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#i watched it before bed yesterday and lmao...i woke up with such a migraine
failed221b-chill · 1 year
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Day 29 of new meds.
Treated last nights insomnia with the recollection that zoos have live camera feeds of their animals online and just watched a koala hanging out in a tree at sandiego zoo for a long long time until i fell asleep.
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Woke up reluctantly again today. Had an awesome nurder mystery plot dream that was like oooh i better write this down and i could make something from this it was Clever. And then when i tried to remember the details i was like oh it was only clever because dream logic applied and it would never work in reality lmao.
Really woozy but had my cuppa and my meds and breakfast and then went back to lie down more and it felt like the edges of migraine starting but the migraine headache bit never happened thank fuck and so i was just mega fatigued and incapable of doing much at all.
GP who isnt an actual gp just a wellbeing goals setting person rang and i told her i was having a migraine and asked to reschedule so that was fine. Hairdresser messaged me this morn asking to delay my appt by 30mins. So my accidental double booking got resolved without me having to do anything which was nice.
Dad drove me to hairdresser bc original plan to walk there didnt work as i was still in bed in pjs 10mins before my appt was due. Hairdresser was nice always nice to chat with her and gave me a bit of a boost of energy because i enjoy conversations especially talking about things i enjoy and she just lets me ramble on to pass the time and yeah. Lovely stuff. And now my hair is trimmed to its tidy short look again and i can run my hand over the shaved bit and feel the nice texture.
Mum picked me up from hairdressers and i filled dishwasher and had lunch and then went back to lie down again and crash some more. Eventually came up with a tiiiiny bit of story idea and then it was dinner time. Watched a bit of almost paradise bc mum is rewatching that now shes finished the leverage and lev red rewatch binge. Its fun pretending its eliot spencer from a time before he met the leverage crew even though it doesnt completely work the same.
After dinner managed to play piano and have a singsong for a while. Then dad got back from shopping - he bought me a tiny soft ewok toy from the shop lol - and we watched the next ep of my new fav show and it was very fun and now i am very tired.
Also just remembered i was using habitica yesterday. Did not use it today bc forgot its existence until literally just now.
Took all my appropriate meds at appropriate times. Tired. Feeling like the enrichment from the present is not quite enough but the idea of doing anything more with this lack of energy is very unappealing and the knowledge that as the future approaches i will have to do more serious things and actually yknow get shit done that has consequences if i dont get it done... not keen on that. Doesnt feel possible at the moment. Very much do not feel employable at the moment. Just want to lie down. No. Dont want to lie down. Would like to be outside and enjoying myself doing fun things and appreciating nature and my friends etc etc. But have to lie down bc physically cannot stand up and do things when im so exhausted.
Oh and i ate all three meals and felt peckish again after dinner so that was a well done looking after me thing.
Anyways. Early night might help. Too tired to even stay awake rereading my own fics.
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withcharmtospare · 3 years
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when will I be able to express emotional stress and confusion and gee I dunno natural emotional reactions w/ being told to stfu.
like when will I not feel like I am tolerated? and not dismissed when I have legit issues and concerns??
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purplesurveys · 3 years
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1268
The last person you kissed treat you right? Nah.
Would you be shocked if the last person you had feelings for texted you? I’m not interested in anyone; haven’t been in a while.
Is this upcoming year going to be a good one for you? Ugh, I dunno...I feel like 2021 was already such a peak. It’s scary to place high expectations for the next year because it’d obviously be a bummer if it ends up sucking. I can only hope it would be even just as halfway decent as this year.
What if you had a baby with the last person you texted? Biological impossibility aside, it would cause such a stir in the office, I presume. It would also be a big mistake, considering I don’t feel anything towards her and so I’m just not sure how large my commitment would be to the new life being formed.
Who knows your biggest secrets? Well most of them are with Gabie, unfortunately. Thankfully she forgets easily so I hope she doesn’t remember most of them anymore.
Do you care if people hate you for no reason? I care in the sense that I would find it laughable.
Are you in a good mood? Um I think I’m just neutral today. I recklessly took three cups of coffee yesterday and I’m still recovering from what feels like the world’s worst hangover, but I also like that it’s the weekend...idk, there are many elements that are either good or bad that make up my mood today, so I think overall I’m just meh hahaha.
Were you single on your last birthday? Yes.
Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? Not really, unless it’s meant to be a response that warrants more than one word.
Have you ever ran from your own parents? I had plans to run away before, but until now I can’t actually tell if my feelings then were genuine or if it had just been an angsty puberty lashing-out thing.
Are you afraid of clowns? No. Is there someone you are dying to see? Any of my friends.
Do you have any hickeys on you? No, it’s been a while.
You just won $100,000, what’s the first thing you would buy? A new phone because the LCD on mine is B U S T E D as fuck.
Are you currently looking forward to anything? Getting my next paycheck lol. I allotted most of my last salary for other people – three birthdays (Angela’s, my mom’s, my sister’s – why are there so many Virgos?!?! Hahaha) and chipping in to help my dad for an unexpected plumbing issue that came up at home – so nearly none of it was left for me. Fortunately the rest of the month will be far calmer so I don’t intend on touching my next pay lmao. Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail? Yes. I always want it to be long enough to be tied in a ponytail.
Is love worth fighting for? Yeah, I still believe so. The last time I did, it was just for the wrong person.
Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now? I want to be with Angela, Reena, and Hans so we can watch the entire Memories of 2020 together :( I’ve been watching it by myself so far (I was the only one in our group who bought a copy lol) and it’s just not as big of a blast.
Will this Friday be a good one? I’m not sure yet but I know for a fact I’ll still be relieved since it will be a Friday...
Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Yeah but the image gets blurrier as the days go by.
What is your current mood? Dizzy from my coffee overconsumption; annoyed because I have OT work to do today; calm thanks to the cold and cloudy weather.
Did the last person you kissed name start with a J, C, B, I, R, S, Q, L or A? No.
Who last poked you on Facebook? Is that still a feature? I genuinely have no clue but I also don’t know if anyone ever did poke me. I was extremely introverted back then and wouldn’t have been a target for poking.
Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone else? Be rejected.
What did you fall asleep thinking about last night? I went to bed with the biggest headache in the history of headaches and with a nagging desire to try throwing up from the three cups of coffee I took, so I was actually feeling extremely worried as I was trying to turn in hahaha. I had the worst scenarios in my head.
Who is someone who puts up with you no matter what? Angela. I actually just thanked her for it yesterday, since I was feeling emotional with the one-year mark of my breakup coming up.
Last person to call you? A delivery rider asking for directions to my house, as always.
Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me?” Yes.
Do you like to take walks? The need comes up rarely.
Were you happy when you woke up today? Not really. I was just nauseous.
When was the last time you cried? Last night. I was in the middle of a weekend work meeting over Zoom and...idk, a bunch of emotions dropped down on me all over a sudden as I was reflecting on the breakup. I could hardly concentrate on the meeting and I’m pretty sure I was on the brink of a panic attack, but thankfully both my cam and mic were turned off. I just let myself cry. I was feeling every emotion at once, I think is what happened.
Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? Yes.
What are you planning on doing after this? I wanna look for another survey to take.
Will tomorrow be better than today? No, because tomorrow will be Monday, and I’m never excited about that.
Is there a girl you would do anything for? Sure.
Is there a boy you would do anything for? Sure.
Who IM'ed you on Facebook last? Reena.
What were you doing at 4 a.m.? I was wrapping up my Rhythm Hive session and also feeling the increasing discomfort of my migraine.
Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly? It was way beyond like.
Are you a jealous person? Hmm, sometimes. I feel envy more often than jealousy, though.
Are you someone who hates to read? Hahaha yeah, unfortunately I’ve turned into such a person. I wonder where my love of reading went. :(
When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? February when I went to a bar with friends and we wrapped up way later than I thought we would.
What was the last thing you ate? That would be breakfast; and earlier my mom prepared fried rice with omelette, eggplant salad with salted egg, luncheon meat, and dried fish.
Who was the last person to text you? Kata.
How is your hair? Funny you brought this up...I was playing with my hair while we were streaming mass awhile ago, and I plucked my first-ever white strand of hair :( Needless to say I’m freaking out and feeling existential about it lmao.
Could things possibly get any better? I definitely read that with Chandler Bing’s voice in my head lol. < Hahaha now I did, too! Anyway, yeah, maybe a little.
How important are looks to you? It’s up there.
Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No, it sits exactly on my shoulders.
Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? I’m not looking for flings.
Were your last two kisses with the same person? Yeah, but those last two kisses were well over a year ago.
Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? Nope.
Do you have trust issues? Now I do.
Do you have alcohol in your house? Yeah I still have several bottles of soju and beer left in the fridge. My parents also have a couple of bottles of white wine but I would never touch that lol. I believe we also still have that bottle of JD somewhere in the pantry.
You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed. Any problems? None on my end, only because I stopped caring forever ago.
Have you ever kissed someone who smokes? Yep.
If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Sure, that might even end up being fun. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? I lasted nearly 15 times longer than that, if my mental math is correct.
Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No.
Think back to October, were you with someone? Not anymore, but October 2020 had been a major grieving month.
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aliensforleaders · 5 years
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Tell Me Again Tomorrow: Part 2
Pairing: Rami Malek x Female Reader
Summary: The reader lives in LA and her friend Alisha begs her to go to a party for the weekend at the beach. She really doesn’t want to go, but Alisha convinces her and she meets a captivating man.
Warnings: some swearing and so much fluff ugh he’s so sweet.
A/N: Okay so I’m gaining confidence with this series. Also I have never actually been to the place that is mentioned at the end (no spoilers) but I went on the website and did my best. If you want to read part one I’m tagging this as (tell me again tomorrow fic) because I have no idea how to link it lmao..Enjoy!
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I woke up the next morning feeling more energized than usual. It took a second for me to remember Rami, but only a second. A smile spread across my face as I rubbed my eyes. I rolled over in the big fluffy white bed I had all to myself and saw that Alisha’s head was partially hanging off the bed. She must have had the spins last night. She was very drunk when I found her and passed out before her head hit the pillow, literally.
I grabbed my phone on the side table. 7:43 AM and one text message. It was from an unknown number, but I knew who it was.
Rami: hey it’s Rami from yesterday. I know it’s super early but I woke up thinking about you and idk maybe we could get breakfast?
I smiled so big and threw my phone down on my chest, trying to refrain from squealing. I loved that he was up early and already thinking about me. We were too enveloped in each other to drink too much last night, so we escaped the hangover that seemed to wash over the whole hotel.
You: oh yes I remember. I would love to get breakfast with you:) just have to get ready…and check if Alisha is still breathing lol
I jumped out of bed and went to the bathroom to start getting ready. As I brushed my teeth I let my mind wander. I wonder what Rami sounds like in the morning. Or what he looks like when he brushes his teeth. Or what he thought of when he thought of me this morning. But then I stopped myself and pushed those thoughts away. I pushed them away because this is what I did before I started dating my ex. This is what I do.
The second I meet someone that I really like my mind goes crazy and if I let it go far enough I start visualizing what our wedding would be like on the second date. I don’t love many, but I love few too easily and very deeply. It’s dangerous and the reason I alienate myself from everything. I tell myself I’m enjoying the single life, but it’s really just me putting myself in a prison. But now’s not the time for those thoughts, so I put them back in their folder and save it for later when I can’t sleep at 3am and no one is relying on me functioning.
I’m almost finished getting ready when my phone buzzes.
Rami: great! maybe not for Alisha tho. I can pick you up at 9? we can go to that diner across the street if you'd like?
You: sounds perfect! 9 works for me
Rami: okay cool:)
I walked back into the room Alisha and I shared and started to get dressed.
“Uhhhhh fuck my life..” I heard a loud groan from under the pile of blankets on the other bed.
Alisha had woken up and from what it sounds like, gotten hit by a bus.
I grabbed a glass from the dresser and filled it with water from the bathroom sink. She was so lucky I had to carry migraine pills with me all the time. I walked over to her bed and pulled back the covers.
“Well hey there gorgeous!” I said in a chipper, sarcastic voice.
“Shhhhh jeeeesus why are you yelling?” she whisper screamed at me. 
“Oh it’s because I love you. Here take this and drink some water. Give that poor liver a break will ya.”
She sat up, brushing the hair from her face and downing the pills.
“Whoa why are you so done up this early?” she raised her eyebrows.
“I uh met a guy last night sort of..” I trailed off grabbing a shirt from my bag and pulling it over my head.
“Oooo and you slept here last night? Are you crazy? Hasn’t it been like a year since you got some dick?”
“Always so eloquent.” I mumbled while pulling up my jeans.
“He must be something a little extra then huh?” 
“Yeah I mean, we just talked for a long time and he listened. You know really listened. You know how I am with that.”
“Well I’m glad you had a good time yesterday. I was worried you were going to sulk by the bar all night.” she smiled lazily and then fell back into the pillows, closing her eyes. I rolled my eyes at her comment. 
“Oh and would you please do yourself a favor and hop on that? You are wound way too tight for a weekend beach party.” 
I hurled a pillow at her, “I’ll show you wound too tight.”
“No! Show him!” we both laugh hard. I really loved moments like this with her.
I had just finished putting my shoes on when my phone buzzed again. That must be Rami. I walked over to the now sleeping Alisha and kissed her forehead, leaving two more pills on the side table for when she woke up next. I left, shutting the door quietly.
———
Rami pulled up minutes after I came out of the hotel doors. He got out and walked around the car to open the door for me. He looked different than last night. He wore jeans and a fitted t-shirt with a bomber jacket. He looked comfortable and casual and it was so cute.
“Good morning, dear!” he said sweetly. I can’t remember the last time someone called me dear, but I am not complaining.
“Morning!” I smiled at him and climbed into the passenger seat.
He drove us to the diner, and when we walked in the smell of pancakes and bacon filled my nose and made my stomach growl with hunger. The server seated us at a booth in the corner next to a window. She gave us menus and left.
“So did Alisha survive the night?” he asked jokingly.
I looked up from the menu and laughed, “Oh yeah just barely. She woke up just long enough to give me shit and then go back to sleep.”
“Give you shit about?” he inquired, doing that thing with his mouth that I found incredibly endearing.
“Just about yesterday. You know…and you.” I cleared my throat and looked back at my menu, knowing damn well where this conversation was going.
Rami put down his menu and folded his arms on the table, leaning forward a little. I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel the grin on his face.
“Oh? Why would she do that?”
There was no way to get out of this subject, so better just get it out of the way.
“Well I mean, I don’t exactly meet people all the time.” I put down my menu and sat back against the booth. 
“Oh come on. I don’t know if I believe that.” he said, biting his lip.
“It’s true. I put blinders on and I go to work and come home and that’s that.”
“Well I get that. I get stuck in that all the time with what I do. But you mean no one ever tries to ask you out ever?”
“Nope. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with how I carry myself, but it really doesn’t bother me. I’d rather not go through the motions with people.” I shrugged.
The waitress came over to pour us some coffee and take our orders. I proceeded to pour nearly all the creamer in my coffee. 
“So you’ve been hurt.” Rami stated, clearly not forgetting the conversation.
I sighed. “Hasn’t everyone?”
He sensed my feelings toward the subject. “Hey I’m sorry if this is too heavy for Saturday morning breakfast with a strange guy you just met.” That lovely smile returned and warmed me up again.
“No it’s okay. I just don’t ever get to talk about this. Alisha is usually there for everything and witnesses it so I don’t have to tell her, and well she’s sort of all I got.” 
“Well you can talk with me about anything you want. You fascinate me.” he sipped his coffee, gazing off in the distance.
“How could I be fascinating?” I ask watching his every move.
“How could you not? I don’t know it’s so many things. The way you talk about things. The way that you basically put me in my place when I approached you yesterday.” I laughed. I did didn’t I? “When you are listening to me talk you chew the inside of your cheek. I don’t know it’s just you. I want to know everything about you.”
I blushed and grabbed for my coffee. No one finds me fascinating. Well I guess that’s not true now though is it?
We ate our food and talked. I told him the story about me and Alisha riding our bikes around on the weekend when we were kids. How she fell and broke her arm so I put her on my bike and took her home as she sat on the handle bars and cried. I got to sign the cast first.
He told me about the time when him and his brother Sami put on a concert in the living room for their parents when they were 6 years old. He told me that he insisted on being the lead singer and how Sami always let him have the spotlight.
You both finished up and Rami took the bill. “Hey do you um, and you can totally say no, but do you want to spend the day with me?” he asked shyly.
I smiled and grabbed his hand as we left the diner. “I would love to, Rami.”
———
We got into Rami’s car and got on the highway. I wasn’t quite sure what the plan was, and usually that would make me uneasy, but the mixture of the warm sun on my skin, the wind blowing through my hair, Duran Duran coming through the stereo, and this gorgeous man that I’d somehow stumbled upon sitting next to me made uneasiness seem impossible.
“Are you wondering where we are going yet?” he asked somewhat mischievously, glancing over at me. He had this way of always looking like he was up to something. It was captivating.
“I don’t mind where we go or what we do.” I beamed.
A few minutes later we pulled up to the Grammy Museum. My mouth dropped open. I look at him, suddenly filled with uncontrollable excitement.
“Are you serious?! Do you know how long I’ve wanted to come here?” I began looking out all the windows. All I could feel was the uncontrollable urge to jump out of the car and run inside, but I kept my composure because I didn’t want to scare him off with my hyper fixations.
I hadn’t quite expressed to Rami my love for music, but I guess he was going to learn today. Ever since I moved to this city I have wanted to come here, but there was always work or anxiety or sleep deprivation. But here I am. 
“I didn’t realize this was such a big thing for you, but now I’m glad I chose this one. Well come on let’s go see it all.” he said quickly. We got out of the car and I grabbed his hand pulling him along inside.
Rami’s POV
I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so excited to be somewhere than her right now. She grabbed my hand as soon as we got out of the car. My heart skipped as I watched her scan the whole place head to toe as we walked in the entrance.
We walked through and came to the Songwriters Hall of Fame first. She would gasp and squeal at the things that caught her eye. If she knew about a particular thing she would go off on a tangent telling me every detail of what she knew. The spark I saw in her when she talked about it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I can’t imagine ever tiring of it.
At the Music Epicenters exhibit she showed me how music jumped from Muddy Waters and Chuck Berry to Elvis and The Rolling Stones. She explained how each section influenced the next and it was fascinating. 
We skipped through the museum like children in Disneyland and I honestly couldn’t remember the last time anyone made me feel like this. She made me let everything go and just hold on to this moment we were sharing. She was incredible. Where has she been all these years?
Your POV
We finished looking through every bit of the museum and it was an amazing experience. At times I worried I was talking too much, but when I’d quiet down Rami would ask me a question. He was the only person who made me feel this comfortable talking about what I loved. He never rolled his eyes, never sighed in boredom. He would smile as I’d explain things and watch me intently with those beautiful eyes that I couldn’t escape.
We decided to go for a walk around a few blocks.
“You really enjoyed that then?” he asked, reaching for my hand which began to feel normal.
“I did. Very much, Rami, thank you for that. And for listening to me ramble.” I giggled.
“Well no need to thank me I loved every second of it.” he grinned and nudged my side.
I took a deep breath and let it out closing my eyes for a moment as we walked.
“You know I almost didn’t come here this weekend.”
“Oh yeah? Why did you decide on it.” he questioned.
“I couldn’t tell you. I just felt like I wanted something to change in my life and doing something I wouldn’t normally do might be a good first step.”
We stopped and sat on the bench along the path we had been walking.
“I want to see you again. I mean after this weekend. I don’t want to continue with real life unless I know you’ll be with me. I mean that is if you want to be with me, of course. I would never force you.” he took both my hands in his and looked into my eyes, hopefully.
I began to tear up a little and I saw his smile turn into worry. I wiped the tear away quickly, trying to hide it but knowing it was too late.
“(Y/N), I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to-“ I cut him off before he could blame himself for anything.
“No, no please don’t apologize. You’ve given me the best day I’ve had in a very long time. I promise I’m not crying because of you it’s just-“
He brought his hand to my cheek and wiped a tear away with his thumb.
“God that’s unfair..” he trailed off, a soft smile forming.
“W-what’s unfair?” I asked confused.
“How gorgeous you are when you cry.” he said sadly.
I giggled, which then turned into a laugh, which turned into me grabbing my sides laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe for a moment.
I looked up at him now looking slightly confused but in an amusing way.
“Oh come here.” I said softly, grabbing either side of his face and pulling our mouths together. It was a sweet, warm, but passionate kiss. His lips felt amazing against mine, and I’d almost forgot the feeling. I broke the kiss and leaned back slightly. His eyes stayed closed for a moment as if to savor it and then they opened as beautiful and gleaming as ever.
“A lot has happened in my past. We can talk about it another day, I promise. Just be patient with me.” I reassured him.
He nodded indicating that he understood. He brought his hand up to brush some hair out of my eyes studying my face lovingly.
“Oh and just because you told me to say this today, you are absolutely stunning.” he laughed and pulled me into his side.
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garethito · 5 years
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You know... I've been meaning to ask you about this for a while, and yesterday's tag thing that you did with those Bale gifs only like... fueled? My curiosity? Lol, if that makes sense. Could you like... relive? The Champions League final from this year for us? Like, your perspective on it? Or maybe even the actual whole day of the final? Sorry, God, I know this is weird, but I just love how you tell stories from your life! I have seen you do it with some other anons once!
First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this like, you guys always send me such interesting questions and Im so??? and OMG no this is not weird stop this is such a wonderful question to ask!! And omg you liked how I told the stories to those anons that is so sweet thank you so muchhhhh ❤️❤️💝❤️💘💘💞💞💘
But also this is making me really emotional I dont think I will be able to write this without tearing up but here we go!!! I was at school today and we had a special day so we didnt make any classes, so I had time to formulate an answer to this, and to complete it at home 💞
Quick WARNING?? Yes I am perfectly aware of how crazy and overdramatic this whole story sounds, but the thing is that this is how I truly feel about this day in my life. So yeah lol. Football is basically my life!
I would like to start this by saying that the day of the 26th of May 2018 is the most important day of my entire life as a football fan. There is nothing that could even come close to this. Absolutely nothing. Never in my life have I cried like in that night. Never. Absolutely never. I have looked at my life as a person, at my hardest times, when I cried a lot, but not even that can even slightly compare to the amount of crying that I have done on that glorious day of May 7 months ago. When I say crying, though, I dont actually mean crying, no. I mean violently sobbing, screaming at the top of my lungs, shaking and feeling numb. But in the best way possible, the happiest tears that I ever shedded.
My actual perspective, like you said, though, starts from the 2nd of May, a day after our semi-final second leg against Bayern. From that day, until the 26th, my mind, my body, my soul only thought about the final. I could not even focus on the Clasico on the 6th, neither on the last La Liga match. I was so fucking nervous, words are not sufficient to describe….. At least once every 2-3 days I would go to the bathroom with severe stomach aches and sit there until I would try to calm myself down so that my grandmother wouldnt get worried. I thank God, the Universe, or whoever you think invented life for the fact that highschool had nothing special during that period, just a few tests, that I got the best grades on, because had there been something big, I would have surely failed. That was a nightmare. Just think about it. Horrible La Liga season, then those fucking shaky as fuck second leg matches against Juve AND Bayern. I was literally so pessimistic that I am scaring myself right now thinking about it. All these bad scenarios played through my head ”What if Zizou loses his job? What if this will be the start of our downfall? What if this is the last Champions League final we will play? What if, what if, what if….”. I always tried to tell my brain how stupid I was, that we are Real Madrid and that we will win, like we always do, that we are the best fucking team in the Universe and that nobody even comes close to being like us. But its like these voices in my head wouldnt stop, it was so scary.
Come 25th of May I was an actual lifeless corpse. No matter how much I tried to call my best friend, who was in Bulgaria at that time, and telling her that I cant take this anymore, and her telling me that its going to be okay like it always is, that she doesnt really know my team well but she knows we will win, no matter how much of that was happening, I couldnt fucking stop being nervous and constantly thinking about this match.
On the morning of the 26th I woke up with a severe headache at about 8:30-9 AM. The only things that I remember from that whole day are the constant empty feeling, the amount of times I listened to Hala Madrid Y Nada Mas and the amount of pictures, videos, promotional/support videos I saw and watched. I called my friend one last time and I told her that now I am optimistic, that we will win.
My whole emotional state was ruined, however, by Gareth not starting. I dont need to explain the whole February-May Gaz-Zizou situation because I think everyone knows it too well by now and what I fucking felt about it. I have never been so enraged in my entire life. After all he has done, still no place in the starting XI. Though, this is pretty much the only thing that has ever angered me about Zizou. I love that man too much, I dont think there will ever be a coach that will ever come close to him, a coach that I will ever love as much as I loved him, but this whole situation really, really angered me. As I said, not going to get into details, I think that is enough. Though, I tried to only focus on my hardly achieved positivity about the match. 
The match started and my emotional state reached its lowest point. I couldnt take it anymore, I felt impossibly sick from being so nervous, I got the most severe migraine ever, my eyes were literally about to pop out ugh again, remembering that gives me chills. Dani got injured, and I got angry again, because he didnt deserve it, the World Cup was literally about to start like God give this man a break!!!
Halftime at 0-0, my optimism grew, believe it or not. I felt like we will have more urgency in the second half and that we will win this.
The second half came, with me just desperately hoping for a goal. Because we were playing so well, we deserved a reward!! And it did come, with Benzemas goal, God I felt so relieved and happy. I have seen people saying that his goal was not good but? You literally take everything that is being offered to you in a Champions League final! He scored, he gave us a goal, we were 1-0 up, and I was literally screaming from joy, I was shaking so much and I was the proudest person alive. God, I love my team. Then, Liverpools equalizer came. I didnt think anything of it. I wouldnt get rid of my optimism. I was looking at my boys and I knew we would win.
And Oh My God, here we fucking go. 
Minute 61. Gareth comes on. I was so grateful that he at least got to play 30 minutes, I literally only wanted to see him. At that time, considering everything that was happening, I was already emotionally starting to prepare for his departure to another team. I was watching him in those moments, flashbacks through my mind of all the glorious times I got to see him, all of his goals, everything.
And then…
All of a sudden…
62:58
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That moment. The moment in which my soul has definitely left my body. The most beautiful moment I have ever lived in watching football. The moment in which I was the proudest person alive. A moment I will never, ever, ever forget, for as long as I get to live. The moment I have literally seen history being made, right before my eyes. The moment in which I literally evaporated, left the Earth, idk how to explain this but I hope you understand me. My idol, that had suffered so much that season, scored a fucking bicycle kick in a FUCKING UCL FINAL. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. The happiest, most full of joy, best, most emotional moment. Ever. No exaggeration.
My perspective on this? Oh well, brace yourselves. If you think everything that I have written so far seems insane, get ready for this.
I was on my bed, watching the game, shaking. I saw the passes, beautiful passes, that ended up with Marcelo controling the ball (incredibly, as he always does, my Brazilian sunshine). I saw him swaying to the side, and then passing a high, aerial ball in the box. Gareth came up to meet it, with… a scissor kick. That he scored. I literally fucking exploded like there is no other word. I jumped off my fucking bed and I ran literally across the house and came back, making the most inhuman noises ever I swear. I came back to my bedroom and I collapsed on the floor and I literally started fucking bawling my eyes out, and even that seems like an understatement. Screaming at the top of my lungs, bawling my eyes out, literally all of it happening on the floor. My grandmother literally came in and she thought something happened to me, but then I just pointed to the screen and she understood lmao. And from that point onward I cannot say anything anymore, because I dont remember anything else but me on the floor, literally. After like 15 minutes I hardly even managed to get back on the bed, and guess what?
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AGAIN. 
A
G
A
I
N
???? I dont know what to say anymore. Like he literally toyed with everyone that night, he didnt care about anything. Again, with a pass from Marcelo, he literally goes from FAR FAR FAR away and he shoots and… scores?? How much do you think my poor fragile self can handle? Like, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY TO THAT?? Except for bawling your eyes out even more, if thats even possible? Its been 7 months and I still dont have words for what happened that night, like 2 goals ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND I WAS LITERALLY DEAD LIKE ??? I LOST EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MY SANITY THAT NIGHT. 2 goals, 2 goals in 20 minutes, he was about to get a fucking hattrick. A fucking HATTRICK IN HALF AN HOUR, but Karius unfortunately stopped that shot.
The match ended and… I dont remember anything other than barely seeing the screen, I literally had a blurred vision.
We fucking won it. We DID IT. THE DECIMOTERCERA WAS OURS.
In the moment in which Sergio lifted it I… I dont have words, did I go into another Universe, did I ascend, did my soul leave my body I dont even know but what I do know is that I spent the rest of the night, up until like 6AM, crying my heart out. And this is what I mean by ”I have never cried so much in my entire life”. Like I have never spent a whole night crying.
I went to bed at like 6:30, woke up at like.. 10?? I think you can imagine how I woke up, I literally felt like I was going to die but I spent the rest of the day catching up on everything that happened the entire night.
And then, of course, the celebrations, Cibeles, Bernabeu… of course your sensitive girl bawled her eyes out again lol!
Every day ever since it happened, I have always been thinking about this day. About all of it. No point in counting how many times I rewatched the goals lol! But I think you can imagine haha 💘
So yeah, this is pretty much it DSLKFDKJFKDFJKDFK. The story about my best ever day of watching football I made it unecessarily long (Im so sorry). I think the only conclusion that I can get from this is Hala Madrid Y Gareth Y Nada Mas lol! 💘💘
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