#i’m just tired of shitty ppl ruining good things for the rest of us

[aerltarg]

Maybe this is a stupid question, buuuuut:

I just can't imagine a world that Rhaegar comes back from the Trident, wins the war and becomes king. No, I'm not a anti Rhaegar, matter of fact I like him very much, I'm just can imagine how would Lya, little Jon, this whole affair, would settle in the capital. The norm that fics (at least those I read) tend to follow is to make Rhaegar:

1. A douche, paranoid and destiny-obessed king.

2. Completely incompetent, aloof monarch, that deep down has a heart of gold, but can't really be understood.

I mean, isn't he supposed to be a scholar since he was a kid? What's are your thoughts about it?

oh, yeah, i can totally understand this! it's is the whole point in canon actually, "the wrong man came back from the trident". you would expect a hero win against his antagonist and have a happy ending w his lady love but it doesn't happen. instead the subversion happens to them with rhaegar being killed by robert who becomes obviously a shitty king and lyanna dying after him. they were never supposed to have happy ending, they were created as tragic and doomed and dead from the beginning for the whole plot to start, jon to have his parentage mystery and dany to take the passed baton as the last dragon, prophesied savoir and the heir who has to carry entire house on her back now.

as for the realistic rhaegar wins aus that's the difficult question. tbh we just don't know enough abt their situation, plans and wishes. you see, e.g. in agot we can be right in ned's head and see his motivations, what he was thinking abt, what he was planning, what he was hoping to do. but if his story was told the way rhaegar's was i bet he would have his own crowd of haters and ~intellectuals~ jumping out every two seconds w their "hot takes" how actually all hints abt what rlly happened (ned being a good man w his own sense of honour, justice and experiences affecting him and the deal w cersei's children) doesn't matter and he was an ambitious prick, planned to grasp the power by being joffrey's regent and make his daughter sansa queen. (you can actually insert there any bullshit and still don't reach the level of stupidity of such "hot takes" this fandom loves so much lmao). also he would be blamed to the hell and beyond for being too stupid and not foreseeing the future and actions of other ppl bc ofc after everything happened it's so easy to say what was so obvious to notice. also they would say that the deaths of his men and horrible fates of his kids are 100% his fault and even straight up say he killed them lmao. i can rant abt it for hours so yeah. this is a situation w too many unknown variables bc it depends too much on actions of too many characters we don't know enough abt. the only thing it's possible to tell for sure is the fact that there couldn't be any perfect solutions since things got too complicated at this point.

such fics as you've mentioned tho are just a part of this dumb fanon where rhaegar is "too prophecy obsessed"/"incapable of love"/shrodinger's rhaegar both smart and stupid at the same time/whatever/all of this combined lmfao. the man was notably intelligent from the early age as you've absolutely rightly mentioned, his guesses abt himself being tptwp have nothing to do w egocentrism as some parts of the fandom would want us all to believe unless he wouldn't be so reasonable abt it and later on, after so many years, wouldn't have changed his mind and thought his son could be tptwp.

and literally fuck all antis that think you shouldn't consider prophecies that hold real power in this fantasy world lol. you know, aegon the conqueror was said to be motivated (or at least partly) to unify westeros by the prophecy and still got the treatment of perfect/maximum close to perfect figure of a leader everyone should look up to from the narrative and grrm. prophecy obsessed much, huh? i don't even talk abt all these parallels between him and rhaegar grrm put there not for bitches to ignore them completely! and i will never get tired of reminding that dismissing prophecies is UNWISE for targaryens of all people. the house whose story is built on the dream of young daenys and her father aenar that listened to her despite common sense (or what local "anti magic"/"anti prophecies" clowns consider to be common sense). targs would be as dead as the rest of dragonlords if not for daenys the dreamer. who else in the world has as many reasons to take prophecies seriously as them?

yet antis out there act as if rhaegar is one dimensional weirdo whose every character trait is abt mf ~prophecy obsession~. like how can they miss one of the main points so badly?? the game of thrones distracts ppl from the real danger beyond the wall, yk, the one rhaegar was aware of and meant to deal with. there wouldn't be such a problem if he became king and had as many years of head start before ice zombies apocalypse as ignorant bobby b did. rhaegar had to die just for westeros to sink in shit and our main heroes to save everyone to make this story more epic LMAO

so yeah, too many ppl portray rhaegar as this one dimensional robotic creature without any knowledge of what feelings are idk even for what reason. it seems these ppl can't read for real bc rhaegar was not only intelligent af as well as dutiful ("it seems i must be a warrior" but "he loved his harp more than his lance") but also. ugh emotional?? my boy had constant emo sessions w brooding at ruins of summerhall, sleeping out there beneath the stars all alone and writing songs that made all women cry. does it sound as someone who "isn't capable of love" lol? folks act as if he was completely heartless from the day he was born (bc he didnt play w other kids ig??) but in reality their emotional range is less than the one of a spoon in comparison to rhaegar's lol. i'm not even gonna address the horrible attitude of demonizing him for his implied depression, vile clowns never listen to themselves when they talk abt targaryens and their "madness".

tldr; these fics are mostly lame af and suck at characterization if they're making rhaegar like that lol. anyway his character isn't abt being a good or a bad king, it's abt being a would-be-king for characters in books and readers in reality to sigh over his tragic aura and pretty aesthetic abt how it could've been. however, grrm clearly doesn't write rhaegar as evil or incapable as some parts of the fandom would want to try to persuade others. realistically speaking in the scenario where he wins there couldn't be any perfect decisions but it's a territory of speculations on thin air and lit nothing more since canon doesn't provide us with enough information to rlly theorize anything instead of building biased headcanons some ppl call "analysis".

but remember what barristan said about rhaegar while practically watching him all his life, from a literal baby to the man grown:

“I know little of Rhaegar. Only the tales Viserys told, and he was a little boy when our brother died. What was he truly like?”

The old man considered a moment. “Able. That above all. Determined, deliberate, dutiful, single-minded.” (ASOS, Daenerys I)

“Prince Rhaegar’s prowess was unquestioned, but he seldom entered the lists. He never loved the song of swords the way that Robert did, or Jaime Lannister. It was something he had to do, a task the world had set him. He did it well, for he did everything well. That was his nature. But he took no joy in it. Men said that he loved his harp much better than his lance.” (ASOS, Daenerys IV)

#thank you for the ask!!! #hope it didnt get too long and rambly afshsjsjs #once started talking its hard to shut up 😂 #and im sorry for any possible mistakes #.txt #rhaegar targaryen #targnation #mypost #fandom wank #anti antis #majorton #*answered #asks

[seasaltmemories]

FE echoes or 5d's for the meme?

how about both?

FE Echoes

Popular Opinion

The art and general aesthetic is amazing, I love Hidari’s style, it’s very elegant, the OST is also great, Heritors of Arcadia stands out for coming with little warning in the credits yet really capturing the bittersweet tone of the ending (and the meta connection of Silque’s VA singing it only adds to the feels)

Unpopular Opinion

For the most part I love the gameplay, part of the appeal is that it is something fresh and weird in comparison to the rest of the series, so I understand it not being appealing, but just so many elements clicked for me, magic costing hp balanced out in that you could depend on items like the blessed ring and nosferatu to help make it a fun risk-reward sort of game, clerics with shields are especially fun as they can make semi-tanks who self-heal, the range of archers made up for any difficulties I had with accuracy and it is just nice to have more flexibility with positioning them, same goes for mages with increased range

I don���t know a lot about map design, so i won’t contest the complaints about it (and on my second playthrough I’ve noticed more repeating and all) but that hasn’t outweighed my love for turning my squishy units into cold blood killers

Share a song that makes me think of the series/a certain character

The Violence by Rise Against really captures the conflict between men and gods, how both Duma and Mila have failed Rigel and Zofia specifically and so much of the different conflicts are about humans trying to surpass and overcome the systems they left behind and both failing and succeeding in different ways

Ramble on about OTPs/characters that make me giddy and/or rage

I’m a hoe for celicalm bc they’re both adorable and love each other but you can play with cool and angsty ideas surrounding being the children of fate and kinda how tragedy almost seems to be unavoidable

but 99% of the canon couples in echoes are adorable: 

Clive/Mathilda are like always like seconds away from making out and Clive worshipping the Valkyrie goddess Mathilda is, is such good shit

Tatiana/Zeke have that same constant heart eyes though while less pda-ish they are still very in love and good

Mae/Boey are a great arguing pair bc at the end of the day it is obvious they care about each other and are best friends, also their ending is A+++ with going home and having tons of kids

Gray/Clair kinda tread cliche ground but I still enjoy their dynamic and Gray for all his faults is truly into her and cares about her as a person

just like while fandom is fun to ship crazy ships and come up with all the thousands of ways they could get together, just getting to see couples be couples is something I love as romantic material often leave out that one detail

gotta say tho the only canon couple I could not get behind was Berkut/Rinea, I don’t want to shame others for liking it but I really can’t believe he would hurt her like that if he loved her, FE plays with the the trope of loved ones being forced to fight/kill each other (it happens with Alm and Celica not long after these two) but even if he was tempted by Duma and having a breakdown over losing his birthright, he still made the conscious choice to sacrifice his girlfriend for his selfish gain, those are explanations for why, not excuses, regardless of your thoughts on the ship we have to accept the straight canon facts because I don’t like seeing literal abuse rhetoric trying to explain away the damage and pin the blame on anyone other than Berkut

besides that big elephant in the room, they never had super romantic scenes until after they died, and I might have been able to enjoy the tragedy if I was at all invested, and so I can still enjoy works for it by the fandom, especially the darker stuff, but I can’t help but side-eye too fluffy stuff

5ds

Popular Opinion

Yusei can be a pretty reactive character and seem too perfect so I went in a bit hesitant about him but alas even I was unable to keep from falling for his charms, I don’t want to deliver a critique of s2 just yet as I am still in the middle of it, but in S1 Yusei can get away with being more reactive and not losing really bc holy shit is the world set on making him suffer, he’s a great underdog who just wants to take care of the ppl he loves and do the right thing, especially with how ensemble-like S1 is he is perfectly serviceable as a protagonist and just a really likable guy

Unpopular Opinion

5ds is simultaneously overhyped and undeappreciated

Like often ppl who don’t like the spinoffs will say that DM and 5Ds are the only YGO’s that matter and regardless of your feelings on each individual installment that’s just a shitty attitude to deal with

But at the same time, 5Ds’ fandom is like the least active, at least here on tumblr, I see more content for even GX, which is also a spinoff and older, like even before I got back into it was really sad to see fandom events where each installment was represented except for 5ds

And when it gets mentioned at all it is the same old beats glorifying/trashing it, like it making card games on motorcycles cool, s2 being horrible, being the “darkest and most mature” ygo (which is arguable and not as important as presumed), Aki’s the greatest, Aki was ruined and irredeemable, Dark signers is the peak of ygo, WCP was horrible and drawn out

I agree with statements on both sides but man I am just so tired of the same discussions and I wish there was more appreciation for just what we got and general love for the characters and all

Share a song that makes me think of the series/a certain character

People Like Us by Kelly Clarkson is a good signers song, especially with the fire motif

Ramble on about OTPs/characters that make me giddy and/or rage

Scoopshipping gets its own mid-season romcom and is so good and canon and while I understand why they retcon it, my heart is still broken

Faithshipping is also good and pure and I think you can have a discussion about Aki’s mistreatment without pinning the ship as irredeemable 

Feeding into that, Aki is still an amazing and iconic female lead, I do have criticisms of her treatment but man I want to celebrate her as much as we mourn those choices

I really can’t see the Yusei/Jack/Crow trio as romantic in any combination, they feel like brothers, the closest I can get is some lowkey onesided feelings Crow might have had for Yusei, but all in all they feel like family

Also we got good f/f content with Misty/Carly and Sherry/Aki

Kiryu is Yusei’s ex and you can’t convince me otherwise

#twelve-to-the-highest-power #seasalt talks #thanks for the ask!! #fe echoes #5ds

[mucdonald]

Hey y’all!! I’m Jinx, I’m always tired and I use caps lock too much & ramble like it’s no one’s business. I’ll be playing Mary MacDonald and she’s truly one of my favorite characters I’ve been writing for years -- so I’m so so excited to bring her here to this wonderful RP! Most of what’s under the cut are just some fun rambles, trying to give you a proper look at Mary but I’ve also included a stat sheet and biography for further insight! 

AESTHETIC: Double winged black & gold eyeliner, graphic nerdy tees, tight fitting jeans, staying up all night, being the best friend you can be, giving the best presents,  perfectly manicured hands, always biting back, dark purple lipstick, scattered newspapers, marijuana smoke, Queen on vinyl, horned rimmed glasses, faded denim, quiet optimism, open cynicism, being messy with the words you speak but not write.

CHARACTER INSPO: Margo Hanson ( The Magicians ), Gina Linetti ( B99 ), Spencer Hastings ( PLL ), Cristina Yang ( Grey’s Anatomy ), Rachel Green ( FRIENDS ), Ben Wyatt ( Parks & Rec ), Ella Lopez ( Lucifer )

INFO: → biography • stat sheet • pinterest 

TRIGGERS: racism, prejudice, ptsd, drugs 

so mary is a libra/virgo cusp, which fits her p well tbh. september 23th, hoes, so she’s a lil older than the rest of her classmates though she definitely doesn’t act it.

her parents are sucky to her tbh but her brother and her are partners in crime. unfortunately he’s in his last year of uni before med school rn and he’s totally focused on that and not around as much.

coming to hogwarts was a dream and she met these people who are undoubtedly family.

in her fifth year mary had made a newspaper of her own for the school, only to find it all RUINED bc some ppl had fucked it up the day before she was gonna hand them out ( if u wanna be that person hmu ). it really upset her but it made her even more want to be a journalist and hasn’t stopped writing since. it’s not really a thing she talks about often, tbh? she used to a lot but she’s v scared deep down that something’ll happen again so she’s kept it to herself and in the future will get an offer from the prophet to write for them ( she’ll be treated p shitty due to being a muggleborn woman of color BUT ). at the moment though she really doesn’t know what to do with her life and feels particularly aimless despite her being super intelligent and having p good grades. really really aimless.

did i mention she loves her friends more than she loves herself????? BC SHE REALLY DOES. i imagine when she was in the hospital after her attack ( bc of mental reasons ) they came to visit her and it just made her love them more. regarding the incident though, while we don’t have a mulciber ( this is also very much open ended until we have one ) i imagine that mary, while she didn’t ask to be attacked, definitely instigated it to a degree. i imagine she could’ve easily egged on mulciber, as she usually does not know how to have a filter, and honestly i could’ve seen her doing it for a long time. in my opinion, this is why mulciber didn’t get kicked out from school -- because i could imagine the administration bringing up some BS like ‘well she instigated it’ also just being prejudiced bc she’s a muggleborn and a woc! but again, all of this is really open to changing as i don’t want to godmod! 

if you can handle her personality and shit, she’ll most likely love you. 

loves the bad guys with the sad eyes and the mouth full of white lies TBH it’s such a mess. not even because she thinks she can change them or make them better … it’s just her type it seems like … it’s REALLY FRUSTRATING. don’t ask her about her ex. she also love dorks tho. mary is definitely not interested in any kind of love or relationships though.

but she’s also BI BI BI she really thinks girls are a gift to the universe. she’s really figuring it out more so NOW, is probably out to her friends but not AT ALL to her parents, yikes

in the future she WILL have a chewbacca costume, too bad star wars hasn’t come out yet

is pretty rich and would buy her friends all chewbaca costumes if they wanted ( in the future )

is one of those stoners who are also perfectionistic and hardworking

WILL FIGHT BIGOTS ALL DAY EVERYDAY, will NEVER compromise who she is bc they hate her for her BLOOD. NEVER EVER. will ALWAYS PUNCH ASSHOLES AND BIGOTS IN THE FACE

she does suffer from ptsd, but she’s had a lot of therapy over the past summer that have helped her deal with it. she does still sometimes have random angry misplaced outbursts and still have nightmares but they’ve gotten a lot better thanks to the miracle that is Marijuana. she’s definitely still in the messy ass healing place though

would probably share her pot with you too she’s p nice about that

OH SHE WEARS GLASSES AND SHES GOT FRECKLES ACROSS HER NOSE AND CHEEKS!!!!!!

she really loves her friends, btw, idk if i mentioned that. i wanted to put peter quill as one of her character parallels bc she really acts like him sometimes and can be that reckless and stupid but it felt really random along side everyone ELSE so like THERE’S THAT FUN FACT

 CONNECTIONS ( though i’m doing badly at thinking of these rn ): 

FRIENDSHIPS: i need every sort of friendship! i need mary’s best friends! friends who bond over having a fucking hard time right now! stoner friends! friends mary stays up with all night to study with!

PURISTS AND ASSHOLES SHE’S PUNCHED IN THE FACE: self explanatory! 

FLINGS: mary is v much the type to casually hook up with people so i’m open to all these sorts of connections!! 

ANTAGONISTIC: these two butt heads whether it’s because they’re so alike or because they both just have a different set of ideals but do like challenging each other!!

TUTORS: mary is great with her school subjects in theory but in practice she’s definitely not the strongest witch and needs help from other people much more talented at magic!

BAD INFLUENCE: especially this year, mary is giving into her vices, into her complicated feelings, up all hours of the night, maybe someone who indulges this, someone she doesn’t realize is really trying to get her to give into this negative shit!

GOOD INFLUENCE: someone who helps mary see the good still, who pushes her to push through her pain or at least accept it. just a good human you know! 

MOM FRIEND: i mean y’all see she’s a mess someone give her a mom friend. pls. 

PAST RELATIONSHIPS/ROMANTIC TENSION: i’m open to maybe one or two lil cutesy relationships?? mary’s first love/everything broke her heart the summer before her fifth year so anytime before that. even if it was just something cute and innocent and it just didn’t work out or maybe they had something, it was there, but when she went home and fell in love w/ the dude who then broke her heart, she was TOTALLY closed off and it just never progressed from there. 

PARTY FRIEND: they always have a great time partying together, some of mary and them best times! tbh this could work for anyone as long as they’d be able to put up with mary and have a fun time

ANYTHING ELSE: i personally love talking about ideas etc so! anything else is great too!

#fortunate:greetings #i have a tendency to make things so long so i put it on different pages LMWOJwq #anyways im gonna do replies and things tomorrow i just feel like chilling tonight <33 #like this and ill come jump in ya inbox!!! #i mean IMS #it's not 2014 jinx!

[whyshanti]

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go? 

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed,  academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have. 

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway. 

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else. 

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships. 

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc). 

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden. 

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing. 

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho. 

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house. 

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times. 

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me. 

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person. 

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass. 

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s. 

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices. 

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH. 

16. men are trash. 

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one. 

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over. 

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh. 

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.  

self-love is not a 5-step process. 

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings. 

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

#2019

[herotheshiro]

i wanted to post this online somewhere but didn’t know where to put it (not really something to put on any of my IG accounts and if you stay w me for the rest of this post you’ll know why i didn’t put it on twitter) and i almost forgot tumblr existed and no one really uses it (i.e., my sibling doesn’t follow this account. was going to put this on my personal blog which my sibling also doesn’t follow but i feel like this blog is better in the end) so good place to put it and let me release my thoughts. [put it under cut bc it’s pretty long lol]

but basically one of the worst decisions i’ve made in the last half yr is become active on twitter. i made an account back in october to try to order some hipmaic merch from a proxy which ultimately failed and had unexpected personal blowbacks as well... that in itself should have already indicated the dumpster fire that twitter would become for me (from the bad vibes of that failure i mean) but unfortunately in the time before i knew the proxy was going to fail, i got absorbed into fandom twitter. for whatever reason i have this weird thing of wanting to become fandom famous or like fandom well-known, which i think is partially due to me wanting to be like my sibling who sort of became a recognizable name due to their fanworks in some of their fandoms in the past. i feel like i used to kind of have that kind of recognition back during the young deviantart days but since i don’t really produce/publish fanworks anymore, i’ve gotten to liveblogging/livetweeting as my attempts to fame. ik some ppl have succeeded off of that, based on some of the ppl i’ve followed for a number of fandoms in the past few years, so i thought i could do it too ... but alas as y’all know, the internet is a big place and it’s hard to get ppl to care abt your one voice. and ppl noticing you also sometimes happens in unwanted ways, like that whole thing i got stressed over re: a/3 which i think i blogged abt on this blog before ... i mean still not even 100% they were referring to me specifically w that vague tweetinig but i was stupidly anxious over dumb shit like that.

also, as everyone knows, once you really get into a fandom, there is always the absolute mess of “problematic” content/call-outs. sometimes it’s valid critiques of the series content, sometimes it’s over stupid ass petty inter-fan drama. and even if you’re not involved in the drama itself, it’s so tiring to have to witness all the passive aggressive (or sometimes outright aggressive) tweets ... esp in this current global pandemic situation where we’re already getting negative news re: our real lives. i’m writing up this post really in response to me reading through threads of ppl calling out the problematic ways hipmaic handles hip hop/black culture which is definitely valid and basically something i’ve always been aware of even when i first came into the fandom bc non-black iterations of hip hop culture (esp overseas) usually do not hit the mark .... even though i’ve been aware of all this shit, it’s so tiring to read through and then the guilt of still consuming the fandom even w its flaws (which is still something you can do as long as you acknowledge the flaws and problematic aspects. but it also depends on the series i suppose, like imo a/o/t is just shit that prob shouldn’t be consumed lol, which is also funny bc i used to consume it a long time ago but that was like way before the timeskip like when the anime first got released ... i mean this kind of opinion/perspective is fraught w so many asterisks so i’m not going to go into it further but hopefully you get what i mean even if you’re not hearing all of my personal footnotes)... like i don’t think i’m going to give up hipmaic yet, bc i still do enjoy some of its music and i do enjoy seeing character content, but adding twitter to my life was honestly a goddamn mistake. not only for that one case of anxiety re: a/3 but also just me purposely consuming fans’ content that i literally KNOW will piss me off but i still do anyways. it’s tiring to read some of the comments hipmaic fans say, and a few months ago i wanted to interact re: headcanons and stuff but now i’m like you know what. keep your frankly incorrect and inaccurate headcanons to yourself (partly sarcastic but you know when you read a thinkpiece and you respect them for voicing their opinion but it’s also “wrong” at the same time...).

like recently i’ve gotten to thinking to literally just blocking any twitter account that talks abt hyp mic and just restricting my twitter to non-fandom stuff or japanese twitter accounts where i don’t understand what stupid shit they’re saying (if any). and also let’s not get into what a time-suck scrolling through twitter has become for me ... i’m already depressed and completely unmotivated to do work, and twitter is just a major procrastination device to continue wrecking my academic and professional lives and productivity ... i don’t have the app, but i can still access it through safari so of course it’s still a stick in my wheel. i really need to follow what my sibling said and try to rarely go on it and if i do, just stick to my dash and don’t stray too far out (i.e., looking up shit in the search bar). tbh, IG and twitter are both huge time-wasters for me, and i seriously need to consider deleting social media in general or at least for a good chunk of time which is something i wanted to do literally 2 yrs ago but just never did ... ik some of my friends are relatively inactive on social media (they do have it but they just never post or anything) and i really really need to be like that. everything for me (like many ppl at this time i assume) is remote, and i know from past experience that i am VERY BAD at being productive when doing remote working. and having IG/twitter drains is definitely going to make that worse, especially since they’re already major distractors when i AM physically going to school/work. i feel like i’ve tried to cut cold-turkey before, but i usually never keep up the block for long ... it’s also due to a lack of motivation in general (this is a whole other monster of a topic that should be put on my personal blog LMAO) but i need to just try to cut things that i have some control over that could further contribute to my lack of productivity.

tl;dr

fandom twitter truly is a dumpster fire

twitter itself is helping ruin my life (not bc of anything happening on it but just its presence)

i am just purposely consuming bad news and shitty takes and making myself feel worse and i need to stop

#personal #rant #i know this is a fandom/review blog and this post is veering into personal territory ... but i mean i talk abt fandoms here