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#i’m still depressed but i thought getting dolled up would help
pad-foots · 14 days ago
It's me again, can I request a headcanon with steve rogers comforting the reader after a nightmare?, please😊
of course lovely! hope you like this, thanks for requesting! :)
a/n: reader is gender neutral! here is a link to my navigation post!
warnings: nightmares, angst (but there’s comfort don’t worry!), mentions of violence, mentions of death
being an avenger wasn’t always fun
sure, you got to spend time with your favourite people, and your job made it ten times easier to protect those you loved
but, sometimes, things went wrong
it wasn’t uncommon to get injured on missions
even people like Tony who wore full metal suits of armour would come home with bruises and broken bones
and it definitely wasn’t uncommon to see civilians die at the hands of evil
it was depressing, but you couldn’t protect everyone, and it took a long time to come to terms with that
and even now, you still struggled - the sights of teammates limping back to the Quinjet and unnamed bodies under sheets plagued your thoughts more often than you had like
in the day, it was easy enough to deal with
you could distract yourself quite easily, occupying yourself by training with Natasha or watching a movie with Steve, Sam and Bucky
and if the thoughts got too much, you were always able to speak to somebody, whether that be Steve or a friend, you knew there’d be somebody there
but, when the nighttime came and you were alone in your room, fast asleep, there was no way for you to chase away the grotesque images that clouded your mind
you knew your friends endured them too, you had heard footsteps and sniffles heading past your room many nights before
but, you had always found it difficult to get help for your nightmares
they felt dumb to you - replays of events shouldn’t make you as upset as they did, and yet, there you were, walking down to the kitchen shakily at an ungodly hour after a particularly bad nightmare
you were cautious as your bare feet padded against the cold tiles, making sure there was nobody around to see your frightened state as you opened the fridge to grab a water bottle
you took a few deep breaths as you tried to open the bottle, your hands too shaky to uncap the lid
“do you need some help with that?”
you jumped, the bottle falling from your hand and bouncing against the floor as you gasped, your back hitting the counter as you backed up
Steve stood in front of you, hair tousled and messy from sleep, he looked concerned at how alarmed you were, inching closer to you slowly
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” said Steve, now stood in front of you with a gentle hand caressing your upper arm as you tried to catch your breath. “are you okay? it’s late.”
you opened your mouth to reply, but only a sob came out, the tears you had been holding back for weeks finally rushing out as you buried your face in the material of steve’s white t-shirt
“let’s head back to my room, sweetheart,” said Steve, detaching from you momentarily to grab your water bottle before leading you to his room, an arm around your shoulders as you tried to calm your sobs
Steve sat on his bed, pulling you down with him and letting you sit in his lap, head buried in the crook of his neck as you sobbed
“it’s alright, I’m here. nobody is going to hurt you right now. just let it all out,” says Steve, hands smoothing your hair down to help you calm down
you manage to calm eventually with Steve’s help, the reassuring words and gentle caresses grounding you
Steve asks you what happened then, mentally preparing to kick someone’s ass if they hurt you
“I’ve been having nightmares. I don’t like to tell anyone about them, b-but they’ve been getting pretty bad...”
Steve nods understandingly, leaving a gentle kiss against your forehead before talking, his hand still running up and down your back relaxingly
“I have them too, doll. we all have them. I go to Buck because he seems to be up at the most ridiculous times, he goes to Sam because, well, they’re best friends, Wanda goes to Nat or Vis, Bruce goes to Tony and so on. there’s no shame in telling anybody. you don’t have to endure it alone.”
you nod, tilting your head up to leave a featherlight kiss against Steve’s jawline
the two of you sat in silence for a minute or two, both of your eyes drooping shut but neither of you wanting to leave each other
“d’you wanna stay here?” asked Steve, leaving yet another kiss against your forehead
“please,” you agreed, hand gripping the material of his t-shirt as if you were scared he’d retract the offer and get stripped away from you
so, the two of you fell asleep with each other’s company, and that night, neither of you had to face nightmares
taglists:
general: @siriuslyslyslytherin @blackpinkdolan @princesswagger17 @james-potters-animagus @chthxnix
marvel: @laic2299 @amourtentiaa @angelxnaa @iamninaanna
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villainousshakespeare · 15 days ago
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Bobby’s Play Date Part 1
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The pandemic is keeping Tom idling in London by himself. One positive is that wearing the mask helps him avoid recognition, allowing him to wander in the park with his dog, Bobby. On one of their walks, Bobby becomes smitten with a dog named Lulu and Tom is equally enchanted by her human. Can the Hiddleston men manage to find a way to see the lovely ladies again?
Tom Hiddleston/OFC
Rated M - Pandemic, Fluff, Quarantine, Masks, Adorable Puppies, Meet Cute, Second Part May (will) Contain Smut
@yespolkadotkitty @just-the-hiddles @hopelessromanticspoonie @wine-and-whines @arch-venus25 @caffiend-queen @devilish–doll @enchantedbyhiddles @hiddlesholic @i-do-not-fangirl-i-fanwoman @kellatron55 @ladyoftheteaandblood @latent-thoughts @gorgeous1974 @maryxglz @myoxisbroken @nuggsmum @nildespirandum @pedeka @redfoxwritesstuff @sinfully-lustful-darling @vodka-and-some-sass @wrathkitty @kingtwhiddleston @wolfsmom1 @poetic-fiasco @shiningloki @dangertoozmanykids101 @bookworm-christina @thecutestlittlebunbunfairy @amwolowicz @delightfulheartdream @frostbitten-written @what-a-flammable-heart @tom-hlover @nonsensicalobsessions @myraiswack @loki-yoursaviourishere, from-hel-i-with-love, @sweetsigyn, @fictiondoesitbetter, @ms-cellanies @evieplease @viviennes-tears @turniptitaness @cynic-spirit​
It was months into the pandemic that had ground the world to a halt. Tom desperately hoped things would go back to normal soon, and that a vaccine would be found to help more people from getting sick and dying. There were, of course, many changes to the world at the moment that Tom was not pleased with. Being unable to work, for instance, or travel to visit his sisters was both frustrating and depressing. One change, however, he had to admit he was not completely adverse to.
Tom loved his fans. They were usually polite, often intelligent, and had donated millions in his name to charities. He often said that he couldn’t consider himself an actor without an audience, and he meant it. It was just that there were times when he wanted to enjoy a little anonymity. Particularly when health advisories suggested a six foot distance between people, Tom was relieved to be able to slip on a plain black mask along with his baseball cap and sunglasses and blend in with the other people wandering about on errands.
He was enjoying just such a stroll now despite the warmth, grateful for the ability to hide in plain sight. Bobby frisked happily on his lead, chasing after imaginary prey as they ambled aimlessly down the winding path. It was a lovely, sunny day, but fear was keeping many people at home and they had the park largely to themselves.
When they reached a bend, Bobby began barking excitedly and pulled Tom along, his human chuckling as he was dragged by his furry companion. The reason for Bobber’s excitement soon became apparent. Sitting on a bench placed beside a scenic little river was a woman in a flowered mask, holding the lead of a small, gold and white shih tzu dog in a ridiculous pink and white checked dress.
Tom had to take a firm hold as Bobby frantically tried to go over and meet the smaller dog, who had begun barking herself as they rounded the bend. Her fluffy head, complete with bow to keep the hair from her eyes, perked up, and she began jumping up and down in a little dance. Bobby calmed down a bit as he felt Tom’s pressure on his lead, but his tongue still lolled out of his mouth in a dopey smile.
“Steady,” Tom commanded, feeling embarrassed as Bobby continued to hover as close as allowed to the silly looking strange dog. “I’m sorry, I promise he is completely friendly.”
“It’s okay, so is she,” the woman replied, smiling with her eyes even though he could not see her mouth behind her mask. “You know, she’s usually quite shy, but she seems to like him! May I pet him?”
“Please, and thanks for asking.”
Letting the lead out a bit, Tom watched as the woman reached down to give Bobby a good pet, complimenting him on being a handsome boy. Her fluff of a pup had advanced timidly, and she and Bobby commenced sniffing and circling each other with obvious enjoyment.
“Wow, I have never seen her respond like that to a strange dog!” the woman laughed.
As she spoke, Bobby rolled onto his back and waved his paws in the air with a complete lack of dignity.
“Safe to say he is rather taken as well,” Tom chuckled. “Absolutely shameless! Mind if I have a seat? It seems a shame to deprive them.”
He gestured to the bench next to hers, wanting to keep a safe distance and indicate he respected her space, and the woman nodded. She was dressed much more simply than her dog, he noticed. Black leggings and long rose colored tee shirt, a pair of keds. Apparently, she got all of her whimsy out on her pup.
“What’s his name?” she asked, watching as the dogs frolicked with each other.
“Bobby,” he supplied. “I’m Tom.”
“I’m Leia, and that ridiculous creature is Lulu.”
“Like the princess?” he couldn’t help but ask with a chuckle.
“General,” she answered without missing a beat. “It’s what happens when you are born during the release of a cultural phenomenon. Pity all of the little girls out there now being named Daenerys or Gamora.”
Tom held his breath for a moment. If she was a Marvel fan, then did he have to worry about her recognizing him? Fortunately, she seemed more interested in the game of tag their companions were playing, and he let himself relax.
“There’s a dog run about half a mile from here,” he suggested after a few minutes of companionable silence. “It’s actually where we were headed.”
“I know, but Lulu is so skittish,” Leia sighed. “She just huddles in a little ball when the bigger dogs come near her.”
“She seems fine with Bobbers.”
“I know! Your adorable boy is some sort of sorcerer! It makes me so happy to see her playing with another dog!”
“I have to ask…”
“The dress?” she guessed; voice wry.
“Yeah.”
“She’s a rescue. When I got her, she was a pathetic, bedraggled little thing that had been there for ages. It was winter, and the first times I took her out I had to put a coat on her. After that, she started equating dressing with going out, and would get so excited every time I took a coat or sweater out for her. When the weather warmed up, I realized that I missed the way she would jump up and literally throw herself into whatever I had picked out for her to wear. It’s completely silly, I know, but it makes her happy, and she just looks so cute!”
Tom’s heart melted a little as he listened to her explain. Yes, the dog looked silly, but it was such a sweet reason that suddenly the little dress transformed into a symbol of kindness rather than an eccentricity.
“She does look adorable,” he said.
A beeping noise had him drawing his phone from his pocked, and he was surprised at the time. He had to get back home soon for a virtual session with his trainer. Oddly, he found himself reluctant to go. It had been so long since he had just spent time with another person, it had felt good just to sit in her presence and relax.
“I’m afraid I have to get going. But Bobby and I usually walk this way around lunch time,” he blurted out, lying through his teeth. “Hopefully we will run into you lovely ladies again. So that the dogs can play.”
He was more grateful for the mask than ever, as it hopefully hid the blush he could feel coloring his face. Once more her vivid eyes sparkled and she stood up too, twisting around with him as they attempted to untangle the leashes.
“I’m sure Lulu would love that!” she told him, picking up the golden dog as she whined and tried to follow after her new friend. “We’ll see you around, Tom. Bobby.”
With a jaunty step he let his long legs take him away, looking forward to tomorrow already.
It rained the next two days. Not just a soft drizzle but am early summer storm that made the idea of a pleasant walk a fantasy. Tom and Bobby both resented the weather, and it was a toss up which of them was more disagreeable as they were forced to stay indoors.
When the sun shone on the third day, Tom immediately cancelled all of his afternoon plans. He had waited patiently, he told himself, he was not going to let this day go to waste. It was for Bobby’s sake, after all. The pup deserved a nice day out after being shut up inside.
They left home mid-morning, Tom unable to sit still any longer. He couldn’t say why exactly he was so keen on meeting Leia and her silly dog again, but he had been able to think of nothing else during his enforced isolation. Perhaps it was simply the novelty of meeting someone new who didn’t instantly faun over him or act nervous and shy. She treated him as though he were just an ordinary guy walking his dog in the park; which of course was what he was!
He arrived at the benches where they had met earlier that week, but they were empty. It was still early, so they made a circuit of the nearby trails. His eyes always alert for their new friends. They passed a few other people walking their pets, but both Tom and Bobby were uninterested beyond a nod hello and brief sniff. The Hiddleston men were both to focused on finding particular companions.
It was, as it had been before, Bobby who first discovered their presence. As they were walking through a more secluded, twisting section of the park, the dog’s ears pricked up and he began barking in excitement. Tail wagging frantically, Bobby yanked on the lead and pulled Tom along behind him as he took off around a curve. A high pitched yip sounded from the direction he headed.
“Well hello there!” Leia greeted him, leaning down to scratch Bobby’s head as he and Lulu danced around each other. “We were hoping to run into you boys again!”
“Eh heh heh,” Tom laughed, dancing around to keep his leash from entangling too badly with hers. “Obviously Bobby here was looking forward to that as well! As was I.”
“Well then, I am so happy you found us.”
He felt absurdly pleased as they fell into step beside each other. The two dogs were happy to walk along, darting back and forth in play as they went.
“Were you going anywhere in particular?” Leia asked casually.
“Oh, just wandering about,” Tom answered, not wanting to admit that they had been on a mission to hunt down the ladies.
“Well then, we can wander together.”
As the dogs played, Tom and Leia chatted happily. He learned that she was an aspiring writer working on edits to her first novel, and a tour guide, specializing in guiding small groups around literary sights in London as a way to earn money.
“Of course, it’s hard to be a tour guide with no tourists,” she sighed. “You would think it would give me more time to write, but its hard to focus. Anyway, I talk too much. What about you?”
“Oh, I’m on furlough,” he shrugged, staying vague. “Just loafing about the house, annoying Bobby. So what is your novel about?”
He managed to direct the conversation back to her, even though she avoided the subject of her book. Instead, she brought up some of the more interesting places she had brought tourists. Tom, a proud Londoner, had been to many of them, and they happily discussed the more interesting locations. She seemed impressed that he had read books by most of the authors they discussed and was quite ready with a line or two from memory. In turn, Tom loved how expressive she became when describing the joy people experienced finding themselves walking in the footsteps of their favorite fictional characters.
By the time Leia announced that she and Lulu needed to head home, (Tom thought he detected regret in her voice) he was surprised to realize that they had been talking for almost two hours. It was the most pleasant afternoon he had passed in some time.
After that, Tom and Bobby spent every afternoon in the park. At first, they managed to “stumble” upon their companions most days. The days they did not were frustrating for both of them and usually ended with them barking at each other. After a few run-ins with Leia and Lulu however, Tom took the plunge and asked if they would like to make their daily meetups official. Leia seemed pleased, but with the caveat that some days she did need to stay home and write when she was struck by the rare inspiration. Tom deflated momentarily, thinking she was looking for an out, until she offered to text him an let him know if they would be absent. He happily gave her his cell phone number and took hers in return, letting her know that she should feel free to text anytime and then feeling like an idiot the minute the words left his mouth.
Over the next two weeks they met all but three days – two because of her writing and one when the skies once more conspired to thwart him. Their conversations ranged from literature to films to favorite places to travel. Leia sometimes teased him about his obvious upper class life style, jetting about to Viet Nam, Hawaii, Australia… but that was the closest his celebrity status ever came to being brought up. He would occasionally feel a stab of guilt over keeping that part of himself from her, it felt dishonest to lie by omission, but he was enjoying being just Tom, and didn’t want to spoil it.
Tom started taking more care in his appearance as the days went on. Gone were the torn running shorts and frayed t-shirts, and in their place were his slim fitting dark jeans and more presentable tops. If those tops also stretched a bit tight across his chest to better show off his muscles, well, he had worked hard enough to achieve them! He made some attempt to style his untamable locks as well, experimenting with different products until he found something that made the curls less crunchy. If he was remembering Leia’s off hand comment about how she liked his natural curls no one else needed to know that.
On the one month anniversary of meeting them in the park, Tom paced nervously back and forth near their favorite bench as he waited for them to arrive. He had a proposition for Leia and hoped desperately that she would say yes. When Bobby started frisking about he knew that he would see her walking Lulu, and spun around to see her come towards them.
“Sorry I’m late!” she smiled with her eyes. “This one managed to hide my house keys, and it took half an hour to track them down to her stash under the sofa.”
Lulu looked unrepentant as she pranced around Bobby, and Tom chuckled good naturedly. He gestured to the bench and sat after Leia, leaning back and stretching out his legs.
“No worries, honestly,” he assured her. “I am just delighted you are here now.”
“You are the perfect gentleman.”
“All lies, I assure you,” he waited for a moment, wanting to sound casual, and then launched into it unable to delay any longer. “I was wondering… The park is lovely, of course, but I thought it might be nice – for Lulu and Bobby – if they had a bit more freedom to run about. Lulu being afraid of the dog run, she has no opportunity to be off leash, and that can’t be too fun for our furry companions.”
“They seem to be having a good time to me,” Leia laughed, looking at where the dogs were investigating a small pile of leaves by the side of the trail. “But what did you have in mind?”
“Well, you see, our house has an enclosed back yard. Not huge, mind you, but large enough they would be able to chase to their hearts content without fearing larger beasts. I thought that perhaps you and Lulu might want to come over this Friday evening for dinner. There’s a testing sight not far from here. We could each get swabbed to make sure we are uncontagious. My bubble is only my Mum and Bobbers, and from what you’ve told me yours isn’t much bigger. It should be reasonably safe for you to come. I could make us dinner, and we could eat outside. If you would be comfortable with it, that is.”
He tried to look calm, but inside Tom was a riot of nerves as he waited for her answer. Leia’s brow crinkled in thought, and she glanced again to where the dogs were once more hopping back  and forth across the path.
“I can’t do Friday,” she told him, and his heart fell.
“Oh, alright then. It was just an idea.”
“Friday is my virtual book club,” she went on, talking over him. “Would Saturday work?”
“Saturday would be perfect!” he beamed.
“Great! I’ll go to the clinic for a test tomorrow then. Would you like me to bring anything?”
“Just Lulu and a healthy appetite.”
“Excellent! Now what do you say we walk over to the little waterfall?”
Tom practically floated through the rest of their walk. He had enjoyed getting to know her so much, but he wanted to spend more than an hour or two at a time with her. Dinner would give them a chance to really relax. Plus, he was dying to see her mouth. After a month of imagining her smile he wanted to know if what he had in his mind was anywhere close to reality. She would see his full face too, but if she hadn’t recognized him by now it was doubtful she would from the lower half of his face.
His confidence dipped a bit when they returned home. Looking around, Tom began to panic. Between photos of him in his full Loki regalia to a group picture with the cast of Skull island, there were far too many give aways of his fame. She might not recognize him, but you would have to like on another planet not to know who Sam Jackson was!
Tom spent the next few days rearranging his home. His awards, normally discreetly placed in a cabinet in his living room on the insistence of his mother, were moved to a back shelf in his office closet. The set photos from a decade plus of filming were shoved under his bed and various pieces of memorabilia were secreted away in the spare bedroom. By the time he was done his guilt had increased but he was fairly confident that all trace of his career had been tucked away safely.
“Well, Bobbers, let’s hope we don’t blow this,” he sighed, adjusting the bandana he had bought to go around the dog’s neck. Bobby whined slightly and Tom grinned. “None of that, you want to look good for your date. She has a fondness for clothing, after all.”
Bobby gave him a look that said he clearly knew Lulu was not the one Tom was trying to impress with his new fashion statement, but Tom cheerfully ignored it. Tonight was going to be a wonderful night.
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dadplease · 16 days ago
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must be fate. part 2.
[disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this this blog. for more information on this blog’s commitment to protecting minors, read eun’s full statement here.]
last part
summary | after unexpectedly connecting online with chris evans, you experience an even greater miracle by running into him at your favorite local cafe. though your life has been difficult lately, chris seems to know all the right things to say to get you feeling (at least a little bit) better.
pairing | chris evans x reader
warnings | mentions of poor mental health (depression, loneliness), reader breaks down and sobs (big mood), chris being the sweetest human being ever <3 (like he holds you while you break down :’-))
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requested by anon | Can I request a part 2 to must be nice? I have depression and it helped and was really well written!
an | hi friend, of course!! (i hope you are talking about must be fate!!) i’m really sorry you also deal with depression but im so so glad that you found some comfort in my writing <3 hope this helps as well, sending much much love your way!
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“You sure this is okay?” you ask somewhat nervously from the passenger seat of Chris’s car as he drives through your quiet Massachusetts town, humming along quietly as Sammy Rae plays over the radio. After meeting up at the cafe, he ended up inviting you over for the afternoon, something completely unexpected and greatly appreciated. You still can’t believe it, though, as you sit beside him in his car, unable to wrap your mind around the fact that Chris Evans himself is really bringing you home with him.
“Course, doll. Wouldn’t have invited you if it wasn’t,” he assures you with a kind smile. Smiling back at him bashfully, you play with your hands in your lap, surprised to see as you look out the window that the route he’s taking appears awfully familiar.
After a few more blocks, he turns down a residential street. Your eyes widen at the name on the sign as you can barely make out, “W-wait. This is where you live?” Chris hums with a nod as he continues down the quiet road, coming up to a simple looking house and pulling into the driveway. “Wow, you’re a lot closer than I thought. I live just over on ________,” you tell him, naming the neighboring street that can’t be more than a few minutes of a drive away.
“________?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. “No way; you really are close. I’m surprised we haven’t run into each other sooner given the fact that we’re practically neighbors.” He shifts into park and switches off the engine as you both undo your seatbelts, exiting the car and heading up the level driveway. Stopping at the front door, Chris reaches into his pocket and pulls out a key, jamming it in the lock and twisting it to allow you both entry. “Oh boy. Incoming,” he warns playfully as a very excited Dodger greets you both as you step inside, wagging his tail happily and sniffing at your coat.
“Hi buddy, hi,” you fuss the sweet dog gently, giving him some scratches behind his ears. Chris is all over him as well, the love in his eyes as he interacts with his furry best friend melting your heart. After a few minutes of petting and tail-wagging, Dodger settles down, scampering off to go find one of his toys. “He’s so sweet,” you gush as you and Chris undo your boots and remove your coats.
“Yeah, he’s a big love,” the man agrees with a smile, taking both of your coats and hanging them up on a coatrack near the stairs. Having removed all of your winter outerwear, you take a moment to look around and absorb your surroundings. The house is somehow just as you imagined it would be: warm, cozy, inviting. A stark contrast to your cold, dim apartment. “It’s nothing extravagant,” Chris says almost sheepishly as he stands a few feet away from you, shoving his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. “But I don’t know, I guess I like it that way. It’s home.”
“No, no, no,” you say quickly, not wanting him to think you’re in any underwhelmed or disappointed, “it’s so lovely, Chris. Really. You’re right. It’s-” You’re startled as a wave of emotion hits you, struggling to swallow back tears. “It really is a home.”
“Hey, y/n,” Chris says, your sudden shift in mood causing worry to appear on his face. Reaching out a hand to you, he offers, “You wanna come sit on the couch? We can get the fireplace going.” You accept his offer gratefully, his large fingers wrapping around your own as he leads you out of the entryway and into the living room. Settling you down on the long leather couch, he grabs a blanket from the coffeetable, unfolding it and draping it over you. “You okay?” he asks as he steps over to the electric fireplace and flips a switch, toasty flames springing up instantly behind the glass and sending a gentle heat towards you. “You’re shaking a little.”
“Y-yeah,” you shiver, thankful for the warmth of the fire and the blanket. “Still cold from outside, I guess.” Nodding, Chris steps back over to the couch, pausing before he makes any further advances.
“You alright if I sit next to you? Sharing the blanket will let us conserve body heat,” he checks in carefully. Heat rises through your cheeks as you nod, your eyes dropping to your lap as Chris sits down next to you, readjusting the blanket to now cover you both. Turning to face you, he gives you a moment, sensing you’re feeling slightly wary about the whole situation.
With your eyes fixated on the dark brown fabric covering your lap, you’re flustered to find that tears have once again built up behind your timid gaze. Sniffling, you try to blink them away, only to become more frustrated as more quickly take their place. “Y/n,” Chris says your name again, his voice so low and sensitive that it feels dangerous; you truly can’t remember the last time you were in a position like this, in the presence of someone who seemingly cared so much about you and wanted so badly to make sure you were alright. “Hey… is it… would it be okay if I gave you a hug, doll? I won’t if you’re not comfortable; it just really seems like you could use one.”
His question quite nearly reduces you to sobs, but you simply nod, doing your best to hold yourself together. As soon as his strong arms wrap around you, though, you simply can’t hold back anymore; with a defeated whimper, you burst into tears against his shoulder as he holds you close to him. “Oh sweetheart,” he whispers, his voice dripping with heartache.
“Hey, y/n. I gotcha, darlin’, ‘s okay,” Chris breathes as you cry into his sweater, bringing up a careful hand and rubbing it over your back. “Just let it out, doll. Shh, shhh,” he murmurs, the pure tenderness in his voice only making you cry harder; never in your life have you been treated so gently.
Through your mess of sobs and sniffles, you attempt to form an apology, but all that comes out is a jumble of stuttering and and hiccups. "No, sweet girl, none of that,” he says with a shake of his head, his other hand coming up to smooth over your hair. “It’s okay to get it out, sweetheart. Just let it go, you’re okay.” And as he continues to hold and comfort you, you can’t find much strength to do anything but just that: completely let go of all you’ve been holding in for so long. Your cries of pain and distress become louder, more heartwrenching, but Chris just carries you right through it, pulling you over onto his lap as he soothes, “Oh, honey… Shhh… I know, bubba. I know… ‘s okay. Gonna be okay, y/n.”
After several more minutes of uncontrollable crying in the safety of Chris’s arms, you’re eventually able to calm yourself down, your sobs dissolving into quiet whimpers as you hiccup like a child in the broad man’s lap. Leaning back slightly, Chris looks down at you, bringing his hand down from your hair to cup your cheek. “There you are; hi, sweetheart,” he hums lovingly as his thumb brushes over your damp skin. “You feel a little better now?” he asks. “Seems like you’d been holding that in for quite a while.”
“Y-yeah, that was- that felt really… good,” you admit bashfully, a burning sense of embarrassment creeping up inside you as you realize what’s just happened; you quite literally fell apart right in Chris Evans’s arms, not exactly the best first impression you could’ve made. “I-I’m really sorry, Chris. I-”
“No, no ‘sorry’s,” he cuts you off, his deep blue eyes gazing into yours with genuine concern. “You needed that, y/n; it’s okay. Everybody has a breaking point. I’m just glad I could be here to help you through it.” Snuggling you up against his chest again, he leans down, planting a kiss on the top of your head. “I hope you’ll let me continue to be here through it,” he whispers, “whatever it is, no matter how bad or ugly. I promised you, remember? You’ve got me now.”
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an | oh :’-( i need to be held like this, comforted like this ! ! !
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julessworldd · 21 days ago
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Two fools
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warnings: cussing, smut at the end(sorta implied), two idoits is all I have to say about Y/n and quack quack. 
to the anon who requested this, I’m not the best at smut and I have wrote for any rockstar for a while. hope you enjoy :)
Hi there!! Can I request a Kelly Nickels x reader where the reader and him were just fuck buddies but she catches feelings and then his band mates help him realize that he caught feelings too? Maybe loving smut at the end-? Thank youuu!!
I watched the raven haired man get in his car from my apartment window, another night of wishing he could stay in my arms only.  Only if I wasn’t such a chicken I could tell Kelly how I felt and how one of the rules got broken. He would be pissed for sure and would quit our arrangement. 
Next morning, I saw everyone from L.A. Guns on my couch, expect Kelly.  “Who died?”, I freaked out.  “Nobody love”, Phil said, standing up from the couch.  “Alright then, why are you here at 10am? I got work”, I sighed, walking into the kitchen.  “We know how you feel about Kels”, Tracii sat down at the counter.  “We’re fuck buddies, nothing more”, I replied back.  There were snorts and giggles after that.  “Looking depressed when he had that red head on his lap at our last gig”, Phil said.  I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose, “You made your point, but Kelly doesn't like me the way I like him”  The boys were quiet.  “I gotta get ready for work, okay? Lock the door on your way out”, I said, walking to the bathroom.  
It was midnight, when the bell rang and there stood some familiar faces, one I wasn’t in the mood to see.  “Hi boys! Regular booth?”, I asked.  Phil nodded.  “What to drink?”, I asked.  “Jack and Coke, all”, Tracii said, with a smile on his face.  I nodded and got their drinks ready, “Nicole, can you go clean table 9 please?”, I asked the blonde.   “Talking about you to the bean pole looking one”, Nicole came back as I was walking to their table.  “Ready to order?”, I smiled. Kelly was looking out the window.  “Kelly, are you hungry or not?”Tracii kicked his calve.  “Not. Gonna go for a smoke”, Kelly looked at me as he got up.  I watched him push the door open,  “What did you tell him?”, I asked.  “Nothing yet”, Tracii looked outside.  “Whatever, I got side work to finish”, I walked away.   “Y/n, you okay?”, Nicole asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.  “Uh, oh yeah”, I smiled.  The boys’ food was ready, but Kelly wasn’t back.  “Enjoy”, I stalked off and headed towards the back door with a cigarette.  
I saw a tall figure as I put the box at the door,  “Hey”, It was Kelly. 
“Hey. Got a light?”, I smiled, as Kelly lit my cigarette.  “You seem off tonight”, I said, letting the smoke out of my lips.  Kelly lit a cigarette,  “A little bit. Here for my drink, I’ll see you later”, Kelly handed me the money and tip.  “Okay. Be careful, Kells”, I smiled.  “Will do, doll! You do the same”, Kelly kissed the crown of my head.  “Course”, I said, shutting the door.  The boys were still there, Nicole dropped a plate off as I walked out.  Phil and I made eye contact.  “Here is your check, no rush, but we close in 30”, I dropped the check off.  Finally, I left the diner for the next two days. 
There was a knock on the door, “Coming”, I said as I clipped an earring in.  “Oh hey”, I smiled as Kelly stood in my doorway.  “Can we talk? You know before your date”, Kelly asked.  “Party actually, but yeah come in”, I smirked.  “Sit”, Kelly laid his hand on my back, rubbing it up and down.  “Kelly?”, I asked him.  “Let me talk, doll”, Kelly said, bending down to my level, hands on my knees.  “Remember how we agreed that we wouldn’t catch feelings for each? This was no strings attached type of deal?”  I nodded, feeling my throat tighten with nerves.  “Recently,  I was brought to see that this started to become a little more attached. At first, I was in denial because you would never fall for a man like me. I’m just a musician that finally caught a break, you need someone who can make you happy and keep you well financed. Someone needs to get you out of that slum at work, you’re too pretty to be a waitress forever.  Y/n, I love you and understand if you don’t feel the same and end our little arrangement. Just needed to get that off my chest”, Kelly sighed, running a hand through his hair.   Holy shit! He loves me! Y/n, say something back. 
I grabbed Kelly’s chin, looking in his brown orbs, “Fuck it”, I kissed him.  Kelly kissed me back, it became more heated and passion filled.  I threw my legs around his back, holding his hair in my hands.  “I love you, Kelly so much”, I held his face, tears coming down my face.  Kelly smiled, kissing the side of my mouth, “I’ll let you go to your party”  “Kelly?”, I asked him, biting my lip.  “Yeah?”, He furrowed his brows.  “I would rather be here, have you tear my dress off and fuck my brains out instead of going to some shitty party. Think you could do that for me?”, I smirked.  “Don’t want to fuck you tonight, princess. Wanna kiss every inch of you and savor it”, Kelly grabbed my hips.  “Then do it, Kels”, I kissed him.  Kelly reached in my dress, sliding my panties off.  I finished taking the rest of it off and unclasping my bra, Kelly was kissing my thigh.  “Mhm Kelly please”, I whined.  “Shh, I gotcha bunny. Don’t worry”, Kelly dipped his head into my heat, lapping at me like a kitten.  “Fuck”, I grabbed his hair, keeping him place as I felt his tongue down my slit.  
Kelly rolled off of me, I laid on my head on his chest.  “Is it too early to ask you out?”, Kelly asked.  I giggled, “Little late, but I’ll go out with you” “That would make the happiest man alive, Bunny”, Kelly grinned.  “Can you stay the night, please?”, I asked.  Kelly nodded, pulling me closer to his side, kissing my forehead.  Finally!, I thought as sleep came closer to my mind.  
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miseryholland · 28 days ago
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i crash, you crash | t.h.
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summary; if you can’t love your own baby, who will ? in a cognitive bender, tom has had enough and can’t see how much pain you’re truly in.
warnings; post partum depression, language, angst (extremely angsty), suggestions of suicide, possible development of an eating disorder, self doubt.
a/n; wasn’t a fic request, but i wanted to try something of my own. i’m currently still writing some, and will be getting to them soon and posting as quick as possible. may do a part two depending on how well this does, feedback is appreciated 💌
masterlist & taglist
⚘ ˏ`୭̥*ೃ *ૢ✧ ⚘ ˏ`୭̥*ೃ *ૢ✧
∘₊✧─── TOM smoothed a handful of bubbles over the newborns drenched, tight curls. She’d coo up at him reverently, delighted that her daddy took such good care of her. Delilah, reached her sud-full, doll-like arms up for Tom. He’d squeeze at her cheeks and cover his eyes, as if to play peek-a-boo with his little girl.
Where was Delilah’s mother ?
And why wasn’t she indulging in these pretentious moments of her daughters childhood that only happen once ?
Staring at yourself in the shared en suite bathroom, bits of excess skin hanging a bit past her large sweatpants, bright red stretch marks on either side of her hips, all around flabby and fat, you thought. Your thighs appeared bigger— weight gain. Only adding to the destruction, that is your relationship with Tom. First, the baby unable to give you any form of joy. Any attempt after bringing her home was a fail, she wouldn’t even smile at you. But, seemed to be cheerful for the other people shes encountered. Second, you felt and looked shitty. Your appearance wasn’t what Tom wanted you to look like, you knew it. What, with the side eyes and glares, not even holding you anymore like he did during all of your trimesters and prior when it was just you and him. How could I please him looking the way I do ? How could I please Delilah being an unfit mother ?
You’d only bathed the baby once, after you gave up from her ear churning screams. Tom didn’t mind helping in the beginning, but now it just seems like he’s playing the role of mom and dads combined. You did your part with what you could handle. Feeling like a fucking sorry excuse for someone that carries a child nine months straight yet couldn’t even comfort the child why she was here. Couldn’t even put a onesie on without her kicking and yelling for you to get it off of her. Really, the only time you have with her is when she feeds. She wouldn’t take a bottle from Tom, only you. Because she still thought that she was going to get some form of breast milk, but after having to transition that came to an end. Due to your skin reddening over, and Delilah wouldn’t accept the pardon anymore. Why would she from a failure like me ?
You hadn’t noticed that your shirt was still up, from you observing your figure. Full blown disgust. Not only from you, but from a disappointed Tom standing in the door way. To be fair, you didn’t even try this time. You didn’t even try for Delilah. You pause, pulling the enormous shirt down, drowning out your flesh. Delilah was against his hip, burying her face in the space between Tom’s upper arm and rib cage. “I waited for you. We waited for you,” He shook his head in disbelief.
Delilahs eyes grew big, at your presence. She wanted to feel her momma, she wanted to get to know you like she had Tom. You were disconnected from both of them, and Tom barging in here was intrusive. How hasn’t he grasped the you’re not acting normally ? How has he not grasped that you need help ? That you want to want both of them ? All Tom thinks is that you’ve let go of him and Delilah, yet he sticks around, for now, because he wants his family together. He didn’t plan on being a single dad.
“Sorry .. sorry, just got so tired I couldn’t do it,” You saunter, breezing your way past Tom to dismiss any facial expression that would cross his features. Rolling back the sheets, Tom follows rubbing at Delilah’s back to hopefully soothe her to sleep, lay her in the crib, and listen to her blissful snores in the baby monitor. She jumped in Tom’s hold at the sound of your voice, Tom slammed his head back on the headboard, utterly frustrated. You were giving him every load. You wanted to participate, so desperately but you couldn’t, and even with him inches away he felt like he was miles far. Physically and emotionally tired, tired of fucking up. Tired of your appearance. Tired of being a pain in the ass of a wife. Tired of your baby not living you.
“From what? You don’t do anything,” He spat, voice booming through the quiet room. You flip over on your side, back facing Tom and Delilah. Staring at a white wall felt more eventful than anything you’ve done this week. If only Tom knew, why tell him though if he’s already stressed out enough between Delilah, you, and work. You’d only interfere and bother him more, besides you wouldn’t want to break the bond between Delilah and Tom. You couldn’t feel anything, you were numb inside and out. Any form of feelings were invaded by the emotionless pit that is you. You didn’t feel any exhilaration from your own child’s laugh, like a mother should.
“M’trying alright,” you try and settle but fail, only boiling Tom’s blood more. Anything he said for the past three week has went into one ear and out the other. Tom wasn’t trying to explode on you, he knows that maybe you’re still recovering from the birth. You’re acting like you don’t care, when it’s not that you don’t, it’s that you crave feelings that simply aren’t there anymore. He’s bit his tongue long enough.
“Not hard enough. Everythin’s gone undone, I can’t do it all. You said we’d do this together. The house is a mess, haven’t touched me or her since the week after we got home with her. You come around when she cries for a bottle, but she needs her mum!” Tom rambles. Indignantly trying to get his point across, Delilah whales loudly at the raising of Tom’s voice. You weren’t expecting the pressure and it causes your body to jolt. Tom glances over to search for any kind of emotion, only a blank face and a head of unbrushed hair stuck to a satin pillow. “Shh lovie, ‘ve got you.”
“Anything else you’d like to complain about ?” You question. You knew nothing you could say or do would please Tom. He’s fed up, and needs you to hear him, listen and engrave the words on your brain.
Tom adjusts his position, swallowing the lump in his throat. “Took months off from filming, the entire movie was put on hold because I wanted to be home and help take care of Delilah. Do my part, but M’doing it all. Fuck,” His breathes through a crack of his voice. “You haven’t even showered for Christ’s sakes, Y/n. I shouldn’t have to tell you how to be a mum.” His words echoed not only throughout the room, but replaying in your mind. No one should have to tell you how to be a parent, it’s something you adapt to. You simply just can’t adapt, your mind won’t allow you to. He didn’t have to carry a baby from nine months, give birth, and then completely lose yourself.
“I get it, okay,” you close the conversation. Though everything still went unresolved, Tom clicks his Tom at the banter. Yanking away the sheets, the leftover cloth landing on top of your face. He was carrying Delilah to her crib, able to rock her to sleep. You didn’t know it but, an unwanted tear drop streaks down your hot cheeks.
x
Breakfast was your attempt at showing Tom you were sorry without saying it. You couldn’t feel sympathy but you knew after what happened last night, the you before giving birth wouldn’t apologized endlessy until he forgave you. You didn’t want to stand over a hot stove and watch eggs cook, you didn’t want to flip any damn pancakes, and you didn’t want to be here. Thinking your daughter probably only wants Tom anyways, they’ve established something that she doesn’t want with you. She doesn’t want you, or so you thought.
It wasn’t fair, that you couldn’t coddle her. She didn’t want to give to snuggles, she either squirmed or reached her hands out for Tom. You’d noticed the transition, your total overwhelming notions the day you say in the hospital bed and she’s been delivered. You looked at her, one glance is what it took, and you couldn’t feel her anymore. You couldn’t have that some motherly sensation you had when she would kick, and move even when you so much as ate something. She doesn’t want me.
Snapping from your daze, you slam the refrigerator shut at the sound of Tom’s footsteps wearing down the wooden stairs, along with Delilah’s babbling whilst he spins her around and around. Landing her easily in her eating chair. This is the part where you should be grinning from ear to ear, but your skin runs ice cold. Tom closed her in cheerfully, pressing a kiss to your cheek, the first women he’s had the courage of loving. He did it because he still ached for your touch, he’s sure as much as Delilah did. He often looked past anything he said in fights, only building the up for future reference. When his lips pressed to your cheek bone, you didn’t feel any excitement, no butterflies. Just a pair of lips.
At the flip of the last batter ridden breakfast food, Delilah begins to whimper. You want to put your entire left hand onto the open, flaming burner because you know that her cries are going to turn in to loud sobs. And you know that she’s doing it because she wants her bottle, that’s the only time she wants you around her, that’s the way you sense it. A mother would usually shush the small child and tell them that everything would be alright, not you, you’re not annoyed that she’s crying. You’re annoyed due to the fact that you can’t handle her not needing you anymore more. The screams are enough to make ears bleed. Post partum, deepest depression after giving childbirth, no form of ‘baby blues’. Why not just let her cry out for Tom? She isn’t crying out for you, she doesn’t want a mom like you.
Delilah’s yelps for someone to comfort her, faded away into the back of your head, once you’d muffled it out with your own thoughts. Placing an array of fruits on Tom’s plate, only his. Delilah’s eating chair made her feel like she belonged, and could eat with her family— well Tom. You weren’t eating anything, and didn’t plan on it either. The marble backsplash of the kitchen enters your gaze, staring at it when you hear the barring charm of Tom’s english accent.
Tom Holland has a pair of lungs on him.
“Fuckin hell, Y/n!” He shouts. “Can’t even use the bathroom for five minutes. Is it that hard to tend to her ?!” He’s fuming, and Delilah’s doing the type of cry that has her gasping for air, her throat raw from the fluctuated contrast. To tell the truth, you hadn’t notice that Tom even left the room. You hadn’t noticed anything. Days were moving slower, and although you were restless you still wanted to sleep so that you didn’t have to feel numb for only a little while. You know Tom has every right to be upset, you just wished he’d be more considerate and give you more time or space. Wait for you.
“Didn’t know,” you mumble a lie. Gliding Tom’s plate over to him past the kitchen island, you use to make him tell you how good your cooking was beforehand. Tom quickly picked Delilah up from her feeding chair, grabbing a premade bottle, that he also had to do. There’s been enough instances, Tom shouldn’t have to keep going at it with you, just for a response a reaction at least. He rolls the palm of his hand against her back, her little hands grasping onto Tom’s dress shirt for dear life as if he was going to leave her. His lips part at your idiotic comment, how can you not hear a baby hollering for dear life.
“Can’t make this shit up. You felt like you were on top of the world when we first found out about her nine months ago. Now you’re acting like she doesn’t exist,” Tom adds to his comments from last night. To be fair, you don’t think Tom would know what post partum depression was if it gave him a right hook to the face. You thought maybe you were just jealous of her ability to be lovable with other people at first, not wanting to give yourself a self-diagnosis. But then, the alternate mood swings, bellowing amounts of stress and anxiousness, not wanting to eat—starve yourself, incapability to discern something. Perhaps, what you needed was an official check up. Maybe he’d take it easy on me then, if he knew how much i was suffering. “M’love tell me what’s going on with you, I need to know.” His initial guard is broken when he notices that you’ve dropped the dirty spatula on that floor. Shoving the bottle in your face, along with Delilah because she’ll only eat from you. You ignored Tom, placed her back in her feeding chair. He paced over to you, with utter awe on his face at your disrespectfulness.
Delilah’s small lips took a sip or two before to squeaked out more cries. She usually takes the whole bottle from you, sometimes even reaches her stubby arms out for more. Only you. That was all you had left to share with her, she doesn’t even want that with you anymore.
Any chance of a bond is severed, she wouldn’t want a terrible knock off mom. She wanted the real deal. Lies you kept feeding yourself.
“Ugh,” you groan, slamming the bottle down onto the small plastic table that’s attached to her chair. Just leave, make her happy. You were drained and Tom’s eyes continued to fill with concern like they had over the course of these three weeks. Despite being numb, this was your first child. And you’d hoped that you’d move past this unresponsive stage so that the mother daughter relationship would be there. You expected her to wait for you until you got better, now feeling hopeless, it’s resolved.
“Be patient with her, you’d know that if you tried being a mom.”
“I’ll try harder,” you bit your tongue. You would, though there was no emotion, you knew if you did have some you’d want better for yourself and your little family.
taglist— @bi-lmg @apoeticwish @katexrichardson @spookybooisa @grouploved
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2lim3rz · a month ago
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No warnings this time! Just pure little T’au and Kroot fluff uwu
Dachan’hult’s eyes were half closed as he basked in the sun. He was not on guard duty yet for his was in the evening when his eyes worked best. His Shaper had lead him and his small clan in many battles, and they had eaten many creatures that could see in the night as they could the day.
But some things were not easily removable, such as the glory of this planet’s sun, a wondrous gift from Vawk’s battle with Gmork. It was warm and comforting, as if he was swaddled in a blanket. On his head, his quills and vestigial fins were raised as if he was determined to take all of the sun’s early morning rays.
“What are you doing, mister?” the smallest voice he ever heard asked him, begrudgingly, he blinked open his eyes, white with just the slightest hint of orange, to look at the small little T’au that stood below in the shadow of the rock he lounged upon. He never kept proper track of which type was which as adults, but it was obvious which type the children were.. Sort of, at least the Air Caste was as clear as day.
And yet the small T’au youngling stood upon two stout little legs that were even stouter than the Fire Caste him and his brethren so often worked with. Legs that would one day grow to be strong with muscle and help the youngling further their Greater Good. It dawned upon him as he slowly tilted his head that the little one was one of the Earth ones. “Warming in the sun.” his voice was a depressed croak compared to the chirpy curiosity the youngling had.
“Warming in the sun?” deep, near black eyes looked at him in confusion “Mama says that laziness is bad.” And yet here you are, asking a Kroot questions while holding a toy. He didn’t say this to the little one as his quills and fins lowered slightly, his eyes crinkling in a smile as he opened his beak in a silent chuckle. “Your carer’s right. But you need the sun.” as if to emphasize, he closed his eyes and raised his head towards it, taking a deep breath “It gives you energy.” looking back down to the T’au youngling, he angled his head so that he would get less of a headache from facing the sun like he did.
“I thought food gives you energy?” to those confused words, Dachan’hult nodded imperiously “It does. But so does other things. You never feel tired playing, and yet you do when you stop. There is energy everywhere, and we just take it for a little bit.” Shuffling their hooves in the dirt, the T’au’s face scrunched up as she digested the words. Slowly, she nodded and looked up at him. “Does your beak feel like wood? It looks like tree bark. Can I touch it?”
Touch.. his beak? Dachan’hult gave a true, barking laugh. His quills raised to their fullest as he tossed back his head. Just as quickly as it came, it dwindled to a chortle as leaned down much closer to the little one’s height, crinkling his eyes again. He thought he would be fighting the massive predator beasts of this newly colonizing planet. Or doing anything else than talking to a youngling and indulging curiosity.
With wide eyes, she adjusted her hold on the small handmade toy of some sort of doll in coveralls as she patted his beak. “Whoa! It’s sharp!” she squeaked as she poked one of the little barbs that adorned it, a welcomed side effect from the nocturnal little beasties they had consumed long ago. Clacking his beak carefully, he sat back up. “So I can eat.” just as he said those words, another two younglings approached hesitantly. Upon that moment, he realized he may have put himself into a predicament in answering one’s question as one turned to three and three turned to six.
How were there already so many young about? Dachan’hult already knew the answer as it only made sense to bring families on a colonizing planet to make it more populated. In fact, he was regaling the children in a little adventure he had went upon when he was their age. An innocent little tale that, of course, was stretched a little extreme. For there was no vast river he had crossed, but a simple creek that he slipped and twisted his ankle on. Of course, that twisted ankle hurt quite a lot, there was no exaggerating it.
“Are you an auntie now, Dachan? Thought you were sleeping!” a light whistling voice spoke behind him. Turning his head a little, as he couldn’t quite move with two younglings perching on his lap, he have a hiccuping click. “I was sun dozing when this little dirt shaker woke me from my nap.” the said youngling that started the whole thing raised her voice in a squeaking protest before erupting into giggles as Dachan’hult ruffled her hair.
Snickering, Hauk-Mok started shooing the little T’au away and Dachan’hult begrudgingly helped. He laughed warmly as the two siblings that approached second waved brightly and scampered away in a giddy squeal. Distantly, he could hear a parent or two calling for their charges. His laughed dwindled, his smiling face turning more somber as he watched them. “It’s noon, you’ve missed half a day’s sleep.” and he shrugged only in return. “I think after this I will go home if Grrennik lets me, Hauk-Mok.”
The kroot that stood beside him gave a startled look, quills rising. “Home, what for?” and he had to laugh at the other’s tone. Hauk-Mok sounded so shocked at his claim. “I’ve been reminded why I love to fight. I fight for family. So that our future can live in more peace than they did before, perhaps.. it’s finally time I go home and have one of my own if I’m lucky, if not I’ll just be the clan uncle and tell you and Arkesh not to drink strange flowers even after Grrennik said not to.”
Hauk-Mok still appeared surprised. He suppose it was since he always threw himself headfirst into any job. Steadily, his brother Kroot rolled his head and flexed his quills, whistling and clicking as he did. “You’d be no uncle, you’d be a damn grandfather. And besides! That was one time!” Hauk-Mok joked, shoving Dachan’Hult’s shoulder.
“Now go! Go and get a proper rest before your shift.” he continued speaking after. Hissing playfully, Dachan’hult stood and stretched his limbs from sitting still for so long. “You just want to sunbathe, you thieving snatcher!” Dachan’hult barked as Hauk-Mok sat down, looking smug as if he owned the warm rock. “You sure bet I did!”
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geniedetails · a month ago
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Another Man’s Treasure
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> Dark! Mob Boss! Chris Evans x Black! Female! Rival! Assistant (all is able to read!)
> For Jasmeen’s 4K Mob Boss Writing Challenge 🎲 / also based off of ‘Jessie’s Girl’ by Rick Springfield. // @cloudystevie 💫
> warnings: 18+ content, dubcon, revenge kidnapping, foul language, explicit unprotected rough sex, light bondage, breeding kink, oral sex (m + f receiving), and after care.
> This is set in the time of Prohibition without the obvious social climate— it’s easy over here so don’t worry! Everybody can get into the party 🥰
> author’s note: another challenge, I love it. This has to be the filthiest thing I’ve written, have fun with it like I did ;) Happy 4k to my girl, I love you, Jas, this one’s for you 🖤 this is 18+ material and minors, DNI. As always, heed the warnings and enjoy the ride....
> dividers by @firefly-graphics ✨
masterlist + my ko-fi!
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Chris was ruthless in his own ways. He didn’t need anyone to back him up, he hardly needed to kill, but when he did, it was always known about.
As a speakeasy owner, Chris was the boss. He ran ‘The Lucky Sleazy’. A family business that was handed down to him by his Italian working grandfather before he retired.
What folks thought was your average barber shop in the daytime was actually one crunk and jiving yet illegal function at night.
Take one built in elevator that his grandfather concocted down to one spacious basement, Chris knew what he had to do.
Plus he didn’t like the law, he thought it was stupid for alcohol to be banned so why not turn that basement into a spot for everybody? Half to spite the government and half to bring in the profit.
Being a mob boss had it’s pros and cons. Bring in your most trusted buddies and make some rules that benefited you all and you have yourself a crew. His own respected the hell out of him, they were more than happy to crown him boss- plus Chris always made sure they were secured.
The cons? The U.S was in a depression and everybody was trying to make a living. That brought on rival mobs, scamming, and enemies. All trying to get a piece of the pie— especially the pie Chris was making more of.
All those Chris could handle except the enemies. He ran most of the piers and harbors in Massachusetts, especially Boston. But word of his popularity through the speakeasy traveled fast.
The Bad Boys of New Jersey, just a few states down, they hated Chris, and he hated them right back. The head of that dragon was Kye ‘Smiley’ Russo— who was the most notorious asshole that wore a Cheshire smile all the time.
Chris wanted to slap it off his face every time he saw him.
But after years of feuding, he realized what could get under Kye’s skin— it was his assistant, his right hand person, who just so happened to be his woman.
You.
Your beauty always took Chris’ breath away. Your skin always seemed to shine, your gorgeous brown eyes always had some glint to them, and you carried yourself in a way that made the man weak in the knees.
Chris was cordial every time he saw you on Kye’s arm but he couldn’t help the comments and sometimes he did it on purpose. He didn’t care about Kye, he also couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.
“Aw, look at you, doll, lookin’ absolutely swell.. as cute as a bug’s ear, tell me, why’re you still with this chump, huh?” Chris “joked” , you rolled your eyes but turned your head away from Kye who was right there, Chris could see your little smirk though.
He wouldn’t let up sometimes but he couldn’t help himself.
“Come on, darlin’, just one dance, your guy’s nowhere in sight..”
“Chris, please-“
“I’m already dizzy off ya, sweetheart, just fulfill this dream for me and I’ll leave ya alone, I swear it”
And you gave it to him, you couldn’t understand Chris’ crush on you.
But he could. You were a dream. He wished for someone like you. Sure, he’d love someone around here that could help him out, help him count the money, settle negotiations, and manage the speakeasy.
Plus, how good would it be to give constant love and constant dick to the woman who was working with him?
A part of you brushed him off because of your relationship with Kye and the other part sort of relished in it, that was more attention you’ve gotten that Kye should’ve gave you.
Because truth be told, you’d been growing tired of being acquainted with Kye for so long. It was like the charm he possessed when you first met was strictly reserved for securing deals for different ports in New Jersey.
He hardly touched you, he spent more time out than inside with you, hell, asking for something as simple as a kiss felt like pulling teeth. But your loyalty to him in the mob life always had you speaking to defend him to guys like Chris.
Guys like Chris who made you feel like a woman, who made you feel sexy, who made you feel wanted. Guys like Chris that could lull you with compliments that had you rolling your eyes in public just to giggle at it later.
Because in your reality, you thought about Chris sometimes. You wondered what he was like as a lover and if he had a lady— surely he didn’t with the way he was all over you.
You wondered just how far he’d go and how long he’d keep it up. What if you entertained him and he just left you alone? Like this was a game. That would make you upset, you couldn’t lie.
You hated how good looking he was, how nice his clothes seemed to fit him, and that damned Boston accent. He was an impressive guy in the business and as much as Kye expressed his hatred for him, you silently disagreed.
But the question still laid still and painful, just how far would Chris go to have you? What if it was all him? What if someone forced his hand? Only time would tell...
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As of today, time wasn’t on Chris’ side. His hand had garnered sweaty with the way he’d been holding it so tight and for so long.
He’d been on the other line all day trying to secure more ports to launder money and warehouses of weapons.
And it wasn’t going well. He was getting word that with that deal, someone was trying to steal his own property.
“No but you don’t understand... okay but... well if you would just listen to me, goddamnit! This is my city, my fucking city, why isn’t this deal going through?”
His pals watched and heard from outside of the door, knowing that if phone calls ever got this heated then Chris needed to be left alone.
“Okay so they want more money for it? No fucking big deal, we can talk this through, but what is this I’m hearing that some warehouses of mine that I bought and worked through- mind you, one of my most successful houses- is trying to be taken from me?”
The same frustrated expression stayed on his face, he was sure to have a headache once he unclenched— if he could.
“Someone from New Jersey?” It was then when he heard the name of that one fucker that his heart sank, his hearing tuned out, and red painted his mind.
Kye ‘Smiley’ Russo, was trying to infiltrate one of Chris’ best business bases. And to the man, that was a serious low blow.
After settling it with the original planner and routing him to the negotiation branch of his crew, Chris angrily spun in Kye’s direct number on the rotary dial telephone.
It rang for about 30 seconds before a voice called through, “You’ve got Kye ‘Smiley’ Russo, what can I do for ya?”
Chris chuckled, only because of how pissed off he was, he couldn’t believe the smugness of this idiot, “you know what you can do for me? You can search somewhere else on the East Coast for more warehouses. Fuck is your problem with me, huh, Smiley? You’re picking on me, for what?”
Kye had the dirtiest smirk known to man on the other side of the line, he felt nothing for Chris’ anger with him. “No problem here, business is business, Evans. You gotta get with the program man, it’s nothing personal”
Except it was, Chris knew it. Kye didn’t want to admit it but he recognized Chris as his biggest competition as far as the mob life. Chris had amazing staffing and connections to smuggling and importing, he wanted that attention too.
“What’re you tryna do, huh? Tryna run me outta my business? You picked that one particular house knowing that’s where the money is and takin’ that away means you’re takin’ food from my folks and I don’t play about them, you know that”
To say Chris was fuming was an understatement. In this very moment, he hated Kye. Sure the rivalry was funny in itself because they both didn’t like one another but Chris would never take it to a level like this.
Business was business, nothing he was new to, but playing dirty and low balling was something he’d never do.
He listened to Kye rant on some more about why he did it, he didn’t hide his jealously either. Chris was too in shock to really have any rebuttals like he’d normally would. He was too struck with the thought of this deal going through and his family not being supported anymore.
“Well I’ll tell ya, business isn’t going to run itself, when everything is all processed and that warehouse is mine, I’ll come let ya know, deal? An eye for an eye, if you will, take care of yourself, Evans”
The line went dead on Kye’s end and Chris slammed the phone down, running his hands down his face in annoyance and stress.
Revenge was all he could think about, this was too far and Chris wouldn’t just sweep it under the fucking rug. His mind ran and somehow your face settled in his mind.
Oh how he’d love to have you here as his woman to calm him down. It was moments like this that he wished a partner for, to help him decompress and relax.
But the more he thought about you, the more the feeling of revenge started to connect, and the more it started tasting good.
An eye for an eye, right?
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You sat at your own desk, in the same room as your boyfriend. You heard everything and hated every moment of it. You felt bad for Chris and irritated at Kye.
You rolled your eyes as soon as he hung up, that stupid smirk never leaving him. He caught that and the sigh you left out, trying to focus on what your green highlighted was outlining.
“The hell is your issue?” He called out to you as he went to light a heavy cigar.
“Nothing, Kye-“
“You listenin’ to my conversations? I put you to work with looking over my next meetings, you should be focusin’ on that rather than trying to eavesdrop, you know I don’t like that shit” a puff of gray soon surrounding you and the room, you quickly waved it away from your face.
“It’s hard to ignore you being an asshole, I’ll tell you that, you didn’t have to hit below the belt with Evans that way, he’s a good guy”
Kye howled out a laugh, “oh good guy my ass, you know damn well that if he had the opportunity, he’d do the same thing” you rolled your eyes.
“And let me ask you this, where’s this shit comin’ from? Why’re you defending that scumbag anyways? You’re at my throat about him like you’re sleeping with him or somethin’” he took another hit and puffed it out, destroying the growing ash with the tray sitting next to him.
“Yeah whatever, Kye-“
“No answer me, this guy’s my worst enemy and you’re havin’ his back, what’s that all about?”
You couldn’t help but to think about the many times you’ve encountered Chris, especially when Kye was nowhere in sight. His gentle hands on you, his sweet words, his flirts. It made your heart race in ways you’d never imagined.
But you couldn’t help but to think that maybe Kye had a point, to what you didn’t want to admit. You didn’t know much about Chris aside from his moments with you. He was always so sweet to you but what if he wasn’t like that to others?
What if he’s just as grimy as Kye when it came to business? Would he have done such a deed, pulling the rug from under his feet so his family couldn’t eat?
You didn’t really know Chris so how could you try and defend him?
You sighed, “Kye, it’s nothing, I just- I know that’s your competition but just ease up a little bit..”
You felt semi relieved when Kye put on a sickening smile, the smoking cigar in his hand as he stood up, he trotted over to you and placed a big kiss to your cheek.
“I can never do that baby, you either kill or be killed”
And with that, he exited the entire establishment.
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Nightfall was in full effect by the time you’d packed up shop. You and Kye’s home was pretty big, his office was built in the basement and that’s where he handled all work.
You’d locked up the house and proceeded to your shared room, you yearned for a shower and some relaxation. Since your moment with your boyfriend, he hadn’t come back home, not that you were worried or anything, truthfully, you didn’t care.
After setting out your clothes, you ran the warm water and helped yourself inside. The water cascaded down your naked body and you took time to unwind. To unclench your jaw, to drop your shoulders, to breathe.
You’d done that for 5 minutes before deciding to wash up. Your wonderfully scented body wash glided and scratched your body on your loofah. With your eyes closed, you mentally transported yourself to another place, it felt good.
Unbeknownst to you, your locked spaces didn’t need much done to it to be unlocked and available.
A man was on a mission and he thought nothing of anything as he successfully helped himself into your home and disabled both the security system and cameras.
He could careless about the home decor but opted to quickly find where you were, the shower noise was a dead give away, he just needed to follow the sound. Up a staircase, down a long hallway, and finally on a large door, where he also made out humming.
‘An eye for an eye, right?’
‘You take from me, I take from you’
You cut the water off and grabbed for your satin robe to encase your body with it, drying you off already. You felt way better and tired, ready to feel your bed.
That was until you were snatched up, a hand over your mouth and an arm around your body, keeping you pressed tightly to a hard wall of a body behind you. You flailed and wiggled but it was futile.
You were soon met with the crisp summer air and in the back of a truck, everything was dark. You couldn’t see anywhere inside the truck nor who was driving it. You were scared shitless and could hardly think of what to do to protect yourself.
Who could this be? You yanked on the doors but they were pathetically locked. Tears streamed down your face as you tried to figure out an escape plan.
“There’s no need to cry, doll face, I promise” you tried to connect a face to the voice, it’s familiarity made you shudder.
“I could never think to ever hurt you but you are the debt of someone that’s crossed me horribly” no... it couldn’t be.
But before you could say anything, the truck halted and you were yanked out. Your guy wore a black mask, that was all you could make out of him as he hauled you into a huge house.
You’d made it to a large bedroom and thrown on the bed. You laid frozen, not knowing what to do, and not exactly being able to do anything, your guy locked the doors and windows as soon as he dropped you down.
“I-I.. I don’t know what’s going on or who owes you but please don’t kill me, I swear, I will do whatever you want and need to make up for whoever owes you, I just don’t want to die, please” more tears slid down your face as you begged.
Begged to the guy who stood at the foot of the bed dressed in slacks, suspenders, and a regular white shirt, and his mask. His build looked nothing like Kye’s.
“Now why would I do such a thing? Huh, sweetheart?” You watched your guy remove the black mask and you felt your body go numb. This couldn’t be real.
“C-Chris?” He smirked darkly, “what the fuck is going on? Why did you take me?!” He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.
After a minute, he spoke, “what’s it like being with someone like Smiley? Someone so low down and dirty as him” angrily, Chris removed his suspenders off of his shoulders and down his body.
“What are you talking about?”
Next it was his shoes, “what’s it like being with somebody that would have no problem making sure my folks starve and stay in the slums of Boston, hm?”
Chris watched your heaving, semi exposed chest through your robe, he remembered you were naked and the thoughts tore him apart. He was here for a reason and he needed to fulfill that, no matter what.
“Chris, what-“
“You have any idea what your boyfriend’s been up to?” You shook your head, you could only hear so much on the telephone between him and Kye, and then it hit you, that’s why you were here, it had to be because of Kye.
“Well, sweetheart, your boyfriend’s been busy trying to throw me out of my work. He stole from me” he snatched off his tie and tossed it on the bed next to you, his shirt flew on the other side of the room, but his pants stayed on.
You were too caught up in observing his chiseled body, staring at how someone could be made so heavenly, you hardly reacted to the way he grabbed you up, pressing your body onto his bare chest.
You were now staring into his cobalt blues, they weren’t welcoming nor wholesome like before.
“So since he took from me”
With his eyes still piercing yours, Chris single handily worked his belt open.
“I’m taking you from him, now on your knees, sweetheart” his hand landed on your shoulder and subtly pushed down, you flowed with surprising ease. You were kneeled in front of a mob boss and his growing erection.
It was like you were seeing through cloudy vision. You evaluated your options, you could either go through with this and finally get laid or defend your boyfriend.
The same boyfriend that hasn’t touched you in seven months, the same boyfriend that prioritizes his work over his relationship. What good could you do with that?
And Chris was hot, it was clear he wanted you. Fuck it. You needed no extra instructions as your hands went to work shoving his pants down, your eyes still trained on his. You ran your hands up his thighs until you were palming his clothes dick, making the tall man groan loudly.
He could only dream to have you this way, he’s done it plenty of times. “You can do better than touching me, baby, put me in your mouth, c’mon, we’re just getting started”
He wanted to explode when he was suddenly freed from his briefs, the air hitting his tip but nothing compared to your nervous lips wrapping around him for the first time. The way you were sucking him down inch by inch until he hit the back of your throat.
Gagging, choking, slobbering, Chris loved every moment of it, he couldn’t stop the noises he was making at all. His deep and guttural grunts had your core warming and unconsciously clenching around nothing. This was so hot and any thought of your boyfriend was nonexistent.
Chris was grabbing fistfuls of your tresses and tugging, especially when you began using your hands to jerk the parts of him your mouth couldn’t take. His hips softly stuttered the more you continued, “that’s it, baby, that’s fucking it, you better not stop, you’re not letting up until I’m cumming down that pretty little throat of yours”
And you listened. You came up from air occasionally, your hand jerking him well before going back in, and within a minute, you’d hit gold.
Chris held you in place and gripped your hair for dear life, his moans ungodly loud as his warm load splashing faithfully down your throat and you accepted every drop of it. “Fuck! Come here, baby, on the bed, come on”
Your back was met with the plush bed, you could hardly focus on anything, the thought still plaguing you, you’d just made your boyfriend’s nemesis cum. Chris’ frantic movements to get your robe off of your body brought you back to reality.
He hovered over your body and enticed you with the first real kiss of the night. It was sexy, steamy, and down right dirty. Chris gripped your chin as he danced his tongue down your throat, you whimpered and clung to his strong body, legs splayed open to welcome him.
Soon he was moving down, face right in front of your pussy. “Oh doll, look at you” his fingers spread you open and kissed your clit, making you hiss in arousal, “such a pretty little pussy.. wanna know what she tastes like”
And just like that, Chris dove in, not wasting anymore time. He was overwhelmed with how good you tasted that he didn’t hesitate to moan into you as his tongue tore you apart. He explored every crevice of your cunt till you were crying out of your first release.
You watched with a blurred vision as Chris got completely naked, he kneeled on the bed and easily handled your body on your stomach, gently taking the air from you. He snatched your robe completely off and tossed it somewhere in the room.
“This perfect ass” he muttered before placing a hard smack to it. He morphed you on your knees in front of him but pushed your neck down, your face in the duvet and that perfect ass all in the air for him.
Chris gave himself a few strokes before positioning himself at your sopping entrance and pushing forward, he gripped the flesh of your ass to contain himself, you felt so fucking good and had his body had its own mind, he could’ve came too quickly.
“You have no idea how much I’ve thought about being inside of you, fuck, sweetheart” then his thoughts ran primal, he grabbed the tie laying next to his leg and held it in between his teeth.
Chris grabbed both of your arms and tucked them behind your back, and like easy work, he fastened the tie around your wrists, not too tight but enough to where you couldn’t escape.
He leaned back to examine you, instantly he groaned. Your beautiful body was molded and formed just how he wanted and here he was about to take you for the ride of your life. He heard your strangled cries, the side of your face pressed into the bed, he couldn’t wait anymore.
Holding onto your hips, Chris began thrusting like a wild man. Feral, unforgiving, and savage were his thrusts into your heat, both of your noises spilling out with ease. His cock plunged in and out of you like no tomorrow.
“God fucking damnit, baby-“
“Oh my god, Chris!”
“That’s right, scream my fuckin’ name-“ he laid a harsh smack to your ass making you moan loudly, “c’mon, more, give me more, let me fuckin’ hear you”
And you definitely did. You were on cloud nine and the only thing you could think of was how good he was fucking you. To his request, your noises bounced off of the walls of his bedroom with no remorse.
“Yeah, yeah there you go, fuck”
But just when you were being transported into a deeper sense of euphoria, Chris stopped. He was a menace, truly. Him fucking you roughly was him getting his payback from Kye but him stopping was to tease you, solely. He wanted to see you work for it.
“No, no, Chris please, I was so close, why’d you stop?” You whined to which he gave your ass another slap.
“Wanna see you fuck yourself on me, take everything you need and want because I know you’re not getting this kind of dick messing with that bozo, c’mon, doll face”
You contemplated for only a couple seconds. He was right and you were so far gone with him, it didn’t matter anymore. Positioning your knees as best as you could, you began throwing yourself on his cock, after a couple of your own thrusts, the pleasure was revving back up.
All the demons inside Chris was having a field day, the devil on his shoulder was commending him and throwing him all the praise in the world right now. This was only a fraction of what he wanted from you, the real part was set to come later.
“Fuck, look at that ass, looks so damn good and feels so damn good” Chris was mesmerized by how your body did it’s work on him, he could tell you wanted to cum but it would only be on his accord.
So he took his control back and pounded into you, your shrieks and moans made him smile behind you. If only Kye could see you now, this was probably the loudest you’d moan in a long time.
A part of him pushed harder because there was no way a woman like yourself wasn’t getting fucked on a regular.
So it made his ego inflate when he heard:
“Chris right there! I’m gonna-“
And he wasn’t even upset when you came without his permission. He loved the feeling of your fluttering walls around him, squeezing him for dear life. He slowed this thrusts to accommodate to you coming down, it was intense.
Quickly, Chris loosened his bondage and flipped you over. He examined how blown out in lust you looked, it only made him harder. He smiled down at you and chuckled darkly.
“You look so fucking beautiful, baby” he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your puckered lips, you whimpered.
“You’re such an asshole” you giggled when he laughed, stealing another kiss from you.
He then repositioned himself back over your body and in between your legs, stuffing you full of him all over again. You both wailed out.
With a hard grip on your hips, Chris began fucking again. He was focusing on his own orgasm now, his thrusts rough and hard. You were enjoying this too much because truthfully, this is what you needed, a good fucking.
“Need you to look at me, baby doll” you wrapped your arms around his neck, peering up at him, “You’re all mines from this day forward, Smiley can go down in cement for all I care”
A particular thrust hit your g spot, you screamed, clutching him tighter.
“I can get that warehouse back from him, no problem, but you? You’re not goin’ back to him, you’re gonna stay here with me, forever”
And Chris hit that spot over and over again until you were crying out in your third orgasm, your back arching and tits pressing into his chest.
“You listenin’ to me?”
“Yes!”
“Then tell me somethin’ , you’re gonna stay here with me? Help me build this legacy?”
“Yes, Chris, yes!”
“Gonna be my woman? Give me my own family?” You moaned, “yeah? Gonna let me fill you up till that tummy swells with my children?”
The thought made you light headed, you loved it.
“Fuck yes, please do it, Chris, please!” That happily set him over the edge, shoving himself deep inside of you, his hips tilting upward to take his seed to the desired place.
He grunted at the many thoughts of you carrying his children, helping him run the business, being his lady forever. He’d know how to treat you right, you wouldn’t need anybody else but him.
Somewhere along the moments of Chris coming down, you slipped into a small space of unconsciousness.
You’d woken up to the feeling of his warm body and water. The tendrils of his hands ran up your back. The side of your face pressed onto his chest.
He spoke when your body shifted, “you awake?”
You nodded, you were in his large bathtub filled with bubbles, you held onto his naked body. “I passed out?”
Chris chortled, you felt it rumble through him, “you absolutely did, but don’t worry, I got you, I felt you’d be sore so I got you in here with me”
You nodded again, sighing out in contentment, squeezing him tighter, a minute of silence we by before you spoke up, “y’know, I don’t feel bad for doing any of this, he’s never done me any real good in the first place”
Chris nodded, hands still soothing you, “me neither. But I’m glad you don’t. You shouldn’t have to hold a man down when he doesn’t respect you, when he doesn’t make you feel loved or like the beautiful woman you are”
“I appreciate that, I’ve been feeling like I was going crazy trying to make myself realize that because things could be worse, y’know? At least I have a roof, clothes, and money-”
“But that doesn’t mean you tolerate him slacking off when it comes to loving you the right way. You deserve a man that can handle business and appreciate his woman in the same breath”
Chris tapped your shoulder, making you glance up at him, he softly gripped your chin and caressed your skin with his thumb.
“I can promise you that you’ll never have to assume anything about us. I’ve wanted you for a long time and I’d be a fuckin’ idiot to let you go. I meant everything I said, you’re the one that I want and I want my entire life with you”
He kissed you again and kept his hand on the back of your head, not getting enough of you. You felt your chest swell with a foreign feeling as you kissed him back. Could this be love? You weren’t sure.
But one thing about what Chris said, you believed him.
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oreostars · a month ago
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everything stays
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chapter 1 - blood on her hands :: gisela klein [ an aot oc story ] 
note: hey guys i know its been a rlly long time since ive posted anything and u may be rlly let down and underwhelmed that ive chosen to write a aot oc instead of fanfic but its what i want to write and i rlly love my oc and wanna give her some love and some praise and let u a little in how i see her. im sorry i havent posted a lot im going to try to write more and who knows i may or may not finish this but its ok imma try lol but life sometimes is a butthole. i hope you love her as much as i do an tysm for taking time out of ur day to read this story. enjoy!
Even though she knew that this day would have to come and that it was near, it still was a surprise for her. She was taken aback. It didn’t make sense and add up to her; she was trained for this since she was little; preparing mentally and physically for phase one of the plan; and the day appeared through the trees; past the wall; the opportunity was present; the fate of the people were waiting in their hands; and yet she felt a sense of evilness within her heart. Was this right? But there was no time. 
The day was written down in history. The stories were spread around like a disease. Heights, jaws, teeth, feet, stench, the screams. If they survived that nightmare they were seen as a tough soldier; as someone that was applauded because they probably had PTSD and had to see everyday as a reason within themselves or God that they were alive. That maybe just maybe they were saved for a reason; for a purpose. That is what Gisela Klein thought. Maybe there was something greater out there for her to do, to accomplish and that was why she saw another day; breathed another breath. 
But one thing was for sure. Forgiveness would never come her way; she would never expect it. To be a warrior she had to endure the horror; the pain; feelings of worthlessness; and friendships lost. 
This is the story of the 10th finding titan; the Slash Titan.
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The pounding of her heart rang through her ears. It had taken everything for her to keep going on this journey; to continue on the path to and through Hell. She felt a loss within her and the light in her eyes died out. The loss of her friend made it hard for her to function. To keep her head in the game and in the plan. 
She sighed as she stared at her hands. Broken and bruised like her heart; scars and scratches scattered on her skin. Her bite mark deeply engraved into her flesh. She heaved a huge sigh. Ready to give death a handshake and make a deal with the devil. Panic was rising in her chest from her stomach, almost ready to throw up. 
As she thought about her family back home she realized there was no other way; she had to do this. In order to be with her family, to save them she had to do the one thing she was trained to do. 
Kill.
A lightning strike shot over the wall. The wall that kept the monsters away and at bay. Something was wrong; the air seemed to change. The lightning strike caused a boom, clap and the ground started to shake. 
Bertholdt drew his leg back and with full force swung his leg forward, knocking a hole into the wall that was impenetrable. Many people flew back from the wind of the blow and some were crushed by the debris of the wall. 
Many were going to die; but it’s what needed to be done. 
The titans were called. 
Finally the titans entered the devils homes and started to rip up their lives. “This is right, this is right.” Gisela had to keep reminding herself. “For my family.” And something snapped within her. The image of her mother, tortured, flashed in her mind. And suddenly everything was worth it. “No regrets.”
Gisela eyed Reiner, an agreement, a sign. She exhaled and in a quick motion placed her hand to her mouth and bit into it. In a spark she transformed into her titan form. Her eyes were much like a cats, sharp. She was made into the slash titan, she was chosen for this program. Her titans fingers were like sharp knives, able to cut any object or person. They hung a little past her knees. 
Reiner then transformed and both stomped past the hole. Many citizens glanced up, horrified. Gisela and Reiner were titans never seen before. 
She nodded to Reiner, bent down and started to pick up debris and pieces of houses to throw over the bigger wall. The chunks started to smash against people. Blood splattering everywhere. Gisela almost wanted to close her eyes from the immense amount of dead bodies piled on top of others, graves upon graves. 
She was hauling boulders as high and fast as she could. Her titan held a high amount of power and strength. Being slim, muscular and as tall as the armored titan and female titan. Reiner took a step back and gained his speed to go onward to destroy the bigger wall. 
“Fire!” Their soldiers cried out. Fear evident on their face. They shot their cannons, not even slowing down Reiner. Gisela continued flinging, wanting to create a path for Reiner. She was faster than before and many of her hits flattened the men in the front lines. Their screams and cries loud. 
“Close the gate!” They tried, it was their last hope to save humanity. But it was not enough. Reiner broke the wall and killed those running and they went flying. They reached even higher than Gisela. It astounded her almost, they seemed like helpless birds flying high in the sky; but that thought was quickly wiped clean because the second they flew up in the air they came straight down with much force that many parts of their bodies broke. 
Reiner did what he needed to do, he opened up a way for the titans to get in and they were swarming by the bunches. 
In the distance, the survivors fled in boats across the river to get into the other walls. Gisela put herself in their shoes for a second. They had reason to be scared. Everything they have ever known was gone; their houses, loved ones, food, a place to feel the most comfortable you can feel despite situations; it was all gone. Gisela shook the thought out, not caring about these cruel humans feelings. They had none. No emotions. Gisela had to believe that thought; what she was told, she had to believe it with all her heart, or else what was real?
They waited till they were able to not be seen and Gisela turned human first and then so did Reiner. The four of them hopped on the boat. Talking amongst themselves. The wind howled through the vacant homes. Destruction everywhere. Gisela looked around her setting and saw a little girl had been crushed because a tree fell on her, her doll mere inches away from her grasp. She died with her eyes open; almost looking into Gisela’s soul through the eyes. Gisela’s body trembled and she threw up. 
“Don’t.”
Gisela looked up to see Reiner wiping blood and debris off his clothes. He picked his sleeve and turned Gisela’s head to look away, he wiped her chin and mouth off the puke. He saw the trauma in her eyes and felt guilty. But it’s what needed to be done. He kept telling himself that the more he did this the more he would understand and get used to it. It was still all new to her and he had to be strong for her. He knelt in front of her small frame. “It’s not your fault. They needed to die. We are in this together. You don’t need them. Look at me.”
Gisela looked into his eyes, away from the sadness. His eyes carried the feeling of wanting to be wanted. That was always what Reiner wanted. But they also had fear in his eyes. 
“Stop acting like you’re in control when I know how sick you feel. I know how afraid you are Reiner.”
He paused and took a look at his hands and others surrounding him. “You’re right. But I made a promise to Marcel.”
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They joined the other citizens arriving at the food reserves. The master of disguise was needed in this mission. People needed to see four hungry, depressed children that survived the fall of their homes, not mass murderers. 
Annie was only able to fetch two loaves. “Alright, who's the most hungry?”
“You girls should eat, you’re more feeble.” Bertholdt sat on a crate, pointing to Gisela and Annie. 
Annie tsked, moving a bang from her eyes, “who says girls are more feeble? I recall kicking your ass all those times in training.”
“You guys can eat it, I’m not hungry.” Gisela sat on the other crate and saw the chaos of the crowds. A boy caught her interest. He had dark brown hair, tan skin, and light blue green eyes. He was having bread shoved in his mouth and he seemed to have such a strong personality to him. If only Gisela felt so strongly about her motive and her placement in this life. 
“You really should eat, you need your energy after all you did.” Annie broke all the loaves in half and shared it amongst the four of you. “It’s not much but at least it's something.”
Gisela sighed, “you’re right. Thanks.”
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After that day there was land given to only a few refugees but there were too many of them. Luckily the four of them had a piece of land that was enough until further inching themselves within society. Through that whole span each day was getting easier and easier living with the lies and day by day Gisela felt more at sure with herself and knowing that she could fulfill this mission. Pills and alcohol helped the pain and ease the thoughts. She taught herself to put a gap between what she came here to do and feelings. She told herself every day that nobody else mattered except her family and Reiner. She trained her brain to not care, to not have strings attached or any love for anything. It was all a play, all a rehearsal for when the curtain would fall. She was readying herself for that fall. Everyday she educated herself more on these scums. What they liked, wanted, needed, craved for, and what they craved more than ever in their life was freedom. 
She trained her body as if it were her last day, barely getting sleep. The face of her mother haunting her every night making her get up at three in the morning to do pushups or sit ups. Not only was her mind getting stronger but also her body. Even Reiner would make jokes noticing the muscles that would appear. The six pack that formed on her stomach. Her thighs growing tight and firm, her arms growing stronger. The sweat growing on her forehead longer. 
With her body growing her relationship with Reiner also changed. They no longer were the tiny children that didn’t understand anatomy or the air between two people. Reiner and Gisela’s relationship was of being flirty, sharing a few kisses here and there, trying to be a couple but then yelling at each other and breaking it up and realizing maybe this isn’t right a million times. Even Bertholdt and Annie were getting tired of their outbursts. But each time they made up to be friends only and then the cycle started where the feelings came in the way and they wanted to be more. They would tease each other, especially Reiner. They were each other's best friends. Gisela was like one of the boys, loud, obnoxious, burping all the time, Reiner would get a look at her and smirk thinking he taught her well. When Reiner looked at her he felt at home and that everything was going to be okay. Her nightmares continued and each time Reiner would come to her room and hold her, let her cry into his arms. She felt he was the only person that knew her pain. 
Gisela understood many things in life and for once she understood her life here, she understood why she was born and chosen. 
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It was the following year and in order to get closer to finding the founding titan the four became part of the 104th cadet corps. 
“Are you ready to train more?” Gisela nudged Reiner, eyebrow raised.
“What do you mean train more? This is going to be a new but scary experience honestly.” Reiner spoke as if he was a different person. As if he didn’t have a life outside of the walls. 
“Reiner?” Gisela placed her hand on his shoulder, steadying him. He looked fine on the outside but Gisela knew the issues were inside, his mind. She knew this was becoming disastrous to him, he was starting to have almost two personalities, two lives, two worlds, two people. Gisela tried to tell Annie or Bertholdt, they saw it too but there was nothing they could do. 
All that Gisela could do was smile as they made their way to the first day of training. 
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note: again ty y’all sm!!!! If u liked it lmk and this is kinda new for me cuz I usually don’t post my ocs stories here or much at all but I’m rlly excited for y’all to see her and for y’all to know this oc of mine and hopefully accept her ❤️
Taglist: @witchofinterest @chlobenet @eddysocs @fpxloomis @whctsherncme-archive @ocfairygodmother @fandomchick80 @ocappreciationtag
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marvelluce · a month ago
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safety blanket - bucky barnes oneshot
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
word count: 2.1k
warnings: depression/anxiety mentions, nightmare mentions, sad stuff
I literally woke up the other day with this one shot in mind so it's been brain rot since then. Also wanted to post this to celebrate TFATWS premiere!!! happy reading.
“Do you want to borrow my weighted blanket?”
The question was simple enough. Innocent, too. Bucky couldn’t help but look at you as if you were crazy though. Here you are, at 2 in the morning, asking a super soldier if he wanted to borrow your blanket. “You’re what?” He finally got out, rubbing his eyes as he tried to make sense of the picture in front of him.
He had just woken up, his final scream from his nightmare sounding too real in the quiet night, still covered in a hot sweat when you had knocked on his door. You had waited, and listened, much like the rest of the people in the apartment complex, for the screaming to stop to come to his door and offer him some peace. Bucky had just moved in a few weeks ago, “You need to get your own space, it will help with the nightmares. Separate work and home.” his therapist had said. Sam and Steve seemed to agree, and now he was back in Brooklyn in an old factory building turned into lofts. They were nice, affordable, but the move didn’t fix the memories that haunted him at night.
“My weighted blanket.” You shifted your weight nervously, holding the heavy blanket in your hands as you looked up at Bucky. “It’s for pressure, when sleeping, it helps with my anxiety. I thought you could give it a try with, ya know.” You trailed off, your voice becoming quiet as you looked down, suddenly interested in the blanket material. You and Bucky had crossed paths maybe once or twice, the first time being when you locked yourself out of your apartment and needed a phone to borrow. Bucky was the first neighbor to answer the door, and after some reluctant conversation, he let you into his loft and used his phone. Bucky wouldn’t let you past the kitchen, and seemed hesitant to have you in there at all. He admitted he didn’t know how to use it, which made you question how old this man really was, as you dialled up the landlord to let you in. There was some conversation, a quick thank you, and you were out the door.
The second time was when you had fallen down the stairs during a thunderstorm. The concrete stairs were not the best when they were wet, and before you knew it you were at the bottom, having fallen on your ass and slid down the stairs with ease. Bucky just happened to be walking up to the landing when he met you, and he couldn’t help but laugh at your state and help you up. This is when you noticed his arm. Bucky usually wore long sleeves and gloves, but that day when he had helped you up, his wet gloves were stuck into his pocket. You let in a sharp breath when you felt metal grasp your right hand, Bucky quickly pulling that hand away once you were up. Another awkward “thank you” and “you’re welcome” were spoken, but that was the most you have ever said to one another.
Bucky just blinked at you, tilting his head a bit as you played with the fabric. “Does it really work?” he asked, clearing his throat a bit. “I mean, don’t you need it?” He leaned up against the doorway now, his arms crossing in front of him. You looked up at him, noticing his stubble and the dark circles under his eyes. He looked rough, and you knew that look too well. “Oh! Well,” you let out a weak excuse for a laugh, “This is actually my twenty pound blanket I brought you. I have a fifteen and a ten at home. I thought you could use more of the weight.” You coughed a bit, looking away from him as you spoke. “My nightmares have stopped when I started using these. I don’t wake up crying as much. I’m not saying that they will work for you but, I just thought maybe you could give it a try. You could use some rest.” You looked back at him, your eyes full of sincerity. Bucky just stared at you, blinking slowly before saying, “You know I never caught your name.” He stands up straight now, uncrossing his arms and reaching out for the blanket. You pass it over to him, smiling a bit as he takes it. “Y/N, and yours?” He repeats your name back to himself, almost in a whisper before saying. “Bucky. Oh wow, this does have some weight to it.” He smiled as he lifted the blanket up and down, his eyes going back and forth from the object to you. You just nodded, watching him with a curious look. “I’ll, um, try it tonight and I’ll let you know how it goes?” He hugs the blanket to himself, his eyes now just focused on you. “Yeah! It might take a few days for it to like, do its job but you can keep it as long as you want.” You smiled at him, and Bucky could feel his face start to get hot as a blush crept across his face.
“Thank you, Y/N. I really appreciate this.” You just nodded your head, looking at the time and excusing yourself back to your apartment. Bucky went back into his, crawling back into bed with this new weight on top of him. He could see why this could be soothing, and he soon drifted back into a deep sleep. The nightmares came, but this time, there was less screaming.
--
It had been a week since your late night conversation with your neighbor. The yells and screams still would happen, but less frequently than before. You smiled to yourself whenever you would wake up in the morning, having slept through the night without a sudden wake up call.
It didn’t last though.
--
You were standing in front of his door again, having knocked so faintly you didn’t think he would even hear it. You were sure he was asleep, and you were about to walk away when the door opened. Bucky looked healthier, more rested, and that alone should have made you so happy. But as your tears ran down your face, you couldn’t choke out a single word as Bucky’s face fell realizing what was happening in front of him. “Y/N? Hey, what’s going on.” He stepped towards you, a concerned look on his face. You took in a deep breath, your arms wrapped around yourself as you tried to control your shaking. “Can I have my blanket?” was all you could get out, your voice sounding heavy and worn from the crying. Bucky nodded, disappearing into his apartment and returning with the blanket. He looked at you, and then looked lost in thought before saying, “Lets go lay you down, yeah?” You gave him a weird look as he took your hand, your blanket in his other as he took you back to your apartment. You just followed as he took you to your room, his hand letting go of yours as he sat the blanket on the bed. “I’ll be right back,” was all he said as he left your room again. You sat down on the bed, your head in your hands as you remember the nightmare that plagued you just a few hours ago. Bucky returned, standing in the doorway as you looked up. “I’m sorry, wait. Do you even want me to be in here? Wow I’m totally disrespecting your privacy...” he trailed off, looking around your room now. “Its fine.”, you let out softly, noticing his whole body relax. “You know our apartments are set up the exact same? That’s why I could find your bedroom.” He smiles a bit, looking back to you as you just stare at him, the weighted blanket now wrapped around you. “I didn’t want you to think I was creepy and I knew where your bedroom was. I’m rambling. I’m sorry. Uh,I got you water?” He walks into the room now, sitting down next to you on your bed. You take the water, taking small sips as you both sit there in silence.
“My nightmares are like memories.” Bucky suddenly says, making you jump a bit. He looks over at you. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He sends you a soft smile before continuing, his eyes going back to a place on your wall. “Well, they are memories.” He looks down at his left arm, pushing up the sleeve a bit to reveal metal. “I got those memories when I got this arm, so it’s hard to escape your past when it's a part of you.” He said, his voice going into a whisper as he finished his sentence. You sit your water down, turning your body on the bed to face Bucky. “Your past is a part of you, yes, you can’t change that.” you say, your voice barely above a whisper as you reach out for his metal hand. “But how you choose to use that past to define your future? That’s all on you Bucky.” You held his hand now, not daring to look up at him as you ran your fingers along the grooves of the cool metal. Neither of you said anything for a long time, the city sounds filling your bedroom as you focused on his hand, and while Bucky was focused on you. The feeling in the room was intimate, but not awkward. It felt safe.
After a while, he spoke up again. “When I saw you there, crying. I panicked honestly. I saw myself. It scared me, so all I could think was to get you safe.” You look up at him now, his blue eyes scanning your face. He continued to talk. “Since you brought me your blanket, I’ve been having less nightmares and more dreams about, nothing? Like, gosh how do I explain this.” He ran his free hand through his hair, lost in thought. “Like, I just sleep. A good sleep too, and its all thanks to you and I’m forever in your debt, Y/N.” You give him a little smile, taking a deep breath before saying, “I lied, by the way.” His eyes go wide. “About what?” You laugh a little. “I don’t have any other weighted blankets, I gave you my only one…” you shrink into yourself a little, letting go of his hand and bringing up your knees to your chest. He turns his head at you, letting in a deep sigh. You both stared at each other.
“Why?”
You shrug your shoulders, “Because at the time, you needed a safety blanket more than I did.”
“I can always go buy one.”
“But then where's my excuse to talk to you?”
“Doll, you could knock on my door and tell me a dumb joke and I would be estatic.”
You blushed a little at the pet name, hoping the little light that was in your room hid it.
“Bucky…”
It was his turn to shift his body towards you, his full attention on you.
“Yeah?”
“I need my blanket tonight. But I know you’ll need it too..” you trailed off, unsure of where you were even going with this. Bucky just looked at you, but you patted the space next to you. “You can stay here, if you want. We can share.” Bucky looked at you, and then down to the space next to you, and then back at you again, unsure. “Are you sure, Y/N? I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I will be okay for the night if you really need the blanket.”
“Please stay.”
Bucky just nodded at your request, not in the mood to argue. He was exhausted, both of you had been up for almost two hours now. The sun would be peaking in the windows soon, and both of you just wanted to get some rest.
It was awkward at first, figuring out the blanket, and you might have accidentally hit him with your pillow a few times trying to get comfortable, but soon both of you were fast asleep.
You both didn’t know it, but when the light did start to shine through the windows, it revealed you, laying on your stomach with Bucky on his back. Half of your body was laying on top of him, your right arm hooked just under his chest with your head on his shoulder. The weighted blanket had fallen on the floor, but neither of you had stirred.
You both slept that night, and late into the next morning.
No nightmares, no screams, just a silent sleep.
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wizardofrozz · a month ago
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Fuck Away the Pain
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Summary: Steve disappeared after returning the Infinity stones, building the life he desperately craved. This meant leaving behind his best friend and the woman he had grown to love.
Warnings: swearing, depression, smut +18!!, I think that’s it lol
A/N: I got this idea from the song Fuck Away the Pain by Divide the Day. I haven’t done a second part but let me know if anyone is interested in it :) 
______________________________________________________________
I couldn’t keep my focus on anything dancing across the TV; the dull ache that settled around me felt almost like a hug now. The ache was practically comforting compared to the tearing, pulsing pain that had been washing over me day after day. In the common area, I sat on the couch, blankly staring at the TV; I could feel a few pairs of eyes on me from the other side of the room.
           “This isn’t healthy,” my super soldier hearing picked up the faint voice. “She can’t just sit here and waste away,” Nat said softly, pain straining her voice.
           “I know, but what do we do? She has opened up to me more over the last week or so, but she’s still hurting. I don’t know what else to do,” Bucky sighed.
           “You know I can hear you, right?” I croaked, my voice sounding deeper from my recent silence.
           “Honey,” Nat sighed as she took a seat next to me. “It’s been almost two months since Steve left. You need to start moving on, trying to heal. This isn’t healthy,” her voice cracking slightly.
           “It hurts,” I whispered.
           “I know you cared about him, loved him. You can’t keep doing this; it will eat you alive,” Nat rested her hand on my shoulder; I didn’t turn towards her.
           “You know what sucks the most? Yeah, I loved him, but I can get over that. What hurts the most is that I wasn’t enough. I’m not good enough,” my voice cracked, a single tear rolling down my cheek.
           “Don’t say that!” Nat snapped at me.
           “Why? It’s the truth. If it weren’t true, he’d still be here!” I yelled, snapping my head to face Nat now; she flinched away from me.
           “I think that’s enough,” Bucky finally spoke up. “Come on, doll, let’s get you to bed. It’s pretty late,” he smiled softly, reaching for my hand. I turned to look at his outstretched hand, eventually glancing at his face; Bucky radiated warmth, something I desperately craved, so I reached for his hand. Sometimes I wished I pursued my feelings for Bucky instead; I probably wouldn’t feel so empty right now.
           “Goodnight,” Nat smiled, trying to hide the sadness etched on her face.
           “Night,” I breathed, following Bucky towards the hallway.
           “Your room, right?” he glanced over, his fingers still interlocked with mine.
           “I really don’t want to sleep there. I don’t have another choice though,” I laughed dryly.
           “You can stay in my room. I can crash on the couch,” Bucky squeezed my hand.
           “I can’t do that to you,” I looked at the floor.
           “Come on, let’s go grab some clothes so you can shower. Then we’ll head to my room and watch a movie,” Bucky smiled down at me.
           “Okay fine,” I sighed, secretly happy I didn’t have to be alone again.
***
(Bucky POV)
I listened to the water hitting the tiles in the shower as (Y/N) cleaned up in my bathroom. I leaned against the headboard of my bed, trying to occupy my mind, but failing; my thoughts constantly creeping back towards the empty, vacant look on her face earlier. Steve was my best friend, my family, my brother, and I still couldn’t help but hate him right now. Seeing the broken shell of the woman we both grew to love made it difficult not to blame him. My thoughts continued to roam, and I didn’t notice (Y/N) standing in the doorway to the bathroom.
           “You’re going to give yourself a nosebleed,” she said flatly; I snorted. It hit me how much I missed her snarky comments.
           “Sorry, I didn’t know you were done,” I smiled, sitting up in bed. “What movie do you want to watch?” I said, grabbing my remote.
           “Doesn’t matter,” she shrugged, walking to the other side of the bed.
           “Do you want to talk?” I asked plainly, keeping my eyes on the TV, trying not to scare her off.
           “I don’t even know Buck. I’m so tired; I’m so tired of feeling like this. This constant ache is horrible; it always feels like I’m drowning. I want something to take away the pain,” she shuttered, curling her knees towards her chest.
           “Come here,” I tried, opening my arms to her. She looked at me for a moment, almost confused, before she launched herself into my arms, her body slamming into me, knocking the wind out of me. I shifted slightly, positioning her sideways in my lap, her arms tightly wrapped around my shoulder, her face pressed into my neck. “It’s okay,” I cooed, running my fingers through her hair, my metal arm holding her against my chest.
           “Bucky,” she sighed into my neck, her breath tickling my skin.
           “I’m here for you,” I whispered, kissing her hair. She pulled away slightly, her face a few inches from mine; I had to resist the urge to press my lips to hers. Numerous emotions swam through her emerald eyes, none of them staying long enough for me to understand what she was feeling.
           “Take away the pain,” she whispered so quietly I wasn’t sure what she said.
           “What was that?” I asked, turning my head slightly, so my ear was closer.
           “Bucky, please. Get rid of this pain. Fuck away the pain, erase it from my brain. Just do something. Please,” she whimpered, a few tears rolling down her cheeks. My eyes widened at her words; everything in me screamed to do it, take her right here, but a small part of me said no. There would be no going back if I agreed to this; I’d never get over my feelings for her. God, I couldn’t say no.
           “Fake it like you love me,” I whispered before closing the space between our lips. She grabbed my collar of my shirt, pulling me closer, deepening the kiss instantly. My left hand traveled up her legs; she shivered at the cold kiss of my metal hand. I grabbed the back of her neck with my other hand, simultaneously running my tongue along her lower lip. She opened her mouth, moaning as my tongue met hers; a growl rumbled from my chest into her mouth. Her hands stayed on the collar of my shirt while my hands roamed her body; I desperately needed to feel her touching me. “Come on, baby, touch me. It’s okay,” I whispered against her mouth. She tentatively ran her hands down my chest, her nails dragging against the fabric of my shirt. I rolled her off my lap, breaking the kiss and gently setting her on her back; I crawled over her, watching her eyes taking in my features.
           “Bucky, I know how you feel about me. You can say no, I won’t be upset,” she whispered, caressing my cheek.
           “I know I should say no, but I can’t. Even if this is all you can give me, that’s okay. I know you loved Steve, I ended up falling too, but I won’t hold it against you. I won’t blame you for using me. I’ll gladly take being used,” I smirked, meaning every word. I love her, but if all she can give me is one night, I’ll take it.
           “Bucky,” she winced. “I can’t pass my pain on to you; that’s not fair. I’ve always felt something towards you, but I don’t know what this will lead to. I can’t promise anything immediately,” a sad smile sitting on her lips.
           “No rush, no commitment tonight,” I leaned closer, our noses touching. I pressed my lips to her again, coaxing them open to slide my tongue in again. Our tongues were moving together like they were dancing, my right hand sliding up her side, my thumb brushing the underside of her mound. We hesitantly pulled apart, gasping for air; I trailed my lips down her jaw, nipping at the skin under her ear.
           “B-ahh,” she moaned, her face contorting momentarily.
           “You don’t have to be ashamed if you want to scream my name,” I chuckled in her ear before nibbling on the same spot again.
           “Bucky,” she moaned, almost desperately. Hearing my name tumble off her lips was sweeter than I imagined; my dick pulsed in my pants, craving her. I couldn’t take it anymore; I pulled her shirt over her head, my mouth traveling down to her sensitive nipple, swirling my tongue around it. “God,” she breathed, grabbing a fistful of my shirt. I pulled away slightly, ripping my shirt over my head before bringing my mouth back to the skin between the curves of her breasts. I ran my hand up her thigh, running my fingers along the fabric of the shorts she wore. Before I could go any further, she started to pull her shorts off, taking her underwear with them; she pulled at the back of my neck, coaxing me toward her lips again. “I need you, Buck,” she moaned against my lips as her hands pushed my basketball shorts away.
           “You sure?” I doubled checked before removing the last piece of fabric between us.
           “P-please,” she stuttered. My head spun, hearing the need, the lust in her voice, all for me. I slid my briefs off, my dick smacking against my stomach; (Y/N)’s eyes traveled down, landing on my hard-on, her tongue running over her lips. She reached down, her small hand wrapping around it; I moaned at her touch, my head falling forward. I shimmied forward as she lined up, her wetness rubbing over my tip.
           “Fuck,” I hissed, resisting the urge to slam into her roughly. I slowly pushed in, the edges of my vision blurring as her walls squeezed around me; I kept pushing in, letting her adjust. I bottomed out, my vision blurring again as breathy moans left her lips. My eyes traveled up her body, locking eyes with her; she nodded, letting me know to move. I tentatively started to thrust into her, taking it slow; she squirmed under me, bring her hips to meet mine.
           “Faster, Bucky, please,” she whimpered. Something snapped inside me; I grabbed around her rib cage, pulling her upper body towards me, lifting her off the bed, and turning towards the wall next to the bed. She squealed at the cool touch of the wall, but it melted into a moan as I started to pound into her, picking up my pace. Her head fell onto my shoulder, her moans filling every inch of my head. Her back slipped on the wall slightly, her body shifting, so I slammed into her G-spot repeatedly; her moans grew louder, mixing with the grunts and groans falling from my lips. I slid my left hand between us, my thumb drawing circles over her clit.
           “Fuck,” I groaned, feeling her walls tighten around me.
           “Bucky!” she yelled at the same time. I could feel her getting closer to the edge, my orgasm barreling at me like a runaway train.
           “Come with me, baby,” I stuttered, my thrusts getting sloppy.
           “BUCKY!” she screamed, her orgasm slamming into her.
           “Fuck!” I yelled after a few more thrusts, spilling deep inside her. Our heads falling onto the other’s shoulder, chests touching with every ragged breath as we came down from our highs. I carried her back to the bed, gently pulling out of her before leaning down to passionately kiss her again.
           “God, you’re incredible,” she whispered against my lips.
           “I could say the same about you,” I chuckled, pulling away from her. I pulled my comforter back, letting her slide under before running to the bathroom for a washcloth.
           “What are you doing?” she giggled when I came back.
           “Cleaning you up,” I raised an eyebrow at her. I ran the warm washcloth over her thighs, cleaning up any remnants of my seed; I wiped myself off before climbing into bed next to her, pulling her to my chest. She nuzzled my neck, her small hand against my chest; my head lolled to the side, my cheek pressed against the top of her head.
           “Bucky?” she whispered into my neck.
           “Hm,” I hummed.
           “I think I faked loving you too well,” she giggled; hearing her laugh again made my chest tighten. “I might have had stronger feelings towards you than I thought. I guess Steve made it easy not to focus on it,” she pulled away to meet my gaze.
           “What are you saying?” I raised an eyebrow, searching her eyes.
           “You’ve been incredible these past few weeks; I can’t thank you enough for never giving up on me. I don’t think I can see you as just a friend anymore. I have always been drawn to you, but obviously, I couldn’t pursue you. But after these past few weeks, I think I’m falling for you,” she smiled softly, caressing my face.
           “I’ll catch you, doll,” I smiled. “Take it slow; I’m in no rush. Don’t worry about me, do what you need to. If you want me, I’ll be here to catch you, and if you don’t, I can accept that. I just want you to be happy,” I kissed her forehead.
           “Slow sounds good to me,” she sighed happily, resting her head on my shoulder again. I eventually heard her breathing slow as she drifted off to sleep, my own slumber following soon after.
***
(Y/N POV) 
Six months later
Bucky and I wandered down the hall towards the kitchen; his arm lazily draped over my shoulders as I held onto his waist.
           “Why did you wake me again?” I groaned, my head lolling onto his shoulder.
           “Mission, but first, coffee doll. I need caffeine,” Bucky yawned, rubbing his eye with his free hand.
           “Morning, love birds,” Nat smiled from the island in the kitchen. Bucky and I groaned in unison, barely waving at her as we drug ourselves across the kitchen. “How’s paradise?” Nat giggled, sipping her coffee.
           “Bucky’s been amazing,” I watched him from across the room making coffee. “I think I’m starting to believe that everything does happen for a reason,” I smiled, feeling happier than I had in a while.
           “I know it hurt at the time, but I think Steve leaving was a blessing in disguise,” Nat smiled, reaching into her pocket. “Shit, I’ll be right back. I left my phone in my room,” she rolled her eyes, jogging out of the kitchen. I stood from the stool I was sitting on and wandered over to Bucky, wrapping my arms around his waist and laying my head between his bare shoulders.
           “Don’t fall asleep back there,” his body rumbled with laughter. He turned around in my arms, wrapping his arms around my shoulders, smiling down at me. I stood on my toes, pouting my lips at him; he giggled before lowering his head, bringing his lips to mine. The kiss slowly became more passionate, Bucky’s tongue sliding into my mouth, tasting every inch of the inside of my mouth. We got so caught up in each other we didn’t hear Nat talking as she walked into the kitchen again.
           “Oh, uh, hey guys,” a familiar voice shocking Bucky and me. We pulled apart, both of us recognizing the voice we heard; horror filled Bucky’s ice-blue eyes, mine mirroring the same expression. We pulled apart some, turning towards the doorway; our eyes landed on the last man we ever expected to see again.
           “Steve,” Bucky and I said together, not as excited as we should’ve been.
______________________________________________________________
Part 2
Taglist:
@criminalyetminimal
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itsthestutterforme · a month ago
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Sacrifices (Supernatural)
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Summary: Y/N copes after Crowley sacrifices himself// mentions of death and depression
Characters: Crowley x reader, Dean x reader, Angry!Sam x reader
--
"What else is needed for the spell?" Crowley asks me. "Just one thing. The hardest thing. The sacrifice of a soul," you answer. We were in the endgame now. We needed to kill Lucifer before he could corrupt Jack anymore than he already did.
Dean, Sam, Cas and Mary worked to distract Lucifer while you and Crowley worked on the spell. Crowley stares at you a little longer than what you're used to.
Which leads you to think that something went wrong or something is about to go wrong. "What happened?" "Nothing happened," "Then why are you staring at me?" "Because I love you."
You stop doing the spell for a moment and lock eyes with him. "I love you too," he finds a sense of relief in your words. Love isnt something that was reciprocated to him before.
"What is this about, Crowley?" "Just make sure the spell is ready." You eye him skeptically and after a few seconds, you knew what he was going to do.
He stands up to walk away, you hold him back by the hand. You stand up and wrap your arms around him. He slowly wraps his arms around waist and you tighten your grip aroubd him.
"I'm proud of you." He squeezes you and kisses the top of your head before pulling away. You watch with wide eyes when Crowley walks up to Lucifier. "You know you can't beat me, Crowley." "I know," he says.
Crowley looks at you before stabbing himself with the demon blade. "No!" you yell. The light flashes in his face before he falls to the ground. His soul is sucked into the spell you were conducting the spell in.
Tears swell in your eyes and you whisper one last incantation and the rip between worlds was starting the shrink. Cas and Mary continued to fight Lucifer and you rush over to pick up Crowley.
You place his body across your shoulder blades and hold one of his legs and arms to keep him steady. Sam and Dean let me go through first. You walk a few feet before setting Crowley's body down and kneeling down next to him.
"You deserved better," you say to him before putting a hand on his chest. You lean your back against the porch of the shack and you look to the tree line in attempt to calm down.
More sobs escaped your mouth and you find yourself leaning your forehead against Crowley's. "I don't care what anybody says. You're a big softie. You were anyway,"
"No!" you look up to see Castiel being faced from behind and killed. Dean was the one who screamed. Castiel's body falls to the ground and the next thing I know, Mary is pushing Lucifier into the rip between worlds and it closed behind here.
It seems that everyone is going to grieve today. Sam looks to you but you transport away to United Kingdom to be buried.
**
Here you are in power surpressing cuffs, staring at a very angry Sam Winchester. Dean was in the very back, standing there quietly with his arms crossed. You haven't Sam this angry or Dean this quiet, it was starting to freak you out.
"What do you mean you can't bring you can't bring her back? I've seen witches revive themselves with different kinds of spells." he says. "Believe me, I tried." you say. Their silence encouraged you to continue.
"I had a best friend once. Someone that I knew for decades. We went to junior high together and we made arrangements to be roommates in college. But then one night, we were coming back from the gym and we were ambushed by a pack of muts. They had her by the throat, and I froze. I didn't utter a word, and they... tore her apart. I brought her corpse to some abandoned warehouse and tried to revive her for hours, and nothing."
"You think that would be the worst part but no. The worst part of all this was when I had to call her mother. I can still hear her screaming," you add as a few tears escape your eyes.
You quickly wipe them away and Sam says, "What you think you can let a few crocodile tears slip and you're off the hook?" "What the hell is wrong with you? I helped all of you out when you needed a witch and couldn't find Rowena anywhere,"
"You're a friend of Crowley's, we don't know you or your moral code." "Watch your mouth. He sacrificed himself for the spell. For you. The Crowley I knew never would have done that." you snap.
"Do you know what it feels like to lose all hope for saving someone because you're scared of breaking your own heart if you fail?" you add. "Yes," Dean finally says.
You and Sam look to him and he adds, "Sammy, I told you that it was best to let Mom go, and you go a kidnap an ally." "She's not an ally," "She helped us keep Lucifier away from Jack. Yes she is," Dean defends.
"You may have given up on Mom, but I won't. I refuse to do that." Sam says before rushing out of the room angrily. Dean walks towards you with the key to the handcuffs. "I understand why he's angry. I don't blame him for that." you say as he unlocks the cuffs and they clatter on the metal table.
Dean doesn't say anything and you stand up to walk out until your feet stops in their tracks. You turn around and grab a chair to sit down. "What are you doing?" "I know that look all too well. You're not doing so good with coping."
"I'm fine," "Look, I know what it's like to have no one. To be alone in a crowded room because you don't want to burden anyone with your emotions." "Bottling things in won't help," you add.
He stares at you but doesn't say a word. "Come on, I know a cheese steak joint that's open 24 hours," you add, holding out your hand. He looks at you hand for a moment before taking your hand into his. You say an incantation and transport yourself to Philadelphia, PA.
Dean's eyes widen as he tries to stabilize himself. "Why does that feel worse than when angels and demons do it?" "I dunno. Different creatures, different abilities." You say with a shrug before walking inside. Dean follows you in and you greet your buddy.
"Long time no see," "I was starting to miss your pretty face in here, pipsqueak," "Keep yappin' and I'll give toss you a knuckle sandwich, ya punk." You tease. "Missed you too, sweetheart." You and Dean sit and you feel his gaze on you when you take a once over of the menu.
"How you holding up?" Dean asks. "I'm holding, but isn't that a question I should be asking you?" You answer. "I'm holding too," "You don't have to open up if you don't want to. But I'm here to listen when you are." You tell him as he meets your gaze. "Hey, Reggy, can I get one of your famous cheesteaks with ex-" "Extra sauce. Of course, baby doll." "Thanks,"
"You seem to have a good relationship with him," Dean says. "Eh, found a loop hole in his cross roads demon deal. Felt indebted to me every since. I just love his cheesteaks. You should try one." You say. "You're different than other witches." "Really? How?" "You know how to appreciate people and make them feel cared for. Crowley, he.. he was better because of you." Dean says.
Your heart sinks when you hear Crowley's name. Reggy comes around with your philly cheesteak and fries. He sets it on the counter and you say thank you. "No problem baby doll," "How's the daughter doin'?" You ask. "Thinking of becoming a lawyer," "Lawyer? Wow," "Yeah, she wants to be where the action is,"
"I can understand that. I'll wish you luck. Tell her I asked for her alright?" "Sure, you want anything buddy?" Reggy asks Dean. "Uh just a coffee, black." Dean answers. "You got it,"
"There a pie joint just down the street if you want to go there instead." "No, I'm okay here. I just.. don't know where to start." Dean says. "Anywhere."
He clasps his hands together and says, "I'm tired, and I'm pissed. I'm pissed that it always has to be me and Sam that has the save the world when it goes to shit." "Why does it have to be you and Sam?"
"Because no one else will. It's always been like that. And there's always another problem after the next and the next and the next. There's no break. It's like we're stuck in a horror movie." Dean runs his hand through his hair and closes his eyes for a moment.
"Things between you and Sam seem pretty tense since.. nevermind. Sorry," you trail off. "Yeah, things are tense. He never got the chance to grow up with Mom. And when she finally came back, he thought he would have the chance, but... She died and he felt like that was stripped from him." "But that only makes more room for pain and grief. You would think I would be used to it by now bu-"
"The day you get used to death, is that day you stop being human. You can't be afraid to love because of the pain. Love and pain are two sides of the same coin." "Sometimes I should I couldn't feel a damn thing." He croaks, trying hard to keep it together.
You reach out and squeeze his hand comfortably. He slowly meets your gaze and you say, "Me neither,"
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fancyfade · a month ago
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[image: first are two screencaps from SWTOR, each of Chiss OCs. on the left is Aerinics, a deep blue skinned chiss with dark blue hair that reaches her chin. she has a kidn of oval shaped face. on the right is Trin, a chiss with lighter blue skin and long black hair. underneath the swtor screencaps are two screencaps of the same OCs in a doll game. Aerinics is wearing a white tanktop, black gloves, and beige coveralls. Trin is wearing a beige flight suit and orange vest and a helmet. end image]
Okay, so finally hammering more about Aereinys’s parents (Besides “They died before the start of the game”)
Aereinys mom: Vaer'rini'csapla (Aerinics)
Aereiny’s dad: Shiat'ri'nuruodo (Trin)
Aereinys gets her name from a modified version of her mom’s core name + her dad’s core name. Her name is in the imperial naming system, because her parents died very shortly after she was born and she was raised in an imperial orphanage/state school dedicated to turning out “productive members of society” (aka soldiers/canon fodder).
Aereinys’s parents were hard to develop because a) they had to be dead very shortly after her birth and b) they had to do something to get themselves exiled from Chiss space, but not against the empire because they have to wind up in Imperial space. So I was stuck there for a while.
Trin was a pilot for clan Nuruodo, but he didn’t see a lot of combat (Nuruodo is the military clan according to my wiki stuff). He mostly moved things. And he often helped his clan move blackmailable material against the other clans discretely
Aerinics, Aereinys’s mom, was a mechanic who worked in clan Csapla. She often wound up repairing and maintenancing civilian crafts. Again she was mostly a civilian and did not see much combat.
Now for the part that @arcann helped me with tysm!!! (The suggestions on how they got exiled)
Her dad was  used by his house to ferry some blackmailable secrets between two locations. One one such trip, he was ambushed and lost them. A “true chiss” would have owned up to the mistake, or better yet, never lost his mission in the first place, but he didn’t. He confided in Aerinics who tried to help him cover up his failure, but they both got caught and exiled. They fled to Dromund Kaas, the capital planet of the Empire, because they thought it would be more familiar than the republic due to the Chiss’s allegiance with the empire.
okay back to my stuff so no one blames you for the angst that is about to follow
anyway Aerinics and Trin were mostly chilling in the empire, missing Csilla and not really liking the empire but hey they couldn’t go back. They each wound up working in the Imperial military, now her dad was seeing combat and her mom was maintenancing starships for imperial soldiers.
I’m thinking her dad was sent into a combat situation in his ship that looked impossible to win, but he did it anyway because a) he was being commanded by a sith, so if he refused he would have died no matter what, and b) good chiss follow orders, and even though he got kicked out he still regards himself as a good chiss. Aerinics goes off on the sith who got her husband killed with his poor strategy and the sith reacts by using a sith sorcery poison move on her in the force. She’s taken to the hospital and Aereinys (the baby she’s pregnant with) is saved but she isn’t.
The whole thing is kind of angsty and depressing, but they did need to start the plot dead, since I created her before I knew chiss were in their own little zone, so a lot of her backstory came with her initially having been raised like an imperial citizen (That’s also the initial reason she had the first name last name naming scheme, rather than the chiss naming scheme. I just didn’t know it existed, then instead of re-doing my tags for her I was just like “eh, i’ll make up a justification”)
I feel like this also works as a parallel to some Aereinys stuff, because she gets the scars on her face from getting force-lightninged by a sith after she tells him he’s making dumb decisions and going to get a bunch of imperial soldiers killed. If she put together what happened to her parents (There’s no way anyone would tell her that a sith fuckup and sith cruelty got them killed), she might have thought she had a chance to prevent what happened to her dad from happening to someone else. The encounter obviously leaves a poor taste in her mouth and leads to her deciding sith are mostly irrational and should stay out of imperial business. The full on hatred for the empire develops later, after she is betrayed by people she felt should have been trustwrothy.
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iam-a-dragongirl · a month ago
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Please come back home ... - Jason Todd x female!reader (sfw) (part 1)
released: 03/13/2021 
Warnings: sfw, mention of death, harassment, sadness, little depressed phase of the reader, dejection 
Content: - Jason was dead and with every day that passed, you died a little too, until you met him -
The sky was cloudy, as were your eyes. 
 The shine in them had disappeared and the smile on your lips had also been swallowed up by the sadness that had been eating through your body since that terrible day.
The day your best friend left forever. 
 Jason Todd. 
 This name filled your heart with joy and sadness at the same time and a painful feeling ran through your veins and your eyes watered every time the name was mentioned. Every time you've seen his face in your mind's eye. Some nights you couldn't sleep, so you went to Jason's room and crawled into his bed to smell the smell of his body and feel a security that gave you goose bumps. But every time you had his smell in your nose again and the memories came up, the pain and the tears came too.
 You just got home from school and happily opened the mansion door, but as soon as the door was open you got a strange feeling and a pressure squeezed your chest and made you frown. 
 Then you met Bruce and his look gave you that disgusting feeling of nausea when you noticed that Jason wasn't there, because otherwise he was always the first to greet you when you came from school and he earlier Was at home, from the patrol or he picked you up with the motorcycle that was now covered and lonely in the garage and was gathering dust.
It was like a hard blow, right in your face, when you heard the news of the explosion and when Bruce tried to comfort you, you ran into your room screaming and crying. You never wanted to move again.
You hardly left the room, you stopped going to school and you hardly ate anything. The pain was too deep and you had the feeling that you were about to die yourself.
Jason's death ran deep and you knew it would never go away. Never. But one day he came. 
 The city's new avenger. 
 To you, he looked more like an antihero. Little was known about him, just that he did his own thing and called himself Red Hood. You have never seen him before, only heard from him, Bruce had also heard about the new avenger and wanted to know who he was, but this Red Hood was definitely not stupid and could not be easily caught.
You didn't know this person would change your life until that one day ...
 Alfred was able to persuade you to cook something with him and sent you to go shopping, also so that you could get some fresh air and color your face again. Your eyes were puffy and deep, dark circles hung below them. It had been a few months since Jason was gone, but to you every day it felt like he left yesterday. Your body felt weak and tired, you were shaking, and a yawn came from your mouth as you left the shop.
Even the few people who were also shopping were already too much for you and you just wanted to go home and continue mourning, but Bruce and Alfred did not want to allow this and Dick also tried to cheer you up with his jokes, but you did just cried when he told you a joke. He would definitely have been offended, because his jokes weren't that bad either, but he saw your suffering and the pain in your eyes and he preferred to leave you alone, but never made you feel alone.
It wasn't that you didn't thank the three of them for trying to cheer you up, even though they themselves suffered from the fact that Jason was gone, but your body and heart let you see no light, just the darkness and you didn't want anyone annoy with your grief. 
You knew this wasn't healthy for you, but you didn't have the strength to fight it.
It was already getting dark and at that time Gotham wasn't a pleasant city, so you walked faster and tightened your grip on your shopping bag, but as fate would have it, you weren't alone for long and when you heard a man's voice behind you you did Rolled eyes and cursed softly. It was clear that this had to happen to you right now.
 "Shall we help you carry, doll?" Asked a husky male voice and you felt a cold shiver running down your spine.
 "No thanks, I can manage on my own," came from you and you tried to ignore your adrenaline. The man didn't like your answer and the next man came from the next corner.
 "Oh come on, we'd like to help you," growled the other man, making you shiver.
"As I said guys, it's okay and I think it wouldn't be a good idea if you hurt me," said tremblingly and tried to threaten the men, but that didn't improve the situation and the first man came a little too quickly up to and grabbed you. You smelled the unpleasant smell from him and you felt sick and dizzy. 
 “We'd never hurt you, baby girl. Be good, will you? ” The man's grip tightened and you dropped the bag to defend yourself.
 "Let go of me, you pig!" Did you scream, but that only drove the stranger on even more and a dirty grin graced both lips of the men. You kept fighting, the last thing you wanted was to be raped. Inwardly, you hoped someone would help you, but you knew it wouldn't happen until a voice appeared out of nowhere that took your breath away. 
 "Let go of her," a gritty voice penetrated you and your head turned in the direction from which the voice came, the men also looked up, but nobody was to be seen. But as if out of nowhere one of the men disappeared into the darkness and all you could hear was a painful gasp, then it went quiet.
The man's grip on your arm tightened and made you hiss in pain, then disgust pulled you closer to him and grabbed your throat.
 "Whoever you are, I'm not afraid of you!" The man yelled into the darkness, but you could only hear a faint giggle, then a figure stepped out of the shadows and your eyes widened.
"Somehow I doubt it, my big one," growled the person's deep, pleasant voice and the red helmet shone out of the darkness as if it were a source of light.
"I'll say it one last time ..., let go of her or you will regret it," the masked man's voice became more dangerous and he came closer and closer. Your gaze never left its shape and you almost forgot the pain that penetrated your body. 
 Was that that Red Hood? 
 Out of nowhere, a fist raced past your face and hit the man in the face so hard that he let go of you and staggered backwards, then you were grabbed and pulled aside to get out of the fight. Before Red Hood could finish the man any further, he had vanished in a panic and was running for his life.
 You were torn from your thoughts when a bag was held in front of your nose. It was your shopping bags that were now filled with refined Cannes food and your other things, most of the things still looked okay.
With a frown, you raised your head and stared at the mysterious Avenger in front of you.
 He was tall and cast an even bigger shadow over your figure, his helmet was also easy to see in the dark, especially the white pupilless eyes, of the helmet were easy to see and you could feel them looking at you. 
 "You shouldn't be out here alone," said the antihero suddenly and again you were torn from your thoughts and blinked.
"I'm not alone", you tried to cover up your excitement, but it didn't help and the iron gaze of the stranger made you nervous. He stared at you like a mother had done something to her child and this was now in trouble. 
 "Very funny. Go home." 
 "Without seeing the face of my savior?" Did you joke and for a moment the figure seemed to tense, but he quickly recovered and shook his head. It was strange, his whole demeanor sounded familiar to you and even his disguised voice sounded so familiar to your ears and for a moment you forgot the pain in your heart. 
 "I'll accompany you for a while," came from his mouth and he ignored your question and walked past you. You followed him with a frown and a few blocks away from the mansion he stopped and wanted to leave you alone, but you stopped him faster than you both would like. 
 “Will I see you again?” Did you ask and wonder yourself where this courage came from and whether there was more of it. 
 Red Hood stopped and turned his head slightly in your direction. The wheels in his head were spinning and he seemed to be thinking, then his head dropped slightly and he whispered, "maybe." 
 Then he disappeared and left you alone, in the dark.
 The end
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lovelyyy-luna · 2 months ago
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come out and play
pairing: (dallas winston x fem!reader )
fandom: the outsiders
type: angst
warning: body shaming, depressing stuff, overdosing on pills
request: @yeetwinchester2: Can you do 1, 5, and 10 from your prompt list with Dally? Thank you!!!💙💛
prompt(s):
1. “It’s alright, I'm right here”
5. “Please hold me”
9. “Don’t listen to them”
word count: 773
a/n: I am so sorry that this is almost a year late.
date: march 8, 2021
masterlist
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The nights had gotten harder. You could barely sleep. You wanted to talk to your boyfriend Dallas about it but could never bring yourself to. Even though he's rough around the edges he had a soft spot for you.
You sit up in your bed and turn your light on. The thoughts in your head overtook your confidence. You walk out of your room and into your living room. Your footsteps echo throughout your empty apartment.
You had just moved in a few days ago and everything was still in boxes. Moving out of your parent's house was one of the best things you've ever done for yourself. They were horrible human beings. The punches and slaps hurt, the markings would go away but their words were engraved into your brain.
“You're too fat” “you will never be good enough for anyone” “no wonder no one wants you, you'll open your legs for a compliment.”
when Dallas and the gang found how bad your home life was, they tried everything to get you out but you couldn't leave. You kept telling them that they were your family and that it was okay. It was a month ago where you had the last straw. Their words constantly haunt you. You didn't want to die, you just wanted the pain to die.
Johnny found you in your bathroom unconscious. You took a lot of pills and were overdosing. An ambulance was called and Darry made the call that you were living with them. You had to decline because they had too many people living there and you didn't want to burden them. Dallas suggested that you live with him over at Bucks and he didn't take no for an answer.
You moved into bucks over those next few days. The gang went to your house to box up your belongings so you wouldn't have to face your parents.
Dallas talked to the guys about how he got a small apartment and he wanted you to live with him. You were so happy. And so in love.
After he told you about the apartment he went out with Johnny and obviously got in a fight. But this was involved with the sheriff's son so Dal got a month in the cooler.
You had to move into the new apartment by yourself. The gang helped you move in but since they were busy with work and school they couldn't always stay long.
Tim would stop by some nights just to make sure you were okay. Johnny was actually the only one that would stay the night. You made it clear to him that he was welcome anytime because you knew the situation he was in.
Tonight Dallas was supposed to come home from the cooler but he didn't. You call Darry to see if he stopped by and he did. “Yeah, kid he’s here wanna talk to him?”
“No Dar it's fine I’ll see him when he comes home.”
“Okay kid see you later.”
You kinda wished Dal came home right when he got out but you didn't wanna seem controlling.
An hour later you were on the couch reading a book when you heard the door jiggle. Dallas walked and sighed.
“Hey, doll. You miss me?”
“Of course I missed you. I just wished you came home right when you got out.”
“I know I’m a sorry doll. I just wanted to see the guys before I spent the whole weekend with you.”
He gives you a long kiss. You missed him.
After the kiss, he goes to take a shower, and you are left alone again. Alone with your thoughts.
You tried your best to be positive and keep busy when he was gone but now you didn’t know what to do with yourself.
Those thoughts flooded your brain and you broke down once again. You tried to keep your sobs silent but that didn’t work.
Dallas was already dressed when he heard your stifled sobs. He came into the living room and knelt by you.
“Baby what’s wrong?”
“They keep repeating in my head.”
He tries to wipe the tears away but you couldn’t stop.
“Baby don’t listen to them.”
“I try but it’s so hard.”
“I know it is but all you gotta do right now take a deep breath. You need to steady your breath.”
He breathes with you causing you to be just a little bit calm.
“Dallas?”
“Yeah doll?”
“Can you please hold me?”
“Of course.” he gets behind you and holds you.
Your breathing was just slightly erratic, he strokes your head and whispers, “It’s alright, I’m right here.”
♡please like and/or reblog♡
wanna be tagged? (X)
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meggie-stardust · 2 months ago
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GUNDAM WING - REWATCH - 39 - 40
39. Trowa’s Return to the Battlefield 
I was today years old when I admitted that Trowa is my fave character 
Even in AC195, they use the tried and true coffee cup method to see if a T-Rex is coming
When Zechs is depressed he drinks and takes off his mask. Remember that Wild Turkey ad?
My name is CANS. They’re not even trying to pronounce that correctly. 
I don’t remember Quinze being so bleh and nasally 
Duke Dermail: The Rebels are rebelling, like rebells do and it’s annoying
Was Treize a dictator? Is that what we’re calling it? 
Woah, has gone full on WyNOINa. Get it, guys?? GET IT?!
Amnesia Trowa is so soft. Look at his smile. And his body language. 
Noin: I remember your names. Watch as I casually drop them into conversation. 
Duo: Don’t go getting me angry, not if you value your life.
Evil attracts evil. Duo is great. I want him to lean into that dark side even more. Like the dark side then immediately laughing is just so amazing
What is Hilde’s niche exactly, Duo? Doing your grocery shopping? Wearing a baret? 
This guy from White Fang straight up looks like a different animation style, like he’s from a different Gundam series
Noin: Good thing I was part of all these organizations so I can recap all this backstory of who took over who and why
Trowa: I think I remember how to pilot a mobile suit, so I’ll just give it a test run in a real battle and see how it goes
Was that just Duo floating by asleep?
Quatre’s backhand is a little rusty. Been a while since those tennis lessons
How does Trowa run out of bullets in a laser gun? Gotta stay on brand.
WHAT AN ENTRANCE DUO, Deathscythe Hell is the best
RYTHEM EMOTION AGAIN
Duo: Saving the guy who blew up Deathscythe in the fist place, not that I hold a grudge 
Trowa asking if Duo was his friend is wild. I mean, Trowa saw Duo like 3 days ago… It’s weird he doesn’t remember that?
Heero: Relena I’m going to kill you — SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!
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40. A New Leader
We may have killed off Tubarov 2 episodes ago, but he won’t really die
Howard info dumping is just funny
Howard: White Fang is the least groovy of all the terrorist organizations out there
Libra is still under construction? Do you think that the contractors knew what they were getting into when they took the job working on the White Fang base? (I haven’t made this Clerks reference yet).
Howard: That reminds me, Zechs never came home. He’s gonna be so grounded! No mobile suits for 2 whole weeks!
A gundam! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!
Heero: Relena, I know you can’t hear me, but I am still going to tell you everything you’re doing wrong
Hey Relena, maybe don’t daydream during important cabinet meetings
Duke Dermail: These are simplistic ideas… I mean, he’s not wrong
Duke Dermail hasn’t coup’d in a while. He’s getting restless
All Noin wanted to do was go line dancing and drink so beers, and be a cool lesbian aunt. 
Howard: Hey, Duo, it’s your cool Parrot Head uncle. Wanna come hangout and smoke out in the garage on my groovy spaceship?
I know that I generally chat with my granddaughter when making important political decisions
Dorothy is so thirsty for Relena, it’s not even funny
Rando OZ guy: What is 05 doing? Why doesn’t he agree with everything we are doing without us talking to him at all
Heero, look at you in disguise, ready to just fuck up this assassination
That being said, Heero is making that uniform work
We did it, we destroyed the Gundam. BUT DID YOU???
The Gundams are now fighting for Earth?? Is that true Zechs? Or were they just protecting your sister??
Who is that guy in the shadows? Who else has long blonde hair? 
They were just dolls, but they were destroyed so meaninglessly. Tubarov would have loved Wufei
Heero, killing her at the public counsel. I mean, this is the worst assassination plan ever. You are so bad at this. 
Why are you so bad at this
Noin: God, Trowa, why can’t you remember where you left Heavyarms
Howard: I’m super important guys, I helped build the Tallgeese. I even came up with the name. 
Duke Dermail: I picked a bad day to stop being a dictator. I picked a bad day to go to space. I picked a bad day to not get blown up.
Heero where did your actual gun go? See you space Cowboy
And a final shot of Treize to remind us he’s here and rad. 
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Thoughts:
I can’t believe we are almost done with the series, but the final act players are all finally in place with the proper introduction of White Fang and Zechs taking his position as the head. And I know how the last two episodes go, but I don’t remember much about the seven episodes between now and then, only small details. 
It’s also really bold to introduce White Fang this late in the series. The show spent so long world building and establishing characters and organizations during the first 1/4 of the show, and to throw in a new element this late in the game is crazy. We’ll see if they get the same amount of attention as the rest... 
I had to revisit my what characters know who’s name spreadsheets during these episodes. Once the series is done, I’ll post that for everyone to see. It’s wild. 
What I think I remember for the next episode(s):
DO WE FINALLY GET RYTHEM EMOTION?! MY BODY IS READY. Since we didn’t get Trowa’s memory back, that should probably happen soon, and I think we get to see Treize and Une come back into the scene soon... 
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secretaryunpaid · 2 months ago
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Fighting Temptations...
(TNA Fanfic)
Rating: Explicit
Word Count: approx. 1535
Warnings/Triggers: Death, depression,
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After the painful sight of Alina’s death, Sam went on a downward spiral. His actions from that point forward led to excessive alcohol abuse. He wasn't even aware of the amount that he would consume daily.
He had come to rely on his meetings with Dahlia more often than she’d expected. So much so, that he was beginning to suck her into his depression. She was losing sight of herself trying to help him escape this loop that he’d become enslaved in.
She never imagined that her revenge would push him to this level. She was so consumed with a hatred for him, that she didn’t even think of the collateral damage her actions would cause. Being in Sam’s presence was forcing her reality to take hold of her sanity.
She’d been the cause of this… and indirectly the cause of Alina’s death. She’d recently sent a picture to Alina. The sight had Alina questioning how well she even knew her husband. 
Sam had been so loving and, although Dalton Enterprises was monopolizing his life, he was always trying to be the man she’d fallen so deeply in love with.
But Alina was gone now, and after having been forced into rehab as her condition for taking him back, along with a serious commitment, he had to pull his life together. He wouldn’t lose her, too.
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Sam hired Tyrese to perform “Sweet Lady”  for his proposal … Down on his own persuasive measures since she’d left when he was most vulnerable, he figured that added touch would give him time to work his courage up to take on her denial, should this strong minded woman actually allow his entertainment.
He knew that she’d mentioned loving Tyrese’s sensual voice… She’d at least focus on the words of his song… Knowing her wit, she’d pick up quite quickly on the words meaning on this night.
She’d warned Sam that if he wasn’t contacting her with a marriage proposal, she couldn’t entertain their former patterns. He’d driven her to lust and he knew it. But she’d been able to resist his charms in the end. Whiskey and bourbon were his “new orgy” as Dahlia had put it.
He’d express that underneath the pain, he’d actually fallen in love with her. Heartbroken at the words, knowing that she’d expected a totally different conversation to result from the photo she’d sent to Alina just before her demise. She becomes enraged and her persona immediately shifts to borderline girl interrupted behavior …
“You’re professing love for ME, Sam… While GRIEVING over your TRUE LOVE ??? DO YOU FUCKING EVEN HEAR YOUR WORDS RIGHT NOW ??”
Sam flinches back in absolute confusion… “You’re telling me that I CAN’T love you, too? After every time you came to my rescue … you were ALWAYS there, Lia!! How can you expect me not to grieve? But I have to move on, and I NEED YOU to do that, Lia!” But Dahlia isn’t prepared for this turn of events.
“Sam, I ..,” tears flowing heavily, “I can’t. There are things I have d- …” Sam interrupts here with a heated kiss that draws her from the ground resting only on her tiptoes … a kiss that draws every ounce of desire … that forces her to acknowledge … her love …
When he releases her, she whispers, “Love you, too…” Momentarily stunned, she allows him to kiss her more fervently, backing her against the wall … His hand groping her meaty core, his tongue racing against her neck, against her shoulder, until he swiftly drops to her center to kiss what has drawn him to her fully.
The inhale at his touch floods her with an adrenaline that she can’t resist. She wants him … She needs him … She craves him … “Yesss, Sam,” is the delicate whisper that escapes her lips as she bites down, letting the rush consume her…
“NO!”
She pushes Sam away, but he is not giving in… He holds her firmly, pulling her into his tongue thrusts … into his finger strokes … into his teething graze of her core … He growls his hunger loudly, letting her know he has seized his prey and won’t give without her trembling release …
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His animalistic nature returns… his former self coming along with it … She has become his tether to reality… Her reluctance only fuels him more. 
He pulls her to the floor, laying his weight upon her as he grinds against her, “Tell me you DON’T want me Lia… TELL ME !!!,” he demands with firmness… “You CAN’T !!,” are the last words spoken as he tears away her clothing … tears away her control … devouring her moans with his aggressive kisses, sliding her thong to the side and thrusting his hardened length into her … loving her with a roughness as if punishing her for ever thinking of walking away from him …
Tonight, he will stake his claim on her heart … he will offer all of himself with each thrust, building into a powerful hammering that leaves them both convulsing with release …
As Sam lays atop her frame, she lays silently tears flowing uncontrollably … How can she love this man … after the things he’d caused her to endure … the personality changes, the … the … all thoughts end as he lifts to kiss her again … Oh damn, I can’t resist … round two is always better than the first … and with that, she is sucked in again … this time, she gives her all … because this time … this time has to be her last … but how?
“Dammit, Sam…,” is the last of her thoughts as his sex takes hold of her soul.
 After he had fully put his mark of ownership on Dahlia’s body, after she’d clawed her last orgasm on his back … he lifted her like a weightless doll, and carried her to the bed, so spoon the night away with her in his loving hold… 
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Morning comes, and Sam kisses her, “Good morning, Lia. Do you forgive me for last night??” She stares into his eyes, the biggest smile of pleasure shown on her face, “Mmmhmm, forgiven.”
“Good, cause you know I never miss breakfast.”
“But, I’m sore, Sam …”
He places a finger over her lips … “I’ve got you, Lia.”
And with that, she convinces herself that this will be the final time…
“Damn, girl … I love you! You’re so damned sexy,” he growls, before giving her the most sensual and gentle love making she’s ever experienced … She now knew that he’d truly committed himself to her.
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Freddy Jackson’s “Tasty Love” is the song he belts from the shower … Dahlia can’t help but smile … “Damn, I LOVE HIM…” But the smile quickly fades as she sees the notification on Sam’s phone over on the nightstand.
“Sam, we need to talk, NOW !!!” {sender T.B.O.P .eggplant kitty emojis…}
She gets a clench in her chest … TBOP, TBOP … until she understands the acronym to be The Boys of Princeton… And just like that, her horrors flood back to mind, reaching an anxiety level beyond control. She can’t keep hold of her sanity … 
She looks towards the direction of the shower, but Sam is still in his feelings, now belting lyrics to “Just a Touch Away” by Freddie Jackson. Water drops in heavy sounds, signifying that he is still mid cleanse … “LOVE IS JUST, JUST A SIMPLE TOUCH …,” are the words he’s crooning out.
She darts for her outer clothing strewn near the door … not taking the time to fully dress … noting that Sam had literally torn her clothes off of her, she looks around frantically … As she spots his suit shirt, she hurriedly takes, grabbing her clutch and shoes…
Rushing as fast as she can, buttoning the last button, she reaches for the door handle … “I owe him a goodbye at least …” 
Knowing that she can’t leave if he is face to face, she scribbles a quick note …  “I love you, but I can’t do this Sam.” Sealed with a lip imprint, a final kiss of crimson, she drops the note near his phone, and slips out of his life …  Her plan… never look back …
Sam emerges into the bedroom, backside winding in a nasty grind … his playful side of love … only to spin around to an empty room… “Lia?”
“Hmm, morning game play, huh? Okay, okay… Let me just check the time, see if I can make this happen for her…,” his happy thoughts searching for today’s game … until he reaches for his phone, hearing the notification … “What’s this, she’s such a tease … OH !?!”
Disappointment immediately settles in, but the notification comes again … 
“Dalton, we need to get together … You owe us still,” is the last of the messages received. Scrolling further, he then reads the messages all of the way through angrily … His eyes flitting between his phone and Lia’s note …
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moonys-chocolate-bar · 2 months ago
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I’ll wait for you
Request: could you do a sirius x reader where she had a similar upbringing to him, where her family...wasn’t great...to her and she doesn’t plan on growing close to sirius, but he just...gets it? All of it—from her aversion to touch to her insecurities about dating and everything in between—and she’s so comfortable with him that she feels safe and loved and all that? sorry that went all over the place hahah
A/N: this was a draft I’ve had for a while so I decided to finally post it. The ships will all be finished between today and friday (hopefully my inbox doesn’t act up like it has been) Also, if you’d like to request anything for criminal minds, I’d love to start writing for that show.
harry potter masterlist
Pairings: Sirius Black x fem! reader
Warnings: fluff, mentions of family issues, maybe like one swear word
Word count: 1,477
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Potions class has always been a bore. You have always excelled in the craft of mixing ingredients to brew various potions so it seemed quite useless. However, the class was required so here you are, sat in the cold and depressing dungeons on a Thursday afternoon.
The weather outside suited the room very well, rain could be heard pouring down outside the castle even from the deepest depths of it. You had your quill in your hand, not even bothering to write down the notes on a stupid love potion.
Slughorn seemed to draw on and on about the uses of Amortentia. A potion you always hated. While girls at the front of the room twirled their hair between their fingers and gazed lovingly at boys across the room, you sat chewing some gum in the back, barely realizing anything going on around you.
Marlene Mckinnon and Lily Evans were seated next to you, Lily was scribbling words down a mile a minute, while Marlene was writing a couple of words down occasionally. "What's got you so down today princess?" Marlene whispers in your ear. You turn slightly to face the board so Slughorn doesn't suspect your up to anything before responding, "Love is stupid don't you reckon?"
"Definitely." She agrees firmly.
After what seemed like ages Slughorn finally finished talking about the potion. "I'm going to assign you all partners for a project outside of class, you will need to research some other types of potions, all of which are listed on the board."
The board was filled with random potions you already knew about. The project should be easy, so long as you get a decent partner. Hopefully not James Potter like last time.
"Evans and Potter." Marlene whistles as Lily sheepishly walks towards her partners desk. James shouts a loud thank you to Slughorn, who gives him a lopsided smile. "Mckinnon and Lupin."
"Looks like I got a smart one, good luck Y/l/n." You just roll your eyes before giving her a small smile. "Y/l/n and Black."
Your eyes widen a bit at the name you were just called with. Then the realization that your partner would be Sirius Black settles in and you groan lightly. This project would never get done, that's for sure. "This project is to be worked on outside of class only, it is due at the end of the month." Slughorn dismisses the class with a wave of his hands.
"So, how are you doing on this fine day love?" Sirius jogs up to you as you try to run out the door. You turn to face him as you walk towards the great hall. "Meet me in the library at like six? We can start then." And with that you walk into the hall.
-
Working with Sirius was proving to not be as bad as you thought. He was actually really smart and sometimes he even knew something you didn't.
It's been around a week since the first time you met, and every time Sirius is on time and focused- to the best of his abilities. Sometimes he'd get a bit distracted and start asking you questions about your family. You dodged those right away and changed the subject, something he noticed.
You walked into the great hall to see the owls just flooding in to drop off mail. You took a seat at your table and piled some eggs onto your plate. Just as you were about to take a bite a letter landed right in front of you.
Slowly, you picked it up and flipped it around, revealing your mothers name in dark black ink written on the front. You groan quietly at the sight of it.
The letter inside is one of the nastiest your mother has ever sent you. Blood traitor. Disappointment. You always try not to let the letters get to you, but this one was a lot. Two pieces of parchment filled with hatred.
You almost cancel studying with Sirius, but decide against it. He would probably come looking for you anyway.
As you enter the library you see Sirius and James seated at your usual table, both laughing loudly. When you take a seat James mumbles a hello before leaving, giving you and Sirius time to work on the assignment.
"Hey," Sirius smiles at you before pulling out his quill. "Hey Sirius." You mutter, pulling a book out from your satchel in the process. "You alright? Seem more down than usual Y/n/n."
"I'm okay Sirius, thanks for asking." You smile at him, a genuine smile. "I actually care about you, no need to say thanks." He chuckles lightly. You just roll your eyes before starting to read through the book.
You rummage through your bag for some parchment, pulling out a stack of it. What you don't seem to notice is the letter picking out between the pages, and Sirius eyeing it suspiciously.
"I need to go get a book, I'll be right back Black." You stand and head towards a specific shelf, stocked with various potions textbooks. "Don't take to long, I'll miss you too much darling." He calls out, chuckling as you flip him off.
While your still looking for a book, Sirius can't help but read some of the words on the note that is peeking out of the parchment. He notices how similar it is to the words his mother says to him. Almost identical really.
When he notices you walking back towards him he is quick to avert his gaze back to his parchment. You sit down, finally noticing the note sticking out. You sigh, a large sigh that has Sirius looking up with a frown. "Did you read this?" You question, strangely calm.
"W-what?" He stutters, something he almost never does. "Alright, look I only saw parts of it. But I understand, not judging you at all." He mumbles, almost too quietly for you to hear if it weren't for how silent the library is.
"What do you mean, 'I understand'" You narrow your eyes at him slightly, glaring intensely at the raven haired boy seated in front of you. "Look my mum is the same."
He didn't intend to tell you that detail about his life, but if it makes you more comfortable to open up to him, then he didn't mind.
You didn't really know how to respond, but the tears slipping out of your eyes were not controllable. "Hey, hey darling it's okay." Sirius tries to wrap his arms around you but you just nudge him off, flinching slightly at the contact.
Once you've calmed down Sirius is still there. You wipe the mascara that ran down your face off onto your sleeves and sniffle a bit. "That's was pathetic- gods I'm sorry-"
"Don't apologize, I've gone through the same shit, it sucks I know."
Ever since that day you and Sirius have been attached at the hip. Wherever you go, he goes, and vice versa. "Want to come to Hogsmeade this weekend doll?" Sirius questions as he wraps an arm around your shoulder, something you've grown more comfortable with lately.
"It can be as friends if your not ready for a date." He winks at you before speeding up his walking a bit. "Yeah, sure."
-
The hogsmeade getaway went lovely. You feel yourself falling for the boy more every day- something you never intended to happen, at all.
Your insecurities about dating seem to weaken the more Sirius smiles that smile that has girls falling at his feet. Or when he comforts you about letters from your mum. Or when he blows off his friends and pranks to hangout with you.
"That was fun Siri, thank you." You turn towards him, the pair of you had just pranked Slughorn together with the help of James' cloak. He faces you as well, your faces mere inches a part. Your breath hitches as you see him look down towards your lips.
"Can I kiss you?" He questions with a smile.
"Yes."
The kiss was everything you expected and more. Your lips moved together as you wrapped your arms around his neck, while his move to rest on your hips lightly. You rest your forehead on his as you break a part.
"I want to be your boyfriend Y/n, but I promise I'll wait if your not ready-"
"I am, I want to date you, it's just a bit new. Dating and touch is a bit scary to me." You cut him off as you use your hands to play with his hair. "Oi! Careful on the hair!" He huffs. You just giggle at him before leaning your head on his chest.
"And if we do start dating, I want you to know that you can always talk to me about anything. I'll always listen to you." He whispers into your ear. You just nod against his chest.
Who would have known the most boring class would lead to you finding someone who really understands?
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quiveringdeer · 2 months ago
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Below is a bunch of Bo Sinclair Simping convo with my darling @thesightstoshowyou Anyone can feel free to take these ideas and turn into fic or add your two cents to this thread cause I love interacting with y'all!!!
Gosh my lil BoBerry Biscuit. I just wanna hold him. Or more practically, get up extra early to make him breakfast before he goes into work and clean up that awful house so he can come back to a bright, clean environment and release all the stress of the day. uuuuugh discovering these men consistently makes me imagine and desire the life of a housewife soooooo bad. Like let me just have them as my purpose and focus instead of worrying about all the other things on my plate right now!! 🥺😫😫
Sights --- So, like, what if Vincent and Bo share a s/o? I can see Bo getting overly attatched when he catches feelings and he starts to, almost, regret or feel guilty for the way Vincent treats this s/o? S/O starts to crave the time they have with Bo because he’s actually more gentle because he loves them----
Turning the fanon trope and having Bo be the loving one who showers attention. Cause like he would, I think he'd involve the S/O in his life and activities more. Teach them to work on the cars, have them help him or give them one of the other stores to run they want. Spend time with them when visitors arent around.
Where Vinny is sooo intent on his craft he just doesnt think about them often. He's used to being alone and like it just as it is. But he does like the new physical gratification from them.wanting him
But maybe Vinny was actually the one to save the s/o from being killed and turned to wax. Because he found them so pleasing as a living doll, art work. And they showed him affection in order to save themself when generally people throw themselves at Bo instead. but then over time Bo actually has time to get to know them and falls for them hard. They're a passionate lover, which Vinny doesnt really know what to do with, but Bo thrives on
and because of the positive affection and attention from Bo they open up even more and start to carve out a space for themself in the boys' world. Cooking, teasing them. Woo stockholm?? possibly. Like they stop feeling so scared that they might change their mind and kill them
Like even striking up a friend ship with Les. and now the image of helping him bathe Jonesy and afterward, tipping Les into the kiddy pool and 'attacking' him with soap and water
i'm getting this idea of you and Bo havin some sweet one on one time. Maybe in the bed of his truck looking up at the stars, it's warm cause it's Louisiana, so of course. But yall are still kinda cuddled after just fucking and just letting the comfortable silence linger and he starts gettin all introspective and thinking how he would've missed out on this if vinny hadnt saved you. Because he's so hot headed and doesnt stop to think and just focuses on the thrill of the moment. But vinny thinks ahead to what possible outcomes could be. And what other opportunities has he missed out on cause of his brash behavior--maybe I'm giving our mans too much credit lol but whatever-- he may not voice it but he thinks on it and gets all pensive and scowly maybe.
Sights---I think Bo is a lot smarter than the fandom makes him out to be lol---
YEEEEEEES!!!! I love how on the same page we are 💕💕💕🥺
Also, thinkin about how Bo craves a legacy. Like even with his parents being awful, he keeps this town going for that connection to them. He could easily go off and find work elsewhere, he has practical skills to use for money making. But he knows/thinks he does, that vinny wouldnt have those privileges so they stay. But like I feel like having a kid could trigger him to want more outta life tbh
cause he wants them to have more. He doesnt want to risk ruining their life if they got hurt from all this, or found out
And like maybe he doesnt even think about it in reality, like it's deep in his mind but he keeps it in the back because how the fuck could he be a good father. he'd fuck that kid up for sure. But when it happens by accident!?!?! He's scared shitless but the idea of not keeping you and the baby happy and healthy doesnt even cross his mind.
nfjdjfhdkdhf
Bo in the baby isle at walmart trying to figure out what the fuck BPA free means. Or what diapers to get. And some women over there bein like awwww, you poor soul. First baby anxiety hn? Let me help
Sights---😭😭 OMG I can see it in my mind. He’s just scowling at the rows and rows of baby stuff----
Is it too far that I'm thinkin about him finding out, being completely at a loss for what to do or say, leaving for a solo drive to clear his head --cause god forbid he talk out his emotions like a woman 🙄 (oh our toxic masculinity boy--cause i means he's gotta retain some of that just from environment) --him going to the store to pick up some alcohol, standin there and starts thinkin about flashbacks to his childhood. dont think his dad was a drinker till maybe his mom died and then depression but also him being like, fuck how are we gonna afford a fuckin baby?? --he ends up leaving without buying anything. Goes to the walmart or whatever and is standing in that baby isle overwhelmed not just by the amount of things but also his own thoughts. --comes home an couple, few hours later with a load of baby products. Still doesnt talk out his feelings but he bought baby products and by those actions you know that means he's on board 🥺
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whimsycreator · 2 months ago
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Symphony Saga Resonate Arc 4 Chapter 1 OUTLINE
I’m skipping chapters big time. But I had this idea because Uta Utane randomly hates daruma dolls, according to the UTAU Wiki
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But another source says they apparently are her “trauma,” so I interpreted that daruma dolls are her trigger.
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Anyway, I ended up thinking about incorporating that in my fic’s universe, and then coming up with WHY her trigger is daruma, and a whole story came up about it...
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(Note: This takes place after Uta destroys Discord’s android operation, AND right after Taya and Saya are reunited.)
Uta has a new goal. She wants to become a musical artist, but feels discouraged wondering if she can make people happy with her music.
Taya, wanting to motivate Uta, has an idea of a gift to buy her. He buys her a dharma/daruma doll, a Japanese decoration.
Uta and Taya now live next to each other in the cozy building. Taya presents his gift to Uta.
“I bought you a gift! It’s called a daruma.” Taya says. “As you can see, the eyes are blank. You draw in one eye when you set a goal for yourself. When your goal is complete, you fill in the other eye. Here, I’ll give you a permanent marker.”
Taya doesn’t notice it yet, but Uta is shaking and getting a very painful flashback looking at the familiar shape of the toy.
Taya puts a permanent marker down on the counter.
“Uta, look.” Taya says. He pushes the daruma doll down with his finger, but it balances and comes back up. The way it comes back after being knocked over triggers traumatic feelings for Uta.
“See? Daruma dolls always get back up after being knocked down! So remember that whenever you’re feeling discouraged, okay?”
Taya notices Uta is silent.
“...Uta?” Taya says again. He looks at Uta and notices she is trembling with tears streaming down her cheeks. She wipes her face with her sleeve, and suddenly she’s hyperventilating as if she’s panicking.
“Uta? Are you okay?” Taya asks. Taya puts his hand on Uta’s shoulder, but Uta brushes him off. He notices an expression of fear is on her face as she backs away.
“Uta, what’s the matter? What’s wrong? You can tell me... please...” Taya offers comfort again in a calm voice. Uta shakes her head.
“No...” Uta manages to choke out. She begins to flee.
“Uta!” Taya promptly follows her in an attempt to calm her down, but sensing that his being there is only distressing Uta more, Taya lets her go.
“Uta...” Taya mutters. Once she’s out the door, Taya is left with worry and heaviness in his heart.
The shocking scene replays in his head a few times. Taya had never seen Uta in such a state before... He could sense every bit of her pain. But what could it have been? What could have triggered it?
Taya calls Ritsu on his cell phone. Ritsu hears the heaviness in Taya’s voice and figures out he’s about to cry. Ritsu tells Taya he’ll be there for him. Taya only gets a few words out before he starts crying over the phone.
After a few minutes, he calms down and tells Ritsu what happened.
“So... I got Uta a daruma doll and I showed it to her, if that part matters. I was in the middle of showing her that no matter what pushed them down, they get back up. I thought that would inspire her to always get back up no matter that pushed her down. But when I looked at her face, she was crying and hyperventilating... I tried to calm her down, but she began to panic and reject being comforted... It was if I was suddenly a stranger to her... It felt so scary. But I couldn’t imagine what it must’ve felt for Uta herself. I wonder what could’ve triggered such a response in her?”
“Hmm...” Ritsu starts thinking. “It sounds to me like Uta was having a panic attack. Was she acting as if the entire world was caving in on her?”
“Yeah...” Taya responds. “She kept trying to get away, so I just let her. Me being there only seemed to be stressing her out.”
“I see...” Ritsu says. “Perhaps Uta is just the type of person who prefers to be alone during times of distress. Or perhaps she just didn’t want you to see her in such a state. Either way, please don’t take it personally. Uta wouldn’t try to reject you on purpose.”
“Okay...” Taya says. “But... what could’ve caused her to panic? I hope I didn’t do anything to hurt her...”
Tears begin to pool in Taya’s as he recalls how painful Uta seems to feel.
“The last thing I want to do is hurt my dear friends.” He says sadly.
“Taya, based on what you said, I have a theory that maybe daruma dolls could be Uta’s trigger.”
“A trigger?” Taya asks. “Ah, you mean... like how I have a phobia of earthquakes?”
“Yeah, sort of like that.” Ritsu says. “A trigger is anything that brings negative feelings or flashbacks to someone. Even though daruma dolls are innocuous to you and me, a trigger could potentially be anything. I’m wondering if perhaps Uta had a traumatic experience in her past that had to do with daruma dolls.”
“Ah... that would make sense!” Taya says. “Poor Uta... Now I feel awful for hurting her.”
“Well, you didn’t do it on purpose.” Ritsu says.
“Well... what should I do now?” Taya asks.
“I say, give her some space.” Ritsu says. “Wait until Uta is willing to open up with her trigger and willing to tell you her feelings and confirm it. Don’t forget to apologize, and try to make her feel accepted.”
“Okay. Thanks, Ritsu.”
“Anytime.” Ritsu says.
“Um... Ritsu?” Taya asks. “You’re... a really good friend, you know? You may seem wild, but... you’re wise when it comes to this stuff, and really caring! So thanks!”
“Oh... it’s nothing really.” Ritsu says. “I just know how to deal with this stuff because... I know what it’s like. To deal with these emotions and stuff. But... I’m fine, really!”
“Oh... well, at least you’re ok now.” Taya says with a bittersweet smile. “Bye for now!”
“See ya!” Ritsu says.
They hang up.
It turns out Uta’s trigger of daruma dolls indeed has to do with a traumatic memory from her past.
Back when Uta still was a combat android on Discord, before she fled, she and a team of other combat androids were in a traumatic battle with a tremendous monster shaped like a daruma doll. The monster was ultra-powerful and seemed to never tire out.
Just like a real daruma doll, it would always get back up, no matter what pushed it down.
Many of the other androids succumbed to their battle wounds, or used up all their power and were wiped out, and could never be brought back.
The monster was eventually defeated, but not without a substantial amount of androids never returning to life. Uta was one of the lucky ones involved in the battle who survived.
Needless to say, Uta was incredibly traumatized. However, her feelings were never validated since she was treated as a machine. Also, even though the other androids didn’t have quite the same emotional capabilities, she could tell they were very traumatized too, and felt awful for them as well.
This arc will eventually be focused on Ritsu however, and reveal his depression and insecurities. Uta’s PTSD will also be a theme along with Ritsu’s depression. They will help each other grow and overcome their negative feelings.
(Note: Ritsu’s depression will NOT be due to transphobia, Whimsica notably doesn’t have it and I don’t really write it as someone uncomfy with it)
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