#i took my grad pics last week and this is how i feel abt them aksjdjhs

[luobingmeis]

do u ever see a photo of urself and ur just like “that’s me but that is the most not-me picture i have ever seen”

#i took my grad pics last week and this is how i feel abt them aksjdjhs #like they’re nice pictures!! and i’m happy with how they came out!!!!! #but they feel so performed and not me lmao #partially bc like. #u know how people talk abt how influencers don’t really have a style #it’s just the same clothes and same makeup and everything? #like it’s very obvious that i ‘learned’ how to take grad pics from the girls on my ig feed #but like. it’s so not my style i just don’t know how to function on camera. #so like the literal style itself while cute is not like......... my thing #i just needed a model for what to do #but also like?? idk any time i dress conventionally feminine #like dresses / skirts #it just feels like a performance like. idk if masking is the right word??? but like #they’re nice outfits!! but like #for ex last month i went out with some school friends and a professor for lunch #and i wanted to dress nice #but the only way i know how to ‘dress nice’ is to dress conventionally feminine #and while i objectively loved the outfit i put together. the entire time i just felt like i was. performing. #but of course that is added to by the fact that i do kinda follow my school friends when it comes to social stuff #so for the most part i’m bouncing off of them #but for my grad pics i was with my best friends and like. they came out nice!! and i like the outfit #but i’ve been looking at those pics for so long and trying to figure out what’s getting me abt them and it just. idk. doesn’t feel like me? #like they’re nice pictures but they just feel generic and performed and like. #idk if this is a gender thing or a social thing but it just feels like. #like i’m trying to be ‘just one of the girls’ except im a very obvious imposter #[and by ‘girls’ i mean trying to mimic what i see in the girls i’m friends with] #but yeah again idk if that’s a gender thing or a social thing or both ajsjdjsjjs #it’s just!!! weird idk #like i like the pics but they. don’t quite feel like me but i also don’t know what i’m looking for in myself so!!!! #also it probably doesn’t help that i have been having some. ah. issues with myself as of late!!!!!

[caatws]

tagged by @justanalto to answer some questions !! :)

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? it’s like a blueish/greenish color and has moana on it! i usually comb my hair so i bought that brush just bc it was moana themed a few years ago lol. i don’t use it often

2. Name a food you never eat. there are many.....#justchildhoodocdthings ermmmm i don’t eat a lot of snack foods like chips or goldfish

3. Are you typically too cold or too warm? too warm, esp these days bc the weather is hella warming up so i wake up feeling hot a lot

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? i was working on some post-grad work stuff and then crossed over into my roommates’ room to watch the facebook livestream graduation 2020 thing cuz miley was on singing the climb

5. What is your favorite candy bar? i love a good hershey’s special dark chocolate moment

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes, quite a lot actually! my mom is super into sports, so i grew up going to a handful of pro sports games - mlb, nba, and nhl. never nfl tho bc my mom said the price of tix wasn’t worth it LMAOOOO. also when the olympics are here in la in like 8 years i wouldn’t mind checking out some events here !!

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? i asked my roommate if she wanted me to close the door as i was leaving her room bc she was abt to hop on a zoom call

8. What is your favorite ice cream? chocolate.....esp if it’s dark chocolate which is Rare

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? starbucks peppermint hot chocolate bc i’m a basic bitch!!!!

10. Do you like your wallet? yeah, i only upgraded from my middle school wallet like back in 2018 to a normal adult looking one. it’s purple and has enough pockets for all my shit! still bulky tho

11. What was the last thing you ate? ....nothing LMFAOOOO lunch is usually my first meal of the day and i haven’t had it yet. but last night i had ramen for dinner

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? last time i bought clothes was i ordered one of the black widow hoodies from hot topic like a month ago....other than that i have not gone clothes shopping since pre-quarantine

13. The last sporting event you watched? i don’t even know....i didn’t watch the super bowl, so it’d either be some time my roommate was watching hockey on our tv or whatever sports my mom was watching when i was still home for winter break in january

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? KETTLE CORN!!!!

15. Who is last person you sent a text message to? i sent a pic of miley singing the climb on the fb livestream on my friend’s laptop to my fam being like “lol miley is our commencement performer!!!!” and my mom was just like cool

16. Ever go camping? yes unfortunately....never for more than a night at a time tho bc i literally Cannot

17. Do you take vitamins? no bc what is Health

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? used to back in the days of catholic school (pre college), but now no longer

19. Do you have a tan? nah bc we can’t go outside bro

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? chinese food 100% i personally think pizza is overrated

21. Do you drink soda with a straw? i don’t believe i ever do tbh

22. What color socks do you usually wear? i only own socks with colorful patterns/designs on them which is extra but very me i suppose

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? always! (a reasonable amount over tho, like within 5-10 mph over...this is average for californians, while many others speed hella)

24. What terrifies you? not a fan of heights nor uncertainty, and this pandemic has essentially destroyed my post grad hopes/plans and now i enter an uncertain future

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my bed, with a lot of stuff piled on top

26. What chore do you hate? all of them???? i guess doing the dishes mostly tho bc i hate the smell of wet dishes with food waste/residue on them and it just feels so gross i can’t

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? i think wow australia sounds like a wild country

28. What’s your favorite soda? orange soda 4ever

29. Do you go into a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru if i can !!! but i don’t mind going in if there’s ample parking available

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? my roommate, when i asked if she wanted me to close the door LMAO

31. Favorite cut of beef? all of them????? i’m not picky with meat dsflkbn

32. Last song you listened to? as i was driving back into my garage the radio station i was listening to started playing sugar we’re going down which threw me for a time loop

33. Last book you read? i’ve been reading fanfic mostly recently so ig whatever the last thing i read for my internship weeks ago was, it would be that

34. Favorite day of the week? even tho time doesn’t matter in quarantine, i’ll always be a friday stan

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? i used to be decent at it but i’m out of practice now. i’ll try to just type it rly quickly and see: zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba (ok so this took me like 5ish secs to type so that’s p good!)

36. How do you like your coffee? i don’t! i just drink peppermint hot chocolate :^)

37. Favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens, but they are now out of season for most of the rest of the year bc i live in southern california where it’s Hawt so i probs won’t wear them again til december

38. The time you normally go to sleep? sometime between 1 and 3 am

39. The time you normally get up? sometime between 9 and 11 am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets are dope!!!

41. How many blankets on your bed? three, including my sheet, comforter, and a small quilt

42. Describe your kitchen plates. some are just round and plain white, some are round and white with a red decorative border, one is a pokémon plate meant for children that i bought cheap at target

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? piña colada!!! but if i’m trying to get drunk i need vodka or somethin

44. Do you play cards? not much tbh! my apartment has been on a mahjong streak as of late

45. What color is your car? silver!!

46. Can you change a tire? no i’m useless but also my parents believe i’ll get murdered if stuck on the side of the road (which is possible) so they’d prefer me to call aaa for help

47. Your favorite province? uhhhhhhh no provinces here in the u.s. but canada has provinces and i went to british columbia (to visit vancouver) once as a kid so???? if we talking states tho y’all know i will die for california

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? honestly my job at my school’s mail center this past year was rly cool! my boss was so great and the other student workers were chill, so it was a nice environment and i enjoyed learning all these mail-related skills

49. How did you get your biggest scar? i have no scars ;))))

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? i had my final appointment with my therapist from my school since i graduated, so i thanked him for working with me the past year and a half!

i tag: anyone who wants to do this, i’m lazyyyyy hehe so feel free to steal!!!! i wanna read y’all’s answers

#madison.txt #about me #tagged #ty serena this was fun uwu