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#i’m also on my period so i’m all emotional and crying behind the desk at work
mollysolo · 2 years
Note
I need josh fluff…..maybe dad josh? Through the months of y/n pregnancy? Idk 😭
Nine Months
Pairing: husband!Josh Kiszka X fem!wife!Reader
Summary: A look into your pregnancy spent by your loving husbands side.
Warnings: Mentions of vomiting, screaming, pain caused by contractions, cursing, the reader screaming at Sam when she’s in labor
Please Note: Josh Kiszka is a real person that I have never met and the way I’ve written him should not be seen as anything but a work of fiction.
Word Count: 2.4k
a/n: also so y’all are aware, i won’t be writing something for every single month bc i don’t feel like it lol
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Month One
You quickly pressed your back up against the back of your front door, quick breaths exiting your lips and a panicked look on your face. You were more nervous than you had ever been before because of some news you had received today.
You had just gotten back from your yearly  gynecologist appointment and their seemingly harmless questions regarding your sex life caused a realization to hit you like a truck.
“I think I might be pregnant.” you remembered muttering with shock to your gynecologist once she had asked you when your last period was.
You felt a bit stupid for not seeing the obvious signs. After all, your period was over two weeks late now and most mornings you threw up almost right after you woke up.
So, your gynecologist ran a quick test and came back into the room you were sat in not too long after to let you know that you were indeed pregnant.
You weren’t necessarily nervous about the fact that you were pregnant, you were nervous about how your husband, Josh would react to the news. The topic of kids never came up too often between the two of you, but that still didn’t ease your emotions.
You knew that it wouldn’t do you any good to put off telling him, so you slowly removed your body from the front door and walked over to where his in home studio was.
Your palms were sweating a little as you softly knocked on door to his studio, “Josh, there’s something I need to tell you.” you simply said as you started to walk into his cozy studio.
“Of course, mama. What is it?” he replied as he spun around to face you in his comfy chair, a mess of papers on the desk in front of him.
Hearing him call you this sweet nickname made your breath hitch in your throat knowing what you knew now after your appointment.
You held your hands behind your back and stared at your feet for a moment before you said it, “I’m pregnant.” you said, simultaneously letting out a soft exhale as you spoke.
Josh was on his feet right away, the same shocked look on his face. Once he reached you, he gently placed his hands on your cheeks and tilted your head up so that your eyes met his own.
“I’m gonna be a dad?” he whispered, tears starting to prick his pretty brown eyes.
You nodded in his hands whilst you responded, “Yes.” you whispered to him in response, still feeling incredibly nervous.
He then pressed a quick to your lips before dropping to his knees in front of you, his eyebrows a bit furrowed. And once he was eye level with your tummy, he lifted your shirt a little and pressed a bunch of kisses to the area.
“I can’t wait to meet you, little one.” he murmured into your tummy as he continued to press loving kisses to it.
And now it was your turn to cry as you watched how he reacted after you had told him the news.
Moments later, he rejoined you on his feet and began to hold your face in his hands again, then opened his mouth to speak, he wanted you to know that he was happy to be doing this with you.
“I cannot wait to go on this journey with you, my love,” he said, pausing for a moment to press his forehead to yours, “I love you and our child much more than you’ll ever know.” he told you, planting another kiss to your lips once he was done speaking.
“I love you too, Josh.” you replied while you brightly smiled up at him, instantly feeling a lot better.
Month Five
You were now five months into your pregnancy and your bump was becoming even more visible, causing you to smile every time you looked down at it and you ran your hands along the soft skin.
You spent a big majority of the past five months comfortably resting in Josh’s arms whilst he made sure to keep his hands resting on your tummy and his face buried in the crook of your neck.
Now that he knew you were pregnant, he spent most of his time by your side so that he could take care of you when necessary. He wanted to protect you and be there for you as you went through all of this.
And before he’d head out to the studio on those days where he couldn’t work from home, he’d softly press kisses to your sleeping figure then peal back the comforter so that he could kiss your baby goodbye as well.
Seeing how gentle he was with your unborn child every single day just made you fall even more in love with him, if that was in possible. All he ever did was look at you with pure and genuine love for you in his eyes.
But you were nervous again today, for another reason. You’d get to see your baby for the first time today during the ultrasound. Josh could see how nervous you were about this, so he held your hand the whole drive there and kept telling you how much he loved you, making you blush a bit.
—————————
“Alright, are you guys ready to see your baby?” your gynecologist kindly asked the two of you as she had began to spread the cold gel on your tummy.
You both nodded in unison right away as swiftly Josh took your hand in his, holding it tight, earning a chuckle from your gynecologist.
She then pointed to a small screen right next to your left shoulder, “There they are.” she said, an excited tone to her voice.
Once you saw your child, you exhaled a breath you didn’t even know you were holding and your grip on Josh’s hand tightened a bit as you stared at the screen.
“Would you like to know the sex of your baby?” your gynecologist asked, prepared for any answer you two might give her.
You and Josh then looked at each other, smiles on your faces as you both nodded in unison once again. Your eyes lingered on his for a few more seconds just as the doctor started to say what the sex of your baby was.
“Congratulations, you two are going to be having a healthy baby girl.” she told you two, a kind smile on her face.
Hearing that brought Josh to tears right away, he had always wanted to have a girl if the two of you ended up having kids together.
Your gynecologist then gently wiped all of the gel off of your tummy and left you and Josh alone in the room to process this good news.
And once you were truly alone, Josh comfortingly wrapped his arms around you and lightly rested his nose against your own, happy tears now falling down his face.
“I love you so much, mama.” he whispered as he let his eyes flutter shut, his voice now sounding a bit shaky.
He couldn’t believe any of this was actually real. He was going to have a family with you, the woman he loved more than anything else and just because of that fact, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling in this moment.
“I love you and our baby girl even more.” you told him as you grabbed one of his hands in yours and pressed it to your still exposed tummy.
You then kissed away the new tears that had started to fall down Josh’s cheeks before they even had the chance to reach his sharp jaw.
Month Seven
Currently, you were sitting on the couch in you and Josh’s home amongst your close friends and family. It was the day of your baby shower as you began to near the end of your pregnancy.
And as you interacted with the people around you, Josh never left your side, not even for a minute. His arm remained wrapped around your waist the whole time, massaging your sore hips every once in a while.
And if you ever needed anything during the baby shower, Josh would make his brothers get you whatever you needed so that he could stay with you, letting his protective side come out as his hands shifted to your bump.
But, if you were being honest, you were terrified of giving birth in the next two months or so. But you reassured yourself that you’d be fine as long as Josh was there with you.
He would do anything for you and you felt eternally grateful for that. You felt so loved by him whenever you were within his presence and you knew that the birth of your daughter would only cause this love to grow.
Month Nine
As your due date got closer and closer, Josh insisted on you coming to the studio with him everyday so that when your water did break, him and the rest of the band would be close enough to help you.
And as you sat in a chair nearby to where Josh was, you thought about your approaching due date, resting your hands on your tummy as you let your thoughts run rampant.
You would’ve liked to spend the whole afternoon relaxing within your peaceful mind, but a feeling of wetness caught your attention.
“Fuck.” you muttered as you tried to stand up, your legs wobbling a bit as you caught your balance.
Josh ran right back into the room you were in the second he saw the panicked look on your face, “Is everything okay, my love?“ he asked you, one of his hands resting on your tummy.
“My water just broke.” you speedily said before another painful contraction hit you and you squeezed your eyes shut to deal with the pain.
“Alright, let’s get you to the hospital.” Josh said, trying to sound as calm as possible although he feeling the exact opposite.
He then scooped you up into his arms and ran to the car as he tightly held on to you, “The baby’s coming!” Josh screamed to his brothers, signaling Jake to run out with you as Josh had told him that he wanted Jake to drive you to the hospital when your water broke.
Josh sat in the backseat of Jake’s car with you on the way to the hospital, letting you roughly squeeze his hand every time another contraction hit you.
Sam could sense how much pain you were in and just wanted to help ease both you and Josh’s anxieties, “Just try to take a bunch of deep breaths, (y/n), we’re almost there.” he softly told you as he turned around in his seat.
Your eyes narrowed at him right away, “I will fucking fight you Samuel! Now is not the time to tell me to take deep breaths!” you screamed at him, letting the pain you were feeling fuel your anger.
Sam knew you probably didn’t really mean but you were saying but he still shut up and turned back around in his seat with widened eyes.
——————————
The second Jake’s car parked in front of the hospital, Josh opened the door next to him and scooped you up into his arms again, sprinting in the direction of the ER.
“My wife just went into labor!” Josh basically screamed at the first nurse he saw once he had entered the hospital.
“Alright sir, try to stay calm. We’ll get her to a room right away.” that nurse said as they motioned for him to follow them to a room.
As a result of the extreme pain you were feeling, you barely noticed how Josh screamed at this nurse and how you were suddenly being set down on a hospital bed, sunlight from a nearby window shining on your face.
You helped the nurses get you into a hospital gown the best you could and before you knew it, it was time to push.
Josh’s hand started to hold yours again while the doctor began to gently speak to you, “Alright Mrs. Kiszka, it’s time for you to push. Your baby is almost here.” she told you as you tightly clamped your hand around Josh’s hand and you prepared to push.
You let out several screams once you started to push over and over again for the next hour. Josh stayed close to you whilst you did all of this, saying kind words of encouragement to you as he pressed light kisses to your head every few minutes.
“Keep going, my love, you’re almost there. You can do this.” Josh would tell you, not caring about how hard your grip around his hand was.
“Your husband is right, Mrs. Kiszka, you’re nearly there.” the doctor assured you as she kept her eyes on you, keeping an eye out for when your baby’s head would start to pop out.
And with a few more screams and pushes, you and Josh’s daughter was finally here. You both let your tense shoulders relax once you heard her cries, knowing that the worst was now over.
One of the nurses who assisted as you gave birth, handed you your daughter wrapped in blanket, her big brown eyes looking up at the two of you before they softly shut.
She looked exactly like Josh.
“She’s so beautiful.” you said breathlessly as you stared down at her, feeling such an extreme love for her right away.
Besides Josh, your daughter was all that mattered to you now.
Josh had began to cry happy tears once more as he watched you hold your daughter, his arm coming around to help you hold her head.
“She is.” Josh agreed as he planted a kiss on your cheek, not caring how sweaty it felt after all that just happened.
“What should we name her, my love?” Josh gently asked you just seconds later after he had initially spoke to you.
“Lily.” you quietly told your husband, thinking back to the book of girls names you had looked at a week or two ago.
“That sounds perfect, mama,” he replied as he shifted his body even closer to yours, “Lily Veronica Kiszka.” he said, taking his turn and picking out your daughters middle name.
You looked up at him as you began to brightly grin, “That sounds perfect, my love.” you said, echoing what Josh had said just seconds ago while you momentarily held his face in your one of your hands.
Josh then pressed a soft kiss to your lips then the head of your child and let this quiet intimate moment take over the three of you while Lily remained calm and sleepy for the moment.
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wasabiholland · 3 years
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messrmoonyy · 3 years
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Have you seen that popular post of tonks going to Remus class after the war and taking teddy with her? cood your write something with that? Please 😃
I sure have anon! I loved this. Some happiness amongst all the angsty asks I have lmao.
I took some mild creative liberties with the conversational abilities of portraits and the timeline is slightlyyyy wobbly. But enjoy
Read my other writing in my masterlist and feel free to drop me a request
Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks
Warnings: none
When Tonks woke up Remus was already gone, her fingers reached around blindly on his side of the bed and found nothing but cold sheets and she groaned. In the year that they had been living at Hogwarts with Remus back teaching again, she had gotten herself into the habit of waking up with him. But Teddy had simply refused to sleep last night so she had been up for hours with him so that Remus could sleep. She opened her eyes and saw there was a steaming mug of tea on the bedside dresser with a little note propped against it and she reached over to grab it.
'My dear Dora,
Don't be mad at me for not waking you, you needed to rest. I checked on Teddy before I left. I have a class of 6th years 3rd period so feel free to come down if you want to. I have a free afternoon too, so tea in Hogsmede?
Yours always, Remus'
She smiled and sat up in bed stretching her arms up above her head with a yawn, grimacing slightly as her arm popped. It was one of the main reasons she still hadn’t gotten back fully into working herself, an injury from the war that still hadn’t recovered. The curse still that had hit her making it seem like it might not ever recover properly. Madam Pomfrey saw her once a week to help with it, but it wasn’t much better really.
She felt quite useless some days. She was desperate to get back into working again. She was never one for just lazing around doing nothing. She had been offered her job back at the ministry when ever she was ready to return to it, a hefty promotion waiting for her too. She still dis small things for the ministry, Kingsley has worked very closely with her and Remus on getting equal rights for Lycanthropes, made wolfsbane much more accessible. But for now she didn’t really mind that much, it meant having plenty of time with Remus and Teddy. Now in terms of work she she just helped out around the school where she could, because they didn't mind if she brought Teddy along with her. Some days she helped out in the hospital wing, her extensive knowledge on healing coming in handy. Other days helped with Minervas homework study groups, helped Remus plan his classes, she kept busy.
Teddy started to fuss and she got out of bed with a roll of her shoulder to try ease the morning pain. She peered into his cot to see him wide eyed and awake. He had Remus’ eyes. Big and brown and beautiful. He looked so much like Remus, she knew the older he got he’d simply be a double of his dad. Minerva was already joking that with them looking so identical now she would resign the day he was old enough to attend Hogwarts. With Remus and Tonks as his parents he was certain to have a mischievous streak in him for certain. It was practically fate.
" my silly boy huh " she said as she saw he’d managed to completely change ends he was sleeping on. She smiled, rolling her eyes with a smile and picked him up. His hair was a vibrant shade of red today, like the phone boxes back in London. His hair was the one of the only thing that seemed to change about him at the moment but he was already starting to control it. He had seemed to have learnt how to change his hair to match who he wanted to be held by when he was particularly grumbly. Which made things particularly difficult if they were staying at the Weasleys. But also quite cute when they would visit Harry and a little scar would appear on his head. She didn't even mind that just lately it would go brown more often than pink because seeing Remus and Teddy together was one of the greatest feelings in the world. Seeing Remus happy was one of the greatest feelings in the world. Because he so often would wake up in the night in a cold sweat as his nightmares replayed all the trauma of the war back to him. But work kept him distracted. And Teddy did. And she did. And though he would never admit it, the fact that he was sole income for the family now kept him motivated too.
She carried him over to her bed and sat down with to feed him, knowing that must be the reason he was fussing. It was quite peaceful sitting there in her room with him, it was raining outside and the rain hitting the window panes was almost melodic. Remus loved the rain and she’d grown to love it as well, sometimes convincing him to go out dancing around in it with her. If she listened closer she could hear the chatter of the children, she glanced at the clock and saw second period would be starting in 5 minutes so they were noisily moving between their classes. Even though there were no classrooms by the teachers wing in the castle, she could still hear them.
When Teddy had had his fill she propped him up on her pillows as she opened up his little wardrobe to get him something to wear. There was a quidditch friendly later on the evening, so she pulled out his little hufflepuff quidditch jumper ready. Molly had knitted it for him and it was an almost perfect replica. Even though Harry had tried to convince her he should be wearing Gryffindor. But even Remus agreed Teddy would be a hufflepuff. Through and through.
" wanna go see daddy teach later, hmm? You like being in his classroom don't you? Mummy does too because daddy looks very handsome in his teaching robes doesn't he? He does " she said as started to get him changed, unhooking his foot that he had shoved into his mouth “ are you going to be a good boy whilst he’s teaching? My good boy huh? “ Teddy gurgled an answer and went back to trying to get his foot into his mouth again.
With a half hour or so to go until his 6th year class she left their quarters and took Teddy down to his second favourite place in the castle. In one of the corridors off the main entrance hall a long row of portraits of those that had been lost in the war had been hung. Including one of Sirius. The first time they had seen it both Remus and Dora had cried only to have had the painted Sirius tell them both to grow a pair. But getting to introduce Teddy to his family was worth it, even if it did still make her emotional to see his face and hear his voice again.
When she reached Sirius frame he wasn't in it and she rolled her eyes knowing exactly where he would be. She walked down a couple more portraits to Fred Weasleys. And there was Sirius. Turns out even painting Sirius and Fred were mischievous and Sirius acted like the marauder he once was around Fred as they tried to play pranks on the others in the hall.
" do you ever actually stay in your frame?" Tonks said with a smile, bouncing Teddy lightly on her hip.
" Tonksie! And my little man! " Teddy started laughing as he heard Sirius voice and made grabby hands towards him. Tonks held him to the frame and Sirius pulled stupid faces at the little boy making him laugh even more. She wished Sirius was still around to truly play with Teddy. To make him laugh and turn him into the little prankster she knew he would grow up to be. But a portrait would all she was going to get nowadays. So she took what she could get " where's moons? Teaching? "
" yeah. We're going to see him now. Arent we Ted? Gonna see daddy? “ Teddy’s hair shifted brown at the mention of his dad and with a slight worry he would start crying and disturb classes, she said a quick goodbye to Sirius and made her way down to Remus’ classroom. She was a little early but Remus tended to let his class go early if he knew she was coming down.
And as exactly as she had suspected he had let his 3rd years go early when she arrived and they were piling out of the room. They all smiled as they saw her, all of Remus’ students knowing who she was.
" morning Mrs Lupin! "
" hi Ted! Hi Mrs Lupin! "
" good morning Mrs Lupin, oh hiyya Teddy! " some of the children greeted her as they left the classroom and she smiled at them all eagerly still just loving the sound of ' Mrs Lupin ' as she stepped into the classroom Remus had his back to her, tidying something on his desk and she snuck up behind him, wrapping her free arm around his waist.
" hi " she said softly and stood up on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. He turned in her embrace immediately, a smile gracing his faces the sight of his family. He leant down to kiss her only to be disturbed by Teddy yanking on his hair.
" oh I'm sorry, does someone feel left out? " Dora said with a laugh and handed him over to Remus who kissed his nose and both his chubby cheeks.
" kisses for both my favourite people " he held the baby boy up in the air and playfully tried to bite at his little feet making Teddy squeal in delight. Remus was well and truly in his element as a father. He had taken to the role so well and it warmed Doras heart watching them together. He may have had a rocky start. But he was more than making up for it now. He doted on his son, spoilt him completely rotten and showed him all the love and affection she’d known he’d had in him from the start.
Teddy soon became disinterested and far more interested in the model of some small creature on his desk. Remus handed it to him and sat him down on the floor as he gurgled to himself, inspecting the skull as if it was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.
“ did you catch up on your sleep? “ Remus asked turning to Dora then as she watched Teddy with a smile “ you look tired darling “ he pulled her into, his hands on her waist. She gave a small shrug and looked up at him. His face was mildly concerned. He always worried too much. Always.
“ a bit “
“ you should’ve stayed in bed. Gotten some more rest “
" I’m fine Remus. Honestly. Besides. I like watching you teach " she said with a smile and hopped up to sit on his desk after a look towards Teddy. He was still babbling to himself as he investigated the small skull, still insanely amused by it.
" people aren't allowed to sit on my desk you know " Remus said and moved to stand in front of her, his hand reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear.
“ if I recall we’ve done much more than sit on this desk Mr Lupin “ his cheeks flushed and she couldn’t help the giant grin on her face. After all the time since they’d first met she could still get him flustered. She loved it.
" you're a tease you know that? " he murmured and pressed a kiss to her cheek.
" I'm well aware. But you married me didn't you? You signed up for it " he smiled and she brushed her lips against his with an smile to match his. Though he’d barely kissed her for a second when there was the sound of children in the corridor, his next class arriving. Dora gave a small sigh and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before hopping off of the desk and picking up Teddy.
“ you’ll stay? “ Remus asked, straightening up his desk and pulling her back in gently before she could go “ it’s mostly just a study lesson, you won’t be a bother darling “ how could she say no to him when he was looking at her like that? He made her melt. She gave a nod and pressed a kiss to his cheek, before retreating to the back of the classroom so she and Teddy wouldn’t get in the way “ in you come class! “ the children piled in, some stopping briefly to talk to Tonks and Teddy before finding their seats.
She’d attended so many of his classes by now and she’d never seen any children really misbehave. They all seemed to love him, all listening with pure interest in everything he had to say. And maybe it was his parental instinct, but he was practically a father to some of them. They went to him for advice, just to talk, some of the more quiet students would even seek him out at lunch break so they didn’t have to eat alone. There were the odd few that were still coming to terms with the new easing of laws regarding werewolves, having grown up around people always saying they were bad. But everyone quickly grew to love him.
Just like she’d said they would.
He’d been a little hesitant to take on his old job after the war and had declined twice before finally accepting. She’d had the joy of watching him flourish after returning to work, he was truly in his element. He was happier. More confident than ever. And she loved him even more for it.
Teddy remained quite as Remus started teaching, always looking at his father almost in awe. He only became a little restless when Remus set the students off to do their own working, a quiet chatter filling the classroom.
“ Mrs Lupin? “ Tonks turned her head as she heard her name and smiled as Ravenclaw girl looked at her expectantly “ could you give me a hand with this one? “ she happily walked over to the girls desk, crouching down to help her with her questions on the behaviours of Pukwudgies. Teddy continued to wiggle around as she tried to help the student so placed him down to sit by her feet.
She had only taken her eyes off of him for a few moments , but Teddy took his chance and wiggled out of his mothers grasp and crawled away to sit at Remus foot who was stood a few desks away helping a student himself.
" oh- Teddy " Dora hissed and went to snatch her child back to their place in the back of the classroom. But Remus simply bent down and picked Teddy, not even stopping his explanation to his student , and placed him on his hip which made Teddy clap his chubby little hands excitedly. Tonks finished helping the girl before hurrying over to Remus, ready to relieve him of their son. But Remus declined with a smile.
“ it’s okay. Have a break. He’s fine sweetheart “
He held him for the rest of the lesson , even when he brought the classes attention back to the front for the final part of his lecture. He held Teddy in his arm and acted as if it was a perfectly normal thing to teach about the life expectancies of dark creatures with a small child on your hip. None of the students seemed fazed by it either and Dora sat at the back of classroom with a smile so wide it hurt her cheeks. Nothing would ever come close to the sight of Remus happy. So at ease with being a father now, so at ease back in front of classroom. Helping. Teaching. Shaping small futures as he has always dreamt of doing.
And of course the cherry on top. His family. Something he had never thought he could have. He was finally living the life she’d wanted him to have since that first meeting back when she joined the Order. The war was over. He had lived most of his life in war. And now he was finally free. Free with her. And their son.
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miyagihawk · 3 years
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Hi love! Could i request something with Miguel where it’s your birthday and it seems as though everyone has forgotten and Miguel hasn’t wished you and hasn’t talked to you all day, so you get pretty pissed and give everyone the silent treatment but in reality he’s been planning things the whole day to make your birthday special!?
so cute, thank you for the request!
surprise! | miguel diaz x reader
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warnings: swearing, fluff
summary: your best friend miguel and all of your friends forgot your birthday. or did they?
word count: 1,474
You wake up to the feeling of someone’s hand caressing your hair. You blink a few times to adjust to the sun’s brightness coming from your window, and you see your mom’s face looking down at you.
“Happy birthday sweetheart” she gives you a warm smile, still running her hands through your hair lovingly.
“Thanks mom,” you reply, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of your eyes.
“I’m so sorry baby, they just told me I have to cover a late shift today so I won’t be home till 12. I know we were supposed to celebrate, but I’ll make it up to you tomorrow?” your mom explains with a frown etched on her features.
Your face drops too at the thought of being alone on your birthday. But you know your mom can’t control things like that and it’s not her fault. I can probably just hang out with Miguel or something, you think to yourself.
“It’s alright,” you assure her.
-
You love your birthday. It’s the one day of the year when you get treated extra special. You might sound like a prima donna, but you actually love the attention.
As you get ready for your day, you take extra time on how you look. It makes you feel good to put on your favorite outfit and you wear more makeup than usual.
You admire the fresh air as you walk to school. It feels like a perfect day. Maybe you’re biased, but the sun looks brighter than usual and the breeze is sweeter.
But once you get to school, Miguel isn’t there. He always waits for you at the front so that you can walk to your first period together. He’s always there but today he’s nowhere to be found.
Your eyes scan the premises of the schoolfront one last time, before you give up and walk to class by yourself. Maybe he didn’t come to school today? Is he sick?
Once you get to your classroom, you’re proven wrong when you see your best friend already sitting at his desk. Walking over to him, he oddly looks nervous fiddling his pen between his fingers.
“Hey, are you good?” you ask, sitting down in your seat beside him.
“I’m fine, why?” he replies. He doesn’t meet your eyes, just rummaging through his backpack as if he’s trying to keep busy.
“Well you didn’t wait for me like usual,” you bite your lip. He’s acting so strange. Did I do something wrong? you think to yourself. He hasn’t even said happy birthday.
He finally looks at you with a weird expression, “Oh yeah sorry. I needed to ask Mr. Hernandez a question so I came here early.”
“Oh... alright,” you nod, but you aren’t convinced. You’ve known Miguel long enough to know when he’s lying and right now he is. But why?
There’s an awkward silence between you two while you wait for the bell to ring for class to start. As the seconds pass, your feelings get more hurt with the realization that he forgot your birthday. 
-
“Hey guys,” you greet as you take your seat at your friends’ lunch table.
You still feel down from Miguel forgetting your birthday, but you’re sure that at least one of your friends remembered.
“Hey Y/N,” Sam replies with a sweet smile, but she resumes her conversation with Demetri.
Your heart sinks when everyone just goes through lunch normally. No one remembered. You don’t want to remind them, because it would probably make them feel guilty. But you’ve known them for years, and no one else’s birthday gets forgotten.
“Is anyone free after school? I was thinking we could go to that new ice cream place that just opened,” you ask everyone. You realize that you could still make your day special, and sulking at home alone wouldn’t make anything better.
“Oh man, sorry Y/N. We have training after school,” Miguel frowns. You think it’s another lie, but everyone else nods in agreement.
“Right. Maybe another time,” you put on a fake smile. What was supposed to be a perfect day is turning out to be the worst one you’ve ever had.
-
‘Hello Birthday Girl! Do you think you can run to the store and buy some eggs? Love you’ the text from your mom reads. You sigh as you walk out of your last class of the day. You just want to go home and take a huge nap. Maybe cry too. A huge nap and a nice birthday cry sounds perfect.
You finally get to your front door after a trip to the grocery store, and you feel relieved to just be alone after a bad day.
You shuffle off your shoes and walk to the kitchen with the plan to eat your feelings out. It’s oddly dark; the curtains on the windows are drawn so you flip the lightswitch on and-
“SURPRISE!” a chorus of voices yell in unison right as the light turns on, making your heart leap out of your chest and you almost drop the carton of eggs you’re holding. You cover your mouth in shock as you look around the room.
All of your friends are looking at you with wide grins and party hats. Your mom is also there holding colorful balloons, standing by a birthday cake with your name on it. A banner hangs on the kitchen cabinet with the letters ‘Happy Birthday’.
Tears well up in your eyes in overwhelming happiness as everyone comes towards you. “Guys! What is all this?”
Everyone takes their turn to give you a hug and a greeting. You’re still stunned by the unexpected surprise and you can’t believe it’s even real.
“I felt so bad Y/N! I wanted to tell you the truth because you looked so sad. I’m sorry,” Sam explains, and you laugh, not wanting her to feel bad.
“It’s okay Sam, I’m glad you didn’t tell me.”
“Oh my love,” your mom embraces you next, rubbing your back lovingly. “You didn’t think I would leave you all alone on your birthday, did you?”
“Did you plan all of this?” you ask, wiping away a stray tear. You aren’t much of an emotional person, but you were really expecting to be all alone today.
She shakes her head and pushes your hair behind your ear, “No baby, it was your best friend. He loves you very much.”
You look behind her where Miguel leans against the counter, waiting for his own turn to talk to you. He gives you a soft smile as you meet his eyes and your mom nods, giving you permission to go to him.
“Hey,” you say casually while approaching him. It feels kind of awkward, because you were angry with him earlier. But he did all of this for you, so you feel guilty for being mad.
“Happy birthday Y/N,” he finally tells you, saying the words you’ve been hoping for all day.
“This was all your doing?”
“Everyone helped. But it was my idea,” he smiles cockily, making you elbow him in the side and you both break out into laughter.
“And here I was, thinking you forgot. Thinking everyone forgot,” you chuckle, feeling no trace of the sadness from earlier. It almost feels like a joke now that you know the truth about why everyone was acting so weird.
You two watch your group of friends playing a board game in your living room. You love them so much.
“Of course I wouldn’t forget my best friend’s birthday,” Miguel rolls his eyes as if it would be the worst thing in the world. “But I felt like such a dick making you think we did.”
“To be honest, I did think you were a dick,” you muse and he looks at you with his mouth open, offended. “Don’t look at me like that, you ignored me all day!”
“You’re right, you’re right. I’m sorry,” he puts up his hands in surrender.
There’s a silence between you both as you continue to watch your friends arguing over the rules of the game they’re playing.
Impulsively you turn to Miguel, and wrap your arms around him in a hug. He’s taken aback for a second, but he quickly puts his arms around your shoulders to hold you close. You don’t see the pink tint on his cheeks as he rests his chin on the top of your head.
“Thank you Miggy. This is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. I love you,” you murmur into his chest and squeeze him tighter in appreciation.
“I’m just the best, aren’t I?” he sighs jokingly. You’re still hugging, and you don’t want to let go.
“You are,” you hum, feeling his heart beat accelerate because your ear rests right where it is.
“I love you too Y/N.”
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beann-e · 3 years
Text
hi I was on u-tube and saw a bakugou playlist for when he can’t sleep and I thought well , since I just hit 200 followers ( tysm;3 I love everyone who even took the time out of their day to press follow ) why not bring them this idea of y/n not being able to sleep & bakubabe lending his beautifully different services
also abt the sero line I have in here— I personally think it’d be cool if he just learned Spanish because, he has an interest in other cultures and languages but I don’t really see him being actually hispanic
also I really like writing baku bc he’s so rough with everything he says & I kin him so he’s the easiest so, I hope no one thinks I write him too much
Reader with bad mental health & bakugou lends a hand in his own way
No one cares and no one ever asks. Or at least that’s how you felt while standing here in your last period class your hands balled up in fist tightly held at your chest
Your head was pounding and body was aching you couldn’t describe why you were feeling so horrible all of a sudden but
you just were
maybe it was from all the nights you couldn’t fall aleep due to overthinking
maybe it was the way you got stuck on your phone or even your head dropped low eyes trailing over words in a book just trying to find something to take your mind off the fact that you were struggling
whatever the case was
right now in this last period class this wasn’t helping
“ look shitty woman “ you heard the boy huff “ I want to get a good score on this paired project and right now your fucking this up for me “
his anger was visibly present even if his voice was low to where only you could hear the annoyance that sat in it had everyone looking around for the culprit of the sudden change in the air
“ and I don’t like fuckups so get whatever you have going on together and let’s do this —ok? “
you shook your head and let out a soft ‘ok ‘
the fight ending quickly with bakugou staring down on you his hands on his knees face made up in anger “ you keep finding a way to fuck with me “
“ I didn’t even do anything to you “ your voice was soft and tired
his eyes squinting before sighing
“ I didn’t do anything to anyone “
“ cut this shit out right now “ he pulled you up off the ground hands in fists gripping at your shirt standing you up with his muscles alone “ get to your room — sleep off whatever the fucks going on with you “
His eyes dead set on you as you walked off everyone from the class watching as you failed to gain the strength to open the big doors that led you to your shared dorms
“ sero plea— “
“ got it hermosa “
“ really dude “
“ look it’s hot — and just cause we’re in japan doesn’t mean I can’t show off my online spanish lessons “
“ whatever “ denkis voice whined as he shook his head holding the other door open for you “ gonna get some sleep y/n ? “
you ignored the two boys head hung low as you walked to your room door
the strength appearing in your body as you opened it but, quickly dispersing when you found your bed.
Your face hitting your favorite pillow hand coming up to cradle underneath it as you sat on your knees butt high in the air tears coming out pouring into your blankets “ I won’t show — I won’t show it — I won’t get bad again “ you repeated like a chant
The light from outside disappearing as the day grew into night
several footsteps heard departing from your door when you didn’t answer the knocks . Their low calls of dinner was done , lunch was in the microwave , that you’d missed movie time , that you missed denkis attempt of asking jirou out , and todorokis miss understood question of what ‘ cuddles ‘ were when denki offered her his body to do so
“ and you assholes didn’t just think to open the door? ”
your bedroom door swinging open in a crash as the knob hit the wall behind it creating a hole
“ fucking assholes bothering me with this shit “
“ we didn’t even call you out of your room “
“ you came over to her room on your ow— “
bakugous hand moved swiftly to slam the door in their faces
“ bakubro we’ve been trying to get in there all day and your just—“
“ gonna close the door on us “ denki finished in annoyance “ seriously I just know y/n needs my charm right now “
he pouted behind the door “ it always cheers her up and I like her lau— “
“ didn’t ask to hear your fucking crush story charger base “
“ ass — kiri let’s go “
“ so no sleepy boob pics?“
bakugou stiffened hearing the purples freaks voice
“ so I came with you guys because you said she was sad and usually when girls are sad they don’t dres— “
bakugous voice was guttural as he put his forehead to the door voice loud enough for the boy to hear
“ hey — hey purple nurple “
“ I-uh — yes bakugou “
“ come here “ he could hear the small shuffle of feet to the door as he smirked softly
“ put your tiny head to the door — actually press your whole body up to the door —all the way “
“ are you trying to help me get one of y/n’s bras god —- of all people to help I never thought it’d be bakugo—“
“ hey just shh ok — you don’t want to ruin it right and make her wake up right “ he groaned inside his mind
“ she’s slept this long and through all of this— I can’t get you her bra if your loud right purple zit “
“ so so smart “
“ ok so here it is “
the room grew silent as bakugou pressed his palm as low as he could placing it on the door away from his standing body breathing in to suppress his anger so , he didn’t let out a major blast due to his mood
sighing before he felt his hand grow sweaty tiny pops coming out
“ hey bakugou —is my princess ok ? sounds like popcorn in there are her tit—“
it was quick as the door had a hole in it the newly created circle having black burn scratches on it as mineta laid burnt on the floor once purple body now black and smoke wafting off it
Bakugou squatting as he put his left hand above the hole to steady himself and his right one reaching out through it as he grimaced in pain at the stretch his fingers finally wrapping around minetas short body fingers interlocking around his neck as he looked through the new hole in the door eyes piercing into the boy he held
his voice low and dominating “ you ever come back to her room on some creep shit — and I blow your fucking brains out do you hear me “
“ y-yes sir “ mineta let out dazed “ I will stick to yao-“
“ that goes for all the girls you hear me — guys included I know your a little pervy fuck you can’t get your hands on girls underwear you’ll move on to dekus shitty tidy whities”
mineta was silent as bakugou threw him back on the floor watching as he crawled off
his body relaxing as he shook his mind burning.
head in his hands before wiping his face in exhaustion and standing up and turning to you when he felt the air in the room shift , his hands out in jazz hands and a fake smile on his face.
“ ta da “ he was met with your sitting body your pillow covering him from seeing you .
your face dropping in shock moving from his tall figure that stood inching over to the now huge hole that he was trying to hide from you
“ k-katsuki “
“ I told you about that “
“ s-sorry “
“ again I told you about that shit “ his gaze was hard on you
“ do it again and i’ll tell shitty hair to harden in the next hug he gives you — since you and that crappy puppy boy are always touching “ he mumbled
“ bakugou why are you — why does my door have a hole in it “
“ don’t worry about it “
“ h- w-how can I not worry about it my doors black“ you screamed in confusion “ it used to be brown bakugou “
“ bakugou it used to be this — bakugou — katsuki oh my gosh i’m sorry — god do you ever shut the fuck up and just be thankful “ he mocked you soon converting back to his anger ridden voice
“ and whats with this pillow take it away from you — I wanna see your fucked up face “
you sighed bringing the pillow from in front of your head his eyes having a look run through them that you couldn’t figure out but you knew it had something to do with how puffy your eyes felt . Even if they weren’t puffy or couldn’t get puffy you’d never known for a fact because it still felt like they were .
You two stared at each other as the silence grew louder him shoving his hands in his pocket before taking out the packet of pills he’d gotten for you shaking them to show you it wasn’t a weapon like Mr.Aizawa thought after finding him returning to school late and shaking him down like a police officer
his hand putting them on your desk
His other one throwing the water he found in the kitchen to your bed “ not throwing you the pills — need you to move around so you gotta come get em‘ “
your face showed no emotion as he nodded understanding the new tense and uncomfortable emotions thats were present “ ... ok — well got a green headed vegetable to go bully so “
you watched as his hands gripped the door swinging it open as you dropped your head eyes moving to the water in front of you “ why can’t I do anything right “
you cried “ why can’t the world — the days — the stars fucking align for me to feel good for once huh “
you felt even more tears prickle your eyes as your voice grew louder “ why can’t I talk to people without having this voice in the back of my mind screaming — raging like its having a party — why can’t I sit in silence without having to stand up every five seconds and move around because my body screams for attention — for movement because i’ve been sitting still for 5 seconds “
you heard the faint click of the door mouth still moving as if he were still there
“ why can’t I speak what I feel when people ask me“ you laughed shortly “ not like they do — because they can’t tell I just mask so well “
you let your face start to feel heavy and tense as you continued your crying rant into the empty room “ and most importantly why was I so bad at everything “ your eyebrows furrowed
“ why am I so bad at today ? “
“ just a day really ? “ you heard the taller males voice came out questioning
“ just today that’s what your worried about “
“ well I “
“ tch “ he shook his head before turning to face away from you his face dropping into a look he didn’t want you to see.
“ I-i’m sor— “ you knew he didn’t like you saying sorry or even using his first name you two had established that when he finally accepted your friendship or in his words
‘ you can hang around —like shitty hair but one sniff of blabber mouth and your gone ‘
“ I didn’t mean to spill to you I just — I — you can go —no one gives a shit anyways “
“ I will “
your body grew sad at his quick response
“ tell me what your most upset about “
your answer came quick as you let your brain take over “ I wake up in the middle of the night and can never fall back asleep when I do “
he moved to your door for a second time opening it to leave before pausing for a second speaking something to where you couldn’t hear much less make out
“ just knock “
he shook his head before closing the door softly to rival his usual mood.
Your body shaking when you finally realized you’d spilled out your mental thoughts to bakugou letting your body calm down before you grabbed the pills and silently thanked your friend before feeling yourself at some time finally fall asleep
It’s been days since you last felt that horrible it never stopped but you were able to hide it even more and live out your life the happiest you could
until one night you found you beating yourself up surprisingly not in real life but in your dreams
a loud gasp leaving your mouth as you sat up calming down only to bring your knees to your chest arms wrapped around them in a hug
your back moving to the wall to feel comforted after only feeling your cold hands and body wrapped around yourself
“ what I would give to have something warm “
‘warm ‘
your mind raced to bakugou trying to push the thoughts out your mind of him actually being a caring boyfriend who could help you like he did nights ago with bringing you medicine, a boyfriend who would let you snuggle into him and take all his warmt—
stop the track cause that song will never play you thought as you started to think about him again face made up in determination and focus as you tried to remember what he said that night feeling stupid when you finally remembered your quirk
the quirk that brought you pain and contributed to your mental health
your quirk allowed you to take pictures of everyone’s last moments you’d spent together with your thoughts
it was good in some aspects like right now when you could finally remember where sato helped you hide your candy bars from yourself so you wouldn’t indulge in them 2weeks ago
at the same time you can see your problem with it when the last moment you had of your mother was her kissing you goodbye before shapeshifting into a fire extinguisher and landing in your fathers hands as he screamed at you to run out of your home and get more help the last image you seeing of your father was him spraying the fire extinguisher all over the stove in hopes to calm it down before it spread but he couldn’t
it didn’t help when the pictures replayed in your mind like video home movies that you didn’t want to watch
whenever your quirk was used everything spun in your head like a movie reel the downside was it made you watch every single picture you’d taken until you found the one you were looking for
it didn’t take long before you finished your mom and dads memory and got to bakugous last moment you two spent together
you zooming in reading his lips turning up the volume on the moment as he spoke “just knock “
“ just knock ? “ you sat confused in your spot on the bed shaking off your quirk taking as long as needed to process his words only to be even more confused and just knocking on the wall twice between your two shared dorm rooms.
You never paid much attention to him being your neighbor it’s not like you needed him for anything so right now you were a bit curious in why he reminded you that you two shared walls
Eyes closing while you waited for whatever was supposed to happen
“ guess he didn’t mean it like th—“
your body softened when you heard music fill his room and overflow into yours
You heard the drums kick in as the lyrics played muffled through your wall
‘I listened to the cure
I listened to the cure
I listened to the cure
and then I cried ‘
your eyes widened before you felt your body relax against the wall eyebrows made up in content
eyes watering when you heard your two soft knocks returned on the wall behind you
you let your body go tenseness leaving as the song played moving to grab your phone with shaky hands seeing his name light up on your screen
Godzilla wannab
‘ no one gives a shit about your life right ? ‘
you cried even harder when you saw the message fit the song perfectly the words you spoke a couple days ago as if your were singing the lyrics
you looked around your room before falling on the dent he left in your wall grabbing your phone and zooming in on it to take a picture and sending it to him
Godzilla wannab
sorry your room was just so ass you needed some redecorating be thankful people tend to cry when I redecorate—just ask deku
you laughed as you seen him prepare to send a new message your heart swelling when you read it
Godzilla wannab
look this is gonna sound sus as fuck but
you bit your lip at the new message
‘ if you can’t sleep come over — your rooms cold as fuck and I know that pillow your hugging’s not doing shit ‘
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excitedlysuffering · 4 years
Text
When You Make Up
AHA! YES FINALLY! I’ve been such a procrastinator lmao🤣💀 it’s finally out, the Part 2 to How He Hurts Your Feelings.
Naruto~
It had been a few days since you had last seen the Uzumaki and from the way you were coping, one would have assumed it had been months. Naruto was always there to make you laugh and be happy, but without him, everything had seemed a bit bleaker.
You stayed holed up in your room, trying to keep yourself from going to him, but it was an uphill battle. It was well past afternoon, but you were still in bed feeling slightly less miserable than before, but still not great.
That’s when you heard it, a knocking so loud and persistent that it couldn’t be ignored. Grumbling all the way, you dragged yourself to your door. You were ready to scream when no one was there. Until you looked down and saw a takeout bag, with ‘Korean Grill’ spelled out on the front. The very same place you wanted to take Naruto…
Suspicious, you quickly went inside and set down the delicious smelling food. You tiptoed up to your room, not knowing what you expected to find, but you knew something was up.
In your room, or rather all over your room, were Naruto and some of his clones. Eight of them stood in a line, each one holding a small sign. In order, it read ‘I’m so sorry will you please forgive me?’
“Naru…” Even though he had hurt you deeply, you couldn’t help but acknowledge the thoughtfulness of his apology. The real one walked over to you, nervousness written all over his face. “I was a huge idiot and I hurt you… I regret every word I said and how selfish I’ve been.” You couldn’t help but throw your arms around his neck.
He was sorry and he had gone out of his way to do this. You felt your anger melting away as he hugged you back, nuzzling his face into your neck. “Of course, I forgive you, baka… I really missed you.” He sighed in relief. “I missed you too. Now, let’s go eat before your food gets cold.”
Sasuke~
Much to your relief, Ino had invited you to her flower shop to hang out. You had gotten tired of sulking around for the last three days and there was no better way to have your spirits lifted than to hang out with the optimistic blonde.
You stepped into her shop, confused as to why it was so dark and quiet. It was the middle of the day…
“Ino? What’s going on? Where are you?” Suddenly the lights turned on, revealing a bouquet of purple hyacinths, white tulips, and daffodils, all of which were flowers used commonly in apologies. But why were they here? You picked up the flowers, confused. Ino hadn’t done anything wrong? A note peeked up at you. Relieved to finally have some kind of explanation.
‘(Y/N),’ it read, ‘you’re probably wondering why you’re here. I didn’t think you would meet up with me if I asked you point-blank, so I asked Ino to help me. I was an idiot the other day, being rude and speaking before thinking… I let my pride get in the way and I hurt you. The truth is, after a lot of thinking while I was recovering, is that I need you more than I could’ve imagined. I’m so sorry for everything I put you through.’ -S.U.
Your hands trembled at the unexpected apology. Sasuke had a hard time saying small ‘sorry’ for small things, but for him to have given you this big of an apology? He really did mean what he said.
“(Y/N)? You’re probably still mad, and you have every right to be, but… I’m going to make it up to you. I’m going to better, for you.” The Uchiha appeared behind you, looking determined, but also a little nervous. Your gaze softened as you approached him.
“I believe you. I’m just glad to have you back.” His shoulders sagged with relief. He didn’t say anything, instead, pulling you into his chest in an uncharacteristic display of affection. You hugged him back without hesitation as you felt whole once again. “I am too… I never want to feel so lonely again. Forgive me?” You nodded against his chest, your answer was imminent. “Of course.”
Neji~
You were lost. You and Neji had never had a fight quite like this. When he left did he mean for it to be a final thing, or not? It had only been a day since he had blown up at you, but these questions had kept you up all night.
Your manuscript laid on your desk, untouched after Neji had thoroughly insulted it. You figured if even Neji hated it, why would anyone else buy it? Instead, you occupied your time stress cleaning. Everything in your home sparkled like the top of the Chrysler building (A/N: Kudos if you get the reference) by the time you were finished, but didn’t feel any better.
It wasn’t until you heard a quiet knocking on your front door that you realized just how much of a mess you had become in such a short time. You were only dressed in sweat pants and a tank top, but you couldn’t care less. No one worth dressing up for would be waiting on your doorstep.
It wasn’t until your eyes met familiar pearlescent ones that you realized just how much his absence had affected you. Even though you were still angry and hurt, you couldn’t but sag in relief that he wasn’t planning on ending things with you.
“Neji… um, come in…” Never had you felt so awkward around him, and he clearly picked up on that. “I was out of line yesterday… I know that. I didn’t mean what I said, I was just…” He paused as if unsure of himself, “I was jealous. You were spending so much time writing, I assumed that I had lost importance.”
You felt your eyes water at how nervous and hurt he sounded. Yes, what he had said the day before was disrespectful, but it had stemmed from you taking him for granted.
“I’m sorry too, Neji, I wasn’t thinking about how this was affecting you. I just wanted to… it doesn’t matter, I’m just glad you’re here.” He sighed in relief, hesitantly embracing you. “I am too, (Y/N).” You had no words to describe how right everything felt, so you said nothing, opting to instead to just cling to him.
Shikamaru~
You had successfully managed to avoid the lying Nara for a week’s time and you weren’t planning on changing that any time soon. If he didn’t want to see you, you would make sure he didn’t. That did not mean you were going to lock yourself inside your house and sulk. You, (F/N) (L/N) did not sulk.
In hindsight, though, you thought, maybe I should’ve stayed inside… Shikamaru had seen you walking you through the park and now you found yourself backed up into a tree, the furious boy in front of you.
“What is your problem, woman?! You’ve been avoiding me all week!” You scoffed, looking away. “I was trying not to bother you, don’t get so worked up.” He stared incredulously. “Bother? Since when is seeing my girlfriend a bother?” You stomped your foot, you knew it was childish, but you were angry. This had been bottled up for days and you could no longer hold it in.
“Since my boyfriend sent out a clone to see me after he’d been on a month-long mission! Come to think of it, that probably wasn’t even the first time!” His jaw dropped a little before his expression shifted to shame.
“It was the first time… I was still exhausted from the mission, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed.” Your glare softened a little.
“You could’ve just told me, Shika... we could’ve taken a nap, hell I would’ve waited to see you until you were up to it!” You sighed, draping your arms around his middle. “I thought it would work, I didn’t want to upset you or neglect you. Forgive me?”
You giggled a little. “For a genius, you can be quite slow Shika. Of course, I forgive you, just don’t do it again.” He breathed out a soft laugh as he hugged you tighter.
“I won’t. And I’ll have you know, I’m the genius. I don’t even know what slow means.” You laughed as the two of you walked through the park, hand in hand. And this time, you had the real Shikamaru all to yourself.
Kiba~
You held tighter onto your stomach, trying to quell the neverending pain. You had changed into dry clothes and you were now cuddled into your bed, pillows surrounding you. You knew you should probably be happy that Kiba had finally left but instead, a nagging feeling in your chest tormented you worse than your cramps.
You screamed into your pillow in frustration. If you didn’t distract yourself, and soon, your thoughts of Kiba would torture you. You rolled out of bed and stumbled out of the room to go search for something to eat. If there was anything that could help you, it was food.
After almost crying that there was no ice cream, you settled on a bowl of the sugariest cereal you could find. It wasn’t ice cream, by any means, but it was still unhealthy enough to do its job. Suddenly, you heard your doorknob click and then turn. Your eyes narrowed as Kiba and Akamaru scrambled in, Kiba with two bags in his hands.
“What are you doing here?” You hissed lowly. The Inuzuka’s face was pale with fear as he met your hard gaze. “Listen, I’m really sorry, I was really immature and bratty, and then after you closed your door, I smelled blood and realized you were on your period and I’ve been nothing but a huge jerk so I brought you stuff!” He rushed out in one breath, holding out the bags towards you like a peace offering.
Your mouth fell open momentarily as you processed everything that had just come out of his mouth. Cautiously you peered into the bag, still a smidge wary of him after all the pranks. Your heart melted a little as you saw the contents. Inside was (f/f) ice cream, a comfy blanket, chocolates, your favorite sweatshirt of his to steal, and some snacks.
You felt your eyes well up with tears as you looked up at your nervous boyfriend. “W-wait! Don’t cry, I can lea-” You pounced on him, cutting off his sentence. Your arms were around his neck and your legs were around his waist.
“You’re so amazing, Kiba! T-thank you!” You knew there was no reason to cry, but your out of wack emotions didn’t care. “So you forgive me then?!” You giggled through your tears at his hopeful voice. “Yeah… but I’m warning you, Kiba, I’m getting my revenge! After we cuddle…” you grinned.
Gaara~
You were beyond pissed off as you laid in your bed, being forced to listen to Gaara as he moved about the kitchen. After he’d all but blown you off hours before, you had come home and decided on an early bedtime. As much as you wanted to avoid him, it was near impossible since you two shared a flat.
You had assumed he’d come home after you were asleep and just get into bed quietly. But, unfortunately, luck was still not on your side. He’d come home far earlier than you’d imagined and was making a huge ruckus, and it only fueled your anger and hurt.
After an hour of the disrespect, you’d decided you’d had enough and you stomped into the kitchen, practically radiating murderous intent. “What in the hell are you doing?” You questioned, dangerously. The redhead turned around, shame clouding his eyes. “Oh, hello, I was just making dinner… I assume you never got to eat?”
Just then your eyes drifted to the table, which was beautifully set with (favorite meal) in the middle of the table. “Why are you doing this?” You whispered. Gaara moved to stand in front of you so you could see the seriousness in his expression.
“I know one meal can’t make up for the way I’ve been neglecting you, and for my behavior earlier, but I’m going to try, starting now. I was a fool and I could’ve lost you… please forgive me, (Y/N).” You looked away from his intense gaze, your stare once again landing on the delicious-looking meal.
Yes, he’d clearly put effort into this, but you were really hurt by his recent distance towards you. But, he was trying to spend more time with you and it would be counterproductive to deny that, and plus you had dearly missed your boyfriend.
“Okay, Gaara, I believe you,” You stated, looking back into his eyes. Your breath caught at the smile on his face as he sat you in your seat. “I swear, I’m going to make this up to you, (Y/N).” He pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.
Kakashi~
If it wasn’t the constricting wrapping around your stomach and shoulder, you would’ve forgotten about the wounds altogether. The dull aching was nothing in comparison to the stabbing sensation in your chest.
Kakashi had left the day before and there was still no sign of him. You couldn’t help but be antsy. Had he meant everything he said and did he plan on coming back? You were on the couch, struggling to rewrap your wounds with your bad shoulder as you pondered these things.
You hardly flinched as your door opened, choosing to ignore the silverette intruding into your home. It was silent even as he gently took the supplies from your hands and started doing the work himself.
You watched him with a blank expression as he worked, waiting for him to say something. After a few long minutes, he began to speak. “I was horrible last night. There’s no excuse, I know, but… I don’t want you to end up like them and I overreacted. Big time.”
You knew he was talking about all the friends and family he had lost to the shinobi world, and even though you weren’t anywhere near happy, you understood. By now he had finished dressing your wounds and was looking you in the eye. The eye you could see was red and puffy as if he’d been crying.
“I’m really sorry, (Y/N). I won’t ask you to forgive me because frankly, I don’t deserve that right now.” You sighed, wrapping your arms around his neck in a hug. He eagerly returned it, relieved you were willing to touch him. “You were a real jerk you know.” You stated. He nodded, “I was.” “And I worked really hard to get here, and I’m proud of my abilities,” You continued. He pressed a small kiss to your shoulder.
“As you should be. I really am proud of you too.” You cracked a small smile. “But, I love you, Kakashi, and as long as this doesn’t happen again, I forgive you.” He hugged you tighter, his hair tickling your cheek a little. “It won’t, I swear it to you.” You hummed in response, feeling much lighter than you had minutes before.
~Akatsuki~
Pein~
“To be clear, I think you’re both overreacting. Pein blew a tiny problem out of the water, but you also know how he gets when he’s stressed. He didn’t mean any of that.” You scowled at Itachi’s words, knowing he was probably correct.
“I hate it when you’re right, Itachi. Seriously.” He chuckled at your pout, patting your head. “You should go talk to hi-” You stopped him, with a wave of your hand. “Nope, nope, nope. He was in the wrong, so if he wants to talk, he can come to me and apologize.”
The ravenette looked up before standing up to leave. “Alright, good luck then, (Y/N).” You grabbed his wrist, desperate. “Wait, don’t leave me! I don’t know what to do!”
He raised an eyebrow. “But I just told you to go talk to him?” You let go, groaning. “But I don’t want to!” He sighed, leaving. “You’re whining, (Y/N).”
You stammered, shocked that he was just up and walking away. “So, I guess this is good timing then?” You shrieked, startled as you turned to face the very topic of your last conversation.
“Um...hi?” He sat down next to you, his frown deepening. “I was… wrong, earlier. I apologize for what I said. I wasn’t being fair.” Your jaw dropped in utter astonishment. Never had you ever heard Pein say anything about him being wrong.
“I found out what Hidan said and I’m surprised cut off his head was all you did.” You giggled a little. How could you stay mad when he was humbling himself like this? “He does know the right buttons to push. And I forgive you, I know you’ve been stressed lately, I didn’t mean to add to that.” You leaned your head on his shoulder as you spoke.
“You could never do that, (Y/N). Now, how about we go show Hidan what true pain is?” You just smirked and cracked your knuckles in response.
Deidara~
You had arrived in your room immediately after leaving Deidara and Sasori, but unfortunately, your room was just on the other side of the wall so it wasn’t like you had gone far. It was quiet for a little while, and you occupied yourself with a book you had found lying around the base.
“Sasori no Danna!” You rolled your eyes at Deidara’s frantic shout. Hopefully, nothing was going to explode. “What, brat? I’m working.” “We have to apologize to (Y/N), yeah!” Your attention was peaked now, and you sat against the wall as to not miss anything.
“I will do no such thing. I merely stated an opinion.” You shrugged, you hadn’t expected anything else from Sasori. “But we hurt her feelings, un! Her art is great, yeah!” “You hurt her feelings. You’re her boyfriend.” You heard the redhead click his tongue, clearly annoyed at being interrupted.
“Fine! But will you at least help me, un?!” “Absolutely not. I don’t like abstract and I won’t apologize for it.” You laughed lightly at the puppet’s stubbornness. “Please, Danna, un! I don’t even know why I said those things!” “I don’t know or care. Now go apologize, brat, I can’t take any more of your whining.”
You heard scrambling and then his door opened and closed. You all but jumped back on your bed so you wouldn’t be caught eavesdropping.
The door opened and the nervous blonde stepped in. The second he saw your flushed face, he groaned. “You heard everything didn’t you, hmm?” You sheepishly rubbed your neck. “Thin walls?”
He walked closer, his cheeks tinted red. “I was wrong, (Y/N), un. I’ve never seen you have an off day…” You smiled taking his outstretched hand. “Even though your paintings don’t explode, they are art, yeah. Will you forgive me, hmm?”
Before you could respond, you felt something lick your hand. Deidara snickered. “I think my hand mouths want you to forgive me too, un.”
Giggling, you kissed his cheek. “Well, they should be happy to hear that I do forgive you, Dei. Sasori, on the other hand...” You both smirked, sharing a look that promised trouble.
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bau-baby · 3 years
Text
the ultimate loss. 2/?
aaron hotchner x gn!reader
Summary: While you and Aaron are grieving the loss of Haley, an untimely realization comes up on your part after a night of consolation. Will anything come of it?
word count: 3k
warnings: grief, loss
A/N: Holy cannoli I am so sorry for how long this second installment took me!! Also the ending seems kind of rushed and it’s not the greatest, sorry! Now, onward with the story! 
read part one here
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It has only been a few months since Haley’s service, and you have been at a loss. Ever since the time you and Aaron had together on that patio, something changed. Something that you couldn’t really put a finger on. Neither of you addressed it for fear of messing with things you weren’t ready to face. So you both did what you do best: ignore it.
You’ve filled your time with hours on the job, Aaron has been doing the same. You both merely dance around one another, not allowing your colleagues to pinpoint or figure out what happened. And if you were honest with yourself, you weren’t either. Hell, you weren’t sure Aaron knew what was going on, and he is one of the best profilers you have the pleasure of knowing. 
It’s another late night, early morning at Quantico. You’re burning the candle at both ends, losing sleep by the day. You blame it wholly on losing a friend, and sure that was the big, main reason, but you also know it’s a ploy to throw whatever it is that’s happening with you and Aaron out the window for a time.
After-action reports fill your time as the coffee keeps getting brewed and your pen isn’t running out of ink anytime soon. And you always love to think that this is your time away from Aaron, when in reality he’s right up the stairs, hunched over his desk just as you are. You saved your glances for when your hand got cramped or you needed a refill on coffee. What you don’t see was the glances he’d send your way while you were engrossed in the paperwork. 
You normally end up staying late at the office since you have a tendency to take some of the extra files from Aaron as well as the team so they could get home quicker.
You finish up a majority of your reports just before midnight, opting to take the unfinished ones home. You gather your finished files, making the short walk up to Aaron’s office before knocking. You hear him faintly say “It’s open,” and open the door.
“Hey Aaron, just wanted to drop these files off before heading home for the night. If you-” Your words die in your throat as you finally look at Aaron much closer. His eye bags were getting worse, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in days. “Are the nightmares still happening, Aaron?”
He knows there’s no use in lying, especially to you. He nods as he presses his pointer and middle finger to his temple, trying to alleviate the dull headache that hasn’t left him in so long. It was one of the only constant things in his life, outside of Jack and you.  With the headaches and the nightmares saddled on top of the grief, he hasn’t had true peace in months.
You tentatively take a seat at his desk and wait him out. You know that once he feels like talking, he will. He takes his time, twiddling his pen in between his thumb and pointer finger.
“I miss her. I left her at home with Jack almost every day, I was never there for his appointments or for his big milestones. I forced her to be a single mom when I could have easily just been there. I-” He stops, and you can see his eyes are brimmed with tears. You swallow the lump forming in your throat.
“Aaron, she loved you-” He scoffs, “-No, she really loved you. It tore her to pieces when she left, she just reached a point where she had to put Jack’s needs first. She still cared for you. The call I got the day you were admitted into the hospital told me enough,” You look down at your hands, trying to find the words, “You’re a great dad, Aaron. You do your best and right now that’s all anyone can ask for.” 
Aaron lets out a huff of breath and leans back in his chair. He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to lessen the pulsing headache still fully present. You only hope that your words made a difference, and you start to get up to leave.
“Wait. Please don’t go. I- I can’t stand being alone here anymore,” The admission makes your heart swell while simultaneously hurting for the broken man, and you settle back into your seat. Maybe finishing up the rest of your reports in the company of a friend wouldn’t be so bad after all.
-----
The late nights you and Aaron were pulling to keep each other company quickly transitioned to going home early to see Jack, still keeping each other’s grief at bay. Didn’t help that Jack was the sweetest kid on the planet, and one you definitely couldn’t say no to.
There were days where Aaron would just break down away from the watchful eyes of his son. He wanted to remain strong and not worry the young boy, but he knew Jack was hurting too, just as you were. Even if he was vulnerable with you at times, he still kept some walls up and held some feelings to his chest.
And Aaron would never tell you, but some days it was hard to even be in that apartment. The wall has been long since repaired, the bloodstains lifted from the carpet. But that didn’t remove the nightmares that haunted him every time he came home.
He could never forget the acrid smell of Foyet’s breath as he continuously taunted him, the knife driving into his abdomen. He couldn’t forget the fleeting memories that he surrounded himself with, a hopeful yet useless distraction as he was bleeding out on his apartment floor.
He couldn’t forget Foyet’s smile, his laugh that haunted Aaron’s deepest nightmares. 
Foyet’s words would come to him in flashes, always coming back to remind him of everything he lost.
“Do you know how much you have to study the human body to stab yourself repeatedly and not die? I don’t want to brag but I’m somewhat of an expert.”
The humor Foyet found in what he was saying was not ever lost on Aaron.
He always felt the ghost of the knife, cold metal gracing his abdomen that was slowly losing heat due to the blood blossoming around his still body.
“Do you wanna see my scars?”
The image of Foyet’s mangled abdomen was stamped into his brain, a fateful image that spoiled his sleep every night.
“Yours are gonna look just the same.”
And that they did. Aaron hated the scars that riddled his chest, the raised, gnarled skin always a reminder of his failure. He not only failed Haley, but his son that he swore to protect and give a good life. He ripped the life away from both of them. Haley would never see what Jack would become, and Jack would never remember the woman who gave her life to protect him.
No matter how much he trusted you, there was still that wall that held him back from telling you all of this. His rational brain told him that you’d help him work through it, but his trauma-riddled brain told him that he’d end up overwhelming you, even though you both lost the same person, she just had different emotional ties to both of you.
That call that you listened in on while racing to Fairfax was imprinted in your brain. You’d continually tried to tell yourself that you couldn’t change anything that happened, that you couldn’t save Haley. You couldn’t give Jack his mom back, and you couldn’t bring back Aaron’s closest friend. 
You knew it wasn’t right to blame yourself. You knew that Foyet had fooled all of you. That didn’t stop you from taking the blame, forcing yourself to relive the worst moment in your career, just to subject yourself to something you felt you could have prevented.
Jack wouldn’t have any memories of his own mother. You would just plant four years’ worth of stories as he grew up, telling him tales of how strong his mother was, and how she was the best thing that happened to his father.
Maybe these similar trains of thought are what led you to be knocking on Aaron’s door late at night. And maybe, that’s what led him to answer.
“Y/N? It’s so late, what’re you doing here?” The opened door revealed a distraught yet cozy Aaron, floppy hair and eye bags in all.
“Can I, uh, can I come in?” You remain composed, trying to regulate your breathing before you possibly could fly off the handle.
“Yeah, of course. Are you alright?” 
Now isn’t that the question of the hour, Aaron Hotchner? You aren’t really sure what you feel, so instead of answering, you walk over to his couch and sit. 
Aaron trails in behind you, two cups of coffee in his hand. You accept the cup, the ceramic mug already bringing life back into your hands. Aaron sits on the other side of the couch assuming the same position you are: a blank, grief-filled stare aimed at the table in front of you. The only sign of either of you being cognizant is your periodic sniffles. You don’t even realize you’re crying.
“I just miss her, you know?” The sentence comes through a wavered tone, and you hiccup through the tears. 
Aaron’s in a similar state, his red-rimmed eyes giving way to a tear-filled, “I know. I miss her too,”
A watery laugh leaves you, “Y’know, one time when I visited Haley, told me about how you two used to be. Before Jack, before…”
Before the divorce. Before she died.
“-just, before. She even gave me a little insight on your stint as Pirate #4 in Pirates of the Penzance,” A watery smile makes its way onto your face, and you hear Aaron huff out a sad laugh, shaking his head as he does so.
“I swore her to secrecy on that. She liked you, honestly. She loved how you were with Jack, and I can’t say that I don’t either. You being here, for us, is something we’ll always be grateful for. Thank you,” The sentence makes your heart swell, as more tears fall down your face. They’re full of grief, sadness, and a love you don’t catch onto right away, but when you do, you force that back down to whatever depths it came from.
You hear the feet padding across the floor before you see him.
“Y/N? Why are you crying?” Jack asks as he clambers up next to you and into your arms.
“Hey, bud, what’re you doing up? Your dad and I were just talking about your mom, and how much we miss her,” You say, rocking the boy as you hold him.
“I miss my mom too. Do you think we could talk to her?” He asks. You could hear how tired he is, and you look at Aaron.
Go ahead, his look says, and you stand up with Jack still in your arms. You pick up the candle and lighter on the way.
You lay Jack back in his bed, grabbing the picture of Haley off his dresser. You light the candle and hand it to him.
“Hi, momma. Y/N is here, and I miss you. I love you,” You continue to listen to the boy, but you can feel the tears pressing at the back of your eyes again. You can’t imagine what this four-year-old boy is going through, trying to understand why his mom isn’t coming home anymore.
You feel a certain pair of eyes on you from the doorway of Jack’s room, and you see Aaron watching you and Jack. He’s got this soft, sullen smile on his face as he hears Jack recount his days since he’s last talked to Haley. Soon enough, the four-year-old runs out of steam and says goodbye, blowing out the candle. You reach over, tucking the covers up to his chin, and tell him goodnight.
You walk out to see Aaron sitting on the couch again, his elbows resting on his knees, hands covering his face. You sit with him until the early morning light washes over the DC skyline, sunlight peeking into the windows. You both laugh, cry, and sit in silence as you talk about whatever, but the topic keeps coming back to Haley.
“Well, if I want to make it to the building on time, I better go back to my apartment and change,” You say as you get up to grab your shoes that have long since been forgotten, as well as your keys and such. “Oh, I didn’t even notice the time. See you at work,” He says, getting up off the couch too.
“Bye, Aaron. See you at work,” You give him a soft smile, and make your exit.
Aaron doesn’t make light of this, but seeing you leave after the night he spent commiserating with you, made him miss it more than he thought he would. The freshness of it all, the connection you shared with mutual grief, was something he never thought he’d get out of his job.
-----
When you step into the bullpen, you’re the first one there for once. Fresh clothes and a rejuvenated heart puts a small pep in your step, even on no sleep.  After the night of vulnerability you shared with Aaron, you felt refreshed, if only a little tired. 
For the sake of making sure you actually stay awake, you make two cups of coffee. Made one cup just how you like it, leaving the other one black. You set your cup down at your desk, climbing the stairs up to Aaron’s dark office. You turn on his desk lamp, setting the coffee down. You knew he wasn’t too far behind you when coming to the office, it was only a matter of time before he walked out of the elevator. 
When Aaron finally makes it to the bullpen, he sees you already cutting into the reports he left on everyone’s desks the night before. He practically floats to his office, his lack of sleep starting to catch up to him. When he opens the door, he sees the coffee mug at his desk, a sticky note attached to it. Very familiar handwriting fills the note. 
Thought we could both use some coffee after our late night. 
You know where I am if you need anything, old man. 
Sincerely, 
A very concerned friend :)
Aaron just shakes his head at the note, a smile he’s not used to filling his face. He looks through the window out into the bullpen to find you with an equally facetious smile on your face. 
That’s when it all comes crumbling down for you. The realization hits you as you turn back to your work, and you have to slow your breathing so as to not worry anyone else making their way to their desks. 
Fuck. 
You’re in love with your boss. 
You’re in love with Aaron Hotchner. 
You could not have worse timing, you realize. He just lost his wife, you just lost a friend. Neither of you should be open to dating. He isn’t open to dating, and you’d be damned if you were too.
You were never known for your timeliness, but this is a whole other level of bad.
 What are you supposed to do? There’s no handbook, nothing to tell you what you’re supposed to fall in love with your divorced boss who just lost his ex-wife. And there shouldn’t be, you’re being careless. 
It’s normal for people in grief to come together, and after a loss people make strides to fill that gap. That’s all you're doing. You don’t actually feel this way about him. 
That’s what your profiling tells you, but you don’t try to reason with it. No amount of reasoning can fix this. You’re screwed, and you know it.
That’s why you make a vow to yourself- right there in the bullpen. 
You are not going to let this get too far too fast, and you are not going to scare this man away. He is your boss first, friend second, and lover will never make that list if you keep up this fast train of realizations and possible confessions.
You get saved from your rabbit hole as you hear Reid and Morgan walk into the bullpen, talking about whatever those two can talk about at 8 AM. You just shake your head at their antics.
Those two really are like brothers.
Slowly, the rest of the team trickles in, and you’re expected for a day of paperwork when JJ flashes a file at you. Seems like you won’t your day of reprieve, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’re glad.
On top of the Aaron Revelations™, It’s been really hard these past few weeks without Haley. You usually went over to see Jack and her often, talking and laughing over some glasses of wine. Now, you just... don’t have that.
But, all that aside, you have a case.
So you put the pieces of yourself back together, compose yourself, and take a breath.
You can do this.
-----
You can’t do this.
You did fine on the case, and you know that. You remained composed, and kept your head on straight. That doesn’t change your realization, nor does it settle your feelings. Professionalism is at the forefront of your mind as you settle into your seat on the jet. Aaron sits next to you like always, and you school your expression for most of the flight, but that didn’t stop your brain from going faster than light.
You lean your head against the window, and hope against hope that everything- every feeling, every thought- would just leave you. They didn’t, but you welcome the sleep that comes like an unknown force.
When you wake, you smell Aaron’s cologne. You’re groggy, and it takes you a minute to realize that his suit jacket rests across your upper body. 
“You looked cold, just thought I’d help,” Aaron says, not looking up from his file.
That man never stops working.
“Thanks, Hotch,” You say, sleep still laced through your words. You get lost in the moment, the familiarity of it all sinking into your bones. You smile blissfully, sleep consuming your conscious again
You just miss the small smile Aaron gives you after your eyes close, sleep taking your body again.
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finnicksannie · 3 years
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CF Chapters 1-3
And so begins the CF re-read! Fair warning, I will probably be way more familiar with this book in the second half than I am in the first. Because I’ve re-read the second half probably too many times, since so many of my favorite characters are introduced haha. But, even still, I do think I remember the first half of this more than I remembered the Hunger Games, so I will probably be less surprised by some details.
Also: since we see Snow in these chapters, I have some fairly major tbosas spoilers in my musings. You’ll probably continue to see some of these throughout these recaps. It’s impossible for me not to compare the original series to the prequel (also also: please give the prequel a decent chance, it is actually very interesting and worth the journey you go on. You won’t be disappointed I promise).
Chapter 1
I’m probably going to have less commentary on this first part, because a lot of it is an expository (if well done) “previously on” section.
It’s funny that Katniss gets taken out of school now that she’s a victor. It seems to indicate that the Capitol views education in the Districts as a way to indoctrinate and possibly train their workforce. Since Katniss no longer needs to be part of the workforce, she no longer needs to attend school.
Literally no sooner did I have this thought did I read the next paragraph, where Katniss specifically mentions that every year as part of their training in school her class had to tour the mines. So, yes. Theory confirmed. Education is for training the workforce, and learning is not valued for the sake of learning.
Gale not taking any of Katniss’s money goes along with the previously established concept of Seam people hating owing, except that we know Gale sees himself and Katniss as the providers for their integrated family. I’m not saying I blame him for not taking her money, it’s just interesting. There’s surely some pride going on there, which I think is likely related to him hating the Games and the Capitol. He doesn’t blame Katniss for surviving, but I think the concept of benefiting from her suffering is too hard for him to handle. Then of course there’s just straight-up pride of feeling like he needs to provide for his family. Which seems to indicate that in spite being in love with Katniss, Gale no longer sees them as being partners. As Katniss mentions later, the Games have spoiled their easy friendship.
Here we see that Katniss has at least come to terms with the concept that there is no going back, versus when we saw her on the train attempting to force herself back into her pre-Games self. Which we also see Katniss commenting on when she goes back to her home and mourns her old life.
I believe that Buttercup is mentioned in the first chapter of every book. He might even possibly be the first character Katniss interacts with directly in every book too. Buttercup is Katniss’s measuring stick to see how she’s changed. Here she has a new bond with him, rubbing his ears and while affectionately telling him he’s hideous.
I like the subtle signs of the Everdeens and Hawthornes being there for each other, like Katniss’s mother concocting a salve to stop Hazelle’s hands from bleeding while she worked her fingers to the bone. And Hazelle happily taking Katniss’s game.
The people of the Hob starting a collection to sponsor Peeta and Katniss during the Games is so wholesome, and reminds me of Katniss’s musings about how the people of the Hob respected her father and only accepted her. No. They clearly respect and have some sort of love for her. And Katniss is lovely with her subtle repayment, spreading her purchases amongst as many stalls as possible. I’m sure her family could afford to buy many of those things from the actual shops instead of the Hob.
Meanwhile, Katniss stockpiling the white liquor for Haymitch is definitely less wholesome but makes complete sense. Katniss is loyal to Haymitch and owes him and tries to take care of him, even in her flawed way. She’s still a sixteen year old girl, and alcoholism is not a joke.
Darius is absolutely flirting with Katniss. Whether he means it is less certain, but this (“Shouldn’t you look better?” He asks in a loud whisper. I can’t help smiling at his teasing, in spite of my mood. “Maybe a ribbon in your hair or something? He flicks my braid with his hand and I brush him away.) is absolutely a flirt.
“I just can’t wait for the whole thing to be over,” I whisper.” This is especially sad knowing how everything is just about to escalate from here. Katniss still hasn’t really fully grasped her situation.
Oh man, Haymitch. This whole section about how he lives really dissuades the reader of any illusions about Haymitch’s alcoholism being funny. I also find the line, “Haymitch refuses to let anyone in to clean,” particularly heartbreaking. Because it just shows how much he really isolated himself before the kids came along.
“The stove isn’t completely out and I manage to coax the few live coals into a flame.” I see you with your metaphors/foreshadowing there Suzanne but also HOLY SHIT HAYMITCH YOUR HOUSE COULD HAVE BURNED TO THE GROUND.
“And longing. I might as well admit there’s some of that, too. Only it has too much competition to ever win out.” Katniss is such a simp for Peeta guys.
(I’m trying to pay attention to Everlark but I keep getting distracted by gross details like Peeta dousing Haymitch’s knife with alcohol from a BOTTLE ON THE FLOOR.)
Katniss’s mother doesn’t get enough credit for her cleverness and quick thinking.
I can’t help laughing at Snow just reading a book in Katniss’s study and being like “one moment please.” What a petty move. He probably doesn’t even put that much thought into things like this anymore, but you just KNOW that at some point when he was young he came up with this move and overthought it like ‘yes, this will make me seem so much more important and superior’ and eventually it just became second-nature.
Chapter 2
“But I have never seen President Snow. He attends celebrations in the Capitol. Period.” Exactly, because he despises the districts and couldn’t spend two minutes out in the woods before he threw a hissy.
“As if this is his home and I’m the uninvited party.” This is especially meaningful because the Victory Tour houses were Snow’s idea, and he would see this house as his own. And Katniss of course is uninvited, because he did not want her to win the Games.
President Snow’s lips... I’ve read this chapter a few times, and I’ve always thought this was an odd characteristic for him to have had vanity plastic surgery on his lips. But of course. His mouth wasn’t altered to make him more appealing. Either his lips have been swollen from the poison, or he’s had surgeries to treat the sores in his mouth and it’s effected his lips. Duh.
I can’t get past the image of little Katniss, this teenage girl, sitting across the desk from the President, with her toes barely brushing the ground.
“As if his primary concern is the welfare of the citizens of Panem, when nothing could be further from the truth.” I love lines like this with TBOSAS in the back of my mind. Because Katniss isn’t entirely wrong. Snow isn’t concerned about Panem’s specific citizens - he’s concerned about Panem. There is a difference.
When Snow talks to and charms Katniss’s mother, all I can think about is him schmoozing up to Ma Plinth while secretly looking down on her in his head, and I hate him even more.
Also NOT HIM WONDERING IF MRS. EVERDEEN MADE THE COOKIES AND REMINDING ME OF WHEN HE WAS UPSET ABOUT SEJANUS BEING EXECUTED BECAUSE HE DIDN’T KNOW IF MA PLINTH WOULD SEND HIM COOKIES ANYMORE.
(I did not expect to get so triggered by cookies, but here we are).
((Also, I’m imagining Suzanne’s character sheet on Snow, and under ‘humanizing qualities’ she has ‘likes cookies’ written down.))
Hmm, Katniss waiting for Gale and getting upset about the prospect of losing her ‘best friend’, so that when she finally sees him she’s overcome with joy and crying… I would absolutely not blame him for thinking the only reason she would react that way is if she had feelings for him. Her reaction is understandable, and so is his interpretation of it. And misunderstandings abound.
I had always wondered how Snow knew about the kiss, but now I see here that she says they’re at the ‘hole in the fence that’s nearest the Hob.’ Someone could have easily seen them and spread a rumor. Or reported it directly to the Capitol. We know from the beginning of the first book that there are ‘collaborators.’ Or possibly Peacekeepers, since we know they hang out at the hob. Maybe even a camera there.
Then of course we have Katniss’s utter lack of emotions about the kiss. Which is similar to how she felt kissing Peeta, until that one kiss where she felt something (sidenote: demi/greysexual Katniss? Can we get behind that?).
I don’t know why, but the whole ‘By the way, I know about the kiss’ line always makes me chuckle. Maybe because it sounds like something a menacing high school mean girl would say on like Gossip Girl or something. That definitely played out much better in the movie in my opinion.
Chapter 3
Okay, I guess him whispering that line to her was a setup for the reveal about the smell of blood being on his breath, BUT STILL I think that line is hilariously weak.
“My mother laughs, and I think about how there was no going back after I took over caring for the family when I was eleven. How I will always have to protect her.”
This is so sad, because this isn’t in response to anything wrong that Katniss’s mother is doing. She’s not being oblivious or fragile. She’s the one who first alerted Katniss to something be wrong, and she’s trying to see if she can help. But Katniss can’t let her. Katniss needs to shoulder the burden alone, because she can’t trust her mother after being failed by her when she was a child.
Lines like these to me really show Collins’s grasp on psychology. Especially child psychology. Katniss’s mentality is common with children who have been traumatized by their parents, even if through no/little fault of their own. And it really speaks to the survivor mentality that often defines her character.
But! At the same time we see Katniss’s lovely line here: “Because sometimes things happen to people and they’re not equipped to deal with them.” Showing that she does understand now that it wasn’t her mother’s fault for being mentally ill. At the same time, understanding that isn’t going to undo years of conditioning, trauma, and hurt.
Again, also, we have Katniss’s mother showing her astuteness for probably picking up on Katniss’s discomfort with her forced relationship with Peeta, and giving her an out by saying she didn’t think Katniss was old enough to have a boyfriend at all. That’s very clever, and very perceptive of her.
(Anyway, Mrs. Everdeen is constantly under appreciated, and she’s doing her best to be a good mom to Katniss, and people need to not give her so much hate.)
“But my guess is Cinna might already be at risk, and I don’t want to pull him into any more trouble by closer association with me.” I’m not crying it’s just smoky in California okay?
I like (hate) how quickly Katniss just dismisses telling Peeta. It shots exactly how disconnected they’ve become, and how far they have to go before they’re truly a team. Anyway, she’s wrong not to even truly consider it. Peeta has a right to know. It’s not just about Gale (even if it was - PEETA HAS A RIGHT TO KNOW).
“I wish the tub would expand so I could go swimming,” HA. Nice foreshadowing Suzanne. But no seriously, this whole little bit where Katniss talks about learning to swim is good foreshadowing, and much better than if we got to the Arena and Katniss was like ‘Oh btw I can swim.’ This must be what it’s like when you write an entire story before publishing, instead of chapter by chapter. And it’s cleverly folded into a section about her father, so that’s the detail we focus on.
Speaking of details, there was a missed opportunity for them to have Katniss’s eyebrows grown out in the movies, because Katniss’s prediction panning out is hysterical. And it would further highlight the division between the Districts and the Capitol (but wouldn’t fit into the Beauty Standards for Dystopian Girl Bosses, so it never would’ve happened. Honestly we’re lucky they even let her look so bedraggled in Mockingjay).
And then, in the same chapter, some more Quarter Quell foreshadowing, in the shape of… literally learning about the Quarter Quell. I don’t remember the experience of first reading this book, sadly, but the way it is presented really does sell the idea that will be the main meat of the book - Katniss mentoring some poor kid through a particularly nasty Hunger Games. Show of hands: does anyone actually remember predicting that she’d go back into the Games this early on? I’m curious.
Cinna remembered the hairdo! This was the thing that made Katniss warm up to him in the beginning. And we see here some of the barriers between the Capitol people and District 12 breaking down as they learn from Katniss’s mother. I’m sure Cinna’s intent is more about reminding everyone of the girl at the Reaping, but there is a bit of Cinna’s revolutionary spirit in just this small request. Maybe I’m reading too much into this though.
At the same time Katniss, you don’t need to feel bad about feeling superior to them. Sure their conversations about feathered costumes may seem harmless, but please don’t forget that they are literally participating in a child slaughtering contest. Empathy is fine and good and all, but you’re allowed to judge them. It’s chill honey.
I’ve always found the whole talent thing so random and curious. Knowing the backstory of it though with Lucy Gray makes it so much more interesting though. Especially with this line here: “Or maybe singing, which I wouldn’t do for the Capitol in a million years.” Which is amazing, because singing was the original talent from Lucy Gray BUT ALSO Katniss does sing the Hanging Tree in a promo against the Capitol.
So I guess what I’m saying is: irony.
I just generally love Katniss’s relationship with Cinna in this chapter. You can see how much it has developed over the phone too, with their easy banter. It’s also very sweet to see them getting to hang out without the pressure of Katniss’s almost certain imminent death over them and just joke around like the friends they are.
Prim being about to take flight - oof, I felt someone hit me in the chest before I read the next paragraph. That was the exact same wording that Katniss first used to describe Rue. Oh, katniss.
“My mother hurries up with something cupped in her hand. “For good luck,” she says. It’s the pin Madge gave me before I left for the Games.” I love, love, love the detail of Katniss’s mother being the one to remember Maysilee’s pin. Does she realize what a symbol it is? Or does she just remember it because she’s thinking of her friend looking down on her daughter? Maybe there’s even a spiritual element there to her - like maybe she ‘prayed’ to Maysilee to look after her daughter, and now she feels that it is important for Katniss to wear it.
Or maybe I’m overthinking it and Cinna just asked her to get it.
Effie Trinket isn’t just an escort, she’s also an AD and tbh would probably kill at the job.
“… but underneath all that, I can feel the steadiness that Peeta brings to everything. And I know I’m not alone.”
See, Katniss might not know how she feels about this kiss, but she is feeling something toward Peeta here. Steadiness. Trust. Security.
“He’s still looking out for me. Just as he did in the arena. Somehow the thought makes me want to cry.” Me too Katniss. Me too.
“I know Haymitch will be up for hours. He doesn’t like to sleep when it’s dark out.” Little bit of information on Haymitch’s PTSD. Interesting and sad. I can’t remember if this relates specifically to anything we learn about his Games, or if this is just a general PTSD symptom.
Haymitch and Katniss’s whole little plan/dynamic at the end there. I love the way they communicate and trick their way off the train.
“His face sobers, grows older in the glow of the red taillights. “Then you can’t fail.”” I love this line. I love this moment here. I’m not entirely sure how involved with the revolution Haymitch was before, but I feel like this is the moment where he really understands exactly how deep in it all of them are. And this is also the moment when he realizes how unprepared Katniss is for all of it.
“I’ll have to marry Peeta.”
Boom.
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darthkruge · 3 years
Note
hey could you do a jess mariano x reader where the reader has dyslexia but loves to read. someone at school makes a comment about her being dumb and she gets insecure but jess is super reassuring to the reader about how intelligent she is. also they can either be already dating or have mutual crushes. whatever you think fits better. <3
Jess Mariano x Dyslexic!Reader ~ All of You
Summary: Someone at school insults the dyslexic reader and their boyfriend, Jess, provides reassurance. 
Warnings: Bullying, language, insecurities, I think that’s it? 
Words: 2.1k
A/N: Hey!! I’m so, so sorry this took me so long to get to! I hope you don’t mind, I didn’t mean to keep you in the ask box void. I really enjoyed writing this, so thank you for requesting! I decided to make them already be dating because that’s where my brain went hehe. I hope you like it :)
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You walked to school hand-in-hand with your boyfriend, as always. Even though it took him about 15-20 minutes out of the way, Jess never missed walking with you. He hated the thought of you starting your day by yourself and never wanted you to feel forgotten about or lonely. Thus, the tradition began and it has stayed the way you start your day, everyday, for the last few months that you’ve been dating. 
Jess pulled you behind the science building, pressing his lips to yours. Your hands instinctively wove into his hair and his arms wound around your waist, pulling your bodies together. He smiled into the kiss before pulling away from your lips and gently moving his kisses down the side of your neck. You hummed in content before moving to meet his face again, once again pressing your lips to his. 
These stolen moments were what you lived for. You’d never felt too confident in yourself, at least as far as relationships went, and you weren’t used to this kind of affection. Even so, you loved every moment of it. Everything with Jess felt so natural. No matter what, you came first to him and he never failed to show it. 
You both pulled away and he softly kissed your forehead.
“See you after second period?”
“Of course” 
“Okay, love. Text me if you need me. Or if you’re bored. Or if you miss me”
“Oh, yes! That Jess Mariano charm. I’m not sure how I’ll endure two classes without it!”
“I’m sure it’ll prove quite e difficult,” Jess said, laughing. The bell rang and he gave you one last smile before you parted. 
You walked into your English class with a smile on your face, giddy after the experience with him. He made you feel alive. It was the kind of feeling you didn’t know you needed, but once you felt it you couldn’t imagine losing it. 
You sat down in your seat, waiting for the teacher to start class. 
“Okay, everyone. Today we’re just going to be doing some silent reading for the first half of class and then I’ll put you in small groups to work on a new project”
Fuck. Group projects were the fucking worst. Unless you got one of your friends, people were normally assholes and impossible to work with. 
Even though you were upset with the new development, you were excited to have time to read. You pulled out your copy of The Great Gatsby that Jess had lent you and picked up where you last left off. Because you read so much and generally did well or at least half-decent in school, people never assumed you had dyslexia. Lots of people had this false narrative that if you have dyslexia, you must hate reading. It was something you were used to, the stupid comments and assumptions. You tried to not let it get to you but you sometimes felt frustrated. You’d run into loads of ignorant people in your life and while you weren’t ashamed to have dyslexia, you hated having to explain it to every new teacher, every new friend in your life. You never knew how’d they’d react.
Even so, reading was one of your greatest joys in life. Losing yourself in the work, in the story, it was enthralling. You loved to find characters that you connected with. Their emotions were palpable and made you feel validated and less alone. Reading was one of the main things that brought you and Jess together. He knew you had dyslexia and, thankfully, never treated you like you were any less. You were afraid he would break up with you once you told him, but, of course, he didn’t. You were still you, and that’s all he cared about. 
He loved trading books with you and hearing your thoughts on them. In doing so, he felt the two of you were brought closer together. Discussing literature was an almost intimate experience in your relationship. Learning which characters and themes resonated with a person was truly illuminating about their personality and mind. Right now, as you read Gatsby, Jess was reading Pride and Prejudice. You loved Jane Austen, as did Jess, and you completely enjoyed discussing her work. 
After a few moments lost in thought, your teacher’s voice pulled you back to the present. “Alright! Okay so for the group project you will be analyzing the short story “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson. Please read it together today and discuss what you think the most pertinent theme is. I’ve already assigned the groups and I’ll display them on the board right now.”
Your teacher stepped back and turned on the projector so you could see the groups. Scanning for your name, you internally groaned when you saw who you were with. Sarah, Justin, and Alex. They were all close and their friend group didn’t exactly have the best reputation. You grabbed your bag, walked over to them, and sat down.
“So, y’all just wanna read it? Then just talk about it, I guess. We’re looking for themes, right?” Sarah asked.
Everyone nodded, opening up the copies of the short story placed on your desks. You jumped in and immediately felt yourself pulled into the writing. After a few minutes, your eyes glued to the story, you heard the rest of your group closing their packets. 
“Alright, everyone done?” Justin asked.
“Yeah, you?” Alex said
Sarah nodded in agreement.
You, on the other hand, felt your cheeks flush. You were only about 70% through the story. “Sorry, I just need a bit more time, is that okay?”
“Ugh, fine, whatever. Just hurry up,” Sarah groaned. 
Your face burning, you went back to the reading. It wasn’t like you weren’t trying, you were! They just wouldn’t understand it. You couldn’t count the amount of times people had told you to just “focus more”. It made your blood boil, honestly. It was so dismissive and you couldn't believe people still thought that way. You always focused and it wasn’t your fault, and, yet, morons like these three persisted. After a few more minutes, you heard Alex again.
“Come on! You can’t possibly still be reading?”
“I’m sorry, just-” You sighed, running your hands through your hair. “Please, just a few more minutes?”
“God, you’re so fucking stupid. No wonder no one wants to work with you. All you do is hold people up, you’re a goddamn idiot” Alex said.
Your eyes burned and unshed tears started to push their way up but you fought them down. You wouldn’t let yourself cry in front of them. They didn’t deserve to see how they’d affected you. 
Finally, the bell went off and you were able to leave. Your group glared at you and you realized you  hadn’t discussed the themes. 
“It’s, um, the story’s about the juxtaposition of peace and violence. Even though the people are in a calm, controlled setting, they resort to violence every year. It’s an outdated tradition they keep up and, thus, it highlights the difference between their actions and how they want to be perceived.” You said quickly, voice wavering. 
Your group scoffed before walking off. That didn’t bother you too much. You knew your analysis was accurate and probably far better than anything they could have come up with, even if they’d spent the last 15 minutes of class discussing it. Despite this, you still felt deflated. The shit they’d said, the way they’d treated you? You couldn’t deny it, it got to you. 
You walked over to your locker and put your stuff away. After that, you decided you were just going to go home. You could call the school later and say you were feeling sick or something. Honestly, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You were just so drained, you needed to get away from this place and the people in it.
However, you didn’t want Jess to worry. You sent him a quick text saying you weren’t feeling well and put on your headphones before walking out of the school.
What you didn’t expect was Jess to come flying out of nowhere, appearing by your side as if you’d summoned him.
“Jess! What are you doing? Don’t you have class!”
He shrugged. “You weren’t feeling well. Did you honestly expect I’d leave you by yourself? And, seriously, Y/N, you know I hate this place. You’re the only thing that makes it bearable so if you  wouldn’t be here, why should I?”
You nodded and kept walking forward. Jess looked at you quizzically, trying to decode your dejected state. He kept quiet, knowing not to push you to talk. He trusted you’d come to him when you were ready. Therefore, he simply followed you until you made it off campus, where you turned into a random alley and suddenly stopped walking.
Jess caught himself, almost running right into you. You suddenly turned around, dropped your bag, and bolted right into his chest. He was caught off guard but instinctively brought his arms around you, trying to comfort you. He noticed you were crying, your broken sobs getting muffled in his shirt. He soothingly rubbed his arms up and down your back, desperately trying to give you solace. After you finally quieted down, Jess gently and slowly pulled you back.
His hands gripped your shoulders as he studied your face, your sad gaze meeting his. “What happened?”
“Stupid English, that’s all”
“Come on, Y/N, don’t shut me out. What happened?” He said, his tone kind.
“I-” You trailed off, trying to keep your composure. “Some kids just said some shit. I was just reading slower than them and they said some shit. It’s not a big deal, I just- it got to me, okay?”
“Who?” Jess said, firmly this time.
“Jess-”
“Who, Y/N?”
“Alex, Justin, and Sarah.” 
Jess groaned, rubbing the heels of his hands over his eyes. “Fuck them, Y/N. They’re fucking ridiculous and they don’t know anything about you”
“I know, I know. That’s why I’m so goddamn frustrated! Because, like, it did get to me. Jess- Jess, they’re right. I felt like an idiot today, I felt stupid. And I hate feeling that way!” Hot tears smarmed in your eyes, the frustration and anger bringing them out. 
Jess’s gaze softened. As livid as he felt toward the three of them, he knew that’s not what you needed right now. 
“Hey, hey, hey. Love, take a breath. I’ve got you, okay?” 
You nodded, your breathing shaky from the stress of the day. 
“I’m sorry that happened today. Listen to me, Y/N. You’re so smart. You’re smarter than I am, hell, you’re smarter than anyone at that school! They’ve got nothing on you!”
You looked at him and smiled at his words but shook your head. “You don’t need to do that, Jess”
“Yes, I do. We promised we’d be honest in our relationship, right? Well, that’s all I’m doing. Seriously, Y/N, who else at that school could debate the themes in literature with me like you? Who could discuss the importance of accurate representation in books with me? Who could talk to me about just how influential YA books are and why they should be taken seriously-?”
“They are and they should!” You cut in.
Jess laughs, nodding in agreement. “Exactly!! You’re amazing, Y/N. And I swear those fuckheads are gonna get what’s coming to them”
“Jess-” You warn.
“Okay, okay!” He laughed, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “They just- they messed with you and made you upset and I fucking hate that”
“I hated it too. I hate doubting myself because of my dyslexia. I feel so shit about myself when I get in that headspace and I start spiraling and it gets out of control so fast.” 
“I know. It’s not your fault when those spirals happen. And I know you know this, but I’m just gonna remind you: you’re not any less because you’re dyslexic. It doesn’t make you stupid or anything. It’s a part of you and I love you, all of you”
Your heart swelled at his words. Everyone thought Jess wasn’t good expressing his emotions but you knew the truth. He was quite eloquent when he wanted to be, he just sometimes had trouble with vulnerability. You didn’t blame him for it, with his past it made perfect sense. But when you needed that reassurement, that compassion, you could always count on him for it. 
He moved to place a kiss on your forehead before slinging his arm around your shoulder. “Let’s go home, okay?”
“Okay” You smiled up at him and kissed him once more before tucking your head into his shoulder. He pulled you closer and you grabbed his free hand with yours as you continued to walk through the Stars Hollow streets together.
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nagito-kissmaeda · 3 years
Text
A Lapse In Judgement - Part 5
CHAPTER ONE: A Dangrous Present CHAPTER TWO: A Past Forgotten CHAPTER THREE: A Foreshadowing CHAPTER FOUR: One Possible Conclusion CHAPTER FIVE: Untethered
Komaeda Nagito x Ultimate Empath!Reader
Summary: Just a normal day at Hope's Peak Contains: she/her pronouns, gitches, blood and gore, rejection Read on AO3
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“So. Are you doing it today?” Koizumi asks, giving you a knowing smirk from her desk. It is a good ten minutes into lunchtime and the afternoon sun is cascading in through the open window. It’s a beautiful day, and you would usually be outside if you didnt have more important matters to attend to.
You are halfway through sealing a very fancy envelope with a collection of decorative stickers, but you still manage to shoot Koizumi a glare. Pointedly staring at her left cheekbone instead of into her eyes.
She laughs, “hey, no need to get all feisty with me. I’ve just seen you toiling away at that letter for over a week now, I’m glad you’ve finally finished it.”
You hum, peeling a sunflower shaped sticker from a sticker sheet and affixing it over the back flap of the envelope, “I had a lot of things to say, and I’m not a very good writer.”
“You sure as hell aren’t!” Another voice scoffs from behind you, and you turn to see Saionji sitting on her desk, swinging her feet back and forth. She clears her throat, “An except: my cheeks burn, my stomach twists! ” Her interpretation of your work is offensively overacted, she clutches her chest and bats her eyes, “ When your eyes lock with mine my heart flutters, when your lips form the syllables of my name I-“
Koizumi throws a pencil at her, you are eternally grateful.
“You memorised it?” You hiss, clutching the envelope protectively
“Yeah, duh.” Saionji rolls her eyes, “I read it over your shoulder like three days ago, it was so funny I had to write it down.” She smirks, “I already showed it to a buncha people.”
“Ugh, what the hell , Saionji?” You exclaim, pressing more stickers to the front of the envelope as angrily as someone can manage, “it’s very personal!”
Koizumi sighs, “yeah Hiyoko. That was pretty insensitive of you.”
You hear the beginnings of some classic Saionji fake tears, but force yourself to ignore it. Popping the cap off of a sharpie and inking a name on the front of your envelope. You try to write as neatly as possible, but it’s hard when your hands are shaking.
“So. Who’s it for?” Saionji asks, over her crying fit already. She leans in to take a peak and you hide the name with your forearm, glaring at her again, “What are you so embarrassed about? Is it someone gross?!”
You don’t answer, your glare grows deeper, but Saionji ignores it.
“Oh yuck! Is it Souda? Is it Hanamura?????”
Koizumi clicks her tongue, but a playful smile tugs at her lips, “yeah if it’s Hanamura we might have to disown you.”
“It’s not Hanamura.” You mutter, resting your chin on the palm of your hand, “just stop trying to guess. It’s only making me more nervous.”
Sitting up from her desk, Koizumi comes over and rubs your arm encouragingly, “hey, I’m sure whoever it is will say yes. You’re great, and your talent is really cool.”
You avert your eyes, “my talent isn’t cool, everyone thinks I’m weird.”
“Yeah, iunno, Koizumi-chan.” Saionji says, “I get shivers up my spine whenever she looks at me with her creepy eyes.”
You gesture weakly in Saionji’s direction, “see? People don’t like having their emotions read, it’s invasive and gross.”
“Hey.” Koizumi starts, giving you a soft smile, “look at me.”
Your gaze is intently focussed on her right eyebrow when you say, “I am looking at you.”
She laughs, “ No , look at me.” She points to her eyes, “right here.”
You swallow. Since starting high school you made a valiant effort to avoid using your talent, people always thought you were weird and creepy, it was hard to make friends, “Come on.” She says, placing her hand over yours, “You can trust me.” you take a shaky breath, and meet her eyes.
Protectiveness, warmth, friendship
You feel yourself soften a little, and Koizumi smiles, “okay. You get it now? We’re your friends. Hiyoko and I are going down to the cafeteria, you stay up here and do whatever you need to.” She stands upright and heads to the door, Saionji falling into step beside her, “let us know how it goes.”
Saionji sticks her tongue out, but does follow it up with a quick, “good luck!” before following Koizumi out of the classroom.
Now that you are alone, your heart starts to race. The envelope feels heavy and almost frightening in your hands. This crush of yours has lasted almost a year now, and this is going to be your first attempt to actually do something about it, you’ve never done anything like this before in your life.
You take a deep breath, and pull yourself up from your desk. Knees wobbling as you head over to the desk of Nagito Komaeda, and slip the envelope inside. Saionji would have teased you relentlessly if she knew it was him the love letter was for, but people think you are weird, and people think he is weird. Being the two weird kids in class meant that you spent a lot of time together, group projects that no one wanted to chance his luck with, or that no one wanted to spend multiple classes avoiding your line of sight during. He liked your talent, he trusted you to be respectful and careful of his feelings. Also his hair looked soft.
The letter asked him to meet the sender around the back of the gym after last period. It did not mention you by name. Until then, you were just going to spend the rest of your day completely normally. So you gave Komaeda’s desk one final look and headed back out of the classroom to go meet Koizumi in the cafeteria.
“Oh! Hey!”
You look down the hallway and see Hajime Hinata jogging up to you. You don’t know him particularly well, he sits at the front of the class at the desk by the window. The front row has five desks, the others only have four, Hinata’s desk is out of line with the rest of them. Like it was an afterthought.
“Hello.” You reply, keeping your gaze focussed on his nose instead of his eyes, “How are you?”
He gives you an awkward smile and rubs the back of his neck with a hand. You notice that his uniform looks weird on him, but you can’t place why. It fits, but it looks like it is moving and shifting on his body in ways that are unnatural, you don’t point it out, “I left my lunch in my desk. I’m coming back to get it.”
“Ah.” You say, “do you want me to wait for you?”
Before he has time to answer, you see a familiar figure coming down the hall and you instinctively grab Hinata by the wrist and tug him down to hide behind a row of lockers. You are too distracted, and don’t notice that Hinata’s uniform is black now instead of brown.
“What are you doing?!” Hinata hisses. You cup a hand over his mouth and hold completely still as Komaeda walks past the two of you and into the classroom. You notice that his vest is stained with what looks like gravy, luck related incident, you assume.
Once Komaeda isn’t visible anymore, you let go of Hinata and scramble over to the doorway. Peering around the corner as subtly as you can. He’s taken off his blazer and hung it over the back of his chair, and is in the middle of working his vest up over his head.
Hinata comes up behind you, peering around the corner as well, “What is Komaeda doing?”
“I think he has a spare vest in his desk.” You whisper, “you need to be quiet.”
Your heart is racing in your chest, and your fingers tighten around the doorframe. Komaeda lifts the top of his desk, and his brow furrows when he sees the letter. Gently picking it up and turning it around in his hand. At one point he looks around the room and you have to duck behind the door to make sure he doesn’t notice you. You can barely breathe.
“Wait. What did he just grab?” Hinata asks you, as the two of you lean back out. You don’t reply.
“Oh my god…” Hinata hisses playfully, “someone left a love letter in Komaeda’s desk?”
You’re still focussed on Komaeda’s long fingers as they slowly tear open the envelope, you see your sunflower sticker fluttering down to the ground. Biting your lip, hands shaking, trying to gauge any response.
“Oh my god!” Hinata hisses much less playfully, “ you left a love letter in Komaeda’s desk?!”
“Shh!!” You say, motioning for Hinata to zip it, “I’m watching.”
Komaeda’s eyes are wide as he starts reading, you can see his hands are trembling. Something you’ve written halfway down the page shocks him, he has to go back and read it again to confirm he understood it properly.
“Hmm...that was probably the bit I wrote about how nice his hands are.” You whine nervously, “oh god , I’ve made myself seem like a creep haven’t I?” You whisper, turning back to look at Hinata.
“Komaeda is not the sort to get creeped out.” Hinata mumbles, “I didn’t even know you liked him.”
Your other hand wraps around the doorframe as you lean out a little more, trying to get a better view of Komaeda’s face, “that’s the point of a secret.”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell him. You know your talent would answer the question for you if you used it right?”
You huff, “I don’t want to use it. I want to be normal .”
“Ļ̴͕̳̮̏̊̌͝͠ͅi̷͕͋̇̿̈́͐̉̈̒̆͂̆͘̚͜͝k̵̨̹͍̩͂̎͑̔̏͂́̽͛͋̓͝e̶̦̣͎͕̦͈͉͖͆́̈́̈́̋̓̊̕ ̵̛̛̛̟̩̺͉͛̄̉̈́͗̃m̷̢̢͖͇̣̞̱̮̱͕̥͂̌ĕ̷̺̝?̶̡̞̬̲͕̜̩̪̫̥̙̦̮͇̉̈̈́͘̚͝”
You freeze, so does Komaeda. The whole school comes to a standstill, “what do you mean, like you?”
When you turn to look at Hinata again, he is gone. You blink your eyes, maybe he just ran off? Either way, your attention was brought back into the classroom by a gentle gasp.
Komaeda has a hand clapped over his mouth, chest heaving as he finishes reading the letter.
Your heart is racing, your knees are starting to hurt from crouching around the corner. You wonder if he knows that it was you
It was you
It wa̷̢̨̖̪̥̹̤̼̭͚͈͑͆͑͆͐̈̆̂̒̍̿́͝͝s you
It was you
It waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaā̵̡̪̦̰͚̭̩̼͎̪͈͋͛͗̃̕͜͝͝ͅạ̵̭͎̥̱͎̹̭̺̰͎̈́͐̒̕a̴̹̜̟̺̞̓͆͒͗͝ä̵̟̼̟̥͎͔̯̯̜́̌̈́̿a̵̹͖͍̙͇̘͍͕͙̅̅͊̌̈́̒̃ạ̴̢̗͉̘̰͉̺̹͍͛͐̆̊͐͘͘͝ͅä̶̡̮͔̹̩̪́̊͒̉̉̕̕͠ă̶̻̓̍̌̚ḁ̵̢̢̢̧̞̱̥̠͕͚̉̋a̴̠͇̻͉̘̐̿͆̄̀̈̀̅̋̅a̷̢̰̙̦̮̘̲̓͝ͅͅa̷̝͖̜̋̈͛̈́̐͌̾̓̃͘s̷̰̻̼̲͓̮̺͌̑̓̃͒̋̏͆̐͌̌̐ ̵̧̙̹̬̞̦̝̓͗͊͌͠ỹ̷̯̯̃́̃̎͋̈́̏̎o̸̩͉͍̗̯̠̙̬̱̩͔̾̅̊̂̾̿̍̌̓̌͘͝u̶̻̳̪̪̻͕̜͜
“Are you alright?” Sensei Yukizome asks.
You blink. Your eyes feel heavy, your brain feels like static. You’re back in class, sitting at your desk. The rest of 77-B has gone quiet, they’re all watching you intently, “I’m...fine.”
Yukizome cocks her head to the side, brows pulled tight with confusion, “Your head hit the desk pretty hard. Are you sure Tsumiki-san doesnt need to have a look at you?”
Not matter how many times you blink, the world never seems to fully come back into focus. You feel sick to your stomach, “What are we doing again?”
“You’re meant to be writing outlines for your practical exams. Descriptions of your strengths and weaknesses, that sort of thing.” She is starting to look very concerned.
You swallow and look down at your page. It’s completely blank, you haven't written anything this whole time, “I havent started…”
When you look over towards the window, your eyes lock on Hinata. He is wearing a white shirt with a green tie. His uniform is completely gone
(Why ạ̴̢̗͉̘̰͉̺̹͍͛͐̆̊͐͘͘͝ͅre there five desks in the front ro̸̩͉͍̗̯̠̙̬̱̩͔̾̅̊̂̾̿̍̌̓̌͘͝w? Why does our clạ̴̢̗͉̘̰͉̺̹͍͛͐̆̊͐͘͘͝ͅss have an odd number of students when no other do̸̩͉͍̗̯̠̙̬̱̩͔̾̅̊̂̾̿̍̌̓̌͘͝es?)
Your head is pounding, and you can feel a distant tether to someone you cannot see or hear. Aching like a phantom limb. You stand up.
“Something is definitely wrong” Yukizome says, backpeddling from your desk when you suddenly shoot up, “Do you want someone to take you to the sick bay?”
You shake your head, “I’m just going to stand by the window for a second. I’m just feeling a little dizzy.”
She nods slowly, “Alright, but if you don't start feeling better, let me know and i'll call your parents, okay?”
“Sure…”
As you walk over to the window, something makes you glance at Hinata’s paper. Something unspooling the memories in the back of your mind whispers, s̵o̵m̴e̶t̵h̵i̴n̸g̸ ̸i̷s̶ ̵n̴o̸t̸ ̵r̷i̵g̴h̸t̵.̵  
Hinata’s paper, which should be a detailed explanation of his talent. Is incomprehensible. A series of jumbled letters and numbers blurring and shifting on the page, like trying to read a book in a dream. Dread seeps inside you, and it becomes a full tidal wave when you look up at the window, and see Hinata is now standing outside. You whirl around and see only the empty space where an extra fifth desk once was, the Hinata inside the classroom is gone.
Ḧ̷̢͓̰̤́̍ḭ̵͎̋̈́̒n̸̩͎͋͐̃̊̑a̸̧͉̻̩͙͗̔̓̚ț̵͎̫͑̈́ḁ̴̛̫̞̫̒ ̴̡͇͙̄̒͛̋w̷̡̮͈̍a̴̧̘͙͌s̷͍̫̫͑̊ ̴̭͎͙̆͑̀͑ņ̷̩̈̌e̸̢̡̧͕͍͆̋̋͊̈v̷̳̼̎̌͐͘ȩ̸̙̱̮͆̂r̸͙̭͔͊̂̈́͘ ̴̧̗̣̠͚̉̏̈́͝͝ẗ̵͍̪́h̵̢̤̏̉ȩ̸̩͔r̴̮͐ē̵̘̰̼̕
Heaving a shaky breath you turn back to the window. You freeze. Eyes locked on the figure lurking down by the tree in the garden, he stands completely still, staring up at you with red eyes that you can feel nothing behind. A maw of darkness chews on you from all sides as your stomach tightens. You’re going to throw up.
The person. (Hinata?) his eyes don’t turn from yours.
nothing nothing nothing nothing
N̸̡̬͕͓̪̝̙̙͙̊͑̎̎̔̎̒͋́͑͜ͅǫ̶̛̗̺̖͊͊͝t̶̼̩̣͔͎̭̜̦͓̂͌͌̓̎͐͆́͜͝ͅḫ̵̢̞̙̯̳͍̼̜̥̰̝̉̈́̀͊͆͐̌͘i̸̡̤͌̓̔̐̂̈́̔̆̇̇̎͌̇ň̴̝̬͔̞̓̔́͛̋́̐̓̾̾͘̕͠ġ̴̢̲̩̼̠͓̗̭̯͍̱̔̈́ ̷̡̳͕͓̗̳͍̣̯̘͚͓̼̠̉̎ń̴͙͚̯̪̤̼̳̹̮̓͛̅̍́̔͒̐̑̏͜͝ó̶̢̪̋͐͋̋͑͐̃̐̀̃͝ͅt̶̢͉̺͕͉̥̽̈́͝h̴̨̨̟̣͇͙̖̉̀i̴̠̲͊͗̌͊̚͘͝ͅn̷̹͒͌͂̕ͅg̷̨͓͔͓͔̹̜̻̙̺͆̽̂͐ ̶̧̛̦̯͍͆͂̈̇̂̇̿͑̐̋n̸̨̧̧͇̼̖̗̗̦͑͆̈́̐̅̓͒̽͂̃̕͝o̴̧̳͎͕̟͒͗̈́̅͑̓́͛͝ẗ̷̨̧̛͍̬͕̫̬̻̰͓̳͗h̷͈̹̻̰̪͍͖͎̿̈́̀͌͌̊̕͜i̵̧̛̫̊̒̈͑̆̈́͘n̷̯̱̓͊̀ģ̶̧̫͇̦̰͕͈̖͓̃͘ ̵̢̨̡̪̪̯͈̾͆̿̃ͅn̵̢̞͚̠̩̦͙͈̰̻̱̩͗͜͜ơ̷̡̲̯̇̽̐t̵͚͓́̓̈́̊̏͌͑̐̋͐̅̈́͘h̶̢̗͈̖͉̪͚͔̏̽̈́i̴̡͍̜͇̗̬̩̺͎͈̐͐n̶̛͕̪̂̽̌̒̃̾̿͌̽g̴̗̲̰͈̜̳̮͙͓̼͍̒̅̂̐͗͋͛͗͜
and just before you bend forward and hurl all over your shoes. His eyes blink once . Bored.
There are stories being told behind your closed eyelids. Stories of death and pain. Your eyes are fluttering and spinning but they wont open, you can't open them. Your talent makes you sick, it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts it hurts-
“Ah, good. You’re awake”
Komaeda is sitting in a plastic chair to your right. You are covered from your feet to your collarbones in an itchy blanket. The room smells like hand sanitizer.
“Oh.” You whisper, “I’m in the sick bay?”
“Yes. You lost consciousness by the window.” He laughs nervously, “I carried you over. I figured that studying for the practical exam isn't really something I need to worry about. It’s all going to come down to my luck anyway.”
You nod slowly. Still trying to slot the pieces together in your head. What made you pass out again? Dehydration?
The world is swirling, Komaeda reaches a hand out as if to steady you. His face is little more than a blur and you try to grab his hand as a way to ground yourself as the bed below you feels intangible, “Hey…” He whispers, “are you…”
You squeeze your eyes shut, forcing yourself to focus only on the sound of your breathing. When you open your eyes again, Komaeda is still there, but everything else is gone.
“Are you okay?” He asks, his hair is longer and more unruly, the bags under his eyes are deep and purple. The sky behind his head is a shock of red and smoke, “Your hands are shaking.”
When your eyes snap down to where your hands are gripping his. Bile crawls up your throat, your breath is coming quick and sharp. This doesn't make sense, why is this happening? Your head spins and twists and your heart is beating a rapid tattoo in your chest. The hand that should be gripping Komaeda’s, is instead gripping the limp wrist of a woman's hand, a sickening mixture of purple and black blotting its once pale flesh, red fingernails resting on your wrist. Your other hand is gripping a needle and thread, shaking as you are halfway through tugging a length of fishing line through the bleeding stump of Komaeda’s left forearm.
You shriek and scramble backwards, head colliding with what is once again the wall of the school infirmary. Komaeda pulls his hand back, it is his hand again.
“Ah, sorry. I shouldn't have tried to touch you.” He laughs goodnaturedly, “Even someone who confesses their love to me is too disgusted by my filth. I should have known better.” he smiles, “This is why i must decline your affections, you see, for me to dirty you with my touch. It would be a waste.”
You want to comfort him, to pull him into your arms and tell him that his touch does the opposite of disgusting you, but you can't bring yourself to do it. The sound of your heart beating in your ears is thunderous, you can still smell the rotting flesh of the dead woman's hand, still feel the sting of smoke in your eyes.
S̵̟̥̒̕͝o̵̧̯̔͛m̸̢̛͙̈́̋͛͜e̵̛̲͍̰̿̆͜ţ̶̰͐̈͆ͅh̴̟͐̕ḯ̶͓̤̏͝n̶͔͈̼̙͆̑͂̉g̵̩̖̔͊̊ ̸̢͚̆̐ͅi̶̻̋̔̕͝s̶̢̍̚ ̷̧͚̀͌ẁ̵̛̭̬̘̕͝r̶͎̖͈̋̓o̴̯̹̒̈͗̚n̴͙̲̂̽͘g̸͖͍̽̈́ ̷̫̘̠̾̊w̸͎̻̾i̷̳̮̫͊̏̇t̵̛͇̚h̴̤͙͆͗̍ ̷̨͚̹͇̃y̸̲̦̓̉́o̸͚͋̓͊͝ủ̶̹͖̈́.̵͖̔̔͋͘
Then. A realisation.
“Wait. Confess their love to you?”
“The note you left.” His head cocks to the side, “Did you forget? You had written so many kind things about me, I can't even believe half of them.” He sighs and his eyes attempt to meet yours. You stare at his shoulder instead, “I would not want you to waste your affections on me. You can do infinitely better.”
“Are you...rejecting me?”
Komaeda gives you a sad smile. The walls of the sick bay flicker and turn to static behind his head, “Please don’t misunderstand. You are wonderful, that you even confessed to me at all is...outstanding, you have so much to give and you shouldn't waste your love on someone who
is ğ̸̰̫͍̰̥̌̊̌̃͊̾͘͝͠͠o̴̰̊i̷̩͙͖͓͒͐̽̑́̈́̑͝ͅn̷̢̡̼̼̩̘̪͍̼̻̖̙̓̆̂̄̒͊g̸̛̤̼̲͐̏̌͐͊̽͗̀̄̐̓ ̶͎͑͒̋̐͗͂͘͝t̶̨̢͔̝̥̼̤̥̜͎̗͋̑̽̏̍̈͂̎̏͊̚ͅǫ̷̧̻̗̭̜̟̜͎̪̠̭͙͊̈́͛̊̔͘ ̷̳̇̿̀̑̂̂̉̄̓͘͜͝͠d̶̟͎̯͆̏̓̾̿̎̾́͗̓͒͘͠i̴͚̥͕̫͉͇̳̤̍̂͜ͅễ̴̡̛͇̭̤͎̙̙͓̟̞̖̘̓̎͆̀̋̐̕ ̴̥̜̦̬̩̟̪̼̮͔͆͋̋͋̉͜͠ḑ̸̙̙͍͑̅͋̽ỉ̶̛͈͓͚̻͋̅̒e̸̢̧̤̦͚̖̩͗͆͌̾́͂̃̉̊̐̾́͝͝ͅ ̸̧̜̬̲͚̽ͅd̸̛̛̲͊́̔̆̈́̍́̊͊͗̚̕ḯ̶̢̡̗͕̳̭͇̗̫̤͎̮͖̝̃̔̈́̈́̕͘͘͜e̴̪̥̲̖͓̬̹̗̙̽͗̍͑̋̏̆̄̑̆̿̕̚͘͝ ̵͓͓̦̽͒̐́̀̎̇͠d̴̡͋̍̅̽̍̌̄̏͑̈́̃͗̚͘i̴͖̠͈̾̀͂̄̕͘͘͝ę̶̞͐̑̍͒̎̽͗̿̑̇̅͘͝ ̴̪̝̬̂͌̎͗̚d̴̡̛̘͖̊̈́̾͊̌̆͂͛̐̓̏͝i̵̡̩͈̮͇͉͎̯̍̓͌ͅe̸̖͎̥̦̞̺̗͚̍ͅ ̵͍̬̳̞̰͖͍͕̫̥̝̑̋̂͝d̷͇̭͎̯̻͈̜̝̜̗̗͂̋͌͊̀͘ĩ̷̮̰̂̌́͂͗̐̅̕͘̚͝ȩ̸̢̰͓͎̪̤̦̼̣̭̲̫͔͐̍̀͗̈́̾̈̚̕̕ ̷͉͔͈͔͙̖̟̣͙̭͊̅̐̓̈́͛̇̓̾͑̈́́d̶͓̲͍͉̱͕̼̰̥͖͍̥̱͓̂́͑͛͗̈̈̎̍͊̇̿͋̔͠i̵̡͎̠͑̏̈́̿̇̚͝ę̴͇̬͈̫͈͚͓̰̥̝̣̫̑͆͋͑͛̈́͐̓̕̚͜ͅ ̵͉͈̿̈́͛͌̈́͆̓̒d̷͇́̇̂͛i̸̳͎̳̲̙̎͐̐̾͊̔́̈́̉͂̈̕ȇ̸̟̰͂̈́̂̚͜ ̴̝̣͓͕̤͚͕͈͍̻̐̈́̀͆͒͗̋̽͋͠d̸̡̼͈̘̮̪͉̭̯͎͍̪͚̋͛͛̃̀̔̌ͅi̷͚̖̥̫̲͉̩̒͂̓̈́̓̚ẻ̵̡̨̹̞̮̗̦̄͑͐̑̔͆̚ ̷̜̰̖̦̓̽̏͂̓̈́̊͘͠d̸̛̜̞̫͎͕͙͈͋͌̋͌̓i̴̟̱̲͉̟͔̇̑̅̔̃̽̑̑͑͐è̴͍̱̫̱̮͌̆͗̿͆̽̃̋ͅ”
His mouth is still moving like he is speaking real words. But all you can hear is that one word repeated over and over and over. Your heart is racing, you have no idea what is happening. Komaeda is just talking like nothing is wrong, the world is turning to glass out of the corner of your eyes. Breaking and reforming again behind your eyelids.
Komaeda disappears, like he was just erased from existence and you suddenly realise that you are crying. One of the tears catches on your finger, and shimmers in ways that are unnatural. What is happening to you?
There’s a creaking noise on the other side of the room and you scramble backwards on the sick bed as the boy who looks like Hinata comes in through the door. He makes no move to approach you, he stands stiffly by the doorway and watches .
You wipe the tears from your face with the back of your hand, “who are you?! What have you done with Hinata?”
“I have done nothing to Hinata. His fracturing was yours and yours alone.” He says. His voice is familiar. It digs its claws deep inside of you.
“His... fracturing? ” A sob hiccups in your throat, “What are you talking about?”
The boy doesn’t answer.
“Can you please leave me alone? ” You sniffle, wiping away more tears, “I’m having a hard enough day as it is.”
“If it brings you comfort, you will ask Komaeda many more times.” The strange boy says, staring off into the middle distance, “he will say yes on the sixth.”
“Wha- He will…?” You whisper, “How do you know?”
His eyes turn to you and you get a crawling feeling under your skin, like he is looking straight through you, “This world is fabricated, but much of it is based in reality.”
“I...what?” You blink up at him, confused, “fabricated? What are you talking about?”
“A defense mechanism. All in your mind.”
You laugh nervously, “this isn’t a very funny joke…”
“I do not joke.” He continues staring, you refuse to meet his eyes, “use your talent. If you are too afraid to believe me.”
You swallow, “I...I can’t .”
“No. You won’t ” he sighs, disappointed, “a waste of potential, predictable. Boring.”
“Fine. If this world isn’t real, how are you here?” You say, “I doubt I would create someone just to ruin my own illusion.”
“I am not from here. I have been sent to help.” His eyes are empty, his expression unchanging, “Your world is crumbling, and you need to leave it.”
“Nothing is crumbling . What is wrong with you?”
“Your denial is wasting our time. Your mind is trying to make assurances where it should not, trying to put together the pieces of three different puzzles all at once and they just don’t fit.” He takes a few steps forward, eyes still boring into you, “This ideal world you have created is not sustainable, cherry picking the good parts of three separate lives does not result in stability. If you don’t leave here, the walls will collapse around you, and you will die in the rubble.” He reaches a hand out to you, “come with me. We’ll untangle the mess of your memories, then tell me how you feel about staying.”
You are hesitant when you take his hand. The moment feels significant, like a leap into the void. You are surprised at how warm his hand is, for some reason you had expected it to be cold. He doesn't lead you anywhere like you were anticipating, instead he presses his other hand on top of yours and closes his eyes.
The smell hits you like a wall. People always say that scent has a strong connection to memory and a fondness you have never known breathes life into your lungs. It smells like autumn, bitter winds and pumpkin spice. Sandalwood, a hint of cinnamon apple and…
“Komaeda?”
His eyes turn to you, his face tight with nervousness.
“Are you okay?”
He giggles nervously, the sound echoing in the empty classroom, “Oh, me? I’m fine! My concern is what will happen to you if someone walks in and sees us like this.”
When Komaeda says like this , he means sitting together on the windowsill. Not exactly scandalous, but his own perpetual self-loathing has morphed it into something downright sinful.
There’s a brisk wind dancing through the autumn leaves outside the window. Red and orange trapezing through the sky. Komaeda has a thick green scarf wrapped around his neck and his nose is turning pink in the cold. He looks adorable.
Your mouth pulls into a firm line and you clutch your hands together in your lap, “You know i'm not trying to hide you from anyone, right?”
“And that is very kind of you. I’m sure no one would judge you poorly for hiding our relationship.” He smiles warmly, “I am human garbage, after all.”
“Komaeda, I want to tell people.” You say, rotating in place to face him more directly, “You think i confessed my feelings for you six times as a joke?”
“I did consider that at first, but the more i think about it…” He averts his eyes, cheeks turning a little pink, “It does seem like your feelings are...genuine. No matter how misguided.”
You huff and leap up from the windowsill, facing Komaeda with your hands on your hips, “You want proof that i'm not ashamed of you? Fine. I’ll do it!”
“Huh?” Komaeda breathes, “You’ll do what ?”
It is with great purpose that you cross the room over to the blackboard. Grabbing a stick of chalk and writing in big looping letters, Nagito Komaeda and I are DATING , underneath you sign it with your name. You are not about to let this be misconstrued. Komaeda is more important to you than the opinions of your classmates, you are willing to let Saionji tease you for months to come if it means he understands just how much you care. You gesture at the blackboard, “Do you get it now?”
He’s just staring at you, one hand cupped over his mouth, eyes glimmering with the beginnings of tears, and something much warmer underneath, “But...but class is going to start again in 10 minutes and everyone will-”
You cut him off, walking back over to the windowsill and cupping his face in both of your hands. Brushing an errant tear away with your thumb, you smile, “I know . That’s kind of the point.”
He gives you a watery smile, reaching his hand up to interlock his fingers with yours where they rest on your cheek. He is shaking, but it's a good kind of nervous, you can feel it behind his eyes, “I don’t deserve you…”
You laugh and press your lips to his tear stained cheek, “Yes you do.”
Then, almost as quickly as it began. The memory fades, behind Komaeda’s head you watch the sun set and rise over and over, faster and faster. Yellow, orange, blue and then purple keeps crossing Komaeda’s face like someone is tipping over a bucket of paint. He’s still smiling up at you, a hopeful expression frozen in time and you realise with horror that you can no longer feel his skin under your hands.
“No…” you whisper, reaching out to run your fingers through his hair only to find it intangible. A sob cuts loose from your throat.
“A good memory.” A voice says from behind you. That boy who looks like Hinata is standing in the doorway. His hair seems longer and darker, the tips are kissing his jawline. You’d almost forgotten he existed, “I decided it best to start simple. Your mind would not have handled something more intense.”
The sun is still rotating outside the window, light cascading through the classroom and then fading into darkness every few seconds. Like a subway train passing by a station.
“Is this the future?” You ask, voice wavering.
“No. It is the past.” He doesn't give you the time to ask anymore questions, though he can tell that you want to, “The next memory will be difficult. I will not ask if you are ready, because you will not be.”
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crispychrissy · 3 years
Text
Connected - Part 4
Summary: Dr. Austin's theory is put to the test, and she shows Tony, Bucky, and Steve the woman behind the mystery. Pairing: Eventual Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 2976 Warnings: Angst, medical stuff, stretching the medical science behind the super soldier serum, discussion of Bucky's previous trauma & a mention of the horrible things the Nazi's did A/N: I apologize for the late posting, I fell asleep so hard last night I didn't have a chance to queue this, and then I was out all day (good 14 hours out and about) so I am just now able to post the new chapter since I'm home now. As I mentioned in a prior post, I no longer have a forever taglist, but I will still tag series specific people if they request. You can also follow this story & others on my Ao3 as well. The series was beta’d by the lovely @idjitmonkey and I hope you enjoy! Please send me an ask if you would like to be tagged in the series. :)
Series Masterlist – Marvel Masterlist
☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆
Bucky made a quick call to Shuri who, after a thorough interrogation as to why he was asking, assured him his arm would not be affected by the magnets of an MRI machine. So now, Bucky was laying down on his back inside the machine and staring at the small glass covered camera embedded in the inside curve of the plastic above him.
“Stop staring at the camera, Barnes, you’re giving off some crazy resting murder face right now,” Tony’s staticky voice came through the pair of disposable earbuds he was wearing to protect his hearing from the noise of the scan. “Might sell these scans to Ripley’s Believe It or Not. You actually do have something going on in that head of yours.”
“As much as I know you want to answer, Sergeant Barnes, please do not speak or move,” Dr. Austin’s voice came through after what sounded like a small scuffle for the microphone.
Bucky blinked several times in an unnatural yet controlled fashion, and when he heard Steve’s laughter coming through the earbuds, he had to fight the urge to smile, knowing Steve got the message he blinked out in Morse code.
F-U-C-K Y-O-U T-O-N-Y
The scan was over almost a half an hour later, and Bucky couldn’t hide his exhale of relief once the table began to slide out of the massive scanner. Confined spaces still made his skin crawl and flash back to the cryo tube he was kept in, but the MRI was surprisingly open in design and not like the ones he usually remembered seeing in hospitals. When he brought it up to Dr. Austin on their way back to her office, she smiled at him and explained most of the soldiers they treat have PTSD and claustrophobia, so an open MRI design was necessary for the comfort of the patients she treats.
It made sense, and when they entered her office and Bucky’s stomach growled for the fourth time in the last fifteen minutes, she tossed him the orange he’d been eyeing earlier before taking a seat at her desk and flipping open her laptop.
“Normally we have to wait for the images to be reviewed by a radiologist, but I’m well versed in how to read brain scans,” Dr. Austin explained, clicking a few times before leaning forward to study the screen. “Oh, wow.”
“What?” Bucky asked, using his teeth to bite a chunk of the orange’s peel off since his right hand didn't have nails long enough, and his left didn’t have nails at all. Once he could see the flesh of the orange underneath, he slid his flesh finger under the remaining peel and began to remove it in large pieces, trying to avoid getting sticky juice on his metal hand.
Dr. Austin spun her laptop around to show Bucky the image on her screen. It was a scan of his head, he could tell that, but the mess of swirling bright colors on the inside where his brain was made his eyes hurt. There were bright greens and blues swirled with more vibrant reds and pinks dancing around inside the image. “This is your brain.”
“Looks more like those posters… the ‘this is your brain on drugs’ pictures if they were made in the sixties, Doc,” Tony said. “I’m guessing it’s not supposed to look like that?”
“No. There’s so much brain activity that it’s likely what’s been burning through your energy and why you’ve been hungry all the time,” Dr. Austin explained. “Any type of brain activity, including emotions and problem solving, requires energy, whether it’s planning a complex strategy of attack for a mission or a simple math problem or crying at a sad part in a movie. Overworking the mind usually leads to tiredness, which leads to sleep, naturally refreshing those energy reserves. Most humans don’t expend enough energy, even when the brain is very active, to require major replenishment. Take Mr. Stark for example.”
Tony looked up and raised his eyebrows. “Me?”
“Yes, you’re a very intelligent man, and I’m guessing that when you’re elbow deep in your inventions or developing something, you don’t sleep and will go days without rest… so you find you get somewhat hungry at random times, right?” Dr. Austin asked.
“Well, yeah, I usually keep snacks around the lab that I nibble on so I don’t have to leave to make an actual meal. It ruins the momentum,” Tony said, confusion in his voice. “Pep’s found me passed out over the kitchen counter halfway through making a sandwich.
“Your body shut down and went to sleep before you were even able to replenish that energy via food since sleep is more efficient. So, that is a normal human mind.” Tony opened his mouth to protest, when Dr. Austin rolled her eyes and switched analogies. “Fine, that’s a standard engine, if you will, that can easily be refueled by a small energy source for a limited amount of time before it needs to be shut down and rebooted,” Dr. Austin said, slowly twirling her right pointer finger in a circle.
“Alright, I’m following you so far.” Tony’s head was slightly moving along with the circular rotation of her finger.
“Now, in the case of our super soldiers here, imagine that engine, but amplified almost five hundred percent,” Dr. Austin began to rotate her finger faster and faster until it was a blur of movement. “The need for sleep is suppressed by the serum, since alertness is crucial in combat, so that reboot requirement is easier to put off. In order to keep this kind of engine going at the same speed and level of activity for prolonged periods, it would burn through a small snack, or a small source of energy, too quickly and would signal the driver of the car, if you will, that it needed more.”
“So you’re saying that something is making Bucky’s brain so active, and he’s burning through so much energy, that it’s manifesting as hunger to make sure he keeps up with what’s being expended?” Steve asked, his mouth slightly open in shock. “I mean, I always remember being hungry after mission strategy and planning meetings, but I just assumed it was because I was bored or had skipped a meal.”
Dr. Austin shook her head. “Nope. You were using your brain in overdrive, doing quick calculations and mission scenarios in your head to find the best possible plan of action, much faster than any normal human brain would be able to calculate. It makes you an excellent strategist, but that kind of brain power burns a lot of energy.”
Bucky snorted in disbelief and leaned forward in the chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “It makes sense. I was a good sniper when I was first in the Army during the war, but after Zola… after he injected me with that bastardized version of the serum… I could calculate trajectory angles and wind velocities and distances in my head in seconds, didn’t have to write them out to do the calculations. Didn’t even need a spotter anymore.”
Dr. Austin nodded. “Exactly. The serum allowed you extra mental acuity at the expense of more energy consumption.”
“But that doesn’t explain why Bucky’s brain is lit up like a psychedelic Christmas tree,” Tony said, gesturing to the laptop image. “Barnes obviously isn’t doing any kind of advanced calculus in his head right now.” Tony looked at Bucky. “You’re not right?” Bucky shook his head and Tony continued, “so why is his brain so active?”
“And that leads me to my theory about Y/N,” Dr. Austin said, standing up from her chair. “Follow me, gentlemen. And Sergeant Barnes,” he looked over and raised a brow as he trailed after her into the hallway, “please let me know if you feel any increased feelings of hunger or exhaustion. The effects might come on quickly, so please let me know if, or when, you feel anything.”
Bucky nodded, and looked over to where Steve was walking to his right. Thanks to their childhood friendship, Steve could always see anxiety and nervousness in Bucky even when he tried to hide it, like when he saw Bucky off the morning he shipped off to Europe. Bucky kept his face stoic, but when Steve hugged him goodbye, Bucky was practically trembling under the Army-hardened mask he had worn then.
Steve reached over and clasped a comforting hand on Bucky’s shoulder, giving him a squeeze of reassurance.
The doctor led them down several hallways, until they reached another wing of the military hospital which held secure patient rooms that could be locked down if necessary, whether due to outbursts of violence due to psychological issues from recovering soldiers or to hold prisoners who had been injured and needed medical intervention. Dr. Austin stopped in front of a room at the end of the hallway and gestured to the one-way mirror in front of her.
“Gentlemen, meet Y/N Y/L/N.”
The three men stepped closer and looked into the room, all eyes frozen on the figure sitting upright in the hospital bed. Y/N had shoved herself in the farthest possible corner of the bed, her knees tucked under her chin and arms wrapped around her legs. The photo in her file, and even the video of her they’d seen looked nothing like the woman before them. She looked almost emaciated, her skin a sickly pale that was almost translucent, and her stringy grease matted hair twitched slightly as her body trembled.
“Jesus,” Steve breathed. “She… she looks like those prisoners… the ones—”
Bucky swallowed and nodded. “From Natzweiler, yeah, I remember.” Bucky took a deep breath, fighting against the telltale tingle in his mind of a long since forgotten memory beginning to rise up like a wave. “Doc… is she eating?”
“She was when she first got here, but only if the food was left for her after she passed out from exhaustion,” Dr. Austin explained. “Now, ever since things have escalated, she rips out her IV’s, pulls out NG tubes, and refuses any food we bring her. I’m not going to sedate her just because it’ll make it easier to feed her, we haven’t reached that level of intervention yet, but we’re getting close. She told one of our staff yesterday, in Russian, that she was not going to eat any of our poisoned food, that she wasn’t some kind of lab experiment and that we were animals for not just shooting her in the head to get it over with.”
All of the air in Bucky’s lungs came out in one hard breath like he’d been punched in the chest, and he had to brace himself against the windowsill to keep his knees from buckling. “Fuck.”
“Bucky?” Steve gasped at Bucky’s sudden weakness, grabbing onto his friend’s arm and placing a gentle hand on his back. ”What? Are you feeling the stuff Dr. Austin mentioned?”
Bucky grit his teeth and closed his eyes at the onslaught of memory fragments bombarding him. “No, I’m… I don’t know, maybe? I just… she’s…” Bucky’s thoughts were so jumbled he could barely form a coherent sentence, even in his head. He made a choked off noise that sounded more like a sob before he lifted his head to look at Y/N. “She’s reliving my captivity with Hydra. This… this was after I was transferred from the facility the Russians held me in after they found me to the one where Zola did his experiments. They were, umm, they were testing the limits of the serum, trying to figure out what I could survive.”
Steve’s face dropped and he took a sharp breath in. Bucky’s captivity and torture was not something he talked about often outside his therapy sessions. Steve only knew a handful of stories, ones that had come directly from Bucky’s mouth, and even then they were very hard stories for him to tell—lots of starting and stopping, frequent breaks, and plenty of tears. But here, with two extra people with him, and one being a stranger?
“Buck, you don’t have to talk about it,” Steve whispered.
“No, I need… she said exactly what I said to the guards who brought me food one day.” Bucky swallowed hard, flexing his fingers against the painted metal of the windowsill, the cold against his flesh hand grounding him. “They were testing different poisons and how the serum would fight it off… arsenic, ricin, even different kinds of snake and spider venom. I had seizures, strokes, and my heart stopped so many times I lost count.”
“Fucking hell,” Tony murmured, leaning against the wall behind them, his face a few shades paler than it was ten minutes ago. “Y/N is reliving your memories, reliving your life.”
“We need to find a way to pull her out of this,” Bucky said, straightening up with determination even though his bones felt like liquid and his mind was full of numbing static. If Y/N was reliving his life, even if it didn’t seem like the moments were in order, he knew it was only a matter of time until she would experience how the Winter Soldier was born, how he was forged, and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Dr. Austin nodded and looked back at her patient through the glass. “If my theory is correct, which I believe it is based on your shared memories and brain scans, Y/N’s mind has somehow melded with yours. And your memories, powered by your mind’s energy, have somehow taken over hers, suppressing her personality completely. I don’t know if it was some kind of dormant mutant ability that was activated by the trauma of her captivity and torture, or something else… but there is obviously some kind of link between the two of you that we don’t have the technology to test for and verify. You’re essentially feeding her your memories, which is why your brain is lit up like that and why you’re expending so much energy.”
“It’s like she’s stuck inside one of Stark’s virtual reality headsets and can’t take it off, experiencing everything I went through while my brain keeps playing her different…” Bucky trailed off and his eyes widened before his head snapped to look at Y/N through the glass.
In a flash of movement, Bucky grabbed Dr. Austin’s ID badge from where it was clipped onto her white coat and darted for the door to Y/N’s room, scanning the badge so the door opened with a green light and soft click. Bucky, ignoring the shouts of his name and hands trying to grab at him to pull him back, opened the door and shut it firmly behind him, engaging the door’s auto-lock safety feature that he knows secure wings of hospitals have. The group outside would need to find another ID badge to get in, which would buy him some time.
Y/N’s wide and terrified eyes settled on him, and she tilted her head in an almost confused dog-like fashion, her eyes softening with an air of familiarity. Bucky could feel the hunger gnawing at his stomach turn into sharp cramps that almost made him double over, and there was a soft circle of darkness starting to creep in around his vision.
Bucky took three large steps forward, and even though she flinched away at his sudden movement, Y/N didn’t scramble away to try and avoid his hands as he lifted them. Her weary bloodshot eyes were full of unshed tears, and the closer Bucky’s hands got to her face, the more she began to tremble.
“You’re safe,” he whispered to her in Russian, before repeating the same sentiment in English.
The moment his fingers, both flesh and metal, touched the skin on either side of her face, it felt like he was on the wrong side of an attack from Thor’s hammer. Whatever weakness and hunger he’d been feeling was burned out of his body at the sheer shock cascading through his entire being. It didn’t hurt, but it was bordering on wildly uncomfortable, and Bucky was afraid he’d never be able to let go, his hands stuck to Y/N like a magnet.
There was something different passing between them, more than what touch alone could provide. Trying to understand everything that was happening was overwhelming, but when Bucky focused, he could almost feel Y/N inside his mind, like another whisper of a presence, a ghost in his consciousness. When he reached out in his head for her where he’d felt the ghost of her presence, he was assaulted with bursts of memories he knew were not his own, images of unfamiliar people, places, and things flashing in his mind like photographs. Bucky's curiosity was almost childlike, awestruck and trying to understand what his brain was comprehending, sorting through what Y/N was showing him.
The more information Bucky absorbed, the darker each memory became until it felt like he was wading through molasses, each image being harder and harder to move past. A hoarse whisper of “No” echoed in his mind, and Bucky couldn’t tell if it was his own voice or Y/N’s.
A solid arm wrapped around Bucky’s middle, one much more firm than human flesh would be, and pulled him backward until his hands dropped from Y/N’s face, breaking whatever connection had refused to release him when he’d touched her. Reality came rushing back, and the room and people around him flashed into existence, the change in environment and sound disorienting him and leaving him panting for breath, his knees wobbling.
“She…” Bucky looked over at Y/N, who was just as distressed, and watched her collapse onto the bed, unconscious, before his vision blacked out and darkness took him as well.
***
Connected Tags: @ginger-swag-rapunzel @that-one-gay-girl @fanofalltheficsx @joseyrw @lana-writes-04 @gia-25 @klanceiscannon14 @ahahafudge
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jinxedpanda4life · 3 years
Text
DamiRae Hospital AU?
  No I am not writing one, if I could write well I would though! So here are some HCs for a hospital AU.    If someone decides to write this then I’ll be your first reader. Also I am sort of basing things off of Grey’s Anatomy just a bit and my limited knowledge of the medical field.
- Starts of as 1st year residents, specialties may vary
- The “Titans” are residents and 1st years that show great promise, this doesn’t really play a role its just what people call them behind their backs
- Dr. Kori Anders is a OBGYN (women parts and birth) resident, a year or two away from finishing
- Dr. Richard “Dick” Grayson is is a surgery resident, trained by the hospital owner Bruce Wayne (who is a world renowned surgeon, has awards, etc), specifically general surgery
- Dr. Garfield Logan is pediatrician (kid doctor) res, bonds well with kids, but is considering going back to school to become a vet instead
- Dr. Jaime Reyes is an oncology (cancer doctor), having had cancer as a teen and is now forever trying to rid the world of it, works mostly with kids and teens
- Dr. Jonathan Kent is a physical therapist that works with pain management. Up beat guy and is always trying to brighten his patient’s lives.
- Dr. Damian Wayne is a surgical intern, blood thirsty little thing, hoping to become a neurosurgeon (brain, spine) (or cardiothoracic (heart, lungs) both are competitive)
- Dr. Raven Roth is an anesthesiologist (the drug person that knocks you out) and is starting her surgical internship (she wanted to do more than just help people get high essentially or whatever) has no current preference for any specific surgical field
- Add in characters:
-- Dr. Jason Todd, trauma surgeon (fits too well)
-- Dr. Timothy Drake diagnostician (medical detective basically) 
-- Dr. Donna Troy gynecologist
-- Terra Markov is a nurse (i don’t like Terra but nurses are the actual best)
- Story stuff:
- Damian and Raven meet as they are put under the guidance of the same resident
-Damian has an automatic dislike for Raven because she knows everyone already and is equally, if not much more, knowledgable about surgery, the OR, the ER, protocol, etc  He also thinks she is cold because she rarely shows emotion (pot kettle Damian)
- Raven can always be found in the medical archives researching old cases and studying new ones, Damian stumbles upon her when looking for an old cardiomegaly case (enlarged heart).
- Raven gets along with all of the past ‘Robins’ making her a go to intern
- Garfield can be seen whenever he is not needed trying to flirt with Nurse Markov and often goes to Raven to sulk 
- Damian and Raven are always early to pre-rounds and are typically the first ones there (usually early in the morning, getting there before 500)
- Jon bumps into Damian more often than not and they start becoming friends (Damian is reluctant at first and is still you know Damian about everything), Damian even recommends patients to him 
- Though Damian doesn’t want to really ‘hang out’ with anyone he reluctantly hangs out with the Titans, because of Jon and Dick
            - When in a large group when at a bar, club or whatever Damian tends to stay close to Raven because 1) they actually have things to talk about 2) she isn’t loud
- Raven & Damian are both assigned to a case that is frankly befuddling and have to start spending long nights and early mornings together to figure it out
- Over that period of time they learn things about each other:
-- Raven learns: 
Damian has a dog (Titus) and cat (Alfred) 
He is single (Kori told her) and lives in an apartment close to the hospital
He has lived in various countries
He is trained in multiple martial arts 
He prefers his tea with brown sugar and a slice of lemon 
His eyes are a true emerald color with a ring of gold and flecks scattered within 
He may hide it well but when Raven compliments him he becomes flustered
He speaks to himself in Arabic when he curses, trying to remember something, doesn’t want anyone to know what he is saying
He isn’t always an asshole
When he actually smiles a true and genuine smile, she has heart palpitations
-- Damian learns:
Raven has two tattoos (neither are a bird), a gang tat (she is saving up to get it removed), and a mantra in Azarathian; Azarath Metrion Zinthos
She immigrated from Azarath when she was around 8
Her notes are in Azarathian
She actually feels a lot of emotion and knows how to control them
If she is not reading about a current or past case she is reading any book or file she can get her hands on, he has caught her reading in multiple different languages; Azarathian, English, French, Russian, Arabic, Dutch, Mandarin, (could be more or less)
She lives alone and has a cat, Nevermore, and thanks to Dick he already knew she was single
She likes all tea, no matter how prepared, but prefers the sweetener to be honey
Her hair is black but shines purple, especially under the ER lights
Her eyes are a purple that at first glance look blue, like Elizabeth Taylor, he realizes though her eyes are galaxies on their own 
When she smiles the world actually stops moving, her eyes shine like stars and he never wants the world to start moving again
She always wears a necklace with a gold and ruby ring at all times (it was her mother’s wedding ring)
- When Damian starts having le feelings for Raven he considers actually seeking medical advice as this has never happened to him before
- Raven tries her best to contain her feelings when at work, going so far as one day a month staying home just to scream, cry and feel her feelings
- It does not help that new feelings towards Damian start popping up, especially since he starts bringing her tea and hanging out with her at work
- During the middle of their 2nd year of residency someone holds Raven hostage in the hospital to fix someone that person loves (this person had connections to Trigon and knew who Raven was)
- That was not a fun time for either Damian or Raven; Damian was outside the hospital pacing trying to figure something out with the other Titans trying to calm themselves and him down
- Shots are fired and when all is said and done, Raven gets shot in the abdomen and the hand (she was in ICU for a hot sec)
- Damian seemed to be there every time Raven woke up, he was always checking on her during rounds even though he wasn’t on her case
- Raven did have to have surgery on her hand and in her abdomen (idk where i’m not getting that specific), she hated being, in her words, coddled 
- Even though Raven was right handed (the one that got shot) she learned how to do everything, writing, eating, going to the bathroom, etc. (many of the other residents are impressed since she keeps working on it after her other hand heals)
- Raven’s room also becomes a space for other residents to destress and just vent about their day. She listens and gives advice, all without looking up from whatever she was doing. 
- During this time Raven becomes hooked on Pretty Pretty Pegasus
- Raven’s room is also full of cards, flowers, etc all from fellow staff and some from patients. When she leaves (she spends a couple weeks in thanks to multiple surgeries, recovery, and other minor injuries) all of the gifts litter her apartment, the cards end up in a box by her desk, she presses the flowers, and stuffed animals are donated to children’s shelter (she keeps some that she has grown attached to)
- During this time Damian is more of an ass than usual (people notice and tease him)
- Damian at some points keeps working without breaks/sleep for hours on end. Dick pulls him aside after noticing, scolds and forces him to sleep in one of the on call rooms. (He really wanted him to go home, but Damian wasn’t leaving)
- Once Raven was discharged Damian and Garfield help her back home (clothes + gifts + Raven w/a healing hand/other injuries = need help) the other Titans would have helped but were needed at the hospital
- Garfield leaves after dropping off Raven and Damian (and her stuff) as he is called in on a Peds case (could be fake, may not be) and Raven & Damian spend the rest of the time basically watching terrible movies. (with Nevermore sitting on both of them)
- That is the night Damian realizes that not only does he like Raven, but he like likes her. He starts devising plans on how to get her to date him. 
- All his plans basically are thrown out the window because of one reason or another (he kept overthinking it)(poor guy)
- It is not until their 3rd year of residency that Raven realizes her feelings towards Damian (Have I made it clear she likes him? I can’t remember...)
- She realizes her feelings when she has to crash at his place for a night (because he lives ridiculously close to the hospital, like how expensive is that??) and he tries to make sure that she is as comfortable as possible 
- She never realized how much he cared for her? Like she was always helping him out and there for him but she never realized he reciprocated that care? *Shocker*
- Raven becomes kind of a mess because of all her emotions that she is trying to bottle up. (all the corks are disintegrating and the jar is overflowing)
- Raven is during her Ortho rotation (bone surgeon people, they are cool, ik from experience) that she actually gets a good release for her emotions (setting peoples bones and drilling and hammering in pins is actually therapeutic) 
- Raven thinks that may be the specialty she chooses
- Damian saw her as a mess and could not fathom why she was said mess, he figured it was about a romantic interest after someone made an offhand comment about her love life and she became a blubbering mess (very un-Raven like)
- After all of well *motions with hands* that Raven asks why Damian doesn’t have a s/o or someone
- He says there is only person that he has been meaning to ask out (looks pointedly at Raven)
- All Raven says is “Go for it.”
And that is where my HCs end. Now if anyone who happens upon this post decides to write a Medical AU with any of these please tag me, tell me, message me. 
You do not have to give me credit, I just want to read it. 
This took me a couple of days to write up, so if it is disjointed I apologize. 
If anything needs to be corrected for any reason let me know!
 I hope this fuels some imaginations!
-I may post more HC AU things if they come to mind, we will have to see.
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cheri-translates · 4 years
Text
[CN] Victor’s Colours of Rain Date (Eng Translation)
🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date which has not been released in English servers! 🍒
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This date is dedicated to anyone who’s had a tough and tiring week in school or at work 🥰
The date begins with MC heading to the office at the ungodly hour of 6am, right after landing at the airport.
She’s tired but has to sit through a sudden and lengthy meeting with Yuelai Entertainment (“Yuelai”).
Yuelai is a reputable company which suddenly changed its mind regarding establishing a long-term partnership with MC’s company.
The representative from Yuelai bears bad news, saying that a partnership is unlikely due to budget constraints. MC asks for another chance to redo the proposal, but Yuelai gives her a vague response and leaves.
MC feels downcast because her staff members have been working very hard on the proposal, and all their efforts seem to have gone to waste. Anna tells her to rest, but MC wants to create a new proposal to change Yuelai’s mind.
She heads to Victor’s office later in the morning to present her weekly report. She starts dozing off.
A fountain pen taps my forehead. My eyes snap open in shock, and I am faced with an expressionless Victor.
Victor: Don’t get distracted during the meeting.
MC: Only the two of us are here…
I mutter under my breath, letting out a yawn.
Victor: Stayed up late again?
MC: I had a late flight, so I spent most of the night in the airport. And there was a sudden meeting at the office this morning…
I rub my tired eyes, feeling dejected as I recall the bad news from this morning.
Victor stops flipping through the material in his hands, raising his head to look at me.
Victor: Have you been feeling tired recently?
MC: Not really.
I deny instantly. Victor pauses, frowning slightly.
Victor: Just look at your eyebags. Even the pandas in the zoo recognize you as their relative.
MC: It’s just that everything is packed together so I’m busier than usual. I’ll be fine after getting through this period!
Victor: You’re really doing fine?
I nod without hesitation.
MC: Mm, I can handle it!
Goldman showed me Victor’s schedule for these two weeks, and the extent that it is filled to the brim is shocking. Compared to him, my workload is not worth mentioning.
Victor: Do you have any work this afternoon?
MC: Why do you ask?
Victor: I’ve read through your proposal and there aren’t any big issues. Go back and get a good rest. You’re not allowed to stay up late over the next few days.
I pause for a moment, look at the pile of work on Victor’s desk, and take out my laptop.
MC: I’ll stay here with you. Being able to stay with you is my best form of relaxation.
Victor: …up to you.
Victor lets out a sigh, a smile slipping onto his face.
Victor: How’s the deal with Yuelai Entertainment?
MC: This… I’m still not sure about their final decision.
I avert my eyes, even more determined to create a perfect proposal for Yuelai Entertainment.
MC is just about to ask Victor for advice when she receives a call. She has to return to the office to deal with a difficult guest on their talk show.
After that, MC finds one of her staff crying from stress
Thinking of how to comfort her, MC recalls the many trials she faced since Ch 1 of the main storyline, and how she plowed through them all
After that:
I finally have a short break and I rub my sore temples, the fatigue built up over the past few days overwhelming me.
The weather is fine and the leaves are swaying in the breeze. I stare at the clouds and find myself suddenly missing Victor. The time spent with him this morning was probably the only time I felt relaxed in days.
Someone from Yuelai calls MC. While MC’s company crafted a very unique proposal, Yuelai sees no future in having a long-term partnership with a small company like MC’s. Yuelai hangs up on her before she can even negotiate.
Depressed, she decides to walk home because the next bus would only arrive in an hour. To make things worse, it suddenly starts pouring.
The rain is so heavy that the bag she uses to cover her head slips out of her hands, her items falling all over the ground. Her neatly arranged documents get drenched too.
I want to escape from the spotlight. I don’t want to face tomorrow. I want to find an empty corner and just burst into tears. 
The phone lying in the water vibrates, signaling an incoming call. I rub my swollen eyes and reach for my drenched phone.
MC: Hello?
Victor: Where are you?
My voice is lodged in my throat. It never crossed my mind that Victor would call me at this very moment. I take a deep breath and pretend to answer in a relaxed manner. I didn’t want him to hear that I was about to cry.
MC: Why are you calling me at this time? I’ll be home soon, what about you?
Victor: …I see you.
MC: What did you say?
Victor: Turn around.
I follow what he says and am met with blinding headlights.
The car stops. Someone steps out of the car, opens an umbrella, and walks towards me.
Under the amber streetlights, his silhouette becomes clearer in the rain.
I stare dazedly at Victor, thinking that I’m hallucinating. The tears I had been suppressing threaten to overflow.
Victor frowns and looks at me, letting out a sigh.
Victor: How long do you want to stay in the rain? Come here.
I rub my eyes. Not caring how embarrassing I look, I rush into his arms.
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The feeling of acid that has been accumulating in my heart finally escape. I bury my head in his chest and burst into tears.
The umbrella is tossed aside. He places his outercoat over me, and the residual warmth disperses the cold.
Victor: You’re crying so badly. Seems like you’ve suffered a lot.
MC: I’ve already worked so hard… I’ve tried everything… I don’t know what to do… so that I can be even better…
I speak and pause through my tears. Victor pats my back gently, his actions slow and tender.
Victor: I know. You’ve already done very well. I can see that.
His voice is impossibly gentle in the gradually lightening rain.
After some time, the rain finally stops.
I look up at him with my reddened eyes. The Victor standing in front of me still doesn’t seem real.
Water droplets from the trees above pelt onto his shoulder. Even the front of his shirt has a large patch from absorbing my tears.
MC: This isn’t a dream right… you… why are you here?
Victor doesn’t answer. He gently wipes a tearstain off my face.
Victor: To fetch a dummy home.
In the car, MC realizes that she has lost her house keys in the rain so she’s unable to return home.
Victor: We’re heading to my home anyway.
MC: Y-your home?
I suddenly think about the sight of me sobbing my heart out earlier.
MC: Victor…
Victor: What is it?
MC: Can you forget about my whole bawling incident just now?
Victor: Don’t worry, I’ll get my outercoat sent to the dry cleaners tomorrow.
MC: …
Victor: What happened today?
Faced with this sudden question, I don’t know where to begin. Maybe it was the sudden meeting with Yuelai Entertainment this morning, maybe it was dealing with the difficult guest, maybe it was the heavy rain…
Maybe the culmination of all these things left me helpless and made it clear that I am not as strong as I thought.
MC: I realized that I’m not as capable as I thought… the more ambitious I am, the more helpless and small I feel when met with failure… I feel like a good-for-nothing…
Victor: You really are stupid.
MC: Why are we on the topic of my stupidity again.
I mutter softly, but turn to look at him curiously.
MC: You look like you’ve never lost control of your emotions before.
Victor: I have.
In the tranquil evening, his voice becomes quieter.
Victor: I’m no different from you. There are many things I cannot do or force to make happen. It’s okay to not be strong, it’s okay to not do well. You don’t have to bottle up your emotions.
I stare at his side profile, recalling what he had once said to me—
Victor is also an ordinary person.
[Note] She’s making reference to Victor’s Understanding the Human World date
Victor: I won’t tell you to keep holding on no matter what difficulties you face. That isn’t realistic. There will come a time when you will become an even better version of yourself who will have enough courage and experience to deal with all of this.
I suddenly have a realisation.
MC: You are an ordinary Victor, I am a mediocre MC. Everyone will definitely experience joys and sorrows in life. It’s just that people have different thresholds of endurance.
He laughs lightly, not denying my words.
Under the gentle streetlights, he pauses. It is as though an inordinate amount of time passes before his voice reaches my ears, but every word is crystal clear.
Victor: But before that, I hope you can learn to rely on me. At least with me, you always have the right to be vulnerable.
After they reach Victor’s house, he towels her hair dry and covers her with a quilt. Victor prepares to take a shower and asks MC to get him a change of clothes. 
When MC enters the bathroom, Victor is in a state of undress – his shirt is half-open and his tie hangs loosely off his neck.
MC places the clean clothes down, but slips on her way out because - I kid you not - she keeps thinking about how she can see Victor’s abs through his shirt lol
Victor: Be careful!
Victor’s warning comes too late. I lose control of my body, falling against Victor. I hear a pain-filled groan from behind me.
Feeling something warm, I have a bad feeling as I lift up my head.
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Under the bright lights, Victor pushes himself off the ground with his palm, leaning his back against the white tiles. His fringe is messy, beads of water on the tips of his hair.
His wet, half-translucent shirt sticks to his skin, revealing a sculpted abdomen that is usually covered and hidden.
The shower hose is at the side, and the sound of water continues to resound.
My line of sight trails from his leg upwards and finally settle on his handsome face. I feel slightly dazed.
Victor: Seen enough?
MC: No…
I bite my tongue before the words leave my mouth, trembling as I remove the hand that is still on his chest.
MC: One misfortune after another, haha…
Victor: Stand up. How long do you intend to sit on the floor?
Victor stands first before pulling me up. He then retrieves a towel to wipe off the water droplets on me.
Victor: There really isn’t a single moment when I don’t have to worry.
After this, MC chills on the sofa in the living room and looks around.
She sees her proposal on the table. Wondering what criticisms Victor has in store for her, she decides to flip through it:
Unexpectedly, every page is filled with more comments than usual.
“Not bad”
“There’s some improvement”
“Worthy of commendation”
Not only are there praises that I don’t normally see, but there are also extremely detailed examples and analysis.
A CEO who has a thousand things to do each day is so detailed and meticulous?
I can’t help but let out silly laughter, my fingers trembling lightly. I gently touch the handwriting that belongs to him.
In my most fatigued and embarrassing moment, Victor was the one who came to me with a hug.
He is the only island that I, a little boat which has drifted off course, can rely on.
Victor: Why haven’t you gone to sleep?
MC: …I can’t sleep. I was waiting for you.
Victor has stepped out of the bathroom and is now standing behind me.
He wipes his damp hair with a towel, water vapour faintly surrounding him. He looks at me, his line of sight following my actions to the proposal on the table. He looks surprised.
MC: I promise I’m not working. I was just looking around… and saw this.
I nod towards the red-coloured comments and cast him a smile that says: “I understand everything”.
Victor: I was just curious to see whether a silly technique of encouragement would be beneficial to you.
I’m not surprised that he isn’t speaking from the heart…
MC: It’s not silly at all, and it’s extremely effective! I recommend that you use it very often!
He ignores my teasing, walks around the sofa, and sits beside me.
I look at Victor, whose profile has been caged in a halo. Only the sounds of our breathing echo in the quiet air.
Victor: Your eyes are still swollen.
I subconsciously touch my eyelids.
MC: D-does it look ugly?
Victor: Mm, very ugly.
There is a smile in his voice.
MC: …then stop looking!
I lower my head dispiritedly, pulling the quilt over my head.
Victor: You dummy.
He looks even more deeply into my eyes. The breathing that falls on my ear is very gentle, very steady, and very long.
Victor: From now onwards, I’m the only one who can see your crying face.
💧
Phone Calls: First // Second
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harmoni-me · 3 years
Note
hello it’s me again! thank you for fulfilling my request i just loved it. can you please do a continuation? like- reader starts receiving these anonymous love letters and gifts, this drove the boys (and the reader) to confess their feelings in the end. angst to fluff
Wow, thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! This one is even longer than the last, so please have fun reading this one!
Nagito Komaeda x Sweetheart Reader x Kokichi Ouma Pt. 2
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Crunch
Huh? What in the world-
Last time you remembered reaching into your school duffle bag, all you had in it was a comfy change of clothes for when gym activities rolled around, and a wet bottle of water that was dripping with condensation, but…
You didn’t remember an envelope, not in the slightest.
A nervousness started to boil over from your head to your heart, face heating up as quickly as hot coals on a cold evening. Is this… what you thought it was?
You’re stomach dropped at the realization, plunging into the depths of your being, as a realization struck.
This…this was probably not who you thought it was from.
In retrospect, the sting would only sink in deeper if only a single letter was given.
You weren’t satisfied, and that made you feel like you were scum, too dirty to even bother to be dealt with.
Even feeling a great amount of resentment to the silly thing, it’s not like you weren’t going to open it. You weren’t heartless when it came to the topic of possible confession. I guess you could say that the author of the letter made you feel something you haven’t felt in a while.
It’s was pure, unbridled, bitter jealousy. Jealousy that engulfed your vision, clouding all sense of realism.
Why could someone so anonymous have more guts about dealing with their crush than you? This person, who you didn’t even know, had the heart of a lion to sit down, write out something deep and personal, and somehow get it to you.
You were jealous, because you would never have the heart to do the same.
Once the bell rang to signal the last period of the day, you begrudgingly stood from your desk, knowing what you had to do. You had to open it, it would be extremely inconsiderate if you didn’t.
While you were walking in the hallway to somewhere slightly more secluded, you slipped the letter out of your bag. It was pure white, and it wasn’t made out of anything fancy. The opening was sealed by a simple piece of clear scotch tape, and when turning the message over, on the back was large, red letters that spelled your name in delicate cursive. You really wanted to get this over with.
“BOO!”
“OH MY GOD-“ You jumped out of your skin, dropping the envelope in your hand, causing it to flutter to the floor.
“Nehehe! I got you so good!” A purple-haired brat giggled at your jump of fright, rounding the corner he was hiding behind. His eyes then wandered to the envelope that was laid flat on the tiled floor, his eyebrows rose, and a smirk slowly carved his way onto his face.
“Oooo, what’s this little thing, hm? An invitation? A secret message?….”  Kokichi knelt down to pick up the letter, fitting the paper between his middle finger and index finger. He got up all in your face, an evil smile plastered on his face, reaching all the way up to his eyes. He got closer to your ear, voice dropping, and his breath hot against your ear.
“Maybe…a love confession? Aww, how sweet…” Kokichi hummed, pleased by the steamy expression your face turned when you were embarrassed. Then, as suddenly as the actions before, Kokichi hopped backwards, grasping onto the letter with both hands, raising it aggressively high in the air.
“Ahhh! The anticipation! What’s inside, what’s inside, what’s inside?!” Kokichi kept on blabbering, waving the envelope all over the place, as if he was a child on Christmas Eve, shaking a wrapped gift to see if they could guess its contents.
When you saw the best opportunity, you quickly snatched the letter back from the naughty boy’s grubby little hands, huffing with a blush on your face once you retrieved what had been addressed to you.
You leaned your back against the hallway wall, which had now been abandoned. Slowly, you sunk yourself down to the ground, not once taking your eyes off of the red lettering that spelled your name in flawless cursive. You noticed upon close inspection that the lettering was a little smudged at the ends, most likely from Kokichi’s roughhousing with it.
A rough thump rang out next to you, making you look over with not much interest. Kokichi, in all of his nosy glory, had sat right up next to you against to wall, head shoved all in your business.
“Come on! Open it already! The suspense is killing me!” Kokichi was vibrating from waiting so patiently....to what extent Kokichi could be patient, that is.
You sighed, giving up. It was most likely anonymous anyway, so Kokichi won’t even know who to target ruthlessly on for the next month.
You let the tip of your finger slide into the opening of the letter, breaking the tape to the prized information. You carefully slipped out the neatly folded piece of paper, which was a thicker, almost card stock like texture.
Even before opening it, you could feel the emotion that radiated out of the paper. You suddenly had an image turn in your mind, of a person looking to be your age, carefully writing every word down as perfectly a flawed human could. Though, you could imagine them also grasping at their hair, crumbling up previous attempts, over and over again, as if disposing of their emotions, yet rebirthing it to be conveyed better each and every time.
It made you feel that much worse, knowing  that the writer’s feelings are in no way reciprocated. You couldn’t, because the feelings to give back were already stolen in their entirety. By two other people, none the less.
Ironic how one of your two fattest crushes you’ve ever had in your life was basically huddling into you right at this moment, wanting so desperately to know what the paper read.
When finally did unfold the letter, you were met with beautiful, curvy handwriting, not a spelling error or smudge could be found.
. . .
To the one who my heart yearns for the most,
I’ve lost track on how many times I have written this letter. For reference, the bin next to me is now filled to the brim and was completely empty just two hours ago, but that’s not important, is it?
Let’s get the obvious things out of the way, shall we? I adore you. Though I’m keeping this anonymous, I want you to know that my heart has grown ten times it’s size ever since the day I met you. Every single attribute about you I hold as a precious keepsake within my mind. Every time you do anything, say anything, I want to keep it all to myself. I want to lock the sound of your voice, and keep vivid pictures of your smile fresh within my memories.
You, (Y/N), have made me feel things that I  thought I had become numb to. I was unapproachable. A man that was blinded by his own psychotic desire to be used, that’s what I was.
You might think I’m exaggerating, but I believe you’re my guardian angle, sent to be due to God’s pity. Now that I’ve written it down, that was stupid, but I’ll keep it, because it’s the truth.
You saved me from myself, causing me to unsurprisingly fall in love with the one who made me realize I was a human, standing among other flawed humans, all having different lives, hopes, talents, aspirations...
Your kindness, no, your everything gave me so much room to simply breathe, and realized what I was doing to myself and to others.
Now that that’s out of the way, I would like to mention something I’ve...conjured.
I’m not very great at using my words, so that’s why I’ve poured everything into this letter, but you deserve to know who I am.
I’m scared, and if you do see me, I might not be able to get a good amount of words out but
In two days from now, after school, I want to meet you. I was thinking on the school rooftop? If you decide to come, I’ll be there waiting.
. . .
Wow
Who...who was this guy? And why...
Your eyes were brimming with tears, glossy from such words. This could be anyone, yet, what did you do? You were friends with many people, but not like this...you don’t think?
You suddenly felt something warm wiping away your now falling tears, gliding over your cheeks to brush away your liquid sadness.
“Hey, don’t cry...it’s not a good fit for you.” Kokichi then used his bandana to gently dry your puffy eyes and crimson cheeks. You looked up at the boy, who had the tiniest smile present on his face. It was almost as if that was how far the smile could go.
The sun broke through a window across the hallway, landing on Kokichi and his facial features. You looked into his eyes, but something was off.
Those eyes, they reflected a lot more light than they usually did, as if they were simply water in a pond. Was he-
“Well, that sure was something, huh?” Kokichi turned around, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve, trying to be discreet. You noticed though, but decided to not say anything.
. . .
When you thought things couldn’t get worse, you had totally jinxed yourself the next day.
You wanted to get your water bottle out of the your school duffel bag during class, because humans have to drink every once in awhile, but when you did...
Crunch
What...what even was that?
You honestly didn’t even want to bother until the end of the day with how you were feeling right now.
You were slumped, once again, in an empty hallway, browsing your phone and looking at funny cat videos to raise your vibrations. At least they made you smile.
“Is there a kitten nearby?” A voice had pierced the atmosphere. You looked up, it was Nagito standing over you, a face of half wonder and half concern delicately painted on his features.
You looked downcast, and you hated hiding your emotions, so it was plainly evident to Nagito how you felt in that moment, and he was heartbroken.
He placed his belongings next to you, along with himself, comfortably hugging his knees into his chest. He turned to you frowning a bit.
“You...only watch cute animal videos when you’re sad. Is... there anything wrong?” Nagito questioned, wanting to help you as much as you’ve helped him.
“It’s kinda personal, but your company already makes me feel better, so it’ll all be fine.” You gave the white haired boy a little smile, showing just how genuine you were.
Nagito hummed, nodding in understanding. He was playing it cool in front of you, but he really wanted to punch the person that made you feel like this.
It’s funny, because he probably has an idea of who...
“Oh, yeah, the thing...” You mumbled, reaching over to dig around in your duffle bag. When you felt the crunchy texture, you pulled it out, revealing something something that you honestly weren’t expecting.
It was a large pink lollipop, and it was in the shape of a heart.
It was probably as big as your head, and there was a clear, wrapper-like foil around the treat, preserving it for the consumer.
“Where did you get that?” Nagito raised a brow, because it was quite ridiculous how absurdly large this lollipop was. It was a funny sight though, seeing you side to side with with a sweet that could easily cover your whole face.
“I... think someone game this to me?” You thought, smiling a bit at the silliness of the situation.
But your mind wandered... was it the same person who wrote the letter? Then again, you didn’t think it would make sense with someone like him getting, well, this. Especially after writing something so deep and personal. This just kinda seemed incredibly random.
Either way, you started to unwrap the lollipop, wanting to eat some of it, even though you were most likely not going to finish the thing.
Resuming the cat videos, you repositioned the phone between you and Nagito. The boy took a glance, watching as he saw a fluffy white kitten get scared from playing a note on a piano, making him chuckle.
“You wanna watch somethin’ else, Nagi?” You asked Nagito, making him perk up in attentive nature. His smile conveyed so much care for you, as if you were his most prized gift he had ever received in his life.
“I’m bound to enjoy anything you would like, (Y/N)! Please, pick whatever you would like!” Nagito waved his hands, signaling not to worry about him, after all, you were the sad one out of you two for the moment.
“Ok! We’re watching Gordon Ramsay yell at people!” You promptly spoke, grabbing the phone and setting up the Hell’s Kitchen episode.
“Don’t mind me asking, but who is that?” Nagito questioned genuinely, making you gasp in surprise. How?
“He’s one of the best chef’s in the world, but he’s super strict with his employees, so it’s kinda entertaining. You’ll see!” You exclaimed, scooting yourself closer to Nagito, propping up the phone. You leaned into his side, taking a little nibble from your lollipop.
Nagito’s eyes kept on darting from you to the screen, having trouble with containing his emotion with you simply leaning on him to watch a show about...a vulgar-mouthed chef.
“Hm? What’s the matter?” You looked up at him, face inches apart from his. He didn’t respond, too nervous to trust his mouth. Lucky for him, you cut in.
“Oh! You want some?” You stuck the untouched side of the lollipop to Nagito’s mouth.
His brain and heart were on fire, and not a lick of logic was left. He pressed his lips against the candy, and sucked on a small portion.
It was your favorite flavor...he liked it way better than artificial grape soda, by a long shot.
After licking to his satisfaction, Nagito locked his teeth into the part he had been abusing with his mouth, biting off a piece for to-go.
“I need to go to the restroom, ok? I’ll be back.” He said, getting up from his seated position, making his way and entering into the boys bathroom at the end if the hallway.
You don’t know if he knows, but boy, you were blushing up a storm. He literally just gave you an up close and personal presentation on how his tongue did it’s work. Now, you didn’t really care for dirty thoughts, but after witnessing that, you couldn’t help it...
You looked down at the lollipop, now with a small chunk of it gone missing from the main snack. You examined it, and realized something so blatantly obvious, it was embarrassing.
Rapped around the white stick of the lollipop was a piece of yellow paper, and without much thought, you unraveled it.
It was a note, but it was short, and written it blue colored pencil.
. . .
Found this at a candy store, and bought it because you looked sad the last time I saw you. Seeing you sad makes me sad and stuff so yeah. I’m not signing my name here or anything, cuz that would just give away the surprise! But I’ll confess to you properly in person, cuz I’m better at talking. Meet me tomorrow after school, on the roof!
. . .
Huh?
Was this...the same guy? No, no it’s really couldn’t have been. The handwriting was different, the spelling was off, and they seemed a lot more laid back. Also, the author of the letter clearly stated that he was better at conveying is precious feelings by writing, while this one said they were more than happy to spill their own feeling with their voice.
So, you’ve got two secret admirers now...and both of them want to meet at the same place, and the same time.
Maybe this was all just some twisted, elaborate trick by a group of thugs, wanting to lure you in, then gang up on you like street cats when they found a lowly mouse to pray upon.
You’ll never know, unless you sucked it up and went tomorrow.
. . .
Well, there you were, on the roof after school the next day.
No one was there.
The sky was as clear as your blank mind, which you had forced to stop thinking about the world around you, and what you were doing. The breezed tickled your face, as if the wind tried to replicate the feeling of tips of grass grazing on ones cheek.
The only noise was the muffled chattering from students below, creating the perfect background noise to just...relax.
Until you heard yelling.
It was coming from the stairwell that lead up to the roof. You didn’t move a muscle, it was probably just loud, rambunctious students.
But it just kept on going, and going, on and on like a hyper parakeet who had a shot of expresso.
Well, since your admirers haven’t shown their faces for the past fifteen minutes, there’s nothing better right now than to snoop on the possible drama rumbling around in the stairwell. Might make a good story to tell someday, you never know.
You made your way into the stairwell, only to be met with very familiar voices, but you quickly made your presence unknown to them, hiding behind a wall.
“Kokichi! I told you not to not to get yourself involved!” Nagito raised his voice a little, but not to the point where it was just pure anger talking. Kokichi stood, fists balled up in pent up frustration.
“I know you did! And it was stupid that I did, but-“ Kokichi yelled, desperation in his voice.
“Then WHY? You knew I wrote that letter, hell, you were there helping me write the damn thing, but you go and do this?!” Nagito’s heart was the one talking at this point, because you’ve never heard his voice twinge in such genuine emotional pain.
But now you knew who wrote the letter, it was Nagito.
That didn’t sink in as hard as it was supposed to, until-
Wait, Nagito?
“Y-you don’t understand!” Kokichi responded, clenching his teeth from emotional agony.
“I do understand, and I just want to tell you that you’ve went way too far on this sick joke-“
“IT’S NOT A JOKE!” Kokichi cried out, a rasp in his voice becoming evident.
“Then what is it, Kokichi? Spill it. You know how important this is to me, and I don’t like yelling at you.” Nagito was stern, his voice dominating the purple-haired boy.
“Because...I-I...” his voice broke in sadness and so, so much regret. He suddenly huffed, opening his mouth to wallow out.
“B-BECAUSE I LOVE THEM TOO!” Kokichi sobbed. Thick, wet tears rolling down his swollen cheeks. Nagito was shocked, not saying a word. Nagito’s frown deepend because of the wallowing boy in front of him that he cared so much for. Yet, like always, he could never find the words to wrap Kokichi in warmth and apology. The thought made Nagito’s eyes begin to water.
Look what you did, you hurt him, you absolute scum.
“B-but *hic* I-I-I’m s-so *hic* s-selfish...I...” Kokichi hiccuped, trying his absolute best to get his words across.
“I’M SO FUCKING SELFISH, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU TOO, NAGITO KOMAEDA....y-you b-b-big jerk...” Kokichi wailed, a river of tears poring, falling to the concrete floor; the droplets staining the ground in a darker shade of grey when they landed.
“O-oh my god...K-Kokichi...l-“ Nagito started, hands shaking violently. This was bad, this was really bad.
And you knew that.
So you ran. You ran so fast out of your hiding spot, down to the two people in this world that you cared about the most.
And before you knew it, you harshly brought the both of them into your arms, causing the three of you to to collapse onto the ground.
You let it all out. You bawled into their arms, letting out your cries. Whether it was just from sadness, or of relief, that didn’t matter. You cried, until your eyes went dry, and all of your tears were soaked into the boys’ shirts.
. . .
After a bit, all was silent, except for the breathing of you three all mixing together. Your bodies were intermingled, assuming the best position for comfort and care.
You needed to say something, anything. You needed to tell them, or else everything will fall apart.
“I can’t choose.” You put it simply, the two other boys perked up, tear stains prominently showing on both of their faces.
“(Y/N)...” Nagito mumbled.
“I desperately need the both of you. So badly. I want to love you two so much I want my lips to hurt from kissing you two so much by the end of each day. I want my hands to cramp from holding both of you two’s hands so much.” You proclaimed, letting out everything that has been building up in your heart.
“I want to wake up with the warmth of two. I want to spend my days and nights with all of my love coming from two. And...I want to try each and every new thing life brings me, with the love of two.” You gasped for air, sighing out of your mouth, regulating your breath to its normal pace.
“I understand if you don- mphf!” You were promptly shut.
Kokichi had placed his lips on yours, causing a jolt of passion to ignite your soul. The feeling was delicate and new, but it was incredibly lovely  You promptly kissed back, feeling a joy you’ve never felt before in your life.
The two of you parted with the kiss when the both of you felt soft lips gently peck both of your foreheads. It was as soft as a feather, yet it made the two of you go so incredibly soft.
You and Kokichi looked up to see Nagito, a small smile on his face. One of his hands reached up to your left cheek, while the other hand made its way to Kokichi’s right. He then lovingly dragged his thumbs across both of your cheeks, smile growing wider, while his face became rosy.
“There’s...so much I want to say but...I hope my actions can at least convey how my heart wants to treat the two of you.” Nagito said, his voice dropped, but in a more of a endearing tone than anything. The boy was still smiling like this was the happiest day in his life.
“I think it would be fun if we all had a slumber party as our first date.” Kokichi giggled, nuzzling into Nagito’s long, slender fingers.
“That sounds like fun, I think it would be delightful.” Nagito playfully pinched Kokichi’s cheek lightly, causing Kokichi to giggle, smiling wide.
“But we do have one thing to take care of first...” Nagito glanced over to you, chuckling.
You were fast asleep within the palm of his hand. It made him fall in love all over again, to be honest.
Nagito and Kokichi worked to untangle themselves from your limbs, trying not to wake you. They then promptly proceeded to place you on Nagito’s back, in a comfortable position so you could keep on sleeping soundly.
“You up for taking our little Cutie back to her place?” Kokichi snickered.
“Of course, love. Only if you would accompany me? Nagito stuck out his hand, waiting for the warmth of another.
“You’re lucky I really like you, clover.” Kokichi hastily grabbed his hand, weaving their fingers together.
As they began walking out to the main exit gate, Kokichi spoke.
“You know, I said a lie earlier I didn’t like. I don’t just like you...I actually really love you. The both of you. That’s something I could never lie about.” Kokichi pledged, the evening orange sky bouncing off of his face. Nagito squeezed the shorter males hand lovingly.
“I love you too, Kokichi. And not just you also, but the both of you. My heart will be forever loyal to the two of you until I rest in my own grave, remember that.”
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cxptain-carol · 4 years
Text
𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧' | 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐢 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐨
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➺ summary: of course it had to be the cool and aloof shoto who you fell for, out of all the boys in class a. for now, you’re content admiring him from afar—but one thing leads to another and now it’s time for you to confess.
➺ pairing: todoroki shōto x reader
➺ word count: 2.7k
➺ warnings: stress/overthinking, general insecurity is mentioned, one bad word (also i briefly mention your quirk & there’s a suggestive comment)
➺ genre: fluff, pining (?)
➺ gender-neutral and racially inclusive reader
➺ a/n: this is just cute clich�� fluff that i hope can cheer ya up if needed :)  please enjoy as i abuse italics and ellipses...
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You were surprised there weren’t rose petals floating in the air and angels singing, to top off just how ethereal Shoto looked in fourth period. Well, fourth period and every day.
Present Mic was talking but his ear-piercing voice might as well have been crickets with how distant you were from the classroom. You were in a Shoto kind of mood today, and just by reassuring yourself that you were a relatively hardworking student, you let school take a backseat to your uncontrollable heart.
It hadn’t even been that long since you finally admitted to yourself that you were most definitely crushing on Todoroki but that didn’t even matter, because it was becoming increasingly more difficult to keep your thoughts clear of him. 
Shoto wasn’t even really your type. He was a bit too quiet and came off a little detached but somehow that just added to your fascination with him. He scared you at first, but now you admired him for his cool nature and genuinely impressive skills. That was really where your problems lay.
Shoto was much too cool and remarkable to like someone like you.
You usually didn’t compare yourself to others (you had a pretty nice Quirk and were good at using it) but of course you couldn’t help but realize you paled in comparison to Todoroki Shoto and it made you unbelievably insecure.
But that didn’t stop you from finding him attractive.
Your right cheek was squished against the palm of your hand, propped up by your elbow on the desk. From your optimal desk placement, it was too easy to watch Shoto out of the corner of your eye, and even turn your head to stare at him when he looked down.
It was definitely creepy, but he was yet to catch you so it was fine.
Shoto brushed his half-red-half-white hair out of his eyes and copied something down, squinting a little bit as he bent over slightly to write. You wanted to squeal but bit your lip to keep it in—he just looked so cute and it was making your heart race.
In the back of your mind, you could hear and process that you were supposed to be paying attention to the directions for something but you couldn’t seem to tear your eyes away from Shoto’s serene expression even as he looked up at the board.
Stop it, look away! You were trying to urge yourself but it didn’t seem to work.
Sure enough, Shoto’s bi-colored eyes locked onto yours in a heartbeat and you flinched, jolting out of your comfortable rest and into an upright position pointed straight at the board, trying to ignore the heat that rushed to your face.
✾  ✾  ✾  ✾  ✾
You tapped your fingers on the smooth surface of a clean notebook page, biting the end of your pen as you looked out the window. Most of the Class 1-A students had retreated to their rooms, but you and a handful of others milled around the first floor.
Your legs were tucked under you in your spot on the couch, and you swayed your head slightly to the quiet music playing in your earbuds. There was only one assignment left for you to complete but you were absolutely exhausted already; it had been a long day and you were ready to go to bed. Maybe even think about Shoto before falling asleep.
“Y/N! I was about to go up—wanna come with me?”
You swiftly ripped out your earbuds to see Ochaco, who appeared pretty much out of nowhere, with a bright smile and pink cheeks like always. You smiled involuntarily at the sight of her and nodded, but quickly remembered you weren’t actually finished.
“Oh, um, maybe later? I still have one more thing to do,” you replied, pointing to the blank notebook page. 
Ochaco looked disappointed for a split-second but went back to her usual cute grin, leaning over the back of the couch towards you.
“It’s okay! You don’t mind if I sit with you, right?” 
“Go ahead,” you said quietly, pausing your music and setting the mess of cords aside while she sat down beside you. You gripped your blue pen tightly and started writing faster, but felt Ochaco staring. You finished up a sentence and finally turned to her. She was still smiling, but in a different way. You had a sinking feeling that you knew where this was going.
“Are you gonna ask about Shoto?” You questioned her timidly, already beginning to sweat in anticipation of the upcoming conversation.
She looked into her lap shyly, her smile slightly fading.
“Well, I just noticed you looking at him today and I wanted to talk to you about it. Of course, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to!” Ochaco’s brown eyes sparkled under the lamps as she looked at you, hopefully.
“It’s fine,” you said, cheeks warm and homework forgotten. “If you really want to know, I like him.”
Not even a moment after the words left your lips, there were hurried footsteps approaching the two of you and a bright pink ball of joy was sitting on the next couch over.
“Really?! Y/N, I think he likes you, too!” Mina contained her excitement to the best of her ability.
You shook your head, barely bothered by the fact that another person knew your secret and more concerned with Mina’s unforeseen confession.
“No way! If he likes anyone, it’s probably not me,” you said, looking over at the table Shoto had been sitting at before going up to his room almost an hour ago.
“I’m telling you! I was watching him this past week and he was looking at you, like, a lot. Oh my gosh, you guys would look so cute together! I almost forgot to tell you that, by the way, thankfully I was eavesdropping,” Mina said. She and Ochaco were both smiling as they stared at you, looking convinced that there was no reason to question the validity of this new “information.”
“But there’s no… no way! I don’t really care if he doesn’t like me back, anyway,” you played around with your fingers, uselessly trying to brush off the false hope that Mina’s words had secretly given you.
“Y/N?”
You looked up at Ochaco, who wore a soft expression on her face.
“I think you should tell him how you feel, after class tomorrow. I trust Mina and after thinking about it, it looks like she could be right! I know you don’t believe us but it couldn’t hurt to go after him, right? I’ll even tell him for you, if you want.”
You had been so sure that Shoto barely noticed you that there was a large possibility that you missed some hints. Of course, the other side of you was completely unmovable. But Mina looked so happy, and Ochaco was so excited too… 
“I mean, I’ll think about it,” you said. You couldn’t help but smile as the two girls’ faces lit up.
Mina laughed a bit as she squealed excitedly. “Can I watch the whole thing? I’ll hide behind a wall or something!”
Your face felt hot again as your mind lingered on what you actually got roped into. Confessing to Shoto… alone… with no true confirmation that he even reciprocated your feelings. 
The idea of doing such a thing was so unlike you that you wanted to cry out of fear. There was a lot that could go wrong.
“Y/N, you’re gonna be fine. There’s no doubt in my mind,” Ochaco added, sensing your unease.
You nodded, half-terrified and half-excited as you started stacking your books in your arms to go upstairs. Mina hugged you, still giddy over your answer but you could only feel anxious. You hadn’t even considered confessing to Shoto and now you practically didn’t have a choice?
It seemed like you wouldn’t be sleeping a wink that night.
✾  ✾  ✾  ✾  ✾
Red and white.
Your brain was so preoccupied with imagining all the different ways Shoto could react that those two colors were practically etched on the inside of your eyelids.
Of course, the happy-ending scenarios were your favorite to imagine. You don’t stumble over your words or start sweating profusely, and Shoto says he’s been in love with you since the day you first met.
It’s a little too good to be true.
You recognized that and as a result, filled your head with the possibility of rejection and humiliation at the hands of Todoroki. Each time the clock ticks, you prepare yourself for it. You might have been optimistic in most situations, but your love life was really just uncharted territory and you couldn’t afford to think like that.
The sudden scraping of chairs against the floor and chorus of loud voices alerted you that the last class of the day had finished. 
And for someone who had just spent hours panicking, you felt oddly ready.
“Psst,” a small voice whispered and you felt a tap on your shoulder. You turned around to see Mina and Ochaco’s smiles of encouragement. You nervously sent one back before standing up from your seat.
“Go, go, go! We’ll take your stuff with us!”
You picked up your pace towards the back of the classroom as Mina’s fingers poked you in the back.
You can do it, you told yourself, slowly easing your nerves. A small smile formed on your lips but it went away almost instantly when you looked at Shoto and your insecurities began to surface.
Shit, he was just too good-looking.
You took a deep breath and walked the last few spaces until you were right beside Shoto’s desk.
Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t-
“Hi.”
Your fingers instinctively reached for the back of your neck and you scratched awkwardly, much too shy to look Shoto in the eyes.
“Hi! I was, um, wondering if you could step outside with me for a second? I… I want to tell you something,” you said. See, that wasn’t so bad.
“Oh, sure.”
Why doesn’t he emote?! Maybe he doesn’t care about me at all… 
Shoto stood up from his seat, leaving his supplies behind. He was obviously taller standing up but that didn’t make him any less intimidating. It didn’t help that his resting face was handsome, too. You tried to keep your cool but it all felt so different—you went from fantasizing day after day about him to this.
Once you two found a quiet spot further down the hall, you took another deep breath and looked up at Shoto. 
He was looking back at you, but not in a way that scared you; in fact, there was something in his gaze that made heat rush to your cheeks and brought your hand back up behind your neck again.
“Um, I know we don’t talk that much but I think you’re really cool,” you began, taking another look at Shoto to see that he had tilted his head to the side, eyeing you as if you were a curious little thing that he simply didn’t understand.
“And… and even if you might not feel the same, I-”
A flash of pink moved somewhere in your field of view.
You looked for it momentarily, causing Shoto to look away from you and in the direction of your line of sight. You tapped his arm lightly, giggling a bit as he looked back down at you, slightly puzzled.
“It’s nothing, sorry,” you said, feeling a little less nervous.
“But I was saying that I think you’re really cool a-and I might have been staring at you a lot for the past few weeks because you’re cute and-” Your eyes widened at the words leaving your mouth and you sneaked a look at Shoto, who seemed equally shocked.
“I mean, y-you are cute but that’s not why- wait, sorry… geez. I, um, like you. As more than a friend.”
Damn, you must have done something pretty remarkable in one of your lifetimes to be able to experience the beauty of Todoroki Shoto.
You bit your lip nervously as you awaited a response, but Shoto’s reaction was somehow much better than anything he could have said.
His relaxed stance tensed up in surprise at your words. You could see his hands shift around inside his pockets and you heard him intake air so cutely it cut through the wall of fear that was built around you since you first approached him. But his face was what made your heart flutter with joy. Even if it was just a light blush, you made his cheeks turn pink.
A hopeful smile stretched across your face as you admired him, waiting patiently as he thought out what to say (and you wished frantically that it turned out in your favor).
“Y/N,” you hopped cheerily at the way he said your name, “I… I didn’t know you felt that way.”
“I made sure you didn’t notice but I was also watching you. I… think that I like you, too.” Shoto ended his little confession, still pink-cheeked but looking satisfied with himself.
“Really? I mean, wow! I-I can’t believe- but, what do we do now?” You weren’t really looking for an answer; you wanted to jump for joy, maybe even scream. It was like lifting your hood to see the sunlight after weeks of having it drawn shut. You couldn’t tell whether you wanted to kiss Shoto (considering the context of the situation) or just hug him out of blissful relief.
“Well, would you like to go out with me sometime?” Shoto offered, looking down at you, amused at your delight with a hint of adoration in his eyes.
“Yes, of course!” You were done with this awkward conversation: all you wanted to do was feel Shoto’s arms around you. But you knew him well enough to understand he wouldn’t hug you right then.
Shoto wore a small grin as he watched you and after a moment’s contemplation, you beckoned him a bit closer. He obliged, bending slightly.
High off of the rush of the moment, you leaned in and pressed a little kiss to his cheek, right below his scar.
Shoto pulled back slowly, looking thoroughly shocked. You bit your lip again, hoping you hadn’t gone too far.
“W-Wow, thanks,” he managed to say, his face a few shades redder than before. He couldn’t make eye contact with you, instead choosing to stare out the window shyly.
“No problem, I’ve wanted to do that for a while now,” you replied, the smile returning to your face. “I guess I’d better get going then.”
You straightened out your blazer and took a step out of the little corner you had been occupying. With a look over your shoulder, your heart fluttered again at the sight of him, flustered and frozen.
“Well, bye Shoto.” You waved at him—he waved back, the rosy blush still prominent on his beautiful face—and turned back around, with a slight bounce in your step.
“Wait, Y/N!” 
You spun around eagerly.
“Would you like to walk with me?”
✾  ✾  ✾  ✾  ✾
“I’ll just say it: I knew you could do it, Y/N!” Ochaco was grinning from ear to ear again as the three of you lounged around in Mina’s room, still in your uniforms because you were far too excited to talk about the afternoon’s events.
“And I’ll just say it: I wasn’t watching Todoroki at all before!” Mina chimed in but the smile fell off your face in an instant.
“So I just went into that with nothing even kind of ensuring that he liked me back? Oh my god, that could have gone so wrong,” you sighed in relief, your head in your hands as you looked down at the floor.
“Well, I was just trying to give you a little confidence. I think this just proves that you can pull any guy you want, Y/N.” Mina smirked.
Heat rushed to your face. “I don’t think I’d go as far as to say that.”
Mina ignored you, opting to lean back in her chair and eye you curiously. “Okay, now we have to start talking about the future for you two—this is just the beginning. When do you think you’ll take your relationship to the next level?”
“What?! I-I didn’t realize we’d have to-”
“Y/N! Get your mind out of the gutter! She did not mean it like that!”
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tinisprout · 3 years
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No Doubt in Us
Chapter Two - She Has Amnesia *written chapter below*
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Fiance!Haknyeon x Fem!reader
Synopsis: Life is great, you have your dream job, you finally got your first big break, and you are now engaged to the love of your life. Happier than you’ve ever been, you live life one day at a time. Then one day a terrible accident happens leaving you in a coma. Where you finally awake, everything is not as you remember. Amnesia takes away 3 years of your memory, forgetting your beloved Fiance. Faced with a reality that seems unreal, as your mind is stuck in a past with uncomfortable memories, your future with him is uncertain.
Send me an ask if you want to be put on a taglist for this series.
Word count: 2.3K
Warning: none
The House you were met with was unfamiliar, thank goodness Chanhee was here to give a quick tour of the house. You came across some familiar things, but most you didn’t recognize. Chanhee helped you explain the situation to your parents and you agreed to see each other sometime next week. They both had taken a lot of time off work to see you during your stay in the hospital, so you told them to just hold off for a while, promising them that you were fine.
You were thankful for the painkillers you had, or it would have been impossible to wash by yourself, though they made you feel a little drowsy. As a precaution, Chanhee stayed in case you had an accident by yourself. Getting cleaned up felt refreshing, but you didn’t take too long or your mind would wander. You stepped out of the shower covering yourself with a towel and stood in front of the mirror. Wiping the steam-filled mirror, you brought your face closer to the mirror, examining yourself for the second time today.
Your hand lightly grazed over a scabbed-up wound on your forehead. Sliding your hand down your fingers glide across your features, it’s similar but different. Turning your head at different angles you could see your looks had matured a little. It was you no matter how you poked and pulled at your skin. Letting these smaller changes bother you wasn’t going to help you any, so you backed away from the mirror and went out of the bathroom.
You looked around your room, Chanhee showed you around but it was just a quick introduction, you didn’t get to examine everything. The room consisted of a big dresser with a mirror hung behind it, a hanger rack, a queen-sized bed next to the big window that showed almost the whole of downstairs, and a smaller window with a view of outside, in front of the window was a small desk and chair. You looked at the things strewn about the top of the dresser. There were perfumes and colognes, lotions, makeup, and birth control. You took birth control before you met Haknyeon so you weren’t shocked to see it.
Picking it up you pop one out of the packaging swallowing the pill. Damn, how long has it been since I last took one? Hopefully, my next period isn’t too bad. The main reason you started taking birth control was to regulate your period and make it lighter, you weren’t sexually active. You weren’t against it you just hadn’t found someone you felt comfortable enough to go all the way with, your desire to do it wasn’t very high either. Your thoughts drifted to Haknyeon, have we… No! Not the time for this. I can worry about that later.
After a search through the dresser, you grab your underwear putting it on. You looked at the clothes hung up, some of them you recognized, some you didn’t but they were in your taste. You opt to put on some comfy clothes, it was still too early for pajamas. Going downstairs where Chanhee waits for you, he lays on your couch messing with his phone. Chanhee sits up making room for you. Taking the free spot you lean back sighing.
“Sorry for taking up your free day.”
“I was planning to visit you later anyway, I’m just glad you're back. I’ll leave when Haknyeon comes back, He should wake up soon enough.”
“So… tell me about this Fiance.” You looked at your ring finger staring at the indent left on it. Reminded by your action, Chanhee took your ring out of his pocket and handed it to you.
“Put it in your pocket. Find someplace to keep it later.” You followed his orders, putting it in your pocket. He kept the ring for safekeeping after finding out you discarded it. When he heard what you had said to Haknyeon in full, he was shocked and felt bad for both Haknyeon and you. He thought for a bit, “Haknyeon is kind, like, really kind, and caring to others, so much so to the point that he sometimes neglects himself. He can be very emotional. He is a smiley person, always a positive thinker. Honest to a fault at times. A bit of a worrier, but generally free-spirited and carefree. He is kinda a goofball with his friends. Just like you, a hard worker, he is always pushing himself. And his appetite, he is a foodie if I ever met one, he will literally eat anything...anything.” You took some time to process all that he said, trying to imagine the man you saw acting in the ways Chanhee mentioned.
“Hmm.” Hearing your awkward reply Chanhee changed the subject. Talking about miscellaneous things as time passed, you both eventually became hungry.
“I can order something, I don’t really feel like cooking and you shouldn’t try cooking yet.”
“Okay.” Chanhee gets up, going on his phone while pacing around the room. Unbeknownst to you, Chanhee text’s back Haknyeon.
C: Yes, I'm still with her, and glad you’re ok.
H: Thanks, Hyunjae is taking me back home now.
C: I’ll leave when you get here, also tell Hyunjae I said hi
H: will do.
After he finishes texting Haknyeon he glances back at you, now laying across the couch. Then he actually starts ordering food.
In the car sat Hyunjae driving, Sunwoo in shotgun, and Eric and Haknyeon in the back. After texting Chanhee and leaving the hospital the boys talked about all sorts of things to help Haknyeon get his mind off of you, though it didn’t seem to help much considering his replies would be shorter than normal. Then Haknyeon spoke first.
“Guys, can I just cry right now.” No one answered him as they felt lumps form in their throats. Eric reached over and gently wrapped his arms around Haknyeon. Taking this as his cue he held onto Eric and wept, his whimpers filled the car. Eric rubbed his back, crying silently along with him. Sunwoo shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not sure what to do with himself. Hyunjae gripped the wheel tighter, biting his lip. His friend was crying his heart out and he couldn’t do anything to help him. It was a situation completely out of everyone’s control.
Getting back home to you gave him a mix of emotions. He wanted nothing more than to have you back home, but he never expected you to be in such a condition. When they finally arrived at his house, Haknyeon texted Chanhee one last time before getting out of the car. Hyunjae, Sunwoo, and Eric got out of the car as well. They all surrounded Haknyeon, giving him words of encouragement.
“We’ll be here for you, just talk to us whenever you need.” Sunwoo put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, he gave a small squeeze.
“Thanks, guys. Chanhee is waiting, I'll go inside now.” They all gave him a big group hug before he went, and Haknyeon felt really grateful for his friends.
Chanhee checked his phone and got up from the table after stuffing a few more bites in his mouth. “I gotta go,” he says while covering his full mouth.
“He’s here already?” You wipe your mouth, also standing up.
"Yup, I'm sure he'll come in any second now. The two of you need to talk." You weren't sure what to say, it was very sudden. Chanhee hugged you quickly, "Hey it's gonna be okay, I promise." After pulling away then came the sound of the door being unlocked. In walked the man you met when you woke up. Your eyes met each other for a moment and he looked away at the approaching Chanhee.
“Hey, Chanhee.”
“Haknyeon, I’m glad you’re okay.” Chanhee went in for a hug and Haknyeon returned it. You watched the natural gesture. They must be close, you thought. They parted and Chanhee went to the door saying goodbye to the both of you, closing the door behind him. With that, you two were alone together for the second time today.
“We should talk shouldn’t we?” You said offering an awkward smile, feeling nervous.
“Yeah.” You moved back to the couch leaving the food on the table, you would take care of it later. Haknyeon followed after you but did not sit on the couch but instead on the floor, across the coffee table that was in front of the couch. Haknyeon checks your hand, the ring still missing from it. He clenched his fists in his lap, he should have expected that, but it still broke his heart to see.
“Today I’ve been told a lot of new information about myself and I’m not sure what to think of a lot of it. It seems surreal, like a dream, but everything I see just confirms it’s real. I- I want to try and remember these things about my life,” About the things I’ve accomplished. “But I need some time to adjust to everything here,” In this house with you. “I’m going to need some space, to think about what I want,” And I don’t know if I want you. Many words were left unsaid, but you didn’t know what else you could say?
“I- I understand. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in your own home, so don’t worry, I won’t force you into anything.” Those words gave you a little comfort and you thanked him. “I will be going back to work tomorrow, so you probably won’t see me, but call me if you need anything.”
“Okay, sorry for the trouble in advance.” Haknyeon looked you in the eyes, you looked the same save for a few still healing scars, but your distant attitude towards him hurt even though he tried to prepare for it.
“I’m going to go take a shower.” He was generally a clean boy, but since your hospitalization taking care of himself was less of a priority. He would take care of himself when your mother would show concern every time your parents came to visit you. She would always be sure to cook him something and remind him to clean up saying things like, ‘When she wakes up, she’ll be so sad to see you like this, please take care of yourself.’ Thinking about her words now was like a laugh in the face, even if he looked his best it wouldn’t have mattered.
“Ah, then I’ll stay down here then.” The only shower in the house was in your shared room. Needless to say, you wouldn’t be waiting in the room for him.
As Haknyeon washed the filth from his body he thought about what he would do starting tomorrow. He didn’t need to go to work Saturday and Sunday, but he would so he could give you your desired space. He was going to do it for you, at least that’s what he told himself, it was true for the most part. Getting out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist, he walked to the big window next to the bed that exposed a view of downstairs. His eyes searched for you, finding you standing at the sliding door leading to the backyard, staring at something unknown. He turned and walked away so he could get changed. You felt eyes on you, so you turned around and looked at the window to the bedroom, but all you saw was the back of a head before it disappeared. You decided to sit back down on the couch before he came back down.
Haknyeon came back downstairs with clothes on and a towel hanging off his head. He roughly rubbed at his damp hair and sat in the same spot as before. He looked up at you the towel covering his head like a hood, he looked a little sad like that. “You can sleep in the bedroom, I can take the couch.”
“Oh, but-”
“You don’t want to sleep in the same room do you?” He was right, you didn’t, so you kept your mouth shut instead. “It’s fine, I understand. Besides, you are the recovering patient, not me.” Well technically, he also got discharged from the hospital today, but you knew what he was trying to say, you wouldn’t try to argue again.
“Okay, thank you. Um, if you’re hungry, Chanhee ordered some food, I put it away in the fridge.”
“Alright, thank you for letting me know.” Strangely enough, he wasn’t that hungry and didn’t really feel like eating. Going back upstairs to your room you look at the bed it was neatly made, you wondered if that was your doing or his. You looked out the window and your eyes looked at Haknyeon making his bed on the couch and then your eyes fell to the sill, it was dusty. Is that normal? No, surely I would clean it. How long has it been since someone has used this room? You decided to not think about it too deeply, you would clean it later. With those thoughts, you went into bed and let sleep take you.
You would never know that when Haknyeon would come home from the hospital, he couldn’t sleep peacefully. He would stay up through the night sitting in the living room thinking about you, wondering when you would wake up, waiting for visiting hours to start again. There would be points where he would fall asleep and he was haunted with nightmares of a crash he never witnessed. Sometimes you would call for help, but he could never reach you. He could only sleep better when he was with you, nightmares would still happen but they would be less often and they felt less traumatic. Thankfully tonight, for the first time in a long time, He dreamt of nothing. But it would be a short-lived peace.
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