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13uswntimagines · 3 years

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Always Have a Place (Preath x Teen!Reader)

Request: learning to love part 2 with reader being super attached to Chris and Tobin then someone coments about it and reader starts to feel insecure about it again and Tobin and Chris has to reassure her again

You pulled the blankets tighter around you, padding through the chilly apartment towards the sound of your mama’s voice. The cold Manchester weather wasn’t quite agreeing with you, and paired with the holidays, you had been a bit on edge for the past few days.

You never understood what the big fuss around Christmas was (as you had never been visited by Santa when you were younger), and Christmas Trees kinda freaked you out (Forster father number 3 had sent one through a window on your first Christmas with them). Though Christen and Tobin tried to show you some holiday traditions, you just didn’t understand why making cookies and drinking hot chocolate were supposed to put the world in a more giving mood.

You rounded the corner, glancing to the left where Christen was sitting on the couch, and Right where Tobin was talking at the dining room table. You thought it was strange they never did video calls from the same room, but if it made them happy then who were you to judge.

You sighed, deciding that Christen looked more cuddly, and began shuffling in her direction. She glanced over the top of her laptop at you, opening her arms to invite you in as she took in your tired form.

“Hmm, you’re warm,” You mumbled, wigging into the woman to find your favorite spot. Christen giggled, wrapping her arm around you and pulling you closer, placing a kiss on the crown of your head. The two of you had grown close (almost as close as you and Tobin) in the past few months, and while you and Tobin bonded over art, you had become her cuddle buddy. Plus with the bad feelings the holidays always dredged up, you had been a bit more clingy than usual (not that her or Tobin were complaining) and her calming figure had put you at ease.

“I’m glad baby, just a few more minutes and then we can all go to bed alright?” Christen asked softly, running a comforting hand through your hair.

“You don’t have to rush, I’m comfy now,” You mumbled, allowing your mom’s scent to relax you. Now that she was here to ward off your nightmares, you were finding it difficult to stay awake.

“Awe, is our favorite designer in training tired?” Megan jested from the screen, and you stuck your tongue out at her.

“In training? My design sold out in less than a day,” you grumbled. You had been honored to work with your Ma on the popsicle capsule and were super excited that your work had done well. It was nice to know your art was appreciated, even if it wasn’t the typical portraits you did.

Megan laughed, nodding in concession, glad you had warmed up to her. You were making amazing strides with not only the women that had become your moms but with the team as a whole.

“The time change is a little much for us all I think,” Tobin said, glancing over at the two loves of her life from the kitchen table. God, you had come so far, had grown so comfortable coming to them when you weren’t feeling alright.

“We all know the truth, that kid is just super attached to you, and probably can’t even sleep by herself,” Kling laughed, not noticing how you flinched slightly. You didn’t know Kling as well as you knew Megan or any of the other members of the USWNT and you weren’t quite sure how to take her teasing.

“I can attest that Y/n is pretty cuddly. I don’t know how you detach her to train sometimes,” Pino shrugged and your eyebrows furrowed. Did Pino think you were too clingy too? Did she think you were holding your mom’s back? If they couldn’t train, they couldn’t be the best. They wouldn’t want you anymore if you were hindering them.

You twisted slightly uncomfortable, pulling away from Christen’s comforting embrace.

“I’m gonna go back to bed,” You mumbled, tucking your Batman blanket tighter around you.

“You sure babe?” Christen asked, brushing a strand of hair away from your eyes.

“Hmm,” You hummed, shuffling off to go and cuddle Roary. Hopefully, he could keep your nightmares away (not missing Tobin’s “Nice going, Kling,”).

****

You woke with a start, sitting bolt upright and clutching your blanket tightly to your chest. You gulped down the bile that rose in your throat. You ran your hand across your forehead, pushing the sweaty strands of hair from your clammy skin.

You blinked at the red number of the clock, the little 2 mocking you. It was the 4th time this week. Every part of you longed to go find the comfort your Mom and Mama always offered when you had a nightmare. But you couldn’t bring yourself to disturb them. Kling was right, how the hell were they supposed to play well with you bothering them every time you had a little scary dream. You were 14, not 4.

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose and smoothing your thumb over both of your closed eyes in an effort to chase away the images that plagued your sleep. You were never going to get back to sleep now.

You leaned over and grabbed your trusty drawing pad, before quietly tiptoeing out of the room, and down the hall. You paused as you passed the slightly ajar door to your moms’ room. They never complained about your frequent visits to their bed or pushed you to tell them which ghost from your past had made you end up there.

You shook your head, taking a second to convince yourself that not going to them was going to benefit you in the end. If you stopped bothering them, being so clingy, they wouldn’t get tired of you. They wouldn’t get rid of you.

You continued down the hallway, bypassing the kitchen in favor of turning into the living room. You stared out the bay windows, wishing for a minute that you were back in Portland. That you had the balcony to stand on and collect your racing thoughts, and the cool night air to ground you back in reality. Alas, you were here in the UK instead.

You sighed again, curling up on the little window seat, staring listlessly at the drizzly night sky, and flipping mindlessly through the pages of your sketchbook.

You settled on a blank page, mindlessly tapping your pencil on the paper. Your thoughts wandered, taking in the skyline as though it would tell you what to draw, how to set your mind at ease. The movement of your reflection in the window caught your attention, and suddenly you knew exactly what to draw. How to get your brain to stop obsessing over them leaving you.

****

Tobin sighed as she entered the living room. It was the 5th time this week she had walked into the same sight of you slumped against the living room window, your pencil paused over your coveted sketchbook, which was balanced precariously on your knee.

“She’s out here Chris,” Tobin called quietly down the hallway. How they had gone to waking up with you almost always cuddled between them (or on the foot of their bed) to you virtually pulling away entirely they weren’t sure. It hurt to see the brick wall around your heart rebuilding itself in front of their eyes.

Christen padded up next to her, wrapping her arms around Tobin's waist and resting her head on her shoulder. “Again?” She asked, the sadness evident in her tone. They thought they had gotten over the hurdle of convincing you to come to them for help, plus she was starting to miss her cuddle buddy.

“Hm, we need to get to the bottom of this,” Tobin mumbled, leaning back into her wife. It wasn’t healthy for you to be awake all night, even if you were processing your emotions through art, if for you to be pushing them away. They tried not to push you too hard, tried to let you come to them, but you clearly weren’t. They were going to need to intervene soon.

“I’ll make the coffee, if you want to wake little miss up,” Christen murmured into her neck, placing a soft kiss before heading off towards the kitchen.

You may have been her cuddle buddy, but you always had an easier time opening up to Tobin. Her chill demeanor set you at ease.

Tobin nodded making her way over to you, making a mental note to put an extra blanket on the window seat in case this was going to continue.

She crouched in front of you, carefully maneuvering the dangling sketchbook out of your hand, barely glancing at the still open page as she set it on the coffee table, and placing a gentle hand on your knee.

“Hey kiddo, it’s time to wake up,” she said softly, rubbing your leg to rouse you.

“Hm, what time is it,” You asked, pushing your forehead against the cool glass and blinking sleepily at the woman.

“Just after 8. What time did you come out here?” She questioned softly.

You shrugged, yawning loudly. “Like 1:30. I couldn’t go back to sleep after my dream so I decided to come out here for a bit,” You lazily gestured towards your sketchbook “thought I could work through it and I guess I fell asleep,”

“Why didn’t you wake Me or Mom up, we would have hung out with you until you could get back to sleep,” The woman pressed, cupping your face and running her thumb over your cheek, brushing the dark circles that had grown more prominent under your eyes. You leaned into her touch, allowing it to ease your fears for the moment.

“Didn’t wanna bother you. Your both starting today,” you said.

Tobin squinted at you, her head tilting to the side. You were more important to them than any starting position, they thought you knew that. It was a piece to the puss me that was this change in your behavior, but she couldn’t seem to put her finger on the rest. She couldn’t quite see how it fit.

“You could never be a bother to us babe, we love you and want to help you. And you’re our priority, never worry about soccer when it comes to stuff like this. If one of us has to sit out, it’s no biggie,” She said, looking you in the eye, repeating the words that had become their mantra to you.

You hummed noncommittally, abruptly pulling yourself out of her grasp, looking away from her piercing gaze. That was too close, and you didn’t want her to make a promise you knew she wouldn’t keep. It would hurt less later if you didn’t believe her.

“Is mom making pancakes?”

*****

Christen was worried. Very worried. She hadn’t meant to go snooping, but the sketch on the page of your open notebook had caught her attention, and once she started she couldn’t stop.

It was a striking image. The drawing of the view from their apartment was nice, but what really caught her eye was the reflection of you in the glass. There was something about your expression that tore at her very soul.

You drew what you felt, and if you had this much disparity, then something was very wrong.

“Have you seen this,” She asked her wife breathlessly. Tobin glanced at the page, nodding once. It had been the same sketch 4 days in a row, the only thing that changes were the expression. The eyes growing emptier, the shadows getting bigger. She bit her lip.

“We have to let her come to us, babe. All we can do is try to be there for her,”

And try to be there for you they had. They increased their touches (trying not to feel hurt when you pulled away), Tobin scheduled extra time for the two of you to work on the capsule together. Hell, Christen even started leaving hot chocolate in the window seat for you. But nothing seemed to be working. You were slowly slipping away and neither of them knew why.

Christen sighed, glancing back at the sketch, so beautifully haunting. “I just want her to let me help,”

“She will, you just have to let her sort through whatever it is first,”

*****

Your moms were on their feet mere seconds after your first shriek, racing across the hall and into your room, searching for the threat. They released a breath they didn’t know they were holding when they saw you alone in your bed until another strangled cry left your lips.

“No, I’ll be good, please don’t leave,”

That was all it took for them to jump into action, Tobin flipping on your bedside light, and Christen crawling into bed beside you.

“Hey baby, wake up, it’s just a bad dream,” your mom said, wrapping you up in her arms and rubbing your back to rouse you from sleep.

“Mom?” You asked disoriented, trying to fight the gentle hands keeping you from accidentally hurting yourself.

“Shh, I’m here, you’re ok,” Christen said, pulling you into her lap. You buried your face in her neck, gripping her nightshirt so tightly the cotton was straining in your grasp.

You sobbed into her neck, your tears making the skin sticky. “Don’t leave me please,” You begged, the words garbled by tears and your adamant refusal to pull away from your favorite hiding spot. Christen shushed you, rubbing your back with one hand and cradling your head with the other, sharing a worried glance with Tobin over your head. The other woman stood next to your bed, her hands opening and closing, shifting foot to foot unsure how to help you.

“Never baby. We’re not going anywhere,” Christen soothed, gesturing for Tobin to take your other side. She did, hugging you from behind to let you know that she was there too.

They held you as you cried, whispering sweet nothings over your unintelligible whimpering.

“I’m sorry I’m too clingy. That you can’t practice as much as you used too,”

“No baby, we don’t feel that way at all. We love you, and we want to be here for you,”

“But Kling and Pino-“ You protested, only to be cut off by Tobin solemnly shaking her head. “Were joking, they didn’t mean anything by it. They’re both glad that you are opening up to them,”

You stared at her in disbelief (and Tobin made a mental note to murder her friends for being assholes. They needed to learn that even though you felt comfortable, your fears and insecurities were not something to be picked on, even with the best intentions).

“And so are we. We’re glad and honored that you’ve opened up to us, and let us see your goofy side, and your amazing art,” She added, brushing a wild curl from in front of your eyes.

“Really?”

“Absolutely. We love how cuddly you are- it makes up for the 13 years we didn’t get with you,” Christen said, squeezing you tighter just to prove her point. It had taken you a long time to let them in, and though it was still a work in progress, they were honored you trusted them. That you had let them in further than anyone before.

“Will you stay?” You asked in a small voice, almost afraid of the answer.

“Always,” Your moms answered together. Tobin pulled back the covers, allowing Christen to maneuver the two of you inside before joining you. You sighed, reveling in their safety. Here, wedged between the women, you knew you would always have a place.

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt x reader #preath x reader #preath imagine

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casualneonglitterpainterposts · 3 years

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Profile/ Back story- “Jules” Osteen

So this is my girl Julie “Jules” ,I made her up as this girlfriend/ (s/o) for Mikey too (basically my excuse to come up with a 1978 OC and because he needs someone to love him ). But yeah I finally got round to doing her profile and back story...

Name: Julie (Jules) Augustine Osteen

Age: 20 years

DOB: 4th June

Height: “5’2” (157.6 cm)

Eyes: Golden brown

Hair: Dark chestnut brown

Family/ friends: Kristi Osteen (Mother-deceased after Julie was born), Dave Lovell (Father-deceased during Kristi’s pregnancy due to a severe head injury from his sporting career), Audry Osteen (Grandmother), Paul Osteen (Grandfather), Lawrence Osteen (Uncle), Ailson Russell (best friend) and Toni Wheeler (other best friend).

Occupation: Professional (local) baseball player/ coach

Personality/Traits: Grandiose, generous, open (occasionally), supportive, clever rebellious (only when she wants to be though), helpful, warm, loving, sweet, gentle

Likes: Yoga, baseball, coaching, drawing- portraits and landscapes especially, helping out others, horror/gore movies/stuff, self defense, taekwondo, taking care of her elderly grandparent, teaching the neighbourhood kids how to play baseball, lying in the middle of the grass in the warm sun, raspberry ripple ice cream, the colours Orange, khaki brown and golden yellow, and a certain tall/ yet quiet man known as “The Shape” .

Dislikes: wearing her glasses (she is short sighted in her left eye- though she has contacts she will occasionally have to wear her glasses for reading), rude filthy guys (she’s been whistled at before and sometimes they make comment saying how sexy her curves are (of course though Jules doesn’t like this and she can sometimes feel ashamed about the way she looks), people making fun of her height (again she will feel a little self conscious when they do so), thick headed morons, people disturbing her when she’s busy, embarrassing herself, snobs and being rushed (if you rush her she end up being all clumsy- though her clumsiness is quite adorable).

Back story: Julie is a bright, warm and loving young woman. Jules was born an orphan, her father was a big time baseball star who passed away during Kristi’s pregnancy due to a fatal/severe head injury and her mother Kristi passed away during her birth. Julie was adopted out two days after to her grandparents (Kristi’s mother and father), they loved Julie dearly and made sure to raise her well. Their son Lawrence (Kristi’s older brother) loved Julie dearly too and helped raise her also. Her uncle was a well known local sportsman in Haddonfield, her grandmother Audrey is a painter (artist) and her grandfather Paul was a carpenter, though they had busy lives- They made sure that Jules was given plenty of love, care and attention. By the time she was two Jules was found to be short sighted, so not long after she began to wear glasses (though by the time she was fifteen she’d begun to switch to wearing contact lenses- she felt a little embarrassed about needing to wear glasses and also she didn’t want to be judged by others either) . She was a very active and bubbly young little girl, she especially loved moving about. By the age of eight Jules was very warm, loving and sweet, but very Tomboy- back when she was five her uncle took her out one afternoon down to the park and taught her a bit of baseball, after teaching her- Lawrence saw what a natural she was (just like her father-since he was a professional) and two days after seeing how much she enjoyed it- Jules joined the local junior Haddonfield team and began her early career into baseball.

She would go down to the batting cages with her uncle or whenever she got the chance to to hone her skills to become great or greater than her father was (her grandparents told her stories of her parents). Beside her love and passion for baseball, Julie also got into creative arts- Jules learnt to paint and draw from her grandmother, she’d really good at it and enjoys teaching others just like her grandmother did with her. Throughout school both elementary and highschool- Jules got good grades and was seen as a model student by her teachers, she’s a bright and respected young woman.she made two wonderful life long friends Alison- a tall, slender, olive-skinned and blacker haired girly girl and Toni- slightly taller than her by four inches girl, with her hair in a short do and a strong lover of science.

As she grew into a fine young woman, Jules began to turn the heads of young males. Though Jules is comfortable about her body-she becomes very shy and embarrassed when idiot men whistle and make comments about her curves- she does like it and it makes her feel awful for wearing what she was that day- hence she tries not to show her body off or them to do so. Jules can also be a little self conscious about her height

After graduating high school, Jules went into coaching the local baseball team (the children’s one) every weekend and she was also a professional player for the female’s team too. When Jules isn’t doing her other stuff, she still goes down to her favourite place- the batting cages, she’s there mostly all the time both for fun, practice or when she’s upset and needs to let out that frustration. The girl has a killer swing and certainly knows how to smash some baseballs. She also has a killer throwing arm too. Though she’s a warm, gentle and sweet young woman Julie also has a badass side- she is a master in self defense, taekwondo and pretty damn good at survival techniques too. Jules also secretly loves horror/gore movies and stuff- when she gets all excited about that kinda stuff and people give her strange looks, Jules just rolls her eyes, shrugs her shoulders and just does her ^^

Speaking of horror, One night though as she was coming home from a busy evening down at the batting cages she was grabbed by a small gang of creeps- of course she put up a good fight to defend herself, but alas she was attacked from behind and restrained. Without her know abouts “The Shape” (aka: Michael Myers- who’d been watching and observing her for weeks- starting to have feelings for her) came out of the shadows, slaughtering these men to save her. Jules was surprised of course- a little freaked out when he first came up to her (she’s so small and Mikey is a beast- he’s a tall boi) but also shocked that he didn’t kill her. As she looked deep into his eyes, as he stared down- Julie could see right through him and she knew straight away that he wouldn’t harm her. From that night on she’d hope that they’d encounter one another's presence once again- Jules couldn't help that she’d fallen for him, but in her heart she knew he was right for her. It was only a matter of time...

Overall, Julie “Jules” Osteen is a wonderful, warm, sweet loving and giving woman. She may be small and seem fragile, but don’t be fooled by here mere appearance- That girl knows how to kick ass and protect herself and of course, she’d give her own life to protect the people she loves and cares about.

Anyways, I hope you like her and I’ll post a bunch of doodles and drawings of her soon too 😉😊👍💜💕

#halloween 1978 #julie osteen #jules #my original character #profile page #back story #michael myers #my oc

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thesportssoundoff · 5 years

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The AAF And Why We Should Care About These Teams

Joey

Feb 5th, 2019

Still bummed about the Super Bowl? Well let's get over it real quick! On Saturday, the Alliance of American Football will be the first of THREE (God help us) spring football leagues to take off. THREE. We really needed that many, huh? Doesn't being announced after the XFL, the AAF will launch this spring under the watchful eyes of Dick Ebersol and NFL executive legend Bill Polian and will air across a variety of platforms such as Bleacher Report's online app, the NFL Network, the CBS Sports online app, TNT and CBS itself. Let that be a lesson to those of you who think that sports can't milk every single penny out of today's weird digital/broadcast era. The majority of the pitches for this game feature stuff football fans do seem to want in some capacity although disagreements about HOW to implement them remain. For instance, the AAF is attempting to shave 30 minutes off of the viewing experience by limiting commercials. They're also scrapping pretty much all elements of kicking from the game (two point conversions only, onsides kick have been replaced by a wacky 4th and 10 scenario and there's no kickoffs either) so fans who are obsessive compulsive about kicking get a bit of a break. We've got a college football style "one foot = catch" rule and a reduction of the play clock from the NFL's 40 seconds to a cool 30 seconds. It's an attempt to do somethings differently and I'm at least willing to give it a try.

With just eight teams to choose from for the AAF, I'll just go team by team and list ONE reason why you should care. As much as you wanna just consider it a bunch of has beens and never was' playing out here, there's some intriguing storylines for the AAF. So much so in fact that perhaps you'll find a team so intriguing that you'll follow along this year!

Atlanta Legends

Why: Michael Vick Offensive Coordinator

I wanted to do a larger piece on how the NFL's lack of black head coaches boils down to the NFL's lack of black offensive coordinators (the IN demand spot these days). Instead of writing eight paragraphs about something that could be done in one, let's just look at Michael Vick and his new role as Atlanta Legends offensive coordinator. For starters, the Alliance of American Football being a potential breeding ground for former players to better grasp the coaching game is an A+ decision. We've already seen the offensive coordinator for another team in the Alliance of American Football get the bump up to NFL QB Coach (Jon Kitna went from San Diego Fleet Offensive Coordinator to Dallas Cowboys QB coach) and any opportunity for former players to stay involved in the game is a good one. Michael Vick's name comes with a lot of clout (and plenty of controversy) so right off the jump he's an important get for the AAF. How good he is as an offensive coordinator (be it gameplanning, calling plays or making adjustments on the fly) could determine how quickly he ascends at the position. Vick is a really unique character and a polarizing figure but seeing him in the role of offensive coordinator is going to be a worthwhile experiment. If Vick opens the door for other young out of work players to jump into the coaching game then I for one am all for it. As for the roster, the Atlanta Legends actually have plenty of name value from former Georgia QB Aaron Murray to NC wide receiver Bug Howard to Iowa RB Akrum Wadley to a host of Georgia Bulldogs on defense.

Memphis Express

Why: The "name" QB battle

Let's always be honest about this stuff; your fan interest will only go as far as the QB you have. The Memphis Express may not have GOOD QBs but they have NAME QBs and that's truly what counts. The Memphis Express have Christian Hackenberg and Zach Mettenberger, two "name" QBs who figure to draw in eyeballs if only due to the fact that there's Penn State and LSU involved. Hackenberg was a disaster for two years at Penn State and people excused him for that because the team was bad or the line was bad or the coaching was bad. Turns out Hackenberg was just bad and continued to be bad at the NFL level before getting bounced around by 4-5 different teams. Hackenberg will attempt to resurrect his stock in the AAF, a team that literally named its offensive coordinator in like early January after their original OC bounced. Hackenberg won the job but the back up spot belongs to Zach Mettenberger. I refuse to believe that Hackenberg is a better player than Mettenberger but ALAS! Mettenberger has NFL experience and has thrown actual touchdowns in real football games even if he played like a 6th round pick who was holding onto a roster spot for dear life. He just wasn't that good. Mettenberger and Hackenberg are two guys who share similar traits (big, they throw the ball far) with different reasons (Mettenberger was a problem in college, Hackenberg couldn't really play) that leads to the same development (playing in the AAF to continue their pro football careers). Still a QB BATTEL with name value is STILL a QB BATTEL and here we are. The Memphis Express also have a ton of LSU guys and LSU players don't half ass it so expect a ton of big hits from their defensive which legitimately has an all LSU DL. Also of note, the head coach is Mike Singletary and we can expect plenty of intense coaching gifs and press conference call outs of his own players. That's the finest reality we deserve.

Orlando Apollos

Why: Steve Spurrier is BACK!

Remember the days of Steve Spurrier? Run and Gun? Mr. Click Clack? There ya go. The Ol Ball Coach is back and Spurrier in Florida just feels right. Steve Spurrier's offenses in the mid to late 2000s were some of the funnest things imaginable and I'm curious to see if a few years off to refuel the jets don't bring out the fun in the Run 'N Gun offense. Spurrier's offense is helmed by either Austin Appleby or Garrett Gilbert since apparently nobody knows who the starter is as of this moment. Beyond that, he's also got a trio of name running backs (D'Earnest Johnson from USF was a popular name around draft time plus Akeem Hunt from Purdue and De'Veon Smith from Michigan were interesting dudes) and like twelve WRs who all run really fast. Realistically though I feel like this team is about watching to see if Steve Spurrier turns this gig into another college coaching opportunity soon enough.

Birmingham Iron

Why: TRENT RICHARDSON (and friends)

Unsurprisingly given the whole locales theme, the Birmingham Iron roster is LOADED with dudes from Alabama. The one name who immediately jumps out is Trent Richardson and I'm surprisingly intrigued to see how he looks. It's worth remembering that Trent Richardson had a tremendous rookie season and looked to be on the way to being something before he got big/hurt. Perhaps Richardson will be rejuvenated playing at home in front of what figures to be a primarily loaded Alabama crowd. Also keep an eye on Blake Sims who I figure will win the QB job eventually. In fact keep an eye on every player from Alabama (Auburn, Bama, Troy) because chances are they'll be given ample opportunities to show out at home. They also have the coolest uniforms. Lastly Tim Lewis is a long time defensive coordinator/DB coach getting his first crack at a head coaching gig so I'm curious to see if he can parlay that into another big opportunity down the line.

San Diego Fleet

Why: Mike Martz

Mike Martz is arguably one of the more unfairly judged head coaches in NFL history. He was the coordinator for the Greatest Show On Turf and as head coach of the Rams, Martz had five full seasons---he made the playoffs in 4 of those. Martz' ouster in St. Louis was controversial for a variety of reasons but he WAS successful and deserves to be remembered as such. From that point on Martz never got another head coaching opportunity, bouncing around as a coordinator in Detroit (back to back 4,000 yard seasons for Jon Friggin' Kitna of all things), San Francisco and a disastrous run in Chicago with Jay Cutler. Martz was pretty much cast aside by the NFL at that point and his reputation as a pass happy difficult personality pretty much ensured he would stay out the game. With passing being en vogue (and every QB guru alive being courted for 1,000,000 roles), this might be Mike Martz's last chance to maybe find a place in big time football. The San Diego Fleet roster is relatively bare compared to its contemporaries but Mike Martz almost guarantees to make it as fun as possible given the usual performances of his wacky passing game. Mike Martz making Mike Bercovici look like an NFL level quarterback would probably be his greatest accomplishment ever. Also keep an eye on Nelson Spruce slot WR-ing his way back to the NFL if it's any thing like he was at Colorado.

Arizona Hotshots

Why: Phil Savage and Rick Neuheisel

Phil Savage is in a very weird spot here. Savage had a brief runs as Browns GM and it went about as well as you'd expect it to. He was in, out and done before anybody even knew he was there. Savage re-emerged as a key part of the Senior Bowl process and for the most part, I don't think I ever saw many complaints about Savage's job as the figurehead for the event. Surprisingly at the end of 2018, the Senior Bowl replaced Phil Savage with former scout Jim Nagy. The decision to move on from Savage was not exactly well received at first and it seems like Savage has bounced back well enough with the AAF. Savage should be able to form a damn good roster given that he's probably interacted with and been around most of these players relatively recently as the Senior Bowl's ace executive. Somehow someway Rick Neuheisel has weaseled himself into the picture and into another head coaching job, he of a sparkling 87-59 record in college but a less than sparkling 47-40 from 2000 onward. Plus he's also been pretty much run out of every stop he's had under inauspicious circumstances. Phil Savage should in theory be able to find a competent squad of players (and they have a pretty well known defense with Sterling Moore, Rahim Moore, Will Sutton, Carl Bradford, Scooby Wright and Chunky Clements) and perhaps the time away has rejuvenated Neuheisel. At the very least Trevor Knight will be fun to watch am I right?

Salt Lake Stallions

Why: A Testing Pattern Perhaps?

Utah has one pro sports franchise, the Utah Jazz, which is intreresting when you consider how beloved the Jazz are. It seems like there's a very big supportive fanbase for sports out there in the Pacific Northwest and yet Utah has no football team, no baseball team and no hockey team. PERHAPS this can be a test. The Salt Lake Stallions overall do not have the most appealing roster in this entire deal but they may be the one best situated to draw the biggest audience. Utah is not blessed with a lot of pro sports options and if the Stallions are good then perhaps they can get people into the stadium. They have a weird eclectic mix of former Utes and three former QBs who if memory serves were all in the draft last year. Former Vikings RB and Utah legend Matt Asiata is 31 year and probably cooked BUT he figures to be a popular face for fans.

San Antonio Commanders

Why: An Actually Kinda Decent Deep-ish Team

Really. If you were putting together an all star game in 2017/2018 of pretty decent-ish draft prospects, a lot of these dudes would be here. QB Logan Woodside? Pretty good player! Had some issues but was a super productive small MAC QB type dude. RBs David Cobb and Aaron Green? Kinda intriguing RBs! Tray Williams has been on like 12 NFL teams as a third down back over the past two years even if he never stuck. WRs like Greg Ward, DeMarcus Ayers and Mekale McKay? Some draft buzz there! Some of their OL were late round types who wouldn't have been out of place at an NFL camp this season. The defense has draftnik "names" like Joel Lanning, Keenan Gilchrist, Tyrone Holmes, Austin Larkin, Winston Craig and a secondary featuring Jordan Thomas and Duke Thomas on the back end. It's actually not an awful team assuming you can put the parts together.

#AAF #Football #Sports #san antonio #Orlando #Birmingham #Salt Lake #Utah

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taffysannotatedsonichu · 5 years

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Sonichu 9 Page 31

BILLY MAYS: Hi, Billy Mays here. Now, I was never appointed mayor of CWCville, Virginia; Miss Allison Amber was appointed vice-mayor upon being originally hired, so she has been running CWCville very well during Mr. Chandler’s absence into the different dimension.

BILLY MAYS: Anyway, I am here today to put my “Kaboom” on this good C-Ville, hand-drawn and run well by the red, white, and blue stripe-shirted hero; a true patriotic American.

BILLY MAYS: CWCville has, and always will be, as pure, beautiful, and majestic as the dogwood tree. Yet it shines brighter than, and with, Sonichu and Rosechu’s combined thunderbots, as portrayed every July 4th before the fireworks at CWCville Park. CWCville is as well-respected as Charlottesville, VA; do not dis either city, their pure glo communities, or Christian Weston Chandler himself. It is cool to respect and honor him as your would yourself and your friends and family. Come to CWCville with a good and honest heart, and a warm smile, and we will welcome you warmly. :) I will see you at the next dogwood festival.

Caption: **Dedicated to Mr. Billy Mays II; please come back soon. Charlottesville, VA would be happy to have you and yours attend one of our Dogwood Festivals. I salute you, good sir. Christian Weston Chandler.

Okay, this is a long story. So BlueSpike, whose saga pretty much ran its course between the end of Sonichu 8 and when Chris started work on Sonichu 9, in his Max persona, forced Chris to say that Billy Mays, beloved pitchman and marketing icon famous for selling Oxi Clean detergent and Kaboom stain remover, was mayor of CWCville, or Max would sell his PSN Account. So, in the heat of the moment, and with chunks of medallion up his ass, Chris told Max that Billy Mays was the new mayor of CWCville. CWCki lore states that to celebrate his mayorship, a magnificent party in the streets was held for an entire week, where reeb flowed freely and everyone went home somkey.

But Chris was quick to re-declare himself mayor of CWCville again, but then he ran into a problem with the timeline of his story and real life - in Chris’s head-canon, which unlike the comics he always keeps up to the actual date, he had already escaped from the Time Void and thus Billy Mays’s mayorship was a short lived coup of him, but he had yet to draw his escape in the comics yet and Allison Amber was still the interim mayor. So he had to do a little confusing retconning regarding the true mayor of CWCville. Billy, though a fan of the Chandler regime, was never properly mayor, and throughout the period of November 2007 to August 2008 Allison Amber was the True and Honest Mayor of CWCville.

The Dogwood tree (specifically the “flowering dogwood”, Cornus florida, it’s also what Billy is holding) is both the state tree and the state flower of Virginia (confusingly, it is Missouri’s state tree but not its state flower, which is the hawthorn, and North Carolina’s state flower but not its state tree, which is the pine), and Charlottesville hosts a festival around them yearly and it generally falls during April. Given that this issue was also written in April, I’m guessing Chris had recently attended the 2009 iteration of the festival when he wrote this, so it was on his mind, and he invites Billy Mays to attend a future iteration of the festival. Alas, it was not meant to be, as the 2009 Dogwood Festival would be the last Billy Mays would ever live to see.

Coincidentally in the middle of his “tenure” as mayor of CWCville the real world Billy Mays died unexpectedly of a heart attack on 28 June 2009, and even the trolls who clung to the belief that he was ruling CWCville justly and debaucherously had to let him go. They did, however, paint Mays’s death as an assassination by forces loyal to Christian Chandler, much like the “death” of Clyde Cash about a month prior, ruled a suicide by CWCville coroners, was also thought to have been a hit against him.

Note that Billy Mays is drawn with a Sonichu replacing the Oxi-Clean logo on his shirt, and he has six fingers on his right hand.

Chris’s final paragraph here is essentially a retread of his speech in Sonichu 8, where he equates hurting him to hurting the masses, now instead of equating making fun of him to insulting every person in America, he now equates making fun of CWCville to making fun of Charlottesville and the about 50,000 people who live there. Chris seems to think that the entire city supports him, despite the fact that even before he was found by the internet he was a laughing stock in Charlottesville too.

The most confusing line in this, by far, is Charlottesville and CWCville’s “pure glo communities.” I don’t know about CWCville, but I do know for a fact that Charlottesville does not, in fact, glow in the dark.

#Sonichu 9 #advertisements #Billy Mays

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aceattorney-apollojustice · 3 years

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ooc: I recall that I said I would post down some of my more recent AA thoughts, one of them being what I would like to if Apollo's game had gotten a fifth case ala Rise From the Ashes. I figure since Polly isn't complying, I may as well type it down. Who knows? It could probably make for a good plot/thread.

I figure it'll be easier to list the ideas off, then explain them.

Don't have Phoenix involved in the case, at least until the end

Be a proper bridge to Dual Destinies

Continue the tradition of Apollo having not entirely innocent clients

Have anyone BUT Klavier be the prosecutor

No high stakes, have the case be a good ol' murder mystery

Alright, explanation time, starting with:

Don't have Phoenix involved in the case, at least until the end

It's no secret that Phoenix pretty much stole Apollo's limelight in his own game. That's why, if the game ever did get a 5th case, I wouldn't want Phoenix to be involved or seen in any way, shape, or form until the very end of the case. Don't get me wrong, I like Feenbean, especially Hobo Feenbean, but his time is done for now.

Be a proper bridge to Dual Destinies

Yeah, Dual Destinies did a very poor job of bridging the gap between Hobo Phoenix and new Phoenix, not to mention the fact it gave Apollo some much needed backstory which he could have really used in his own game. The latter half of the problem is easy to fix. Just have Clay call Apollo and give him a pep talk similar to what Phoenix did in 6-2, or have him appear in person saying that he wanted to watch one of his best friend's trials. As for Phoenix, like I said, have him appear at the end of the case, with him saying he's planning on going to Europe for a while after passing the bar. Also, have him apologize to Apollo for his behavior towards him during that year. That alone will show Apollo that Phoenix is starting to get back to his old self and toss aside the jaded hobo he's been for years. Not to mention it'd make seeing him again after returning from Europe in Dual Destinies a lot less jarring.

Obviously patching this problem up is easier if Phoenix is allowed to appear during the case, but I figure giving Apollo some identity in his own game is a better priority.

Continue the tradition of Apollo having not entirely innocent clients

This one is probably the simplest to do and probably the most trivial, but I do love the fact that all of Apollo's clients (pre Dual Destinies anyways) were all guilty of something other than the murder they were accused of. This simple notion is enough to start giving Apollo major trust issues. More on this fascinating analysis can be found in this post here.

Have anyone BUT Klavier be the prosecutor

Yeah, I won't lie, this one is more personal/petty. I simply dislike Klavier and would rather not see him. Plus the guy is still probably dealing with the reelback from his band breaking up, and his brother showing his true colors definitely stirred something up I'm sure.

The only 3 choices I can think of for the prosecution are Edgeworth, Fransizka, and Winston Payne. Haven't played or watched either of the Investigations games, so I can't comment confidently on any prosecutors seen there. The only one who would probably be a really good fit would be Sebastian Debeste.

Edgeworth is a pretty left field option, but damn it these two need to meet. Plus, a courtroom battle between Edgeworth and Apollo would be quite interesting, since Apollo doesn't bluff nearly as much as Phoenix. When he does, it's usually to draw out new evidence. It would be a legit game of debating+logic chess for at least 80% of the trial.

Haven't seen much of Franny prosecute, so I can't really comment, but Apollo does not have Phoenix's ridiculous luck+endurance, so those whips might be deadly...

Payne could actually work if you tie in the "succession theme" from 4-4* in a really ironic way? Like, he decides if he loses this case, he'll file for retirement. The fabled Rookie Killer getting permanently "killed" by a rookie. Phoenix wasn't able to do it, so this is about as close as it's going to get for Apollo unless we can deviate from Dual Destinies entirely. Could also serve as a catalyst for Gaspen to go up against the WAA.

(*The 4th case for Apollo Justice is named "Turnabout Succession", but really, Apollo didn't succeed Phoenix at all. He was just his mouth piece against Gavin. And to add salt to the wound, Phoenix ends up returning as an attorney in Dual Destinies, so yeah, it makes everything moot. I would have definitely loved to use Edgeworth with this themed framework in mind, but it only works properly if Phoenix never returns to law or choose a different law based profession, like a professor at Themis or something.)

No high stakes, have the case be a good ol' murder mystery

Dual Destinies and Spirit of Justice both have fifth cases with stupidly high stakes if you lose, even more so than the trilogy's final cases. As noted in this post here, Apollo Justice as a game inverted so many themes from the trilogy, so it wouldn't hurt to invert this one as well. Obviously this is AA, so we can't have a normal trial, but simply make it more down to earth. And please don't let it drag on like RFtA. Seriously.

+×*+×*+×*+×*+×*+×*+×*+×*+×*+×*+×*

Anyways, those are the main things I'd have wanted to see if AJ ever got a fifth case. Hopefully I didn't bore ya. Some other optional things could include the case utilizing a new puzzle solving method exclusive to whatever device it is released on, or having Apollo alone on the defense's bench (meaning no Trucy or Phoenix to give advice or comment. Him standing on his own for once would definitely help him.)

#ooc #face claim #Mun's ramblings

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heartbreakhotelscience-blog · 6 years

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May 4th 2018

Medications:

Morning medications are 1200 mg fish oil, 60 mg duloxitine, 20 mg omeprazole, 400 mg gabapentin, 1800 IU vit D, 600 mg Ca, and 250 mg Mg. I'm out of methylfolate, but i have been to the pharmacy almost every day this week. I'm not going today.

Night medications are 20 mg omeprazole, 300 mg quitiapine, 20 mg nortryptaline, 750 mg depakote, 7.5 mg mirtazapine, and 20 mg Atorvastatin started taking this earlier in the evening, around 8pm. Half dose of mirtazapine to continue for 7 days based on 24 hour half life, 6 days left at lower dose.

Feelings:

I feel alone today. I'm not really lonely, but more feeling like I've made the choices in my life that make me the person who spends his time alone. I want to be with scroses more than i want to draw breath. Alas, i can't convince her to change her mind. I guess i don't posses the capacity to find the right words. I love her and the words of her native language that mean i love you very much rattle in my brain often.

I feel strange. It's a familiar feeling of being the socially awkward man i am and was even as a boy. This sense of being an outsider is a source of feelings of pride and despair. I'm proud of being creative in intellegent ways and having the compassion to understand any perspective. Yet, I'm ashamed of my actions that prevent me from maintaining relationships with people i love. Lately I've been questioning my love for my parents and brother, again. It's always been an obligatory love and i believe that is mutual. Just as scroses would have been more understanding of a disease outside the mind, i believe my parents would have picked any other disease for me to have than depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia.

I feel i will always be alone. In the times of my life when i have been happy, my abnormal mind inevitably rears it's ugly side and everything is left in ruins. I remember to be humble and hopeful, but the startling regular frequency with which my psycosis occurs makes me question my self worth and anticipate continued discrimination.

I'm sad. I write through tears because my mind is flirting again with the idea that i will never see, speak, or recieve writting from scroses again. I'm also alone, don't want to be, and think I'm the one at fault for that being my present reality. Feeling love for scroses still feels like the last time my heart will be capable of feeling love. When such powerful emotion grips me and cuts deep the balancing pain, my old friend death taps my shoulder and asks, why do you hide my friend, i and only i will be with you in the end.

Thoughts:

I think my consistently negative interpretation of being diagnosed with schizophrenia, depression, and bipolar type 1 make it extreamly difficult for me to see a happy future for myself. I've always done pretty well at setting goals for myself and meeting small marks towards them, but this ability does not necessarily mean that the things i want will make for a happier life. I want to be a doctor, but it's a dream i shared with scroses. The only thing i know for certian is that i would be happier with her in my life. I find myself remembering a friend who posed one of the better questions that anyone has ever asked; why do i want the things i do?

Sleep:

Had plenty of time to get up and exercise this morning, but i just didn't do it.

Work:

Wondering why some of my coworkers were looking to me for direction today. Seriously, i know my way around this job, but I've only been here 4 weeks. Positive feedback from supervisors.

Schedule:

7 days until a day off Had plans to go to a meetup, but decided not to go.

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theuniversitychallengereview · 5 years

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UC 48.24 - Warwick vs Bristol

When they’re making the draws for the Group Stages of major football tournaments, they don’t just randomly pull balls out of bowls (let me finish, this isn’t some kind of half-baked conspiracy theory), there are rules to the randomness. You aren’t allowed to have too many clubs from the same country in the same group for instance, so if a Spanish team is drawn out first for one group then they choose the next ball from a new bowl that doesn’t have any more Spanish teams in it (I’m not sure if thats exactly how they do it, but the mechanics will be the same).

I don’t know how they do the draws for the first round of University Challenge, but there always seems to be similar numbers of the three match types - Oxbridge derby, non-Oxbridge and non-Oxbridge-Oxbridge. There’s never been a first round comprising entirely of the first two types (if I was prepared to spend more than ten minutes on Wikipedia I could have got you some gnarly stats and maybe even some charts, but alas). However, the second round draw appears to be based on the order in which the first round matches were played, which meant that this year it saw 3 Oxbridge derbies. The two other Oxbridge sides were bested by Manchester and Durham, meaning that (going into the final second round meeting between Bristol and Warwick) for the first time since 2014 (and this has been an extremely long-winded way of saying so) there would only be three Oxbridge teams in the Quarter-Finals.

That year Trinity, Cambridge won, so the victor of BristolWarwick would join Edinburgh, Manchester, Durham and Glasgow in trying to wrestle away the stranglehold the big two have held on the trophy since 2013, when Manchester’s own reign of dominance had ended (note that this also coincides with Sir Alex Ferguson’s Manchester United retirement and make of it what you will).

Anyway, let’s not bother with the rules, here’s your first starter for ten (if you read last week’s blog you may have spotted that I used this then too. I’m trying to see if it works as a cheat-segue, so I don’t have to try and seamlessly link the main body with my rambling intros).

The first starter of the night went to Warwick’s substitute Painter, showing no signs of nerves at being thrown into the deep end, although she does look down at her buzzer to make sure she knows where it is as she presses it. They don’t fare too well on the 2017 Man Booker prize nominees, and neither do I. I feel like I should know more about contemporary literature, but there’s just too much of it to keep a handle on.

Bristol’s Iredale buzzes somewhere in the Loveday Zone on the next starter, but gets it wrong (a distinctly non-Loveday move) and Gower sweeps up for Warwick, who know more about scientific prefixes, taking the hat-trick to move 45 points clear.

The first picture round goes to Bristol, who chance their luck with an opportunistic guess of King George for one of the bonuses. The question had been on cities named after people, which should have obviously ruled out George VI, because all the cities* had been named by the time he acceded to the throne (*probably not all the cities), so they would have got it had they split the other five down the middle (rule one when making guesswork regarding the monarchy) and gone with Farmer George III (but they did not). Paxman cracked out one of his trademark moves - humour by facetiousness - by asking for the forename of the Darwin after whom Darwin, Australia was named.

Warwick captain Beardsley buzzes faster than Clint Eastwood on the Morricone score for The Hateful Eight (I say Eastwood because I wrote this sentence thinking the music was from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, but it wasnt. I could change it to Samuel L Jackson or Kurt Russell to make it more relevant, but they’re less known for playing fast-drawing cowboys, so the reference maybe wouldn’t have made as much sense...), and they show some quizzing nous on the bonuses by just guessing John Williams for anything they don’t know, and then correctly giving John Williams when the time was right as well.

At this point the match was being tightly contested. Warwick lead 75-70, and it stayed this way, with the lead see-sawing back and forth, until the scores reached 130-120, with the advantage still Warwick’s. At that point a lead weight was added to their side of the see-saw, rendering them sluggish and confused (who had put the lead weight there? They were baffled), and leaving Bristol sitting pretty up high, able to rake in all the points (which in the world of this metaphor are more easily accessible from an elevated position).

Final Score: Warwick 125 - 190 Bristol

Well done to Bristol, who were better when it really mattered, on making it to the quarter-finals for the 4th time in 5 years. Its at that stage that they tend to slip up though, having never made it through to the last 4. The QFs start tonight, with Glasgow taking on Durham in what could be an incredible (if the Glasgow side who beat Emmanuel in a thrilling first round encounter show up) or drab (if its the version of Glasgow who disappeared and were almost knocked out by Goldsmith’s in the second half of their second round match) affair.

#university challenge #bbc2 #warwick #bristol #jeremy paxman

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samanthaannmarie · 6 years

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I would like to give you a heads up before you begin to read this. It will be fairly long for my first post and i expect it will run off on tangents as i plan to write in train of thought. Also please bear with the second person style. As much as this is a public address I am also writing this to you the one reading it. i hope you stay with me till the end. or should i say my beginning.

Lets start with this with my name; my given name. My name is Joshua. I am in all seriousness strongly considering transitioning form male to female. The purpose of this blog is to help me work through these thoughts and feelings and to hopefully help me arrive at the right choice for myself. I hope it will also stand as a record as to the path I've taken in the hopes of helping others who might walk it with me.

I plan to give you a fair amount of my history so as to give you an idea of where I come from and where I think I'm going. So let me start with before I was born.

I am my mothers oldest child; i was born in September of 1989. the irony of the path I'm on is that I was supposed to be a girl. the doctors told my mom that she was having a girl and she chose the name Samantha Ann-Marie for me, hence the user name. My birth was not a simple one though. i was removed via Caesarian section because the umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck. One might say I've been into rope play since before i was born. (buh dum duh tchsss) That was the easiest part of my first few years though.. I was born with an inguinal hernia that took several operations to repair and an undescended testicle which was tacked in place. The problems these have caused have tortured me my entire life. the greatest of which is that because of the pain the caused me I was sitting up as a newborn because it was the least painful position for me. this caused the over development of the tendons in my back and legs which cause me immeasurable pain to this day. I tell you all this not to elicit pity but to help you understand where i come from and how these events have shaped my choices. You do not know a man until you have walked a day in his shoes and i hope to one day walk a day in heels.

The next big think that happened to me as a child was I almost died again. I was almost two and my mom had me on a greyhound bus and a dog licked me in the eye and i went into anaphylactic shock; that was my second Christmas in the hospital. (that trend continues to this day as every December i go to the hospital for an asthma attack) so that is where my asthma and allergies start. the severity of which limited my childhood to a fifteen minute radius of a hospital. I also haven't been able to have a pet cat odog either since that incident. The biggest problem with how severe my asthma and allergies are is the medication i require to function on a daily basis. The steroid use has caused the most common side effects over a long period of use such as weight gain and mild breast growth along with stunted growth in other areas.

So at this point your probably getting tired of my medical history. especial since the reason you reading this is the MTF or HRT tag, so lets get into the first time i can remember questioning my gender role, a story of masturbation, role play, bdsm, and locked doors.

The first time i masturbated was when i was seven years old. The story of how I found out what masturbation was and how to do it is probably not typical. So i was at my best friends house and his older brother (13 at the time) was showing us the dirty side of the AOL chat rooms. The three of us ended up role playing with a woman in a bdsm situation. she was tied up being spanked while we fingered her pussy and she asked if we were getting off to her being tied up. this prompted us to ask our shining role model what getting off was. He explained how maturation worked by moving your hand up and down your penis until you came using soap as a lubricant. me being the impressionable and eager kid i was decided tor try it in the bathroom later that day under the guise of doing a number two. Now some of you might of tried you use soap at one point and you know that it is not the best idea. for those of you who haven't, i would strongly discourage the practice. So here i was masturbating for the first time in secret at my best friends house painfully using bar soap as a lube; and though the pain my stoburness won out and i had my first organs at seven. But here's the thing, my mind kept going back to that girl who was tied up. I wanted to know what it was like to be her, what a finger in my pussy was like, what having my breast fondled would feel like.

Those feelings grew stronger the longer I dwelled on them. it makes me think of when i was older and i had one of those little black and white tv/am/fm radio combos you could get for like thirty bucks.. i had it plugged in at the foot of my bed and would listen to barbie girl by Aqua over and over again quietly at night when everyone was asleep. Its still on of my favorite songs to this day. Do you remember those Avon books they used to leave with the paper or in your mail box? I do; in particular I remember looking through them and thinking about how pretty i could be if i could wear makeup like the girls who molded in them. the big thin was how they always had that add about how you could join the Avon team an be an independent woman. I remember asking my mom if i could work part time for them selling makeup after school. since i grew up in the suburbs i thought it would be the perfect job. for me because i could ride my bike to make deliveries. i also thought that if i could get the samples the girl i was friend with up the road could teach me how to do makeup and many even help me dress up. i also remember there was no dividing line yet and all those thoughts were what everyone thought about. Alas the innocence of you the is scratched away as people start drawing lines in the sand. the first line was when my little brother got in trouble for wearing our younger sisters makeup. Boys don't wear makeup is what has been stuck in my head since then.

You may of noticed that I don't mention my dad much. Well let me give you the low down on that. My biological father bailed before i was born. i tracked him down when i was twelve and tried to have a relationship with him especially after i found out i had another brother and sister but he has kept his distance and ignored me for the most part. my mom married when i was about one to my stepdad. then my brother an sister came along and he failed as a human being. in his mind i was his so, my brother was not his son and he never wanted a daughter. i think three kids got to him because he tried killing himself by sliding his wrists in the tub. all i can remember from that that incident was standing outside the apartment complex while my mom handled things. when i was about eight things finally hit the boiling point. His drug an alcohol problems had gotten bad and him and mom would fight all the time. One night i was woken up to them fighting and i walked out and told him to leave and he did. he blamed him leaving on me but mom assured me even though i said what i did it was her decision to kick him out. the usual divorce and custody battle followed and it all came to an end one night when my siblings and i were over for visitation. He made this god awful frozen pizza that tasted of nothing but oregano. my brother being the picky eater he is, refused to eat it and my dad grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and picked him up off the ground and shook him. after he lost custody he ran off to Maine to avoid child support. that will be all i will say on that subject.

Around this time in my life i was told that i needed to step up and be the man of the house. I also had a nervous break down and stopped smiling.

I was always a smart kid and my mom tried to make things better for me by sending me to a private school in 4th grade. It was the worst decision she had ever made in my childhood. I was horrendously bullied that year, so much so that i fell into shirt and picked him up off the ground and shook him. after he lost custody he ran off to Maine to avoid child support. that will be all i will say on that subject.

Around this time in my life i was told that i needed to step up and be the man of the house. I also had a nervous break down and stopped smiling.

I was always a smart kid and my mom tried to make things better for me by sending me to a private school in 4th grade. It was the worst decision she had ever made in my childhood. I was horrendously bullied that year, so much so that i fell into i practice to this day, to look into ones self. She also got me a scholarship to a marine biology summer camp where i got to go collect specimens from the Indian river an mosquito lagoon, recored their date and submit to wildlife management to help keep track of populations. the best summer of my life so far.

Around this time another line was drawn by my peers. when talking about women and sex with some other guys i broached the topic of wondering what the girl feels like during sex and what it would feel like to be the girl. The proposal was unanimously rejected and the topic shelved for i did not want to be rejected as i was just starting to come back out of my shell.

Ah middle school the time when you start to figure out what your going to be when you grow up and start to plan for high school. the years i gave up. My algebra background allowed me to win the weekly math competition the school held almost every week; so my math teacher recommend me for a trial program in statistics in 8th grade. Back tracking to 6th grade i started taking graphic design and stuck with it through middle school. i also took home economics in order to get better at cooking and sewing and i though no on would bug me for doing girly things because it was looked at as an easy class. But back to 8th grade, the year i lost hope in the school system. it started with the elective wheel and pairing dance and graphic design. i took graphic design and for the second half of the year i had to take dance, i freaked out when i got put in dance. don't get me wrong i wanted to take it. heck i could even do a split, straddle, pirouette, and anything else they asked of me. but the thing that had me freak out was that for the final i had to the cancan in front of the whole school wearing spanks. i could not have any one seeing that feminine side of me. men did not do girly things and i had to be a mans man. so i went to the principal about the final being cruel and unusual and got put back in graphic design. the biggest thing that killed my hopes of the future was i broke my foot. yeah i know, not that big of a deal, but the events around it were. i had to be out of P.E. while i was in a cast, which let me sitting in the library reading for that period. The problem was i had an interview for the advanced placement program in high school. during the time i was recouping. the interviewer was there all week right next to me anand on Friday when he was packing up to leave i asked him about why he never called me for my interview and he said he had sent a not to my P.E. class to call for me twice. I explained to him the situation and asked to do the interview and he looked at my paper and told me i was absent to much to be accepted. i then replied that even though i miss half the year due to illness my grades and test score are better than most. he said i would not be a good fit and walked away. I gave up on school then and there.

from middle school through high school i tried being a mans man and hid my feeling and thought from others all the while retreating back into my shell. I dropped out my senior year to get a job to help the family because the rescission caused us to loose our house.

When i was nineteen i went to job corps to get a trade and do something with myself. i had gone there for mechanics but during orientation i was convinced by my peers to do deck hand. this was a hellish choice; for two months while we learned about how to work on a barge we had to walk a mile a day with a 15o lb coil of steel cable over our shoulder and learn to throw and maneuver 2inch lock line over 40 and 50 feet distances. after all that we interned on a barge and this is where something was dug back out; something i had buried deep. the irony is it was dug out in a macho job. one night. i walked in on my lead man sitting in the pilot house looking at porn on the ships computer. He was looking at shemale porn and called me over to show me something. what he showed me didn't matter but the trans girl made something click in my head. i could be that girl that i had dreamed of being since i was a kid. i could be a girl in every way except a piece of flesh dangling between my legs. (i did not know of HRT, SRS, or FFS yet) This small thing brought back something in me that i had forgotten about for a long time. My taste in poor started to change from lesbian and anal, to shemale and trans lesbian with that always present bondage kink.

i continued my education at job corps and was certified as a welder. and used that to get a job in a machine shop that would allow me to live on my own. the thought i had did not come back in a rush but gradually and gained strength as time went on.

A major turning point for me was when i got laid off. i made a snap decision to go to truck driving school because it was the fastest way to get back to work. but the nature of driving a truck played to my benefit in a way. i was isolated for a long period of time and alone with my thoughts. this allowed me to analyze themselves thoughts and feelings. it also gave me the capitulation to buy makeup and cloths and toys to experiment. let me tell you as uncomfortable as a pair of 4in heels can be there is something that just felt right about them to me, the same goes for girl cloths and makeup. I went through a few purge cycles while driving a truck. i took about six months off and then went back to driving. this is where another impotent event happened; i met a trans truck driver who worked for my company. she inspired me a lot because she was still early in her transition yet she was out and about in public and showed no hesitation in doing so. we talked for a while while we waited for our loads to be ready, not about her being trans but about regular things. it showed me that you can be trans and be normal your not just a sex object or a freak or oddity.

Then my mom almost died.... she went into heart failure in 2015 and luckily for us in 2016 they found the cause and fixed it in early 2017. she wont get better but she wont get worse just yet either. so i got out of the truck and purged all of the girly things i bought to come spend time with her not knowing if i had a few weeks or a few years left.

So before i got out of the truck i had started to go about transition the "proper way" i went to a therapist to start therapy in order to get on HRT through proper channels. but after i had to quit driving i lost my insurance and put all that on hold while taking care of mom. so everything got put on hold till she had heart surgery at the beginning of this year. after she started feeling better i went back to driving in July of 2017 with the express purpose of financing my transition. but like all laid plans something happened. this time it was bureaucracy that threw up a road block for me and i had to stop driving abruptly in September. so now i have a job doing construction while i try and save up to get back on the track i want to be on.

You probably want to know why i think I'm trans? well the truth is I don't know for sure. what i do know is that since i started planing to transition i have started taking better care of myself. i went from bathing once a week to daily; i have lost 18 inches off my waist this year. and every time i think of people treating me like a girl i feel happy. a while ago i got super excited because a clerk at a gas station mistook me for a girl even know i had a three day stumble and am a six foot tall guy with the build of a line backer. I hope that in writing this that i will get feed back, questions, advice, tips, and anything else that will help me make the best choice for myself. i just want to wake up happy with my self every once in a while, or many like the way i look enough to take a picture of myself more than once ever seven or so years.

so my plans as of now are to save enough money to finance my transition specifically HRT and the required blood test for the next two to three years.

i want to go back to school during that time so i can have my legal name change done before i graduate to help make transitioning back into the workforce easier.

a bonus goal is to document my transition in detail.. daily pictures to create a more complete time line, and a food journal and exercise journal.

so if you made it this far thank you and i hope to hear from you. i hope that what ever journey your on that led you to read this post or my blog is a fulfilling one that leads you to your happy place.

with love,

Sammy

#trans #MTF #HRT #transgender #transitioning #girlslikeus #Sammy Ann

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thehairypickle-plusone-blog · 7 years

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New year, not a new me & relapsing

New year, not a new me. I didn't make really any New Years resolutions probably because I thought fuck it let's just get through today and shaving my legs. What did happen to start off Ollie and my new year was moving into our new wee pad on the 2nd. We are so fortunate for friends and caring people that we managed to score this beautiful place, separated from the house above the garage with salty sea breezes from the beach only a few streets away. Our belongings from Melbourne arrive either tomorrow or Friday (today being the 4th). And I'm actually beyond excited for Ollie to finally be back in his own cot, no porta cot, no hospital bassinet or cot but his own wee bed. I'm yet to figure out how everything will and most likely not fit in this little space. However that's what besties with garages are for right? 😉 And his change table hallelujah! I know so many Mums are like you don't need a change table, you'll change them anywhere but the change table half the time. But I'm a storage savvy OCD organised QUEEN and that change table holds pretty much everything Ollies noggin to teeny toes need. Plus it's much easier to clean up baby crap at waist height then hunched over. Asides all that excitement a lot has been going on since the Christmas/ New Years every help facility is closed for business period. I have been in touch with numerous services, from my doctor, child first VIC for a QLD referral. As my doctor stated QLD is apparently shit when it comes to PND mental health care especially on the Sunshine Coast. I like my doctor she's pretty rad and tells it like it is. I've finally managed to link into some services as I feel myself sliding backwards once again. It's like the past month being in QLD has been a total blurry mixture of emotions. I've gained and lost confidence in my parenting with Ollie. I've isolated myself from my family out of cowardliness and embarrassment as I've slipped so far backwards now that I've openly admitted today on the phone to family child connect who deal with act for kids in preventing child abuse and neglect and work on what services are best suited for your current status. That I have begun drinking again as well as taking my 3 Valium and Prozac a day just to try numb myself out and not feel. I'm well aware I have a history of alcohol abuse, and it's one of my biggest band aids. I don't drink to get all 50 shades of fucked up or want to go out and party or go to the pub. I avoid spirits and wine as I know how unpredictable I can be on them (other than blissful Canadian club cans). I just drink to calm the chaos and noise. I'm not sitting around at home in the day time drinking. But I'm taking a Valium and sitting back in my nightie having a few beers whilst Ollie sleeps. What I am afraid of is this becoming a habit an addiction, and it's pointless taking Prozac when alcohol is a depressant in itself. Not to mention the risk I put Ollie in being a solo Mumma doing this. I promised I wouldn't drink again when Ollie was born no matter what that I wouldn't go down that path. That I wouldn't be so selfish. But alas I've relapsed. Only I've relapsed and realised early on that this isn't ok. Not going to lie though after a shit day a beer and Valium go down a treat in taking the anxious, wound up, pissed off wreck out of me. I'll be having a social worker come out to see me in the coming week. I also have been referred to the adult acute mental health care team at the Nambour hospital. I want to prevent. I mean I can handle going out and having 1 drink at dinner with friends, but I can also sink 10 beers still function and fall asleep like a giant happy walrus. Pre Ollie I would virtually polish off a carton of beer on my binge nights. I'm scared I'll lose Ollie though if I go back down that path and I don't want to be that Mother, that one that's teachers call you in to speak to them saying how your child is saying Mummy has a bottle of Medicine every night and draws a bottle of sauv Blanc. I don't want the department of child services to remove Ollie from my care. So I'm going to get through this hurdle. I know a beer every now and then isn't the end of the world but my relationship with alcohol can be a wicked one at times. My child deserves better. I deserve to treat myself better. Eating once a day and drinking is not a way to self care. I don't want to undo all that awesome work that I had in the mother baby unit but, fuck seriously fuck things are tough. Tougher than I could've ever imagined. And my beer and Canadian club are sometimes just this sweet elixir of numbness. People can judge, feel anger, disappointment, frustration as I admit all this but again, my blog is an honest open book about my journey. And this right now is where I'm at. Making poor choices, loving my wee boy unconditionally but still having moments of wanting to just put him in his cot and walk away. I can't rely on the help to change me I have to be the one to want to change too, and I'm ready. Because the days will only get harder and I'll become more and more reliant on Valium and booze to get me through but it doesn't have to be that way. Prevention. I've slipped but as I currently soberly write this and straighten up my crown I will fight this. I will stop and breathe. I may not kiss goodbye to the Valium candy shop for awhile yet but the beers will need to be reigned in on. Sobriety was so good for me. Yet now I seem to forget that as I tackle at this shit called life. One day at a time. No big goals, just little steps, and a whole lot of love for my son and repairing that self care and straightening up the crown. Because this behaviour will only cause destruction beyond Ollie and I and burn bridges that don't need to be burnt. Breath and let go.

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racingtoaredlight · 7 years

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Opening Bell - May 9th, 2017

After shortchanging you all yesterday with OB goodness how’s about a treat of links. Let’s see what the Reddit News Machine has to offer. In keeping with my blogging sloth however I will not read any of these and simply guess as to what’s inside.

EPA removes half of scientific board, seeking industry-aligned replacements (theguardian.com). This is just like when Reagan made Pablo Escobar head of the DEA since that type of inside info is crucial in knowing how to fix the problems faced by drug enforcement.

The FBI Paid $900,000 to Unlock the San Bernardino Terrorist's iPhone (cnbc.com). I’m curious to read this story but I made a commitment up top and have shows backed up on the DVR to get to so let’s just move on.

Irish beach washed away 33 years ago reappears overnight after freak tide (theguardian.com). In an effort to draw in stray May the 4th clicks we go to Anakin Skywalker for his thoughts.

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Suspect Arrested in Las Vegas Sucker Punch Incident that Killed Father of Five (losangeles.cbslocal.com). Jesus.

United Airlines flies woman 4,800km in wrong direction (news.com.au). Our commenters now hate this woman and believe that once you pay for a flight the airline has the right to take you wherever they want.

Pizza Delivery Driver Shoots, Kills Teenage Would-be Robber: Police (nbcdfw.com). Probably could have just parted with some breadsticks and spared the bloodshed, but alas.

Belgium just banned kosher and halal slaughter in its biggest territory (independent.co.uk). I’m sure they have a good reason.

Mississippi African Americans besieged by illegal searches, ACLU lawsuit says (theguardian.com). I’m sure they don’t have a good reason (those doing the searching that is, not the ACLU).

ISIS Has Infiltrated a Refugee Camp Where 80K People Are Trapped (nbcnews.com). This looks like a job for those Iraqi pigs we covered last week.

District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis has been ordered to return more than $100,000 seized from a medical marijuana businessman and his family, 15 months after drug agents raided the company and didn’t charge anyone with a crime.(sandiegouniontribune.com). tl;dr.

Sushi restaurant asks diners for sarcastic 1-star reviews in protest of "Yelp optimization shakedown" (pjstar.com). I feel this was the job I was born for, being a shit on the internet is something I do really well.

Bouncy castle explodes in Spain, killing girl, 6, and injuring six other children (news.sky.com).

Sex assaults in high school sports minimized as 'hazing' (apnews.com). Spencer, your assignment for the 10:00 post is to do a teabag parody of Take Me Out to the Ballgame (you don’t even have to change the title other than make it Ballsgame).

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#opening bell #two for tuesday #what #take on me #aha #star wars #may the 4th #sand #the americans #kosher #take me out to the ballsgame #the more hashtags i create the more involved this post appears #JuanUribeHOF

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computersystemsdesign · 7 years

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Why are Security Certifications Appealing to Network Engineers?

For a long time there has been a bit of isolation between the one called a Network Engineer and the “Security Guy.” The Security guy is nice to have around because when all else fails, you can blame the firewall. That’s right, the network is fine but you have to talk to the security guy. The security guy won’t tell you much. Why? Because in security you’re on a need to know basis, and you don’t need to know.

Alas the point of this blog post is not to discuss the network and security silos and the way we point fingers at different departments. This is in part because there’s a shift thats been happening for some time now. Network Engineers have been turning Security Engineer. I think there are a few reasons for this shift. Let me explain.

Networking People Might Be Worried About Their Jobs

For the past several years the fundamentals of networking as a career have shifted. In times past the network Engineer role dealt with cabling up equipment, connecting cables, drawing complex diagrams of the network, configuring various features and protocols via the command line, and testing and monitoring the network. With the advent of Software Defined Networking (SDN) and Network Function Virtualization, these things are quickly disappearing. There’s not much to physically connect now (At least not as much as before), and the network is building itself dynamically through the use of software tools, controllers, and so on.

Security Has Some Exciting Aspects that Challenge Network Engineers

It’s true that security elements like a firewall and an IPS can be setup using a controller and that there’s a lot that software can do. However there’s an aspect of forensics that adds an exciting aspect to network security that may be appealing to network engineers. As network automation takes more of a hold network engineers are taking up coding and using languages like Python and such. Learning these languages actually helps in the transition to security.Decoding the activity of a would-be attacker and figuring out what their script does and how to put a stop to it is a mind exercise that’s appealing to network engineers.

Security Certifications Look Good on a Resume

Another fact that lends itself to the appeal is the fact that employers are looking for Cyber Security Professionals and there’s money in that work. Forbes said that there were 1 million cyber security jobs available in 2016. Information week says that Intrusion Detection, Secure Software Development, Risk Mitigation, Cloud Security, Network Monitoring and Access Management, Security Analysis, and Data Security Skills are all in high demand. Putting these Certifications on a resume increases your change at landing a high paying job in the space.

So How Do I Keep Up

True its hard to keep up these days. In this series of articles I’ll tackle some areas that I think are helpful in breaking into the Cyber Security space as a network engineer. In the next article Ill look at the mound of Security Certifications that are available and discuss which ones are of most value. After that we will dive into the world of Security in the social space. Believe it or not, there’s a large segment of security professionals that don’t engage in social communities like twitter and Facebook. We’ll talk about why and see highlight some of the more vocal security folks out there. Then in our 4th post Ill cover Cisco’s Annual Security report and why you should care to read it. And finally we’ll wrap up the segment by discussing the transition into a security role and where to go from there.

I look forward to the comments and perhaps even questions that I can address in these future articles. Until then, happy labbing!

The post Why are Security Certifications Appealing to Network Engineers? appeared first on Computer Systems Design.

from Computer Systems Design http://ift.tt/2lM2rts

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computersystemsdesign · 7 years

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Why are Security Certifications Appealing to Network Engineers?

Networking People Might Be Worried About Their Jobs

Security Has Some Exciting Aspects that Challenge Network Engineers

Security Certifications Look Good on a Resume

So How Do I Keep Up

I look forward to the comments and perhaps even questions that I can address in these future articles. Until then, happy labbing!

The post Why are Security Certifications Appealing to Network Engineers? appeared first on Computer Systems Design.

from Computer Systems Design http://ift.tt/2lM2rts

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