#i’m just so mad and tired right now

[jewishbarbies]

my birthday is coming up and I’m just getting depressed the more I think about it because my parents were always conveniently out of money when my birthday came around as a kid, even though they’d always suddenly have money again when it was my older sister’s birthday in september, and the (1) time I got to do something for my birthday (going to an aquarium down the coast) my parents were stressing about money the whole time and guilt tripping me as if I made them take me when it was their idea. and we’re in a tough spot financially right now so I didn’t plan anything and I don’t expect to do much because we don’t live in an area with stuff to do (there’s a bowling alley in the next town over and that’s truly it), and it just makes me sad that it’s still like this. I put so much thought and heart into everyone else’s birthdays and when it gets to mine it feels like I’m just an afterthought. like nothing happens unless I plan it myself. but I feel like if I talk about this frustration it’ll just sound selfish somehow or just be taken that way so I don’t bother.

#g talks #trying not to think about it #but it’s in like 10 days or something #and every time I’m reminded of the date I just wanna cry #I’m so tired of this #I was literally abandoned by my entire family on my sweet sixteen #I had to stay home alone because my mom made an appointment #knowing it was on my birthday #even though she said they gave her other options #and she knew I was mad about it but never cared #and it’s always the same disappointment every year #nothing happens unless I make it happen #and that’s fine #but I’m relying on other income right now #so I can’t just plan things #and it’s too late to do any traveling #and I’m just so tired of being sad about this #birthdays have always meant a lot to me since I was little #and it’s just so unfair that mine means so little #to people that I make a point to make feel special on theirs #it’s probably just a habit for them now #mine #/mobile

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.

#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness. #COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye #yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all #until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs #I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying. #even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat! #my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone #and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor #the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T #I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home #lonely TT-TT #it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry #I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now #but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up #and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time #I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week. #I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me #I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over #so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T. #I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind. #<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind

[theamazingannie]

Kinda crazy how people will call out celebrities for not speaking up on political issues and then a celebrity WILL speak up on that political issue but doesn’t do it in exactly the way these people want so they’ll call THEM out too and it’s like why tf would anyone want to do anything these days if every action they take gets them called out???

#specifically referencing Annie Lennox this time but I’ve seen it so many times just on this issue alone #she called for a ceasefire at the fucking Grammys and all pro Palestine people praised her #and then she made a non aggressive post about it on Twitter that still called for ceasefire but didn’t praise hamas #and people are shaming her and calling her a coward #another time I read someone say Bella Ramsay signed the hostage release letter right after Oct 7 #but has since been outspoken about pro Palestine #but that that’s not enough and they’re still bad for doing that first thing #when they’re an actor not an activist and nobody really understood what was going on back then #like this is exactly why I won’t be one of the people calling on celebrities to be posting on every issue #cuz even people more well informed are called out for being wrong about stuff #I’ve been following this issue since 2019 and I still don’t feel fully comfortable doing more than sharing stuff from better informed people #cand calling out hypocracies and bad arguements (something I studied in college) #I can’t expect someone who didn’t know anything before four months ago and doesn’t actively follow it now #to feel comfortable taking a strong side on an issue where no matter what you do you’re gonna get death threats from SOMEONE #pro Israel pro Palestine neural stance silence #every single choice makes people mad at you so it’s really safer to go with the last #this isn’t ‘register to vote’ or ‘this issue directly affects me and I’m therefore better informed so I’ll talk about it’ #this is an extremely hot button sensitive issue #and I’m tired of people acting like social media activism is where we should start and end #call our your politicians not your actors and singers for gods sake

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #cw health #cw heart #i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it #i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help #sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me #he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me #sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree #have i Ever actually relaxed #hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch #anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things #a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal #so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now #and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser #i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever #if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked #all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is #every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse #anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches #‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now #i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC #which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it #i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead #anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t. #it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about #i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father

[daincrediblegg]

Born to do productive things forced to sit in my little chair being cozy and sleepy and wanting to ride on old irish seaman dick

#thus this is the mood for today #this sleepy snowy saturday #really kinda makes me mad tho like I wanna write but also no I don’t wanna bc I’m tired I just want the dick in me please is that too much #to ask??? #apparently so #it’s so bad like I don’t even wanna DRAW it kinda sucks #I took an hour and a half long nap earlier today. I want to take another nap right now #like WHAT is going ON man???

[vlindervin7]

muslims will act violently homophobic in a country that values gay rights and then act shocked when it reflects badly on their community

#non muslims pls don’t interract but i’m sooo mad i just need to rant #also prefacing this by saying obvs muslims are not to blame for racism and islamophobia in europe these things would still exist without #all the controversy but omggg #so this group of lgbt muslims planned an iftar for other queer muslims and they had to cancel it bc of the threats they received #and now ofc all the politicians are going on abt how they cannot accept intolerance and this behaviour is unacceptable in a society that #preaches equal rights for queer people #and like… was that not to be expected??? the very muslims who do shit like this will be the first to scream islamophobia but are you making #ANY effort #this meeting was not for you it does not affect you you don’t even have to think abt it but what makes you think sending threats of #physical violence during the holy month of RAMADAN is smth you should be doing #there is nothing surprising abt the far right (who don’t even support queer rights themselves) to jump on this opportunity to make sure #everyone knows that look!! those muslims refuse to adopt our good belgian values #and yk they’d find smth anyway but let’s avoid adding fuel to their fire by giving them real actual reasons to be concerned #and on the one hand it does feel like victim blaming bc marginalised groups shouldn’t be held responsible for the hatred targeted at them #and it’s not muslims’ fault but i’m just so tired like they really can’t help themselves #something so deeply wrong with muslims who make hating queer people their number one priority like… i don’t think you understand what your #beloved faith stands for #it’s just such a shame to have to start ramadan with this kind of discourse everywhere #exactly 0% of this is surprising i could’ve predicted this would happen exactly but it’s just so tiring on all accounts #you want to live your religion in piece without being targeted for it? what makes you think attacking other ppl wanting the very same thing #is a logical response? use your brain and spend some time doing dhikr instead of spreading hate on the internet what is wrong with you

[armageticwords]

i finally submitted an application with portfolio to the animation school i want to get into and oh god im shaking like a wet cat rn

#because like. they have been so so nice to me so far (this was also the school that introduced me to corpses last week) #and i reeeeeaaaaally want to get in. but im a sophomore rn and i’m literally working on my first digital animation assignment right now? #so like. will they even let me in. please let me in PLEASE #i have a backup that i’ve been accepted into but i would be so so mad for ever and ever if my PORTFOLIO was the only thing that stopped me #from getting into this school. ugh im tired but mostly just mad that i have to deal with all of this in the first place #stay tuned for me sorting out this mess i guess #h text

[sensitivegoblin]

Lol I HATE my sisters boyfriend

#guess who almost said the R word at a stupid video game #and then he defended AND got butt hurt over me ‘preaching’ about it #now I’m sitting here having to finish the game with him #i fucking hate him he ruins everything by being his stupid way #i wish the purge was real I wanna kill him the rest of his stupid family and runaway to take care of his niece #i just #fuck #he seems to have a talent for making me miserable #i told him the R slur isn’t like bitch or c-nt #does he care? #no because an emotionless monster who should be fuckin put down #fine don’t wanna fix yourself I’m therapy? let me drown you. #i wish he could read my mind to know how disgusting and worthless I think he is #if I d-xx myself can one of y’all stab him for me? #i seriously fucking just hate him he has zero compassion #he’s such a fucking idiot he thinks he’s so smart cus he’s emotionless #i wish I could hit him with a pot I swear I’m so seething mad right now #IM TIRED OF HEARING PEOPLE SAY THE RSLUR #i hope anyone who says it today gets a sharp pain in their chest that lasts hours #I’m so disgusted rn that word literally makes me physically I’ll #ill * #he’s now pulling a brat routine where he’s just playing in silence #YOU hurt other people and you’re punishing US for it??????? #I’m gonna be off and on tonight I dunno

[rosicheeks]

😑

#who wants to scream into the void together #I’m just so upset and tired man #from now on unless you are literally obsessed with me and I’m the only girl for you #leave me the fuck alone #I’m so sick of people pretending to be one person and then after I fall for them they show me their true colors #and then I’m just kinda stuck cause I miss the first fake person but not the real person #ALSO I’m sick (especially on here) of people saying all of these things like ‘you’re so special’ and I love you and I wanna marry you #but then you find out they are saying the same thing to like 5+ other people #from now on #unless you are ready to kidnap me and have a collar and cage for me #leave me alone #Kay thanks 🙃 #im gonna delete soon #but I’m mad and pacing around my room so here you guys go #again any mutuals who want to go somewhere and just scream #cause I could go for a really big loud scream right about now #dnnsjsjsjdjdnhsjajsjdjdksj #AHHHHHHHH #dumb baby Rosie #shut up rosie

[roostertuftart]

I hate how divided the Tumblr fandom is now lmao like it’s still tighter knit than Instagram or whatever but h. God some people are so weird about taking sides.

#I feel like if I don’t straight up say I hate one side and everything they stand for I’m therefore ‘endorsing’ them or something #like man I don’t hate anyone I haven’t had personal beef with and even those people I’m just more… idk. wishing things could be better #talked out?? I have a hard time hating anyone really #me talking #discourse #sorry I complain about the sp fandom discourse so much it’s just so tiring to be in and then to see both sides not correctly representing #the other side. and then getting mad at each other like… you don’t understand each other’s problems. that’s the issue. you don’t get the #other side #half the time they’re BOTH right in certain aspects or don’t even actually disagree #they just straight up are misunderstanding the conversation #like the is Kyle sensitive debate tbh #on that note I need to make a post on that. and answer asks. I have a job now tho so we’ll see if I get time h #South Park fandom #to be clear I’m not bashing the fandom as toxic. it’s kind of annoying when people do tbh. In my experience at least this fandom is really #not that bad so don’t take this as that. I don’t hate this fandom #I think we handle stuff well!! but there could still be massive improvement as with anything and I’d like to push for that

[1327-1]

tbh if this entire time i had autism and adhd it would make a lot of sense and be a little funny, even

#i say with my teeth clenched #yes both my parents show vry clear behaviors of both #yes i have been like oh i have adhd no it’s actually autism #and now i am finally realizing. both. it’s probably both. and i am scared ❤️ #i’m just so tired and know every single problem i have with why i don’t consistently work on hobbies but it’s #so hard. to make it seem like. i am not a Child in an Adult Suit #like i clean my desk to be more productive and then my desk is a cluttered mess 39 seconds later and There Is Something Telling Me Its Bcos #I Am Not Exactly Right In The Head Nor Know How To Cope With Being Myself #peace and love on planet brain fucked #.pdf #alongside 30 million other problems i have from being from an undiagnosed nonwhite family #like sorry to make everything about my treacherous diseases and disorders but i happen to live in there #combo all this with concussions ptsd and weed addiction and #BAM im surprised and mad abt how i lost 3 joints

[lifeisablackhole9]

i really don’t think i can do this anymore

#i don’t have a means to kill my self right now #but if one arises i’m taking it #i tried really hard to make the good worth the bad but it’s just not #it never was and i’m so tired of pretending otherwise or trying to force it #i made it to 25 like i promised #hell i made it deep into 25 #i gave it a really try but i just can’t #and i know people are going to be mad #i know some are going to hurt #i’m not stupid i know i’m loved and cared for #but i can’t handle suffering for others anymore i just can’t #i’m sorry #words don’t mean anything if nothing actually changes #and actions don’t mean anything if they’re fruitless

[lyekisses]

need to liberate myself from existence NOW!!!!

#im tired of feeling like i’m always being asked to do things and getting NOTHING in return like it’s crazy #how many aspects of life this applies to right now #like idk i don’t think every friendship or interaction needs to be 1to1 transactional i LIKE helping people!!! and my friends!!! #but even a THANK YOU in return would be nice #but whateverrrrrrr im a pushover so everything is ultimately my own doing #im just mad i had to go to work on my day off