#i woke up to a lot of rly kind and lovely asks after a rough night | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

nockfellblues · 4 years

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I don't know if you do these kinds of asks but how about reader pulling a hunger games type moment and confronting Larry before he kills himself saying if you go I do too I won't let someone I love die alone type thing.

All aboard the angst train ♥ written as a mini fic! TW for attempted suicide! Reader is gender neutral.

If you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline and get the help you deserve. Call 1-800-273-8255. If you are like me and are afraid to call, there are also live online chat options as well, located HERE!

You’d known for awhile something was... off with Larry. Ever since Sal had officially moved in with Todd and Neil, Larry had been stadoff-ish on a good day, and on bad days would seclude himself in the tree house, Sanity’s Fall blasting from that tiny stereo so loud you could hear it from your shared basement apartment. To say you were worried about his behavior was an understatement. Especially after you’d begun to notice the pattern of near constant headaches, the fact that he was always saying it was too loud in the apartment, the occasional mutter of, “shut up,” to an empty room when he though you weren’t close enough to hear, and the quickly worsening whip of anger he’d been developing… You were walking on eggshells at any given moment.

Finally, it all hit a breaking point.

You had been helping Larry pack up the remainder of his non-essentials, getting them ready to go over to his new room at Todd’s. It had been a process to pack a lot of his stuff up- it was a whole lifetime to sort through; countless weird knick knacks to decide to keep or not, finding old drawings and sketchbooks from his childhood, finding a random little thing that had been lost years ago tucked away in a dusty corner someplace…

To be honest, it had been more reminiscing about his childhood and the memories about each of the items you both went through than it was actually packing. But it was fun, and the wistful smile he wore as he told you stories of his mother, his missing father and his years of shenanigans with Sal and Todd made every wasted second well worth it.

When you unearthed a little silver puzzle box, you expected a fun story and for him to add it into the donation box for the local second hand shop for some needy kid to enjoy it later. But the simple question of, “Trash or stash?” quickly devolved into an argument about how much you didn’t care about his sentimentality or that it was an important object to him- and it just got worse from there- until you gave up, tossed up your hands, and stated you were gonna bring the box you’d finished earlier over to Todd’s while he cooled off, and walked out.

When you’d gotten there, the first thing you did was tell Sal what was up, hoping maybe he’d have some kind of wise words or what you could have done to set Larry off in the first place. Sally, ever the sweetheart, pulled you into a gentle hug, reassuring you that Larry was probably just having a rough patch and that he would talk to him and see if Larry might open up about it.

Taking Todd up on an offer to stay the night, you threw on a movie and made yourself comfortable on the couch, falling into a dreamless sleep.

Neil woke you the next morning with a killer cup of coffee and a poor mans breakfast of sugar coated pop tarts. Sally had come around not long after, letting you know Larry had texted him, and they’d be headed to the apartments for some, “Ghost hunting.” He seemed kind of tense but reassured you that he’d talk to Larry today, before he met up with Ash. Of course, you’d thanked him, and settled into Larry’s soon-to-be room to start sorting out some of the easier boxes.

—–

You woke up later, sprawled on the couch, to the sound of Todd rummaging in the kitchen. Yawning, you stretched and made your way out to greet him, smoothing out your bead-head.

“Hey Todd, how as class?” You asked, grabbing a seat at the kitchen table.

Todd shrugged, idly stirring an instant noodle cup, “No complaints. How’s Larry’s room coming along? Sal said you were unpacking this morning.”

“Well, I made it through the clothes and some oddball boxes… Did Sally mention anything about Larry by chance?”

Todd shook his head, “No, but he left with Ash almost as soon as he was back, so we didn’t have much time to chat. Knowing Sal, things should be smoothed over. He’s always been able to mellow Larry out like that.”

With that, you decided to head back and see if Larry was feeling any better after some Sally time. It was getting dark, and the thick clouds looming overhead finally opened into a sweeping downpour just after you had left Todd’s. You stopped under a thicket of trees just off the road, hoping the rain would lessen, when your cell phone went off.

Larry: [Name] im rly sry. i nvr meant that shit i said.

[Name]: Dude its all good i know youre stressed lately. Im heading back now.

Larry: stay at todds. and just dont blame urself ok? its my time to go.

[Name]: Larry wtf are you talking about? youre scaring me?

Without waiting for a reply you took off towards the apartments at a breakneck run. Bypassing the front door, you ran around the backside of the building to use the back entrance, when you noticed a light on in the old tree house- Then your gaze trailed down to the baggy with a neatly folded paper pinned to the lower steps on the tree.

You felt your blood run cold. He wouldn’t- no.

“Larry!” You scrambled up the rickety planks, ignoring the note, and all but threw yourself onto the tree house floor. “Larry, don’t!”

Tucked against the wall of the tree house, just under the little window, sat Larry, an old camping lantern lit in the corner beside him. His eyes were puffy and his hair disheveled, evidence that he’d been crying before. Tears welled in your own eyes as you took in his distraught expression and the bottle of whiskey in his hands.

“[Name]..?” He whispered your name, and the way his voice cracked brought you to instant tears, and you all but launched yourself at him, pulling him into a desperate embrace.

“Larry Johnson, you fucking asshole! Don’t you dare- don’t you dare take a sip from that bottle-”

“[Name]-” you cut him off, taking his face into your hands and forcing him to look at you. The circles under his eyes were so deep, and the absolute emptiness in them broke your heart.

“No! You listen here, you fucking string bean- you don’t get to do this. You can’t just… just push me away and expect me not to worry. You can’t just text… text me something like that and not expect me to come running to- to fucking keep you from being stupid! What the fuck am I supposed to do without you?!” You were openly sobbing now, practically screaming at the boy who all but held your entire world in his hands. “You’re all I have! You can’t just-just leave me behind and expect me to move on- who am I without my other half, Larry? Who am I?!”

He scrunched his eyes closed, tears streaming down his cheeks again, as he shook his head.

“If you fucking kill yourself, I’m going with you. And you can’t stop me.” You knew it was a dirty trick to play, guilting him like this when his soul was this ravaged and he was so vulnerable- but you were being honest. What would you do without him in your life? What about Sal? God, what about poor Lisa? He was so dear to you all, so loved, and he was ready and willing just throw it all away-

“[Name], I-I can’t take it anymore- I just- the cult shit, that demon, the ghosts! The fucking whispers- they’re dri-driving me insane! I‘m not like you or Sal- I can’t handle this shit anymore!” He finally breaks down into heaving sobs at that, burying his face into your shoulder, and dropping the bottle in favor of a bone-crushing embrace that you readily return.

You kick the bottle away from Larry, as far as you can get it, and quietly thank whoever will listen when the cap pops the rest of the way off, spilling the amber liquid and the mostly dissolved remnants of pills onto the tree house floor.

“…Why didn’t you just tell me? Or even Sal. Someone. You know we’d do anything for you, Larry, absolutely anything.” He didn’t reply, just shook his head and pulled you closer. What the fuck was was this place doing to him? You had to get him out- get him away- Larry’s phone vibrated from the other side of the tree house, but you elected to ignore it, praying whoever was calling was also smart enough to find you both before things got any worse.

He sniffled, hiccuping into you shoulder, “I’m so sorry, [name]. I didn’t mean anything that I said the other day- or anything I said in those other arguments. I just- This- this place is.. I think I’m going crazy-”

You shushed him, smoothing a hand down his hair and he devolved into body-wracking sobs that shook you both with the sheer force of them. Your soul ached for the boy you had known almost all your life- the boy you grew up with, shared secrets with, made countless memories with, and loved with all your heart.

Why didn’t you see this coming sooner? “I know, Larry, I know. This place- there’s something still wrong with Addison apartments and we’re gonna get you out of here, forever. I promise.”

“I-I’m so, so sorry, [name]. Please... Please don’t leave me.”

The rain continued to pour in violent sheets outside, but you distinctly heard the frantic voice of Sal, calling Larry’s name, as he ran towards the tree house. You had never felt such absolute relief in your life, even with Larry clinging to you like a lifeline, and the stain of his near-death slowly seeping into the floor of the tree house just behind you.

“I’m not going anywhere, Larry. I’m with you, always, no matter what happens.”

—fin—

WHEW. I tried to make it so you could read their relationship as either romantic or platonic, and tried to stay as neutral as possible in gender as well! I hope this is alright, and I hope you like it! I’ve actually never seen the Hunger Games so I kinda went my own way ♥

I’d also like to use this space as a PSA:I’ve struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts and tendencies my whole life- don’t let your depression convince you that you are trapped or alone or unloveable. I know its hard, and there’s no easy fix for it, but there are things in life that make it worth sticking around. Even if its something as silly as looking forward to a new game or story or waiting for a flower you planted to bloom, there are reasons to keep living. Please be kind to yourself and remember, even if we’ve never spoken or interacted or existed in the same space, I know that you are worthy of being loved and cared for and you are not alone.

If ever you feel like you are truly alone in this world, please reach out- there will always be people out here willing to lend a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and a friend to those who feel lost ♥ I know i will always be open to anyone out there in need of a friend so, please, never be afraid to reach out!

#sally face #sally face headcanon #sally face imagines #sal fisher #larry johnson #my writing #reader insert #xreader #larryxreader #i know the link will make this not show in the tag #but i wont take it out #it needs to be there #tw: suicide #tw: Depression

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harryhighkey · 5 years

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sympathy

holy heck yalll!!!!!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡ thank u all SO much for all the love on netflix cheating!!!♡♡ i truly was not expecting that on my first imagine!!!!!!!!♡♡♡ yikes!!!!!!!!!!♡ i can’t even let yall know how happy it made me!!!!!!!♡♡♡♡♡ i rly thought no one would care and want a part 2 but i got so many asks for it so thank you SOSOSOSOSOSOO much omggggg♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

ugh i hope yall like this second part as much as the first!!! i personally am rly proud of it :~) :~):)~:~):~)~)::~) if u haven’t read the first part here’s a link to netflix cheating!!!!!

okay i’ll shut up now !!!! here’s part 2 happy reading ♡

__________________________________________________

The next morning was rough.

It was long, your head was pounding, your throat was scratchy and your eyelids felt like sandpaper rubbing against your eyeballs every time you blinked. You felt worse than the mornings when you woke up with a terrible hangover after drinking cheap wine all night. You weren’t one to complain though, you knew you felt like this because you barely managed to sleep last night. Every time you did manage to nod off, you would wake back up in what felt like seconds. You were heavily distracted to the point where you didn’t even notice the intense thirst you had built up. You always drank so much water at night because if you didn’t, you’d wake up with a throat like you had this morning.

Harry had found it odd when he first met you, but that was partly because of how possessive you were over your water bottle - that always sits on your night stand - the first night he stayed over.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You snapped suddenly when Harry had reached over you to grab the water bottle. Your water bottle.

“I’m thirsty.” He responded as if your question was ridiculous, his expression bemused to match.

“So... we can go get water from the kitchen.”

“What?” He laughed and clearly did not notice how serious you were being. Once the water bottle was in his grasp you quickly snatched it back, holding it to your chest like you were a five year old with your favourite teddy bear. “Why can’t I just drink out of that?”

“This is my bedtime water.”

“Your what water?”

“Water that I don’t share.”

“We just had sex.”

“You had sex with me, not my water bottle.”

“So I can put my mouth on your pussy but not on your water bottle?”

You laughed when he said that. But you still didn’t give up that water bottle. Instead, the two of you went to your kitchen and once you’d both had water to drink, you fucked again on the bench top.

That was such a better time and you’d thought that last night was going to create other good memories you could think of when you needed them. Times like right now, when you were still so in the dark about what had happened. Suddenly your phone started vibrating harshly right in your hand and you jumped. You’d been aimlessly scrolling through Instagram and you really hadn’t taken any notice of what posts you were liking or even what you were looking at but when you saw Harry’s name on the screen with a yellow heart beside it, your phone suddenly had your full attention.

“Hello?”

“Oh. Hi, you answered quickly.”

“My phone was in my hand.”

“You didn’t respond to my messages.”

“Oh...” Your stomach dropped. “I didn’t get them.” Your voice was rushed, you were panicked, you didn’t want things to become even worse.

“Is your phone on do not disturb?” At his question, you took a second to take your phone away from your face and sure enough that little moon symbol was in the top right hand corner of your phone. You always forgot to take it off in the mornings.

“Sorry.” You apologised sheepishly, it was a terrible habit you had fallen into. Some days you would go hours and hours of accidentally ignoring your friends. If you hadn’t added Harry to your favourites list, his call wouldn’t have made it to you either.

“S’alright.” Silence fell between the both of you after he responded and you hated it. The two of you always had such a good repartee, it was one of the main reasons you’d both realised how much you liked each other so early on.

“Are you driving?” You’d heard his turn signal and wanted to say something to break that silence.

“Yeah, actually on my way to the studio... which is kind of the reason I messaged. Think I left a pair of headphones there that I need today.”

“Wait, I think -” You cut yourself off to look over your shoulder and you saw them sitting atop the tall white draws. “Yeah, they’re here.”

“Fucks sake.”

“Sorry.” You instantly apologised again, hearing him curse, you were feeling very on edge and considering you didn’t know what to apologise for in order to fix what happened last night, you weren’t taking chances with anything else.”

“What? No.. Don’t be. Not your fault, Y/N, jus’ annoyed ‘cause I’m already almost at the studio.”

“I could.. um, I mean if you wanted, I could bring them down. I’m not working today, so.” You were hesitant to offer at first, afraid of the potential rejection that could follow. And as a silence fell through the phone call again you held your breath. You could picture him in the car almost perfectly. One hand on his steering wheel and the other pinching his bottom lip between his thumb and forefinger. “If you’re gon’ be busy though, I get it.”

“Uh.. nah I can take a little break when you get here. We should talk.”

“Yeah.”

---

In the hours leading up to right now, you had been fucking stressed. Everything you did while getting ready was constantly joined by a pit of anxiety that bubbled stronger with every passing minute. You’d sent a text to Harry to inform him you were in the parking lot outside, you didn’t want to intrude here on days even when you were good, this was his working space and you wanted to respect that. So being here now, with how you both had left things the last time you saw each other, you felt like you wanted to roll down your car window and vomit right out of it.

You weren’t sure how much time had passed since you had sent that message to him but when a movement from your review mirror caught your attention and when you looked into it, there was Harry and you didn’t know if you were ready for this talk.

“Hey, you alright?” He announced as he sat down into the passenger seat of your car and fuck, he looked good. Harry could wear anything and look good but seeing him dressed like he was today, that was your favourite. His more casual look, with black vans, jeans and a vintage band tee, it wasn’t something a lot of people saw of Harry but you couldn’t be happier you were one of the lucky few who got to witness this side of him in person. “Y/N?”

“What? Oh, yeah.. I brought your headphones.” You hadn’t even realised you had forgotten to respond for a second. When you did meet his gaze with a smile, yours faltered when you realised he was quick to look away.

“Thank you.. I’d just been borrowing-”

“Can we talk about last night?” You interrupted him, you really weren’t in the right mind space for small talk. Plus, you had always been a very up front person. You weren’t afraid to say how you felt, you were never afraid of confrontation, you didn’t actively go looking for it, but if something was left unresolved, you dwelled hard on it. Which is what you had been doing since Harry had left your place the previous night. And you really just couldn’t go one more second without clearing the issue.

“You didn’t let me finish what I was saying.” He looked at you then, his frown was heavy and you could tell the issue was still very much present.

“Because I really don’t care about that right now, Harry. I just want to know what the fuck happened last night.”

“That’s what happened.”

“What?”

“You just said you don’t care.”

“Right now. Any other time I would listen, but shit something is bothering you and you’re not telling me.” You picked up volume with your voice, the frustration getting to you.

“I am.” His voice got a little louder too that time and his words were followed by a hard breath he puffed out from his nose.

“You’re really not. You’re so vague and shit, just speak.” You’d realised early on that the two of you were opposites when it came to this. While you wanted to face something head on, Harry was more inclined to brood. Which was seemingly what he was doing right now. He’d chosen to look out your front wind screen, his hands clasped together tightly in his lap. “Fucking hell, stop being such a wet blanket.”

“That’s it. Right there, you’re just so cold sometimes.”

“Cold?” You repeated his choice in words but it was moreso to yourself. It hurt, you couldn’t deny that and it showed plain as day on your face.

“Y/N... don’t, I didn’t mean-.” His tone was completely different, he didn’t like to hurt you, it was never his intent. You always managed to look like a tiny kitten who just got their favourite toy taken away and he wanted to give it right back to you to cheer you up.

“No, you clearly think I’m some ice queen sociopath or something.”

“Don’t be dramatic.” Maybe you were being a little over dramatic, but now it was your turn to huff and stare out your wind screen.

“I’m not. But fuck, I mean, watch out for Netflix’s next multiple part series, you know who the subject will be? Me.”

He laughed. He fucking laughed. “Why are you laughing?” You looked back to him and he was looking at you, but you couldn’t deny seeing him smile again was helping to melt away that pit of worry that built its way all up into your chest.

“’m sorry, but that was funny. You really do just say the most random shit.”

“This is no joke, they’re going to want to interview you too. You’re gonna be like, eight of the twenty parts.” You managed to crack your own smile then, the air between you was much lighter now, but you couldn’t ignore the single thought that had been eating away at you. “You said I let you down all the time.”

Things quickly became more tense, but not in an unbearable sense. When he looked at you, he didn’t seem angry this time. He was silent, but it was because he was in thought.

“I shouldn’t have said it in that way. You don’t let me down, Y/N.”

“But?” Finally you were getting the answer.

“It’s like, sometimes you just don’t give sympathy.” What he said shouldn’t have shocked you, but it did.

This wasn’t a new concept for you, you’d been told this before by different people throughout your life. Sure it wasn’t to the point where someone worried if you were incapable of having sympathy, because you could show it, but very selectively. You just didn’t have time for people who complained over little things. You knew it was one of your biggest flaws, and something you had tried to work on, but when you did try and fake sympathy it was worse. You sounded like a cliche school yard bully who would taunt their victims with sarcasm.

“I’m sorry.” You sighed, you understood now a little more of why he was feeling this way. “I don’t mean to, like, not give it. I just can’t sometimes.” You shrugged. “I grew up in a very ‘keep on going’ kind of way, you know?” He was listening intently and a nod by him willed you to continue. “Like, if I fell over it was like, ‘come on, Y/N you’re fine, hop back up’ and if I had a cold it didn’t stop me from like-” You cut yourself and if you were living in a cartoon world, a light bulb would’ve appeared above your head and turned on. “Oh my god, this is about when you had that cold, isn’t it?”

“It was definitely more of a flu.” He didn’t say yes, but that was a confirmation.

“Fuck, I really didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t care. But, see, that’s what I mean, if I’m sick with something, I just keep to myself and bury myself away in solitude until I’m good, you know? I really hate having attention if I’m unwell. So I just assume everyone else is the same, I guess.”

He looked so much softer now and you felt so much lighter.

“For the record, I was dropping hints I wanted you to come and give me attention.” He admitted and you smiled.

“Then don’t drop hints, Harry. Just tell me. Next time, I’ll come, okay? I can’t guarantee I’ll be the best at sympathising, but I’ll sit with you and make you laugh or something.”

“That’s all I want.”

As much as the two of you had instantly found a fondness for each other, you were still figuring one another out and coming to understand the differences between you. Today was a huge step and the way your heartbeat increased when he reached for your hand proved it more so.

“Should I come over after I’m done here? We can finish Sabrina.” Your eyes went wide for a moment, feigning that it was a huge effort with a large sigh.

“Are we really ready for that?” He laughed at your dramatics before raising your hand in his to kiss the back of it and you swore you felt your heart liquefy in your chest.

“I’ll be round ‘bout seven?” He awaited your answer and you nodded, momentarily squeezing his hand a little, too. “Good, I’ll bring dinner.”

“Make it good, we got a serious binge to do tonight, gotta make up for lost time.”

“Shut up, you. Drink some water when you get home, okay?” He was a little concerned then and you were caught off guard for a second at the undirected question. But he had caught on to the amount of times you had cleared your throat while being in the car and your voice sounded just the tiniest bit hoarse. Harry managed to put two and two together and figured you had too much on your mind last night, which he felt to blame.

“I will, and I’ll make sure I’ve got plenty of water for the both of us tonight.”

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4jimin · 7 years

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Let The Walls Break Down | 3

CHAPTER III: Restart | crossposted on ao3 Summary: I look at you, and I'm so fucked up, because I know it's love. A/N: hello, cutie pies~ so this one has taken a while, and i'm rly sorry for those who were waiting, it's just that... things in my life are rly crazy right now, so i can't find the inspiration to write :/ applying to an university can be rly hard i hate growing up :( anywayyy, this one is just rly fluffy and cute – unfortunately for the pain lovers hahahah – but i rly hope everyone enjoys it bc let's be honest, we all need a little of lovey dovey in our life, right? for everyone who is keeping up with me, leaving kudos and commenting on the chapters, i'm rly so so thankful and i truly love you for that, i hope i don't let you down and that you enjoy <3 i have to apologize in advance because this one is shorter than the others, but!!! i have a good reason: i just couldnt bring myself to mix all this cuteness with the sexual tension that's yet to come akhsdkhf i'm sorry but i hope you don't give up on me for that lmao okay, i'll stop talking, thank you again, and as always feedback is much appreciated <3 p.s: i forgot to say before but this whole thing is developing before inu era, in the beginning of 2015, just to make things clearer Length: 5,4k words

The apartment was freezing. Violent gusts of a cold wind were entering the room through the open windows, startling Taehyung. He woke up alarmed and hurried to close them, feeling all of his body hairs bristling. His bare feet touching the gelid ground, caused shivers through his entire body. He rubbed his swollen eyes trying to understand what had happened, still in a small sleepy trance. As his thoughts settled, Taehyung's eyes landed on Jimin's bed. Oh... He's back... After a long yawn, he found his way back to his bed in the darkness and checked the time on his phone. 2:48 A.M. A weary sigh escaped his lips as he remembered he had to be up by five. Taehyung snuggled himself between his blankets again, when something on Jimin's bed caught his attention. Jiminie, you're not that big... Wait... What– Aish, seriously? A smile formed on his lips. He turned around to the wall side and fell asleep thinking of ways to mock his two best friends – sleeping in the bed by the side of his own – on the next day.

••••

Jimin felt a familiar, yet, strange warmth next to him. He was sleeping alone for the past month, so the sensation of another body glued to his caused him a slight surprise. Tae tae? But those arms around his waist did not belong to Taehyung. Jimin's breath slowly got caught up in his throat, while he brushed his fingers through the arm's veins of the person hugging his waist and assimilated who they belonged to. He took the tender touch down to Jungkook's fingers and delicately held his hand. Jimin closed his eyes remembering all the moments from last night and allowed himself to sigh relieved. It wasn't like all of his problems had suddenly disappeared, but the constant weight tiring his shoulders – which followed him day and night in the last month – wasn't there anymore. Jungkook's breath was rhythmically tickling his neck, making him feel butterflies on his belly. Jimin pretended not to notice. He didn't want to fall in that trap again. The room was dark and cold, thanks to the sun's absence outside. In the most delicate way Jimin managed, he got rid of Jungkook's hug and got out of bed, being successful at the attempt of not waking him up. For a moment, he lost himself observing the younger boy calmly breath, his face tender and in peace. Jimin smiled. His eyes traveled through the traces of Jungkook's face – much more mature than the first time Jimin saw him –, and he felt something awkward on his chest. Jungkook was growing up fast. His childish characteristics were slowly disappearing and being replaced by puberty. Jimin didn't know how that made him feel. He was pride of being able to witness his beloved doengsang getting mature, but he was also emotional by thinking that Jungkook wasn't going to be Bangtan's baby anymore. He wasn't going to be anyone's baby anymore. Not even his. He was slowly becoming an adult. Aish, what am I? A mother? Jimin got rid of his reveries at the same time a high and irritating noise filled the whole place. He followed the sound till Taehyung's bed and turned off the screaming alarm on his phone. It was five in the morning. Jimin streched his spine thinking about their schedule for that day. Two interviews, one photoshoot and the recording of some parts of their new MV. "Jiminie?" Taehyung's muffled voice reached his ears, "What time is it?" He had his face buried in a pillow. Jimin almost laughed. Instead, he crouched down by his best friend's side and slighly messed his hair, answering in a low tone to not wake the others, "Time to get up, you lazy ass." Taehyung lifted his head up just enough for only his swollen eyes to be seen. "Just more five minutes?", his voice was deep and rough, but yet, he still managed to sound like a five year old boy. Jimin caressed his hair before getting up while saying "fine, fine" in a false defeated tone. He left the bedroom looking for his own phone – which was found resting on the kitchen's balcony. Yoongi was sitting in one of the chairs with a mug and a plate full of toasts covered in jelly. "Good morning, hyung." Jimin greeted him, heading to the fridge's direction. "Hey." he heard Yoongi saying, while he looked for the milk, "What time did you come back yesterday? We went to sleep and you two hadn't arrived yet." Jimin was thinking of an answer, when Yoongi added laughing: "What type of running did you two go for?" Jimin blushed. "We got lost by the way." he lied. Kind of. Yoongi took the chance for a – shitty – metaphor. "I hope you've found it again." Jimin laughed softly. "What is this? Namjoon-hyung is namjoonizing you, be careful." Yoongi looked pretty damn offended and pretended to feel chills. "If I wasn't clear enough, I was being sarcastic, okay?" he tried to sound indifferent, but a smile resided on his lips, "You look better." "Huh?" Jimin finished filling his bowl with milk and went to the balcony, sitting in front of Yoongi, "You think?" "Yeah." he bit his toast and chewed it in silence observing Jimin eat his chocolate cereal. Jimin was about to ask him to stop looking at him in that embarrassing way, when the whole apartment heard Hoseok's voice giving good morning to... Well, everyone. Just to make it clear: At once. "Good morning, sunshines!!!!" he screamed from his bedroom and Jimin felt thankful he wasn't there anymore. A minute later, he came out carrying both Jungkook and Taehyung out with a huge and bright smile on his face. How could someone be like that at five in the morning? Jung Hoseok wasn't a normal human being, Jimin had just declared official. It wasn't possible to say the same about the other two, that looked more like two walking zombies than actual sleepy human beings. Jimin's heart skipped a bit by glancing Jungkook awake. He stuffed more cereal in his mouth and looked away, even though the younger was walking with closed eyes. "Are they sleeping for real? You're really the worst... With this innocent smile... Waking them up in the worst possible way... Tsc, tsc." Yoongi pretented to scold Hoseok, that seemed truly offended. "What are you saying? I woke them up with lots and lots of love and that's why they're here. Right, boys?" "I asked you five more minutes, hyung." Taehyung whined by his side. Well, in Hoseok's defense, the other five minutes he asked Jimin had already passed. "But you jumped on me, like this,” he exemplified throwing all of his weight on Hoseok, "without even listening to me... You're heavy... I'm sleepy..." he continued to complain, now with his eyes closed and walking till the sofa. Jimin chuckled. There he goes again... Taehyung snuggled up on the couch, ready to sleep again. Jungkook, on the other hand, seemed to be really sleeping standing. Jimin gathered enough courage to look at him, but the boy's head was hanging to his chest and for a moment he looked to get unbalanced, which startled him and made his eyes go wide. Jimin searched for more cereal to fill his mouth, wanting a subject of distraction, but the bowl was empty. He sighed, not knowing what to do. Jungkook sat by his side a moment later, making his whole body freeze. How should I act? How does he expect me to act? What do I do, what do I do? "Morn–" He started shyly, but Jungkook was fast in dropping his asleep head on the table. He was snoring.

••••

Okay, so maybe things were a bit awkward. They were back talking and Jungkook was even giving a try at light teasing Jimin with subtle jokes and touchs, but things were a little different when they were left all alone. At the first time, Jimin thought they were only tired – so that was the reason for the uncomfortable silence – and that he was the only one feeling odd in that atmosphere. But then, at the second time, Jimin tried to initiate a conversation. An easy conversation, such as “hey, have you got your makeup done?”, but Jungkook weirdly answered a “mhmm, da... yes?” and ran out of the room at the very same second. So no, he was not the only one feeling odd. And he soon found out the reason why: the two of them were shamelessly pretending nothing happened at all. All the drama of the other night, the tears shed, the muffled apologies between the hugs and the actual backhug to sleep? Nah. They were totally ignoring the whole reason of why they were back talking again and they were simply talking again. And here it was why it was odd: all of this, should have led to getting the both of them closer (what the actual fuck, Jungkook said I love you to Jimin out loud), but thanks to their dumbness, they were acting all shy and embarrassed, which was getting Jimin frustrated. For real, they didn’t go through all that shitty moments to end up here blushing and running away from each other. “Jungkook is not talking with me.” he pouted. “Hah? What do you mean? I saw you two sleeping together last night!” Taehyung said, surprising Jimin. “We didn’t– Okay, maybe we... Anyway, yes, we're talking again, but... It's weird. It feels weird, I don’t know.” “Are you asking me for advice? I don’t even know why the two of you fought before.” Jimin sighed. “It was stupid. We're stupid. It wasn’t like...” he didn’t know how to put it into words – and to be honest, he didn’t even want to, because somehow, it still hurt a little, “We both had our fair share of fault, I think, so... It wasn’t like he hurt me on purpose or anything...” Taehyung looked at him dumbfounded. “What? Are you telling me he wasn’t the dickhead and you weren't the victim?! But how so, if you were crying your heart out that night in the hotel?!” Jimin shuffled uncomfortably on his seat. “Well... Aish, why is this important, really? I don’t wanna talk about it...” he scratched the back of his head to have another thing to worry about “And that wasn’t even the reason why I came here, to begin wi–” “It is important because if he wasn’t the dick and neither were you, then I was!” Jimin gave him a confused look. “What are you talking about?” “Aish...” Taehyung held his head on his hands “Sorry Chim, but I need to apologize to Jungkookie.” and just like this, he ran away, leaving Jimin alone and clueless. “Hey! Taehyung!” he called for him, but the boy just waved at him like “talk to you later”. Jimin snorted irritated. He wanted help and Taehyung gave him shit. “What's up? Tae abandoned you?” Jin appeared by his side with his necktie in hand. “Kind of...” Jimin looked up at his hyung and smiled at the sight of the boy struggling to get his tie right, “Need help, hyung?” “Maybe.” Jin sat next to him and let Jimin finish the job of tying the thing for him. “Mhmm... Hyung?” Jin didn’t answer but he looked Jimin in the eyes to show him he was listening, “Can I ask you something?” Jimin carefully passed the tip of the tie through the hole he created while talking. “Of course.” the older boy gave Jimin his best attentive eyes, because Jimin seemed to be choosing his words carefully, so Jin deduced it was an important thing. “If you... Had a fight with someone...” he successfully finished tying the necktie and let his hands fell between them with a little sigh, “And, like– This has nothing to do with me, okay? It's just that a friend asked me for advice and I have no idea what to say... Anyway... You had a fight, but everything is fine now, because everyone apologized, okay? Okay... But what should I– my friend do if even after everyone apologized, things are still awkward between the... people who fought? “Mhmm...” Jin looked up to represent him thinking “Are you asking me how to break the ice?” “No! I mean, yes, but... Not like that...” Jimin pouted at his failure of expressing the situation he was currently in. It was frustrating. “Regardless of the situation, you can always use this, it's 100% effective!” Jin cleaned his throat with a cough, “What did the ocean say to the shore?” “Oh no, hyung, not the dad jokes…” Jimin helplessly covered his face with his hands, showing all the love he had for his hyung's jokes. But Jin didn’t say a thing, so he knew it was useless to fight, “...what?” “Nothing. It just waved.” he answered already laughing that squeaky and loud laugh of his mid-way the joke. Jimin tried forcing his own laugh it in, but he couldn't make it. The laugh came out against his will and he whined out of frustration. I need more useful members. “Hyung...” “No, wait, wait! There's another! Oh, this one is pretty good, you're gonna love it.” Jin did The Dad Pose with his forearm resting on his thigh and gave him an expectant look, “What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments?” Jimin was in silence, mortifiedly looking at him, but already fighting a smile, “An Orca-stra.” Jimin cracked. “Okay, no, I'm leaving.” he got up from his chair, “Hyung... Laughing at your jokes hurts my pride.”

••••

The group had just finished the second interview, when they were rushed to the place where the mv would be recorded. Jimin wanted some time alone with Jungkook – even though it was useless, since he still didn’t know what to do to make things less awkward –, but they were only seeming to get more and more apart. The photoshoot had been the first thing to get done in the morning, so that recording was their last responsibility of the day – kind of – and Jimin couldn’t wait for it to get finished. They weren't going to shoot everything at once, anyway, so hopefully it wouldn't take too long. When it finally ended – the sky already dark blue –, he almost thanked the heavens. He was tired, yes, but now that they had nothing more to do – apart from practice, of course –, he was free to try solving things out with Jungkook. Damn, he wanted things to get back normal again, okay? When they arrived at the studio, everyone headed at once to the showers to take a good bath after the long day, but there were only five of them, so Jimin and Jungkook were left waiting. “I'm older!” Jimin had said to the two months younger boy. “I know, Jiminie, but… Please…” Taehyung gave him the puppy eyes. Dirty. He knew Jimin was weak for the puppy eyes. “Fine.” he let out rolling his eyes in a pseudo irritation. And that was it. To be very honest, he only gave in, because he realized that was the chance he needed to be alone with Jungkook a little. In fact, in that moment, he was alone with Jungkook. Each one in a corner of the room looking at their phone's screen in a complete silence. “Hey… Jungkook…” Jimin tried, not taking his eyes off his phone. “Yes, hyung?” Jungkook quickly looked up at him. Jimin closed his eyes wanting to punch himself. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to do that. “So… You know…” Jimin looked at him, ignoring the flush on his cheeks, “What did the ocean say to the killer whales? Wait, what. No! Shit.” Jimin looked away, “How do you call an ocean waving to the shore? No! Fuck! That's not it, wait.” Now the will of punching himself in the face was the minor of all his personal issues if compared to his will to bury himself in the fucking earth's core. He couldn’t believe he appealed to a goddamn dad joke and completely messed it up. Who does that? But Jungkook was laughing. Really laughing. With his eyes disappearing and crinkling in the corner while his body curved forward. Jimin was in a trance for a moment, just appreciating the sound coming out of the younger's mouth and watching his nose scrunch in that adorable way only Jungkook could do. “Hyung..." the maknae looked at him with eyes sparkling and that beautiful bunny smile, making Jimin blush, "Are you really dad joking me?” Jimin couldn’t be more offended. “What? Well, yes, but–“ “Why are you so offended if it's true?!” that only made Jungkook laugh more and well, fuck, Jimin was laughing too, because yeah, it was kinda funny. “I can’t believe you actually managed to mess up a dad joke, hyung, this is iconic.” Jungkook looked at him with those warm eyes embellishing his face and Jimin almost melted. “Hey, how do you call the ocean waving to the shore?” he imitated Jimin's voice in a lame tone, which made both of them fall in an even louder laughing. “Shut up! I totally don't sound like this!” “Shut up! I totally don’t sound like this!” Jungkook did it again in a further lame way and now Jimin was almost falling from his chair, the laugh completely taking over his body and making his tummy ache. “You're stupid.” Jimin told him while trying to catch his breath. “But you're smiling.” Jungkook pointed out with a light red hue painting his ears and cheeks. Jimin rolled his eyes still with that ridiculous smile on his face. “Yeah…”

••••

Jungkook once watched an anime that talked about equivalent exchange – and even though it was an alchemy's fiction and such, Jungkook totally believed in its concept. So much he brought it to his reality. The most famous quote of the animation was something among the lines of “you can't win anything without losing something first”. You know, this here it's a paraphrase, but the idea still lives on it. Jungkook believed that in order to have good moments, the sad moments needed to come first. He didn’t know if he was right, but that was how things always worked for him in his life, so maybe he kinda was. One example was what it was happening with Jimin. They fought, got hurt, stopped talking for a pretty long time and yes, it had been terrible, but now, they were closer than ever. Jimin was resting his head on Jungkook’s chest, while watching a cheesy drama. Jungkook could feel his hot breath on his skin through the fabric of his tshirt. After a few minutes, Jungkook's hand was tangled in Jimin's hair without him even realizing when it happened. He was there playing with it and softly caressing the top of his head, when he felt it slowly dropping a little to the side. Jungkook smiled, because he realized Jimin had just slept. He stayed there though, hands on Jimin's hair and Jimin's body warming his own. They were glued to each other and Jungkook couldn’t feel more at ease. He was breathing Jimin's scent, which was very probably – and happily – going to stick to his clothes for the rest of the day. It was sweet and it smelled like flowers. Jungkook buried his face on Jimin's hair, wanting to feel more of it. He deeply breathed in and the smell made funny things to his stomach. He left no room to think about what that meant, though. He didn’t want things to get weird again. His left arm was starting to tingle because of the position he was in, but Jungkook didn’t allow himself to move. Jimin was peacefully sleeping and Jungkook would do the possible to keep him that way. He wasn’t really seeing Jimin's face, but he imagined he was with his beautiful lips a bit open, with the side of his face that was in touch with Jungkook's chest all crumpled in a very cute way. He grinned thinking about it. Jimin was really cute, even though he was older. He had a tiny nose, soft cheeks and small fingers. Sometimes when he was talking, his lips formed a little pout making his voice sound childish – but not in a bad way, in an adorable way. Jungkook sighed and ignored the pain starting to grow in the middle of his spine, still playing with the fluffiness of Jimin's hair. Jimin woke up when the movie had just ended. He looked up with puffy eyes and swollen lips, so Jungkook did the possible to fight a smile. The left side of his face was marked with the folds of Jungkook’s tshirt, which just made his confused expression look cuter. “Did I sleep?” he asked in a deep and raspy voice. Jungkook felt a little shiver run through his spine, but he laughed it away. “Yes.” he took the chance to change positions and strech his painful back. “Is the movie good?” Jimin rubbed his face, trying to fully wake up. “Great.” Jungkook lied. He couldn’t say he passed the whole time staring at the top of his head thinking about him, could he? “Damn. I'm sorry, I missed it.” “It's okay.” Jungkook smiled. Jimin was still looking at him with his eyes partially open and with his mouth – Jungkook realized in a jolt – dangerously close. His heart raced ridiculously like it always did when his attention was directed to Jimin's lips and he suddenly asked himself who already had kissed those lips. He felt uneasy out of nowhere. The memory of Jimin making out with that girl invaded his mind. Jungkook closed his eyes in order to make it go away. But... Their lips touching, their tongues– “Hey, what you thinking?” Jimin whispered on his face. Jungkook opened his eyes just to meet a worried face staring back at him. He shuffled uncomfortably under Jimin, but he kept his hand on the older's back – holding him still –, because he liked that warmth so close to him. “You know, hyung...” Jungkook didn’t know why he was about to ask this, “W-who was the first person you kissed?”, but he did. Jimin wided his eyes with a slight surprise from that unexpected question. He opened his mouth to answer a few times, but fell in silence in all of them. Jungkook felt a knot on his chest, so he hurried to apologize. “I'm sorry, you don’t have to answer, that was stu–“ “A girl from my class.” Jimin cut him off and looked away. He supported his face on his hands, resting on Jungkook’s chest. “I liked her, but she didn’t. Her friends forced her to kiss me. Aish, that was embarrassing.” Jimin hid his face for a moment, “I didn’t know back then, so when I found out I apologized to her.” Jimin explained, and added in a lower tone, “I also told her to find new friends, because... Who does that?” “But it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t have to apologize!” Jungkook was shocked and pissed for Jimin. What shitty friends, to be honest. “Of course I did!” Jimin lifted his head to look at Jungkook, and he realized Jimin's lips were doing the pout thing, “I liked her and they knew that, that's why they forced her to do it! It was my fault...” “Hyung, of course not!” Jungkook was getting mad. Why was Jimin blaming himself for a bad thing other people did? “You can't be guilty for liking someone! And even if you didn’t, other people would like her, and their friends would do the exact same thing!” Jungkook realized his voice was louder than he initially intended, but he couldn’t help it. It was unfair for Jimin to carry this guilt with him if he was innocent. Jimin seemed to take a moment to think about it. “Yes, but... Still...” “There's no still! Or but!” Jungkook said with his brows furrowed, “It's not your fault...” Jimin smiled that smile that made his eyes disappear and Jungkook tried really hard to not gasp for air. “Okay, okay...” he said with a small voice, “And... What about you?” Jungkook was caught off guard. “M-me?” he stuttered. “No, idiot, me. Of course it's you!” Jungkook thought about it. He was nervous to answer. Not because of the subject itself – he had already talked about it with Taehyung and it had been a normal conversation –, but because it was Jimin who was listening. “It was a-also a girl from my class...” Stop stammering, idiot. “There's nothing big about it, but... I didn’t really like her. It was just that she confessed to me and everyone else had already kissed, so I thought 'better be with someone that likes me' and...” Jungkook had no problem telling Taehyung this, but now he was blushing and feeling guilty, “It was selfish, I know, and I kind of used her, I think, but I... I... Don’t know what to say, I felt sorry later, but she didn’t study on the same school anymore and...” “Jungkookie, it's okay.” Jimin interrupted him, “You don’t have to excuse yourself. It's okay.” he warmly smiled and Jungkook felt that warmth spreading through his whole body, “We do some mistakes as we live, but it's okay, I guess... Don't worry too much about it... In the end, aren’t we all using each other for our own happiness, anyway?” Jimin looked away supporting his head on his hand again. They were both in silence now, but Jungkook was too excited and happy he was getting to know new things about Jimin. He told himself that was the reason why he so naturally – and let's say, in a dizzy state of mind – asked, “Hyung, and what about boys?” But actually hearing those words resounding through the room made him regret at the exact same second they came out. “Huh?” Jimin looked at him again, probably asking himself if he heard right, “Boys?” Jimin asked to make sure, and that was the chance he needed to say 'forget it' and move on to another topic, but he stuttered a 'yes' instead. “What about boys?” “H-have you ever kissed them?” Jungkook heart was beating in his throat now, and the living room was drowning in silence. It probably lasted five seconds, but it felt like an eternity for Jungkook. Jimin's face was being illuminated by the orange glow from the sunshine's dawn entering the window behind them, when he answered, lowering his eyes: “Yes...” Jungkook could have ended the conversation there and moved on, but he wanted to know. He needed to know. He wasn’t really understanding that urge of finding out about Jimin's personal life, but it was completely swallowing him up. “How was...it...?” Jimin was looking at him with fond eyes, which made Jungkook feel more comfortable and secure to ask the questions he wanted – it was a 'go ahead' kind of fond eyes. “The first time?" “Well... yeah.” Jungkook answered while wondering how many times could have happened. How many people could have touched Jimin's lips in such an intimate way? Jungkook didn’t understand why, but thinking about it – which led him to imagine it – made his stomach sink. He realized he was staring at Jimin's lips, so he averted his gaze. Jimin sighed. “We used to dance together. We were from the same academy, but we weren’t classmates. One day, the professor decided to take the best from each class and form pairs to create choreographys. He said it was for approximating the students or something... Anyway, we started practicing together, some times alone and some times not... I... was shy at first, but he was nice and easy to talk to, so we were getting along well as time went by...” Jimin wasn’t looking at Jungkook – he was blankly staring at the ground like he could see all of those memories before his eyes. Jungkook felt a tip of jealousy bothering him, “He was older too, and better than me, so he helped me with some dance moves. One day... It was night already, but we were still practicing, because the performance was on the other day and... I was really nervous, so I was doing a lot of mistakes. He noticed it, paused the music and sat down in silence.” Jimin smiled, “I asked 'what are you doing?' and he lied saying 'wahh, I'm so tired, let's take a break.'" he smirked softly, "Idiot... Anyway, he was my hyung, so I just nooded and sat too, but he started talking and playing with me, and when I realized we were sitting really close to each other laughing about stupid things and I had even forgot about the performance... I think that was what he was trying to do the entire time, to be honest... But... You know when you're talking with someone and suddenly things just go quiet? So... That happened and... I was looking at the ground, but he was looking at me and getting closer. I got nervous and didn’t know what to do or what was happening, so he said 'Jimin...' and made me look up. He said 'I think I'm going to kiss you, so if you don't want to, stop me.'” Jimin sighed one more time and Jungkook got scared he could feel his heart fastly beating in his chest, “But I didn’t. I didn’t stop him and he kissed me. It was gentle and sweet and also nice, so it made me wonder if I liked guys too... Yeah... That's it.” he laughed shyly a little, “Aish, I talked too much, this is embarrassing...” “Do you?” Jungkook asked thinking that breathing got a little harder since Jimin started telling his story. “What?” “Like guys too.” Jimin looked away. “Well, yes... At least, I thought so back then... Now I know I only like guys.” Jungkook met Jimin's eyes again, “Is there a problem?” he cautiously asked. “No!” Jungkook hurried in saying. “I'm sorry.” he didn’t know why he was apologizing, “There's not, I'm sorry...” well, deep down, he kinda did. “But... What happened after?” Jungkook told himself he just wanted to know out of curiosity. “Well, we performed. I made no mistakes. And then, I left to Seoul.” Jungkook quietly nooded. “I see...” There was still another question bothering him, but he was scared to ask, so he just stayed in silence chewing on his bottom lip. His hand was sweating on Jimin's back so he took it off. “What is it?” Jimin sweetly asked. How did he do this? Jungkook said nothing, but it was still like Jimin could read him like a letter. He was about to answer 'nothing', but instead he asked: “Did you like him?” And here it was why it was bothering him: he didn’t want to hear the answer. If Jungkook was to be honest with himself, he would have to admit he didn’t really need to ask to know it. It just needed for Jimin to start talking about it, for him to realize. It just needed for Jungkook to look at Jimin blushing and looking away right now, to understand it. But the thing was, Jungkook was the master of lying to himself. So he needed to hear it. “Yes.” and even though he knew it, it still hurt, “I didn’t know back then, but I do now.” Jimin smiled at him, “But it's past. I have all of you to love now.” his eyes did the crescent moon thing. Jungkook's heart clutched in his chest. He was so cute. “It's not the same!” Jungkook told him, even though he knew Jimin was aware of that. “Hah?” the dork did a disbeliefed tone, “What you talking about? I thought it was already pretty clear that I'm marrying aaall of you.” he said like it was the most obvious thing. “Stop joking around!” Jungkook scolded him smiling. He didn’t know why hearing that made him happy, but, somehow, it did. Jimin tickled him. “I'm not!” Jungkook tickled him back. “Yes, you are!” They got into a tickle fight, just to finish it three minutes later with Jungkook screaming for mercy, “Fine, fine, you won! I give up, hyung, stop!” They were both laughing and trying to catch their breaths, when Taehyung appeared out of nowhere and joined them to watch the drama – now replaying on the tv. Before Jungkook realized, everyone else was snuggled around them with popcorn and stuff, making the place feel all warm and cozy. He smiled, feeling so much like home.

#armiesnet #btsmaknaenet #jikook #jikook fic #kookmin #kookmin fic #jungkook #jimin #myfics #jungkook and jimin

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