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#i wish i could present how i wanted to
cnl0400 · 3 months
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I understand why they didn't introduce Michael in the past but I think we needed more people suspecting MC was Not From Here™, they should have played More with the idea that anybody could unmask MC/Solomon true motives and Michael already knew, It would have been better for him taunting MC with the idea of telling the truth to everyones else unless they stop making pacts with the brothers (Bcuz y'know, thats what Nightbringer wants, Right? And whatever he wants must be... Not good?)
In earlier seasons the tease the idea of two Rings of Light existing in the same timeline, can you imagine the interactions?
Michael: Wow MC! that's a pretty ring you have there!
MC: ... Yeah...
Michael: It looks identical to the one I have here, see? *Flashes His own Ring of Light to MC*
MC: Ah... *Gulp*
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sealrock · 4 months
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the silence of the lamb.
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februaryberries · 8 months
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the worst part of break is the last day when you're just drowning in stress thinking about going back. i feel literally physically nauseous
#the stupidest part is that i'm so fucking stressed mostly about my fucking FILM class#more than any of my honors courses#i haven't done enough work in it at all and i'm so embarrassed about it so i don't want to start working on it and show how little i have#done so i get even more behind#i have a film i have to make and it's only half done and now i can't fucking find it in my files cuz i'd planned on working on it this brea#but i got sick and wasted 4 days of my already stupidly short break#i have TWO whole presentations on an actor and a director and i don't CARE or know about any actors or directors#i just feel sick#i wish i could drop it or just fucking fail it but i can't#it's so so stupid#i'm never gonna be able to take another class with that teacher from the fucking shame i feel actually horrible every time i go in her clas#and the worst part is that it's literally my fault i could have just done the fucking work and i didn't#kiwifae says shit#ugh okay this made me feel better i need to just figure out my actor director presentations (which are my fucking final btw 😭)#i accept the shit grade i'm getting on the film i can fix it if i make decent presentations i'm just mad i'm doing bad and getting so#stressed over a dumbass extra class like film production like what#i still don't think i can take another class with her she's really pleasant but i just feel so so sick whenever i go in there cuz i feel so#guilty#which is a shame cuz she teaches photography which i would really like to take#maybe senior year idk i might not care anymore then#also i'm aware this isn't a normal amount of shame and anxiety just for procrastinating i just feel super bad abt this for some reason#sorry for ranting but i'm just blehhhhhhh rn#ok i'm gonna get something to eat and take a shower maybe i'll feel less like i'm dying#👍
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mintjeru · 4 months
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excited for their new song ^^
open for better quality | no reposts
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clenastia · 1 month
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i dont know why the running joke of this chapter is kakashi fearing for his kidneys. where did that come from. WHY did that come from.
i should probably cut that in editing it's a little ridiculous.
except it makes me giggle every time so maybe i should leave it there.
#girl's mind fanfic#clena's writing progress#just have to write ONE more conversation and the whole chapter is done. but DAMN if editing wont be a bitch#still wondering if i should cut jiraiya's 3-page infodump#because while most people dont mind#some people keep commenting saying that my fic is too wordy and i keep adding unnecessary things#and like. they're 1% of reviews but i have the emotional fragility of a china teacup#i cry when i get those sorts of reviews and they ruin my day even tho i get twenty comments who love my rambling#but like. also. i shouldnt delete stuff from my fic just for the 1% of assholes who will say mean things about it#but also i dont want to cry when someone inevitably says something mean about it.#most if not all of said assholes are on fanfiction dot net so technically i could just stop cross posting#except there are people on that site who DO like my rambles so#ugh. why am i such an emotionally sensitive crybaby. my life would be so much better#if i didnt have such thin skin#i'm 90% certain that jiraiya's 3-page infodump is going to get LONGER with editing cause i'm gonna turn it from infodump into#an actual conversation. so who knows how many pages it'll be by the end. the chapter's already 6500 words#which is double my average chapter length#and i DO like the info he presents even if it maybe ISNT strictly required for progressing the story. probably only the last paragraph is#ugh. i wish people would just never say mean things ever. then i wouldn't have a problem with anything xD
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mdrambles · 4 months
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a strange dream of mine
(perhaps merely a fantasy):
someone sees through our eyes
just for one shift
they see the monitors beeping, the parents weeping,
the children--looking like they might only be sleeping
the clock,
the way numbers look different when you call them out
after the phrase
"time of death"
then they see the family that screams
your next patient--climbing all over the gurney
they have been waiting for several hours.
you send them home,
they curse your name, your family,
(your own children)
because you had the audacity
to "do nothing".
next, they see the dirty looks
from all the parents pacing the hallway between patient rooms
as you rush toward the bathroom
and as you sit on the toilet, head in your hands,
they see you cry,
they see you wash your face,
they see you take one more second to steel yourself
put your PPE back on
and go back to work
with those venomous stares
stabbing you in the back with every step you take
toward the next patient you need to see.
then, the end of the shift--
returning home in a blur;
no one knows how you got there,
least of all, yourself
how you stare at the shower floor until next thing you realize
you've dragged yourself into bed
your partner turns over, half-asleep,
"how was your shift?" they say, groggily
"fine," you reply, quiet
you stare at the ceiling until it's time to go back to work
and do it all again.
and someone seeing through your eyes--
that's when they wake up
would they be surprised? shocked? horrified?
this is where the fantasy ends
because i'm too afraid to know
on whose behalf that silent witness
feels their heart break
(most of the time
when we lose sleep after a shift
we're the ones that feel most strongly
that we didn't do enough
and we saw it all
firsthand)
-- thoughts from the front lines 2023
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poems-of-a-lover · 8 months
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im so jealous of cis guys. being able to grow up how they want and being confident in themselves and just. im so fuckin jealous. it is so hard. SO hard. to feel comfortable with someone else in a relationship when im not comfortable with myself. i hate it.
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tomboytwentynine · 11 months
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my friends and I are having a "slideshow night" soon where we all are gonna get a chance to rant about our hyperfixations together and guess what my chosen topic is
trikey gta v
im very excited. lmk if y'all want updates
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enviousinfluences · 6 months
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Trauma
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tzarina-alexandra · 6 months
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Anyway if there's one thing in today's study that I found useful was that I finally have the references to the Bible verses that describe what is Wrong with me specifically...
Hebrews 5:11-14 and especially James 1:6-8.... I'm so doubtful and easily swayed and I really should be more certain about convictions and doctrine and God's character but I made one step forward and 2 backwards all the time I always have to go to square one all the time. And I have so little assurance so I'm always swayed like the wind so I kind of use the approval of my peers as like... assurance, confidence etc. Which is Very Bad in the case of checking my standing with God and just ... agh... I wish I had made more progress in 10 years of faith....
#living in the post apocalypse#maybe it really is religious trauma... but i dont wanna use that as an excuse i really do want to change and be more mature and#be a normal Christian and have a non strained relationship with God#i know its not about personal performances too! like i know Jesus has been with me all this time and its not good to minimise that and#focus on my failings but. then again. i also wish i didnt go to square one at the slightest trigger!!!#and my lack of spiritual maturity makes onlookers such as my parents doubt my faith cause look!#very measly fruit!!#and since im so weak and dependent on others confirmation i then doubt my standing with God too#and thats just so so so bad i shouldn't ever do that#im so tired of everything#i wish everything about Christian life was easier. talking to God like an actual dad not a king who cant wait to decapitate you#reading my bible without every verse being about how im losing my salvation because look i lack X Y or Z fruit#or the verse about bad guys applies to me etc. i wish going to church didnt require me to not pay attention to anything#just to not let it disturb me emotionally for the rest of my week making me ruminate on it#i wish getting alomg with other Christians was easy and didnt make me compare with them#and that i could talk with a fellow Christian without feeling like i have to follow their every advice like God's word#i wish i could pray sincerely with other Christians present not just milquetoast stuff and not be afraid ill be judged about what sin i#deal with atm. i wish anybody would understand my struggles!!!!! instead of accusing me of rebelling against God!!! instead of minimising#and invalidating my suffering because i should be more grateful. or because oh we all go through that its not so dramatic#or just plain old not Understand me at all. or assume that if i dont fit in with church ppl then i want to fit in with the world#i am TIRED of feeling accused and guilty and confused and swayed like the wind all day everyday im TIRED IM TIRED OH LORD IM SO TIRED WHEN#WILL I EVER REST CHRISTIANITY ISNT SUPPOSEE TO BE BURDENSOME#YET IT HAS BEEN THE MOST DIFFICULT THING IN MY LIFE FOR ALL MY LIFE AND IT STILL IS#I STILL HAVENT MADE ANY PROGRESS AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME W/O ACCUSING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!#I DONT WANNA FRICCIN DECOMVERT I DONT WANNA SIN I DONT WANNA FIGHT GOD I JUST WANT TO REST!!!!!#I WANT TO HEAL I WANT TO BE UNDERSTOOD I WANT TO FEEL SAFE TO BE HONEST AND BE MYSELF#I WANT A NORMAL NON STRESSFUL CHRISTIAN WALK!!! I GUESS I AM GENUINELY TRAUMATISED HUH!!! IF IM UBABLE AFTER 22 YEARS OF LIFE AND 10 YEARS#OF FAITH TO HAVE A NORNAL HEALTHY VIEW OF GOD AND A NON STRAINED RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS I GUESS I DO#HAVE SOME CAPITAL T RELIGIOUS TRAUMA HUH!! BUT I WOULD LIKE TO HEAL I DESPERATELY NEED IT PLEASE I AM BEGGING#I AM CRYING AND IF I COULD I WOULD SCREAM TOO I JUST WANT A NORMAL LIFE LORD PLEASE I AM BEGGING PLEASE!!!!!
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Video
youtube
collaborated with @poppies-for-thirteen and made a video of their collage poem
cw for flashing images and glitchy sound and visual effects
#LOVED doing this#was super fun#loved how it was all back and forth the whole way#my favourite parts are#the sequence from 0:03-0:05#'i wish i never told anyone' under 13 with her watch and yaz with the coin. each with their own secrets bc theyre too much alike <3#'you cant say your wish out loud' and 13 quietly begging to be given a reason to stay a bit longer#the heartbeat. at some points especially it makes really nice transitions where text fades out on it or the image cuts#or when 13 is on the sofa in 11x1 vs on the floor in 12x10#the entire sequence after yaz says 'i'd rather not have met her cus' and then it's like a slideshow of their greatest hits/reasons why#0:28-0:33 'can we just live in the present' 13 in yazs apartment looking at rOTTING GARBAGE THAT HASNT BEEN DISPOSED OF PROPERLY#yaz looking at her all hearteyes bc she doesnt mind living in this present for a bit either#'somewhere i can never find it' with 13 being bad at hiding secrets like yaz can see all the secrets in plain sight but she doesnt get to#know what they are. 'somewhere i can never find it' o's hut with all the files. something something hidden in plain sight again#'a life i never knew' with ruth and 13 driving up to fake life lighthouse and then it's yaz in her old job and yaz in her timestorm au#the life they never knew being like. both literally and also roads not taken. what if yaz had never met the doctor.#what if the doctor could have a normal stationary life. lives they havent known#'i want to fix myself' with 13 looking Like That at tesla makes me want to CRY#plus then yaz of course for double points#'i wish this would go on forever' + 13 counting endless days on the wall#'i want to forgive myself' with 13 saying 'im just a traveller' like.... babe <3 im gonna scream#i know i made it. still#that one distorted shot of 13 falling bleeding through the shot from the end of arachnids where theyre about to pull the lever together#and yaz looking up at 'i want to tell you everything' and the letters all wobbling like that#i acknowledge that this is most of the video that is my favourite part#but it's a good video i like it :)#okay im logging off now for real. had to do this video real quick but now im gonna go touch grass. see you later
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graycat-talksback · 11 days
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cute little dysphoria car breakdown bc even trans people ik irl misgender me accidentally <333 /s (tw vent in tags)
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poppyseed799 · 1 year
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I feel like life series fanon jimmy is kind of mischaracterized and there’s an easy way to make sure you’re doing it right: he has a lot of unearned confidence
#the tags is where I’m going to ACTUALLY say stuff LOL!!!#but like I love life series Jimmy mkay. he’s got that curse of dying first and all. which is what I mean by fanon cuz curses aren’t real#but a lot of fans make it like Jimmy accepts the curse? or even acknowledges that it’s real. which bugs me a bit cuz No He Does Not#(side note tho. I’m not mad about it. I know ppl wanna explore the concept of someone cursed to die first and that’s what they’re doing)#but like Jimmy would just be so in denial about it okay. even if you managed to convince him he would be like ‘..BUT SURELY THIS TIME’#and this relates to ranchers too. I love ranchers ok. mostly cuz my sister does tbh LMAOO she loves them. but ranchers fan content isn’t#what I’m looking for cuz it’s so often stuff like.. Jimmy being like ‘I’m sorry I’m cursed’ and Tango being like ‘it’s ok love u anyway’#but it’s really more like ‘CURSED?? NO! WE WILL WIN!’ which I think is MORE fun for the aftermath of their death. meeting in the afterlife.#I NEED to see ranchers content where they keep denying that the curse is real then Jimmy dies and they’re ghosts or whatever and Jimmy’s#like ‘oh no. we didn’t break the curse. tango probably hates me now. he only liked me cuz we thought the curse wasn’t real.’ and tango to be#like upset at first as anyone would be when they die. but then he like notices the way Jimmy is acting and he’s like ‘no.. ranchers 4 life’#???? what am I saying. hire me for writing fanfic I totally know what I’m doing.#anyways what I’m saying is Jimmy is the canary but he’s the canary that’s like ‘SURELY I can sing for the miners the whole way THIS time’#he is NOT the canary who says ‘WELL time to eventually stop singing in this cave’#HOWEVER I do think that although he has loads of unearned confidence and is in a constant state of denial. he does also have that crumble#sometimes. so it’s not totally ooc imo for him to act like that. but it would be rare moments and also mostly post death#ANOTHER SIDE NOTE I WANNA SAY. I HATE the way I’m saying this as if it’s fact. it’s my personal analysis and just because I think it’s right#doesn’t mean I want to present it as undeniable fact. I could be misinterpreting. if you want to interpret life!Jimmy’s character different#then go on ahead. I don’t hate fanon Jimmy I just wish I saw more like how I see him. that is all.#ok I lied I also wanna add that I’m bad at explaining things ESPECIALLY personalities so it’s possible that I didn’t convey what I wanted to#say properly too. sorry. OKAY NOW THAT IS ALL.
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code-dy · 1 year
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Wouldn't it be hilarious if during the time Thorin worked as a blacksmith, he ended up marrying Bilbo for his money but Bilbo ended up agreeing to the marriage because the blue mountains is prime mushroom farming estate and the dwarrow just doesn't see the value to it? Like, they're both golddiggers who thinks the other is their sugardaddy or something and they both feel really guilty for only marrying the other for their material possession.
A slow burn fic where they slowly fall in love with one another but feels supper guilty in doing so.
Bilbo, who probably has gift-giving as his love language, keeps on buying things for Thorin and Thorin being super guilty about taking advantage of Bilbo's generosity and is now panicking that maybe Bilbo will stop supporting him financially when Bilbo finds out that he only married him for his money.
Thorin, who probably has acts-of-service or quality time as his love language, spends more time with Bilbo doing menial tasks and just is always there and Bilbo being super guilty that he's taking advantage of Thorin's "genuine feelings" to get access to those mushrooms that made all the other hobbits green with envy and is now panicking that maybe Thorin might stop his mushroom gathering privilegea once Thorin picks up on the real reason that he said yes to him.
Also dwarrow and hobbit cultural difference and miscommunication on what they value the most (dwarrow thinking that mushrooms as a courting gift is just scandalous, while hobbits thinks that giving money is akin to buying someone's affection or something)
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chaotictomtom · 8 months
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turning my attention each 5 minutes to some genre of music and going insane +++++ thinking how much i love this genre of music then getting unprompted to some songs from a totally different genre and the same things happens i just cannot stop loving things the circle goes on and on
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