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employee052 · 1 month

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ozzies long-ass TSP ramble

For context, a few days ago i was in a thinky mood when i watched this video on Valve catwalks. it mentioned death of the author, and while ive heard of it, I didnt understand what it meant until after the video explained it. So i got thinking. the following was a series of messages I sent to my friends on a discord server im in (with the exception of the last part bc i just thought of it now even tho im sick) that i compiled for yall into sections so its easier to read. these are just my thoughts and could be totally wrong, i just wanted to share aksjdh :P (plus this is my second time im posting this so there might be some inconsistencies)

(ramble under the cut so yall dont get a massive wave of text on your dash)

"smth smth death of the author smth smth reviews smth smth interpretations smth smth skip button"

like idk if this was obvious to everyone else n im just finally getting it or not, but the skip button ending being about the narrator seeing the negative reviews causing him to create the button in order to appease them, which said reviews ended up making him believe he was being preachy and obnoxious and unfunny, but as a result, he ends up believing it and trying to appease those interpretations rather than be more confident of his dialogue and what it means to him(whatever he may believe) and ending up dying at the end bc of it being a kind of literal version a death of an author of sorts

---

im just thinking about how timekeeper/settings person/432/whatever is really only interested in the player, but not stanley himself. and if the narrator ends up dying (or decaying at least in my interpretation) during the skip button, could the same be said about stanley as a character as well?

like we never see stanleys model as us, we dont see his feet when we look down, and the only time we see him in game is either as a hand during the bucket escape pod ending, the mariella endings, and the not stanley ending. and the last two are cutscenes. for all we know, stanley could have died at some point during the skip button after the narrator did and we would never know bc we cant see him

but since 432's desk being at the end of the epilogue which happens post skip button ending, i would have said that was the first time we ever see him interact with the game internally rather than asking for the time. but i do remember someone suggesting that the timekeeper was the one who removed the door in the skip button in order to kill the narrator off and get stanley/the player away from him in order to talk more

with that thought in mind, that would mean TK had to kill stanley and the narrator off in order to be able to lead the game, push beyond the barriers of a narrator and character and just talk to the player, one on one

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it makes me wonder if what the curator said in the museum ending holds more weight

like, she talks to the player as well. both she and TK talk to the player themselves instead of stanley the character. and when she says "When every path you can walk has been created for you long in advance, death becomes meaningless, making life the same. Do you see now? Do you see that Stanley was already dead from the moment he hit start?"

stanley's function is a character in the narrators story, a literary device to propel the game forward. the narrator makes the race track, and stanley drives. without the narrator where would stanley go or do, without stanley who would move the story along?

"Can you see? Can you see how much they need one another? No, perhaps not. Sometimes these things cannot be seen."

and yet, hes dead, just like the curator said. because no matter what, he's never going to be able to truly make his own decisions. the confusion ending lays out how all the endings are scripted despite what the narrator believes and acts, its all predetermined.

and in a sense, the narrators dead too. no matter what stanley tries to do to change the story, or the narrator changes to the game in order for stanley to react to, its been planned long in advance for the eventuality. every word, every event. and with stanley's deaths, it ends up just bringing them back to the beginning again, "What exactly did the Narrator think he was going to accomplish?" if they always come back to the same preplanned paths, to the illusion of free will, it doesnt matter regardless. death doesnt become a statement, it becomes an inconvenience.

"But listen to me, you can still save these two. You can stop the program before they both fail. Push escape, and press quit. There's no other way to beat this game. As long as you move forward, you'll be walking someone else's path. Stop now, and it'll be your only true choice."

The only way to save both Stanley and The Narrator is by not letting the story play out to begin with. To beat the game, which means to let the game end after you win.

and yet,

the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is never the end is neve-

In a game where there is no ending that stops the game in its entirety, where everything will keep on happening again and again and the end is never the end, the only way to beat it is to make a choice as yourself the player, not stanley the character.

because he doesnt get a choice, the narrator doesnt get a choice. they think they do, but they dont. the only way to beat the game is to not play it. (which makes sense given that there are achievements involving not playing the game in both the 2013 HD remaster and 2022 Ultra Deluxe)

both Stanley and The Narrator are two sides of the same coin that make up The Stanley Parable, and the only way to use the coin is to give it away.

maybe thats why the true ending of the game with credits and stuff like that, is the Not Stanley Ending.

You the player have successfully broken the fourth wall from the outside in, even though that ending was planned like all the others (ie, the game allowing you to disconect the phone), you break the illusion of being stanley the character, which the game ends up booting you out of stanley as it cant handle the "narrative contradiction".

maybe thats why the escape pod ending has the sign that reads "both the player and the narrator must be present in order to leave". its not stanley, its the player, us.

maybe thats why that ending is one of the most cruel. the only way to get there is to leave the narrator trapped in the boss' office. there's no way to get him to the escape pod. the end is never the end.

---

(this part was the new idea i just had today so this might not make sense i appologize)

going back to the beginning of this ramble about the death of the author and such. perhaps there is a way to get the narrator out.

with thoughts about interpretations and with he idea of the "death of the author", all of us have our own interpretations of the TSP characters. whether its design, or relationship wise, or characterization, or what have you. The Narrator in my head is different from you reading this, and that narrator is different from another persons perspective, and definitely our narrators are different to the one that lives in Davey Wreden's head, or Kevan Brighting, or anyone who has even heard of the stanley parable.

and that's not a bad thing! there can be many similarities to the characters that our interpretations share, some more common than others and some that make no sense at all, but for the most part we all have different interpretations of the characters.

I read a book called Book Simulator (The Reader's guide to not reading) by Chris Yee on stream once. The VOD is gone now. But I discovered the book because I heard the guy writing/the narrator of sorts for the book was written like the Stanley Parable Narrator.

It didnt help that Kevan brighting voiced over the commercial for it too askjdh

but back to the book. this will contain somewhat spoilers for it since it brings up a moment at the end of the book so feel free to stop here if you dont want to be spoiled

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basically, in Book Simulator, Booksi (The book's instructional narrator on how to fake read at the start of the book) is arguing with The Narrator (no not ours, but the general narrator who speaks in the third person), however, its revealed by The Narrator that Booksi has a plan to take over the world by inhabiting more book simulators and distributing them across the world. But, the reader could kill off the booksi that they have in their hands that they are reading, to quote:

"Or was he the original Booksi? Maybe not. Maybe the original Booksi had been vanquished long ago, and the reader was now facing one of the many copies roaming the world. Both Booksi and the Narrator knew the answer to this question, but neither would reveal the truth."

---

Taking from Book Simulator the concept of multiple iterations of one character existing in different copies of the media they originate from, maybe in a way that's how the Narrator may die in the stanley parable, forever stuck to repeat the same endings with the illusion of free will, but he lives on somewhat for everyone that has seen or heard of him in any capacity.

this may sound a bit preachy (oh the irony) but bare with me:

The Original Narrator from The Stanley Parable is dead, dead in the sense that he and Stanley are stuck within the game, given the illusion of free choice, and unable to leave nor do anything to try and escape, is also alive in the sense that we the players perception of The Narrator lives on in our minds.

The Narrator from the game might be stuck, but the Narrator i see in my head, the one i designed and draw and think of is perfectly fine and alive as ever.

and the same goes with you and anyone else who has heard of the narrator. their interpretation is still unique and different to them even if it all comes from the same media. he may not be exactly the same as the original, but hes still there. and in a way, hes free.

(man typing this last segment down makes me feel like a gd priest, and/or someone talking abt the barbie movie akjdhkjasdh so sorry if doesnt make sense at all :P)

#ozzies tsp rambles #ozzie rambles #tsp #tspud #the stanley parable #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #stanley parable #tsp narrator #tspud narrator #tsp stanley #tspud stanley #tspud timekeeper #tsp curator #tspud curator

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iheartmoons · 10 months

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would you perhaps have nobleflower headcanons you could share with the world?

omg i have to think hard and use all my brain juices:

(some of these are for different AUs)

cissa's favourite colour is lilac, and alice's is yellow or orange.

cissa is taller than alice.

they're both on the quidditch team and are rivals.

narcissa doesn't paint her nails but takes care of them (idk? im not a nail person? but she files them and shit) and alice is so fucking bad at nails but she tries to paint them bright colours.

alice wears cute lil clips in her hair and cissa thinks its adorbs. also works the other way around :))

alice is genuinely narcissa's favourite person in the world - after andy left yk

ummm narcissa's favourite ice cream flavour is strawberry/something fruity or some really strange, niche thing, and alice's is chocolate.

alice enjoys wearing funky socks with different patterns - narcissa just wears white socks probably, the cute ones with the designs and frills

narcissa always wishes she fit in with her family, and alice loves how different she is appearance-wise to the blacks

narcissa's favourite subject would be something like chemistry, and alice's is art/smth creative, or sports.

narcissa wears silver, alice wears gold

narcissa is so fucking awkward with kids when she's younger, but alice is so so good. she gets asked to babysit all the kids at family functions.

there are probably so many more but i've got to seriously think abt this :))

#thank you for the ask elysia!!! <3 #sorry it took so long to respond :(#nobleflower #narcissa black #alice fortescue #the marauders #nobleflower headcanons #alice x narcissa #narcissa x alice

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landwriter · 1 year

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Saw some anon's headcannon about how Dream probably threatened a bunch of gods to make sure Orpheus was born healthy. What's your take on it? I personally love protective dad Dream and he IS overprotective, but in comics(I'm not sure if you've read them so I'm not gonna spoil anything) he always puts his function before his loved ones, and I don't know if he'd risk future diplomatic interactions or smth. What do you think?

the ask in question answered by @softest-punk.

Dream, as The Corinthian says, is ‘more than a god’ - he is apparently older and greater than gods - so I feel a bit, I don’t know, no threats or bribing needed. More sort of showing up, pointedly. His attention and presence is enough. I imagine Calliope, with her place among the Greek gods and goddesses, probably had healthy birth and blessings etc. pretty well covered, but I do see Dream as a fretting father-to-be. I imagine after the first few times showing up at whatever the supernatural equivalent is of the produce section of the neighbourhood grocery store just to aggressively lock eyes with any of the local deities whose functions concerned with Having Good Babies, Calliope probably got word and told him to cut it out. But he would fret, surely. He would. He is very, very ancient and as far as I know this is the first and only time he fathers a child.

He and by extension his realm must become shaped, in some ways, to his concern - he is the vessel of the entire unconsciousness, and I can see him, perhaps, during the first few months, going to Lucienne in a panic, after paying special attention to pregnant Dreamers - all those waking fears and hopes are already so complex! so wild! imagine if your only perception of them was those feelings too great and strange to be articulated while awake. “Can human children really come out as. A dozen frogs.” “No, my lord.” - “Is it true that if the unborn child is discontent, he will crawl out the mother’s mouth?” “No, my lord.” - “Lucienne, are you positive a child cannot stay in the womb forever? This is a surpassing frequent subject in the dreams of pregnant beings.” “Yes, my lord.”

The thing is, Dream does seem like he’d be rather the old-fashioned type about this, who would prefer to know nothing at all since he is Lord of Dreams, etc, etc, and has higher things to attend to, but the problem is he can’t really avoid the concept of it, so he is at once attempting to be distant and removed as usual, while having, on-tap, every single positive and negative feeling, every single great and horrific story, about pregnancy, about childbirth, about being a father.

I imagine, later in the pregnancy, his focus turns to dreams of children growing up, and who they become. I think he speaks to no one about this, but watches, over and over, the nightmares of parents whose children are born healthy, beautiful, and strong, whose children have great fates - as his surely will - and whose children disobey them, or fall in battle, or turn out to be cruel. I imagine he is haunted by stories of sons and their fathers. He will do better. He must. And all of it gets stored up and creates a feeling and a fear so great that it comes out the way it always does with parents: trying to exert agency over their child, and thus alienating them.

I think Dream, as a result of his function - not in spite of it - was fully unable to be At All Normal about both his imminent and then actual fatherhood. I think he must have had an eternity’s worth of hopes and expectations for his first son. I think that, among many reasons, is why Orpheus was his only son. I think whatever fears he has for subsequent romantic and intimate relationships, so well-represented in fanfic, would be leagues worse concerning the prospect of another child. I think whatever terrible lover and partner he thinks himself to be, he thinks far worse of his parenting. When your own stubbornness, your own propensity for Big Feelings, your own quickness to isolate yourself in grief - when these traits are carried on in your child, whether you recognize it at the time or not, and then Orpheus’ fate the result - how could he not? (But, of course, he does not blame Calliope for giving him her talent in music, or her fairness. So it goes.)

In the years after, he must have thought often on his old fears for Orpheus’ safe birth. How quaint his worries then would seem to him. A safe birth, when he could have been praying for a safe life.

[for reference - I haven't read the comics but I have seen Some Of The Panels Concerning Orpheus and the Orpheus Sandman wiki. One day I will set aside an entire day to weep and wail and gnash my teeth about the fact that was the task Dream mentioned to Hob, the task that Lady Johanna Constantine performed so 'admirably'. One day, I will set aside an entire day to think about how differently that conversation could have gone.]

#the sandman #dream of the endless #(m)orpheus #meta #an essay #i love getting meta asks #but there's something delightfully silly about getting meta asks about non-tv show elements when i am a tv pleb #and i am just whipping around in a dark room guessing shit #was the pregnancy covered in the comix?#was dream's reaction to baby orpheus?#was apollo's gift of the lyre?#what about orpheus as a surly teen #WHO KNOWS - many ppl but NOT ME #but will i still talk about it #you betcha buds #you will all know when i have read the comics because i will start producing angst and fix-it and canon divergence fics at an alarming rate

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the-eldritch-it-gay · 6 months

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2, 4, 14 & 17 for majexatli if you would like :)

2: What is your character's alignment?

That's tough to answer one because Majexatli's complicated and 2 because I'm bad at alignments lmao. I think I originally pegged them as chaotic good, but recently I've put them more as neutral good.

Because, they are good, at least mostly. They are altruistic and help people and such. They definitely have some... not entirely great habits, wrt to killing and such, but in general they're pretty good.

The lawful-chaotic part is more complicated. They aren't entirely bound by things like moral codes or honor or laws, they do have their own moral code and rules they follow, but they aren't something they entirely follow or are solid. And while they are somewhat aligned with freedom and choice and such, they really actually aren't one for individualism--despite their living in near isolation for 20 years or so.

So I think that probably puts them in the neutral good zone. They strive for helping others, doing good, making the world a kinder place. But while they have a moral code and rules they follow, they don't fully adhere to them nor are their morals set in stone. And while they value freedom over structure, they don't believe in individualism.

4: If your Tav was a companion, where would they be found?

You know. I have 2 ideas of where they could be. One would be in the forest area outside of the Blighted Village, somewhere in the vicinity of the owlbear den. Given their history of where they've lived and their being a Druid, they would likely if left to their devices, head to somewhere with a familiar landscape (for them, that would be either grassland or forest). I imagine recruiting them would start with the player's party being ambushed by a wolf or smth similar (Majexatli in wildshape).

The OTHER idea of where they might be found and recruited would be on the Risen Road. Specifically around all the gnolls and hyenas and the carnage there, perhaps being seen first as a wolf or hyena feasting on a gnoll or infected hyena. When the party approaches, there's a brief standoff and Majexatli (in wildshape) eventually retreats and runs off, which if the player attempts to follow, they instead end up dealing with the encounter of the hyenas infected with Yeenoghu's Hunger and the gnolls there, and partway into the combat, Majexatli (out of wildshape) appears and helps the player in the fight. There would be some hints that Majexatli was the animal they first saw, perhaps some blood around their mouth or one their teeth among other things. Set up a nice intrigue into their personal quest.

(Yeenoghu and Malar are somewhat similar in my mind, what with both being chaotic evil bestial deities, and about destruction, death, and animalistic violence. Plus in my fic with Majexatli and Wyll, they themselves liken themselves to the infected hyenas and the gnolls)

14: What hobbies does your Tav have?

I'm not sure if it counts as a hobby, but they're very much into herbalism and alchemy and spends a lot of time in their own studies of it. Potions, poisons, medicines, interesting substances, they'll make anything and try to make their own new concoctions. Related to this is both foraging (collecting mushrooms, flowers, plants, herbs, etc) and cooking (they're a very good cook, though it's not something they do as often as their usual alchemy and herbalism).

I'm also not sure if hunting counts as a hobby, but it is something they do in their free time. Sometimes hunting to eat while in wildshape. Other times just practicing tracking.

I think they also really enjoy like, sewing and working with leather/fur/cloth and making/altering clothes or armor. And making their own dyes for leathers and cloth. And embroidering and beading, they really love making things and have a particular soft spot for making more ornamental/ornate/detailed things instead of just doing run of the mill functional practical stuff.

17: Do they enjoy life as an adventurer?

Answered here!

#eldritch it speaks #eldritch it answers #salam plays bg3 #oc: majexatli

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sybaritick · 3 months

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thinking again about my resplendently bad resist!Durge/Gortash modern AU concept i thought up a month back

resist!durge is still an amnesiac without memories of his past life and gets a shit job at an amazon warehouse or smth (meeting the others in the gang especially astarion and wyll who would absolutely be a side couple in this). wyll is a leftist organizer leading a unionization effort there but they have to keep it on the dl to avoid retaliation and durge starts helping out with it more and more, volunteering his time, helping organize, becoming friends with wyll (and astarion, who has reluctantly been dragged into this too at the promise of better pay and better hours but also because he's a little into wyll.)

gortash is, obviously, the big boss (tm) who they all absolutely hate and i'm sure manages multiple locations and therefore barely even shows up to this one. but then at some point, months into this, he sees durge. and he's like. oh my god. it's you. we thought you were dead!!... you dont remember everything? down to when we were roommates back in business school a decade ago... how we had the same management consulting internship back then too! anyway youve dropped off the face of the earth for 6 months but if you come back to mckinsey there will be a job for you i swear it.

durge, as well as wyll and astarion, who are all finding this out about his past for the first time: 👁️ 👁️

gortash invites durge on a date, of course, all "remember we dated before 🥺 anyway i will help you remember everything."

and durge decides... fuck this guy, but i think i can this can be a way to get some Information that would help wyll and astarion. perhaps even gain leverage over him in some way.

so of course durge pretends to be glad to be back and gortash is so obviously trying to win him over w money and power. take him out on a very nice dinner date to Help Him Remember and confirms yes. they dated before. they were *together* before durge's tragic disappearance. this makes durge So Uncomfortable. THIS guy? and his job was like THAT?

but then like, on the date, as gortash explains what they were... he totally starts to realize why. he was *good* at this! perhaps, as said in that meme, he worked on the AI for the robots that beat the workers when they faint or what have you. but like. he realized he loved it. he loved understanding how neural networks function... he loved training the models and coming back in the morning to see the improvements... loved the underlying math, more than anything. he was a statistical analysis geek. dude was a *savant*!!! and he used those powers for *tremendous evil!* AI to learn the optimal schedule of wins and losses for each individual to keep them spending money they don't have at casinos! helping security cams automatically identify people the police wanted to arrest! and, of course, whatever he did at this evil corporation to preempt and prevent unionization. the exact plan that he is now trying to foil. his doing all along. :)

gortash shows him some very basics of the things he did like [shows gradient descent formulas] is this your card? and durge is like. eyes tracing the bullshit little greek letters for partial derivatives from the multivar class he took at age 17 and hes like. oh. i might not remember what i did with it. but god i remember this like i remember how to speak.

#cal txt #bg3 #fandom #durgetash

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kurjakani · 1 year

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Hiii! I was wondering if you’re still into cyberpunk if you could give us (mainly me) some more Dum Dum/ Royce hcs I love the way you interpret them 💛 just go off the rails plz

I am DEEPLY into dummybaby still even tho its been a while since i played cyberpunk 2077.. the tech stuff is cool in a lot of places but the only ppl who rllly wet my appetite for scifi humanity r the maelstrom and the little hints we get about how they function.. Im not like. adept w any technology i can barely keep my comp 2gether so i dont quite understand it, but the part about Maelstrom bodies or brains somehow amplifying music in Totentanz? Made me d r o o l

ANYWAYS im not gonna talk abt te canonical stuff i barely remember it i need 2 refreshen my brain abt it but ill give. u a quick reminder of how i visualize/characterize Dum dum mostly but ill also give some royce stuff and then ill just go ham w some headcanons abt their basic life.

2 me as like, one of the CHillest maelstrom, which, isnt saying a lot, but 2 me (maybe as an adhd person who experiences the same and mayyy be reflecting a bit teehee) hes someone whos experiencing some level of understimulation who gets over it w extremity.

I usually imagine ngl that its caused by being so overstimulated by an extreme enviroment for his whole life (i mean. night city yk?) that he needs constant punching to get through life. this makes for a vERY hollow feeling life for him but 2 me.

Royces chaos kinda enhances it for him 2 some kinda point of like. purpose? Almost? which is why he seems 2 have at least. like some mild genuine respect & dedication to him. yipee yk.

Royce is just batshit and he loves his music and is the exact opposite he seems 2 be full of energy and so on. Royce is hyped Dum dum is exhausted but seeking smth that feels real and alive and exeptional.

2 me. we get so little abt their personalities in game PLEASE leave me alone this is ENTIRELY speculation and reflective.

anyways yeah just some random stuff!!!!

bc of that i kinda like to think that they r both. unwell sleepers if that makes sense? Dont sleep enough. Royce sleeps naturally very little and dum dum keeps up w him. We doo see dum dum usually just hanging about, lounging, I can totally imagine him taking mininaps constantly, eyes flickering from time to time, head nodding. Snapping 2 awakenness suddenly when Royce starts speaking again.

ive looked at some rotations of dum dums model and some of his bodymods are DEFINETLY more just aesthetic than functional.. at LEAST his upper lip rings. Those r trditional piercings. Probably also is chin metal n much of the stuff around his mouth. Again im not technically adept and Idk what the designers were going for, but I'd love to think that also the cored part around his neck, where they've just taken a part around his spine and replaced it w a dent of metal, is fully appearences, just bc its so extreme and interesting. He likes his bodymods he enjoys the process!!!! Perhaps he even enjoys the care that goes into them, bodymods that heavy must require a lot of care.

I dont. think he has tattoos in his final design right? og dumdum had the tats? Though i do love to think that he got tattoos when he was younger but most of them have just gone through being torn apart by his later bodymodifications. Maybe he has some shitty stick & pokes somewhere thatd be cute. bonding w the boys.

he mentions he likes classic rock music- tbh i kinda love 2 imagine that hed also enjoy old movies/shows? classics enjoyer. i knoww they have like those brainfilms n shit but its rly hard for me to imagine film going out of style fully, just like books havent fully gone out of style bc movies exist. i dont remember if movies r much mentioned in the game though. STILL yeah I bet hed like some horror movies... He would 1000% watch texas chainsaw massacre etc, and movies from our day as classics. Midsommar w / dum dum sounds like a nightmare.

Secretly dumdums a lil interested in philosophy. He kinda dismisses stuff like that but he does have a secret admiration for the world and thoughts. This comes out particularly bc Royce has some weird ideas.

I think he must be running warm most of the time.... My friend asked me if i think his metal parts get cold enough for your tongue to get stuck and yeah thatd be funny he prolly hates cold weather and needs 2 wear a balaklava when its wintery outside so his metal parts dont freeze his face.

seeks purpose but u might not realize it bc hes made chaos his purpose

Litcherally never prolly thinks about cyberpsychosis. if e does, maybe he even wishes for it in some way? in a self destructive sense. Royce is more likely to experience it faster, though which i imagine would be a big blow 2 dumdum

Has a lot of CASUAL friends in the maelstrom but it never gets fully to the level of found family/genuine friends. Yes they have a lot in common, yes he spends all his time w them, but it often feels surface level to him, and "unreal". Hes found a more profound connection in Royce, but i feel like his admiration is a little one sided, and that he realizes it? But is like. whatever this is still nice.

dehydrated, forgets to eat and eats like shit when he does eat. Loves carbs and sugars. Possibly caues some of his exhaustion.

He kinda plays up his emotional outbursts!!!! He isnt that angry. He does it to assert dominance in a very outbursty enviroment. If he was in a chiller enviroment you could actually mess w him quite a lot and hed just laugh and mess back w you.

BOTTHH of their eyes can flicker 2 the beat of music like those old computer apps that played music and had some kinda visual indicator of the rythm. fuck w them

Dum dum prolly drives some kinda rly shitty van most of the time, just bc hes usually hanging out w so many people. Big driver in general!!! Not like a car/bike person but enjoys sitting at the wheel and feeling out how the car runs. usually a p good driver but sometimes he gets too focused on getting some adrenaline and becomes a bit of a mess of a driver.

#perhamps i reflect my own experiences on him a LITTLE too much but alas LMFAO #seeking. something. always #he means the world to me hes my beautiful man and i just got him in mudae on a server #yipee #dum dum #ask #anon #U TOLD ME TO GO OFF #LEAVE ME ALONE I LOVE HIM

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loving-n0t-heyting · 2 years

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Why does it inspire this ineliminable little spasm of terror whenever I hear ppl decry “cops” as a class? And cannot criticise any other profession except by suggesting they are cops by analogy? Seems a bad fit with my politics! I, too, hate law and order jagoffs, and wish they would explode. So I don’t think it’s a fear of the criminality police departments are supposed to mitigate

Might it be that “cop abolitionism” is either a dubious reformist negotiation tactic or a not merely unworkable but fundamentally ambiguous and conceptually elusive utopian pipe dream? Maybe that’s true, but that is no reason for fear. And accordingly I’m not really spooked by, say, similarly vague sloganeering about “prison abolition”

Is it that plenty of the ppl to have patiently instructed me in terror and self-loathing would invoke “ACAB” with a kind of religious fervour. Well again sure that’s the case but they also spoke English and drank water. There needs to be smth more to make sense of the fear

Perhaps the best explanation is this. When such ppl remind me that all cops are bastards, they are not merely denouncing the opposition but defining themselves out of it: whatever powers they wield and summon abd permit, those must not be “cops”—even when, say, they are local state and federal law enforcement agencies! It is, functionally, a prelude to subjugation. When they talk about their fervent unironic unhyperbolic desire to massacre classes of ppl to whom I plausibly belong, that can’t be policing! That can’t be lynching! Are you really having trouble understanding the legitimacy of the anxiety that drives bougie shits to tell the cops on you for walking strange? Don’t yk that when a 19yo commits suicide when facing decades in federal prison bc they slept with another teenager that’s just facing the consequences of your actions? Don’t yk that doxxing some miserable edgelord chud for having stupid (and completely ineffectual) internet politics so you can encourage ppl to douse them with fake spiders to trigger their arachnophobia is just uhhhh, self defence?

And [redacted]? [redacted]? How did this contradiction (“contradiction”) never even fucking register?? (Tho ofc it is not really a contradiction: it is an addendum to constrain the interpretation of their original terms, which relies precisely on its not being inconsistent with the earlier formulation under that intended interpretation. They are not rejecting or negating what they said before but clarifying it.)

I’ve had to learn that this isn’t everyone who memes about 1213. #NotAllAcabs. And as a political motivation this fear is probably counterproductive. But I’m fucked up about meds rn and it’s getting me angry and what is this blog for if not venting my frustration with the political communities I find ultimately most germane?

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chil2de · 2 years

Text

𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐓 𝐓𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒 — kaeya, diluc, childe, thoma.

be an insufferable brat in your own time, piss off whoever you want with your idiosyncrasies as an obvious ploy for cock. just maybe don’t do it in front of them? they really do know better.

a/n: mhm. go ahead n act surprised like no one was expecting me to write for genshin after verbally gushing ab thoma for days. kudos to my beta readers, u guys r the best<333 also. wanted to include xiao but i’m only adv rnk 25 lmaooaoao i know nothing abt that man.

tags: size kink + reader is mentioned to be small / petite in frame, degradation + use of ‘whore’, spanking, slight dumbification, if you squint really very hard thoma’s has a tinge of sadism in it, use of pet names (sweetheart, angel, princess), absolute default and a must of childe using ‘girlie’, unprotected sex, mentions of blowjobs, pussy playing, dacryphilia, ruined orgasms, objectification in childe’s + reader being called a toy.

w.c: ~1.8k

— ## kaeya !!

straight up will not hesitate to put you in your place. he’s seen it all before and kaeya knows exactly what you’re attempting to draw out of him.

will probably effortlessly sweep you up off of your feet and proceed to carry you over his shoulder like a fucking sack of potatoes. you don’t weigh anything to kaeya, and he sure as hell is about to prove how much more stronger and dominant he is compared to your dainty little figure.

“No way. You didn’t actually think that would work, did you?” Kaeya jeers in that same arrogant, breathy tone that he always speaks in. Like there’s more that begs to be said, an underlying message or perhaps simple outright mockery. It’s tantalising, and he brings your nerves right on edge with the way his cold lips ghost the shell of your ear.

“Giving me the silent treatment? Of all people? Gotta say, this has to be your worst venture yet.” He murmurs and you can hear the smile heavy on him, even if you can’t physically see him. Kaeya’s got his hard chest nestled against your back, his legs caging you in at either sides whilst his dominant hand toys with your pussy. His long, bony and icy digits torturously tease your clit— brushing and touching your vulva ever so slightly. It makes the arousal in your lower abdomen soar, dull ache and those familiar butterflies come at an all time high because you need Kaeya to touch you.

“So tell me. Was it worth the price? Ignoring your precious captain all day?” Kaeya inquires, resting his jaw onto your shoulder. You assume he’s just going to relax there, but the devil on his shoulder coaxes Kaeya into gathering your shirt aside so that he can begin to suck and paint love bites onto your skin. You shake your head somewhat, still adamant that you’re not going to speak to him.

“No? Oh it wasn’t? Huh. So why’d you do it, angel? Were you perhaps.. bored? Did you want to pry a reaction out of me? That’s certainly sweet of you.”

“Little bit obsessive, might I add, but I won’t dive into that just yet. As for you? Wonder what we’ll do with you.” Kaeya adds nonchalantly before his hands roam and traverse up the thin fabric of your shirt, seizing your breasts and he cups his palms around the soft tissue promptly before pinching your nipples. You yelp in discomfort, perplexed at the foreign sensation and whether you enjoy the hint of pain or not.

“If you wanted to be dicked down, you could have just told me so. But the way things stand right now? Maybe you don’t deserve my cock at all.”

— ## diluc !!

hella impatient lmfaoo. genuinely doesn’t understand your cognitive functions. if you want to be dicked down, why don’t you just ask him?

like damn. thinks you two regressed in ur relationship n for a hot minute he thinks he said smth to piss you off. cause how else do you go from cryin and babbling around his cock the night prior to whatever bullshit you’re subjecting him to now?

“Are you ready to—“ Diluc halts himself in the frame of your bedroom, jacket trailing behind him and he’s at a complete loss for words.

“—You’re wearing that?” He inquires conspicuously, face scrunched into an emotion he can’t quite put a word on. It’s the skimpiest and shortest skirt he’d ever seen on you, and Diluc can’t even begin to fucking imagine how you got hold of such a travesty. There sure as hell aren’t any vendors selling such despicable atrocities in Monstadt, so where and how do you get off parading around with your entire ass practically hanging out?

“Well. Clearly I am. It’s on my legs, is it not?” You snap back at him through the reflection of your mirror, watching the way his face contorts and screws into morbid appaul.

“It’s inappropriate.” Diluc clears his throat, yet his gaze continues to meander towards the soft curve of where the plush of your thighs meet the dip of your ass.

“So stop staring, pervert.”

“If you didn’t want me to stare, you wouldn’t have worn this outfit. Stop acting like a victim and sit down.” Diluc barks, slumping himself onto the edge of your bed and patting his thighs. As he suspected, you’re not gonna listen to him regardless. The redhead manhandles you, flipping you over so that your weight distributes evenly across Diluc’s thighs. His hand flies to cup a fistful of your ass, promptly bunching the muscle up and giving you a small tap before his palm straight up connects with the skin. A loud slap! rings through the air and Diluc’s quick to shove your face into the sheets with his other hand to muffle your mewls.

“Diluc!” You plead, voice wobbly and uneven to your own ears,

“You were asking for it. Don’t look at me. You knew what you were getting into.” Diluc snorts, giving you no heeding before spanking your ass again.

“It’d probably be in your best interest if you kept quiet.” He threatens, adding on the fact that he’ll spank you harder for every time you attempt to thrash out of his control or if your voice gets too loud for his tastes. Besides, Diluc thinks that he much rather prefers the quiet, submissive side of you anyways.

— ## childe !!

number. fucking. one. brat tamer. you cannot convince me otherwise. you don't expect it out of him because he’s such a conniving and teasing little brat towards you that you’re unsure he’s even capable of being serious at times.

but when he makes the switch? ouch. he might just make you cry :/

One minute you’re bouncing your cunt up and down Childe’s cock, threatening to milk him dry with the way your warm walls clamp and grip around him— his breathy whines and strings of garbled, broken pitchy praises spill from between his plush lips effortlessly. Childe’s heads tilted back, jaw slack and his sturdy hands grip onto your ass to aid you in riding him.

But the very next minute? You’re sliding off of him just as fast as you were to sit on his dick initially.

Childe’s eyelids, which were previously blown, snap open and he lolls his head forward to glance at you with furrowed eyebrows and a lopsided smirk. It’s a concoction of half challenge, half grief.

“Fuuuck sakeee. What was that for?” Childe groans, voice scratchy and raw because he was so ready to paint your insides white with ropes of his warm cum. He’d worn down the fibres in his throat purely just chanting your name, how you take him like the “Good fucking whore that you are.”

“You can’t cum, Childe. I’m not gonna let you.” You state and he outright laughs.

“Think you’re so tough now, girlie? Saying I can’t cum? Fuck. You’re adorable. No, genuinely. You make my heart hurt.” Childe snides, egotistic grin laid thickly on him and he only wants to laugh more when you give him your best attempt at fury and impatience. Your cute little quivering lip, the crease in between your brows and how you glare at him through thick lashes.

“You’re so cute.” Childe remarks, once again, in an off handed manner without really thinking twice. He compliments you subconsciously, and this only makes matters worse.

“Stop calling me cute.” You bark at him, except Childe doesn’t waste any time in pulling you back onto his lap, pinning you down and his bruising grip digs into your waist so that you can’t physically get up. His free hand traps one of your ankles anyways, seizing the bone towards his mattress.

“Fine. Beautiful. Pretty. Handsome, even. You do have it all.” Childe muses, hot and sticky lips gluing towards your sensitive neck. Every time you writhe in his grasp, his calloused digits just curl into your flesh further. Every jolt of your hips leads your slicked cunt to slide and rock against his throbbing and hard cock underneath you.

Childe sighs in a breathy, wistful exhale. A small chuckle rips out of him, and you can tell instantly that it derives from the bottom of his chest, not like his other usual lighthearted and quick giggle fits.

“I love when you forget that you’re nothing more than a toy for me to use.”

— ## thoma!!

thoma wants nuthin but the best for you. thoma lets you crawl onto his lap any time of the day, even when he’s about to pass out from exhaustion but it’s okay. he wants you to lazily ride his cock, slide yourself up and down his thick shaft just so that your ceremonious moans can ring throughout his ears.

therefore, he’s lowkey disappointed. and he makes damn well sure you know that. he treats you with such gratuity and you’re just gonna act up in front of him? yikes. talk about ungrateful.

Thoma’s completely awestruck actually, so dumbfounded to the point where he can’t help but gawk at you with his lips agape, hands on his hips and both eyebrows raised in intrigue.

“I’m sorry?” He laughs, tone wheezy and fucking flabbergasted. There’s just no way.

Thoma’s been nothing but patient with you, always nursing you whenever you cry and writhe around his cock— how you complain and babble that ‘’s too big, ah! Too much!’ and he’ll only glance at you through his crinkled smile, cooing and reassuring you that you’ll take him just fine. Thoma will and always has given you the time of day to bury himself between your thighs whenever you’re stressed, aching from all the sheer amount of travelling on foot. Thoma is nothing short of generous, always giving and giving you his all because he wants to. He wants to make you feel good, treat you like the cute spoiled little princess that you are.

That’s why, when he softly reminds you to lay on your back for him, he doesn’t know how to respond when you outright reject him. It’s not even a case of preference because you’d usually be much sweeter towards Thoma about it.

“I said no. I’m not laying on my back. So why don’t you make me?” You retort, planting your stance firm as you nestle your spine up against the headboard.

“You want me to make you lay on your back?” Thoma reiterates, humour lacing his tone and he sounds shrill— almost as though he might burst out in laughter at any moment. In any case, his seemingly baseless mockery only fuels your ego further.

“Isn’t that what it sounds like? Or what? You can’t cause you’re scared you’ll hurt me?” You quip, lips curled devilishly because you just know you struck a nerve. You can see it in the way his smile fades almost immediately, features resetting into an uncharacteristic and stony deadpan. It’s only for a split second before Thoma lights up into a small hum as he effortlessly zeroes in on the rest of the space between you, strong hands seizing your thighs, repositioning and throwing you down onto the mattress with a thud. You try to defend against him, ride this out a little longer but Thoma’s just that much stronger than you.

“See, now. Here’s the thing..” Thoma begins, albeit sheepishly, his fingertips working to straight up rip your underwear off instead of gingerly removing the garment as per usual.

“You never really did fully take my cock in, sweetheart.” Thoma coos, knuckles brushing against the swell of your pretty cheeks. His breath hitches the same time yours does, and he’s in awe and absolute reverence over how fear paints your expression briefly.

Thoma’s digits trail down lazily until they latch against your lip, his thumb pulling down for mere seconds to take a peek at your mouth. He’s debating whether he should ruin your throat with his dick first or not. Then again, if he did choose to fuck you first, he wouldn’t be able to enjoy you struggling and gagging around his shaft nearly as much as he would if he’d made you suck him off first.

“So let’s see how much you’re gonna regret this, yeah?” He hums pleasantly, intentions read like a double-edged sword. His voice is so sweet, yet his thoughts are anything but. Thoma loves the way you gulp, swallowing the knot in your throat. All you’ve ever known is soft, playful Thoma who’s head over heels for you. Sometimes admittedly like a daft little lap dog, so now? When you can physically see in his lime green gaze that he’s going to ruin you and split you apart— how he’ll shove your dick down your throat till you can’t physically bear to breathe? It’s like you unleashed the demon from within him, fuelling his ever growing greed. The thought alone sends goosebumps traversing your skin from head to toe.

“‘Cause I’m not letting you adjust. Just a heads-up.” And there it is again, his threat and a pact of sorts, softened out by his loving nature at the very last second. Thoma’s most definitely going to tame his precious little brat. Soon enough you’ll be the one who’s usually begging for him, not the other way around.

reblog or i WILL punch u.

©atsuwh0res 2021.

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thepremedthatwrites · 3 years

Text

Insufferable (pt.2)

request: Hi lovely, can you do Peter pevensie x reader imagine, please? The reader meets Pevensies in Narnia, but from the beginning she and Peter can't get along together, lots of arguments, while secretly and slowly developing feelings towards each other they don't want to admit, lot of sexual tension before smth happens but eventually they'll end up together. you can include some smut stuff. Thanks xx

part 1 | part 3

I woke with a start as someone pulled back the blanket. A pair of warm brown eyes were looking back at me, a soft smile on their face and their curly brown hair hanging down freely. “Who are you?” I asked, pushing myself up and away from the person. As I took them in, my eyes caught sight of two small horns sprouting on top of their head and just peeking out of their hair. “What are you?” I added, my eyes now wide in shock.

“I am Daisy, a faun,” she said, a soft smile on her face. “High King Peter has requested that I prepare you for breakfast today.” She put out her hand and I slowly took it as she led me out of my bed and towards another section of the room closed off by deep red curtains. My shock grew as I saw a pair of goat legs attached to Daisy’s human-like top, her hooves clicking on the stone floor. The faun grabbed a bucket of water that sat next to a tub that was already halfway filled with water. “Get undressed,” she commanded as she poured the rest of the water into the tub.

I hesitated, not wanting to expose myself to a complete stranger, especially a stranger that wasn’t human. “No,” I said, crossing my arms. The faun let out a sigh as she put the bucket back on the floor. “I can wash myself.”

“That is not what the high king wants. He specifically ordered that I wash and dress you.”

“Then I will take it up with him,” I said before turning around and making my way to the door. Daisy hurried to follow me as I entered the hallway, trying my best to remember the way to King Peter’s room.

“Miss, you don’t want to do this. The high king will be very upset,” Daisy started as I reached the double doors that were guarded by two men. The guards watched the scene unfold as I banged on the wooden door.

“I don’t care how he may feel. He has no right making me get naked in front of a complete stranger,” I replied. The door swung open to reveal King Peter who was only wearing brown pants, his top half naked. I did my best to avoid his toned body, but my brain still subconsciously noticed his strong arms and tight abs. I focused my eyes on his blue ones as I spoke, doing my best to concentrate on my anger.

“How dare you!”

“How dare I what?” he asked, an amused smile pulling at his lips as his eyes studied my face.

“Do you really think that I would be willing to undress in front of a complete stranger when I hardly even know where I am? I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

“There’s no need to be so angry, darling. This is only routine for visitors of the royal family. And if your hair is any indication of how you take care of yourself, I do not think your claim is as true as you believe it to be.” My hands flew to my hair, combing my fingers through the knotted locks. King Peter let out a chuckle at this before leaning on the side of the doorway, his arms crossed. We were only inches away now and I could feel his body heat radiating off of his bare skin.

“Well I,” I started, getting slightly distracted as I felt his eyes watch me intensely. “I don’t need someone to help me take a bath. At least let me do that by myself.”

“Alright,” he said to my surprise. “You can do that by yourself. But let the faun dress you at least. You need to look somewhat presentable in public.”

“Fine,” I said. I turned around to face Daisy, taking a few steps toward her before stopping. “Daisy,” I said, turning my head to face King Peter.

“What?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.

“The faun’s name is Daisy,” I explained. “It might do you some good to know the names of those who serve you, your majesty.” I turned my head back around before following Daisy back to my room.

Daisy waited in the area of the room with the bed as I bathed behind the curtain. It felt nice to wash off the dirt and grime that had accumulated from the night before. As I got out, I grabbed the robe Daisy had laid out for me, tying it tightly around my body as I emerged from behind the curtain.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Daisy said as she brushed my hair.

“Do what?”

“Tell King Peter my name. I’m not important enough for him to know my name.”

“That’s nonsense,” I said as Daisy put down the brush, her fingers working on putting my hair into an intricate braid. She would pause every now and then to weave white flowers in with my hair before continuing with the process. “You are just as important as a guard or even King Peter himself. Without you, the castle wouldn’t function as smoothly as it does. Just because you don’t wear a crown doesn’t mean you’re less than.”

“Thank you, miss,” Daisy said.

“Please, call me (y/n).”

“Of course, (y/n).” Daisy stepped back, handing me a handheld mirror so that I could get a good look at her work.

“Oh Daisy, it’s beautiful,” I said, my voice soft as I admired my hair. Daisy only nodded, walking over to the wardrobe where I had grabbed the robe the night before and pulling out a purple dress.

“I’ll wait by the bath while you put it on,” Daisy said, already making her way towards the curtain.

“Thank you.” I waited till she was behind the curtain to take off the robe and put on the dress. It hugged my curves before falling down to the floor. The material was so soft and light that it barely even felt like I was wearing anything. I let out a small grunt as I tried, and failed, to tie the strings on the back. “Daisy,” I called out. She peeked her head from behind the curtain. “Could you help me tie the strings on the back?”

Daisy made her way to me, expertly tying the strings, her fingers brushing my bare skin every now and then. “Thank you,” I said as she stepped back. “Do I go to join the royal family now?”

“Yes, I’ll lead you to the pavilion.” I followed Daisy down the hall and out of a door that led out to a beautiful garden. Butterflies hovered over flowers and green foliage spilled out onto the stone path that led to a small pavilion where a round table sat. The table was small, only allowing around five people to sit comfortably at it. I saw Edmund and King Peter sitting there, along with two girls. Daisy led me down the path. We came to a halt as we reached the pavilion.

“Thank you for bringing her, Daisy,” Peter said. I felt my heart warm as I walked to the empty seat between Peter and the girl with long, brown hair.

“It’s my pleasure, your majesty,” Daisy replied, a large grin on her face as she curtseyed before turning around and making her way back to the castle.

“I was starting to worry you weren’t coming,” Edmund said, a large grin on his face.

“I would never offend his majesty like that,” I replied, matching his grin.

“I hope there weren’t any other complications with getting dressed this morning,” King Peter interjected. I felt my face warm as the grin fell from my face.

“No, there weren’t.” Edmund looked at both King Peter and I quizzically, but didn’t say anything.

“I’m Susan,” the girl I was sitting next to offered.

“And I’m Lucy,” the other girl said. “It’s so nice to see that you’re okay. I was picking flowers in the meadow to make flower crowns and found you laying in the grass. I was afraid you were dead and ran to get Peter who carried you to the castle. I apologize for not checking in on you last night. I was waiting with Peter for you to wake up, but it was getting late and Peter made me go to bed.”

“Thank you for finding me,” I said, offering a small smile. “And there is no need to apologize, I would hate to have been the reason for you staying up so late.”

“Peter said you are from Earth, is that true?” Susan questioned before taking a bite of a strawberry.

“Yes,” I replied, stealing a glance at Peter who was watching me. “I didn’t realize you were all talking about me.”

“You are all Peter has been talking about,” Edmund said. Peter shot him a look before turning to me again.

“I wanted to assure them that you aren’t a threat,” he explained. I nodded.

“Peter, the king of Telmar is visiting next month. I have been writing to him for a while, but it seems he does not want an alliance with us. Perhaps you could talk to him for us and convince him,” Susan said. I was thankful that the conversation had turned away from me.

“Yes,” Peter said. “I’ve been thinking of what to do with Telmar. Maybe a marriage would be the best chance of peace with them.”

“You mean an arranged marriage?” I interjected. I wanted to laugh at the idea. “Surely you are joking.”

“Why would I joke about that?”

“Because marriage is supposed to be the joining of two people who are in love, not some political power move between two nations.”

“It’s politics (y/n). Not everything is going to be pretty in politics,” Peter said.

“It’s stupid is what it is,” I mumbled, playing with the food on my plate.

“Well then, let’s all be grateful that you aren’t a queen.” I glared at Peter who stared back at me. His bright blue eyes were slightly narrowed and a hint of amusement shone in them. Behind that amusement there seemed to be something else, though I wasn’t sure what it was. At first I thought it may be fear but that wasn’t it. No, it was curiosity. As a high king, nobody questioned him so now that there was a random girl in his castle questioning his every move he seemed intrigued, curious.

I looked away from his eyes as they had become too intense for me. My heart seemed to be pounding in my chest as my eyes flickered to his nose which was slightly flared, before traveling down to his full lips. They were a luscious pink and I subconsciously licked my own lips as I looked at his. I could feel his eyes tracing my own features as well, and I knew his siblings were still there but for a moment it was only me and him.

It was when I heard a fork clatter with a plate that I broke from the spell, ripping my eyes off of him, instead looking around the table to see both Susan and Edmund wearing large grins on their faces. “What is it?” Peter asked both of them. I turned to Peter to see his cheeks were a light pink. I then turned to Edmund and Susan, Edmund shaking his head as Susan took a long sip of her tea, her eyes darting between Peter and me.

“Nothing,” Susan finally said as she placed the teacup delicately onto the saucer.

#peter pevensie #high king peter #high king peter the magnificent #King Peter the Magnificent #peter pevensie fanfic #peter pevensie imagine #peter pevensie x reader #peter pevensie x you #peter pevensie x y/n #narnia #The Chronicles of Narnia #narnia fanfiction #narnia imagine #william moseley

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comradekatara · 3 years

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the gaang + how well they would do on the infinity train?

this is suuuper hard because there are so many factors to take into consideration. first is obviously the train itself. the train's function in a metanarrative sense is to serve as a vehicle for storytelling, dissecting & deconstructing the process of a narrative and how a character's arc is propelled by their circumstances. the train supposedly functions to improve its passengers, and yet we also know that The Train is a deeply flawed mechanism that can corrupt and further traumatize its passengers just as much as it can "fix" them. when the train invites you in with the single-minded goal of getting your number to zero, assuming you ever disembark, you're probably gonna be left with even more trauma than when you arrived, or at the very least, weirder trauma.

grace wanted to be seen, but instead of learning to value herself for her own intrinsic worth instead of relying on validation from those around her, she was enabled by that validation and literally started a cult. likewise, since jet is basically a less heinous version of simon, i see him taking a similar path to the apex (though he would of course name them the freedom fighters) trying to overthrow the tyrannical one-one and reinstate the True Conductor. he would think his path is righteous. he would think he is protecting those kids from evil. who knows what would happen once he learns the truth.

then there is the matter of what the train wants from you. the train arrives at a pivotal moment in one's life, when they are at an emotional crossroads and need a catalyst for growth. for example, jesse's problem was relatively small (because he is perfect) but hurting his brother caused him emotional turmoil nonetheless, so the train stepped in. this means that to answer this question properly, i would have to answer not only when the train arrives for them, but why, and seeing that every single atla character carries massive amounts of baggage (most of it flavors of trauma that infinity train has not addressed), this proves extremely difficult. i have to identify the most narratively satisfying moment in each character's lives to have the train arrive, and then i have to make assumptions about which cars would propel them which way (emotionally). you're asking me to outline nine different fanfictions.

only jet's character feels similar enough to any of the characters we've seen in infinity train for me to even have an inkling as to what path he would take. while sokka and tulip are quite similar as people (rational, scientific yet creative thinkers who over-rely on logic over feeling, are deeply loyal, and instinctually blame themselves for the problems caused by others), their character arcs themselves have little in common. both aang and hazel experience a tragic loss of pure, childhood innocence (which is why i cry over both of them every day), but in relatively dissimilar ways (at least appa gets to return to aang). min-gi and zuko are both pressured by their upbringings to conform to a standard that makes them miserable to please their parents, only to ultimately embrace their own passion & truth... but not only do those arcs play out completely differently, zuko and min-gi are completely different people, and if anything, zuko's approach to life is far more like ryan's (ie, jumping off a cliff and hoping he lands on his feet).

but what i think you're really asking, at the end of the day, is how emotionally mature, self-aware, and capable of positive growth is each atla character? because how am i supposed to know what the train would do to their psyches, considering each external situation would shape them differently, and unless i'm supposed to meticulously craft fanfiction for each one of them (which i wouldn't be opposed to doing, but only for one character, i simply cannot do all nine – also, i'm surprised infinity train AUs aren't more common, but then again i'm not particularly familiar with fanficition, so maybe it is!), it would only be an approximation, in which i identify their core problem (which again, is not how real people work, or even how atla characters work, but how The Train works) and then analyze how long it would take for each of them to solve said problem.

so, that was a very long-winded preface. without further ado:

aang's main problem is that he keeps running away from his problems, which is to say, distracting himself from the enormity of his grief. personally, i would say his coping mechanism isn't the worst. after all, he experiences so much world-shattering pain in such a short span of time, and he does deserve to preserve his childhood and his innocence for as long as possible. but, for the purposes of the narrative, the train must necessarily disagree. he must confront his grief head-on, without distracting himself from it or flying into a destructive rage that he'd only regret later. it also depends on who his companions are. with katara by his side, he can get through anything (and vice versa), but it's unclear who will be there to guide him through his pain. that said, i know he'd make it through okay. he's aang. he has to.

katara lives in a fairytale. like i said with aang, that's not really a bad thing. she's a great kid with big dreams and a big heart. she wants to save the world, and – guess what! – she does. but living in a storybook strips one's worldview of the nuances of life, not simply the harsh realities of the world, but also the full extent of one's personhood, outside of simply the black and white worldview of heroes and villains. katara's apotheosis is when she confronts yon rha, looks him in the eyes, and sees a human being staring back at her, another human being. she is no longer in a revenge tale. she is out of stories to tell herself. (life doesn't make narrative sense.) ironically, the train is a metaphor for storytelling, so katara coming to realize that she isn't in a story would both be confusingly meta and also fucking brilliant (if i do say so, personally). i don't know how exactly it would play out, but by god i would pay to see it.

in many ways, sokka is remarkably open-minded, and in many ways, sokka is extremely stubborn. i think he'd come to terms with his own emotional growth (which would be rooted in learning his own self-worth) faster than he'd come to terms with the train itself. "okay, fine, yeah, i deserve love regardless of what i can do for other people, but WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE?!?!?" his journey through the train is actually everyone else's dream experience on the train. passengers and denizens alike keep falling in love with him (or at the very least, admiring him more than they've ever admired anyone they've ever met), but he doesn't even notice because he's too busy being extremely suspicious of everything he comes into contact with. yes, he'll solve your problems and puzzles and help people and make meaningful connections and eventually he might start to realize that he is worth something even when he's alone, even (especially) when he's being unconventional or "weird" or "selfish." but even once he does get his door, does he walk through it? oh no, he takes it apart and tries to figure out how it just created a fucking portal. so while he would technically "do" quite well, he is never leaving that fucking train. rip sokka.

well, toph needs to learn to accept and embrace her own vulnerability. she definitely goes through that same crystal karaoke car tulip did. that, or the train just tortures her by putting her in increasingly more painful situations in which she must ask for help. but that's too awful to even think about, so i'm just gonna say she has to sing karaoke.

zuko needs to learn to trust his instincts and his own internal moral compass instead of the external pressures being forced upon him by his Father (capital F to emphasize that his nation & his father – aka the patriarchy – are one & the same for him, lmao). and he would fail. a lot. but eventually he would realize that his number goes down when he lets himself be himself, and he would leave the train happy. he probably also gets a bunch of cute little talking animal companions to guide him through. he deserves it.

the train appears to suki while she's having a breakdown in solitary confinement at the boiling rock. she finds healthy ways to cope with being put through hell while on the train, and by the time she gets off, she's being let out of solitary. it is a very rewarding experience, and one that she can swear wasn't just some hallucination. she's constantly telling herself yes, of course it was just a hallucination.... but still... it felt so real....

if i had to diagnose azula with one singular problem that plagues her at the core of her very being, it would have to be her fear of rejection. but it's not good enough to just keep having train cars reject azula, she has to accept that rejection, instead of just intimidating people into submission after the fact. she needs to understand why she is being rejected, and be fine with it, and learn from it, instead of letting her lack of universal perfection in every area anyone could ever excel in shake her to her very core. when ty lee proved that she secured the affections of dumb stupid boys better than azula ever could, she did an arson to cope (which of course is still very valid of her uwu). azula needs to learn to come in second place, third place, even last place, and shrug it off, think to herself, "hopefully i'll do better next time, and if not, that's okay also," and once that happens, everything else will fall into place. though maybe she could read bell hooks or smth at some point on the train cuz i think that could help too.

mai needs to stop being so goddamn depressed all the time. has she tried lexapro, or perhaps using a lightbox in winter? her favorite coping mechanism, knives, only helps her feel something some of the time, but most (if not all) of the time she's still being expected to play a part. has she tried, like, being herself? i heard from zuko (you know, the guy? from the train?) that "being yourself" works wonders. so the train gives her that opportunity. and she actually even enjoys herself for once in her miserable fucking life.

omg there must've been some sort of mistake ty lee was totally sent here by accident because she's actually super happy all the time and doesn't have any problems!!!!!!!! jk, can u even imagine? ty lee hates her life too, she just doesn't go around advertising it like mai does with her big dyke boots and depressing eyeliner. but apparently she also needs to learn how to "be herself," whatever that means. as if life isn't a constant performance, you know, like jacques said or whatever. she sees mai on the train. she rolls her big beautiful brown eyes. "oh god, not you too."

#obeetlebeetle #fuck this took me over an hour to write #asks #the gaang and #analysis #AUs #synthesis #mailee infinity train au when.....#sokka is the only one who dies on the train. unfortunate. aunt wu was right once again.#god this question was hard #so many factors to consider #i want the mailee season tho #and i want it NOW!

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hunxi-after-hours · 3 years

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1/2 Hi Hunxi! I have a question regarding paying for the danmei novels discourse. Wouldn't it be possible to do smth like starting a kicktstarter where ppl would send money for the novel they wanted to purchase (there'd be different ones for each novel) and the person and who actually speaks CN would pay this sum to JJWC and the CN person would then give collective access to the people who paid for the novel?

2/2 Please correct me if what I said is utter bs but I think that doing something like this could make paying for the danmei novels significantly easier because then non-cn speaking ppl wouldn't have to go through the hassle of accessing CN websites, etc. I know it's doable, but still, by doing a sort of fundraising I think many people would find it easier and perhaps would be much less reluctant to buy the novels. Just paying a sum via paypal and then getting access- isn't it possible to do?

anon, I appreciate the thought and suggestion you've put into outlining this possible process--this is a good starting point, and I think someone (or a team of someones) could make it work!

but it's not quite that simple for a number of reasons that vary from the logistical to the personal, so I'll try my best given my exceedingly limited understanding of the jjwxc platform and like, the fact that I'm not a fan translator who is directly dealing with the whole 'proof-of-purchase-for-translation-access' side of things

(yeah this is going under a cut, it's gotten long again)

1. logistics

so the thing about danmei novels hosted on jjwxc is that they aren't like physical books you purchase through a bookstore or online vendor where you can buy as many copies of a title as you'd like. As far as I can tell, you can't buy a single title more than once on jjwxc because once you've purchased it, you've unlocked access. You're good to go. Further contributions could be made through 霸王票 (I have no idea how these work) or 灌溉 (I have a vague understanding of how these work), but like, you can't buy a book twice (or if you can, I haven't figured out how)

so what your proposal would entail then, anon, is some noble individual choosing to sacrifice a great deal of time, energy, and brainspace to essentially handle jjwxc purchases for the entirety of the international danmei fandom. said noble individual would then have to individually create separate accounts for purchasing specific titles.

so like. say that 100 people would like to buy 《镇魂》 Zhen Hun / Guardian by Priest in order to support this author. whichever unlucky Chinese-literate soul volunteered for the task would functionally have to create one hundred separate jjwxc accounts to do so.

are we getting a feel for this?

and this isn't even getting into further logistics, like the registration + account activation process for creating accounts on jjwxc (a Whole-Ass Process TM), having to organize unique email addresses for each new jjwxc account (which the volunteer would also need access to, since there's activation codes and whatnot), and then filling up credits on jjwxc (jjwxc works on a token system, where you use cold hard electronic cash to purchase tokens, and then you use tokens to unlock titles, and the token-cash exchange rate is certainly not 1:1, and also titles are often priced at strange numbers like 2059 jjwxc tokens, so like. dealing with the conversion rates alone is would be another Whole-Ass Process TM).

and on top of that I think you can only purchase multiples of $17 USD worth of tokens at a time, so like, it's not as simple as someone going "I'll Venmo you $4 for 《天涯客》" because you have to put a minimum of $17 in each account, so like, who's going to pay for the extra $13 it took to purchase tokens for that account? at which point I suppose you could try balancing the numbers across titles--say, volunteer A in charge of 《天涯客》 purchases made an account, filled it with $17 worth of tokens, paid the $4 for 《天涯客》, then handed it off to volunteer B working on 《二哈》, who then doesn't have to make another account to buy 《二哈》, but then has to be sure to pay back volunteer A for using their tokens, and. look, it's not impossible with some Very Good Spreadsheets, but this is a lot of work for someone to do in their spare time, and it's not even fun/creative work like fan translation that people will thank you for and comment appreciatively on and generate fanwork from. this is some maximum spreadsheet madness that would require hours of work for little to no reward

are we seeing why no one is exactly jumping forward to take up this role? purchasing one title or another for someone on a one-time basis is one thing--systematically creating a process to facilitate the experience of the entire non-CN fandom is a whole other can of worms. there's a reason why people have elected to write very long, very in-depth guides to using jjwxc (or even 猫耳FM for audiodramas) for non-CN fans rather than build a system like this. it's much easier and much more reasonable to ask individual fans to support authors they care about even if those fans aren't literate in Chinese, than it is to ask a singular keystone CN-literate fan to do the work for however many international fans ask for it

(In Theory, could someone figure out a conversion rate from 霸王票 to book-prices on jjwxc, and transmit payments to the author via 霸王票 rather than work through a thousand individual accounts purchasing a thousand individual copies of the book? perhaps. I am not that person though, and I'm not intimately familiar enough with the jjwxc ranking system to understand the finer points of how that kind of payment differs from book purchase)

2. personal

I elected to label this section 'personal' rather than 'accessibility' or 'political' or 'entitlement' because this reason is absolutely a personal one for me, and any of those other labels, regardless of how applicable or not they are to this situation, feels a little more inflammatory and judgmental than I'm really going for here

really, it all comes down to the question of: why should I (speaking broadly, as a CN-literate fan) be responsible for other fans?

yes, creating an account on jjwxc is a hassle for non-CN fans. but it's just that. a hassle. it's not impossible. it's not even prohibitive. it's just a bother for people who don't want to deal with it and then use language as an excuse

look, jjwxc is a hassle for me too, okay? every other time I try to log in, it won't recognize my password. the UI is legitimately terrible, and even I, the vaunted CN-literate fan, relied heavily on these English-language guides to jjwxc to navigate my way through payment and purchasing. but you know what? I deal with it, because I want to support these authors and purchase the books through the means available to me. I care enough to do that. so I do it.

this is not intended to be moralizing or shaming of folks who don't purchase titles on jjwxc because they literally do not possess the means to do so. this isn't even intended to be judgmental of folks who do have the ability to purchase titles on jjwxc and simply choose not to do so. as @minmoyu said in in her phenomenally comprehensive post:

and if you still cannot afford it and pirate, honestly no one cares about the story behind it. you owe no one justification, just as how no other person is obligated to take it into consideration or understand you or empathize with you. i don’t say this in a malicious way - i do think that in general, you just do you.

like, you do you. if you want to functionally pirate these novels and do so, I can't stop you, just like I can't stop you from pirating ebooks or Netflix shows, nor do I care to, because it's not my job to police the behavior of other fans. it is also, likewise, not my job to yoink the entire international danmei fandom onto the path of righteousness and legal payment through jjwxc or whatever. I have no obligation to make the process easier for the non-CN fandom, nor is the non-CN fandom entitled to me doing this much work for them

accessibility, and specifically accessibility based on language fluency, is an ongoing balance in the international danmei fandom particularly because there isn't exactly industry support or infrastructure for what we do. fan translators are out here making their own websites, building their own systems of proof of purchase, and generally doing work that people are paid to do professionally in their literal free time. like. I don't think we're really processing the absolutely staggering amount of work CN-literate fans are putting into these fandoms to make them basically accessible, whether that's through translation, gifmaking, subtitling, or writing thousands upon thousands of words in comprehensively detailed guides to plot, character, genre, worldbuilding, critical-literary analysis, or jjwxc access.

would the creation of a kickstarter-payment system facilitate the international fandom's ability to pay for danmei novels? certainly. is that work that should be done by bilingual fans, who are already doing so much to make this fandom accessible? well.

not to gatekeep on main or whatever (shh I know this is a sideblog), but I've legitimately lost interest in making these fandoms and these texts more accessible than I have to. I'm on the internet, participating in fandom spaces, because I think it's fun and I feel like it. I write meta and do the occasional translation because it's fun and I feel like it. When someone asks me to take on a massive project like re-subbing the entirety of CQL (look, it's happened before), I refuse. Maybe it's because the fun-to-work ratio isn't to my liking. Or maybe because I just don't feel like it. It's as simple as that. It's fandom. I engage with it however I like. And when I stop liking it, I disengage.

It is not my sacred life mission to make danmei, or Chinese literature/culture as a whole, more accessible for the consumption of an international audience. Just because I do so on occasion doesn't mean I have an obligation to keep on doing so, especially not when I have been doing so on my free time. I could be bribed into doing so if this were, say, my job, but for now, I am simply another fan with a keyboard and a limited amount of patience, willingness, and tolerance, doing this for fun and for free.

none of this is personally directed at you, anon, nor is it directed at the Anglophone fandom as a whole! It's just how I feel about fandom participation in general, so like. If someone wants to volunteer to take on the massive project of making jjwxc more accessible to the international, non-CN fandom by organizing mass payment methods, by all means, go for it--you would be the greatest unsung hero of the danmei fandom, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest

I, however, have other things I want to do with my time alas, so this great and noble project will have to be left to someone else.

#I uh #don't really have a tag for this content huh

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jenanigans1207 · 3 years

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so matchablossom hc: yk how cherry can't sleep unless carla plays him a lullaby or smth??? one night carla's battery gets damaged and cherry panics in the dark and calls his latest contact which, surprise surprise, is joe and gets him to sing the lullaby instead. this works, so everytime they travel together, cherry uses this instance as an excuse for joe to sing him lullabies to sleep~

Oh my GOD I love this so much it’s actually painful. I really hope I did the idea justice because it’s so soft and perfect, thank you SO MUCH for this!! ❤️

—

It’s pitch black out when Cherry blinks his eyes open. It takes a long second for reality to filter back in, fought off temporarily by the hazy edges of the dream he’d just been submerged in. He feels warm, comfortable in his bed as he slowly rolls over to look at the clock, 2:03 am.

With a content noise, Cherry settles back into his pillow. He still has a few more hours to sleep. “Carla, play my lullaby.”

Seconds pass, the clock ticks on, but Carla makes no sounds.

“Carla.” Cherry repeats, squinting through the darkness to where he knows Carla is plugged in and charging. There’s no light coming from that corner of the room, no sign that Carla is even there. “Carla?”

Without a response still, Cherry groans and throws the covers off, padding across his bedroom to where he’s absolutely certain he plugged Carla in before bed. Sure enough, she’s exactly where he left her, but she’s not charging. Fumbling through the darkness, Cherry tries to figure out what went wrong.

The cord is plugged into the wall, that’s a good start. He traces the cord with the tips of his fingers— it’s plugged properly into Carla, too. His clock is still on, so he hasn’t lost power. Confused, he reaches for Carla, his fingers closing around her with the intent of picking her up, but the moment his fingers skim her battery, he understands. There’s a sizable dent right underneath his hand.

Of course.

Honestly, he should’ve expected this, should’ve known to check her more closely once he’d gotten home. It had been reckless, rising to Joe’s challenge at S the way he had, but he wasn’t one to back down, especially from Joe. And really, he and Joe had been skating together for years, so it should’ve been fine. It would’ve been fine, too, if Joe had been able to keep that giant mouth of his shut. But he hadn’t— shocking— and Cherry had risen to a reckless level that wasn’t his style, barely avoiding a wicked fall and damaging Carla in the process.

It’s fine, he tells himself as he heads back to his bed. He’ll just go back to sleep and fix Carla in the morning. He can’t see the extent of the damage but it feels like a quick replacement of the battery should be more than enough to get Carla functional again. Easy, he can do that in no time. So all he needs to do is sleep.

Sleep. In his dark room that is eerily quiet.

It’s completely fine, he tells himself. He’s been sleeping in this room for years and hasn’t had a problem yet. There’s no reason to be—

The shadows dancing on the wall across from him look like menacing shapes.

Cherry closes his eyes, reminding himself firmly that the shadows are only shifting because of the trees outside his window. There’s a perfectly logical explanation, no need to let his imagination—

Was that a creak? No, it sounded closer to a groan.

Before he can stop himself, Cherry already has his phone to his ear, the familiar number dialed and ringing.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” Joe grouses into the other end of the phone when he picks up and it’s abundantly clear by the sleepy edge to his voice that Cherry just woke him up. “You better be fatally wounded or I’m hanging up.”

“Carla’s battery is damaged.” Cherry says, eyes still pinched shut. But something about the sound of Joe’s voice is still soothing, especially as rough as it is with sleep.

“And?” There’s a muffled sound that makes Cherry think Joe is changing positions. “I know I’m the most brilliant person you know, but I really think problem solving this could’ve waited until morning.”

Despite the fear, despite the fact that Cherry’s heart is racing in his chest as he hears another one of those creaking groans in the distance, he can’t stop the huff that comes out. “For your information, it’s your fault that she’s damaged. I’m certainly not calling you for advice on how to fix her.”

“You took that jump on your own.” Joe dismisses immediately but the tiredness in his voice is replaced with a bit of that smugness that Cherry knows so well. “But why are you calling, then?”

“Carla’s battery is damaged.” Cherry repeats with emphasis, as if that should explain everything. When he gets nothing more than a frustrated sigh and some mumblings about missing out on beauty sleep in response, he elaborates. “She won’t turn on. And I need to sleep.”

“Oh.” Cherry can hear the moment the implication clicks in Joe’s mind. Because Joe knows— Joe is the only one who knows, the only one Cherry has ever told. And yes, Joe had teased him mercilessly about it, but only in a friendly way that was meant to put Cherry at ease about sharing his secret. And it did. “Same one?”

Joe was a lot of things— primarily a muscle-headed, dim-witted gorilla— but he was not cruel. The image he projected to the rest of the world was often times far from the person he actually was, especially when he was alone with Cherry. The Joe that Cherry knew, the one he had spent many late nights with, shared many glasses of wine with— that Joe was tender and caring.

As soon as Cherry had admitted to Joe that he needed a lullaby to soothe his anxiety so he could sleep, Joe had demanded to know which lullaby. Cherry had showed him, expecting nothing more than laughter. But Joe hadn’t laughed, not even once. In fact, he’d gone out of his way to learn the lullaby, to memorize it.

He’d never breathed a word of it to anyone, but a few times back in high school, Cherry had caught him humming it under his breath when he’d thought that Cherry was already asleep.

“Yeah.”

And just like that, Joe launches into humming the lullaby. It’s soft and quiet, but there’s so much feeling behind it. Suddenly, Cherry’s heart is racing for an entirely different reason. Joe’s humming is beautiful, slow and rich, filling his ear. The creaking groans fade out into the background and the menacing shaped shadows are no longer on Cherry’s mind. He settles back into bed, cradling the phone gently against his cheek as he tries to breathe slowly and just listen.

He really ought to thank Joe for this in the morning, but he won’t. They’ll never talk of this moment again— never talk about Cherry choosing Joe in a moment of vulnerability or Joe being there for him with unwavering support.

They’ll never talk about it again, but they’ll both know. They already did know, that’s why Cherry called Joe in the first place. Because he knew that Joe would be there for him, the way he had always been. And Joe— Joe understood that Cherry trusted him unconditionally, even if he never said it. If he didn’t, he would’ve been surprised by Cherry’s request.

As the world fades out around Cherry and coherent thought begins to fade, he grasps on to the idea of how nice this is, and how much more he likes this compared to Carla’s version. Perhaps, he thinks before he falls asleep completely, he should have Carla be nonfunctional more often.

The very last tendrils of wakefulness are starting to recede and Cherry’s almost completely asleep when he hears a faint, “Goodnight, Kaoru. I’m glad you called.”

It’s the first time in awhile that he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

#matcha blossom #matchablossom #thank you for sharing this idea with me #I love it so much #it’s so soft and tender #and it just fills me with so much joy #sk8 #sk8 the infinity

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dearest-kibble · 4 years

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yan kenma who has you locked up in his apartment- it’s been some time and you’ve given up escaping but you know he live-streams so you kind of start living small clues that you’re there in hope someone will figure it out? but instead of a viewer kenma finds out; and instead of stopping you he just decides to taunt you and play along to the point his viewers make it an inside joke- the emotional rollercoaster that would be? he wouldn’t have to punish you- the crushing despair is enough alone

This is so deliciously fucked up I love it,,, thank you anon, Kenma hits so different. I love him thank you so so so much. i am working on so much,,, thank you for being patient with all my uhhh lateness? this kinda became something a little different than the prompt but hopefully thats good?

Kenma Kozume x Fem reader

tw: Typical yandere-ness, humiliation? Sexism? Mentioned stalking, (If im missing anything please let me know my brain isn’t functioning rn)

You’re sitting on his lap, camera angled so that no one’s view is obstructed by your body, but so that all his views can clearly see you. You’ve been here so long, any hope of leaving, ironically, has left you. But, the thought crept slowly, surely, deeply into your brain and hasn’t left. You turn around on Kenma’s lap, straddling him and you’re sure the live chat is going a little crazy at the thought of Kodzuken having someone in his lap while he streams and he’s probably going to tell you to get off soon, but you’ve got the chat’s attention, and you are going to work with it. You tap Kenma’s cheeks, slight squish on them and you know he hates that it’s on camera all the same, you drum three fingers on his cheek, smiling at him for the camera as your fingertips meet his clammy skin. He doesn’t tell you to stop so across his cheek you swipe your thumb three times as tenderly as possible. As you stand from his lap, you pat his cheeks, three times delicately. You look into his eyes, still as calculating as when you met him, a deceptively warm amber with the tiniest hint of frustration (and somewhere inside, you know it’s probably with you but you can’t care.)

“I’m gonna sit on the couch, ‘kay?” You call softly, hoping you were subtle enough with your plea.

“Oh, okay,” And you think you’re free before he calls a “Wait! Come back for a little.” You’re even halfway to the couch before the words rope you back in. He beckons you to lean down, and whispers into your ear. “I noticed you trying to sign to get out. Morse code isn’t as subtle as you think, you might as well just ask them to get you out,” You chance a quick look towards chat.

“Was that morse code?”

“Holy shit! Yeah, I think that was SOS.”

“You think they actually need to get out or it’s one of those ‘my bfs terrible’ jokes?”

“You see the way they were straddling? Def not a hate my bf sorta thing.”

“See?” He’s still whispering into your ear, game forgotten in lieu of what might be called humiliation. “They won’t believe you because you want to be here. Regardless of what you say, you would’ve left already if you didn’t.” He smiles at you and affectionately pats your head. Like he’d pet a cat. The idea is still in your mind, though perhaps a little shallower. You glance at the chat once more, someone is still talking about it, but Kenma pushes you away with a “I’ll get you when I’m done, okay?” You end your night on the couch with Kenma. He smiles at you and puts your legs on his lap.

The next livestream is two days after the last one. You have something planned once more, hopefully more effective.

“I’m playing minecraft today, I could set up your computer, and we could play together?” His small smile is back. And though a kind gesture, all you can think about is how easily you could make a point.

“Okay!” The earlier plan is immediately forgotten, and thoughts of what you could do in a game, fills your mind. “Will I have a mic?”

“No, I can’t have you telling them can I?” And it clicks, because of course he’d taunt you. But it’s like your brain grew claws that cannot lose their hold.

“Will I have a camera?” And you know the answer, but Kenma might still surprise you. You’ve already had one shock tonight, maybe you’ll get another.

“No. Sorry. You have chat though.” He pats your head again, ruffling your hair. “I’ve already got you set up, c’mon.” He tugs at your hand, pulling gently.

“Thanks Kenma.” He’s put another computer across from his desk on a much smaller table made for playing cards.

“You’re all set up.”

“Yeah.” He clicks the mouse a few times, waves at the camera to his right. ��Can everybody hear me?” He waits a few seconds for chat’s response. “Chat is saying yes, so let’s get right in?” He smiles sheepishly to his camera.

“Hi everyone, I’ m Kodzuken and today we are,” He pauses to look at you with honeyed amber eyes. “Playing Minecraft with my partner.” He nods in your direction. You just open the minecraft tab, the only shortcut that seems to be on the computer.

“It’s a LAN server, click that, okay?” So you click it and say nothing. You start to go through the motions of chopping a tree, making sticks, making a crafting table. Kennma is narrating what he does, and you’re not even sure where he is in game until you're knocked back and turn your mouse to look at him.

“Yeah, I know - she should be relying on me.” He’s responding to something in chat, he’s gotta be. You type a quick,

“What’re they saying?”

“Oh, that my girlfriend shouldn’t be so independent, you rely on me - I'm your boyfriend.” Kenma says it so casually, so acerbically that you immediately take off sprinting from the forest in game.

“She has these bouts - you saw them last stream - where she likes to try and ‘get away’.” Kenma laughs softly; little glockenspiel notes falling from his mouth. “It’s a really cute joke honestly! Anyway, I’ll put my minecraft bed next to hers later, right now...” You stop paying attention and start planning how you’d try to get your point across more clearly. You could make signs, say “Get me out!” Like Kenma suggested.

“Hey! He looks over the screen at you, piercing eyes staring right through you. “Don’t go off on your own, we’re staying together alright?”

“No.” He’ll have to deal with chatting, possibly hearing you by himself. And you continue through the coded forest. It goes pretty smoothly, though you’re sure Kenma is trying to find you, you’ve already created a mine for yourself, and made a little sign with instructions that reads: “Get me out!”

“Her voice is quite cute, isn’t it? I’ll get to hear it for the rest of my life.” He continues humming out yes’s and no’s to his audience that sit captivated in a land of blocks and pixels.

“Hey, I’m going to use the restroom, is it alright if my girlfriend takes over for me?” He stands, and waves you over into his chair that’s been made for gaming and padded with red accents. He watches you with his cat-like eyes as you sit down and pats your head. “I’ll be right back Kitty, behave.” And you hear his soft footsteps get farther away and the creak of the door twice before you finally look at chat.

Woa, Kudzu got lucky huh?

“Please,” You don’t sound nearly as someone might think you would. You’ve been here too long. “Get me out of here?”

Sure sweetheart, just come over to my place first.

“Just - get me away from him please!”

Girls are so whiny huh?

Hey man, its funny at least amiright?

“It’s not a joke -”

She’s really committed to this bit huh

Damn iim staartin to feel bad for ken

Me to :(

“I’ve been here for year and I don’t want to-”

Wow. what an ungrateful bitch.

Ikr? She’s got a bf and everything and she wants to get out?

“No- it’s not like that - he stalked me for months I-” And the familiar desperation you thought hoped beyond all hope that you had lost bleeds back into your voice all repression surfaces like the tide in your eyes.

Oh fuxxx we made her cry.

relax bet she’s just on her period or smth

“I am not!” A bubble of snot pops from your nose and mucus drips uncomfortably to your lips. “I just-”

What could you want that you don’t have.

“My house! My job! My friends!” And your voice breaks

She wants to go back to a job?

Crazy lady huh.

She wants friends when all she really needs is a man? smh.

“Kitten, what-”

“Leave me the fuck alone!” It’s an outburst that you’ll regret later, for one reason or another. But for now it’s a small comfort to speak your mind. With your voice wavering and congested, you choke out a “Let me go home.” Kenma’s eyebrows furrow but his eyes are still the calculating, cold amber they always are.

“Shh shh, it’s okay.” Instead of the quick pats he’s so fond of, he strokes your hair and massages the nape of your neck like he’s picking up a kitten who's gotten into a fight. “I’m going to cut the stream, okay?”

Who’d want to leave Ken, he’s cutting the stream short to help his gf.

…….yeah

I feel bad.

“You should. Please don’t make her cry.” A few clicks later and the stream cuts. “Do you want me to upload that one?” To get your message out? You’d do anything.

“Yes please…” Someone will have to see it. How miserable you are.

“Then it’ll go up, okay?” He pats your back twice, and he stands again to sit at the computer. Out of the blue he speaks again. “They’re right.” No no no no no. “I’m lucky, i’m so glad you're here with me and that you won’t leave.”

“I will get out!” The proof of your white hot anger is breaking the dam built in your throat.

“Where will you go? Your friends don’t know where you’ve gone, they won’t be happy with you coming back unannounced.”

“My parents-”

“You can rely on me, you don’t need anyone else.”

“But I-”

“Shhh kitty, you’re overreacting let’s get you to bed, you’ve had a stressful day.” And so he walks you back to the room you share that's covered in pictures, and he tucks you under the covers and dries your tears with a blanket. He whispers words to you, faint little nothings about games he’s going to play that you’ll enjoy watching and little bits of trivia about what “Kuroo” is up to. Eventually you fall asleep, with his hand in your hair and a chair pulled up close so he can stare. You both know it but no one will admit, some part of him will always enjoy how you lose hope so quickly.

once again! This should not’ve taken so long,,,, and it kinda deviates from request but! there we are! also,,,, you can’t tell me that like,,,,,,, kenma hasn’t been at least exposed to incels and or like,,,, really sexist guys he streams on twitch or youtube or something so- also thank you anon,,, i really like this one

#yandere x reader #yandere imagine #yandere #yandere haikyuu #yandere haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu kenma #kenma kozume #yandere kenma #yandere kenma x reader #hq kenma #kenma x reader #kenma kozume x reader #tw sexism

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waspenned · 2 years

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🎵- El Tango De Roxanne - Ewan McGregor, Jacek Koman, and José Feliciano

Congrats on 100!!!! Your writing is *chefs kiss*

penn's 100 follower celebration

YOU DID NOT JUST MOULIN ROUGE ME..... ewan mcgregor I adore you

I will start off by saying I have not seen The Rouge even though I have been meaning to for a very very long time but I am VERY familiar with the police version and the lyrics are largely the same. 18+ under the cut bests bc it's Roxanne x

well firstly we're starting with a big ol heap of jealousy. and its a tango. I think we're gearing up to some passionate possessive sex here. the police spends most of the song trying to convince Roxanne to stop being a sex worker, while Moulin Rouge focusses more on the jealousy that arises from it, even though Satine is perhaps forced into sex work by the circumstances. this is more interesting I think?? could certainly lead to some very interesting power play - im thinking maybe a jealous Peter and a stubborn reader?? or the other way around??? I love an argument that leads to a big kiss

idk why but this version seems a lot more emotional and violent to me. the original is more whiny and pleading to me, focussing more on the discomfort the speaker has with her profession rather than Roxanne's safety herself. Theres not much autonomy in it - he says she doesn't have to put on the red light, but never considers if she wants to. The Moulin Rouge version does have an underlying threat of harm towards Satine, and is ultimately more emotional, focussing more on Christian's heart ache. there's more??? oomph behind it?? more weight?? think it would add an interesting desperation to the Christian character n u know I love me some bottom pete

all in all ur looking at maybe a two part enemies-to-lovers smut fic methinks? maybe in terms of reluctant spider-partners, if the reader was also a vigilante. think pete and black cat but more venomous?? the desperation could perhaps be represented by a pheromone function ?? smth similar to the reader/Pete situation in @silkscream 's sweetest kill (high reccommend!!!!!!) but more angsty I think ,, some sort of unstoppable desire that provokes jealousy and passion and a bit of roughness? id probably have to sit on this one lol

#as I started writing this my roommate started shaggin :| I am so sick #idk if this is where id experiment w a more dommish Pete but im not sure #im finding it hard to see him as being a little rough but maybe that's my own proclivities #I cant help it hes so pretty #answered.#penned.#100 sleepover

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 3 years

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hi, i’ve read that INFPs are more prone to wanting to stay in their comfort zone and loving comfortable clothing mainly bc of their Si, but i think i’m an ISFP…and i have this problem that i’m extremely indecisive in choosing/buying clothes…especially with shoes…every damn time there’s something even remotely uncomfortable in a piece of clothing, i will feel it. “these shoes? too tight in the front? those? ugh, those hurt my heel? these…ah no, uncomfortable? those…even more uncomfortable” and this is how i am every time buying clothes…everything that MAY be uncomfortable, WILL be uncomfortable for me? i will feel every damn label on a piece of clothing and it will be uncomfortable for me if i don’t cut it off, for example, meanwhile an another person will not pay attention to that label or they won’t be as picky with clothes’ texture and how it feels on my skin. i used to spend hours shopping for shoes as a kid an even now(i’m in my late teens), every time i go shopping with my mum(for example) or alone i/we will spent enormous amount of time in a particular shop bc i can’t decide whether i want these shoes bc “omg they’re so pretty”, but “they feel kinda uncomfy, how can ppl wear these kind of shoes” and my mum would always say “it will get better with time, they’re just new, that’s it”, but once i decided that these are uncomfy, “they WILL be uncomfy forever, i don’t think i’d get adjusted to them with time”. and yet, sometimes i was forced to buy shoes or clothes i thought of as “kinda uncomfortable”, because my mum would say smth like(when i was a kid especiall) “we’ve gone through the whole mall and everything is uncomfy for you, but we need to buy smth for that upcoming event and these are the best option, so we’re buying them ” and i’d agree on “the best option” both because i was pressured to buy those and also bc i spent so much time defending my point of view that they were uncomfortable(“were” at the very first moment when i tried them on) and then i’d get this sudden realisation that “damn, they’re not that bad and uncomfortable, my mum was kinda right” the and sometimes my mum would turn out to be right, and the shoes or piece of clothing we bought really get more comfortable with time.

now…i’m sorry for that long piece of writing i’ve written below, i’m just wondering…could me often judging things on the first sight, having somewhat of a tunnel vision and feeling what my body finds uncomfortable on a very big level(and then being very stubborn, and not believing ppl when they try the same piece of clothing on and say “what are u saying? these are comfortable af, stop imagining things”) be Se?

or am i just an infp, who doesn’t want to get out of their comfort zone and trying something that’s not 100% comfy and what they’re adjusted to(Si?)

thanks in advance xx

Hi anon,

You know, I've always had questions about the whole "Si is the function physical sensory awareness" because I am fairly aware of my physical needs but like...I am only human, and there are physical sensations I tune out, and I also have a decent pain tolerance, and I've found recently that when I have a job that is less routine-based that takes me away from a desk and a big water bottle I don't actually remember to drink water. And a lot of people who ask for typing will very specifically cite "but I don't have much bodily awareness and I forget to eat" as evidence they must be intuitive, but that's the only argument they really have.

Also I know this is basically a meme on tumblr at this point but I think people conflate executive dysfunction or merely getting distracted and forgetting to eat with functions and it's like...perhaps this is just ADHD or something, which brings me to my point. If you have exceptionally high sensitivity to clothing and things like tags and labels, and it sounds like you do...have you asked a physician about it? This sounds like straight-up sensory issues (which I believe are often but by no means always a symptom of autism or anxiety but I am not a doctor) and it probably has nothing to do with MBTI. Like I don't think you're uncomfortable because this is outside of what you are used to, I think you've just got some kind of tactile hypersensitivity.

With that in mind I don't know what your type is although the rambling nature of this ask makes high Ne seem pretty reasonable.

#mbti

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