#i wanna go back and visit but idk how to travel by myself and idk who i would go w

[adventuringblind]

Bucket List

Charles Leclerc x Reader

Genre: soul shredding, crying so hard, etc.

Request: no but I felt like crying so here ya go. If you have a specific scenario you would like to cry too, please request it. I love off human tears

Summary: her body loved to contract problems. Charles is determined to stay by her side.

Warnings: soul shattering, talks of illness, not proofread because I can’t edit and cry at the same time… I am not that talented

Notes: idk why I did this to myself…

Masterlist

Some people are just naturally drawn to tragedy. Though, for most, it's unwilling. This is the case for Charles Leclerc.

He fell in love in an unexpected way. At the hospital. Falling into her on accident.

It was 2015, he was still a child, in his way out from visiting Jules. He was teary eyed and lost in thought.

Until he fell on top of her. The pills in her hand flying everywhere.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” He scrambled back to his feet and helped her up. The two trying to pick everything up.

“It’s okay, really, I wasn’t paying attention either.”

They got everything picked picked up, then they looked at each other. Really looked at each other.

She smiled. “No offense but, you look like shit and I feel like shit. Wanna make it up to me with lunch?”

They spent the rest of the day together. Charles learned their the same age. She wanted to travel. She’s dying.

It was terrible to learn. He didn’t know how to react.

“I’ve accepted it. I want to live before I die.”

His heart knew what he should do, but his mind didn’t want to let her in. Jules was already on the verge of leaving him. Could he do this again? If he was able to help her get closure, maybe he could find closure with Jules. It was a dumb idea. A terrible idea, really.

“Come with me. I travel a lot for racing. We can do whatever you have left in your bucket list.” He blurted before he could think about it more.

She smiled. “Sure.”

~

They became fast friends. She followed him to every race. Her parents were apprehensive at first, but they saw how much she wanted this and they weren’t going to deny her.

They tried to go as many places as possible with her, but work always caught up with them. The Leclerc’s became her second family.

She was able to help Charles through Jules eventual death. He cried for days. His races were getting increasingly difficult. The pain behind his eyes was evident.

She stayed with him. Comforted him. Made him keep going when he wanted to quit.

It took time, but Charles got there. He kept going. It was because of her.

~

Charles dragged her around the Paddock. She was know as his best friend. Pierre often teasing the two about it. The French constantly nagging Charles about when he was going to confess to her.

He would be lying if he said he didn’t want too. He had fallen in love with her view on life. How she wanted to enjoy every second. They were able to do that together.

He could tell though, her body was steadily getting weaker. Her lungs struggling to to breathe. Yet she didn’t waiver. Her smile was contagious.

He took her to see every monument. She tried every food. They took a ridiculous amount of pictures.

Then it happened again.

Charles didn’t understand why it was him. How he attracted so much death to the people around him.

His father was sick during his formula 2 career. It was difficult for him to get through, yet somehow he came back stronger. She’d helped him with Jules and again with his father. He couldn’t help thinking she was some sort of guardian angel. Sent specifically to him for this reason.

They both broke down when he won that race and dedicated it to his father. Joy and sorrow mixed into their sobs.

~

Then he kissed her.

When he signed his formula 1 contract, he thought he was dreaming. This notion led to him doing things he wouldn’t normally with the newfound confidence. Including kissing her.

She kissed back.

He’d helped her cross everything off her bucket list; Including falling in love. She’d known for awhile but didn’t want to push anything. They both knew what was coming. They knew her time was limited.

So they made the most of it. Charles took her out on dates whenever he could. They did things that weren’t even on her list. They watched every movie they could think of.

She smiled through it all. The doctors didn’t think she would live this long. The medication she was on was doing better then expected.

Charles didn’t want to waste any time though. Neither of them knew when her time would come. Everyday was a blessing.

When he signed with Ferrari, he knew he wanted to marry her. He would have never made it here without her.

He gave her everything. A proposal on the beach, a wedding that made her feel elated, a caring husband who was there on her hardest days.

She was around the paddock so much that everyone knew her. Everyone wanted to be around her. She was filled with life even though she knew she was knocking on deaths door.

~

It had been a cloudy day. Rain dripping down the window. She was drinking hot chocolate and reading a book. It was her favorite kind of atmosphere.

She’d been feeling terrible all day. Thankful that Charles had time off for the winter to help her around.

They had friends visiting. Pierre, Lando, and Max had come to stay for the week.

It was crazy to her that Charles was going into his fifth year in F1. If she was being honest with herself, she didn’t think she’d get to see him through this far. She felt blessed for it.

She felt so exhausted. Yet she still smiled when Charles came over and kissed her head.

Everything was so bright. It felt warm and comforting. Like Charles embrace. She could feel him holding her.

She wiped a tear from him cheek.

“I love you. Don’t forget it.” Then she smiled. Somehow she managed to catch a glimpse of his smile.

Her gaze moved to behind him. She saw Jules and Charles father. They were greeting her.

She knew what was happening. She could stop it.

With the last of her strength, she kissed Charles. Then let herself be embraced by the warmth.

~

It had been a month. He’d been grieving his loss. Barely talking to anyone. He’d lost his smile.

The funeral was hard. The entire grid had shown up. To mourn her and support him.

It felt like so much time had passed and was frozen simultaneously. He was struggling to take care of himself.

He was angry with life for constantly taking away his loved ones. It wasn’t fair. He wanted more time with them. With her.

Arthur had been staying with him. When he couldn’t, Pierre would. They tried to get him to get out of the house. Nothing they said seemed to help him. They knew it was going to be slow.

Pierre had come into his dark and messy room. Taking a seat at the end of his bed. “I wanted to let you know that they finished the grave stone. We don’t have to go see it today though. Whenever you’re ready.” Then he left.

Charles was ready to go in ten minutes. He looked tired and broken, but he was up. He needed to see her. Something to provide him with closure.

Pierre drove them to the cemetery. Stopping to get her favorite flowers along the way. When he parked the car, he didn’t get out. “I think you should have a minute to talk to her.” Then he pulled out an envelope from his pocket. “She asked me to give this you when you were ready.”

Charles shakily took the envelope and made his way to where she now rest.

~

It didn’t take him long. He’d spent hours choosing exactly where he wanted her to eternally rest. Close to the river that flowed through the cemetery. Underneath the shade of a large tree.

The words written across her grave made him choke out more sobs.

Y/N Leclerc, loving wife, lover of life, may your smile still be contagious from above the clouds

He gently sets the flowers down on top of the stone. Then he just sits. He doesn’t care in the ground is cold and wet. It feels natural to sit with her,

He opens the letter Pierre handed to him. Scared to read her words. Her handwriting looked a littler rushed. She’d written poetic words of comfort. Love seeped off the page.

She’d made him a bucket list. Things to do after she was gone. And at the very bottom: find someone to smile with.

~

She looked on at him. Her hand grazing his shoulder. She was glad the letter made him smile despite the tears.

“He’s going to be okay.” Jukes smiled from behind her.

“I know, he’s strong.”

Herve places a hand in his other shoulder. “You taught him well.”

“I think we all did.” She chuckles.

“Thanks for taking care of him all these year when we couldn’t.”

~

Dear Charlie,

I know my time is running out. I can feel myself getting weaker by the day. I know it’s not fair to you that I have to leave so soon. Regardless, the time I’ve spent with you has been the most amazing thing life could have blessed me with.

Remember that life gives you rough patches so you can appreciate the smiles that much more. Remember that your friends and family love you just as mulch as I do.

Don’t mourn for me, because I’m not gone. You can find me in the memories, the laughs, the tears. I’m with you, always.

I’ve taken the liberty of creating you a new bucket list. You can complete this in your own time, don’t feel rushed to do so. I just want you to remember that there is still life for you to live.

Learn how to cook

Stargaze from the track

Visit every state in America

Win the WDC

Find someone who makes you smile

Love your favorite person,

Y/N

P.S.: I’ll make sure Jules hasn’t been causing trouble in the afterlife

#x reader #fanficion #f1 fic #formula one #formula 1 #racing #angst #charles leclerc x reader #f1 fanfic #max verstappen #charles leclerc #charles lechair #charles leclerc x y/n #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc fic #charles leclerc imagine #Charles Leclerc f1 #f1 imagine #f1 #formula racing #racing driver #ferrari racing #forza ferrari #ferrari #scuderia ferrari #ferrari formula one #ferrari f1 #pierre gasly #arthur leclerc #lando norris

[queerbuckleys]

TUMBLR BREAK ANNOUNCEMENT

hii, i am going on vacation for like the next tenish days and need a break from tumbles <3 i wrote a big long dramatic note originally but it felt too *handwaves* it's under the cut if you wanna read more about why i feel like i need to take time away, but basically i have lost some of the joy of being here and creating and havent actually taken a proper break since 2021...so yeah! if you wanna reach out on discord or if you have my number pls do! it is not a moratorium on friendship :P just the hellsite. if you want a way to contact me over the next ten days and don't have a way to do so, i will be around for the rest of today so shoot me a DM and we will figure it out! see ya on the flipside, ily!

The other thing I have kinda stopped doing more unintentionally is reblogging sets and stuff, and I really don’t know why. I feel like I used to do that a lot more, and be far more expressive in the tags cause I know that is one of my favorite things about creating so I want to give that to others as well. And it feels as tho I am fulfilling an obligation when I reblog rather than expressing my love for the creation.

I have also not been reading basically any fics and I am hoping that my new glasses will help that situation but idk that I can actually catch up to all the things that I have missed no matter how excited I was to read them 😭

It just feels like being here is more work than it’s worth and I am letting people down atm, including myself. And this is supposed to be my happy, safe, creative space and it just isn’t right now and I want it to return to that.

Right now kinda presents a perfect opportunity since I will be traveling, visiting family, meeting new people over the next ten or so days so it just works very well to take an intentional pause. also i have been meaning to take a serious break since like...may, and several things kept me from doing so, but now all those things are past-- or at least will still exist to create for when i come back. as well as complicated things in my brain coming to a head.

so! i will be gone for a bit, i think it's like ten days or so to focus on my travels and existing as a person outside my apartment and outside tumblr. And when i get back i hope to do a little celebration of sorts 😉

if you have my discord or number feel free to hmu/ chat/ check-in! and if you don't have that and would like to contact me over this time, send me a DM today and we can sort it out!

i love you all! see ya in september <3

#i feel like im being saur dramatic but i think its time for me to ike actually properly do a tumblr break #blog things #blog updates #aj rambles #i will maybe lurk cause i cannot help myself but also i am going to try and really actually take a break

[stagkingswife]

Hello!!!! So... I'm really really scared of spirit work/deity work, idk I just am so scared of appearing to be disrespectful or something. So theres been some time that I'm just like worshipping and stuff, but I wanna take to the next level. 😅 and you seem really friendly lol so that's why i really wanted to ask you how do you invoke deities/spirits/etc..?? Or even a book or an article about it! I have already read Jason Millers book on spirit work, but every conjuring just feels so weirdly formal and so not me??? If it's really the same way you do, could you give me an advice of how to proceed during it and overcome this fear??

Thank you very much in advance! 💗🌷

If you're afraid of being disrespectful, just try your best to be respectful. I know that sounds kind of flippant, but hear me out here. In my experience, more often than not entity understands what you're trying to and appreciates and appreciates your efforts. They will see you trying to be respectful, and take your actions as the sign of respect you mean it to be. There are of course entities like the Fair Folk who do have their own very specific culture and deviating from that culture would be seen as disrespectful, but in my experience that's not case of every spirit or even most spirits. That being said, I can't help with invocation, conjuration, or summoning. I don't do anything like that because I personally find it a bit rude and demanding of the spirits I am close with. I treat the spirits I have relationships with like family, beloved friends, close neighbors or colleagues, and I find it rude, and presumptive of myself, to make demands of their presence and attention and I am not comfortable doing. I'm sure it works wonderfully for other people with other paradigms, but it's just not how I was taught or how I operate. I prefer to go to my spirits instead of trying to bring them to me, particularly if I want to ask them for a favor or for assistance with something. So I use a lot of Otherworldly travel to visit my spirits that aren't connected with physical places, or are connected with physical places I can't easily get to. And I will physically go to places where I strongly feel the presence of other spirits. I bring them gifts and offerings either way. For instance I met the clan of Fair Folk that I associate with for the first time in my parent's back yard as a little girl, so whenever I'm over at my parent's I go out back to that spot to drop off some gifts. On the other hand the only physical place that I've ever really felt connected to Drove was at a buffalo jump archeological site in Montana, but I live in NY - that's not easy for me to get back to so I visit her in the Otherworlds.

I'm happy to talk about how to Travel and set up rounds of visits and such if you're interested, or other ways to do spirit work without summoning, but if you have you're heart set on summoning I'm afraid I can't help.

#spirit work #deity work

[goosewriting]

i can't believe my brain finally, finally let me have a cal kestis appearance in my dream last night and it was the saddest most heart-wrenching thing ever 😩 my dreams are crazy, detailed and elaborate so this will get long lol if you feel like reading, go ahead, it's real "reader falls into an alternate universe and needs to find their way back" fic material 😂

btw if any of you ever have dreams with your blorbos i'd love to read it so feel free to honk in my inbox c:

so it kinda went back and forth between two different dreams i'm pretty sure. one playing at the university library and the other playing somewhere else. in the library one i was at a table with some classmates, working on our assignments, but there were also some people i know from elsewhere and we started arguing over something. then there was this girl who had lost something and i tried to talk her through how to get to the lost & found, giving the wildest (and very wrong) directions.

the other dream started in the middle of a yellow field of tall grass, where train tracks ran through from one side of the horizon to the other, nothing else to see. when the train came, it was massive, and i was participating in a heist of sorts. we (still don't know who the other people were) were successful i think, because the train derailed and we looted it. I think there was some big boss mastermind somewhere who told us what to do and we were all scared of her lol

so i don't exactly remember what happened after the heist, but the thing is there were these jumps between the dreams where in one i was this badass agent of whatever and doing cool stuff, and in the other i was "real me" in this world doing mundane things. although at some point i'm pretty sure i suddenly was an estate agent trying to set everything up for a visit except that the house was made of cardboard, but that's beside the point 😂 the scenarios from the library timeline i'm pretty sure happened not only somewhere else but in a different time altogether.

at one point, the events of the heist dream kinda come to its peak, and i now find myself in a big room (in hindsight i think it was the archives on jedha from the survivor game?) and somewhere in the air there's a bucket-shaped thing that's swallowing everything around it in a whirlwind, essentially ripping apart time and space. and as it turns out, cal has been there the whole time, and we were actually fighting together and stuff. but now that the bucket is about to shred the fabric of reality, we have to do something. and for some reason the plan of action is that i have to travel to a different universe. we (cal, me, and some other people idk) were all standing at a holotable looking at a map displaying different planets and universes and stuff (again, in hindsight, very web of life and destiny like. i just mashed everything together here it seems xD). and the reasoning in my head went like this: the planet we find ourselves on at this moment is not necessarily star wars canon and is outside of the known parts of the galaxy. so even if i do find my way back to this universe (which i was sure i could do, somehow) i still have no means to contact cal and or even find the planet again. so the search would take quite a while.

and there isn't enough time for us to set up a meeting point and time or anything because of the imminent danger. someone is already dragging me back to the bucket to be sucked into next wednesday or whatever, but i go up to cal one last time and he gives me the strongest hug and omg i didn't wanna let go. at this point i 'm in tears and as someone once again pulls me away and drags me off, i call to him "i will find you" and then everything goes black.

it's so lame i know but i legit woke up with a hole in my heart ;-;

my conclusion is that after leaving that place, the time and space travel kinda wiped my mind so i started a new life (the one at the library and the cardboard house) and completely forgot about cal :'( eventually i'd get snippets of memories, which is why the dream kept jumping back and forth, but i probably just thought they were daydreams or whatever, not my own memories. now that's some meta angst man.

oh and also at some point there were gorillas that shapeshifted into smaller versions of themselves with wings to fly around, and everyone was absolutely okay with that except that they were aggressive so they didn't like them. how that ties into any part of the dream i couldn't tell you but it was just a striking image to see these giant apes suddenly become small and flutter around shdjddkd

#goose honks #not that i plan on writing about my dreams too often here but i'll start a tag just in case lol #goose delulu dreams #my brain better give me more star wars content >:(

[zerodaryls]

19, 22, 23 (the temptation to ask 12 was sooooo strong ((i mean maybe you made more than one but jeez who does that lol)).)

<3

19. What’re you excited about for next year?

hate that this is the first thing that came to mind but i'm really lookin' forward to getting a tax return so i can put it toward my next Wales trip (though that probably won't be until a couple years later lol)

but like. other than that i don't really have a lot of Concrete things i'm looking forward to next year. 2024 is largely unwritten in my mental Planner. i guess i'm excited about Possibilities. i've put myself out there with a couple business ventures (like, self-employment stuff that i'm hoping will work out for me so i can finally get my own place and have a comfortable schedule and stuff), and i'm hoping to publish my first novel in some way, so i'm curious and a lil anxious but still excited about where things might lead.

22. Favorite place you visited this year?

god that's a tough one because i did a lot of traveling this year lol. like, mostly all within a 2-hour radius of where i live, but i've explored a lot of towns and metro areas. i really like the Tennyson St area of Denver; it's like its own downtown and not half as overwhelming as the big city center.

a little further out was Trinidad, CO, and i really loved the vibe of that little town. the downtown was really charming, with a super cool history museum that had a special section dedicated to a Dr. Stanley Biber, who was known for doing gender-affirming surgeries from 1969 until he retired. he literally did over 3,000 bottom surgeries for trans people, and apparently at one time the town was known as "the sex change capital of the world". i didn't even fucking know that when i stopped off at this town, what a pleasant surprise!! there were several visibly queer/trans people in town (yes i'm going off vibes but like. c'mon. my gaydar is excellent) and stickers in the windows of local businesses proclaiming them to be accepting, affirming, safe spaces. <3

i went into a local artist co-op shop and the guy who ran it was sitting there whittling at his latest wood project, and he talked to me for a while about how he moved there a few years ago and absolutely loved it, how everyone was so warm and friendly, he made me wanna move there lol.

i think when i go places, what really makes a place stand out to me is the interactions i have with people there. i'm an introvert by nature but i really hold those short, sweet connections with strangers dear to my heart.

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

god, i don't even remember what state i was in at the beginning of the year, so idk what would have benefited me most. i do wish i'd set aside a little more money to do the discovery flight thing this year. i'm gonna have to postpone it til next year, hopefully i can make it a birthday gift to myself toward the beginning of the year, lol, but i think if i could message myself in january 2023 i'd be like 'put like 200 bucks aside so you can fly a plane this year'

also 'do NOT buy that 80 dollar vibrator. it fucking sucks. the 20 dollar one is literally better. never buy expensive toys because they are never as good as you'd think they'd be'. 😅

[gurorori]

O, P, Q, for thé ask game if you dont mind me asking..

SUM OF Y'ALL PUTTIN' DA SAME LETTERS WAHHH I FEEL BAD!! alrdy answered Q so. we do a li'l scrollin?

anyway!!

O - Where would I like to travel?

travellin' (as a leisure? time? i guess) isn' smth i think ab a lot yet, save 4 in terms of immigration from. here. buuuut in my dreams really, i'd luv 2 travel 2 a few places 4 da cultural aspects.. namely ukraine, our.. half-homeland i guess, which we never actually been 2, but obviously uh. sumthin' sumthin'. nawt anytime soon, but i really wud love 2 reconnect with dat side, even if we don' have any contact with our ukrainian side of da family :[ i still want us b able 2 go there one day, specifically vinnitsa which is where our mother's side of da family was from.

apart from dat, i'd luv 2 go 2 japan — ok stay with me — but 'm deathly afraid of big cities (been 2 moscow & st petersbrug an' both times killed us badly) an' tokyo has like, da same population as moscow but much more population.. density? an' jus' seein' da amnts of ppl mkes me super nervous >_< i dream of goin' on a tour of like, shrines an' temples an' otherwise culturally significant stuff, as well as foooood. but ofc 'm willin' 2 put up with a bit of tokyo ONLY cuz of harajuku. i Will hit all da lolita stores. but really i'd luv a trip 2 japan jus' 2 experience da food & culture :3c an' i guess put our dusty musty japanese 2 da test?

nextttt morocco, ik dats.. unusual but dats where our mother's part of da family is Originally from, as they immigrated from there 2 ukraine.. (an' then our mother did, 2 russia.. gulp) an' she was born & raised in ukr, so she always kinda wanted 2 go back 2 morocco 2 at least experience it, but obv lack of funds etc. she always talkd ab it a lot an' stuff. kinda like we're the repeat of dat but with ukraine hehe? so, i wanna visit both if we ever have da chance 2.

P - What kind of music I like?

oghhhh well. bit all over da place but again do stay with me.. i think our very first music experience where we Knew wat we wer doin' & consciously wer seekin' out music 2 our taste was with the Holy Emo Trinity. yeah sorry 2 bring those memories back, none of em r even 'emo' exacly & hate bein' called it or wtv, but yeah n_n mcr, patd, fob... i think we wer into patd da most, ik i personally still am (system integration is a weird thing - i believe i merged w the previous host who was the one 2 discover all those, like, arnd the age of 11-13?).. a fever you can't sweat out (2004) by panic at the disco changed our entire life trajectory. i still have it as my #1 mika album of all time. i do have a lotta love 4 mcr too, fob we wer a bit less into, but yeah.

'm occasionally into pop-ish stuff, i like mika lots (also name twins :3), his voice & his art r spectaaaacular an' very unique an' him. he's so goodddd, his songs def helped us thru many stuffs jus' like da aforementioned bands. idk he jus' gets it, even the melancholic songs he writes (dat hit suspiciously close home >:0) r like DESIGNED 2 lift ya up i swear.

idk wat 2 define aurora as an' i wudn' really call her pop, she's a bit of her own character, especially here she's nawt exacly well known at all, but yeah i had 2 mention her. i don' think i ever connected with an artist on a deeper level than it was with her, largely due 2 her also bein' on da spectrum (it wasn' clear if she's adhd or asd but hey i can diagnose her.), like i see myself in her thoughts an' behaviors so much, da way she talks an' carries herself an' expresses herself in the art she creates. i genuinely Have Feelings 4 her she's so beautiful an' i can't stswp bein' obsessed w her & her music. da stories she weaves & da way she puts her emotions into lyrics is sooo special 'm Really happy 2 live in da same time as her. back 2 her bein' different like us, it really inspires me how unapologetically herself she is, like seein' a neurodivergent creator get Big (in sum parts of da world at least) an' thrive so visibly is astonishin'. i hope 2 attend her concerts one day :[ srry 4 da ungodly amounts of infodumpin' i doin' here but she means Dat much 2 me...

oh an' last but TOTALLY nawt least, 'm a huge goth, i luvvvv goth music so much, i guess a bit 'basic' but i really love the og styff, like siouxsie, bauhaus, the cure, joy division, sister of mercy etc.. i also luv 45 grave, the cramps, the birthday massacre, plastique noir, alien sex fiend, depeche mode, an' ugh SO much more i can't list it all 😭 i listen 2 a lotta goth is wat i can say.

oh an' 'm also a big fan of visual kei (as an extension of gothic lolita ofc...) but i mainly focus on malice mizer, as well as a few eroguro kei bands (which i rly enjoy as a genre too, who woulda thought...)

#hope ya enjoyed my shameless rambles n_n #mika asks #Uhhh uhhh i need a tag 4 ya don' i.. lemme kno wat emoji i shld put with yer name :3

[wildermouse]

Anything new lately? How are you?

ahh !!!

so like in life, nothing has really changed. my sister is back home for now and it’s been good hanging out with her. feel like i’ve really been bonding with my sisters this past year and it’s been nice.

i did, however, go to a Lights concert (my 7th or 8th one i think) and i held her hand (again) and it was amazing but what was even more amazing is that i dressed in a STATEMENT outfit (will post pics) and it was revealing and it was HOT and i felt GOOD and i got so hyped up by everyone even my MOM who only scolded me bc apparently i shouldn’t have been wearing any underwear with the pants i was wearing 💀💀 (pls mom they matched my top it was a good look (you’ll see)) and my friend & i went to a taphouse beforehand and got a couple drinks (i haven’t drank with anyone in SO LONG) and i got a little tipsy and we laughed SO much and it was healing and then i got two more drinks at the concert so i was feeling GOOD and i initiated conversation with this group of girls beside us and we mingled groups and i was so confident and talkative and flirty like oh my fuck i told them i was in my slut era and then my mom said she’s in hers too 💀 which they all loved and two of them at one point ran their nails across my scalp and the back of my neck and when i tell you i melted. jfc. in the middle of the club in a crowd at a concert. pls. and then i asked if anyone liked hugs bc i need a hug and this very tall hot woman volunteered and she held me dude. she fucking held me for a solid couple minutes and it was amazing. and then i hugged my sister and it made her emosh bc i don’t do that. there’s more to the night but oh my god it was just so fucking good. one of my favourite nights for sure. and the best part is i DON’T REGRET IT!! i almost always regret everything i do/say after i drink not bc i do anything bad it’s just that it makes my social anxiety fuck off so i’m more outgoing and vocal than usual. but nah, i was who i want to be. i’m growing.

i have TRAVEL PLANS !! my wifey is coming to visit at the end of next month and we’re gonna road trip!! gonna be so good i’ve been wanting to do this particular trip with her forever. then the rest of the plans are still up in the air but i’ll be going back to europe in the summer, and MAYBE in spring for a big tattoo but i’m thinking of postponing that til at least next year.

might move in w my mom spring-summer and start horseback riding again but that’s so complicated bc i’ve gotta take care of my sisters animals while she’s at work hhhh

i joined a warrior nun discord and have been making friends on there and it’s been sooo nice. i like actually have people to talk to. + the warrior nun fight is going so well and i love actually being an active part of the fight. y’all go watch warrior nun i s2g

idk like not a lot is currently happening but my mental state has been SO good since the beginning of the year. i think i was so burnt out for so long i needed last year to just.. lay down and do nothing. and it sucked, but i feel a lot better now. i feel motivated and i really wanna figure life stuff out. it’s hard bc it’s not all up to me but i’m working on it.

tomorrow is my birthday and instead of sulking away alone in my room i’m actually going out and bringing my friend with me and going to buy myself little birthday treats and getting tattoos and i reached out to people i haven’t seen in a long time and they’re hopefully joining me for board games and it’s just nice. the fact that i’m allowing myself to be happy on my birthday, to try and let myself feel worthy of others’ attention and time, to not beat myself up about wasting another year, so actually want to be seen. i think it says a lot about my mental state and i don’t remember the last time i’ve felt like this for longer than 10 minutes before the guilt sets in

so yeah. i’m good. i’m really good. or at least i’m starting to be <3

[disco-cola]

ok i need to rant again. when i was actually ON THE TRIP almost exactly 4 years ago (again, it was an educational trip organized thru a berlin based socialist youth organization) I literally had NOOO IDEA about palestine, like yeah I have heard the name before sometimes but I thought it existed CENTURIES AGO like no fucking joke I will admit this. in Germany they don’t teach you about this in school or in the media, ESPECIALLY due to germanys history, world war two and the holocaust you carry a sort of blame that’s passed on from generation to generation - it’s only been like 80 years too it might sound long ago but it really isn’t. you think oh israel is the jewish state and it has to be right after all germany did to jewish people, no further questions asked. before i never ever educated myself bc when I got old enough to watch and understand news that did involve Palestine, like in 2k14 i remember Gaza was big on the news with violent images and I was horrified just believing everything i heard and saw i distinctly remember googling where is Gaza bc i saw footage on the news and being scared but downright relieved when i saw its not close to germany (dumb) and I just believed the reports on tv. i didnt really use the internet then as much, i had no social media except Facebook and this blog at that point. Man I was 17 and in high school i didnt care for anything outside my small bubble bc I didn’t have to, being a privileged western child. So fast forward to late 2k19 in the project i was still hanging out at at the time we got the offer for the „israel travel“ and a lot of people wanted to go and I literally just succumbed to peer pressure imma be so honest. Everyone wanted to go so I did too, i didn’t wanna stay home. i just thought ohh i have not flown since 2003 and 300 euros for a two week trip i can actually afford this too for fckn once and there were too many people interested and too little spots so there was a Tombola and my name got drawn so that was literally the reason I went. And i usually pride myself with very good memory and recollection but those two weeks are honestly a BLUR to me like idk if it was the stress and excitement of the traveling itself but i wish i sometimes had listened more carefully, had already known what I know now and been able to ask more questions and watch and listen more closely. we did stay with Arab guest families in tamra for a week of the trip, the other half in Tel Aviv (i got wasted with the hostel staff after having to be freed aka 2 doors kicked down in my room the first evening we were there bc the doorhandle in the bathroom broke i was in trauma and then was mutuals on ig with the hostels chef until 2k21 when israel bombed gaza and there were also rockets from Gaza to Tel Aviv in response and he turned out to be Zionist so I unfollowed then) and then for the last few days we were staying in two air bnbs in jerusalem. We celebrated new years in haifa with a Christian Arab family that invited us. we did visit a kibbutz on New Year’s Day bc someone from our groups grandma was living there since 48 (yep back then i just thought oh wow that’s amazing now I would view this a lot more critically) which also got us an exclusive guide around the kibbutz which was just on the border to lebanon and seeing the bunkers was eerie but I understand it now that I got into the history involving Lebanon too. we visited several museums like ghetto fighters and yad vashem. which dont get me wrong im glad we did, it’s an important part of history. it was a „both side“ experience and I literally didn’t even realize there was a Palestinian side to it then. Like genuinely it wasn’t really made clear how this all came to be Israel. They showed us a map pre-1948 vs. now but how did it get so big i didnt know. What zionists are. What settlements are. What the IDF is (by now let’s just call it IOF) I just remember the second day in Tel Aviv someone told us israel has only existed since 1948 and I was like lol what like baffled how new it actually is. Dude it’s the first time I heard about that.

It was only a few months after the trip that i one day randomly started to read up on the history, like literally starting out on kids websites bc growing up i only ever just heard „it’s complicated“ making it seem like the „middle east conflict“ as they liked to call it was sooo hard to understand and you had to be sooo smart and diplomatic to have an opinion on it. and after reading up suddenly stuff I saw but didn’t question on the trip started to make sense. The huge checkpoint we went through going into jerusalem, our car full of Germans basically being waved right through without any control while i saw other cars being emptied out completely by heavily armed soldiers. We took a teen girl from Tamra to Jerusalem with us bc she liked to come along and then there were problems suddenly with BOTH our air bnb apartments and we asked the staff if we could accommodate our suitcases somewhere and just go explore the old city instead of waiting around blocking the entire lobby. first they said no you have an Arab with you (I didn’t even understand what they meant by that) then came around and let us do it after all at least. Dude she was literally a 15 yr old like 5‘3“ teenage girl. Why one of the guys from our group was detained and questioned at the airport for like 3 hours because he was born in Syria (had a German pass tho but anyway). And when we wanted to travel back the group guide prepped us for questioning and made sure we all had straight answers which I also didn’t understand the reason for - I wasn’t one of the people being asked questions but someone did truthfully tell Airport staff what we did during our stay and that we spent a week with Arab guest families and after that several suitcases SEEM to have been rummaged through (and I know bc I packed mine soooo neatly bc I bought baklava on the market the day before to bring my family and it was smashed like flattened) we did get into a storm when changing flights in Istanbul so idk maybe the suitcases really were just thrown around but for real it wouldn’t surprise me if they did control us after that.

Anyway I posted stories throughout the trip to my ig back then and just went with the first location tag that was suggested to me and looking back now, it’s all „…, israel“ when i was actually on occupied land (tel aviv jaffa haifa akka…) and I HATE IT ☺️ I can’t change it back now obviously. I don’t wanna delete the stories from my highlight tho, even tho it does make me feel kinda guilty, bc i see it as part of my journey. Quite literally. I honestly wish I could teleport back now being more educated about the situation and ask more questions, talk to more Palestinian people (like the guest families). Would I do such a trip again? Not as long as the destination on the ticket is called only israel. I genuinely hope I can visit Palestine again tho someday. But this time for real real.

#i also bought into the „roger waters is an antisemite bs before this 🤦‍♀️ #we even visited a STATELESS family in golan heights #and a UN base at the border to Syria #like we got AROUND I should have taken actual NOTES #i really regret that

[actualbird]

One for each LI, then! Senior Attorney's Badge, Wide-Angle Lens, Stud Earring and Ceramic Tea Cup 😁

YEEE ONE FOR EACH, let's GOOO :DDD

Senior Attorney's Badge: What are you most proud of?

ooooohhhh ok ive got two answers for this, a serious one and a not-so serious one that still is something im very proud of

the serious one is that back in 2020, i got this big-ish award from my university for Creative Writing: Nonfiction. im more proud of this award than i am of actually graduating college HJVJHAFVAKJS cuz i rlly did work my ass off to improve and refine my writing and getting this was just //brain explode-y noises. im p sure i peaked here

the less serious one is that way WAYYYY back in 2007 when i was like idk a few centimeters tall and in 2nd grade, this local educational tv show visited our school and randomly picked a bunch of students to see if we could answer a science trivia question for their program. the question was "Why does hair turn grey when people get older?" and I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO KNEW THE ANSWER AND GAVE THAT ANSWER CORRECTLY!!!!!!!

i was going up against 4th graders, 6th graders, i BEAT EM all cuz i was addicted to discovery channel and had, at some point, learned about melanin and its role in hair pigmentation.

this mightve given me a god complex very early on

-

Wide-Angle Lens: Where would you travel if you could travel anywhere?

i would like to go back to osaka, japan one more time!! i went on a trip there with my family once and it was lovely, but this time i specifically want to visit during the winter because i have never seen snow. as far as im concerned, snow is fake until i get to see it for myself. my brother lives in japan right now and back when it was snowing there, he sent a lot of really gorgeous pictures so i wanna see the places we went to back then but this time covered in Cold Stuff. that looks Really Fun To Touch

hey, is snow safe to eat? some of it also looks really fun to eat...

-

Stud Earring: True or not, what is something people assume about you?

that i watch a lot of anime JHVAFHVSFILASVFOAISH

this is something ppl Always assumed about me in college and i was really so puzzled like. is it...how i dress? how i walk?? do i just give off the vibes of somebody really into anime?????

i only had yuri on ice keychains on my bag back in college but thats just one (1) anime. i have watched more than just yoi, but not as much as what many ppl assumed i have. like huh, whats demon slayer. whats neon genesis evangelical. who are the heroes in academia. wh

-

Ceramic Tea Cup: What is your preferred drink of choice?

san mig 3 in 1 instant coffee

i literally cannot stomach any other kind of instant coffee, it Has to be this exact brand and this exact variant ajshfvkjshfak

-

thank u for the asks!! this was fun :DDD

#asks #exhausted-impact #ask meme #what about me gave off ''HAS WATCHED EVERY ANIME OUT THERE'' vibes in college legit jhavskfjhsa

[marc-spectorr]

Hey Callie!

It’s Birdy! 🦜💛 I’ve actually been communicating with you out of anon so I like kinda forgot I hadn’t responded back yet 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣 Now I’m wondering…would it be weirder to stay on anon or weirder to come off anon?? 🤔

But anyway! Yeah I wasn’t sure if people named themselves so I was like eh I’ll just call myself Birdy 😁

When I wrote that, I hadn’t realized you hadn’t seen Inside Lleywn Davis yet. Good thing I didn’t say anything else 😬 Tell me when you’ve seen it because I think I figured out why it hit too close to home for me but I can’t say without bringing up a major plot point.

Totally not trying to be creepy but just thinking that we’re in the same time zone and in another post you were complaining about the heat and going to Disney world….I’m assuming you live in a southern state? Obviously you don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to! I live in one as well and thought it’d be funny if we lived in the same state. 🌴🌞🍊

Also came across a post you made about almost calling a patient Oscar?? I work in healthcare so something else we perhaps have in common? Lol Couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought of us working in the same building everyday, our heads in the clouds daydreaming about Poe Dameron and having NO idea there’s a fellow closet fangirl who’s a coworker 😂 I doubt you work in the same place, I just thought it’d be hilarious 😁💕

Omgosh I used to love to travel before I got busy with work too. Of course I only ever flew up north to visit family but I used to love being in the airport and on the planes…me and my best friend used to drive to Orlando all the time but life has gotten in the way recently. Where would you like to travel to next?? Like realistically, not like fantasy vacation ☺️

I like cooking too but I tend to pick the most complicated recipes for some reason 🤣 my mom always looks at me so exasperated like why can’t you cook something simple?? Lol I actually tried to cook a Guatemalan dish (do I really have to explain why 😆) called tapado the other night and it was SO GOOD. Omgosh it was like this seafood stew but it had bananas? Got the recipe from Pinterest lol But I almost sliced my freakin finger off trying to peel a yucca root. My mom and I were laughing our asses off (hey it’s either laugh or faint) because we were like (you have to whack the shit out of it to even cut it) “what kind of Tarzan shit is this?? Why can’t you just cook chicken?? Are you too good for just plain chicken now?? Who’s out in Guatemala looking at this tree trunk thinking CAN I EAT IT THOUGH?? You know you’re never going to actually cook for Oscar Isaac right??” I almost peed myself I was laughing so hard!!🤣🤣🤣 Other LESS DANGEROUS hobbies I have are drawing, junk journaling, singing, writing poetry, and editing videos. I have a vlog channel on YouTube that I don’t pay nearly enough attention to but I love editing my home movies for my family ☺️💕💜

Can’t wait to hear back from you! Big hugs!! 💕🌸🌼🌺🤗

—Birdy 🦜💛💚

P.S. I watched Dune last week. Have you seen it yet? Cuz UGJSOENBEOWJLWODIDHEBO DEJSJSNDCIWODJR

heyooo birdy 💚🧡💚

omg we’ve been communicating off anon?? *tries remembering all of the blogs i’ve been interacting with in the past few days* this lowkey reminds me of a movie which i cannot for the life of me recall the title lolol. but it’s definitely up to you if you wanna stay anon or not! as long as we’re chatting, i like it either way :)))

ahh not creepy at all haha! i actually live in the northeast! yeah it’s hot here but you guys down there??? idk how y’all do it,,, the heat there is another level 😭 the only place i’ve visited in the south is florida and i was not vibing with the weather there at all skskksk. i prefer cooler temps like those in autumn/spring tbh. i hate sweating 😵‍💫 and yeeees!!! i work in healthcare too!!!! wow isn’t this crazy lmao. but ugh that would be so funny tho if we’re working together not knowing how big of a simp we are for the same man 🥲 my coworkers don’t get the whole simping culture unfortunately. must be nice not being hyper fixated on someone :////

as for where i wanna travel next, i’ve been planning a road trip to montreal some time this summer 😭😭😭 idek if it’s going to happen tho bc i can only go during weekends and it’s hard for the others to take off on those days. i would head there by myself but im not strong enough to drive the entire six hours LOLOL. i’ve been to toronto and the length of the ride was brutal i cant imagine driving there on my own.

HSJDJDBJDKSJJ HEY OSCAR WOULD BE SO PROUD OF YOU FOR COOKING GUATEMALAN FOOD HAHAHA. okay now im hungry after reading what you said and it’s only 8am ;-; i haven’t even gotten out of bed yet lmfaoao. but i wanna try this recipe out one day 👀 the only thing ive been cooking lately is pasta and chicken dishes since they’re easy and don’t take too long to cook ahjsjsjsj. also oOo a vlog channel :oo ohmigosh when i was younger i was obsessed with yt vloggers and vlogging in general. i even created a beauty channel but was too afraid to post lmaoao.

ahhH i havent watched dune yet 🤭 but ohhh goshh ive seen the gifs. im not ready to see oscar in his dilfiest role yet. i’ll let you know once i get to it plus llewyn davis!!! im still on a star wars high right now and mentally preparing myself for the mandolorian 💀

anywaaayyy love you birdyyy. you’re always a hoot to talk to :))) see you in my inbox hopefully soon 💕

#asks #🦜 anon

[agent-grey-fics]

So we all know that my mom is dying, she has ALS and she’s deteriorating pretty fast the last couple of weeks compared to last year when she got diagnosed.

I’m the oldest (25yo) of two and hope to graduate uni this September after my thesis defence. My sister just started her job (she’s 23) in a bigger city an hour away forum home and she’s moving into her first apartment in a month, also an hour away from home.

Now, I’ve always said that I wanted to get a phd abroad after my masters since my discipline isn’t a big thing in my country. That was my next big 4year life plan: moving away to a big European city and living my best 20somthing live whiles perusing a PhD. But when my mom got sick I pushed that of the table, I couldn’t put myself to move halfway across the globe when she only got around 3 years left. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.

So now that I’m staying, everyone seems to think and expect mo to stay at home with my mom and take care of her. I do want to take care of my mom but I don’t want to move in with her and be her caregiver 24/7.. It feels as if everyone expects for me to pause my life and spend the next couple of years on taking care of my mom 24/7. We had our issues in the past and everything started working out when I lived on my own during my bachelors and master’s, I haven’t lived permanently alt home since I was 18 and I’m turning 26..

When my mom got sick, my sister started to stay away from home under the ‘I can’t do this, I’m going crazy’ motto. Keep in mind that I was already in therapy before our mom got sick because of the childhood trauma I have from my relationship with my parents. I was working so hard on regaining a healthy relationship with them and the this happened.

So my sister barely visited home the last 12 months, I’ve been travelling back and forth to check on mom and take her to all her doctor and hospital visits. My sister never asks about how those went, until this July she even didn’t know that our mom was taking antidepressants and she YELLED at me for not telling her. But every time I wanna update her she blocks me off. Do you get the situation?

So I kind of already put my life aside to help our mom out, what I do with love that’s not the thing, but I never get a thank you pr help from anyone else, it’s just so frustrating ‘cause every is saying ‘oh but good old Lexi will stay at home and help her dying mom’. As if I don’t have plans for myself. I’ll have to settle for things I don’t want for my life and by the time I’ll be able to move on I’ll probably be 28ish.

I also found out that my aunt and mom put out a request for a care giver funding in my name. They didn’t ask me a thing…

I do want to take care of my mom, but not full time cause I still want my own life and share firsts with her while I still can. Like my sister gets to decorate her first home with our mom while I can’t because they expect me to stay at home.

I don’t want to sound like an asshole but this is so frustrating and I’m bawling my eyes out only by writing this down.

Idk just had to vent this out. My therapist told me to do the things I want for me, including moving out because she’s afraid for my mental health going back etc.

Ugh I’m sorry I had to rant about this one.

Lots of love,

Lexi

#me #mine #dying parent #ALS

[punkscowardschampions]

Cali & Marly & Group Chat & Barly

Ali: [Private to Carly, probably the day after the Johnny kiss and leave drama because you’re needing the rest of the day to try and process that]

Ali: I’ve made [some kind of diet treat Carly’s mother would approve of, probably vaguely alcoholic, full hun behaviour, you know the drill] to say thank you to [said mother] I’ll drop them on my route, if that’s cool

Carly: its grand she’ll be 😁🥰🤗 but you know u didnt need to worry yourself saying nothing 💛👼🌟🧚‍♀️✨🐝🌞💛🌻 she loves u its never no bother

Ali: ah this was no bother neither, besides, it was properly short notice yesterday and I wasn’t feeling the 🌞

Carly: 🥺☔️😢🌈

Carly: Im here if you wanna talk about the 🌞💛 going

Ali: I should’ve prepared for it, I thought I had

Ali: he was okay, better than that, even but it still was hard to see, you know?

Carly: I dont reckon theres no preparing for some things baby, much as I hate it for u

Ali: I reckon you’re right 🐇

Ali: and maybe I’m just being judgmental, sure, is he any more out his head than we get when we want or need?

Ali: Just looks different in a hospital

Carly: I shouldve put aside the fear theyd lock me up & come w you, I’m sorry

Carly: Im being a bad friend of late like

Ali: You never are, there’s been lots going on in your 🌍 too

Carly: nothing that matters like you reconnecting w your brother its massive & 🌍🌱

Ali: It should be

Ali: and it is, one of those things you thought would feel bigger and 💗 though, I think

Ali: I’m going to go see him regularly now so

Carly: ah sure it was only the 1st visit though you’ve to give it time for your magic to work is what mine’s saying 💙🔮💜

Ali: I’ll be ready next time, you’re right 🎯

Carly: & I’m serious about coming if youve need of it, phobia or no, ILY more than I could ever be scared

Ali: You’ll make me cry, in my fragile state

Ali: I wish your mum liked better baked goods so you could enjoy them more too now 🥺🥺

Carly: I cant be risking myself going to shit for 🍩🥧🍪🧁 physical state of me is as fragile as your emotional 😅

Ali: You’re perfect, I hope Moses is reminding you

Carly: you’ll make me 😳🍨

Carly: only u cos u know hes not saying things to me like how you are

Ali: but he makes you feel it, or as close to it as any of us do

Carly: he makes me feel alive

Carly: maybe cos hes after killing me most the time ❤️💜💙 idk but still 

Ali: We like alive

Ali: 💀💀💀 only in the good ways

Carly: hes pure class @ them ways, give the lad that

Ali: And he’s still looking after you, how we said, yeah?

Carly: ive not been 🔥💀👻 yet

Ali: Did you tell your ma what was said, what did she reckon about it all?

Carly: sure look we all reckon bb’s full of it 👶😭 she says he’ll calm if go for him next 💚

Ali: I don’t wanna 🌍☄️ but I had heard talking that it might be a bit more serious than that, could be

Carly: nobody grown’s talking, never are or [her mum] would be 🔥💀👻 donkey’s back for her carry on 😅

Carly: its yer man there cos I’ll not tell him hes a ride & I love him

Ali: What if it is about her carry on too, like it’s all being counted now

Carly: my da’s to be counted for us not having been moved on, his 👻 & her craic for what a decent non gorja fella he were 🙃 its k

Ali: Do the elders buy it, like 🌹✨

Carly: ah no but long as he no shows to claim hes true some fella working down the kebab or the like, what are they to say?

Carly: if she don’t have the knowing herself who he is they cant tell her who he isnt

Ali: You’ve a point 🤞

Carly: he could be a traveller sure as not 🌹✨ I like to think its so

Ali: He’s left it sos he could be anyone to you

Carly: if only for the wind up of em lads I deserve it

Ali: Serious

Carly: will we talk about yours?

Ali: My daddy?

Ali: I’m not sure I like where that’s going 😆

Carly: you’re gas but u know well I mean your boy there who was after taking you for joe til he wasnt 

Ali: I don’t know what to say about it, or him

Carly: you could start yourself on whats the meaning of the one way cos you didnt walk to [the name of the place where the psych ward is]

Ali: We got that far, like

Ali: can’t make much chit-chat on a bike going [whatever ‘cos undoubtedly you’re speeding, not meant to be on it anyhow at your age]

Carly: & he got himself 😤😠 over what when yous came off for being there?

Ali: God, nothing more tragic than recounting your failed attempts at flirting, is there? 😶💀

Ali: That was before, then we left it, he said he’d still take us but he shouldn’t of

Carly: I’m sorry he dont know you’re perfect or how 🐇🍀🌠 hes youve an eye for him out of everyone u could have your pick of

Ali: I know it’s stupid, how much he hates us but he doesn’t stick to it, my head is still spinning

Carly: hes ✂️ from same cloth as mosey to be sure, my god that boy hates me til he dont I feel 😵‍💫 its work making him like me at all

Ali: at least you’ve found a way, I feel clueless now 

Carly: your body isnt gonna be the thing for johno, well it is but he wont say thats as true as it is for any lad, he’ll act hes 😤😠 if you send him pics or throw yourself his way 

Ali: He threw his self at me 

Ali: then he was really 😤😠

Carly: oh now theres sense

Ali: Shall we just run away and never think about them again?

Carly: away w ye for 💭 youll let him win

Carly: hows he to get what he wants & not you? I reckon not, baby, we’ll be staying 🌼🌻

Ali: 😣

Ali: Ack, it was so good

Carly: I know, I felt your 😣 before u put it there

Ali: He’s after being good, doing what he needs to do

Carly: ah, it’s a con, hes allowed to fuck gorja girls morning to night, theyre all allowed to do as they please from cradle to grave its only the girls who cant

Ali: Then he’s just not after me 😒🤕

Carly: its that hes after stopping the others being w me & he cant if hes on you

Carly: its my fault im sorry 

Ali: He shouldn’t be so concerned with telling them their business, that’s him, not you

Carly: hes always reckoned im a manky wagon idk, that’s on [her mum] maybe, but she’d be sorry for it to u too if she had the knowing

Ali: Please don’t, this has got to stay between us only 🔒

Carly: 😶🤞💛 id never say a word to hurt u or stand against something youre after

Carly: id rid myself of my 👅 1st & ive much need of it

Ali: I can’t have that

Ali: ✂️ away, it’s all his loss, not ours

Carly: what are we to do then?

Ali: 💭☁️👻🦷🤍

Ali: Party

Carly: grand ive caught the 🌞 enough to look unreal in 🤍

Ali: I don’t mind looking ghostly and fading into the background

Carly: oh please you could never fade & yer man john boy isnt gonna have you reckoning its so

Ali: if he’s a 🐺 Ro is like, a husky

Carly: hes a 🐜 sorry

Ali: ☹️ ughhh

Carly: you can pick what moses is to 🌻😁🌞💛 yourself some idc

Ali: 🦟 is the only suitably rude comparative 

Carly: I love it 😅

Carly: he does make me 🩸🍓❤️ sure enough

Ali: Are we to be ashamed of our awful taste 👅 

Ali: I’m all scuffed and scraped and I just want to see him again so badly 

Carly: Shames for folk like your poor daddy who’ve no say being born to it & keeping it in em 💔🙏📿⛪️💔 you’re wild & free 🐅🧡

Carly: we’ll get him for u 💜🔮💙 he wants it as bad theres no for proper y not

Ali: I don’t know but being wild and free will help me get over it otherwise 🐅🧡

Ali: don’t need to force it 🧘‍♀️

Carly: ive known the boy forever I know what he likes its why he hates me this much

Ali: We’re the same, in his 👀🌍 

Carly: he wishes but he cant 👀 u like that cos we’re not & hes 😤😠😡

Ali: You’re great, he’s an idiot

Carly: hes not wrong for that 💭

Carly: I’m 🌚 to your 🌞

Ali: 🌇🌃

Ali: Can I stay when I swing by? I’m doing nothing here except over💭

Carly: u dont ever need to be asking

Ali: Usually but I’m 😣😖 rn

Carly: its k ill 💭 how to calm you down

Ali: 🍃💚

Carly: on your 🚲 w ye 🧚🏼‍♀️💚

Ali: 💨💨

Carly: [just putting a note here that we’re doing a timeskip so it’s some time before Ronan’s bday not immediately after the convo we just did or when we read it back in the future we’ll be like ?? what]

Carly: u @ work still?

Moses: thereabouts

Carly: 🥺 til when?

Moses: Don’t know, not like wes work to a schedule or to anyone’s pockets but our own

Carly: yea k true

Moses: then we’re going out, it’s [some club night, idk]

Carly: wes being only the lads is it?

Moses: Not the elders, like

Moses: except for [the cringe uncle, we all know the vibes]

Moses: You wouldn’t get in anyway

Carly: i’m not after the - craic from [cringe uncle] you’re grand 😅

Moses: That I am 👍

Carly: later then like 

Moses: Don’t wait up

Carly: tell your mammy that one there

Moses: I don’t still live with mine

Carly: mine would get us in

Moses: I’m after her craic just as much

Carly: i got you, boy unless weve 💪🍆 youre not after us coming

Moses: No one is after taking lasses to the club, just taking ‘em home

Carly: how I said ⬆️ ive worked out what the craic is

Moses: Your mam ain’t it

Carly: she’ll be 💔🥺💔😢💔😭💔 youre her fave 

Moses: Like you, she don’t have them

Carly: ah sure u know youre mine too

Moses: Give over

Carly: why are u giving out about it? u like it

Moses: That’s not what we are, let’s not play that game

Carly: idk why u want what we are is to be us not liking each other

Moses: we like each other for what we need to

Carly: yea & youre giving me what I need so youre my fave

Moses: When I’ve got nothing or no one better on, ‘course

Carly: k no its your turn to give over cos i drop what I’ve on for you all the time

Moses: yeah and you wanna, not asking you more than once

Carly: yea I wanna cos I like you y are u 😤😠 @ me for it today?

Moses: I’m busy

Carly: sorry ill 👋💙 til youre less 🌺🐝🍯

Moses: [just don’t respond rudely]

Carly: [he’s a charmer, go have your own fun girl either with Ali or with Drew and Caleb or all of the above, you’ll be posting about it making him mad but not to make him mad, not even for his benefit really cos we’re trying to be chill about this and keep busy too]

Moses: [when you always do the wrong thing, god bless girl, love that for you]

Carly: [hope you’re FUMING sir, couldn’t be more deserved]

Moses: [setting up the lovely atmosphere for this party nicely mwahaha]

Carly: [poor Ronan, between Moses and Johnny that’s half these lads that don’t wanna be at his bday]

Moses: [I imagine this is standard, someone’s always got beef with someone, you just don’t know why until Moses just tells you he’s bored of Carly and throws her at you]

Carly: [clearly these boys are always kicking off at each other about something the way these type will]

Moses: [mhmm, god bless the mess, constant source of drama]

Moses: [anyway, hi groupchat at Ronan’s party, here we go]

Moses: Birthday boy, where are you 🎁

Ronan: [Wherever he is], me and Ali… 

Ronan: should I be legging it from this 🎁 of yours?

Moses: Best get rid of her, you’ll like it but you won’t want the audience 

Ronan: Do I even like the sound of it? 

Moses: Come on, you can’t be a baby about it now, big man

Ronan: Ah, what’s going on, to be sure I don’t know what you’re giving a lash here

Moses: Presents are meant to be surprises, play the game

Ronan: Yeah, true enough, I’ll play

Moses: Go on over to my trailer, everyone’s been booted ‘cept 1

Ronan: [when he is just gonna go because bless this boy he’s a bit slow on the uptake here]

Moses: [me like God I hope you went alone]

Ronan: [I feel like he would’ve because he was told to, oh boy I’m so soz that this is occurring, like you could say no, Carly isn’t gonna force you THAT hard but still]

Moses: [you know if you walked out immediately that he’d know/Lord knows who else would know you hadn’t done it and this is peer pressure as we can all see here]

Moses: You’re welcome, brother

Ronan: [also he wouldn’t wanna reject Carly like that cos they are friends and she was his first kiss when they were younger as Carly said so walking out immediately like ew no would be brutal, and yeah, the peer pressure and pisstaking would feel worse and last longer than just getting this over with from his POV]

Ronan: Thanks a million, Mosey boy

Carly: no need to say it to me too & make yourself 😳

Moses: As you can see, you’ve done us a massive favour too 👌👌

Carly: wow 😍🥰😘

Carly: thanks I get from u there boy

Moses: You got yours 

Carly: yea, your brother is glad of my massive favours idk how hes been raised better than you 😅

Moses: Give him chance to go get something better, he’s had five minutes 🍒

Ronan: Come on, give over will yous 

Carly: im sorry ro, mosey has no party spirit idk where hes left it like

Moses: Don’t be speaking for me

Moses: You enjoy your party, kid

Carly: ❤️😶💙 then you can stop being after falling out w me both of yous

Ronan: I’m not, Carls

Moses: There you go

Carly: there I go, yea 🥳🎀🎊✨🎉🎆🎇

Moses: s’good thing you’re not kept around for your brain

Carly: whats the damage w yours?

Moses: How off her face was you mam whilst you were inside her, it’s genuinely not possible to be this thick and not a little special with it, Christ

Carly: go & ask her as youre on one to ruin the party so bad

Moses: I’d sooner pluck my eyes out than talk to that woman

Carly: 🙄 & you tell me I lay it on thick

Moses: If anyone at this party liked either of yous, they’d send you both home

Ronan: Quit this carry on, can’t yous both? As a favour to me

Carly: do you want me away home, ro? 

Ronan: You’re grand where you are, but what’s the need to be giving it out & slagging each other, eh?

Carly: I’m sorry for proper, its your bday & this is - craic

Moses: Because she is one, and that’s the only reason she’s ever been tolerated anywhere

Moses: I’m not here to play pretend but you use her ‘til it’s boring, that was the 🎁

Bartley: [Private to Carly after this group chat of delight]

Bartley: Did you go home?

Carly: go on & tell me yourself too I was waiting for it

Bartley: was just going to tell you I saw them driving off in [one of the older lad]’s van

Bartley: so, you don’t have to, if you don’t want

Carly: whats to stay for ive been opened thats all any of yous want

Bartley: Not everyone, don’t be such a bighead about it, like

Carly: johno dont count & its everyone but that lad

Bartley: not everyone was in that group chat and not everyone wants to ride you

Carly: k there I am told again

Bartley: God, I’m just trying to help

Carly: why

Bartley: That was pretty embarrassing

Carly: you know ive no shame, I’ll be grand

Bartley: It’s not optional, you always say it like it is

Carly: wasnt optional for a girl like me to have none, what they say

Bartley: my point exactly

Bartley: Anyway, Ronan did say you could stay, even if he didn’t stand up for you

Carly: yea, what I’ve no got in shame I make up for in other shit

Bartley: I don’t want to hear about it

Carly: sure, you didn’t open your mouth neither

Bartley: and say what?

Bartley: You did do it, he’s the one you did it with, it should be him if it’s anyone

Carly: sure look idk youre here saying u wanna help me now when it dont matter

Bartley: I was just telling you you didn’t have to go hide and cry

Carly: you would say that

Bartley: what are you on about?

Carly: your go next, we can do it rn if you want

Bartley: I told you not everyone wants you, shut up

Bartley: sure, isn’t Ro your boyfriend now

Carly: come on, none of yous can be my bf even if he was after it being like that & hes not

Bartley: That doesn’t mean you have to act out like that

Carly: everyones forgot w how theyre acting but its a party 🥳🎀🎊✨🎉🎆🎇

Bartley: and you’re not a gift

Carly: youre not opening me, youve said

Bartley: Why would you let them do that

Carly: its his bday

Carly: ali not dont mean he should stay 🍒 if he dont want

Bartley: so you just, be what he says you are, that’s your grand scheme to get out of feeling a giant eejit over it all

Carly: I’m not sorry unless ro wants me to be & says it

Carly: i was his first kiss why shouldnt i be his first for this too

Bartley: ‘cos you didn’t want him to be your first, he’s not as stupid as he looks

Carly: nor am I but ali dont want him to be hers

Carly: he couldve waited it werent like I held him down, how am I to when hes least twice the size of me?

Carly: but no, wes friends so he did it, best me over some random girl moses decides instead

Bartley: How, how’s it better it’s you?

Bartley: It’s been how long and you’re already moving on, trying to, why would anyone want it to be you when you’re like that

Carly: he trusts me, no need for you to bother yourself with doing

Carly: that lad knows I’ll never say nothing about what we did or didnt do, he can say what he likes & be the big man for it or whoever else he’s after people reckoning he is

Bartley: ‘Cept it weren’t your decision, Moses told you to do it and then told everyone the exact time and location it happened so

Bartley: already proved not true but why would you take any responsibility for that when you can just blame him

Carly: I wouldntve done it only on his say

Carly: I did it cos I like ro how I told you before I like all of yous

Bartley: You act stupid so blame can go the same way as shame

Carly: blame for what? whatve I done so wrong

Bartley: Just let Moses treat Ro like a little bitch, for tonight

Bartley: it is meant to be a party, haven’t got the rest to write you a list

Carly: I cant get between ro & mosey, none of yous

Carly: idk what would happen to me but itd be no party

Bartley: Aren’t you though?

Carly: how

Bartley: Come on

Bartley: you’ve literally got under them both, how’d you work out that’s a safe and good idea then?

Carly: Moses is done w me & now I’m not safe

Carly: the good ideas to give ro what he wants for his bday hes a decent lad

Bartley: He was never gonna keep you safe

Carly: he said he would, travellers keep to their word, no?

Bartley: sure and what reason would he have to lie

Bartley: A ‘nice’ stereotype is still just that, like sure all black lads LOVE how you’re obsessed with what’s going on in their pants

Carly: sure I know one who does but hey

Carly: you rub your salt in boy idc it already hurts

Bartley: I’m just being honest

Carly: & I was being stupid, no need to worry yourself with the telling of me

Bartley: Someone should

Carly: everyone is, its enough to knock a girl 🤢🤮

Bartley: but not enough to make a girl listen, like

Carly: I can hear you loud & clear

Bartley: hearing ain’t always hearing though

Carly: I’m sorry I’m not a good traveller girl how you & johno wish

Carly: or a gorja girl who’ll go away

Bartley: trust me, no one wants you to be one of us

Bartley: least of all him

Bartley: Just don’t be a bad person, not much to ask of anyone, surely

Carly: I didnt know I was a bad person until yous all started saying

Bartley: I never said you was the only one I know

Carly: least however alone I feel tonight im sure in good company there now

Bartley: Come on now

Bartley: sites full

Carly: but I wasnt supposed to join em even if I couldnt for proper beat em, not for the crime of liking people

Bartley: Have you ever had a friend? You know this isn’t what you do with them, yeah

Carly: theres no sense in that youre to have fun w your friends, make them 😁

Carly: give em gifts on their bday

Bartley: Friends do not fuck

Carly: fwb has it there 1st letter

Bartley: This isn’t America, or a romcom

Carly: k he isnt my friend, you 😁?

Bartley: He is though

Carly: yea

Carly: what am I to say? I was trying to help him

Bartley: right…

Carly: you think I’m full of it, I know, like

Bartley: He wasn’t about to die

Carly: it didnt feel life or death before moses started his gobbing off, it was just a fuck

Carly: havent you done it?

Bartley: I don’t put my business about like that for a reason

Carly: I’m not gonna shout it about to nobody, no friends to if you dont believe us for no other reason

Bartley: Why would I tell you, or anyone?

Bartley: it’s meant to be private, my point

Carly: I’d keep it private, mine 😶💚

Carly: but I’m only asking to ask if you loved every girl you did it with

Bartley: Why, you think that’s impossible?

Carly: no but you’d be the 1st Ive met

Carly: Id have to get you a present, something proper good not me offered up again

Bartley: not going to convince me but a good attempt there

Carly: if you dont want it i dont, I said, I’m not forcing nobody

Bartley: Okay, okay

Bartley: I didn’t accuse you of nothing proper

Carly: still loads of time, have your fun bb

Bartley: Quit your crying yet?

Carly: my business & youd hate me to put it about

Bartley: Ha ha, funny girl

Carly: 🤡

Bartley: You don’t look that shocking

Carly: u cant see how I look 👀🩸❤️

Bartley: true enough

Bartley: Hope you can wash your face wherever you’re hiding

Carly: idc everyone knows I’m 👿💔

Bartley: Oh right

Bartley: sympathy drinks

Carly: I might or I might b off home when I can see

Bartley: not got far to go

Bartley: nor no motor to be driving into anything

Carly: 🌳🚗 s’bit much unless ronan hates me as much himself

Bartley: Of course he doesn’t, calm down

Carly: then I’ll live to be whoring another day

Bartley: Least whores get paid, think on

Carly: i get paid in 😍🥰😘 catch yourself on

Bartley: is it now?

Carly: can’t tell you its private

Bartley: Group chat will have to find something else to be about

Carly: yea, if youve ideas 👂💚

Bartley: Someone’ll do something worse before night is over, no worries

Carly: id feel bad 🙏 

Carly: for loads of reasons, before you get in there to say it about us 1st

Bartley: I was 😶

Bartley: Your guilty conscience, obviously

Carly: 😶 myself on the state of any part of me

Bartley: What’ve you done?

Carly: I’m grand

Bartley: Definitely not

Carly: grand enough for home

Bartley: Are you going to make your ma go with?

Carly: k not that grand, sorry

Bartley: Fine, your pal then, where’s she?

Carly: idk

Bartley: I can find herr

Carly: ro probably has again let em be

Bartley: He should be looking for you

Carly: how you 👀🌎💭 is cute, boy

Bartley: Whatever, I’ll tell him you’re crying and he’ll feel bad

Carly: ah dont you be doing it, hes not to feel bad

Bartley: Why not?

Carly: he isnt in the wrong

Bartley: I’ve already told you that’s you

Bartley: but idk why I bother

Carly: yea then y would you be after making him feel bad

Bartley: I’m not but he’d come find you if he did, idiot

Carly: idc i dont want him to like

Bartley: you was after letting him inside you and now you can’t talk to him?

Carly: & say what?

Bartley: Assumedly he’s going to have some shit to say, if you’re in the state you said you were

Carly: he can when Im in less of one if hes bothered

Carly: its not what tonight is about

Bartley: fucking suit yourself then

Carly: quit having sense, I’m not used to it from you 😵‍💫

Bartley: Ha

Bartley: so who’s gonna believe you

Carly: nobody never

Bartley: Charming

Carly: sorry, I meant cos of it coming from me

Bartley: Ah, well, ‘course

Carly: 😶💚

Bartley: That’d be the day, like

Carly: u talked to me im never starting it

Bartley: so

Bartley: I just wanted to take the piss, who wouldn’t after that group chat

Carly: k 💚

Bartley: Shut it

Carly: more like it

Bartley: You take everything too far

Carly: where else am I to take it for a party? 

Bartley: It’s Ronan’s 12th, it’s not [a more dramatic and special event, idk but you know the vibe lol]

Carly: summers almost over

Bartley: and you’re back to school, little girl

Carly: sure, you’re no older than us 👶

Bartley: Old enough not to bother with that, and I am, a bit

Carly: old enough not to make the most 🌞🌚 has u acting up like youre some old fella down the pub 🍻😅

Bartley: just ‘cos you’re upset Mosey would rather be there than with you

Carly: more if u dont have the knowing life’s magic

Bartley: It ain’t, yours especially isn’t

Carly: 👴🍺🚬

Bartley: You think you’re amazing

Bartley: any of them have 10x the sense you have

Carly: sure look, I know what you think

Bartley: You reckon

Carly: u tell us your opinion of me every time we talk

Bartley: I ain’t allowed to have one, is it?

Carly: just idk why youve to keep on @ me w it

Bartley: stop being so dumb and I won’t have to, girl

Carly: stop troubling yourself about me

Bartley: I don’t

Bartley: not all of us think acting like we don’t care about anything will make us cool and everyone will want us around

Carly: care about things, but u know I’m not worth being one

Bartley: yep

Carly: k well later 💚

Ali: [Private at Carly]

Ali: Where is he

Carly: ro? idk I 💭 he was w you

Ali: No, Moses, I’ve been looking all over

Carly: off in [that lad’s]s van

Carly: he had his fun @ this party

Ali: Fucking pussy

Ali: Jesus

Ali: how are you, I’m sorry, that’s what I should have been asking first

Carly: he’ll be after staying out of johno’s way when he hears

Carly: ah sure ive had my fun too im home 

Ali: He must not have his phone on him, I only just found mine and it’s near 💀 as per

Ali: Do you want to be alone? 

Carly: charge your phone if you want but the bday boy shouldnt be

Ali: He’s not, despite his absolute cunt of a brother bailing, there’s still loads of people here

Carly: youre his fave though you cant be taking yourself off too

Ali: You’re important too, and no I’m not, he likes you too

Ali: are you okay?

Carly: ive only now quit my 😢😭 youll have us going again if youre nice to me

Ali: That’s why I was going to deal with him instead but he’s run away

Ali: I can’t be mean to you

Carly: leave it to johno I cant let you get hurt cos of me & moses

Carly: youre too important yourself

Ali: I won’t get hurt, don’t worry

Carly: no I am, I know what hes like

Ali: Okay, I won’t go find him

Ali: but he’s an absolute disgrace

Carly: you’re not to go near him, promise

Ali: I promise, entirely for your sake, not mine and definitely not his

Carly: I can’t 💭 about it rn i’ll 🤢🤮 again too

Ali: No, don’t, it’s not worth it

Ali: nothing is going to be made sense of now

Carly: ive no sense

Ali: It was just cruel

Carly: I knew it was coming him being done w me idk why I listened to him about this

Carly: to my way of thinking it was a decent 🎁 for the boy before they all got in my head for it

Ali: Do you want me to check on Ro

Ali: without him knowing I am, obviously

Carly: yea maybe idk

Carly: I didnt force him but moses & the to be a big man of it all was to get in his head too

Ali: Who would do that to their brother, it’s so wrong

Carly: he only cares for himself

Carly: but Im almost as bad

Ali: Come now

Ali: no you’re not, you didn’t force him, of course you didn’t

Ali: Moses manipulated you into thinking it was a good idea though

Carly: we said he werent ready to do it, I knew that & i went for it still

Ali: but was he?

Carly: he did but I take everything too far hows he to tell me no

Ali: I’m gonna talk to him, okay

Ali: and I bet he’ll say it was alright

Carly: he would say that hes not after hurting me

Ali: I can get to the truth though

Carly: its your magic

Ali: It will be okay

Ali: I’ll talk to him and I’ll make sure it is

Ali: and I’ll make sure Johnny beats him up super hard for everyone, yeah

Carly: theyll kill each other

Carly: & ill have to lay myself proper low

Ali: it’s clear whose idea it was, neither of them can act the fool on that

Ali: Moses was too drunk or too thick to think that one through when he was running his mouth

Carly: too proud of himself

Carly: but Johno already hated me before this idk whats to happen

Ali: Just stay home

Ali: I’m going to find one of them, eventually

Carly: k 💛

Ali: Trust me?

Carly: yea

Carly: if friends dont fuck youre my only one

Ali: who said that one?

Carly: 1 guess

Carly: who always needs his say about me 

Ali: Oh Bart…

Ali: he knows it’s less than nothing to do with him

Carly: he was almost nice to me though 😵‍💫

Ali: He only pretends nasty sometimes, usually he just misses the mark with the joke though

Ali: I’m glad someone is being nice

Carly: he might find you, I said no but he dont listen the best to nobody & not to me ever, sorry

Ali: he can help me look

Ali: he’s not being avoided as hard as I am

Carly: what a party, like

Ali: Boys, right 🙄

Carly: 👶😭

Ali: I’ll come see you later, check in

Carly: if you see [her mum] avoid bringing her with, I can’t tonight

Ali: 👻 promise

Carly: 💛👼💙

[jeongjaebae]

yes yes !! it is i, squirrel anon!! i've just been lurking around every month or so and saw you had a few gaps on not posting so i wasn't sure if you were that active anymore !! (glad you still are active though)

i'm doing great! i'm not sure if i ever revealed my age group?? (oh well) college apps have been quite stressful and the thought of after hs scares me 😭 jacob and i are still together! i actually gave him a nickname cobbie bc i was like why not with tbz jacob too HAHAH. i was supposed to visit my family in the north so i can experience snow again but sadly they said the tickets were too expensive ㅠㅠ. how are you? any life changing events? oh remember about my new year's resolution last year? i've made it to 8k!! while i've been slacking a bit i'm so proud of myself :D

oh no was whisper bad? i mean i watched and listened to the song but like i don't remember anything at all 😭 thought it was an average kpop song i guess... still love tbz though !! but yes i did watch wednesday! ever since i saw the trailer i promised myself to watch it... and i finished watching it in the same day... i also love one of the actors tyler 🫶🏻🫶🏻 i haven't really seen any special stages (• •;) aside from that one han jisung part and yuna stage. i hope you know what i'm talking about HAHAH.

awww i'm so glad my message made you happier! hope you're having a good day cherry <3 (btw idk if the spacing is going to be weird for you? but the spacing on here seems so wide 😭) -🐿️

haha i wouldn't say... i'm too active on here :') like i'm pretty much out of material to post for now until i finish one of my long wips or until tbz's comeback next month magically sucks me back into the fandom LOL

ohh are you an 05 liner then? ah i figured as much!! college apps are indeed a stressful time and picking a major even more so 😭 the fear is understandable, i guess it's kinda hard to picture your life until you get there? hopefully it'll be a smooth transition for you! aHHH that's good that you and jacob are still together!!! omg you nicknamed him cobbie HAHA that's cute, does he know tbz at all? and yeahh everything is so expensive these days, i hope you do get to visit family and experience snow again one day!! it's been a fairly warm winter here so far so it hasn't snowed much, but it's been soooo gloomy all the time 😔 oooh your resolution was clearing photos right?!? 8k is decent progress!! i probably said i had like 2k last year but... here we are at 7.5k this year (it's the many concerts i went to... i wanna keep svt and ateez on my phone forever, they're beauuutiful HAHA)

i'm doing well but life is kinda boring atm 😅 hmm in terms of life changing events... i got a job!! also did a bit of travelling and went to 8 kpop concerts within the past 6 months, and a few of them were life changing (skz, svt, ateez). also started a kpop album/merch collection which was unintentional but... here's where my newly earned money is going LMAO

whisper was... well, i think they were going for thrill ride 2.0 but it didn't meet expectations? i personally didn't like the song and thought that the concepts they teased weren't really related to the song 🥲 but hopefully next month's comeback will be better!! ahh i still have not watched wednesday but... will start... one of these days :') ooh is the actor you're talking about hunter doohan? just googled him rn LOL. the only thing i know related to the show is that emma myers is a huge svt fan HAHA. and yeahhHH i know that stage, the one with han's iconic hockey uniform that everyone went Wild over!!

and dw the spacing looks fine!! not surprised that it might look weird bc tumblr always does things like that, also i think they went through a recent update? things are a bit wonky HAHA. anywayyy hope you're having a good day too and that everything goes well with college apps and acceptances!! <3

#🐿️ anon #ask

[pink-prose-n-wiriters-woe]

Solo TTRPG: 1000 yr Old Vampire (Clodia's Route) Pt 1

I'll admit I told myself I would try to be historically accurate, but I kind of got carried away with the whole gods and immortals thing, but I hope this is still entertaining to those who are interested in reading those.

Warnings: mention of murder, death, abandonment, alot of HEAVY THEMES and a creepy man.

Taglist (Idk how long this playthrough will be but reblog and state in the tags if you wanna be added to the list or removed): @whimsyqueen

Okay, so the story so far in my playthrough is that my character, Clodia, who's a daughter of a wealthy somebody in ancient Rome, killed her own newly wedded husband on the night of their honeymoon after being overwhelmed by hunger.

In a pain, she ran back home to go to her family's nurse, Dionia for help, who was like a mother to her since her bio mom died in childbirth, but the hunger came again leading her to attack the family nurse leaving a gnarly mark that turned the nurse's arm black and blue permanently. Dionia completely went off on Clodia and said she never wanted to see her again.

Feeling unwanted, Clodia ran into the inky black darkness of night, seeking shelter at a nearby shrine to the gods, where she prayed for their help, the sound of her wails attracted a man, a very weird man who seem to be a little too interested in the fact Clodia ate her husband, he begged her to take a bite out of him, and she refused. Angered at her refusal the man revealed himself to be Zeus, who wanted to do some freaky deeky stuff with Clodia but since she refused, he took her to Mt. Olympus, where she would serve him as his personal servant, feeding him and waiting on him hand and foot.

Clodia wasn't really worried about this at first, maybe she could wait out at Olympus until things blow over back at home, or at least that's what she thought. It didn't take long for her to get homesick, she never told her father or her brother about her curse or what happened, they were probably worried sick about her, if they didn't hate her like Dionia did.

She asked Zeus to let her at least visit her family but he refused her request, no matter how many times she asked. All hope of going home seemed lost until she heard from Hermes that Zeus kept a device called the fabric of time, a centuries-long scroll that the gods used to time travel between different times and centuries. When gods use it they can look at anyone's timeline of their choosing, but regular immortals can only see their own timeline, but still use it to hop through timelines.

When Clodia heard about this, she asked Zeus if she could use the fabric of time to return to the day before she was cursed with this horrible affliction, again, Zeus refused and pretended like he didn't know what she was talking about. At this point, Clodia was done being nice, and knew she had to take matters into her own hands if she wanted to see her family again. She came up with a plan, after being Zeus's servant for about what felt like 5 years, she knew which food would put him to sleep long enough for her to search for the fabric of time.

She cooked a whole banquet fit enough for a god-like Zeus, and just like she thought he was out like a light in no time. Clodia began her search through the large sky-bound mansion with hallways that seemed like they went on forever, it was hours before Clodia found the fabric of time, which was a long cloth scroll that spanned across the hall with no end in sight. Clodia roamed the long hall for another hour before she found the day, where she met the mysterious woman that changed her life forever on the day before the wedding, her father threw a party in celebration of his daughter getting married.

At that moment, Clodia heard a roar that shooked the whole mansion, a roar that vaguely sounded like her name. Zeus had finally woken up from his food-induced coma, while he wasn't the smartest of the gods, it didn't take him too long to put two and two together when his "loyal" servant was absent from his side. It was now or never, if she were to stay she surely would be punished, so she took a literal leap of faith and jumped through the fabric of time.

Clodia landed with a thunderclap and what looked like a flash, she looked around everything looked like it was the same. In her excitement that her plan seemed to work she rushed to her fiancee's home, she knocked on the door hoping to be greeted with a warm smile of her beloved when an unfamiliar face answered the door.

Clodia excused herself saying that she probably got the wrong house, but as she walked away she swore that this was her fiancee's address, she shook it off and focused on reuniting with her family, and she promised herself this time, she would try to keep her hunger under control around Dionia as to not make the same mistake again.

She knocked on the door to her family home, and this time was greeted by the familiar face of who looked like her brother, Cato. She greeted him with a hug, but the man who looked like her brother was taken aback and confused as if he had never seen her before. Clodia tried to jog her "brother's" memory about the wedding that was happening tomorrow, she thought he was being coy and joking like he usually was, but the man seemed genuinely confused.

Clodia grew annoyed at her "brother's" persistent coy act and pushed her way through into the home, so she could see her father, when she pushed through, she saw the busts of her great ancestors that decorated the atrium of the house, now replaced with the busts of her father and brother, along with other faces of family members she once knew, devastated she turned to the man whom she thought was her brother and asked what year was it and turns out that she (or somehow by the wrath of Zeus ) leaped a head 100 years into the future, everyone she knew was gone....

and that's the story so far...oof

#solo ttrpg #solo ttrpg: 1000 yr vampire #pink proses #writeblr #writers on tumblr #this is my first playthrough but dang did alot happen like oof y'all #some of the names are kind of weird but I like em #1000 yr vamp: clodia's route #it was 352 AD when clodia was going to get married so its like 452 AD when she comes back...i think