#i was WRECKED in general from the sheer emotion

[istoleyoursk1n]

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A Wretched Love

A Gn!Durge X Gortash short fic.

Featuring Angst 💀

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An alternative outcome to the Gortash boss fight.

The first fic I’ve done in years so let's see how this goes :)!

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Bloodied and heavy is all this cursed body of yours felt as you clambered your way up another flight of steps, steps that felt…oddly familiar. Trailing behind you were your exhausted companions who had ever so generously lent their strength to aid you in every way they saw fit. They meant everything to you, such precious souls that you've fought to keep alive, not just from the enemies that dare stand in your path… but from this profound urge that leaves you ever so restless.

You've done so much just to get to this pivotal point, you've slaughtered his men, his noble warriors, and his onslaught of soldiers, all to get to Lord Enver Gortash. Strange how such a name fills a sweetness in your bitter tongue, a sweetness you can't help but wince at. Regardless, you shook the familiarity and strangeness aside, rushing forth to the final flight of steps. You're so close to victory, a victory that could put an end to the Absolute and the chaos it had wrecked in its path. Enraged and pumped to the bones with a blissful rush of sweet sweet adrenaline, you were ready to slice this man into pieces and revel in his blood.

And there he was.

Standing a few feet away from your bloodied hands.

For a moment your eyes widened, a strange pull tugging at your darkened heart that was enough to make you hurl if it weren't for the sheer stubborn will you carry. You froze as you gazed upon him, a tired visage you can't help but feel utterly fixated by. You've seen this face before… somewhere lost in the sea of forgotten memories, you've met those same tired eyes dozens of times. Still, you pressed on. You were this city's last hope were you not? This is what everything you've done has led, right?

“Gortash! Step forth and face me so! Allow my blade to pierce through your godforsaken body, let these walls be coated with the color of your damned crimson blood!” Your words were violent, a rumbling growl of malice directed toward the man before you, and yet in you stirred a barrage of emotions you couldn't possibly understand. You were angered, frustrated, hurt, and perhaps even confused. But he sensed it too. No, he did not confront you with a scowl or a prepared speech over breaking your shortly-formed alliance, the man was smiling. A horrid smile you wish you could just tear off his face.

“Ah. It’s been far too long since I've seen that fiery look in your eyes… that darkened urge to maul whoever was unlucky enough to meet your striking gaze. Oh, how I miss it.” He uttered ever so sweetly, his phrases akin to a soothing remedy that only seemed to cause you to choke on your own words. How dare he say such things? How dare he leave you so clueless, so lost, helpless to the loss of a forgotten past… a past that certainly involved him. You tried to still your frustrations, and your confusion, stepping closer with an unsheathed blade.

“Whatever I was to you. Whatever we were. It means nothing to me now! I will be put an end to this, I will do what I know must be right!” your words of conviction sounded more like a plea than anything else, a desperate cry that longs to put aside all these familiar feelings this man had placed upon you. No, you can't recall what you two had done or were… but everything about him sent you into a craze. You wanted to rip him apart, to curse him for all that he’s done to the city and your dearest friends but... Your hands, bloodied as they are they long to touch him. Still, you shake those cursed feelings rush through you, snarling at the sensation.

“Tell yourself whatever you wish, my dearest assassin. Lie to yourself. Blind yourself, try your hardest to claw your way out but we have shared far too much for you to truly forget… for your body to forget.” His whispers were sickening, sickening in ways that bewitched your entire being. Out of desperation, you lunged at him, slicing a cut through his luxurious robes, though he managed to save his own skin by missing just in time. His guards were all too ready to attack, moving to their master's aid and yet, he signaled for them all to halt.

Still, you were persistent, refusing to falter now. You've come too far to fall at the hands of a man whose tyranny couid have ruined this entire city. You drew your sword against him again, attempting to slice and tear pieces of his flesh just as you always do to your every foe and yet you couldn't hit him. It was as if he memorized your every move, exactly how you fought, exactly how your body would strike. It was a glorious dance of death. Your companions were left to stand back as they attempted to attack the guards who circled around their tyrannical Lord, allowing you and Gortash to focus on one another in a rather familiar proximity.

“Just as I remembered. Just as how I dreamed. You are as dreadful as the day I first met you. Just how many have you slain without me? Don’t tell me you've replaced me now.” He chimed, even laughing as he fought against you. A low growl found its way out of your lips, followed by the swing of your blade which Gortash could have so easily avoided yet again… but he did not. Blood began to drip down his chest as you finally were able to cut through his skin, his blood being the most beautiful kind you've ever seen. You shook at the thought of finding his blood beautiful, of finding him beautiful.

“Stop! Whatever it is you’re pouring into my mind! Stop this madness! I’ll cut your throat and dine on your bones like the worthless thing you are.” the words roared out your throat like a violent threat, enough to make anyone cower, anyone but Gortash himself. Instead, his smile only seemed to widen, his eyes brightening in ways you couldn't understand. That wasn't a look of hatred, that was a look of admiration, of enhancement, of desperate longing. Pure unrivaled longing. You couldn't stand it, you couldn't stand feeling so helpless around a man you swore to kill. With another swing of your blade, you continued to cut through his skin, your composure shattering bit by bit as cry after cry left your lips.

“And that would be the most magnificent thing you could ever give me. To have such an ethereal monstrosity such as you rip through my very heart once more…if I could only have you once more, if only you could cry out for me once more..” His words… so soft, words that were meant for you. He was smitten by your every move even if each strike was meant to hurt him. He was drawn to those bloodshot eyes and the trembling little growls that would leave your lips as if by nature. You felt as if you wanted to scream, to cry out, to pull out these confusing sensations you feel for the man who’s been happily bleeding out for you. It almost feels as if you've done this before as if you've made him bleed a dozen times and more…

For a moment, your eyes darted all about, finally taking in the massive room you and your companions stood within as you all fought and bled. A room that felt all too familiar to you. These stone walls and these blood-stained carpets… stained by your hands somehow if only you could remember. Those disgusting paintings you could have sworn you've passed by many times before and in the corner of your eye a soft bed whose bed frame is etched with deep claw marks of… are those yours?

All too suddenly, you were shoved up against those stoned walls by clawed fingers, snarling at the man who dared do such a thing to you. Writhing and clawing beneath his hands, you struggled to push him away from you. He was bleeding, bruised, and bloodied from your onslaught of attacks, and yet his smile never once disappeared. He was getting closer... Close enough to make your skin crawl. His scent was enough to drive you mad, an all too familiar scent that made you want to skin him in hopes of keeping such a precious scent to yourself.

“Oh, love. My wretched love. We could have been so good together. We could have moved mountains, we could have ruled this world, we could have been… us.” As charming as his words were you could feel a deep pain stir within him. He was smirking and yet pain was nestled within those dark eyes. He knew all too well that you wouldn't recall a thing, that all memories you may have had with this man were long gone, and yet… you could feel it. Like a cold haunting whisper that caressed your skin, your body, and perhaps even your heart could remember just how much this man meant to you, how much he once completed you. And the way he calls you his… the way that once upon a time perhaps you two were beyond mere allies or enemies.

You opened your lips to protest, to bark out every threat and insult that you could muster but they were silenced by a sudden tug of your hair and sharpened claws against your throat leaving nothing but a growl to rumble out your mouth. “We were unstoppable! We were a team! Through the hells and back we were by each other’s side. We were magnificent! We were above it all! Two Kings atop a golden throne! We waltzed through foul piles of rotting flesh and built towers out of our sheer brilliance! We were everything we could ever…” and for a brief moment, he hesitated to continue, not when both of your Gods looked down upon their chosen with weary eyes. He couldn't say such a thing… yet still, he pressed himself closer, clawing deep sweet cuts at your skin which only caused you to shriek. Even so, it all felt too good, such a wonderous feeling of chaotic bliss that you hadn't felt in so long. Both of you bleeding together, your breaths so close together. Somewhere deep within your heart no matter how much you deny it, you've been through this before. You’ve basked in each other’s unholy blood before.

“Enver. What was I to you?” You choked out through heavy sighs, the name rolling out the tip of your tongue like a forbidden pleasure. You've said this name a hundred times or even more, a name that even now despite all the memories you lack, leaves your body shuddering head to toe. Your blade was still pressed against his skin like a warning, a warning that if he came closer, close enough to reach your bloodied lips, he’d die. You couldn't let him get that close no matter how much you seemed to ache for it.

“You were mine. As I was yours.”

A sudden shiver ran up your spine at his confession, a confession so sweet it made you sick. You've come so far, and done so much to get here and it was taking everything within you to not drop your blade and fall into the arms of a man from your dreaded forgotten past. There was no denying it, both of you were pained beyond belief, lost in a flurry of sensations that left both of you breathless. Perhaps, in another life, things could have been better… perhaps you two could have been rulers of a rotting world, but not this one. Not anymore. The struggles you’ve gone through to resist The Dark Urge you felt coursing through your wicked blood were nothing compared to how insanely difficult it was to resist the treacherous embrace of Gortash. Your Enver.

In a final moment of sheer desperation, you finally mustered up the strength to pierce your blade through his body, heaving at the realization that you had just taken a life that at a certain point meant everything to you. His blood felt glorious against your skin, the life from his eyes slowly flickering as he gazed upon you with nothing but utter awe. Even in his final moments, hatred was something he never could have felt for you. You shook in fear for the first time in decades, grasping onto the man whose roughened hand gently began to graze the skin of your cheek. You did what had to be done… and yet you could not help but feel utterly broken. Shattered by the fact that even now, you’ll never understand just why your heart beats so intensely for him.

A sharp angered cry left you the moment the fondness buried deep within his eyes began to drain, a loss you couldn't possibly comprehend. All the people you've slaughtered and tormented throughout your life but why is it he that you cry for? All you wish to do now is claw at your own flesh and curse yourself for once again bloodying those sinful hands of yours with a sweet visage that long ago you used to long for. This battle was doomed from the start, you may have come one step closer to saving the world but would it ever be enough to fill the sudden void in your heart?

Gods above all, what has this man done to you?

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#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 x reader #durge #gortash #enver gortash #gortash x durge #durge x gortash #durgetash

[edutainer2022]

Character Ask Game

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

For Scott.

@janetm74 Thank you so much for the ask!

I will revisit a little meta I did on getting to know Scotty as a character and have some additions.

"How do I love thee, let me count the ways". I stumbled into TAG through Tumblr osmosis I think some time in the second half of Season 1 run. I remember liking the 2004 movie, and I zeroed in on the "missing Dad" part, but I was generally amiably "on the fence" and non-committal. Nice boys, overall. A little bit too much focus on "child hero" Alan (because it's a kids cartoon and you're an adult, duh!). I was dabbing into bits and pieces here and there, not having a full picture. Tunnels of Time drew my attention, because of the sheer DEVASTATION Scott demonstrated. The elder brother and in charge sans Dad - I was bound to pay attention. John was the character I am - an introverted "intellectual". But the Tall, dark, charismatic and going kinda recklessly nyoooom didn't hurt either. Then I came across Recharge. And it hit me like that Runaway train. My Dad died when I was 22 and I took over as head of the family, as my Mom checked out in grief. I'm fairly sure I GAVE THAT SAME SPEECH in the Arctic tent to someone at some point - I miss him, I HAVE TO DO IT ALL (and do it fast), keeping busy with IR the PhD/work/postdoc/more work is the only thing that keeps me from going crazy. Verbatim. I'm still giving that speech sometimes. I saw a mirror of grief, self-worth issues and (non)coping mechanisms I recognized so much it was uncanny. So I knew these things: I've met yet another character that I know all too well what makes tick and will love forever - it's pretty much always the same character, give or take; the uppity Top Gun Flyboy persona is absolutely a facade - he's Tall, Dark, and Emotionally Compromised (hello there, sweetie!); I need to rewatch the earlier episodes keeping that in mind. And of course, Recharge (re)contextulizes everything - chasing a sizable city time and again to martyr himself for or to generally self-destruct, chasing Dad's shadow pretty much beyond the edge all but consciously (pretty candid for a kids show), going insane with a combo of worry, grief and guilt, keeping up the Next in Command mantle, sometimes just barely, the whole convo with Lee up to and including asking him to stay, the Chain of Command implications, the Hood's return implications, randomly adopting people and pushing them to be and do better. And just like that, I SAW Scott Tracy.

That was nine years ago, give or take. I've been through more losses, pressure of "command", responsibility, betrayal and just plain tragedy ever since. And every step of the way I feel I can relate to Scott more. The need to lift and inspire people to be their best selves - even when your own soul is writhing in pain and doubt. The crippling guilt over failure. The understated loneliness. The very unsubtle nonexistent concept of personal happiness. Being back in fandom also helped me explore (and confirm) and share lots of nuance about this character that I also felt were true. I wish for Scott a lot healthier emotional coping structure and support going on into his next decade than I got his age. He's my emotional support emotional wreck and disaster.

#methinks i have astronomy #thunderbirds are go #thunderask #scott tracy #scott tracy needs a hug #scott tracy needs his dad

[soulsxng]

If my oc's were misinterpreted by fanon, pt 2:

Ezra

Sweet sunshine baby that can literally do nothing wrong ever. They'd completely glaze over the whole addictive personality thing, or only make it a thing if it only gave him cute, palatable little quirks that are going to have absolutely no effect on his health and wellbeing.

Would probably be portrayed as a pillow princess.

I can also see people portraying him as a crybaby, just because he's always been pretty open about his feelings. And that apparently translates to being an overly emotional crybaby to a lot of people?

His curse is another thing that would be severely downplayed, or used for kink fuel. Or it would be just be forgotten about entirely, because it doesn't fit the sunshine baby mold.

Jaspern

Stuff about Jassie would be pretty mixed, I think-- mostly because of his relationship with JJ. There'd be a lot of people that paint him as an unfortunate single father that has never done anything wrong when raising JJ...and then there's be the opposite, where people say that Jas is/has always been abusive toward JJ, and is a terrible person because of it.

Him being a recovering alcoholic would probably be mostly ignored or erased.

Less sarcastic, more asshole. But people say it's fine because "It's hot" when he's mean.

I don't even think I would be capable of listing all the ways people would screw with his marriage to Kalliah. Or even his friendship/familial thing with Nel. Probably a lot of erasure, or a lot of people complaining the the girls are "in the way" of whatever other ships they wanna push. Would probably also say that his relationship with Kalliah was toxic or abusive in one way or another.

JJ

This one is tough. I can see him being a character that the fandom really loves, but gets him all wrong at the same time. Painting him to be this completely selfless, "gives anyone a chance", bordering on naive at times type of person is one way I could see it going.

Sort of "happy-go-lucky" protagonist syndrome type of thing. Completely undaunted and able to accomplish anything he sets his mind to easily.

Would completely ignore the fact that a lot of the things he does/has done is because he feels like he doesn't know who he is. Yes, there's the whole wanting to protect his loved ones thing, but beyond that, he feels like he's always lived in a way that other people have needed or wanted or expected him to, and wants to figure out where he wants to be. That would all be tossed aside for the most part for the false confidence that he usually tries to show, instead.

Possible Mimi erasure, because again, "he gets in the way of shipping" Unforgivable tbh.

Lerato

He'd either get the "He's so misunderstood!" treatment, or the "He's absolutely psychotic and bloodthirsty all the time" treatment. A lot of his curiosity, and the sheer amount of knowledge and wisdom that he has would probably be thrown by the wayside.

Never Without Joseph (@sansloii). And if he ever is apart from his beloved husband, he's a complete wreck the whole time, unable to function in any way that matters. They're one and the same, don't you know? They never have conflicting opinions and beliefs, or disagreements, or anything like that.

I feel like a lot of people would ignore his paternal side, too. Or if they didn't, it probably wouldn't be to say anything good about it. I can already hear people saying that the reason Ber's the way he is, is because Lera neglected or abused him in some way, or that he was just a bad parent in general.

...Another one that I'm not sure why, but I just get the feeling that there would be at least one group that would try to paint him as being unfaithful to Joey at some point.

Meinyr

There would be one group that plays up his drug addiction and makes him seem like a wild, out of control playboy that's constantly chasing his next bed partner or his next hit.

There would be an opposing group that downplays his addiction to the point where it is, or is almost completely non-existent. Because it's not "pretty". Because Mei could also be painted into the "Princely" type of person, the addiction wouldn't really fit nicely with that image.

Alternatively, his whole character centers around his mommy and daddy issues, and it ends up woobifying him a lot. Gives him a more "damsel in distress", or "Needs someone else to fix him" sort of vibe, almost

On top of any of those tropes would also be the dumb blonde trope. He's got no thoughts in that pretty head of his at all, whatsoever. Who knows how he manages to run an entire kingdom of Hell like that. His family probably does it for him, or he got lucky when hiring workers.

#[what is she getting us into now? -ooc-] #Guess who put this in drafts again instead of the schedule for an hour after the other one? #it was meeee orz

[filmho13]

My Top Ten Films from 2022

At this time last year, I set two movie-watching goals for myself; to complete the Criterion Challenge for 2022 (list here) and watch 100 films in total. Starting off strong in January, I was seemingly on my way to meet both goals with ease. Come June I had fallen off hard and wasn’t able to pick up the pace again until October. I finished on January 1st, but I gave myself this pass since I technically didn’t embark on my journey until the 7th of last year. I watched 50 movies from November on. Would I recommend this? No, not particularly but the sheer amount of film exposure has caused me to refine my taste and expand my general knowledge on film exponentially. I watched 104 films in total, which made it incredibly difficult to pick my official top 10, so I picked an additional 5 honorable mentions. This absolutely doesn’t include all the movies I enjoyed, but these made an impact on me in a way that is lasting and I think about them often. Without further adieu and IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, here are my top ten films I watched for the first time in 2022 (and 5 honorable mentions).

*DISCLAIMER I WILL NOT BE SPOILING BUT I WILL BE TALKING IN DETAIL ABOUT THESE FILMS SO IF YOU WANT TO WATCH THEM BLINDLY DO NOT READ MY REVIEWS*

In no particular order..

Three Colors: Blue

Barbarian

The Meetings of Anna (Les Rendez-vous d’Anna)

Pearl

Persona

The Descent

Titane

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

Girlhood

Honorable mentions:

Pariah

Vagabond

La Cienega

In The Mood for Love

Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles

Three Colors: Blue 

‘Trois couleurs : Bleu’

1993

Krzysztof Kieślowski

This is a French-Polish film I watched for movie 25/52 in the Criterion Challenge, category ‘Made in Poland’. I had never heard of this film or director prior to choosing it. The story is about a woman, Julie, who loses her husband and child in a car wreck. Julie attempts to change the course of her life, moving out of her home and abandoning her career. You witness her discover eye-opening and complicated things about her life that she works through with incredible composure. I’ve never seen a film about grief so poetic and visually captivating. The visual landscape is painted with cool tones and different shades or elements of blue. The color blue invites an emotional tone that is soft and tender. The way the story is written is very nuanced, there’s no clear enemy or one way to look at the situation Julie has been put in. What “should” you do when you experience such a great loss? How “should” you feel? There is no right answer. Julie allows her emotions to help her make decisions but doesn’t let them dictate her life. She wanted to get away from the harsh reality of grief, so she did to the best of her ability but she didn’t deny what she had experienced. 

Barbarian

2022

Zach Cregger

Barbarian was one of those movies that people suddenly were telling me I needed to see and nothing else. “Don’t look up anything, just go see it” type of film. Off I went to see this movie alone on a random Monday. Well into the first act I questioned my decision to see it for the first time by myself. I don’t want to say too much about the plot because it’s such a fun trip to watch this film knowing as little as possible. What I will say is that a woman arrives at her Airbnb to discover someone else already staying there. After I finished this movie I wanted to instantly re-watch. The film is so intricately made, but there’s no way to catch all the detail on your initial viewing. This resulted in me going to the movies again the following evening with a couple friends who had not seen it yet. The progression of the film is subtly intense, you aren’t being thrashed around nor are you idling for too long. The cinematography dominates your feelings of spatial awareness, not letting you relax. The soundscape makes you feel trapped. I loved the way that the characters are written and how they interact. They paint you a perfectly deceptive picture and take you on a wild ride as you learn more about what exactly is going on at this suspicious Airbnb. 

The Meetings of Anna

‘Les Rendez-vous d’Anna’

1978

Chantal Akerman

The Meetings of Anna was my pick for 47/52 on the Criterion Challenge, category ‘Sean Baker’s closet picks’. Chantal Akerman is a master of queer arthouse film. I also watched ‘Je, Tu, Il, Elle’ and ‘Jeanne Dielman, 23, quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles’ in 2022. These films can be slow, but not boring. They’re inquisitive in a way that takes its time, letting you run your eyes over all parts of the frame before moving forward. Akerman wants you to take it in and think about what you’re consuming. The Meetings of Anna is about a woman on a promotional tour for her new film, letting you witness the different relationships and interactions she has along the way. I appreciate the symmetrical framing and long conversations between the characters. There’s nothing to hide, they show you all there is to see. The feeling of stagnancy despite Anna almost constantly being on the move establishes the ultimate loneliness of her life. Despite having multiple romantic partners and being a successful filmmaker you can feel that there’s something missing. The in depth conversations between characters question Anna and her character. As the story progresses, I didn’t feel much resolution for Anna but more so her counterparts (at least most of them). I truly love stories that force you to think and reflect, this is one of those.

Pearl 

2022

Ti West

I thoroughly enjoyed watching X with two of my closest guy friends (who are far more squeamish than I). Watching this felt like an homage to horror cinema and practical FX. I don’t believe it takes itself too seriously. Pearl is a more character focused, intense story giving you context for X. It takes place on the same farm, but much farther back in time. This movie was also so fun to see on a big screen, if you ever get the chance I would highly recommend it. It had a lot of similar elements to X, but the writing is a lot stronger and it’s a lot grittier and nasty. Any modern horror film that showcases practical FX gets extra points from me. Pearl as a character is frustrating but you do empathize with her situation. It’s a very transparent character study as they do not shy away from showing you the more embarrassing parts of her. I found a lot of similarities in Pearl to ‘Autumn Sonata’ dir. by Ingmar Bergman. I tried to see if West had noted any direct connections to the film, but wasn’t able to find anything. Autumn Sonata is about the relationship between an absent mother and her daughter. The daughter gives an incredible monologue that reminded me a lot of the one in Pearl, if you’ve seen it you know exactly what I’m talking about. 

Persona

1966

Ingmar Bergman

Persona is a story of a woman “fallen ill” being taken out of hospital care and moved to a residence with a single caretaker. This woman is an actress who refuses to talk, but is seemingly fine otherwise. The relationship between her and the caretaker grows very deep and intense with emotion. There are elements of experimentation with different lighting and editing techniques. You get to witness a relationship between two women that only grows more complicated with time. Liv Ullmann and Bibi Andersson are fantastic together. The film feels like surveillance in some ways, it looks at the concept of the self. I called it “a study of an aching soul”. The silent woman isn’t fulfilled by her life and chooses not to speak, but through the silence you see the nurse open herself up in such vulnerable ways. There’s a scene that is an entire monologue back to back, but it’s a shot reverse shot. The frames are filled with just the headshot of each of the women, one who’s giving the monologue and then shown the other who listens. It’s the same scene in full, back to back with just the opposite frame. It’s so raw and tender to watch each of them so closely. 

The Descent

2005

Neil Marshall 

An all female group of spelunkers venture into a cave, come to find out nobody has ever explored before. One of them led the group so they could discover its contents together. Boy howdy was that a bold choice! The group gets trapped inside the cave, but they’re not alone. The true dynamics between all of the women are revealed as they try to get out of this sticky situation. This is a great film to watch with a group of people. The camera work makes you so uncomfortable and I love how nasty the cave is. I appreciate horror films that utilize ambiguity, when you don’t know exactly what you’re dealing with. There’s a great sense of urgency for these women to move along and try to escape, you just can’t look away. Something about an all female ensemble in a horror movie is just too good! It’s fun to pick your favorites and root for them throughout the movie. The film isn’t very surface level, there’s a lot more to it than just the horror within the cave. It’s about all the characters too. I enjoy the dynamic approach to horror instead of a shallow tale that’s only meant to spook. 

Titane

2021

Julia Ducournau

After watching ‘Raw’, Julia Duournau’s first feature length film, I knew I had to see Titane. Raw is one of my favorite films of all time, granted it’s absolutely disgusting and fairly strange. It’s the most beautiful, disgusting horror movie I’ve ever seen. Titane is quite different. Although both films are body horror, they take a very different approach. Raw is the destruction and deterioration of the body, whereas Titane is more about mutilation and transformation. Titane is about a woman with a sexual obsession with cars, then about a father reuniting with his child after 10 years. The first half is a wild ride of murder and obsession, the second half is tender and kind of heartwarming?? I absolutely adore the complexity of the story in combination with the bizarre horror that comes from this sexual obsession with cars. Personally, I believe Julia Ducournau is a creative genius (huge claim, I’m aware). It’s amazing to see a woman dominate a genre the way that she has in this modern age of horror film. The movies are weird and revolting, but so much deeper and complicated than meets the eye. Does this review make you want to watch Titane? I’m not sure, but all I can say is that I’m a huge fan and can’t wait to see what else Ducournau creates. 

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls

1995

Maria Maggenti

This was my final pick of the Criterion Challenge, probably the easiest category ‘Any Criterion film on your watchlist’. I wanted to pick a movie that was lighter in subject since I had just finished ‘The Seventh Seal’ and ‘Through the Olive Trees’. This is a story of two girls who attend the same high school but meet by chance at the gas station one of them works at. One of the girls doesn’t come from money or live with her parents whereas the other is wealthy and far more studious. They learn a lot from each other and end up falling in love. This is probably the first queer movie I’ve ever seen where there isn’t a devastating situation or incredibly traumatic story. The two girls certainly don’t have it easy, but it’s more about the relationship they have with each other and less about the stigma of being queer. The two subjects coincide, but it’s nice that you’re mostly witnessing a very sweet relationship blossom. This is something I wish I would have seen as a younger queer person for sure. The composition of each shot made it so that they could stand alone as beautiful photos. It was nice to notice that the filmmakers are taking into consideration the art of the camera and not just for the sake of entertainment.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

2014

Ana Lily Amirpour

I decided to watch this after I watched one of Ana Lily Amirpour’s top 10 for the Criterion Challenge. This is about an eerie city in Iran where there’s a lonely female vampire living amongst the crowd. It’s a Western-style plot with romantic undertones. Absolutely stunning cinematography and the soundtrack is so alluring. It’s such a layered plot and the way that two parallel plots come together in the end is so satisfying. Honestly such a creative, beautiful film. The main character being a young, female vampire is.. genius? All elements of the film, technically and otherwise, come together to create an unsettling and suspenseful atmosphere. It’s hard to make a film that can be received by a lot of audiences, but the way that the film is written and how interesting it is makes it so easy to be drawn in. On top of that, if you appreciate the art of filmmaking itself then it’s an even better watch. I’m usually not a huuuuge fan of black and white, but I think that the lighting techniques are what still make it such an interesting visual experience. This age of the horror genre is certainly oversaturated with the same stories, ideas, and color palette. It’s notable watching something that feels new, even better when it was made by a woman. 

Girlhood

2014

Céline Sciamma

This film was my movie pick for 11/52, category ‘2010s’. It’s a story about a young girl in France that has most odds stacked against her. Not coming from a stable home environment, not being financially secure, and having a single mother. She tries to fit in at school with a girl gang in an attempt to turn something around for herself since she was typically a loner before. It’s definitely hard to watch a teen girl go through so much hardship when it’s hard enough to be growing up, figuring yourself and the world out for the first time. The story is truly about feminine connections between family and friends. The film feels pretty raw, thematically and structurally which I really like. It’s a change of pace from incredibly melodramatic setting and visuals in female focused dramas. Something I aspire to be able to achieve is the pure joy of fleeting moments between feminine people. It’s complex and beautiful in such a special way, it’s really in the small moments we take for granted for me. My favorite scene is when the girls book a hotel room together. Watching them hang out, singing and dancing together is so precious. I think a lot of girls can remember a time when they got ready in their bedrooms just for fun and played music with their friends.

#film #filmmaker #criterion #movie review

[diracsea]

on this very random fucking day, since my brain cannot absorb any more Chinese, I’m gonna list out some of my fav VNF Wattpad authors.

da_River, once D_LittleStar (D.): The absolute favorite, totally unmatched. The one and only author that can wreck me with every single one of her stories. Qua chơi cùng mình? So pure so wholesome. Let’s pretend the world stops turning? Also really wholesome with no shipping content whatsover. Em giấu điều gì trong đôi mắt? Damn girl you bet how many times I’ve cried reading this one. Take me home, country road (unpublished)? I think of this one every time I pass by my hometown river. Trúng số? Nguyễn Ngọc Tư’s level of emotional depth. Cách để chạm đến mặt trời? I feel like this one is the one story that will carry me through my bumpy young adult days. Hình người tâm ma? Holy fucking shit the sheer level of eroticism I can’t...

wreckedworld, once nine19enth (A.): I love her. I love reading everything she writes, no matter if they’re fanfiction, original stories, book reviews, diaries recording her days in Japan, or just random rants after a long tiresome day - most of which she has now hidden (or deleted, idk). I dedicated a story of mine (Hai đứa trẻ) to her, once, and these days I wonder if she still remembers it, after all those years. In my closet there’s still a Vietnam NT 2020 shirt with the name N. QUANG HAI that I bought to give her when I learned that she intended to return to Vietnam in Jan 2020 (oh yeah and since we’re mentioning that shirt, fuck you Quang Hải and fuck your misogyny). I never had the chance, as the pandemic struck.

Minbadend, also known as whereialive (N.): The 314 ficdom was great, and N. used to be one of its most prolific writer. She’s someone who never hesitates to try out new ideas, most of which are really breathtaking when executed. I loved her Hồn Hoang collection so much that I even commissioned her to write another collection in that exact format. She gave me Lặng (on the very first day of the Lunar Year 4 years ago), and while it was not as poetically written as Hồn Hoang, I feel like Lặng has a more solid structure and a more coherent plot. She still writes fanfic, as far as I know (we’re still friends on Facebook), and in fact I would gladly read everything she writes, even when I have no idea who the characters are, and even though I don’t always agree with her extreme views on fandom stuffs. Some writers’ styles are just that addictive

nolastgoodbye, once linnervard (M.): She didn’t write much, but most of her stories melted my heart with their sweetness. My favorite story by her would be Cingulomania, but I really enjoy her Felix Felicis as well, even though I’ve never touched a single Harry Potter book in my entire godforsaken life. Fun story time, I kinda know her irl through one of my closest friends, who participated in the University Club where M. used to be the chairman. Can’t spill all the details, but according to my friend, irl M. seems to be wildly different from her Wattpad persona. 

Hojua5 (T.): This person wrote a 500-fucking-page novel in the form of fanfiction over the span of less than one year, and that’s not to mention her other works (written during the same period, also impossibly long), as well as the fact that she still worked full-time and traveled a lot. Yes, I’m talking about the famous Đủ dũng khí để trân trọng cậu. Tell you what, I can never imagine myself with that level of dedication, productivity, or perseverance. T.’s stories never wrecked me the way D.’s or M.’s did (I guess this is mostly due to our generation gap - T. is 9 years older than me); nevertheless, they are always entertaining enough to keep me turning the pages. And now that I’m thinking about T., I’m assuming that incorporating friendship into fanfic is one of the things I learned from her, many many years ago.

smoothxcriminal (N.): Every single one of her social media account has this quote stamped under the profile picture: “I do exactly what you tell me not to.” Somehow, her stories generate that exact vibe: always unexpected, a bit unhinged, a little rebellious. For me, her most impressive work is Thick and thin ‘til our last day (turn my soul into a raging fire), a rather atypical collection that depicts the footballers as people with special abilities who just want to live their lives in peace yet always get pulled into dangerous situations (Stranger Things, anyone?): a Thành Chung who can switch between human and dog form, a Tiến Linh who can understand animals’ languages, a Xuân Trường who has psychokinetic abilities, etc. etc. Her Em chẳng có gì also left a really deep impression on me, especially that one shot in which Công Phượng commits suicide and his closest friends’ thoughts are brought to light.

andiethecheesetea, also known as the3rdandy (where’s the second Andie?) (T.): Olympia girl. Reading her story is like riding a rollercoaster. One moment you laugh your ass off, the very next moment you just want to crawl into a corner to contemplate life. I feel like she put that much humor in her stories just to mask the fact that she takes them all very, very seriously. Is this how having BPD feels like?

#storytelling #wattpad authors #vnf ficdom

[purple-worm]

Thanks for the tag @lelephantsnail 💕

Favorite Color: peacock blue/midnight blue

Currently Reading: The Black Swan by Naseem Taleb. This is so unlike anything I’ve read. loving it so far. Padmarag by Rokeya Sakhawat Hossain. I hope I finish them.

Last Song: Dil Se Re by Rahman, Anupama and Anuradha. and Fanaa (Rahman, Tanvi, Sunitha). His concert reawakened my love for this song (actually all of his music, I had forgotten how much I loved it).

Last Series: I finished a Little Women rewatch (in love) and finally started Spy x Family. I love it! it's already starting to deliver the found family, I'm gonna be obsessed. Also watching Gaus electronics on the side. It’s pure chaos and zero brain cells in sight. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did.

Last Movie: Nope. I need to rewatch this masterpiece.

Currently working on: just my portfolio. messing this one up big time if I dont stop procrastinating

share 10 different favourite characters from ten different pieces of media in no particular order, then tag 10 people: I'm doing 11 because I can't pick one from little women. I'm also quoting them (not necessarily their best lines, just the ones that come to my mind first) bc why not💕

1. Oh In-Joo (Little Women):

"Where do souls live? I always wanted a home where my soul could live." I can’t stop thinking about her characterization and development. They managed to keep Meg’s tenderness from the novel but added so much more. and they fit all of that with a surreal plot and significant commentary on capitalism and poverty. I love that they weaved in so much (and did it well).

2. Oh In-Kyung (Little Women):

"They're so fresh. They're fresh to the point that it's almost sexy". Fresh produce is…weirdly sexy. She gets it. Therefore, she is my favourite. Her layers make her feel so real, a part of the reason why I’m so obsessed w this show. Modern adaptations of classics are hard to get right, and I feel like this one treads those lines well. it is fresh (a full genre shift) but still manages to keep the essence.

3. Black (Not Me):

"Power is corrupting. Ideas are what have the power to transform society" My plot device of a man🥹🥹 Certainly deserved better. I could watch him wreck shit for days.

4. Dazai (Bungo Stray Dogs):

"No one can fully grasp another person's deepest emotions. It's impossible. Only you can understand what you're feeling. But generally speaking, I can tell you this. Most people tend to cry when their father dies." Can’t help but hate him. Can’t help but project onto him. He has fucked up a lot. and he will continue to do so. It is entertaining to watch, but sometimes he deserves a slap across the face (or several idk). Other times, a hug.

5. Wang (180 Degrees Longitude Passes Through Us):

"I will break free. Time is on my side, so I've decided to leave. But leaving doesn't mean I lost." I’m so proud of him. In a story where people struggled to change, he proved that it was still possible. His sheer will to gain something out of the heartbreaking experience he had, and to keep going despite being so lonely, so unheard. But also, the maturity to know which fights to pick. There’s so much to learn from him.

6. Togawa (Old Fashion Cupcake):

"I'm seducing you. I've been trying to seduce you, with everything I have. Although you never had a clue. I know...being seduced by someone of the same sex, isn't considered common sense for most people. Especially from a subordinate. But unfortunately, it's common sense to me. So I've been seducing you. I've been meaning to tell you this whole time, but I was afraid. I was scared of saying something that wasn't normal to you. But doing this...and telling you in such a horrible way... I'm so sorry. I like you. I like you so much, I could die." I couldn't have justified picking anything else.

7. Ink (Bad Buddy):

"It's so gainful" The icon that she is. gmm, get your ass up and give us a milklove GL 2023.

8. Anya (Spy x Family):

"Father is a tsundere." I've only had her for two episodes but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

9. Fleabag (Fleabag):

"I don’t know what to do with it. With all the love I have for her. I don't know where to put it now." I will always treasure fleabag.

10. Baek Hee-Sung (Flower of Evil):

"We’ve only known each other for 14 years. So of course, you’d be clueless of my intentions." Thinking about him leaves an ache in my chest. Mr. I've-never-felt-an-emotion really broke down on the streets after reuniting with his 4 yo daughter and then got called out by her for it. "Daddy, don't cry like before if you miss me, okay? You're a grown-up". So,, misunderstood.

11. Han Ju-Won (Beyond Evil):

"I'll be a monster and dive into hell. That is my way of atoning" He's on this list bc I miss his ass and this show.

Special mention to Choi Doil and Great Aunt (Little Women) bc they haven't left my mind. and Nozue (babe, togawa was only here bc of that iconic confession, i love you just as much) and Miw from 3 will be free💕 This was so much fun, thanks for tagging me @lelephantsnail <33 Also, I’m so happy to see that you’ve watched 180 degrees, and wanted to shred it to bits with analysis because that show absolutely deserves it. so much to dig into and have your heart wrecked. Feel free to yell at me about it any time.

Have a great day!💕

#i set myself up w this quote thing🤡 #took me longer than it should have bc horrible decision-making but what else is new #this was fun #to all the characters i didnt include: always in my heart i swear #i havent tagged anyone but if anyone is interested please go ahead #i’d love to see <3 #tag game

[severin-eudes-dorian]

Say whatever you want about Tumblr, it's outdated format, its general lack of purpose, I love the place.

Not least of all, because I owe this place my life.

I may be exagerating, I may be using the locution with an emphasis that has, overall, little bearing with what eventually transpired, but I don't care, this is how I feel about it, and so I will say.

(TW; Suicidal Ideations +/- Trauma in general I guess)

Maybe it's about the kindness of strangers, repeated and echoed here ad infinitum, even so it's nothing but raw, messy feelings distilled into a few good words and akward attempts at humor to make it more palatable, but the sheer number of visibility pushes for struggling individual, and random people trying their hardest to let other know they in fact -do- matter, and life is worth living, all of it, it kept me from harming myself.

This hodge-podge of good feelings and popular education attempts, or self-organized suicide hotline, it made the difference, all the difference, to me.

I'm depressed. Been so since 2014, or the better part of a decade.

I hit rock bottom in 2020: but Covid was actually -good- to me. Lockdowns upon lockdowns made me feel like the world actually slowed down, and that I could keep up the pace again.

But prior to that, it was HELL.

I had suicidal ideation almost every day for eight years, but it was rarely more than a buzz, often times more so a whisper, like a constant leak you can't find nor fix somewhere in your flat: you eventually decide that your broke ass will deal with it when a fucking wall crumble or something.

But it wasn't a trickle anymore. It was fucking NIAGARA-FALLS, CONSTANTLY, ALL DAY, EVERYDAY. Even at night, I dreamt mostly of very traumatic stuff, that made me -wish- to end it all.

It didn't stop overnight. I didn't wake up one day, "Normal" : I guess I'll never feel that way ever again, but that's okay. Because at least, I feel good again sometimes: and more than that, nowadays I feel FUCKING FINE, MOST DAYS, ALL DAY.

To me this is huge.

And my stupid emotional anchor, my dumb lifeboat in this sea of garbage, during the worst of it, it as been this post that get reblogged Xthousands times, a tweet that reads "There is no dumb reason to stay alive" with half a dozen dumb reasons under it.

And another one, that reads "You wouldn't X to outlive you would you?" X being some rando A-Lister Arsehole on the US far right.

And YES. EVERYTHING WAS VALID. EVERYTHING WAS GOOD. EVEN SPITE. PARTICULARLY SPITE.

Because even at my lowest, when I felt like a burden to half the working world, and irrelevant to the rest, I -knew- at least I wasn't a worthless piece of trash -actively- trying to make life worse for untold number of others: if I didn't matter, at least I didn't matter in a way that was causinf sufferinf to thousands, millions, or even billion of people.

And it mattered. To me. In the end.

I'm deeply materialist. I don't believe in magic, the supernatural, or any force in the universe that would influence the destiny of humankind, let alone the universe, in any way whatsoever.

To me, we're in it deep, and we're in it alone people: but we're alone with ourselves, all of humanity.

And even the kind words of strangers, given a fulcrum, and a long enough stick, can lift the world.

Tumblr was fulcrum enough to lift me up at least.

I love this dumpster fire of a site, this perpetually happening train-wreck, and it gave back.

I'm deeply grateful for the kindness of strangers, and I guess I'm deeply grateful for all of you.

Just, thank you for existing: one of us, me, made it through a rough patch, and if I wasn't for nothing in this endeavor, I don't know if I would have made it at all on the other side alone.

The beast ain't dead. Guess this shit never ends, and like Camus said, Sisyphus may need to learn to love pushing this fucking boulder.

Good: I love rocks.

And I can say, I love you all.

Thank you.

#Tumblr #Suicide Prevention #Love #Spite #Depression #Kindness of Strangers

[thirtheenprimes]

Hey so I'm sure lots of others have talked meta about pokemon, and there are going to be thousands, if not millions f hours worth of people talking about Pokémon love and theories, and I know literally nothing about what Gen 6, 7, or 8 gave us, but I've played Scarlett now and I was nearly there at the beginning of Pokémon (I joined in gen 2, Gen 3 will always be my home generation though). I enjoyed Digimon and YuGiOh back in the day that all three were first starting and had the same audience and were just as big as each other.

The world of Pokémon is inherently digital. Like Digimon. Putting Pokémon in computers, digitizing their forms to put them in and out of pokeballs; the world of Pokémon is a self aware and conscious digital world.

The people in Pokémon are different from Pokémon in that they don't have super cool magic powers, but, like, they can still throw punches and be stupid-strong (we've all seen ash pick up two-ton Pokémon easy). So are the people in Pokémon also Pokémon, but a different type that can't learn or use special attacks? Like, a typing that no one considers because no one is sending their brother Alex to fight the electric rat?

Bridging over to my most important point, the origin of Pokémon. Like, in-universe, individual Pokémon origin. There are so many Pokémon that come from man-made objects that would not have been naturally occurring before the civilization of the people in the Pokémon universe, but they are also clearly not different versions of more naturally occurring creatures. Sure, sure, we could be talking about common ancestors in evolution (darwinian not pokemon) and those natural-looking Pokémon versions of - for example - Muk, Klefki, or Cofagrigus died out due to natural selection. Or instead of dying out they evolved out through the Pokémon evolutions and sheer willpower. Or something like that.

BUT but this idea - which has sort of been my unspoken assumption since I was four - doesn't properly account for these new legendaries in Scarlett and Violet. These 'Ruinous Pokémon'. According to in-game lore, they were just objects. Expensive, fancy objects that were exposed to so much greed from people, particularly that king, that they became powerful Pokémon that wrecked shit.

So how does this all tie together? The people in the Pokémon universe create the Pokémon. Not individually, but all Pokémon are fundamentally the same. They are spirits taken physical and magical form, and the people in this universe create them through belief, superstition, and strong emotion. Perhaps the people in the Pokémon universe are also Pokémon that can't learn or use special attack moves, have typically shifty sp defence stats, but have one fantastic ability and that is to manipulate the digital world they live in both subconsciously and through belief.

#i have experienced pokemon for over twenty years #i do not remember nor care about small throwaway details in individual pokedex entries #they describe the characters experience of the world #not ours #and ours is not unconnected to the truths of theirs #you could put pokemon in computers from the very beginning #these ruination pokeon have really fucked me up not going to lie #pokemon scarlet #pokemon violet

[gaminegay]

I dont think I'll ever have the emotional high of being like 13 and beating KH II and seeing the end title screen. I think that was my emotional high point

#i asked my brother to keep his playstation on for the night bc i had to go to bed at 10 but i couldnt part with the imahe #and he actually did! #alda rambling #i also kept the KH I guide for....like years. just to look at the pictures #this game had a vice grip on my emotional stage from like age 8 and up #i was WRECKED in general from the sheer emotion #donald duck saying #C'mon! Let's go save the world again! #literally took me out. i think i cries

[idontblushsrry]

Sesshomaru||NSFW Alphabet

A/N: That’s right, I wrote an NSFW alphabet for him as well. How could I not, he’s a hottie. Also somehow, I managed to keep this w a gender neutral reader, so all my Sesshomaru fans may enjoy (unless u ship s*ssrin, then leave)

Word Count: 1911

Warnings: Obviously nsfw

A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

After sex, Sesshomaru returns to his initial composure almost immediately. Like he’ll pant for a few seconds, wipe his dick off and then immediately, boom, like nothing ever happened. Of course, you, are thoroughly wrecked, needing Sesshomaru’s help, help which he is more than happy to give.

B - Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part on himself has to be his arm/arms (depending). He loves his arms for a reason completely separate from you, he just enjoys the fact that he finally has two arms, like he thinks back to all the times he didn’t properly appreciate his left arm, and vows to never make that same mistake.

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

As much as he loves cumming on your body, nothing compares to the feeling of cumming inside you. He loves to watch you slowly lose all coherency as he just fucks you full of his cum. If you let this man cum inside you, you will unleash a whole new beast, that you’re gonna have to be prepared to deal with. 

D - Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Sometimes, when Sesshomaru knows he’s going to be away from you for a long time, he tries to fuck you as much as possible. He knows that he’ll miss you and gets a little more lovey dovey, but above all, he’s trying to remember the feeling of you so he can better mimic it with his had.

E - Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Sesshomaru is extremely experienced, on account of both his rank and his power. Demons are attracted to power and rank and, being so noble, Sesshomaru has never had any trouble with finding a partner to warm his bed. He’s not versed in everything but he has a strong sense of intuition and a deep connection with his own desires.

F - Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

A bit cliché, but, his favorites are doggy style and mating press. Any position where he has the leverage to press you down and fuck into you also ranks pretty high on his list.

G - Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Sesshomaru is so serious in the moment. He gets so laser focused on pleasing you that he finds any distractions to be a bit...grating. That being said, you’re the exception, if he happens to make you laugh during sex, he’ll just roll his eyes affectionately before shutting you up with a kiss.

H - Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He’s about as well groomed as any man of his station at the time would be. He’s not exactly shaving down there but his hair is so fine that it isn’t unbearable. Also the carpet definitely matches the drapes, his hair is extremely light and it’s hard to see sometimes.

I - Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Sesshomaru is very intimate in subtle ways. He shows you hat he cares by doing little things to ensure your comfort. Whether it’s brushing sweat off your head, setting pillows under your hips, or retracting his nails when he holds you, Sesshomaru is the king of unspoken intimacy. He loves you and he’s going to show it in the most obvious way.

J - Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

As stated earlier, Sesshomaru really only jacks off out of necessity. He had no problem with getting someone to fuck, ad now that he has you, he doesn’t see the need to masturbate. The only time he’ll do so is if you’re gonna be away from him for a while and he’s really horny.

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Sesshomaru has a breeding kink, sorry not sorry. Even if you can’t get pregnant, something in him just tells him to keep filling you with his cum until it spills out. At which point, he just repeats the process. He also has a thing for marking, whether it be by scent, hickies, or with his cum, he loves the reminder/proclamation that you’re his.

L - Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Sesshomaru’s not picky about location. He’s of the opinion that, as long as you’re comfy, he’s ok with it. He does enjoy having his fill of you in your shared bedroom, but yall aren’t really home often enough for him to be that particular about it.

M - Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

The only thing that turns Sesshomaru on is the sight/thought of you naked and waiting for him. 

N - NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Sesshomaru does not care all that much for sharing, and in a similar vein, voyeurism. With voyeurism, he doesn’t mind fucking out in the open, as long as no one else is around. The second he gets whiff of anyone, he’s pulling out of you faster than you can even realize what’s going on. With sharing, just don’t ask. He won’t show it but, the thought of someone else even seeing you that vulnerable enrages him and sets off his baser instincts. If you suggest it, he’s going to be very hurt for some time.

O - Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Sesshomaru probably didn’t even know about oral until you went down on him for the first time. While he isn’t exactly the most experienced in it, he more than makes up for it with his sheer voracity. If you ask him to give you head, he’s getting on his knees, laying you back like, “say less”.

P - Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Sesshomaru can be both but he tends to lean on the more fast and rough side. Sure, your hips and legs hurt, but who can really complain when there’s a powerful demon pounding into you like a jackhammer.

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

When you first told Sesshomaru what a quickie entailed, he was intrigued. Admittedly, he didn’t like the concept at first, but the more he thought about it the more it grew on him. He likes the thought of you being so needy for him that you’d rather jump him as soon as possible than wait to get home.

R - Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

In terms of experimentation, Sesshomaru’s not all that open to it. He’ll try if you insist but he’s definitely not one to suggest any experimentation. As for risks in terms of location, as long as he’s far enough from others, he doesn’t really care where y’all fuck or how loud you are. 

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can go as long as you can. He does like to build your endurance more and more each time, but sex in general with him is a serious time commitment.  He’s more than willing to space it throughout the day if that would suit you better.

T - Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

No toys, Sesshomaru doesn’t see the point in them. It also goes back to his thing about sharing, while he won’t be as angry as he would be with another person there, the thought infuriates him. Just thinking about an object getting to feel you in the same way he does make him see red.

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Sesshomaru prefers not to tease, but he will if he feels the need to. He prefers to get straight to the point, letting you cum as many times as he sees fit to, honestly, prep you to take him in. But if he’s feeling particularly slighted, (whether by you or some demon he can’t quite murder) he’ll take it all out on you. While he won’t tease you in public, in private, he’ll work you up, get you right on the edge of cumming, and then pull it away. The more you whimper and whine, the more tempted he is to draw out your torture.

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Sesshomaru is pretty quiet... usually. While he prides himself on his control, of which extends even to the bedroom, letting out a few grunts once he’s about to cum, his rut is a different story. Sesshomaru refuses to talk about or even acknowledge how unihinged he acts during his rut but honestly, the moment he gets a whiff of your arousal, he sounds like a wild animal. Every repressed emotion and sound comes bubbling back up to the surface and he just goes around growling and panting until he can stick his dick in you.

W - Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Sesshomaru tries his best to be gentle/hold back with you. It’s not obvious and you haven’t noticed because most of it happens in the heat of the moment when you’re distracted by...other things. But, he knows he tends to lose himself inside of you so in preparation, he’ll remove his hands from your body and let his claws rip into the surface under/behind you, whether it be a tree, bed, or just the floor. One of these times, his poison accidently activated and he shielded your body by leaning down and making out with you. That day, he discovered his affinity for kissing you while pounding into you.

X - X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Mans got a third leg, I just know. The baggy pants hide it pretty well but when you manage to pull it out, he’s easily 8 inches (10-12 when fully hard depending on circumstances), uncut, and really pretty. Like other parts of him, Sesshomaru’s dick is beautiful, a small patch of silver hair near his base. Speaking of, Sesshomaru does have a knot, if he cums inside of you, he tries to do so without getting it stuck just because of the fact that it’s kind of a hassle waiting it out. But if you let him knot you and the situation allows it, he might go a little feral whoops.

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Sesshomaru has a pretty high sex drive and before you, he could control it pretty well in all instances besides his rut. He still maintains his impeccable control but he finds himself ready to go a lot more often than he used to be. Like if you ask him, he’s immediately down regardless of what he’s doing. The only time that he gets supernaturally and uncontrollably horny is when he goes into rut. At which point...good luck getting his dick out of you.

Z - ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

While Sesshomaru doesn’t really get tired after sex in the same way you do, he does understand when you’re kind of tapped out for the night/day/moment and is more than content to watch you sleep. After a while though, the sounds of your heartbeat and the quiet sounds of your breathing will set him at ease and put him to sleep.

#sesshomaru x reader #sesshomaru imagines #sesshomaru imagine #x reader #inuyasha x reader #inuyasha imagines #black reader #x black reader #idontblushsrry

[yourdeepestfathoms]

rewatching the trailers to see what we could have had and in this one— THIS SINGLE LINE—

the amount of fear and anguish in Vanessa’s voice when she says “none of them will stop hunting you”!! her voice even hitches a little!! there’s more fucking emotion in that one line than in the entire actual game

also at the end, the “there is more going on than you realize” has So Much Fear in it

Vanessa seems much more meek in the trailers. i can perfectly picture a sort of feeble position while she would say the like above, her shoulders all hunched in and her eyes downcast to avoid eye contact. just the general tone she uses makes her seem like a broken girl deteriorated down by the abuse and manipulation of a psychotic man using her body as a puppet, and yet she still finds the strength to help Gregory. not because she’s “motherly” like the wiki said she was (it would have been a terrible direction to go with her character), but because she wouldn’t want ANYONE to face the wrath of Afton and end up like her.

UGH that would have been such an interesting direction for her! don’t get me wrong, i love the general sassiness she kinda has in the actual game, but it would have been so much better, at least in my opinion, if Vanessa had been this complete anxious wreck that does the wildest shit because she doesn’t want anyone else to suffer her fate

Gregory: girl, you good??

Vanessa, hyperventilating after the unused “both of you will burn” line: i can’t breathe my chest hurts so bad oh great now i have stomach cramps from the sheer amount of stress coursing through every vein in my body i think i’m gonna pass out i definitely feel dizzy enough to anyway have you checked monty golf yet we should go

you play Vanessa but every time you accidentally induce an anxiety attack you switch to Gregory

#we were fucking ROBBED!!!! #fnaf #fnaf security breach #five nights at freddy's security breach #five nights at freddy's #fnaf vanessa #fnaf gregory

[monstersdownthepath]

Monster Spotlight: Kimenhul

CR 20

Neutral Evil Huge Outsider

Bestiary 5, pg. 214~215

These towering nightmares are the greatest of all the Sahkil next to the Tormentors, though the demigods of their race will--disappointingly--remain unstatted for the foreseeable future, leaving the Kimenhul at the top of the fearamid. Side note: I know the monolith at the center of Xibalba is called the Black Pyramid, but from here on out I will be referring to it as The Fearamid. Anyway, Kimenhul prey on fears of mental intrusion, insecurity, inadequacy, and failure, but in a rather interesting reversal of the usual Outsider heirarchy, they don’t tend to have far-reaching, world-shaking plans; it’s typically the comparatively lesser Ximtal which focus on entire societies while Kimenhul return to the usual Sahkil modus operandi of focusing on individuals. It’s even noted in the book that Kimenhul taking leadership positions among other Sahkil are unusual outliers, which makes the events of one very specific Adventure Path all the more unique...

Buckle up, though, because this one is much longer than the others.

Not content with a single form, a Kimenhul’s shape is constantly and grotesquely shifting as a tide of twisting flesh and screaming faces ceaselessly pours from the mouths of the central skulls, which are this Sahkil’s actual body, the rest being vestigial bits that either dissolve away or get resorbed into the skulls. The chittering mass is composed of the fears and anxieties of every creature capable of perceiving the Sahkil via one of its senses, a strange sort of instinctual “psychic radar” possessed by the horror picking up on whatever shapes and sounds would be most distressing to onlookers and generating them constantly. This cascade of terror is so effective that Kimenhul have the strongest Look of Fear of any Sahkil, paralyzing victims with sheer terror for 1d4 rounds and shaking them up for 1 minute after. Any being paralyzed by this fear becomes part of the Sahkil’s horrific illusion, their body appearing to twist and shift in accordance to its grotesque will to further shake up any creature viewing their former allies, though thankfully this is merely an illusion.

Don’t think you can be clever and safely engage a Kimenhul with anything but a full team of Paladins, by the way. Anything immune to paralysis affected by the Look of Fear is instead reduced to a cowering, blubbering wreck for the same duration instead, which has more or less the same effect... and trying to use magic to bolster one’s self against fear simply will not work, as any magical effect which grants one immunity to fear effects is automatically dispelled when brought within range of the Kimenhul’s Look of Fear, which is 120ft instead of the standard 30 of most gaze attacks. The only way around the paralysis is to be naturally immune to fear via racial ability, class ability, or a magic item on your person. Or, you know, succeed the DC 32 Will save every single round. Easy!

But wait! There’s EVEN MORE, because we need even more front-loading of the opening blast of terror! Anyone affected by ANY of a Kimenhul’s fear or emotion effects--be it from their aura, their 3/day Malicious Spite or Fear, or their 1/day Eyebite or Weird--becomes subtly unhinged. Their now Unsettled Mind takes a -4 penalty to caster level checks, skill checks and ability checks based on Int/Wis/Cha, concentration checks, AND WILL SAVES. These penalties last until whatever fear/emotion effect is happening finally clears up (meaning they’re unlikely to expire at all until combat ends), but they linger for 1d4 rounds after that, and having even ONE round of -4 to Will saves makes you more vulnerable to Eyebite and Weird. And this effect is applied every round, passively, by Look of Fear unless you're just naturally immune to fear somehow. Trying to find a safe way for a party to engage a Kimenhul in battle is practically a quest in and of itself, because spreading non-spell-based full immunity to fear and emotion effects is more difficult than it sounds.

Not content to crush a party’s will and prove their inadequacy simply by rolling initiative and allowing its appearance to afflict them with piles of penalties, Kimenhul on the prowl for new victims can expose everything within 300ft of them with a shard of Eternal Fear as a standard action. This splinter of psychic trauma lodges itself in the mind of everyone in that radius who fails a DC 32 Will save, forever tainting them with the experience of the Kimenhul’s presence and causing them to permanently suffer from the effects of Unsettled Mind. Even the death of the Sahkil doesn’t free one from its effects, the haunting terror having a 50% to automatically cause the shaken condition for 1 minute every single time the victims find themselves in stressful situations. Only Wish or Miracle can free someone from the fear, which--while within the realm of possibility for PCs--does little for NPCs afflicted by it... and Kimenhul love inflicting NPCs with Eternal Fear, lurking just past the veil in the Ethereal Plane and popping itself into view for a mere second as the mother of all jumpscares.

Able to Skip Between as a swift OR move action, Kimenhul can emerge as a move action, barrage a crowd with Eternal Fear as a standard action, and disappear once again as a swift action to make people question what the hell they just experienced... And that’s when the whispers start. The terrible, defeatist voice in the back of your mind that emerges at random, telling you everything you’re doing wrong, how you’ve failed. Amplifying every negative aspect about yourself, louder and more forceful every day until you’ll do anything to make it stop. These voices are not your own thoughts, but intrusive telepathic voices from the Kimenhul, who can whisper for up to a minute at any victim of Eternal Fear from across any distance so long as they’re on the same plane. Once enough victims are plagued by the Eternal Fear, Kimenhul often don’t need to do anything else but sit back and occasionally send demotivational speeches and suggestions for how to make the voices stop (which invariably leads to self-destructive behavior, homicide, or tasks which further the Kimenhul’s goals) until its supply of fearful victims runs dry and it needs to go jumpscare a different city block.

While killing the Kimenhul doesn’t end the Eternal Fear effect, it does prevent the horror from issuing further telepathic commands to its victims. Unfortunately, killing it is easier said than done, because unlike other Sahkil, their combat prowess is legitimately impressive. With Greater Teleport and Air Walk available to them at will, trying to stay out of their melee radius and kite them is nearly impossible, and that’s exactly the worst place you could ever be. They possess the dreaded Dazing Assault feat, taking a comparatively paltry -5 penalty to their attack rolls (meaning their bonus is now ‘only’ +30) to try and daze any creature they strike with even one of their SEVEN attacks, locking that poor fool in place for a round so it can continue the cycle of hurting again next turn. Kimenhul have three bites, each dealing 2d8+11 damage and Grabbing victims, but rather interestingly it’s the claws this time around that are all the more dangerous, inflicting 1d8+11 damage... but 1d3 Charisma bleed, their victim’s very sense of self eroding with a single cut from their misshapen claws until they either fall into a coma, are slain, or receive any amount of magical healing to stop the bleed.

Once a victim is either grabbed in their jaws or rendered unconscious by damage or bleed, that’s more or less it for them. Kimenhul have an unrestricted version of Skip Between called Snatch Between, allowing them to kidnap any creature they’re grappling (or any creature grappling them), popping them into the Ethereal Plane. Since it can go to and emerge from the Ethereal in a single round, there is absolutely a horrifying scenario in which a Kimenhul uses a single bite to Grab a victim as a standard action, flits into the Ethereal as a swift action, and spits them back out before returning to the Material as a move action, leaving the victim stranded away from their allies. It’s even worse than being swallowed whole, because without some way to return from the Ethereal, that’s it for them; they may not be immediately dead, but now the party is one member short... if it doesn’t stay in the Ethereal with them to rip them, personally, to shreds, of course.

Or worse, kidnapping them and pulling them to The Fearamid...

You can read more about them here.

#body horror #gore #Monster Spotlight #CR 16 to 20 #Pathfinder #Dungeons and Dragons

[tackytigerfic]

nice things by aideomai is the fic that rly sold me to getting into drarry and feeling ~things~ and i havent reread it since that first time bc im kinda scared it would ruin the magic for me. its not like i havent found other fics that made me feel things the same way but that was the fic for me. have you also experienced this or im just being weird abt it for no reason ack:(

Hi Anon, and welcome to my aideomai fanpage 😂

I absolutely love Nice Things myself and also completely understand your feelings. In my case, I have that feeling about a tiny handful of fics. Some of them I have reread a few times, others I haven't managed to yet. In the last year I found both By the Grace and Far From the Tree absolutely transformative but I haven't had the guts to go back to them yet because I found them so emotionally engaging that I was exhausted at the end!

Anyway I don't think you're weird at all—or at least, you're no more weird than any of the rest of us who venture into fannish spaces are, in that we all love this ship a little too much, we're all just that tiny bit obsessed! And that's where the magic comes from in my opinion, because you know, creating fics/art/podfics/moodboards/transformative works in general is hard. It really is. It takes time and energy and generosity and a sort of... community-focused approach. And it's all done for the sheer pleasure of creating (which is a huge thing! of course!), and sometimes it's hard to find the time or the headspace to fit creation and inventiveness in around the drudgery of real life. We get into fandom because we love the world and we want to contribute to it. If people being weird about Harry and Draco means that we get all the amazing fics, art, and other fanworks that are created every day, then I say bring on the weirdness.

Another thing of course is that there's no wrong way to do fandom. If you can't ever read Nice Things again, that's fine! Let it sit in your memory forever if you need to. Fandom is an emotional place and sometimes we need to guard our hearts a bit (I can't reread Dwelling for instance! That's ok. I can't be an emotional wreck over that fic ever again 😂)

So glad you fell in love with such a gorgeous fic, I applaud your taste. And if you ever want to be weird about this fandom then feel free to come and chat to me about it and we can be weird together!

#i queue #drarry fic rec #rowing recs #this fandom life #rowing and chatting

[cuddlyscribe]

anon asked: Heyo! If it's possible (or if it hasn't already been asked) could you do headcanons for Garou, Mumen Rider, Metal Bat, and Zombieman reacting to finding their s/o dead? Like their s/o was killed during a monster attack or they weren't able to save them in time from a villain, or something like that (you can do whatever!)

[recognize these headcanons? this is a repost from my old blog ‘opmmadness!’ You will see this disclaimer above all of the content i have moved from my previous blogs.]

Garou

Goes into a blind rage destroying everything in his sight

He’s basically a force that can’t be stopped for hours on end

Some stupid villain that he had no qualms with wrecked the building his s/o was in, subsequently killing them instantly

The only person he ever cared about, and who loved him for who he wanted to be, was gone

Now he’s gonna make everyone else on this pathetic planet pay for it with their lives

Mumen Rider

Devastated.

Mumen Rider is pretty forthcoming with his emotions and doesn’t hold back, something he learned from his s/o a long time ago

A large monster barreled through a street and massacred anyone in the way, his s/o included

He admits that he just sat there and cried over their body, heartbroken

And now he promises to fight evil with even more strength and confidence, knowing that it’s what his s/o would want

Metal Bat

Really, really angry.

He sets out to find the villain that did this, and get even with them.

All while making a big scene and making sure every other monster sees him whoop this one’s ass

He tries to hold back tears, so he can stay strong for his s/o wherever they might be

Bad tries to put up this tough guy persona, but losing someone he really truly loved makes it nearly impossible to act tough

Zombieman

Silent justice

Zombieman knows that there will be time to mourn, after he’s brought his s/o’s killer to justice

It might seem cold, but he knows that once he gets this done, he won’t be able to leave their shared home for days, maybe even weeks.

So he better do his job damn well for them

Despite being pretty straight-faced in front of the general public and his fellow heroes, it’s nothing but sheer pain and sadness within.

#one punch man #one punch man x reader #garou #garou x reader #mumen rider #mumen rider x reader #metal bat #metal bat x reader #zombieman #zombieman x reader

[thebirdandhersong]

The Year So Far Book Ask

Tagged by @madamescarlette <3 thank you, darling!! (I DO SO LOVE TO TALK ABOUT BOOKS!!!!)

1. Best book you have read in 2021 so far?

HOW can I answer that!!!! Here is a top 10 because I cannot narrow it down!!

Middlemarch: read it twice this year (liked it the first time, LOVED it the second time)

David Copperfield: my new favourite Dickens. There is a lot of joy and compassion at the heart of this book, and I Loved it very much.

The Mill on the Floss: can’t explain the feeling I got from reading this book (tbh if you know, you know!! It warms your heart but it also makes you want to stand in the rain and cry)

The Queen of Attolia: a roller coaster. Very overwhelming. Was incredibly Shocked many times. (Also, who’d have thought?? Gen??? In LOVE??? Fantastic in concept and in execution)

The Adventures of Sally: a new favourite Wodehouse. You will laugh so hard tears will spring to your eyes.

Night Watch: this one stuck a knife in me and twisted..... but in a good way.

Anne of the Island: much-needed comfort read!!!

Leave it to Psmith: another new favourite Wodehouse. Modern rom-coms wish they could do rom-com like Psmith, Eve, and the umbrella that was Definitely Not His.

The Penderwicks at Point Mouette: A DELIGHT (speechless!!)

The Penderwicks on Gardam Street: ALSO A DELIGHT (still speechless!!)

2. Best sequel you have read in 2021 so far?

Ohohoho. All the Discworld sequels. (Especially A Hat Full of Sky, Night Watch, Thud!, I Shall Wear Midnight.)

Also, The Queen of Attolia. That book decimated me. Admittedly no one’s emotions are very stable at two in the morning, but I was an absolute Wreck that night (morning?).

3. A new release you want to check out?

I am behind on the times so my idea of ‘new’ is rather skewed.... I still really want to read Spin the Dawn, The Goblin Emperor, and Spinning Silver. And am making my way through Queen’s Thief.

4. Most anticipated book release of the second half of the year?

I... don’t follow new releases that much, to be honest. I am currently looking through the lists and don’t see anything I recognise s;lfdjsdlk;

5. Biggest disappointment?

The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I knew how it was going end, but i was still mad. (These days I like books with a hefty amount of Hope and that one.... definitely did not have that.) I also read Tess of the d’Urbervilles for the first time and remember being just... really frustrated with all the characters and about the lack of Hope in that one, too. I was also hoping to love I Capture the Castle and was a bit grumpy about the second half of the book!!

6. Biggest surprise?

The books I read because my friends loved them!! Such as The Blue Castle (Eden), The Man Born to be King (Magpie), Gourmet Hound (Eden), Queen’s Thief (Fran), Blandings Castle/Psmith (Rebekah), Discworld (I think I started reading it for the first time because of Fran as well)...... I also reread a bunch of old favourites (Lord of the Rings and a few Jane Austens) and they were even better than I remembered!! Which was just wonderful!! (though not very surprising, I guess!!)

7. Favourite new author (either new to you or debut)?

MEGAN WHALEN TURNER. I also have a new appreciation for P.G. Wodehouse (after crashing through all of his Jeeves books and most of the Blandings Castle audiobooks) and Terry Pratchett (after bulldozing through a good number of Discworld books, most of them two or three times) and Georgette Heyer (read my first few Heyers this year and had SUCH a blast).

8. Favourite new fictional crush?

In general: Ik-jun from Hospital Playlist (He’s not from a book sksfjkl ;sdfj k I wanted to mention him because I just love him a Lot)

In terms of books: Sam Vimes (sdlkfjs;kls) and Henry Tilney (I loved him before, but this year cemented him as one of the top, if not The Favourite Austen hero in my heart). I don’t know if Gen counts, because I feel very friendly towards him, and alternate between wanting to make soup for him and wanting to bonk him on the head with a cardboard tube.

Mal (from S&B) had some Really Good lines, too. Especially in the last chapter of Ruin and Rising.

9. Newest favourite character?

A whole PLATOON of them. Sasha and Lysander from @magpie-trove​‘s story, Beatrice and Romeo from @imissthembutitwasntadisaster​‘s story, Emilia and Lily from @itspileofgoodthings​‘s stories, Tiffany Aching, Granny Weatherwax, Helen and Irene and Costis from Queen’s Thief, Dorothea and Maggie from George Eliot’s books, Sally from The Adventures of Sally....

10. A book that made you cry?

Literally cried so many times this year over all sorts of stories. But a few off the top of my head:

The Penderwicks (all of them): cried from sheer joy!!!

Seven for a Secret: there are so many lines in the most recent chapters alone that brought tears to my eyes.

The Keys of Fire: which is The definitive Fairy Tail fanfic for me. I just love this story so much. And i was surprised all over again by the forgiveness and the love and the grace and the healing in this story this time around!!

The Queen of Attolia/The King of Attolia: cried out of surprise and joy at nearly all the Gen/Irene scenes (not the beginning ones sl;fksdsdlfk jd but my heart did a great leap when Gen remembers seeing Irene dance)

Ruin and Rising: cried at the ending. Also because I was so happy. (There is no such thing as an ordinary love!!!)

Crooked Kingdom: cried at what Kaz did for Inej (couldn’t help it. That moment was beautiful)

(It has been quite an emotional year. The waterworks are triggered by the smallest things. But I’m happy to say that I’ve cried out of happiness mostly in the book department.)

11. A book that made you happy?

(Nearly all of them tbh!!! I have so many new favourite books from this year’s reading list alone!!!)

The Penderwicks series. Was in bliss for the whole week. I was also incredibly happy listening to the Discworld audiobooks, and reading new installments of Emilia and Seven for a Secret and The Stars Hold No Part In This!!! All the Wodehouse and Heyer books I read were delightful.... David Copperfield was so full of joy and grace and it made me want to prance in a field. All of the Anne books I reread were comfort reads. And of course The Keys of Fire, which kept me smiling for hours: I feel like a kid being handed an ice cream cone with three scoops and a cherry on top whenever I read it. Incredibly happy.

12. Most beautiful book you have bought or received this year?

The second-hand Vintage Classics Jane Austens!! :’) especially Northanger Abbey, which was in Excellent condition. Very floppy (unlike the longer Austens..... alas for Mansfield Park, which is harder to flip through) and fits comfortably in my hands.

And the Tundra Classics edition of Anne of the Island. (I liked the way the paper felt and the text was a really nice font and size!)

13. What book do you need to read by the end of the year?

OOH TONS. I’m still reading Anna Karenina (stopped because I thought: I need a happy story right now). Would love to keep reading Queen’s Thief (I’m taking it slow because they’re books that should be savoured), make some headway in Dorothy Sayers’s Lord Peter Wimsey books, read more Georgette Heyer, start on The Goblin Emperor and a Bunch of books I've been meaning to read for a while (The Eagle of the Ninth, Piranesi, Phantom of the Opera, Surprised by Joy, Crime and Punishment, War and Peace are the main ones. This is an ambitious list but I’d like to read at least two of them before the year is out sl;kffdksl;dfjslk;)

tagging: @imissthembutitwasntadisaster​ @soldier-poet-king​ @septembersung​ @lady-merian​ @called-kept​ if you would like to!! And YOU, if you think it looks fun and want to give it a try!! :D

#oh MAN when i get started on books it is so hard to stop sldfkj s;dlkj #thank you for tagging me eden!!! :D this was a LOT of fun!!!! #reading adventures #songbird again #2021 has been a very interesting reading year simply because reading is a way i Cope and the more stressed i am the more i tend to read #it sounds weird but unfortunately it is true #this year has been quite a year (i say this as we approach the end of july slkf;s js) so i've been reading ravenously #thankfully not about rocks anymore though!!!!!!

[shaolin-spin-doctor]

I'm not sure if you've written on this yet, but I'm curious on how you think Kung Lao would react to being reunited with his s/o after he breaks free from Quan Chi's mind control.

This got a little long............. did someone say Emotionally Conflicted Hat Man?

As much as Kung Lao aches to see his S/O again after so long... he knows it's better if they don't reunite quite yet. In fact, despite how painful it is to admit, he hopes his escape from hell remains a secret to his partner for the time being. He doesn't want them to get their hopes up, not when he can still feel the corruption slowly eating away at his mind and soul; they had already suffered enough because of him. He doesn't want them to go through that again.

He's also terrified by what his lover might see. He spent 25 years causing pain and committing unfathomable atrocities - evil had remade him, warping his body and tainting his very essence until there was barely anything left. He's been doing his absolute best to pick up the last remaining pieces of his humanity, but he knows it's far from enough, and he's scared of the very real possibility that his S/O could be driven away by what he had ultimately become.

One day, he's going through a light set of moves to fight off boredom when the gruff voice of a guard on the other side of his room's heavy metal door informs him he's got company. He straightens up, expecting General Blade or any other official seeking to question him, but when the door opens and he sees his S/O standing there with a mixture of relief and shock on their face, time seems to stop almost completely. They stare into each others' eyes, and, for a moment, Lao allows himself to revel in the overwhelming sense of joy of being reunited with his beloved after so long, pushing aside his seemingly endless insecurities for the time being. He finds himself whispering their name, unable to stop the tiny smile appearing on his face as he does so.

Recognizing the small gesture as proof of his identity, his S/O lets out a shaky breath and immediately tries to launch themself at his arms for a hug - however, the sudden movement makes the hat-wielding monk flinch and jerk back on instinct. As his lover's expression falls and their eyes fill with grief, Lao curses himself internally for ruining the moment and hurting his partner with his reaction. This doesn't deter them from trying to approach him once again, though, and they move slowly this time, bringing their hand up to his face in a cautious manner as to not startle him again. He doesn't recoil.

"My dear... what did they do to you?" his S/O asks in a soft, heartbroken voice, their fingers finally reaching his cheek. They ghost shyly against his ashen skin, and, unable to respond, Kung Lao looks away, using every last bit of his willpower to stop himself from leaning into his lover's faint touch. He wants nothing but to pick them up and twirl them around in his arms, tell them how much he loves them, caress their face and catch their lips in a deep, passionate kiss that captures everything he can't put into words - but he can't. Not anymore.

Almost as if they were reading his mind, his partner pushes his chin up gently, a silent request for him to look at them. He complies, guilt and shame and regret written all over his face, and they shake their head, tears threatening to escape the corner of their eyes. "Listen to me," they plea, tracing his jawline with their thumb, "It wasn't your fault. You're not a monster, Lao, so please, don't think of yourself like that," they say before carefully pulling him in for a hug. "You're not. I promise. I love you. Always have, always will."

At that very moment, alone with his S/O in a high security Special Forces cell, Kung Lao crumbles. He buries his face in the crook of his partner's neck and hugs them back tightly, apologizing for everything and telling them just how much he had missed them and how unbelievably thankful he is for finally being able to see them again. There are tears streaming down his face and the sheer amount of emotion wrecking his body makes it hard to breathe - he'd never display this amount of sentimentality in public, but he knows he can put his pride aside and let himself be vulnerable with the love of his life. They deserve to know.

The two of them stay in each other's arms for a long while. Lao's partner eventually lets out a wet chuckle as they rub their tear-stained eyes, making a cheeky quip about how they thought they were supposed the sensitive one in the relationship; the revenant laughs back, commenting on how coming up with witty remarks was supposed to be his job. It's a small moment of levity, but Lao is incredibly thankful for it, and it allows him to gather enough courage to pull back and look at his S/O in the eye once again. He thanks them for their reassurance and reiterates how incredibly happy he is to be back by their side, and the smile that appears on his partner's face fills him with motivation. Sure, he might still be unsure about whether or not he can control the evil within him, and he knows his inner demons will never quite stop chasing him... But he will not give up. He will keep fighting until every his very last breath - for his beloved's sake.

He tells his S/O he loves them. They respond by slowly getting closer and trapping his lips in a kiss, telling him they love him back when they break away to catch their breath.

Even after his S/O has to leave and he's alone on his little room once more, he can still feel the warmth of their arms around his frame - it helps him fight off the darkness a bit more effectively than before.

#yes more often than not Lao will make his feelings clear but sometimes his pride will get in the way and he'll hold it in until he breaks #this is especially true after his escape from netherrealm because he's desperate to demonstrate he's in control of himself #someone please tell him it's not healthy #Mortal Kombat #Kung Lao #hatcanons #asks #anonymous #Thank you for the ask!!!!!