#i write fanfiction in public and no one can know that so i change details and i always use these names for them

[fire-fira]

IDK if you've been keeping up with the Trujillo Blue Beetle run, but they put Jaime with some random Horizon girl named Oo'li and it really feels like some half-assed attempt to prevent him from ever falling in love with Khaji, I don't know, maybe I'm running on some insane troll logic here, but the writers really put Jaime with a girl who's connected in some way to the Reach, when Khaji Da is RIGHT THERE! Do not ignore please, I really wanna hear your opinion on this.

While I will agree that the relationship with Oo'li feels shoe-horned (and that detail honestly isn't helped by the breakneck narrative pacing, which may be reflective of a time crunch those involved with this most recent run might be dealing with), I think it's important to step back and take stock of some things.

The vast majority of comic writers-- and presumed comic readers-- aren't likely to even consider Jaime/Khaji Da as a ship because they're sharing a body. For better or worse, there are a looooooot of people out there (both in fandom and outside of it) who can't or haven't wrapped their minds around the concept of a ship where one character is the host body to the other; if they've put any thought into that kind of ship at all, they may have difficulty conceptualizing how a romantic/queerplatonic/committed relationship of that type can even work when the characters involved technically can't do things like hold hands, kiss, or sit across from each other while having a candlelit dinner. (Yes I realize that example may be a little cliche in this instance, but I think it's the best way to convey one of the big stumbling blocks for some writers when it comes to this kind of ship.)

It's fandom where these concepts have really been hashed out and played with, so of course as fans we're going to see the obvious potential and the ways it could work, but writers for officially published works generally should not read fanfiction-- especially of anything they're actively working on-- because doing otherwise invites the possibility that someone might feel their own work is being stolen and repurposed by a company to make money, which can lead to a lawsuit. Ergo, if they're not already familiar with the concept of how such a ship could work (or they haven't come to that concept on their own), then the chances of them even thinking to do so in their writing for DC is slim.

And for as much as Eddie Brock/Venom has put forward the idea of a host/symbiont ship more broadly in the public imagination, that reach is still limited by who would be interested in seeing those movies, and if those people were or are able/willing to recognize the host/symbiont ship as even being a possibility. And even if they did, Khaji Da is a dramatically different character than Venom in temperament and personality; we also have no guarantee that anyone looking at the movie/various-tv-series Khaji Da has been in will think to consider Khaji Da as a fully realized character instead of an AI-that-is-maybe-'sub-human'-in-personhood-but-more-advanced-than-anything-we-have-and-so-should-be-respected-as-'kind of'-an-individual (and the siri-voice in the movie probably won't have helped change that perspective). The point is, with that dramatic character difference, it might not even occur to any of them that Jaime/Khaji Da as a ship would be believable or that the characters could even have the potential motivation to share that mutual interest.

We also have no clue if Trujillo or anyone else currently working on Blue Beetle have seen any of the Venom movies to even plant the idea of a host/symbiont ship in their heads. We literally have no idea if they're even aware of the concept. And even if they are, they're in the business of trying to sell comics. I don't know the ins-and-outs of the comic industry by any means, but I think it's fair to assume that introducing a host/symbiont ship in canon might be a risky venture-- even without the breakneck narrative pacing they currently have going.

I'll be honest, with the current pacing trends I don't think they'd be able to do justice to the Jaime/Khaji Da ship in building it up into something that would make sense and have readers-- who weren't already-- get invested. Host/symbiont ships are a hard sell, so there HAS to be a believable buildup, but when the pacing's shooting by like the reader got fired out of a cannon and has to rapid-fire take notes about what they pass within seconds so they can only record the broad strokes and nothing in between, then all of that buildup crumbles into nothing. (Case in point with relationship buildup crumbling into nothing: the whole thing with Oo'li.) Physicality can kind of override some of that in a narrative, but that requires the characters to have separate bodies so they can externally interact and separate from time to time-- and Jaime and Khaji Da, by the very nature of what Khaji Da is, don't have access to that narrative override.

In terms of them trying to sell comics with the lack of decent pacing and time that DC is pushing, it's probably financially safer for them to not put the effort in to try for that kind of narrative buildup; it would take time they don't have to do it justice, and trying to force it anyway might lose them buyers due to said buyers getting put off by poorly done stories.

Yeah, as a fan to whom the possibility seems obvious and who is heavily invested in these characters, it's frustrating. I get that, and I don't blame you. But on the flip-side, DC has made plenty of wtf decisions of late (don't even get me started on the absolutely ridiculous number of Batman or Batman-adjacent books they're currently putting out right now, to the point where Bat-everything is drowning out damn near everything else), and with the lousy pacing and quick turnaround on comics they currently have going I'm honestly glad that they're not currently tackling a Jaime/Khaji Da narrative. I don't want to see what they would do to it at this time, I don't trust them to do it justice.

And speaking as someone with at least one fave DC character who has shown up in all of 94 issues total, sometimes you're honestly much better off looking to fandom and fanfiction for what you want to see. At least then you know you have a solid chance of seeing it done really well rather than getting hit with frustration or disappointment over not seeing it at all.

#Blue Beetle #Blue Beetle III #Jaime Reyes #Khaji Da #DC #DC comics #comics #ScarabLove #fandom #fanfiction #my life

[precious-little-scoundrel]

What got you into writing/how long have you been writing?

What’s your writing inspiration?

Do you write in silence or need background sounds? Like music?

Do you struggle more with dialogue or detail?

Any tips for someone who wants to write fanfiction?

How do you differ all your OC’s so you don’t rewrite the same characters over and over?

Do you do research?

— from someone who would love to write their own stories lol but yours are great!

My darling. So many apologies for how tardy I’ve been in replying to this, I really wanted to give it due thought because I’m quite touched you’d even ask.

1: I’ve been writing since I was little, my mama was always reading me classics and my greatest ambition was to be some kind of author every bit as colorful as their characters, a la Oscar Wilde. 🥳

2. Writing inspiration? Oh that’s a hard one only in that I could cite a million things and chat your poor ear off, but to be boring and also frank -I just love stories. I think they’re so inspiring and healing and necessary for making sense of things, or else resigning to things that can’t be explained. I love to study love and how very human and fallible and also indestructible it is in its many forms. I love to dig through tragedy and find the refining purpose of it, I love to take characters through hells I’ve been through so that I can imagine their triumphs, too, and my own through them. If this can happen to -name your hero- then I’m no smaller for it happening to me, if -name your hero- can get through it and be loved and admired by a whole fandom? -I deserve the same commendation from myself at the very least. Stories are essential and fun and I never ever imagined I’d have a little group one day liking my own where we could all scream about these things together. I’m legit so humbled each time I log on here and find y’all ready and waiting and interactive. The community of it, that’s the biggest drive right now, tbh. What a sweet season.

3. I usually write in silence, or else at any chance where I have a moment, so that could be public transport or lunch breaks or in the loo during family holidays, ha. However I do find music to be an inspiring mood setter for writing later that day. Especially as i juggle many ongoing projects at once, the genre im listening to before may very well influence what gets worked on.

4. Detail!! Dialogue can be challenging but I hear it so clearly in my head most of the time that it’s not hard. Details can devastate me.

5. Ooof, I still feel like I’m a baby at it, this is only my second fandom to dare for. I’d say for sure write what you find inspiring instead of what appears to be wanted, i firmly believe that’s the only sure way to keep up any inspiration and the niche will draw its own crowd, one’s who will like it all the better for its specially crafted world. Also, for dialogue -replay and replay dialogue from the character before you write. Are they terse or do they ramble? Are they sarcastic or earnest? Do they have a word they repeat often? -I noticed the other day how Rosenthal uses “you know?” often in the show. Also, sometimes switch up sentence structure from character to character, it helps feel like hopping brains without a fully jarring POV change. All these are things I’m currently working at myself, but that’s the best I’ve got for advice.

6. Oh boy I’m still figuring this out myself. Three things come to mind as little helps I use- first off, read real biographies, it helps tremendously with crafting fully dimensional fictional people. Two -have a maturing arc for your OC during the story, separate from whatever adventure or romance that occurs, this will make it feel less like a inserted person into the broader story. Three, choose a personality type or something similar to both keep them separate from the next but also to ensure their virtues have corresponding vices.

7. I do research a lot. But I find that it’s a fine line for myself of when that drains all creativity or bravery. Im massively indebted to so many mutuals who generously share their own with me.

#best of wishes to you Nonnie! dare bravely!! #writing woes #about the author 💋

[miracleonice87]

a/n + disclaimer: first of all, she's BACK and she finished a fic! second, nobody show this to Barzy, okay? we don’t need his ego inflating as I compare him and his level of fame to that of Justin Bieber lolol. anyways, after listening to Hailey’s recent interview, I just thought this would be a fun one to write – something different! this is an interview from the perspective of the reader, who is married to Barzy.

please note: a few select parts of this were transcribed directly from Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy interview with Hailey Bieber from September 28, so I want to give that credit – those portions are in bold. all in all, this should not be read or regarded as the actual interview! I’m also not claiming it as my own – this is fanfiction based on a public interview. photos were pulled from public Instagram (specifically Mat’s and Hailey’s) and Pinterest accounts. also, be nice to people. like damn. if this interview taught anybody anything, I hope it’s that.

warnings: based on an episode of the Call Her Daddy podcast which I know a lot of people hate (I am certainly not a fan nor a regular listener but wanted to hear Hailey's perspective on this), swearing, alcohol, mention of depression / anxiety / dark thoughts – don’t read if any of these trigger you

word count: ~5,500

_____

“Think I’m just gonna take a drive, you know? If that’s okay,” Mathew said tentatively. “Listen to it on my own.” 

You nodded, your breaths shallow, and wondered if he could sense your unease. Then, as he grabbed his keys and set his gaze on you from across the room, you knew beyond a doubt that he could. Of course he could – he’d been your reflection, the balance on the other side of the scale of your life, for more than seven years now. 

Mathew came closer to where you sat on the sleek sofa and caged you in with one arm leaning against the back and the other resting on the arm of the couch. He studied you for a moment before speaking. 

“You gonna be okay here without me? I can stay if you w-“ 

You shook your head quickly, pulling the cuffs of your crewneck down to cover your trembling fingers. 

“I’ll be okay, Maty,” you interrupted, your voice soft but sure. “Promise. You do what you need to do.”

He nodded slowly, raised his hand to tenderly stroke his thumb along your jawline, and kissed you softly. 

“I love you,” he said, as quiet as he’d ever been, yet still at his most firm and convincing. “Nothing in the world is ever going to change that. Nothing. Just… just know that, okay?”

You nodded and brushed back the soft curls that had fallen onto his forehead.

“I know that,” you assured him. “I’ll see you when you get back.” 

— 

You couldn’t immediately open the YouTube app on your TV after Mathew left. It took you five minutes of pacing to simply press the button to power on the screen. After another five minutes of procrastinating by tidying up around the kitchen, you forced yourself to return to the couch and pull up the app. 

You had finally faced your fears last week and had sat down with an acquaintance, Zoe Rodriguez, to comment at last on a topic that you had never before discussed publicly – your personal life. 

But this was far more poignant than just a casual chat with a random friend. Zoe just so happened to be the host of one of the most popular, most-watched, most-listened-to pop culture podcasts in the world. The hour-long conversation took place at Zoe’s studio and consisted of details about your upbringing, your professional projects, and – the reason that probably something like 99% of listeners tuned in – your relationship with Mathew. 

And now, after agonizing over its release for days on end, it was time to face the music. Or, in this case, to face the video version of the podcast episode. Which was also being featured as a long-form article with exclusive photos on Zoe’s blog. (So 2022.) 

You closed your eyes for a moment and prayed silently, primarily, that Mathew wouldn’t be hurt by either the interview or any backlash from it, and secondly, that it might, indeed, deliver some semblance of the peace and freedom you had envisioned when you had agreed to the whole thing in the first place. Next, you curled into the arm of the couch, your toes tucked between the velvety cushions, the long stem of your glass of red wine secured between your two middle fingers. You took a generous gulp of your favorite merlot, set your lips in a firm line, and breathed in deeply. Then, you reached for the remote again, and this time, finally pressed play. Zoe’s familiar voice filled the air, and photos of you, of Mathew, and of the two of you together –  which you had also seen upon briefly scrolling through the corresponding blog post earlier today – flashed onscreen as she introduced the podcast. 

Zoe [playfully]: “Mrs. Barzal, thank you for meeting me today to do this.”

You [smiling]: “Of course. Thank you for having me!” 

Z: “I wanted to tell you, I know you always do the black, rounded nails with no sparkle, and so to channel my inner you, I did the same thing for this interview. You inspired me.”

Y [clapping]: “Ah, I love it! When people tell me I inspire them to do anything when it comes to like fashion, beauty, anything really, I always say that’s the biggest compliment, so thank you so much.”

Z: “So, let’s get into it. You are married to one of the most famous athletes in North America, and by far one of the most famous figures in the NHL, Mathew Barzal.”

Y: “Yes, I am.”

Z: “What are your favorite things about Mathew?” 

Y: “Oh, god, I could go on for so long and this could get really cringey and embarrassing, so I’ll try to keep this short and sweet [giggling]. I think the biggest thing I always tell people is that he’s literally my best friend in the entire world. Like, there is absolutely no one else I would rather spend my time with, even if we’re just snuggling on the couch doing absolutely nothing. And we’ve truly grown up together. We were friends for a long time before anything else, and like… [wistfully] I just love him… He understands me more than anybody ever has in my whole life, and I think that goes both ways. He’s just my guy. He’s the most amazing person with the sweetest soul, which probably not a lot of people know. He’s super romantic and thoughtful. And he’ll probably tease me to no end for saying this but he’s always had this quiet confidence which I find really, really sexy [wiggles eyebrows].”

Z: “I mean yeah, not to make moves on your man, but I would definitely have to agree with that! And I also love how the two of you are honestly just very down to earth for who you both are and the worlds that you come from.” 

Y “Thank you! I appreciate you saying that because, yeah, that is not always the perception of us. And it sounds obnoxious to even try and defend, to be like, ‘no, wait, I swear we seriously are normal and boring!’ But it’s true. Like we love just eating super greasy New York pizza and drinking beers in our living room doing puzzles and watching trash TV. That’s just who we are and that’ll never change.”

Z: “Okay, well now you have to divulge what trash TV you’re watching.”

Y: “Shit, he’s gonna be so pissed at me for blowing up his spot like this [laughing]. But I’m gonna do it anyway. We both love watching Love Island. That’s probably our number one most watched trash show together. Like we wait with bated breath for each episode! So lame. And we also love Real Housewives. That one’s harder to keep up with because there are so many of them now, but we always send each other the memes and stuff on Instagram [throws head back in laughter]. My favorite is Beverly Hills; he likes New York. So dumb but it’s just fun.”

Z: “No, I love it! We all need our mindless TV shows to binge. Now, were you into hockey before you met Mathew? Did you follow it?”

Y: “Honestly, no. I grew up in a family where the NFL was like our religion. My dad did watch the occasional Rangers game – which Mathew loves when I say, as you can imagine – especially on weeknights when we were just chilling after dinner. But no, I was not a big hockey gal. Didn’t know much about it, couldn’t name more than like, ten players in the league probably until Mat and I got together. Things will still happen, like penalties or plays where I’m like having our friends explain to me why that’s not allowed [chuckling]. Which, again, has been yet another misconception, with people thinking I was some kind of puck bunny, skate chaser, going after him because he’s an athlete, which was simply not the case. So yeah, another incorrect perception there. But I know we’ll get deeper into that later.” [smirking]

Z: “Yeah, speaking of which… Now, I have to change the subject-” 

Y: “Oh, god, here we go [readjusts in the chair].” 

Z: “No, no, I know how you feel about this. I know you don’t like talking about it, but we’re just gonna rip the bandaid off, okay? You can do it.”

Y: “Okay [deep breath]. Go. I’m ready.” 

Z: “So, since the very beginning of your relationship, you, in particular, have had a rough go of it from so-called ‘fans.’”

Y: “Mhm.”

Z: “Could you speak on that?” 

Y: “Yeah, it was not a fun thing to deal with as an eighteen-, nineteen-year-old, I will say that. Of course it’s not fun now either, but I have learned how to cope. But in the beginning it was just so intense, and I had no idea where it was coming from, or why. I remember first seeing shit on social media, which we all know is just a toxic vortex for the most part, and just being like, ‘wait, what? What did I do? Why don’t they like me?’ As a teenager, most people want other people to like them, and when that’s not the case, they obsess over it. It can really weigh on you, and you just wonder what you can do, or maybe even shouldn’t have done, so that people like you more. And that is certainly what was happening those first few years. Like all the ‘bunny blogs’ as people call them, and even some like legit media members were so horrible and nasty about us-”

Z: “About you, specifically. You can say it.”

Y: “Well, yeah. That’s true. Mathew got some of it too, though. And again, we’ve known each other for so long, and we were just kids in the beginning. Like, literally kids! And there was definitely some, like, cocky, asshole, entitled behavior going on on both of our parts which came across negatively to people. For him, he was just a little immature when he first came into the league, just like anybody in that position, and he was maybe acting out a bit because he was so young, with all this brand new money, and you couldn’t really tell him anything for a while. But he comes from a wonderful family and he is very grounded at the end of the day, so he quickly grew up and moved on from that. And for me, it was just being on my own in New York City, with a little distance from my family finally, trying to chart my own course and create my own name, and that certainly contributed to this ‘I’ll do whatever I want with whomever I want’ attitude for me which also came across poorly and didn’t necessarily speak to who I really was. But again, we were both just still growing up. We still are! So yeah, I think that contributed to some of that toxicity and negative energy about our relationship early on.”

Z: “And I also personally feel like, with Mathew being who he is – I mean, let’s face it, he was a heartthrob, and still is – and especially playing in a major market, there was probably at least a portion of his fanbase that felt some sense of entitlement, especially maybe among young women, when it came to him and who he dated.”

Y: “Yeah, I definitely think that’s the case. And I think from day one, there were people who supported us, but there were also a ton of people who were angry that he picked me. Like, ‘why do you get to be with him? Why do you get to marry him?’ And I’m like, ‘I don’t know! We fell in love.’ There was times where I can confidently say, like, I don’t think we knew it was gonna be each other. Several times. So like, I can’t say that at 18 years old, I knew 100% that that was my husband. I didn’t know. I didn’t fucking know.”

Z: “No matter who he ended up with though, fans were never going to just be like, ‘oh, yeah, she seems cool! Go Mat!’”

Y: “Yeah, that’s true. Whether it was me, or some sweet, random girl who grew up two towns away from him in BC, or the most perfect celebrity or athlete in the world. No one, in the fans’ minds, would have ever been good enough, no. For whatever reason, the universe determined that we were going to find each other.”

Z: “Right. Like you didn’t ask for this. The two of you just happened to be living in the same city, you met each other, you fell for each other and, boom, little did you know you’d wind up together.” 

Y: “Yes, exactly.” 

Z: “And how has being married to Mathew, with him being who he is, like we’ve already discussed, affected you?”

Y: “[wincing] Yikes. That’s a tough one. Again, I don’t like to focus on the negative, as you can probably tell, because there are so many wonderful things about being with him, being married to him.  Like, I get to spend my life with the absolute best person I know, and I fucking love that. And we get a lot of amazing opportunities and exciting things that come our way because of who he is, who we are, where we live. But it is not always a walk in the park like people think. I have had some really dark days where I wondered if it would be better if I had never met him, or if I was never even here, which pains me to say now because that is no longer the way I feel at all. I’ve been open with him and with my inner circle about those dark, heavy feelings, and thank god, they just embraced me during that time with completely open arms and never shamed or guilted me for the way I was feeling. They encouraged me to just take a step back and not become so wrapped up in it that I couldn’t see my life for what it truly is. And lots, and lots of therapy – it works wonders, people! And don’t get me wrong, there are still times where I do wonder what it would be like if we both just worked normal jobs. Like if I ended up becoming a veterinarian like I always dreamed about and he was like, a salesman or a carpenter or something. I do think about that, what it would be like to not be under such scrutiny for things we say, things we do, places we go, or even just being us. Or what it would be like for people to just not care about us, you know? [chuckles] I sometimes think that that would be really nice. But I also always say, I never wonder what it would be like to be with somebody else. Like I know that he’s it for me, without a doubt. And I get it – we’re in the public eye, and people want to know what’s going on with us. It’s just something that I’ve had to learn to deal with, and to just decide how much of myself and my relationship that I do want to share.”

Z: “Speaking of which, could you tell me a little bit about how social media has impacted you? Maybe both as an individual and your relationship?”

Y: “Yeah, the thing I always say to my family and close friends is that it feels very foreign and bizarre for everyone and their brother to feel as though they have a say in my relationship. First of all, because they don’t. Let’s just make that very clear. Mathew and I do not take the public’s opinion of us into consideration at all when we think or talk about our relationship and what steps to take next, or what decisions to make moving forward. And it’s also weird because… why do people get so invested in a relationship which isn’t even theirs? That’s what has always been so strange to me. Just because we cherry-pick moments of our lives that we choose to share on social media or through the media, whether that’s magazines or interviews or whatever, doesn’t mean that people actually know us. Again, I understand people recognize us as public figures, but why do they go out of their way to go on social media and let us, and the entire world, know what they think of us? Like, to be quite frank, I don’t care that people were pissed when we got together at 18 and broke up at 20 and got back together at 21 and then almost immediately got engaged and married. Did I ever envision that happening? No, I absolutely didn’t. Can I understand that people were shocked or surprised? Yes, totally. I definitely get that. But why were you angry? That has always thrown both of us for a loop. Because who were the only two peoples’ lives who were actually impacted by that decision? His, and mine. That’s a choice we made together, without anyone else’s influence, and it’s one that we are super proud of. Because it might have seemed crazy to the outside world, but it felt right to us at the time, and it still does to this day. So, as much as is humanly possible, we’ve just refused to let other peoples’ negativity impact the way we view ourselves or one another or go about our relationship, as hard as people might try.”

Z: “And to that point, at the start of this relationship, people were even questioning your motives for wanting to be with Mathew. People were saying that you were only with him for the fame, or the money, or that you sought him out, sought this life out, purposefully, with these questionable motives at the front of your mind. Can you speak to that specific perception of the relationship and how that felt to you?”

Y: “You know, the funny thing about that one to me is, I came from a well-known family, and every single one of my family members will tell you that since I was a little girl I would say, ‘when I grow up, my husband is gonna be a nurse or a professor and I’m gonna be a stay-at-home mom, and we’re gonna live in the middle of nowhere and have a bunch of kids!’ Like, I never wanted this life. I never wanted people to know who I was or where I lived or anything about me, really. I was always jealous of my friends who did have that. So when I heard that narrative about Mathew and me, of course it wasn’t fun, because like I said, as an eighteen-year-old, you do care a lot about what people think of you and how you’re perceived. But eventually I was just able to laugh it off knowing that anybody who really, truly knows me, knows that that is so far from being the case. And it took plenty of therapy sessions and discussions with Mathew, but I realized that no one will ever know the way that this relationship came to be, because it was behind closed doors. And that’s okay. I actually came to love that fact. Because as much as people think they know, they really don’t. Again, the only people who know how it happened and what our intentions were are Mathew, me, and those closest to us who we’ve trusted with that information. And no one is ever going to be able to take that away from me, or from us – not that, nor anything else in my life. So now I realize that that’s a beautiful thing.” 

Z: “Tell me about how things have changed for you in these past couple of years since you’ve put in the work, and explain why you say things have gotten better for you.”

Y: “Yeah, I definitely think things have improved over the last couple of years, and part of that probably does have to do with the fact that I’ve spent a lot of time working on my healing and my inner peace. But overall, for the most part, people are nicer. As you know, there were several years there where I just didn’t share anything with anyone. Even my friends from high school or, like, my sister’s friends or parents’ friends would be like, ‘is she okay? I haven’t seen her post anything in forever. She, like, fell off the face of the earth.’ And that was a product of that scrutiny and that pressure being so intense for a while. I thought, well, if I don’t share anything, and if Mat doesn’t share anything about me, then they can’t hurt me. I didn’t want Mathew to post me on any social media outlet, at all. Not for my birthday, not for our anniversary, nothing. And whatever I did post was very guarded, very cryptic, and many times I would just take it down, like, hours later after overthinking it. And eventually I did realize that that was actually really hurting him in ways I couldn’t even comprehend at that time, until we both just opened up and got brutally honest about the way we were both feeling and how the other’s behaviors were hurting each other. And that was like a wake-up call. Like, ‘hey, this is not all about you, and this is something your partner wants to do to make you feel loved, so snap out of it.’ It took me a long time and a lot of work to get over it and let him show me off because he’s proud of me. And you know what? I’m damn proud of him too, and now I let people know it. I’m ashamed to say I used to be scared to post when he, like, hit a milestone or made the national roster or something. And now I’m like his professional hype woman, and when people have nasty things to say about it, we just tune out the noise, because at the end of the day, none of that matters. The only thing that does is how we feel about one another. And now I feel like I can be vulnerable and be my truest, most authentic self with my audience. And in 99 cases out of 100, they have been so incredible to me, and to Mat, too. Like, I have people who love the beauty line who have never watched a hockey game in their life before finding me, now they’re posting Mat on their story and tweeting to him like, ‘yes, king, you’re going to the playoffs, we’re so proud of you!’ And I just think that’s the sweetest thing ever. And I felt like actually taking the step to, even though at times it was really uncomfortable for me, being like, ‘I’m proud of who I am, and this is my personality.’ And like, this is gonna sound probably so corny, but to me, I’ve always felt like I was just a girl from fucking New York… [covers face] Oh my god, this is gonna sound so cringe! I grew up, to me, I felt like, very normal… I’m from a small town called Nyack which is outside New York. And I woke up every day and I was homeschooled and I did ballet! [giggling] And I feel like I’ve remained that same person. And of course life has changed drastically, but at the core, I feel like I’m proud of who I am. I know I’ve always been the same person, and I feel very rooted and very grounded. And I grew up very grounded and rooted. And of course I came from a famous family, that’s the reality of my life. Can’t change that either. And I just feel like people didn’t really know me or know my story or know the kind of person I was. People don’t know what kind of friend I am. People don’t know what kind of daughter I am. People don’t know what kind of sister I am. But I know.”

Z: “Speaking about your family, your friends: as we wrap up, tell me, who are the people in your circle who you lean on? Who do you trust no matter what? Who is there for you, other than Mat, when you’re having a bad day, having a tough time?”

Y: “First and foremost, my parents. I feel super fortunate that the two of them are truly some of my very best friends. They still live in the home I grew up in outside the city, so when I’m feeling overwhelmed in the city or even on the Island or I just need to get away, that’s where I go. It’s like my sanctuary. My mom and I love to cook and bake together, and my dad and I love taking the dogs for long walks in the woods by our house, and when it’s nice we go fishing. See, there’s another thing people probably don’t know about me! I can fish even with these claws. [chuckling as she holds up her fingers to display her signature black acrylic tips] And Mathew and I each have one sister. They’re both out on the West Coast so we don’t get to see them as often as we’d like, but we both talk to them pretty much every day. And when I need to vent or cry to somebody, my first call is to one of them. And I feel really lucky to still be best friends with a couple of girls from my hometown who I’ve literally known for like twenty years now. I won’t call them out here, but they’re on my socials from time to time. They’re my rock. And finally, some of the veteran wives on the team have become my very best friends, including Sydney [Esiason, daughter of New York Jets great Boomer, wife of Islanders enforcer Matthew] Martin, Kristy Cizikas [wife of Casey], Meg Bailey [wife of Josh], and even more. I’m really close with that group in particular because, one, Mathew is really close with all their spouses on the team and two, because for better or worse, they and I have gone through very similar things, so they’ve helped me through a lot. I know I can lean on them for support and come to them with anything because we’re all in the same boat, you know? Plus they all have the sweetest babies, so getting to go over to their houses and play with them and cuddle with them always lowers the blood pressure!” 

Z: “If you could say something to the public, which this is obviously giving you the opportunity to do, what would you say?” 

Y: “To all of my supporters, I think I’d just say thank you. Thank you to those of you who have always supported me and been lovely to me. Thank you for giving me a continued platform and a voice which allows me to, hopefully, do things that matter, things that can make a difference. And I’d also say, to those people who have not always been so nice or those who do not like me, first I’d say, that’s okay. I don’t need you to like me, truthfully [snickers]. Like, that’s okay and that’s your prerogative. Second, I’d say… I’m not going anywhere. [laughing hysterically] Just kidding… kind of! But in reality, I’d just say, don’t forget that there is a real person on the other side of that screen you’re staring at while you make these mean comments. A real person with emotions and problems and shit going on in their life that you have no idea about. I would just encourage people to keep that in mind next time they go to make a comment or post a nasty video. And overall, just be kind to each other. We don’t have enough kindness in this world, and it can be a really cold place to be. So be a light and just try to make the world around you a better place, even if it’s just your little corner of it. You’ll be happier – I promise.”  

— 

As Zoe wrapped up the interview onscreen, you held your breath, hand pressed to your chest, waiting for the anxiety, the dread

But you didn’t feel anxiety, though. No, not in this moment. You weren’t nervous or scared or wishing you could take it all back, like you fully anticipated you would feel.

Instead, you felt pride. And that feeling alone was enough to make you smile. 

Then, you did another thing that would have terrified you two years ago, especially after a public appearance: you opened your Twitter mentions and began to scroll. 

Of course, there was still the occasional troll who popped their ugly head in to spew hate throughout your mentions. But overwhelmingly, almost exclusively… it was love. And, even more importantly, respect.

nobody should receive hate for who they love. we love you, @/yourusername!

wow, I honestly had no clue @/yourusername went through all of this. what a strong person, but she shouldn’t have had to endure that. kudos, gf!

y’all just jealous you ain’t who barzy chose, and it’s time to get over it. shoutout @/yourusername for baring her heart!

I’m glad @/yourusername said things are better now, but damn.. people suck. keep being you, bestie!

we should all be so lucky to have @/yourusername grace us with her being.. @/barzal97 especially you, homeboy. we <;3 you guys!

The feeling of a smile spreading across your face while using social media felt foreign, but you embraced it – another reminder that things were, in fact, different now, better now. 

You stood up, stretched your arms to the ceiling, and let the smile grow on your lips and the gratitude bloom in your heart before you took your empty glass to the sink. You peered at the clock and wondered when Mathew might return and how he might be feeling at this very moment. 

By way of distraction from obsessing over his arrival, you sat at the kitchen counter on your laptop, attempting to begin sifting through the barrage of emails that had filtered in within just the last several hours since the interview went live. Just as you were wrapping up a response to your agent about one of the many requests for additional comment (never going to happen, you thought to yourself as you shook your head), you heard the familiar sound of the lock on the front door clicking open.

This is it. 

You steeled yourself, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath from your belly, and you waited. Against all your rationale, you waited for him to be upset, or offended, or angry, or, far worse than all of the above, disappointed. You could crawl out of your skin at the idea of disappointing him. 

His footsteps came nearer, and you couldn’t bear to turn around and face him, not yet. But he didn’t need you to. He wrapped his arms around your waist from behind, his chin settling on your shoulder. As you relaxed into his touch, you rested your hands against his forearm.

Neither of you made a move for a beat, and suddenly you heard soft sniffling in your ear. Concern washing over you, you reached back to sink your nails into his hair. He tucked his face into your neck, and it was only then that you felt a warm wetness on your skin. Your heart beat faster, panic coursing through your veins. 

“Bubs… are you okay?” you whispered.

You wriggled loose in his grasp just enough to turn on the barstool and meet his eyes. He immediately cupped your face in his long fingers, a newfound admiration in his teary gaze. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m just so fucking proud of you,” he finally choked out. “To open up and be vulnerable the way you did… that takes so much strength and so much courage. I just, I admire you and I respect you so much, baby. I love you, you know that?” 

His eyebrows were knit together, desperate to make you understand how much he meant every single word. You knew he did — you felt it deep within your soul, could see it in his warm chestnut eyes. You pressed your hand against his and nodded. 

“I do know. And I love you so much.” 

— 

later that night…

#my writing #hbb interview fic #mathew barzal #mat barzal #mathew barzal fanfiction #mathew barzal fanfic #mathew barzal fic #mathew barzal writing #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal fanfic #mat barzal fic #mat barzal writing #m.barzal

[themirokai]

Hello I have a law question for highly important reasons (fanfiction). You mentioned recentlyish one of your interns was waiting on her bar results — how are those communicated generally? Digitally now I assume but is it just like, an email? Do you log in to some kind of portal to see results? Does everyone who wrote get their results at once or are they sent in batches? How longish are you usually waiting between writing it and getting results? Ty for any insight🫡

Hi there! I am very happy to answer the call of a fan fiction author in need! I have zero idea how this works in any other country, and in the US, as with so many other things, it changes from state to state.

1. In every state the test is only administered twice per year: at the end of July and the end of February. When the results come out varies a little bit by state but in general the turnaround time is about 2.5 months. My associate took the July bar and got her results October 13th. February bar results come out in mid-May. Everyone who takes the exam in a certain state gets their results at the same time.

2. In my state the test takers log on to an online portal to see their results, which are posted on a precise day and time that is announced well in advance. I think that’s pretty common across states. However, results are also posted publicly by seat number (you get your seat number either when you register for or take the test, if you would like that level of detail I’m happy to ask my associate). So anyone who has your seat number can see if you passed (i feel like that has good potential for fic drama?) My associate did not tell anyone at work her seat number so we just had to wait until she called to tell us (she worked from home that day). I’m not sure how common the public posting thing is, but I suspect a bunch of states do it. If you have a specific state for your fic, you can look up that state’s bar exam. The info should be available online but im happy to help navigate. 🙂

I have Many Thoughts about the bar exam and am happy to answer both factual and subjective questions.

Good luck with the fic! I may need to read it when you’re done, even though I don’t know the source material!

#bar exam #miro does asks #second time being a lawyer consultant for friends writing fic #I enjoy it #real lawblr #lawblr #i went on a bit of a bar exam tangent when #I was writing my Jayvik environmental lawyers au

[sccoobydoobers]

linda as a therapist for literally everyone in the show is pretty flawed. yes, she can give perspective on supernatural matters but even her friends outside of the know (ella) go to her when they need the advice of a therapist. feel free to correct me on this but with my vague memory I at least know its highly unprofessional to take on a patient (fully booked and everything I presume) who you know personally or even just, has a impression in your life. as this can very much effect how you treat them and the help you give to them even if you don't mean it too.

lucifer being linda's paitent was obviously highly unethical at the start but eventually they develop into a more professional-friend kind. where still, it is unethical as eventually linda DOES fall into a relationship with lucifer's brother. who was an antagonist of sorts during at least season 1's sessions.

at some point i'd think between seasons 2-3 she starts writing the book about lucifer's therapy sessions and his life, given the book was on its completed first draft and we are shown it at least half way through at some point. and, if you dont know, writing a whole book (especially as long as linda's) takes a LONG time.

meaning, at any point in that time linda could've stepped back and thought: 'this is highly unethical and maybe I should at least get the permission of everyone who im using their private therapy sessions.' its a very simple yet, it couldve changed the whole direction of the book from being the simplified cliches of everyone to more realistic versions of the people.

linda takes advantage of lucifer while doing this, really, as when lucifer finds out about this book, he is thrilled. he is excited because it will be the first book to ever have an accurate representation of him.

And I think later, when everyone reads the book and finds out the contents are a really bad fanfiction of their lives, Lucifer is a bit disappointed. I mean, its supposed to be the first book to portray him in a light most accurate to him, and the book doesn't even end up doing that!

I also want to add that everyone gets mad at lucifer because of their portrayals in the book. When, in fact, they should've at least placed part of the blame on linda, the person who wrote the book. instead of taking literally every word of it to heart. (this post goes into it in more detail!)

Lucifer is, at times (a lot of the time), an unreliable narrator. Because he is made to always tell the truth, something that could be world-ending for Earth might not be important at all to him because x reason etc etc.

(example: the whole mira/rory thing - it didn't occur to him to mention to chloe that this supposed child of him is half angel because that genuinely wasnt important to him and didn't seem relevant to the occasion. chloe then gets pissy at him for this so the more you know)

I'm gonna say something that's pretty obvious but needs to be said: linda is not the group's therapist. of course, she is lucifer's highly unethical therapist. but she is not everyone elses. no one else is shown to have regular one on one sessions with her. apart from maybe ella & maze a couple times and the others are super rare.

her knowing and giving this guidance to her friends is really that. an act of their friendship that they trusted her to give good advice on how to deal with their obviously very stressful and traumatic lives.

then for her to turn around and write it into a book (probably turned book series given how long its said to be) which will be accessed but not only the general public, but also people outside of the know that close to them. like chloe's mother, ella's family, dan's parents etc etc.

that is a horrible thing. even if their families don't read the book, other people will.

imagine ella's distant cousin reads the books after it becomes popular for some reason, connects the dots. then suddenly ella's family are asking if she really had a serial killer for a boyfriend and can imagine the way a person dies perfectly from just seeing the scene and and and

dan is also very dead. at least legally dead. will dan's parents be contacted before the publishing of the book to ask for permission? probably not.

- (it would be funny to think if this is the downfall of the book. dan's parents suing this random stranger who claims to be their dead son's therapist for writing him in a book that hugely slanders and makes fun of him)

this will also affect their professional lives. all of sudden everyone they ever meet will have readily accessible detailed accounts of their lives for the past 5 years, their traumas, their ambitions everything about them at the fingertips of coworkers, employers, bosses, whatever.

even just a snippet of the book (it will most likely gain popularity with lucifer's reputation + the fact more that 50% of the cast for it will be cops) would be very insightful towards the point of view and personal information of everyone involved.

its a breach of privacy, a betrayal of trust and a destroyer to any lives the main cast could possibly lead after the publication. the storyline and concept sucks.

#anti dr linda martin #below the cut is a more detailed rant about the book linda writes and how shes really making some questionable decisions with this #lucifer netflix #anti chloe decker #anti deckerstar #lucifer morningstar #dan espinoza #ella lopez #dr linda martin #mazikeen smith #amenadiel #mazikeen #my post #bad therapists #rory morningstar #therapists in media #to clarify i have very limited information on therapist practises. more on the physical medic side of knowledge #hence: doctor ethics #1am posting #long post #rant #meta

[seancamerons]

4, 12 :)

4. Do you outline your fics? Yes I do.

I, depending on the fanfiction the detail varies in the outlines. I've become a much better planner than I used to be, and my details are more evident in later stories.

Would someone die just from reading your outline? I don't know. It's kind of vague you'd definitely get more excitement I believe, out of the actual fanfiction all fleshed out than an outline.😄

12. Do you listen to music while writing? Yes, of course.

If so, what’s a song or genre of music that really gets you in the ‘The Zone’? (Reference to the Pixar movie 'Soul’) I listen to pretty much everything the exceptions are country and boring elevator music? I suppose.

As far as notable stuff, I may or may not be obsessed with Britney Spears, but you probably know that. I have an affinity for eighties music. Most 80's music literally fascinates I'm pretty much obsessed. For basically my whole life. I just wanna shout out a huge massive thank-you for watching a whole lot of VH1 in my childhood. Best decision ever. (I was probably born in the wrong decade, or maybe I was right on time, but I missed the eighties by a year.😢)

I love a variety of '90s and mid to late 2000s music that gives me warm, fuzzy, and nostalgic vibes. The subject matter of most of the fanfiction I write usually takes place during those settings and time periods (the mid-2000's). The music sets the stage, sets the mood, and gets me in the zone.

I'm musically open-minded. Still, I'm a smidge picky. I'll admit not so big on newer music, lots of artists and songs don't stand out to me, or seem unoriginal or similar. I don't know that's just me. I am always open to recommendations for someone to try and change my mind I doubt it!

Offtopic tangent, as for newer music, some of the songs on the Barbie soundtrack are fire. Ava Max's Choose Your Fighter, Lizzo's Pink, and Dua Lipa's Dance the Night to name a few.

An example of music and fanfiction, I have a playlist for one of my lengthier stories, my pandemic baby, TOGETHER FOREVER (can be read here and here). The accompanying playlist is on Spotify, it's public and available for listening right here. Perhaps I'll do more playlists in the future.

Thanks, Becca. I'm available and down for more questions about fanfiction! 💌

#asks #reinhartroleplays #💌 thank-you for the ask! #this is fun! #fanfiction #writing #music #degrassific #fic #writing tag

[avenger-hawk]

Hi! About writing for RPF/RPS is there still a possibility to place 'canon personality' here or this is when they become OCs that have the name and face?

It's an interesting question.

First of all what can be defined as canon personality in such case? What we (=the public) can see of them. What we are shown, during shows, events, interviews.

Which can be the 'character' they interpret, like, some popstars, idols, kpop and boy/girlbands are totally interpreting roles for fanservice, especially asian ones: the cute guy/girl, the mysterious one, the childish one, and so on, and they do so on every public moment so we think it's their 'canon' personality, and when we write about them we portray them and their dynamics accordingly, and if we don't it's perceived as OOC, because it basically is.

In other cases, like actors, other kinds of musicians, other kinds of celebrities, they still choose to show certain aspects of their personality and not others, so what is consider canon is all that they show us, plus something more, cause since they don't 'interpret a character' like those aforementioned stars, something more might appear if they're taken by surprise, they might act in an unexpected way if they are under stress or if they start a relationship, they might 'reveal' something new and different in an interview (although personally I don't believe when they drop some big sad reveal but ok) or they might get in trouble. Sometimes these ppl appear more 'sincere' than they really are and that 'person next door' vibe is just a façade they're giving to the public, or they're way less mysterious/cool/clever or whatever than we think and we discover it by accident, 'character' is destroyed, but also the idealized image we had of them. Also, in case of musicians/bands who write their own songs, we might read their lyrics and understand something more of their personalities, and ofc there are onstage interaction between band members which are interesting to observe. So we consider 'canon' the mix of all these aspects and we write them accordingly.and ofc these things.

I think that writing rpf/rps is technically both writing OCs who wear real people's names and faces, and writing fiction based on the aforementioned 'canon' we see, and, at the same time, it can be a 'character study', an interpretation of what we see of them. After all (good) authors put a lot of attention in portraying them in a way that keeps into consideration everything seen, read or heard in interviews, events, lyrics, anything. And all authors put disclaimers to avoid eventual legal problems in certain countries, specifying that it's just fiction and the author doesn't know anything about the person/pairing, because it's fictional but it also uses real people's public identities, not just their names.

I'm rambling now, but I'll give you examples from my experience. First of all I used to hate rpf, until I started shipping 2 italian musicians like I said before, and I did because I saw a special chemistry in them. I read and wrote fanfiction as well, trying to be accurate with the personalities they show through interviews, videos, interactions. I also got very pissed off because most of the fandom saw one of them as 'vulnerable' while it was clear that this guy was very dominant and acting fake vulnerable to appear cuter, while the other was a kind of submissive and insecure personality even though he had tattoos and badass outfits. Since the fandom was small and homophobic (despite being the fandom for shipping 2 guys lol) at some moment it became a trend to say that no one shipped them for real, that it was just fanon, so ppl started paying less and less attention to writing them IC so now in that ship tag it's 99% basically OCs with those names, not recognizable at all. I instead still like to look at cues, at details, to confirm (or change) my interpretation of them, what I see in what they showed until now, and I still like to write them 'IC' in this sense.

Another rpf I just discovered is Placebo related. I was always a fan but only recently I saw some old gifs of the singer and the guitarist and wow, I also remembered some interviews I read of them and I started looking for fics and I saw many, some about their first years, some about later, as they have a long career. Everyone agrees with the singer's personality as kind of bitchy and selfish, rebellious, flirty and obscene but also insecure, and it makes sense since he's openly bisexual since forever, he wore feminine clothes and makeup in the 90s macho britpop environment, and he said he saw himself as an object when he was young, and while his relationships with women are known, those with guys are not and he admitted that he more times had one sided love for guys (I initially read about him to learn more about bisexual men since I think one of the guys in my italian ship lol is bisexual as well), while the guitarist is portrayed as calmer but naughty as well. Both did a lot of drugs in the past so a lot of fics are angsty, about drug abuse and messed up stuff, and in most they are friends with benefits but have other, more messed up and darker relationships and they come to each other for comfort...I kinda like this portrayal because it takes into consideration all those videos, interviews, moments about them individually and together, so I'd say that it's close to 'canon', but ofc it's what we are shown.

I hope it makes sense. Recently I can't bring myself to write fanfiction but I think about them a lot.

#I hate kpop/idols/boy&girl bands everywhere. they look so fake and so plastic-y #fanon and fandom stuff

[al-hekima-madara-blog]

lol, the fandom does make super feminine and "weak" (sweet, kind, nice...) female character into dom. Normally, or they make them lesbian or they make them peg the male character in the ship or girlbossfy them, changing the more feminine traits and making them more aggressive, more powerful and independent, in other words more 'masculine coded'. So while it's annoying in male characters (and more prevalent since male characters are used more frequently in fics) it's also annoying in female characters because it makes it very clear how shallow and vapid their interpretation of weakness and strength is.

What annoys me is how unrecognizable the characters end up in this process. In the end they only retain their names and specific characteristics, and sometimes not even that.

Yeah I agree, even if I feel the very masculine character is more likely to fall into this inversion than his female counterpart. And paradoxically it's done in the name of creative freedom, diversity and subversion while actually it's creating oversimplified and lazy tropes, and applying the most sexist and narrow-minded definition of what is masculine and what is feminine. As bakenekobaa said before BDSM is a specific niche to specific public with there own code. It doesn't encapsulate all nuances of how every people interact with one an other unless they believe that masculine/feminine is equivalent to master/slave relationship? And aside from fanfic, I write as well my own original stories I'll be so sick if someone took a character I've carefully crafted, but devitalized him from everything who makes him special and relevant to the story. Nobody here in tumblr like when someone photoshops someone else drawing, adding colour, erasing details, it's so disrespectful! That's the same in writing a character from fiction, if you disrespect his creator you won't be respected in return. I think that's why fanfictions are rarely acknowledge by original authors. And that's a shame, there is so much fantastic fanfics out there who gives more explanation to what was missing in the canon or put some character in a different AU or crossover with other universe, or dive into romances when it was not the centrepiece like in a shonen or even show you a different ending, what if X happened instead? There is so much things ! But if you can't recognize the character anymore bc it's so OOC, what's the point to expand on...void? an empty shell with a similar name? No thanks, it's annoying and people can't take it seriously. So I might repeat myself but if people have so much imagination, I seriously think why not create an original character with a different name instead of imposing a fanon in someone else 's hardwork? Who knows, maybe they gonna create an original masterpiece and they can be the next Kishimoto.

[regulushq-archive]

if i ever say oliver and javier what i mean is remus and sirius shut up

#i write fanfiction in public and no one can know that so i change details and i always use these names for them #but sometimes i accidentally think of them as these #and just now i put them in a post alakfjsdfds #lmaooo #okay but but i have a wip in which they are actors and their characters are named oliver and javier #that wasn't a mistake #anyway i deleted that post real quick #but!! the names were chosen strategically #they both end with the same two letters #and i tried to make them fit their characters #only thing is i should have made them both start w consonants and end w s #then i could just do find and replace i guess #anywayyyyyy #is this pillow talk #fuckery #damn that's a lot of tags

[thelucyverse]

How To Interact With Beta Readers - for Fanfic Authors

I wanted to make posts both for fic authors and beta readers, because I realized in several recent interactions that some helpful unwritten rules of fandom seem to have become lost to people who are new to it.

This isn't meant to be a call-out post against anyone to say 'you did it wrong!' (really, how could anyone be mad if you just didn't know any better), and there aren't even any definite rules for anything - but I just thought these things might be nice to know and helpful to share around. This first part will be @ the authors, the second part is @ the betas.

Asking for a beta reader

When you want someone to look through your fic, whether you ask in a tumblr post, @/helper in a discord server, in the notes of an already posted work or anywhere else, it's important to state both a) what the work that you want betad is and b) what you want from a beta reader.

The facts about the story.

The first most important facts about the story are a) length (in wordcount, as that is the most-used measurement for fanfiction - you can see it below the tags of an ao3 draft, or at the bottom left of a Word document), and b) rating and warnings. No, please don't just ask 'i have a fic for xy ship to beta' - that's nice information, but not helpful for someone who needs to decide whether they a) have the time to work on the length of fic and b) are willing to be confronted with the kind of content you have written.

In addition to that, you should of course also write what fandom, characters and dynamic it is about, because most beta readers are only willing to beta stories they would also usually read for fun. To make sure that the right people find the ask for a beta reader, you best target the post to them, so tag a tumblr post with the fandom and ship etc, and on discord share the request in a server or channel for the fandom, not an unrelated one.

What format is the draft in?

A word document you can send them via e-mail, a copy-pasted text in a direct message, link access to a google docs? Not everyone is comfortable with all of these methods, and you need to figure out one that works for the both of you.

Also, do you want the changes made directly in the text, in comment functions of the document, or as messages to you? If for example you send someone a Word document, and don't want them to change anything directly in your text, but they aren't comfortable working with the comment function there and end up writing you separate messages telling you what page and line the edits are one, that's going to be a lot more work for you to look through than you might have liked, so make sure to communicate it all beforehand and figure out a way that works properly for everyone.

What do you want from your beta?

'Well, to look over the story, duh?' but it's not that easy. Do you want the beta to:

- Only check for spelling and grammar mistakes in comments next to the text, No other suggestions at all because they would make you feel bad about your work/you don't have the time or want to spend the time on editing anything but honest mistakes/ any other reason?

- Grammar and spelling checks but also suggestions for word flow, repetitive words and phrases that could be changed and stylistic things like adding paragraph breaks (which are always nice to have for mobile reading)?

- [same as above] and also point out possible logic flaws and places where you might want to move a scene forward or back, or suggestions to things you could add to the story, with explanations as to why?

- [same as above] and also give suggestions for text you could cut that is unnecessary to the story or interrupting the flow of a scene in the opinion of your beta reader?

- Include nice messages as to what the beta liked best of the fic, or stay completely objective?

- Point out things they subjectively didn't like and would change about the story if they wrote it themselves, or not?

- Make corrections directly in the story, so afterwards you barely need to look at it anymore before you can publish it, or only give suggestions in comments or messages?

All of these are things some people welcome and others find incredibly annoying and/or hurtful! So make sure to communicate exactly what you are looking for. You don't have to do so in your initial public request, but once you have found a potential beta, you should text them the details before giving them access to your fic.

Do not be afraid of cancelling on a beta if you don't think it is going to work out! Whether because they aren't comfortable using the format you like to use, are a language teacher who can't stop correcting the long sentences you choose to keep as a stylistic choice, or just someone you don't vibe with, whether it's before or after they have started beta reading - be kind, but let them know that it just isn't working out, and that you would rather stop now before either of you wastes any more time and effort. If they want you to, you can tell them what you would have liked them to do differently, but don't ask someone to change how they are, and don't give unsolicited criticism, no, not even to a beta reader.

Decide on a time-frame

When are you going to send them the fic? Chapter by chapter over the next days, or the entire work? When do you want or need the work to be beta read? Is it for a challenge or gift exchange and needs to be finished on the same day, or can they wait for the weekend? Even if you don't have a specific deadline, when do you want them to send it back at the latest?

Working with a beta reader

After - or, if you are in for example a google docs at the same time, while - your beta reader does the corrections, you should look at them and decide which corrections you want to keep, and which to disregard. This is entirely your decision, it is your story, you don't need to feel bad if you don't take all of the suggestions for your work, even if you end up only correcting the spelling mistakes and ignoring everything else, it's your decision and this is fine.

If your beta gave suggestions for additional scenes or sentence changes, you can let them know once you have new text for them to correct, but keep in mind that they might no longer have time or energy to beta now, and don't be disappointed if they tell you this or don't reply. They already helped you, and you can always look for a new beta if you feel that your story still needs it.

Crediting your beta reader

Where are you uploading your fic, and how does your beta reader want to be credited? You best talk about this beforehand as well, as some betas only want to work on something when they will get the credit on a platform they are also on.

When posting on tumblr, it is usually expected to @ the person who helped you and write their url or tracked tag in the #s as well, but make sure to ask beforehand, as maybe they don't want other people to know they beta because they don't want to get swamped in work requests/ they don't want their url associated with for example explicit work/ they want you to tag a sideblog for the fandom instead of their main url.

On ao3, you can link to another author's dashboard or profile page (ask which one they prefer) in the notes by first going to the work text - rich text, writing their name, clicking the link symbol, pasting the url, going back to HTML text and cut-pasting the code to the note you want to have it in. You can do the prep work in a new work instead of your actual draft so you won't accidentally cut any of the work text. Again, ask the person beforehand whether they want to be linked there, or just want a nickname or their tumblr url credited.

You can also gift people works on ao3, and while this is in no way a requirement and most beta readers won't ask for it, just about everyone is happy to receive ao3 gifts! You can ask them beforehand if they want that, but as people can accept and refuse gifts on ao3 themselves, you can also let it be a surprise.

If your beta put a lot of work into your fic and wrote parts of it themselves, you can also make them a co-creator of the work on ao3, but only do this if you know and trust the person, as they will gain access to the fic and will be able to edit everything just like you.

Let me know if I missed anything, and I will update the post!

Tips for beta-readers themselves here!

#beta readers #fanfic authors #fandom #fandom lesson #fic lesson #tumblr lesson #ao3 lesson #ao3 #how to ao3 #how to fandom #not lverse #tagging some fandoms too hmm #lotr #hp #tog #gomens #star wars

[seasurfacefullofclouds1]

Why are larries so threatened by the fact that louis has curves?It reached a point where they say absurd shit about louis to prove that hes masculine?one of them made it seem like he is a homophobe.Do they really erase every part of his personality and body just to mold him into that man's "daddy"?

I think sometimes fans let fanfiction imaginations take over reality. You can see it in Harry’s concerts, in all the signs and assumptions people make about him (teenage girls who make signs that they’ll “be legal in two years” and asking Harry to “wait,” fans wearing shirts saying, “I fucked the singer,” fans making Larrie signs etc.).

But truth be told, even though fans succumb to a parasocial relationship with the celebrities, the celebs also thrive on playing out the fandom’s fantasies. It’s a two-way relationship.

Ultimately, it feeds the celeb’s egos (which is fucked up, but seems irresistible), and it’s profitable.

Louis seems to have made a point not to be seduced by the trappings of adulation, maybe because he’s had a tougher road and knows how it feels to be rejected. He knows who he is and he … just is who he is.

Harry— not so much. His team coddles him. He caters to his predominantly horny teenage fanbase, willing to pry their parents’ wallets open, and he’s making bank. They like his juvenile sexual innuendos, the “nursery rhyme” ditty that turns out to be about eating pussy etc. They all share a nudge-nudge-wink-wink giggle together, except the kids who innocently sing it at camp, thinking it’s about their mom’s sweet boyfriend making fruit salad.

Sorry I got off track hahaha.

My point is that whatever Larries think or Louies or Harries think about their sexualities are irrelevant to the reality of their sexualities. They are who they are; our projected fantasies do not change who they are.

The second point is that being argumentative about this fantasy— down to the specific details of how they’re sending cryptic sexual signals through clothing and accessories— is really disturbing.

Let’s go back to the Euphoria fanfiction event for a second.

This tweet from Jeremy O. Harris is strange.

This particular Euphoria episode is a story about the fucked up nature of online social interactions— about the conflation of fantasy and reality, about internet stars providing false images and consumers fanning those images with their own insecurities and desires.

How can a fantasy— a titillating internet fiction, in this case— be conflated with real world LGBTQIA activism? How is this #Pride?

It can’t. It’s not.

So much of fandom is about fantasy. There’s a lot of indignation and shouting about sexuality, which is based on assumptions.

But there’s a lot less indignation and discussion in the fandom about professional sabotage, which is based on actual data, publications, airplay, media bias, AllAccess placement, playlist arrangements etc.

Who cares whether Louis is fem or not? Is he getting a fair chance to showcase his work?

Larries assiduously avoid this question, because their fantasies about his sexuality sustain a more disturbing fantasy of theirs— that somehow their concerns are the most relevant, and that Louis shares their sexual concerns ABOVE his actual desire to share his creative works— writing and making music, growing his audience, being productive and valued for his actual job. So many questions to Big Larrie blogs these days start, “When they come out,” “Looking back at the bears,” “They’re so loud,” “When is it going to end?”

Support. The. Music.

#music industry #fandom discourse #louis tomlinson #harry styles #Larries #Louies #harries

[scripttorture]

Do you have any advice for self-care to use specifically when you are angry and frustrated by torture apologia? Or even more so when being dismissed when confronting others because they think you are not smart, too emotional, not having enough applicable background, etc. I wanted to keep this general. I know you posted about taking breaks and keeping up your mental health but I could not find anything about ways to deal with anger that don’t involve confronting others, especially if it is culturally frowned upon. Thank you for your hard work with this blog.

Well duck, I uh mostly deal with anger by running this blog.

 I’m honestly not sure that I deal with anger well. I try and I’m working on it but I know I struggle to stay calm and polite when something infuriates me. I’m also a lot better at communicating in a helpful, patient and articulate fashion in writing then I am in person.

 Keep in mind that you do not have to have these conversations every time someone is spouting torture apologia.

 Spreading awareness is great! Educating others is great!

 But (and I really can not stress this enough) it is not your job to correct everyone. It is not your job to ‘fix’ people. It is not your job to persuade others they should care.

 Pick your battles. Engage with people who you think you can have a genuine conversation with. Remember that when you’re talking politics (and torture is political) then the aim is not to convert the people on the extreme ends: it’s to persuade the people who are on the fence.

 And if you really want to engage with people engage about the things they care about. If you’re talking to someone who believes in law and order or justice as retribution then talk about how torture puts police at risk and how it leads to innocent people landing in jail. If you’re talking to people who are concerned with safety in their neighbourhoods talk about how torture can serve as a recruiting factor for extremist groups and gangs. If they’re concerned about public health and the treatment of the mentally ill talk about how torture causes life long health problems and how that takes away from the economy.

 Aim at the level where people are willing to engage with you.

 If people take issue with your level of education or subject and question how you can know this stuff; act like an academic would. Cite your sources.

 ‘Well Rejali who studied this for years and created one of the most detailed analysis of global torture we have-’ ‘O’Mara, who studies the brain and how trauma impacts it,’ ‘Morgan, who put US marines through a mock interrogation with mild levels of stress and found-’ ‘Shalev who studies solitary confinement-’ ‘Sironi who is a psychologist and has interviewed hundreds of torturers-’ ‘Kara who produced the largest data base of interviews with modern slaves-’

 Repressing your anger, tapping it down, is not a good idea. As with most negative emotions it’s healthier to let yourself feel them and work through them.

 It’s also important to recognise that while there are real reasons for your feelings you can not always do anything about them. And there comes a point where you have to deal with that. The things that anger us and hurt us are not always things we can actually personally effect. Changing public opinion takes decades and is the work of thousands of people, not one individual.

 I feel like those of us who are not from the West have a bit of an advantage here, because sitting with that anger and learning when and how to put it aside is something you grow up with.

 Having support helps a lot. Having people you can talk to about this stuff is incredibly important. And I am so grateful to all of the people I know who support me in this: the court journalists, philosophers, writers and researchers who I can discuss this with. I also get a lot from reading about the successes around the world, modern or historical. They’re out there.

 Martial arts have also helped me a lot over the years. Capoeira helped me a lot but given the pandemic it isn’t a great idea right now. But a pair of boxing pads and a willing house mate are definitely a good way to get out some anger. Thumb on the outside of your fist, never inside your fingers. Keep it close to your body, fist at your hip, thumb upwards. Twist as you punch so your thumb faces down as you connect with the pad. Make sure to move your hips.

 Don’t do what I did at uni and try to use a pillow instead of proper pads. You’ll end up bruised.

 Right now, without a decent capoeira group and a lockdown in place, I do push ups.

 If you have a garden dig. Plant young trees, if you’re in the northern hemisphere (it’s the wrong time in the southern hemisphere.) Dig a vegetable patch. Make an area of wild flowers by cutting and tearing out the grass, raking the ground and scattering native plant seeds in the mud.

 Take all the electric whisks out of the kitchen and make a cake. Cream the butter until it feels like your arm will fall off.

 Make a curry from scratch without a blender. I use a granite pestle and mortar and it takes several batches and several hours to grind a proper paste. I’m a big fan of Matar Paneer and it freezes well giving some tasty work lunches for a week or so.

 Make bread. I’m not very good at this but the kneading, layering and mixing all take a lot of work. Which can be a very good outlet. I wish I could give you a paratha recipe but the truth is my skill level is no where near high enough to attempt the best breads. (I buy mine frozen.)

 The advantage I’ve found from all of these outlets is they’re constructive. Boxing and push ups will make you stronger, whatever skill level you start at. Gardening will give you fruit, vegetables or wonderful flowers in a few months time. It’ll give you new knowledge of plants. Cooking any of the things I’ve suggested will give you wonderful food and more skills.

 I always try to find something constructive to do with my anger. I think there’s a tendency to portray anger as bad in and of itself rather then having a conversation about how we act on our anger.

 I also can’t stress enough how writing can help. Fiction is an excellent way to process our feelings and express why we feel the way we do.

 The piece of fanfiction I’m currently writing has one of the characters dealing with a traumatic brain injury. Writing this character struggling to communicate what he’s going through and trying to come to terms with his limits while the people around him are looking at him and saying ‘well you don’t look disabled-’ It’s helped me process a lot of my anger over how I’m treated because of my mental health problems and the dumb, unnecessary barriers that make my life more difficult.

 What’s the root of the anger here? When you know that, you can address it with words. You can construct a story that will explore it. You can see it through the lense of different characters. And that really helps process it.

 I hope that helps :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

#writing advice #tw torture #torture apologia #tackling torture apologia #mental health #research #anger #dealing with anger

[insfiringyou]

BTS - Going Solo (Part One) - Jimin x Ara

Contains: Angst. *Potential trigger warning for descriptions of panic attacks*

Set a few months following their scene in ‘Private Moments’, Ara is faced with a decision which will change the course of her future. 

(Part Two will be uploaded soon, after a few fics focusing on some of the other members.)

You can find out more about our headcanon universe and ongoing storyline here and more about our headcanon girlfriends here.

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook & our full masterlist of fanart and fanfictions can be found here

If you wish to follow all member’s storylines in chronological order from the beginning, you can find them listed here.

Content below the cut

‘Jimin,

We just spoke, and you asked if I was happy. I think I am. At least most days.’

Ara typed slowly. Her nails had just been manicured and were longer than she was used to. The sound of acrylics against the keyboard rang through the small hotel room. 

‘When I’m with you I can feel really happy. You can be so sweet and loving and I appreciate you always check up on me - to make sure I’m okay. Touring is hard. You know it better than anybody else, and you tried to prepare me for it.’

She gave a soft sigh, knowing no one else would hear. The words were spilling out of her fingers before her brain had time to catch up, though she knew based on experience she would eventually work out what she was trying to say. The room was dark and the white glow from the word document was starting to make her eyes water. The contact lenses had been in all day and were getting on her nerves. Still, she persevered. She could remove them once she had finished. 

‘I’ve been asked to renew my contract.’

She stopped typing, heart thudding, and realised she felt scared. Her hand moved automatically to her stomach and she exhaled slowly before taking a deep, drawn out breath. She had been practicing and it had gotten easier. At first she would panic, and find her chest rising and falling like crazy, on the verge of hyperventilation, but soon she learned the trick; it was her stomach which was supposed to be moving, not her chest. Her cheeks were a little warm and she knew it was shame she was feeling, not embarrassment. She hadn’t told him yet, despite having known for over a week. Tentatively, she continued, fingers picking up speed as she became used to the sensation of the new nails. 

‘You remember me telling you the first was on a trial basis, based on sales. Well - whatever target they set for us, we must have hit it. Even you have noticed the increase in publicity lately...the T.V appearances. They’ve asked me to film a reality show. I don’t know what they’re expecting.’

Her brow furrowed, wondering...

‘I guess they might have asked you too?’

The laptop stayed silent for a long time and she rested her hands against the small, cheap desk as she gazed at the screen. Her mind suddenly seemed blank and she felt stupid. She would never send the document to Jimin, just as she hadn’t sent the ones she had written before; three month’s worth of unopened, worthless ramblings saved in some obscure folder on her desktop, trapped in the harddrive somewhere between her acoustic recordings and photographs of hairstyles she had saved from Pinterest. She often wondered why she even bothered to save them. Her counsellor had told her, time and time again, that keeping a diary would be helpful. She could record her mood swings and track her periods, along with keeping count of what she ate; wholegrains made her bloated, red food colourings brought out a rash. She sometimes worried she might be lactose intolerant, though could handle it in coffee. That type of thing. She kept it up at first; bashfully bringing the sparkly diary into the small office she visited once a month and reciting what she had written to the man opposite. He would nod sympathetically as she spoke, making a comment from time to time; asking how she felt about what she had put. But the company was paying him to do this; all the girls went, and she sometimes wondered if it was the food diary he was really interested in. If her manager was keeping track, making sure she and the other members were not overdoing it on the full-fat salad dressing and milky lattes. 

The diary entries began to dwindle and, not long after her last week-long visit back to Seoul, the meaningless letters on her laptop started. They were usually addressed to Jimin, though she had written several to her father and one to her brother. She wasn’t good with words; she had been told that often enough at school when she would have to read out loud from the book of the week in Literature, or come up with an argument in Business Studies. Her mouth would stumble and she’d turn red, both ashamed and humiliated, until the teacher inevitably took pity on her and told her to sit back down. Writing in private was much easier, especially when she knew no one but her would see.

‘I don’t know how to feel.’

The cursor hovered, blinking at the end of the last line. There was a heavy knock at the door and Ara jumped, hands automatically reaching for the laptop lid, before a familiar female voice called out.

“Ara? Are you coming?”

She quickly gathered herself, clicking the save icon at the top of the screen. The company had arranged a group meal in the restaurant downstairs, though she had forgotten, her mind distracted by more pressing thoughts.

“In a minute…I just need to change my lenses.” She called back, moving her finger against the touchpad as a pop-up appeared. She selected the save button once more, mouth twisting as she read the title in the little window: ‘Untitled #12.’ She wondered if she would ever get around to renaming them properly.

***

“Your hair has so much texture. I wish mine were thicker.”

Ara murmured in reply before catching the young stylist’s reflection in the mirror and realising how rude she must have sounded. Da-eun had come to the company some months before and was undeniably sweet. Too sweet, Ara sometimes thought, for the business she was in. The other makeup artists and hairdressers loved to keep one ear to the wall, in case there was a chance of promotion or, she rather cynically suspected, a way to increase their pay by selling gossip, but Da-eun didn’t seem like that. At least not yet.

After a moment’s hesitation, Ara smiled into the glass at the figure behind her. “I’m glad I have you to do it for me. The roots are a nightmare!”

Da-eun returned the smile and seemed to relax, but a curious expression still played on her features as she ran the straightener gently across the dyed tips of hair. “Are you tired?”

“I didn’t get much sleep.” Ara confirmed, briefly closing her eyes. Da-eun knew not to press her, but she couldn’t help but worry the younger woman might know more than she was letting on. They had shared hotel rooms in the past and, perhaps it was the stylist's instinct, used to paying close attention to detail, but she always seemed to tell when something was amiss. It was frustrating sometimes. 

“I looked at the schedule. You’re not going on set until last so you’ll have time to rest before you go out.” Da-eun murmured helpfully. Ara nodded, relieved. It occurred to her, not for the first time, that Da-eun should quit while she could; while she was still young and hopeful and kind. 

“I just don’t have the energy right now…” Ara sighed as she felt her hair being released. The younger woman finished working the ends and unplugged the device from the dressing room table. 

“Did you sign the contract yet?” 

Her voice was inquisitive and a little optimistic. Ara had never asked, but there was always the chance that Da-eun’s contract was somehow tied to her own; that if the group were to disband, she might lose her job. Ara shook her head lightly.

“No.”

Da-eun raised an eyebrow. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“I just haven’t had time to read it properly.” She said, truthfully. “It’s come around sooner than I thought…”

The stylist moved forward, reaching for the set of hairbrushes on the counter, before selecting the biggest. She teased through the ends of hair with her short fingers before brushing lightly along the bleached roots, smoothing the locks. 

“There’s been rumours.” The younger woman said, voice suddenly low as though she were worried about being overheard. A thick curtain set apart the dressing room from the photography studio, but it was always possible someone was listening. 

Ara blinked, tensing a little. “What?”

Da-eun smiled gently. “That you’re making a solo album.”

“Oh…” The older woman wasn’t sure what she had expected, but this news took her by surprise. “I wasn’t planning on it.” She shrugged.

“That’s a relief.” Da-eun beamed with a small laugh. “I’m looking forward to going home soon. Aren’t you?”

Ara opened her mouth to speak, not sure what she was going to say, but the curtain beside them drew apart suddenly; startling them both. 

“Oh! Costume change…” Da-eun exclaimed, setting down the brush and turning to accommodate the older woman who had just entered. Mimi was a year older than Ara and usually less prone to accidents, but the leather strap on her camisole suggested a wardrobe malfunction which needed attending to at once.

“Sorry to interrupt…” The other woman murmured apologetically, gesturing to Da-eun. “Could you fix this for me?”

“Sure.” She nodded, stepping away.

Ara’s phone had vibrated against her thigh twenty minutes before but she hadn’t wanted to risk opening the text, especially with someone standing over her shoulder. As Da-eun seated Mimi in the rotating chair on the opposite side of the room to take a look at her costume, Ara took the moment to slip the device from her pocket and flick through the recent notifications. Unsurprisingly, it had been Jimin who had texted and she read the sentence a couple of times before returning it to her pocket.

‘Two more weeks. I’m looking forward to seeing you. It’s been too long.’ 

***

Ara sipped from the glass, the cool water clearing her throat and offering a much needed refreshment from the events of the day. Her voice had become raspy from singing, but luckily she didn’t need it to type. 

‘Jimin,

I was cleaning my closet before we went on tour and found the dress I was wearing on the night we met.’

She found herself smiling, a little longingly, at the memory, a strange anecdote coming to mind.

‘It still has a Daiquiri stain on the hem and it’s too big for me now. I don’t know why I’m saving it.’

The thought made her sad, somehow. 

‘I wonder if you remember that night as clearly as I do. I didn’t want to leave. I knew you were with someone else, but I didn’t care.’

A deep frown played on her otherwise gentle features.

‘Does that make me a bad person?’

It wasn’t until she read the line back, she realised the thought had never occurred to her before. Not once in five years. She wondered why it suddenly seemed to matter. With a sigh, she continued, committing her trail of thoughts to the page.

‘You told me it was over the next time we met, and I believed you, but part of me wondered if you’d go back to her, once you knew how inexperienced I was. I guess I know how you feel sometimes. The whole thing has taken me by surprise as well. I never felt like anyone would want me.’

Her chest ached as she typed the final sentence; overwhelmed by emotion. It was true that the compliments and flirty glances she often received were met with an automatic but fleeting sense of glee. It felt novel, after so long of feeling like she didn’t deserve it. It sometimes still felt that way; back in the hotel room, after the cheers of the crowd had faded. She had brought the subject up with her company counsellor who had laughed it off, explaining that everyone suffered with imposter syndrome from time to time; she wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last. On the matter of flirting, she had kept that one to herself. It felt too personal and she was sure it would come across as vain. Occasionally it was unwarranted; the older mens’ eyes moving down her legs when she took to the stage in a short skirt back in Seoul, or the way she jumped in alarm when someone once slipped their hand down the back of her jeans while she stood tightly packed in an elevator in Osaka. But other times she found her heart racing and stomach churning; not thinking of Jimin until she tucked herself in bed at night. A pretty, tall waitress brushing her hand as she handed over the bill in a Thai restaurant, or the hotel doorman who had helped her move her luggage earlier in the week and smiled kindly at her in the lobby. She knew Jimin, of all people, would understand. She had seen the way he played the audience, like he had a secret to share with them all. Early in their relationship it had made her crazy; the way he seemed to flirt with anyone he came into contact with, often without even realising. But now the tables had turned. He would understand; but she wasn’t sure he would accept it. 

She glanced a warily at the shadowy corner of the room where an oversized bouquet of red roses sat on the dresser. They had arrived earlier to the hotel room, along with a postcard sized letter from her manager. He had been unable to make the trip to Taiwan but was waiting for her in Tokyo; the contract was ready, whenever she was ready to sign. The flowers seemed like a bribe; the gesture leaving a sour taste in her mouth. She wondered if the other two girls had received any, or if the privilege was all hers. 

The sound of her ringtone, a chirpy, summer tune, alerted her to the fact that an hour had already passed and it was getting late. She quickly swiped the screen and raised it to her ear, not wanting to wake up the neighbours.

“Hello?”

There was a pause before Jimin spoke. “How are you?” 

“Good.” She squinted at her watch with a frown. “What time is it there?”

“2am.”

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” She asked, a little baffled. He hadn’t called her this late in a while.

“I only just got in. There was a company dinner.” He explained. “What are you up to?”

She hesitated. “Just thinking.”

He laughed, softly mocking her. “Just thinking?”

She shook her head, dismissing it. “Oh, it’s nothing…I was drying my hair.” She lied, fingering the ends of the bone-dry locks in an automatic response. “Da-eun dyed the tips purple for the photoshoot.”

“I liked the pink.” He groaned, a little sulkily.

“They thought purple would fit better with the concept photos.” She mumbled deflatedly. “It’s not really my choice.”

“You could change it when you come home.” He said hopefully. She heard the flirtatious grin in his voice and could picture his smile on the other end. “They can’t do anything about it once your contract has ended.” 

“Maybe.” 

She sounded distant and he noticed the change at once.

“Are you okay?” 

She closed her eyes tightly, temporarily blocking out the glare from the laptop screen. “I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”

“Did you take a look at the brochures I emailed you?”

“I haven’t had time. I’m sure whatever you pick will be fine.” She knew she sounded a little irritated but was unable to mask it. The weight of the day suddenly seemed to dawn on her and she wanted nothing more than to go to bed. The last thing she wanted to talk about was moving house. 

“I’d really like you to help.” He argued lightly. “There’s a three bedroom going for sale on the Han River. Yoongi says it’s a good deal.”

Ara sighed. “I’m sure he’s right.”

A pause. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I wish you’d stop asking.” She pleaded, feeling on the verge of tears. Jimin seemed to hear the tremor in her voice and thought for a long moment before he spoke, tentatively.

“Maybe you should ask the doctor to change your medication again.”

Ara clutched the phone tightly. “It’s fine.” She tried to smile, hoping it would show in her voice. “I’m feeling much better, just tired.”

“Is that a side effect?” 

He sounded concerned and she nodded to herself, though she knew full well she hadn’t taken the time to read the little leaflet properly. “Probably. Maybe I just need some sleep.”

“Okay.” He agreed, though she sensed his trepidation. “I’d better go then.”

He sounded disappointed and Ara felt guilty once more. “I’m sorry Jimin.” She apologised softly. “It really was nice that you called. It’s just these time zones…”

“I understand.” 

She wondered if he did. Her eyes felt damp beneath her heavy, false eyelashes, making them itch. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

***

She had forgotten her contact lenses and had to rummage through her Birkin to retrieve her reading glasses. They felt strange on her nose and she wondered how she had ever made it through high school wearing them. At least she had been given a moment’s peace to read through the contract. The office overlooked Ueno Station and the rush of traffic below would be too distracting had someone also been watching her. 

‘As a permanent member of the label you should not bring the company into disrepute…’

She read carefully, though the paperwork seemed much larger than the last one she had signed. Some of the phrases looked familiar, such as the declaration of her dedication to being a ‘brand ambassador’, but others were definitely new. Her gaze hovered over one line:

‘...should not jeopardize future success…not limited to personal relationships, controversial thought or opinion including strong ties to political associations, ideologies or groups.’

She expected no less, particularly after Mimi was caught on camera reading a Betty Friedan book. The first part was more complicated and she wondered if Jimin’s management had asked something similar of him. 

With a sigh, she continued down the page, skimming the text now but picking up on key words which seemed important, ‘Maintain a visible and transparent social media presence….Agree to the screening and management of said accounts with the view of protecting our artists and their wellbeing.’

By the time she reached the end, it did not seem to matter and there was a strange comfort in realising this. The past three years had been carefully planned, organised, operated; her future written for her from the moment she stepped foot on stage for the first time. The moments of quiet between shows, or during her increasingly short stays back in Seoul, only seemed to complicate things further. Her thoughts were a mess whenever she stopped to breathe for a moment, and maybe it was easier to shut them off altogether; to give over all control and decision-making to someone else than to try and deal with them all herself. 

The fountain pen was heavier than she expected as she picked it off the table. It had the company brand embossed on the side in gold-leaf which seemed to reflect the fading light outside as the sun set below the concrete structure of the art museum to the West. Slowly, she signed her name on the final page; the ink blotting a little as she moved aside the bound file and repeated the motion on the second copy. The second attempt was neater as she grew used to the feel of the pen in her hand. There was a knack to it; just like many of the things she had grown to learn in her adult life; underwear should be washed on the delicate cycle, t-shirts should be turned inside out before they are ironed, glasses should not be left in the sink too long, should they smash. She had an assistant to do those things now, and her clothes were mostly dry cleaned these days. 

She neatened the piles of paper and put the lid back on the pen, so the ink wouldn’t dry. The first contract had been signed in black Biro, which hadn’t come with such demands. Reaching down, she picked up her black handbag and carefully folded her personal copy, slipping it between her lipstick and glasses case before adding the pen. She had probably paid for it anyway; in her own way. The green light on her phone was blinking and she slid it from the pouch in the lining. The text had arrived while she was in the meeting, which is why she hadn’t heard her phone go off. Her thumb paused over the messenger button for a moment, before she tapped the screen lightly; Jimin’s name and picture coming into view in the little window above the text. 

‘One more week! :)’

***

Thank you for reading. To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga  /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook

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[botwstoriesandsuch]

Kip v Age of Calamity

For someone who writes tough shit on Age of Calamity, you sure don’t see me writing a better story. So maybe I should stop complaining and be satisfied with what was given to me. 

...or...

...maybe we can dedicated a few hours of my time to spite an ask. 

Even though the entire argument of “why are you mad if you can’t write a story yourself” is inherently flawed and pointless considering that’s the equivalent of telling me I should chug spoiled milk because I’ve never milked a cow, I’ll fucking step up to the plate here, I’ll put my money where my mouth is. 

So here is Part 1 of your residential Kip approved rewrite of Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity. Or as I like to call it: 

Ok so before I get into it, a couple things I wanna establish. First, I know I just said I’m doing this out of spite, but I’m actually also doing this for fun. I really enjoy and am passionate about the writing process, so if you were looking for an angry rant about how terrible everyone’s opinions are about everything, this isn’t that. I don’t think that I am a better writer than anyone, or than the professionals that made this game, or that I am somehow superior to Nintendo. I am someone with the benefit of hindsight, I don’t have the constraints of producers and mandated directives and executives rubbing their hands in the story to make it more marketable or dumbed down or any of the other chaos that goes into crafting a videogame. So while obviously I think the people involved in this could have done a much better job, this isn’t a bash to say, “look how easy it is to make a story” because there’s a ton of unseen drama that goes into development that I have the luxury of avoiding, and it’s a miracle that any games are coherent and enjoyable in the first place. I’m just a lil Kip doing a fun lil exercise. 

This little series is also not going to be a fanfic. I’m going to be telling the story chronologically as if you were playing for yourself, but it’s going to be from my omniscient perspective because 1) I need to relate the story to the gameplay 2) That would take way too much time to actually make this into a fanfiction as it already takes a hell of a lot of time to even plan out the beats of this rewrite and 3) This is less going to be a telling of a story, and more of a fun little exploration on the Three Act Structure and The Hero’s Journey. In fact, I am going to try and keep the given story of Age of Calamity as intact as possible. 

The general ending is going to be the same, the characters used are going to remain roughly unchanged, (there will be no new characters, or removal of characters) and characters that live or die and where they end up are going to be mostly the same with how the original game is written. I know, I know, we all would love to see the Champions die brutally or to get us that sweet sweet Link angst or to have a game with multiple endings. And even though I personally would change some of those premises in Age of Calamity, I’m going to strive to keep it all as intact as possible, just to prove wrong the misconception that the story was only bad because of the writer’s choices for the general arc. I am a firm believer that biggest weaknesses of this game are in its methods of conveying its story, a problem in the storytelling process, and not (necessarily/only) the story product itself. 

If you want to use any of the ideas that I present, go for it! I release them into the public domain, I have no plans whatsoever to write a fanfic for this myself, in fact I already have my own separate Pre-Botw fic story that I am pouring myself into, so I give the people full permission to take these ideas off of me. 

Alrighty! With all that out of the way, let’s get into:

HERE IS THE VERSION IN A GOOGLE DOC FORM BECAUSE TUMBLR HATES YOU MOBILE PEEPS

Spoilers! Obviously. I’m going to act on the assumption that you know the full story of Age of Calamity to save myself some time, capiche?

Ok so we start out the game roughly the same, with eggbot being chased and forced to time travel into a portal. But, there is going to be some important differences in details. 

We have the part of the scene where Zelda awakens her powers, and at the same time, something else in Hyrule Castle glows with the same aura. However, this glow is not coming from the Princess’ Tower, but instead, the camera pulls back from the fields of Fort Hateno, sweeps over Hyrule (where you can see the Guardians and the sense of destruction and all that) and the camera eventually flies over Castle Town, then within the Castle, weaving through the halls, until the camera stop and focuses on the entrance of a destroyed room, slowly creeping in. It’s a room that’s been demolished, stone rubble from Guardian blasts ruin the floor and cave in from the ceiling, there’s a small fire in the corners of the room, and from the props that you can make out, it seems to look like some study or office of some sort. The room is small, but domed and circular, signifying that it’s of a bit more importance than you might think . The desks and books and all buried beneath this collapsed stone brick. But as the camera focuses on that pile of rocks, from within that rubble, you see that same glowing aura that Zelda has, glowing brighter and brighter until finally out pops, eggbot.

Now, you can have that same sequence within the game where he runs around all cute, the outter wall of the room is broken so eggbot can look outside and see the Calamity’s destruction. Then that cut to Zelda saying “I want to save...everyone,” and this is important because I need the fade in between Zelda’s line and the fade back to eggbot to wordlessly imply that he is hearing these words, something that’s already done pretty well in the original cutscene. Anyhow, then the Guardian Stalker pops from behind, prepares to shoot, and eggbot can escape into its little time portal, and then the malice follows or whatever.  

However, I’m not gonna immediately cut to the title, but instead, we have the music build to eggbot’s little jump in a pretty climactic way. But then the music still lingers slightly, and rests in suspense, camera is still looking out the window where eggbot jumped. It pulls back, turning back into this room that eggbot emerged from. Music is still relatively silent. Then, from the corner, you see some of the fire suddenly catch onto something. Flattened between the rocky rubble, just a few feet where eggbot emerged, is a purple cloak, trimmed with gold, flapping just slightly in the wind. [Said flapping being what causes it to catch] The fire catches, burning through the cloak, and underneath it, is a fallen copy of the Sheikah tapestry of 10k years ago. Camera zooms into that art of the Calamity, music suspends, merge to title card, then the music hits that climax and BOOM, “Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity.” Main Theme plays. Let the opening title roll.

Now the reason I changed this slightly is because 1) I wanted to earlier set up some of the plot points that I have planned for this (some of which you might already guess or maybe not who knows *wink wink*) and 2) I think that the original opening could have been much stronger with its hook. Yes, the element of mystery is established with eggbot’s existence and that element of time travel, but then the opening immediately goes into saying “This is the tale of champions, a diminutive Guardian who traveled backwards through time, and the Great Calamity they faced.” So...you just dampened that hook you established two seconds ago because you explained it all. Sure, it doesn’t completely ruin it, but I think the impact would be much stronger if that text wasn’t there at all, and the music and hype of the tapestry moving and coming alive is all there was. I’d much rather that element of time travel just be explained through the cinematography itself, because you can already understand that perfectly with that scene where you see the portal lead into birds flying around a beautiful Hyrule Castle.

Also, the music in this game is fantastic! So letting moments that really let you soak it in, I think would be very beneficial. So now this scene serves as a much more effective hook before we get into the actual plot. The mystery of eggbot’s identity is heightened and left a bit more unexplained, you have this mysterious circular room that you’ve never seen before, and the set up of details that will eventually serve later revelations in the plot, cough cough. 

Then you hit Chapter 1, Link gameplay, eggbot and the tower, that’s all the same. I got no changes for the story there, it’s a great introduction. However! I know my strength here is writing and I am by no means a game developer or designer, but I need, I absolutely need to add one aspect to the gameplay.

Near the end of the first stage, where there are those three moblins at the end, I want to add something that I’m going to call, a gambit. The game already introduced you to the special meter and “press a to use special attack” thing, but I want Impa and Link to use a gambit to defeat this last horde of moblins. Essentially, you press A to use your special attack, BUT, if another character is in proximity, the attack is even more powerful. Every pair of characters has a special little attack, that does tons of damage, and during said sequence, there are voiced lines, or at the very very least text boxes that comment on it. And with this gambit, while a regular solo special attack still does a lot of damage, I’m gonna nerf it slightly to encourage players to use this gambit feature. 

Now, why did I add this? Because I need to better connect this gameplay to the story on more than an external “lets defeat this and go from point A to point B” type of way. I need something in the gameplay to better serve to the game’s main theme of “teamwork makes the dreamwork” and all that. The CURRENT gameplay, although absolutely fun and fantastic, just doesn’t do this. I need just one element to serve this theme while ALSO having the dual purpose of serving as character interaction. The current structure of Age of Calamity works where the sidequests and battle serve as your character interaction, development, and banter, while the cutscenes serve the main story beats, and important plot revelations. The cutscenes just aren’t crafted to support the weight of these dozens of characters while also giving them all interesting interactions, and that’s fine! So I’m just adding this feature to the gameplay, because being able to customize different lines for different characters for different stages that are voiced will go a long way into making the character development seem more fleshed out. And this gambit feature doesn’t necessarily change the way you play the game drastically, as you can still have four character slots and have them split up to take on the battlefield, but now you can split them off into groups of 2. And also, because I’m not completely blind to game design, the damage percentage boost of these gambit attacks will not increase as much, just slightly lower, than the damage boost of a solo attack when you level up. So what I mean is, when your character is weaker level, you are forced to rely on others in order to defeat your enemies, but, with the way the leveling up percents work, your characters can still reach a point where they can defeat big bosses all on their own without gambits. THAT way, when certain events happen in later chapters, when your character is all leveled up, (and maybe they awaken a sacred power or two) it feels all the more powerful when you can go off on your own. You can feel how your character has grown in strength because you can contrast it with your teamwork gameplay of earlier levels. AND it still highlights the importance of that theme of companionship, because you would never have gotten to this level of strength had you not relied on your friends. 

OK, so the stage 1 ends with a gambit attack, Impa compliments Link’s fighting style or something that shows her admiration or respect for him. And then stage 2 for the Road to the Royal Lab is the same, but gambit dialogue for that stage is Impa complimenting Link, Impa being protective of Zelda, and since this is Zelda’s first playable area, Zelda’s gambit lines can be about kinda brushing Link aside like “I want to capable to hold my own in battle but thank you” to Link (cause I never really got that same “I don’t really like you” vibe that is established in botw for this game) and then to Impa Zelda’s gambit lines can be like “is this thrill what you always feel when battling?” and Impa is like “yeah isn’t it great we should do it more often!” and then you can allude to that with a sidequest for Zelda’s training or something. I just want to better connect sidequest stories with this stuff. And also, gambits are obviously optional so that’s why this is all just banter and character development and not actually plot points, and I’m going to stick with just one-on-one dialogue, although it should be theoretically possible to have gambit boosts of three and four, but I feel that would be too much as I don’t want to ruin the gameplay balance and encourage you to keep all four character slots close together, because splitting them up is an important part of the game. Anyhow!

So Chapter 1 is done, my changes being almost purely in the gameplay because this is the start of the story and the character set up is important. Chapter 1 to Chapter 2 is basically the establishment of the ordinary world, and in the Three Act Structure it’s basically Act 1. Act 1 is all about set up. I need to really focus this chapter on both introducing the player to the mechanics of the game, having them connect to the characters and the characters connect to each other through the gameplay, and I need to establish this tone so that when I rip it away, and change the tone during the threshold, it feels more meaningful and suspenseful. 

As you can see from the diagrams, Act 1 has something called the Inciting Incident. The Inciting Incident is going to be the Yiga attack in Chapter 2, where our heroes first experience the true dangers of their journey, and there is no turning back. BUT I’m getting ahead of myself.

Chapter 2 is also exactly the same. I would literally change nothing about the Champion’s sections (other than my addition of gambit interaction of course) because they’re all pretty great. For the record, yes, evil egg is still a thing, and yes, Zelda and the gang can still discover those pictures of the Calamity in eggbot, yes you beat up Revali, and the Divine Beast sequences are the same. I just really need that gambit dialogue to help establish character relations. Revali quips at Link, Mipha protects him, Daruk is his buddy [I thought a cool gambit attack for Link and Daruk to better show that they are old friends could be them both chewing down on some rocks, before striking an enemy simultaneously. Because they never eat rocks together and I just want this ok] Kohga is the same, Sooga is the same, BUT, for that scene when you first meet Astor in the Yiga base, I need two things to happen. 1) The camera reveal for Astor starts at his cloak, which is intact and NOT tattered like how his design is in game. It’s a deep purple with gold trim, the camera pans up to the back of Astor’s head. Now 2) When the camera moves to look at Astors face, I need him to be standing in front of and staring solemnly at the evil eggbot. He’s frowning, and his eyes suggest something like he’s deep in thought of something in the distant past. That’s how the scene starts, and in the background is Kohga recounting the events of his failure to beat Urbosa and the gang. Then, Kohga can say something funny to annoy him, Astor’s face changes to your classic villain disgust. Then, he can get a bit pissed and go on his little rant about how pathetic the Yiga are and how the Calamity is trapped within the evil eggbot and how he will use his powers to end the Kingdom of Hyrule. Then he can take his little astrolabe and be all “My harbinger, show me the future!” and all that. IMPORTANT LINE CHANGE,  Astor’s motivation here is not “The future, as it will and must be. I will not allow anyone to alter its course.” Instead, I need to tweak it slightly to be, “The future, as it was fated to always be. The pathetic stories and legends of children and false kings cannot waver this course. I will not allow it, for my sake…” camera pans to the broken evil guardian, Astor’s voice lowers just slightly. “...and yours.” The slightest, almost silent bits of the harmonies (not the melody) of the Hwaoc Main Theme play before fully fading back to Astor’s theme. And the final shot of that scene is Astor, looking down at the heap of Sheikah tech, with a neutral expression, but then looking back up at the malice stars, and the future visions of the Calamity. He just ever so slightly smiles. 

[Also I JUST realized that the harbinger is actually slightly above Astor, because it’s supposed to show that the power dynamic is really Calamity Ganon is in control, so ignore the “looking down” parts I talked about, and just think in the broad direction of Astor looks at the guardian, and then looks further up at the ceiling with the Calamity and the future and then he smiles]

For that scene, I also need to remove any characterization where Astor is laughing and being joyous at the impending destruction, I only need that smile at the end. There is no villainous cartoon laughter, at least, not yet. Also the part where Sooga calls Astor a fool for thinking he can control the Calamity is GREAT I need that, that absolutely needs to stay in.

And then Chapter 2 closes off with that Yiga ambush. That’s the inciting incident, so I need the tone at the end to be slightly different. Instead of ending on that cute little thing where eggbot points angrily at Link, (like that part can still EXIST in there BUT) I need it to end on a more serious note. 

Referring back to the Hero’s Journey, the Call to Adventure is the parts of each of the Champion’s recruitment. They each have their initial reasons for joining the fight, whether to protect their people, to feel validated for their skill, to get closer to the ones they love etc etc that’s all established in their respective stages.

This Yiga stage, however, serves as the official barrier between Act 1 and Act 2, the threshold between the known world and the unknown world, where the heroes prepare to seek out the obstacle that stands in the way of their goal. It’s important that this threshold establishes a sense of urgency, because that better gets you invested in the stakes, and helps the story's momentum to move forward. IT shows that the journey and adventure that these characters want/need to take is outside the safety of their home/known world.

In the original game, the threshold ends with that cute scene of eggbot and Zelda and Link and the Zelink vibes. That’s not bad, but it’s also not good. The momentum towards the later confrontation in Korok forest needs to feel more important, because this is a major turning point in the story. SO, I am going to add one more scene at the end. It’s just after the ambush, after the fires have died down, and Zelda (and in the back the Champions) discussing the events with the King. I want King Rhoam to a few things. First, I need him to kinda berate the Champions for falling for the Yiga’s “splitting them up trick” and leaving his daughter vulnerable. This 1) establishes doubt within the party, which makes for better uncertainty for the future and later internal conflict. This was supposed to be the dream team but the King is already kinda telling them off. 2) This also still characterizes the King as someone who cares for his daughter’s safety. That care for his daughters safety is layered in the subtext of him saying something like “Your priority must be to protect the only person capable of sealing the Calamity. You were so concerned with victory and glory in battle that you forgot that the fate of this kingdom lies on my daughter’s survival.” and blah blah blah. The King can also congratulate Link for keeping Zelda safe, and this is GREAT because that can add further to Zelda’s slight resentment for him, as he’s getting the approval from the King that she has yet to receive. But like overall the King is like “don’t leave my daughter alone cause she almost got killed if it weren’t for Link wtf.” and then that can also be a further excuse to hurry to korok forest to find the wielder of the sword so that they can better protect “not just the Princess, but the entire world,” something something fancy kingly dialogue. 

Also when the Champions leave THIS can also be the time where Zelda gives that Sheikah device thingy to Rhoam and also where he sees eggbot. I know that happens a bit later, but for pacing purposes and for the sake of the story changes that I made, it better serves to place it here. That interaction itself can stay mostly the same as it is in the game.

So now, the threshold ends with a bit more tension. The Champion squad is powerful, but also has flaws in how they were split up by the Yiga, (cough cough I wonder if that serves the themes of the game in some way cough cough) and it’s not just “smooth sailing” into the search for the Master Sword, and the stakes are a bit rocky as we finally enter into the story’s Act 2.

= = = = = 

And that’s Part 1 of my rewrite. Not really a lot, cause again this is mainly character set up, and establishing stuff, but personally I think it’s already a bit stronger than how Age of Calamity did it. Stay tuned for Part 2 either tonight or tomorrow, mwahaha. 

Predict the future if you can...

#yes that is a allude to Nando v Movies #hwaoc spoilers #Hwaoc: The Kip Cut #honestly not TOO much rewritten for the First Act because the First Act is actually one of the strongest and best written parts of the game #hwaoc #age of calamity #hw age of calamity #hyrule warriors age of calamity

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Some thoughts about SteveBucky (and why it was deliberate in the CATFA and CATWS narrative)

As you might know, nowadays my approach to the MCU canon is pretty much on the lines of, the movies are Kevin Feige’s shitty fanfiction of a concept that could have been good and was attempted at intervals at the beginning at various levels but not executed, and the story and the characters are just suggestions I can play with in my mental sandbox.

But occasionally I like to listen to the Captain America: The Winter Soldier soundtrack to remember how it felt to be in love with that movie, and today that got me in the kind of mood where I am actually convinced that bisexual Steve and SteveBucky as a romantic dynamic were in fact written deliberately into the narrative, or, better, are structural elements of the narrative, because the emotional narrative is structurally made of parallels between the relationship between Steve and Peggy - the relationship of the past - and the relationship between Steve and Bucky - the relationship of the future - and it’s all too architectural in the narrative to not be deliberate.

In particular today I’ve been thinking about pictures. There’s the obvious parallel between the way the 40s story in CATFA and the body of CATWS end, one with Peggy looking at a picture of Steve before his transformation from a SSR file, while Howard tries to help by going looking for Steve, one with Steve looking at a picture of Bucky before his transformation from a Hydra file, while Sam offers to help go looking for him. But I’ve also been thinking about the scene in the Smithsonian in CATWS, and what the infamous picture of Peggy in the compass was about in that scene.

We assume that the compass was the only relevant object Steve had on himself when he crashed the plane and this was found; someone from Shield must have been, here we found this on you, take it back. Basically, it’s Steve’s only belonging in his new life. But here’s the irony: it’s a picture of a person (the only person of Steve’s smallest circle of people close to him) who is actually still alive.

The movie juxtaposes Steve’s visit to Peggy, alive and changed by time, to Steve’s visit to the secular altar to Bucky in the exhibition, crystallized in the past. It’s in fact an interesting detail that, in the museum scene, we only see pictures or wordless footage of Bucky, while we see footage of Peggy where she speaks; she has a voice in both the museum and real life, while Bucky doesn’t have a voice--we literally meet him masked and muted. (Peggy’s responsibility in what happened to Bucky, as the director of the organization Hydra flourished as a parasite of, is a potential the third Captain America movie could have tapped into, if they’d actually decided to make a third Captain America movie. RIP Captain America 3, we’ll never forget you. But this is is not relevant to this post.)

So, Peggy has lived - she has grown older, she physically carries the signs of the time she’s lived through, and even the footage in the museum shows her slightly older than we left her in the first movie, and in color, a deliberate emphasis that the footage was taken later than the time Steve left; Bucky, on the other hand, is unchanged, both in the museum and in real life. In the museum, assumed dead, he’s “frozen” in images from the past (in black and white); in real life, he’s literally been frozen to the point he’s not aged much.

Steve carries a black and white picture of Peggy with him, inside his compass, and the scene compares it with the footage - from a later time, in color, in motion, where Peggy has a voice. That Peggy from the compass is dead to Steve, and he mourns her just like he mourns the man whose black and white images are shown at the museum.

Except that the picture in the compass is something he can mourn privately; it’s, as we said, his only belonging. In fact, it’s ironic that he now has a picture of Peggy, and no one else. In the first movie, we see why: Steve and the Howling Commandoes went on missions on the frontlines of the war, Peggy belonged with the strategic command of the army. So Steve would keep a picture of her to remember her by as they were apart - it would make no sense for him to keep a picture of Bucky, because Bucky was there with him. It’s ironic because Bucky sees the picture and is jealous, but the point is that Steve doesn’t need a picture to remember him by when they’re together.

Of course, Bucky’s presumed death parts them. And Steve finds himself with no pictures of Bucky with him, and needs to visit the museum to mourn him in front of images of him. And this is an interesting point because Steve can mourn past Peggy privately - as he owns the compass with her picture, something that belongs to him and no one else has access to - but he cannot mourn Bucky privately, because he owns no object that connect him to Bucky, so he needs to go to a public place to be able to see an image of him.

In order to mourn Bucky properly, in front of a memorial of him, he is forced to do it in a place that not only is public, but is actually a place where his personal history is treated like a museum curiosity to put on display for everyone to consume.

There’s something deeply poignant in the fact that he hides, that he pretends to be someone else, in order to mourn his deceased male companion - the scene emphasizes that Steve does not want to be recognized, and the metaphor of him hiding his real identity to have an emotional moment regarding Bucky is not so subtle. (Yes, there is material of Peggy in the Smithsonian scene but the scene contains Steve’s visit to Bucky in parallel to Steve’s visit to Peggy in person, so I feel authorized to read the scene as mostly a visit to Bucky, especially since at the end of the movie Bucky also visits his own memorial there, emphasizing the cruciality of that picture in the narrative.)

In fact, the whole hidden identity to visit Bucky thing is not accidental because later, when he needs to confront Bucky, he steals his old uniform from the same exhibition: before finding out about Bucky, he wears incognito clothes to hide his identity, after finding out about Bucky, he reclaims a powerful sign of that identity - the uniform he wore when he fought alongside Bucky - basically breaking it out of the closet. It’s not a coincidence that earlier in the movie he wears a monochrome uniform meant to be unseen, either: the movie plays a lot on secrecy and openness regarding Steve’s identity, and the pivotal element in this narrative is Bucky. Steve reclaims his identity in parallel to trying to give Bucky’s identity back to him. It is a movie about identity and closets after all.

To go back to something I mentioned earlier, you have the contrast of the black-and-white picture of Peggy in the compass with the in-color, speaking, living Peggy; and that contrast highlights the deep difference between the two, because Peggy has lived a long life and grown older and changed. And then you have the contrast between the black-and-white picture of Bucky in the museum with the living Bucky, and in this case the parallel shows how little Bucky has actually been allowed to change, he’s been frozen in time, allowed no voice, allowed no change, no motion.

Steve, unlike Peggy, hasn’t gotten to live his life, but has been frozen in time, like Bucky. Shared life experience and all that jazz...

These fuckers (writers? directors? I don’t know) had the idea of writing two love interests for the titular character and framing the m/f relationship as the relationship of the past, and the m/m relationship as the relationship of the future, as one does, and built the emotional narrative on parallels between the two, and everything was fun and games until Disney Marvel ruined it all because they realized, I suppose. I mean, no, not everything was fun and games because things could have been written a lot better especially in regards of *gasp* female characters, that rarely work in the hands of misogynistic writers, but the two movies, with varying degrees of success, did something interesting (the theme of masculinity in CATFA is so fascinating) that was nice as long as it lasted. At least I’ll be thinking this until I get enraged at some shit they said and change my mind again. #saladforbucky

As always you’re welcome to share thoughts, questions, comments, whatever.

#my mcu thoughts #catfa #catws #steve x peggy #steve x bucky #stucky #stevebucky #idek #mcu