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#i try to be normal about it but everytime i caught myself thinking about this and checking my notes everytime gajdksja
movedtolilmouzee · 1 year
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𝔏𝔞𝔱𝔢 𝔞𝔱 𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔨𝔰...
𝘚𝘰𝘧𝘵 𝘎𝘰𝘫𝘰, 𝘛𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘯𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘺, 𝘛𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺, 𝘑𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘎𝘰𝘫𝘰 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘥𝘢𝘥.
(Zee's note- Hi my loves, this was originally going to be a smut story but I've been a little depressed recently so I decided to write some fluff to try and cheer myself up. ALSO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K, I LITERALLY NEVER THOUGHT ID EVEN PASS 100. I hope I can continue to grow and make more friends along the way, i love you all. 💕)
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The sound of running water hitting the bottom of the sink, Plates clinking together as you stacked them, a tired sigh escaping your lips caught gojos attention once he walked in from the front door returning from another long day. Normally gojo would immediately be all over you, teasing and kissing you but seeing you so tired made gojo feel almost sympathetic for how late you'd stay awake just to see him.
Gojos arms quickly find their way wrapped around your waist, gojos head resting on the top of your head. "I'm not doing anything, I just wanna see what your doing" he whispered gently rocking you from side to side, "I've been thinking a lot recently, nothing bad. About me and you, our future, us starting a family" gojo hummed, his eyes closed arms pulling you closer to chest "Everytime I see you babysitting it makes me think about you with our baby. How much of a good mom you'd be to them."
"We've been talking about it for awhile now, you'd be such a good mama. I just know you would be such a good mom, I notice how excited you get when seeing those cute baby clothes." Gojo was honestly just rambling on at this point, not sure if you were paying any mind to him but he didn't care, imagining your belly get bigger each week had gojo in a choke hold.
"I think it'd be so cute seeing a miniature you or me running around, maybe both. I'd love to know what their first word will be, when they learn to walk and talk. Maybe they'll have my eyes and your sassy attitude." Gojo continued with his rambles, so lost in his own imagination he could vision what your child would look like.
"I know it's scary to think about. All the things that could go wrong, everything that could happen to you and our child but I'd be here every step of the way. Always by your side, holding your hand, kissing kissing cheek, holding you in my arms, laughing and even crying with you. I'll take care of you, no matter what"
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garden-of-gay · 9 months
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You're On Your Own Kid
Summary: A fic inspired by the Taylor Swift song of the same name in which Eddie helps Steve heal from the loneliness left by his parents.
Did I read all the lyrics to the song and proceed to write this entire fic based on the storyline it created in my head maybe? Does it make total sense, probably not, did this fic get away from me? Definitely
Summer Went Away
As the heat of August had winded down and the chill autumn breeze rolled in, the kids had gotten back to school and back to a pretty normal life, as normal as possible for Hawkins. However for Steve, things still haven’t returned to normal. Sure, he had healed from the demobats and had gotten back to slaving away at Family Video with Robin but, the one thing he had not prepared for…….. was the presence of one Eddie Munson. 
-
It had been 7 months since Eddie Munson had come crashing into his life in all his dramatic glory, and uprooted everything Steve thought he knew about himself. It had been a muggy day in July when he decided to broach the subject with the one person he knew he could talk to….Robin
-
“Hey Robs?” said Steve
“What’s up Dingus?” replied Robin
Steve glanced around the empty store before continuing
“You’ve never liked a guy right”
Robin sighed, “Steve we have been over this, I like women and women only”  
“Okay, okay but like… what if you thought you only liked girls but then there was a guy…..?” Steve got more and more nervous as Robin stared at him saying nothing
“You know this is just like a hypothetical, a weird question, you know forget I said anything” he said before panicking and laughing to try to cover it. Robin took that as her cue to finally say something
“Oh dingus” she replied gently
Steve could feel the tears building threatening to spill over but he wouldn’t let them, not here, not ever, “Harrington’s DON'T CRY!'' his fathers voice echoed in his mind and he willed the tears away.  
“I think, I like a guy and I don’t know what to do because I thought I liked girls and girls only but then Ed– a guy has been talking to me and I think I might like him. “ he told her
“Well, that's okay, we don’t have to put a label on anything until you feel comfortable but when I was figuring it out myself I read up on bisexuality. It's where you like both that might be you? It might not but…… what I do know is that I love you, you dingus and you’ll figure it out” she told him before crushing him in a hug.
“You good?” She asked
“Yeah…. no, but I will be, thanks Robs” Steve said
 Then a customer walked in and they broke apart going back to their job earning a strange look from the customer and a small smile from Robin.
-
It had been two months since that conversation, summer was whisked away and yet Steve’s yearning was still ever present. Robin gave him some stuff on bisexuality and had comfortably adopted the label as his own.
Robin had also in that time learned through deduction that the person Steve had a burning crush on was none other than Eddie Munson.
She took great joy in teasing Steve for his attempts to be cool and suave around Eddie while he failed miserably she even considered bringing back the You Suck, You Rule board from Scoops.
“I swear Rob’s, the Harrington charm always works but everytime I try to use it, I just turn into a stuttering mess. I think it’s broken” He said
“What’s broken?” Eddie announced 
“Steven thinks the Harrington charm is broken, because he can’t keep his cool” Robin replied
“ooOoOo, what lovely lady has caught the attention of Stevie here that is turning him into a mess?” Eddie teased
Stevie. Steve could feel his face heating up. He thought he was used to Eddie’s pet names but everytime he got used to one; Eddie would throw another at him breaking him all over again. 
“Come on Stevie, tell me who the lady is???” Eddie asked
“Ughh, no one. Like you care about my love life anyways. What do you need anyways, Munson?” Steve retorted
“I came to bother you guys because it turns out when you are an accused murderer and triple senior not a lot of people want to hire you.” He said
“Well, bother Robin all you want but I’m going to go restock movies” Steve huffed
“Awww Sweetheart, what if I came here for you not Bobbie?” Eddie teased
Steve had to take a deep breath because the thought of Eddie coming to see him specifically may cause him to combust internally. 
“Haha, very funny” He replied dryly
“You definitely missed me Harrington” Eddie teased as he turned to Steve with a cheshire grin
True to his word, Steve gathered the recent returns and began to place them back on the shelves. What he should have seen coming was Eddie following him like a shadow; pestering him as he put movies back. Occasionally Eddie would pick up a movie and make a comment about the film and scoffed at how anyone could watch it. 
“Come on Harrington, Footloose!?” Eddie asked with a mocking tone
“What, it has good music and fun dancing, what's not to love!” Steve replied
Eddie chuckled
“What, what’s so funny?” huffed Steve
“Nothing, nothing Stevie, don’t worry your pretty little head about it” He said
As Eddies words about his “pretty little head” rolled around in his mind, Steve retorted
“Whatever Munson, it’s not like your movie tastes are any better”
Eddie grabbed his chest as if he had been stabbed
“Oh you wound me Harrington, but at least I have actually taste”
“One of these days you should swing by the trailer and I’ll show you real movies and good taste”
“Fine, I’ll take you up on that Munson, when are you free” Steve asked
“Dude, I’m an unemployed super senior, I’m always free so the better question is when are YOU free?” Eddie joked
“Uhh…I have the opening shift tomorrow and the closing tonight so…Thursday?” Steve supplied
“Thursday is fine, swing by whenever you feel like” replied Eddie
“Okay, cool…I have to drop Dustin off at the Wheelers at 4 o’clock so how about I swing by around 4:30?” he asked
“Sounds good, it's a date” Eddie replied with a smile
“Yeah” Steve replied as his face once again became bright red
“Well, I will leave you to it, have a good shift sweetheart” Eddie said as he walked towards the door turning to blow a kiss to Steve before chuckling and walking out. 
Steve had about 10 seconds to process what had just happened before he heard a squeal from where Robin was standing
“Dingus!! Do you have a date!?” She exclaimed
“Uh no, Eddie just wanted to hangout and watch a movie, that's hardly a date, we do that all the time” He replied with a slight sadness in his voice.
“He’s gonna notice you, I guarantee it, there is no way he doesn’t like you” she said
“It’s okay, I’ll just wait; maybe forever if I have to but it’s okay we’re best friends anyways” He replied sadly
“Best Friends!! I thought I was your best friend!!’ Robin teased
“No, you're my separated twin and platonic soulmate, Eddie is my best friend; or maybe Dustin?” Steve joked, before mumbling about how Dustin is a brat and more like a little brother than best friend.
-
Steve hadn’t seen Eddie since Tuesday and decided that it would be a good idea to call him to confirm that their plans for the next day were still on. 
“Munson residence, you kill’em, we grill’em how can I help you?”
“Jesus Eddie! Is that how you always answer the phone” Steve exclaimed
“STEVIE, what’s up man? I thought we were on for Thursday?” Eddie asked
“Yeah, I was just calling to confirm that's all, what are you up to?” Steve said sheepishly
“I’m smoking with the band, what about you?” He replied
“Oh, I’m not doing anything, I didn’t know you had people over, sorry” Steve apologized
“Don’t worry, the boys don’t care” He chuckled causing Steve to relax a little bit
“Okay…cool, well I don’t wanna keep you” He said, despite not wanting to hang up
“What if I do, What if I want to talk to you? Hmm?” Eddie said. He had meant it to be teasing but it had come out too sincere.
Steve could hear it in his voice, the low grit that entered Eddie’s voice when he was high and starting to get properly buzzed. He touched the phone as if it was Eddie’s face and imagined that for just a moment Eddie was reaching back. He hadn’t realized he had fallen silent until Eddie spoke up.
“Hey Stevie, are you still there?”
“Yeah, yeah still here” Steve chuckled
“Good, good” Eddie, replied softly
“I didn’t choose this place and honestly dream of getting out of here” Eddie said suddenly
“Yeah?” asked Steve
“Yeah, I was dumped here after my old man got himself locked up. They placed me with Wayne, and I’ve been here since.”
“I love Wayne, but I still wouldn’t have wanted to be in this town in bumfuck Indiana, you know?”
“Yeah, I do”
Eddie chuckled “You know that there is only one reason, I’m still here in this stupid town? I mean it's not a reason as much as it's a person”
Steve softly asked “Who is it, who is keeping you here?”
“Don’t you worry about that Sweetheart, it’s not too important” Eddie replied
Steve allowed himself to imagine that maybe just maybe that person was him; the one keeping Eddie from skipping town at the earliest chance. He was pulled from his thought when he heard Eddie’s voice
“Why are you still here Harrington, it seems like you hate it here?” 
“It’s mainly the kids and Robin, you know the summers with them playing and splashing around in the sprinklers or piling around the fireplace during Christmas, letting it burn to ash only. These are the memories and things that keep me here I guess.” Steve replied, he loved the kids and Robin; loved the life he has with them. 
“Damn, Harrington I can’t argue with that” Eddie chuckled before asking
“So I guess people are the reason you stay? just like me”
Steve laughed “yeah, I guess so” Steve was quiet for a bit before asking
“Hey Eddie, do you wanna know why else I’m here?” 
“Yeah, why not, what else you got Harrington” Eddie asked
Steve waited a minute before proceeding “I’m also still here because of my parents”
“I know it’s stupid but I think part of me is still waiting to see them, see them come back.” He laughed wetly. 
“You know, I still find myself searching large bodies of people for their faces wondering if they are there, looking for me too” Steve choked out
“But they never are, they don’t care, I think they never did, I can still hear my dad telling me; You’re on your own kid; the first time I was left all alone for them to go on a trip and the more I think about it. I think I always have been” He sobbed
Eddie's heart broke, as he listened to Steve draw ragged harsh breaths, and sob over the phone. He heard Steve profusely apologize for crying and it only broke his heart more. How could someone hurt such a beautiful, caring person, like Steve?
Eddie decided that it would be his mission to make sure Steve never felt alone again; that he would never feel on his own. Not anymore. 
Part 2
Soooo, this fic got away from me pretty heavily so I'm planning on splitting this into 2 more parts? I have never actually sat down and written a fic before so if this is actual garbage I blame it on that and the fact that it was written at 2am and then beta'd by no one. Anyways.....let me know if y'all like it and if you wanna be tagged or something idk. Also yes, I'm sorry this is a hurt and comfort because that's just Steve's general dynamic with existence. We got the hurt now but promise there is comfort coming.
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grumpyfreak · 3 months
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It's Not All Bad
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Chapters: 6-8
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Characters included: Eddie Munson, Nancy Wheeler, and Steve Harington
Word Count: 4,352
No use of Y/N
18+! May be triggering to some!
Contains: Fluff, Angst, Kissing, Shy/ Anxious Reader, Sweet/Protective Eddie, Jealousy, Cursing, Alcohol use, Yelling, Heartbreak, Betrayal, & Friends To Lovers.
Summary: After a betrayal from your best friend and boyfriend, you find comfort in the arms of eddie.
Please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments. This is my first story and I'm a little nervous.
!Must give credit when re-sharing/ sharing. Don't take credit please and thank you!
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PART SIX:
As you hear them rambling in the background you just keep looking forward and walk out.
You know they are just trying to earn your forgiveness to feel better about themselves and that hurts more in some ways. You’ve done so much for them and you’ve given them your heart, support, trust and more just for them to do this. You couldn’t breath, you couldn’t think, you just couldn’t. You had to do everything you could not to look back or you’d cry more. But where was Edds? Eddie couldn’t do much not right now at least he wanted to go make sure to be there for you but not without saying something first. “You both had this coming and you both are awful people. That feeling you feel right now I hope everytime you kiss you feel that way and ask was this worth losing someone so important.” Steve tried to reason with Eddie but Eddie wasn’t stupid. “Come on Eddie you know I make her happy-” “Save it man because guess what you don’t. But I will give you both some advice. Stay away from my Star. Don’t ever bother her with your bullshit again.” What Eddie didn’t know was that you had come back. You didn’t want to but you did and you did to get him even if you had to see Steve and Nancy. But when you got to the door you heard a commotion so you looked through the window. You always loved how he cared for you and it’s not anything new to you but as soon as he said “My Star” time seemed to stop until you felt cold rings grab one of your hands. “Let’s go home Star.” And with no hesitation “Okay Edds.” You finally get home and ask Eddie to wait in the living room. You were so quick Eddie didn’t even get the chance to sit. You finally return to the living room and you were no longer in that dress or any of the things you had on before you had switched into a T-shirt, shorts, and you had pulled your hair up. Normally you’d not do that till the guest left but you were sad and you felt comfortable around Eddie even if he decided to laugh you were okay with that. You finally looked at him and caught that he had already been looking at you but so warmly. So you decide to tease him a little. “Edds?”“Hmm?”“What are you looking at hmm?”“Umm nothing.” You then start walking in his direction “Oh didn’t know I was nothing.” Eddie’s face just starts to burn red “Hey wait Star you ar-” You then walk past him and sit on the sofa “No it’s okay I get it Edd’s.” “Stop that.”“Stop what?”“Teasing…” “Ha, you're cute. But…NO” “Ugh.” You then held up your phone then shook it as a way to change the subject. “Music?”“Star?”“Yes?”“Are you ok?” You play the music anyways before answering “Edds honestly no i’m not. This past month they have been treating me like trash making me feel like I did something wrong. Every Time you tried to cheer me up Steve got mad and fought with you and knocked me back down. Then Nancy would either just stand there or make things worse by adding fuel to the fire as if she enjoyed the fighting. And then tonight I just wanted to forget about them completely and enjoy myself and I was until that. I hate parties and this is just another reason to hate them honestly. Then I made a fool of myself ugh. Why couldn’t they just be honest. Like why couldn’t Steve be like look I'm sorry I still care about you but Nancy and I seem to still have strong feelings for each other and we’d hate to hurt you. But noooo they did the whole sneaking around thing.”“They never deserved someone like you in their lives and karma will kick them in the ass so hard they won't be able to sit for years. I’m sorry they did this to you, they are awful people. Wait, if you hate parties then why’d you invite me to this one?”
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deans-baby-momma · 1 year
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Law & Love Chapter 3
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THEN
Y/N it's not what you think. Please call me (406)321-5879
NOW
I don’t call him when I clock out. I don't call him while I take a cab home. In fact, I don't call him at all. 
I am angry! Angry at myself for letting him in and angry at him for asking me out when he is clearly unavailable. 
I don't know how they do stuff here in Montana but I was raised to be faithful and true.  That's probably why I endured Eric's lack of attention and overlooked his cheating for so long.
Yes, I knew my boyfriend was out fucking anything with a vagina almost weekly. I discovered it when I found a hotel receipt in his pocket. 
I did a little amateur sleuthing and found out that he had used that certain hotel for years. He had an open account with the seedy fleabag accommodations; he paid after the use of their room, usually with cash that I still didn't know where it came from. So, I tolerated his cheating and laziness because that's what I was taught to do. 
But now? Now was different. I am not that same girl I was then. I was aware of the obscenity of the world and knew very few people abided by the 'old ways'.
So, I'm not about to let some philandering womanizer get the best of me. He cannot have his cake and eat it too! 
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It’s been a few days since the sheriff and his girlfriend/wife/whatever had visited the diner and I was ever so grateful. I didn’t want to see his cheating, conniving face at all! Everytime I thought about the audacity he had to ask me out when he was clearly taken, my blood pressure skyrocketed. The nerve of him! The gall to manipulate the situation to his advantage was mind boggling. 
After the lunch rush was over, I set about getting the remaining tables and chairs back into their proper order when the bell rang and someone stepped in. I smile as I see who I know now is a regular at this time of the day, Joey. Joey would come in when the rush was over and keep Deb and I amused with his stories of different things. He seems to be a nice guy who lived alone and simply desired social interaction.
I smile at him as he walks to his usual spot and settles in. Deb writes up his normal order. As I pass by headed to the kitchen, Joey smiles and speaks. “You look nice today, Y/n.”
“Thanks Joey.”
Deb and I listen to Joey as he regales about the time his uncle took him and his cousins fishing at Park Lake Campground, southwest of town.
"So, here we were standing alongside the lake. We could practically see the fish swimming around, waiting for us to throw our lines in. Marco and Luis were baiting their hooks as ole Uncle Paul was sliding the earthworm onto mine.  He didn't trust me not to try to eat the lure." He pauses as Deb and I give him a look of disgust. He laughs and continues.
"Ladies, I was 4 years old okay! I probably would've tried to eat it," he laughs. "Anyway, he gets the hook ready and hands me the pole. I watch my cousins cast their line out into the water so I pull back and throw……hook, line, sinker and pole. It floats on the water for a second before it sinks. Uncle P starts yelling and running toward the water. No one caught anything that day."
The bell over the door rings and a woman walks in with a brown paper bag with handles. There is no writing on the nondescript back. She smiles at us and asks for Y/N. I groan as I realize exactly what that means.
The fucking sheriff has sent me another goddamn gift. I mask my irritation and I step forward with a smile and take the bag.
Inside is a stuffed animal. I pull it out to see it's a gray squirrel holding an acorn in its paws. On the acorn are the words "NUTS FOR YOU".
Yea, he's nuts if he thinks I'm going to keep accepting his little gifts and trinkets. Not when he's a two-timing jerk!
I stuff the stuffed animal back in the bag and take it in the back room, where we keep our personal items.
After my shift, I'm making a pitstop at the Sheriff's office and putting an end to his treacherous ways, once and for all!
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The taxi driver can tell I’m on a mission as soon as I slide into the backseat and utter, “Take me to the sheriff’s office.”
As we pull up outside of Helena P.D. I can see the red truck that I know belongs to the sheriff sitting alongside the other cop cars in the lot. I can’t help but sneer at it as I pay the cabbie and exit the vehicle.
I open the door to the building and am met immediately with the smell of donuts and coffee. I want to laugh at  the plain and simple stereotype of it all but before I can even twitch my lips, I look through and see Sheriff Arlen and his companion through the glass that divides the front of the station with what is apparently his office. They are both smiling and talking and I see him throw his head back and laugh at what she just said.
“Can I help you?” 
I bring my focus back to the front to see the same officer that had come to collect the sheriff and his companion that day at the diner; the day I realized just what a swindler the man in charge is.
“I need to speak to the Sheriff, if you can pull the lovebirds apart,” I jeer. The man looks at me questioningly and goes to open his mouth but evidently Beau has noticed my presence and comes out of the room.
“Y/N?” he calls as he approaches, a smile on his face. What the fuck is he smiling for? Does he not realize I know what a fraud he is?  His ‘whatever she is’ is standing right there behind him, leaning against the door frame of his office. Her arms are crossed over her front and her head is sort of cocked to the side. Does she know who I am? Does she know he asked me out when he is obviously involved with her? Why is she not fuming? Why does she look as if she could care less?
Beau finally gets to the front desk and he nods at the officer who was still standing there. “I got this Popcorn.”
‘Popcorn’ nods and heads back to his desk.
“What’re you doing here?” the Sheriff asks. “Having more troubles?”
I clear my throat and straighten my stance as I pull the brown gift bag from my purse. I reach inside and grab the stuffed animal and remove it. I look at it one more time before I lift it and throw it right in his face. 
“I don’t want your stupid gifts! I don’t want anything to do with you! How dare you try to take advantage of me in my time of need! You’re a fucking asshole and a cheat! Fuck. You!”
I turn to leave but not before I notice the look of confusion on the sheriff’s face.  As I push the door open, I hear his voice. “Y/N! Wait!”
@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss @spnbaby-67 @tftumblin @sea040561 @delightfullykrispypeach @larajadeschmidt13 @atc74 @vicariouslythruspn @squirrelnotsam  @sandlee44 @blacktithe7 @hoboal87 @mogaruke @deanwanddamons @supraveng @deandreamernp @akshi8278 @lyarr24 @kazsrm67 @chriszgirl92 @fanfic-n-tabulous
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yagamisdiary · 2 months
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Hey girlie!!! Happy new years!! Do you have any advice on relationships and communication???
happy new years!
so this is something i definitely struggled with for a LONGGGG time i was the “im upset but im not gonna tell u why” person for yearsssssss (ew btw that shit is NOT cute)
it’s definitely a challenge communicating especially if u feel like ur partner isn’t going to hear u out or take u serious bc it makes u want to open up even less
so with that being said, i definitely think it’s important to find someone who is also going to communicate with u because there’s truly no point in saying how u feel to someone who dgaf
next, put ur pride aside !!!!!!!! this was a big problem for me because i tend to be very prideful at times. i have a lot of feelings and emotions but it takes forever for me to admit someone hurt them even though i make it extremely obvious
ever since i started communicating efficiently in my relationship, things have gotten so much healthier and smoother! once u get over the whole pride thing, it’s so easy
normally what i do is i allow myself some time to be dramatic aka go somewhere private and cry or rant etc ( DO NOT RANT TO FAMILY OR FRIENDS TRUST ME YOU WILL REGRET IT)
once u get all the gooey emotions out, that’s when u communicate with ur partner. i say this because if ur like me, you’re going to say things u don’t mean out of anger and because ur emotions are heightened, it’s better to speak when ur levelheaded
i usually start by just pulling them aside or shooting them a text and saying “hey something happened that bothered me and to avoid being passive aggressive and weird, i wanna talk about it”
HOPEFULLY* ur partner is ready to sit and listen to what happened and it’s important u try to say it all as clearly as possible! don’t try to speak rudely (it’s hard i know) because if u upset the person, they’re more likely to walk away from the conversation and it was pretty much useless
u can say things like “i know u probably didn’t mean it that way but when u said/did this, it made me feel this way.”
if the person immediately gets defensive or angry, you should take that as red flag because they’re probably guilty of whatever it is u caught them doing
an unguilty person will tell u the truth and say “i’m sorry you feel that way but that’s not how it happened” and then they’ll go on to their side of the story
sometimes… their side of the story WILL PISS U OFF especially if it’s contradicting your story but again u just respond calmly and say “i get that but im just telling u how it made ME feel”
if they keep giving u push back, just end the conversation and say let’s just talk later
normally, when the person has some time to think and put themselves in your shoes, they’ll come back later and say “ok i get where you’re coming from now and i would feel the same way; i’m sorry for making u feel that way”
it seems hard to believe because ppl aren’t necessarily built for communicating that easily… SPOILER ALERT!!!! it’s not supposed to be easy! it’s supposed to be hard that’s the whole point!
no one likes to admit they’re wrong, no one likes to admit they got their feelings hurt but in order to grow and get past it, u gotta just rip the bandaid and get it over with
and TRUSTTTTT ME it feels so fucking good afterwards and the two of u will gain so much respect and admiration for eachother and ur relationship will get so much stronger everytime because each time u two get upset, you’ll be able to communicate it much easier since u got it over with
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my-misplaced-stew · 2 years
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Sweet dreams
A Tommy Coolatta x reader! My first Hlvrai fanfic and I'm not super proud of it but eh idc
TW: None
You wanted to sleep so badly. Everytime you closed your eyes the ending fight with Benrey kept playing in your mind. You could practically feel the colorful yet fizzy bubbles wrap around you and encasing you in a horrifying cocoon. Watching the undead dance around you was enough to scar you for life. As if watching your coworkers get slaughtered by the military and aliens didn't.  But watching the person you thought was with you guys to help turn out to be the thing keeping you from leaving hit you harder than it should have. It didn't need to be that deep. You guys defeated him in the end and went to Chuck E Cheese's to celebrate Tommy's birthday.
You should be fine now, laying in bed a few weeks later in a spare room that Tommy let you use. You should be back to normal and looking for a job so you could at least help pay rent. But you weren't. Accepting you couldn't sleep you sat up and felt all your bones creak. Even after all your wounds healed you could feel the invisible scars underneath your skin. You looked around the darkness honestly expecting something to pop out of the shadow and get you. Nothing came. The silence only added to your paranoia, so you decided to get a cup of water to help calm your nerves.
Everytime the floor boards creaked underneath your weight you cringed. You just hoped you didn't wake up Tommy. What kind of house guest would rudely wake up their host? Then again what kind of house guest lives in the host's house without helping with the bills. You were to focused on not waking up Tommy you ended up accidentally bumping into him with a glass of water himself. Shrieking like a banshee you asked him what he was doing up. "Well I heard you tossing and turning so I, uh, wanted to see what was wrong," he looked down at you with kind eyes. He was to sweet for his own good. "Thank you Tommy, I really appreciate it. And no need to worry, I just couldn't sleep," you reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a smile. "Were you thinking of Black Mesa again?" the question caught you off guard. You stuttered trying to come up with an excuse or dismiss it, but you quickly gave up and gave a small nod.
You heard a sigh before you felt a hand on your upper arm. You looked up at him and seen a sad smile. He lead you back to your room, placing the glass of water on your nightstand. He sat down and patted to the space next to him, signaling for you to sit next to him. You couldn't fight the urge to be comforted so you sat next to him. Leaning against him you sighed and slowly explained that you still felt the survivor's guilt that came after escaping Black Mesa, "I wanted to save them. I really did. But I had to save myself." Tommy listened, never looking away or getting distracted. The feeling of your tears pricked your eyes threatening to spill. You tried to blink them away only for them to betray you. "I'm sorry, I should just go to bed," you sniffled wiping away your tears. "There's nothing to be sorry for. It's alright to cry." Tommy gave you a side hug, gently rubbing small circles on your arm.
You couldn't fight your sadness anymore. You hugged him back, nesting your face in his chest, and sobbing. He rubbed slow circles on your back and whispered sweet reassuring things. "Y-you know, when Sunkist was kidnapped and trapped in a circle of turrets, I was terrified. Even thought I made her immortal, I still thought she was going to die." You put a pause on your sobs, looking up at the tall man comforting you. A look of sadness was on his face. You knew that Tommy had to deal with some demons as well but you never knew about that. Why did this ray of sunshine have to deal with all of that? "I'm so sorry Tommy, none of that should have ever happen," you pulled away from his hug so you could hold his face. He looked tired.
You remembered that is was in the middle of the night and that you were also tired. "It's getting late, w-we should probably get back to bed," he held your wrists and pulled them away from his face. Despite you telling yourself to stop him you just sat there watching him walk out. "Wait," you snapped out of your fight with your mind, "Umm." Now you were embarrassed just thinking of your request. Tommy looked confused. "Can you umm... Stay? I don't feel comfortable sleeping alone tonight." Oh god you could feel your face heat up. This was a dumb decision you should have just toughed it out and- Your thoughts were interrupted when Tommy hugged you. It was a weird hug considering you were still sitting down and he was standing. The force from the hug knocked you down, causing you to accidentally drag him down with you. Honestly the pressure of him being on top of you was really comforting.
He climbed off of you trying to avoid knee-ing your face. It was honestly pretty humorous. You scrambled to find a comfortable position while Tommy pulled the blanket out from under the both of you. After a few minutes of struggling, you were finally laying down comfortably. That was a lie. It was difficult trying not to touch Tommy and make him uncomfortable. The bed was obviously made for one person, and trying to fit a 6'5 man on it as well as you was more than a challenge. Tommy didn't really seem to care, he was already asleep. You decided to just suck it up and sleep. Turning to fact the opposite way you tried your best to sleep. Which was surprisingly easy.
---cheesy timeskip cuz I cant think of what to write---
You awoke from something. You weren't sure what woke you up but that wasnt on your mind. What caught your attention immediately was the fact Tommy was snuggled into your back with his arms wrapped around you. Ok you were tired and your brain was fried so maybe it was that but you decided to turn around to face him. He looked so content sleeping. He was super warm too. Almost like a space heater. You felt him pull you closer. This man was not letting you escape his sleepy grasp. Might as well accept and embrace it. You wrapped an arm around him, hugging him lightly and fell back asleep.
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ellethesmallcell · 1 year
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The Decision
okay so we're starting off with warnings: tw with parents stuff, divorcing, (some) depression, this is like filled with so much angst its not even funny, lmk if i missed anything else
word count: 1.1K
this is like my first time so... anyways, VAMOS-
Waking up in the middle of the night became a frequent occasion; a sense of normalcy coming with it now, everytime I awoke in a cold sweat. Arising slowly, I crackled up out of my bed to use the bathroom. I think by the third time my body did this act of thievery, I accepted that I wouldn’t be getting any more sleep. Walking to the bathroom was always the part I hated, not necessarily the stirring part. It included mentally trying to block out the yelling and fighting downstairs. My dad had probably gone out to the karaoke bar again, or went out with a woman. They think I can't hear or understand the words they use, because they’re in our native language, but loud language and obscenities can be recognised in any dialect. Either way, i didn’t care. Not really.
The cold tiles on the soles of my feet grounded me from the nauseous feeling that was bubbling in my stomach. After hearing these fights almost every day for two and a half years, you would think that any normal person would get used to it. I think I did, but it still makes me sick to my stomach knowing that my father - the man who raised me and played along with my many imaginary friends - is now in this damaged, deranged situation with my mother. It’s quite perplexing when you think about it; how the child might be feeling the most pain. How she might be breaking inside watching her two favourite people rip themselves apart with so much hate and fervour. But that’s just it. No one thinks of the child.
My parents’ fighting started two and a half years ago, beginning with small, meaningless squabbles which then later progressed to name calling and slaps thrown around like germs. When I was younger I didn’t understand what was happening; why did it have to be my parents, why not anyone else’s? Some nights, I would cry myself to sleep, or sometimes I would wake up crying, the petrification of the dream I just had frightening eleven-year-old me straight into big fat tears. The crying moderately stopped, and so did the nightmares. Now being freshly fourteen years old, the anxiety caught up with me, and I started having belligerent sleeping issues. This was aggravatingly annoying at first, but I got used to it after some time, and now it was just an event in my calendar that inconveniently happened everyday.
Coming down for family breakfast was always the most grim part of my day. It consisted of my parents and I sitting at a wooden table for 30 minutes, both of them being consumed in their own separate personal device. In short, it was the worst part of my day, overall. After this usually came the rushing out of the house for school, muttering an incoherent excuse about how I was late to school so I didn’t have to stay in that hell any longer. Then was the blissful silence that came with walking to school on my own. No loud, slightly muffled profanities being passed around back and forth. No loud striking sounds that resonate through the walls of the household. Just euphoric silence. And that was the best part to my day.
Arriving at my front door, I ventured in, readying myself for whatever disarray was unfurling beyond my door. But I found nothing. Silence. Not the blissful kind, though. The eerie, panic-inducing kind. The only sound mildly interrupting the silence was the pitter-pattering of my mother’s feet on the floor. Once, I saw her weave in and out of the kitchen poles, busying herself with what was some form of cooking, telling by the smell wafting from the kitchen.
“Nabi” she spoke, stupefying me for a slight second. “Go and wait on the couch. Me and your father need to talk to you.”
The hairs on the backs of my arms stood up at the choice of my mother’s words. They never agreed. Her and my dad, I mean. It was always a disagreement or an argument, or an ignorance to the sentence overall. But never an agreement. So, it scared me. This had to be important for them to come to a civilised agreement.
Sitting and waiting for what felt like hours was torturous. Waiting for my parents to sit down and talk to me. I felt young again. Ten-year-old me being sat down to have ‘the talk’. That was when everything was fine. But it isn’t now, and I just have to accept that.
“Hey, Nabi” my dad said, almost carefully. “Your mother and I have come to a decision that we are going to… well. We’re going to have a divorce.”
After that, my memories just stopped. Like a black out. I don't have any recollection of anything that happened after that. A guess is that I started crying, or maybe I went into a hysterical fit of giggles, to block out what was happening. When my memory checked back in, I remember feeling like I was drowning. A sufferance of dense, concentrated air moving in and out of my lungs. I was ironically in a park, having a full blown anxiety attack. Piece together the jigsaw puzzle and you can identify that I ran away. The emotion that I seemed to be feeling the most was a sense of denial. Denial that my father’s words couldn’t be true, and denial that I was going to go through this all on my own. I thought that this was a ruse, or a terrible prank. But it wasn’t. It was real, and it was happening. This was the end, and there were no more arguments to be had, and no one could object.
A week and three days later, I had to come to the devastating decision of choosing a parent to live with. This was a disastrous decision because of the simple fact that if you picked one over the other, the other’s heart would plainly be broken. There were multiple reasons why I could, should or would choose each parent, but the biggest reason for me was the dreadful infidelity that my father performed against my mother, and I simply couldn’t live with that. But would I be prepared to lose the man that taught me so much, guided me through the loss of my many pets, trained me in my moral values, and of course who taught me that being alone was actually not that bad. I wasn’t. But I had to be strong and make that choice on my own. There was no one here to comfort me through this, so I had to do it myself. And so, I made the choice and was practical. 
I chose to live with my mother.
@robyn-core
okay so this was my first thing ive published, and im excited for it so yay!
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stahfakz · 10 months
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1/6/23 JKSUU zc jdkal
So I was having a rough day yesterday, like really rough, started emotionally reacting to things that just drove me wild, and to top it off, I had feelings morgan didnt care about me any more, due to the way he completely silenced himself in the team chat when I appeared, however always comments on rachels posts.
Like feel like epically ignored. I had already consulted psychics, and got a msg back from one saying that while they feel attracted they dont want to pursue a relationship with you at this time blah blah blah. I was fucking devostated, hardly got any sleep, woke up to the other psychic saying essentially the same thing>
 Absolut shit fuck of a day...anyway just so I could make myself feel like utter shit, i did a whole bunch of tarot readings on myself, which all said the same thing, even going so far as to emotionally distance myself from him, which wasnt good, but I need peace or space in my brain, so royally fucked myself up.
Went and had a bath, decided to work on an old FB group admin haha, and make a cup of tea, to try remove thoughts of him...going through member requests I see his name as part of someones name and its like, holy fuck univers, when will this ever end....its like everytime I see his name, I go wild with desire for him. And at the same time, brings up so many feelings like why can’t I have him, why is this not fair, why the fuck would you do this to me universe, when Im trying to forget him. Its so painful, to know that in all honesty, he gives no fucks and I should forget, to then be bombarded with his name everyhwere is several piles of pain and Im crying again and i cant handle it any longer.
The fire is so intense! Thoughts of us together consume me!
Am I living in some fantasy illusion world where I think for one moment i could be blessed to kiss his sweet lips, to stare at him for hours without being judged, to kiss him deeply. To have him touch me, cradle me in his arms, kiss the top of my head, god I long for him. In a way I’ve never felt about someone in my life! 
Why. Why must the universe do this to me?!! _____________
Trying to spend some time not thinking of you, then your name appears randomly and it makes me think of you again and flames start burning wildly with desire for you! The fire is so intense! Thoughts of us together consume me! Am I living in some fantasy illusion world where I think for one moment i could be blessed to kiss his sweet lips, to stare at him for hours without being judged, to kiss him deeply. To have him touch me, cradle me in his arms, kiss the top of my head, god I long for him. In a way I’ve never felt about someone in my life! The way we say the same tings at the same times, the way our friends catergorises us together, they way you laugh loudly at my jokes. The way I catch you staring at me sometimes with such intensity, the way I've caught myself staring at you. The way you stared at me longer than normal, catches my heart in my chest and DRIVES ME WILD so much that my immediate desire is to run up to you, jump into your arms and kiss you hard.
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destinykid · 2 years
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i think what people failed to realize, what you failed to realize or maybe what i failed to express was that i never ever really wanted you out of my life at all. yeah i told you i got so tired of it all and thats true, but if that was the only reason for me to let go then i wouldve done so earlier. i loved you so hard it hurt, even now it hurts, seeing you reminds me how much i loved you and how much i tried for you. but the thing is, you were never happy with me no matter how much i fucking tried, no matter how much i squeezed out of myself for you, but it was never enough.
i truly believed that the best thing i had to do was to let you go, i was so convinced that it was the right thing to do. in my head ran through so many scenarios. scenarios of how we would fix our problems, scenarios of how i would change to deal with our problems, fuck even fucking now i still think of how we couldve made things work, how i couldve made you happy, how i could help you with your problems, but nothing. every scenario ended up with both of us being unhappy.
believe me bea, i tried, i tried so fucking hard for you i went crazy. i keep thinking that maybe its just a compatibility issue, that we just dont fit that well. but why do i keep blaming myself for everything. you were so unhappy with me. its as if all i did for you to stack up more of your trauma. "awang awa na ako sa sarili ko sa relationship nato" those words fucking cut through my heart you know, because even after all the effort and investment i did for you thats how you felt.
but hey i know, i did a really shitty job of being your boyfriend i really know that. i hurt you. i screwed up a lot. maybe its time i held accountability for the things i did to you. im sorry we started dating when i had unfinished business with my ex. im sorry i had sex with her when we started going out. im sorry it took so long to tell you about all that and the message thing on our first valentines. im sorry i couldnt stop smoking for you. im sorry about all the times that i was insensitive. im sorry if it always seemed that i chose my ex over you. im sorry i had you caught up in drama with my friends because of my ex. there's so much to say sorry for i dont remember everything hahaha im sorry. im sorry the time i told you that i cant live my life normally anymore because of you. im sorry cause i made you feel like i loved you out of convenience. theres just really so much to say sorry for hahaha god were you tired of me saying sorry huh hahaha.
anyways all of this doesnt matter anymore right now. you're moving on. im moving on. well im trying hahahaha but everytime i see you its as if i dont want to move on at all. sometimes id see myself just thinking i dont think ill ever move on from you. god knows how much i fucking miss you and want you back in my life. but its sad, even now im still screwing up hahaha, and with all the fuckery ive been up to, id rather see me in hell than face you right now.
i love you though, i still really do, i at least really want you to know na i still care for you so much.
i kept telling myself that this pandemic was my lowest point in life, i mean theres truth in that, but this life without you is something im scared ill never ever get used to. this is my newest lowest point, and im still facing it.
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mpyjgm · 2 years
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Nimbasa Core ✧
hope u enjoy this sunny this was painful. <3
oc; do not repost or steal. this is intended for one person.©
When I met Cinders, she was as dedicated to the Octarians as everyone else and I were. She was firm and proper, as we all had to be. But on the day we met, she showed me how sweet she could really be. She held my budding hand when we awaited our turn to be called for our first time training for combat, I was terrified. I was 5 and she was 6, we played around as much as we could in that type of environment. We were told off so many times just to look at each other, laugh about it and do it again. But she changed one day, I still don't know why.
As our bodies grew, so did her laziness. She refused to do any work or training, urging me to sneak off with her or ask me to take her place. I never verbally questioned it, the few times I did I was met with a "playful" shove, as she called it. I was okay with doing extra work, I was actually quite fond of chores. I met Nakime then and she helped me with the extra work I did, keeping my spirits up when things got particularly difficult with Cinders. I selfishly wish she has been there when it happened. I feel I made a huge mistake letting her have her way all the time, as she tried it with me.
I was 14 and she was 15. But that solider, he was 19.
Everything burned, ached. Everytime I closed my thighs they stabbed right into one another, my cartilage torn in my chest from his strong hands pushing on it, I could still feel the pathetic, dried up tears on my face. The worst of it all was when she gave me a familiar, warm smile at the canteen. I don't know how I did it, but I blinked, the next thing I knew she was on the floor, trying to pick herself up off the ground. To my surprise a little spot of her blood made it's appearence on the ground; Octarians are not as fragile as our racial enemy, we don't bruise or hurt easily. Even as I was being taken away to be put into solitary confinement, I could see her silently writhing in anger with the same sweet smile she gave me years ago.
I quickly forced myself to forget anything happened, and life returned to the normal patrols at night, taking on her workload and trying our best not to get caught fighting over the last packet of dried crushed tuna. Now that I think about it, it was quite silly and a bit fun squabbling. I wouldn't really be writing in this notebook you provided me if things stopped there.
I remember it very vividly, no matter how much I tried I could not forget it. She, Nakime and I were out on patrol, guarding these little yellowfish encased inside a clear barrier. It was quite boring, nothing really ever happened during a patrol, so I decided to snack a bit on our rations and sit for a bit. No warning came to us when a dark shadow cast itself above us, making an impressive roll towards the small fish. I almost choked on my bread, as funny as that sounds (I know you'd find it silly so I added that little detail!). We hurried over to the unknown force to take it down, but a flash of green stopped me in my tracks, gunning me down. A shot of their grimy coloured ink went through my stomach, knocking me to the ground almost instantly. My own blood has temporarily blinded me in my right eye as it splattered into it. I tried to call out for her to help me when the perpetrator sent another shot at me. Their hood flew off as they slid on the ground to dodge a shot I attempted to shoot. Pale skin and yellow eyes on a soft looking face, they bore into my own with more hatred than I have ever felt. My heart sped up it's race as the ink tore through my chest armour. Another shot would burst through my ink sac. I had to accept that I was going to die, I was going to force her to watch me die. Maybe she'd care about me then if that had happened, a little part of me yearned for that sweet release from the memories that flooded back in the seconds that seemed like hours.
But I digress, she's always been a coward.
She disappeared past the concrete wall, leaving me a heavy heart and about to die. The person already dealt with Nakime as I watched her body explode into a pink gush mixed with her blood. I yelled out for them both. It seemed to be the end of the road for me, I knew it would not matter much as there's plenty of Octarians willing to multiply for more soldiers. As I fell from my knees to my side, I closed my eyes and welcomed whatever was waiting for me on the other side.
It never came, and I'm happy that afterlife abandoned me too.
I woke up one of the infirmaries, her sleeping form sat on a dingy chair next to me. It was not worth letting my anger and frustration to boil inside right then. I examined my injuries. The severity scared me, I surely was to be culled for being so disfigured. It hurt so much to breathe. I don't remember much after that, but I remember recovering enough to do simple patrols around the platoon I was stationed at.
I did not talk to Cinders as much as before, ignoring her or hitting her away when she tried to touch me. I could tell how angry she was but I was at my limit. Nobody knew where Nakime was as she didn't respawn in base, I could only assume the worse. I missed her dearly. She and I, on long, sleepless nights when I could sneak off to her bunk, would discuss ways to escape to the world above us. We found a floppy book that showed off strange clothing items our enemy wore. We did everything we could to preserve it and keep it hidden, looking at it at night with the moon shining our way for us. We craved to go up above to see what it is like, possibly even escape this life. But now, she's gone.
I wanted to finish what we started in memory of my Nakime. I waited until the right moment, being a night patrolman had it's perks. I kept my gun with me just in case. Climbing through the large pillars and towers, I climbed to the roof of the environmental screens, pushing through it and creating a hole to climb out of. Foul-smelling water flooded towards me but I had to keep going. I climbed through what seemed like endless tunnels, I became incredibly hopeless. I was uncomfortable, hungry, thirsty and tired. I had to slow my heartbeat in order to preserve what little heat I produced when I rested.
I cried when I saw a cap above me, little holes of incoming sunlight begging me to come towards it. I waded through the musky water and pushed the metal open, hissing at how much that sunlight burned, although I still welcomed it as it wasn't artificial.
That is when I met you, and that is where my freedom started; from when I made eye contact with you for the first time.
Writing down my experiences really did make me feel better, though I'm very tired. I'm sorry I decided to do this at 3 am, my brain started going! I hope you forgive me!
When you read this I hope it does not harm you in anyway. I want you to understand. Thank you for this notebook, and goodnight finally. <3
- Dallas
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jiminrings · 2 years
Note
I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS DROPPING TODAYYYYY i cried when jungkook cried …… I felt…. Bad….. 😵‍💫 the jungkook im reading right now compared to the jungkook i read when it was just kind of their backstory and how simply he loves is so different 😭😭 is it different because of the circumstances? or is it the same we’re just seeing him under a microscope ? both maybe ? also i did end up doing the breathing everytime i read it it does absolutely calm me down even when i was crying because jungkook was crying 🙏 SORA WAS HAPPY IM SO HAPPY SHE WAS HAPPY AND NOT LIKE SUPER ANNOYING ABT IT 😭😭🙌🙌 their little talk when oc went to get her ring and her other things was so lovely to see and honestly i think u r so talented in the way that u can make ur readers hate a character one second and be in love with them the next because that’s truly what’s happening with jungkook i can’t not love him when he was making homemade meals man my jaw dropped when i read that ☹️☹️☹️☹️ also don’t know why but jimin being like kind of best buddies with jungkook for a split second ( not rlly ) made me love him so much i think his character is so cute 🌟🌟 finding out yoongi was actually gonna go through with it was such a shock especially a day after jungkook was gonna was SOOOOOO like omg idk i didn’t expect him to ever think of going through with it i thought he was only ever gonna love her from afar. AND OMG WHEN HE SAID GOOD WORK I THOUGHT HM WHAT IF IT WAS EUNWOO LOL AS IN LOL THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN HANNAH I CANT BELIEVE U that was so crazy i can’t wait to see if jungkook ever finds out if sora’s gonna get involved and stuff god i love drama 🙏 when jungkook was sobbing about the article THATS when i cried i didn’t even realize i was crying til i couldn’t read bc my eyes were so watery i caught myself making my eyes rlly big 😭 the shop scene was rlly such a nice ending to this chapter because seeing them together even if it was partially (because i know they miss each other especially jungkook when he kissed her cheek) pretend for her parents it still made me feel so nice and warm and it felt so normal for a second 🌟 i wonder if jungkook and her r ever gonna talk abt the yoongi thing as in yoongis almost confession and the dating scandal all of it im so scared but excited ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 i rlly do love this series with all of my heart and i wish my asks could be more organized maybe i will start doing bullet points bc it’s honestly hard for Me to read back but thank u so much for writing and sharing it with us !!!! - 🌟
very sorry for making u Feel Bad but ur right ur right the jungkook of chapter 2 is lightyears away from the jungkook of chapter one!!! u also did the breathing exercises omg stop i will kiss u on ur cerebrum 💔💔 this is a wildcard opinion idk everyone will agree on but speaking for the next update, i think sora will be lovable !!!!! thank u thank u for the kind words ur one of my favorites omg i try to spot u everytime whenever i post fics :(( i will always try to fit the bff jimin agenda wherever until the day i die <3 u could imagine that jungkook was just FLOORED knowing that yoongi was so close to becoming oc’s :// that scene is a collective heartbreaker seeing all the asks regarding it </3 the shop scene made my heart n pussae jump a tiny little bc look at them!!! kissing each other’s cheeks wow!!!!! we will see what they r gonna do abt the yoongi situation in chapter 3 😼😼 i love ur asks whether organized or unorganized THANK YEWWWWW FOR BEING HERE
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dtaegis · 3 years
Text
be honest if i left again for like, 2 weeks or something, would you miss me talking endless about dochero
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sparklingchim · 3 years
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fiery mornings; m | pjm
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pairing: jimin × reader
word count: 3k
genre: smut, fluff, established relationship, idol!jimin
warnings: swearing, fingering, protected sex, some breast play
summary: waking up with jimin, but add a little spice to it 🌶
a/n: hello lovely people! i didn't proof read this because it's almost midnight for me now and i'm really tired but luckily tomorrow is saturday 😴 i hope you like it! and have a good morning, day, evening or night❤ i'm heading to bed now💤
masterlist
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The sun peeking through the curtains and encasing the room with crumbs of light is what wakes you up.
These stupid blinds - that you hated as soon as you slept over at Jimin's place for the first time - were not doing their job properly. The sun overflowing his room every damn morning woke up everytime. You'd like to get more sleep because - let's not lie - Jimin and you don't go to sleep very early with both your needy and touchy hands when you lay in bed at night time. However, Jimin didn't care about your aversion against the blinds - he wasn't the one waking up due to them though... - and said something about them looking cozy and domestic.
You really tried to erase the thought of just ripping them down and buying him some new ones that don't let any sunlight shine so annoyingly in the room, but you hold back. But it's really tempting...
You stretch your arm to the nightstand, tapping on your phone to see what time it is. 7 am? Oh, how bad you want to rip these blinds off.
Nonetheless, the warmness of the sheets that you're both tucked under and Jimin's body radiating a comforting glow around you makes you stay in bed.
Jimin's arm is loosely wrapped around your stomach, his body pressed against you from the back. You glance back at him, his nose pressed against your spine and eyes still closed. Your heart softens at that doting sight, seeing him innocently sleeping. No worries in his mind, but only disguising his features in a tranquil state. Jimin is finally able to gett as much rest as he wants and needs after coming home from the tour.
You push some strands of his hair that are falling into his face away. The need to place kisses all over his puffy adorable face looms inside you, but you stop yourself from doing that, so you don't ruin his peaceful slumber that he's currently in.
Instead you could prepare some breakfast for him, so when he decides do wake up he has a delicious meal prepared for him. You think of some dishes that you could cook even though just staying in bed with him felt more enticing which also leads you to grab your phone despite your original plan to get up and start cooking breakfast. But there was no need to rush, Jimin won't wake up for approximately three more hours.
As you take your phone from the night stander you suddenly feel Jimin's grip on your stomach tighten. He lets out some displeased grunts, like a little child not pleased with something. You softly smile, rubbing soothing strokes with your thumb on his arm that's wrapped around you. Jimin nuzzles his face deeper into your back, sighing out in satisfaction.
God, he is so adorable.
You occupy yourself with your phone, checking social media and maybe salivating at some pictures from Jimin that you come across.
20 minutes pass, before you decide that it's time to start the day and prepare some breakfast for your boyfriend who still snoozes behind you, gaining all of his energy back after working so hard for months.
But then you feel something.
Eyebrows scrunched together, you try to make out what could possibly be poking you in this cuddly bed.
Oh.
Only spending a second on looking out for an answer to your oblivious question, you find the possible solution for that.
Jimin early-glory made it's appearance by being pressed against your butt, letting you feel his hard muscle.
Yeah, it was definitely about time to get up.
But when you prop myself up on your elbow, still laying on your side, you hear a muffled complaining sound behind you. To emphasize his need, Jimin's hold tightens on your belly again, just like he did before, though this time you actually attempted to leave the bed.
You squeeze his arm lightly to beguile him into letting you go. ,,I'm gonna make us breakfast, Minnie," you say whispering, tilting your head sideways, so you're able to look at Jimin. His eyes remain close, only parting is plump lips to mutter a little 'no'. You sigh out, head falling back onto the pillow. ,,It's not gonna take long," you try to convince him, even though the dishes you plan to cook would take a bit longer than normally.
,,Stay with me." Jimin's hoarse and raspy voice uttering its first full sentence this morning.
Then you seek to wiggle yourself out of his embrace, but it's pointless, because letting you go isn't even up for a debate in Jimin's mind.
,,Then there's no breakfast for you," you utter in defeat. Jimin doesn't answer, suddenly placing soft kisses over the crook of your neck. His sudden sweet kisses cause goose bumps spread all over your body, the tingling feeling automatically relaxing you, although laying in bed with Jimin is already so calming.
,,I'm only hungry for you right now," he says. Your cheeks flush at that cheesy comment, but luckily he can't see your reaction towards his words, knowing he would be smirking and teasing the shit out of you. Jimins usual cute and endearing way of waking up is vanished and instead he pulled out his charms to make you melt for him.
Jimins hand traces over your clothed stomach, heading down to you leg to stroke his fingers up to your thigh, pushing his shirt that you're wearing slightly up. His feather light touch induces shivers down your spine. The accentuating tension effects your whole composure, evoking you into pushing your ass back onto his bulge which results in Jimins body stiffening behind you. The impetuous act caught him off guard, but he relishes in the satisfying friction, coaxing him into the blissful thrill he was all too familiar with.
,,You want this?" Jimins tone was low, turning you on even more.
,,Yes, please," you beg, grinding your ass on his hard length. You both breath heavily, the pleasure building in a fast pace.
Soon your pussy burns in need, desiring to be filled with his huge cock. Your movements of his dick gliding through your clothes pussy makes your wetter by the seconds. It doesn't require much till Jimin has enough of the teasing rubbing and shoves the comforter away from your bodies.
,,I love you," Jimin murmurs, placing little kisses over your neck once again. He gently sucks at your skin, only for a brief moment though, not wanting to cause a mark on your flesh before he darts his tongue out and licks over the slightly flush skin.
,,I love you too," you reply breathless. You don't stop your ministrations. You can't desist when the sensation of his cock was getting you so riled up, brewing you into so much pleasure. Last night you were sceptical when Jimin didn't put on any clothes after your little rendezvous, but it really had its perks having him naked behind you.
Jimin hand wanders further, fingers toying with the side of your panty. Once his fingers get a hold of the thin material, he pushes them down in a swift motion. You help him to get the panties completely off and toss them away with your feet. Jimins hand lifts your leg up a bit, his hand hovering over your warmth, but not attempting to do anything yet. You fuss beneath him, craving his touch.
,,Are you sore from last night?"
,,No." You are. But not too much and your mind is too clogged up with the anticipation that builds for the pleasurable feeling Jimin is able to give you.
,,You're sure?"
,,Yeah, please touch me."
At your wish Jimins finger rubs up and down over your slit, coating his finger with my arousal. A little moan escapes your mouth. You enjoy the feeling of his digit touching your slick folds, gathering all your juices. When you feel his thumb circling your swollen sensitive bud, your legs tremble and you sink your teeth into your bottom lip. Jimins index finger makes it way into your entrance. Your aching walls immediately clench around it, acting as needy as ever.
,,Shit," Jimin curses under his breath. ,,You're always so ready for me, baby." How could you not when a men like that was laying next to you in bed?
You let out a strangled moan when he plunges another finger inside you, his pace slow but steady. Jimin crooks his fingers, hitting that lovely spot every time he shoves his fingers back inside your quivering hole.
,,Just like that," you pant, your hand gripping his arm between your legs. Jimins fingers pick up on speed, your moaning spurring him on.
It doesn't take a lot of time till he gets you at that certain point, the familiar knot in your stomach growing quickly. Your body chases after your high, but you desperately want to cum on his cock, so you squeeze his arm gently and Jimin slows his pace.
,,I- I want to cum on your cock," you manage to say and he stops moving his fingers, withdrawing them after. Your body instantly misses the penetration and you whine at the loss of contact.
,,Shh, I'm gonna give it to you, baby," he soothes you, propping himself on his arm to slightly hover over you. You shift your head to see his awaken state for the first time that morning.
Jimins hair hangs into his forehead again, a tired but sincere smile on his face and his eyes puffy from his sleep. A smile immediately appears on your lips at when you look into his loving eyes, his whole being radiating so much comfort and contentment.
With Jimin you felt like it was you final destination. There was nothing else in this world that could give you more than what he was capable of giving you. Nothing in this world could compare to Jimins love. His love was tightly swathed around you and never vanished since the day you both knew that the tension between you was more than just a friendship. No day would pass in which he wouldn't jostle all his adoration to you and show you how much you meant to him. Jimin could never get tired of showering you in all the devotion he has allocated for you, he loved you after all.
You lace your fingers through his soft hair and for a few seconds it stays like that, pushed back on his head, but then it falls down onto his forehead again. Jimin stays still and watches how you play with his hair, until he can't prolong his desperate need to get some friction on his throbbing cock.
,,Can your grab a condom?" he asks and pecks your forehead briefly. You nod and quickly turn to the nightstand on your side, fishing a condom out of the drawer. You hand it to him and rips the package, doing fast work in wrapping the plastic around his member and tossing the useless package somewhere behind his back.
Jimin preps a few kisses on your jawline, making his way to your lips and every so gently capturing your mouth into a tender kiss. You share a passionate and slow kiss together, savouring the moment of being together again after being apart for months. He dips his tongue in, both of your wet muscles tangling tighter.
When you both need to break the kiss, Jimin doesn't intend to go for another, but raises your leg higher and alignes the tip of his cock on your entrance.
,,Oh my God," you breath out.
Jimin slides his cock up and down your folds, gathering your arousal before he's back on your entrance, slowly pushing in. He breathes heavily, your tight walls latching onto his cock so securely. The more his thick length sinks inside your needy warmth, the presence of the soreness from yesterday night makes itself perceptible. Jimin stretches your walls till he's completely buried inside of you. He stills once he's balls deep in, giving you time to adjust to his size.
,,You're good, baby?" he makes sure, looking you in the eyes. You nod slowly, the feeling of his dick being completely in making it hard to let out any words.
When there's still no attempt of moving from Jimin, you tap his arm that has a hold of your leg in the air. ,,Go on please," you whisper, needing to feel his deep thrusts.
After he hears your wish, desperation lingering in your voice, Jimin bottoms out till only his tip is left inside, but quickly pushes back again. The longing feeling finally getting stilled with his tangy thrusts. Jimin continues his movements, his hips snapping faster and faster from behind you and you just feels so good.
,,Lift your leg for me," he instructs, before leaving his hold on your leg to slide his fingers under your - well, technically his- shirt and palms your breast. Jimin pinches and rolls your nipples between his digits, coaxing louder moans out of you. He furrows his eyebrows, you sweet tones prodding him more on. He relishes in the fact that he is the one making you feel this way, making you moan so sweetly for his hear only. Jimin lets out breathy moans, his pace rapid and hard.
Your hand wanders around his neck, tucking at his hair and he answers with soft groans. Then you push the back of his head closer to yours, pressing your lips against his plush ones and kissing him hungrily. You feel yourself getting closer, you're body reaching your high in a short span of time. Of course Jimin feels it, your walls clenching around his member and greedily wanting to milk him are way too obvious. You retract from the kiss, shutting your eyes close when all the sensations overcome you. Jimin lets go of your breast to nestle his hand between your thighs and soon you feel his thumb circling on your clit.
,,Cream all over me," Jimin murmurs.
The added pleasure on your sensitive bud makes you mewl, biting your lip really hard.
The slick sounds of your pussy getting hammered by Jimins cock and his skin slapping against yours fill the room. Combined with your moans and his breathy sound, makes you so much hornier and all you want to do is to cum around his big cock.
,,I'm- I'm gonna cum!" you warn him, the knot in your stomach getting so close to finally snap.
,,Me too," he pants, his thrusts going faster.
Jimins length kisses your cervix every time his hips shoot back into you. ,,Shit, look at me."
Your head instantly tilts to him, meeting his eyes that were already locked on your face. Your eyebrows knit together, the sharp thrusts of his body making you so close to reach your end. Jimin sinks his teeth into his plump bottom lip, never breaking the intense eye contact with you. Fuck, he looked so hot and stunning.
After a few more hard and deep thrusts, your climax approaches and your hand wanders to his shoulder, digging your nails into his skin. Your legs start to tremble and his hand that was playing with your clit, leaves the wet place to hold your leg up when you have trouble keeping it high because of all the  sensations shooting in your body.
,,Jimin!" you cry, heavy pants following.
It doesn't take long for him to come undone too - only a few thrusts later he spills his cum into the condom, making you feel the way he twitches your quivering hole. Jimin groans loud and nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, letting go of holding my leg up. And just like that you both lay there - breathing heavily, bodies fully spent and coming down from your high.
Jimins hand wander to your face, cupping your cheek and rubbing soothing strokes with his thumb on your flush skin. He plants a few kisses on your neck, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Your body tingles, his breath fanning over your skin creating goose bumps over it.
Ever so slowly he bottoms his now softened length out of your walls, your sensitiveness causing you to shiver.
,,It's okay baby, I've got you," he coos, giving your cheek a peck.
You turn around, now laying on your back and looking into his brown orbs. They have this beautiful glisten in them, making me feel like I'm safe when I'm with him. His eyes are full of love. And he could say the same to you.
You both exchange some more smooches here and there, being all cuddly and acting like you didn't already say I love you for a hundred of times in the past already. Your heart flutters every time he says something sweet, grazes his fingers over your skin or plasters sweet kisses all over you.
After some time Jimin stands up, discarding the condom in a bin and throws some boxers on. Then he grabs tissues and comes back to the bed, digging his knee on the mattress and spreading your legs. He tugs your shirt up to clean you and when Jimin is done with that  he pushes the white fabric down again.
,,I'm definitely not gonna prepare breakfast now," you say when he turns around to get rid of the dirty tissue.
,,I can do it," Jimin answers, turning to you again. His abs were on full display and you can't prevent yourself from looking at his firm chest before looking into his eyes again.
,,Mhm, you can?" you cock an eyebrow.
,,You don't think I'm able to make the same breakfast as you?" he asks back.
,,Of course I think you can to it, babyy," you  tease him and giggle after he furrows his eyebrows, an angry pout displayed on his lips.
,,I'm gonna show you," he says competitively and leaves the room, making his way to the kitchen.
And yes, he did indeed show you.
In fact, he showed you the burned rice he attempted to cook.
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starlessea · 3 years
Text
Doctor’s Orders (Daryl Dixon/Reader)
Prompt: “Why’d you always have to spoil my fun?” and “You nearly died!” Requested by anonymous​, numbers #6 and #16 from this post.
Summary: Daryl isn’t too impressed when he finds you with a sling on your arm and a smile on your face.
Words: 1766
Warnings: Language, Injury.
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There were many things you feared more than death. There were many things you feared in general. Whether it was heights or small spaces, or even spiders - those spooky, crawly bastards - you would easily admit it when you were afraid.
In this new world, death was inevitable. You didn't want to die; leaving your family behind was out of the question. Though, it didn’t frighten you, either. Rather, you often found yourself scared of the more mundane things - those things that you could control - over something that was completely out of your hands.
There were many things you feared more than death, and Daryl Dixon was one of them.
Denise had gone to get the man, despite your pleas not to. She'd been good enough to patch you up, and mend the small cuts over your skin. They were only shallow, so they wouldn't leave any scars. It was the sling you were more concerned about.
You knew when Daryl saw it, you'd be in for an ear-full. It wasn't that bad an injury, but Denise had still doped you up on some pain-killers before leaving to find the man. It was meant to be an in-and-out job, but things never really did seem to go as planned.
"Who're you trying to kill with that smile?" Denise teased, as she walked back through the doorway to the clinic.
You had barely realised you'd been grinning from ear to ear until she’d said it. She was alone for the time being, so you thought you should take the opportunity to cherish the peace whilst it lasted.
"Myself, apparently." You chuckled, but let out a wince soon after.
The small movement had reminded you to keep still. It was only a broken bone, and you'd had worse before, but it ached all the same. Denise shook her head in return, letting out a huff of air as she stared at you exasperated.
"You are the first person to come into my clinic beaming like that whilst injured." She muttered, and you sloppily shrugged one shoulder in response.
Then you heard the main door fling open, and slam into the wall - and sighed.
"Here he comes." You muttered, and braced for impact.
Daryl stormed into the clinic like he was on a mission. He was sweaty, and you noticed that he was missing his jacket. He rushed through the doorway and whipped his head around the room until his eyes finally settled on you, sitting on the bed in the corner. You offered him a sheepish smile, and raised your good arm to give him a small wave.
The man stalked straight past Denise and made his way to your bedside, standing over you in an instant.
"What the fuck were ya thinkin'?" He yelled.
It wasn't that you feared Daryl Dixon's temper - that, you could manage. What you feared was that certain look in his eyes, and you saw it now as you met his gaze. His chest heaved, and most would probably think it was from anger. But, you knew better than that. He'd probably run over here in a panic. That is what you could see in his expression - pure worry.
"Nice to see you, too." You joked light-heartedly, trying to mask your guilt.
Daryl glanced at you, letting his eyes trail over the shallow cuts on your face all the way down to your arm - which sat tucked away in its sling. He shook his head, and took small paces in front of you.
"Ya leave for a supply run-" he started, almost below his breath. "An' Denise comes to tell me ya jumped outta a movin' truck!"
His voice rose as he spoke, and his final words came out as a loud growl that made you swallow thickly. You were ashamed, but you also thought that the man worried too much. If it were down to him, he'd have you wrapped up in cotton wool everytime you left the gates of Alexandria.
"It wasn't even going that fast." You mumbled back, defensively.
Denise had her back pressed flat against the wall, inadvertently caught in the cross-fire. She was in too deep to leave unnoticed, and stood there awkwardly watching the exchange. You sent her an apologetic smile, before looking back up at the man.
"Why'd you always have to spoil my fun?" You teased, but felt like you might have stepped on a landmine when you saw him scowl.
Daryl threw his hands up in frustration, and narrowed his eyes at your injury again.
"Ya nearly died!" He shouted, his voice guttural as it cut through the room.
"Exactly." You quipped back, but instantly regretted it.
You'd only been trying to convince him that you were fine, but Daryl seemed inconsolable. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or perhaps the pain-killers, but you realised that you may have been acting a little too care-free. You weren't so much scared of Daryl as you were of hurting him.
"It's only a broken collar bone." Denise interjected, once she finally mustered the confidence to do so. "She'll be fine."
Daryl whipped his head around, as though he'd forgotten she was even there. He stayed silent, but you tried your best to help coax him.
"Listen to the doctor, Dixon." You reminded the man, but with a much softer tone this time.
Daryl stopped his pacing, and instead made his way back over to you. He closed the gap as he approached, and your knees knocked together with his from where you were sitting on the bed. You could still see the pain in his eyes, and it made you realised that you must be one of the things Daryl Dixon feared, too.
He rested his palm over your cheek tentatively, careful not to brush up against the fresh wounds that marred your skin. You leaned into his warm touch, and placed your own hand over his in return.
"Don't worry your pretty little head over me." You whispered, giving him a reassuring smile. "I promise I'll be more careful."
Daryl became like putty in your hands at that, and his expression softened like he'd only just allowed himself to relax. The entire time, it was as though the man had been running on pure adrenaline, and nobody could convince him that you were okay - even if he’d seen it with his own eyes.
In your peripheral, you noticed Denise looking at you - but she quickly glanced away when she realised she'd been caught. You could tell that she didn't want to intrude on the tender moment, but was curious to see Daryl so vulnerable at the same time.
The man stayed like that for a few seconds, letting your thumb rub over the back of his hand as he inspected your injuries some more.
"C'mon." He mumbled finally, and took a few steps backwards to let you stand up.
He retrieved your gear which had been left on a nearby chair, and slung it over his shoulder before walking to the door. You followed after him with careful footsteps, feeling as the pain jolted up your body. You sent a smile to Denise, and thanked her, but she shook her head in response - humble as ever.
"Look after her, Daryl." She called out to the man, as she saw the both of you off at the doorstep of the clinic. "Doctor's orders."
Daryl was normally a gentle man. He wasn't the type to have to be reminded to take good care of you. But, sometimes, he seemed to forget his own strength - along with his patience.
"Oww!" You shrieked, and flinched away.
The two of you were in your bedroom, and Daryl had been left with the impossible task of getting you dressed. He'd done a good job of it so far, but when it came your shirt all hell broke loose.
"Stop!" You yelled again, but the man had your arm tightly within his grip. "You're killing me!"
He'd gotten the first sleeve on just fine - but the other one was giving him grief. You'd slipped your arm out of the sling, but had trouble lifting it high enough to get your hand through the hole. The man kept trying to get you to straighten it, but you saw stars every time he did.
"So, wha'?" Daryl grumbled, seeming at the end of his rope. "Dyin' suddenly ain't tha' fun 'nymore?"
You winced as you jolted away too suddenly. At one point, you'd tried to convince him to just button up the shirt with only one arm in it - but he'd shot you a look and muttered something about 'making a fashion statement' under his breath.
"I ain't killin' ya." He continued, noticing your look of pain. "Jus' stop movin' an' it'll be over quicker."
You tried to do just that, but your arm wouldn't bend in the way he wanted it to - and you cried out again.
"It hurts!" You told him, and recoiled away. "You're pulling too hard."
Daryl wore an expression of utter exasperation, and opened his mouth to snap something back. Except, there was a knock at the door before he could.
You jumped again, having not even heard anyone come into the house - and breathed out through gritted teeth at the discomfort it caused.
"What the hell is going on in there?" A voice asked through the wall.
"Glenn?" You replied, immediately recognising him.
Daryl shot you a look, and you could tell he blamed you for all this. You rolled your eyes in response, and Glenn spoke again.
"Rick sent me to get you." He called, still behind the closed door. "Did you forget we had a meeting?"
Daryl let the sleeve of the shirt drop from his hand, and let out a heavy sigh.
"Ain't forget nothin'." He shouted back. "Jus' runnin' late 'cos of princess pain tolerance."
"Daryl?" Glenn asked, and you snorted.
You saw the handle on the door twist slightly, but Daryl quickly elbowed it shut before Glenn could enter.
"We'll be there soon!" You explained. "Daryl's helping me get dressed."
There was silence on the other side for a few seconds, and Daryl returned back to you - looking over at the shirt like he considered just taking it off again. You giggled at his expression, before you heard Glenn clear his throat from behind the door.
"Right." He said quietly, but you still caught it. "There are some things I'd rather not know."
A/N I broke my collar bone before and it was so painful... I remembered the struggles of getting dressed and HAD to write a scene about it.
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emf005 · 3 years
Text
I'm Trying
Here is my weekly post! I hope you guys enjoy, this is a personal fave of mine. Please let me know what you think of it! I love to get feedback!
Marauders Era
Sirius Black x Fem! Reader, Remus x Twin sister! Reader. Marauders x Reader
Warnings: Swearing, mini make out sesh, sort of self harm, fear
You stole a piece of chocolate from your stash. You always had a secret stash in case you brother, Remus, ever ran out before the full moon. But you also had a bit of a sweet tooth yourself. Well, you could call it more than that actually. See, while your brother was a full werewolf, you were about half, but he didn’t know that. If he knew that he would actually lose it. The only person who knew was Lily, and she had found out by accident.
So, while your brother would always turn into a werewolf on full moons, you only sometimes did. You also got mood swings to the max. But no one ever questioned it because they assumed it was just girl stuff. And the four boys you hung out with, no matter how close you were, didn’t really want to strike up a conversation about that. Ever.
You see, your turning started your second year at Hogwarts. You woke in the forbidden Forest feeling like you had been hit with a ten ton bus. You put two and two together and started to ask Lily’s friend, Severus, if he could brew you a potion in secret. So I guess you could say two people knew. But it wasn’t like Severus would tell on you. You were always nicer to him than your friends were and he seemed to appreciate that. So, he always made you a potion while slughorn made Remus his.
James often asked why you never joined them. While your brother couldn;t become an animagus, you could for some odd reason. You turned into a small black and white ferret, while your brother couldn;t change at all. You felt bad, it was your fault he was like this, and despite his countless times he had told you it wasn’t your fault you both knew it was. But everytime James would ask Remus would answer for you.
“I don;t want her out there. I’m her brother. It's my job to protect her. I wouldn;t be able to live with myself if I accidentally did something to her.” You always clenched your jaw at his response. He still saw you as a little kid, despite being his twin. You couldn’t stand it!
You never thought anyone noticed these secret feelings you held against your brother. Oh how you were wrong. Sirius Black always noticed when Remus would say something to upset you. And he was always the one there for you. See, despite his liking for it, he had caught feelings for you. He thought he could trample them by asking out every girl in the school, but that only seemed to make his want for you grow. But he never said anything. You were his best friend’s twin sister. It was just wrong, no matter how strongly he felt for you.
The full moon was coming up again soon, and you ran down the hall to see your brother and friends waiting for you. Remus looking in his bag frantically.
“Hey, guys!” You smiled with fake cheer. You felt awful today, but you couldn;t let anyone see that. They might grow suspicious of your secret. “What's wrong, Rem?”
“He didn’t restock his backpack again with chocolate.” Peter squeaked. Remus threw him a dirty glance before rooting through his bag again. You internally groaned. You always had a stash in your bag, and you really needed it today. But, you were his sister. Sacrifices must be made. You slung your bag around and grabbed your whole stash and filled his bag with it. You even let him finish the one you had been munching on, much to your disappointment.
“Thank you, Y/N/N,” he said, stuffing the chocolate bar in his mouth. You just smiled at him and put your head down and clutched your messenger bag harder. White knuckling the strap. God, you wanted to rip the chocolate out of his mouth and just eat it. But no. You were a fucking good sister. And a fucking good sister you would stay.
Classes were a pain all day, especially with the smell of chocolate enveloping you every time Remus would open a new package. You had broken four quills by lunch and they were all joking about it.
You all headed out of your final class and down to the great hall, like you normally did. BUt Remus seemed to be in an even worse mode. You were glad he had the chocolate, he might’ve actually murdered someone. You, on the other hand, were so close to murder, but you had to keep that damn smile on and your shirt pulled up high onto your shoulder tightly, despite the heat. That's where Greyback had gotten you. Just a nip on the shoulder before remus thought it was a good idea to attempt to hit him with a chair. Key word, attempt.
Remus was on the end of the line bsides you. Some slytherin accidently knocked into him and he let out a growl as he kept walking and talking to the Huffelpuff. Here we go.
“You got a problem?” He whipped around, staring at the boy clad in green robes. The boy looked at him confused. You recognize him. Your year, Jacob Jemesky. One of the cutest boys in your year. I mean, his eyes alone were perfect enough.
“I’m sorry?” He asked. You put a hand on Remus’s shoulder.
“Rem,” but he shook you off and walked up to the boy.
“I said, you got a problem, Snake?”Your eyes widened and you became red faced. You walked over to him and pulled him away from the Slytherin, shoving him to SIrius and James who held him back and tried to get hima away from the situation.
“I am so sorry about that, Jacob, right?” You nodded a smile on his lips.
“Yeah. And no worries. Your, Y/N, right?” You blushed slightly.
“Yeah. Its nice to finally meet you. We’ve shared a few classes I think.” He nodded before his eyes flashing back to your brother.
“Is he alright? I really didn’t mean to-”
“He’s fine. Trust me. He just gets moody from here and there. I think its like a twin thing between me and him, knowing when one is going to have a bad day and all.” He nodded.
“Well, I have to get going, but I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He waved and started to leave.
“See you around!” You waved back. Your smile dropped as soon as he turned the corner. You took a few deep breaths and walked over to your brother who was still trying to get out of James and Siris’ grips. “You two can let go now.” The boys did as you said but were ready to grab him at any second.
“What the hell was that for, Y/N?” He shouted at you, making your back straighten, ready to take it all. He just had to yell at someone sometimes, and the majority of the time it was you.
“He didn’t do it on purpose, Rem. You know that. You just need to calm down for a second, ok?”
“Calm down? I am calm!” James went to say something but you just shook your head at him. You weren’t going to let them take any of this heat.
“Rem, you're really not. Please just-”
“Don;t tell me what to do, Y/N! I am sick of you trying to constantly manage every little thing that I do. You can’t even begin to understand what I go through! You have no right to tell me to calm down. Or to tell me what I am and what I’m not. You know why? Because I am a fucking werewolf becuase of you,” every bit of air was sucked out of the empty corridor. Luckily empty. But he didn’t stop there. “I took that bite for you! We both know it was your fault! You were too naive to even think for a second that it wasn;t smart to go outside that early in the morning when the moon was still out! It was all yoru fucking fault! So don;t tell me what to do, or how to feel or any of that, because this is all happening because of you!”
You stood frozen as his breath calmed. You had tears slipping down your cheeks which was a strange sight for everyone in your friend group. Yo never cried. But hearing Remus admit that it was your fault, you couldn’t handle it anymore. The dam just broke. You swallowed, trying to get the lump in your throat away.
“Are you better, Remus?” He just stared at you, his eyes turning from rage to fear as he heard what he had said and how you referred to him as Remus and not Rem or bro or some stupid nickname you had given him. You smiled sadly and wiped a tear away. “I’m glad. I’m glad that finally admitting the truth makes you feel better.” You turned and started to walk down the hall only to stop and look over your shoulder. “You know. I just have to say this because I have for a while now. I have always tried my best to be there for you. Always tried to be patient. Always tried to take care of you when you wouldn’t let me do more. And also, I’m not the bloody moron who hit Fenrir Greyback with a chair and didn’t have the arm strength for it and ended up falling out a window!” You spit at him before walking down the hallway, tears streaming down your face at this point.
Remus opened his mouth to call after you, but he saw Sirius bolting after you instead. He had fucked up majorly. He knew it. James took him by the shoulder and directed him towards the Great Hall. James being the only one who knew of Sirius’ crush on you and knowing that Sirius would be able to calm you down better than any of them. And if he couldn’t, then Remus had just gotten himself into a deep deep deep hole.
You sat in the small alcove you had found your first year. It was in a secluded part of the courtyard, only your lily and Sirius knew about it. Which sucked because they knew exactly where to look for you.
Your head was in your knees and silent tears continued to pour down your face and on your knees. You didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know how to feel. You just didn’t know.
“Y/N?” You looked up to see Sirius standing by the entrance of the alcove. He had pushed aside the vines that hid you from view and was watching you, waiting to see what you would do. You sat up quickly and brushed the tears aside, smiling at him.
“Hey, Sirius,” your voice cracked and you cringed. He gave you a small pitiful smile and made you move over so he was sitting next to you. “Is he ok?”
“He will be,” you sighed and rubbed your hands over your face.
“I shouldn’t have stormed off. Or said any of that,” Sirius frowned.
“You know Moony is my best friend, but he started that argument.”
“Yeah but with the full moon coming up… he’s just on edge, and I know that. And he was right, I just didn’t expect him to say it like that. I over reacted.”
“You were just helping out a Slytherin, who you obviously like,” he hit your shoulder and you laughed, you felt your shirt fall down a bit off your shoulder but didn;t go to move it.
“I just find him attractive. That was the first time I've talked to him.” Sirius smiled through his pain and laughed with you. His eyes fell to your shoulder for a moment and he froze.
“Y/N/N, what happened?” He questioned looking at the small mark that the werewolf had left all those years ago. Your eyes widened and you quickly pulled your sleeve back up and cleared your throat standing.
“No-nothing. Um… I-I have to-to… uh.. To go. I’ll-I’ll see you, Sirius. Thank you,” you scurried out of alcove and dashed through the halls. You knew you couldn’t avoid him for long. I mean, the four of them had the marauders map, they would find you anywhere you went. You walked into the Great Hall, thankful to see Lily sitting by James. “Lily!” She looked over at you and her smile fell when she saw the state you were in. She excused herself and came running up to you, leading you out the Hall and to your room.
“Are you ok? James told me the blow out-”
“Sirius saw the scar,” you interrupted her. She froze.
“Does he know?” You shook your head.
“No. But I know he’s going to question me as soon as I’m alone. I just didn't want that to happen.”
“Not yet, you mean.”
“Ever.” She sighed, but didn’t push the subject. She was adamant that you should tell the boys about your… condition. You were adamant that you keep it to yourself, forever.. The fights between you and your twin would get worse, and you couldn’t let that happen.
Sirius walked into the Great Hall, scanning the Gryffindor table for you, he came up empty. He sat down, but kept searching the hall and glancing at the doors every now and then.
“What wrong, Mate?” James asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. Even Remus was eating, slowly, but eating.
“Nothing,” he mumbled and took a banana from the table. If you acted like that around him when he saw that scar, he could only imagine you didn’t want anyone else knowing about it. “Do you have the map?” James nodded and handed over the map from his pocket.
Quickly, Sirius unfolded it and searched for your name. You were in the girls dormitory with Lily. His leg started to bounce while he considered going after you. He could always ask Lily if he could have a second with you. He just wanted to make sure you were alright. You seemed really upset when you stormed out.
Had you always worn long sleeves of some sort?
He handed the map back to James before standing up and heading towards the Gryffindor dorms. Maybe he could lure you out with some chocolate. He knew you were addicted to the stuff, practically eating it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, but you always gave your stash to your brother. Some days he wished you wouldn’t. Just because he noticed how you would stiffen at the smell of it, or when you heard a wrapper from your stash being un-did. He knew Remus needed it, but it seemed like you sometimes needed it just as much as he did.
He bumped into LIly in the common room, he opened his mouth but she held up a hand to silence him.
“Listen, I know you want to check on her. But she isn’t in the best state right now. Especially if you are going to be questioning her about what you saw.”
“I just want to make sure she’s alright. I won’t question her about it.” Lily bit her lip and thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. You had given the last of your chocolate stash to Remus the other day and were in desperate need. But she didn’t want to leave you alone with Sirius in the dorm. He knew how to get into the girl’s dormitory, no shock there, but seldom did it. And normally only did it to bug the hell out of you.
“I’m sorry. It really isn’t the best decision. I have to run out and get her more chocolate from the kitchens, the house elves keep a stash for her down there. Please, don’t go in.”
“I can grab some from Remus’ stash,” he offered. But she shook her head.
“Where do you think the rest of her stash went?” Lily smiled and left. Sirius sat down on one of the couches, his leg bouncing aggressively again. He knew he shouldn’t go into your dorm room. He really shouldn’t. But, the thing is, that only made him want to more.
“Lily?” He heard your voice and looked up and saw you on the staircase, looking worse for wear. Your eyes met his and you froze, visibly freezing.
“Hey,” he scrambled to his feet, but didn’t move towards you.
“H-Hey,” you stuttered, your eyes still locked on him.
“I-uh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly. Why wasn;t he good at being sincere like this? “I came to check on you. See if you were alright.” You eyed him cautiously.
“Uh. Yeah. I-I’m fine.I-uh-well, I can’t exactly explain-” He shook his head.
“You don’t have to.”
“Yeah, but I should. It was rude. And I still haven’t apologized to Rem,” you sighed and sat down on the stair, putting your head in your hands again. He slowly walked over and sat next to you, not talking. He just put his arm around your shoulders. You turned your head into him and he rested his chin on your head.
“You ok?” You let out a breathy laugh. And shook your head.
“Not really.”You heard the clock chime and knew Lily had gone to class and purposefully left you with Sirius, knowing of your… fondness... of him. Damn, you really needed chocolate. “Don’t you have to get to class?” He chuckled.
“When have I ever been on time?” You laughed, knowing how true his statement was. Only when he walked with you was he ever early or on time. Unless it was for transfigurations. He would stand outside the door until class was five minutes in before walking in dramatically, interrupting the entire class, and taking a seat next to you. Mcgonagall would huff in annoyance, but you knew she didn’t hate it. You also knew she knew what he didn everyday and never made any course of action to change it.
“Good point. But we are supposed to have transfiguration now. Don't you think Mcgonagall will miss you?”
“I bet she wouldn’t know what to do without me.”
Meanwhile in transfiguration:
“Ok, Black will be walking through the doors in three, two, one,” Mcgonagall kept talking but looked at the doors and waited for them to bang open with Sirius. Nothing happened. She began to sweat. “Where is he? What is he getting himself into? Did he die? Did someone else accidentally die and he is hiding the body?”
Back to the common room:
“Besides, I think you need a friend right now.” You smiled and nodded. “And chocolate.”
“Did I just get compared to chocolate?” He joked.
“You should be honored. I think very highly of chocolate. In my opinion it's better than christmas.” He laughed.
“Really?”
“Yeah. Christmas comes once a year, chocolate is a year long thing.” he laughed again, and you smiled, proud that you could make him laugh like that. Then your smile faded as you thought if his girlfriend made him laugh like that.
It's not like you would ever date him. You might have a crush on him, but you not only had to keep your secret a secret, but he was also your twin brother’s friend. You couldn’t do that.
“We better get to class.” you lifted your self off him, both of you immediately missing the other person’s body heat. “Mcgongall probably thinks you killed someone.” he gave you a small smile as you ran up to your room to grab your bag. He grabbed his from the couch where he had set it. He slung it over his shoulder and you came running down the stairs, skipping the last four. “Ready?” You asked, your normal smile on your face. He smirked.
“Talking to me for a few minutes put that smile on your face?” He teased as you made your way out of the portal.
“No, I found a few bars of chocolate under my bed.” You said happily, pulling two bars out of your pocket. He rolled his eyes as you opened one and handed it to him. He stared at it for a moment before taking it.
“You don’t want it?”
“I might’ve found four and ate two while coming down the stairs.” He laughed and took a bite of his. You unwrapped yours and started eating away at it. You two made your way into Mcgonagall’s class, Sirius banging the door open.
“Minnie! Did you miss me?” He shouted. You shook your head and laughed as Mcgonagall just stared daggers at him. The class erupted into laughter, but stifled it at one glare from the professor.
“Mr. Black. How kind of you to join us. Same goes for you as well, Miss. Lupin,” her gaze was less harsh on you, but you still blushed and put your head down. You two slid into your seats and began to take notes. Luckily it had been a review day. And Sirius was a master at transfigurations, so he would help you after class since it, ironically, wasn’t your best subject(And by that I mean you were still a crazy master, just not your best class).
You two spent the lesson showing the other students up as you easily changed everything and answered questions correctly. Lily was even struggling a bit at the rate you and Sirius were commenting. Of course, yours were more sincere than Sirius’ sarcastic answers (that were always correct in some sense) but you two still ruled the lesson.
You all left the lesson, you headed down to the dungeons for potions with Remus and James while Peter, Sirius and Lily went to divinations. It was a tense silence, you walking ahead of the boys with your head down and your books pressed against your chest. James joined you in front which you were grateful for, but you knew he was trying to get you to talk to Remus. You just needed a little while, and you told him as much. He just nodded and continued walking with you to potions. You sat towards the back of the class and left Remus and James to sit in your usual spots. Someone sat besides you and you were about to ask them to move when you noticed it was Jacob.
“Hey!” You smiled kindly at the slytherin sitting beside you.
“Hi. I forgot we shared this class. You don’t mind if I?” You shook your head.
“No, of course not.” He smiled.
“You're normally sitting next to Lupin and Potter, right?”
“Yeah. Remus is my twin and we kind of just got the same group of friends. Surprising, right?" You chuckled and he chuckled with you. Slughorn began to teach and the two of you went to work on the assignment together. It wasn't a hard potion today. At least for you it wasn’t. Potions was your best class, although Slughorn was a terrible teacher. Well, it actually wasn't your best subject. That was defense against the dark arts. Potions was a close second.
"Alright class, for your next assignment you will be working with the person at your table for. You will be brewing and writing on a potion I will randomly select for each of you," you looked over at Jacob with a smile.
"Looks like we're partners," you beamed. He smiled back excitedly.
"Looks like it, Lupin. I'll start cleaning up, why don't you go up and get our assignment?" He suggested. You nodded and headed to the front, meeting James on the way.
"You and Jacob?"
"Yeah. He's pretty good at it, so whatever potion we get should be a piece of cake." You smiled up at him. He only offered you a small one in return, making you falter in confusion.
What was that about?
He went back to his table with your brother and you walked up to Slughorn.
"Ah, miss. Lupin! I was surprised to see you not with your brother."
"We had a bit of a disagreement earlier. I'm Jacobs' partner. What potion would you like us to complete?" He looked at you for a moment before his face lit up with an idea.
"How about amortentia? Yes, that would suit you two nicely,” he declared. You rolled your eyes. That was the cheesiest potion he could have given you.
“Sounds great, professor! I’ll tell Jacob and we’ll get to work on it right away,” you turned and sulked back to your table. He noticed the look on your face.
“What did he give us?”
“Amortentia.” Jacob rolled his eyes.
“Honestly? How many times has he given that out to students, can’t he be the least bit more creative?” You chuckled and grabbed your bag from the back of your chair and clung it over your shoulder before gathering your notebook.
“I completely agree. So, how about we meet in the library tomorrow to start on the paper and divy up the work?”
“Sounds good to me!” He smiled as you two walked out of the classroom, chatting a bit more as you left. You were so caught up in your conversation with Jacob you missed a black haired boy waiting for the three of you. He was leaning up against the wall, as he normally did, with his hands in his pockets and his bag by his one foot. The sight of you walking out with Jacob made him freeze and just stop breathing all together.
James and Remus followed the two of you out a few seconds later, not paying any attention to what was going on with you as you laughed at something he had said. You were just standing in the middle of the hallway. What was that about?
“Sirius!” He snapped out of his trance when James’ voice cut through the air.
“Mmh?” He looked at Remus and James, who both had a worried look on their faces.
“You ok? You zoned out for about four minutes straight.”
“Yeah, I’m fine. What’s your sister doing hanging out with that Slytherin you told to piss off earlier?” Remus whipped around and stared at you as you laughed again, his eyes narrowing dangerously at the Slytherin boy. He was the reason you two were fighting in the first place. That was a lie and Remus knew it, but that didn’t mean he had to admit it.
”She’s partnered with him for the project,” James clarified, causing both Sirius and Remus to look at him.
“He sat beside her,” Remus practically growled, tossing another glance as you waved goodbye to him and he did the same.
“What did you expect when she didn’t want to sit by us? He obviously took a liking to her earlier in the hall.”
“Why didn’t she sit by you?” Sirius asked. “You two didn’t make up yet?” Remus grumbled something that no one could hear, but they didn’t really care. You started walking over, ignoring your brother’s presence all together.
“Hey, Sirius. Hey James. Ready to head to dinner?” It was quiet for a few seconds, Remus just staring at you.
“Yeah,” James finally broke the silence. “Lets-uh-let's get to dinner. Quickly.” He took you by your shoulder and started to rush you to the dining hall.
Nothing improved over the week. The full moon was coming closer, making both you and Remus even more on edge. The two of you had attempted to make up, but that just resulted in another, bigger, blow out. James and Peter had to hold Remus back as Sirius and Lily had to hold you back. Both of you were about to pumble each other. You finally threw a very nasty statement at him before storming up to your common room. In your defense he deserved it.
You started to distance yourself from all the Marauders, even Lily in some ways as you focused on your studies. You met Jacob in the library every day to work on your potion’s assignment, which seemed to get Sirius and Remus both in a twist, though one was better at hiding it than the other. That was when the third blow up happened. The day of the full moon.
“I can’t believe you are hanging around that Slytherin.” Remus spit out to you as you were all sitting in the common room before lunch. It was Saturday and none of you felt much like going outside since you would be out all night.
“Excuse me?” You asked with raised eyebrows, putting the book you were studying out of down.
“You heard me.”
“I did, and since when have you cared? Not like you've been in my life much,” you spat. He clenched his jaw and stared at you, all of your friends ready to jump in case you got into another fight.
“Since it's a blasted Sytherin.”
“That's not even a fair judgment. Have you ever even talked to him?”
“Why would I? A pretty boy pure blood who comes from a rich family?” he scoffed. “Sounds like a fun time.” You bristled.
“You just described Sirius!” You yelled. You turned to Sirius. “No offense, of course,” he held up his hands.
“You called me pretty, I’m happy.” You rolled your eyes at him, not helping the butterflies in your stomach when he said that.
“Yeah, but he isn’t a Slytherin!”
“You're condemning all Slytherins to being evil now?”
“Aren’t they?” you were both on your feet now, causing everyone else to join you.
“No you ignoramus! And if you could see two inches past your fucking nose, then you would know that!”
“Name one person other than your precious boyfriend!”
“Slughorn!”
“Bet you can;t do it again.” He challenged. You sneered.
“Snape!” He laughed.
“Really? Him? You decide that he is not evil? Have you seen him?”
“Have you looked in the mirror much? You aren’t the model yourself!” He sneered.
“How about you?”
“What about me?:”
“You look as bad as I do, dare I say worse! And your chocolate consumption has become twenty times it normally is! Now you are hanging around a Slytherin and constantly fighting with me!”
“Me-” you laughed harshly and dramatically. Making it sound almost hysterical and mad. “Your the one who picks the fucking fight everytime!”
“Becuase you make stupid descions!”
“Like hitting a beast in the back with a chair from the top of a two story house?”
“Y/N,” Lily warned from beside you.
“To only save your arse from becoming what I am!”
“Yeah, well, bang up job, Remus Lupin! A for effort I suppose!”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“Silencio!” Lily yelled, pointing her wand at you. You yelled a string of curses at her and your brother before storming out of the common area. She shot Remus a glare, something that didn’t happen often.
“You know, she’s going to Hogsmead with him next weekend. I suggest you get your act together before then and actually support something your sister is doing before you remove her from your life completely,” she hissed and chased after you. All the boys were frozen from, not only Lily’s scolding, but the fact that you were going to Hogsmead with him. Sirius felt ill and just stood in place, frozen.
“Great,” James mumbled. “They’re both broken now. At least we are ok, Peter,” He looked over to where Peter had been standing. Now the boy was passed out on the ground. James sighed and shook his head. “Never mind.”
Lily found you in your normal spot, silently crying to yourself. She removed the spell and your sobs were so loud she almost silenced you again. She sat down besides you, but you made no move to put your head on her shoulder like you normally did.
She knew you didn’t want to talk to her right now. She knew it was Sirius that you wanted to speak to, but you had just announced that you were going to Hogsmead with Jacob. Sirius was trying to get over that fact.
“We should probably go meet Sev,” she murmured in your ear. “The potion will make you feel better.” You just shook your head and tried to catch your breath.
“I-I’m fine. I just… I just need a minute.”
“You are going to hate me for saying this, but you need to make up with your brother and tell Sirius how you feel. You made it seem like you and Jacob were going on a date when you know that's not what's happening.” She scolded. You nodded your head, not being able to catch your breath from how hot you were, especially with all the clothes you had on.
“Can-can you help me get the jacket off? Please?” She nodded and started to pull at the sleeve, revealing an arm full of scars. You pulled the other sleeve off, prevailing a second arm full of scars. Your breathing slowed and you were finally able to catch your breath.
You quickly wiped the tears from your eyes.
“I didn’t let anything slip. They-they don;t know anything, right?”
“I almost let you. But that wasn’t the right way to do it.” You nodded gratefully, tracing some of the scars on your arm. You were more on edge today, but, for once, you don;t think chocolate would help. But that was only because of Remus’ comment earlier.
“We should probably get your potion from Sev. I have a feeling tonight's going to be one of your… worse… ones.” You nodded, feeling it too. This wasn;t just going to be an irritating night, this was going to be a full on transformation.
“I’ll have to tie myself down in the Room of Requirement tonight,” you nodded, agreeing.
“I don’t see why you tie yourself down. You take the potion.”
“What if it doesn’t work one night? You are going to have a second werewolf around and on the grounds. It's better if I just tie myself up and be prepared.” She sighed, knowing you wouldn’t see reason in this.
“Will you at least let me be in there with you?”
“Merlin, Lily! No! Are you mad?”
“Remus at least has-”
“And Remus is a normal werewolf. I am not. Something could go wrong at any moment and I am not letting anyone get remotely close to me. You know that!”
“I’m just saying-”
“No!” her eyes widened as you snapped at her. “It's not happening, so stop asking,” you stood up and walked out of the alcove in a huff, leaving her slightly stunned, your jacket sitting where you had once occupied. She thought about going after you and giving it back, but maybe this was what you needed. Someone else to know your secret.
You realized too late that you had forgotten your jacket and turned around to get it when you heard Sirius.
“Y/N! Wait a minute!” You froze before bolting in the direction towards the alcove you knew your jacket would be in. “Y/N!” He called after you again, his voice getting closer. You pushed yourself to run faster, only making you trip over your feet in the process and tumble to the ground with a cry. You were so close to your jacket. But Sirius caught up and froze when he saw your arms. His mouth opened and closed quickly.
You grabbed him and shoved him into an empty classroom, locking the door behind you and turning back to him. He was still staring at your arms and you sighed in frustration, letting a long string of profanities fall from your lips and you paced the room, pulling the skin from your lips, trying to figure out what to do.
You could obliviate him. Of course, that wasn’t the best course of action. You really didn’t want to obliviate your best friend. While you were thinking he came back to his senses.
“Y/N?”
“Mh?” You hummed, still thinking about what to do. He grabbed you and turned you towards him.
“Y/N.”
“Yeah?” His eyes scanned your arms.
“What happened?” You bit your lip and continued to pull it apart with your teeth. WHat could you tell him? “Y/N?”
“You're gonna kill me,” you mumbled and closed your eyes moving away from him and running your hand over your face.
“I-I won’t. Just-”
“I can’t, Sirius. I can’t tell you.” You looked back towards him with nothing but sorrow in your eyes. “I’m sorry. I just can’t tell you.” Then the pieces fit together. Your mood swings during the full moons, you always carrying chocolate and your ears always perking when you heard the wrapper. The way you “just knew” when someone was close by or something was headed your way.
“Please don’t tell me-”
“Please don’t worry about it,” you begged.
“I am staring at your scared arms. How am I not supposed to worry about it?” He raised his voice. It wasn’t a yell, but it still made you flinch. He noticed and lowered his voice again. “Y/N, I need you to tell me the truth here,” you looked down and he walked closer to you. Careful steps. Very careful steps. “That night Remus got turned into a werewolf, did he-” you nodded. Tears welling in your eyes. “But you can transform into an animagus.” You swallowed the lump in your throat.
“I’m not a full one. I get testy around the full moon, but don’t always turn. And I carry the chocolate for Remus, mostly.” He shook his head.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
“Because Remus has it ten times worse than me. Please don’t tell him,” you begged.
“Don’t tell him? How am I supposed to not tell him?”
“By keeping your mouth shut?” You attempted the joke, but he just shook his head at you. “Please. I am begging you, Sirius. I really need to meet Sev and I need my jacket an-”
“Snape?” You looked away and bit your lip. “Why do you…”
“He’s the best one at potions in our year. He was the only one who can, well, you know.”
“That's why you protected him when Remus said that stuff about Slytherins.”
“He’s helped me out since second year. And with all the turmoil happening between me and everyone, tonights going to be bad. I really need to get the potion off him. Like now. Please, I will tell you everything later, just please let me go and please don’t tell Remus.” His leg bounced as he stared at you from the table he sat down at. He shrugged off his own jacket and threw it over your shoulders.
“Get your potion. I expect everything to be explained tomorrow and I will not tell your brother, yet.” You smiled and hugged him, throwing your arms around his neck.
“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.” You mumbled into his neck as he hugged you back.
“Yeah yeah. Just be careful, ok?” he set you firmly on the ground again. “Promise me.” You nodded and slid your hands through the arm holes of his jacket. It was far too big for you, but you didn’t really care. First off because it was hiding your scars. Second off, you had Sirius Black’s jacket on, and that may or may not have made your heart beat out of your chest. And then if you add the way he was looking at you on top of that, you were dead.
“I promise. Thank you, Sirius. You are a life saviour.” You left the room and he stood staring at that door, cursing himself and needed to find Lily, pronto.
“Evans!” He yelled into the great hall where the red head was sitting. She looked over at him with an eye roll, but then noticed his serious expression. Which was, ironically, something he rarely had on his face. She stood up and scurried over to him and he pulled her out of the great hall. “You knew, didn;t you? About Y/N.” She shrugged, guilty.
“She made me swear to secrecy. Do you know where she went? She got mad at me and stomped off without her jacket. I’m assuming you-”
“Saw her hundreds of scars? Yes.”
“She showed you all of them” She creased her eyebrows and his eyes narrowed.
“All? Where is all?” Lily swallowed.
“Everywhere?” His eyes flickered down the hall, almost as if he were looking for you.
“Why does she have more than Remus?”
“Her body heals differently and she didn’t have the ointment he gets from the hospital wing, despite my persistent begging for her to get it.”
“Does her boyfriend know about this?”
“Her what?”
“Jacob. The Slytherin.”
“Sirius, they aren’t dating.”
“But he’s taking her to Hogsmead.”
“To help him pick out a gift for his little sister’s birthday. I said that in the heat of the moment. She was pissed at Remus. Please, don’t make her feel worse about keeping this a secret. And no, she just met him a week ago. She’s known Remus since she was born and you since everywhere in between.” Sirius looked down the hall again before back at Lily.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“Do not tell Remus until after the full moon tonight. They are both on edge and it's not going to be a pretty fight.” Sirius nodded, recalling how badly he had wanted to yell at her for not telling them about this.
“Anything else?”
“Go easy on her. It had to of taken a lot of guts not to obliviate you on the spot.” Sirius nodded, knowing she had contemplated it for a split second.
“Yeah, ok. I can do that.”
“Thank you, Sirius. You're a good friend.” He scoffed.
“Tell that to Mooney when he’s beating the daylights out of me.” Lily put a hand on his shoulder before disappearing back into the Great Hall. “He’s gonna kill me for this,” Sirius mumbled before following her into the hall.
You had just finished tying the ropes onto your arms. They were charmed so no matter what tugged at them they would hold you in place until the full moon was over. You had tied them extra tight tonight for precaution. Lily walked in with her arms full of chocolate and some other food for before and after the full moon.
“Do you have to tie them so tight?”
“Yes,” You grunted as you pulled one more time to triple check if they were tight enough.
“Sirius pulled me aside today,” she hummed slightly and took a seat in front of you on the floor. You glanced at his jacket.
“Speaking of,” you said before she could say anything. “Can you return his jacket? I don’t want it to get ruined or anything and I didn’t see him before I came here.”
“You didn;t see him because you didn’t want to. You can’t avoid him or telling our friends about this.”
“Yeah, but I can put it off for as long as possible.” She shook her head at you.
“You are unbelievable.”
“Yep. Can you pass some chocolate over please.” She started to grab it but you changed your mind. “Actually, just hand me the grapes.” She paused and looked up at you.
“Is this about what Remus said?” You looked away from her. “Y/N/N. Is this about what Remus said?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“He didn’t mean-”
“Yeah he did. My brother may be a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one of them. Especially during a full moon.”
“Well, I’m sure he didn’t mean it the way it came out.”
“I’m pretty sure he did.” She just shook her head and handed you the chocolate which you reluctantly (not really) took and began to devour.
“You should get out of here, Lily. It’ll be starting in a little.”
“You took the potion?” You nodded and gestured to an empty vile a few feet away from you. She picked it up and gathered Sirius’s coat. “Are you sure you’ll be ok?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thanks again, Lily. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, Y/N.” And then she left, leaving you to munch on chocolate in the deafening silence. Counting the seconds until it would begin.
Lily stepped through the doors and back into the hallway, she looked at Sirius who was leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.
“I’m going to murder Remus later,” she grumbled and walked down the hall. Sirius jogged after her.
“Why?”
“Here’s your jacket. You know that comment he made about her eating a lot of chocolate?” Sirius took his jacket back and nodded. “She took it to heart and doesn’t want to eat it any more. Well, as much as she normally does. And it makes her feel as close to as hundred percent as she can get around this time.” Sirius frowned. “You know, she cares so much about Remus, and I really don’t think he gets that,” Lily shook her head.
“I think you may be right,” Sirius mumbled and looked back down the hallway the two of them had just come from.
You woke on the floor in the Room. The floor was ice cold and your clothes were in shreds and were hanging onto your body loosely. You were bleeding here and there and sat back, rubbing the back of your neck you groan. You could see the sun was rising from the window the room always provided you.
You glanced at the pile of chocolate and went to get it before you untied yourself but stopped. No. You didn’t need anything right now. You’d be fine.
You undid the rope on your arms and legs. You held your wrists carefully, they were bruised and splattered with dry blood from you tugging at them and flinched every time you ran your hand over an open cut.
Shaking yourself, you stood up and grabbed a fresh set of clothes and your “Journal”. After every full moon you would write down what you remembered, just to get it out of your head. You never talked about it, like your brother did. He really didn;t have to, but you knew that he always needed to get it out to. So instead of making his friends hear it since they were already there with him, he told you.
You quickly rinsed the blood off yourself to the best of your ability until you could take a shower, and tossed on a pair of oversized sweatpants and a tank top with a jacket. The room had provided you with a couch, which you gratefully took with a book, your journal, and some of the non-chocolate food Lily had brought with her yesterday. It would be a while until you would be mentaly fine enough to leave.
Remus was in the medical wing sleeping, three of the four boys asleep in the uncomfortable chairs that surrounded his bed, as usual. Madame Pomfrey had been up and had been ready to tend to Remus’ wounds as usual and had left him and the boys to sleep. James and Peter found it easy to slip into sleep for the rest of the morning, but Sirius found it harder than normal, and he knew it was because of you.
After his ninth attempt to fall asleep he rose and left the room, a silent nod to the healer sitting at her cabinet and writing something, before he left through the doors and quickly made his way to the Room of Requirement.
No one was up yet, he didn’t even know if you were. But he knew no one should have to go through that alone, which you obviously had been doing since second year. It just didn’t sit right with him. He stopped at the wall leading to the Room of Requirement and waited for doors to form. Which they did. He opened the door quietly and stepped in to see you on the couch you looked up, expecting Lily.
“Sirius?”
“Hey.”
“How’d you know where I was?”
“Lily.”
“Right. Well, shouldn’t you be asleep in the hospital wing then?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” He shrugged and sat on the couch you were occupying. “Studying?” You shrugged and moved some of your notes, still not emotionally or mentaly stable enough to deal with people. But because it was him, and your emotions were still in a knot of confusion, you let him stay.
Did your heart always beat this fast when he was this close?
“Did you get your jacket back?” You picked up a piece of chocolate. “Chocolate?” He grabbed the bar and opened it.
“Yeah, Lily gave it back to me yesterday. I was a little disappointed not to see you before the full moon.” You shrugged and ate a strawberry, eyeing Sirius’s chocolate with want, but resisted opening your own.
“I took the potion and rushed in here to get ready,” you motioned to the ropes on the ground; you hadn’t had the energy to clean it up yet.
“Ropes?” His gaze flickered between you, the ropes and your hands, which you were playing with nervously. “You… tie yourself down?” He looked almost horrified.
“Yeah,” you looked at the wall. “Precautions. I don’t take them lightly.” He didn’t know what to say to that. He knew Remus was cautions about this but tying yourself up like that while you went through the agony of transforming?
“Let me see your hands,” he reached out to you, but the motion only made you bring them into yourself. You got shit from Lily when she saw them, you didn’t need that twice. “Y/N, please.” You swallowed and handed them to him. His leg started to bounce at the new, red marks on your wrists.
“It-it's really fine.” you tried to pull them back, but he didn’t let you. He didn’t look up at you and you waited for him to start yelling. Lily always did.
“How bad does it hurt?” You were shocked by the amount of kindness in his voice. You swallowed.
“Uh-not terribly. I mean, my wrists are kind of used to getting torn up like this, so I mean…” You bit your lip and tried to peel the layers off. “I mean, I guess it kind of stings. ANd my back kind aches, but uh… its.. Uh.. fine.”
“Why don’t you go to the hospital wing?”
“Because you guys and Remus are there. If I showed up every full moon when you were all there, it would be a bit suspicious, don’t ya think?”
“Yes, but you’re injured.” You shrugged sadly.
“I've had worse than a few rope burns. I mean, you’ve seen my arms.”
“And Lily said that's not even close to the end of your scars,” you flinched slightly. Which was he talking about? Mentaly or physically?
You knew this wasn;t the moment to be exactly thinking it, but damn when he wanted to he could literally be so gentle and it made you want to burst.
“Yeah. Before the potion and figuring out the rope charm it was pretty bumpy. I mean, it's still not exactly smooth sailing, but- I’m rambling now,” you shook your head and pulled your hands away from him, tucking your hands into your sleeves.
“Have you eaten any chocolate yet?” He asked, rising and making his way to the pile on the floor.
“I haven’t really felt like it,” you shrugged, not even attempting to make the lie seem real. He rolled his eyes and started rifling through the bars.
“Liar.” He grabbed one and tossed it to you. “Here. Eat this, you’ll feel better.”
“I’m fine, Sirius. Really.” You poked at the bar a few times, contemplating taking it. “You look exhausted though. You were out with my brother all night, you should get some sleep.”
“So should you.” You rolled your eyes and looked back down at the potions book in your hands.
“I have to study for this potions assignment with Jacob. I’ve been too distracted with this past full moon.”
“Yes I can see how turning into a werewolf would be distracting,” he scoffed and took the book from your hands.
“Sirius,” you whined.
“What potion did you even get?” His face fell a bit when he noticed the love potion on the page. The majority of the students who did this potion together ended up together.
“It's easy, but a lot of information,” you sighed and grabbed the book back. “I mean, not easy easy. But its,” you shook your head. “Never mind. Forget it,” you sighed and ran your hands over your face.
“Who do you think you're gonna smell?” He asked, leaning back casually, even though he hated himself for asking.
“Probably no none. And the person I hope I smell, well I doubt they'd even consider me,” you rolled your eyes. “I’ll probably smell chocolate and lavender. Or something like that.” But in your head you weren;t thinking about chocolate and lavender. Ok, that was a lie. You were thinking about chocolate, it was right in front of you and your sensitive sense of smell was amplifying it. But you were really expecting to smell was the boy sitting next to you. And you knew you wouldn’t mix his scent with anyone else's.
“Heh. They’d be crazy not to, love.” You blushed but buried your head into your book further. He looked over at you and bounced his leg a few more times.
“You should probably get back to Rem. I’ll probably follow you a bit later to check in on him and give him some chocolate.” He frowned.
“Shouldn;t you be eating all this?”
“I only normally eat a few pieces and give the rest to him. He has it worse than me.” You shrugged. “He deserves it more.”
“And aren’t you supposed to be mad at him?” You shrugged again.
“How my full moons go are based on my emotions. It's better to make up with him. Make everything go back to normal, like it normally does when we get into an argument.”
“Ok, but it wasn;t fair the way he treated you. I know he was on edge, but-”
“Sirius, it's fine. Really. We were both just on edge. And it was fair. I mean, not the Slytherin comments, but the rest of it was.”
“Will you at least eat something before you go? Or get some sleep?”
“I slept plenty after my transformation and I ate lots.”
“Chocolate,” He said exasperatedly. “Eat some chocolate.” You took the bar of chocolate he had given you and took a bite out of it.
“Never thought someone would have to make me eat chocolate.”
“Never thought I’d have to make you,” you frowned, thinking back to your twin's comment.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you would just eat it without even thinking. Ever since Remus made that comment-”
“Rightfully said,” you hummed cutting him off. He sighed and took your book again, kneeling in front of you.
“Why do you care so much about what he says? Especially when he’s not himself?”
“Because I need to make him feel happier. He’s like this because of me. Because of my mistake to want to see the stars he’s in pain.”
“And so are you. Why do you keep torturing yourself?”
“I’m not. I just… I don’t know. God I’m such a mess afterwards,” you groaned, tears pricking your eyes.
“Yeah, well, that's expected,” he smirked and it made you give hima laugh-sob in reply. “Here,” he urged, handing you the half finished chocolate bar. You took a desperate few bites out of it and let the tears fall. He wiped them away quickly and let his hand fall on your knee. “Better?” you nodded and wiped your face to rid it of any chocolate.
“Yeah, sor-”
“Don’t apologize. You should sleep. You look absolutely horrid,” you laughed pitifully and nodded, finally admitting to your exhaustion.
“Yeah, ok. You might be right.”
“Might be? I’m always right.” You laughed again and went to stand up.
“Yeah yeah. Alright. You're always right. I’ll sleep after I make sure Remus is alright.” You promised.
He wanted to argue but knew he wouldn’t win.
“Alright. Come on. Then I’m taking you straight to the dorm room.”
“I have to clean up first. Go ahead, I’ll follow.” He shook his head.
“I’ll come back later and do it.”
“Sirius-”
“No arguing. Come on,” he dragged you out of the room. You visited your brother who was still asleep. James and Peter were up and waiting for Remus to wake up. Once you saw him Sirius dragged you out and to your dorm room forcing you to go to sleep or he would make you eat chocolate until you turned into it. You gladly fell into a dreamless sleep, unknowing of him wrapping your wrists since you were such a heavy sleeper.
You woke up on Monday when Lily shook you awake for class. You could tell she felt bad about it, but you assured her it was fine. You noticed your hands were wrapped and wondered who had done it. That's when you noticed your stomach growling. Quickly you got dressed and shoved chocolate into your bag for Remus and ran down to the Great Hall where everyone already was. You took your usual seat in between Remus and Sirius.
“Hey!” You said cheerfully and grabbed some food and put it on your plate. “Rem, could you pass me the chocolate chip muffins please?” He did so as if nothing was wrong and even bumped your shoulder with his. Sirius just watched, not understanding how your three huge fights could so easily turn back to this. All your classes went as usual, even lunch went well.
Then it was time for potions. You walked in with James and Remus but had to make your way to Jacob instead of sitting with them. You had decided it would be fair to split the research and then have him write the essay while you made the potion.
“Hey Jacob!” You smiled brightly at the Slytherin.
“Hello, Y/N. You have your half of the research?” You nodded and handed him your papers. Excellent. Should we get started then?”
“Sounds good to me! Who do you think you’ll smell?” He glanced over at a hufflepuff with bright red hair across the room.
“I hope I know who.” You smiled. “You?” You blushed.
“I wish. I mean, I have an idea, but they’ll never like me back, especially now.” He shook his head.
“You're super cool, Y/N/N. They’d be insane not to.”
“Thanks, Jacob. Let's get to it then?”
“Lets!” For the rest of class the two of you worked, quietly chatting occasionally as you finished the project together. You heard an explosion and glanced up and Remus and James who were just staring at their cauldron. James obviously being the one who added the wrong ingredient. You snorted and went back to your own potion mixing it together carefully, the brew being the perfect shade of pink. He sat up in his seat and looked at you wide eyed. “It's finished?”
You smiled. “You smell it already? It still has a few hours of brewing.” He nodded. He looked over to the hufflepuff boy.
“Yeah. I can smell it. You?” You swallowed and took a whiff.
Gasoline, smoke, cinnamon apples and chocolate. God that was it. That was him.
“Yeah,” you sighed. “Yeah I smell it.” Slughorn came over and looked into the cauldron.
“My my, looks like you two are finished already! Is your essay finished as well?” You looked over at Jacob who wrote a few more things down and handed it to Slughorn who skimmed it, seeming to be happy with it. “Splendid splendid. Well done you two. You can be finished for today. As a matter of fact, everyone is dismissed if you feel like you are finished. We will be continuing this tomorrow and then they will be due the next day.” The class erupted into chatter and the Hufflepuff boy came over, Jacob held his breath as he stopped in front of him smelling the air. He looked over at him, lust blown eyes.
He bit his lip and sauntered out of the room with a swing to his hips, glancing back at him before leaving the door. You chuckled as he just stared, gawking.
“Go get him, Lover boy!” He grinned at you and ran out of the room after the Hufflepuff. You cleaned up as the room emptied. You told Remus and James to go on without you to lunch. You would be there for a few minutes.
You continued to clean up the station, not bothering to stop smelling your potion, the scent put you at ease. It always did. And you really needed to be at ease right then.
You walked back over to your workbench to see Sirius entering the room.
“Hey, Sirius!” You smiled and he smiled back before stopping, smelling the air. He looked at the potion, swallowed and then back at you. You frowned and went back to cleaning up, making sure not to look at him. But you couldn’t help but wonder who he was smelling. It was clearly not you.
He began to help you clean up and the air was suddenly tense between you. And you just couldn’t take it anymore.
“So, who do you smell?” You asked, jumping onto the work table and cocking your head at him. He shrugged. “Come on, I want to know. As your best friend, I have a right to know.” He hummed in response and inclined his head.
“Just like how I had a right to know your secret?” You looked away.
“I said I was sorry. I just, I was scared if it got out that Remus would find out. I just didn’t want Remus to know that he got turned and I got turned. I would have much rather it been me and only me rather than the both of us.”
“I would've rather it be neither of you,” you smiled up at him.
“Yeah, same. So who do you smell?”
“Why don;t you tell me?” he countered and you chewed your lip. “Come on, just tell me,” he got closer to you, smiling as he glanced up at him. You have no idea where the rush of courage came from. But it came.
“You,” you shrugged, he went wide eyed and stepped back, coughing.
“M-me?” You shrugged, playing it off.
“You,” he smirked at you, composing himself again.
“And what exactly do I smell like?” He asked, placing a hand on either side of your body. You thought about it for a moment, but you knew. Even without him right in front of you and the potion right beside you, you knew.
“Gasoline and smoke from that motorcycle you always work on, Cinnamon and apples because though you’d never admit it they are your favorite, and chocolate because you're always around me or Rem.” he stared at you. You narrowed your eyes at him. “Who do you smell?” It took him a moment to find his voice, and each second he took you waited in agony. What if you just confessed to your best friend and he didn’t like you back. But he smiled after a moment.
“You,” he replied simply, making your eyes go wide. You had been hoping, but it was actually the last thing you had expected to hear.
“An-and what exactly do I smell like?”
“Lavender, from that motorizer you always wear before you go to sleep, chocolate because you practically survive on the stuff- which is adorable-, and ink because you are constantly spilling it all over the place,” as he spoke his voice had gotten lower and lower, and with his voice his gaze also dropped. It dropped all the way down to your lips which you were playing with.
“Wo-wow,” you stuttered out, not knowing how to react. WHat do you do? You were panicking. And before you could say anything or do anything, his lips were on yours and he was standing in between your legs. His mouth was warm on yours and you wrapped your arms around his neck bringing him closer as he brought his hands to your hips to bring you closer. But then a familiar thought rang through your head.
You don’t deserve this…
“Sirius, wait,” you pulled away and he leaned away from you, his hands still on your hips, he looked at you curiously.
“What's wrong?”
“I-I don’t deserve this. I-I can’t put you through this.” He scrunched his eyebrows together.
“What do you mean?” You buried your head in your hands and shook your head. Headache was approaching and you needed your chocolate. After the full moon was never as bad as before, but that didn’t mean you didn’t have your share of problems.
Sirius seemed to sense your need for chocolate because he dove into your bag and pulled out a piece, unwrapping it for you. He handed it to you and you took it gratefully.
“Can you explain what you meant?”
“You deserve better than me. I mean. You're you. And who am I? I’m a weirdo screw up who got her brother bitten by a werewolf.”
“No,” he pulled your face back up to his and looked at you. “You are perfect. I have had a crush on you since second year. And I’ll be damned if I let your insecurities get in the way of me taking care of you.”
“But-”
He shoved the chocolate back into your mouth, shaking his head.
“Do you like me?” you nodded as you chewed the chocolate. He smiled and pecked your lips, your mouth still full of chocolate. “That's all that matters to me. I think we have a few things to tell your brother now though,” you frowned and nodded sadly. You didn’t want to, you really didn’t. He kissed you again and you brought him in closer. You still felt guilty, and you knew you always would. You couldn’t change that. But you could try for him. You could be the best for him. Because the boy standing in front of you, wiping excess chocolate from his own mouth, he was everything you had ever wanted.
And you would be everything he ever wanted in return.
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