#i’ve focused on myself and taken care of myself in ways i never thought i would be capable of this year

[unluckiestmember]

Baldur's Gate 3 X Innocent! Reader

Characters: Astarion Ancunin, Shadowheart, Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep, Lae'zel, Wyll Ravengard, Karlach and Halsin

Tags: friends to lovers, acquittances to lovers, in denial, overprotective, fluff, indirect kisses, Gale being Gale, fake love (until it's not), established relationship and innocence.

Warning: SFW. Light suggestive themes.

A/N: Yes, your eyes do not deceive you. No, I'm still in a chokehold-

Astarion Ancunin

“Well aren’t you just the cutest thing ever? I could just eat you right up, darling~.”

When he first met you, Astarion knew you were an easy target. A nice meal he could exploit, especially if you’re a virgin, and a great pawn for the road ahead. He would deliver sweet nothings to you in hopes of sleeping in your bed and drinking from the pure blood that coursed through your veins. But as time continued, as you showed how sweet you were, the pale elf found himself genuinely falling for you.

He wanted to protect you from the world around both of you and bite anyone who tried to hurt you. He’d even hesitate on feeding from you out of fear he’d hurt you or expose himself to your pained gasps. You were his precious jewel he couldn’t afford to be taken from him or tainted in any way. With everyone else, he’s still a flirtatious and snarky vampire spawn. But around you, he will always be a sweet man who wants to make sure you’re okay. His princess… That being said, don’t expect him to stop flirting with you. He adores when you get flustered.

Shadowheart

“Stand behind me! I don’t want you to get hurt! Just do as I say, okay?!”

At first Shadowheart thought you weren’t real. That there was no way in the nine hells that there was someone as pure as you. She genuinely thought your personality was a charade. So she watched you carefully, waiting for you to show your true colors in the form of berating someone or betraying one of the campers. But you never did. You always stayed true to yourself.

When she realized that you were probably the most modest person in your motley crew, the Shar Worshipper became attracted to you. She spent more time with you and suddenly felt like she needed to take care of you along your adventure together. Similar to Astarion, Shadowheart tries to be ever so gentle with you, never using pain in bed and out of bed unless you approve of her actions when she asks for permission. It’s evident to everyone she cares deeply for you and wouldn’t mind spending her life with you.

Gale Dekarios

“It’s been such a long time since I’ve seen the embodiment of happiness. Who knew I would find that in you?”

You had Gale’s heart as soon as you said hi to him. It didn’t take long for this man to turn into putty around you nor to become friends with you. And he fell in love when you always gave him magical objects without hesitation. Asking him if he’s alright and stroking his head after he eats his weave? He was swooned. The closer you two became, the more the wizard would share his life with you like an open book and offer any kind of lesson in magic to you.

It didn’t take long for him to admit he had romantic feelings for you, leading to you to become a couple. At camp, he is a gentleman, always asking if you need anything in between kisses to your cheek and becoming bashful with you when you bless his ears with your giggles. Outside of camp, he’s focused on you, making sure no one lays a finger or spell on that cute head of yours. You bring the best out of Gale and make him the happiest man in all of the realms.

Lae’zel

“G’lyck. If you’re hurt, then go to the ghustil… Hurry up or I’ll drag you to her myself.”

You were a liability to Lae’zel. Always getting hurt? Never killing your enemies? Checking up on everyone over yourself? She wanted nothing more than to throw you to the wolves so you wouldn’t ruin the group’s odds of survival. She hated you with a flaming passion. She hated how you always asked if she was okay. How you always treated her wounds after a battle and dare to kiss her injuries better. How you cowered behind her during combat.. And especially how you made her heart flutter when you slept across from her by the campfire, watching your cute face in a state of peace…

If it was up to her, she’d kick you out of the camp for what you’ve done to her. She swears it. But for now? She guesses she’ll keep you around for a little longer. Besides, she knows without her you’d die out there. You need her and she needs you.

Wyll Ravengard

“Don’t fret now, I won’t let them lay a finger on you, not when the Blade of Frontiers is right by your side.”

Wyll always wanted to have a romance like fairy tales. Save a fair princess or prince from their troubles like a knight in shining armor while slaying dragons. To meet someone who was the sweetest thing alive and experience real happiness with them by his side. So when he met you, you can bet he felt like he won the jackpot! He found your bashful nature and careless personality to be a breath of fresh air, especially when he was punished by Mizora.

At first you were a great friend, but when you took care of him, polished his horns and always checked if he was alright after fights, true love sprung between you two. It didn’t take long for him to confess his feelings to you and take your hand as your boyfriend. From that day forward, he’s been your savior on and off the battlefield when he wasn’t your sweet lover that showered you in compliments and kisses. You are positive that with Wyll you are bound to have a happily ever after.

Karlach

“Aww, you’re so adorable I just wanna squish your cheeks and hug you forever!... I can?! Well, come here, you!”

It was love at first sight between you and Karlach. After you splashed her with water and made sure she was okay, the barbarian’s heart was in your hands. She was so used to meeting backstabbers, manipulators and liars that she wasn’t sure there were any good people left. But you proved her wrong and she was so happy you did. Because of you, she made it her sole mission to get infernal iron so she could touch you.

When she couldn’t, she would share indirect kisses with you using rocks and even gift you her teddy bear Clive when you couldn’t hold her. And when she finally was able to touch you, she held you as if her life depended on it. There isn’t a moment where you two are not touching in and out of camp. You make her feel alive again in more ways than one and to her you are her soulmate. She loves you so much and will do anything to make sure you know that.

Halsin

“If you were a part of nature’s divine design, then you are a pure ray of sunshine given by the Oak Father.”

Halsin immediately gave you his trust and respect when you saved him without a reason to. It didn’t help that he also found you to be adorable with how nervous you got around him and how you stuttered a bit. With how you were, the druid quickly grew an interest in you, wanting to be beside you and feel your skin against his. He loved how you were so considerate when he wild shaped, petting his head and playing with him effortlessly.

In the wilderness, you were something like his mate, always protected by foes and checked for injuries. If there were any, he would bandage them as quickly as he could and carry you the rest of the way back to camp. When everything was settled, he’d immediately cuddle you as himself or as a bear. You were perfect in every way to him and for that, he would be your sole protector no matter what.

If you got any requests for Baldur's Gate 3, send them my way!

Likes and retweets are always appreciated! I love you all, stay hydrated and have a good day! <3

#baldur's gate 3 x reader #baldur's gate 3 x you #astarion x reader #shadowheart x reader #gale x reader #wyll x reader #lae'zel x reader #karlach x reader #halsin x reader #fluff headcanons #x male reader #x female reader #x innocent reader #i'm in a chokehold #requests are open #requests are welcome #requests are still open btw #x reader #fluff imagine #i had to do it to em

[georgie-weasley]

Tutor G.W. x Fem!Reader

Warnings: I think one swearword

Word Count: 3k

Paring: George Weasley x Fem!Reader

Summary: George thinks the best way to get to know you is to pretend he needs a tutor

A/N: This has nothing to do with a birthday but I wrote it yesterday as my birthday gift to myself because I wanted it.

Masterlink Taglist

George Weasley was not stupid by any means; he just chose to spend his time focusing on other things besides school. Him and his twin probably could get amazing grades if they wanted to but they didn’t want to. Both of them were fine being subpar in school because that wouldn’t matter anyway. However, George was always fantastic at Transfiguration. Though he would mess around and get on every single one of McGonagall’s nerves, he always managed to get the work done and ace the tests. Until recently that is.

The bell signaling the end of class rang and the students gathered their things. George laughed at something Fred said as he shoved his most recent test into his bag. “Mr. Weasley.” Came McGonagall’s voice from the front of the room. The Weasley twins turned to face her. “George, come here please.”

George sighed and waved to his brother. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

As Fred left, George made his way over to McGonagall’s desk. She glanced at him over the rim of her glasses, her face stern. “What can I do for you Minerva?” Her glare worsened and George cleared his throat. “I meant to say, what did I do now Professor?”

McGonagall sighed and folded her hands on her lap. “George, what’s happening to your grade? I know you usually only care about the minimum grade required to continue Quidditch in your other classes but typically, if you can believe it, you’re one of my top students.”

George shifted from foot to foot, unsure of what to tell her. He wasn’t about to tell her that he and his brother are planning on opening a joke shop after school. If she knew, he was sure she would disapprove or tell his mother. He was in his seventh year so really he knows he should be focusing on school and his grades but he wasn’t interested. “Just been busy.”

The look on her face told George she didn’t believe a word he said. “George, let's be honest. You have never studied for my class since your first year. I’ve seen you pay attention maybe 10 times. However, you still managed to get some of the best scores in your class, even your whole year. Want to fill me in on the actual reason your grades have dropped?”

George chewed on his lip as he debated telling her the truth. He could already hear Fred’s whining if he did tell McGonagall the truth but she was staring at him and likely wouldn’t stop until he spilled the beans. “Fred and I are planning to open a joke shop after school so really we don’t need to work hard in school.”

McGonagall sighed and shook her head. George was prepared for her to tell him it was a horrible idea; everyone else he bothered to tell thought they were idiots for wanting that. “I think it’s a wonderful idea but you can’t stop trying in your classes. I hate to do this but with your grade as is, you’re not allowed to participate in any Quidditch matches until your grade improves.”

“But Professor you can’t! The first game of the season is in three months. I have to play.” George went from elated to have her support to more heartbroken than he ever had been within seconds.

“I can and I just did. Now, I’ve taken the liberty of asking my top student to be your tutor. Once your grade has shown improvement, then you can go back to Quidditch.”

George knew there was no way to convince her to change her mind. Maybe if it hadn’t been his final year playing Quidditch, he wouldn’t have minded as much. George loved the sport but he could have lived without it for a few months if he had to. He didn’t want to but if he was forced, he would have survived. Being his last year at Hogwarts, he wouldn’t get any more games after the year was over so he had to make the most of it. Besides, maybe he could ditch the tutor and figure this all out on his own. Now that he was thinking about it, he hoped his tutor wasn’t horrible. “Who did you assign to be my tutor?”

At that moment, the door to the classroom opened and you walked in, your arms filled with books. He watched you with wide eyes, entranced by you. He’d seen you around the castle before but he never got the chance to speak with you. While he was causing chaos everywhere he went, you were always studying. George also knew that you were in the highest level class in all of your subjects; his know-it-all brother Percy would be pissed to know you were smarter than him. There was no denying how smart you were but George didn’t realize until this moment just how beautiful you were. Sure, he thought you were gorgeous from a distance but now that he was seeing you this close, gorgeous wasn’t enough to describe just how stunning you were. He should probably stop staring at you but he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“Miss Y/N? Please come see me.” McGonagall sounded like she was speaking through a tunnel. Her voice seemed to be so far away from George he wondered if you had actually put a spell on him. You set your belongings down on a desk before making your way up to the front of the room. With each step you took, George could feel his heart speeding up and his lungs struggling to get air.

“Yes Professor?” George stared at your lips as you spoke. He felt a little like a creep but he couldn’t stop watching.

“I was hoping you would be willing to tutor Mr. Weasley. I’d be happy to give you some extra credit if that would help.”

George held his breath, waiting for your answer. He was hopeful you would say yes even if it was just for the extra credit. “Sure.” George felt like he was flying on the fastest broom known to wizards after hearing your answer. The bell rang, meaning George would be late for charms but McGonagall had thought that through and handed him a note to explain his late arrival. McGonagall moved away from her desk, gathering papers from the students as you turned to George.

He could see your mouth moving but he couldn’t hear a single word coming from you. George saw your face contort into the most beautiful frown. What happened to make you so upset? Was it him? He searched your face for any indication on what could have gone wrong when you crossed your arms over your chest. “George? Can you meet me in the library after dinner?” You snapped your fingers in his face, causing him to come back down to earth.

“Oh, yeah sure. I can do that.”

With a roll of your eyes, you walked away from him and sat in your seat. McGonagall ushered him out of her class as he tried to wrap his brain around what just happened. Well, he had until tonight to get himself together.

---

After dinner, George made his way to the library, a room in the castle he hardly ever visited. Almost right away, George spotted you. Towards the middle of the room you sat at a table surrounded by books. With a little spring in his step, he bounded over to you, sliding into the seat across from you. “Hello Y/N. How are you this evening?”

You ignored him, grabbing a book and setting it in front of him. “Professor McGonagall said that you’ve been falling behind the past few months so I figured we could start easy to make sure you aren’t completely incompetent.” You dropped a handful of buttons onto the table and looked at him expectantly. “Turn them into beetles.”

George smiled and waved his wand, easily turning the buttons into colorful beetles that started to scurry away. Before you could react, he waved his wand again and they turned back into beetles.

“Follow me.” You grabbed your things and walked out to the courtyard, George following close behind. The courtyard was full of other students messing around before it was time for bed. He saw quite a few students with bright orange and purple boxes; he would have to tell Fred he saw their products being used out in the wild. George was too distracted watching the other people he didn’t see that you had stopped, causing him to ram right into you. You stumbled backwards and George shot his arm out to catch you around your waist, saving you from falling into the fountain.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, a crooked smile on his face. You scowled, trying to keep your own smile hidden. He was cute, you could admit that. However, he was loud and obnoxious and clearly didn’t care about anything but himself.

You cleared your throat and moved his arm away from you. His cheeks turned almost as bright red as his hair which you found to be endearing. “Turn this rock into a frog.” You picked up a rather large rock from the ground and set it on the edge of the fountain. With ease, George did as you asked and made a perfect frog.

The series of tests continued. You would tell George to transfigure something and he would do it without issue. Even the harder spells he did perfectly. This made no sense to you. Why would McGonagall claim that he needed a tutor when clearly he could do everything just fine? “Are you pretending to be stupid or something?” You finally asked George as you both walked in the castle, heading to your common rooms.

George looked at you in surprise. “What do you mean? I need a tutor.”

“No you don’t George. You did every spell perfectly. Even the one I gave you from my class which you are not in. You’re smart. On Monday I’m going to tell McGonagall you don’t need any help.”

Absolutely not. There was no way he was going to just let you go like that. You were far too smart to be in any of his classes and you were never around when he had any free time. No, George wanted to spend time with you no matter what. “Can we at least meet up again tomorrow just to make sure I know everything?”

You crossed your arms over your chest, sure there had to be some sort of trick forming in his brain. “Fine. Tomorrow at the lake at three. Don’t be late.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

---

The next day, George waited by the lake for you, a plan forming in his head. It wasn’t his best plan but George knew if he wanted to see you again, something would have to happen. As you approached the lake, you watched George. He was much more calm when he was alone, something that you really liked. While you hardly ever spoke to him before yesterday, you had seen him around school with his brother and friends. He was so loud and open and just excited to be alive so it seemed. He was very different now on his own but you liked it. It was easier to admire his handsome features when they were relaxed. Though, he was very handsome when he was laughing and smiling too. You could even argue he was more attractive when he was happy but it was just easier to see him like this.

George spotted you and a wide bright smile crossed his face. He jumped to his feet and swooped down into a bow as you approached him. Despite trying not to smile, you couldn’t help but giggle at his theatrics. “Good morrow to you my fair lady.” He reached out and took your hand in his, kissing it.

With a roll of your eyes, you took your hand from his and dipped into a curtsy. “Good morrow to you, kind sir.” If it was even possible, George’s smile widened at your answer. He stood up straight and took your hand once again to lead you to a blanket he had set up. There was a picnic basket overflowing with snacks and a bottle of what you were sure was not champagne. Upon closer inspection, it was sparkling apple cider.

George blushed a little as he watched you take in the setup. “I thought you might appreciate snacks while you tutor me. It’s no easy job.”

You chuckled and set your books down on the blanket. “George, you’re incredibly easy to tutor. You already know everything.” You opened one of your books and searched through it to find a spell for him to try. You wanted something that wasn’t too difficult but still should challenge him. You settled on a spell you had been working on in your advanced class. “See that big boulder?” George nodded. “Turn it into a pig.”

Seeing how well he did yesterday, you were sure this would be a spell he could easily pick up on. George cleared his throat and nodded, moving closer to the rock. He cast the spell and instead of the rock turning into a pig like you expected, nothing happened. You both frowned as he tried again. And again. And again. George tried to turn the boulder into a pig for ten minutes but he never managed to do it.

“Well, maybe that one was a little harder. Why don’t you try the one we did yesterday?” You stood and grabbed a small rock to set in front of him. “Can you make it a frog?” He should be able to easily do it since he did it perfectly yesterday.

George flashed you a cocky smile. “Of course I can.” With a flick of his wand, the small rock grew frog legs but was still a rock. You both watched as the rock tried to hop around. George tried to hide his smile as you turned to him in shock. This is exactly what he had been planning on. All last night he thought about ways to keep you around. He thought that maybe if he swept you off your feet then you would be impressed and want to spend time with him but he worried it wouldn’t be enough. So, he decided to suck at transfiguration. If he was horrible then you would continue to be his tutor and he could spend more time with you and get to know you more. Then after all of that, you could at least be his friend if not more. Of course he’d have to still do better on his tests and homework so he could stay on the Quidditch team.

Sensing some bullshit, you crossed your arms over your chest. “Interesting. Maybe we should go back to the beginning?” You dug around in your bag and pulled out a matchstick. “This is one of the first spells you learn. Matchstick to needle.” Theoretically, this should be even easier than the buttons and beetles he did yesterday. Turning one inanimate object to another inanimate object is extremely easy; he should be able to do it without issue.

George nodded and took the matchstick from your hand, letting his fingers linger on your palm just a little longer than he needed. He set it on the ground and cast the spell but once again, nothing happened. George turned to look at you, hoping to see a confused expression on your face but he didn’t. You were looking more bored than anything. “Huh, I guess I do really need a tutor.”

You stared at him, wondering if he’s really doing what you think he’s doing. “George, are you pretending to be stupid?” It was the same question you asked him yesterday.

George gave you a sly smile. “What do you mean? I need a tutor.” He answered you, saying the exact same thing he said yesterday. You rolled your eyes and started packing up your things. George rushed over to you and grabbed one of your books. “Please wait.”

“No George. You knew you didn’t need a tutor and yet you insisted on meeting with me again today to what? Lie? Give me my book.”

George looked between you and the book in his hand before he slowly handed it over. “Can I at least explain why I did this?” This was all blowing up in his face. Somehow he thought that maybe you wouldn’t realize what he had been doing but he should have known someone as smart as you would have noticed.

“Fine.”

He was surprised you even gave him the time to explain himself. “I wasn’t trying to use you or waste your time. I just wanted to spend time with you and I thought this would be the best way.” He rocked on his feet as he waited for any response from you.

“Why would you need to create some dumb excuse to spend time with me?” You hated it but your heart was fluttering at the idea that George wanted to spend time with you.

George flushed bright red and rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. “Well, I think you’re really pretty and I wanted to get to know you more.”

Neither of you moved. George kept his eyes on the floor while you watched him. You had never been one to be bold; that was more George’s speciality. However, today was the time you needed to be bold. “I happen to think you’re really pretty too.”

George’s head snapped up and he looked at you with wide eyes. As he got over his shock, he smiled brightly. “Well, then what do you say we turn this tutor session into a date?” He gestured to the picnic blanket behind him.

“I’d really like that. Just promise me one thing?”

“Anything.”

You smiled and grabbed his hands in yours. “Don’t ever pretend to be stupid again.”

Taglist

@100gaysnails @george-weasleys-girl @weasleybuns @s1aaaaayyyyyyyt @asuperconfusedgirl @jsjcue @daisydark @creepybloodykitty2 @themarauderswife7 @mintyme101

#hp fanfic #hp fanfcition #harry potter fanfiction #george weasley fic #george weasley fanfiction #george weasley #george weasley imagine #george weasley x reader #george weasley fluff

[angel-of-the-moons]

hi!! i’ve recently been struggling with my eating disorder, and i was wondering if you could do a hobie x gf!reader where reader is having a really hard time eating and he comforts her and helps her eat? lots of physical touch and words of affirmation if possible - and if this req is uncomfy i get it !!

Awww hon I hope this helps you feel a bit better!

Let Them Eat Cake (Or Something)

Soft!Hobie x Fem!Reader

TW/CW: Eating Disorders/Anorexia, hints of depression, bullying, some mental trauma, back at it again with the fluffy bullshit (Hobie also makes an inappropriate promise but nothing is detailed lol)

A/N: I myself struggle with eating disorders brought on by financial strains and mental issues (still do) so I totally understand this kinda thing!

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

It was the little things Hobie did to take care of you that most people probably couldn't imagine someone of his niche to do.

Things like peeling off the nutrition labels to things you'd buy at the grocery store so you couldn't stress over the calories (or lack thereof), buying those meal replacer shakes for you to try when you didn't want to eat; hovering over (respectfully) when you prepared your meals, saying little things to encourage you to fill your plate more.

"Ay, you should try this. Saw it online and heard it tastes pretty good with that, yeah?"

"Jus' a bit more, I can still see some on ya plate there. Almost done and it's less stuff wasted, right?"

He would even call or text you to eat one of the little snack baggies he'd prepped you full of healthy snacks. Even if it wasn't a full meal, helping you eat throughout the day brought him peace of mind so he wouldn't worry about you wasting away.

He'd read up on eating disorders and didn't like it one bit, so he devoted half his time with you around meals more focusing on you, even while he scarfed down his own portions.

Hobie had an insane metabolism, it was like he was constantly eating something in some way or another to keep himself going, and at some point you'd joked he had a black hole for a gullet.

But still, he would watch you out of the corner of his eye, taking your little mouse nibbles here and there, sipping your drink...

He knew that bringing it up front would only upset you, so he'd do little things to distract you from your thoughts of your food. He'd play little games with you. Like 20 questions. If you got one wrong, you'd have to eat another bite of your food. It would continue like that until your food was gone and you didn't realize it.

A punk with a heart of gold, Hobie Brown was. Though he'd never admit it out loud, even the members of his band would snort and laugh at how soft he was with you; though they understood completely why.

Today, you and Hobie went out for lunch, and you two attracted more than a few curious glances at your contrast in styles when you sat down to order. People just loved to stare, didn't they?

You idly played with your chips, pushing them around on your plate, your chicken sandwich sitting with just a few bites taken out of it.

"Ay, luv. Eyes bigger than your stomach, again?" Hobie asked, sipping his pop.

"Yeah... I just didn't think there'd be so much of it. I just..." You sigh, feeling defeated.

You'd had this problem since you were barely a teenager, and it only got worse after time. At least you stopped making yourself vomit up all your food.

You remember how badly it went when your mother caught you doing that.

In truth, you only started starving because... well. In school you were always insulted by the "prettier" girls. You'd always assumed you were pretty too, that's what your parents and relatives would always say. But being in the face of a gaggle of obnoxiously made-up girls rag on you in the lavatory, in gym class, or lunch... the pressure to be "thin" was hammered into you. If you looked like them, they would leave you alone.

And from there it went. You'd tried dating before, but none of your partners ever took care of you. Hell, one of them practically encouraged it and showed you diet pills online. You broke it off pretty quick after that.

Hobie was honestly the first to not automatically suggest you get locked in a mental ward, or just force yourself to scarf portions that were too much for your shrunken stomach to handle. Hobie was gentle and sweet, understanding with you.

Like he was right now.

"Well we can box it up and you can toast it up for later, alright?" He suggested.

His own plate was empty and your still practically full one wasn't lost on him. But he knew that directly pointing at the elephant in the room would only upset you.

His boot nudged your foot under the table and he gave you a smile, his eyes lighting up.

"Yeah.... yeah I can do that." You smile back sheepishly, letting Hobie flag down the server so he could pay (his treat, after all) and get you a to-go box.

🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸

Later that night, Hobie had reheated some leftovers from the night previous and toasted your chips and sandwich for you to finish off again; because ugh, nobody enjoyed soggy microwaved chicken and chips. And if they did they were a complete loon.

You sat snuggled up on the sofa, your food in your lap as Hobie's characteristically empty plate lay on the coffee table next to his propped up feet as the program droned on the television in front of you.

His hand rubbed your arm lazily up and down in a soothing motion as his eyes flicked down to your plate.

"You gon'a finish that, luv?" He hummed softly, kissing the top of your head.

"I..." You sighed down at the plate in your hands.

"'S all right." He mumbled into your hair. "But ya do worry me, baby. How about this... if you finish your food.... hm."

He looked at the ceiling and you could tell that he was faking thinking of something serious.

You knew it especially when he gave you a cocky smirk.

"If you finish your food, I'll do that thing you really like, for you, eh?"

"Hobie!" You snort, rolling your eyes at him.

"Oh? Not what you want, hm? How about..." He tapped his chin with his free hand, once again making a grand gesture of "deep" thought.

"Fine fine... how about we go to that li'le art museum you've been goin' on about?"

Your eyes light up and you look at him.

"Really?"

"Yep! Really. But only if you finish your food." He put a finger under your chin and kissed your nose.

"And eat breakfast tomorrow."

"Deal!"

Hobie smiled to himself as you tore into your food with motivation.

Being Spider-Man didn't always mean fighting the oppressive regime they were stuck with. It wasn't always about thwarting criminals in the streets.

Sometimes it was about coming home and making sure his girlfriend had enough to eat.

And that was plenty for him.

#answered #hobie brown x you #hobie brown x reader #atsv hobie #hobie spiderverse #hobie x reader

[yourlocalmerchgirl]

Is it ok if I call you mine? Part Three

Soft!Joel Miller x Neurodivergent/ anxious F!reader

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Joel is falling for you as deeply and quickly as you are for him, both taken by surprise that the other actually feels the same way.

Soft! Joel miller x neurodivergent reader AU (outbreak never happens)

Warnings: soft Joel, concerned Joel, protective Joel, neurodivergent, audio overstimulation, anxiety. Best friend Tommy, falling in love. Acceptance, low self esteem.

A/N: Writing this story and connecting with all of you that it’s touched has been exactly what my heart needed! This will be the last installment of this story (at least for now) but I’ll be focusing on bringing you all more neurodivergent reader stories! Please let me how what you all think of the story conclusion for these two and if there’s character stories you’d like to see in the future

There’s not a lot of descriptors about reader other than eye color but they can easily be changed.

Song pairings for this arch:

Dave Matthews Band: Here On Out

In complete shock that Joel would even remotely share the same feelings as you, all you can do is nod your head as tears well in your eyes.

Joel runs his calloused hand along the side of your face before resting to cup your cheek.

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” He asks as he searches your eyes, wiping away the tears with the pad of his thumb.

“Nothing…I promise these are happy tears… I just I never thought you’d share the same feelings I do, I was honestly ready for the rejection.”

“You make me feel happier than I’ve felt in a very long time, more like myself than I have in a long time” Joel says and leans in to place a gentle kiss on your lips, his lips surprisingly soft.

You waste no time returning the kiss as your hand finds purchase in his hair.

Joel pulls away wrapping his arms around you and rolling back over onto his back pulling you into his chest. You both just lay there holding each other and just taking joy in each others presence. That is until your stomach growls so loud it makes you both bust out laughing.

“What do you say we get you some breakfast baby girl?”

“And coffee?” You giggle out

“You think I’m gonna give you breakfast with no coffee? What’do I look like a crazy person?” He chuckles, watching you as you sit up swinging your legs over the side of the bed.

“No I’m just making sure. You don’t want to see me without my coffee” you tease as you turn back to look at him, it’s the smile you give him that does it. Even while he’s still laying down, your smile makes him weak in the knees.

Joel sneaks up behind you as you’re mid stretch wrapping his arms around your torso, pulling you flush against his chest. A giggle bubbles out of you when his scruffy beard tickles your neck as he peppers you with kisses. He hums at the sound of it, he can’t believe this is real, that you feel the same way as him. The warmth of his body around yours is soothing.

“You make me so happy Baby Girl” he says looking at the two of you in his mirror.

“You make me so happy too Joel” you tilt your head back to look at him, unable to help the smile you have when ever you’re around him.

“I like you calling me baby girl” you say, smiling wider when you see the look in his eyes and the smile on his face at your comment.

You pad down the stairs a little bit ahead of him and catch a glimpse of Tommy in the living room as you reach the bottom.

“Tommy!”

“Hey Darlin!”

Joel watches as you hurry over to Tommy as you hit the floor, his heart swells at the love and care you have for him. He understands the bond you two share over your similar disorders understanding each other in away only the two of you could. Joel’s so happy to see his brother have someone like you for a friend.

“You alright? Did you get some rest? I was really worried about you”

“I was worried about you too Tommy, you didn’t have to put yourself out into the storm, I know the thunder isn’t your friend either”

“I wasnt gonna have the two of you out there alone, you two are the most important people in my lives. I couldn’t not be there for both of you.”

Tommy pulls you into one of his big bear hugs, as he squeezing you tightly you let out a little grunt.

“Jesus Tommy be easy with my girlfriend would ya?” Joel teases. You can’t help but smile hearing it out loud, a smile that Joel doesn’t miss.

“Shit sorry sweetheart didn’t mean too…

Oh…wait did you say girlfriend…are you two….shit are you two official?” Tommy asks whipping his head back and forth between you and Joel.

Tommy’s gaze settles on you as you’re smiling ear to ear.

“We are” you say nodding with a smile as you reach your hand out to Joel. Joel gabs your hand pulling you into him and settles his arm around your waist.

“Bout damn time” Tommy says laughing.

“But seriously I’m so happy for you two” as he throws his arms around you both.

When you get up to grab some more coffee you over hear Tommy and Joel talking.

“I’m gonna still go over to the house and do some things and make sure everything’s all good from the storm and I’ll be back before the Cowboys have there kick off for tonight’s game”

“Shit…you sure? I know you need help with the dry wall and installing some of the new sinks, I can help after work this week.”

“Take me with you guys” you pipe up from the edge of your coffee cup.

Joel and Tommy both turn to you shocked by your comment.

“What?”

“I don’t want you guys changing your plans because I’m here. If you need to go work on Tommy’s house, take me with you. There must me something I can help with? Painting? Cleaning?”

“Are you sure, you don’t have to do that?”

“Of corse I’m sure, I’m going to need to borrow some old clothes to wear though.”

Joel can’t help but light up when you enter the bedroom wearing the sweatpants and shirt he gave you. The sight of you wearing his clothes made his heart skip a beat.

“Those look way better on you than they’ve ever looked on me”

“Oh please that can’t be true, but they are cozy”

“Are you sure about this? I’m not trying to put you to work or anything.”

“Joel…I would feel extremely guilty if you didn’t help Tommy just because I was here, I want to go, I want to be helpful. Plus I also just want to spend time with you.” You turn to face him to find he’s already looking at you.

“You would come to work with me for the afternoon just because you wanted to spend time with me?” Joel says pointing at himself almost as if he didn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I would, if you wanted me there, I’d be there everyday with you.”

Joel doesn’t say anything, he just looks at you in amazement. That’s when the panic starts to set in. Am I being to much? Was that to much to quickly. I’m being clingy. FUCK. I’m being clingy.

“Sorry! I shouldn’t of said that…I’m not trying to be weird” you say nervously when he continues to say nothing.

“You just keep amazing me more and more. Give yourself some credit sweetheart. I’d happily take you to work with me every damn day. You think I wouldn’t jump at the chance to spend time with you?”

————————————————————-

Tommy sets you up, having you doing some painting in the living room while him and Joel are working on some other projects.

You don’t see him but every once in a while Joel poked his head into the living room to see how you doing.

“Tommy! You wanna come help me lift the counter top with the sink” you hear Joel yell down the hallway

“Tommy!” Joel yells again, mumbling under his breath when Tommy doesn’t respond.

You look back to see Joel trying to lift the counter top himself.

Jesus.

“I can help you with that” you say as you hurry to your feet and over to him.

“You sure sweetheart? Thank you”

“Well I can’t have you hurting yourself on my watch” you say making you both chuckle.

“Plus Tommy’s music is loud enough to wake the head, he’s never going to hear you yelling”

The two of you lift the counter top up into the position.

“Thanks baby girl” Joel coos as he gives you a kiss.

“C-can you…uh can I watch you install it? I can hold the flash light for you.” You smile nervously, immediately worried about being in his way.

“You want to learn how to instal the sink and counter top?” Joel inquisitively asks tilting his head as he looks at you.

“Oh only if I won’t be in your way…never mind it’s ok I’ll just go back to painting”

“I would love t’show you bout what I do”

Joel hands you the flash light as you sit down on the floor together. As you guys lay there under the sink Joel is explaining every step and why each step is necessary. Your silence as he’s explaining makes him think for sure that your just humoring him, that you asked to learn about his work because you thought it’s what he wanted to hear but he couldn’t be further from the truth. When he turns his head to the side to look at you he sees just how intently your listening to him. You eyes are filled with happiness and interest. He loved how content you were, how much you truly enjoyed being on the job with him learning and asking questions when you wanted to understand things better. It’s in this moment Joel realizes how happy you make him, how completely in his element he is when he’s with you. That you completely except him for who he is, there’s no need for him to try to hide parts of himself to placate you.

“Well shit, ain’t the two of you just cute under there.”

“Oh Tommy shut up, someone had to help him when you didn’t, plus he was teaching me and I was enjoying it” you tease sitting up from under the sink. And that’s when you hear it, Joel’s laugh. His boisterous full belly laugh at your response that makes you melt. From that moment on it’s your goal to make Joel laugh like that more. Your pretty sure the sound of pure happiness in his laugh could cure any anxious feeling, any self doubt about how he feels towards you.

Joel is your person. Nobody in your life has ever made you feel more comfortable in your own skin like he has. The comfort that he makes you feel in his unwavering desire to make you feel seen and heard instead of expecting you to change yourself or to act more “normal”. Joel likes you for you and you like him for him. You hope your able to make him feel even a faction as happy as he makes you.

“Can we stop at the store on the way home?” you pip up from the back seat. Joel’s heart is bursting with happiness hearing you call his house home.

“Course we can sweetheart” he says smiling at you in the rear view mirror.

“I’m just going to run in real quick”

Joel jumps out of the truck to take the bags from you when he sees you juggling 2 full bags of groceries.

“What’s all this for sweetheart?” Joel chuckles as he takes the bags.

“I’m going to make dinner for the three of us” you say as you hop in the back seat.

“Really?”

“I heard you guys saying you wanted to watch the football game and you guys busted your asses today so I thought I’d make a family dinner for us all, nothing crazy” you explain, you can feel your eyes soften the longer Joel holds your gaze.

Joel tenderly pulls you into a kiss, before Tommy embarrasses you buy whistling loudly.

—————————————————————

Joel admires the way you’re moving about the kitchen singing along to the music. He watches you for a few moments, silently gushing over how comfortable and beautiful you look. You’re in the zone while your washing dishes that you don’t see or hear Joel coming until he’s embracing you from behind, his large hand splayed over your stomach pulling you against him. A giggle bubbles out of you as your head falls back on his shoulder. A smile so wide it reaches your eyes as Joel nuzzles into your neck resting his head on your shoulder.

“Dinner was delicious baby girl thank you s’much”

“You’re welcome, I’m so glad you guys liked it, I loved having a family meal. I put the left overs in the fridge”

“Y’don’t have to hide in here, come watch the game with us”

“I’ll be in in like 10 minutes, I just wanted to finish cleaning up so we can go upstairs and relax after the game”

Your upstairs curled up in bed flipping through the channels when Joel gets out of the shower. He pauses in the doorway at the sight. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to the sight of you in his bed. It makes his heart beat a little after thinking about how badly he wants you to be what he sees every night before he goes to bed,how he just wants to hold you in his arms until you fall asleep.

You notice him out of the corner of you eye and turn to him.

“Did you have a nice shower babe?”

“I’did but it’s even nicer now that I’mma bout to crawl in bed with you.”

“I found a movie to watch, want to watch it til we fall sleep?”

“I’ll do anything as long as I get to be next to you”

“Come here” you say pulling back the blankets, your arms out stretched.

Joel climbs in bed and wastes no time curling into you, wrapping his arm around your torso, placing his head on your chest in the place right above your heart. The warmth and weight of him setting every last nerve in your body ablaze. It didn’t take long for you both to fall asleep like that, two people who spent most their lives feeling unwanted and unloveable being embraced now by the person they loved most in this world.

@kalllistos @justasadlittlebean @bcon24 @its-dee-lovely @fishingforpike @macaroni-artist @gengar-neutral @morgaussy @sailorsophiee @samarav @dionysusinparis @arlovesper @fandomsohmyohmy @lovelyladiess @lovebandrry @joelmillersblog @pinkbowsandcoffeestains s @pascal-is-punk @thatgirlpeaches @alyhull @fandomwhored @hiddenbabynyc @goldenhxurs @frecklefacelm @amyispxnk

@alongfortheridereader

#fanfic #the last of us #joel miller #tommy miller #tommy miller x reader #joel miller x reader #joel x f!reader #pedro pascal #protective joel #neurodivergent #joel miller x f!reader #writer

[m0tiv8me]

Happy Flex Friday! I’ve lost considerable strength and some muscle mass the past 6 months as I’ve taken time off to allow my shoulder to heal. It’s had me feeling fairly bummed. I also spiraled into pretty crappy eating habits, eating more processed and junk foods as well as eating out a lot due to lack of motivation to make healthy meals. It all led to a lack of energy and motivation and was tough to keep a positive mental outlook at times.

Being able to move a little weight again pain free has been the spark I needed to start to feel like my old self again. I was even able to do a few careful push ups which I’ve missed and look forward to getting back into. (still doing yours daily @marine-corps-strong ?)

I noticed a few fellow fitblrs I enjoyed following have deactivated their accounts while I was on hiatus…kinda a bummer as I’ll miss their inspiration and positivity but hope they are doing well. I’ll be honest I thought about doing the same a couple times as I felt down and out like I was never going to get better and not much of an inspiration to myself let alone anyone else….glad I didn’t let those doubting demons win.

The tone of my blog will probably feel different as I travel down the path of recovery. No exciting new PR’s or big gains to share. I’ll keep my mind set focused on just being happy to feel functional again and try not to dwell on how far I have to go just to get back to where I was.

If you’re struggling, recovering or just feeling like you’re trying to get back to a state you once were than I hope my blog will help inspire in new ways it maybe previously did not. Same journey, different path, fresh new attitude…let’s do this!!!

Btw, anyone still flexing on Fridays? Hit me with your inspiring awesomeness!!

#flex friday #fitblr #personal journey #recovery #fresh start #new attitude #back on track #health and fitness #me #personal fitblr

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Longass Crop Circles Notes (I Don't Think I've Changed Chapter Two):

I don't want to talk about how many weeks these notes have been sitting in my notes app because I couldn't bring myself to go through them yet. My sincere apologies @spicymiilk

-Ah that incredibly relatable feeling when you want to get to one part of your story and you have to force yourself to slog through to get to it. It happens to us all.

-KIRI AND LO’AK GOING TO SPECIAL SCHOOL WHILE NETEYAM IS REGULAR IS SO FUNNY TO ME. Poor Lo’ak I’m being so mean to him. But you really want their asses GONE gone.

-Calling Jake a white man and saying he can’t understand their hair is so funny. Dude NEVER helped with ANY of his kids hair ever??? He’s never done Neytiri’s for her because he’s her bitch? Come on Jake, I expected more. Even I’ve done my cousins hair a few times. Maybe Spider will fare better?

-Obsessed with the way Neteyam is about his morning routine and solitude, it jives so well with my opinion of him. He’s got to have things his way, and under his control. Taken care of well. He’s going to have a field day with Spider. I see we are already leaning heavily into Neteyam’s "I can fix him" complex. Even when he wants to help Jake, which I know is something wheelchair users don’t often want if it’s something they do all the time themselves. It’s the innate feeling of standing by and doing nothing while watching someone struggle, when it’s their day to day life. And if that isn’t Neteyam’s whole thing? I’m obsessed with how he just cannot handle anyone else’s bad vibes without trying to fix it right away. Speaking of;

-If there is not a moment where Jake allows Neteyam to help him when he needs it, I will throw myself off a bridge, Andrei. ~growth~ the opportunity is there and it’s ripe.

-JAKE AND NETEYAM BANTER, I did not realize I was in a drought until I got a little bit of rain and I realized I was DYING OF THIRST. PARCHED FOR THEM.

-Jake “Detective” Sully: You are gay, son, try not to be too gay to the new foster kid you stalk at the local Micky Ds.

-I am literally obsessed with My Father Jake Sully who was neglected and hurt as a child being the most desperate man alive to connect with and heal kids in the same situation he was in. It fits so so well in his character for me. I feel like he spends most of his life trying to heal old wounds and make up for the past, in a way.

-Neteyam “I thought this kid was named Miles for years but I guess legally on his birth certificate it def must say Spider because it couldn’t be a nickname, that’s for sure” Sully

-I am CACKLING at them both lying to each other about McDonalds as though they both don’t know exactly how often the other one is there because they both find the other hot I’m dead.

-Spider mad at Norm for enforcing child labour laws has me wanting to make memes about it. The children truly do yearn for the mines.

-All the tiny little details of how Spider focuses on the people around him, on their moods and their movements and the way his brain works is so well done. That survival mindset takes years and years to unlearn, if you ever can fully. It’s well done as always.

-OH MY GOD EVEN NEYTIRI ALSO THINKS NETEYAM IS BEING TOO GAY THIS IS AMAZING.

-Justice for Jake, I will get him one of the cars paralyzed people can drive. Also his joke about driving Neytiri up the wall? HE’S A COMEDIAN. GET HIM A NETFLIX SPECIAL.

-Spider can’t look at Tuk because he was close with a little abused foster girl, where is the nearest bridge. NO REST FOR US, ANDREI?? ALL THE PAIN AND TRAUMA POSSIBLE CRAMMED INTO ONE EPIC.

-God the line about Spider’s therapist saying that his habit will lead him down a dangerous path, but he doesn’t understand why because he only ever hurts himself because he doesn’t see damage to himself as damage because he doesn’t see himself as worthy? Not worthy of the phone, of food, of attention or love? Truly my fav paragraph of the chapter. You are a master at establishing a character in a few subtle lines. It's a tactic that I only get after a few rewrites; instead of saying "Neteyam wants to fix everyone" you show us him in a situations where he wants to and can't help. Instead of telling me Spider doesn't care for his own safety, you tell me he's confused by his therapist saying his coping is dangerous. Instead of saying emotion, tell me something that would make me feel that emotion. Writing 101, and yet so hard to pull off properly.

-I laughed out loud at Neteyam trying not to look at Spider’s muscles I am dying. Neteyam should ask him out loud.

-EVEN TUK HAS IT ON LOCK, SHE SAYS NETEYAM HAS A THING FOR PEOPLE WHO SOUND A LITTLE SAD. This is so not funny but so funny because it’s all specifically for me.

-Neteyam later in life is like that dumbass gum commercial where the guy reveals he’s been keeping the gum wrappers every time the girl gives him one and drawing on them when and where she gave it to him? That’s Neteyam when the piles and piles of smiley face receipts fall out of his trench coat pockets.

-“I didn’t realize that was you” filthy liar. Spider’s smiley face drawing rizz is crazy. You bet your ass he wasn't doing that to every fuckers receipts.

-WHAT ON EARTH IS LO’AK DOING AT SMART PERSON SCHOOL, EVEN YOU DON’T KNOW ANDREI.

-THE CUTE BOY AT THE WINDOW ASKED FOR HIS NUMBER? AS IN, SPIDER, PHONELESS SPIDER, OR ANOTHER SNEAKY BASTARD BUTTING IN.

-Also these people have real memory problems, I’ve never forgotten any awkward interaction I’ve ever had in my entire life, especially not with a crush. I couldn't hear my crush at a party last year and I just laughed and said yeah and she was like "no I asked what you think" and not a single day goes by it doesn't play behind my eyelids like the DVD in The Ring. So, unless Spider has asked every single man at McDonalds out, he remembers when he asked a guy out and the guy sped off like he had a warrant out from Dominic Toretto.

-Oh my god, it was Spider. And this man sURVIVED that encounter? This man who can’t survive a strong breeze rn? What was he going to do with number, call him from phone booths? Send smoke signals to the write telephone wire? I am cackling at the idea that he had rehearsed this so many times and yet never actually thought through not having a phone.

-The smiley face on the paper. That revived Spider from his death post awkward encounter. There will be smiley faces on the invitations to their wedding and only Tuk will understand.

#truly a banger #can you tell i had fun #as per usual though i had to listen to indie songs for the vibe the whole time #the sad songs from the heartstopper album #miles spider socorro #spider socorro #neteyam sully #nocorro #jake sully #tuktirey sully #neytiri sully #lo'ak sully #kiri sully #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa is an english major #fic recs #melissa og #melissa on avatar (cameron)

[codenamehazard]

.:Down the Rabbit Hole:.

Chapter 31: Down the Rabbit Hole

Hey guys!

Time to keep following Cole on this rigmarole of a rabbit chase and see what happens next now that he's in the big top that gives Tri-Point its name!

Without further ado, let's jump in!

--------

“Alright, you damned rabbit. This game’s gone on long enough!!”

I rip random shit out from their places as I search high and low for this antlered thorn in my side, not really caring what it is or who it might belong to. I don’t know what it’s trying to get at, but it’s only going to make things so much worse for it when I get my hands on it. “How do I see myself?” What kind of mind games is it trying to play; Especially with asking that while I was literally looking in a damn mirror? The answer is literally staring me in the face! I’m me! Always have been.

That damn question though… It circles in my head more than I’d like, fucking vultures riding a rising current of hot air. While yes, it is true that I haven’t physically changed much, but I have. God I hate to admit it, but so much has changed that I’m not even sure who I am anymore. Everything that made me the man I was is gone, torn asunder and ashes in the wind. Zeke’s been dead for what… Two, three years? Trish has been gone longer still. Empire City is crater, courtesy of John. Wouldn’t be surprised if it’s been deemed the US’s own Chernobyl or something.

Any ties I had to that old life is just… Gone. Save for whatever tiny scraps I managed to salvage… The life I had planned for, the life I wanted, will never come to be.

It’s not helped by the fact that I’ve been nothing more than either some kind of errand boy or a puppet on fucking strings ever since I was popped out of my mother. Any choice I made was either deemed incorrect, wrong or the choice was outright taken away! At this point, I’ve stopped trying.

Now I’m starting to understand the question and my answer is: “Does it fucking matter?”

My rampage in the big top continues on, leaving debris of knocked over furniture, confetti and dust in my wake when I think I see a plume of purple in my periphery. I turn my head to look, but see nothing, probably just glitter or some shit like that. However, I do spot another flash, another mirror. What a fucking coincidence.

I try to ignore it and focus on my task of finding that damn rabbit, but every time I see glimpses of my reflection, my curiosity grows… I eventually just say “fuck it” and walk over.

I make note of the mirror now that I’m actually looking at it. It’s one of those full, stand-up mirrors you find in those old as fuck mansions that are definitely not haunted. I know those ghost stories and while those kinds of things were more Zeke’s wheelhouse, with the “Killer Clown” vibes this place has going on? I’m not taking any chances… Especially with a circus full of Conduits.

I walk to the mirror, making sure I’m far enough away that should some fucking “Ringu” or “Grudge” thing be hiding in the mirror tries to grab me or some shit like that I can jump back out of reach, but close enough to see my full body in the reflective glass.

Damn… There’s a lot more change than I thought now that I look at myself fully.

My skin actually looks half-way healthy, slightly tanned from being cooked in the sun and bringing out the freckles that I had as a kid. The only hint of the pale, sickly grey that I’m used to seeing all over my body is focused on the scar that tracked across my chest like spider lightning through the clouds. First time in a long time I get to see that painful reminder.

I look at my clothes and it hammers home just how much I’ve changed, it’s honestly strange. I can see bits and pieces of someone new, yet it’s still my face, still my scars… I can almost feel my mind starting to struggle a bit. Trying to decide who this person in the mirror is even though I know it’s still me.

As I’m having a slight identity crisis, I hear something whisper in my ear. “How do you think others see you?”

A Punch Blast rips from my hands as I whirl around with a start, sending a popcorn machine and some heavy props flying in its wake. I scan the area, ready to fry the bastard that’s been toying with me ever since I stepped into this madhouse. I growl loudly as my frustration grows, seeing nothing. 

“Hey, fuzzy lil’ fucker!” I shout out, my accent starting to slip more than I’d like. “Stop fuckin’ aroun’ with me and face me!” 

All I get is crickets as I sweep the area, looking for hide or hair of the pain in my ass, but of fucking course, the rabbit is nowhere to be seen. I am getting so sick and tired of all of these games.

If I was a less stubborn man, I would have given up at this point and head back to the hospital to take a long-ass nap. Sadly, I am not a less stubborn man and I want that bunny made into a pair of leather gloves for all the grief it’s put me through.

What I didn’t know is that I’m in for one hell of a shock myself when I turn around and face the mirror again.

Staring back at me isn’t myself… It doesn’t even look human, it looks closer to a living storm, not a shred of humanity to be seen in its crimson eyes. It almost frightened me. Yet…. Somehow I knew that it’s still me.

It’s twisted and monstrous, even more so than how I am in my Beast form… Or is that not my Beast form and what I’m looking at is supposed to be what it’s actually supposed to look like? I remember John’s whole shtick was being a giant magma golem of a monster and I could never figure out how to get that.

I growl and shake my head before dismissing the reflection and walking away, remembering the question and guessing that’s what the mirror was showing; how others saw me.That I couldn’t give less of a rat’s ass about. Not surprising in the least that people saw me less as an actual person and more of a monster or a force of nature, something soulless and without care. It’s honestly nothing new to me.

I’ve been a reject of society ever since I knew what that was. Always casted aside: mocked, shunned and scapegoated in some way, shape or form. So how is this any different? Always a fuck-up, so fucking what? It’s a non-issue at this point. They can think however they want, as long as those dumb shits stay the hell out of my way, then there will be no issues.

My search for Bugs Bunny’s horned cousin continues when I think I see something else furry, a fluffy looking tabby cat sitting on a chest. Not what I’m looking for, but okay.

Though as I look at it, I can’t tell if it’s the color of my lightning or what, but I swear this cat was an odd color… Almost blending in with the hue my sparks bathed the area in, but it was definitely an unnatural color for a cat, pink? Purple? I couldn’t tell, nor did I care.

I try to get close so I can get a better look at the feline, but as I did, the cat turns to purple smoke and flits away. Are you fucking kidding me?!? First a white rabbit who can teleport, now a purple-y cat that can turn to smoke, what’s next? Am I gonna stumble across a giant ass caterpillar smoking from a hookah or something?!? I watch the wisp dart around, the sight feeling familiar for some odd reason.

I don’t have much time to ponder that before it dashes off, prompting me to go after it.

“Maybe this fucker will lead me its little bunny friend.” I think to myself before following it through the big top and find it went through a door. I narrow my eyes in suspicion, this reeks of a trap, yet something keeps telling me to push forward. Is it my curiosity? My stubbornness? Or is it me thinking that I’ve made it this far in, might as well how deep this goes?

Doesn’t matter which it is as I follow the smoke inside.

Through the door, I am damn near blinded by the amount of light my dark-adjusted eyes were subjected to, forcing me to cover them until they had readjusted. I remove my hands and my jaw falls open at the sight I see.

That cat lead me into a fucking mirror maze.

“What’s with all the goddamn mirrors?!” I growl out loud as I look around, seeing myself at damn near every conceivable angle. The scowl on my face deepens the more I see my reflections, I already don’t like seeing myself, let alone being stuck in a room that’s nothing but myself. It infuriates me to no end. It’s almost dizzying and disorienting with everything reflecting everything else. I start to step back, I’m getting in over my head. I need to get out so I can regroup and…

A voice stops my thoughts dead in its tracks as an all too familiar voice hisses in my ear, full of venom and cruelty.

“Do you want to see who you really are?”

The door behind me slams shut with a deafening “BANG” as I try to get out. There was nothing to grab hold of and no way to force it open, it’s flushed with the wall. I’m stuck in here and that damned voice laughs at my struggle and plight. I fire off an Alpha Blast to blow the door open, but it bounces off the reflection and damn near hits me in the process. I can feel my heart start to race as the fact sinks in more and more. I’m trapped in this damned maze.

I slowly turn around, knowing what I have to do, but what I see behind me… My eyes widen as I can feel the color drain from my face, my blood runs cold as I face what is my worst fear made manifest.

“No…”

#infamous #infamous 2 #cole macgrath #demon of empire city #infamous: no man's land #xeno writes #Poor Cole #Things are a bit topsy turvy #It's only going to get worse. #:) #Let's see how far he falls.

[cypanache]

okay darling. for the wip ask game that you tagged me in. I know it's been a minute since you posted it, so feel free to ignore, but i'd like to know more about either 'date my wife' or 'raised a sith'– you pick! since I know all about the obidala stuff, and very little about those, i'm curious.

Ugh, I've been so heads down on Countdown, I'm finally getting around to going through my ask box so apologies for the insanely late reply on this.

I talked about the 'date my wife' wip here. So let's do the raised a sith au, because I'm insanely excited about this one, and it even has a title now "Chirality".

So after repeatedly and painstakingly walking back sexual tension in like every draft of every obidala fic I have ever written, because they're just so damn good and they wouldn't, not yet ... I really just wanted to let Obi-Wan and Padme be unrepentantly hot for each. So I asked myself what would it take for them to stop worrying so much about it all and the answer as you so eloquently put it, is 'they could be evil, as a treat'

That's it, that's the fic.

No really. Imagine a world where Obi-Wan got left on Bandomeer by Qui-Gon and then eventually rescued by Dooku and taken as his apprentice and later left the order with him. Meanwhile imagine a Padme who never left Coruscant after her appeal to the Senate in TPM and instead stayed under house arrest while she watched her world ravaged by the Trade Federation with Palpatine stoking her outrage and anger into something truly spectacular. But to the galaxy she still presents as Padme Amidala as we know here during AotC. So drop poor baby Anakin into the events of AotC and The Clone Wars between these two opposing dark proteges who are sort of allies and sort of adversaries, but are definitely obsessed with each other, watch them ruin him.

I honestly feel a little bad tagging this obianidala because its me, so its definitely very obidala focused and Anakin is in way way over his head being manipulated and gaslit at every turn, but it is there at least as an implied future state so there you go. Also its a SithAU so while I don't write terribly explicit or kinky sex, all the warnings for mind games, manipulation, violence, unnegotiated everything, and basically terrible people who should absolutely be kept away from Anakin Skywalker at all costs, but won't be. Sexy, though not explicit, excerpt below the cut:

He’s waiting for her when she gets back to her apartments.  Lounging on the bed like he owns the place. Utterly unconcerned with the fact that in less than a day’s time all of the Senate will be calling for his head along with his Master’s. 

One of her handmaidens comes over to assist her and Padme grits her teeth in irritation as she takes in the blank expression, the clumsy movements.  Oh, she despises when he does this.  True, it was amusing the first time or two.  And she has always had a weak spot for power in all its flavors.  But these days she just finds it tiresome.  They’re utterly useless for anything more complicated than the most basic of tasks for hours after he does this.

Dismissing Eirtae with a wave of her hand she rounds on him in a huff.

“I wish you would stop doing that.  You know you don’t have anything to worry about.  They’re all completely loyal.  I’ve made sure of it.”

Obi-Wan grins, vulpine and vicious and absolutely unrepentant.  “To you.  They’re all completely loyal to you.  I doubt there’s a single one among them who would spare me a second thought.”

“That’s not true, there’s at least three who would strangle their own mother for the opportunity to put a blaster to your temple and pull the trigger.”  Turning, she holds out her arms and then looks back over her shoulder, imperious and expectant.  “Well?  You can hardly expect me to get out of this on my own.”

He doesn’t.  That’s the entire point of this petty little show of his.  He likes the opportunity to undo her, deconstruct the facade she presents to the galaxy layer by careful layer.  Until she’s laid bare in more ways than one.

Coming up behind her, he trails his fingertips up the length of each arm before he settles his hands against the line of the high collar in a way that from anyone else would be a threat.  But he could force choke her from halfway across the room and they both know it.  And they both know Palpatine would make him regret it for the rest of his very long and very painful life if he ever tried.  

She smiles at him in the mirror and presses back a little into the joints of his fingers calling his bluff.  “You know we debated putting a bounty on your head this afternoon.”

He tsks.  “How very uncivilized.”

“Yes, well, attempting to exterminate the entire Jedi Council does tend to provoke people’s ire.”

“Oh, is that the version they’re selling to the Senate?”

She spins in grasp, indignant now, “Don’t be insulting.  You know better than anyone how useless the Jedi are at politics.  It’s the version I’m selling to the Senate.  Very effectively I might add.”

“I’d expect nothing less,” he says, skimming a kiss once against her mouth.  Then deepening it as his hands come up to her headdress and she feels him begin to remove the hairpins holding it in place one by one.  It’s not precisely what she had in mind when she told him to undress her, but Obi-Wan wouldn’t be Obi-Wan if he wasn’t always looking for the loophole and Padme allows it.  It’s been months since she’s been kissed well.  Whatever Anakin’s potential, both as a lover and a darksider, and it is glorious, it’s all raw and unrealized, it will take her years to mold him to her liking.  Pleasurable work perhaps but work to be sure.  Sometimes a lady just wishes to rest on laurels.

Particularly when her laurels are so very, very appealing.

Obi-Wan frowns against her mouth, “Your shields are down.”

“Are they?” She asks innocently, biting at his bottom lip with just a little too much force in punishment for both starting and stopping without permission.  “And did you like what you heard?”

He pulls back.  “You know I didn’t.”

She turns away with a huff, and removes the last few pins herself, running her fingers through her hair to free it and denying him the pleasure.  “Oh yes, you’ve made your feelings on the matter quite clear.  His arm, Obi-Wan?  Was that really necessary?”

“Maybe not, but it was fun.”

Padme scowls at him over her shoulder.

He just laughs.  A cocky, contemptuous sound that sets her teeth on edge and her blood on fire, “Oh dear, are you upset I scratched up your pretty plaything?  And here I thought you were a fan of my work.  I even signed this one for you.”

“And if I thought it had anything to do with me, rather than breaking the boy Qui-Gon Jinn actually wanted enough to take as an apprentice, I might be flattered.  Besides–” she gives him her most petulant pout, “I didn’t even get to watch.  You know that’s my favorite part.”

#obidala #obianidala #fic: chirality #oad sith au #cy writes things #sith obi wan #sith padme #cy answers things #wip ask game

[lauryn-order]

Spankings will always be better than sex.

Non-sexual kink will always be better than sexual kink.

And I know that’s not a popular opinion, but it’s my reality. Don’t get me wrong, sex can be great and I have some sexual links I enjoy, but I don’t crave sex in the way I crave non-sexual kink. I don’t think about sex until I’m in it at the moment. And when it happens in the moment, I usually love it as long as there’s a kink dynamic and aspects to it and I have feelings for and chemistry with my partner(s), but I don’t get turned on by the thought and I don’t fantasize about it. It rarely crosses my mind. To be honest, most of the time I’m having sex, I’m still thinking about spanking.

I’ve been a spanko since the moment I heard what a spanking was. I obsessively looked it up in the dictionary, read any book that had spanking in it, daydreamed about it, and read spanking fan fiction and literotica.

I don’t get turned on by pictures or videos involving genitals, unless they’re being punished. I’ve never been into normal porn or really any kind of porn where sexual acts are involved. All I genuinely want to watch are severe spankings that make the spankee cry.

When I lay in bed at night, all I think about is being over someone’s lap. I want that feeling of someone else taking control and caring enough about me to spank me.

When I daydream about my ideal dynamic, it’s always centered around spanking and other forms of discipline.

I am a little and would like to have a Mommy and/or Daddy again, but when I think about the dynamic, I’m picturing the rules laid out for me, being taken care of, not having to make decisions, letting go and the feeling of safety and serenity it brings.

When I picture more D/s or Domestic Discipline dynamics, I’m picturing someone helping me become a better version of myself, the standards, making my Top proud, the control, the goofy silly moments, the never stressing over a decision because I have someone to help me make the right choice, and the level of respect and trust you have to have for each other to make it work.

In all dynamics I’m picturing the pain, the lectures, the tears, and the bruises. The feeling of having my guilt taken away because I’ve been thoroughly punished and truly forgiven. The butterflies in the pit of my stomach knowing I’m about to be punished. The maintenance so I stay on track. The emotional release spankings when I need to let go of stress. The stern, strictness coming from my Top. The closeness of aftercare and feeling of being held after a rough punishment.

Sometimes I feel like my dream dynamic is unrealistic in a world so focused on sex. Sometimes I force myself to pretend to be more sexually-focused than I truly am because I don’t feel what I’m looking for exists or is “fair” to ask of someone or to look for. Sometimes I fear I’m going to settle or try to forever be something I’m not because I’m a people pleaser and feeling like this doesn’t exist so I should be more realistic.

I’m a work in progress. I’m working on convincing myself that there’s got to be someone out there for me. I’m working on not settling. I know I’m not the only one who feels the way I do.

I just really hope the person or people out there looking for someone like me finds me.

#mine

[iammissingautumn]

perhaps. 89 and butters :]

-

Send me more Spotify Wrapped requests!! And also this is actually. too good for him. Or should I say.

-

“Marj,” Kenny called looking up to the bed she laid on. Kenny sat on the floor, his back against the bed. She quirked her head at him. “Why do you love me?”

Marjorine stalled, taken aback by the question. She hadn’t expected it. It also felt a bit out of the blue. But she mostly found it endearing, even though she felt a bit lost when it got like that.

“I… don’t know. You’re you, I guess.” Marj tried, looking down to him. She felt a bit silly with the way she didn’t have her thoughts in order as quickly as he seemed to. Even though he was always nice to her.

Her words were followed by one of the tiny things Marjorine loved about him. He was good at hiding how he felt, keeping his changes smaller. Which Marj had never been as good as. Heart on sleeve type. And by now she was okay with it. But Kenny had a control over himself, and he was okay with it too. They had found ways to be that healthily on average. But she had spent enough years with her boyfriend to know the small things. So she could see when her boyfriend’s emotions changed in many cases when others didn’t see a difference.

But she knew what it meant when his eyebrows just barely dropped. His eyes shifted and there was a small nod. His mouth forming a small “o” as his focused almost shifted. And she knew she had her reasons, she wasn’t always the quickest in knowing how to translate her feelings, but she knew that answer disappointed him.

So, she continued “I mean I guess I’ve loved a lot of people. But I kinda have undermined it when they ‘prove’ they don’t care. So when that happens I thought it just isn’t real love. Or the relationship or experience wasn’t valid. I just stopped caring. Which I… I don’t know.”

Marj took a deep breath. Looking anywhere but at Kenny as she scrambled for the truth she was trying to share. She wasn’t made to do this like Kenny. She swore sometimes he spoke like he spent a decade thinking about it. No matter how serious or silly. No matter how much he claimed it just popped in his head.

“Sorry— that’s not an answer. I mean when we got close, I was 20. Overzealous and desperate to meet people. I had finally gotten out of the leash that hurt me and my response had been to find every person who could like me and dip my toes in. See what it was like to be loved and choose to love and do whatever the hell I wanted. But it wasn’t love it was this cycle of infatuation and lying that this was it this was the person I wanted to be with.

And now I mean I can’t treat people like they’re buffets. Loving it all without letting them know what I was really intending. What I wanted. And for awhile maybe I thought I had actually wanted them. But I didn’t I just wanted a person who was just as alive as I was and didn’t really consider what all of it meant. And I know I’m graduated and it’s been a long time since that but that’s still me. I still have to make sure I don’t get over involved with people I don’t like. I still wanna pour all my love into something so quickly and I have to make sure I don’t do it painfully. I have to make sure I don’t buy a hundred spaghetti noodle boxes because I’m on a pasta kick. And I have to make sure I don’t sacrifice myself and my time and stuff that’s valuable for me just because I’m feeling a rush.— Sorry. Let me get somewhere with this.”

Marj looked back at Kenny briefly, he had a small smile on his face. Watching her with careful eyes. She felt a bit embarrassed in the rambling but Kenny never seemed to mind. She liked his smile like he enjoyed it. She liked being enjoyed by such a pretty man.

“I guess I’m scared the me who’s loved so many people isn’t real. That I was making myself just so people can love that. That who I am is really just what everyone else wants from me. Hamburgers— I’m scared I’m crazy but I’m even more scared I’m not. ‘Cause then my family was right but if they aren’t then I have no reason to be the way that I am. And then what excuse do I have for treating all these people like they’re a story and once I learn all the parts I like I’m done cause it’s not interesting anymore.

But that’s when you came in. You taught me that all parts of me are me, but that I shouldn’t sacrifice myself for others. You taught me that I can be loved without being different then myself. That the real person I am is lovable. That I don’t have to change. And that we should be able to be ourselves while working to be kind. Because when we don’t we get to the crux of hurting ourselves and other people. And why do we do that? Do we really want to know. Maybe. But it’s more important we work towards not hurting. And— damn sorry. My focus has been a bit short this week.” Marjorine’s pace changed drastically over her words, ramping up as she kept going. Getting lost in her own words and thoughts. Like a maze.

“To answer your question. I love you because you’re you. And you spend so much time being honest to that. There’s very little other ‘why’s about it. There’s probably a ‘how’ but I don’t really understand that. Maybe if I looked around a bit harder I’m sure I could find a better reason with better words for you. But you’re much better at that then me. And that’s not really how I am. You helped me gain the will to change myself. And I’m happy with letting that be. To let you be you and me be me. Waking up next to you, sharing secrets, sticking by each other. I just pray that we’re right when we say; I love you. I enjoy being around you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Kenny stood up, wiping his eye and leaning down to get closer to her. He cupped her face with his hands. Looking her straight in the eyes.

“I love you.”

#south park #kenny mccormick #butters stotch #marjorine stotch #sp marjorine #mod caden #my writing #the narcissist cookbook #TRANS RIGHTS

[rescatada]

How did you go from Christianity to Judaism to Christianity again?

I’m in a similar situation, where my family has always been religious Baptists but I never liked the Baptist ‘church’ even from a very young age. The way the pastors acted and behaved always threw me off and it just seemed like their sermons were more about non-Christian things than about the Bible, Jesus or Christianity. It was always so boring too and just lacked… everything. Then I went through a very hard anti-Christian phase in freshman year of high-school where I was convinced Christianity is evil because of racism and Catholicism. I quickly went back from that once I learned more about Catholicism and Orthodox Christianity in particular and the history, traditions and theology really interested me.

But this didn’t last that long because I also became really interested in Islam and Judaism. At the time I would deny it but my interest in these two religions was more so due to me just trying to separate myself from my family (they’re abusive) and also because I was just really desperate for community (which was the main push towards Judaism for me, the thought of belonging to a close knit ‘tribe’ was really appealing) but after a while I just had to be real with myself and accept the fact that despite attempting to research both religions I didn’t actually believe in the theology and in most cases wouldn’t even care to research it that much, because I was just so focused on learning about traditions/holidays/the culture just so I could blend in, where as with Orthodox Christianity I was genuinely believing in the theology and would spend hours researching it and the theological meaning behind certain traditions, and it never felt like I was just convincing myself to believe it, but I genuinely agreed with the theology deep down. Sorry this got long but I’ve been having a crisis of faith for so long aksksks it’s like subconsciously I know I’m a Christian but I refuse to believe it and when I seen you were a former Jew I felt like you kind understand

It’s hard to explain. I grew up baptist and hated it so I was an atheist for like 9 years. I was introduced to Judaism by some ex friends and an ex bf, the culture and theology drew me in. I’m personally a fan of open ended understandings of theology, so sometimes Christianity feels way too suffocating for me. I like the debate and often academic approach taken to biblical literature. What pushed me away was all the performative leftists and the racism. What drew me to Christianity was the Virgin Mary honestly, Mary Magdalene, the Saints, and the fact that I’m Latina so catholic Christianity is deeply ingrained into my culture. I loved the veneration of Mary, high church structure (I was conservadox when I was practicing Judaism), and how beautiful Christian art and buildings are because I believe that anything that has to do with the divine should be beautiful because God and all of His creation is beautiful.

I eventually decided sticking to my culture was more important to me than sticking to the faith I chose later in life. I rambled but I hope my answer helps even a little bit.

#anon

[ahiddenpath]

I’m Back from Vacay/Life Update/Writing Update

Gonna getcha up to date on Hiddenland beneath the cut!

Vacation

I returned from the US Virgin Islands, St. Thomas yesterday.  We were there for 5 days.  I’ve never been, and I’ve also never taken a “do nothing” vacation, so it was an adventure, lol!

We stayed near Red Hook in an air B&B.  The internet basically persuaded me not to try a resort, citing crowded resorts, lack of privacy, etc- also, a lot of resorts don’t really provide easy access to a beach.  Our unit had its own pool, which was a huge selling point...  But unfortunately, it was fed by ice cold spring water.  Literally, when we hurt our feet, we put them in the pool to reduce the swelling.  So...  Well, I was disappointed by that.

But the beaches were stunning, with turquoise water that you could walk into- it was fairly warm, I mean, not “ooof ughh coldcoldcold!”.  I guess the trouble was getting out, since there were constant breezes on the beach, enough for kite surfing in some places.  

So if you know me, you might know that I have anxiety and that I’m...  Busy brained?  I was so antsy the first day of the trip, thinking-  Is this really fun?  Wouldn’t doing something be better?  But after about three hours of sitting on the beach, my brain flipped off like a switch.  I never felt like...  “Ahhhh, so relaxed.”  Actually, I don’t know if I’ve ever felt that.  But my brain did go quiet, and I read three books in five days, lol.

We also went on a turtle snorkel and sunset sailing tour.  We did see one green sea turtle, and thank goodness, because snorkeling in St. Thomas was nothing like snorkeling in Hawaii, at least not where we went.  In Hawaii, there’s always something to look at, all kinds of colorful fish.  In St. Thomas, I saw one turtle and a handful of sea stars.  The sailing was nice, though- I’ve never sailed before.

I also got horrendously sunburned the first day.  You know how it is- that first day, I’m all cute in my swimsuit, feeling great.  The second day, I’m wearing a swim shirt, swim trunks for ladies (truly the best thing ever), swim socks, a hat, sunglasses, and visible regret.  Seriously, I really hurt myself, I was in agony.  I applied and reapplied the heck out of my 50 SPF sunscreen, too, so I’m pissed.

If you want more details, let me know, because I learned a lot on the trip about vacationing in St. Thomas.  Overall, I’d say it was a nice lowkey experience, but damn the sunburns and the ice pool were upsetting.  

Also, my shy cat recognized me right away when I came home, which was a relief!  On my last trip, she treated me like I was a stranger wearing a Hidden suit for a few days x_x

Life Update

I feel like I’ve just been...  Adjusting?  To a new life?  The last few months.  I can say that my new job really is a mental health improvement over the last one.  I also get paid more- like appreciably more, and it turns out that this also reduces stress (who knew, right? /sarcasm).  But it is still a huge adjustment, and I’ve already found some of the new problems in the new place (mainly that they are hiring more people than they have space for, and they just... keep... hiring and telling us to deal with it however we want).

I’ve also been focusing on health, particularly exercising and reducing my resting heart rate.  I already reduced it by 2 bpm in about 6 weeks!  Taking better care of my physical self truly is possible, like in quantifiable ways (which makes my scientist brain happy).  It just helps to have small, manageable goals, and to focus on health rather than weight.

Writing News

So for most of camp digimonth, we had daily 45 min sprints for our writers and artists on the discord.  It was really fun to create together, and I’m so proud of everyone!    

I hate to say it, but I basically wrote or finished two new chapters, and barely touched my nanowrimo draft.  I also completed an artwork and am mostly done with another.  Er- basically, I did a lot, but also not...  What I...  Thought I would?

Soooo I am thinking that updates to PdA will start again in late February or early March, to give me more time to make a ready-to-post content buffer.  

And on that note, I’m going to go write!  Much love, mwah!  I hope you’re all doing amazing.

#hidden's life

[aveegrex]

I’ve recently exited a very close yet just as unhealthy platonic relationship. Me and this guy never labelled each other as anything but friends, but it was a very special sort of friendship for me. Something extremely intimate.

Yet I don’t think I was appreciated as much as I used to appreciate. He would lash out on me anytime he felt insecure or just sad (oh how closely he connected sadness and anger). He would spew the most heinous shit my way when something didn’t go his way. He was manipulative, abusive and toxic. He used to trauma dump on me any given chance, and sometimes used me as a tool of self-harm.

Yes, I think I should have ended things sooner. After he told me he literally collects ‘dirt’ on everyone around just in case. After he gets wished death upon me when trying to prove that he has a full right to steal art from independent artists since he grew up relatively poor.

I had to end things after he used so many of my insecurities to force me into doing things I hated, but I didn’t.

I didn’t, because it was too hard to cut off someone who shared so many of my interests. Who seemed to genuinely care when I told him about my troubles. Who I could talk to for hours on end.

I didn’t cut him off soon enough, and I regret it so much. Because I’m now 23 and I feel like I’ve wasted 2,5 years of my life on someone who didn’t deserve a minute of my time. Because I feel like I wasted the opportunity to make better friends with someone, well, better. Not toxic. Not abusive. Not a fucking manchild who’d spiral into the darkest fucking violence every time he was told no.

And I feel like I have no chance to make better friends now because everyone I’d love to befriend is already ‘taken’. I know it’s probably so not true but this thought is very hard to expel.

I hate the fact that for the past 2,5 years I could have been much happier, much more energetic human being. That I could have focused on personal growth and making better connections and having much better time and living my own life the way I wanted it. Not spending countless nights subject to narcissistic abuse.

And I hate the fact that now I can’t get this voracious thought out of my head. The one that keeps telling me that no one better can love me. That I do not deserve love that doesn’t come with pain. That I am unloveable and should just give up on the thought that someone might genuinely like me and love me for who I am, who’d love me the same love that I would love them.

I hate my abuser for he wasted my precious time, for he plagued my mind and for he left me drained.

One day, I’m going to write the hell out of this, but for now, I just need to not waste any more time and find myself.

#aveegrex personal #narcissistic people #narcissistic abuse #platonic abusive relationships #narcissistic relationship #abusive relationship #abusive friendship #toxic ex #toxic frienship

[lassscassss]

i don’t even care anymore who knows the truth or his lies. I’ll always be the one who created all this & maybe i did. Maybe i focused so much on his ex’s chests i saw on the android watch i got him that one year, or how he’d come home every day during lunch just to fuck me & leave. I’d always wonder if it was someone else who turned him on more than me; I’d think great maybe Jordyn is on Ft Bragg & he saw her. Of course being blamed for “searching for something” to create a situation when i had my gut telling me it’s something. I tried to overdose, i drank my feelings away, i cut myself as an adult; not an emo kid upset w life cause of her parents & school. I stopped drinking. I stopped smoking weed. I tried looking like the girls you wanted. The secret Snapchat he always said he never had yet my brother had you. Always such a secret. it makes me wonder if they knew you better than me. Keeping letters from basic from Jordyn under our roof when even your sister agreed. WHY?

I threw shit. I broke shit. I had my yelling & screaming fits. I threw myself out of a car once & ran into someone else’s house cause of a girl. I almost drove back to Texas 1 month into being his wife. Fucked my entire door up. Never wanted to fix it mainly as a reminder to myself that you NEED to do better. You need to fix yourself if you wanna be HIS. I remember throwing all your clothes & felt regret. I knew how your belongings felt to you since you “had nothing” apparently. Clearly having issues from childhood, but when mention of therapy; those are your issues not mine.

I use to wake up, kissed on my forehead & told have a nice day beautiful. I’ll see you later kinda shit. Then it stopped. Just like everything else. I wished for that man back. I cried for that man back.

My first red flag i ignored. A girl reaching out sending me a picture of your dick in hand w your uniform & Gonzales identity you. Just like the same dick picture you sent me while you were in Germany & the tranny had it too. I’m pretty sure i knew her too. Gave her groceries everyday at Walmart. Just like everything else; “i plan on creating content w this girl Yazet” *unfollows me* & he reaches out via onlyfans. Comments on how this girl is beautiful & has a dick, reached out to local tranny. Expresses how my career is changing & i want to move back to Texas for school. We start making plans for Rockport or something near water. Creates ads to fuck randoms while I’m away.

Life now is weird without you. I miss you, but i know i can’t go back. It’s not even a girl thing anymore. It’s i don’t think i ever was suppose to know if you were gay or bi. You were just going to do the same shit you were taught by others & we both know what that means. I wish you’d go though your own way of fixing yourself as i continue to grow for myself, but there’s no trust. There’s probably no love. I get called a whore for my actions after you promised me back last December you’d stop.

I think about that day often. Just like everything else. Just like how you held me, cried a bit & promised me you’d change. You never did & i never did. So instead, you continued while i carried in my head the same pains I’ve had for years. Alone w no family or friends.

I came home crying, broken & scared. Car totel’d, 800$ left, no job, nothing. Remembering how you told me I’d just come home to live off family. I got my perfect Lily, the first car i named knowing I’ll never have a baby girl like i wanted w you. I listened to B.S by Jhane & thought to myself in one of my many borrowed cars that my first REAL purchase once i finish school will be a nice car.

I truly believed everything happened for a reason. I got the courage to leave the man i was so deeply in love w knowing he never loved me back. He loves locking himself in his bathroom to rub his dick to others, or the times he’d just disappear & do god knows what. I was so scared to leave, but i prayed to my family who’ve always taken care of me & my family. I prayed to Jenna to make me tough & I still pray to these people asking them to get me though my days.

I get to go to school & do nails. It’s what i wanted almost 2 years ago now. I get to drive my Mercedes after my 12 hr shift to listen to house music. & everytime i pull up & walk into that bar. The look that man gives me is the best. It might not be healthy, & it might be crazy to even say i may be in love again. But since night 1 & being in the same area as another guy, without locking the bathroom door while showering……..it made me feel peace. It made me feel worth trusting in someone else again.

We were suppose to have a life together forever. Now I’m planning a business, serving tables, still low key “modeling”/sw. I have school tomorrow, working bar booths & watching Harry Potter & the deathly hallows w a man who makes me melt when his hand is on my throat & his tongue in my mouth.

Makes me wonder who’s the next to fall for the random phone call, being asked “let’s get married” is going to next since you have my ring. I have to remind myself & even you John Anthony. There wouldn’t be the open spot had i never got up & left.