#i wish i listened to my friends and dropped that gross dropout

[beaversatemygrandma]

Wow. Just spent HOURS getting shit together and putting it in boxes. Found some neat old stuff that I haven’t touched since i moved out of my mom’s house. Some stuff included some nice memories. Some pics from prom where a good friend of mine was slowly pushing away my shitty abusive ex from me and pushing me into his friend group so I’d actually have a good time. And I did. Because of him. God I miss that guy. He was the first one to step up and point out just how bad my ex was treating me and gave me a whole support system. It’s a shame we fell out and I don’t have enough time before moving to make a move to hang out before i go. Besides, he lives a whole two hours from here now and I haven’t heard from him in over a year. At least I’ll be back in that ‘hometown’ in the next year or so and move in with a good friend.

I feel so melancholic and nostalgic right now. I really wish I dumped that asshole sooner and spent my senior year with friends who actually cared. Can’t spend too long feeling like shit over things that have passed long ago, but I can’t help how emotionally drained I am now.

#cant really blame myself over all that shit that happened either #the way i finally cut that ex off was genuinely traumatic and it took the help of a totally different friend bc the fuckhead trapped me #got stuck in his house with threats that he'd commit suicide if i left so my friend called the cops and had him baker acted #it took months just to get to that point where i was sick of his shit #every other time he'd just guilt me back into his damn trap #that time i knew i wasnt going to deal with it and finally finished the whole thing #it didn't have to go over that way but he pushed me too far #i HATE my actual prom pics #like the ones where im with my ex and we're all dressed up standing on a dock at sunset #i hate those so much but those pics with that group of classmates and the one friend pushing my ex out of the frame? #love them so much #at least now i've learned not to allow people to manipulate my kindness further than im comfortable #but agh i wish i learned sooner #i lost two fucking years to that shit #i burnt out from him and my family being just plain awful and nearly lost all the work i had put into to be in honors classes #it wasnt even the schoolwork that killed me it was the emotional uproar from every other part of my life #its been four damn years but remembering these things still has the same feeling #i wish it never happened #i wish i listened to my friends and dropped that gross dropout #at least there will no longer be chance of running into him in public again once i move #I'll be states away from him and all the shit that happened #but I'll also be states away from all the friends i made and accidentally cut off during my emotionally burnt out phase #at least I'll finally start getting my shit together #beavers speaks #looking at you 2016-2017 fucked up years