#i was moments away from saving when i realized i added a tag in way too early

[celestie0]

gojo satoru x reader | college au [18+]

kickoff ch.9 words you've been wanting to hear

ᰔ pairing. college au - soccer player! gojo x film major! reader (f)

ᰔ summary. gojo satoru is the most popular guy on your college campus. he's tall, funny, hot, not to mention he's the most talented soccer forward the school has seen in years. but he's also a frat dude, which puts him in a world very different from your own, as he spends most of his nights partying & drinking while you spend most of yours working on your annoying film major assignments. but when he reaches out to you for a favor, you realize that helping him out might have something in it for you too.

ᰔ warnings/tags. 18+, fluff, angst, smut, college au, fraternities, sororities, partying, drinking/alcohol, romance, jealousy, pining, slow burn, opposites to lovers, friends to lovers, she falls first he falls harder, gojo being an idiot, marijuana use, sexism, sexual harassment (verbal only)

ᰔ chapter. 9/x (probably 12)

ᰔ words. 15.6k (WHY DO THEY KEEP GETTING LONGER)

a/n. HELLO MY DEAR KICKOFF READERS IVE MISSED YOU ALL SO MUCH i am soooo sorry for the wait on this one. this chapter felt very vulnerable to write for some reason lmfao, but i really hope it was worth the wait :''') see you at the bottom!! if there are typos or some things don't make sense i'm so sorry i literally gave up on proofreading this i just ended up raw-doggin it and then posting it

nav. ch1 :: ch2 :: ch3 :: ch4 :: ch5 :: ch6 :: ch7 :: ch8 :: ch9 :: ch10 (pending)

☾·̩͙꙳ moodboard no.1

♬.*ﾟplaylist

an additional author's note. hellooo ellie here. there are some additional warnings/tags for this chapter, i added them to the tags above, so if you know you have any sort of triggers, please refer to them before reading! but if you don't have any and don't want to be spoiled ab anything then you can keep reading lol. thank youu <33

--

The restaurant address that Kai sent you was just a ten minute taxi ride away, save for the five minutes you spent trying to evasively maneuver through the hotel lobby in order to avoid running into people you’re not too keen on seeing right now, a list that stacks up to just one person at this moment.

It’s a Korean barbecue place, it’s been ages since you’ve been to one, probably since they’re way too expensive for any sort of outing you could afford these days, but the crisp sizzling sounds of the grills and the savory air has your mouth watering in a way that makes you indifferent to the cost. Anything to get this churning feeling out of your stomach. 

It’s instantly brought to your attention that Hana’s tipsy off of Soju because she’s slid out of the booth the second you emerge to the tablestide, and she’s onto her feet to pull you into a hug. You hug her back.

“I’m ssssoooooooo glad you’re—hic—here,” she says, voice sounding loud near your ear, but her embrace is surprisingly calming to you.

Her face appears flushed when you pull away, and you give her a smile and a kind hold of her elbow. “I’m happy to be here, sorry for coming late, I just decided I wanted to have dinner with you all.”

Minato is pulling on Hana’s arm to get her to sit down, which she finally agrees to, and you glance to the left side of the table where Kai sat, meticulously turning over pieces of meat on the grill. His eyes are on you, and the seat next to him is empty.

“You look nice,” he says, eyes falling to your lap under the table once you’ve taken a seat next to him.

Your eyes fall to your lap as well. “Oh. Thanks. I wasn’t really trying to look any sort of way, though.” Just faded jeans with a few rips & holes you made yourself, way back in high school when that sort of thing was trendy.

“I know,” he says, smirk heard perfectly through his words, “I like that.”

You ignore him, a fleeting thought passing through your head of how annoyingly forward men are to women they’ve met within a day, just something you’ve noticed recently, and then you’re accepting the glass of Soju that Minato’s poured for you. Quick to tip it back, you feel a burn on your tongue that’s just enough to distract.

“Today’s game was pretty interesting,” Minato speaks up, picking up a few pieces off the grill with his chop sticks and placing them on Hana’s plate first before taking some for himself. You find the gesture sweet. “The first half was intense.”

Hana nods enthusiastically, elbows rested on the tabletop as she waves her hands around in the air. “Uh huh, uh huh, the boys kicked the ball like whoosh. Goes all over the place! Can’t get a—hic—can’t get a single shot. No, I mean me, I can’t get a camera shot. Not them, they can get the shots of goals. The goals of shots? Huh.”

“Alright, you’ve had enough,” Minato grumbles as he drags the glass of Soju that she was nursing away from her. 

Kai lets out a laugh beside you, his knee bumping against yours under the table. “I’ve watched so many of these soccer games for this job, and I’ve still got no damn clue what the rules are.”

You blink down at your empty plate for a second before grabbing the silver chopsticks laid neatly on your napkin, and taking some food from the center of the table. “Really? I’ve only been to a couple, and I feel like I get the gist of it.” Maybe it’s because you had a personal interest, though.

Kai lets out a low whistle next to you. “Okay, you’re a smartass then.”

You give him a sidewards glance. “Maybe you’re just dumb?” 

Your own words startle you a bit. Minato lets a laugh out, but under his breath, while Hana does absolutely nothing to conceal hers. Kai’s eyes just widen. You bite down on a carrot stick.

“Hey, hey, hey, y/n,” Hana chirps, tapping at your wrist, “do you know any of the soccer players? Utahime said you doooo.”

You swallow slowly to buy yourself time, but give a preliminary shake of your head before answering, “no, not really.” You catch a whiff of the cologne on your wrist when you lift your glass to your lips.

“Oh,” she sulks her shoulders and then sinks down into the booth again, her head falling onto Minato’s shoulder. The man stiffens a bit and then there’s a content smile playing at his lips. A hint of a smile develops on your face too at the sight when you put two and two together. What an adorable little crush. It makes you feel sick.

Kai pours you some more Soju the second you drink down the last of it in your glass, and you nod to him as a thanks. “Pretty sure most of my photos from the first half are fucked,” he says, dragging the opening of the bottle against the rim of your glass before pulling it away, “didn’t realize until way later that my aperture was way off.”

You bring the glass to your lips, inhaling before taking a sip. You’re about to speak up about that when Minato beats you to it.

“Are you serious?” he asks, disappointed, like they’re suddenly talking business now. “I better see some good shots. Your side was where most of the action took place. Like that through-pass, tight behind the defensive line, from Nanami Kento to Gojo Satoru before he sunk it a couple mins before the half ended.”

You choke a little on your Soju at the mention of Gojo’s name, and then all three of them are looking at you. You wave a hand in front of your face. “Sorry.” 

Kai grumbles something under his breath and then stuffs a piece of pork belly into his mouth. “Yeah, whatever, man. I’m pretty sure I got some good ones. Don’t worry.”

Dinner goes on like that, where you count the number of times Kai thinks that someone saying something funny across the table is an excuse to press his thigh against yours, but at least the cute way that Hana and Minato seem to inch closer to one another all night is enough to put you at some sort of bitter ease. But that unsettling feeling in your stomach from a couple of hours ago still lingers.

The four of you stand outside the restaurant, heels rocking back and forth in the cold as you all take up the last chance to debrief the day, and then Minato’s glancing at his watch.

“Alright, it’s probably time to head back. We can all share a ride to the hotel, it’s cheaper that way,” Minato says. Hana’s clinging to his sleeve.

“Oh, uh, I was going to stay here. There’s a cool camera shop around the corner. I was gonna check it out,” Kai says, pointing over his shoulder before glancing at you. “Wanna come? I saw they’ve got used film cameras.”

You twiddle with the hotel key card in your pocket. It’s cheap plastic, could break easily with just the right amount of pressure. Like your resolve right now. “Sure.”

He smiles at you.

“Alright, well I need to get this one back to her room,” Minato says with a sigh, pointing to Hana, “so I’ll see you all at the next game?”

You and Kai nod at him and then watch as he walks away with Hana on his arm towards the curb, pulling his phone out to call for a ride.

“Where’s this camera shop at?” you ask Kai once the silence between the two of you stretches out a little too long. 

“It really is just around the corner,” he says, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He starts walking down the row of miscellaneous shops and establishments under dim street lighting, and you follow after him before the two of you circle to the adjacent end. A tiny shop in the distance catches your eye. The LED sign above the storefront was blinking sporadically, and read 17th St Camera & Rentals, except half the letters were extinct of any light. Next to it was a 24/7 liquor store.

It’s only when you walk right up to it that you realize the sign dangling behind the glass door that says closed.

“Oh. Bummer,” Kai comments in a flat tone. “I swear it was open before I got to the restaurant.”

You sigh, pulling your phone out to glance at the time. “Yeah, at 8pm? It’s past 10 now.”

He looks at you and taps the camera case still hung at his neck. “That’s fine. I’ve still got a camera to show you, anyways.”

You blink your eyes at him, suddenly feeling a bit exhausted and then glance over your shoulder at the curb of the street to see if Minato & Hana were still there waiting for a ride. You don’t see them anymore. 

A distraction. Wasn’t that what you wanted?

“Yeah, show me.”

Kai seems to know the area better than you, since he walks down the haphazardly lain sheets of concrete across the ground with more confidence than a tourist would. The thought occurs to you that maybe the newsletter photographers have eaten here before during their time in Kyoto.

“What made you start working with the newsletter?” you ask, glancing at him as the two of you walk down further, into what seems like a neighborhood.

He shrugs. “First job I could find out of college. I had a lot of freelance experience, so I’m assuming that’s why they hired me.” He nudges your arm with his elbow. “What about you?”

“I’ve known Utahime for a while. She was impressed with my work.”

“Ahh, connections,” he muses, “smart. That’ll get you far as an artist.”

He suddenly stops walking and peers off to the right, into a darkness that you can’t really make anything out of until you’ve spent a few seconds staring too. He walks in that direction, the loud echoing stomps of his boots on concrete no longer audible once he crosses the threshold onto grass, and you follow behind to what seems like a deserted children’s park. You wish there were more trees in the city. There are a lot here in the countryside, and it makes you homesick for something you’re not even sure of.

A gust of wind brushes through, rattling the set of swings hung on rusty chains. The wood chips underneath your feet feel stale, with no snap to them at all as you follow Kai through the playhouses set up in connected fashion. There are two picnic benches, one looks like it’s been freshly painted with faux effort to improve its image in the line of sight of the street, while the other has red paint peeled back to reveal bronze underneath the moonlight, neglected and tucked behind a few trees. The latter is what he chooses.

He slides into the bench, and he shakes his head when he sees you try to take a seat on the other side before patting at the seat beside him. “It’d be easier for you to take a look at my side.”

He has a point, so you sit next to him instead. Although at this point in the night, you were feigning interest. He zips his camera bag open and you take a better look at the lens. There’s no way it was as cheap as he told you it was.

“There’s no way this was as cheap as you told me it was,” you say.

He laughs, pulling the camera out and handing it to you. “Yeah, maybe the guy cut me a deal since I’ve bought from him before.”

You’re smart enough to put the strap around your neck, even though you’re only holding it a few inches above the table, because a camera like this deserves the care and respect. The material is minimalist and sleek, and it’s heavy in your hands. You click the shutter button, screen coming to life with a few mechanic chirps. “Woah. Is it LCD or OLED?”

“LCD.”

“That’s nice,” you say, “paying for the OLED just seems silly to me.”

“I concur, Canon. Color accuracy is king.”

He shuffles to pull something out of his pocket while you continue to inspect the camera in your hands, and you see him fidget with said thing over the table in the corner of your eye. The flick of something and the light of something makes you turn your head to face him, and he’s pinching the end of a joint to his mouth, lighting the other end.

He gives you a glance when you stare for too long, inhaling from it before pulling it from his mouth. “What?” You can see the smoke leave his mouth in the chill of the air.

“Is that why you chose the secluded bench?”

“I did? Didn’t even notice.”

You blink at him, and he places his elbow on the table to lean closer to you. 

“Do you mind it?” he asks.

“No, not really.”

“Wanna smoke with me?” Two fingers pinching the origin of smoke tilt towards you. “This is my good weed, though, so, I charge by the drag.”

“That’s ridiculous, and no thanks. It doesn’t suit me.”

He lets out a laugh, releasing whatever tension he was building in your space, and the smell of weed is nauseating, but at least it's a new sensation to you.

“You’ve gotta be the only film major on the planet that doesn’t smoke weed. How do you manage?” he asks, the orange flicker of his joint being the only color you can distinctly see under the similarly flickering street lights. 

Your finger traces the rim of the camera lens and is careful to not smudge the glass. “I think I manage just fine.”

“Yeah. With delusion,” he says, coughing, scattering smoke into the air this time instead of a clean blow.

You turn a bit in your seat to face him more, placing the camera down. “You’re extremely blunt.”

His eyebrow raises in amusement and you close your eyes with annoyance at the pun. You brush it off.

“I mean, seriously, I get you’re probably just looking out for me, I guess. I appreciate that. But do you really think my dreams of becoming a filmmaker are that far-fetched?” you ask. There’s a crack to your voice at the end that you didn’t like.

He sighs, setting his wrist down on the table. There’s a long pause where he thinks about what to say. Probably the most you’ve seen him consider what words leave his mouth next. “I was in the same shoes as you, y/n. A couple years ago. I, too, had big dreams of making movies. I was going to apply to film grad school as well, although you’re shooting higher than I was at the time. There’s no way I would’ve gotten into UTokyo’s.” He tilts his head to the side a few times while looking straight off ahead. “I sent scripts in everywhere. To every fucking production company, creative agency, you name it. Never got a callback, not even once. While all my fellow grads were landing decent, respectable jobs.” He brings the joint to his mouth again, but he doesn’t inhale, just bitterly bites it. “I could’ve went on like that, but,” his brow furrows, “I’ve seen my peers torture themselves for years for those dreams of theirs. I swore I wouldn’t be one of them. Because they’re all delusional fucks.” He finally glances at you. “Are you one, too?”

Your shoulders drop a little and your lips purse. “I don’t know yet. It’s too early to say.” 

“It’s never too early to say, if the outcome is all the same,” he tells you. 

You consider his words for a moment. It’s the easy way out. You should consider yourself lucky. Everyone wants a reason, a sign, to turn away from the one thing they’re scared to think about. And here he was, giving that to you on a silver platter.

But if what you wanted was really all that fragile, then it means there’s nothing to show for any of it. For all the effort it took you to get here, and all the effort you’re still willing to give. 

“I’ll keep going until I fail,” you say, “or until I succeed.” It’s not really something you say for him, but for yourself.

He juts his bottom lip out and raises his eyebrows, slowly nodding his head, like he’s impressed by you. But his posture remains lax. “I mean, you’re working this job. You’ve got some sort of plan, at least. It’s not like I’m your parent to tell you what to do and what not to do.” He finally takes another drag, eyebrows pinching together at the same time his fingers pinch close to the burn of his joint to pull it away. “What’s that one saying? You can take a horse to the water, but you can’t make it drink.”

“Wow. You don’t sound a day older than sixty-five.”

He smirks at you. “You’ve got a lot of attitude, Canon. Where does it come from?”

You sink a little in your seat, turning away from him to look down at your hands that were still messing with the features of his camera. “My annoying feelings lately.”

“Feelings about what?”

You consider telling the truth. But you don’t. “My car is in repair and I’m not sure I can afford to pay for the bill, since things keep coming up with it.” It was the thing at the top of your mind at the moment though, for some reason, so partially truthful.

He laughs. “Yeah, cars have a way of doing that when you’re finally getting caught up on bills.”

“At what point does spontaneously picking up random, obscure jobs go from omg I’m so excited to have this opportunity to I just need the money?” you ask.

“You mean you’re not already at that point yet?” he says with a scoff. “Soon, then.”

You sigh.

“Y’know I used to work at this lousy cinema a few miles away from Central,” he tells you, hand tapping the table with a rhythm that makes no sense. “Busted my ass working minimum wage on night shifts because I thought I’d catch a big break in conversation with a director, as if Martin Fucking Scorcese would choose to host his opening night at a random Edwards in Tokyo.” His tapping on the table stops. “Tell me that isn’t pathetic as hell.”

“That’s pathetic as hell.”

“The things you’ll do for money,” he says with a sigh. He sounds detached, like it’s really just a message for you.

You lick your lips, skin feeling dry from the wind that occasionally brushes by, and when you glance at Kai again, there’s a grit to his jaw.

“Should’ve been born as one of those damn college athletes,” he grumbles, sucking in fast through the joint that was close to withering away. “Those fuckers don’t pay tuition.”

The harsh colors of the soccer team’s color-coded practice schedule on your phone are visible when you blink, as well as the exhaustion under Gojo’s eyes in the warm lighting of the hotel lobby earlier tonight. “They work hard.”

He looks at you. “I work hard, too.”

Your shoulders tense. “I’m sure.”

“You work hard as well.” Just to include you.

“Yeah.”

“I mean, you can’t tell me that it’s fair.”

Your mind wanders to some of the people you’ve met on that team, who have been nice to you. You think of Gojo, and the memory of him makes you wish you were with him right now. Despite everything.

“I guess it’s not fair,” is all you say, a tactic to diffuse the conversation, one that you’ve had to use twice with him today. The sound of the swing chains clinking together from the wind in the distance runs a chill down your spine.

You feel heavy in your chest, and you glance at the joint pinched in between Kai’s fingers. He’s not keeping an eye on it, so it’s easy to steal, and you bring it to your lips before sucking in. You instantly let out a few coughs. He’s looking at you with surprise. And you’re still in desperate need of that distraction you’ve been craving.

“How long does it take for it to kick in?” you ask, coughing again and pressing a hand to your chest.

“Super long when you can barely stomach a single drag.”

You try again. He watches you. You swear you feel a buzz this time, and you hand the joint back to him. You feel like you’re having an out-of-body experience.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Good,” you tell him, “really good.”

“That’s gotta be placebo, Canon.”

“No, really,” you sigh it. Even if it was, maybe your mind was just blessing you with a single moment of reprieve. “I feel…really good,” you say with your head in a haze. “Best I’ve…” you don’t know why you have to blink back tears, “best I’ve felt this whole week.”

Kai’s silent next to you. You look over at him, and he’s got a scrutinizing expression on his face. His eyes are glazed. “You seeing anyone right now, Canon?”

It’s the savory question you know has been on the tip of his tongue. Ignorantly asked, as if you would’ve been sitting here with him right now in the dead of night if the answer was yes. 

“No.”

He’s leaning towards you, and you’re dazed and also sleepy. His face is close now, there’s an urge to giggle, which means there’s no way this is all just placebo, and when his lips dip towards yours, you’re conscious enough to push him away by a weakly fisted hand pressed to his collarbone.

“Oh. I. Um,” you stutter.

“What?” he asks, eyebrow raised, still close to you.

“No. No thanks.” Because it felt wrong. 

He fully pulls away from you, and runs a hand through his hair, a deep sigh leaving him. “Alright.”

You’re breathing faster now, surroundings feeling vague, like you’re in sweltering heat but the air only bites cold.

You stand up suddenly. “I…I want to go back.”

“Go back where?”

“To the hotel. To my room.” You pause. “I mean, by myself. Not with you. We can share a ride, though.”

He stands up too, hands reaching for you, gripping the straps of his camera still hung around your neck and he pulls it off to place it back into the case. You feel like you’ve lost favor with him somehow. “Okay. Sure.” 

“But not with you.” You felt the need to clarify again.

“I get it, Canon. It’s fine.”

—

“Maybe you just need to fuck him aggressively without mercy.”

“I beg your finest pardon?”

You’re sitting in a booth inside this streetside KFC with Mina sitting across the table, waving a fry around in the air, and with Nobara next to you as she tries to open a packet of ketchup with her teeth. The hangout the three of you have been hyping up all week, just to be sat in the same place you always go to. You were about to take a bite out of your sandwich, but you set it back down on your tray.

Mina points the fry at you and shrugs. “I’m saying. Maybe you’re having such a hard time getting over Gojo because you got so close to fucking him in that bathroom, but you didn’t, and now you’re in, like, this constant state of edging.” She bites down on the fry. “The clit knows what the heart doesn’t.”

“Your theories never fail to amaze me,” you mumble, sinking further into the booth. 

“Perhaps it’ll take the edge off.” Mina sucks through the straw of her Diet coke. Nobara finally succeeds in opening her packet of ketchup.

“I doubt it. Besides, I technically already gave him an invitation to,” you say, fingers rubbing at your eye with a swipe as you wince from the memory, “and he rejected me, so, still swimming in the self hatred from that one.”

Mina hums. “There’s no way he’s not foaming at the mouth for it, y/n. Men never let a meal they were craving go unfinished,” she states, dramatically stabbing a chicken nugget with a fork.

“What kind of pigs do you guys associate yourselves with?” Nobara asks. She’s a lesbian, by the way.

“I raise another question. Why are we talking about this in a public restaurant?” you offer.

“Listen, babes,” Mina continues, like your words fall on deaf ears because she’s got some point to make, “it’ll either poof. Make your feelings go away like the drop of a hat because you find out he’s a bad lay. Or it’ll be so good that you realize you’re never getting over him and you’ll be thinking of his dick instead of your husband’s on your wedding night.”

“We’re. In. A. Public. Restaurant.”

Mina steals a biscuit from your tray. “If it ends up being the first outcome, then the whole thing was my idea. If it’s the second…then just know that Nobara has steered you wrong.”

“Why the hell do you have to drag me into this?” Nobara asks.

You’re about to take a bite from your sandwich again when you’re interrupted by the buzzing of your phone in your purse. You pull it out and glance at the caller ID, then let out a sigh.

“Sorry, I have to take this,” you mumble, slipping out of the booth and towards the restaurant’s exit, pushing the tense door open with a gust of fresh air brushed through you.

“Hello?” It’s the car repair man. “Really? I thought you said it was fixed.” Apparently something else came up. “Okay…how much longer will it be in repair?” Much longer than you had thought. “And how much will it cost?” Much more expensive than you had thought. “I don’t know what to say. I mean, really, I feel as though every time I’m on the line with you all, I have to wait longer to get my car back, and the bill just racks up higher.” They’re trying their best. “I know. Is it necessary to fix in order to drive, though?” State laws require it. “Okay…thanks for the update.” And then you hang up without another word, and with all the frustration in the world.

You head back inside and grumble about your car woes to Mina and Nobara, who try their best to respond with interest.

“Why can’t your insurance cover it?” Mina asks.

“Apparently they can’t claim it’s because of those rocks I drove over,” you sigh, “since it looks like it’s been a problem for longer than that.”

“Can you afford it?” Nobara asks.

“Not really,” you say. “I’ll just have to postpone having my car for a bit.”

You sigh with a glance out the window of this fine dining establishment, into the blue skies just beyond, head drowning out the voices of Mina and Nobara as they continue to grill you about all sorts of questions that you don’t have the energy to answer right now. You had another student loan payment to make once you got home today, and just the thought of it makes your heart drop a little. And you realize you just can’t afford to be picky about your financial situation anymore.

—

“Thanks for helping me out with this,” you say, footsteps over familiar grassy hills as you head towards the UTokyo’s practice field, your digital Canon EOS hanging from your neck. 

“Sure,” Kai says as he keeps pace next to you, “why the sudden mission, though?”

You’re gazing off straight ahead, a nervous pit in your stomach since it’s been a while since you’ve walked across this landscape towards the field. 

“I just feel like I need to diversify my income somehow,” you sigh, the buzzwords leaving a bitter taste in your mouth as you say them but it was the reality of your situation, “to make ends meet. When you mentioned freelance work during our conversation last week, it made me think it’s time for me to pick that up too.”

Kai hums. “Yeah, it’s a good plan. I’ll try to show you what I know.”

Once you’ve made it to the top of that hill, the one that oversees the field, your eyes instantly scan the field for familiar silhouettes, and your breath catches in your throat when you spot Gojo passively kicking a ball back and forth between one of his teammates for warm-ups.

It’s the second time you’ve seen him since that argument the two of you had in the hotel lobby, the first being at the post-game conference in which you did everything in your power to swiftly avoid him, and you plan on keeping that up. There’s also an urge to run away, but you’re starting to realize that’s not much of an option anymore.

“Honestly, you don’t really need to worry too much about shutter speed with freelance like you do for shooting sports,” Kai is mumbling next to you as he messes with the settings on his camera, the two of you making your way down the hill towards the field, and you’re not really listening because your eyes are on Gojo, who’s yelling something across the field to his teammates with a look of concentration on his face.

“Uh huh, I see,” you say. You see Kai glance at you in his periphery.

“You again!” you hear a familiar harsh voice call out, and you turn on your heel to face Coach Yaga who’s standing a few feet away in his custom UTokyo tracksuit with his arms crossed against his chest. “Why are you on my field?”

You hold your breath for a second. “Hi, Coach Yaga, so sorry, but I’m just here to take some more photos.”

He lets out one of his hmphs, unrelenting. “You’re a distraction. Get off my field.”

“D-Distraction?”

“Coach!” Suddenly, Geto’s in your line of sight as he emerges with a light jog up to your side. “You should really be nicer to our photographers, they give us a lot of publicity for our games. And publicity means funding.”

Coach Yaga narrows his eyes. “I need all my players focused right now. Even during practice.” He gives you a disapproving glance and you’re still confused, but also weirdly angered.

“Excuse me, Coach Yaga, but last time I checked, this field is technically open for all students. And I’m a student,” you say to him, crossing your arms across your chest now. “So, I can be here if I want.”

You have no idea if that’s true at all, but sometimes you’ve just gotta fake it ‘til you make it.

Coach Yaga grumbles something and then waves his hands in the air. “Fine! I’ve no bandwidth to argue about this anymore! Just don’t distract my players.”

You’re shocked that it worked, and Geto nudges you with an elbow to correct your expression so that Coach Yaga doesn’t catch on to the bullshit you just spewed. 

“Are you here to take some photos?” Geto asks, facing you. He’s got his hands on his hips, breathing slightly fast, some of his hair falling onto his forehead. 

“Yeah, I am, just for practice though. I’m here with—” you glance at Kai, who’s standing with his fists shoved into his pockets, “Kai. He’s also with the newsletter.”

There’s a moment where Geto studies the two of you for a second before speaking. “I know,” he says, extending his hand out for Kai to shake, which he does, “I think I’ve seen you around. Not sure if we’ve formally met, but it’s nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, likewise.” Kai’s hand is then shoved back into his pocket.

You feel awkward suddenly, and then quickly say something to Geto about how he should probably get back to practice, which he agrees to, and then you’re standing at the chalk sideline with Kai as he shows you the ins and outs about digital photography.

“Have you tried shooting in burst mode?” he asks, switching the feature on your camera and then handing it back to you. You sling the strap around your neck.

“Hm…” you start, pointing your camera across the expanse of the field to multiple areas. The trees off into the distance, the goal posts, Coach Yaga’s yapping Pomeranian. “Not really…” The grass beneath your feet, the sky above your head, and then blurrily focused before settling on Gojo who stood in the distance straight ahead.

You see through your viewfinder that he’s caught sight of you too, a look of surprise on his face seen only by the level of zoom, and you glance up from the screen to make eye contact with him in reality. He’s fully staring at you, and you can barely see the way his expression relaxes from that one of athletic concentration to something wistful and strange that you’ve had a hard time reading lately.

“Canon? Are you even listening?”

“Huh?” you snap out of it and look at Kai. “Sorry. Could you repeat that?” You quickly glance toward Gojo again, and his line of sight points towards Kai now.

“I was asking if you’ve tried panning before,” he says, reaching for your camera, pulling it towards him, but the strap around your neck means you’re pulled closer to him too. 

“Satoru!” Coach Yaga yells in the distance. “Eyes on the ball!” 

“Just got to set your camera to manual mode first,” Kai mutters, confusion in his voice. “Where the fuck is it?” He’s turning your camera in his hands, which only has you stumbling with another small step towards him, your chest pressed flush to his arm, and he looks down at you for a brief second with a smirk on his face.

You hear the sound of a ball being kicked on the field, followed by the shout of one of the players.

“Ah, here, found it,” Kai says, handing your camera back to you, and just as you’re about to say thanks and you hold your camera up, you’re hit straight in the face by a flying object and fall backwards onto the grass with a painful thud.

What the fuck?

Where are you?

Who are you?

Okay, that’s dramatic, it wasn’t that bad.

There’s shouting in the distance as you hold your head with a groan, eyes shut tight with images of your life flashing behind your eyelids, and when you open your eyes again from where you’re sat up on the grass, you’re surrounded by soccer players.

Gojo’s suddenly in your line of sight, knelt down beside you and he’s holding your shoulders, trying to get you to look at him but you’re still blinking away the stars you’re seeing. “Fuck, y/n, are you okay?” he asks, and you register the concern on his face.

“Dude,” one of his teammates kicks the heel of his cleat, “where the fuck were you looking? It was clear as day I was tryna pass to you.”

Gojo grumbles something to him, his brow furrowed, and he’s lowering his head to try to make eye-level contact with you but you’re still holding your head with a wince.

“Oh shit,” Kai comments, “she’s bleeding.”

You pull your hand from your face to glance down at the wetness that you feel, and bright red color stains the tips of your fingers.

The next thing you register is Gojo picking you up off the hard grassy ground into his arms, and starts carrying you away down the field.

“W-What the hell are you doing?” you ask, his pacing across the grass is fast and you have to wrap your arms around his neck to keep from getting dizzy.

“I’m taking you to the hospital,” he says, voice strained in his throat, and you’ve never seen him look so worried before. 

“The hospital?! Please don’t, I don’t have health insurance right now.” His face is so close and you’re distracted from the pain of your headache.

“You’re bleeding on the face, I’m taking you whether you like it or not,” he grumbles.

You dig your nails into his shoulder through the nylon of his shirt, and he hisses from the pain before stopping in his tracks. “I don’t need to go to the hospital, Satoru, I just need a fucking bandaid.”

“You could have a concussion.”

“A concussion?!” You kick your feet for him to let you down but his grip on you only tightens. “You’re being ridiculous. Let me go, or I’ll bite you.”

He scoffs at that and continues walking forward. “You’re gonna bite me? That’s the most threatening thing you could come up with?”

“I’m being so dead serious, Gojo Satoru. No hospital.”

He grumbles something under his breath at your use of his full government name, and then says “fine” but he’s still walking down the grass until his cleats begin to tap on concrete, and then on what sounds like tile as he carries you into a building a few yards from the field.

He seats you on a cold counter, your hand gripping the faucet of a sink, and you finally take a comprehensive look at your surroundings. light blue, faint scent of chlorine in the air

“Is this…a locker room? The men's locker room?”

He sighs, bending his knees a bit to look at your face closely. You flinch when his hand reaches out, and he pauses, but you relax slightly and then he rubs his thumb over your cheek. You feel the smear of a droplet of blood. “Yes. I need running water.” He turns the faucet of the sink on to run his thumb under.

“For what?” you ask. His thumb is running over your cheek again.

“To take care of this cut.” He disappears behind a tile wall for a moment. You can hear metal clanking, probably of a locker opening and closing, and he re-emerges with a first-aid kit.

You slide your butt across the counter to the edge, about to hop off and make a run for it when he grabs your hips and puts you back into place. “Don’t even think about it,” he grumbles. He leans forward, grips you strongly, and you see that he’s still breathing heavily from practice, strands of hair stuck to his forehead with sweat, and you can practically taste the salt on his neck. 

You press your shin to the front of his thigh, desperate to put some space between the two of you. “I don’t wanna be in here. Men are scary.”

“Well I can’t take you into the women’s locker room,” he says, ripping the packet of an antiseptic wipe open with his teeth, “I’d get registered as a sex offender.”

You attempt at an escape again, and he’s quick to get his hands on you to stop it.

“Quit manhandling me, or I’ll scream,” you threaten through gritted teeth, because you’re still mad at him. For everything.

“Go ahead,” he says, using his knee to spread your legs apart, then finds a place to stand between your thighs to get closer to you. “I’ve got a lot of ways I could shut you up.”

You blink at him, breath catching in your throat, and the expression on his face tells you he’s not interested in dealing with your stubbornness anymore.

“Just hold still,” he grumbles, placing the packet down on your thigh and then stepping off to the side to wash his hands under the sink.

“What exactly happened?” you ask, watching him dry his hands off with a few paper towels. One moment, Kai was trying to explain good digital photography to you, and the next you were dizzy from being knocked back onto the ground.

“You got hit by a soccer ball.”

“I know, but how?” You remember your camera hit your face from the impact too, and now you’re worried about it.

“I…wasn’t paying attention when my teammate passed it,” he admits with a sigh, finding his place in front of you again, the knuckles of his clean hand brushing across your cheek, caressing. Your expression softens slightly. He uses a hand spread across the small of your back to push you forward to him, then he gently passes the wipe over your wound.

“Oh okay so, you failed to protect me from a flying soccer ball.” 

He pulls his hand from you to read the lettering on the back of the packet. “I’m patching you up now, aren’t I?” he says, annoyed. “…oh fuck, I was supposed to go in with water first.”

“So glad to be in such good hands right now.” 

He gives you a pointed look, but you ignore it and turn your torso to see your reflection in the mirror for the first time. You had a small wound on your cheek, right over the bone, with some bleeding and it’s wider than it is deep. But when you look at Gojo again, who’s putting some ointment onto a Q-tip now, the look of guilt and worry on his face makes you feel satisfied for some reason, and you wanted to make it worse.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, brow furrowed, applying the cold gel to your cheek.

“Mhm. A lot.” Not really, no.

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” he sighs, head dipping towards you slightly to get a better look, “can you feel this?”

“Ahh, yeah. Ouch. So much.” Barely.

His other hand is placed flat on the counter next to where you’re sitting, and you allow it when his thumb starts to run soothing circles over your hip.

“Hmm…” you start, wide eyes looking up at him as he seems to lean closer and closer to you with every word that leaves your lips, “I really wonder if it’ll leave a scar.”

He looks tortured. His hand that was maneuvering the Q-tip in his hands drops to the counter now, and he brings his other one to your face, cupping your cheek. His eyes dart from the wound, thumb pressing at the plush of your cheek, and this time, it hurts a little so you wince. His expression is tense, some sort of inner turmoil you could read across his forehead, and then his jaw hardens.

“Who was that guy you were talking to earlier?”

You blink a few, then tilt your head slightly. You feel like you’re on a game show, where there’s four options and only one right answer. New boytoy, gay best friend, fuck buddy, or— “He’s my coworker.”

“That’s it?”

“Mhm.”

“Has he tried anything funny with you?” 

You almost roll your eyes. “No, dad, he hasn’t.”

“Woah. Say that again but make it daddy.”

“Hey just a quick question for you. Where do you get the audacity?”

His bent index finger finds a place under your chin, tilting your head up so you’re forced to look at him. “It’s your fault, really. I can’t help it sometimes,” he says, voice lower now. You’re squirming a little, wanting to push him away but his lips get close to your cheek, brushing near your wound, like he wants to make it all better somehow. “I really am sorry,” he whispers, near your ear. There’s a whimper you have to stifle in your throat. He pulls aways just enough to where he can look into your eyes. “A cut…” he starts, thumb now passing over your bottom lip, “on your pretty face.” He sighs. You shouldn’t, but when he prods, you tuck his thumb under your front teeth and your tongue presses slightly against the padded skin of it. He looks like he’s being driven to insanity, and his other hand has no shame at all in pulling you towards him, to seat you at the edge of the counter, and you miss the texture of his thumb on your tongue when he pulls it from your mouth. But it’s so he can dip his head down to kiss you instead.

Of course the sensation of his lips on yours only lasts for a second, because the universe really fucking hates (or loves?) you, so the loud clanking of a metal water bottle against tile interrupts with harsh reverberation throughout the locker room walls, and he pulls away from you when you jump at the sound.

You both turn your heads towards the origin, located at the curved end of the entryway hall, and one of Gojo’s teammates is standing there with his duffle bag slung around his neck and hanging heavily to his thigh, his water bottle clutched in his hand. He blinks at the two of you.

Oh. It’s the one you kissed at that party a few weeks ago.

“What—…Why is there a—” his teammate starts, panicked, turning his head to double check the sign on the locker room wall as if he’s hallucinating, and when his eyes land on you again, they widen with recognition. His gaze shifts, and his chin tips down at the sight of Gojo’s irritated side eye from where he was still all up in your personal space. “…you know what. Nevermind.”

His teammate’s eyes are on you again, and you give him a shy little wave, just a fluttering of your fingers in the air paired with a small smile, legs swinging back and forth under the counter. He lets out an amused scoff from the entryway, lifting his hand to return the gesture, some cheeky grin on his face as he then scratches the back of his head before turning on his heel to leave the locker room, out of sight. You let out a sigh, hand dropping to your lap, and you don’t need to look at Gojo to tell that he’s staring at you with disbelief.

“What the fuck was that—”

“You,” you interrupt him, finger jabbing at the center of his chest, “have seriously got a lot of fucking nerve,” you hop off the counter, “to not only allow a soccer ball to sock me in the face,” he’s taking a step back with every harsh jab of your finger, “but to also hold me hostage in a mens’ locker room,” his back is pressed up against cold tile wall now while he just looks down at you with wide eyes and something akin to fear, “and then, oh my god, the audacity to kiss me?”

“I—”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” you yell, which shuts him up. “You really are just a fucking player.”

He’s stiff, not wanting to catch a punishment from you right now.

“But it doesn’t matter,” you grumble, still drilling your finger into his ribcage with the intent to cause pain. You didn’t need to be this close, but his body is warm, probably due to the blood pumping from practice, and it feels nice to be pressed up against. “Because I don’t have feelings for you anymore, so just fucking get over yourself.” It was a lie if you’ve ever told one, but you wanted to believe it so much that it could come off as the truth.

His eyes narrow down at you, eyebrows flattening. “You don’t have feelings for me anymore?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I don’t believe you.”

You roll your eyes. “Why? Because you want me to keep suffering?”

He grabs your hips, then makes a motion that is evident of his desire to pull you flush to him, but he stops himself. There’s a moment where he just takes a few deep breaths and looks at you with a hardened expression, then a split second where his eyes fall to that little cut on your cheek, and every single feature of his face softens, and then he lets you go.

You take a small step back, breathing heavily of your own, and you feel the ghost sensation of his fingertips wrapped around your hips. It makes you feel dizzy, and your thoughts are a mess. 

He sighs. “Sorry. For the soccer ball, and this locker room. But I’m not really sorry for kissing you, and if that makes me a jerk, then so be it.”

Your heart is beating fast. “You are a jerk, Satoru,” you say. He doesn’t like you, he doesn’t want you. A mantra played over and over in your head that you’ve started to hear it at night. “A real fucking jerk.” And you leave him standing there in a way that feels like the hundredth time.

—

2:34pm kaito (work): yo

2:34pm kaito (work): i had my guy look at your camera

2:35pm kaito (work): it’s pretty fucked up

2:37pm you: :( oh okay isee. does he have an estimate for the fix? the lens is okay though right?

2:39pm kaito (work): yeah lens is fine, you should really count your blessings on that. 

2:40pm kaito (work): but nah, fix would be around the same as the cost of it, so you’re better off getting a new one

2:42pm you: i don’t have thousands of yen laying around unfortunately. my car bill has sucked me dry

2:44pm kaito (work): well let me check with him. maybe he can hook you up with a good deal on a used one

2:45pm kaito (work): i got a 50% off on one of my canon cameras i bought from him a few years back. maybe he’s still got some like that

2:46pm you: yes could you check with him please? thanks so much, really

2:48pm kaito (work): sure. although i think the guy that kicked the ball to your face should be paying for your camera replacement

2:51pm you: they were just practicing. it’s their field

2:56pm kaito (work): alright. btw, you free tonight?

You blink at your phone screen from where you were sprawled across your bed. Before you have a chance to type out a response, your phone lights up with a phone call from kaito (work). You accept the call.

“Oh, hi,” you say.

“Hey, are you free tonight?”

“Oh uhh, I was just about to check my schedule.” You shake your head at your inability to come up with an excuse on the spot.

“Okay,” he says on the other line. You hear the sounds of cars honking in the distance. “Well let me know. I just left my camera guy’s shop, and he was telling me about how one of his friends does visuals for a short-film director, and that the director is looking for an assistant.” Kai grumbles something about someone he walked past being rude. “I think the director’s agency is Verve Films, so.”

You sit up in bed, eyes wide at the mention of the name. “Oh, oh wow. That’s insane.”

“Yup,” he says, “anyways, apparently the director is busy as fuck, so he left the hiring process up to my camera guy’s friend. I told him I knew someone that might be interested. Are you?”

You take a deep breath in and out. “Yeah, I am. Most of my experience on my resume lines up with short-film, so I’d be able to—”

“Alright great,” he interrupts, “so we can hold the interview tonight.”

“We?” you ask.

“Well yeah, me, my camera guy, the hiring guy. Maybe go for drinks or something.”

Your brow furrows. “That hardly sounds like an interview.”

Kai sighs. “Well, it’s not an interview for a desk job or something. It’s more of like—well, like building connections. I know you know all about that, since Utahime got you the newsletter job.”

Well, yes. She put a word in for you, which helped get the interview, but you still went against qualified applicants. “I guess.”

“It’ll be like that. Most opportunities you’ll get if you still want to pursue filmmaking are going to be like that,” he tells you, “if it feels informal, it means you’re doing it right. You might not think so now because you’re still in school, where they practically serve opportunities to students on platters, but it’s going to be different in the real world.”

You lay your head back onto the pillow, feeling like you’re receiving a lecture you didn’t ask for, and your first instinct is to pretend that you know better than he does. But when you think about all the stress recently, all of the not knowing, and the unsure, you question if you should start leaning into the advice of the people around you, and start to accept this career path for what it’s known to be. Unruly, unconventional, and a lot of times, unfair. 

“I see. Well, can I think about it? Tonight is too soon, I’d need time to research the director, put a portfolio together, and also do some interview prep,” you say, pulling your phone from your ear to glance at the time.

“Well, tonight’s the only night that works since their team’s shooting abroad for the weekend and they leave tomorrow morning,” he says.

You purse your lips together.

“But also,” Kai says, “it’s the nice thing to do, y’know, since my camera guy is taking the time to look at your camera for free, you could at least help his friend out. By the way, he just texted me, he does have some used Canons available at discount.”

You close your eyes for a second, just trying to process this conversation right now. Kai was speaking too fast, hardly enough time for you to even think.

“So do you want to do the interview tonight?”

“Yes, sure. Okay. Just— just send me the details. I’ll be there,” you say.

“Alright cool, will do.” 

You say bye, and then he hangs up.

A few hours pass by, where you spend some time putting together a flash drive of a couple of your best short films you’ve worked on in the past with other directors, as well as a portfolio of some recently developed film photography. The last thing to do was grab your emergency stash of print outs of your resume, and then you stuff it all into a folder before glancing at the mirror to take in your reflection. It felt extremely weird to show up to a job interview in something as casual as what you were wearing right now, but Kai insisted to not wear anything business. But at least you opted for jeans that don’t have any DIY holes in them.

Your face is glued to the navigation on your phone screen the second you get out of the taxi, and you walk down the bustling nightlife streets of Tokyo to get to this bar that Kai sent you the address of. But just as you’re about to turn the corner to your destination down the bar strip, you bump into someone’s chest due to lack of paying any proper attention.

“Ah— I’m so sorry,” you say, your grip on your phone tightening when you realize it was about to get knocked out of your hand, and then you look up to see a familiar face.

“Oh!” Geto exclaims from where he’s standing right in front of you, “You’re everywhere, y/n. What are you doing here?”

You open your mouth to speak, hesitate for a second, and then continue. “I’m here to…get drinks with some of my friends.”

He gives you a smile. “That’s nice. I am too.” He points over his shoulder to behind him. “Nanami got into his MBA program earlier this week, so, Satoru, Choso and I are buying him a few rounds. Or possibly a million. The plan is to incapacitate him as punishment for giving up on playing in the national league with us.”

You humor him with a laugh. “That’s sweet. Or not? Well anyway, tell him I said congrats.” Your heart starts to beat a little faster, because from the direction Geto came from, it meant Gojo was likely just around the corner somewhere. “Where are you heading to now?”

“We’re bar hopping, and I think I forgot my phone at the last one we went to over there,” he says, pointing across the street. “So I’m going to go look for it.” 

“Oh alright,” you say. “Good luck with that. I’m going to go find my, uh, my friends.”

Geto tilts his head at you and had a slightly more serious expression on his face, glancing at the folder in your hands. “Thanks. And stay safe.” 

You nod at him and then walk past him to round the corner onto the street that had groups of people loitering in front of restaurants, bars and all sorts of establishments as they wait in the cold to get inside or be seated. You recognize the name on one of the signs hanging as the one Kai sent you in his message, and when you’re a few feet away from it, you spot Kai. He’s wearing his typical street photographer wear, with a red flannel over a gray shirt and pants that are possibly a size too big for him, but that’s likely the style he was going for. He’s standing with two other people.

“Hey,” you greet Kai first, who has a pleasant look on his expression before he greets you back and gestures to the two people he was with.

“Yo, this is Junichi, my camera guy,” he says. “Don’t bother shaking his hand, he’s a germaphobe. Gotta keep ‘em clean for the electronics.”

“Oh,” you say. Junichi is a big man, broad shoulders and thick muscles. His neck is almost as thick as his bicep, and he has no hair on his head. His arms are crossed. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for taking a look at my camera.”

He nods at you in acknowledgment. “Sure thing. Pretty Boy here says you want to buy one of my used Canons. I don’t refurbish them, so you’d better know how.”

Kai sighs, nudging Junichi a little with a fist. “Relax, dude, we can talk about that later. Also, stop calling me that.”

Your eyes flicker to the right, where another man stood, who you assume was Junichi’s friend and this Verve Films director’s visual effects specialist. He’s similar in stature to Kai, with that casual artist look, and he has a scuffle of facial hair littering his jaw in less of an intentional fashion but rather a five-o-clock shadow fashion. You vaguely register the scent of weed, familiar to the one that lingers in the photo lab on campus after class hours. He reaches his hand out to you first.

“Hi, I’m Ren. I work in visual effects for director Akira Ko at Verve.”

Your eyes widen as you shake his hand.  “That’s amazing. I’ve studied a lot of his contemporary works, I’d love to learn more about his process.”

Ren lets a fast exhale out through his nose. “Yeah, you’ll learn a lot under him.” He pauses to shove his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “Most of his assistants always do.”

“We’ve been waiting for too damn long,” Kai interjects before you could ask any questions about the assistant position, and he glances at his watch, “and there’s still a lot of people ahead of us.”

You glance around to the small groups of people gathered in front of this bar on a lively Friday night, eyes jumping from one area to the next, until a familiar silhouette catches your eye.

You see Gojo standing with Nanami and Choso a few strides away, near the lamppost. He’s mostly turned away from you, Nanami nudging his arm annoyed at something he said, and the sound of his laughter in the air makes your heart feel like it’s at stray. Like that was where you were supposed to be right now, not here.

You watch him from the distance as he sighs, shrugging his shoulders up and down slightly before crossing his arms when Choso gestures towards the entrance of the bar, and so he looks in that direction too. He’s frowning slightly and he brushes some of the hair fallen over his forehead away from his eyes, in that boyish way that makes your heart skip a beat, and you know he’s just doing it to see a little bit better, but it makes you want to cry. 

Geto walks up to them and rejoins their little circle, and holds his phone up in the air, and then there’s the melody of their voices bouncing off one another’s again. Geto rests his elbow up onto Gojo’s shoulder, leaning in a bit closer to tell him something, and when Gojo hears it, you see his entire body tense before his wide eyes are searching his surroundings, until those eyes land on you.

Your breath catches, and you hold his eye contact for only a moment before you look away, because it almost felt like too much to bear.

“What’s that folder in your hand?” Ren asks you, and you turn completely to face him so you can’t see Gojo in your periphery at all anymore.

“I just brought some of my work, for your—er, I guess Mr. Ko’s—reference if he’d like to see it after today’s…interview,” you say. “There’s a flashdrive, too.”

Ren has an amused look on his face and he shoves Kai’s shoulder with his palm. “Dude, you didn’t tell her?”

Kai shakes his head. “Tell her what?”

“Ohh, I see how it is,” Ren muses.

“What?” Kai asks, starting to sound annoyed.

Ren tips his chin up slightly to study Kai’s face, and then his look of amusement dissipates into one of understanding. “Nothing.”

“Tell me what?” you prod.

“Just that you didn’t really need to bring all of that with you,” he says. “Sorry for the trouble.”

You shake your head. “It’s fine, but if you could still give it to him—”

“I’m surprised Kai suggested someone when I asked if he knew anyone,” Junichi jumps in, “I’m used to him grumbling on and on about how shit the work is in filmmaking. Would’ve thought he’d convinced you to look the other way by now.”

You blink at the gruff man, then look at Kai, and he’s just staring down at the dirt of his shoes. “Well, we had a conversation about it. But I’m pretty set on what I want to do,” you say.

Kai lets out a scoff. “Yeah, I don’t really know how else to warn you about the shit show you’re in for, but if you want to be in debt to grad school for the next couple decades of your life, then it’s up to you.”

“Hey, jackass, try to be a bit nicer,” Ren speaks up. “She’s got some goals. Big fuckin’ deal.” He turns to you. “Although, he’s got a point sweetheart, school’s not going to get you anywhere in this industry.”

You frown. “A lot of directors I look up to went through graduate schooling. Most, I would say. I don’t understand where this rhetoric is coming from.”

“It’s coming from real people with real experience,” Ren says, and you dislike the way he takes a step closer to you to reiterate his point, “honestly, you should save yourself some time and give up on applying. It’s not worth it.”

“I’ve already put my application together,” you say, brow furrowing slightly, “I’ve asked professors for my references, spent the past four years working on my profile—” 

“But working under a director, I mean really getting to work under one, beats all of that. Which is why you’re here, right?” Ren asks, but it’s not curious, it’s testing.

You feel a sheen of sweat build at your forehead, even in this cold, and you clench your hand into a fist once, twice, thrice. You’re breathing fast, and the three sets of eyes that are staring so scrutinizingly into your soul right now have you faltering, like if they took another step forward, tried to intrude what you thought you knew one more time, you’d fall backwards over the cliff.

Suddenly, a hand wraps around your upper arm, and when you turn your head to the left, you see Gojo standing there.

“Hey,” he says to you, sparing one single sidewards glare towards Kai, who immediately averts the eye contact, before Gojo’s eyes are on you again, “can I talk to you for a second?”

You look at the three men in your circle, who suddenly adopt skittish body postures, and Gojo doesn’t really wait longer than a few seconds before he’s pulling you away from them over towards the edge of the curb towards the street.

“What?” you ask once he lets go of your arm.

“What are you doing here with those guys?” he asks.

“I’m—…why does it matter to you?” you ask.

“It matters to me because of the fucking absurd conversation I just overheard,” he says, “now answer me.”

His tone annoys you, and you cross your arms. “Are you eavesdropping?”

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” he says, taking a step forward to you, “who are those guys, and why are you here with them?”

You blink at him, furrowed brows relaxing slightly as you drop your crossed arms to your side, and you stare straight ahead at the blankness of the white t-shirt he’s wearing, as your mind runs blank to his question. Why were you here with them? Was it because you had no other plans? Was it because the opportunity sounded too good to be true, and you just had to see for yourself? Was it because you’ve been unable to sleep at night from all the stress, the financial worries, the rejection, and you just want to finally feel like you’ve done one good thing for yourself? To feel like you’re at least making one step in the right direction, no matter the cost?

“I’m here for a job interview,” you say to him. Your tone is flat, and you feel numb.

“A job interview?” he asks, with just about as much incredulity you would’ve expected to hear from him at that answer, “At a bar? How does that make any sense?”

“It…” you start, “sounded fine.”

“It sounds shady as fuck.”

“This doesn’t concern you, okay? I’m—…I’m just trying to make my goals work for me, Satoru, and I really don’t expect you to understand.”

“Why wouldn’t I understand?” he asks. There’s confusion in his voice, and maybe even a little bit of hurt.

“Because you can’t even understand how unfair and painful it is for me that you keep—” you have to purse your lips together briefly to fight back the knot in your throat, “…that you keep interfering with my life everywhere I go.”

His expression softens, and he silently stands in front of you for a moment. His eyes dart across your face, and then he reaches out to grab your hand. “Listen, if you still want to get drinks tonight, then just get drinks with us. But don’t hang out with those guys. They’re bad news, especially the dude with the flannel, and I don’t think you’re in a good place right now to see that.”

Your eyes see white fury at that, and you all but snap. Because the irony of this whole situation, is that you’re not in a good place right now because of him. Because of all the pain that he’s put you through, for promising to stay away but then always being near, for saying he doesn’t want you but then acting like he does. 

“You know what I think, Satoru?” you ask through gritted teeth, yanking your hand from his grasp.

He’s looking at you, studying. “What?”

You take a step forward, threateningly, and he takes a step back so that he steps off the curb and onto the road, and you’re at eye-level with him now. “I think that you’re jealous,” you say, eyes glaring daggers into his.

He blinks at you, almost dumbfounded for a moment before he says “what?”

“You’re just fucking jealous that I seem to be moving on after you rejected me, because for some weird reason, you think it’s okay to not want me, and yet not want me to be with anyone else,” you say, practically hissing the words. “You don’t like seeing me with any guys other than you? You don’t want to believe me when I say that I’m over you? You’re not sorry for kissing me? Even after knowing,” you take a pause to breathe, because you feel like you can’t, “even after knowing that I like you,” eyes blinking fast because you don’t want him to see you cry right now, “you know that I like you so fucking much, and that it’s hurtful, and that it’s wrong— and even after all of that, you act the same, and still won’t promise me any commitment of your own.”

He’s looking at you with an expression you can’t read, but you’ve lost all interest in trying to understand it anymore.

“You don’t want me hanging out with them?” you repeat after him, “I’m not listening to that. Because it’s possessive. And it’s wrong.”

At the mention of them, Gojo clenches his jaw. “That has nothing to do with you and me, right now. What they’re trying to convince you of doesn’t make any sense, and it won’t help you achieve your dreams either, y/n.”

“You don’t know anything about my dreams, Satoru,” you say, just to hurt him. But you think about the sincere expression on his face the first time you met him when you told him that you wanted his help with your assignment. You think about the playful nudge of his elbow that night he stayed with you on the curb, and told you that you just had to try to put yourself out there, because you couldn’t accomplish anything without facing your fears. You think about how he’s always the first to like every single one of the slideshows you post of your pictures on Instagram. You think about the adoration in his eyes, reflected off the moonlight through the hotel window, when you told him about a little cottage on the countryside, one you’ve always wanted, and those eyes told you that he was really rooting for you. “You don’t know. Because you—” there’s an echo of words in your head. Someone else’s words, not yours, “Because you’re a college athlete. And—” you let out an exhale, “and you don’t pay tuition.”

His brow furrows. There’s a beat of silence as his confusion settles in. “What?”

“You were born blessed with talent, and you’re popular, and people adore you, and you don’t have to worry about internships, or jumping from job to job just to make something of yourself,” you say, picturing your life in your head along with all the strife, “or about all of the sinking debt, and the worry, and the— and the car repair bills,” you say, almost with a scoff, eyes sheening with tears, like you’re losing your mind, “all of the fucking car repair bills.” Your chest is heaving as you shake your head. “Because you’re set for life as long as you kick a fucking ball.” 

His lips purse together, like he can tell there’s more on your tongue to say, more hurtful words, and he wants to hear you say them. And so you do.

“You’ve never had to suffer or worry about a single thing in your life. So don’t pretend like you understand what I’m trying to do here tonight,” you say, inflection signing off on the end, to tell him that you’re done. 

He stands in front of you, practically motionless except for the slow movement of his chest as he breathes. His expression, tense and hurt, softens slowly, and you see him digging his nails into the skin of his palms through fidgeting clenched fists at his sides. And then he relaxes them, too.

“Does that make you feel better?” he asks.

His question confuses you, and for some reason, regret washes over you. “What?”

“Does thinking of me that way—…does it make you feel better about all of this? Between us?”

You’re breathing fast, eyebrows pinching upwards to look at him, and the defeated expression on his face makes your heart ache. He’s waiting for an answer, and so you give him one. “Yes.”

He glances down at the ground for a moment, then at your collarbone, before meeting your gaze again. “I’m sorry. For everything. And I—” the words catch in his throat briefly, “I’ll try to leave you alone tonight.”

His use of the word try doesn’t escape you, but you give him a furtive nod, and he studies your face for a few moments before he steps back up onto the curb and walks past you. You watch him walk all the way, no longer with that confidence or conviction you’re so used to seeing in him, as he steps back into his circle, to Geto’s side. Geto gives a small glance over his shoulder to look at you with discerning eyes before looking at Gojo again, and then he’s turned away from you. 

Heavy feet drag you back to Kai, Ren, and Junichi, and you feel feverish. They mention something about the table being ready, and you nod. The bar is rustic, with more tables than barspace, and the four of you are seated and then presented with a small food menu. You’re seated next to Kai, Ren is right across from you, and Junichi is to his right. You watch a waitress usher Nanami, Choso, Geto and Gojo to one of the tables as well, two away from yours, and you forcefully blur your vision so you don’t have to catch sight of the expression on Gojo’s face.

“So,” Ren speaks up as his eyes peruse the food menu and Junichi waves the waitress over to order a round of sake, “tell me more about your experience, sweetheart.”

You blink at him, eyes feeling heavy, heart feeling heavy. “I’d prefer it if you called me by my name.”

Ren lets out a coo, and you briefly glance at Kai who’s shaking his head with a sigh. “My bad, y/n. Your experience?”

Your hands play with the folder sitting in your lap. “I started writing screenplays for small-scale directors when I was a freshman, and was greenlit on a couple into my sophomore year. One of the films I worked on, I had directing credits for, and it was nominated for best screenplay at Etoile Film Festival the year following.”

Ren swallows slightly, shifting in his chair and pushing his shoulders back, like he’s trying to establish himself now. Kai is clenching a fist on the surface of the table.

Ren clears his throat before speaking again. “Wow, okay, so you’ve actually got some serious shit going on.” His voice is a faux octave deeper. “What do you know about being a good assistant? Ever worked in customer service? Secretary?”

“Oh, I mean I have worked in customer service, but I wasn’t done sharing about my experience—” you try to say but Junichi cuts you off.

“First round’s on me,” he declares, “for bringing her out here.” He tips his chin to you and then sends Kai a glance.

A waitress brings by a bottle of sake, and Junichi begins pouring drinks into the glasses, then slides them across the table. Kai gives Ren a pointed look. 

“Don’t get too wasted,” Kai says to him as he brings his glass to his lips, “you start running that mouth of yours a little too much when you do.”

Ren grins at him and immediately knocks down the glass Junichi barely finished pouring from him in one go, and the gruff man beside him is grumbling. “Whatever you say.”

Something had been bothering you since you came here. “Wait,” you say, pointing between Kai and Ren, “do you two know each other already? Because,” you turn to look at Kai, “on the phone earlier, you sounded like you didn’t.”

Kai’s eyebrows raise in surprise, as though he’s discovered you have some skill for foresight. You glance at Ren, and he gives Kai a puzzled look.

“Uh, yeah. I’ve known Kai for years,” he says, “we go way back. We went to highschool together.”

Kai shifts a little in his chair. “Sorry. Probably forgot to mention it.”

You glance down at the glass of sake in front of you, and the way it twinkles under the lighting of the bar. You slowly bring it to your mouth, taking a small sip, and the way it coats your tongue is less than pleasing. 

“Can you tell me more about the assistant position?” you ask Ren, who’s emptied out the bottle of sake and waving someone over to order more. He already has a slightly flush to his face.

“Yeah, yeah, will do,” he says, “but first, let me tell you about what I do in visuals.”

Another round of sake is dropped by, and then another, followed by another, as Ren continues to ramble on and on about what he does for work, and how it’s entirely integral to the final piece of the film, although you’ve never really had a terrible level of appreciation for visual effects in short-film craft, since it’s hardly much work. But you wouldn’t say that, you just continue to nurse your one glass of sake as the three men surrounding you knock back more and more, and there’s slurs to their speeches now.

“Sooo, I’m so sorry, sweetheart—I mean y/n, for cuttin’ you off earlier,” he says, “but what was that experience you wanted to talk to me about?” Ren asks from across the table, and his eyes are all traveling over you.

“I…” you start, “well, I started to work with one of my professors last year, she’s a two-time Cannes Film Festival winner, and she let me under her wing for one of her projects last year.”

“Who is she? Oh wait, nevermind, probably wouldn’t have heard of her anyways,” Ren says, but when you fail to laugh, he waves his hand in the air. “Joking, joking. What’s her name?”

“Naoko. Naoko Ogigami.”

“Oh shit. I have heard of her,” Ren says, followed by a shallow hiccup. Junichi shrugs his shoulders, and when you look at Kai, he’s nodding slowly and toying with the rim of his glass with a finger.

“Yes. Well, anyways—” you start up again, before Kai sets his glass of sake down particularly loud.

“This is all bullshit. Really. I told you, filmmaking is a waste of time. Just focus on your photography, and your freelance or whatnot,” Kai says, grit to his jaw, face looking red with possibly something other than just a tipsiness. 

Ren lets out a laugh. “Fuckin’ Kai. What a pessimist. Don’t listen to him, sweetheart,” he says, slurred, and you furrow your brow at him with a glare, “sorry. Don’t listen to him. Trust me, you’ll learn a lot under Mr. Ko. He’s a suuuper nice guy.”

“What’s the compensation?” you ask. It’s a brazen question, one you’d never ask so soon in a formal interview process, but this table was hardly anything formal.

“Real good. Mmm I think like…5200 yen an hour, and then also, you get your foot in the door.”

“Oh,” you sit up a little in your chair. It was higher than most entry-level anything for undergraduates or even new grads. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” he drawls when he sees you’re more interested. “Good stuff. Kai used to pick these kinds of jobs up, too, back in his college days. I remember. Although, he’s hardly Mr. Ko’s type, so I doubt he’d be any good for this one.”

Your head snaps to Ren again at his words, face tensing. 

“Tell her about what a job like this—hic—entails,” Ren says as he extends his glass out for Junichi to pour him another.

Kai glances at Ren once, and you watch him grind his teeth for a moment, and then there’s a hint of a smirk on his face.

“Oh. Y’know, clerical work. Stuff like printing scripts out,” Kai starts, Junichi filling up his glass and then he raises it into the air to watch the liquid swish around, “grabbing him coffee. Making sure his trailer is stocked.”

“Blowing him in said trailer,” Ren says. It’s something quiet, under his breath with a small laugh, where you could barely hear it across the table. But you heard it nonetheless. And your heart sinks to the core of the earth.

“Excuse me?” you say. The benefit of doubt sitting on your shoulder, watching in disbelief as well.

“He’s joking,” Kai says, quickly, “runnin’ his mouth.”

“Oh fuck off, Kai,” Ren says, throwing his hands up in the air, “don’t act like that’s not why you brought her here.”

Your head slowly turns to Kai, who can’t meet your gaze. Your eyes flicker to Junichi, who looks amused. 

Ren leans over the table, elbows resting on top, to look you straight in the eyes. He’s got a sleazy smile, and you can smell the alcohol on his breath, and he dips his tone down low enough to where you can hardly hear it over the sounds surrounding you in the bar. “That’s how you’ll make it in this industry, sweetheart. Whether you like it or not, you’ll be working under those directors until you make it.”

You stand up so fast that your chair falls behind you, hand raised in the air, and you swiftly slap the man across from you so hard across the cheek that it leaves his skin even more red than the flush from before, and your palm is stinging. 

There’s gasps all around the bar, hushed voices, eyes on you, but you don’t care. There’s not a single thing in the world you care more about right now than the anger swelled in your chest.

Ren holds his cheek, surprised, blinking like a pathetic animal. He almost looks like he’s about to cry, and you let out a scoff at the sight.

You turn to face Kai, whose eyes are wide and he’s staring up at you. Your fists are clenched at your side.

“Is this why you brought me here tonight?” you ask. Your voice is trembling, anxiety at the wake, the white anger spotting your vision. But there’s also pain. So much pain, and you’re just so fed up with all of it. “Because your belittling, condescending words weren’t enough to tear my hopes apart, so you had to humiliate me in front of your friends instead?”

Kai holds his hand up. “Woah, Canon, relax. He was just joking—…” Kai glances at Ren, who’s still holding his cheek and biting down on his lip, and then his gaze hardens. “Y’know what? It’s about fucking time you get this wake-up call, y/n. I’ve been trying to do the nice thing to steer you in the right direction, and the least you could—”

“Steer me in the right fucking direction?!” you’re yelling now, registering the way your voice echoes in the bar. “You know what I think this is all about, Kai?” You grit your teeth, “You’re a sick, stupid, sexist fuck who didn’t have the balls to go after what he wanted. So miserably pathetic that you’ve got no other fucking business than to pull people down to your level.”

Kai pinches his eyebrows together, hand on the table clenching into a fist. 

You lean down closer, an exasperated scoff leaving your lips. “Why don’t you go be his assistant instead? Since I’m sure you’re good at taking it up the ass.”

Kai’s eyes twitch, “you fucking—”

You grab his glass off the table and throw the alcohol into his face, eliciting another round of noises around the bar, and his mouth falls agape in shock before he gets up out of his chair, hand reaching out to grab for you. You close your eyes shut with a flinch to expect pain. Any sort of pain. But you don’t feel anything at all.

When you open your eyes, you see Gojo standing to your left, veins of his arm tense with the tight grip he has on Kai’s forearm, and you can see he’s practically shaking with rage. He steps in front of you, guarding, and you can’t see the expression on his face, but the fear in Kai’s eyes is enough to say it all.

“That’s enough,” he says, the clench of his jaw evident through the strain in his voice, “try to put your hands on her again, and I’ll split your fucking face in half.”

You can see Kai’s breathing pick up from where you’re peering over Gojo’s shoulder, and then Gojo shoves him backwards right as Choso kicks the fallen chair to his feet so he trips over it backwards then hits the ground with a loud and indignant thud.

Gojo’s hovering over Kai, his hands shoved in his pockets as he glares down at him, while Geto and Nanami put space between you and the other two men at your table. You feel a searing flush to your cheeks. You’re breathing fast, the peering eyes all around you are scrutinizing, looking at you with surprise, confusion, shock, and pity. Your mind is racing, and you wonder what your parents would think of all this. What your friends would think of all of this. What the people who support you would think of the fucked up situation you’ve found yourself in, and the humiliation courses so deep through your veins that you just want to run away and hide. The ground could swallow you whole right now, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

You take one step back, then another, before you turn on your heel to rush out the door into the night, and you barely register that it’s raining. You can feel your heart thumping fast in your chest and in your head, that familiar knot in your throat twisting tight as you walk fast down the street and ignore Gojo’s call of your name from behind you.

You don’t want to see anyone right now. You don’t want to be seen by anyone right now. Especially Gojo, of all people, because he was right about everything, and the fact that you had shut him down about it, and the way that you had shut him down about it makes your head numb and your breathing pick up fast.

“y/n,” you hear him call out from behind you, his pace is getting faster and so you’re resorting to longer strides as well, puddles of water splashing under your feet with every step, “just wait—”

“I’m seriously,” you start, and the tears begin to fall, “I’m seriously so, so, so, so, so fucking embarassed right now,” you gasp out the words with no air left in your lungs to breathe as you continue to run away from him, “so please, just leave me alone.”

You can picture it all in your head. Something like I told you so from his lips, because after what you’ve been put through tonight, you just want to assume the worst in people.

But just as you round the corner into an alley, feeling lost with the sight of a dead end, you feel a hand wrap around your arm and then you’re being pulled into an embrace.

Your eyes are blinking with tears streaming, your face buried in a chest that is warm, with a heart beating so fast that it’s keeping time with your own, and the fragrance that surrounds you is so painfully him that it makes you sob even more.

Strong arms wrap around you, pulling you closer, and Gojo rests his chin at the top of your head. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, and you can feel the rumble of his voice, “I just needed to stop you from running.”

Your arms are weakly raised, an outline over his torso but not yet grabbing on, until you hesitantly do. And when you hold onto him, it’s so tight and strong, and you realize that after everything between the two of you, it’s the first time you’ve been wrapped in his arms.

“I feel so stupid,” you start, already hating the words because you want to be stronger right now, but you can’t.

“You’re not stupid,” he quickly corrects you, “those guys are fucking insecure losers. You’re just trying your best. You always have, for as long as I’ve known you, and it’s something you should be proud of yourself for.”

You don’t know what to say to him, you just cling to the damp fabric of his shirt in the rain.  

“Things are going to work out for you, no matter what, because I know you’ve got what it takes and you’re willing to work hard for it,” he says, his chin nuzzling so you’re tucked into him even further, “and if things don’t work out, that’s okay, you’re strong and you’ll always get back up. And I want to be there to help you through everything.”

You pull your face from his chest to stare up at him, droplets of rain falling to your face and making you flinch occasionally. “I’m confused.”

His hand comes up to cup your face, swiping at a tear on your cheek, or maybe it was rain. “I thought that—” he starts, his thumb briefly running over the small cut still healing on your cheek, his brow furrowing, “I thought that I’d be okay with watching your life from afar, through cropped pictures on a screen,” he says, a chill running through you, “but I can’t. It’s killing me. And I’m really sorry that it took me this long to tell you this, but I like you so much and I really want to be with you.”

Your eyes widen at his words, and you don’t know how to feel. You push your face into his chest again. His thumb runs circles at your side through the dampness of your shirt.

“There are a lot of reasons I didn’t feel like I could date you, or show up for you,” he says, “but the pain of not getting to be with you, of not getting to hold you, and just share my life with you is way worse than whatever reasons I kept trying to convince myself of.”

You nod slowly, because there was a part of you deep inside that knew that all along. 

His grip on you relaxes slightly and you take that as a request from him for you to look up at him, so you do. “I know I’ve put you through a lot of pain, and I’m really not a perfect person, but if there’s room in your heart to forgive me, I promise you that I’ll do everything I can to make you feel happy and cared for.”

Your eyes study his face for sincerity. They’re words you’ve been wanting to hear, words you could’ve pictured in your head, but the adoration in his eyes makes you realize you never could’ve imagined the true sweetness of those words when they’re said from him.

You press your cheek to his chest again. You’re not crying anymore. “I’m sorry for what I said to you earlier. About kicking a soccer ball, and having it easy,” you bite down on your lip, because now there’s tears in your eyes again, “I didn’t mean it.” You sniffle a little, “I know you work hard. And it was a really mean thing to say.”

He sighs, holding you flush to himself. His cheek presses against the top of your head. “That’s okay, you don’t have to apologize for that.”

“But I do.”

There was no grudge at all. There was nothing withdrawn from you, nothing taken away as punishment. He just held onto you, exactly as you are, and you felt so safe in every second you spent in his arms.

You look up at him again. His hair is damp, strands clinging to his face in all the places they usually fall over, droplets of rain falling from his fringe onto your face and he does everything he can to wipe them away. “It’s too late,” you tell him, and he immediately knows what you’re referring to.

He just holds you closer. “I know.”

“I don’t have feelings for you anymore,” you say through a sniffle.

He knows you’re lying, and that you say it just out of spite, but he holds your head to his chest. “I know.”

“You’ll have to beg and grovel, and even then, I might not like you ever again,” you say, gripping so tightly onto his shirt for purchase, your voice sounding muffled as you breathe in the scent of him. “That’s your punishment.”

He presses a kiss to the top of your head. A firm press of his lips, lasting as he takes a few deep breaths. And then he kisses the same spot again, staying still in that position as he repeats himself.

“I know.”

--

a/n. phewww thank you for reading, i swear, this chapter felt like a goddamn war to write. my emotions were all over the damn place, i think cause i wrote from a place of bitter experience lol. i dedicate this chap to my lovely friend she’s a film major (she inspired me to create this story) and i srs wouldn’t be able to write kickoff without her 😭💕 dear M♥︎, i thought of you sm while writing this chapter, i can only hope i’ve captured even the slightest bit of the understanding i will always aim to have of you, and that you feel seen. i’m incredibly proud of you, always rooting for you, so often thinking of you, and terribly missing you so much rn (plsssssss visit meee😩💔 ) dedicated w sm love 💕 -bitchasshoe this chapter is also dedicated to anyone who’s going through a hard times n maybe just trying to figure themselves out :”) i am so proud of you, you should be so proud of yourself, there’s still so much to live and learn, and i hope the universe blesses you w everything you’ve ever wanted!! big thank u to my lovely m00t @quinnyundertow she pulled me out of my writers block for this chapter and also beta read a lot of it for me 😭 and by beta read i mean left the funniest fucking comments everywhere and i will forever remember how hard i laughed 🤣 i adore u sm thank you <33 SHES ALSO A WRITER TOO GO CHECK HER OUT on ao3 she is an amazinggg writer there’s only three chapters left for kickoff (i’m gonna cry just thinking ab it :”)) which doesnt sound like a lot but there’s still a lot i’ve got planned 😭 i’m just noticing that i very poorly planned the second half of this series. chapters 1-6 combined have less words than chapters 7-9 combined 😅✨ sooooo i may increase the chapters from 12 to 14 by splitting them up to make it easier on me, or just stick to the plan and come out with long chapters like the last two. idk. i’ll figure it out. thank u to everyone for reading i love you all dearly 😭💕 i’ll see you in the next one!!

➸ you're all caught up!

➸ wrote some kickoff headcanons here

--

taglist: @who-can-touch-my-boob @therealestpussyeater @lost-resonance @hojoslutoru @foulprincesscycle @luniunia @alekssashka7 @bsdicinindirdim @tsukikourito @getitsatoru @slut-4-gojo @cactisjuice @kissofife @tiredflame132 @cliosunshine @ethereally-lyann @btszn @prince-wyiilder @semra4 @gojosimp26 @drthymby @ninitoru @bbyxxm @fvsm4x @sadmonke @zoinks1010 @bakuhoethotski @horisdope @sykostyles @aquaberrydolphin @colouringfrogssittinginleaves @ri-sa20 @purplehallow11 @mwtsxri @ritsatoru @bxddiebloss @chwesuh-imnida @mo0nforme @viware @still-fking-single @megumisthirdog @gintokhi @karvokr @cierocanteat @imjustaweirdnerd @ronniebird @bloopsstuff @mwtsxri @witchbybirth @tetsuski @fffinskye @gh0ulkz @beabadobeee @mandysfanfics @erencvlt @laviefantasie @sukunamylovexoxo @girlkissersco @itzjuliana @yell0wdreams @1dimas7 @strayedjeno @mo0nforme @yungbloode @sullybrothersmate @oaooaoaoaoa @swagangelllamawolf @banenemilk @inniesblog

(hope i didn't miss anyone thank u all sm!!)

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojo smut #jjk gojo #geto suguru #gojo satoru angst #nanami kento #choso kamo #series #yaga masamichi #alternate universe #college #college au #soccer #sports au #fraternity #sorority #tw drinking #partying #anime #romance #smut #fluff #angst #jjk smut #long fic #jjk series #ongoing series

[the-kr8tor]

hiii, i've been thinking for Fluffy Friday - Hobie walking gn!reader to their bus stop after a concert and giving them his jacket

like it's late, and they're both tired from all the jumping in the pit and he's making sure they won't freeze on their way home. just Hobie being both punk and a gentleman <3

hope you're having a good day!!

Thank you for requesting! Hope you like it ❤️

Pairing: Hobie Brown x gn! Reader/ Spider-Punk x gn! Reader

Tags: No use of Y/N, no specific physical description of the reader, love struck Hobie, FLUFF

It's fluffy Friday!

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

You're freezing your ass off waiting for the bus, you try to hide it from Hobie though; slyly rubbing your arms, trying to get rid of the goosebumps. You absolutely regret not bringing a thicker jacket with you. Your tired body doesn't help, legs tired from jumping up and down, cursing the government for taking out benches on bus stops.

Hobie stops mid sentence, too engrossed in the conversation, he just noticed how your lips slightly quiver in the cold, arms crossed on your chest, trying to act nonchalant.

"—You want my jacket?" Hobie's already taking off his leather jacket.

"No, you'll get cold" you try to stop him, hands on the leather, pushing it back towards him.

"I run warm, love. You need it more" He says softly as he drapes it over your shoulder, helping you put your arms inside the jacket. You don't protest more, savoring the warmth provided. Already giddy when you realize you smell like him now. "Better?" Hobie rubs your arms, adding extra warmth.

"Yeah, better. Thank you" you sigh into his touch, smile soft, eyes staring at him with so much fondness, you take his breath away. A lopsided smile appears on his lips, he's sure you're doing it on purpose just to see him all flustered.

He lets you win, chuckling as he hides his face on the crook of your neck, using the excuse that he's hugging you goodbye. You embrace him back, warming him up instantly.

"You're cold already" You whisper it to him like a secret, kneading the tired muscles on his back.

The bus arrives, saving Hobie from your horrid (affectionate) acts. The doors hisses open, you reluctantly let him go, Hobie holds you at arms length, cupping your face in his hand, admiring how the fluorescent lights from the bus highlights your face. He etches the memory deep inside his mind, memorizing how clouds puff out of your slightly parted lips, eyebrows relaxed, doe eyes gazing at him with longing.

You're not the only one who has that expression. Hobie mirrors yours, except for the content smile on his lips. The bus honks, ruining the moment.

"I've gotta go" you don't want to leave though, but your eyes are already protesting, lids growing heavy every minute.

Hobie scans the bus for any creeps that might cause you trouble. He finds none, only you and the bus driver will be inside.

"You sure you don't want me to come with you?" He asks with concern, it is really late for you to travel alone.

You slowly walk towards the bus, fingers laced with Hobie's. "You live on the other side of town" laughing, finally letting him go. You feel cold already. "I'll call you when I get home, okay?" Trying to reassure him.

"Yeah," he nods, watching you get on the bus. "Drive safely, mate" Hobie addresses the driver. The driver wordlessly gives him a nod.

Sitting down on the plastic seats, you watch as Hobie gets smaller and smaller as the bus drives away. Laying your head on the window, you smile at how much you had fun today, especially spending it with Hobie. Giddily wrapping his leather jacket closer to your torso. You've been dating him for a couple of months now, and you're loving every second of it. You probably look like a maniac to the bus driver, all smiley and giggling at nothing.

Distracted, your face almost hits the seat in front of you when the bus suddenly lurches to a stop. You look out of the window in confusion.

"Sorry 'bout that" Hobie's familiar voice talks to the driver. Are you that tired that you're suddenly hearing his voice? Or do you just fancy him that much?

Peeking down the aisle, sure enough you see Hobie sauntering over to you, a goofy smile on his face.

Your mouth agape, you fumble with your words. "What–how? You're–"

"I ran" He doesn't look like he ran to catch up with the bus, a running bus mind you. How in the world?–

Hobie gestures for the seat next to you, without warning, the bus suddenly moves again, you reach for his arms so he doesn't get thrown about. Guiding him down the seat, he gives you an appreciative smile.

"What are you doing here?" You ask, voice lowering so you don't anger the driver with the noise.

"I don't know, actually" he looked serious when he said those words.

You laugh from the belly, head thumping on his chest. He laughs a few seconds after you, finding your giggling contagious. His hands on the back of your neck, you feel how cold his palms are. "Oh I think I know" you say with a smirk, a hint of shyness peeking in.

"I'm not trying to sleep over at your place–"

"And here I thought you wanted me to make you a cup of tea" you warm his cold arms. "So this isn't a ruse to stay the night?"

"I think i just wanted to make sure you got home" he clears his throat, trying to sound nonchalant.

"All these spikes and you're actually a softie, huh?" You fix his windblown eyebrow. "How are you gonna get home now?"

"That's for me to figure out later" Hobie tilts his head, leaning to your touch.

"Okay," you lay your head on his shoulder. "Thank you for staying with me" holding his cold hand, you place a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"It's nothin'" He loops his arm over your shoulder. Cheek right next to your temple, Hobie practically melts. Comfortable in your arms, you feel the same, resting your eyes, squeezing his hand lightly.

You mentally scoff at the idea of letting Hobie walk in the dark especially in this temperature. You're already planning what tea to brew for him when you get home.

ʕ⁠·⁠ᴥ⁠·⁠ʔ

Thank you for reading! Please consider reblogging if you enjoyed it ❤️

#request done #fluffy fridays #hobie brown x reader #spider punk x reader #the kr8tor's creations #hobie brown #spider punk #x reader #atsv fanfiction #spider man across the spider verse #atsv fluff #atsv fanfic #atsv x reader #atsv hobie #hobie brown x gn!reader #hobie brown x you #spider punk x gn! reader #spider punk x you #hobie fluff #hobie brown fluff #fanfic

[bucketsofmonsters]

The Witch's Apprentice - Part 6

cw: demon summoning, prolonged isolation, size difference, body horror, forced transformation, self-inflicted injuries, more tags will be added as the story continues

male demon x afab reader

Word count: 3k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6  Part 7

He brought you back into your room. Where else would he bring you? Your soundproofed, locked room that you had no way out of. 

You weren’t any less stuck than you were before. 

That wasn’t going to stop you, couldn’t stop you. You needed to get out. You needed to see Eden. 

You knew any attempt to reach her was pointless. She couldn’t hear you. 

It didn’t stop your desperate attempt to get to her in any way possible. You pounded on the door, the noise of your fists against the thick wood echoing in your ears and never reaching hers. 

You're not entirely sure how long you pounded on that door. It was hard to focus on anything. You weren’t seeing the door, you were seeing Eden’s face and her saving you from those god-forsaken woods and then Lucien doubling over again, hearing how his words got frantic as he tried to warn you about something he just couldn’t say and you’d start hitting even harder. 

An earsplitting, pained scream sounded and it took a second to realize it came from you. You hadn’t meant to scream but what harm could it do? It wasn’t like anyone could hear you anyways. 

You kept pounding until massive, gentle hands wrapped around your wrists. 

You looked down to find Lucien holding your now bloodied hands. 

His grip was soft. You could have pulled away if you’d wanted to, kept on trying to fight your way through a solid block of wood. 

You let him stop you. 

As soon as he realized you were done he released your hands and with that you collapsed to the floor, letting your head fall against the door. 

“You tire yourself out yet?” Lucien asked, watching you from above.

You glared up at him as you sucked in air. 

“I need…” Your voice came out nasally and wet. “I need to understand. I need to see her.”

“This is a bad idea.” He sounded resigned, as if he knew nothing he said was going to matter. You had to do this. 

“Says the demon I talk to every day.”

“Don’t do that. Not now. Not after everything.”

“Sorry,” you said with a sniffle. “You weren’t a bad idea. I think summoning you might have been the only good idea I ever had.”

As you spoke you felt something being pushed under the door into your side. You looked down to see a plate of food. Your dinner. 

You shoved it back out. At least that was something Eden could see, somewhere productive your frustration could go. 

You heard a huff through the door and you knew she was projecting her voice through. “Fine, if you want to be that way.”

“Can I talk to you?” you called out, knowing it was never going to work. 

You didn’t know if she’d left yet but it didn't matter. She never lifts it on your end, never tries to hear you. 

A heavy sigh escaped Lucien as he stared at you with sad eyes.

“As long as you’re dead set on this, do you want to do something really stupid?”

You nodded instantly. At this point, you’d agree to just about anything. 

He held his hand out towards you and waited. 

You took a moment to gather yourself as best you could. There wasn’t much you could do at this point to stop looking like a mess but at the very least you could try to slow your breathing and blink some of the tears out of your eyes. 

When you reached out to take his hand, he gave it a gentle squeeze before you were feeling the same sensation you’d felt when he’d whisked you back to his home. This time you appeared a few steps away, right through the wall. 

Eden’s eyes widened in fear the second Lucien appeared in front of her. She hadn’t even noticed you yet, her eyes locked on his imposing figure. 

As she stumbled backward, reaching blindly for something behind her, her eyes fell to you and that fear turned to anger. 

“What did you do?” she hissed out. 

“What did I do? How about I’ll tell you that when you explain the runes that burnt their way into his skin when he tried to warn me about you.”

You watched all the blood drain from her face. “What has he told you?”

“He hasn’t told me anything,” you shouted. “He can’t, you’ve stopped him. So now you’re going to tell me.”

You felt Lucien’s presence behind you, his hand ghosting over your back as a faint reminder that you weren’t here alone. 

Eden stumbled back again, coming up against a table this time. As she did, she grabbed a handful of the rosemary you always made sure she had on hand and threw it at the both of you, murmuring something under her breath as she did. 

You could feel the empty space where he’d stood before as she banished him. 

There was a manic look in her eyes as you watched her strategize, planning out what she was about to say to you. 

“He’s tricked you,” she finally settled on. “You think he’s on your side but he isn’t.”

“I don’t believe you,” you said, and those words seemed to strike almost as much panic in her as seeing Lucien did. 

“You don’t understand. He’s the one who made the forest, he’s the reason you're trapped here at all. I saved you from that, don’t you remember?”

And then everything clicked into place. “Oh my god, you made him do it, didn’t you?”

She didn’t need to confirm it, you could see it written across her face, across the face that you knew so well. 

She floundered and you just watched in horror as your best friend unraveled in front of you. 

“No, no of course not,” she lied. “I wouldn’t do that to you. It would take a monster to do that to you.”

You remembered Lucien’s confusion when you told him you couldn’t leave the woods. “All this time you could have let me through.”

“I did let you through, don’t you see? I let you through to bring you here and I’ve kept you so safe.”

You fought not to glance towards the door, towards the woods. To not give anything away. You could make a break for it and from there, it was his woods. Maybe he could save you before Eden could command him to do anything else. 

“Lucien made it,” you said again and Eden nodded eagerly You knew exactly what she wanted. For you to blame him, to act as if this wasn’t entirely her doing. 

He could save you, you knew he could. You could run and summon him before his creation managed to swallow you whole. 

Tears pricked at Eden’s eyes but they never fell. She would never let them fall. “You will not leave me.” 

She said it the same way she commanded Lucien, with absolute authority

You weren’t falling for it anymore. 

Your cheeks felt wet again and you reached up to find you’d started crying once more without even realizing it. “I would have stayed. If you’d just asked me I would’ve stayed in a heartbeat.”

“Then why does it matter?”

“Why does it… What do you mean why does it matter? You imprisoned me and you lied to me and I trusted you.”

She scoffed. “You know what? I tried so hard to be out here on my own. I conquered so much, escaped every other weak person who was dragging me down. But something was missing, something I couldn’t run from. And then you showed up, all bright-eyed and grateful and you fixed it all. I was weak and I needed people, needed you. I need you. Is that what you want to hear?”

It fully settled that she meant every word. She needed you here, needed you to keep the sickening loneliness that you were intimately familiar with away. 

And never once did it occur to her to think about that feeling in you. 

Why would it? You weren’t a friend to her, a companion, a person. You were a tool to stave off an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her gut. 

Before you could even process the fact that you were running towards the door you were falling. You hit the ground with a thud as Eden watched on from behind you, her shaking hands pointed in your direction. 

She muttered something under her breath and then you weren’t falling anymore. Instead, you were floating slowly but surely upwards. 

It took a few moments to realize that while you might be floating, your body wasn’t coming with you. It was lying below you, cold and so very far away. 

You looked dead. 

You felt dead. 

And then you were being made smaller. Matter was being summoned up where there was none before and you were being forced into a body that you don’t want to be in, one too small for you that felt far too fragile. 

You could feel bones and tendons forming, snapping into place as Eden held you aloft in front of her. 

Skin started to form over your new, unfamiliar frame and then something else. Were they feathers?

As unfamiliar flesh continued to crawl over the bones and muscles were conjured from nothing, you tried to fight, to move, to do anything in your new form. 

You managed to lift what looked like a half-formed wing and the numbness was replaced with searing pain. 

You felt like you’d been skinned and every feather that wormed its way out of you was like a needle through this new skin. 

Eden plucked you out of the air moments before you’d finished forming into this new shape. 

She held you in her hands and you’d never felt smaller. 

“It suits you,” she said as she looked down at you, the wings she’d forced upon you being pressed into your sides by her fingers. “You were always more of a pet than an apprentice anyways.”

Before you can so much as gather your bearings you were being forced inside a silver cage.  

Functioning inside the mind of a bird was impossibly difficult. You couldn’t hold onto thoughts anymore. The closest thing you had was the fear. That much the bird could understand. 

You did your best to make out what was happening outside your cage. It wasn’t that your vision was worse now, if anything it was better. It was like the things you were seeing were losing their context and gaining a new one. 

You saw Eden summon Lucien, saw them look down at your body as Eden said, “This is your fault.” You could see his breath catch in his chest, the way he doubled over on himself.

But you also saw predators, looming shapes that you wanted to get far away from. Their voices were too loud, you needed to leave. 

Then a voice sounded not from outside your new cage, but from somewhere inside of you. “You're not dead. I can feel you. Where are you?”

You heard the words perfectly fine, you just couldn’t process them. As soon as the next would come the word preceding it was lost to you. 

They were just sounds. Why were there sounds coming from inside your head? That’s not where they normally came from. 

A panicked attempt to fly away was thwarted by this small metal prison. You couldn’t go anywhere and there were sounds coming from inside you and the creatures in the room just kept getting louder and louder. 

The voice in your head wasn’t as loud as the creatures were, and yet you could hear it so much better. It spoke again and you could feel the voice trying to calm you. “...need you to summon me… can’t get to you…”

You could barely process the words before they left you behind. 

You caught a glimpse of your side. You were gray. You weren’t always gray. Were you? It seemed strange. 

You leaned back to straighten your feathers, preening restlessly as your mind told you to get away when you knew that you couldn’t. 

The panic felt familiar in a way you couldn’t place. You knew this panic. It wrapped around your throat and stole your air with a practiced familiarity. 

You were trapped. 

You remembered this. You understood being trapped. 

The sounds started making sense again, if only for a moment. Lucien and Eden were shouting at each other over your lifeless corpse and his voice sounded in your head, pleading with you. 

“Just summon me, I can’t get out on my own.”

But you couldn’t. You didn’t have long enough, didn’t have enough of yourself left. 

He’d known this would happen, had begged to take you away, for you not to do this. He had tried to save you, was still trying to, and you couldn’t get a hold of your own mind enough to help him do that. 

With your fleeting lucidity, you did the best that you could, praying it would be enough. You focused everything you had and with all your might sent him back one word. 

“Eden.”

It was difficult to parse what happened next. As far as you could tell,  it got very loud and everything moved very fast and then something exploded. 

You couldn’t tell where it came from. It was harder to place than the voices were. It felt like you’d exploded, like your insides had folded back apart just as quickly as they had formed but it just as easily it could have been the room around you, breaking apart as Lucien took revenge in both of your names. 

You probably wouldn’t make it out. You knew that much. You were stuck in an impossible body in an impossible situation in an impossible forest. You just hoped Lucien made it out, at the very least. That you did manage to free him. 

The next thing you knew you were lying in a strange bed in a strange room with Lucien looming nervously over you. 

You flexed your hand, your own hand, without so much as a single feather. It felt like a miracle. 

The first words you sputtered out were, “Eden… is she…”

You didn’t need to finish the question. 

He looked down at you, seeming like he was trying to figure out what answer you wanted. “She’s alive. I’d rather she wasn’t but I figured it should be up to you as much as it is me. Besides, I have her name now, she can’t make me do anything ever again. So I owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything,” you said, a coughing fit overtaking you after you forced the words out. A gray feather escaped your mouth and you almost threw up at the sight. 

He graciously didn't mention it. “I really do.”

You shook your head but you didn’t have the energy to argue with him right now. 

As you did, you took in the room around you. It was somewhere foreign, the walls of the room a dull gray with beat-up wooden furniture scattered about the room. 

“Where am I?” you asked as you tried to peek out the window that sat behind Lucien without straining yourself too hard. 

“An inn. I would’ve taken you back to hell with me but after everything you’ve been through I figured you’d appreciate being clear-headed. And besides, it’s easier to leave this way, in case you want me gone.”

You furrowed your brow. “Why would I want you gone?”

“I’m the reason you’ve been stuck in your own personal hell for years, you literally have nightmares about something I did to you.”

You shook your head again. “No, that’s not right. She made you do it, didn’t she?”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t change what happened to you.”

You rolled your eyes. “You pouting about it won’t change anything either. You’re not going anywhere, understood?”

He nodded as a faint smile graced his face. “Understood. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go pay for the room. I sort of just poofed us into the nearest inn I could remember as soon as I got a hold of you. You’ll be alright on your own?”

You wouldn’t be. How could you possibly be alright after all of this, after everything you knew had been ripped out from under you? 

You nodded. 

He took you at your word, stepping out the door with a final look in your direction. He closed the door softly behind him as if he was worried if it made too loud of a noise you’d spook. 

You collapsed back into the bed, letting your exhaustion take over you. 

As you fell into a fitful sleep, you couldn’t help but wonder what sort of nightmares you’d have now.

#terato #demon x reader #demon x human #monster bf #monster boyfriend #monster x human #monster x reader #demon #the witch's apprentice #this is kinda short but it is Dense and I didn't want to clutter it up #I can't believe yall were suspicious of Eden #how strange I wonder where that could've come from #This chapter is me having my animorphs moment lol #I will NEVER pass up a good transformation #that is a promise

[ashcal99]

Collarbones : Jasper Whitlock Hale II

Chapter Two

"I can see your collarbones and baby I'm scared, Never thought I'd be so unprepared"

Summary: Camila Johnson was only 16 when she was diagnosed with leukemia. By the time she had turned 17, the doctors had tried everything to save her. Her family is close to giving up hope when they hear of a doctor who may be able to help her. The only problem is, he lives on the opposite side of the country. The small family soon decides to move to the small town in Washington, in efforts to prolong her life. In doing so, her life changes forever.

Warnings: Eventual smut (18+ only), mentions of death, depression, descriptions of disease and weight loss, general angst, slow burn, blink and you'll miss it mention of eating disorder

Words: 5.1k

A/N: Please lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list. Sorry for the delay in posting, I just got back from vacation, so I'm hoping to get back to normal posting soon. THX x

Soundtrack

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

——————

January 25th, 2005

Jasper had stood there for a moment, mind cluttered with thoughts as he tried to make sense of what he had just seen. He had been there completely by chance. Everything had happened so quickly yet almost in slow motion. He had heard the van speeding down the road. Had seen Alice’s face as the vision had played throughout her mind. Had heard Edward yell out in anguish as he saw what Alice had seen as she was seeing it. Next thing he knew, they were in the hospital, trying to warn Carlisle of what had happened. 

In truth, he was a bit angry with Edward. Not as much as Rosalie, but still angry non the less. He understood that it would’ve been bad for everyone in that situation if the van would’ve crushed her. The blood itself would’ve been a huge issue for himself. But Edward saved her and in turn had exposed them all to the girl. In the end, he hoped Edward wouldn’t come to regret his actions. He hoped that they wouldn’t have to give up this life that they had built for themselves in Forks prematurely.

The whole group had been caught up in hushed conversation with Carlisle that he hadn’t even noticed her until the door had shut behind her. Then, all of a sudden, she was there, standing just outside of Carlisle’s office, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Anxiety radiated from her as she quickly turned, averting her gaze and walked down the hall away from the group. Clearly he had seen something that she hadn’t wanted him to, but what, he wasn’t sure. 

He had a clue of what it could be, but he needed to make sure before he jumped to any conclusions. He needed to talk to Edward, but he knew he would have to wait. He also would have to leave the hospital soon. His concentration was beginning to waver, and as much as he tried to stay as far away from the patient rooms, he could still smell the fresh blood. Alice could see this in his face, so she grabbed his hand and drug his stiff body back out into the parking lot, deciding that the rest of the family would have to find their own way home.

Alice sat in the driver’s seat weaving and winding down the long road that lead to their home. “Are you going to stay silent the whole ride?” She asked, trying the break the tension. 

Jasper let out a huff of air. “Do you know?” He asked, referring to the situation with Camila. It was eating him alive, not knowing. He hadn’t been so stressed in years, and the possibilities running through his mind were burning their way through his brain.

She nodded hesitantly. “I’ve seen it. After she came out of Carlisle’s office I had a vision of it.” She said. 

He looked out of his window to the trees rushing past. He knew from the look on Alice’s face that he was right in his suspicions, and his heart ached with this realization. “She’s sick.” He said simply. Not a question, but a statement. It made sense. This was why she was in Carlisle’s office. That alone meant that it was bad. Most likely terminal.

Alice let out a heavy sigh, knowing that it would be of little use to hide the rest from him now “Leukemia.” She stated simply. It hurt her to see her brother in pain, but this pain was inevitable. She had seen everything play out, and there was no going back now.

The word had stabbed him right in the heart. Suddenly, every little detail made sense. The scent of her blood, the bruises on her arms, her confusing emotions. His head fell into his hands. “Fuck.” He said, mind reeling. Sure, he barely knew the girl, but knowing she was dying hurt, and he was vaguely aware that it shouldn’t hurt as much as it did.

Yes, he knew that she was only human, and even if she wanted to be friends, in the end she would leave and he would be left alone. But knowing she was dying was like he had been shot in the chest. He knew that there was no physical aliment that was causing it, but the pain in his heart felt so real in that moment.

He knew it would do little to help knowing, but he had to ask. “How long?” He murmured.

“Less than a year.” She answered stiffly, trying her best not to be too specific, not wanting to upset him further. “But that could change.” She said quickly. He looked up at her, hurt crossing his features. He knew that she didn’t mean it in a hurtful way, but he couldn’t bring himself to think of that future. He couldn’t hope for that. “I’ve seen that too. You loving her. Her loving you. It could work out, you know.” She reasoned.

Jasper scoffed frustratedly. The vampire next to him was his best friend. He would’ve thought that she would’ve known him better than that. “Alice. I’m not going to single handedly doom her to eternal damnation.” He said. It hurt immensely to think about that. To think about a future with her. He selfishly wanted that future, but he also knew that it wasn’t the easy way out for Camila. 

It would complicate everything for her, and he didn’t know if she would willingly make that gamble. She would lose her friends. Her family. Not only this, but she would have to live through knowing that they would mourn her death. Because that would be the only way. To let everyone think that she had died. So he shut that thought down, pushing that small glimpse of hope out of him mind.

——————

January 26th, 2005

Camila was thankful that Jasper had left by the time she had finished in the bathroom, relieved to avoid him for just a bit, to be able to figure out what she was going to tell him. In truth, she hadn’t come up with any excuses, and deep down she knew that she would end up begging him to keep her secret to himself by the end of it. 

Nerves settled in her chest as her mother’s mini van pulled up to the front of the school. Deep breaths. It would all be okay. She stepped out of the vehicle, sucking in a breath of cold air. As she made her way to the building, carefully avoiding the sheets of ice on the ground, all of a sudden, she felt a cold hand on the small of her back. Her feet slipped out from underneath her as the hand caught her mid fall.

She looked up, seeing the face of the one person she had been actively trying to avoid. Of course, just her luck. “Jesus. You scared me.” She said breathlessly.

Jasper looked at her, a playful smirk adorning his face. “Actually, my name is Jasper, darlin’.” He joked. There was that damn name again. That deep southern drawl that sent heat straight to her cheeks. 

Despite his joking, he was in a very serious mood. He was determined to have this conversation, not wanting to delay it any further. He had thought about it all night, and didn’t want to wait any longer. “Do you want to skip with me today?” He asked.

Camila looked over to him, anxious, but knowing that it was best to get this conversation over with and out of the way. She nodded lightly, allowing him to lead her back to his own car. 

They drove in silence, Camila looking out of the passenger window at the greenery blurring past. He had promised to go and buy her breakfast, wanting to ease her anxiety as much as he could. So they weaved their way through the small town to the only diner open at that time.

The tension was thick in the air between them as the car pulled in front of the small cafe. The anxiety radiating from her was beginning to put Jasper on edge as well, so as soon as the car was in park, he jumped out, rushing to her side to open the door for her. Silently, they made their way into the restaurant, sitting in at a small table in a far corner in attempts to find some sense of privacy.

They sat there for a moment, quiet, Camila fidgeting with her rings to distract herself. Jasper’s mind whirled with thoughts. He had so much time to think about what he would say to her, but now that she was sat there in front of him, he was lost for words. He didn’t know where to begin, so he decided to jump straight to the point. “So…” He trailed off awkwardly, Camila’s eyes refusing to meet his own. “You’re sick.” 

Camila finally looked up at him, her face void of any emotions. He had said it as a statement, not a question. She didn’t know if it was better of worse, him knowing already, but either way, he had figured it out and this was what she would be left to deal with. “It’s pretty pathetic. I couldn’t even keep that a secret for a week.” She said scoffing, looking down at her hands once again

Jasper’s eyebrows threaded together in confusion. “Why exactly did you want to keep that a secret?” He asked, trying to not be rude, but curiosity winning the fight.

Sadness began to spread from where she was seated, however, the blank expression remained. “People change when they know you’re dying.” She said simply, tears beginning to well in her eyes. “I’m sick of the sympathy, because that’s all they’ll give me.” She said, her eyes dropping back to the pealing lamination of the cafe’s menu. 

“I just want a normal life. Nothing spectacular, just normal, but that clearly isn’t in the cards for me anymore. Given the lack of longevity of my life, why would I want to spend the small remainder of it smothered by the pity of others? That’s far from normal, it’s fucking suffocating.” She rambled sniffling slightly as she shook the thoughts from her head. 

She refused to cry in front of him. She didn’t want to cry anymore. “Sorry.” She muttered, knowing it wasn’t fair to pour all of that out to him. But he had asked, so it was okay, right?

He sat there for a moment, debating whether or not he should manipulate her emotions. He hated the sight of her upset. He hated feeling the pain that she was feeling. Knowing how things that other people had put her through had left her hurting so bad. “Well, your secret is safe with me… and my family I guess.”  He said.

She looked over to him, not convinced of his words. “I promise, okay?…Look, we have our own secrets and we know first hand how important is to keep them.” He reassured. He knew it probably wasn’t the wisest thing to elude to their supernatural tendencies, but he really didn’t care anymore. If she found out, she found out. It made it that much easier to give her the option to live later on. If you could even call it living. 

Camila didn’t care to focus on what their secret could possibly be in that moment. She only cared about his promise and the sincerity in his voice. “Thanks.” She muttered softly, looking deep into his amber eyes. 

Jasper smiled gently. “It was never my secret to tell, Darlin’.” He said.

She let out a groan, burring her face in her hands as heat began to creep up her neck. “You and that damn word.” She chided.

He laughed lightly. “What? You don’t like it?” He asked teasingly, knowing from looking at her bright red cheeks that she did in fact like it. He had been so distracted from her reaction to his words that he hadn’t even noticed the waitress that was walking over to their table until she was only a few steps away.  He looked up, giving a small smile to the woman before turning his attention back to the blushing girl in front of him. 

The woman cleared her throat. “What can I get for you two?” She asked politely, as the burn in his throat intensified from her close proximity.

Vaguely, he was aware of Camila speaking, giving her order to the woman. His focus was weaning as he tried to concentrate on controlling his thirst. Only when Camila called his name did he shake away his thoughts. “Sorry, what?” He asked.

“What can I get you, sweetie?” The woman asked lightly. 

Jasper gulped, thinking things through quickly. Did he want to even try to put up a front of portraying a human? Alice’s words rang through his head. ‘Less than a year.’ She had said.And he decided, fuck it. He would be his most authentic self, and she would find out in her own time. “Nothing for me, thanks.” He answered politely.

His eyes landed back on Camila as the waitress let them know that she would put in her order, her footsteps slowly fading away. “You’re not getting anything?” Camila asked expectantly, feeling a bit awkward that she would be the only one eating. 

He smiled at her, biting back the urge to tell her his normal lies. “I don’t really eat.” He said, his eyes meeting hers.

She nodded slowly, she of course understood. After being diagnosed she had lost the majority of her appetite, not looking forward to the nausea that would follow after a large meal. However, the look of mischief in his eyes said more. Like she was missing the point of his words. Like there was some kind of inside joke and she found herself sinking deeper and deeper into his eyes. Then it hit her. “Your eyes.” She said suddenly. “They’re really dark. They were almost gold before.” 

He clenched his jaw slightly, pushing himself to not look away from her. The waitress’ blood had no doubt caused his eyes to darken in hunger, and he hoped it wouldn’t scare her away. But still, he pushed on, knowing that the more truth that he offered her the faster she would piece the puzzle together. The more time they would have together. No hiding. “They do that.” He stated. 

Camila sent him a small smile. Yet again there was that little voice in the back of her head, telling her that there was something more to his words. But she wouldn’t question it. Not today. Not when she was too busy being relieved that he had promised to keep her secret. “Thanks for the food.” She said, smile still lingering on her lips.

Jasper couldn’t help but beam back at her, only hoping that the sight of his teeth wouldn’t scare her away like he knew that they should. “Of course, Darlin'. Need to make sure you’re fed.” He said, smirking slightly as he heard the sputtering of her heart at that ‘damn word’ again. Yeah she definitely liked it. “And I thought it may help with the mental distress of this whole conversation.” He admitted.

She bit her lip bashfully at his words. Here she was thinking that was so skilled at hiding her emotions when apparently she had been wearing them on her sleeve the entire time. “So it was that obvious, huh?”

He snickered lightly. “The crippling anxiety? Yeah. I guess I’m just good at reading people, you could say.” He smirked, looking down from her eyes momentarily as he shifted slightly in his seat. It was going to take some getting used to, being so open about himself around a human when he was used to being closed off completely.

“Like an empath.”

His eyes shot back up to her as his mind reeled at her words. He wasn’t sure if she was serious or joking, but either way, he knew it was okay. The end goal was for her to know, so there was no use in panicking at what she had said. He swallowed thickly, pushing a smile back on his face. “Yeah… exactly like that.” 

——————

Unfortunately, as much as she wished that she could spend the whole day alone with Jasper, Camila knew that they would have to return to the school as they would be taking a biology field trip during the second half of the day. After a few hours of hogging the small table all to themselves, laughing, smiling, and just overall enjoying each other’s company, they knew it was time to leave, so they reluctantly returned to the car. 

She hadn’t exactly realized how long they had been gone until they pulled into the school parking lot, seeing the two school busses already parked in front. Students swarmed the busses as they murmured excitedly. Not for the field trip itself, but for the opportunity to miss the rest of their classes for the day. Parking, Camila quickly stepped out of the vehicle, trying to ignore the stares of others around them as they realized the two had been together off campus just minutes before.

Jasper fell in stride by her side as they joined the rest of the group. “Make sure I get your permission slips.” Mr Molina yelled over the crowd of students, ushering them onto the buses. Glancing over and seeing Alice watching expectantly, Jasper lead Camila over to her, knowing that she had expected him to introduce her officially to the human.

“Camila, this is my sister. She wanted to meet you officially.” He said, slightly agitated that his time alone with her had come to an end. 

Alice smiled brightly at the girl. “Hi, I’m Alice.” She said cheerfully as she pulled the girl in for a hug. Camila tried to hold back her shock as she slowly lifted her arms to reciprocate her hug. She wasn’t uncomfortable, in fact the hug was actually quite nice, but still a bit unexpected. To Camila’s surprise, the girls skin held no warmth, the coolness contracting nicely with her feverish body.

Jasper rolled his eyes at his adopted sister. “Alice.” He chided, slightly annoyed the display in front of him. He knew he had nothing to worry about when it came to Alice, but it still made him oddly jealous. “You’re going to smother her.” He mumbled irritatedly. He of course knew what Alice was doing. She had no doubt seen what he had been not so subtly trying to hint at and this hug was her way of helping him. Showing off the lack of warmth in her touch would be just another clue to the puzzle.

The immortal girl pulled away from the embrace finally, blinding smile still present. “Don’t worry Jazz, I can already see we’re going to be great friends.” She said cheerfully. “Now I’m going to go grab a seat by Edward, I’ll see you two there.” She said sending the two a wink before rushing off onto the bus.

Jasper sighed, turning to face the frail girl next to him. “Sorry about her she gets a bit… excited.” He said.

“It’s okay, she’s cute.” Camila said, snickering lightly. She really didn’t mind, even if the whole situation still weirded her out a bit. Alice was clearly a very sweet and genuine person, and if she was willing to be her friend, even knowing that Camila would die sooner rather than later, she would gladly grasp at that opportunity. 

She had plenty of friends in the past leave her because of her illness. The happiness had been sucked out of their friendships, the only thing the were able to focus on being her cancer. They treated her as if she couldn’t enjoy what little bit of her life she had left just because she knew it was ending. She didn’t want the constant sympathy anymore, the constant sadness and if Alice was willing to put herself in that situation knowingly, she could tell that they would become great friends. 

Jasper smiled, feeling her happiness and comfort. He was glad to see that she hadn’t become overwhelmed, although he should’ve known better than to doubt Alice. He should’ve known that she would say the exact right words. She always did. The smile didn’t waver from his face as he lead Camila onto the bus.  

——————

January 28th, 2005

The end of Camila’s first week had finally arrived. Exhaustion began to set in, luck being in store as lunch had finally arrived. Camila sat there at her usual table, trying to muster the strength and appetite to eat her food that was beginning to grow cold. Twirling the thin strands of pasta around her fork, she brought the bite to mouth and began to chew the unsavory food. Grimacing slightly, she resisted the urge to spit the mushed up pasta out. She needed the nutrients, she knew this, but that didn’t make it any easier to actually eat the food. 

Looking up from her tray, her eyes connected with Jasper’s. He gave her a small wave, the corners of his lips lifting slightly. The two hadn’t talked much since the impromptu cafe trip a few days previous, having been busy with their classes. She had seen him in calculus, as usual, but of course as always, by the end of the school day she was worn out and just ready for sleep. 

“Camila?” A voice said, abruptly breaking her gaze away from those Amber eyes. She looked to the owner expectantly, waiting for them to continue. “La Push, baby. You in?” Eric asked.

Her eyebrows quirked in question, not at all understanding what he was getting at. She looked over to Bella wondering if she understood. She looked just as confused. “Should I know what that means?” Bella asked Camila.

She laughed lightly, glad to see that she wasn’t the only one confused. “Your guess is as good as mine.” She answered, looking back to the boy for an explanation. 

“La Push beach, down on the Quileute rez. We’re all going tomorrow afternoon. Big swell coming in.” Mike explained. 

Eric beamed a bright smile. “And I don’t just surf the internet.” He joked lamely. Camila snickered, shaking her head in shame at the joke. 

Jessica scoffed. “Eric, you stood up once. On a foam board.” She clarified, rolling her eyes. 

“There’s whale watching, too. Come with.” Angela said, trying to convince the two girls to accompany the group on their trip. 

Eric nudged Camila on the shoulder, smile unwavering. “La Push, baby.” He said again.

Bella let out a groan. “I’ll go if you stop saying that.” She bargained, laughing lightly.

Eric smiled in success, turning back to Camila. “What about you Cam?” He asked.

Camila lulled it over in her mind. She knew that it probably wasn’t the best idea to go, considering that it was the middle of the winter in Washington, and most likely, her parents wouldn’t let her go even if she wanted to. She shook her head, an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry, I should probably stay home. I’ve got a bunch of homework to finish.” She lied, trying her best to sound believable.

Eric’s smile dropped at her words, a frown replacing it. “Awww, can’t you just do your homework later?” He pushed. She shook her head in response, giving an apologetic smile, slightly annoyed that he wouldn’t just take no for an answer.

Lunch dragged on as she slowly ate away at her food. The daily trip to the cafeteria was like a blessing and curse, she had thought. While it was great to get a brief break from the physical and mental exertion of the day, it also made it that much harder to seem normal to everyone else around her. Any other time, she would push off eating, usually having the best luck with taking supplement pills and drinking protein shakes, those making her the least nauseas. However, she knew that would look odd to her new friends. If she stuck to only those options, it would be only a matter of time before they noticed something was up. With her luck, they would think she had an eating disorder or something.

Finally, the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. She pulled herself to a stand, as she grabbed her picked over food tray. She pushed her aching muscles forwards the cafeteria doors, dumping her tray into one of the awaiting trash cans when a tall dark silhouette rushed to her side. 

“Camila.” Tyler greeted, slinging an arm around her shoulders. The action caused pain to shoot down her spine and she had to bite her tongue in an attempt to stop herself from wincing. Tyler had made a point that week to be as friendly as possible, and even though more than just the pain of his action was making her uncomfortable, she didn’t want to come off rude. 

“Tyler.” She greeted back, trying her best to keep the grimace off of her face.  He was just being nice and friendly, that was all. 

“I was wondering.” He started, pausing for what she could only imagine was dramatic effect. “Prom?” He asked somewhat randomly, a wide grin spreading across his face. 

Camila’s mind reeled. Was that really how he was going to ask? She wouldn’t have said yes anyway, not being interested in going to prom at all, much less with Tyler Crowley, but that really was a terrible way of asking. She got along with him well, sure, but she didn’t want to date him. 

“Can’t.” She said, voice filled with fake regret. She tried to quickly come up with an excuse for her denial. She definitely couldn’t use homework again. “I… already have plans with someone. Not prom related.” She said awkwardly. 

The smile dropped from his face, disappointment replacing it, clear as day. “With who? You can’t reschedule? I mean it’s prom.” He tried to reason. 

Fuck. She hadn’t thought that far ahead. Clearly, she wasn’t very good at coming up with excuses and clearly, these boys weren’t good at just taking no for an answer. A normal person would’ve just taken the rejection and left, but of course Tyler and Eric had to be persistent. She thought quickly of someone who she could explain the whole situation to the easiest. “Jasper. Do you know him?” She asked casually. Surely Jasper would understand why she had added him in on her scheme, especially since he had seemed so respectful in keeping her secret in tact previously. 

Tyler’s eyes widened slightly. “Jasper Hale? Yeah I know of him.” He said incredulously. What was she doing with that weirdo? He had seen the two together before the biology field trip, but had thought it was some weird fluke, but now she was scheduling dates with him? 

——————

“I didn’t know we had plans for prom night.” Jasper said casually once she had sat herself down at their shared table in calculus later that day.

She groaned at his words. How had he possibly heard? Did Tyler talk to him? Surely not. She knew the majority of the school would never willingly put themselves in a conversation with anyone from the family, since they usually seemed very intimidating. So that only left him hearing the conversation, and there was no way that had happened. She had seen him across the room, much too far away, when Tyler had came up to her. Maybe he had some kind of super hearing?

She pushed the rushing thoughts aside, trying not to get too caught up in the mystery. “Sorry.” She murmured. “I just needed an excuse out.” She reasoned. Jasper of course knew the reason that she had came up with the ‘date’ in the first place, but he did find himself slightly disappointed that she did not, in fact, want to go on a date with the ‘Cullen weirdo’. 

“It’s okay.” He reassured her, because it was okay. He knew that she didn’t mean it maliciously, just knowing that he knew the truth of why she couldn’t go. “Out of curiosity though, is it just because of you know what that you said no? Or would you have said yes otherwise?” He asked. 

He couldn’t help himself from asking. The question had been racing through his mind since lunch and he knew it was because of jealousy. That much was obvious, hell, he was jealous when Alice hugged her. However, he also knew that he had no right to be jealous. She in no way belonged to him, even if Alice had seen them together as mates. In reality, she didn’t owe him anything, and as much as it pained him to watch, if that’s how she wanted to spend the remainder of her life, he knew he would support her through it every step of the way.

Camila blushed lightly in embarrassment, causing the burn in his throat to intensify slightly. “Well, more than that, I guess.” She said. “Three reasons really. One, you know what. Two, he asked me in a terrible way and I’m not at all interested anyway. Three, no dating for me. It’s one of few rules I have for myself.” She murmured lowly, trying to keep her voice down so others wouldn’t hear her. 

His heart, if it had still been beating, would’ve leapt at the news that she didn’t not like Tyler in that way. However, almost immediately after, his chest ached for her. He could feel her sadness with the confession and it pained him to realize that she was afraid of growing too close to someone. He wanted to press the topic, to sooth her discomfort, but he knew that now was not the right time. 

Jasper sat up a bit straighter in his chair, an idea coming to mind. “Would you maybe want to hang out tomorrow? We could go somewhere or stay in, whatever you want.” He suggested, nerves filling his chest once more. 

As Camila sat there, mulling the invite over in her mind, she took note that the anxiety she had felt when invited to the beach, was nowhere to be seen. Jasper made her comfortable, and she wasn’t sure if that was because of him knowing her secret, or something else entirely. 

What she did know, is that she definitely wanted to get to know him more. To figure out what made him so different from the rest. To piece together all of the confusing details that he had shared with her.

She sucked in a breath and spoke. “I’d love to.”

Next Chapter

Tag List:

@itsmytimetoodream @jasper-the-beloved @parkchaeyoung1997 @bobaopal @izzyisstuff @soyeonrai @just-browsing101 @demirunner @dkbj14 @iloveramensm @imyelenasexual @bella7866 @ropickle

#bella swan #edward cullen #twilight #twilight smut #eventual smut #slow burn #charlie swan #leah clearwater #twilight saga #esme cullen #eclipse #jasper hale fic #jasper whitlock #jasper hale #jacob black #jasper #bella cullen #jasper hale fluff #forks washington #jasper hale x reader #jasper hale smut #jasper x reader

[maochira]

can you write headcanons or a short drabble (whichever one you like better) for Baro (and maybe chigiri and kunigami as well) seeing their s/o cry for the first time? so like fluff with a lil angst maybe? thatd be so cool, love you <3!!!

Ilyt anon!! I added Zantetsu because he's my platonic boyfriend, and also Tokimitsu because he deserves to have more written for him,,

Requests open! - current writing event - masterlist

Characters: Barou, Chigiri, Kunigami, Zantetsu, Tokimitsu

Tags: gn!reader x boyfriend!character, lots of comfort, fluff

Barou has no idea what to do or say as soon as he sees tears rolling down your cheeks. He's seen you full of emotions before, but this is his first time seeing you cry. He thinks any words he'd say right now would come off as too harsh, and he doesn't want to make you feel worse. He pulls you into a soft hug and gently strokes your hair until you calm down. He remains silent until you've calmed down completely, and even then he doesn't talk until you're the first to speak again. But when he talks again, he finally figured out what to say to make you feel better. Barou's voice is always softer when talking to you, compared to the way he talks to other people, but in this moment you can hear how he's putting effort into being extra gentle with you.

The moment he sees you tear up, Chigiri grabs your hand and pulls you closer to him. He lets you cry a bit before he asks you what's wrong. His voice is gentle and he makes sure to not make you feel pressured. He listens to you vent about what drags you down. He doesn't have a solution for your problem, but he's there to listen and support you. You get a little ashamed about crying in front of your boyfriend, but Chigiri reassures you that he'd rather have you cry and break down in front of him than you hiding your emotions from him. As much as it pains his heart to see you sad like this, he would hate it if he found out you're feeling awful but felt too afraid to tell him.

Kunigami didn't expect you to cry so suddenly, but he knows a lot of things have been dragging you down recently. But this is a kind of situation you've never talked about what to do, so he's a bit clueless for the first few seconds. He can't stand the sight of seeing you sad like this. He gently grabs your cheek to raise your head and kisses your tears away until you feel better. When you've calmed down enough to talk, he listens to you vent for as long as you need. Kunigami puts a lot of effort into helping you to find a solution to your problem and how to deal with the negative feelings related to it. He makes sure you know you can always come to him if needed, because he's your hero and he'll save you from any pain possible.

Zantetsu is as clueless as ever when you start crying. He knows he has to make you feel better, but he has no idea how. He always ends up saying something stupid, and right now he really doesn't want that to happen. He gets so lost in thought about what to do, it makes you feel like he doesn't care about your crying. When you ask him about that, Zantetsu immediately reassures you that he cares a lot. He pulls you into a hug and says the next best thing comforting that comes to his mind. Of course, he messes something up, but it makes you laugh a little. It confuses Zantetsu for a moment, but he smiles softly as he realizes he made you laugh even though you're in tears.

As soon as you start crying, Tokimitsu blames himself for it. He's not the reason for your crying, but he thinks he could have prevented it. He panics for a moment, but he quickly snaps back to reality when he hears your sobs. Tokimitsu doesn't even know how to make himself feel better, so he struggles to figure out how to comfort you. He quickly gets a tissue and wipes your tears away. He tries to reassure you that everything is going to be okay and speaks in his regular anxious voice. That makes you hear how worried he is about you right now. Knowing he cares so much makes you feel a bit better. But Tokimitsu thinks his talking doesn't do much, so he stops speaking and pulls you into a hug instead. Being in his arms makes you feel so protected, it makes you stop crying almost instantly.

#bllk #blue lock #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #bllk x you #bllk headcanons #blue lock headcanons #blue lock scenarios #bllk scenarios #shouei barou #barou shouei #barou x reader #barou x you #shouei barou x you #shouei barou x reader #chigiri hyoma #hyoma chigiri #chigiri x reader #chigiri x you #kunigami x reader #kunigami x you #rensuke kunigami #kunigami rensuke #zantetsu tsurugi #tsurugi zantetsu #zantetsu x reader #zantetsu x you #tsurugi zantetsu x reader #aoshi tokimitsu #tokimitsu aoshi

[dsireland86]

The Things We Could Never Change

PART 2 OF THERE IS BEAUTY IN THE PAIN

Chapter 1

tags: @lma1986 @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @missduffsblog @bngurngheart @thatamazingvampirestory @myownthoughts12 @badomensls

If you would like to be added to the tag list let me know :)

****warnings: sexual content and language

NOAH AND SOPHIE HAVE MOVED ON FROM THE PAIN AND FOUND THE BEAUTY THAT COMES THROUGH TRUST AND LOVE.THE PAST IS NEVER REALLY THE PAST AND THE FUTURE IS UNKNOW.THE ONLY THING THEY BELIEVE IN IS THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE OTHER THAT THET'RE SCARED TO LOOSE BECAUSE THEY KNOW THEY'LL NEVER FIND IT IN ANYONE ELSE.MAYBE LOVE REALLY IS THE DEATH OF PEACE OF MIND.

--Link to Chapter 2 Pt.1 at the bottom--

Sophie:

It was going to take some time for me to adapt to this new life, this new way of thinking, and accept what was happening to me was authentic. 

Because of all the years of mental and physical abuse I suffered at the hands of a man who I thought loved me, all the damage that had been done to my mind and my emotions was worse than I imagined. I was closed off, became scared, and untrusting about Noah's true intentions for me. I became mean; even aggressive at times, and that would usually lead to fights and arguments that were never intentional.

Later I would come to my senses, realizing what I'd done, and when I looked for him, hoping he would accept my apologies, I always found him; arms opened ready to hold me and tell me that it was okay and that he understood, refusing to admit if I'd hurt him. Noah had become my saving grace. 

But I knew better than to believe him. Noah was a pro at masking his pain which always made me feel worse. I was creating wounds in him; wounds he didn't deserve, yet he always begged me to stay. He never pushed me away or made me feel like anything I did was my fault and I couldn't understand why. To me, at certain times, giving someone a second chance was like giving them an extra bullet for the gun they held to your heart because they didn't hit you hard enough the first time. I didn't want that to be the case with me and Noah. I didn't want to be the reason for any of his pain.

We were together, making it clear we didn't anyone else. He didn't want to see me with anyone else, and I didn't feel safe with anyone else. I loved the way Noah cared for me and his overprotectiveness never bothered me. I welcomed it, with open arms and a grateful heart. 

To the public we were nothing. No one ever noticed anything and we liked it that way. But to the band and crew, his family, Noah made sure they knew and they liked it that way. It was crazy how quickly they become my family too and helped fix the parts of me I thought were too fucked up to be fixed.

Noah became my everything and as each day passed, I found myself falling harder for him; something I thought would never be possible. What was growing between us was more than just a passing feeling or satisfactory highs; it was deeper, stronger, almost ethereal. He had become my safe place, my tower, and the daily reminder that even though I lived through hell for a good part of my life, heaven was achievable. I just had to be patient. 

______________________________________________________________

I could feel his tall, dominant presence before I even felt his long arms snake around my body, pulling me in closer to him. My bottom hung halfway off the stool I was sitting on and I knew that if he let go of me, I would fall flat on my back. But I had faith in Noah; I trusted him, more than I trusted myself, so I let myself relax, laying my head against his hard chest and allowing his long, spider-like fingers to inch their way under my shirt in search of the soft flesh at the top they were looking for. I forced back moans that were begging to escape, refusing to give Noah the satisfaction of knowing how badly I wanted him at the moment. My skin was burning, my heart was racing, and my sex was aching to feel him. I didn't care who was in the house at that moment. I needed Noah now.

"You feel like fucking heaven under my fingertips, Princess," Noah whispered in my ear, trailing hungry kisses from my jaw to my collarbone. "And you smell so fucking good. I want to eat every part of you," lightly dragging his tongue over my skin and nipping every inch that his lips came in contact with. This time I uttered a soft moan after hearing the pet name he gave me the very first time we were intimate on that gray couch in his studio. The things he did to me that day, the way he made me feel; just thinking about it did things to me and the proof was right between my legs. 

Noah groaned, deep and low, pulling me back into the moment as he nuzzled my neck.

"Oh baby, fuck girl you've got me so hard right now I just want to devour you," Noah growled, finally moving his hand under my sports bra to message the pebble flesh beneath it. I bucked when his fingers pinched my nipple, causing me to bite my lower lip harder than I meant to and I hissed. 

"You okay?" he asked leaning over and meeting my cheek with his. 

"Yeah," I huffed a small laugh, throwing my hand behind his head and pushing his face closer to mine. 

"I want your lips and your tongue in my mouth," I demanded. Turning my head to look at him partially, Noah smiled and kissed the tip of my nose before touching my lips with his fingertips, sliding them down my throat, and landing on the soft mound of my breast. He squeezed, making me grunt, and continued making his way down until it slid under the waistband of my sweats.  

"I want these lips," he muttered, reaching further down until he found what he was looking for. I drew in a deep breath when I felt his fingers graze over my middle, causing me to whimper, "I wanna feel how wet you are for me," rubbing my sex with his hand, pushing hard against it and making the muscles in my thighs tighten around his hand. I cried out, overwhelmed by the feeling he was creating in me.

Noah wasn't wasting any time in letting me know what he wanted, and I could tell by the urgent way his fingers grabbed at the flesh between my thighs, gripping and stroking, that this was all a way for him to cover up something that his mind was having a hard time processing. And because he wasn't good with using his emotions or words, he needed me to help; that's why he came to me like this; flustered yet sensual enough to not make me not feel like a toy. 

"Are you okay," I asked softly, locking my fingers around the one hand he still had locked tight under my shirt. His cheek rested against the side of my head and the pressure of his clenched jaw told me he was holding back words.

"How do you do that? How do you know when I'm not alright?"

His voice quivered, giving away his softer side, and my heart suddenly hurt. Something was wrong and he needed a distraction.

Without speaking and no longer interested in answering his question, I reached behind me and brought my hands to his neck, sliding them up the sides, behind the back of his head, and through his freshly cut hair, tugging him down a little more so I could have access to his lips. 

Noah's quiet moans were my weakness. They had become my validation that I was good at making him happy and satisfied, and as I slid my tongue into his mouth and tasted the faint flavor of mint, they got a little louder.

"I like the taste of your lips," I mumbled in between kisses and felt his lips curl up into what I knew to be his precious smile.  

His body tightened around me, his hand between my thighs squeezing my sex some more and making me squirm.

"Noah, please...," I begged. The coiling tension between us was too much and I was losing my will to fight him with every move he made on my body. "You know I hate it when you tease me like this."

"If you hate it so much, then why are you moaning for me?" he cooed, stroking my neck with his fingers, before wrapping them lightly around it, squeezing.

"Shit, Noah, please,"  

I swallowed hard, despite the grip he had on my throat, my nerves on fire, quickly losing all composure. Noah, once again, had me chasing my climax.

"Please, what baby? What do you want from me?" releasing the chokehold on my neck and circling a spot on the side with his finger. Leaning down he sucked on my skin so hard that I winced. He already knew what I wanted; he always did.

"You want me to touch you?" once he was satisfied with the mark he left on me.

I nodded.

His fingers finally worked their way under my panties, tugging them aside, and sliding between my wet folds, stroking the very spot he knew would have me begging for his mercy. 

"Say it, princess, tell me what you want me to do." Noah's plea sounded just as desperate as mine. 

I was panting, completely ruined and vulnerable in Noah's hands, and he knew exactly what he was doing and if he didn't touch me soon, I would make him. 

"Please t-t-touch me, Noah, fuck please," I whined, tightening my grip around his neck

He huffed a small laugh and hugged me tighter.

"What, like this, is this what you want," sliding one long finger deep between the crevices of folds and pushing into me.

 I softly cried out, dropping my hands from around his neck and wrapping them around his legs, digging my nails into the tender flesh of his thighs, as his fingers pumped in and out of the center of my pleasure. 

Noah drew in a short breath through his teeth, removing his hand from under my shirt and wrapping it around my throat again.

"Is that your mark on me, baby?"

"Maybe."

"Your nails fucking hurt."

Noah's wet lips crashed into mine and our tongues met, starving for the taste of one another's. The sounds that escaped me; soft whimpers, short, breathless moans, were different than times before; they were desperate and dangerous.

 "I guess we're even then. Sucking my skin isn't as comfortable as you might think," I sassed, meeting his eyes. They were dark and firey, threatening something more than what he was already doing to me. 

"That's it, I'm gonna make you fucking cum for me," he growled, grabbing my hand and pulling it back behind me so hard that I yelped. 

"Oh shit, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't me," 

"I'm fine, Noah. I'm fine. Please, just keep going. Finish me off."

He was concerned, worried he'd hurt me or triggered some painful memory. But the difference between when Noah was rough and when Perry was rough was that Noah only wanted to please me whereas Perry only wanted to hurt me.

Taking my hand, more gentle this time, he placed it on his hard cock that was pressed firmly against my back. 

"That's where your hand stays until I make you cum. If you remove it, I stop," sliding another finger inside me and using his thumb to make the magic circles he knew would have me cuming on his fingers in a matter of seconds. I completely collapsed into him, throwing my head back against his chest, so that he was the only thing keeping me up. His fingers slid in and out of me, thrusting so far up I could see stars, making me cry out in the most satisfying way possible, as his fingers continued curling and twisting inside me 

"Shit, Sophie, I can feel you, God you're so fucking wet for me," he panted, throwing his hand to my neck once more, but this time squeezing hard. My oxygen was suppressed and as Noah continued plunging his two long fingers in and out of me, my vision began to grow hazy, but I never removed my hand. I grabbed what I could and pressed him tighter in my hand slightly moving his length around. 

Noah's moans hit me right in my soaking wet core.

"I know. Please don't stop Noah. You've got me, I'm almost there," I cried breathlessly, rolling my hips to make him go deeper.

"I love making you feel this way, Sophie. I love knowing I'm the only one who gets to watch you fuck my fingers like this." My cries were closer together and I knew was just about there. 

"And when you're ready, inside of your walls is where I want to be, thrusting my cock inside the tight folds of your broken mind and penetrating the sweet softness that is you, until I release all my love deep inside you. I'll fuck every part of him out of your mind Sophie."

Crying out Noah's name savagely, I found his lips and attacked them like a ravaged animal as tears slid down my cheeks, my climax almost reaching its end.

"Cum on me, Princess, so I can taste you!"

That was all the encouragement I needed. With one more hard thrust onto his fingers, my orgasm hit me so hard, that nothing but a string of curses came out of my mouth.

"Fuck." Noah bit my earlobe, pulling it between his lips and then letting his lips fall to my cheek and then my neck. "You look so beautiful when you cum." He squeezed me tighter as his breath caught in his throat. He was trembling, the strain of holding up both himself and my body all at once, seemed to be playing a part.   

I was utterly breathless and my legs were shaking terribly that trying to form a proper thought seemed impossible at the moment. Noah's chest heaved in and out against me, and the groaning that followed told me that I wasn't the only one who found their release. Once Noah slid his fingers out of me, I suddenly felt so empty, longing to be filled with him again. 

"I love the way you taste, baby," smiling against my face, "so sweet and all mine." I grinned shyly, still not used to his praise when it came to sexual intercourse. Perry never gave me praise.

"All yours?" I felt Noah's body tighten and a brief moment of silence passed. 

"I want it to be all mine; all of you. I want all of you Sophie." He kissed my cheek, sparking the urge for more of him inside me. 

Sitting up and turning around to finally face him, I met Noah's sweet face. His eyes were still dark, showing the remaining signs of his arousal, but fuck, he was gorgeous. His hair was disheveled and his lips were wrecked, but everything else was perfect. I laid both my hands on the sides of his face and gently tasted his lips, tasting a little of myself on his tongue. I groaned, shifting my bottom to sit, and wrapped my legs around him, pulling him close not caring at all about the mess that was covering his shorts.   

"See what you fucking do to me?" Noah praised. Smiling against his lips, he ran my hands through his hair, laying them around his neck. 

"God, you're so unbelievably fucking beautiful, you know that, don't you?" I shook my head, refusing to meet his eyes. 

"Hey, look at me," taking my chin between his thumb and finger, turning my face towards him. 

"You are," he roused, his lips pressing together to form his intoxicating smile that made me melt. I covered my face with my hands, hoping Noah didn't see how red he made my cheeks. But he pulled them down, taking both of them in one of his, and bringing them to his chest.

"Don't, don't ever cover your face, especially from me. You've spent too much of your life hiding that beautiful face because of...." 

Noah didn't like talking about my past abuse any more than I did. When it did come up, he got aggressive about it, and I prayed he and Perry never had a face-to-face.

"Well, you know, just because," he said, brushing my hair back, away from my face.  

"Just so that you remember, you're the one who said I needed more time before we decided to have sex, not me."

I reached over and slid my fingers across his cheek until it rested in the palm of my hand. Noah had the sweetest heart, but it carried a lot of pain and secrets. I knew, with time as he promised, he would tell me those pains and secrets. Until then, all I could do was love him the way he needed to be loved.

"I'm ready Noah, I'm ready for you to have all of me. You said you wanted it, well, it's yours." 

I never thought I would see the kind of relief on Noah's face that I saw then. It was like a dark cloud suddenly passed over him, allowing the sun to shine.  

Leaning in and kissing me quickly, he stood up reaching for me to join him. 

Our lips found each other's, pulling one another in. We broke apart, smiles stretching over both our faces, only to go back in for seconds.

"I'm going to go change. When I come back down, do you want to order food and watch "Demon Slayer" "?

"Absolutely," I giggled, smiling like a schoolgirl. 

Noah shot me a wink before running upstairs.

I took the extra time I had to clean up the kitchen and straighten up the bar, putting things back in order. Eventually, Noah came down, but he was no longer in the same happy mood as before. 

"Babe, what's wrong?" 

He didn't answer, didn't even look up at me.

I went over to him, hoping it was nothing serious, and froze the instant I saw the look on his face. 

"Noah, what's wrong?"

He took a deep breath as if he was about to speak, but changed his mind.

"Nothing," shaking his head and walking past me.

"What the hell? What do you mean by nothing? Your face says differently. Noah!"

"Just forget it okay? Where's the menu for the Chinese place? I'm going to order food." 

"Stop brushing me off!" I ordered. "I know something's going on."

Noah finally faced me. He looked very angry, yet I could see the pain he was fighting to hide. 

"Noah, please talk to me. Don't shut me out; not when I've been so honest with you and you've seen just about every demon of mine." I was willing to beg him, pleading for him to open up and talk to me. 

Running his hands through his hair, Noah huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fuck! I was hoping this would never happen! I don't fucking understand. Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me!"

I was wrong; Noah wasn't angry; he was fucking pissed.

"Sophie, Matt called me. I need to tell you about Sarah." My heart started pounding "Who's Sarah?" Noah clenched his teeth together and I knew he was reluctant to tell me.

"Noah… who is Sarah?" "She was part of our crew early on; was with us for a few years." "Okay," I said slowly, not following. "Fuck! She's my ex-fiancé, Sophie." My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. "What?" I was confused as hell. Noah nor anyone else had ever mentioned an ex-fiancé. "I didn't know…" "Yeah, a lot of people didn't. It wasn't a long engagement."

Somehow, I was able to see past the confusion for a moment and notice how bad this whole mess was affecting Noah. "What happened?" I asked, going over to him, but not touching him. Sometimes, Noah just needed space. He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head and squeezing his eyes shut. He was fighting back tears. Finally, I reached out and laid a hand on his arm. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me now." "I'm sorry. I should have told to sooner," taking my hand and pulling me into his embrace. "Told me what?" He paused to lick his lips, looking down at me. "Somehow, someone fucked up and hired her back on as crew for the new tour." "So, she's working for you?" He gave a half shrug. "Sort of, yeah." I breathed in deep, letting it out slowly.

Wrapping my arms around him, I laid my head on Noah's chest. The sound of his heartbeat calmed me. Ever since the first night he held me through my panic attack, the sound became a solace for me. "It's okay, baby. We'll get through this." "We?" I nodded, looking up at him. "I'm not going anywhere, Noah." "No?" he whispered, caressing my face with his long, tattooed fingers. My body melted into him and I became putty in his hands. "No. I'm staying right here until you tell me to leave." Sliding his hand behind my head, Noah lowered his face and took my lips in his, kissing me softly and slowly, while his other hand found its way to my bottom. I gasped, smiling into his lips when he squeezed my left cheek.

"You're never leaving me," he said when we parted. "No?" taking his chin between my fingers and pecking his lips. He shook his head. "Sophie, I'd love it if we told people we're together. I want to make it official." My heart did that weird flip-flop thing and I couldn't help my grin. "Me too." "You wanna be only mine?" his eyes flashing with excitement as a lopsided grip appeared over his mouth. "I thought I already was," I chuckled. "Are you a jealous man, Noah?" giving him a questioning look. "I am, especially when it comes to you." I smiled, running my fingers through his hair, savoring the delicious moan that fell from his lips. "Sophie," "Hmm…" "I think I love you…" "Think?" "….. …… ….. let's just say a ninety-nine percent chance." I threw my arms around Noah's neck, smiling like a silly little schoolgirl. "I think I love you too, Noah."

CHAPTER 2 PT.1

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian fanfiction #nick folio fanfiction #bad omens fanfiction #nick folio #bad omens #bad omens cult #bad omens band #jolly karlsson #nicholas ruffilo #fanfic

[unhinged-comics-scree]

⁺˚⋆｡°✩₊ Weekly Bravern Madness Post ₊✩°｡⋆˚⁺

Episode 11 Spoilers ahead, naturally

I'm actually on my second watch since we found out our water heater is leaking so that was a whole thing so not quite first impressions but that's literally me screencapping every scene and screaming so probably better this way

Okay important things about me to consider for my lens as I go through this

I think Isami is so so so cute. I'll probably make a cute Isami screencaps post as a separate thing. His gap moe is so cute. I love his stern face. I think Smith is great too but I love the focus reshifting to Isami. Anyway. He's so cute

In terms of Smith as Bravern I guess I view it as the reverse too? I don't really know how to explain it but I guess in Japanese there's tags for Smith + Isami (Sumiisa) and Bravern + Isami (Braisa?) and in my head it's all Sumiisa. Like he may look like a giant robot but he's still Smith, if that makes sense.

Second watch bonuses: realizing why she reacts this way at his mention ;-;

Right away, I guess I got my beach episode! I love that Isami and Lulu have Bravern brand summer clothes. I hope they come out as merch. It comes up rarely eg. the boxing shoes from ep 5 have the (Burn?) Bravern specific emblem on them and I just think it's so cute. Like yeah Bravern probably printed them just for these instances and I wish we got enough show to see it in action.

I actually got so emotional at the end of episode 9 when the OP starts playing without the lyrics and this showing up with the ED music is phenomenal. Extra delicious that it starts with part of the full version of the ED that's not in the normal ending.

I also love this because the other two emotional moments where it's like, starting something but not completing it are the after boxing scene and when Isami is crying into Lewis' shirt (okay this can easily be assumed to fill out as "I wanted the two of us to save the world together" but what else did you want to do with hiiiiim). The shipper mind wants to fill it in with some love confession and then!!!

After the like, back and forth name stuff (which parallels the Lulu + Superbia fusion) I was like, pre-emptively bracing for some kind of goofy baiting/played for laughs thing but no he goes for it!!

I actually have a collection of any instance of Isami with any amount of coloring on his cheeks and I've been lamenting that the only full blush moments are when he gets the asian flush drinking but aaaaah so cute. Also he looks so young here! He's 24 he should be falling in love!

Also I'm like, actually really impressed about this scene technically because It's just a really good looking turnaround animation. With Bravern he's 3D so whatever but isami looks good from every angle!

The artist who adds the extra effects like bloom and color tweaks on scenes occasionally tweets out their before and afters and I really hope we get this scene where they point out they added plush, kissable lips onto Bravern.

I reblogged a post about it but I do really love that Isami isn't like, disgusted or pushing him away or anything. Not even grateful Lulu interrupted it. Maybe he's actually disappointed she interrupted.

I know it sets ups the symbolic washing away of it but in case there was any ambiguity to the nature of this love:

There's some discussion across japanese twitter about how you're not supposed to do some line in the middle but based on some cursory stuff I'm not sure how common that thought process is. Also Bravern isn't that much of a pro in Japanese culture (even a lot of JP twitter was confused at his proud "This is OMIAI!").

If you aren't involved in Twitter, a comment people like to point out is that they specifically hired a Food Coordinator for this episode lol. I took a bunch of caps of it but between this and Isami's "we need to eat to be strong enough to save everyone" talk I need to do my Dunmeshi + Bravern food as strength and love post.

Anyway I'm obsessed with the fact that Bravern doesn't need to eat but actually has a mouth which reminds me of this tweet my sister brought to me

Naturally, his mouth is for kissing, Among other things.

Okay honestly the food bit is so weird I was kind of worried the entire first half of the episode turns out to be a dream sequence.

I need to set this as my desktop background or something. I think it's really cute that they added/implied that Isami and Bravern are now a cutesy couple rather than Isami being all weird about the love confession.

THIS! Is the point in the post I realize that watching while typing these up leads to me just doing a play by play which isn't really much of anything. I promise the rest of the post isn't just as long even though we're only halfway through the episode.

(Hey, timeskip OP here. This might be a lie)

Lulu + Superbia symbol! It's cute and has a really nice mix of being similar but opposite in it's own way.

I am obsessed with Segnitas being too lazy to fight and honestly I think he's so cute. The interrupting the fusion is kinda expected for a a show with every bit being in universe but it's still a good gag. I'm glad he is around to make commentary until his true death.

I kind of expected the Bravern + Superbia fight to be an episode 2 thing but I guess we won't have the time for that given the end of this episode. Triple shoutout to my Wednesday post by having the "You can get fulfillment from living!", seeing a callback to Lulu's kick and basically having an awesome fight.

Okay ending time. I have a lot of thoughts but one of the ones as I was watching was just.. He can't eat but he can bleed (and cry)? Actually considering that he explodes it's probably oil or something. Like obvs he isn't going to explode into purple triangles like everyone else but oofda. I am all sorts of sad about this but one thing that gets me is that Bravern doesn't even die fighting! It was a stealth attack!

There's some theories that Isami has a change of heart too fast and this might be another time loop, which I think would be on brand but man his reaction to Bravern dying is too much there's at least no way it's because of a Bravern dying bad end. Actually, I wonder if the damage to Bravern's core is worse than we can tell? Lulu bad end looks way worse though. Or maybe hypothetical Isami time travel route is -> they don't fight Superbia -> defeat one more death drive -> Superbia realizes he doesn't get his warrior death -> he takes on the last Deathdrive 1v1, dies -> remaining DD dies somehow but Superbia is still gone -> Isami goes back to save him for Lulu (they can't risk double time looping her?) -> doesn't ever experience Bravern dying so this is new and terrible.

In this case, Ira is acting unpredictably specifically because they do the no-kill route with Superbia. He's evidently super disgusted and I wonder if it's because its the peaceful resolution between the two? Otherwise I'm curious why else. Actually in general I'm curious why everyone is so personal with Bravern but I think we've all been asking that.

I think some people mentioned it on Twitter but Lulu very casually mentions her time travel lived experiences so it would be weird if they didn't know Bravern himself enabled it. Like I mentioned in my other post. He literally can't take on two giant mechs without Bravern and he knows for sure Superbia can't take on someone.

It's interesting that Bravern has different final words in this timeline than Lulu bad end but he also probably never had that stargazing scene in that route. Actually, you know what, I think Lulu bad end he does know it's Lulu because I don't think Isami was there for the specific curry scene we saw. He's still crying, naked in Bravern during that. Unless he just talks about Japanese curry all the time where we don't see.

Smith's last words are specifically "Brave Bang" (yuuki bakuhatsu) vs Bravern's "Brave Burn" and I'm basically Pepe Silvia-ing it up trying to figure out what it means. It's not really a direct confession about being Smith (because he's still a coward in that regard) but maybe it's a secret move/activation considering the moves are in English?

I think any kind of extra finale speculation requires its own post but that's my thoughts!

hm. Sorry. Maybe I should get into writing fanfic so you at least get something out of this

#bravern spoilers #can I use the no beta we die like fools tag on a poorly done essay #I didn't even really analyze the episode tbh #11/10 it's good thats all you need to know #the first best time to watch bravern is as its airing for the theorizing #the second best time is now

[writingsfromhome]

Chapters III

A/N: Okayy long awaited part 3! We’re inching closer to more action. This part feels like roasting a marshmallow over a fire. Before it sets on fire or even gets toasted.

Part 4 should be coming in the next week or so--let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. Thanks for reading as always loves. xx

Part: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 /

--------------------------------------------

 But I didn’t stand in front of you and make you feel small and unloved.

Y/N’s words tumble in my head, as I set an appointment with Ruth who openly stares at me, and while I walk to the studio. I can’t stop as my team discusses one of my singles, and while we go to our usual pub to wind down.

“Is everything alright?” My manager notices as we order a second round of drinks.

“Just got a lot on my mind,” I say noncommittally. But Jeff wasn’t Finn, he claps one hand on my shoulder and lets me know he was around if I wanted to talk in private. I thank him and continue staring at the bottom of my cup.

“Anything interesting?” a voice asks from beside me, I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Jeff left from my side.

“Hm?” I ask the beautiful woman who takes the seat beside me. Some of my friends glance at her but go back to their conversation, this usually happened when we went out. “Sorry, I didn’t hear what you said.”

“I was joking,” she smiles, her teeth white against the black lipstick she wears. “You were just looking into your pint like it was the most interesting thing in the room.”

“Just,” I motion to my head. “Got a lot going on up here. I’m Harry.”

“I’m Alina,” she says with another smile that showcases her dimples and round cheeks. I really look at her, she was a lot more interesting than my pint. “I’m here to save you from whatever misery’s got you down.”

“I don’t think anyone can save me from that,” I chuckle. Except Y/N maybe, but she’s said it herself--she moved on. All I can hope for now was she forgave me, and maybe invited me back into her life as a friend. But it was going to take time, and luckily I had until my birthday. “But it’s honorable of you.”

“I’m not really known to be honorable,” she says as she slides her foot up my leg. She smirks at my startled reaction, not expecting her boldness. But pretty soon, I’ve left my interesting pint behind and we’ve moved towards the bar for a fresh round. But we don’t stick around talking for long, she invites me back to her flat and I give myself to the night...some things weren’t solved in a day and I may as well enjoy myself before things got harder.

***

Y/N’s POV:

I accidentally bite down on the skin of my nails, already having bitten off any nail that existed. This is the shite I didn’t need, I think as Jules waves at me while he walks up his school steps. His head of curls disappears beyond the double doors and then I’m walking towards the tube station to get to work.

Any moment my mind isn’t occupied with Julien or work, I’m going over the conversation with Harry. Was I too harsh with him? Should I accept his apology just so we can move on. It was an irrefutable fact that Harry was the father of my child, and he would have to know this piece of information one day. Maybe I had to face this head on, and carefully apply a bandaid so he can stop finding clever ways to talk about us. Especially if I really was planning this birthday/listening party.

“Excuse me,” someone shoves past me and I realize I’d lingered at the turnpike. It was still early--on the days I dropped Jules off to school I got into the office early. Harry’s flat was a few stops away from where I usually got off...I consider if I should put my big girl panties on and get it over with. I already adjusted his meeting, I’d have to talk to him this week anyway.

I decide to stay on the train past my stop, and my head feels like I’d had too much champagne as I walk in the direction I knew Harry’s flat to be. When I get there and knock, I sigh in relief when he doesn’t answer. He could be sleeping, or already in the studio. I take a big breath out again, sending out a thanks to the universe or whatever. I wouldn’t have to do this today.

I walk back towards the lifts, and the doors open in slow motion. A rumpled Harry steps off; he has on the same shirt he wore to see me yesterday and an obvious bedhead. The walk of shame, or it wasn’t one until he sees me and his face flushes.

“Y/N? What--are you here to see me?” he clears his throat. “Sorry I didn’t realize you-”

“It’s fine-” I put my hand up when he takes a step towards me. “I’m fine, I was just going--I’ve got to get back to work.”

“Wait, why did you....fuck,” he whispers to himself but it’s so quiet around us, I hear it too. I smash the button for the lift but it’s long gone and doesn’t come back down. “Why are you here? Is everything okay? Is it Julien?”

My head whips at my son’s name, but I relax when I realize he was just going through the list of reasons I would show up.

“Everything’s okay,” I try to control my voice. “I just came to talk, about yesterday. I didn’t realize you would be...” I gesture to his outfit and his shame deepens.

“You came all this way can you just--”

“I should really get back to work,” I repeat again. I felt the sting of tears, I was stupid to come here and think Harry and I could casually put a bandaid over us. I also wasn’t sure why seeing him coming home from his night like this felt like my shame.

“Y/N,” he says softly. He takes the hand that’s basically destroyed the lift button and pulls it away. It forces me to look up at him. my jaw hurts from clenching it so I don’t cry. “We can talk.”

“I can’t stay,” I shake my head. “I just wanted to apologize for being so harsh yesterday. And I’m okay doing your event, I bumped your appointment up to this week so we can get started on it since we got distracted yesterday.” The lift finally opens. My safe haven. I look down at his hand on mine--I’d forgotten how unusually smooth his hands were; graceful and strong like he was always meant to be a musician. “I do have to get in now.”

“Okay,” he lets go of my hand and we don’t say a word as I get in and turn back. We make eye contact as the doors slide shut and as soon as they do, I slump against the railing. Barely catching my breath, I look at my reflection. I looked sucker-punched. I regret coming here today.

Harry’s POV:

I regret going last night.

It was fun, but I regret everything that followed. How could Y/N take me seriously if this is how she finds me when she is ready for a serious talk.

I slam my front door shut, at least I was going to see her sooner. And speaking of, I should probably let my manager know what I was planning for February. I groan, today was going to be a long day. But surprisingly by the time I have the conversation that afternoon, it isn’t as disastrous as Y/N and I this morning:

“Why...did you agree to that?” Jeff asks me when I spill the beans. “That sounds out of budget.”

“No it doesn’t have to be,” I try to backtrack. “Y/N, the person I hired to organize this is amazing. If I give her a budget she’ll stick to it so we don’t have to spend a lot and--”

“Y/N?” he raises an eyebrow. “Like Y/N—the Y/N you’re brooding about all the time?”

“Yeah, she does events.”

“Harry what are you getting yourself into? Are you trying to impress her or...?”

“No,” maybe. “I’m just trying to kill two birds with one stone—just say yes? I’ll fund whatever is over your budget?”

He drags his hand down his face and then nods. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“You won’t,” I kiss his cheek. That was a lot easier than I thought.

***

The days blur by as they do when I’m finishing an album. By the time Thursday rolls around, I’m buzzing to see Y/N again. She occupies so much of my thoughts these days, mostly for all the time I missed. I was still processing the fact that she had a three-year-old son, her life must be so different from what we had. She had a son.

I’d admit it to nobody, but I got angry drunk last night over the constant thoughts. Angry at myself, and as fucked up as it is, for whoever Y/N had her kid with. He had the life with her I wanted, even if he wasn’t in the picture. Y/N would have a piece of him forever. It was jealousy and possessive and unhealthy, and I paid for it this morning when I could barely see the stream of sunlight through my bedroom window without wanting to hurl.

“You’re early,” Y/N says sarcastically when I arrive 20 minutes late to our meeting. There’s one other person here that she introduces me to and who I forget the name of because the painkillers have yet to work their magic and my head is killing me.

“Rough night sorry,” my voice sounds like coarse sandpaper. “Sorry to make you ladies wait.”

“Let’s just get started,” she says with a tight-lip smile, she was annoyed with me. Damn, I should have gotten her a coffee before I got here. “Last time we talked we said we would go with a 70s theme and it’ll be medium sized?”

“I’ve put together somewhat of a list,” I pull up my notes app. “It’s just under 50, I’m emailing it to you along with my manager’s details in case you need him for something.”

“That’s helpful, can you CC Em?”

“Em?”

“Em,” she gestures to the blonde beside her and I try to play it off.

Em snorts but Y/N doesn’t look impressed. She asks Em to give us a moment and as soon as the door closes behind her, Y/N’s anger is pointed directly at me. “Is this a joke to you?”

“No of course not! I was lightening the mood. I’m serious about this.”

“Because I’m not here to be taken as a joke,” Y/N crosses her arms. I remember she would do that when she was upset with me. I would always unwind them and wrap them behind my neck, and just being between her scrunched face and the anger, her fists would open her up enough for a smile. My heart pangs when I realize it wasn’t easy like that anymore. We were building from ground zero. “You come in 20 minutes late, obviously distracted and can’t even be arsed to remember Emily’s name!”

“I’m sorry, really!” I try again. “I had a tough night, I’m sorry.”

“Tough night? You drink too much?”

“Maybe, but I wasn’t having a fun time.”

“Poor Harry Styles, try putting a moody toddler to bed for a half hour, and then cleaning up his sick because he’s got the flu.”

“Julien’s sick?” I lean forward. “What are you doing here then?”

“He’s fine, he’s with my mum.” She sighs. “He ate something that didn’t sit right with him but he’s okay, just had a small fever this morning. I can’t call in sick just because he is unfortunately.”

“The meeting was just me,” I feel more worried than she sounds. “You could have cancelled and stayed home.”

“I couldn’t,” Y/N cuts me off. “I’m serious I can’t stay home every time my kid is sick--I’d love to but that’s not how it works! I have a job, and more clients than just you. I call him when I can, and I’ll see him in a few hours.”

“I’m sorry,” I feel the need to apologize again. And then again for good measure, “And I’m sorry for the other morning-”

“Why are you apologizing, it’s your life Harry.” she types something on her laptop.

“I was hoping to have that conversation, and then I show up like that...”

“We’re talking now,” she continues typing. “And we can always talk another time.”

“Can we?” I ask, my tone catches her attention. Her face softens, she looks away and when she looks back at me her brows are pinched. I wasn’t sure what was going through her mind, she was making it hard to read her. There used to be a time when she was as easy to read as a picture book. “Tomorrow, can I pick you up for dinner? We can just talk I-I need to talk to you. Don’t you think we should...talk?” Way to use your language Harry.

“Okay,” she chokes out. “I’ll meet you tomorrow. I’m calling Em back in.”

And so she does, we discuss the event and although Y/N isn’t curt like she was, it almost feels like she avoids looking at me directly. I sit on my hands at one point, with her hand right beside mine I want to hold it and I don’t trust myself. I wonder if we’ll ever get to neutral ground with each other or if my adolescent decisions fucked me over forever.

Y/N’s POV:

“He’s fine Y/N,” my mum pushes me away from Julien. He’s cuddled with his stuffed bear on my mum’s couch watching his cartoons. “If you don’t leave now you’ll never make it on time for your work dinner.”

So I didn’t exactly lie to my mum, I just didn’t want her to know I was meeting the father of my child because--well, she would either get angry about letting him back in my life, or go the other way and ask when we’re becoming one big family again. I was giving her a white lie, and leaving Julien with her who wasn’t as sick as yesterday but still very lethargic and achy.

I crouch down to Jules’ level, he shifts forward so his forehead touch mine. “You smell,” he mumbles to me, leaning in to where I’d spritzed some perfume on my neck.

“I do, don’t I?” I kiss his nose. “If you need anything you tell gran to call me okay? I’ll be home right away.”

“I’m not even sick anymore,” he says while his eyes track the characters on TV. “I’m just sleepy.”

“Okay,” I stroke his head of soft curls. “Don’t stay up too late. I love you.”

“He won’t,” my mom says. I make sure she knows to call me before I head out to meet Harry at a restaurant he picked. It wasn’t somewhere I’d been before, and to be honest with Julien being so sick last night I didn’t have much time to think about what I agreed to. Only on the tube ride there does it hit me.

I’ll hear him out, I figure. I wasn’t going to tell him about Julien, not yet. A plan was shaping in my head--I would help him with his party, finish with him and then tell him when everything settled. It would be a courtesy, I would make it clear Julien was mine and if he wanted a relationship with him he would have to arrange that with me. But today, I would hear him out and smile politely because sometimes, thinking about how Harry and I ended still hurts like it happened yesterday but I couldn’t let him know.

I spot the back of Harry’s head outside the restaurant. When he spots me, he lights up and his smile is a thousand watts directed at me. There was a time when I would have killed to see that smile directed at me, he looked good--it hurt.

I nearly stumble and smile back as brightly but I reign it in. Instead I wave, and rush to get beside him. There was a certain magnetism with Harry and I that I couldn’t deny, it’s how we got on so well before. But it felt like our past, this secret I held changed my magnetic field so with him, I could only ricochet.

“Hey,” I say out of breath. “Did you just get here.”

“Parking was a nightmare,” he gestures vaguely down the road. “So I just walked up.”

Harry could barely pay for his share of rent when we were together, and here he was driving around London to fancy restaurants. Life had been good to him, which I was happy for, but it hurt he’d walked all over me to get there. I glance up at him as we walk in, he’s smiling jovially with the hostess and I secretly wonder if this was all a mask he wore. If the person he really was, was the one I got to know before we broke up.

“You look amazing by the way,” Harry says after we shed our jackets. I’d worn a flattering sage sweater dress that made up for its modest high neck and long sleeves by hitting me mid-thigh. There was a reason I had worn my trench coat on the ride here, it was short. “I’m really glad you agreed to this.”

I nod, the wave of realization that I would have to look him in the face for the next hour and talk to him like he hadn’t broken my heart and I wasn’t hiding such a life-changing secret from him. “Thanks yeah, i thought it was the adult thing to do. Since we’ll be working together.”

“To working together,” Harry clinks his water against mine. I give a tight-lipped smile and busy myself with the menu. But after we order, with nothing between us and my hands unoccupied I have to look at him. He’s watching me, which makes for an intense stare-off as we catch each other’s eye. I forgot how easy it was to be in Harry’s presence, how before it got bad, it was good. He would make me feel less anxious any time he was around. He used to be the safety of home to me.

“So,” I break the awkward silence. “Catch me up with you.”

“You know me, my life is online. How about you?”

‘You first,” my heart goes thumpthump thumpthump. “Successful EP and upcoming album...?”

“Yeah,” he’s luckily saved by the arrival of our wine. We sit in silence as our glasses are filled. I wondered if the waiter could feel the tension. “I had to really fight for even a single, my management was really awful back then--”

“Finn,” I can’t help the name coming out of my mouth like I’d taken a swig of sour milk. “I remember.”

“Yeah, him.” He looks down at his wine. “By the time I had to renew contracts, I’d taken over most of his role anyway. It was crazy at certain meetings, I was the only person in there that had my own back. But I managed to win in the end, got the EP out. Had a lot to write about…y’know.”

There he goes looking at me with those eyes again, now it’s my turn to look down into my wine and try not to think thoughts like, you didn’t even know I had your back during those times.

“I was kind of surprised when you said you never listened to the album.”

“That’s a bit arrogant.”

“Never said I wasn’t,” he flashes a smile that falls flat when I don’t return it. “I just uhm, did you never look me up? I looked you up sometimes, you did such a good job at disappearing I could barely find anything about you. It felt like...a punishment.”

“I didn’t ‘disappear’ to punish you,” I make myself clear. “I just. I had to.”

“You moved from our flat, did you get any of the voicemails or the emails I sent you?”

“I moved a few weeks after,” a few weeks where he never came back for me. Every time there was a knock at my door that was unexpected, I half-thought it would be Harry. That he would apologize and I might take him back, that I would tell him I was pregnant. That we could make our way back. But it never was.

“The voicemails?”

“I didn’t get them.”

“That’s probably good,” Harry flashes a dimpled smile. “I was very drunk in some of them. Probably crying...it wasn’t my shining moment. I-well I don’t think I had any shining moments in our last year. I was pretty shite boyfriend but I still hoped sometimes that maybe one day you’d call me and tell me you’re sorry too and we could figure it out...”

We go quiet as our food is brought to us. I watch Harry interact with the waiter, and think about what he’s said. He had regrets, that’s all I’m hearing. And with the way he treated me I didn’t exactly feel bad for him.

“I can’t get over the fact that you had a kid,” Harry continues on. “I never thought...”

“I would have a kid?” I ask when he trails off.

“No, we talked about kids a lot. Back when we were together. I knew you wanted them but that’s how I always pictured it—us having kids. Together. So yeah, I think it just shocked the hell out of me when I saw this cute kid and he was yours. And he wasn’t mine.”

Fuck, I stab my plate and try not to let my panic show. Did he know? He had to know, he was being so bloody obvious. But his expression is sincere, he doesn’t look like he’s testing me or anything. God, how can he be saying things like this not realizing the irony. I want to die.

“I was just as surprised when I found out I was pregnant,” I try to stick to easy details. “But, getting the chance to be a mother is something I never knew I wanted. Wouldn’t change it for a thing.”

We catch eyes again, and there it is, the fondness blooming in my chest. I see it in his eyes too as he says softly, “I always knew you would be a phenomenal mother.” The regret is all over his face.

I drop my fork and gulp some more wine. trying to wash away the warmth in my chest as he goes on. “I want to explain myself--how I treated you like I did but there’s no explanation for it. Really it was Niall that made me realize what a dick I was becoming. I lived with him for a bit, wrote a lot of my songs on his living room couch. Came to a lot of realizations.”

“Niall’s always been a good friend,” I missed him.

“He missed you just as much,” he says. “I’m ashamed to say I don’t know who I became then Y/N. I put you through every bad thing that happened to me, I wasn’t supportive or appreciative. I see that now—I saw it after we broke up, that’s why I tried so hard to reach you.”

“It was too late Harry.” I lie. “There was too much baggage with us. You—you said some unforgivable things, it would have been hard.“

“I know,” he looks down. “I never stopped loving you Y/N.”

I freeze, “I—that’s not...I don’t want to hear that Harry.”

“I just need to let you know,” he says simply but I’m already pushing my meal away. “I just want you to know that. Y/N, half my album is about you, I just need you to hear that, wish you had listened to it. I’m sorry and no matter what I still love-“

“Stop!” I say a bit too loudly, panicked because this felt like a farce. One day soon he would hate me again and I couldn’t handle confronting the crushing realization.

“Okay I’m sorry,” Harry holds his hand up. I can’t hear him say those words without wanting to cry in frustration and be sick from the guilt. “I have to go.” I get my coat off the back of the chair and begin walking out, it was rude but I couldn’t stand to be in there any longer. I hit the cold air of the streets. What was I thinking having dinner and not expecting it to end in disaster.

“Y/N!” A distant voice calls me. It’s Harry’s, but I keep walking. He’s out of breath by the time he reaches me. “I pushed too far, listen, Y/N!” He steps in front of me and blocks my path, holding onto my arms. I jerk away but he steps in sync with me when I step to the side. He puts his hands out, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I just--”

“I’m not uncomfortable, I’m just trying to go home.” I try to side-step him again but he’s in my way. “Harry!” I push him and make enough room to slip past, but his long legs keep up with mine.

“Please don’t let tonight end like this,” Harry says beside me.

“Like what? I’m going home. We had our discussion. You apologized and that’s that!” I finally stop at a street corner near a row of bushes.

“I apologized but you never said you were okay,” Harry’s cheeks are a bright pink. This is all too familiar, this back-and-forth before Harry explodes and runs away from the argument. “I don’t know where we stand I—that’s why we agreed to dinner. For closure right?”

“If you’re expecting forgiveness, I can’t just give that to you. I can’t just forgive you!”

“I’ve changed,” he bends slightly to meet my gaze. It surprises me when his tone softens, when he doesn’t raise his voice back at me. “I promise I’m not that version of me anymore.”

“I can’t trust that!” I want to believe him, god I wanted to believe it but instead I shout too loud again, catching a few stares. I lower my voice. “I can’t trust you, I don’t know who you are. I thought I did once upon a time but you...you became such a cold and selfish guy that I slaved over and—and admit it you didn’t even love me by the end of it. The things you said...you don’t say those things to someone you love.”

“You don’t,” he agrees right away. “I didn’t even know who I was. I know who I am now. You have to trust me.”

“Well you have to earn trust,” I say. And I don’t realize it until I say it but it was true, that’s always what kept me from contacting him about Julien. I didn’t trust that he could love him the way I do, I couldn’t trust he wouldn’t come into our lives and try to take him from me too and break my heart all over again. I needed to know Harry really was changed before I could let him into Julien’s life as his father.

“I intend on doing that. I want you back in my life whatever way you want.” He slips his hand into mine but I can’t stand his touch and I have to pull away. It hurts him, I can tell, but all the memories of feeling unloveable while his cold eyes watched me as he said even colder words hit me again and I can’t see the man in front of me. Just the man that I knew last. So his hurt is the last of my concern, because even after having a child and going through multiple sessions of therapy I can’t forget standing on the other side of his venomous words.

“Be careful what you wish for,” I say bitterly. After I tell him about Julien we would be in each other’s lives forever. But before he can ask what I mean my phone vibrates and brings me out of my thoughts. Mum, my breath catches.

“Mum? What’s happened?? Is Julien okay?”

“Y/N, calm down.” My mum says in her calm voice when I get too panicked. “Julien is fine, he’s asleep now but he was all sick again--”

“I’m coming right now,” I say. Harry touches my back and points in the direction of his car, knowing it was my fastest way home I follow him. “How much was he throwing up?”

“Not much, Y/N honestly I knew I shouldn’t have called. Stay where you are, I’m just calling you now because I asked Shaza down the hall and she came to look at him--she’s studying to be a podiatrist so she know-”

“A pediatrician?” I ask, keeping my eyes on the back of Harry’s black coat. “Does she actually know what she’s talking about?”

“Yes—I hear traffic Y/N you best not be coming home. He threw up once, his fever broke I think whatever bug he’s caught is gone now. I just wanted to call you to check in.”

“I’m done dinner anyway, I’m coming home.”

“That was quick.”

We’d reached Harry’s car. “Yeah well, not much to discuss. I’ll see you in a bit. Bye mum.”

“What’s happening?” Harry asks as he gets into the car but I stay on the sidewalk.

“I can take the train,” I let out a deep breath. “Jules was sick again but his fever broke, false alarm.”

“I know you want to get to him as soon as possible,” Harry turns the ignition. “Just get in Y/N.”

I go around and do just that, and most of the ride is spent in silence as I text my mum and he focuses on driving. I don’t even realize we’ve reached my mum’s, or that I never gave him the address but he drove here all on his own. The warmth of fondness spread through my chest again, but I stifle it with the ever-present anger.

“Thank you,” I say sincerely. “I would invite you up...”

“Your mum might kill me,” Harry chuckles. I bite down on my lip. “Wait, does she know you’re out with me?”

“No? I wasn’t sure how she would react--”

“A lot of cursing, I wouldn’t blame her.” Harry says, giving me a way out. He thinks I’m being polite but it was complicated. My mum hated what he did to me, but the fact that Jules is growing up without a father hurts her too so if he was in his life she would be happy for him at least. “Are you staying at your mum’s? I can give you a lift home if you needed?”

“No,” I get out of the car and walk to his side. “I’ve had you drive around town enough. I’ll just call an Uber.”

“I’m staying here until you come back down,” Harry turns his keys and the car turns off with a blink.

I roll my eyes, I couldn’t argue with him when he made up his mind like this. I talk in hushed whispers when I go up and wrap a half-asleep Julien in his coat. I hold him tight to me, his limbs felt longer than the last time I’d picked him up and it always felt like I was catching up to him these days. Before I knew it, he’d be taller than me. I wondered then, on the lift down, if he would get his height from Harry.

Harry is sat in the car with his arms crossed and looking thoughtfully out the window. I wonder what he’s thinking about.

He jerks up when he sees me and starts the car, and I slide into his backseat with Julien in my lap.

“I thought you’d be up there longer,” Harry whispers as he pulls out of his spot. We hit a red light immediately and he meets my eye in the rearview mirror. “Is he okay?”

“Sleeping,” I rest my nose on his mess of hair and inhale the baby smell I loved. “He’s okay, his fever’s gone.”

“That’s good.” a smile in the rearview before the green lights cut through the night. We ride home in silence, a quietness that almost feels normal. I direct Harry where to go—I was only fifteen minutes from my mum, and when he parks down the street from my flat he rushes out and gets my door for me. He takes Julien from me as I grab his go-bag.

Julien stirs on Harry’s shoulder--on his dad’s shoulder. The thought feels dizzying. Harry is so careful with him as we go inside. My lobby is nothing like his, it’s not even a lobby, just a long corridor with the lifts on the right. Harry lets me lead the way, and before I can even think about what’s happening, Harry’s stepping into my dingy flat.

“Don’t mind the mess,” I say, completely embarrassed as he walks through the living room. A basket of laundry that needs to be folded sits beside the coffee table that has Julien’s sippy cup and two mugs of stale coffee. One side of the sofa is littered with lego and books. “I haven’t had much time to clean...”

“It’s a home,” he says, his voice cracks as he says it.

“I’ll put him to bed,” I take Julien from him quickly but Harry automatically moves to unzip his coat when I’ve got him. I feel fluttery, watching the thoughtful motions with his son. It reminds me of all the ways he cared for me when we were younger. As soon as the zip is undone I move Julien to his bedroom. I dress him in PJs, and he only wakes when I kiss his forehead.

“Mummy?” he whispers.

“I’m right here,” I feel a tear slip down my cheek. This whole evening was proving to be more emotional than I could handle. “Sorry I wasn’t there when you felt sick.”

“I’m not sick anymore,” he repeats. His tiny arms lock around my neck and pull me down into his pillow. I stay there until he relaxes, his arms falling away like the tears that slip easily down my cheek. I’m glad it’s dim, as I tuck him in and wipe the tears that don’t stop coming down. His father was right outside, and he’s gone his whole life without knowing him. It was unfair to him, and unfair to Harry--I knew that. I was selfish, I wanted him all to myself, and I was still holding onto the hurt Harry caused me.

“Everything alright?” Harry whispers when I walk out. He’d taken it upon himself to look through the photos scattered throughout the surfaces that had a few pictures of Julien and I as he grew. I know he’s seen the picture of Jules from a few years ago, he’s a carbon copy of his dad at that age, except for his eyes. I’m hoping Harry doesn’t make the connection, that he’s not thinking that hard about it.

“He’s in bed now,” I say. “I’m relieved to have him under the same roof as me! Sorry to keep you waiting, can I get you a drink?”

“No, I’m alright.” he moves towards the door and the twinge of disappointment surprises me. “I’m going to have to drive home.”

“Right, well I’ve got tea?”

“I...” Harry hesitates where he is. His eyes flit across my face, “Were you crying?”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “I’m an emotional mess when it comes to Jules. It’s nothing to worry about.”

“I know we’re...not what we used to be but, could I give you a hug?”

I stare, he takes a step towards me and I clear my head. It would be awkward if I said no, he did drive me home, plus “I could use one.”

But it was the wrong thing to do, even though it felt so right to be held like this. Folded into his chest as his strong arms pull me tight against him, it feels like more than just a sympathetic hug. It feels like seeing each other the first day back from winter break, it feels like celebrating graduation with a new flat, it feels like being comforted after not getting the job, it feels like birthdays and holidays and running out of steam after an explosive argument, crawling back to each other because we used to be like that—we couldn’t live without each other. Oh god, he was going to hate me. I’m going to have to break his world and he was going to hate me.

I push him away before he could feel the sob come up, I turn and walk into the toilet. I couldn’t be in the same room as him right now, and he must realize it. I hear the front door close softly as he leaves. Maybe Harry and I reached the end of the book a long time ago. I lower myself onto the toilet seat and cry into my hands, if there was another chapter ahead, it wasn’t going to end well. Maybe Harry and I were never meant to end well.

Harry’s POV

It’s been a few weeks since I saw her in person, and I forget how I survived five years without her. I feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal: Our virtual meetings don’t cut it, I have next Friday circled in red in my head for when we check out venues together. I can’t stop thinking about her, can’t stop thinking about my next fix of her. As the holiday season settles around us, all I seem to see are happy couples and Christmas trees and all I can think about is all of the Christmas memories we had together.

I can’t get her out of my head. Her smell, the feel of her tucked under my chin in the dim lighting of her flat, the way she looked at me when I took her son from her arms and helped her up, her perfume and the smell of her in her flat, the mug she stole from my kitchen in uni sitting on her coffee table, her short dress and her soft thighs on my leather seats as she texted her mum in my passenger seat, how we looked at each other across the table for a moment that night and I thought I saw my Y/N. But I must have been dreaming. That’s what I have to tell myself.

“How long do you think it’ll take before she forgives you?” Niall asks across my dining table. Apparently he had lunch with Y/N and Julien on Saturday, she apologized to him for cutting him off. Lucky bastard.

“I don’t know if she will,” I scratch out the line I just edited. “She confuses me. She could hardly stand to touch me when I tried to hold her hand after dinner, but in her flat she let me hug her.”

“And then she ran away crying,” Niall heard this story half a dozen times already. “You’re not good for her right now.”

“She’s sort of planning my party...”

“You’ve got issues,” Niall throws a pick at me. “So uh, has she said anything about Julien?”

“What do you mean?” I perk up. “Did something happen?”

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s just her son...”

“I know, I’m still wrapping my head around that. So how did your date go last night?”

“Ehm,” Niall scratches his arm, I could tell a nervous Niall from miles away.

“What happened?”

“A date, it was good. Probably not getting a second date.”

“Did you talk about your ex this time?”

“That was you,” Niall reminds me of one of my worse dates. “I brought up my mum...it didn’t go well. There’s no going back.”

“Better luck next time,” I say sympathetically. “Maybe we should have a boy’s night out hey? How does Saturday sound?”

“Actually...” Niall hesitates. “I’ve got uhm, a thing to go to.”

“A thing?” I raise my eyebrow, I knew Niall’s lying tic.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be busy.”

“What kind of thing...?”

“Okay, fine!” Niall huffs. “Y/N’s asked me to be her plus one to this Christmas thing.”

My mouth dries up, “What?”

“It’s nothing serious, she said her company throws these Christmas parties and they invite their families and stuff. She said she wants to see me more when she apologised to me, and she invited me. So people stop asking her when she’s going to get a boyfriend.”

“So-so you’re going as her date.”

“No! Not like that, I wouldn’t do that to you. It’s just a date. You know we’re best mates.”

“She didn’t even tell me about it.”

“No offense, but why would she?”

“Who’s side are you on?” I ask, feeling betrayed.

“I’m on your side, always, but c’mon mate. You broke her heart why would she invite you?”

“We’re getting along again, The Plan is working.”

“Firstly,” Niall wags his finger. “I’m not sure why you’re doing this whole Plan, it sounds fucking mental. Secondly, her family’s going to be there and they probably hate you. And do you forget Y/N and I were friends before you two dated?”

“I’m your best mate! Niall please, find a way to invite me. I’ll owe you big time.” I plead but no matter what I say Niall doesn’t give in. Until I realize, “Oh, her sister’s gonna be there isn’t she? Saf?”

“No, what? Probably.” Niall’s cheeks redden and I know I’ve got him.

“The sister you dated behind her back?”

“She doesn’t know, don’t you dare say anything to her!”

“Look, I might slip up and say something. Unless, say, you’re there with us making sure I stay quiet.”

“Don’t do this,” Niall groans. “It’s in two days.”

“So should I tell her gently or just say you dated her baby sister?” I grin, only feeling slightly guilty. But Niall had to get me in, I had to see her again.

“You’re a dick,” Niall gets up and closes his laptop, shoving it into his bag.. “You’re my best friend, you’re not supposed to blackmail me.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I just need to see her Niall, there’s something there I swear.”

“Okay,” Niall relents. “I’ll see what I can do. Her family might be there.”

“One step at a time,” I say even though the idea of seeing them makes me want to eat glass. “I just need to show her I’m not that guy anymore. I’ve changed, I’m not that guy right?”

“No,” Niall shakes his head. “You’re not Harry, I don’t think you were ever...you got lost when things got rough but you’ve always been Harry. Except when you’re blackmailing me, then I don’t care what happens to ya’”

Y/N’s POV:

“I love Christmas,” Jules jumps on my bed as I carefully apply my eyeliner. “It’s the best day ever!”

“You just love it because Santa gets you all the presents.” I say. “And stop jumping on the bed you little monkey, you’re going to wrinkle your shirt.”

“No, I love Christmas because Grandad gives me sweets and everyone gets together and we all eat yummy food and Aunt Saf always plays her video games with me and-”

“Okay Jules,” I chuckle. “It’s the best day ever!”

“I know!” He does one last jump and ends it by sitting down. “Your makeup is taking soo long.”

“Stop distracting me!” I turn to look at him. “Why don’t you get your get your coat out of the closet and my square purse?”

“The letter one?” He asks, it was shaped like an envelope so it became the only identifiable bag.

With him gone for a few minute, I quickly finish the other side and am just done my lipstick when he shows up with his coat zipped and my purse in hand. and my heels crushed against his chest. “I even got you your shoes from the closet.”

“You’re the sweetest boy,” I squish his cheek in a kiss and he rushes to the mirror to wipe the lipstick off but only manages to smudge it. At least he’s distracted.

My phone vibrates with a call, it was Niall. “Hiya, I was just about to head out.”

“Oh yeah,” his voice sounds rough and my heart drops. Was something wrong? “I’m really sorry to do this so last minute--”

“Niall please, don’t say you’re cancelling. I was counting on you!”

“Yeah, I...I got food poisoning? I’m still not feeling well.”

“Jeez,” I flop down on the bed and Julien looks over at me curiously. “Sorry, that’s shitty. D’you think you could make it late or it’s bad?”

“Uhm, maybe later.” His voice is a bit muffled. Maybe he was in bed. “Good news, I asked Harry and he’s free so-”

“No.”

“-pick you up and...No?”

“Did Harry put you up to this? Niall! Why would you set me up like this?”

“It’s not my fault!” he squeaks. “Really, if I could make it I would but I can’t right now. You and Harry are cool right? You’re just going as friends.”

“I told everyone at work I was bringing a special someone.” I want to swear but I don’t want Julien’s eyes to get any bigger.

“Shite,” Niall has the audacity to laugh. “I’m really sorry I didn’t know you...oh god I want to laugh.”

“You better not, if you’ve already told Harry whatever. Tell him I’ll meet him there. I’m not forgiving you for this Niall Horan.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Niall says with a laugh in his voice. I put it down before he can let it out.

“Let’s get our taxi,” I tell Julien. “It’s just you and me for now.”

***

Honestly Harry, don’t bother. I’m sure you’re busy. I text Harry back when he texts to confirm the address. He texts that he’s already on his way, which make me suspicious of the quick timing. There was something fishy going on, but I am too busy to think more about it. I have to convince Julien to behave and give him the lecture on the ride there, I spot my sister there and my brother’s family; as a partner I was encouraged to invite any family I wanted and the kids usually enjoyed it so they showed up for it.

I catch up with a few people and say hi to my favourite coworkers, and everyone badgers me about my date. They tease me when I say he got food poisoning, that he was made up which makes me confess he’d sent a friend in his place. I make sure to emphasize that to a few more than the rest, because I didn’t want my partners to think I was dating a client. Of course Harry didn’t think that through when he accepted Niall’s offer.

“So, you look like a million pounds.” Harry says beside me after I pick up another champagne flute. I can smell the musky perfume he wore, with its hint of sweet floral, my stomach flutters at the strong urge it brings to bury my face in his chest.

“Thank you,” I wrap my arm around my waist, feeling awkward. I did look like a million pounds, silver silk draped over my body that hit me mid-calf, and a deep V neck on both the front and back. But hearing my ex compliment me so genuinely made me self-conscious. “You look nice.”

“Oh, thanks,” Harry says uncomfortably and I want to dash out of the conversation but I’m saved by Jules, my angel. “Hey! Harry!”

“Hey buddy, you remember my name?”

“Yeah, you have the coolest guitars! I remember when you played all the strings!” Jules wraps an arm around my knee as he looks up to Harry with an awed expression. If only he knew Harry was a Musician with a capital M. And a Dad with a capital D. Shite.

“Well you’re welcome to play some more anytime you want.” Harry chuckles at the enthusiasm and Jules looks up at me excitedly. I tell him not to get too carried away, and luckily his cousin finds him and pulls him back to play.

“Is that...?”

“Danny? Yeah, all grown up. He’s 7 now.” We watch my nephew run to the other kids whilst holding Julien’s hand. I forgot Harry knew him as a kid.

“So that means your family’s here?” Harry drags out the question.

“Saf, and Daniel,” my brother named his firstborn after himself, it was a whole thing when it happened. “Daniel’s wife, his kids. Don’t hold your breath, my parents had other commitments.”

Harry lets out an exaggerated breath which makes me laugh, and surprisingly the rest of the evening isn’t so painful. A few people recognise Harry, he makes a show of knowing who Emily is, and although it gets a bit tense between my sister and him, I sit between them during dinner and it’s almost like old times until Julien tries to sit on me and Harry moves down so that Jules is sitting in between both parents. Saf nudges me, and I shoot her a look. I knew what was happening.

But Harry is so gentle yet playful with Julien, and Jules loves him. It gives me a break, allowing me to talk to those around me while we eat and it takes me a moment to realize this is what it could be like if I ever co-parented. This is what it was supposed to be like. And if I’d drank anything that night, the thought sobered me entirely.

Niall shows up after dinner as the drinks are flowing freely, he looks like he was never sick tonight but he swears he was. I third-wheel him and Harry as they talk in industry code, until my sister joins me.

“Safs, you remember Niall,” I say when she hands me a spritz.

“Ehm yeah, Safira, hi,” Niall shakes my sister’s hand awkwardly when she goes in for a hug. It’s so awkward and ridiculous I have to laugh. 

“It’s been a while,” my sister bounces on her heels. “You mastermind this?”

Niall looks over at Harry, my sister was referencing his invitation and Niall denies it but the smile on his face tells me otherwise. What was he up to?

“He’s dead to her,” Safs goes on like Harry isn’t there. “I’m surprised you tried to play matchmaker again.”

“That’s not for you to say-” Harry tries to cut Niall before he can defend him and tries to tell Saf that he wasn’t here to cause any trouble. But Saf isn’t listening, she’s having a conversation with Niall with her eyes. It was interesting, and something niggles at me but my emotions are too heightened to make sense of it. I’m taken aback by how comfortable my sister felt with Niall, enough to argue publicly, but she was head-strong and I don’t question it.

“She’s a bit drunk, sorry boys.” I give her a look she teases me for, says I look like mum when I do. She scowls at me appropriately and stalks off, surprisingly Niall follows her. I turn to Harry, “I don’t know why he’s following.”

Harry agrees. His eyes are locked on Niall and Saf bickering away like an old couple. “What a pair, those two.”

There it was, I look back at Niall and my sister. I remember that awful New Year’s party, Niall had flirted all night with Saf. Did they...I shake my head, I’d told Niall she was off limits there was no way... “They fight like an old couple.”

“Uhm,” Harry chokes out a laugh. “They do right?”

Harry’s POV:

I knew the moment would come when someone in Y/N’s family decided to grill me, I should’ve known it would be Safira. After she’d chewed Niall out and he heads for a drink, my conversation with Y/N is cut short when an old client of hers pulls her away. I watch as he makes her laugh, and my stomach churns. I’m left to stand aimlessly. And so of course she finds me, a fierce expression ready to battle.

“You’ll burn a hole right through his skull,” Safira says in my ear. I jerk back to stare, she looks less like a kid from the last time I saw her. She was probably in her 20s now. “You’re staring.”

"I’m not,” I retaliate.

“No, don’t do that.” She crosses her arms and shakes her head. “She doesn’t belong to you or something. She can have fun with a stranger if she wants, I’m sure you did plenty of that.”

It’s hard to take her seriously when she slurs half her words but the poisonous glare she shoots me sharpens the curves of her speech.

“You used to be so cute and harmless when Y/N and I first dated, now you can’t wait to bite our heads off.” I goad her, the same way I used to when Y/N and I first got together.

“Don’t do that either,” she punches my arm. “I’m not 16 anymore.”

“I know,” I look at her. She softens a bit, glancing out to Y/N which reminds me why I was so worked up. “Maybe I just need to get wasted so this doesn’t sting as much.”

She tilts her head to the drinks and I follow her, we drink in amicable silence. It doesn’t feel like she’s forgiven me, but like she’s willing to put up with me. It’s quieter where we are so I try to get some information from her. When I mention Julien, just like at Y/N’s office, Saf’s face softens.

“I love that kid, always thought I hated kids but he‘s the cutest, squishiest little thing.”

“He is,” I smile. “You lot are all very close with him?”

“My parents are putty in his hands,” she says fondly.

“His dad’s not in the picture is he then?”

She pauses mid-sip and eyes me, and then her expression changes to something I don’t understand before she shuts it down. “No, they split shortly after.”

That was a bit more to go off of at least. Maybe Niall can snoop through her instagram, who was she dating four year ago? “That’s a shame.”

“Don’t really like his dad,” she says with a ferocious intensity as she pushes away from the table. “Thought he was one of the good ones but he wasn’t.”

And just like that she leaves, without a second glance. It takes me a moment to shake off the information. Y/N dated a dick after me, I feel overprotective and angry and I know it’s mostly the drink but it doesn’t help that she’s still laughing with the good looking bloke. I turn to the bartender and he puts two shots in front of me without a word. I down them like water and turn back to where Y/N leans against a wall talking.

I had to get her away from him, I think. Or maybe the drink thinks it, but I’m moving towards her as fast as I can until I nearly crash into her.

“Woah, Harry.” she puts a hand on my arm and it stings and soothes. How did I let her go?

“Sorry,” I mumble. “I was getting a bit bored. Hi.”

“Hiya,” the other guy smiles politely. “I’ve taken enough of your time, I’ll go back to the wife but I’ll see you at the office in the New Year. Nice to meet you.”

I nod at him and find Y/N looking at me with a puzzled expression when I turn back. “What?”

Y/N’s POV:

When he looks at me I feel like I should look away, his expression feels like something private--what he’s feeling, it’s so naked on his face and I feel like I shouldn’t be seeing it.

“Nothing,” I shake my head. “I think you’d had enough to drink tonight.”

“I’m not drunk,” Harry splays his hand beside against the wall beside me, but because I’m in heels he’s not towering over me.

“But you’re getting there,” I level him with a look. “And I don’t want you to get sloppy in this crowd.”

“Right,” he hangs his head. “I missed ya Y/N.”

“I...” I don’t know what to say to that, there was too much to say and not enough. But I see the sadness in the downturn of his mouth, the shame in eyes, the frustration in his brows. I see him, the whole him, in that single moment. Anyone could take one look at him and see a man with regrets, but what scares me is what else I see: a man with love. “It’s getting late, I should get Jules and myself home.”

“Now?” Harry stands straight. “I-I’ll find Niall.”

We stand for a beat before heading in opposite directions, Jules is playing with new friends since his cousins went home a little while ago. His sweater is missing and I finally locate it under one of the Christmas trees. I look for Saf to say goodbye but she’s gone, and I type her a text one-handed while the other holds Jules’ who clutches his goody bags.

I nearly drop my phone when Harry shows up in front of us, and Julien laughs at my startled expression.

“What are you still doing here?”

“I ehm, my phone died. And I couldn’t find Niall anywhere.” Harry says with an embarrassed smile. “I’ve been trying to get a taxi but, every single bloody one that pulls up was called for.”

“You could’ve just asked the front desk to call you one,” I look around and sigh. “You can ride with us.”

“Is Harry coming over?” Julien overhears and interprets the conversation.

“It’s well past your bedtime,” why did my kid love Harry this instantly. “You shouldn’t be concerned about who’s coming over.”

“Please?” he stares up at me with his puppy eyes and the mom-guilt creeps in. He wanted to spend time with his dad even though he didn’t realize it. “Harry can teach me some songs!”

“He has a toy guitar,” I explain to Harry. “Jules has to be in bed in a half hour, but you can share our ride.”

“S’alright love,” Harry smiles sheepishly. “I can just take the tube home.”

“With your pass?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Ah, dead phone. Shh...shoot.” Harry side eyes Jules who is tugging my hand with excitement.

“Okay, Harry’s coming with us,” I say and I regret it the second we get into a car. Jules settles between us, and after a few moments in the lull of the heated car, he tips to his right and onto Harry’s arm. He’s out like a light. Harry lifts his arm up gently and maneuvers Julien into his chest, my heart nearly bursts out of his chest.

“I can get him here,” I whisper but Harry waves my hand away.

“He...” Harry starts before trailing off. “He’s a really great kid.”

“Oh,” a lump lodges itself in my throat, my eyes sting and I blink like a maniac to gain some composure. “He is. He really is.”

“Saf said your parents are putty in their hands, I can see why.” Harry continues. His face shines with a smile. “I don’t know if-I don’t know if it’s because he’s a piece of you or he’s just that special but, I would do anything for him too.”

“Harry,” I choke up. “Don’t say things like that.”

“Why not?” Harry whispers. “It’s how I feel.”

I stare at Jules’ head of curls, and find a similar one when I look up at Harry. It was hard to re-reconcile this man with the one I grew to love and the one who left me alone with an easy cruelty. I didn’t trust myself to decide which Harry was the real one.

“I wish I was there for you,” Harry continues. “After everything...I wish I was there for you. I wish I saw you become a mother, I know you hate me but I just wish...”

My hand finds his, wrapped around Julien’s back. I grasp his and give it a squeeze. “Just...leave it Harry.”

“I can’t,” he holds onto my hand tighter when I try to slip it back. “You still don’t trust me. And I can’t take the past back. I don’t know where I stand.”

He stood too close, I thought. I needed space from him, it was clear he still had love for me and I felt myself giving into the love that was achingly familiar. My body didn’t lie when it leaned into him involuntarily, but I couldn’t break my own heart like this. He would turn his casual cruelty back on me as soon as he found out the kind of secrets I was keeping.

“It doesn’t matter,” I whisper as we arrive to my building. Harry gets out with Julien and hands him over when I refuse any help getting to my flat. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea even though seeing him with Julien, tonight at the party and in the car, thawed my heart a little. “Thank you.”

“Thank you,” Harry brushes my cheek. “For tonight.”

I nod and head home, without looking back. I had to figure out what I wanted from Harry, because things didn’t feel so straightforward anymore. I was scared that what I was seeing was the edge and any tiny momentum could tip me over the edge.

I go to my flat and try Saf again, I needed some sisterly advice. But she’s still unavailable. I try my mum next, she picks up on the third ring.

“So remember that work dinner I went to when Jules was sick...” I start off.

--------------------------

Tag List:

@harrysficreblog  @gayb4rbz  @divalovesyou

#harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles x reader #harry styles series #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #writingsfromhome #dad!harry #musician!harry #series #soooo long #chapters #any guesses on the direction #there's literally so much ways to go #so many parts to write #but i'm getting back into the groove of these characters and #I'm so excited to share more

[flightlessangelwings]

Trust and Intuition Chapter 3- The Rebels

Din Djarin x fem!reader (no use of y/n)

Word count- 3.2k

Warnings- smut (18+ ONLY!), protective!Din, soft!Din, feelings, we learn about reader’s backstory, drama, leading up to action

Notes- This is the biggest change to this story in this rewrite. I basically re wrote this part from scratch, save for 2 little scenes (the kiss and the last exchange with Din). I also made reader’s backstory more ambiguous compared to what it was in the original. I also added smut because why not lol! Enjoy and thank you for reading!

Fic is tagged if you want to catch up on parts you missed! To stay up to date on when I post, also follow my update blog and turn on post notifications @flightlessangelwings-updates​

~

“Your highness!” an older man with grey hair and a warm, kind face greeted you the moment the Mandalorian landed the Razor Crest at the rebel base on Durane.

Your eyes lit up when you saw him and you ran towards him with your arms wide, “Sion!” you sighed in relief as you crashed into him, both of you embracing each other tightly, “It’s been too long!” You paused as you pulled away to meet his gaze, “But I told you not to call me that. You’ve known me since before I was a queen, and that’s all I want to be to you.”

Sion grinned at you like a proud father, “You were always a queen to me even before you could walk straight,” he nudged your nose playfully, “And I’ll always be proud of the woman you grew up to be,” his gaze trailed over your shoulder to the Mandalorian and the child who made their way off the ship. Sion looked at you, and when you nodded, he made his way over to him with his hand out, “Thank you, Mando,” he greeted him, “Our transports have been down, and I wasn’t sure how we would get these kids out this time. I’m more in debt to you than you realize.”

The Mandalorian took his hand and shook it, “No debt is necessary,” he said softly as he glanced over to the children who cautiously followed behind him, “Children should always have a place where they are safe,” he glanced down at his own foundling as he spoke.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Sion beamed at him before he addressed the children, “Come this way kids,” he guided them inside, “There’s food and a place to rest your heads for the night.”

The children’s faces lit up as their energy seemed to spark back at the mention of a warm meal and a safe roof over their heads. Gleefully, they bounded inside, following Sion’s lead while you and the Mandalorian tailed behind. Mando couldn’t help but notice the relief on your face as you found yourself in need of safety as well…

*

“Vero has Dria in a grip,” you spoke at the table where Sion, Mando and you gathered, “At first glance, things seem normal, but there’s more going on than anyone realizes. He’s taking children for Maker knows what, he’s hiding and destroying texts and books, he’s openly allowing stormtroopers in the palace now…” you turned to Sion with a pleading look in your eyes, “We have to do something before the Empire destroys everything Dria stands for.”

Sion sighed as he ran his hand across his face, “What can we do though?” he sounded defeated already, “He has an army. He has the Empire at his back. We number 30 at most.”

“I don’t know,” you exhaled as you dropped your head, “But I think he knows I’m the vigilante…”

Sion breathed your name as concern laced his face. He glanced over at the Mandalorian, “We’ve all lost everything at the hands of the Empire. Families. Friends. We’re all we have left.” 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Mando said. 

Encouraged by Mando’s words, you lifted your head up and a fresh conviction was apparent in your eyes, “Everyone thinks the empire is gone, that we won,” you spoke with authority that you learned from your time as queen,  “But that’s not true, and I think you know that. They’re all around us, planting seeds that they wait patiently to grow. But it’s our job to stop that. We have to stop their weeds from taking root and growing so big that they choke us and take out our light. I’ve been fighting this nettle since I was small, so have you Sion, and I don’t plan on stopping until either they die… or I do.” 

Mando watched with his breath caught in his chest. He wasn’t sure what to think, or even what to do next. All he knew was he wanted to help you and the others. “So what’s your plan then?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” you sighed. 

All Mando wanted to do was reach out to you, but he stayed still. His eyes never left you, though. 

Sensing the tension, Sion interjected, “How about we rest for the night,” he looked at you with melancholy in his eyes, “I think we all need it especially after what you two have been through.” 

*

The Mandalorian sat alone in the little room he had been given for the night. An empty bowl sat in front of him as he gently guided his helmet back into his head. The silence echoed in the room as he sat alone with his thoughts, wondering what he should do next, and how to keep you and everyone else safe. The image of your face lingered in his mind as he let out a sigh to himself.

But a knock at his door broke Mando out of his thoughts. He quickly stood and opened the door, relieved to find you on the other side. He breathed your name as he stepped aside and allowed you in, “Is everything alright?”

A soft smirk briefly graced your face, “I came by to ask you the same thing,” you glanced over at the empty bowl, “I hope that was ok for you…”

“It’s fine,” Mando cut you off as he moved next to you.

You looked around, “And your kid? The others?” you asked.

“Yeah,” Mando replied, “Your father took all the kids to get something to eat.”

“He’s fine with them,” you reassured the Mandalorian, sensing the concern in his tone, “Sion is the closest thing I have to family left,” you thought out loud.

“I didn’t mean…”

“It’s alright,” you interrupted, “We’ve all lost nearly everything to the Empire. We have to hold on to all the family that we can,” you met his vizor, “Otherwise we would all be completely alone. It’s been lonely enough being married to Vero. But the rebels needed a spy on the inside… And it appeared that I was his type…” you let out a deep breath, “Sion almost had a heart attack when I told him I’d do it,” you laughed bitterly, “The sacrifices are worth it though, as king as those kids are safe,” you fired a small smile that didn’t reach your eyes, “Even if I have to do this alone.” 

Mando reached out and squeezed your shoulder as he spoke your name, “You’re not alone. As long as I’m here, you’re not alone.” It was then he made a silent promise to himself to protect you, and he realized in that moment just how much you meant to him. He also felt a wave of anger towards Vero and what you must have gone through to remain a spy for the rebels. 

You looked at him with wide eyes and even though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel his energy. In his touch, you could feel how he cared. You felt as though the two of you shared a special connection, and you wondered if he felt the same way. Warmth spread across your face as your thoughts turned from your past to your present.

“Do you trust me?” you asked him as you lay your hand on top of his. Nerves pulsed through your veins, but you fingered you only had this one night and it was now or never.

“Yes,” his answer came without hesitation. 

You ripped a long piece of fabric off your shirt and wrapped it tightly around your eyes. When it was secure and your vision was completely blocked, you reached up to his helmet. You could feel his gloved hands over yours as he helped you take it off. You listened as he set his helmet down.

When his hand cupped your face, you realized he took his gloves off as well and it was his bare skin against yours. You reached out and felt his chest in front of you, the beskar cold under your touch. You moved your hands up to feel his face. It was warm and you could feel scruff along his jawline. His gaze was fixed on your lips as your hands roamed over his face and into his hair.

He kept one hand on your cheek and his other securely on your waist. Slowly, he pulled you close to him and gently touched his lips to yours. It was a light kiss at first, then you deepened the kiss as you held onto his soft hair. Your tongues danced to a song without music as waves of feelings rushed from the two of you. The kiss spoke more than words could for either of you as both your and Mando’s emotions ran wild.

Reluctantly, you broke away for air, but your faces did not stray far from each other. Mando rubbed his thumb over your cheek tenderly as he studied every inch of your face. He pulled you close again as he rested his face against yours. You held onto him tightly, as if you were afraid he would disappear if you let go. Even though his vision wasn’t blocked, Mando had the same fear.

It was then you heard his voice, “Din.”

“What?” Your voice was just a whisper.

“My name. It’s Din Djarin,” he repeated softly.

With this, you knew how much he trusted you, and it made you realize how much you cared about him. Din held you tightly as you both enjoyed these last few quiet moments together. You were both fully aware of what was to come, and that this may be the last time you would have a moment like this.  

Feeling a sudden sense of need, Din pulled you against him as he guided both your bodies back towards the cot that sat in the far end of the room. Trusting him fully, you didn’t resist at all, and you sighed as you felt his strong grip on you. 

“Is this ok?” Din asked in a whisper as his lips hovered over yours and his hands gripped at your clothes.

“Yes,” you answered immediately. It was more than ok. It was what you had wanted since he took your hand. And unbeknownst to you, the Mandalorian had the exact same thoughts.

You lifted your arms as he carefully stripped you of your shirt first, then his hands wandered down your body. Goosebumps erupted on your skin at the feeling of his bare hands on you, and you shivered despite feeling warm. You heard his breath hitch in his throat as he stopped and cupped your breasts and soft moans escaped both your lips.

Din then unclasped your pants while you held onto his shoulders and stepped out of them eagerly. His hands landed on your now bare hips as he guided you once more towards the cot. His grab never faltered even as he fumbled backwards onto the cot, bringing you to straddle his waist.

“Fuck,” Din breathed.

You gasped, “What is it?”

“You’re beautiful,” his hands roamed up and down your body, memorizing every inch of you before he grabbed the back of your neck and pulled you in for another kiss.

You moaned into his mouth as you parted your lips for him and slowly rocked yourself along his stiffening cock. Even though the fabric, he felt so good underneath you, and you instantly craved more. 

“Din,” you whined as you buried your fingers in his hair, “Please… I need you.”

He groaned through gritted teeth as his cock twitched, “I’ve got you,” Din’s voice was low and full of his own need. He kept one hand on you at all times as he fumbled with his own pants, eager to free his cock.

You slipped your hand in between your bodies to help him, and when your hand brushed against his cock, you let out a soft gasp. Din moaned as a pulse was sent through his veins the moment you touched him. And it only grew as you pumped his cock slowly while your lips hovered over his.

“You’re perfect,” he groaned as his eyes rolled back into his head.

“You’re perfect,” you echoed back as you lifted your hips and felt the tip of his cock as your entrance, “Fuck… Din…”

Both of you gasped loudly as you took him inside you. Heat radiated from your bodies as you sunk down on Din’s cock slowly, and both of you clung to each other as if your lives depended on it. Perhaps it felt like they did at that moment.

Once your hips met Din’s and he was fully inside you, engulfed in your warmth, Din tightened his grip on you and slowly thrust his hips as much as he could. Rocking into you from below, Din watched as your mouth dropped open and your breasts bounced from the motion. He was mesmerized as you rocked your hips to match his rhythm, and together the two of you lost yourselves in each other. 

Moans and soft sighs escaped both your lips as you rode Din. Your hands stayed on his beskar covered chest as leverage, but you felt safe and secure in his strong grip. Behind the darkness of your blindfold, you saw stars every time his cock sheathed fully inside you and hit that spot that drove you wild.

Din groaned your name as he ran his hands up your back until he cupped the back of your head. Using the leverage, he guided you forward and crashed your lips against his once more in another heated, and this time more desperate, kiss. He swallowed the moan you let out as the new angle hit every sensitive spot inside you.

“Din… I’m…”

“Me too,” he groaned your name as he gripped you harder, “Let go… Cum for me mesh’la…”

With just a few more pumps of his cock, you came with a cry against Din’s lips. Your forehead stayed firmly against his as your release triggered his own as he came hard with a growl. Din wrapped his arms around you and yanked you close as he rocked his hips against yours, riding out both your climaxes together. 

Your entire body trembled as you felt Din spill himself inside you. Goosebumps erupted on your skin as wave after wave of pleasure crashed into you until you couldn’t take it anymore and you collapsed down onto his chest. Din immediately held you close as he groaned at the feeling of you around him.

“You alright?” he asked in a whisper as he ran his hands up and down your sides, caressing your body.

“Perfect,” you breathed as you grinned against him, comfortable in his strong embrace. 

The two of you settled into a comfortable silence as you laid together in your afterglow. Eventually, you rolled off of Din and you both hissed as his softening cock slid out of you. He never let you go far, though, and he settled you into his arms as you rested your head against his chest. And while both of you were comfortable and content, the tension in the air still lingered as the uncertainty of your future silently hung over your heads. 

“Din?” you broke the silence with his name.

“Hm?” he muttered back as his grip tightened instinctively. 

“Can we just stay like this for a while longer?” your voice was just a whisper.

“Yes,” Din replied in a soft tone, “As long as you want, mesh’la.” 

*

The next day brought the challenges back as you, Din and Sion met with the rest of the rebels to plan your next move. Din never left your side, and his little green child sat in his pram right next to him. Sion glanced between you and the Mandalorian as if he could sense that something happened between the two of you last night, but he chose not to say anything for the time being. As long as this warrior was willing to stay and keep you safe, he was content for now. 

“We’re at a clear disadvantage,” you said, “But there are secret tunnels under the palace that we can use to launch a surprise attack,” you pulled up a holo map of the palace layout and pointed to a shadowed part, “We would need a distraction though… Something to pull the troops away from this wing,” you gentured to the south wall.

“What do you suggest?” Sion asked. He watched over you like a worried parent, though it did not escape his notice the way the Mandalorian never strayed far from your side.

“Vero has a bounty out on the Vigilante,” the smirk in Mandalorian’s voice was apparent as the two of you shared a knowing look, “Why don’t we collect on that?”

“Absolutely not,” Sion raised his hands, “You are not going to be the bait for this. I let you become his wife and be our spy, but I am not letting you put yourself on the line like that again.” He sounded like a worried father as his brows scrunched. 

You sighed as you gave him an exasperated look, “What choice do we have, Sion?”

Silence filled the room as everyone waited for him to reply. With a heavy breath, he finally conceded, “None…” he looked down for a moment then back up at you and Mando, “But I’m coming with you then. I’m not letting you face him alone.” 

“She won’t be alone. She’ll be safe,” Mando tried to reassure him as his hand brushed against yours.

“Captain,” Sion called to one of the other men, “Let’s get a plan going. We still have some other rebels hiding on Dria, don’t we? Let’s figure out a way to get to them.” 

You couldn’t help but smile as you felt his presence at your side. It was quickly a comfort for you, and you felt more confident with the Mandalorian there. But, as the others chattered about the details of the plan, you glanced at the little one at his side. You felt a connection to the child somehow, and his big bright eyes made your heart flutter. 

You furrowed your brows as you asked, “What about the kid?” 

The child cooed happily at you in response. 

“He stays with me,” the Mandalorian said in a tone that left no room for argument.

“But Mando, it’ll be dangerous,” you protested, “Wouldn’t he be safer here with the other kids?”

“No,” his voice was firm but not harsh.

Your eyes darted around the room as if you tried to look for an answer on the walls or the floor. Everyone else drew a blank, and some looked almost afraid to go against the Mandalorian’s wishes. Then, an idea came to you, “Do you trust me?” you asked him in the same tone you used the night before. 

He looked directly at you, “Yes.”

#fic: trust and intuition #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin imagine #din djarin x y/n #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian x y/n #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fic #Pedro Pascal #pedro pascal fandom #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian fic #the mandalorian fanfic #din djarin fanfiction #din djarin fic #din djarin fanfic #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal character fic #pedro pascal character fanfic #Star Wars fanfic #Star Wars Fic #star wars fanfiction #star wars

[mybworlds]

Chapter 6: Something there

Pairing: The Hound x Sansa Stark

Summary: As their journey continues, they will discover that slowly their relationship is beginning to change -- perhaps.

Chapter Warnings: language, use of pet names, influence of alcohol

Masterlist

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Sansa and the Hound departed a few hours later, silence had fallen between them, only Stranger - Sandor's mighty horse - could be heard trampling on the grass or rocks under its hooves, she was annoyed by the man's foul-mouthed language so unpleasant, yet a sincere thanks for saving her life and healing her wounds came out of her heart, having said these words she turned her head toward the man behind her who immediately returned her gaze "You're welcome." he said simply in a serious tone.

Sansa then asked, "Who were those men? Do you know which house they belonged to?"

The Hound twisted his mouth before answering, "They are from the Land of the Aryas."

"Land of the Aryas?" asked Sansa "I have never heard of them."

"Because it should no longer exist, little bird. What you know as the Chief of the Octopus had the name Land of the Aryas, the Aryas were a people of savages mostly skilled in the use of the sword, violent. They were a rival house to the Clegane's that's why I know about their existence. My father faced their leader at the time, a certain Ga-rarg or Ga-nang I don't remember, however defeated him and remaining only women there, I thought their lineage - if you can call it that - was extinct, but today -- when I saw their coat of arms, I realized that I was wrong and that someone else is back in power of that scum!" he finished explaining and then spat.

"And your father died…?" Sansa was about to ask him if he died fighting honorably to protect his home and children, but he stopped her laughing "He didn't die fighting, little bird, if that's what you were about to ask me. He died on a hunting trip, like King Robert. Assuming he really died that way." that thought escaped him.

Sandor had never quite believed the story of his brother having gone hunting with his father that day; part of him believed that his father had died at Gregor's hand or otherwise.

"Did you weep for his death?" asked Sansa, barely turning her face away from him.

"What an idiotic question! No! There is nothing to mourn, the dead are dead. What is the point of wasting tears on someone who can no longer see or hear you?" he answered her abruptly.

Sansa just leaned her back against Sandor's armor-covered chest; she would have liked to tell him that she was sorry for his loss even though it had now happened many years before and that she would pray for him, but she was sure the Hound would not like the thought or give thanks.

"Why did you go into the service of the Lannisters?" asked Sansa after a few moments.

Sandor sighed and stopped his horse for a moment, looked around "What's going on?" asked Sansa noticing the man's inquiring gaze.

"Be quiet!" he admonished her "Soldiers coming. " he added and then set Stranger off at a gallop and fast forward into a forest, Sansa clinging with one hand to the horse's mane and with the other to the Hound's armor, which prompted Stranger to run even faster, Sansa was afraid of falling when the horse jumped over a small river, she begged the gods to allow her to live, to help her and then prayed that the Hound would also find some peace, he was a good man - deep in his heart - who must have suffered so much to become like that!

Stranger continued his gallop until Sandor pulled slightly on the reins and the horse slowed its gait, they crossed a small stream always in silence, then returned to the main road; Sandor stopped the horse and looked back, Sansa did the same, but she saw no one, she then observed the man asking him a mute question, "Danger past, little bird." he reassured her "We are almost at Harrenhal. But we will not stop there."

"Why?"

"It's not safe and then there's Tywin Lannister, you don't want him to recognize you and take you back to King's Landing!" at the very thought Sansa shuddered "Besides, I'm not going to go there, to that cursed fortress!"

"Are you superstitious then?"

"No, but if I can avoid death a little longer it's better!" he replied without looking away from the horizon, Sansa smiled imperceptibly "In what do you believe?" she asked him.

"In nothing but brute force!" he replied confidently "Nothing protects you more than the sword and your strength."

"Yet you must have believed in something as a child!" insisted Sansa, the man replied with a snort.

The two came to a miserable village, its houses were built half of stone and half of wood, its inhabitants populated the muddy streets, dogs ran free and others fought for a piece of meat, there were many children and parents with hollowed-out faces and pleading eyes for help. Stark felt pity for them "Dare to say a word and I'll tear your tongue out." the Hound admonished her brutally "Better if no one recognizes us: pull up your hood, hide your hair and look down." he continued in a less aggressive tone.

Sansa could have shouted for help and said that she was the Lady of Winterfell, perhaps someone would have recognized her and taken her home and snatched her from the clutches of the Hound who could do nothing but speak rancorous and frightening words to her, or perhaps they would have simply handed her over to the Lannisters in exchange for a loaf of bread.

No, Sansa could trust no one but the Hound, he - even if brutally - was protecting her.

Sandor set the girl down "Come." he told her simply and Sansa obeyed, they entered with their heads down into a place she recognized from the din to be an inn, there were few people there and so Sansa dared to barely raise her face to that of the man behind the counter "Welcome to the Moor Inn, how can I help you?"

"Give me some wine and chicken." replied Clegane handing the man some coins that Sansa imagined had been taken from someone else, the man cast a quick glance first at the Hound and then at Sansa "It will be cold tonight, why don't you stay here? There is a room upstairs, plus you can count on my discretion, ser."

The Hound looked at the man and replied, saying, "How much do you want?"

"Ten silver coins for the room and my silence."

Sansa looked up at the Hound, he was about to draw his sword, but Sansa laid a hand on his and then Sandor looked at her, what did the little girl intend to do?

"All right, ser." she replied, "Here you go." having said these words she slipped off a bracelet worth at least 30 gold pieces, Clegane thought.

The man looked first at the girl and then at the very precious bracelet without adding anything else.

Rather he made them have plenty of food and wine and the largest room in the inn, "Why didn't you tell me you had jewelry with you?" asked the Hound, looking at Sansa as she disgorged her leg of mutton. Sansa looked at him with those clear eyes that Sandor was slowly beginning to appreciate and replied, "I was afraid that if I told you, you would rob me and abandon me somewhere."

The Hound snorted and then downed another glass of wine "Doesn't it bother you to drink so much?" she asked as she saw him gobble down that red liquid.

"No, there is one thing that bothers me and that is stupid questions to which you can only give stupid answers. Do you want to know why I served the Lannisters? Because my father was one of their bannermen many, many years ago and because I only had a desire to kill and with them I could do it often." she fell silent "Here, drink." he invited her.

Sansa looked at the glass containing wine and then Sandor "If you don't do it, I'll drink it. Come on, try it, bad luck you'll have a headache tomorrow!" he reassured her in his own way, Sansa took the goblet and brought it to her lips and slowly drank some, it tasted decidedly strange so much so that she barely curled her lips causing the man to laugh.

"One more sip," he encouraged her.

"Tomorrow I'll make you pay for it," she threatened him.

"I tremble at the very thought." sneered Sandor at her.

She drank two more, four more, six more sips, finished a first, a second and a third glass.Sansa was definitely beside herself, laughing and joking with the Hound as if he were her friend rather than a man who was bringing her home.

"You are the bravest man I know, Sandor," she told him as he carried her into the room and laid her on the bed. Sansa under normal circumstances would never have called him by his name or referred to him as such. Her upbringing required her to maintain a certain detachment and superiority from others; after all, she was a Lady, not a commoner!

Sandor knew she was not herself, but nevertheless he felt flattered by the young girl's words, moved her hair and asked, "How are the scratches?"

"Better, they don't burn anymore. Thank you, thank you for what you did." she said, laying her hand on his cheek, on that cheek that the fire had irreparably ruined: he shuddered like a gasp, not because he felt pain, but because no one had ever touched him with that gentleness again, the last woman who had done so had been his mother when he was a child of about eight.

Sandor did not answer, he looked her straight in the eyes and she did not lower her gaze, the battered face of the Hound did not seem as frightening to her as it did a few weeks ago, it was almost comforting, it made her feel strangely safe, was it the wine?

He smiled, "Aren't you afraid of me? Until yesterday morning you were horrified by my face."

"I wasn't looking at you in horror, you're wrong. I was just thinking … that if you are like this it is because of something that has made you suffer so much that it has driven you to no longer believe in anyone except in hurting others whether by sword or words."

He smiled and then replied, "Bullshit!"

And instead, the little fucking bird was right, and how right she was: Sandor Clegane had not shed a tear or addressed any prayers since he was eleven years old, since his beloved mother had gone, he recalled that he had prayed for some god to take pity on her, to bring down her fever, to make those wounds heal, but no god had taken pity on her, nor had they heeded his prayers.

From then on the child never cried again, what was the use of crying?

The Hound made to get up and let her rest there on that bed that smelled of mold, but she grabbed his hand and asked, "Will you stay with me?"

Sandor looked at her surprised for a moment, then remembered that she spoke like that only because of the wine she had drunk, not because she really wanted to; nevertheless, he could not say no to her, on the contrary.

"Turn the other way." he ordered her, and Sansa rolled onto her side, leaving him plenty of room to stretch out. He took off his armor and leaned his belt with his dagger and sword against the wall, then lay down behind her.

She was already asleep, but he could not close his eyes: this was not the first time he had lain with a woman, he had had many for a night and for a fee, but never did one of them have the effect on him that that pure little girl had on him. He felt-some strange form of tenderness toward her. He felt something that was still not quite clear to him. He barely held onto her and smelled the scent of her hair, wanted to caress it, wanted to caress that face that was so sweet and proud, wanted to … he didn't quite know himself.

The next day Sandor woke up with the sun illuminating the room, Sansa was practically clinging to him asleep, and he was … in an indecent state … if only the little one had seen the effect she had on him, she would have blushed and hid.

It was not the first time it happened to him when someone slept near him, but for the first time he felt uncomfortable. He even found himself thinking about her and how she would never give herself to him, the Hound, the broken and disfigured-faced Man, ever. Sandor loosened the embrace that held him bound to her and, after making himself presentable, walked out of the room, he had to drink.

The Hound came down and sat down on a stool, asked for wine, but the woman behind the counter - who must have been the wife of the man Sansa and Sandor had met before - reminded him that they never served wine before the Sun went down, Sandor got up from there using a series of epithets and profanities that would have made the people of Flea Bottom blush. What he found around was only water, water and more damn water.

He returned to the inn and ascended without giving the woman a glance; he could screw her and her rules!

He would find what he was looking for elsewhere.

When he opened the door to their room, Sandor saw Sansa standing intent on observing her little body: it was full of bruises and scratches; she touched the scratches in the cleft between her breasts slowly and then touched her inner thigh. Sandor almost felt the instinct to walk into the room and kiss that once nubile and perfect little body of hers, now full of cuts.

He did not do this, however. Sandor just stared at his young companion and felt … helpless, wished he could do more, be able to say the right things, to tell her what she wanted to hear, felt a strange and somewhat disturbing sweetness make its way into him.

Where did it come from?

Sandor had never experienced such a feeling; what was happening to him?

He decided to regain control over himself and remember who he was, he was Sandor Clegane, the terrible, violent and aggressive Hound, he had taken Stark with him only to make a profit, then he would leave and abandon Stark there, what was warming his heart was only a momentary thing and surely due to sobriety!

Yes, he was there with her only for money, nothing else.

Sandor opened the door and in doing so heard her reach for something, when he saw her, she was wearing her cloak, "Please, I have not yet finished dressing. Wait for me outside." she almost begged him, and he, obedient as a dog, backed away without saying anything to her. He waited outside.

Clegane remained in total silence feeling his heart oddly beating in his chest.

He decided to regain control of the situation with one of his usual stinging phrases that would make things go back to the way they were, opened the door again and saw that Sansa was fixing her hair with her hands and he had the desire to run a hand through her red hair himself, who knows how soft it must have been!

Sansa noticed his presence and so turned around smiling innocently at him, "I'm ready."

"Good, I don't have all fucking day to lose!" he blurted out causing her to lose her smile.

Why did it hurt him so much now to make her lose her smile?

"Fine." she replied in a cold tone "Anytime." she added reaching out to him and returning his cloak. Sandor felt small, small despite being much taller than her and much stronger than Stark, he felt as if he had just received a punch that took his breath away. He followed her a few steps away, Sansa politely greeted the woman using what to him seemed to be a bunch of bullshit made to dazzle the idiots on duty, then walked out.

Sandor, on the other hand, taking advantage of the girl's distance, approached the woman and demanded that she return the bracelet they had appropriated a few hours earlier; the woman, frightened by the man's dagger and surely also by his appearance, returned what Sansa had previously given to pay for her lodging.

Sansa watched as Sandor mounted on Stranger behind her, then rammed him and they quickly left the inn behind them. Sansa could not understand the man who went to such great lengths for her but did everything he could to keep her away.

What was he trying to prove?

That he was tough? He was.

That he was above everything and everyone? Maybe.

Sansa strove not to make remarks that might irritate the man and also tried to be as less talkative as possible, to use the Hound's terms, strove not to chirp in order to avoid phrases pregnant with irritation from her companion.

#sansan #sansa stark #sandor clegane #sansa x sandor #asoiaf #the hound and the little bird #game of thrones #game of thrones fic #sansan ff #sansa x the hound #the houndxsansa #the hound #game of thrones fanfiction #the princess in the north and the hound #tpitnath #fanfic #got #got fanfiction #got fic #richard armitage #sophie turner #sansa x sandor ff

[kakairuficfinder]

Personal Favorites

These are the KKIR fics that really resonated with me. I hope you love them as much as I have.

The Last Mission by Flailinginlove [M, 69K]

When a badly burnt body wearing Iruka's dog tags is found just inside Fire Country's borders, Tsunade demands answers. Kakashi's tags are a heavy weight against Iruka's chest as he tells her about the relationship they've kept hidden for years, the one he'll have to start referring to in the past tense. It isn't until he gets home that he notices something engraved on the charred metal of his tags: a coded, one-word message meant just for him. It's the only clue he has, not much to go on, but that won't stop him from doing everything he can to bring Kakashi safely home.

Icha Icha Nights by Adelaida, anniemaar, flailinginlove [E, 50K]

A foolish bet is going to get Iruka and his friends killed if he can't find a way to save them from the ruthless king who has imprisoned them. Each night he tells the king stories to buy them more time, but in between the lewd tales he spins, he discovers that not all of his friends are what they seem and neither is the king.

Anata by TumblingTroublesomeTumbleweeds [E, 55k]

Kakashi has decided to stealth date his way into Iruka’s future. … Snapshots of Kakashi and Iruka being totally married even though Iruka doesn’t exactly realize that they’re totally married. Neither does the rest of Konoha. But Kakashi does.

My Yakuza Boyfriend by decaf_kitty [E, 55k]

Kakashi Hatake is a disgraced cop with no options left. So he joins the local yakuza family. His boss, Iruka Umino, is beautiful and dangerous. Of course, Kakashi falls in love with him the instant they meet.

The Shinobi Bachelor by PerfectNezumi [T, 66K]

The Elders want Kakashi to produce a heir to his bloodline, so Tsunade sets up a competition for him to find his soulmate.

Uncomplicated by wizardinblack [E, 63K]

After a rough break up Iruka turns to the world of online dating in a desperate attempt to get laid. He meets Kakashi and things are totally great and not complicated at all!

(Run) Far Away from Home by chuchisushi [T, 31K]

A Princess Mononoke AU: It's a long journey west for a cursed former-prince, and he finds nothing for his troubles except a bloody war, a beautiful man raised by wolves, and a new beginning.

Love, Karate, and the Things We Lose to Find Ourselves by nbdweeb [M, 49K]

After years of working as a child and family social worker, Iruka Umino decided he was ready to start a family of his own, and his college sweetheart turned husband Mizuki Touji was cautiously along for the ride. When an emergency case came across his desk one day, Iruka knew he'd met his son. That's how two year old Naruto found his way into their lives, and for a brief moment, Iruka held everything he'd ever wanted in the palm of his hand. Or so he thought. Before he knows it, Iruka has a rambunctious 7 year old on his hands. Parenthood isn't easy, neither is his marriage, but he always manages to maintain his carefully constructed life. But when Naruto starts acting out at school and at home, Mizuki's already thinning patience runs out and things take a turn for the worst. Caught between an angry spouse and a distressed child, Iruka is at a loss for what to do until he stumbles across a newspaper ad for karate classes. He thinks he's found the perfect solution; an outlet for Naruto and a reprieve from the trouble at home. When they enter Konoha Martial Arts Studio for the first time, Iruka has no idea how the handsome and kindhearted instructor Kakashi Hatake would change their lives forever.

Take Me Home by masc_malfunction [M, 44K]

Ask around, and anyone would tell you the same: Kakashi Hatake is bad news. He's cocky, he's brazen, and his gang is infamous for being impossible to take down. Rumors are always flying around town, about his age, his looks, his more unsavory behaviors…frequently, about if there was anyone who could be a match for him.

Tunnel Vision by demonofabove [NR, 24K]

Kakashi is asked to look after Iruka, who has amnesia. It would ordinarily be an easy mission; but things are much more complex than he expects… Because apparently, Iruka thinks they're dating.

Perfect Storm by aoiandplayer3 [E, 38K]

Stuck together because of a storm, two teachers fall for each other. Kind of fluffy.

Strange by decaf_kitty [E, 86K]

Iruka Umino is a lone werewolf without a pack; he spends most of his time working downtown cleaning hotel rooms and taking care of Naruto, a youkai fox. But he's recently started to notice a soft strange scent in the city, and he wants to know its source. After hunting it down, Iruka finds a silver-haired man with a scar on his face, and he unpredictably loses himself in lust.

You Are by OneSaltyLeo [E, 11K]

Iruka hasn't felt well in a long time, not since the scar was applied to his face. What he's contemplating has been building for years, but just when it all reaches its climax, just when he's ready to hit delete on everything, something strange shows up in his Inbox.

There You Are, There You Are by CountingNothings [M, 94K]

Sometimes, when you don't believe you deserve the good thing that’s coming for you, you spend a lot of time trying to jump out of the way. Kakashi and Iruka are shinobi. Evasion is almost second nature. (It begins with a long weekend onsen meet-cute, and then, as is only right for two people who love romance novels as much as they do, it takes ten years for them to figure out that they're in one.)

A Liar in Babel by surveycorpsjean [E, 35K]

Iruka narrows his eyes and crosses his arms. “Tell me why I’m here.” “You need the money,” Kakashi says, brunt and cruel. “And I need a sugar baby.”

I'll Fall, If You Do by ladyxdaydream [M, 89K]

College was rapidly coming to an end and Iruka had his whole future planned out. Or, well, at least he thought he did. But how could he account for the stranger who would veer him so desperately off course?

One More Light by tmo

How time traveler Kakashi met the love of his life. Romance Trope 5: A character is constantly misplaced in time, but still attempts to lead some semblance of a normal life with their loved one (source: The Time-Traveler's Wife, by Audrey Niffenegger)

The Bijozakura Seal by megyal [M, 38K]

Kakashi and Iruka are bonded together, entirely against their wishes. While Iruka begins to deal with it, Kakashi still has… doubts.

I Kissed a Boy (And I Liked It) by My_private_tsukuyomi [T, 15K]

Kakashi Hatake was sixteen and never been kissed, a fact that, according to some of his friends, was a travesty. However, girls just never appealed to him, and he didn't know why. He finds out when an everyday act suddenly causes his entire world to tilt on its axis.

The culprit? A tube of cherry chapstick.

Catch A Falling Star by My_private_tsukuyomi [E, 44K]

After the things he's suffered, Kakashi was convinced that, outside of the dance that had always been his solace, feelings were something best left to others. Feelings, especially love, were dangerous and only brought pain. Then a chance encounter and a single dance with a handsome stranger threatened to tear all of his carefully constructed walls to shreds. Was it even possible to allow himself to trust after all this time? What is it about Iruka Umino that makes him want to try?

#kkir fic recommendations #personal favorite fics

[strawberry-milkshake-cow]

Yuu and friends go to disney world!

Yuu and their twisted friends get a week off school so you decide to take them to disney world for the first time what will happen? Lets find out.

Warnings- none just fluff, may have some typos.

Nonbinary reader

Charecters- all charecters plus staff :)

This will be multiple parts- part 1: before the trip

Whats happening before the trip? How do you get evreyone on board? Where are they sitting on the bus? Find out below

~~~

You get off school for a week but the students dont get to go home yet since the mirrors are being repaired so you decide to take them to disney world after seeing an ad for it it looks just like the one in your world but more tailored to the villans it looked like so much fun! Now to get evreyone on board you set a plan in motion.

Grim

Your feline companion was resting in a patch of sunlight on the ramshackle floors you gently shook him awake "hey grim~ i have an idea" you said happily grim looked at you confused and slightly annoyed that he was woken from his nap. "What do you want henchman?" He yawns as you explain your plan "why should i go" he crossed his arms you smiled you only had one awnser for that "theres lots of yummy food there." With that grim was in and ready to go.

First years-

Ace

You knew ace wouldnt be so easily swayed as grim with a simple mention of food. No instead you would have to work his ego in your favor. And duece was easy enough. You quickly found him and duece arguing as usual "oh boys!" You called out with a grin. They turned to look at you "hey prefect." "Hello!" They said happily greeting you. You sat down and explained your plan. "I dont feel like going all the way over there." Said ace being stubborn as always. you sighed "well i guess it makes sense. You would be to scared for the roller coasters anyways." That got him. He quickly agreeed and challened duece im the provess causeing a two for one combo.

Jack-

Jack was another tough one. You can barely read him at all. So you would need to think very carefully about how to approach this. You found him working out and walked over "hey jack!" All he did was nod in greeting you quickly explained your little trip. He thought for a moment "im not sure im pretty busy i dont have time for a childish thing like that" you thought for a moment "well... what if some creep tries to bother me and grim? I dont have any magic and grim can only use fire i could use a big strong bodygaurd for the day or i may not make it back." You said with a dramatic sigh jack grumbled about it but agreed

Epel

Epel was easy if he put up a fight the same routine with jack would work just as well on him, Even better. He completly agrees with the idea because its away to get vil off his back and it would be his first time there

Sebek

Lets face it hes not going until malleus agrees.

When maus does agree wether you ask him or not hes coming along.

Other nrc students-

Cater

Cater is going the second you tell him. Do you realize how many magicam worthy things he will gain out of this? You fin him taking selfies and walk over and start your routine just as you predicted hes head over heels in love with this idea.

Ruggie

Ruggie doesnt see a problem with this idea so he dosnt mind tagging alog after all like grim just mention all the yummy food and you will be good

Floyd

Another one who is happy with this idea it sounds like so much fun to him and hes in the right mood so i wont take much convincing but he will want to go the moment you mention it so i would save him for last

Ortho

Also apart of the happy gang! He will definitely help you convince ida as well this sounds like a perfect opportunity for idia to make new friends!

Silver

As long as he can sleep he dosnt care where he is his father will definelty drag him along anyways when he hears about this so he agrees

Vice dorm leaders-

Trey

He definetly wants to try out the sweets this place has to offer and learn from them so he will be tagging along happily

Jade

Once he hears it from his brother its all over for any chance of argument floyd is dragging him alog wether he likes it of not besides it will certainly be interesting.

Jamil

Once you tell kalim like jade its all over for argument he has no choice but to tag along.

Rook

He is so excited for this its kinda creepy. He will gush about how amazing this will be that whole time until you get there.

Lilia

He is definetly going now that you told nothing will stop him from coming and bringing the whole disamnoa family hes in summer father mode and ready to go

Housewardens-

Riddle

It will take some convinceing after all his mother would never let him go to a normal park much less and amusement park but you explain all the yummy strawberry sweets and that you need someone to keep evreyone in line then hes in

Leona

Probably really lazy about it so it will be hard to convince him to come you will need to threaten his peace saying you will wake him up from evrey nap he ever takes if he doant agree. Trust me then he will.

Azul

This man will somehow tirn this in to a buissness opportunity i have no clue how but he will. So hes in and will make profit off of this trip.

Kalim

Oh hes so ready this sounds like the best thing in the world to him he eill be dragging jamil around aswell

Vil

Probably the hardest to convince after all he is so busy but he realuzed he had a role in a dusney productions movie coming up maybe he could learn some things about his charecter while he is there plus epel and rook are so excited he will make sure everyone looks their best

Idia

Very hard to convince him to go but ortho is definetly a big help so with enough peer pressure he finnally agrees so you leave him alone.

Mallus

Litterlly on cloud nine to be invited anywhere. Hes coming no taking it back now.

Staff-

Crowley

Once he overheards the idea from someone he comes up and graciously offers to chaporone this even in one of the schools old busses they rarely use anymore he also tells the other staff ti come

Crewl

Told by crowly he has to make sure his pups stay in line after all.

Trein + lucius

Hes bringing the cat. He will turn yhis into a history lesson aswell.

Vargas

Hes making sure you all exercise while your there

Sam

Hes more than happy to go he may even find new products for the store

Rsa students :) -

(You decide to call a few of your rsa friends and see if they want to come with!)

Neige

Hes very happy to join plus he gets to keep an eye on you hes a protective friend especially when your in a school full of villans you need someone to watch out for you!

Chenya

He heard riddle and trey were going so hes sure to follow! Besides it it sounds like a purr fect way to spent the after mew n

Najma viper

(Does she go to rsa i cant remember... oh well) shes happy to go shes your only female friend after all! Besides her brother will be there to for some sibling bonding

Cheka

Leona was forced on babysitting duty again so hes coming along super excited

Bonus! their roles on the trip

Crewel- the driver no one else can be tristed driving or there will be a crash.

Riddle- is enforcing the rules. Making sure evreyone stays in line

Cater is taking a million photos of the trip

Trey is making sure evreyone is making logical desisions hes the smart ine and can fix most problems

Yuu- you are the you need to make sure evreyone is getting along and no overblots

Ace and duece and making sure evreything stays lively ace keeps trying to pull pranks but duece is keeping him in line

Lilias in dad node making sure everyone is happy and having fun or else

Trein is trying to lecture history of disney world

Crowly is reading a book being useless

Sam is talking with azul about buissness

Grim is taking a nap with treins cat

Najma is helping you keep things calm

Silver is sleeping

Jade and floyd are being scary

Kalim is bothering idia withe ortho and jamil watch

Sebek is being sebek hanging around malleus

Rook is helping with epel while neige chats with vil

Chenya is just being a menace

Cheka is being a little kid and chating with jack and ruggie while leona sleeps

Pt 2 will be about your living situation fir the week bye bye

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #fanfic #disney #riddle rosehearts x reader #twst leona #x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #kalim al asim x reader #vil schoenheit x reader #idia shroud x reader #malleus x reader

[enid-rhees]

Alrighty, I've got ✨ideas✨...

Non-apocalyptic Enid au!!

1. Enid works at a coffee shop. Reader goes there everyday for coffee (and because she finds Enid intriguing-). Eventually reader is just going there so she can see Enid. Reader even saves the coffee cups Enid hands to her ✋-

They both basically end up friends to lovers! Reader always blushing when Enid calls her name, hands her the coffee, etc.

(maybe a two part series where the eventually fuck on the counter once the coffee shop is closed hehe)

okay i need to write this . like so badly i need to write this now . i’m so obsessed with coffee shop aus and . i just love this idea so bad. hope you enjoy 🩷🩷

warnings: a bit suggestive but towards the end of the story.

this also turned more into a love at first sight type story :)

a/n: hope you all enjoy! requests are open! just read pinned for rules if you’d like to request :)

you were so running late for your college class, but you were so tired and just needed a coffee. you walked into the quiet cafe, rubbing your eyes so they could adjust to the words on the menu above you.

“hi! what could i get for you?” a soft voice asked. you looked back down, heart stopping when you made eye contact with the girl in front of you.

she had shortish light brown hair, and these beautiful green eyes. her apron had mini pins attached to it, one was a small rainbow and the other a smiley face.

“miss?” she questioned. you snapped back into reality, your face heating up. “sorry,” you chuckled. “um… just a large iced coffee with caramel… and cream and sugar.”

she grabbed a cup and pulled out a sharpie, “name?” she asked.

“uh, Y/N.” you mumbled, fumbling with your wallet to pull out your card. the girl smiled as she wrote it down, “alright, it’ll be ready in a few minutes. your total is $3.06.” you inserted your card into the card reader, and added a tip that was way more than the drink itself.

you sat down in a chair and scrolled through Twitter as you waited for your drink to be done. after a few minutes, you put your phone away and watched the girl make your coffee. you realized she was the only one working at the moment, but luckily you were the only person in the cafe.

she bit her lip in concentration as she added the caramel sauce, slowly stirring it. you smiled, just admiring her.

the girl turned around and reached for a cap. she snapped it onto the cup and brought it over to the other side of the counter with a straw. you stood up and went to grab it from her hands.

briefly, your hands touched as you took it out of her grip. your face burned once more but you quickly shook it off, “thank you uh..” you looked down at her name tag. “Enid. thank you.”

she smiled beautifully, “of course. have a great rest of your day!” you smiled back, “you too.”

when you walked out of the shop and crossed the street to get to your college campus, you took a look at the cup.

you nearly dropped it when you saw how she had written your name.

‘Y/N <3’

part of you assumed she did that with every customer, but another part of you wanted to believe that she did that just for you. but that would’ve been crazy, right? that was your first time ever seeing her, she couldn’t possibly think of you like that already.

but part of you hoped she did.

you ran down the hallway of the building. your classroom was all the way at the end, something you despised more than anything. swinging the door open, you scanned the room until you found the empty seat next to your friend, Lydia.

with a sigh of relief that she actually came to class this time, you sat down next to her. “why are you late?!” Lydia whisper-yelled.

“i woke up late and got coffee!” you responded, shaking the cup in front of her. she grabbed your wrist so you stopped shaking the cup and looked at it with wide eyes.

“what’s this?” she asked, pointing to the heart. a smile made its way to your lips, “the barista did that.”

“tell me everything. now.” she demanded. you giggled, feeling your face heat up once more. “i mean- it wasn’t anything groundbreaking. it was my first time seeing her and i literally froze and embarrassed myself. i told her my name for the cup and she just… put it there.”

Lydia hit your arm multiple times in excitement. “stop!” you laughed. “it probably didn’t mean anything, she could do it to every other customer as well.” you told her.

“whats her name?” she asked. “Enid.” you answered, smiling just at the mention of her name.

-

it was raining the next day, but you still wanted to go back into that cafe across from your campus. and of course, you didn’t even own an umbrella.

you ran into the cafe, drying your shoes on the welcome mat below you. “hi, welcome in.” the familiar soft voice spoke. you looked up at the counter, smiling when you saw Enid behind it. “hey,”

“what can i get for you, today?” she asked. “large caramel iced coffee with cream and sugar, please.” you responded, reaching into your soaked pockets for your wallet.

Enid bit her lip to hold back a smile as she grabbed a cup and wrote your name on it. she didn’t even ask you for it. when you inserted the card into the card reader, you pulled out a ten dollar bill and a five, dropping into Enid’s tip jar. Enid blushed.

“do you… work here by yourself?” you questioned. “no,” she responded, shaking her head. “i mean- i work the morning shift by myself, my other coworkers come in later.”

“doesn’t it get boring? being by yourself like this?” Enid shrugged, “not really, no. it’s kinda nice, actually. and i get to drink as many coffees and latte’s as i want.” she giggled, causing you to giggle as well.

Enid stirred the caramel sauce into the coffee and placed the cap on it, inserting the straw herself. “here you go,” she smiled widely.

you took a sip and groaned almost dramatically. “how do you manage to make this perfectly every time?”

Enid laughed, hiding her red face. “i’ve only made it for you twice,” she said. “and it’s been perfect both times. thank you, Enid.”

“of course. you go to the college across the street, yeah?” you nodded, taking another sip of the coffee. “yeah, i do.”

“well, i hope you have a good day in class.” she told you. you smiled at her, “thanks, Enid. have a good day!”

when you left the cafe, you slipped your hoodie on and made your way into your campus building. you turned your cup around, seeing what she wrote today.

Enid had surrounded your name in little hearts, along with a smiley face next to it. you couldn’t control the huge smile that painted your lips as you walked into your classroom.

“what’s with the smile?” Lydia asked cautiously, squinting her eyes at you. you showed your cup and her eyes widened.

“Y/N! she’s literally in love with you. no one just… puts hearts around like that! you need to shoot your shot.”

“stop! that’s just not true… it’s been two days!” Lydia rolled her eyes, “you are so stubborn it’s insane. if you don’t have her number by tomorrow i will do it myself.”

“no the fuck you will not.” you warned, pointing a finger at her. Lydia raised her hands in defense, “then talk to her! get to know her! she seems to actually like you, Y/N. i’m being serious, no one writes that on someone’s cup for no reason!”

you sighed, flipping your notebook open. “okay, fine. i’ll… see what i can do tomorrow.” you told her. “you better. or i’ll…. i’ll take your credit card.”

you fake gasped, pretending to act scared. “yeah, okay. try that without losing your limbs.”

Lydia pushed your shoulder and you laughed, taking a sip of what could be the best cup of iced coffee you’ve ever had. you needed to go back.

-

before you left your dorm, you actually took your time doing your makeup. you put eyeshadow, blush, lip gloss and eyeliner. you double checked yourself in the mirror at least three times, fixing your outfit, straightening out the fabric and even practicing stupid, cringey lines in the mirror.

you took a deep breath and left the bathroom, grabbing your keys from the table and exiting your dorm. your fingers fumbled with each other as you walked the small distance to the cafe.

when you reached the building, you peered through the window first, your eyes searching for Enid. she sat behind the counter, leaning against it.

“okay,” you whispered to yourself. “don’t.. fuck this up.”

you walked into the cafe and Enid turned her head towards the door, smiling instantly. her face lit up as she moved to stand in front of you from behind the counter.

“hi.” she said, unable to contain her smile. “hi.” you responded, mirroring that same smile. “you… you did your makeup.”

“yeah! yeah… i wanted to do something different… i guess.” you chuckled nervously. you weren’t exactly able to tell what she was thinking. she could’ve hated it for all you knew.

“i love it. you look- you look really pretty.” she told you, fumbling with her fingers nervously. “thank you, Enid.” you said, trying to ignore the heat rushing to your face.

“and i kind of already…” Enid trailed off, and turned around. she reached for something on the counter and then turned back to you, holding a cup of caramel iced coffee.

“oh- Enid, you didn’t have to.” you told her, taking the cup out of her hands. she shrugged, “i was waiting for you.”

you swore your heart almost exploded when she said that. you set the cup down and reached into your pocket for your wallet. “don’t.” Enid said. “it’s on the house.”

“Enid!” you whined, “you did not have to do that.” she shrugged once more, “i didn’t. but i wanted to.”

you still took out two 10s from your wallet, and handed them to her. Enid shook her head, “this is way too much.” she put her hand out to give the money back to you, but you backed away slightly.

“nope. that’s for you. keep it.” she groaned and slipped it inside her apron pocket. you looked at the clock on the wall, realizing that you were once again late for your class.

“fuck- i’m late again. i’ll- i’ll see you… tomorrow?” you asked her. “yep. i’m always here. see you tomorrow, Y/N.”

you smiled at her again and quickly exited the cafe. but once you reached the doors, you realized you had forgotten to ask for her number. you almost cussed yourself out until you took another sip of the coffee and noticed writing on the back.

‘maybe we can have coffee together sometime? :) xxx-xxx-xxx . Enid <3’

your heart nearly bursted out of your chest as you stared at those numbers. as you walked down the hallway to your class, you started to type them into a new contact.

when you walked into the classroom, Lydia wasn’t even there. you scoffed with a laugh and a shake of your head when you sat down.

you pulled your phone back out, finger hovering over ‘send message’ button. swallowing the knot in your throat, you clicked on it.

now for the hard part: try to figure out what to say without sounding stupid and embarrassing yourself.

you had to have typed out at least ten variations of the same sentence, and deleted each and every one of them. but you decided that maybe your first message her doesn’t have to be something grand, and you should just start simple.

‘hey :)’ you typed out, and finally hit send. you quickly put your phone on do not disturb and set it down, trying to busy yourself with your class work. your leg shook with anxiousness.

you gave up and took your phone off dnd, and there was already a message back from Enid. your heart started to race as you opened it as quickly as you could.

Enid <3: hey :) guessing you saw my writing? haha

you bit back a smile, wanting to kick your feet and giggle like a fucking child.

you: of course i did. so… about having coffee together..? when are you free?

Enid <3: are you busy later tonight? around 6 maybe? the cafe closes early tonight, but i’m allowed to keep it open just for us if you’d like :))

you and Enid… alone together in the cafe. your eyes scanned over that message repeatedly. just for us.

you: i’d love that actually :]

Enid <3: perfect. i’ll see you at 6 <3

you took a deep breath, leaning your head down on the cold desk below you as you smiled widely to yourself.

-

“Lydia, i’m freaking out why the FUCK did you not come to class today? you little shit.” you shouted into the phone, pacing your bedroom back and forth.

“i slept through my alarms I’m sorry! what’s going on, though?” Lydia asked. “Enid asked me on a date! at least i think it’s a date. she wrote her number on the cup and i texted her and then she asked if i was free tonight and then-“

“woah! slow the fuck down, Y/N! Enid asked you on a date?” you groaned, “YES!and you weren’t there for support! i’m freaking the fuck out, Lydia! our date is in a fucking hour!”

“okay- okay. you need to calm down, first of all. do you have an outfit planned?” she questioned. “no! that’s another problem. i don’t have a fucking outfit!”

you couldn’t see her, but you knew Lydia was sighing and shaking her head on the other side, annoyed with your antics.

“where is the date happening? Lydia asked. “at the cafe.”

“okay! so there’s a starter, you don’t have to dress up. why not wear a simple flannel and jeans. that’s like your entire wardrobe. maybe leave a few of the buttons down to tease her.”

you stared at your closet, “that’s not the worst idea you’ve had.” you mumbled. “what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“nothing! okay, i’m going with the flannel, bye now.”

“wait-“ you hung up and threw your phone on your bed, pulling out a blue and white flannel. you slipped it on and buttoned the buttons until right above your chest, leaving a huge part of it open, and showing part of your cleavage.

you ran into the bathroom to check your makeup. part of it was already fading due to it being on your face all day. you scrambled to find the eyeshadow pallet and your eyeliner.

when you finished, you sighed and just stared at yourself in the mirror for a few minutes.

your text tone went off in the other room, breaking you out of your trance. you walked back into your room and clicked on the message.

Enid <3: the cafe is all closed up! you can come whenever :)

you smiled at the message, biting your lip to hold back an ever wider smile.

you: on my way :))

your heart was racing faster than it ever had before. you’ve never really been on dates before, but now you have one with the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen.

how was this even real?

after taking a deep breath and looking in the mirror one more time, you grabbed your keys off the table and left your dorm. your mind was going a million miles an hour, racing with every possibility this date could end with. bad, good, extremely good, or really bad.

the cafe came into your sight and your chest tightened. this was really happening. through the window, you could see Enid wiping off a table, and rearranging the stuff already on it to make it neat.

a smile made its way to your lips at how cute she looked while busy. you opened the cafe door with a shaky hand and stepped in. Enid looked up at the noise, smiling when she realized it was you.

“Y/N, you actually came.” you furrowed your eyebrows with a confused smile, “why… wouldn’t i?”

she shrugged, walking closer to you. “i don’t know. just thought maybe you’re too cool to go on a silly date at a cafe.” her eyes briefly looked down at your chest, and her face turned red.

you laughed, “i think you’re overestimating my standards here. this is perfect.”

“good. because i set up a table for us.” Enid took your hand and led you down to a table. your face burned at the contact.

at a table near the back of the cafe, Enid had set it up with drinks and pastries for both of you. you felt like your heart was about to explode at the sight of it.

“do- do you like it? i wasn’t sure if you liked these churros but-“

“it’s perfect, Enid.” you told her, sitting down across from her. “seriously. it’s absolutely perfect. these fucking churros are to die for and i mean that.”

Enid giggled, taking a bite out of hers. “and uh, i didn’t think you’d want coffee this late, so i made you a strawberry lemonade.” you took a sip, eyes widening at the taste.

“that drink is incredible, Enid. oh my god. you are… a drink making genius and i love it.”

what the fuck does that even mean?

“okay, i’m not that good! you think too highly of me.” she responded. you shook your head, “no, you truly make the best drinks.”

“okay, whatever you say.” Enid smiled, taking a sip of her drink as well. “so, Y/N… i really wanna get to know you and i’m sure you’ve been thinking the same about me. so we can start simple. what are you uh, studying in college?”

you wiped the sugar from the churros off your hands with a napkin, “psychology.” you responded. “i plan on getting my masters. so i can actually… go somewhere with it.”

“that’s really nice. are you liking it?” you chuckled, “it was definitely a choice to get into that field. but yeah, i like it. are you currently doing anything?”

“i’m taking a year off to get more money for when i go back.” Enid answered, “i was thinking about doing that. what were you studying?”

“cosmetology! it seemed simple… but it took quite a bit of money out of me,” she told you, laughing slightly afterwards.

“okay, we won’t talk about college for too long. tell me, Y/N…. favorite movies?” Enid asked. “if we’re basically playing twenty questions i am so down for that.”

Enid laughed again, and you swore it sounded more heavenly each time. “i really like Coraline, and basically any Spider-Man movie you throw at me. and i’d also say… The Parent Trap and Big Hero 6.”

“you have immaculate taste.”

you and Enid continued to talk about your interests for what felt like hours. (four hours to be exact.) there were so many things the two of you had in common, and it left you wondering why you’ve never met before this.

Enid was passionate about everything she talked about, she went into details about everything and even the small things. something about it made you fall harder for her.

she listened intently every time you spoke as well, like she wanted to remember every little detail about you.

you two had gone through multiple lemonades and more churros than you could process, but tonight was easily one of the best nights you’ve ever had.

“i uh, should probably get going soon. i have class tomorrow.” you smiled sadly. “right- yeah, you’re right. before you leave… do you want another lemonade?”

“yeah, that would actually be great.” you told her softly. Enid went behind the counter and quickly made another drink.

she handed it to you by the door. “i had a lot of fun tonight, Enid.” you told her. “and genuinely, probably of the best nights i’ve had.”

“i could say the same. tonight was great.” she smiled. Enid stepped closer to you, until you were only centimeters apart. your breath hitched as you realized how close your lips were.

Enid took the first move, leaning forward and connecting your lips. you blindly set the drink down and cupped her face in your hands. her hands went down to your waist, pulling you against her completely as your lips moved in sync.

the kiss went on for another minute before Enid pulled away to breathe, leaning her head on yours. she pulled you into another kiss after a few seconds, not being able to get enough of you.

“Enid,” you whispered. she pulled away, not breaking eye contact with you. you were in such a haze, “come home with me.”

her pupils widened, and Enid didn’t waste a second in taking your hand and pulling you out of the cafe.



#enid rhee #enid twd #enid rhee x reader #enid rhee x fem!reader #the walking dead #the walking dead x reader #twd #twd x reader

[ashcal99]

Golden Hour : Rosalie Hale~

Prologue

"She's got glitter for skin, my radiant beam in the night. I don't need no light to see you shine. You slow down time in your golden hour."

Summary: By the young age of twenty years old, Grayson Cly had been through his fair share of trauma. Trauma that had left him a single father. Trauma that only grew more complicated when he joined his cousin Sam Uley as a shape shifting wolf. But, what happens when he imprints on the one thing he was born to protect the world from? Can he stick to his instincts when it comes to that protection, or will the persistence of that imprint derail his life even more?

Warnings: Eventual smut (18+ only), mentions of death, depression, violence, general angst, slow burn

Words: 1.2k

A/N: Not sure how many parts this will be but yahhhh. Comment if I missed any warning or anything plz. Lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list thnx.

Soundtrack

Series Masterlist

------------

Grayson had always been mature for his age, taking every shocking thing that came his way with stride. So, when his girlfriend, Evelyn, of three years became pregnant with his child the beginning of their senior year, he promised himself he would be a better father than his had been for him. A father that their child deserved. His life had of course grown more complicated given the baby that grew more and more day by day, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Of course he was terrified. Terrified of not being enough, terrified of what this meant for not only his future, but Evelyn’s as well. That didn’t stop him from being excited at the end of the day. Deep down, he knew that this was what he was made for, the instinct of being a parent seemingly being born inside of him. So, when the day came that the contractions started, he had felt as prepared as possible, despite the butterflies filling his stomach. He had held her hand throughout the entire labor, her squeezing so hard that he was sure she would end up braking something. 

The cry of his son as he entered the world made him the happiest he had ever been in his life. And then everything else shattered around him. Everything was seemingly fine, until the bleeding wouldn’t stop. So much blood. Something was horribly wrong, that much was obvious, and the panic began to set in. There was nothing he could do, but sit back and pray to whatever god there was that the doctor would be able to save her. In the end, his prayers weren’t enough, and what had been the happiest day of his life had quickly also become the worst. 

So as he sat there, on the plush worn out cushions of his mother’s couch, just days after loosing the love of his life, he stared into the beautiful eyes of his child. The same eyes that he had gotten from his mother, and he allowed himself to feel the pain of her loss. The pain that left a gaping hole in his chest. Tears pricked at his eyes as he attempted to blink them away, but if there was one thing that he knew now to be true of grief is that it demanded to be felt. 

Despite the help his mother had been giving him in his time of need, the same mother who had raised him single handedly, he felt utterly alone in that moment. His heart ached so badly his whole body was sore as he realized that the beautiful child in his arms would never know just how wonderful his own mother had been. He would never feel the warmth of his mothers embrace, never feel the touch of her kiss on his forehead, and the thought sent his brimming tears over the edge. 

The big blue eyes of his son blinked up at him curiously as he eyed his father. Footsteps trailed into the room, a soft hand landing on his shoulder, flinching back as she felt the heat radiating off of his skin. “Why don’t you get some fresh air, Gray? You seem a little overheated.” She suggested, concern coating her voice as she gently took the baby from his arms, ushering him towards the back door. 

Grayson nodded, sniffling slightly as he moved forward, attempting to wipe the tears away as he pushed his body numbly to the door. A cool summer breeze blew through his hair as he shut the door behind himself, sucking in a shaky breath. The grief stabbed him in the chest, finally having been by himself long enough to feel all of the emotions he had been bottling up since her death. How was he expected to do this alone? Why her? She didn’t deserve to die, why was this world so cruel as to take her away from him?

An agonizing sob left his lips, the memory of her smile running through his mind.  A smile he would only ever see again on their son. Sudden anger flooded his heart, anger at whoever had taken the woman he had loved so dearly. Red hot pain seared through every inch of his being as something ripped inside of him. Fire raced across his skin, muscles tearing and growing back together all at once in a moment in time. Seconds morphed into hours of unbearable obliterating pain, before, almost like nothing happened at all, the pain vanished. It had taken a moment to realize anything had actually changed as his eyes trailed down to the ground that was occupied by a very large pair of paws nestled in the tall grass surrounding him, the white fur a stark contrast in the dark green landscape. The anger he had felt just moments ago vanished as it was quickly replaced by shock. 

“Don’t panic.” A voice rung through his mind. A voice he recognized. His eyes shot up to the large black wolf in front of him, knowing almost instantly who the figure was. Memories of the Quileute legends rushed through his mind as he realized that despite having learned the stories himself, the memories had been coming from the other wolf, seeing himself as a child within those memories. 

Suddenly everything was clear. It was all real, everything, and Sam was right there in front of him, explaining it all. They had grown up together, cousins on his mother’s side, spending hours upon hours together as children, so when the words had come from him, it had fairly quickly calmed the panic that had previously held a tight grip on his chest. 

So much had changed in so little time, it was almost as if he had reached his peek. So many emotions had been filling his heart in the past weeks that hearing that the legends were not only real, but included him didn’t set his world on its’ side like it should have. Vampires were real and the fact should have terrified him, but instead, knowing it gave him a sense of purpose. It was his job now to protect his child from the cold blooded monsters and he would be damned if he didn’t put every ounce of effort into doing so. 

As the months went on, the pack grew, along with the danger of the blood suckers around them. His newly found brothers created the strongly knit support system that he needed to cope through Evelyn’s death, and even though he knew he would never truly get over the loss that had left a gaping hole in his heart, he would try his best to be okay. To be the father that his son needed. To be the protection that he needed from the evil in this world, because there was no way in hell that he would ever let anything harm him.

Next Chapter -coming soon

#twilight #bella swan #edward cullen #eventual smut #slow burn #twilight smut #charlie swan #forks washington #leah clearwater #jacob black #jasper whitlock #esme cullen #eclipse #rosalie hale #rosalie cullen #rosalie lillian hale #esme #rosalie x reader #Rosalie x m!reader #Rosalie x m!oc #Rosalie Hale smut #Rosalie Cullen smut #Rosalie smut #twilight saga

[anxiouspineapple99]

Of Healing and Breaking Again

Chapter 4 Or the One in Which We Escape

Summary: On a mission for Cid The Batch encounters an unexpected ally. Together they uncover a sinister plan being concocted by the Empire that could prove catastrophic for the galaxy. Together they try to save their lost brother, stop the Empire, and come to terms with feelings they never thought would be possible.

Pairing: Tech x FemJedi!OC

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: implied sexual encounters, implied child abuse, medical terminology, injuries, mutual pining, violence

A/N: I am whumpin’ my girl hard. Will I let up soon? Eh unlikely because i love caretaker Tech 🤭 reblogs and comments are always loved and appreciated! Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list. And to the beautiful lovelies on my tag list already: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

What’s Happened So Far: Chapter 1 , Chapter 2 , Chapter 3

“Tech get us in the air!” Hunter couldn’t mask the dread in his voice. 

Avery was right, they had not been trained in fighting force sensitives. They’d always been on the same side, until now. The Force always made him uncomfortable and in this moment he understood why. It was a weapon he could not see and could not fight. 

“Working on it, Hunter!” Tech barked back impatiently. Echo marched in and took the copilot seat and prepared to assist Tech with the precariously rushed departure they were making. Meanwhile, Wrecker was still attempting to wrangle the flailing and distraught Omega as she fought to rush back down the boarding ramp. The air hung heavy, Hunter gripped Tech’s headrest until his knuckles were white as he tried to ground himself and plot their next move which would ensure his squad’s safety.

Hunter was broken from his thoughts by Omega’s blood curdling scream of Avery’s name. He rushed from the cockpit to Wrecker’s side. He stood frozen, still clutching Omega, tears and horror on both their faces as they stood at the top of the boarding ramp. Hunter could see Avery’s instinctive and reflexive grasping at her throat at the invisible hands, eyes wide and mouth agape as she collapsed to her knees, the Inquisitor watched with a sinister smile scrawled from his jaw all the way to his eyes. He was proud, no, excited to be watching the light in her eyes fading. Hunter also realized that Crosshair had looked away, his jaw clenched and his brow drawn into a  scowl. 

It bothers him. Even with the chip, seeing someone who defended him being tortured bothers him. He just can’t do anything. But we can.

“Wreck, get Omega out of sight! She doesn’t need to watch this! Tech! Get us as close to Avery as you can, we’re gonna try to get her back!”

Hunter grabbed his deece and crouched down. He knew shooting to kill was out of the question, but shooting to distract the Inquisitor enough that he lets Avery go so she can make a run for it? Might work.

“Alright Tech! Close enough!” He called, never taking his eyes off the target.

Inhale, exhale, pull the trigger. He dropped to the floor of the Marauder and waited. Luckily his distraction worked. The unexpected blaster bolt hitting the ground by his feet had distracted the Inquisitor enough that he’d, momentarily, released his hold on Avery.

She hit the ground gasping and desperately trying to shake the stars that clouded her vision. She could see the Marauder, Tech was hovering just low enough. She could probably land a Force jump to the boarding ramp. She seized her opportunity, snatched her lightsaber from the ground next to her, and made a run for it. Still dazed from nearly being choked to unconsciousness, she miscalculated her leap and instead of the graceful landing she’d hoped for, she barely made the edge of the ramp and immediately slipped. She yelped in shock and pain as her torso collided with the cold durasteel knocking the wind out of her yet again but she held on, precariously dangling and gasping for air. Hunter crawled halfway down the ramp, reaching his hand out when the tk troopers started firing.

“Dank farrik!” She screamed, taking a bolt to the shoulder.

She was down an arm for now so she started trying to swing her leg up to compensate. Meanwhile Hunter edged closer still reaching, as soon as he felt her fingertips brush his he grabbed and yanked as hard as he could. Before she could process what had happened, she was laying on the floor of the Marauder in blinding pain. She was surrounded by a cacophony of yelling and couldn’t decipher who was saying what in the chaos, then it all went dark and she was engulfed in silence.

“We’re losing her! Tech we need you over here!”

“Echo, take over. I am coming Hunter!” Tech made his way to Hunter’s side.

He knelt next to Avery as Hunter gingerly cradled her, assessing the potential injuries she’d sustained and just how critical she was.

“Avery, stay with us. Tell me more about Nuna. Or about being a Jedi, I have always found your culture to be particularly fascinating. Come on, eyes open. Talk to us, you need to stay conscious right now,” Tech encouraged her, cupping her cheek as her head lulled and her eyes fluttered open and shut, unfocused and glassy.

He let a stream of curses loose under his breath when Avery went limp. He could see her slipping far more quickly than was desirable in the current situation. Without warning, Tech reached over and unsheathed Hunter’s vibroblade.

“What the kriff, Tech?!” Hunter hissed, jerking his arm back in shock.

“I need access to the injury. I’m cutting the kriffing shirt open and I need a blade to do it, Hunter!”

Tech bit back sharply as he made quick work of the fabric inhibiting his access to Avery’s injury. Another stream of swears left his lips, in some other language that Hunter couldn’t understand, when Tech had a full view of the damage inflicted.

“Wrecker!” Tech ordered sharply, “get me her medkit. She was a field medic, she’ll have most of what I need in that bag.” Wrecker nodded and grabbed the bag and tossed it to Tech who nimbly caught it. Without hesitation he immediately went to work stabilizing her as quickly as possible. 

“Avery? Avery wake up please…” the first words she heard when coming to were the soft hiccuped pleas of Omega.

As awareness slowly returned she realized she was laying in someone’s rack, covered with a blanket. Her eyes slowly fluttered open, grimacing at the wretched throbbing in her shoulder and her miserable sore throat. Omega was perched on the edge of the rack, holding her hand and watching with red rimmed eyes.

“She’s waking up! Hunter! Echo! Tech! Wrecker! She’s waking up!” 

She huffed a pained chuckle out as all four men quickly crowded behind Omega. Avery felt like an exhibit in a zoo. Sitting up proved to be a task that was beyond her current physical capabilities as a violent hot pain shot down her arm, back and up her neck when she tried.

“Son of a mudscuffer,” she hissed through clenched teeth as she fell back onto the bed.

“You took a bolt from a DC15-A rifle to the left shoulder, through and through. That is the pain you’re experiencing,” Tech explained matter-of-factly. 

“Yep, that’ll do it alright,” she uttered barely above a whisper while clenching her eyes shut trying to fight the tears welling up.

“When we land on Ord Mantell we will find a medical droid or physician that will be able to fix you up,” Hunter offered up, “Tech got you stabilizing though.”

“Not necessary. A couple of bacta patches, some pain meds, and some heavy duty meditation will have me right as rain in no time. And it seems Tech already managed the patches so we’re a third of the way there.”

“I fail to see how meditating is a suitable treatment option for such an injury,” Tech huffed as he furrowed his brow incredulously. 

“I’m a healer, I use the Force to heal others and, right now, myself. Kind of was my job for a good while. I fixed nearly identical injuries on others when I was a field medic. I just need some help getting upright again.”

She released a shaky breath as Tech wrapped an arm around her, helping her sit up. Through bleary eyes she glanced at Tech’s face. His jaw was tightly set and his brow was twisted with concern. He sat a moment before releasing his hold from her to ensure she didn’t fall. The extended contact with his hand on the small of her back had her yearning for more of his touch. She squeezed her eyes shut again and pushed the thoughts aside, trying to focus on remaining upright. 

“Can I sit with you? While you meditate?” Omega asked in a small voice.

“Sure sweetheart. You can be my nurse. Which reminds me, Echo, did you grab my medic bag?”

“I did. What do you need from it?”

“There is a medium drawstring bag inside. It has the Force healing crystals I use for trickier injuries.”

Echo nodded and when he returned he had both Nuna and the bag in his hand, “Seems we had a stowaway.”

“Nuna!” Omega cried and opened her arms.

The little loth cat leaped right into them. A huge grin crossed Wrecker’s face and he reached out and gave Nuna a scratch behind the ear as the collective energy of the Marauder relaxed.

“Okay nurse Omega, I need you to scan my shoulder using the medical sensor.”

Omega nodded intently as she grabbed the sensor. She remembered Lama Su teaching her to use one on Kamino. That day was burned into her memory, a moment punctuated by a sharp reprimand by the Kaminoan reverberated in her mind causing her to tremble.

“Hey, Omega. Talk to me kiddo. You’re scared right now and I’m not sure why.” Avery gently pressed.

“I,” Omega paused and inhaled a shaky breath, “I just remembered using one of these on Kamino. I made a mistake and Lama Su….he…”

Omega’s voice broke as she stared at the sensor in her hands. As if she needed another reason to dislike the Kaminoans, Omega’s intense emotional reaction confirmed one of many fears she’d had about the treatment of the clones in Tipoca City. The revelation elicited the very un-Jedi like emotion of rage in her and she clenched her jaw in an effort to lock the rather unkind words she had for the clones’ creators within her.

Avery reached her good hand across her chest and beckoned Omega to stand in front of her. Omega slid off the rack and shuffled to stand in front of Avery who held out her hand to the distraught girl.

Small trembling fingers grasped her own and Avery gave them a gentle squeeze, “I’m so sorry sweetheart. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with. One of your brothers can do it if it’s too much.” Omega squeezed Avery’s hand back as tears rolled down her cheeks.

Then she inhaled deeply, “No, I can do it.” She was determined, Avery had to hand it to her.

“Atta girl,” Avery grinned, “I love your resolve. Alright you’re looking for a potential comminuted fracture of the scapula, as well as looking at the extent of damage done to the neural, vascular, osseus, and muscular structures. I also need to know how severe the damage to the soft tissue is. All of those factors will significantly impact healing time.” Omega nodded firmly and climbed back on to the rack to perform the scan. 

She hummed, nose scrunched as she handed the scanner back to Avery, “It looks bad. Is it bad?”

Avery poured over the results, her brow pulling into a frown, “It’s not fantastic, I’ll say that much. But not irreparable.”

Wrecker, Echo, and Hunter stepped out of the cockpit, overhearing the conversation.

“Ya gonna be okay, doc?” Wrecker asked, his voice filled with concern.

“I’ll be fine, Wrecker. I sustained some damage to my proximal brachial arteries and distal axillary arteries and some damage to my pectoralis minor and infraspinatus tendons however the scapular fracture is clean, not comminuted and my clavicle only sustained a hairline.”

The three men stared at her, faces all exhibiting varying levels of confusion before Hunter said, “Could you translate that?”

Tech’s voice immediately rang out from the cockpit, “She has sustained damage to arteries and tendons surrounding the scapula which typically requires surgical intervention. The scapular fracture is clean as the bone did not shatter and her clavicle’s fracture is mild.”

“What he said,” she chuckled, waving idly toward the cockpit. “However, I believe I should manage fine on my own. I can’t guarantee it will be expedient but it should suffice well enough that I don’t have to worry about finding someone willing and able to perform the surgery. Also I’ll get a pretty scar out of it too.”

“Haha! Alright!” Wrecker joyously whooped.

Hunter smiled. “Well take it easy, Cid contacted us with another mission. We’re en route now. We will be tucking in for a rest until we arrive.”

Avery nodded and settled into as comfortable a meditation position she could with crystals in hand.  Before Omega made her way to her room carrying Nuna, she wrapped her arms around Avery’s waist in an enthusiastic hug. It wasn’t long before the Marauder was engulfed in peaceful silence, occasionally punctuated with Wrecker’s snoring or someone shifting positions on their rack. Avery sat quietly, continuing the meditation utilizing the crystals as best she could with one functional arm. 

 She’d long lost track of the time when she felt the rack sinking a bit next to her as someone sat down. She opened her eyes to Tech staring at the wall with an unreadable expression.

“I am pleased you are okay, you were touch and go for a while there. Admittedly I was unsure of your prognosis,” he spoke softly, a touch of emotion underlying his words.

She absentmindedly ran her hand over her shoulder wincing slightly when she pressed just slightly too hard. Fortunately the roaring hot pain from before had finally subsided into a dull throb likely due to a combination of the Force, pain meds, and a whole lot of bacta.

“May I?” He motioned to the bandage and she nodded in consent.

He was quiet for a moment as he gently unwrapped and peeled back the gauze.

Finally he abruptly broke the silence, “Apologies for your shirt by the way. I did not feel right disrobing you entirely and the only other option was cutting the sleeve off.”

Avery smiled, “Nothing to apologize for, cutting articles of clothing to access an injury is fairly standard procedure. I can get a new shirt. You did an excellent job of stabilizing me. Thank you.”

He made eye contact for a moment before returning his gaze to his task and nodding. She couldn’t help but notice how softly he was touching her, like she was made of glass, like she’d shatter into a million pieces if he wasn’t careful. However, he was also precise, efficient, and clinical in his methodology. The brushing of his gloved fingertips against her skin felt electric in spite of the persistent pain still hammering beneath her skin. She secretly hoped he’d take his time because she really didn’t want him to stop. Every touch left her feeling more relief than any pain medication.

He finally reached the bacta patches and peeled each one back carefully, inspecting the wound, “I am impressed. You are healing at an exceptional  rate. You very well may be completely healed by the time we reach Ord Mantell. I was skeptical that your meditation would be effective against such extensive injuries.” He applied fresh bacta patches and proceeded to rewrap her with gauze.

“Honestly, surgery would have been faster than Force healing this time. While I can heal the most grave of injuries and illness, there are times when technology is just more efficient and expeditious. But I’m working with what I have so slow and steady will do this time,” she murmured. He glanced up and gave her a half smile before returning his attention to tending to her. She continued,“If I am remembering correctly from the tour Omega insisted on earlier, this is your rack, correct?”

Tech nodded, not looking up, “Yes. It is.” 

“I’m doing much better now. I can find somewhere else to finish meditating so you can get some rest.”

“That will not be necessary. I sleep in the cockpit more than my rack anyway. Stay here,” he paused for a moment, eyes remaining fixed on her shoulder, “I insist.”

She nodded, the gentleness of his last sentence sent her heart racing. They sat in silence as he concluded the wrapping of her shoulder. Her heart sank when he’d finished tending her and his fingertips brushed her skin for the last time. In those fleeting moments she found that she had to stop herself from begging him to not stop. She observed his eyes tracing the features of her face before he gently stroked her chin with his index finger and swiveled on his heel to walk back to the cockpit. Her gaze followed him until he was no longer in her field of vision.

What is happening to me? I know the Council used to say no attachments but am I that desperately touch starved that wound care has me falling to pieces?

She leaned her head back against the cold durasteel and closed her eyes, recentering herself before diving back into the healing process.

Tech settled into the pilot’s seat again after checking on Avery’s progress. He knew he didn’t have to. She was a physician and a Jedi. She could handle herself just fine. But he was compelled to check on her. He wanted to be close to her even in the smallest of increments of time. When he’d watched her fading it felt like his heart was being crushed in a vice. When he’d seen how extensive her injury was as she crashed before his eyes, his heart thundered against his ribs like the waves of Kamino in a storm, the rhythm matching his escalating panic. And panic wasn’t who he was. Tech rarely panicked and even more rare was a panic of that intensity. This was very unusual.

Avery was attractive, more so than any of his past purely physical escapades. He had functioning eyes after all, and far be it from him to not appreciate beauty in the galaxy around him. In fact, had she been like any other woman he’d been with prior, he would have considered propositioning her with one of those no strings attached encounters. Much like he did when his natural urges began to distract him from his work or when he simply found a woman attractive. Perhaps this was due to a combination of physical attraction and the extensive amount of time that had since passed since he’d last been intimate with a woman.

 Besides, sexual attraction and arousal were a part of every clone’s biological function, much to the Kaminoans dismay. He had read the research on it. They’d tried to create human clones before the creation of the clone army that were sterile and impotent. It had ended terribly and decided that human clones were incapable of withstanding such alterations to their genome. Factor H was what they called it. When they couldn’t eliminate Factor H, the Kaminoans tried to embrace it. They tried to redirect that repression turned frustration from Factor H into battle aggression and brotherly bonding. It wasn’t usually successful long term. Eventually every clone succumbed to those primal urges, and he and his brothers were no exception. They were defective but not that defective. But what he was feeling was starkly different from his past encounters with attractive women. It was a deep, burning ache that he felt couldn’t be satiated unless he knew she was safe with him. He wanted to know everything about her; to delve deep into her mind as well as explore every inch of her body. She was a riddle, a mystery, and Maker knew how much he loved unraveling a mystery.

Was it because she was a Jedi? Was it something to do with the Force? They hadn’t worked with many female Jedi generals and the few times they had were short lived. They completed those missions so effectively, and thus quickly, he hadn’t even bothered learning the names of the generals they’d helped. Maybe the Force had the ability to act as an aphrodisiac but only with extended contact? He would research further. He needed answers. She was beginning to consume his thoughts and it was getting frustratingly difficult to focus when she was nearby. He lifted his goggles and rubbed his eyes in exasperation as his leg began bouncing in agitation. That research was going to have to wait. They had a mission to complete.

She wasn’t sure when she fell asleep. Her meditation had at some point turned into her leaning slumped against the wall snoring lightly. She was jostled awake by a gentle hand on her knee. She opened her eyes feeling groggy and substantially more sore with Echo kneeling in front of her.

“We’re here. You joining us?”

She shook her head. “I’m not in fighting shape yet. I’d slow you down. I’ll stay here.”

He nodded and placed his hand on her good shoulder and gave a comforting squeeze before walking to the boarding ramp.

Omega plopped Nuna in Avery’s lap, “I’ll be back, Nuna!”

She bumped noses with the loth-cat, waved to Avery and chased after her brothers.

Alone in the silence, she managed to clear her mind. She’d not felt this connected to the Force in a long time, since before everything collapsed. Nuna climbed into her lap, and purred contentedly as Avery continued to reconnect and deepen her connection with the Force. Slowly but surely she began working past her anger, fear, and guilt allowing herself to feel and then let go. No longer allowing herself to be consumed by her emotions but retaking control of them. Most of them, at least

Tagged lovelies 💕: @msmeredithrose @808tsuika

#star wars #star wars the clone wars #star wars fanfiction #the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #clone force 99 #tbb tech #anxiouspineapple99 writes #the bad batch fic #the bad batch fanfiction #tech x jedi #tech x oc #tech tbb #tech the bad batch #the bad batch tech

[persage]

My Responsibility -S.Harrington

Part 3- Poison

Whump! Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: After the events of Season 4, Steve must deal with the consequences of his injuries. When his condition worsens, only the reader realizes it and the truth is much scarier than you expected.

Part 2 Masterlist Part 4

Tags: Whump! Angst! Romance! Found Family trope. Steve HarringtonxBest Friend Reader. Also in this chapter a lot of Dustin, Steve and Robin and even a little bit of Steve and El

Taglist @redheadedfangirl1 @hcloangcls @thestarsandtheircoffee @johnricharddeacy @gloryofroses19 @xsammijoanneex @carpediem1219 @lexiecamposv I really hope you enjoy this part, thank you all for your support ❤️

If you want to be added on the tag list just ask

"It's like poison" Hopper says, arms folded, a thoughtful expression. In more than a day this is all you have: a vague theory you can't be one hundred percent sure about. Nothing is certain when it comes to the Upside Down.  Meanwhile those damn black veins are starting to cover Steve Harrington's neck too, leaving little room for hope. This isn't a possession, not at all a Will situation, and you find yourself wishing it was, 'cause it's something you've already gone through, something Steve can be saved from. Sadly, luckiness has stopped being on your side lately and are stuck with only a supposition and no solution, while real venom circulates in your friend's body slowly killing him. Dustin hasn't left Steve's side for a second, despite his silence and his protests. The image of Eddie Munson's lifeless body chases the boy like a ghost and he knows that if something  happens to Steve too - something bad, something definitive - he wouldn't survive. Harrington is the most important person in his life at the moment. He's his brother even if he tries to push him away. With Dustin, Steve is less harsh than he's been with you. When he looks at those hopeful, innocent eyes, forced to live horror from an early age, he can't be as cruel as he would like. Also Henderson has probably understood what he's doing, the kid's always been too smart.

"You won't protect us this way. You won't protect me, neither Robin. Or Y/N. You are making it worse" Ha snaps, looking down at him. Dustin has been standing beside the bed for hours, his back against the door like a guardian angel.

"I don't know what are you talking about shithead"

"I'm serious. She deserves to know the truth." He insists, Harrington shakes his head and denies. "There is nothing to say."

"You love her. She loves you." The kid is direct, too much. Steve's heart turns upside down on hearing certain words. He knows, maybe he has always known, and probably it's because he kicked out you yesterday or the fact that he's about to die and you haven't spoken since then, but every letter that comes out of Dustin's mouth hits him with the force of a bullet.

"You've spent years making things complicated between you for no reason. It's stupid." Henderson is right, you have always found a way to make things between you two difficult. Steve with Nancy, you with Mark Dallas and then someone else whose name he doesn't even remember 'cause none of them mattered. In the end, what's left after each failed relationship is you and him. He has wasted time and now time it's running out, you're not with him and if there is anyone in the world who deserves his love and his last words, that is you. You have defended and endured him, you have slept together through the worst nights and woke up stronger. You've been beaten by Russians and worse you have faced his father - his damn scary father - for him. You have collected his secrets and saw the good in King Steve when no one else could. Steve has never known loneliness from the day he met you and as the prospect of leaving this world grows more concrete, he realizes he doesn't want to die without you.

Selfish. He wants to touch you again. Not like before, not like this. He wants to touch you softly, let his hands slide down your neck and breasts and feel the skin against yours. He would kiss you. He would make love to you for the first and last time and he would be happy. He would be fine.

"Steve you should ..."

"I won't."

"You won't what?" Dustin asks.

"Drag her down with me. I can't and I won't."

"Stupid idiot" Henderson mutters, discouraged.

"You shouldn't be here." Harrington warns, lifting his head slightly to look at the kid in the eye. He fuckin' loves that boy, he would give everything to erase all the shit he has seen.

"Steve." His voice is full of pain. He has never really had any male authority figure to look up to in his life and one day Steve Harrington began to fill the role for him in his own weird way. "Please, don't die. I can't lose you too."

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The second day passes faster than the first one. Unfortunately, time does not wait. Steve doesn't talk to you or even look at you. He is suffering like a caged animal. You know exactly what his stupid plan is. It's nothing different from what he has been doing for all his life: it' s like putting an arm in front of you in an attempt to protect you during a car crash, like diving in front of a danger. There's only a tiny difference: now he feels like he is the danger. You really want to shake him and yell at him until he regains some clarity but there's no time to talk, to convince him to let you come near and finally show him that you're not afraid and it's not his job to take care of your feelings, not while he's the one in danger. No, you don't have a single minute to discuss this kind of things, because you are desperately thinking of a solution. You're doing researches on the few books Nancy has managed to bring you, which have survived the destruction of the library and you're analyzing the situation, observing the evolution of his symtomps but that's not enough. You're going out of your mind. If only you could find a way, an antidote, then you shouldn't worry about his life anymore and you could scream at him angrily "You are acting like a child Harrington" and he'd wink at you or something, pretend nothing serious happened, then you would make peace. You always do. You feel your eyes close from fatigue, you haven't slept in days.

"You need to rest child, otherwise we'll have to take care of you too." Jim Hopper gently caress your face. Nights in Howkins, Indiana, are cold. The world is still split in half but you have forgotten it. You're smoking a cigarette and you don't say a word, your head resting on the man's shoulder. There is a strange peace. Then a cry. Now is your world which seems to really fall apart

Dustin wakes up in the dim lighting of the refuge taking a moment to gather his bearings. He keeps his eyes close, listening to the sounds around him. It sounds like... someone is suffocating? Oh no. Sitting up he looks around. He struggles to his feet, rushing closer to the bed. "Help!" He shouts. Hopper, Eleven and you are right next to him. Steve is lying on his back, mouth slightly parted as blood trickls down his lips and cheeks, dripping from his nose as well, eyes wide as he finds himself incapable to breathe. Eleven rolls him onto his side.

"Easy, kid, we've got you," Hop whispers.

"Help," Steve murmurs. "Please, please help me!" He is afraid. He is so afraid and he no longer cares to keep everyone away, to protect you. He doesn't want to die. Not now. Not ever. He's too young for this shit and he hasn't made his parents proud of him yet, he needs more. Just more. He doesn't want to lose you and doesn't want you to forget about him. Dustin cries, helpless.

"Y/N" Steve's eyes gain a little more clarity, "Y/N, please, I can't- I need -... I can't think. Robin, help me." Robin isn't even there. You feel bad because you have forced her to go home and now he needs her, he can't breathe and you just want to give him your lungs. You want him to live. Steve's head starts to fall and you place your trembling hands on either side of his face.

"Wake up!" You scream loudly. "Stay with me love, just stay awake for me please!"  His eyes roll back into his head and he is unconscious once more, feeling the pain slowly fade away, your face imprinted in his mind. Steve thinks that if he dies now at least it will be by your side. I'm so sorry Y/N.

----------------------------------------

Steve Harrington is not dead yet, contrary to what everyone thought. He rests under your watchful eyes, his breathing light and labored. You are more determined than ever. The way he has called your name, searching for you in his worst time like you were his only hope was like a punch in the stomach. No matter what this stubborn young man says: he needs you. He needs help and you won't let him go. You will  cope with your pain and your feelings later, now all you can do is walk back and forth.

"We need to find a solution quickly" Joyce says. She has run here with Nancy, Jonathan and Robin as soon as she found out what happened.

"Heat? Like with Will." Nancy proposes hopefully. You shake your head. "No this time it's different."

"Steve never complained about the heat, quite the contrary." Intervenes El, worried, occasionally glancing towards the room where the oldest boy rests. She has never had a strong bond with Steve, not like Dustin or Lucas, but he is part of the team and he has kept an eye on her during last years. He has bought her Eggos 'cause he knows how much she likes them, cooked his famous pancakes for her, secretly offered her free ice cream. Sometime he has even covered his escapades  from Hopper. Eleven doesn't want him to die, he doesn't deserve to. He deserves to be happy, to see his beloved hair turn white and he deserves to do it with you. You both need time. Eleven doesn't want to see you suffer.

"The boy wants the heat, he doesn't avoid it. He asked me for more blankets before." Hopper confirms, hugging Joyce. "He's got a fever it's normal" She replies, tired and worried. Once again you wish Steve could see them: they are all worried and they care for him. His parents may be out of town for work even during the apocalypse with their only son stuck in the middle of the disaster, without even the certainty that he is okay, but there are people who are fond of him. His parents never deserved him, but Steve has another family, gathered in a small room ready to do anything to protect him.

"Let's think again, it's a poison in his body and we have to take it out and slow the spread so ..." Nancy moves around the room, nervous as you are, a hand under her chin and a thoughtful gaze. "I have an idea." You state, looking at El. "You once pulled that monster out of your body." She nods.

"You can do it again." Dustin continues, understanding your plan.

"No, no. Stop, this time it's different. That stuff is in his blood, we can't let him bleed to death." This time it is Robin who is protesting. "There might be a solution." Admits El.

The plan is simple, or so it seems, the truth is it's scary and you don't know if you'll ever be ready to face it.  A tub full of ice is ready in the bathroom:"It will slow down the blood flow". With a small knife Hop will cut  Steve's skin superficially, from there Eleven will try to pull out that poison in the hope that it is not fused with his blood and it is somehow like a kind of parasite. You have no certainties but it is the only solution. Joyce is sitting in a small chair, she holds the first aid kit in her hands right now to take action.

Robin is sitting on the edge of his bed holding his hands while Steve continues to rest. He has never regained consciousness after the last attack. "It still seems crazy to me. We could kill him and if he dies, I will have to work alone in that shitty place and I don't want to, I can't. He...he is my best friend, platonic soulmate with a capital P. I can't bear to lose him... I can't let you do this to him, you can rather take my blood and do whatever you like with it but not this.He...will be so scared when he'll wake up. What if he freeze to death? What if..."

"Robin." You cut her off, stroking her hair. "He could die anyway. In fact, he certainly will if we don't try now." You take a deep breath. " I have always thought that being by his side is my mission for life, the purpose for which I was born for, especially in the last years of chaos and monsters. I ... he is the most important thing to me, I wouldn't do any of this if it wasn't the only chance we have."

You look at Steve and you feel so foolish. All those years together and you haven't been able to tell a stupid little boy that you love him with every muscle of your stupid little heart, more passionately and deeply than you've ever loved anyone in your life and now this thing, these words, they seem like the most natural thing in the world. They don't scare you anymore. You approach him, you talk in his ear hoping that some remote part of his mind can hear you.

"Don't die Harrington. You die, I die." He doesn't answer, he doesn't do anything, still unconscious. You feel that you are losing the pieces along the way, as if something has broken and you cannot fix it. He is slipping out of your hands and you can't hold him back.

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