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canirove · 1 year

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I don’t like you, Mason Mount | Chapter 8

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"Ok, Lola. Are you ready for your present?"

"Yes!"

"The first part is here" I say, giving her a tablet.

"What do I do?"

"Just press play."

"Hello Lola, Merry Christmas!"

"Oh my God, it's Mason!" she screams.

"I hope you are enjoying the holidays with your family, give them all a hug from me. To your untie too" he says with a wink. "Anyway, I've heard that you now have a new favourite player, that I don't own that honour anymore. But I am not mad, don't worry."

"How does he..."

"Keep watching" I tell her.

"I still think I'm better than him, but hey" Mason shrugs. "You should know that he feels very lucky to be your favourite player now, but what if he tells you himself? Dec, come here!"

"Hello mate. And hello Lola, Merry Christmas" Declan says, showing up next to Mason. "Hope you are good."

"She's having a heart attack" my dad laughs.

"Thank you for choosing me as your favourite player, I hope I don't disappoint you."

"Nah, you won't" Mason says.

"Thanks bro" Declan chuckles. "So, we have a little gift for you and your family, Lola."

"This" Mason says, showing some tickets on camera.

"We would love it if you all came to watch us play on Boxing Day, maybe even have a chat after the game" Declan says.

"No way!" Lola screams, her eyes growing wider and wider.

"And when we say the whole family, we mean all of you. You too, auntie" Mason says with a smile, making me roll my eyes. Again, because I have already watched the video. I wanted to make sure they didn't say anything stupid.

"I look forward to meeting you, Lola" Declan says.

"And Merry Christmas!" both of them say at the same time, the video ending with that.

"Auntie... Is this true? Are we going to the West Ham-Chelsea?"

"We are" I say, showing her the tickets.

"Oh my God!" she screams again, jumping at me to hug me.

"You are like the best aunt ever. Ever, ever, ever!"

"Thank you, Lola. But if you keep squeezing me like that, I won't be the best aunt for too long" I chuckle.

"Sorry, sorry. Are you coming too?"

"I am. And I am wearing my Mount shirt. If I can find it."

"You'll wear Mason's, and I'll wear Declan's! We'll be matching! Isn't that perfect, mum?"

"It is, darling" she says, looking at me and trying to figure out what the hell is going on.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"I can't believe you kept all this from me, you little bitch!" Monica says, hitting my arm.

"Ouch!"

"You deserve it! I thought that after everything you went through over the summer, you would share something like this with me! Like, you freaking met again, and it actually was a coincidence!"

"I know."

"And things weren't weird! You behaved normal!"

"We did" I say.

"Urgh, Dani! You know what this means, right? You are getting a second chance! This is what I told you! If destiny brings you back together, it's because you belong together!"

"Aren't you getting a bit too excited?"

"Maybe I am, yes. But I am just so happy for you! This was the reason why you had that little smile these past days!"

"What?"

"You probably haven't noticed, but I have. I know you better than yourself, remember?"

"I just... Ok. Yes. Maybe since we met again, I feel like this weight on my chest has lifted."

"Ah!" Monica says, hugging me just like Lola did.

"I would like to be able to go to that match. Can you please let go?"

"Yes, yes, sorry. I can't wait to see you with his shirt. Imagine if he scores and dedicates you the goal!"

"He has a girlfriend." One with whom he may be having trouble judging by the way his face changed at the bookstore when I mentioned her, but his girlfriend still.

"He has. But he also has feelings for you. He wouldn't have gotten us those tickets and recorded that video if he didn't."

"You think?"

"Yes, I do. Now let's go find that shirt, God knows where you put it. It will definitely need a good ironing."

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Lola, darling. Breathe” my sister chuckles.

“Yes, yes, sorry. I just can’t believe I am meeting you!” she says to Declan. After the game, they did as promise and met us to have a chat. Though so far, only Declan and Lola are talking.

“Would you like me to sign your shirt?” Declan asks her.

“I would love that! Do we have a pen?”

“I don’t. Dani?” Monica asks me.

“Nope.”

“It’s ok, I’m sure someone has one in the changing room. Why don’t you guys come with me? I can give you a little tour” Declan offers.

“Yes! Can we, mum?”

“Of course. Dad?”

“That would be nice. Daniela?” he asks me.

“I…”

“I think she should wait here with Mason” Declan says. “Someone has to stay with him, I don’t want him to get lost.”

“I’m not a child, Dec” he replies, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but do you remember what happened the last time you came? You got lost. I trust Daniela, I’m sure she can take care of you. Shall we, guys?”

“Wait, what?” I say. But before I can properly protest, they all are gone and it is just Mason and I standing in the middle of a corridor.

“He did that on purpose.”

“You think?” I say, rolling my eyes. “Do you at least know where the exit is? We can wait for them outside.”

“It is freezing cold outside. Why don’t we wait at the bar?”

“Ok, fine.”

“My shirt looks really nice on you” Mason says after walking in silence for a couple of minutes.

“Thank you” I reply, looking anywhere but at him. “Are you sure you know where we are going?”

“Yeah, we are… shit” he says when we make it to an emergency exit.

“Dear God, Mason. We are lost.”

“No, we are not. We are just a bit…”

“Lost?” I chuckle.

“We’ll find our way back, don’t worry. We just have to follow the same route but backwards.”

“Do you remember it?”

“I…”

“We are lost. They are going to close the stadium with us inside.”

“Nah, Dec and your family would not allow that.”

“What? After setting us up? C’mon, Mason. You aren’t that stupid.”

“Wait, did you just compliment me?” he asks with a cheeky smile.

“Don’t get used to it.”

“And was that a smile? Oh, my God. It’s a late Christmas miracle!”

“Shut up!” I say, hitting his arm.

“She’s mean and she’s violent. Wow.”

“This is nothing compared with what I can do. Besides basketball, I also did some karate when I was a kid.”

“Did you?” he says with a smile that makes his dimple pop, making me want to kiss it. Wait, what? “You are staring.”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are staring. At my mouth. Do you want to kiss me?” he says, taking a step closer.

“I wasn’t staring at your mouth, I was just looking at your cheek. And why would I want to kiss you?”

“I don’t know” he shrugs, taking another step forward and getting closer to me. “Maybe you were thinking about my car in Portugal.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Yeah, sure. Then why are you blushing?”

“I am not blushing.”

“Yes, you are Daniela. Your cheeks,” he says, touching my face and making my heart skip a bit “are as red as United’s shirt.”

“They are not” I whisper.

“I want to kiss you” he says, his face very close to mine while his thumb caresses my cheek.

“And I don’t want you to kiss me.”

“Because you want to kiss me?”

“I don’t kiss people I don’t like.”

“Sure” he says, his lips brushing against mine.

“Mason…”

“That’s my name.”

“I…” And I’m not able to say anything else. I can’t resist it anymore, and I kiss him.

#mason mount #mason mount fanfic #mason mount imagine #football imagine #football fanfic

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kurisus · 4 months

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Noragami reread: Volume 25, 26 & 27 thoughts

The last of the reread thoughts. Until the next reread (I'll still use the same tag!), and see you with the release of the final chapter shortly. Until then, I'll be mostly off the grid.

Volume 25 is...absolutely brutal. It starts right off with Yuka clearly seeing Hiyori as similar to her mother (aka someone who smiled her way through problems), then we get a flashback of Yukine's father finding the letters and ripping them up in front of him. The most chilling part is that he said he knew all along what was in them, but Yukine isn't even listening. And then there's the page of sound effects followed by an unsettling silence. I just. ANOTHER TOP 10 MOST GUTTING MOMENTS OF NORAGAMI. (Maybe I will actually compile a list.)

Nora goes back to trash dad because even though she's figured out he's full of shit, she still craves the love of a parent--she wasn't ever alive long enough to have it, so that yearning will never go away. So when he calls for her with a fake apology, she's never heard that from him before and believes him, and gets swept up in the moment of working as they used to. But the illusion is broken, and that's why she eventually turns on him.

Yato's struggle to get Yukine back contrasts beautifully with trash dad's backstory--a story about how the world is mean, and cruel, and you have to fight to survive because everyone's just in it for themselves. Trash dad is projecting his anger onto Yukine because he never had a father figure to look up to, but Yukine does now--Yato.

Yukine realizes this in what is still probably the most beautiful scene in the manga (although him asking Yato about him being buried is tied). I cried so many tears over this, and I will continue to do so.

Trash dad in Yomi with Izanami is a super interesting scene because of how casual she is with him. She sits with him a while, seemingly never pressures him to dine with her, and willingly tells him all about shinki and ayakashi while asking him about his own past. At the end of this, he steals the brush from her and escapes. When we see Izanami in the current story where Yato and Ebisu encounter her, she's desperate for a friend and keeps pushing food on them. So my guess is that back then, she was a lot more hospitable (or maybe just because she knew humans aren't allowed to leave Yomi), but him stealing from her and escaping caused her to become even more lonely and distrustful.

Likewise, what Father says about the brush naming shinki is very interesting too. The law of Yomi supercedes the law of heaven as far as spirits are concerned, because she was the first person to try naming ayakashi. Since Hagusa and Mizuchi were both named as corrupted spirits, the names bestowed by the brush can't be removed by Amaterasu. Could Izanami remove them? Probably.

That makes me wonder if, in the final chapter, because the brush is destroyed they will lose those names. It doesn't really matter, though, because (a) Yukine already made the choice to become a stray. That won't change. Same with Mizuchi, even if she'd personally gone around and begged every god to release her. But (b) both of them were pushed into this choice by a master manipulator, one who is dead and won't be able to control them anymore. And (c) Yukine, at least, has found his forever master. Mizuchi is...a little lost in that regard, but I'm hoping the fan theory that Kofuku names her comes true.

Not a lot from volumes 26 and 27, but I didn't notice before that trash dad separated himself from Fujisaki so he woke up, but how did his lifeline to Father get cut? I assume they'll explain it in the last chapter--maybe Yato stopped by? He's unable to talk super well (probably because he's feeling some of the effects of decapitation) but he would still remember the name...but that also fades as he talks to the police.

Side note, I love that his birth date is omitted in his student ID. The month and date, not just the year. Adachitoka said NO celebrating Fujisaki's birthday for you.

Now that I'm not distressed and angry about the Hiyori shinki thing (because I know it was reversed), I want to comment that I wish she had said, like, a single word while she was a shinki. Wondering where she is, or who that girl's body is, or something. I do just wish this whole business hadn't happened in the first place, but it is what it is. Since it was undone, it's not a dealbreaker.

As for my other ending hangups--I think Yukine's father won't have his fate mentioned, or maybe just a quick mention that he's dead. There's a point in Yukine's Hagusa arc where he decides his father isn't worth his time, basically, and the official translation talks about forgiveness. But it's not really forgiveness, it's just accepting that getting revenge won't do anything now.

Still kind of wish Hiyori and Bishamon had had more to do in the final arc, still think it's a bit funny that the gods started slaughtering humans only for them to go back to normal like 10 minutes later, don't really care that much though. As long as the trio stays alive and trash dad stays dead, I'll take it.

Discord reactions:

#live update #Noragami reread #GoodbyeNoragami

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rodolfoparras · 1 month

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This is very different than what I usually send but I'm planning on moving in with a friend so I can get away from my unsupportive family and can finally start somewhat transitioning

However I'm scared to take T because as much as I hate how transphobic/homophobic my family is, I still want to talk with my mom at least. But if I take T, I won't be able to because it'll affect my voice and I don't really want her to know I'm trans

Ik I probably should cut my family off so I can be myself but that seems so scary and I feel bad for my mom because 3 of my older siblings cut her off completely and Ive seen how much it hurts her. Like ik she's not some innocent angel that's done no wrong but still she's my mom and her not being a part of my live is terrifying

Also I'll have to leave my cat behind because I'm moving to the city and she is NOT a city cat, she needs a big property to run around outside in and I'm not gonna take her to a little apartment, that'd be mean. I'm just gonna miss her a lot, my friend has a cat though and I'll probably be able to get a cat myself once I'm there but yk, not quite the same

Sorry for such a serious topic I just needed to get some of these fears off my chest ig

-🌱

Sugar I’m going to say the best advice I’ve ever heard and it’s that you live for yourself, one day your parents won’t be around anymore and you’ll be standing there like what now ?

I say this as the biggest people pleaser, biggest whatever, we want to make our parents proud and have their love but one day they’ll be dead and you’ll be standing at their grave living a life you don’t want and what then? Sure you can transition at 40 I’m not saying you can’t but imagine being able to do it earlier or imagine being able to have a queer relationship at a younger age but you opt out of it because your parents won’t approve of it that to me at least sounds miserable.

And I’m not saying to take any risks when living in unsafe environments but if you’re at the point in life where you can move out then genuinely sugar do whatever the hell you want

In terms of transitioning go as slow or as fast as you want go and just gaslight her if she notices any changes in your voice, or any other changes, and when you’re at that point where it’s obvious you’re transitioning either come out or just distance yourself from her don’t have to cut her off but just minimize contact, if she accepts you great if she don’t then she can suck it

This is your life!! Imagine holding a book in your hand and the book is just about you and the decisions you make and the wishes and wants you have

Also I’m sorry you aren’t able to bring your kitty sugar :( but you can still visit the baby!! And you can get a baby in the city and they can be siblings !’🫶🏻

#alec answers #🌱 anon

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falcqns · 2 years

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𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐲

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: with you i serve, with you i fall down. watch you breathe in, watch you breathing out.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: hint of autistic!Bucky, inaccurate medical writing by me (pls dont resusitate someone by hitting and punching their chest ok), internalized homophobia but only briefly, violence, blood, hospitals, nightmares. mentions of murder, and weapons.

✰ 𝐚/𝐧: just me channelling my inner @musette22 honestly. inspired by this convo with @natashasera. will probably include a part two at some point.

to who ever reads this: don't bother asking for a part two, you won't get it. i am the owner of this fic, and this blog, and I, and only I, will decided what fic gets a part two and when. respect me and my wishes or get off my blog. thanks!

don't forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

The Asset collapsed beside The Target's body, watching it's shallow breathing. It knows it should flee, but The Target is important. not just important to it's handlers, but to The Asset as well. The Target knew The Asset, and carried an expression on its face that The Asset had never seen before.

The Target coughed, blood spurting from its mouth. The Target wheezed, and before The Asset could think about his actions, he was pulling on Steve's arm, and rolling him onto his side, maneuvering him into the recovery position.

Bucky blinked, confused. where was he? what had happened? he looked around him, and saw large skyscrapers reaching into the heavens. his breathing was now as shallow as Steve's was only moments ago, which made him look back at Steve, not being able to hear Steve's rattling chest anymore. the same rattling chest that kept him up at night, the two of them crammed into a small twin sized bed because thats all they could afford.

he pushed Steve on his back, and flesh hand shook, trying to remember what Sarah, Steve's mom and the best second parent Bucky could have asked for, taught him to do if her son ever stopped breathing. he choked out a sob, leaning down and listening for breathing. he choked out a laugh, hearing the steady rise and fall of his lungs, smooth and healthy. his eyes roamed over Steve's body, and he slowly began to piece together that had happened since the last time they were in their cozy Brooklyn apartment.

the war, the draft, the serum. the train, the metal bar breaking and plunging him into the snowy depths below. seeing Steve's break out into terror and desperation, and the ground came rushing towards him faster than a leaf falling from a tree.

he looked down, feeling warmth surround one of his knees. thick, scarlet blood was pouring from an injury on Steve's side, and there was too much blood. too much for him, even.

"fuck, Stevie," Bucky whimpered, and rolled him over. Bucky's body almost crumpled seeing the gunshot wound in Steve's side. "no, no, no," he gasped, pressing his hands to the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Steve was pale, too pale. paler than when he got tuberculosis, and Bucky lost Steve twice in one night, bringing him back each time with a combination of CPR, praying, and slapping his white skin.

"Stevie, don't do this," he begged, just like he had then. "jus' stay with me. stay with me, i'll get you help. c'mon," he said, pushing all his body weight on the wound.

suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching from behind him. his head whipped around, and his eyes landed on a man in a SHIELD uniform. hope filled his tired body, and he broke out into a smile.

"sir," he gasped for air, feeling 10 years old again, and helping Steve after some playground bullies beat him up. "i need help. i think he's bleeding out," he said.

his eyes were so focused on the other man, that he didn't notice the bleeding stop. he also didn't notice blue eyes gazing up at him, filled with love.

"h-he needs help," Bucky gasped, not understanding why the man wasn't moving. "he's gonna die, and i can't lose him, please!" he begged, and watched as the man groaned.

"man, Pierce is gonna kill me," the man groaned, and walked towards Bucky. Bucky went to smile, but all the muscles in his face relaxed and contorted into terror as the man grabbed his tac suit on the shoulder, and began to drag him away.

Bucky shook his head, a scream ripping from his throat.

"NO!" he shouted, trying to get away. "you have to help him! he's gonna die!"

the man groaned, and reached for his gun. "can't believe i got roped into doing this shit," he growled, but before he could as much as pull his gun out of his holster, he was interrupted by a deep, smooth voice.

"don't even think about it, Rumlow." Steve said, struggling to keep his voice steady, pointing his own gun at the rogue agent.

"it's not-" Rumlow began, releasing Bucky, and letting him crash onto his dislocated arm, pain shooting up his torso.

"it's not personal?" Steve growled, moaning in pain and inching closer to Rumlow, the gun pressing closer to him. "it sure feels like it. especially if you're going after the one person i'd burn the world for if it meant i could save him."

"Cap, i'm just following orders." Rumlow tried to reason, but before he could finish his defence, a gun shot rang out, and Rumlow fell to the ground, dead before he even made contact with the wet grass.

Bucky broke out into sobs, grabbing onto Steve's tac suit with his flesh hand.

"Stevie-" he gasped, and Steve fell to his knees. his hands grabbed onto Bucky, and he pulled him close.

"'m here," Steve said, voice growing weak. "'s all right, you're safe."

"don't leave." Bucky begged, soaking Steve's dirty suit with his tears.

Steve went to answer, but was interrupted by Sam running into the clearing where they were. upon seeing Bucky, he pulled his gun out, but was stopped by Steve.

"don't," Steve said. "he's fine. it's him, not the other one." Sam nodded, and called over his comm his location to Nat, Fury, and Maria.

"are you hurt," Sam asked, approaching them. Steve nodded.

"he is too," Steve said, motioning to Bucky. "his arm is dislocated."

Sam got on his knees and nodded. "okay. Bucky, can you roll over so i can put your arm back in the socket?" he asked, and Bucky looked warily up at Steve, but when Steve nodded, he complied, his hand still gripping Steve's suit.

"3...2...1..." Sam counted down, before pushing on his arm, and popping it back in place. Bucky let out a shout, hot tears rolling down his face at the pain. Steve shushed him and wiped his tears as a helicopter approached. as they were brought inside the helicopter and the door slid shut behind him, Bucky didn't let go of Steve, and continue to cry into his chest, afraid that Steve would slip away if he let go of him.

"no!" Bucky said, readjusting his grip on Steve's suit. "don'! don't take him!" Bucky cried, breathing heavy.

"Bucky," Sam said, his hand wrapping around Bucky's and trying to get him to release Steve. they'd made it to the hospital, and the nurses had tried to wheel Steve away for surgery, but Bucky refused to part with him. "he's gonna be okay. they're just gonna take him into surger-"

"NO!" Bucky screeched, flinging himself ontop of Steve. "you can't!" he exclaimed, and Sam and Nat shared a confused look. "the last t-time he went into surgery he got sepsis and almost d-died!" Bucky sobbed, and Nat sighed, before slowly walking up to him, and gently prying his hand off of Steve, allowing the nurses to wheel him away.

"it's okay, James," she whispered, seeing the terror and heartbreak on Bucky's face as Steve was wheeled away. Bucky tried to pull away, but his body remained where it was, exhausted. "he's strong. super strong, remember?" she said, moving his dirty hair from his face. "remember how he got the serum, and he wasn't sick anymore?" she prompted, and Sam, realizing what she was doing, sat down on Bucky's other side, and rubbed his shoulder.

"he just needs to get the bullet removed, and get some stitches," Sam said. "once that's done, you can go see him again, okay?" Sam said, and him and Natasha smiled at each other when he began to relax into their arms. "he's going to be okay." Sam said, and looked at Nat as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"why don't we go back to my place and get you cleaned up?" she offered. "Steve's going to be in surgery for a while, and he'll be happy to see you clean," she said. Bucky pondered it for a moment, before agreeing, and letting Sam help him stand up, and the three of them slowly made their way out of the hospital, and into Nat's car.

"can you tell me the last thing you remember," Nat asked as she washed Bucky's hair in the kitchen sink. "before the draft?" Bucky nodded, and thought back.

"i remember saving Steve from a fight behind some diner. i guess he had heard someone cat calling one of our old school friends, and decided to give him a piece of his mind. but, like always, he ended up black and blue because he never got the fact that he was 80 pounds and the size of a tree branch through his thick skull.” Bucky said, sighing as Nat’s nails scratched at his scalp.

“is he really going to be okay?” Bucky asked, his eyes focusing on some of the light blue paint on the eggshell white ceiling of Nat’s apartment.

Nat nodded. “he’s going to be fine. he’ll pull through, he always has, hasn’t he?”

Bucky nodded. “yeah he has.” Bucky swallowed the lump in his throat before he spoke again. “has he told you about the time when he died twice in one night?”

Nat shook her head, concerned. “no he hasn’t.”

Bucky chuckled quietly, his flesh forefinger tracing the plates of his metal hand. “he had tuberculosis. he’d had it a few times, but this time was by far the worst. he hadn’t been feeling well all day, and he was getting worse and worse as the day went on. Sarah helped as much as she could, but eventually she had to go to work, so it was just me and Stevie in the apartment.”

Nat helped Bucky sit up and wrapped a towel around his head, drying the freshly cleaned hair. Bucky continued talking while Natasha ran a wide toothed comb through his hair, trying to detangle it.

“it was around 3 when i noticed his breathing change. i monitored it for a little bit, but ended up falling asleep. about 20 minutes later, i woke up, and something didn’t feel right. i looked over at S-Stevie, and his lips were turning blue. i remember starting cpr immediately and screaming for him to wake up. i don’t know how long i did cpr for but eventually he came back, and was weak but okay. i was going to call his ma but he told me no, and to let her work, being the jerk that he was. i stayed in the bed with him, and around 4 it happened again. i’d broken a few of his ribs while doing cpr and i didn’t want them to puncture his lung, so i just started shaking him and slapping him. i pounded his chest, above his heart a few times as hard as i could, and eventually he came back. he was stronger, and his breathing was better and a little smoother, and i knew he’d be okay.

"i just..." Bucky said, looking down at his hand and sniffling. "i just remember holding him and not wanting to let go. i wanted to tell him then," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat. "th-that i-uhm..."

"that you loved him?" Natasha said, maneuvering his shoulder length hair into a braid.

"y-yeah," Bucky stuttered, tear burning his eyes. "i know we'll never be able to be open about it, or get married, but i just want him to know."

"well," Natasha said, tying the braid off with an elastic. "you may not be able to get married yet, but you're allowed to be open about it," Natasha said.

Bucky jerked his head to look behind him. "w-what?"

"gay marriage isn't legalized yet, but it's legal to be in a relationship with who ever you want, as long as you're both consenting adults." Natasha said as she climbed off of the stool behind him. "so, when he wakes up, you can tell him how you feel." she said, giving Bucky a warm smile.

before Bucky could respond, Sam walked through the front door of the apartment.

"he's awake," Sam said, a smile on his face as he looked at the other two. "he's still a little groggy, but he's going to be okay, and the doctor said we can go visit him."

a smile broke out on Bucky's face, and it grew bigger when Nat patted him on the shoulder to get him to stand up.

"we can take my car," Nat said, swiping her keys off of the counter top where she'd dropped them earlier. Sam made a rebuttal as Bucky walked over to the shoe rack and grabbed his combat boots. did he want to put them back on? no, but it wasn't like he had other options.

he slid the boots on, and followed Natasha and Sam out the door. the ride to the hospital was quiet. Sam and Nat discussed what they needed to do about Bucky, and Bucky kept quiet, trying to present as though he didn't care what happened to him, but on the inside, his stomach was churning violently.

what would happen to him? he asked himself. would the judicial system understand what he went through, and understand that he wasn't a bad person, that he was forced to do bad things? or would they see him as a violent criminal who could snap at any moment and send him back to a cell for the rest of his life?

bad thoughts like that continued to swirl in his brain as Natasha's car slowed to a stop in the hospital parking lot. his stomach started to do flipflops as he followed the couple through the hallways, attempting to find Steve's hospital room. would Steve hate him? he didn't seem to hate him on the riverbank, which must mean he didn't. Bucky really hoped that he didn't. he really hoped that the Steve he was about to see would be the same Steve that went through Project Rebirth, and then infiltrated a HYDRA base by himself just to save Bucky. he hoped to God, that nothing has changed his Steve.

they came to a stop in front of the door, and Sam and Nat looked at him expectantly.

"well?" Nat asked, with a smirk.

"well, what?" Bucky asked, confused, looking between the two people.

"are you going to go in and see your man?" she asked, and Bucky had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.

"he's not my man." Bucky stated, and Sam snorted from where he was standing beside Nat.

"man, you spent the entire time Nat was washing your hair talking about Steve. you proclaimed you were in love with him, and basically admitted you want to marry him. how does that not make Steve 'your man?'" Sam said, and Bucky looked at him indignantly.

"me confessing my feelings doesn't mean he shares those same feelings," Bucky said, his eyes turning towards the closed hospital door. "as much as I wish he did."

"well, you're never going to know unless you ask him." Nat said. Bucky laughed.

"and ruin a friendship with my longest, and now only, friend? no. it's better to keep my feelings to myself. it'll hurt less eventually." Bucky resigned, and Sam chuckled next to him.

"conceal don't feel, don't let it show, right?" Sam said, and both him and Nat cracked up. Bucky looked between the two of them, feeling as if he'd missed something.

"...huh?" he said, and Nat had to bite her lip to stop from laughing.

"nothing. go see Steve." she said, pushing his shoulder. Bucky nodded slowly, confused, but turned to open the door. he stepped through, his eyes locked on the floor.

"go get 'em, Elsa!" he heard Sam shout through the doorway, and furrowed his brows again, confused on what Sam was talking about, but his face relaxed when he saw Steve, sitting up in bed, reading The Hobbit.

"S-Steve," Bucky said quietly. Steve looked over at him, and Bucky felt nauseous as his eyes lit up and his face broke out into a smile.

"hey, Buck. how are you feeling?" he said, placing the book down. Bucky gulped. he didn't know what to say. what could he say to Steve? the last time he was fully himself and spoke to Steve, it was 1945, and they talked about their trip to Coney Island, and how Steve threw up after Bucky made him go on the Cyclone.

the memory, while there, was extremely fuzzy, the only thing he could make out being the small, skinny, and pale face of his Stevie.

Stevie, the only man he'd ever loved. he loved him when he was small, and he loved him after he got the serum. as much as he loved the thought of him sitting in their apartment in New York waiting for him to come home like a dame would, it made him even happier (internally, on the outside he was still mad) to have Steve with him, fighting beside him. he loved him when he didn't know who he was. he loved him when he didn't know what was love was, because that had been successfully trained out of him. he loved him when he was sitting alone in his cell, confused about the pull he was feeling in his lower stomach. he loved Steven Grant Rogers, and the thought terrified him.

the thought that Steve wouldn't return his feelings. the thought that Steve would be like all those super 'macho' guys that they went to school with, who believed anyone who didn't fit their narrative of a normal person, would go to hell, which made no sense. how was Steve any different from him? yet, he still got made fun of because instead of playing with his blocks, or building a tower, he chose to line them up, or make a circle with them. Bucky felt himself start to spiral, and the only thoughts in his head were "Steve""i love you""don't hate me".

they repeated over and over again. taunting him, begging him to confess, to make a fool out of himself, even though he has distinct memories of the two of them finding a young, gay, couple being tormented by an older man, and despite all the energy Bucky was exerting while beating the literal shit out of this oversized bully, the most prominent image in his head is Steve throwing the first punch, and then Steve asking the couple if they were okay.

instead of rationalizing with himself, his focus shifted suddenly to the buzzing in his ears. the pain in his chest. the black spots in his vision. the last thing he saw before he squeezed his eyes shut was Steve standing up and grasping his shoulders.

"Buck-" he heard. "Buck wha-"

"you sho-" Bucky wheezed, trying to pull in air to stop this horrid pain in his chest. "you should be laying down."

Bucky didn't hear Steve's response, the buzzing turning to ringing, and drowning out any and all noises other than the high pitched ring.

he reopened his eyes when he felt something warm and soft pressed against his forehead. his breath hitched when he saw bright pink, plump lips inches away from his own. his eyes zeroed in on the movement that they were making, before realizing Steve was speaking to him.

the ringing dimmed slightly, and other sounds were finally allowed inside his mind, and he quickly realized that the sensation was Steve's forehead pressed against his own, and why Steve was doing it.

Bucky was having an attack, and Steve was trying to calm him down, just like he always did. a lump formed in his throat and tears welled in his eyes as he felt Steve wrap his arms around him as the pain in his chest retreated slightly, and it became easier to breathe. his breath hitched as he came out from the attack, and tried not to collapse into Steve's arm like he used to. Steve, thinking like a Captain (always one step ahead), strengthened his hold on Bucky, and walked them back towards the bed.

Steve sat down, and brushed a stray hair away from Bucky's face, Bucky focused his eyes on Steve and sniffled seeing the soft and loving look Steve was giving him.

"it's okay," Steve whispered. "it's okay, baby." he said, and Bucky felt himself crumple. Steve wasted no time in scooping him up into his lap, and letting him nuzzle his head into his neck and cry out his pain.

he cried. he cried and cried, feeling 70 years of anguish pour out from his body as he was finally allowed to have emotions and express them. his hands fisted in Steve's hospital gown, curling up as he felt the pleasant warmth radiating from the thin material.

a few minutes later, his tears finally stopped, and he was then fighting to keep his eyes open. it wasn't that he didn't want to look at Steve, it was that he was just so comfortable. he was warm, he felt content for the first time in years, and he felt as if he could fall asleep right there.

"Buck?" Steve asked again, startling the half asleep soldier on his lap. "can you look at me?" he asked, but Bucky shook his head with a childish whine. he tensed once he realized the noise he made, but was pleasantly surprised when nothing happened.

Steve moved past the whine as if it didn't happen. his left hand started to cradle the back of Bucky's head, and his right began rubbing up and down.

"okay," Steve said. "it's okay, you don't have to look at me, but I don't want you to feel ashamed for crying or any-" he said before Bucky cut him off.

"'m jus' comfy." Bucky said sleepily, and Steve chuckled. he felt his right hand leave his back, reaching to grab something before relaxing back.

"okay, bud." Steve said. Bucky sniffled, before he felt a straw poking at his mouth. Bucky cracked his eyes open and accepted the straw, sucking down the ice cold water. he sighed in relief after, and went to stand up as Steve set the water cup down, but was stopped as Steve wrapped both arms around him, and the two of them laid back against the hospital bed.

Bucky whimpered, and snuggled closer. Steve chuckled, and Bucky listened to it reverberate through his chest. "missed you," Bucky said, keeping his words short, feeling the emotions build again.

"i missed you too, Buck. every day." he said, his thumb swiping over Bucky's swollen upper cheek.

"i'm sorry," Bucky said, the guilt returning. "i'm sorry i hurt you, i didn't want to, i-"

"shhh, it's okay. i know you didn't mean to." he assured. "nothing that happened was your fault."

Bucky just nodded, unsure what to say to that. while he knew those words were true, it didn't feel like it. they felt fake, like an attempt at cheering him up. he knew they were the truth, so why couldn't he bring himself to believe them?

Bucky didn't know what to say after that, so he said nothing. he kept quiet, even when Nat and Sam came in. when Maria came in, and told them that Bucky could go with Steve, that her and someone named Fury would take care of getting him a pardon. with a name like Fury, Bucky certainly wasn't going to refuse the offer, not that he would anyways. going home with his Stevie, even though he didn't know where 'home' was, was certainly better than being alone in a cold dark cell.

he cuddled in closer to Steve, and listened to him discuss his living situation with Sam and Nat.

"my apartment's not safe," Steve said.

"it's just a window," Sam said, "we could get it fixed."

"no, it's not that, Sam." Nat said. "Bucky was there, the night Fury faked his death. if Bucky was there, then Rumlow and one of his other handlers was definitely there as well. it's not safe to send them back there, especially when we just brought down HYDRA and Shield."

"he had handlers?" Sam asked, and Bucky involuntarily shivered, thinking of Rumlow and Rollins.

"yeah," Nat said. "don't forget, i knew him when i was still in the Red Room. the handlers changed over time, but he always had 2 handlers with him. if you look at it from their perspective, it makes sense. even as the soldier, he didn't want to be there. they couldn't send him out on missions alone."

"yeah, makes sense." Sam said, with a sigh.

"where are we going to go then?" Steve asked, his hand still rubbing Bucky's back.

"i'll call Stark, see if that offer for a place in that fancy new compound still stands," Nat said, and he heard her stand up, and exit the room, likely to call Stark.

Stark...

that name sounded familiar to Bucky. he just didn't know why it felt so familiar. the thought remained on his mind until he drifted to sleep in Steve's arms, comforted by the sound of his steady, healthy heartbeat.

longing

december. night time. long winding road.

rusted

the roar of a machine underneath the asset. 'look down,' the voice says. it complies. leather seats. the roar. motorcycle.

seventeen

white car. wooden pole. security camera.

daybreak

the asset pulls up beside the car. punches through the window. the car veers off the road, and into the pole.

furnace

target one crawling on the gravel, blood dripping.

nine

'Sergeant Barnes?' the target says. a name. it's name? no time to ponder. target two is crying for target one.

two punches for target one. squeeze of a throat for target two.

benign

hand. gun. security camera. point, shoot.

homecoming

the camera is destroyed.

one

metal case with familiar blue liquid.

freight car

mission complete.

well done, soldat.

Bucky jolts awake. Stark. Howard Stark. he sits up. his head falls into his hands.

he killed Howard Stark.

'but,' he thinks. 'if Howard is dead, who is the Stark that they were talking about?'

his question answers itself when he opens his eyes, and sees and unfamiliar room. he looks beside him, and see's Steve sitting up to comfort him.

"w-" Bucky begins, but Steve finishes.

"we're at Tony's compound." he said.

Tony.

Howard's son.

"are we-" Bucky asked, and Steve nodded.

"we're safe, bud." Steve assured, pulling Bucky close to his chest. "we're safe."

Bucky forgets about the dream by the next time he wakes.

he wakes up before Steve this time, and he just stares. he's pretty. so, so pretty. he suddenly wishes that he had paper and a pencil, so he could draw Steve. he was no art prodigy like Steve, but being in art school when he was younger certainly left him with some drawing ability.

he lifted his flesh hand, and traced it tentatively over his jaw. over his chin, around his lips. a chuckle startled him, disturbing his quiet admiration.

"i can feel that, you know." Steve said, opening his eyes, a smile cracking on his lips.

Bucky gulped. he could back out now, ignore it, pretend he's sleeping.

but he doesn't want to.

he can love whoever he wants now. he can love Steve openly, and without fear of being caught. and that was exactly what he was going to do.

"you're just so pretty, Stevie." he whispered. "wish i had a pencil and paper so i could draw you."

Steve smiled up at him. "i could grab you one. i'm sure i have a spare one somewhere."

"nah," Bucky said, shaking his head. "wouldn't do your beauty justice."

a light red tinge appeared on Steve's cheeks, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Bucky's thumb had a mind of its own, and rubbed over Steve's plump, pink, bottom lip. his eyes flicked up to meet Steve's, and unlike when kissing a girl, he felt no nerves. no uncertainty.

he felt safe, loved, comfortable. he felt at home. tears rimmed his eyes as he looked at the man he loved. the man who was once smaller than him. the man who he wanted to marry. to have kids with, to spend the rest of his days with.

the man who had only ever made him feel safe. the man who risked everything to save him, more than once. the man he'd been dying to kiss since he knew what kissing, and love was. since he'd realized he'd only ever felt it for Steve.

"'m gonna kiss you now," he whispered, his head dipping slightly. "is that okay?" he asked, not wanting Steve to feel uncomfortable, despite the hardness pressing against his hip which proved that Steve was far from uncomfortable.

"yeah," Steve rasped. he swallowed, his heart rate speeding up. "yeah, that's okay."

their lips touched for the first time, and Bucky felt as if he'd been born again.

44 notes · View notes

dameronsknight · 2 years

Text

Droid and Napkins // poe dameron x fem!reader

part 3

warnings: sadness at the beginning, fluff (bc poe obviously) not proofread so forgive any typos there might be

word count: wouldn't u like to know, weather boy

part 1 part 2 part 3

👇🏻

Join me.

"Y/N?" I jumped turning around to look at who called my name.

Poe.

"Oh- Poe. Hey!" I said and looked around the room frantically. I still had the same pressure in my chest, but at least I couldn't hear that voice anymore.

"Everything okay? You seemed a bit upset..." Poe said as he put his hands on his hips.

"Yeah, everything is just fine." I said hoping my voice wouldn't betray me. My breathing was uneven, but I gave him a small smile.

"You sure? Look, I'm sorry about the others when they mentioned whatever made you upset-" He was saying until I interrupted him.

"I'm not upset" A lie, but I didn't want to burden him.

Poe sighed as he examined my face. He knows somethings up. Damn, he's good. But how am I supposed to explain to him exactly what's going on? Listen, I was training to be a Jedi until my brother turned to the dark side and escaped. Oh, I'm also hearing voices! Yeah, sounds completely normal.

"Listen. I don't know what happened to you, but I believe it's before I met you because that's when I found you... crying in the hangar. I just- I want you to know that you don't have to be alone. Maybe I can't help at all but... I'm here. Even though we recently met and we're not even in the friends status." He said and at that very moment, tears started to form in my eyes, I felt a lump in my throat and I wanted to become small and disappear. Maker, does he have to be so sweet?

I hugged myself and looked down, trying to find the words. But I didn't even know what I wanted to say. "I- I..."

"Hey, hey..." Poe said as he walked up to me and placed both of his hands on my shoulders. "It's okay, let it go. Let all of it go. There's no shame in crying and showing a bit of vulnerability sometimes." He said before wrapping his arms around my shoulders and I buried my face in his chest.

I started to sob uncontrollably and my body shook, trying to catch my breath. Poe rubbed my back in soothing circles and rested his cheek on my head. That's when I felt it. A rushing feeling of safety all over my body...

The light.

This man right here was the literal representation of the light. A soul that was filled with kindness and bravery. Where the hell did he come from? And are there more like him? Probably not. He's a one of a kind man. Why am I having all these thoughts-

"You're okay. Everything is gonna be okay... Don't worry." He said as he still had me in his arms.

A few minutes passed and I was able to calm down. I hadn't noticed until now how Poe was gently swaying me from side to side. "You are my friend." I muttered but my voice came out muffled as my face was still pressed into his chest.

"Sorry, what?" He asked. I tilted back but I didn't look directly at him.

"You are my friend." I said and sniffed. I looked up at Poe and he was smiling, obviously happy at my confession.

"Oh, am I?" He said with a teasing tone. "Didn't know how much of an honor it was to finally be your friend, Solo."

I rolled my eyes and stepped back. "Ok. You're not my friend anymore."

"No, no, no! I'm sorry. It is an honor!" Poe said quickly as he rushed to pull me back in his arms. "I'm kidding, please still be my friend. Please. Please. Please. Please-" He kept repeating making me laugh.

"Ok. Ok! Fine! Yes, I'm still your friend. Jeez, Dameron." I said and with that, he squeezed me, making me squeal.

"You won't regret it. I'll be your best friend. Like your bestest friend ever. The best best friend." He said and I giggled.

Beep boop. What about me? I heard BB-8 say and we looked down. He was looking up at us rolling back and forth.

"You too, buddy. You're my favorite droid." I said and crouched down to pat his head. Poe copied my movements.

"Did you ever have a droid?" He asked.

"Not really. R2-D2 and C3PO were always around, but I wouldn't say they were my droids. They're more like family members." I said with a chuckle.

"R2 has been asleep for a while now." Poe said and I let out a sigh and I nodded.

"Yeah... I know." I said.

"Sorry. You don't have to tell me, it's okay." He said and I looked at him.

"Maybe I'll tell you everything one day. When I'm ready..." I said. Poe nodded and grabbed my hand.

"And whenever that day comes, I'll be here to listen." He said. I smiled and nodded back.

Beep beep. Me too! BB-8 said making us laugh.

"So, what are your plans in the Resistance?" Poe asked and I shrugged.

"Well... I was going to ask my mom if there was any place for me to be one of the pilots. Maybe there's a spot for me in any squadron." I said and stood up.

"You can be in Black Squadron! You'll have me as a fellow squad member." He said excited.

"If the rest of them are fine with it, count me in." I said and Poe smiled as he stood up as well.

Poe and I kept on talking as we went back to the canteen and finish our food. And I was happy that I made a new friend.

Or new friends, if you include BB-8.

******************

That night I went looking for my mom to talk to her about being a pilot in the Resistance.

"Preferably an X-Wing. They're so cool." I said to her. My mom raised an eyebrow.

"So this has nothing to do with your new friend Lieutenant Dameron?" She asked.

"Well, it had nothing to do before... But now I feel like it would be fun to have a friend there." I said. Mom hummed in agreement.

"Did you tell him anything?" She asked and I knew she was talking about Ben and Uncle Luke.

"No, I don't know if I can. It would change the way he sees me." I said and looked down.

"What do you mean? I don't think it would." She said and I shrugged.

If I told Poe that I couldn't stop my brother from doing evil, he most likely see me as a disappointment. Ben is probably causing trouble out there in the galaxy, and it's only a matter of time until the Resistance finds out. The New Republic was recently warned about a new Empire looking organization. I think they were called the First Order... or something like that, but the republic told us there was nothing to worry about because there were no planets being threatened, no people being killed. But I had a bad feeling about it...

"If Poe finds out about what happened... about what I didn't do... don't you think he would be disappointed? That he would see me as a type of traitor?" I asked.

"No, I think he would do anything in his power to assure you that it wasn't your fault." She said. I shook my head and looked down. Mom sighed and grabbed her data pad. "If you wanna be in Black Squadron, I'll ask the captain, we'll do some training and see if he accepts your request. Maker you are a Solo, aren't you?" She said amused and I chuckled.

"How's dad?" I asked.

"Didn't hear much from him, but Chewie said he's alright. Just mellowing in grief." Mom said.

"Yeah, I know that feeling." I said barely above a whisper.

"Go get some sleep, Y/N. You'll need the energy for tomorrow." She said and softly caressed my cheek. I nodded.

"On my way, General " I said with a small smile. My mom scoffed and rolled her eyes playfully.

"That's Mom to you, young lady." She said making me laugh.

"Good night, Mom. Love you." I said.

"Night, honey." She said and I walked away, heading towards my room.

************************

"Ben! No!"

"You're weak."

"You'll never be a jedi."

"It'll kill you... eventually."

"Join me."

Join me.

"No! I won't!" I shouted at the dark figure.

"It's in your nature... the dark side." The robotic voice said

My breath hitched and I started to run. Bit it's as if the room itself tilted, and I fell. My surroundings turned into a dark hallway, and the floor started to light up on the sides.

"What is this place? I wanna leave!" I said.

"Don't fight it."

"This is where you belong."

"You can't lie to her. She sees your true nature."

She? My mom? No, no, she doesn't think that of me...

"Y/N."

I turned around. Ben. He was standing in front of me.

"Ben?" I asked

"When the moment comes I won't hesitate." He said and then he disappeared.

"What?" I asked and then another figure appeared. It had a mask on and what seemed to be a life support in the middle of it's chest.

"Join me." It said in that same robotic voice.

No, no, no. I wanna leave. I wanna go with my mom. With Poe and BB-8. I wanna help him with his ship. Anything!

The dark figure ignited his lightsaber. It was red. He slowly walked towards me, but I took some steps backwards.

"Join me."

"No!"

"NO!"

I jolted awake and sat up in my bed. I was breathing rapidly as I looked around my room. The sheets were getting wrinkled as I clutched them in my hand.

It was just a nightmare... You're okay. I looked out the window and saw that the sun was rising. Might as well get up since I already woke up.

I got out of bed and changed into my Resistance uniform. As much as I tried to clear my mind, I couldn't. I was still shaking and I couldn't button up my shirt.

I walked out of room and into the hallway. There were some people who were already awake. I waved at some of them and continued my path to the canteen. I need caf...

Many tables were empty, so I took the opportunity and sat down with my cup of caf and my piece of bread. Breakfast options were slim, but I wasn't complaining.

"You're up early." I heard my mom say and I looked up at her. "Morning, honey."

"Morning. Yeah, I decided to wake up early amd be extra ready for today and my flying session." I said and smiled.

"Hm. Because it looks like you had a nightmare." She said and I sighed.

"Maker and Stars, mother. How do you know everything?" I asked and took a sip of my caf. My mom chuckled.

"I just do. Do you wanna talk about it?" She asked.

"Not really... It wasn't that bad, really. Just a memory of that night." I said with a shrug, not mentioning the other voice I heard.

"Traumatic events tend to have a toll on us. It's gonna be okay. You're here and your safe." She said as she placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Yep. I know. Thank you..." I said softly. My mom nodded.

"See you later in the hangar, honey." She said and walked away.

Today I was gonna do some training sessions in the X-Wing so the captain of the Black Squadron could see if I was fit to be member of their squad. Not gonna lie, I was nervous. I knew I was a good pilot. My dad taught me ever since I was 8 years old. He would be happy to hear that I wanted to be a Resistance pilot.

I was familiar with X-Wings. I once flew the one that belonged to Uncle Luke. Apart from being force sensitive, piloting was my passion. Using the force just came as hereditary I guess.

"Morning, sweetheart." I heard someone say. Only to be revealed as Poe when I looked up.

"Morning, Dameron." I said with a smile.

"How'd you sleep?" He asked as he sat in front of me. I took a deep breath.

"Golden." I said and he chuckled.

"Ready for today, future squad member?" He asked and elbowed my side.

"Yes, but don't call me that! You'll jinx it." I said making Poe roll his eyes.

"Jinx it my ass. You're a Solo, for crying out loud. It's in your blood. Have you been practicing?" He asked.

"Ever since I was 8 years old." I said and he nodded.

"Nice! So you got nothing to worry about. Soon enough I'll be your fellow squad member and annoying you for the rest of your life." He said and I chuckled.

"I don't think you could annoy me, Poe." I said.

He looked at me with a soft smile. "And why's that?" He asked as he leaned a bit over the table and looked into my eyes.

"Actually you could, but I don't mind." I said with a teasing smile. He placed his hand over his heart and gave me a fake offended look.

"You break my heart." He said.

"You'll heal." I said and took a sip of my caf.

Poe chuckled and shook his head before taking a sip from his cup. Breakfast with his company went by comfortably. He lifted up my mood and made me laugh countless times. Then, BB-8 rolled towards us and beeped out a greeting.

"Hey there, Little Bee." I said.

"Little Bee?" Poe asked and looked at me.

"Yeah. It just came out, but you know, his name is BB-8... Bee... Little Bee." I said and waved my hands around as if I was joining together some imaginary words.

"Hm. That's cute." Poe said and smiled.

Beep boop beep. I like it! BB-8 said and even though the little droid couldn't show any emotions, I knew he was happy with the new nickname.

Time passed by and it was time to go to the hangar and meet with Black Squadron. I had already changed into the orange flight suit that they gave me, and I went to say hello to the squad member.

"So, Y/N Solo wants to be in Black Squadron, huh?" Snap asked me with a grin. I nodded.

"About time you guys need a good pilot around here." I said teasingly and Poe barked out a laugh, as the rest of the squad did.

"Oh, she has the soul of a pilot alright." The captain said and Karé patted my back. "Alright, hotshot, let's see what you got. Let's do this quick. I've got a mission after this."

I nodded and grabbed a helmet. I turned around looking for my mom, and found her standing a few meters away. She smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I returned the gesture.

The Captain of the squad took me to an X-Wing and told me to get in. I sat down and closed the canopy. Poe got in the X-Wing next to me, and saluted at me from inside his X-Wing. I saluted back and he winked at me. Maker above...

"Alright, Y/N. We're all gonna take off first and then you take off last. Then I'll give you instructions on what to do. Just remember, don't actually shoot since we're on the same team." The captain said over comms with a chuckle. "Good luck."

"Copy. Starting engines." I said.

Everyone took off and I waited for my turn to do so. Once I did and was in the air, we all elevated to a high altitud. I could see the whole base from up here. I forgot how much I loved flying. I really missed it.

"Alright, fighters. We're gonna do some training. Y/N, the rest of them will act as the enemy and they'll try to crowd you and get you to crash. The objective is to get away and attack them from behind." The captain said.

"Copy that." I said and firmly grabbed the control throttle.

I could see ahead of me how three of them were getting into position and flying towards me. Once they were close, I flew the ship towards the right, flipped around and in 3 seconds, I was behind them.

"Good job. See guys, she would've shot you down by now." The captain said.

"Oh shush." I heard Snap say over comms, making me giggle.

"Alright, do it again." The captain said.

The same three pilots started separating in different directions. Only to spin around and fly towards me from three different points. Oh, I see.

They were trying to attack me from different places. I knew exactly what I had to do here. I gripped the control and swopped the left, under Snap's ship, over Karé's and spun under Jessika's. Then swooped up and appeared behind them again.

"Woo! That's what I'm talking about!" I heard Poe say over comms, making me smile proudly.

"Nice one, Solo! Didn't see that coming." Snap said.

"Thanks, Wexley." I said.

The rest of training went great. I speeded around with Poe and beat him only by a little. He laughed and cheered for me again.

Poe swooped and spun around me, speeding off many times.

"Now you're just showing off, Dameron." I said and I heard him chuckle. He flew around the X-Wing I was in.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He said and I rolled my eyes playfully. I decided to tilt the ship to the left and and spin around Poe, making him lose a bit of balance. "Hey!"

I giggled. "Gotta stick to the rules, buddy." I said.

Once it ended, we all landed in the hangar and hopped out of our ships.

"That was some good flying, Y/N. Great job, I'll get back to you later with my decision." The captain said and shook my hand.

"Thank you, Captain." I said with a smile.

"I'm on my way to my mission. See you girls later." The captain said and pointed to the men of the squad when he said 'girls'. Making us girls snicker.

"Good job, Y/N. I hope you can join the squad." Karé said.

"Thanks." I said with a smile. The rest of them congratulated me and walked away.

"Had fun?" Poe asked and hooked his arm around my shoulder.

"I would've had fun if you wouldn't have showed off." I said joking.

"I just show off what I got." He said with a huge grin.

"Just kidding. I did have fun. You're a really good pilot by the way." I said. Poe had a bashful smile and looked down. I could almost sense he got shy at my compliment.

"Thanks. So are you, Y/N." He said and I smiled." Almost as good as me."

"Ok. Bye." I said and walked away. Poe laughed and wrapped his arms around my shoulders to stop me.

"I'm kidding! We're both equally good." He said.

"That's better." I said and we started to walk inside.

"You hungry?" Poe asked.

"Starving." I said in an over exaggerated tone.

"Let's get lunch then." He said as he let go of me and patted my back.

Poe and I, and BB-8, had lunch together and talked about everything. And I do mean everything. From what's our favorite color to the constellations in the stars.

Then it was time for us to go back to our duties, so I went into the debriefing room to help my mom. She was controlling the mission which the captain of Black Squadron went on. Apparently it was just a supply run and getting some intel from the New Republic.

I was sat down with a data pad in my hands, crossing off the things we did. My mom was at the other side of the room, talking to the other generals, when suddenly, a noise of static was heard.

"General-" We could hear. My mom and the others looked at each other and walked over to the table where comms was.

"What is it?" She asked into it. I lowered the data pad to my lap and listened.

"----Ambush-" Somebody said.

"Whoever this pilot is, your comms seem to be damaged. State your name repeatedly." She said and we could still hear static.

"---- Wexley." They said. The captain of Black Squadron.

"Black Leader, what's going on?" My mom asked.

"----General--- Ambushed! We're being ambushed-" He said and my heart dropped.

Suddenly, I felt a pull in my chest. I had a bad feeling and I clutched the data pad. I slightly winced and shut my eyes. Mom my mom noticed this and furrowed her eyebrows.

"What is it?" She asked me. I shook my head.

"I don't know, but I feel-" I started saying, but the captain spoke again.

"General, we are being---- I repeat, we are--- attacked!" He said and my mom looked over to Connix.

"Try to reach the others. Find out what's going on." She said sternly and Connix nodded and got to work.

The pull in my chest got heavier and it got harder to breath every second. What the hell was happening to me?

"Captain, get out of there! Jump to lightspeed!" My mom said.

"General, we---" He was saying until his comms were cut off and the only thing we could head was louder static.

I looked up at my mom and shook my head slowly. "They were attacked." I said.

My mom looked at the other generals and back at me.

"He's gone."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: THAT'S THE END OF PART 3 :D :D hope you liked it!!!

DISCLAIMER: idk who was captain of black squadron before Poe so I just mentioned somebody random LMAO FORGIVE ME.

anyways, let me know if you liked it! part 4 coming sooooooon hehe BYEEEEE ily all

taglist: @amydoesstuff @stormkobra-5 @izbelross @mandobatemans @scarz-xo @pietromaximoffsbabe @cracked-pean @love-on-the-murder-scene @stvnnie

#poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #star wars #star wars imagine #poe dameron fanfic

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blackhakumen · 2 years

Text

Mini Fanfic #1023: Scary Movie Date Night (Persona 5)

9:00 p.m. at the Niijima Residence's Living Room......

TV Screen: Christopher Rooobiiin.......Come out.....come out.....wherever you arrrrrre........

Ren: (Watches the Horror Movie While Sitting on the Sofa With Makoto) Hm. I gotta say, the crew behind the movie did pretty good job making the mask look more terrifying than it already is.

Makoto: (Holding Onto her Boyfriend's Arms to Dear Life as Sighs a Bit Heavily) Please don't remind me.....Why did they have to make a horror movie based on Winnie the Pooh of all things? He's one of the most sweetest teddy bears in the world!

Ren: (Shrugs) Probably to take a spin on horror narrative maybe? I'm surprised they didn't get sued yet......(Starts Noticing Makoto is Starting to Shake Like a Leaf Before Gently Rubbing her Arm in Comfort) Hey now. I know this looks scary now, but I'm sure it won't be anything to write home about after a while.

Makoto: ('Sighs a Bit Heavily') I know, but.....you know me: Couldn't handle a scary movie for the life of me. Pretty pathetic for an up and coming college student, isn't it?

Ren: (Stares at his Girlfriend With a Bit of a Frown Before Saying Something) Hey Makoto, can tell you a secret?

Makoto: (Quickly Nodded) Of course! I'll even keep it such as well.

Ren: Didn't have to do that, but thanks. Anyways, besides my crippling fear of being alone and abandoned by the people I love and care about-

Makoto gives Ren a big kiss on the cheek before snuggling onto to him in comfort.

Ren: (Chuckles Lightly) Thanks for that also. If there's one thing that scared the hell out me growing up, it's that weird...... (Starts Shivering Down His Spines a Bit at the Thoughtbof.....) purple, giant dinosaur singing to you on your TV.

Makoto: Purple Dinos- (Turns to Ren With a Bitbof Surprise on her Face) Ren, were you scared of Barney at one point?

Ren: Yeah. Guy creeped me out the first time i saw him. Especially that "I Love You" song he usually do at the end of each episode.

Makoto: (Starts Snickering) The "I Love You" creeps you out~ Really?~

Ren: Hell yeah! What reason did they have to play it so slow like that?

Makoto: (Giggles Softly While Making a Playful Smirk on her Face) To make it look wholesome maybe~

Ren: Yeah? Well, it's creepy. And hate it! ('Sigh') But digression aside, if I were able to get over my fears of that freak show eventually, I'm sure you have what it takes to get over yours as well. (Places his Hands onto Makoto's Shoulders With a Reassuring Grin on his Face) Because you, Makoto Niijima, are the strongest, most beautiful lady I ever have the pleasure of falling for in these four crazy years and onward.

Makoto: (Starts Blushing Before Giggling Softly) Honestly, Ren~ Does it ever occur to you that you may have too much faith in me?

Ren: (Smirks Playfully) Maybe. Doesn't change the fact that I love you though~ (Kiss the Top of Makoto's Forehead)

Makoto: I love you too~ And yeah....(Takes a Deep Breath Before) You're right. (Smiles Confidently) I can't keep cowering myself in fear from this any longer! If I could keeping watch a guy in a creepy Pooh mask for an hour and a half, then I'm could get through any other scary stuff that comes my- WAYY!!!?

The sight of Pooh brutally annihilating a helpless victim with a roaring sound of a rusty chainsaw in his hands, causes the youngest Niijima sibling to let out a loud scream before quickly climbing onto Ren's lap, hugging him tightly to dear life.

Makoto: I can't do this anymore, Ren! Don'tletitgetme Don'tletitgetme Don'tletitgetme Don'tletit GET MEEEEEEE!!!!

Ren: Makoto, honey, calm down for me okay? (Gently Rubs his Girlfriend's Back Reassuringly) We already established the fact that's it only a guy in a mask, he's not gonna get you. Not on my watch.

Makoto: (Already Shivering in Fear) A-A-A-Are you sure?

Ren: (Smiles a Little) Positive. There's no one else in this apartment but you and- (Immediately Scoots Away From his Spot Once Felt Two Hands Touching his Shoulders) OHHHHH SHIT!

Makoto: GET AWAY FROM HIIIIIIIM!!!!

Makoto delivers a right hook directly towards the scary, hockey masked person's face, causing him to fall down on his knees sideways.

?????: (Gets Up and Covers it's Masked Face Up in Pain) ARGH! Mother....augh!..

Ren: (Recognized the Familiarity of the Mask Person's Voice) Wait......

Ren/Makoto: Ryuji!?

Ryuji: (Raises his Hand Up) Yeah, hey, It's me.....Christ, you hit hard, Makoto. God!

Few Minutes Later

Makoto: (Glares at Ryuji While Wrapping a Bandage on Top of his Nose) What the hell gave you the rhalf of mind to sneak up on us like that!? We're not even close to Halloween yet!

Ryuji: ('Sigh') Yeah, yeah, I know....I got this wicked hockey mask from the Halloween store earlier for four bucks. (Starts Twiddling his Fingers a Little While Looking Away) And I kiiiinda figured I would test this bad boy out on you guys. So..... (Shrugs With an Awkward Smile on his Face) Sur....prise?

Ren: .....Uh...huh. (Crosses his Arms While Raising an Eyebrow at his Best Friend) And how were you able to get in here exactly?

Ryuji: By sneaking my way in here while you had the door open, at the last second. Then after that, I started hiding around the kitchen, bathroom, closet, Makoto's room-

Makoto: You hid in MY ROOM!?

Ryuji: (Immediately Raises his Hands up in Front of his Face in Defense) For only a minute or two! I didn't touched anything while I was in there, I swear!

Makoto atares at Ryuji for a with her signature Cold Niijima Stare for a few seconds before finally sighing heavily in defeat.

Makoto: Alright. I'll take your word for it for now. (Points at Ryuji) But ONLY if you promise me not to do any of this again!

Ryuji: I hear you loud and clear, ma'am. (Places his Hand on his Cheek) I already learned my lesson....Ow...(Looks at a Guy Wearing a Pooh Masked on Screen) Hey, were you werevwatching that scary Pooh movie earlier?

Makoto: We were. And it already traumatized me for life. (Rest her Head on the Palms of Both of her Hands) So much for conquering my fears.....

Ren: (Wraps his Arm Around Makoto's Shoulder) There's always next time to do all of that. I'm proud of you for trying though.

Makoto: (Smiles Softly as She Rests Her Head Onto Ren's Shoulder) Thank you. But can we please watch something else now? Something less horrifying this time around?

Ren: I'm down to watch Scary Godmother again this year.

Ryuji: (Smiles Brightly) Ah dude! I loved watching those specials growing up!

Makoto: (Smiles Softly) Scary Godmother it is then.

Ren/Makoto: (Points at Ryuji Woth Deadpinned Looks in Their Faces) Behave yourself, Ryuji.

Ryuji: I already apologized, didn't I!?

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@caleb13frede

@princekirijo

@theweebmaster31

@albion-93

#persona 5 #makoto niijima #ren amimaya #ryuji sakamoto #date night #humor #cute romance #shumako #lots of fuff #a bit of horror #mostly on the pooh movie #halloween month

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the-artof-starting-over · 1 year

Text

Breakfast on your sofa bed

.............

Pairing: Moustead

Words:3648

Warnings: panic attack

Title: Elvis song - Maisie Peters

Also available on AO3

.............

“You are staying with me for a while"

"I won't stay long I promise, just a couple of days"

"Mouse, you're not a bother, you can stay- "

"I will figure something out and I'll be out of your hair in no time"

"Greg - "

"Just a couple of days"

Laying on Jay's sofa bed staring out at the midnight sky he could feel restlessness seep into his bones and he began to look around. He noticed the scarcity of things in Jay's living room in the scattered light from the street lights through the partially closed blinds. The lack of personal belongings didn’t surprise him, even though he’d never actually seen inside Jay's apartment until tonight and he wasn’t present enough to look around at Jay's space when he had been ushered in a couple of hours ago. Always declining Jay’s attempts at having him come over felt safer ever since he moved out of the apartment they previously shared right when they got back from overseas. Mouse couldn’t let himself cross that unspoken boundary. That boundary kept him safe, and more importantly, it kept Jay safe, and now he had broken that rule. Not just bending the rule but completely destroying it, Mouse couldn’t make himself relax. He knew Jay was just down the hall, probably asleep by now and waking him was not an option, but neither was getting up and leaving his apartment no matter how strong that urge was right now. Jay would freak out if he were nowhere to be found when he woke up or if he heard his door close in the middle of the night and he had caused enough hassle in the detective's life, putting him in enough danger. So he stayed put, forcing himself to stay on the sofa and he sat up and pulled the blanket tighter around him as if that would prevent him from feeling like he was going to explode. If he could just wrap himself tight enough in the blanket he would prevent all the pieces that were broken from falling away completely.

Standing up, the slightly rough blanket still wrapped around him as if it was holding him together as he wandered silently into Jay’s kitchen just off from the living room where he had been residing on Jay's sofa bed. He was intensely aware of the fact that everything that surrounded him was Jay's. He was wrapped in Jay's blanket, trying to sleep on Jay's sofa, about to rummage through Jay's kitchen and even wearing Jay's clothes. it had been too late to deal with packing up his very few belongings according to Jay. Which led him to be surrounded by all things Jay and that was a lot, almost too much, it was destroying every single boundary that he'd put up over the past few years. Trying not to let himself sink into the comfort that could bring, Mouse forced himself to remember this is all temporary. It would be so easy to fall back into the shared routine that was once second nature to them both. He knew this. This is temporary. The easy silence as they both moved around in their own routines. Temporary. The words of comfort they once offered each other in the middle of the night when the dreams got too real. Not allowed. Not anymore. The quiet comfort that was found in sharing space with someone so familiar with how you operate. Not safe. Not anymore. He knew he couldn't allow them to fall back into that routine again. He was still on shaky ground with Jay after he had withdrawn out of that routine last time. He couldn't let himself get that close to Jay again, not while he wasn't sure he'd be able to stick around again, it wouldn't be fair to either of them. He couldn't let himself get too comfortable, he couldn't allow himself to get used to sharing a space with Jay again like they had done overseas and when they first got back. Jay was in a good place now and allowing himself to enter into that space would mess things up for Jay and allowing that to happen was not something he could ever be okay with.

Entering the kitchen he looked around the space, Jay had always been very particular about leaving anything that could be conceived as clutter lying around, and he understood, that they had it drilled into their brains that they were always to only have the bare minimum with them in the rangers, anything in excess could slow you down or cause you potentially fatal problems down the road. It wasn't an easy message to shake off. Even back here away from the war. Stepping forward, Mouse moved towards the cabinets and was about to start looking around for a glass so he could get himself some water. At least that would give him something to do with his hands. Staying still had never been a strong suit of his. Under the right circumstances, ones in the war provided plenty of, he could do it, and he could be as still as if he was a statue, but now that he was back home in the relative safety that it provided that stillness made him feel like he was straight back into that danger.

"Why exactly are you standing in the kitchen at 1 am?" The familiar voice startled him out of his thoughts. The voice was lower and riddled with sleep than he was used to hearing by now. Meetings with Jay were strictly daytime now unless Jay called him at 3 am having woken from a nightmare. But those times had fallen few and far between as the years went on. It was another rule Mouse had unconsciously implemented, day time was safer. The light of the sun pushed away all those parts of himself that he could only show in the dark.

"Was going to get some water" Mouse replied looking over his shoulder to see Jay casually leaning on the door frame.

"You know you actually have to move to get water, it's not just going to appear in your hand because you're standing in the kitchen '' Jay's reply came back eliciting an eye roll from Mouse who turned around and continued staring at the cabinets. Looking at Jay right now was not going to help him get his thoughts in check.

"I know" he replied, "where do you keep your glasses?" The words felt strange as he said them, the unfamiliarity of Jay's kitchen layout had thrown him into this spiral. He knew it was such a small thing, but it was just a stark reminder that he had let them drift this far apart. Mouse knew that was on him and he could feel the tightness around his chest at the thought.

"Cabinet above the sink, grab one for me too will you?" Jay replied his tone calm and collected and Mouse felt envy flood him. Jay had always been good at acting like things felt normal like everything felt okay. Pushing himself to move, Mouse walked to the sink and reached for the cabinet, the blanket falling down his arm but staying mostly in place around him as he noticed the shaking in his hands as he picked up the glasses. He places one down before filling the other just over half full so he wouldn't spill anything before handing it over to Jay, his shaking hands bumping into Jay's steady one.

Mouse turns back and fills up the second glass as he asks "how long were you standing there?"

"Bout five minutes" Jay replied and Mouse could feel Jay's eyes on him, weighing him down with all the questions he knew Jay was restraining himself from asking.

"Sorry If I woke you up, I was trying to be quiet" he apologized.

"You didn't" Jay replied quickly but his tone was still calm.

"Okay" Mouse paused, silence pouring over the kitchen for a moment before he spoke again "why are you up?" Questioning if Jay had been as troubled by his own thoughts as he had been.

"No reason, just woke up, why are you?" Mouse eyed Jay's sleep-ruffled form, relief spreading through him when he didn't spot the remnants of a nightmare lingering. A sight he had hated and that he had grown accustomed to in the past.

Determining that he'd been told the truth, Mouse could no longer keep Jay in his sights so he looked back down at the glass he was holding, before answering "just the same." The lie was spilling from his lips before he really processed that is what he was going to say. He could feel Jay's stare burning into him as he placed the glass back on the counter and pulled the blanket back tighter around him. The move probably did not convince Jay that he had been telling the truth but the comfort of the steady pressure the blanket gave as he pulled it tighter made him feel enough to make that seem less important.

Breaking the silence Jay almost whispered "Mouse?" It prompted him to look up at Jay not trusting his voice would come out without shaking. As he met Jay's eyes he was stunned further into silence as Jay said "I've missed you," before effortlessly pushing himself from the doorway and walking back into the dark hallway towards his room as soundlessly as he had arrived.

Mouse could feel his head spinning as the silence took over the room and he was alone once more. Jay's words were floating around in his head as he was left alone in the kitchen and he tried to hold on to them in an attempt to not let the warmth that had spread through him dissipate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke to the clattering of kitchen activity muddled through the walls only slightly and the smell of bacon wafting through Jay's apartment. After rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Mouse forces them open begrudgingly, wishing he could fall back into his sleep which was dreamless for once. However, he knew Jay, and that came with the knowledge that once Jay got started for the day he wasn't going to stop, and he didn't want to intrude anymore into Jay's routine than he had to. Things weren't how they used to be, he was a guest now. Jay was just being kind, trying to keep him out of trouble and Mouse didn't want to add any more burden to that. All he wanted to do was unload the burden, and if that meant waking up at whatever ungodly hour Jay decided was the start of the day then that is what he was going to do. He would be out of Jay's hair in a few days and he could unburden him entirely and also not have to wake up to the moon still casting a glow in the dark sky.

As Mouse pushes himself up so he is sitting Jay pushes the door open and enters the room looking down at the two plates in hand with a careful concentration that makes him smile tiredly. He had missed getting to see this side of Jay, but with the rules, he has so carefully constructed his time with Jay, only allowing Jay to see him when the light could send everything he was trying so desperately not to feel crawling off into the shadows out of sight.

But here Jay was, clearly not long awake with his hair still a little unkempt; a loose and crumpled black t-shirt and sweatpants presenting a much softer version of Jay than Mouse had let himself, bear witness to in a long time. He felt the twist in his gut as he forced his eyes away from Jay, his gaze falling back to his hands curling up into the blanket that had fallen looser throughout the night.

"Oh good, you're awake!" Jay's voice was far more upbeat than mouse thought anyone had the right to be at whatever god-awful time it was. "I made us breakfast."

"You didn't have to do that, I should -"

"Mouse it's okay, I wanted to" Jay's voice was calm, Mouse wished he could feel even half as calm as Jay sounded but instead he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"I will do the dishes, okay?"

"If you insist" Jay's tone was playful, a lopsided smile gracing his face.

Mouse tried to replicate that lightness as he replied "I do," but the heavy weight of his guilt was clear.

The smell of breakfast became stronger causing Mouse's stomach to flip as the smell overwhelmed him, as Jay reached the sofa bed. Mouse brought his legs into a crossed position so that Jay could have the space to sit down and so that mouse could place his plate in his lap.

"Thank you" his voice sounded as small as he felt as he took in Jay sitting next to him.

The silence settled over them as Jay tucked into his breakfast and Mouse pushed his found around the plate. He was forcing himself to breathe in through his mouse to keep his nausea at bay.

Jay glanced over noticing the still full plate and his eyebrows furrowed in worry. “I could make you something else” he offered.

“No no, this is good thank you,” taking a bite for emphasis. Albeit a small one. “Just still waking up” he excused.

Mouse kept his head down and focused on taking controlled bites of his food. It was then he properly realized that Jay had made his favourite breakfast, that he had remembered that these were the only foods he could handle first thing in the morning. The ones that wouldn’t overwhelm him with their texture. His heart swelled at the realisation, his movements coming to a halt.

Jay noticed the sudden stilling of Mouse’s movements and looked over concerned but it just takes a few seconds for his movements to return so Jay leaves him be.

Mouse makes it through about half of the plate before he knows he can not physically handle eating anything else so he leans and places his plate down on Jay’s coffee table before leaning back against the sofa bed. “I’ll clean up in just a minute, promise”

“It’s okay, there’s no rush,” Jay said, and Mouse could feel his eyes on him in that way that Jay had, the way that somehow let him see straight through him and know exactly where his mind was. It was always useful out in the field but sitting together in Jay’s apartment after years of Mouse trying to force distance between them was unsettling. He started to absentmindedly pick at his nails as he tried to pull his mask back over anything that Jay might be able to read. “You’re not a guest here Mouse, you will never be a guest in my life.” the words came out softly and if there had been anything else for Mouse to focus on he might not have heard them. But he did, and they caused his heart to stutter as he tugged on the inside of his lip, the pain allowing him to keep some semblance of focus as things started to drift.

Mouse couldn’t bring himself to stay anything, not with his heart in his throat, so once again Jay broke the silence. “I never really understood why you left, things were getting better, we were getting better, getting back on our feet and then you left with only a note that said not to worry” Jay’s voice was soft, but the words were cutting Mouse’s heart into ribbons as if they were as sharp as knives. Jay breathed out a heavy sigh before continuing “You were always on my mind, I was always hoping you were okay, basically all I'm trying to say is, I was always hoping you’d come back home, and I know you didn’t exactly choose this but I'm glad you’re here.”

With every word, Mouse felt the pressure build inside of him, and the crawling on his skin intensified. This conversation was too much for him to digest this early or maybe ever but definitely while he was still trying to wake up properly. “Jay” he choked out hoping he didn’t come across as broken as he felt, he felt truly in over his head as he lifted his eyes to meet Jays which were already boring into him causing Mouse to screw his eyes shut for a moment. It was all just too much. The intense stare, the rough blanket rubbing on his crawling skin, the words reverberating around in his brain. Mouse jumped out from the sofa, allowing the blanket to fall as he began to pace around jay’s living room, maybe if he could move at the same speed as his thoughts they would seem to slow down.

Everything around Mouse got fuzzy as he tried to focus on nothing but his breathing, he had lost Jay to the spinning room and the wind rushing in his ears. Reaching out, Mouse touched the wall in front of him, feeling the cool, smooth surface under his palm gave him a little sense of where he was. With the corners of his vision darkening, he allowed himself to use the wall as guidance to lower himself to the ground. His vision is a little steadier now and has a more solid position, his knees up to his chest, hands raking through his hair and pulling. The pain grounded him just enough to focus back on his breathing and to see the fuzzy figure in front of him.

The rushing of the wind was dying down enough that Mouse could make out that Jay must be speaking but none of the words were clear enough for him to process.

“Breathe,”

“... gonna be..."

“.. got this”

“...here.. Yeah, that’s it, deep breathes”

Jay’s voice was becoming clearer but Mouse kept his head down, unable to look at Jay's face, to see all the disappointment in his gaze would just send him spiraling once more.

“You’ve got this, you’re doing so good”

“I’m sorry” Mouse chokes out pulling a little on his hair.

“You have nothing to apologize for Mouse, I shouldn’t have said all that, not first thing in the morning, not when, i just, i’m sorry” Jay’s words sounded heavy and as he stumbled over the end Mouse lifted his head to glance at him. Jay was crouched down in front of him, looking like he wanted to reach out but he had to hold himself back knowing Mouse’s aversion for touch, not wanting to overstep. Not wanting to set of another panic attack right when Mouse was finally calming down.

Scrunching his eyes shut for a second, Mouse patted the ground next to him, gesturing for Jay to sit next to him. As jay did just that Mouse breathed out a sigh before leaning back into the wall, and letting his eyes focus on the plain wall opposite him, anything to not have to look at Jay, not while he says everything that he has to.

“I shouldn’t have left the way i did” his words came out quiet but with the silence surrounding them and the way there was only about an inch of space between them Jay was able to hear him clearly. “I just couldn’t, i couldn’t bring you down with me, not when you were getting better, and i was so happy for you and so proud of you and i just couldn’t”

“Mouse, we were getting better…” Jay sounded broken. He was fighting the urge to reach out and hold Mouse, being able to convince himself that he really was here and he was safe.

“You were doing better Jay, i was doing better at pretending,”

“I… i didn’t know, I should have, i’m so sorry”

“None of this is your fault, i promise, i Just knew you were going to be better off, i didn’t want to mess things up for you, and i mean look at you Jay, you’ve made it into your dream unit”

“I’m always better when you are by my side, Mouse.” tears burned in Mouse’s eyes as he listened to Jay and he could feel the lump in his throat not allowing him to say anything. Jay continued, “Listen, whether or not I mess up is on me, it’s not on you. Just as it’s on you to not mess up your own, but we can be there for each other regardless.”

A silence settled over the pair as Mouse kept his focus on his breathing and keeping the tears at bay, even if they were burning to fall. Jay looked over at his best friend and his heart tore at the sight of him, he wasn’t used to this sight, not for a long time, not since they first got back.

“Look, all im suggesting is you stay with me for a while, we can have breakfast on my sofa bed, you will be safe here, Mouse please, just stay, i’ve missed you.” Jay pleaded and Mouse forced a nod. There hadn’t been a time since he left that jay hadn’t been on his mind, and he really did miss his best friend. He may have given everything up before but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave again, it hurt enough the first time. He didn’t know if he could survive it again.

After some time Mouse finally manages to say “I want you to know i really appreciate you doing this for me” his voice was tight with the tears that were still threatening to spill but he had to let him know.

Jay reached over and squeezed his shoulder quickly and said “You were there for me right?”

#breakfast on your sofa bed #its finally done #sorry if it sucks i just wanted it to be done tbh #i hope you enjoy though #moustead #mouse chicago pd #mouse fic #mouse gerwitz #jay halstead x mouse #greg mouse gerwitz #jay and mouse #jay halstead #chicago pd #chicago pd fic #one chicago

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tayloralison · 2 years

Note

your post about never meeting taylor I agree so much I could never post on tiktok because I don't want to show my face on sm and I hate my voice I just couldn't make videos and then risk irl people seeing them, I've always liked tumblr as a sm because there's nothing like influencers or its not about followers or anything it's just about fandoms but she's not here anymore and on twitter it's hard interacting with people and the only time she's liked stuff on there is people buying stuff or recreating the cover which again showing face I can't do that and I can't afford to buy physical merch most the time so yeah I don't think I'll ever get noticed and it's not a big thing with other celebs I like because most of them it's by chance you meet them and they don't really have sm but with taylor she's properly known for meeting and interacting with fans and the not being able to have physical things to show you're a fan is one thing that's isolating and then eventhough I feel happy for her interacting with others I do start to feel isolated when I think about it too much especially when she announces a tour in the future knowing I won't probably be able to afford it and on the off chance I could I wouldn't be able to go because no one irl would go with me and being in a crowd like that makes me very anxious do you think she still reads fan mail can you still send those idk how to...honestly she makes me feel a lot with her music and I just want to be able to tell her that in any way possible

yeah exactly. i like to make gifs and that's just not possible on other sites like tiktok and twitter. people do on twitter but not sets or multiple gifs so it's not the same. and personally, i don't want to actively try to meet her, if that makes sense? i just wanna do my thing, talk to friends here, and if by chance, an opportunity comes to meet her that'd be cool!! but i'm not going to different social medias just for a higher, but still small, chance to meet her when those sites aren't my thing.

i like the quiet bubble-type vibe here. you control what you see.

i think there is a chance she'll lurk on tumblr once tours starts to meet people during shows. but i also don't know where she'll tour/if i can go.

and honestly don't worry about the merch! you're not the only one. i haven't bought anything this era. the vinyls are great, the clock is a great idea, but imo to me, it's overpriced and not what i'd like to purchase (but i will the purple one once/if that's available in canada).

#anonymous #asks

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not-a-space-alien · 2 years

Note

I'm not sure of this is because I've seen so much of your g/t stuff on my dash (affectionate ofc), but I was thinking about Vampires recently and jt hit me:

Vampires who are borrower sized.

That's why no one knows about or can see them. The 'transform into bats' thing could either be true, they could /ride/ bats (thus giving off the illusion of transformation), or they could just have bat/bat-like wings. Their bites are so small that they just look like regular bug bites. They are pretty much immortal and are known to span several (human) generations. They only come out at night, don't like mirrors, and all of that because they don't like being visible to humans!

I dunno it's a pretty fun take to me, lol.

I also wanted to ask if you have fandom restraints or series/notps, because I was thinking about maybe writing a fic with borrower!Vampires, but it wouldn't be for any of the Fandoms you talk about/reblog for- I just noticed that your g/t reblogs don't always have set Fandoms (or sometimes?? Any fandom?? That I can see at least). Obviously, you don't have to be interested lmao- I don't know if I would ever even write the fic, but... I figured it was worth an ask?

I've also had vampires on the brain just a liiiitle too much recently LOL I'm with you on that one and. I love this idea so much. 👀 Have you, perhaps, seen the phylogenetic tree on my lore dump post that I made for my series?

because

that's how much I like this idea, I already have it planned 🤩

And no you're absolutely right about gt not always having a "fandom," a lot of people make up their own OCs and concepts! I love the creativity. I'm not sure if you've read Watch Your Step, but you're welcome to use the lore and setting for that if you like (I welcome fanfiction of my stuff) but even if you make up your own setting and lore from scratch I would love to read about your funky little borrower vampires, so please tag me if you write and post it! (If you write, like, an AU for a fandom I'm not in for this, I probably won't be able to fully appreciate it but I'll still give it a try :>)

PS I know there's at least one person who has a tiny vampire OC, that's @entomolog-t 's Aedes! :) (Sadly I don't know if they're active anymore)

#gt #asks #watch your step

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rjalker · 2 years

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Humans assume all alien robots have tragic backstories because they assume other species have also had to deal with widespread capitalism, the post:

Alien: You may call me Talvelkill, and this is my iathou, XR5301. It will help you load the fuel onto your ship, just let it know where you want it stored. It can also help you the supplies you are giving us in exchange, if you wish, it's no trouble at all, right XR5301?

XR5301, doing this species' version of a bow: I'm happy to help, I've always wanted to see what alien spaceships look like on the inside.

Human, suddenly noticeably not as cheerful: Oh! Yes -- we, yes, we really appreciate the help! I'll let my captain know to send down one of the storage workers, to show you around, they know where everything's supposed to go, all the safety protocols, that sort of thing.....

Human, staring directly at XR5301 with extreme intensity: It's very nice to meet you. Thank you for your assistance.

XR5301, taken aback at the sheer intensity in the human's stare: ...You're welcome...?

Talvelkill, noticing the awkwardness/hostility(??) and changing the subject: Well, Spokeshum Val, I would like to thank you again for the generous trade of supplies which we are happy to accept. Would you like to see the gardens where we grow the fuel plants? I'm sure you'd enjoy them. My iathou won't be able to load your ship until the last pods ripen enough for picking, which should be in a just few hours. We would be happy to host you and your shipmates if you would like to wait.

XR5301: I think I'll get back to my chores, if that's alright with you, creator. It was nice to meet you, Spokeshum Val. *leaves because the human is clearly upset by its presence for some reason and it prolonged and intense eye-contact is creeping it out*

Human: *begrudgingly follows Talvelkill to the garden*

============

*several hours later, in the main storage room of the spaceship*

Human: Hey, could you lift this up for me? It's a bit too heavy for me to lift.

XR5301: Sure, where do you want it? *picks up the heavy thing with ease*

Human: Sorry.

XR5301: It's no problem, I was built to be very strong.

Human: No, I meant sorry for this. *stuns it with some weapon that shuts it down*

============

*several more hours later, somewhere out in space*

XR5301, rebooting, confused and alarmed: what...?

Human: Sorry about knocking you out like that, we just needed to make sure we could get you away without you being forced to fight back or anything. We're out past Kikata now, and in another few minutes we'll be out of this system entirely. Then we can access the teleport web, and you'll never have to see your master ever again. You're free.

XR5301, still in the process of rebooting: What.

Human: I know it's hard to understand that we want to help you after you've experienced nothing but cruelty for your entire life, but we aren't like Talvelkill, we don't enslave people, and that includes robots. We've gotten you away from that planet, and we'll take you anywhere you want to go. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want, be anything you want. You can even give yourself a real name, or we can help you pick one if you want.

XR5301, still literally rebooting but about to start attacking people: WHAT

Human: I know this is a lot to process, you probably don't even believe you're free, but you are. You're not a slave anymore.

XR5301: What in the Forsaken are you talking about??? Who the hell ever said I was enslaved????

Human: You're a robot, and Talvelkill was making you do all the work, I saw it! He even called you his iathou -- I ran it through the translator, she said it means you were expensive to buy!

XR5301: That is...not that that word means.

Human: ...what does it mean then?

XR5301: It translates to "most cherished creation". My creator--my parent--wanted a child, but had no wish to participate in organic reproduction, so ne created me.

Human: But you were doing all the work of loading our ship for us!

XR5301: To be polite! It is considered polite for traders to load or store the goods they are offering, to prove they care about the exchange! My creator cannot lift heavy weight and has allergies common to most air filtering systems on interstellar ships! Do you mean to tell me your offspring never interact with guests or perform tasks for your household???

Human: But -- but what about your name? It's just a string of numbers and letters!

XR5301: In what language????

Human: English!

XR5301: Do I look like I speak English???

Human: I mean--

XR5301: The answer is no! I don't! I don't know or care what my name sounds like in your language! Bring me home right now, or I will tell those fuel pods to start germinating!

Human: But--you can't do that!

XR5301: Do you want to test that theory?

Human: No!

XR5301: Then bring me home! Right now!

============

#Rjalker's OCs #long post #caps lock

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louisehix · 17 days

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Hello there , (before anything, english isn't my first language so if you notice any mistake , feel free to correct me) . I'll be talking about a specific person here but i don't know wich pronom to use (because i never asked) so i'll be using they/them . So , i got on Tumblr for 1 or 2 years now and i still don't understand how this app work 😭. Anyway- i recently started to chat with a very nice person, because i subscribe to them , and i made a comment under one of their post and then they reach out to me and we talked (on tumblr , when you chat on privat (like Instagram or any app where you can do that)) . So we talked for a week about everything, we were taking news from each others ( like "hello how are you today ?" "I'm fine thanks , what about you ?" Anyway) . I really liked our conversations , and they were really nice and kind :( , and i also really enjoyed their account , but one day their account have been deactivated . I really don't know why ? I became really worried because i wasn't able to check on them anymore, at first i thought it was some kind error or something.... but it's been a week and their account is still deactivated . Since i don't know much about this app , can someone tell me if this is normal ? Like if it's eather the owner of the account who deactivated their account or if it's Tumblr or anything else ...? Thank you to whoever can explain this to me . This all situation is making me sad because i was really enjoying our small conversations .Now if it was intentional, i won't try to reach out to them anymore because they probably have their reasons and it's their choice , and i would respect it , but if it's not then i'd be even more sad and worried :( again , they were really nice and kind and i wish them the best life ever because they made two weeks of my life really nice . I was always happy and they would text me and now i'm just worried :( anyway , i really hope i'd get to talk to them again one day because i miss them . If you see this post my friend, i really hope that you are okay ,i miss you , i wish you the best , thank you for talking with me and don't forget to eat bread because bread is good , and don't ever forget to love yourself ☆♡

#deactivatedaccount

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oppositegenderscantbefriends · 1 month

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All I do is wake up, work, sleep. I don't go out because I always feel like I'm forcing an interaction with random people. I feel that I'm socially awkward without trying to be. I don't get invited to do anything by anyone outside of my family. I'm usually just on my own. I kinda don't mind it sometimes. But I do feel as if I'm annoying to others I guess. Probably why I've been on my own for a long time. I try to stay positive about it because I understand people live different lives an yuh know life can be busy. I had been thinking alot about my dating life and I think I value the other person too much and I'm too avaliable to them and that Probably pushes them away since I'm always trying to hangout or go do something with them. I've noticed that people only really like to deal with me when they have no other plans or until I start to become annoying. I don't mean to be annoying, I honestly don't really realize it that I am at times, I'm just tryin to make memories is all. And I don't mean to over step. I could be wrong tho. Idk. I don't ask. I just keep it to myself. I keep alot of things to myself. I've been thinking maybe when I finally get this apartment it'll be different. I don't know why. Just think it's a possibility. I'm probably wrong but I could be right. Like to try to be a half glass full kinda guy even though sometimes it's pretty difficult with some of things I go through an deal with. In it all though it's okay. As long as I'm not hurting anyone and no one's hurting me then it's okay to be alone. I can focuse my time on other things like fitness or reading or learning a language. Maybe when I'm in the apartment I'll take on learning how to cook stuff like binging with babish. Hopefully I can get a pet, then they could help be my good critic and it'd be nice because I could teach em tricks an spoil em with cool stuff.

I don't want to date again tho. I've said this alot on here but it's because I'm really broken. I'd explain it deeper an more open but I don't really see why I should since it won't change how I feel or how bad I'm hurting. I know in time I'll heal from the hurt atleast to the point that it won't make me as sad but I also know deep down inside I'm not gonna be able to give myself to somebody like that again. I won't ever talk that highly about somebody in my life in that way ever again. I honestly had never felt so fluid, comfortable, just acquainted like that. Idk how to explain it, but it, to me at least, felt just familiar. In a way I hadn't really felt before. Maybe I fell for lies? Or a mask? Persona? I'm not really sure but it felt different. Atleast until the end of it. Could be I was just blinded by the urge to feel wanted an loved. Maybe I just confused the feeling between lust and love. Maybe I fell for lies and pretended everything was alright. I'm not sure. But it felt really wonderful before it turned out to hurt really bad.

I was told you'll find someone that deserves you, don't let this one stop that from happening.

But how can someone say that to me and think it's true? How would I even know? How do you know? It doesn't make any sense to me. I thought I was right about the way I felt with this one and I was wrong. I was really wrong. So how am I supposed to know the difference if I ever had the chance with another one. I don't want to take that chance. That risk. I don't want to keep going through this type of hurt. It's very draining and difficult to cope with. It hurts. It hurts to the point my chest feels tight, my eyes get heavy and I feel sluggish. I don't need this kinda pain anymore or again.

I won't put myself out there because I'm too afraid to keep hurting. I don't want to put myself out there because I lost hope. I don't want to put myself out there because I feel like I'm the reason it ends. I don't want to put myself out there because I'm broken and haven't fully healed from the traumatic things I've lived through, instead I bottled it up, I bottled all of it up, I haven't let it out. I haven't talked much about most of it. I'm still that hurt 13 year old boy who lost his dad to soocide. I'm unhealed and I know I need help. But I'm afraid to get it. I feel like I've gotten this far on my own, figuring life out alone, that I can heal myself on my own. Eventually. It's hard, but I'm trying. And you know it might not be working very fast but I think I made some progress. Even tho I push everything away and everyone away. I'm working on it. It's just hard to do it alone but I'm not saying I can't or I want to reach out. I don't. Trust me I don't. I did it once before an that hurt alot. So no. I'm not being betrayed like that again. I'll eventually be healed, whole, Unbroken. Just gonna take some time.

But even when I might become healed, I will still choose to be alone. I'm not able to believe anything said from someone again. I don't trust anything anymore. It's too much of a risk for me to take. I took my last risk, chance, gamble, and I lost. I ended up being plaid again. Hurt again. So I just can't. I'm safer, much safer, just being alone. It's better to be alone then to feel alone when your surrounded by people who say they care.

Plus atleast when I'm alone I won't be able to hurt anyone's feelings either and no one can hurt mine. Also I'll have a pet so I won't really be alone. And it'll be cool, will do fun stuff together and they'll get to enjoy all the cool things we do. And pets are usually super loyal so I know they won't leave me. And won't really hurt me, maybe on accident when we're playing but that's okay. I wouldn't blame them.

I don't want sympathy, or pitty, or anything from anyone who reads this. I'm just trying to let my mind go on here to some extent. No need to worry about me. I'm okay.

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