#i'd have been better off dead before i cared about so many people and made it so i feel guilty for even thinking that

[lilacsbeeswax]

happy birthday to your account!! for your writing event, can I please have Lilies 🌺 with work song by hozier and sirius black? thank you🖤

Work Song

Part of my 2 year milestone event!

MASTERLIST

——-

Boys, workin' on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I could barely eat

Work, work, and work Sirius swore these days it’s all that he did. Back when his dream of running his own tattoo shop was nothing but that he had had no idea what it would entail.

For the past week, he had been clogged with appointments. So many people had wanted custom tattoos, so he was drawing constantly. Then, it came to actually doing the pre booked tattoos which could take hours. As well as, walk ins that paid well, but took just as much time. Even when sharing the work load with James it was hard. Remus was out on vacation meaning Sirius had to take over bookkeeping and running the business. He swore he’d never have to do math, but there he was doing basic algebra at 8 am.

In short, Sirius was absolutely swamped. He had even been sleeping (albeit only a few hours) at the shop. His overfull mind only becoming more painful in the hours away from her.

Her. His only paradise. His pretty baby. The only girl for him.

He got small tastes of Y/n throughout the day, but it didn’t satiate his desire for her. Everyday at 11:30 am, she would bring him lunch during her break at her own job. She could be doing anything else, but she wanted to spend her rest time on him. Sirius loved it so much he felt sick. Often, he would be thinking about her so much that he wouldn’t be able to eat. He was unable to stomach the sweetness that he felt he never deserved.

There's nothing sweeter than my baby

I'd never want once from the cherry tree

'Cause my baby's sweet as can be

She give me toothaches just from kissin' me

Sirius walked into the apartment on Saturday night exhausted. Y/n called out to him, “Siri? Is that you?”

He didn’t respond quietly slipping off his shoes and coat. She turned the corner, running up to him and nearly sliding on the laminate floor. She wrapped her arms around him, placing her forehead on his.

“Hey baby,” Sirius sighed. “I missed you.”

She leaned away and smiled at him. That sweet smile that made him feel like he was going to faint. “I missed you more!”

Sirius moved to brush a thumb against her lips relishing in everything about her, before his gently pulled her into a kiss. It was soft and sweet and if he didn’t know better, Sirius would suspect he was going into cardiac arrest.

Boys, when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin' in her room but an empty crib

And I was burnin' up a fever

I didn't care much how long I lived

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did

Y/n and Sirius had met many years ago, back when he was a self-described man whore and carried way too much trauma to hold on his own.

He had been a mess. Drinking constantly, using, and not being able to hold a stable job. Despite all of his problems, she had pulled him up and out of it.

Sirius had lost yet another job the day he had started that fateful drunken binge. Maybe, it was the cheap vodka or the combination of it and the weed, but he had called her.

When she arrived at his place after a very concerning phone call, you had found him on the floor half dead. From then on she never stopped taking care of him. She never asked what really happened.

My babe would never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the Lord don't forgive me

I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

When I was kissing on my baby

And she put her love down soft and sweet

In the low lamplight I was free

Heaven and hell were words to me

Y/n and Sirius got ready for bed and laid down on their soft shared mattress for the first time in what felt like weeks.

She ran her fingers over his scarred up arms and chest. She kissed his lips, while caressing the marred skin. Sirius pulled away and kissed down her neck, nipping at all of the places he knew she liked. Out of the corner of his eye he could see her smiling under the dim lamp light.

“Fucking hell, you’re heaven.” He chuckled, saying a word between every soft peck of her neck.

“I could say the same about you, Siri.” She giggled, pulling him close to her, not planning on letting go anytime soon.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

Lying there wrapped around the love of his life, Sirius couldn’t help but smile, knowing no one and nothing could take him away from his baby.

MASTERLIST

#fluff #marauders x reader #sirius black x reader #sirius black x y/n #sirius black x you #lilacsasks #2 year tumblrversary #fanfic event

[chaifootsteps]

Hi, hi! I've been a longtime follower of your blog, but this is my first time sending in an ask because of anxiety. You're the most consistent blog that keeps up to date with Viv and her work. As someone who first saw Viv through the Die Young animation, and watched the HH pilot when it was first released, I grew disillusioned as s1 of Helluva Boss slowly aired. It was mostly because I didn't really enjoy the Stolitz ship and I believe the Erin Frost drama had come out (god bless Erin - she, Ken and everyone else deserved so much better). Plus the world-building and character development was just so off.

I know people have said this before: the concept Viv has is good, but the execution sucks. There's a vision but the product is so damn juvenile. I'm ace, and I became attached to Alastor due to him being ace as well, but we all know how Viv responded when the ship wars were happening. I couldn't stand the constant sex jokes or swearing in HB since when was it required for an "adult" show to have that?

Thank you for the episode leaks. Only got to see ep 1 before they were removed. The only thing that made me laugh out loud was the Niffty gag where she stared dead into the camera. I also liked Adam a bit? Sure the "original dick" thing went on way too long, but he was funny too. I surprising enjoyed his song - the lil fist bump he did with Lute was cute, and I like Lute but knowing Viv's record... eh. There was this cool shot where Adam flew up and Lute and those golden angels go behind him and spread their wings making Adam look like the biblically accurate angel. Except Adam himself ruins the effect because what the ever-loving heck is he wearing? I hate it.

In terms of shipping, I wasn't into the Huskerdust interactions. Angel wasn't flirting, that was sexual harassment. In the pilot it was okay because their interaction was brief and Husk pushed Angel off. Chaggie was... something. I genuinely feel that Chaggie could've worked had they not been established as a couple in the first place. The reason why Charlastor (and I guess Charlentious?) happened is because they had chemistry and their interactions could be read as a romantic interest. Since Chaggie was already established, there was an expectation for them to have those, but they weren't delivered and we know well that they weren't supposed to be a thing in the first place. Have Vaggie still be her bff and bodyguard, but show those moments where she genuinely cares for Charlie's well-being that indicates she's in love with her, yet Charlie is completely oblivious to everything. Actually, reverse harem Charlie sounds pretty funny to me.

Btw, armchair psychology anon, as a person studying psychology in my final year of college, dw about people taking issues with your speculations. NPD and other personality disorders are ego-syntonic, which means that the individual's behaviours line up with their beliefs, hence why PDs are only diagnosed during adulthood once brain maturation and personality development is reached. The only exception to this is ASPD (which NPD shares a category with called Cluster B along with histrionic and BPD) as you can diagnose a child with conduct disorder that can become ASPD when they're adults. Cluster B PDs are terribly demonised by media and the public despite the volume of research (I blame misunderstanding and ignorance). Viv could have it or could not; it's just that she shows signs of having it, and that's it. Even if she doesn't, she's still an awful person. Idk what happened in her childhood or some point in her life for her to become like this, but it doesn't excuse treating people like crap - oh wait, ain't this her characters in a nutshell?

That's all I gotta say for now. I hope it's okay to send more like this in the future; I'd love to be a specific anon but idk what's already taken lol. Take care, Chai, and I hope you have a good day/evening.

By all means, send as many as you've got! Because this was a delight to read.

Let me know when you come up with a name. I'll give you a placeholder one for now.

#Anonymous #to be named anon #viv stuff #actual blog post #vivziepop critical

[tangarang]

So any word of Coupon Kids or are you unsure/trying to keep quiet about it for right now? I like quat's redesign. It's more visually distinct than the original.

tldr: I am trying to pick back up on Coupon Kids, reworking the story (yeah , the actual story) with a lot more intention! Idk how long it will take, but just know that I'm taking it seriously.

If you want the LONNGGG story of it, here it is!

Last time we left off in the comic, I was in quarantine with my niece and sister! I was helping to raise my niece so my sister could get out of a horribly abusive relationship. I was a full time nanny which was tough! Cause I had to still make rent from home on commissions, but no one was buying them because we all became RLY RLY poor all at once.... go figure.

I turned to Coupon Kids for support because umm I was kinda fucked tbh 6_6. I had run out of money and had no time to make more, but I SQUEEEZED out the last of the Halibut Jones arc! (which, even at the time of completion, I knew it was an underwhelming piece of work, but I finished it and I'm proud I did!) Thanks to everyone's support, I had enough financial padding that I could rely on Patreon's passive income and refocus on supporting my sister/niece as well as plan to make the move down south to continue my schooling once the quarantine let up. So thats where I had left the comic for the time being in terms of story, with a sprinkle of short strips here and there, but nothing plot related, because the plot was horribly fucked right from the get-go.

I had to take multiple severe hiatuses with Coupon Kids because I got my ass handed to me on several accounts through ought. Horrible breakup, friend break up, severe mental illness, best friend got cancer, best friend died, quarantine, unexpected parenthood, gallbladder disease, then school. All the while Coupon Kids was something I made in the deepest pits of my depression.

I absolutely hated my self, my work, and my art. That all looped back to being a strange source of peace for me to make stuff w/o fear of judgement. No one could hate Coupon Kids as much as I did. I was the #1 Coupon Kids hater and I ruined it by making it. (this is a retrospective pov obv... I dont think my work is worthless anymore thx wellbutrin lol)

Coupon Kids was very liberating to write in that I had no standards, but the lack of structure kinda eventually lead to its own downfall once I started to get better. I had a very loose idea of what I wanted the story to be, but I was so disoriented by chemical imbalance and weed (I smoked SOOO much weed) I didn't rly care about the ending because tbh I thought I was gonna be dead before I got anywhere near the ending. But then Kira died, So I officially abstained myself from death's sexy loins and committed myself to giving life another go.

Sorry for the autobio dump: its kinda hard to convey Coupon Kids development w/o getting into the nitty gritty of what I was going through at the time of making it. The point is this: I made Coupon Kids with the intention of it being a stain on my legacy- but then I ended up loving the stain and it's inhabitants. Its made coming back to it difficult, because I want to put genuine effort in it but that clashes with it's overall tone. Instead of creating in spite, I'd like to create it in celebration of my artistic short comings and to do that is to completely rework the entire moral of the story and all of the characters. If I'm gonna do it right, I'd like to take my time.

Not sure how many people made it to the end of this one! Sorry I'm so quiet about my process. tbh the last 4 years have been the best of my life despite holding a lot of dread. I'm doing a lot better now and am really excited to work on what I love and be grateful I have the power to do so ! So thank you for reading if you are still interested, it means a lot!

[smartycvnt]

Better Off Dead

Title: Better Off Dead Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader Summary: You and Dean have a little heart to heart. NR WC: 832

You had spent a long time trying to undo the damage that John Winchester had done in your life. His one visit to you had ended up giving you a healthy hatred of hunters. There were a few exceptions to your general feeling of the group, but those were few and far between. Most of the good ones had been picked off anyways. It was always the bad ones who tended to waltz into your life to fuck it up for a brief period of time. Dean Winchester had been a hard one to peg at first. You had immediately been distrustful of both him and his brother whenever they had shown up at your doorstep all those years ago, but you found yourself growing fond of him the more he popped up.

It didn't make any sense to you, but monsters seemed to gravitate towards you. You could move across the country and still end up in a town or part of a city riddled with some kind of monster. Sometimes they weren't really hurting anybody, but more often than not you ended up having to call it in to the Winchesters. Sometimes Sam came along with Dean, but lately, Dean had been coming on his own. You didn't mind, Sam was a good friend, but you doubted that it was all that fun to be around you and Dean whenever Dean flirted with you like he did. Especially whenever Sam had very obviously had a thing for you when the two of you first met.

"At this point, one of us needs to just follow you around," Dean joked as he jogged up towards your front porch. This was your fourth house in half as many years. The issue with this one had been an easy fix, which was nice because you couldn't afford to move again. People were getting suspicious, and honestly, you liked this town a lot more than you had expected to. So, you called Dean to take care of your demon next door problem and decided to really settle down here.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" The teasing back and forth had become a constant whenever you and Dean were around each other. Sometimes things stayed innocent, but other times they got a little heated. Dean rolled his eyes as he went in for a hug. You were more than happy to indulge him, hugging him back tightly before he pulled away. "You're looking a little soft, did you stop by Jody's before this?"

"Ha, ha, ha." Dean crossed his arms over his chest as you dragged him into your house. A soft smile made its way onto Dean's face as he looked around your house at all of the little touches of you there were inside of it. "Nice place you got here, not exactly how I'd decorate it, but it suits you."

"This is going to be my home, I just know it. One day I'm gonna have a family running around here, I'm going to make sure that John was wrong about me," you said. Dean's face fell as he remembered the words John had written by your name. It wasn't fair for John to declare you "better off dead" especially whenever you hadn't done anything other than exist. You were like Sam, the golden child of some demon who had come in and killed your parents. It wasn't as bad as Sam's demon, but you had been orphaned and nearly killed yourself multiple times because of it. Worst of all, you seemed to attract all sorts of creatures who wanted to help this demonic being claim their vessel.

"You've done a damn good job of doing that already." Dean's sincerity made your heart ache in a way that nobody else's could. There was always a sense of longing from him whenever the two of you had these moments. Neither of you acted on it, despite both of you desperately wanting to. Living your life to the fullest meant going after the things you wanted, so you decided to bite the bullet and go for it.

"You should stay for dinner tonight. Oh, and breakfast in the morning, I'm making pancakes," you told him. Dean perked up at the mention of food. "There's only really one finished bedroom, but it's okay, we can share."

"Share?" Dean questioned. "What kind of guy do you take me for?"

"Shut up and kiss me like you've been wanting to for the past seven years," you told him. Dean muttered something under his breath that you didn't quite catch, but still took you into his arms. In that moment, you were definitely glad that John hadn't killed you and that Sam had the idea of checking in on you to find out information whenever he read about you in the journal. Most of all, you were glad that they moved on from the idea that you were just a bloodstain in the life of John Winchester's life.

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #supernatural #supernatural x reader #my writing

[scarlet--wiccan]

What do you think about (as an idea for a slight retcon to explain the Maximoff twins’ background without removing Natalya from their story) Magda actually BEING Natalya? As in, when Magda is presumed dead after giving birth, she actually took on a new persona as Natalya and started a new life as a witch? This way, Magneto and Magda could still be the twins’ parents. I feel like it’s iffy because Magda is Western European and Natalya is likely Eastern European implying they’d be from different vistas (sorry, I’m not 100% sure that this is the proper term) but I think it would be the best way to bring back the old story without undoing the new one.

I gotta tell you, that would be really hard to pull off. I mean, Marvel is no stranger to sloppy retcons, but if you actually care about good writing, I think it'd be tough. First of all, in Scarlet Witch, Wanda encounters a past version of Natalya from before the twins were born, and she's already a witch, already going by that name, etc. Second, multiple living characters attest that Natalya was Django's brother and had been living-- and doing magic-- in the Balkans her whole life.

So, you need to find a way to account for all that. If Natalya, as a character, existed in a vacuum, then maybe it would work, although I really don't like that almost every Romani woman in comics is a witch, so I'd like to keep Magda out of that if possible.

On that subject, though, if we are going to continue employing Romani witch archetypes, I want to do it in a way that speaks authentically to this part of Romani history.

As I understand it, things like folk magic and divination, in the Romani community, are usually family trades, and were historically practiced as survival work, so, for most people, it is something that goes back several generations. A lot of those skills, like cartomancy, were developed by applying Romani ancestral customs to European folkways, and many of our communities do still have closed and/or initiatory spiritual traditions.

I don't have all the right answers, but I feel very strongly that if Wanda's magic is hereditary, it does need to be a part of a family lineage. My dream would be to really incorporate this part of Romani history into the Marvel canon in a way that changes outsider perceptions of witches and gypsies in genre fiction for the better. That's a lofty goal, and I'm not the right person to do it-- I'm sure you can imagine that this is difficult to talk about in a way that respects our cultural boundaries, and you end up walking a really fine line between representation and affirming stereotypes. So, it's just really hard.

Anyway, that's why I kind of love Natalya as she is, and I want to believe that something really positive could be done with this character. In the same vein, I actually really like that Magda is just an ordinary lady-- her story's really dark, but it's important for people to be reminded of Romani Holocaust victims, and I worry that we would be taking away from that if we made her into a magical being.

In this house we stan two unique, individual, and equally important Romani mothers!!!

The word you're looking for is "vitsa," which, in this context, is used to describe distinct groups or communities within the global Romani diaspora. Those distinctions are not technically based on geography-- it's more about lineage and dialect-- but, yeah, in Europe, they tend to be regional. It's not a hard rule, or anything. My family lives really far north from where you'd think to find Cale people, but that's who we are! I don't think it's ever explicitly stated, but we can infer from context that Magda is Sinti. She is actually one of the few Romani characters in comics with an identifiable vitsa. The fact that the Maximoffs don't have one can make it harder to nail down "authentic" details, which is sometimes frustrating.

#magda eisenhardt #natalya maximoff #scarlet witch

[vizthedatum]

cw: a huge vent

Yeah, I woke up early, felt ok physically (was slightly flaring yesterday but I had a really nice time with my gf and it really made up for all of it haha), and then went down memory lane and started crying.

Then, I ate ice cream for breakfast.

Facepalm.

Today, I'm supposed to start a whole new regimen of supplements and meds (I'm still not on as many prescription meds as I've typically been, and I'd like to see how much I can keep it that way). I have my medication pill organizer all organized! I've written out notes and schedules for myself: morning, afternoon, evening, emergencies, morning routine, nighttime routine, grocery lists, etc.

*cries*

I know I will adhere to this - I am trying to give myself so many chances to succeed in life - I WANT TO LIVE FOR MYSELF.

--

I feel so stupid for falling in love with the people of my past.

I feel so stupid for making so many mistakes.

Every day I wonder if I'm just a bad person.

I still apologize for a lot of my unmasked traits.

I am still regretting my poor behavior with a lot of people.

Was I a lousy spouse? Was I a bad child? Am I the actual abuser in all of this?!

What could I have done to make it better??????????

Should I have just stayed quiet - ignored things until I vanished?

--

Sometimes, I wonder if I actually did kill Pri (dead-nickname and the name I used to go by) - what if I killed her so that she didn't have to live through the complex web of lies that she had created for herself?

I GAVE ALL OF THEM SO MUCH BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT.

I know that I've just recycled parts of her instead - recycled her into who she wanted to be: me.

I'm not plural, but having had PTSD and undiagnosed autism and ADHD for so long... it feels so jarring to be more authentic.

It's so jarring to heal.

--

And what about everyone that Pri loved???

I've often said in this blog that I've been reevaluating everyone Pri loved. I told my therapist last week that I don't regret cutting all the friendships/relationships off from the last year EXCEPT FOR ONE. (Edit: in the end, I have to admit - that situationship or whatever wasn’t really respectful to me - and while I enjoyed aspects, it was a joke of what I truly deserve)

I was so fucking caught up in my trauma that I just couldn't handle it - and I hurt someone I really cared about. I keep telling myself that they didn't even really care about me - but I'm sure they did, at least as a friend or a person in their life.

That relationship made me question a lot, but I was already questioning many things.

That relationship made me realize how poorly I valued myself and how badly I misjudged the toxic way I was attracted to other people.

That relationship wasn't what made me leave my ex-spouse, even if we had arguments about it.

My ex-spouse is why I left my ex-spouse.

The more I live by myself and reconnect with my hobbies, spirituality, friends, healthy depictions of love, etc. - the more I realize how UNSAFE I was.

I still weep at pictures of myself from 2019-2022.... how could someone who claimed to love me let me be in such disarray?

How could I have married someone in the midst of chaos, arguments, debates that were clearly meant to defeat me every time, psychological violence, etc.?!

Why didn't I just BREAK UP WITH THEM AND KICK THEM OUT YEARS AGO - instead of having the stupidest marriage where I was the only active participant, living in a dangerous and toxic environment, and being in financial devastation?

I am still recovering from the financial blow I took when I left them in 2022. Before I left, I barely had any credit card debt (I did have a lot of student loans but that is a whole other story - plus I had qualified for loan forgiveness before that was nixed by our government), my credit score was amazing, and I was going to try to recover from burnout (I AM STILL IN BURNOUT)....

I have no idea when I'll be able to really recover - I am trying to figure it all out, and of course, I have a plan (I must - I keep having to be forced into it - and I fucking like having a comfortable life)... but I wonder, when will be the day when I can't just do it anymore?

When will I be unable to "hack" life?

Will I relapse into my codependency and end up with immature partners who expect me to push through my autism and various other disabilities to the point of me completely falling apart while they yell at me about how ungrateful, selfish, and insecure I am?

Will I just be perpetually used as a sex object until people think I'm too ugly and too annoying to be used any further?

--

I have had to heal from who I was to figure all of these questions out. I wasn't in great long-term relationships before this one, and there were reasons for it.

I am investigating the why - I am trying to feel the emotions - I am trying to confront my own "shadows" - I am trying so hard.

I am also just trying to live life every day.

I am trying to do better on so many fronts now.

#healing #vent #codependency recovery #recovering codependent #neurodivergence #trauma #self love #heartbreak #prose #harm #love

[giggly-squiggily]

Spontaneous Headcanons #26

✨Angst Edition✨

Spoilers for the end of Blue Lock Season 1 below the cut!

Some hurt/comfort ReoNagiri for the soul cause I need it thank you :D

-So Kunigami got locked off. Everyone witnessed it but only so many saw the absolute shattering of Chigiri's heart when he didn't show up. Of course being Chigiri he's not the type to make a scene or draw attention to himself- he like everyone else knew the risk of Blue Lock and that anyone at any time can get eliminated.

-That didn't mean it didn't destroy him though.

-On the flipside- Reo and Nagi are united, kinda? Still some tension and words needed to be said but now they're all kinda living in the same setup I'd imagine so they have time to actually like- interact. Reo's living that "To be or not to be petty, that is the question" life as he finds Nagi one evening leaning against a door. Better time then ever to confront him, yeah?

-Only when he shows up Nagi looks him dead in the eye and says in a quiet voice: "Not now."

-???? The hell? Reo's about to go off when he hears it. It's soft and sad and muffled, but it's without a doubt crying. Someone's trying desperately to hide it and has hidden away in the empty locker room of Blue Lock. Reo doesn't recognize it right away but then he hears the small but definite give away- the little hiccup sound Chigiri makes when either his knee is being extra irritating or there's a storm.

-Almost immediately Reo's anger and hurt towards Nagi take a back seat- he's a comforter; it's always been that way. No matter how hard he tried to pretend Kunigami and Chigiri were just means to get back at Nagi, he can't help but care and get attached to them. Now the hero's gone- someone who'd always be there whenever the redhead needed him.

-He and Nagi share a look, and a testy peace is made. They enter the room as quietly as they can. Sure enough, Chigiri's tucked away furthest from the door, face in his knees as he tries to muffle the sound of his tears with a sweatshirt. It's big and soft looking and it cracks Reo's heart when he realizes it's Kunigami's.

-They don't talk- at least Nagi doesn't. Reo's beside him almost immediately, pulling Chigiri into his chest and hugging him tightly. Maybe he's scared he'll bolt- maybe he's preparing to get elbowed or shoved off, but the redhead freezes up like a scared deer at being caught.

-"I'm so sorry." Reo can only breathe out, and that just destroys any resolve Chigiri had to stay together. He let's out a heartbroken sob and clings to Reo as the foot drops. Kunigami is gone. He's not coming back. He's not gonna walk down the hall quoting All Might or teasingly call him Princess or tell him he did good that day or anything. It's so bad even Reo's tearing up, squeezing him tighter against him as he blinks back tears he doesn't want to shed.

-Nagi's kinda scared- he doesn't comfort people and never had to before, but he hates seeing two people he's so fond on upset and can't leave them there. It's also when he has a revelation; if Reo were to be locked off like Kunigami was- their last words would have been their fight. When Nagi told him he was past caring about their promise and he was a hassel. That he was done with him. The idea of Reo leaving with that...it hurt worse than he realized it would.

- So he does what he he can for now- sitting in front of them and taking hands. He grabs Chigiri's bone white knuckled fist and soothes a thumb over it until it's no longer shaking. He's hesitant, but he reaches out and offers a hand to Reo, not touching him but within reach so if he wanted to, it was there.

-Reo stares at it briefly and then him. Then he's reaching out, taking Nagi's hand in his. The touch, once so easy and comforting, feels clammy and awkward, like something was amiss. But it was there- it was a small blooming flower in the vast wasteland of unyielding destruction. They couldn't fix it overnight, but it was a start.

-Eventually, when tears start to dry and Chigiri's sobs lessen to soft hiccups; when Reo's own tears that he didn't expect to fall finally slow and Nagi's hands are no longer shaking- they're all kinda sitting there like:....now what? Chigiri's a bit embarrased, wiping at his face with Kunigami's sweatshirt, Reo's hand's still in Nagi's, and they're all kinda...tense.

-"Man, even when you cry, you're pretty." Nagi decides to say. It's unclear who he's talking to. "Over-achiever."

-And Chigiri let's out a wet laugh that's hoarse sounding and tired but genuine, and Reo's starting to smile in relief, the hand in Nagi's starting to ease into it. It's not the time but. "I'm sorry. For all of it." Again, it's unclear who he's talking to.

-But Reo just looks at him with eyes that say "We're talking asap" and Chigiri's shaking out his shoulders and gathering himself. "This is a bit awkward but...thank you." He's about to leave, probably out of embarrassment, but neither Reo or Nagi are letting him go and he's not exactly rushing to get away. "Sorry, I'm a mess."

-"A real beautiful disaster." Reo grinned, and Chigiri flips him off and their laughing and Nagi's smiling and for a brief period, things feel like they're gonna be okay.

#spontaneous headcanon #hurt/comfort #angst #hello angst my old friend #I've come to write about you again #reonagiri #This can either be platonic or romantic honestly whatever floats your boat we multiship in this blog #I have a soft kunigiri one I might share tomorrow when I'm not so tired #but I had a sad angsty hurt/comfort moment and needed to share it with everyone #I'd apologize for the Blue Lock-ness of this blog lately but it's my hyperfixation right now so I can't guarantee it's gonna go away #So we're rocking with it lols #Next one's gonna be soft kunigami hours because I love him lols #blue lock spoilers #blue lock anime spoilers #blue lock manga spoilers

[captainimprobable]

Hey Furubacord, I don't know how many of you still follow me or don't have me blocked, but I wanted to talk about what's happening from my POV.

In January, I made a comment about how hard it is living with my parents. Everyone dogpiled on me, said it was my fault bc I'm not doing enough to move out, I should leave the state, I should get another job, and then getting mad when I said I couldn't do those things since I had just gotten out of a depressive episode. They insinuated they'd been talking about how annoying it is when I talked about that for awhile (that and my love life) and I said something rude to them. So I immediately messaged every single person and apologized. I was told it was fine. I was told this would not ruin our friendship. This was a lie. For the next eleven months I was COMPLETELY IGNORED by one person, and barely spoken to at all by a few others. I noticed this but stayed in the discord bc I really like a lot of you and wanted to stay friends with the ones who didn't inexplicably hate me. In September I stopped interacting as much with the Discord, and finally by November I decided to leave. I made a post saying I was leaving, and that I'd like to stay friends with people, and then things just. Got so bad. People IMMEDIATELY started shit talking me in the group, calling me a "colonizer apologist" for reasons I don't get but am assuming it's because I dared to say Israelis shouldn't be murdered either. I woke up the next day to almost every single person in the Discord unfollowing me on all social media, and someone who I had spoken to the night before, who told me they wanted to stay friends, had blocked me. Nobody spoke to me about this. Nobody told me what was going on. I can only assume a bunch of yall have been talking in DMs about what a bad person I am for awhile, and you convinced each other to drop me. Do you know how much it hurts to lose like ten people at once? People who you thought you were close to? For reasons they never explained? Do you know what a blow to self esteem it is to realize that your friends have been talking shit about you for possibly months, and were just waiting for you to leave so they could officially drop you? Idk if you dropped me bc of what happened in January or bc you assume I'm anti Palestinian (which I never once said???? And was pretty clear about???????) but either way it was hurtful and honestly immature, especially in the case of the people who promised we would stay friends. Idk if this will get back to yall and even if it does you'll probably talk amongst yourselves about how right you were to leave me, what a pain I am, and how much better you are than me bc your activism looks a little bit different from mine. Do you feel better now? Now that I'm no longer annoying you with my personality or pissing you off for caring about dead Jews? Thanks for four entire years of what turned out to be a complete lie. The only reason I don't think I wasted my time there is because I still have a few friends in the server who I love dearly and who didn't randomly drop me (thanks you guys). I figured out I was nonbinary and a lesbian in this server. I met a few of you in person. I gave a lot of you advice. I thought of some of you as my younger siblings. But message received. I'm out of your lives now. Thanks for doing it in the worst way possible. Hope you feel great about yourselves. Bye ig.

#jaytp #happy one week since i discovered a bunch of my friends secretly hated me <3

[my-adhd-gremlin-blog]

And then there was one...

I made the Bad Boys final episodes together even angstier.

Enjoy?? 🤣

_

The wheat tickled Jimmy's ankles as he and Scott strolled up to the bridge's edge. He couldn't stop trembling.

"Scott, I'm scared."

He didn't need Jimmy to clarify; he knew exactly what the man meant. Scott stayed quiet, giving his friend a moment to collect himself.

"This curse... I thought I'd make it this time. There was never any hope of me winning, but... I really believed I had escaped my curse. I must be the universe's biggest joke," Jimmy scoffed, pushing up his sunglasses to press the heels of his hands into his eyes.

Again, Scott said nothing, thinking very carefully about the next words to come from his mouth. What could he say that would offer Jimmy any comfort now?

"I don't think you're a joke, Jim," he finally said, barely above a whisper. "And maybe it's not a curse, but a blessing in disguise."

Without a thought, Jimmy grabbed Scott, ready to throw him down to his death. Scott caught himself, grabbing the front of Jimmy's jacket.

Enraged, Jimmy shouted, "Why would you say that? It's my life, Scott! In what world is my death a blessing?!"

"Because you get spared from the grief of losing the people you care about!" Scott retorted. "Listen to me, Jimmy. As someone who has won this thing once, out-living your allies is a pain that's indescribable."

Jimmy, steadier now, pulled Scott squarely onto his feet again. Memories of a flowery valley drifted hazily across his mind. He was listening.

"When you get eliminated first, you get to meet us in the next Life, without any of that guilt. Knowing you took someone's final life, or many final lives, just doing what you could to survive, it eats away at you. I envy that you are free from that, Jimmy, because that guilt stays with you."

A shaky breath escaped Jimmy's lips. "I'm just so fed up of being the laughing stock. I want to prove that I'm worth something, that I'm not weak."

"Weakness is betraying your best friend just to keep air in your lungs for a little longer. You are not weak, Jimmy." Scott's hand fell lightly on Jimmy's shoulder. "Your timer is still ticking away. Do you want to do this, or not?"

For a moment, just a split second, Jimmy hesitated. Then, he removed his sunglasses and looked Scott dead in the eyes.

"I'm sorry, Scott. I have to."

Scott nodded. "I understand. Good luck."

As Scott fell, Jimmy turned away. He couldn't watch.

-

A fall. Jimmy knew he wouldn't survive the day, but he had hoped he would at least have had the chance to say goodbye to the Bad Boys. His brothers. But his death had happened so quickly, there was barely a moment to process it before he was gone. Perhaps that was why he chose to hang around for a while. To try and capture the time that had been stolen from him; to watch over his team like a guardian angel.

Joel had lost his mind. Grian was barely holding it together himself, torn between his loyalty to Joel and his innate urge to survive. When Joel was at death's doorstep, Jimmy silently pleaded to whatever was out there for a miracle. They didn't get one. Joel was back at his side, but now Grian was alone.

Maybe Scott was right. It's better this way.

●

Time was running out. Joel's timer was creeping ever closer to zero, and he was panicking. They had just laid Jimmy to rest, but he couldn't afford himself a mourning period. If he didn't act fast, Joel would be right there with him.

The other players were relentless. No matter how many times Joel got back up, they were just knocking him back down again. He needed to find Grian.

After being chased all over creation, Joel finally had a moment to reconvene with his teammate on the bridge. With only an hour left, he was getting desperate. He stood at the edge, looking down at the land below him, and his knees went weak. It was an awful long way to fall.

"What if I pushed you off right now, Grian? Wouldn't that be funny?" It was a joke, but there was a quiver in his voice.

Grian didn't miss it. He took Joel firmly by the shoulders and forced the man to look him in the eyes.

"You need time. I would do it for you, Joel, in a heartbeat. Bad Boys for life," he said. "We have to stick together, we're all we have left."

Joel took a deep breath. Hope wasn't lost yet. He still had Grian... right? A frown took over his face, something suddenly eating away at him.

"What were you doing with the Nosy Neighbours earlier?"

Grian faltered and stepped back, arms falling back to his sides.

"W-we were just... talking," he stammered.

"Yeah? What about?"

Joel's voice had hardened; there was an argument brewing.

"Listen, it's nothing personal. You've been acting reckless since Jimmy died, and... well, you're going to run out of time."

Grian took a few more steps back, away from the edge, knowing this conversation was not going to end well for him.

"I've been making new allies," he continued. "When you're gone, I'll be vulnerable. They've agreed to let me join their team."

Joel stood there, stock still, hands curling into fists. He was shaking.

"So, that's it then? You've already counted me out?"

"This is a game of survival. You know that. I've got to make plans for every eventuality," Grian replied, keeping his voice level to try and pacify Joel. "If our roles were reversed, I wouldn't be upset at you for doing the same."

"That's not why I'm upset!" Joel shouted. "Join the Nosy Neighbours, I don't care. Pearl and BigB are good people. I'm angry because we've only just buried Jimmy, I've not taken my final breath yet, and you've already given up on us!"

"Joel, it's not like -"

"No, Grian! I've been alone, fighting for my life, and you've been defending another team! I needed you, and you weren't there! All this talk of sticking together, and you weren't there."

Grian looked down at his feet, ashamed. "You're right, I'm sorry."

They stood there and stared at each other. Joel's shoulders slumped. He had no more energy, and he was wasting time. Silently, he offered his hand to Grian. Truce. Grian took it.

-

"Joel! Kill me!"

"No! Not if I can kill Scar!"

"You haven't got the time, kill me!"

Desperation had gripped them both. Joel's life was down into minutes; they were going to lose each other.

Disengaging Scar, he turned back to Grian. With Scar still in pursuit, and a very unsteady hand, Joel missed nearly every blow. Until he didn't. But Grian's time wasn't enough.

Scott's arrow landed, and Joel's world went dark.

You have run out of time.

●

"Skizz, your friends are alive! Mine are dying or dead!"

Those words cut like knives in Grian's throat as he chased away the interloper.

-

While laying traps for the Nosy Neighbours, proving that he could be trusted, that he was a real ally, Joel lost more time. He would be very low by now, and the realisation twisted in Grian's heart.

"I'm going to have to go," he announced.

Pearl offered a sympathetic smile. "Of course. Your Bad Boy is in trouble."

He swallowed the lump in his throat. "He hasn't got much time left. I need to... to say goodbye, otherwise I'll regret it."

Jimmy's face as he fell, eyes wide with shock, barely comprehending his fate before it was too late, haunted Grian once again in that moment. Let Jim do it, he'd said, Jim needs the time. One of his brothers, gone because of him, and they never got to say one word to him. He wouldn't make the same mistake with Joel.

-

They were all swarming Joel, and he had nowhere to run. Their resources were low, but that wasn't stopping Grian from trying to keep up Joel's supply of explosives.

As he fumbled, all he could do was shout encouragement to his teammate. "You've got this, Joel! Get 'em!"

He heard the TNT blow up, and Joel's frustrated cry as it missed his targets.

Please, just hold on for a second longer, he thought, working as fast as he could to assemble the bombs for Joel.

"Grian! It's not going we -"

Joel's words were cut off by a loud clap of thunder. Grian's heart stopped. Looking up from his crafting bench, everything had gone still. All had gone quiet, except for the gentle trickle of the water flowing over the sides of the former Bread Bridge.

"...Joel?"

He ran to the end of the bridge, not wanting to believe what had happened. Joel wasn't there. Grian had lost another brother.

"JOEL!"

Grian moved as though his body wasn't his own. The memory would be hazy, like waking from a dream that slips away just as quickly as it came. He'd remember Pearl taking his arm, guiding him towards Frog Tower on unstable legs. He'd remember BigB's strong arms holding him as he wept. He'd remember the dirt under his nails as he dug the grave.

-

That night, Grian slept fitfully. Nightmares visited him, of creeper blasts and scarlet stained sand. The flash of his blade under the sun streaming through a canopy of leaves. Dripstone, pointed and deadly, plummeting towards its victims.

Eventually, Grian found himself at Joel's grave, wrapped in his and Jimmy's jackets.

In a hushed voice, he began speaking to the headstone. "Everywhere I go, I seem to leave a trail of graves in my wake. You were doomed from the start."

He hugged the jackets tighter. They still smelled like his brothers. On the headstone was Joel's pair of sunglasses. Grian's own were tucked in his pocket. Retrieving them, he held them out in his flat palm before letting them fall onto the hard cobblestone floor.

As he stood, his head swam. He closed his eyes against the dizziness, but was only plagued by the visions that had been tormenting his dreams. When he opened them again, a single tear escaped from his lashes.

"I'm sorry, boys."

Grian lifted a foot, and brought it down heavily on the sunglasses. They snapped clean in two.

-

Author's notes: 1) I had so much faith in Jimmy 😭🤣. I'm trying to put lipstick on a pig, but at this point it's just sad. 2) The pacing of Joel's POV is kinda rushed, I'm sorry. I was trying to keep each segment roughly the same length, but there was more I wanted to say. Namely, Grian is bad at alliances. In case it wasn't obvious, I'm a little bitter that Grian basically abandoned Joel to make friends with the Nosy Neighbours while Joel was being hunted. Could he not have just waited until after? (There’s no real heat to this, BTW, I understand why Grian did what he did, I just think Joel might have survived a little longer if Grian had been defending him). 3) This took me so long to write because I had to sift through so many clips of Grian's entire Life series just for that ONE paragraph in the third segment. I know people talk about Grian being "cursed" to kill/cause the death of his allies, so I was looking for examples of that. FOR THE ANGST! 🤣

Anyway, this is what I've been hyperfixated on for the last few days. Thanks for reading.

#mcyt #mcytblr #limited life smp #limited life spoilers #trafficblr #traffic life smp #jimmy solidarity #scott smajor #joel smallishbeans #goodtimeswithscar #grian #pearlescentmoon #bigbst4tz2 #bad boys limited life #nosy neighbors #mcyt fanfiction #life series fanfic

[wrenwrights]

My Konig Headcanons (Konig's Past)

First off, I'd like to thank everyone who read and enjoyed Afterlife. That was my first work on Ao3, and I really appreciate all of the Kudos and Comments. I checked my Ao3 and nearly jumped out of my computer chair, I was proud and excited that people liked my little one-shot. Again, thank you guys so much!

Since I started working on my little project, I've had to develop Konig's character since the fandom has given so little information on him. But, dear reader, that's honestly never stopped me before. So here is the headcanons/backstory I've got for Konig so far. It goes from childhood up to the point of meeting the main character. Now! Onto the headcanons! I'd like to mention first that these headcanons are specifically for the fic that I'm working on, and many are in no way to cannon to the actual lore of Call of Duty.

***

Konig's life before the military was a normal, caring one; his mother and father loved each other dearly. His sister (Sophia) was Konig's protector, walking him to and from school. His father was his idol, taking him hiking or wood working every Sunday. His mother was Konig's greatest love; she made Konig feel better when his classmates teased him.

And oh, how the other children teased him. At six, Konig was already about as tall as his eleven-year-old sister and weighed almost twice as much. He was just a big, sweet goofball of a child who knew why other kids laughed at him but didn't really understand why. His father used to frown at the sight of Konig's tears, patting his shoulder and saying, "Everything will be okay, buddy." Konig didn't have a lot of friends; actually, Sophia was his only friend, so his father's little pet name for him was like a soothing bandage over his lonely heart.

Then, Konig's father left when he was ten. No notice, no call, no apology; he just didn't come home from work one day. It tore the only life Konig had ever known out from under his feet. His sister shut down, distancing herself from Konig. His mother cried all the time. Konig couldn't believe that his father was just... gone. Not dead, gone. It was a fact he couldn't accept, and he'd ask his mother over and over if his father had called or was even home.

His father never came back, and Konig had to learn that tears solved nothing in life.

The military was where Konig really felt he flourished. He joined at 17, not really knowing what else to do with his life. He found some kind of peace and simplicity even during drills and operations, and he was good at it. Good at carrying out his orders, a good fighter, a good soldier. The military did something to him; it taught him how to deal with his anxiety, how to build up walls to keep everything inside, hidden almost.

He quickly went from a quiet soldier to a cocky and, dare say, arrogant man quickly rising in his ranks. His new mask certainly helped, not only with his own confidence but with his intimidating presence.

He'd tried hard to become a recon sniper, knowing that his sharp eyes and intellect were perfect for the position, but Konig's superiors looked at his size and saw another use for him. They used him as an insertion specialist, essentially a human battering ram that could slam his way through doors and tear through the battlefield. Often, Konig's handiness skills were used in human trafficking situations, breaking prisoners from their cells. It wasn't a job Konig detested, but with every mission, something weighed heavy on him. In many cases, the people he freed were scared of him, refusing to go anywhere near the giant man who had just ripped a door off of its hinges. Not that Konig blamed them. He had done things on the battlefield, seen things, had made decisions that had been detrimental to his team.

At some point, Konig joined KorTac, as a contractor. Taking missions for the highest bidder and leading his team (occasionally Konig took missions from Task Force 141 when they paid high enough). This is where Konig can say he met his first friend, Kim "Horangi" Hong-Jin. They were an unstoppable team. Konig became known for his ability in warfare strategy and his skills on the battlefield. The other operators respected Konig for his skills, his rank.

And this is where Konig meets the main character. I want Konig's romantic headcanons to be a different post, so for now, I'll leave it as is. Thank you, dear reader, for enjoying my Konig headcannons! I'm still working on my little project; every day, I get a little more done with it, and I'm so excited for it to finally be finished I'm shaking.

Until Next Time,

Wren.

#headcanon #creative writing #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #konig call of duty #konig mw2 #konig cod #call of duty #reblog #writeblr #wrenwrights

[sxilor-1010]

I promised I'd show off my beeg Halloween oc family, so that's what this post is about. All the art was done by my buddy @InfernalJade on Twitter and Newgrounds, please go check her out.

Other than that, here is my biggest group of OCs I have. Update (4-8-23): Added their respective voice claims! Please check for the latest reblog to watch. Update (8-6-23): Renovated the sypnosis and character descriptions so they're better written! Please take your time rereading :) Update (9-4-23): Made an Introduction video for the blog, please watch that first here before reading about each characters!

Within our world lies many tales, and in those tales lay legends told throughout history. Tales of trolls and true love, cautionary tales for children and the childish, and stories of the supernatural and superstitious. All of these fables were recorded over the years by many different people over many decades.

But that’s only to the people of Earth and the Dead. Beyond both planes lies a third realm, one where the Autumn Equinox rules forever. The days and nights are never too cool or hot, and a place full of humans and creatures of myth. This realm is Samhvilia, and it is the home of a wealthy family known as The Orthos Family.

The Orthos Family has been around for generations, and have been seen as high royalty to many in Samhvilia. It is here that The Orthos Family are keepers of deep knowledge. Books of lost history and much more from Earth are found and polished for Samhvilia to read. Whatever kind of book you wish to find, The Orthos Family will have it somewhere within their library filled walls. Not only that, but they’re the family that holds the Power of the Autumn Haunt (Halloween). Without it, Halloween would’ve been lost to time long ago.

But… even if they hold much knowledge from past decades, there is one story that remains untouched, untold by time. There is more to The Orthos Family than what everyone sees, and when two of the youngest sons in the family find a piece of an unsolved puzzle, they discover there is more to the Family and Samhvilia than anyone would ever thought.  Join the children of The Orthos Family, as they embark on a journey of mystery. To understand a rabbit hole of untold history, and the true powers of the Autumn Haunt and those after it.

THE CHARACTERS

Founded by the Patriarch Samhe (Saw-way) Orthos, The old turnip has lived through much history and hell that he's grown tired over these last generations. He's often reserved to himself, but his cold and what feels like emotionless attitude can make the hairs of anyone who sees him stand up instantly.

He's not used to the world and how much it's changed, even outside of Samhvilia. His personality is that of a strict father, a tough and cold attitude to show he means business. In his spare time, Samhe likes writing in his room or reading a gothic book to himself.

Following Samhe is the Matriarch of the clan, Willo Orthos, A rutabaga headed nature spirit. She's somewhat similar to Samhe in terms of a strict parent, but she doesn't come off as cold or emotionless like he does. In fact, she's quite the opposite. Willo takes happiness in ger role as a matriarch and mother, teaching her children lessons for them to use as they grow older, and even offer a helping hand to those in need.

She has a few degrees in spell making, culinary alchemy, and party arrangements. Other than that, Willo is loved by her family and even by some other children. A kind mother despite being uncanny.

Moving from Samhe and Willo now comes the children. The first son of the family, Crane Orthos is the eldest of The Orthos Family children. He was raised by Samhe under a golden child influence, which developed his personality into that of pride an arrogance.

There are days where he's selfish, yet this doesn't mean Crane is completely heartless. He cares deep down for those close to him, whether it'd be his family or close friends (assuming he even has any friends). In his spare time, Crane likes to practice his sword fighting skills alongside writing down stuff in his private journal.

The next child of the Orthos Family is Hallows Orthos, the second oldest son in the family. Hallows' personality is described as charming and energetic, an optimistic go getter who loves playing tricks and pranks and having fun. He is also close to Crane, despite Crane having slight jealousy towards Hallows for being the Spirit of Halloween.

He doesn't care too much for his family's history archiving tradition, but rather he embraces the Autumn Haunt every single day. He is the Spirit of Halloween afterall, so to keep such a title and power is important. Otherwise Halloween as a holiday would've been nonexistent long ago. When he's not playing tricks or gobbling down bowls full of candy, Hallows loves playing around with his younger brothers and visiting Earth from time to time.

Next is the adopted daughter of the Orthos Family, Batile orthos is a vampire bat fairy who hailed from a different part of Samhvilia before she became a foster child. In the family, she's the older sister. It's unknown whatever happened to her previous family, but Batile doesn't remember. She's quiet, sassy, and a reserved bookworm who, like an actual bat, spends time hanging from ceilings reading or sleeping.

She's often the medium between Hallows and Crane whenever they argue, the older sister to keep Ignus and Scorch from making bad decisions, and her relationship with Willo by learning magic and feeling like she's a part of the family. In her free time, Batile likes to read magic books to help furbish and even improve her magic skills.

Finally, we have Ignus and Scorch Orthos, the younger twin brothers of the Orthos Family. Ignus is the one in the orange sweater vest, while Scorch is the one in black. Ignus and Scorch's behavior and age are equivalent to that of tweens, ones who love to play tricks and find new adventures wherever they go. They can be a bit dumbfounded, and even comedic, but both twins stick together even when things get dark.

Ignus is described as adventurous and mischievous, while Scorch is smart and cautious. Together, these two like to cause hijinks wherever they are, and they also have a great relationship with Hallows.

Binded by flesh and soul; We, The Orthos Clan, dedicate to the archives of this world.

#sxilor speaks #oc dump #halloween #all hallows eve #pumpkin #pumpkin head #nature spirit #nature spirits #faewilds #faery folk #fae oc #samhain #halloween oc #🎃 Buncha pumpkins runnin' round; Orthos Family Stuff #ocs #my ocs #my ocs do not steal #sxilors ocs

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

I don't have the energy to message people individually so here is the vent I sent to @munsons-maiden.

I'm tagging people who asked or people I wanna tell - @fandomohana @thefreak0fhawkinshigh @rosesloveletters @darklylucid🫂💗🫂💗

HERE IS WHY TODAY CAN GO DEEP THROAT A CACTUS.

Okay so first of all, I got into work today knowing I would have to do a raffle, but I was told that it would be from 2pm, meaning I had the majority of my shift to do my normal workload. It would be a tight squeeze but it was doable. BUT I GOT THERE AND FOUND OUT THAT I HAD TO DO THE WHOLE THREE HOURS 11AM-230PM, MEANING I ONLY HAD THREE HOURS FROM 8AM TO 11AM TO DO AN ENTIRE SHIFT OF WORK WITH NO HELP, WHILE ALSO HELPING THE OTHER PERSON DO THEIR WORK TOO BECAUSE THEY'RE A TRAINEE!!!!

So that had me on edge almost as soon as I clocked in, and then I saw a dead bumblebee on the ground and just immediately burst into tears. I love bumblebees, just as much as I love cats and snakes and sharks, and it just totally set me off. I'm really sensitive about animal harm/death ANYWAY, I can't watch a horror film if it has it in it, and all I could say to a coworker was "there's a - thing - and it - dead, can't - " and then I was gone; I was sobbing for about twenty minutes and then crying on and off for about forty minutes after that, while doing my normal work, I was just letting myself cry. People were so so sweet and kept asking if I was okay and I'd tell them what was wrong and that would set me off all over again. So I'm going between my work and my co-workers because we only had three hours to do all of our work which normally takes an entire shift, because we had to do the raffle at 2pm (it was a summer fete at our care home today).

And I was nervous about that because I have severe generalised anxiety (I scored 21 out of 21 on the GAD test💀) and I cannot do crowds of people; our care home is always busy when we do events and last year during the summer fete I had multiple anxiety attacks; I did my shift while darting upstairs every now and then to cry and pull myself together. People at work KNOW I am severely anxious but my work senior, who wasn't there today, volunteered me to do the raffle a) without asking me first and b) knowing I don't like crowds, am an introvert and very anxious and c) asked last year not to be made to do the summer fete this year, and between all of this, the call bells constantly going off, the doorbell ringing with people coming in, running around with drinks orders for coworkers while also trying to do my own work in time and help out my coworker, I was overstimulated by 11am and the day just didn't get any better.

I have been itchy, ANGRY, bad mood-y, everyone get the FUCK away from me all shift, while also having to smile and do the raffle and occasionally go off to finish something I couldn't do in those three hours before the raffle, I didn't get any break because we were too fucking busy so I couldn't even sneak a look at Eddie or sneak an Ozzy song to help me pull through, the music was shitty and too loud, people were too close and there were too many of them, I don't like crowds or people or being expected to deal with things like this, and I was honestly in such an awful mood and yeah, to an extent I took it out on my coworkers, one of them brought me a coffee because "you're getting bitey" and they weren't being mean about how dead my tone was but I felt so guilty so that didn't help and then when it got time to do the actual raffle, neither me nor my coworker knew how to do a raffle so I was totally flying blind and that didn't help the anxiety so I was just following vague instructions from people who DO know how to do it and the whole fucking shift was a fucking MESS and then when it got time to get changed to go home, I GOT ASKED TO HELP CLEAN SOMETHING UP AND PUT THINGS AWAY SO I ENDED UP DOING OVERTIME WHEN I HAVE ALREADY DONE OVERTIME THIS WEEK AND JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MY JOB IS TAKING TOO MUCH FROM ME EVERY DAY.

It's a good thing I'm not at uni at the moment, the weather is so hot and my job is so physically intense with every shift being between 26 - 28,000 steps AS WELL AS IT BEING EMOTIONALLY INTENSE so all I have the energy for when I get home is to take care of my body and then collapse into bed to watch horror films. I haven't 'seen' Eddie or read a fic or ANYTHING for almost a week because I'm just so tired and I miss Eddie and I just... I just want Eddie. I'm overstimulated STILL almost four hours after my shift ended, I want to cry, I'm angry and pent up and frustrated and I'm working now until Wednesday; that's my next day off and I just KNOW tomorrow and all the other days are gonna be this demanding and my job is too fucking much but in this economy, I'm lucky to even HAVE a job and hhhhhhhhhh I just want Eddie and I want Uncle Wayne, too.

I don't know how to calm myself down, it feels like my skin is on fire with itches and it's hot outside and I.... I'm just really REALLY tired. I want Eddie. But also, I wouldn't want him to see me like this, at my worst. This isn't the Eri I'd want him to see. My job is eating me alive.💔

Every shift is like this, it's relentless, there's no let up, and I feel so inadequate and like I'm not enough to deal with this. I'm so tired.

[munsons-maiden]

Kiki!! I am here to vent about today!! You don't have to reply if you don't want to! Thank you for letting me vent to you.🫂

Okay so first of all, I got into work today knowing I would have to do a raffle, but I was told that it would be from 2pm, meaning I had the majority of my shift to do my normal workload. It would be a tight squeeze but it was doable. BUT I GOT THERE AND FOUND OUT THAT I HAD TO DO THE WHOLE THREE HOURS 11AM-230PM, MEANING I ONLY HAD THREE HOURS FROM 8AM TO 11AM TO DO AN ENTIRE SHIFT OF WORK WITH NO HELP, WHILE ALSO HELPING THE OTHER PERSON DO THEIR WORK TOO BECAUSE THEY'RE A TRAINEE!!!!

So that had me on edge almost as soon as I clocked in, and then I saw a dead bumblebee on the ground and just immediately burst into tears. I love bumblebees, just as much as I love cats and snakes and sharks, and it just totally set me off. I'm really sensitive about animal harm/death ANYWAY, I can't watch a horror film if it has it in it, and all I could say to a coworker was "there's a - thing - and it - dead, can't - " and then I was gone; I was sobbing for about twenty minutes and then crying on and off for about forty minutes after that, while doing my normal work, I was just letting myself cry. People were so so sweet and kept asking if I was okay and I'd tell them what was wrong and that would set me off all over again. So I'm going between my work and my co-workers because we only had three hours to do all of our work which normally takes an entire shift, because we had to do the raffle at 2pm (it was a summer fete at our care home today).

And I was nervous about that because I have severe generalised anxiety (I scored 21 out of 21 on the GAD test💀) and I cannot do crowds of people; our care home is always busy when we do events and last year during the summer fete I had multiple anxiety attacks; I did my shift while darting upstairs every now and then to cry and pull myself together. People at work KNOW I am severely anxious but my work senior, who wasn't there today, volunteered me to do the raffle a) without asking me first and b) knowing I don't like crowds, am an introvert and very anxious and c) asked last year not to be made to do the summer fete this year, and between all of this, the call bells constantly going off, the doorbell ringing with people coming in, running around with drinks orders for coworkers while also trying to do my own work in time and help out my coworker, I was overstimulated by 11am and the day just didn't get any better.

I have been itchy, ANGRY, bad mood-y, everyone get the FUCK away from me all shift, while also having to smile and do the raffle and occasionally go off to finish something I couldn't do in those three hours before the raffle, I didn't get any break because we were too fucking busy so I couldn't even sneak a look at Eddie or sneak an Ozzy song to help me pull through, the music was shitty and too loud, people were too close and there were too many of them, I don't like crowds or people or being expected to deal with things like this, and I was honestly in such an awful mood and yeah, to an extent I took it out on my coworkers, one of them brought me a coffee because "you're getting bitey" and they weren't being mean about how dead my tone was but I felt so guilty so that didn't help and then when it got time to do the actual raffle, neither me nor my coworker knew how to do a raffle so I was totally flying blind and that didn't help the anxiety so I was just following vague instructions from people who DO know how to do it and the whole fucking shift was a fucking MESS and then when it got time to get changed to go home, I GOT ASKED TO HELP CLEAN SOMETHING UP AND PUT THINGS AWAY SO I ENDED UP DOING OVERTIME WHEN I HAVE ALREADY DONE OVERTIME THIS WEEK AND JESUS FUCKING CHRIST KIKI MY JOB IS TAKING TOO MUCH FROM ME EVERY DAY.

It's a good thing I'm not at uni at the moment, the weather is so hot and my job is so physically intense with every shift being between 26 - 28,000 steps AS WELL AS IT BEING EMOTIONALLY INTENSE so all I have the energy for when I get home is to take care of my body and then collapse into bed to watch horror films. I haven't 'seen' Eddie or read a fic or ANYTHING for almost a week because I'm just so tired and I miss Eddie and I just... I just want Eddie. I'm overstimulated STILL almost four hours after my shift ended, I want to cry, I'm angry and pent up and frustrated and I'm working now until Wednesday; that's my next day off and I just KNOW tomorrow and all the other days are gonna be this demanding and my job is too fucking much but in this economy, I'm lucky to even HAVE a job and hhhhhhhhhh I just want Eddie and I want Uncle Wayne, too.

I don't know how to calm myself down, it feels like my skin is on fire with itches and it's hot outside and I.... I'm just really REALLY tired, Kiki. I want Eddie. But also, I wouldn't want him to see me like this, at my worst. This isn't the Eri I'd want him to see. My job is eating me alive.💔

Fucking Hell, this sounds like a fucking nightmare of a day.

I'm so so so sorry you've been going through all this shit today, and I'm so FUCKING ANGRY on your behalf. I've volunteered in a hospital for a year so I know what it feels like to do everything everywhere all the time all at once while never catching a break and I have so much respect for you for going through with this. And as a fellow gal with anxienty disorders (they're, like, our matching friendship bracelets or some shit😂) I can absolutely understand the horror of this day. Jesus H Christ.

I'm gonna run your work senior over with my car. If I take the ferry I can be there before your next shift starts 😂 But seriously, I'm sorry you've had to deal with this shit. And I hope you know Eddie, Wayne, AND me are proud of you 🖤 I'm sending you the biggest hug ever (just without a gif this time because my wifi is a bitch today) 🖤

#kiki answers #eri 🎸

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Healing With Storytelling

"They look into your soul, they see what you're missing, and they take advantage of that..."

"For a con artist, deception is a constant practice...they aren't delusional; they're doing it very deliberately..."

"All con artists always return to conning... they're really personable and fun...they have an explanation for everything..."

These are all pieces of interview quotes from psychologist (and poker player) Maria Konnikova from the documentary FyreFraud.

J and I (mostly I) have been on and off watching programming and listening to podcasts about scams and cults for the past several years. We watched FyreFraud and The Inventor, the documentary about the Theranos scandal before basketball games the past couple days. And for the past couple of days, the media has really been helping me feel better. And media has always helped me feel better.

A couple days ago, as I did housework, I was listening to a podcast about emotional abuse and one episode was about abusive parents, and one was about a cult situation, and each of those people talked about how seeing something on television helped them heal and gave them hope and showed them that the situation they were in wasn't right. The person with abusive parents said that watching Full House and how Danny Tanner parented his fictional kids showed her that it was possible for a parent to love and listen to and be attentive and kind with their kids. She even said, "I thought maybe this only happens on sitcoms/TV," and it's not real, but then she began to see hints of Danny Tanner in her friends' parents and her teachers and neighbors. The podcast hosts sort of half jestingly said they wondered if Bob Saget knew he helped someone see their life could be better. He probably didn't, but I bet the podcast guest isn't the only kid he helped, and as corny as that show is, or so many fictional stories about families are, I think they do help a lot of people have hope for better days ahead and better relationships.

And the person in the cult situation said they truly didn't see the cult behavior and structure in the organization they were involved with until they saw Leah Remini's nonfiction series about scientology and saw the similarities. They actually openly thanked Leah Remini for telling the stories.

Storytelling, both fiction and honest nonfiction, does heal people. Personally, I've always found it a lot easier to have compassion and care and be moved to justice and kindness for other people than I have for myself. Storytelling has always allowed me to see myself in other people, and made it easier to have compassion for myself. Like the person gaining insight and hope from Full House, I felt that too as a girl, reading books and watching films and shows about loyal friends and attentive parents and patient romance. And I solve problems and create happy endings when I tell the stories I create too. I hope it helps people. Even if they think I'm corny like Full House.

Those quotes from the FyreFraud documentary at the top made me realize that what I'd probably experienced throughout late 2021 and 2022 wasn't a tragic shift in someone's addiction or mental illness. It was a scam. A con. And they'll be back conning now with new marks, I'm sure. I certainly never would have bought in for thousands of dollars for a tropical island luxury concert festival, or investing in a medical tech start up, but those films did help me see what I did experience for what it was and how carefully crafted con artists can be. They can target you specifically with what they've gleaned will make you trust them. I'm not even a very trusting person. In fact, I'm notoriously socially cautious and skeptical. But they still got me by telling the exact right lies and deflecting any doubts in the exact right ways for over a year. I'm grateful for this storytelling. And I'm grateful for Not Dead Yet and Bob's Burgers and Animal Control for humor and affection and silliness and sentiment too. I need storytelling to heal, and I'm hoping to write new stories soon that hopefully help other people heal too.

#personal #storytelling and feeling better #still working through a lot of stuff but at least I feel like I'm on the upswing #yeah I'm binge consuming scams and cults but I guess that's how I'm dealing with liars at the moment

[sery-chan-13]

Mockingly in Love

Ch. 19 of '100 Promises'

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Mhm that's right not dead let's goo

I'm so sorry that I haven't updated as much as I should :( I just lost all motivation for writing and had a ton of family things going on while trying to write.

Warnings: swearing, arguments

The past few days had been uneventful. Games were pretty low ranking for you now, only adding a day or three to your visa.

But here you were, out on a suply run, only this time with Usagi and Kuina.

"How... how do you have so many days on your visa?" Usagi asked quietly. You looked down, adding up the cards that you'd played since you were here. "By playing the games I guess," you shrugged, thinking of it as something if no importance. "You must be really lucky then. To have survived all those times, I mean," she said quickly.

Luck? You hardly considered this luck. Maybe out of pure spite is why you were still alive. To show your father, even if he wasn't here, that you weren't weak. That you could do things. Life threatening things.

"Lady Luck isn't on my side. But I am a very clever person."

You and Kuina sighed in relief against the cold pavement of the floor. Of course there had to be a mob of people chasing after you.  You were never much of an athlete.

"If it hadn't been for your athleticism, I'd be dead right now. Thank you," you said with a smile towards Usagi. "You too Kuina. I mean the way you just -BAM! and kicked him off? So cool, very much a girl boss moment," you giggled. "No, thank you for your cleverness," Usagi said, looking away. You smiled, grabbing Kuina's hand and Usagi's hand, raising them up to the sky. And laughing. Kuina shouted something along the lines of 'victory' while you and Usagi laughed, not really knowing what was funny. It has been a while since you'd had friends other than Niragi. Which sounded a bit strange now. Why had you never had other friends? You'd had acquaintances, but they never stayed to long. Usually a few days, maybe a couple weeks before they would leave, giving a lame excuse as to why. But you never really minded.

Back at the Beach, you quickly avoided the people crowding in the lobby, finding an escape up to the roof. Surprisingly, you found Chishiya, sitting on the edge, his legs dangling over. "Hey 'Shiya," you said quietly, walking over to sit with him. "Hello,"he whispered back.

A suffocating silence filled the air. "You still love him, don't you?" He said, out of no where, bringing back the topic. "What? No. No.... I don't," you denied. Chishiya sighed. "You know, I may not be good with emotions, but you're such a bad liar,"he said. "Sure," you scoffed.

"You've still kept promises from how long ago? And even now you're still worried about fucking breaking them. I don't make it obvious all the time because I'm me, and I know how I am, but I care for you. A lot actually. So I'm sorry thats he didn't stay the same. Did you really think that he would stay the same sweet boy, who would protect you and make you feel better all the time? Because if you did, grow the hell up," Chishiya said, his voice sharp, knowing exactly where to cut. Your eyes welled up with tears. He was right. It hurt so much, but he was right.

"I'm... I'm sorry I didn't mean to go that far i was-"

"No... no, its ok.... you're right anyways. Promises we made when we were 15, still have a meaning, but not when all this is going on," you sniffled. "And after all of this... you're still in love with him," he whispered. He was a bit hurt. He liked you, really liked you, but he knew you didn't feel the same. He would rather you be happy with the person you really wanted. "I.... think I am. Which is horrible. I just... I wanted so badly to get over him, but I couldn't. I still love him, and I don't want to. But I can't get over it, and I can't tell him either because well... we've both been ignoring eachother,"you stated, wiping away the tears that had fallen down your cheeks.

"No need he already heard."

You turned in shock to the voice.

Niragi was standing behind both of you. You felt Chishiya's hand leave your own, as he got up and left. "Good luck. And if all goes wrong, like I'm expecting it to be, you know where my room is," Chishiya stated, leaving you and Niragi. Alone.

"So. Are you going to stand there or are you going to talk?" You said, standing and getting away from the edge. "You're still in love with me?" He asked quietly. So quiet, you thought it was your imagination. You nodded. "After everything I've fucking done, you still love me? I pushed you away, I broke promises, I made you cry, I've ruined your relationships with others, used others, and you still love me?" He said, his voice cracking a bit. You looked up to see his eyes filled with tears.

______________

"(N/N) I hate him! I hate him I hate him I hate him!" Niragi screamed, sobbing into your chest. All he could remember thinking was 'how could he do this to me I'm a kid. His fucking son.'

__________________

"Just leave me alone! You're so much better off without me... I don't want you to get hurt... please," he whimpered, tears streaming down his face.

___________________

Everytime he'd ever cried in front of you due to an overflow of emotions ran through your mind.

"Yes. I do. And?" You responded shakily. He took a step away, running a hand through his hair. "You're so dumb. So fucking dumb! I did all that to push you away so you could be safe! You don't know how much danger you're in when you're with me me! Its been this way since we met, (Y/N), I put a target on you! Horrible things happened to you because of me!" He yelled. "Its all my fault! I hurt everyone who cares about me... even you."

____________

"A-and she... he tripped over one of my toy cars. My mom had told me to pick it up.... but I didn't. I wish I had listened. He fell down our stairs. He hit his head pretty bad... had a concussion, and due to other complications, he died two weeks later. I killed him, (N/N).... It was my fault."

____________

"Its not your fault. You push people away as a self defense mechanism due to past traumatic events. Its what happened with Rin. Its what you're doing right now. And unless you let people in when you're having a hard time with feelings, you're going to end up alone, Suguru. Or worse, like your father," you stated, stepping closer.

He stared in shock. You should be leaving him on the roof right now. He's pathetic. Crying like some child. But a part of him, the part of him that remembers crying into you as you ran your hands through his hair, yearned for him to feel like he did back then. A mess of tears and emotions.

You kneeled down with him, opening your arms, and enveloping him in a tight hug that he immediately returned.

He forgot how good being held by you felt. You whispered things into his ear he couldn't really hear over the sound of his thoughts. Had your voice always sounded so melodic? He pulled away slightly, looking at you. Your (e/c) eyes were filled with empathy. And hurt.  He knew he had hurt you. Yet here you were comforting him.

He watched your gaze fall down and quickly back up again. He pulled you closer, your lips almost touching. "I'm so sorry... about everything," he whispered. "... I know you are," you said back. He then pushed his lips to yours. You were shocked, but kissed him back.

And this time, after pulling away from you, seeing your slight blush, he didn't run away.

"I know I fucked up. But I'm going to make it up to you. Somehow. Believe me, " he said, helping you to your feet.

Just then the door opened. "Sorry to interrupt you two love birds, but uh we just got a new arrival. Hatter wants all higher ups to meet," you heard the voice say.

#alice in borderland #×reader #niragi #chishiya #angst #im sorry #100 promises

[degnarra-easelbox]

I'll send one back to *you*! List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ❤️

why the uno reverse i mean thx for asking @glammoose! sorry i took a bit long actually ive had a near-offline weekend and just been switching between lurking around on Tumblr and progressing through the latest season of Tribes of Midgard.

when previously prompted i chose to talk extensively about Griff-N-Dawk so this time i'd like to talk about Odin a bit. gameplay & lore info below!

Odin here was actually a legacy starter sim for a new save at the time. my sin in starting the legacy however was i had it on long lifespan and became real bored real fast. so we just begun to lollygag, hooked up with Marcus Flex for a moment and stopped playing entirely (not without saving him to the Gallery for later use)

in said legacy game: his literal surprise death was the last thing that ever occurred. like i s2g i did nothing other than ask for a massage from Flex and he dropped dead in his own house! thankfully, i pleaded to Grim using Marcus and he was alive before i exited the game but OH MY GOD did i crack tf up when this occurred LMFAO.

as i started my first Evergreen Rotation with Odin, i actually started where i left off with letting him and Marcus be an item again... but shit hit the fan, Marcus disclosed of his non-committal ways and they broke it off. it was a sad lil moment but Odin had already found trashdigger Knox around the same time and i guess you can simply say as long as those hands were washed off they made the relationship work.

Odin has always felt like a person who, in concept, doesn't need much but some socialization and companionship to make it through life, probably the character i aspire to be the most out of my many Sims and OCs cuz even with all the creative aspirations i may have at this current moment, (like having an career as an artist for instance) it doesn't mean shit when you're doing it all alone sometimes.

he will join just about any club given to him just so he can grab some more friends to chat with. he's in Jeremiah's fathers-bowling group Pins For Lunch! on the basis he is a "plant daddy". speaking of... Odin & Jeremiah's acquaintanceship formed quite quickly into comradery to the point that when Odin moved in with Knox, he also gave his apartment to the Oasis Springs resident who wanted to live a better distance towards his son Leland. yay to being closer to the people you care for!

#asks #ts4 #simblr #evergreen rotation #jan23 #oc info