Tumgik
#i literally watched this video like 35 times today between patients
dokifluffs · 4 years
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Milk Bread | Oikawa Tōru
Pairing: Oikawa X Reader (gender neutral)
Genre: sweet milk bread fluff
Request: “Can I request baking milk bread with Oikawa” - @tsumtsumsemi​
Author’s Note: Ofc! Thank you for requesting, love 🥰🥰 This was v cute to write and it made me crave milk bread 😋
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The two of you were own a mission and it was about time the two of you did this- it was time to make some milk bread
TooRu OiKaWa’s fAvorIte FOod iS mILk BreAD (watch this hehe if you want)
The grocery store was pretty empty since it was early in the afternoon, partially sunny, partially cloudy. Today was his rest day and there was no better way than to make one of his favorites
He was practically heart broken when he went to the convenience store to get some after practice last evening with Iwaizumi, only to find they were sold out for the night
His eyes practically glowed when you suggested to make some and his heart grew double in size when you admitted you planned to make some for awhile now as a little surprise
He wore black joggers with simple sneakers and a light green shirt with a little motif on the left side that said “aliens believe in us” with little embroidery around it
Whereas you wore one of his stolen shirts, his E.T. movie one that covered right over your bottom since it was pretty oversized on him too and shorts with slip on shoes
He pushed the cart behind, following your figure as you went between aisles, looking at the signs to find said aisles. He took pictures of you from behind whenever he thought you looked cute- so almost always- that is until you found him and you instinctively held your hand up beside your face, getting some whines from him
He also recorded you struggling to get something form the taller shelves. You weren’t too short yourself but it was just out of reach you know he sent this video to iwa and iwa called him shittykawa
After some glances from you and the name calling from iwa, he felt attacked he came over from his spot behind the cart and grabbed the ingredient you were trying to reach with ease, of course giving you a little smug smirk, just a little one
When the two of you walked side by side each other through the store, he would occasionally bump his hip into yours, having some fun
He was very excited for today since it meant time with you and milk bread
Luckily, there weren’t too many things to get so the trip was short, but you also picked up little treats that the two of you could also enjoy while making bread
The trip home was nice as the two of you walked side by side to his place, each holding a bag
He talked about recent practices and matches that was played, the antics in practices but also as well as up coming games
But conversations with him always strayed- topics always changed frequently and looking back, you never knew how the topics transitioned. It just happened
Like last time with Iwaizumi, it went from Godzilla to diapers and the three of you all talked as if it was normal, which it really was at this point
You also made sure to ask him if he was resting his knee enough as you glanced down seeing the brace folds barely showing through the pants of his joggers
But sometimes you knew he wouldn’t tell you the truth entirely. You had to ask Iwaizumi to stop him or to let you know if he was over doing it
But recently he had thankfully. You didn’t want him to worsen his knee if he wanted to bring his team to nationals
Arriving at his place, it was time to get right to work. You brought out all the ingredients, pulling up the recipe on his laptop with a random documentary on space playing on another window as he brought out all the pans and utensils you could need
He did some steps ahead of you like combine the wet ingredients while you prepared the dry ingredients in another bowl and then the two of you got together and mixed the ingredients together
So far, things were looking pretty good
Fortunately, there was literally no physical energy that either of you needed to put into making this. For the dough, he borrowed his mother’s stand mixer and it did all the labor for you two
While waiting for it to knead, you stood beside it, looking into the large metal bowl as he sat beside you, immersed in the documentary, commenting about how mind blowing our entire universe was
As nerdy or geeky as it sounded to others, you could honestly listen to him ramble on and on about space and universe or volleyball or anything really
He told you about his past relationships sort of in the beginning in the relationship and at this point after being together for so long, you figured the past s/o just didn’t match his wavelength when it came to what he was really passionate about
You pulled the dough out as it said in the directions and shaped it into a ball, setting it into another bowl
You had to stop oikawa from poking it and ruining the perfect shape as you went to get a rag to cover the bowl with
But of course when you returned, there was two finger indentations
And now it was time for the waiting game for the next 40-60 minutes
In the mean time, you meant to bring Oikawa to the living room where it was more comfortable to watch but he ended up pulling you in between his legs, holding your hands loosely sat in your lap while the two of you watched the documentary
Time passed a lot faster than the two of you realized. Oikawa was the first to notice the dough in the bowl after he peeked under the rag, surprised to see it doubled in size
This time, he wanted to do the next steps so you guided him, kneading the dough and cutting it, shaping it into two balls and letting it rise again for another fifteen minutes
He couldn’t wait to stick these into the oven. He preheated it before he returned to joining you in generously buttering a pan that the loaf would sit in
After following even more steps, the two of you set the logs of dough each of you made, he did his best to mimic your actions and laid them side by side into the buttered pan
And finally it was the third to last waiting game the two of you would have to patiently play through but no worries, this just meant more sitting in oikawa’s lap, his chest to your back, his chin on your shoulder while watching another documentary when the space one ended
He savored this feeling of having you in his arms. The way your fingers danced along his arm tickling his skin, just how close you were to him right now- it felt so nice
After about another roughly 30-40 minutes, he stuck the pan with the doughs into the oven and set a timer for 35 minutes for now but you two would check it to see if you two should wait longer or not
As the loafs baked, the rich scent of the milk bread wafted through his house
He gave you a squeeze in his grasp as he took a deep breath in, taking in the smell of the bread that was so close yet so far away
When the timer went off, he could practically taste it already and very fortunately, it was perfectly golden brown
For the last bit, all you two had to do was wait for it to cool down for about ten minutes
For Oikawa, this literally felt like the longest minutes passing in his life
He just wanted to cut into the plush bread and eat it. It smelled so good and it looked so golden to him. You could hear his head turning back and forth between his laptop and the bread on the counter beside the oven
He was so antsy and you could literally feel it, so to set him free of his waiting, you made your way over to the loaf with him, of course, close behind, peering over your shoulder
His eyes shined brighter than any Christmas lights you’ve seen when you said that you two should probably try it while it’s still pretty warm
He literally said say less
He made a little video of you cutting into the load, the steam rising from the hot bread, his mouth watering just a bit
He sent the video to iwa, who told him to give him some but of course Oikawa refused. This was special for him since it was made by the two of you
If he could, he would preserve this bread for as long as he could til the end of his life. It was one of the best things he had in his life, just like you
~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!
Note: I based the steps from this: NYT Japanese Milk Bread, so my apologies if it is inaccurate, I just followed this
Tags (let me know if you wanna be tagged for all my haikyuu posts): @yams046  @mazey-chan  @sunboikyo00  @kara-grayson04​  @fortheloveofbakugo​
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greatfay · 3 years
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since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication
Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.
But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”
Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.
There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”
That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.
I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.
Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”
A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”
A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”
I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.
Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.
At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.
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ambwimagines · 5 years
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Pocket Chocolate: Chapter 4, New Set of friends
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*FLASHBACK* (5th grade, after school)
Mark: Y/N this is my buddy justin
Y/N: Ummm ?.... Justin?
Mark: Yeah, you know I thought it would be cool if we all could hang out together and maybe be friends.
Y/N: I don’t wanna be friends with him *sassily*
Mark: Why not?
Y/N: He’s not you
Justin: Umm... I’m just gonna go home...see ya Minhyung *waves as he runs off*
Y/N: *mocks him* see ya Minhyung. What is that ? Only I can call you Minhyung.
Mark:  Everyone can call me Minhyung because its my name. You’re literally acting like a child.
Y/N: Why do you want a new friend all of a sudden, you don’t wanna be mine anymore ?
Mark: Y/N... Come on.
Y/N: Come on nothing, You don’t wanna be my friend anymore.
Mark: I never said that Y/N
Y/N: You don’t have to...
Mark: Are you mad at me?
Y/N: I should be.
Mark: I didn’t do anything, I just wanted to make us a set of friends.
Y/N: Yeah, A set of new friends...
Things were so much more simple back when you were kids. That same afternoon he invited you over to his house to watch movies and play video games. You looked up and it was 8:00 and you knew you couldn’t be out past 8, especially  on a school night. You and Mark ran back to your house and he hoisted you to your bedroom window. “So we cool ?” Mark asked as he strained himself to look up in your window. “ Definitely” you responded smiling to him. He took his hands off your window sill that supported him and shoved them back down in his pockets as he went home. Moving his hands through the thought to be empty space he found a plastic-feeling piece of something. He snatched it out of his pocket and it was the wrapper from his piece of the snickers you broke in half an shared with him earlier that day. He stared at it for a while and then looked back at your house with your once illuminated window gone black in result of you turning off your lamp. It reminded him that you would always be there for him. He could count on you and you could count on him. As sure as you would share your piece of pocket chocolate with him.
*PRESENT DAY* (NCT Dorm)
5:30 AM
The blaring noise of the alarm clock awoke everyone simultaneously. The disheveled boys arise from each of their beds. Shoving covers blankets and pillows alike from their person. The slight shifts and shuffles coming from the boys slipping on their house shoes and dragging their feet across the hardwood floor. Some go directly to the kitchen Like Johnny, to make a cup of coffee or drink some water or just get something in their system. While others form a line outside of the bathroom door. Patiently waiting to groom or relieve themselves for the first time today. In the midst of all the sleepy, groggy people up and trying their best to start their day. There was still Mark. Wide awake, he still layed in his bed. He stared at the ceiling. Not because he was angry, not because he was happy either, he was just thinking. As he was thinking the youngest walked past his room but then stopped and walked in.
Haechan: Mark, huyng ? Are you okay?
Mark: Yeah, I’m okay
Haechan: Then why are you still in bed we have to get up, we have things to do today.
 Mark: I’ll be up in a minute.
Haechan: Johnny Hyung!!
Mark: I'm up now. (Sits up and gets out of bed)
Johnny: What's going on ?.....Mark you were still in bed ?
Mark: No I-.....
Haechan: Yes. (Interupts mark)
Mark: (scowls at Haechan) I was thinking about something.
Johnny: Okay Mark, cause you know I don't wannna have to tell Manager- nim that means 40 minutes after practice for all of us.
Mark: (Hangs his head down)
Haechan: What's wrong now ?
Mark: You. You're whats wrong with me Haechan.
Haechan: Whatever mark (squeezes his cheeks together) (walks off singing Monster by Exo)
Mark: (looking up to the ceiling) why ?
While Mark prepared for his Schedule. You were in a race against the clock that teased and taunted you with It's hands seeming to move every two minutes and not every second. You scramble around the dorm looking for your books and loose papers from your notebook. Remembering some people borrowed those for notes. You would look up and it would be 8:30 you look again and it would be 8:32. You yell at the clock in frustration. Rushing to put your papers and books into your backpack. In your fuss you awake your friend Erin.
Erin: What are you going skitso about at 8:35 in the morning.
Y/N: It's 8:35 oh god I was supposed to be on the train 2 minutes ago.
Erin: Calm down you can still make time. Relax. You will make Mr. Jung’s class
Y/N: But he's back today. And every second I'm not there is a piece of information I don't get, and every piece I don't get is a missed question on my review, and every missed question on my review is a miss- ...
Erin: (slaps her in the face) you okay now ?
Y/N: Yeah I think, thanks
Erin: Good, now go catch the next train before you have a panic attack. We'll catch up.
Luckily you make the train, but you have 2 minute delay. The engineer saw sparks coming off of one of the wheels on the rear car. Once the Train reaches it's destination you shoot out the doors over to the building across the street as quickly as possible. Inside the bulding you are still running 140 mph down the hallway. And anyone in your way might as well lay down so you can trample them. Bypassing and almost knocking down tons of people you make your way closer and closer to your destination. Down the hall last door on the left. Unfortunately you run full speed into a poor unsuspecting guy. Both of you guys belongings being knocked out of each others hands.
Y/N: Oh,죄송합니다 (joesonghabnida)
Man: Oh, It’s totally fine. It’s my fault really I wasn’t paying attention
Y/N: You speak English ?
Man: You speak Korean?
Y/N: Well a little, I’m not quite fluent yet.
Man: I studied English in Luxembourg from my middle to high school career.
Y/N: Wow that’s interesting. I’m Y/N and you ?
Man: I’m Minjae, Song Minjae
Y/N: You have such a beautiful name. I love it
Minjae: Thank you, you know your name doesn’t sound so bad either.
Y/N: Oh thank you, well I have to get to class. See you around
Minjae: Wait, I’m gonna go grab a bite to eat after class. Would you like to come with me ?
Y/N: Sure after class
You get into class with at least a minute or two to spare. You take your usual seat sandwiched between two empty chairs reserved for your friends. Your friends come in seconds after you. They take their places beside you.
Valerie: Who was that hunk that you rammed in the hallway
Y/N: You saw that ?
Erin: Yes, another magnificent fumble from the tales of Spaz Master
Y/N: One more joke about my mental health and I swear (speaking through clenched teeth)
Erin: (mimics you) “Every second I’m not there is a piece of information I miss” wah wah wah
Y/N: Whatever, I won’t be going with you guys after class.
Erin: What gives ?
Y/N: I have plans.
Valerie: With the hunk-sicle you ran over before class?
Y/N: Maybe ?
Valerie: I want all the juicy dets when you get back.
Mr. Jung walks in and silence routinely befalls the class, as it should. Mr. Jung commands that kind of respect. His class is not the easiest to get in or stay in. So it pays to be very quiet and listen.
Mr Jung: Good Morning class, I trust you had a great day yesterday. Welcome back to  Business and Marketing, There are only a few weeks left in the final semester which also means the deadline of your FFB project is rapidly approaching. With that your weekly assignment won’t be too strenuous. This week we will focus on the inner workings of marketing. and just how can anything be marketed ? In light of that I ask you to conduct an interview with someone who has a specific talent. May it be writing, singing, dancing etc. How is their talent marketable, if so how did they bring it to it’s final form of being marketable. For now I would like you to turn to page 380 in your BMT books (Business and Marketing Today) and complete the previous assignment, if you have look over your grade online and if you have any questions come talk to me. Do not wait until after class because I will not be here. i will leave the exact same time you do and I will not answer any questions. 
While your friends worked diligently out of their books. You opened up your laptop you pulled out of your backpack. You go to the student portal on the universities website. You click under the grades tab and your grade is still the same. A steady 92% Soon you started to wonder. What if you don’t do the project. You get up out of your seat and walk over to Mr. Jung’s desk where he is engrossed in the newspaper. He peaks up at you from over the news paper.
Mr. Jung: May I help you Ms. (Your last name)
Y/N: Yes Mr. Jung I was wanting to talk to you about my grade is all.
Mr. Jung: Is there something wrong ?, you have an 92 % and you do the majority of my work.
Y/N: Yes I know, I was wanting to see how it would reflect on my grade if I didn't do the project.
Mr. Jung: Do you plan on not completing the project.
Y/N: Well...yes- but no-but also yes
*Bell Rings*
Mr. Jung: Ms. (Your Last name) I highly recommend you start and/or finish that project as soon as humanly possible. It is worth 25% which is a fourth of your overall grade.
Y/N: But I-...
Mr. Jung: *cuts you off * It is after class Ms. (Your Last name). Talk to me in the morning.
You walk out of class and your friends are waiting by the door for you. They take either arm and bombard you with questions about the guy you dodge rammed in the hallway.
Valerie: So Y/N !? tell us. what’s up with the guy you almost ran over in the hallway.
Y/N: His name is Minjae, Song Minjae.
Valerie: Minjae ? that has a nice ring to it.
Y/N: Yeah well I gotta go guys. I’ll see you later at the dorms
*3 HOURS LATER*
You and Minjae were sitting outside at a coffee shop near the Uni (university) sipping iced macchiatos talking over the assignment. You both came to a mutual agreement to interview each other.
Minjae: We could but that’s predictable almost expected we interview as classmates.
Y/N: Then what do you suggest ?
Minjae: I have a friend who works at SM as a talent scout and manager he has very close ties with all the groups and their staff. *pulls out phone* here’s me him and super junior, and me and him with EXO.
Y/N: Wow that’s impressive
Minjae: Sometimes it’s not what you know, but who you know.
Y/N: So you’re saying you could get me an interview with them ?
Minjae: Say the word Y/N and I have it.
Y/N: What’s the catch .
Minjae: No catch, just dinner with me.
Y/N: I should’ve seen that coming.
Minjae: Y/N you’re gorgeous. I just want to treat you how you should be treated.
Y/N: *stammering*
Minjae: *grabs you hands and looks in your eyes*
Minjae keeps you like this for a while you both just stare at each other and a slow but sure smile spreads across your face. You feel comfort in his big brown eyes. You didn’t notice Mark come in with Johnny talking and laughing until you catch him staring at the both of you out the corner of your eye. You immediately snap out of your daze with Minjae and pull yourself to usual. quickly getting your book and looking at it you decide to acknowledge Mark even though he has seen you first though.
Y/N: Oh hey Mark, come on over.
You signal towards him and he comes over there. You promptly stand up and introduce him To Minjae. Minjae stands up and shakes Mark’s hand.
Y/N: Yeah so what brings you here Mark.
Mark: You know Johnny has to have at least 3 iced Coffees a day
Y/N: *laughs* Mark you are so sill
Mark: But what about you ? what brings you here ?
Y/N: Oh me and my project partner Minjae have a project due we need some place fairly quiet.
Mark: Oh okay well have fun.
Mark thought of you and thought of life watching you be happy with someone else. It took him right back to that day in elementary. Someone else putting that smile he loved so much right on your gorgeous face and he couldn't bare it. For the second time in life he was .......
Jealous
I am far from done. I want you guys to get ready cause. I'm kinda gonna be turning these out like clockwork so if you really love this series then get ready for a marathon of chapters to read
Love
-Kayla
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iyadiad · 6 years
Note
odd numbers for the system ask meme
Alright breaks my fingers lets do this
Putting under a read more because this is fucking huge
1. is there anyone you consider the “host”? has there ever been one?
We kinda consider my subsys the “host” subsystem, with me (alto) being kind of the main host, but it flip flops between me francis and covin since we’re all in the same subsys
3. Describe the funniest thing you’ve seen happen between two alters.
There is literally....so much. Today I said Adam was like Rick Sanchez and he cant even defend himself because he doesnt know who rick sanchez is. He asked me if Rick Sanchez was cool and I told him yes and he has no idea.
5. Who is the most protective?
Probably Draven honestly, followed pretty closely by Barnes
7. Who holds the most anger? (We see you, and we love you)
Akefia for sure aside from any fragments that hold onto anger shit
9. Describe what happened when an unusual fronter had a day in the limelight.
Our memory is so shit. We as a whole dont do very much so its safe to assume they sat in front of the laptop and maybe watched videos or something. Im trying to think of unusual fronters but thats a majority of our system except for the handful of p oH NO OKAY One time Thor fronted and started crying over our pet dog for no reason he just said she was very powerful and that he would defend her with his life. Thats about the most exciting of what happens to us
11. Who is prone to backseat driving, ie. directing the fronter without fronting themselves?
Barnes probably or Cas at times depending. Also me
13. Describe the most drastic change a fictive has gone through since their first appearance.
Hmmm probably Morty. He started out pretty firmly as a straight up fictive but over time has discovered a lot more about himself, decided that transitioning fully wasnt for him and has gotten really comfortable in his identity as a he/him lesbian, as well as changed his appearance altogether a multitude of times
15. Describe some of the kids!
We have so many fucking kids dude. Hab is a chaotic little gremlin, Furby is hyperactive and clings to anything and everything he gets his little paws on, Chocolate is a sweetheart and soft spoken. TJs kind of adopted a lot of kids as his little siblings, he leads the kid brigade around a lot and they follow him like ducklings
17. Who isn’t good at keeping track of the time and tasks to do?
VERY ME
19. Peaceful, brotherly, patient. Who did I just describe?
TJ for sure
21. Dejected, passive, tired. Who did I just describe?
Francis
23. Describe another alter with three adjectives.
Im Chaotic Bastard Goblin
25. Who works together best to complete daily tasks? Is anyone good at washing up, but really bad at vacuuming?
Barnes, Draven, and Agent are all really good at cracking down on shit that needs to get done depending on what it is. Out of those three Barnes is pretty good at most things so long as it doesnt involve moldy shit, Dravens pretty good at physical labor, and Agent will do pretty much everything so long as it wants to or feels like whatever it does will benefit it in some way
27. Who, if anyone, creates memory blackouts?
A lot of us have the capacity to if we want. Francis does sometimes, and a lot of unaccessed alters like those in the Kennels or on different Layers will create memory blackouts if they end up fronting somehow
29. Are there any inseparable pairs/groups? Alternatively, what are the social groups like?
Cas and Sam tend to hang out together a lot probably from shared source. I dunno we kind of all mingle here and there depending on moods
31. Describe, if any, an inhuman alter.
A very vast majority of our system is inhuman alters
33. Describe what switching fronts feels like.
Kind of a weird blurriness for a minute or so, it also depends on who is switching in or what caused the switch. Sometimes its this weird long fuzzy headedness until someone switches in, sometimes its a hard and fast and sudden being thrown in front
35. Is anyone a bit of a “control freak”?
Daniel probably
37. Does anyone have a fascination with numbers, shapes, or using repetition to self-soothe?
A lot of us do yeah I cant name specific people atm but theres a lot of us that do
39. What’s something you’ve managed to create as a team?
We built a kind of Hotel for active sysmates who arent confined to Kennels or gardens or other Layers of the system. So basically our “active” system hangs aorund the Hotel. Its pretty cool, its got a small river and forest patch and I think a good group of people are trying to grow fruits and vegetables for the hell of it. Outside of system............Not a lot we are fucking lazy babey
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JOURNALING V
content warning:
weight loss/talking about weight
medical/surgical discussions
it has been awhile since i updated anyone casually interested in this part of my life, hasn’t it. 
well, part of that is b/c i’ve been busy. holidays and everything, also i’ve started a work out routine, but i’ll get into that in a moment. also i didn’t have any doctor appointments for like, literally 3 weeks straight, which was nice. much better than speed running it like i had been.
today is 11.11.19, (make a wish if you believe in that sort of thing) and i’ve decided i no longer want surgery.
let me back up here.
so, let me re-read my last post just to remember what i need to fill in... ah yes, the fun i had w/ the x-ray. that feels like it happened months and months ago.
well, since then , i’ve been trying to get my life a lot more organized. i’ve started a (bullet) journal (mostly b/c i love watching the aesthetic set-up videos on youtube) and in it have been tracking my progress by the numbers. for the first few weeks of trying to lose weight, i was weighing myself every other day, sometimes more than that. i became obsessive and felt like the numbers weren’t enough. i wasn’t losing enough and one weekend i had gained back like 1.7 lbs or something. but seeing any increase in the numbers upset me. even though when we are talking about 1 or 2 pounds in someone that’s got over 300 of them, it isn’t the same as if someone is more like a buck fifty. 
being able to put it down somewhere physical and then keep a log so i can see the numbers adding up or going down in a catalog has been very helpful for my mental health. having just the numbers on a paper has allowed me to watch my weight go from 349 in the beginning of october to where it currently is (or was as of 11.6 i only weigh myself every other wednesday. why wednesday and why every other week, i don’t know. it just seemed like more than once a month but less than every week. a good distance between not enough and too much) which is 329 lbs. 
when put to paper, 20 pounds in a month is, i think, great. i know everyone says “oh the first 10-12 pounds comes off so easily!” but not from where i’m standing. i have been working for those 20 pounds. 
speaking of working, let’s dig into that piece of proverbial pie i teased earlier. 
i have a work-out routine. which is the first time i’ve said that in,,, probably ever. i know while in school i technically had one in p.e. class but let’s be honest. i did not give it my all and would take any opportunity to skip if i could. now it is just me, alone w/ my dark synthwave music and the pedometer built into pokemon go.
yeah, i could download a real work-out app that would track this stuff for me, but my phone’s memory is full to bursting and listen, i need to walk my buddy and eggs. i’ve got friends on pokemon go that need gifts and it is already built-in w/ this new adventure sync, so might as well use what i have.
so, i work out every monday, wednesday and friday night. i usually leave the house a little before 9pm and try to be back a little after 10pm. just about an hour. in that hour i walk down my street (which is pretty long imo), around the corner to the pokestop at the park, around the park, back down my street and return home. in the beginning i just walked around my street, or just to the stop (which is 0.7km from my front door) but as i’ve built up stamina, i’ve been able to walk all the way around the park. actually my goal for november, is to start walking around the park twice a night, at least once a week. 
on average it is about 3,400 steps(or roughly 3.5 kms) and an hour of activity, 3 nights a week. i doesn’t seem like a lot but:
1. it is an hour of cardio every other day that i was not doing before, and 2. additional movement that adds up
i walked a combined 40,881 steps in october 2019 while working out. that is on top of whatever else i did while shopping or playing w/ the kids or what have you. 
and i plan to add more. i found a great video on youtube that is all about basic, beginner yoga for curvy people. the instructor talks about doing yoga to your size and abilities and not letting anyone tell you that you can’t do yoga b/c you’re fat. i don’t buy into the idea that yoga can directly help you loose large amounts of weight, but what it will do is help build up muscle in my legs and relieve tension in my back, which will then allow me to walk longer and w/ less pain. after forty minutes or so of fast walking, my knee starts to scream and my back burns. hopefully by adding in this yoga that concentrates on thighs, calves and back, where most big people have issues, it will help me target issue areas, deal w/ them in a low-impact way, then save energy and build up stamina to push myself in other ways.
i also want to eventually start adding weight training into my work-out routine.  gods, it still sounds so bougee to say i have a ‘work out routine’, but there you have it. 
i’ve also begun to overhaul my eating habits. for breakfast, 6 days a week, i have a protein shake. water and soy milk mixed w/ a plant-based protein powder and an additive of instant coffee. sugar free, dairy free. and awful. i hate them. i’ve tried a few different ones and they are all fucking awful, but i drink them anyway. 
i also usually eat a salad or soup for lunch. i’ve been finding a lot of really great salad combinations on top of rediscovering my love of salads. when i first went vegetarian, i was big into salads but eventually, it became easier to buy those premade, frozen veggie-friendly meals. like all that Amys’ food or the MorningStar brand (which still conjures ideas of satan-worshipping vegans, but hey, i can dig it). i’m trying to find pre-paired salad meals. i found this really good asian inspired salad that had friend wonton strips and a wonderful sesame seed sauce. so good. each bag can make 3 lunches for me, so it is great to stretch them out. also did you know that most cans of soup are technically 2 servings? i didn’t.
that was probably my biggest problem w/ food that i’ve addressed: what constitutes an actual serving size? 
before last month, i assumed a serving size was what looked right. like in the case of the soup, i assumed if it all fit in a soup bowl, it was 1 serving. 1 can of soup can fit in 1 soup bowl so it would make sense, right? nope. 1 serving of canned soup is actually about half the can or roughly 1 cup of liquid. which doesn’t seem like a lot. 
so i’ve stuck to salads. 2 and a half cups of salad is like, i don’t know, 35 cal. so, i can go hog wild, prepare a giant ramen bowl full of salad w/ carrots, onions, a sprinkle of slivered almonds, a splash of lite raspberry vinaigrette, and some sliced, uncured ham and that is lunch, baby!
dinner is pretty untouched, other than i eat on children’s plates now. i heard somewhere from some dietian on a show or something that eat on smaller plates, like children’s plates, helps trick your mind that you are eating more than you actually are. your eyes see a plate full up w/ food rather than eating a little food on a large plate, it is the same amount of “little food” but looks more filling on a little plate. i don’t know if it is true, but i feel like it helps me portion food out better. if a helping of potatoes can’t fit in the little sectioned off children’s plates, it is probably too much potatoes. rip
dessert has been downsized, if i have it at all. 3 thin oreos rather than like, a bowl of cereal. a 1/4 of soy ice cream rather than however much i can pile into a small bowl. 
so that is the update: breakfast is a protein shake lunch is soup or salad dinner is served on a child’s plate dessert is 3 thin oreos. 
maybe this week i will start keeping a calorie count, just to get an idea of what my average is compared to the 2,000 cal/day suggestion.
ok, so that was already a lot, but i did mention that i had suddenly taken a large left turn when it came to the surgery. my last journal update was all about how i was excited to blind, no walkthrough, speedrun this so i could get cleared for the surgery on like january 1, 2020. well, ha ha, nevermind. 
this latest class i went to was enlightening. i mean they all have been so far, for different reasons and in different ways. the first class was about what kind of choices we had. did we want to take mediation? did we want to go to food addicts anonymous? did we want surgery? so this new class i went to on 11.7, was a follow-up to the surgical path.
i was already on the fence about disfiguring my insides. the idea of slicing off 2/3 my stomach rearranging my intestines already sounds horrifyingly frankenstineian to me. it sounds like something midevil doctors would come up w/ while snorting morphine or something. but, i was assured that it was the best option, that it was incredibly safe, it was done all the time, it had great success, etc. 
i allowed myself to be talked into it. i relented and bought into the dream they were spinning for me. 
not after this class. the amount of insanity that is involved, even beyond, again, the whole cutting off and throwing away 2/3 of your stomach, there is some buck wild rules you have to abide after the surgery. i wrote them down (which i was the only one that did. in a class of 9-10 people, i was the only person taking notes and the only person horrified by what i was hearing):
- lose hair first 3-9 months (me, a person w/ thin hair: oh yikes) - will need to take as many as 12 vitamins a day (me, a person that hates taking any medication) - will not be able to take any medication other than liquid/pills will pass thru tiny stomach too fast to be effective (me, a person that hates liquid medication w/ a passion), only tylenol allowed; all medication from doctors must be liquid or chewable - 70% of patients need a follow-up surgery (WHAT) - no smoking (that’s fine) no alcohol (hang on....) after surgery. ever - ideal meals after surgery: 60-100g protein, 40-80g produce, no carbs, no sugar (wait...) - eat a meal every 4 hr.s or so (that seems like overkill) - no carbonated drinks, no drinks w/ sugar/cal (but i love my fizzy drinks :c this is bullshit) - chew each bite 20-30 times, every meal should last a half hour (that’s normal for me anyway, i’m a slow eater but idk how i’m supposed to chew soup 20-30 times) - 30 min.s of activity/day (got that covered, chief) - go to support groups (no thanks, don’t wanna listen to other ppl complain and the idea of being open to other ppl,,, in real life, where they can see me? absolutely not, how dare you) - 64oz of liquid/day (is that not normal? i already drink that much, if not more) - only able to drink a shotglass amount of liquid at a time or risk vomiting (WAIT) - drink every 15 min.s, possibly even during the night (HANG ON) - no drinks w/ meals, stop drinking about 30 min.s before meal and don’t resume until 30 min.s after meal otherwise it will wash food away too quickly to be absorbed by tiny stomach (HOLD THE HECKIN’ PHONE)
at w/ that, the instructor ended the class b/c there were no questions. i was in shock. all i wanted to do was be like those tik tok kids that recreate meme images but i wanted to become the living embodiment of this gif:
Tumblr media
literally, i looked over at my mom, who was sipping on a soda and scrolling through facebook for most of the class and went “nevermind, i don’t want surgery”.
i think she thought i was joking. she laughed and waved it off, but the... the existential dread i felt in that moment. this,,,, this was what old howard was shooting for when he wrote about all that cosmic horror. this feeling that i was the only one seeing the insanity in that classroom.... i was the only one that realized that it was madness. how would a person drink 64oz od liquid a day, broken down into 1oz at a time, but not w/n an hour of eating and also having to eat every four hours. that means you’d have to somehow shove 64oz, broken down to 4oz an hour, for 3 hours, then not drink anything for an hour, over only 16 hours. you couldn’t drink anything for 4 of those hours while you eat your tiny baby meals for your tiny baby stomach. i’m not great at math but it doesn’t seem physically possible to me and yet everyone in the class were just nodding their heads like “yes, of course old chap. perfectly reasonable.”
i’d rather continue to starve myself, and work-out. theoretically, if i continue to lose about 20 pounds a month, i will lose my goal weight by may 2020. sure it would be faster w/ surgery. it might be technically easier w/ surgery but everything in my mind tells me that the surgery is wrong. that it isn’t sustainable. i don’t want this surgery and i certainly don’t want the second stage of this surgery 10 yr.s down the road. if you think cutting 2/3 of your stomach out is upsetting, the image of the second step surgery in which they take that rough banana shape of a stomach and stretch it out into what is effectively, A STRAW. 
A STRAW.
and once more: A STRAW!!
i could get behind having a banana-shaped stomach, but a straw in which the food literally just,,, falls through you is grotesque. 
gonna be a big, fatty NOPE from me, chief. hard pass. 
0 notes
1-100
…are you joking
no one on this earth wants to know that much about me 
you asked for it:
-
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?
The intention is always more cereal than milk, and yet… it always ends up being the opposite. 
-
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?
…as an Australian, NO
-
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?
Heh, what DON’t I use? 
Receipts, assignments, old documents, letters, other books, string, anything i can lean it against and hold it open with, etc.
even the odd obliging cat’s paw for a few minutes
-
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?
~I drink neither, I am boring like that~
-
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?
Yeah, I’m aware of how fucking ridiculous I look when I smile, and my non-perfect teeth.
-
6: do you keep plants?
not currently, but I used to have sunflowers and such
7: do you name your plants?
not usually, which is odd bc i name literally everything else
-
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?
~writing~
words are easy
have tried painting and drawing but i’m just so shithouse at it
-
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?
Y~E~S
all the time
-
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?
All, depends on the day really.
-
11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?
Well, a few years back for some reason some irl friends and I would randomly start singing the Narwhals Narwhals song, or reply ‘the dirt is gone!’ after anyone said ‘Bam!’
but recently? online? uhhhhhhh… well, i send shitty mouse-drawn-in-Paint pics to the ever-patient camiluna27 and she finds polite things to say about them… which is our little joke
-
12: what’s your favorite planet?
Like my favourite Sailor Scout, it’s Jupiter.
-
13: what’s something that made you smile today?
Our foster puppy is coming today
-
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?
it wouldn’t matter what it looked like, we’d make it work even if our only furniture was a minifridge and a beanbag… sharing the chores, watching stupid shit at night, complaining or joking with each other, etc.
-
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!
It takes 230 million years for our solar system to make a single orbit around the Milky Way.
-
16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?
Tuna Mornay (? never been sure how it’s spelled tbh)
-
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?
BLUE
-
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.
my brain is blanking, and yet last night i know i was recalling something really stupid…
-
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?
Nah, i just shitpost my angst or delight onto this site… 
-
20: what’s your favourite eye color?
I have no preference for eye colour.
-
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.
Oh, I got this shoulder bag thing from The Harry Potter Experience when it came to Australia… it’s half-covered in an ever-changing bunch of badges (keep losing and finding them/getting new ones). it’s been left in the sun, saturated, pelted with hail as i ran for cover, etc. 
-
22: are you a morning person?
I never used to be… but since the antidepressants, i’m finding mornings way easier.
-
23: what’s your favourite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?
mess about on the computer, usually
video games or writing something, or chatting with people i can no longer see physically/it would be super expensive to meet irl
-
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?
yeah, a few
-
25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?
???? who in the hell is breaking into enough places to have a top ten list?
-
26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?
Heh, I just have a handful of cheap-ass shoes I got from Big W a few years ago and I get cheap insert things to keep them alive. I randomly put on any pair i can find, whether they match the outfit or not… what other choice do you have with big lady feet and soft skin?
-
27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?
Fruity
-
28: sunrise or sunset?
Sunset. 
Sunrise means I’ve been awake too long and have Fucked Up ™
-
29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?
not to bring her up consistently, but camiluna27 literally drew fanart of one of my fanfics (the first ever??? holy shit) and I was so goddamn flattered I almost couldn’t believe it… someone liked my trash and DREW SOMETHING?
such talent. much love. so excite. wow.
-
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?
Pfft, yeah, probably. 
-
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.
Socks are good.
I am making a sock right now, in viking fashion, it looks ridiculous.
Sleep? In winter, sometimes.
MISMATCHED SOCKS WERE A GODDAMN FASHION STATEMENT AT SCHOOL HELL YEAH
-
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.
Well there were two funny things.
the first one was this massive sleepover party, and the minute the lights went off with all these adolescents sardined on the floor (teens but like, everyone was just chilling nothing nsfw happening), the marshmallow war began
it’s 3am and people are being PELTED with the goddamn things in the dark it was chaos.
the other time, i’d gone to a party thing, put up a tent to stay over like the others and this other girl at the party i’d just befriended (along with her highly anxious friend i managed to calm down) was not sure how to get home and i’m like… stay in my tent i have space it’s chill
we’re sleeping in jeans bc that seemed like a good idea at the time (it was NOT)
everyone’s STARVING. like, no real FOOD was at this party (New Years party?) we had chips and softdrink and that was it… and i dunno if you know this, but no amount of like, chicken-flavoured chips will fill up the aching hollow in your stomach for Real Food
so we’re talking bc we’re awake, relative strangers who are starving together in a tent they’re intending to share the night in, and we get on to SUPERNATURAL
i loved the show still it wasn’t the disaster it became, yet… and she admits that the S1 episode with the Wendigo freaked her out… and i’m like, hah, yeah, glad we’re not in a tent with woods around, huh? bc i am an asshole… that was pretty much where we were
and around the same time, the free-roaming chickens on the property are slowly moving past and making satanic noises, freaking her out more so i changed the topic to calm things down… but then, later on (waaaaaaaaay too early in the morning bc some of us had to pee early and it was Effort™ ) i get back to the tent to find a Chicken. In. The Tent.
looking at me like *I* was being the asshole here for intruding on her rest.
the other chick-a-dee is sleeping and im thinking ‘well fuck she’ll freak if the chicken’s randomly there when she wakes… and i try to subtly get the chicken out, and if you know chickens… you can understand how i failed
it was hilarious, and disastrous. 
-
33: what’s your fave pastry?
don’t know, really
-
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?
Oh! I still have them.
There’s two, one called (creatively) Teddy, who wore a yellow onesie the Parental Unit made for him. My fondest memory of him was this time in kindy where we took our teddies in bc it was ‘Teddy Bear Picnic Day’, and during naptime, the teachers took the teddies and hid them around the playground…
We had to find them when we woke up.
Teddy had one foot in the top of the fence and looked like he was trying to leave/escape… i told the Parental Unit this story a thousand times over the years, the poor bugger.
The other one was made for me, after Parental Unit had a dream i’d be a girl. Her name is Heidi (you know, after the song? ‘Heidi, Heidi, Heidi ho, the elephant walks oh so slow’), she’s a pink elephant in a tutu and lovely and she and ted are hella safe for now.
-
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?
I do like them, and when i get a special pen i use it for EVERYTHING, then flounder to find a basic pen when it runs dry
-
36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?
I don’t know, i’m not really feeling anything.
What’s that song that’s just 3 minutes of silence?
-
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?
>.> Messy
When it’s clean, it’s Clean ™
But when it’s messy… >.>
-
38: tell us about your pet peeves!
*unfurls list*
people who stand in the way and block entire corridors to chat with someone and there’s a public bench RIGHT THERE
capitalism
i can’t remember any others right now but i know there’s LOTS… 
-
39: what colour do you wear the most?
Most of my outfits have black in them. We can pretend it’s slimming.
-
40: think of a piece of jewellery you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?
I have a dragon ring, my estranged godmother bought it for me from this massive local market we once went to, back in like 2007/2008? 
I love it so much for some reason (not so much th godmother tbh, she’s a pain) and it’s mass-produced, but i love it… wear it almost everywhere
-
41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?
Out of the Black Land by Kerry Greenwood
-
42: do you have a favourite coffee shop? describe it!
~nope~
-
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?
Well, I looked up at them on the way inside the other night and pointed them out to the Parental Unit. They’re pretty stunning here, without city lights to obscure them.
-
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?
??????????????????? that’s a thing?
-
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?
Perpetually, always. 
-
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.
I can’t, you’ll punish me.
-
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?
that mayonnaise-peas pizza thing i just saw, WHY
-
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?
I feared the wild animals in the dark when i was locked outside, and also feared Huntsman Spiders.
Today? the spiders and anything in the dark can square the fuck up, and fight my fear of disappointing everyone/failing
-
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?
used to, but the CD player in the car broke… so now i just use the ipod/itunes
-
50: what’s an odd thing you collect?
…monster high dolls, hardy boys books, comic books
-
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?
uhhhhhhhhhhhhh mind blank
-
52: what are your favourite memes of the year so far?
Cask of Amontillado and Joe Biden memes have been awesome
-
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?
Rocky Horror? Good, interesting.
heathers? pulp fiction? no
beetlejuice? seemed a lot more exciting when i was little
-
54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?
our puppy
she’s learned the exact sad face to make when she wants someone to go outside and play ball
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55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?
can’t think of anything overtly, honestly
unless you count ‘yeah i can use a swivel chair instead of a ladder’ and the inevitable falling through a bookcase
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56: what are some things you find endearing in people?
Honesty, Humour, Excitement and Communication/Connection, Creativity
When they energise, not drain
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57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?
it has always been interesting, and it makes you feel dramatic… 
i can neither confirm nor deny…
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58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?
no idea
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59: what’s your favourite myth?
define myth
like ‘mermaids are a thing’, or ‘that time a god did _____’ or like, ‘swimming right after eating can give you stomach cramps’?
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60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?
used to
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61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?
uhhhhhhhh literally any fanfic i give as a gift, is stupid
i got two little plastic dicks as a joke gift from someone as a secret santa thing (another time i got a $2 piece of trash bag thing the size of my hand that broke the second i touched it, and i was rather upset)
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62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?
no, but my fave juice is apple blackcurrant or tropical
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63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?
well, depends, i try to keep the series together and stuff, but mostly it’s ‘if it fits, it sits’ in the bookshelf
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64: what colour is the sky where you are right now?
obscenely blue, like, you’d think it was computer generated blue
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65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?
Yeah
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66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?
…something with blue flowers, but let’s be real, the chance to wear a flower crown would be amazing even if they were all corpse flowers
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67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?
they are otherworldy and beautiful, they have a different energy to sunny days 
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68: what’s winter like where you live?
Cold. Stubbornly wearing shorts and tank tops claiming you’re not cold. putting four layers on the bed bc what. the. FUCK.
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69: what are your favourite board games?
Cluedo, Monopoly
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70: have you ever used a ouija board?
Nah, that seems like a terrible idea. I refuse to be That White Girl™ who invites demons in…
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71: what’s your favourite kind of tea?
Mortali-tea
Nah, none, i don’t drink tea or coffee, i am BORING. 
I am the Beige of people, beverage-wise.
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72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?
Sometimes. Esp. recently, I find noting it down helps, but usually I remember more than i assume i will.
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73: what are some of your worst habits?
Lazy/procrastinate, eats stupid shit I SHOULD NOT BC I AM FAT AS FUCK, overthinks, boring.
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74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.
amazingly talented, fun, incredibly aesthetically pleasing, open, understanding, brilliant and a pleasure to interact with.
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75: tell us about your pets!
Okay, so we have four cats and a doggo.
The two oldest cats are sisters, aged 11; very loving but also tiny murder machines so they’re inside mostly.
Two youngest half-siblings, aged 7; one is the perpetual kitten who loves affection, the other is a slinky boi who comes to you if he wants love, and not before (adores my sibling tho, their bond is strong).
Doggo is the baby, she’s 3 i think? Always energetic.
+ a foster puppy we just got today, just now, and she’s fuckin’ adorable but like, a massive ball of energy.
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76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?
cleaning
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77: pink or yellow lemonade?
PINK hell yeah
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78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?
HATE
i will fight ALL of them to the DEATH
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79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?
Listened to me complaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain
Also drew me art for no reason i mean, c’mon that’s so cute
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80: what colour are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?
Light blue, yep. loved it, and also it went with the underwater theme the family did
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81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.
Amazing as orbs go.
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82: are/were you good in school?
generally, shit at chemistry though (but then, if an entire class fails an exam, you don’t ask the students whose fault it is)
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83: what’s some of your favorite album art?
uhhhh not sure
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84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?
maybe dunno
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85: do you read comics? what are your faves?
my dude, so many.
Batman, Nightwing, Wonder Woman, Teen Titans, The Titans, ElfQuest, Avengers, New Avengers, Saga, Hawkeye, uhhhhhhhhh, like, i have HEAPS...
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86: do you like concept albums? which ones?
i have no idea what that is
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87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?
St Trinians, love that movie...
AVATAR
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88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?
...good question, i have no idea what you’re asking
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89: are you close to your parents?
The Parental Unit literally knows every facet of my being bc i can discuss anything with them. Even if we clash on ideologies or whatevs.
The Other One’s a violent stalker, so no, not that one.
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90: talk about your one of you favourite cities.
I have been to like, Brisbane and Sydney... not a huge pool of cities to compare from. Uh, I like that there are so many comic book shops in brisbane tbh...
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91: where do you plan on travelling this year?
Probs Brisbane.
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92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?
Depends on the type of pasta, really.
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93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?
Plaits. Keeps it out of the way.
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94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?
Sibling. I went all out with their gifts and am barely making it to monday... but it was worth it.
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95: what are your plans for this weekend?
>get foster puppy
>chill/be boring bc you are the human equivalent of the colour beige
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96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?
Procrastinate, mostly. ‘Restart required’ lol nope, you can wait...
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97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?
ENTP, Gemini, Gryffindor
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98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?
oh god no. Grade 9 they had this youth action program... sent us orienteering in the bush... up a mountain, down a moutain, through the fucking lantana six times because the boys in the class have the map and can’t fucking read it right but ‘girls can’t read maps so why would we give it to you’...
it was a goddamn disaster, but we survived. hated it, so much
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99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.
Sia’s ‘The Greatest’, ‘Move Your Body’ and ‘Unstoppable’
‘This is Gospel’,  ‘Emperor’s New Clothes’, ‘Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time’, and ‘Golden Days’ by Panic! at the Disco
‘Never Coming Back to Earth’ by Steve Aoki & Fall Out Boy
Most of the songs by Lindsey Stirling
‘Heroes’ by Generdyn
‘I Hope You Die In A Fire’
‘Wait For It’ and ‘History Has Its Eyes On You’ from HAMILTON
‘Assassin, Murder, Monster’ and ‘Chase the Morning’ from REPO! the Genetic Opera
‘The Beauty Underneath’ from Love Never Dies
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100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?
I’d slam both at once and launch myself into a temporal paradox so i simultaneously never existed and also always existed therefore becoming a GOD...
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Long term injury recovery guide
Injuries aren’t much of a big deal most of the time: you fall down or bump into something, it hurts for a little bit and before you know it you feel better. A typical “bad” injury lasts 2-3 weeks, 4-6 if it’s serious and 8-12 if you’re really unlucky. Sometimes, if you’re really, really unlucky, you’ll do something that keeps you immobile for far longer than expected. If you have this kind of bad karma like me, you’ll suffer from something that seemed minor at first but then be injured for more than a year (almost two in fact). Unlike professional athletes, most people don’t have a support team completely dedicated to helping them recover - with constant doctor’s check-ups, scans and physio appointments. There’s no nutrition plan to keep you healthy and crucially, there’s no mental support. Whether you’re sporty or not, long term injuries can be a real hindrance to your everyday life. That state of almost never-ending helplessness can swallow you whole and turn you into an incredibly jaundiced person. Know that there is an end to this feeling and eventually you will recover from your injury. It probably took a long time to get to the fitness level you were and it’s going to take a long time to get better. More importantly you don’t want this kind of thing to happen again. It’s not your fault you are impatient and demanding, you are just a product of today's society - being able to have anything you want in seconds, if not, 3-5 business days. UK medicine/treatment is very formulaic and sometimes your personal numbers don’t fit into its very general equation. You will get better, you just need to look at the problem from a “what works for me” vantage point. Hopefully my 6 points will help keep you positive on the very long road of recovery. They’re also applicable to typical injuries as well. Guide to long term injury: 1. Don’t B**** 2. Rest, Ice, Heat and repeat 3. Be careful about physio 4. Buy equipment to help recovery 5. Don’t jump right back into things 6. Stay mentally healthy 1. Don’t B****. No one cares (really)- Try not to bring it up with everyone you know/meet. There’s a bittersweetness to injuries, especially the big ones. For the first couple of days it’s paradise because family and friends are at your beck and call, doing all the heavy lifting - laundry, food, the lot! The power you have over your subjects is rivaled only by North Korea’s supreme leader Kim Jong-un. You will be constantly asked about your cast/bandage and you can turn it into an epic origins story, where it's a wonder you’re still alive, or just play it nonchalantly. What you have to remember is, this won't last. When talking about your injury, get to the point, what hurts and why. You’ll find that even you hate yourself for repeating the story over and over again. Even your doctor/physio is only interested in a little over the bare minimum. They have plenty more patients to see so try not to waste their time. Keep to the facts so it doesn’t sound like you’re trying to get through to the judges’ houses round on The X-factor with your over embellished sob story. When talking to your medical professional you only add more detail so they can organise the best prognosis for you- how long you've been hurt for and what currently exacerbates the pain is usually enough. Your friends and family are far less likely to want to listen to you drone on after the first couple of days and the favours/errands will stop if you get caught underplaying your capabilities - it’s been the staple midseason sitcom episode for a long time. So everyone doesn’t turn on you, try your best to be independent. Vent to the internet - writing articles like this - or find relatable Youtube videos or Reddit threads to watch/read.If you can move a little by yourself, get everything you need for the day as soon as you get up - water, medicine, snacks, hot water bottle etc. Chose you resting place and make it your rehabilitation fort. Rota your support (literally write one down for everyone to see or keep a mental one for yourself) so you avoid the eye rolls and huge sighs. Positivity breeds positivity, by showing you’re somewhat willing or capable to carry on like nothing has happened, people will be more willing to help you when they see this. They may even want your injury’s origins story again. 2. Rest, Ice, Heat and repeat Here I’m just repeating what everyone else has told you already but it should be your dogma, your religion until you feel 100% again. Keep the injured area elevated and treat with ice and heat accordingly. These processes regulate circulation to the injured area and speed up the natural healing process - a physiology hack if you will. Neoprene or tubular bandages may or may not help but they look pretty badass. The take home message is rest and keep resting for as long as you can. When you become more functional but still feel niggles, you still have to prioritise full recovery. This becomes a lot more difficult when people can't see a physical indicator of your injury but you have to remember - they’re not in pain, you are. You don’t have to go to that social event. You don't have to do that thing your boss/ parents/ friends told you to (try not to get fired please, just find a way around what they want, or get help). You’re going to have up days and down days on the road to recovery and sometimes your body just isn't going to be with it, so listen to it, please. No doubt it’s boring af just staying at home “resting” but try to exercise your brain with a new language or something else intellectual. Start listening to podcasts, order a new game or get into all that TV everyone is talking about. Group chats about what happened after a night out are usually juicier than the event themselves. Live vicariously through them. Sub point- Eat healthy! It’s very easy to balloon because of the lack of physical activity. Try and change the way you eat, with smaller portions at big meals and making your snacks fruits and vegetables. Popcorn is a good “in between good and bad food” to have if you can’t stomach all the greens. So you don’t have to move preparing your own meals, get your family or whoever you live with to make extra portions of their food. If they don’t eat as… consciously as you, again, you could just have smaller portions of what they prepare. Choosing the healthier options though gives you a nutrient boost, certain to speed up recovery. Spinach, for example, enriches your blood with folate and more than ten other useful nutrients that can help your recovery. Having nutrient rich blood will help detoxify your body (making you less whiny as well) and relieve inflammation. Doing this will help you move onto physiotherapy. 3. Be careful with physio: The Physical Therapy Tightrope It is imperative that you see someone about even the smallest of niggle because there could be larger underlying problems that are nowhere near the initial pain. If it ends up being nothing then you can put your mind to rest and just carry out step 2. Sometimes however, you feel like you would be just bothering the medical professionals or you can’t find the time to go and see one so you just get on with the physio because you “know what you’re doing”. If you and your body feel competent enough, you can undergo some light stretches and range of motion exercises. There is ample help online for even the most unique of injury. I found it useful to write down or read/repeat aloud the instructions and why I had to do them. This way, nothing went over my head and I comprehensively understood every stretch or exercise. If you’re very sporty and it’s a long term injury, your new set of exercises always feel like they aren't very effective and you lose interest quickly, especially if you’re doing the exercises on your own (and you don’t have the help of that professional recovery team). For me, writing down why you’re doing the exercises and reading it aloud also reminded me of the end goal. Doing this will keep you going when it all seems pointless and they might as well cut off what's hurting. Keeping a calendar to track the process is also a helpful option. Writing down variations of the exercise/stretch is helpful too. You will probably need to increase/decrease the intensity of the physio from time to time because how your body feels will change day to day. When you're injured, pushing that little harder is never worth it. You’ll just end up at square one again and no one is gonna pass you the remote anymore. 4. Buy equipment to help recovery - Some toys to play with Recovery equipment is becoming a lot more financially viable for everyone to own and add to their physio routine. It’s not quite reached the level of a cryogenic machine in your home but what is available is very useful. Hopefully you’ve seen a physio, and they’ve given you that big rubber band that helps you ease into your exercises. On top of that, a basic DIY recovery set, in my opinion, should have: a massage stick (£5-£35), a foam roller (£12-£200), lacrosse balls (£3-£20), floss bands or support sleeves/bandages (£5-£30). With one, or all of these tools you can regulate circulation and relax tight muscles - myofascial release (love that phrase). Alternatively you can just use items around your house: a tennis ball (slightly softer than a lacrosse ball), a rolling pin (much less forgiving than a massage stick) and a towel (if your physio never gave you the giant rubber band). If you had to buy just one tool, a foam roller is the best value for money. Nothing around your home can do the same thing and it works all parts of your body. In an ideal world you would have a physiotherapist, sports masseuse and acupuncture specialist come to your house everyday to relax your muscles and joints. I feel like if that were the case, you wouldn’t be reading this. The closest thing you can equate to that kind of physical therapy service is a long foam-rolling session, several times a week. If you can afford a vibrating roller, get one! Again, you can write down how and why you use the equipment and what the end goal of using the equipment is too. When you first start rolling out, work on muscle groups around the injury as rolling directly onto the injury could increase inflammation and muscle tension, the exact opposite of what you want (I found out the hard way). There’s going to be pain but it should be manageable (kind of like the buildup of lactic acid you miss so dearly). Warming up the sore muscles and their surrounding areas with a heat pack or hot water bottle before you start can improve your results also. 5. Don’t jump right back into things Even when you're confident you're ready to get back into things, or the doctor has given you the all clear, have a week or two of transition i.e. strength and conditioning exercises. Do exercises that work on where the injury was and its surrounding areas. I’m not your doctor so you don’t have to listen to me but I have had a long list of past injuries and have a degree biomedical science so I feel this is important. One of the best ways to avoid recurring pain or injuries is to “max out” your physio plan. Add or double the bands you use and add weights to your regime. Not only will this help stop a relapse but you’ll also find other muscles and joints don’t get hurt as they try and recalibrate. Best example, when a sports team’s star player is back from an injury but the manager won’t start them for the next pivotal game. The manager has the player’s overall health in mind and knows a little more rest will be beneficial in the long run. If you continue strength and conditioning when you're healthy, you’ll find subtle things in your performance will improve. It would be a good idea to invest in some “speed bands” and add strength and conditioning into your general workout plans to prevent injuries too. 6. Stay mentally healthy. The most important The most important and hardest to do. No other way about it, long term injuries suck, especially when you were meant to be better a long time ago. You have no one to sue because you injured yourself, your sympathy card was revoked a long time ago and you’ve put on some serious weight because you’ve been “resting” forever. Every time you try to do any sort of physio or recovery exercise it just hurts more and you’ve spent a lot of time and money seeing medical professionals with little to no improvement (and you’re broke). Remember there’s always time to get back into things. We are constantly moving in today’s world, so appreciate the slowdown in time when you physically can’t do anything. Acknowledge what you do have and think about those who don’t have what you do. Thinking so existentially isn’t needed but it really helps. From a more selfish point of view, find some informative Youtube videos, listen to the music you used to work out to or watch that thing that gets you pumped - that induced endorphin and adrenaline boost is pretty cool and you can keep telling yourself you’re going to get better. Other things that helped me were acupuncture and yoga and writing all my plans down - including putting on ice packs, heat packs and rolling. This helped me stick to a personal formula but you can essentially pick and choose from anything on the list. They are all supplements to keeping you mentally strong. Good luck.
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