#i was addressing a lot better! like i forget how much emotions drive other people too bc i'm so stuck in mine all the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

notlycheesden · 3 years

Text

Rearview Mirror

Heyyo ✌🏻 this is my first written piece for Endeavor , as a gift for my friend @kogo for the evil exchange. so I hope you like it my dude 👍🏻. A piece I will def be coming back to write more for sure.

⤍ Endeavour x reader

⤍ 3.6k

⤍ TW.incest, TW.dubcon, TW.father/daughter

⤍ Summary:

Enji was trying to be a better father, a better man.

And you never lied to him.

Guess it was a time for a lot of firsts.

Everything was always red between the both of you.

It's past four when his phone rings.

He was awake. even on his day off -those becoming more frequent now- years of routine were still strong. His body alert and aware way before the break of dawn for hours of training before patrol, and later to go to his own agency, the literal empire that wouldn't run itself.

He was pretending to be asleep, unmovable laying on his stomach, face buried on his pillow. Deep breaths in and out in a rhythmic pattern. His massive frame takes most of his king-size bed that for more than a decade he slept right in the middle, no reason to let the right side of it unoccupied.

It was almost meditation-like. There in the quiet and calm of his bedroom between his sheets, he could organize -or at least try- his thoughts. A time in his day where he gets lost in self-reflection. The things he would have to do that day, what work in his agency he would have to supervise, and even stubbornly he would do a little steaming out, analyzing his “actions and emotions”, passing commentary from the resident agency therapist threw his way.

“A strict but good man, if not for some, mishaps, from your intense and fiery nature.” was his professional opinion about Endeavor. The man really lived to throw things his way.

It used to help calm his turbulent mind. But lately there was nothing in his head but turmoil.

It was something he would do until 6 AM, when he couldn't take any longer and had to get up, body and muscles aching from staying in bed for too long, the sun already rising on the horizon, painting the sky with yellows, pinks, and reds.

The silence of his room is broken by the ring of his phone. Instead of the familiar tone of the morning alarm, it was his normal ringtone. When he opens his eyes, the room was not bright as he expects, still shrouded by darkness. Endeavor sits on his bed at once, alert.

Getting it from the bedside table quickly, his posture falls when he catches the time and the already saved contact of who was calling him: Natsuo.

Enji picks up, but before he could question the call, the time, or even say hello, Natsuo speaks, voice grave and serious.

“You need to pick up your daughter right now.”

It’s a punch to the gut. One that makes all the air from his lungs escape at once. In a second, he feels like he is thrown into a rollercoaster.

The only thing he can muster in his shock is a guttural and deep bark of incredulity “What?”

Natsuo cuts Enji off immediately. His tone triggering him into snapping, memories hushing in -not the time for this- “She just called. She was a crying mess, begged me to come for her but I live two hours away-Shouto is on patrol and not picking up and Fuyumi is with her fiance's family at the onsen-”

Enji inhales sharply. Dread takes hold of him while he can't even see straight with the sudden rush of adrenaline, sirens blasting off in his head.

“She was supposed to be with fuyumi at the onsen.” His voice echoes back at him in his bedroom walls, he doesn't realize he is shouting.

“Look, this is really not the time. She has no money and her phone’s dead. I was able to get her to tell me an address before the call dropped. she's all alone there. Are you gonna pick her up?”

Natsuo calms his own breaths now after snapping and shouting back, and he can hear shuffling noises on his father’s side of the line. The older man was up in a second, not really seeing anything, rushing through his stuff picking his keys and wallet. He hates the way his father could make him snap so easily.

Enji was completely distraught.“She said she was going to be with fuyumi…” He mutters under his breath while running through the corridors, even forgetting the phone by his ear, his son still on the line.

But Natsuo hates even more the blatant difference in the way his father treated all of them and you in comparison. Always. Like he could fix his mistakes. Hide his sins.

“Well. Think your little princess lied to you old man.”

Enji didn't even register the venom in his son's words, nor when he hangs up on him.

He’s out of the house in a blink. He tries not to rip the door out of its hinges on his way out.

——

He drives fast, almost no other car in the streets making it easier to speed up in his nervous state. The GPS voice droning about the directions, a forty-minute drive that he would make in twenty.

you said you were going to spend the weekend with your sister.

You lied to him.

Enji’s heart hammers in his chest and his flames burst multiple times on his face out of control. His grip on the wheel tightens to ground his shaking hands, his jaw set with such force that he could feel a headache already forming.

Thoughts were flying through his mind a mile a second. Where are you? What happened to you? Who were you with? Were you safe? Why were you crying?

Why did you lie to him?

It was like his heart was being squeezed by dread and being broken at the same time.

You were his youngest. After he realized what he did to his children as a father, he tried his best to do better; connect, communicate, but he was emotionally and socially stunted -Thanks doc.- and by the time he tried to reach out, it was just a little too late.

Fuyumi was the pillar of the household, replacing their mother too much young and having to fit in a mould not meant to be hers, barely holding the treads of the family and house together. Natsuo was out of the front door as soon as he finished high school and got into med school, choosing to live in the dorms and work part-time rather than stay at the manor. Shoto was another history in itself.

And there was you, a couple of years younger than your now up-in-the-ranks pro hero brother, at the time just a pipsqueak. Too young to remember Rei, remember the worst of Endeavor.

And when he tried to connect, you were there. As if just waiting. Wanting your father to look at you. Frail and innocent and just in want of care, of attention, of love. You welcomed him into your life with open arms and heart.

Enji did try to make it right by you. And for some time things were progressing, even his other children were starting to turn their heads around his direction.

Until Touya’s incident.

The media cracked down on him and his family with a vengeance, almost nothing was left unturned or whole.

Natsuo was the first to cut ties. Shouto threw himself into his hero work, completely closing himself off. Even Fuyumi decided that she was done, took the next step, and went to live with her now fiance, completely ignoring whatever Enji tried to shout about costumes or honor.

Then it was just the two of you.

He tried to be a good father.

He was a quiet man in his private life, strict and with a violent nature, but he reached out for outside help to make it right. An older and trustworthy housekeeper to not chain his daughter down at the manor, guidance from therapist to help him become a better father, a better man, anything to do right this time.

Call it atonement, call it his redemption, call it hypocrisy, he didn't care.

He only cares that at the end of the day, you were there at his side, happy.

This morning he saw the note on the fridge.

Going to onee-san family trip,

Be back on Sunday.

You never had lied to him before.

Guess it was a time for a lot of firsts.

——-

The music blasting through the night tipped him off even before his car's GPS tells him he arrived at the destined location.

He parks way down the street and assesses the place inside the darkness of his car.

Enji’s way out of the city now and inside the industrial district, the building seems old and falling to pieces, people are lingering all around the street, but it’s thicker there. At surface level the building was empty, but the music was definitely coming from there.

He dreads the worst.

Getting out of the car still in his sleeping sweatpants and tee, he throws the hood of his workout jacket over his hair to conceal himself. He’s going for discretion, get you and get out, no need to make this a public affair. Not with this, not with you, not right now.

He searches around but still can't find you. Half an hour has passed since Natsuo called. He's in a frenzy. Endeavor forces himself to calm down and think.

His son didn't mention music. He looks far into the street and he can see the entrance of an alleyway, he hushes there.

His stomach tied in knots when he sees in the dark your small figure crouched down beside a dumpster. your shoulders ate shaking with silent sobs holding your dead phone for dear life, trying to make yourself smaller than you already were, head down.

Enji barks your name and your head snaps to the entrance of the alleyway in shock, your body trembling and fat tears running down your smudged makeup.

“Daddy!”

In a second you were up and running, throwing your body against him and hugging his middle. He doesn't know what to do first, but he opts for following his instincts. Enji hugs your shaking form, shushing you lightly while petting your head. He doesn't know if it's him or you who's shaking more.

He doesn't remember how, but he manages to walk both of you to his car without being seen, his hulking form covering your smaller one.

He's shaking. When Enji puts you in the passenger seat and the car lights momentarily shine everything in an amber glow, rage fills his chest. You are in a dress he has never seen before, he knows it was not yours. He would never allow a thing like that or let you use it in public. Your makeup that before being ruined by your smudging and crying, was heavy and meant to seduce.

He closes your door and gets in the car.

He's shaking.

——

Enji can only control himself enough to not rip the wheel or step on the gas right through the flooring for only three blocks. and thank the gods again for the hour, because he could not quite see the streets in front of him. If they weren't deserted while he drives double the velocity permitted, it would be likely that the fears of his family being again under the cruel and ravenous judgment of the public eye would become reality, although for a completely different reason from the ones he has been dreading until this point.

When he reaches the fourth block, he makes a sudden stop, turning and parking harshly with the front of the car almost all the way over the curb, the tires skidding loudly into the quiet of the night and scaring you out of your still shell shock state. your small sniffles stop when you let out a muted yelp of surprise.

Enji quickly pries his hands that have a death grip on the wheel and smash the roof of the car to turn the lights on in such a way that later he’s impressed he didn't send the entire ceiling flying. As fast as he did that and the darkness of the car is now cast in warm gold, his hands are on your small frame like a striking snake, a big calloused one gripping your face between meaty fingers, squeezing your wet cheeks and the other one in your far shoulder, turning you in his direction with a barely controlled yank. Enji wasn't sure if the shaking was coming from your body or his.

He's frantic, hectic, eyes going up and down your body trying to find anything, something. “Are you hurt? tell me,” His voice is harsh, too loud into the small space. You jump startled, but his grip locks you in place, he doesn't notice.

Why did you come to a party? Why are you dressed like this? Why did you do this?

“Are you?? Someone did something? Gave you something, touched you?” He barks again louder, bending and twisting to be in your face now, eyes scanning all over your body. But again and again, they would be drawn to the too short hem of your dress, from your ruined tearstained makeup and down again to your soft and creamy thighs, trying to find a mark, a scratch, a stain. Anything, something.

“Fucking answer me!”

“Dad please!”

Enji lets you go as if you just slap him in the face. He blinks.

You are shaking. Looking at him in fear, silent tears running down your cheeks. Your jaw is set as you try to hold your whimpers back, his fingers make red marks bloom on your face and arm under his digits.

Memories come back rushing. Phantoms scourging in blue flames.

He releases you as if you burn him.

His hands hover in place, and he doesn't dare to move, still crowding you. Both of you staring at each other in fear and confusion as if something would break.

He slowly backs away, and you keep still. He turns the light off and stares at the road.

Enji couldn't take more things between both of you breaking.

He takes a deep breath. Starts the car again to drive back home.

——

Friday nights are your nights.

Enji doesn't really remember when it started. But he knows it wasn't something that was spoken of or agreed beforehand. It happened once, then twice, then his job got in the way, then thrice, and when he noticed, it was a routine between him and his daughter.

Like most things between both of you, it just… fell into place. And it just felt right.

Endeavor would arrange his schedule in a way so that his Fridays would be empty, any emergency at the agency could be easily solved that way, patrols and hero work set on the weekends so he could come home at a sensible hour, just by dinnertime.

He would be just taking his blazer and shoes off at the entrance when Enji would hear your running steps from the kitchen, your pinky apron-clad figure hushing to meet him with a bright smile, eyes shining.

you would get a hold of his tie and gently tug down for him to bend at the waist to your level, your arms were thrown in a warm hug on his neck and a sweet and lengthy kiss on his cheek after he steps through the threshold. you would giggle against his face from the tickles you got from his stubble while warmly welcoming him, the food still hot on the table.

It was one of your multiple habits together, just the two of you. And it felt right.

It was routine. And it felt so domestic, warm and right.

Friday nights are your nights. After he gets home, you guys have dinner, something you cooked by yourself, sending the older housemaid away earlier.

Sometimes it is a new recipe, sometimes something you already tried before. But it's always good, and when Enji compliments your cooking skills and how much he enjoys it, your cheeks blush red. You daintly try to hide your smile as you thank him, bashful behavior so alluring even when he knows is just a little act, playing coy. There's warmth in his chest.

The lights in the dining room cast everything in this whimsical warm glow and maybe it's the beer, but Enji thinks it reflects lovely on you and the color of your blouse today. He says so.

“Looking so pretty tonight, princess.”

The red on your cheeks grow stronger. From across the table, he hides his smirk behind his can at seeing how you fidget in place, trying to contain your coquettish smile while biting your plush bottom lip. The warmth spreads lower.

Only later it dawns on him. Enji was flirting with his own daughter. And it was a habit.

It was routine.

Enji is sprawled on the big sofa comfortably, already showered and in his sleeping clothes after dinner, the second movie of the night halfway through.

It was a period drama and he tries to pay attention to the main points for your quiz about it the next day, but he was mostly checked out, lulled by the comfy dark of the living room, the buzz of the beers he drank, sleep and your warm body draped over his.

He doesn't really remember when it started, but he knows it was gradually. One day in your Friday movie nights, he notices you were glued on his side, and on the next one you had an arm draped over his torso while both of you were laying on the reclining couch, and since then, you were always over him, arms and thighs and breasts glued to his body, but most of the time cutely laying on his chest.

That night was no different. You are laying on his broad chest, using your arm as leverage to look down and back at the tv in front of the sofa, and for you to not slip he has one big palm over your waist and the other in a secure hook on the slope of your knee, propping your bent leg higher across his stomach. Your breathing matches his, and if not by your little grunts and noises of surprise, the redhead would have thought you had fallen asleep on him. It would not be the first time.

The clothes you are using are small and had hiked up a long time ago, a loose tank top and booty shorts, both of them old and worn out, sleep clothes.

From where he was, he could see all your body over his. From the crown of your head to the slope of your waist as it dipped under his scarred hand. His gaze follows the curve of your thigh draped over his waist to the fat of your ass pointing high. He muses in a daze that he could see the inside of your tank top, the soft swell of a breast making an appearance. He leers.

You move a little, and this time, he can make out the shade of a nipple. It’s pert and small and pretty, and blood rushes to his clothed cock, but is late, and he's tired and buzzed out. It doesn’t connect in his mind.

You move. you are getting yourself higher on his chest. Enji feels small hands wandering under his shirt. Presses of lips on his neck. Wet kisses on the stubble on his jaw.

The soft touches pull him deeper. There's a young and wanton body over his. It’s been so long since he truly touched another, let himself be touched. Smooth lips and an uncertain tongue were kissing him, and he wants to devour them. It’s hot and burns and makes his insides coil, his cock hard and heavy inside his pants. A warm slit humping it.

Could have been the tiredness, the beer, the comfort of the situation, anything really.

Enji kisses you like a man starved. Head moving and ravaging your much smaller mouth with his tongue. His hand yanks your tank top down exposing your breasts, and now he’s pulling and pinching the sweet nipples in a way that makes you moan against his tongue with a voice he couldn't recognize.

His other hand was down at your ass, guiding your movements back and forth on his erection with vigor, the friction against your slit makes you weak, but he keeps you moving, his calloused hand encompassing most of your behind. At each needy thrust his fingers would slide down between the cleft of your ass more and more.

His meaty fingers push the bottons of your shorts aside with a flick of his wrist, and now he's touching directly your puffy lips that are messy and wet all over. Enji growls in your mouth as you moan louder when he starts playing with your pussy, a pitched whine as he flicks your clit up and down, a strong hold on your breast.

A loud bang from the TV is what snaps him back to reality.

It was his daughter.

His daughter was over him. It was his daughter that was humping his cock, that he was sucking her small tongue and tweaking her nipples until he made her squeal.

He jumps to his feet and throws you across the couch.

Different from him, you look wide awake. Flushed face and startled eyes stares up at him, exposed breasts still heaving. Nipples rosy and hard. Between your legs, a glistening trail of where his fingers dragged when he ripped them off of you. Your shorts are drenched.

There's a moment of silence.

Enji snaps. He sprints to his bedroom, leaving you alone in the living room.

He locks his door, drops to the floor, and whips his hard and heavy cock out. in three pumps, thick ropes of cum cover his hand and clothed middle.

Taking big gulps of air trying to calm his breathing, his eyes glancing everywhere in a panic state, he looks down, and spot the wet patch on his clothed thigh. Yours juices that leaked on him. Its still in his other hand, fingers wet.

Enji wants to cry.

He tried to be a good father.

He ruined it again.

#endeavor x reader #Enji Todoroki #Endeavor #Enji todoroki x reader

1K notes · View notes

ohmygoodnessgraciouss · 3 years

Text

Reality Check - Chapter 5

Here we are once again! Check out the #Reality Check Masterlist tag on the bottom if you need the other chapters. A new masterlist will be created sometime this week! Enjoy! <3 I love you all 3000

Summary: Y/N and Wanda were very close after returning in 2023. The two bonded over the loss of their partners. It wasn’t enough to keep Wanda grounded after she found Vision’s body though, and Wanda wants the best for her friend. Unfortunately for Y/N, this means she’s going to be thrown into a reality she wasn’t expecting.

Notes: Y’all are going to lose your minds. There are no warnings. I can’t spoil when we’re this close. Just know that this has been in mind the entire time. I couldn’t let you all know the entire plot so early on ;)

Just as you were finishing up breakfast the lights went out. The only light now was the sun peeking through the windows of the kitchen, illuminating the room with a soft glow. The bacon was still sizzling in the pan and you groaned. Suddenly, the water pipe burst in the sink as well, causing water to spray everywhere. “Can this day get any better?!” You ran over to the water pipes underneath the sink, turning the valves until they shut off completely.

Water continued to drip from the counters, soaking everything near it. Just as you were grabbing towels Loki walked in, his eyes still showing signs of sleep in them. “What happened? I heard you yelp,” He asked, concerned.

“The power went out and the water pipe burst. A great combination if I do say so myself.” Your voice was laced with sarcasm as Loki brought a few more towels over, covering the floor and stomping on them to soak up the water.

“Don’t worry about it love, these things happen.” He smiled a little, trying to help you feel better about it.

“Well, look at it this way,” You said, walking over to the other side of the counter. The plate of pancakes and bacon sat there, perfectly made, unharmed from the water. “Fate gave us a break with breakfast.” You grinned, holding up the plate to him. He laughed lightly and pulled out two smaller plates from the cupboard.

“A not-so-perfect start to the day, but a start nonetheless.”

You placed the plates in the sink once you were done, completely forgetting that you couldn’t clean them up just yet. You thought about what you could do and decided it may be best to go see if Wanda or Geraldine were having similar issues. It would be a chance to get out of the house and find out if the entire neighborhood was having these problems too.

“Loki, I’m going to go out and see if anyone else is having problems. It could be better than asking an electrician to come over just yet.” You stated, putting your shoes on. Loki walked over to you before responding.

“Alright, stay safe, my love.” He kissed the top of your head. You smiled at the affection but you were slightly confused.

“I’m just going out around the neighborhood. I’ll be alright, I promise,” You laughed a little. Loki’s concern seemed so out of place for him. You didn’t remember him ever being that protective of you. Then again, how long ago would that have been exactly? “What’s got you so worked up lately?”

“It’s nothing much. It just feels like so much is changing so quickly. And it feels like you’re changing with it. Not-” He quickly stopped himself, “Not in that sense. I mean, it’s changing you in a way that I’m worried will harm you.”

“Things may be changing, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. It’s good that there’s change. Maybe it’s something we need here.” You smiled. “I’ll see you later, hon.”

You walked out the door and down the street. Oddly enough, there weren’t many people outside. Taking a peek into their windows you could see that it was all dark. Not a single light shone in them, nor did a person walk by. It was like they were frozen in time.

As you made your way to Wanda’s house, you noticed Agnes and Vision talking. It looked like Herb was next to Agnes. The three of them seemed to having a nice discussion as they laughed about something. What you found odd, however, was the man standing across the street watching them. His black hair was slicked back and he was in a suit. It was Scott.

You waved over to him and walked across to say hello. After the ordeal that went down with him yesterday, a part of you was just drawn to him. You weren’t sure if you wanted to apologize for being rude or find out what he was going on about. Either way, he noticed you and smiled, breaking your train of thought. “Y/N, how lovely to see you.”

“Hey Scott, what’s with the suit? It’s a Saturday, who goes to work today?” You asked, laughing a little. He looked down to the ground quickly before meeting your eyes again. A kind of sadness seemed to loom in his eyes.

“I had to go into the office today to take care of some work. The boss apparently decided that I needed to get something done by Monday if I wanted a promotion. It didn’t take long, but it ended with a meeting so I had to make sure I dressed properly.”

“The boss needed you on a Saturday? Well, I can’t say much, except that I feel sorry for you.” The two of you shared a laugh which she seemed to catch Agnes’ eye momentarily. You noticed the quick glance she gave the two of you before resuming her discussion. “Well, aside from that, how are you doing?”

“Well, I’m... Alright, we can say. I was actually looking for you, so I’m glad to see you.” He said. Your head tilted in confusion.

“Me? Why were you looking for me?”

Something in his eyes seemed to change again. You couldn’t place your finger on the emotion though. He hesitated before he responded, as if he was trying to choose his words carefully before replying. It was like he needed to know what the right answer was to a simple question. “I wanted to check on you. Gossip spreads around this town faster than you think. Agnes had already mentioned you running off from the talent show to me. I wanted to check on you.”

“Check on me? Oh, that woman. She’s so nosy, it drives me up the wall sometimes. I swear if you ever mentioned what you told me to that woman, she’d let the entire town know in less than sixty seconds,” You shook your head. He chuckled, nodding in agreement.

“Yes, I know. That’s why I trusted you with that information and not her. However... I wanted to apologize for that. That was a lot I asked from you in such a short amount of time, especially when we had just met. Could we start over?” He asked.

“Absolutely, Scott. I wouldn’t want anything else.” You grinned.

“Wanda, are you sure you want to go here?” You asked, looking down at the address she had written down. She nodded, watching you grab the car keys and pull on a jacket.

“Vision wanted me to go there. He wanted me to see it. Even if he’s not there to see it too.” She looked down dejectedly. You brought her into a hug before pulling the address up on Google Maps.

“Alright, let’s go see this place.”

The drive itself was quiet, the radio muted as you listened to the directions. Neither of you spoke a word on the three-hour trip. It was all the way over in New Jersey, which confused you. What was so special about this place?

You drove into a town that seemed run down. People still lived in it, clearly, as you saw them walk down the cracked pavement following the street. Some sat down in front of restaurants as others spoke in hushed whispers, clearly confused by the visitors coming to their town.

You turned down countless streets that all looked the same. Houses lined up next to each other with busy lawns, filled with weeds and trees that grew to monstrous heights. Some of the homes didn’t seem to be very well taken care of, leading you to believe they had been abandoned there for years. “Are you sure this is it?” You asked her once more, breaking the silence.

“Yes, I’m positive.” She looked down at a paper that she had finally pulled out ten minutes ago. You couldn’t look down to see it, but out of the corner of your eye you saw red markings on it.

“If you’re sure. Then, this is it.” You pulled up to an empty lot that sat between houses. You stopped the car, watching her take a deep breath. You finally looked at what the paper was. It was a deed for the land. The red markings were a heart, with a small message from Vision. You smiled sadly at the note.

“Thank you, Y/N. Thank you for doing this.” She said, her voice failing her towards the end. You placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as she unbuckled.

“Do you need some time here alone? I need to go get gas anyway for when we leave. I can come pick you up in a few minutes.” You offered. She contemplated it for a minute before finally nodding. By the downward turns at the corners of her lips you could tell she couldn’t say anything. She got out of the car wordlessly and walked to the center of the lot.

You drove away, watching her with sad eyes through your mirror. You knew she needed this moment and you hoped it would only help her move on.

You drove about a mile outside of town to get gas when you noticed the bright burst of energy behind you. You could only watch in amazement as the red magic filled the air, creating a huge barrier. You recognize it immediately as Wanda’s magic.

Instead of getting gas you got in the car and drove back to Westview, reaching the barrier. Its magic swirled and the energy radiating from it was warm, almost trying to drag you in with it. You walked slowly to the barrier, looking for anyone else around. There wasn’t a single soul.

You knew you should’ve called someone, anyone, to help you. You had no idea what this magic would do, but as you pushed your hand through it you knew it was too late. You were immediately pulled into the barrier and you blacked out.

“Y/N, may I ask you a question?” He asked, watching Agnes talk to Vision once again. You followed his eyes, noticing the strange aura that seemed to float around them. It looked tense, as if they were about ready to start fighting about something.

“Of course, what is it?” You asked.

“Do you remember the time-” He stopped himself. “Nevermind, it’s not important.” He saw Agnes look over at him, a deadly glare in her eyes. Whether it was from fear or anger, her eyes seemed to send a chill down his spine involuntarily. “I should get going. There is some more business I must take care of and I’m sure you were on your way somewhere too.”

“Oh, yes! I was going to see if Wanda or Geraldine had power. It seems like the power went out in a few parts of the street, so there’s your warning. You may go back to a dark house!” The two of you shared a laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.” He began to walk away as you walked across the street. Vision and Agnes were tense, so maybe you could break the ice.

“Hey neighbors, how are you all doing?” You asked. They turned to you, their faces breaking out in wide smiles.

“Hi hon, what are you doing all the way over here?” She asked.

“I wanted to see if Wanda was having any issues with the power as well. It seems like something knocked out the power down the street.” You smiled. Agnes nodded understandingly.

“Unfortunately my house got knocked out too. I just got it back though, so you may be in luck when you get home,” She turned to Herb once she finished her statement.

“Well either way, hello Vision, how are you doing?” You asked, turning to him now that Agnes clearly didn’t want to talk anymore.

“I’m doing just fine, Y/N, thank you for asking. Well, I could be better.” He said, looking over to the house momentarily.

“Why’s that? Something wrong at home?”

“Well, no not exactly. Wanda was pregnant and she just had our two sons, Billy and Tommy.” He said it proudly, but then his mood took a turn. “I’m just not prepared for it. I’m worried something will go wrong.”

“Wanda was pregnant?!” Was the first thing to come out of your mouth. The last time you saw her was just yesterday and she wasn’t showing at all. How did it happen so quickly?

“Yes, she was. It was a surprise to us all, I can assure you of that. A happy surprise, of course,” He chuckled, trying to ease his worries himself.

“Oh, don’t start with that Vision. This will be wonderful! You two have an even bigger family now. And you know everyone around here is going to be super supportive of you two the entire time. We’re all neighbors, we’re here to help whenever you need it.”

He smiled, looking at the ground. “Thank you very much, Y/N, it means a lot. Wanda and I will probably need it every once in a while. Handling one son would be a handful, but handling twin boys will be a challenge we didn’t expect.”

“It’s nothing you guys won’t be able to handle, I’m sure. Is she feeling alright? Could I go see her?”

“Oh yes, absolutely. I’m sure she would be delighted to see you,” He smiled, stepping aside. “I have to discuss something with Agnes anyway, so I will see you inside.”

You smiled and nodded, walking into the home. There you saw Wanda and Geraldine holding the babies. “Well isn’t this a joyful surprise,” You commented. Wanda turned around quickly, her eyes lighting up at your presence.

“Y/N! Welcome, come in, come in,” She smiled, looking down at Billy in her arms. “I want you to meet my boys, Billy and Tommy.”

Geraldine smiled softly and handed Tommy to you. His eyes were shut but you could tell he looked just like a perfect mix of Wanda and Vision. He fit in your arms perfectly, snuggled in his blanket. “They’re beautiful, Wanda.”

Tommy slowly woke up, his bright eyes staring up at you in curiosity. You were surprised to see newborns be so active, but what did you know about babies? Maybe they’re just a little different.

He stuck one of his arms out of the blanket, pressing his hand up against his eye as he slowly woke up, trying to rub the tiredness out. He cooed a little and you could see the love in Wanda’s eyes as he did. ��Hey there, little guy,” You smiled, holding up your hand near him. When you placed your pinky in his hand he immediately grasped it. It was such a simple act that made your heart skip a beat.

You giggled and slowly moved your finger away from him. “Oh, Y/N, could you please go grab something from my bedroom upstairs. I have a book up there on the shelf. It’s the second door on the right. It’s a baby book and I want to know what else to expect from these two,” She said, pointing up the stairs.

You nodded. “Of course! Here, Geraldine, can you take Tommy?” You gave her Tommy and started making your way upstairs.

You found the door and entered. It was a simple room. The bed had a dark frame with white sheets. The red comforter was tucked in neatly and the pillows were underneath. The bedside tables had matching lamps, a clock on one side. To the right you could see a closet hidden by two doors. A bookshelf stood next to the closet. That must have been the shelf you needed.

The bookshelf was littered with different colored books of all sizes. One was a dictionary, another was a fiction novel, another seemed to be on some sort of philosophy. It was almost like you could pinpoint whose book was whose.

The one book stood off to the side. A baby blue cover, a little binkie on the front. The title was simply “What to Expect: The First Year.” It had a small red glow around it, much like the items in the store just yesterday. You picked the book up and the glow dissipated. You flipped through the pages lightly while beginning to walk out of the room.

You stopped in your tracks when you heard a loud crash come from downstairs. You ran towards the stairs, hiding immediately when you saw the large hole created in the wall. Wanda stood across from it, the eerie red glow surrounding her hands. It had to have been Geraldine who had gone flying through the wall. She wasn’t there anymore and the hole was large enough for a person.

You watched in amazement as Wanda began moving her hands around, the wall repairing itself. It was like magic. The red glow faded from her hands and she straightened out her dress. She turned back towards the twins.

To avoid raising suspicion, you began walking down the stairs. “I found it!” You said, handing the book over to her. She smiled and thanked you for it, opening the book to a specific chapter. “Where’s Geraldine?” You asked, looking around innocently.

“She had to go. She didn’t belong.”

Oh yeah. You have to get out of there.

___________________________________________

Scott walked up to the house, knocking on the door. He straightened out his suit as he waited for an answer. This had to be the right house. No other house was like it on the street. If it wasn’t, he was about to be in big trouble by the boss.

Loki opened the door, a gentle smile on his face. “Hello-” He was immediately cut off as Scott walked in, taking his shirt collar. He shut the door and slammed Loki up against it. Loki’s eyes widened at the action. “What are you doing?”

A knife was quickly placed against his neck. Scott glared at the man before him with steely eyes. “Who are you?”

“And why are you pretending to be me?”

@emberfulclass @momoneymolife @high-priestesss @hailey-the-heathen @mochminnie @dpaccione @intricate-melody @lindseyrae20 @storminateacup15 @ilovemollyweasley @bookgirlunicorn @chims-kookies @austynparksandpizza @yikesdameron @littleladdty @three-eyed-snail @kymera-casterwill @justsomerandompersonintheworld @followthepastelcloud @11mb0 @carolinesbookworld @from-hel-i-with-love @grimalkynslee @boywivlove @prettysbliss @youreobsessedwithmarvel @th3gl1tt3gram3roff1c1al @luthien-t @lokilove3000 @treblebeth

#loki #loki x reader #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #thor #marvel #avengers #wandavision #wandavision spoilers #vision #wanda maximoff #Scarlet Witch #fluff #romance #fanfic #fanfiction #Reality Check Masterlist

257 notes · View notes

physicalturian · 3 years

Text

[16+] Define "Hate" - Miya Atsumu x Fem!Reader

[She/Her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone +18]

Words : 9956

Archive of our own

Tags : Enemies to friends (to lovers) / A random dude tries to make out but fails / Drinking / Partying / Fluff / Wholesome / Tenderness / Slight non-con

If you think I should add some tags, tell me!

Summary : Your friend Bokuto invites you to a party, where due to circumstances you're forced to hang out with a man that hates you : Miya Atsumu. The evening does not go as planned, and slowly, you're coming to the realization that your entire relationship may have started on a misunderstanding.

A/N: The unwanted advances are from a random person, so is the non-consensual touching. It does not go further, the person is stopped. The story is cute, but you've been warned if you're sensitive to such topics! Have fun!

- - -

I knew the moment I heard Bokuto say “I’ll meet you there then!” that I shouldn’t have accepted his offer to go out. While I was aware it was a rare opportunity considering his lack of free time, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach it was going to turn out bad.

Before I could ask him what he meant by meet there, he had hung up, telling me he was excited. Pulling the phone away from my ear, I stared at the screen and tried to call him back right away, I had to ask him where we were meeting since in his excitement, he had not shared the location.

He never picked up. Even after 4 calls.

With a heavy sigh, I got up from my desk and grimaced at my last option to get hang of the man, “I really don’t want to call him… I should get Hinata’s phone number, that’d be more enjoyable than him.” Shaking my head, I told myself that we were both adults, and we could have a proper conversation. Clearing my throat, I pressed the name in my contacts and waited, drumming my fingers on the back of the phone.

After a moment, I heard some hubbub in the background before hearing the fake-joyous voice on the other end, “Well, isn’t it the little faker, are you calling me to come clean and finally be real with me-“ “Hello to you too, is Koutarou nearby?” I cut him off, not wanting to hear his little speech.

Every time we would meet, he would talk shit about the way I’d act. I was very social during those gatherings; I was calmer in normal situation, and I’ll admit putting on a tougher face when around more people I did not know. But what bugged Atsumu Miya was that I was never getting mad. His sole purpose seemed to try to tick me off.

Perhaps he was himself mad that I kept throwing him comebacks and that he’d struggle to come up with something just as good. Or perhaps he only heard about me from Bokuto and wanted to see the less stoic side Bokuto probably talked to him about.

The blond Miya twin huffed, it was followed by a more muffled sound. “I could ask, I could answer, really. But I’m not fond of the attitude, so I might just hang up-“ “You do that,” I had started tauntingly, thinking he wouldn’t do it. Before I could say more, he hung up.

It was my turn to huff as I called him back, he picked up just as fast, “Back so soon? How can I help you? And don’t waste time on formalities, I don’t need the fake niceties. This ain’t an interview,” His grin could be heard through the phone, it made me roll my eyes as I sighed.

“I really don’t know why Kou gave me your number instead of literally any other guy from your team. Just tell me if Koutarou is here, that’s all I am calling about.” Just when I said that, I heard my friend’s voice ask who was on the phone. I was very close to threaten Atsumu, thinking he was going to be shitty and not tell Bokuto it was me. Instead, he told him the truth and handed him his phone.

“Hey!! What’s up?” “Kou, you said we’d meet up there, where is ‘there’ exactly?” He burst out laughing for a long while before telling me he meant the pub near the campus, he added that the closest they were to the campus, the more they could get wasted. Or as he put it ‘the waster-er we can be’. “Right, but I’m a bit further from the pub. I don’t live that far, but not that close either-“

Hushing me, he said, “I know, I know, that’s why Tsum-Tsum is going to come pick you up! He said he wasn’t going to drink tonight, he’ll be our designated driver, I already gave him your address.”

I blinked a few times, not responding. Was he fucking with me? “Bok, Bok, can’t you just pick me up yourself?” “Nah, I have to go get my bro, he said he’ll need to be saved from a boring party he was forced to go to,” He explained. He then cut the conversation short by telling me we’d see each other tonight, then another voice spoke.

“Sheesh, who would have thought, right? Hope that does not make you mad. Better be ready at 5, don’t forget the condescending attitude, we wouldn’t want the others to know who you really are, right?” “You are obsessed with me, it’s getting ridiculous. I’m not fake, Miya. It says a lot if all you want is for me to get mad at you, perhaps you lived in a too lenient household? In dire need of being reprimanded?” The man scoffed and repeated to be ready by 5, then hung up.

I had a few hours left to get prepared and did it in no time. Enough to wear something casual enough, but still standing out a bit to look good. With the time I had left, I rummaged through my place to find an empty reusable bottle and filled it with something to spice up my drinks and have more fun. Going to bars was fun, but it did not come cheap, plus if I was going to be somewhere where Atsumu Miya was, I was not going to be sober.

I was putting my bottle inside my bag, when I heard my phone ring in my back pocket and quickly grabbed it only to be attacked, “When I say be ready at 5, it means be in front of the building door by 5, not take your time going down the stairs.” “Did you skip breakfast or something? Such a sour mood Miya, even for you it’s surprising. I’ll be there in two minutes.” Doing as he did to me, I hung up before he could say anything and left my place, making sure to turn everything off and lock the doors.

I had left a note to my roommate, telling them I was going out and not to be surprised if I wasn’t home.

Knowing that staying in Atsumu’s presence was going to take a toll on me, I took a few measured breaths as I went down the stairs. Most of the people I knew appreciated how calm I was, but the man child seemed annoyed by it more than anyone. He was dead set on making me mad. If anyone asked me, I’d say he got mad one time I did not laugh at his stupid jokes and put himself up to the challenge to get a reaction out of me. And since his humor was not on point, the easiest way, in his books, could be getting me mad.

I never really understood why he was like that with me, since he never explained his nasty attitude, but I was bearing through it.

Giving him a nod, I knocked on the window and told him to open. Rolling his eyes, he did and put his phone back on the stand on the dashboard where the aux was connected. He put on some music and started driving, not saying much. It felt like he was forcing himself to not speak, which made me sigh in annoyance. He was being too petty, and for what?

Keeping things civilized, I said, “Thank you for picking me up,” I held back from saying I was surprised his car was clean. There was a sports bag on the bag seat, but it was still clean, and it did not smell bad. “I owed Bokuto, that’s all” “Still, thank you. You could have told him no since you hate me,” I said jokingly, hoping for a reaction. It did not take long to get one, in a whiny voice he looked at me with a scowl, “I don’t hate you, you’re just-“ “Look at the road, then bitch and moan,”

“Like that, you’re like that, God,” He huffed, focusing back on the road. In a calm voice, I said, “Well, I’d rather we did not get in an accident just because you have anger issues, you know?” I taunted, making him grip the wheel tighter.

“I don’t have anger issues; I just know you’re not as calm as you appear to be. No one is, I’ve seen, at best, two emotions on that arrogant face of yours and I’m sure they were all fake,” He stated, definitely believing what he was saying. Quirking a brow in response, I hummed inquisitively, playing with the seatbelt. “Is that so? My theory is that you’re mad I don’t laugh at your jokes,” I shrugged.

With a quick glance, he raised a finger in emphasis as he said, “First, I’m hilarious,” he raised another finger, “Second, I’ll get you to show some emotion at some point, but tonight I’m having fun and not caring if I have a fucking rock with me,”

I’ll admit it hurt a bit to hear him say that. But I didn’t show it. If the man was going to act as such then so be it, “Sure, sure, call me Wall-E because I’m an emotionless robot, right?”

“Wall-E was in love with Eve, he had emotions,” I heard him mumble. A smile drew itself on my face when I heard that, I don’t know if I wanted to tell him it sounded cute the way he said it. Now I took it as a challenge to keep all of my feelings away from him, since he seemed too keen on unraveling the mystery that I seemed to be in his eyes. “Right. That he was, sure.”

“Have you not seen the movie? Do you even cry during sad movies- no, do you ever cry, at all? Or is it just bitterness and pure attitude?” “Doesn’t it get tiring to be mad at nothing?” I ignored his questions, finding them absolutely ridiculous. All I wanted was to jump out of his car and walk the rest of the way to the bar.

“I’m not mad!” He said, annoyed. “Well, you don’t have a very positive attitude Miya, Bokuto keeps telling me how you’re so funny and cool but all I see is a little bitch who’s upset over meeting someone who isn’t as loud as he is,”

With a scoff, he replied, his tone getting rougher, “And he keeps telling me you’re so great to be around, and the best kind of company and yet I’d feel better hanging out with a goldfish.”

“Since we’re on the same page, I suggest we stop talking. That’d be better for both of us.” My tone was strained, I never had such a tensed relationship with anyone. My chest felt heavy knowing the reason I wasn’t getting along with him was his utter dislike of who I was, but I ignored it. I was not going to let it get to me, I was going to get drunk and have fun.

I reached out for the phone to increase the volume, my hand almost bumping with Atsumu. We seemed to have had the same idea. He looked at me with a raised brow, “Choose whatever song,” he said. I turned my face to look at the window instead and shrugged, “I don’t care, we’re almost there,”

Another sigh followed when Atsumu changed to something a bit more upbeat. I wanted to sing along, and as I glanced his way, he also did. His mouth was matching the lyrics, but no other sound followed. It was kind of cute.

“Do you want something?” He asked, probably feeling my stare. “No. Just lost in thoughts.”

The rest of the drive was spent without another word. I only thanked him when we arrived, the loud music could already be heard from outside. The reason for it being the windows being wide open along with the door. It felt familiar, the tension from the car dissipated easily. I was finally going to be able to avoid the Miya twin and have fun.

Except I still had him close by when we walked up to the entrance of the building. “Stop walking with me, people will think we came here together,” He said in a panicked tone.

“Which we did, but you’re right. I wouldn’t want to be seen with you,” I sped up my pace and walked further in front of him, turning around and saluting him. “See you,” I said with a mischievous grin upon seeing his surprised expression. He scrambled to his senses and added “Never, see you never!”

I rolled my eyes at how childish he sounded and made my way inside, feeling much more welcome by the loud music and beer smells than I felt in the car of a man that despised me. I was startled when I heard my name being called but let out a shaky laugh when I saw Bokuto at a table, waving at him I joined him.

“Hey Kou!” I looked at the black-haired man next to him and nodded, “Kuroo,” Bokuto scooted closer to his friend to make me some space, so I sat down. In front of us was his teammates, Hinata and Sakusa, which I greeted along the way. Before I could join the conversation, Bokuto handed me his beer, “We can’t really start without this, right?” I rolled my eyes, knowing full well what he wanted from me. I chugged the drink, slamming the cup down. “Bro, it wasn’t just beer, the fuck did you put in that?” “Fun, I put fun in it.”

“Yeah well, I’m not chugging another one of those, I’ll wait a bit before taking something else,” I huffed a laugh, looking around a bit. I met a random dude’s gaze who seemed to be fixed on mine. When I made a confused face, a smirk drew itself on his face. It felt very off-putting, his gaze was not leaving mine, I only looked away when Bokuto placed a hand on my shoulder. “Tonight is the night we get wasted,” The last word being said in a much louder tone than the rest, almost screaming it.

Nudging him, I quirked a brow, “That changes from the usual because?” “Because everyone is here!” He turned to look at Hinata and Sakusa, a huge grin on his face, “What’s your poison?”

I let out a laugh, about to tell him no one said that but Kuroo beat me to it, “Bro, no one says that. That was cringe,” he looked at the two other men and smirked as he placed both his hands on the table, ready to get up to get the drinks. “What’s your Kryptonite?”

Sakusa sighed, I looked at the two best friends and told them that no one said that either but at least we knew what they meant. Hinata said he didn’t usually drink, while Sakusa said he was not planning on getting wasted. Bokuto proceeded to whine and try to convince the dark-haired man. While he did that, I got up and went to the bar to get a few beers. Once I had ordered, I waited for the barman to serve the drinks.

In my waiting, I was pushed a bit around considering the amount of people around. I gripped the bar tight to stay put and felt someone touch my ass, I turned around with a scowl, ready to beat whoever did that. All I could see was a person leaving, they seemed tall, but I couldn’t really tell much more about them just from their back. “Fucking asshole,” I mumbled as I turned back to get my drinks, thanking the barman.

I had to hold back a loud sigh when I saw Atsumu seating next to Hinata when I joined back my friends at the table. I had planned on having fun and having him there only made me uneasy.

Putting the drinks on the table, I sat down and grabbed my bottle, looking him dead in the eyes. I observed a moment, assessing, checking how annoying he was tonight. “Five.” I said as I gulped down some of my drink.

Confused he put his glass down, “What ‘five’?”

Finishing drinking from my bottle, I closed it and smirked, “I’ll need 5 shots until I can handle your whiny ass tonight,”

He gasped and pointed at Bokuto, “Bok! Your robot friend is being a bitch again, how can you stay with her!” He complained, earning a loud laugh from Bokuto. Kuroo answered instead, “She’s funny, and pretty reasonable, I would have said 7.” Atsumu grumbled in response and hurried us to start the drinking game.

I did not really understand what the game was about, it seemed to have been invented by Kuroo and Bokuto, but clearly, they were having a blast. I didn’t quite follow the rules but would drink when they’d tell me to. Hinata was already a lot louder than 3 drinks ago, his cheeks flushed pink and his hand gripping Atsumu’s biceps when he’d talk.

As loud as both Kuroo and Bokuto already were, it had gotten louder. And a lot less clear, their words being more slurred. It was still joyful as the smile on their face was beaming when they’d tell one another joke. It was so wholesome; I couldn’t help but join their stupid giggling.

Sakusa had left after a few hours, Atsumu had drove him back before coming back and joining us once more.

I don’t really know what I talked about with Bokuto during Atsumu’s absence, but I remember leaning in and resting my cheek on his shoulder. “Atsumu hates me…” I mumbled. I heard Kuroo whisper something but didn’t quite catch it, instead Bokuto placed a hand on the back of my head. “I don’t know bro, he definitely feels something, but I don’t know- you know like, he just, when I….But like…” I nodded.

“What I’m saying is like, I don’t know man, I thought you’d both get along!! You’re both so cool, but yeah no… So, like- he looks like he’s been challenged or something man,” He grumbled, nudging Kuroo and bringing his head against his chest along with mine. “It makes me sad,” he whined the last part. “I just want my friends to get along, I don’t want you to be fighting,” Feeling his chest move weirdly, I realized he was crying.

Kuroo huffed a laugh and tried to cheer him up, I wrapped an arm around his shoulder. I found it slightly funny, both Kuroo and I were smiling at how Bokuto turned out but still did our best to cheer him up.

Checking if he was coming back, I instead met the gaze of the dude from earlier. He was watching me intently from his spot at the bar. He raised a glass my way before taking a sip.

The feeling in the pit of my stomach grew, it was unease, uncomfortable… Unsafe. But I ignored him and looked back at Bokuto. “Alright, alright, I’ll try to talk to him,” I slurred a few of my words too, more out of exhaustion than anything. When I had too many drinks, I was not angry or sad, but tired. Still when I saw Atsumu Miya walk in, I chugged down my shot and stood up. “Wish me luck,”

I quickly made my way towards him, “Miya,” he turned away from me and ignored me.

I could have called his name again, but that would have made me look clingy. I followed him instead, trying to grab his arm, but he was walking fast. Maybe he didn’t hear me, right? Maybe he did not even think I called him, because why would I… right?

I huffed at my own thought, why was I trying to justify this man just not wanting to deal with me?

In my loss of focus, I bumped into someone and apologized quickly. They grabbed my biceps to keep me in place, a forced-nice tone in their voice. “Hey there, be careful next time,”

I held back my disgust when he brushed his thumbs over my arm. “Thank you, have a nice night.” Shit, I should have been more fake. Now he’ll feel offended. Too many words too. I should I have just said thank you. Fuck.

His eyes focused on mine a moment, damn it, he was going to use that card… “Hey have we met already?” I shook my head, trying to get out of his grasp. “Oh right! You’re the one who kept looking at me, haha.” I gave him a fake smile, still not saying anything. He let go of one of my arms and tried to guide me somewhere, but I stood in the spot. I didn’t want to move, there were already very few people here, I did not want to go somewhere even less crowded.

“Hey, I really have to go, my friend-“ “The one who was ignoring you? Haha, I think you should let him go, if he’s like that.” A fake laugh was what I gave him with a nod, I did not want to make him feel attacked. “Come on, I see the way you were looking at me. You can’t act shy now,” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, I felt my heart beat faster in fear. I wasn’t in any condition to do any real damage, maybe I was overthinking it, but I considered screaming, not that anyone would come in.

I gulped and straightened my back, “I believe you were looking at me like a hawk more than anything, I was just glancing.” I was glad I didn’t stutter, but the moment his smile disappeared, I tried to pull my arm from him. “I’m pretty sure you were looking like I was, maybe thinking of what we could do together…” His eyes traveled over my body. I tried to push him off, he grunted. “Hey, why are you like that? I’m just being nice here,”

“I’m sure you are, just let me go, I’m not interested,” He held only tighter, pushing me to the wall and gripping my jaw to have me look him dead in the eyes, “I’ll show you what you’re missing, do you mind if I-“ His hand was starting to drift to my collarbone, “I’m sure you don’t, I saw the way you acted with those men-“ He nipped my neck, and I elbowed his side.

This was enough, I glanced down and saw an opportunity to knee him in the balls before punching his stomach and biting his arm to let me go. He tried to grab me, but I ran off, tripping as I did so. I could hear him swear under his breath and call me a bitch, a maniac, a psycho. I huffed and went back to my table. I tried to brush off what happened, but the stress made my hands shake.

I was breathing heavily. Eyes tearing up. Deep breath, in …. Out… I told myself as I brushed my clothes off and tried to smile before reaching the table, calming myself down. I just wanted to get Bokuto and stick by his side, his presence was reassuring and that’s what I need. I just wanted to get my friend, maybe a hug… just anything. If the man came back, he’d probably back off, but I couldn’t be alone.

When I got to the table and only saw Atsumu, I let out a nervous laugh. “Miya, where’s Kou?” I looked behind me, making sure the man wasn’t there. “He disappeared with Kuroo and little Shoyo,” He said off-handedly, glancing at me as he spoke. I clenched my jaw, knowing if I spoke, I would break down. Deep breaths, in… and out… in…. and out…“When’s he- coming back,” A knot in my throat gave away that I wasn’t as composed as I seemed. But I did not want to be mocked by Atsumu and prayed he didn’t catch on.

“I don’t think he is-“ He cut himself off and looked at me with a frown, “Hey are you okay?” I waved him off, feeling my lips wobble a bit. I cleared my throat and frowned, “I need to find him, I’ll go find him-“

Turning around, I ignored him when he called my name and walked off as fast I could. This place did not feel as welcoming as it once did. Any bump against my shoulder made me feel more and more on edge, I didn’t feel safe, I didn’t feel good, I wanted to dig a whole and hide in it. Or build a house only made of walls, no windows, no door so that no one could see me or reach out for me. I wanted to cry, of frustration and dread.

When I finally reached the door and stepped outside, a loud shaky sound left my lips. “Fuck, fuck,” I looked around quickly, making sure there wasn’t anyone around before walking behind a tree big enough to hide my form. When I was hidden, I slid down the rugged tree, and let out controlled breath, trying to calm down. I kept swearing under my breath, not finding anything else to say.

I went to grab my phone and realized I left it in my bag, which meant I had to go back inside. The mere thought sent chills running down my body. I took a few more deep breaths and stood up, tucking my hands in my pockets to hide the fact that I was shaking. When I was about to make my way to the pub once more, I bumped into someone. My heart skyrocketed in my chest, I gasped and stepped back, “Hey, be careful,” The sentence in itself made me feel sick, then I realized it wasn’t the man from before.

I couldn’t see much from how dark it was, but recognized Atsumu Miya’s voice. “Miya,” I let out a breath of relief. Something hit my feet, I looked down, my eyes squinted I understood it was my bag, “Thank you,” I was a lot more relieved than my tone portrayed, but I did not want him to know what was going on.

“What’s up with you?”

I looked up at him, my hands still in my pocket. “What’s up with me? Nothing. What’s up with you?” Please leave me alone, please leave me alone. If you stay here any longer, I’ll break down. I thought, my nose and eyes were starting to sting. I could feel tears coming in.

“You seemed shaken inside, why did you need Bok? He left; you won’t find him.” I never realized he had an accent, unfortunately my mind was not focusing on that. It was focused on the fact that Bokuto wasn’t nearby. My breathing wasn’t getting any calmer.

I did not answer.

Atsumu seemed to be looking for something, then he pulled out his phone and turned on his flashlight and aimed it at me. I squinted my eyes at the sudden brightness and looked away, trying to cover my face. “Hey, don’t- are you okay? You look like you’ve been crying,” He reached out for me and took hold of my hand to uncover my face, pulling his phone away and leading me away from the tree to get the moonlight to help him see and not blind me.

“I don’t know why you needed Bokuto, but I can help you if you need,”

I didn’t move. Glancing at our hands, I squeezed his hand, my actions did not match my words as I said, “Stop being nice, I know you hate me- so just… fuck, look away,” Mid-way through my words, I started crying. I quickly tried to wipe them away, my motions were stopped when Atsumu’s hands pried mine from my face. He then pulled me closer and held me tight.

“I’m not looking, I can’t see much right now it’s pretty dark,” I understood what he meant by that and held his sweater tight then started letting all out. I couldn’t formulate any sentences; all I did was let out all the stress and tension that had gathered inside my body from that one short encounter. When I tried to wipe my tears to not wet his clothes, I heard Atsumu chuckle, “Something fun about playing volleyball is that I genuinely couldn’t give more shit about my clothes being wet, usually it’s sweat though but, I’m not picky.”

I let out a breathy laugh and made it obvious enough that I was purposely wiping my tears on his sweater. “Now that’s a bit too much, I’m not your tissue, am I?” He said jokingly, I shrugged, mumbling against his chest, “Don’t let your dreams be dreams…” It elated a loud laugh from the man, he quickly cleared his throat and calmed down, “Not funny, nope.”

We stayed like this a moment until I calmed down.

I could still hear the muffled sound of the party still going on inside the building, but I felt a lot better now, although embarrassed.

I didn’t want to go back inside, and my friends had left. “I should go home…” I said in a low voice, shocking myself with how little energy there was in it.

“I’ll drop you off,” he said while letting go of me. I hadn’t let go right away and heard him made a confused sound as he was about to wrap his arms around me, I let go and stepped back, my cheeks warming up. “Just like that? No questions?” I was confused and felt like an idiot for breaking down in front of the only person who I thought would laugh at me for doing so. Instead, he was humane.

He was about to talk once more, but I was faster, “I’d imagine you nosy, and curious,” I stated, looking anywhere but at him.

“Yeah? That proves you don’t know me, not that you ever tried.”

“Neither did you, Miya. You think I’m a bitch just because I’m not as loud as your friends, or as easily readable as Hinata. And yet, you get along with Sakusa, can you feel the irony?”

He huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. I sighed and sat on the ground, looking at the sky. “To be honest it’s tiring, it stresses me out to be around you,”

“What?” He sounded utterly confused. I continued, “You know, Bokuto’s an emotional drunk,” I paused, Atsumu agreed. “He cried when you left. I told him you hated me, and he broke down in tears because all he wants is for us to get along,” So do I, I want us to get along. The way Bokuto talked about him made him sound funny, but every time he was around me, he turned sour and just kept being a bitch.

“Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about it and when I followed you and called out your name you just completely ignored me, so there’s that.” I shrugged before wrapping my arms around my knees. I felt Atsumu sit beside me and do the same as me, “I don’t remember that, when was that?” I grimaced, “Yeah, figured. But like, don’t make it sound like you would have listened if you had heard me. You can be real with me and just,” I waved his way, motioning to his entire being, “Drop the fake-niceties. You’re being too civil right now, it looks weird on you,”

I said that, but what I meant is that it weirded me out, more than it looked weird on him. Not having him frowned at all my words, not having him huff all the time, or look mad… it felt strange, and I was not against it. “I’m not a bastard-“ I did not control the snort that escaped my body. Atsumu scoffed, “See! This is why you’re unsufferable!”

“Uh? Excuse me? Who’s the one who keeps assuming shit about the other? Because it’s not me, I’m living my best life and you’re just, constantly mad at me. And you’re assuming wrong shit too? All in all, your vision of me is wrong, and you hate that same vision you built of me,” I fully turned to look at him, my speech getting faster, my tone a bit higher, my frustration growing. “Don’t you understand it’s completely stupid? Don’t you realize you look like an idiot? I’m sure you’d be great company, if you weren’t exactly what you say you’re not: a bastard.”

I pushed his legs, “So to make things clear, because that’s what confuses you and maybe you’re not smart enough to read me: I feel scared, I feel embarrassed and I feel frustrated, all of this at this very moment. I’m not a fucking gold fish, and I’m sure gold fish have emotions too, okay?”

I finally let out a breath I felt like I was holding and met Atsumu’s wide eyes, he was looking at me speechless. He opened his mouth once, closed, twice, closed. Then he hummed. “Whatever, at least act neutral around me, bear through that hate because Bokuto’s sad.” I huffed, about to get up. Before I could, Atsumu pulled me down and looked at me with a worried expression.

“Do I make you that unsafe? I didn’t-“ “It’s not you, it’s…“ I shook my head, deciding against telling me. “All you make me feel is bad about myself,”

The blond frowned, any smile on his face disappearing. “I… didn’t know,”

“Of course, you didn’t! How could you? Your assumption is: the emotionless bitch,” I huffed. My heart was beating faster, for some reason. Letting it all out was one thing, but bearing the consequences of telling him, I was afraid he’d get mad anyway. I knew that talking some sense into him would be hard, but I felt like I went too hard with how he looked.

“Why are you scared then, if not because of me? Are you sure it’s not because of me? I can go-“

I wanted to roll my eyes, but instead I grabbed his sleeve to stop him from leaving, “No, no it’s not you. Your presence is… different than usual, so it’s kind of soothing if anything.” I told him, thinking of how to word it. I couldn’t really tell him that if I ended up alone once again, I’d feel a lot less safe.

His usual cocky tone was back, he did not mention what I told him about his actions but instead said, “It feels like you’re avoiding answering my question though,”

Taking a deep breath, I sighed and looked at him in the eyes, “There was this dude the entire evening, he kept looking at me. I ignored it, because … I’m not interested or anything, but when I tried to go after you, he blocked my path. Then he started making advances, and tried to make out or something, I kicked him in the balls and … all that jazz, then made a run for it.” I explained, adding that that’s why I wanted to find Bokuto. I didn’t want to be alone.

Atsumu’s tone seemed determined as he asked where the guy was, he tried to get up, but I pulled him down with force once more. “Why would you go after him?”

“Oh, you think I’m letting this man go ‘bout his life like that? Fucking asshole,” He started mumbling more insults, his blood boiling. He tried to get up once more, not listening to me. His accent seemed a lot stronger now he had lost his cool, I wanted to laugh but the panic of being alone was stronger.

“Atsumu!! I don’t care if you want to beat his ass-“

“Then let me go!”

I tried to make him understand what I wanted; I gave him an intense look, but he was confused. “I-“ I stopped talking and looked away before letting him go. “Whatever, you’re free to do as you please, go,” I shooed him away. Grabbing my bag to get my phone. Atsumu asked me what I was doing, “I’m calling Bokuto,”

“Why? I told you, he’s somewhere, but-“ I heard the ringtone coming from Atsumu, and gave him a confused look. “He left his phone, so…”

“Great. Fantastic, yeah, well. Have fun proving you’re the alpha or something,” I shrugged. I was acting almost as childish as him right now, but I didn’t want to straight up admit what I wanted.

Atsumu didn’t move. He stayed right where he was, after a few moments he sat back down. “You confuse me, I don’t get what you’re doing,” He stated, looking at me, lost. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at me without blinking.

I only saw his look from glancing his way, but I wasn’t facing him. I spelled it out for him, articulating each word, feeling my throat tighten as I said them, “I don’t want to be alone. Because if he finds me before you find him, I don’t know…” I ended up mumbling the last part.

All that left Atsumu’s lips was an ‘Ah’ before he scooted closer. “Alright, well, as your knight in shining armor I can’t let you down, you know.”

“You’re not a knight, you just have the privilege of being very muscly and intimidating.” I said as I rested my chin on my knees when I brought them to my chest.

The blond was humming, thinking, not replying right away. He did not say much about what happened, and I was thankful for that. I already felt like an idiot for breaking down in front of him out of everyone, so if he had brought it up, I would have died on the spot. But with him next to me, it felt almost relaxing. A lot different than the mood in the car. Almost as if things had slightly cleared up, but I must have been imagining things.

“So, I’m a bastard, muscly, intimidating, very bad at reading people,” As he started listing tings, I was nodding along, saying ‘yes’ until he said the last one, “And hot” “Yes- Wait, I didn’t say that. The other stuff I said, yeah, but not the last one,”

Pointing at me, he grinned, “Haha, you said I was hot, you said it, I heard it, it’s out there now,”

Rolling my eyes, I slowly faced him and observed him a moment, trying to assess what was his deal, “What’s with the change of attitude? Aren’t you supposed to hate me?” I did not mind him being playful, but once again… it was strange, and if he was doing that just because I felt bad, I didn’t need it. Feeling a bit cold, I started rubbing my hands on my arms, still focused on Atsumu.

The man sighed and rested his chin on his fist. Like me he had brought his knees to his chest, but what differed was that he was pouting right now, I was not. “See, I never said I hated you,”

“Perhaps not, but your actions told me otherwise,” Never have I ever felt welcomed in his presence, he made it very obvious he did not like me.

“Hey, your actions are also very much not-lovey, okay?” He said in a defensive tone, I met that tone with a quirked brow. “Is that so? What did I ever do to you Miya?” From what I remembered I acted the same around him that I did around the others. Perhaps a bit colder since I was not friend with the man, but I never disrespected him.

“You make it very obvious you don’t want to be around me!” “How so?”

“You don’t smile, you don’t laugh- the constant glaring, the whispers with Bok- and now I know it’s ‘cause you don’t like me and not ‘cause you’re being emotionless, you made it clear.” He blurted out. It seemed he had that list at the ready, and he needed to let it all out. But I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“So… you act like a little bitch because, according to you, I don’t like you? Because everyone should like you, right?”

“Yes!! People always love me, I’m handsome, funny, a great guy really, but you hate me, it doesn’t make sense, what did I ever do to you?”

Sucking my teeth in, I smacked my lips, “Well, it seems it’s a bit of a misunderstanding.”

“Yeah? What’d’ya mean?” He asked. I smiled to myself, hiding behind my hand as I pondered on how to word it. The first time I saw him, he looked very handsome, that’s why I stared at him. Clearly first impression made the lasting impression… “First, I’ll admit you’re funny. I just don’t laugh as loud as Kou, if we can call that a laugh. I’d say a bark would be more fitting. But I do find you funny, you just need to pay more attention.” I shrugged.

He frowned, “That doesn’t explain the rest!”

“When did I glare at you?” “The day we met! When I told Bok, he said I wouldn’t understand,”

I rolled my eyes, why had he said that to him? For the love of God, he made a bigger deal out of this than it was meant to be. “Yeah? Well, believe it or not, I was checking you out.” I stated, not looking at him.

“You what?” He moved suddenly and was now crouching weirdly next to me, pulling at my leg, literally, to get my attention, “What? You what? You’re kidding right?”

Facing him, I gave him a deadpanned expression, “Do I look like I’m kidding? And while I’m at it, the whispers could have been one of those three things,” I emphasized by raising a finger at each count, “Number one: ‘he’s cute’, number two: ‘Bro where is the food?’ and last but not least, it does vary” I paused, feeling a bit more hurt when saying this one, “Did I say something mean? Why is he looking at me like that? Why does he hate me?”

Before he could say anything, I placed both my hands on the ground and was about to stand up, “Anyway, great talking to you, that’s enough opening up for one night-“ “Hey, no, no, you don’t get to go! We’re making progress,” He gripped my hand and pulled me back before I could fully stand up. I clicked my tongue against my teeth, annoyed, but did not say anything. It was humiliating enough to have told him that, but now I knew it flattered him. His ego was only boosted from this.

“No, because this changes everything!” Dear fuck, no.

Feeling my back ache, I laid on the ground and asked, absentmindedly “Does it, now? How so? You were still a bastard to me, no amount of charm can save that, Miya.” I regretted saying the last part, thinking he would feel even bolder after hearing me tell him he had charm.

There was a silence. A long one.

After a few minutes, Atsumu laid down next to me. “I’m sorry, I thought you hated me for no reason. I clearly misread… Everything… It also ticked me off that you were so stoic all the time… I was trying to get you angry for a good reason, not just because you randomly hated me, you know? Does that make sense?”

To be fair, I didn’t see the logic behind that. I was a bit confused too, but he seemed genuine in his apology. “It makes some sort of sense, albeit being a bit of an immature reaction… Clearly, we started on the wrong foot,” I told him in all honesty.

Both of us were silent for a moment. He was right, it indeed changed everything. This entire time we had known one another, we had acted like assholes for nothing. I wanted to ask him what he wanted to do now that this was cleared up, but I also felt like he wouldn’t care. But he surprised me.

“Do you wanna start over?” I heard Atsumu ask in a somewhat shy voice. I stared at the sky with wide eyes. Had he asked that? I didn’t mind that.

Not really knowing how to do it, I quickly sitting up and looked at his still laying form. “Come on,” I hurried for him to sit up, he did, a bit lost. Reaching out for a handshake, I waited for him to take it, when he did, I told him my full name, “Nice to meet you, I’m Bokuto’s best friend and I really have to pee,”

Atsumu snorted a laugh and shook my hand, “I’m Miya Atsumu, the best volleyball player you’ll ever meet, and I’ll escort you to the bathroom,” chuckling at that, I accepted his offer. He got up and helped me to my feet before telling me to go first. Shaking my head, I told him to go first, “That way you’re my shield and I get to take a look at those cakes,” I said jokingly. Shit, no, no, not that friendly yet, I thought.

He had pulled out his phone at this very moment, his screen lighting his face. I could see the way his cheeks turned pink when I said that. “In a friendly way! Tell me not to do it, I won’t, I was joking,” I said quickly when started walking. Looking over his shoulder, he shook his ass, “Nah look, I don’t go to the gym 4 times a week for nothing,” We both laughed as we made our way inside.

Before we entered the bar, Atsumu stopped dead in his track, making me bump in his back. I swore under my breath and stepped back, looking at him curiously. “Grab my shirt, I’m not losing you in the crowd,” He said seriously. It was sort of cute how he was suggesting this seriously, but I couldn’t help but grin, “Is this like a third-grade school trip? I think I’ll easily find that little mop of yours, among those people, that is if I lose you-“ “And I’ll find yours, which means the bastard will too, okay?”

I was taken aback by his bluntness, but he was right. His reminder made me feel my stomach churn, in the little time I had spent with Atsumu, I had made sure to try to forget about the incident. But I couldn’t just do that, not when the party was still going on. “Okay… sure, but can I instead hold your arm or something, it feels very childish to hold onto your shirt Miya,”

His expression changed from seriousness to bashfulness when he looked away and reach out for my hand, “If you wanted to hold my hand so bad you could have just asked,” He started, adding over his shoulder, “And it’s Atsumu, Miya’s for people who hate me,” He grinned happily. I sped up to be at his pace, “You seem to be too much at ease to switch from hate to flirting, Atsumu,”

His name rolled strangely off my tongue, but I was willing to make the effort. After all, I had a new friend, the least I can do is respect his preferences. His answer was to walk faster, his hand still gripping mine tight. I don’t know why, but I didn’t mind, his stupidly rough hand and his complete change of attitude made him somewhat enjoyable to be around.

As we zig-zagged in the crowd, I felt someone touch my shoulder but didn’t look at it. Only gripping Atsumu’s hand tighter. Instead of reacting out of panic, I thought: it’s alright, it must be an accidental bump, nothing much, people having fun. Then it happened again, it was with more force this time, I had to look around. When I did, I saw the man from earlier, I pulled Atsumu’s arm urgently, earning an annoyed ‘what’ when he turned around.

“Tha’ your frien’? The one tha’ was ignoring you? Mmmm? Where were you goin’ with ‘im?” My heart was in my throat, I felt sick. Insistent people were annoying enough as it was, but add alcohol to the mixt? Awful. They seemed to be even less aware of their action, and a lot more sensitive to whatever was being told to them. I hated it. “Ye bit me,” he went to grab my arm, but I pulled it back before he could, “You’re playin’ hard to get, I like that ‘bout a girl, feisty and all-“ Before I could tell him off, Atsumu stepped forward and punched him.

“That’s for being fucking disgusting,” Was what he said, then punched him again, “That’s for being a creep,” He raised his fist again, I quickly grabbed his hand and lowered it, twisting his arm in a weird angle which force him to stop. “Hey hey hey, it hurts, let go-“ “Can you please stop? Let’s just go,” The man behind Atsumu was being checked by people around, it annoyed the blond, I could see it, but he did not say anything. “Right, bathroom first.” He said as he pushed me towards the bathroom.

I tried to stop him from pushing me, but he kept on doing that until we were in the corridor. “I’ll watch over here, no one’s gonna bother you,” I gave him the semblant of a smile and entered the bathroom. When I did, only a few seconds after did I hear Atsumu’s voice yell that the man he had punched was a bastard who tried to take advantage of someone. I tuned out from his little speech, feeling embarrassed but also, strangely, warm? He was being over the top, but I think he was trying to do something good.

The muffled sound of what was going on outside of this room felt peaceful. I could finally hear my thoughts, hear how fast my heart was beating. Looking up from the sink, I finally saw how bad I looked. I was shaken, my hair more messy than usual, my eyes were glassy. When I glanced at my collarbone, I saw the redness from when the man nipped at my skin. “Gross,” I mumbled as I grabbed some toilet paper, wetted it and added some soap before scrubbing the spot.

Am I overreacting? No, he’s fucking disgusting. He didn’t do much though, but he could have. It’s been so long since some shit like this happened, I can’t make a big deal out of it, it’s stupid- A knock interrupted my thoughts, “Hey you good in there? The water’s been running for a while now, can I come in? I’m coming in-“ I dropped the paper towel in the trash and turned around to look at Atsumu with a bored expression.

“What if I was doing super private? You’re lucky there isn’t anyone else in the stalls, you’d be kicked out,” I said with a short laugh as I grabbed my bag, Atsumu stopped me and looked at me with a frown. “Why are you red?” He asked sternly.

“Maybe it’s an allergy,” I trailed off.

He shook his head, “But it’s not though, you didn’t do that to yourself, right?” “Dear- no no, I didn’t- maybe, kind of but no,” It wasn’t a good enough answer for him. The expression on his face was one I had never seen yet, perhaps had I never paid enough attention, or perhaps had he never shown it to me, but whichever it was, I felt guilty for making him look like this.

“Just the weird dude tried to kiss me or something, I don’t know, a bite, a nip, call it what you want. I didn’t want to see it, so I scrubbed it… It feels gross, I know it’s nothing and you might say I’m overreacting but I feel violated and-“ My breath caught in my throat, I swallowed my saliva and took a few deep breaths to talk down, “And it’s over, so yeah, let’s leave-“

“I wouldn’t say you’re overreacting; I think someone was a real jerk and like, invaded your personal space, and you’re definitely in the right to feel like that, you know? I feel like you don’t need me to feel sorry for you… so uh, you’re strong, and he’s got a big black eye, and he’s pretty lucky I didn’t rip his tongue off,” Atsumu said quickly, his eyes trying to catch mine, but I was playing with my hands, listening to each word leaving his lips.

If someone asked me, I would have said I didn’t need to hear those things. But it would have been a lie. I never would have thought hearing someone else tell me I was feeling something valid would make me feel so relieved. With shaky breaths, I looked up, eyes tearing up and shoved his shoulder playfully, “I was kidding when I said you had to prove you were the alpha or something,” I sniffed and wiped the tears that were threatening to fall, “You’ll be lucky if no one jumps you when we leave, you’re impulsive,”

“He deserved it! And he was ugly, now he’ll have to go home knowing someone so much hotter than him beat him up, and that he lost,” I laughed breathlessly at his words, rubbing the spot on my collarbone absentmindedly. “Well, I think he could have used a bit more kicks in the balls,” I said jokingly.

Nudging my shoulder, Atsumu said, “It can be arranged, you know,”

“Nah, we’re good, let’s just… Leave,” I said that, but I didn’t move. Nor did Atsumu. Someone walked behind us, and we waited until they were done cleaning their hands, and the door slammed behind them, to finally say something. “D’ya got lipstick?” Atsumu asked in hushed whisper, poking my bag.

Quirking a brow in confusion, I rummaged through my bag but didn’t find any. Instead, I found a pink highlighter, I was going to shove it back when Atsumu grabbed it, “That’ll do!” He uncapped it and started coloring his lips, I considered stopping him, but it was very fascinating and a bit funny.

“When’s your birthday? I might buy you one if you think that’s your color,” I said, huffing a laugh. Atsumu motioned for me to wait, a finger raised. I did just that.

When he was done, he handed me the highlighter back. “Stop me if you feel uncomfortable,” He said a bit too suspiciously.

I gave him a nervous smile, then he started leaning in, I leaned back avoiding his face then noticed he wasn’t trying to kiss me. Instead, he went lower and pressed his lips on the redder part of my skin, on my collarbone. I felt my heartbeat speed up but didn’t say anything. He quickly pulled back, wiping his lips on the back of his hand. “There! Now it’s not weird, it’s pretty, and it’s not him, it’s me, I think it’s a great upgrade.”

My cheeks were heating up as I gazed down at the kiss mark on my skin. We could barely see it, but I knew it was there. I could still feel the pressure of his lips against my skin. Tearing my gaze from it, I went to take some paper towel and wetted it, then grabbed Atsumu’s chin and proceeded to wipe his lips properly. “I don’t want you to lick your lip and just- eat the ink like a child- hey stop moving, you did that to yourself.” “You could at least say something!”

When I was done, I threw the paper towel but did not trust my voice to make any sort of coherent sound. Atsumu’s voice however had no problem to spur complete idiocies, “Nooo, don’t go all mute on me, you’re so sexy-“ “Did you really just say that?”

“And I stand by it,” He opened the door and told me to lead the way. The conversation was paused while we made our way outside, the loud music and people made it almost impossible to hear one another. What I could hear was the loud whines of the man at the bar while the bartender was tending to his ‘wounds’ which consisted of one black eye and that’s it. Rolling my eyes, I picked up the pace and exhaled loudly when I reached the outside, fresh air hitting my face instead of gross drunken air.

With Atsumu still behind, I pulled out my phone to look at what he had left on my skin. I pull out the flash to see properly. Idiot… why is it nice… no, no, it’s nothing, it’s just that, nice. Nothing more. Good method to hide the gross ass mark, good for me. Yeah.

“Ah! Soooo you like it so much you’re taking a pic of it? Bring me lipstick next time, I’ll leave an even better mark, maybe two-“ “I’m not taking a picture, I was checking-“ “It out, you were checking it out, because it’s hot, right?”

Maybe. “I think I preferred bastard Miya to loud Atsumu,” I taunted him, hoping he wouldn’t take it wrong. I was caught off guard when he looped his arm around my shoulders, “Nah ye don’t, come on, I’ll get you home,” “Thank God you didn’t say you’d bring me to your place, I would have gagged,” I joked, earning a scoff from the player. He bumped my hips with his, “You know what? It’s actually a great suggestion! I think the night’s just started, maybe we could watch a movie or something?”

My instinct was to refuse his offer. But then again, I would have to stay awake until I got news from Bokuto’s wellbeing, may it be from Kuroo’s phone or a new number if Hinata was still alive. “Don’t you try weird shit, I’m not falling asleep at your place, and it better not be freezing- and also it better not smell-“ “Alright, alright, I get it! My place’s pretty clean ye know? I barely spend time there, how can I dirty it?”

“Right. No weird shenanigans, okay?” Waving me off, Atsumu agreed, telling me it was going to be alright. He unlocked the car and we slipped in, finally surrounded by a comfortable silence.

I let my head hit the back of the seat and exhaled loudly, “How about we go get some food first?”

“Sounds like a plan! You pay for it since I’m paying for the gas of this beautiful baby,” He said as he gently slapped the car door. Giving him an incredulous smile, I said, “Yeah… No, I’m paying for my shit, you pay for yours,”

He threw his hands in an over exaggerated manner, “Fine! But I choose the movie then!”

“I genuinely couldn’t care less of what we’re watching, you do what you want-“ “Wall-E it is,” He started as he started the car, “I think it’s a poetic start to this relationship,”

“Fine by me, I’ve never seen it anyway,” I shrugged as I buckled my seatbelt. I regretted saying this when he looked at me in pure shock and started telling me how it made sense that I made such a bad metaphor.

God was this ride going to be long. But at least, I was no more bathed in tension and feeling the urge to jump off the car. I was feeling pretty content right now, and perhaps Bokuto was right. Perhaps Miya Atsumu was funny and just a little bit cool.

Just maybe.

#haikyu #haikyu x reader #miya atsumu #miya atsumu x reader #fem reader #miya atsumu x fem!reader #fanfiction #AO3 #AO3 physicalturian #writer #writings #ao3 writer #physicalturian #haikyuu #haikyuu miya atsumu #haikyuu x me

59 notes · View notes

nonstoplover · 3 years

Text

accidental reunion ~ joe liebgott (band of brothers)

my masterlist | my hbo war masterlist

pairing: joe liebgott x female reader

short summary: they met in Austria on V-J Day, it was just one night, they still can't forget the other

words: 2.4K

a/n: not gonna say much just that i'd do anything for joe liebgott, even if it includes giving up my whole life

taglist: @how-are-those-nuts-sarge @50svibes @pennyllanne @liebgotttme @nowinnablewar

One fun night on one of Easy's last nights in Austria. With lots of drinks, games, and the company of residents of the small village that was Kaprun who were willing to spend some celebratory time now that the war was actually, finally over.

It was undoubtedly one of the best nights the soldiers had in the past couple years - at least for Liebgott it definitely was. He accidentally bumped into a girl about his age in the small pub when on his way to get a new round of alcohol and then spent the rest of the night with her.

They never shared full names or addresses with each other, all they got to know were mentions of small things dropped by accident. Now Joe's back in San Francisco, back to life in peace and he can't get the girl out of his head. There's nothing he regrets more than not asking for only these basic pieces of information. He let the possibly only good thing that war gave him slip through his fingers.

There's not a day he doesn't think of her. He sees the sparkle of her eyes in the street lights, the colour of her hair in the polychrome autumn leaves, hears her giggle in a random girl's voice on the street that makes him do a hopeful double take only to be left disappointed a moment later. When he's in a pub on a night out, the swirling booze in his glass reminds him of her and that one night they got to spend together. When a young woman gets in his cab with hair similar to hers, his heart always skips a beat as he looks back over his shoulder with sudden high hopes, his eyes always connecting with a pair of orbs that are clearly not hers.

He doesn't even know why he feels this way - he truly doesn't know her after all. Still, it's like in a matter of only a couple hours a connection has been created, one that's about impossible to break. If he believed in soulmates, maybe he'd say that it is just that. But he doesn't.

So he just lets the days pass with the occasional but somehow still almost constant thoughts of the girl. Every other week or when he just has the next day off, he might try to forget about her, find some inner peace with another woman, even though he knows that the next morning he'll wake up with her first name on the tip of his tongue just the same.

(y/n), on the other side of the planet tries to go on with her life after the war - she truly does. But still, it feels like there's nothing left for her in Austria anymore. Everything's changed. The village, the people living there, even her own perspective and thoughts on life has changed. Enough to help her make the decision of moving to the United States.

To her family she says it's only because of the seemingly endless opportunities there, in the process trying to convince even herself that it's not because of the fluffy brown haired paratrooper she met on the night of V-J Day.

Of course it's not because of him, all she knows about the young man is that his first name is Joe, that his fellow soldiers called him Lieb or something like that once or twice throughout the night, that he wanted to be a cab driver back in America, and that he was from San Francisco. It's nowhere enough information to give up her whole life and start a completely new one on the opposite side of the world.

Still, somehow it is enough for her, and it also gives her a starting point when six months after they first - and by far last - met she appears in the enormous American city all by herself, all her life packed up in two suitcases she drags behind herself, heart beating frantically as she eyes the buildings and hears the unimaginable street noise around her. To say she's anxious is an understatement - hell, she doesn't even speak English that good.

After the first and most important things are settled - a place to live in, a job to earn money with -, she's unable to stop herself and flips the telephone book up and calls a few of the cab companies around the city, trying to ask about him. But seemingly there are too many Joe's around who are driving taxis, and after the fourth or fifth unsuccessful try that leaves her feeling all stupid and naive she gives up.

She tries hard to fit in, makes friends at work and with the two girls she's rented the room she's now living in from, spends every evening improving her knowledge of the language. The more time passes, the better she feels - and the more she feels like she belongs -, though the feeling of missing something from her life never goes away. The feeling of missing somebody, to be more precise.

About two months later one day she oversleeps and is in a hurry to get to work in time so she decides to catch a cab instead of her usual choice of travelling by public transport. Almost practically falling down to the seat as she scrambles inside, she's already saying the address whilst also trying hard to catch her breath - she can only hope the driver can understand her panting words.

She closes her eyes, pressing her palm to her forehead and focusing on slowing her heartbeat back down to normal. Only half a minute passes though before she leans back in her seat and lets her eyelids open again, and her glance subconsciously falls on the cab driver.

Silently examining his features from diagonally and behind she can't help but feel a weird feeling tingle in her chest, as if her whole existence has suddenly found something familiar. Her eyes move back up on his profile, on the elegant line of his nose and the way a strand of brown hair has delicately fallen in front of his forehead.

"Joe," the name she still hears in her sleep every night leaves her lips in an almost breathless, subconscious whisper.

Then the next moment his head whips around - so fast that she can't help but worry he'll have whiplash - and the oh so familiar eyes connect with hers.

"(y/n)?" Comes the equally disbelieving, quietly muttered answer from him.

He remembers her.

Suddenly all the frustration of leaving her home behind and moving across the world, all the frustration of trying to find him feels worth it. She's found him. Or has he found her? It was most likely fate bringing the two back together, giving them one last chance to see what they would do.

"What are you doing here?" Joe exclaims excitedly, his glance moving back and forth frantically between the road in front of him and her face.

"I moved here," (y/n) shrugs.

"You what?"

She only giggles in response to his reaction - she's too overwhelmed with happiness to actually say something.

"It's good to see you," he admits, mentally adding that it's not only good, more like the best thing that has ever happened to him. He knows he can't just attack her like that, she probably didn't move here because of him anyway so he keeps his mouth shut to keep these thougths in.

"You too," she beams at him in the rear-view mirror before quietly adding one more thought, mainly to herself. "By now I thought I'll never find you."

And just like that the previous thought almost fully disappears from his mind, his breath hitching in his throat. "You tried to find me?" Joe asks with a smug grin on his face, one that's supposed to hide the swirl of his true and not at all like him emotions.

"Well, yeah, of course," the girl shrugs sheepishly, earning a joyous hum from him as a wordless reply.

For a couple long seconds they stay in silence, both of them deep in their thoughts as their minds try to process the sudden emergence of the other. Some previously never felt tension rises slowly in the air of the car, suddenly neither knows what to say or what to do. What they've been dreaming about for more than half a year now has just come true - and they weren't ready for it.

"Where're you going?" Joe speaks up again to break the quiet. "I mean, why are going there, 'cause I know where you're going."

This earns him a mental slaps from himself for behaving so stupid. What is he doing? Why is he like this? Where's his usual confident cockiness?

"Work."

Maybe it was worth it, coming here just to see him again, but there's no guarantee that he hasn't found someone else by now - even if he does remember her - or that he would even want to see her again after today. Doubt reappears in her mind, keeping her from speaking her mind and ask him about all the things she's been dying to ask him ever since that night back in Austria.

"When did you arrive here?"

"Two months ago."

"Sorry if I'm asking too much, I'll stop," Joe glances at her in the mirror, taking her reserved, short answers wrong, thinking that she just doesn't want to talk with him.

"No, no, it's fine!" (y/n)'s quick to reassure, eyes opened wide. "I should be the one apologising for not answering more or asking back. I'm just- ugh, I don't know. I've been thinking about this moment for so long that now I'm scared it's just a dream again. I don't want to get too empathized in case I'll only wake up in my bed again."

"This is real life, I swear," Joe chuckles - her words have managed to calm him down again. He lets go of the steering wheel with one hand and reaches back above the car seat - nothing but a simple signal towards her.

Mindlessly holding back her breath she raises a hand of her own and lets her skin bump into his for a short moment before daringly fully wrapping her fingers around his. An immediate smile takes over his features as he loosens into her touch.

"See? It's not a dream," he grins to himself, thumb moving over the back of her hand in soft small caresses.

"I'm glad it isn't," (y/n) giggles and Joe lets out a chuckle himself.

Before they could truly let go and enjoy the drive to the fullest, he pulls over outside a building that (y/n) realises as her work place when finally looking out the window.

Swiftly letting go of his hand she starts rummaging through her reticule to find her purse. When she pulls out the proper banknotes and tries to push them in his palm, he just shakes his head and moves his hand back to the steering wheel.

"You don't have to," he shrugs. "Take it as a welcome in San Francisco gift."

"Thank you," she mumbles with flushing cheeks before collecting her things and moving to get out of the cab.

She closes the door already when the sudden realisation hits her - she still doesn't know either his full name or his address, or anything for real.

Her hand rises almost on its own and her knuckles rap a fast rhythm against the glass next to the front seat. Joe's eyes are already on her as he scoots closer to roll down the window.

"I just wondered if I could have your phone number," she blurts out before she could think twice leaning down so her head pops back into the car.

With a raise of an eyebrow and a teasing smirk sitting upon his lips he nods in acknowledgement. "For the better part of this past minute I've been trying to find the courage to ask for your number."

(y/n) can feel the blood rush to her cheeks as she realises how truly straight-forward she's acted, but before she can raise a hand to hide her face in utter embarrassment, Joe starts moving around inside the car, and only a second or two later he retrieves his hand with a pen in-between his fingers. With his free hand he reaches out to gently grab her wrist and pulls it fully inside, pushing the material of her coat and long-sleeved blouse up towards her elbow.

Then he scribbles something on her soft skin, hissing whenever the pen doesn't want to write and he has to press the point of it deeper into her arm even though he really wouldn't want to hurt her even the slightest bit.

"There you go," his glance moves back up to her face when he finishes, winking at her.

(y/n) bites back a giggle before straightening back up, pulling out of the cab fully.

"See you later, Joe," she smiles at him one last time before turning around and rushing inside the building - the pinkness of her cheeks and the not erasable, wide smile on her face being true proofs of her emotions.

Later, when she's finally at her desk, coat removed and body gently slumping into the chair, her eyes catch sight of the writing again and she finally takes a better look at it. There's a phone number, completed with a simple Joe Liebgott and a don't you dare not call me under it.

A soft giggle escapes (y/n)'s lungs as she reads the last line, shaking her head in happy disbelief whilst also wondering how he could write so much in such a short time and without her even noticing. She must've been too entranced by the sparkling of his eyes, the way that one strand of hair fell and bounced in the air and how he - probably subconsciously - stuck the tip of his tongue out past his lips in concentration.

Then with a blissful sigh she lowers her arm again, eyes staring out of her head, looking at nothing in particular - instead picturing his face again inside her mind.

"Liebgott," she mutters to herself, tasting the name rolling down her tongue. She finally knows his name.

.::the end::.

my masterlist | my hbo war masterlist

[wanna be added to my taglist?]

125 notes · View notes

chouetteffraie · 4 years

Text

The Inherent Romanticism of Headpats - Why Ship Dazatsu

I was scrolling through the dark corners of bsd tumblr and came across a few “Why I Ship (blank)” posts and thought I’d like to try and articulate my unending love for dazatsu in a similar fashion! Please note that I am in no way trying to steal the spotlight from other ships or trying to claim that dazatsu is “better” - it’s just my favorite and I wanna talk about them! Also, I physically cannot talk about them without a shipper’s bias - I’ve had them in my heart since like late 2016. This is ingrained into my spirit.

So, without further ado, let’s talk about why I ship dazatsu (and why you should too). yes i’m kidding about that last part.

warning for manga spoilers and headers that would make amazing fic titles. tag me if you use one. manga pictures taken from dazaiscans and easygoingscans.

1. The Promise to be Good

hehehe let’s start with maybe the most obvious one that is, arguably, the most canon fact about these two. Just because I choose to view it as romantic doesn’t mean it IS - but it is certainly a beautiful aspect of their relationship and yes it makes me soft every time I think about it.

We all know Dazai’s past and what inspired him to make the switch from the Port Mafia to the side that saves people - Odasaku. No matter what you say, it’s obvious that Oda and Dazai have a very close, meaningful relationship - and arguably, Odasaku had the biggest impact (and the most importance?) in Dazai’s life. When Oda told Dazai to leave the Port Mafia, to go make something beautiful with his life - he did. And it’s those words alone that keep him motivated to stay in his job and help protect the city - because he loves it, maybe, but because someone he loves urged him to.

Dazai, despite what his strange poetry may make you believe, is only human. As much as those words mean to him, he gets discouraged.

Along comes Atsushi, the starving tiger boy by the river. Atsushi is an orphan parallels to oda saving the orphans already, and he was in dire need of someone to save him. So, Dazai did. Whether it was because of the tiger or Odasaku’s last words, Dazai saved Atsushi and gave him life. He provided food, shelter, a means to provide for himself - even companionship. Everything Atsushi has, it started with Dazai picking him up off the riverbed and lugging him along. What’s more, Dazai didn’t just turn him over to somebody else - he presented a case to Fukuzawa to keep him and serves as his mentor. Further along in the canon story, he provides Atsushi with the emotional guidance that he needs (Portrait of a Father, anyone? Let’s cry over that for a second.) He doesn’t just give Atsushi a moment’s care - he helps him build himself up, he supports him, and together, they protect the people of Yokohama.

Atsushi is living, breathing proof that Dazai is living up to his promise to be a good man. Even better, he seems to be perfectly happy with confirming that yes, Dazai is good, whenever Dazai needs it.

In this way, they complete each other. They provide a source of comfort that nobody else has been able to. Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he is doing the one thing he wants to do, more than anything - be what Odasaku wanted.

2. You Saved Me, We Save Each Other

Keeping that in mind, Atsushi is sort of Dazai’s reward for being good. Now, I’m not implying Dazai is owed Atsushi at all - to an extent, you could argue Atsushi is maybe even too good for Dazai. But Dazai is trying to be a good man, and Atsushi is the one who tells him and reaffirms his efforts and gives him that praise, that recognition, that reward for being good. Dazai’s main inspiration to stay on the light(er) side is Odasaku - but that doesn’t mean that Atsushi can’t become another huge driving force that makes Dazai want to stay on that path. Oda motivates him, gives him the reason to start. Atsushi can be the prize that makes trying worth it when he tends to forget.

Atsushi saves Dazai. He saves him from his self-doubt, and from the world that gives him every reason to believe he has failed in his promise. If anything, that promise might be Dazai’s strongest lifeline. By reinforcing the line, Atsushi is saving Dazai.

And of course, Dazai saves Atsushi. He did literally save him by the river, and he helps teach Atsushi how to Not Die by virtue of being his mentor, but it’s more than that. Dazai has been the one to save Atsushi from his own mind time and time again. He provides a reason for Atsushi to believe he has (or is) earned/earning the right to live. Atsushi isn’t entirely over his desire to prove himself worthy - but Dazai is always the one to tell him that he has succeeded in his goal. Dazai is the one to say “You’ve proven yourself. You deserve the life you’re living.”

3. You Learn Something New Every Day

As Atsushi’s mentor, Dazai naturally teaches Atsushi things. But beyond the simple strategic battlefield lessons, Dazai has been there for Atsushi multiple times to help him address and begin to overcome his trauma. Sure, some efforts are worse than the others (dazatsu stans just wipe our memories of the train station scene and that’s valid and sexy of us i think.) But in times when Atsushi is clearly distressed, Dazai has been there to help him through it. He’s helped Atsushi sort through his grief, and he’s helped Atsushi start to see that his feelings are valid and that he’s allowed to live a fulfilling life.

Atsushi isn’t the only one learning, though! That’s one of the best parts of the ship - Atsushi teaches Dazai, too. Dazai has spent a long time feeling as though nobody will understand him intimately, or as deeply as Odasaku did. But Atsushi is getting there. He’s one of the closest to it, I think. From saying things like Dazai is a good man, to picking up on Dazai’s feelings at Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, and even the end scene when Dazai asked Atsushi directly if he thought he was a good person and Atsushi said without hesitation “Sure, why?” Atsushi teaches Dazai that he is human. He teaches Dazai that he is capable of feeling and forming close, intimate connections. They help the other learn about the areas they need to, and in both cases, they’re becoming patient teachers and prized pupils.

4. I’ll Listen When Nobody Else Will

Everybody knows how Dazai is often brushed off when talking about dying. People have brought up that the agency just has faith in his resilience, but that doesn’t meant that they aren’t acting without care towards Dazai. Atsushi does this too - in the very first episode, Dazai’s attempt at suicide is just taken with him being exasperated at his antics before pushing him down. But here’s the thing - it’s generally agreed upon that Atsushi is the one who is sent out to find Dazai. Atsushi is the one who knows where to find him. Arguably, Atsushi is the one that will listen to Dazai. He’s becoming the one who can not only pick apart Dazai’s mannerisms and slightest tells - he isn’t proficient, but he’s working on it - but he’s the one that treats them with care.

I’ve spent a lot of time noting similarities between the understanding Atsushi has of Dazai to the understanding Dazai’s truest friend had to him. Here’s one thing that separates Oda from Atsushi, and for me, it’s one of the major reasons why I personally ship one more than the other: Odasaku didn’t push Dazai the way Atsushi does. Both Oda and Atsushi have a way of laying out a field for Dazai to talk and bounce his thoughts off of, no matter how cryptically they come out. But Atsushi asks questions, he prods at the darkest corners of Dazai and he allows Dazai to question himself so he can continue to grow. Where Oda gave Dazai a place to feel comfortable in where he was, Atsushi gives Dazai a space to feel comfortable as he grows, which is what he needs in order to continue being a good man.

And please note, this isn’t me saying dazatsu or Atsushi is better than odazai or Odasaku. What I mean to say is this is where the difference lies, and Atsushi gives Dazai what he needs now - something he might not have needed without Odasaku’s urging to leave.

5. Guiding Light

When two characters are each other’s north star, where is there not romance? Dazai is very much Atsushi’s main source of guidance, a side effect of being his mentor for sure - but it’s more than just asking questions. Their relationship runs deep into Atsushi’s train of thought, to the point where Atsushi hallucinates Dazai’s presence when he feels uncertain. Any time Atsushi needs guidance or reassurance, he looks to Dazai.

This is more shipper goggle-y, but I like to believe Atsushi does the same for Dazai. I’ve said over and over again that above all else, Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he is being good. I also like to think that Atsushi, in a way, is a ray of light for Dazai to follow. He’s selfless (although for some reasons that deserve to be readjusted), he’s kind, and he loves life - all life. He’s a sunbeam in action that provides a perfect example for what Dazai could be and is trying to be - and if this light is happy with keeping Dazai close, maybe there’s hope for him after all.

6. What Makes Life Worth Living

Atsushi and Dazai are opposites in once major aspect: Atsushi has a sort of reverence for life, whereas Dazai craves to escape it. These are two major points of their characters - but here’s the kicker. Dazai wants to get close to human emotion. He wants to understand what makes life worth living. Atsushi is quite possibly the strongest candidate to show him what he can do and how loving life can help. I’m not saying that Atsushi is Dazais’ fix-it-all elixir, but he has a good chance to gently prod at Dazai and get him thinking.

Atsushi can show Dazai what makes life worth living. And that’s something that I think would do Dazai a world of good.

7. Can I Change for the Better?

ATSUSHI! INSISTS! DAZAI! IS! GOOD! I will not ever diminish this point because it is so important! Dazai seems to have it in his head that his blood is mafia black, that he can play the charade of a good man but will never be more than an actor playing a part. Atsushi, though - Atsushi is constantly telling him that he is good. Atsushi, who probably couldn’t keep up a lie for that long because the poor boy has zero tact. Dazai even asks Atsushi frequently if he’s a good person, and Atsushi always says yes. Atsushi gives Dazai what he needs to hear.

Atsushi, however, has his own issues. He has his own trauma to tackle, and his own bad habits to reform to become a better person. Atsushi isn't’ a bad person, but he also isn’t the best version of himself. Dazai can help him become that. Dazai can give him the guidance he needs, as he did with sorting through his grief surrounding the headmaster. Dazai can help Atsushi start the battle against his past, and he has been there with him every step of the way, whether in body or spirit. They help each other be better.

8. I Trust You With What I Love Most

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again - the toast they added to the end of season 3 is one of the most tender moments Dazai has ever had with anybody. One thing Dazai never does is let people in on his past - not past the necessary details, anyway, and especially not the intimate moments he holds in his heart. But sharing that toast with Atsushi - inviting him in to the toast he shared with Oda and Ango, “To the stray dogs,” - it’s one of his most vulnerable times on screen. I don’t care what you say. Dazai deliberately letting Atsushi in, giving him this tiny piece of his past he’s had tucked away in a safe place - that was him offering up a piece of his heart. I’m soft just thinking about it again.

Other than that, Dazai has an enormous faith in Atsushi. He’s built entire plans trusting that Atsushi will do his job perfectly the way it needs to be done. Hell, towards the end of the Guild arc, it was his faith in Atsushi to bring the doll down to him that convinced Twain they were beat. Not to mention, Dazai has trusted Atsushi enough to form a new partnership without him in order to protect the city - and if that’s not one of the most blatant displays of trust and faith you’ve seen, I don’t know what is.

9. There’s a Softness Within Me I Didn’t Know I Had

Another thing that’s good for Dazai - Atsushi is comfortable. Dazai can let his guard down, just a tiny bit, around Atsushi, There was the graveyard scene in Dead Apple, or the toast scene at the end of season 3 - those are moments where Atsushi has given himself a moment to relax and show Atsushi how proud he is. This kind of emotion, this vulnerability that says ‘I’ve been hoping you’d pull through and look at how amazing you’ve become’ - there’s a softness that holds that Dazai doesn’t hold for anybody else. It’s a gentleness or pride, of trust, of somebody becoming more than you could ever imagine and coming back to you, even thanking you - it’s a sensation nobody else has given Dazai, because nobody else has been a protege as trustworthy and gentle as Atsushi.

(and, believe me, there’s a hundred other examples of the softness in the anime, manga, official art, and so much more. here’s a thread that you can still add to if you want)

Atsushi is also soft with Dazai. He wants to make him proud, sure, but there isn’t any fear once their job is done. Atsushi doesn’t have to fear horrible repercussions if he makes one misstep - Dazai allows him to learn, to grow, and to feel however he seems fit (or, it’s a skill he’s improving at as the series goes on.)

They give each other a safety to feel vulnerable. They are comfortable to each other. And, of course, they have a special softness for the other that they do not hold for anybody else.

10. My Mistakes are the Cracks You Have a Knack for Fixing

Again, Atsushi is always there to reassure Dazai that he can be a good man. One part of this is that he insist that Dazai’s past doesn’t have to affect his future. He’s one of the only people who tells Dazai that he doesn’t hold him accountable for what he’s done before - he’s Dazai-san now, and that’s what matters to Atsushi. Atsushi gives Dazai the most space to fix these mistakes, to move past them, and to learn from them, not holding them against him at all.

In the same way Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he’s being a good man, he is also Dazai’s proof that he can fix the mistakes he made. (Of course, I’m not excusing the way he strings anybody along - but the first step to fixing a mistake is admitting you have made one and working on yourself, and that’s what Atsushi allows him to do.)

In conclusion, I think Dazatsu is so soft and amazing because it’s about the healing and acceptance. BSD is all about gray morality, and dazatsu is a soft ship that can take each other’s bad and accept them. It’s not only about seeing the darkest side of somebody - it’s about accepting those flaws but also giving them space to grow. They grow and they learn and they heal together. They ensure that the other never has to go through a drastic change alone. In a way, they can be home for the other, a refuge from the shitty cards life has dealt them and a steady lifeline to reach for a better tomorrow. That’s why I love dazatsu - because I can’t see another situation with nearly as much love and trust as they have. They are tender, they can be vulnerable, and they can heal.

Like the beautiful sunset hours the met in, they celebrated in, they console each other in, they allow the other to turn the page on their past and start anew, with a clean canvas for a dazzling display that they can make together.

770 notes · View notes

shirtlesssammy · 3 years

Text

Anger and Love

I can tell you this. I still hurt over the ending of this show and the reasons roll into each other, like tangled yarn tossed in a bin. (In this metaphor, I am the bin.)

Castiel

The BURY YOUR GAYS trope. My GOD when will this show learn. (The answer is never. Never, because it’s over.) In 15x18 Cas confesses his love and then dies. Guess who else dies in this episode? Charlie and Stevie! The writers said, “Who will hurt the most to lose? Ah, yes. Charlie in the new and terrified bloom of love.” We can ASSUME that Charlie and Stevie come back, but we don’t get to see it or hear about it. And we get the barest throwaway line that Cas comes back in 15x20, but not seeing him physically return after over a decade on the show feels like a blow that just won’t stop.

More EMOTIONS below the cut.

On Thursday, I said to Boris that it would have been better if we’d never been tossed that crumb about Cas’s love. Why give us this FEAST and then take it away like Chuck poofing away a dog? Many people have pointed to network cowardice, and that’s certainly a possibility. Some people have put forth the theory that exposing Cas’s love for Dean was simply a season-ending ratings move. Either of those could be true, or some mix of them. Listen, I can spin myself around that stupid knot for days and we’ll probably never get the whole story. Instead, I have to look at the core of what Castiel coming out means for me. And the truth of it is, it means A LOT. It means I love him a whole lot more. Cas is mine, he’s ours, he’s one of us. And I’m angry as hell at how it went down, but I’m still glad we got Cas’s side of the story. I have a pride pin on the lapel of my Cas trench, and it’s never felt more perfect.

So I’m angry, but I’m also incredibly glad. Ugh. Knots.

Boris: We’ll never know what actually went down during the production of this season and the hiatus changes or the show’s narrative arc, but I have to believe that Robert Berens was given some kind of go ahead and planned for a lovely and beautiful ending for Dean and Cas. That his story was taken from him at the end (much like Wayward’s eventual ending), is so unfair. Because Cas’s story wasn’t completed. Dean and Cas’s story will forever float out there for us to ponder. Like Natasha, I will cling to Cas’s confession and see it as a beautiful coming out moment for a character I love very much. I’ll be forever despondent that we didn’t see Dean’s story play out on our televisions.

Dean

I didn’t come out as bi to more than three people until my late 30’s. It was something I was first in denial about, and then it just seemed “not relevant” for a large swath of my life (married for 18 years now). Talking about that with my family and friends surprised me - how relieved I felt. How free. As I was working through this, I was also slipping into Supernatural fandom, and watching a show where Dean COULD BE bi. Reader, I projected myself right onto Dean Bean. Maybe he was like me. Clueless, then in denial, then thinking that part of himself irrelevant. So giving us Cas without Dean, given the scenes we watch on the show, feels like a personal affront. I know I’m projecting here, so I’ll acknowledge those feelings and move on to the next…

I am also PISSED about Dean’s story. All his life he’s been “daddy’s blunt instrument” and ready to die bloody on a hunt. It’s spoken about so often that we think surely - at the end - we’ll subvert that. SURELY he’ll survive. The last couple of seasons, he’s fighting for control - freedom from Michael, freedom from Chuck. He finally achieves that freedom and then loses everything anyway. There are no rewards on Earth. He died solving one last case from John’s journal. Daddy’s little soldier to the end. It’s disgusting to me to take this beautiful, complex character who is textually SO FULL OF LOVE and then take a pass on imagining what he might do with a real life on earth. It’s lazy writing, used for a cheap, fast, emotional reaction. The more I unpack Dean’s fate against the rest of the series, the angrier I get.

Boris: I think so many of us confused and discovering things about ourselves later in life see Dean as a character that matters. His story, had it been told fully, would have mattered. I don’t buy his death or his peaceful afterlife. It’s still too raw to process because he deserves happiness in life!

Billie

“I know Supernatural has a history of killing off characters of color,” I told people, “but Billie’s a main character now!” W O W 15x18 is the kick that keeps on kicking. I did actually enjoy Billie’s arc quite a bit, but losing her still makes me angry, in the broader context of the show.

Women

“Supernatural isn’t great with women,” I said. “But we have Mary now! And Billie!” Please picture me as Olaf when I say. “Mary DIES. Billie DIES. Only sad men remain.” Sure, we get some throwaway lines. We know Donna’s alive in 15x20 because of the call to Dean’s phone. Actually, scratch that, we know someone talked to Donna…because this show didn’t want to address that literally no other hunter knew about or mourned Dean’s death so they had a random stranger call Dean’s “Other other phone” for help. Great. Now I’m mad about Dean again.

We can probably blame some of how the final episode shakes out on COVID. Presumably, the final scene in Heaven would have been a party with Mary, the roadhouse crew, original Charlie, maybe Eileen? Kevin? etc etc. Instead, it’s an empty, lonely end on screen.

Which brings me to Eileen. Sam’s romance was laid out carefully throughout season 15, so what the fuck happened here? We assumed we’d at least get some confirmation that Sam ends up with the woman he brought back from the dead and then dated as recently as a couple episodes ago. Instead, there is literally NOTHING. No attempt is made to say that Eileen’s the one Sam ends up with other than his son having dark hair. There are no family portraits. No sign language to the faceless mother by the house. (Standing in a floral dress, like a good housewife.) Is she dead? Did Sam end up with someone else? Even without dialogue, there are ways to show Eileen’s presence that weren’t used. I’m so angry that she was an element of the season and then…hand waved away as irrelevant. The faceless wife MY GOD, SHOW.

Boris: Yikes, I cynically see the reason to not include Cas in the end because homophobiaTM but to not even give us Eileen and Sam? Clearly, they wanted to erase every person that mattered to the brothers from the end. Ugly.

Heaven

The funny thing is that I’m constantly trying to write a “happy eternity in a now-free Heaven” in my own fan fiction. If anyone should like 15x20 it should be me! I’m always trying to argue that it isn’t major character death, because their souls are infinite and now free, blah blah blah. So ultimately, my problem isn’t with peace in Heaven. It’s with Dean’s EARLY DEATH, and how empty Heaven feels. How desolate and devoid of life. Dean leaves the Roadhouse and drives alone until finally Sam dies and joins him. It reads like the ultimate fuck you to the “family don’t end in blood” storyline. If COVID filming got in the way of filling Heaven with life, then we have all suffered a great loss. It should feel ecstatic and full of community. Instead, it just feels wide and lonely.

Ultimately, boiling the season finale into an intimate portrait of brothers should work on paper. It SHOULD, but the show leaves so much unsaid and unshown about the community and family they’ve built along the way, and tells us to be happy with the scraps we’ve gotten instead. It tells us they were never that important, in the end.

The Future

I’m still going to watch the show. I’m still going to enjoy the show and the characters. There are reasons I have watched all along, and they don’t have anything to do with needing the show wrapped up in a neat bow. I’m angry with Supernatural’s conclusion, because I love it. And I’m okay with that.

Boris: I love this show so much, and I know I’ll continue to love it. I need time to lick my wounds and forget about this episode. This show is about the characters and the journey and that’ll never end.

#spn spoilers #supernatural season 15 #spn 15x20 #carry on #spn 15x19 #inherit the earth #spn 15x18 #despair #spn thoughts #about us

132 notes · View notes

coffeeandcalligraphy · 3 years

Text

Something Held | Feeding Habits Update #8

Hi all!

Not me not realizing it’s been 3 months since I posted a Feeding Habits update hahahahahaha. Today let’s chat chapter nine, SOMETHING HELD. This also marks the last chapter in Harrison’s POV so prepare to say goodbye to this icon! TW: body horror, mental illness, trauma

Just a reminder: This is my original work and plagiarism of any form will not be tolerated.

Scene outline, excerpts & a little reflection on making difficult decisions that my not particularly benefit the book but benefit you as the writer under the cut because this update is GIGANTIC.

General taglist (please ask to be added or removed):

@if-one-of-us-falls, @qatarcookie, @chloeswords, @alicewestwater, @laughtracksonata, @shylawrites, @ev–writes, @jaydewritesfiction, @jennawritesstories @eowynandfaramir, @august-iswriting, @aetherwrites

Scene Breakdown

Scene A:

It has been two weeks since Lonan found Harrison at his shared apartment with Suzanna and things are getting strange. Lonan and Suz are getting closer, Harrison is getting more distant and slowly losing it. One morning, Harrison wakes hearing Lonan and Suz’s laughter, and crawls to the kitchen to investigate. When he reaches them, Suz is evening out Lonan’s hacked haircut and they’re both sobbing.

Scene B:

Shortly after this bizarre encounter, Suzanna steps out of the apartment for a breather because her son is sort of terrifying her! So Lonan and Harrison double-team to clean up Lonan’s hair shavings. Harrison begins eating the hair while Lonan stares and they have a conversation about the state of their friendship.

Scene Ba:

This scene is gross and confusing! More hair is ingested. My god.

Scene Bb:

After the above ordeal, both boys rinse off because they’ve been rolling?? around?? in??? hair?? but also?? things don’t stop being a little gross

Scene C:

An air of calm finally settles over the apartment. Lonan brews earl grey tea for him and Harrison to share and Harrison asks if he abandoned Lonan in the final chapter of Moth Work. Lonan doesn’t really answer this question so Harrison continues on his confused, but finally lucid (one-sided) conversation, admitting he understands he burdens his mother, who still has not returned. They circle back to the question of abandonment and Lonan answers Harrison the way he wants to be answered (yes), and this is a moment of freeing, where he feels some sort of responsibility in this irresponsible new life he’s led in NYC. They sort of agree to be friends again.

Scene D:

The boys head into the city to find Suzanna, heading to a bakery near the Hudson River. Lonan drives in his used car, a strange experience since Harrison has not seen him drive in years. Taking the opportunity, he searches through the car and finds a map in the glove compartment. The map is erratically scribbled over and it takes him to moment to realize this is Lonan’s map and the first indication that Lonan, who he has assumed is this stable, perfect person, is not as unscathed as he seems.

The boys pass the waterfront and Lonan nearly crashes the car into an oncoming truck. Harrison regains control of the vehicle tucking them into a side street. Shaken, Lonan apologizes for the mess he’s created both physically from his nosebleed and between Harrison and his mother, which gets Harrison a little antsy because he doesn’t like the suggestion that he’s going to leave. Lonan clarifies, stating he won’t if that’s what Harrison wants.

Scene E:

Later, everyone is back at home and Harrison wakes up to a Lonan-less bed. He gets up to investigate the strange dripping coming from the bathroom and opens the door to find Lonan precariously teetering over a sink filled with water. Harrison, concerned, moves him away and tries to ask why Lonan is presumably going underwater, but doesn’t push. They both stand on opposite sides of the bathroom until the sun rises.

My process:

Honestly, writing this chapter was a huge up and down. The first half of it came much easier to me, but the rest was a literal hellfire to get through. I think I was incredibly fatigued with writing in Harrison’s POV as I’d been writing it since June (I finished this chapter in either December or January). This book has been a pain in the ass to write despite me liking what it is, and I really think it being the only place I’ve physically “gone” since the pandemic makes it even harder to write. I felt claustrophobic in Harrison’s POV since I’ve been writing it for half a year, and in a lil ~breakdown~ my beautiful sister reminded me of something she’d previously told me, “it's not about what works, it's about what you want”.

Let’s chat about this for a sec! I think I was watching a Harmony Nice video on her “hard-to-swallow” self-care, and she basically outline (I’m paraphrasing here) that it’s critical we care for ourselves in ways that might not necessarily be easy to do. Honestly, leaving Harrison’s POV is one of those hard-to-swallow self-care things I literally had to do because my mental health was not happy with me! Y’all know my boys are very close to me, and I’m not picking favourites but Lonan is 2500 times easier for me to write with at the moment. I think Harrison’s situation and how he deals with it is much too similar to mine but in a way that is difficult to place (Lonan and I are unfortunately similar but in a way that is easier for me to understand about myself!). From the beginning of writing his POV I’ve been in Struggleville, but kept pushing through hoping the next chapter would be “the one”. Not to burst my own bubble but there is no such thing in the state of mind I was in! I was pushing myself to find something that doesn’t exist because my brain was really not equipped to do what I needed it to do. I really, really did not want to quit on Harrison’s POV, but I had to, not because I don’t like him (he’s my baby) but because I needed a moment to myself. I felt way too seen in ways I don’t really know how to address in myself, so writing him was horribly frustrating at all times (my fault, not his).

My characters really do live in my head rent-free lol. They live in there! They take up space! They take up energy! They take up concentration, and resources I need for myself! Empathy is so integral to my process, that I give a little part of myself in everything I write. This is a blessing because I really get to dig my heels into the mind of another person, but a curse because I’m not a machine (and sometimes I forget that). It is a lot of emotional energy and labour to give everything you have to fictional people. I don’t think an artist needs to be tortured to create good art (this is not it!) but I never truly practiced this well? In my attempt to be empathetic, I was torturing myself a little bit, not going to lie!

So to combat this, I decided I needed a change. Hence, this chapter is imperfect and probably needs some stuff added to it, and while I’ve only written little of Lonan’s second POV, I’m feeling a lot better! It’s nice to get “outside” in a different place lmao this is so sad (pandemic writing things).

Excerpts:

I wrote the beginning of this in a livestream I hosted on my YouTube channel! There’s also a shoutout here to my dragon tree Lisa <3 miss u boo

Two weeks go by. Lonan sleeps on the couch. Harrison wakes up at dawn—no earlier, no later. Suzanna buys a plant: a Madagascar dragon tree she names Lisa. June grows into the collar. Lonan plays sudoku in the newspaper. Harrison learns to bake focaccia, gluten-free, whole wheat. Suzanna learns to palm read, tells Lonan he’s experienced great betrayal (they stop the reading immediately; Lonan goes back to the newspapers). Harrison begins burning incense at sunrise—frankincense. The dragon tree nearly dies (Lonan saves it). It rains every weekday that contains the letter T. Lonan shifts stacks of soggy newspapers onto the breakfast table, answers crosswords with the help of Suzanna (four across, nine letters, Something held). Harrison burns a baguette. Suzanna buys a hanging basket of pothos. The power goes out for two days and the icebox floods the kitchen tile (Lonan mops it with old newspapers, the ink running like jellyfish). June barks for the first time. Harrison eats a bundle of dried bay leaves. Suzanna waters the plants with rainwater, icewater, wrung into a coffee tin. Harrison leaves the stove on while sautéing shallots (he eats them whole). Lonan wakes up feverish and fills out four newspaper crosswords, then falls asleep on the coffee table. Suzanna moulds panna cotta in coffee mugs and shares the batch with Lonan when they won’t tip out. Lonan teaches her how to propagate the pothos and soon they have twenty empty cans of cuttings poking from the windowsills. They rearrange the furniture, the couch facing the kitchen instead of the TV, the dining table right outside the bathroom, then put it all back the next day. They birdwatch from the tiny window with binoculars and a magnifying glass. They sort coupons. Whittle soaps. Watch Norwegian films without the subtitles. Discuss cliff diving. Make matching anklets (blue beads, elastic string, the plastic clacking how Harrison knows they’re coming). All of this they do as Harrison lies on his bed for two weeks, counting the corners of his ceiling and trying to determine a way to multiply them telepathically.

This is the very next paragraph!

At first he assumes they’re laughing. The sun nearly rising between other high rises, blotting his room with dawn. This is not a surprise. They are probably making pancakes out of buckwheat and discussing the hilarity of whole grains. They are probably laughing at store-bought cherry preserves. Too sour. Their cheeks puckered. But then the laughs get louder, and the sun rises higher and it’s not laughing at all, but gasping.

Here’s Harrison crawling!! is this straight out of the exorcist probably!

Harrison’s instinct is to crawl. As if his smallness against the ground will stop anyone from hearing him, even before he unlocks his door. On hands and knees he shuffles from his bed to his doorframe, edges the door open with his shoulder. On hands and knees he hikes through the hallway, the gasping getting louder, shuffling until he sees them. Lonan sitting on one of the kitchen stools, a grocery bag wound around his throat. Suzanna clacking scissors in two hands so their blades ping in the sun. Her fingers loped around his hair, knuckle-deep, the blades snipping, the gasps growing, them both sobbing, the hair falling, the sun stalking, their bodies rocking. Harrison takes it in from his crawl. Experiences it all on his knees.

So this excerpt seems really you know, normal:

They clean up the hair. Harrison with the dustpan, Lonan with the broom. Harrison still kneels. Lonan still cries. The only thing that has changed since crawling into the kitchen is that Suzanna is taking a walk around the apartment complex. She needs air. Room. If she cries long enough, a cigarette. So Lonan sweeps. Harrison collects. This repeats.

The kitchen smells of nutmeg. Freshly grated from a whole club over espresso, Harrison imagines. He smells this as he tracks Lonan with the dustpan, hovering its open belly for clippings of hair. And Lonan is so compliant, brushes cuttings of himself onto the plastic surface so Harrison can trash it. As Harrison looks on from his knees, Lonan diffuses in sunlight, the window illuminating only his edges. A body so familiar Harrison knows exactly where it flares with light or absorbs it. A body with skin like mulberry silk. A body he could recreate in charcoal with his eyes closed. His archangel translucent and luminescing.

Skip this excerpt if you don’t want to read about Harrison eating hair!! i’m sorry!

Harrison picks a bundle of fallen hair from the dustpan. It’s airy from being recently shampooed, smells faintly of pear, maybe even ginger. This hair, touched by a woman, or a few women, and cut by one, or a few, in different contexts. Eliza’s hands deveining the roots, and then Suzanna’s, trying to fix them. So Harrison eats it. That bundle like a toothpicked cube of cheese. He puts it in his mouth and swallows.

Lonan watches like he’s unconcerned. He watches this feral animal—Harrison must be something feral, starved of something and ravaged by that hunger. Chewing mouthfuls of hair like that will quell of him of what is missing, if there even is anything missing, something unidentifiable in this bland circuit of New York City, this time-loop of sonhood, this fresh start a dousing of flatness. As Harrison eats, he understands he consumes that something like it’s holy communion, reuniting with that something by absorbing it. And still, that hunger moves him, from finishing the dustpan of hair, and closer to Lonan.

“Do you think I’m a bad friend?” Harrison asks, wringing the corner of his lips clean from loose hairs. From this perspective, Harrison on his knees collecting hair, Lonan’s eyes look bluer. Maybe their saturation has nothing to do with the angle, but Harrison feels this is true; his eyes are so crystalline, they are temptingly edible. Like two plump blueberries. Or a matching set of clear glass marbles. Harrison swallows. He repeats, “Do you think I’m a bad friend?”

Lonan swallows, adjusts his grip on the broom. “We’d have to be friends for me to answer that.”

“Aren’t we?”

And here’s the rest of this scene!

“You’re my mother’s friend,” Harrison says. “She trusts you.” He crawls closer to Lonan. “You’ve got secrets. Rituals. Tell me her favourite finger-food and who she wants to marry.”

“I don’t know your mother that well.”

Harrison wraps a handle around Lonan’s ankle. A muscle there jumps like a dolphin breaching the water. He’s memorized this plane of skin, could rebuild it from single grains of sand while blindfolded. He furls his hands across its surface, unfurls.

“You garden with her,” Harrison says. “You share a plate for dessert.”

“She’s kind to me.”

“You cook her breakfast.” Harrison tugs on Lonan’s ankle, knowing it won’t raze him, knowing he’ll come down anyway. “You know the exact temperature she drinks her coffee down to the last digit.”

“I’m trying to be hospitable.”

“You’re trying to be a son.”

Lonan kneels. Crouching so they’re huddled over each other, so it’s nearly impossible to distinguish one body from the other, which one sinks, which one rises.

“My mother’s only got one son to live with,” Harrison says, his voice thin from a clogged throat. He reaches for Lonan’s scalp, scrapes a line down the centre, now an even plane of cropped hair. “And it isn’t me.”

“You’re unstable,” Lonan says, burrowing his face either into a cabinet or Harrison’s shoulder—neither can tell. “You won’t let yourself have friends.”

Farther, toward the tile they go, a pile of hair scattering. “My mother wants me to forgive you by replacing me with you.”

“She’s grieving,” Lonan says.

Harrison loses his hands. He doesn’t know where they disappear to, if he touches skin or tile. “I haven’t died,” he says. Skin or tile. Skin or tile.

Here’s an excerpt from scene C ft. this memoir bit from the time I was shocked that this university I visited had real FANCY teabags:

Lonan brews tea. Earl grey, from a tin. Harrison doesn’t know why he expects it to come from a bag. An individual paper sachet, or if he’s lucky, one of those fancy ones woven from nylon. But it’s from a tin. Two teaspoons into the bottom of a single mug they pass back and forth, wordless at the kitchen table. Strung in the bathroom, Harrison’s t-shirt hang-dries, nearly figure-like, an unfilled phantom. He tugs a throw around his shoulders and stares at his hands. Each crest of cuticle. Each bulb of knuckle. Each maze of fingerprints.

He is material. This is fact. Not just outlines. He’s got skin that goes pinkish when pinched, a pulse that juts from his wrist, two eyes that burn at the scent of lavender, ten fingers. But as he holds his hands up, studying them in the faint moonlight, it is difficult to believe his tangibility. In the city, he has lived as a haze. Fogging over grocery stores, eateries, nondescript. Fresh start has always implied an air of zest, a zing that should have fueled him to plant roots in this restart. But Harrison is rotten, aphid infected, overwatered, underwatered, then not watered at all. He flexes his fingers. He pops the joints. He tries to press his pinkie to the back of his hand. But none of this brings him back to himself. His hands continue feeling like someone else’s. His body invisibly marred in some way he can’t reverse, disconnected in retaliation.

Harrison reflecting on his relationship with his mother:

Suzanna has never left him alone this long, and to her detriment. He imagines her now, living the life she always should’ve lived, the life she lived before he crosscut his way to her most important thing. She’s probably at a salon, having her hair twirled with a round brush, making dinner reservations at some place always too expensive for two (extra points if it has a French name, more if she has to wait a half hour before getting a table). When she talks to her stylist, she doesn’t mention a son, but plans to travel up the west coast, all the way into Canada if she’s feeling adventurous. She’ll buy crime novels she’ll never read at duty-free, reapply a lipstick that cost her a paycheck in the reflection of a hand-dryer. After the salon, she’ll meet a woman at a wine bar, converse about children, and still not mention a son. Suzanna’s singleness will be a celebration.

The boys finally trucing it out <3

When Harrison finally opens his eyes, Lonan is staring at him. His eyes two reels of the Pacific. They cycle in blue. So much of him has changed, and yet he is still the same. Beyond the haircut, Lonan isn’t that much different. He can’t be much different. But as Harrison searches, splaying his palm on the wet table, he knows this is untrue. Lonan is hollower than he was last summer. A little more haunted. They have this in common, then.

“Can we be friends?” Harrison asks. With his pinkie, he finds himself writing against the damp table just as he did Lonan’s scalp not too long ago. Lonan’s gaze follows each loop of each letter, Harrison’s steady left hand.

Lonan is consumed studying what Harrison has written, where each letter connects in near-cursive scrawl. After a moment, he nods, once, twice, and then reverts to staring at the table’s new inscription. On its surface are two words: something held.

The boys in the car like old times <3

Lonan drives. This is strange because Harrison has not seen Lonan drive a car in over a year. Usually, Harrison takes the wheel, but tonight he guides them through the city, in search of Suzanna. His car is clean. This isn’t unexpected. A cherry-coloured hatchback that rattles whenever he makes a left turn. It smells vaguely of cotton air-freshener and the undercurrent of cigarettes.

“You still smoke?” Harrison pokes at the plastic nob for the radio, and it crackles to life. Synth and electric guitar pulse in 4/4 time.

“I bought it used.”

They’ve agreed to get to know one another while they search for Suzanna. Another restart, some attempt at an honest hour. As Lonan changes lanes, Harrison pokes open the car’s glove compartment. A tin of nicotine gum falls on the mat. A hot pink feather pokes from underneath the driver’s manual. Harrison hauls out both, runs the feather along the gum tin, then the back of his hand, and then Lonan’s cheek. When that rouses nothing, he unlocks the tin and removes a slit of gum. Right as he’s about to pop it in his mouth, Lonan says, “I wouldn’t eat that.”

“Why?” Harrison asks. “Did you lace it?”

“Like I said, I bought the car used.”

Harrison puts the gum back, and then the feather. He sticks his hand farther into the glove compartment, feels around until he drags out a map of the state, bilgy and half torn. He unfolds it, careful to avoid the rips, and flattens it against the dashboard. Almost immediately, it wilts against the cold, faded from time in the sun. It’s been marked up. Half with pencil, half with a red ballpoint pen. After a few minutes, Harrison understands the previous owner’s route. Or at least he does at first. Following the red pen arrows, they started at Long Island, then reached Manhattan. Then a much longer arrow takes him from Manhattan to Geneva, and then Buffalo. And then the red pen circles, once, twice, three times, four times, and what is in the centre doesn’t even have a city name. What it does say is HELP, in all-caps, each letter then melting into an illegible scrawl. Harrison sees bits of words: Luke, woe, hands, clay, guard, stray, each wobbly and disappearing into the other, becoming cities of their own, destroying others. He tries to understand the route, but the farther he pours over the map, recircling each line with his finger, the more lost he gets in the ink.

“Is this your map?” Harrison asks. There is no proof that it is. Even the handwriting is all wrong. Ragged. Confused. Desperate. Not like Lonan’s careful, hesitant print.

“Like I said, I bought the car used.”

“But is it your map?” Harrison asks again. Gently, he creases the paper and then slots it back into the glove compartment. Outside, they pass three convenience stores in a row, a flock of couples emerging from a bowling alley, tipsy and cradling leftover deep dish pizzas and mozzarella sticks. They pass two more convenience stores before Lonan finally answers.

“I was confused,” he says.

“This is more than confused,” Harrison says. “It’s disturbed.”

“I’m not disturbed.”

“But something is wrong with you.”

Lonan slows at a crosswalk. A group of teenaged girls whisk by in glitter and lip gloss.

“Yes,” he says.

This is Harrison trying to stop Lonan’s nosebleed after their bizarre swerve which I think is kind of <3 tendy <3

Harrison reaches for him. One hand on the back of his neck, and the other reared toward the red stream. His touch is tactful, so faint his fingerprints wouldn’t even be left behind, but still, the dabbing with his jacket’s hem is enough to redirect the blood’s flow from Lonan’s upper lip to the cuff of leather. The radio is still on, garbled like an unmassing of crepe paper lanterns.

This is the final excerpt for this update that takes us to the very end of the chapter! Harrison has just found Lonan supposedly head-first in the sink and though he asks at first why he is doing that, takes an alternate approach as the chapter closes:

Harrison gets up, his knees popping like gnawed bubble gum. He decides he will handle Lonan at a distance, if he chooses to handle him at all. Like a timid pet owner trying to tame their suddenly-rabid yorkie. Like a friend not trying to tip the full glass. To let its contents film at its surface, but never spill.

Somewhere in the apartment, Suzanna probably listens to them. If Harrison didn’t know her better, he’d imagine her pressed neatly against the door, waiting to hear the shuffle of their bodies or the tang of an argument. Instead, he imagines her at the kitchen table, gripping a glass of water for so long, half of it evaporates.

“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Harrison says, stepping back until his spine hits the counter’s lip. He curls his fingers under the granite. Looks toward the window, now a faint periwinkle. Lonan heaves. His fingers caging his face, an animal restrained. They stand there until the sun rises.

So that’s it for this gigantic update! I have like four short stories to update you on so I hope to be back soon!

—Rachel

#writing #writerblr #amwriting #writeblr #fostered #mothwork #writingupdates #feedinghabits

47 notes · View notes

neeterloveschenford · 3 years

Text

RNM 3x05

So another Alexless episode. Did that part of it suck? Very much so. I miss him. But that means we’ve got two out of the way already. I am glad that now we can focus on rebuilding the foundation for the epic love story of Malex. There was a lot of goodness to go over this week. There were also a few things that weren’t so great. But overall I’m still loving this season. So let’s dive right in.

Let’s get the bad over with first. I get what they were trying to accomplish with the racism story. It’s one the most important issues our country faces today. And with one of the main characters being a cop, police brutality has been in the back of most of our minds since the beginning. And with Max’s white savior complex, well I can see how we got to where we are with ep5. But as people far more eloquent than I have pointed out, it’s almost like a “very special” sitcom episode.

Their hearts were in the right place, but you can’t solve something this complex in an episode of tv. It reminded me of when Arrow did their gun control episode. Miraculously Mayor Queen and the city council came up with a solution to the city’s gun problem, but we never got to hear what that problem was. They just all patted themselves on the back for fixing it. It came off as extremely hollow. It was nice to see Maria, Rosa, the reporter, and one of the Lopez’s set up Jordan to find out the truth, but in the end did it solve anything? Is racism in Roswell suddenly going to go away? I think we all know the answer to that. Was it good that they tried to address something that is on the hearts and minds of so many viewers? In theory, yes. But this is just something that is next to impossible to do in a sci-fi fantasy show about aliens. I do think their hearts were in the right place though. So I will give them props for at least wanting to do something more socially relevant.

So now for the good stuff. My sweet baby Kyle lives!!! I mean, we knew that he would, but I was still smarting from last week. And him waking up on Max’s couch with an alien stuffy was hilarious. I love Kyles’s relationship with Max and Michael. They all want to still hate each other, but they are actually friends. It’s a fun dynamic.

Liz and Heath are starting to bore me a little. We need to find out he’s in Deep Sky already. Right now, he’s just pretty to look at. It’s a shame. Jeanine talked about him being a real threat to Echo. Right now Forlex was a bigger threat than Heath and Liz. If he’s not part of Deep Sky, then I’m not sure what the point of his character is.

Arturo and Rosa were fantastic together. I love their relationship. In fact I love all the Ortecho relationships. We need more Ortecho family moments. They are so loving and supportive of each other. But they still behave like family. I want to see more moments of Liz and Rosa arguing over silly things. I want to see Arturo encouraging his girls to do more with their lives. I just want to see them eat pancakes together. They make me so happy.

Kyle and Michael! Science bros are my favorites. I love that Michael wanted to make sure that Kyle was safe. He still wants to hate Kyle for everything that he did in high school to Alex, but he sees Kyle for the man he’s become. And the I agree with my man-sitter line made me snort out loud.

Isobel continues to be a badass. I love that she was able to reign in her emotions and figure out what Jones was hiding. She continues to show just how strong-willed she is. And I find the whole thing with Jones bringing up Noah pretty interesting. Makes me think Noah played some part in the dictator’s regime when they were on The Oasis. I’m hoping they delve into that at some point. I’d love to see Karan come back if only for some flashbacks to their home planet. Maybe he was even part of the resistance. Maybe he used to be a good guy, but the broken pod really did drive him insane. I think it would be fascinating either way.

Maria is starting to bother me again. I wanted to see a change in her. But she still seems to ride roughshod over everyone. I would be fine with that if that was a recognized part of her personality. Some people are just like that. If you own it and realize that sometimes you hurt people but try to do better the next time, then that would be one thing. But the narrative still seems to be that Maria can do no wrong. I’m not expecting there to be any comeuppance for her, especially about 2x06. But if say Rosa or Isobel were to check her every once in awhile, then it would go a long way to making her more likable. I mean Isobel is very similar, but few people are afraid to put her in her place. I don’t know. Maybe it’s something that will happen a little later down the line.

Pretty sure that there’s something more to racist deputy. Maybe it’s because the actor that plays him was the big bad in the last season of Agents of SHIELD, but I’m not buying that he’s just a one off character that’s going to disappear. I haven’t figured out a good theory about him yet, but he’s made me suspicious.

Pretty sure when Jones first did the whole hand print thing with Max in the premiere, he did something to him that would make him drain life force from whoever he gave a handprint to. If you think about it, somebody was going to need to be healed and Max would sacrifice himself to save them. And then Max would have Jones “fix” him because he wouldn’t want someone to die just to keep himself alive. So by doing so, Jones set up a series of events that would let him download himself into Max. I think that was Max’s entire reason for existence. I think Jones is the dictator and that the reason he’s “immortal” is because he’s been downloading his consciousness into clones for some time now. Max wouldn’t forget what Kyle’s name was. Also, the whole scene with Liz and “Max” was so obviously Jones. His body language and the tone of his voice was not Max. I think maybe Max is still in there. (He knew Maria and seemed concerned.) But I think he’s not alone.

I’m going to end this review with my sweet baby boy Michael. The way he has grown and changed over the last two episodes makes me so happy! This is what all of s2 should have been for him. But, alas, we’ve had to have him do all this soul-searching in a handful of episodes. But it has been so good. His admission to Rosa that they were wrong for putting her in the front seat of that car was perfect. Not only did he need to own up to what they did, but Rosa needed one of them to do so. Neither Max nor Isobel have apologized for making Arturo the target of the racists in town. I can’t wait to have more Michael and Rosa scenes. And I can’t wait for Alex to see the change in Michael. We are so close y’all. Alex and Michael are both so different than they were when we started this journey with them. Do they both still have things to deal with? Yes. But now they’ve both seen that they are capable of change. They know they can both become good for each other. When they come back together this time, they will both have the ability to deal with the trials of tribulations of life. They will be able to commit to making their relationship work. It’s going to be so glorious!!

Well that’s it for this week. Sorry I got this posted late. I’ve had some family things to deal with this week. It’s been a rough week. But I have next week to look forward to. I just know that we are now at the beginning of the epic love story we’ve all been waiting for. So until next time my loves!

#roswell new mexico #s3 spoilers #s3 speculation #it's only my opinion

7 notes · View notes

picnokinesis · 3 years

Note

If I give you a cookie will you tell me 5 facts about anterograde au

As long as it's chocolate chip 👀

1. In general, the Doctor is quite a bit ruder in anterograde au than she is in campervan au. This is mostly because the Doctor was just like that pre-amnesia, and so because she keeps all her memories from before the crash, this doesn't change. In campervan, she's actually a lot less sure of herself than she'd ever really admit, and so as a result she is a tad less abrasive. She can get really nasty when she feels like she's being backed into a corner and forced to actually address her emotions - this happens in campervan too, of course, such as when Graham talked her out of driving off at the end of part two. But she's much quicker to go for the throat in anterograde. She doesn't do it with people like Grace and Graham so much, because she doesn't ever really feel like she knows them, but she definitely does it to Jack and Koschei. Also, the fact that she's rather mistrusting does not help in the first few hours/days after the train crash, because her memory resets so often and each time she's surrounded by strangers and in danger mode.

2. One of the things I really want to explore in this fic is the conflict between disability/vulnerability and autonomy - or, rather, how people with disabilities often get treated differently for stuff compared to non-disabled people. As an example, to explain better: the Doctor obviously loses some of her independence due to her condition, especially in the early days when her memory resets more than once a day. However, other people then take it upon themselves to, for example, make decisions for her, or not tell her information (because she'll 'just forget it again'), or act like she can't make her own decisions. Most of this is done with good intentions, or 'for her own good', but it still sucks a LOT for the Doctor because she's still an adult. She's made plenty of bad decisions before this point, and people have acknowledged that they can advise her against it but can't actually stop her from doing what she wants. So then why now do the same people think that she can't be allowed to make her own decisions anymore simply because they're bad ones? The way she sees it, if she had all her memories, they would accept that it's ultimately her life and she's allowed to do what she wants. Why should that be any different just because she has a disability now? That's just one facet of it, and it's a complicated issue from both sides but it's one that's affected people close to me so I really wanted to explore it because it doesn't really get discussed much

3. Koschei gets fired AND evicted in short order and it's not even completely the Doctor's fault HAHA so that's why they end up living out of the van for a bit. He's also terrible and lies about it for a while because she doesn't...remember what actually happened RIP. She gets mad at him for that when she finds out - actually I think they literally have a fist fight about it in a service station car park HAHAHAHA

4. Graham and Grace essentially end up unofficially adopting the pair of them once they realise that neither of them actually have any family to look out for them - and it becomes painfully obvious that they're both a complete mess. Obviously, Ryan is their first priority, but they end up helping the two of them quite a lot, especially when they come and live in their house for a while. Graham is....actually the first person to sort of get through to Koschei in like...his entire life HAHA (besides the Doctor of course).

5. Speaking of them staying at Graham and Grace's...I managed to use this to create the angstiest twist on 'and there was only one bed' that I've ever done HAHAHAHAHA

#taka replies #anterograde au #THANKS FOR THE ASK #bless i love talking about this au and y'all seem to love it to so I'm here for it #feel free to ask...any follow up questions on all of that HAHA #anon

10 notes · View notes

fandom-necromancer · 3 years

Text

Ghosts of the past

This was prompted by an awesome anon! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed1700 (Warnings: implied past abuse, manipulation, mentioned forced drug intake, drug abuse)

[Part2]

‘I don’t feel too good about this…’ ‘Me neither, but I can’t think of any other way, unfortunately…’ Nines swallowed, looking Connor in the eyes. It was hard to look into these eyes when he normally was the one telling Nines to forget about the mission for a while. Whenever Nines sunk a little too far into his comfort zone of code and orders, Connor was there to remind him he didn’t had to follow it. He was allowed to indulge in his emotions and listen to his wants. Now that their roles had changed it really made him think about how compromised he really was with this particular case.

‘Nines, we need that confession. You know that.’ ‘I know Connor!’, the android yelled with frustration. ‘I know, but I’m not sacrificing Gavin’s mental state, health or career, just because some criminal decides to play with us!’ Connor sighed. ‘Do you think I want that? Nines, he matters to me as much as to you, I’d rather die myself than see him hurt. I’m just saying we should ask him and not decide for him just because that makes us more comfortable.’ Nines sighed, nodding. ‘His sense of duty will make him say yes.’ ‘Maybe, but it will be his decision. He’s a grown man and we will be there for him should anything happen. Come on.’

Gavin immediately shit was about to go down as both androids exited the interrogation room heading his direction. Both their LED’s were yellow bordering to red and knowing just who sat behind that door, Gavin knew exactly what must have happened. Still, he tried to look optimistic: ‘And? What did you find out?’ Nines looked aside, arms crossed over his chest, while Connor put up a fake grin that should be calming. So they both were disagreeing about their way of action. Gavin wouldn’t dare saying he knew what was going on in their heads most of the time, but he could read their emotional state like nobody else. ‘Not much’, Connor answered him. ‘He refuses to speak with anyone but you.’

Gavin swallowed and lowered his head. ‘Well phck’, he cursed, accepting his fate. ‘Guess I’ll go talk to the asshole then.’ ‘You don’t have to’, Nines immediately stated, taking a step forwards when Gavin stood up. ‘You don’t have to talk to him.’ ‘Nines, I have to if we want to get a confession, right?’ ‘He didn’t say anything about confessing’, Connor corrected. ‘Just that he doesn’t want to talk to anyone but you.’ ‘Yeah, well, that’s basically the same thing, isn’t it?’, Gavin huffed determined. ‘It’s been years, I think I can talk to the asshole if it means I won’t see him for a long time, because he’s locked up. I’ll manage.’ ‘We’re right in the next room observing’, Nines tried to reassure him, knowing arguments wouldn’t help. ‘Then I’ll try to give you two a show, huh?’, Gavin joked and took the lead towards the interrogation room.

He heard the others following him and tried to keep his composure for as long as they saw him. He knew they worried about him. Hell, Gavin worried about himself. It had been a long time since he had last seen David Smith and he wouldn’t have complained if more years had been added to that. And his confidence in his ability to keep calm and professional around him was fragile at best. But they needed that confession and Gavin would get it. No matter the cost.

He took a deep breath before opening the door and entering the room. He didn’t spare the man sitting across the table any mind, sat down and slammed the file on the table in front of him. ‘Your name is David Smith, is that correct?’ He stared strictly on the papers in front of him. ‘Yes.’ Oh that phcking voice. That goddamn soft voice that reminded him of all the times this stupid phck had him wrapped around his finger. If he could, he would have thrown up already, but as it was, he kept up his neutral façade. ‘State your age and occupation.’ ‘Thirty-nine. Freelancing salesman.’ Gavin could hear the asshole’s sly grin in his words and narrowed his eyes. ‘Come on, Gav. Why so stuck-up? Not happy about seeing your man?’ ‘You will address me as Detective Reed, Mr. Smith’, Gavin commented sharply. ‘And I’d appreciate you staying on topic. Does “freelancing salesman” include the producing and selling of illegal substances by any chance? We found copious amounts of drugs, mostly Red Ice and cocaine in your flat. Additionally, there have been accounts of eyewitnesses depicting you handing over those substances to others. The evidence clearly speaks against you, but a confession might increase your chance at a decreased sentence.’

‘You’re still as beautiful as I remember you.’ Gavin felt himself shudder but ignored the goose bumps in his back. ‘Mr. Smith, I doubt you understand the situation you are in.’ ‘Hmm… all professional, aren’t we, Gav? I remember I could get you to be pretty unprofessional in a matter of seconds.’ Gavin couldn’t help but look up. It had been a mistake, as the man’s grin widened, and those eyes captured him once again. ‘Ah… So you remember too.’

Gavin sighed and closed the file. ‘Why the phck did you refuse to speak with my partners? David, we’re over and done with. The years with you were some of my worst and there is no way I will ever want that back.’ The man smirked at him. ‘So they are your partners? I thought so, they’re your type. Tall and strong enough to put you in your place…’ Gavin ground his teeth and stared at David with eyes that could kill. ‘Are you selling drugs again? Who are your suppliers? Who do you keep around to test your phcking new creations on?’ ‘Come on, babe, you were more than just that for me.’ ‘I asked you a question asshole. You said you’d talk to me. I’ve yet to hear a single word that’s worth the air.’

David leaned back and grinned. ‘Oh, please Gavin. You pretend to be so high and mighty. You can’t put me behind bars. In fact, I know I will be walking free in a matter of hours.’ ‘And why should that be?’, Gavin asked. ‘Charlotte 2.0.’

Gavin’s eyes widened and he had to hide his hands beneath the table because they were shaking too much. In one quick motion, he took the file and left the room. Only to sink against the closed door as his knees gave in. Not much later Nines and Connor came running to his side. ‘Gavin! Are you alright? What the hell happened in there?’, Connor asked, obviously scanning his vitals. ‘Who… What is Charlotte 2.0?’, Nines asked. Gavin concentrated on breathing first, speaking second. ‘We have to let him go’, he whispered desperately. ‘We have to.’ ‘What? Why?’

Gavin stood up and walked away from the door. ‘Charlotte was an android. Non-deviant. His fail-safe. Remember how I never wanted to tell you how I got out of that relationship? I killed her. Killed her and ran, moved and stopped talking to anyone I knew. Deleted all accounts and made new ones.’ ‘You did what?’, Nines asked. ‘Yeah, she was just a machine, okay? It was the only way out. I… David is anything if not prepared. Charlotte had the single task to gather as much information as she could. That means he can notify any gang, any lab, drug den or dealer in the city they have been compromised. With a single word from him, she can make every current operation in narcotics null and void with everyone alarmed.’ ‘Then why did you kill her?’, Connor asked. ‘Because she also keeps tabs open on everyone dear to the people he wants to keep in line. I’m not an idiot, I realised what I had fallen into a week after we first met. But I could only run years later because she was dead and couldn’t hold my family and friends at gunpoint in secret.’

Connor and Nines stared at each other. ‘So we need to find the android he uses this time.’ Gavin shook his head. ‘I doubt he will be dumb enough to make the same mistake twice. I’d guess Charlotte 2.0 is a program ready to unleash all the gathered information if something goes wrong.’ ‘Then what do we do? Search his apartment again?’ ‘Would be a good start.’

Less then twenty minutes later, Gavin, Nines and Connor sat in a car driving towards David’s apartment. ‘You did good in there’, RK900 suddenly broke the silence. ‘I worried for you.’ ‘We both did’, Connor added. ‘But it’s good you decided to go.’ ‘I just want to end this shit’, Gavin sighed. ‘I don’t want to think back to it, and I’ll sleep the hell of a lot easier knowing the asshole is behind bars.’ ‘Couldn’t put it better’, Connor nodded. ‘You want to come with us?’ They had parked the car and Gavin looked up to the apartment complex he knew far too well. ‘Yeah, I’ll come. Don’t like it a bit, but I might be of help.’

They exited the car and made their way up using the shitty rumbling elevator Gavin despised. Not only that you had to fear the damn thing giving in any moment, the memories of how he had been slammed against a wall, barely conscious with the bastard’s lips all over his body… No, he refused to think of that. He refused to think of anything but him being here to put an end to it all. He felt two reassuring hands on his shoulders as the door opened and gladly let them exit first, following the two androids towards the apartment Gavin had never wanted to see ever again.

In the end it didn’t look too different to what he had gotten to know: the flat was messy, clothes thrown around, empty mugs and take out containers stood on the kitchen counters and table. The dead plant that had been Gavin’s company throughout many drying-outs from some experimental drug high, still stood on the windowsill rotting and gathering dust. ‘Would you rather wait outside?’, Connor asked, but Gavin shook his head. ‘No. Thank you, but we need to find Charlotte 2.0. I’ll help.’ They systematically went through every corner and every drawer. Gavin found a few disposable phones he couldn’t activate; Connor was long sitting on the couch interfacing with a laptop while Nines was somewhere in the bathroom.

Gavin was waiting for the next phone to charge enough so he could try to get to any contacts or other data on it. He tried to concentrate on his task, but waiting hadn’t exactly sat right with him for most, so he ended up lost in memories he hoped to rather forget. Two years of his life just gone and wasted. Who knew how many years of his life the drugs had taken from him? The lies he had told. The things he had done to keep David safe. No, to keep those dear to him safe. He looked up at Connor. Did David know of his relationship with Connor and Nines? Did he know how happy he was with them, how much he loved and needed them? Was Charlotte programmed to cause them harm too? He didn’t want to imagine what would happen would they not find whatever failsafe David had thought up this time. If they had to let David go. Phck, no, they had to find it. They-

‘Nines!’ Connor had stood up and placed the laptop on the kitchen counter next to Gavin. ‘I found something, but you are better at this.’ RK900 hurried out of the bathroom and joined their side. ‘Better at what?’ ‘At breaching the security measures. I think I found this Charlotte 2.0, but I can’t access it. It’s protected with a password and I can’t get past it. The system looks everything like an android mind to me. Or at least the security is similar. I can’t get in.’ ‘Okay, let me try.’ Nines reached for the laptop to interface and Gavin watched how his LED spun faster and faster as his brows furrowed. It only was a matter of seconds, but that alone should have told Gavin something was wrong. When the android stepped back desperately looking at the computer-screen asking for a password. ‘I can’t get in either. We need the password.’

‘How many tries do we have?’, Gavin asked. ‘Three’, Connor supplied. ‘We can’t just trial and error the solution.’ Gavin stared at the keyboard, then turned around to look at the apartment. ‘Try Gavin Reed.’ ‘What?’, Nines asked. ‘Darling, we can’t just try it out.’ ‘Listen’, Gavin sighed. ‘I wasn’t the only one David tried his drugs on. But it… It was personal with me. In some twisted way, he really loved me. Why else pull such a damn stunt? He could have just moved to a different place and continued on with his business. But he stayed, he kept dealing right under our noses after I left. The asshole wanted to be found. And we don’t exactly have much time. Try my name, if it doesn’t work, we still have two tries left.’

Nines stared at him unmoving, but Connor took the chance and typed in “Gavin Reed” Then he hit enter. The screen cleared to give access to code Gavin didn’t understand. But from the way Nines and Connor interfaced with the device immediately he took it had worked. ‘It’s deactivated’, Nines stated, stepping back. He looked at Gavin, who had pulled his arms around his middle and looked to the ground. ‘Thank you, Gavin. Let’s get this Laptop to the police and then go home.’ ‘Forget this all’, Connor said, when he pushed the laptop shut. ‘Sounds good’, Gavin sighed tiredly and closed his eyes as both androids pulled him in a deep hug. ‘Sounds phcking perfect.’

[>next part]

#detroit become human #dbh #Reed1700 #Gavin Reed #RK900 #Connor dbh #RK800 #wow a short with plot? From me? I guess it can happen from time to time #didn't find a lot of chances to put the ship in there but I hope it still counts because I love them so much #how is this my first Reed1700 story?

32 notes · View notes

jaehyunspeachparty · 3 years

Text

6. A little jelaousy (m)

"And then I'll meet with Kikuo. He's the son of a friend of my aunt's, he's from Tokyo and he now lives in Seoul and doesn't know a person here. I eat near your studio, should I visit you after then?" Chichi tries to talk to her boyfriend during breakfast, but Sunoh just glanced at his phone. Lately he was only working. She was glad he had the job, but she barely saw him lately. He had been working on the new albums for weeks and Chichi was often home alone. Her foot was still injured and she still cannot dance ballet. So she was happy to meet Kikuo and get some social contacts again. "Sunoh?" She asked and she sighed. "I'm sorry. I have to go," Sunoh said and stood up. He kissed Chichi, took his things and left the apartment. Chichi was left alone ... once again.

Before meeting Kikuo, Chichi put on makeup and wore her most beautiful dress. She did it for herself, not for Kikuo, because she hadn't been out for a long time. Because of her foot, she was unable to drive or simply go outside. And Sunoh had lately hardly time that they could go out for a date. So it was just nice for her to do something outside again. With a taxi she drove to the restaurant where she met Kikuo and she looked again at her phone and hoped that Sunoh had called in the meantime. But it was quiet, no message, no phone call. The last time it was so quiet was when Sunoh was in the military. Kikuo was no stranger to her. She had known him since she was a child. When Yuta visited his sister, he was there sometimes. They had always got on well and during the time when Sunoh was in the military, she had often visited her family in Japan and met him now and then. "Chichi!" Kikuo immediately hugged his friends and smiled. "Hey Kikuo. Nice to have you here." Chichi was really happy to see a friend again and it always felt like family with him. "You look good, so healthy," he said and the two sat down at the table. "Well, I have to be careful because I hardly move because of my foot. So I should start a diet slowly." Chichi sighed and pointed to the bandage on her ankle. "You were very thin before, I can't imagine that was healthy." Kikuo was particularly concerned when she was in Japan and Sunoh in the military. She ate so little, at first she was so depressed and cried a lot. The whole family was worried about her. After Sunoh's departure she was so thin that Yuta could hardly let her out on her own because he was afraid that any moment she out because of her weakness. "I'm a ballet dancer. Being thin is my job." Chichi shrugged, but Kikuo shook his head. "Still. You look good now. Better. You have color back in your face." Kikuo smiled and encouraged her that she was now on the right track. "Thanks ..." she says shyly and blushed a little with embarrassment. "Where is your big love? When will I finally get to know him?", Kikuo asked. He never really got to know him. Maybe he met him once for a short moment four years ago. But a lot of time has passed since then. "He's working a lot right now." Chichi looks sadly at the table and she tries not to get emotional. She missed Sunoh, she missed his presence. He was overworked, tired, and exhausted. She wanted to help him, but there was nothing she could do. It wasn't like school anymore where she could do his homework. That was an area she didn't know, she couldn't do the work for him. "Hopefully I'll get to know him soon." Kikuo was confident and didn't want to stress anyone. He lived in Seoul now and at some point he will meet Sunoh. "Yes I hope. Sunoh and I will be together for almost 6 years ... unbelievable how time flies."

Para and Sunoh were just leaving the company to get something for lunch when Para's phone rang. "Bring me a chicken instead of a burger," Kiwoo said on the phone when Para answered. "Why don't you call your brother yourself?", Para asked with a grin and turned to Sunoh, who was now looking attentively at him. "His phone is here with me. He forgot it again." Kiwoo rolled his eyes and Para nodded understandably. "Okay, we'll bring you some chicken." When Para hung up, he turned to Sunoh. "Your little brother doesn't want a burger." "His manager probably reminded him that he is on a diet." Sunoh shook his head. He didn't quite get along with the whole idol world. He loved making music, but he was worried about Kiwoo. He exercised day and night, he barely slept, and he worked hard. Kiwoo looked extremely up at their father. Even as a child he loved watching the old videos of Jaehyun and he wanted to achieve what his father did. Meanwhile, Jaehyun never pressured his children over it. He always wanted his children to freely choose which way to go. But Kiwoo also decided to become an idol. And the hype was already high. He had a fan base since he was announced as a rookie. People are already waiting in front of his dorm. The fact that he is also the son of Jaehyun makes him even more famous even before his debut. It was harder for him to go out now, so Para and Sunoh have to go out to get some food. "Tell me ..." begins to speak Para carefully. Sunoh just looked over in surprise and wonders why his boss is suddenly so shy. "What's going on between Miga and Hyunjin?" Para still didn't seem to have lost interest in Miga. "I don't know ..." Sunoh shrugged, trying to turn the subject off. "Hey, sorry that I'm so pushy. But you are friends with Hyunjin and Miga is your sister. I really like Miga and ..." But before Para could say more, Sunoh interrupted him. "Hey Para, you're my boss and I really like you. But I don't interfere in Miga's love life. You can't imagine how much drama we had because of it. Miga is very secretive about that, even if I am the first to find out when she's in a relationship. But if I help every friend to couple him with my sister, Miga would already have thousands of relationships. I hope you understand." Sunoh was reluctant to rebel against his boss, but Miga means so much to him. "I understand. Thank you anyway. Your parents could have had more daughters," said Para with a wink. "I think Dad wanted even more daughters when Mum was pregnant with the twins. But fate gave them three sons." Sunoh laughed and the two went into the bar. They ordered and the two men talked a bit about exercising. Para was well trained and Sunoh didn't want to lose his form after the military, so he often got tips from him. After they had the orderd, they went out and were back on their way to the company when Para suddenly nudged him a little bit. "Isn't that Chichi?" He pointed to the girl who was hugging someone tightly. Sunoh froze, he couldn't move. Many emotions contracted in him and he didn't know what to do. "Hey, talk to her. Meanwhile, I'll bring up the food. Just come along when everything is cleared up." Para showed understanding and took the things from him. But Sunoh had lost his voice.

5 minutes before: "Are you really okay? Shouldn't I put you in a taxi?", Kikuo asked and looked worriedly at Chichi's foot. "No, I can already walk a few steps by myself. I want to stop by Sunoh's company and check whether he has eaten something." Chichi smiled gently and at the same time worried about her boyfriend. "Chichi ... before I forget ..." Suddenly he pulled an envelope out of his pocket and gave it to her. "It's from your aunt. It's an address, a reference to your mother. It's the address of the contact details of the person who deposited the money. Your aunt doesn't think it's your mother's address, but it might help. But don't tell Yuta about it. Apparently they've argued about the subject many times." Kikuo sighed and gave her the envelope. Chichi couldn't believe it. She still had a name from Sana, but she didn't want Sana to risk her trust in Yuta. After all, her father was finally happy with her and her half-sister Asami was not supposed to grow up with separated parents. "Thanks. I won't let anyone know about it." She put the envelope in her pocket and then looked up at him. "Thank you so much, it means so much to me." So she hugged Kikuo out of gratitude. She was so happy to receive information and now she hoped that one day she could meet her mother. After a long and grateful hug, Kikuo broke away from her. "I really have to go now. See you again soon?" And when Chichi nodded, Kikuo was already gone. But when she wanted to go, Sunoh stood in front of her.

"Who was that?" He asked and looked horrified at Chichi. "Kikuo." She told him about the meeting and she was surprised that he was suddenly in front of her and also about his reaction. "Why did he hug you like that?" Sunoh was really angry and Chichi felt intimidated. "He helped me," she said, and tears came up in her. "Chichi, why don't you let me help you?" Sunoh was so angry and suddenly his figure looked even bigger than it already was. "You're not here! Besides, you can't help me with this matter!" Several tears ran down her pink cheeks. "But just because I'm working a lot doesn't mean you can date other guys." Sunoh became blind with jealousy and no longer saw reality. At that moment Chichi saw a taxi and waved it over. She was so hurt by Sunoh that she could no longer see him. She just wanted to go home. "Do you just want to drive away now?", Sunoh asked appalled. "You have no idea how much you're hurting me right now. You are welcome to go home with me now, but I think your work will be more important to you." She waited a moment and Sunoh just stared at her. He didn't do anything. He didn't even respond. "I thought so ..." She got into the taxi and drove off.

She cried the whole taxi ride and even the driver handed her some tissues. It's been a long time since she and Sunoh had such a fight. She couldn't remember the last time it was so bad. "Is someone picking you up?" Asked the taxi driver as he parked in front of her house. He saw that she was still crying and he saw her injured foot. "All right, I can do it myself." She tried to smile and she paid. She just wanted to go home and hide in her bed. So she limps to the entrance, unlocked the door and pressed the button to call the elevator. When it was finally there, she was surprised who was in the elevator. "Chichi, what happened?" Y/N and Miga were there and they immediately pulled the girl to them. Apparently they were just coming from the garage and driving up to Miga's apartment. Chichi suddenly began to cry out all of her frustration. Y/N immediately took her in her arms and stroked her head. When the three arrived on the floor, Miga immediately opened the door of her apartment and they went inside. Y/N and Chichi sat down on the couch and Miga brought tissues. "What happened?" Miga asks carefully again. "Sunoh..." Chichi sobbed and it was difficult to find words. "Sunoh is angry because I met an old friend from Japan. I even told him about it, but he wasn't listening because he is working so hard." She continued to sob and buried her face in Y/N's shoulder. "Oh no," Y/N said then and sighed. "What is Mum?" Asked Miga in surprise and looked at her mother. "Seems like Sunoh not only got his looks from his father, but his jealousy as well. Is there anything Sunoh doesn't get from him?" Y/N shook her head and strokedChichi's back to calm her down. "Dad is jealous?" Miga asked and her mother nodded. "You can't imagine the little things your Dad got into a drama about. Apparently Sunoh inherited that." Y/N shook her head and was a little angry that Sunoh acted like Jaehyun did before. "And how did it get better?" Asked Chichi, sobbing. "It took years. But it was also a little different because that was the thing with Doyoung." "Uncle Doyoung? MUM! What happened, please? Is that why Hayoung doesn't like you so much?" Miga didn't know the full story of her parents and was a bit surprised. "I think I'll tell you another time," said Y/N gently and Miga understood. "Should I talk to him?", Y/N asks and looks down at Chichi, but she shook her head. "No, it's okay." "But I'm talking to him! He never should do such an idiotic thing to you again." Miga was upset and wanted to go straight to her brother to teach him a lesson. She hadn't taught him that. Sunoh was always the perfect friend, especially because he always had to watch Miga get hurt and he never wanted to do that to the person he loved. And Sunoh loved Chichi, nothing he loved more than her. He never wanted to hurt her. "I think I should sort this out on my own." Chichi wiped her tears from her cheek and straightened up. "Come on, let's eat something. I'll cook something for us." Y/N then smiled gently, stroked Chichi's hair one more time, and then went into the kitchen. But then Miga immediately sat down with her. "If there is anything or Sunoh does something stupid again, let me know. You can always come to me." Miga meant that very seriously. Chichi has always been like a sister to her. So she took her side. "I know Sunoh is just stressed," Chichi said with a sigh. "He still can't let you feel that." Miga remained serious and it was clear to her that she would write an angry message to her brother as soon as possible.

Sunoh could no longer think clearly at work. He was no longer focused and his thoughts always went to Chichi. Especially when he got an angry message from his sister, he knew things are worse than they were before. He didn't want to be like that, he didn't want to see Chichi so hurt, but this guy who hugged Chichi so tightly made him angry too. Little did he know that the sight made him so angry that he lost his composure so much. Even when driving home he almost had an accident because he drove over the traffic light when it was red. People yelled at him, but he didn't hear. He only had Chichi in his head, not a second passed without her. His whole body was sweating, his heart was racing. His thoughts were confused and went from "he must do everything to make her forgive him" to "what did she do with this guy". He doesn't know when he was last so beside himself. When he unlocked the door, his heart was beating very quickly. He didn't know how his girlfriend would react. He doesn’t like to see her so hurt, especially if he was the reason. He went into the apartment, put down his key and his things, then he undressed. Chichi was standing in the living room. Her fingertips played uncertainly with each other and her large dark eyes seek him. "Chichi," he said quietly and he saw that she was fighting back tears. She doesn't say anything, just stared at him while Sunoh was a mix of guilt and jealousy. He walked up to her and pinned her to the wall. Her arms were raised and Sunoh immediately searched her lips. He had so much emotion, but he just wanted to give her love. Chichi was surprised by his aggressiveness, but still his tenderness, no sooner had she touched her. He was powerful and tender. Hateful and full of love. But he only let Chichi feel the positive. But Sunoh wasn't sure how his power affected her. Sometimes he didn't feel himself. She was so much smaller than him, so much more fragile. He realizes that he may have gone too far and he pulled away from her and immediately took a step back. "I'm sorry, I'm too..." He looked at the floor with shame, but Chichi didn't understand. She was glad to feel him again, his skin on hers was happiness for her. She wanted him to pull her close. She wanted him to need her. He hadn't done anything wrong now and she wanted to show him that. She walked up to him, jumped up on him, and kissed him. Only this time she was the one who was rough. Her lips were tight on his, her grip was tight around his neck. At that moment he realized so much what he had missed and he also realized that she had missed him too. So he grabbed her and put her on the sofa. He knelt in front of her and put his hands on her knees. Slowly he pushed up her dress and reached for her panties. Chichi tilted her head back and Sunoh moaned softly as the fabric slid over her legs. He stroked her thighs while slowly spreading her legs. And everything that came after that was just hot. Only their moans sounded in the room, it only smelled of them. All senses were captured and both melted into one another. After Sunoh licked his girlfriend to orgasm, they continued in the bedroom. They fucked and let their emotions and passion run wild. It wasn't the original sex they usually had. Both showed how much they missed each other, how much they needed each other.

When the two were out of breath in bed and hugged tightly together, he stroked her cheek. "I don't know what's going on with me today. I'm sorry." Sunoh sighed and he's thinking over everything he's done in the past few days. "If you've listened to me in the little time we've seen each other, then we could have saved ourselves a lot of problems." Chichi sighed and ran her fingers along his chest. "I've worked too much. I put so much pressure on myself because it's also about my brother’s album and my brother's debut. I don't want Kiwoo to have problems or difficulties because of me. I just want to give my best for my little brother." He sighed and Chichi was surprised how much had accumulated in him. "I understand, but Kiwoo will do it." She smiled and then kissed him gently. But then she got up and disappeared briefly from the bedroom. Sunoh was quite confused for a moment, but then Chichi came back with an envelope. "Kikuo gave this to me from my aunt." She handed him the white envelope and Sunoh accepted it in wonder. He took out the note and read everything. "That's a name and an address in Japan. That's in Minamiosumi, in the far south. What's there?" Sunoh put the note back and handed it back to Chichi. "The person always deposited the money that I received. The person is related to my mother." Chichi's eyes suddenly sparkled and somehow she had a glimmer of hope for a long time. "What do you want to do with it?", Sunoh asked further. Chichi smiled and looked deep into her boyfriends eyes. "Are we going to Japan?"

new generation masterlist

masterlist

#jaehyun #daddy jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jung jaehyun #nct #nct u #nct 127 #nct 2020 #jaehyun imagine

45 notes · View notes

idkhow-you-found-me-writing · 3 years

Text

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27690043

summary: “Bill, I’ve been partaking in the most serious process of thinking lately,” Ted confessed, his face sour as if he just finished devouring a whole basket of lemons. Bill gently took Ted’s hands into his. Ted was in total appreciation of that gesture. Small and yet meaningful. Very encouraging. Bill knew exactly how to provide the most resplendent support.

“What is it dude?” He looked somewhat concerned, what Ted guessed, was only fair after such a beginning of conversation. At least now they could match in their state of worry. Bill and Ted, always together.

Beautiful, sunny weather in San Dimas greatly contrasted with thoughts of the most troubling kind that were heavily clouding Ted’s mind.

Ted, just like any other teenager in the world, was in possession of an excessive number of struggles. School, the crushing pressure of being destined to bring world peace, trying to establish if it’s Bill’s turn to sleep at Ted’s or rather Ted’s turn to sleep at Bill’s. Well. There was a slight possibility of some of these being above your average teen struggle level. That was totally besides the point, though.

The point was that recently Ted started to face a whole other set of difficulties of the most surprising nature. Unexpected disturbances in his everyday life on itself were nothing new at this point, despite all the irony hidden in this statement. However, there was something differentiating the current problem from all the other ones. Something that had never happened to Ted before. He was totally terrified of sharing it with the most cherished boyfriend of his.

It wasn’t like Ted didn’t think Bill would be anything but the most understanding in this, or any, really, situation. Ted knew he would. And yet, that knowledge did nothing to reassure him. In many ways, it only made him feel even more odious for staying silent about it for a whole month now.

The thing was. It wasn’t the matter of fear of the negative reception. Yes, that would be the most non-non-bogus but Ted already established in his head that it wouldn’t happen. What scared him so much was giving it a sense of realness by speaking about it out loud. As long as nobody knew about his problem, it was totally like it didn’t exist at all. Ted wished he could be just as clueless as everybody else.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t possible. Not now, at least. Not after losing countless nights of sleep over this. And this was exactly why Ted was currently standing before Bill’s house, at eleven p.m., with just enough money for two slushies in his pocket. The front door was locked so he rang the bell two times. As usual, it was Bill who opened the door.

“Ted!” Bill exclaimed, his eyes sparking in excitement. They haven’t seen each other for hours now, after all. He started air-guitaring and Ted instantly joined in. “How’s it hangin’, dude?”

“Wanna go to Circle K with me? I can be the one to pay for our slushies this time”

“My most excellent companion, you knew exactly what I needed right now.” Bill smiled at him and Ted could feel his face getting hotter. It’s been some time now since they started dating but he still couldn’t get used to being called things like this. It felt the most triumphant, to be loved.

What didn’t feel the most triumphant, however, was the awareness of the utelier motive behind their outing. The thought of it was eating Ted for the whole duration of their trip to the petrol station. Bill must have quickly caught on that something was up if his occasional worried glances were anything to go by. Ted squeezed his hand in reasurance each time. They were going to talk about it in just a moment.

***

Bill and Ted sat on their usual spot, each holding a beverage of choice in their right hand. For a moment, nobody said anything, the only sounds breaking the silence being cars driving. After the process of devouring the drinks was completed, Ted was ready to speak. He put down the empty cup and directed all of his attention towards Bill. It was the time.

“Bill, I’ve been partaking in the most serious process of thinking lately,” Ted confessed, his face sour as if he just finished devouring a whole basket of lemons. Bill gently took Ted’s hands into his. Ted was in total appreciation of that gesture. Small and yet meaningful. Very encouraging. Bill knew exactly how to provide the most resplendent support.

“Remember when you told me how you are a dude, not a babe?” Bill only nodded, not wanting to disturb the other. Just like Ted stated a very second ago, the most encouraging. So far everything was going stellar. “I’ve noticed that living as a dude is a totally unsatisfactory experience for me. But the prospects of being a babe doesn’t sound the most joycefull either.”

Ted’s shoulders sagged in contempt. Captain Logan was right, there must be something wrong with him. Maybe he shouldn’t have-.

Bill managed to stop Ted’s non-non-odious train of thoughts before it completely got out of hand by hugging him firmly. Ted immediately leaned into the embrace, sticking his face into the space between Bill’s neck and shoulder. For a moment, the whole world, along with the time, ceased to exist. There was no past, no future. Only now, here in each other’s arms.

After a while that felt like an eternity but most probably took about no more than 5 minutes, Ted found himself calm again. He considered moving away for a second but ultimately decided against it. He nuzzled against Bill’s neck to reach the height of comfort. Bill, knowing too well what the most outstanding colleague of his was doing, started playing with his hair. Ted almost forgot about what he even had been panicking about.

“Dud-, I mean Ted, It’s totally triumphant if you aren’t a dude. Or a babe. You hear me, Ted?” Bill tightened the hug again. Ted was almost sure he was about to cry but the reasoning behind it left him clueless. “You are still the most excellent without being any of these, okay? You just have to be you. That’s it.”

Ted wasn’t crying. He was not. Just. Sniffing a little. Nothing serious or worth noting. With a tear or two escaping his eyes. Okay, no. He was fully sobbing at this point. Ted had no idea how much he needed to hear those words.

“It’s totally cool, the most esteemed partner of mine. I’m here with you.” Bill let the silence take over for a second. Perhaps there was a way of helping Ted in this perplexing discovery of self. Bill kissed his companion on the head. He had an idea how to do just that.

“You know how I started visiting the library when I realised I might not be a babe, right?” A low hum near his ear, “I found that I could be a dude, however there were also saying that they are neither of those and it’s the most bodacious too. You want to go there to read about all of this?” A very excited nod, “That's stellar, Ted. We can go tomorrow if you’d like..”

“No way, dude! I totally had no idea it was in the realm of possibility. You brought some non-non-non-egregious news to me. We should totally go there.” Ted was able to find his voice again. Everything was always so easy with Bill. Despite just being done with crying, Ted could feel his heart swelling with emotions once more. He quickly kissed Bill on both of his cheeks and air-guitared. Now, much better.

“Yes way! I'm gonna pick you up at noon and later eat dinner at my place. Missy made an oath to prepare the most unrivalled meal.” Ted happiness was, as per usual, the most effortless to get affected by. With his smile brighter than a sun and blush apparent on his face, Ted simply looked too dazzling like this. Bill couldn’t help but kiss him on the nose. Ted’s blush became three shades darker. Stellar. Bill started air-guitaring and Ted joined right in. “Oh, I have a question of the utmost importance, can I still call you a dude, Ted?”

“I don’t know yet, dude. It’s still totally new to me.” Ted's face became sour again. Being now in a position to choose things like this sounded like a lot of responsibility- something Ted historically, in every sense of this word, hadn't been adequate at. "Right now it brings me rather bogus thoughts."

Bill nodded sincerely, totally understanding the situation.

“No problem, my most treasured pardner.” Bill ginned wildly, forgetting about the supposed seriousness of this moment in less than a second. He was used to calling Ted one, however that didn’t mean things couldn’t change. That scored him another smooch, this time on the lips. “We can also look for some new ways to address you. That way nobody will think you're a dude when I talk about you. I think people called them neon pronouns.”

“That's the most triumphant idea, Bill. I've never been this excited at the thought of going to the library. Or at all, really.”

“Fuck yeah. I think you could totally rock even the most neon of pronouns, Ted.”

Ted giggled at that. Everything was always so easy with Bill. But nothing could be easier than loving him.

#bnt #bill and ted #bill x ted #bill s preston esquire #ted theodore logan #my writing

16 notes · View notes

flightsoffandom · 4 years

Text

The Case

(The Sitter Part 5)

Pairs: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Words: 3136

Summary: You officially get to meet the members of the BAU when Aaron presents your case to his team.

Warnings: Swearing, canon-typical violence, mentions of reader’s family’s death, mentions of child death

Notes: Left completely gender-neutral. Collab Series I am doing with the ever amazing @dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal If you are interested in being tagged in the future parts of this comment on this or send me an ask.

Continuation of The Sitter: Part 1–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4–Part 5*

The car ride wasn’t incredibly long. Aaron used this time to ask you questions and get at least a basic understanding of what happened. When you get to Quantico* Aaron leads you inside the large building.

You followed Aaron to the conference room where the team was already gathered. Garcia looked at the unit chief and said, “I actually don’t have any information about this case, sir.”

As she finished speaking you noticed all eyes on you. The team was curious about the person they had never met standing in the room.

“They’re probably profiling me.” You thought.

“That’s because we haven’t been called. This is not an official case yet, so anyone that agrees to work the case will be doing so on personal time. You can leave now or wait for the details and then decide.” Aaron looked at each member of his team.

Not a single team member flinched when offered the chance to leave.

Aaron walked to what could be considered the head of the round table, “It’s a five-year-old triple homicide. A man, a woman, and a child. Leaving one survivor.” Aaron motions over to you.

Even as Aaron spoke each team member alternated looking over at you. You tried to slink back into the shadows so you could hide. You only knew the team members from scattered descriptions Aaron had given you when talking about his coworkers. So you had a vague idea of who they were.

A muscular man, who you were assuming was Derek Morgan, spoke up, “No offense…” Derek looks right over at you before turning back to Aaron, “Even with three murders, there isn’t any proof that it’s serial.”

Aaron practically throws the taunt of a birthday card down onto the middle of the table, “We at least have a threat of further violence. I think that is enough to warrant us looking into it.”

The card is passed around as each member looks it over.

When it reaches an older gentleman who must be David Rossi, “Normally I would say get this to forensics but it seems a bit too late for that.” Rossi turns to look at a brightly colored woman sitting off to the side, who could only be Penelope, “Garcia, look and see if you can find any similar murders.” Rossi hands the card to the much younger man next to him as he finishes speaking, “I have a feeling five years ago wasn’t his first time and he probably hasn't stopped killing for five years either.”

Penelope gets an annoyed almost repulsed look on her face, “Unfortunately one of the things I have learned working at this job is there are a lot of icky... icky people out there. I don’t think that will be a small list.”

A young man with long hair was now holding your card, studying it intently as he speaks, “Birthdays are held in very high regard in some places while others find Name days more important.” As soon as he started talking you knew that this was Spencer. Spencer kept going, almost like he was lost in his own train of thought, “Harvard University did a study. From 1973 to 1999 the most common birthday was September 16th. This was later updated by a different study with September 9th being the most common birthday from 1994 to 2014.”

The whole table just stared at Spencer trying to figure out where he was going with this.

A blonde-haired woman, presumably JJ spoke up, “Spence!”

Spencer looked over at JJ with a confused look.

JJ tilts her head and rubs the side of her neck, trying to redirect her friend, “The point?”

Spencer’s eyes go wide for a moment before refocusing back onto the card in his hands, “Try narrowing it down by seeing if any of the children were murdered on their birthday.”

Your throat closes up for a moment. You had let yourself get lost in how the team worked together for a moment. Under different circumstances, this would have been morbidly interesting. But as soon as murdered children got brought up, mental images of Sammy’s last birthday came crashing onto you. You felt yourself getting emotional again. You tried to control yourself, not wanting to go into a full-on breakdown in front of new people.

Aaron noticed your reaction immediately. He addressed the team, “That’s a good start for now. If you are all fine with continuing this case on personal time then let’s get to work.”

Aaron walks over to you but before he can say anything a dark-haired woman speaks up. Even if you didn’t have a description of what she looked like, there was only one last team member, Emily.

Emily stands up, “I agree we have a case but we will need to talk to them for more information.” She offers you a smile, trying to comfort you.

Aaron replies without even looking back at Emily, “Not right now.”

Aaron’s voice came out slightly harsher and more defensive than before. You noticed it and the collective looks the team shared revealed that they clearly noticed as well. Aaron doesn’t say anything else to the team.

Aaron starts leading you out of the conference room, “Why don’t you sit in my office while me and my team keep working on this?”

Aaron’s voice was already noticeably sweeter than it was a few moments ago. If you were less emotional you would have questioned it more. You were just glad to be out of that room for a moment. You wanted to help any way you could but it was too much in such a short period of time for you that you were glad for the break.

Aaron led you into his office, “Make yourself comfortable. If you need anything you have my number. I’ll be busy but if you call I’ll answer.”

You sit down on the couch in his office and offer a nod, “Thank you.” You weren’t sure what else to say given the situation.

Aaron went to leave but he stopped, “Please stay in the building. I can keep you safe in here.”

You give him another nod, “Of course.”

As Aaron leaves, the look on his face is so intense you're not sure if you’ve seen him like this before. Figuring he must always act like this at work.

After Aaron left you left completely alone. Just sitting in his office by yourself. You were exhausted but couldn't sleep even if you wanted to. Not that you wanted to, considering you could practically feel the nightmares that would come to you in your dreams. Sitting on the couch for a while you started to notice that every time a team member walked passed the office windows that they would try to ‘discreetly’ look at you through the window. You would think that profilers would be better at not being so obvious. Feeling like you were in a fishbowl you couldn't help but pace around the office. You're not sure how much time had passed but you were still pacing and on edge. Someone opened the door causing you to practically jump out of your skin. You turned to see who it was.

Penelope had a guilty look on her face, “I am so so sorry. Didn't mean to scare you.” She walks further into the room, “You must be starving. Some Triple-S is inorder and Triple-A isn’t just for cars, honey.”

You give her a confused look, not sure if you heard her correctly, “Sorry, I’m not sure what you’re talking about.”

Penelope laughs “I have a secret snack stash and absolutely adorable animal videos that you have to see right this moment.”

Penelope didn't even give you a chance to answer before she grabs your wrist and starts leading you out of the room and down the stairs. She wasn't giving you much of a choice but you knew Penelope was being nice and trying to make you feel better. Penelope led you out of the bullpen and down the hall before pulling you into a room. It was full of computers and would have looked like what you'd expect a government computer room to look like, except for the additional decorations. Lots of brightly colored objects filled the room. Small stuffed animals, squishy stress toys, fuzzy pens. It may not have been your style but you'd be lying if you did not admit that it was somewhat comforting to see all these cute things.

Penelope sat you down at an extra chair in front of the computers, “I have a whole hard drive full of cute stuff that always makes me feel better.” She pulls up a folder and clicks on a video.

Penelope then pulls out a huge bag and places it in between you both. It was full of every snack you could think of.

You couldn't bring yourself to eat at the moment but you appreciated all the effort, “Thank you it means a lot.”

Penelope offers you a big smile and lets out a happy hum as she grabs a snack for herself and joins you in watching videos. A few videos in you actually find yourself being able to relax and almost forgetting the reason you came here. It was still in the back of your mind but suppressed enough that you found yourself able to laugh along with Penelope as you both kept bingeing cute animal videos. Easily losing track of time.

Penelope's laptop over to the side dings. She rolls over and starts typing away, working on something. She then pulls out her phone and starts texting someone on. You watch Penelope for a moment, setting a range of emotions on her face.

Once she gets a response to her text she looks up and smiles at you, “Looks like our little heartwarming party has to come to a close” She stands up and offers her hand to you, “For now.” She says it in a playfully menacing voice.

You take Penelope's hand and she helps you up. Penelope proceeds to lead you back out of her office and towards the bullpen. When you get within earshot you can hear Aaron speaking. You walk into the room and Aaron watches you for a moment before wrapping up.

“It’s late everyone. Everyone go home and get some rest. We’ll meet back here in the morning at 8.” Aaron announced to the group.

As everyone filed out of the room Hotch called for you to wait, “y/n, I think you should stay with me tonight. It’s not safe for you to go home and be alone. Especially when we know that the killer knows where you live.”

“I can’t do that Aaron. It’s bad enough I’m endangering all of you guys, I can’t put Jack at risk too.”

“How about this, stay with me tonight while Jack is at his sleepover, and tomorrow we’ll find somewhere else for you to stay?”

You hesitated but you knew he wasn’t going to give up on this so you agreed.

****

The two of you walked inside and he showed you the guest room. That’s when you realized something.

“Dammit. I left my suitcase at my house so I don’t have any clothes.”

“You can borrow some of mine to sleep in and you have an outfit in the bottom drawer of that dresser.” He pointed at one of two that were in the room.

“Thank you, Aaron.” You smiled graciously.

He brought you some clothes to sleep in and you both got ready for bed. Before he went to his room you said, “Hey Aaron, do you think you could teach me how to shoot tomorrow?”

He looked at you and nodded, “Yeah, we can go to the gun range tomorrow morning if we go in early.”

“Sounds good. Thank you. For everything.” You said earnestly.

“Of course y/n. Goodnight.” With that, you both went to bed.

****

The two of you had eaten breakfast quickly and made coffee before heading into the gun range in the FBI building.

He started going over gun safety with you in the car. He wanted you to have that down before he taught you how to actually shoot.

“Alright y/n, treat, never, keep, keep?” This is the last question he had for you.

“Treat every weapon as if it was loaded. Never point a weapon at anything you don’t intend to shoot. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot. Keep the safety on until you are ready to fire.” You smiled at him.

“Good job y/n. I think you’re ready.” He gave you a small smile back.

****

He had his arms around you with his hands over yours on his handgun. “Remember to squeeze the trigger slowly.”

You didn’t respond, instead you leaned back into him and pulled the trigger.

After emptying the magazine, he got your target to see how you did.

“Good job y/n! You’re a great shot.” He gives you a tight hug. Your heart fluttered. You decided to ignore it.

He let go of you and you smiled at him, “Thanks, Aaron. You’re a good teacher.”

“We better get going,” Aaron said checking his watch, “The rest of the team should be in soon.”

When the two of you walked into the bullpen, Rossi was the only one there. The rest of the team arrived over the course of the next twenty minutes.

Now you were in Aaron’s office with him, Agent Rossi, and Agent Reid. You and Aaron were sitting on the couch next to each other situated so that you were facing each other. The other two agents were standing by his desk.

Aaron was speaking to you in a soothing tone. “Y/n, I want to do a cognitive interview okay?”

You nodded even though you didn’t know what that meant. Your confusion showed on your face so he explained what was going to happen.

“I’m going to have you close your eyes for me and we’re going to go back to the day it happened. Rossi and Reid are just going to observe. I’m going to walk you through it.” He looked at you with concern in his eyes.

You just nodded and closed your eyes in response.

“Okay y/n, go back to that day. Start right before you leave your house.” Aaron said to you.

“I had hidden Sammy’s gift at my friend’s house to make sure they wouldn’t find it. It was something they had been asking for for months.

’I’m going to go pick up Bean‘s present,’ I told my family after lunch. ’I’ll be back in 45 minutes.’

“Okay honey, see you soon.” My mom said, kissing the top of my head. ‘Drive safe, love you.’ My dad called out to me. ’I will! Love you too!’ I called back.”

You had tears running down your face at this point. Aaron had put his hands over yours at some point.

“Okay, what happened when you got home?” Aaron asked.

“‘I’m back!’ I called in a sing-song voice as you opened the door.

’Sorry I’m late. Traffic.’ I set the package inside and closed the door before walking into the living room.”

Your eyes shot open and you started breathing harder until you were hyperventilating as you got to the next part of the memory.

Aaron rubbed his hand across your back until you were breathing normally again.

“I know it’s hard y/n but can you please try to remember for me? Can you go back?”

You nodded your head and continued, tears still running down your face.

“As soon as I was in the doorway, I screamed. My entire family was laying in the living room, covered in blood. ‘Sammy! Mom! Dad! What happened?’ I yelled frantically as I dialed 911 and ran over to Sammy. Eventually, the police and paramedics arrived but it was too late.”

“Okay y/n, I know this is a lot but I need you to go back to when you opened the door. Look around. Is there anything out of the ordinary?”

“Um-there’s uh-a vase missing off of the shelf.” You hoped this helped somehow.

“Okay, now I need you to walk into the living room and see if it’s there.”

You started shaking but did what he said. You looked around and tried your hardest to keep breathing. You felt his arm around your shoulder.

“No it’s not he-oh it’s in pieces. There’s pieces of it all over the floor.”

“Where at y/n? What part of the floor?”

“It’s over by Sammy.” You said. And with that, you lost it. You were shaking and crying and you could barely breathe. “I can’t-I can’t Aaron. I ca-can’t”

“Shh shhh. It’s okay y/n.” He was rubbing your back again. You heard his door open and close as the other agents left. You had forgotten that they were here.

“Couldn’t keep them safe.” You mumbled.

He wrapped his arms around you and held you against him. “What did you say?” He asked quietly.

You looked up at him. “The night before they came into my room because they were afraid of monsters. I promised Sammy that I would always keep them safe. I failed.”

“It’s not your fault y/n. You can’t blame yourself.”

You opened your mouth to argue and he cut you off, “Trust me. I’ve been there. You’ve seen me there. I was there after Haley died. It doesn’t help anything.”

He wrapped his arms back around you and just let you cry for a little while.

While he was holding you, you realized something. You felt safe. For the first time since you found the notes on the flowers. You also realized that your love for Aaron had grown past that of a friend. You were in love with him. And you felt guilty for feeling such things in your current situation. You decided to deal with that later though.

After a while he got up to help the team work the case, “I’m going to go help the team catch this guy, okay? You can stay in here as long as you need to.”

You nodded at him and offered a small smile before he walked out the door.

****

You walked to the conference room but stopped outside the doorway, hidden from the view of anyone inside, when you heard your name.

It was Aaron and Dave talking. “We’re just good friends Dave. They watch Jack for me and we have gotten close, but that’s all it is with y/n”

“Whatever you say, Aaron.” Rossi replied with a smirk.

They ended the conversation and you waited a few seconds before entering so that they wouldn’t know you had been listening.

Continuation of The Sitter: Part 1–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4–Part 5*

Tags: @shrimpyblog @hommoturttle @winterscaptain @jovialtimetravelgladiator @lex-is-a-shipper @cypherthetransmasc

#Criminal Minds #aaron hotchner x reader #gender neutral #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #gender neutral reader #hotch x reader #reader insert #slow burn #series #aaron hotchner #fanfiction #fanfic #collab #TheSitterCollab

81 notes · View notes

spoppersonality · 4 years

Text

SPOP Character Typing: Adora

ESTJ, 9w1, 953, so/sp

I’ve seen Adora typed as ESFJ and ENFJ, and I get why people don’t think she seems “hard” enough to be an extroverted thinking dominant type. But I think this is exactly the kind of mistype that happens when people don’t know Enneagram. Adora is an interesting mix because she has a super soft Enneagram core type and a harder “take-charge” MBTI type.

So, let’s get into that.

MBTI: ESTJ

I think what people forget when they type Adora as an extroverted feeling dominant type, is how incredibly personal and tactful Fe-doms are. (On a good day, anyway.) Adora, however, tends to be more impersonal and straight-to-the-point. Te-doms can also come off as people-oriented, that is not exclusive to Fe-doms, but they go about it differently. There is an Fe-dom in the Best Friends Squad, but that is not Adora.

If you think about it, Adora is a very classic Te-Si type. She likes rules and has a natural inclination towards implementing those rules in a very practical, hands-on type of manner. She’s very action oriented. She sees what needs to be done, and does it. ESTJs are highly effective in the sense that they don’t often stop to ask as much questions as some other types. They go about things based on what gets them from point A to point B, and what has worked in the past, or how they are used to doing things. They can also get quite hooked in moving from one plateau to the next in a routinely manner. This can often be how ESTJs go through life, if they don’t stop to think about why they are doing what they are doing, and specifically what personal values drive their actions. No wonder ESTJs are generally the jockiest jocks to ever jock.

Being a Te-dom doesn’t mean you’re not empathetic. Adora definitely is. It just means that you primarily show it through action. If a friend cries, for an Fe-dom the most natural course of action may be to sit with them and listen, and for a Te-dom it might be eliminating the reason for the crying. This is overly simplified of course, and real people as well as good fictional characters are multifaceted, but you get the idea. This is how Adora most often works. It’s not: “Catra, I can see something is bothering you, do you want to talk about it?” It’s: “Let’s take a skiff for a ride to cheer you up.”

Adora can also be quite funny in a random seeming way, which is due to her tertiary extroverted intuition. ESTJs and ESFJs (tert Ne-types) are often one of the most hilarious people alive, because they like to use their extroverted intuition in tandem with their dominant function. The level of control they have over it isn’t often that great, so it comes off as child-like randomness. Their first two functions lead them towards order and predictability, but when Ne comes into play and they venture out of their usual habits, they may surprise you. The results might be unpredictable: Turns out licking sand didn’t work for Adora but with the help of her friends she managed to play Double Trouble’s game nicely.

In general ESTJs are not in their comfort zone with Ne-type of creativity or innovation but they are not hopeless with it. Adora struggles with the more unpredictable qualities of her sword, like turning it into different objects. She doesn’t use that quality too often and doesn’t have too much variety when she does. While Adora’s first instinct is to simply charge ahead, someone with high Ne would’ve been likely to utilize the flexible qualities of the sword to the max. But Adora can still manage it, her Ne isn’t low enough to be considered her Achille’s heel. She takes a bit of time with it but eventually comes up with solutions that work, such as carrying her sword as a bracelet.

Introverted feeling is what Adora desperately needs in her life and has trouble figuring out. If you think about Fi-doms, they are people who spend a lot of time thinking about who they are, what they want, what they value, and their life builds around that. It’s their most natural state, thinking about whether or not everything they face is something they like/dislike, if it’s good/bad, right/wrong, desirable or not, them or not them.

This is what makes the planets align for an ESTJ. They neglect this function, and when they finally start developing it, the whole world is new for them. This is very literal in Adora’s case, it’s like Etheria’s magic is waking up with her introverted feeling. (Because when all your four functions finally align it IS magic.) That function, introverted feeling, is essentially where she keeps her love for Catra, or rather, it’s the function she needs to be able to make one person, whether it’s Catra or herself, a priority. Te is a rather utilitarian function, and since Adora leads with that and has internalized the belief that her desires don’t matter, there’s nothing in her dominant extroverted thinking process that would justify her “selfish” desires. Te cares about numbers, masses and large scale consequences. She needs Fi, the function that is all about individuality, and essentially yourself. We know how much it takes for that function to surface for her, but when it does, oh boy.

Enneagram

Core type: 9

As a type 9, Adora comes off as unassuming, warm and friendly. 9’s are all about forgiveness, self-neglect and acceptance.

9 is the most “traditionally selfless” type, because unlike Enneagram 2s for example, 9s don’t expect anything in return for what they give to others. Adora’s upbringing has magnified that quality in her (which was obviously very intentional from Shadow Weaver). 9s also have a natural tendency to ignore negative feelings, so they can keep feeling “okay” and unaffected by the external world. This quality makes 9s susceptible to staying in bad situations and bad relationships for a very long time, because they so persistently see the good in others. This is why it took Adora so long, and why she needed evidence that was impossible to ignore to realize that the Horde didn’t have a good cause. 9s are conflict-avoidant because they fear loss and separation above all. That’s why Adora too is such a people pleaser. She would rather live in “fake” harmony, than be the one to create conflict that causes emotional pain. Unfortunately, that’s exactly why 9s sometimes upset others. Like how Adora is unwilling to do anything that would get her on Shadow Weaver’s bad side, which hurts Catra. Or how she pretends to be the She-Ra Plumerians expect her to be so she wouldn’t disappoint them, which only leads her to disappoint them more later. It’s very classic 9 of her to let things develop to a point where everything comes crashing down before addressing the conflict she really needs to address. 9s tend to go with the flow, and sometimes too far.

One of the big things with 9s is that they lack a solid sense of self. They are out of touch with their needs, desires, and identity. Another thing that Shadow Weaver magnified in Adora. Basically, if you break a 9’s sense of self-worth far enough, they’ll become a blank canvas for others to write on, because they already believe they are somehow inherently “less” than others. They always assume to be the least important person in the room. As a 9, what being She-Ra essentially meant to Adora was being everyone else’s servant. For other types it would have meant different things, like to a type 4 it would have been about having personal significance in the world, and to a 3 it would have essentially been about being a celebrity. As a 9 Adora was also one of the most likely people to just roll with it. Like, if you threw something like that at a type 6, they would have most likely just bolted, and half of the storyline would’ve been about “I can’t/don’t want to do this!”. (=a tip for anyone who wants to write certain role swap AUs. ;D)

As a 9, Adora integrates to 3, so at her best mental state, she becomes driven, ambitious, present, and sees her value as a person. She’s no longer someone things happen to, but she’s the driving force in changing her life and the things around her. She disintegrates to 6, so in times of prolonged stress she can get easily irritable, pessimistic, and feel helpless.

Wing: 1

This is where Adora gets her grit, and the moralizing side to her character. Having a strong 1-wing definitely helped her survive in the Horde but it also frequently adds fuel to her self-sacrificing: it’s so easy to back up that 9 quality by telling herself it’s “the right thing to do”. The Right Thing is all 1 cares about. It also plays directly into her dominant Te tendency to follow rules, and makes her the typical “Lawful Good” type of person. Catra’s accusation that Adora “thinks she’s better than everyone” doesn’t miss the mark too far. Even though Adora isn’t a core 1, and as such her whole identity isn’t wrapped up in being morally superior, she does care about having integrity to a certain extend. So, maybe she doesn’t literally think she’s better than everyone, but she still strives to be above certain things, and hates the idea of being “bad”.

Head fix: 5

This is largely where Adora’s nerdy side comes from. 5s want to be competent, and they hate not knowing what to do, so they want a lot of information. Not knowing and not understanding frightens them. The most blatant expression of this with Adora is probably the whole thing with the princess prom. This side of her comes to surface when she can’t just adapt (=9) or do the right thing (=1). 5 is also detached and uncomfortable with their feelings, so this only strengthens Adora’s 9-tendency to not address hers. 5s are also big on compartmentalizing, so this greatly helps Adora to entertain certain difficult realities inside herself as if it’s nothing, such as Catra is an enemy she routinely fights, but she would also die for her in a heartbeat.

Heart fix: 3

If none of the three other strategies work, Adora will try to solve things and get people on her side by showing off. 3s want to be viewed as valuable and useful by others, and in Adora’s case it’s probably best seen in the way she acts when she meets Huntara. 3 is where she gets her cocky side. It’s a funny contrast with her humble 9-core, and in most cases she only has enough confidence to act like this when she’s with Catra, or when she’s She-Ra. Having a 3-fix also plays into her need to be useful, because while 9s often want to be useful to excuse their existence, 3s also want to hear that they are useful, so whatever little vanity Adora has will always directly reinforce the idea that good things come from her overexerting herself.

Instinctual Variant: so/sp

Social instinct is Adora’s primary instinct. She has a natural inclination to play by the rules of the group and acknowledge hierarchy, because social variants get safety from belonging and having a place, a role, in something bigger than themselves. Even though she has her hero complex, she doesn’t tend to fly solo until the stakes are really high. She never questions the Princess Alliance, it’s simply natural for her to move from one group to another, and that She-Ra’s strength belongs for the rebellion. She doesn’t really seem to get why some other people don’t seek the strength in numbers. Losing She-Ra also primarily means losing her place in the group for her, and she very much struggles to accept this.

Self-preservation instinct is Adora’s secondary one. It may seem like it isn’t because she’s so ready to die for others, but self-preservation isn’t really about that. It’s more about being preoccupied with questions of resources. Like, after turning against the Horde, Adora isn’t just concerned about losing the support of the group, her mind also immediately goes to “I don’t have a roof over my head”. She’s not as particular about having her physical needs met as a primary self-pres would be, but it’s included in her priorities. She feels out of place in Bright Moon because she’s used to different kind of surroundings, and losing She-Ra’s power is a hard blow because of losing the physical strength she has as She-Ra: her means for providing physical safety for others. She also desires some amount of independence, and She-Ra gave her that as well.

Sexual instinct is what Adora needs more in her life. That’s so tied to the whole point of the show that I’m not even sure what would be worthwhile for me to say about it at this point. The whole conflict between her and Catra relates so closely to it. Adora will routinely make sacrifices in her personal relationships for the common good, because one-to-one relationships are not her first concern in life. People who neglect their sexual instinct are uncomfortable with their more “primal” and intense feelings, so even in her closest relationships Adora is more about being friendly and accommodating and showing warm feelings to the other. She doesn’t have the “let me stare you deep into the eyes for hours and drown myself in them” quality that is characteristic of the sexual instinct. However, this is exactly the part she needs to accept in herself to be fully satisfied and to take her relationships to another level.

SPOP is so juicy because it’s so much about personal growth. We see Adora face pretty much every weakness and blind spot that relates to her personality, and we get to see her change for the better. At least that makes it very satisfying for me to analyse, because I’m such a fan of growth. Can’t wait to get to analyse the other main characters, and the supporting cast too.

Also, if you wish I would do a particular character, just tell me and I’ll take that into consideration!

#adora #estj #type 9 #spop mbti #spop enneagram

24 notes · View notes

cosmiclatte28 · 4 years

Text

TEMPO (racer! reader x sehun, nct and exo) #1

This is a 5 part story of Racer!you x Sehun, however your squad is made up of NCT members.. so this is kinda exo x nct x you!

ENJOYYY I HOPE THIS 5 PART STORY DOESN’T LET YOU DOWN... The parts will be posted every day.. so watch out for Thursday to Sunday

WARNING : WILD RACING, SMOKING (DON’T OKAY PLEASE, EVEN I do not smoke.. ps my reader here uses “hyung” to address men because she is raised like a boy.

NCT boys here are Jaehyun, Taeyong, Yuta, Johnny

*******************************

Sehun dishevels his dark brown locks once again as his fingers constantly press a button on his remote control. The screen in front of him blinks and shows different pictures which fail to grab his attention.

Sehun sighs in agony. It’s Saturday night and he has nothing to do, no one to get laid, and no reasons to sleep yet. Now he realizes how lonely he is after he broke up with his previous girl friend who sneaked behind him to get into his best friend’s (Kai) pants. Yes Sehun dated her for a good two years and in the last three months she slept with Kai. He caught her red handed when he came to Kai’s room; unplanned, to take the homework he left. That day ended his relationship with the girl and his friendship with Kai.

Sehun has been doing well the past few months forgetting the memories, leaving Kai behind, and moving on. He is thankful for Johnny and his friends who accept him nicely into the gang. Sehun does not meet his fellow friends: Chanyeol and Baekhyun as frequent as he did before mainly because Kai shares an apartment with them. Sehun met Johnny from his philosophy class and they happen to have the same hobby, therefore they start to be best friends.

Usually on Saturday nights, Sehun has some fun with Chanyeol and the others; probably catching on with their games, talking about some girls here and there, Baekhyun challenges them for a match in PUBG, Suho annoys them with his dad jokes, Lay and Chanyeol might work on their music, and Kai? He’ll be with Sehun laughing their ass off when Baekhyun lost a game. Hufth he really misses Kai, but at the same time he hates him with all his heart. How could a best friend do that?

But truth is : best friends are the ‘best’ back-stabber right?

Sehun turns his TV off when he heard a knock on the door. Lazily he proceeds to grab the door.

“Yeah-“ he opens the door to see the person disturbing his peaceful night- “Oh, it’s you.”

Sehun steps aside to let the man behind the door in.

“What is it Johnny?” Sehun questions when the tall man makes his way to his cooler and ponders over the glass to pick which drink he wants.

Johnny grabs a can of Carlsberg, pops it open and quenches his thirst. Sehun rolls his eyes then snaps, “If you’re only here for my drinks… put some dollars there and leave.”

Johnny takes his time to finish the last drop and after applying pressure to crumple the can he finally speaks up.

“I see you have no company tonight. The TVs are boring, mind to follow me?” he asks while tossing the unformed can between his hands.

“What? Where?” Sehun deems more explanation.

“Somewhere you might never have been before-“ he glances at his wrist and back to Sehun “the offer’s short. Are you coming or not?”

Sehun looks puzzled. Johnny out of the blue knocked his apartment door, finished a can of beer, and suddenly asked him to join him.

“It will be interesting I promise. At least more interesting than sitting in your dull apartment crying over your ex.” Johnny shrugs his shoulder playfully and tosses the can to the bin.

“Fine. I agree just because I have nothing to do, and seeing you made time to come and pick me up… it better be something good.” Sehun jogs and grabs his denim jacket and jumps into his boots. Judging by Johnny’s fashion he knows a sneaker won’t do good.

“Nice choice. You’re quick in observing eh?” Johnny slaps his back and walks out of the small flat.

“Walk faster please.” With that one sentence, Sehun locks his door and catches up his friend’s long steps.

Sehun finds out that they are not alone. He sees Taeyong, Jaehyun, and Yuta lounging over the basement smoking a stick of cigarette.

“You’re finally here! Took you almost one box of this.” Jaehyun playfully shakes the half empty cigarette box. (The four shares them, duhh)

“Where’s your manner-” Sehun smirks and opens his hand to which Yuta quickly places a bar “-thank you! Now shall we get going?”

Taeyong laughs at his arrogance. “I don’t promise you will like where we’re headed. Note that it’s our job-“ he points at himself then to Yuta and Jaehyun “- Johnny is only accompanying us and we think you’ll be lonely after your drama… so let’s see how this goes.”

Sehun keeps his mouth close and follows them into their car. After an hour drive out of the city, they reach a vast crowded area on the outskirt of the busy streets. There are no tracks or path there, but judging by the numerous two wheeled vehicles and spot lights exposing a route, Sehun knows they are in a wild motor tracking area. He did not know these 4 calm looking guys are into this kind of sport, but that explains their fashion style! Lots of leathers, tight pants, chains, and that smoldering look.

Sehun jumps off the car and looks around for a while; just to realize he is no longer with the gang. He lost them, but before catching up, he decided to look around for a little while.

The brunette is mesmerized by the shining slim bodies of the motors. There are several bikes displayed nicely side by side, each one having their own personal strikes of colors and styles. One motor caught his attention, the simplest one, with just a sticker of 127 in a bold neon green prints. He carefully runs his finger through the neat numbers then quickly pulls them back when a small voice calls him.

“Hey-“ the person taps his shoulder “- I believe we are not to touch any thing used for the race. People might claim it for cheating if something goes wrong later.”

Sehun bashfully keeps his hand together and apologizes “Oh! I’m sorry.” He brings his hand to his neck and slowly makes an eye contact to the girl, who called him off, in front of him.

“No worries, no one saw it except me. Besides you look new here.” She runs her eyes scanning him from top to bottom. She smiles when the flustered man gives out his hand “Sehun. Yes I’m new here. And you? You yourself looks a bit out of place here.”

Sehun clearly lost control of his mouth. How can he made such a blunt comment about this stunning girl across him. Yes she looks young, without her height people will definitely ban her to be here.

Right within his vision is a girl not taller than him, slightly shorter, wrapped in a comfortable ripped skinny black jeans and a white tee shirt with black leather jackets. Her long hair is neat under her cap. Her eyes are calm, her hair is strangely the cute hue of cotton candy, and her cute dimple smile defines the title of “nice cute girls you wish you can date” Sehun envies her eternal young genes. And yes he wonders why the hell is she here.

She seems taken aback by his comment, but plays along quickly “I’m also surprised I’m here. What brings you here?” She smoothly drives the conversation.

“I’m tagging along my friends… and I lost them when we arrived here-“ He cranes his neck over the crowds to look for his squad “-Johnny is over there. The others I don’t see them. No worries.”

She smiles and Sehun melts. “So you really don’t know what’s happening here?” she asks.

Sehun nods then darts his eyes to his surrounding. The crowd is moving to the sides when 10 motors are growling their engines on the starting line. The MC shouts some opening remarks.

Guess the first round is starting in 5 minutes. “I sense it’s some wild racing?” He returns his vision to the girl beside him.

“Right. As clear as a day. They do wild race here. Practically like Moto Gp but without the sponsors, live cam, and rules. It stands to its name. Wild race. No rules, just start from the starting line and find your way to the finish line.” without much emotion she explains it to Sehun.

“I don’t get it.. why are they doing this?” Sehun wonders. The first race started and he saw how dangerous this game is. “How do you determine the winner?” Sehun earlier saw someone walking around the crowds collecting moneys and he puts them under one box and gives it to the judge. Which they did not keep directly. He wonders if that is the betting money.

“The one not under drugs or booster, the one who reaches the finish line, and the one who performs best in the eyes of the judges. There’s some scoring system that I also don’t quite get it. Worry not there are medical team and a professional judge.” She looks into the distance: the dusty and dirty race track.

“What does the winner gets?” Sehun asks.

“Money. They win money and fame maybe. I am also like you. I don’t get this whole thing.” She shrugs her shoulder acting like she also doesn’t get why this thing is allowed.

Sehun secretly smiles at her comment. Funny how the two of them doesn’t like being here and happens to bump into each other. Just as he is about to dive deeper into the conversation, Johnny calls him and walks towards him.

“Looks like your friend is looking for you Sehun, I’ll be going. See you.. somewhere else.. I think you don’t like this thing and won’t be coming back!” she turns around.

“Yeah. It’s not my style… hey you haven’t tell me your name.” Sehun yells a bit. She successfully heard him and turns around her heels, “It’s (y/n)! See you on another chance!” she smiles, walks through the crowd and disappears.

“You’re here! I’ve been looking for you around. Come on let’s get ready the real deal is starting in 7 minutes.” Johnny grabs his hand and drags him to one side of the audience area.

They are simply standing by the opposing sides of the track. Between them are the racers and their motors. Sehun’s surprised when he sees the motor that caught his attention earlier. The 127 motor is there. “Where are Taeyong and the others?” Sehun raises his brow to Johnny.

“Right I forgot to tell you. Taeyong is a manager.. Jaehyun is the mechanic and Yuta-“ Sehun cuts him off “Yuta is the racer?”

“Yes but not for tonight. You’ll be surprised to know our racer.” Johnny speaks a bit louder to match the voice of the crowds and the engines. “They have the best player.. it’s that one.. the one with 127 printed on the jacket.” Johnny points at a person.

Sehun’s eyes widen when he coincidentally exchange gazes with the girl behind the helmet. She shoots him her playful shrugs and after putting on her helmet, she jumps over her seat and roars her engines. “(y/n)?” Sehun accidentally lets her name slips.

“Oh you know? Yeah it’s her. She’s been playing for three month and Taeyong has never been this proud. She’s the best he ever had.” Johnny comments while having his eyes locked on the racers and to the MC who begins to announce tonight’s line up.

“This race is open for all genders. Don’t be surprised. Oh tonight’s opponent is easy Sehun! It’s a real piece of cake.” Johnny claps excitedly on the contrary, Sehun is worried sick. Why must a girl like her compete in something dangerous and dirty like this.

The whistle is blown and the flags are down, the ten motors wildly accelerates through the dark dusty road and 300 meters to the race, three contestants are knocked down. 500 meters into the dark night another two falls. Sehun can’t see which one in the dark is (y/n) but he hopes she is not falling behind. He hopes with all his might she is okay and alright. Sehun knows falling down from a high speed motor cycle is not something small. He knows the danger and he is worried sick (y/n) will end like that.

“Johnny… tell me who are the competitors tonight.” Sehun tries his best to concentrate on the shadows in the dark. The lack of constant lighting made it hard to keep track of the racers. Only under the glowing street light can they see what’s happening. “Majority it’s men who are usually knocking each other down. No worries, (y/n) can easily win tonight.” Johnny seems to smell something from Sehun. He knows Sehun is interested at her. He’s not the type to get worried sick for someone he doesn’t care.

Finally Sehun can let go the breath he doesn’t know he’s been holding. Just like what Johnny said, he saw (y/n) made it first to the finish line and Taeyong and the rest cheers into a group hug. Johnny is also over the moon. Sehun made a mental note he doesn’t like this and he is not coming back. No! This is so dangerous for his heart. He isn’t in the race but he can feel the adrenaline and he hates that.

On the side next to the judges, Taeyong Jaehyun and Yuta hug each other and collected the money from the judges. He took a small number for his team and hands the rest to the champion.

(y/ n) took off her helmet, placed it on one of the bike hand and she counts her money happily. Her breath is still quick and short. Sehun can see it from the distant how adrenalines must still take over her body. She keeps her money inside her jacket and walks to the side to have a discussion with Taeyong. While Jaehyun takes over the motor to examine the damages, Yuta checks on her condition.

“Some scratches here and there… nothing dangerous.” Yuta smiles in relief.

“Jaehyun I think there’s something missing. Someone kicked me but I managed to keep my body on the jock. But please tell me something is missing coz I heard something drop.” (y/n) goes to bend beside Jaehyun who’s busy examining.

Taeyong pushes a bottle of energy drinks to her lips and she diligently finishes half of it.

“Whoah. Indeed someone managed to kick some parts away.. but worry not I’ll get this fixed. Your next race you’ll be the fastest again.” Jaehyun brings her bike to a carrier truck.

She can’t go home with that dirty bike. Besides the bike is modified for races not for daily use or even used in town.

“Okay. Good bye!” she bows and turns to rejoins her friends. They welcome her nicely and Taeyong Jaehyun Yuta returns to Johnny and Sehun.

“How is it Sehun? Surprised?” Jaehyun interrogates when they are on their way back home. They live in the same unit apartment. Sehun lives alone with his brother while the four shares a big house.

“I did not know these things are happening in real life. I thought I’d only see them in movies.” Sehun snickers.

Yuta laughs “I think you’ve talk a word or two with our Ace racer. What do you think of her?”

Sehun tries to keep his cool image but fails, “She doesn’t look like she belongs there. She’s cute.” He admits that.

The four boos him and teases him.

“Our Sehun will finally move on!” Taeyong screams.

“No! It’s not like that! I just met her.. that’s just my first impression. Besides I’m not returning to that hellish place.”

“Said the man who really gets nervous during the race.. asking me constant questions to ensure she is alright.” Johnny mocks Sehun. This stirs the car to laugh and Sehun quiet in his place. Blushing all the way home.

Sehun gets home with butterflies in his tummy. The short encounter was too short of his liking, but definitely planted deep inside his memory. His brother, Luhan, welcomes him home with tons of questions.

“Where are you from?”

“What makes you this weird?”

“Don’t tell me you found someone new?”

“Sehun you’re not answering me?! You’re not drunk right?”

“Hey Sehun! SEHUN! Come to your senses!”

Luhan upon Sehun’s arrival has bombarded him with questions. Hey Luhan knows the heart break Sehun went through and he knows that earlier he left Sehun for his date and when he returns quiet late, Sehun is not home yet. His mind quickly think where can he be. Probably a club? Or maybe the guys’ house. But seeing how Sehun’s shoes are dirty.. Luhan knows he is not drunk or back from playing PS.

“Hyung. I’m not drunk okay. I’m totally in my right mind and I’m just happy for tonight.”

“What do you do?”

“Fine if you insist. I watched a wild motor racing. Happy? Just because Taeyong is working there.”

“Right. Did you win or lose the bet?” Luhan expects his brother to gamble since he’s there.

To which surprisingly Sehun denies “You know I don’t gamble.”

Luhan rolls his eyes “Who knows something gets into you. Anyways since you’re home.. I’ll be sleeping. Nighty night big baby.”

“Please if you’re doing your business keep the moans low. I want to sleep without nightmares Sehun.” Luhan winks to his pants and closes his door.

Sehun grunts. Gosh why is he even having a tent right now between his tight pants. Gosh Luhan is really teasing him max. Why did he even have this boner right now?!

CONTINUE TO PART 2

18 notes · View notes