#i'm just kinda happy i'm not too depressed anymore and i haven't felt like this since my asshole ex and i broke up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

butterflies-and-yuta · 2 years

Text

Everything I wanted

Quick disclaimer:

Hello everyone, this is my interpretation of @ryozaki21 story: "maid of honour - s.jn", and I kinda wanted to do a follow up after what happened but with a bit more angst to it and change the ending from before, except the one where they realised Mina was the mastermind behind everything, *spoiler alert*. but I hope you guys enjoy this one and hopefully I don't break you guys at the end of this, shoutout to @ryozaki21 for creating "maid of honour - s.jn".

Summary: After everything that had happened, you thought moving away from the past could help you move on with your life, but who says wanting to not kill yourself would be this easy, especially when you have someone who has always been there for you even behind their partner's back.

Trigger Warning: Full on angst, little bit of fluff then and there, Mature Themes, Suicide Attempt, Depression, Mental Health in a negative way, Mentions of Infidelity, Phsycial Assault, Violence, Johnny being very protective of you, Btw O/C is basically your character insert, so you can create your version of a father or a family member as well.

Don't forget to read Part 1 for context of this.

Part 1

"i'm sorry." all that you could say.

"right now, are you finally choosing yourself?" johnny had something in mind when he came here. and he has no plans on making it longer.

"i-- try to. i need to." you sobbed between your words.

"am i still your happiness?" johnny had a spark of hope you would say yes. this was his plan. now aware of what happened, he was sure he wanted to get to you.

all along he thought you were happy with someone else. heck, he even thought it was with ten. he didn't know you were hurting. if he did, he wouldn't even hesitate to leave everything behind. just to get to you.

"yes." you admitted.

"then--" before johnny could finish, you interrupted him.

"maybe we shouldn't just jump into this, john. give us time. we've been through so much. you need a break from all of this, and i need to focus on giving myself importance. and maybe-- maybe when we're good, when we're both doing great, we'll find each other again–"

"i've had enough of space away from you, y/n. a year, without you is already too much for me. if you want to focus on yourself, then i'd be there. i'll focus on you too. j-just.. just let me be by your side." johnny held your hands. you sobbed as you looked at him.

"mina's still-"

"i thought you wanted to think about yourself? don't think much about her. she's done enough damage to you." johnny explained. it almost angered him what mina had done, but then again, he doesn't want this situation to be bigger than it already is.

"As much as I'd love to, I just can't." As you said that to Johnny, you can tell he was getting frustrated.

"Come on, she's done enough, stop thinking about her–"

"It's not just about her, it's about everything, ever since what happened then and now, I can't help but wonder what my life could've been like if you hadn't come around" after you finished what you said, you immediately saw sadness and confusion in Johnny's face.

"What do you mean if I haven't came in your life"

You hesitated but decided to give up and tell him what you mean, "If you have never came into my life, I could've been happy, I could've been normal without having to worry about a man who's out there cheating on me and instead all I get is my best friend ruining the one thing I had that made me happy all because she was jealous, I don't wanna deal with that anymore, I wanna be by myself."

After you told him how you felt, you saw tears coming down his face and then you started to have tears down your face as well, this isn't how it's supposed to be.

"Y/n, I love you, I really do, I'm sick and tired of always having to see the woman I fall in love with hurt and lonely, do you really wanna experience that again after everything we've been through."

"I guess I have to then."

As you said that to him, you finished up with your shift and decided to leave one and for all, you exited the door first and let Johnny out.

"Johnny"

As you said his name, he turned his head to look at you near the door.

"I still love you Johnny, but I don't like you like before." After you said your last sentence to him, you walked away from the cafe you worked at, leaving Johnny alone by himself like before, but this time, probably forever.

Ever since you broke up with Johnny for the second time, you've tried to move on and forget about him. It hasn't taken you long to realize that he might try something to win you back, but you couldn't put him through that pain so you decided to move away from here and head back to your childhood home, hopefully your parents still live there.

After you packed up your stuff you needed to bring with you, you decided to sell most of it considering most of them won't matter to you in any way, so you sold your clothes that ended up with you having a couple of bucks and with that, you decided to quit your job considering you won't be living here anymore.

After all that, you called a close friend of yours that does moving for a daily basis and decided to help you move back to your childhood home.

You told her everything that happened that morning in the cafe and when it came to the last part, she seemed surprised to hear about what happened and was trying to cheer you up.

"Hey, don't worry about that. I believe things will turn out right for you, I promise. Now let's go."

You smiled to her as you gave her a tight hug and then followed her inside of her car.

After you two got everything into the car,

the two of you were heading out onto the highway as you finally said goodbye to the old and horrible past you onced lived in.

After a long drive, you two finally arrived at your childhood home when as soon as you arrived at the door to knock on it, it immediately opened showing your mother and her having a shocked reaction after seeing you.

After your mother saw you for the first time in a couple of years, she broke down in tears as she hugged you and tightly hold you in her arms and embraced you so warmly, "I can't believe your here, do you know how much we've missed you Y/N."

As she hugged you so tightly, you could see a peek of your father as well, you haven't seen him in a while since everything bad went down, but now that he saw you know, he couldn't help but go to you as well, As he was now hugging you and crying into you as well, you finally felt so happy in your life for once ever since college, but you wanna forget that past and embrace what you have now in the present.

"What are you doing here, we thought you were busy with with everything."

"I just thought it'd be nice to see you guys again, and I was right.", as you walked inside with your stuff, you were looking around your old home, a little bit has changed but as far as things go, it still looked the same no matter what.

While you were looking around, that's when your mother approached you and asked, "Did something happen?."

"what do you mean Mum"

"well, it's just, you haven't visited us for a while and now your here, it seemed as if something bad has happened." You didn't respond, looking at her instead. "Well...", after you put your stuff down and sat down on the couch with your mother, you decided to tell her everything that has happened to you.

Once you finished telling the whole story, you heard a sniffling from your mother's direction, you stood up and walked towards her, asking her what's wrong only to find that she was crying and wiping her tears.

"Mum...?"

"you must've feel like a fool...why didn't you tell us all this, we could've been there for you, the fact you were in silent for that ungrateful girl who doesn't deserve anything, why did you do that to yourself, you deserve everything."

she cried more as she continued talking.

"Mum, please calm down..." you grabbed her hand which had been holding a tissue and placed it on your chest, as she tried to take some breaths. After few moments she calmed herself down a bit as you wiped her tears away.

"I knew there was something wrong with her since the beginning...and the fact I fell for it is even worse, oh honey." As she held you tightly into her arms, you couldn't help but let some tears down your face as you finally felt recognised for how horrible you've been treated, even though you did sleep with an engaged man and that most of your friends knew how horrible she was towards you, your mother wouldn't judged you after you told her everything that has happened.

But little did you know, your father was listening to the entire conversation and couldn't help but cry as well after hearing the amount of shit his own daughter has been put through, he wanted to go to where Johnny was and punch him in the face for putting his daughter through hell, but he couldn't do that after seeing the state you were in and knowing exactly why you're back.

After calming his nerves he went to grab his phone and dialed Johnny's number.

'hello?' Johnny answered after taking the call. 'hi, uhm....", he couldn't speak, he was on the phone with the man that is the reason why his daughter is miserable, even though he's mad at Mina as well for treating his daughter like a piece of shit, he still thought that Johnny should've been a bigger man than this, but he couldn't help himself but to hand up the phone and just delete his number.

A little while later you were sitting there in silence with your mum comforting you. You knew that what you were feeling wasn't good, you felt awful because you didn't want to burden her anymore but at the same time, you felt happy knowing that she's still here supporting you, even if you're upset and broken, she still loves you as much as before no matter what.

After a few minutes passed you heard some movement inside of the house to see your father now sitting with you and your mother.

"I'll let you two have your moments together now." as your mother left the living room to help your friend with your stuff, you and your father finally had a moment with each other.

"Dad, I know you're probably upset with me but I promise I'll--", he cut you off by bringing you tightly into his embrace, "I don't care for any of that stuff, I don't even care that you slept with Johnny behind Mina's back, you really deserve better than what that miserable brat had put you through, what about your other friends, do they know about all of this."

You told him that they know the entire timeline of what happened, he was proud of your friends for trying to help you but also felt disappointed when they couldn't do anything about the whole Johnny Mina case but you told him not to worry about it anymore.

Even though he hated Johnny for what happened with everything, he couldn't fully want him to go to hell because of everything that Mina did to you and Johnny's relationship together and to him himself, he can tell that Johnny fully loved you and respected you truly, even though he hated the fact that he slept with you behind his "Finance's" back, but until then he couldn't hate him for truly making you happy before everything went downhill.

This was exactly what you needed, your parents understanding you and actually believing you over Mina, this is exactly why you are the way you are, your parents taught to be the best person you can be and yet people ended up using against your own self, but at least they're letting you back into their lifes even though you're technically their daughter.

After you're conversation with your father, your mother told you that they set your stuff up back in your old room, and as soon as you heard that, you immediately got up to see if your old room was still the same like before, and to expectations, it still remained the same with a little bit of maturity in it, with your old posters down and a little bit of a furniture move around here and there, but it still felt the same the day you moved out of here, but now you felt truly happy and felt way better than when you were living in the city and around people that really didn't care for you except Johnny's friends.

As soon as you layed in your bed, you couldn't help but to inhale the smell of your mother's laundry detergent and feel how soft and comfortable your bed still is after all this time.

You quickly fell asleep thinking about everything that has happened in the last couple months, as you started to drift off to sleep, that was when you suddenly felt someone tapping your shoulder softly and shaking it slightly.

"Oh dear God!" Your eyes suddenly shot open as you realized who was waking you up was none other than your father, "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you, dinner's ready, it's good old spaghetti Bolognese, you always love that".

Your father was never wrong when it comes to that, you couldn't even remember when the last time you had it, as you got up out of your bed, you went to the kitchen and sat down in your spot with the three of you all together at once.

"It's nice to see this, you know Y/N, when you were gone, this was only me and your father eating together, we didn't really felt like us, and now we know why", you asked your mother why and then she ended up telling you that you're the reason why, and then they ending up telling you that they didn't feel the same after you left, even though they're a couple that have been married for a while, they still felt like something was missing and that they figured out it was your presence, and now that your back here, everything just felt better than ever, and you can actually agree with that, even though you were surrounded by good people, they were just something missing about it, and it even more than your previous relationship with Johnny.

But that doesn't matter now, you're finally away from all that, you've finally got rid of Mina out of your life, but of course your mind had to think other things to take you away from your happiness, everything started to come back, you sleeping with Johnny, Mina yelling at you calling you slut and whore, then remembering that you still need to pay her back all the money you used for your courses, how am I supposed to do all of that without a job.

"Hey Mum", as soon as you said that, your mother looked at you with curiosity written on her face, that went away after she asked what is it and then you replied with are there any open jobs around her, and lucky enough there's enough around here for you, even part time and casual jobs here, some that pays around 20$ an hour, which is exactly what you need, if you have 3 or 4 jobs and make money like that, you're able to pay Mina back your debt.

However when your parents found out why you're looking for a job, they didnt want you to pay her back after what she had did to you, but you didn't want Mina doing something horrible to your parents or people close to them so you told them why, but even till then, your parents said that you shouldn't have to do this and that you're not a burden to anyone no matter what, but you still couldn't get everything you done to her out of your head and because of that, you left the dinner table and went back into your room and locked the door so they wouldn't come in.

"O/C, please, let's leave her be, I think she's dealing with enough as it is, let's just leave her be to cool down until she feels better to talk to us."

"I understand that she's going through a lot of stuff but the fact that she's the one that has to do all this by herself is completely ridiculous, like first she found out that she has to pay someone she hates back, but also finding out that she is the reason why you're in this mess is even worse, I'm not gonna let my daughter go through that mess again because this selfish brat ruined her, sometimes I wish I could teach her a lesson to not mess with my daughter and show her the dark side of being poor, hopefully she learns her lesson from all of this."

"I know, but there's nothing we can do but at least let her do this either by herself or let us help her out by working some time"

"O/C, this is ten thousand dollars were talking about here okay, how on earth are we gonna get the money for that, even if we do get that much, it would at least takes us 10 years to get that much."

As you hear your parents argue about your debts with Mina, you started to feel woozy and felt numb, your parents are right, you can't pay Mina the amount of money you used for your school, even if then, it would take years for that to happen, and you don't have years, and all you remember is her screaming at you and suddenly you started getting headaches, stabbing your head as of someone's been punching you, you wanted to cry so badly but you heard nothing but her screams and Johnny talking to you, you can't get his voice out of your head, did you miss him, you can't, you can't miss him.

You couldn't take it anymore and decided to get a glass jar that had nothing in it and decided to smash it against your wardrobe door, letting the sound smooth the voices in your head out with letting the amount of glass shards fly across the room.

You fell to the floor and crawled towards the mess to see what you've caused, is this it, is this what your life has come to, a bunch of broken glass shards around the floor, is this your life in front of your eyes, as you picked up the glass shard that was large and sharp, you decided to leave this world once for all, you can't put your parents through that pain, and you can't go through that again after everything that has happened.

As you were holding it, you squeezed the sharp object against your hands, you didn't care, you just wanted your life to stop suffering for once and for all, but as you were shoving the tip into your neck, it started bleeding, this is it, you were finally gonna leave this world for once and for, but that stopped the moment your parents busted the door open to see you ending your life.

"NO!!", as your father yelled at you, he ran towards you to take away the shard and cradled you into his arms, while your mother slid onto the ground against your doorway after witnessing her own daughter commiting suicide, but then she crawl towards you to also comfort you as well after picking up all the glass that was on the floor.

All three of you started crying and breaking down as your parents were holding in both of their arms, as you still felt some bleeding coming out of your throat, you started to lose some vision and then passed out in their arms, and with that, that sends them into a crazy frenzy that resulted in the two of them taking you to the hospital after all that.

After you were taken to the hospital, your parents didn't leave your bedside throughout the whole time you were unconscious as they held onto your hand to assure themselves that you were safe and still alive. But as days passed and no news came yet, they became quite anxious and tired and even thought you had passed away due to the heart monitor dropping down, almost giving the doctors a heart attack.

But today was different. You'd woke up from being unconscious for 48 hours according to the doctor and immediately gotten tons of love from your family that were here to see you after what had happened to you. But while they were speaking, you saw a familiar figure at the door, and found out who it was, and it was none other than Johnny Suh himself, what is he doing here.

However you were not the only one being silent, as he entered into the room, most of them went quiet until your father said this, "How about we leave Y/N be, let her catch up with Johnny", and as soon as he finished saying that, the family members left the room except your mother who was waiting outside the room.

"Johnny what are you doing.", you asked with a voice that sounded so damaged that it even hurt Johnny himself just hearing your voice.

"Y/N, why did you do that, did you really felt this way about everything, why didn't you tell me."

You just remained silenced until he reminded you with what he had said.

"Was it Mina that made you do this."

You couldn't help but to break down due to how horribly your mental health has gotten due to her and what had happened, and as soon as Johnny saw what he had seen, he finally decided enough is enough.

"I'll tell her everything", you knew what he meant from that, and decided to leave but you stopped him, "Please Johnny, don't do this, I don't want her and her family ruining my life and the people around me because of me.", "This is exactly your problem, you need to stop letting Mina walk over as if your nothing.", "Oh right, coming from the same person that let her use you as your fucking picture perfect marriage as if she didn't ruin a FUCKING RELATIONSHIP TO GET WHAT SHE WANTED."

You were gonna continue saying what you wanted to say until you started coughing from how you were straining your voice from yelling your voice at him, and from then you started crying again while saying this, "I wish I was dead, I wish I wasn't alive, I wish the people around me didn't have to suffer because of this."

Johnny started to cry and so did some of your family members as well because of this. He can't take this anymore, he needs Mina to see what she had done to you, so he decided to do something that either risks himself, or actually saves you from this emotional damage that Mina had put you through.

Before he left, he decided to have a talk with your father about something, "Make sure you get photos of her and enough evidence that shows who Mina truly is".

Your Father gave him a simple nod, even though he didn't want to do this, he wasn't gonna let them get away with this shit.

Flashback

After you had left, he couldn't help it, it wasn't right, you don't deserve to hide away in your shame while Mina gets to be high up in that castle of hers that is waiting to be knocked down, so after 2 months of giving you space, he decided to give you a visit to your apartment, which he later found out that you had moved out and that you haven't been here since 2 months ago, and because of that, he couldn't help but feel upset now that you're no longer here, but then it hit him, if he were in this position, where would he go if he's dealing with enough trouble and wanted a break from everything, obviously the home he grew up in, and luckily your childhood home was only a 3 hour drive away from here so luckily he didn't need to travel through plane. So after he arrived at your house, he couldn't find anyone here until the door was unlocked to see your cousin at the door. "Excuse me, have you seen Y/N and is she here." After he got told that this is the right address, he later found out that you were in the hospital due to an injury she did to herself, he couldn't help but feel horrible now after everything that has happened to you. And that's how he ended up finding you at the hospital, and how he decided to finally get revenge for you.

After Johnny arrived back in the city, he decided to drive to Mina's house to talk to her. After waiting for a bit, she unlocked the door to see it was none other than the man she took from you.

She was about to close the door, until Johnny out his foot in the way, and of course his strength couldn't stop Mina from closing the door either.

"Mina, we need to talk, Now."

"Why should I talk to the man that cheated on me with my best friend who happens to be none other than a whore."

Johnny slammed his hand into the table next to him that made Mina a bit scared of him.

"what the hell is your problem, who told you to act like the man of the house here"

"The same man who you lied to this whole time."

She already knew what he was talking about, but decided to play dumb instead.

"What do you mean, if anyone's the liar here is you for sleeping behind my back--." She was gonna say something else as well until Johnny called her out on her act, the act of innocence that ruined your health and your relationship with Johnny.

"ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING LIES MINA, I know you told Y/N that we kissed and that I liked it, I know that you spread that rumour that she liked someone else even though he was gay, you made us break up with each other because of your lies, you even made me propose to you when I didn't even fucking love you and all you did was fucking beg me to do it. and the fact you still pretended not to know anything, and at the cost of what, the cost of ME AND THE LOVE OF MY LIFE RUINING OUR LIFE'S BECAUSE OF YOU."

Johnny voice was really loud and aggressive, she didn't even care, not until he got too close to Mina to the point where he was literally surrounding Mina with his body that she can't even get out.

"YEAH, AND SO WHAT, IT WORKED, YOU TWO BROKE UP, AND BESIDE IT WAS FUCKING WORTH, UP UNTIL YOU TWO SLEPT WITH EACH OTHER, I'D NEVER CARE ABOUT THAT SLUT BAG ANYWAY, She deserved to suffer while I get everything I want as always, and if it wasn't for her I would've had you as my husband and even have kids with you while I watch that failed reject suffer in silence."

He couldn't take it, he was never the one to threaten a woman, his mother taught him to never harm a woman no matter what, but he couldn't hold it in and punch a hole in the wall that was next to her face. She was basically regretting ever messing with you and his relationship, as she was basically crying and breaking down while begging for Johnny to not hurt her.

"OKAY, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID, ILL ADMIT IT, I WAS A HORRIBLE FRIEND TO HER, I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I DID TO YOU TWO, I'M SORRY FOR SPREADING THE RUMOUR OF HER, IM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU TWO BREAK UP WITH EACH OTHER, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I WILL NEVER HARM HER EVER AGAIN OKAY, ILL EVEN GET SOMEONE TO PAY HER DEBTS, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, ILL EVEN PAY EVERYTHING I OWN YOU, JUST PLEASE DONT HURT ME."

Johnny moved away from her, it was obvious he broke her, it was obvious she was weak with power that she knows she can't control, but what she didn't expect was that recorded the whole thing just to see how much of a horrible person Mina was to not only you, but also to him as well.

"Hope this makes the media see you and your family who you truly are."

He was about to leave until Mina stopped him by grabbing him by his leg. "PLEASE DON'T POST THIS, PLEASE, I LOVE MY FATHER AND I DON'T WANT HIM TO SEE HOW MUCH OF A DISAPPOINTMENT THAT I AM, AND I DONT WANT MY FATHER'S COMPANY GOING DOWN BECAUSE OF THIS, PLEASE, I BEG YOU DONT DO THIS TO ME, ESPECIALLY MY MOTHER, I CANT HAVE HER RISK HER JOB BECAUSE OF THIS, I NEED THIS, THIS IS ALL I HAVE, PLEASE DONT DO THIS TO ME."

Johnny was pleased with how Mina is now, she's basically showing who she is, a girl who's afraid of the outside world without having her parent's money with her, this was better than the day he left Mina and went to Y/N instead, but he wanted more, he wanted her to pay for what she had did to you and him. "Unless you get rid of Y/N's debt and tell everyone including my friends and Y/N why you did what you did, I will let the media destroy you and your families business, do you understand me."

After he told her that, she nod her head and decided to get her phone out to text someone. It wasn't until he heard a ding on her phone that she told him that all of Y/N's debts are now dealt with, but that's only one part of what he wanted, he wanted her to admit that she was a horrible person that made someone that truly cared about her suffer due to her inhumane of a personality, and what she did would truly change her for the worse of her life.

"Guys, have you seen the news, turn on the tv, turn it on", as your father was in a panic state, everyone changing the channel until it was on the news channel that was broadcasting it.

"Breaking news, good evening everyone, and welcome back to KBS news 9, I am KBS news 9 anchorwoman Lee Soo Young, and I am KBS news 9 Anchorman Nam Tae Hoon, and if you thought today would have been enough shocking for you, well have we got the news for you for today, daughter of Kwon Industries CEO Kwon In Hyuk and one of the executives of National Seoul University Kim Mi Yeon, had just gotten into one of the biggest controversies that the family had ever had, it was revealed that a victim that used to a close friend of Kwon Mina had posted on her social media account revealed that she had been suffering from poor mental health due to the amount of Cyberbullying and bullying that the victim had gotten from Kwon Mina and close friends, with acts ranging from making violent and death threats towards her, to making obscene and harrassing phone calls and texts as well, and after the news broke out about the alleged news, it was later confirmed about Kwon Mina posted a video about the situation and how she was a horrible person to the victim, and as if the scandal wasn't enough on its own, it was revealed that she had allegedly made her alleged fiance at the time even break up with his partner at the time to then make a move on him until she mentioned how her partner slept with his ex during the engagement course. During all of this, according to the media, it has been revealed the victim of Kwon Mina was allegedly in the hospital due to the amount of hate she was getting from her that apparently it had even made her attempt to kill herself allegedly, unfortunately the family of the victim refused to speak about it due to their privacy. However, after the news of the controversy came out and was later confirmed by the daughter herself, Kwon In Hyuk had decided to step down as the CEO as this had also revealed other scandals from the company, such as the employees getting unfair payment and mistreatments, which resulted in Min Jae Hyung, the Vice CEO of the company now becoming the new CEO of the Company, but Kim Mi Yeon had also been fired for allegedly letting her daughter and her friends get into National Seoul University without having to pay their debut while also working with people that had allegedly bribed their kids to get into Seoul National University. With all of the controversies surrounding the Kwon family, it seemed as if their downfall is already starting, with not only the father being negligent towards his company's employees, but also the mother being involved with bribing scandals, but now the child of the family now being involved with both bullying and Cyberbullying scandals as well. As of now, alleged reports from some news reports have stated that they are now in court and that the judge is now dealing as to whether or not the amount of evidence against the three of them are enought to legally sentence them based on the law, but until then, I am Lee Soo Young, and I am Nam Tae Hoon, and this KBS news 9, in other news."

As I finished watching all of it, it felt as if karma finally hit Mina and her family for what she did to me, I did hear about her father being bad towards his employees, but I didn't think it was this bad, even her mother got fired now due to all of this, and now she's basically hated on the internet now, I felt so blessed from that moment that I actually smiled so blissfully that even my family members noticed it.

"Y/N, you know what that means.", You shook your head at what your father asked you, and with that, he moved towards you to give you biggest hug as your now free from their hands and are now a free woman. And as if that wasn't enough, your mother even gave you the biggest hug as well while the rest of your family members celebrated your victory as well.

After a while, you noticed that Johnny was at the door and with that, your family noticed it and looked towards your directions to see Johnny there as well. Some of them decided to head out for a bit but not before your father took him out of the room to talk to him.

"Even though I am someone who does condone violence against woman, what you did seem to put her in her place, thank you for that son."

"Your welcome O/C, if this will make her happier again like before or even better, than I am willing to do anything for her."

"Your a good man Johnny, I still don't condone infidelity though." After he said that to Johnny, He understand that and has now accepted that. But that doesn't matter, what does matter is seeing you after hearing about the news.

"Johnny, where have you been, I've been wondering where you went." as you sounded worried about Johnny and where he was, it hitted him in a way that made him feel like how he felt when he was dating you in college, and that really made him feel so happy.

"I've just been wondering what to get you after I heard the news, how do you feel." You could tell he was the one who made Mina come out with the story, but you couldn't judge him for that, he's basically the reason why you're probably no longer in debt now.

"Actually, I have something for you as well." As you finished what you had said there, you pulled out something out of your bag that had stuff in it that you needed while you were here in the hospital.

As soon as he saw it, he opened it to see it was none other than the locket necklace he got for you for the first time when you two started dating each other, he couldn't believe it, he'd thought you had selled it after you two broken up with each other, but you told him that you kept it for a while and didn't have the nerve to get rid of it.

He couldn't help but cry after finding out that you still kept it for a while. "I really thought you had gotten rid of it, why did you still keep it." "I couldn't have the strength to get rid of it, and when I was packing up my stuff up, I found it and decided to keep it."

"I don't why though, I thought you made up your mind about me."

After I hear him say that, i couldn't help but get frustrated but then it got replaced with calmness. "I said I don't like you like before..... but I would like the new you." After you said that, that made him so happy that he made that smile that brought memories from the times when you two were young in love while in college.

"really, even after everything." He asked to make sure you're able to answer him without feeling pressured.

"Of course I do Johnny, like I said, I still love you Johnny Suh, and I am starting to like the new you than before, and if it wasn't for this to happen, I wouldn't know what to do."

"I know, but I know what's gonna happen next." As soon as he said that, he proceeded to lean torwards you to kiss your lips, Unlike before when it felt wrong to do due to him being engaged, this felt better now, it felt like the past, warm and embracing, it felt like the old Johnny you met has now come back, and he was thinking the exact same as well, this felt like the first kiss he had with you, warm and embracing.

And with that, you finally had him back, and he finally had you back as well, and this time you two didn't feel restricted, you two finally felt free and now you two can make your own choices as well, even though he knows that your mental health would never be the same after everything that has happened to you, he is willing to make you feel exactly how you felt when you were young walking through the seasons all the way to the moment when you had your first kiss with Johnny.

7 Months Later

After everything that has happened, you'd never been happier than, now that Mina and her family are in jail now after receiving their sentences, I heard that they lost a lot of money now because of it, even some of their friends left them now based on what's happening to them now. Meanwhile you were happier than ever now that you're free from that hell Mina had put you through, You and Johnny are better now, you had not only married the man that you're now happy with, but you have also announced to your family and his family that your pregnant with his baby, his family could've been more happier than they were with Mina and her family, when they met Mina, Johnny's mother hated her for basically going after her friends ex at the time and knew why you did what you did and never hated you because of it, she even gave her support to you when you were still in the hospital getting better after everything, ten eased up with the teasing and was now teasing Johnny for becoming a father soon.

Your family members were happy that you were now better than ever and now was about to become a mother. But the only person who was beyond excited was the man you married, Johnny was so excited that you were gonna have his baby and now we're finally with him after all the troubles that life out you two through. Now that you two were free and were no longer surrounded by the wrong crowd, you two could've been better than ever.

As you see everyone enjoying themselves, you look at Johnny one more time before leaning in to give him a kiss on the lips as you feel open now about your struggles, you have a better job now, you have better friends now that actually care about you, and now you have the man you've truly love ever since you've met, and now can smile from true happiness instead of fake happiness that was built up from depression and Mina herself.

I guess I got everything I wanted then.

#nct 127 #nct scenarios #nct fanfic #nct johnny #nct 127 scenarios #nct #nct fluff #nct angst #angst

49 notes · View notes

livingasaghost · 7 months

Text

september was not great folks, but we're trying <3

in the saddest realization of the season i discovered that my favorite part of the day is my 40m drive to work because it's chilly and i can see a lot of trees and the morning light and i also am in the perfect headspace to listen to Good Music and it's like when i used to make my morning playlists for opening the coffeeshop except soooo much more enjoyable

been listening to lots of holly humberstone and NF's new album and justin vernon stuff (bon iver, BRM, etc) and unfortunately gracie abrams - there's just something about all these artists being like "I AM THE PROBLEM ITS ME IM SORRY" that just speaks to me! that's not concerning at all!

laura and i talked for like two hours last night and it was like old times and god i really do miss when we'd just ride the same bus home and i could walk to her house ):

i've been trying to make taylor's chai cookies for like a week and i realized i absolutely have time to make them today so i'm trying to buck up the energy to do that in the next two hours before i have to be a person and go to a photoshoot

"good day" by olivia barton

i'm trying to get back into crying in h mart because mom finished reading it and we're supposedly buddy reading it so we can discuss it but i haven't felt like reading all month because i've been depressed...but like damn cancer sucks guys

in other news, i think because i've had such a shitty brain month this september i've almost pushed myself so far that halloween season sounds really fun!!! i'm trying to work through my halloween hate bc i think it's kind of silly and all my friends love halloween so i should love it too! and like i wanna watch spooky movies and be chilly and have FUN! god!

i kinda forgot a vital piece of jennalore which is that when i was a kid my mom's college roommate used to send us frosted sugar cookies shaped like bats every halloween and it was actually kinda the best thing ever? so i'm trying to channel that energy this season

work is batshit insane and i'm so exhausted by it i literally slept for 11hrs on like wednesday night bc i was so tired but also......when we're busy i always feel like i'm actually Doing Something and my bosses are so happy with the work i do so like.....it's good even though it's bad!

therapy has actually been really really good? like it Sucks bc it's therapy and i hate talking about my feelings but my therapist is the sweetest NB person ever and they're always just like "uhhh that's emotional abuse my dude!" and i'm so fucking excited bc at the end of october they're gonna have saturday openings which means i can finally go talk to them in person and not on my lunch break in our tiny break room!!!! at this point i have to pretend like my coworker can't hear everything i say during therapy otherwise i'd go insane so i always leave my sessions being like ......did max hear that i'm aroace and i have depression and i might be neurodivergent??? idk!!!

which speaking of, even though max and i definitely aren't like friends by any sense of the word....we are also just like having a time together! it's wild i see him most out of all the people i know but i think we're both going a little insane from the workload and being Depressed so we just spend all day being kinda wacky and for whatever reason i've reached a point where i stopped having a filter with him so i just start talking about the most random shit and he's cool with it lol

i think i might maybe be a little lonely! idk! i've been struggling to figure out what i need or who to talk to and i generally just want to talk to like two or three of my friends or my gc and everyone's just busy ): but then when i have the chance to talk to anyone and i Sit Down to try to interact bc i know some people are probably around i just get a little overwhelmed idk make it make sense!!!

and i realized i don't have a lot of IRL friends anymore bc a lot of the ones i had from the coffeeshop are Not My Friend and the ones i met on instagram are also Not My Friend and the ones i used to live with are Not My Friend and so my list of people to hang with is teeny tiny and idek what i need or want anymore so it's just my brain screaming .

the most frustrating thing rn is that i know i'm in a bad mental place however i cannot distinguish what i need! but when someone asks me what i need i get this intense panic/dread and i spiral real bad and if anyone tries to be kind to me it makes me feel worse and so it's like....i'm stuck in this stand still where i can't get what i need but i don't know what i need so i just eat cereal, listen to music, and go to bed early!!!

i don't wanna watch anything, i still haven't finished this season of only murders, i need a DVD player bc i want to watch the director's commentary of hill house, there's a bunch of shows and movies coming out soon that i feel overwhelmed by at the moment and it's just like !!! this is all so unfair

and i need to make all these appointments like getting my oil changed and going to the doctor for my annual but i cannot bring myself to do those things but also like should i ask my doctor about medication for depression??? surely it isn't that serious but like maybe it is idk!!!!

the depression isn't as bad as it's been in the past (i think?) like i felt a lot more hopeless in 2017 and i think a lot of that is because i do have a support system and a therapist and a good paying job and things to look forward to but like i'm very aware that many days i do just feel that feeling of "everything is meaningless and nothing will bring me joy ever again" so it's like !!! idk!!!! maybe i'm gaslighting myself into thinking i'm not that bad when in actuality i am!!!

i've just been stuck in that space of middle limbo with all my "diagnoses" that i cannot rationally understand if i'm allowing myself to see myself the way i am? like i always felt like i wasn't depressed enough to be Depressed bc i'm not suicidal but like ??? that's silly !!! maybe i am Depressed!!!!! but i don't even know how to go about getting meds and what they would do and it's almost more overwhelming to think about that than to just be depressed ): bc i still am convinced a lot of it comes down to the heat and the lingering effects of summer

but now i'm thinking about 2021 when it was the bad times and i stopped working on creative stuff or literally any year from 2017-2020 when i just spent the early fall Not Creating and having a crisis that i'd never create again and it's like.............is that bc i'm always depressed around this time? it's comforting bc i know life is seasons and i will come back around to making things and doing my silly projects but it's just sort of making me wonder how it would be different if i tried to find a way to get meds ....like would that Fix Me....would that Solve the Problem....what if it doesn't! what if i'm not depressed enough for that!

(this is all just thoughts, i'm fine, etc, just haven't let myself fully think about the depression this month bc i don't think there's a solution rn i'm just trying to get through it)

anyway, "good day" by olivia barton

#personal #it really is not that bad!!!#and yet...the horrors

2 notes · View notes

missmonsters2 · 11 months

Note

Hello. :)

Just wanted to leave a message after reading for maybe the 6th times About You. This story is so, so, so amazing.

I will not be able to describe it completely, which explains why I am only talking about it after yet another reading, but your story has marked me enormously when I have never experienced grief, but I have already gone through a stage of depression and it was very easy for me to put myself in Wanda's shoes, to feel her emotions, her despair and wanting to stop everything.

Her relationship with the reader/OC (because it felt very much for me that it was your character, something very original and treated to be read that way) is probably one of my favorite I could ever read. The way they heal each other, make each other better and how Wanda wanted to live because of her makes me very emotional. If I'm being honest, your story kinda gave me the same heartbroken post-fiction experience I have completed, I feel like it's going to stick with me forever with the way I constantly think about it and keep coming back. 🥲

I find that there is something poetic in your writing, your words, your way of describing the characters, what they feel, what they have experienced or are experiencing.

Also I find it extremely good to have mentioned from the beginning that the story does not try to glamorize these emotions or this situation, because unfortunately Ao3 is a site with several stories that are horrific in the bad sense of the word and which can incite bad things.

+ I haven't watched Wednesday but I know the character well enough to understand how hard she is to write, just out of curiosity and because, like I said, I appreciate your writing, I wanted to read about her from your style and I was pleasantly surprised that the character was treated so well, I cannot wait to get more of her by you and I've seen that Wednesday's Dictionary of Emotions may get a second part, which makes me super excited.

Have a nice day/night. ☺️

😭💘😭💘this is one of the nicest things someone has ever said to meeee😭💘😭💘

I don't have too many people talking about the fic 'About You' anymore esp since it's been a longgg time since I finished it, so I'm glad there's someone out there that still loves the fic as much as I do.

I particularly was really happy that you felt my reader was like an OC because that's how I tend to typically writer the reader character to give them plenty of personality even if not everyone can fully relate to them.

Ahh i can't believe you experienced post-fiction completion sadness for this fic!! That's literally such a compliment <3

I feel like Wanda's character and lizzie olsen just plays grief so well that I really wanted to do a deep dive into it.

As for Wednesday, thank you so much for thinking I'm treating her character well in my writing! She is probably one of the more difficult characters for me to write, so I'm glad it's paying off ^^ Yes! I'm still working on the sequel but I have yet to decide whether I'll wait for the show season 2 to start and base the fic off of the new information I'll learn or if I'll completely deviate while we're waiting for season 2.

I hope you are having the most wonderful day/night & staying hyrdated 💘

#mm: answered #anon #my day is made <3

5 notes · View notes

ellelune · 8 months

Text

Hi i'm still alive

Hi. It's been...more than 5 years since I abandoned this blog. I just randomly searched up my old blog here one day and I was filled with nostalgia...the happy-sad kind. This was my Pinterest (I'm old now okay). This is where is used to express my creativity, not that I draw or make art but like...i feel so myself when I was here? Obviously this site has went through shit, I feel like every millennial did, and no I'm not talking about the pandemic, but idk, I kinda wanna feel the old me through here. One thing this place helped me with is that I used to write letters to my future self, it's a little something that I do to push myself to live. unfortunately, I haven't been doing that for a long long long time. The last time i was here, it was a den for R-18 blogs and they're popping out everywhere and it felt like a virus. It's scary. I'm a wholesome blog. I was also too busy with school so i just focused on studying. hm, How have i been? Maybe i should write it here so the future me can read and reminisce. I'm currently working as a Physician at a nearby clinic, i also applied for a research position at my Alma Mater, I'm waiting for their call back but it looks positive, i want to believe so. I am not where i wanted to be, that's the truth, but also...i don't even know what i wanted to be. I am currently on Therapy, i have been, for 1 year now, and it's been a great help, along with my medications and shit. I have insurance now, i have some savings, i can buy some stuff that i like. I'm still with my boyfriend, we're on our 9th year now. We're pretty much family to each other at this point but he went and pursued residency, so he should finish that first before he start settling down. My cat, yes, he's still alive. He's 9 years old too! He's fatter than ever. We have a new dog, btw. His name is 'Kiro'. He's a domestic breed, he's less than a year old and he's soooo energetic i can't keep up with him. Whatelse? I am much happier than before. The ellelune here back in 2015 was so gloomy [ turns out she was badly depressed]. I still love the vibe these creepy ethereal photographs give off, i still love art, but recently i have been into baking, or maybe cooking in general. I learned a lot of dishes in a matter of months. I haven't been watching movies lately, i don't think there are anything that interests me anymore and i don't wanna watch for the sake of watching. BUT! I know there are films in my old hard drive that might get me going. I haven't even seen Openheimmer yet. Netflix is just there for my parents. I'm more into anime lately, manga and webtoons. I play a handful of games too, like back in 2019, i was obsessed with Genshin Impact that i burst out my wallet for it. I still love genshin but i don't play it as much as before [ also my PC gave out]. Music...still the same taste, maybe a lot wider since i got into J/K-indie. I still enjoy singing. Dancing? not so much as before, but i did danced again, for a while. There are so many things that changed and so many things that i'm happy it did change. One thing i would like to say is, i am living my second life now, i will expand on that soon because i don't want to sound gloomy and sad here. but, yeah, i will explain that soon, because it needs to be in here. In 2021, i survived, from myself. That's probably all i will say now. anyway, i will go explore this site again and see if i can rack my rusty brains into managing my account to be active again. I don't know what kind of Ellelune i would love to have, but i'm sure it's gonna be full of things that i love. and oh, btw, i got a niece :) She's a 10 month old baby and guess what her name is ? ' Elle '

1 note · View note

killingvoices · 9 months

Text

I'm 25 today so here are a couple things I've learned: (I don't know if I should put a trigger warning on this but I will in the one I'm sure needs one)

-Don't cheat on your partner, going to therapy is emotionally cheaper than betraying your loved one, trust me.

-Lie on your resume but not too much, lie enough to get the job, but not too much you don't know what you're doing.

-Put in a little effort, I know life is tiring, I know you're depressed and anxious and emotionally fucked, I know you have no energy and you just want to die, but you're not there yet and it makes you feel worse because you're kinda faking it (you're not) I know you haven't cleaned the cat's litter in days, I know your meals consist of diet coke and cigarettes. Trust me, I know, I get it. But try to make an effort and brush your teeth, finish that power point your boss won't leave you alone about, go take a walk, don't talk to anyone you don't want to talk to, but put in the effort to make yourself feel better. Sadness is addictive, depression is a sadistic bitch, don't let them win, do everything in your power to fight those fuckers but don't feel bad if the sadness doesn't go away, we're stimulating your desire to be okay, not your happiness, you need different tools for that, and I'm not qualified to suggest anything, but I can tell you that by refusing to be sad (even if you are) you keep something inside you alive, something that desperately wants to die because it's fighting against a chemical imbalance in your brain, but do everything you can to keep that shit alive, on fire, and ready to fight. Brushing your teeth might not seem like a huge step, but if that's all you can manage do it, it'll help to keep yourself afloat.

-If you're not white, accept you're not white, it took me years to accept the fact that I was dying and strengthening my hair to change my ethnicity. Accept who you are, accept you'll never have as much opportunities and work around that, but if you keep pretending there's equality in the world, you'll end up very, very, exhausted, especially if you're like me and you weren't born in the USA or Europe.

-Learn a second language, it can be whichever you want, but do it, it'll show you the world doesn't revolve around you, people have different cultures, beliefs, and ideas, learn another language and don't believe every single stereotype Disney and MTV forced down our throats.

(I wonder if kids nowadays know what MTV was)

Trigger warning (SA)

-IMPORTANT. If you see a disgusting creep following a little girl, or trying to talk to her or whatever the fuck, DO SOMETHING, call the dickhead out, don't you dare look the other way. There's bodycam footage on YouTube of police rescuing a little girl from a rapist, the video is the most disgusting shit I've ever seen and I could phisicaly feel the pain that little girl felt, but the emotional and mental destruction is unimaginable. DO SOMETHING DONT YOU DARE BE INDIFFERENT IF YOU SEE THIS IS MORE COMMON THAN YOU THINK. (I'd like to clarify you don't actually see the abuse happening on camera, you see the aftermath when the police enters the room and the girl is completely blurred, but the room conditions aren't and that's what I'm referring to) YELL, FIGHT, SCREAM DO WHATEVER YOU GOTTA DO TO PROTECT CHILDREN. Trans kids and little girls are particularly at risk but this applies to little boys and women of all ages as well, pay attention to your surroundings, if you see a kid, make sure no one is looking at them, you can spot creeps easily just by doing this.

-Don't believe a word coming out of the mouth of a priest, have your faith, exercise your religion but remember your faith is profitable for a lot of people, don't let them use you.

-Get over your drinking phase as soon as you can, I developed an alcohol problem at age 19, but I started drinking at 11, I don't drink anymore, let go of that shit, learn to have fun without dehydrating your neurons.

-If you're going to do drugs, remember: drugs should be consumed in a safe environment, with people you trust. You don't want to do acid with someone who might make a bad trip worse. Weed is harmless but you might not be if you're tripping. First time I did acid, my brother in law started tripping thinking we were gonna kill him, he was about to grab a knife to "defend" himself, but our friend who gave us the acid walk him through the trip and calmed him down (he did the same with me cause I was absolutely sure my heart was gonna stop at any second). So, to sum up, is not a game, be responsible. I feel like I should also say, stay away from hard drugs. Acid, mushrooms and weed are fine. But none of what I said applies to heroin, ketamine, fentanyl, meth, etc. That shit will ruin your life. You're not in an episode of Skins, be careful.

-Please don't date older people, this is debatable but I'll just say, don't put yourself in a position in which your partner has more power than you. The last thing you want is to become dependant on your partner, trust me, is hours of uncomfortable therapy to get out of that mindset and I wouldn't wish it upon anybody.

-Don't be afraid to leave.

#i wonder how ill feel about this in 5 years #25 feels like a milestone but i know 30 is the real eye opener #freaking put but glad im getting older

1 note · View note

born-to-lose · 3 years

Text

I'm too smitten and anxious to function ugh

#writing? idk her. i prefer indulging in fake scenarios and then worrying about the tiniest things #i know i said i wouldn't go into detail but i'm terrible at hiding this kind of stuff #and most of y'all probably know who i'm talking about #deleting later because what if they read this ugh their sleep schedule is off the charts #i even went back to writing love songs so you know this is bad cause i only do that when i start bottling everything up #but literally i haven't been able to focus since the weekend for reasons you may know about #i'm vagueposting so hard now i'm sorry #i'm just kinda happy i'm not too depressed anymore and i haven't felt like this since my asshole ex and i broke up #i'm giddy and all and get super excited when they show up in my notes #am i in too deep? probably #but also i'm too scared to get straight to the point because i've done this many times and it always failed #i don't think i've had such a huge crush on anyone in like a year #and idk how to handle this #i went on a trip down memory lane today and read old chats and my god i fell hard #i'm definitely misinterpreting a lot of things here but i can't help it #fuck fuck fuck #i'm going to cry bye #ok one more thing i know i shouldn't be too worried about someone not replying because they haven't really been active on tumblr today #but i kinda am?? like shit tumblr let me delete messages i think i said something wrong #aaaaa damn #congratulations you have just witnessed a whole ass mental breakdown #sorry you had to read all of this #my heartbreak playlist is on why do i do this to myself #mel talks

5 notes · View notes

bbyheedeungie · 3 years

Text

You have me now | Cat hybrid!Jungwon AU

Pairings: Jungwon x Reader ft. Bang Yedam

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: depression, slight nudity

Word count: 1.7k

Synopsis: Going through some tough times in your life, you come across someone who is struggling as well. And now you never thought you'd find solace in your cat, Jungwon.

Author's note: this is my longest fic yet! I got very emotional with this one. Btw, thank you for all your support! 😭❤may all of you have someone to depend on in your darkest times.

Dark gray clouds cloaked the skies, with vicious thunders warning everyone that heavy rain threatened to pour mercilessly. It was 5pm, your last class had ended long ago but your teacher had to make you stay to discuss important matters with you; your failing grades in his class. And to make matters worse, your boyfriend had just broken up with you through a text.

As you make your way through the gates of the school, you groaned as the cold rain engulfed you within seconds.

"Guess this day can't get any better huh."

You make a sprint for it, not caring about getting your socks muddy anymore as your arms make a futile attempt to shield yourself from the rain.

Amidst the harsh cry of downpour, you were stopped at your tracks by the sound of weeping meows, not too far away. And there it was, under a tree was a small kitty crying in sorrow as the cardboard box which was probably supposed to be its home melted away in the rain.

You've never been one to keep pets, but you've always had a soft heart when it came to animals that is why without hesitation, you scooped up the poor kitty in your arms and ran home.

You were dripping wet, shivering as the warmth of your apartment slowly welcomed you and your companion. You settled the kitty on a rug as you took a warm shower and changed into an oversized shirt and sweatpants. When you finished drying yourself, you notice that the kitty barely moved an inch from how you left it, still shivering.

"Hey kitty, you'll be okay now." you cooed and stroked its wet head and ears. It looked at you cautiously yet gratifyingly and you were shocked at how much emotion its eyes held. Almost like a human.

"That's kinda odd. But you have very beautiful eyes though." you smiled.

Never having owned a pet, you were honestly unsure on how to take care of it. And so, together with your wet books, you blow dried the kitty with your hair drier. You giggled as the kitty flinched lightly and its fur stood up, probably new to the sound and sensation of your hair drier. Your laugh fades as your eyes train upon the scars all over the poor kitty's body. You could have easily missed it because of its dark fur but as it dried more, it became more visible. You knew battle scars when you see them. As your fingertips lightly grazed your scarred wrists, your heart can't help but ache for the small cat.

"I won't let anyone or anything hurt you again. I'll take care of you from now on, okay? You can depend on me." you assured and it meowed in response, tilting it's head sideways as it blinked at you a few times.

At dinner time, you rummaged all of your cabinets for anything you can feed to the small cat. The rain hadn't ceased yet, withholding you from going outside to buy proper cat food. For the time being, you decided that a can of tuna will suffice.

You placed the bowl of food in front of the kitty, taking a few seconds before it cautiously moves closer to it to sniff it.

"Well go on, don't be picky." You raised your eyebrows, placing your hands on your hips. The kitty meowed and did that thing again, tilting its head and blinking at you before dipping it's head into the food. It only took a few minutes for it to finish eating and you felt like a proud momma. Poor little thing must have been very hungry.

That night you decided to let the kitty sleep above your blanket, settling into its place at the foot of your bed. Suddenly, the sound of raindrops have never felt so calming as you slept soundly that night for the first time in weeks.

The morning welcomed you with bright sunshine beaming through your windows. You hummed in content as you snuggle closer to the warm body that cradled yours.

Your eyes shot wide open at the sudden realization and shoved the person away from you. You stumble out of your own bed and stare at the gorgeous boy that blinked at you confusedly.

"Come back to bed, I want to sleep some more." He whined sleepily, tilting his head as he blinked at you. Why did it seem familiar to you?

You combed through your hair profusely, trying to stay calm as you rake your thoughts on what had happened last night. Did you got drunk and brought a boy over? Your blanket covered his body up to his neck but you were sure he wasn't wearing anything underneath, remembering how warm his skin felt on yours. You slap yourself internally and took a deep breath.

"Umm hey, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Last night was a mistake." you said awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers. He blinked at you, seemingly hurt.

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" He said sadly and sat up and attempted to reach out to you, your blanket sliding down to his hips. His entire torso was now in full display and you quickly stopped him.

"No, stay! Don't come near." You shrieked as you look away with your hands covering your eyes.

"Do you regret taking me in last night?" He asked bitterly, looking down to his hands.

"What, what do you mean?" You remove your hands from your eyes and glance at him, your eyes quickly falling to his scarred torso.

Just like—

"Oh! Did my human form freak you out? I'm so sorry, I'll change back."

My cat. Under the covers, was the kitty you took in.

To say that your morning was eventful was an understatement. You told him to change back to his human form and had him wear one of your oversized shirts in which he happily sniffed before putting on, and a pair of shorts that your brother had left when he last visited you. And now both of you are seated at the kitchen table, eating kimchi fried rice and eggrolls for breakfast. It has been 5 minutes of awkward silence when he decided to clear his throat.

"I guess I should introduce myself." He said shyly, his eyes glued to his plate.

"Please do." you nod, trying to stay composed.

"I'm Jungwon, and I'm a hybrid."

You take in a shaky breath. A freaking hybrid.

"I grew up in the animal shelter, where I was separated from my parents since birth. I don't know if they're hybrids as well." his fists clenched under the table and he took a deep breath, his eyes closed tightly. You quickly notice his discomfort.

"Hey, it's okay—"

"At the animal shelter, they didn't treat me well. The workers often lashed out me and hurt me when I couldn't obey them. And I didn't know why but I had this instinct of not to show them my human form. Honestly, this has been my longest time as a human." Jungwon said ruefully, ashamed to look at you in the eyes.

"When I was old enough, I escaped and ran away. I swore to myself that I am never going back to that place. And then I ended up under that tree, drenched and starving and you appeared and you—" he choked, his tears trickled down his face and you quickly sat up fron your seat, rushed to his side and engulfed him in a hug.

"Hey, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have me now, okay?" You said as you stroked his hair comfortingly.

Once he'd calmed down, you introduced yourself as well.

"I'm Y/N. I guess I haven't told you my name last night." you chuckled. He shook his head.

"No, but I kinda peeked at your school ID while you showered. Sorry about that." He said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

"No need to be sorry for." you giggled.

Your conversation was abruptly cut off by the sound of your doorbell.

"Huh, who could that be?" you muttered to yourself, leaving Jungwon at the kitchen.

You opened the door, revealing your ex-boyfriend, Yedam.

"Hey, I was worried when you didn't text me back." You scoffed at him.

"Why would you even worry about me? Didn't you dump me?" you couldn't help it but you were angry at him. How he treated you so lowly that he thought you didn't even deserve a proper break up, that just a text message will be enough.

"Hey, you can't blame me. Y/N, your grades were failing, you were diagnosed with depression. You were falling apart—"

"And you decided I'm too much for you to handle. Yedam, leave." Your voice broke, your tears threatening to fall.

"Y/N wait—"

"Y/N asked you to leave." a voice spoke behind you, his hand reaching out to rub your back comfortingly. I'm here Y/N, I'm right here for you.

He didn't like the way the man you were talking to was making you feel. He could sense how upset you are and it pisses him off.

"Who are you? Back off man, this is none of your business." Yedam tried to brush him off.

"Any business of Y/N is my business too. Y/N, is this guy troubling you?" He asked you, his beautiful cat-like eyes look at you with tenderness and then shoots menacing glares at Yedam.

"No, not all." You smiled at Jungwon, and Yedam saw it. How your eyes sparkled as you look at the boy. You were happy. And when your eyes flew back to him, it was empty.

"Yedam, we're over. This conversation is over too. I hope you live a good life and thank you for being part of mine. That is all." You stated, feeling proud of yourself for handling things so well. For being strong.

"Bye then." Yedam said, turning his back to the both of you not before shooting Jungwon a look and muttering "Punk."

Once you close the door, you let your tears stream freely. Jungwon worriedly wipes away those tears.

"That human makes me want to claw his eyes out. I hate him for making you hurt like this." he scowled. You only smiled at him.

"Y/N, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have me now, okay?" he said, repeating your own words.

409 notes · View notes

redxblueihateloveyou · 2 years

Note

I wanted to ask, if this 10 years period is real bad? Because I'm not sure whether to read this part or not.

By "real bad" you mean like in angsty? Or bad bad?

Bc to me there's no like any period in DMBJ series that I didn't love reading, like I ofc have those books that I love most, but surprisingly there were none I didn't like. I enjoyed all of them for different reasons. Some for masochistic ones, yes lol

Well, its just if you're already commited and won't read that part, you'll miss out way too important shit. Bc this part of the series (I don't mean just the sand sea, but all the books in between) is a major turning point for everything. Qiling's past, Wu Xie's character and etc. Their relationships, too.

I'm not gonna lie it was hard for me to read (esp SS bc newbies that won't appear anymore that I couldn't get attached to, didn't help), not interest wise (bc I've finished these 4 in like 5 days lmao), but just because despite the usual high quality entertainment and badass dark Wu Xie, don't know if thats an unpopular opinion or not, I didn't enjoy seeing him like that at all. Like after 10 years Wu Xie is my favorite Wu Xie, bc besides becoming extremely badass, with his soul Xiaoge returning to him, he becomes alive again and returns his.. well, not childishness, but idk word for this his thing... cute mischief (? lol) too. And it was just heartwarming to see and be like "yes thats his my baby, but cooler now" haha.

But this middle part he just was very lifeless during the whole thing and reading like he was trying to "exist" for several books was depressing days for me haha. I'm just used to authors being nice about stuff like this and do like time skips and gentle flashbacks after maybe xD. But like proportionally.. considering the amount of books its all fair to me haha. And its a really an awesome part and the most informative one for sure.

Is it sad? Heck yeah. I mean, even with the knowledge that he's gonna be back and that he's alive, it's like he's going through all the stages of grief there and it's all not great, yeah. I mean, he also cuts himself on regular basis and just does many things that I think would make Xiaoge not even just super angry but straight up cry, but... BUT...

...I'm one of those ppl for whom "without the bitter the sweet isn't as sweet". Like to me skipping to the reunion would be a blasphemy as it is just cause I wouldn't find it as satisfying. That's just how it is for me. I hate angst without the happy ending as much as a happy ending without angst before that lmao. Thats why I think this franchise and I were meant to be xD. Bc its literally a constant perfect rollercoaster of just that.

So I can't imagine skipping this part, bc to my masochistic ass it would just ruin the joy of the journey entirely lol.

It's like... so you skip to them reuniting... it just wouldn't be as tasty, trust me. Don't you wanna know how he is, when he's angry for the love of his life? Helpless about feeling so empty? Having to do crazy things just to stop hurting and missing him at least for a second? I know u secretly wanna lol 👀

Also don't u just have other faves, too? I mean, Wu Xie kinda scarying XiaoHua with his revenge for my husband plans.. lol. There's just a lot of things you don't wanna miss haha like a bunch of idiots being memes in hard times too xD

P.S. You can also wait for the sea flower dorama to air (we'll see how this one is gonna go, but idk I have 0 hopes as usual lol) besides watching sand sea ofc (if you haven't yet). But again, don't throw tomatoes and shoes at me pls, but like as much as I think that the SS casting was great and the quality of the whole production also great, I still didn't at all get the feels of what it felt like when I was reading it. Again don't kill me, but also there to me it kinda felt like he was his dead comrade or smth (lol idk why I'm sorry), while I deeply love this part for how very angsty fanfiction-y it is in the books. And I just didn't get what I wanted to get from it in the series. It was just not quite the same vibe to me.

And I'm always like willing to give everyone a chance to surprise me, no matter the budget and stuff, I don't care already for this after watching lots of stuff, but if it doesn't fit the certain feeling of the particular part, than I'll pass.

That being said. Just don't think they can put it off. I mean "hardcore romantic longing for someone who's like not even there" part and also that other part xD. I know someone who can, but I just don't wanna be the one who constantly like... whines about them not being able to join it again... But also I'm still totally doing it most of the time lol

So yeah, I for sure recommend the full experience, I mean, it's worth it.

#answered #anonymous #daomu biji #pingxie #zhang qiling #wu xie #wu xie x zhang qiling #I'm gonna whine forever lol #quietly xD #it's definitely not my fav part no #but its still real good

20 notes · View notes

jewelkat16 · 2 years

Text

So, some people in the Omori fandom believe that the characters represent the 5 stages of grief.

Let me be honest. I kinda hate that theory.

I can see the reasons behind it, but I know several reasons why it can't work. For one, the characters more closely resemble the emotions the game associates them. I also have problems with each of the assigned stages for each character.

Sunny: He's supposed to be Denial, which is true, he is in denial. However, Sunny is not, or should not be a single stage of grief. He's all of them. His denial created Headspace, his anger split up Basil in his mind, his bargaining is making up with his friends, his depression is the fight with Omori or The Truth, and his acceptance is telling the truth finally. It just seems reductive to call Sunny "Denial" when he's been through it all, and this applies to other characters as well.

Aubrey: She's supposed to be Anger, which yeah, she's an angry character when you first meet her in the real world. But I'd say at this point she'd progressed to Bargaining. She's found new friends in the Hooligans so that she wouldn't be alone anymore. She also might still be experiencing Denial (because the five stages aren't a clear cut linear path) because she didn't understand that everyone was also grieving in different ways, or rather didn't want to acknowledge it.

Basil: He's supposed to be Bargaining, likely because of his actions in regards to Mari. But at that point, I'd say that he'd either was still experiencing the trauma, or was in Denial. He keeps saying "everything is going to be okay" but everything's not okay. I'd also say he experienced Anger at Sunny the night they fought, and he was definitely at some point in Depression. For him, Bargaining might have been reconnecting with Sunny, only to realize he's moving away. In the Secret Ending, I'd say Basil had also reached Acceptance.

Hero: He's supposed to be Depression, and honestly I can understand why. The 1 year of him refusing to leave the house makes a convincing argument to be Depression. However, I think this is actually Denial. He hasn't come to terms with Mari's death, and is isolating himself, which is common in the Denial stage. I mean, Sunny did it too. In his fight with Kel, he experienced Anger, but because of Kel crying and Hero's caring nature, I believe this stage was suppressed for Hero, or he continued to be angry at himself in silence. Him going to college to be a doctor is him Bargaining, so he can save people he cares about, and so that no one feels what he thought Mari felt. I'd also say he's still experiencing Denial as he refused to visit Mari's grave. Overall, Hero suppresses his negative emotions in favor of being the perfect person, saving Sunny and Basil from drowning, buying the flowers, doing Sunny's chores, all because he's Bargaining so that he keeps everyone happy. Awfully similar to Kel honestly.

Kel: He's supposed to be Acceptance. Hot take: KEL HAD NOT ACCEPTED MARI'S DEATH. Yeah, he has new friends, but I'm not sure if I would count that as Bargaining or Denial, because the game says he's still lonely. He's barely acknowledging his own feelings, and we haven't heard of him getting angry, even with the fight with Hero, he says he was scared and started crying. Kel suppresses his true feelings for the sake of others, so I'm not sure if he's in Denial or Bargaining honestly. He needs to express his true feelings in order to heal, because suppressing sadness and anger won't help him in the long run. He is definitely not in Acceptance, not at all.

These are basically the reasons why I don't like the 5 stages of grief theory of Omori. It reduces the emotional journeys of all the characters to a single point in time, and I don't even think all of them are accurate. I generally dislike these kinds of theories because of how much it strips away from a character. These characters are more complex than that.

#omori spoilers #5 stages of grief #opinion #theory #omori game

8 notes · View notes

valeskakingdom · 3 years

Text

Request

Could I request a part 3? Jerome keeps the reader as his hostage for popularity and attention. Reader is really fond of the attention she gets as well and eventually sleeps with Jerome again? In the end she sees how Galavan kills him and is really sad?

Requested by @violentvaleska

So guys, here's part 5!!

Credit gif: @jokersbabe27

Jerome x female reader (part 5)

Warnings: mentions of violence and murder, depression

Word count: 3378

*Later that day at the charity*

"Already excited for my show, doll?" Jerome grinned through his magician costume. you hated that costume. It hid Jerome's beautiful face with a shitty beard, his hairs were under a stupid wig and a black cylinder. And that tuxedo...gosh, you hated it thought not as much as the wig or the fake beard. The worst on it was his name...'Rodolfo'. You were disgusted by that name.

No magician in that universe would ever call himself like that! It sounds so ridiculous!

"Of course! Though I already know you'll be amazing as always." You smirked pressing a kiss on his cheek "Give them the best show they've ever seen!"

"That ain't be a problem for me" Jerome grinned "Even Hundini wouldn't have seen such a great show." You giggled at his comment.

"Without further ado, please allow me to present you the Great Rodolfo!" Immediately, Jerome walked on stage, everyone was applauding - even you. You were excited for how he was acting as a magician. Of course, you knew he was doing it well anyway. Jerome was professional. He could play every role in this Earth perfectly!

"Ha! Greetings ladies and germs," Jerome walked on stage "I am indeed the Great Rodolfo! Please ogle my lovely assistant. Ohh, for my first act, I'll require a volunteer. Let me see. Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, goose!" Jerome pointed at Bruce Wayne, the richest orphan in Gotham that was hated by every villain - really, everyone wanted to kill him.

"Hello, young man. Does this handsome gentleman have a name?" You heard Jerome saying after she went out to the crowd to bring him back.

"Bruce." The boy responded.

"Bruce! Well, Bruce. This won't hurt a bit." He clapped two great blades together "Is there a doctor in the house?"

Jerome sticked one of the blades in the box along with the other one. The audience gasped, them applauded him.

While watching you were astonished about Jerome's well, acting. Nobody noticed it was him. Neither Bruce nor the other guests recognized anything. Almost unbelievable for you.

"Some people say Bruce has a split personality." Jerome laughed loud while Barbara brought the little kid back to his actual place "For my next illusion, I'd like to call to the stage esteemed Deputy Major Harrison Kane."

Barbara pushed a rolling table, covered with a tarp, forward that it stood in front of Jerome. She pulled the tarp back and you could see any kind of knives laying down there. You were thinking about what was coming next. Is Jerome still playing with him or is he about to kill that guy?

Barbara bended down making the others noticed the next illusion was incoming. But a mistake happened, her mask fell down.

They're fucked!! You thought panicking. If anyone of the guests recognized them, they all would have a big problem. People would call the police, others die, the police finds you and eventually become informed about Theo, as well.

But Barbara kept being professional. Nobody made a move to start panicking or to call the police. Everything stayed normal.

"By the way, nobody is getting out here alive." At first the crowd laughed because they thought he was just joking - of course, he did not. Jerome killed the Deputy and the gunfire started. People were screaming and hiding in hope they weren't the next victim.

You flinched a little in surprise, although you might have expected it. Who would Jerome not kill expect you? He killed his mother, now the Deputy Major...it was just a matter of time to see who was his next victim.

For you, that all was pretty exciting, but also a big feeling of unpleasantness came over you. This situation reminded you of the day Jerome kidnapped you. You had flashbacks. You fear, you uncomfortableness, the nervousness, the wish to go home...everything came back - you knew best how the victims felt right now, and.

And as the last time, something told you that this situation wouldn't turn out well.

You wanted to be with Jerome right now. You just wanted to hug him, you wouldn't care whether he liked it or not, you just needed it.

But you couldn't go to him. You promised him to stay backstage to watch his marvellous show. And you knew, as everyone else knew what would happen if you broke the promise. His mood would change again and you needed to see whether it would turn out well for you or not.

You just stared at your lover. Finally he took the cylinder from his head as the wig, his black mask and the beard. Finally he presented himself again. You couldn't help but smile. You saw him being excited, being happy. He was the star in the show as he was the boss. You loved to see this: him standing there calm and managing everything while around him was pure chaos.

He was so professional you thought.

Out of nowhere, another woman was brought on stage, it was Lee Tompkins.

She was handhuffed, her gaze expressed fear and panicking.

They probably have taken her from behind as she was about to call the cops to tell what was going on.

You saw Jerome gazing at her with a smile - immediately, you hated her. You hated how you Jerome looked at her, how he smiled at her. It looked the same as every time he was smiling at you.

"Hey, darling" You felt shivers down your spine and jealousy came over you as he said that, you hated when Jerome was acting kinda flirty with other women. You always got the feeling they'd be much better than you but you also that your thoughts are wrong "I need to borrow your phone for a moment. We wanna tell Jimbo how the show's going on, don't we?"

And so he called him:

"Sorry Jimbo, it's just little old me!" He said nothing for a moment, then "Are you outside? You are, aren't you?" He cackled" Oh, goody!"

"Breathe, James. I haven't touched a hair on your girlfriend's pretty head." See for yourself. This is live television after all." You heard Jerome laughing after he responded to 'Jimbo'.

Then Jerome and Barbara tied Lee up on that big wheel pretending to shoot her head. It was all to entertain the crowd, to make them love. No one loved though - besides you. You loved their show. It entertained you and you loved to see your lover in action.

"True, but not the point. Hey, let's talk about what I want." Jerome walked down the stage closer to the camera "$47 million, a helicopter, obviously, the dry cleaning I left at Mr. Chang's be careful, the man is a crook, and mm, I don't know, a pony. Uh, you got ten minutes or I start killing people. Remember this is being broadcast to every home in Gotham, so, don't let people die. Bye!" Jerome laughed into the phone as he hung up "I think that went well." Jerome looked at you giving you a wink with a smile.

"Enough! You need to pack up your pathetic little sideshow and leave!" You suddenly heard Theo yelling from the other side of the stage. You were confused. What was he doing here? He told them to do this! Or did this still belong to the show?

"Is that right?" Jerome asked with a smirk.

"It may be presumptuous to speak for all citizens of Gotham. But we are sick of you! You're a small, vicious man with a pathetic need for attention. Enough man, for God's sake, enough!"

You were even more confused about Galavan's words. Something was in the bush. In his tower he spoke in high claims of Jerome that he was the star in the show, that he trusted Jerome most that he'll do it. What was wrong now?

"I'm curious what your leverage is here, Mr.?"

"Theo Galavan"

"Well, Mr. Theo Galavan, if you don't sit down, uh, I'm gonna shoot you. In your face."

"I know there is some human decency left in you. If you need a hostage, take me. But let these people go home! To their families, to their children." Before Theo could continue his speech, Barbara knocked him out with a some kind of pan. You giggled for yourself, almost laughed loud. It looked so stupid for you how he fell on the ground. It was like in a real blockbuster.

"Boring" Barbara stated.

"Right" Jerome cackled loudly, then he made his way to you with a big grin in his face. Automatically you grinned, too.

"How do you like the show doll?" Jerome grabbed your hands and pulled you close to him. You felt a slightly blush spreading over your cheeks as he pressed his lips against yours. His hands grabbed your cheeks softly to intense the kiss.

"I love it! It's very exciting" You grinned wrapping your arms around his neck while he wrapped his arms around your waist "But I'm much happier about you not wearing this cruel costume anymore. It covered your face, I hated it."

Jerome just chuckled about your comment and kissed your forehead.

"I have an idea," You just raised your brows looking at him in interest "Wanna be the star in my show?"

"Of course I do!" You smiled wide before he pressed his lips against yours quickly, then you both walked out. Gasps filled the room, all eyes were on you. They all knew who you were. You were the missed girl everyone was looking for. They either thought you were dead or that you were left at a lost place. But now you stood there - healthy, happy, self-confident.

"I know what you all think: That's (Y/n)! What is she doing here?! Where has she been?! I tell you all a secret: She was with me all the time." Jerome grabbed your face soft making you giggle "She's gorgeous, isn't she? Always has a pretty smile in her face."

Barbara pulled a next man up on stage positioning right in front of you and handed you a gun. Then she placed an apple on the man's bald.

"You know how to hold a gun, doll?" Jerome grinned wrapping his arms around you from behind. You felt his lips and his warm breathe touched your cheek. It was giving you chills in arousal.

"I'm not that stupid, Jerome." You made sure the gun was loaded. You positioned yourself to keep stable and pointed the gun at the apple. That was what Barbara and Tabitha have taught you over the days you were at Galavan's.

The man in front of you was shivering with wide eyes, his sweat was dripping down his forehead. His eyes expressed fear and you could see he wished you didn't kill him.

"Hold very still." Jerome growled at the man, then he covered his eyes with one hand "I can't look! Someone tell me how it turns out."

You inhaled deeply and concentrated on the apple. But as you pulled the trigger, just water came out and splashed into the old man's face. At that moment, you thought that Jerome jerked you around with tell you time the star.

Jerome just sighed in annoyance grabbing your gun and gave you a new one assuring you that he didn't know the gun was fake.

"Damn! Turn around." The man looked at you in fear and turned around. With his eyes he literally begged you not to shoot or at least to hit the apple. He was about to stop moving as you shot the apple from his head. The crowd gasps in shock and relief that the guy wasn't dead yet.

"Whoo!" Barbara cheered happily. You knew she was proud of you that you didn't blame yourself and missed the apple. You were proud of yourself, too. You shot without hesitation, not even thinking of missing the apple and accidentally shoot the guy.

Every one else kept quiet tho.

"Well, clap!" Jerome shouted kinda aggressively to the crowd - then they did it. Nervously and fast. He laughed slightly pressing a kiss on your cheek "Well done, doll."

"Thank you, Jerome." You grinned. He took the gun out of your hands and placed it on the table with the knives. Then he kept staring at them for a while, you could see he was thinking about something.

"Do you know how to use a knife? Just wondering." Jerome smiled at you.

Before you could answer though, you saw Lee kicked Barbara in the stomach making her grunt.

As Barbara looked up at Lee, you could see fury was written in her face. She was angry, mad...these words just described a very small part of her feeling. It was incredible how much hate a person could express.

You looked at Lee. You could see she didn't give a fuck about her consequences.

"Haven't been ten minutes," Jerome hissed holding Barbara's arm tight that she was unable to stab Lee "We need to buy you a watch." Soon as Jerome turned around back to you Barbara punched Lee in her face. The crowd and you all gasped in surprise. Jerome instead, just looked at you shaking his head in disappointment what made you chuckle.

"Well, I think it's time for tonight's first official victim. You all know and love. Poor rich boy...Parents murdered in an alley, and my favorite volunteer: Where is Bruce Wayne?" Jerome claimed waiting for the little boy's appearance - he didn't come though. Everyone looked around for the boy hoping he would come. They, as you, knew what would happen if he did - someone will die.

"You know, I'm an orphan, too, Bruce? I killed my parents, though." Jerome spoke to the microphone, then stepped away from it "Where are you hiding?"

"Bruce!" Jerome screamed in anger making you flinch a little - you were always surprised about his temper. It came rapidly and was gone after a few seconds "Where are you buddy?!"

"That little kid's afraid of you, Jerome." You giggled wrapping your arms around his torso kinda in hope to calm him down a little. You had no idea his temper could ride that fast. "Give that boy some time to realize how much fun he's gonna have with you."

"We don't have time, right now. We have a plan to follow." Jerome grumbled looking around for Bruce and slightly pushing you away from him. In your eyes, Jerome was a mix of an infant and a monster or the evil itself. His impatience reminded you of a child that didn't get his will. And his eye expression expressed fury, evil and the strong wish to kill the kid. It was fascinating, and almost frightening.

"Kill his butler!"" Barbara suggested.

"Alright, last chance Bruce but it's about to get very butler-brainy out here." Jeromekept looking around. While that, some of Jerome's colleagues grabbed the butler's arms right pushing him forward to Jerome. He was an older tall man in a black tuxedo looking very concerned for the little boy - understandable.

"Brucey!" Jerome yelled looking through the crowd but the boy still didn't appear "I'm bored. Shoot the butler." Jerome turned to you with a grin, not even really paying attention to what was happening around him. He just wanted you.

"Stop!" Bruce claimed panicking and ran fast in front of the stage to his poor butler.

"Let's get this started, huh?" Jerome gasped pulling Bruce back while pointing a gun at his head "You! Check behind the curtain! Make sure no one's playing silly buggers"

One of Jerome's colleagues nodded and walked to the curtain. He moved it aside the entrance, he got shot.

"Drop the knife!" James Gordon shouted pointing a gun at Jerome, but he just laughed and pressed the young Bruce Wayne in front of his body, a sharp blade was pressed on his throat almost cutting his thin skin.

"I don't have a clean shot!" Gordon shouted.

"Stay calm, Bruce." The butler tried to encourage the little boy after he took a gun, as well, pointing it at Jerome. He totally ignored what Gordon said. His mind was all around Bruce.

"It seems like we've got ourselves a pickle." Jerome stopped laughing but pressing a knife against Bruce's throat. "What do you say Brucey boy? Wanna boost our ratings, huh?" Jerome cackled insanely again "Smile."

"I said enough!" All of a sudden Theo appeared behind Jerome. He looked mad, very mad. Again you got that feeling of uncomfortableness. And again you got that feeling that something bad will happen now. You saw it on his gaze. This devilish grin. Something was in the bush.

And you weren't wrong. Shortly after Jerome turned to him slowly, Theo stabbed a knife into his neck.

Everyone gasped in shock, you were the loudest though. You heart dropped, you couldn't move for the moment, your legs became weak, cat got your tongue - you weren't able to breathe normal. You felt poor as you stared at Theo's hand that pressed the knife in Jerome's throat deeper and deeper - and that all right in front of you. Your whole body shivered, you were about to throw up every minute.

Tears built up in your eyes and some even streamed down your cheeks. This couldn't be real, this mustn't be real! You couldn't loose him, not now, not again, not forever.

Things have happened not quite perfect and you were mad at him, you didn't want to be with him, you even hated him for a moment, you were afraid of him... everything. You could say for one moment he was your biggest fear in your life because you were scared he'd kill you every minute, or every time you did something wrong. But that faded, it was forgiven, your love was refreshed. It was stronger than the night you two met for the first time. Your connection was stronger than ever before - you knew you belonged together. Why else did fate decide to let you two meet again? Why else would you fall for him again? Why else did he all you his doll, his girl, his queen? That weren't just words...it was more, a lot more.

You knew Jerome couldn't show love as usual people did, but you knew he loved you. His soft side towards you, him trying to make you smile, him protecting you when Greenwood teased you or harassed you..,that was all real. He didn't act at all!

All the memories came up. His smile, how you two hold a conversation for the first time at the circus, you felt the warmth on you hand again when you remembered how he held your hand. You could feel his arms wrapping around your body, and you could hear him calling you 'doll'.

And all this was gone forever now.

"I know, I know." He pressed Jerome down to the ground "Im so sorry, Jerome. You have real talent. But now you see, the plot thickens. Enter the hero." You saw Theo grinning slightly.

You could kill him for what he has done to him - and to you. He took all your joy away, he ripped your heart in two and three it away that it shattered in thousands of pieces. He had to die in your eyes. He just deserved it. You wanted revenge. You wanted to make him feel what he has done to you. You wanted to make him feel how you felt - sad, broken, shocked.

"I was gonna be.." With his last breath and his last courage, he looked up to you still having a grin in his face. His mouth opened shortly as if he was about to say something to you, but too late.

He was dead - dead as your happiness, your joy, you will to live. Your heart felt so heavy that every beating was exhausting you, as your breathing. The world was spinning around you. You body and your psyche couldn't handle what has happened just a few seconds in front of you.

He died, your love, your everything - your Jerome. And he will never come back.

And you died - inside.

62 notes · View notes

one-abuse-survivor · 3 years

Note

reporting from the milky way again :)

yes, i did get the exams and project out of the way (the main reason i worked on the project so much last weekend was because i had to turn it in until sunday night) but right now were in the process of getting all the grades back and tbh i'm less than happy about it. So far i'm not happy about math, physics and chemistry and there'll be even worse grades in geography, german and music.

and my dad did not realize the extent of my struggles and seems to think that i'm just a rebellious teenager or something

i know that my mom will be around tomorrow afternoon and i am planning to talk with her then but that'd be a one-on-one conversation and i'm not sure if i can handle that at the moment but we'll see. i can tell you how it went afterwards.

and i'm really excited for friday bc it's the last day of school this year and afterwards we have a 7 week break and i'll be able to go out for lunch with a friend whom I haven't seen in two years because they moved to the US.

okay so this is milky way again and i wanted to let you know how trying to talk to my mom went

spoiler alert: it was worse than disappointing

i didn't start talking about my suspicions of being neurodivergent because i wanted to see how helpful she'd be first so i just kinda started with how i struggle with concentrating and not getting distracted at school and my sleep issues and that's about as far as i got before i got a feeling of how pointless this was.

the only thing she did was telling me that others have it worse (since i still have above-average grades), that everyone has this kind of existential crisis at some point during their teenager years, that the sleeping and concentration issues are just teenager issues that everyone has and that everyone feels like their struggles are worse than everyone else's even tho most of the time they actually aren't and finally that she can't help me

i of course quickly got the hell out of the room and went to bed (so i can be by myself in my room in the dark with my door closed). on one hand i'm absolutely furious and on the other hand i am disappointed, sad and dejected and i don't really believe myself anymore. seriously, what if she's right? she's had about 40 years more life experience and she was a teenager too at some point so she'd know this kinda thing, wouldn't she? what if i'm just complaining too much and talking over the ones that are actually struggling and can actually prove it with grades and stuff?

i feel a lot worse than i did one hour ago and i should've just not started talking in the first place and i regret it so much because i know this conversation will haunt me for the next week if not more.

i'm just angry angry angry

at myself, at her, at the way she compared me with literally everyone else at my age, at how i'm not sure of myself and at everything

i haven't felt this bad since last november and that was when things got really really bad (suicidal thoughts and self-harm included) and i'm so so scared of being there again because i'm on a 7 month 2 week streak with self-harm and i don't want to have to break it

sorry that this is just me venting and that this is so long

tl;dr i tried talking to my mom, now i'm angry at myself and her and i'm terrified of myself

Hi again ❤ I'm really sorry your grades aren't as good as you wanted them to be and that your dad keeps acting like your struggles are just a teenage rebellious phase and not taking you seriously :( I hope you have a good time with your friend, at least!

I'm so so sorry talking to your mom went so badly. I hope you're feeling slightly better now, but if not, I'm sending you the biggest virtual hug. I know how hard it can be to believe you're actually struggling at first, especially mentally, and I can't even imagine how horrible it must feel to have those fears "proven" by the very people meant to help you and support you when you reach out for help.

She is not right, nonnie, no matter how much she insists she is. First of all, I think there's at least some truth to the idea that teenagers tend to think the world revolves around themselves, and to feel uncomprehended at times. But I also think that's completely understandable. I mean, you're experiencing what it's like not to be a kid anymore for the very first time; you're facing many grown-up problems and feelings for the first time. And all of that while hormones wreak havoc in your system. How are you not meant to be at least a little bit angsty at times? But you know what? That doesn't mean you don't deserve help and guidance from your parents! It is a part of parenting to guide your kids through their teenage problems and to help them deal with emotions and issues they'd never had to face before. So even if she was right, and all you were going through right now was a typical teen existential crisis, you would still need and deserve her guidance and support. And you would still deserve to see a doctor about your struggles with sleep and concentration even if it turned out it was a teenage thing. There is no scenario where you deserve to suffer and push through your struggles alone just because your problems don't come from a serious enough source.

Second of all, grades are not indicative of how much you're struggling. I got some of the best grades in my school during years where I was going through abuse. I know a person who managed to get into a medicine degree with undiagnosed ADHD (and you have to get some really high grades to study medicine here). I also know a person who passed 3/4ths of her uni subjects and graduated university while in a depression so severe she could barely walk. Your grades do not dictate whether you need help.

And third of all, she might be older than you, and I'm sure she had a lot of learning experiences as a teenager herself, but that doesn't mean she knows you better than you know yourself. No one knows you better than you know yourself. No one has experienced all life experiences and gets to decide what other people are or aren't going through. And most importantly, there's always going to be someone who has it "worse" than everyone in this world, but that doesn't mean everyone else doesn't deserve help to manage their struggles. There's no such thing as not struggling enough to deserve help. Either you're not struggling at all, whatsoever, or you are to some extent—and no matter what that extent is, if you feel like you need help with it, then you need help with it. No one gets to tell you you don't.

From what I know, it's not unheard of for neurodivergent people to get told by their parents that their experiences are universal and therfore "not a big deal", and for it to turn out that their parents have some signs of neurodivergence themselves and just never got diagnosed. I of course don't know if that's the case here, but I want you to know that regardless of her reasons to tell you your experiences are universal—whether she also went through that and never had it acknowledged or she's saying it to gaslight you and make you question yourself—her behaviour is still neglectful. And you deserved so much better than to be made to feel like you're making things up, exaggerating and talking over others when all you did was ask for help with your personal struggles.

Sending a giant hug your way ❤️

#milky way anon #ask #abusive parents #neglectful parents #emotional neglect tw #self harm mention #suicidal mention #suicidal tw #Neglect tw #Abuse tw #Abuse

4 notes · View notes