#i want to be a guy but i haaaate masculinity | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hartmannyoukaigirl · 4 months

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rant abt my mom bc I am. actually going to Kms ↓ ( it's 10 PM and it's safe to say that since around 1 PM I've been crying. yeah. )

INHALES.

I don't want to cry AGAIN so I'm not going too far but I actually need to let this out

My Mother Dearest might actually have a thing for showing me off to random men at this point. She explicitly uses any opportunity where my dad or brother aren't present to get me in the most stupid horrible situations with disgusting old men.

I don't like makeup or going to the saloon or any of those stereotypical feminine things... but she's OBSESSED with them and

Has a mid life crisis so she's trying to use me to get all the male attention she lives for

Hours earlier, I was getting a picture taken because ?? my mom wanted to? although it's really useless and

I was wearing a really tight sweater UNDERNEATH a really big, comfy jacket.

It is The End Of December so it's pretty cold, and I never take the jacket off on purpose !! but bc I'm wearing a huge comfy jacket It'll be uncomfy to wear something oversized underneath ( which is what I wear when I'm wearing only one layer... listen idk how to explain. U get me )

but now. my Mother dearest. Knowing this. told me to get undressed :))))) Infront of the guy and his camera :))"(+((1!((2(4((£+£33

I LOOKED LIKE A PIXIV/TWITTER ANIME GIRL DRAWING DONE BY A HENTAI ARTIST. I AJNDNFE I LITERALLY HATE HATE HATE HAAAATE That type of... thing. Its

the situation was so humiliating.

it perfectly showed my body and I DONT LIKE THAT. ESPECIALLY When I'm in a closed room with a man and a camera like what the fuck ??? this is literally a p/rno set up

and my mom actually got mad at me, yelled, and hit me with a hair brush to take the jacket off.

I did end up doing what she told me but I ended up crying so much as she's just yelling at me and insulting me. she kept saying how I need to be beat TO act right and she laughed and made jokes of, and I directly quote "a big masculine black guy beating me so I'll act right"

I've had a massive headache and actually ate close to nothing all day and even now I feel more nauseous than anything. but after we came home and ate she hugged me and said "oh I'm sorry but yknow sometimes U just gotta listen to me!!" you don't KNOW BEST YOU ARENT. god. to tell me what to do. sorry.

my mom wants to be worshipped and for her word to be absolute but... no. very unfortunately for her I have a spine and also I am religious.

she told me "oh just do it !! undress!! and god will forgive you later. just ask for his forgiveness" wtf. also fuck off you're the one going to hell for this ? she may think she escaped or evaded the Very Factual and Actual Sin of NOT DRESSING PROPERLY IN PUBLIC SPACES But I. wasnt. at fault.

her way of speaking was really annoying too... you can't just do something that you know is very much haram and a sin and go "oopsies teehe' like

for her she may have no morals and she evidently did say "I don't care about anything but how good the picture looks." but I do

and i

am tired of being forced to do things against my will, comfort and beliefs.

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