#i'm just. i'm sorry if i sound mean and insensitive but i am so tired i swear to god i am tired of knowing this is still happening

[olderthannetfic]

Hi there! I hope you're having a nice day.

Little bit of a rant and a bid for advice, if you or your readers have any. I hope that's alright.

I'm currently writing a fic or maybe multiple fics (plot bunnies be running rampant in me brains) about a rarepair of two guys. I'm a bi woman and have basically zero social skills, so in order to properly understand other people's body language, I like to look up guides or articles about body language between two people, although I know those things are full of bullshit and don't mean anything, and it's hard to find articles for example about whether another woman's body language indicates interest in you if you're a woman yourself, but eh, they're still better than my brain which is usually like "eh, could mean this or that or this or that or this or that or- basically could be anything, I wouldn't know that lol, now I'm tired and will shut off, bye" aka useless as well.

The results I've found have been absolutely useless. I like writing characters in a slightly plausible-sounding way, so I like incorporating body language as in acting choices or subconscious body language (or whatever a proper term might be) in my writing to make it sound more in-character. So for stuff like this, I usually just think "ok what is that person's expression and if I do it, what would that indicate me to be feeling currently", and I don't know if other people do that or if that's just me being bad with social stuff and intuition about it again, and if I should really try to get re-evaluated for autism which I have been advised to think about doing multiple times in multiple direct and indirect implicative ways such as people being like "hey btw are you autistic? no? you sure?" or "I know you got a negative diagnosis as a kid, but maybe that was wrong and you might wanna do it again because of all your social struggles and sensory stuff etc.", heh. (Have been diagnosed with ADHD though, so that might also just be it.)

Sorry for the rambling. English isn't my first language, so if anything sounds strange, that's to blame.

My question or rather bid for advice is: I am wondering if you or your readers might have any advice on where to find resources for reading body language and romantic or sexual implications in body language between two parties, in this case between two guys.

(Hopefully this is not too nonsensical or insensitive or something like that because that's not my intention. I just really don't know how to human or if there actually is some difference on how different people of different genders flirt consciously or subconsciously or if that's some weird unnoticed transphobic bio-essentialism shit that I hadn't yet noticed and sorted out of my head because I don't want to be transphobic since that sucks.)

--

Weeell...

If people have links to guides, that's great, but I do think that in the context of fanfic, people often write flirting that they find sexy or they write whatever the canon style of interaction is and recontextualize it as how these particular guys flirt.

They're not usually thinking "What does flirting look like in general?" and then having the characters behave in a new way.

A lot of our interpretation of body language in written fiction has to do with information we get from the POV character about how they're feeling internally. For the non-POV character, we may have the POV character's thoughts on what the body language means, but we're generally interpreting it based on media cliches and based on knowing this is a ship fic.

So the other dude acts like he doesn't like our POV dude and the POV dude is like "Alas, my pining is unrequited!" and the audience goes "Ooooh, it's one of those fics!"

If the goal is writing certain types of fic, you may not need a guide to How People Really Act as much as one to How Fans Interpret Such and Such a Behavior from Canon as Subtext.

[one-strugling-bean]

About the Mario Bros Movie (particularly the ending):

(this is all my opinion, feel free to disagree and share your own thoughts, id love to discuss them)

1. Is anyone else upset that the final battle took place in the Real World?

Like... Idk, it just reminded me of the ending of SVTFOE in the worst ways, which, if you know you know.

I guess I just overall hate the concept of merging the Real World with a fantastical world of any kind. Mostly because I can't believe that if the Real World got a hold of a Fantastic World, it would leave it be. That Fantastic World would be abused sooooo much.

I shudder just trying to imagine what sort of crap our World would do if we ever got access to the Mushroom Power-Ups.

But also because it doesn't feel necessary? There was nothing for the brothers in the Real World, the beginning of the movie was supposed to show the viewer that. So much so, that in the end, after the battle, they return to the Game World and start living in the Mushroom Kingdom.

The only thing that did tether them to the Real World was their family.

The only reason I can think of why they chose to make the climax in Brooklyn is that B plot Mario had with his father, wanting to prove to him - and by extension, everyone else that looked down on him - that he could be great and achieve something.

And I found that particular plot point sooo unoriginal and unnecessary.

(How many times will movies have to do the "I wanna prove I can be great, I wanna do my father proud!" plot shtick until they get tired??)

But yeah, in conclusion, having the climax in Brooklyn was dumb and mostly unnecessary, except for the family plot line.

Which brings me to my 2nd question:

2. Am I the only one who thinks the movie would've been better if the brothers were orphans? Or simply, by themselves?

I feel kinda mean writing this....

But like, the family is just needless???

I honestly believe being orphans could have made their characters more interesting. (this sounds so insensitive, I'm sorry....)

It would give Luigi and Mario's powerful bond a deeper connotation, for one. It would make even more sense for Mario to be so protective of Luigi and for Luigi to be so dependent on Mario if they only had each other - they are the only ones left for the other.

(Not to say that siblings that live in a big, happy family can't have powerful bonds. That's not the case. I'm just trying to argue what I think would've been more impactful from a narrative standpoint.)

Also, it would still be able to fit with Mario's wishes of being something great.

As I said before, the only reason as to why the final showdown was in the Real World was so Mario could have closure with his family and past life - so he could have that moment of greatness for everyone (especially his dad) to see.

But for me, returning to the Real World was so unsatisfying (see 1.), that the family plot line becomes useless.

I feel like I would've liked the movie a lot more if

A) the brothers didn't have more family, growing up alone together, resulting in them having kind of a tough life when the movie starts

B) Bullet Bill destroyed the pipe instead of travelling through it, severing the connection between the worlds,

C) because the pipe that lead to the Real World had been destroyed, the final showdown happened in the Mushroom Kingdom (or the nearby forest)

D) in the aftermath of the battle, the brothers would confirm that indeed the pipe wasn't working anymore, but they wouldn't be that broken up about it, because even though they did grow up there, the Real World hadn't been very kind to them in the past, and the only thing they ever needed was each other.

And then yeah, final scene with Mario and Luigi waking up and going to work in the Mushroom Kingdom

And uh, yeah... Ta-daaaaaaaa!

That's my personal take about this movie :p

Please please pleaaaaaase if you don't agree with what I've written above feel free to counter with your own thoughts, id love to discuss (as long as it's all in good fun)

#this was thrown together really quickly #dont judge this too hard im very tired #but i had to voice my thoughts somewhere #mario movie #super mario bros #luigi #super mario bros movie #mario #super mario #mario bros #dunno if i gotta add anything else

[toast-com]

Retort

(Trigger Warnings: Brief descriptions of Trauma, and War.)

Stanley's face reddened.

"...Did you think I wanted this?!" He shouted in Jennings' face. "That I wanted to be stuck on this dinky railway?!" Jennings reared back, as if struck, and she retorted back with a venomous;

"What? Did you want to be in that war or something?!" She snapped, guilt flooding her as soon as the words left her mouth. Stanley stared at her, in shock, and sagged, sorrow flooding his features. Jennings covered her mouth with a hand.

"I'm sorry, I didn't-" Stanley shook his head slowly.

"No, it's fine," He said quietly, turning away from Jennings. "It's obvious that you did mean it..."

"Stanley wait-" She grabbed his wrist and he whirled to face her.

"Don't touch me!" He snapped viciously.

"You have no idea, what that war was like. You must think I enjoyed myself in the States, running my engine through the trenches, watching my frie-" His voice hitched, and he struggled to compose himself, various emotions warring across his face.

He took a shaky breath, and sighed.

"It's no use trying to explain it to you Jennings." He said, sounding defeated, and looking suddenly very tired. He turned away from her. "I'm just...gonna go." Stanley walked away, bumping into Monty, who looked at him worriedly as he passed her.

"What's wrong with Stanley?" Monty asked Jennings. She frowned. "What did you say?" Jennings wrung her hands nervously, now regretting her word choices. It was very well known on the Mid-Sodor that Monty loved Stanley fiercely, and was very quick to come to his aid.

"Uhm..." Jennings began nervously. "Would you mind, if we took this discussion somewhere else? Somewhere less public?" She continued, in a murmur: "So everyone won't look at us when you start shouting at me..."

Monty was taking deep breaths, and shaking.

"...I don't understand," She said, more to herself than Jennings. "Why would you mention that? Why would you mention that, when you know how he feels about it?!"

"I-I was being stupid," Jennings stammered. "I wasn't thinking-" Monty silenced her with a hardened glare.

"No, you didn't think-" Monty snapped. "You just bought up a traumatizing event for Stanley. And for what? To one up him, trying to get him back for angry comment he made about the railway!"

Monty just stood there, face to face with Jennings. She turned away from Jennings, and exhaled angrily.

"I'm just so angry-" Monty began, her back to Jennings. "Out of everyone, I didn't expect you to be so insensitive, and cruel." She sighed. "I'd expect something like this from John maybe, but you?" She shook her head. "I thought that you'd be better than that. Better than making cruel and ignorant comments, about a traumatizing event."

"I'm sorry, I'm truly am," Jennings replied quietly. "Maybe I-" Monty shook her head, and turned to face her, a disappointed look on her face.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." She snapped, hands on her hips.

#rws characters #toasty's writing #ttte fic #tw mentions of war #tw brief mentions of trauma #rws stanley #rws jennings #rws the mine engine #ttte humanized

[yuliajinjahl]

#7 Noisome

It's tired and you're late. The laces of your boots trip you up when you entangle yourself trying to untie them while simultaneously toeing them off. The ghostly form of the Warrior of Darkness rolls his eyes and sighs loudly. It does nothing to sober you up- instead you lay on your back with the cool floor tiles supporting you and laugh hoarsely.

You collect yourself soon enough and shuffle the rest of the way to your bed. A gust of wind could bowl you over, face-first into the linens. Your spectral companion seems concerned, but you lazily swat at the air beside you where you think he's standing- floating?

"At least you found your bed." He mutters. His blue eyes pierce their way through your ale-induced brain-fog, and your breath catches in your throat. The corners of your eyes sting, but you attribute it to dryness or tiredness or whatever.

"Ardbert, I'm so sorry you can't eat or drink." You tell him with a lopsided smile. You really do mean it, but you are also vaguely aware of the insensitivity of the statement. "I bet it sucks."

Ardbert grunts some form of acknowledgement but stays quiet for a while. You curl up on the bed as he collects his thoughts, a faint pink dusting his ghostly cheeks. Your tail flicks once or twice, not out of impatience, but in a way that shows, despite your heavy eyelids, you are listening.

"It is inconvenient, yeah," the warrior says finally. "But there are benefits as well."

"Oh?" Your tail curls at the end as you spring up on your hands and knees, much like a coeurl pup anticipating easy prey. "And what are those?"

Ardbert chuckles softly and pantomimes holding his nose. "I can't smell your boozy breath either," he says. His laughter is bassy like an old hunting hound's bark. It sounds nice to your ears. "Not that I want to, Warrior of Stench!"

You swipe at him playfully, and though you can't touch, he ducks out of the way just the same. Your fingertips don't even sense mist where his shoulder was moments before. Your cheeks feel hot.

"It's so unfair!" Your speech is slurred, your vision a bit hazy. You snatch the sheets from the bed and whirl around, the fabric a snow white shroud. You duck your head and tuck in your tail. "I can't even become your ghost-buddy because-" Your breath hitches. "B-because no matter how tired I am, no matter how many of my loved ones fall, I have to stay strong."

The statement is barely a whisper, but to Ardbert it's the chilling wail of a banshee. Or perhaps, he realizes as he reaches out to ruffle your hair through your silly little costume, the sobbing of a frightened child. You don't feel his gloved hand, and he cannot feel your messy hair either.

"I'm so tired."

"I know."

"May I rest?"

Ardbert pauses, a strangled cry of sympathy dying in his lungs. He smiles gently, such a heartbreaking expression you think, and walks with you back over to the mattress. He pantomimes helping you remake it, literally goes through the motions of tucking you in.

"Of course," he says, but you don't hear him. You've already been whisked away by the Dreamspinners to someplace much kinder than here.

#ffxivwrite2023 #I had to look up the definition of this one #and I already used smelly stuff in the one about fishing ;A; #well played moen moen #I accidentally made myself sadge :(

[ohlookitsrex]

Unfinished Cherik Fic

Hello, dear readers. I am tired, have been working on this fic for ages, and want validation and beta-readers—so I’m forcing y’all to beta read part of my (very unfinished, 3000 words of foreplay, Cherik fic.

"I'm gay, Erik! I like men! I like cock! Quite frankly, I like you just a bit more than 'friendly' would warrant!That's what everyone in this fucking house has been making fun of me over for the past week or so—probably longer. That's why you weren't let in on my secret, and that's why I didn't want you to know."Charles was well and truly angry, but simultaneously, he was petrified. He felt nauseous—and not in the good way—and heartbroken all at once. Erik was going to leave and never come back.

Erik ponders this for a moment, before sitting down across from Charles. He takes a deep breath before speaking. Oh, god, he was gearing up to reject Charles wasn't he? Yes, you could tell by the slight crease in his brow—the least he could do is make it quick, right? Just rip off the band-aid.

"I don't want to belittle the courage and bravery that it took you to come out. I have no intentions of taking away the significance of this moment, which is why I'm going to choose my next words very carefully." Erik takes another breath. Oh god here it comes! Charles braced himself.

"I think that might be one of the hottest things I've ever heard." Well, that's a strange way of rejecting somebody—what game is Erik playing at?

"What?" Charles said, brilliantly.

"I mean, it would be—the hottest thing, I mean—if you weren't so torn up about this. You've obviously been holding on to this for a while, and I just hate to see you in pain."

"Erik, wh-" he sounds so genuine it hurts. Charles has rarely seen this side of Erik, and when he has previously, words always failed him. He is in love with Erik—the trenches—no, the Mariana Trench, of love; the mere thought that his object of affection could, and would, reciprocate...it's a wave of joy, confusion, anger, and (most of all) hope.

"I like you, Charles. I like you quite a lot. I find you very alluring. Ich bin bis über beide Ohren verliebt. In your words, I 'like cock,' specifically yours." Charles was stunned speechless; he was over the fucking moon, and his face couldn't help but show it. Erik had the privilege of bearing witness to the most beautiful fucking smile ever seen. All of the positive emotions Charles thought gone, suddenly came rushing back. His blood was making whirlpools in his ears, his heart was beating like a kick-drum, butterflies were racing around in his stomach,

"...and," Erik continued—he probably said more, but Charles couldn't hear it over the sound of his blood. "I really hope you wouldn't be opposed if wanted to kiss you. Right now." His mind adds on a 'please,' which Charles melts at (just a bit).

"I..." Charles can't even comprehend what is happening. His heart is doing somersaults in his chest, his thoughts are rushing by at one million miles a minute, and—oh, Erik asked to kiss him.

"You're right, I'm sorry that was insensit-“

Charles smashed his face against Erik's, and placed himself atop the older mutant's lap. Erik was fucking surprised, to say the least. He froze for a short breath, his arms turned to stone around Charles' body, before his brain kicked into gear. Erik clawed at the telepath's face, in like of grabbing a particularly beautiful sculpture. Charles' grip proved much rougher, (at least compared to Erik's appreciative caress), as his fingers scraped through Erik's hair. Erik never had the pleasure of witnessing Charles lost in pleasure—hunger—and, he's now decided that it's his favorite thing.

One of his hands moved on to Charles' neck, holding him softly. He held Charles with such wonder; disbelief, maybe. Erik just couldn't believe that Charles was kissing him—Charles. Charles was kissing him. Beautiful, kind, compassionate, handsome, genius, Charles. He laughed against the smaller man's mouth, and Charles was hit with a sudden wave of elation, joy, and (more importantly) love. Erik loves him, him. Charles Xavier—rumpled professor, stubborn pain in the ass, mother-hen, homebody—Charles Xavier. Charles laughed back, and smiled against Erik's mouth. Charles felt his own arousal stirring, so he (painfully) breaks the connection between their lips.

"Erik," Charles panted. "Before I devour you—or before you devour me, I'm really not adverse to either—I just...you're amazing. I've been hearing your thoughts and living your feelings, but you know none of mine." Erik's expression was...perfection. There was a clear type of astonishment seeping through his eyes, elation shining through his smile, and blush coating the tips of his ears. It clearly took him a second or ten to process what Charles said.

"Charles you don't have to-" Charles silenced him with a finger to the lips. Erik found this incredibly arousing, so he allowed it.

"I... I've never been in love. Not before you. I lived my entire life surrounded by people whose love was purely two dimensional. It wasn't real, but that was all I knew. Then came you and... I've learned that love is one of the purest emotions possible. You've slowly made yourself a spot in my head, and to be quite honest, I can't say I mind all that much." Charles finally noticed the red surfacing beneath Erik's cheeks. Wow. I've never seen him blush before, but I definitely want to see it more. Erik's brain stopped working after 'I've never been in love before.' He was star-struck, and all of Charles' words were hitting him with a slight delay.

"I don't think I can explain the measure of comfort I find in the beating of your heart," Erik spoke mindlessly, his voice doused in gravel and honey. Charles flushed at the idea of Erik being able to feel something as intimate as his heartbeat, and his...y'know—it seemed only fair, since Charles had access to Erik's thoughts. Erik carefully tugged at an earlobe with his teeth, earning a surprised yelp in return. Licking an aimless trail, Erik ended his journey with his mouth resting on cartilage, and a devious smile on his face. Charles' skin flushed a pretty rouge, panting from the sampling of his ear.

"Or the hardening of your cock," Erik continued, air crackling through the fry in his voice. He made sure Charles was secured (via ass grope) before standing up, who then let out a positively filthy moan and tensed in surprise—his legs now wrapped around Erik's midsection. He found himself practically sat on Erik's prick, earning himself a moan from the metal-bender. "Jesus Christ, Charles, do you want me to drop you?" Erik asked incredulously, still stumbling over to his bed. "I mean, eventually, yes, but right now," Charles trailed off, as Erik toppled down onto the bed—telepath first—careful not to crush his partner. "Right now," he picked up, "I'm quite satisfied with the current positioning."

"Well, I'm quite dissatisfied with current the lack of nudity," Erik quipped, tugging at any and every metal fastening in Charles' clothing.

"Impatient, are we?" Charles smirked, feeling the loosening of his jeans.

"Xavier," he said with heat, "I'm not sure if you're aware, but I seldom have attractive men in my bed, and there is no way I'm not taking advantage of the one I've managed." Charles assisted Erik in the removal of both his cardigan and trousers, but stopped Erik in the removal of his pants before they went further. "Ah-ah-ah, not until we're on equal standing. I want to see you too," and fuck if that wasn't the hottest thing Erik had ever heard. "Shit, okay" he panted, quickly disrobing himself down to his pants. He gave Charles a second to appreciate the goods, then began to explore the pale chest laid out in front of him. It's toned plains were sparsely dotted with auburn freckles, porcelain skin overrun with soft hues of pinks and reds.

"Gött, you're beautiful...like you walked out of my dreams," Erik softly hissed, his hands grasping Charles' pectorals, and positioning his thumbs right above a set of pert nipples. Charles thrashed lightly against Erik, and a pleased whimper had managed to escape the confines of his throat. It was then that Erik noticed his own length positioned directly on top of Charles'; Erik then decided to shift his hips up and down lightly, making Charles cry out in ecstasy, his eyes screwing themselves shut. He also bit down on his lip beautifully, leaving a shock of pure white against the near magenta color of his lips. Suddenly, it became absolutely imperative that Erik kiss Charles right this second—and why shouldn't he, anyway? Erik did exactly that—and with impressive finesse for a man who could, as of now, barely remember his own name—pushing more of his weight against Charles, and incidentally, moving the flesh of Charles' nipples. Charles then responded with what could only be described as a mewl, and Erik took the opportunity to utilize his tongue and explore Charles' mouth.

Erik would usually have more self-control, especially since he felt that Charles deserved to be ravished properly. But, Charles made Erik feel things that he never felt before. Erik was selfish with Charles, gluttonous was a better word—perhaps indulgent. Charles was meant to be savored, yes, but Erik had lost his self-restraint the second he felt Charles' lips on his. As he pulled away, Erik tugged on Charles' bottom lip with his teeth. He'd always wanted to try that, and yes, he would love to do it again. Then, Erik had noticed something.

"Charles."

"What?"

Charles.

By the way he'd jumped in surprise, Erik knew he received his message. "Erik, are you sure-" he began, and was cut off by a (surprisingly sweet) kiss. "Libeling, I know. The reason I wanted you out of my head was because I thought you wouldn't like what you found in there. My head is not a happy place to be, but around you...around you it's not too bad. Also, there's this embarrassing school-girl crush I have on a ridiculously handsome telepath, but you wouldn't happen to know anyone like that, would you?" Charles giggled—giggled—and quite adorably, too.

And at that, Charles let his powers off their leash. Contrary to what one might expect, telepathy is not being a 'mind-reader' in the literal sense. It's similar to reading someone's energy, as many thoughts aren't actually articulate—hell, half of them aren't even cognizant. Often times, they're muddy, and different people think in different ways. Charles thinks in feelings (or vibes) and he reads in feelings as a result. This makes it a bit complicated when reading someone who thinks in other methods; for a while, it was like trying to move a muscle that wasn't there. Now, it's simply like translating a second language, i.e he can do it if he wants, but it also expends energy—if he doesn't have that energy, then he can't translate the language, but that doesn't mean he can't hear the language. It's still very intimate to read someone's mind, obviously, and Charles is feeling a bit prudish for blushing like a nun in a sex shop. Although, Erik doesn't seem to mind much.

"What, does he go to another school?"

"Yes; I draw his name in the margins of my notebook," Erik said, as he began traveling down Charles' body. Charles let out a near maniacal laugh, and was far too amused by the joke to notice Erik's movement, until he felt the tongue on his nipple. All laughter was soon forgotten and instead cut off by a wanton moan. Charles nestled his fingers in Erik's hair, gently enough so he could still move freely. Erik continued to lick his way down Charles' lithe body, giving special attention to the few freckles he came across. Suddenly, Erik was being dragged upwards, then flipped onto his back. Charles sat atop him in triumph, seeming to have expected a fight. He began to inch downward, toying with the waistband of Erik's pants. "I'm sorry to cut you off, but I've been wanting this for longer than you can imagine," he drawled, sliding his boxers off torturously slow. "I've been imagining this since you pulled me out of the water," Erik replied through a moan, as his cock was exposed to the cold air.

"I've been imagining this since I read your mind," Charles stated before promptly sucking the ever living shit out of Erik's dick. His head was enveloped in the warmth of Charles' mouth, and Schieße was it good.

Before I pulled you out of the water, Charles added, as if that would change anything. His tongue worked skillfully, and Erik could have sworn that Charles was put on this earth just to drive him mental. Without any prelude, Charles took all of Erik with startling ease—his nose buried in Erik’s auburn nest of wiry hairs. “Schieße…ist gut”, Erik sagte als seine Stimme unglaublich niedrig fiel—and his thoughts fizzled out entirely as Charles moaned around his cock. Erik speaking German? Hot. Charles understanding German? The best decision of his high-school career.

TBC

#cherik #charles xavier #erik lensherr x charles xavier #erik lensherr #x men

[stubbedbakutoes]

Ignorance is Bliss

*TW: body image issues* (y/n) overhears Todoroki badmouthing a certain insecurity of hers in front of his friends.

pairing: todoroki x fem reader

genre: angst i guess

word count: 1.3k

masterlist

//

(y/n)’s the type of person who'll go "Holy shit I’m an irresistible human being" one moment and then she's going, "ha ha who am I kidding I've got zero attractive traits," but it’s all a part of growing up and slowly learning to accept herself, she suspected.  

She's progressively learning to love herself, because she's got Todoroki as a boyfriend, a man who’s the expert in telling her that she's "so, so perfect," and whenever Y/N says as much, she'd get a disbelieving scoff and then a list, almost, about why she's apparently so good-looking inside out whenever Y/N started to doubt herself, doubt him, doubt everything and anything.

Todoroki's the one who's been all "you're so sexy," and "I don't understand how you don't see it, baby," and "if I'm a six then you're literally off the charts". He's been the one to slowly but surely coax her into loving herself, to making her do things (like going on a diet, or to the gym) because she wants to – not for the sake of fitting into society's standards of beauty.    

One day Y/N entered his house whilst making sure that her presence remained unknown for the surprise visit to be successful. Then, the sound of some video game echoed around the house, followed by the voices of Todoroki's best friends.

"Not really, guys." She heard Todoroki scoff obnoxiously. "I mean, her legs though. Sometimes her thighs takes so much space, more than me, even when I'm manspreading since it flattens out to the size of an island, or something." He complained, and just laughed like he hadn't just said something insensitive and heartbreaking thing for (y/n) .  

Usually they'd be laughing with her – not at her – but shit happens and now they're too preoccupied laughing over her for them to have noticed her come in.

She can tolerate criticism from some strangers online or even face to face. (y/n) takes those words in her stride, beaming at them, even, as they spit out their insensitivity to her. When it comes from Todoroki, who was all cold on the outside but is dimpled grins and endless, selfless love for everyone around him – that. That she can't handle.

Y/N can't help but think if all his body positivity been a joke all along. Like a bad fan fiction, where Todoroki actually has a split personality wherein he's a massive playboy who'd lost a bet and had to be all lovey-dovey with her until a certain length of time. (y/n) hoped that in the process he saw through her flaws and fell for her, hard. But god damn, it seemed to far-fetched from how passionate Todoroki sounded while hating on her earlier.

If he did turn out to be a massive twat, then (y/n)'s made a grave mistake by falling for this asshole's cheap tricks, hasn't she? She'd been too blinded by love that she's never thought there would come a day where she would regret falling for him. Looking back at how she believed that Todoroki and her were going to last was too naive of her. This must be one of the most gut-wrenching feelings she's ever experienced. It's true when they say ignorance is bliss.

Y/N inhaled deeply. I've got to be logical about this. She contemplated, bringing a hand to her forehead. Can't just immediately jump to conclusions, right?    

She took a couple steps into the house, plastering on a grin. whilst hiding her thighs with the tote bag placed near the front porch, for some reason. With a glance to the wall clock, she realised that she's been gone far longer than she thought and that the guys he was previously chatting with are out of the picture.

"Hey," (y/n) greeted, almost nervously, before she yelled at herself internally because she's got to be all nonchalant about this, afraid of blowing up her cover. Didn't want to give her boyfriend more things to list about things he hated about her, did she?  

"(y/n)! Come here, baby." Todoroki called from the living room, head tilted back and lips immediately lifting into a grin as she came into his line of vision. He lovingly grabbed onto her hands and tugged her down to sit her on his lap like how they routinely do. But if he thinks that my thighs are big as fuck, he must also think that I'm, like, too heavy.   

So with a forced laugh, she refused his offer and sat on the sofa beside him, rushing to a rest a square pillow on her thighs as she gave him a tight-lipped smile, earning a small laugh from him.

"Cuddle." He demanded, almost, much like a greedy child, making grabbing hands towards her.   

Y/N poked her tongue out at him, "Not now," she said in a playful tone – so practiced and perfect. Normally she'd agree right away, but it's obviously different this time because she's cross with him and also doesn't want to accidentally squash him or something.    

Minutes later, he's clearly waiting for her to let her guard down and then come cuddle him. But it never came. He's frowning now, “Ok, what’s wrong?”

“What?” (y/n) asked, pulling herself out of her day dream. "Oh I’m just-”

“And don’t say you’re just tired, we’ve been together long enough for me to know there’s something bothering you.” He said, cutting her off from the usual excuse she would give to anyone.

(y/n) breathed in slowly, eyes darting to the pillow on her lap, "I, uhm. I heard you talking about me just now."  

"You were here earlier?"  

"Went in, then stayed there for awhile, 'cos I – doesn't matter. I was just a bit... I guess, hurt, is all. I'm fine now, though, honestly."  

"Why were you – " he started, then his shoulders are tensing and his eyes are widening as his eyes dart down to the pillow on her lap and he's instantly cursing. "You heard me say that thing about you – about your – fuck. Baby, I'm sorry. I'd take it all back in a heartbeat. I didn't mean it like that, I didn't mean it at all. I just — It just. I'm sorry, baby, please don't be dissapointed. I love you so much," He looked at her from head to toe, his eyes glimmering with adoration. "I love all of you. Every bit of you."  

"It's no big deal, anyway," Y/N mumbled quietly in response.    

"Ofcourse it is," Todoroki insistently shook his head and then scooted so much closer to her, literally hauling her into his lap. (y/n) choked out a squeal, trying to get out of his hold, but he held her down, hands on either sides of her hips like she's weighing nothing more than a leaf, or something. "Baby, please." His lips moved against her skin and she stopped struggling because he's so much stronger than her. "I'm so sorry. I'm a shitty boyfriend to even think that way about you, to my friends, too, but — I just." Todoroki sighed, dropping his forehead onto her shoulder.    

"This is some bullshit excuse but, but. I wanted to– pride. It was a pride thing 'cause they were saying shit like I was whipped, 'cause I kept praising you infront of them by going on and on about you being the epitome of beautiful and how I was insecure about you leaving me one day and how I don't think I'd be able to physically and emotionally cope with that. And I just... you get the gist. Fuck. Being a male is infuriating, honestly," Todoroki huffed out, pouting at the idea of his girlfriend in agony with a pained expression after hearing his insensitive words earlier.

He lifted his head up, placing a chaste kiss to her lips, "What I said – that thing about your thighs, or whatever, I don't even remember what I said 'cause they're right — I talk about you like you hung the moon and the stars and other sappy shit like that. Plus I literally find no fault with you. I love everything about you, baby. I bet I always will."  

She scoffed, then she's smiling, letting out a little laugh, this time it's genuine. I'm definitely in love with him. definitely don't regret it, either.   

#bnha imagines #bnha #bnha scenarios #boku no hero academia #mha #bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha bakugou #bnha x reader #mha imagines #bnha oneshots #mha oneshots #mha oc #mha oc x canon #mha oc rp #bakugou angst #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x deku #todoroki x bakugou #bakugou smut #bakugou x kirishima #anime #angst #fanfic #fanfiction #my hero academia fanfiction #boku no hero academia fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #masterlist #bnha izuku

[traumatizeddfox]

I was feeling a bit down but with everything going on and that person messing with you for no reason I thought ranting might have been a bit insensitive but I just need someone to listen so I don't end up hurting myself again, I hope this isn't insensitive, I didnt mean to be.

Also. How did they expect to go on a traumacore blog and not see triggering content???? Or go on a PTSD tag and get upset that people are talking about their experiences??

I feel like throwing up, idk I just maybe overworked myself today and I'm tired and I didn't get much sleep and things just suck. I'm actively aware of how badly I'm doing rn and Its moreso because instead of doing school work to understand, I'm just doing it so teachers don't get upset and yell at me and today i put in a bunch of incorrect answers for a worksheet just so i would get it done on time and I'm tempted to unsubmit it and redo the questions i messed up but I think I might end up procrastinating again. Nothing trauma related, I just wanted to get it out. I should probably write a book about my trauma tho, 12 years sounds like enough for a book, right?

yeah idk why they didn’t expect that? like i def wouldn’t want to trigger anyone but my blog is triggering and going into a ptsd tag you’re def gonna find ppl talking about their experiences.

i am sorry you didn’t get much sleep and school is making it worse! school sucks so much and so does trauma and they don’t mix well

#anon

[helenazbmrskai]

Jimin as a merman 🧜‍♂️

• "Stop looking like a kicked puppy, will you? Smile, we are on a vacation." Hyeri having none of my passive attitude I honestly feel a little guilty about my bad mood which is clearly affecting her and when she is frustrated she sulks like a kid but she can't blame me before our vacation a letter sat on my coffee table my long-time crush whom I hold close to my heart with an unhealthy unrequited love buried deep inside the imaginary pocket in my most vital organ just sent me a letter to seek out my congratulations on his wedding which is in fact in this weekend and I am here sitting next to my friend under an umbrella and watching the waves of Busan hoping that the spirals will wash away this weird feeling this uneasiness the weather is warm and the water is invitingly lukewarm but I can't help but mop around and throw sand I can't control my emotions or in this case my facial expressions even if I wanted to.

• "You know why I am like this," I call her out on her insensitive behaviour. She knows how hard it is for me but she still insisted that I should have fun just because she ordered me to come with her to this vacation when I truthfully said I don't want to.

• "I'm really tired of you pinning for that guy he is getting married for the love of god can't you pull your head out of your ass and move on?"

• I pursue my lips together with her every word stabs at my heart and I know she is right but it still hurts not just her words but that she is saying them now when the betrothal invitation is still fresh in my mind it's probably still laying on the table where I left it the previous night neatly folded with tear stains on them.

• "I'll be right back." I give her a tight-lipped smile rushing to the isolated area of the beach which is blended with rocks where the waves splash upon them the comforting rhythmic of the water crashing against the high rocks soothes my nerves. I sit on a nearby stone easing my legs into the water carefully which is indeed warm. I throw my head back a heavy sigh leaves my chapped and parted lips eyes closed to bath in the overwhelming self-pity I feel for myself right now.

• Something moves a few feet away I can hear the faint sound of a grunt my eyes shot open scanning the area to locate the origins of this noise. I stand up to go closer to the water looking between rocks a pair of eyes find mine the boy grips the rocks to steady himself pupils dilated and pure horror evident in his face. We stand there looking into each other's eyes for long moments neither of us moving he mostly because of shock and me mostly because of curiosity.

• "What are you doing down there?" I ask the stranger in a low and honeyed tone I don't want to scare him away his eyes are full of unreadable emotions so I am extra careful with my words he looks like he will disappear if I am too forceful.

• He opens and closes his mouth like he doesn't know what he wants to say a huge blush starts forming on his pale skin I swear I can see his grip is tightening on the rocks I'm worried he might cut his fingers on the rough surface.

• Sensing his discomfort I send him a sincere smile a bit forced but that's the most I could muster at this moment and it seemed enough because he smiled back. A blinding smile full of teeth and cheeks such a lovely sight that I hope he will never stop smiling at me like that.

• The silence is nice I sit and just aimlessly looking beyond the horizon watching the endless water flowing as showing his eternal beauty some sort of calmness envelopes me when I found the eyes of the gentle stranger again he comes across as less cautious and more curious now. Inching closer to my stiff body he experimentally touches my feet his fingers glide against my skin with ease my leg jerks away his eyes look up to see if I am feeling uncomfortable but I just chuckle because of the tickling sensation. His touch is warm and wet, his hand leave drops behind making me shiver when a strong stroke of wind encompasses

• He flattens his palm against my thigh warm and gentle almost feather like I watch him as he explores my features I feel exposed and examined under his curious gaze I almost forget why I was so sad and angry in the first place but unfortunately it's just as it sounds an almost

• "Uh, can I at least know your name before you touch me more?" I don't know why I let his wandering hands on my legs but I don't feel like I should worry about his intentions his smile was so pure before the only thing I see in his eerie orbs are wonder and awe no bad intentions like lust or mischieve.

• "M-my name is Jimin." I wanted to coo at his light and charming voice if it was even possible his face burns with more embarrassment he quickly removes his hands gripping the rocks again but he stayed there right next to me he doesn't leave or purposefully make a move to distance himself from me. He just looks shy in a cute way.

• "Jimin." I taste each syllable on my lips rolling off my tongue like an unseen breeze that caresses our faces unseen but tender in a way he blushes further hearing his name as I address him with utter carefulness and warmth. Like I am in a trance the aura that surrounds him is intoxicating in the best way possible leaving no room for rotting thoughts and insecurities. I feel content for the first time like Jimin can be the cure I wasn't even looking for. The cure for my aching heart is in his eyes that holds a million stars captivated in them the smile which brings joy and shakes me to the bone. I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea this feeling I am not sure I was capable of.

• "I'm Y/N." I speak when I realize I never shared my name with him. He gifted me one of his big smiles reaching his eyes with the fondness he clasps the rocks firmer to hold himself above the water a silhouette of a tail flicks the water in my direction the droplets make me lean away my stare is fixed on the spot underwater my lips part to question him but I don't even know what to ask. A tail? What does this mean?

• "D-don't be afraid." I rip my gaze from the water to see Jimin's eyes reflecting anxiety and fear he holds his hand out in my direction to touch me to reassure me but he never makes contact with my skin. He swims away his tail appear above the water for a millisecond before diving back in under the depth of the water.

• "Jimin?" I call out his name but he doesn't appear again no matter how many times I call for him. I bite my lip looking for his form but the water is too deep to see where he went. He left and I didn't have the chance to tell him I am not afraid. I was never afraid of him.

• Hyeri taking in my gloomy state as I venture back to the place I left she sighs she gently weights down his palm against my shoulder she looks at me with a guilty expression.

• "I am sorry Y/N I know I was cruel to you saying those things. I just hope you could move on from him and be happy." Understanding flashing in my eyes I smile at her pulling her in a bone-crushing hug. My thoughts were so full of Jimin's sudden appearance and disappearance that I forgot why I left and why I am here in the first place.

• "You were right. Yes it hurts but its the truth. I'll try to move on. I think I might be ready." The reality finally clashing with my dream filled foolishness the wedding invitation materalizing in my head the final push that I realize we are really not meant to be.

• I ponder about my memories with him. Why I fell in love with him is because he is tender and too nice for his own good. No matter how hard I tried the timing was always off. He found the girl of his dreams I remember the jealousy I felt when he first introduced her to our friend's group I never paid attention to how in love they were. No, they are. The guilt suffocates me heavier than ever before finally seeing through my envy and false hope I can't blame anyone but me. I was foolish. I wonder if I ever sincerely loved him as I thought I am but it's not right. I was loving the way he made me feel I was hunting those feelings like I desperately wanted to be loved. Seeing myself in this new light I felt like crying.

• Just then I thought about Jimin and his full-blown smile his tender touches and the hurt and fear in his eyes as he swam away. I wanted to see him again. He made me feel all sort of things I never felt before I didn't realize I am walking in the direction of that rocky area I first met him but I made myself absurdly stop.

• Do I have the right to feel like that?

• What if I am just sinking my fangs into my next victim he was nice to me and I am ready, no, more than eager to fill the void after the guy I thought I truly loved are now engaged. He would be sick of me he would be disgusted by me.

• I turn to leave. Yes, it's for the best. I was so blinded by my own greed that I never considered him. So I did the first step I never thought I'll ever be able to accomplish.

• "Hello? Y/N? Is that you?" I gulp once I hear his voice on the other side of the phone. He was quick to answer considering that I avoided him I can't be surprised that he is worried about me he was always like this. He cares for his friends deeply.

• "Yes, it's me. I am sorry but I can't be there on your big day. But hey let's meet after I get back I want to congratulate you guys in person." I propose I feel a lump in my throat but I stand my ground.

• "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. But it's fine you seemed unwell so rest as long as you want." A laugh escapes comically entertained by his words they don't stink as much as I thought they would.

• "No need to worry about me just focus on your wedding. I am fine I think I really am." I am shocked I could talk with such virtue admitting my faults maybe helped me realize what we had and had not made things easier in a way.

• "See you when you get back right?" The hopefulness in his voice caught me off guard I faintly heard her voice calling for him but he's waiting for my answer instead of replying to his fiance.

• "See you then."

• After the phone call, I thought I would cry but the only feeling is there yet emptiness and its the good type.

• "I am so proud of you Y/N. Really." Hyeri who watched our exchange smiled hugging me close a comfortable silence envelopes us as we stay like this for a little longer.

• Approaching with a wild heart and uneasy steps I'm stunned my steps halting like its rooted to the sand all of a sudden to see Jimin out of the water resting on a rock his tail lazily flicking the water with a swinging motion. Gaze trained far away as he played with the water twisting and turning it with his hands just for the liquid to escape his attempts of caging them between his fingers but in vain as it pours back to its rightful place.

• "Why are you sulking here alone?" I take a big step, finding my voice in the process.

• "You came back." Disbelief shadows his tone looking with big round eyes it's hard to look away from his dreamy gaze but I had to when I almost fall into the water while climbing onto the rock he occupies.

• Light giggle finds its way out of his parted lips steadying me with his familiar warm hands on both sides of my waist I beam at him watching as his tail wags creating an uneasy wave just as a puppy would do in favour of showing his happiness.

• "You really came back." Hearing it again perks my interest up. Does this mean?

• "You came here every day in case I come back?" My eyes widen as Jimin's face immediately turns into a very vivid shade of red even his ears are on fire. He fidgets in his sitting position the way he laps the water with his tail slows down looking everywhere just not into my eyes.

• "I was thinking about you too. I just needed time to think about something. It's not related to you though I don't mind really if you are human or not." I offer him a smile just like the first time but now I feel happier, I can truly smile at him with no cloudy thoughts or negative emotions. This smile is only for him and he seems to appreciate it as his smile is more blinding than the last one I saw.

• "I wanted to see you again Y/N." I laughed in an unladylike manner his shyness is endearing in a cute way he watched his hands intertwined in his lap in nervousness a new feeling bubbling in the depth of my stomach as I watched him I felt the urge to touch him hold his hand hug him tight. Is this normal to feel that way? I'm not sure.

• "You're not exactly looking right now." I decided to tease him liking the reactions I can get out of him.

• "I am." He locked his gaze with mine his lip formed a sly smirk when I wasn't able to come up with a witty response shutting down completely when he focused solely on me bare emotions played out in front of my eyes to see. Relief, hope and something else swimming in the depth of that dark orbs of his. Jimin's playfulness is messing with my head big time.

• "Can I touch your tail?" I shyly requested the shining skin makes my eyes wander the length entertaining the idea of how it would feel to touch it. It's probably firm and strong since he swims with it so it has to be strong to push through the uncontrollable waves.

• "Go ahead. Is it only fair no? I touched your legs last time." I nod not trusting my voice how the table has turned I'm the one who is blushing this time.

• It's wet and the texture is weird but I can't help myself. I caress the line where his skin ends and the tail begins I can feel him shudder under my touch I venture further after going down the length of his tail as much as my hand can go I press my fingers into his stomach defined and hard I wonder if all mermen are this fitt as Jimin is.

• "That's not my tail Y/N." The call of my name and the playful tone makes me bashful I pull away apology is on the tip of my tongue when he takes my hand placing it onto his erratically beating heart I look him in the eye to understand what he's trying to tell me with this.

• "I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel different like I never felt before." I start mumbling confused with my actions I try to pull my hand away but he refuses to let me.

• "Nothing is wrong with you. I feel the same. I have this weird excitement in the pit of my belly I want to touch you and I want you to touch me. I think we are soulmates Y/N."

• "What?" Taken aback by the sudden claim Jimin holds my hand tighter fearing that if he allows me go I'll disappear and maybe he is right with that.

• "Don't be scared, please. Let me explain." His eyes begging me to let him rationalize and it pulls at my heartstrings I nod silently letting my fingers stretch out to stroke his skin he relaxes as he releases a long breath I wasn't aware he held back before this very moment.

• "I felt the connection like I was electrified your smile felt like home I was never so attracted to someone as I am to you. Please believe me when I say I am certain that you are the one. The one I was destined to spend the rest of my life with."

• "I don't know Jimin. How is this even possible?" I am a bit sceptical I was never one of those who believed in soulmates. Even if seeing him and every fibre of my body wanted to believe in his thoughtful words that we are meant to be. I am still broken not sure how to swallow this.

• "You don't feel the same, do you?" My heart sinks as his clear eyes hazed by pain. I shake my head I want to comfort him that I feel it that I know what he is implying.

• "I do Jimin." I gaze at him lovingly with a sad smile as soon as his eyes clear it clouds again within seconds.

• "Then why are you looking so sad?" He pushes away my hands on his skin as if I burned him with that single touch and I can't blame him.

• "I liked someone. I was obsessed actually." I start I look up to the sky instead of his face it's easier to talk when I can't see the storm of emotions in them.

• "You are nice Jimin, more than nice. You're perfect and I am broken. I am a horrible person I am miserable and I don't want you to sink in this ship with me. You deserve better than that."

• "Bullshit I want you." Even though I love his determination and it makes my heart flutter I still hesitate to accept his love that would mean I am nothing better than the person who was pinning for his friend when he already loved someone else.

• "How about we .. slow down?" I trail off a little thinking about what should I say that I won't hurt him more than I already did.

• "Slow down to what?" Jimin seems genuinely confused like he doesn't understand me.

• "Let's get to know each other Jimin. We can figure things out together? I would like that."

• "I'm willing to do anything if it means your not going to leave me."

• "Sit with me?" I tap the cold rock next to me Jimin is excited to hop down to the spot splashing a bucket worth of water at me when he used his strength to pull out of the mass of transparent liquid.

• "You look happier today." He looked at me in pure joy. I am happy if you are happy. I smile nodding and kissing his nose as a soft thank you leaves my lips.

• "What for?"

• I give another kiss this time to the corner of his mouth after he questions me amazed by my affectionate actions.

• I went home for a couple of days to visit my parents and to meet with Kyu and his wife we had coffee and some pleasant conversation. I packed my bags and told everyone who is close to me that I'll permanently move to Busan. I had a girls night out with Hyeri the last day. I can tell Jimin was eager to meet me after we haven't seen each other for a week. Things are going well. Too well actually that I often question how long will it last. But not today.

• "I missed you." The words escape without my consent but I don't regret it because Jimin's dazzling smile takes my breath away. Snuggling into my neck as he always does when he feels suddenly shy warms my heart understanding just now what he meant that fateful night it does feel like home.

• "I missed you too." Murmuring it into my skin I let my eyes wander this spot became our spot. I push his head to face me he whines but complies nonetheless using that look against me I so much come cherish like I lit up his dark sky and hung all the stars for him to help along his tiring journey. It's content just to be here and I understand the concept of soulmates for the first time.

• "I have good news for you. Not just for you for us as well." I continue capturing his undivided attention he eyes me curiously.

• "Tell me don't tease me more Y/N." He gives me his best pout the one he knows I cannot say no to.

• "I bought a house here to live with you." My confidence wavering not sure how he will react but my fear dissolves as he smiles cupping my jaw to bring our faces closer. He looks extremely happy.

• "You did? So you won't leave anymore?"

• Nodding to satisfy his enthusiastic neediness confirming my statement with a one more uttered 'yes' before he leans in.

• I tangle my fingers in his locks smiling into the kiss sensing how eager is he to please. I change the angle to deepen

• Tongues intertwined kissing him leaves a salty after taste that is so Jimin he smells like wildflowers his skin is glistening in the sun provided spotlight wet fingers caressing my warm skin thumb moving against my cheekbone I decide to pull on his upper lip I am satisfied when I hear an impatient groan from him

• The kiss gets sloppy after a couple of seconds chasing each other touch while bathing in the setting sun's low glow.

• "I am so glad I met you Jimin. My Jimin." I comb through his hair see him panting to gain back the oxygen I stole from him eyes half-lidded still immersed in the taste he got wishing that we would never stop kissing like this.

• "I'm yours." The breathless answer came soon after.

• With a widening smile I pull him closer he follows my movements like a ragdoll taking in his flustered state I want to tease him more but I decided against it.

• "Do you love me Jimin? Because I certainly do."

• Jimin whines painfully that I start to think I said something wrong but he is quick to reassure me pecking my lips for a short time but dives in soon parting my lips with his own to get another taste.

• "I do. I do love you. I'll always will no matter what."

#bts jimin #jimin fluff #jimin x reader #jimin moodboard #jimin edit #supernatural!au #bts drabble #merman!bts #merman!jimin #bts mermaid au #mermaid au #jimin fanfic #jimin fanfiction #supernatural au bts #bts #bts au fic #bts au fanfic #bts au #bts fluff #bts angst

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Sixty-Eight

A/N: Okay, firstly I cannot apologize enough for the delay. I'm sorry for not posting when I planned on, I have no idea how I feel about this chapter, it's all over the place and I've honestly thought of erasing it and starting back over but that'd take even longer and I don't want to make you guys wait any more. I'm sorry for falling through on my assurance I'd post by Friday.

Timeline in case anyone is wondering, this chapter starts around the 18th of September (flashback is last couple days in July) and ends at the end of September.

I hope you guys like it, perfectly understandable if y'all don't and I will be trying harder next time. Thank you🖤

P.S.--I haven't forgotten about the "D" Viv gets tattooed on her, it's being mentioned in the next chapter.

Words: 4.4K

Warning(s): Explicit language, violence, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of sexual abuse, insensitive implication of suicide.

Tag List: @unknownoblivion  @sinningsixx  @edwardtriggerhandzz  @lemmyjelly  @haileynicoleseavey17  @cierrasixx19  @oskea93  @mgkobsessed  @vamprlestat  @sharon6713  @itsametaphorbriansblog  @miriampraez  @allie-mcginn @xpoisonousrosesx  @rebeccaphillips14  @nicholeh7  @fandomshit6000  @lilmou5ie  @tamedhearts  @divaanya  @kingbouji3 @evrsncnewyork @6ixx6ixx  @ratedrkohardychick91  @floregrohlssard  @oldschoolimagineblog  @thanks2pete  @abaldboi  @swoopygorl @justjodeye @liith-ium  @caos18blog  @ytwahsog  @shamlessobsession @scarecrowmax  @toadspleen @random-internet-user-4471  @solohqrry  @loveofmyloif  @sparxx27  @kaitieskidmore1  @cruecifymesixx  @ijustwanttokiss70srogertaylor  @emmaelizabeth2014 @meetthesixxter  @sixxsixxsexx @sublimeprincesswasteland @arianareirg  @girlnight-terror  @mcnibberachi

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LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

I'm taking another bite of eggs, before an issue of Playboy is plopped down in front of me, into my food. 

I was expecting the cover to hit stands sooner, rather than later. We went back on tour the first of September, and the issue wasn't out until September 16, a couple days after getting back on tour from a separate break that took place a week and a half after our first break at the end of July did.

I'm on the cover, naked, and I hesitantly run my eyes up Doc's body to his eyes, giving an uneasy smile, knowing I'm in trouble. 

I swallow my food and he glares at me. 

Within ten minutes, he's got all of us back into another meeting. 

"Playboy?!" He's pacing the floor, throwing his hands up. "Y-You…" he trails off, the vein popping out on his forehead. 

I look around and notice everybody--Ross, Fred, Tommy, Vince, Mick, Rich--has got a copy of it, flipping through, including Nikki, and I feel my face heat up, slowly sliding down in my seat. 

"...Playboy!" Doc gets out again, before he starts laughing. 

"Was a staff meeting really necessary for this?" I ask him. 

"I mean, it could be worse." Fred tries to take up for me as my question is ignored. 

"Yeah, she could've went behind our backs and shot a porno." Vince adds, glancing at me. "...or did you do that, too?" 

Apparently I don't deny that quick enough because Doc is looking at me with an even more severe look. 

"Did you?!" He asks. 

"No?!" I argue, starting to get pissed. "I posed for Playboy, what's the big deal?" 

Doc starts laughing again. 

"What's the big deal? What's the big deal? What's the bi--what's the big deal?!" He pulls at his hair. "I am about to have a heart attack. I am about to have a heart attack. You--" he lets out a loud yell of frustration and we all look at each other. "--Are you trying to kill me, Viv?! 'Cause I feel like you are!"

"From a photography perspective, they're quite beautiful photos." Ross says positively.

"Yes, I for one want to express my gratitude and admiration for Saint Viv's--well, Dirty Stripper Viv's--contribution to the livelihood of many a jerking offs." Vince states. "Also would like to note," he looks at a particular picture of me before adding, "I've only imagined her doing this position but now that it's here on paper, I'd like her to demonstrate--slowly, in detail--exactly how she twisted hersel--"

"--Dude, shut up!" Tommy snaps, his hands over his eyes, his head back, and Vince grins at me, making me roll my eyes. 

It kind of scares me how quiet Nikki is as he calmly thumbs through his. 

"Okay." Doc takes a deep breath. "When did this happen?" He asks me.

"I got an offer in the mail, and took them up on it, and when we were in Chicago I went by their studio." I explain. "I still don't know what the big deal is. I thought it was the idea for rockstars and Playboy models to be together." 

Doc looks at me with flared nostrils before flipping through his magazine.

"Whose is this?" He asks, turning the magazine around to show me, his finger on Duff's bass. 

I just look at him, not knowing what to say. 

"I know what every bass of Nikki's looks like and it's got too many personalized ticks on it for it to be a random prop they tossed at you." He adds. 

The room is quiet for a moment.

"It's Duff's." Nikki says and Doc raises his brows. 

"The fuck is that?" He questions me. 

"Guns N' Roses bassist." Nikki informs him, his tone neutral.

I'm afraid to look at him, knowing it's gonna break my heart. 

"The band that you've been in my ear about bringing on the tour?"

Nikki let's out a confirming sigh and Doc looks at me. 

"So this kid's gonna bring this bass to play on tour, and everybody's gonna recognize it when they flip through your little stunt here," he waves the magazine, "and it's all gonna come together and they're gonna realize a few days after Vanity allegedly dropped a bombshell about her and Nikki supposedly having an affair--which is said to be bullshit--his wife comes out humping another man's fuckin' bass." He tells me and I roll my eyes. "You roll your eyes all you want. Vanity fucking fried all of us, and then you decided to toss us into the fucking fire. Not that I expect anything different from a goddamn Sixx at this point. You both know how to make shit worse than it already is." 

"I highly doubt they'll notice, Doc." Tommy cuts in again. 

"You stay out of this." Doc snaps at him. 

Another beat of silence goes by.

"Nikki? Your thoughts? You're her fucking husband. You helped kickstart this snowball of shit that just keeps getting bigger and bigger. What's your fucking opinion on her doing this? Am I gonna have to worry about you bending another girl over on stage and going to town in retaliation or what?" Doc sarcastically throws out there. "I mean nothing will fucking surprise my anymore. I just need to know what I need to prepare to clean up next." 

My heart pounds as I look at Nikki, liner smudged, tired eyes, glancing at me as he lets out a defeated sigh. 

"She's a grown woman, Doc." He surprisingly says and I widen my eyes in shock, as everyone else looks worried that Nikki's not screaming at me for it right now. 

Not yet, at least.

"That's it?" Doc asks him, raising his brows. "She didn't say a word about it, didn't give a warning, a heads up, nothing, and she comes out like this and you have absolutely nothing to fucking say?" 

Nikki just shrugs. 

"She just does whatever the hell she wants to do. Doesn't matter how I'd feel before, why does it matter what I feel like, now? Like I said, she's grown. Whatever she wants to do, she can do." He finishes, standing up to leave. 

"Nikki, are you fucking me right now?!" Doc complains as Nikki heads to the door. "You flip your shit over tiny stuff but your own wife does this without even telling you about it and you just brush it off?!"

"Just because she calls me 'daddy' doesn't mean I can act like her fucking father, Doc." Nikki sternly says and my face heats up. "We're not even together so why the fuck would I care what she does or who she does it with?" 

His bark was "I don't give a fuck" and "she can do whatever she wants", but a couple months later his bite was "you aren't worth a fucking thing which is why you had to get naked in a magazine to get validation in the first place" then proceeded to bare his teeth down further into my heart by adding, "just another pussy to unload in and get on to the next attention-humping slut." 

The next thing I knew, Duff was knocking him to the ground and the two of them started ripping into each other like dogs.

Once the meeting is over, after another hour of going back and forth, feeling like I was going to vomit from impending guilt, I'm getting back to my room and making a beeline for the toilet. 

I take a deep breath once I'm done, wiping the few tears from my cheeks. 

I don't feel bad for posing…the entire meeting it took everything not to confess that me posing naked with Duff's bass should be the least of their worries, compared to what other activities  I've gotten up to with him the last time the band had a couple days off and we went back to L.A. 

The sound of my room phone ringing pulls me out of my head

“Hello?” I answer.

“H-Hey.” I hear Tansy’s voice on the other end and I perk up.

“Hey, Tans, how’re you feeling?” I ask her, nervously.

“Good, um…” She lets out a soft sigh. “...I relapsed.”

I close my eyes for a moment, exactly like I did last week, and the week before, and the week before, and so on.

After Sparkie did his damage, Tansy promised to swear the bastard off. But within two weeks of her incident, she was back with him, only because her babysitters--Slash and Steven--left her unattended and she ran off to find him.

They’d find her, threaten Sparkler, bring her back home and the second they turned around long enough, she was gone again. 

Nikki had ordered them that she wasn't supposed to be around Sparkie because he had "accidentally" taken it too far while they were messing around…

Skylar squeals as tickle at her stomach, shampoo sticking her blonde hair straight up while Sharise runs a wash cloth over Sky's back.

When she's done, she's wringing the water out of it. 

"Sky, we gotta wash the shampoo out of your hair." I tell her.

"Nuh." She protests, shaking her head. 

"Skylar, we gotta get the shampoo out so we can get conditioner in your hair and get the tangles out."

"Nuh." She states, looking at us like we're crazy. 

"Don't be a diva like daddy." Sharise tell her, raising her brows. 

"Da-da?" 

"Da-da's golfing." She replies.

Skylar looks between us. 

"Nuh." She argues. "Beebee." She points at me. 

Sharise looks at me and hands me the little plastic cup she uses to rinse Sky's hair. 

"I'm gonna grab a towel from the couch." Sharise tells me. "Let Veevee rinse your hair." 

Skylar's cooperative, letting me get the shampoo from her hair and letting me put conditioner in and rinsing it out. 

When we're done, Sharise is picking Skylar up from the bath and wrapping her in her towel. 

The phone starts ringing and I dry hands off and stand up. 

"I'll get it." I assure Sharise.

"Alright, it could be Vince. He said he'd call before he headed home."

"Okay."

I go to the living room and pick the phone up.

"Hello?"

"I'm coming by to pick you up." It's Nikki, and I furrow my brows and look at the time. 

"What're you doing up before two o'clock?" 

"I got a call from a hospital in Malibu. Tansy's in surgery right now."

My blood runs cold and I can't get my thoughts together. 

"Just be ready when I get there." He adds. "I'm leaving the house, now."

"O-Okay." 

He hangs up and I head to Skylar's room where Sharise is helping her pick out some clothes. 

"That was Nikki." I inform her and she looks at me. "Tansy's at the hospital in the middle of a surgery."

"Oh my God, is she okay?" 

"I don't know."

"Is she having more heart problems or--"

"--I have no idea, Sharise. Nikki didn't explain."

Despite her body being pumped full of varying drugs, none of them caused her to be sent to the ER. Something else entirely, did though.

"She's more susceptible to complications during surgery due to her previous heart problems and her drug use. She did decide to sign a DNR--"

"--I'm sorry, what's been signed?" Nikki raises his brows at the nurse. 

"A do-not resuscitate order. Meaning if she were to code, we can not perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation." 

"So you just fucking let her die?!" 

"Nikki, they had to explain to her what it meant, and she still agreed--" I'm cut short.

“--You know how much fucking heroin she fucking shoots on a daily basis?! I'm not even sure she could fucking see to sign her God damn in the first place, let alone comprehend you motherfuckers selling her death!" Nikki barks and the nurse sighs.

“Nikki, she’ll be fine.” I try to tell him.

"Fuck that!" He screams, fear in his eyes.

"Nikki, that's only if something goes wrong, alright? So far everything is going okay." I try to reassure him, my eyes drifting to her nurse. "Right?"

The surgery itself was going smoothly. One thing Tansy didn't tell us, however, was one of her kidneys was shot from her drug and alcohol abuse, and she asked her doctor to go ahead and take the thing out.

"She's in good hands." Is all the nurse says, before adding, "she should be out in a couple more hours." 

She walks away and Nikki shakes his head and lets out a heavy breath. 

"It'll be okay." I say to him.

“You gonna fucking pray about it or something?” He sneers at me.

“Yes.”

“Right, imaginary friends solve all of the world’s problems.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me doing something that brings me some peace.” I argue.

“You’ve been praying for me for the past six years. Feel any fucking peace, yet?” He snaps.

Believe it or not, no. I hadn’t felt any fucking peace.

It doesn’t take Tansy much longer to get out of surgery, and Nikki and I are horrified when her doctor explains what exactly he was repairing, being that the nurse wouldn’t tell us.

“Like...a shooter sized bottle--”

“--Pint.” He says to us and Nikki and I look at eachother.

“They tried to fit a pint sized bottle of Jack into her…?” I trail off.

“Well, they made it fit, it just didn’t stay intact.” He replies.

“The bottle of her vagina?” I question.

“I had to stitch up her vaginal wall extensively, and made sure to remove every piece of glass, including micrograins. Her left fallopian tube would have been compromised if the piece of glass that completely punctured through her vaginal wall, would have moved 0.004mm, which is about the thickness of a single strand of hair.” He states. “She’s very lucky her uterus or ovaries weren’t compromised. That wouldn’t have been as easy of a fix.”

“A--A bottle?” I’m stll stuck on them fitting a fucking bottle into her, my face twisted in horror as my stomach drops and my skin crawls.

He holds up a small container and rattles it around, the sound of glass swishing around making me cringe.

“Jesus fucking christ.” Nikki lets out.

“I’m going to tell her when she wakes, but please reiterate after me, that the next time she and her partner wish to add some heat to their sex life, maybe try not to be so blatantly reckless.” He suggests and Nikki and I nod, still speechless.

In a couple more hours, Nikki and I’s ears perk when she groans a little, our eyes shifting to look at her in her hospital bed.

Her bright blue eyes blink open, her brows furrowed in confusion, and it seems everything slowly falls into place for her.

“Tans?” Nikki says and she looks straight at him, just blinking.

“Where’s Sparkie?” She asks and we look at each other.

“We haven’t seen him.” I explain.

“Oh.” She quietly mumbles, closing her eyes again for a moment.

“Tansy, what the hell happened?” Nikki starts, a sharp tone in his voice.

She looks at me, carefully, before speaking.

“We were just trying to spice things up.” She says softly.

“With a fucking Jack Daniel’s bottle that clearly wouldn’t naturally fit inside of you?” He lets out.

She doesn’t say a word back, I almost think she doesn’t hear him, until she says:

“I’m not fighting right now.”

“Let’s just let her rest, okay?” I suggest. “She’s exhausted and she doesn’t need to be stressed out right now.”

Nikki sighs, but keeps his mouth shut.

After a few more minutes, I’m wanting a snack.

“You have any cash?”

He looks at me and I give him my best smile, making him exhale softly, digging in his back pocket for his wallet.

“How much?” He asks, clearing his throat.

“Like, a couple bucks.” I shrug and he hands it to me. “Thank you.”

I go to the vending machines past the waiting area, to see Sparkie sitting by the window, eating his food, and I glare at him as I walk by.

He doesn’t see me, unfortunately, and I just keep going to the Pepsi Cola machine calling my name.

I want to go curse him out, but Tansy doesn’t need the stress, and being they were both high as a kite, I can’t solely put the blame on him and only him.

She should have just left him years ago. All he’s been is trouble that she doesn’t need.

I get my Pepsi and a pack of M&Ms, walking around a little to stretch my legs since I’ve been sitting for hours.

I let out a heavy breath when I remember I’m nearly out of Nardil, being I flushed a majority of my bottle down the toilet in an angry effort.

I’ll make sure to call in some more before we leave for the next leg of the tour.

As I start on my way back to the room, I’m interrupted by the sight of Nikki and Sparkie standing face to face in the waiting room, and I drop my Pepsi and food when Nikki slams Sparkie’s head into the wall without a single word beforehand.

“Sir!” The receptionist yells, standing up as I go to them as fast as I can to get Nikki off of him as he grabs his shirt and punches the shitfire out of Sparkie, one of his teeth crumbling to the floor.

“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” He promises as he punches him two more times, not taking a breath in between with no signs of stopping his assault until Sparkie’s brain is bursting from his skull, but I’m managing to get Nikki off of him, making him drop Sparkie to the floor, his nose and mouth busted up as security comes in.

We were escorted out, and when we got home I called Steven and informed him what happened to Tansy, leaving out what actually happened because I didn’t need anyone else possibly being sued for trying to kill Sparkie, and he went to keep an eye on her.

“Anyone else you want to beat the shit out of while we’re home?” I snap as we get to the car.   “First Vanity, now Sparkie--”

"--What, you wanna go back in there and coddle him the way you did Vanity?" He hisses and I roll my jaw. 

"You know exactly why I 'coddled' her."

"Oh, right, because men aren't suppose to hit women so I'm an evil bastard for knocking the shit out of her even though she was punching and hitting at me."

"I've punched and hit at you and you've never--"

"--She came into our house, attacked me, and punched you, too, Vivian! I had a reason to bust her face up a little bit!"

"I can handle shit myself, Nikki, there was no need for you to hit her like that!" 

"It's called 'equal rights'! All you women want is to be seen equally and shit! You fucking punch me like you're a man, I'm gonna fucking punch you back, like you're a fucking man! Don't hit me like you've got bigger balls than I do and then scream and cry and whine and plead 'frail, innocent, victimized, dainty, woman' when you get treated equally!" 

"I don't do that!" 

"No, but you sure as hell were all about feeding the cracked out beast when she fucking did!" 

"That's it. I'm walking home." 

"Walking home? We're forty minutes away from L.A., Viv." 

"I'll hitch a ride! I'd rather be in a car with a sketchy stranger than be trapped with you for the next hour!"

"You've been trapped with me the past four years!" He barks. 

"Not for much longer, thank God!" I bite out and his face slowly falls. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Pretty sure going our separate ways is just inevitable for us at this point, Viv, so it's fine." He brushes it off and my heart hurts at the thought. "And I'm sorry for going after Sparkie in public. But I'm not apologizing for defending Tansy. I'm not ever gonna be sorry for defending any of my friends."

“What happened, Nikki?” I ask him. “What the hell made you go after him like that? You were fine when I left.”

He lets out a breath, his nostrils flaring, his knuckles gripping tightly to the wheel as he closes his eyes and forces himself to calm down, before saying:

“Nothing. I just really thought about it and it got to me.”

I didn’t find out what happened until Tansy told me months down the road, and nobody else knows that’s actually what happened.

If Stevie and Slash knew what really occurred to put Tansy in that shape to begin with, they would’ve killed Sparkie the second Tansy first went back and "relapsed" on him.

"Tansy, he hurt you." I remind her. "And I know it was an accident but it doesn't matter. He could've seriously messed you up more than he did."

"I know, but I love him, Viv." She argues. 

"Tansy--"

"--Nikki shot you. And you're still with him." 

"Because Nikki was high out of his mind and didn't realize he actually was shooting at me. He thought I was someone after him." 

"Sparkie was fucked up and didn't know he was hurting me."

"Who the hell shoves a pint-sized glass bottle up their cunt to begin with, Tansy?" I raise my voice, getting aggravated with her.

"I'm gonna go." She tells me, calmly, after a moment of being quiet. "And I saw your Playboy issue--Steven got it. You look very beautiful." She genuinely says and I let out a defeated breath.

"Thanks."

"I'll talk to you later, Viv, okay?"

"Got it."

"I love you, bye."

"I love you, too, bye-bye." 

I hang up and fall back on the bed, groaning loudly in frustration. 

"How the hell can someone be as passively suicidal as she is?" I let out.

I'd find out soon enough.

In the last ten days of September, "Girls, Girls, Girls" is certified double-platinum, a $5000 lawsuit is filed against the band after a mother had apparently suffered "severe hearing dysfunction and mental anguish" at a recent concert. 

I wish I could sew these bastards for hearing dysfunction and mental anguish because God himself sure as shit knows I've had my fair share of it due to them, too.

By the end of the month, Nikki has Doc convinced to bring Guns N Roses on tour for the south leg, starting at the end of October…and I don't know how to feel about it. 

"Are you not excited about it?" Fred asks me after Doc leaves his hotel room after coming in to tell me the news. "Thought they were your buddies." He adds and I look at him from where I'm eating a fry from the fast food bag that he'd gone and got for us.

"They are." I confirm, nodding. "I'm excited." 

"...You just acted like Doc told you we were going to a funeral." He chuckles, sipping his drink and I lick my lips a little. 

"No, it's great, I'm just a little stressed out." I shrug. "But I'm fine." 

"Viv, what's going on?" He's not buying it and Iet out a soft breath, nervously picking the skin from the instead of my cheek with my teeth. 

"There's just a slight complication." I tell him and he raises his brows. 

"I'm all ears." He offers and I exhale, shaking my head a little, before opting for a way to confess my sins to him without him knowing I'm the one that needs forgiveness. 

"Well, you know how Sparkie and Tansy have been together for a long time?"

"Yeah." He nods. 

"She's really good friends with Axl, too, and her and Sparkie have been having some problems and might even break up so Tansy's been anxious and panicking a little, and, well…" I think for a moment. "...over this past break, Tansy slept with Axl." I say and his brows raise. "Who's the singer for Guns, and they've kinda been having a weird relationship situation thing happening ever since, but she's still with Sparkie, and being that she and Sparkie are along for the tour, Axl's gonna be around and she doesn't want Sparkie to find out what's been happening." 

"Why won't Tansy just break things off with Sparkie?"

"She doesn't want to hurt him."

"He's a piece of shit to her, are you kidding me? I'd tell that motherfucker he could go blow his fucking brains out over it." He scoffs, chewing his burger and I feel my heart sink, apparently he reads the look on my face. "Sorry, I forget women are wired a different way than guys are." He apologizes, swallowing his food before saying:

"Does Axl make her happier, you think?" 

"Sparkie's just exhausting her at this point. I think she really loves him, she's just tired of fighting and she hasn't had any peace in years, you know? She's just really tired. But when she's with Axl, she feels like everything isn't falling apart. She's at peace." 

"I think she's gotta tell Sparkie they just aren't working anymore. And be honest about how she feels instead of trying to brush over it and find ways to escape from it. I've seen her do some questionable shit, and I know it's because she's in pain and just doesn't want to deal with what's hurting her. I think this fling she's got with this dude is another way of crying for a way out, but she feels like she's too trapped to actually leave Sparkie." He explains. 

I nod slowly, tearing up a little. 

"I'm just worried about it, is all."

"Don't be." He shakes his head. "Just tell her what I just told you, and maybe she'll be done with Sparkie before Guns comes on a month from now." 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment.

"I doubt it." I say so quietly he doesn't even hear it.

I felt like I'd gotten a little bit of my guilt off my chest--aside from the fact that I was leaving out a minor detail:

"Sparkie" = Nikki, "Tansy" = Vivian, and, "Axl" = Duff.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

[chquine]

Normie Tactics: Piggyback

Inspired by @justmorerpmemes prompts: "I can't... You're going to have to carry me..." and "I can't move... I'm too tired..."

Also the reaction on the previous Normie Tactics was overwhelming, I got more inspired. XD

I do not own Levi or the setting of the world he is in. The story is the only thing I own.

That said, ENJOY!! <3

<>.<>

Levi was scouting the location of Ruri-chan's fanmeet in two weeks. As a die hard fan of the idol, it was unacceptable for him to not be first in line. He estimated that he would have to camp at the venue at midnight; two days before the actual event. The venue had a bathroom where he could freshen up and change his clothes before meeting with the idol. As much as he did not like it, most of his games and anime would have to be put at the backburner.

Awww maaaan... And I just got a copy of I Can't Believe I've Used Up All of My Nine Lives and Still Didn't Get a Girlfriend and the new visual novel Heaven's Door. Then again, this is Ruri-chan. Aaaaaaaah! Geez! If only I could somehow do all of them at the same time!!

He was walking back to the House of Lamentation when his D.D.D vibrated in his pocket. Mammon and Asmo were prone to spamming him with messages full of nonsense, so Levi had his phone silenced most of the time. It only vibrated when someone in his emergency contacts sent him a message or called him, and there were only two people there: Lucifer and you.

Pulling out the device his screen showed a candid shot of you in your pajamas, drinking from a straw, holding one of the controllers in his room, and staring at the television intently. Immediately, his heart rate quickened.

Wait she called me? A girl is actually calling me?! I mean she's a 3D human normie, but she still has XX chromosomes!! So this counts! She's also pretty cute and-gaaaaah!! What the heck am I saying???

"Hello?" He tried to sound as casual as possible.

Don't let her know you wanted her to call, Levi. Cause like... You definitely didn't.

"L-L-L-Lord Levi?"

"Who's this?" He did not recognize the voice.

Oh man! Is this a kidnapping scenario?? No wait, everyone knows she's Lord Diavolo's guest. Did she drop her phone somewhere? Nah, too unexciting... And it's not like my friendship level with her's high enough for me to contacted for emergencies...

Before his thoughts could come up with a couple hundred more conclusions about her (which was not because he was worried, of course), the lesser demon explained that the human had collapsed while working at the Akuzon delivery center and that they had called whoever was at speed dial one. It filled Levi with no small amount of giddiness when he heard this, because he was in speed dial one; not Mammon or Lucifer.

That's totally normal right? I mean... It's not like I wanted to be in speed dial one! Not at all! Who'd want to be immediately informed if someone they cared about was in an emergency? Certainly not me.

"Okay. I'm on my way."

Wait! Is this another normie tactic? Already in enough trouble, Mammon is. Looking for someone else to face Lucifer, this human is. Well, fall for it, Levi will not.

Despite himself, he was already in front of the Akuzon delivery center. You were lying down on one of the many couches, looking pale and haggard. Lucifer had allowed you to work so you could have personal Grimm you could spend, assuming that Mammon didn't borrow from you.

Knowing that idiot, he probably did borrow money. Ugh... He's totally insensitive towards other people. Not that I particularly care or anything...

"Levi?"

"Y-yeah?" He was startled by the sudden sounding of your voice.

"Can we go home now?"

He nodded and reached out a hand to you; he tilted his head when you made no move to get up. "Well?"

"I um... I can't walk," you said sheepishly.

Levi blinked at you, trying to process what you were saying.

Aha! A normie tactic it was!! Knew it, I did!! She's got another thing coming if she thinks she can make me carry her!!

"Sorry Levi," you said looking much like Mammon when Lucifer took his credit card. "I've been running on fumes for three days, and I'm really sorry... I can't move... I'm too tired."

He blinked, feeling quite a bit of concern. It was odd to Levi how he had the smallest bit of concern he had only ever felt for the 2D-related contents of his room.

I-I-I-It's only cause I need someone to play coop raids and games with. Yeah! She's a fragile, 3D, normie human, but like... Gaaaaaaah! Even, I cannot!!

"You... Can't?" His voice cracked and he mentally smacked himself.

"I can't... You're going to have to carry me..."

THERE IT IIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!! I KNEW IT! I KNEW SHE WAS TRYING TO TROPE ME!! It was a normie tactic!! She knows I'll get (CENSORED) by Lucifer if I leave her here. Plus! Carrying a girl is totally an existing fantasy! Ugh! Outwitted me, this human has.

Levi found that he wasn't really upset about it as he carried you on his back. "Y'know I don't really have the stats for stuff like this," he told you as he made his way to the House of Lamentation.

"Sorry," you said. "Am I heavy?"

"No. Have you been eating properly? N-N-N-Not that I care! But like... Lucifer's not going to like hearing this happened."

"Hmmm... I think so?"

"Well... Beel's been eating more than usual lately. But doesn't the cafeteria at RAD have food?"

"It does. I just forget..." you chuckled lightly. "There's something I want to buy."

"I mean... If you asked I'd buy it for you."

Before he could even process that thought, Levi had already spoken it. His cheeks flushed and he started sputtering: "D-D-Don't g-g-g-get the wrong i-i-i-idea!! It's um... a bribe. Yeah! It's a bribe cause Ruri-chan's fanmeet is in two weeks and I have to be first in line. So I'm camping two days before the event and-!"

You laughed, immediately shutting him up. "Thank you, Levi."

Soon your breathing evened out and Levi finally reached the House of Lamentation. It was his turn to cook in the morning, so he would have to make sure that Beel doesn't inhale everything in a split second. On the other hand, he was over the moon.

Totally rad, this is. Believe that a girl is on my back, I cannot. Go wild when told about this, the forums will.

As soon as he thought that, Levi stopped in his tracks. He thought about this previously when you pulled that yukata trick on him during the summer festival. And just like then, he was not so inclined to tell other shut ins like him that he had piggybacked a cute girl.

Okay she's not cute or anything!! She's just a girl!! BUT it would be totally unfair if they gained EXP from my pact!! So boo-hoo for them!! I'm not sharing this!

<>.<>

Thanks for reading!! Also this made my heart just go... xD

#obey me #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #normie tactics #piggyback rides #levi can still carry you fite me on this #obey me spoilers #obey me screenshot #based on a prompt #well... two prompts

[jiwonsssi]

— worth it.

It's always difficult to stay sane in relationships. Especially if it's about Eun Jiwon.

warnings: unprotected sex, oral sex (like a tiny attempt), swearing.

characters: Eun Jiwon, 'you'.

The thing is, Jiwon was never an easy task. To talk with, to work with, to live with, to date in general; he had always been able to find a topic to bicker about just as a part of his hobby. You were wondering everytime that happened; like, how one person can make so much noise? It's funny and cute most of the times; he didn't ever crossed a line. Never complaint about your cooking skills, or your clothes, style; appearance. Your way of life was also never a topic for his antics even when you were one hundred percent sure he had some troubles with accepting this or that.

He never meant to hurt you in any way; although he did. And it hurts like hell now. Because his 'I didn't say anything wrong' is the problem, not his words about something you don't even remember for now. Seeing you barely able to control tears and still continuing to step on what got you crying. He might be right a hundred times, but it didn't matter. It still doesn't and would never be. At least for you.

And when you leaved him, advising him to think about what he says, Jiwon was still sure that he did the right thing. He's really unpredictable sometimes, because heaven knows, it's the first time you realised just how stupid, stubborn and insensitive he could actually be.

So you didn't talk for, somehow, four days. And it broke your heart even more. He texted you once, but lowering your expectations and being okay with this treatment? Thank you, no. He's not busy now and you know it. And he knows where you are. It's not like he's not able to come to talk, to sort things out. At this point it's not about crying and complaining how he mistreated you and so on and so forth; it's about fighting him for greater good. Good old rage. At the first day, you cried like a bitch; fighting with him was never that harsh on you while you were never that sensitive. Just the whole situation, and stress, and him not paying attention to that. So if he would have been here then, it would be alright. You didn't even need his apologies, you just wanted to cry not in a pillow all alone, but in his shoulder. At the second day, you were a lot calmer. That's when the text happened and that 'you alright? im sorry' even made you uncertain in some way; but.. not so much. At the third day came alcohol and best friend, and they made everything so much easier. Maybe it helped because the whole evening you two were just playing games, without discussing anything. It surely cleared your head so now, at the forth day, you were certain in the fact that you want to show him just how angry you are.

- 'Im sorry', pff, you sure should be, - muttering it under your breath while trying to open the door in apartments when he lives, you tried to keep your mind clear. You really tried. But the thing is, you love him so much, that you totally not going to lose him over some fight when you two were just stressed out. And you love yourself enough to make him understand that that's not going to happen again.

- Why did you ignore me? - and here he stands, clearly just out of bed. It's not even a mid day, it's evening and he was sleeping. Not surprised. He looks like an angry bird with that messy hair and messed up shirt and pants. Yet you are here not to admire his sleepy cuteness.

- Hello, dear, - does your voice sound as pissed as you are? Kicking your shoes to the corner, you made your way past him. And he just continued staying in a doorway with his hands crossed on his chest and eyes scanning your every movement then following you into bedroom.

- Why? - he particulary screams this part, more like makes it long, loud and annoyed. He should be annoyed. Must be.

- That's all you have to say? - you continue almost throwing your papers in a document folder, trying your best to not to lose patience. And, somehow, cry. Out of anger and sadness, because now he's doing the same thing again and that shit hurts.

- Not really, - he comes closer, taking all of the documents from your hands and shaking it in front of your face, - But I don't think you are here to listen. Those fucking pieces of paper are the only things you care about!

- No, I-

- Shut up, please, I'm talking, - his tone is solid, serious and angry, and you barely saw him this worked up. But you still want to say what you have to say. Even tho he has rights to speak, - You know what I see most of the times when I come home? You, sleeping around the table or you, sleeping on a coach because you are so tired you barely able to walk to the bed. Am I right?

- Yeah, but..

- Still not finished, - he throws documents he holds to the floor, making it flowing in different directions and you want to kill him for that. You organized them for so long and he just threw it away like it was nothing. You don't realize how your face is changing because of it but he gets even more pissed, - See? You care more about work than about my speech. I told you one hundred, one million and billion times to stop overworking yourself. I believe in that you want to be the best, you want you career to be perfect, but I want you, only, fuck, only you, to be healthy.

You start to slowly realise what he is talking about. He's worrying about you. But yet still, there is a bubbling feeling in your chest you can't just forget about.

- And when you were hurt by my words, God, I wanted to comfort you more than anything, but you wouldn't understand any fucking thing because your brain only works when you are this angry, - he pokes your forehead with his finger and exhales slowly, closing his eyes, - I don't care about any of your achievements if you would continue killing yourself. I would never support that. And that's why I don't care about what you want to say, what excuse you want to make up. That's bullshit, I don't buy it, - Jiwon looks you directly in the eyes and the last time you saw him this serious.. you never had, to be honest, - And you can be angry with me for as long as you want to if that means you would understand what I mean.

Your anger has, well, just slightly calmed down. It's difficult to be angry when he is like that. You were lectured like a child and that's one of the very few times you felt his age authority. And he maybe even right. Pursuing your lips a little, you avoid his gaze for a few moments in order to put your thoughts together. You don't like being lectured and he's so calm now. And that is the most confusing about the whole fight. Does he really mean it? But!

- Aren't you trying to find more reasons to stay angry? It's all written on your face now, - Jiwon steps aside a little, stepping on one of the papers on the floor to test your limits. On his face. It's all written on his goddamned face.

- Stop it, - you move in his direction and he moves further back, making sure to stop on every fucking piece of every fucking document he finds on his way, - Stop!

- Then you stop taking extra work hours and bringing it home, - he puts special treatment to one of the contracts you were working on for the longest time and you know that you already ready to beg.

- But I can't! I need to, - you try to get on your knees to save maybe something, but give up on it when you see basically everything is damaged, - Oh fuck. I'm jobless now. God..

- I offered you a good deal without that shittyass boss who uses you like a conveyer, - paper cracks under him and you push oxygen out of your lungs with such a power that your head slightly spinning so you support your forehead with a palm. Jobless, for real.

Actually you don't know why are you not upset about it.

- I can't take it.

- Because it's a good deal? How thoughtful and logical, I love a smart girl!

- Shut up, you! - you throw a paper at him. Now he just annoys you. No anger. Pure hate.

- Get ready to a cheesy line, - he smirks and you roll your eyes fully aware of what he's going to say, - Make me.

And you do. You crash your lips on his, feeling his hands on your waist momentary. He pulls your incredibly close, enough for your sides to ache slightly in places he touches you.

- I missed you, - he murmurs into your lips, pushing you slightly to the bed until your legs touch it's border, without breaking constant contact between your bodiesand lips. You can tell that he smoked by the strong smell of cigarettes and bitter taste on the tip of your tongue. God, you love it.

- Me too, - biting his lower lip, you fully realise that is not going to be gentle. You can clearly see it in his eyes; he needs that stress to be gone. And you totally can relate.

You feel his lips moving down your neck, leaving small hickeys; the only thing he has patience to actually do. He's impatient and turned on; his hands are barely able to unzip your jeans but Jiwon does it with such a determination, you giggle.

And then he rips off the button, sucking on your skin so hard you jerk aside a little. No giggling. Understood.

- That was new and I'm jobless now. So, would you be my sugar daddy? That's what you wanted all along? - somehow you find a strenght to tease while feeling your head spinning when he pushes you to the bed. His face is priceless tho.

- You need to earn it, babygirl, - he smirks, looking at you from the top and slapping your tight roughly. You are not into that daddy thing and he never ever called you like that, but Jesus fucking Christ, that was hot as hell.

Jiwon takes off a shirt, when you particularly jump out of your pants and hoody. Now it's his time to smile because the determination on your face is precious.

Sex always starts with the hot, rough vibe and in the end you find him smiling like that and there is no way you can keep that mood.

- Jiwon, please, - you move closer to him, pushing your thighs into him, feeling his erection against your hip. Jiwon lets his hands roam your body, stopping near every damn piece of underwear you have on yourself and that's just rude.

- I thought it 'daddy' now, - he pushes his pelvis harder between your legs, making you squeak in front of him at the sudden friction. It's obvious that he's kidding, it's all in his shit-eating grin. Unbearable.

- You wish, old man, - you get on your elbows, before he's able to do anything, to grab him by the neck for a kiss. Sometimes he really needs to keep his mouth shut and that's the best way to do it. The kiss sends you on fire, he's crashing you against his body with full force, one of hands snake your waist firmly and other squeezes your ass to give it another light slap. You squirm, digging your nails into his shoulders and moan into the kiss, feeling him smirking.

- So you have a thing for old men then? - you basically roar with anger, tugging on his hair so hard, he hisses and slaps you harder this time. Almost a year of relationships with him taught you that it's better to just shup up now so you won't end up bickering for an hour.

He puts you on the bed again, after striping you out of your bra, howering on top and places short wet kisses everywhere he can manage to reach. You try your best to not to squirm like crazy, but fail obviously. With him grinding against you core, you're not sure how much longer you can wait. The feeling of him against your body is like addiction; addicting euphoria of which you would never be able to get rid of.

You've been angry with him for so long, yet now it's impossible to fight with him. You are gone for; surrendered without a battle. Cause you love him like that. Jiwon looks incredibly hot when he's serious and concentrated. You would never confess it to him; but his dominant side might have you on your knees, pleading for him, in seconds. He didn't even need to do anything.

He takes off your panties and you grasp on bed sheets with a loud moan when he's pushing one finger inside, adding the second right after, making you lose your breath for a while. He moves his hand fast, gently pinching one of your nipples with another, kissing that place right after. There is not a single thought in your head; just him. His lips, when he kisses you, swallowing small noises you make and the way he's circling your clit with his thumb. He builds sexual frustration in you methodical, knowing for sure what to do to make you cum. And he's extremely generous today.

Jiwon is quick to make his way down your body to settle between your legs. You don't fully realise what happened when you feel his tongue instead of his thumb, sucking you harshly, just the way you liked it. He brings you just what you need, just the way you like it. Tangling fingers in his hair, you push him closer, not caring to control your actions. As well as moans and everything else. Because, damn, he's tongue can send you on edge; in every way possible.

He curls his fingers, continuously pumping the same spot and you are done for in a moment. Feeling every nerve and muscle in your nody being tensed with anticipation, relief comes upon like a blessing and even tho Jiwon guiding you through your orgasm, you so fucking lost, you don't understand where you are for a second.

You feel him pulling away, mewling something at the loss of him and touches on extra sensitive skin. And he buries his head in a crook of your neck, placing small kisses over and over again while you try to calm your erratic breathing.

- Another one for me. Please, - his voice is so tensed, low, he particularly grunts it to your ear, kissing it gently, while lowering his pants and boxers, - Okay?

It's not like you are able to answer him when your head is still spinning anyway. He receives a shaky nod from you, kissing your lips shortly and furrows his brows, lining himself between your folds. You let a long, high-pitched sound escape on top of your lungs when you feel it; and you hear him sucking on his breath, pressing your foreheads together.

- Look at me, - you mess his hair even more and look him in the eyes; he is so beautiful. Just like that. Messy hair, sticking to his skin because of sweat and how he's worked up; how his lips parting slightly and brows furrows when he slides himself into you. And that pure bliss on his face when he starts moving inside. He feels amazing; God, the best you have ever felt.

And he thinks the absolute same about you.

Jiwon's heavy hot breathes stuck on your lips, you digging your nails in his shoulders lightly, when you feel the coiling in your stomach starts to boil exponentially all over again. Especially when he pulls you into erratic kiss, chasing your small moans with his lips. He's so hot, his skin radiates the warmth you are so used to, but now you feel like burning, when trapped beneath him. Jiwon still smells like cigarettes, slight aroma of his perfume that is imprinted on his skin now and something that you can't describe. Something, that makes him Jiwon you love; and being drowning in his scent, while he steadily pounds into you, murmuring something that you can't even understand - you wouldn't change it for anything.

You place a kiss under his jaw, right below his ear, fully aware of what it does to him. You feel chills running down your spine when he fastens the pace, squeezing your hip harder. You can't last forever, every brush against your extra sensitive now skin makes you squirm and he continues to brush that particular spot with his tip.

But never uncomfortable. He gave it to you nicely the first time, now he tortures you again. That's just how he likes you - when you are on the edge, but not able to do anything. He craves for your moans, for seeing you going crazy beneath him, for how you bite your lip or scratch his spine with your nails. He loves you like that. Like nothing in the world.

But he loves you better when you lose it. When your toes curl and you shut your eyes tightly, holding your breath for seconds while he thrusts into you harder, faster and you hold on him for dear life, releasing that one loud moan of relief in the end.

And he mixes it with his pleasure, when you kiss right below his lower lip; so gently, delicate while you pulse around him and squeeze him so tight it hurts and when releases deep inside, thrusting in you forcefully, losing his control.

That's how he likes it the best.

Hell, he could fuck you for hours. If he wasn't so exhausted after.

Because even containing himself and pushing himself off you, it's hella amount of work for which he has no strength.

- I love you, - you murmur it quietly in his temple, turning your head a little, because he just burrowed his face in your neck to calm down.

- Me too, - his voice sharp and raspy, he lifts his head up a little, kissing the tip of your nose and his smile is incredible. It's amazing how he changes after sex. Everytime. He just smiles fully yet so tender, looking at you with full adoration; you could forgive him everything. His kisses are so light you barely feel it, Jiwon leaves a kiss everywhere he sees a hickey and hugs you so delicate like you are made of glass.

- I missed you, - you giggle, when he blows on your neck and looks up at you, rolling to the side to pull himself out, - How are you able to be so sweet? That's impossible.

- You are always free to check that. Just saying, - he laughs, seeing your firstly confused than hella 'not disappointed and not surprised' face and pulls you into a bear hug, showering you with kisses so he could make you smile again.

Every nerve you lost on him is worth it.

#eun jiwon #sechskies #imagine

[elistransblahg]

1 year on T!

And boy do I have some updates! Early disclaimer for some medical terminology some trans guys may not be comfortable with.

So my dose was raised last week to two pumps of 200mg/2ml compounded cream. I am now on what is generally considered a full dose of testosterone. I don't regret taking it slow, but I'm ready to speed it up a bit!

Before we get to the physical bit, we're gonna talk about the mental stuff.

My anger issues have essentially died since starting T. I feel like my life has meaning and that I have stuff to look forward to and as a whole I'm just a much happier person. That being said, dysphoria is still a little bitch. My need for top surgery is growing and my means to get there is not (although I do know what surgeon I want). I'm so far detached from my chestnuts that even seeing other people's is dysphoria-inducing. Bottom dysphoria is also a thing now. I definitely want a packer, I'm not just debating on it anymore.

Despite that though, I'm overall a happier and more laid-back person than I used to be.

On to physical stuff! Same as always, top to bottom. Another disclaimer for those who may not be comfortable with medical terminology. I apologize for the photo quality, it's cold in my house and I'm very sleepy lmao

My hairline has definitely changed, though it's still not at all concerning. It's made more obvious by my widow's peak, which is less obvious here because my roots are coming in lol

As you can also slightly see in this, my eyebrows haven't really changed but I do have a lil bit of facial hair coming in! It's just... very blond. It's very there, but very blond. I have three long hairs under my chin and a little mustache goin on. I tried to take a better picture of it but alas, the lighting in my house won't let me.

Little comparison for facial structure, again sorry for the sleepy. Anyway... I don't feel I've changed too much since day one, changed the side I part my hair on but... correct me if I'm wrong loooool

Voice! So! I posted a quick song a little while ago and that's how my singing voice sounds now. I was never comfortable posting my singing anywhere but I'm getting there! I will be posting a couple videos of me talking later. Its bizarre to me that my singing voice has changed so much more drastically than my speaking voice. When I listen to my own voice now, whether just talking or singing, I'm actually pretty happy with how far I've come. I like how it sounds. On its own, I feel like my voice passes pretty well as a stereotypical gay man's. I'm gonna keep training it and hope it drops more c:

I have noticed no change in shoulders. I'm starting to work out though so here's hoping.

No difference in chestnuts since the last update, but since this is the one year update I'm gonna say stuff anyway. Before starting testosterone I wasn't one to bind very often because of health concerns, so I can safely say that my chest sags and no longer has any kind of self-support. I do bind regularly now as I'm starting to pass to the general public, and it honestly has not changed the shape of my chest further. My chest has always been pretty insensitive to any kind of touch, but surprisingly enough it's even more so now.

My arms are hairier (though I had monkey arms to begin with) and some months ago I had bumps all over em where more hair was growing in. Those have, for the most part, healed. The hair is blond. I'm a redhead. Why is everything blond.

I don't have any chest hair, but I do have a slight happy trail. No other hair on my stomach though.

Hips! They've lost a little bit of their shape but I was/am a very curvy person and I can only hope T will fix that.

Disclaimer for bottom talk! No pictures, don't worry!

Every time I say this and every time it's worse. The ass hair. The fuckin ass hair is real. And real fuckin annoying.

As for the front end... My clit is still growing. It looks like a lil penis. It's cute. No I will not be sharing pictures. Don't ask. I'm tired of it.

My vagina still discharges and cleans itself and all that. A lot of guys report being dry after being on T for a while, but as of yet I don't have that issue. Can't speak for the sex stuff though since I don't do that.

Okay! End bottom talk!

On to legs!

They match my arms! Very, very hairy (I didn't actually have much hair on my legs pre-t) and very, very blond (it's like my appendages don't know I'm a redhead)! Had bumps on them too while more hair was growing in, and that's also healed.

I've gone up half a shoe size since starting T. Have not gotten any taller. Did not expect to lmao.

I have started dieting and lost 20 pounds in the past four or five months. I'm so good at keeping track loooool

I'm starting weight training, so hopefully that'll help with my shape and with losing weight.

If there is something I missed or something you want to know about my experience with taking testosterone, shoot me an ask and I'll answer when I can. I don't update this blog much but I am on every day c:

Okay, I think that's it! I'm going to bed! Goodnight!

#ftm #transgender #hrt #testosterone #ftm hrt #long post