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#i was jsut talking about this on discord with my friend the other day
goosebutaustoo · 8 months
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GOOFY BIRTHDAY SHIT
guess who's birthday is coming up
MEEEE
So anyways, gonna talk about how strange they are
like, you celebrate going around in a circle around the sun, and how many times that has happened, usually ads one candle to your cake. But I find it. so strange that its so widely televised that every birthday is just another party. Wouldn't it get tiring of having birthday bashes every birthday??? I like eating cake. mostly. if it s not too sugary, but like come on man. Most of the times what one is going to do is just vibe, eat some cake, hang out with friends to celebrate you're one year closer to death
and also probably trying to ignore how most of your friends may or may not have already started doing drugs. I mean, I get only one life to live and shit but dude??? at least wait until you're on your death bed and have the most WILD FUCKING DEATH BASH OF ALL TIME
maybe thats jsut me tho. Either way, I'm going to maniacally giggle as I set up a birthday discord call and just spam people with quack quack quack and then leave eating some cake. Absolute baller, have you ever just wanted to some crazy ass shit reserved for a party?? Get free food?? Be born!! It's your greatest acheivement, and BOOM!!! when you make it one year- 52 weeks of your life and you're still at least breathing?? celebrate with a shit ton of sugar and staring up at your ceiling on your birthday and wonder how the fuck you're one year older and how did you make it this far
and be proud
Simply something as simple as a birthday should totally be celebrated! Who knows, maybe you've gone through tough shit. Maybe you're battling an addiction that could kill you. Maybe you've tried some things in the past to cut your time short. Maybe you're battling an illness, no matter the kind. Maybe there are days where you just.. don't know if you can go on. Either way, you don't have to celebrate. Don't have to eat cake or be social. It's your birthday. Be proud you made it 52 more weeks.
I know I am. This year has been absolutely BALLING. It's giving 'holy shit, am I just going to stay this way forever, will things be okay, will I ever recover, will I hold on for just a little longer'
Honestly, I've had days where I was just. ready to give up. Not make it so I can yell at the world that I don't give a SHIT and I am going to LIVE. I've had times and episodes where all thats on my mind is move, move. Make it. Breath. Don't give up. Reach out where you can. but in those times, what got me moving was focusing on moving one finger at a time. Stutter my breathing, try to hum. I don't have to yell physically at the world that whatever fucking walls you shove my way I'll break it down.
Because sometimes I'm not strong enough to move through those. Sometimes I have to climb them. Sometimes I just have to wait. To break one brick at a time. It may not be chaotic, violent, or fun, but on the other side there will always be more. More ways to cause chaos, to have fun. To live, move, breath.
Every day, hell, every week may not be your week. It may not be your month. You may be struggling to even drag yourself out of bed or even eat anything. You may not be able to sleep at night but pass out while waiting for a friend to respond to a message. You may want to draw, dance, laugh, sing, write, play, but you're unable to bring yourself to. But what matters is you made it another day. You may be bored as fuck waiting. Just sitting. Doing nothing but wait.
But before you can have patience with anything, you have to have patience with yourself. break shit down. Know that some things may not last. That some friendships are bound to fade. Some days are hell and back. That one day you may die to anything. but you also have to take into account the joy and happiness you have in the present. You have to cherish who you have now, even if you know, even if it nags you that you two may split ways. However you also have to take into account that one day, things will be okay. Sure, they won't be perfect, but it'd be breathable. It'd be just enough. and sometimes, just enough is enough. It doesn't hurt to strive for better, but it hurts to shame what you have now. It hurts to lose sight of the happiness and life you have now. Rushing into things isn't for everyone. But companionship and support go longer ways that slaving away at life so you can live a 'perfect' life. Sometimes people forget to be content with what they have and strive for better.
So, for anyone who also has a birthday coming up, or simply just need to hear it: Happy birthday motherfucker
enjoy your life while you can, you never know when your book ends, but it's better to enjoy it than wait for impending doom.
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fayoftheforest · 2 years
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hiii!!! i hope this doesnt come across as me sounding demanding im just a little guy who LOVES ur writing so much i just cant help but be curious about the 22/23 chapters on ship in a bottle?!?!!! i finished it a few days ago and have been talking about it nonstop w my friends and we noticed it and were like WTF?! does this mean a potential epilogue peepoShy?! i would genuinely love to see one IF u r planning one bc you have such a way with words, the entire fic was incredible and i jsut cant get enough of it.
(Ask is in reference to this fic) 
Hello lovely anon! Thank you so much for your message and apologies for the slight delay on the reply, I've not been checking Tumblr very often as of late.
It fills my heart with joy to hear that you and your friends liked my story enough to chat about it!! I've been writing fics for the fandom for almost two years now and it still blows my mind that my writing, which means so much to me, can mean so much for other people too?? Woah!! I would love to hear any thoughts, feedback and critiques you guys have if you feel like sharing. If so then feel free to drop me an email at [email protected] or add my discord FayOfTheForest#6892 as I’m always on the lookout for more fandom buddies!
Anyway yes good spot on the 22/23, there is in fact an epilogue coming which, I'm thrilled to announce, will be uploaded either this Saturday (2nd of July) or the next (9th of July)!! I’m in the editing process at the moment and should have it sent off to my beta readers by the end of today for a final look over. It’s only been *checks watch* seven months since the last upload. Not too shabby. 
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sckjoldr · 1 year
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Fuck im so torn on whetevwr i should just give up being friend with this one friend i have or just give up on trying to express my sadness to them and just keep on this sadness cycle because when i want to leave them i have to cut contact with our whole friend group aswell
I cant continue wirh this anymore i feel morw and more resentful eacj time we have a conflict because he just exits the conversation and then comes bacl like nothing happened or when i try to mend this he has a mental breakdown and does something bad to himself and i feel like i was the cause
I feel genuelny horrible all the time so i just bottle up all my fewlings just so he could be comfortable because i know how hard his life is but man i cant do this anymore it seems like his self hatred has circled back into like narcisism?? I havent heard him say thank you or sorry to me in like monhts. When i feel uncomfortable about something he does he spirals and tellls me like lol or skill issue or get over it but god forbid i say something that ticks him off becayse then ihave to apologize and change myself (which is understandable but DAMN id hoped that hed be as undestanding as i am aswell)
Fuck ive had this growing feeling for this whole year i can count things that made me feel bad and theres like 20 dofferent occasions
- when we habged out irl he constantly was pessimistic and angry and hostile towards anything and everything that it got exhausting (talking about how much he hates babies and kids so loudly on a street that everyone heard, when we talked about organizing some things with our friend group he shut me off because it "wont happen pr would be too hard etc"
- i kind pf came out to the gang as nonbinary and he replied with: "huh since when what idc bye" and left the convo (seeing as he is trans k hoped he would be the most supportive so this threw me off so bad
- not only that every time i express my feelings of solitude in our rant chat he either ignores it or answers: how are you lonely ypu have ypur bf
- or he just derails my rant to speak about how he has it harder and then he gets mad when we cant reply to him with anything helpful and exits the convo
- fucking the last one i wanted to draw our firedn group as furries as a cute thing and when i asked him and others what animal they would like to be he answered woth hostiliyy like "no i wil never be a furry" and then when i stsrted jsut drawing and showung it to them he got angry about not being able to choose his species ?? Told him that i was already drawing him i cant change now and he answered "whatever its gonna be dumb anyway"
I got so fickign mad at that that i snapped back at him and then he started spiraling again of course telling me atuff like "whatever im not wanted anyway then ill just kms" and started talking abput all kinds of horrible stuff
I just left our server at that i was so exhausted of his shit im tired man but
Ive never felt lonelyer than now ive been off discord for like 3 days and i feel awful im isolated form my friends ans they dont even seem to care that im missing a d this kid has already forgotten this conflict as alwaya so ill never get the actual fuckigng apology id like
Oeh man i just wish i was treated nicely by the people ive known for 4 years now
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magioffire · 3 years
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sometimes i think about how vali is considered  tall for a dokkalfar at 5′6″ish while the average dokkalfar’s height averages out at about 5′2-5′3″ and can you imagine thinking youre tall your entire life then you meet some freakishly tall person who belongs to a species of freakishly tall people and your whole world crumbles
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sageinacage · 3 years
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OKAY so the meetup right. tubbo keeps giving him this Look just for Anticipation and ranboos jsut glaring at him HGFGFGHJ until they finally get to tubbo's place or wherever and tubbo just Pounces
summary: ranboo visits tubbo in england and tubbo seems to be in a ler mood. a/n: the hc of ranboo and tubbo being in the t community makes me go :]  warnings: swearing w/c: 1.7k
IRL
~
“Ranbooooo!”
“AGH- TUBBO!”
Ranboo jumped, his peaceful standing at the baggage claim interrupted as his best friend, there to pick him up, poked his back as he snuck up on the boy. They were quick to pull each other in a big hug, Lani behind them getting it on film for their meetup vlog.
“Why would you scare me like that, you prick!” He chuckled, watching for his bag. “Because, Ranboo, it’s funny. Also, it’s good content!” Tubbo laughed, joining in to watch for his suitcase- even though he didn’t even know what it looked like.
“You got that on video?!” Ranboo covered his face, loud cackles emitting from Tubbo. “Well, duh! It’s a vlog!” He exclaimed, earning a playful groan from the other.
After a few more very impatient minutes, he finally got ahold of his luggage. “Finally!” Tubbo exclaimed, taking Ranboo’s suitcase from his hand and excitedly wheeling it out with Lani. He smiled, following close behind his friend.
They all got into the car, and Ranboo greeted Tubbo’s mum before sitting down in the backseat with him, Lani in the front seat. Right as they got situated, Tubbo was already shoving his camera into Ranboo’s face.
“How’s England?”
“I literally just got here man, I don’t know!” He laughed, shoving the camera away from his face. Tubbo gasped in mock anger, furrowing his eyebrows. “My poor phone! You just abused him!” He whined, hugging his phone.
Ranboo rolled his eyes at his friend, looking out the window. “Don’t ignore me now, Ranboo,” Tubbo spoke a little quieter and slightly teasier. The other boy’s eyes widened, before looking over at him. 
Tubbo had a wide smile on his face, acting innocent. This was gonna be a long vlog.
When they got home, they quickly dropped off Ranboo's luggage and immediately went back out. “Where are we going now?” He asked, looking back at Tubbo who was walking next to him, his camera shoved in his face. “The park.” He spoke, staring right at the camera lens.
“Tubbo, you’re gonna scare everyone! Your vlog will need a horror warning!” Ranboo jokes, earning a nudge from the other. “Are you saying I’m ugly?” Tubbo looked up at him with a smirk, the boy panicking with a few ‘no’s and rapid headshakes.
They both laughed and continued to walk towards the playground Tubbo was talking about. After about 5 more minutes, they arrived and Ranboo ran right for the swings.
“You can’t escape the vlog, Ranbooo!” Tubbo sang in a sing-songy tone, smiling at his friend who was trying to drown out the teasiness in his voice. “I..I-I’m not trying to!” He stumbled out, looking away. “You know you can’t run from me…” He spoke softly, letting his tone turn more evil.
As a wild blush began to bloom on Ranboo’s face, he didn’t want the whole world knowing he was flustered so he ran off to the actual playset he was way too tall for. Tubbo smiled to himself, knowing exactly what he was doing, and filled with glee that it was working.
He looked back, seeing Tubbo with the most devilish smirk on his face, wiggling his fingers at Ranboo behind the camera. The poor boy panicked, sliding down the slide to get away from him. “Now now, don’t run from me! You won’t go very far before I catch you!” He teased, chuckling to himself at the pure panic in Ranboo’s face.
To anyone else, this would just seem like best friends being playful. Though, to anyone else, specifically the tickle community (shoutout to you guys), they know what’s up.
After what felt like hours of the “relentless teasing,” according to Ranboo, they decided it was time to head back home and finish getting content for the vlog that day since Ranboo was quite jet-lagged.
“What’s wrong, Ranboo? You’re a bit red. Are you sick?” Tubbo smiled innocently up at him, a small grumble coming from the other. “I hate you.” Ranboo bashfully covered his already red face, shaking his head to himself.
When they arrived back, all Ranboo heard was a mischievous giggle from his friend. His immediate instinct was to run to Tubbo’s room to hide, forgetting how hard it was to hide, being tall and all.
“N’awww, is somebody flustered? You’re such a leeeee!” Tubbo playfully poked at his side, Ranboo flailing his arms and backing up further on his bed as he tried to compose himself, attempting to prove that he isn’t in a lee mood. (Spoiler alert: he is.)
“D-Did you know, in Scotland they used to punt midgets as a sport? That’s what I-I’m gonna do right no-hOHOW- NAHAHA!” Giggles erupted as he felt nimble fingers skitter down his ribs and squeeze his waist.
“Oh really? Can a midget do this?” Tubbo questioned, moving on top of Ranboo to straddle him as his fingers continued to explore his waist and sides of his belly. “I knew you were all cute and ticklish, but I didn’t know you were this cute and ticklish! Awwwwwh!” He cooed as Ranboo squealed, his back arching.
“I’m nohohOHAHAT- NOHot thehehere!” Ranboo wheezed, weakly batting at Tubbo’s digits as they found a sweet spot right above his hip bones. “Why not? You seem to be loving this, you keep arching your tickle spots right into my hands!” Tubbo giggled, smiling at Ranboo’s huge smile.
In all honesty, Ranboo was loving this. He had never been really tickled before and had been awaiting this moment for a while with Tubbo’s constant teasing over Discord.
“I HAHAhate yohou! Yohou’re so bahahad!” Tubbo just shook his head, wiggling a single finger over his tummy, earning a few high-pitched giggles from the other. “Awww, if I’m so bad, why aren’t you pushing me away?” He asked with an innocent smile plastered on his features, his single finger wagging over his tummy turning into two, then three, then a whole claw.
“NOHAHEHEHE- IT TIHIHICKLES!” Ranboo shrieked, his back somehow arching even higher as the new sensations on his belly drove him crazy. “Does it? Does it really? I don’t think it does, Ranboo!” He giggled evilly, before scuttling both of his hands under Ranboo’s hoodie to scribble his nails on the sides of his belly.
The reaction was immediate- a screech ripping out of his throat as he slammed his hands to his face in embarrassment. “Nuh uh! No hiding your adorable smile from me!” Tubbo grumbled, pulling a hand out of his hoodie to reach up to vibrate his fingers into Ranboo’s underarm.
“TUHUHUBBO!” Ranboo slammed his arm down, using the other to try to push Tubbo’s hand away from his sensitive tummy. “Do not say my name in vain!” Is the last thing Ranboo heard before he felt his hoodie be lifted and something soft falling on it- wait was that Tubbo’s hair?
“BAHAHAHAHA- PLEHEHEEASE TUHUHUBBO!” Ranboo convulsed as a raspberry was placed right over his belly button, fingers continuing to poke and prod at his waist and hips. After another raspberry, Tubbo sat up to look at his giggly and blushy best friend.
A small whine escaped Ranboo’s mouth before both of his hands slapped over it, eyes widening. “Awww, do you want me to keep going?” Tubbo softened, the classic puppy dog pout painting his face. The boy gave a shy nod, before whining again as he heard a long and exaggerated ‘awwwww’ from the other.
“Alright, you aren’t allowed to complain then as you asked for this, my little lee!” Tubbo snickered, his hands returning down to scribble at his tummy. Ranboo’s giggles were quick to start up again, trying to twist his hips away from the extremely tickly sensations.
“Oh no no, where do you think you’re going?” Tubbo clicked his tongue, grabbing hold of both of Ranboo’s hips and squeezing relentlessly as he pushed them back down. “NOHOHO- *snort* YOHOU SUHUHUCK!” Another squeal escaped him, trying to buck his hips away, but unable to at Tubbo’s iron grip.
“Do I? Do I really, Ranboo? I don’t think you’re in a place to talk, mister.” He sneered, dropping his head again to sneak under his hoodie and to nibble on the sensitive skin around the side of his belly.
“WHAHAHAT THE HEHELL- NOHEHEHAHA!” The poor boy was confused about what Tubbo was doing at first, but all he knew is that it tickled like hell. “Omnomnom!” Tubbo teased, smiling to himself when Ranboo’s laughing fit grew high pitched again.
Tubbo knew he was slowly reaching his limit- even though Ranboo was having the time of his life, everyone has their limits to tickling. So, he thought he should give a grand finale to his ticklish friend before he allows him to recover.
With a mischievous chuckle, he took a deep breath and planting a long raspberry right in the middle of his tummy, hands exploring down to squeeze that spot right above Ranboo’s knees.
“PLEHEHEHEASE- I CAHAHAN’T- TUHUHUBBO!” Ranboo wheezed out, laughter going silent as he shook his head rapidly. “Fiiine, you can’t blame me for wanting to tickle the shit out of you, you’re just so cute, and your laugh is my favorite.” Tubbo smiled at him, reaching his hand to help rub the phantom tickles out of his belly.
“Nooohohoho!” Ranboo whined, attempting to twist away. “Relax, I’m done for now.” He chuckled fondly, his friend sinking back into the mattress as he allowed Tubbo to help. “Thahanks…” The giggly one mumbled, face still bright red from the tickle treatment he just received.
“No need to thank me, I had a lot of fun! We should do this again!”
“Yeheah, but yohou’ll be the lee thihis time,” Ranboo softly chuckled, leaning his head back on the pillow. The jet lag was hitting him, and Tubbo knew that. A little nap wouldn’t hurt, would it?
"Do you mind if I help unpack your suitcase while you nap?" Tubbo asked, Ranboo slowly nodded, sleep quickly washing over him. This was going to be a fun month.
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sapienap · 3 years
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hi hi hi!!! so i just recently hit 800 n i was going to save this for my 1k celebration, but genuinely i am just full of so much love for everyone that i couldn’t hold myself back from doing this so !!!! appreciation post for mutuals!!! n this is absolutely wild to me, bc ive been on tumblr for over 4 years now, n remade this blog at the end of september to both restart and because i was getting super into mcyt n wanted a blog to focus on that, and the fact that ive grown this much since then is absolutely insane to me!!!
im feeling full of love for all of my mutuals (aka people i consider my friends <3) so!!! have written messages for u all :DD i mostly wrote them for people i talk to a lot/look up to, so pls dont feel bad if i didnt write one for u!!!! pls absolutely follow everyone in this list they are all amazing people n deserve ur follow !!!! obs not a complete list bc bad memory but just. they are all so cool :]
also thought i would say this here but im moving blogs lol im @sapienap (wont let me tag bc new </3)
atlas ( @fear-epidemic ) atlas!!!!! oh my god okay so first off??? the fact that our friendship began bc of u thinking my icon was dan howell when it was mr. wilbur soot is sucha  cursed fact n i think that describes us very well <3 u r genuioely (i refuse to fix that mistake) such a nice person n uve just listened to me ramble about the weirdest shit n sat there as i watched anakin skywalker be hot n helped me with characterizations n i cant thnak u enough for that!!! ily <3
azzie ( @thediscsaga ) azzie azzie azzie!!!!!! the fact that we became friends bc u looked at me n just decided to call me ‘bestie’ n now here we r is so MINDBLOWING i love you so much!!!!! u r genuinely one of my bestest friends even tho we dont talk as much n i lov u sm ur always there to support me with whatever i do!!! ur always so supportive n i just. i lov u sm !!!! ur one of my favorite people n make this hell site so much better !!!!!! if im being honest lowkey anytime i lowkey feel panicked i just go to ur blog bc it honestly calms me sm :]
beet ( @homophobicpunz ) beet!!!!! okay okay okay the fact that the first time i saw ur main’s user n instantly was like “ohmy god i love that” n now here we r???? friends??? n i get to call YOU my friend??? amazing oh my god. and the fact that uve dragged me into so much shit that i lov now bc of u??? also amaizng. i just love the fact uve dragged me into So Much stuff (daredevil n all of those shows, punz, n more!!! like lowkey darth maul but only lowkey as i ahvent watched the show hes in yet dsjf) n uve honestly been so supportive of me throughout eveythting n just !!!!!! i cant think of much more to say other than ily :]
cam ( @camdotcom ) cam!!!! oh my god okay i jsut. honestly ur so nice ????? anytime im down u always manage to send an ask whenever im not feeling great n always send me smth funny n it always makes me feel so much better!!! ur genuinely one of the best people i know!!! ur always so great at everything n u genuienly make my tumblr experience so much better !!!! ur always such a great person :] n ily !!! im also ur little brother so <333
clay ( @its5undy ) tubs!!!!! my fellow southerner !!!!! im so so happy ive gotten to knwo u !!!! all bc of our weird ass server!!!! i lov u sm!!!! ur one of the brightest people i know n im so glad to have u be someone who forces me to go to sleep when i feel tired instead of encouraging me to stay up <3 n ur so cool !!!! u may not think it bur ur absolutely one of the coolest mfs on this dumb app <33 ur alos my older brother so u cant say anything bad about me Ever
daniel ( @rvnboo ) dan !!!! my sweet homie !!! oh mygod i do not remember how i met u at ALL bc my memory sis o bad but i am so glad i knwo u !!!! i get so happy every single time i get an ask from u !!! u r such a nice persobn n a great joy !!!! every single time i see u on my dash i go “:DDDD daniel!!!!!” anytime i see u in my notes i just go “!!! dan!!” honestly i associate ranboo with u now!!! i see u n go “! dan!!” n i just lov u sm??? i honestly think of u as my younger sibling n i just lov u sm
dream ( @enderrdream ) bad!!! omg ok honestly i dont remember how we met bc ur Old (/j) but seriously!!! ive been friends with u for So Long (even tho i lost u for some time) n now!!!! we r friends again!!!! n ive claimed u as my older brother !!!! we r the only valid sbi dynamic <33 but truly!!! i think u r one of the people i have known the longest!!! u ahve done so much for em n i can never thank u enough!!! i just lov u sm !!! im so horrible at explainging this but just. i love u sm <333
gogy ( @strawberrygogy ) berry!!! oh my god the fact that i ahvent known u that long buit we r so close??? we have a ship that can rival dreamnotfound n have matching cases we r the only bicthes on this entire site <333 people that send weird asks after me being trans have No Bitches KFDHYGGH but seriously !!! im so fucking glad i got to know u!!! the fact we became friends bc i saw ur account, n foudn out u read the serpent king???? that is WILD to me!!! we r Bestest Friends n i fuckign love that and our 420 mile separation <3333 i lov u !!!!!!
hari ( @netheritedream ) hari hari hari !!!!! heblo heblo!!!! god the fact that we’re in different timezones n never get to talk is so homophobic i cant believe time /j but seriously!!!! i cannot believe we never get to talk we r platonic soulmates n i can barely count the amount of times we have talked the last week </3 and the factt hat u joined n saw ME n thoguht “ah, yes. friend.” n now??? we r platonic soulmates !!!! n uve helped me make so many new friends n have even closer friendships !!! n im just. i love you so much im so glad to have you as my friend <3
jannat ( @technosoot ) maya !! my memory is so bad i cannot remember how we met at all but !!! i am so fucking happy i became friends with u !!! u r genuinely such a bright part of my life !!!! i see u n go “:DDDDDD JANNAT !!!!!!!!!” u r such a great person n i will alwayts be here for u !!!! i love u so much !!!! my brain has stopped workin but i just lov u so much omg !!!!!
may ( @notfoundgeorge ) may !!!!! omg okay honestly i look up to u so mjch!!!!!! ur one of my favorite gifmakers on this entire app!!! genuinely ur such a nice person???? n if im being honest???? i got So Happy when u followed me back !!!! bc im like. ur so cool n i was like “wow SHE followed ME??” n just!!!! i lov u !!!
rain ( @theartofmining ) rain !!!! oh my god okay ur one of the few people that have seen my fucking. chaotic side which id ont truly think many people have seen so im glad u have that honor <3333 but seriously i lov u sm shfhgfhg u were tehre as i. hitpost limit and ask limit in the span of less than a hour n u rlly encouraged me when i freaked ouytndjfghgj u ahve been there for me for So Long and i just !!!! lov u sm
roni ( @youngjustices ) roni !!! ive known u for so long n even tho i truly havent gotten to talk to u much, i lov u so much !!!! uve been so kind to me n have helped me with so much n i just. i love you so much !!!! ur such a great person n deserve everything in the world n even tho u r taking a break from mcytblr, im just !!! ok lov u sm
sakshi ( @prettyboydream ) smiley !!!!! ok first off: i wish u were getting cuddles. okay next i cannot beleieve that we r friends !!!! i ddint spell that right but ANYWAYS u r so mf cooler than me!!!! one of the coolest people on this entire fucking app !!!! i do not know how i became ur friend but im so fucking happy i am friends with u !!! ur so great and i just. i love u sm
sam ( @dogboyurahara ) league !!!! i am. god im so glad i became friends with u !!!! u walways come n say some of the weirdest shit but that is literally. the highlight of my day i just love you SO MUCH uve always been so kind to me and i just !!!!! i lov u so mcuh !!!!! ever since becoming friends with u ive rlly discovered myself n i love that fact kdhjgfghggh ur always so nice n just. i lov u sorry i say that so much
techno ( @karda ) TECHIE!!!!!!! TECHIE OH MY GOD IDK HOW I TRICKED U INTO BEING MY FRIEND BC UR GENUIENLYT!!!!!! SO COOL!!!! UR SO TALENTED!!!!! n now!!!! im friends with u!!!!!!! im ur little brother !!!!! n ur my older brother !!!!!!! n just !!!!!!!!!! i love u so mich !!!!!!! ur always so supportive of any and everything that i do !!!!! u always offer to do thinsg for em n just !!!!!! i lov u so mcuh!!!!! u always make me so happy bc i see u n im like “:DD thats techie !!! thats my brother !!” n i just. lov u sm
theseus ( @clownspartys ) tommy !!!!!!!!! tommy oh my god i ahvent known u that long but???? we r best bros??? we r the coolest mother fuckers???? we jsut!!! clicked !!! n its so easy talking to u!!!! we just go n YELL at each other in discord n i think that is very valid of us!!! u truly are one of my favorite people on here !!! anytime i see u im so happy to see u n im just !!!!!! i lov u sm !!!!
wilbur ( @pigstepmp3 ) fundy !!!! oh my god okay genuienly. i love you. ur so supportive of me n anytijme im always down ur there to call me bubba n pull me right back up !!!! anytime anythign happens ur always there like “u absolute buffoon, i lov u sm” n i just!!!! i lov u !!!! ur my older brother n have helped me so much i just love you so much <3333
n then for some other cool people you all should follow :]
@pvnz / @gogyapologist / @fruitbur / @technoblaed / @dreamsclock / @dreamnap / @wooteena / @timedeo / @dreamsmp / @sootwilbur / @wilbysoot / @nickwilding / @jschlatts / @helenspirals / @darkmttrcat / @dreamwastakenalt / @hearty-an0n / @lesbiangogy / @imgns / @dogboykarljacobs / @berenstein / @tommylnnits / @dreamslikeshoney / @enderanboo / @veel556 / @raining-acid / @stick3rzzz / @moo-moo-meadows / @dreampfp / @eret
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sunsinrinn · 3 years
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To my followers,
I am so thankful and grateful to each and everyone of you guys. I remember when I first posted my silly idea of do you love her? One night and woke up to you guys loving it which motivated me to not only continue the story, but also fall in love with writing. I know I haven’t posted content lately and for that I am so sorry but I am so proud and glad to have created a small family of people that enjoy my rather angsty writing. I have so many more ideas to give to you guys and I promise as soon as I finish these classes in may i will post nonstop. Without you guys I never would have continued my stories or wrote anything. I am so grateful and I wish all of you guys the best new year! 2020 was a really rough year for everyone and even rougher of some. I hope that each and everyone of you lovelies mend your broken hearts, fall in love, find happiness, make more friends, become someone that you yourself can be proud of (I already am proud of each and everyone of you guys), but don’t forget, with falling in love you will also experience heart ache, with making friends you risk losing them, by bettering yourselves you will have struggles, but i want you to know, its okay. That’s life and it just makes it better because you get to experience new things. 💕 everything will fall into place, its okay
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To my mutuals:
You are all amazing writers and creators, you all hold so much talent that the world should see💕
@killkuma - were one of my first followers and my very first mutual. I am so glad that I met you in 2020 <3 you are funny, amazing, and very Segsy 🤭 You leave me speechless with how much self confidence you have I’m amazed<3 because of your discord I met so many great and cool people and for that I thank you! I hope you find so much more happiness this year💕
@0-hero-0 - Darlene, did I ever tell you how much I love your name? If I never did now you know :D I am so appreciative of you because you having been one of my first mutuals and you love my writing it shocks me but I am so glad you do. Anytime I feel not up to writing I think of you loving my works which motivates me to write something that I hope you will adore <3 also thank you for being my wifey since day 1 ✨ ily so much Darlene 🥺💕
@svnarintaro - I met you and many other cool beans in eden’s server and I’m glad I did! You have a smart and fun presence about you that makes me feel smart too <3 you’re amazing and I hope this new year is good for you and helps you 💕
@byougen - hey marrrr ✨ hehe. I am so glad I met you. You are so funny and cool ugh like teach me plz <3 you are always there for everyone and it makes me happy when i disappear for a couple of days on discord but everytime I come back you welcome me and say ily and i want you to know i love you mostest <3 thank you so much for helping me with my other blog💕
@h4ji - jas, we don’t talk much but the few times we do is always a great time<3 you are so pretty and cool and confident. Everyone in Eden’s server is omg. But i hope we can become better friends and talk more this year. I hope this year for you brings you happiness and joy. I am forever grateful for those suna pictures you sent me💕
@soy-darcei - thank you so much for making me a kuroo moodboard i am in love with it 🥺 I’m so glad I met you and i love your personality so much <3 you are an amazing person and I hope that 2021 brings you what you search for or what you want 💕
@atsukoumie - sammie! Ily so much you have such a beautiful personality 🥺 we don’t talk *too* often but it is always so much fun to talk to you. You always make me laugh and I am so glad I met you in 2020 you are so kind and funny i hope you have a blast in 2021💕
@kixa - Dri, my mistress I cannot believe I didn’t mention you sooner. You are so much fun and like Mar, you always say hello to me whenever I pop back into the sever after disappearing. I am very lucky to have met you in 2020 thank you for being such an amazing friend and helping me when I have troubles. I promise as soon as I have money I will become a sugar daddy and buy you something as a thanks 🥳💕
@snoploop & @ho4bakugou - you are an amazing mutual and we don’t really communicate much but I was so happy when you followed me because I remember being in love with your works that it was shocking that someone I admire followed me and even interacted with me thank you for being my mutual and making my 2020 better 💕
@jessie9008 - thank you so frickin much for following and deciding to be friends with me I really appreciate it <3 we don’t talk often but you willingly chose to be my friend and again I thank you so much for that. I hope you have a wonderful new year filled with happiness and success💕
@ohhoneyvee - Hi vee! We stopped texting for a bit and thats my fault hehe I am so glad I met you in 2020 and thank you for recommending that fic, I havent finished it but it is so good so far. Also I love your writing so much you have so much talent <3 I hope this new year you have a lot of happiness and joy💕
@sunaswife - knife-Chan you are a wonderful writer and I really love your works <3 I also love playing among us with you because it is fun hehe. I was really happy when I received a notification that told me you followed me it made my day. I hope we can continue to be friend and I hope 2021 treats you wonderfully and you get so much happiness 💕
@chaoswrites - we jsut recently became mutuals but I’ve followed you for a while and I love your works <3 I hope you have a wonderful 2021 and you receive so much love and joy this year 💕
@datech - Diana, you were an amazing friend I met 2020 and thank you for putting up with my vents I’m sorry i vented a lot :P i promise I won’t do it anymore and because of that you know more than you would probably want to know about me and I hope one day you can come to me about your problems or for me to get to know you more so I dont become a bad friend heh, thank for being my friend, ✨
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Thanks to each and everyone of you guys for making my 2020 a better year and I hope you all have an amazing and wonderful year <3
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princecoolkid · 3 years
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.
ik no one cares so i won't cascade a flood of shit on the dashboard, lmao. I just dunno what to do anymore
I don't feel welcomed in my own damn server. I so want to just delete it and move on and idk why I'm keeping it running still. All it does is annoy me and fill me with anxiety and paranoia and it's literally keeping me up at night and none of them care. maybe i sound stupid and childish but I just can't handle the responsibility anymore feeling like I'm hosting a party I'm not having fun at.
I'm even thinking so far as to delete my whole discord account. and either staying off there for good or starting fresh with select people. probably the people i would still wanna talk to don't want to talk to me anyway.
i hate being 26 and still feeling every little thing people say affect me, why haven't I grown the fuck out of it? why do i fucking analyze EVERYTHING, I simply cannot fucking STOP, my stupid brain sees every little thing that's off as an attack and builds this narrative of how others see me. i just wanna bash my fucking head in and break my brain so it shuts up or just yank it out. i think so fucking much sometimes it gives me a damn headache
its like im self destructive i want all the normal things, i want friends and i want love, but i always have to find a way for people to not mean it unless they're perfect or something and even then im afraid of perfection bc of this one bitch
i wanna be nobody again, i wanna be that one artist that talks to and hangs out with no one, just reply with every comments like thank you!!! and thats the most you get out of them. i miss those times, i miss being nobody.
i spend all day thinking and thinking and thinking and fucking thinking and i get absolutely no breaks except when im dead asleep but actually falling asleep is so gd hard.
you know what? strike that. not even when im dead asleep. bc i had a nightmare last night, and thats probably whats pushing me extra on edge today. i hate my dreams so gd much, theyre always about what im stressing about or what i used to stress about or my fears or sometimes they even create a whole new fear for me!!!
i jsut wanna delete, i wanna delete everthing, i wanna delete my art and my personals and be compeltely wiped from the web but i cant bc some asshole out there is gonne repost or pinterest my stupid art and its gonna be out there!!!!!!!!!i wish there was a button to obliterate everything from me from the internet and from people's personal shit.
i'm so tired, i am so so tired, i wish i would get amnesia and start anew or something
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disorganisedpilot · 3 years
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captains log 03-05
i didnt write here becauuse i didnt go to bed last night, so ive been up for about 35 hours
managed to finish my poster
haven’t finished my sample yet
i didnt die, a couple of my more distressing symptoms have returned which i think is because of not sleeping, or at least i hope so because maybe then they will go away if i sleep. im still not able to talk about these symptoms. i once told someone about them and they reacted badly and now i feel like i will never tell anyone about them again because they’re so misunderstood. but i do wish just one person was safe enough to tell
i had my assistive tech meeting and i’m being given access to assistive software for uni bc im now a registered disabled student. this makes me so so happy, the software is going to help me so much, the guy who talked me through it was lovely and i already know its going to help me so much
i joined another discord server and this is going to sound trite but its such a positive space, like i def have my top fave discord server which i run where all my buddies are and all the memes and banter, but this one is so wholesome and i always come out of it feeling so soothed. its jsut a really comforting and friendly environment
i ate cereal, soup, an apple, two jam donuts, pasta and sauce, over the course of the past couple of days. drank lots of orange juice and water and coffee
chatted with some friends but left others on read but everyone knows its deadline time and my mental breakdown wasnt exactly a secret so i hiope they understand
i missed a society online meetup and one of the members who ive never even met in person messaged me after to say she missed me and to ask if i needed food bringing to me or anything. the fact that i exist in people’s consciousness when im not there is still wild to me. im so emo abt her kindness 
watched an episode of my special interest tonight as a reward for making the deadline
i really really need to sleep bc the scary symptoms are nudging at me so im sure im missing something but i want to be unconscious before this gets any worse
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wandering-lounge · 5 years
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health troubles (im ok!)
so, last week on thursday, i went into the hospital unexpectedly, I”ll kinda jsut vent about it below but TLDR: My appendix got me hecked up and I got it removed over Friday, and I’m absolutely fine right now. 
Just chillin, happy to be here, taking my time with things, And, just happy to be alive. and like. SUPER appreciative off everyone who follows me. and people who have been patient with me. 
So, On thursday, I woke up at the crack of 2AM with a pain in my stomach, it was large, and it was really uncomfortable. I spent my entire morning waking up and sleeping dry heaving into my toilet and sink. Until about 5:40 i was hating life, and i eventually got a bowl of cereal in me, and went to work. 
Before i had gone to work, I called my boss and left a voicemail at the office, and what i believed was their home phone. they didn't receive either of them. I told them, “I feel very bad right now, and i honestly dont want to work feeling like this. I’ve been throwing up since 2 am”. I told my boss the same thing to her face, and she said the thing she always says when its the busy time of year, “sorry we dont have any spare help, you HAVE to work today.” I did work anyways, but i figured it might just be some intestinal blockage or something minor. “it’ll go away,”, i thought.
As i drove my bus, i was about halfway through with it and i started feeling more and more nauseous. I threw up out of my window and my passengers freaked out a little.eventually i got back and talked witha  couple of other bus drivers, “what are you feeling?” they asked,
“well,” I said, “Ive been having this constant constipated like pain with nausea and what feels like a fever the entire morning.”
“that very much sounds like appendicitis. Have you had your appendix removed?”
“no” i shrugged, as i went back into the office to clock out.I then went to my boss and asked  if they could do something about getting someone to cover me for the afternoon, As well as mention what happened on route today, “sorry but we cant get anyone else, its just you, just go home and sleep”
I go home, I eat a rice cake, and sleep. I wake up about an hour later and throw up the food. and even some water that i drank with it. I feel even worse than this morning, I talk to my close friends on discord, and they tell me almost immediately, “GO TO THE HOSPITAL” I call my mom and dad to ask them what to do, as well as describe my morning. my mom JUST got off work and heads over to my place to do some personal checkups, and my dad is hours away from home and cant do a thing. they also tell me to call my doctor, i describe everything again.
“yeah, it very much sounds like appendicitis, but theres no way to know for sure unless you go to a hospital, but we do have a doctor appointment open in about an hour and a half.” 
I shrug off the appointment for now cause my mom was inbound. I just stare at my phone, “i know that i cant let them down but i’m REALLY nervous about this,” i talk to my friends and they helped me su up the will to talk to my boss one last time, 
I call her, she answers, and...”Boss, I cannot come in”
“what do you mean you cant come in?” 
“i dont feel comfortable coming into work this afternoon, I’m not going to risk this, i really dont feel good,”
“but i need you here, you need to come to work. Who’s going to pick up all of these passengers?”
“tell them were short staffed. its just how it is right now.”
“I cannot tell them that”
“im sorry but I cannot come in”
“fine, then stay home”
It felt awful. my boss was mad, and, well i honestly wasn't risking shit over this.
 And the moment we met up, I tell her aboutt he appointment, and we immediately go. my mom is almost speeding. I was more worried about her anxiety than my own well-being at that point. but eventually we made it to the meeting, My doctor told me the same thing as the nurse over the phone, “it is most likely appendicitis, if your appendix bursts, it could be very messy, very expensive, and... very potentially fatal if not treated soon enough, IF it bursts that is. so yes i highly reccomend the hospital. and so we went.
I get admitted, got my gown. got my room and bed, friend comes and visits, both my parents and half brother visit. its grand. all good and calm as i got prepped for the night and my cat scan. cause you cannot detect the appendix accurately enough on an Ultrasound (the more you know sound plays).
YEP its appendicitis. i sleep for the night. and got it removed the next day. they actually bumped up my surgery by about 3 hours or so cause i woke up in the morning with a 103 fever. (yikes) but they got me an ice bag and opened the door, 
That same day, I ate food, kept it down. felt SO, much better, and i walked out of the hospital. i was so happy to have that garbage out of me. apparently i was struggling with it. possibly for about a year. yeah... so yeah that happened.
also my boss fessed up a couple days later and said things are covered, told me not to worry about it, she felt very sorry about being a “heel”. and, I appreciate it. she told me if i need to i can take 2 weeks off, my doctor gave me a note for a week off.so. all well that ends well.
ok story time is over friends. thanks for reading.
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blaurascon-kzk · 4 years
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KZK Discord Digest [Week of Nov 22 - Nov 28]
SUMMARY: Work's still progressing on the LE Kirins. Some previews for the Aeterna (Time) one in this post! Kat's made a channel in the Discord specifically for posting quick WIP shots and previews while he's working. I likely won't be covering that channel in the Digests, given 1. there are a lot and 2. there are still WIP shots in Announcements, but we'll see. In the meantime, you'll have to check out the Discord to see em. Links in my SL profile. We migrated our databases to a new host the other day. The old host had been giving us fits for a long while, from downtime to failed purchases, but the recent streak of "vendors going offline and unable to come back online if we had to reboot anything" was the last straw. New host is much more robust than the old one - you'll notice this in faster purchase times, and if vendors need to reboot, they'll come back up faster. In addition, we'll be able to add item descriptions again! We weren't able to have these for quite a while due to issues with the old host. We'll get those updated soon as we have a bit of spare time. One caveat: If you happen to have any Vouchers left over from old events (e.g. the Sweetheart vouchers from Valentine's where you choose an avatar color), those will no longer work. They need to talk to the databases & don't have the right configuration now. You can manually redeem them from Kat if you need. Similarly, any vendors that we missed updating will no longer be able to properly talk to the item servers. If you happen across a vendor that seems to be failing to deliver an item, let us know so we can update it!
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Nov 22
KatLast Friday at 5:09 PM @everyone So one of the final 4 kirins to be release is Aeterna, the avatar of Time. Here's a quick concept doodle for it. It wears a mask resembling a ram's head, and the horns are notched like a gear or cog.
For the design, I wanted something that looked aged and wise, yet still had a regal air to it. its main colors will be bronze, gold, copper, and maroon.
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KatLast Friday at 8:31 PM @everyone So tonight I was approached by a fellow KZK community member and friend, with a simple request to help them troubleshoot a rig. After trial and error, a solution was found and they were well on their way toward finishing a project that had been plaguing them for weeks.
And herein lies the problem. The individual, who will remain nameless, who rigged this model, seems to have taken umbrage to me assisting.
I don't understand this mentality. I don't understand why they're upset, or why they're taking it out on the person who asked me for help.
KZK wouldn't be where it was were it not for the contributions of many before me. Everything I've learned, I learned from youtube videos, forum tutorials, and industry leaders like Michael "Orb" Vicente, most famous for his 'Orb_Cracks' brush that basically every major game studio uses these days(I'm not kidding).
Im also not afraid to admit when I'm wrong, or when I don't understand something. Years ago, I didn't know how to make good LODs, until members of this very community gave me information that made it possible.
Point I'm trying to make is, and the reason I'm posting this: If you don't know something, reach out. Its not dumb to not know something. Its dumb to not ask for help, because it just makes you look close minded and ignorant. Don't punish others for your ignorance, because the files I worked with tonight were new territory for me. I had the missing piece to the puzzle and progress was made.
Art and progress can't exist in a vacuum. There's entire generations of others who came long before you did--And there'll be plenty more to follow in your footsteps and eventually surpass you. Its why I'm always so eager to help. always eager to teach, because someone else was kind enough to teach me.
This has been your latest 'Old man shouts at clouds', brought to you by Kat who needs another cup of coffee.
KatLast Friday at 8:39 PM @everyone Also, if you're new to KZK, or not familiar with this: Sometimes a topic will come up, or something will happen that sorta.. just sets me off.
I'm 'famous', at least as far as the furry community in Second life is concerned. I could use that power for evil, but I dont. Instead I use it to try and spread a message from time to time. Today's lesson just happened to be about 'learning to learn', a subject that's always been near and dear to me.
You can ignore these kinds of posts if you want, but if you do read them, Please take them either with a grain of salt, or to heart. up to you. Its just important for me to raise awareness for issues like this from time to time.
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Nov 24
KatLast Sunday at 1:57 AM @everyone Kinda dawned on me tonight that I wanted to make a channel where I could post updates and teasers to ongoing projects too minor/frequent to place into announcements(I don't like sending too many too often).
So, I've added a new channel to the General tab, called #teasers-and-wips. Reactions are enabled, but replies are disabled--you can share feedback in #general chat.  Enjoy!
KatLast Sunday at 5:25 AM @everyone My progress for today on the Aeterna Kirin. I've got the rings already modelled, just need to uv unwrap them and get them baked out once I get some sculpted detail onto them. Then its on to the floaty bits of fabric, which should go quickly, and lastly a new set of fur assets to make this old soul look wiry and wise. I'm particularly tickled with the skull so far. While definitely not true to a goat's skull, as intended, I much prefer the visage this design gives and I hope you all do too!
The skull and horns (and all other parts), will be static(with a bento alternative tail included, per the norm), so you'll be free to rip everything apart and repurpose it as your heart desires!
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Nov 25
KatLast Monday at 6:16 PM @everyone Progress on the Aeterna is probably 95% at this point. The skin/body textures in use are not final(jsut using the chocolate textures so its not solid white), and I still gotta add the belly scales and make the asset for the maroon fabric hanging from the rings all over. I'm pretty stoked with how these hair assets came out. Also fun little side effect, when you remove the mask/horns, it looks like a cool kirin/zebra witch doctor kinda, so hey, some modding potentiall there for people.
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Bonus: No mask
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Nov 27
KatYesterday at 3:37 AM @everyone Hey reminder that there's a snazzy new #teasers-and-wips channel where I post progress on upcoming projects! I've been posting my recent progress on the Nova, complete with some behind the scenes  showing how I create assets that contribute to larger items. Its good fun!
KatYesterday at 4:35 AM @everyone At this moment, we're performing some server migration for our databases(We've got backups this time I promise!), so purchasing will be unavailable.
For those curious, we've had many vendors crashing and not coming back online in recent months. We originally suspected this to be a Second Life issue but it traced back to recent changes our host made, effectively crippling our servers.
We're migrating to a new host, and internal testing has already shown faster purchases, vendor boots, and the restoration of a long missing feature, item descriptions!!
We'll give the all clear once migration is done.
KatYesterday at 7:20 AM @everyone It is 7:15 in the morning, and Flame and I have powered through the night (although this is his day), to chase down a MYRIAD of issues that have been plaguing our system for the last several years. The crashing and failure to boot was definitely the nail in the coffin So this had to happen sooner or later.
BUT! We're ..technically code orange. The migration is complete, and as of the time of this writing, only the MAIN STORE KZK vendors and DIREWOLF Vendors have been updated to cache to the new server.
ANY Purchases made from ANY OTHER KZK vendor WILL NOT DELIVER at this time. I will be fixing the remaining vendors grid-wide once I've gone and copped a few hours of beauty sleep. This includes all KZK Multi-category vendors, and ALL Single prim vendors besides the Direwolves.
ALSO: If you are in possession of a voucher, they will no longer deliver items! There is no way to fix these going forward besides doing a manual delivery of the desired item(in exchange for the in-tact, unused voucher). All future vouchers going forward will use the new system.
TLDR: Only kzk main vendors work in Okarthel, as well as direwolves. Everything else is still fucked and im too tired to bother. I'll deal with those in the morning(after ive slept) (any purchases made to off-site vendors will be manually redelivered tomorrow as well, so if you wanna avoid failed purchases, just use Okarthel)
Flame SoulisYesterday at 7:35 AM Do note though that vendors and vouchers will continue to be recorded. All we have to do is re-add the purchase/item redemption to the newer system and your item will deliver.
So, in short, your purchase will be recorded if purchased outside the main store. It'll just be delayed until someone can update the newer system.
KatYesterday at 8:08 PM @everyone Took all day but I think I've managed to track down all active locations. All vendors, including the single prim stuff, has been switched over. In the event you find a vendor that fails to deliver properly, please let me or blau know.
Current vendor versions are 1.94(sergal and normal), and 1.51 for the stone pillar ones.
you are now free to move about the cabin. Now if you'll excuse me, I need more coffee and food. Stupid blood sugar @-@
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kachinnate · 5 years
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as you all know, the only venting i ever post on here is reblogged subtle depression feels *sparkle emoji* or an explosion of all the shit that’s happened to me like every three months because i cannot take Any More under a read more 
the three month deadline has come now 
triggers below, check the tags please
this year has unabashedly been the worst year of my life. 
and that sounds dramatic, and i know i could have it worse, and maybe i’m being selfish because literally all the things that have happened this year have been all inner turmoils and i’ve literally had years where my family went through financial struggles + death and stuff and even that doesn’t compare to the emotional toll i’ve went through this year but it’s just. bad. it’s so bad. 
i don’t know how or why but my depression seemed to just fucking turn itself up 8 notches after january hit to the point where i had to tell my dad that i needed medical help lmao... and i got my first diagnosis, my first perscription.. and it didn’t work, so they upped the dosage, and that didn’t work, so now i’m on a new medicine which has a starting dosage of 150mg, and my doctor told me if this one didn’t work she’s going to refer me to a psychiatrist, and i must have looked so broken and on the verge of tears when she said this because she immediately had to reassure me that this wasn’t a failure on my own part, which logically makes sense right, but at the same time it’s just so?? fucking disheartening?? after months of my upper dosage not working i just cold turkeyed them until my next appointment which probably wasn’t the Best Thing because shortly following that i realized that i wanted to k*ll mys*lf more in a two week period than i’d have ever in my entire life, and i thought that suicide idealization was an issue i struggled with since forever, but boy howdy was i wrong because these past couple of weeks have been sooooooo fuckin bad lmao. like i struggle opening my medicine because sometimes i dump like all of it out and just. look at it. in my hand. i never actually do it because i’m way too scared of having a seizure or my dad doing something stupid if i were dead but what if. what if what if what if. it’s more of an intrusive thought than me planning on it, but. what if. my new medication has a specific warning that it’s dangerous for overdoses which is. genuinely kind of scary. what if. 
i realized that i don’t have anyone friendwise irl anymore over the course of this school year. to save you and myself the retelling of the most bullshit high school drama i’ve ever been apart of, i realized that all my friends in my Group (tm) couldn’t care any less about me than they already do. i’ve always adored them and loved them with all of my being, and yeah i am not endowed to their appreciation back i guess, but watching them slowly and gradually ditch me and exclude me and ignore me and go out of their way to show me that they don’t care about my existence has been the biggest fucking emotional blow. people outside of this group told me that they were awful people and bad for me and so incredibly toxic and guess what? i defended them and now the fact that i was wrong makes me want to tear my fucking guts out. i spent three whole years with these group of people only for them to decide in the past six months that i’m not worth it. i feel so fucking empty. one of those people was supposed to be my best friend of nine years. and i still fucking love him despite all of that, y’know? i love all of them even though they have made me sob every night over the latter course of a school year and feel unsafe in a club that i was once prominent in and that’s so bullshit and so unfair but it’s fine it’s whatever. and like, i should have seen it coming, because the build up was them treating me so fucking badly. it’s an ongoing joke that despite being rank 1 in my class, i’m.. an idiot? like it’s a joke that haha i’m short and haha i’m stupid and haha i can’t interact with people and i have debilitating anxiety and i make mistakes all the time and i’m the ditzy lesbian of our friend group, even when i express that i hate being called stupid but they just insist that they’re joking with me and that i’m too sensitive. i can count on one hand the amount of times they picked at me for my eating habits even though at least one of them knew i have a pretty bad ED. they picked and picked and picked at me and then when we have our first fight they all immediately fucking drop me, and i still love them and i still try to fix everything but suddenly i’m not worth the effort anymore. it’s draining. i’m so, so tired. outside of the toxic group(tm), anyone that was close to me as i friend (or otherwise) i ended up pushing away or drifting away from or fucking up the relationship on my own, and even if it’s ‘Okay’ on objective terms, to know that i fucked up something that was once really really nice and now i can’t even feel comfortable opening up a message first because i know i’ll get left on read or, even worse, have to read a one-sided, hardly caring/pitying conversation makes me just not want to bother at all. it’s so hard to reach out to the few people i know do kinda sorta care for me, but the fact that i’ve been absent for this long? it makes the few relationships i have strained and forced so i can’t even bring myself to put myself out there knowing that it’s only going to make me feel worse
working makes me?? so miserable ????? i worked at pizza hut up until the beginning of june and while i was good at it and i had friends there, i didn’t get paid enough so i had to quit. i started a new job. i fucking hate it. i actively dread going there. people refuse to train me or are incredibly fucking disrespectful/unfriendly to me if i ask for help or just don’t know how to do something. i feel bad ranting about it because every single person i’ve asked for advice from just says that i’ll get used to it or it’s in my head, which.... regardless of whether or not it is, making me feel like it’s my fault or that i’m being crazy makes me feel sooo fucking sick and like i’m actually insane. i heard it enough from my friends this year. i’m so tired of being blamed for things happening that, while they might be worsened by the anxiety in my head, it isn’t JUST THAT. sometimes things are just BAD but they’re not because I’M making them seem bad, they genuinely just are!!!! not everything is in my head !!!!! things can be upsetting with it being solely because i’m fucking anxious every moment of every fucking day !!!!! regardless i need money so i can’t quit but goddammit i hate every minute i’m not at my house. 
all in all, i just feel so, so fucking alone. i have friends on here, and i’m so thankful for them - i’m so grateful to every lovely message i’ve gotten on anon and i’m so thankful for my buds on discord and i’m so thankful for streams and my stream team and i’m so thankful for people who follow me for musicals or art and actively talk to me about them - but it’s just.. here. when i log off and step back from my computer, i’m just immediately fucking alone again. if i were to disappear one day, no one would know what happened to me or where i went, and eventually no one would even care, given that anyone even noticed my absence to begin with. i’m so replaceable. i’m literally just another fucking face on here. another cutesy musical blog ran by a very, very fucking dysfunction kid
anytime i’m shown any shred of kindness, i just. start sobbing. like i cannot even interact like a person, or hell, like the person i was a year ago. this girl i’d been talking to momentarily told me that for as much as i’m there for other people, i need someone that i can jsut lean on and have care about me, and like. i cried. so much. when was the last time i had that? when was the last time i just had someone, anyone just to be here for me? and again, not saying it in a way like i deserve that or am entitled to that, but god fucking damnit i haven’t just rant on and on or spilled my feelings to someone without worrying that they’d get upset with me or deflect it back onto themselves in so, so long. i just want someone to listen. i just want someone to care. 
and it’s who i try to be, all the time. the person that cares, the person that listens, and that just might be part of the problem. i say this all the time, and it’s a mantra and probably one of the main highlighted points that comes with my depression: i put so, so much out, so much energy and love and time, and i get almost nothing back. and it takes suuuuch a fucking toll. in such, it causes me to retreat and suddenly just cut people off or distance myself because i’m scared of letting myself get hurt again because the emotional turmoil i go through genuinely, genuinely almost fucking kills me every time. when that whole thing happened with my friend group, i went days without eating and just. wouldn’t talk. wouldn’t do anything other than school. because school is my safety, i can always rely on school, school will always be there - so i threw myself in school and overworked myself and overmaxed my credit hours and like. if i didn’t have that, if i didn’t have my classes, i really don’t know if i’d be here right now. and it sounds dramatic and i’m sorry, i hate it too, but it’s just the fucking truth.  but - yeah again, i’m the person that’s always there. that’s why i never fucking rant like this on here. i don’t want to be triggering, and i don’t want to cause people distress, and i want people who are having a hard time to see my blog and maybe feel a little bit better and feel happy and have fun. but in the end, this is the only place i have to scream out into the void because i genuinely don’t have a space to do that in real life anymore. nothing. there’s nothing else. 
i’ve always said that when i go to college, i’m just going to do a hard-reset and change up everything. reinvent myself. but sometimes i really don’t see myself getting out of this year alive, or at the very least in one piece. i’m already fucked in so many regards. i’m predestined to be an alcoholic. my brain is actively trying to fucking detonate itself. i’ve never been in love, and sometimes i worry that i never will be. i cry and cry and cry out, but i can’t get help. my solutions to problems is just working until i forget or sleeping until i forget or just finding an alternate way to fucking forget. everything that i’m looking forward to is so incredibly temporary or so short lived or so pathetically small in the grand scheme of things. i have to stay alive to see my AP scores on july 5th. i have to stay alive because i promised my friends i’d stream on this day. i have to stay alive because i promised addie i’d go see this show with her in september. but it’s not for me. it’s never for fucking me. i couldn’t care less. 
i’m not going to ever kill myself because i’m too scared of the pain or the symptoms that i’ll feel right up to it. but otherwise, i really don’t know why else i’m obligated to stay here. 
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Get to know me - tag I was tagged by @anotherplumbob so here you go! I tried to update my simself a bit. Even though my hair is way longer right now :D 1. What is your full name? Celine 2. What is your nickname? Chip 3. Birthday? june 22nd 4. What is your favorite book series? Definitely Harry Potter :D 5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Not in the scary horror movie kind of way. I guess there’s probably some kind of life somewhere out there in the universe. And on the matter of ghosts: Sometimes I want to believe our loved ones aren’t gone completely and still watching over us in some kind but not in a spooky haunting houses kind of way :P 6. Who is your favorite author? J.K. Rowling  7. What is your favorite radio station? I only listen to my local radio station on my way to work in my car   8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Lime 9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? awesome I guess 10. What is your current favorite song?  Writing down favorites is always so hard because mine change so much :D But I like the song “Odds of Being Alone” by Trent Dabbs & Amy Stroup a lot at the moment
Putting the rest under the cut for not spamming your dash!
11. What is your favorite word? mhm not really favorite word but my best friend is always saying I use the word amusing a lot even though no one really uses it anymore . Also nostalgic 12. What was the last song you listened to? see favorite song   13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Everything on this list  14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? One of the old Disney movies! I have almost every movie on DVD 15. Do you play video games? yes 16. What is your biggest fear? Losing loved ones 17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I think I’m quit empathic and people say I’m good at giving advice and cheering them up. 18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I talk too much and am being sarcastic to protect myself way too much 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? dogs! 20. What is your favorite season? spring but autumn being very close second 21. Are you in a relationship? no 22. What is something you miss from your childhood? not having to worry about so much  23. Who is your best friend? I have a male best friend I met back in high school 24. What is your eye color? Dark blue with a partial heterochromia in my left eye 25. What is your hair color? dark rown 26. Who is someone you love? My family, friends and pets 27. Who is someone you trust? The persons I trust most are my mother and my best friend 28. Who is someone you think about often? Everyone I know that is struggling with something and people I lost 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? Hopefully celebrating christmas with my whole family again this year! Also having some days off around the end of december! 30. What is your biggest obsession? Constantly changing between my hobbys and interests - currently I’m back at obsessing about everything Harry Potter related 31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? As small child I loved House of mouse and Bear in the big blue house 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? my best friend 33. Are you superstitious? no 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? I absolutely terrified of diving and being pulled under water - especially after a teacher in school nearly drowned me when I was 11yrs old 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? I’m working in video post production and as a photographer so definitely BEHIND the camera! 36. What is your favorite hobby? ballroom dancing, sims, reading & photography 37. What was the last book you read? Currently rereading the Harry Potter series so right now I’m at chamber of secrets!
38. What was the last movie you watched? I saw phantastic beasts 2 last monday
39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? sadly I can’t play any instruments even though I would love to be able to play the piano 40. What is your favorite animal?  dogs 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? That’s way too hard to decide :D 42. What superpower do you wish you had? going back in time   43. When and where do you feel most at peace?  cuddling with my dogs at home 44. What makes you smile? happy animals, seing my friends & family 45. What sports do you play, if any? I’m not a sports person at all - if you don’t count ballroom dancing 46. What is your favorite drink? coffee 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? A long while ago back in school   48. Are you afraid of heights? no 49. What is your biggest pet peeve? narcissim and impoliteness 50. Have you ever been to a concert? no 51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? no 52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I always wanted to work with pets but I couldn’t bear seeing all the awful things at a vet or shelter so I decided to go for something different. I still volunteer at the shelter though! 53. What fictional world would you like to live in? The Harry Potter universe 54. What is something you worry about? I’m constantly worrying about everyone around me 55. Are you scared of the dark? no  56. Do you like to sing? in the car to myself yes but in front of others no way 57. Have you ever skipped school? yes I skipped a few useless classes sometimes 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? My favorite city is London. Favorite place is sitting on my window sill with the window open at summer nights! 59. Where would you like to live? London or somewhere in switzerland even though I love my home town 60. Do you have any pets? two silver labradors 61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl 62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets 63. Do you know how to drive? Yes  64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? For working or at home headphones but for travelling earbuds 65. Have you ever had braces? yes from age 11-14yrs 66. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t have a favorite genre it’s a wild mix of everything from calm alternative music to Rock’n’Roll from the 50s 67. Who is your hero? My mother  68. Do you read comic books? no but I read some Disney comics when I was younger 69. What makes you the most angry? people lying to my face, someone hurting my loved ones 70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? I tried to like E-books but I just can’t get used to them and I love the smell of new books! 71. What is your favorite subject in school? Geography 72. Do you have any siblings? 1 half-sister but we don’t have much contact 73. What was the last thing you bought? a christmas present for my grandma and a Winnie Pooh notebook  74. How tall are you? 165cm / 5,4 feet 75. Can you cook? A few things 76. What are three things that you love? cuddling with pets, sitting on my window sill on a rainy day, sleeping 77. What are three things that you hate? having to wake up early, annoying people & animal abuse 78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? female but it used to be the other way around for a long time 79. What is your sexual orientation? straight  80. Where do you currently live? Germany 81. Who was the last person you texted? a friend of mine 82. When was the last time you cried? two weeks ago on my way back from work after a real shitty week 83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? I don’t watch YouTube a lot so I don’t have one 84. Do you like to take selfies? not at all - my phone is basically 80% dog photos 85. What is your favorite app? the apps I use the most are Whatsapp, discord, tumblr & spotify 86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? My mom and I are very close/ my father and I have a very complicated relationship 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? I love the british accent 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? I would love to visit canada and ireland one day 89. What is your favorite number? 4 90. Can you juggle? no 91. Are you religious? no 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? The deep ocean even though I’m totally scared of being under water 93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? No not really more of the opposite 94. Are you allergic to anything? kiwis and most pain killers 95. Can you curl your tongue? no 96. Can you wiggle your ears? no 97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? I’m always open to admitting I’ve done something wrong in argument because it’s never jsut one person that did something wrong 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest 99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?  Not really an advice but a lesson I learned. Sometimes you can’t save everyone from themselves. So sometimes you just have to let go. 100. Are you a good liar? depends on who I’m lying to. I hate lying to people that mean a lot to me so those often notice something is wrong.  101. What is your Hogwarts House? Ravenclaw 102. Do you talk to yourself? yes sometimes 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? A mix of both. More of an introvert I guess but once I get to know people I can also be an extrovert 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? I used to a few years ago but not anymore 105. Do you believe in second chances? yes but I give way too many to people I like 106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?return it or hand it to the police 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes but sometimes people are wa better in changing for the worse 108. Are you ticklish? no 109. Have you ever been on a plane? yes 110. Do you have any piercings? no not even ear holes 111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Dobby!  112. Do you have any tattoos? no 113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? applaing for my current job 114. Do you believe in karma? Yes 115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no  116. Do you want children? I’m not sure if it’s going to change but at the moment I would say I don’t think so 117. Who is the smartest person you know? my mother 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I’m so clumsy I’m getting myself into embarassing situations every day. But on the top of the list would be a mistake on my graduation that caused ALL my photos from my external drive ending up in the slideshow that was shown on stage... 119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes 120. What color are most of you clothes? all shades of blue, dark red, grey and brown 121. Do you like adventures? I’m a control freak so it’s hard for me to enjoy situations that I don’t know the end of 122. Have you ever been on TV? yes, I worked as a photgrapher on a pet adoption show and was seen in the background  123. How old are you? 21 124. What is your favorite quote? Sometimes the best book has the dustiest jacket and the best tea cup is chipped ;) 125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory    I’m tagging @saurussims @simblrbreezycakes & @mlyssimblr (Feel free to ignore this if you don’t want to do it!)
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KETTLE KATCHERZ FEEL FREE TO READ
under a read more due to length oops
suddenly overcome with love for my players. its a constant emotion but im feeling it so big right now. 
theyre just so invested in the world! and their characters! and theyre so kind!?! truly i think dnd brings out the best in people.
i gave them some kenku that are having trouble integrating with a community because of the language barrier and now my players are out of game diving into esl education to make a communication book to help them get basic ideas across.
it is an ongoing joke that they adopt every npc i give them and its not much of a joke bc no lie i think there are just as many npcs who travel with the party as there are actual pcs. actually i just counted there are exactly as many party npcs as there are pcs. three of those npcs are kind of just one npc who at one point shared a consciousness but are now separate(-ish) beings and one of those npcs is just a small horde of dust bunnies that occasionally either makes or cleans up messes so you could argue the numbers dont actually line up but it is still an absurd number of npcs to have adopted. i have to plan reasons npcs cant or dont want to go on adventures as one of the first character points i make otherwise their party would be triple its size. i am constantly forgetting how many npcs they have with them at all times but they Dont forget and make points to include them in conversations and decision making.
i just think dnd brings out the best in people!!!
also i lowkey hate making maps but maps are important for understanding the world so iv been doing research and shit and trying to get better at it but! my players literally help with that? not just in making it fun and rewarding but like literally help with the task of it? 
as in we just came from a city that one of my players spent a few years at so he drew a map of the city and wrote me out a Huge world building document about the city and its culture and like, climate and neighborhoods and what was important to his character while living there and everything! and another player gave me a six page document that included maps about the territory their character grew up in like, almost at the very beginning of our campaign! i havn’t even had a chance to use any of that information yet because they come from a very far away place! they dont care they Had Fun making me this big old document! and now we’re visiting a player’s childhood home and They’ve offered to make the map for the area! that would be three whole maps all player made!!! 
theyre just so invested and make things so easy on me!!! it is so easy to dm a group that is constantly focused on Working With the world and moving their characters forward!
and its a super homebrewed campaign partially bc i honestly think thats not only more fun but how dnd is Meant to be played, with some creativity and making shit up on the spot, but also my players are so good!!! about shit being homebrew!!! when something comes up we dont know the rules for or which rules dont exist for we work together to decide what happens!!! if someone knows a rule i dont they let me know and i can ask them what they think happens given the rules that do apply and we make decisions together on how it works with a focus on what makes the most compelling story! 
its just so truly OUR game!!! my beloved comrades!!!
Also like, its been off and on and we’ve taken breaks but we’ve been playing since March 2019? and people have added and left and like i said we’ve had to take breaks but in the end this is not a campaign i can imagine not being in anymore. i cannot imagine this campaign ending just because, like, there’s just so many of them who are so invested!!! and Im so invested! to be honest this campaign is one of the most fun and rewarding things in my life and one of my favorite things about it is how confident i am that it is going to be a constant in my life for a long time. like im really able to just Revel in this campaign and sink hours of work into weird bullshit and plan out arcs and enemies and friends and plot hooks and aesthetic bullshit i dont expect our party to meet for Quite a while because i just! i have no fear that this is going to end!
One of my players got a symbol from our campaign tattooed onto their flesh body? art that i made for dungeons and dragons? it will be on their human body for the rest of their life? and another got a tattoo that (partially) represents what this campaign means to them? another has told me they would love to get a campaign related tattoo with me someday? there is a tattoo in game that binds (most of) the pcs to each other and there has been talk about us getting that tattoo together?
i cannot think about this for too long or i go insane. i made some shapes on canva and spent the whole time wishing i had ms paint because ms paint is my level of art and these are designs that are being added to bodies because we have collectively installed so much emotion and meaning into them. 
i am losin gmy mind.
and like, iv already sunk lowkey a kind of unreasonable amount of time (esp for someone who just went back to school and has homework!) into making my kenku soundboard and mixtape but its been such a passion project already and the whole time iv been working on it iv had Zero fear of the reception because i Know and Trust that my players will think my first attempt at using garageband is sick as hell even if its kind of not because they are just crazy supportive and love our world like i cant even really call it my world its truly Our world and! we all love and contribute to it!!!???!!!
I just love my party so much!!!
i just!!! truly think!!! dnd brings out the best in people!!!
at the end of every session we do a rose/bud/thorn (thing we liked/thing we’re looking forward to/thing that could be improved or issue wed like to bring up) to check in with how the session went!!! we discuss things we didnt like and how wed change them!!! 
they challenge me Constantly not just in pushing my capabilities as a growing dm but they also speak up and challenge my decisions when they disagree! 
i jsut cannot get over how truly we are Working Together in all aspects to make this campaign what it is. 
i have a tendency to move dnd at a crawling pace where every hour of every day is meticulously role played. and they told me they didnt like that and now we work together to make things move faster! and it doesnt always work and we still dont move that fast but weve brainstormed several options and tried a few new things to make it easier for me to go faster!
PROBLEM SOLVING INSIDE AND OUTSIDE OF GAME
dnd! brings out! the best in people!
and also also also theres like, Multiple players who really hate using technology and sometimes esp video chatting. and most sessions currently people’s thorns have been tech issues/being on video. but wer still all (mostly) show up every session! we still submit to the mortifying ordeal of being seen/heard on discord!
some of my players have an accented character voice and i love them So So So Much for this and it makes me feel confident and comfortable enough to try my best at (when i remember to) doing character voices for npcs but we are not critical role and we are certainly not voice actors so none of our voices are very good or consistent! and my players with accents get self conscious about this pretty often but like!!! they are TRYING!!! they are GIVING IT THEIR ALL!!!
what more could anyone possibly ask of them?
multiple players have come to me concerned and looking for advice/help because they dont think theyre very good at role play/staying in character. we’ve got people who so dedicated theyre stepping Way outside their comfort zone and then turning around and apologizing for how far a walk it was??? they are giving it Their All and their biggest concern is how to give MORE?
i had a moment last session where i realized that our current arc is literally exactly the kind of arc i Dreamed of dming when i was first starting out. like, not to toot my own horn but its legitimately open world and they have a mystery that they need to get to know a small community and find out what everyone knows and put all the pieces together to figure out what happened. i used to scroll through dm forums Endlessly looking for Any advice on how to plan a good mystery and i didnt think id ever be at the point where i could actually pull a mystery Or an open world arc off. but like, here i am. its going pretty great so far.
also this current arc is one of the First i ever thought up for this campaign. obviously it’s changed and evolved a lot since original concept but like. just a Bit emotional over, ya know. finally getting here and having it be even better than i imagined. how far we’ve all come, in and out of game. the fact that my players had so much fun talking to my prize npc kenku whom i have been developing for literal years now and adore beyond reason that they are learning about esl studies to help them integrate into the coven they are trying to join.
DND! BRINGS OUT! THE BEST IN PEOPLE!
COLLABORATIVE STORYTELLING. WORKING TOGETHER TO CRAFT MEANING. LOVING AND SUPPORTING EACH OTHERS CREATIVE DECISIONS. MAKING DICK JOKES.
THIS IS WHAT DND IS ALL ABOUT BABY. 
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oakmd · 6 years
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Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !
Continue? ▶YES ▷NO
 Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at. 
As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half. 
As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there.  Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.
There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people: 
@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science
@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert  - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.
@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v
@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak 
@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy. 
@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO
@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that. 
@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person. 
@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (
@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them. 
@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser. 
@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.
@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!
@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay? 
@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend! 
@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!
@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.
@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!
@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (
@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone! 
@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!
OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble  @thunderstonereject  @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove  @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun
I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.
BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
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03713 · 6 years
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good things that happened today:
i got out of bed on my own and got ready for school w/o too much difficulty!!
even so my brother was still nice enough to check up on me a couple times to make sure i was doing ok, and later drove me to school :D he ruffled my hair when we got there and told me to have a good day
i really really tried hard to understand what the ufck i was reading (since im taking classes on the computer) w/o getting distracted, and i was able to focus today and actually learn and comprehend some GEOMETRY shit today
i only have one more thing to do with that same geometry class before im done with it!! granted the next class is geometry B .. but still!!
they’re letting us have a break class in third period again, so we can have art classes again!!!
today was like the third day of it bein back, and my instructor complimented my work on the assignment a lot!! i think he noticed i was a little nervous about being slower and more precise than the other kids, and went out of his way to reassure me by saying my art technique was similar to artists in the renaissance period- “you keep building and building and building on something, focusing on all the little details to make something perfect” and i was like oh man... thank u..??!! i was genuinely moved asdfhjfk
our school was basically like fuck it and faked that fire drill i mentioned before jsut so we could get out for the weekend a whole hour early.....
it really was honestly so pretty out while i was waitin for my dad to come pick me up, like i rambled about it in the tags of that post but it was such a nice day out.. there was just the right amount of wind and it was refreshingly cool and breezy, and it was easy to tell that flowers were poppin back up and everythin was like .. fillin up with life almost, it made me realize how different things have been over the past year or two and how yes, i really am alive and standing here, at my school where i have good grades and the ideal schedule and i have no reason to panic about it anymore, and how im going home to a supportive family and good friends and a safe corner of the world meant for me and my family, how just. wonderful it is to be here right in that moment and to have made it from the darkest period of my life. it was an amazing feeling!! like its hard to describe it... i was just proud of myself for being able to recognize how much things have changed for the better and how i made it, how im still alive. it was so so nice
plus my dad bought me celebratory raising cane’s on the way home from school!!!!!!!!!!!
there’s a website that is an ongoing developing project managed by partners of the seoul dynasty that works as a kind of VOD reviewer (for overwatch obvi!!) that im a beta user of! they have a discord server im a part of too, and the other day they made an announcement that they released all these brand new features a lot of us users have been lookin forward to for awhile, and today i got to see them for myself!!! its quite impressive!!
i got sleepy after eating the food my dad bought for me, like im talkin my eyes were gettin too heavy and i was starting to doze off in my chair, and for a moment i was worried that if i went to bed now my schedule would be all messed up for tomorrow, but then i realized i dont have school tomorrow so i said fuck it nd wen to bed!!!!!!!!!
i curled up with my cat on my bed and i kind of haphazardly took off my glasses and placed them somewhere on the bed.. before i was out like a LIGHT
i was sleepin in a weird position (like quite literally curled up right beside my kitty and right on the edge of the bed) and my brother actually poked his head in and asked me if i was ok hshfgh.. he was reassured when i told him ya .. im just out here sleepin..
i woke up a couple times in the night but it was just to make sure i wasnt disturbing friday too much with my presence, and each time i gave her a lil smooch she would chirp instinctively and start to purr
i woke up just now for the same reason but also so that i could finish writing all this down because while it may not seem like much i felt absolutely compelled to do this today .. i think ill brush my teeth nd wash my face real fast before hittin the hay again
i felt and still feel very grateful for all that i have right now .. like all the basic stuff people tend to take for granted, like food and water and a place to sleep. but i know im especially lucky in that i have a good relationship with my family and friends, i have an education and a future, i have clothes and shoes and even bits and pieces of jewelry, i dont have any medical conditions or injuries, i can see and hear and smell and touch, im safe and happy with everything in my life right now and im very conscious of that fact pretty much daily.. sometimes it feels like i disassociate almost, because very often i take everything in and i stare at everything and all the details. like..
these are my hands, those are mine, that door looks like its made of wood and you remember when they worked on the transition right there from tile to wood, you have a cat in front of you right now that had a whole nother life before she came here, but everything aligned just right so that now shes here in front of you and just about as blissful of her ability to take a cozy nap right now as you are, like its really all sinking in on a daily basis and has been for as long as i can remember, except its not the typical dysphoric-like disassociation people normally experience, i think.. its like a good thing! 
and on that note im grateful that im grateful, if that makes sense.. im glad i can realize i have all this and that i can appreciate it for what it is because the ability to do that is typically missing from most peoples lives until they lose what they have and its too late.. maybe im talking too much about it but the best way i can describe it is like being aware of your consciousness and your presence, plus the presence of every little thing around you so that you realize you are here, but in a way that isnt overwhelming and more fascinating and wonderful. i like it a lot 
im still here! im still kickin!!! and chances are i will be tomorrow too, and the day after that and so on so forth .. i recognize ill have bad days and days in between but im still alive and right now i think thats enough
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