#i want someone to tell me how much they love my art and how it impacted on their lives and how they love what it was and how it was made

[writting-stuff-sometimes]

Just for a second - Lando x fem reader

Summary: Y/N "dated" Lando for a while but life happens and sometimes it isn't a fairy tale.

Warnings: Fluff and a sad ending.

Word Count: 17K

Notes: Please, no second part requests. This is me trying to deal with personal stuff I don't know how to work out, and writing helps me get it out. I wrote it in a rush so excuse the mistakes.

___________________________________________________________

An Instagram DM request called your attention, when clicking on the notification his name froze you. You doubted about opening it.

After panicking for a couple of minutes you finally did.

LvNg4Lf Hey, I will be in Italy next week. Can I take you out for some dinner?

Your heart rushed a million miles an hour.

You had kept yourself busy for the last year to keep him out of your mind, but the moment his stupid face and name appeared on your phone it all came back.

"Y/n? Are you ok?" Ana, your best friend and roommate asked softly as if not to scare you.

"Sorry, yes" you answered matching her tone

"Are you sure? You're biting your nails again"

You removed your hand from your mouth.

"He messaged me"

"Who?" You just stared at her. "Oh hell no, what does he want?"

"He will be here next week, he wants to buy me dinner"

"Why?"

"Don't know"

"What did you say?"

"I haven't answered"

"Are you going?"

"I don't know"

"How do you feel?"

"I don't know, I thought a year would be enough to get over it, but I guess not" you said signaling your bitten nails.

"I don't know what to tell you"

"It's ok, I don't know what I need to hear"

"Do you want me to stay?"

"Hell, no, it's your anniversary dinner. You go, I will be fine"

"Are you sure, I can tell-"

"Go" You pushed her off the couch "Say hi to Leo from me. Have fun"

"Ok, but message me if you need anything"

"I won't and you know it, go!" You pushed her out the door and sat back on the couch, your phone on the coffee table. How could something so insignificant as a message have you losing your mind?

You and Lando had met in the UK at a Quadrant shooting, your boss was in charge of the art department for the shooting but that weekend he had caught a bad cold, and after the pandemic, anything close to the mild flu meant someone else had to take the job and that's how you found yourself in a meeting room with Lando, Max and the rest of the creative team.

It was an instant click, he was funny, and smart, and much to your surprise he had a good eye for colors, textures, and lighting, he was clearly an amateur but better than a few of your "professional" coworkers.

The shooting was long but so entertaining and with such an amazing vibe between you and Lando, when he offered to drive you to your hotel you didn't hesitate and said yes.

It was all super friendly, both of you talking about everything and nothing at the same time, you sat in his car talking well past 5 am.

The next morning you got an Instagram follow request from a weird account and a DM request.

LvNg4Lf Hi, it's Lando, last night was so much fun, it was amazing working with you. I would love to invite you to lunch and talk about future projects. This is my personal account, please don't share it.

The next day the group chat was exploding with messages asking you for details about your hot night with the F1 driver, but there was nothing to tell, it had been all innocent.

The dates started as innocent work meetings but slowly the topics drifted from work to more personal stuff, then the Instagram DMs became more and more frequent, and before you realized you started seeing each other for movie nights and dinner dates. The first kiss happened one night after dinner, he was dropping you off at your flat. He had been weird all night as if something was bothering him, you were worried something was wrong.

"Thanks so much for dinner" You said as he helped you out of his car. "Please let me know when-" He pulled you hard against him placing his hand on your cheek.

"Don't hate me, please" He whispered, and joined your lips shyly.

You kissed him back, it was as natural as all those dates. His soft lips against yours felt amazing.

"I'm sorry" he said out of breath as his forehead rested against yours.

"Don't" You gave a quick peck to his lips.

Just a kiss was shared that night, even when your body was asking for more, and judging by the bulge pressing against your hip, he was craving more too, but neither of you wanted to rush it.

It was just a situationship but it was intense. You kept it down on the low, only your roommate and best friend, and his best friend knew about it. You could see how everyone treated the other "WAGS" and your mental stability wasn't ready for that kind of pressure, especially when you didn't even know what was happening.

He was flying straight back to London after every race, staying over at your house or you going to his, spending as much time together as you could. Movie nights and romantic dinners in either of your places were the usual, but you didn't care about not being outside. His arms around your body, him kissing your forehead, neck, and lips, was better than any date outside, you couldn't keep your hands off each other and didn't want to risk being caught in public.

You were falling, and falling hard. Once you even flew to surprise him at a doubleheader, spending one amazing week with him, living the full F1 experience.

His personal brand had reached a high peak and his management advised him to move to Monaco, it was a good economic decision. He was so excited when he told you about it as he showed you the apartment he had just leased, but all you could think about was what about the "relationship"?

It was the post-sex rush that made him ask you to move with him to Monaco, but it wasn't that easy. You loved your job, and you had worked so hard to get to the position you had now, leaving the country for a situationship wasn't the smartest idea, especially when he wasn't sure about going public or even formalizing. Another suggestion from his team. His Playboy era had proved to be a great marketing strategy, his merch sales had increased the moment he broke up with his last girlfriend, so getting into a relationship was strongly discouraged.

You spoke about it once, but in the end, moving with him or him staying in London was out of the question.

You avoided the topic for the last couple of weeks you were together. He spent his last night in the UK at your place, since his place had been emptied. It was as lovely as every night you had been together, but you couldn't shake away the bitter taste of him leaving and not knowing what would come next,

"We will find a way to make this work, ok?" He whispered against your lips as you said your goodbyes.

"Promise?"

"Yes" he kissed you deeply, biting your lip one last time.

He got in his car and drove off.

You kept in touch, facetime was your best friend for a few weeks, but slowly the communication started to lessen. He had a lot of work with Quadrant and the races, and you received an offer to lead the company's office in Italy which kept you crazy busy.

You moved to Italy a couple months after he had left for Monaco. Thank God, your best friend found a way to move with you thanks to her remote work, keeping you company whenever you needed to vent about your situationship. Around that time you were messaging just a couple times every couple of weeks.

Slowly whatever you had faded away, and even when you still had feelings for him, you did your best to keep yourself busy trying to bury whatever you felt under tons of work and meaningless dates.

But now, his message pulled all those feelings back up, and they were as strong as they were a year ago.

Y/USERNAME Y/workadress, on Friday I'm off at 5

LvNg4Lf Great, see you on Friday

Thank God, Ana spent the rest of the week at her boyfriend's, when she texted you asking about Lando you just replied "I'm not sure yet", she had such a strong mom vibe she would've rushed home just to talk to you about it, ruining Leo's anniversary plans.

"Y/n, somebody's waiting for you in the lobby" one of your workmates said as she entered the meeting room, a cheeky grin on her face.

"Thanks, Lis" You gattered your things nervously.

"Who's the cutie?"

"An old friend" you said escaping her interrogation, you were anxious enough to also worry about the office gossiping about your relationships.

The moment the elevator doors opened you recognized him, his back was facing your way, but the curls were unforgettable, and his arms those damn arms.

"Hey" you softly said standing behind him.

"Hi" A big smile on his face as he took you in his arms.

You hugged him back, it was as if no time had passed. He was bigger, stronger, and his back was broader, but still, your body fitted inside his embrace like a glove, and his scent, you had missed it so much.

He took your bag and jacket as he walked you to his car. Inside he handed you his phone.

"What?" You asked confused, he was usually the designated DJ.

"Your address"

"Why?"

"You need to pack for the weekend"

"What? I thought we were just having dinner"

"Do you trust me?" he stared at you making your heart rush.

"Calm down, Aladdin"

His particular laugh melted your heart, you hadn't realized how much you missed that sound.

You typed your address and started the route.

You shared small talk, he asked you about your day at work and you asked about his trip there.

"Go, I will wait here, I need to make a couple calls" He opened the door and offered his hand to help you out.

"What should I pack for?"

"Whatever you might need for a weekend, if anything is missing we can buy it, now go" He kissed your forehead and took out his phone as you rushed up to your apartment.

You took a quick shower, shaved, and trimmed where it was needed, not that you were expecting anything to happen, as far as you knew this was all friendly, but you didn't want to get caught offward.

"Holly shit, you're not going to believe who I saw-" Ana barged into your room as you were searching for a dress in your closet.

"-what are you doing?" She asked approaching the suitcase on your bed. You just turned and gave a nervous smile. "He invited you to have dinner, and you weren't even sure you were going, now you're packing?"

"Well..."

"Why are you packing? Are you escaping, want to jump in my car's trunk?"

"I'm not escaping, I'm not sure, he just told me to pack for the weekend"

"What if he's kidnapping you to take you to Monaco, should I call the police?"

"I'm not going to Monaco!"

"Not yet" A hint of sadness in her voice.

"I'm not, I swear, we're just doing something that I'm not sure what it is, but I'm not moving anywhere."

"Well, I guess the only thing we're sure about is that sex is part of the plan" She said pulling out the Victoria's Secret set you had packed.

"You never know" you answered with a cheeky smile.

You finished packing and rushed to the door.

"Please take care, be careful, and call me if you need anything, I will send the Italian troops your way immediately"

"Thanks, I will keep you posted" You hugged her and rushed downstairs, Lando placed your bag on the back of his truck and started driving without a map.

"Are you telling me where are we going?" You interrupted the conversation.

"Nope" A proud grin on his face.

"Are we going to Monaco?" You asked shyly.

"Do you want to go to Monaco?" He turned to look at you, some seriousness on his face.

"I'm just asking" You turned your blushing cheeks towards the passenger window.

You kept a casual conversation, the nerves were fading away but then he placed his hand on your thigh, and your breath hitched, it was a normal gesture when you were together, but now it felt like your leg was on fire.

A little over two hours later you were driving on a dirt road toward a lit-up old-style chalet.

He took both your bags, placed the code on the pad at the door and a beautiful living room appeared. It was one of those fairytale-like chalets.

"Follow me" He walked up some stairs to the only room in the house.

"One room?"

"I didn't think you would mind us sharing a bed. If you don't feel like it, I can sleep on the sofa" A hint of shame in his voice.

"No!" you said a little too loud. "I mean, I just... this is all just a surprise, that's it" You walked towards the bed and sat on it. He placed the bags next to the closet and walked towards you, he sneaked between your legs and you hugged him by the waist as his hands wrapped around your shoulders.

"Want to explore before it gets darker?" He kissed your hair.

"Sure" You followed him through the back door.

It was such a beautiful place, a jacuzzi was just outside the living room door, facing the Italian countryside. Not a single sign of other people for miles and miles.

He took your hand, intertwining your fingers as you walked through the dimly lit path. The conversation was about it all, your new job, the F1 season so far, just like old times.

Night fell and you walked back to the chalet, the full moon giving you enough light not to need the phone flashlight.

You prepared dinner and sat in the living room to watch a movie. After you finished eating you found yourself leaning against his chest, Aladdin playing on the flat screen as his fingers softly played with your hair, and yours traced the veins on his arm around your waist. A knot in your throat, you missed this so much.

As Aladdin was kissing Princess Jazmine after defeating Jafar his finger found your chin, turning it softly towards him. You stared deep into his eyes, your breath hitched when his tongue traced his lips. You moved your hand to cup his cheek and pulled him to join your lips. The kiss was soft, but filled with emotion.

His tongue entered your mouth as you turned your body to face him completely. His hands found your thighs guiding you to straddle him.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked breaking the kiss, as much as he was dying to be with you he wanted to make sure you were ok.

"Yes" you answered leaving a soft kiss on his nose.

That was all he needed to hear and in no time you were naked, his lips traveling to the places he missed the most. The moment he entered you it was as if you were two pieces from the same puzzle.

Magical, wasn't enough to describe the weekend. You had sex in every single surface of that chalet as if you were trying to make up for lost time. Even the sex in the jacuzzi was amazing, you had heard a ton of stories discouraging you from doing it in the water but it had been one of the best experiences in your life.

It was the early hours of Sunday, and you had to leave the chalet that afternoon. Your head on Lando's chest as his fingers traced figures on your back. A sudden feeling of sadness took over your body. A couple tears escaped your eyes.

"Y/n?" Lando took your face when he felt a warm tear on his chest and you sobbed silently.

"I'm ok" You said trying to sound normal.

"Come here" He sat up, his back against the headboard and he pulled you to straddle him, this time it wasn't sexual, he just needed you close. His face showed he was as unsure as you were, bringing more tears to your eyes.

"I know" he softly said as you laid your head on his chest and finally let the tears fall freely.

When the tears had eased you lifted your head back. Seeing your red eyes and nose broke his heart.

"You're thinking the same, right?" You lowly asked as you saw his eyes starting to water.

"Complicated?" his voice hoarsed from the tears he was holding back.

"Yes"

"You seem happy in Italy"

"You seem happy in Monaco"

He nodded and you leaned your head back on his chest as fresh tears fell from your eyes.

"Having you by my side would make me happier" he softly said as his fingers played with your hair.

"Same"

You knew that for now, this was impossible. As much as you loved being with him, you loved your work, your life in Italy was amazing and you couldn't ask him to do something you weren't willing to do yourself. Maybe you didn't love him as much as you thought, but why was this hurting so much? You could feel your heart breaking into a million pieces as his chest moved in a way that let you know he was crying too.

"I'm sorry" He whispered

"Don't, it was amazing, it's just...life"

"This fucking life"

"Ok" you took a deep breath and whipped your cheeks. "We still have a few hours, let's make the most of them"

He smiled, his eyes still shining from the tears, which made you sigh. "But first" He kissed your neck. "One more?" he pulled you down grinding your body against his growing bulge.

"Let's see if we can fit two" You smiled against his lips and hugged his neck.

After leaving the chalet you stopped by a small trattoria, eating slowly, enjoying every bite. Back on the road he was driving the speed limit, trying to spend the most time together.

He parked next to your car.

"I'll help you with it" He said as he stopped you from taking your bag.

"It's ok" You tried to reach for it.

"I insist" he took a step back.

"Lan, I can do it, please" You looked up at him, your eyes watery again.

"But..."

"Thanks for this, it was magical, but I think it's time" You tried to hold back the tears, he was doing the same. He didn't say a word but handed you your suitcase.

You hugged him hard. He breathed in your scent, trying to lock it in his memory and you did the same with his.

The garage door opening interrupted the moment.

He whipped your tears and you did the same with his.

He kissed your lips softly, you knew the three words he was holding back because you were holding them back too.

"Good luck next weekend"

"Thanks, good luck at work"

You said goodbye as if you were seeing each other soon just to make it less painful, but the truth was completely different.

He watched you walk towards the elevator. you saw a faint smile on his face as the door closed.

The moment your appartment door closed Ana rushed to you, hugging you hard when she saw the heavy tears falling from your eyes.

Tag List: @wtrmlnsgr94, @ricsaigaslec, @ironmaiden1313, @formulas-bitch,

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.

#f1 fiction #f1 imagine #lando norris imagine #max fewtrell imagine #lando norris x reader #f1 x reader #lando x y/n #f1 x y/n #lando norris fluff

[uselesslexbian]

the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about my good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

#rp ask meme #ask meme #rp prompts #rp starters #rp meme #lyric starters #lyric memes #idk what else #if there's typos no there's not

[blueskittlesart]

i am trying so so so hard to wait and watch nimona with my friends but i keep seeing gifs and. idk if i can willingly let myself cry that hard in front of other people

#nimona is like. like words can’t describe how formative that comic was to me. #i found it in my local fucking library when i was like. maybe 12 years old. and it is the thing that made me start writing seriously. #it made me realize that my art could tell stories. that i could say what i wanted to say using the thing i loved doing so much #it was one of the first queer stories i ever read and loved. #dear god i am going to cry so hard. from the opening of the movie i know i am going to be in tears #nate stevenson words cannot describe what your art has done for me. i am so so so excited to see this movie #anyways 😁 when i finally release my own comics i hope they are able to do for someone else what nimona did for me fr #personal

[mel-loly]

-“Oh, school has to be something serious, especially this year/something like that!”

The things I did when I was at school (especially in computer class):

TW: cigarette

I have a lot of memories, and this is certainly one of the most important/best/funniest in my life. I'm really going to miss everything... and I'm already crying lol..

#yes. I did that- and my friends loved that stuff <33 #*sigh* I'm really going to miss it.. I'm not ready to be someone older... (I really hate the future) #and I'm not posting anything yet because I'm waiting for christmas day to me come back. that's why I'm not answering anyone #when I get back. I'll kind of try to have more content and answer you guys. but for now I want some time... #I want my year to end in a different way. #like- full of memories. the ones that made me laugh the most. these are the ones I really want to remember.. #I don't want to leave aside everything I've experienced this year. and in all these last years actually. #I want to remember them. I want to make them become stories so I can tell other people how much I had fun.. #and I hope that even I will enter a new life. I can also have other stories to tell and have fun! #with other people. and maybe. with my friends too.. #so- yeah. I'm mel. and hope if you read this. say something.. to let me know that you care or something... #i'm mel and this is my blog✌️ #my art blog #my memes #? #my memories #my memories of school #my memories at school

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard* #I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details #of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point #but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag #of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there #are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance #but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly #doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. ) #the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead #of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like #you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image #or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i #wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol) #hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe #I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing #that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc #eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that #this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently #wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj #Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU #CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN #MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie* #Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol #I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it #with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits #and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit #out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the #unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh #re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI #art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA

[quinn-pop]

Mayta Knight day 4 - Loss

this is one of those comics you can easily tell was unscripted but 1. the loss of one’s self is probably one of my favorite themes ever and 2. i infect everything i draw with fluff (apparently)

bonus:

#text in notes !! #as you can probably tell i did some very bad editing on this one #I REALLY hated how some of the panels turned out so #this is the only way it’s somewhat presentable okay #pen art struggles #you can just pretend it doesn’t look like mk’s poking kirby in the eye… #anyway yea this is my maskless mk headcanon #the paw pads are very much just because i like drawing them #and i love when people give him scars and all but im not good at drawing those and keeping them consistent n whatnot #and then ill have to commit to deciding whether he’s fluffy or not and im not ready… #kirby #kirbyposting #meta knight #metadad #mayta knight #my art #seriously someone tell me how that works #oh. Yeah. and ignore 5 finger mk. please. Please i dont want to redraw this LMAO

[effervescent-fool]

Biggest thank you in the world to those that have sent me DMs about my art. Thank you to everyone who has sent me love and support for my work. Thank you to everyone who has given me the motivation to continue doing art. I'm not always the best at responding to these things but the support I have received from here means the world to me ❤️

#i am a godawful conversationalist but you guys are the nicest people on earth #and to know that my art was enough to make someone want to reach out specifically so they can tell me how much they loved it is to know that #i have truly made it as an artist #james.txt

[enigmaticdoctorscully]

🔮Crystal Bruno🔮& his pissed off sisters

Searching for a Miracle still has me in a choke-hold

@sokkas-first-fangirl

#my art #encanto #pepa madrigal #bruno madrigal #julieta madrigal #atlantis au art 2 for sokkas-first-fangirl #encanto art #madrigal triplets #in which marina still doesnt really know how to draw men but is trying #also im SUPER pleased with how pepas hair turned out #i have another save without the green glow on pepa and julieta if anyone wants to see it dm me and ill send it lol #if someone wants to tell me why i spent a whole day just doing the linework for julis little braids when you cannot SEE it #idk why i love formatting the text on these like that so much #pepa bruno julieta #i know theyre CLOTHED but its not as sexy sue me #im here to simp for julieta #just started wrting about pepas hair turning out so well and noticed i already did that #very on brand for me #im making headway on this sexy motorcycle au drawing yall im lOSING MY MIND

[frecklystars]

I’m so fucking desperate to feel that love again!! that safety!! I don’t want to associate TF characters with the person who betrayed me anymore!! I want to associate them with all of that love I felt for years and I have no idea how to get back to that feeling. my god I’ll do anything. I don’t care how long it takes, I’m so scared and I just want it back. I cannot tell you how exhausting it is to have anxiety gripping onto your brain 24/7, to be constantly on the verge of a panic attack, to feel unsafe and on edge because your personal information was searched for relentlessly by someone on the internet. I cried so much at work today because the phone was ringing and the caller ID showed my ex-friend’s state, and I was so scared it was her. It was most likely spam, like always, but I didn’t pick up the phone. I shouldn’t have to feel scared like that. 

I couldn’t get any work done, I didn’t finish one single thing. I had five hours to complete my tasks and I got absolutely nothing done because I kept crying and having anxiety attacks every 20 minutes. I had to lock the door and put up the “be back in 5 minutes” sign and go into the storage closet and crouch on the floor to try to catch my breath because I couldn’t calm down and I was scared of a customer or a manager seeing me like that. I’m a fucking mess!!! I was so tempted to just walk out into traffic, just get it over with, I’m so sick of feeling so bad. I’m not okay! fighting off the suicidal urges is so hard when I don’t have F/Os, and the last thing I need right now is this firm belief that my F/Os actually want harm done to me. I need them more than ever and I’ve been conditioned to feel scared of them. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared I’ll never recover, I’ve never felt this way before and it’s been nonstop for almost a whole year. I don’t want to be stuck like this. what if I never get them back?? I see gifsets of Starscream and I’m like “god I love him so much” but then I end up crying because I don’t think he loves me, I think he would stab me if my ex-friend ordered it. i think he’d rip me apart just to make her happy. I never used to doubt his love for me, now it’s like I don’t remember that safe feeling at all. i’d do anything to get him back. i hate feeling like this i can’t fucking function like a person anymore. I hate feeling unsafe in my own workplace I hate feeling unsafe in my room I hate flinching every time my phone goes off even though I know she can’t contact me anymore

#and im still so fucking baffled!! like!!! dude i have ptsd from her bullshit!!! how stupid does that sound!!! #COMPLEX ptsd like what the FUCK #with all the times she said she wanted to cut me off i wish she would have just done it #and so many ppl have told me she just! cut them off! and i wish she cut me off!!! #i wish she had left me alone so i wouldnt have had to go through any of this!!! #im so sick of feeling like my own comfort characters are going to betray me too!!! #m so sick of . not being able to go onto people's TF art blogs #because i know her S/I is gonna be floating around there #i hate that ive had to block some of my favorite artists that she always commissions #i hate that she gets to enjoy transformers she gets to enjoy the thing she ruined for me #and most of all i hate that she treated it like she didnt even care it was happening #her final message ot me telling me to just. stop being triggered. i fucking hte her #i hate her so much. i wish she'd leave me alonei wish she'd get out of my life #i hate feeling so scared and so worthless i hate that i think starscream doesnt love me anymore #hes my starlight and im his starflower and now its like. all of that is so stupid #i am so stupid for thinking he would care about someone like me #he'd rather be with someone manipulative he'd rather kill me than kiss me #i just want to go back to how things were ijust want my f/os back #delete later #vent

[cosmic--static]

//

#(not so)happy first time since my grandpas passing in july that I've realized how much i miss him #i was talking to an older man at the art store today about his art and he told me that he and his wife were civil war reenactors #and i thought it was so cool and i had a thought of 'oh man i should tell grandpa about this' #and just got stuck on. I cant #and it was a moment of oh man. theres a lot of wild things my color theory professor talks about that i would have LOVED to tell my grandpa #because he always questioned and wanted to know why someone did something #god it got annoying sometimes but im literally never going to find someone that im going to have that type of conversation with again #something something passage of time #it sucks. im never going to have someone to play chess with like i did with him again #no more music #OH MAN THERE WAS SOMEONE PLAYING A HARMONICA AT THE MARKET TODAY AND I ALMOST LOST IT #i have homework to do but augh crying #cosmo talks

[mossywizard]

kisses whoever bought this right on the lips

unless its a family member, then depending on who it is... either a hug or attack

tothesolarium    threadless  com

#i love this piece very much #and someone wanted it as a bag #my heart and soul #its so weird that people do wanna like live with my art #it makes me really happy #i cant tell ya how grateful i am for all the people who like i what i make #it really just #yall great thats for vibing with my soul lol

[caffeinatedopossum]

I feel like I'll never be a good artist because of my aphantasia

#its like it goes both ways... i love art but its so difficult because i cant make it spontaneously but making art helps me visualize #the things that i want to see #its the only way for me to see my alters or my inner world #and its the only way i can remember my friends faces even a little (i also have very poor facial recognition) #its my only way to imagine... my only way to daydream #my only way to see things differently #to see myself differently #and it hurts that its so limited #im scared to complain because im afraid people will tell me im just not cut out for art #or that i clearly dont really have it because i can draw #but i dont think they know just how much effort i put into everything. just how much it means to me #i feel like a terrible person and a terrible artist because i have to rely on reference images and tracing so heavily #i feel like everyone will hate me if they knew how much i rely on other peoples art to improve... #i dont want to do anything wrong i just want to maks thinge #i just want to make things #Its the reason i stopped showing people my art and the reason i dont think ill ever be able to profit off my art #even though its my greatest skill (still not saying much clearly) #im scared ill show someone something im proud of and theyll accuse me #id rather just keep it to myself... #do you know how hard it is to be proud of something or love something that youre ashamed to show anyone else? #idk this probably sounds incredibly stupud #im sorry if any of you actually read this

[paeonie-s]

insomniacs after school makes me physically ill oh my god

#nakami studying the anatomy and conditions of the heart .. him choosing the stem track bc he wants to become a nurse #or beyond in order to better understand what magari is going through #their late night podcasts .. one degree removed from direct connection making them all the more open w each other #magari unable to leave her house for who knows how long bc of a Potential complication .. feeling crushed under her families love and care #and only hoping to enjoy whatever life she has left hanging out with her friends and travelling with nakami and having herself immortalized #in the ink and paper of every photo ever taken of her by someone she loves #most wholesome series in existence yet death flags are everywhere with every potential ending having so much to say about love and grief and #their coexistence. the art the way each and every smile is drawn w sm emotion and understanding. shits crazy #THE ASTROPHOTOGRAPHY .. LITERALLY A PERFECT SYMBOL AND ELEMENT GOD the vastness of the universe and our place in it #nakami says every photo i take is a photo of you bc you are the reason this world opened itself up to me #magari says i am stuck in a room in a single country on a single planet in a single galaxy out of an infinitely expanding universe #with all my focus on a single organ within my body and the fear it incites and you still make me grateful for every second i can still hear #your voice. shit is insane and so funny and romantic and heartfelt and it tells you again and again that it will likely end in loss and #grief and a silent death and the world continuing to spin like nothing happens #but it drags you into every panel and every line and every scene it creates for a moment that streches out into infinity #its open and expressive and informative of its inclusion of health conditions and disabilities but it still takes the time to state that you #need to love without pity and without an expectation that things will always be alright #just value the time you have together. its so fucking good im gonna explode #insomniacs after school #🌸.txt

[lunaria--annua]

Do you have an inspiration from your art? I see you have a very unique style with the small and one eyes if it's something not so serious. I really like it. It is like your own version of the chibi style.

My other friends who are also artists (you see me here reblogging their art often), and many, many other niche artists you have probably never heard of! The people that inspire me the most I follow here, and often share their work through reblogs, or just random arts I find here on tumblr, I'm pretty open about my inspirations in that way!

I'll end up with multiple, different styles, for different occasions! Like you said, the chibi one for things that aren't as serious =) (or a character that might be far away perspective wise and therefore not very detailed). With my more detailed style, I try to find a nice niche of stylization, where it's not incredibly realistic, but also not so cartoony that it ends up erasing a lot of detail, or wont let me allow to make serious and intense character expressions.

#doodle #drawing #digital art #art #monochomatic #my art #letter #sir lou #THAT'S SO FUCKING SWEET TRULY #I'M GLAD YOU LIKE IT; I'M GLAD SOMEONE THAT DOESN'T KNOW ME AT ALL POINTED IT OUT #I love the chibi artstyle so much too man I turn my characters into little creatures #Crreechurrs #I focus less on making them look 'cute' #or whatever #but instead focus more on really showcasing their basic shapes AND #you guessed it; turning them into little creautres. I mean one can tell they are still human (I think) #But if they are creaturefied like that it invokes a little wonder and interest doesn't it? #man this makes me want to draw the main cast in my chibi artstyle #more a look into the characters being; and less of just ''that's a human''.... I'm not sure how to explain it. #everyone is a different creature at heart

[c1nn4-bunny]

[through coughs of blood] HEHURHEUDUE YOU GUYS DONT EVEN KNOW THE NICE STUFF IM WRITING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW !!!!! [hacks up a lung] !!!!!!! JIST YOU WAIT [collapses]

#c1nn4bunny.txt #im in pain lol dont mind my dramatic ass #back pain that makes u feel like ur dying fr fr tho #ANYWAY. I HAVE ALL THE IMAGES I'M USING AS REF IN SEPARATE CHANNELS FOR EVERYONE ON MY LIST. AND THE CHANNEL DESCRIPTIONS #ARE ALL ME COMPLIMENTINGNYOU ALL AND SAYING HOW MUCH U MEAN TO ME !!!! #YEAS I WILL BE TELLING YOU THIS MYSELF BUT LIKE. JUST VAGUELY KNOW THAT IM HITTING YOU WITH A #SLEDGHAMMER WITH 'LOVE AND AFFECTION' WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF IT AND HEART STICKERS AND GLITTER ALSO IT'S PINK #nervy because one of them is someone i dont actually. talk to. often. but like. their art has meant a LOT to me since. early high school. #in terms of like fuelling my addiction (/j) and weirdly helping my gender dysphoria?? like huh wow that's me now actually. #and ive just been watching them grow as an artist and im so proud of them and [screams] GOD I WANT TO TALK TO THEM SO BAD BUT LIKE. YKNOW??? #and then there's you fuckers (mutuals)(affectionate) that ive somehow managed to pull into being my friends. #dont think for a second you're exempt from the affection barrage. you're the first victims. you will be smothered. (endearing) :)

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

#spilled ink #writeblr #this is a real story lol #looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt #compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY #edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family