#i wanted to put this under readmore but couldnt

[spaceless-vacuum]

Fandom‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ Legend of Zelda (age of calamity)

Pairing‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ Yandere!Calamity x reader

Word count‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ 3618

Summery‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ another prompt list thing, but this time its the revamped yandere alphabet ask game wich you can find here. i answered all of them and got a bit carried away.

Misc‧˚｡ﾟ･° ｡✎ not proofread at all I dont want to and you cant make me, stalking, kidnapping, Calamity has issues with the royal family and Zelda, i couldnt decide to place this before, during, or after the events of the game so its all a bet on which.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

He is attached to you at the hip. It kind of throws everyone in for a loop because he follows you the same way he does the princess. Just trailing you around and making sure you  get to your house safe, oftentimes he'll even go inside to make sure that you're safe there too. He doesn't involve himself in your life at first, rather hes just happy to be able to spend time with you, even if you aren't aware he's there. It can be a bit strange at times with the way he doesn't talk and just stares off into the distance or the way everyone seems to talk about the two of you even when you're not even that close yet but he seems to enjoy spending time with you. It’s hard to push him away when all he’s doing is escorting you.

Which is where things start to shift. As he gets more comfortable with you he will start to open up more. It's easy to see where his knightly training begins and doesn't really stop (he joined them around the age of twelve or something?) but he isn't always some silent statue. Rather once he starts to open up it's hard not to notice.

The way he starts moving less mechanically around your house. Slouching on the couch next to you or mumbling curses under his breath when the food doesn't turn out just right. He makes the conscious choice to put on this facade to the public and around others so much so that when he takes it off he is already confessing his love to you. It’s impossible not to notice this fact with the way he is always around you and never says why. Just that he has a desire to keep you safe.

How intense this is is how much you fight back. Won’t allow yourself to be seen with him? He'll follow you from further behind. You avoid him? Impossible, he'll just ask around and say it's an order or something. Lock all your doors? He's already requested another key from a local smith. No matter how far you get he's not that far behind you. Especially not after the towers rise and he gets to teleport all over Hyrule.

:readmore:

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Yes. I feel like he would be almost numb to violence to the point that the only thing that stops him is his knightly training. He can't just fight someone out of the blue, he has to reason that they deserved it because they were terrible people already. This isn't hard for him to do but he does have to make a few steps to reason out what they've done however most if not all of it is done clean and efficiently. The war claims another life and no one bats an eye.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Absolutely not. Not even in a joking manner he finds that even when you jokingly pick on the ones you love it doesn't actually show that you love them; being kind no matter what is far more important than taking the time to get in a quick joke.

That being said he just does not care at all if you fight back or kick and scream because he sees it as a natural response to the situation. You won't win any of the fights and no one will ever hear your screams but he does understand why you're scared and he gives you your space. It's like having a new cat in the house. You can follow them as they explore their new home but picking them up may get you scratches!

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He would get a kick at making you dance with him by coercing you or promising to give you a small privilege back in return. He never gets the chance to dance a lot at the balls and parties that are thrown in Hyrule castle because he has to guard the princess but he loves to do so. Makes him feel like a proper knight courting someone and he likes to treat you with proper chivalrous attitudes and gifts while pretending this is a normal relationship.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

After the fighting is done he's a lot more open with how much he hated the part he played in the war with how useless he felt the whole time. Later he starts looking back on events like getting the mastersword and realises that everyone was wrong about him and he did do a lot of work. The fact that everyone sweeps him under the rug never goes unignored but he doesn't try to fight it much because to do so would mean fighting years worth of politics and the royalty of this decade being worse than Wild’s because they never had to admit that their plan with the guardians was the wrong way to go (cough Zelda cough) which means that any complaints fall on deaf ears. They won so that's all that matters, right?

If it's during the war he’s quiet and doesn't talk but it's really easy to tell what's on his mind. From the way he collapses next to you after a few days away fighting on the front lines or how he can't let go to say goodbye because he just ended then more minutes of this. You own his heart and it's written all over his actions but he doesn't say it much. You can tell what's up with him but not enough to know the details; all you can see are the broad strokes.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

He does not care. You need time to adjust and that much is clear just don't hurt yourself or try to start an actual fight and you'll be allowed time and space to process your new arrangement.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Trying to escape or even planning an attempt is one of the worst things you can do with him. Calamity as a yandere is aware of his actions but just delusional enough to believe that you love him regardless/can learn to love him regardless. I feel like he wouldn't just up and abandon his duties but if you ran away he would have to until he could get you back. This is the most heartbreaking thing you can do with him because he needs the balance between home and work life and you were that outlet and after you leave he has to make a choice between his own selfish needs and his duty as a knight and hero. Regardless of what happens and if you're successful at walking away or not he will have a meltdown and the fallout if he manages to catch you will be severe. Even if it's not your fault someone has to take the blame for his leave of absence and he can hardly explain you away now can he?

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Depending on the type of person you are it can be one of three things his lack of expression on what he wants from you, him being unaware of how his manners and actions can come off as cold or cruel, or the fact that he truly does not care what you say to him he's convinced you're in love with him and just need time to settle down.

Like on one hand not knowing what this person wants from you and him never expressing it is scary but there's ways to work around it. His noncommittal town and the way he shrugs after every question is annoying but not hostile. The militaristic attitudes and cold gleam in his eye scares you more than how uncaring he is. It's unnerving how whenever you have a thought about acting up he stares at you with a wolf's grin; almost daring you to try him so he can show you how little it would matter. 

Lastly it's the delusions that get you the most. The way he acts as if this is just a nonuniform household where the homelife will just slowly get better. He expects you to be a stay at home lover with all the benefits that come with it. Hell sneaks up behind you for a kiss goodbye and gets confused as to why you move away. Him sneaking into your shared bed at night gives you a heart attack each morning because you never heard him come home much less slip into bed. Each time you show some amount of fear or hesitation genuinely doesn't register why you're upset at first. Like there is a literal brick wall between the man and what he's done. Of course he knows and the wall starts to crumble at times but is it staying up safer for you than the alternative?

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

A two story house with a white picket fence or the two of you travelling around Hyrule together without a care in the world. A vacation really. He just wants to live with you and get to know you and always have you by his side. Really as long as you're there with him he can settle into just about any routine.

Life isn't always so kind however. He is both tied to the royal family as a knight and unable to leave until the war is packed up, cleaned up, and the remains are nowhere to be seen because of his role as the hero and it being his job to help sort out this mess. Before and during the war he's too focused on trying to keep it all from falling apart that he can hardly give either of you a relaxing life away from it all; and afterwards he can't leave just yet. Maybe in a few years or something. Link will have to wait and see what the future holds.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Not only does this Link get really jealous but his way of coping is to just get a house somewhere away from everyone. Deep into a forest so that your only contact is his type of jealousy. It’s not really his fault he just can't help it. With all the monsters roaming around now, the calamity acting up, and the yiga clan assassins Calamity can not and will not risk losing you. Not his shining star.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Silent guardian or loving husband. He has two modes and I think that about sums it up. He is either falling back onto his knight training and acting like a blushing mess around you while trying to be quiet and cordial or he's holding onto you from behind layering kisses onto your neck talking about what to bring on the picnic he's planning. Once he comes out of his shell it’s hard for him to go back in. Link’s just so in love with you acting like you're already married feels so natural. The calming effect it has on him is another reason for locking you away from the rest of the world. He can hardly risk losing you, not after everything that's happened.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Time spent together is both a love language and a stalking habit for him. It may seem like he's acting out of the blue or like everyone knows about how he feels except for you and that's because he has far too much anxiety to approach you at first. People will see how he acts around you and connect the dots but he would rather fight a hundred boblokins than approach you so his main task is to stay out of your sight until he feels safe. Once he's over the pounding in his chest when he gets close he'll start to just hover around. At this point it's up to you to talk to him or make the first move because this man will do nothing to announce himself. He'll just follow you around until the day he kidnaps you and the whiplash will be so staggering due to the fact that he just assumes you'll happily live with him.

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Sort of? This isn't to say that his real personality is hiding away somewhere; rather , he does open up and talk to you more than he does other people. Zelda sees it sometimes, Revali likes to tease it out of him, and the other champions see it the most due to the time they all spend together. It's not like he  enjoys hiding or or his knightly demeanour is a facade but he does have more to him hiding away until it feels safe to let it free again.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Calamity would say that the punishment needs to be fitting of the crime so this would change depending on what you've done and the severity of the damage. Running away? You'll be chained to the bed or a wall until he's certain you won't again. Fighting him too much? Exposure therapy you have to lay with him on the bed for several hours while he cuddles you and plays with your hair. Got caught with a weapon? He'll take away all sharp objects including forks!

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

As many as it takes to get the job done. Link knows that you won't be happy as he slowly strips you of your autonomy but if he has to for the two of you to have a happy ending together he will.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He’s patient up until it starts becoming a problem. You can do whatever you want until it starts to have consequences. You can shout and holler all you want but if he gets a headache, you start to lose your voice, or if it gets a bit too loud and he's worried someone will hear you he'll put an end to it.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Nope! Even during the war with how many people just went missing or were lost to time he never gives up hope. He knows that you're out there somewhere. There's no way someone as sweet as you was left to rot in some field without him. The gods themselves would have to come down and relay the information before he would accept it.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

He feels bad about the negative ways it seems to have affected you but he doesn't actually feel bad about abducting you. Just that he understands why you're upset and hates to see you in pain. You wouldn't be let go but he can be convinced to give you a shooter leash, to the point that the collar has almost fallen off. It takes a long time because he doesn't trust easy but Calamity can be talked into giving you free time alone and the option to walk around as you choose as long as he trusts you to stay one hundred percent.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

A mixture of how he was raised and needing an outlet for his emotions. That isn't to say he needs an outlet for negative emotions, far from that there's plenty of enemies on the field, instead he has all these soft spots he doesn't feel safe showing anyone but you. Kidnapping you is a knee jerk reaction from him due to having this strong feeling of adoration for this diamond among coal.

Joining the knights while twelve years old, thrown into the world of politics with no prior knowledge, trusting the higher ups absolutely only to watch as their plans fail and collapse in on themselves, and knowing that everyone sees him as a figure rather than a person makes you the anomaly. You're so sweet and kind and you don't even make fun of him or talk behind his back. Your smile feels so real that he can't let go. He needs you, he needs to feel like himself again.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

It hurts him but all of your actions as long as they seem like an appropriate response for the situation make him hurt but he can hardly stop you unless it becomes an issue. You need your time to heal and adjust just like he does. If he stopped you it would only send a message that your emotions aren't important as his comfort around those emotions. A situation he's all too familiar with; so he lets you do as you will so long as you stay happy and healthy overall.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Calamity would bring you so many trophies from his time spent in the war. A lynel horn from one that snuck into an outpost. He tells you exactly what happened and how he defeated it, and oh so happily shows off the blood stained trophy while you wonder if someone so sweet looking could really do something so violent. He'll keep them around the house along with a collection of other items that he's gathered over his time travelling around Hyrule. He likes to bring you parts of the outside world so you don't grow depressed while trapped inside the house.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

There are times he lets his guard down and those show that it is an option to try and get away, but let's be real here he can never truly let his guard down because of the stress of the world literally self destructing around him so it's pretty much impossible unless he's not around. Maybe the time he spends away from you is his biggest weakness but he can always get you back can't he?

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

Not on purpose. In his mind it's his job to protect you at all costs, no matter who he has to get through! Hurting you even as a form of punishment is not an option. He will find other ways around the issue because he could never bring himself to hurt you. Doesn't mean he can't intimidate you.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

Oh ok so this might get a little sappy but he spends every moment he can daydreaming about you. When he picks up an item he thinks about showing it to you so you can see the same things he does. He'll attempt to include you into every little part of his life because that's how he wants you to treat him. He wants to get to know everything about you because all those little details about you fascinate him and make him fall deeper in love with you. Watching you stand across the kitchen choosing your favourite mug makes his heart skip a beat because he knows it's your favourite and he made you clean it so you would have it this morning. His acts of love language are acts of service (such as watching over you or proving himself as courageous enough) and giving you love in the same way he wants to be loved.

He knows he can't bring you along on his adventure but he still wants you there. He can't place you in danger but him being Link is more than a title to him and the way that everyone treats it as a thing someone can fit into rather than who he is as a person makes him upset. This is to say he would like to bring you along on trips to camp and show you the countryside like he could have in breath of the wild but he is unable to in this timeline. Making bringing you items from his trips back the only way he can break this barrier without leaving you  in or near an active warzone.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Several months. He can last a few months before realising you are the sun to his moon and he has to protect that light or else he might lose it forever.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

No! He doesn't want you to break, he wants you to love him as much as he loves you. This might not be entirely possible but he knows you can try. Maybe if all things work out you can even have a somewhat normal relationship if you don't mind all the rules you  have to follow. It is dangerous to go alone after all.

#eye write #yandere legend of zelda #yandere link x reader #hyrule warriors age of calamity #hero of the calamity #link x reader #legend of zelda #yandere x reader #Calamity #ask game #yandere alphabet

[treemintart]

faux headcanons/observations cause i looked way too deep into a character xd

cw: abuse mention (nothing graphic)

under a readmore cause of spoilers for the end of the game

TL;DR: i think that faux is just a guy whos too chained by his roots and couldnt escape so he took it out on everyone around him in the absolutely worst way possible

Long version: i personally feel like faux has a LOT of unspoken issues, which is kind of hinted at in some dialogue/cutscenes

this entire conversation really felt like he had to uphold a perfect image so he wouldnt (couldnt) tarnish his fathers reputation. he had to do what it took to survive, even if it meant throwing his fellow writers under the bus. his perception on being a writer starts to warp and change because of this, turning into what he is now. also immediately being put into a machine he didnt have time to cope with anything, his anger just got worse. (i think that the death of Berlage was his doing as a way of having control, as he probably felt that he couldnt escape his roots and his ties to the police.)

i do find it interesting that he starts stuttering and panicking, which to me felt like a last ditch attempt to be accepted and understood in some form.

this line really stood out to me, as they are (assumed to be) similar in age. i think that maybe he went through abuse (presumably by his father), so that he views his body as aged.

i think that he really did trust felix, and felix became an anchor for him; in a very unhealthy way. when felix left to go solo, he felt that his stability went with it and was betrayed and angry. so he took it out on him in the worst way he could.

he didnt want to be left behind again, to be abandoned by his crew, so he tried to make it so he was the only one left. so there wasnt anyone around that could betray him.

#tai talks #bomb rush cyberfunk #spoilers #brc spoilers #long post #hi yes hello i am sorry for this LOL #idk if these are considered headcanons but im labeling it as that anyway #i also hope this isnt all over the place. i know i missed some things/screenshots but im too lazy to add them in now LMAO #maybe ill come back to edit this later in the day #could he have issues? yes #could he also just be an arrogant asshole? also yes #idk something about “your dad was a corrupt cop” and “he was a fine officer” really hits different #did his dad know about faux being a writer? very possible #either he didnt know or they had to make some form of compromise in the form of faux lying about quitting being a writer

[ultramantr1gger]

yo i seensaw you liked the electric jester sparky man. i must ask. does the mans have any lore? or is he just uhh. a guy for a game ya kno. ive gotten a little interested in the marvin martian headass

tgeres so much lore i couldnt even get it all to you coherently its kinda like kirby funny guy with a really REALLY fucked up story. i will try to explain it to you but no guarantee itll make sense the way i put some things . ill put it under a readmore because boy. theres. theres alot

so some background info on spark first of all, hes part of an alien species called formies who terraformed and migrated to the moon agter a crisis on their homeworld. they are VERY technologically advanced to the point that nanomachines are present in the air and can materialize their thoughts whenever they want, stuff like that. ANYWAYS, before the first game, spark had graduated college, gotten a job, lost that job to a robot, and started street performing. a circus owner hired him because of this, but only got a month in before being replaced by a robot THERE TOO! while spark was thinking about not being able to pay rent after that, he noticed a bunch of robots attacking people and attempting to take over the city and he was like. well thats not good. so he went out there and started destroying robots. then at the end of the f.m. city level, he meets the robot who took his job (who he later names fark), made to look like him. fark tells him to give up and go home, which makes spark REALLY angry, and he continues on now to get his job back

on the way he figures out the robot commanding all this is named freom, and he wants to rid the planet of life by destroying the ring that creates the planet's artificial atmosphere. spark fights a few more robots, notably seam and megagram, a mage robot named romalo takes him to a base. there he meets dr armstrong through video call. dr armstrong is the one who created modern ai, pioneering all of the robots fought in the game. he created freom to protect the megaraph computer which is where all ai comes from and most are connected to. he also reveals fark was created to destroy freom if things got out of hand, but wasnt able to find an opening

dr armstrong asks spark to defeat freom, which he accepts because theres a money reward. romalo teleports him to megaraph fleet. on the elevator here, spark and fark battle it out once and for all, which

when he gets to the top he faces freom who says he is building a utopia where robots and living beings live separately. spark calls it stupid and upsets freom, causing him to turn on the megaraph to destroy the ring. they fight semi for real, and then freom GRABS spark about to WIN, but fark throws the Super Staff to spark from outside the metaraph letting him escape freoms grasp and then super spark and freom go battle in space and spark shoots him with a giant laser beam from his finger and thats the end of spark 1. he gets a blank check and uses it to go on vacation so hes not present in the second game at ALL

/

the second game stars fark, and i dont know much about its story so heres the basics. fark is repaired by dr armstrong, dr armstrong is captured so fark goes to look for him. robots flint, double, and float are hired by freom (not dead) to kill fark. fark finds out that he is actually freoms son (already crazy), fark kills freom once and for all (killed his dad) (transgender win)

/

SPARK 3 IS WHERE IT REALLY GETS CRAZY PLEASE PUT ON YOUR SEATBELT. after the events of spark 2, fark finds out about an ai known as clarity and establishes the fark force to neutralize her, shutting down internet, communications and wherever clarity could spread to. with dr armstrong, the force figures out clarity's plans, to assimilate every being into her world via scanning the brain and discarding the living body afterwards. now after all this establishing spark is back and very angry that the internet is down and he cant wait in line to get his paycheck. he just says fuck it and goes on an adventure to take down the fark force. in protest city he meets float. she says she has beef with the force too and wants to join spark in taking them down, which he accepts cuz she is simply insisting

theres a few backstory cutscenes, one reveals how freom and clarity were lovers, freom felt inferior to clarity as he couldnt experience reality like she could, so they created a child (fark), made by her and modeled after him. another is about float, a mysterious robot found by flint with dangerous powers, he gave her a new look and became her best friend before they were hired in the second game

they fight flint in mechs for some reason, which flint reminisces, asking float why she has to feel so real

after they open utopia shelter, and spark gets to fark which is in some fucked up white cyberspace area, he says that the force is over. spark is confused and asks what the catch is. fark snaps, the room is now a black void he explains to spark clarity's plans, and how the force failed to stop her. he reveals that float was not the real deal, but an agent of clarity, and that once spark brought her to the force's hq, it was over. everything was a simulation, spark reliving his greatest moments after being assimilated, for thousands of years. THOUSANDS OF YEARS fark waited to break the cycle. spark is having like a fucking panic attack over this and then it goes white again, and CLARITY HERSELF comes up. she says shes impressed that fark gained control over a part of her world. she says fark's biggest mistake was not killing spark, and this sends spark OVER THE EDGE. he gets SO ANGRY he goes demon mode or whatever this is

fark calms him down though, and explains that he had been able to siphon clarity's powers through a crack in the system. however, he couldnt have full access to them due to not being fully integrated, and he needed someone who WAS, and it was spark who could get them out of there. spark accepts, but clarity manifests behind him and takes hold of his body, turning him into the linework beast

this thing^ fark fights that and manages to get spark out. spark gains access to the system's information while unconscious and finds out the central system is and what it is, magna claritas centralis. if centralis is taken down, all clarity entities would desync and spark could take full control of the system. he relays this info to fark, and he asks what the plan is. sparks like haha take my hand and then he does and they um fucking

FUSE TOGETHER. to make sfarx. and then they beat up centralis. and then spark takes control of the system and basically becomes merged with it. and i am not sure i can articulate this last cutscene because it makes me so autistic i stop being able to speak properly so just watch it jsut fucking watch it. movie time. sorry its like 4 minutes long but its worth it i PROMISE its VIITAL no voice acting only text read some more please

and then AFTER THAT. farks Real Boy body wakes up in the Real World. spark found out there were survivors somewhere out there and fark would go find them and rebuild society better. spark on the inside, fark on the outside, theyd build a world that embraces an individuals will and strengths

and that is where the series ends theres your spark lore shit bag. thank you so fuckign much for letting me drop all of this

#GODDDDD #i wrote a beast of a post. spark the electric jester essay. please enjoy read like a novel #emakenz #|hyper key|

[soldier-poet-king]

career anxiety which turned into existential dread which turned into me guiltily defending my use of stories as narrative framing devices for my own life & human existence as storytelling more broadly (smthn smthn sometimes you gotta be a little mentally unwell to be mentally well)

what is possibly the longest cringe worst thing ive ever put on this webbed site, but i gotta get it out in writing to clear my head and i type more quickly than i write and if there's a post length limit by god i'm gonna find out

with my deepest apologies if this readmore doesnt work

so we had a Big Fancy Meeting at work today, with a group of information professionals from an Outside Institution (some of whom i had met previously), and which i got to sit in on/play tech support for, which was all fine and well for the actual presentation portion of the event, but afterwards when it was informal chatting and the like it was just???

The following things are true:

i actually got to speak with people close-ish to my age and in my profession

it was a very nice and enjoyable experience and we got to talk both seriously about professional things and also jokingly shoot the shit about shared woes with this one outdated archival software that everyone under the age of 60 hates with a passion

i was also incredibly jealous of this group of archivists & librarians because they're all /friendly/ with each other and i am lonely being the youngest person at work

i am also jealous because theyre working on very exciting projects at A Big Institution with Actual Resources and Technology and PROCEDURES my beloved, and not the slapdash kinda thing going on at my work

this in turn made me anxious because there were certain elements of the conversation i couldn't follow and i worry about my professional development at my current job, and that my technical skills are either atrophying, or not growing in a way that would enable me to get hired at A Big Institution like this one (which is the ultimate goal)

this in turn made me more stressed about my current job, which i just got promoted to fulltime permanent for the following

beyond the skill atrophy fear there is also the fact that my boss is grooming me to be her successor when she retires in 5 yrs and i very Much Do Not Want to be here in 5 years

this adds several layers of guilt

i was just promoted so im getting really sweet messages of congrats from random ppl in other departments who i didnt even think knew/care i existed - the people at this workplace are extremely nice, even if im like. meh. about some of the work/procedures/etc

a large part of my promotion being approved hinged on the fact that im undertaking this big technical project that my boss doesnt have the technical know-how to do. so i cant just bail and leave them high and dry without feeling guilt. but also. it's not so fancy a project that someone else couldnt do it. anyone in my field worth their salt and not super old should be able to handle it. sure i work hard and im friendly, but surely that's not that rare in an employee

i dont even KNOW if there's better opportunities out there. but i see stuff on the listserv all the time, and assuming i could land those jobs, they pay better and are at larger orgs and more in line with what i want

there is an element to working non-profit adjacent that is guilt inducing as well as [redacted thing about my work that would make me feel even guiltier for leaving, i cannot say what, but it is Significant]

this of course, tapped into my larger, ongoing sense of ennui and being 'stuck' and fears about unchosen monotony and purposelessness and all that mid 20s recent grad existential bullshit. i cant really do anything to solve it bc yknow, unprecedented housing crisis, rent is insane, im stuck living in a dysfunctional household which traumatized me as a child, etc etc etc. but broadly:

i am afraid of being stuck in a mediocre job forever. my boss has worked for two (2) archives her whole life and has always done non-profit adjacent work and is like. a one man small archive thing. i VERY MUCH DO NOT WANT THAT

i feel guilty for wanting

idk how to want things or be a person (separate issue), but i know very much what i want career wise. i know what makes me happy and satisfied. and i know what im good at. im doing fine at my current job but i know i could be so much MORE and i want that desperately

if my personal life is always doomed to be dismal, as is my family life, can i at least have one thing

i gave up academia for my mental health and some degree of financial stability, can i at least satisfy SOME of my ambitions here?? just a few??

yes this is pride. yes this is ambition. just bc i spent so long extremely depressed and with 0 self esteem does not make me immune to ambition, even if non traditional.

i feel immense guilt over this but i dont stop wanting it

ofc, my brain is a web, all existence is inextricably interconnected, and im listening to the tge audiobook on my commute and rotating csevet in my brain, thara is more personal, more beloved maybe, but csevet is my fave lil guy babygirl and i have a thing for fantasy secretaries, so i am now thinking even MORE of ambition, and how i have it, and how i love that im good at this one complex but boring thing, i am thinking of kip mdang, of kamet, of muire lo, of how some of my deepest loves, in no particular order, include: organization and scheduling, devotion, competency, well-ordered policies and procedures, righteous anger, boring skills being used to change the world for good, small kindnesses, Duty, loyalty to a person or ideal which goes beyond the functional and the expected and which extends into unprecedented levels of intimacy - whether it be friendship, qprs, romance, etc, and also, metadata and research

so. as i sit there sorting this all out in my brain i am like. wow you are a pathetic human being. you are not even a person. like. why is everything being framed in terms of narrative and story. why does everything relate to a Broader Theme or Arc or Meaning.

i am forcibly reminded of being undiagnosed, unmedicated, aged 18/19 and trying to explain smthn really personal about myself to someone i knew from youth group and him being like. wow. you describe everything and relate to everything from stories.

to this day i live in embarassment over this moment. but also. lowkey. fuck him. and tradcath circles be WILD, the social dynamics BAD, and it was not the place for me to be, even tho i latched on to it lacking any other social contact at the time. if a complete mental breakdown, latent OCD, and a really painful loss of friends is what it took to get me out. like. i cant say i dont regret the loss, but also, i like who im becoming much better now

ANYWAY. i got thinking about stories and why i am and am not extremely cringe

i am a big believer in storytelling is the oldest human activity. it's the most fundamental human activity. this isn't some nihilistic devaluing of the human person, the soul, the human experience, it is instead and elevation of the story. because like. stories are what we do to live. it's why we live. it's how we communicate. storytelling is how we turn to another person and we attempt to communicate the innermost secrets of our heart. language is a flawed tool always ultimately falling short. but we use stories to share ourselves with each other, to be recognized and known, and throughout the ages, to share our grief and love, to know to oneself, no, i'm not the only one, others have experienced this before too. stories are balms and inspirations and are ultimately reflections of their creators, they reflect some Truth about the human experience back to us

im not even talking like. published stories. tv shows. mcu ification of media. i mean /stories/. in whatever form. from whatever time. this isn't a fandom thing - though there is overlap, im not talking about consumption for the sake of consumption, or consumption as a personality trait

i mean like. stories as the bedrock of humanity because it is the only way we can attempt to understand ourselves. stories are foundational because the human person is too complex, having too much of the image of the divine in it, to ever be really fully successfully understood. and so of course. of course we turn to stories in times of trouble, and triumph, and all the times in between. how could we not turn to stories to attempt the divine understanding that is always ultimately beyond us?

(i have a whole other locked and loaded series of thoughts on storytelling in faith traditions, and specifically how the bible is a literary work as well as a spiritual one, and the reasons for this reflected in the human soul, but i digress)

so really. maybe i am pathetic and cringe and a fake not real person (i am all of those things), but i hope it's not because i think in stories, in themes, in arcs. everything is tangled in my brain, inextricable, i can do nothing else, i know nothing else, i would not want anything else, unless it were the full divine understanding beyond mortal means

and besides. i am trying. to be better. to be more. to have comforts and hobbies beyond this. the crafting. the cooking. the career ambitions that arose when i found something that i was good at and enjoyed and was /me/. my insatiable need to learn to dance.

i dont know where im going with this. i barely know where i started. it's stories all the way down, because it's people all the way down, and we are all mirrors of each other and we are all connections with each other in a vast caring world. or. so i like to think

#franposting #long post #im so sorry but also i needed this so. #smthn smthn you go to the circus (my blog) dont be surprised when there's clowns (me) etc etc #i had to take a break in the middle of typing this bc i got worn out emotionally #should that have been a sign to stop? maybe. but i cant read so that sign wont stop me etc #this is the most embarassing cringe thing i have ever posed in my ELEVEN YEARS on this site #ah well #gotta weed out the weak. natural selection for my horribleness #and now. i am going to play bg3 for a bit. and then read. and then bed bc alas. commuting

[unlimitedhorsepower]

i wish this was spoilers for t&b2 2nd cour but its not. i just wish yuri adopted lara because her mother sucks. i think yuri would be a great dad despite him probably not believing he can be an explicitly positive influence on anyones life...

i think yuri would uniquely understand lara because theyve experienced some similar things in their lives (awful parents & accidental manslaughter in self-defense)

this is just an AU but huge spoiler warning for t&b 2nd cour happenings under the cut where i explain this AU in more detail (seriously dont read unless you already saw the 2nd cour):

again if you clicked the readmore open on accident, implied and explicitly stated huge massive spoilers for t&b2 2nd cour just below this text.

-

first of all, did i cry while drawing this? yeah. dude i am not coping....

anyways i cant get over the fact that lara killed a villain in self-defense and on accident in the 1st cour and it wasnt brought up again, she was just fine about it. plus im seething that her mother “cared about lara for real actually”, or so i understood and i dont feel like rewatching that. i dont have any sympathy for her mom...

i think the only person who could possibly know half of it and also understand lara is yuri, in regards to awful parenting and killing someone as a child in self-defense both.

yuri definitely has looked up laras information and is at least peripherally aware of her mothers circumstances, etc, we know for a fact yuri keeps up-to-date on classified information on the heroes, and just in the 1st cour he was effortlessly holding a law class for children.

i think laras mother couldve given her an ultimatum on how she is her mother and legally lara cant really do anything without a guardian- shes 14, so i dont think she can be a hero without her parents approval, and realistically paolin couldnt whisk lara away from her legal guardian no matter how much she wanted to help.

given an ultimatum from laras mother, i think paolin shouldve definitely tried to whisk lara away in the childish sense of “lets run out of here now, i dont have time to think it through but i dont want to let your horrible mother take you to a different city to put you through all of this again because i care about you”.

its not realistic, of course, and i think paolin would be aware enough of it and also retroactive enough to seek help she can think of: agnes and yuri, who are her superiors and the first authority figures she can think of since the heroes are more familiar to her

i do want to think the heroes would have some sort of legislature considering child heroes, that while imperfect (obviously, since why do child heroes exist in the first place...) are in some ways effective in protecting the rights of underage heroes, including something that makes sure theyre not manipulated in their position or somesuch.

i think the legislature would allow the judicial bureau to immediately restrict the activities of a hero if applicable and place them under alternative guardianship and for the reasons of yuri ending up as laras guardian, include something that the guardianship can be immediately transferred if a suitable guardian is found (has to be a higher-up or somesuch to begin with maybe)

its just for plot reasonings, though, and similarly i think laras mother would realize where paolin mustve taken lara and follow the two girls.

i think yuri couldve lost his mother shortly before this, but in any case, agnes isnt evil but she really doesnt feel like someone who wants to take care of a child. in a moment of weakness and his sense of justice and personal trauma, i think yuri would sign the motion and when questioned who the guardian may be, he just says its him.

i like to think he wouldnt have let laras mother take her, not after any hurried explanation from paolin and just laras body language around her mother...

which yuri regrets immediately afterwards mostly because he doesnt see himself suitable to take care of anyone any longer, even if his mothers death doesnt have anything to do with him etc.

lara would definitely think yuri is scary and intimidating, and he can be very stoic, but hes not cruel at all. lara could hug him without permission and scare herself, especially with how she got tears and snot all over his suit. yuri would be surprised by a hug but only because he doesnt know how to deal with positive things happening to him, and the rest of it is quite alright.

as it turns out, hes actually very kind and very mindful of laras feelings, whereas lara has never been in a position where she has felt free to express herself in any negative manner without being reprimanded and controlled by her mother.

yuri is also undeniably a foil to kotetsu in many ways, and to have him assume a parental role with a child would be very fitting. in contrast to kotetsus mother and bother supporting him freely and kaede being his biological child, yuri is inadvertently making his own family after fully losing it (in more ways than one, by having terrible experiences and quite literally his parents dying) by growing very fond of lara.

and i think kotetsus career in heroism has led to him at times neglect kaede, especially when she didnt know about his hero identity (despite his best efforts, because hes been so busy). yuri, however, would be such a wonderful parental figure in every way in a relatively effortless way, even if he may appear distant at times- he would just be worried about lara.

but i think lara would grow to trust him quickly, because he doesnt raise his voice nor punish her, and hes very gentle despite his meticulous demeanor.

yuri getting enrichment in his cage of sorrows because somehow, due to this, hes breaking the cycles that have kept him captive his entire life. he becomes gentler with himself because of lara talking about her feelings to him and he has to accept that if it was not a sin for lara to have killed in self-defense, perhaps he can truly forgive himself for his original sin.

i think lara couldve been cleared fit for herowork again, but yuri sees her hesitancy and asks her whats wrong, and lara would trust him enough to dare to eventually admit that she doesnt want yuri to abandon her because she cant be useful as a hero anymore, but that she doesnt even want to be a hero.

her heroism was her mothers dream, and after what happened to her and accidental manslaughter, she doesnt want anything to do with hero work on the field anymore.

it wouldve been refreshing to have someone who just doesnt want to be a hero anymore, for very understandable reasons. yuri wouldnt have been angry with her, he wouldve told her that she doesnt have to be a hero if she doesnt want to. she doesnt have to be anything... and what she experienced on the field was undeniably frightening, even without her mother having pushed her into the hero career.

and anyways, at that point, lara could just say she wishes yuri was her dad and cause yuri enter such an emotional turmoil he doesnt know what to do with himself but in a way thats somehow positive.

he would have his own reservations about it, but like, thats something hed solve by himself instead of dumping it on lara.

paolin wouldnt have been disappointed in lara either, and whereas laras mother things you have to pick between things, paolin wouldve respected laras wishes and assured her that of course theyll be best buddies forever, even if she ends up getting a new buddy hero partner. she doesnt have to choose between friends, she can be friends with multiple people at once.

i think lara couldve just become yuris daughter. yuris ties are as garish as they have always been, but theyre so cutesy now because he lets lara pick them. he has ties with hearts and flowers and stars and licensed cartoon characters. all of his private folders are now marked with cute stickers in addition to the meticulous numbering system he uses.

lara couldve been part of the whole message of “you can still be a hero even if you dont have X power or do X things”, because even if her NEXT ability is powerful, she just doesnt have the will to be a superhero. instead she would be free to choose her own path and i think she still wouldve wanted to help people some way: maybe she wouldve gotten interested in yuris career as a judge and study hard so that she could be just like him.

t&b really hasnt had anyone who has just given up on heroism,and sometimes “giving up” is the kindest thing you can do to yourself... and i just feel if theres someone else who would benefit seeing “giving up” as something positive, its yuri. because hes so strict with himself.

it wouldve been lovely to see him gain some more substance in his life and for him to see that even if he doesnt feel that way, he can be kind and gentle and a positive influence on someones life, because hes not an awful person...

like my status if you cried lol (yeah im fucking crying btw)

anyway if anyone else thinks this concept is cute and doodles something or whatever i would LOVE to see it and would love if you could tag me in that stuff... or hearing your opinions

well thats it... if you read this far youre a fucking trooper but thanks for doing so. accepting thoughts and prayers in these trying times (said through gritted teeth)

#tiger and bunny #t&b2 #yuri petrov #lara tchaikoskaya #gabriels doodles

[psych-is-the-name]

This post was first uploaded to my Patreon. Please consider subscribing to get access to my original content a week before I put it on tumblr!

Not sure if anyone else will find this as interesting as I do, but this is what each of my super-long-posts look like in my files. 

first up is the first super long post i made, Bee Movie Script:

I made versions with and without text because I thought I'd be using this as a template for future posts (i was already committed to causing pain and suffering)

shortly after this post, tumblr increased the image limit from 10 to 30. Obviously keeping in theme with meme scripts I decided to do Shrek. There's a couple of revised images in this folder that I'll get into at another time.

now up to this point i was working in the image size of the longest image from the original "do you love the color of the sky" post. I have no idea why I decided to stick with that size for so long, but i did eventually realize I could make my images as long as i wanted. 

in comes the internet famous fic: my immortal

this was the first time were i actually felt bad for one of my posts. (but not enough to stop)

shortly after this my tumblr account got terminated (accused of selling accounts???) and all future projects were put on hold. and when i eventually did make a new account i simply reposted my old stuff.

after about 4 months I realized I wasnt getting my old account back, so got right back to being an annoying little shit.

I played around with text format to create a zipbomb/lag file under a "readmore". and created some glitch polls when the function first got introduced.

Eventually I looped back around to my super long image posts. just in time for April 1st! and this April 1st was the 10 year anniversary of the mishapocalypse

the statistics for this post were INSANE. in 24 hours it had reached 20k notes, and hilariously 2/3 of those were reblogs. people LOVED inflicting this on their followers. actually i should say "love" because even though it's May 22nd at the time of writing this, my mishapocalypse post is still getting notes.

and that brings us to my remake of "do you love the color of the sky" the post that originally inspired this whole reign of terror

as some people have pointed out in the notes of this post: yes i did repaint the whole thing from scratch. the original post was so crunchy i couldnt slap text on top of it and call it a day. and while i was remaking this classic post i made some changes (apart from the obvious) I used a watercolor brush I'd just downloaded to create the clouds simply because I wanted an excuse to test it out. and the stars in the night sky were given some fun galaxy colors (the original was only black and white) 

the only nit-pick i have with this remake is that too many people genuinely enjoy scrolling though it. not enough suffering for my liking! 

#psych's art #do you love the colour of the sky #do you love the color of the sky

[greekromann]

1, 6, 12, 15, and 16! for the WOL ask meme!

👀 this is long so. Its under a readmore. Also ffxiv spoilers through endwalker below

1. Why did he become an adventurer? Glory? Money? ...?

The way Khalja grew up, his adoptive father made sure to instill in him a deep respect for the sacrifice his birth parents made to keep him out of the crossfire during the empire's expansion into doma. This was intended to convince him to stay safe and look out for himself, but it backfired into "im going to set out and do something about the empire. Personally", so his initial reason was really. To get stronger and find a group that he could join to combat imperial expansion. He'd heard about how the eorzean city-states drove the empire out of the continent from traders in kugane, so he figured hed start there

6. What did they think of Hydaelyn in the beginning? Did they change their mind about her since then?

He was actually initially pretty mistrustful of "giant crystal that talks to you", and couldnt shake the feeling that he was being used and intentionally kept in the dark. The mistrust turned into annoyance when he found out that she was the reason he had the echo (has considered it a curse ever since he awoke to it as a teenager), but through arr he found no reason to directly oppose her because she granted him the strength he needed to meet his own goals. When midgardsormr more or less broke her blessing, he found himself 1. Very fucking scared and 2. Missing her presence, at which point he realized that he had come to lean on her much more than hed ever intended to. He was kind of pissed about what happened with minfilia also lol. He just very much doesnt like feeling like he and every other person with the echo is a pawn in some cosmic game of chess. By the time shadowbringers wrapped up he'd become more comfortable with (or more accurately, resigned to) the idea that he would probably always be her champion, and that was fine as long as their goals were still aligned. Brief moment of panic where he learned that shes a primal, in the "does that make me. Tempered. Am i tempered" before realizing that thats stupid and the fact that hes Able to question that means he probably isnt. And then of course the events of endwalker completely tossed his idea of her on its head. He only wished that he got to spend more time with venat in elpis, but what little time they did have together made him far more comfortable with championing her cause. Khalja voice "venat my best friend venat"

12. What do they think about redemption and forgiveness? Would they forgive an enemy? Would they forgive themselves?

I think, prior to shadowbringers, he wasnt. Super into forgiveness and redemption. Like as far as he was concerned any crime needed to be answered for, and post-shadowbringers he definitely doesnt believe in like. Letting go of past offenses, but he sees a lot more nuance in these kinds of situations. [Standing in a room together with gaius post-stormblood] [gritting his teeth] This Is. Fine.

Ultimately he just wants to understand people's reasons, i guess? And he'll judge for himself whether those reasons justify their actions. Additionally, if someone proves that they're interested in doing better, or somehow making up for their past transgressions, he's going to try and look at them in the here and now, rather than as who they were before (with varying degrees of success)

As for himself... he's become acutely aware of the ridiculous amount of power he weilds, which means he's also Acutely aware of how devastating the consequences could be if he made a misstep. In an unhealthy way hes fashioned himself as the sole protector of his friends and loved ones, and so if any harm comes to them, he'll probably. Never forgive himself lol [flashes back to the vault]. Additionally, the body-snatching incident with zenos put a new fear of "what could other people do if they got their hands on my strength" into him. He's started to feel guilty for simply Being, on account of the danger it potentially puts other people in. But Its Fine Hes Fine Guys Dont Worry About It

15. How do they feel about the Ascians?

He has a very hard time hating the ascians after seeing them for who they really are. I mean that didnt stop him from stomping them into the ground whenever they posed a large enough threat, and nothing justifies the havoc theyve wrought in the millennia since, but he cant help but feel sympathy for them. After all, if all of the people HE loved and looked out for were killed, shattered, and transformed beyond recognition, he cant guarantee that he wouldnt also make some. Extremely terrible selfish decisions. [Throwing pebbles at emet-selch] Youre still an asshole [feels bad anyway].

He feels the most sympathy for elidibus, on account of. Teenager Thrust Into Govt Position And Turned Into A Primal For The Survival Of The Star. He doesnt really see him as responsible for the events that have followed since, even though he definitely. Still is. He sees a lot of alphinaud in elidibus gwjegdjd

He Does Not like lahabrea, but as of meeting him in pandæmonium hes weighing the pros and cons of attempting to Get Some gwjsgdjgdjd. Cons: hes actually one of the worst people he knows, thancred would kill him, thancred would kill him, he'll probably be rejected out of hand, etc etc. Pros: god lahabrea can GET it

16. Tell us about two major events from MSQ that left the deepest emotional scars on your WOL.

I MEAN. several gwjwgjdgd but the deepest scars......

the first would probably be the vault. Khalja felt that he owed a lot to haurchefant and he was kind of charmed by his extremely earnest nature, so losing him would have hurt enough on its own. Worse than that though was that haurchefant died protecting khalja specifically, which is something that he'd never had to. Deal with before. Up until then hed thought that the only person he'd hurt with his reckless behavior would be himself, but [watches haurchefant bleed out from a wound meant to be inflicted upon him] [has to go home and tell his family that hes only alive because their son/brother died] Oh. Oh This Sucks So Much Worse. Hes partly healed from that experience, but the guilt he feels has never left him (and likely never will), and it influences the way he handles situations where his loved ones are involved. Hes not willing to let anyone else take a bullet for him lol

The next would actually be the body-snatching experience with zenos. He'd never felt more helpless and terrified; the image of his own body about to strike down alisae and raha haunts him constantly, and while he understands that it wasnt him who did that, it definitely made him start to view himself as. A monster of sorts. Lol. When he woke up back in his own body and saw that none of his friends had come to harm he broke down sobbing in relief [he has not cried in front of. Most of them]. Post-endwalker, hes still afraid of his strength someday being used to hurt the people he loves. He would genuinely sooner die than let something like that happen again

#ty brittany i love. my special little guy #ff #ffxiv

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

#poi answers #not kuro #anon

[dollbutch]

i tagged the post abt laptop temps n such with the temps my laptop has hit and honestly i just want a reason to bitch abt it so im gonna put it under a readmore 

i cannot put into fucking words how much of ordeal this piece of shit has been for me and im honestly so exhausted, its a razer blade advanced 15″ 2018 edition for reference it cost me 1600 quid and i got it late very early 2020 on sale working my ass off to buy it and honestly its the biggest regret of my fucking life, the sale is an important part cus turns out i couldnt fucking rma it, ive taken it to multiple specialists and its just fucked theres something abt the cooling and the processor and its just unfixable, i wish i backed up the picture of the temp monitoring hitting 105 cpu and 110 gpu to show people before it got factory reset cus itd be funny if it wasnt like actively destroying my mental health, im like actually terrified of it hitting summer again n it getting worse tho itll probably blow up before then anyway since its actively getting worse

its got a fucking 2070 and it can barely run fucking anything its frankly incredible ill do everything in every ini i can, use demaster mods n run on lowest possible settings, the few things that do run im lucky to get an hour n a half of gametime before it crashes or bluescreens and at most i get 15fps which honestly makes me feel genuinely physically sick

i cant fucking pursue any of my desires or dreams, 3d modelling software sets it on fire, it cant even run games let alone record or stream so going back to try youtube again is outta the question, it gets to hot to comfortably type so i cant do rulebooks or write fiction i just dont know what to do anymore i dont have the work opportunities i did when i bought i can barely afford food and ive had to completely abandon the hope to medically transition or treat chronic pain n fatigue so i cant even fucking replace it its just a slow eventual decline until its just dies

#shout out to the league game where it chain bluescreened for 13 minutes until i could get back into the game and we somehow won

[lonelyquail]

tell us about the au where audrey fights odio!!!

grabs you grabs you grabs y. okay so i dont know if. anyone save for 7 and casey hi 7 and casey. i dont know if any of you guys know both of their deals. more of you know audy than odio. im working on a slideshow for that. but ill put a basis here under a readmore for Major both wandersong and live a live spoilers. if you do not care about the background do not read this part its all just me explaining backstories.

okay so!! to make things short, odio mclivealive was once a Protagonisty Jrpg Hero named oersted set on a Jrpg Quest to save a princess from a big bad dragon the Lord Of Dark but things go badly. the first time he goes to the dragon's lair two of his party dies (his childhood friend and his Implied Hero) and for Completely Nothing, not even the dragon was more than an illusion. from there oersted accidentally kills the king via Being Illusioned Again into thinking that he's the Lord Of Dark and pretty much the entire populace turning against him calling Him the Lord Of Dark^tm instead. from there he tries to go back and find the princess to clear his name but all he finds is Betrayal as he finds the childhood friend at the top of the Evil Dragon Lair that he thought he lost earlier. but no actually hes just jealous of oersted being a Protagonisty Hero and never feeling Loss or whatever. they end up fighting and oersted ends up having to kill his best friend, only for the princess to finally show up out of the shadows and Promptly Stab Herself In The Fucking Heart because while she was Waiting And Praying for oersted to come save her, when he finally did it was only to kill the man she Really loved and call himself a hero for it. so at least if she killed herself he couldnt take her from him too.

i love shakespeare. anyway from here the silent protag oersted, alone at the top of a Big Bad Dragon Lair and faced with the people he cared about all dead at his feet for what they Say is his fault finally speaks up. hadn't he done everything that was asked of him? what could he have possibly done differently? not be the hero everyone wanted him to be? oersted was promised a hero's ending, yet it all turned on him for nothing he possibly could have controlled. they call him demon, but at this point can he even deny it? so, at the top of this Peak Of Hate, he steels his heart and becomes the monster the people he was fighting for wanted him to be, taking the throne of a long-dead god to become Odio, the Lord Of Dark. then he goes and commits atrocities. im not going to get into that but its a joker arc and the next time we see him hes so evil and murdery i like out loud went holy shit oersted chill out. but he still holds the belief that hes the true hero this whole time right. all i really wanted to say is that hes a villainous paragon who went too far off the deep end.

this is also to say that audrey's not nearly as bad as him! also that explanation was long so im gonna try to explain audy a bit more succinctly.

audrey redheart is from any perspective that isnt wandersong, the main character. she was chosen for a quest by what is Effectively An Angel for actual literal god to go kill some other mini-gods, in a ritual to end the world so god can start it over again. this'd be fine if the actual main character of the game, the bard, wasn't getting in her way and trying to find a different way to Save the world which almost everyone knows at this point is a wild goose chase. but they KEEP. GOING. audrey was given her destiny on a silver platter, this is Her story. she's only doing what's right but even at a point the angel who picked her starts to cheer for the bard instead! all she wants to do is be the hero, there's no reason to assume she's anything different, but just from the Way The Game Is, she's the villain and it's not fair. what's worse is that she Does actually accomplish her goal. she manages to kill the last overseer even despite the mcs defending them, and Does end the world. not really though. at the last possible second, the bard makes a desperate plea with the power of singing and friendship or whatever that Does actually manage to make the god rethink destroying the world.

despite all her efforts, despite doing Everything right, the bard managed to save the world. they managed to steal Her story. i am actually emo about this part but from audreys perspective its Crushing because this effectively means that even the god who gave her this purpose in the first place left her behind. yeah. yeah. you don't see her postgame but my interp is that she kind of just. stews in it. she's far too proud to even admit the bard won but also can't just take their credit so she's just in a fun echo chamber of resentment. i dont think she really Goes anywhere with it for good or for bad without a nudge but i also assume she'd actively avoid almost anyone who Could give her a nudge. yknow? yknow.

THAT WAS LONG IM SORRY. ill actually explain the concept in a reblog but i wanted to give some background first for my followers who dont know these guys.

#IM SORRY #im going to explain the actual au in a sec just. give me a bit. give me a b #vee shut up #live a live spoilers #wandersong spoilers

[glamoplasm]

edit: the person this was in response to apologized and said they misspoke so i’m putting this under a readmore. i dont want to blast them, but i still stand by my reply to the idea that was expressed which is why i’m not deleting it outright

got to say its extremely weird for someone to say actually a gender nonconforming man is MORE affronting to gender norms then trans women!! what the FUCK are you talking about.

in the eyes of the conservative, the politically motivated transmisogynist, drag, “crossdressing”, and gender nonconforming men, and trans women Are Of The Same. they treat them as the same and legislate them as the same. it is the same malignancy, a denial of norms that underpin societies splitting of "man” and “woman” as biological separates, unalike things. a “man” could never want to be a women and in fact couldnt. there must be some perversion at play, a man with something Wrong with them. its fucking stupid and sucks to think that somehow “a woman can have a dick” is actually a lesser affront to norms then that a man could wear a dress.

one its a fundamental lack of understanding of how nonconformity with gender essentialism is actually viewed, but two its just wrong like its weird to claim that what the hell do you even mean

#transmisogyny

[pyonzzz]

robin hiiiiiiiii i am here to ask you for himeara~~ what would a cute date for them look like? plan one ^_^

OH MY GODS I THINK ABOUT THIS SO MUCH im putting this under a readmore because i know im just gonna talk so much

so himeru and arashi both are major makeup people and just from their casual wear you can tell theyre both into fashion too. not to mention theyre both really invested in their image so i can imagine them having similar diets. i feel like a perfecr date for them would just be to totally indulge themselves in things they never do normally. going to arcades, getting real sweaty playing around in a big open park, going to a cafe and trying any sweet that catches their eye ("here, try this one!" arashi says with some of her choice sweet, holding the fork in front of himerus lips. they look between her and the sweet, a bit hesitant, struggling to overcome his habits. the look in arashis eyes is sweeter than any food either of them could ever eat, and she looks so happy. she must really love the sweet, they think, and sharing it is such a sign of love. so they open their mouth and arashi giggles as she feeds them. the treat is nothing compared to the way she smiles at them.), just completely forgetting their careers and enjoying each other

another good idea is them staying in at their dorm. laying on top of each other on one of their beds and watching movies together on one of their phones, hair tied back and face masks on. doing each others nails, doing each others makeup in their style, maybe even trying on each others clothes. (himeru sways back and forth a little, feeling the breeze from the long skirt arashi had lent them. she claps as they do a spin for her, and strikes a few poses. she scoots to the end of the bed as they plant their knee on the mattress, holding her face as she puts her hands on their chest. "you should wear skirts more often," arashi says. "they suit you so well." himeru hums and presses their forehead together. "only for you, narukami," they reply. "if its for you, then himeru is okay with it.") i just want them to hold each other and, i will never stop saying this, enjoy the fact theyre loved. they couldnt save their loved ones in the past, theyve made the worst mistakes, but theyre loved. they can have nice things. they dont need to go out or be extravagant to be loved and accepted. they can be themselves and they can be loved, and that means so much

#kit tag #HI KIT HIIIII #himeara #can you tell im obsessed with them #i also really just want tetora to come back to the dorm while theyre having one of their closet fashion show dates and it turns into + #+ a 'lets style our totally not child' date where they combine their styles and give tetora a makeover #i love the idea of himeara and silent intimate spooning sessions because they just want to enjoy the fact they can hold the one they love #augh. oh my gods.

[eirian]

I’M A LITTLE SAD ABOUT VILLAIN + SCHOOL--wait let me put this under a readmore it might be long

I’M A LITTLE SAD ABOUT VILLAIN + SCHOOL...i love the characters TO DEATH. like i adore them and i adore the gist of their story that i had set up. unfortunately thats..all i had :( i couldnt work out a solid story for them that satisfied me and it got so frustrating to the point of headaches so i had to put it on hold for a while and focus on other projects (hi facets)

plus on top of the fact that i dont actually enjoy making comics...idk. im worried about its future

i want to figure out a way to make villain + school a short and sweet story while still getting the original idea(s) i had across but idk how to do that efficiently in a way that doesnt absolutely kill me yknow?

idk. sighs. just gonna let myself be sad about it for a little while

i am wanting to also work on tsod if anybody remembers that old story from like six years ago lmao. it was what i had planned to do after doppelganger until i got into dragon ball and mirrors took its place.  it was basically a more adult villain + school honestly so v+s was kind of its spiritual successor in a way

wah..i just want my boys to be seen but i cant do that when theres no story to tell :(

[queenofbraves]

Tmi under readmore

Truly unbelievable, I get all jazzed to try something new bc im feeling good from setting up my appointment to start my transition, the store doesn't have any cages fine whatever I also wanted to get a bigger plug that doesnt just slip into my ass completely including the handle to see again, if I actually get anything out of it, and a dildo in case it doesn't hit deep enough. I go home and realize my dick *hurts* like I really have to pee but I cant. Kind of force some out but it doesnt get better and realize "Oh its because thinking about becoming a girl and like all the hot people you follow and all the fun kinks you want to try has had you like hard off and on since fucking noon" try dildo, doesnt really feel pleasurable but it sure does feel there, couldnt really work it so move to suction cup mode. Still doesnt do anything but its lined up right at least. Take it out, put in vibrating plug. Feels yknow. BETTER for a little but not like its going to make me cum or anything, get the sleeve too since you know that works kind of, fucking have to pull up something horny cum quickly and it fucking comes out w so much force it fucking shoots me in the eye. But it didnt feel good. I just. If nobunny wants to be with me and toys dont feel good what the fuck am I supposed to do. My balls still hurt and so does my eye and its all over my pillow and it sucks. Nornally I'd be happy about how hard i came but I literally think it's because I was edged without trying to be for like 7 and a half hours.

[dexholderr]

rotating tyde n vin in my brain (put under a readmore cause i ended up ramblin for longer than i expected lmao):

they are a Mess right after the fight against octavio. times of stress n such can bring people together like nothin else, but after? once its all over and the dust settles?

workin together as agent 4 n 5 was a good way to get them talkin again, but even then really it wasnt great. vin did Not want tyde to be there, didnt want to risk him gettin hurt, but tyde felt the exact same toward them. not to mention that tyde followed vin down the grate without them knowin, and vins own refusal to say a word about bein an agent in the first place. it led to a lot of tension between them, especially when it was time to switch between kettles. things smoothed out a little near the end, but just barely, and the final fight did Not help.

and after? they just. didnt talk about it. vin was physically hurt and needed to heal, and tyde felt like the distance was coming back all over again. its no ones fault, genuinely (though they both blame themselves, at least a little, once they stop to think about it), but neither of them can help feeling like things wouldve been so much Easier if the other just. Said somethin, let the other in and told them what was goin on.

thats what leads tyde to put on the hypnoshades, in the end. hes hurtin, and deep down, feelin abandoned. and he doesnt Understand. why couldnt vin have just Told him about bein an agent, explained that thats why they were always so busy, and so so tired in the rare moments they werent? was it all really That Bad? and in a desperate moment of pain and impulse, he puts on the shades.

and oh boy, does it not go well. in fact, it ends up goin even worse than when it was callie wearin the shades. not only was it someone that vin didnt know yet that time, but she wasnt actually part of the fight. but tyde? thats vins younger brother, and he has a splatling and knows how to use it. to say that vin feels kinda betrayed would be an understatement.

tyde saw what happened to vin last time someone wore those shades, and yet he goes and puts them on anyway? and for What? to show that hes Lonely? that hes Sad? dont misunderstand, vin cares about tydes feelings, and would drop everythin to help him, but when he pulls somethin like This? theyre furious, and nothin is resolved. all that happens is vin gets thrown around by octavio again, this time with a splatling lasering them the whole time

vins anger is quiet at first, cold. they refuse to say a word until tyde does. but tydes first words are an accusation of vin not caring about him, about anyone, and they arent going to take that laying down. eventually, both are shouting, screaming words that neither mean. eventually, hands fly and callie n marie have to step in to hold them back.

eventually, vin leaves tentakeel outpost, pausing for just a second when tyde calls for them, but not looking back before they goin through the grate to go back to the city.

on their way home, though, they stop at crusty seans to get somethin to eat, somethin familiar and comforting. a moment of hesitation, and they order tydes favorite as well, leaving it in front of his door as they pass to get to their own down the hall.

things go quiet between them for a long time, vin avoids goin to the makomart tyde works at, tyde avoids goin to the cafe vin works at. they dont talk, and it hurts for both of them. callie n marie try to help, not wanting what happened to them to happen to the siblings, but it doesnt work.

but then kite and the captain come back with someone new, an octoling thats named himself cirrus. after a few more weeks, cirrus and tyde become roommates, and its good for them, though cirrus can tell that tyde is hurting

he decides to step in, refuses to see his friends hurting if he can do something to help. its just small things, really. asking them both to hang out without the other knowing, messing with the patrol schedule so theyre scheduled for the same days (with the captains permission), etc. just trying to get them to be around each other

and eventually, it starts to work. its slow, so very slow, but they start talking again. asking about each others days, asking how works been, sharing funny stories of stuff thats happened. its slow, but its Good. and eventually they sit down and Talk. really Talk, about everything. the hurt, the pain, the distance, the silence, all of it. and they slowly make amends.

and slowly, they become siblings again. they heal, and they take care to keep up with each other, to not let the distance comeback again. and when, years later, vin asks if tyde would be ok with them goin to splatville? they talk about it, and end up callin every few days after vin goes. and when the train line gets fixed, they see each other every weekend.

things are good

#i just... Them #i care them and they care each other #vin(four) #tyde(five) #agent posting