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#i would be confident in identifying as a gay dude
sadaveniren · 1 year
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Sometimes the homophobia inside the house is so much stronger than outside. And that's just... I don't know what to say.
Oh, and if you ask why I'm saying this, well. The community kind of made me stay in the closet, because I was not a gay or a lesbian and therefore not welcome into the community. And of course not that welcome to the outside world for that matter. Yeah
For sureeeee. I'm so sorry the community is for everyone and some people truly don't understand how excluding groups of queer people from their own community is so damaging ❤️ The infighting within our own community is so damaging and harmful to queer people who don't fit into what some perceive as "acceptable" and "family friendly" BUT it is also not welcoming to people who aren't in the LG(sometimes B and maybe just maybe T) area and this isn't even beginning to touch on people who don't fall under the label of "white" within the community and how they identify/present themselves.
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moonlightsapphic · 1 year
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Y'all aren't ready for this storytime.
So in 9th grade, one of the loudest girls in our class fixated on making me her latest project. At the time, I was still learning to cope with (undiagnosed) selective mutism and was the weirdo in the class. S thought I was chill, and I just needed to socialise a little more: interact, take pictures with people, wear makeup.
As the months passed, we became really close. S was a bit of a disaster: Her family wasn't the most stable, and neither was her mental health. She was conventionally very pretty—curvy with silky waves dyed caramel, sharp facial features and confident poisture. She was a bit outspoken and active for the liking of most guys in our conservative south Asian small town, but just pretty and charismatic and elusive and ✨ deep ✨ enough (even as a teen) for men to overlook that and try to slide into her dms and such. S spent her teen years jumping from toxic relationship to toxic relationship—fortunately with people our own age only.
She was just the type to reel in my chronic empath, neurodivergent ass as well. I loved pleasing S, impressing her, hanging out with her, being vulnerable together, comforting her. She was one of the only people that could keep up with my hyperactive texting, and despite our big differences, we had enough common interests to have something to talk about nearly 24/7.
(Looking back, I can definitely see some neurodivergent traits in her as well.)
When I was deeply crushing on this dumb dude that I thought was the coolest because he played guitar, was good at math and expressed feelings™️ well, I was pretty private about it. S literally emotionally coaxed me into telling her the truth. We were up late texting; she was—unsurprisingly—pretty down and I was keeping her company. She asked, “You know, I consider you to be my closest friend, though I don‘t say it a lot ... Will you tell me the truth? Do you like him?” If I‘d read that in a book, I'd be sure there was some romantic tension between these two characters.
When I had my first weirdly-sexual gay dream at seventeen, I was alone in her room with S later that day and hyperventilating. I was already in a very monogamous (and boring, in restrospect) relationship with that same dude and very happy about it, but that moment truly was the first step in my bi awakening. (It was probably inspired by some of my favourite public figures of the time, like dodie, coming out and talking extensively about it.)
I distinctly remember this one night when my boyfriend (spoiler alert: he’s trash) had been mean and made me cry. I was scared he would break up with me in the morning over this one tiny little mistake I’d made. S stayed up with me all night, and by daybreak I felt a flicker of feelings deep inside, of possibilities.
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Unfortunately, as we neared 12th grade graduation, S began to get more conservative. She started to put her religious beliefs above any and all personal principles she once had. Ergo, queer people are sinners and also women should cover up and listen to men plus the country should become a fully "Islamic state" and get rid of all other religious minorities to achieve doubtless true utopia.
Uhhh … yeah.
Incidentally, she seemed unworried about following the same rules herself—her “faith” really shone when she was telling other people what to do, or being bigoted against a certain (religious, racial, ethnic, queer, et cetera) minority group she herself didn’t identify with. It was really just an excuse to feed her ego, perhaps a coping mechanism even, and it was hypocritical.
Let me make it clear here that the beliefs she kept citing are mainly a very specific set of interpretations of Islamic scripture that’ve come to be widely taught in our region at this moment in time. They by no means reflect the beliefs of all Muslims (and, in this case, were very informed by the bigotry of the cis-heterosexual, perverted, greedy old men who historically created these rules to maintain their power). S here absolutely is not a representation of the lifestyle and disposition of every practicing Muslim person.
ANYWAY, she began to make remarks about me posting LGBTQ+ positivity content on my social media, or feminism of the brand she didn't like. In my conflicts with shitty dudes from school, she would only support me if her ~ beliefs ~ allowed it. Additionally, she’d always been pretty emotionally volatile, but it had gotten worse since graduating school—She would get mad or upset with me now for being absent, insensitive, et cetera, asking for reassurance but in intense defensive attack mode. It was behaviour I never encountered from any other platonic friend.
As you can see, S wasn't very good at maintaining boundaries, or being open to other points of view. Her negative approach to many things in life often rubbed off on me as well.
With time and growth I found more friends who were like-minded to myself, whom I didn't have to tiptoe around lest I offend them or set them off, who were far more loyal to me. I’m a sensitive person—and I found a warmer community, much better for my mental health. So in our twenties, S and I organically drifted apart.
When I (finally!) dumped my shitty boyfriend (he’d turned extremely sour over time because he hated that I’d grown a backbone), and began happily dating a woman that I was very much in love with at the end of the year, I realised that having friends who support my queer identity is non-negotiable to me now. Just interacting with the queerphobes from grade school hugely triggered me, and I decided I no longer needed to carefully maintain niceties with them.
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And it would all have ended there, except S wasn’t having it. We had drifted apart a while ago, but as soon as she saw that I was posting a bunch of pictures with my girlfriend, she began spreading rumours trying to out the both of us.
(Mind you, we weren’t out to anyone yet at the time. S was purely speculating, but she was spot on—I just couldn’t really figure out why this was the thing she decided to fixate on.)
And then, as if she thought I would forgive her straightaway for attempting to out me, she started hitting me up in my dms every few months demanding I give her an explanation for why I abandoned her. Each time, I patiently told S it wasn’t intentional and I had had mental health troubles. (Namely, ADHD, which she herself had once convinced me was impossible.) If she truly wanted us to keep up with each other, she could just reply to my stories in good humour and ask me how I’m doing instead of repeatedly villainizing me out of the blue. (I never brought up the outing thing, or anything queer-related at all. I didn’t want to give her any more leverage than the bits and pieces of evidence she had dug up herself, conspiracy-style.) However, that would only keep her away temporarily.
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Not going to lie, the way she kept coming back to gaslight me into taking her back was an exact copy of what my ex-boyfriend had done for months. It was hilarious, and tragic.
… And (I realised later) kind of gay??
She’s been in a relationship with a really docile (*cough* ball-less) dude who agrees with all her conservative principles since 12th grade. (Honestly, good for them, they deserve each other.) I don’t think S has ever had feelings for me as much as she simply felt possessive of me. She regards it as betrayal that I am happily out and queer, and she can’t tolerate that some other girl has replaced her as my one true ✨ gal pal ✨. She's jealous, but it's hard for me to believe her jealousy is purely platonic. It's like she wanted us to be a pair of suffering queers-in-denial sacrificing ourselves for neurotypical comphet society together, hand in hand, forever. For the greater good.
How romantic.
I noticed a few weeks ago that she's finally removed me from all her social media—around the same exact time that my ex-boyfriend (whom I haven’t spoken to in years) blocked me.
Ah, two breakups that I initiated years ago coming back uninvited, for attention that I literally have zero interest in providing.
So bringing back this post:
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Reading this was like a major brain go brrr moment to me, because I was like ??? That’s a queer thing??? No way???
And then I read through the comments and saw that every single sapphic person was like “uhhh yep we never dated though good riddance,” or “ugh yes and we ended up dating and it was so toxic we broke up soon after good riddance”.
For the first time in my life, I actually considered that S might not have been a straight queerphobe, but an incredibly suppressed dumpster fire of a queer person with extreme internalized homophobia.
And … it all fits.
She's always been sultry and glamorous in a distinctly sapphic way; I just never was able to exactly put my finger on it. (In high school, sometimes I'd look her up and down and go whoa.) I can totally imagine a parallel universe in which we forget men and attempt to date each other instead. After the first few months of euphoria, she’d probably get us into an anxious-avoidant trap the same way my ex did. She’d cheat on me with a man because of her internalised homophobia, then dump me and come back crying to gaslight me a dozen times. It would take me much longer to get rid of her than it did to get rid of my dumb man ex—because ✨ shared queer trauma ✨.
I really, really dodged a bullet with that one. My girlfriend is the most wonderful, soft, and nurturing person I know, and she is my soulmate in more ways than one. I am very happy, and this is your PSA to not just date the one other queer person in your vicinity when you know you aren't good for each other. Be like me—run.
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spiceberrie · 11 months
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favorite fragments from this one since i’m going on a playoffs related article binge so i can feel vindication when the numbers crunchers who don’t believe in LEON DRAISAITL eventually predict something wrong
also this one from the sheldon keefe article:
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i think his dedication to kayfabe and making people miserable bewitch me. like whoregate aside i think the writing was on the wall regarding his uh progressiveness... or lack of... and oomf also said something that i do agree with, (for me because this is not like all other rpf where for example the kpop idols have a moral obligation to be role models and personable and likeable so they can build on this relationship and make $$$ which isn't to say that the same can’t happen but again), What was said is that:
if you’re surprised it’s your own fault LOL and also my biggest grief with mt19/2919/**** bandwagoners like what are you guys seeing?! how did he end up as fictional queer gay baby when he’s just a local country club douchebag?!?! which is also my problem w people who enjoy zegras in a straight-forward manner.
whatever. my point being: i do think he has said worse LMAO and i don’t have the gene for enjoying ““““““““““““big dick energy”“““““““““““““ but i can rationalize this for myself as. what else would you expect from a hockey player?! and you can expect better i just don’t understand what about matthew tkachuk provokes 100k gaypeople fic where he’s gay angsting about LEON DRAISAITL treating him bad... whatever!
Matthew Tkachuk talks. Matthew Tkachuk produces. Matthew Tkachuk either earns the spotlight or demands it, and following Florida’s Game 5 win in Boston, he’d done both.
well it’s so. i’ll get to it soon but it’s so LOL you know how there’s this whole uprising of 4th liner goons need to learn how to control the puck too bec just fighting won’t go far in the nhl etc which is like the tkachuk thesis beaten to death but there’s something interesting about this guy who’s getting better and better every year acting like he’s been a veteran from day 1, like he’s old school and gritty to run through a wall for the W etc. and it’s just this sheltered hockey legacy? like what even. i think calgary did wonders for his accountability and what-not but you can’t convince me this gated community dude is as thugish as he wants to seem. granted he’s bashed for turtling so
and Tkachuk — in Year 1 with his hand-picked franchise, doing exactly what the Panthers bet he’d do — has led the way. He isn’t just a great player; he’s an anti-hero. And in a league that couldn’t identify a compelling narrative with two hands and a map, he’s a welcome gift.
i do get what they’re trying to do i’m just not sure if that’s what EYE would do. it isnt like COMPELLING NARRATIVES are a dime a dozen let’s be honest here!!!!!!!!!!! and if anything is MATTY TKACHUK the most compelling one you can find?! like really... like the dirty is handmade and that dawg was surgically implanted. in-vitro.
it is fascinating to see like the one-man army underdog angle. mostly because it’s untrue but it pisses people off so a win in my books.
That’s the quantifiable stuff. If you care about the other end of the game — grit, grime, human drama — Tkachuk has leveled up, too. He started his work ahead of Game 1. Was he clowning the media? The Bruins? His own teammates? Choose your own adventure.
“I don’t even know if ‘underdog’ is a right phrase for us right now, going against that talent and everything they’ve done this year over there,” he said. “We have our hands full. We got to play very, very, very well — if not perfect — to win a game (in this series),” he said.
i hate the lady gaga 100 people in a room 99 don’t believe in you speeches but i love the SAYING THE THING THAT UPSETS THE LARGEST AMOUNT OF PEOPLE discursive strategy. he has such a brain for media duties like my dude....... do not be fake coy in front of me! he was very confident they were gonna do it bc might as well but @ interviews he would just be like We’re trying so hard... Every guy in this room believes in us and i’m not sure if there’s anyone else believing.... We only have eachother.... <- i mean. congrats on keeping the straight face.
Before the game was over, he’d goaded Linus Ullmark into trying to take a poke at him. Ullmark, of course, is a goalie. He got tossed for his trouble. Tkachuk came out of it $5,000 poorer ... Two days later, he was scoring an overtime winner, taking advantage of a brutal puck-handling error by Ullmark and prompting a Hall of Fame postgame press conference by coach Paul Maurice: “That guy is a — and then you put a long string of profanity — gamer,” Maurice told reporters. “Is he not a gamer?”
[...] Ullmark, anecdotal or not, hasn’t been the same.
fine.......... im buying it what else.
also CRASY LEVELS OF GOALIEKILLING TT-TT it makes me feel so bad for ullmark like imagine letting mt19 get under your skin so bad it just ends up as this shitshow. when it was korpisalo i had a laugh tho so + they call it “his Game 4 trollfest” ????
i am not immune to being interested in matthew tkachuk. i am however immune to m*ttdrai because it pisses me off sooooooooo much and i think if we could isolate the two of them away from each other everyone would have so much fun...
like not to GATEKEEP and POLICE but there’s an angle in this story that DOES compel me. and it is that they’ve been pushing for this guy ever since he got out of alberta and it’s been facilitated by USNTDP + legacy background ofc but also he’s been trying too hard to make it happen. like MVP at the all-star game? so i’m not saying you have to be skeptical of his SINCERENESS but it’s so funny when people buy into it completely LOL people have to start appreciating fakeness and facetiousness more. it’s not a bad thing or a moral failing he’s doing his job as an entertainer and i’m only giving him his laurels... to end i do not think he’s sick in the head insane like most GREATEST PLAYERS OF THE WORLD he’s just a sagittarius eldest brother.
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so funny. nightmare polycule [shoves connor between them so i can tolerate the pairing a bit more and also so filthy 2919ers can’t crop him out]
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@ that anon asking about everyone's assuming Erik's gay: i was wondering about the anon confidently saying that he 100% has a boyfriend as well. Little preface that i have some personal discomfort and issues with speculating about people's sexuality so tbh writing this at all is making me kinda uncomfortable rn but i just had to get this off my chest/out of my brain one way or the other. So fuck it.
If you listen to the podcast he has pretty much outright stated that he's not straight, that much is clear, but just like another anon from a while ago, listening to the podcast there's a lot of little things that could also sound more like something along the lines of bi/pan/m-spec e.t.c. moreso than 100%, 6 on the kinsey scale, homosexual. (I personally also think that calling him gay would be accurate regardless, since he's not straight and imo at least gay can very well be an umbrella term for simply not straight people)
Of course a exclusivly gay man, or anyone for that matter, can joke around and stuff but idk all the
-:his friend says "dream girl!" about someone eriks talking about and he respondes "i know, right?!
- his friend randomly exlaiming "pussy" and then "that's not a game" when trying to think of a game and erik responding "but i like to play" with a, for lack of a better word, flirty face/voice
- when telling a story about a girl working at mcdonald erik saying something along the lines of not wanting to have to see her fist a milkshake or something like that but then his friend makes a certain face and he does a kind of "well, i meeaann..." response/does that face again
- if i rembember this correctly, him simply saying something along the lines of "we don't discriminate here" saying something about "girl pussy, boy pussy, nb pussy" e.t.c. when his friend was joking about something like "lock you're daughter's away, the hyp boys are in town", which i guess if he were exclusivly gay and his friend's straight and he's talking about "we" in that context it could still cover all the bases but i still rembember thinking that sounded like something i'd expect a bi/pan/m-spec person to say idk?
And again it's not like a homosexual dude couldn't make jokes like that (and also all the talk/joking about pussy bears mentioning that not all men/masc people have dicks anyways, so there's that) but idk at the end of the day i don't want to make any too strong assumtion about it either way i guess, and i don't think that all people that simply refer to him as gay are making a specific assumtion like that either (at least i think/assume they aren't?) but then i was suprised to see that people like that anon (which idk if they watch the podcast?) confidently stating that he has a boyfriend e.t.c. seemingly so certain on the "only into men, 100% never into women, i mean who tf even knows on nb people?" assumtion when i've been noticing lots of moments in the podcast that might make someone think otherwise?
Idk, another moment that, while also yes a exclusively gay guy could react this way as well, was when his friend told a story about a girl assuming he's gay or bi bc he isn't stereotipically straight guy masculine but him telling her "no, i'm straight actually" and her being all like "well if you're not gay you can be my date" or something like that and erik doing a mocking like "well if you're not gay, prove it, fuck me on this table rn" type bit in a way that made me think back to a verilybitchie video were she talked about people baiting her into having sex with them (back when she still identified as/presented as a man) by like challenging her sexuality, asking her to prove it, so women being like "if you're really not gay prove it by sleeping with me" or men being like "if you're really not straight prove it by sleeping with me" which is a really unfortunate and gross thing that some people do to bi/pan/m-spec people and again it's not like a gay guy or lesbian or for that matter straight person couldn't be aware of and make fun of that kind of shitty behavior it's just another moment that made me think.
At the end of the day (unless he did state something more specific on discord back in the day or something like that and i'm simply not aware of it) it was just suprising to me to see some people seemingly make the assumtion that he must be exlusivly homosexual?
I personally was just clear on the fact that he's not straight and anything beyond that is up in the air and, frankly unless he wants to say something about it, his business.
.
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moonsliver98 · 2 years
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Dude. My Dress Up Darling is so refreshing.
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I had been avoiding this show because of some clips and gifs I saw online, I thought it would be the same old generic plot with good animation thrown in and popular due to fanservice. While the fanservice is a considerable part of the show, the story and characters themselves are a breath of fresh air, to be honest.
Marin is, of course, the popular, sexy female protagonist. But is she actually sexualised? Of course, the male gaze would be primarily focused on her exposed skin and glammed make-up. However, Marin herself does not live for male attention. In fact, her confidence is in her own body, she dresses up and cosplays because it's her choice, even when she wants to wear coloured contacts in front of Gojo (she literally doesn't care if she's wearing a bra or not.) And I think she's pretty empowered like that.
On top of that, she is not the (misogynist) stereotype of the strong girl who has no iota of sensitivity because apparently, women cannot be independent without being insensitive and domineering. Marin is such a genuinely good and caring person. She never invades Gojo's comfort zone or takes advantage of his helpful nature. When he says he would not be comfortable around her exposing so much skin in her Veronica cosplay, she teases him playfully but never imposes. (For easier understanding, reverse their genders. Now you see?)
Gojo is also very heartwarming, definitely not the foolish, obliging, clumsy male protagonist that would have been the expected trope opposite Marin's out-going character. He is hardworking, skilled, dedicated, genuinely empathetic. The fanservice might make him look like a pervert but he really isn't transgressive, or an obnoxious one who will deliberately sneak a peek at women's underwears.
Finally, the portrayal of the cosplay culture is very very fun to watch for someone who doesn't care enough to invest even in cheap cosplay but loves admiring all those costumes.
The basis over which all the characters bond, especially Marin and Wakana, is actually so important. It might appear commonsensical, but newsflash, most people actually lack common sense so it has to be said out loud.
1. Doesn't matter which gender you identify with, you can pursue any hobby you like. It doesn't make you "crazy" or "creepy".
2. It's a lovely thing to be dedicated to something you're passionate about.
3. Talking about your interests, especially the ones which mean a lot to you, can be hard. It takes courage. (Hits a little too close home when you've had people invalidate you time and time again lol)
4. It's important to have things you refuse to compromise on.
[P. S: Marin is a goddess. I have gay panic everytime she's on screen.]
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sevprince-91 · 7 months
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HEARTSTOPPER 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️
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I binge watched Heartstopper Season 2 today and this is my absolute honest review about the show. Not some expert film making review, but a review of the idea of the whole show in general P. S. I haven't read the book, please don't kill me!
SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️
As an ever Queer loving individual, I have always supported the LGBTQ+ community, ever since I decided to make decisions out of my parents' grasp.
So I didn't think twice before binge watching this show, both the seasons back to back.
And it was one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.
I love this show.
But as the show moved on with it's second season, I actually learned somethings new.
This show isn't just about a bunch of Queer folks who are identifying themselves as one, it's about all the troubles they get during the phase of identification, not just from other pupils around them, but from their own family as well.
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I loved how they showed via Nick that sometimes opening up to friends and family can be difficult, even when you yourself are confident about what you are. Like when people asked him, "are you really gay?" and he be like, "I am actually bisexual." He isn't trying to prove that he still likes girls, he is saying it. That dude's sure about it. He likes both and he is proud of it. But he loves Charlie so they are boyfriends.
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Also I loved how they showed via Isaac the face that asexuality exists and that's it. They are what they are. The fact that they are nice people is important. I mean I would have killed in high school to have a friend like Isaac. Also I loved how they showed through the relationship of Isaac and James (the supposedly other gay kid in their class) that it's okay if you don't feel the same about someone in return, but be clear about it. Tell it to them, instead of breaking their heart or pushing them away. If people are good, like James was, they will always understand.
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I loved how Imogen was realising what she deserves and making good friends, which is a very important part of school life, to have good friends, because some of them....they last forever. Also I loved how she outright broke up with Ben in public.
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Also coming to Ben and Harry.....there are always people like them who knowingly make one feel miserable and derive pleasure out of it (sadism)........to have someone to control, maybe they are facing the similar thing at home, I don't care. You have no right to treat someone like shit, just because you face the same thing. These people can just never move on from the fact they lost control over someone. They keep stalking them and try to apologise to them only to make them look like a good person, but they don't deserve our apology or sympathy.
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I loved how they showed the bit of gray in our all cool Darcy's life, it just makes her feel more closer to me. But it's okay. She will be fine. She has got a bunch of really good friends and a very understanding girlfriend to help her get over it.
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Finally I loved how they showed that no matter how 'little' the bullying is or the bullied person tries to show it is, it always has an effect. Apparently Charlie seemed fine with everything, now that he has a perfect boyfriend and his friends were going great as well, but the fact he wasn't eating was a very serious issue and not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend / lover like Nick in their life to notice that and think about it. So yeah, eating disorder is a very serious issue, I learned it today. Luckily my bullies were never strong enough to make me feel like that (because most of them are failures in their own life in some way or the other and I am a lot sadistic when it comes to my bullies but I think they deserve it. This is the most damage I can enjoy from afar.)
In the end, this show is a book for those who want to delve deeper into the minds of our lovely pupils from the LGBTQ+ community. It will teach you a lot about them, about how can help them, support them and be for them in time. I saw it because some time or later I would want to have kids and I just want to make this awful world a better place for them, starting from this.
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For HOMOPHPBIC people, it's interesting too, as you will get to see Tao and Elle's love story but if you are homophobic then I think you should see a professional first. Because no way a normal person can be homophobic, It requires severe degree of brain damage to be A HOMOPHOBIC
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manbehindthemask · 1 year
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I'd love to hear the explanations behind some of the songs you choose for Jules as well
god you know i love talking about music i could kiss you on the mouth
here's the playlist i have for jules (so far)
I/Me/Myself - Will Wood
“While I whittle my bones until I’m brittle, am I pretty now? / For some reason I find myself lost in what you think of me / And too confused to choose who I should be”
Jules identifies as cis BUT he likes using ‘they’ pronouns every once in a while. He also plays a lot with gender when it comes to clothing and self expression, too. As confident as he appears, his childhood has left him with the desire to be accepted by others. He constantly yearns for approval because his mother never gave it to him.
Goodbye Horses - Q Lazzarus
“And I said, “Oh, no, sir / I must say you’re wrong / I must disagree, oh, no, sir / I must say you’re wrong / Won’t you listen to me?”
Jules tries to keep a positive outlook on life even though his positivity is usually beaten down pretty quickly by others. He’s also incredibly naive about the world and how dark it can be. Even when people argue with him, he believes there’s more to the world than darkness.
Season 2 Episode 3 - Glass Animals
“Leftover breakfast cereal for lunch / She’s broken but she’s fun”
Jules is a fun dude to be around but boy does he have internal emotional issues that have left him scarred. I also feel like this song reflects the sort of chaos that is Jules’ life, both in an impoverished stance and in general.
Savages - MARINA
“Is it running in our blood, is it running in our veins? / Is it running in our genes, is it in our DNA? / Humans aren't gonna behave as we think we always should / Yeah, we can be bad as we can be good”
Again Jules’ naive outlook on life often has him giving people the benefit of the doubt. He believes that at the heart of it all, people are good. Even so, he has seen the bad with his own parents, especially his mother. Deep down, he’s afraid of what people are capable of.
Inked in Red - Vision Video
“So here I go again, I’m crawling on my knees / Through the jagged era of uncertainty”
Reflects the way Jules travels to try and find meaning in life. Each piece he makes, he thinks maybe he’ll figure out what it’s all about and what he’s been put on this earth for, but each time he returns to being uncertain and looking again for that meaning.
Them Changes - Thundercat
“Why in the world would I give my heart to you? / Just to watch you throw it in the trash”
Jules wears his heart on his sleeve but people aren’t always nice to it. His parents were always distant if not abusive, and his ex turned on him the minute he admitted to being gay. When he falls for Jason, he’s terrified it’ll all happen again, but he trusts his gut.
KEEP YOUR HEAD UP!! - MilkCan
“It was the 36th time that he'd broke my heart / It was the 80th time that I'd fallen apart / I knew from the start it was gonna be rough / But not as painful as this”
Jules never really learned a healthy way to handle his emotions when they’re not positive. He also is the kinda person to wear his heart on his sleeve, so it definitely gets broken often.
Dummy - The Regrettes
“I know you can't figure me out / Don't you wish you knew what I was talkin' about? / You got my tear stains on your shirt / I'm the worst, what a curse / But you don't have a doubt”
Jules is so, so emotional. Sometimes he can’t handle his own emotions and it is what causes people to push him away. He just wants people to like him but that's so hard to manage when you're just... emotional and vulnerable.
Lowlife - That Poppy
“Old suitcase, clean getaway / I'm the one who takes the blame again / New day but the same lines / I feel like a victim of the dollar sign”
It’s no secret Jules’ upbringing was not great, but once he was old enough to leave his home, he felt so free. He still has to deal with the weight of the world when it comes to having money to just survive from day to day, but it’s still far better than being home with his parents.
that's probably more than enough but you know me, i love an excuse to share some music <3
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xenofemmez · 2 years
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Lil Blog info
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This blog is my genderhoard/hoard blog! Where I rb genders n terms I identify with/as! You can rb posts from this blog! Like the term reposts, n any post on here, your welcome to rb if you want to. Unless I state on the post itself or in its tags(if its a post i made! not a rb of someone else's), that you CAN’T rb it, you can go ahead n rb the post.
Spam likes n rbs are also fine, this isn’t my main blog so,  it won’t clog up my notifications there. So feel free to do so!
I do NOT take gender coining requests, or any requests of any kind at the moment, that miiiight change at some point? possibly? All depends on if I feel confident in my ability to make things for others. Until then I’ll be posting and coining things for myself here, n other people are allowed to rb em n identify with them too d:]
Note this blog is created for myself first and foremost. I coin things for myself here(and occasionally friends of mine) and people are welcome to id with whatever I’ve coined if they feel a connection to it/relate to it/whatever. People are welcome to make alt flags of things I’ve coined: like say you find the flag too bright, just let me know before you do.
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Do Not follow or Interact with me if you are: Anti Mogai, A Exclusionist, Anti Mspec gays/Lesbians, a Paraphile, Propara, Transid, Transrace/Trace, Transx, Transabled, A Map or Pro Maps, or a Proshipper, Xenosatanic, Medpunk or Radqueer or support those groups.
No super big dni here, If I’m uncomfortable with you interacting I’ll simply block you.
If you see me rb from a not good blog do let me know! I’m not always aware a blog isn’t good sometimes.
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❗❗Currently need help finding a few Genders Any help finding them would be appreciated❗❗
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Most important tags for this blog!:
My Coining postz: Just as it says, Things I coin myself, for myself or possibly for others.
Term Repost: Me reposting a term so I can save it on my blog/Archive it for myself. Will always try to say who originally coined whatever it is.
Flag Redesigns: Just as it says, Alt versions of flags I made! Mostly made for myself. No one is obligated to use them but you’re welcome to if you want!
Questions about like, my gender identity n stuff is completely fine to ask, so long as you’re being respectful! Idk what else to say besides maybe introducing myself a lil bit!
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Hi my names Cade, but I also go by Moss, Rosie, Henry, and Neon! I’m 24 years old and simply just a queer fool. Your local femme bear, xenogender, transmasc, Hoardfluix, queer dude.
I am FNAFkin, Mosskin, Cryptidkin n Werewolfkin My kin are a big part of my identity!
>You can find my pronouns here< >En,Pronouns page can be found Here<
Idk what else 2 put. so uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh
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>Picrew<
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realhankmccoy · 2 years
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youtube
i just flirsted with and beat off to the hottest man in a 65 mile radius i am sure of it, he's living in muh home state
sort of funnie, i had the life he longed for and just gave it up to pursue the life he has
i'm this raggedie thing too salt of the earth self-absing for me own good... i doubt i am gonna be 'sane' enough for this gui, tho i am nothing if not a paragon of sanitie in a crazie world...
but damn did he ever bounce back sex talk to me the best ive seen in ages...
and he is gae, gai, gae gai gai like all the hottest dudes he calls himself gae.
an adult, not all these kiddos who call themselves bro and kiss up to the patriarchie like clueless cucks whos reward is never coming for them, the bone the real alphas veri high up will nver throw 2 kids who identifie as dogs. fuck.
its sort of overwhelming, the majestie of this man i prob cannot have, and would struggle so much 2 have the life he has now. u are supposed 2 work with ur strenghs per capitalism
i reject what capitalism wants and
work on me weaknesses
but i am not sure the two men i aim to emulate... i am just not built to be hunkie and confident
i have a certain confidence in meself and a lot of doubt
for example it seems increasingli unlikeli i will make a big 'snowglobe' of an artistic contribution 2 the world
but 2 displae confidence... oh no
sigh
i can't renovate meself fast enough for this dude and that is so often da problem
he is also in2 charitie... lists it on his profile. basicalie i never see that on the phone apps... he is the first.
honestlie i have seen him a decade ago... but alwais seemed wae out of me league 2 even talk 2... and not mi kind of person knowing nothing about him then.
now i am smitten... and i am sure it prob will do me little good
i am a home renovation project that is never finished and that has no home sigh so relate to edward scissorhands just not complete and if u keep jumpin up on me like some dumb suburbanite some tipical partriarchie first dad or bruce or chicago boi or me bio brother or these assholes dime a dozen online well there will be porcupine hands
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cinanamon · 3 years
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I want to write a lesbian romance book. That’s all.
#the amount of lesbian/bi tiktok complications I’ve watched is alarming#def feeling more comfortable with a bi label/getting closer to being okay being it/identifying?#but DUDE okay the smiles that two girls in love can’t hold back? the bitten lips and bright eyes staring into each other’s?#the urge to hold their cheeks and laugh and blush fiercely and think /I would do anything for this moment to last/ /I’m in love here and now#THE FUCKING POTENTIAL. the ROMANCE is TOP TIER and I honestly don’t think Het romance could ever#I really think I need a bi boy lover/BFF or a girl who I’ve been friends with/in love with for so long it’s just natural to date without the#title idk. I hve so many standards for men but for a woman I’m just like 😳 you know...we just moved in together to save money...but we cuddl#e on the couch and surprise each other at work and share finances and cook each other dinner with wine 🥰#but also! Catholic guilt and internalized homophobia strikes again 🥴#but YEAH the book I want to write is just a girl falling for her roommate at college and being adventurous and running alongside trains and#learning to skate in empty parkings lots and drinking slushies and staring at each other’s stained lips#that laughter a pointed out form before while they run their hands through each other’s hair and along the napes of their necks#and doing each other’s makeup and staring heatedly into their eyes bc you’re in their lap#but pulling away too quickly and they pull you back in and the kiss is fucking explosive 🤩#god I’m so bi wtf#my men scenarios are so fucking specific in comparison like I LITERALLY always said I wanted a feminine guy. how did I not realize before#I love it when they’re beautiful and elegant and every white cos jock makes me 😷#give me a bi artist boy who’s a switch and either really shy or super chill/lazy confident and we’re bffs before everything else#but also women with long dark hair and beauty that intimidates?? they smile but you just blush and get nervous bc omfg I’m scared??#my gay awakenings were literally asami from avatar/Katie McGrath/sunmi come on#LMFAO look at my rant bye#ty for reading#rambles#delete later
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absolutebl · 2 years
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I try not to speculate too much about the actors themselves, but I do wonder, do you think First is queer? I definitely don't get a straight vibe from him, and his performance in leofiat kissing scenes always felt a little more real than Ja's.
Is that BL actor actually queer? 
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Oh I don't play this game. It's possible he's just a straight up better actor. Has more empathy for the queer experience. Is slightly kinky so gets masculine submission better. Or he's just good at telegraphing something specific that you personally identify with in body language or facial expression.
In my experience, performance to convey chemistry is largely a matter of social and cultural comfort and body autonomy. The actor has to feel relaxed in his own skin.
It's awkwardness that kills sexual interest on screen.
It's self-consciousness that kills inhabiting a character/alt-personality.
A good actor has to displace selfhood, has to leave their own wants to the wayside, including sexual orientation. However, most actors never have to do that last bit - most of them never have to think about their own straightness because most roles are built around the assumption of it. That fact alone makes the performance of passion particularly challenging in BL.
BL is not easy on these boys.
So let's take the queer out of this and talk about a different actor.
Jung Hae In is a South Korean actor who has played the lead in a number of K-drama het romances (Something in the Rain is my favorite). His chemistry with all his leading ladies is really flipping excellent, better than most leading men in the K-drama world.
Korean het romances can be very stiff around physical chemistry in particular, for socio-cultural reasons. Jung Hae In seems to have figured a way around that conditioning. Now, do we assume he's straight because of that? Or do we assume he was raised in a different culture? Or that he experienced a childhood with more than normal outward shows of affection and physical touch? Or is it just that he's a really good romantic lead actor?
On a different note.
There's a part of me that thinks a closeted gay man is going to have things a lot harder in a BL role than any other actor. He's got to fight to perform well and stay in the closet, that's got to be an identity mind fuck that translates onto screen. Not to mention how hard it would be if he had a partner IRL as well. So being stiff and bad at being gay on screen might be more of an indication of gayness, not less...
And being really good at being gay on screen might actually be a sign of someone who is hella comfortable and confident about being straight. Or comes from a culture where (cough cough Taiwan) it's just less of an insult to one's masculine identity to kiss a dude as if you enjoy it.
Not to play devil (judges) advocate or anything.
I mean there are a few out Thai actors who do BL, we could go back and watch their performances. But honestly I think all we'd learn is it's a matter of how good the actor is, and his sexual orientation is not going to be conveyed in a predictable way on screen.
What you're responding to is the actor's ability to authentically convey character, nothing more.
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bluewinnerangel · 3 years
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have you analyzed that interview where it's just Lilo and people thing they look like they're flirting with each other? I think your comments would be hilarious
This is just gonna be a ramble rather than an analysis sorrysorry <3
I HAVE NOT. Okokokok this one is the flirty one:
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~it's a ramble, it's a cut:~
I love their dynamics, it's so cute. All interviews are turned into chaos by these idiots at all times. They keep throwing each other off. And then they very elaborately just keep explaining what threw them. Liam tries to keep the interview up but simultaneously tries to prod (NO PUN) Louis, but Louis is just studying Liam like a hawk and just... trying shit and being more interested in just banter-y narrating what Liam's doing and not helping the interview not until he's gotten his comments in first. He also just keeps saying Liam is impressing him and being a genius and what not. It's so funny.
Louis.loves.to.fucking.mess.with.people. And you can debate whether that's flirty or not. Pretty sure he'd call it "banter" [butthenagainwhateverthefuckheandharryaredoinghe'salsocallingthatbanterso]. Liam here's not that different from his other interviews I feel, if you look at his recent insta lives it's pretty the same to me? Louis the moody bitch has got a whole lotta faces and here I do think it's on the flirtier side of the spectrum LOL. Just getting all the following in to say don't wanna shut things down and these lil shits actually just actually flirting hard like pls sign me up (and I'm not gonna pretend that moment at 1:22 doesn't look like narrator: and that's the moment they knew. The enemies to lovers "oh". asdkjalskjd IT DOES.) but I don't think they are, but even if they were it wouldn't invalidate any other relationships dynamics they might or might not be having with anyone else or each other really I'D honestly LOVE IF IT WAS ACTUALLY FLIRTING I fooking lov that my ass lives for that shit yes kings fking flirt your way through interviews yes pls just see how far you can take it and who backs down first in front of the cameras. Getting the other to blush basically. Knowing you're charming. Using your charm and confidence. Something I cannot identify with in the slightest thanks. Anyway which I think is totally something they(ot5) have done many many times, both joke and not so much joke flirting just god damn coming onto each other for funsies to make each other uncomfortable in public, especially on stage. Anyway Louis here is in general being some kinda oh wow Liam look at you saying stuff mood, however you view it he's paying close attention to Liams behavior. I think he's just tired/relaxed and this is just his default state. Like yeah it's intimate and I'd be intimidated af if that was sitting next to me but I just think that's what he's like.. just a very charming warm (overwhelming) presence. LHell yeah imma give you shit and it's gonna be charming af and i know it lakjsdlkjhg. [WHICH LET ME SCREAM MAKES IT ALL THE MORE EXTREME THAT THIS ONE OTHER DUDE IN THE BAND THAT HAS THE FUCKING SAME PROBLEM OUT THERE THOSE TWO DUDES TOGETHER WHO THRIVE IN THAT KINDA BANTER JUST DIDNT ACKNOWLEDGE EACH OTHERS PRESENCE FOR THE LATTER HALF OF THIS BANDS ACTIVE YEARS OK NO THAT'S NORMAL MUST MEAN THEY HATE EACH OTHER] It also doesn't help that the interviewer's sitting on the couch with them on the other side of Liam and that's where the camera is as well, so it just looks like Louis is only looking at Liam and maybe he isn't so much, but really I can't tell.
Also there's a possible innuendo here, at 0:47 Liam's getting cheeky asking Louis about his greatest experience in the band, which, is possibly funny to them because lol gay because lol he fking knows what his gReAtEsT eXpErIeNcE is. I mean if you looked at enough footage of them (which yes hi) you know that god forbid they'll pass up on any innuendo anywhere. So he's kinda... prodding... a lil? Maybe? I think Louis' response is to deflect that obvious (to him at least) behavior and then they just OK IMMA TRANSCRIBE THIS BECAUSE IT IS THE ONLY WAY TO APPRECIATE WTF THIS IS:
Liam: [...] wants to know what's the greatest experience we've had whilst being in the band? That's what she's wanting to know Tommo what's your greatest experience mate
Louis (probably thinking this cheeky fucker): great presenting skills there Liam i'm very very impressed
Liam: [sounds very [??] not sure how this works really but I'm just throwing it out there
Louis: You can give it a go,
Liam: Yeah that's okay
Louis: everyone likes to try it (don't knock it till you try it)
Liam: Yeah (throws a hand? like throwing it out there)
and then they go back to interview mode ITS SO GOD WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS
THEN at 1:09 there's a cut, but with what's actually in the video you can kinda speculate what was cut out: Liam says Louis was looking into the camera, in relation to the question they referred to the best place theyve been as the "vibiest city" and that's apparently using the word "vibes" is funny, and Louis says Liam embarrased himself there.
The ending is very interesting too because Liam goes from being entertained to not at all REAL QUICK with the fan marriage question at the end there. He's just DONE instantly. Which I mean after 5 years of those kinda questions in interviews that's very much understandable, who wouldn't, this is just one example of many of these boys getting bombed with ThIs GiRl tHaT gIrL !!gIRLLSSS!! !!mArRy a GuUuRrlLLL!!.
This was a pointless ramble but I hope you enjoyed it hahahaha
Also leaving more bits from this interview here:
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And this one got very little views even:
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(recent interview "analyses" HERE and HERE)
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cotccotc · 3 years
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SKZ REACT to...
 ⿻ you coming out !!
genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff with some humor
wc: ~1k
warning/s: (obviously) descriptions of coming out to someone (in terms of sexual orientation, not gender), my dumb commentary lol, these are just my ideas! obviously i have no idea how they’d actually react, but i just feel like these scenarios are pretty likely.
a/n: this is pretty casual and silly tbh haha. it’s been sitting in my google drive for a while so i thought i’d finally post it :) i tried to make this as non-descriptive as possible while also getting the point across !! hope it makes u smile hehe <3
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“there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you. i’ve kept it a secret for a while now, but i think it’s time you should know. [insert a statement about your orientation here].”
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⿻  CHAN
he’d try to be really responsible about responding to this.
he’s the type of person who would thank you for telling him. he’d just be so happy you feel comfortable enough to confide in him.
i could definitely see him asking you questions about it right away, wanting to have an adult discussion about it.
as long as you’re comfortable with it though !! he doesn’t want to push.
you’d be able to tell how professional he’s trying to act, which is comforting but also a little funny.
once you point it out, he’d finally relax a bit and chuckle, his ears turning slightly red from embarrassment.
still, through talking about your sexuality and answering his questions, both of you would really benefit from the conversation and feel closer afterward.
for some reason this one made me really emotional oof NOW ON TO THE FUNNY ONES :DDD KFDJS
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⿻  MINHO
in all honestly, you’d be kind of scared to tell minho.
you don’t really talk about these things often, so you might be nervous to see how he responds. but when you do tell him…
“oh so you’re an icon? ok cool”
HE’D HYPE YOU UP SO HARD OMG
LINO BEST WINGMAN <333
if you’re ever out and he sees someone you might be attracted to looking your way, he’ll be sure to point them out and encourage you to talk to them.
“come on! you’re a badass, remember? you can do it!”
which… normally that isn’t too big of a deal, but as he encourages you to talk to someone who he previously wouldn’t have known you’d be interested in, it warms your heart.
and, if you hit it off with that person, he’d hold it over you for the rest of your life...
which is typical !! so, nothing’s changed !!!
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⿻  CHANGBIN
i’m not saying he’d cry… but i’m not saying he wouldn’t SKJDD
ok LISTEN
he’d first ask if you want to talk about it a bit more (your story, how you figured things out, the feelings that accompanied it, etc.)
when you agree, he’d listen carefully and consider what you might have had to go through during the process of realizing this is who you are.
this man would get EMO
might write a song about it later tbh
his respect for you would go through the roof omg
after you finish explaining, i think he’d be a little choked up !!! he’d tell you how proud he is of you and how strong you are for being your true self.
ok now I’M gonna cry oh nO-
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⿻  HYUNJIN
you and hyunjin are very open about your emotions and confide in each other often.
i’m going to tell you exactly what he’d say, and i want you to imagine it with me, okay?
you’re going to be able to *hear it*, i promise.
ready?
“yay~”
(imagine his soft voice and lil hands clapping oh my goodness oh my goODNESS-)
can you see it? do you hear it? thought so.
he’d act similarly to chan, but with a bit more enthusiasm.
you’d probably end up having a deep conversation regarding sexuality and gender afterward, and it would be really therapeutic for the both of you.
you both trust each other a lot and are respectful of each other’s feelings, so acceptance would be a no brainer for hyunjin (uwu).
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⿻  JISUNG
he’d get a little nervous, honestly.
for good reason! he’d be scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. and he can tell this is super important to you/making you feel just as nervous.
his first instinct would be to give you a big hug. no matter what, it’s his go-to reaction to big announcements, good or bad. and this is a good one !!
once you break away, he’d be a bit quiet, allowing you to explain yourself. he’d hold onto your hands though, especially once he sees them shaking a little.
he’d straight up ask: “so who else knows?”
why? so he doesn’t accidentally out you to the other guys.
or literally anyone else he sees DFKJ
overall, things would be a bit awkward at the very beginning because he wouldn’t know exactly to handle the situation, but he’ll just be really considerate of your feelings in order to move forward.
also it would end in a high five but that’s obvious
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⿻  FELIX
i feel like felix would be the most casual about it, in the best way possible.
he’d make it seem like you coming out was just a subtopic in the conversation and talk calmly without sounding startled by the information at all.
but on the inside, he’d be SO EXCITED OMG
rainbow cupcakes
he’d force his way onto the gay side of tik tok just so he can send u videos he thinks you might relate to or laugh at
the JOKES
(with prior consent, of course)
“i see your jeans are cuffed today…” cue stupid lil smirk
plays “sweater weather” by the neighbourhood every chance he gets
let’s say you’re up late together:
y/n: “dude i need to go to sleep. i can’t see straight.”
lix: “i wonder why” *cackles*
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⿻  SEUNGMIN
“lol duh”
when you come out to him, he’s just like..
ok cool, i know that, what’s next?
obviously, he wouldn’t be rude. however, he’d definitely try not to make a big deal out of it since he genuinely doesn’t think it’s that big of a game changer.
he knows it’s important, of course, but he’d prefer to normalize it right away than make it into a big thing.
“so… do you have any celebrity crushes i don’t know about?”
you’d spend the rest of the day/night talking about your sexuality in the most nonchalant way. you’d recount stories of realization from your past, and seungmin would listen and react just like he would any other time.
*gasp* “really?”
“i know i don’t know this person, but you’re way too good for them.”
regardless, seungmin is able to make you feel comfortable right away. he just has that effect :’)
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⿻  JEONGIN
baby bread = confused but accepting
didn’t see it coming at all
for starters, it’s not that he wouldn’t know what it all means, but he’d definitely ask for a bit of clarification just to make sure he knows exactly how you identify, especially if it’s somewhere in the bi/pansexual realm.
once you explain it to him,
q u e s t i o n s
when’d you figure it out? how? with who? was it a cartoon character? he heard about that once...
nevertheless, he wouldn’t make a big deal about it, similarly to seungmin with a dash of hyunjin’s soft excitement.
“our y/n’s just so full of love for everybody, huh? so thoughtful of them.”
“make sure to save some of that love for me, please?”
sure, innie. sure.
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also this may or may not be foreshadowing something that’ll be announced on the 25th at 12 am kst :D uwu
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tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​, @kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​, @kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )
©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.
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steveyockey · 3 years
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you've talked in the past about whether dean is aware that he's in love with cas, and i was just wondering if you think he's aware that he's gay/bi? i feel like he has to know on some level. also i am curious about whether you read him as gay or bisexual? but i understand that answering that might start discourse so feel free to ignore that question lol
I think dean, if he has had sex with men, thinks he’s a guy who has sex with men. if he did it for money, he definitely thinks he’s a guy who has sex with men for money. if he fucked benny in purgatory, he was a horny guy effectively in a warzone. I don’t think, in any case, whether he has had sex with men before (I respect fic or headcanons around pre-series boyfriends or late series experimentation, just like, for the sake of keeping this ‘canonical,’ I would say he hasn’t aside from possibly hooking) or felt anything towards any man before cas (alternately the show does nothing to suggest he hasn’t had crushes on men and everything to suggest he has had many crushes on men, mostly unattainable men or in passing so he doesn’t really have the chance to actually understand what those feelings mean) he’s going to process his attraction to men as anything aside from a) bromance/appreciation or b) a slur any time before the confession. on some level he’s aware it means he’s a faggot, but the dude is a repression machine. there’s eight or ten lines of reasoning going on in his brain about how he’s not gay he just enjoys cowboys and john wayne and hanging out with his best buddy, or he is in love with cas but it’s not a gay thing, or he’s in love with cas and it’s a gay thing but he’s not gonna let it be a gay thing which is basically the same thing as it not being a gay thing. it’s not like, a conscious process. there’s a bit in sedgwick’s epistemology of the closet (audience groans) where she’s talking about john marcher of henry james’s the beast in the jungle and basically says marcher’s secret isn’t that he’s gay, but that he has a secret that he might be gay; he’s not closeted because being closeted would require a perception of the self as the thing the self cannot be. “it is not a closet in which there is a homosexual man, for marcher is not a homosexual man. instead, it is the closet of, simply, the homosexual secret—the closet of imagining a homosexual secret. yet it is unmistakable that marcher lives as one who is in the closet.” and so it is unmistakable that dean lives as one who is in the closet.
after the confession is up for grabs on this. he could come out to sam literally the next day and I don’t think it would be that off base as part of his grieving process. probably more likely that it would take a while for him to really accept being a member of the lgbt community, even after rescuing or being reunited with cas, and he still might never give himself a specific label. confidently identifying as a guy who likes dudes in and of itself would be a big deal for him, as it is for like, anyone trying to understanding their sexuality. which probably sounds like I’m dodging the last question and maybe I am but honestly cas is The One for him and I don’t think he’ll ever work through all the messy baggage around the way he has coached himself to have sex with women as a coping mechanism, so it doesn’t actually matter a ton whether people online think he’s one or the other and a lot of the reason anyone thinks any character is any sexuality is because they share that sexuality or they have some configuration in their head they are trying to match. perfectly reasonable! I’m just tapping out of that.
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feralhogs · 5 years
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#Rambling#Are you serious Tumblr I described my whole dream and you just wouldn't post it?#So here's my dream#My gender was walkin around in two halves. One girl side one boy side the latter my pov... Probably has to do with worrying how ppl see me#And this dude fell in love with the girl side and I went up to him and said if you really feel like that#You can't just choose a half you want you have to sign up for the whole deal#And he didn't at first because he was worried about being gay but then he figured stuff out and wrote me a poem#A poem!!!!!! 💗#Wow... I want someone to write me a poem#And part of it went like... You are the day and the night. Which is pretty good for DREAM POETRY#Meaning genderfluidity ish stuff. Like... Having different sides and energies in a balance#I woke up so happy I felt so understood!#It's been on my mind a lot how to explain how my brand of nonbinary feels#And always feeling torn and unseen with mlm and wlw stuff and mens and womens spaces....#Not really identifying OUTSIDE of it like some Nb peeps do either. Like wishing someone would recognize#Like you don't see androgynous flags around here#But if you can feel fully like either or both? Lmao people wanted me to be a girl so bad and now I gotta be a Transitioned Absolute Boy.#It's not like I'm likely to present very feminine either...... Specifically.......#I only like to feel like a woman if I can be very masculine. And I only started being comfortable being feminine presenting as male#Someone in the trans group said transitioning and feeling more comfortable and confident can help you get in touch with who you really are#And I think that's what's happened#🤔
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transsexualhamlet · 3 years
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asmr i psychoanalyze hide for fun
a lot of these are just stupid headcanons but a lot are also how i feel that’s just the way he is so
I know no one will read this it’s so very long but hello he’s my comfort character
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(the words are under the cut bc THERE ARE SO MANY WORDS)
thoughts: It’s funny because most of the characters that I really love are just fucking idiots. So stupid. No thoughts head empty. And like at first glance you’d think the same with Hide, he’s got the look of a real dumbass, but he’s actually a really smart person? He just kind of, hides it. He did say he was like allergic to books once (it’s the adhd, king) but that doesn’t change the fact that he emotionally is actually a very intelligent person. It’s something he’s humble about because I don’t believe he really identifies with the intellectual crowd or sees himself as particularly above average, he just finds it easy to understand things. And he doesn’t ever use it for his own advantage even when it would be totally fine to do so, he pretty much always uses it to help other people and I think he believes if he used his strengths to help himself it would be, like, selfish. Which is a problem of his.
gemder n brand of gay: A lot of people in yonder Fandom like to see kaneki as bi and hide as gay but nah fam you’re off. Honestly I do not care about his Date With Rize in the slightest, that man is a homosexual. Hide is the bi one. (it’s not like this is a requirement or anything lmao i am just Saying also i’m bi and i’m projecting) I can also say with confidence that date with Rize was the only date Kaneki’s ever been on and he was definitely lying to himself. (i just, don’t know how you could look at Haise specifically and for one second think he has ever seen a boob) Hide’s the one who’s probably dated people before and he actually knows what’s attractive, he probably just doesn’t discuss that a lot with Kaneki since the bitch is Closeted and hide knows this. It’s funny because Hide canonically has two dads. Like I think that kind of explains him tbh. Bitch has good parents??? He’s the only one but we love him for it. U know Kaneki spent more of his life at Hide’s house than his own.
And as to gender, like obviously hide’s a guy, but i think he’s one of the few cisgenders who could like... tell you why. He’s well versed in those kinds of issues and has just thought about it a lot I guess? He’s comfortable in his skin and with a conventionally masculine appearance but he could tell you what Boy TM means other than yo macho man dude bro guy
personality type- ENFP-T: I took the fucking test for him and it was like... so easy. Took me ten minutes. 
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basically what this means is it just calls him out as a fucken loud ass sunshine boy who has very many emotion and cares way too much about his friend
love how this part of the description describes kaneki and hide perfectly
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biggest strength: he’s so good at helping people?? Like I can honestly say if some random person started rambling about their relationship issues to him I’d give him 10 minutes before he had a perfect solution, he had the person crying and being comforted in just the right way. He’s the perfect medium of confident and caring and he’s not just a fucking ray of sunshine on accident, he’s like, mob psycho 100 style actively working to be nice and compassionate. He’s very aware of how his actions affect people and he always knows just the right thing to say, what to do, when to just let things go or when to say them. And Hide will forgive, literally anything, even if someone does something really shitty to him he’ll realize it’s the product of like, unresolved mental issues or something and seek to fix it instead of cutting the person off. It’s... really good for everyone around him. But well,,, not great for him, see below.
biggest weakness: bitch does nOT leave room for himself. Although he is generally a confident person and isn’t very insecure, he knows he’s giving too much of himself and simply ‘pretend i do not see it but in reality i do’. He’s never put himself first and feels more worthy when he makes someone else happy, and it’s really not that visible but it can take a pretty big toll on him. He’ll feel anger and frustration for his problems but eventually he will end up blaming himself for anything that goes wrong and will just resolve to Try Harder. (which, mood) He does problem solve well and he tries to come up with the best solutions to issues but the fact is he just does not prioritize his own happiness within those solutions. He gives too much and it’s fucking killing him.
what he likes most about himself: Although he does have issues obviously, I don’t see Hide as someone who has particularly low esteem of himself. I think he pretty much thinks he has himself figured out and therefore other people’s problems come first. He generally does, think fondly of himself, because most of the time he can fix people’s problems so he’s yknow, a good person. I think he likes his ability to enjoy life and live in the moment, and he likes his connections and friendships with other people. He values emotional connection and he likes that he can easily create and enjoy good vibes. He loves being the one who everyone just... goes to for a good time.
favorite things: I think I heard somewhere that he enjoys dumb american bands without really understanding what they’re saying which seems very on brand for him, but I’m gonna perscribe him some other stuff too. Obviously he likes bright colors and comic books, and places where he can have fun with other people. He generally likes college, even though it’s like, school, and unlike kaneki he actually had a good childhood and he enjoys the places he spent time and formed good memories, he has Nostalgia TM (see unbelievable by owl city hmmm he vibes to that he was born in 1996 or something right i can’t google things) he also just really likes to just, fix other people’s problems but we’ve covered that. 
what he’s doing right and what he’s doing wrong: Hide is doing his best. He’s no less flawed than any of the other characters in tokyo ghoul, it’s just that his strategies tend to involve 100% less murder. Ok no, let me rephrase that, Hide is flawed, but i meant like emotionally, he’s not a war criminal like everyone else. He may seem at first glance like, just, perfect? Sorry for being a simp lmao but I feel like from the outside he’s just got it all together right? He knows what he’s doing and he’s super nice and helpful and smart and humble and just doesn’t have any visible flaws? He... tends to hide any evidence that he would ever be struggling. And that’s not very sexy of him. He feels it would be a burden on others to show pain or ever say he can’t take something on (if someone asked him to do something he’d do it even if he was already mentally at capacity etc) and that’s something he needs to work on. The good thing is that if they got to a point where after Kaneki’s Character Development they got to just... like, be happy and not be separated and everything Kaneki would be good for him because he compliments that. Hide helps him because he needs a lot of like, mental counseling lmao but now that Kaneki’s gone through a lot of that his eyes have been opened more to the fact that Hide hides his problems from Kaneki so if they could just bE HAPPY this is an issue that could be resolved
insecurities: I think Hide kind of believes he’s not allowed to be sad. Cause it’s like, not his job. He’s the source of happiness for everyone else, supposed to have everything together so he can fix everyone else’s problems. he’s not allowed to be in pain or feel bad for himself even though he knows “Boys Can Cry” it’s like, yes boys can cry, not me tho haha lmao it’s not about his masculinity it’s just he’s like “yeah but kaneki’s had it worse” so like if he finds himself in a bad place, he feels inadequate and like... fundametally broken. and it’s. Like. I felt that but also like king that’s not how it works
goal in life: I think he wouldn’t really be able to answer that question. What the truth would be is that he probably wants to do something grand and important that helps a lot of people and kind of changes the world. But he might not really think of it that way, since he’s usually focused more on smaller more isolated issues and he has no idea what he wants to do as a career. He admires activists and people who put themselves at risk but it probably makes him feel inferior that someone else is Doing Something About This Big Problem and he’s just sitting there riding around on his bisexual bike and being in college. (I’d like to say he’s probably changed majors at least a few times,,, that man was like “oh yeah lmao i’m gonna be a comic book artist” but someone said something about how he’s a good therapist and he’s like “brb kinshift i am now a psychology major” lmao.) (hello i am projecting but i’m right) He sees a tumblr post about some issue somewhere and he hyperfixates on it for days until he sees another post about something worse it’s an issue. But I think what he ended up doing was what he wanted to, even if he never recieved any recognition for it the internal sense that he was doing something Right TM in the eyes of history would probably make him cry
how he was raised: I can’t really say much to this because there’s barely any canon on this and the canon that does exist I have completely ignored other than the fact that he has two dads. Bro tbh? He didn’t need any tragic emo backstory I think he had a great childhood. Honestly he’s probably a rich kid. Not super rich but he’s not struggling man. Not gonna lie to you I think the only reason he went to Kamii was because he wanted to be at the same college as Kaneki who probably got a scholarship. Hide, didn’t. (it’s not like he’s not intelligent but I don’t really think that his grades are his biggest priority, the only time he ever pays attention in class is to give kaneki the answers when he’s gone) 
What irks me about the random lore drop in the last chapter about him having a CCG dad that died or whatever- it kind of ruins the whole point for me. Personally I choose to believe he had nothing whatsoever to do with ghouls or the ccg before all that happened to Kaneki. He probably had correct opinions on them, but only like, in theory, it’s like straight people that are like “yeah ofc gay ppl valid” but they’ve never really had any personal experience with any. So when he gets involved in that- the fact is that the only reason he was... was bc of kaneki. It was never more complicated than that to me. YKNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST, NICE, OK? 
And I think for me that the fact that he could actively choose to be nice and be aware of all these problems when he’s practically got every advantage in life is a lot more important. He didn’t have to be poor or have a dead parent or have a shitty childhood for him to be really genuinely good. I don’t think he’s ever been bullied or anything, but he can still be aware that it sucks to be bullied. I think he was just... raised right. I think his dads are probably pretty fucking baller for him to be such a bro. They taught him the right shit.
General philosophy: Hide is one of the only people in the series for whom the dynamics of right and wrong are not hard to understand. He’s never been required to pick up a weapon or actually truly fight in the CCG, he’s never been really mean to anyone. Of course I can say he’s probably decked a few ppl that made fun of Kaneki in middle school, but haven’t we all. The thing is that though he’s never suffered at the hands of others, everything that’s hurt him he’s gone in fully consenting to it- he can still understand and forgive what everyone else has done. Like bro he’s the literal only one around who’s not like a literal war criminal, but he’s not going to think he’s better because of it, because he understands that if he had been in their circumstances he couldn’t say how he would have turned out. 
That’s why I think it’s so important that he never really had a bad childhood- he’s not better than them for turning out without any blood on his hands, because he was never required to. And he knows that and he goes through every day with all these people who have and is conscious of it. He can’t ever say he’s incapable of hurting other people, because he would have said that about Kaneki before all of it happened. So he’s quite politically correct compared to Kaneki and the others but he doesn’t see things that way.
relationship bullshit: i mean bro i know this is a serious post about like psychological and emotional things but i felt the need to discuss whY does everyone write hide as a bottom I mean like sure he’d bottom if his partner was a top but this is simply not the case with kaneki look at him. Hide. Service top. I rest my case. The man’s the biggest switch ever but when he’s a top he’s a nice top. I think Kaneki needs that to be perfectly honest. He really likes to take care of people. Also kind of off topic but his love language is quality time he just wants to play video games wit da homies and he might fall in love a bit
I find it genuinely funny how much i cannot get away from the tentacle porn on the god forsaken archive of our own just looking at the tags i already know it’s so out of character haitoheoihesdsdsa and don’t get me started on the vore
how kaneki sees him vs how he actually is: One of the biggest problems in kaneki and hide’s relationship is how in the beginning, Kaneki didn’t really understand at all that Hide could be hiding anything from him. Kaneki’s not good at picking up clues like that in general, but the fact that he was hiding so much himself didn’t help at all. Hide gives off the vibe of someone who has no inhibitions and shows every side of himself without hesitation, and Kaneki really does idolize that. He didn’t realize that Hide could possibly be suffering or imperfect compared to his vision. He sees Hide as practically an angel, and that’s exactly how Hide wants Kaneki to see him, because he doesn’t want to burden Kaneki with his own problems since he believes they’re not as important and they would make Kaneki sad. Kaneki knew Hide wasn’t as oblivious as he seemed, but he didn’t really understand what that meant until too late. The good thing about Kaneki’s character development though is that it then helps Kaneki understand that Hide was suffering because of him and he didn’t want Hide to hide it anymore (lmao). If they’d only executed that point well that could have been really good but well that’s what fanfic is for
how he sees kaneki vs how kaneki actually is: This one’s a lot more difficult, because well. Hide’s very good at knowing exactly how people are in their hearts, compared to Kaneki. But there are definitely some things that he’s not super up on. He wasn’t around for a lot of Kaneki’s development, so most of the time I think he still believes Kaneki doesn’t want to see his pain, which is, simply incorrect, Kaneki would obviously not be happy to hear it but it would tear him up inside to realize he’s been oblivious to it the whole time. He’s grown a lot more mature since he spent most of his time with Hide, and I really think Hide could benefit from being able to open up to Kaneki the way he is now. And well. I think his biggest misconception has to be that Kaneki enjoyed women lmao
the most him thing i’ve ever done: listening to a happy upbeat song and visibly bopping while also uncontrollably sobbing
miscellaneous headcanons: 
-he’s a morning person lmao. Motherfucker gets up at 6 AM and Kaneki is like PL EA SE NO
-what he finds attractive is like. twinks and girls with hair in colors that don’t exist and ppl who don’t know what gender is
-He likes Imagine Dragons lmao you can see by the next point
-his coping mechanisms are mostly music and other people tbh he’s like “oh i am having emotions? disgusting” *goes to a party*
-he plays dnd and he mains a warlock i don’t make the rules
-he doesn’t look like someone who would do that shit but he probably knows how to use tarot cards
-idk how but that motherfucker is so neurodivergent i can smell the hyperempathy on him look at that man he has so much adhd
-he’s fully aware that his fashion sense is terrible and continues to wear more and more ridiculous clothes to piss kaneki off
-this man has tungle dot fuck. Look at him. His url is probably something along the lines of my ao3 username lmao
-he can see the forbidden shrimp colors smh
-this bitch likes mob psycho 100 and the promised neverland, kaneki keeps telling him to watch death note and he’s just like n   o hhsdfhhfdshdfshdfs he probably kins tpn emma
-he doesn’t know how to drive lmao he bikes everywhere and he lives in tokyo
-i am once again thinking about how he was in a play with kaneki and kaneki was the main character and he was the spicy side character that’s not a headcanon just. that
songs that are, him: 
-Stand By You (Rachel Platten)
-Luck (American Authors)
-Love (Imagine Dragons)
-If I Lose Myself (One Republic)
-Stardust (New Politics)
-Secrets (also one republic)
-Flaws (Bastille)
-100 Bad Days (AJR)
-I Lived (another one republic lmao)
-Battle Scars (Paradise Fears)
-Rise Up (Imagine Dragons)
yeah he definitely listens to this shit lmao
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