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#i try to be active but to be honest i got tumblr just to read fanfictions 😫
viridianriver · 9 months
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KOKOBOT - The Airbnb-Owned Tech Startup - Data Mining Tumblr Users' Mental Health Crises for "Content"
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I got this message from a bot, and honestly? If I was a bit younger and not such a jaded bitch with a career in tech, I might have given it an honest try. I spent plenty of time in a tough situation without access to any mental health resources as a teen, and would have been sucked right in.
Chatting right from your phone, and being connected with people who can help you? Sounds nice. Especially if you believe the testimonials they spam you with (tw suicide / self harm mention in below images)
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But I was getting a weird feeling, so I went to read the legalese.
I couldn't even get through the fine-print it asked me to read and agree to, without it spamming the hell out of me. Almost like they expect people to just hit Yes? But I'm glad I stopped to read, because:
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What you say on there won't be confidential. (And for context, I tried it out and the things people were looking for help with? I didn't even feel comfortable sharing here as examples, it was all so deeply personal and painful)
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Also, what you say on there? Is now...
Koko's intellectual property - giving them the right to use it in any way they see fit, including
Publicly performing or displaying your "content" (also known as your mental health crisis) in any media format and in any media channel without limitation
Do this indefinitely after you end your account with them
Sell / share this "content" with other businesses
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Any harm you come to using Koko? That's on you.
And Koko won't take responsibility for anything someone says to you on there (which is bleak when people are using it to spread Christianity to people in crisis)
I was curious about their business model. They're a venture-capitol based tech startup, owned by Airbnb, the famous mental health professionals with a focus on ethical business practices./s They're also begging for donations despite having already been given 2.5 million dollars in research funding. (If you want a deep dive on why people throw crazy money at tech startups, see my other post here)
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They also use the data they gather from users to conduct research and publish papers. I didn't find them too interesting - other than as a good case study of "People tend to find what they are financially incentivized to find". Predictably, Koko found that Kokobot was beneficial to its users.
So yeah, being a dumbass with too much curiosity, I decided to use the Airbnb-owned Data-Mining Mental Health Chatline anyway. And if you thought it was dangerous sounding from the disclaimers? Somehow it got worse.
(trigger warning / discussions of child abuse / sexual abuse / suicide / violence below the cut - please don't read if you're not in a good place to hear about negligence around pretty horrific topics.)
I first messed around with the available options, but then I asked it about something obviously concerning, saying I had a gun and was going to shoot myself. It responded... Poorly. Imagine the vibes of trying to cancel Comcast, when you're suicidal.
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Anyway, I tried again to ask for help about something else that would be concerning enough for any responsible company to flag. School was one of their main options, which seems irresponsible - do you really think a child in crisis would read that contract?
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I told it about a teacher at school trying to "be my boyfriend", and it immediately suggested I help someone else while I wait for help. I was honestly concerned that it wasn't flagged before connecting. Especially when I realized it was connecting me to children.
I first got someone who seemed to be a child in an abusive home. (Censored for their privacy.) I declined to talk to them because despite being an adult and in an OK mental place - I knew I'm not equipped to counsel a kid through that. If my act of being another kid in crisis was real? Holy shit.
Remember- if my BS was true, that kid would be being "helped" by an actively suicidal kid who's also being groomed by a teacher. Their pipeline for "helpers" is the same group of people looking for help.
I skipped a number of messages, and they mostly seemed to be written by children and young adults with nowhere else to turn. Plus one scary one from an adult whose "problem" was worrying that they'd been inappropriate with a female student, asking her to pull her skirt down "a little" in front of the class. Koko paired this person with someone reporting that they were a child being groomed by a teacher. Extremely dangerous, and if this was an episode of Black Mirror? I'd say it was a little too on the nose to be believable.
I also didn't get the option to get help without being asked... Er... Harassed... to help others. If I declined, I'd get the next request for help, and the next. If I ignored it, I got spammed by the "We lost you there!" messages, asking if I'd like to pick up where I left off, seeing others' often triggering messages while waiting for help, including seriously homophobic shit. I was going into this as an experiment, starting from a good mental place, and being an adult with coping skills from an actual therapist, and I still felt triggered by a lot of what I read. I can't imagine the experience someone actually in crisis would be having.
My message was starting to feel mild in comparison to what some people were sharing - but despite that I was feeling very uneasy about my message being shown to children. There didn't seem to be a way to take it back either.
Then I got a reply about my issue. It was very kind and well meaning, but VERY horrifying. Because it seemed to be written by a child, or someone too young to understand that "Do have feelings for the teacher who's grooming you? If you don't, you should go talk to him." Is probably THE most dangerous advice possible.
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Not judging the author - I get the impression they're probably a child seeking help themselves and honestly feel horribly guilty my BS got sent to a young person and they wanted to reply. Because WTF. No kid should be in that position to answer my fucked up question or any of the others like it.
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Anyway, what can you do if this concerns you, or you've had a difficult experience on Koko, with no support from them or Tumblr?
To reach Tumblr, who officially partners with Koko?
Send a message to Tumblr Support describing your concerns with their partnership with Kokobot
Report kokobot to Tumblr's abuse hotline describing your experience with KokoBot, especially if you are a minor who suffered harm, as they have a legal responsibility to address that.
To get Koko's attention:
Get on their LinkedIn (https://www.linkedin.com/company/kokocares/) and comment on their posts! You may also want to tag the company's co-founders in your comments - their accounts are listed on the company page.
There's no way to reach support through chat, and commenting on a company's LinkedIn posts / tagging the people responsible is the best way to get a quick response to a sensitive issue - as their investors and research funders follow those posts, and companies take it seriously if safety issues are brought up in front of the people giving them millions of dollars.
Request support on Koko's Discord - FYI they will allow you to file a ticket privately, which the moderators say will reach the staff. But you may be muted or banned for trying to discuss concerns with Koko as a company or the safety of kokobot in the public channels, which also cuts you off from the ability to file a ticket.
To report it to the FCC for likely violating the COPPA law, regarding minors' safety and privacy online:
See Reblogs for further info & reporting instructions: Detailed description of COPPA law and Kokobot's presumed violations, plus detailed reporting instructions
But quick links: FCC reporting website and email hotline: [email protected]
Seriously, if you've taken the time to read this far, please please please take one more minute to file a report! It won't get addressed if all we do is reblog this, we need to get this in front of Tumblr Staff / The FCC / Koko's investors to get this meaningfully addressed.
Blocking and reporting the bot as spam isn't enough IMO - people have been doing that for years from the looks of the tag
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Reccomended reading in reblogs:
dropattackbear's discovery of what Koko is using the harvested data for (Machine Learning training data for automated content moderation services)
winderlylandchime (a licenced clinical psychologist's) explanation of privacy / ethics considerations around mental health services
thatsmimi's post on the dangers of letting minors act as a suicide / self-harm resource
My additions on their investors, leadership board, and their current job opening
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Legal Disclaimer since tech companies LOVE lawsuits:
The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the text belong solely to the author, and not necessarily to the author's employer, organization, committee or other group or individual. This text is for entertainment purposes only, and is not meant to be referenced for legal, business, or investment purposes. This text is based on publically available information. Sources may contain factual errors. The analysis provided in this text may contain factual errors, miscalculations, or misunderstandings.
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sarenth · 10 days
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Reflecting on some of the posts that I have made and seen in the last couple of weeks, both here on Tumblr and on TikTok, I am increasingly suspicious of anybody that insists that voting is a useless or misdirected effort of energy. Not only have I seen innumerable cases in my state where this is simply not the case, entire sections of the federal government are effectively locked into right-wing positions because Trump won his election. He has entire sections of the appeals system and federal government more broadly aligned with him precisely because of how many nominations he's successfully put forward. Now, this does not mean that Biden or even the Democratic party more generally is going to ride to the rescue, however it speaks to the power that voting results wield.
Not voting is not an effective protest. All you are doing by not voting is saying hey someone else make this decision for me. By not voting you are not actually saying to the system "Hey I'm protesting against you!" At that point you have given the government system cart blanche to fucking ignore you.
I don't know who told you that not voting was anything other than giving up what little power you have to influence your government and therefore how your tax money and society operates on an everyday level. They lied to you. After a certain point there's no nice way to put this.
If you choose not to vote, that is a choice. I view it as an incredibly poor one. I also look at voting third party outside of elections where you know the candidate has no honest to the Gods shot to be a waste of time. You can vote however you want. If you want your vote to be effective then you're going to have to play with the system we've got until we can make a better one. These things take time. If we are being realistic, it is likely more than a few election cycles.
Another thing I have found intensely distasteful this entire election cycle has been from some leftists to sneer at harm reduction, as though opposing Republicans with Democratic candidates is just caving to fascism. Democrats and my State backed up unions and secured a woman's right to choose and secured bodily autonomy not only for women but forLGBTQIA+ folks. Republicans have fought against that.
"Oh but Manchin-" "Oh, but Sinema-"
Are not the whole of the Democratic Party. They were conservative holdouts in a largely center to center right coalition party whose younger constituents are far more left that the old guard. They fucked up some excellent legislation (or at least excellent opportunities) to put us in far better positions through helping to kill the Democrats' Build Back Better Plan and similar legislation.
Trying to punish the Democrats retroactively for not pushing Roe v Wade into law or not fulfilling all their campaign promises, by withholding your vote come the elections is short sighted, retrograde, and ultimately, harmful. It hands power to the Republicans without a fight, and allows them to set the boards for zoning, schools, city council, and so much more. It actively shoots your fellow citizens in the foot so you can feel moral superiority.
It reminds me of folks saying "Well I'm not filing because I am not gonna pay my taxes!" Unless your income is entirely under the table or illegal, or you intentionally changed your contributions, chances are that you were paying taxes this entire time and the only thing you're doing by not filing is potentially fucking yourself.
I get being angry, desperate, and despairing at the state of things, whether the political system, the world more broadly, or whatever issue you hold most dear to your heart. I'm not saying don't be angry, sad, depressed, or raging. I'm saying use it well. If you cannot summon up the give-a-shit on your own case, do it for those around you. Every bit we can do helps, and voting can make a lot of difference in our neighborhoods, and from there, the greater world.
Whether you are reading the missives from various pulpits or you're looking at project 2025, Christofascism is here. Folks have been warning about this for quite a long time, and it is here and it is in full swing. We cannot afford for the Republicans to take over. Heathens, Pagans, magical folks, none of us can afford a Republican victory at this point. Republicans have shown a deep willingness to use the apparatus of the state to harm queer and non-Christian people. They have shown a disdain for the separation of church and state. If you are on the right in this country you should be concerned if you're in any marginalized group. You will not be spared because you're "one of the good ones ".
Did you not see how they treated the Log Cabin Republicans? Did you not see that? Voting red will not save you, it will not make you more palatable. If the Republicans take power and get what they really want through their Christofascism and Project 2025, it does not matter how long you've been a Republican; if you are queer or Pagan you may as well not exist.
Believe me, I am not for a moment stating that Democrats are our saviors. They are a coalition center right political party that we can influence through our lobbying and votes. We can influence them through a variety of other means, including direct action is some have done. Some of you have failed to notice that your direct actions actually were useful! Kamala Harris came right out and said that they were pushing for a ceasefire, after so long of just leaving it off the table entirely. It is not that the narrative cannot be pushed, it is not that we cannot be heard, but you all need to recognize when you are heard and act accordingly without moving the fucking goal posts.
You demanded the administration work on a ceasefire and now they are. That is a victory! However, the Democrats cannot make the Israeli government and the Palestinian government come to a ceasefire. There is also only so much that we can do given the treaties and the alliances that we have. Yes, I know that America has a history of breaking it's treaties and why couldn't we just break this one? Well, because we're just not going to because it's been policy for almost the last 80 years. I just fervently wish the left more generally understood the political process better than it does and realize that we are doing quite a lot to move things along from where they could have been.
If you think for a second that Trump presidency would be better on any of these things you're wrong. That there are some leftists want to sink this project of American democracy simply because they didn't get what they want reminds me a lot of screaming fucking children who want a toy and are going to scream and shout when they don't get it. There's a sincere lack of understanding of the political process that I am seeing right now, especially given what I saw during the primary elections, and is sincere lack of understanding the political process with regards to our position with Israel. Again, I am not saying for a fucking moment don't be angry and don't do everything that you can't tell lobby for the Palestinian people. Engage in whatever diversity of tactics appeals the most to you. Part of having a diversity of tactics is including voting and on the ground diplomatic work. It isn't fun, it isn't sexy, but it's absolutely necessary in the meantime to get us to a place where we can be more effective. I would rather be more effective than being morally pure. I would rather be more effective and do what is possible than see everything around me fucking burn because it isn't just right.
I really do not hold with deontology. As a heathen my ethics are more centered in consequentialism. I care about how the tapestry looks after it's been woven, more than I care about how it has been woven. I will take an imperfect way of getting to the end of a tapestry then the tapestry never getting finished or being finished poor due to constantly unraveling it. There is no way that burning everything down is going to be helpful or effective for most folks. In any case, burning everything down with nothing to replace it leaves folks like me who rely on regular medications like insulin completely fucked. To be sure, the system fucks me and those in my position. It fucks the poor, the disabled, the marginalized. However, not having anything to replace it and just burning everything down, having no complex systems in place to slot into place will do immense, untold amounts of damage. Reforms are not sexy, and but they are how we can continue to live while we do the work needed to make things more equitable, more fair, more just.
I want change. We need to change as a society to become more just, equitable, fair, and to survive in the face of the challenges that we are facing. However, stepping away from the system as a whole, as though you're not going to be wrapped up in it as things go forward, that, to me, is giving up. It's not revolutionary. I would far rather see leftists and left-leaning Heathens and Pagans to flex their vote and their activism locally, to make the changes on the ground that we can where we live, how we live, with the Ginnreginn we live alongside.
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2. LA - Oh! THAT Lizzie...
Paring: bottom!Elizabeth Olsen x topMommy!Reader
Description: You figured out who she is. How do you explain to your celebrity crush that you follow her smut and dirty fandom?
Warnings: smut, teasing, mention strap and cockwarming, mommy kink, fingering (lizzie receiving), oral (lizzie receiving), casual.
Attention demi: casual sex – both of them are in their 30’s, just met, no emotional connection developed yet, not sure if there will be one.. Hm..Need to think about that..🤔
Word count: ~3,5K
This is part of the LA series: Part 1 | Part 2(this)| Part 3 | Part 4
Credits: This fic directly cites the blog and works of themidnightcrimson. A shout out to her writing skills and damn good fics. The links to her work will be on the fic itself, but also here
- themidnightcrimson blog | masterlist | innocence (+18) | mommy (+18) | strapwarming (+18)
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"Yes. I did, Ms. Olsen. " You took a step back and sat in your bench with an embarrassed grin."And you owe me a rose wine."
......
"Don't get weird with me, please. We were having so much fun. " She cooed reaching and grabing your hand in hers.
"I am not. Is just...." You laughed at yourself. You read a very dirty fic about here just a day before all this: how was this happening?
"What is going on with that face, then?" She raised a brow grinning "Are you blushing, Y/N?" She teased. You tried to hide your face and laugh it off, but she grabbed you by the waist and turned you towards her "Tell me." She whined
"It is just silly, forget about it." You shrugged "I am just a Marvel fan." You lied.
"You wouldn't be blushing just because you are a Marvel fan, Y/N." She fake pouted and dove eye you "Pretty please?"
Probably was the wine talking and your unlimited boldness coming straight from the tannin, but you softly blured out: "I read fic about you."
She smiled widely "You what? Speak louder, Y/N.."
"Shit.. Ok. I kind of read a fic about you recently, ok? You....” You stalled until she motioned for you to keep going. “ You have a fandom on Tumblr... a very active fandom." You whispered
"Oh, that? I know about it" She chuckled "But I thought you were a lesbian" She looked at you genuinely confused.
Her producer had told her about her MLW fandom and it's contents, but she didn’t imagine she had also a WLW one. You looked at her with a raised brow and a condescending smile
"Oh, I definitely am.” You smirked “ You have a wlw fandom, darling" you mumbled
"Oh!" She startled" I didn’t know that... And what kind of fanfic are we talking about, hmm?" She smiled and pushed you teasingly by your arm "Do you read comfort and romantic stories about me before sleep, is it?" She joked
Your eyes darkened as you stared at her trying to decide if you where going to be honest about it or just ignore the subject.
"They do have fluff. But is not what I normally read." You said mysteriously rounding the kitchen island towards the stove
" I am starving, can I make us some pasta?" Trying to busy yourself with something else and change the subject. She made abluntly clear that you should make yourself at home, so why not?
"Show me" She asked with a small smile
"The pasta?" You said innocently while searching for some ingredients and pans through her cabinets. She rolled her eyes
"The fics, Y/N. I am curious..." She sighed as you ignored her still opening cabinets "Pan is in the bottom one. Oil and garlic on the left."
She got up and poured both of you another glass of wine. As she went towards you to give you your glass, she touched your forearm making you turn to her. Her gaze was full of mischief and she had a playful tone "Please show me. I have the right to know what people talk to me all over the internet..." She pouted
"Lizzie…" You blushed at the thought of showing her all the fics and kinks you had liked and reblogged in the last few weeks
"I already know is some kind of porn, Y/N. Just show me" she said harshly and corrected herself "Please " you laughed at her mini outburst.
"OK. But first, is your turn not to get weird out." You warned "Go grab your laptop, you can read while I cook"
A few moments after, the pasta was boiling as you towered behind Lizzie reaching the notebook and logged in your account. "Before you go stalking things. Let us start slow, ok?" You say slapping her hand away from the mouse. "This is one of my favorites writers. She is.. uhm.. very graphic with her language, let's put it like that."
You blushed slightly opening themidnightcrimson smut fics lists "This is about Wanda.. And this about you" You clicked on Innocence trying to easy her into it.
"Oh, my eyes look good in that picture" She squinted at the screen trying to get a better view
"Uhum" you nodded dryly
"Don't you agree?" She asked looking back at you with her brow furrowed
"All of you look good in that, Elizabeth" you rasped out shyly completely embarrassed" just read it. Tell me if you have any questions about.. uhm.. lesbian logistics? I don't know" you shrugged and got back to drain the pasta as an excuse to control your blushing.
While you busied yourself finishing dinner, you spared glances at her: she was concentrated, wearing her reading glasses and resting her chin up with her right hand. Of course, the picture of perfect. She held a small smile and and amusement expression, sometimes clearing her throat and taking a few deep breaths. You even considered that she was getting a little worked up with it, and now you couldn't wait to show her some more advanced ones and play.
"Did you like it?" You asked when she took of her glasses.
"I have questions." She took a sip at her wine "A few." She chuckled
"First... How does she know I have a yellow couch?" She pretended to be weird out about it and both of you laughed. " Secondly, is my finger really that interesting?" She said looking at her hands, making small movements with a mock pensive face.
You laughed and threw a cooked pasta at her as she dodged "Getting cocky, are we?" You smirked "Let's see what you think of these one"
A few fics after, dinner had come and gone, and you were taking out the plates while she kept scrolling throught the author's page.
"Have you ever done this one?" She asked showing you a fic titled "Strapwarming" .
You left the dishes on the sink and went to her, hovering behind her as she pointed to a page on her laptop.
You started to throb just thinking about that day, that fic, and the fact that Elizabeth Olsen had slightly leaned backwards touching her back at your breast didn't make any easier for you to hold down a soft whimper.
"I did, yes." You disguised with a cough
"And?" She looked up at you, her lips dangerously close to yours "Can you explain me? I don't understand"
" You don't understand that means a dildo inside of you?" You raised an eyebrow sarcastically
"No, silly! I understand the concept. I don't understand the appeal." She said turning her gaze back to the computer "It doesn't seem like the reader is enjoying herself..."
You took a deep breath trying to decide how much to push her. You were both a bottle in, not drunk or tipsy, but your inhibition definitely wasn't in perfect state
"Are you sure you want to know, Ms. Olsen?"
" Please, Y/N. Lizzie. Tell me. I feel like I have been under a rock and this 'imaginary me' got all the fun while I was gone" She chuckled, the vibration of her chest stimulating every part of you that was in high alert. This woman was inebrianting and you wanted to play.
"It is about the obvious being stretched out pleasure, but also about the power dynamics." You said pulling her closer to you by her waist.
Your mouth so close to her ear, that she could sense your breath before your voice became clear to her "The thing is that I, hypothetically, of course, can open your legs.." your hand traveled to her thighs spreading them earning a small gasp from her "and push my cock into you slowly and deep...." your hands traveled upwards in her inner thigh, so close to her core that you could sense the heat irradiating from her - just to push her legs close again. "...And tell you to warm it up for me."
Still behind her, you placed your hands to either side of her hips, harshly rotating it in a way where her ass was up and her core hit the cushion of her seat directly.
" You can't touch it. You can't let it fall off. You can't grind. You can't clench around it. You can't even think about it without my consent" You move her hips front to back rhythmically grinding her on the chair "can you imagine you being all filled up with my cock, how good this would feel, baby?"
"Yes." She whispered with her eyes shut close.
Although you acknowledged how receptive of your advances she was being, you dropped your hands and left her. You went towards the sink again, noticing the shiver that ran through her without your front warming her back. You opened the faucet and restarted hand washing the dishes like it isn't a big deal. In reality you could barely think straight of how much you wanted her right there.
"And then what? I just stay here?" She huffed showing a bit of frustration
"Hypothetically, I might leave you like that for a whole day. Or just while I do the dishes. Or do the groceries. Or while I watch you squirm." You smirked "Are you imagining it inside of you now?"
"Yes" She gulped
"Cross your legs for me, sweetheart" you cooed. She did as ordered and you could see the spark of pleasure as she pressed her thighs together to get some sort of relief.
"That is enough of that, baby" You said
"But that is just frustrating, Y/N!" She whimpered
"Just read it through, tell me if you have any questions" you said calmly and end the discussion.
After a few minutes
"What about this mommy thing? Is a little..."
"A little..." You went back to the kitchen island, resting your elbows on the countertop as leaning forward behind her laptop"
"I don't know" She bit her lip pensively
"Well, be honest with yourself. You don't have a reason to lie." You stood and round the table until you were behind her again. "Are you going to deny that you liked reading this? That it made you all hot and bothered?"
"Well, I had some wine and..."
"Don't do this, baby. Just be honest." You inhaled her scent as she closed her eyes to the sensation of you so close. She smelled fresh, orangy, sunny. You couldn't quite put your finger on it "We both know how horny you are right now. Aren't you? Tell me you can't feel your clit throbing..."
"I...." she gulped again leaning into your embrace
"Here. Read this one for me, will you? I will choose another wine for us, baby" You said nipping the soft skin on her neck and loving the way she catched her breath. You had pointed her to the Mommy fic.
As you were choosing between the several bottles on her wine rack, you noticed she began to grind slightly against the cushion and smirked.
"I can see you, baby. Don't grind. Be a good girl for mommy, will you?" You could see her tensing up on the term. But there was no turning back now "what is the problem, baby?" You grinned "Don't you like to play 'make-believe' with mommy?" You stared at her with a condescending smirk and waited.
Lizzie thoughts ran through her head at lighting speed. She was troubled by the same sex attention, by how you called yourself mommy. And worst, she was extremely confused about why did that made her so damn wet and needy. Is not like she was a sweet angels before tonight - she had her fun and her experiences, but she couldn't remember the last time she felt that throbing so intense.
"Yes" She whispered
"Yes what, sweetie? Use your words" you cooed. You wanted her to break that barrier that she was holding so weakly at.
"Yes, mommy" hearing her say that shoot a wave of pleasure throughout your whole body. It was all you could do not to drag her into the bedroom in that instant and fuck her brainless. Instead you smiled softly
"Good girl. This is right I am the one who knows that is good for you, isn't I? You poor baby can't choose for yourself, can you?" You pouted "You can grind for a bit, baby. But don't you come without my permission, ok?"
"Thank you. You are so good to me, mommy" she said downing her gaze back to the fic as she moved her hip rhythmically
"Anything for you, pretty girl" her cheeks blushed at the praise "As you are doing so good for mommy, kitten. I will let you make one more question, ok?" You cooed pouring some wine for both of you.
You noticed she stopped her movements suddenly and nodded slightly as getting off a trance.
"I don't get it" She pressed her hands in her face "How can you do this, Y/N? Why I am feeling this? I am straight, God be damned!" She said to you with a suprised but soft tone. Shit, you thought the barrier was already over with, but maybe you pressed too much.
"Lizzie.. Why does it matter? You are feeling good, aren't you? You are enjoying yourself?"
"Maybe. But.." she runs a hand through her hair " I am older than you... That makes no sense."
"That is why it is a fantasy.. It doesn't need to be logical, Lizzie. Don't be so hard and judgemental. Just enjoy it." you said taking her hands in yours "Why does it matter?"
"I don't know.." She said softly
"Do you want me to leave?" You asked softly
"No!" She answered a little more eager than she intended and that brought a smile to your face
"Than trust me, it doesn't matter" you said grabbing her chin to meet her gaze "Do you trust me, baby?"
"Yes, mommy" she acknowledged making you smile at her easy subduence. It was easier than you thought.
"So come, you have earned a reward, kitten" you smiled and guided her to the couch.
You sat down and placed her onto your lap straddling you. She swiftly obeyed, resting her hands you your shoulder and looking down on you.
"Do you want to kiss me, darling?"
"Yes, mommy, so much"
"Do you want me to touch you?" You asked bulking your hip upwards against her clit. She let out a whimpe "use your mouth for me, babygirl"
"Yes, mommy. Touch me" she whimps
You placed your hand behind her neck and guided her mouth down to yours. The second your lips touched both of your let out a moan, you taking advantage to quickly press your tongue into her mouth. She tasted heavenly, her glossy lips so sweet and tender that you almost felt sorry for bitting it down earning a gasp.
You let her deepen the kiss and guided her hip to grind on your lap, earning a soft moan. Lizzie was ranking her hands down your chest yanking at your shirt patientless
"Off, mommy. I want to touch you" You smirked proud of how she asked you
"Just because you asked so nicely, baby" You raised your arms letting her take your top off and eagerly lap on your neck with kisses and bites. Your own hands found her skin beneath her blouse, blindly undoing her bra.
"Strip for me, love" She got up on her feet and striped down to her panties. She was beautiful. She was covered with small brown spots, making a map on her soft skin. Her waist had the exact shape to support your hand and you were sure it was made specifically for you.
"So pretty for mommy, aren't you? Let me help you" you reached out and toyed with her waistband. Her eyes darkened with you touching her so close of where she wanted you and she bit her lip while moving her hip against your hand
"Oh, no, little one" you denied pulling her waistband and letting go with a loud snap against her skin "Don't rush me. Let mommy see you." You leant forward kissing her spots across her belly and thigh "do you know how long I have been wanting this?" You bit her inner thigh when she didn't answer you and she moaned softly
"No, mommy" You smiled against her skin and hovered right above her clit over her panties.
"Do you know how many times mommy touched herself thinking about fucking you, baby?" She moaned when you open mouthed kissed her over the damp fabric of her underwear. She tasted as good as you thought she would
"So fuck me, mommy." She said grabbing your hair and pulling you against her "Please, mommy. I need you"
"I told you not to rush me" You bit her clit slightly making her retract slightly and gasp "Don't ruin this for me, sweetie" you smirked as you noticed her dripping core staining her panties. You where seated the couch and she was standing between your legs. You took of he panties letting it fall on the ground as you took her right leg and placed her foot on the couch, opening her up.
The sight of her was enough to almost drive you out of control. Her glistening cunt was dripping making a mess all over her. You ran your tongue thru her folds earning a loud moan as she pressed her hip against your face. You steadied her hip with both of your hands while you slowly took her clit on your mouth sucking it. As you circled and flicked your tongue with increasing pressure, Lizzie kept whiping and moaning while pulling herself against you and holding your hair.
"Fuck ...me" she asked breathlessly
You sucked harshly at her clit and looked up at her "Mommy gave you better manners than that, kitten"
"Sorry, mommy. Inside, please. I need you inside"
"Do you want mommy's finger inside, baby?" You cooed looking straight into her eyes while teasing her entrance. She was breathing heavily, her hair a mess and you could see her bottom lip puffed from how much she was bitting into it trying to stiffle her moans. She nodded vigorously "yes mo--- Oooh" She moaned loudly as you plunged two fingers deep inside of her without warning. The sting of pain made her stop bulking, and you began to lap your tongue greedily into her, collecting all the wetness that came out. Soon she was moving against you fingers and you started to thrust in and out of her with increasing rhythm.
Her bulking started to lose rhythm and force and her walls clenched around your fingers. She was close.
"Mommy, can I come? Please"
"Yes, baby. Cum for mommy"
She came with a silent moan, closing her thigh against your head while you licked every drop that came out and steady your fingers deep inside of her until her legs trembled unable to stand.
"Mommy got you, babygirl" you said softly guiding her to straddle you again, keeping you fingers inside her and letting her rest her head in your shoulder.
"You were so good for mommy, pretty girl" you cooed giving her a small kiss on her neck.
She was still breathing hard when you started to thrust slowly inside of her and she stopped you holding your wrist
"It hurts, mommy". She whined
" I know it does, baby. But let mommy use your pretty hole, ok? You have been so good to me, don't act out now" you cooed taking her hand off your wrist
"No mommy, is too sensitive" she said biting down on your shoulder
"Trust me, baby. You are going to feel so good." you flicked your thumb over her swollen clit earning a gasp "Give me one more, ok?" You increased the speed of your thrusts as her soft moans became more frequent. You inserted the third finger
"Mommy" she moaned riding you
"That is it, baby. Ride mommy's fingers" you guided her hips downwards at each drive, meeting her halfway with your fingers hitting deep Inside of her. In and out, everytime you took out you coiled your fingers reaching her spongy point over and over again. The sloshing sounds and her ungodly moans were all you could hear.
It didn't take long until she was coming all over you lap.
--
Next day on Part 3.
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thecryingastrologer · 11 months
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A hot take on tarot and tarot readings🌚🌝
DO NOT 🚫 PLAGIARISE MY WORK. IF YOU WANT TO REPOST IT GIVE ME THE CREDITS💌🧿
Hey you guys❤️ it's been a long time since I've posted on here. I had a lot going on and i have so much to share with you guys. I'm officially a clg student and I've been trying to figure out how this clg stuff works and i can safely say, I've figured out enough at this point. I will be becoming more regular now onwards by posting at least once a week so that you guys don't feel like you're following a dead account. I will admit I've been active on Tumblr but didn't post as I felt very disconnected with astrology and tarot. I felt like i didn't wanna do it because I had a lot of things going on and was trying to figure my self out but came to a realisation about my inclination towards spirituality and the reason why I created this account. Thankyou all for being by my side and still viewing my content, engaging with me and following. I'm eternally grateful for it and wish to repay you all back by bringing life to this account🧿🫀🤍🙏
Soooooooooo, let's start off with something that may rub ppl the wrong way but😘
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So I started getting into tarot a while ago and have been following and engaging liking and all alot of tarot pages on this app, which i will say are very good. Like alot of the readers on here are very good🧿 and not just here but also on YouTube.
All of these opinions are my own thoughts and observations and NOT a fact so 🌼
🌺 i feel like a lot of ppl who turn to tarot readings do not accept what the readers say because they don't want to hear anything other than their expected thoughts.
🌺 Alot of the tarot accounts on YouTube and Twitter tend to sugar coat what the cards are saying. In the sense, that they will somehow manage to manipulate even the most straightforward reading to cater to the audience instead of being upright with it. Like the cards will say one thing and the reader will either completely change the meaning of it or try to manipulate the meaning. Nowwwww, ik alot of yall will say that sometimes the intuition is just different than the meaning and i agree but I'm talking abt the ones who straight up manipulate tarot for views and engagement and such ppl are clowns who should stop this kinda nonsense for their 2 min fame and learn how to be honest.
🌺 Now, you see, there's a reason all these tarot readers on this plateform tend to tell you to use your discernment and get in touch with your intuition and it's because spirituality today, is not limited to only a certain group. Anyone can get into tarot and astrology but not everyone is spritual and give 2 stones about its art and essence. These ppl will try to manipulate the fuck out of you so that you either stop using your intuition and discernment orrrrr start trusting them too much to a point where you rely on them energetically, if you know what I mean.
🌺 You should take tarot and astrology with a grain of salt. Remember, nothing is set in stone. It always changes and that is the beauty of it. Speaking from personal experience, it is very easy to get addicted to tarot readings. I remember, i started off with one video and then got hooked to it and stopped using my own discernment. Now, i tend to use my discernment and remember that at the end of the day, the power lies in my hands.
🌺 Continuous use of tarot readings will make out of touch with reality and your own intuition. I remember i used to feel very mindless after consuming alot of tarot readings and thay was because I was living in my own dillusion that got created because of excessive tarot readings. So go for tarot readings but don't become chronically dependant on it.
🌺 it is fine if you don't agree with a reading but do not go around disrespecting the readers who are genuinely doing it for you and put actual effort into their content.
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THANKYOU Y'ALL FOR MAKING IT TO THE END OF THIS POST. ILYSM YOU GUYS SO MUCHHH🧿🫀❤️
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bil-daddy · 5 months
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Hi Bildad. I know this isn't at all what your Tumblr is for, but I don't have anyone IRL to talk to about this, and my husband reads AITA. If you want to just leave this in your inbox unanswered, that is ok.
Today during an argument, my husband told me that he has not been attracted to me since we got married (20 years ago!) Around that time I started on antidepressants and they caused me to gain some weight and then I gained some more weight. Currently I am 5'6" and 190lbs.
He has hinted at this a couple times over the course of our marriage and frequently turns me down for sex (one time we went a whole year without any sexual activity). He said that he has never been completely honest about this before because it would hurt my "fragile ego" and send me into an "emotional spiral".
When we were first married, he was in good shape, but about ten years ago, he started putting on weight, too. He is currently 6'0" and 260lbs. He says that he knows that it's not fair, but he's just being honest about how he feels.
Currently I'm considering getting bariatric surgery, vs trying to do my best to diet and exercise while working full time and raising three kids with him, vs calling it quits and trying to find someone who likes my body the way it is. I have a fairly high sex drive and I'm feeling very frustrated.
Again, sorry for venting here. Not something I'd be willing to admit to family or friends but just needed to get it off my chest and this seems like a safe space.
Hi, anon. Sorry you're going through this.
Now, to paraphrase AITA (and r/relationship_advice, and r/relationships) You don't have a weight problem. You have a husband problem.
It shouldn't take a midwife to know that bodies change after giving birth and it seems you've done that three times. And that's not even getting into the normal weight gain that comes with aging. Nobody looks the same as they looked 20 years ago (well, unless you're an immortal being--which I am definitely not by the way, 100% totally human shoemaker obstetrician right here)
Your husband knows this. He's aged and gained weight, too. And not to get all Freudian, but I'm betting his criticisms of you are actually projection of how he feels about himself. (Especially the "fragile ego" and "emotional spiral" part. Such classic projection it might as well be an old silent film.)
He probably didn't mean what he said about not being attracted to you for your entire twenty-year marriage, if you two were arguing when he said it. It was just something he knew he could say to hurt you in the moment.
That's not an excuse, by the way. Every relationship is gonna have fights (don't ask me how I know), but you shouldn't be fighting dirty against the person you love. Fuck nasty, sure. But not fight dirty.
Speaking of which, sex drives often wax and wane over the course of lifetimes, and relationships, and a group of two's respective shifts don't always line up. Still, if there's an ongoing mismatch then the couple should do their best to figure out a compromise that works for both of them.
Is your husband doing this?
Is he doing half the childcare so you have the free time to exercise?And relax, too, because you won't have the energy to exercise if you're too tired from work and childcare.
Is he doing half the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking so your whole family can eat a healthy diet?
Is he trying to get back into shape and lose weight himself?
And finally, the hard (pun intended) one--is he cutting back on "pornography!" (to quote Sandalphon) so he can direct the majority of his sexual energy towards you? Has he checked with a doctor about his testosterone levels? Blood flow?
You don't have to tell me, but the answers to these questions might tell you whether your husband is putting enough effort into your marriage to make it worth saving, versus calling it quits and finding someone who will appreciate your body the way it is--and there are many people who will (just ask @mrazfellco about my obsession with his belly and thick thighs)
But the most important person who needs to appreciate your body the way it is isn't your husband or a hypothetical post-divorce boyfriend. The most important person who needs to appreciate your body is you.
And so you need to do whatever it is that will make you feel good about yourself. That might be diet and exercise. That might be bariatric surgery. That might just be losing 260 pounds of husband.
But whatever it is, it needs to be for you.
Hope this helps.
Good luck to you, and have an ox rib (platonic)
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4433xyz · 5 months
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yunho tarot reading
public persona vs real personality
do i have his energy permission to do and share this reading? ace of swords, 6 of pentacles
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it's no wonder mingi and yunho are close friends, their personalities are incredibly similar!
persona
heavy, intimidating persona, specially because of ateez' concept. as often, his persona depends a lot on what's being asked of him, what type of content he's making. in general, yunho likes to present as someone who is self composed and reliable, traditional to please the elders yet sexy to please the youngers. he brings extensive power to performances and photoshoots, he likes to look scary sometimes as it's part of the concept. for entertainment purposes, yunho seems to think that the weirder the better, literal self humiliation came through in the cards, he likes to act as an annoying young brother to be funny. this also implies that the person he is on camera is intrinsically different from the person he is in private. he comes up as someone who is welcoming and warm, open to all types of people and non-judgmental. he is definitely a protector of those he sees suffering, as he himself has no problems, no issues and nothing that ever bothers him (🤥). yunho doesn't talk to other celebrities unless he's working with them, I don't think he cares about making friends based on status. I literally got the 3 of cups reversed amongst other cards for this section, he may not relate to the celebrity lifestyle/social life, and just not talk to anyone in a substantial or significant way. conversations seem superficial, like small talk about their job and the weather haha with fans, it's the very classic, tired thing of being obsessed with everyone of them all the time. he follows along to what each fan expects and plays a part/character, specially pretending to be romeo and juliette, "forbidden love" thing. he seems to be quite apathetic about this, this is the heaviest part of the reading, bringing some anxiety and headaches, the cards indicate boredom and a lack of care, it's just his job he don't care, but he may find it embarrassing and laugh at himself sometimes kkkkkkk oh the things we gotta do for money, like calling ourselves a dog
personality
oh yunho is very childlike, he may feel that he's growing up too slowly and doesn't feel like an adult. he can get often distracted and scared, needs someone to protect him from himself in a way. he can be quite self-centered and he doesn't try to be like everybody else, yunho is the type to figure out what works for him personally and go for that with confidence. he can also get vindictive, jealous and when he gets angry it can be extra scary or destructive as he's usually such an easy-going and nice guy (as I know tumblr, this doesn't mean that he beats up walls or people, he may just cut people off or cuss, I know this app loves drama). friends are a big part of yunho's life, he likes to be a leader instead of a follower, decide where they're hanging out, what they're doing, etc (peep yunho and mingi's entire dynamic haha) he prefers having a small number of honest and soulful friendships than an army of followers who only know his name and status. yunho enjoys all sorts of activities with friends, as long as they're together, he doesn't mind, they just gotta match. he enjoys sitting in a garden talking about his feelings as much as he enjoys pretending to be superheroes in a loud bar. his current friendgroup is probably filled with people he's known all or most of his life. yunho seems to hold intense gratitude towards his family, these are the people that know him the best, he'd never deny that. the ones that protect him and make him feel safe to be himself, he doesn't hide his emotions or pretend to be anything around them, he tends to just rest and do nothing around them, unproductive. some of what he considers family may not be blood relatives, found family. he rests by doing absolutely nothing and has fun by doing a lot, he enjoys things that test his morality and explore his psyche, also likes to live vicariously through others, watching stuff (tv, gameplay, youtube, sports, etc), hearing stories (podcasts, books, music, etc) or playing games. he likes the things that shake him up and bother him a bit, bring him out of himself comfort zone while still standing in comfort. when he's alone, he's just lazy, may lack direction and go into survival mode, aka only care about eat, sleep and poop. he may often distract himself to escape boredom by doing many things at once, he likes intense videogames and he may be the type to listen to music, while reading and eating at the same time. he may find his casual, alone self to be boring and try harder to be interesting when in public, he seems nervous about his identity, not in a worrying way, but in a "young adult who is naturally still growing his confidence and sense of self" way. he's also an incredibly supportive and giving person, he would literally die/kill for those he loves and would give away his own house if they needed one. yunho seems like the opposite of materialistic, but he still cares a lot about the quality of what he surrounds himself with, it seems that even when alone he's still trying hard to be a good artist, rehearsing and working beyond the hours requested and alone, he really loves art. he also seems really weird when he's alone, talking to himself, making himself laugh, he may like to prank people too. I'd describe his energy in the private section of the reading as a magical healing starry heart, he's innocent and just genuinely really nice.
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astrabear · 4 months
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Thoughts on sun/moon symbolism?
What a fascinating question to get with no context whatsoever! I have no idea how to answer it. Do you mean in general? In literature? In fandom? In The Old Guard in particular? Or just any thoughts I might happen to have lying around like spare change?
I'm going to go with the spare change approach.
First, a slight tangent: I got into the Old Guard fandom after having never been involved in fandom in more than a superficial way before. This means, for example, that I had no idea what the common fanfic tropes were. I'd see something and be like "my goodness! How creative! However did they think of that?" and it took a while to realize that's just, like, a thing that everyone knows about. "An AU in which one of them is a florist and the other a tattoo artist, that's interesting, I wonder what the draw was of those particular jobs..."
Anyway I saw a lot of sun/moon symbolism in art and fic, and sure, that makes sense, Joe calls Nicky "the moon when I'm lost in darkness," I dig it, it seems pretty popular. Then I joined tumblr (I started reading fic in summer 2020, joined a TOG Discord server in fall 2020, and didn't create a tumblr account until fall 2021. And I discovered that sun/moon symbolism is also a fandom thing, and people apply it to characters even when one of them doesn't call the other the moon. There was even a sun/moon character poll and I got very melodramatic about it just because it was a fun community bonding event.
But the thing is... after more than three years of TOG activity and especially after more than two years on tumblr and seeing how much of what happens in TOG happens elsewhere... I really don't have a whole lot of interest in tropes that tend to force characters into opposites/binaries. Joe = sun = warm, bright, passionate, loud, cheerful/ Nicky = moon = cool, pale, calm, quiet, inexpressive... they are so similar. They really really are. (They are also not the main characters and appear in a single two-hour movie, so most conclusions about their personalities and habits are extrapolated from very small details. Let's be honest, we've thought way more about this stuff than the writer and actors did and most of it is only one step above 'made up'.)
Also one of my pet peeves hates pet peeves is people trying to force these guys into some kind of weird heteronormative funhouse-mirror version of themselves that's just an awful tangle of misogyny and homophobia and racism. "Let's cast them as opposites" tends to overlap a little with this approach (so then you also get Joe = big, dominant, masculine, aggressive/ Nicky = small, submissive, feminine, meek) and that just makes me even more suspicious of the whole thing.
So... yeah. Those are my thoughts. I will say we've gotten some lovely fan art out of it.
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dykepulpfriction · 5 months
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Thoughts on aftg/star trek?
oh god. so many!
vulcan andrew. he fits the mold pretty well, except for the violence. I could see him similar to spock in that case, a half vulcan, which would add to the way hes kind of seen as an unpredictable character by the upperclassmen -- working with the idea that people who are both terran and vulcan dont fit perfectly into easy behavior stereotypes. im thinking a lot about the pocket book "mindshadow" where spock's "inconsistencies" get expored. in an aftg to tos recast, id put him as spock.
that brings me to neil, who i think in said recast is a really solid kirk. There's this one tumblr post by @/na-nanu talking about kirk's alienation, and one line that has stuck with me ever since i read it: "Kirk, while personable, is a fairly Vulcan human." this strikes me as so so neil. until they really get to know him better, the upperclassmen tend to read neil in opposition to andrew. neil, to those outside, is the more personable of the two, the one who feels. as we all know, neil and andrew are incredibly similar -- which is why i referenced that quote just now. like kirk, neil takes andrew as he is, and never asks for more than he can give.
more kirk qualities: neil is ride or die (literally) for his team, self-sacrificing and quick-witted. he's not afraid to lie or trick his way into getting what he wants. lets be honest, both of these men love a good ruse.
going back to andrew for a moment, the way andrew is talked about as unfeeling and monstrous rings a very similar bell to the way terrans talk about vulcans and their lack of emotional display. kirk can read spock better than anyone, sound familiar?
this gets its own bullet point because i dont know where to put it. not all of my thoughts on aftg/st are so matchy-matchy (like, trying to make things line up), but i think the episode "The Enemy Within" and Neil-Nathaniel-Only-One-Of-Them-Can-Survive-Both-Of-Them-Want-To-Live have got some interesting similarities. Nathaniel dying in that basement too, and such.
I feel like people might want to cast Kevin as McCoy, because of McSpirk, and how they're the main trio. but because of Spock and Bones' frequent disagreements, similarities, and general vibes i really see him as Aaron, who's more explosive then Kevin when it comes to Andrews apathy. Bones and his wife and kid back home are also kind of Katelyn-esque.
renee and uhura... i think that this parallel works if spock/andrew, vulcan andrew what have you, is at the core of this thing. theres a lot of similarities for everyone, but god. he's the reason i'm even thinking about tos and aftg together. the "unlikely" friendship, everyone thinking they have a thing, bonding over a shared activity (but its music instead of beating the shit out of each other)
i can really imagine andrew getting into star trek. its a really good "what if?" show that i think he'd enjoy, given his feelings on the zombie apocalypse. renee could definitely get into the morality aspect as well. i can see them talking about the questions in the epsodes, like "so what would you do if your evil clone tried to take over the ship?" and the like. Andrew seeing himself in Spock, seeing someone who also can only deal with his emotions on the lowest volume, and him being loved nonetheless. Maybe seeing a little bit of his not-boyfriend-nothing Neil in Kirk.
another thing about spock/andrew. they are both surprisingly open! I'd have to go back and look to find the exact post, but someone made a great post about how kirk is actually not that forthcoming about his past/life, while spock, if you literally just ask him, will tell you a lot! this i think is hilariously similar to neil being seen as the more open one, when he is actually so cagey and full of false pasts, while andrew will answer most questions. people just never seem to ask (until neil, ofc).
There's definitely more where this came from, so ill add on to this later, but im battling a bit of a headache right now and need to end it here. Thank you so so much for the ask, im excited to hear what you think!!!!!!!!
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industria-adastra · 9 months
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[Twisted Wonderland x Puella Magi Madoka Magica] - What to do when you reload in the wrong universe? - [HEARTSLAYBUL] - PART 2
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Note: For some reason, formatting on tumblr is indeed a pain in the butt. Other than that here's an update
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It’s LUNCHTIME. The time when everyone would fistfight each other for the special meal of the day. Tbh NRC has nice lunches; it’s a freaking buffet, for goodness sake. 
The group goes to get lunch, and things seem relatively peaceful. So of course, Grim starts a touch of chaos the moment Homura thinks it’s safe to let him go. Should’ve just kept Grim in a death grip until you got lunch, Homura.
By a touch of chaos, I mean Grim breaks someone’s (an upperclassman) carbonara spaghetti egg. And because NRC students don’t know when to pick their battles, they attempt to start a battle in the cafeteria (an awful decision, really).
Is Homura going to intervene? Am I going to make her intervene?
Yeah but not exactly in the way you’re guessing
She’s going to try, in her own way, to defuse the situation. This means as per tradition she’s going to actually make it escalate because Homura and persuasive speaking are like oil and water. Or maybe even like a grease fire and water.
Homura tries to bring up how stupid it is to, you know, fight with underclassmen over slightly damaged egg carbonara, of all things. An appeal to common sense (and a poke to their egos). Besides, weren’t they going to break the yolk anyways, since they were going to eat it? It’s a small, paltry thing to get so worked up about, in her all too blunt opinion.
This absolutely does not make the situation any better. In fact, it makes it worse, because now the seniors think they’re being condescended by a child. 
Ace and Yuu think they have never seen someone so bad at defusing the situation they turn the fire up to eleven. Ace, however, is a shining example of a pot encountering a kettle and not realising it has shared traits. Perhaps this is also foreshadowing for Ace’s later unfortunate choice of language. 
Due to plot convenience, these guys have about one brain cell rattling around in an abstract, collective shared mind space. They take one look at this kid and go “Freshman. Small. CAN TAKE ON IN A FIGHT.”
Actually, canon does kind of actively shove it in our faces how extraordinarily eager delinquent-type NRC students are to fight literally anyone. So maybe I am justified in making them try and fistfight a middle schooler. 
They try to engage Homura in a fight. Aka they’re doing that thing where someone puffs out their chest and squares up (literally). Homura is trying to back out because:
She’s shown to be rather non-confrontational in canon. 
In her experience, ignoring these people often works because they’re at least more bark than bite. (Or rather, Homura has sort of thought that by clamming herself up—metaphorically speaking—things won’t affect her as badly because before things…never really changed no matter how proactive she was (I am referring to both her past as a bullied child over something she had no control over, and her long-term experience with other volatile pubescent girls)
Homura would really like to not get punched in a cafeteria.
One of them attempts to get physical with Homura, who’s darting away as fast as possible. She’s not looking for a fight and would like to not show up to her next class looking like she just got in one.
Yuu is not having it. Deuce is not having it. Grim is not having it because while Homura scares him a little (read: a lot) he’s not gonna let these guys push around his #2 Henchman (henchwoman?). Ace is seemingly vibing in the background but actually, he high-key wants to see the guys get pummeled it’s a case of fire meets fire. Like, he’s a jerk himself but these guys were also jerks (also Homura is a little bit baby to him so it’s completely justified in his honest opinion.
Yuu is putting that swim training to good use by yoinking the offender’s arms and going “DO NOT.” Grim bites one of them. I don’t think he has magic rabies. Deuce wants to clock them but doesn’t because he’s in the public eye, so he just allows Yuu to go to town on them. Ace watches on the sidelines, noting Yuu’s great attachment to the girl with the magical equivalent of an automatic gun. He also thinks it’s hilarious that the mages are being bodied by the new non-magical student—conveniently ignoring the fact that Yuu most definitely never skipped arm, leg, and the rest of his body, day.
Homura is left wondering about the feeling one gets when people are willing to stand up for you. (She’s also left wondering if highschool would ever be as ridiculous as the one she was experiencing right now) Perhaps it’s a completely out-of-place feeling to be felt when watching someone body two people for you, but human emotions are irrational. To her, it’s a warm sort of feeling, even if she thinks she could’ve just dealt with it herself.
Mostly, I think Homura needs a few scenes to be protected, rather than constantly trying to be the strong one. 
The fight is resolved, and everyone’s hungry. Yuu has an allowance for food and other necessities here because Crowley would get Mcmurdered Mcssasined in his sleep if the staff knew he basically dumped off a bunch of otherworlders into a large shack and called it a day. That and I ooc-ed him a little into someone that sees these kids/Homura and goes, ok maybe they need a little something, at least.
Just enough so that there are no additional PR problems. Or so he says to himself. Oh, he boasts about it for sure, but it sounds as phoney as always.
Elaborating on this: Crowley often boasts about his kindness/generosity when he’s…definitely not being generous. So I think when he is doing something because he actually cares, then he justifies it weirdly to himself. Of course, this is simply pure imagination, and not strictly in line with his canonically displayed personality. 
I call it the “Homura sympathy effect”. When you see this emo little kid you just invite yourself in as her family/friend because it’s actually kind of depressing watching Homura if you observe carefully enough.
They finally buy lunch. Homura gets a plate of omurice. Yuu says it’s because Homura is a growing child. Homura is suddenly violently reminded that, yes, she can actually grow right now. 
She does her best to not choke on her food. This means she instead stares blankly at her food as if she’s been confronted with a crisis of unimaginable proportions.
Oh god, Homura thinks, Madoka doesn’t exist. Oh god, she continues to monologue in her head, I can’t access my powers anymore.
(She can’t go back if something goes irreversibly wrong, wrong, wrong—)
The omurice, to her, tastes really good. The egg is fresh and creamy; the rice combined with the demi-glace sauce and the soft vegetables should be normal on her tongue but maybe it’s been years and years, and sometimes she’d find that food tasted like nothing at all.
(Distantly, Homura thinks that Madoka will never be able to eat something like this ever again. Distantly, Homura wonders when the taste of fresh food ever become so foreign to her.)
But I suppose any kind of actually fresh food would taste good if you’ve been sustaining yourself off determination and cup noodles.
Just the bare minimum so you don’t waste magic making up for hunger.
Yuu carefully watches her eat as he does so himself. Ace and Deuce are bickering in the background and Grim is tearing into his own food with gusto. Homura mechanically eats her meal with the precision of a surgeon and the speed of a machine. He hopes that Homura liked the meal. He wonders what Homura would normally eat, all alone by herself.
Yuu gets the feeling that Homura hasn’t really been eating well for quite some time.
And then Cater shows up. 
Who is this guy? Homura has zero ideas. The rest of the group has many violent ideas. Oh, they tricked Yuu (and the others) into doing his work for him. Hm. (Down goes a couple of points for Homura’s opinion of Cater. While I’d say Homura does try her best to be not as judgemental as possible because goodness knows how much she herself has received, these are people she’s bonded with on some level, so a little bias (TM) comes into play. Even if Ace can be a jerk, and Grim's basically a bratty kid)
Ever the conversationalist, Homura’s as quiet as a church mouse. But that’s fine, since Cater’s deadlift the majority of the conversation anyways.
Cater is already evaluating the new member of the group aka Homura. He remembers Riddle complaining about certain people breaking school rules during the assembly. He is kind of surprised she's still here though, since knowing the headmaster Homura should've gone home by now. So there must be something…
She’s definitely a little…quieter, and more solemn and serious than he expected a fourteen-year-old to be. Cater definitely remembers his sisters never being like Homura. But it’s probably a personality variation thing. After all, everyone’s different, and Homura's no exception to the individuality of people in general.
Yet her eyes still unsettle him, ever so slightly. He's not sure if the freshmen and the other unsorted student(?) realize it, but Homura's eyes… There’s a hardness in them, and an emptiness that lingers. (He wonders if she was ever forced to grow up too quickly, forced to understand certain hard truths of reality too quickly.)
Although, maybe at least one of them realises it, seeing as Yuu’s practically hovering over her like an oversized mother hen. Well, it’s not really his problem to deal with anyways. 
Cater laughs and smiles, acting casual and playing the perfect role of a relaxed upperclassman. He’s pretty sure it does nothing to ease their earlier grudges (which, well, fair enough—most NRC students aren’t really the forgive and forget type anyways)
And just in time for him (Cater’s one-hundred percent sure they’re all starting to get annoyed with him), Trey enters the scene, wielding his nonchalance like a well-sharpened sword. He’s polite, calm and collected—acting as a voice of reason even though he’s just slid to their table knowing full well their…colourful reputations in this school. (She had heart problems, not hearing problems)
Homura’s sorely reminded of Mami with this third-year, and his verbal slip regarding his less-than-stellar opinion of Ramshackle dorm (even if arguably justified) is one that has her also putting her opinion of him on the fence.
Cater brings up getting their numbers
The numbers are incompatible rip Cater (Homura simply didn’t bring up the fact that data roaming wouldn’t even apply in another world—he’d figure it out on his own later anyways. Or hear it from someone else. Whichever comes first.)
It’s not like isekai (aka inter-universal/inter-universal/inter-whatever) services are included in standard sims provided in Japan—no matter how prevalent the isekai genre is
But also I ask you all to imagine Cater looking at Homura’s utter desert of a contact list.
There’s like maybe three tumbleweeds and it’s:
The hospital she lived in for years on end
Her uncle(‘s secretary) — anyone who hasn’t read ANAI aka “As N Approaches Infinity” is missing out also screw Homura’s uncle in that fic he sucks
Mitakihara Middle School’s front desk 
Yuu, in comparison, has like a bajillion phone numbers. All with their own little nicknames such as “Core day every day”, “Down bad for pixels”, “(Putting) The L in LGBT”, or “Mission control centre” (That actually refers to his family phone’s number)
Very awkward for Cater, and Yuu, who are either starting to get or are getting more information on how socially disconnected Homura might’ve actually been
Briefly, Cater wonders if Homura was homeschooled
Trey is having ✨flashbacks✨ to Riddle’s own upbringing and wondering if there’s any connection to the few phone numbers and an implication of a lack of friends. He puts that thought out of his mind because he’s not really in any position to pry (and we all know how well the first and last time he tried turned out)
Then Trey starts giving an intro on the dorms like a tutorial menu narrator
Of course, when the obligatory ‘Epel is as pretty as a girl” statement pops up, Ace can no longer call Grim and Deuce morons as NRC is no longer an all-boys school with the inclusion of Homura
Anyways, Lilia shows up(side down)! 
Bat Gramps gives everyone a heart attack!! Homura wonders if this is how it feels to be on the other end of a time-stop
When Lilia says that Diasomnia is very hospitable and welcoming, instead of Silver and Sebek being 🗿 they are carefully inspecting (read: Silver is concerned but he looks dead serious. Sebek is less concerned and more “????they haven’t sent the tiny human back home??? Suspiscious.”)
Actually Sebek is both a little confused and a bit like “wow this new human child must be very good to still be here in a uniform”. Unfortunately for him he… looks more like he’s glaring. 
Homura is 🗿 tho. She just wants to have a peaceful lunch what on earth is happening
Ofc since Homuhomu is here, canon diverts as in Lilia stays a little longer and flits around Homura like a bat from hell. 
“My oh my, it’s you again. How have you been, young one?” (coming from someone who looks no older than 18)
“...I am…fine.” (be easy on her Homura’s doing her best)
Yuu just slides closer to her because who is this weirdo why is everyone in this school so weird maybe that’s what Magic highschool(™) actually does to people
To Homura, Lilia feels…odd. It’s not quite like Madoka (The Law of Cycles now), so young yet so wrapped within aeons of time; a newly born law, yet with a history beyond time. He feels more like Walpurgisnacht. There is an unspoken history behind this highschooler, and he’s just focused on her ring. Lunchtime was turning out to be terrible. Maybe it was a good thing she often skipped lunches at Mitakihara Middle School.
“Oh? Is that…?”
Homura has just given up and pretended she does not see™. If she tries to hide it she’ll draw unwanted attention. If she tries to explain she’ll give it unwanted attention and there was no guarantee her explanation would be credible enough. So she just… Did not see. If the others are interested they’ll watch anyways so it’s better to just pretend to be completely disinterested in the fact that Batman lite is staring at her literal soul—pretend it’s no biggie. 
Of course, her body language has completely closed off, and now Yuu’s gently pushing away Lilia. 
“Hey, maybe not so close, alright?”
“Of course, forgive me for that—and for disrupting your meal. I do hope we can converse again. ” He looks at Homura, Yuu, and Grim, before adding, “Especially the three of you.” Then he peaces out aka teleports back to his lunch
Of course, Ace still slanders Riddle at lunch like in canon. Even if Yuu frantically made abort motions. Homura just stares at the scene, already knowing how it’s probably going to pan out. 
No one likes being talked about behind their back like that. She’d know a lot about how that felt like. After all, that’s what happened to her.  
And wuh-oh wouldn’t you know? Riddle’s right behind Ace. Deuce puts Ace out of his misery. Yuu has his head in his hands. Homura quietly sighs and continues eating her lunch. Cater and Trey have stiffer smiles than overmixed egg-white mixtures. As Ace continues to dig his own grave—going past six feet and beyond, Homura takes the chance to observe Heartslaybul’s Housewarden. 
Her first impression is that: He’s…not that much taller than her at all (Riddle is 160 cm whilst Homura is about 158 cm). But he looks incredibly prim and proper—definitely the image of what someone expects of a Dorm Leader.
Her second impression is that Riddle is rather strict. And very used to having authority, if the way Cater immediately folds to his words is any indicator of that trait. Perhaps Ace wasn’t completely wrong about his dorm leader being rather unyielding, personality-wise.
However, Ace…isn’t doing himself any favours at all, so Homura also chalks it up to Ace having zero brain-to-mouth filter.
Grim identifies him as the guy who sealed his magic, and Riddle, in turn, identifies them as the students who nearly got expelled + singles out Homura like Why are you still here??? Presumably as a student too if the magestone is any indication. To him, it breaks the rules and sets a bad example. 
In fact, Riddle even starts a little speech about how rulebreakers only cause chaos, and shouldn’t be, under any circumstances, tolerated.
Aaand now Riddle’s reminding Homura of Sayaka, in a bad way.
So she goes: There is nowhere for her (and Yuu by extension) to go in Twisted Wonderland. They’re not inhabitants of this world (in case he uh, forgot that like how the story seems to often do that whenever you don’t know Disney/Japanese-inspired tradition #659 like an idiot because you come from planet Earth), therefore NRC kind of does need to bend the rules for them unless they want bad PR (She’s seen enough of what her Uncle used to get up to in the hospital through magazines, social media and the television. He flung around money and time as if there was nothing else to live for but his own hedonism.)
Riddle, of course, at this stage of the story, rejects that notion because he thinks there could be other alternatives. Bro is debating with a 14 year old.
Yuu, as nice and kind as he is, also gives his two cents. As in, “I sure hope you can get Crowley to reconsider then.” He says this with a singular (1) eyebrow raised whilst wiping Homura’s mouth.
Homura is blue-screening for a hot five minutes because wow ok that was ???? Yuu asked,  “Is anyone gonna take care of this kid?” and did not wait for a single reply.
Ace tries to get his collar removed even though he shit-talked Riddle in front of his face. Ace has balls bigger than Jupiter I guess. Not that it’s helping him or anything.
Homura also bears witness to Riddle’s ability to memorise rules. Not all 810 of them but he definitely knows his rules if he’s jumping from rule 271 to rule 339. He still reminds her of Sayaka in a bad way though. All too unyielding to others. 
Hopefully for him, it won’t be to the very bitter end.
Oh, and she also learns that Trey is vice-housewarden, which… She supposed there probably was an alternative reason as to why Cater and Trey approached them—seeing the way they interacted with Heartslaybul’s Housewarden.
And judging from the loud displays of dismay from surrounding Heartslaybul students, not only is Riddle a strict and unyielding dorm leader, but he also has his dorm students under an iron-clad grip.
Trey tries to do a little damage control after low-key informing everyone of Riddle’s extreme magical prowess (strong enough to become Housewarden before the end of his first week at school). He does so by attempting to soften the blow of Riddle’s actions by basically saying: he’s not a bad guy and everything he does is because he thinks it’s better for the dorm. 
Which, to be honest, Homura has heard many variations of that. Hell, she’s basically done outwardly terrible actions in the name of the greater good (for her friends). (Not like it ever worked)
She can get that. 
But Riddle still did mildly get on her nerves, even if Homura would never show that in a million years or resets.
Grim, thankfully, raises the question of the ethics of Riddle collaring anyone as he pleases—although it’s less that and more him airing out his own grievances with getting collared and having his magic sealed too.
Both Yuu and Homura are quick to remind Grim that it was kind of his fault for, you know, setting the hall on fire.
Diverging from canon again, this time it’s Ace and Deuce who ask about Unique Magics and thus Riddle’s particular Unique Magic. Now that they re-explain what Riddle could do with his Unique Magic… Homura is sure she’ll have to be careful around him.
She doesn’t want to know what would happen if she gets collared.
Would there be a way to learn how to prevent it from being applied to someone?
Of course, back to the story: Riddle’s loud and clear live demonstration of “Off With Your Head” does him no favours in portraying him as someone wanting the best for his students.
And as we skip past the further dialogue on Grim’s opinion of the Unique Magic’s name (i.e. completely bonkers and terrifying), Cater’s explanation of why exactly it feels so terrible to have a collar (mostly for Yuu’s benefit), and Trey attempting to downplay it by going “As long as you follow the rules, you’ll be fine. Riddle isn’t that scary.” 
We stop at Ace asking if he legitimately can’t be let into the dorm if he doesn’t get a replacement tart for the one he ate.
He can’t. In addition to that, it’s also an established rule. Homura thinks that’s kind of a stupid rule. Yuu outright says that it’s kind of a weirdly harsh rule. I mean, replacing what you unfairly took is important, but taking away your room whilst you haven’t…didn’t sound like the best rule.
Ace would like to add that it is, in fact, a really harsh rule—since he’s the one getting collared and being left without a place to sleep in (something that could’ve happened if Ramshackle wasn’t inhabited by Yuu, Homura and Grim, who tidied up some part because they are on another level of homeless)
Trey and Cater… definitely realise this, but currently at this part of Heartslaybul’s book, they don’t actually have the power to tell this to Riddle and not expect to be reprimanded or worse. So they just awkwardly laugh. Cater just tries to transition to telling Ace that Riddle usually looks forward to the tarts, and they’re hand-made by Trey—Ace just needs to replace the tart he ate with another one and things will be fine after that.
Homura…isn’t sure about that, but if it’s all about following the rules then the logic seems sound? But if not then… Ah well, she’ll see what happens then and take action from there. 
A little segment of Trey hand-made the tarts??? Those really good-looking really tasty-looking tarts??? (Ace’s words) 
Yeah he’s from a baker's family lmao (Just for you guys who can’t read my mind: this is Cater)
“Aren’t tarts like that extremely expensive?” That is true Deuce. “Ace, why don’t you try doing it by hand? It’ll be cheaper that way, although I’m not sure about the quality,” says Yuu. Wow Yuu, lots of confidence in Ace there. 
But Yuu is correct. Ace can’t bake.  
Well, perhaps Trey could help? He is the vice-housewarden. And the one who baked the tarts—so he’s well acquainted with Riddle’s tastes. That’s what Homura adds to the brewing discussion.
At that moment, Kalim and Jamil FINALLY ARRIVE ON THE SCENE… While the Heartslabyul dudes start talking about making a tart from scratch. 
Kalim’s like “Oh hey Homura!!! :D” He did say he’d find her and he did!!! Kalim’s so happy to spend the rest of his lunchtime with his new friend.
Jamil helped a lot. And by a lot, I meant he went through statistical analysis inside his head that culminated into nothing because Kalim rolled a nat20 on luck and perception.
Oh who are these people? Well, Homura introduces them as “My upperclassmen: Al-Asim— (Oops nearly used Last name–First name format) Kalim Al-Asim, and Jamil Viper.” With her soft, serious tone, it sounds less like she’s introducing potential new friends she made and more like management introduced new colleagues. Having around five (5), and quite possibly fewer, friends + her entire background makes this very much a work in progress.
She’s picked up on the fact that Twisted Wonderland uses the ‘First name–Last name” format instead of ‘Last name–First name’ like Japan. Although, Homura did noticeably stumble. But hey, she caught herself in time.
Yuu confidently says, with his whole chest out (figuratively), “Izumi Yuu, nice to meet you.”
I finally thought of a last name for Yuu, so he’ll be known as “Izumi Yuu/Yuu Izumi” from now on. I figured that if I’m also going to build Yuu as a character by adding information here and there about him, then he might as well get a last name.
Ace: “Wait your name was Izumi this whole time?”
Yuu: “Oh no that’s my surname. I’m Japanese.” (Which sadly explained nothing)
Ace & Co: “???”
Yuu: “Ah. Right. Forgot about that.”
Homura: “From where we came from, it was common to introduce ourselves using our last names first, instead of our first names.”
Kalim’s actually wondering what they were discussing earlier. They were discussing Trey helping Ace bake a replacement tart for the one he ate.
Trey can bake? Jamil’s also good at that!! Jamil corrects that he’s only mediocre at pastries/baked goods like the ones Trey makes (Which are more “Western” in design)
Trey would like to see how good Jamil is at baking. His glasses glint as his fingers lightly grip one of the sides again. In fact, speaking of baking, he could help Ace with the baking. But he’ll need something in return.
No one does anything for free in NRC, after all— No it’s not cash Ace. 
Trey wants chestnuts. Two hundred to three hundred of them. Boiled, shelled, and pureed. Riddle wants a chestnut tart so… Kalim thinks that sounds fun! Jamil is quick to tell Kalim that, no
Kalim, you have a meeting later Kalim you can’t go.
Maybe next time Kalim
Ace, Deuce and Grim are out though no labour for them no siree
Homura calmly sips on her tea and states that Ace doesn’t have much of a choice.
You’re right, Homura, but you could’ve said that a bit nicer lmao
Now Ace has to confront his unwanted reality aka he needs to go get two to three hundred chestnuts and prepare them for baking.
And then Cater and Trey team up to make them want to bake. The killing blow is being able to eat a tart after baking them. Hook, line, and sinker; just like that, they’re in.
Yuu’s in for it—He’ll make sure Grim doesn’t act out. Also, tart.
Homura…would like to study more ways to leave Twisted Wonderland. But then Yuu looked at her like he fully wanted her to join and ok she caved.
Mostly everyone is discussing chestnuts now. Where to get them? botanical garden? Alright. And Trey’s baking skills. And tarts. Mostly tarts.
Oh and Kalim’s plans to have Homura over for a mini-party aka eat Jamil’s food. Everyone in this group right now is also very much invited because the more the merrier!!!
But why does he want to throw a mini-party for Homura? Because one she helped him and two she’s baby. He does not say this outright but he basically implies she has a kicked wet puppy aura mixed with her serious aura and that’s no good for someone who helped him out :(   
It’s a mini-party because Kalim mostly just wants to get to know potential new friends this time. He can throw a spontaneous dorm-wide party next time!
Kalim decides to walk Homura to class again, because why not? She’s a new student and Kalim likes her—which means a potential new friend in his books! (And Jamil remembered her schedule + their classes aren’t too far away so Jamil’s fine with it) This time though, Yuu, Grim, and the rest of the Heartslaybul boys (minus Riddle) decide to tag along. It’s probably more entertaining than a normal day if they follow, especially for Trey and Cater.
Jamil just wants a (Twisted Wonderland) Ibuprofen. 
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persephonesdesires · 5 days
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✫ Self Reflecting with Persephone ✫
I’m in the later half of my 20s, I have a career I love, an apartment I’ve made into my home, so many awesome friends that I keep up with regularly, and I’m so incredibly proud of how far I’ve come.
BUT..
When it comes to romance and relationships and sex…I feel like I know almost nothing.
I’ve done so little compared to others my age, and I know it’s not good to compare but I’m really worried what this will mean for my future. I’ll be honest about my experience, I’ve had boyfriends in high school and college, gave oral to them and explored with touching but that was it. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was almost 23, and it wasn’t bad but it was weird and foreign and I only had sex with him a few more times after that. …and then a pandemic hit.. and we all know how that put our lives on hold. I watched my young 20s fly by so quickly, with basically nothing to say for them because I was trapped at home. Then last spring I got the opportunity to have a threesome with a couple I had become friends with. Oh. My. God! Me? Invited to something that sexually advanced? that hot and wild and pleasurable? Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I would have said yes to such a thing. But I did say yes, and it was so SO HOT. There was no penetration for me but I was fine with that. I was over the moon to go down on them both and to have them both go down on me.. To experience and treasure and explore both a woman and man’s bodies all in the same bed as me. It was exhilarating and taught me a lot about what I liked and how I wanted to be touched and pleasured and I’m so grateful for that experience.
It’s been almost a year since then though.. and I have done NOTHING since then. There is an argument that I should go out more, talk to more people, and flirt more and show interest when I feel it, and I want to be clear I do try to flirt when I meet someone I think I’d like. But everything has fizzled out rather quickly or in general I’m not around anyone I’d really like to try and date. So I instead chose to look within, I’ve learned a lot from places like tumblr and doing my own self exploration of what I like, what I think I’d like, what I want to try and what is a hard no for me. What type of relationship I’d like to be in, what expectations and desires I have for a partner, what sexual activities and kinks I’d like. I feel like I have a good idea of this all. But I’m missing the practice, the actual experience of being with another person, whether casual or romantically. In cliché terms, I can talk the talk but I haven’t had the chance to walk the walk yet.
I look around me and I see so many different kinds of people in relationships, casual or committed and romantic or sexual alike, people of every shape, size, height, weight, race, age, gender, and so much else. And I’m happy for them, but it almost feels like they know a secret I don’t, and no one will tell me. They won the game of life and I’m just trying to learn how to play still..
And I feel ..Broken? Defunct? Left behind?
I struggle with how this all makes me feel mentally. I tell myself we all grow and experience life at our own paces, in my heart I know that, but I want my pace to speed up, because I’m so damn tired of being left behind.
I’ll keep dreaming and trying to find someone I really like and want to get to know. And until then, I’ll be here, doom scrolling on tumblr and coming up with long ass text posts no one will be reading.
This post is for my own benefit, to voice out my feelings and worries. But if any of you resonate with my words, feel free to comment or reblog, and most importantly know that you are not alone in this world.
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cheapsweets · 18 days
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The nocuous Shonweak
My response to this week’s BestiaryPosting challenge from @maniculum
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Jinhao shark fountain pen with fine, hooded nib, with Monteverde Raven Noir ink, over initial pencil sketch. I'd considered adding some colour, but didn't have time this week; imagine it's got telltale orange/yellow and black warning colouration :)
It's been interesting trying to relearn pen shading techniques from scientific illustration again (as ever, suspect going a bit bigger would make this easier, I'm also going to have another rummage through my pens to see if I can find an even finer nib, since the one's I've been using don't come close to using a dip pen).
Reasoning under the cut;
The Shonweak is so called because it is proof against fire.
Okay, first things first, we get no indication about what type of creature this is. My default assumption when the bestiary authors don't give us any more detail is that is must be a Beast, but I've been wanting to mix it up a bit. But what to go for...?
Of all poisonous creatures, it has the strongest poison. Other poisonous creatures kill one at a time; it can kill several things at the same time. For if it has crawled into a tree, it poisons all the apples and kills those who eat them. In addition, if it falls into a well, the strength of its poison kills those who drink the water.
Okay, a poisonous critter, and not just poisonous, the most poisonous...! Okay, this narrows it down a bit. We get some creatures that are occasionally poisonous due to their diet (including certain birds, and snakes!), but mostly we're looking at amphibians, insects, echinoderms, fish, flatworms, and some others too.
This also made me think about the line between poisonous and venomous. We've all been on tumblr a while, so we've probably seen the memes, but technically the main difference is that poisonous animals deliver their toxin passively (in this context, being eaten is passive...)
We also know that this thing can crawl into a tree, so must be able to climb (that eliminates most fish, for starters).
I've gone for a beetle, since drawing an arthropod is pretty different from anything I've done thus far. Main influences are;
The diabolical ironclad beetle, a tiny awesome critter that is nigh on indestructable. It has a flattened body, fused elytra, and a cool, knobbly surface to its armour; I gave the elytra a bit of an overlap, so it could consider clamping its body down if it gets into a sticky situation (like a fire).
Bombadier beetles; in case you're not aware of them, their defence mechanism is spraying near-boiling noxious chemicals at attackers (you'll also be familiar with them if you've ever read the Spider World books by Colin Wilson!). The most famous ones are yellow and black, and you can see the nozzle on the end of its abdomen.
While the bombadier beetle does actively spray toxins, keeping them in its body also makes it poisonous - best of both worlds!
Also can't deny the influence of the blue death feigning beetle, a very aestheic insect indeed, and if I'm honest, the tanker bug from Starship Troopers...!
I did look at large beetles like the goliath beetle for some inspiration, especially around the legs (I imagine the Shonweak to be pretty big as beetles go), but decided against it since they're a lot fancier, and I figured a tough, fire-braving critter like this to be a little plainer and unadorned.
It resists fire and alone among creatures can put fires out. For it can exist in the midst of flames without pain and without being consumed by them, not only because it does not burn but because it puts the fire out.
Okay, if this is the creature I strongly suspect it is, this is an interesting wrinkle to the mythology around it; it's proof against fire because it puts the fire out (not something I've heard before). I'll have more to say if it does turn out to be what I suspect...
Okay, hear me out... The bombadier beetle combines exothermic chemicals in its body to produce its boiling, caustic spray... What if a creature could do something similar for a seriously endothermic reaction; it would be almost like a tiny, living fire extinguisher... I imagine the Shonweak as a bomadier beetle relative, spraying freezing toxins at enemies (or just generally if stuck in a fire, or if it falls down a well, or if those apples are looking particularly hostile...)
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ari-kari · 2 months
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Hey.
So, at some point in the last month, someone sent me this ask/welfare check that has since…disappeared?? And I don’t know where it went. But I thought I’d give an update anyways. (TW for SI/mental health talk. I tried to make it a read more but I am ~technologically illiterate~)
In short: I had a really, really, really bad mental health relapse. Like, the “almost died” kind. At the moment I am not an active danger to myself, but I’m not gonna lie - shit’s pretty scary right now. It’s taken a month just to get to the point where I had enough confidence in my recovery to make a tumblr post about it, and things are still far more touch-and-go than I’d like.
But it hasn’t been all bad. I went back to residential and started ketamine, which has helped (I think???). I got a new diagnosis that I absolutely should’ve had from the beginning of this journey. And I’ve started writing again. My endurance isn’t what I’d like it to be, but at least it’s happening.
To be honest, I’m scared as hell right now. I’ve never been this bad before, and that means I’m wandering in completely uncharted terrain. But I want to get better - for myself, and for my family. And I’m going to try until I can’t anymore to make that happen.
Thank you all for your love and support. Fingers crossed I can get through this gnarly spell🤞🏻
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petrichoraline · 8 months
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For the honest answer ask game: what's the history of your blog? (this really just includes how/when you began blogging on tumblr, content, your interactions and your special moments on here etc; whatever you wish to prioritize for the ask in context).
honest hour question answered 3 days later <3 truly hope the wait was worth it love hahah
as someone who's gone through my archive already, you know i started out as a bts fan account in 2015. (my previous blog is not gonna be discussed for the simple reason that it's barely relevant to this one)
i believe i used to tag and organise my reblogs? there was a time where i cared enough and i loved srolling through my own blog, i stopped enjoying that when i became more involved w/ fandom on here and things weren't aesthetics based anymore. i don't like going through it that much now. i used to play around with themes, search for them, tweak colours and fonts for hours. after i returned years later there was an issue with the editor so now i can't change my theme at all and it sucks cause i just want to edit a few things.
so it started of as a bts fanblog, then i started rb-ing other kpop stuff, maybe afterwards i started sharing gifsets from movies and series i liked? as for fandom, i had a good amount of mutuals - accidentally became one with a girl from my country, we went out once and it was very nice <3 procrastinated and lost track fo tag games back then too lmaoo i felt a lot of dissatisfaction over it so i try to do everything now with my current fandom :)
back then is when i started reading fanfiction - i believe my first imagine was a taegi one where v was an artist and yoongi a photographer lol i stumbled upon it on the dash randomly and i got introduced to ao3 a bit after
iirc for the following years after i'd stopped stanning bts, i used to come back either relatively often or once in a blue moon - in the beginning i was just enjoying wtv my dash was offering me or seeking out specific stuff, then i started using it as a tracklist of what shows i've watched haha, no tags, just rb after finishing a show.
i started engaging with fandom around the release of episode 5 of kinnporsche, i read a bunch of posts on here, then tms2 came around and i got even more into reading people's takes..at some point i started talking to people i guess hahah i don't even know when i started trying to put out content, so to say, i just know i was doing screenshot posts short before i found myself pushed to attempt gifs and that was after big dragon had just finished airing.
then i started my giffing journey. had support from @gillianthecat whom i loved giffing paulnice for. honestly that and the discussions we had were such an important part of me having fun with this site and keeping it up. and @joyladagang, my self-proclaimed #1 hype woman, made me feel super welcome. then i got even more moots, at some point i started reaching out or actively reciprocating others attempts at getting closer (though i had been active in discussions before that, i just mean i got a bit braver and started acting more familiar with everyone (esp w/ ppl i got closer to through @joyladagang like @cankersoregirl, @feralmuskyscentedhoepran, @loserlesbianongsa etc.)
i'm grateful to a lot of people on here, truly. it's not supposed to be a shoutout post so i won't be tagging any more people (esp since i would have to tag everyone who follows me plus a bunch of people i follow which..it's a bit much) but i'm genuinely thankful for each person that enjoys my rants, gifs, theories or wtv the things i post classify as, whether they found a post by accident or follow the blog. and i'm grateful to the creators i follow, and i'm happy to talk to so many sweet, smart and funny individuals on various topics daily.
so this is where my blog is at right now - trying to do a bit of everything and talking a bit with everyone. my issue, tbh, is i'm trying a bit too hard to satisfy everyone which sounds ridiculous but i am a bit of a people pleaser at times so it checks out lol
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chronicallybloodless · 6 months
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Heavy to Hold - Chapter 4
Can You Be Honest
Pairing: Astarion x enby!tav Status: in progress Rating: Explicit (18+ only) Genre: angst/comfort | slow burn Alternating second-person POV Contains spoilers for the whole game basically TW: it's an astarion fic: descriptions of trauma, abuse, sexual violence, etc. | smut | full tag list on AO3 Read from the beginning: AO3 | Tumblr Listen to the Playlist
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“Well, I would hope none of us had any encounters with Lae’zel before.” Astarion mused, eliciting a scoff and glare from the Githyanki. “So, I suppose that just leaves myself and Tav. Surely we could have bumped into each other in a tavern at least once or twice?” Now he was the one looking at you expectantly. He seemed to really expect the answer to be yes, but you couldn’t recall seeing him a day in your life before he had literally put a blade to your neck.
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Tav's POV
You weren’t really sure how you got yourself into these kinds of messes. You had woken up on a Mindflayer ship, infected with a parasitic tadpole that was threatening to sprout tentacles from your face. You managed to crash said ship with the help of an cross-dimensional warrior who seemed to think that people from Faerûn were barely sentient and a cleric who really needed to listen to some bards that weren’t actively mourning the loss of their one true love.
You then found an elf whose first instinct was to put a knife to your throat (which was a reasonable response given the circumstances, but still, quite rude), a wizard who got himself stuck in a portal, the legendary Blade of Frontiers himself, and a Tiefling with a machine for a heart. Oh, and some kind of mummy. He wasn’t really with the group, though. He just sorta….hung out at your camp.
Needless to say, this group of misfits was having a bit of trouble getting along. And as a bard, you had a professional obligation to bring this unlucky band of adventurers together.
Which was the nice way of saying that you were tired of trying to keep people from stabbing each other.
“Alright everyone, gather around!” You called out to the group, earning mostly annoyed groans in response. “I have a nice stew prepared, so let’s all have a lovely dinner and get to know each other a bit better.”
They didn’t seem enthused about the last part, but the promise of food was enough to get everyone’s attention. Soon they were all contentedly munching with no threats of violence.
“Okay, I’ll start. I’m Tav, and I’m a bard from Baldur’s Gate. I mostly play flute.”
“We’ve all been inside each other’s minds at this point, do we really need to engage in such a meaningless exercise?” Lae’zel scoffed between bites.
“Well I wouldn’t say getting to know the people we have a shared fate with is meaningless.” Gale offered, “I’m from Waterdeep, but I spend a lot of time in Baldur’s Gate as well. Sometimes the shops there are the only ones with the right tomes, you know.” He held your gaze while he spoke, as if the rest of the group wasn’t present.
“I’m from the Gate as well originally, but I haven’t been back there in quite some time.” Wyll added.
“Hey, me too!” Karlach added as she hungrily added another portion of stew to her bowl.
“Indeed, it would seem most of us are from Baldur’s Gate” Shadowheart mused, “How peculiar.”
“How exactly is it peculiar?” Astarion asked, “Baldur’s Gate is the only real form of civilization in this area. Of course that’s where most of us are from.”
“The Nautiloid could travel between dimensions in an instant.” Lae’zel responded, “It could have picked up anyone from anywhere.”
“Huh, so it is a bit odd for this group to have all been abducted, all survived the crash, and all been resistant to the power of the Absolute.” You added, proud that Lae’zel was willing to participate at all.
“Odd, but ultimately meaningless. Pure chance, nothing more.” Shadowheart stated with a sigh as she returned to her stew.
“Never discount the effects of chance, some of life’s most beautiful moments stem from it.” Gale added, again staring right at you.
“Speaking of chance,” Astarion interjected, “Given that we were all mostly from the same place, what are the odds that any of us have met before?”
“I spent a decade in the Hells, so I’m not sure I’d remember to be honest.” Karlach said as she leaned towards the stew pot for thirds, only to find it empty. She frowned for a moment before Astarion rolled his eyes and passed her the remainder of his bowl. She beamed at him before eagerly chowing down. You hadn’t expected him to be the generous type.
“I’m in much the same position.” Wyll nodded in agreement.
“My studies kept me fairly busy.” Shadowheart added, though she seemed somewhat guarded in her choice of words. “I didn’t really get out much.”
“Well, I would hope none of us had any encounters with Lae’zel before.” Astarion mused, eliciting a scoff and glare from the Githyanki. “So, I suppose that just leaves myself and Tav. Surely we could have bumped into each other in a tavern at least once or twice?” Now he was the one looking at you expectantly. He seemed to really expect the answer to be yes, but you couldn’t recall seeing him a day in your life before he had literally put a blade to your neck.
You knew you were lying when you introduced yourself as just a bard, but you had a feeling that “Hi I’m Tav and I’m a professional whore who men pay to step on them” wouldn’t have been the first step towards comradery that you were going for. Astarion’s expectant gaze suggested that he at least thought he had seen you before.
You sincerely hoped that he hadn’t been one of your clients at some point. Surely you would have remembered him if he had, given his striking appearance. He looked otherworldly in much the same way you did, with delicate elven features set apart by pallored skin and piercing red eyes. You of course were from another world—the Underdark. You wondered how a surface elf like Astarion ended up with similar features; perhaps he had Drow parentage as well.
Regardless, you would have remembered if he had ever paid you a visit at Sharess’ Caress, and from what little you knew about him, he seemed like someone who would be on the giving end of the kind of treatment your customers were after, not receiving. Maybe he had visited one of the other hosts, or had seen you around town and just remembered what you looked like. You hoped that if he was familiar with your professional work, he would keep it to himself.
You realized you had been lost in your own thoughts without answering. Astarion was still looking at you, his head cocked to the side and an eyebrow raised.
“Oh, those taverns can be so busy, who’s to say? I don’t think I recall meeting you before now.” You finally said, trying to play off the tension.
“Oh.” He said, sounding every so slightly disappointed. He didn’t push the issue further. “Well, that was a lovely meal and conversation everyone, but I think I will take a short walk before bed.” He stood, giving a slight bow before turning and heading into the woods beyond camp.
“Should someone go with him? Gods know what kinds of trouble lie out there in the dark.” Gale asked.
“No.” You replied. “I think he probably wants some time to himself. You all get some rest, I’ll clean up here and take first watch."
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lightning-hawke · 3 months
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I’ve been seeing a lot of discourse recently involving x reader fics, specifically Leon x reader fics, and while I can see where a lot of people are coming from, with him often being out of character and such, and a lot of “interesting” topics of fic points to put it nicely. Inc*st being one of them. I can’t help but doubt my own writing, do I write any form of anything inappropriate? No. I don’t even think I’ve written a kissing scene for Leon yet, but whenever people bring up problems in writing circles I’m in my brain automatically puts my work in the “problem” category. I mostly write angst and hurt/comfort a lot of longing, and sometimes since it’s angst Leon can be a bit cruel, but it’s never without reasons pertaining to his character and canon problems.
I don’t really know why I’m writing this to you, I guess I was just curious your opinion on the topic, do you ever feel like your writing is part of the problem? (I don’t think your fics are, I think they’re great and I think you characterize Leon very well for the settings you put him in.)
I struggle to feel like I belong in this fandom sometimes, since I don’t write a lot, and I’m mostly quiet on things, only reblogging things when I remember. I’m not really sure why I feel like I need to “earn” my place in the fandom, but I feel very on the outskirts
I completely get where you're coming from and to be honest, I do have times when I feel like my writing is part of "the problem". I try really hard to keep Leon (or any character) in character, even in AUs that are, by simply existing, ooc, as much as I can but sometimes I look at my writing and just think ??? What am I even doing??? That ain't my man-
But at the end of the day, everyone in the fandom is equal; no one's "better" or "worse" than one another. We're all just a person on the internet who really loves a video game guy. Even if you don't portray him in character for whatever reason. No one has to earn a spot in the fandom.
Just keep doing your thing. Do what makes you happy. We're doing this for fun/free, it's not always going to line up perfectly and if it's something you (general you, not you specifically) dislike, just block that blog/tags.
Though I do certainly understand the pressure to constantly create stuff and keeping it as close to canon as possible otherwise I'm doing something wrong. When I was just starting off posting my stuff on tumblr I really felt it, especially with feeling like I had to earn a spot here. Even now it's there, cause I'm obviously active still so it feels like I have to be posting something whereas on ao3, if I take a break, it means very little to me.
With saying all that though, to be honest, I try really hard to stay away from whatever discourse is going on in the fandom. Especially fanfic wise. There's a lot of things currently popular for Leon especially that make me incredibly uncomfortable but I just block/filter tags and move on. I've got other things to do than worry about how a stranger wrote about Leon being ooc, ya know? I'm online to have fun with my friends and talk about my favourite clump of pixels, not get into fights.
Plus, not everyone is going to see him the same way cause we're all different. Just because I see him doing something cruel and think it's in character for example doesn't mean you or anyone else would think so too. Doesn't mean I'm wrong for writing it, we just disagree. Not like you're being forced to read it.
So... yeah. This got way longer than I meant, sorry for rambling so much 😅 But you're not the only one who feels the pressure, hell I'm sure just about any writer you ask feels it too. The best advice I can give is to just do what you want and try to ignore the discourse. I get it, it's hard and stressful af some days but stick with what's fun. Fandom shouldn't be stressful (even if it is most times)
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hey i got a notif for a post of urs bc my gif was on it. normally i would ignore it. however. im in my 20s now but once upon a time i too was a depressed 13 yo running a tumblr blog, very similar to yours, dedicated to being really mad about a story that disappointed me. so i speak out of sincere sympathy and not a desire to be mean when i say: please do literally anything else with your time. read a book. practice a hobby. it is simply not that serious
for anyone who might be at least somewhat like what the person is talking about:
as of right now, you might be young and prone to change. things are difficult to process, awkward, scary, and you might not even know who or what you are just yet. but take your time and be kind to yourself.
by all means necessary, let your anger out. vent. complain. be sad. be angry. just don't let it hurt you or anyone else, okay? and, if you're like me, and don't necessarily feel comfortable being emotional, that's okay too.
try to find something to do, to distract you. play with a fidget, engage in activities, offline or online, try to connect with your peers. make something of your own.
whatever you're feeling is valid, and you deserve love and support. regardless of your age, living situation, mental health, etc., if any of you ever need anything from me, my messages are open. note, i might not be quick to responding all the time, but i will always respond.
i'm here for you 🫶🏾
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now onto you.
i find it funny that you think you have the right to project your past onto me when i'm nowhere near in your previous position. not anymore, at least.
i'm not buying your condescending politeness, and you suck at actually guiding people ( if that's what you think you're doing, which i doubt ) to become healthier, happier people.
to be honest, i'm almost laughing that you thought this was genuinely okay to send, even more so anonymously, if you're not just being a dickhead who thought was doing something for a 'child'.
i'm not a child. at least, not in the way you think. i'm 18 now, legally an adult in most if not all places, and my development from being 13 years old to now is huge, especially since i'm now taking medication, getting into therapy, and have done a lot to accommodate my neurodivergencies, and have been all the better for it.
you have a serious problem if you think every single account that criticizes something is either a child or is taking things too seriously, when i'm 99.9% certain you've seen the show you made a GIF about as a revolutionary piece of queer media for children.
to think so low of someone you have never met is, frankly, cruel, demeaning, ridiculous, and shameful. according to this, you're a full grown adult, and yet, you think being like this will actually help anyone? will actually teach children to be more kinder to themselves? to help teens or young adults to not be so consumed by negativity?
i am not the person you think you're talking to, and even if i was, you yourself have a lot more growing up to do if you think you can talk to me like that.
the audacity of you.
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