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in-tua-deep · 3 years

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idk if you still do au ideas but what if delores was a real person in the apocalypse? how it woul dbe done i have no idea but i love all your aus and thought it would be cool

okay okay I don't tend to go for real!Dolores aus admittedly because I find her much more compelling as what she is: a reflection of five himself and a symptom of his crushing loneliness

but i started thinking about it and you know what?? i think five deserves a little socialization, as a treat

so say like, 0.5% of the population is resistant to abilities. Allison would really struggle to rumor them, Five wouldn't be able to jump with them, and, most importantly, whatever the fuck Vanya's ability does has like, reduced damage or something

and the og apocalypse isn't the moon apocalypse, so let's say that it was pure waves of Vanya's powers that fucked over the earth

so 0.5% of the population survives the apocalypse. though, let's be honestly, the real number is a lot smaller than that. People who might have survived Vanya's initial power wave (miraculously) did not survive buildings crushing them or survive the car/plane/bus/train/other transportation crashes or survive being left alone when they are too young to reliably look after themselves, or the variety of other problems that come with 99.5% of the population dying at once

So, Five arrives in the apocalypse and is met with ruin and fire and a whole lot of dead people. He finds his siblings, but it doesn't matter. They're dead. He doesn't even recognize them at first, these strange grown-ups who he identifies not by their faces but by the umbrellas on their wrists that match his own

As he realizes the full impact of his situation, he hears a voice that says, very succinctly, "holy shit!"

It's a girl a few years older than Five himself, maybe 15 or 16, and she is very excited to see another survivor.

And here's where I u-turn this au around bc i'm not all that interested in real!Dolores, but I would be down to talk about Five meeting survivors in the apocalypse, because if Dolores is real I don't buy no one else survived.

So Dolores shows up and see a Literal Child crying over the corpses of his family and assumes that Five is a fellow survivor, and she immediately grabs him up. Five is incoherent with grief at this point anyway, so he doesn't even protest when she basically hauls him away from the bodies. She's babbling at him, but he doesn't really hear anything she's saying

And then she takes him to her dad

(Why not, let's have the 1% potentially be a heritable thing)

and her dad, let's call him just some dad name. like Rick. it has been a fucking WEEK for him, okay. he had his daughter with him, his ex-wife is on the other coast for her work, and by some miracle he survived the apocalypse and so did his child, and he's been wracking his brains trying to figure out what the fuck to do next

and then his daughter shows up with a traumatized thirteen-year-old in tow

now rick is a good dude. he's a dad. they get out of five that his name is five ("what the fuck" dolores mouths to him over five's shoulder and rick can't help but agree) and the bodies he found were his siblings ("Dad and Ben and Vanya weren't there though," this child cries desperately and rick feels his own heart clench in response, "They might still be alive!")

"We can look for them." Rick assures his new adopted child, because he is an adult in a fresh apocalypse and this kid has presumably lost everything he's ever known (more than rick even knows at the time)

and they do. They each get wagons and they go out and find supplies and look for other survivors. Five is... surprisingly helpful and also surprisingly docile as he is able to rely on Someone Else to give orders while he attempts to (dissociate) process what the fuck has happened

and here's the thing: Five prides himself on being independent, sort of. He's independent for a child soldier, but he's used to taking orders from a male authority figure and Rick happens to be just that

The first time that Five does something dangerous and Rick yells is a revelation

(Rick isn't sure if he hopes that Five's dad is alive or not, because if they find that man alive then Rick might just kill the jackass himself. Also like, Five is bizarrely knowledgeable out survival skills, like way too knowledgeable about it, which is helpful for them but also very concerning)

they find a newspaper and Five finds the article that mentions his father's recent death ("Huh. Heart attack." Five says, and there is no emotion in his voice)

(Years later, years later, Five and Rick talk. "I don't think I wanted to find him, either." Five admits, softly because Dolores is asleep, "I think I was more scared of finding him alive than I was of finding his body. He would've been so mad at me, I think.")

this newspaper is how Rick and Dolores find out about Five being Number Five, Umbrella Academy Missing Person

"Dude, what the fuck." Dolores says, wide eyes, "You're like, thirty?"

"I'm thirteen." Five says, and then checks the date on the newspaper again, "Also I think I would technically be 29 if I lived through all of it, 'cause it's April and my birthday is in October."

"You... time travelled?" Rick asks, which is honestly the more relevant question, "Can you go back?"

And Five just,,, crumples on himself. Because he tried, he tried really hard. It didn't work. "I'm gonna figure it out. I'm gonna go back, I'm going to save them."

That, Rick thinks, is a lot of weight to put on one person's shoulders, but especially the shoulders of a child.

"Alright." Rick says, because what else can he say after finding out his new child has superpowers and is from like, 2004? "What do you need?"

("Oh my god I have so many memes to teach you." Dolores says later, reverently. Five blinks in confusion and Rick mentally prepares himself for the recitation of so many vines)

And it's easier, somehow. Five sometimes feels like it's a betrayal, but he settles into apocalypse life with an ease that surprises him.

He lets Rick fuss over him and help tie his scarf securely around his head every morning before he sets off on supply runs with Dolores. And they're kids! Five has never had a friend before, and Dolores is funny and smart and she's struggling just as much as he is.

"I don't know if my mom's alive." She says to him, in solidarity when he checks the face of every corpse to see if they're Vanya.

Five is practical in the way only a child soldier can be. He's economical with the room in their wagons, carefully examining what might and what might not be useful.

Dolores, on the other hand, constantly takes up space with what Five sees as useless shit.

"Excuse you," Dolores says, shoving a game of monopoly, the entire discworld series, and a pack of glitter gel pens into her wagon, "These are absolutely vital apocalypse supplies."

She challenges him, plays with him in a way no one ever has. "I bet you I can find more batteries today than you can," She grins at him, "Winner gets to pick dinner first?"

"You're on." Five says, directly before Dolores pulls two packs of 24 AA batteries from behind her back, like a cheat.

Dolores makes him take a ten minute break when they find a playground that has been mostly not-destroyed. They rummage around kids backpacks and mother's handbags for some good loot, too numb to corpses to even be bothered all that badly about the corpses they belong to.

"I'm getting on the swings." Dolores says when Five starts making noises about moving on, "I haven't been on a swingset in ages."

"What's the point?" Five grumps.

"Don't be sour because you can't swing as high as I can!" Dolores laughs, getting higher and higher as the swings creak ominously.

Five grumpily gets into the other swing and grudgingly kicks himself back and forth until Dolores takes pity on him and teaches him how to properly move his legs and body to get higher and higher.

Dolores jumps from the swing seat and lands with a flourish and smile. Five jumps out of his seat and then jumps, warping right in front of Dolores and making her yell and hit at him in outrage. Five smiles the widest he has all week.

This is how Five grows up in the apocalypse, with Dolores teasing him into taking breaks and leaning over his shoulder to look at his math and scandalizing him by stating that she'd only just started on matrices in her own high school math class.

Every night they huddle around Rick while he picks up whatever book Dolores picked out that day because it is a travesty that Five has never read hunger games or whatever, and then they read together because it would be a genuine blood bath if they all took turns. The first time Five accidentally mentioned a spoiler and Dolores genuinely considered murder was the birthday of this tradition

Some days the air is too smoky or there are dust storms or it's just plain too dangerous to go out, and they all stay in. Dolores regales Five with stories about public school, and Five tells them about his siblings.

Then they all cry

"I shouldn't be crying." Five sobs.

"Shut the fuck up," Dolores sobs back, "You literally watched me lose my shit over remembering my shitty eighth grade dance and listened to me sob-sing toxic for like four hours."

"In fairness I also wished you would shut up then."

"Let me hug you or I will start singing songs that I only remember the chorus for again you absolute fucker."

"I could always sing some -"

"No, Rick/Dad."

And Five grows up. Rick shows him how to shave very carefully in front of cracked mirrors. Dolores teases him every time his voice cracks. Rick tells Five in no uncertain terms that he loves and cares for him, and that Reginald was a little bitch. There are a lot of heartfelt conversations around that, honestly. Rick telling Five that he and the siblings deserved better, that they were children and deserved to have a childhood.

And that he has faith in Five. Rick and Dolores both do, they bring him back paper and pens and pencils and chalk and anything Five can use to write equations. They poke around any libraries for books on theoretical mathematics and quantum physics. Rick and Dolores go out scouting for food while Five stays home and can work longer.

They also make him take breaks, make sure that he's looking after himself.

They're a little better off than OG!Five when it comes to food, because some animals survive. Enough that Rick figures out how to hunt. Five is the first one to each bugs, and even though Dolores makes faces they all start eating bugs as well.

"Pretty sure there's loads of cultures that eat bugs." Rick says grudgingly, wondering if he should try stirfry the cockroaches and if that would improve the taste. "There's even, uh, cricket flour or whatever, right?"

"Plus you eat like, five spiders a year when you're asleep." Dolores says cheerfully, just to watch her dad's face scrunch up in displeasure.

"That doesn't sound true, but I don't know enough about spiders to dispute it." Five mutters, and Dolores gives him such a proud look that it makes him roll his eyes.

They're in their thirties when Rick dies. He's out foraging and hunting, and the rubble he's standing on gives way and he ends up with a gash in his leg. He manages to stop the bleeding, but the world is filthy and they don't have any antibiotics.

He gets an infection.

"It's okay." He tells both of his kids, "It's okay. I'm just so glad that you guys have each other, y'hear? I'm so glad."

"It's not okay." Five says, voice thick and choked, "It's not."

"Yeah, well, you're going to figure out how to go back, right? Go back in time and save everyone. Then I'll have never died, right?" Rick smiles, "And even if you don't, I'll be waiting for you on the other side and we'll see each other again anyway."

"I'm going to fix it."

"I know. I have faith in you, Five." Ricks says honestly, and that's more than Reginald ever said.

They sit quietly together while Dolores is out scavenging. They've been taking turns sitting with Rick.

"I won't remember you, in the past, will I?" Rick says rhetorically, but Five answers anyway.

"I don't think so."

Rick hums, "Well, doesn't matter. If you need help in the past, you come to me, y'hear?"

"You won't remember me."

"Doesn't matter. You come find me, and you tell me your crazy story until I believe you, and then I'll help you." Rick says firmly, "You're family. You're my son. Timelines? Don't matter. If you need help, with anything, even if it's just with - with filling out a bowling team or something -"

"I have never been bowling in my life and you know it." Five interrupts, but it makes him laugh just a little bit which was clearly Rick's intention.

"Well who knows what you'll get up to in the past! You'll be able to go bowling, you know. Get to wear those uncomfortable shoes. Hey, you go far enough back maybe you can go to Dolores's tenth birthday party and put me out of my misery."

"Was she bad at bowling?"

"Oh, she was wiping the floor with me. No contest."

"Honestly, that sounds absolutely accurate."

"Shut up, bowling just wasn't my sport. Regardless, the point was that I'm giving you a free pass to come and get me. Because I know you, I know how you think." Rick brings up his hand to tap his finger against Five's forehead, "You get it into your head that you need to go it alone, take it all on your shoulders. I'm telling you that if you do that I'll somehow manifest my memories and come smack you over the head for being stupid, you hear?"

"I'm not dragging you into anything." Five says firmly, "I'll have my siblings."

"Who were also children." Rick points out. "And dragging? Dragging is such a strong word for a volunteer."

"A volunteer who won't remember volunteering." Five shoots back.

Rick just shrugs, and then winces when the movement jolts his bad leg. "Five, I'm going to be honest with you here. And sappy. Can you handle a bit of sappiness for a minute?"

"No."

"Well too bad. Can't leave a dying man, you'd feel too bad. So you're stuck with me. But you listen good, okay? Because you aren't dragging me into anything. Whatever life you have, I want to have a part of that. Because you're my son. Wherever you are, whatever you do, I want to help because you're family. What you'd be doing by leaving me out of it is depriving me of someone I love, depriving me of knowing one of the best kids I've ever known."

"Shut up." Five says, choked.

"Nope, it's sappy time." Rick states, "Maybe asking you to come find me is selfish, but I don't care. No matter what version of me exists, I want to be in your life."

"My life is a walking joke, why would you want any part of that?"

"It has been my privilege to watch you grow up. To help you. To be here for you. Of course I'd want to be there to watch you grow up the rest of the way."

"But -"

"Shut up, just let me tell you that I am so proud of you. You never give up, and your heart is so big. You love so much and so loudly, and it's been the highest honor of my life to be included in your family."

Five pauses for a moment to collect himself before simply saying - "You're the best dad I've ever had."

Rick snorts, "Considering my competition, I'd sure hope so. That bar was so low old Reggie was practically limbo dancing with the devil. Now get over here and give an old man a hug."

They don't bury Rick, when he dies. They don't have time and the ground is too hard and they don't have the heart to move him. Instead the pack everything up and seal him in the shelter they'd lived in.

Dolores pulls out a bottle of ancient nail polish and painstakingly writes Rick's name on the wall with his birth year and an approximate current year. They aren't 100% sure though, since time blends together out in the apocalypse, but it's something.

They continue by themselves. They get older.

Dolores jokingly calls him her husband because the way his face scrunches up makes her cackle. They see other people very occasionally, usually passing through. Usually groups. Dolores and Five get to flex their hosting skills, though more than one group declines their cockroach stirfry.

("It's a family recipe." Five says with amusement in his eyes that usually manages to drown out old grief.)

"Jeeze, that kid couldn't have been older'n twenty-three." Dolores complains, "Makes me feels positively ancient."

"They wouldn't have known any world 'cept for the apocalypse." Five muses, pouring some boiled water into wine glasses because they might be living in the apocalypse but they can be fancy.

"Do you ever think about that?" Dolores asks, turning to him with no judgement, just curiosity. "When you go back, you'll be like, erasing them from existence."

Five shrugs, "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe this place will just split off into an alternate timeline."

"Maybe none of this is real." Dolores says, amusement coloring her voice. "Maybe you aren't talking to a real person at all. Maybe this is just a symbol of your insanity and cracked mind."

"Dolores, I literally have a scar where you stabbed me. Did I somehow manage to stab myself in the back?"

"Scraped you, I scraped you. By accident."

"So you maintain." Five says haughtily, swirling his water in his wine glass like a pretentious prick.

"I could totally be fake. You don't know my life."

"I know way too much about you, Dolores. Like, way way too much." Five scoffs, because Dolores and him have literally no secrets from one another at this point. Five even knows the truth behind what happened at Janet Scranton's thirteenth birthday party. Like, he said, way too much.

"Maybe you made it up. Maybe that's why you know so much."

"Dolores, I'm going to be honest with you right now." Five presses the tips of his fingers to his chin, "If you were a figment of my imagination, you would be so much better at math."

"Hey!" Dolores squawks indignantly, "I didn't even get to finish high school you pretentious prick!"

"Neither did I!"

"You didn't even go to high school, you brat."

"I'm fifty-two I think I've outgrown 'brat.'"

"Tell that to your attitude." Dolores says haughtily, "You're still younger than me."

"Won't be when I go back in time." Five says cheerfully, completely ignoring Dolores's venomous look.

"That's cheating."

"Sucks to suck." Five says loftily, taking another sip of his water.

Sometimes they talk about The Plan, with capital letters. What Five is going to do when he goes back in time, depending on when he pops out. Is he going to adopt his siblings? What about Reginald?

"You don't think I could kill Reginald?" Five says, holding a hand to his chest in mock offense.

"I think you should let me do it. I'll even give you control of tonight's music if you do."

"What are you doing to do? Bite his ankles? What if you're like, seven or something?"

"All the better to get away with it since I'll be too young to convict or whatever."

"Pretty sure that's not how the law works."

"How would you know? Just for that I'm playing Istanbul on repeat again."

"I don't know why you think that's a threat. That song slaps."

It takes a few more years before Five is close enough that the Commission comes to interfere. Because that's what I think happened - Five was getting too close and they stepped in because they might as well distract the man as much as they can with missions, right?

So the Handler shows up. And she offers Five a job, telling him that they have the ability to travel through time. And Five - hesitates.

"Give me some time?" Five asks, and the Handler graciously gives him 24 hours.

And he and Dolores talk it over, because now that his goal is more in sight than it has ever been and Five is scared.

"What are you waiting for? You have the chance to see your siblings again." Dolores says patiently.

"Yeah," Five says, and what he doesn't say is clear. But I won't see you.

"Five." Dolores says, and she cradles his face between her palms like he is something precious, "I have had so much time with you already. More than I would have ever. We have been so lucky, to have this time. How can I demand more than what we have already been given?"

"When have you ever not demanded the world, Dolores?" Five asks, his own hand coming up to cover Dolores's own.

"We've had decades together, Five. We're getting old. I was always going to lose you, one way or another. Nothing lasts forever."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I know. But if I had to choose a way, if I could decide where our story ends, this would be it. Letting you go, because this way you get to live. You get to see your family again. You get to save the world. I could ask for nothing more than for you to get your happy ending."

Five removes Dolores's hand from his cheek so that he can cradle it between them, "I'm happy here with you. I've never been happier. Isn't that silly? That I was happier in the apocalypse?"

"I bet killing Reggie would make you happy." Dolores laughs rustily.

"One day you're going to see the mysterious disappearance of a famous billionaire in the paper and feel a twinge of satisfaction and now have a clue why." Five laughs as well, shaking his head.

Dolores pats Five's hands, "Five, look at me. We've had our time. And you're going to give me even more of it. More time with my father. More time with my mother. I'll never know it, but you'll have saved me."

"What if this is - what if this is an alternate reality? What if I leave you here alone?"

"Then you'll be saving a 15-year-old girl from the same fate as me. Because as much as I love you, as much as I have loved this time we have had together, this is still an apocalypse. This should never have happened, and if you have a chance to go back and prevent it, then I want you to take that chance with both hands."

"Even if it means leaving you alone?"

Dolores smiles at him, "I'm not going to be alone. Far too many creepy crawlies in the apocalypse for that."

"Shut up, I'm being serious."

"Hmm." Dolores hums consideringly, "Maybe I'll head North, to that new settlement that last group said they'd heard word of. Sure they'd find some use for an old woman who's survived this long in the wilderness."

"You can have my half of the record collection." Five says, pulling her against him into a hug that she easily returns.

"As if I wouldn't have stolen them as soon as you left." She scoffs, but it's a little wet, and Five pretends his own eyes aren't leaking tears.

When The Handler comes back, Dolores gives him another hug. She also slips something into his pocket - some photos. They'd taken it a year into the apocalypse, when Dolores had found an ancient looking polaroid camera and towed it home despite Five's protests about practicality. The photos are worn and faded at the edges, but the smiles on Five's little apocalypse family's faces are undeniable.

"You'll have to see if they magically fade when you change the timeline." Dolores whispers to him with a grin, "Like in the movies."

"Okay." Five whispers back.

"You have the list of movies to watch, right?" Dolores says. Five rolls his eyes and nods because he wrote the list last night into his Vanya-book while Dolores hovered over his shoulder and critiqued his handwriting.

"And you promise to try a proper non-expired twinkie at some point?"

"That I do not promise. I think even looking at one would make me lose my lunch. I have twinkie-trauma."

"Shut up and get going." Dolores says, because the Handler is starting to tap her foot impatiently.

And off Five goes to become an assassin. Though - he's much more gentle this time. He's careful, he doesn't kill children and he usually takes jobs that don't require killing at all. He distracts and manipulates events as much as he can without killing.

He's actually much more well socialized, thanks to Rick and Dolores. Less feral child and more determined man on a mission.

Which is why he's so frustrated when he finally, finally manages to get the equations to work and falls through and falls - directly back into his stupid thirteen-year-old body.

"Shit." Five says, loudly, and revels in the surprised look on his siblings faces.

He strides into the kitchen, and they all follow him like ducklings. They look exactly the way they did when they died.

"Wow this is actually way harder than I thought it would be." Five muses, looking at their dead faces. But as Dolores would say, life is hard but you have to keep on trucking sometimes. "Whatever, what's the date?"

"Five, where have you been?" Diego demands, looking irritated. It makes Five snort in amusement.

"The future. The past. If you want like, an exact list of dates you'll have to hold your horses. I spent like, two weeks in Peru once. No souvenirs though, unfortunately."

They look taken aback, like they didn't expect Five to have quite this much sass. Oops. That is definitely Dolores's influence. Or maybe he was always a little asshole. In fairness, what teenagers aren't tiny assholes? He has an excuse.

"What the fuck does that mean?" Diego's eyebrows are furrowed in anger. It kind of takes Five aback for a second, because he remembers a Diego who stutters when he argued.

"When did you learn the fuck-word?" Five asks, raising an eyebrow before her can help it, "Grace ought to wash your mouth out with soap."

Diego immediately goes red, "Shut up!"

"Wow you're so easy to rile up. Aren't you like, twenty-something? Actually, I could figure out for myself how old you are if you gave me the date."

"I'm twenty-nine." Diego growls, like that was the point.

"Haunting!" Five says cheerfully, because that means there is way less time than he would like, narrowing his time down to a six month window.

It's extremely funny how his cheer makes all of them make faces.

It's Klaus who leans forward, "Why do you need to know?"

Klaus's face is open and curious and - (looks exactly like he did when Five found him all those years ago) - and Five can't help but answer him. "The world end on April 1st, 2019. No it isn't an April Fools joke, yes I have heard that joke like a million different times. I just want to know how close I landed so I can, you know, start working on how to fix that."

"Woah woah woah, roll it back." Allison says, holding a hand up, "What?"

"The apocalypse occurs on April 1st, 2019." Five says, slowly. "I have traveled from afar to prevent this from happening, because like, everyone dies."

"Everyone?" Vanya says weakly from the side.

She's clearly expecting to be ignored, so Five turns his head to address her directly by wiggling his hand back and forth a little. "Sort of. Like, not too many people survive at all. A handful of the human population, you know."

"But you survived?" Diego recovers admirably, if bitingly.

"Well, no." Five says rolling his eyes, "Wouldn't you just know it, Klaus here has managed to figure out a new ability!"

Everyone turns to look at Klaus, who immediately holds up his hands like he's being arrested or something, "I did not!"

"Wonderful! Now that we've established that I'm alive -"

"Why should we trust a word you say?" Luther says for the first time, looking pensive.

Five blinks, genuinely taken aback. "Because... I'm your brother? Because I can clearly and obviously time travel? Like, yeah, it would have been more convenient if I'd arrived in like, my old-body for proof-purposes, but like. I mean. Thirteen is still a pretty convincing age to be to prove time travel considering if I hadn't, I would be like, almost thirty."

"Roll it back again." Allison says firmly, "What do you mean by 'old body'?"

"Great question!" Five says pointing at Allison and smiling. Everyone looks at him weird again, and Five takes a moment to wonder if they've ever experienced positive reinforcement. Knowing Reginald, probably not. "Wait! Is Reggie alive? Wait, no, answer that in a second. Uh. When I time traveled I fucked up my body I guess, I was like, old. White hair and wrinkles-type old from spending decades in the apocalypse. But I fucked up the calculations and got booted back to my thirteen-year-old body, I guess. How, I have no idea."

"What?" Vanya says, still equally weakly.

"You have no idea how fucked up time travel is." Five whispers conspiratorially to Vanya, loud enough for the whole table to hear, "There are so many ways to die. Or permanently tear a hold in space time. But like, with life as we know if ending soon-ish, I figured I couldn't possibly fuck it up worse than it already was, y'know? Speaking of, anyone have the date again?"

"Wait, what was that about dad?" Luther asks, very focused.

"Oh, you still call him dad? Big oof." Five says automatically, because apparently his verbal filter is shot to hell after living with Dolores. It does make Klaus bark out a too-loud laugh.

"What does that mean?" Luther asks aggressively.

"It means Reginald sucks and doesn't deserve the title of 'dad,' what did you think I meant?" Five asks, and now both Diego and Vanya and both cracking smiles, though Vanya is covering hers with a hand.

"Have some respect for the dead." Luther growls, standing up and looking very large and threatening.

Five sways back, craning his head up, "Woah there big buy, sit down before I injure my poor growing spine looking up at you. Jeeze, did Reggie force feed you steroids or something? I wouldn't put it past him but like, I just want to know he at least went over the side effects of the drug with you. Also like, thanks for narrowing it down. Also terrifying! Seriously though, exact date please because if I have less than 24 hours I am going to break down crying and that is a threat."

"I love this Five." Klaus says reverently.

"March 21st." Vanya offers, finally.

"Wow! Terrifying!" Five says, clapping his hands together, "Hate that. Ten days, huh? Well, who wants to get on board the save-the-world express?"

Klaus immediately flings his hand in the air, Five points at his brother appreciatively. "Yes, excellent! I'll take the volunteer in the lovely skirt as my first team member. Any other volunteers?"

"Danke!" Klaus simpers, grinning widely like this is the vest entertainment he's had in weeks.

"I'm not just going to stand here and listen to you badmouth dad and boss us around." Luther slams his hands on the table.

"Well not with that attitude." Five snarks.

Diego raises his hand, "I would like to join team fuck dad as well."

"We can certainly debate team names later." Five says, nodding wisely as Luther gives some sort of scandalized gasp.

"Honestly, I just want to see where this is going." Klaus confesses.

Five shrugs, because he doesn't really care about the reason. "Don't you want to prove me wrong them? Prove what a well-adjusted young man Reginald Hargreeves raised?"

"Shut up." Luther grinds out, looking a moment away from throwing a punch.

"If this is all true, I have to get home." Allison cuts in, looking concerned, "I have - I have a daughter."

"I mean, if you want to give Claire a world to live in then I'd stick around, but that's just me." Five shrugs.

"You know her name?" Allison asks, obviously taken aback.

Five is almost offended, "Uh, yeah. I have her photo as well. Y'all get on like, a bizarre number of gossip magazine covers did you know that?"

Allison manages to outdo herself in terms of being taken aback once more.

There's a beat of silence, and then Five turns, "Vanya? You in?"

"Me?" Vanya blinks, looking shocked. "What can I do?"

"Yeah, what can she do?" Diego asks, crossing his arms and suddenly looking grumpy.

It baffles Five, who scrunches his nose, "Uh, like, a lot? I assume? I mean. I'm going to be honest here, just looking at y'all right now is a lot. In more ways than one! Hashtag trauma and all that, but like, name a single one of you that wouldn't be the most obvious person in the room as soon as you walked into it. Except Vanya, who somehow manages to look like a well adjusted adult, by some miracle."

"Did you just verbally say the word hashtag?" Allison asks, looking so deeply confused.

"More concerned about the trauma he tacked onto there, but y'know, to each their own." Klaus immediately cuts in.

"You think I'm well-adjusted?" Vanya asks, looking oddly touched.

"I would like to direct your attention to Diego's leather pants-scowl combo and Luther's general aura of daddy-issues." Five says pointedly, "I can practically smell the tragic comic book backstory in this room. If I'd jumped back a decade earlier this would have been Batman's wet dream of orphan selection."

"Alright! Game plan!" Five says, waving Diego's knife in his hand.

Diego's hands immediately go to his weird harness looking thing, "Hey!"

"Give me just one moment to get the tracker out." Five rolls his eyes, "Then I'll give it back, I promise. Also if someone could ask Grace for like, some antibiotics that would be good."

"What?" Allison asks, directly before Five stabs himself and there is suddenly panic at the table.

"Relax!" Five says, allowing Diego to remove the knife from his hands. He doesn't need it anyway and his hand immediately drops down to root in the wound.

"Five what the fuck!" Diego yells, but Five just pulls up bloody fingers and waves the tracker into Diego's stupefied face.

"What the fuck is that, Five?" Allison demands, looking very shaken.

"I literally just said it was a tracker." Five points out, "Now, I think our first team activity should be voting on whether we destroy it or take it out to bumfuck nowhere and ditch it to confuse the Commission."

"What the fuck is the Commission?" Diego barks.

"Man. Maybe I should just hit up Rick." Five muses, "This is going to take so much explaining."

"Who is Rick."

"So much explaining."

#survivors au #well adjusted five au #five actually has some social skills!#and an idea of what an actual parent looks like as well #klaus absolutely adores this version of five #who quotes vines and uses gen z slang with the best of them #five has been reliably informed that public education is worse than the apocalypse #but he's also pretty sure working with his family is worse as well #five: i have so much trauma lol #klaus: oh big same #vanya: mood #five is somehow the most well adjusted hargreeves #and the most responsible #he doesn't legally exist and he doesn't pay taxes but somehow he has his shit together #five showing up at rick's house: you don't know me but i know you in the future #rick: what the fuck #five: don't make me bring up bethany midler from highschool because you gave me so many embarrassing stories to convince yourself with #rick: okay okay i believe you and you are???#five: your son from the future lol what's up dad want to help save the world #five arriving back at the manor like: WHAT'S UP LOSERS RICK IS NOW YOUR DAD TOO BC GOD KNOWS Y'ALL NEED AN ACTUAL FATHER FIGURE #klaus calls rick a dilf and five kidney punches him hard enough that klaus can't even properly introduce himself #it's better for everyone that way #delores: 15 and ready to fuck someone up #delores: i'm not staying with this weirdo (diego) while you go off with my dad #five threateningly: don't make me bring up what really happened to dad's good suit in 2012 #delores: i will stay right here #rick: wait WHAT happened to my good suit #five: unimportant don't you want to save the world #long post #far tua long

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cricketnationrise · 3 years

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Books I read in quarantine: Part 1

So on Friday, March 13, 2020 something not that chill happened. We all know what that was. Anyway for me the silver lining was that I got a lot of my TBR knocked out by not being at work. I read over 150 books from mid-march to mid-october.

1. We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: yes, it had been on my list for a while, yes it was awesome, yes, its still worth the read

2. Dragonquest by Anne McCaffrey: eh. listen. she’s one of the most prominent women in fantasy/sci-fi writing and that’s great. and maybe some the later books aren’t quite such a product of their time. but there are some aspects to the dragon “bonding” that feel especially uncomfortable and there’s a lot of violence toward women. so.

3. Briar’s Book by Tamora Pierce: I was in the midst of a Circle of Magic reread. Unfortunately for me, this one is about a plague. It’s still one of the best CoM books and I enjoy it immensely. Its definitely going to be harder to read from now on

4. The Tiger’s Daughter by K. Arsenault Rivera: loved this. empress and ruler of the steppes as lesbians that also battle demons? i needed a family tree, but that’s normal for me. still need to get to the next one in this series.

5. Fablehaven by Brandon Mull: middle grade fantasy novel. i hesitate to say lighthearted because there are definitely some heavy themes, but all the fantasy creatures you encounter are cool AF and this one at least doesn’t end on a cliffhanger.

6. Magic Steps by Tamora Pierce: less strong than some of the others in the Emelan series, but has some cool worldbuilding that got better fleshed out in the Beka Cooper Tortall books. featuring UNMAGIC. v dark. also dance magic. and romance between two older characters

7. The Bookshop on the Corner by Jenny Colgan: delightful romance, not super explicit, very wish fulfillment if your wish is to run away from your life in london and live off the proceeds of a mobile bookstore in a tiny town. which. is not unappealing.

8. Street Magic by Tamora Pierce: features 9 cats, street urchins, and a VERY TERRIFYING wealthy widow straight up murdering kids for fun and games, stone magic

9. Scythe by Neal Shusterman: okay so take our world and then solve all physical ailments and have everything run by the cloud. except that death is still a thing but only if you are picked by a Scythe. first book in a trilogy. fast paced, amazing, violent (someone gets their head cut off), standard dystopia stuff. you’ll want to have the next two books ON YOUR SHELF

10. Wink Poppy Midnight by April Genevieve Tucholke: there is definitely someone out there who will like this more than me. one of them is my roommate. it was just too dark of a friendship/enemyship for me. lots of unreliable narrators. and like, they were just kind of horrible to each other? the actual plot was kinda cool and i definitely would have liked it more if it ended lighter

11. The Word for World is Forest by Ursula K. LeGuin: a giant of fantasy and science fiction. this was my first of her sci-fi stuff and the first of the hainish cycle that i’ve read. quick read. definitely makes you think.

12. The Haunting of Tram Car 015 by P. Djèlí Clark: number two in a series, but i didn’t know that going in. absolutely going to read the others. a cairo where all sorts of spirits and demons exist and actively interact with the “normal” world.

13. The Girl Who Reads on the Métro by Christine Féret-Fleury: i’ve never been to france but this feels VERY french. magical realism about bringing the right book to the perfect reader. super cute.

14. Fire Starter by P. Anastasia: first of a series. i wanted to like this better based on the magic system. romance felt forced. also it turned out to be aliens. which like, not a problem, but don’t spend 100 pages telling me its magic and then boom alien virus. maybe the others are better, but i’m not going to find out.

15. The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros: i had to read this in middle school and definitely didn’t appreciate it enough. highly recommended.

16. A Witch’s Guide to Escape: A Practical Compendium of Portal Fantasies by Alix E. Harrow: a fantastic short story about reading, libraries, magic and supporting teenagers who need it. you can read it online or as part of Apex Magazine Issue 105 from Feb 2018.

17. On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden: really long graphic novel about a found family in space trying to do a good job repairing various buildings and stuff. enough queer content for anybody really. gorgeous art.

18. Doughnut by Tom Holt: book 1 in the YouSpace series. very discworld-esq except that its our own world plus a pocket dimension that’s only accessible with a lot of math and a prayer. hilarious at times, but a decidedly darker tone than discworld so just be aware if that’s not what youre looking for

19. The Girl Who Could Move Sh*t with Her Mind by Jackson Ford: teenage girl in california has powers that let her move things with her mind. works as part of a government program with a whole band of misfits. she thought she was the only one and then someone else starts doing crime (TM) and murder with telekinesis and she has to stop them. found family toward the end. graphic violence toward the end. wildfires.

20. Ballad of the Whiskey Robber: A True Story of Bank Heists, Ice Hockey, Transylvanian Pelt Smuggling, Moonlighting Detectives, and Broken Hearts by Julian Rubinstein: what it says on the tin, basically. NONFICTION. this dude in europe had way too many day jobs that were actually crime and his story is WILD. last update i saw was that he was still alive, paroled from jail, and making pottery??

21. The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon: 800+ pages of epic eastern fantasy. some dragons. a witchy big bad. betrayal. queer romance as a main plotline. magic. seriously good.

22. Transcription by Kate Atkinson: flashback within a flashback within a flashback and reversing that path as you move through the book. woman just wants a secretary job during the war. somehow ends up as a spy??? i liked it, i keep meaning to get more of her books

23. Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire: first in the wayward children series. under 200 pages if you’re looking for a quick read. what happens to kids that have gone through a door, had an adventure, and then forced back into our world? they don’t quite fit. and when that happens they go to Eleanor West’s School. fantastic series that is still being added to (number 7 comes out next year). can be very dark/sinister at times. but theres a lot of queer representation and found family stuff to balance out.

24. Down Among the Sticks and Bones by Seanan McGuire: book 2 in the wayward children series. focuses on Jack and Jill’s backstory of their time before book 1. they are from The Moors where a Vampire Lord and a Mad Scientist are battling against each other to keep the balance of the world with a village of innocents between them

25. Go Fish by Ian Rogers: short story published on Tor.com about a group of paranormal investigators. there’s a fish factory that no one will go in because it’s haunted and/or cursed and people have been dying from going in there

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rosenfey · 4 years

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— tagged by the sweet @myrcella, thank you so much, aurora! 🎀

Dogs or cats? CATS ALL THE WAY, BABY! 🐈🐈🐈🐈 I don’t hate dogs or anything, I just don’t really care for them. There is ONE (1) exception tho and it’s the best dog there is, and being a 100% cat lady, the only dog I would ever want to own and that’s the white swiss shepherd. big. fluffy. white. looks like a wuuuulf. 🐺 [just look at HIM, he majestic].

YouTube celebrities or normal celebrities? i try to avoid any celebrity exposure to preserve my last dying brain cell

If you could choose to live anywhere, where would it be? P R O V E N C E. in a tiny cozy house with a lavender garden. sipping wine dressed mildly slutty like in a renaissance painting. petting my 3+ cats. living my best life in the sunlight. 🍷☀️

Disney or Dreamworks? *shrug emoji*

Favorite childhood TV show? witch

The movie you’re looking forward to in 2020? the green knight has me all 👀👀👀

Favorite book you read in 2019? what are books and how do you read them (i was preoccupied by compulsory uni literature and i hated all of it :/)

Marvel or DC? i don’t know the difference between marvel and dc and at this point i’m too afraid to ask (no i’m not, i enjoy living in this state where i’m unaffected by things like end game)

If you chose Marvel, favorite member of the X-Men? myself

Night or day? i’m a certified sun thot, exposure to sunlight gives me serotonin, so day it is! ☀️☀️☀️☀️

Favorite Pokémon? rapidash. it’s a unicorn, okay 🦄🦄🦄 (also shout out to wooper and the ones that look like deer. and shiinotic. it’s a mushroom 😊)

Top 5 bands/artists? it’s impossible to rate them or come up with a definitive list, but right now it’s: des rocs, welshly arms, saint mesa, barns courtney, the phantoms (i live for blues rock, country and rock ‘n roll)

Top 10 books? literally anything from the discworld series by terry pratchett (namely witches abroad and reaper man) + the world without end by ken follett (it broke my heart but it was so good)

Top 4 movies? i’m more of a series gal, but: little women, the vvitch, down periscope, city of ember

US or Europe? europe has such a lush and intricate history (and CASTLE RUINS! we have CASTLE RUINS) that cannot be find in the us, yet the us’ utterly unique countriside gives me so many comfe vibes (and it has cowboys, yeehaw); i can’t really choose but i have this inner desire to travel through the entire us, it gives me strong feelings of wanderlust just thinking about it (and cowboys 🤠🤠🤠)

Tumblr or Twitter? tumblr, i have never ever used twitter in my life

Favorite vacation destination? PROVENCE (+ anywhere in france tbh), also us, oceania, spain (love me some warm sunlit countries!)

Favorite YouTuber? i don’t watch many english-speaking youtubers, but i love foil arms and hog (irish humor is unprecedented and i will die on this hill)

Favorite author? myself ✌️

Tea or coffee? T E A ☕☕☕ (especially black tea with lemon and honey, i drink that almost every day)

OTP? we do only oc x canon / oc x oc ships in this house (my main pairing is deborah x john seed; it’s fine tho, i only literally think about them every single minute of every single day) 💕

Do you play an instrument or sing? i used to play the concert flute but that was a while back; i sing a lot and have a soft, pleasant voice, but i have never tried it professionally so my technigue isn’t that good, i do it just for fun (went to a choir then found out we would only sing songs i hated so im singing at home, annoying everyone around me, but that’s not my problem)

— tagging (only if they want to): @fantasmagoriam, @blueraptorsmain, @zephyrcrowthorne, @ciriofcintras, @cryptcombat, @jennystahl, @chuckhansen, @troyebakers, @kylooren, @joz-stankovich, @callmeredhood, @lelianasgf and anyone else who feels like it! ☀️☀️☀️

#ambie got tagged #c'est moi

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savvyscrivener · 6 years

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Another tag game

This time I was tagged by @lvbwrites! Thank you for the tag~

Name: Lee or Savvy Nicknames: ...Savvy, mostly. I don’t have many nicknames, haha, but I go by Savvy online. Gender: Fluid. In the process of figuring it out. Zodiac Sign: Virgo Aquarius Moon, Gemini Rising Height: 165 cm (5′5″) Languages: English is the only on I claim any sort of fluency in. I know a smattering of Spanish, am intermediate/vaguely conversational in French, have a tiny bit of Korean and Japanese, and studied Latin in middle and high school. I want to learn: French, Spanish, Italian, German, Japanese, Korean, Mandarin, Russian, Arabic. Let it never be said I’m not ambitious as all hells. Favorite Fruits: I love fruit. I’m especially fond of peaches, cherries, strawberries, apples, and watermelon. Favorite Scents: I really love sandalwood. Also jasmine, old books+leather, and spicy-sweet scents like cinnamon and cloves. Oh, and gardenia. Favorite Season: Probably autumn, or cooler summers. Favorite Color: I like most colors except yellow. But especially forest green, slate or charcoal grey, and navy blue. Favorite Animal: My patronus was a red fox, but I also love cats. Someday I will have a pet cat. I like otters a lot, too. Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Tea. Or hot chocolate. Or apple cider. But always tea. Average Hours of Sleep: Anywhere between 7-9. I sleep a lot. Favorite Fictional Characters: So, so many. ... so many. Like, multiple from each series so many. But as for ones I hard core identify with--Milo Thatch from Atlantis, Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds, Arram Draper in Tempests and Slaughter by Tamora Pierce. Characters who inspire me or I want to be like, Martin from The Tales of Redwall, as well as Himura Kenshin from Rurouni Kenshin, Keladry from the Protector of the Small quartet, Hiccup from How to Train Your Dragon, Granny Weatherwax, Tiffany Aching, Sam Vimes, and Carrot Ironfounderson from Terry Pratchett’s Discworld, Steve Rogers (though I’ve been told I am very like skinny Steve already.) Number of Blankets I Sleep with: Right now? Two. Sometimes three. The midwest hasn’t gotten the memo that April is a spring month. Blog Created: This one? Last week. Literally. What I Post: All my writing stuff: references, art and inspiration pictures, snippets, #relatable writer feelings, my fanfiction, other people’s writing, quotations, etc. Favorite Songs: “Praying” by Kesha, “Neptune,” “Jupiter,” and “Saturn” by Sleeping at Last, “The Green Fields of France” by the High Kings, “Seamstress” by Dessa, “For the Dancing and the Dreaming” from How to Train Your Dragon, “Traveling Song” and “Constellations” by Ryn Weaver. Favorite Artists: Visually? I’m a huge fan of the Impressionist movement, honestly--van Gogh and Monet. I love everything I’ve ever heard and read about Artemesia Gentileschi, and there are a fair few fantastic authors I follow on tumblr as well--as a kid, I loved Amy Brown’s fairy works. Go look at Aerorwen’s stuff (I’m doing a collab with them!), as well as Charmingly Antiquated (of Elsewhere University fame), and Tea Fox Illustrations. Favorite Books: Save me from this question. In the words of Neil Gaiman, being asked your favorite book is like being asked which limb you’d least like to lose. On that note, if I could only save one book in my house from the fire, it would probably be either Mossflower, by Brian Jacques (the influence in my life I’ve only really realized over the last four or so months) or Night Watch. I read a lot of fantasy, a decent amount of sci fi, a decent amount of historical fiction, murder mysteries, various nonfiction books, and “classic” literature. Can’t quite escape my English major training. Last Movie I Watched: I Kill Giants, which was fascinating and glorious. Last Thing I Googled: “pokemon number 83″ (Farfetched, apparently.) On my computer, “inches to centimeters,” because I didn’t know how tall I was in centimeters. Haha. Do I Get Asks: No. (cries) I’m awkward and afraid to approach people. Followers: On this blog? 20. Lucky Number: None, really? I mean. I don’t know. Instruments: I played flute through middle school and part of high school, and I’m trying to pick up guitar. I’d love to learn how to play piano/keyboard, though. And I sing. Badly. Dream Job: I want to own one of those tiny used bookstores that’s full of winding passages and possibly interdimensional portals. That, or work for NASA. (or a college professor). Definitely an author. Dream Trip: I want to just... leave. I want to take trains all over Europe and Asia without worrying about income or when I have to go back to the US. Backpack with minimal supplies and lots of walking, just go anywhere and everywhere. There are so many places I want to go, someday. Hair Color: Brown! Mostly. It’s cut short right now, and the ends are still a bit bleached from the last time I dyed it.

#about me #tomfoolery

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wnnbdarklord · 7 years

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Dear Trick or Treak 2017 creator

Hi there! I’m so glad you’ll be creating something for me. This is my first year participating, but I’m sure everything is going to go great :D

Below, you’ll find a list of my general likes, dislikes and fandom specific prompts. Happy creating!

General Likes: Polyamory, gen, het, slash, femslash, families of choice, competence, BAMF female characters, angst, hurt/comfort, teamfic, pretty much all the tropes especially if there is a twist, worldbuilding, humor, redemption, for want of a nail AUs, time travel, werewolves, crossovers, non fantasy/SF canons encountering the supernatural/aliens, fix it fics, etc.

Smut is fine, but I’d prefer that the focus is not on that.

General Dislikes: I’m not a great fan of permanent character death, rape, torture porn, underage stuff, infidelity, humiliation, character bashing, ship bashing, no powers AUs, love triangles, fake married/dating, incest, power imbalances in relationships, hate sex, hardcore kinks, necrophilia, PWP, abuse, fusions, zombies, 1st person POV

Crossovers: I love crossovers! Feel free to crossover any fandom here in any combination. I've elaborated more on crossover specific things in my Crossovering letter, so if you're feeling inspired to crossover, feel free to take a look:

http://wnnbdarklord.tumblr.com/post/163153222375/dear-crossovering-2017-creator

Trick likes: To keep with the theme of the exchange, I'd love to get some darker stuff. Spooky stories, mysteries, horror, body horror, WEREWOLVES (all my love if you get some werewolves in there, whether the canon has them or not), creepy mythology and gods, ghosts, monsters, magic, sacrifices, ancient and abandoned places, grim takes on lighthearted canons or alternately grim events that keep the lighthearted tone of the canon, dark consequences to canon events (psychological or otherwise), dragons, sudden disappearance of the supernatural in fantasy/SF canons and the consequences and the reverse in non fantasy/SF canons, immortality, shapeshifting, apocalypses

Trick Do Not Wants: ZOMBIES. I'm pretty mellow about most things, since my dislikes are mostly covered above. But just...no zombies. Ever.

Treat likes: characters getting along and bantering, OT3s, characters not dying when they were supposed to, healing (especially if the canon is a relentless shitshow usually), happy or at least hopeful endings, found family, exploring the world/universe, friendly encounters with the supernatural/aliens, ancient knowledge regained with a good outcome, people working together, pets, sudden appearance of the supernatural in fantasy/SF canons in a good or funny way, magic returning to the world, rebuilding after an apocalypse

Art: I'm pretty sure I'd love any art! I love sketchy styles with maybe just a splash of color to draw the eye. As for subject matter, I'd love to see any scenes from the fandom specific prompts or stuff from my likes. Characters being affectionate, gentle touches, characters as werewolves, characters in fancy dress/costumes, characters doing magic are also all welcome.

Fandom specific prompts:

Crimson Peak: I am probably one of the few people requesting this fandom wanting happy, hopeful or silly things and completely disinterested in the fucked up dynamics between Thomas and Lucille.

Anything post canon would be great! What happens to the house? Does Edith get on with her life? Do the other ghosts find peace?

Or maybe an AU where Lucille never left the mental institution? What do the other characters' lives turn out like then?

For something more crack, consider this post: http://romanticdaydreams.tumblr.com/post/129166110088/i-saw-this-on-my-professors-door-and-i-cant-even I'd love crack takes on gothic for this fandom! Maybe Lucille and Thomas try to pull of their scheme again, but things keep comically going wrong?

Frozen: Anything based on this where Anna succeeds and Hans falls in love with her: http://deylandisneydean.tumblr.com/post/80038513436/insuffera6le6itch-deylandisneydean-hans (If you can't see the link, it's basically Anna confessing she wants to kill Elsa to rule Arendelle and Hans going 'That's what I was going to say!') It can be crack or taken more seriously. I've just wanted fic of this ever since I saw that post years ago.

Or perhaps a darker take on the trolls in the movie and their actions regarding Anna. Especially considering that creepy song they sang about her and Kristoff.

Scooby Doo: I'd love to see something with a modern take on the Scooby Gang. What would be different, what the same? OT4 totally welcome!

A crossover with Leverage would be amazing! Or even a fusion where the gang turns to less legal methods after discovering not all their masked criminals are so easy to keep in jail after being arrested, if they even are.

Friends: Murder mystery time! Ross gets gruesomely killed and his ghost is haunting the others. Can they discover who his killer is? Or does Ross' frustration at their inability to solve it make him less of a friendly ghost? Bonus points if it turns out it was just a really unfortunate accident that caused Ross to manifest out of the sheer indignity of having died like that.

Or maybe Phoebe actually does have or get supernatural powers?

Star Trek the Next Generation: I have a hard time shipping anyone in my childhood fandoms and STTNG definitely falls under that. I'd strongly prefer gen and (if you must) very background canon pairings only for this.

Anything where Q plays with the crew would be fun. Perhaps he traps them in a murder mystery game or a haunted mansion. Perhaps he introduces them to the supernatural?

I'd always wanted to see the Enterprise crew in something of an apocalypse scenario. Specifically, I think they would be great at rebuilding after something like that, especially with the philosophic underpinnings of the canon in that humanity constantly strives to better itself. It strikes me as a lovely hopeful thing in such a scenario.

Perhaps something in the far future where the Federation is gone, but records (especially of the Enterprise crew) remain and give hope for a better future?

Gargoyles: Anything to do with the Fae, especially Puck. What made him decide to reveal himself to Xanatos? What was he up to during the exile from Avalon?

The end of the show had the gargoyles reveal themselves to the public. What are the consequences of that? I'd love to see something where the gargoyle population comes back from the brink of extinction in the face of a friendlier human populace.

I also love the show's take on mythology where all things are true. Maybe something with Slavic mythology in that setting? More Norse mythology?

Discworld: Anything with Granny Weatherwax, Death or the Nac Mac Feegles. I love this setting, so pretty much anything will be great.

If you feel like writing a crossover with LOTR, I would love love love any of the prompts from this post: http://berry-muffin.tumblr.com/post/160194985845/thebibliosphere-teapotdragon-zephyrantha

Lord of the Rings: For ultimate spooky, maybe something where Boromir and Faramir end up scouting Mordor or are captured in Minas Morgul? How would they escape, what horrors would they see?

Any scenario where Boromir lives would be great. Or Boromir interacting with the elves, especially once he remembers they actually participated and lived through battles he read about.

I have a total inexplicable soft spot for Boromir/Arwen, so something with them would also be great!

Ages ago, I read a fic where elves returned to Earth during the present day. I'd love such a scenario where the magic also returns and so does the memory of starlight in Men.

Marvel Cinematic Universe: I'm sure my fic and tumblr make it fairly obvious Loki is my favorite character. That said, I am also fond of the other Thor characters, the GOTG crew and the Iron Man crew.

Unlikely team ups would be great, especially between characters that have never interacted before. Characters forced to work together to survive or just stuck together snarking at one another.

Something with Loki's shapeshifting or children would be amazing, especially translated for the MCU setting. Genderfluid Loki is a big plus!

Involuntary werewolf Loki for extra angst to go with his jotun heritage? Yes please!

Maybe the world ends once Thanos gets his hands on the Infinity Gauntlet, but Tony and Loki somehow manage to travel back in time to prepare?

Instead of Thanos and the Chitauri, perhaps the GOTG crew finds Loki? Or the Ravagers?

The Defenders: Anything where Jessica and Matt interact! I loved them in the show. Extra super bonus points for Foggy as well.

Foggy representing Jessica would be great.

Colleen, Misty and Claire mutual admiration society! Maybe the two of them help Misty adjust to her new bionic arm?

Also dragons! Maybe some dragons survived somewhere? How did they even get to Earth? How did the people in Kun Lun discover that their bones can bring back the dead/heal people? I want all the dragon stuff.

#trick or treat 2017 #trick or treat exchange

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raynareveur · 7 years

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Rayna’s Recent Reads February 2017

Welcome, welcome, to another edition of Rayna’s Recent Reads! This one is also late, but hey, it’s only by one two days! I’m getting better. At this rate, I’ll actually be able to get the March edition posted in March.

These are the books I read in February:

Jingo by Terry Pratchett

This was an interesting book, and certainly timely. This is probably the most political of Terry Pratchett’s books that I’ve read, and I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that. But political or no, this is still a Pratchett book, which means I of course enjoyed it immensely.

And, I mean, come on. A secret agent Vetinari? (Even if he got less screen time than I wanted.) This was me when I first read the description, along with every time he came on.

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

I finished my most anticipated read of 2017 in just two days. And it does live up to the hype. The writing is beautiful, the setting is wonderous and magical, and it has tons of gorgeous illustrations inside as well. Some scenes are chilling (looking at you, chapter 2), some are beautiful and heartwarming, and all of them are wonderful. Caraval reminds me of one of my favorites, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, with the same gorgeous writing and mesmerizing circus setting. But Caraval definitely has a faster-moving plot (not that The Night Circus wasn’t interesting, it just had a slower buildup and a more literary feel) which definitely grabbed my interest immediately and held on to it till the end.

One small quibble: I wasn’t too fond of the ending. Anyone else feel this way? Leave your thoughts down in the comments!

Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi

I actually read this book for research purposes, as opposed to pleasure reading. (Not that this wasn’t an interesting read.) I’m writing a dark YA retelling of Pinocchio and Peter Pan with a creepy island and murderous fey that live there. Think Caraval meets A Court of Thorns and Roses, but less magical and more creepy.

Pinocchio was quite short, with chapters only a few pages long, which really helped me speed through this. One thing that really surprised me was how dark this is; I haven’t watched the Disney version, but I'd be surprised if all of it made it into the movie. Within a span of 262 pages, we have:

- Breaking and entering that results in murder

- Pinocchio accidentally burning his feet off while sleeping (he didn’t feel anything, but still, that’s some nightmare fuel right there.)

- Pinocchio almost being burned alive as firewood, ending up having his plea for mercy granted and almost getting his friend burned alive in his place (This is horrible but I’m so using this in my retelling)

- Pinocchio getting attacked, beat up, and hung to a tree

- The Land of Toys/donkey transformation

- Lampwick’s death (this made me unusually sad because I was imagining Thomas Brodie-Sangster as his role in this movie)

And did you know that in the book, Jiminy Cricket (called the talking cricket) is the ghost of the anthropomorphic cricket Pinocchio murdered? I’m going to have a field day with this one.

The morality messages were a bit too on the nose, but then again, this was from a time when that was the norm. All in all, it was an interesting read, and more importantly, gave me tons of story fodder. Keep your eyes peeled for more updates about my project, and be sure to subscribe to either my Tumblr (right here), Twitter, or newsletter to get the news first!

Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

I read this for the same reason as I read Pinocchio, and while the level of darkness was about the same, Peter Pan had better writing (in my opinion) and an older, more nostalgic feel.

Let’s talk about the writing first. If I was to use one word to describe the writing of the two book, Pinocchio would be functional and Peter Pan would be lyrical. What do I mean? Well, the writing of Pinocchio feels to me like merely a vessel for the story. Which, I mean, is what writing at its heart should be. It gets the story across clearly and concisely, while the simple, no-frills writing fades into the background. It’s not bad, but there’s nothing special either. It’s just there, and supposed to fade into the background while the story shines through. There is nothing in that book that I can quote on demand. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, just different than what I’m used to.

Peter Pan, on the other hand, has beautiful writing that shines on its own. It has beautiful phrases that would look great on a poster (and there are plenty out there), and other quotes that people love to quote or embroider or draw or tattoo onto themselves. I read the free Kindle edition, and one of the neat features of Kindle is that it shows you quotes that a lot of people highlighted. There are a ton in Peter Pan, and tons on Goodreads as well. For example:

“All children, except one, grow up.”

“To die will be an awfully big adventure.”

“Stars are beautiful, but they may not take part in anything, they must just look on forever.”

"I'm youth, I'm joy," Peter answered at a venture, "I'm a little bird that has broken out of the egg.”

“Just always be waiting for me.”

These are all beautiful and deep, and worth repeating and pondering for a long time.

Towards the end of Peter Pan, there’s a sort of haunting, nostalgic sadness hanging about the book. There’s something about growing up, changing your view of the world, and having to let some things go forever. To move on, to forget, to know that you’ve moved beyond certain things, and the only way you can experience them again is through memory, which you are also slowly losing. Like looking at a faded old photograph decades later, being a little scared at how faded it is, and a little sad at how you can’t ever make the colors bright again, no matter how hard you try. But also a little proud that you’ve come this far, and happy that you at least have these little gems of your memories to stay with you, albeit in their wistful, faded state, forever.

This feeling soaked the last chapter, and that was the only part that made me genuinely sad. Because I hate the thought of losing something, of letting go.

And that’s what growing up is, really; letting go.

And, I’ll admit, I’m a little bit afraid of that.

I think a lot of people are. That’s why this book speaks so strongly to so many people.

And that’s exactly the feeling I want my book to capture, the nostalgia, the wistfulness, the fear and grief and joy all melted into one confusing mess. And the feeling of faded, shifting memories, which can’t always be trusted. In short, I want it to feel like growing up, and then being yanked straight back into childhood, with your mind stuck somewhere between those two places.

Also, on a less wistful note, does anyone else think Peter’s a delusional psychopath? I present my evidence:

“’There's a pirate asleep in the pampas just beneath us,' Peter told him. 'If you like, we'll go down and kill him.’”

“And when [the Lost Boys] seem to be growing up, which is against the rules, Peter thins them out.”’

“The difference between him and the other boys at such a time was that they knew it was make-believe, while to him make-believe and true were exactly the same thing. This sometimes troubled them, as when they had to make-believe that they had had their dinners.If they broke down in their make-believe he rapped them on the knuckles.”

“But you never exactly knew whether there would be a real meal or just a make-believe, it all depended upon Peter's whim.”

“I forget them after I kill them,' he replied carelessly.”

Oh, and I don’t have a quote for this since it’s a whole scene, but let’s not forgot the massacre on the pirate ship. Yes, they were pirates, yes they kidnapped the Darlings and the Lost Boys, no, that shouldn’t justify a killing spree. And he doesn’t even feel a modicum of remorse or empathy afterward.

So in conclusion, Peter Pan is a haunting, beautiful, and slightly sad piece of literature, while Peter Pan is a remorseless, unstable, delusional, kind of abusive, and violent murderer who sees everything--especially killing--as a game and in many instances literally can’t empathize with his victims.

Cross that with an immortal, amoral fairy and you get a whole lot of fun. For me, at least. Not for my characters.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by J.K. Rowling

This one was actually an unexpected read for me, since, unlike 90% of the book lovers on the internet, I actually am not a huge fan of Harry Potter. (*Gasp!*) Don’t get me wrong, I liked the books and they were an enjoyable read, but as far my all-time favorite books, or childhood defining ones go, Harry Potter isn’t on the list. (In case you’re curious, my all-time favorite is Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series, and the books that defined by childhood were Rick Riordan’s Percy Jackson and the Olympians series.)

However, when my parents dragged me with them to Sam’s Club, I made a beeline for the books section (mainly ‘cause there was no food, my other great love) and found this gem. I had heard a lot about it, and it seemed interesting enough, so I figured, hey, why not? and picked it up.

I was really surprised at how much I liked it.

This story, as other reviewers have pointed out, is less magical than the original series, instead more character and relationship driven. There are still spells and magical creatures and trinkets and all sorts of cool stuff, of course, but those don’t take center stage. The characters, especially Albus and Scorpius, do. And I loved them. Especially Scorpius, who is an adorable innocent ray of sunshine that I want to hug.

^ How I imagine the two main characters.

The Cursed Child also dealt a few surprise kicks in the feels as well. J.K. Rowling really knows how to pull at your heartstrings, and I think a main reason for this is that the stakes and problems are smaller in scope (say, hurt feelings instead of dying) and more emotional. And I genuinely care about the characters, especially Scorpius, the aforementioned innocent ray of sunshine. Basically any time Scorpius was sad, my heart crushed a little bit.

A lot of people have said that they don’t like the play script writing style, but I feel the complete opposite. I absolutely adored it. I think one of the reasons I loved it so much because it was such a quick! I finished it in a few hours. Which I guess makes sense, since in the play, everything is happening/being spoken in real time, and you can’t exactly keep people in a theatre for twelve hours. (Well, Rowling probably can...she could probably keep people on the Titanic for twelve hours if she did a book signing or talk or something.)

I wasn’t bothered at all by the lack of detailed descriptions, and in fact I think that enhanced the reading experience for me. Something most people don’t know about me is that I have a weird habit of reading the summaries/synopses of a lot of books and movies before I read or watch them. I mean, there are so many great books and movies and I won’t have time to read them all, so it makes sense to maximize my reading time by only reading the books that are interesting enough to be worth reading. For everything else, I get some enjoyment out of the summary and get to find out all the big reveals and see everything resolved, on a fraction of the time it would take to read the whole book. And how does this apply to The Cursed Child, you ask? Well, reading The Cursed Child felt like reading a (really well-written) summary. The plot isn’t bogged down by a ton of writing, the few descriptions (for stage directions and setting) were short, and the whole plot happens in the form of dialogue, which was a breeze to read. It’s like getting all the juicy plot in half the time because you cut out all the unnecessary trimmings, like writing.

(Yes, I’m a writer and I just said that.)

All in all, The Cursed Child is a quick, fun, but also surprisingly emotional and deep read.

Well, that’s the end of the February edition of Rayna’s Recent Reads. Be sure to follow me here or on Twitter to get updates, and check back at the end of this month for the March edition!

Have you read any of these books? What did you think about them? Any other thoughts about books, writing, or anything else? Let me know in the comments!

<3,

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