#i’ve been thinking about this song ever since you sent it 😭
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mayores | lewis hamilton x fem! singer! reader
summary; in which y/n’s newest single revealed something new about her
fc; becky g
warning; age gap, mentions of sexual acts
notes; this song is so🙏🙏good i’ve been obsessed ever since it came out , in one of the tweets i meant to type benito but there’s a typo so oopsies 😔😔😔
masterlist !
liked by lewishamilton, lilymhe, and 1,927,039 others!
yourusername: MAYORES. officially out now.
tagged; badbunnypr
username: SONG OF THE YEARRR
username: ate omg
username: on repeat😫
username: who dis about
badbunnypr: por fin😎 [finally]
yourusername: jejeje [hehehe]
username: lewis hamilton in her likes??
username: like xnda and y/n collab when?
nattinatasha: a ti te gustan mayores? 🤔 [do you like them older?]
yourusername: maybe….🤭🤭
username: mother is mothering
username: someone finally put my thoughts into a song thank u madre y/n🙏🙏
liked by yourusername, georgerussell63, and 2,038,269 others!
lewishamilton: (re)start
username: is this a??? soft launch?????
username: the first picture…. wow
username: going feral
username: am i tripping or does that look like y/n????
username: nah ur delusional 😭
username: i’ve been a y/n fan since her shower days, that’s definitely her ☝️☝️
username: i am just a girl omg
username: 😍😍🥵🫠🤤🤤🫨
username: alexa play mayores by y/n l/n
liked by lewishamilton, carmenmmundt, and 1,829,937 others!
yourusername: a little (re)charge after working on mayores, thank u all for the love you’ve been giving me🥹💗💗
carmenmmundt: how have you been liking those face masks i sent😫
yourusername: ugh i adore, we’ve been using them every night 😁💓💓
carmenmmundt: glad you both enjoyed 😉
username: WE???
username: BOTH???
username: my lewy/n heart says they’re together idc
username: he’s only ever liked her posts
username: yeah but in her song mayores she said she likes sirs,,, sir lewis hamilton is way older than her too
username: IS THAT ROSCOE???
username: omg roscoe
username: an actual angel tbh
liked by lewishamilton, georgerussell63, and 2,012,732 others!
yourusername: a mi me gustan mayores. [i like them older]
tagged; lewishamilton
lewishamilton: and i just like you
yourusername: 🤍🤍
georgerussell63: can’t look at lewis in the eyes anymore after translating ur song
yourusername: oopsies 😁
username: OMG THIS IS NOT A DRILL
username: ur telling me mayores was about sir lewis hamilton????
yourusername: maybe 🤭
username: my lewy/n heart WAS RIGHT
username: oh she won in life
username: she?? if anything HE won in life
username: my bi ass is screaming rn
username: not lewis driving y/n around even if he hates driving 😭😭
yourusername: he loves me more than he hates driving 😁
lilymhe: can he— can lewis fight?🤨🤨
lewishamilton: i like to think i am a peaceful man
alex_albon: lily u can’t fight anyone
yourusername: bae👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩
#formula one imagines#formula one scenarios#formula one social media au#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#f1 scenario#f1 imagine#f1 smau#lewis hamilton x reader
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Lover 💗 | Bradley Bradshaw Imagine
TGM masterlist
Characters & Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x singer!reader (female/romance)
Content Warnings: fluff, mentions of sexism, references to pop culture, profanity | female!reader (she/her) | wc: 5.6k
Requested 📨 yes/no (for @auroradawnwrites 💗)
Premise : When it came to her love life, singer and songwriter Y/n L/n had a reputation where it felt like the world was against her to the point she doubted ever finding her perfect match. Being in the industry for so long made it difficult to envision what a life with her potential soulmate would be like. But sometimes great things come to people who are patient. And finding the person who made Y/n feel like the only girl in the world had that reputation flicker away like dust on a bookshelf.
Note: I know I keep apologizing for the long waits in my requests but I promise it’s because of having to balance school, random shit happening in my life, and wanting to put out a developed, well-thought out story that the requested person deserves 🥹 and I realized about week ago when I started writing this one after finally getting to it after it was sent in February. @auroradawnwrites I saw that you posted last month that you were leaving your blog but if you happen to see this on another account or still have the notifications on for that blog just know I’m so sorry for this taking so long and I hope it was everything you imagined 😭
Songs headcanonned for singer!reader: ‘Love Story,’ ‘Bad Blood,’ ‘Look What You Made Me Do,’ ‘Getaway Car’ ‘You Need To Calm Down’ by Taylor Swift. ‘Love’ by Lana Del Rey. Albums mentioned that are headcanonned for singer!reader: ‘Lover’, ‘1989’ (I just changed it to 1986 to suit the headcanonned year of birth for reader), ‘Reputation,’ ‘Fearless,’ ‘Red’
——————————
“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back our next guest,” Jimmy Fallon grins to the audience, arm slightly raising towards the curtains. “She’s been a friend to The Tonight Show for a long time. Here to celebrate twenty years since her debut and to talk about her newest album ‘Lover,’ singer and songwriter—the one and only, Y/n L/n!!”
There’s no need to turn on the sign reading ‘Applause,’ because the audience are on their feet when the curtains draw open slightly to reveal the beaming popstar. People are waving frantically, whistling, some even on the verge of tears at the fact they were in the presence of their idol. It was even hard hearing the band play from the noise
Y/n smiled the entire walk to Jimmy, blowing kisses at the crowd before embracing the man in a hug and settling down on the arm chair. “Wow, wow, wow,” he shouted, watching her give one last wave as he sat in his own chair. “Hi, Y/n.”
“Hi, Jimmy! It’s wonderful to see you again.”
“It’s great to see you too, it’s been awhile since we’ve had you on, huh?” Both make faces indicating they were thinking about her last appearance on the show.
“I think it’s been almost…six years,” Y/n tapped her lips with a finger. “Pre-pandemic I believe—because I haven’t really done much since 2019.”
“Yeah, you took a bit of a break.”
“A much needed one,” she chuckled, “But it feels so great to be back. I’ve been taking this time to really put time into discovering who I am as a person and what is next for me. I’m so grateful for the fans who’ve supported me all this time—I know,” she looks to the camera, “I know I kept you waiting, but fear not, I am back and better than ever.” The statement ignites a holler and applause from the crowd.
Jimmy claps with the audience, “That’s what I’m talking about. What can you tell us about this new music you’ve been working on? I know I mentioned your upcoming one, but you actually announced you will be releasing another at the end of this year, correct?”
Instantly Y/n lights up, “That’s right, Jimmy. For starters Lover is probably my most personal album to date. During the pandemic I basically shut myself off from everyone—and the world because I deleted the social media apps off my phone,” there’s a light chuckle from the crowd, “which made everyone go crazy thinking I died. But I can assure you I was just trying to put all my time and energy into writing, producing, selecting which songs would go on the track list. Each song is there for a specific reason—telling a story per say, and I feel listeners will be able to relate in some way.”
“Why the name ‘Lover,’?” Jimmy asked with curiosity, “is it a metaphor for the story or does it have a deeper meaning?” Judging by the cheesy smile Y/n started to do, Jimmy straightened his posture. “Are you….?”
“It’s for the lovers, you know?” Y/n shrugged nonchalantly. Those around didn’t buy it, leaning forward in their seats with curious eyes. “Yeah it’s about love and those feelings where you think your heart is about to burst from your chest. Like I said, many will be able to relate to it.”
Jimmy gave a look, “So did someone in your life inspire it perhaps?”
Instead of answering right at that second, Y/n remained grinning as the face of inspiration and the owner of her heart appeared in her mind. His gorgeous hazel eyes glowing under the sunlight. The feeling of his warm body against hers each time he held her in his arms. Tickling sensations from his mustache when he rained kisses across her skin. The sound of his laugh whenever he made a joke or she did something silly just to see him smile. Fingers dancing across the piano while they sang their favorite songs in their own private concert.
Her lover. Her life. Her reason for waking up everyday in an endless state of bliss. The person who inspired nearly every song on the album, best describing it as a love letter to him.
Relationships and romance had been a complicated part of Y/n’s life and career. A reputation often frowned upon despite only seeing a small picture.
It all started one summer day in Nashville, Tennessee. 17-year-old Y/n had big dreams and aspirations of being a singer, spending her free time playing guitar and writing songs about teenage experiences. Growing up in Tennessee, the birthplace of country music, Y/n was surrounded by the legacy of icons like Dolly Parton, The Dixie Chicks, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Reba McEntire, and Kenny Rogers. It was all she listened to growing up, though she did dabble in pop and R&B—going on to cite Aaliyah, TLC, Whitney Houston, and David Bowie as influences in her music.
“I hear the high school is having a talent show Friday night,” her coworker hummed, handing over the now clean plate to be dried. “Did you sign up?”
“No,” Y/n tiredly exhaled. It was pushing 8 o’clock and she still had one more hour until closing. Working at a popular diner gave Y/n the ability to save for college and an apartment, but it meant working more hours than what she legally was supposed to—on top of balancing school and band. “I have a pre-cal test on monday so I planned to stay in and study.”
“Oh c’mon! You’ve been itching to sign up all year—why back out now? All for a test you know you’ll get an A on?”
Y/n rolled her eyes, taking another plate to dry, “That’s reaching and you know it.”
“Y/n, you’re one of the smartest people in our grade. Literally will be in the top five come graduation. It’s a Friday night and the whole school is gonna be there,” her friend pleads to her, “you’ve got a voice that’s meant to be heard and songs that should be on the radio.”
The teen gives a ‘I don’t think so,’ shrug, “Eh, I feel my style is not exactly what country music is looking for.”
“Maybe so…but maybe it’s what it needs.”
Guitar in hand and shaking like a leaf, Y/n pulled everything in her to drum her fingers on the strings. The spotlight shining down on her made her squint, unable to see into the crowd save for the silhouette of their heads.
“Just breathe, Y/n,” she mentally told herself. It was dead quiet in the auditorium after a light applause when the drama teacher called her name. And since she wasn’t using an electric guitar, there was no way to hook hers up to the speakers. “Breathe and let your voice do the work.”
Clearing her throat, her lips curled into a shy smile, “This is an original song I’ve been working on. Hope you like it.” Slowly the tune began to echo through the auditorium. Y/n’s voice was shaky at the beginning, but soon found confidence when she closed her eyes and pictured herself in the comfort of her own room.
“We were both young when I first saw you.”
“I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I’m standing’ there.”
“On a balcony in summer air.”
Those in the crowd perked up, schoolmates looking at each other with impressed gazes.
“See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.”
“See you make your way through the crowd, and say, “Hello.”
“Little did I know.”
Finally finding her rhythm, a genuine grin broke out on her face.
“That you were Romeo, you were throwin’ pebbles.”
“And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet—and I was cryin’ on the staircase,”
“Beggin’ you, “Please don’t go,” she let her voice drag out the ‘go’, igniting jaws to be dropped. “And I said.”
“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run.”
“You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess.”
“It’s a love story, baby, just say, ‘Yes.’”
Needless to say, Y/n went home with the winning trophy….and a meeting with Capitol Records Nashville.
Going to college was no longer the plan for Y/n once her signature hit the contract. 3 albums and a promise to take country music by storm was the new future. Staring as soon as her tassel turned from right to left with the class of 2004. Y/n packed up her tiny Honda Civic with everything she had, kissed her family goodbye with plans to see them for the holidays and settled into a cozy studio apartment smack in the middle of Nashville.
“You have a unique voice and lyrical direction, Y/n,” Randy Kingston, one of the execs at CRN said to her one day. “You’re not full country—by that I mean there’s a pop element you bring to the table. Country-Pop if you will.”
Y/n didn’t know how to respond except nod, “Uhhh yeah? I listen to a lot of different genres—-Pop being a big one. A-and I like to experiment by adding different….flavors to my music.” Her expression turns nervous, “is that gonna be a problem, sir?”
Randy rubbed the bottom of his chin with a hand, “No, I don’t think it will. It’s refreshing and something new. Frankly I think you’re gonna do well with the youngin’s. Your age range will likely be the best receivers.”
Turns out Randy was right. Releasing her first two singles were met with wide recognition from teenagers and young adults. Topping the country music charts for several weeks. During that time Y/n began working on her debut self-titled album on top of filming her first music video for ‘Love Story’. When it dropped, it didn’t just get noticed within the country scene. MTV released it during their early morning showings most people played when getting ready for school and work. Doing so allowed ‘Love Story’ to get more attention that people who were not even country fans were purchasing the single.
“Platinum?!” Y/n screamed at the sight of the framed record indicating ‘Love Story’ sold one million copies.
“Platinum,” Randy grinned, presenting it to her. “Well done, kiddo. You deserve it.” He also dropped the ball that Ellen Degeneres called to schedule an appearance—which nearly had Y/n drop the frame in her hands.
The Ellen Degeneres Show was the first public interview Y/n had ever done. And….it was the first time she was questioned about her love life. Something that would become her greatest nemesis throughout her entire career.
“So your song ‘Love Story’ is all about love, yes?” Ellen asked, igniting a laugh from the audience given the title of the song made it obvious what it was about.
“Yes.”
“So does that mean you got some love going on for yourself? Anyone who inspired this for you?”
“U-Uh, no?” It came out more like a question, causing the audience to laugh while she nervously smiled. “Not really—I-I’m not dating anyone currently, but the song sorta came from my love for romance novels and movies. Everyone desires love,” she nods to herself, “and I wanted to write something that people could relate to. Plus I love Romeo and Juliet—which is the big inspiration for the song.”
Following the appearance on Ellen, Y/n focused on writing music and releasing her albums. Her unique sound of combining country with elements of pop and R&B had listeners from all over the world drawn to her. It was a new era of country music.
But not everyone was very accepting of it.
Older generations and die hard lovers of traditional country were very unwelcoming to Y/n. They felt she didn’t belong in the genre and was better suited for pop. Though Y/n agreed to some extent, she feared making the transition from country to full pop wouldn’t be wise. She was still roughly new to the industry, trusting the judgment of her label who she was contracted to do 3 albums for. So she continued to fulfill her duty until the right moment came.
By the end of the first decade in the 21st century, Y/n had established herself one of the leading artists in country music with four Grammys, six MTV Moonmen, four AMA’s, five Billboard awards and 12 CMA’s. She appeared twice on SNL, performed at Dick Clark’s New Year Rockin’ Eve, and even collaborated with Miranda Lambert.
Yet the media liked to only talk about Y/n’s dating history.
In the first year of her career, Y/n briefly dated Jesse McCartney after first meeting at the 2005 Kids Choice Awards. Shortly after their breakup she was seen with Harry Potter actor Tom Felton, but nothing came out of it. The ‘date’ the media thought had actually been a handout between several of their mutual friends where they happened to be pictured smiling and laughing. After that incident Y/n did get into a five month long relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio, who was twelve years older than her and sparked endless conversation in the media.
Then in 2007-2009 Y/n became involved with Eddie Redmayne following their introduction to each other at Ellen Degeneres’ birthday party. They remained friends afterwards, but their relationship inspired a lot of Y/n’s work which resulted in people criticizing her for making too many break up songs.
“You’ve had quite the track record when it comes to the romance scene, Y/n,” David Letterman voiced during her appearance on his show. The singer was overcome with immediate dread. Again was she subjected to questions about her love life when it was no one’s business. But of course, if there’s one thing men like David have, it’s the audacity. “Which brings me to my next questions: are you dating anyone? And are they gonna have a song about them once you two break up?”
Now unfortunately it was common knowledge late night show hosts were disrespectful towards their guests and didn’t know what boundaries were. Though this was known, however, there was still the underlying pressure to keep silent by smiling and pushing through. Sometimes playing it off like it doesn’t affect you was better than having an outburst and being criticized more by the media. Displaying any offense would label them emotional and sensitive.
Though she wanted nothing more than to walk off the set and cry in her dressing room, Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat and answered as calmly as she could muster. “I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. I just want to focus on my music and what comes from my heart is what I put out.”
When Y/n did get into a relationship or was seen on a friendly date—hell even being spotted when out with a male friend for lunch had paparazzi and tabloids bombarding her.
“Is love in the air….again? Country music’s it girl, 24-year-old Y/n L/n, was seen holding hands with Australian actor Xavier Samuel who’s playing Riley Biers in the upcoming third installment of The Twilight Saga. Just this past March Y/n was linked to the son of Tennessee’s Attorney General. Let’s not forget L/n was in a two year romance with Eddie Redmayne before calling it quits last fall. Fans are starting to notice a pattern when it comes to L/n’s relationships and album releases. Should we expect her new single to drop within the next year? And will this romance with Samuel blossom into something long term or end as a spur of the moment flame?”
Notice how all the attention is Y/n and her life? Never once were the men she dated ever asked questions like she was—even if they had a history rivaling hers. Take Leo for example. The women he dated only got younger than Y/n as the years went on and people barely bat an eye.
After the release of her third studio album with CRN, Y/n had a tough decision to make. By that point her last album had more pop than country. The reaction of the fans was pretty much, “You need to just label yourself a pop artist now.” “‘Red’ was literally 90% Pop with 10% Country.” “Stop saying you’re a country music star when the last album you put out was anything but country.”
So…it was safe to say it was time to make the move to a different genre. Thankfully Capitol Records in Los Angeles was ready with the pen in hand to sign Y/n on. There she had creative control on what she put out and Y/n was excited to get started on a new era in her life.
2012 would go down as the year where Y/n was on the edge of her seat with how her career would go. Fans were mixed about her going to pop despite her recent music having mostly pop elements. Then there was the fact she was dating Tyler Hoechlin from Teen Wolf which had fangirls hating her guts for dating their celebrity crush.
What’s sad is Y/n was used to that reception whenever she was in a relationship with a public figure. First Jesse then Tom, Leo, Eddie, and Xavier. Can’t forget the times she got caught on dates with Robert Pattinson, Micheal B. Jordan, and Chris Evans. Then there were the incidents where the paparazzi captured her making out with Sebastian Stan at an after party and leaving the 2011 Grammys with Nate Buzoliac before he made it big as Kol Mikaelson in The Vampire Diaries.
Getting a break was not in the cards for the singer.
When things ended with Tyler in 2015, Y/n told herself she would not date anyone for awhile. Her album ‘1986’ was met with critical acclaim and positive reception from fans, earning her more awards to her growing collection, including the Grammy for Album of the Year. The entire time on tour she focused on having fun and not worrying about what people thought of her. Yeah she still got questions from interviews and hosts about dating she’d simply reply with, “I’m single, and let’s not entertain that further. Next question.”
@ inmyreputationera: I guess @Y/nL/n86 decided romance isn’t exactly her thing. I wonder how that’ll change her music.
@ stanningselenerr: not me checking @ Y/ndatingupdates daily for any new info.
Those were just the handful of tweets Y/n saw everyday on her Twitter feed. It got to the point she’d have to mute notifications whenever she was tagged. While she hated doing so because she loved interacting with fans, the singer needed time away from the constant surveillance of her personal life.
So fast forward to mid-summer of 2018. Y/n hadn’t put out an album in nearly three years nor had she been dating anyone. Yeah people still asked her from time to time though she learned to not let it affect her. Honestly it was a breath of fresh air. She was happy, healthy, and living her best life. Putting her heart and soul into songwriting which was heavily inspired by the reputation she’d garnered since her debut. Not to mention developing closer bonds with her friends and family after making the impulse decision in 2017 to move back to Tennessee. It felt good to be back home. Returning to her roots and the place that started it all after being away for so many years. It was a great time.
Now she was due back to Los Angeles to meet with her manager and producers. Y/n was ready to get back into the studio as much as her fans were telling her they were waiting for new music. With a first-class ticket in hand, Y/n boarded her red-eye flight from Nashville International to LAX and settled in for the five hour flight. It would have them landing at just after 3am Pacific time and while Y/n wanted to rest, she could not for the life of her sleep on a plane.
Approaching her seat Y/n noticed a man in a military uniform seated in the seat beside hers. “Excuse me,” she caught his attention, his head raising where he put two and two together by her hand pointing to the window seat.
“Oh sorry, ma’am,” it took everything in Y/n not to stare at him when he got up. He was very handsome. In his uniform, hazel eyes and sun kissed skin. The most notable feature was his mustache that most men could not pull off yet he seemed to.
“Do you need help with that?” The question pulled her from her mini daydream. He was referring to the carryon bag in her hand.
“Oh I got it—.”
“It’s no problem,” he was already taking the bag from her, securing it in the overhead compartment.
“Thank you so much,” Y/n thanked him while moving into the row, placing her purse in her lap when she sat down. The man returned to his seat just as the next wave of passengers boarded.
Manny, her personal bodyguard who’d been with Y/n since her first tour, was seated in front of her. When they got the tickets he purposely told her to have them separated saying, “I need my beauty sleep and while I love you, you will talk the entire time.” Sure enough when Y/n leaned over to ask him a question Manny was already knocked out, buckled in with his eye mask over his eyes and earbuds in.
Well that left Y/n with little to do. And when she went to retrieve her Kindle she groaned at the realization she forgot to turn back her reading light.
“Everything okay?” She saw the man in her peripheral vision slightly turn his head.
“Yeah just…annoyed with myself. I thought I packed my reading light but I must’ve misplaced it.” God that made her sound like a grandma.
His response was an ‘ah’ sound. “Wish I could help ya there, but I’m not usually equipped with something like that.”
“It’s fine,” she chuckled, buckling in her seatbelt. “It was to pass the time—I can’t sleep on flights. Even though it's midnight and I should feel tired.”
“I’m the same,” he suddenly extended a hand, “I’m Bradley by the way.”
Hesitant to reply in case he were to react to her name, Y/n pushed back any concern and gave a warm smile as she took his hand, “I’m Y/n. Nice to meet you, Bradley.”
“Y/n…” her name was repeated slowly, Bradley’s eyes consorting as though they were deep in thought. A wave of dread and nerves coursed through her. Then Bradley grinned, “Oh! I thought you looked familiar. You sing that song—what was it, ‘Love Story?’ Sorry I don’t mean to sound weird,” he let go of her hand when he realized he was still shaking it. “And I don’t want to bother you. I just can’t help but go, ‘wow!’”
“No-no-no, it’s okay! You’re totally fine.” Before long the two fell into conversation following the typical pre-flight announcements. Y/n was amazed by how natural it felt talking to Bradley. She discovered he was a Naval aviator, coming home from an assignment overseas and was flying to L.A to visit some friends. Bradley had been a graduate of UVA and attended the elite Fighter Weapons School, marking ten years with the navy that year.
“Forgive me for admitting this,” he said after the first hour into the flight, lowering his voice when a passenger trying to sleep glared at them. “But while I know who you are…I’m not really familiar with your work. Y-yeah I mentioned your one song but that’s literally all I know,” he laughed nervously. “My taste in music, I’m embarrassed to say aloud, is very limited.”
Y/n tilts her head, “how limited?”
“Uh, I pretty much only listen to the 1950s all the way to the 80s. Dabbling in what’s popular nowadays once in a blue moon. My karaoke songs are all Jerry Lewis” Bradley gives a gentle smile, “And while I can easily do a Google search, I’d much rather hear it from you if you don’t mind telling me.”
What’s that saying again? Oh that’s right, ‘And the rest was history.’
No but literally Y/n could barely contain her attraction to Bradley after he said that to her. She hoped to God she didn’t look like a fool as she spoke of her career and cool places she’s been. Time flew as they talked. In fact the two were so caught up in their conversation they talked the remainder of the journey to L.A, ending with the exchange of phone numbers and the promise to meet up.
It was decided right from the get go that Bradley and Y/n wanted to keep their relationship hidden. Regardless if the one date went somewhere, the last thing Y/n wanted was to have Bradley in the public eye and cause complications with his job. And let’s not forget her album was releasing within the next year. So, there was going to be a lot of attention on her wherever she went.
“The fact we’ve managed to keep this quiet for a year is outstanding,” Y/n said through a mouthful of cake. Bradley had surprised her with her favorite kind, the icing on the top reading, ‘Happy Anniversary, baby—we’ve got them fooled.’
She couldn’t believe they were already marking one year. Time didn’t seem to exist when she was with Bradley. He was everything she envisioned in a partner. Caring, compassionate, funny, intuitive. Listened to her concerns and communicated. Never made her doubt herself or paid attention to the media.
When she brought up her reputation, or better yet the one the press painted her out to have, Bradley stopped her and said, “who you have history with is not my business—unless they did something to hurt you because then I’ll have a problem with them. And those people talking nonsense about you have nothing else better to do with themselves. I care about you, Y/n. The only one who has influence on how I see you, is you. And I see you as the most beautiful, hardworking, intelligent person who knows her worth. Fuck what they say.”
Yeah that night ended with her jumping his bones.
Bradley took a fork full of his own into his mouth, “I for sure thought they were gonna catch us the night I snuck you on base.” After their first meeting in L.A, Bradley had returned to Virginia while Y/n remained to work on her album. It was a couple months before she went home to Tennessee, then for the holidays they planned to meet up when Y/n was on her way to New York. Sneaking her on base involved the two going undercover where they met at a discreet location and having Y/n shove herself under blankets in his backseat.
The singer laughed at the memory, “Thank Goodness for Shania. Had she not posted that photo to ‘tip off’ the paps then we’d have a whole different outcome.” Bradley laughed with her, placing his fork down on the napkin.
“I’m sorry I can’t be there for your release day,” Bradley had been called back to Top Gun for a special detachment by the Navy. Unfortunately the timing was right when her sixth studio album would drop. The details were still unclear, but that it was a team mission where he would compete against his colleagues. Y/n had yet to meet any of Bradley’s friends and vice versa. The only people in her circle who knew of their relationship were her manager, Manny, and family. But when you signed up to keep your love life private, it meant friends were lost in the dark.
“It’s okay, Roo,” she told him. “We’ll have our own celebration.” Another cake, this time with the design being the album’s cover art on it, was brought over the day before Bradley was set to fly to San Diego and the two had their private release party with just the two of them. The music was blasting through the speakers, Y/n jumping up and down with Bradley who was singing at the top of his lungs.
“Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes! You say sorry just for show! If you live like that, you live with ghosts!”
“I’m in a getaway car. I left you in a motel bar. Put the money in a bag and I stole the key—that was the last time you ever saw me—Oh!”
“Ooh, look what you made me do! Look what you made me do! Look what you just made me do!”
Champagne was popped, kisses were shared, and they danced the entire night until it came time to sleep.
They FaceTimed whenever Bradley had free time, even if it was in the later hours of the night. Those three weeks Y/n felt her heart long for Bradley in a way it had never done with her previous partners. She felt his excitement, his distress. The day he left for the mission Y/n paced around her home for hours—unable to focus on anything and overcome with nausea. It was as though her mind was trying to tell her something was wrong.
Relief came at around nightfall, the singer tripping as she raced to grab her phone when it rang. Seeing Bradley’s picture pop up had the breath she was holding in release. “Oh thanks God,” was the first thing she said.
“I’m coming back to you,” was his response. Tears pricked in the corner of her eyes, hand going to her chest to calm the rapid beat of her heart.
“I would expect nothing less, Lieutenant Bradshaw.”
Several celebrations were in store for the couple when Bradley returned to the east coast. Not only did he receive a medal from the Navy for his brave actions but got a promotion. Y/n’s album hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the first hour of its release, prompting a record number of sales in a single night for the singer.
“I’m so proud of you, Bradley,” she praised, patting the new patch on his uniform indicating he was now a Lieutenant Commander. She was met with a sweet kiss on the lips.
“Thank you, baby. I’m proud of you too—you’re gonna win everything come awards season.”
During the 2020 Grammy’s, Bradley leaped from the couch in absolute joy when Y/n’s name was called for the winner of Pop Album of the Year and Record of The Year. She missed out on Album of the Year, but that was okay. She was now the owner of 12 Grammys in total. Coming home the following night Y/n’s home was decorated with balloons, a banner reading, ‘Congratulations!!’ and of course, a cake with an edible Grammy topper.
And so it came time for a break. Six albums in a fifteen-year long career, Y/n kept it under the wraps that she wouldn’t be putting out another album for some time. Fans had started to notice she was more uplifted and vibrant in interviews, posting things on social media that were suspicious. For example she uploaded a photo of red roses, captioning it “the symbol of love.” Then there was the screenshotting of well known love songs and posting them on her story.
@ Y/nstansince04: is it me or does @Y/nL/n86 appear happier than usual? Is she hiding something?
@ getawaycarlover_: @Y/nL/n86 totally has a man or someone in her life. That recent Instagram post had all the hints.
@ fearlessdefender: I bet it’s a normal guy she’s with and not a celebrity. If it was we’d probably would’ve known by now who it was.
@ Y/ns_red_lipstick: honestly if Y/n does have a boyfriend then I’m happy for her and wish them the best. She deserves to be happy and we should respect their privacy. She doesn’t have to share with the world if it’s their desire to keep it secret.
Right when the world went to chaos at the brink of a global pandemic, Y/n thought, “you know what, I’m gonna just delete my social media—not my accounts but the apps on my phone. I want to go off the grid for a bit and just enjoy my family and boyfriend.” Not having the constant shadow of social media on her back made it easier for the singer on the break she desired.
Everyday she fell more in love with Bradley. She had been visiting him when quarantine happened so they basically went to the next step in their relationship by living together. Again, it all felt natural. They settled into a domestic life with each other early on with homemade dinners, movie nights, nerf gun wars, and karaoke contests. Bradley on the piano and Y/n with her guitar, being each other’s act and audience in their private concert.
“You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Too much love drives a man insane. You broke my will, but what a thrill. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!”
“Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess. It’s a love story, baby just say, ‘Yes!’”
Late nights were reserved for drives with the speakers blasting. Y/n camera roll would be filled with endless videos of the two, but mostly of Bradley jamming to his favorite songs. More often than usual the thought of, “I’m gonna marry this man,” would cross her mind.
“You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time. You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time. Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine!”
Y/n would lean her body out the window when it was a clear road where they were the only ones, hair blowing and the light from the moon shining down on her. Her beautiful voice carried in the night sky, Bradley in absolute awe of her and wanting to capture the moment forever.
“I came home in the mornin’ light—my mother says, ‘when you gonna live your life right?’ Oh momma dear, we’re not the fortunate ones. And girls, they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun!”
But was supposed to be maybe two years at most…..ended up being close to five.
Honestly Y/n was surprised to still have fans. To say they were shitting bricks when she out of the blue dropped a cover art for her upcoming single, ‘Love’ would be an understatement. They were losing their fucking minds.
@ Y/nwhereforartthou: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING OH MY FUCKING SHIT! PLEASE TELL ME THIS AINT A JOKE Y/N IS COMING BACK AFTER FIVE FUCKING YEARS
@ stilladirectionerbby: *insert Micheal Scott gif* OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING—Y/N’S RELEASING NEW MUSIC
@ MTV: when all hope was lost, our prayers were answered….by @Y/nL/n86
Then she announced in the same week they were getting not one but two albums that year.
@ themadalorianswife: TWO ALBUMS?!?! WE GETTING TWO?!?! GOD FUCKING BLESS
@ daddyisastateofmind: oh mother is spoiling us after making us wait so long and I absolutely am here for it.
@ neveroutofstyle_: love how @Y/nL/n86 basically said “this is my sorry for falling off the face of the earth, please forgive me.” On behalf of the fandom, we forgive you queen.
And wanna know something else?
What was even more impressive than becoming a ghost for five years with little to no sightings by the paparazzi, was that she and Bradley had yet to be discovered. Her lover was just as good of a ghost as she was. Their secret was like trying to find the Holy Grail.
Hidden like a treasure the world desired to unearth.
And on their six year anniversary, Bradley got them the same cake as the first time he did. The icing reading, "Happy 7 years, baby—we’ve totally got them fooled.”
…………….
TGM Tag list: @avaleineandafryingpan , @caitsymichelle13 , @poppyalice2001 , @cutelittlepotatofry , @luckyladycreator2 , @americaarse , @elenavampire21 , @back-tooo-black , @wildellaa , @artemissunn , @pinkpantheris
#Spotify#bradley bradshaw x reader#bradley bradshaw imagine#bradley bradshaw fanfiction#bradley bradshaw#bradley bradshaw x y/n#bradley bradshaw x female reader#lt bradley rooster bradshaw#bradley rooster bradshaw#bradley bradshaw fluff#rooster fanfiction#rooster imagine#rooster x reader#rooster fluff#top gun maverick imagine#top gun maverick fanfiction#top gun fluff#tgm imagine#tgm fanfiction#tgm fluff#singer!reader#songwriter!reader#popstar!reader
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SMOOCHES!!! Hii my cutie patootie!!! ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა
It’s been a while since I last sent something here and I’m so sorry about that!! I’m doing a lot better now (although I never got my test results back to see if I had that syndrome or not LOL) and I almost have the two new Fontaine regions 100% oopsies! But I have like serious brainrot (but school is so tiring I usually just nap the whole afternoon) anyways!! I listened to one of mitski’s songs called “Once More to See You” and ugh it honestly just reminded me of Dottore and fragile!reader. The beginning makes me think of how fragil!reader and Dottore (especially) having a reputation and being looked as “weird” or as students who don’t belong in the Akademiya. The rest of the song just reminds me of Dottore being alone once fragile!reader fell into their coma, and him longing to feel your hand against his. To have your warm touch, caress his cheek, kiss his lips, embrace him, and to say his name, “Zandik!” In that lovely tone of yours. ouuughh I love fragile!reader and Dottore so so much just Dottore having to wait so long for them to wake up. Like imagine having to wait hundreds of years for the only person who’s every shown you affection and love. The only person to hold you so lovingly, say your name with love and not disgust, or with horror.
And after waking up??? Oughhh I know I say this a bit frequently but Dottore would become so so protective and possessive. I mean, you’re the only thing he has left, and he almost lost you once. He won’t spare to almost lose you another time, especially after centuries went by without your warm touch, or your voice. He defff savors every moment you two have together when he’s available. And especially when he becomes so used to having you on his lap and him being able to feel your heartbeat. Sometimes he may unconsciously tighten his grip on you when he’s holding you.
okieokie I think that’s enough for today!! I hope you’ve been doing amazing smooches again I’m so sorry I’ve been away I always wanna brainrot but sometimes I think my ideas aren’t that great compared to anons (YOUR ANONS ARE SO AMAZING I LOVE READING EVERY POST, AND KAI’S WRITINGS <333 MWA MWA!!) But i hope you’re getting lots of rest and staying healthy!! A bunch of chu chus n hugs, n maybe a few cuddles ! hehe!!
-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon! ౨ৎ
🎐 ANON MY BELOVED!!! Oh my gosh I'm so happy you're back and alright, I missed you, and I'm so happy to hear your health has gotten better ❤️ Congrats on your Fontaine exploration and omg i totally understand, take those naps if you need to 😭 I'm not much of a napping person but those few times that i do nap, feel so good lmao. Okay brainrot time~
WAH THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO ANOTHER MITSKI SONG... omg i love this so much. Dottore was definitely ostracized and excluded in the Akademiya, everyone thought that he nor his crazy ideas belonged there. And you, I imagine your reputation start to get dragged through the mud the more you hang out with Dottore. They just don't understand. Why would you ever want to even sit in the same room as him, much less befriend him? You started to be labeled as the same things as him. You don't mind (most of the time, sometimes it still gets to you) because you think those people are just shallow compared to your friend. But Zandik himself doesn't understand you either? There's no way that his "friendship" (your words, not his) is worth the stress of all this. He doesn't understand, it's not like you're using him, if anything he's the one using you instead. Zandik doesn't understand... but he's not going to admit that the fact that you chose him over everyone else makes him feel a certain way. And that tingly feeling only grows and grows. And he refuses to acknowledge it... until you leave him and suddenly everything he's chosen to ignore hits him at once. Everything that Zandik's been trying so hard to deny, he admits to now. He misses you... he longs for your touch, your kindness, the way you treat him with such love, your voice... as horrible as this is, it really did open his eyes. Made him realize that living by himself again in the dorms is slowly making him even crazier without you. Made him realize that he's willing to do anything, and i mean anything, to get you back.
OH YEAH Dottore is extremely protective over you when you finally wake up. See, Dottore isn't really scared of someone else hurting you. He knows that he and his segments would never let that happen. Rather, he's scared of other things. Like your illness. Things he can't control. Dottore is a man who's used to being in control now, so when he can't predict things? When he can't see them coming? He doesn't like that. Not one bit, especially when it comes to you. He needs to know everything, otherwise, he won't be satisfied. He can't risk you being hurt again, not under his watch. You're very confused in the beginning because hello? This is the same guy who used to let you go out and do all these crazy tasks on his behalf? But yeah, he can't help but be very possessive. It's very Dottore like of him.
Thank you for the delicious brain rot 🎐 anon!! I enjoyed it tremendously :3 AND SHUSH YOUR BRAINROTS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM. But yuppp my anons and Kai have such yummy writing!! I am doing well, thank you :) just busy but I'm fine! Giving you lots of my hugs and kisses to you toooo <33
#smooches talks#🎐 anon#fragile reader <3#dottore love notes <3#when i was in hs and it was super hot sometimes id nap as soon as i got home 😭 good times#it was worth it cuz i cant work properly when its hot 🙏
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For your new Insta prompt for harry’s house!yn…can it be a collab with Nova? Maybe do one about her Matilda one shot and blurb? Idk I just think it would be so good 🥲
okay i’m nervous cause i don’t want to completely cock up the vision of nov’s matilda fics😫
disclaimer: this is for my harryshouse universe but i’m using @astranva matilda fic as beautiful inspiration;
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y/ninstadiary (12/3/18) today i met someone different. i pushed myself to go on a date. i’m still confused as to his motif behind taking me out, but he was nice. he had kind eyes. and was really pretty actually. i’m writing in the uber on my way home from our date at the museum. it felt weird to be in the presence of someone i actually wanted to be around. not sure whether i’ll go out with him again or whether i deserve it? today felt lucky though. :)
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12,937 likes
HSUpdates Harry spotted at a Museum with a group of friends. Sources stated that he was mainly talking to a girl who viewed the entire display with him. (12/3/18)
1,656 comments
harryfan1 I want to go on a museum date with him.. damn
harryfan2 his yellow trousers YAASSS
harryfan3 it’s always so embarrassing when he catches us taking photos
harryfan4 @/harryfan3 his sixth sense 😭
harryfan5 museum? how classy
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y/ninstadiary (1/5/18) he wants to go out with me again? this will be our third date? i’m so confused. i think i’ve forgotten to mention that my date and crush is harry styles. his music has saved me so many times and was the person who inspired me to create my youtube channel. i had my therapy session today also and told them that i feel like a fucking alien. i told them i don’t know what I am feeling. i’m scared and confused. i want to like him but i’m terrified.
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y/ninstadiary (17/8/18) this photo now means a lot to me. this man said he loves me today. harry said it casually that it took me a moment to realise what he’d said. i was so conflicted at first, trying to make sure he knew what he’d said and whether he truly believed it. but he does. he loves me. i took a photo of him today (above) so i could remind myself of how beautiful he looked when he said he loves me. my therapist also suggested adding him onto my personal diary log… so hi harry❤️
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harrystyles I only want to tell you I’m so proud of your heart and your courage and bravery. I love you.🍋
17,364 likes
HSUpdates Harry seen today riding a bike along with the YouTuber Y/N L/N in Italy. (20/3/20)
2,756 comments
harryfan1 OMG SORRY DILF?!?!?!?
harryfan2 🌱IS BACK
y/nfan1 SORRY WHAT?????
harryfan3 @/y/nfan1 i wonder whether they’re dating???
harryfan4 THEY’RE SO CUTE I CANT
28,777 likes
yourinstagram vibes today📚
2,464 comments
y/nfan1 omg y/n are you a matilda movie fan??
yourinstagram @/y/nfan1 most definitely! she’s my favourite character ever! i just watched this movie tonight with someone and i fell in love even more.
harryfan1 matilda loving her books as much as y/n
y/nfan2 matilda is my guilty comfort movie
harryfan2 omg imagine y/n was watching this with harry…
25,837 likes
HSUpdates Harry and Y/N spotted getting cosy outside of a sushi restaurant in London today. (28/11/21).
3,546 comments
harryfan1 their relationship is the cutest fycking thing
harryfan2 i love how we keep getting secret pap photos of them just being completely in love❤️
y/nfan2 we’re officially adopting harry into our y/n fandom
HSUpdates @/y/nfan2 And we’re adopting Y/N into ours!
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y/ninstadiary (1/1/22) h sent me this today and i cried. i still sometimes have a hard time coming to terms with the fact he loves me. he brings me sunshine on my darkest of days. since our relationship has been public i’ve gotten better with getting to know my emotions and learning that it’s okay to feel. h has helped me so much, like he claims i’ve helped him too. he keeps on telling me that he has a song he wants to share with me but am i ready to hear it?
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harrystyles I know you’re ready. I’m here and you can hold my hands the entire time. You have my entire heart Y/N, so it’s going to be okay.🍋
15,827,232 likes
harrystyles Last night was not only special because I got to perform my third album for the first time, but because of a fan project that was in support of Y/N and the song Matilda. I was unaware this was taking place and was completely taken aback by how beautiful you all looked holding up your signs and your roses. Thank you for giving my Y/N some hope and love. You have now given her sun on the darkest of days, just as you have for me. Eternally grateful for all of you. Love you, H.
826,978 comments
y/nbff we have still yet to recover
harryfan2 thank you harry for writing a song as powerful as matilda🤍
yourinstagram im still sat crying on the floor
harrystyles liked this comment
annetwist Welcome home, Y/N💖
jeffazoff ❤️
109,757 likes
yourinstagram i started a family who will always show me love because of you. i love you. and i love every single one of you. i haven’t been able to stop crying. thank you.
32,646 comments
sarahjones You deserve the crown, queen 👑
harryfan1 proud of you y/n💜
y/nfan1 y/n we love you xx
gemmastyles 💛
harrystyles Strongest person I know. I love you.
yourinstagram @/harrystyles 🍋
#harry styles#harry styles x reader#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x y/n#harry styles fanfic#ask finelinevogue#finelinevogue#harry blurb#harry styles concept#harry oneshot#harrys house instagram#harrys house finelinevogue#harrys house masterlist#harrys house#harry’s house blurbs#harrys house matilda#harry styles fluff#harry styles blurbs#nova my love#astranova
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firstly i apologize for how long this is going to be 😭
i was so emotional as i read attention cuz i just KNEW that there would be an ending eventually, and ofc, i never wanted attention to end. but you wrapped it up SOOOO beautifully! i feel so bad that i can't capture HOW amazing of a read that was in words!! trust me, attention means so so much to me. whenever i thought "i can't wait until chapter 6 comes out!" my anxiety kicked in because i knew that when chapter 6 came out.... it would be over. and that day is here
reading this was like eating your favorite chocolate. every single bite being enjoyable... something you'd think back on days later and crave for more. never getting tired of it.
honestly, its amazing how there is SO much creativity and wonderful fanfics on tumblr... for free? ITS INSANE. as i was reading it i kept saying "this is crazy!" i mean, i couldn't believe?? the plot twist?? the dialogue?? the pacing?? the list could go ON! forever. also you are SO sweet and kind 🫶🫶
i honestly thought she would be furious about what happened to greene... like my jaw dropped as SOON as her mom told her that he was sent to be a peacekeeper. at that moment i KNEW it was all snows fault. i seriously felt like it was over for them... like a whole fight scene was about to take place and she would move out, leading to snow being destroyed, alone, teary eyed and begging her to stay... that wouldve crushed me. i'm so glad she felt the complete opposite.
it's was SO interesting to think back on and see her progress. at first she was desperate, trying to win snow over by playing his games, trying to turn the tables and make snow become weak for her. but eventually she got the idea, and now SHE dominates HIM. it was neat seeing things come full circle!! now he's getting a taste of his own medicine (pun intended?)!!
also medicine is like... god i mean, do i even??? one of my top harry songs. SO GOOD!!!! do you also listen to him?? if so i can recommend other (more unknown) songs of his that give the same vibe if you'd like!
i am REALLY excited for your future works!!!! i admire your writing style and how talented you are. tbh you're the reason i'm inspired to start my own fanfic. but honestly, i'm scared because it is SO difficult thinking of a good storyline and plot... my brain is blank. i feel like every thing i think of sounds generic and cliche which puts me in a writers block. (do you have any tips?)
thank you so much for taking the time to read this!! i hope you have an amazing day!!
-💐
flower nonnie you. can have my whole heart here *carves it out walks it to fedex and mails it to you w next day delivery*
i read this first thing yesterday and it MADE MY WHOLE DAY i swear. like im so happy you enjoyed the fic so much, this is so much more than i could ever hope for as a response and it means the world to me that you’d set aside time to type out such a sweet message. it’s bittersweet to say goodbye to attention bc it is The Fic that brought me into this fandom (and out of my fic writing block) and it means so much to me bc it’s been so fun and it makes me so happy to know people feel that way when reading it. i had the final line written since (chapter 3?? i think) so i always knew that’s how i’d close it off and it was SO satisfying getting to type that last line in.
also it was sooo much fun to write her little mastermind by taylor swift moment (what if i told you none of it was accidental etc etc) and also yes omg i love harry (mostly his unreleased songs tbh!! like baby honey, medicine, talk, complicated freak) and ofc the usual suspects like kiwi and sign of the times and harry’s house. i am so so open to more song recs!! esp unreleased or lesser known ones!
in terms of writing tips, i wrote down a little thing a while back here but my main thing is to write what you want to read. that’s all i’ve ever done in fic and personal writing projects/poetry of mine. if you write for only yourself you can never go wrong imo, everything else is just topping. so start there, doesn’t matter if it’s been done before, so long as it makes you happy!! (one day i should tell the story of my first fic that actually got read by people online it was a whole journey that started with me assuming nobody would ever see it but me)
okay this is getting long i’ll close out now but thank you sweet anon for the kind words, i can’t even tell you how much they mean to me!! you are truly too kind!! 🤍🤍🤍
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(sending you an ask as a reply to your response to my reblog, because my network is being a bitch and idk if it went through the first time, it showed it failed to go through to me, and also because it’s easier this way, to type it out in the comment section or reblog)
ANYWAYS(
think i’ve said it before but i’ll say it again; gojo loves reader so passionately, so devotedly and even unconditionally. he fell so much harder, it’s heartbreaking that she doesn’t know, but it’s even more heartbreaking that he’s suffering alone, i’m genuinely waiting for the day she gets to hold him through the night and reassure him that’s it’s fine, that they will be fine. idk perfect, but i think they will be the nearest thing to perfection. perfectly splendid.
there’s nothing sexier than a man who loves passionately and consensually. idk about the rest, but personally him looking at her with so much desire and still letting go of her hands when she interlocks it because she might regret when the sun comes up is undeniably one of the most passionate moments ever. i cannot really explain how it is tbh, but there’s something so strong over there. it’s angsty, it’s heartbreaking, and there’s so much selfless love. he’s so good AND he does it so well. iykyk. also that was indeed a “slut” reference because isn’t gojo a gentleman? a man who loves you more than himself? id dedicate all my favourite ts songs to him! any day.
my favourite part about you showing her vulnerability is how it all came together since the beginning, like there were always hints and words of it and they fall together so elegantly. the pacing, the eloquence, everything has been so well put together.
her problems are so relatable…like i get that feeling when you question your calibre, your career choice and everything you’ve ever done. the inner conflict about your cv and if it’s even acceptable, unique, extraordinary? the world is so fast paced and theres only so much we can do,. it’s been refreshing to read about a character who does express their vulnerability regarding their career. i personally think we lack that substance nowadays. even in published paperbacks.
im screaming that i could make an impact on you with my words, because your words definitely made a huge impact on me. they’ve not only refreshed me, but also inspired me, i obviously cannot write a story this well, but i can write poems, i’ve done that most of my lives. i struggle with keeping up with the pacing in stories tbh. and dialogues. (and insecurities)
i’m keeping your fic in my favourite reads ever!
🫶💌
hi dear aaa im not sure if the reblog went through for me so im glad you sent the ask!!
ouu your analysis of gojo’s emotional wellbeing has me tearing up 😭 i think it’s sad too how he struggles to open up quite yet and im sure it feels like two steps forward one step back w reader so far, but im hoping that w more scenes reader can show him she’s trustworthy and can be someone there for him ☺️💕 its going to be a joy to build more of their connection. i’m suuuuper excited for gojo’s last pov chapter which i wont spoil which chap it’ll be but im alr so curious how you will receive it dear reader given how deeply youve given his character thought 🫶🏼💕
haha i LOOOVE the wildest dream ref n just all the ts refs in generaaaal i listen to folklore/evermore when i write each chap <3 and thank you it’s so flattering that you could pick up that energy btwn them in the writing i was rly hoping i could capture it 🥺
and yesss i really resonate with that! i think ive read a lot of works that do have aspects of career and romance but for kickoff im really trying to marry the two :) both w gojo grappling w his focus on soccer due to his father’s legacy rather than his focus on the more “important” things in life such as love n happiness (which his father only rly learned after he couldn’t play the sport anymore), but also in reader who holds on very tightly to her dreams & has only had them in mind since the beginning (her “terms & condition” from gojo) but she’s struggling in dealing w her fears of failure. i think that the two of them have valuable insight that they could offer each other and help them trust one another more bc of these two situations theyre in :) and could build to a more healthy and genuine romance
and yesss to all of the career doubts and wondering if you’re good enough 😭 thats something so universal and also something i genuinely wonder if it will ever go away
THANK YOU AGAIN SM FOR YOUR WORDS I HAVE SM FUN TALKING AB KICKOFF W YOU omg its got me out here emotionallll. that’s so lovely you write poems my dear i could TELL honestly haha you have such a breathtaking way w words n deliberation
also i’ll respond to your reblog of the writing tips post here but you are so very welcome im really rooting for you and awaiting your tag <33
so much love 💕
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Turning the page to a new chapter 💕
TLDR; this is my swan song/goodbye and thank you post for Tumblr 🥲
I won’t be deleting my account or anything, so you can still find all my work on my Masterlist or in chronological order here! And you can check out my (obsessively compiled lmao) EXO support/info post here 😄
I’ll be checking my inbox/messages here on and off for the next few weeks, so please feel free to hit me up on here for a bit longer 💕
I’ve been on tumblr since college, probably 2008 or so? At least a few years before Superwholock dominated the ENTIRE platform haha. I left sometime around 2015 and joined again in 2017 after lurking for a few months. This is the first thing I reblogged on here and it still brings me great joy. I was definitely a VIXX fangirl before EXO swept in like a wrecking ball and dominated my life.
I heard about kpop in 2014 from a co-worker and really got into it in a big way in late 2016 during one of the hardest depressive episodes of my life. I wrote and read fanfic in high school and college (lord of the rings, harry potter, MCU, etc.) but had no idea there was anything like that for kpop until I randomly found a tumblr fic through a google search about a BTS MV in early 2017. I was shookt. I hadn’t written fanfic in years but something about this community, especially in 2017 during the heyday of a lot of groups, pulled me in like a riptide haha.
After reading for a few weeks I finally started writing again in the Denver CO airport (a fic that will never see the light of day again ;alksjdf;laks) and posted on here the following month after deciding I’d do this just for fun and just for me. Spoiler alert: it got a bit bigger than that 😂 I have met some of my best friends on here. I’ve written so much that I’m proud of and this journey helped me write one book and get started on another. And I got to meet and interact with so many wonderful people about music, travel, writing, and life in general.
I have had AMAZING experiences - live chatting and screaming with everyone when BTS performed at the AMAs in 2017, waking up at the ass-crack of dawn for EXOs Obsession album release, losing our minds about VIXX LR’s incredibly 👀 MV for whisper with the first group of friends I made on here, and so much more.
The relationships I’ve made on here, the memes and lyrics and fics and rude gifs of biases, the fan theories and enlistment announcement support groups, have all seen me through some of the hardest years of my life. So many of the groups have moved onto other things or drastically changed after this long. Gotten married, retired to pursue other things, started solo careers, had kids, and completely taken over the entire world haha.
It’s always been about the music and everything that comes with it, but much more than that it’s been about the people in this community. The relationships and the creativity and the support. It started out being about kpop and (forgive me for going all after-school special on you all) it ended up being about US.
For all that and more, I’m so thankful for the 4.5 years I’ve been here on kpop tumblr. I know people have left the community for various reasons, the least of which is tumblr and its seeming insistence on driving everyone off the platform, but I hope the next phase of kpop tumblr/kpop community will be new and exciting in different ways.
I just wrapped up my biggest and longest running fic (exo mall) and I think it’s time to say goodbye and to end things on a high note 💕
I’m so looking forward to writing in the future, just in new formats and in different ways. I’ll still be around on discord, so feel free to message me if we aren’t already connected there or on KKT! You can always find me through the @exoasis community on discord, too.
To everyone I’ve ever fangirled with, shared fics with, sent attacking gifs with, I’ll miss you 😭
We talk a lot about what it’s like to be a creator on here and truly every single like, comment, reblog, message, moodboard, and tag reaction has meant the WORLD to me. No matter how you engage with content on here - as a creator or a reader - you’re important. I hope you enjoy your stay here on kpop tumblr no matter how long it is <3 and I hope you always put yourself first and know how incredible you are.
Take care of yourselves and take care of each other. I am so grateful to have been part of this and I truly wish you all nothing but the very best. Big hugs from me always 😘 Especially to @yeoldontknow @gingersaysjump @kyungseokie @yixingminseokjongdae who I’m lucky enough to bother on an almost daily basis 💕😂
And to KJM, who will never see this lol - thank you for everything. You’re the brightest star in my sky and I wouldn’t have made it through these past four years without you as my compass. You deserve the entire world.
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OHH tbh i always thought he was just going for a higher pitch (the dr. heart stealer song) and he's just really getting into it?? i agree though some songs are o o f,, but i never heard the aot ones so idk the comparison how he sings as levi
and oh no its not ur fault i totally forgot about specifying since im so used to the abbreviated version,, sorry about that! but it stands for shin megami tensei, idk if you know persona like persona 5 etc. but yeah persona is smt's spin off!! it's more popular than the original lol. but yeah it's a great game!! if u ever feel like trying it do tell i love that game yayayay talking about them how's it going with age of calamity? did u finish it? i never played that game is it like botw orrr older zelda games? actually is it old. i should search it up but im too lazy 🥰🥰 i 9nly played botw so i know nothing ‐ actually im just gonna search this sooga guy out of curiosity i imagine him with a tribal mask and idk height that rivals corazon so like gigantic (u. described him in a post i think but i forgor)
+ coming back after vacation with 2 of ur fics... m'lady i'm blessed i gotta read em later,, i actually have something for u the timing is impeccable
also i wanted to ask which timezone are u in?? cause like. when u post something its usually like. at 6 am or earlier for me lmao (also do u prefer these like. divided or is the long ask better? or is it the same — lol)
1- I forgot where but I saw somewhere that Law’s VA just doesn’t ever “voice act” when singing so I assumed they were right 😭 so maybe you’re right abt the just getting really into it lol. Either way he’s got a good voice tho!!
2- I do know persona! I’ve just never played it or watched anybody play it. But I’ll look into smt whenever I finish up this Zelda phase (which who knows how long that’s gonna take lol) which brings me to…
Age of Calamity is the “prequel” to breath of the wild kind of ?? If you know the older Hyrule Warriors games from the Wii U it’s that game setting just better imo. I did like the other HW’s when they came out but they never interested me as much as the “real” Zelda games. But AOC is set 100 years before botw when the champions are still alive. It’s got a bunch of cute cut scenes that show the champions/Zelda/Link all interacting together and it makes me so happy lol. Anyway: I still haven’t finished it, I’m putting it off lol. I have 1 main mission left and 1 mission from the DLC left. I’ve been playing a bunch of side missions on apocalyptic mode as Sooga for the past like… 3 weeks now ? And speaking of him… yeah he’s just like a super fancy Yiga blademaster from botw. But he’s got the hottest voice I’ve ever heard (rivals with Law’s voice… I go back and forth between who’s I find more attractive lol). But I just. Am so in love with him 💀 even tho idk what his face looks like, but I don’t even care that much bc he’s so hot as is. (Also the height thing- my stupid theory is that he’s not actually as tall as they show him to be in the game bc of the fact he’s just a random Hylian who was “adopted” by the Yiga as a kid, PLUS there’s that guy in Kakariko Village who used to be a blademaster and he’s not 1000 feet tall lol. I think they just make him look giant to make him scarier lol. Also Link is super short so… using him to compare doesn’t help lmao)
3- I hope you enjoy the fics!!! I have so many more ideas for cute Law stuff but I can never find the time to write anymore lol
4- I’m in the US eastern time zone!! I always end up posting super late into the night/early in the morning bc my brain is just…. More active during those times?? Idk why, I’ve always been that way tho lol. And I don’t really have a preference to how the asks are sent! Whatever you want works :)
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I’ve been working on a really big gift for Assumpta that I plan on giving her when I see her, and that’s a USB with almost all of her films and shows from the start of her career to 1995. I’ve spent the last six years hunting down and finding everything that I could of hers, and have probably spent hundreds of dollars collecting rare and out of print DVDs. (Rossini! Rossini! is my crown jewel; that alone was $80. The last copy I saw was from 3 years ago, and was listed at $400- you can’t find it anywhere now). Surprisingly, I’ve found a big chunk of her obscure works on a Russian video website. Not entirely sure why but I’m not complaining whatsoever.
In general I just like her stuff. Initially it started because I was looking to make edits and take screenshots for icons to use for rping Teresa. And it was incredibly difficult to track down her works. It STILL is sometimes. Her stuff from 1979-1995 is notoriously hard to find, and it really comes down to her works being foreign films and in a time period where things weren’t preserved well. Some films or shows I still haven’t found and likely never will. I search every foreign version of websites like ebay and amazon, or use their countries equivalent. i’ve visited so many shady websites and had to use vpn’s to even look stuff up. I couldn’t believe it when I found Adelaide on Vimeo, as only VHS or Betamax (who tf has a betamax machine anymore?) copies existed, often for $100+. I sent it to her and she was SO excited- she hadn’t seen that film in 30 years, since the premiere in 1991. And I decided I had to find all her works that I could if only to let her watch her own stuff again.
It made me sad to think so much of her works are inaccessible due to the time in which they were filmed and copies not being preserved that even SHE hasn’t seen many of them. Nowadays you can find quite a few on Amazon Spain (which ofc I can’t access) and some are even being made into Blurays! It’s great progress. But media preservation and access to stuff like this is important to me in general. I got to speak with John Tams, who played Hagman and was one of the co-composers of the Sharpe series, about the music in the films that weren’t included on the official CD. He told me that because of the technology at the time, going from analogue to digital meant that archiving was barely possible or desired because of the amount of space it would take. Those songs now only exist in the films- the rest are completely erased from history and quite frankly it’s devastating to think too hard about it.
So out of my list, I’ve managed to find about 71 of about ~90 films and shows/episodes of hers. Some I don’t think I’ll ever find. I’m still figuring out the best way to download videos online but I’ve ripped almost all my DVD’s and Blurays of hers, but I still have a ways to go.
This post was just supposed to be me bitching about how I managed to rip Company and Enemy, but not Rifles and Eagle lmfao. I got a little sidetracked. But yeah I’m worried bc the Sharpe Bluray’s were damn expensive and bc I watched those two films SO much the disc is...a little worn. But I don’t want to completely rebuy the collection so I’m gonna keep trying 😭😭😭
#;ooc#(sorry im just rambling)#(at this point i just need to make the Assumpta Serna Film Archive)#(6 years of collecting her works.......i'm normal i promise)#(we are Friends Now and that's what friends do!!!)
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OK I JUST SAW YOUR POST AND I LOVE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE GIRL OMGGGG DONT EVEN RIGHT NOW. I USUALLY WAIT UNTIL YOUVE POSTED THE WHOLE STORY THO BECAUSE IM LITERALLY THE MOST IMPATIENT PERSON EVER AND I CANNOT WAIT I NEED TO BINGE READ EVERYTHING LMAOOO (also not to expose myself but im literally the anon who said they sobbed while reading ‘screens’ BUT YOURE JUST SOOOO GOOD IT MADE ME EMOTIONAL OKAY???)
OKAYYYY SOOOOO I LISTENED TO THE ONES YOU SENT AND OH MY GOODNESS !!!! THEYRE SO GOOD I ACTUALLY ADDED THEM ALL TO MY PLAYLIST AND I THOUGHT ID SHARE SOME OF MY FAVES WITH YOU <333
Ker Yegu (Solo Piano) - Yann Tiersen (this one is so good it actually distracted me from the book i was reading when i first heard it)
I’ve Been Thinking of You Every Single Day Ever Since - Laurence Ipsum
Simplicity - Aree
Nantes - Neil Cowley
and another song that’s NOT instrumental but it’s sooo good and i thought of you, i think you’d like it if you haven’t heard it already
cold/mess - Prateek Kuhad
sorry for the dump this was a lot!! but i just wanted to say thank you for entertaining this reallllyyy fun conversation with me i literally get so giddy when i see you replied to my ask i love hearing about all your opinions (no matter how unprofessional they may be, they’re really good as far as im concerned) and really, im open to listening to anything you recommend lmao BUT YEAH THIS IS LONG ENOUGH SO I HOPE YOURE DOING REALLY WELL AND IM SENDING LOVE ~🎶
Don't worry about dumping this! I'm so excited!
I did one listen through of each and here's what I thought:
Ker Yegu -- so pretty. Very peaceful, I actually wrote while listening to it!
I’ve Been Thinking of You Every Single Day Ever Since - This is the kind of music I imagined would be playing when I was little and imagined falling in love. It reminds me of like sweet gentle smiles.
Simplicity - this was so cute and gentle! I liked it so much!
Nantes - i really liked the special effects (?) on this one. The ones that made it feel like it was spinning around my head. It was kind of centering if that makes sense!
cold/mess - This is the cutest song in the world 😭 thank you for sharing it, I really really loved it! i could see myself writing a story about it 👀 It's very Zipper-Harry hahahaha
ALSO WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT EXPOSING YOURSELF. I'm SCREAMING! YOU'RE MY 🎀-anon!!!!! I've been so worried about you because I hadn't heard from you since I posted screens! Omg I'm so happy! 😭
Also, I totally get what you mean about waiting for the whole thing to be finished. I just found out that Bridgerton is doing the split season and I'm PISSED. It's so annoying. give me the whole show or don't. I honestly don't even know why I pay for netflix anymore.
Anyway! I'm so happy you shared these songs and that you're my 🎀 anon as well! I'm so happy! 💕
xoxo
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helloooo!!🩵 how are you?? I've taken some rest (and yes, I did reread otde...) but I wanted to thank you for even reacting to the playlist! I'm so glad I got to share it with you and introduce you to some new artists! I still listen to yours and I agree with you saying that both yours and mine give off the same vibe! They definitely do and i honestly love that sm! 💗 since I reread the story I got a ton of motivation ( and an amazing mood, god i love this story so much omfg) so be prepared for the moodboard AND the playlist bc my mind's just full of ideas rn also, thank you so much for giving me such nice replies, it feels like you really read all of my rants and it just makes me so happy ajwhehhehe i always get so so so excited and overall happy when you reply😭🩵buuut I got share something with you🤭
So I've been thinking what types of love/ tropes could fit with Felix and aside from best friends 2 lovers and enemies 2 lovers, I think the type of love where both love each other so much that it slowly eats away at them is so fitting! Like the type where they are always together, doing everything together to the point where they don't even know anything beyond each other — they know it's slowly ruining them but they don't care as long as they are together, and they always put each other before anyone else which kind of ends up with the losing a few friends/aqquantiences but they still just really don't care because, you know, the still have each other. the kind where they love each other with their own bones, know everything about the other by heart. Lets say, the type of love where it slowly ruins them, without them even knowing. I feel like this fits Felix so much,bc he's so nice and sweet that before you could even begin to notice that what you two have may be a bit unhealthy, you'd just simply be to deep and wouldn't be able to imagine a life without him. like soulmates / twin flames but a bit twisted 🤔 why I'm saying this is, because i think that mc and felix in otde are so tied together that in some future, this could potentially fit them (not neccessarily perfectly but it's there, you know what I mean?) , since they're going through the hardest times together, but also bc I feel like you might like this trope! Unfortunately, I haven't seen anyone write for Felix (which makes me a bit mad so I might as well do it myself)
But that's all for today's rant! Hopefully it wasn't too long🫠 as always stay safe and take care, love you sm! 🩵💗
welcome back my🩵🩵 i’ve been wondering how the rest of your week has been!! i’m glad you got to rest (and do a little reading🤭) i’ve been pretty good, but im so ready for the weekend lol.🫠
omg no need to thank me for reacting to the playlist, to be honest i’ve already come back to it multiple times since you sent it my way💕 it makes me so happy to hear that you feel motivated just from re-reading the story because i feel the same about your playlist, having all of these new songs to write to has certainly helped me get a good start on chapter 5.🤭 and i hope you know how excited it makes me to hear that you're planning to make the moodboard too?!?! if it comes from you then i already know it’ll be a masterpiece, and now i have even more motivation to look forward in the future!! you’re spoiling me🩵🥹 i love your “rants” (every single word!!) please never stop sending them, they are so special to me and put the biggest smile on my face no matter what time of day it is or wherever i am when i read them :) i dont think ill ever be able to express how much i appreciate them but ill continue to do my best to try💕
oohh something to share you say….🤭
“I think the type of love where both love each other so much that it slowly eats away at them is so fitting!”
AND I THINK YOU’RE ONTO SOMETHING HERE. i completely, totally, one HUNDRED percent agree with you. this is SO Felix i can’t even put into words how much i enjoyed reading this because YES. just yes. like the type of love where its totally harmless at first, right? there’s this unexplainable connection between them that neither of them can ignore...even from the first time they see each other. and then they start spending more and more time together because they just can’t help it. and soon they're all each other can think about, and they’re not even trying to do things like push others away but they continue to let it happen, because they’re just so intoxicated with each other you know???? (omg i could go on forever) and i think felix is the perfect person for this trope because like you said, he’s so sweet and i can see him getting completely wrapped up in his partner because of how much he seems to genuinely care for those around him (and i mean vice versa, who wouldn’t get tunnel vision for felix????) the idea of soul mates and twin flames is great and all, don’t get me wrong, but take something that’s supposed to be innocent and make it a little twisted?? that is RIGHT up my alley. and i think it perfectly suits our main duo in otde because they're already feeling that pull toward each other and it's only natural that their bond will grow even stronger because of what they're currently going through/will go through together in the future....🫢
so in conclusion..you are a a genius🩵🩵my mind is already buzzing with inspiration from reading this🤭 and it makes me want to pick your brain even further to find out what other brilliant ideas you have hiding in there lol. okay okay im cutting myself off here (i am so very sorry for how embarrassingly long this😂) thank you so much once again for the inspiration💕🤗 i hope you have a wonderful weekend, it always makes my day to see the little blue hearts in my inbox, ily so very much🩵🩵
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18 Jan u ary 2023 10:15 am pdt Wednesday
Since 2017 I felt as if was dying over and over again and even more so since 2019. Every time I could not breathe It felt like death and excruciating big pain followed every time. I m very much tired of trying. When I have diarrhea I can’t breathe. When I’m hot I can’t breathe. When I m coughing I can’t breathe. I don’t recall ever taking anyone’s breathe away, and I bcz I believe I did not kill anyone, I don’t believe I karmically deserve this either. 10:21 am pdt
why are there so many songs sang by women about not breathing again? Is it because god and man are cruel to women?
Toni Braxton
Jordan sparks?
I feel like I’ve heard a bunch.
10:25 am pdt
10:32 am pdt going back to talking about that one woman, I will give a made up name to keep her anonymous: let’s call her Q. 10:35 am pdt
10:43 am pdt gurgled a lot again 😞😭 yesterday felt both of my temples of my head have been torn into. It’s abnormally unsmooth now. Also, what king David did to Uriah sounds like desolation in a different form - when He sent Uriah back into battle and had everyone withdraw so he was killed by the opposition in battle by himself. God also killed off all his other children? Was it? Except Solomon ??? Was it??? Another form of desolation I guess. 10:49 am pdt so I guess god likes to have multiple wives and then kill them off, too?
10:50 am pdt
11:14 am pdt weird taste in my mouth I don’t like. Congrats to sumner bcz Adam is naming their baby after her.
11:15 am pdt I once met a couple who did that, named the son after the mom.
11:16 am pdt big bear lake gets snow.
11:16 am pdt I once tried snowboarding there and I fell on my face a lot and had no lessons or knowledge on how to. And to avoid snowboarding into people I intentionally tried to stop a lot and fell and ruined the pants too when I fell on my butt. I had rather fall over than run over someone at that time. I was 18 years old I think. My sister probably lost her virginity there before she turned 16 years old. I choose not to believe in incubus though, they are thick faced liars. 11:20 am pdt probably not capable of real intimacy so they choose to rape and they do it to multiple women which is why they kill them off I guess?? Or maybe some other reason.. 11:21 am pdt I am in misery there ain’t nobody who can comfort me 🎶🎵🎤 my cousin probably lived in Missouri until she was 8 years old? Incubus is probably busy raping her now at a hotel. We had a fight . Incubus are good at desolation and causing fights with their sorcery vibes. 11:24 am pdt
11:26 am pdt I saw weird bubbles and transparent slightly white pieces in my #3 similar to when my lips peel. Might be intestinal skin peeled or maybe stomach. Woopy. 😞😖😭
11:34 am pdt so about Q. Q and I started liking the same guy and we didn’t tell each other to back off and we were still nice to each other. She even got kissed by another guy at a party 🎉 she was flirting with and she said she wanted the kiss. But I don’t remember the timing ⏱. There was a lot of shuffling, she set me up with a guy who had the same birthday 🎂 but younger than me but I couldn’t feel it but had a difficult time trying to tell him bcz I’m not good with that communication especially about feelings. Eventually he starts to like Q, but she tells him she likes the other guy but he’s willing to date her even though. And she wanted to start the artsy company with Sagittarius ♐️ incubus’ friend. And so, I was lured into getting physical too fast 💨 with Scott. I think 🤔 it was what was oh after 11:42 am pdt
11:53 am pdt after I think 🤔 it was after s*x/rape? Should I call it rape? Although at the time I did not label 🏷 it rape but after thinking it over for years I think 🤔 it probably could be considered rape. ... so I asked Q, why are you not dating Scott? She gets a weird deer 🦌 in the headlights look 👀 I guess and then she says I think I remember 11:57 am pdt
12:11 pm pdt “uuuhhh... because my mom said not to date guys who wear hats” 🧢 😞😵 this girl 👧 I think she probably avoided telling me that much about her. Usually she says stuff like I missed you and love you girlie. I might be told I’m making assumptions, but it seems like maybe she likes to play ldumb???? If someone tells you something like that doesn’t that mean they think someone might be bad news ???? 📰 in 2010 when I’m in the car 🚗 with him again reluctantly bcz my mom said I should see him again, and my mom usually doesn’t ask how I feel , I have a weird curse on me to do what she says after I get tired 😓 of saying no to her. It really is a CURSE, so Q says “be careful” without explanation. 12:18 pm pdt not a reliable friend. I bought Q a nice $60 Pearly shell 🐚 pendant from a Havvian (Hawaiian) jewelry booth at an art 🖼 fair - something I would have liked for myself but I bought for her. I am WEIRD. I had weird reasons for doing it that I don’t want to think about. I think at that time the true underlying reasons was I was starting to get desperate to make more friends. It was a bad move in my opinion after the fact. Also in 2012? I bought her another $60 necklace that said “fuckin cute” on it from a jewelry and clothing boutique in New York .. it was bronze pendant and heart ♥️. She’s Italian and Irish ☘️ with light green eyes 👀 although she once used the word “hazel” to call it her eye color hazel eyes 👀... we were wasting time ... it was always you 🎶🎼🎵🎸 she also went to a maroon 5 concert without me and Coachella many years ago on my birthday 🎂 after sending me a message asking if I want to see the new Harry Potter movie when it’s in theaters 🎭. My feelings were in and out a lot. It was probably a bad and premature investment. I should have spent it on other people who were around longer in my life. What @_@ possessed me??? Was it the sweet candy 🍭 way she spoke to me and how she didn’t seem to give up calling me? When other people usually did? I also once told her that I might have found someone who I was thinking could 12:31 pm pdt
12:45 pm pdt I bought her the first necklace probably 2006? It was (gurgled 12:46 pm pdt) she was dating an Asian guy named Daniel. After the first fling with Scott, I don’t think I realized how bad of a friend Q was being to me, bringing that guy Scott around me. I don’t think I told her much details about the fling, and I remember her blaming me for doing it with him. I think I probably even blamed myself too for a while so I didn’t rebuttal her blaming me. 12:51 pm pdt. But around Halloween 2007 🎃 I felt like I could not forgive him, that it was hard to talk to him again. Even though I think I had also become glad early on that he didn’t call ☎️ me back. It was probably at the Halloween party 🎉 that I had started to feel this way after enough time had passed and we had some distance to stop 🛑 from caving into s*x addiction. 12:57 pm pdt trying to remember what I felt then. This is probably as close as I can get to remembering for now. Because with addiction sometimes you do it even though you don’t feel great doing and about doing it. I think I might have felt ill/sick emotionally? Mentally? As if my heart ♥️ Did not want it but my body is saying let’s go 🎶🎼🎵 1:02 pm pdt
11:07 pm pdt I reread what I wrote. I want to do a better job at writing ✍️ typing it typing 💬 maybe I did and incubus minions edited it. Diarrhea makes it difficult 😞. If I don’t eat does my anus hurt more????!
11:09 pm pdt I started typing 💬 earlier at 12:31 pm pdt that I thought I found someone I felt that I might be able to be best friends with, but it took me a while to get to feeling that way, so I’d didn’t call ☎️ her back immediately. When I have negative feelings such as not feeling like I can put on a happy face for the phone call ☎️ I don’t think I should call/talk. It’s something I think 🤔 I became conditioned to be because of my parents separation/divorce. My mom had a hard life and there were times when she tried to get me to live with dad. She said she only wanted to see happy faces or something like that, so I had to learn early on to fake being happy if I wanted to stay with mom. I probably wasn’t very good at it, but the mentality I guess I could call it was introduced to me early on ?? Somehow??? There were times I felt very blank and thought 💭 (gurgle 😭 11:16 pm pdt) this isn’t normal I need to feel something or fake feeling something so they don’t think I’m abnormal sort of thoughts 💭 during the separation. I was weird. Why I felt self conscious about something like that at that time. When I thought 💭 my mom was being mean to me I got angry 😡 and she got angry 😡 at me back for being angry it seemed. Probably a year later when I was probably crying she said “I SHOULD BE CRYING! .... MAAMAA!” She cried out for her mom. I think this indicated for me that I wasn’t allowed to be angry and I wasn’t allowed to cry 😭. There was a time I felt like crying and I tried to hide and then she came to find me in the apartment as if she knew I was trying to hide my tears 😭 from her.
11:24 pm pdt going back to the young woman 👩🏻 I thought I could be best friends with... I was very shy 🙈 and still afraid 😱 to be myself... but I started thinking 💭 and feeling maybe she’s one of those people who I can REALLY reciprocate best friends feelings for, and when I started feeling this way, I stupidly told Q, that I thought She could become a best friend. I had already added them both to Facebook, so Q knew who I was talking about. Coincidentally though, it might have been too late and that woman changed her mind about me. I don’t know if it was because I took too long or if Q said something to her. The odd thing is, after messaging her and leaving voicemails I found that she had a SECOND Facebook! Weird! And she had left a sarcastic sounding reply to one of my voice messages. So I had to give up 🆙 on her. It’s weird because we had went out to lunch not too long before that and she was offering a sample pack of her company’s products that she said was good for eczema, and I had actually met her at college through my ex boyfriend when we were still together. She was very talented artist 👩🏽🎨 and knew words like deciduous and liked Godzilla movies and she seemed also maybe a little shy sometimes and maybe a little mellow? All in all, a nice person with probably a lot of humility? Even though she was talented. At first I had feelings of she’s such a catch that maybe someone I dated in college might like her and I grew jealous and I didn’t want to mistreat her out of jealousy so I avoided calling ☎️ her back because of those feelings, too. I think 💭 I probably had hoped for the feelings to go away, and when the jealousy feelings went away emerged the feelings that I might really like this woman 👩🏻 and feel comfortable with her enough to be a better form of myself? Feelings and thoughts 💭 are weird. I am weird. 11:39 pm pdt
11:45 pm pdt so b4 I wrote this evening I oddly came to a realization? Noticed, my 20 year old cousin’s name starts with “B.” Like the old English “B” on incubus’ neck. For some people, they might think this is a cute tattoo and that the “B” stands for Behati. Incubus rapes women in their 🛌 sleep and like them young 😑🤨. My cousin when she was 9 years old, said my aunt -her mom- ruined everything by moving out of Missouri. I remember they had flew out of Missouri one winter ❄️ to relatives in Texas. Maybe there were snow ⛄️ storms ⛈ ???? And my aunt got scared??? She didn’t grow up 🆙 with snow ❄️ but I don’t know 🤷🏻♀️ if she roughed it out in the snow ❄️ while living there every year up 🆙 until that year. But when she took her to Washington (nature’s bathtub 🛁 themes) state and then California, she seemed mad that they weren’t living in the Missouri house 🏠 anymore. I think (vag pain) her dad probably said those words and she decided to repeat 🔁 those words, adopted the same opinion. They seemed to indicate for themselves, father and daughter, that they like the Missouri life, even though dad had been leaving them to work in California. 11:57 pm pdt. Anyway, for as long as I’ve known my aunt I don’t believe she has ever physically hurt me. (Pain! Right knee. Incubus did a lot of damage to my knees these last 5 years and I’m afraid 😱 of what he will do next. I don’t recall hurting people’s knees intentionally and I didn’t intentionally hurt anyone by kneeing them. 12:01 am pdt yet incubus decided to hurt my knees. I’m so afraid 😱 to mention but he completely destroyed the soft cartilage buffer layer that was floating on top of both knees. I don’t know 🤷🏻♀️ if those parts will ever grow back. Back in 2010 b4 I stopped seeing Scott again someone gave me a foam pad to kneel on which I didn’t think 💭 that I would need Bcz incubus had plans to destroy me and my cartilage buffer pieces/organs? Of my knee caps. 🦵12:06 am pdt incubus is never sorry. He will keep on destroying me bcz that’s what he wants. He chooses who he wants to be generous to. And who he wants to Gypt (spelling?). 12:08 am pdt
19 January 2023 Thursday jueves mokuyoubi???
I had witnessed 2 people biting each other once each on the arms. 1 person bit one person on the arm and the other person reciprocated identically. It was bizarre and alarming but it stopped there. I didn’t know what to do other than tell her not to do it again. That person never hurt me that I can recall. I fear that she was possessed by the incubus setting them up 🆙 to have a big rift in their relationship so he could spoil one person and easily separate them. Bcz incubus had plans similar to genji. I told someone who knew the other person longer to tell her not to do it again. At the time I didn’t know about incubus but I probably heard about possession and exorcism briefly but not in depth. 12:22 am pdt it seems though that I was expected to do more bcz I got ferociously bit in the neck by Scott in 2010. Karma. Even though I didn’t bite anyone? I think I never bit anyone. 12:24 am pdt still I seem to be stuck with the blame, per person per incubus , bcz I got bit also on the inside wrist (reminds me of “A” tattoo on behati.) 12:27 am pdt <- happened immediately after the neck bite and yank move by Scott. 12:28 am pdt
1:25 am pdt I remember it hurt a lot when I fell in my face in the snow ❄️ when I was 18 years old trying snowboarding 🏂 for the first and last time in my life. NOT fresh powder. 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵 1:27 am pdt
does living in Missouri make her snow ❄️ white???? I imagine that tattoo being a mark of intimacy if it’s supposed to be a part of a couples’ tattoo. Nieve??? Snow ⛄️ in español??? 1:30 am pdt
please read previous posts if you’re new here. 1:32 am pdt
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hii i hope u’re doing well :) !! just wanted to say that i like ur writing a lottt and i’ve lowkey been overthinking sending u this ask but well i just wanted to say that i kind of connect obs to a song i really love like :,). and well idk if u listen to mac miller much but i love him a lot and he’s one of my favorite lyricists and let me just get to the point lol sorry💀. i don’t know jungkook’s reasoning for leaving in obs but in any case, if it doesn’t relate at all to him that’s fine,, it can also maybe relate to oc(?) since there’s a lyric where mac says something along the lines of finally being ready but the other person just left,,, or idk it could possibly be a bit similar to the type of lyrics oc writes (thinking of the snippet of a song when they were in the elevator (but since it is mac singing the song then it is in a man’s pov so idk :,) )) agh tbh i’m not sure i’m making any sense atp😭. just wanted to say that i love obs (your fanfic and the drama (which thank u for unintentionally introducing it to me <33)) andddd that i have started to connect it to the song “ros” by mac miller ❤️🩹. that’s all, sorry for this whole mess :,). hope u’re having a great day 💌💌
don’t worry bub i get what you mean! i’ve been thinking about this ask since you sent it a couple days ago and it is such a cute and sweet message, thank you for rambling in my inbox 🥺 i do enjoy mac miller’s music! i listened to ros after reading this and i absolutely loved it. oh the lyrics :((
your love’s not too kind to me
i hate the pain these days of rain
you’re playing games of hide and seek, my love
and i’m still trying to find you
i’m so flattered that you could relate it to obs because this is beautiful 🥺 i’m so grateful to have you as a reader here, pls don’t ever be sorry about sending me anything bc i love you all very much and i’m always so happy to see every one of you in my inbox. i hope you have the best week ahead angel, sending u lots of love 💓
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If You Love Me (Really Love Me)
This is just an idea, but hear me...
Ok guys, I know I’m all over the place, I’m hoping from Fandom to Fandom like a starved butterfly, I’ve got two series going and several asks to fulfil BUT Pedro Pascal hit me right in the heart like a f*cking freight train 🤯 Let’s make a long story short: I started to watch power through watch “Narcos” (read: coo at Javier Peña 🙈😍) and just happened to hear an old song I love dearly and BOOM!
Just imagine Javier working for the American Government, not necessarily DEA or CIA, but something important nonetheless BUT, I don’t know, during the 70′ and not the 90′? 🤔 Need it to make it “vintage”, just follow me 😶
SO, whatever the time set, Javier Peña stays Javier Penã, what can I say? 😅 So, sure, he did whatever he needed to do to get the job done (I’ll find a good backstory, I swear) and the job had, indeed, been done. But he still fucked up badly and the Government needs him to step aside for a time without just dismissing him completely (Yeah, I’m at the beginning of the season 3, does it show? 😶), so Javier gets to be the bodyguard’s of the Ambassador Bullshit’s niece: Reader 😏
Well, maybe my Javier is slightly OOC, because he wouldn’t be thrilled about it AT ALL (while canon!Javier would be pissed AND f*ck the Reader into oblivion during the first 2k words). He resigned himself to follow a dull girl while she goes shopping and prevent her to sneak out at night to get to her lover of the month, but, hey, it could be kinda fun when I think about it... 🙈 However, this is not the plot. Nope. Reader is the sweetest, the nicest being Peña has ever met and it hurts. She does humanitarian work when she’s not smiling through her Ambassador Uncle’s meetings where he uses her as a shield of charisma. And she has a beautiful voice, so Ambassador Bullshits sends her all over Colombia to sing to Americans and Colombians military and police for every “big event”. Javier is smitten 😍😍😍
Alright, I may be in the side of the Angels, but don’t think for one second that I am one of them 😜 I said Reader was so sweet it hurts, remember? Yeah, it hurts, because Peña can’t help but want her. It’s all about the yearning and the guilt for wanting to ruin such an innocent, sweet being (did I hear “innocence kink”? Or was it “virginity kink”? Or both? Someone helps me 😵). Of course, Reader is head over heels for the kinda rough but so kind Agent Peña (age gap, daddy kink, competence kink, go feral, I’m taking notes 😏). We’re talking about hands brushing while walking through a crowd, secret smiles, blushing, stolen kisses and promises. Then about making out somewhere they shouldn’t be while all the staff is searching for her, sneaking in each other bedroom at night, jealousy, irrepressible desire to fly away. We’re talking about slow burn and true love 😍😭😍😭
I think everybody knows where I’m heading now, right to the drama. So, somehow, Ambassador Bullshit discovers his niece is having an affair with her bodyguard and that won’t do. So Peña is sent back to the US and is forbidden to contact Reader. It’s not his fault, he would never have done such a thing to her, but he still feels guilty, because Reader must think he had abandoned her, that he took advantage of her, that he played with her feelings, yadda yadda.
But I’m a sap. Like a HUGE one, so, no. Reader may be innocent and sweet and kinda naive, whatever you want, but she’s not stupid. And she’s stubborn. So, during the next big Government party Javier is forced to attend, who comes to sing on the stage for all the brave men in the attendance? Reader! Javier sees her from where he’s hiding in the shadow, he sees her eyes frantically searching for him among the other officers. He doesn’t dare show himself, God knows what would happen otherwise. He can’t contact her, Ambassador Asshole had been very clear about it.
But it’s just too tempting. And since when does Javier Peña follow the orders, anyway?! 😅 He can’t let her go, not when she’s just there, in the same room, breathing the same air as him. He’s in love, for God’s sake! So he sneaks in the backstage where he spots a conversation between Reader and her old (but funny and wise) nursemaid and it breaks his heart, because Reader is getting crazy searching for him, exhausting herself singing everywhere he could be, refusing to get some rest or to give up because she can’t live without him (I warned you, biggest sap ever, right here, that’s me 🙈).
So Javier just comes out of the shadow, Reader almost faints seeing him, they throw themselves in each other’s arms and well... Either they run away with the nursemaid’s benediction, or they just decide to face the music and confront the Ambassador, anyway: a happy ending 😁
There, that’s the idea. Now, you can scream at me 😎
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Helloo, back from my very short break. It was calm while it lasted, now time for more brainrot. Honestly though, I couldn't help myself because there's nothing better to do during the winter holidays and I definitely don't want to talk politics with my dad, so back to dramas it was! On the bright side, I did read a book and picked up 2 others as well!!
Ngl, I had watched bb by the time I sent you that last ask, but I needed time to process the mess that was that episode. I still don't understand where they're going with all of this but all I can say is that I'm disappointed. Extremely. There were cute moments and a lot of usual bl tropes grappled with really well, but overall...*shrugs* I mean come on, a gun?? Whatever happened to holding people responsible for being shitheads. I felt there was a drastic change in screenwriting compared to the past episodes, all of this felt chaotic like they pulled it out of nowhere. Maybe they wanted to put an end to the wai conflict as soon as possible so they can focus on the parents in the last few episodes but it still didn't sit right with me. I'm glad there's no new episode this friday because I need another week to forget ep 9 ever happened anfsjfjsk
I am, on the other hand, quite sad about not having not me on sunday, because it's been consistently delivering so far and I'm here for it all. Very intrigued about dan's character, I've heard people say he's a former cop, which adds more depth to the character because he'll know of the flaws in the system seeing that he's fighting back in his own way. And todd, very sus guy in my eyes. Wasn't phased by his friend being beaten up (at least that's how it looked to me), somehow knew that white returned (I'm sure no one was aware except white's dad's acquaintances since pretty much everyone else lost touch or were cut off, that's saying something here 👀), strikes me as a guy up to no good (watch me be proved wrong later).
And I'd love to talk about something that's not dramas too! My taste in things is pretty lackluster tbh, but I've got a lot of useless interests. I love dabbling in whatever I find amusing for the day and never see it through till the end, tryna fix that habit though but we'll see. That said, I've got a song rec for you, it's called 'apartment' by hikaru arata, hope you like it!
- awa :)
WELCOME BACK DEAREST 🥰🥰🥰
i feel you. i don’t have much else to do either 🤣🤣🤣 but i’m glad you read a book and started others! very productive of you! i wish i knew how to read :(
completely understandable. i myself am still processing the episode. and am starting to think that i’ll never fully process it. it’s the curse of being me 😭😭😭
i don’t know if you remember but a couple of asks ago i told you that whatever you had to say to me i completely agreed and YEAH, that still stands. i completely agree with you.
“whatever happened to holding people responsible for being shitheads” god exactly. i wish i knew 😭😭😭
while i’ve always felt small divergences here and there in the show, nothing was as chaotic and bad as the gun thing. which is just Beyond me. i fail to understand the thought process behind it. like my brain legit cannot register it’s a thing that actually happened.
i understand wanting this plot point to be over but there are better ways to do it. like for example, having wai overhear pat and pran but never expose them, let the boys share their relationship with everyone else when they’re ready to as it should be, and okay FINE let wai sulk and avoid pran at first but eventually remember pran’s words about not choosing who you fall for and how hard it is to hide a relationship and have wai eventually realize that he cares about pran way more than he cares about the stupid rivalry and pat.
and you know what?? if they wanted a shooting scene That bad then have wai get shot while defending pat instead of the other way around! have wai tell pat that he didn’t do it for him but for pran (cuz he’s mad at pran but he still cares about him). at least it’s ONE thing wai would be doing for pran, in the whole show. this would bring them closer anyways because pat and pran would take care of wai like it’s their own son and this would give him the chance to really have a heartfelt conversation with pran and they would apologize to each other for all the hiding and sulking.
and doesn’t pran’s mom LoVe wai? so she goes to visit him and finds pat and pran in the room being quite friendly. there you go, they’re still somewhat caught like in the end of ep 9.
this is just a silly example, really. but STILL. i would’ve liked it much better.
and once again i’m with you. i need another week to try and get over ep 9, so it’s a good thing for me that there’s no new episode this week.
saaaame. i’m also heartbroken that we don’t get a new not me episode 😭😭😭 legit think we deserved an exception for this one.
yes. i’ve only recently learned that dan is or was a c*p which kinda sad tbh cuz acab but i’m willing to give them a chance to elaborate on his character and how he’s fighting back in his own way!!
i also think todd is Very sus!!! i’m quite sure he’s hiding Something and is most likely behind some of this. i just feel very sad for white if he ever finds out that todd betrayed him. poor guy :(
“my taste in things is pretty lackluster” same lmaooo whenever my dad wants to talk to me about movies and music i’m there like “uhhh i liked the ying yang master? and i’ve only listened to the same three songs for two months now? which are pretty much just dramas osts” and he’s like?????? what does any of that even mean???
naaah it’s perfectly okay to enjoy things just for the day or for how you feel at the moment. + your interests are Yours so even if other people don’t like it, as long as you do it’s not a waste of time!!!
apartment is such a chill song omg!! i closed my eyes and kept imagining me driving around in the middle of the morning, windows down, wind in my hair, the ocean ahead, just vibing 🥰🥰🥰
thank you so much for stopping by, for making me feel understood and for the song rec!!! ❤️💙
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