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lovelyyandereaddictionpoint · 1 month

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Can I request Hashira women x Male reader where the reader likes to play video games and ignores them

Obsessive Gamer Reader | Yandere Demon Slayer

You’re a real gamer! Eyes and mind locked into your game it’s easy to ignore the nagging of your partner. Whether you’re genuinely annoyed with them or you don’t do it purposely, you’re depriving them of the most important thing. You. Its definitely going to cause them to retaliate:

Mitsuri Kanroji

“Honey I’m ready to go out! What about you?”

Being met with silence doesn’t feel right to her

It makes her nervous

But she’ll try again

“Uhm babe? Babe? Honey?”

At this point she’s near tears hearing you call out to your teammates and still ignore her

She can’t blame you

No never!

It’s obviously that horrid game

With of ease she’ll skillfully smash your monitor or even slice it

“No worries, (Y/n) I’ll save you from it’s evil!”

Then she’s scooping you up and depending on your reaction she’s going with her original plan

If the spell is not broken and you angrily lash out at her

She’s grabbing you and putting you in timeout

Most like ropes while she stages an in-home dinner date

“Open wide my love! We’ll have to get that evil spell out of you!”

Shinobu Kocho

“(Y/n) you left your unfinished laundry in the hallway. We’ve spoken about it and I’m sure you don’t want my name embroidered in all your clothes.”

“Uh I’ll pick it up later.”

You speaking buys you time

But not for long

She’s closer this time standing above you with her usual blank smile on her face

If you ignore her again you’ll regret it

“(Y/n). Get off the game.”

You truly will regret it but not now

She’ll let you keep playing while she prepares to punish you

Happily angrily branding a syringe probably a paralytic drug

You’ll look up notice her sheer blood lust before she stabs it into your veins

Watching as you curl in on yourself by a slight stinging pain

But no worries she’ll prop you up so that you can watch as she easily finds the IP addresses of your teammates

Turning on the mic as she says them

Waiting until they all report and unfriend you

Deleting your save files and your gaming account

Before destroying your gaming console all in front of you

“I thought I taught you not to ignore me. It will never end well for you.”

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goldenchunkycat · 1 year

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Neteyam as your Alpha

[The format might be a lil weird since I’m doing this on the phone (which keep on deleting what I’m writing it’s pissing me off)… Might do a ‘.. as your Alpha’ serie watcha think ? Lo'ak is next, enjoy !]

Ok I just had this mind blowing idea who's actually not very original but still ! You're an alpha. Like, a big strong Alpha who's supposed to show the exemple and take care of the others. Spoiler alert, you're none of that. Yeah you're an Alpha, but you're not like the other Alpha. You're too shy to ask for more meat and too nice/scarred to go against anyone, Beta and sometimes Omega included. So you thought that you would end being the lone Alpha who can't attract anyone. And then you met Neteyam. He was an Alpha too, but instead of trying to assert his dominance on you, he became your friend, and later your mate.

When Neteyam heard about the 'fake Alpha' he wanted to meet them. How can an Alpha be fake ? And when he met you... Yeah, you were definitely not a normal Alpha. You did not tried to push your pheromones on him and instead tried to look as small as possible. You were quiet and nice, smiling to him when he subtly tried to submit you. Did you even notice ?

"So you're...an Alpha ?" "..." "Oh no, don't worry, you definitely...look like one..."

Neteyam would definitely be your friend not by interest but just because he finds you strange. Someone born with the Alpha gene couldn't possibly be that...submissive. It was strange. You were strange. But Neteyam also loved feeling on top. People always praised him for his skills, and so did you. But with you he felt more powerful. He felt like the world was in the palms of his hands. He was submitting an Alpha without even trying. So yeah, ngl, Neteyam kinda used you for his own peace of mind.

But the boy would slowly fall in love with you, with the way you would gently hold his hand or give him your food with a smile on your face. You were just like an Omega, but with the wrong status. The boy would probably be like "I can have a mate who's an Alpha but who behaves like an Omega, brilliant.". So he asked you out after months of knowing you. He did not courted you like an Alpha would usually do with an Omega, it just...happened. You would have a sleepover and BOOM, you wake up with his dick deep inside of your womb.

Neteyam as your Alpha would mean a lot and I mean A LOT of role-play. Dude wants you to act like the good Omega that you should have been and you oblige him. You don't ask him a lot regarding the fact that you don't feel the need to be protected, and it does not bother you to bend over or open your mouth. It's a win-win situation. When you're a good girl, Neteyam eats you out and focus on your pleasure and only yours; he does not edge you like he usually does and, conversely, overstimulate you until you're crying and pushing his hands off of your body. He just loves seeing his supposed big strong Alpha being so fucked out that she can't even talk. Because it’s a real kink in this blog Neteyam would praise you and call you his ‘good Omega’. The Alpha inside you absolutely hates it so you two just fight until he submits you (feral play). Did you know that the female tiger fight the male who tries to mount her ? Same here. But at the end of the day you’re still the ‘fake Alpha’ so you still end up on four, taking his dick as he’s ramming into you. Who would have thought ? Everyone.

"Beg for it, Love. Who’s taking care of you ?" "…" "That’s right, that’s ah- that’s my name."

"Big strong and scary Alpha taking her mate’s dick like a champ. Ngh- good Omega…"

"Trying to fight back ? Fucking submit, now. Oh ? You’ll regret it."

Masterlist

#avatar the way of water #avatar 2 #atwow #neteyam smut #neteyam #neteyam x reader #x reader #atwow x reader #atwow smut #golden’s brain is loading #atwow headcanons #neteyam headcanons

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philosophicalparadox · 7 months

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Hi! Non-native speaker, so I hope my English is not that bad. I really like your blog and especially your analyses on Mephisto. Fantastic!(read in his voice)

So my question.Have you read blue exorcist novel Bloody Fairy Tail? In the novel there is a part where little girl describes Mephisto as big void and the black wing towering over him. Do you think this could be a hint to his real form? Or perhaps his role as Angel of Death? Also there is part in the first chapters of the manga, when Mephisto meets with Amaimon and tells him that he took Rin under his wing. It might be just a translation though. Sorry for a long ask

After accidentally deleting this twice I’m going to try again! (New phone, still getting used to it)

I have not actually read the entire thing because finding any of the light novels in the US is really, really hard. Like, really hard. But I have actually read the part you’re talking about through fan pages here on Tumblr talking about that very thing! (And thanks to @facets-and-rainbows I’ve now been able to read more! Thank you.)

Here’s the thing: the only image that exists that depicts Mephistopheles in his pre-Goethe form is this one by Eugene Delacroix from the early 1800’s:

This version of Mephistopheles is from Marlowe’s 1616 version, The Tragical History of the Life and Death of Doctor Faustus. In it, (the B version) Mephistopheles is said to conjure wings in order to frighten the knights attacking him and Faustus, before turning said knights into demons (or animals in some translations) and giving them horns.

Mephistopheles is also a fallen angel, and uses that to both dissuade Faustus from forming a contract at the beginning, and later to help trick and torment the Pope in this version.

The inscription on it reads: De temps en temps j’aime a’voir le vieux Pére, Et me garde bien lui rompre en Visiére

Which roughly translates to (keeping in mind I’m still learning how to read older dialects of French) : “From time to time I like to see my old/winterly/ancient Father, and take care not to break off/sever with him in Person.” The caption probably is talking about the Pope scene, or maybe Faustsus’ separation from God, but to me it also speaks to the retribution of both.

Aaaaaanyway point is, it’s very popular to depict Mephistopheles as having black, feathery wings, partly because no matter what version he’s in he’s still a fallen angel lamenting his separation from God, (which isn’t especially relevant but it IS interesting) and also because the wings are mentioned directly in the earliest published version of the play.

What’s more, the original Mephistopheles from the late 1500’s (earliest record of the name was 1587) in the original Faustbuch was never a demon at all, but rather either an angel or a man that had been damned to serve Lucifer for all eternity by selling him his own soul, the reasons for which are never revealed. He does, however, from the very beginning, warn Faust about what he’s doing, and what that will lead to, presumably because he’s done the same thing and now regrets it. Fun stuff :)

As to whether I think it has anything to do with his true form, I would say yes, to a point. Samael is a shape-shifter after all, so not too many forms are out of bounds.

However, if he has wings (probable or at least possible) there’s some kind of reason why he doesn’t use them.

These are the closest we ever see to a demon form for him, and he’s… pretty formless, broadly speaking.

He is kind of void-like, true, and warps the space around him. But, no visible wings.

In fact the only wings we see him with are not his own - they’re that of his familiar, which is likely Kin of Azazel.

He can fly without any wings at all, (space timey levitation and all) so one would question why he’d need a familiar’s, never mind his own. Conservation of energy perhaps?

In any case I do think he CAN have wings, when he wants them, if that makes sense. Shape shifting is however tiresome, and flight requires a great deal of energy expenditure even if he’s not working against gravity in the traditional sense. So I imagine that he could use his own wings, or turn into a bird, but he doesn’t do so unless practical because it eats up his stamina, which he’s got little of comparatively.

Though honestly I’m more of the mind that he does shape shift all the time to observe things, (and what better form than a bird? He’s called The Raven too to boot) it’s just that turning into anything like that is going to terrify people, and unless that’s his aim, it’s not terribly reasonable. Similarly I am completely sure he has horns and a tail, but those things are very secretive to him, so he doesn’t show them hardly ever.

Why the girl sees wings may just be a reflection of her own fears; humans see what they want to, and fear-projecting wings into a creepy demonic aura would not be beyond a child.

As to why they might be secret, they’re probably very identifiable. In his current incarnation he thrives on secrecy and keeping his name, and infamy, on the down-low. He’s not trying to give Lucifer any more shit to throw back in his face, and he’s not trying to be a god and rule over people (not directly) he’s just trying to be a chairman and an arc knight keeping the world from literally gong up in flames, but doing so as close to anonymously as possible for himself. He doesn’t want people to fear him in the same way they used to (except when he wants them to of course) he just wants to do his own thing, and pretty much be left alone.

Not to get too speculative here, but I think perhaps he’s tired. Tired of being a god. Tired of being a demon. Tired of being Lucifer’s favorite scapegoat. (The irony of that) Tired of having to be a puppeteer and tired of having to serve the needs of others in order to just keep himself alive and sane. Tired of playing politics with Lucifer and tired of him never changing or being able to.

And who could blame him? Over and over and over and over. The monotony and pain are unimaginable. Perhaps that’s why Lucifer can’t understand him; surely if anyone could appreciate the suffering that comes from eternity and the pain of losing out over and over, it would be him, surely? Yet, Samael perseveres. He finds the smallest, most difficult things to cling to, like a desperate man panning for gold in a sea of sand, looking for specs of dust. He lives solely for those little moments, the butterfly wing that shapes a hurricane on the other side of the world. It’s monotonous, it’s tedious and it sucks, but rarely, ever rarely, it’s worth it. The world will never see perfection and he likes it that way - he doesn’t want perfection, only change.

And change is probably what drives his secrecy. He changes his face to suit the time, and in a time when demons supposedly don’t exist it makes sense to be discreet. There’s also advantages to the relative anonymity; if he does have to ever throw his weight around, he has to do far less to make a deep impression.

Thanks for the ask. I enjoyed answering even if I went a little off topic lol.

#blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #mephisto pheles #blue exorcist theories #asks

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dracocheesecake · 6 months

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Can I share here my Kai’s rambling but there’s mentions of death so if you’re uncomfortable with that pls just ignore or delete it below I may refer to reader as they

Platonic/father figure Kai and reader who died of injuries or of illness.. He didn’t expect things to go that way, or maybe he didn’t really want to think of it. You are mortal, such an outcome is anticipated sooner or later but why Kai feels so devastated? He didn’t think he’d become attached to anyone ever again, willing to care of someone. Yes he called you annoying often or was giving you ridiculous nicknames to piss you off but Kai’s other actions showed that he actually cared about you. Even though he never voiced that. He regrets it now.

He even thought of checking if you’re in the spirit relam now despite the fact that his escape from there costed him taking chi of ALL kung fu masters there. Oh wait, yes, there’s no guarantee that you’re there. Where are non masters go after death or how to get there? Kai doesn’t know. In the moment he just holds your still warm body close in his embrace, carefully, just like when you were alive. As you both spirits now Kai is struggling to find you and go on living like that or let you go.. Who knows, if he waits you will return one day

If they died of illness Kai’d be broken long before that moment. He even tried to give you chi but it didn’t work. He can only take it. All Kai can do now is taking care and treat you. He’s not that mean anymore, not when you have no time, you deserve peaceful ending after all

I’m hurting myself with my own writings why I am in such an angst mood😭😭😭

Oh no feel free to keep it coming! I love talking about Kai!

Alrighty let's see here...

...Why would you do this to me?! 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔 My heart! You owe me a new heart this one is broken!

Ahhhh I'm just imagining Kai trying to find a way to figure out where Y/N's soul went, and how he can get there, while knowing he probably can't, being immortal, but he's willing to try and bring them back, no matter how long it takes...but even worse is him watching them die, knowing that he can't prevent it.

When he realizes they're about to pass, he's suddenly so much kinder and softer towards them than he's ever been. He no longer raises his voice, or even tries to make them angry anymore- not even to tease them to amuse himself. He tends to them as best as he can, getting them water, wrapping them up if they're cold, changing bandages if they've been injured - overall treating them like a small child, showing them the care he's had for them deep down but never shown.

Then he's holding them close in their last moments, watching their chi fade away, but just desperately trying to heal them, to make them well, and finally breaking down in the end, begging them not to go, not to leave him...and after that horrible, final moment, still cradling them in his arms as he never did when they were alive.

#such good angst!#This actually made my day thank you! 😭#kung fu panda #general kai #platonic/fatherfigure!General Kai x reader #general kai x reader #ask #angst #tw: death #death

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fates-theysband · 8 months

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i caught a glimmer of what i was hoping to see

a fic loosely based on the events of literally every damb loop where i first learn to meditate in an outer wilds run. what if i ended up stranded on your island (and we were both loop aware theyliens 😳😳😳😳😳)

cws: none of this is actually Depicted but there's implications of asphyxiation and suicide as well as canon-typical mention of apocalypse scenarios

words: more than i planned! (1.8k)

Traveler’s Log, Loop #…I’ll figure it out later!

When I break this loop I’m probably REALLY going to regret putting this in my ship log. I can already hear Hornfels bending my ear for using a research and discovery documentation tool as my diary, but my options are writing it down or telling someone about it. And…well, Hal would tease me so hard I might actually die from it, I feel like it’d be really insensitive to tell Zirc something like this after what happened last time I stuck around Timber Hearth, and anyone else would be weirded out that I’m telling them something this personal. So I’m writing it down.

Let me set the scene. I’d finally managed to land on the Orbital Probe Cannon—trying to chase it down without getting caught in Giant’s Deep’s gravitational pull is hard enough but actually maneuvering yourself to land on the landing pad without breaking anything important? Forget it—and I was investigating inside when…I’m not proud of this, but I saw that weird cloudy moon again, and I realized the cannon was hurtling toward it. “This is great!” I thought to myself. “Landing on it with my ship didn’t work, but maybe if I were to jump out of that big empty spot where the tracking module broke off once the cannon gets close enough? I just gotta keep eyes on it…”

Bad news, it didn’t work. Something about getting close to the moon counts as “ceasing observation” whether you’re in your ship or not. And not only did it not work, but in the process of it not working I was left with my jetpack fuel running on empty so there was no way I was making it back to my ship unless I wanted to drain my O2 in the process. Good news, I didn’t drift off into space and get stranded again! Definitely didn’t need a repeat performance of loop 4. Dark side of the bad news, I did almost take an island to the face. Again. But this time it was flying up at me instead of falling down at me. Which I guess means it would technically be a different way to reset than I did before?

The point is, the island didn’t hit me this time. I was able to get a grip on one of the branches on a cliffside tree before it fell back beneath the cloud cover. Not a great situation, but it’s a lot better than being stranded in space or plummeting into the ocean with no landmasses in sight. I could climb down once the island could reasonably be considered terra firma and go from there. Not ideal, but I could probably recover?

Well, hypothetical future reader who hopefully will be post-loop me about to delete this and write in a real journal and not ground control thinking that this is going to lead to actual information Outer Wilds Ventures can use, the suffering did not end there! I’d been too busy, you know, hearing my heart pounding in my ears after the moon disappeared to notice any other sounds around me, nor did I really have a lot of time to look down before grabbing onto that branch, or figure out how far up I was, or check how sturdy the branch was, or make basically any judgments about whether this was really a better idea than getting stuck in space again, I just knew that it was an option that was not getting stuck in space again. Which was enough for me.

Anyway, the second the island hit the water, the branch I was holding on to snapped and I plummeted to a different kind of doom entirely–I somehow managed to not land on anything that would hurt me too bad physically, but…I feel like I’m going to die from embarrassment just typing this. I landed on Gabbro. Broke one of their hammock strings. Made them drop their flute, saw it get swept away in the few seconds the island went underwater, so I had that on my conscience too. Surprised I didn’t hurt them, or at least they didn’t give any indication that I did.

What’s even worse is that they were still cool about it. They just chuckled and said, “Hey, time buddy. Nice of you to drop in.” I’m sure they weren’t trying to twist the knife but stars above did it feel so much worse to hear them remind me that hey! If I’d embarrassed myself this bad in front of anyone else they’d at least forget once the sun went and everything reset, but there was nothing I could do to ensure Gabbro would forget this.

I was in a worse panic mode at this point than I had been when I was in space. I scrambled to my feet, reached down to try and help them up. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I? Oh, stars above, I’m so sorry, I don’t know how I didn’t see you, or hear you, or–”

They shook their head and made no move to stand up. “Relax, you just knocked the air out of me. And hey, that’s what I planted the trees to help with so, no big deal.”

“At least let me help you set your hammock back up, I feel awful for knocking it down like that. Oh, stars above, this is just like last year’s village fair all over again…”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. I don’t feel like getting up again,” they answered, putting a hand behind their head and relaxing more (which, it was wild to realize that Gabbro is capable of relaxing more than they already have whenever I see them). “And I heard they were able to patch that hole in the observatory roof just fine. You’d never be able to tell if you didn’t see it happen.” They patted the ground next to them and looked expectantly (I think? The helmets are polarized. Hard to tell what expression anyone is making) up at me.

“Whoever told you that was lying, it’s so obvious what happened.” I sat down next to them, drawing my knees to my chest. I could still hear my heart beating in my ears. “I…really don’t understand how you take everything so in stride. Even knowing it was an accident and everything’s going to reset, how aren’t you at least annoyed that I ruined your whole setup?”

They attempted a shrug–it didn’t look very much like one from the position they were in, but I got the point. “What would that do? I’ll wake up in a few minutes and have to set the whole thing back up anyway. Until then, the sand is soft, and my flute’s probably hanging out with my ship somewhere, so it’s not lonely. And you’re here with me, so it’s a fair trade.”

I could have passed out. I feel like I’m going to pass out typing this down after the fact. What did they mean, “and you’re here with me, so it’s a fair trade”? I definitely couldn’t say anything normal in response to that–I think I tried to but I made some kind of weird choking noise instead before spluttering out “Thank you.” Not my finest…er, 22-minute loop period.

Gabbro snickered a bit as they sat up, just enough to meet my eyes. “You are so welcome, buddy. And, uh, by the way…what were you doing in that tree?”

“I did something stupid and dangerous that I thought would work, it didn’t, your island was in grabbing distance, and I figured it was better than drifting out to space and emptying both my tanks chasing after the probe cannon to get back to my ship.” I could feel my face burning as I quickly rushed the explanation out. They probably weren’t going to say any more extremely sweet things to me after hearing that.

“Wow,” they responded, lying back down. “Wish I could think on my feet like that. I’d probably still be up there if that was me. Then I’d have to use my secret technique to skip to the end.”

I stood extremely corrected. And also a little alarmed. “That’s…kinda morbid.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not what you’re thinking. I meditate. It’s a lot less painful.” They went quiet for a moment, as if they were thinking about something. “How long has it been since you woke up?”

“Like…between getting here, exploring the probe cannon, my little ill-fated spacewalk, and running into you, I’d say at least seventeen minutes?” I looked up at the sky as though I’d see anything but clouds. I didn’t. “I can’t see the sun so it’s hard to tell.”

“Want me to teach you? Shouldn’t take long. You seem like you could use the mental break.”

They had me there. It was kinda sad to think about cutting it short when I’d finally gotten to a point where I wasn’t convinced they thought I was a loser and a terrible astronaut, but hey. If nothing else, I could rest assured neither of us would forget. I nodded. “Yeah, go for it.”

“Cool. Just lay back and close your eyes,” they said, already seeming to slow down their breathing.

I obliged, stretching out from my curled up sitting position and lying down on my back next to them. They were right. The sand was soft. I was closing my eyes as I felt something wrap around my hand, and turned to notice Gabbro’s hand in mine.

It was hard to tell with the helmet, but they turned their head away in what I thought (hoped?) might have been shyness or embarrassment. “Oh. You know, in case the island gets flung into space again. Don’t wanna get separated.”

For the first time since this loop began, I smiled. “Yeah. Would defeat the purpose of the whole exercise.” I turned my head back to face the sky and gave their hand a squeeze as I closed my eyes again. “What’s the next step?”

“Only other step there is. Take deep, slow breaths. Match my breathing, if you want. It’ll be the next loop before you know it.”

I don’t know how long the two of us laid there, breathing in sync, slowly, gently. I know that when I opened my eyes I was on Timber Hearth, looking up at Giant’s Deep, watching the cannon explode again. And I know that Slate made some remark about how I must have had a good dream because I was smiling when I got up. And I know…

Oh, stars above, how long have I been writing this? The sun’s huge. There’s no way I can get anything done this loop. Time to see if that technique will work again. Tourmaline out.

#questionable writing tag #c: 🌴#i will not elaborate on the village fair thing because it's funnier to not know

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solojihyo · 1 year

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this is probably going to be the last post i make on the matter but i just want to say a few things. i think it’s really telling how everyone will agree whitewashing is bad but the moment a bigger cc does it, it’s considered okay. everyone will agree that pocs need to be listened to and not spoken over when it comes to issues like these, but that changes when your friend is the one who does it. it’s really something that people are more hellbent on hating on someone for calling them out - after having been given several chances and having been talked to by other content creators in private - rather than reflecting on why they were called out in the first place. blatantly lying about having been talked to to save face? claiming to have deleted a whitewashed post as soon as that ask was sent despite it actually having been deleted over a month later, and only doing so when a net admin brought it up? not a good look either. the only reason why the call out post was made was to make other people aware of the issue. i never insulted anyone in the post i made; i asked for accountability. but it’s so telling how little people actually care about whitewashing because i’m being insulted left and right - not because of the whitewashing, but because i made the post in the first place. i love how people are assuming i didn’t try handling it in private first. if people are so mad about the callout, then you should reach out to me. i’m more than happy to talk (though i know you won’t, because it’s very telling how i haven’t gotten a single hateful message since i turned off anon).

i don’t give a shit if you’re so hellbent on defending whitewashing. the saddest part, though, is that in the end kpop idols are pocs, and it’s unfortunate that people don’t even care enough to protect them. you can say all you want about making gifs with pretty sharpening and coloring, but if you don’t bother to protect pocs from very real world problems like colorism, then what’s the point. giffing takes a learning curve. no one expects you to be perfect from the start. even experienced ccs are allowed to make mistakes. but people do expect you to learn and to hold yourself accountable, and to be willing to take feedback. if you don’t want to do that, and instead choose to think you’re perfect all the time and are doing absolutely nothing wrong, then that’s on you.

i don’t regret making the callout post. it’s actually helped me see a lot of people’s true colors, so thank you for that! i blocked a bunch of people today. you can call me and my mutuals and followers elitist all you want, but it doesn’t change how most people feel about a very prevalent issue within the kpop community. hold yourself and your mutuals accountable. if, as a cc who creates for pocs, you can’t even be bothered to do that, then i don’t even know what to say at that point.

#isai.txt #okay to reblog if you want

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imagineitdearies-old · 1 year

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Question: Are we going to get a glimpse of what’s happening with Rhaenyra and Alicent in Duty and Sacrafice? Because i’m just as invested in them as I am Aemond and Luce at this point.

Ya know, I’ve begrudgingly been coming to terms with the fact that I might need to make this a series, just so I can add drabbles/deleted scenes/Rhaenicent snippets.

The whole reason I extended D&S is because I got too obsessed with the Rhaenicent and Lucemond parallels, and didn’t want my girls to not have a hopeful/happy ending too. And yet it’s only making me want to flesh out their side of things more, I’ve even written a few (unfinished) scenes!

So to answer, yes, I do think you can anticipate a glimpse into what’s going on with them beyond what Aemond's POV in D&S. Probably after I finish it, so buckle in for a wait.

But in the meantime, here’s a glimpse of a glimpse:

“I noticed Aemond under the weirwood this morning,” Rhaenyra remarked over breaking fast a week after their sons’ wedding. Her violet eyes glinted, pleased, though Alicent wasn’t sure quite yet why. “Does he frequent that garden?”

Alicent sipped from her goblet, prolonging her time to answer. “I took the children there to picnic on occasion, once you all left,” she admitted after a moment. “Helaena liked the insects; Aegon liked the attention. Aemond…he used to say his mind went quiet there. It must still.” Then she added more dismissively, “It’s a time they all look back fondly on I hope, despite everything else.”

Despite the sudden estrangement from their nephews, the increasing negligence of their father, and Alicent’s own frayed mental state with her uncle sending constant missives and messengers about seizing their chance after Rhaenyra left the Red Keep.

Despite the stitches still fresh in Aemond’s listless face.

She gave up the habit when the drinking habit becoming a drinking problem for Aegon, after he and Helaena were wed, and the nonsensical whispers of her daughter turned to shrieking in the night. Neither of them were willing to go, after that, and with Viserys more and more often abed, Alicent became too busy running a kingdom.

“And you?” Rhaenyra raised a brow, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

Alicent felt a quiet, wistful sort of melancholy, remembering the girl she used to be under that tree. “I have…mostly fond memories there, yes.”

She watched Rhaenyra’s face quickly grow sober, and was quick to grasp the alpha’s hand—an affection they’d reclaimed with one another with a surprising sort of ease, this past month.

“Some I’m not proud of,” Alicent continued, grateful when Rhaenyra squeezed her hand back. “You didn’t deserve my ire, after you proposed to Harwin. It was not my place—“

“I still shouldn’t have said what I did,” Rhaenyra shook her head, surprising Alicent. “I had gotten defensive, but it still was wrong. And I was too proud to apologize, later—but I regret it every day.”

What does it matter if I can’t birth a child? I’ll marry Harwin, and use an omega surrogate like the Valyrians of old. What else do omegas want marriage for?

Alicent laughed sadly. “And then I called you a knotless alpha that wouldn’t have any trouble birthing pups like the worst kind of omega whore.”

“You were right on both accounts, though,” Rhaenyra answered in a dry tone. She rubbed her free hand over her own stomach with a soft smile.

“No,” Alicent said, still holding tight to Rhaenyra’s other hand. “I don’t think I was right about anything, in those days.”

She stiffened when Rhaenyra raised their entwined fingers, the alpha pressing a kiss to the back of her hand.

It’d happened more and more, recently—mostly when Rhaenyra greeted her or said goodbye. Quite memorably, the night of their sons’ wedding. When Rhaenyra found her tearing off whole pieces of skin from her nail beds, numb to the blood staining her lap, the alpha entwined their hands and pressed kisses to each bloody finger. She swore they made the right decision for their sons and the realm. That Lucerys and Aemond were both ready to do their best by each other. Then she kissed Alicent’s hand one last time—in the center of her palm—before leaving for the night.

Alicent would never get used to it. Wasn’t sure she was supposed to grow comfortable with such blatant affection from an alpha, even if it served her ends at the moment. They were both unmated now, it was true, if only for the last moon in Alicent’s case.

But it wasn’t the short time since Viserys’s death that made her uncomfortable—42 days, not that she’d been counting—it was the knowledge that she’d wanted Rhaenyra’s affection over her own alpha for all twenty four years, three moons, and 15 days of their marriage.

Most likely her entire life.

And for twenty four years Alicent had no intentions of facing that truth, till now.

#rhaenicent #lucemond #shit I wrote #drabble #I have so many ThoughtsTM about these two #definitely worth exploring after D&S is finished #ask me shit #D&S drabbles

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sharpth1ng · 1 year

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h!iii!! I’m new here and I recently watched SCREAM 1 and damn, I’m obsessed with these two. I also read all of fics about them and your one is my FAVOURITE!!!💔💔💔I would like to ask you, how you headcanon(or just see) Billy and Stu relationship from what we saw on film. Popular opinion that Stu was into Billy and Billy wasn’t (respectfully disagree-Billy was a manipulator but I still see by some of his looks and interactions with Stu that he was at least very hot to Stu and cared on his own weird way), some people say they probably had a weird codependent shit going on, some think they were ready to betray each other’s and nothing more. What you think about “canonical” Billy and Stu??

Omg I wrote such a long response to this an tumblr crashed and deleted it so now I gotta re-write and it’s not gonna be as good I’m sorry. But welcome to the fandom anon! Thank you for the appreciation!

I see movie them as pretty similar to the way I’ve written them tbh, I was trying to stay as close to the characterization in canon as I could.

But I think both of these boys have issues that in some way or another means they get something emotionally satisfying out of the other. Like Billy has mom abandonment issues and clearly has social issues, and there’s Stu, literally always by his side when he can be and down for pretty much anything Billy does. When you’re an abrasive person it’s really comforting to have someone who isn’t pushed away by that.

And Stu clearly didn’t get enough attention growing up, his parents are gone the whole movie and it’s implied they’re just gone a lot in general. I think he’s a little desperate for it, and in combo with falling in love with his best friend a little he’s down for whatever.

It’s also just moments like the kitchen and the video store, Billy only seems to genuinely enjoy himself and let loose in Stu’s presence. It’s the way they bounce off each other’s banter and how physically in-sync they are with each other (until shit starts to go wrong and they’re obviously panicking).

Like when Stu comes up behind him and puts his chin on his shoulder, that’s a visual reference to The Thing With Two Heads but also Billy doesn’t move away, doesn’t seem startled, doesn’t even look back, he actually leans back into Stu, and that tells me this is far from the first time they’ve been that physically close with each other. Maybe it’s just me and my touch issues, but I would have to be so damn comfortable with someone for them to be able to come up behind me and touch me and not flip at least a little.

They know each other really well, they’re able to play off of each other to mess with people, and they’re constantly looking at each other when they’re doing it, because they like doing it together. Also just all the moments where Billy looks at Stu like he’s going to eat him alive lmao (when he’s about to stab him lol, when he like strokes his chin with the knife). He looks horny as hell lmao.

So yeah, this doesn’t feel one-sided to me, I think Billy is just extremely repressed, and I think seeing himself as a manipulator makes him more comfortable. I think he might betray Stu in a moment of anger and emotional defensiveness but I think he would regret it later even if he wouldn’t admit it, but I don’t think Stu would betray him.

Also the writer of the screenplay himself has said he accidentally wrote a bunch of gayness into the film because he was closeted himself at the time so y’know

#ask #movie canon opinions #stuilly

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veinsfullofstars · 2 months

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⭐ Welcome! ⭐

Henlo. Hope you’re doing well. Thanks for poppin’ by. I’m Veins, an art goblin on the internet with abnormal levels of anxiety and chronic video game brainrot, and this is my introduction post. Any updates or news on my end will be added here as well. I hope you’ll be patient with me and enjoy your visit!

(Last updated 04/20/24)

---

Who are you?

What an existentially upsetting question. Well, for the moment, I go by VeinsFullOfStars online, usually shortened to just Veins. I’m also toying around with Ivan or Yves, but Veins is the most preferable. Nice to meet you!

Wait, didn't you already have an account here? With the same username?

I did. I, uh, panic-deleted it in response to the data-scraping fiasco and regretted it almost immediately. As a result, you might see reblogs from the deactivated account still floating around. There is, unfortunately, nothing I can do about those unless the blogs that shared them take them down themselves (and, hey, if you happen to be one of those folks seeing this, I'd super appreciate it if you'd maybe remove the old reblog and replace it with the new one from here if you can). It's my mistake for overreacting, and now I just have to live with it. Sorry for any confusion.

What does your username mean? Where did it come from?

It’s an altered version of a pen name I used in my teen years. I’m too embarrassed to get into specifics, but just know that it comes from a place of very sincere cringe and leave it at that.

What are your preferred pronouns/gender?

Thanks for asking! I’m non-binary, and I use they/them pronouns.

How old are you?

Ancient (in my 30s).

What is your avatar supposed to be?

A goblin. Very smol, very nervous, very puntable.

What are you using this blog for?

Art, mostly. I like to draw digitally and sometimes make stuff with yarn. I've also been writing since I could hold a pencil (though I don’t have much finished, so art will be the main focus for now). Also, expect a lot of reblogs, shitposts, and/or silence between posts - I am a simple hobbyist with a lot of brain nonsense and IRL hurdles. I’ll do my best to post with some regularity, of course, but - again - I hope you’ll be patient with me if things go quiet from time to time.

What are your interests?

I love stories. I love characters. I love folks who can weave whole worlds with nothing but words on a page or color on a canvas. I grew up on fantasy novels, short horror stories, and late ‘90s/early ’00s animation. I learned to appreciate slice-of-life and slow-burn romance much later. Mythology and folklore also slaps, and I wonder sometimes if I should’ve majored in psychology instead of lib arts. My playlists are nothing but video game OSTs with a little heavy metal and j-rock sprinkled in for flavor. I sold my soul to Nintendo years ago, but sometimes I find indie darlings to fall in love with for a time. Dogs are adorable little menaces, and I love them all with my whole chest. Cats are okay, and I am allergic to them. (Does that answer the question? I think I lost track towards the end there…)

Any current hyperfixations?

Tons, but the biggest ones at the moment are Kirby, Hollow Knight, and Paper Mario. More nebulous interests include (in no particular order) Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky, Rain World, Stardew Valley, most Soulsborne titles, Hades, Darkest Dungeon, Good Omens, The Legend of Zelda, Undertale/Deltarune, OFF, The Binding of Isaac, Ace Attorney, Animal Crossing, The Magnus Archives, Sonic the Hedgehog, and countless more. When I say “multifandom,” I mean it, homie.

Do you have any other social media?

Just this and an AO3 account. So, if you see my name anywhere but these two places, it’s probably not me. For now, Tumblr will be the best place to keep up-to-date with my stuff. If anything changes, I’ll let y’all know here.

Do you have a list of tags you use on your posts?

I tag things obsessively, but I’ll try to sort out the most relevant/unique ones I use here:

#veins art - for any art I’ve made (chrono link)

#veins old art - for reposts of older art I made before moving to Tumblr (Note: these posts are here for archival purposes and may not reflect my current style/interests.)

#veins sketches - for any of my unrendered doodles/sketch dumps

#veins ocs - for art I’ve made featuring my original characters/stories

#veins fanart - for art I’ve made featuring characters from other IPs

#veins writes - for any written works I’ve made

#veins ships - for any posts (reblogs included) featuring romantic pairings; I will also try to include specific pairings as “#(blank) x (blank)” and/or any ship names

#veins rambles - for random thoughts/text posts

#veins in dream land - for any rambles/headcanons about the Kirby series specifically

#veins answers - for any of my responses to asks sent in (chrono link)

#veins reblogs - for anything I reblog, obviously

#kirbtober 2023 - for my Kirbtober 2023 art specifically (chrono link)

#childhood friends au - for art from my Kirby AU where Dedede and Meta Knight first met as kids (masterpost | chrono link)

#kintsugi au - for art from my Kirby AU centered around the Mirror World, the Wave 2 gang, and the Darkroach ship - warning: contains angst and some suggestive content (masterpost | chrono link)

I’ll update this with new tags if/when they pop up. Anything else will have generic tags to fit the context of the post. I also mark trigger warnings with tags like “#(blank) tw” if necessary.

What do you use to make your art?

For digital art, I use Clip Studio Paint and a Wacom Intuos Pro S drawing tablet (that I'm pretty sure I've had since high school). I don’t draw traditionally as much anymore, but, when I do, it’s usually just quick sketches with pencil and paper. For writing, I use TextEdit or whatever generic rich text editing software I can find. For crafting, I use yarn and plastic canvas.

What brushes do you use?

For sketching and linework, I generally use the Wick Pencil from the 8 Particle Pencil catalog made by saturns_day. For flats and rendering, I use the default CSP hard round brush, airbrush, and G-pen. For effects and extras (clouds, textures, sparkles, etc.), I use default effects brushes or whatever I can find from the CSP Asset Shop.

Can I share your work through reblogs? And are tags okay?

Of course! Reblogs are absolutely fine and always encouraged. I’m also fine with tags as well (though I ask that you not mark anything as a ship unless I’ve marked it as such on the original post - look for the tag #veins ships if you’re ever unsure).

Can I repost/use your work for my own personal/commercial use?

Absolutely not. While I am always in support of creators inspiring each other with our works and endeavors, that does not mean anyone should engage in art theft (intentional or otherwise). Under no circumstances may you repost, reupload, reproduce, copy, trace, modify, sell, use, tokenize, scrape/integrate into A*I, and/or otherwise claim as your own any of my art/written works. Never assume a piece of art shared online in yours for the taking - that is someone else’s hard work and passion, and you need to respect that.

Can I dub one of your comics?

As flattering as that would be, I worry about lack of credit or my work being stolen for others’ content, so I sadly have to say no.

Why is there a big watermark on your art?

The state of the internet today has made me extremely paranoid about things like art theft, bad-faith reposts, nonconsensual integration, etc., so I make sure to sign and WM anything original I post. I know it’s not exactly fun to look at (maybe even distracting or bad for engagement), but I’d rather be safe than sorry, so I guess I’ll just have to take that hit.

Do you have an askbox? Can we send in questions/comments/etc.?

Yes, the ask box is currently open, and I'm more than happy to receive any questions, comments, etc. you guys might have (even if it makes me a bit nervous, haha)! I just ask that you read the rules first before you submit anything.

Do you take requests/commissions/suggestions/collabs/etc.?

Sadly, I do not take art requests or suggestions unless I put out a specific call for them. I'm also not really in a position to take commissions either. Collabs I'm on the fence about - maybe with mutuals or folks I know personally.

Is this an inclusive space?

Of course! This queer little goblin accepts everyone under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, along with folks of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds, disabilities, and colors. That said, there will be absolutely no tolerance for (inhale) racism, sexism, transphobia, queerphobia, xenophobia, misogyny/misandry, bigotry of any kind, ableism, p***philia, inc*st, selfc*st, z**philia, RPF, trolling behavior, self-promotion, the promotion of N*FTs or A*I art, or any otherwise harmful, toxic, or hurtful rhetoric. Anyone seen behaving as such will be blocked, reported, and forgotten. :)

Is this an all-ages space?

Hmm… I’m gonna have to say no. While I probably won’t be posting/sharing anything too lewd or graphic, I’m not opposed to things like swearing, angst, fluff bordering on suggestive, and discussions of mature subject matter (all of which I will make sure to tag with content warnings as necessary). Obviously, I can’t police everyone who wanders into this blog, especially since some people omit or lie about their ages online, so the best I can do is ask for good faith on your part. If you are under 18, interact at your own risk. The last thing I want is to make anyone (myself included) uncomfortable because there are kids in an adult-allocated space. Again, I hope you understand.

What is your stance on shipping?

The vernacular around pro- or anti-shipping confuses the hell out of me, so I’ll just try to explain my personal philosophy on it: I have ships I like, ones I’m indifferent to, and ones I won’t touch with a ten-foot pole. I only reblog (and tag) ship-related content I’m in support of, even if it’s not one of my personal favorites. Most importantly, I don’t bother others about their personal preferences. Anything I don’t like or don’t support, I simply do not engage with. Or, if it makes me too uncomfortable, I block outright. The same should apply to your experience as well - if you ever see ship stuff here that you don’t like, feel free to block the tags (look for specific pairings, ship names, and/or my personal tag #veins ships) or even the blog entirely. You are not obligated to like the things I like or engage with media you don’t enjoy. Respect for each other and curation of your personal online space is always key. Additionally, I 100% will not ship minors, blood relations, self x self, anything relating to b*stiality, or anything relating to RPF.

Are you okay?

No, not even a little bit... but fuck it, we keep going.

Why do you put a comma before the “and” in a sequence of three or more words?

You can take my Oxford comma away from me when I’m cold, dead, and rotting in the dirt.

Is there anything else?

Nah, I think we’re good for now. Thanks for taking the time to read all this. Hope it wasn’t too rambly or weird - just trying to cover all my bases. I hope you all have a lovely timezone out there, wherever you are. Be sure to wash your hands, wear your mask, and stay hydrated. Remember to be strong, be safe, and, for the love of dog, be kind. Peace!

-Veins (originally posted 08/07/23, reposted 02/29/24, updated as of 04/20/24)

#veins rambles #introduction post #FAQ #disclaimers #long post #check for updates #veinsfullofstars

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cbsghostsmetasandtrevor · 6 months

Text

CBS Ghosts - Hello! - Haunting Regrets

Warning - Spoilers May Appear.

Thor seems to be the only one excited about this.

Plan is working! Meanwhile, look at everyone else’s faces. Hetty’s in the window, clearly worried about Sam, and everyone else looks disappointed and upset.

I love how Sass points out how terrible it is and both Trevor and Flower are sitting rather close together and upset. It's clear that they definitely feel bad about the situation.

OKAY OKAY! Isaac doesn’t care - he’s too upset about Hamilton. I like the way that he’s sitting - it’s the same way that Trevor sits in TB when he’s sulking and upset.

On the other hand, Isaac shouldn't you care A LITTLE about Sam?

Also, notice that Trevor and Flower are also leaning back in a somewhat sulking manner. Isaac sulking is surprisingly adorable. We should see this more often.

Side note - anyone wonder if he sulks when Nigel comes and goes during their “keeping the peace talks” over the years? I'm willing to bet that he does.

I love this - Alberta calls Isaac ‘Soldier Boy’ - which makes me wonder how close they actually are. (We see hints of a rivalry and a deep friendship in later episodes of season 2, so very curious). Meanwhile Trevor’s got no issues talking about how he used his power for Isaac. This is a subtle flex. He wants the praise.

I wonder if the reason that Trevor mentions this BECAUSE he’s the one that COULDN’T get his power to work during the ‘Haunting’ and so he’s like ‘SEE I’m not as useless as you all think.’ (Even though I am certain that NONE of the ghosts would give him trouble about that - it's just an insecurity thing).

I like that he’s picked up on Jay’s name and seems okay and not as tired as the other ghosts are when they use their power. He's pretty strong.

I like how Isaac doesn’t downplay Hamilton’s accomplishments, even though he could have. Instead, he admits that he’s impressed almost.

(Mind you - I wonder if Trevor would’ve just agreed or disagreed knowing how terrible Isaac’s feeling?) I’m sure that he would’ve let Isaac tell the lie (since he lies about his pants - which is stupid, let’s face it). Just because he knows that Isaac may need that to feel better.

Trevor’s just like “yeah, you know where this is going.” Isaac Higgintoot is 15 letters AND Trevor would've had to delete Hamilton's name. So that's ALOT of WORK.

Sass and Alberta look like they know that it wasn’t much (they’re so side-eying Trevor here) and even Flower’s like ‘aw’. Visually, I really like that image of Trevor and Flower on the couch. They’re kind of cute together.

But I also like the four of them on the couch together because they just fit well.

OMG! Trevor is like panting and breathing heavily. Meanwhile, Isaac could care less since he’s like ‘I’m a footnote’. Interesting thing here is that Isaac apparently thought he did enough to be in history books? Despite the fact that he wasn’t really around in certain situations - like the ones listed in the history books?

Is it possible that he'd been lying to himself all this time?

Side note - he thanked Trevor, right? Because somehow, I imagine that he doesn’t because he’s disappointed in the results, in which case, poor Trev. He literally worked for hours to type that up and look for him and he’s panting as if he’s run a race and Isaac’s just like “this is it???”

I mean, I still feel bad for him, especially here. He’s like “I’m rarely mentioned - only one FOOTNOTE”... on the plus side, I LOVE ‘I’m literally a footnote in history’ is a hilarious line. I also like that he’s just laying back totally not himself. It shows how deeply affected he is by it. I wonder if it’s making him flash back to getting into the ‘Free Masons’ and being excluded or if he puffed up his importance after his death and bought into his own hype.

Maybe after he died and he had to stay with Thor/Sass who probably gave him a hard time about his death and seeing Nigel (who he killed), made him hype himself up to feel better? I mean, he is really into being considered their leader. He wants and expects the respect.

LMAO - Pete tries to make him feel better and Trevor’s making a joke that his school was a not as good school.

I feel like part of the reason he does this is

A) because it’s too sad and serious (which we know that he doesn’t like Ala ‘this {talking about my death with my parents} is so depressing - talk about something fun’.

B) because Isaac might not of thanked him for his efforts.

and / or C) because he’s feeling bad about his idea driving Sam crazy and wants it to be funny. He doesn't want to think about his guilt.

Trevor very much likes avoid sadness - he’s the fun-loving frat boy and wants everyone to be happy and have fun, so I could see his ‘jokes’ as an attempt to deal with that.

OMG THOSE SIDE EYES. Flower and Sass are just like “the fuck you doing boy”. Flower may also be regretting sitting so close to Trevor right now.

I wonder if aside from Maybe Pete, any of them know what a “safety school” is? Does Trevor making this joke make any sense to them? Also, it’s telling of Trevor’s intelligence that he thinks Dartmouth is a safety school.

According to Google (because Google is right about everything) - Dartmouth in an Ivy League school started in 1769, with their admission requirements basically being a Straight A average and top twenty-five placement in their graduating class. They require recommendations and high test scores and 6% admission rate.

IDK what it was like in 1987 when Trevor would’ve graduated HS and gone to college, but I can’t imagine it was some terrible choice. So, this says ALOT about Trevor’s intelligence (which often gets ignored because his dumbass decision when he died).

But again, would ANY of the ghosts even know what a ‘safety school’ is?

It’s so interesting that Isaac has never mentioned musicals or that the three on the couch seemed ‘surprised’ that he’s really into the musical thing.

Again with these three - Isaac acts like it should be such a surprise, but Sass is just like “huh, military type = Isaac, yeah no”.

Flower is nodding along eagerly - IDK if she’s confused at this point or mocking him a bit.

Trevor’s just like “Yeah, Bro. Totally.” He's the type to tell people what they want to hear.

And Isaac has no idea. It’s so funny. I wonder what Alberta was doing here - she, Thor and Hetty are in the room, but aren’t seen at this point.

I love this move by Isaac - it’s AWESOME. IDK what it is but there’s just something about it that I like.

And lastly, we have Pete. Not at all surprised either and not knowing what to do.

ANYWAY, the most of the ghosts are feeling bad. While some are rather focused on themselves, but no worries guys - your new best friend will be back soon!

Thanks for reading!

Feel free to discuss.

#cbs ghosts #ghosts cbs #Hello!#trevor lefkowitz #isaac higgintoot #sam arondekar #alberta haynes #sasappis #hetty woodstone #Flower #Thor #pete martino

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leopardom · 6 months

Text

man what a week

it started like shit with that anon on Monday that sent me into a full breakdown and insecurity crisis

same thing continued on Tuesday and even though i thought getting my hands on my new (refurbished because bitch is not a millionaire) phone would help a bit, it didn’t. and i also got my period and had to go work with the cramps killing me

i slept all day on Wednesday because i was so damn tired both physically and mentally and when i was awake all i did was to cry

on Thursday another wave of insecurity crashed on me and i started questioning the stage of my depression because things lately are not good

and today i thought that work would be the most tiring thing but it wasn’t. all day i’m thinking about everything and nothing at all and wow what a great time to feel like i’m bothering every single soul on earth with my existence. i went to a gig earlier tonight and i thought it would kinda lift my spirits but it didn’t. i was late, i forgot my earplugs home and now my left ear hurts and is ringing, i was all by myself in a crowd full of 40+ year old metalheads and got extremely alert and uncomfortable from a point on so i left after the second support act. and on my way home i realised that the mic on my new refurbished phone is faulty and so is probably the camera and i wanna cry. and all the overthinking about the phone led to me overthinking about everything regarding my life and my choices and my luck etc etc and honestly i just wanna off myself

and to top it all i also came to the realisation that maybe i will need to change therapist because the form of therapy i’m on now has given me everything possible and i feel like i need to dig deeper in myself and my current therapist doesn’t specialise in that type of therapy. and even the thought of changing therapists is exhausting and it’s already draining me.

and now i’m sure my depression worsened again and i’m probably at the stage i was right before getting on meds. and i’m ashamed. i shouldn’t be, but i am. because i was doing better and now i’m to rock bottom again. and i’m alone and i’m scared and i just need someone to hug me and help me or whatever. i don’t want to be like that. i want to be happier, i want to be less insecure and more confident. i want to be someone people will look at and not immediately think “oh poor her” or any sort of thought similar to that. this is gonna sound stupid af, but i also wanna be luckier in life. because life is throwing me so much shit that i can’t handle properly and i feel helpless. and i’m tired

why am i writing this here and not on a journal or something? i don’t know. maybe i wish someone will read it and relate. or tell me things will be alright. maybe i write it here because my irls are too busy with their own lives i’m just afraid to open up to any of them anymore. maybe i write it here because if i regret it later it’s easier to delete a tumblr post than make a sheet of paper disappear forever

#might as well not write all my thoughts in the tags for once #to save everyone from my stupidity #this is emma speaking

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andorerso · 2 years

Note

rebelcaptain + “can you give me a ride?”

Jyn missed her bus by thirty seconds.

She’d seen it in the distance, pulling away from the stop, and she began to run but it was already too late. It left without her. And the next one didn’t come until morning.

Fucking shit. Stupid Han and his “just one more shot, Erso, don’t be a killjoy.” Why did she let herself be talked into it?

Now she was stranded; nobody at the party was sober enough to drive her home, and that was ninety-five percent of her friend circle back there. There was no way she was walking home either, not such a long trip, not so late at night. She may have known Krav Maga, but she wasn’t taking stupid risks.

She didn’t really want to waste money on a cab either, and she never trusted Ubers. She could call Baze if it wasn’t for the fact that he and Chirrut were abroad on a holiday…

Jyn weighed her options. Most of her friends were at the party, completely wasted, so they were out of the question. But she could call –

Well, shit.

She swore to herself she wouldn’t drunk dial him but this didn’t really count, did it?

Maybe he won’t pick up anyway, Jyn thought as she took out her phone and scrolled down to his number which she hadn’t a heart to delete yet. It was after all past one a.m., and Cassian never liked to stay up late. An early riser, an early sleeper. Well, except when she kept him up –

“Jyn?” His voice interrupted her thoughts, which was quite fortunate since they were heading into dangerous territories. He sounded bleary, confirming her theory that he just woke up.

Of course. He never put his phone on silent, even at night. Something that used to drive her mad when they were together.

“What’s wrong, are you okay?”

Naturally, that was his first thought. Well, she couldn’t blame him. When your ex-girlfriend calls you in the middle of the night, it was either drunk dialing or something had happened.

“Yeah, no, everything’s fine. It’s just, uhm…” Jyn chewed on her lip as she debated what to say, regretting a bit that she called. But hanging up now would be even more embarrassing, so she pushed forward. “I’m kinda drunk and just missed my last bus. You were the only person available so… can you give me a ride?”

There was a short pause on his end. She wished she could see him. He was always hard to read, but she thought she’d gotten pretty good at recognizing his facial clues. Not seeing him though, it was kind of hard to guess what he was thinking.

Probably something like “this is what she dragged me out of bed for?”

But even if he was thinking that, Cassian was too good to say so.

“Sure,” he said at last, and she was relieved not to hear any underlying frustration in his tone. “Where are you?”

“At the bust stop near Han’s place.”

“Okay. Why don’t you go back to the party, I’ll be there in fifteen.”

“Sure,” Jyn agreed, though she knew she wouldn’t be going inside. She’d have to explain that she missed her bus and called Cassian to pick her up, and there was no way she was answering any prying questions about that. She’ll just wait outside the building. It was not that cold, and there was good lighting.

True to his word, Cassian did arrive fifteen minutes later, and she couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped her as she got into his dark blue Toyota.

“Precisely fifteen minutes. I forgot how pedantic you are.”

That was a lie. She didn’t forget much. But it sounded better if she said it like that.

He rolled his eyes. “It’s just a lucky coincidence.”

“Sure, sure,” Jyn agreed easily with a small teasing smile. “Thanks for picking me up.”

Cassian gave her a nod. His eyes on her made her skin tingle, her breath catch. He could still get her heart beating, no problem. Jyn fought the urge to fidget nervously in her seat.

“Don’t mention it.”

He started the engine and pulled away from the sidewalk. The loss of his gaze was both a relief and a disappointment. She had always wanted his attention, but now that she wasn’t entitled to it, it just hurt. It wasn’t enough and never would be. Having him look at her was only a portion of what she’d craved, and if she couldn’t have it all, she’d rather have nothing.

If she expected him to make small talk during the drive, he didn’t. It was roughly twenty minutes back to her apartment, and she spent half of it looking out the window, watching the lights play and the landscape fly by. She knew looking at him was dangerous – she might not want to look away.

The silence between them was distant. Not exactly uncomfortable, but not comfortable either. Certainly not what she was used to with him, and that hurt too. By the ten-minute mark, it felt a little too much; to distract herself, she dug through her bag to find her phone, but her hands came in contact with something sticky instead.

Damn it. The cap of her hand sanitizer must have come off, and now a small spot in her bag was covered with the substance.

“Do you have any tissues?”

“In the glove box,” he nodded with his head but never took his eyes off the road.

Jyn opened the compartment and the first thing she saw was a photo.

It was taken about a year ago around the time they started dating. She remembered it. Bodhi snapped the picture at her birthday party. They were outside on her balcony, and she was sitting on his lap, her hands linked behind his neck, her torso twisted to face him. Their faces were close, looking at each other, wearing matching smiles of affection. Like they had eyes for no one but each other. A secret moment captured without either of them noticing.

The photo was like a punch to the chest. Jyn marveled at how obviously taken she was with him, even at the start. Lovesick, one might call it. And he was clearly just as obsessed with her. It would be nauseating if it was anyone else.

What had gone wrong…

Cassian must have noticed her tense posture from the corner of his eyes, she might have even let out a gasp. He glanced at the insides of the glove box, and his hands tightened on the wheel when he saw the picture. His eyes shuttered close; not that they were that open to begin with.

“I... meant to put that away.”

She might have felt upset, except it was a lie. She knew him well enough to tell. He was just saving face in front of her, pretending like it didn’t matter, that he was over her – but what if she didn’t want him to? What if she didn’t want to be playing these games?

Jyn wordlessly retrieved the tissues from the compartment and cleaned her bag as best as she could. Then she settled back against her seat and looked at him. His eyes never wavered from watching the road, but he must have felt her gaze.

She missed him so much. She wanted to crawl into his lap, have him wrap his arms around her, hold her. She wanted to fall asleep with his heartbeat under her ear. He was safety and warmth, and she missed the peace he gave her. She missed falling asleep feeling like nothing could hurt her.

Jyn didn’t take her eyes off him for the rest of the ride, too drunk and too tired to feel embarrassed. Cassian didn’t comment, even when he parked the car in front of her building and turned off the engine. In fact, he didn’t even look at her right away. She could hear him take a deep breath, almost like he was preparing himself.

“Cassian...”

He finally turned, his eyes burning. Jyn didn’t even hesitate when she scooted over to his side and crawled into his lap. She may have been a little bolder due to the alcohol she’d consumed earlier, but she could see it in his eyes. He’d missed her too.

But she was also tired, and Cassian would never take advantage of her state anyway, so she just lay her head on his chest and let out a content sigh. She really did miss him. She may have even said it aloud, she wasn’t sure. It was becoming a bit blurry, with Cassian’s arms around her, his warmth lulling her senses. Her eyes were slipping closed. It would be so easy to just forget herself for a moment.

“Jyn.” His voice, a whisper, broke through the haze. “Are you going to fall asleep?”

“Yeah,” she mumbled.

Cassian sighed. “Don’t. You’re drunk.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that I missed you even when I was sober.” She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. She could see the conflict in him. The need, the longing, but also the want to establish some boundaries between them. Frankly, Jyn was done with those. “Come inside.”

He didn’t say anything, just stared at her.

“Just sleeping,” she added. “Come on. Come on.”

Her voice was nearly whiny, something she would later blame on the combination of alcohol and sleep deprivation. She tugged on his arm, and he relented with another sigh.

“You’ll be the death of me.”

She gave him a tiny smile. It felt a bit like a fresh start. “Not if I can help it.”

#rebelcaptain #therebelcaptainnetwork #dailyrebelcaptain #replies #anonymous #my fics #i haven't written a break up au in a while this was inevitable #one last prompt to go <3 #i don't wanna jinx it but im actually really satisfied with all four so far #let's hope to keep this nice track record #also the words 'come inside' will never sound the same to me lmao

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