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#i wish this wasnt such a huge issue for me
hella1975 · 1 year
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hella I keep getting edits with some sort of original version of waiting room?? on my fyp and I'm gonna be honest waiting room wasn't a song that did me in quite as badly as the rest of you but this version I keep hearing literally rips my heart straight open😭😭 like I've been planning on fixing the no waiting room on spotify issue by taking it into my own hands🏴‍☠️ but now I know it's gonna have to be this version I'm not even bothering with lost ark waiting room. it's just gonna be waiting room og bc what the fuck?? "I never grew up with you, and you're not my waiting room" what the fuck??? with the haunting background noises literally WHAT THE FUCK????????
OMG IVE SEEN THAT ONE everyone keeps going on about the vocals of 'and you're not my waiting room' but i really cant get over 'i never grew up with you' like what??? WHAT??????
#for some reason i rlly connected this song to a childhood friend of mine that im pretty sure ive at least vaguely mentioned on here before#but basically we were INSEPERABLE for years of my childhood and he was about 2 years older than me#so i think i was 5 and he was 7 when we met and we stayed friends until i went up to secondary school so SIX YEARS#and we literally spent all day together we'd play in the gardens and run about the place and we were both really outdoorsy#and obvs it was before proper tech really started coming in so it was when kids literally just got shoved outside for the day#and left to their own devices and it was GREAT like i remember him and that time so fondly#but he was also really messed up like he'd come from a lot of foster homes and he'd had every kind of abuse#and he'd finally been adopted by the couple on my street who just couldn't handle him bc their answer to his issues#was to spoil him and give him what he wanted so he just got worse bc he had a real violent streak in him#and obvs if you let that grow in a boy they're not gonna wake up one day and it'll be gone like. it's going to get malicious#and low and behold he started getting like actually dangerous like he choked his sister once and he got kicked out of school#bc he threated to BEHEAD A GIRL WITH AN AXE like really fucked up shit#but i was in a pick me moment bc he was always really nice and respectful to me until he wasnt#and even then ive never ever blamed him for it bc we were both young and he was so traumatised#and sooner or later we stopped hanging out and my mum was relieved bc that's how bad he was getting#and ive literally never spoken to him again. but he's just one of those people i think about all the time????#like idk if it's bc of what went down or bc of the age i was but he was a HUGE deal to me and my development#and for some evil fucking reason i think of him when i listen to waiting room especially the 'i know it's for the better'#bc i KNOW it's for the better i got away from him before he got really bad but still i so desperately wish i couldve helped him yk?#especially now i understand what abuse actually means and what he'd suffered which i had no idea about at the time#SO TO ADD 'I NEVER GREW UP WITH YOU' WHEN I FEEL LIKE I ABANDONED HIM AS CHILDREN?? STOPPPP#PHOEBE PLEASEEEE#anyway unnecessary rant over rori pls pirate this song for the masses pls pls the world needs you#ask
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depresseddepot · 2 years
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I'm tired of being scared abt this. I'm 100% certain I have adhd (if you didn't already know) and relatively convinced that I have autism too
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cactusfru1ts · 11 months
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as i learn more about aac + the people who use it im starting to feel incredibly complicated about my one active dnd character being autistic + mute + those two things being completely unrelated (at least in terms of origin obviously theyve become very much related over the years). like. i dunno. i love ida and i love playing ida and if i was coming up with ida today she would be virtually unrecognizable because holy shit i did not think this character through when i was coming up with her
#quetzposting#a lot of my issues with the way i wrote ida basically stem from the fact that i came up with her when i was like. what. 15?#and ive been able to iron things out a LOT over the past four years#but i still feel a little weird about playing a character whose autism is like. definitely a disability. and trying to figure out how that-#-works with and impacts her acquired disability because while i do still sometimes lose speech i really dont have the like. lived experience#that would make me fully comfortable playing her the way i would probably write her if she wasnt. yk. a dnd character.#i guess what it comes down to is like. all of my best characters have had a part of me in them. usually that part comes with a little autism#or bipolar or aromanticism or dysphoria or compulsive behavior or superstition or whatever the fuck else#and while im trying to figure out my own disability (and coming to terms with the way my autism impacts it + often makes it worse)#im having to look at ida and try to separate out the parts of me that became her and the parts of her that became me#and her disability is… not really either one of those#even though it did come from me because at the time i pretty much had a selective mutism thing goin on#and it did come from her because playing her has helped me understand my own disability#even though its so different from hers#its just really weird to think about. and i do wish id played her a bit differently from the beginning#its extra weird because i straight up dont remember huge chunks of the campaign lmao#thanks for that dissociative disorder. really appreciate it (sarcasm)
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gandalfsbignaturals · 22 days
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please tell me you don’t believe transandrophobia is real
why the fuck wouldnt it be real? trans men face a wide range of issues, including access to reproductive healthcare and exclusion from queer spaces, which are specifically tied to them being both trans and men. do i believe trans women specifically hold societal privilege over trans men? no, but i also dont believe trans men hold privilege over trans women.
i think trans men should be allowed to talk about the issues they face and put words to them. i think denying them that and calling them misogynists for daring to bring up their problems is both cruel and counterproductive to trans rights. i think that infighting between trans men and trans women sucks shit and genuinely i really just wish we as trans people could all figure out how to get along and coexist together. i think that the more we divide the community over things like transandrophobia, the easier we make it for hate groups to get their way, and the easier we make it for members of our community to become isolated and taken advantage of.
i am not a trans men, but trans men were some of the very first people who accepted me as a woman. ive had many trans men in my life who were nothing but kind and loving to me. ive also known some trans men who were huge dicks to me, but that wasnt because they were trans men, it was because they were assholes who sucked.
i believe trans men have problems, and i believe they should be allowed to speak openly and honestly about them without being ridiculed for being MRAs or whatever. if they want to coin a term to do that more effectively, then i support them doing that, period.
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silly love confessions: i keep falling in love with older men. except its not even romantic strictly i just become so attached and adoring towards dudes 10+ years older than me..its like romantic and physical adoration + big brother + idol worship............. to me its fine and i'm accepting it and in my mind love is good so its something to be happy about but honestly this situation kind of ruined one of my closest relationships because i made him uncomfortable i guess. I dont know, having a crush often feels creepy i suppose. but I wish there were more accepted ways to love someone to the extent i love people besides romantic love. I don't really want to date anyone I just want to communicate my adoration and affection and have it be reciprocated without there being the issues of whether you can be in a monogamous relationship or not......idk kind of rambling here but i feel like you are one of few people who could understand when i say i feel like my love is religious. and it keeps being tainted by the expectations of modern society. anyway happy valentines day !!!!! love u!!!!!
lolol...me as hell in my early 20s!! everyone i dated was in their 30s, men and women. i have always acted like an elderly person lmao so at the time it was impossible to find anyone my own age i cld relate to. Also probably some subconscious thing to do w my orphan's nature, having no adult guidance for the latter half of my childhood lol..
Also i totally understand wat u mean by wishing love wasnt so "regulated" by certain standards. A huge turning point for me around age 25 was realizing i want to love my friends & family & even strangers as unconditionally as possible even though its bound to get me hurt. i wanted to finally allow myself to b open to people & embrace them without judgement. my life has rly unfolded since that time 5/6 yrs ago & even tho it's been a bumpy ride, it has eventually lead me to the ppl who fully reciprocate this attitude, platonically or otherwise.
So dont be afraid to let your open heart lead the way, it's a rare treasure. One person's sincere unconditional love can be the catalyst for so much positive transformation & healing in the lives of others who feel lost & alone. thankyou for your confession & happy Vday to you too anon <333
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our-queer-experience · 8 months
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i wish dysphoria was treated more seriously
ive had meltdowns where i was completely immobile and unable to move
ive had full mental breakdowns where i was screaming and crying
then ppl just tell me "oh just put a binder on" when i just said that i physically cant move. i cant do anything.
and this might be turning a bit into a vent but i swear sometimes i question my parents bc theyve seen how bad my dysphoria gets. theyve helped me clean up after hurting myself (i dont even tell them anymore tho), theyve seen me shaking and crying uncontrollably and be on the verge of vomiting. and my parents tell me "even if surgery was legal for your age we wouldnt let you get it but we would support you as an adult" and it feels like such bullshit. theyre even forcing me to wait to go on T bc they want to see me "do good in school" and have my mental health be "more stable" when a huge chunk of my issues is dysphoria. it feels like theyre holding an antidepressant above my head and going "if we see you being happier then we'll let you have them" and its so fucking frustrating. im so glad that my therapist actually helps me and doesnt follow along/fully support my parents bullshit like my psychiatrist does. and my mom sees herself as like some sort of saint. "you should be glad im even considering this" "other parents wouldnt let you" yeah and you also deadnamed and misgendered me and told me i wasnt a boy for like a year straight so idk man i dont think im very lucky.
"this is an adult decision so you need to show us you can make this decision" well i didnt get to choose to start feminine puberty at fucking 10 years old and it fucking traumatized me. i wish i could just make one decision without being questioned. i want to do one thing for myself and i cant even do that
im sorry for basically venting but god i just want someone to understand and not belittle me saying "it could be worse"
my dysphoria was so bad that i’ve been suicidal since i was 11 years old like. it has been REALLY hard to deal with. i’m sorry anon, i’ve got a similar situation to you and i’m sorry you’ve got to go through it as well.
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mercymermaid · 5 months
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so
i think it's time for my fnaf movie rant
HUGE HUGE HUGE HUGE SPOILERS (obviously)
these are in no particular order and are just a conglomeration of thoughts that i wrote down immediately after watching so they don't make any sense half the time, and don't include theories i've seen recently
enjoy
- THE MATPAT CAMEO??? THE THEORY LINE???? HOLY FUCKING SHIT. THE THEATER SCREAMED.
- why did golden freddy pull a sans w the blue eye what happened to the white smh
- DUDE. I CALLED THE 'VANESSA AS AFTON'S DAUGHTER' HALFWAY THROUGH THE FUCKING MOVIE
- THE SECOND SHE EXPLAINED THAG SHE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON AND THAT SHE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO HELP, IT WAS OBVIOUS.
- because mike explained that their dad was gone, right? and afton clearly recognized the schmidt name. due to this, i originally thought that maybe schmidt was some code name and that only the aftons could recognize it, but now i have a theory
- the families are switched somehow. Vanessa is either a stand-in for Charlie or herself, which makes no sense story-wise
- however, Mike, Abby, and Garrett are clearly afton children. Mike is Mike (and in the games, Mike apparently uses Schmidt anyway to investigate his dad), Abby can bring lengthened to Elizabeth, and the crying child doesn't even canonically have a name 💀
- so i was thinking what if the families were eswitched? vanessa was some sort of charlie stand-in, with afton as her dad, while the schmidts were raised by Henry
- this would explain why he recognized schmidt and offered the job at Freddy's - he'd already killed Garrett, so he wanted to finish off the collection. Mayne this could be a parallel to him killing Charlie, but since there's three kids, he needs to get them all??? idfk
- ONE OF THE GUYS BREAKING IN HAD A MIDNIGHT MOTORISTS T-SJIRT (the guy who got killed by the cupcake)
- i am soglad i went with who I did because i doubt any of my other friends would understand any of it 😭
- THEY PLAYED LIVING TOMBSTONE AT THE END. YES. THANK YOU. THAT IS ALL WE EVER NEEDED IN LIFE.
- the balloon boy bit 😭 i doubt anyone not in the fandom would appreciate it as well as we did smh
- ugh i wish mark had his cameo but iron lung is important too ig
- THE WAY THE AUDIENCE SCREAMED WHEN AFTON TOOK OFF HIS MASK BRAHAHHDHCJC
- WE WERE ALL WAITIJG FOR IT
- we probably won't get to see a "WAS THAT THE BITE OF '87" moment because garrett got kidnapped instead of chomped smh
- BUT. THEY KEPT THE GUILT. IN THE GAMES, MICHAEL SHOVED CC INTO FREDBEAR'S MOUTH. IN THE MOVIE, HE WASNT PAYING ATTENTION, WHICH CAUSED HIS BROTHER TO GET KIDNAPPED. OH THE FUCKING PARALLELS DUUUUDE
- also max getting bit in half is probably all we're gonna get of The Bite
- MATTHEW LILLARD FUCKING ATE. HE KNEW THE ASSIGNMENT. BEST AFTON.
- only issue is the lack of screaming during the springlocking. only your stomach is getting stabbed, not your throat yet. Scream.
- it would've been so funny if he pulled the "MICHAELLL DONT LEAVE ME HERE MICHAEL MICHAEL" while he was being dragged away but homie was too busy dying
- HE SAID THE LINE. "I ALWAYS COME BACK." OH MY GOD.
- NOBODY EXPECTSD VANESSA TO GET STABBED. THE THEATER GASPED.
- "IT'S ME" ON THE MIRROR DBSJAJXJXJXJDJ
- stop bonnie and chica staring down the camera while they release the cupcake is so funny 😭
- MORE ON THE FAMILY SWITCH. ABBY IS ELIZABETH, OBVIOUSLY, WHICH IS ONLY MADE MORE TRUE BC CHICA TRIES TO SHOVE HER INTO THAT DOLL-LOOKING THING. YOU KNOW WHAT IT RESEMBLES? SCRAP BABY. MY FIRST THOUGHT ABOUT THAT SUIT WAS "dude is that scrap baby?"
- the lack of a mrs. afton is so real 🤩🤩
- dude the entire fort scene was actually so fucking hilario
us
- like bonnie just. falling backwards. is so him yk
- BUT GOLDEN FREDDY. THERES THE KID. WHERE'S CASSIDY? IS GARRETT ALSO POSSESSING GOLDEN FREDDY IF HE'S THE PARALLEL FOR CC? WHAT ABOUT VANESSA? 
- the issue with the family swap is that Vanessa just doesn't fit in. we can't play it off as a parallel to Charlie, because vanessa is already an established character with a connection to afton.  fuck you Scott.
- SPEAKING OF. SCOTT KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. HE CATERED TO US LIKE A FUCKING ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET. THE INSIDE REFERENCES AND EASTER EGGS?! THE MATPAT CAMEO??? THE LIVONG TOMBSTONE?!?!?! 
- a bit upset they didn't keep Freddy's flashing face sequence smh
- THE SPRINGLOCKING WAS SO GOOD BC THEY LEFT HIM IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION AS CANON. ALSO IT WAS GOLDEN FREDDY WHO FINALLY LEFT HIM THERE, WHICH IS A HIT AT THE WHOLE "GOLDEN FREDDY HATES AFTON THE MOST" (cough cough ultimate custom night)
- they kept in the red eyes in some parts but im very glad they weren't in the rest. they looked fucking high. what happened to the black with white?? THAT WOULDVE BEEN TEN TIMES SCARIER AND APPEALED TO CANON, WHATS THE WITH THE CHANGE MAN 😭
- bonnie never got his eyebrows
- cupcake slayed and ate (literally!!!!)
- im actually super curious why half of spring bonnie is so damaged. now, it could go with the whole "this place hasn't been touched in forever, yadda yadda, destroyed suit makes it more sensitive and easy to set off" but. it's only one half of it. there could be a perfectly plausible explanation of "Oh yeah, only half of it was exposed to bad stuff, other half was covered with a tarp" ITS FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S. ITS NEVER THAT SIMPLE. HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING? also a bit curious about whether movie afton already got springlocked once like book afton did (has game afton getting springlocked previously been confirmed? please lmk)
- i really love how they used the "the robots are just children" because they love abby and just want to play and shit and they're so sweet but they're so easily manipulatable 
like
afton probably didn't have to do much besides show the pictures and convince them he was good
and all it took for them to turn on him was abby drawing a second picture
what if she convinced them vanessa was bad or some shit? they are really fucking gullible.
- also what the fuck was that freddy head saw blade monstrosity??!! what 😭 
- like it never ends up being explained and it's not a stand-in for springlocks or being shoved into suits because those are very very much there
- literally the second i heart matpat's voice my heart went oop 
- it took a second for everyone to register it but we went WILD
- AND HE DROPPED THE "BUT THATS JUST A THEORY"
- HE'S SO SILLY
- FOOD THEORY IS SO REAL THO 😭
- no bc a markiplier cameo would be so great but imagine if they used his reaction thing
- like they got him to film "WAS THAT THE BITE OF '87" as max gets bitten, and he appears in the corner for that one line
- even better, not reaction camera style, just standing there right next to her and then never being mentioned again
- either that or him popping up on the cameras (again, either as a reaction image, or standing there menacingly)
- THEY HAD SPARKY
- also why DID vanessa keep Mike in the dark abt afton (not calling him her dad, not stooping that low) and him trying to kill Abby? fear of authorities getting involved? this is bumfuck nowhere Utah, she is the fucking authority, and considering what his aunt said, a police officer defending her dad against some random guy isn't gonna go well for him
- like sure she told him to not bring abby but she didn't tell him why of course it's not gonna go well
- about the family swap. it's so easy to tell the scmidts are supposed to be a version of the afton kids, why the fuck did they name him GARRETT?
- I love the whole references to phone guy
Would've loved to see actual phone guy (imagine if THAT was matpat's cameo)(coughs in fnaf the musical) but afton is good enough
but abby's "hello" while exploring Freddy's sounds so much lime balloon boy wtf
- abby is a monogram (or whatever it's called) for baby which might not have that much symbolism bc abby is short for Elizabeth but the more the merrier yk
- i think i answered my own question abt whether movie afton has been springlocked
considering how he fuckign SPRINTED at michael and made all these moves like kicking and shit? yeah, I'm more surprised it took him so long to get springlocked
same with game afton actually like.. hello? stop laughing at the fucking dead kids in such a damp room, it's your own fault dumbass
Basically book afton was the smartest about wearing the suit bc of experience
- THE WAY CARL LAUNCHED ITSELF AT MICHAEL WILL NEVER NOT BE FUNNY LIKE BRO FUCKING ASCENDED 😭
- my friend is complaining abt how flirty Vanessa is w Michael which is really funny for no reaskn
- MY FRIEND INSULTED FOXY'S "dum dum dum" SAYING HES NOT CUT OUT FOR MUSIC. HELLO?!?!?@?@?@?@@
- as my friend mentioned, springlock scene was kinda anticlimactic lmao like where's the screaming? the blood?
- according to the same friend mentioned three times already:
Best parts of the movie
1. Matpat saying "that's just a theory"
2. Living tombstone credits
3. Vanessa getting stabbed
- the sounds at the end spell out "come find me" so wooohooo sequel time?? :))
- the "i always come back" was NOT it 😭 at least he said it yk
- okay someone pointed out that it was his last words so they were desperate and mad and showcase his lack of confidence in if he's actually gonna come back 
which is cool
but I like the og more yk
- about abby's springlock suit: its the same doll from 1:35 am (fazbear frights 3), then there's sparky as an animatronic ans restaraunt, wppohoho
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bizarreandjarring · 1 year
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Disco thoughts - tw substance abuse
i've seen a couple of posts which talk about how kim's character is basically a wish fulfillment for somebody with mental health and/or substance abuse problems - he listens without judgement, helps you, and stays by your side. this is very true but i wanted to add my two cents on the fact that it feels the same way from the other end - that harry is wish fulfillment for people who are close to people with susbtance abuse problems.
playing disco has been a super interesting experience for me, i didnt understand the content of the game before i played it, it hit a lot closer to home than i thought it would on many fronts. growing up someone in my family, specifically in the same household as me, had very serious substance abuse issues. there was an attempt to shield me from it mostly, but that just meant that i didnt really understand why and what was happening and the implications of it. it really scarred my childhood and shaped a large part of who i am in a way that i deeply dislike and resent. that person is still in my life now, they are clean and have been for years, but the memories remain. it is particularly hard to have them in my life because aside from anything that happened in the past, they are a huge bigot, with a huge ego, and have a lot of problems empathizing with others and being nice for once and not a giant asshole.
it feels so stupid to say that part of me will always be angry at them because they never even apologised? they wanted to move past everything that happened so bad that they never said sorry, never acknowledged my pain
anyway, to get to the point, this is why harry really came across as wish fulfillment for me personally. he's big and drunk and stumbling and smoking, saying the wrong thing all the time, outbursts at any second, he's done bad things, he's coming down and he's miserable. i know that man. i've known that man for a long time now. i hate that man and i love him almost against my own will. but unlike in real life, in the game (depending on how you play) you can have him say im sorry, you can make him get clean and really stay that way. you can have him be nice to kids and help them start a stupid dance club and make friends and make amends and really fucking try. and that was cathartic for me on a level that i wasnt really prepared for. after i thought about this it made me understand why i sympathised with jean so little. in my mind, if you have an addict in your life this is the dream scenario! why is jean so angry doesn't he know how good he's got it?! obviously the two situations are in no way 1:1, but i couldnt help thinking that if that person in my life turned around tomorrow and said - im sorry, i fucked up and hurt you, im going to do better, im going to be kinder, maybe there is something in this world for me other than hurt...
well fuck i'd take it, i'd hold onto it for dear life
TLDR - harry can be wish fulfillment for people who have people in their lives with substance abuse issues. HDB lives inside my heart and he's telling me to chug cough syrup but im ignoring him
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redundantz · 1 year
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What are your thoughts on how the characters were written for stampede? You sounded kind of :/ about Meryl at one point.
Hello! Yeah it was a bit of a rollercoaster for me personally. ⚠ STAMPEDE SPOILERS ⚠ BUT they really pulled it together in the end i think (for the most part) Since we now know for sure this is a prequel and where its now going after the finale it puts more perspective on things. I have OG Trigun brain so take my own opinions with a grain of salt. I think if people enjoy this new series on its own merits thats wonderful. HOWEVER I still think the series has severe pacing issues and we miss a ton of important character moments imo. And I wish we got to see more interaction with uhh actual humans. After the first 3 eps and then the one with Rollo we basically dont interact with any other humans who live on the planet and its so weird. (also my god we need more fun time in this show was a depression speedrun istg) Have a graph of my emotional journey:
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Vash: oh man haha this one is tough. now that the season is over and we got a HUGE payoff with him so I am very happy now but yeahhh. Some parts I was like wow this is Vash he's perfect. But then as the episodes went on I was getting so frustrated. Because he just would stand there giving everyone UwU eyes and not do anything. Especially for his flashback with Knives. Which I understand it was "shock" but he basically stood there with a blank expression the whole time and it was so...??? Being a pacifist didn't mean he is a limp noodle and doesn't take action. Like don't get me wrong he did have a few moments where he fought Livio and the Badlads but that was about it. I think a lot of my frustration might be because he kept using hand to hand combat compared to using his gun which I am used to. again though, they really brought it back in the end 10000% and brought it into perspective so I can forgive some of the previous stuff. Meryl: She was made more cutesy and naïve. Which definitely got on my nerves here and there. But I was okay with it for the most part ( im not immune to cute lol) They got the most important part of her character where she is touched by Vash's convictions, and his love for humanity. She didn't start off jaded and roughened by the planet this time so I think it has a bit less impact in that regard. But I think the best thing they did for her is she is basically the stand in ambassador for humanity and its strength of character. Wolfwood: I don't have to much to say for him personally. but dude needs to have some fun. First ep with him was pretty great but after that was just a lot of angry yelling and nasty looks. Like...for awhile I couldnt even see how him and Vash are friends besides the fact that Vash is nice to him. Him and Meryl almost had more nice moments than both of them. I LOVED finally getting to see more of his backstory though esp with Livio that was so great. But I really wish we got to see how much he cares about kids and him interacting with them. All we would get is NOT THE ORPHANAGE!! but we never get to see it in action really. Besides him giving Zazie a lollypop that one time and the flashbacks but those only included Livio for the most part. Roberto: NGL I loved him he was cynical and grumpy LOL I was pretty offput at first because it felt like he was replacing Milly. I dont think he wasnt really utilized to his full potential though. Especially because he dies later. I feel like we didnt get enough time with him or character moments. I think it could have made his death hit harder. Also just a shame that he was just there to further Meryls arc. But i think he was meant to mirror Meryls drive to help against his pessimism. Milly: millyseason2millyseason2millyseason2!! That's the main group anyway. Thank you for the ask!
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barrenclan · 1 year
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THRASHER?
STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING THRASHER GOD DAMN FOOL WEASEL KILLING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT WARRIOR OF BITCHCLAN BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING THRASHER
STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT THRASHER I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE KILL SO MANY FUCKED UP ANIMALS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST LET THEM GO IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM ONLY BEEN IN ONE ISSUE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST EVERYTHING GET AWAY FROM ME
if i wanted to get into heaven and god said thrashers waiting inside i would piss on gods feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down
if i have to deal with thrasher speaking one more word in person on page in comic not only will i close the tab i will briefly unfollow out of spite and have to reread the entire comic again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive
i dont even know why i hate him so much (< lying). he's just some asshole but i am just mad because i am angy
he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some shithead whos a fan of slashers and wanted the irl version ill go ham
BETTER have had the deathcult make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him
paypal.com/IFuckingHateThrasher
other issues arent even about him. vaguely mention what is supposed to maybe be his group and I lose it
where the fuck is thrasher if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt
crusty old man
ill punch thrasher and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge meat fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final dead thing he kept on him at all times with Now You Fucked Up written on it in blood
im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point
i hope theres a date given for when thrasher died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone
everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who was so loyal to a fucked up if true cult
(note: i'm not sorry)
AHHH THIS IS MY FAVORITE ASK I'VE EVER RECEIVED PLEASE
Thrasher avatar of the whore.... I hate him and his fucked up books
Oh my God I can't believe you actually wrote the whole thing out AND changed it to be accurate to Thrasher. I'm ROLLING
I refuse to explain this to anyone who isn't familiar with the source. Just know I can HEAR the voice in my head
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pengosolvent · 1 year
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you comparing sean chiplock drama stuff to literally holocaust nazi propaganda is so insensitive holy shit do you never take a moment to think about what you say and if you should say it at all. i genuinly want to know the thought process behind you thinking twitter drama between some voice actor and the person you simp for is in any way comparable to brainwashing used by mass murderers
that is not what happened i feel you should stop hate reading things for your own health, and also take a moment for yourself to think and ask questions in ways that don't strip context i request that you try to follow what i've written, to think before replying again if you reply again, but i admit that i do not feel like that is likely, and it makes me feel sad
if you genuinely want to know:
i was specifically replying to glip saying how they had felt back in 2013, based on how sean spoke to them back then. glip said that they had felt "every single person could not only lie, but could not care that it's a lie" i was replying to glip's feeling they had shared that landed in me as similar to "i felt like the whole world could be hostile, from lies, and no one would care it was lies" which seemed hugely isolating and painful
like… the feeling of "what matters is what people believe, even if it's lies" is… aligned to propaganda and the effects it has, even if its on a small scale especially if its possible to manipulate what people believe…
you… know there was a ton of propaganda leading up to the holocaust right? that it wasnt just out of nowhere? that eventually that countries (not just germany) actually ran fake stories specifically to rile up their own citizens in the years leading up to that?
i had been watching videos/docs/reading up on propaganda tactics from the alt right, and how things align to world war propaganda as well videos on how history ISN'T just an untouchable idea and we should learn to think about and examine mentalities that are vulnerable to these sort of ideas, purposefully or not things dont exist in a vacuum, there are core feelings and similarities to things
i understand that large tragedies in history being compared carelessly can be painful, but that wasnt what i was … even trying to do
i am not comparing this "drama" of sean saying something about some character or whatever to the scale of the holocaust as you seem to be implying i was thinking specifically of how horrible "what matters is what people believe even if it's lies" is as a concept, how that belief can really disconnect from even wanting to understand truth, how it connected me to media i had been intaking lately and how its a belief that feels dangerous to go unchallenged
do you agree with "what matters is what people believe even if its lies"…? do you feel that belief is totally unrelated to what can cause propaganda to flourish…? do you feel that that belief isnt a big deal?
i don't feel it's wrong to see something and feel "this feels like if this idea was widespread, it could be dangerous and cause issues" and make that connection
if my wording was unclear, well.. i had talked to glip about the videos i was watching and even sent some of them earlier that day my reply was to them, so they knew what i meant when i mentioned it because we had already discussed a lot on those videos i did not expect a random anon to come into my inbox from peeping so i didnt formulate my thought as an entire thesis as i appear to be doing now it was not that i "never think", but my thoughts were not expanded upon deeply there because i had already talked about those thoughts elsewhere
" holy shit do you never take a moment to think about what you say and if you should say it at all" is honestly a really painful thing to say i do feel you won't really care (this is my impression), but it is cutting in a way i wish you could have found other words for why was "do you never think" your go to? it implies so much and dismisses so much i hope you haven't been hurt in that way, that what you have thought and said was responded to like this it makes me feel sadness to imagine i hope that if you have felt pain in this way, that you can heal from it
if you havent felt pain that way, i hope you never do
back on topic, i suppose… i just don't feel it's wrong to see the effect of an idea on someone and feel "this feels like a very dark feeling to have and reminds me of concepts i had been watching"
i feel like… ideas that allow one to ignore personhood… it does slip into fascism and dangerous territory genuinely, i do feel that way
"i dont think you're nice so i think its okay to hurt you" "what matters is what people believe even if its lies"… these ideas need to be challenged, imo
i feel that it SHOULD matter if people believe lies, and that i rather they want to understand and not just accept that i feel people in general should try to grow away from feeling its acceptable to hurt those they do not like (or at the very least question it!), because it's… its energy thats wasted and can be rerouted it does not cause lasting change to bully others a society where the biggest bully is right doesnt… help anyone
this isnt to say that struggle and defense isnt something others sometimes need to partake in, but this being the first resort? this sort of impulsive aggressive jump to me, where you're invulnerable and anon and i just have to tank your hit? its hurting me because you feel its acceptable to hurt me, and i don't really like that it feels like you have intent to hurt me, over not understanding something i said and because you feel its okay, anything i say is just… noise for that fuel i suppose
but i could be wrong i'm just stating how i feel about it based on the impression youve given me in this ask
if you want to explain how i am being insensitive, i would try to listen, but given the way you have worded this ask and appear to be hatereading, i don't really feel confidence that you will actually care about if i understand, nor will you care about explaining
it does hurt to be talked to like this, though again i do not feel you will care about that aspect
if you are hurt from me having said that, i am sorry and would try to listen and discuss to understand that too, but again, given that it seems you are hate reading things, i don't expect a lot from this interaction
i also dont expect you to actually talk about your pain (if you have pain) because you decided to message me on anon so it feels like not feeling able to stand by your opinions or feelings, or maybe even expecting attacks on yourself if you reveal yourself, similar to how you are attacking me now or i could be wrong and you dont have a tumblr but either way it feels impersonal, which feels like treating me like im not a person i try not to treat others the way you have sent this ask if i'm talking to them if i'm upset, i try to be upfront about why and how it made me feel, not insulting
so i guess since this ask doesnt feel that way, thats why i'm interpreting it the way i wrote above
i hope my explanation can help clarify if you genuinely wanted to know as you claimed if not, then i cannot really help further than that
i just do not want to close connections
large things start small large painful moments in history can start from a build up of small pains, and feeling specific ideas as related in small ways is not… inherently wrong part of what i was drawing upon was my own memories of people i knew giving this sort of feeling, of manipulative narrative, and becoming alt-right and into neonazi ideas i don't know if it will mean anything to you, but i am not white, so i take these sort of feelings (of removing personhood) seriously i dont mean to say that to try to use my identity as a shield, but to try to explain where i was coming from and my interest in understanding alt-right and holocaust things, racist indoctrination, and even stuff like the mentalities behind colonialism
i am also speaking from my experience of having written a callout and seen how that contributed to large harassment (in relation to "large things start small")
i do feel like its important to try to understand things and connect things here and there if a connection ends up being incorrect, thats still information that was learned
trying to shame me into not making these connections just… feels like you have no interest in understanding me so it confuses me why you said you genuinely want to know i have tried to take that sincerely, and worded myself here, but it does not feel sincere from you it feels like you are saying "i genuinely want to know" in a way that is more like "i dont believe anything you can say right now, so prove yourself to me"
i hope thats not the case i would request that you not reply so aggressively if you choose to reply, but i do not have hope for that
if you do not want to try to understand me, if "i genuinely want to know" was not genuine, then i think i will just block you
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straycalamities · 7 months
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no for real the onceler fandom when i was a huge part of it (2015/2016) was so fuckin toxic half the people left bc everyone was praising one or two blogs and acting like everyone else was dirt. it was super discouraging and i ran about 3 blogs and the only interactions i ever got was from people starting drama :(
im not sure what the askblog scene looks like today but im HOPING and PRAYING its better
eughh im sorry that sounds like absolute hell...i barely dipped my toes in because i was recovering from Stuff (stuff that took me to this year to get over enough to even make another personal blog) so i wasnt Too up-to-date with what was going on in the fandom from 2015 tooo 2019?ish? even if i popped in on entre's blog time to time, but i've heard stuff from others and friends
i think the askblog scene is A LOT more chill these days. a lot more lax and there's sooo much just...Less of everything that it makes things easier to like take in stride at least to me compared to 2012-2014 days where everything was so intense, extreme, and constant
there's still the like ghosts of the same issues that've been present since day one but its like...on a MUCH lesser scale. i honestly think it's pretty good all things considered :) the only thing that makes it rly hard for me compared to past eras is how split the fandom is uhhh app/site-wise (like its very much spread across tiktok, tumblr, twitter, discord, maybe more...idk) and so it feels like im missing out if i dont keep up everywhere LMAO and each location comes with its own issues either population-wise or site/app-wise
i miss how centralized it used to be to tumblr u_u and obviously having more content to look at back in the day, i got very spoiled on it so when i peruse the fandom content its like a lot less to look at but thats honestly GOOD FOR ME BC I HAVE NO TIME NOW LMAOOOO but its just like strange bc im like woah i dont have to scroll for an hour on entres dash anymore to catch up
well i do, but that's bc i have no time to check it on work days and so it piles up for when i do sit and take the time. cant imagine the hell i'd be in if it was 2012-era activity
ppl who had full-time jobs in the fandom in 2012 damn...i salute you.
unfortunately with a fandom as niche as this, it kinda cooks up the same issues over and over again and it makes me wish there was some sort of disclaimer that popped up as soon as you wanted to join the fandom to give you a rundown on how the culture is, who the people are, what the past drama was (so dont bring it up again), and all that LMFAO like a onceler fandom 101 that was just beamed into your device when you were like hmm what if i joined the onceler fandom LMAO
i kinda wanna do something like that specifically for askblogs? like a dos and donts. or "things i wish i knew when i started an askblog" type of thing but alas..no time. bc i see other mods go through the same obstacles/difficulties i went through and learned to either change my thinking on, or something else to either help me get past it/over it or at least cope better and id wanna pass that on if the fandoms gonna keep getting revived every two or so years and then cave in on itself from the same rehashed drama/problems it always has :sob emoji:
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Mother Fucking Urza Planeswalker
URZA PLANESWALKER? STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING URZA PLANESWALKER GOD DAMN FOOL ARTIFACT COLLECTING DUST EATING RAT OLD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT GARBAGE BOY WITH SIBLING ISSUES LAUGHED OUT OF DOMINARIA MAIDENLESS MOTHERFUCKING URZA PLANESWALKER
STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT URZA PLANESWALKER I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP ARTIFACTS WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET THEM LOOSE IS HE DEAD IS HE A BASTARD
MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM NEVER SEEN THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME
if i wanted to get into heaven and yawgmoth said urza planeswalkers waiting inside i would piss on yawgmoths feet for the sole purpose of getting sent back down
if i have to deal with urza planeswalker speaking one word in person on voice in arena not only will i close the game i will delete the app out of spite and have to reread the entire 30 years of magic story again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive
i dont even know why i hate him so much. he commits war crimes but i am just mad because i am angy
he better have some fucked up backstory to explain this if hes just some rich shithead whos a fan of creepypasta and wanted the irl version ill go ham
BETTER have had an artifact make him kill a man cuz if he didnt Im going to make him
paypal.com/IFuckingHateUrzaPlaneswalker
 episodes not even about him. vaguely mentioned what is supposed to maybe be his secret demiplane and i lost it
where the fuck is urza planeswalker if hes still alive im going to so deeply wish he wasnt crusty old man ill punch urza and his sad frail old man twig bones will simply flake apart under my epic huge phyrexian fist and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final nuke he kept on him at all times simply labeled Now You Fucked Up in ancient thran
im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point
i hope theres a date given for when urza died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone
every day once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who did so many fucked up if true war crimes
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narwhalandchill · 8 months
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anyway tho like. now that ive played the 1.2 story and sat on it a bit id say my overall thoughts are def mixed. i enjoyed a lot of it but theres some things that sorta just stick out or dont work and the pacing definitely worked against the story
(just a long rant/ramble upcoming its not coherent at all lol)
one thing that rly rubbed me the wrong way was like. while overall this story rly sold fu xuan as a character to me (i was a huge fan of her presence overall) the dan shu thing just felt? wrong? and like to be clear it wasnt just fu xuan the scenes writing was off in general but her role in being the one countering dan shus points just made her p central to the problem.
but like my issue is that dan shu is previously established as having very understandable reasons behind her resentment of lan that made her compelling as twist villain imo. Yet that resolve was nowhere in the scene in her rebuttal of the xianzhous ways?? when i think that shouldve been The moment of her calling out the xianzhou and actually challenging fu xuan properly. it wouldve been an even better opportunity to expand upon how fu xuan responds to being confronted with the xianzhous flaws and hypocrisy and problems. but somehow yassified dan shu really just. had a generic villain speech and thats it. the callback to their heritage as former followers of abundance was... fine? but like it wasnt that impactful. and fu xuan essentially calling her nothing but a power hungry villain when thats very much Not what dan shus motivation boils down to sucks and now players who didnt read her diary or play/pay attention to her side quest will think of her as just a generic bad guy and not a very tragic complex figure of her own
then the like. underutilization of blade was just like. ok what was the point. it IS funny to reference the tuxedo mask meme and how he skewers his ex yet immediately gangs up with him against yanqing and all but honestly he shouldve gotten to be more feral and present than he did like its just meh. ig its kafka keeping him from messing up elios script but cmon. i want more of him. yanqing also got done so dirty in that scene like. he shouldve gotten some more screentime and focus even if his job was p much to just get bodied. kid just watched jing yuan make deals with criminals no way he isnt affected by it
in general i was p shocked how inexistent the high cloud quintet was from the story. but ig w how rushed the pacing was for dan hengs backstory reveals at times already ig its better left for later (hopefully). i just rly hope this means that the topic get its time to shine properly in the future. esp since im p sure they never even named any of dan fengs crimes outright which is a curious choice.
jing yuan got a rly solid characterization and i definitely enjoyed it!!! even if im a little miffed at how they didnt give dan heng enough breathing room to come to terms with the emotional impact of facing his past and memories thanks to the plot moving forward so fast and he was kinda the one leading that. but he was still great - i liked the scheming side to him and the arguably pretty ruthless way he leveraged dan hengs exile status to force his hand to cooperate a lot. his reasoning makes sense obvi but its still a very brutal and utilitarian approach and i like that energy for his character. his duty is to the luofu above all else even if thats far from all he is about. overall his and dan hengs interactions including dan heng very much emphasizing his desire to be seen as separate from dan feng were a highlight for sure. and jing yuans final showdown moment against phantylia slapped obviously
and then w dan heng im torn between like. really loving all the good stuff we got with the insane cutscenes and the vidyadhara echoes and then wishing that he got just that little bit more for his own realizations and inner conflict. and the part about not properly featuring blade also hurt his story too imo bc the anticlimactic nature of the scene where blade confronts him and forces the transformation and how he n kafka just... leave rly kinda flattens the impact of the reveal moment esp since thats when jing yuan just all but openly says ok time for the plot. but they still did a great job selling DHIL and i think im overall a fan of how they seem to have handled the dan feng vs dan heng thing (and its roughly what i was expecting). dan feng is dead but its never just that simple either. i hope theyll be exploring the exact nature of dan fengs sins and the sedition in the future
im so mad i spoiled myself the tingyun thing bc jfc the neck snap wouldve hit So hard if the reveal itself was also a complete surprise. and its sth that was genuinely well built up like i remember thinking her 1.0 dialogue was kinda sus but wouldve never imagined the actual truth. dont do leaks folks sometimes this happens and it sucks :/ but i have to say phantylia herself was kinda? underwhelming. i liked when she picked up jing yuan like a little bug she wanted to squish and the boss fight was cool but to be fair. this was like 50% bc of how bad the sound mixing was for all of her dialogue that overlapped w in game battle. she rly lacks the necessary menace and imposing energy when u can barely even make out what shes saying 😭 her voice shouldve been as loud and large as her..... Presence. jing yuan carried the boss fight and the final cutscene but man the fade to black rly didnt do the abrupt ending any favors like we just teleport to exalted sanctum and thats it???? maybe jing yuan dies maybe not!!!
overall my prime issue is p much just how like. it feels like they shoved 3-4 mini arcs worth of stuff into one speedrun when all of them deserved more focus and exploration and the pacing rly got rough at times. it wasnt like inazuma level bad but it does get me wondering if hoyos just bad at doing these big conclusions to prior build up and holding the story threads tightly together until the end.
this comes off as super negative helpp but like. by no means did i hate all of it so dont take it the wrong way lmao. its more that there was good stuff there but also wasted potential. for the most part i was having a blast but to be fair that was 40% just playing blade ridiculously underleveled through it all. i only got him to lvl 80 for the boss fight
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lobotomycase · 9 months
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ok but you are so right, thanks for giving me your point of view regarding sugi! i guess i felt the ending was a little anti-climatic, because as you said, it went from cliffhanger to sudden chillness, but- that was the point wasn't it. it was over.
as for the persimmons i guess i didn't want it to be a big thing, just. i like suffering HAHAH i liked how sugimoto grieved, but at the end of the day that's just how life is, you have to move on there is no real *big* moment of enlightenment, he just *shrugs* was ready to start moving on, thanks to asirpa and the experiences he had thru the story 😊
what do you think abt people wishing he had died tho? i personally don't think much about that, i like that he's alive, and i would also have liked if he died 🤔 both outcomes are good for his character
wait omg tumblr glitched! im only getting this rn!!!!!!!
but yeah yeah that's exactly it no? moving on, sometimes it isn't like this big thing, this like huge revelation moment. sometimes it just... is. sometimes you change and you don't really realise how much you have changed until you look back. and i think at the end thats just such a good ending for gk to have. because its fundamental message isnt about the grief of human existence but that change is good. like especially taking into account asirpa deciding to dedicate her life to fighting for her people's rights and moving on from the shadow of her father it ties in real nicely with sugimoto's own narrative too.
see, my main issue with the asirpa and sugimoto ending is that.... even tho i dont think noda intended it like that, its too... ambiguous for my taste? like ppl who ship them (🤢🤮) could totally look at that ending and see them as canon. which um. yeah 😐
BUT as for sugimoto being alive im also so glad hes alive and people who say he should have died are just haters u_u
i will admit that i thought he WOULD die for most of the series. the whole "immortal" sugimoto things just felt like foreshadowing to me sjdksjdnks and noda had very obviously planned his story out so the constant bringing up of it just felt like it was setting up hid death. and during the entire last arc i was biting my nails the whole time because i was SO convinced noda would kill him i wasnt relieved until i saw him in the last chapter haha
but looking back now, i think we should have known he would survive when he completely gave up on the gold and decided to help asirpa. bc like i said the core message of gk isn't suffering its that people are able to overcome their past and move on. i mean, most of the major characters's arcs revolve around this (tanigaki, tsukishima, inkarmat, asirpa, sugimoto, i guess even ogata to an extent (tho his would be more about how he DOESNT move on))
so for all of this character development to be poured down the drain at the last moment....... that would have sucked more tbh. it would have felt empty and out of the blue.
but im also biased so if noda had decided to kill him off i would be saying the opposite lmao
it really is just the sugimoto asirpa shippers that have me -_- there were too many moments in the manga that made me go: "hm. -_- " for me to be able to rest easy with them going back to live together. maybe if everyone were normal and didnt ship them i wouldn't mind bc they both have an incredibly strong bond and they changed each other fundamentally so them having parted ways in the end would have broken my heart. but it was too damn vague..... like i said, i dont think (at least i hope NOT) noda intended it like that, but...... i cant trust people not to be weird about it. noda i need you to confirm sugimoto gay RIGHT NOW pls pls pls.
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nerdygaymormon · 9 months
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Im keeping this on anon because I-I... Well, you'll see.
I've been working on my issues for a while; getting diagnosed properly, working through trauma, and being kinder to myself. And I just... Discovered a huge issue with how I was raised regarding sex.
I was raised Mormon and raised to be sexy but sexless. I had to conform to male ideals of how a woman should look, which was sexy, but if I ever implied anything but being a stalwart virgin I'd be shamed... Or worse.
This has led to two horrific things in my life:
The first one is that I realized I've been fantasizing about being raped since I started puberty as a young child, that being the only 'acceptable' way to have sex without being damned. Ive had a high libido my whole puberty and post puberty life, but no one ever taught me how to care for those urges. Ever. And its intensely horrific that a young child would yearn for sexual violence.
The second is when my parents caught me looking at pornography. It wasnt even porn, it was erotic content, but it was enough they took *every* possible device in my name, cutting off every avenue of communication, and confined me to the house for weeks and started talking about forcing me into rehab for my 'addiction'. The truth was I had absolutely no way to manage my high libido and no one that would help, so I turned to the thing I thought I could hide. I had to essentially escape to the neighbors, claim abuse, and then after months of consulting with my psychiatrist, a psychologist, and two bishops my parents stopped controlling my life (and instead are trying to 'good advice' me into controlling my life anyways)
Over mild erotic imagery.
I already know I need to leave the house and make my parents as minimally involved in my life as possible, and I'm also going to have to wipe my records from the Church to keep them from trying to stalk me. While theyve let me have control, theyre always breathing down my neck and trying to 'drag me back' into the Church... When it was the Church that caused all of these problems in the first place. This is severe sexual and religious trauma and I know I need to leave, but I cant drive, I cant afford a place to live, and if I wipe my records now my parents will get far worse.
Its okay if you don't answer this ask, a-and if youre willing to talk to me in private refer to me as the Barbie Anon and I'll reveal myself, but I need help. Where can I go?
I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. You're in a tough situation.
I'm not an expert on available resources beyond some national help lines for things like suicide. Actual resources are usually available through your state or city, or from local non-profits. You could try contacting The Trevor Project and asking one of their counselors if they could point you towards resources that could help you leave your home. If you're in Utah, perhaps you could contact the Encircle House near you and see what they can suggest.
I know when it feels like you're stuck in a situation you can't get out of, it feels like this will never end. Please know that life gets better. As we get older, get a job, go to college, go to counseling, get some benefits & assistance, and so on, we get more control over our life and we get to make changes.
Good luck! Wishing you the best!
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