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yeahxsurexokay13 · 16 hours

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forget about us - mason mount

summary: yn and mason have been broken up for 5 months and both have apparently moved on from each other but then yn's unexpected new single happens

warnings: the song mentioned is 'forget about us' by perrie because i have been obsessed with it ever since it came out !!!! but for the sake of the smau i have decided to completely ignore the parts where she talks about not wanting to go back to where they were lol

y/n.y/l

Liked by taylorswift and 1.075.733 others

y/n.y/l well, here's the truth of it

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fan1 spill the tea bestie we're all ears ☕☕☕👂🏼👂🏼👂🏼

fan2 we're getting nEW MUSIC EVERYBODY

jackgrealish Reckon this one will make the pre match playlist?

y/n.y/l we'll have to see if it passes the vibes check 🥸

fan6 so it's a break up song 🥲 confirmed.

fan3 are these lyrics? 👀

user1 looks like we're about to get the inside scoop on the breakup

fan4 don't bother zooming in on slide 3 it doesn't work

jobebellingham 👩🏽‍🍳

y/n.y/l 🤫

fan7 WHAT DOES HE KNOW

fan8 not jude's brother commenting.........

selenagomez Love seeing you in your element 🫶 liked by y/n.y/l

fan5 Here come the tissues 🤧🤧

y/n.y/l

Liked by perrieedwards and 1.790.201 others

y/n.y/l big thanks to @/edsheeran for helping me put my heart into words and to the amazing @/allieavital for directing this mv with such brilliance and kindness.

'forget about us' song and mv are yours at midnight!!! 🌃

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fan1 aaAAAAAAAHHHHHHH ASFJK

niallhoran YES! Been hyped for this release. Let's goooo!

y/n.y/l thank you! this means so much coming from you!!! x

fan2 i've been trying to make out what the song might be about by this 5 second video and it's safe to say i have nothing

fan3 like wth is she supposed to be seeing on those tvs?

fan4 CAN MIDNIGHT HURRY UP PLZ AND THANK YOU

edsheeran It was an honour to work on this with you. Can't wait for everyone to hear it 🙌 liked by y/n.y/l

fan5 can't wait to watch and listen 💖

fan6 already preparing myself emotionally for this song bc if it's about Mason idk if i'll survive 😭😭😭

fan7 yn's music always hits differently when it's inspired by real life experiences 😮‍💨

y/n.y/l

Liked by masonmount and 1.507.893 others

y/n.y/l fuk sad feelings

tagged: madelyncline

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fan1 a negroni… sbagliato… with prosecco in it

y/n.y/l oh stunning

fan2 MASON IS BACK IN THE LIKES EVERYBODY MOVE

fan4 what if he heard the song?

fan2 he DEFINITELY heard the song lol

madelyncline Did you know i am obsessed with you?

y/n.y/l giggling and kicking my feet i love u bb

fan3 I spy with my little eye... Mason in Y/n's likes 🚢🚢🚢🚢🚢🚢🚢

fan5 this has me imagining all sorts of scenarios please let this mean something

fan6 my babies @.y/n.y/l @/madelyncline 😍❤️

fan7 UR SO PRETTY WTH

y/n.y/l

📍 portsmouth

Liked by sophiaaemelia and 2.390.276 others

y/n.y/l writing about how much i want one direction to get back together next

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fan1 AS SOON AS I SAW THE LOCATION I KNEW OMFG

fan2 my heart is so happy 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

user1 You and Mason are too cute! But seriously, we need that One Direction reunion song.

declanrice ❤️

fan6 "but when I hear your name, it's still so raw. do you ever feel the same way too?" looks like he did!!!

fan3 okay this wins for the most creative way of saying 'we're back together' lol so happy for you two 💕💕

user2 i'd stream that song on repeat until it happens

fan4 mum and dad arE BACK TOGETHER YAY

fan5 if your song works, I'll be forever indebted to you!!!

user3 been rooting for you two since day one!! so happy to see you back together 🥰

masonmount Your biggest fan forever ❤️

y/n.y/l my number 7 ♥️

#singer!reader #social media au #football smau #mason mount smau #mason mount x reader #mason mount imagine

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lesbianlotties · 10 months

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i've been thinking and i decided the emmys this year should have extra categories just about yellowjackets

#i'm delusional but i'm also emotionally preparing myself to see some of them get not nominated and then win nothing (STILL HOPEFUL THO)#i just need an award show JUST for yellowjackets s2 #best actress and supporting actress per timeline #best episode writing directing everything #best homoerotic moment best musical moment best insane moment #best sophie nelisse moment best lottie outfit best act of swearing loyalty to nat #if they don't give us this i'll do it myself #yellowjackets

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heich0e · 1 month

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hi liv!!☀️ i challenge you to defeat wolfwood in combat, how would you do it? you have four hours prep time.

i don't need 4 hours i just need an everything shower, a bottle of wine, and a candle to set the mood

#liv got mail #and honestly at least two of those three things can probably be left out #i'll use the rest of the four hours to emotionally prepare myself for the dicking down of a lifetime #the man's greatest adversary is any willing hole

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m4niackkyun · 1 year

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Hi. (Announcement in the tags)

#uhmm...i don't know how to explain this...#so my family has been having a lot of trouble lately #mostly our relationship with our step father #there's been ups and downs..well..more on the downer side. the only main reason my mother married him was because of..well..#money..as trash as that sounds. i can't deny the fact that I've been able to continue my studies due to his financial support.#i don't want to justify anything that i've probably done wrong to him but emotionally right now—i'm simply scarred to the point where—#I don't think I could heal without professional help. I've been struggling a lot with it ever since of what he did #i felt disgusted. dirty. I felt lost. I didn't want to forgive him. maybe this is the punishment i have to endure because I didn't have it—#—in me to forgive him. I know the principles of my religion and it is stated that one must always find forgiveness towards others.#no matter how big their mistake is. but you see—I'm not God. I am human. my kindness isn't as grand and as big as Him.#my patience is limited and so is my forgiveness #that applies the same to my mother. my mother is a very patient person when it comes to her husband. but yet again she isn't an angel—#nor is she God. she is also human and has limits to what she could handle and what she could forgive and forget.#they argued tonight. and I don't think it'll slide or end well like the past arguments. and I'm sorry to say but—#I won't be able to be active all that much either.#without him now I'll probably have to look for part time jobs. which is gonna limit how active I will be here and on my main account #I will probably go into an indefinite hiatus for some time #maybe I'll come back...maybe I won't. hopefully I will. just...pray for me that I have it in me to continue doing what I love and—#—sharing these little bits of what I do in my free time with you.#I won't have the time to reply to anything for the time being. college tests are on the way and I have to prepare myself for—#—the better or worse.#if things go downhill and you don't hear from me for a long while. then this will probably be my last post here.#I'll still be able to reply to messages on other platforms #but I just don't have the emotional stability to talk right now. No it's gonna be fine. I have faith in me and God.#I know that He doesn't put His children into burdens that none of them could handle.#and if He thinks I could handle this. then I will. and I can. He is with me and so is all of your faith.#that puts me in a sense of reassurance a little hahah...#yeah.. so...I'll see you then..bye.

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orcelito · 1 year

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OK I've had my eye on the new Trigun anime since the first episode released bc I have a mutual who's been really into it since the start. Contemplating but wanting to see where it goes to see if it'd be worth watching. Suffice to say after seeing gifsets of episode 12, the matter has changed from an "if" to a "when"

Pretty inevitable, now

#speculation nation #to my trigun mutuals: You Won #i'll probs start watching in the next few days. not tonight bc lol but. i will.#the animation just looks sooooooo good #and i wanted to know what i was getting into. like. character death wise #i looked up spoilers for the other iterations of trigun and found that. a certain character does indeed die in them #i prefer to be emotionally prepared for such instances. i wanted to know if stampede would change it #and like. with there being a second season (!!) their fate is still unsure lol #but theyre not dead YET and that's what matters to me apparently #i mean even if they did die it wouldnt be an automatic No Watch but like. i need to emotionally prepare myself ya kno #like the same shit with critical role 2. i stopped watching bc i needed to know for sure whether a certain character was coming back or not #idk in weird with character death. i dont like it. but i can handle it if i know about it ahead of time.#put up the emotional blockades so i dont get hurt too bad.#an unexpected character death tho... ouch #anyways yea U guys won and im probs gonna start posting about trigun. soon. others have been warned.

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syn0vial · 1 year

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the last god of war game triggered my maternal instincts so badly that i haven't played the new one solely bc i don't know if i'm ready to see my baby boy atreus all growed up 🥺

#crumb post #i couldn't handle it. every time something bad happened to atreus i'd have to stop playing and pace around in distress #like i'll get around to playing the new one i just need to emotionally prepare myself lol

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juliasimongf · 11 months

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This entire match I had literally zero confidence in Caro to win, yet somehow she did...

#caroline garcia #Literally I was emotionally preparing myself for the loss since the first set #But I guess I'll save suffering for another day #roland garros

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pporapipam · 2 years

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oh so we're crying today. i see how it is 💔

#the clips of the tipsy live i see on my tl 😭 yeah i'm sorry but i can't do this <///3 #my heart will explode into a million pieces when i watch it so i'll need 3-4 business days to prepare myself emotionally #they better release the puppy interview soon to make up for all of our tears i swear 🥺#io.txt

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teaboot · 4 months

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I hope it's okay that I took a screenshot, cause I felt that this deserved it's own post.

It's a good question, and as someone with a needle phobia myself it's one I have some experience with and feel I can speak on.

It's going to sound stupid, but it's this:

First, keep facing your fear. I personally elected to start donating blood, which sucked ass, but helped me get used to the feeling of having a needle in in safe environment, and celebrating the small victory every time I finished was a good motivator to keep going back.

What I did then was focus on what my body was doing. Was I breathing fast? Tensing up? Sweating? Going cold? Was I shaking? Where? Was it better to fidget, or hold still? Did closing my eyes help? Plugging my ears? I got familiar with my own physical reactions so I could start to separate them from my mental reactions.

Now when I experience a panic response, I'm not just objectively aware that my body is doing it's own thing- I genuinely feel that my body is acting on it's own. I'm stressed, but not SCARED, because my brain doesn't just know that it's safe- it FEELS safe. I'm emotionally strung out and on edge, but I'm not totally losing myself anymore. I can have a conversation while it's happening.

Now, sometimes I can see someone use a syringe for small procedures without flinching and closing off. Not often, but it's miles ahead of where I used to be. I can hold an epipen. I can use safety gear to dispose of abandoned needles outside my work. I don't think I could give myself an injection if I needed to, because I know I still lock up, but the idea of someone else doing one on me isn't viscerally repellant.

So... not cured here yet, but better.

TLDR: Baby steps, keep trying, pay attention to your body, celebrate successes.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Taking steps to confront a phobia has to be a choice. Forcing someone else to confront their phobia when they ARE NOT READY, WILLING, OR PREPARED is incredibly distressing and can make things way worse. And with how completely fucking miserable and exhausting a panic response feels, choosing not to "just confront it" is a totally valid and understandable choice. Like choosing not to run a 100 mile marathon barefoot. If you find yourself tempted to trick or pressure someone into amateur exposure therapy, don't. I'll fucking find you

Again, this is just what's been working for me, but if you wanna try it, I wish you luck! ♡

#Needles cw #Syringes cw #Medical cw #Phobias #trypanophobia #Teaboot

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daydreamersache · 2 years

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just a warning that I will be INSUFFERABLE if Steve Harrington dies

#not even joking like I've been actively looking for spoilers so i can know if anything happens to him #i need to mentally and emotionally prepare myself if something happens to him #also getting back together with nancy would just be throwing their development out of the window #just keep everyone alive and I'll be happy

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piyo-piyo-vania · 2 years

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And Leon. If youre upcfor it

1 - Bi.

2 - OTP: Sara.

3 - BROTP: Elisabetha & Mathias, oh and Joachim I guess.

4 - NOTP: Walter. This is just because I refuse to ship Walter with anyone and pretend to be happy or neutral on it.

5 - No sense of direction, easily lost, cries when lost.

6 - One way I relate: I run into things completely unprepared.

7 - Like Julius, his fashion, but more specifically that one random bit of armour on his arm.

8 - Problematic roll, cinnamon fave, spice it up.

#owner wjb #wjb rambles #sobbing this made me realize i skipped part on Julius #I'll answer the other later I just...do not know. how I. well.#i don't know how I headcanon the character and I need to emotionally prepare myself for the notp.

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pastryland · 7 months

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f1 completed fic recommendations

F1 fics are the main reason I got into this fandom and I figured I should share some (or so so many) fics that I like. While I do primarily follow Lando/Oscar and Charles/Carlos, I do read fics from other ships especially if they're from an author I like or the concept is interesting.

I have way too many fics (100+ though not all are completed) bookmarked so I'll just share my absolute favorites on this post and link posts of individual ships on their own posts. Also, I will continually keep updating this post and the other ones as fics complete and I read more.

If any of the authors of the fics mentioned here or are tagged and don't want their fics to be here, please let me know and I'll remove it!

❤️ = favorite

⭐️ = I love fics by this author in general

❌ = triggering themes

🔥 = explicit

Absolute Favorite Fics:

the trials of 2022 - 33k - Charles Leclerc/Carlos Sainz Jr - ❤️ ⭐️ 🔥

A partial summary of the 2022 season, as told by Charles or Carlos, following each race.

This would be my all-time favorite F1 fic if I had to choose, only rivaled by its currently unfinished sequel and the second fic here. Charles's and Carlos's relationship in this fic is so organic and realistic and the chemistry is incredibly tangible. The angst, tension, the emotion in this fic is delectable, beautiful writing by @/f1-stuff. Even if you aren't into this ship, I implore you to try this fic out.

the end of the strain - 19k - Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg, Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel - ❤️

They didn't end up together in the end, which he had already prepared for in his heart. Lewis, in seven parts.

For the first time ever reading any fic of any fandom, I had to lie on the floor for a couple minutes to process the emotional damage this fic gave me. The characterizations of all the people are on point and the relationships are heartbreaking and devastating in all the right ways. If you want to cry or lie on the floor and contemplate love like I did, this is the fic for you.

Negative Splits - 10k - Lando Norris/Oscar Piastri - ❤️ ⭐️

So officially, Oscar Piastri, pretty good steepler and pretty bad pacer, was now a professional runner. They wanted him to steeple, mostly, though he’d be doing cross country in the fall, and Lando had pinky promised him, mid-distance guy to mid-distance guy, that if he wanted to get into the 3k flat indoor then he would get him in. Oscar didn’t really want to ask how he planned on doing that. Felt safer not to ask.

@/ocontraire is the queen of Sports AU's for the F1 boys (go check out her other fics too! They're also incredible). As an athlete myself, the mentalities of both Lando and Oscar are relatable to me, though I'm also fascinated by the differences in various sports. This fic is certainly on the more lighthearted side (emotionally at least) and I thoroughly enjoy Lando and Oscar's friendship/relationship and its development.

induction, consolidation, maintenance - 6k - Pierre Gasly/Charles Leclerc - ❤️ ❌

In which Charles is sick, Pierre is desperate, and he wishes he didn't have to do what he's doing to pay for Charles to have a chance.

Piarles is certainly not a ship that I read often, but this fic caught my eye and I'm certainly glad that I read it. Pierre's and Charles's relationship is quite cute, though I mainly love Pierre's desperation to save Charles no matter what. He is willing to do anything, the world could burn for all he cares, to make sure Charles is healthy again and it got me heavily in the feels.

glitch - 26k - Max Verstappen/Charles Leclerc - ❤️ ⭐️

Max hums. “Well, at least that means I won’t bump into Charles Leclerc again.” “Bummer, really,” Daniel says, moving back to his own seat and drinking the little bit of coffee that was still in the cup. “Could’ve been the start of a great love story.” Lando snorts. “Kids, it all started when I told your father, who had won two World Driver Championships at that point, that he sucked at driving.” Max sticks his middle finger up at them, and pulls his noise canceling headphones back over his ears. Only two hours left to go, he thinks, wistfully, and goes back to work.

I mainly read @/nyoomfruits's fics because of Landoscar, though this Lestappen fic took me completely by surprise. I adore the romcom vibes of this whole fic and Daniel and Lando are so hilarious and chaotic. Max's personality fits so well in this fic as an unbothered IT guy, but completely loses his composure when he meets Charles, his favorite F1 driver.

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tears0fsatan · 1 year

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Hey there. ^^ May I ask for some angst oneshots?

"Look at me, you're safe. And you're not alone, and I'll never let you be alone again, you understand?"- Beelzebub

"I made you cry, and I hate myself for that. I swore I wouldn't be one of the people who left you hurting." - Lucifer

"I can't take the very though of you getting hurt. " - Satan

"Please, tell me why you're upset. Tell me who did this?" - Asmodeus

Ty if you do. ^^

-🥀

✦ ⊹ ˚˖ warnings... gn!reader (no pronouns used), relationship between the charas aren't specified, angst / comfort, mention of violence (asmo), small mention of blood (asmo), slightly suggestive (asmo), possessive language (asmo), reader has a panic attack (beel)

in loving memory of 🥀 anon.

LUCIFER !

it was an accident, truly. his patient mask had slipped and cracked, along with it came a flurry of insults he hurled at the nearest living soul in the heat of the moment.

he was harshly pulled out of his aggravated stupor upon seeing who his unfortunate victim was. now, lucifer was emotionally constipated by all means, however he was not a fool nor was he heartless. he realised what he said was hurtful, the kind of harshness one couldn't take back.

you spared him a final glance before turning on your heels and sauntering out the room, leaving the demon to wallow in his regret.

the lucifer prior to your arrival in devildom would've laughed at the emotional vulnerability, thinking that showing such dramatics would get you nowhere. he believed that he was a being above emotional outbursts.

fortunately, he knew better now. he was aware that his mindset was skewed and he worked hard to change for the better.

for once, the demon felt... lost and scatterbrained. he wanted to chase after you and apologise, confound what the others would think about his desperation. he would happily bring down the moon and the stars if you simply asked him to, even if it meant putting aside his pride.

yet, he wasn't sure if you wanted him to do that. he knew it was right to give you time and space, but was that something you wanted?

lords, this was bringing back his anxiety from his younger days.

he knew that he needed to apologise, one way or another. the only problem was, he didn't know how. should he go grand? bring you a bouquet of your favourite flowers and order all your favourite desserts from déjà vu or was that too much? should he prepare what he would say or would that seem insincere?

"fuck, what an utter fool." lucifer growled out to himself, two fingers rubbing circles on his forehead. "thousands of years alive and yet this is what causes you grievance?"

he figured that his best option was to apologise now, the sooner he did, the quicker he could work on fixing what he screwed up. so, he did his best to think of what he could say that wouldn't come off as tone deaf on his way to your room.

however, when faced with your swollen, red rimmed eyes and the tear tracks that trailed down your cheeks, all the words he had prepared disappeared from his mind. his mouth remained tightly shut as he took in your dishevelled appearance, regret piling up in his mind.

"i made you cry, and i hate myself for that. i swore i wouldn't be one of the people who left you hurt, and i apologise for not up holding my word." the words flowed out of him before his mind registered what was happening.

in the midst of his apology, he had wound up squeezing his eyes shut, his embarrassment and remorse getting the better of him. he heard you take in a deep breath, probably processing the uncharacteristic apology that spilled past his lips.

the silence shared between the two of you was deafening, shit, maybe this was too abrupt? maybe he should've given you more time...

before he could spiral further into his thoughts, your quiet voice reached his ears, "thank you, um, maybe we could, uh, talk it out in the morning?"

SATAN !

things between you and satan had been rocky recently. the two of you had an argument over something small and in the end, both of your tempers had blown it out of proportion. what started out as a silly, offhand comment turned into a hiccup in your relationship.

it had been days since the two of you last spoke to each other, it went to the extent that neither of you glanced at the other when paths crossed at school and at home.

obviously, it wasn't hard for the other brothers to pick up the weird tension between the two of you, mammon even going as far as to pull satan aside to ask him what the deal was with the tense atmosphere surrounding the two of you.

though, after learning about what caused the rift in your relationship, the brothers decided to stay out of it, which admittedly did disappoint satan, just a tiny bit. they told him that this was his problem to deal with, and while he did agree, he was hoping mammon or leviathan could've talked to you.

days slowly turned into a week and there was still no sign of an apology from either one of you. little by little, old habits were making their way back into satan's life.

he found himself spending most of his time holed up in his room, novel in hand and surrounded by the comfort of his books. despite how nonchalant he looked, in reality, he hadn't been reading the novel at all, mind lost in ways he could make up things with you.

a loud crash echoed throughout the near empty house, causing the unfocused demon to look up in shock. he knew that all of his brothers weren't home and that you were the only other living soul in the house at the time.

that made him spring up to his feet immediately, discarding his book somewhere beside him and rushing out the door to find you.

he was quick to find you, on the floor of the kitchen surrounded by numerous pots and pans. thankfully, it didn't seem as though you sustained a serious injury.

regardless, he rushed towards you with a new found urgency. "are you okay?" satan hurriedly asked, quickly looking over your appearance to see if you had injured yourself.

an uneasy silence took over, neither of you wanting to relent and start the conversation.

"i can't take the very thought of you getting hurt." satan muttered quietly, deciding to take the initiative and break the stillness that had washed over the two of you.

you finally made eye contact with the demon and the hesitance in your action made his eyebrows twitch in sadness? guilt? regret? maybe it would've been more accurate to say it was a cocktail of all those emotions combined.

"well, i'm not hurt so... you don't have to look at me like that." your voice held no malice, instead it was filled with awkwardness, much like your voice back when you first came to devildom. it felt like a punch to the gut, honestly.

nevertheless, satan felt relieved, in a way. at least the hard part was over and now all that was needed was a good long chat.

ASMODEUS !

a wolf whistle echoed from behind you when you twirled around in front of asmodeus' mirror, checking yourself out in the outfit he picked out for you. from where asmodeus sat on his bed behind you, he was openly eyeing you like you were his prey.

he skipped his way towards you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pressing a trail of kisses down your jaw and neck. "you look so pretty, hon! i could eat you up right here, right now!"

your giggle drew him out from where he had buried his face in the juncture of your neck and shoulder. "asmo, we're gonna be late." you sweetly reminded him, which resulted in a whine from the demon.

however, with a few grumbles under his breath, asmodeus relented. he wanted more than anything to have your sole attention on him and play with him all night long, but he couldn't lie to himself, an entire crowd of peoples attention on him was just a tad bit more tempting.

"you have to promise to play with me allllll night long tomorrow, okay?" the demon drawled out, holding both of your hands in his and looking at you with the biggest, wettest puppy eyes he could muster.

your loud laugh and bashful expression did make him hesitate, but luckily, you were already tugging him out the door.

hours later, asmodeus found himself in a buzz, surrounded by succubi and incubi alike, pressing themselves against him. he relished in the attention they were giving him, all of their lust and desire only fuelling on his drunken haze.

he had lost sight of you not long after arriving at the location of the party, got swept away by his adoring fans. he figured you were fine, you could handle a party, right?

that was until a commotion brought him back to his senses. he attempted to ignore it at first, it was probably another dumb brutish brawl between the succubi and incubi, nothing to be worried about. it was only when he heard something oddly similar to the sound of your crying did he take an interest in what transpired.

he rushed past the crowd of demons, no longer in a state of intoxication.

"asmo.. i'm sorry." the demon watched the tears fall down your face, his heart cracking at sight of you so distressed and drenched in demonous.

asmodeus shook his head with a new found urgency and closed the distance between the two of you. his vanity cried out at the feeling of the sticky alcohol against his clothes and skin, ruining his usual perfect image.

"honey please, tell me why you're upset. tell me, who did this?" yet, his sin, his bloodlust, flared at the gall of whichever lowly being did this to his precious human.

he tried his best at holding back his rage, his demon form ready to make its appearance. he would murder them, tear them apart limb from limb. he wanted to see them bleed, he wanted to see them beg for mercy. he would make sure they paid for what they had done to you, to what was his.

"the outfit- it's ruined... i'm sorry." your voice shook despite asmo's attempts to calm you down. it broke his heart to hear you so hung up over the fact that the outfit he handpicked for you was ruined, rather than the state you were in.

"darling, that's not what i'm worried about..." asmodeus looked at the demons surrounding him and you, making sure to look each of them in the eye. "let's get you all cleaned up, hm? there's a new face mask that i got and wanted to try with you!"

BEELZEBUB !

a human food bazaar was opening in devildom's plaza and no one was more determined to run the stalls dry of their stock than beelzebub. he had heard from a few reliable sources (definitely not barbatos and solomon) that there would be a variety of traditional foods from countries all across the human realm and who would be better at tasting all assortment of foods than the avatar of gluttony himself?

of course, he wouldn't go alone, he would need a companion to accompany him on this journey and there was only one candidate in mind, you. you weren't one to deny him either, not when his eyes were practically sparkling and drool had begun to pool in the corners of his mouth.

with that, the two of you had set off for your trip into the plaza. the crowd had been larger than beelzebub expected, so even though he wanted nothing more than to go on a rampage and absolutely annihilate the stall's stock, he came here to enjoy a day off with you.

he tightly gripped your hand, worried you would get lost within the sea of demons. he felt you squeeze his hand and when he turned back to look at you, you were already looking at him with a smile gracing your face.

"beel, honey, there's no rush. there'll be enough for you when we make our rounds." the demon felt himself calm down at the gentle reminder, the unnoticed tension in his shoulder slowly easing. he offered you a smile of his own before pulling you towards a stall that caught his eye.

this continued on for over an hour and you were at your limit. you had told beelzebub that you would find a place to sit and rest nearby, despite the puppy eyes he flashed you. he had waited to see where you sat down before running off the more stalls, this time with the thought to bring snacks the two of you could eat together.

when he returned with the snacks in hand, you were nowhere to be found. a panic immediately set in and a million thoughts raced through his head, where did you go? did you go willingly? were you okay? had someone hurt you?

he didn't know what to do, where to go from here. in his frenzied state, he put all his focus into his hearing, in hopes he could identify the sound of your voice amongst the sea of demons.

after a few minutes of adjusting to all the noise, he zeroed in on the sound of your sniffle not too far where he was located. he relied on the sound of your laboured breathing to track down where you had curled into yourself behind a wall, away from the main crowd.

the demon didn't waste time and rushed towards you. the way your breathing seemed frantic and your heartbeat was worryingly fast had him checking all over you, to make sure you weren't hurt physically.

"look at me, you're safe. you're not alone, and i'll never let you be alone again, okay?" beelzebub tried his best to say what he thought would help calm you down, his own anxiety beginning to build up. his first thought was to get his brothers, maybe lucifer or satan would know how to help, but the second you felt him pull away, your hands tightly clung onto his sleeve.

with your eyes screwed shut, you shook your head rapidly, "no, don't- don't leave, please."

no amount of hunger could prepare beelzebub for the pain of hearing you beg for him to stay. he could only watch and rub circles on your back as you tightly screwed your eyes shut in an attempt to control your breathing.

he held you in his arms until you calmed down, the only remains of your panic attack being your cheeks sticky with tears. you chuckled and wiped your eyes before glancing at the long forgotten snacks on the ground, "i'm sorry for ruining today, i got overwhelmed from the amount of people here."

beelzebub shook his head vigorously, "you didn't ruin anything. i had fun spending the day with you, even if we didn't eat everything."

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magicaldragons · 5 months

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'in the name of pain and outrage'

an analysis of the ending

I say this with utmost love, but episode 16 was a shitshow.

i walked into this show accepting it at face value – a show that would take itself lightly, with a compelling subplot marinated in humor, and a dose of sweet romance.

this show tried to include very mature, sobering themes with slapstick humor, which is definitely possible if balanced properly, but i feel this show was not able to achieve this the way do bong soon or others could.

to get some of the discrepancies out of the way:

they never told us that the women's senses were connected, geum joo should not have been able to feel namsoon's thirst – that's something they abruptly added to fuel the tension of the situation.

there is absolutely no reason nam soon would react like that to the drug, when you compare it to how every other user was affected by it.

the strength exerted by gil-joongan did not feel like enough to knock her out like that

and with how easy it would've been to leave the situation, it's very obvious that nam soon taking the drug was an ill-planned way to raise the stakes and increase suspense

the homeless couple truly had nothing of value to add to the show or it's message

none of the show's themes or messages were delivered properly towards the end, and it went against everything it preached.

the immediate tone change after ryu si-o's death did not do any justice to the effort put into his characterization

i do not understand how nam soon became a cop, all technicalities considered

why was she throwing humans out a window from the second floor, even if they're criminals??

they REALLY cheapened the whole marriage conversation by bringing money, property, and heirs into it. that was NOT romantic or wholesome. hee-sik deserves better parents, tf.

side note: i'm pretty disappointed with namsoon's character arc, but lee yoo mi worked within the purview of the script to give us honestly wonderful acting, especially in episode 15.

now, to get into the ending, i'll start with this:

what we got, felt like an empty victory. hollow and out of place.

i've always been an advocate for all parts of a show coming together to create an experience – there's usually no single keystone.

but as soon as si-o died, the rest of the episode felt like a blur, with all loose ends being succinctly wrapped up and prepared for season three. byeon woo seok, and his characterization really carried the show as a unit, and added to its cohesiveness. i did not find myself rooting for geum joo and nam soon's successes afterwards

because they had failed the ONE thing most of us had been hoping for them to do:

to save people who were victims of oppression from those with the power of money, and empower them, including to save si-o from his oppressors, and help him take down pavel.

there is no satisfaction in geum joo doing it by herself, because she has no emotional investment in destroying pavel.

losing hwaja and si-o, watching namsoon & heesik become one dimensional all of a sudden, and seeing tertiary unrelated characters having their loose ends tied, is extremely unsatisfactory – for a show that had an incredible cast and so much potential.

at the same time: i loved the portreyal of gil joongan's mission to help the elderly and her enthusiasm for her future, and the addition of binbin + looking into their past from an additional angle also really elevated the emotional context of si-o's character arc.

i loved each character, truly, and to not see the plot and writers give them the detail and care they deserve, is wholly disappointing.

the show took me on a whole journey, emotionally,,,but to know exactly what would make it better, and be aware of its discrepancies makes me grieve the potential it had to truly leave an impact on its viewers, with a solid takeaway message.

#there are so many thoughts in my head #but it's messy #just like episode 16 #strong girl nam soon #ryu sio #byeon woo seok #gang namsoon #lee yoo mi #kang heesik #ong seongwoo #kdrama

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thatlittleegyptologist · 8 months

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ok so I'm pretty drunk and I sorta have to get this out before my not drunk self bottles it all back up. (and this is heavy so if you are even remotely not prepared to deal with it, please for the love of god do not read it. I'll delete it shortly anyway when I've pulled myself together. This is, in a way, catharsis.)

I'm not fine. I am so far from fine it's not even funny. Honestly I wish people would stop asking because do you think I'm fine??? No.

My mother is dying. A somewhat slow and painful death from cancer. They stopped treatment in March since there was nothing more they could do after nine years. She has a tumour, attached to the main artery in her neck. It's the size of a cantaloupe melon. It used to be the size of a dough ball. Anyway, that's pulling on her heart. It also bleeds and because it's on an artery, it...sprays and if it does that more than once in a 48 hour period she will die. Twice, since June, we've been told she's got hours to live. I know many of you have never had to prepare for the death of a parent, to guard yourself for the inevitable, but it's A Lot. Then, when she pulls through, by a fucking miracle you can't even grasp at the time, you have to recentre yourself and it's so fucking hard. Two weeks ago we were called in to say our goodbyes to her. She was heavily sedated, when we arrived we thought she was already dead. Arterial spray arched on the walls because it'd happened barely 30 minutes earlier and they thought it was better for us to get in there before she went than to clean up. The image haunts me. She's still with us two weeks later, but she's so doped up on meds she's hallucinating. The room smells like antiseptic and various bodily fluids and I will never get that smell out of my mind. That will stay with me until my own death. Some days she's lucid, and on other days she barely knows who we are. I can't sit there and watch her have to be moved by nurses at the hospice because if she moves herself she could have a bleed. I can't stand trying to have a conversation and then losing her to the morphine. I am tired. I am emotionally wrung out. People expect me to be okay and then can't handle it when I say I'm not. It is zero fucking fun to have people promise to be there for you, but as soon as you say it's too hard they fucking flake. Spending every day barely holding on. I've got nothing left in me and yet every few days I come across another person who knows her who isn't aware of what's happening and I have to go through the whole experience of explaining how she won't make it to christmas and I can't do it anymore. I'm emotionally wrung out from trying to be present for the family and then trying to appear semi normal to everyone else. I cannot take another 'she's got hours to live'. It's been three times since June and I simply cannot anymore.

Next week is my parents 40th wedding anniversary and they're holding it this weekend because the doctors are too scared she won't make it to then. I don't even know if I should get a card or whether it'll not be worth it.

I'm tired. I'm done. I simply cannot take anymore 'I'm so sorry this is the hardest thing you'll ever do' because I know and I can't hear it any longer. I want it to go away because maybe I won't fear my phone ringing. Maybe I'll sleep more than three hours a night. Maybe I'll eat properly again. Maybe I'll be able to get through the day without hospice staff, whose entire job this is, feeling pity because even they know that three months of protracted 'it's any day now' is more than most people deal with there.

I am done. I can't do it anymore.

#cancer tw

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 4 months

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Kinou Nani tabeta. aka My Heart is Full aka I suck at titles

Let me just say before anything else. This is not a recap or a review. This is me feeling the need to write down my feelings because they are pouring out of me. This is more a personal note than anything else so skip it if that's not your thing.

I always watch this show on saturday mornings, with my coffee and breakfast, because it gives me a boost for the weekend. And I wanted to postpone the final episode as much as possible but I just couldn't. I gave in.

Second FYI. This will probably be incoherent and a mess because that's how I feel. Also, this fucking menopause (surgical, don't give me too many extra years) is really making a mess of my emotional state this week, so I'm all over the place. Also I might've had some wine. Also this may be a bit long. I think that's it.

How I got here

So, I've loved cinema since I was like 7. (yeah I'm going really back in time) Because my mom like films, she dragged to the cinema even when I was way too young for whatever was on. [ Fun Side note- The first film that I saw in the cinema was Bram Stoker's Dracula, when I was like 6, and my mum got into an argument with the cinema employee because" I am her mother, and I'll decide what she can or can't watch"and so I did watch it.]

So I always loved watching films, talking about them and eventually went to uni to learn how to make them. During that time, I went through a phase (which happened to a couple other people in my school) where I kinda got emotionally detached from the stories. I could only see the camera angles, the lighting, the editing, etc.

When I was done with uni, and had decided that editing was my favourite thing I started doing a bit of work in editing, mostly online stuff and a couple of ads in London, and 3 years later I was done. Obviously there were life factors and health factors that contributed to this, but still I left it all behind.

Then, I quickly went back to being able to watch stories with all the emotions.

Let's skip forward to present day.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? feel in my lap by way of my very first BL. Seven Days. I watched those films and went through all the emotions and needed more. More of that serotonin please.

So I got in research mode and that's when I found this wonderful world of BL and eventually this show.

Now, a little bit more about me, just in case you aren't sick of me talking about myself. I'm not a jolly person. If you asked anyone that knows me irl, they would describe me as someone who always thinks the sky is falling. However, I also love a lot of things deeply, and when it comes to things that I can't find a word big enough for it I call it magic. So I'll use it here.

Kinou Nani Tabeta? is magic.

If this show was a meal then the absolutely right ingredients were found, they were put in the hands of the best cooks and everything was prepared with love and care. This show that I love, was put together by people who love it, and couldn't not make it. This is what I believe. It's my kind of faith.

I've seen so many shows, I've loved so many of them, a lot of them touched me deeply. But only a few touched me this way.

When there is love in something, real care and empathy in the making of something, you can feel it, I believe. And I feel it so much watching this show. I get emotional just writing this.

I wish I could thank every single person that made this show possible. And we could argue all day about the quality of a show, its actors, writers or directors. I could argue why my favourite show is better than your favourite show, and why your show is more important than my show, and why that show failed and another succeeded. I will not argue about the importance of this show and my faith is unshakable.

Maybe because I love food so much and in my life my love filled moments were always around food, I connected at first with Kenji, because his reactions to food resemble mine. But this season Shiro stole my heart and soul. His quiet but profound way of loving Kenji made cry more than any sad scene ever could. And onions and chicken thighs will forever have deeper meaning in my kitchen. These two characters are so well written and so well acted, the words are so layered and so meaningful, that it's a miracle to me that it exists and that I got to watch it.

I'm sure other people will write much better posts about this show, and will probably be better (at a hell of a lot more on point) at writing about all the amazing things that this show has done. But I'm an emotional wreck and I could only write from a personal place today.

I'll be rewatching this show in it's entirety soon, because the evolution of these characters, Shiro specially, was such a joy to witness.

If you read this far, thank you. 💜

#kinou nani tabeta?#what did you eat yesterday?#what did you eat yesterday S2 #it has never been so hard to hit the post button #i'm having so many feeling about posting this #i'm a wreck right now

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