#i usually don't get to notes while i read but

[scribblesofagoonerr]

Finding Light In The Darkness

Anon requested angst, I wrote it... I hope this suffices!

I secretley loved to write this one-shot, not sure if I'll make another part to it, but let me know your thoughts.

Pairings: caitlin foord x teen reader, katie mccabe x teen reader Warnings: heavy angst.

You've always found life hard, you'd not exactly had the best start in life, it had been cruel and you'd always felt unwanted.

You finally found a real family when you're taken in by your adoptive parents, Katie and Caitlin. You finally thought you had found happiness.

It was all going so great, until it wasn't.

Word began to get round your school about your recent adoption, your true idenity was whispered throughout the school and as a result, you were also left with hateful comments all over your social media.

It was easy to ignore at first, you blocked them out. You remembered the words that your mam would always tell you.

"Ignore them, Y/N/N. They're just jealous"

So you did just that, you put your head down and focused on the positive things in life, things seemed better... Or at least so you thought.

You should have known that nothing in life was so simple, nothing was.

"You don't deserve to be adopted by them"

"You're nothing but a waste of space"

"They'll send you back eventually"

Sitting there on your bed, you couldn't help but scroll through the various messages that bombarded your recent Instagram post, it was a harmless family photo. Why was there such negative comments on it?

The tears were quick to well up in your eyes as you read each and every single comment, feeling the weight of them like a heavy burden on your shoulders.

Through the last several months, you had picked up on several bad habits that you were successfully able to hide from your mom's.

You were desperate for the escape, you craved something to numb the pain and you found yourself reaching for your vape that you had cleverly hidden away.

Taking a deep inhale, you let the thick clouds of smoke fill your room but it did very little to ease the ache in your heart.

It just wasn't enough anymore and you needed something stronger.

Routing through your wardrobe, you successfully found the bottle of Vodka that you'd hidden and you don't waste any time in unscrewing the cap of it and taking a short swig. The liquor brought a burning sensation to your throat, but at least it did the trick to provide a tempory distraction.

Being the daughter of two professional athletes, you should have known how dangerous it was to vape, but the delicious flavours were enough to keep you hooked and keep going back for more.

Taking another swig of the bottle, your tears falling freely while your lost in your own thoughts, so you don't hear the door creak open and your mum poking her head round the door.

"You okay, kiddo? You're quiet today" Caitlins' expression is full of concern while her voice is gentle and soothing, yet to notice the bottle of vodka that you're quick to shove behind your pillow.

Your heart clenched at the worry in the older woman's eyes and your quick to wipe away the tears, trying to compose yourself, "Uh yeah, I'm fine, Mum. It's just been a bit of a rough day" You replied, trying to force a smile on your face which didn't quite reach your eyes.

Caitlin stepped closer towards where you slumped on your bed, her hand reaching out to brush a loose strand of hair out of your eyes, "You don't seem fine, kiddo. We've barely seen you since you got in from school" she noted, gently. "What happened at school? You can talk to me, kiddo"

You were hesistant to tell either of your mums what was going on, you didn't want to worry either of them with the weight of your own struggles pressing down on them, "Just the usual stuff, I'm okay" You mumbled, fumbling with your hands.

Caitlin didn't seem quite so convinced as she furrowed her eyebrows in concern, "Y/N/N, kiddo. Please talk to me" she tried to get you to open up, but it wasn't any use.

"No, I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine!" Your quick to lash out, flinching and pulling your hand away when your mum tried to hold it as you flash her a scowl, "I don't want to talk, mum. Please just leave me alone!"

The Australian woman is shocked with the change of your behaviour, "Y/N, I just want to help you, but I can't do that if you won’t talk to me, kiddo" she told you honestly.

"I told you that I'm fine, I don't want to talk about anything!" Your still screaming and lashing out, the spirit bottle falling down and it was now on clear view for your mum to be able to see.

Before you have chance to hide it again, your mum noticed it, "Y/N, have you been drinking?" she asked, the concern was clear in her voice, "How... Where did you even get this?"

Having heard the commotion from downstairs, Katie rushed upstairs to find out what was going on, shocked to hear the tailend of the conversation.

"You've been drinking?!" Katie was enraged, shocked to find you with a bottle of vodka that you had somehow got your hands on.

"It's not a big deal" You shrugged your shoulders, trying to avoid giving any type of explanation about this.

Katie's eyes widened in disbelief with your sudden streak of reckless behaviour, "Not a big deal? It is a big deal when you're 15 years old!" she said, frustrated with your carless attitude, "How could you be so stupid to do something like this-- What else have you been doing?!"

"Katie! Calm down. We need to talk about this rationally" Caitlin turned to look at her partner, knowing it wouldn't be any good to be frustrated about any of this, "Kiddo, talk to us, please? Where did you get the alcohol? You shouldn't be drinking when your underage, kiddo"

"I'm... I'm sorry" The tears stream down your face, the raw vunerability evident in your voice, clear as day.

"Talk to us kiddo" Caitlin's gentle presence was like a lifeline and you found yourself able to open up to them both.

"The hates too much, I can't cope... The bullies at school, the trolls online; I needed to find a way to numb the pain. It's too much" You tearfully confess to them, no matter how much you try and keep the tears at bay, they just just keep streaming down your face.

"It's okay. Its' going to all be okay" Caitlin is quick to embrace her daughter in her arms, wanting to just take her pain away.

"Oh kiddo" Katie spoke up, her worry now outweighing her initial frustration that she had at first, "Kiddo, I know it's a lot to deal with, but listen to me, yeah? Drinking isn't something that will make the pain go away, nothing like that. We're here for you, no matter what"

"Exactly, we're here for you. We'll go down to the school and we'll sort it out. It's going to be okay, kiddo" Caitlin chimed in, brushing your loose hairs out of your face as she just held you in your arms.

You felt a wave of relief wash over you now that you had confessed what had been going on; You were finally safe, you had your two mums' by your side and you knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, you would now have the strength to face them head on.

© scribblesofagoonerr

#woso x reader #woso fanfics #arsenal x reader #woso #woso imagine #woso one shot #arsenal women x reader #arsenal wfc x reader #heavy angst #katie mccabe x reader #caitlin foord x reader #scribblesofagoonerr

[nightgoodomens]

I really thought they'd keep things under wraps until GO3 was released. Big companies like Amazon don't like their actors causing a fuss or being caught in a "scandal", but man oh man looks like things are blowing up in the Sheenantburg "polycule".

Well I wouldn’t jump the gun yet, this doesn’t mean they’re coming out, but I think it might mean they’re not going to play along the new hetero game.

So let’s look a little bit at the timeline, shall we?

David goes to Cali for three weeks. We get content from GT - a video taken giving impression he wasn’t aware, sort of paparazzi shots, some from very far away, a miserable pic of him. He has fun with his kids but there’s nothing GT/DT. Before the trip we already had weird vibes from GT with her constant knocking DT down and having nothing to say about him winning apart from a repost without a good word and then burying the story within shit. Lots of break up songs too, but we were questioning is she reads the lyrics, however, it was weird how the lyrics were always about the same thing.

MS goes to Disneyland. DT goes to Disneyland. At the same fucking time.

Both get a chance to create a happy family image. Separately.

I mean, well, that was deliciously blunt but worked out so so.

Neil pops in to tell everyone that David and Michael are still very much in love just before Assembly and the era of hetero begins.

We figure out why the “happy happy” desperation from AL - Assembly gets released where MS chokes out he’s happy, and then focuses on talking about David and gives it all. AL loses it a little - she tries to interact with fans to push the happiness, reposts articles, fights with Swedish media… it doesn’t work out. While she makes Assembly about her, MS makes it about what mattered. He does not help her.

DT doesn’t help GT push the happy image either.

A blind gets released by Enty. Clearly about them. Stating the women are trying to push the happy family image in Disneyland while men would rather be together.

During the Blind and Assembly stuff, men remain separated. Until Oliviers happens.

GT posts two stories, one telling RadioTimes off for the nice article about DT, then praising one that called DT’s impression “deranged” - on that video she took without his knowledge most likely.

Oliviers, the PR save-the-hetero (aka oh-fuck-the-blind) show happens, where everyone expected some MS/DT action since DT was nominated and MS was announced as the presenter, instead it turns into a circus. The men don’t meet on the red carpet, DT stopped from going back, DT/GT are told to act like in fresh love only for DT to fail the “camera” moments, they’re sat right in the front to be visible playing the game and they overdo it, all it ends up with is MS soft looks at DT, as far as I know DT wasn’t shown at all which BAFTAs would never.

GT (who’s always escaped red carpets is now pushed by PR) tries to recreate the “look into my eyes for the camera” moment from BAFTAs, but DT doesn’t play along. AL pushes with the arm stroking, but MS doesn’t play along.

Two interesting things happen - highly photographed moment of DT sharing a hug with another man, who of course wasn’t MS. And MS presenting an award to someone else. Both felt like attempts at rewriting the history but all they did was highlight the real deal. Because they didn’t play along. Especially MS.

Media focuses on the women in an insane way considering they’re nobodies at Oliviers. Ladies post about the day as if it was their day. Pic with the men gets withheld until the fandom reminds them that they are here for the guys and so with a snark the women post the pic. Finally MS/DT look soft and happy when they’re with each other. MS stands with DT.

Interesting to note, there was no usual “preparing” pics and videos of DT from GT.

DT doesn’t win. GT posts a pic calling him a loser, he looks like he’s on the verge of a mental breakdown on that pic. I don’t know what happened, but he did not look… well.

Even the “normal” fans wince at the caption. She doesn’t even make it a story or anything, it’s right there as a post. Too bad she didn’t create a post when he won Critic’s Choice for his Macbeth (exactly what he was nominated for at Oliviers too), instead reposted a story from another account, added nothing, and buried it within crap. But “loser” got a whole post.

There was also a pic with a fan where DT doesn’t look well either.

GT and AL focus on promotion of themselves.

Yesterday a blurry video gets released of GT slapping her hand at DT to silence him, MS ready to silence her instead, and DT basically pointing at MS and standing closer to him. (Video up to your own interpretation). Sort of felt like it added context to DT looking the way he did at the end of the night.

No usual home selfie either.

And today. David’s Birthday.

GT showed what lovely posts she can create about people she cares about recently. While her story for DT “thanks for being born” was the kindest thing she’s done because for once she didn’t include an insult or “humbling” him, it was quite… well, nothing. Song choice was questionable. The story was cold. The picture was old.

We waited whole day for a post but no. We expected Cali pics, home pics… nope.

Not only she only created a story, right after she also posted HBD for an actress whose birthday wasn’t even on the same day, just to keep her theme of burying anything DT related that wasn’t about GT. But she’s done something interesting on that story - called the actress her favourite tv wife for DT and hashtagged don’t tell MS.

Honestly I just rolled my eyes. Nobody in the fandom would agree with her and trying to take a dig at MS… bad move.

RadioTimes is full of love for DT all day. And so are other accounts. Love is pouring from every side. Somehow GT isn’t keen to repost those articles.

Suddenly AL pops in with a story. And what a story. Not only she’s looking at DT cutout while holding a card “WINNER”, MS is standing between DT and GT, and the caption is “To my partner’s HUSBAND”. Not tv wife. Not “My wife’s husband.” This was just about DT and MS. Song choice has interesting lyrics too:

“There ought to be a law against

Anyone who takes offense

At a day in your celebration”

Winner not loser? Husband not tv wife? Anyone takes offense?

BAFTAs pops in to share a video of MS/DT of DT giving a glimpse of how they have met 20 years ago. Neil pops in to share on tumblr David being called Michael’s husband. You know the they’re-still-in-love guy.

GT reposts the story without a word and buries it. She doesn’t post anything for DT.

So what happened? It’s up to your interpretation.

Mine is this: They were meant to bury the rumours, hence massive hetero show for Oliviers, MS didn’t play along since the beginning, DT tried but fell apart, they snapped, GT took it out on the men, MS snapped back sick of her shitty posts about DT, the same way he did end of last year.

Seeing the way GT acted during that blurry video and today… I think she lost control and now even AL doesn’t side with her. But that one she also only has herself to blame for. And I wonder… who tipped off Enty?

What’s next? Not sure. Clearly PR’s new hetero idea didn’t fly. But was the joy only allowed for DT’s birthday? Or this is it, they won’t play the game anymore? What’s up with GT/DT, are they done but will play the game for the big events or done and won’t pretend anymore either? Am I going to be surprised if hetero bullshit happens anyway? Nah. Anything can happen now, I feel. But this day and what happened during it is a fact. Whatever damage control happens, if it does, won’t erase what happened today.

Interesting!

#NightGoodOmens talks PR

[fairuzfan]

hi! I'm a linguistics major who's been interested in learning both modern standard arabic and palestinian arabic for a while now, but I've never gotten a chance to. (as a side note, we used some minimal palestinian arabic data in phonology and morphology, so I happen to have some base familiarity with the consonant inventory). my courses wrap up tomorrow, so I'll have until september to learn some of the basics.

I know you've posted some palestinian arabic learning resources on here before, which I plan on accessing. I was just wondering if you'd happen to know of any palestinian linguists, or perhaps could direct me to some blogs or sites that could help me out? in particular, I'd be interested in learning the language through the lens of the international phonetic alphabet, as a frame of reference for pronunciations. while I'm aware that the ipa is, unfortunately, rather western-centric, I plan on utilizing it purely as a learning aide. if you're aware of anything that might help me out, or know anyone who I could reach out to for more info, please do let me know!!

also, sorry to make an already long-winded ask even longer, but are there any common conventions when typing/writing arabic using the latin alphabet that I should know of, in case I come across it? while I absolutely plan on learning the arabic alphabet first and foremost, should I ever *need* to use the latin alphabet, it would be nice to know of writing conventions that arabic speakers might use.

thanks for taking the time to read this ask! it's a long one, but I just wanted to put it out here. also, thank you so much for the work you do on this blog. it's been an invaluable resource for me to get educated on the ongoing genocide, the history of palestine, and the beauty of palestinian culture. your posts have really encouraged me to go out of my way to learn a language and engage with a culture I wasn't previously very familiar with, and for that, I'm so grateful. 💜

thanks again! have a great day!

I'm sorry I don't know much about linguistics but that sounds really cool. There's actually a method for us to write in Latin letters to represent certain sounds and letters through digital communication (for example we use 7 to distinguish to h sound we say from the back of the throat as opposed to the softer h sound — ح as 7 and ه as h respectively).

If you see random numbers sometimes in the middle of words, that usually means that we wanna make sure that the full meaning is conveyed without ambiguity.

If someone else has resources about linguistics, lmk!

Thank you so much for saying this also, I really appreciate it!

[treasureofmammon]

💛 Our future together 💛

🔎Summary: You've been studying non-stop for the last few days since finals are coming. Your boyfriend, Mammon, doesn't like it but changes his mind when you reveal why you need to study hard.

👥️Characters: Mammon x gn!reader.

⚠️Warnings: None, just fluff (But if you catch any, let me know). Established relationship with the raven boy.

📝 Note: We are back with our usual Mammon lover content, after some petty revenge for dinner for all the brothers. MC here is a nerd (and so am I).

✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️

Finals are coming, and you've been studying non-stop for the past days, only coming out of your room to eat, go to school, and give a small peck to your boyfriend once in a while. However, this arrangement is not desirable for him. Mammon constantly sneaks out of Lucifer's grip to knock on your door. As usual, you can't say no to him, so you end up letting him in.

You sit at your desk, reading, marking your textbook, making small annotations, and overall, trying to understand the subjects at hand. Meanwhile, Mammon lays in your bed, playing with a plushie he gave you on one of your first dates, tossing it up and catching it in both his hands, just to toss it up again; however, he quickly gets bored and decides that what he needs it's your attention.

—Treasure?—.

You answer with a —Hm?—, not parting away from your books.

—All ya do is study and study. It's so f*ckin' borin'!— Mammon states. Immediately, he stands up and hugs you from behind, setting his chin on the top of your head, his arms resting in your shoulders. Although you blush a little, studying is more important, so you continue with your task. Mammon kisses your head, and with a low and tender tone of voice, he suggests —Hey, why doncha stop studyin' so we can hang out?—.

You sigh, closing your eyes briefly, and start explaining: —Mammon... If I don't study hard, then I won't get good grades. If I don't get good grades, then I probably won't get a good job. And if I don't get a good job then, how am I going to provide for you?—.

Mammon jumps back immediately, —Wh-What?—. His reaction catches you by surprise, so you finally look back at him, trying to understand his behavior. He continues, —Y-Ya think about our future, together?! How far have you thought on us?—.

You are amazed by how much this surprises Mammon. A small silence spreads between you two, and you realize that Mammon is meaning his question, expecting a coherent and honest answer, so seriously, you answer: —All the time. I want to make a family with you. Since you have your own spending problems, I should be the one in charge of the financial stuff so our children can live well enough—.

—Children? With me?—, he says without even thinking, astonished.

—Yeah, two; maybe three—, you admit, —... and we can have a nice house next to a lake...—.

—A lake?—.

—Yes. Close to a hippodrome so you can watch whenever you want. But not gambling too much!—.

—So I can gamble?, really?—.

You nod, —... yeah, with moderation, though. Oh! And we could ask Barbatos to create a door close to the house, so we can visit the Devildom when we want to—.

—So I can visit my family whenever I want?—.

—Of course! And so they can visit us too—.

—What 'bout Goldie?—.

You sigh, —You can have a card, a debit one, though...—.

—What 'bout my car and my crows?—.

—We definitely would have a cool garage so you can work on your car... Oh! And your crows can come too, I'd love to have them around. But I want to have lots of pets too—.

—Pets? Like cats and dogs?—.

—Yes! I want a golden retriever called Butter. And a cat called Jiji, like the black cat on that human anime movie we watched with Levi... Oh! And once out of school, you can focus on modeling without worrying about money. So..., you know? Studying is important for me, for us—.

Another silence fills the room again. You observe Mammon's handsome face with tenderness and love. His surprised facial expression shifts slowly, and you realize tears are coming down his cheeks. You stand up and move quickly to him, —Sweety, are you okay? Are you... crying?—. You can't help but smile at Mammon's cute display of happiness. Meanwhile, Mammon lets you take him in your arms, rubbing his eyes and sweeping his cheeks clean, —I'm- I'm not cryin'!—, he says before sniffing.

✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️💖💛✨️

[Notes: The character(s) depicted here belong to the mobile game "Obey me: shall we date" and are owned by Solmare Corporation. The text here was made by me: Treasure of Mammon, meaning these are fan-made. | GN!Reader | English is not my first language, so there might be orthographic and syntax errors. I urge you all to interact kindly with this post].

📌 Masterlist

#Treasure of Mammon writing #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me! #obey me mammon #mammon obey me #mammon avatar of greed #mammon #mammon x mc #mammon x reader #obey me mammon x reader #mammon x gender neutral reader #obey me mc #obey me mammon x mc #obey me gender neutral mc #gender neutral reader #obey me fluff #obey me fic #obey me fanfic #obey me writing #mammon om #om mc #om mammon #mammon om! #om! mammon #om! mc #the great mammon #obey me mammon fluff #mammon fluff

[cutecinnamon]

Concurrence IV

{ Concurrence IV: Lost • Levi x Reader }

CW: ⊹₊ MDNI ⊹₊ Pregnancy ⊹₊ Mentions of Punishment ⊹₊ Thoughts of Asking Levi to End Oneself ⊹₊ Levi Cares ⊹₊

:gif from pinterest

• 2.8 word count •

Note: Please read "Concurrence I, II and III" first since this is all a part of a series in order to avoid confusion for the story, you can check my Masterlist pinned at my profile for the links ♡

: Read the previous chapter here: Concurrence III ♡

:dividers by @cafekitsune

Synopsis:

Levi and (y/n) are both starting to get along until insults, blames and harsh rumors started to slowly weigh on her, which ends up to a confrontation with Levi.

PART IV

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

"Do you really think the Captain would love someone like you? Someone who is nothing but a piece of trash that he was forced to take care of?"

Upon all the insults, hurtful statements and negativity you heard from the others, that one stood out to you the most.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You were currently at the mess hall, the same crowded place filled with chatters and lively voices, but then again it is where you are most likely also be targeted by the people who had no entertainment in life but to talk ill of you.

But you didn't mind, since Levi was beside you.

You and Levi were both eating peacefully at a small table, Levi sat down beside you his arms wrapped around you waist, while his warm hand was resting at the top of your now slightly bulging belly.

You were now currently three months in, and you were starting to show, but thanks to the survey corps coat uniform, the thick fabric was doing its best effort to hide your now forming bump.

"You should eat more." Levi stated while looking at you, still the same gaze but his hand was very light and warm on your belly.

It was like a contrast to his demeanor, the way his gestures were very caring and feather light the past few days which was a contrast to his hard and cold gaze that he has been throwing at you and the others.

While lost in your thoughts, you then felt something cold gently pressed to your lips.

Your attention was then brought back by the touch of the spoon with a decent amount of food on it consisting of rice and fish, you then look at Levi.

He was trying spoon feed you which was honestly very surprising and not like him, you thought.

"Huh?" You asked clearly confused, raising an eyebrow.

The impression that Levi honestly gives is someone who would most likely rudely speak and shake your shoulder if you don't agree to what he says,

or at the very least that was how you and the other people see him, but in reality under the walls he had built up that made him appear cold and detached,

He was honestly very caring and gentle, and it was starting to show as he was slowly letting you in.

You opened your mouth and comply, letting him spoon feed you.

Levi stayed silent the whole time, but despite his cold and stern facade, his gestures say otherwise.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

After eating breakfast at the mess hall, Levi went to an important meeting with Hange about the upcoming expeditions and some backup plans incase Titan shifters or the worst case scenario, Marley makes another move.

As you were walking at the hallway towards the room to were your squadmates were staying and currently cleaning just like the Captain ordered.

You were then approached by Floch and two more scouts following him.

"Oh great, he even brought a few audience." you thought.

Despite Levi warning him to back off from his insults with you, he clearly had a tough skull and thick skin not to easily give into it.

"Looks like you're starting to show a bit, if you stare attentively." Floch said, keeping his usual tone of voice.

"Why are you surprised? are you illiterate about human anatomy?" you responded back calmly, you knew he will insult you again which was not new anymore, so you decided to take the first move.

Honestly at this rate your buttons were much more easy to press as your emotions are more heightened due to your progressing pregnancy.

Floch frowns, clearly you pushed a button.

"Stop talking like you're smart, you're just someone who got knocked up, not to mention a traitor." Floch said with a hint of hostility.

"What else are you going to say?" you asked Floch.

at this rate you honestly started to get used to it, as stupid as it may sound you had no choice but to just let it enter your left ear and for his words to leave your other.

"Do you really think the Captain would love someone like you? Someone who is nothing but a piece of trash that he was forced to take care of?" Floch stated laced with firmness, which was below the belt for you.

You felt the statement tug your heartstrings.

"If you have nothing else better to stay then I better get going." you replied, still trying to keep up the calm demeanor that was slowly crumbling.

You then reached the room where your squadmates were very attentively cleaning, making sure every place was spotless just like how the Captain ordered.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You decided to sweep the floor as Hange told you before when she last checked up on you not to carry too much heavy items and avoid adding too much strain to your body.

Hange has been looking after you, since she was the one knowledgeable with medicine in the regiment, Levi also trusted her a lot than it looks despite them arguing majority of the time about Hange's experiments about titans.

your mind was then again occupied by the insults you heard from the scouts, especially Floch who you sometimes wished Levi really made as Titan feed like he stated, because of his unfiltered mouth.

Armin noticed your attention was not really at the wooden floor you were sweeping, it was somewhere else.

"Hey, (y/n) are you alright?" Armin asked with a hint of concern.

you just gave him a nod, clearly a giveaway you weren't.

You have been with them for a long time now in the squad, they knew you quite well to know also when you're really alright or just putting up a facade for their sake or your natural act of defense to keep things to yourself securely.

"You know, I read from a book before that everyone should avoid stress, especially for a woman who is carrying a child. Its not really healthy." Armin stated softly.

You then looked at him, Armin saw your gaze and the emotions held in it, mostly it expressed sorrow and pain.

It was clear that the insults you heard and tried to ignore for the past few days were also affecting you too.

"You should atleast open up to Captain Levi about this (y/n)" Armin once again softly stated as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

and once again you gave him another nod, but not really considering his suggestion,

its not that you don't want to tell Levi.

You were just scared, that maybe it would only be a burden. Afterall carrying his child won't erase the past.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

You were on your way towards your shared quarter with the Captain, you then heard a commotion inside Levi's office, although it was wrong your curiousity got the best of you and you decided to eavesdrop while peeping at the door keyhole.

"Captain, I don't see anything we are doing wrong. we are just stating facts afterall." Floch firmly said, while a few more scouts next to him just nervously nodded in return.

Levi was about to punch his face beating the crap out of him when Hange stopped him, firmly grabbing his arms as an act to restrain him.

"Levi calm down, beating him won't do any good." Hange stated, her voice was still soft trying to calm the atmosphere inside the Captain's office.

"Let me go Hange, and let me beat the crap out of him." Levi stated firmly laced with anger, as his gaze pierced the scout with tousled auburn hair, who talked back to him.

"Levi I said keep it together." Hange stated with a more convincing and firm tone.

Levi then breaks free from Hange, he then looks at her.

"You clearly told me he and these morons were insulting (y/n) and that I should look after her because she shouldn't be exposed by stress and negative emotions caused by this group of shitty assholes." Levi stated, his voice clearly laced with annoyance and frustration about everything.

Hange sighs, as she pushed her glasses upwards fixing it. she was also getting a bit annoyed with the situation.

"Captain, I don't know why you're making yourself worked up over her. She is an enemy, she is from Marley, The same people responsible for Commander Erwin's death." Floch stated, clearly he was trying to knock off a few senses from Levi forcing his opinion by bringing up Commander Erwin.

You froze when you heard that.

You knew how much Commander Erwin meant to Levi.

You then thought about it, how Floch said Marley was responsible for his death, How you are connected to those responsible people.

"Does Levi view me the same?"

That was another question that drove your mind into spirals.

Honestly you respected Commander Erwin, he was a good leader, a fighter. you never wanted for any of that to happen.

You were also not aware it would, or else you could've done something to prevent it.

Around the time before that incident happened you already started to pour every ounce of loyalty to the scout regiment, despite being a traitor to your own nation.

"But who would believe me", you thought.

You then decided to walk back to your shared quarters, but this time you weren't able to shake off the heaviness in your heart and your shoulders.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

{ Levi's POV }

For the next three days, you decided to keep to yourself.

Levi noticed but he thought giving you privacy was what you needed,

not until he noticed how you looked dejected, how your smile and the sparkles bringing life to your orbs were slowly diminishing again.

He was worried, not only for your sake but the child you were carrying.

He saw how you were appearing more lethargic, how your usual demeanor that emitted nothing but warmth was slowly being replaced by the coldness of the walls you have somehow built the past three days.

Levi found it frustrating, how he let it get to this.

Levi was currently drinking his tea like usual, but his attention was not at the pages of his paperwork that he was flickering almost only skimming through it and not really paying attention to any of those inked letters, words and statements formed.

He was thinking of how to talk to you, he knew you well enough that you won't open up to him.

you were used to keeping everything to yourself, just like him.

You were currently cleaning your shared quarters which he finds even more annoying since he told you to avoid putting to much strain to your body.

but then again, its not like he could stop you since he knew you will be using the "I don't want to be a burden to you Captain." card.

Just as he was about to approach you, you approached him first telling him that you will wash his now empty teacup.

Levi sighs and nods, as he took this opportunity to think about how he will converse with you later on.

He figured he won't let you go to bed or until this was discussed and over.

As you washed the teacup, he decided to continue staring at his paperwork despite his lack of focus to even entertain any of it.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

The peaceful sound of water can be heard coming from the kitchen as you continued to delicately wash Levi's teacup, despite the calm gush of water echoing though the kitchen you mind was a mess, it was very chaotic, it was as if you were stuck in a dark place. Levi was at the living room doing his paperwork.

As you settled the teacup at the wooden cupboard, you saw both yours and Levi's ODM gear located at a wide wooden shelf decorated with a flower vase and colorful books.

It was honestly like a contrast, how can a gear used to eliminate titans and even human's for the sake of the survival of Humanity itself be kept under a vibrant, colorful shelf?

You then thought about the contradicting treatment Levi has gave you, underneath his stern, cold and sometimes harsh demeanor, His gestures and treatment towards you was honestly delicate, caring, and soft.

Despite your reputation.

Your thoughts then wondered back to the conversation you overheard inside Levi's office.

"Captain, I don't know why you're making yourself worked up over her. She is an enemy, she is from Marley, The same people responsible for Commander Erwin's death."

You then thought about the thought that has been consuming you into a pit of darkness for the past three days,

"Does Levi view me the same?"

You knew that until now, that Commander Erwin meant a lot to Levi, he was a close friend to him and Commander Hange.

Before Erwin died, you knew Levi swore he would take down the beast titan, Zeke.

Who was from Marley,

Just like you.

And as if your lost into your own void of nothingness filled with nothing but despair about your very non-idle situation, you took one blade from your ODM gear.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

{ Levi's POV }

(y/n) suddenly approached the Captain whilst holding a blade from her ODM gear which she found was placed across the room a minute ago.

"Captain... please just punish me now... please just end me now..." (y/n) says, her tone devoid of any emotions, only subtle coldness lacing it as she was passing the ODM blade to Levi

He looked at her, his narrowed eyes slightly widens, like it was about to bulge out of his skull.

He had a stunned expression written all over his face.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He asked, while looking at her, the way he saw her eyes that almost lost the light of hope.

Levi felt something stir in him, it was something foreign to him but at that moment he felt panic, and a feeling of failure.

Failure that he wasn't able to do anything to prevent his partner who was pregnant with his child escape such feelings.

"I know you hate me... I'll always be a traitor in your eyes... even if I- if I try my best to prove my loyalty to you..." (y/n) said in a shaky and downhearted voice as her gaze locks with Levi's gray orbs.

"How did it get to this? wasn't I showing her enough attention and care?" Levi thought to himself as his gaze softens, conveying emotions he never knew existed in him.

Levi shifts his attention towards the growing bump on your belly, you were currently almost in your fourth mark of pregnancy, and Levi felt a storm of emotions starting to explode inside him as he stared at (y/n) who was still holding the ODM blade, pushing it slightly towards him.

He knew everything was probably to much for you.

The rumors, the insults, the blame.

And he wanted nothing more but to reach you with his warmth, pulling you out of the darkness you have secluded yourself into.

not only for your baby, but for your sake.

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

Levi accepts the ODM blade but throws it across the room, it made a loud sound as it made contact with the cold floor, enough to snap you out of your thoughts.

"No (y/n) fucking let go of that blade and those bullshit thoughts, look at me. I am not about to kill the mother of my child, do you understand!?"

Levi said sternly, and nothing can mend or break his words.

He then gently wrapped his arms around your body, his warmth enveloping you as a whole, a hint of light returns to your eyes as you realize and thought about what happened. that you reached the peak of bottling everything on your own.

"I'm here (y/n), stop going to a place where I can't reach you." He stated, his voice was soft and very gentle.

Tears started to fall from your eyes as a hint of light and sparkle returned to your orbs, you returned his embrace, and you feel him tighten his.

It was like he was protecting you, from your own thoughts, from your own fears.

That was when you realized he was there all along.

"Levi..." you called out to him, this time without formalities, just his name.

"Yes, I'm here." Levi reassured and stated once more with a firm yet gentle tone.

Taglist: @levislegislation @dontfollowab @3llawrit3s @levitonin @crescentmoontsuki @la1225 @yumii-34 @galactict3a

Hi everyone! I'm sorry if these took a long time since I was occupied by a few law exams since it is my major in college ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

Now that its done, I can finally go back to writing again, I already have a draft for Concurrence V,

I do hope you enjoy this part of Concurrence! And if you want to join the taglist for this and my otherworks, please do tell me ♡

I also want to thank everyone for supporting this series, it means a lot to me ♡ ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

- Cinna

#concurrence #levi x y/n #levi x reader #attack on titan #snk levi #levi ackerman #captain levi #aot levi

[possamble]

What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

#asks #she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too #with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect #and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive #but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards #I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi #you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent #and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too #not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat #but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment #and regrets it deeply #and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear #and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed #I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just #immediately arrives in Melini #and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out #and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille #on account of the crimes and all #marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down #'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you' #'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way' #'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.' #and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood #but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear #and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately #it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking #and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance #marcilleposting #marcille donato

[scekrex]

TW(If you dont want to do it it's completely fine)

Can you do a adam x male reader where the reader is depressed because his life when he was living was shit and he thought it would be better but it still haunts him, and he starts to date adam and a few months into dating Adam saw reader SH and gets all sad but becomes more protective of reader and explains to reader how much he loves him and he bandages reader and they cuddle together(I love your writing BTW, you don't have to do this if you think it's shit)

I absolutely do not think it's shit, I hope I did it justice - as a person who suffers from depression myself this kinda is/was my view on the world. Really hope it's to your liking :3

Burning, I feel it too

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language, hurt/angst, suicidal thoughts, self harm

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

With him around, heaven seemed brighter. With him around your past life felt less heavy, the burdens you carried were easier to lift and he seemed to bring a reason to all of existence.

But when Adam wasn’t around for a couple hours, the world turned dark again, like he was purposely taking all the bright colors and the joyful emotions with him when he left. The burdens turned insanely heavy again, unable for you to lift, let alone carry on your shoulders and every reason that caused you to take step after step was gone. Adam knew your life had been a dark pit of hopelessness and tiredness. There had been nothing that held you, what was holding you now? A single person and that person wasn’t even yourself how it should have been. It was Adam.

Heaven, the paradise of afterlife that everybody dreamed of, not you though. You just wanted to rest, not continue to suffer above earth in another world. You wanted peace and quiet, eternal rest. But that had been denied, not only by God, but also by Adam. The first man was worried about you and while others thought of it as cute, you felt like a burden to him by making him worry so much. He cared, that you were aware of, he let you not only hear you about it, no, he also showed you that he cared about you. And that caused the clouds that covered your view to lift temporarily. But once Adam left - even if it was just the room - the clouds came back, painting the worlds in black, white and gray again until he came back.

Extermination days were the worst, not only was your partner gone the entire day, no, he was also at risk of getting injured, maybe even killed. Who was there to promise you that Adam would make it out alive? And what would you do if Adam wouldn’t make it out? If Lute would come back alone, nothing but his halo in her hand that she would hand over to you as proof. Would it hurt? Would it hurt worse than the pain you inflict on yourself?

You flicked the lighter on and for a short moment you watched the flame dance in front of your eyes, then you moved the lighter close to your thigh until the flame licked on your skin, the burn that followed felt save, it felt like coming home after a long trip, it welcomed you with open arms and you were so used to it that you closed your eyes and enjoy the silence the pain brought. That was a thing you had missed so much, the silence in your mind that pain brought with it whenever you invited it to visit you. You had been so lost in the quietness that you hadn’t heard the door to the bedroom slamming open. Your eyes cracked open when the lighter was harshly ripped from your trembling fingers, the usually so calming voice of your boyfriend was now the reason for you to flinch away from his body, “What the fuck are you doing?” He sounded mad and you hated the way anger made his voice sound. Why was Adam back already? Was it already that late, had you lost track of time again? Did it even matter if he was back earlier?

Paralyzed you watched as he pulled you off the bed, you weren’t reacting to his words at all, not because you didn’t want to, but because you found yourself unable to. The brunette pushed you flush against his body, you felt the soft golden feathers that wrapped around your nude body to shield you and just like before, there was silence in your head - not because of any pain, but because of Adam. Adam, who had returned the colors to your world, Adam, who was drowning you with his body warmth. “I don’t want to fucking lose you,” he mumbled against your head as he buried his face in your hair. He spun the both of you around slowly, then he let himself fall backwards onto the soft mattress of your shared bed, pulling you with him. “You can’t fucking leave me too, I- for fucks sake Y/N, you can’t fucking-” he interrupted himself and it was only then that you felt the salty tears that were streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t fucking want you to-” he tried again but failed yet again, a sob fell from his lips and you couldn’t help but hate your self for making him feel that way. Adam deserved better, you had tried to explain that to him ever since the both of you had started dating. Yet the brunette had always disagreed. “Please,” he whispered and his voice sounded so unusually broken it tore you apart from the inside. You hated the way it voice was able to sound so unstable, so broken, so sad. You hated that you had caused Adam to feel that way within seconds. “I fucking love you, Y/N,” he mumbled, clearly out of words. You knew he wanted to scream and yell, that he wanted answers. And he knew screaming and yelling would only push you further away from him and that you’d give him answers once you were ready to. So he bit back all the questions he wanted to ask you, all the things he wanted to get off his chest and placed a soft kiss on your head instead. “I’m sorry for being such a mess,” you whispered quietly and maybe, secretly, you hoped it had been too quiet for him to hear. But it hadn’t been, “You’re not, babes, you’ll never fucking be.” But the both of you knew that wasn’t true, that he was lying. You were not only ruining your own mental health but also his. It was only a matter of time until Adam would either drop you or fall into the same hole you were already sitting in.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adam x male reader #male reader #adam x y/n #adam x reader #adam x you

[orbdotexe]

Give me all of the thoughts you have on those three and I will give you cute cat video (threat)

OKAY SO. its been a hot minute since ive done anything outside of writing the already established shorts for Exile, so this might be a lil lacking in what i usually put into these. But i promise its got more of plenty else! my brain has been zoomed ALL the way in on getting every single floof in warframe (i have all but like. 5. and those are all from Venus. please help)

Drifter. Drifter Drifter. He does NOT want to get attached and Shin and laughing at him the whole time. That man knew exactly what he was doing when he dragged Drifter into this and feels no regret. You might even get a rare smile (albeit smug) from him when talking about it.

It may not have been the most moral thing to do; using Drifter's experiences with the Nine to trap him into doing something insanely dangerous--But he's fine now, and he barely even came out with a bruise. Besides, the whole system should be glad Shin did that. At least now, Wolf has some direction.

It's not the most moral thing, yet again, to point Wolf at enemies again--A weapon, again--but it's what they needed. Horrible thing to need, the exact thing you need to get away from. But they have to want to get away from it enough to leave, first, and they can't get to that point without it. Wolf has to be a weapon to know what to do with themself, now. They spiral without it, and Ghost takes far too long to realize it--And refuses to acknowledge it when he does.

But they need an outlet, and the City still needs them. Two birds with one stone (though Wolf might object to that specific phrase). Think of the greater picture, Shin might ask.

That's why now, after a life removed from the bigger picture, I'm risking everything I am on a simple bet—that you are different. That you are better. Than me. Than them

This is what I want—need—you to understand. Your path is not your own. It is shared. It has impact. It carries consequence and creates wake, both obvious and unseen. And the path you're currently walking is… concerning. For yourself, whether you see it or not. More importantly, for others.

Have you considered this?

Shin is much more attached than he sounds (thank you autofill for recommending "attractive"), trying to both guide them and keep at a distance. Not that he ends up doing the greatest job.

Drifter, on the other hand, is more or less his typical self--If much more... put-off by the whole thing, at least for the first while. He gets used to Wolf's tendencies, and how Ghost and Shin try to direct it, so they don't catch themself too far in their own crossfire (not that its effective, but the two try. Thank the Light for Crow coming around).

But Wolf is still unnerving, maybe because they remind him and the states he was stuck in. Maybe because it's-- Well, not willingly. But the things they put themself through that they don't have to? So, maybe there's resentment, or maybe he just doesn't understand and maybe they don't exactly help much of anyone understand. Maybe they're unnerving because of their eyes, because of how they hold themself (a kicked dog.), because of the fighting spirit, the determined heart, reduced to the mere haunting of someone who was before.

Maybe it's pity. Maybe he doesn't want someone else to end up like him, or the people he's known throughout his far too long history.

#i went and read Letters From a Renegade again for this. give me the lore boys and free my sooouuuul #(that is completely incoherent if you dont know the Give Me the Peat Boys post but thats alright) #i want so badly for that lorebook to be canon to Exile. maybe theyre unsent letters. maybe they have a different... tone. more pleading #pleading and warning. half begging half threat. ''I need you to understand. You have to understand. Don't make me do this.'' #i also had to get a DEATHGRIP on my memory of Drifter lore but lemme tell you. THAT brainrot never left lmao #he's so. squiiiissssh. #i need to torment him. and while this isnt usually what i would mean by that! it works! #and Ghost and Shin get to poke him so. it works <3 #orb rambles #the forsaken exile #on non-destiny note (bc i need help): #the amalgam hasnt really grown any since i finished it but i started making ayatan amalgams by clipping them into each other and other thin #might make a biblically accurate ghost kuaka floof. i have so many of them #also i think itd be funny if my Warframe Drifter was Destiny Drifter. no sense from a lore perspective but think about how great itd be #also #there was great temptation to say 'Drifter Drifter Archon Killer' up there. i have brainrot and it isnt even related to WF's STORY. blease

[blujayonthewing]

the best change between the good omens book and the good omens show is crowley showing up to the burning bookshop and going 'ah fuck. shit. fucking hell.' vs crowley showing up to the burning bookshop and just screaming from the absolute bottom of his heart

#to be clear I love the book it's just-- the Flavor and Vibe of the fondness between crowley and aziraphale is really different #and this bit illustrates it so well #the stress and fear of 'that fucking idiot...' because Shit's Getting Real vs the unrestrained heartbreak of SOMEBODY KILLED MY BEST FRIEND #I mean don't quote me because I haven't read the book in a hot minute but #I used to have audiobooks mixed into my music library so they'd come up on shuffle sometimes #and I usually skip those but a little while back this bit was spit out and I listened through and Noted the difference in tone #like there's still a SADNESS there's still a sense of DESPAIR but the FLAVOR is DIFFERENT #and the bookshop scene in the show rewrote my brain chemistry for awhile there so!!!

[obeymeow]

being neurodivergent is all fun and games until you remember those hourly quote bots on twitter and think well maybe I can't make a bot anymore but I could schedule a few quotes a day, that shouldn't be hard. it sounds fun to have a bunch of quotes of my favorite character Thirteen from hit mobile game Obey Me! and its sequel Obey Me! Nightbringer. and then you think about how arduous collecting the quotes is going to be but she's only been in the games for maybe a year and a half with little screentime and you love collecting things so you start but then you remember that you love collecting things so naturally you have ALL of her screentime in the game and suddenly you have 45k characters of quotes and are several lessons into season 4 (which is truly a trial in and of itself) but not nearly close enough to the end but you refuse to just stop collecting the quotes and make the account with the EXCESS of what you have already because you literally only have season 4 to get through and if you don't do it just seeing the bot (because now you've been informed you can make tumblr bots instead) will haunt you with that knowledge even if nobody else would ever know. this is a general anecdote of a situation that could easily happen to anyone though and not in any way related to my life

#obey me on side #ummm i don't have a personal tag yet because i hated looking at this blog before the revamp so i'll do that later #with the carrd. usually when i say i'll do something later it means sometime in the next 3 years but i actually mean this one #but rn there's no way to tell i'm a lesbian (except for the thirteen icon. + probably also the ruri-chan banner she's lesbian colors) #okay maybe you can tell but I want to be CLEAR #anyway i would also like to note that immediately before starting this project i spent a full week lamenting my lack of free time #because I wanted to write some fics. and then literally as soon as i got free time I went um. no. quote doc instead I think #????? girl why did you do that to yourself #fortunately i'm now bored of reading s4 so i can go back to writing #unrelated but all of these fics contain a significant amount of solomon and i like him that's not surprising but it was unintentional #which IS surprising. like okay one of them is about solodeus (specifically mc playing matchmaker so i don't clickbait) so that's obligatory #and another is based off of the new solomon card (IT'S CUTE) so that's also kind of obligatory #(the third one is based off of luke's card from the dnd nightmare a while back because i was entranced by its strange unbalanced party) #but usually i try to switch up the characters i write about to get comfy with all of them and not just the ones that make sense to me #that's not entirely accurate it's my one braincell bouncing around like a windows screensaver picking a new fave every time it hits a side #but also to get used to writing them all. anyway #i'll just write about satan to balance it he's always been a fav but i am obsessed with him in nightbringer he is so offputting and tragic #if you're still reading these tags please see above on th 'later is up to three years' in regards to the fics still haven't posted anything #hoping to change that soon though I WILL eventually.

[burntoutdaydreamer]

Things That May Be Causing Your Writer's Block- and How to Beat Them

I don't like the term 'Writer's Block' - not because it isn't real, but because the term is so vague that it's useless. Hundreds of issues all get lumped together under this one umbrella, making writer's block seem like this all-powerful boogeyman that's impossible to beat. Worse yet, it leaves people giving and receiving advice that is completely ineffective because people often don't realize they're talking about entirely different issues.

In my experience, the key to beating writer's block is figuring out what the block even is, so I put together a list of Actual Reasons why you may be struggling to write:

(note that any case of writer's block is usually a mix of two or more)

Perfectionism (most common)

What it looks like:

You write one sentence and spend the next hour googling "synonyms for ___"

Write. Erase. Write. Rewrite. Erase.

Should I even start writing this scene when I haven't figured out this one specific detail yet?

I hate everything I write

Cringing while writing

My first draft must be perfect, or else I'm a terrible writer

Things that can help:

Give yourself permission to suck

Keep in mind that nothing you write is going to be perfect, especially your first draft

Think of writing your first/early drafts not as writing, but sketching out a loose foundation to build upon later

People write multiple drafts for a reason: write now, edit later

Stop googling synonyms and save that for editing

Write with a pen to reduce temptation to erase

Embrace leaving blank spaces in your writing when you can't think of the right word, name, or detail

It's okay if your writing sucks. We all suck at some point. Embrace the growth mindset, and focus on getting words on a page

Lack of inspiration (easiest to fix)

What it looks like:

Head empty, no ideas

What do I even write about???

I don't have a plot, I just have an image

Want to write but no story to write

Things that can help:

Google writing prompts

If writing prompts aren't your thing, instead try thinking about what kind of tropes/genres/story elements you would like to try out

Instead of thinking about the story you would like to write, think about the story you would like to read, and write that

It's okay if you don't have a fully fleshed out story idea. Even if it's just an image or a line of dialogue, it's okay to write that. A story may or may not come out of it, but at least you got the creative juices flowing

Stop writing. Step away from your desk and let yourself naturally get inspired. Go for a walk, read a book, travel, play video games, research history, etc. Don't force ideas, but do open up your mind to them

If you're like me, world-building may come more naturally than plotting. Design the world first and let the story come later

Boredom/Understimulation (lost the flow)

What it looks like:

I know I should be writing but uugggghhhh I just can'tttttt

Writing words feels like pulling teeth

I started writing, but then I got bored/distracted

I enjoy the idea of writing, but the actual process makes me want to throw my laptop out the window

Things that can help:

Introduce stimulation: snacks, beverages, gum, music such as lo-fi, blankets, decorate your writing space, get a clickity-clackity keyboard, etc.

Add variety: write in a new location, try a new idea/different story for a day or so, switch up how you write (pen and paper vs. computer) or try voice recording or speech-to-text

Gamify writing: create an arbitrary challenge, such as trying to see how many words you can write in a set time and try to beat your high score

Find a writing buddy or join a writer's group

Give yourself a reward for every writing milestone, even if it's just writing a paragraph

Ask yourself whether this project you're working on is something you really want to be doing, and be honest with your answer

Intimidation/Procrastination (often related to perfectionism, but not always)

What it looks like:

I was feeling really motivated to write, but then I opened my laptop

I don't even know where to start

I love writing, but I can never seem to get started

I'll write tomorrow. I mean next week. Next month? Next month, I swear (doesn't write next month)

Can't find the time or energy

Unreasonable expectations (I should be able to write 10,000 words a day, right????)

Feeling discouraged and wondering why I'm even trying

Things that can help:

Follow the 2 min rule (or the 1 paragraph rule, which works better for me): whenever you sit down to write, tell yourself that you are only going to write for 2 minutes. If you feel like continuing once the 2 mins are up, go for it! Otherwise, stop. Force yourself to start but DO NOT force yourself to continue unless you feel like it. The more often you do this, the easier it will be to get started

Make getting started as easy as possible (i.e. minimize barriers: if getting up to get a notebook is stopping you from getting started, then write in the notes app of your phone)

Commit to a routine that will work for you. Baby steps are important here. Go with something that feels reasonable: every day, every other day, once a week, twice a week, and use cues to help you remember to start. If you chose a set time to write, just make sure that it's a time that feels natural to you- i.e. don't force yourself to writing at 9am every morning if you're not a morning person

Find a friend or a writing buddy you can trust and talk it out or share a piece of work you're proud of. Sometimes we just get a bit bogged down by criticism- either internal or external- and need a few words of encouragement

The Problem's Not You, It's Your Story (or Outline (or Process))

What it looks like:

I have no problems writing other scenes, it's just this scene

I started writing, but now I have no idea where I'm going

I don't think I'm doing this right

What's an outline?

Drowning in documents

This. Doesn't. Make. Sense. How do I get from this plot point to this one?!?!?! (this ColeyDoesThings quote lives in my head rent free cause BOY have I been there)

Things That Can Help:

Go back to the drawing board. Really try to get at the root of why a scene or story isn't working

A part of growing as a writer is learning when to kill your darlings. Sometimes you're trying to force an idea or scene that just doesn't work and you need to let it go

If you don't have an outline, write one

If you have an outline and it isn't working, rewrite it, or look up different ways to structure it

You may be trying to write as a pantser when you're really a plotter or vice versa. Experiment with different writing processes and see what feels most natural

Study story structures, starting with the three act structure. Even if you don't use them, you should know them

Check out Ellen Brock on YouTube. She's a professional novel editor who has a lot of advice on writing strategies for different types of writers

Also check out Savage Books on YouTube (another professional story editor) for advice on story structure and dialogue. Seriously, I cannot recommend this guy enough

Executive Dysfunction, Usually From ADHD/Autism

What it looks like:

Everything in boredom/understimulation

Everything in intimidation/procrastination

You have been diagnosed with and/or have symptoms of ADHD/Autism

Things that can help:

If you haven't already, seek a diagnosis or professional treatment

Hire an ADHD coach or other specialist that can help you work with your brain (I use Shimmer; feel free to DM me for a referral)

Seek out neurodiverse communities for advice and support

Try body doubling! There's lot's of free online body doubling websites out there for you to try. If social anxiety is a barrier, start out with writing streams such as katecavanaughwrites on Twitch

Be aware of any sensory barriers that may be getting in the way of you writing (such as an uncomfortable desk chair, harsh lighting, bad sounds)

And Lastly, Burnout, Depression, or Other Mental Illness

What it looks like:

You have symptoms of burnout or depression

Struggling with all things, not just writing

It's more than a lack of inspiration- the spark is just dead

Things that can help:

Forget writing for now. Focus on healing first.

Seek professional help

If you feel like it, use writing as a way to explore your feelings. It can take the form of journaling, poetry, an abstract reflection of your thoughts, narrative essays, or exploring what you're feeling through your fictional characters. The last two helped me rediscover my love of writing after I thought years of depression had killed it for good. Just don't force yourself to do so, and stop if it takes you to a darker place instead of feeling cathartic

#writing #creative writing #writer problems #writing advice #writing community #writing a book #writing problems #novel writing #on writing #writing tips #writing help #writers on tumblr #writers block #female writers #writers of tumblr #writers blog #adhd writer

[jazjelspen]

my angel baby

(alastor w/ angel daughter reader)

[caution!!: EPISODE 8 & 6 SPOILERS. NOT PROOFREAD]

(notes: alastor joins charlie and vaggie in heaven to convince them about the hazbin hotel. angel reader physically resembles a fawn. )

(right now this is considered a oneshot, unless there is a very high demand for a part 2 I'll happily make another one for funzies!)

(PART 2 IS OUT!!!)

(also apologies if alastor's last name isnt actually altruist LMAo I kinda just wrote it assuming so 😭 )

You made it to heaven, lucky you.

Heaven was surely a treat, you lived your days with the upmost happiness, the light of heaven shining on your skin with kisses as if praising you for your goodness and your sacrifices,

all your sacrifices.

You were currently taking the job over for St. Peter at the gates of heaven for just a few minutes to await for any wondering souls to appear, to help guide them while he came back from a lunch break. Normally they wouldn't allow a human soul like yourself with little experience in this kind of task to take charge of such an important job, but you were close to many of the high ranking angels and you have proved your proficiency in tasks that you set your mind to, so you were glad to help those in need.

You stood there reading through the millions of pages looking over all kinds of names, all seemed like names that you wouldn't normally hear back in your time when you died. Some you liked, others didn't exactly pique your interest much, but the advancement of names since the 1930s surely proved how much times have changed and how quickly time seems to pass in heaven.

You wonder if it is in hell too.

'Hell?..' you wondered as you shook your head and sighed, your mind has been on that place lately and you wondered if it was even worth the rent free space in your mind.

You were currently slouched over the book and decided to close it with a glum look on your face, your elbows now resting on the golden podium and your hands cupping your face.

Geez, and you've been thinking a lot about your old man.

What-- no wait-

You shouldn't call him your old man, let alone your dad, not even father, pops-- not even by his damn name.

Even so, as much as you hated it.. you couldn't help but still use his last name sometimes since it's what you were given when you were first taken in.

Your last name?.. why, you're forgetting already?

_____ Altruist is who you a---

"HELLO??"

You snapped out of your thoughts as your head slipped from under your palms, face planting onto the cover of the enormous book. In embarrassment you snapped your head back up and your wings followed suit, spreading open behind you in shock as your eyes searched for the voice that called out to you from below.

You finally darted down to see three oddly shaped figures, your panicked vision soon relaxing to see two girls and a man dressed in red from tip to toe.

How peculiar.

Your eyes only set on the girl at the moment since she was the one waving at you and basically begging for your attention.

"Hello hello! uh.. Down here!" The girl with long locks of pale yellow hair waved, her smile widening when seeing she's caught your attention.

"Ah- yes yes! Hello hello! Welcome to Heaven! May I.. uh-" you scrambled nervously to open the book in the middle of it, "May I have your name please?"

She nodded, also returning a bit of a shy attitude back "Yes of course! My names Charlie Morningstar!"

Just like that you flicked the pages to go to the names that sounded similar to the girl's, mumbling her name under your breath as your finger traced down each name on the list.. to your dismay you couldn't find it.

"You don't seem to be on the list ma'am.. how weird.. does this usually happen with St. Peter?.." you spoke in concern, mumbling the last part to yourself.

The girl then started to explain something about her dad getting her a meeting, your mind a little clouded still trying to find her name until you heard the forbidden name that no one inside the pearly gates ever attempted to say out loud.

"-- maybe try, Lucifer.. Morning...star-"

And just like that you slammed the book closed, no words coming out of your mouth but an exasperated look of shock freezing your face.

"Oh-hoho... that explains so much--" you gave her a small sheepish smile, awkwardly looking off to the side where your eyes couldn't help but drag themselves to the man dressed in red.

"Miss you don't think.. you could've..." your eyes at first looked at the man's waist, his coat lightly shredded at the ends and the stripes of the long suit guided your eyes upwards "-gotten..." up and up and your eyes met his. The red eyes, the ears, the small horns, the horrific aura, and..

Oh dear, you'd recognize that damned smile anywhere.

"--lost..?" the end of your sentence dragged on, taking a long while to finish since all you could think about is how this man is at the front door step of the place he shouldn't even be considered in being let to enter.

Alastor, your father from the living realm. Not connected by blood but by life and connection.

The man where you got your last name from by being taken in and called his daughter.

The red deer demon seemed to recognize you as well, a spark in his devilish eyes proved it so, but it was very brief since he more or less also seemed to relish the look on your face with his smile stretched further up.. however further up it could get.

Charlie seemed concerned at your reaction, waving her hand in front of your face gently as if to get you out of this trance. "Heyyy... are you okay?.." she asked with genuine worry until all of you were focused away from this bizarre moment when a set of three angels befell before you all. The two seraphims and finally-- St. Peter off from his break.

"_____. We can take it from here, we appreciate the help." The highest and oldest seraphim announced your name and her appreciation while gliding down a bit more earlier than the blonde angel you covered for, she and the younger seraphim's forms going from their true to more human-like appearances.

"_____! My dear friend thank you so much for covering for me, always a real helper you!" St. Peter popped beside you as he praised you while gently flying beside you, you looked up at him with a small nervous smile before opening your own wings to flap down from his podium and let him get back on the job.

"It's no problem at all, you know me! Always.. happy to help.." you spoke your last words to him before your wings gently took you down to set yourself beside another one of your friends, Emily! You never talked much to Sera that wasn't in a formal setting but Emily seemed so easy to get along with. She gave you a tight squeeze of a hug while saying hello which eased your nerves a bit more, of course they never fully disappeared with the man who ruined everything before you let out your last breath.. standing right in front of you.

The man that brought you up here in the first place.

The seraphims introduced themselves to the three residents of hell, the deer demon more quiet until finally finding a spot of silence to jump in and introduce himself as well.

"Why hello, a real pleasure meeting you two quite the pleasure! Never thought I'd ever get to see an angel up this close in my life HAHA! The names Alastor!"

The voice, the radio static over it, his name.

It was him, you recognized it as if you listened to him on the radio just yesterday, your own personal hell.

Whatever reaction or words the higher ranked angels said seemed to fizzle out of your brain as they were replaced with the memories of your last moments on earth.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Father!" you screamed as you ran up to your childhood home, the home to which you were raised and kept in, your home in which you lived in with your father, Alastor Altruist.

For sometime you had suspected foul play when it came to your father's weird actions when the night came, the tone he spoke through his radio show when announcing several murders happening across and haunting New Orleans. You just didn't want to truly believe that the man that found you, a poor little orphaned baby, and raised you would do such disgusting and diabolical crimes.

You couldn't believe it.. until you finally saw it.

Your legs scrambled and fought each step to become faster, finally reaching the door of your home you slammed it open with a strong kick after jiggling the doorknob didn't work.

You knew the next murder he would commit would happen in your home.. you thanked whatever force that made you disobey him and look through his study since if you didn't you wouldn't know that right now there was blood to be shed.

The door opening and with your kick full of adrenaline and panic it made the door barley cling onto it's hinges. There your father was, on top of a wounded man that seemed to be gurgling and gasping to breathe as the victim attempted to claw at Alastor's grasp. Pieces of glass and wood broken across the entire floor, walls bloodied and worn out, pictures that hung neatly now cracked and lopsided or shattered on the floor.

Whatever happened in here, the victim was sure a fighter in the beginning.

You immediately without hesitation with full force pushed Alastor off the man, pulling the bloodied stranger by his wrist. The victim and you stared for a moment, him mostly realizing that he's being saved by a young girl like you. His lips parted to thank you but you could see Alastor raise his kitchen knife in the air and sprinted toward him to stab him on the back.

With no words left to share or spill you grabbed the stranger by the shoulders and with all your might pushed him and yourself away so that in the end Alastor ended up stabbing nothing but air.

Alastor grunted in frustration, his bloodied smile yet never faltering despite the challenge you now gave him.

The man snapped his head at you, eyes fixated at you before snapping back to his victim and raising his knife up once more, in a haunting motion his steps creeped and creaked towards the injured New Orleans citizen stricken with fear and terror.

Just like that, Alastor slams his knife down with no hesitation. The knife fully in his prey with no inch of the blade uncovered.

Oh-- wait.

That shriek, the sobs, the shaky breathing and the coughs of blood.. that wasn't his victim.

It was you.

His daughter, he stabbed his daughter.

For a moment you could see his crazed smile falter, the humane part of him uncovering itself for a moment, for you.

His little girl was covered in her blood because of him, the little baby he found on that cold rainy day is dying because of him, his bundle of joy that he took years to take care of is leaving him.. and it's all his fault.

He didn't know it was you-- he didn't know you'd be that stupid to sacrifice yourself for some random prick.

He didn't know that in the end, someone as evil as him could have raised someone as selfless as you.

"p..papa..?" you whimpered, your painful coughs of blood spilling out and going down your chin and your neck. "It hurts-- g.. it hurts so much papa.." you cried as the knife in your chest seemed to feel as if it was melting into your skin, becoming one with you. It obviously wasn't but the pain was just that painful.

Alastor's smile faltered and kept trying to stay up, his own set of tears falling down his face and onto your cheeks that were slowly losing life. Regret stabbing his own heart the way he did to yours. He let go of the knife and instead cradled you in his arms, just like how he used to when you would have nightmares as a little girl.

"Shh.. Shh.." he shush you softly as he gently patted your head, moving away any uneven strands of hair he could spot with his hands trembling in regret. "Little one.. don't worry about a thing, papa's here.. " he mumbled, the gentleness replacing what once was pure aggressiveness.

Your eyes slowly started to flutter closed, your pulse slowing down, breathing less profound, your limbs going limp, and your face.. contorting into a peaceful state of slumber.

Alastor watched as you passed in his arms, his faltering smile picking itself up once more to stretch itself across his face with tears pouring out his eyes. This wasn't a smile of joy, it was a smile to hide what he truly felt.. to lie to himself. "My little angel, forgive me please."

Those were his last words to you, words that in the end you couldn't hear.

And that man he tried to kill earlier? He escaped when he was given the chance, Alastor was sure the cops were to invade his home soon.. now there was just one thing left to do before he'd be found once again to pay the consequences.

He took your body to a beautiful forest filled with flower meadows. Alastor knew this was one of your favorite spots as a young girl, why not let you rest here.

Ah but as he was preparing to bury you in your final resting place... that darn deer hunter.

Well, you know the story. Mistaken for a deer, shot, that's the end of Alastor Altruist and his darling daughter, ______ Altruist.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you stood there you were awoken from your thoughts with the high angels escorting the princess and her other female companion into the gates of heaven, St. Peter welcoming them humbly with one of heaven's popular songs.

You were frozen, in shock. A chill went down your spine as you felt a foreign energy come closer.

You felt long fingers grapple themselves onto your shoulder which made you dramatically turn towards the hand and away from it.

Your father wanted to talk to you.

Your contrasting colors and appearances made this reunitement even more uncomfortable for you, his demon form seeming to match his disgusting self that he hid from the human world before.

His face was hard to read, especially with that signature smile of his that even in death he would never get rid of.

"Little one, my darling daughter.." he spoke, his voice seemingly trying to seem genuine but the radio filter over it made it feel condescending to you.. as if mocking you.

The look on your face was evident, you missed him so much but hated him with your entire being because of that hidden side he kept for years.

He continued "My little ____... out of all places I never thought I'd see you here. Oh but it's definitely much better than down under my little dove.."

Geez what was he even saying?? What were his intentions..?? You couldn't tell.. after all this time, you couldn't forgive this man, this serial killer, this demon, this.. monster. You couldn't.. not this soon anyways.

You took a deep inhale and exhale before fixing your posture and stance, trying to seem more professional and confident. "Sir, your hosts and companions are ahead of you. You wouldn't want to miss your introduction to a place you'll never see again after this day." Your voice stern and professional, trying your best to be void of emotion.

"Darling.. is that truly a way to greet your dear ol' father?" He spoke, hand stretched out while the other held onto his staff.

"Your friends are waiting on you, don't be late Alastor."

Just like that you turned your heel and gave him the cold shoulder, your wings spread and started flapping. Taking you up and away further into your home.. Alastor watched you as you left him once again, this time by choice.

Ah but he knew, he'd have his darling daughter back soon. His little angel that he cared for will forgive him.. he knew you had to.

With his grin widening even further he walked to catch up to the Princess of hell and her partner into the pearly gates, to see what other thing could entertain him while his daughter snapped back to her senses.

(hello!! thank you so much for reading I had a blast with this. as you can tell. once again thank you so much for reading! hope to see you soon! mwa mwa!)

#hazbin hotel angst #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin hotel spoilers #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor #hazbin spoilers #alastor altruist #alastor the radio demon #radio demon #hellaverse #alastor x reader platonic #alastor platonic #hazbin platonic #sera hazbin hotel #emily hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin charlie #vaggie

[inkskinned]

"your pet doesn't love you; it just has learned that it will get treats if it acts a certain way. it can't understand you."

in between humans, i don't always speak the language either. love has always been hard for me. i don't trust it. i can't read it easily on people's faces - i'm usually trying to read past it; to the "other parts", the ones that make sense to me.

but my mom always offers me food as soon as i get through the door. my brother calls me at weird hours, just to be talking. my sister has a nightmare; asks me to please drive safe in the morning. i throw my friends random parties, just to celebrate something. she drives 45 minutes to spend 3 hours with me. amelia holds my hand while we both cross the street.

no, my dog and i don't have the same language. so what? this is not the same thing as communication. my dog is a good study in how trauma can heal - a rescue from the racetrack; i've been watching his personality develop slowly. in the last year, he's gotten so comfortable with me that he'll ask me to sit down on the grass so he can use my body as a seat. (it's important to note: he is huge. he squishes me. i don't complain. i find it lovely.)

love for us is also just endorphins and behavioral response. i'm a poet, the number of sad men that have tried to "teach me" how stupid it is to be a hopeless romantic is ... not a low one. i cannot count how many times someone has argued - it's all chemical stimulus - as if the fact of it makes it less magical. we're just electrical signals reading the universe! that's fucked up. that's so beautiful.

i find it hard to believe that in the spectrum of evolution we are the only species to feel like this - we already know that dogs and cats also have endorphins. why wouldn't they experience joy? love? companionship? in what world is it a new thing that i had to earn it? in every relationship, both individuals have to work to learn the language. i had to teach my dog what trust is. it's okay that it took time for him to learn it.

in the human world, when i love someone, it's hard for me to speak it. i write them poems or make them food or give them a cool rock i found on the beach.

i don't know how to tell goblin i love him, so i tell him through treats. through a new collar, fancy mattresses, a little bow on his leash. i tell him with long walks and petting him and sitting down on the wet ground so my 70 pound sharp noodle of a dog can prance on my thigh bones and take an awkward - if loving - seat.

"you taught your dog to love you" is kind of a cruel way to reframe what actually happened: i loved him so loudly, it skipped over language and species. the two of us just saying - oh! i have figured out a way to tell you that you make me happy.

#spilled ink #warm up #goblin writing #i got a lot of angry replies on my last goblin post about how dogs DONT love u #like really? did u ask every dog?

[vinceaddams]

Any tips on learning to make buttonholes? I've been putting it off for.... *checks notes* like three years.... but better late than never and all that. I don't have any fancy machines so I gotta do it by hand but that seems right up your alley.

Thanks!

It IS up my alley, yes, I do most of my buttonholes by hand!

I'm actually part way through filming an 18th century buttonhole tutorial, but I expect it'll be a few more weeks before I finish that and put it on the youtubes, so in the meantime here's the very very short version. (The long version is looking like it'll probably be about 40 minutes maybe, judging by how much script I've written compared to my last video?)

Mark your line, a bit longer than your button is wide. I usually use a graphite mechanical pencil on light fabrics, and a light coloured pencil crayon on dark ones. (I have fabric pencils too, but they're much softer and leave a thicker line.) You may want to baste the layers together around all the marked buttonholes if you're working on something big and the layers are shifty and slippery. I'm not basting here because this is just a pants placket.

Do a little running stitch (or perhaps a running backstitch) in fine thread around the line at the width you want the finished buttonhole to be. This holds the layers of fabric together and acts as a nice little guide for when you do the buttonhole stitches.

Cut along the marked line using a buttonhole cutter, or a woodworking chisel. Glossy magazines are the best surface to put underneath your work as you push down, and you can give it a little tap with a rubber mallet if it's not going through all the way.

I'm aware that there are some people who cut their buttonholes open using seam rippers, and if any of them are reading this please know that that is abhorrent behaviour and I need you to stop it immediately. Stop it.

Go get a buttonhole cutter for 10 bucks and your life will be better for it. Or go to the nearest hardware store and get a little woodworking chisel. This includes machine buttonholes, use the buttonhole cutter on them too. If you continue to cut open buttonholes with a seam ripper after reading this you are personally responsible for at least 3 of the grey hairs on my head.

Do a whipstitch around the cut edges, to help prevent fraying while you work and to keep all those threads out of the way. (For my everyday shirts I usually do a machine buttonhole instead of this step, and then just hand stitch over it, because it's a bit faster and a lot sturdier on the thin fabrics.)

I like to mark out my button locations at this point, because I can mark them through the holes without the buttonhole stitches getting in the way.

For the actual buttonhole stitches it's really nice if you have silk buttonhole twist, but I usually use those little balls of DMC cotton pearl/perle because it's cheap and a good weight. NOT stranded embroidery floss, no separate strands! It's got to be one smooth twisted thing!

Here's a comparison pic between silk buttonhole twist (left) and cotton pearl (right). Both can make nice looking buttonholes, but the silk is a bit nicer to work with and the knots line up more smoothly.

I've actually only used the silk for one garment ever, but am going to try to do it more often on my nicer things. I find the cotton holds up well enough to daily wear though, despite being not ideal. The buttonholes are never the first part of my garments to wear out.

I cut a piece of about one arm's length more or less, depending on the size of buttonhole. For any hole longer than about 4cm I use 2 threads, one to do each side, because the end gets very frayed and scruffy by the time you've put it through the fabric that many times.

I wax about 2cm of the tip (Not the entire thread. I wax the outlining/overcasting thread but not the buttonhole thread itself.) to make it stick in the fabric better when I start off the thread. I don't tend to tie it, I just do a couple of stabstitches or backstitches and it holds well. (I'm generally very thorough with tying off my threads when it comes to hand sewing, but a buttonhole is basically a long row of knots, so it's pretty sturdy.)

Put the needle through underneath, with the tip coming up right along that little outline you sewed earlier. And I personally like to take the ends that are already in my hand and wrap them around the tip of the needle like so, but a lot of people loop the other end up around the other way, so here's a link to a buttonhole video with that method. Try both and see which one you prefer, the resulting knot is the same either way.

Sometimes I can pull the thread from the end near the needle and have the stitch look nice, but often I grab it closer to the base and give it a little wiggle to nestle it into place. This is more necessary with the cotton than it is with the silk.

The knot should be on top of the cut edge of the fabric, not in front of it.

You can put your stitches further apart than I do if you want, they'll still work if they've got little gaps in between them.

Keep going up that edge and when you get to the end you can either flip immediately to the other side and start back down again, or you can do a bar tack. (You can also fan out the stitches around the end if you want, but I don't like to anymore because I think the rectangular ends look nicer.)

Here's a bar tack vs. no bar tack sample. They just make it look more sharp, and they reinforce the ends.

For a bar tack do a few long stitches across the entire end.

And then do buttonhole stitches on top of those long stitches. I also like to snag a tiny bit of the fabric underneath.

Then stick the needle down into the fabric right where you ended that last stitch on the corner of the bar tack, so you don't pull that corner out of shape, and then just go back to making buttonhole stitches down the other side.

Then do the second bar tack once you get back to the end.

To finish off my thread I make it sticky with a bit more beeswax, waxing it as close to the fabric as I can get, and then bring it through to the back and pull it underneath the stitches down one side and trim it off.

In my experience it stays put perfectly well this way without tying it off.

Voila! An beautiful buttonholes!

If you want keyhole ones you can clip or punch a little rounded bit at one end of the cut and fan your stitches out around that and only do the bar tack at one end, like I did on my 1830's dressing gown.

(I won't do that style in my video though, because they're not 18th century.)

Do samples before doing them on a garment! Do as many practice ones as you need to, it takes a while for them to get good! Mine did not look this nice 10 years ago.

Your first one will probably look pretty bad, but your hundredth will be much better!

Edit: Video finished!

And here's the blog post, which is mostly a slightly longer version of this post.

#ask #buttonholes #sewing #hand sewing #sewing tutorial #I've been procrastinating on the video this week #I want it done! I don't want to work on it I want new projects! I want to cut out more gloves! #currently forcing myself to do the last few buttonholes on these pants and then maybe I can cut out new gloves? as a treat? #but I hope I get some filming done tomorrow too

[bandgie]

Free Use - Hyung Line

warnings: MDNI 18+, fem!reader, !!free-use is legal and public!!, public sex (duhhh), dry humping, gangbangs (implied), pussy easting, sex photography, reader is called slut

notes: longer version of this ask! to be clear, this is a free-use society so if you're not comfortable with that, don't read it pls! thanks :)

BANGCHAN! - even if it's completely legal to fuck you in public, chan can't bring himself to. your moans, whimpers, cries... those are for his ears (and maybe a few close friends) but that doesn't mean he won't do a few things - main one is arguably dry humping. standing behind you while waiting in a line for some boba and his hands settle on your hips. it's cute at first, but his grip tightens. you'll arch your back further into him because you know what he wants, you can feel it. - he grinds his hips softly on your ass. guiding his cock over your body before sliding it out to put it between your thighs. He breathlessly moans in your ear, one hand moving to grope your chest over your shirt. if he gets really into it, chan will push your head down once you make it to the counter and rut into you like he's actually fucking you and still order. - another that's more intense is when he's working in the studio. he's got you pretty and nice on his lap. Changbin and Han are so used to you riding his thigh that they hardly notice your moans anymore. - no shorts, no underwear. just your bare pussy on his leg while you hump him desperately. in a way, this is more degrading since people will come in and out of the studio, asking for adjustments and adding things to the schedule acting like they can't see you rocking your hips on his flexed thigh. but it still doesn't stop you from quietly pleading for his friends to have a turn too.

"I dunno, babe. I've got a lot of work. Why don't you keep doing this and if you're a good girl, I'll think about it."

MINHO! - total opposite of chan, he is 100% fucking you in public. everyone needs to see how much a slut you are, how much you love being fucked no matter the time of day. just cuz he's a little shit, minho will purposely fuck you in places you're supposed to be quiet. on a bus, a train, the library, the possibilities are endless - the bus though? his favorite. there's so many eyes silently watching him bounce you on his lap. all his has to do is tap his thigh and you know to lift your skirt up and sink onto his cock. no underwear on because why would you? - he wants you to be loud, he wants the people around you to join in. to twist your nipples and shove fingers in your mouth. some people will look at you with disgust wondering why mandated free use is even legal. most will be jealous though, asking minho if you're up for grabs or if you're personal use - and when it's finally your stop, he'll slide out of you and feel the way your pussy clings onto him. a few people might follow you guys until he stops at an alleyway (he has some decency) and bends you over the air.

"You can use any hole you want, but her pussy's mine."

CHANGBIN! - you're public free-use when he first meets you. there's just something about your moans, the way you move your hips, the aroused look in your eye. changbin doesn't usually engage with mandated free-use sluts but you catch his eye right at the start - he'll frequent at the place you do service at and watch most of the time. jerking himself off at the same pace you're bouncing on a cock. but he'll work up the courage and finally take you like he's been wanting to, flipping you around to get a up close view of your face - gosh, you're perfect. fucked out expression, swollen lips, cum dripping down your pretty body. how has no one made you a personal slut yet? changbin taps his fat tip on your clit, watching your body vibrate in overstimulated pleasure - he takes a long time, the people behind him growing impatient, but he doesn't care. you deserve to be praised, to be cherished. your walls are so soft and warm when he slides in, most likely from the previous people fucking you endlessly, but changbin hardly minds the fact. he presses his cock deep in you, feeling your pussy spasm and clench. and when he slides out? he gets to see all of your cream coating his length.

"So pretty. Pretty, pretty girl. You're not personal yet, right? Binnie will take care of you. Binnie can make you feel like this everyday."

HYUNJIN! - even though you're the one who's free-use, hyunjin acts like he is. he always worships you, in or out of the bedroom. he'll bring you to his photoshoots and surprises you with being photographed! the makeup artists and hair dresses doll you up so nice and pretty. you look beautiful, how can Hyunjin stay away? - with the cameras shuttering, he'll get on his knees and hook one of your legs over his shoulder. peeling the dress up to expose your sweet cunt. the makeup artists will scowl since the'll have to redo it and the hairdressers groan when you thread your fingers through his carefully styled hair, but he doesn't care - the photographers will make the best of what they can. there's no use in trying to pry Hyunjin away from you. your pussy tastes too sweet, too inviting on his tongue. so you'll be able to hear the rapid clicks of cameras and see the flashes of light while orgasming in his mouth - it's definitely a little strange to see yourself on the front cover of a magazine with hyunjin between your legs, but it's even stranger that it looks good!

"You look like an angel. You're shy? Don't be shy! You're beautiful, everyone needs to see that."

#smut #skz smut #stray kids smut #skz #stray kids #skz hyunjin #skz changbin #skz hard hours #skz hard thoughts #skz bangchan #skz minho #skz lee minho #bangchan smut #hyunjin #changbin smut #hyung line skz #poly!skz #skz drabbles #skz drabble #hyunjin smut #minho smut

[rin-and-jade]

Heres a reminder for you that being dissociated isn't limited to the common misconception where you are frozen in place, incapable of doing anything or even thinking, or experiencing a significant time gap,, those things. (This is a very important post, read till bottom so im happy!)

And while its hard to spot the milder signs when you're dissociating, don't worry i got you covered by bringing awareness, im showing what those signs could look like:

Dazing/blanking out several times

Hands looking weird (depersonalization)

Surroundings also looking weird (derealization)

Feeling detached emotionally, physically, or both

Light-headedness

Less reactive in responding

Forget things more often

Unable to focus or keep concentration straight

And many more..!

When you have multiple of those signs at once, then chances are you are dissociating (extra note that it can also co-occur with derealization/depersonalization). While it can be caused by various factors, i would like to add that it may or may not get worse as time passes and no one wants that thing to snowball until it got too bad (remember, preventing now is better than dealing later) so having a few tips would help:

Grounding (sensory): listening to music, feeling different textures, paying attention to things in your surroundings, trying different fragrant or scents, have some snacks to occupy your senses

Grounding (physically): feel your chest as you breathe, get your body moving to redirect focus, splash some cold water, hold something you can squeeze (such as a stress ball)

Practice being mindful. As it can help you re-anchor back to reality faster, regulate better, building more resilience, increasing awareness of oneself's state

Sometimes we go do our day without giving a thought that were detached from reality, usually by going autopilot and scrolling through social medias without being aware (well, atleast for me) and forget lots of things while being dysregulated at the end. So by being aware of the mild signs and incorporating grounding skills im sure memory gaps and those funny aftermath stuffs won't be a problem anymore, have a good day peeps.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that another sign is your hearing feels muffled, that you can hear sounds feel more distant despite close, i thought it could be grouped with the “less reactive” before.

EDIT 2: It is true that sometimes these techniques will not work,, so it's recommended to create a peaceful environment in hopes of going away sooner when waiting it out. grab some videos to watch, put some of your favorite musics or cuddle your soft pillows (if any, pets) and stay comfy! Do not stress about it because it'll be counterproductive. Full explanation at here.

- j

#did #did community #actually did #did system #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #plural #system stuff #sysblr #Jeducates