#i was talking about how i wasnt really friends with this girl it was just small talk all the time and our friendship was so shallow we never

[hella1975]

just full force threw a shoe at my sister's face and when my mum got me alone after she was like 'you shouldn't clobber her. but i get it' 😭

#it kicked off today but in my defence she's actually proper in the wrong this time even my DAD called her a bitch and my mum is FUMING #baso my sister came into my work with her mate when i was closing the other day and all the staff GLARED at them bc of aforementioned #close so i was being v chill so everyone 1) knew it was my sister and not some customer coming in late and 2) her friend wouldnt be uncomfy #like that's the real kicker her i was being extra laid back FOR her friend so he'd feel more at ease. and one thing about me is yes ive #said countless times i have a rural accent but my mum also raised me to know when and how to speak nice if need be bc people are cunts here #so when im waitressing i speak nicely bc it's a stuck up restaurant w stuck up customers but when im with my sister? making a point of #being laid back? my normal accent came through. and her mate when i was gone said i sounded 'really [from the county we live in]' #which WOULD NOT BE A COMPLIMENT. it's baso saying 'your sister sounds local and chavy' without using such explosive words #and my sister LET HIM SAY IT. SHE DIDNT DEFEND ME. and she told my mum about it later bc SHE THOUGHT SHE'D TELL ME OFF #LIKE SHE DID IT TO SNITCH. THERE WAS NO SCENARIO WHERE MY SISTER WASNT BEING A CUNT. and my mum hit the ROOF #one thing she's rlly been big on is loyalty bc it's always been the 3 of us so when she found out my sister let him say that she FLIPPED #and this all happened last night and i only found out this morning bc i overheard them screaming at each other and turns out my mum #tried to keep it from me bc she didnt want my feelings hurt and IM pissed bc it actually did hurt more than i thought it would #like i KNOW what people say about my accent but it's a guy i know? my sister's been friends w him for years? i was being nice? #it's EMBARRASSING like i was clueless & friendly and turned around for him to be like 'look at this stupid local girl' like?? #and my sister did NOTHING? it just sucks so i STORMED upstairs when i found out and had it out with my sister #and she knew she was fucked so she did all 'im not talking to you i have nothing to say' AND PUT HER EARPHONES IN? #the way i RIPPED them out. got in her face like okay girl u think i sound like a chav ill act like a chav lets GO #and it just got really aggressive and i wound up grabbing HER OWN SANDAL and full force hurling it at her face 😭 oops #from close range too like i was already in her face so i basically just smacked her with a sandal DSHGJKSH #now we're sat in silence bc alas we still share a room. WHAT the fuck. insane tbh but it's a bit funny. im so angry rn i could KILL #hella goes home

[theygender]

My gf and I have talked about hypothetically opening up our relationship at some point in the future which would make me very happy as a polyamorous person, but I just realized that if that actually happens and I have to go back out on the dating scene I'm gonna have some trouble bc now that I'm more outwardly butch people are gonna expect me to make the first move and I have never made a first move in my entire life

In all of my relationships but two the first move was made by the other person, and I wasn't even the person who made the first move in the other two. In the first one the girl chickened out on her plans to ask me out and then our mutual friend who didn't realize that that had happened outed her by asking me what I said afterwards, and in the second one me and the other person both went to the same friend on the same day to talk about our crushes on each other and then she made us talk about our feelings

I met my current girlfriend on a dating app, and the first time she tried to ask me on a date she wanted to take me to the theater so she asked me if I had seen the new beauty & the beast movie and then instead of realizing that she was asking me on a date I said that I'd already seen it and gave her a negative review of the movie. And then when she asked me on a date again a few weeks later I had to ask to make sure it was a date when I got there 😭

...And that reminds me of another event in high school where a girl I liked took me to the mall and we walked around holding hands the entire time and then afterwards I had to get one of our mutual friends to ask her if it was supposed to be a date bc I was too nervous and also stupid 😭 Another girl that year asked me to skip class with her and told me that if I flashed my pretty smile at the teacher I could probably get away with it and I had to show the text to my friend to ask if she was flirting. I'm gonna die out there on my own 😭

#rambling #the friend i showed the message to was the same one i made ask the other girl if it was a date #and he didnt even answer he just raised his eyebrow and stared at me like 'really?' #god im just. remembering how stupid i was in high school now #there were two other crushes that i had who may have potentially liked me back and i may have even been told that by multiple people #but i was so deep in my self hatred and also stupid that i didnt think it was possible for them or anyone else to like me 😭 #they both were friends of mine and they eventually stopped talking to me completely and i couldnt figure out why #and now i hope its not bc they they thought i was leading them on. bc i wasnt. i was just a massive idiot #you have to explicitly tell me that youre interested in me or want to go on a date or whatever or im not gonna get it #and tbh. that didnt even always work #my first major crush in high school was on a girl who told me directly multiple times that she was into me #but i was even DEEPER in my self hatred at that time #(and also only just figuring out how social interaction worked bc she was helping my autistic ass learn) #so i just. assumed it was a joke. bc no one could have possibly been interested in me and definitely not such an amazing person #i guess at least i have a scrap of self confidence now and im brave enough to ask for clarification now #and if i specifically ask someone on a date at least i would know for sure its a date? #and it could either be lame or cute but i could ask for permission to kiss them. it worked for my gf #i cant interpret signals for shit 😭 #i dont even have a valid reason to be thinking about this right now lol its not like i have permission to date anyone else romantically yet #but ive been watching clone high with my gf and abe keeps misinterpreting joan directly saying that she wants him in increasingly dumb ways #and i just keep cringing bc i realized that that was me ahdjsksl.... #only difference is in my case it was never bc i was ignoring them for someone else. it was ALWAYS bc i was an idiot #literally i would be there pining for them and every attempt they made would go right over my head #you have to be morosexual and very persistent to date me 😭 or tell a mutual friend whos very persistent ig lol #i know we are All useless lesbians but i think i deserve a medal or smth #ill hang it on my corkboard next to the souvenir that one of my crushes who i didnt think liked me back got for me in high school #which was a plastic license plate that said 'babygirl' on it bc that was her nickname for me 😅 #god i really hope people didnt think i was leading them on. imagine someone thinking im a player flirting with a bunch of different girls #without ever making things official. when really if i found out for certain any of them were interested in me i would have died of shock 😭 #and if we WERE in fact flirting i wouldnt have realized it. i was just SO scared and SO stupid 😭😭😭

[citromboy]

.

#i was talking to a friend about relationships #and i mentioned that i wasnt really something i wanted #logically yes it is nice #but im good thank you #and i told her that im not opposed to a life without relationship #not a life alone #just without relationship #and she acted as if that meant i would have nobody at all #and i might be on the ace/aro spectrum #idc never have never will btw #i just go by queer for this exact reason #but i forgot how easy it was to talk to my ace/aro friend about this #i didnt have to explain myself or convince her that this does not condemn me to a sad life #but we dont talk anymore and i made other friends #but they dont get it #and im tired of having to explain it and argue for it as if it was a debate competition #one of them psychoanalyzed me!!! #how she thought i didnt think i deserved a relationship bc im not actually as confident as i pretend #girl that was 7 years ago get with the program #im confident now #also hot too #i am actively trying to avoid a relationship bc the idea of it makes me wanna vomit a bit

[bloggirl8842]

I feel like one of my friends is being weird with me but I’ve got no proof all I know is I asked her for another friend’s number (someone I haven’t spoken to in 4 yrs 😟) and she stopped texting me back and liking my posts. Which could be entirely incidental like it should just be entirely incidental but I am getting a weird vibe

#i had a massive crush on the other friend for awhile. that could be it? but she didnt know abt that so idk. im reaching out to him bc im try #ing to text a bunch of artists i grew up and he was like the main one for a bit so avoiding him would be way weirder than just being normal. #also ofc i got over the crush years ago. i regret it a bit i mean not the feeling i guess bc u cant regret honest things like that but i #regret the way it made me act i couldve just been normal! i didnt learn how to do that til after #i think i just had a lot of shame around existing like i didnt enjoy my personality i didnt socialize well i wasnt pretty i had no real pass #ion for anything so i felt like a burden whenever i liked anyone and got REALLY weird about it. like stop talking to them start memorizing t #heir hallway routes weird 😭 anyways im mostly worried like girl please dont be weird w me i value our friendship and also directness #though i do think it must be incidental. but the little possibility that its not…. #it bothers me bc shes like niku ur so real and its like ok b real w me back. but im guessing shes just busy or distracted or something like #ive got a lot of people lm supposed to write who i just havent

[the-kipsabian]

kinda high key need someone to convince me im not stupid or a burden tbh

#i. dont know how to feel rn #i enjoy spending time with my friends. but this new guy in our group feels like he has something against me #its been like this for a few weeks. he keeps talking to me like im stupid and today i not only got my personal space invaded against my will #but also i was literally told to 'shut the fuck up' about a simple furry joke that i wasnt even the only one making #also apparently im the only one he wants to initiate pvp against in character so like #idk man. i dont wanna talk about this with our dm yet cause it might just be cause hes new to our group and technically the only one #outside of our initial friend circle. and also the dms friend. but also like? i feel so shitty about this for the third week in a row now #theres so many factors to this that idk if im just overly sensitive or if hes actually being mean to me but.. it sure feels like it #is it cause im (assumed to be) the only girl in the group? that im deemed as stupid and dumb? or does he legitimately not like me #am i assumed that im just here cause im the dms sibling and not cause these are my friends and i helped to put this group together? #idk. i just feel like shit. really the only thing missing from this is me getting called a bitch (in which case. if it happens. im walking) #but just.. i dunno. would like to feel less like trash if possible please :') #night is an absolute mess on main

[mrfoox]

I'll probably never know if I actually don't want kids or if I'm just too scared about passing on bad genes and have them suffer and that's sad

#miranda talking shit #Idk i cant ever seperate it bc if i ever think id like to be a parent at some point i immediately think #About how big the chances are of me passing on my deppression/anxiety. Like i have asd and add and i think they cause a lot of problems #I still thinl my major anxiety and depression issues is my biggest concern. And the fact my mother have family history of bpd and #Schizofrenia and the unknown factor of my dads dad family history like mmm... #Bc i kinda wish i wasnt born in this world bc of my mental problems making it so hard. I dont think id ever forgive myself if #I had an child which had the same view as me bc of mental illness. Idk how high the chances are to pass on stuff like this #But like since i have so much to 'choose' from i feel like its at least 20%. And thats just with my gene pool #If the other parent also have mental health problems that would go up... #Yeah in my mid 20s and many of the girls in my age group is or have gotten kids and im like yea #Part of me would like to be a mom. Like id love the shit out of the kid and try to be the best parent i can #But i can never escape the real possibility of bringing a child into the world with same or similar mental issues i have #Im a guilt driven person and like that idea by itself makes me want to jump off a cliff lmao #So im uh... Maybe i want kids but i probably wont go through with it bc im terrified of the possilites #Idk how commkn it is to think aboht this. Any guy friend i have either really want kids or are like 'well yeah getting a wife and some kids #Is the plan i guess' and girl friends its either i dont want kids i hate them or the same 'yeah an husband and some kids is the plan' #If i ever did have a kid ill have to be with the most caring and calm guy lol. Otherwise id be too scared and deppressed about the #The idea of the worst happening. Its 3 am no idk why this is tonights subject but it is apparently

[nanaccused]

I'm officially the side character in a romance drama

#its stressful #but really how can this be so cliché #i never thought stuff like this actually happened #get ready for some long tags #my friend has had a crush on this guy since a class trip about a year ago and has been talking about him and pining after him since then #some like 18+ stuff even happened between them #but they were never officially together or anything #and now her best friend since 7th grade is together with that guy even though she kept saying she wasnt interested in him and is aro/ace #which okay you dont have to come out if you dont feel comfortable and nobody should force you to out yourself ever #but that bitch asked him to be her biyfriend even though she knew exactly how my friend feels about that guy #like she was there when she first developed that crush and has been listening to her pine after that guy for a year #and then she dares to lie to her best friend about not liking him and that he asked her out #my friend found out about their relationship from the guy she has a crush on and he told her that she asked him out #that guy is too stupid to lie about it #so that girl lied even more so she doesnt seem like she lied before or soem other stupid reason #if she had at least talked about it to my friend or waited until she was over him it would've been semi-okay to ask him out #but really #how childish and immature do you have to be to just go behind your best friends back #im sure she had her reasons and everything since she isn't really a bad person or anything #but im still angry at her #and im going to be for a while

[todayisafridaynight]

SO!

Pretty good show honestly. I think it may perhaps come off a little underwhelming compared to last time because they released the full trailers early, so it was chiefly just talking, but I was still pleased.

The only thing I really wanted out of it was one (1) of my predictions coming true and one (1) surprise, and well, between the Watase Family and Nishitani...... THREE!!!!!, that's exactly what I got. Kiryu looking up at the sky like he's struggling to remember who he (allegedly) proposed to is hilarious though same energy as Jo not remembering Ikumi's name ghdshgkdhf the exchange kind of reminded me of Ichi talking to Arakawa as well... the "don't say it in the past tense" one you know the one...

Also next summit in September so that'll be a lovely birthday present :) For Me :)

Also x2 I love seeing which of my asks you decide to reblog. Whether it's because of the actual ask or because of my commentary it always feels like a win (<- normal to want and possible to achieve)

even if Considerably underwhelming, what information's been given IS causin a lotta buzz right now so !!! pretty successful summit in some regards ( ❁´◡`❁;;)

i just wish we got to see LAD8 gameplay, that's probably the only thing i really wanted but i guess there is still the fall summit (and for your birthday's sake i hope it's a real banger one)!

#snap chats #BEEN TRYING TO REPLY TO THIS ONE FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR NOW IM SO SORRY VLEKVKJ #i was still on the call with my friend so i couldnt think straight and i wanted to give this my full attention when responding #anyway. i dont think i have to say anything about the conversation between ichi and kiryu #mostly cause ive already been doin that with the other asks huh ☠️ #DEFINITELY probably The Main Attraction to everyone tonight... so mysterious... def leavin me confused LMAO #but SO true love how ichi freely assumes arakawa was bangin back in the day but with kiryu he's like Oh God Prob Not #and i mean. is he entirely wrong ☠️ #which is what makes kiryu's response all the more funnier 'been around the block' at max you got three girls #one of them arguably being your sister and the other was a mole and the other one yall separated on agreed terms #WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SIR. he caught on proposing cause he wasnt ever with anyone long enough TO propose ☠️☠️ #AH AND i actually like most- if not all- the asks you answer if that's anything :) #my main's shadowbanned so it probably doesnt show up but i always do enjoy reading your commentary or responses to people #i feel awkward rbing asks since For Some Reason in my head that's. Illegal #but sometimes there ARE topics i really wanna leave a comment or ramble bout for one reason or another #absolutely flattered it's considered a win tho cause thats how i feel whenever i see you like or rb any of my posts fjaLKJLKJA #cause yk... in a general sense im very bland or just outright foolish SO it's always cool when you enjoy my posts ♪(´▽｀) #esp when theres so much love and thought in yours- its very cool is what i can say in the Utter Most Simplest of terms #terms i have to use cause my hands starting to hurt from all the typing owie ow ow ow（；´x｀） #ill leave with saying HOPEFULLY for the next summit i can stream it... my mic worked well with my call with my friend SO #it's def ready for. whatever i got in store ok my hand REALLY hurts now i gotta cap it （；´д｀）

[goatmilksoda]

I was gonna write a big vent post but I'll summarize:

I'm sad because I always assumed I was supposed to fill space in conversations to keep people happy so I end up talking at people and it makes them mad and i wish they would either tell me theyd rather have silence or start talking and steer the subject so we could have a conversation instead of just pretending to listen until they get angry and blow up. It makes me feel bad. I don't like what I'm doing either.

#the rest of it is that i had a nightmare last night where i met all my old elementary school classmates and they told me i was insufferable #and a bully and had bullied some girl whos name i didnt recognize out of the school #and that i wasnt special for being in college or anything #so idk man it just kind of stuck and being told to 'shut up and stop rambling' by my dad just threw me off #it just made me feel like i dont know how ill ever be percieved by others and totally socislly inept #kind of like i dont deserve friends or whatever yknow? especially because a couple friendships are based on these kind of ramblings #and it makes me worried #but im hoping its just because im tired #but it doesnt change that i feel bad #goat talk #vent #rant #its just... bad vibes. #its times like this when i really want to get a formal autism assessment #i feel so helpless about it. :(

[pizzapizzadickz]

I often times find myself wondering when interacting with people "am I doing this right?'"

It used to be even more often, I probably was really anxious about it back then. Now... not so much? I still find myself worrying a bit. And especially trying to find the correct "answer" or action to say or do. But. It's not really by any fault of my own. It's just what's expected of me in social situations doesn't always come naturally. So I'm awkward. But idk. While I'll always probably try to find the right answer for things, I'm a bit less worried than I used to be. And I suppose that's something good in a way.

#normal #oh. i dont have to be like this. i can do something different #who the fuck am i really. #diary #personal #i honeslty didnt even think this would turn out to be positive. like. i thought its be a bit more down. #but idk. despite knowing im probably doing a lot of things wrong. im still a bit happier this way. #its been a long while since ive just done things that are more true to myself and now worried about the consequences. so its kinda nice #idk. obviously in places like work i mask much more. but at a coffee shop. or talking with friends. or even alone in my bedroom - #i do it much less. i used to be so self-conscious. i wouldn't even dance alone in my room. its strange to think thats - #just how much pressure society exibits. its impressive really. id try not to do things incase it wasnt #i think in a way the internet really saved me from a lot of that. yeah it probably exasperated some of my problems but it also helps too? #i can find communities and learn about things i love even if i dont participate. #i suppose its nice just knowing #and thats opened up a lot of avenues for me. like. knowing i dont need to be in a relationship. that i can collect stuffed toys. #that i can be obsessed with something stupid. just. a lot of small things like that? it sorta takes off that huge pressure to conform. #idk. i used to be so fixated on conforming and participating. and my mom quite litterally taught me to. #she always used to tell me about how when she had to move around she had to make consessions like that. #or how she didnt like it either just talking with the girls or whatever. so i sorta just thought of it all as normal. #so i just tried more and more and more to press myself into a mold without ever really caring what i liked. or thought #like. i knew what i wanted. but that wasnt right. so i id just. cut off bits n peices of myself. #i remember being oh so frustrated thinking and its so odd to think of now. #because now i just am. and even when im sad im happy. its peaceful really. #really though. being able to label things. and figure out stuff about myself and psychology and everything was amazing #im really glad ive both changed so much - yet really not at all at the same time #i still like the same things i did when i was 6. im still exactly the same at my core tbh. #but im much different from who i was in my teens. to me it really feels like just accepting who i always was. #and like. letting myself be who i was and am. i am me and thats sorta that? #idk. im just philosophizing myself yet again. but i also really enoys doing that XD

[takemetoasummereve]

.

#im ranting #this girl ive been friends with for years is starting to get on my nerves #shes such a sweet person like genuinely shes a good person but man shes getting on my nerves #why did i tell her a mutual of ours was getting me make up and she pts us both in a gc asking why she wasnt included in the giftation #like is it really that deep?? #then shes always talking about how eating something will make her gain weight and she needs to work it out #and im like idt thats a healthy mindset just eat the cookie if you want #its just starting to get on my nerves cause theres nothing i can do or say to make her not miserable and im tireeeeeeeeed ugh #i feel bad but whatever

[yongseungkim]

.

#talked to her a little bit more about her confusing behavior #esp her relationship w this one person and how it confuses me when its a more group setting #and lo and behold this solved nothing lol #she was like we are close i dont know how to make u feel that #and i was like i do feel it when we are one on one but when we are in group settings i dont feel close to you at all #wasnt very clear at all with my feelings though but more or less listed off things that she had done that unintentionally had hurt me #or just made things feel kind of confusing #like if we are close then why xyz thing #i feel like i never see her if xyz person doesnt come to me first cuz she'll follow her around right #i did straight up ask her if they were just friends or smth more and if she had feelings for her #and she was like yeah just friends (which idk for me just cuz i asked doesnt mean she has to respond to me honestly) #(so taking it with a grain of salt) #and i was like yeah man ur relationship w this one person cuz u give her so much attention like i never know how to itneract #sometimes if eel guilty for taking her away from u when i talk to her cuz u kinda just shut down #and dotn talk to anyone and she was jokingly like yeah go sit in a corner and i was liek DUDE LITERALLY YEAH? #and then also times when her attention on xyz person has left me feeling left out #and i think its so funny this girl was like i literally didnt know i interact with xyz person in that way cuz i dont think abt it #cuz if i start thinking then i start overthinking and thats nto fun #which is T RUE BUT LIKE ALSO #idk how can one person be that dense like her and xyz person literally won a dynamic duo award thing #ppl were like 'dont separate those two they cant live without each other' LIKE BRUH ARE U SERIOUSLY TAHT DENSE? #and then also the whole shes not a great texter but how shes literally always on the phone texting someone it feels like so for me its hard #to really accept that sometimes like but then she had said earlier like her friends from undergrad just straight up call her so yeah maybe #i guess but also idk man #also times when she had promised to do smth and then didnt follow through on that hurting bc i take ppl by their word

[solardistress]

me when i did literally nothing i wanted to do even though j had hours upon hours of time to do so but didnt because my body didnt want me to get up from the chair no matter how many times i yelled for me to do so to the point i started ceying because i kept wasting time

#. frowns . #upsetting . im so . idk man idk anymore #im just good at doing assignments but even then im struggling #if im not good at this im not good at anything . im not good at anything . i dont even know what i want to do after this . #what i want to do in life . im too scared to talk to people i want to . #i dont have rhe best looks . i dont even know who i am anymore #im just ‘that smart girl’ who you get answers from because he folds easily #whenever i try to do something non academic i cant help but feel extremely guilty for not studying or something #and its so . idk . stressing . #not only am i worrying for my academics but then my social life #theres nothing there . at all . i daydream about connections with people i know i could never possibly talk to #what we could be if i . yk . wasnt so . me i guess #i think about my friends and how lonely i am even though i have them all the time #how im just a tool for people im not close to because . im that smart person at your table #im not funny . not attractive . im just smart . thats it . thats all i am #god my chest feels . really heavy because i cant talk about what i actually do want to here because certain people are going to see it and #idk . i dont want them to . #so many things go thru mt brain that when i want to relax i cant . i just sit there stunned and paralyzed and hating myself #because for some reason in my brain whatever i do is never enough #. i really have to get this fixed . i cant deal with the tight and heavy feeling in chest all the time #vent

[zaza-expert]

I always have the most intense nap dreams

#just got woken up from one where my friend was showing me music videos and in the beginning of the first song on that album #there was a little animation #and it was this little girl laying in bed and her mom or her guardian or someone was sitting next to her on her phone #there was a little drinking bird thing there too on the nightstand or something #but the focus was on the little girl #and the whole thing had this really muffled dreamlike quality and you could hear talking in the background but not what it was saying #and the little girl asked whoever was sitting with her what the talking meant and the lady responded in a really sweet and gentle way #but just brushed off whatever was being said #and then the album kicked in #and then at the end of the last song on the album there was another clip #of the same scene but this one was live action and the tone was a lot harsher #so it was the same little girl laying in bed but this time you could hear the dreamy talking was like a news report #from the other persons phone #and you coud hear clearly it was about something bad and weird happening but this time when the girl asked about it #the other lady was really harsh about how she shut it down and just was not nice #it was really weird #there was some weird explanation about how they had had the same conversation across many different universes #and that apparently the older one had been trying to contact the younger one through different universes a ton of times #but she wasnt allowed to just say exactly what she was trying to #but before i figured all that out ny brother came in and woke me up #it was really fucking eerie and intense

[malewifebillcage]

texting people for the first time is so funny bc sometimes u will meet people who text exactly the same way they act irl but then sometimes u will meet people who act so dead inside irl but then over text they’re like ☺️😊😁😋🤗🥴😇😉

#been texting w this girl i play tennis with for the past couple days #and she doesnt really talk much at practice and i dont know her super well compared to my other friends there #so i wasnt really sure how she felt about me or if we were friends or just like. acquaintances #until she texted me out of the blue the other day and was like Heyyyyy Mar!!! 😊😉😄 Do you wanna hit today :):):):)!!! ☺️😇🤩 #and i was very pleasantly surprised bc i guess she likes me more than i thought LOL #she’s a lot more effusive over text which is very amusing to me

[ghost-of-someone]

Having a discussion with someone while they try to explain fanfiction & how unhinged their high-school friends were while you have to maintain your composure & not explain a bunch of detailed bullshit they keep vaguely referencing sure is a weird feeling

#like highschool/middle school faun was screaming #this specific friend refers to their high-school friend as tumblr girls #which whenever i point out that im 24 & still use tumblr theyre quick to point out that theres a difference #which im not necessarily gonna argue #its just weird to have this conversation & NOT reveal your hand on just how much you know about a community that to them #is very niche and weird #im talking about fandom community as a whole by the way #i did not belong to the specific community their friends were #(they were telling me about the LArry community btw) #(as in one direction shipping) #(however i am aware of a lot of the stuff due to being a teenage girl & just existing on tumblr at the height of all that) #any way #it was really weird trying to take part in the discussion & kind of let my friend know what certain things mean/what certain discourse #was like back in the day #without coming off a certain kind of way or embarassing myself to high heaven #ive always taken a rather laid back approach to fandom things & i honestly havent discussed internet centric stuff #with anyone who wasnt actually involved since middle school #a insidering looking out kind of discussion #one in which i stood to change my friends whole mental image of me just a bit #anyway this is just a fun ramble & in no way overly serious