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datingadviceonreddit · 4 years

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If this isn't allowed please let me know!! I just joined reddit today, I'm trying to navigate through all the rules and such.This is a long read, I do apologize. I'm 20(F), turn 21 this year if that matters.I don't have the best guy history.My guy best friend in high school lead me to believe for three years we were together, then he told me I was worthless after I'd asked him senior year where we were headed. Told me it was fun but he's pretty sure he's gay. I cut off all contact, deleted social media, his number. His friends, still, every now and then attempt to contact me and tell me his new number, that he wants to talk to me. I've blocked all of them as well, but they continue to make new accounts to find me again.I got a job after high school and five months in we had someone transfer in because we were desperate for workers. I fell for him, and he and I seemed pretty great together. We talked a lot about his family and he's even cried in front of me before. I snuck to work on an off day to see him and we cozied up outside for hours and talked. It felt like heaven. Later on in this-come to find out-not relationship, he let slip he'd like to bang a coworker of mine if she had been single. It bothered me of course. Things got different after that because wtf?? As it turned out he had a girlfriend in a different state, but their relationship had been on the rocks. Guess he sought me out because he was lonely or wanted love in exchange for nothing. I started treating him the way he started treating me and we grew apart, then he wound up sleeping with my coworker. He's gone now. I know it's my fault he's gone but I don't care. I'm glad.I decided then to give up on love, like any other typical teenage girl would do. One night, on nightshift, I came in crying because my mom and I had been fighting before I got to work. I immediately found my work mom and held onto her for dear life, and one of my regulars had spotted me crying and had purchased a rose for me. He was a very sweet kid, he bought me my first ever rose. Naturally I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever laid eyes on.He wound up giving me his number one day and we talked; about music, about passions and hobbies, about everything. Sent each other jokes. We had a little date planned for a Saturday I requested off, and the Thursday before that he called the store to say he was coming in on roller skates. I was there with my work mom and a coworker who was in the back doing dishes, and she really wanted to see him roll in because we thought it would be funny. Now, this coworker is someone who amped the relationship between he and I, told me how excited she was for me, and pushed me to talk to him more. Told me to break from my shell a bit. So I did. Anyway, he rolled in but was so fast the coworker didn't get a chance to see him. Later she told me a joke and I sent it to him, but he never responded. Thought he was just busy, so I didn't worry about it. Didn't see him for a while. Called him and texted about our date but he completely ghosted me.The coworker got weird around me and one day she contacted me to say she'd slept with him. Said they were in love. Said it didn't mean anything. Continued to contradict. I just couldn't believe this had happened again. What the ever loving fuck was I doing wrong? He had even brought his parents in from Florida and they all came to the store together. I felt like she was rubbing it in and the other workers thought so as well. I was absolutely so bitter about this situation to the point that she quit her job. They eloped to Florida.I stayed the night with my coworker best friend (I'd known her 2 years) during a promotional training week of mine, and when we were going to sleep (slightly drunk) I'd told her I had a friend crush on a guy coworker. She was the only one I'd told this to. Didn't tell my work mom, either. Found it wasn't important because I wasn't wanting a relationship. So as a result of that, most everyone at work knew I liked him and the info got back to him. My anxiety about this whole thing was so overwhelming that I had to confront him about it because God only knows what exactly she said. So I told him I had a little bit of a crush on him, and I already knew about his preexisting feelings for me. We talked things through about how it wouldn't work, how the age gap made me super uncomfortable, and so we agreed to just be friends. He wound up moving in with a coworker and I didn't find out until after I'd gotten out of the hospital when I'd stayed for over a week. Now, I wasn't affected by this at first, but later I was upset that even if everyone had thought I liked him, now someone else all of a sudden does? I keep going through this exact pattern and I'm not sure how to change it.A few months back we were hiring specifically for assistant managers to send off to other stores. Apparently one of these dudes liked me, I just wasn't aware. I slowly started talking to him. He told me he was in an open relationship, but I didn't think anything of it because I wasn't particularly experienced in this area. And this seems off topic, but honestly things had been rough here with my mom. So yes, I was seeking external comfort. It wasn't from the best place. I know. I just wanted a human fucking connection, okay? And I still do.Anyway, I won't go into super detail but shit got heated too fucking quickly for my liking and long story short he tried to rape me. He no longer works for us. Christmas time isn't going to be the same.I told our new assistant about a cute regular I'd liked since I started working there, she wanted to kinda push me into it (but not force!! I told her I wanted to date but didn't know how to go about things considering all the other shit). So he comes up, she initiates a threesome joke, and I of course get flustered and red faced. He asked for both our numbers. I figured go ahead and forget it considering he wanted both numbers. So I dropped it. She wasn't interested in him at all, and she let him know that too.Later on, months later, I'd wound up sick in the hospital again. Was out of work for three or so weeks. I got back, and that regular asked where I'd been. Over the next few weeks we started flirting, and I finally had the balls to give him my number.I'm actually still texting him, have been since mid February. But I don't exactly know where this is headed. I don't want to be the "what are we?" girl. We have excellent chemistry, but he almost seems kind of introverted-and I find myself initiating most text conversations. I'm an introvert myself, but dealing with the opposite sex is something that I'm just now learning how to really do. As it turns out, I'm really good at flirting (when I'm not awkward and anxious lol). He's bought me roses at work, he held his hand out a couple weeks ago and offered me a hug. We hug almost every time he comes in.I'd just really like to get to know him. Without scaring him off. I want something stable, for once, without the doubt of a coworker taking over. He's an absolute sweetheart (as far as I've seen). And of course we got the virus stuff going on. Can't exactly go out with someone when you can't go out lol.They always say to take risks and put yourself out there but the more I do, the more I seem to get fucked over. I know this isn't going to be forever but at this point the same thing keeps happening and it isn't like I can flat out ask a new guy "Is there any chance you'll sleep with my coworker after I give you my number?"I'm nervous as all hell, quite frankly. I'm merely wanting a connection that serves as more than something physical (I've never been physically intimate with any of those guys, either. Love before sex). I consider myself old fashioned in the romantical sense, but for some reason I'm always drawing in the hookup culture types. I sincerely doubt on my initial meeting with a man I should say, directly, "I'm wanting a commitment. You in?" But at the same time, I feel as if there isn't a way to communicate that without being direct. It's like I'm going about this stuff the wrong way. Am I naive? A bit. I'm young, it's to be expected. But I don't have anyone to look up to in this department so I seek out Google answers or advice from strangers on the internet. Some of you fuckers are smart, though.How do I go about attracting the right guys? via /r/dating_advice

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