#i went to my community’s annual parade thing yesterday and cried walking home

[mellycoco]

i literally don’t think i’ve ever felt more isolated. i hate life and don’t remember the last time i haven’t been on the verge of tears. my grades have never been so abysmal. coffee is the only thing keeping me going anymore

#idk how to get out of this #i went to my community’s annual parade thing yesterday and cried walking home #because i couldn’t handle seeing all my classmates with their friends and dates #or all my friends who made plans together without me #i ended up driving like fifteen miles across town just to see a friend at the chik-fil-a where he works for like two minutes #i showed up with eyeliner smeared all over my face from crying lol i’m pretty sure he was concerned #i can’t look any of my teachers in the eye anymore because i feel like such a freaking disappointment #i know there are only nineteen school days left in the year but how am i supposed to make it through those #like i’m not suicidal or anything which is a nice difference from the breakdowns of yesteryear but i mean #i hate EVERYTHING. #and idk how to deal anymore #i’m just drowning myself in caffeine and driving aimlessly around town because at least i can’t relapse while on the road #and i don’t have to focus on much else but the pavement in front of me #anyway #negative #chirp chatters