#i thought i was getting better too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 9 months

Text

you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

3K notes · View notes

lilybug-02 · 4 months

Text

Wow. That could not have turned out worse.

Part 23 || First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

This comic will be on Holiday Hiatus this December and January! While on a cliffhanger? What a scam! >:/

#Chara finally realizes something is wrong....very wrong #And you get to see little Chara for all of 2 drawings. wow. You guys are so spoiled uwu #Asriel and Chara bbfs #finally out of that darn tootin' Darkworld! WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 2 YEARS!!!#LORE TIME LORE TIME. I know Chara is very vague about it but player-human relationships are very personal.#it can be hard to talk about them if you've been possessed yourself. especially with some stigmas around it #chara just wanted a glass of water. why you gotta do this to em #I am so so so happy to get here #the full excitement has faded since I first thought up this scene but It's still one hell of an accomplishment #YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA how many times I reworked this and how many rough drafts I've thrown out the window because of it.#tbh. I may post the 10+ rough pages that will never see the light of day #Im glad I didnt go through with that scrapped plot bc It was too many unneeded pages. I've learned to start condensing in a better way #I am also planning on showing off my Patreon soon :) so I'll be posting complete scrapped story lines over there #deltarune chara timeline #deltarune #utdr #deltarune chara timeline comic #art #my art #bread #chara #asriel #saloon darkworld #darkworld #deltarune au #college chara #college asriel

2K notes · View notes

wasyago · 8 months

Text

we're at it again🕺

#jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #my art #sketch #back on my bullshit woo yeah woo yeah woo yeah #genuinely a lot happier with this design than the previous ones. the lighter metal looks better on him #and this one doesn't have a lot of detail (or any detail tbh) so it looks more solid and fun i think #and you can see im trying to figure out how gill would carry his sword around #technically he should just carry it in his hands and don't have a scabbard because its a longsword and isn't supposed to be sheathed...#but like... its not practical to always carry it in his hands. especially in a day to day life. because he always has the sword on him-#but he doesn't necessarily always hold it? like. he needs hands for stuff #i think i like the back scabbard better (even if i drew the whole turnaround for the hip one) just because it doesn't mess with his tail #plus that way destiny's blade is higher up and gets to look around at stuff and i think its funny #but then like... the cape is a little awkward if it has to go above the sword...#but its not a big deal. if he has a cape and armor on he probably holds the sword in his hands anyway #am i putting too much thought into this unnecessary detail? yes #am i rambling in the tags again instead of making a separate post? also yes

2K notes · View notes

puppyeared · 8 months

Text

axolotl

#covers my face. this is dumb theyre dumb idk what was going thru my mind making this.h #i like this brush tho i think ill keep using it #i had this thought awhile ago that axolotls kind of remind me of macs ears. and i had a nice thought that if wukong ever saw one #he'd say the same thing. and thats why im sitting here with my head in my hands #macaque doesnt know if hes embarassed amused or straight up smitten. its all 3 #i have such a hard time drawing necks and shoulders.. mac is supposed to kind of hunch up his shoulders #the way some ppl do when they bow their neck down kind oflike. defensive-tucking in position when theyre making themselves small #i cant really get it to look right so it kinda looks like his head is sunken too close to his shoulders. so i guess ill keep practising #maybe if i brought his head closer to the collarbone it will look better. but i struggle with foreshortening so theres a chance itll #just look like his neck starts at the collar. ughhh #god have mercy if i ever draw hugs. i hate positioning the shoulder i hate hate hate it. 10 dead 17 injured #i have new design note ideas for em but ill post another time #myart #doodles #lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #shadowpeach #lmk sun wukong #lmk swk #lmk macaque #lmk six eared macaque #lmk liu er mihou

3K notes · View notes

seagreenstardust · 14 days

Text

Remember how Izuku took the name Katsuki gave him as his hero name at the front of the story and then Katsuki introduced himself to AFO (and the world tbh) using the name Izuku gave him towards the end of it

Remember how they mirror each other and it’s incredible

#bkdk #bakudeku #anyway #this thought hit me with a sledgehammer and I had to get it out before my last brain cell was mushed #they’re such perfect mirrors of each other #AND SO IMPORTANT TO EACH OTHER TOO #my lizard brain:#remember how when you marry someone you can choose to take their name or to give them your own #bkdk did it better I am just saying

449 notes · View notes

eggwishing · 3 months

Text

short & stout rose And awkward and gangly dave >>>> i think rose would move with a ferocity like she could accidwntally bump her elbow onto the corner of a table and the table would crumble . dave posture’d be so rigid that he’d fall like a tree and shatter like glass from a light breeze

#dave strider #rose lalonde #homestuck #im gonna yap more abt my drawings ive been restrained for too long thinking people wouldnt care😤😤#my friends at school building up my confidence for better or for worse lol #i have thoughts!! things 2 say!!! not a lot but hopefully getting out the things i do have will make room for more…^_^#anyways #daveis just egon schiele art to me now #discomfort of tha body ……. Davesprite would be even worse imo #this also means dirk is a short king. and roxy would tower over him LMAO #dirk the shortest in the entire group #i need to draw egbert n jade more😢😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨im sorryyyyyyyyyyy #hits post shyly

702 notes · View notes

capn-o-my-soul · 6 months

Text

okie i made an art but there is some context to it

so my sister was studying in the haunted theology building on her college campus because it was open and it had rooms to study in . and since it is a theology building lots of people who like catholicism go in there. so my sister finishes working on her paper or whatever and it's like 2 am and she sees a piece of paper in the hallway that says "what is your favorite saint?" with a bunch of names of catholic saints that people like that they put on there. so my sister (an atheist) makes up a fake saint name (st. chadwick the bold) and writes it on the paper.

however, since it was darkish and lateish she accidentally wrote "bold" in a way that it could be misinterpreted as "bald"

now the next day she's having a movie night with friends and tells them about it and one of them draws a very reverent, very bald monk-saint on a whiteboard . and then they make a prayer to st. chadwick the b[o/a]ld

and then when she told me about it this weekend i thought i could use it as a chance for calligraphy / gothic graphic design practice so i made this

behold

#ok some notes abt its imperfections:#yeag i made the capital s in Saint too weird (i didn't like it at first then tried to fix it then failed)#and it's kinda blank (i wasn't sure what else to put)#and it's kinda smudged #and i didn't erase the drafting lines because i thought it would further smudge the ink because i didn't want to wait for it to dry #because my sister had to leave soon and get back to campus #and also the B at the beginning of the “prayer” is very weirdly colored and designed i should have chosen a better color and design #calligraphy #art #saints #oh also #i was writing the dies irae with my calligraphy pen and i accidentally imprinted some letters into my finger with ink #so if you see some really light smudged letters in between the lines that is because i put my finger there and accidntally stamped those #letters into the paper #but yea it's really bad i just wanted to share it with somebody

601 notes · View notes

starry-bi-sky · 25 days

Text

i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.

He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.

And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.

And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.

Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.

Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."

There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.

It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.

Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.

At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.

"Do you like to do anything?"

Nothing. Just silence.

Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.

Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.

Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.

And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.

He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.

Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.

So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.

"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"

"Don't."

He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.

Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"

"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."

It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"

The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."

Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."

And they fall back into silence.

Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."

He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.

(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)

At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.

Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.

("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")

(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)

(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)

It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."

The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."

The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.

When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.

Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.

"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."

When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.

Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc prompt #man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two #bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives #or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another #this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b #i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode #danny is the first son #tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand #Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it #Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to #them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad.#oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores #out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant #distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for #safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a #fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap #most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than #sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said #'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you'#danny doesn't know he's batman btw #starry rambles.#was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if #anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it #and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta

300 notes · View notes