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#i'm like... learning things about myself and love and human beings
flawless-peach · 2 days
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change your life ✨️
feel free to join me in this. I'm going to try to post every day about how I did <3
- get at least 7 consecutive hours of sleep. I've found if I go to sleep and then wake up back for a couple hours and then finish the 8 hours I feel I incredibly unrested. I keep myself accountable by using pokemon sleep which has a great alarm, so I'm looking forward to trying this instead
- read or listen to an audiobook for 30 minutes. literacy is a muscle, and using it is important, but sometimes I can't just sit down and read a book, and audiobooks are great for when I'm cleaning or cooking or folding laundry
- get sun daily. humans are a lot more like plants than you would think and so it is important to get some sun, even when it's a wintery sun that's cold or when it's a blazing furnace. Since I have some mental health issues and am unable to go outside im going to at least open my curtains, and if possible, crack a window to get some fresh air
- start a hobby you can enjoy. this one can be difficult because a lot of things require some sort of financial investment. for me, my hobbies for these six months is going to be writing and annotating books. but being creative is great for the human mind.
- learn to be comfortable alone. honestly this one will be difficult. personally, I live in a studio. privacy is nothing i experience, butthe little moments where you find yourself escaping with TV playing or music pause it and sit with yourself, how else can you learn to love someone if you avoid them 🥰
- meditate daily. this will be something I struggle with so much, but I'm going to try in the mornings since that's my peak time <3 and that's when I plan on doing a yoga flow during the sunrise
- eat healthy nutritious food. I hate cooking and I hate eating. having autism can make these really difficult for me to do, but I'm really really trying. I started the week before last to work on figuring out what snack foods I can prep, and now i just need to work on planning out some meals.
- positive affirmations everyday. I really struggle to have positive self talk because it feels so awkward and uncomfortable because I've been pessimistic for so long, but I want to change that ^^
- reduce screen time. this is going to be specifically targetting mindless scrolling for me. I have a tiktok account that I use for motivation, same with my tumblr account, and I also read on my phone and use my sleep app that I need to keep open at night.
- practice gratitude. my goal is to at night reflect on the day to try and find the good. I already reflect on my days and pick a mood, but I want to create lists of things i am grateful for, especially while I'm in between jobs.
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cathymee · 8 months
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promised myself that i'm gonna fix up my notes from last sy so i can share it with upcoming humss students but i also keep going 'but what's the point'
#there were already so many from years ago who have posted and shared theirs#except theirs weren't as detailed; just the general summary for each topic#and mine are more detailed and i'm also contemplating translating them to tagalog#like this could serve as y'know. notes they could refer to to prepare themselves for the upcoming topics they'd tackle#but also...would i be robbing them of the experience to learn things on the pace their own teachers are setting?#in my own experience i only sought notes in the first few weeks of classes to ease myself into each subs and to learn what i'd be-#getting myself into#but i had fun just anticipating the upcoming topics without knowing anything about them#idk...is this just the result of me constantly mourning the state of the educational system in terms of the garbage curriculum and the-#general unpreparedness of most youths in choosing their tracks especially after the setback that the pandemic has brought on that are still#not given attention to by this garbage administration#combine that with the study of humanities & social science being looked down/underestimated by most filipinos#no wonder they're picking the stupidest and useless politicians & public servants. no wonder they're not paying much attention to the-#credentials of people they're electing to lead the country. ngayon letche-letche HGGSGAHSHAJS#anyway so many of the humss students i know chose careers that aren't consistent with their track and it's sad to see. sayang 2 years my-#loves :')#sigh......gonna do it now anyway#brain be very scattered rn. hate that <3#catdrain#rambles#non fandom
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musical-chick-13 · 3 months
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#will probably delete this later but I needed to get it out somewhere#like I am so goddamn lonely. and it is making me feel LITERALLY as if I'm about to descend into genuine madness#but the PROBLEM is that. in order to not be lonely. you need to find other people. and you need to have reason to believe that those#people will keep wanting and making an effort to communicate with you#and the thing is THE THING. IS. that you cannot control what people do or feel. I have no say in what people think of me.#I have to rely on other people to build new relationships. and that is just not. something that I can do.#it's not something that makes SENSE for me to do anymore. so I try to figure out how to just not want human connection at all#you know maybe if I intentionally isolate myself or grow my cynicism on a regular basis I'll get desensitized to the point#where that's just genuinely not something I want anymore. so then I'm not lonely but I also didn't have to rely on anyone else being#trustworthy and accepting and willing to care about me to get to that point#but. I mean maybe some people can do the denial thing but I can't. I've been trying for years. and that carved-out-hole in my chest#hasn't gotten any better. it hasn't filled up or healed over or gone away. it's just gotten bigger.#but if you're genuinely convinced that you're just built in a way where no one is ever going to really love you...what the fuck do you do?#if connecting with other people is something I want but it's (in my probably-biased estimation) completely inaccessible because I am#an inherently shameful and unpleasant person just by virtue of existing...then I'm just stuck at an impasse. and I'll always be crying#over something I can't logically ever have. why bother pursuing it if I am just going to be rejected or hurt or disparaged or tossed out or#neglected or sidelined or any number of bad outcomes? if that's how pursuing any kind of new interpersonal relationships is going to end#then why bother? the only thing to do would be to learn how to be completely unreliant on other people in any way forever right?#but THAT'S not logistically feasible EITHER and I've already proven that I can't fucking do that so what's left? just always be miserable?#I DON'T WANT TO RESIGN MYSELF TO THAT!!!!#sorry. it's. getting to be late december & around the new year is when it always gets Bad™ so we're just. gonna be like this for a few week#In the Vents#ugh all of this would be better if I still lived near Best Friend™#anyone who gets to live near/with their Person™ PLEASE know how lucky you are and don't take that for granted
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m0e-ru · 1 year
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the gas station attendant social link alternate universe is about the past and the future. it is about accepting you who you were and who you are and who you'll be. accepting every aspect of yourself, intangible and tangible. that maybe you are fractured, broken, fragmented, empty, torn apart, or one thousand different things. but you are there for yourself, whoever that may be. whoever they may be. it is about love and betreyal and kindness and malice and caring and hate. deliberate or accidental. it is about learning and realizing and doing something about it and doing nothing about it. it is about the constant pursuit of knowledge no matter how fun it is no matter how terrifying it is. no matter if it's a genuine drive or something forced unto the self as one is pushed to the ledge. it is about life and death and what is real and what is not. it is about accepting what is there and making the effort to make it different. it is about stagnancy and improvement. it is about being the same and about change. it is about friendships about family about relationships about the inherent love present in all of it. it is about finding yourself in someone and the choice to help the other to help the self. to fill each other's half empty cups and overflow with gratitude or spill out and become an emptiness so unbearable that the irony of a rush of tears come flooding out somehow. it is about potential and the need to pursue it and find it and accomplish it and grow and grow and grow and learn and learn and learn and live and live and live no matter what anyone says. no matter what you say. it is about god. it is about human. it is about the bond with the one god once called its puppet but lives in the role itself no longer can be called an actor. because of love. because of love.
#kommento#sulululat#gsa sl au#// it was my love btw#// thinking that this silly thing is too 'far gone' but it's a fruit tree of so many personal spiels that maybe deep down I brought this#// to the table because I wanted to have people learn about myself? through something we can both love#// but that's just the thing it's become too personal that no one can relate to it and if anyone does it wrong I bite their face off#// I don't know. regressing back into my little bubble and thinking of other problems. being here is a journey and it's still going#// that there's still so much I can do but I'm reaching a tipping point and I can do everything now or drop it all#// like game dev crunch time. spend four years on it and a 1 and a half year chunk to prep for the live demo at the press conference#// and if you flop or show up with nothing the whole project would just be dropped. and there is nothing left#// all that passion and love and effort is washed away#// I don't even know what I'm aiming for. I just wanted a community. and I do have one but am I not satisfied?#// is there a certain sense of community itself that I want? now I'm selfish and picky? I am not sure#// I should make a relationship chart actually. with bubbles and lines and captions and labels or something. peek into my brain diagrams#// three year anniversary coming up soon... but who knows if I'll still be kicking in six more months. it's a surprise 🎉#// gsaslau is about god who is not human and a human who does not believe he is human. and somehow they make each other more human#// it is about a child meant to be the avatar of hope falling to his knees having to accept the truth about the people he trusts#// it is about a girl desperately wanting to save everyone and would offer her life to do so. but she wants to live with everyone else#// without another giving up their own life instead#// it is about a man who rises from despair and becomes the beacon of hope he never thought he could be#// it is about a man who wouldnt believe the emptiness in his heart stings. that he could never lose somethng because he never had anything#// it is about someone who relearns who they were and creates who they're going to be. fighting all the urges to destroy such a creation
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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i get distracted so easily but i promise i'll get more done ! eventually aaaa 🫶🏼
#🌙.rambles#i find it so amusing how wnvr i have a new interest i always get into it so deeply#a week ago i listened to sm architects songs n searched up sm lyrics n read articles too n now this week it's#switched to the 1975 n i'm listening to sm of their songs too n reading even more articles n watching stuff n YEAH N#oh dear. i shld be doing my assignments due like 24 hours from now n they're easy n i'm nearly done#that's the thing i'm srs nearly done but i keep on getting distracted 😭 n then other stuff too i wna do but forget hflkasdjfd#can't blame me though bcs isn't there just so much to life? n other than all these responsibilities n. survival i suppose. in this society#i just want to live n. learn everything. understand as much as i can and be understood.#be at peace w all the contradictions in life.. 'always' is never possible but i do know i'll endlessly keep on going on until my end#sorry. that doesn't really make sense i just contradicted myself 💀 theres rlly just sm n. it's weird bcs.. i've rlly known extremes so well#like w apollo i have a twin i know how it is to have. such a deep and close relationship with another person. we're like#familial soulmates fr so ik how to direct my energy so.. yk yeah so IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN BUT#maybe a better comparison is. yk when i love something i'm super passionate about it. obvious i have phases here n then but#i have. a wide range of interests but. arghhh no not quite that as well. so.. the range n that intensity? coexisting?#n it's overwhelming often bcs it's too much. n in the past trying to do more than i could rlly drained me like. sm at the same time#but then yk that time for me where i mostly just played ffxiv. uh. help i don't know how to say it n then i forgot what i was gna write#ah. it's just a lot. i really can't write it enough. such is one of the limits of being human#but.. the strong thought i have of how these stuff make more important things more meaningful is just#at the same time there's. another thought that battles it w a similar intensity. n i feel too deeply i think too much of it#but if you were to ask me how i was doing right now i'd say. perhaps stressed yes but i'm doing alright right now. actually maybe not#HELP NO I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE I'M CONFUSING MYSELF W MY OWN WORDS 😭 dw tho i am fine just rather frustrated with time#i want to do so much but yk i have these priorities that i need to do.. i mean. not really 'need'. but.#ah i just love thinking of how life is in relation to society n its people n then w. i forgot how to say it.. but yk. just the universe#it's so heavy thinking about these heavy things so often. the intense desire to understand n be understood..#to learn and to be learned. or maybe these songs r making me think of how. there's just so much. in life n death n everything#there's so much i don't know n again n again i keep on saying that while there's so much i don't know in every single aspect#there's.. people that r specifically one of my greatest weaknesses w just how unpredictable we are. i love it though but at the same time#it's uh. yeah. thinking of time n the past n present n future n how it's filled with so much is something that i want to#i want to take all of it in but it's also so overwhelming n i'm just at odds with my own self rn but i'm fine#words aren't enough honestly. but i want to convey it somehow. so i'll do what is right for me. in time.
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robinsnest2111 · 4 months
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thinking about everyone who experienced me, premium front row seats and audience participation included, at my absolute worst and still want to have something to do with current day me. idk what I did to deserve you peeps in my life and I hope every single day I can be a good friend to you now that I'm actively trying to heal 🙏
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inkskinned · 1 year
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for a while i lived in an old house; the kind u.s americans don't often get to live in - living in a really old house here is super expensive. i found out right before i moved out that the house was actually so old that it features in a poem by emily dickinson.
i liked that there were footprints in front of the sink, worn into the hardwood. there were handprints on some of the handrails. we'd find secret marks from other tenants, little hints someone else had lived and died there. and yeah, there was a lot wrong with the house. there are a lot of DIY skills you learn when you are a grad student that cannot afford to pay someone else to do-it-for-ya. i shared the house with 8 others. the house always had this noise to it. sometimes that noise was really fucking awful.
in the mornings though, the sun would slant in thick amber skiens through the windows, and i'd be the first one up. i'd shuffle around, get showered in this tub that was trying to exit through the floor, get my clothes on. i would usually creep around in the kitchen until it was time to start waking everyone else up - some of them required multiple rounds of polite hey man we gotta go knocks. and it felt... outside of time. a loud kind of quiet.
the ghosts of the house always felt like they were humming in a melody just out of reach. i know people say that the witching hour happens in the dark, but i always felt like it occurred somewhere around 6:45 in the morning. like - for literal centuries, somebody stood here and did the dishes. for literal centuries, somebody else has been looking out the window to this tree in our garden. for literal centuries, people have been stubbing their toes and cracking their backs and complaining about the weather. something about that was so... strangely lovely.
i have to be honest. i'm not a history aficionado. i know, i know; it's tragic of me. i usually respond to "this thing is super old" by being like, wow! cool! and moving on. but this house was the first time i felt like the past was standing there. like it was breathing. like someone else was drying their hands with me. playing chess on the sofa. adding honey to their tea.
i grew up in an old town. like, literally, a few miles off of walden pond (as in of the walden). (also, relatedly, don't swim in walden, it's so unbelievably dirty). but my family didn't have "old house" kind of money. we had a barely-standing house from the 70's. history existed kind of... parallel to me. you had to go somewhere to be in history. your school would pack you up on a bus and take you to some "ye olden times" place and you'd see how they used to make glass or whatever, and then you'd go home to your LEDs. most museums were small and closed before 5. you knew history was, like, somewhere, but the only thing that was open was the mcdonalds and the mall.
i remember one of my seventh grade history teachers telling us - some day you'll see how long we've been human for and that thing has been puzzling me. i know the scientific number, technically.
the house had these little scars of use. my floors didn't actually touch the walls; i had to fill them with a stopgap to stop the wind. other people had shoved rags and pieces of newspaper. i know i've lost rings and earring backs down some of the floorboards. i think the raccoons that lived in our basement probably have collected a small fortune over the years. i complain out loud to myself about how awful the stairs are (uneven, steep, evil, turning, hard to get down while holding anything) and know - someone else has said this exact same thing.
when i was packing up to leave and doing a final deep cleaning, i found a note carved in the furthest corner in the narrow cave of my closet. a child's scrawled name, a faded paint handprint, the scrangly numbers: 1857.
we've been human for a long time. way back before we can remember.
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cobragardens · 6 months
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Notes on the Scene in Job's Basement
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Crowley is not tempting Aziraphale here. He's experimenting on him.
Getting Aziraphale to sin, or even getting him drunk, is not Crowley's intent in this scene. Eating food, taking pleasure in food, drinking alcohol, and even being drunk are not sins in most of Judaism or Christianity (and they're certainly not sins in British Christianity, regardless of any church's doctrine). When Aziraphale turns down alcohol, Crowley just suggests he try food instead; so it's not important to Crowley what Aziraphale tries, but it is important to him that he try something.
This scene is also the first time (chronologically) we see that Crowley likes to drink and likes to be drunk.
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We know from
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and from
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as well as from Book Omens and Word of God that angels have no instinct beyond curiosity pulling them toward eating or toward gender. From this we can reasonably presume they have no instinct toward Beverages either.
That means that in this moment--
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--Crowley is very likely the only metaphysical entity he knows on either side of the divide, or even knows of, who has ever experienced a physical pleasure.
And he probably has some Lingering Questions about it, like we all did the first time a physical pleasure blew our minds. Like,
Is it this strong for everyone?
Is there something wrong with me?
Am I going to hurt myself if I do this, like, a lot?
And it's not like the poor creature can ask anyone, because the answers for humans aren't necessarily going to apply to him.
So when he sees an opportunity, Crowley gets that one angel he knows who'll talk to him to try a human thing, and then he watches to see if physical pleasure hits the angel as hard as it hit him.
And that's why he looks so creepily pleased when it does.
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Apparently it is this strong for everyone and there isn't anything wrong with him. Now he can relax and get sloshed without worrying, and he even has someone to talk to about how rad human stuff is.
A Dip Into Speculation
We know because we're shown this isn't the first time Crowley has gotten drunk that, watching Aziraphale, Crowley understands what he's seeing. I think it's really interesting that Crowley doesn't laugh at Aziraphale at any point during this scene, and he doesn't correct the way he's eating, either.
Maybe it's because this is what it was like for Crowley the first time. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and woke up in a puddle of his own sick. Maybe he got so drunk he passed out and didn't wake up at all, and there was Paperwork and he had to get used to a whole new corporation just when he'd got the hang of having legs in the old one. Maybe somebody had to show him how to use a fork or whatever they had going on for eating utensils in Ancient Mesopotamia. I distinctly remember having to learn as a small child to chew with my mouth closed. There is every possibility Crowley doesn't consider the way Aziraphale is eating to be worthy of ridicule because whatever Crowley did the first time was worse.
Maybe he wants to leave Aziraphale set up for later embarrassment over his table manners. Aziraphale was a judgy bitch about the wine.
Or maybe it's something like Let him have this one. There can be rules to it later; let him just enjoy it, once, like a little kid with both fists in their birthday cake.
Maybe it's desire. There is some textual evidence for this. Once Aziraphale learns to eat properly, the way he does it is very attractive, and we know Crowley loves watching him do it.
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I don't think it's overreaching even to interpret David Tennant's physical performance of Crowley watching Aziraphale eat as one of sensual or erotic pleasure. I mean--
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I'm not saying it absolutely has to be erotic, but it's not a reach, or even a full extension of the elbow, to read it that way.
There's another meta somewhere [I'll link it when I find it again; if you know this meta, please drop it in comments!] that discusses how this exchange in Job's basement is filmed like an erotic scene.
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Like Crowley, we all want to kiss this face.
Aziraphale isn't eating prettily, but he's eating lewdly, ravenously, desirously, and it's lit like romantic sex, not like gluttony. Whether that's funny or poignant or hot may depend on the viewer. Here's how Crowley's handling it:
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Srs tho, any frame of this scene could have been painted by Artemisia Gentileschi.
Or maybe--and this is my favorite of the available interpretations--maybe this is what it was like for Crowley the first time and he doesn't interfere because he wants Aziraphale to come out of this as someone who's had the same experience Crowley's had so Crowley won't be so totally alone in having had it.
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twilightcitysky · 8 months
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Everything Is Meant (long S2 analysis, part 1)
I cannot figure out for the life of me how to make gifs so this will have to be a gif-less essay. If anyone more tech savvy than me wants to reblog with relevant media, please do!
I've seen a lot of people saying how Aziraphale's actions in the final ten minutes come out of left field and are OOC, and when I first watched the episode I felt the same, but now I think I couldn't have been more wrong. And I don't think Aziraphale is being controlled... I think the entire season showed us exactly what was going to happen.
On first watch, what struck me was the number of plot points that seemed disconnected. I couldn't figure out how Job related to the present, or the Victorian era, or the Nazi zombies (still at sea on the zombies part tbh). I didn't know where the Maggie/ Nina subplot was going, or why we were bothering with it. Then I put my "psych hat" on and it was like seeing one of those 3D pictures come into focus. It's a psychological networking rather than a plot-driven one, which is what Neil told us to expect.
Detailed analysis under the cut, with spoilers:
I went back through the season in my head and started asking myself: why is this element there? What does it contribute?
1. Start with scene one. Why include it? Does it matter for the climax that Az knew Crowley as an angel? YES. It's actually huge. Angel Crowley was joyful, he was bursting with delight at creation, he was idealistic. He wanted to be a part of everything rather than run away from it, and that's still how Aziraphale feels. He loves being a part of things. He's a joiner. He's a landlord. He dances at clubs and he makes human friends and he learns magic. Crowley the demon doesn't seem to want any of that, and I think that's hard for Az. He wants Crowley to be free of the cynicism he thinks prevents him from enjoying life now. At some level, I think he senses that Crowley is depressed (empathy's not his strong suit but I'm sure he's aware that Crowley's in a "what's the point of it all" kind of mood; see the eccles cakes scene). He wants to fix it. Aziraphale is a fixer. Metatron offers him a chance to do that.
Another thing is that Aziraphale knows Crowley ended up Falling just for asking questions that seemed innocent. That's not okay with him. He thinks that with the two of them in charge they can actually MAKE the changes that Crowley wanted to see way back at the beginning, starting with a suggestion box.
2. Okay, now Jim. Obviously Gabriel/ Jim is the central mystery, but why does he matter? First and foremost: he's there to show Aziraphale that angels can CHANGE. Gabriel terrorized and threatened Aziraphale. Az has been terrified of him. He ordered Aziraphale's execution. And now here he is, drinking hot chocolate, doing noble self-sacrificing things, with morals that suddenly align with Aziraphale's. What an absolute game-changer that must have been! He thought Heaven was unfixable, but here's Gabriel in his shop for weeks, slowly convincing him otherwise.
Then two other things happen. First, they find out that this all happened to Gabriel essentially because he fell in love. He was fired and his memories were stolen and the only reason he recovered was because Beelzebub happened to give him the one thing that could save him. That must have seemed like incredible luck. Now, how does Aziraphale feel about memories? He lives in a bookshop that is stuffed to bursting with the records of all of human history, essentially. His memories of his time with Crowley are incredibly precious. He sees, there at the end, that everything he is can be taken from him as a punishment for falling in love. Aziraphale doesn't have a magic fly container. He'd be forever robbed of Crowley, his life, himself. It's a very real threat in his mind when Metatron intervenes.
Which brings us to the second thing. Metatron saves Gabriel. Not only that, he prevents him from being punished for loving Beelzebub and lets them both go. What better way to win currency with Aziraphale? HE doesn't want to go off to Alpha Centauri, he never has, but suddenly he sees that Metatron might protect his relationship. And he's probably the only entity with the power to do so.
So we come to two conclusions: Aziraphale, when he goes off to talk with Metatron, is feeling like maybe it's not intrinsically bad to be an angel. He believed all the angels sucked, and only God was good... but now he sees that even Gabriel can change. He met Muriel, and he likes them. (He also had a huge crush on angel Crowley, which is neither here nor there but he loves Crowley in all his forms.) So if Crowley became an angel again, would that really be so bad? In his mind, it wouldn't change who Crowley is. It would just make them both safer and allow them to be together. (He's wrong! And Crowley doesn't see it that way! But this is a key miscommunication. Aziraphale doesn't really believe that becoming a demon changed Crowley. Back to the first scene, which Aziraphale references during the Job minisode. In his eyes, Crowley is the same person (just more cynical because of what's happened to him)-- so why would it matter if he's an angel again? I truly don't think he was trying to save Crowley, or saying that Crowley would be Better as an angel. To him, it doesn't matter what Crowley is. Which is reductive and harmful, but not the same as thinking Crowley needs rescuing from himself.)
Second conclusion: he sees that an angel and demon can be in love, but they have to run away to be together. Gabe and Beelz couldn't go home again. Earth is Aziraphale's home, but after the attack on the bookshop he learned that without Heaven's protection he can't really keep them safe there. Metatron says: "Come with me, do this thing, and you can have guaranteed safety AND be with the love of your life". Poor Aziraphale wants this with every fiber of his being. All he's ever wanted was for Crowley to be safe. He's never been able to offer it. Over the past four years, he thought they were safe, but he's just learned that he was wrong.
This is getting long. Continued in Part Two!
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unbidden-yidden · 2 months
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I'm gonna be honest here: one of the more exhausting parts of the online discourse is how much of a tightrope I am always on, that those of us who care about human rights for all human beings are always on, because any statement made in favor of the "other" side is ripe for tokenism.
I, as a Jew, care about the safety and human rights of Palestinians and Arab Israelis. You will never convince me that there is an ethical way to kill civilians, especially children. You will never convince me that police brutality against citizens marching for their civil rights is necessary. You just can't. And yet I have to be so careful when/where I say that and how I say that, because too often this simple acknowledgement that all people are created in the image of Hashem and should be treated accordingly is ripped out of context and placed between a deluge of other posts denying my people that very same acknowledgement. The number of times I have said these things, only to go into the reblogs and see my words surrounded on all sides with violent antisemitism? I've lost count.
And guess what? It's made me less effective as an advocate, it has actively silenced me from speaking up sometimes, because I refuse to be your "good Jew," your token, somebody whose words can be misconstrued to kasher your vile hatred of my people. And to be very clear: Jewish Israelis are my people just as much as fellow diaspora yidden are, and they deserve better from both goyim and diaspora Jews alike.
And I've seen this go the other way, too: I've seen Palestinian activists and journalists who are trying very hard to balance the values of respecting other people (including Israelis and/or Jews writ large) as fellow human beings with the pain that their people are currently suffering. And I've seen their words ripped out of context and used to excuse more violence against them and their people.
And then there are lots of other people - genuinely well-intentioned people who are trying to learn from me - who keep treating me like I'm some paragon of nuance. I'm trying, truly, but I'm Just Some Guy. You know what I do? It's extremely simple and I promise you can do it too, any of you, if you slow down long enough to think before putting anything out there: "Would I say this about my brother? My mom? My daughter? My people? Would I be happy if the person I loved most on this earth was living under these circumstances and being talked about in whatever way I'm about to speak? Would it feel victim-blaming? Would it feel disrespectful of their struggle or dishonest? Does it ignore their history or trauma? Is it actually helping?" These are the types of questions I try very hard to ask myself every time I post about the conflict, about both sides. I try to talk about this as if the people on both sides were my family. Because truthfully? They are. Am Yisrael is a family, before anything else. Palestinians are our closest cousins. This war is a bloodbath and a tragedy, and everyone is suffering. For those of us who are not living there, please remember this and have some respect.
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azure-cherie · 4 months
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𝐏𝐀𝐂 : 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅.𝐒.
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Hello love's for this reading i channel a love letter from your future spouse , i really have a lack of fs readings and ik I don't do that enough but here's it because I feel so called to do this todayyy. Take what resonates and leave the rest , you can choose multiple . I hope you guys like this and feedbacks are always always appreciated !!!!!
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Pile 1 :
Mon Amour ,
The sweet river of my life, the reason I live , the reason I thrive , I've been seeing you in my dreams since past lives and I can't fathom the beauty in your eyes . Ever since we've been together and the day i met you my life has been absolutely the one I dream of . Thank you for always being the shoulder I can learn on thank you i think i don't say it enough, you deserve the world and I'm trying everyday to bring in the world for you . I love the way you make art and love the way you make me your muse if I had the talent you had i probably would sing for you . I love your sweet kisses like candy and i hate every moment i argue so I'm happy to be sorry first kidding I know you're always right kinda bad on my part right , I wanna give you the world and there's so much to be done yet , so much to achieve , so much to heal but i know with you by my side i will heal. So i steal the thunder from heaven to make a souvenir of my love even when i am dead the way i tell you about my love won't be enough.
- yours completely
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Pile 2 :
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Dear love ,
In my darkest days you're the light I turn to , my heart is so full even when my brain is in shambles because I have you . I'm so in love that I can barely eat so I soak up your sunshine and I'm all fine and better under your holy light . We are a pair and we will make history and all these people that think we're too young too naive will be left in misery, they don't see you like i do, we both see each other . They say love is a big thing but I'd like laundry and taxes with you . Plain bread with you tastes like heaven , even tho I'm a heathen i pray the heavens for you may the paradise we make last forever, may i always keep jewellery in your altar , may things never be forbidden in our diary and in all of the things that are may I know one thing for sure that I don't wanna spend a moment away from you anymore . I burn for you I'm human for you .
- your lover
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Pile 3 :
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Hey Miss,
Springtime your time my time I look at you my beautiful flower fuller than poppies , more abundant than a lotus , like a burning rose with desire , you set me on fire , yet you cool me like running water how do you do , how do you put me in this state . I wanna love you don't you think it's getting late for even a while to wait , meet me at the garden gate . I don't know much but I know I came into earth to be with you i could be a tree but I'm a human to love you like humans do . How could you know me so well i almost lose myself when I'm with you and that's what I want when I'm with you to be free like a child . I wanna devote all my evenings to make coffee for you and i wanna spend all my breaths being high because I love you so much my thoughts spin out , you're moon herself you grant wishes so please grant mine goddess divine .
- always yours
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Pile 4 :
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Hey sweetheart,
I've been on a quest to find you , since I was young I've always felt that I was meant for more than just I saw what other couples around me had I knew I needed to be drowned and insane when i like someone , but the way you lift me up gave me all of it together , you're all the bright colours at once , yet you're a mystery , I love that i figure out something beautiful about you each day I know life with you can never be boring, it's always fun always worth living , thank you for holding me when the world discarded me , I know angels are real because i have seen you . Sorry for the times i mess things up , i never want that . we need to be together to explore this world without this bond this earth is mere ground with fire at the core , I wanna love you more . How do I explain this love where do I put all my love for you you're growing into me with each day I place your name in my heart like a sweet melody , i live to love you , I love to love you.
- only yours forever
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Thank you so much for reading, have a great day/night ❤️
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tarotwithavi · 2 months
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3 things you need to let go of in order manifest your dream life
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1. Fear of Rejection
Do you realize that your fear of rejection is holding you back from doing so many things? Also why do you fear rejection ever thought about that? Yes we all fear something and rejection is a really scary word. Nobody likes rejection but the truth is the fear of rejection is what is holding us back and those who have let it go of this fear have achieved great things. Everybody is afraid of rejection so to say but what kind of rejection? Societal rejection that the society won't accept you for who you are, romantic rejection that your crush won't like you back or rejection from your own self? Why do you reject yourself? Why do you reject your thoughts? Why do you think that you are not capable of what you desire? This may not be a big thing but in order to evolve and grow you need to go through these questions and ask yourself why you fear rejection.
3 things to do to let go of this fear
Understanding Impermanence: Recognize that rejection is a part of life, and it doesn't define your worth. People's opinions and circumstances change, and rejection doesn't necessarily reflect a permanent state.
Focusing on Growth: Embrace rejection as an opportunity for personal growth. Learn from the experience, adapt, and use it as a stepping stone towards self-improvement.
Building Resilience: Develop resilience by realizing that not every rejection is a personal attack. Building a strong sense of self allows you to withstand setbacks and move forward with confidence.
2. Expectations
Sometimes you expect too much from people and from yourself too and when you cannot fulfill those expectations you feel upset. You have a great heart and there is no doubt about how pure and innocent your energy is. You do your best in everything you do, if you love someone you love them from all your heart and you will do everything for them. You expect others to do the same for you, expecting is not a bad thing but being upset over others not fulfilling YOUR expectations is not good. You need to let go of those expectations. And you don't have to live up to others expectations also. As a human we always expect others to do something for us or we just expect something in return. It's in our nature. You don't have to fulfill others' expectations and others don't have to fulfill yours. So you just need to let go of “expectations”.
Mindful Awareness: Be conscious of your expectations and question whether they are realistic. Sometimes, expectations can set you up for disappointment if they are too rigid or dependent on external factors.
Embracing Flexibility: Cultivate flexibility and openness to different outcomes. This doesn't mean lowering standards, but rather being adaptable to the twists and turns that life may bring.
Communicating Expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations to others when appropriate. This reduces the chances of misunderstandings and aligns everyone involved.
3. Self-Doubt
We've all been there, right? Dealing with self-doubt is like a universal thing and is a common human experience. But, let's be real for a moment, when did we let that self-doubt become the boss of our lives? Like, where did it even come from? Because, let's face it, it's not like self-doubt runs in the family or is scribbled into our DNA. Nah, it's more about what others toss at us. I used to doubt myself and still do actually(sometimes). But hey, I'm putting in the work. The more I do, the clearer it gets why the wise ones always say, "Who cares what anyone else thinks?" It's like, do you, be you, and forget the noise from the peanut gallery.
Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Focus on your strengths and past successes to counteract self-doubt.
Setting Realistic Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. This allows you to build confidence gradually and see tangible progress.
Seeking Support: Share your concerns with trusted friends or a mentor. External perspectives can provide valuable insights and encouragement, helping you overcome self-doubt.
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musical-chick-13 · 9 months
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.
#sometimes it just. hits me. that she's not in my life anymore. and it seems stupid to say that because like. she's not dead.#she doesn't even hate me. we just don't have any kind of relationship anymore. and it's better that way because who I am & what I want was#never going to match up with who she is and what she wanted. but I still lost my friend. in some ways the closest friend I'd ever had#if it was possible for me to have that back and keep it without losing what's left of my mind I would take it IMMEDIATELY#all I ever wanted was to be understood and even though we were so different she ALWAYS made every effort to do that#she was committed to understanding me in a way no one else ever had been and the absence of that is...it hurts a fucking lot#and I'm so tired of reflecting on this experience I'm so tired of being afraid to get close to anyone else for fear this will happen again#and mostly I'm tired of hearing how it's better to love and lose than never love at all because it's REALLY not#everyone keeps saying how heartbreak will help you learn things about yourself but that didn't happen! I didn't learn anything about myself#that I didn't already know! I did NOT gain strength or self-awareness or a better outlook on human connection as a whole. it just hurts!#that was all that happened!! I didn't grow I didn't change it didn't open the door for something better. I just feel like shit.#sorry y'all something unrelated crossed my dash and then I just. started crying.#personal#mc13 is a mess
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misskingshit · 1 year
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𝘖𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘺 summary: Being a Na'vi, you completely forbade yourself from feeling any kind of affection for the strange creature, but Jake won't give up. Note: It’s me again, it’s been a long time, i’m sorry i didn’t post anything (I don't really know why I apologize, probably nobody cares and nobody is reading this) but i’m here! Am I sick of finding a living being (not human, almost animal) that is blue and non-existent incredibly attractive? yes, but I don't care, he is HOT. xoxo
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"Why are you following me Jake?" you asked without stopping on your way to the forest. Your thick accent was impossible to ignore, English was still not your forte.
"Me? I don't do anything, just learning" he answers, playing dumb.
"Following me like a lost pet?" You turned to face him, even so, a smile was plastered on your face.
"Where did you learn that phrase? It's used where I come from… not here" he looks at you strangely. It was true, not a saying the Na'vi used.
"I got to meet your...human friend, Norm, he's a bit weird but he knows a lot about these lands, it's interesting" you said, the fact that these strange beings are finally interested in learning about you and that they take the time to study everything about your home made you feel good and you were excited to hear everything.
"Do you spend time with him now?" Jake asked looking at the ground, brushing past you as he started walking again.
"He gets very close to me and says he likes me, I don't see the problem" you raised your shoulders a little, now you are the one who follows Jake.
"Yes, he likes you too much" you hear a small whisper.
"What?" questions.
A sigh on his part makes you very alert to the situation, not understanding what was happening "where I come from there is something called codes" he says "I think he is forgetting, maybe I should help him remember" Jake squeezes shortly his jaw, although you couldn't see it since he kept walking, turning his back on you.
"Codes? what kind of codes?" poor naive you were.
"He shouldn't get too close to you, much less tell you how much he likes you."
"Why shouldn't he?"
"Because I already like you, are the rules" he replies.
"Those are stupid rules, I don't get it, I like you too like I also like Norm or Dr. Grace, that doesn't mean I can't get close to them..." you stop when you see the abrupt way in which Jake stops his step and turns to talk to you.
"You don't understand, you don't understand the way I like you, it's… different" he says seriously.
"Why are you angry?" you ask, now you are a little more serious.
"It's called being jealous! I'm jealous! You don't understand" he raised his voice a little.
"I don't get it! I'm not of your race and I never will be! You and I are not the same!" You try to escape but he quickly stops you.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, let me explain" he holds you "I like you, the way my heart races when you're around, like when I'm in my real body counting every second to come back and find you again, the way The one where you make this place feel like home to me," he confesses.
"like... like tsaheylu? That's what you say...".
Jake laughs slightly and caresses your cheek with one hand "yes, that's what I mean, the bond" your eyes widen "and I can't stand that the weirdo scientist approaches you because I want you for myself, I couldn't bear to lose you" he meets your foreheads.
The seconds in silence that seemed like centuries to him were killing him little by little, fear was eating him up inside.
"Jake...no, we can't..." he interrupted, again.
"Why?".
"Too many things, our path is not connected, you are temporary here" you start "sooner or later you will have to return to your real body...".
"That is not true, our way is our way, we decide it, the rest is solved later".
His hearts beat a thousand, it was something mutual, they both loved each other, but more than anything you were aware of all the obstacles that stood in their way, but Jake was willing to fight until his last breath to make their paths become one. only.
"Just, let me show you that it can be done" he leans closer to you.
You don't even doubt it, you already know you want it, but the fear is still there.
"I want the bond with you Jake."
———
This is not what i had in my mind, im sorry, this sucks.
I promise next one it’s gonna be better.
(English is not my native lenguage so im sorry for any mistake)
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calisources · 19 days
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𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒.
Sentences were taken from different sources of literature that depict dark romance, these include possessive language, jealousy, power trips, some kinks, innuendos. Some sentences are tamer than others, please use wisely. Change names, pronouns and locations as you see fit. This meme is not safe for all audiences, as it contains adult themes.
Cara is mine, and only mine.
You didn’t seem to be in any danger when you were being my good, little girl.
A crush? I had consumed at least three of that woman’s bodily fluids, as she had mine. 
I worship you.
Very, very bad girl.
So you admit it, I make you scream.
See, my sweet gift? I knew you’d f/cking come around.
My beautiful, sweet gift. I am forever lost in you.
Let me heal those wounds and soothe that ache.
I’m gonna fuck you now. It’s gonna be fast and hard because I’ve waited too long for this.
In this fucked up world of ours, we're meant for each other.
I may have broken you, but know that you've broken me just the same.
Let me free you of the constraints of virtue. Better yet, free yourself.
You're supposedly protected by god, but here you are fucking the devil.
Like this you are powerful. Learn what it is to command the attention of a god.
I need you to take me the way you want me.
I hope you never forget about me and that the thought of me haunts you for eternity.
I was born to be your god, born with the power to make you do what I want.
You've captivated my soul and breathe life into me.
No escaping. I told you I'd never let you go.
I am a poison that all of humanity must fear.
You  ruined me and I can’t be bothered about it.
I forgot how good you taste. 
Real men get their girls nice and ready first.
This girl. She’s living, walking art. And she’s mine.
Do you want me on my knees?
You’re a bad man and you do bad things. You will always do bad things. But not to me.
You are painfully beautiful, do you know that?
Every time you look at me, it feels as if you start a wildfire inside my heart
Such a perfect girl you are, put on this world just for me.
I have killed for you, baby. And I’ll never stop.
You forgot I was a siren.
I just wanted to keep you forever.
I have missed you for so long. And now you are in front of me, but you’re afraid to touch me.
 There can never be anything in the world that would hurt me more than when you left me.
I don’t know if I want to cry or if I want to scream or if I want to fucking kiss you.
Christ, I wish you could see yourself. You look otherworldly.
I used to smell your dirty shirts when you weren’t looking.
In order for me to fuck you, I’m going to need you to be healed first.
 How I’ve missed that filthy mouth.
What else did I teach you?
You taught me how to be a good girl for you.
How to let you ravage me so badly that I feel like I’m on the brink of death.
I'm a simple man who's been reduced to his base instincts to hunt, capture, keep.
If she is my devil, then I will gladly burn.
If you don’t protect what belongs to you, then sooner or later, it belongs to someone else.
The power he holds over me―
You like to be owned by me? Knowing that I will kill anyone that ever tries to steal you away?
You want passion. A love that completely devours every inch of you. 
I know that you long for a little danger, too. I saw how you thrived on it.
It only hurts because I want you so much.
 if you could see yourself through my eyes, you’d know why I chose you. 
You taste like sin.
You're doing so good, Handsome.
No one touches what's mine.
And you are mine. Whether you agree is irrelevant.
I caught you, so now I get to ravish you.
Let’s do something about that mouth of yours, hm?
Be my woman, Ana. Allow me to call myself yours.
I want you to know that you can’t hide from me.
Play nicely, little lamb. Or else, I won’t.
I will do with you as I please.
Show me how much you want me.
You haven’t been getting what you need, have you?
Would it make you feel better if I call you Daddy while you fuck me?
You’ll never know when I’m going to drag you into the darkness.
I’m rough with your body sometimes, but I’ll always be gentle with your soul. 
Fucking hell, you’re sweet. You’re so goddamn sweet.
The flesh wants what it wants.
If you continue to behave like this, I'll actually start to believe you don't hate me.
Desire becomes surrender. Surrender becomes Power.
And I will break you. I will make it so you can't breathe without me. 
What happened to the thrill of the chase?
I just like the way wrong feels.
I swear I won't touch you even with a finger until you ask me yourself.
I need to hear a yes, sir.
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im-this-kind-of-girl · 6 months
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Aziraphale and Crowley's unhinged character analyzis (pt1)
Controversial opinion:
Aziraphale and Crowley at the end of Season2 managed to accomplish the main goal they each had since the beginning of time. Only to realize that what they wanted no longer made them happy.
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It sounds crazy, but to explain myself I have to do an in-depth analysis of their personalities and the possible transformation arc that both characters are probably going to have at the end of the Good Omens story.
Disclaimer: I have no idea about what is going to happen in Good Omens. This analysis could clearly be considered a theory since I'm not Neil Gaiman, but as someone who knows about narrative and character structure, I'm going to elaborate. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry in advance.
Aziraphale
First let's talk about Aziraphale. For two reasons, firstly because he is the one who seems to deserve the most defense right now; and second because Aziraphale, in my opinion, is the main character of Good Omens. This is because Aziraphale, out of the two, is the one who is likely to have the biggest change in his personality once his arc ends.
In a story, especially one like Good Omens with many characters, it is common for there to be many arcs, as every character has something to learn. Crowley, as a co-protagonist and love interest, is clearly going to have a change at the end of the plot, but his change won't be as big as our angel's.
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First things first, what is a transformation arc?
It is the transformation that a character undergoes from the beginning to the end of the story. Basically, at the beginning of a story, a character is in a certain state of equilibrium, he lives and thinks in a certain way until he is exposed to a situation that forces him to act outside of his comfort zone. During this, he will undergo different changes that will be reflected in actions that take him away from his natural state until the climax, where the character will make a decision that will change his normality forever. This is important. In every story, the climax marks a before and after in the protagonist's life: whatever he decides at this moment has no turning back and will mark his life forever, so that after the climax, the character may again have a state of equilibrium but different from the initial one.
What is the climax of Good Omens? Well, in the 1st season we have the bodie swap and in the second season the separation of Crowley and Aziraphale. But of the story itself? It's still a mystery.
Neil Gaiman has already confirmed that Good Omens is a three-act story, so its climax will be located at the end of season 3. We still don't know what definitive change there will be in our characters… although throughout the series we have enough clues to at least know what they probably have to work on changing.
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Aziraphale's Role
In order to analyze Aziraphale we must begin by understanding his role within the angelic hierarchy. Aziraphale was created as a Cherub and then, after Eden, became a Principality. Both ranks have one thing in common: they are guardian roles.
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Cherubs are second in the highest circle of heaven, below Seraphims. They are described as "guardians of the universe from a divine plane and without direct contact with humans, although they positively influence them". On the other hand, Principalities are seventh within the last circle of the angelic hierarchy, and the highest rank within it. They are the guardians of nations and countries, overseeing global events within politics and commerce.
So, Aziraphale was created with the main purpose of being only one thing: a soldier. His function is to obey and protect objects, places and beings. That is why he was the angel who received the sword of fire, his task was to protect Eden. But he also has a very strong sense of intrinsic goodness that has led him to make erratic decisions throughout history that question just how much he is willing to obey orders.
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If Aziraphale feels that something is wrong, he won't do it. It doesn't matter if he has to go against Heaven or sin. It doesn't matter if killing a child saves the rest of the world, he won't do it. It doesn't matter if God will grant Job new children, he can't stand idly by. These actions make him stand out from the rest. A simple soldier just obeys while Aziraphale has a critical mind, he has too strong of an opinion about right and wrong. If an event happens that he considers evil, Aziraphale will go to great lengths to prevent it.
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It is remarkable that the first thing he did having free will was to give his sword to Adam and Eve. Of course he did it with the function of protecting them but, by giving them his only weapon, Aziraphale was left in a serious state of vulnerability. He did it because he is good and kind, but it could also be considered an act of sacrifice. Here enters another important issue when talking about Aziraphale that relates to religion itself.
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The Martyr Hero
One of the most basic conceptions about the Christianity is that without sacrifice a person cannot really be good. Jesus was crucified to free us from our sins; Job sacrificed his whole life to prove that his faith was genuine. Even centuries later, the ecclesiastical institution maintains that the more you suffer, the poorer you are, the more chances you have of ending up in Heaven.
All the sacrifices made in life will eventually be rewarded in the Kingdom of God. It is the eternal figure of the martyr that is worshipped in Church, the idea that to really love, to really do good, sacrifices must be made.
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Aziraphale believes this blindly. Now, he is an angel, not a human. He will not have an eventual reward of any kind, and that does not matter to him, because he considers himself lucky to be able to be a being of light who brings happiness to others no matter the price he has to pay. He was willing to fall only to save the lives of Job's children just because it was the right thing to do.
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Performing actions for your own happiness without thinking of the consequences is frowned upon throughout the Bible. It is considered selfish and is a great source of guilt for all its faithful.
There is a line from the Good Omens Musical that has always stayed with me. When they argue, Crowley tries to talk some sense into Aziraphale by claiming all the reasons why he should help him avoid Armageddon, to which Aziraphale replies "you and I are not important."
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Why didn't Aziraphale quickly give in to the proposal to stop the end of the world? Why didn't he tell Crowley where the Antichrist was without hesitation? Why did he help Gabriel in spite of everything? Why didn't he kiss Crowley back although he wanted to?
Truth be told, Aziraphale does not prioritize his own happiness because he does not consider himself important.
At the center of it all is God, good and ineffable who would never let anything happen unless it is not amenable to the greater good, then there is all the rest. Aziraphale believes he is just a soldier with a mission: to protect the Earth and everything he considers worth saving. He is not on this list: his welfare does not matter to him because, in the grand order of things, Aziraphale does not believe he is important.
There is no afterlife reward for him, though that doesn't stop him from feeling guilty about wanting it.
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Aziraphale's dilemma
Aziraphale's great dilemma ould be summed up as:
Do I do what I want or do I do what I must?
Should he obey the rules or get what his heart yearns for now that it is within his grasp?
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Throughout Good Omens, we learn Aziraphale has given into various temptations such as food. But these sins are small in comparison to what he really wants. For how does he explain to God that what his heart desires the most is to be able to love the Serpent of Eden?
He is madly in love with Crowley. He could lose everything: his bookstore, restaurants, music, art, but the feelings he has for him will never go away. It were years of repression, believing that if he loved him in silence, everything would be okay.
Now, in the season finale, Crowley expresses it, confesses and kisses him, offering him what he has always secretly wanted on a silver platter.
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But Aziraphale was also offered a place in Heaven, finally being accepted by the family he misses. Aziraphale spent the entire 2nd season getting involved in trying to save Gabriel, in bringing Maggie and Nina together, getting perhaps a little too invested because he clearly missed having a purpose.
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He was not well emotionally. He missed feeling that he does good because, despite everything, he believes in the potential that Heaven has. Aziraphale knows that if he is in charge, if he gives up everything that makes him happy, if he stops being selfish as he was all these years, he can make the necessary change to prevent the End of the World.
Aziraphale is a soldier whose main goal has always been to protect. Becoming the supreme Archangel he is able to protect everyone he loves. Because of this, he decides to sacrifice his earthly happiness and make the most difficult decision but the one he feels is right: to leave Earth, reject Crowley and become Head of Heaven.
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The end of his arc and Crowley
Like any arc, Aziraphale's is clearly at the end of the story. He's already changed a lot, and he's done mostly so because of Crowley. Not just because of love, no, Crowley manages to awake something in him. Crowley is the driving force that encourages change in him, that reaffirms or questions his beliefs whenever he is in doubt about whether something is right or wrong. He inspires something that Aziraphale, an obedient soldier of the Lord never had: freedom.
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Obviously, our angel always had that spark of freedom, though repressed, hidden in the darkest part of his being because he knows it is something that makes him different from the rest and he doesn't like to admit that he doesn't fit in Heaven.
Because this means that he doesn't fit in Hell either, nor on Earth completely. Ergo, admitting to being different means confirming his suspicion that he doesn't fit in anywhere. But he never had to pretend this with Crowley.
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Knowing all this, how will Aziraphale's arc end?
Well, he's going to have to choose between heart and duty again. Aziraphale is going to want to save Earth at the Second Coming, that's obvious. He is going to be forced to disobey Heaven once again as he realizes that he cannot change them. In this way, he will confirm something tragic: his sacrifice was in vain.
But it is necessary that he can assume this in order to understand that he is wrong:
It is not necessary to suffer in order to deserve love.
It is not necessary to sacrifice everything that makes you happy to prove you are good.
Eternal sacrifice is not the solution. Aziraphale has to learn that being happy and being loved is not a reward that has to be given, no, it is something he is worthy of without the need to sacrifice his life. Aziraphale must understand that he does not have to prove that he is a good person by martyrdom. He is a good person because he is empathetic, smart and sweet.
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The secret is to find the balance between love and duty, between good and evil, to embrace his freedom and find happiness by accepting his mistakes that make him different from the rest. The easiest way is to learn to love in the most genuine way: the human way. Discovering that love does not necessarily have to be painful or repressed, that he can do it openly, that what he feels is not a test of faith, but the reward he has been waiting for all these years.
Aziraphale will ultimately become free through Crowley's love.
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