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#i thought a mutual block meant i wouldn’t have to deal with this shit anymore but ig not 😩😩😩
littlexscarletxwitch · 2 months
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Hi, would you be able to do a mutual pining yelena x avenger!reader kinda thing where yelena has been ignoring reader because she doesn’t know to how to deal with her feelings and when reader confronts her, yelena admits that she likes her? Mainly angst with fluff at the end if possible. Love your fics!!
── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗶 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂
paring: yelena belova x fem!reader
tag(s): fluff, some angst, mutual pinning, nat being the big sis
warning(s): yel having a hard time admitting her feelings, grammatical errors, unedited
word count: 1.8k
note: Soooooo sorry it took me soooo long to post this. I FUCKING LOVED THIS REQUEST btw. Also guys, it's taking me so long to post fic because a) my laptop is just a bitch and won't work, and b) I guess I'm going through a writer's block and it's kinda hard to find the motivation to write. But I'll try my best. Lots of love, M <3
requests are open! + check my rules + masterlist <3
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Your legs were sore, you couldn't feel your arms anymore and you were gasping for air, but it wasn’t over until one of you was down.
“Can’t we take a break?” you whined out as you tried dodging Yelena’s fist but still made contact with your body and you groaned out in pain. 
“Focus, Y/n,” Steve called out, before Yelena would punch again. 
You knew she was holding back, measuring her strength, she always would when training with you. And you didn’t know if you found that reassuring or mocking. You kicked her in the stomach, but it still did not affect her, it was quite the opposite really. 
“That’s all you got?”
“Why? Wanna try something else?” you teasingly said while winking at her. 
You got her off guard, she wasn’t expecting your cocky self to show up while training, and seized the moment to swift her off her feet and got on top of her. 
“Was this what you had in mind?”
Your hands quickly found her wrists while your body pressed into her abdomen pushing her down so she wouldn’t get out of your hold. 
“Okay, I think it’s enough,” Steve called out, sensing you had gone off track. 
Both you and Yelena knew that she could easily get out of your hold, but still it took her two minutes to do so. You didn’t want to let her go that easily, you felt your whole body burning just by the thought of her skin against yours, still you stood up and got on moving before the two of you could have a say on what just had happened. 
That was how it always went with Yelena, one moment you had the courage to openly flirt with her and a second later you would run back to your dorm second guessing the whole interaction. You wanted to do more, each and every time, but she was so nonchalant about you flirting with her that you convinced yourself that it was just that, a flirty friendship. 
And most of the time you were okay with it, playing dumb about your own feelings. But then shit like that would happen, you would brush her skin, or would make her laugh, or just look at her, and the thought of a friendship would fly out of your mind. That was why you would lock up in your room, trying to calm and persuade yourself to not let your stupid feelings get in the way. 
And the same stupid thing would happen to Yelena, which you didn’t know about. 
“You want to talk about it?” Yelena heard her sister's voice as she watched you heading out the training room. 
“I wasn’t holding back, I swear.”
“Not about your punching,” she raised her brow at her little sister. 
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Yelena shrugged it off as she grabbed her bottle of water and took a big sip. 
“Lena, I know you,” Natasha took advantage of the fact that her sister was chugging down water. “I know we don’t do feelings, we don’t trust people. But that was the old us, that was the red room. We have to put that shitty part of our lives behind us for good.”
“And I have,” Yelena scoffed. 
“Then why haven't you done something about it?” Yelena knew her sister meant you, she didn’t have to clarify. “At least, give it a go,” Natasha sighed. “If not for you, then for her.”
“She doesn’t—.”
“You never know, Lena. Neither will she, if you don’t tell her,” and with that Natasha left her sister to her own thoughts.
“Suka,” she mumbled under her breath, because Natasha was right. She was always right about everything, it was the power that came with being a big sister—her big sister—, and she hated it when she was right. 
She knew she had to do something about it, about you. But the fear of rejection, of feeling unwanted felt too much to bear. She wasn’t going to open up her heart just for someone else to crush it. But maybe, just maybe she could trust you not to crush it. 
[...]
Still, it was easier said than done. It took her a full week to finally come to the conclusion that she was, actually, madly in love with you. A week full of stress and anxiety because deep down she felt like she didn’t deserve to have these feelings towards you. 
And now that she knew exactly how she felt about you, it fucking terrified her. So she did what she thought was best and put some space in between the two of you. The thought of you clouded her brain and it was starting to affect her line of work, and she couldn’t have that. Being part of the avengers gave her life meaning, and she was not going to let her stupid feelings ruin that for her. Even though she wanted to be close to you, and just melt into your arms.
Of course, her coldness didn’t go unnoticed by you. You were confused, though. It wasn’t like Yelena to just shut you out. Even though you wanted more than just a friendship out of her, you wanted to consider yourself a friend of hers and it hurt that she was just avoiding you. 
You didn’t know what was going on, she just felt out of your reach. You asked her sister about it, she just told you to give her space and she would be okay, before muttering something under her breath and went on with her day. You asked Kate and she just completely avoided the topic and changed the subject.
The more she didn’t talk to you, not even glance at your direction, the more you felt like you had done something wrong, maybe she had found out about your feelings and now she was avoiding you because of them. She probably felt uncomfortable about them, she probably wanted nothing to do with you. And who were you to decide otherwise?
You talked to Steve, making sure to not have more training lessons with her, only to find out she had already asked the same thing. You knew it was stupid to feel as if your heart was breaking since you wanted the same thing, but it did feel like shattering to pieces. You just nodded, a tight smile finding its way to your lips and went to your room before shedding any tears. 
This whole thing was bullshit. Yes, maybe she didn’t feel the same way you did about her. But the both of you were full grown-ups, you should be professional about it and act like nothing had happened. Because in reality it didn’t, not that you were aware of it. So you decided that you were going to give her a piece of your mind. 
You searched for her throughout the entire building and finally found her in the training room. Of course she was there, you should have thought of coming there earlier. 
For a trained assassin she didn’t notice your presence, too caught up in her own mind, focusing on her breathing and throwing punches at the boxing bag. 
You cleared your throat. “Got a minute?”
She looked over her shoulder, finally acknowledging you there, and you swore you watched as her whole body just tensed up by the sound of your voice. 
“I’m kinda busy right now,” she mumbled before throwing two more punches. 
“It won’t take long,” you insisted, wanting to get this over with. 
“Look, I really need to—.”
You cut her off. “I don’t know who told you or how you found out, but yes, it’s true, okay?” you finally got her attention. “I just thought you would be professional enough to not let this get in the way and pretend like nothing happened. Which is what I also wish for.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You avoiding me,” you quickly mumbled, a tint of concussion in your tone. “I get it, but let’s just put this behind us and act like propper adults.”
“No, I’m aware of that part,” she scoffed, embarrassed to admit to you what she had been up to. “What I mean is, what have I found out?”
Your brows furrowed. “About my… me… and you,” you gave yourself a second to think her words through. “Hold on a second, you don’t know?” 
“What don’t I know?”
“You don’t,” you finally added two plus two and realised that Yelena had no recollection whatsoever about your feelings, but still something was off. “Why have you been avoiding me then?”
You watched her as her mouth opened and closed, searching for the right words. 
“What did I ever do to you for you to completely avoid me, huh?”
“You did nothing, I just…”
“You just what?” you scoffed, now anger filling your tone. “You just decided it was fun to ignore me?”
“No! God, no.”
“Then what is it?!” the two of you were pretty much screaming at each other. 
“Because I like you, damn it!” she finally confessed. “Is it so hard to see?”
Your eyes winded. “You like me? You have been avoiding me because you like me?”
“I know, not my brightest moment. But it's just that you… you just…” she gestured to her brain. “You’re just stuck here, and I can’t get you out. At first I was scared to admit my own feelings to myself,” she took a deep breath. “But then Tasha said something and it made me realise that there’s nothing wrong with having feelings. But then I had to admit to myself that I really fucking like you. And I just… I just got scared because you might not feel the same way, and you might just push me away,” another deep breath. “And I decided that I would push you away first… and so I did.”
“So you like me.”
“Yes,” her brows furrowed.  “Was that all you got?”
“I mean… it’s the part that matters most,” you grinned at her. 
“What do you mean?”
“I really fucking like you too,” you said cupping her cheeks. “I thought you knew and that was why you were avoiding me. But now I get it, I make you nervous,” you said teasingly. 
“I wouldn’t use that word…” you rolled your eyes before shutting her off with your lips, finally giving in and kissing her. 
“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now,” you whispered over her lips as you deepened the kiss. 
Her lips were soft and rough, and they had some saltiness to them due to her being all sweaty. But you didn’t mind at all, in fact you really like it. 
“Remember last time we were here?” you whispered in her ear, trailing a path of kiss down her jaw and neck. 
“You mean… that time we last trained?” she sounded breathlessly and it sent a shiver down your whole body. 
“If I remember correctly, which I know I do…” you gently bit her skin earning a hiss out of her lips. “You were on the grown and I was on top of you, remember?”
“Yes…” she said as her fingers ran through your hair. 
“Want to pick up where we left it off?”
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Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3
-M
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mymreaderlibrary · 4 months
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Hey buddy, gotta say, fucking LOVE your old man yaoi post with price and reader. It's also one of my favorite things and shit if you'd like could you write more about them? Like I need these two old men to finally own up and kiss damnit 😭
I wanted to get this out way earlier but ANYWAYS IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT AAAAGHHGH I honestly wanted to write about it a lil more but I wasn’t sure. I hope this is good, no beta cause I’m a looney toons of a writer who’s stubborn as hell.
[old friends to lovers, slight angst, injury ment, laswell is so fuckin annoyed by being the only smart person, use of y/n though they’re kinda treated more like an oc sorry, the ramblings continue]
[length: 1324 words]
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They didn't speak of the night before, but they honestly didn't have to. Y/n and Price could tell their feelings were mutual, or at least stronger than a typical friendship, but instead they chose to be stopped by an invisible road block.
For y/n it was the feeling of lost time. They weren't young anymore, they didn't have the energy nor time for things like relationships and... well he wasn't sure if Price would want to be stuck with an old fart like himself. Price aged in a way that'd make any man jealous meanwhile y/n? Not so much. He was greying, his bones ached more often than not, he spent half of his time drinking shitty liquor that made his teeth reek, and, as much as he hates to admit it, he's just not handsome anymore. Price deserved to be with someone who still had life to them. Maybe a spunky military gal who could keep him on his toes or private operative with an infinite list of missions to complete. What he didn't need, however, was someone who already had their chance and wasted it. Y/n should've told him just how much Price meant to him, how much he envied the people who got to stay by his side. He should've searched for him, got on his hands and knees and begged to come with. Convince whoever had them separated to change their mind. He didn't care if he still went through the same pain he did when he was alone, if he had to amputate his own damn leg again, or deal with the loss of his parents one more time. As long as he could've done it by Price's side he would've been happy or at the very least satisfied. But that was the past and the current y/n could never catch up to the man Price had become.
However for Price it was guilt. He remembered the days that y/n and him felt invincible. Like every little thing was just a stepping stone in their grand journey to glory. No matter the pain they persevered, found solutions where others would've given up, made names for themselves amongst crowds of soldiers all baring the same purpose. Too bad those names couldn't stop them from being split up, from losing their friends, their families, from being sent all across the world with no way of knowing if the other was even alive. Those names couldn't stop y/n from losing his entire calf... (Price hated that he only knew of his friends injury due a rumor involved with y/n's discharge). Y/n shouldn't even be here, his time in the military was over, he paid his penance, he should be at home watching tv on a leather couch with a beer in hand. Nothing on the mind but whatever sore loser couldn't figure out tonight's Jeopardy categories. But no, Price had to go and drag him out from retirement, right back onto the front lines. Straight back into trouble. Even if he wasn't on the field that didn't mean he was away from risk. His mere association with the 141 planted a target on his back that wouldn’t be removed by simply walking away. Price didn't feel he deserved y/n's affection not when all he ever did was put him in danger.
So they both stayed like that, infinitely stubborn, hellishly avoidant, and not nearly as sly as they thought. The 141 didn't have a full understanding of what was going on between the two, but they could tell there was some unfinished business. Gaz thought maybe one of them slighted the other and neither have taken the step to apologize for it. Soap thought y/n perhaps betrayed Price and that's why he's missing part of his leg. Ghost had... almost the right idea, thinking there was a strange tinge of romantic tension between the two though he assumed it was from something like a love triangle. Maybe y/n and Price loved the same woman and had some unfinished rivalry? Regardless, it was not his problem so much as it didn’t effect the mission.
Laswell however, she knew. She wouldn't have the position she did if information like this just flew past her radar. She knew of their history, she saw how they reacted to one another. Laswell wasn't blind for god's sake, in fact she felt like the only one with eyes at the moment. She wasn't so crass as to demand them to make up and get it over with, but having no one to complain to was definitely testing her patience. Instead she stuck to subtly, casually chatting with Price about y/n and dropping questions in regards to their past missions together and how close they were, hoping to make some wheels turn in his rusted head. She wasn't gonna do more than that however, they were two grown men and if they couldn’t figure it out that was their problem. Could they just be a little more subtle though?
It took until a, quite literally, explosive scenario for them to finally get it together. A bullet had gotten lodged into Price's shoulder after an enemy made a lucky shot. It was far from the worst thing the Captain had faced but it still wasn't great, hurt like a bitch for one. And secondly it seemed to send y/n into a spiral. He was practically fuming when Price got back, going on some sort of rant about hygiene and wound care. Y/n demanded to be the one to dress Price's shoulder with a tone that had the others knowing they were not invited to watch unless they wanted to join in on the incoming lecture. And lecture he did, through the whole process Price could barely get a word in. Y/n paced and raved, threw his arms in the air and even knocked over supplies on accident. He was a complete mess and it wasn't until y/n was literally out breath that the Captain could finally speak.
An explanation of what happened was given, it was just luck (bad luck in regards to Price) that he got hit. This wasn’t overly common and the team knew how to deal with these wounds. Everything was okay, it was going to be fine. This just came with the job, risks were inevitable.
They were quiet, looking at each other and letting the silence permeate the room. Price reached his hand out to touch y/n’s but was caught off guard as the other man suddenly leaned it. Knocking his head against Price’s good shoulder and breathing heavily, y/n shuddered a silent cry. A plead for Price to be safe. Whatever false version of safety he could promise, just please don’t die out there.
The Captain raised his outstretched hand to cup the back of y/n’s head, running a thumb over the stubbled hair. Letting his hand slide to his face and pushing him back just an inch.
Another moment of silence. Hearts beating like rabbits.
“You gonna actually do something or do I-“
Price shut him up as quickly as he could. It was clumsy, a bit shaky, and definitely desperate, but the moment their lips touched it felt like pure ecstatic relief. Relief that this was finally happening, relief that the invisible barrier they built around each other was so weak, but mostly relief that those moments, all those touches and lingering stares weren’t for nothing.
They breathed in each others scent, something they’ve come to know so well and yet in this moment it felt brand new, and infinitely stronger. The spice of a cigar, the sting of sweat, and- oh right, sterile wipes. Price was left to chuckle awkwardly and y/n backed away. Any childish excitement felt would have to wait but at the very least they had this.
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blueindeed · 2 years
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Fuck the internet, seriously. Just. Fuck it in the ear.
Dumbass personal bullshit under the cut.
So I met my ex on Tumblr. We dated for just under 2 years, and were friends a good year and a half before that. I legitimately thought this person was the person I was meant to be with. I even flew halfway across the world to meet them in person. Took this stupid, crazy leap of faith because I was so ridiculously in love that I thought this was… destiny or something.
After all, we lived in different countries. There was no reason we should have ever met. The universe or fate or whatever had brought us together through wanting the same fictional characters to kiss and it felt like I’d met the person I was meant to be with.
When they dumped me last year, they told me they couldn’t think of a single good thing about our entire relationship. Not a single positive in nearly four fucking years.
None of it mattered. None of it meant anything. I’d poured my heart into this relationship that meant fucking nothing to the person I was with. Less than nothing.
I didn’t deal with the breakup well. At all. Being told that none of it had been good for them really fucked me up, and I kept trying to get them to talk to me. So they blocked me on every social media platform available. Understandable, as I was acting totally insane.
I ended up deleting my old Tumblr and started over specifically to avoid my ex. I deliberately avoided reconnecting with people I’d genuinely enjoyed following with this new account because they were mutuals with my ex. Full on purge. Starting over. All that shit.
Earlier in the week, I watched all of Russian Doll S2. I watched the first season with my ex and we both had large emotions about it. You could probably argue that the first season set in motion the events that led to us actually dating. I hated watching it without them, but I wanted to do something to mark my experience of the second season - something to engage with it in a creative way. So, I started a sideblog for quotes.
One of the first followers? You guessed it: my ex.
I’ve spent the last few days driving myself crazy. On one hand, my ex was pretty fucking clear they wanted nothing to do with me. Their last communication was that I was being a creepy stalker. My old account even got a couple of not-super-polite anon messages from people who obviously follow my ex. Obviously, they don’t know I run this sideblog, because if they did, they wouldn’t have followed it.
On the other hand… I went to all this effort to remove myself from their orbit and they show up? It can’t be a coincidence, right? They’ve gotta know it’s me. Maybe this is their way of trying to talk to me after months and months and months. Maybe we can reconnect, be friends again.
After a few days of agonising over it, I updated the sideblog to mention my personal account in the description. If you don’t want anything to do with someone and you follow a sideblog of theirs without knowing it’s them, that feels kind of gross to me. I advised them of my new Tumblr when I made it so they could block me (I checked, they have), so I figured this is how I could at least make sure they had this information if they didn’t.
When I checked today, they’re not following it anymore. I know that’s a good thing overall, because it means they’re not following a blog I run without knowing I run it, but I’m still fucking devastated. Stupidly, I really hoped that they knew it was me and this was them reaching out.
So here I am, crying over this relationship again, nearly a year after it ended. A relationship that I completely misread. I spent almost four years talking to someone every single day, making art with them, pouring out my heart to them, and they don’t have a single good memory from the entire time. How stupid do you have to be to get things so wrong?
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hermestalaria · 3 years
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Don’t need you.
genre; angst.
soulmate au; where soulmates can feel each others emotional pain. If the first physical contact with said soulmate is under negative or forced circumstances, it leaves a mark.
summary; Guzma and the reader are soulmates, but it doesn’t work out the way the reader thought it would. He pushes them away. The bad guys don’t get happy endings.
pairings; guzma x gn!reader
warnings; shitty dialogue, like two swears, doesn’t venture deeply into mental health but hints at the reader’s possible atelophobia.
atelophobia - fear of not being good enough. Imperfection.
A/N; I imagine the mark to be like smeared charcoal or something, I’m an artist so I have a ✨creative mind✨ kidding. But on a serious note, I don’t actually write often since I have this permanent writers block where I feel like whatever I write, it just is shit. Anyways, I have decided to actually post one of my writings for the first time. Shocker. I had the sudden idea to start writing this at 1am, DON’T BE TOO HARSH ON ME. This will probably be apart of a short angst oneshot series bc I’m an evil bitch and clearly like to cause myself and others emotional distress. - Lily <3
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
“You can’t help me, kid. I’m far too gone.”
Far too gone to care.
You remember his voice, it seems like it’s the only thing that makes an appearance in your dreams. Dreams of something better. A better outcome, perhaps?
It was in your nightmares too. Nightmares.
Bad dreams weren’t something that you were used to experiencing, considering yourself to be one of the lucky ones because you never had to deal with them often. Luck.
What bullshit.
Now…now, you had bad dreams almost every night. You couldn’t sleep. Every time you closed your eyes, you could see his face, his bored expression as he stared at you like you mean nothing to him. As if you were someone beneath him. Someone not worthy of his time. Someone not worthy.
You hated that feeling.
Stupid.
“You didn’t even give me a chance.” your voice cracked at the end of the sentence slightly. as if you could literally feel your heart shatter into millions of little pieces.
“Just let me help, please. Just let me help you.”
Desperation. A need for approval.
The team skull leader raised his chin as he literally looked down at you, a thick eyebrow arched as his narrowed eyes scanned yours for any sign of dishonesty. A lie.
Why would you lie? He’s your soulmate. Your person. The person who you’re supposed to love and care about more than anything. More than anyone.
You were being genuine.
“Huh.” The Team Skull boss clicked his tongue. “You’re being genuine. People in Alola have too much to prove. Always looking for ways to prove themselves to anyone willing to pay attention. Everyone’s too caught up in bettering themselves that they begin to lose awareness of everyone else around them. It’s pathetic.”
“I’ve got nothing to lose…and I’m not from Alola, I’m from Kanto. Kanto region.” You tell him, your eyes glazing over with unshed tears of frustration at his harshness that was directed towards you. For a short moment, you could’ve sworn his face softened, but maybe it was just a fragment of your imagination. Imagining what you wanted to see. Not what was actually happening.
“I could tell.” His hands are shoved into his pockets, asserting boyish arrogance. He looked bored. “You reek of weakness.”
You could tell this attempted heart to heart was getting you nowhere. You weren’t always the best at confrontation. “You’re pushing me away. I understand why, really, I only want to help you I-“ you cut yourself off, searching his eyes for any warmth, anything at all.
Cold.
“You’re saying that you’d only want to help cause’ I’m your soulmate, they think you can get through to me like your little friends and Kukui always wanted. I’m good. I don’t need your help. You weren’t there for me before, I don’t need you now. I don’t need you.”
Harsh.
You visibly winced. The feeling of rejection prodding at your already shattered heart like a knife, panging in your chest. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it?” A sinister grin formed on his face, picking and playing at your weaknesses, he could do that you know. Stupid connection. He’s the only one who could.
“No. It isn’t.” You sounded exasperated now. Furrowing your eyebrows.
“You’re so mean.”
You could’ve sworn you heard an “I know” in response.
“I don’t want to see your face again.” His voice was cold, distant. But it sounded strained. Like he wasn’t 100% willing to let you go without even getting to know you. To know his soulmate. It was your turn to act cold. “Believe me when I say this pretty boy.” You laughed bitterly. A sour taste spreading throughout your tastebuds as you spoke such poison. Now that’s going to be a lot of damage. “The feeling is mutual.”
Lies.
He tilted his head to the left. Eyebrows raised at the nickname. You walked forward, bumping his shoulder harshly as you walked past him and Plumeria, even she looked worried. That was going to leave a nasty mark for sure, but you could deal with the setbacks later. The grunts worried eyes were fixated on your retreating figure as you walked away.
You stopped.
“Oh, and by the way…I don’t need you either.” You let out a humourless snicker. “I’m not going to try to fight for you anymore, for this…whatever this is, because you wouldn’t do the same for me. Clearly.” You were putting your guard up to hide the unwanted emotions that you were truly feeling at that moment. Heartbreak.
“See you around, soulmate.” The bitterness poured from your tongue like acid rain, as you waved your hand dismissively at the group, not even bothering to wait for their reactions to your confession. His reaction.
When you had gotten far enough, you squeezed your eyes shut. Finally allowing the tears to fall. Something in you was screaming at you to GO BACK and fix it.
Fix it.
You couldn’t fix it. Not this time.
Your shattered heart.
You could feel the tug, the pull…the strain in your chest the further you walked away, the stronger the tug felt. Strained.
He said he didn’t need you.
He didn’t need you.
He didn’t want you.
But you wanted him more than anything. You needed him. Pain.
All you felt was pain.
The pull in your chest tugged at your heartstrings to turn around. Run to him as fast as you could and hug him tightly. Run to him.
You didn’t.
Maybe you were more like each other than you both thought.
You were soulmates after all.
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mightynonagesimus · 3 years
Text
15 Minutes (What If I Told You)
ANGST WITH AN UNHAPPY ENDING. DO NOT READ FOR A GOOD TIME. This is a supercorp oneshot I wrote after I hear the title song. Very Angsty, you are warned. Trigger Warning : Angst, mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. Obiviously. This is pre-apocalypse.
11:27,
Monday, July 13th
Lena's Loft,
National City.
It was very unnoticeable at first. Solar flares from a nearby galaxy far enough that they didn't think much of it. A few explosions a couple galaxies down hardly warranted the DEO's involvement. Besides, Earth had different things to worry about. The Team had different things to worry about. Probably. Lena wouldn't know anymore, would she? After the Fortress, she had taken extra precautions to block every single one of them out of her life. She didn't need anyone. She just needed to save the world.
And to be honest? Lena was ashamed it took her that long to figure it out. It wasn't like her. The  Prodigy of her generation. The CEO of one of the biggest Tech Corporations in America. The sister of Earth's most infamous criminal mastermind.
If she had just gotten out of bed, checked any of her projects, called her secretary back. But she was too numb, too empty. Lying in bed, unable to move or think. Wishing to die. She couldn't even muster up the energy to lift a hand, it was just... pathetic.
After a week, Jess had had enough. It took Sam flying over from Metropolis to even get Lena out of bed. Sam had no idea about Kara, of course. But it didn't take long for her to march over to Alex's apartment and threaten her friend until the truth spilled. Lena had never seen that furious. Over Lena, of all people.
She didn't deserve Sam.
***
Sam had been pestering her all week. Bringing over food and staying with her every night. Lena felt like an asshole, taking up so much of her time. That was the main reason she returned to L-Corp after a week That was when she found out about the satellite malfunctions. Some radioactive signature was messing with their signals. That was fine, this was a problem Lena could fix, right? Easy.
Wrong. Turns out the signature was something her systems could recognize. Kryptonite. A giant chunky piece of Kryptonite and debris about the size of a small moon. A Krypto-Comet that was hurtling at half the speed of light from deep space, directly towards Earth.
Mondays, right?
Of course, she contacted the DEO immediately. They were horrified. For a Secret Government Agency handling the extraterrestrial, they had some shockingly bad tech. She wasn't really surprised.  Also, they might have been slightly distracted with Leviathan. Lena had spent the next three days cooped up in a lab with Brainiac 5 desperately trying to come up with a way to deflect it or destroy it, or anything really. Usually, an Anti-Kryptonite suit and Supergirl would have taken care of the problem real quick, but considering the size of the comet and the excessive amount of Kryptonite on it, it just wouldn't be possible. There was no time to call for back-up from Argo City either, with the satellites malfunctioning.
The last five days were utter chaos. Naturally, the news hit the public hard. It was pandemonium, but how could you keep a goddamn meteorite impact from them? The skies were already turning purple.
Lena however, was still in her lab. Over the course of three days, a complete whirlwind of people checked in and out of her lab. People she had never met before. People she had never even heard of. Cisco Ramon, Caitlin Snow. A scientist named Raymond Palmer with some very interesting ideas on molecular structure and shrinkage. Felicity Smoak. Alex pulled her aside during lunch to explain about the Multiverse.
What. Even. What.
Okay.
It felt like her brain was exploding, but she was their best chance of saving the planet. She had to pull it together. She can't show any weakness.
Alex called for another excruciating meeting the second day.
"Attention! I have some news." Alex exhaled slowly. "Sara?"
"I'm sorry guys, but it's bad. We were unable to prevent this event from not occurring. It happens rarely, but this can't be prevented by modifying the timeline. It's inevitable. We have to find other ways."
"What if we move your population to our Earth?" Harry? Larry? The guy in red spandex asked.
"More than half out Earth's population have doppelgangers in yours. It will mess with the balance of your universe. We can't move them. How about finding an empty universe?"
"Kara is out looking for one, but every Earth we found was either ruined or full. That's too long a shot, I don't think we'll find one in time."
"Well, theoretically-" Brainy hesitated - "My ancestors had a way of...dealing with planets that disagreed with them. They would shrink them down and have them as trophies."
"We can't shrink the planet, the gravitation of the solar system would collapse and we would fall into the sun." Lena muttered distractedly, fiddling with her pen.
"Let's not do that. Any luck contacting Superman?"
"Radio silence. The radiation is messing with communications."
"We could push it through a wormhole, or a portal, but-"
"The comet will be here before we could begin to build it. What if we transport our people to a different planet?"
"Seven billion people on a different planet without nearly enough food and water?"
"Or maybe into a space station?"
"We have four days. To transport seven billion people. And essential items."
"Yeah, that's not gonna work either."
"Okay, let's keep at it guys." Alex clapped her hands together. "There IS a way, we just don't know it yet."
***
Yeah, there was no other way. The days went by in a whirl. They came up with theory after theory, but it was too late. Their world was going to end. Nothing can stop it.
During the last day, Alex ordered every non-Earth-38 person off the universe. And even though there was some resistance, everyone sombrely agreed it was the best move.
A surprising lot of friendships were made that week. World-ending threats tend to do that, apparently. Lena personally never wanted to experience Nia and Zari Tarazi try to cook a pizza together ever again. They almost blasted the dough halfway across the DEO building and into the miniature Nuclear Reactor.
Lena would never, not in a million years, ever admit it; but she wanted what they had.
She couldn't fathom that comfort, that mutual understanding of trust that Nia shared with Zari. How did they build it? How could they rely on it, when they had been strangers only a week ago? How could you share your secrets, yourself, with someone who could potentially turn against you, someone who could be lying through their teeth like Eve was, someone who might hate you just because of a name that you can't change?
Not that anything could be done now. It was too late.
They were gathered at the DEO training facility off-city to say their final goodbyes, except Lena was at L-Corp. It took her a while to accept it, but this time it was real. There was no hail mary, no high stake final masterplan left in her. She was going to die, along with her planet.
So it was the perfect time to break out her finest bottle of scotch.
The L-Corp building was deadly silent. Any other day, Lena would have enjoyed it. The building was almost never fully empty, with the security team and the journalists and the interns who never sleep. Today it put her on edge.
Because she did this. Lena caused all this, it was Lena's fault. She was the reason-
'Alex.'
The tiny blue screen lit up on her desk, ringing insistently. The tech mogul was almost relieved that something interrupted.
The silence. Interrupted the silence.
Lena brought it to her ear.
"Hello?"
"Lena!? Where the hell are you?" For a second, Lena relished the panic in Alex's voice. Of course, it probably was over the world ending, but she wanted to pretend that it was over Lena. That Alex actually cared about her.
"What do need me to do, Director Danvers?" Her voice was meant to be posh and clipped as always, but it came out slightly more drunk than she wanted it to.
"Wha-Nothing! I just couldn't find you anywhere so I thought I'd check up on you." Aww, Alex. You don't need to pretend, everything is gonna go to shit anyway.
"Is Sam still there?"
"Uh- Yes. Yeah, she's here. Do you want to talk to her?"
"Nooo." Lena considered it. "No, definitely not."
"Lena, are you drunk?"
Lena exhaled loudly. "Why did you call me, Director?"
"Because the universe is ending!" Lena cringed away from the phone. That was too loud for her sleep-deprived brain.
"I don't see your point." She huffed back.
"Goddammit. Look, Kara and I will keep looking for a solution, you don't need to worry, okay? You know she never gives up. Nia and the others-"
"Please just stop." Lena begged.
"I-Stop?" Lena could picture Alex's face. She hated that she did.
"I don't care! About anything, anymore. Just leave me alone. Goodbye, Alex."Sorry I pulled so much shit.
Lena switched it off and chucked it across the room, onto her couch. It bounced over the cushions and fell over.
She was alone, now.
"Hope?"
"Greetings, miss Luthor. What can I do for you today?" Hope was always here. Lena's only constant companion through everything. Even if it did wear the face of her traitor friend.
"You understand that this will be the last day?"
"Yes, miss Luthor-"
"Lena. Call me Lena."
The robot cocked its head to the side. Why did Lena program it so life-like?
"Lena. Would you like for me to call anyone else?"
"No, thank you. How long is it now?"
"Seventeen minutes and three seconds."
Lena cradled her head. It felt like her brain was swimming in the alcohol. At least she won't have to feel this tomorrow.
"Execute terminal orders and shut down, please."
"Executed. Goodbye, Miss Luthor."
The hologram blinked off. Lena swirled the last of the scotch in her glass. It didn't taste nearly as good as she hoped. She set it down in distaste.
God, this was all her doing, wasn't it?
If only Lex could see her now, pushing everyone away, alone and lonely on top of the empire that was built by her psychopathic family. Everything he said that day was true.
And it was all Lena's fault. Because she chose to trust Kara. She chose her new family. She wanted that. She craved that. Even when she knew she could never have it. She's always craved that. This wonderful 'family' she could love with all her heart. They would have been her people, they would love her no matter her last name. They would support her through hell and back. She fucking fantasized about how they would be there for her every birthday, about how she would shower them with love and affection, about game nights and road trips. She didn't give a shit about romantic, platonic, she just wanted someone to be there at the airport when she comes back from month-long expeditions through Europe.
It all seems so naive now. She was still here, on top of an empty building, because of her choices. Because of her stupid, stubborn pride. She must have chosen this, right? This is what she wanted. To be alone. Sixteen minutes from the world ending. She had chosen to be alone, bitter, angry at herself for doing what she had done.
Fuck, no.
But it was too late. Too late to accept her family, too late to enjoy them. Too late to save the world. Too late to apologize.
Too-fucking-late.
Fuuuuuuck, she messed up. What she wouldn't give to go back in time, find her younger self and...eughh. Berate her? Explain? Mug her? Lena had no idea.
This scotch tastes like shit.
Why is time so slow?
Tick.
Tock.
Her life is shit. She would like a refund.
Tick.
The alcohol is really getting to her brain, cause she found that funny.
Toc-
The entire floor rattled when the door flies open behind her. *
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Oh hey, Sam. You did come.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" She crossed her arms, raising one brow at her CFO.
"Lena, no." Sam stomped over and wretched the glass away from Lena.
"Goddammit, leave me alone, Sam!" Why I am so shitty all the time Sam?
"No." She repeated firmly.
"What?"
"No. I should have done this a long time ago when I first got back here. I'm not leaving you alone, I'm not letting you drink yourself to death. I'm not let you wallow in your misery when the world is fucking ending and you still stubbornly refuse to put down your pride. I'm not leaving!"
She walked over to Lena's hidden break room and poured the scotch down the sink.
"But I-"
"No. Listen, you dumbass. You've been through some horrible, messed-up shit. Your brother almost destroyed the world multiple times. Your mother was a narcissistic fucking psychopath. I cannot even begin to understand how you feel most of the time. Having every move scrutinized by the world, feeling like you can't trust anyone."
"I trust you."
Sam paused. "I-What?"
"I trust you, Sam. You may be the only person who I can be myself around right now. And-And I know that isn't fair to you, me having constant breakdowns. I keep you from your life and Ruby and I hate it-"
"Lena!" Sam takes her hand. "You can always tell me about it. Everything. And I won't lie, helping you through your trauma isn't easy, especially since you refuse to meet a therapist. But that doesn't mean you can keep everything to yourself. It means that your pain, it matters to me. It is a piece of you that you have shared with me, and it isn't going to fucking evaporate the second I know about it. You matter. Your trauma matters. To me, and to everyone at the DEO. I want to help you." She inhaled deeply.
"And I can't promise that everything is going to be fine, I don't even know if we'll exist an hour from now, but I can tell you this. You don't deserve all this pain. That doesn't mean you don't have it. You are not responsible for what your family did, and you are not responsible for your mother's death. You don't deserve to die alone and at odds with everyone you love."
"Sam, but I-"
"And I'm sorry, I know Kara and the others messed up. But they love you. They are your family now. And I can't watch you punish yourself over this. Lena, it's time to let go."
Tears lined Lena's eyes. "I can't do it, Sam!"
"You can."
"I can't! I trusted Kara with everything. I shared every piece of me with her. Love and family were supposed to cure me! I made myself completely powerless, I was vulnerable, and she threw it back at my face. I cannot make that mistake again!"
"It's not fucking magic, Lena! Love isn't a cure-all. It doesn't mean everything bad that ever happened disappears! It only means that you aren't alone in your fight. Family and friendship, it  takes work! You have to see them, and they have to see you. And Kara and the others, they love you!"
"If they fucking love me so much, why do they keep hurting me? Why am I the only one who gets lied to?!"
"It not that fucking simple! Everyone there has their own stuff. We're fucking terrified all the time. And now everything we ever feared is happening, and we can't even fucking be together!"
"What, now you're on their side?!" Lena heard the words spill out her head as messily as she felt, drenched in bitterness and insecurity. "Should've known that you would turn on me too."
Regret fills her immediately, but Lena drops Sam's hand like a searing pan.
Fuck.
"How can you think that?" Sam's voice was quiet now. Her eyes, Lena realized, were also filled with tears.
This is it. This is the moment I chase away the last person who's ever cared for me. One last screw over that will be wiped after the comet hits. One more mistake in my endless list.
Sam raised her arms. Lena reflexively leaned back, her heart hammering against her chest. Shit. She knew how this goes. She's seen enough fights between Lillian and Lionel end. She could hear the resonating crack from almost two decades ago. Lionel might have loved Lena, but he wasn't all that kind to Lillian.
You deserve this. You failed. You failed to protect yourself,  failed to protect the universe. You are never going to be enough. You failed both your families, you failed yourself.
Warmth burst around her. Sam wrapped her arms around Lena.
What in the world... why was Sam hugging her?
Shit, this feels nice.
"Sam?"
"There are no sides, Lena. That's the whole point. You are a part of this family, and we will fight like hell to keep it that way." Sam stroked her hair. "We aren't perfect, we are flawed, we hurt each other. But we aren't alone. We love fiercely, and we have each other's back. We take care of our own. And you are one of us. We love you. We are here if you accept us."
Lena sniffled against Sam's shirt. A fierce rush of gratitude rushed through her. Sam has always been her rock, her constant for almost six years now. She's had her back so many times. Her best friend.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Sam." Lena sobbed. "Shit, it's too late. I can't fix everything. I messed up. I messed the whole thing up-"
"Hey. There's still time." Sam drew back and swiped at her eyes. "You can still call Alex. We have... seven minutes left."
Lena nodded, biting her lip.
"Thank you, Sam."
She shakily dialed her phone.
"Alex?"
***
"Hi! Aunt Lena!" A little bundle of joy crawled into Lena's lap and gave her a hug.
Ruby.  She always meant a lot to Lena. Maybe because Lena never really had an aunt while she grew up. Maybe because her hugs were made of pure love; because Ruby is the most wonderful little human Lena ever met. Maybe because there was no tension, no tears involved. Ruby felt like hugging Lena, so she did.
It was the first time Lena cracked a smile in over a year.
"Hello, little monkey. Did you eavesdrop our whole fight?" She mussed her hair.
"Hey! I'm fourteen now. Not so little anymore." She carefully flattened her hair down. "And I know what swear words are, Auntie."
"Do you, now?"
"Yes!" She huffed. "Mom said she's making Mac and Cheese. She said your fridge was full of atrocious rabbit fodder and she hid about seventy percent of your kale." Ruby's voice dropped low and she whispered conspiratorially. "It's behind the eggs, don't tell her said that. Not that we'd be needing it anymore." She glanced sadly at the red skies.
"Are you okay, little monkey?"
"Aunt Lena, is there really no way to destroy the comet?" Ruby asked her.
Lena's heart broke. At that moment, she would've given anything to be back in her lab three weeks ago when they first found the comet. To have found a way out of this catastrophe.
She smiled sadly at Ruby. "I'm sorry, monkey. There's nothing we can do."
How do you tell a child that you failed her, that the entire world was gonna burn? That they were all going to die?
"It's okay, Aunt Lena. I love you." She kissed Lena on the cheek.
The elevator bell dinged and Lena could hear the doors open with a hiss. Her's mouth got just a little dry.
"I'm going to go help mom with the cheese. You should talk to them."
"Wait, Ruby-" she was gone. Great.
Lena exhaled shakily and got to her feet.
Here goes. Oh god. Why did I do this? This is a bad idea, shit. Shit, shit, shit. They still hate me why did I call them, they- Alex.
It was Alex. Suddenly, it wasn't the monsters that she was facing. It was Alex and Kelly and Nia and Brainy. Her family.
Alex stumbled forward first. "Lena, I-" She interrupted herself by crashing into Lena-"I'm so fucking sorry. I should've told you when the whole thing with Reign happened, but then Kara told me that she had to work things out between you and Supergirl, and then I lost my memories for a while-" Lena realized with a jerk that Alex was sobbing against her shoulder.
"-I feel like such an awful friend." Alex's voice cracked.
"Ale-Alex! Hey, it's okay." And for the first time, Lena really meant it. "I'm sorry too. I just felt-"
"Betrayed. I know. I'm sorry." She repeated, stepping away from Lena. She gave Lena a small smile. Smaller, but much like the one she gave Lena the first time they met in Kara's apartment. Tired, but it gives off so much warmth that Lena could feel it. It reminded Lena of all the times they spent together. All the days when they made small explosions in her lab and teamed up for game night.  When Alex took her to self-defense classes and showed her fancy tricks with her guns. She was Lena's best friend. She is.
"Brainy, Nia." God, it felt good to- Lena couldn't even describe it. She missed this. Her friendship with Brainy was one of the few things she treasured most in the world. He was the only one who could ever match her intellect, her best lab partner. Her friend. And to the lonely twelve-year-old genius from the Luthor family, that was everything. And Nia was one of the bravest people Lena knew, unafraid to be herself and face the world. Fighting every day for the greater good. And she was more than that, she was the one who taught Lena that she didn't have to hide who she was. Lena will be a Luthor her entire life. She just had to embrace it. Or as Nia had framed, quite eloquently; 'own it.'
Kelly, and her crazy therapy skills. Lena regretted not spending more time with her. She was such a wonderful person. Kelly was the silent rock of their group, Lena could see that now. She was always there and she knew exactly what to say. In Lena's eyes, she was magical. So determined in supporting her friends through everything. The sweetest, most bad-ass person out of them all.
Shit, Lena was crying now.
"No more little boxes, Lena." Brainy whispered in her ear, and she giggled. Even Lena was surprised by that.
He was right. No more boxes. She has three minutes left to live and she wasn't going to crush herself with the weight of her stupid boxes.
There was still one more person-
"Kara. I'm sorry Lena, she- couldn't make it." Alex squeezed her shoulder. "Barry's Earth- they don't have a Kara. She can live there and not disintegrate. I told her to go with him. I'm sorry, Lena."
Lena's lungs filled with lead.
"Yes, of course." Lena's voice sounded far away even to herself. "She deserves to live there, in peace. I'm sorry, excuse me."
Something akin to panic swelled over her. Anxiety? Sorrow? Feelings were not Lena's strong suit. Panic attacks, unfortunately, she's already dealt with. She backed away from the room, almost knocking Sam over in the process. "Uh- Bathroom."
The door slammed behind her, and Lena splashed her face with cold water.
She would never get to apologize, she would never even get to see Kara again. Her best friend. Her soulmate. And now, she would die without Kara knowing- knowing that-
Because Lena only ever hated herself. She could never,ever hate Kara.
She curled into a ball on the floor, trying to physically hold herself together so she didn't fall apart. She couldn't fall apart, not right now. Her heart was racing and her breathing was short and distressed.
"Lena? Open the door." Alex's voice, carried in through the door.
"I-I'll be right out!" Even Lena knew they won't buy it. She could hear her voice crack with emotion.
"Lena? You don't have to go through this alone, I just told you that." Her voice was soft, and Lena chose to listen.
"I know it's hard. I know you miss her, and I can't imagine what it must feel after everything that happened between you and Kara. It was difficult for me too. I'm leaving her alone, just like everyone else in her life. I'm leaving her and her world is ending again, and we can't do anything about it. I hate it. I broke my promise. She doesn't deserve this pain, and you don't either."
The door creaked open. Suddenly it was Alex surprised by the hug.
"Alex, I'm so sorry."
"Lena." Alex wrapped her arms around the small brunette. "Trust me, she knows. She knows that you love her."
Lena sniffed and pulled back.
"That's just it, Alex." Lena's voice grew softer. "She doesn't know that I'm in love with her."
"You're in love with me?" A small, hopeful voice echoed from the back of the room.
The blonde superhero stepped forward with the sunny smile Lena loved. "Sorry I'm late but, I bought emergency Potstickers." She waved a bag at the rest of them.
"Kara-" The word was out of her mouth before she realized it, but then it was Lena in Kara's arms and nothing else mattered. She buried her head in the Kryptonian's shoulders.
"Hey." Kara tucked a strand of hair behind Lena's mismatched eyes, and Lena fucking melted.  "You know, I've been doing some research." Her voice was low and breathy.
"Oh yeah?" Lena's eyes shined as bright as the red skies outside. Kara thought she could see the whole galaxy in her them.
"I think I finally know what Quantum Entanglement means." She rested her forehead against Lena's and smiled softly.
Lena's heart was racing. She reached up and caught Kara's lips in hers.
"I love you too, Lena."
***
"System error. Terminal order simulation failed."
Lena gasped and fell to her knees.
"Redirect operations to internal systems." She gasped, tears streaming down her face.
Just a few more, a few more minutes. Please. I need to hold her. I need to be held by her.
"Simulation failed."
"No! No, no, no. Please. Try again." Lena fumbled with her screen.
"Simulation failed."
"TRY AGAIN, GODDAMMIT." Lena cried, her voice full of raw emotion.
"Simulation failed. Shutting down. Thirty seconds left in final countdown."
"NO! I SAID FUCKING TRY AGAIN!"
"Twenty-five seconds."
The air was getting hotter. She could already see the streaks of green and red raining down from above outside Kara's window.
"Nooo." She sobbed. "Please, I need to see them. I need to hold her. Please." She crumpled on the floor, holding Kara's green hoodie in her hand. The last piece of her Lena had. The worst part is, Kara wasn't dead. Just lost forever, to Lena.
"Ten seconds."
"Please."
"Five seconds."
"I don't want to be alone." She whispered.
.
.
.
Here's my twitter, go yell at me. https://twitter.com/Keroessa24
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jaskierswolf · 3 years
Text
The Witcher’s Companion pt. 6/6
Main Summary: Geralt is summoned to Lettenhove to deal with a fiend when Jaskier is eight. Young Julian promptly decides he will do anything for the chance to travel with Geralt and have adventures outside of his stuffy castle life. (Also on AO3/my pinned masterlist)
Jaskier lunged at Ciri with his sword. The girl laughed and spun away in a pirouette before counter attacking. He parried her attack and flicked her sword from her hand. She yelled in frustration and stamped her foot.
“Ahh. Stop doing that!” She growled.
Jaskier let his sword dance in the air as he picked her sword up. “Well, hold your sword properly and you wouldn’t drop it so often.” He teased.
Geralt chuckled as he came up behind them. Jaskier sheathed his sword and flung his arms around his witcher’s neck. “Geralt! You’ve come to join us at last, Vesemir finally let you down from the roof.”
“Hmm.” Geralt buried his nose in Jaskier’s neck, a habit he’d picked up after the incident with the djinn that Jaskier had never built up the confidence to ask him about. “You used to hold your sword wrong too.”
“Ha!” Ciri pointed her sword and the pair of them but Geralt used Quen to shield them from her attack.
Jaskier stuck his tongue out from behind the glowing bubble. Ciri smirked and threw her hands forward. They were knocked over like dolls.
“Aunt Yennefer says your witcher signs are child’s play!” She giggled. “And I am a sorceress!”
Jaskier groaned as he pulled himself up off the floor. “Why did we let Yennefer near Ciri again?” He asked weakly.
“Because she needed a magic teacher and Yennefer is the best.” Geralt hummed.
Ciri smirked and threw herself at Jaskier with her sword. He swore and rolled out the way. He just managed to draw his blade to block her next attack. “Monsters don’t wait for you to be ready!” Ciri shouted.
Geralt laughed as Jaskier defended the onslaught of her attacks. “Princesses do!” He argued.
“I’m not a princess!” She ducked under his sword and swiped her blade at his feet.
He jumped over the attack and spun round, pulling his dagger from his boots. Over the years he’d decided he enjoyed the dance of having weapons in both hands. Geralt had bought him a shorter and lighter main sword to allow for the development in his style, and he often fought with a dagger in his second hand.
He swiped at Ciri’s side with the dagger and her armour tore open, a red ribbon fell from the gap. It had been Yennefer’s idea. She’d been concerned about their training and general lack of concern for personal safety so she’d enchanted their training armour to mimic injuries whilst not allowing any harm to come to them, as long as their weapons were similarly enchanted at the time.
“Haha!” He grinned.
“Fuck!” She leapt back.
“Ciri!” Geralt warned. “Don’t swear.”
Ciri growled and spun round to attack Geralt instead. Jaskier rolled his eyes but allowed the young witcher girl to swap sparring partners. Yennefer had almost bitten their heads off when she’d seen them ganging up on the girl last week, even though she’d insisted. He sheathed his weapons and pulled himself up to sit on the wall.
Geralt used a combinations of signs and melee attacks. It was Ciri’s second winter with the witchers and she was lethal on the training ground now. There was no holding back anymore.
Jaskier watched the pair of them spar. He couldn’t take his eyes off Geralt. He never could, not when Geralt didn’t know he was watching him. They’d been travelling together now for twenty-two years. He’d known the witcher for thirty-four years and yet Geralt never ceased to enchant him. Sure he’d had his own adventures without Geralt, particularly in his twenties but none of them held a candle to the ones where Geralt had been by his side.
Geralt was quite simply the most interesting man that he’d ever known. He was Jaskier’s best friend and their companionship was something no one else ever seemed to understand. Of course, to other people Jaskier played the foolish bard. It was easier to be underestimated and it had gotten them both out of trouble plenty of times when their enemies had focussed on Geralt entirely, not realising until their throats had been slit, that Jaskier was also armed and highly dangerous in his own right. Of course Jaskier’s indignant nature meant that he often got them into just as much trouble. He’d lost track of how many times Geralt had pulled him from a tavern or manor after he’d tried to start a fight when someone had insulted Geralt or witchers in general.
Jaskier liked that he was useful to Geralt. It was one of the things he prided himself on. He’d done what he’d set out to do. He’d become a perfect travel companion to a witcher, and now he had a family in the witchers, in Ciri, even in Yennefer.
She was sort of that sister that you really hated but would kill anyone else who tried to hurt her, and he was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.  
Ciri screamed and Geralt fell backwards across the courtyard.
“Oh shit!” He hopped off the wall and ran to the witcher. “Geralt!”
“I didn’t mean to!” Ciri cried.
Jaskier cupped Geralt’s face in his hands. There was blood staining his silver hair and running from him nose. “Come on, dear heart. Wakey wakey!” He cooed.
Geralt groaned. “Fuck.”
“Ah there we go. See, princess, no harm done.” Jaskier winked at the young girl. “It takes a lot more than that to take down the White Wolf.”
“Jask?” Geralt slurred.
“Yes darling?” He touched the cut on Geralt’s head lightly, pulling the hair apart. It wasn’t deep and wouldn’t need stitches. Geralt’s witcher healing would be enough.
“Your turn.” He mumbled and passed out.
__________________________
Geralt woke up with a splitting headache and a dry throat.
He grunted and tried to sit up but Jaskier pushed him back down.
“Oh no. Stay down, my dear.” The bard sang. “You just got blasted by a fourteen year old girl.”
“I am so sorry!” Ciri cried. “I just panicked!”
“I told her you’ll be fine.” Jaskier smiled brightly with a tilt of his head. “But I must say I am glad to see those beautiful eyes again, dear heart.”
Geralt grunted and sat up, pushing the bard away from him. “I’m fine, Jaskier.”
Ciri was staring at him with wide green eyes. “Are you sure?”
“Just a headache.” He pulled the young girl into a hug. “I’m sure Yen and the others will delight in this.”
Jaskier laughed melodically and lured Geralt into smiling back at him. “Oh yes, and naturally I already have two verses of a new song written.”
Geralt growled and knocked his friend off the bed.
“Oi! Hey that’s not fair!” Jaskier pouted.
Ciri was laughing now too, all fears forgotten.
He hummed and smiled at the pair of them, his family.
“Oh, Yennefer’s calling me.” Ciri said with a tilt of her head. “I’ll you at dinner, Geralt.”
Geralt nodded. Once she was gone he helped Jaskier up off the floor. The bard fell onto the bed and against Geralt’s chest. “Two verses?” He asked with a low chuckle. “You’re getting slow in your old age, Jask. I would have expected three by now.”
“Old age?!” Jaskier cried and scowled up at Geralt. “I am forty-two! That’s hardly old, witcher.”
Geralt scoffed. “Forty-two and still trailing round the continent after a witcher. Not bored yet?”
Jaskier pouted. “Of you? Geralt, never.”
The bard hummed under his breath as he curled up against Geralt’s chest. It wasn’t unusual. After so many years of travelling together, sharing beds when money was low or when it got cold at night, they’d become used to a lack of personal boundaries.
Forty-two.
Fuck.
How many years did humans live for anyway?
“Jask?” Geralt hummed as he threaded his fingers through the soft chestnut hair.
“Hmm?”
“What will you do when you get too old to travel?” He asked.
Jaskier snorted. “I will get a cane, the type with a sword in, and you’ll have to carry me when I get tired.”
Geralt frowned. “I’m serious.”
“So am I!” Jaskier sniffed and raised his head to look up at Geralt.
“Don’t you want to retire?” He asked, remembering what Jaskier had asked him all those years ago before the fated banquet.
“Witchers don’t retire so neither will I.” Jaskier insisted with a smirk. “What’s gotten into you?”
Geralt hummed. “I hadn’t realised you were so old.”
Jaskier laughed. “Ah yes, well. I do look pretty good for my age.”
“You have me to thank for that.” Yennefer said from the doorway. She was smirking at them. “Took you long enough to notice.”
“Yen? What?” Geralt growled.
“Oh no. What did you do to me, witch?” Jaskier snapped, sitting up and peering at the sorceress suspiciously.
“I did what I was asked to do. I saved your life.” She raised an eyebrow. “Permanently.”
“The fuck?” Geralt asked.
Yennefer shrugged. “Your witcher seemed desperate, bard. I was feeling generous. I was wondering how long it would take you to realise though. Honestly, I thought you’d worked it out years ago. Unfortunately that does mean Geralt won’t be carrying you anywhere any time soon.”
Geralt stared between the sorceress and the bard in shock. “Hmm.”
Jaskier seemed equally flummoxed for once in his life. “I’m… immortal?”
“Of sorts.” Yennefer smirked. “As long as you don’t get killed. It’s an old spell, found in an old witchers’ keep. Witchers used to have companions, back before humans turned on them. The companions were meant to make the witchers seem more… approachable, less like the monsters people think they are. A witcher and their companion were linked by magic, prolonging the companion’s life to match their witcher.”
“So what, you just… linked me and Geralt?” Jaskier gaped.
Yennefer nodded. “I didn’t think it would work. The spell was only supposed to work if the pair already had a deep emotional connection, which as I am sure you both know, is supposedly not easy for witchers due to the mutations. It’s why the companions ceased to exist and the spell was lost. An old friend of mine found it in the ruin years ago. I never thought I would have the chance to use it, and then you walked in dragging a bloody bard behind you.”
“Hang on!” Jaskier waved his hands. “A deep emotional connection?”
“That’s what the book said.” Yennefer nodded.
“But Geralt barely acknowledges that we’re friends!” Jaskier pouted.
Geralt groaned and pulled his pillow over his face.
“Oh, Jaskier.” Yennefer sighed. “I can read minds. You have no idea!”
“Get out!” Geralt threw the pillow at Yennefer. She waved her hands and the pillow turned to dust.
“Fine!” She grinned. “I was leaving anyway. Ciri is waiting for me.” She strode from the room, leaving Geralt to deal with the mess she’d created.
“Geralt?” Jaskier asked quietly. “Umm… is this alright? I know you didn’t ask for this. You probably thought you’d be shot of me in a few years.”
Geralt nodded and tilted his head. “It’s fine. Are you ok?”
Jaskier hummed. “Yes. Sort of. It’s a lot to take in, the whole immortality thing.” He said with a wave of his hands. “But with you? I suppose it could be alright. Just another adventure really, isn’t it?” Jaskier’s smile shone brighter than the sun, lighting up the entire room and warming Geralt’s heart.
Geralt nodded and Jaskier fell back against his chest with a contented sigh. Geralt felt himself smile.
Jaskier, the witcher’s companion.
Taglist: @alwenarin @slythnerd @davidtennan-t @flippinfricks @awitchersbard @genkitaco @innocentcinnamonpun @marvagon @elliestormfound @geraskier-trashh @panerato
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Winchester Child 3 of 4 (thanks John)
Warnings: None, spoilers for Supernatural’s earlier seasons Words: 2500 (I swear I don’t feel like it’s that long) Summary: A short where you are another one of John’s bastard children who grows up with the family but never really feels apart of it until much later.  Reader: 2nd-person, female pronouns A/N: I’m trying to do some writing while I have spare time and it’s not going great but the best way to move past it is to force yourself to write more so I tried to write a short on an idea for a reader-insert I’ve had for a while :)
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The night air never made you shake as hard as you did that night. Maybe it wasn’t the wind that caused your discomfort, but the yelling as your father, John and half-brother, Sam, fought. Beside you was your other half brother, Dean. You stood between your brothers with Dean closer to your father. You were freshly 18, a year and a bit younger than Sam. 
After the death off his wife, John had turned to a rather unhealthy form of grieving. One night, after finding a baby sitter for his two young children, he encountered a rather pretty woman who took pity on his situation and offered him a night of free beers and other activities which resulted in you. Unfortunately, like many women the Winchesters encountered, your mother didn’t live long after birthing you and informing John of your existence. Now stuck with two babies, John really did try to make you someone else’s problem. He could barely take care of two kids, how was he going to take on another, not to mention a girl? Yet, despite all he tried, you just seemed to stick. Now one could get rid of you no matter how hard they might have tried. So you grew up as the illegitimate Winchester girl. The black sheep of the hunter family.
John never really looked at you the way he did Sam and Dean. Dean never recognised you as his sister. It was hard enough for him to relate to Sam, who’d never met his mother, but even harder for him to relate with you. You were only half his sister and a burden on top of that as for many years of his younger life he was stuck looking after you and Sam. But hey, at least you had Sam. Being very close in age and slightly less traumatised than Dean, you got along very well and would always be on research duty. In many ways, you two were the same. You both caring and thoughtful and neither of you had a good relationship with your father. The difference was Sam had a goal and aspirations. He wanted to be a lawyer and he wasn’t going to let anyone stop him. You, on the other hand, had no idea what you wanted to do and never got the opportunity to explore your passions. 
You’d never forget the sound of John raising his voice like he did that night. Even as you heard it all you already knew what was going to happen. Sam had made up his mind. He was going to Stanford and he wasn’t going to let his dad bully him out of it anymore. Sam had spoken to you about it the night before and offered for you to go with him. You were old enough to enrol in a nearby community college and crash with Sam in whatever little apartment he could get his hands on. You both knew you wouldn’t get into a course at Stanford- you didn’t have the education thanks to the constant travelling- but Sam assured he’d make it work. You turned him down, though. You couldn’t stand up to John as Sam could, and you couldn’t bare to become a burden on Sam when he finally got to get away from it all. 
“If you leave us- if you go to Stanford- don’t you ever come back, you hear me? Don’t you ever come back!” John had yelled. Sam had given you and Dean a sad look like a silent goodbye and left after that. 
With Sam now gone, and John growing more and more absent in your life with each passing day, you were forced to get closer with Dean. It was weird. You’d know Dean your whole life and yet he felt like a stranger to you and it was clearly mutual. Often you were chasing at his heels, scared of getting left behind. The years you spent with Dean while Sam was off at Stanford didn’t include a lot of bonding between the two of you, but you did pick up a lot of his traits that included but were not limited to: being headstrong, stubborn, argumentative, and thinking that yelling louder meant you were winning. This lead to a lot of screaming matches between you and your older brother that never really went anywhere. 
Living in close quarters with Dean and constantly butting heads caused you to gain quite the temper too, to the point that you were once 5 seconds away from getting arrested for assault after finding out Dean had let some poor unsuspecting waitress borrow your clothes after spending the night in the neighbouring motel room to the one you had been staying in. 
2005 rolled around like a blessing you didn’t realise you’d been praying for. Dean had grown anxious enough about your father’s disappearance that he’d resorted to asking Sam for help. He dragged you along for the long drive to Stanford. As per tradition, you sat in the back of the Impala. 
“You know, I’m surprised your pride calmed down enough for to actually admit needing help, Dean. I didn’t think it was possible,” You mocked from the back seat as you toyed with the cord on your walkman. 
“Yeah, well maybe if you were any help we wouldn’t be needing to go harass Sammy,” he retorted. “You don’t even want to help look for dad. All you do is whine and complain until it comes to your turn to get off your ass and then suddenly it’s not an issue.” 
“My stance on dad is very clear.”
“What? ‘Cause he said you were acting like a skank that one time? Geez, (Y/N) he’s done way worse to me and you don’t see me just up and abandoning family like that. It’s not like he was completely wrong anyway-” 
You kicked the back of the headrest on the driver’s seat. “Family- bah,” you scoffed at Dean. “Family is you, dad and Sammy. I don’t come into that equation. Never have, never will, all ‘cuz my genes are a bit different to yours.” You could see Dean roll his eyes in the revision mirror. “Just ‘cause Mary wasn’t my mum doesn’t mean I didn’t lose a mother. You don’t give Sam shit and he knew your mum as long as I knew mine.” 
From the reflection in the mirror, you could see Dean’s mouth go taut. It was something you had argued over many times and there was never any progress, so he instead he turned up on the volume on the stereo. In response, you turned up your walkman and spent the rest of the drive in bitter silence. 
Hours later, the Impala rolled up to a little flat a couple blocks from the university which you assured was where Sam lived now. It was the middle of the night and Dean was already out of the car and looking for a way to break in before you could get a word out. You raced out after him and yanked him back before he could crawl through a window. Dean went to protest, but stopped when you gestured for him to be quiet. That was one of the few things you and Dean could do and that was work well on hunts together. When one of you gave the other a signal, you would listen.
“Why don’t we use the door, Dean? Like normal people.” You hissed under your breath. Dean smirked.
“Normal people? Since when have we ever been like that?” Although he joked, he obliged and you both snuck back over to the front door and Dean knocked. You eyed him and saw he was nervous. It was weird to see him practically sweating with anticipation. You never saw that side of Dean, but before you could tease him, the door opened.
A groggy looking blonde woman stood in the doorway in a robe while rubbing her eyes and hiding a yawn. Clearly she’d only just woken up, and no wonder considering it was past midnight. “Hello?” She said with a frown.
“Hi, Jessica-”
“Jessica?” Dean scrunched his nose and looked down at you, confused.
“I’m (Y/N), Sam’s brother. We spoke on the phone last year around Christmas. This is Dean, other brother.” You smiled as recognition washed over the girl’s face and she nodded. 
“Yeah… yeah I remember. What are you guys doing here? Actually, nevermind… I’ll go get Sam.” She stepped back into the house. “Give me a minute.” She then disappeared into the living room to assumably go get Sam. Once the coast was clear, Dean grabbed your arm and spun you to look at him.
“You know her?” Dean said in a hushed voice.
“Of course I know her, Sam and Jessica have been dating for a while. And before you ask, I ring Sam every Christmas and we talk shit about you for a few hours. It’s no big deal.” Besides complaining about Dean, your annual calls to Sam also involved you catching up on what was going on in his life and getting to unload your own problems to someone who would listen. You never told Sam, because you didn’t want him to feel guilty, but you missed him a lot. 
Sam came into view a minute later, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and a large smile stretching across his face as he saw his siblings standing in the doorway. You were practically beaming and leap and him as soon as he got close and pulled him into a tight hug. You felt the rumbling of his chest as he gave a hearty laugh and hugged you back. Big hugs were something you always did with Sam before he left. You were surprised, though, when there was a pressure against your back as Dean joined and squished you in the middle. It was… a shock to be sure- Dean hadn’t ever given you a proper hug before- but it was a welcome one. 
Dean decided to let Sam get back to sleep and process your arrival and he and you spent the night in the Impala. The next morning you both met Sam bright and early at a local coffee shop to talk and catch Sam up on everything that had happened and why you were there. Sam chuckled when he saw you both.
“What’s so funny?” You mused as you slide across the seat in a booth and Dean sat beside you, giving you a slight shove. 
“Oh, it’s just..” Sam was looking between the two of you fondly. “It’s like I’m seeing double.” He finally admitted. This caused you and Dean to look at each other, where you realised you were practically wearing the same thing. You both had a grey shirt, red button-up and black jacket with jeans and boots. You even had similarly scruffy hair. As if to prove Sam’s point further, a waitress came by with an order of two coffees and two plates of fries and a burger.
“It wasn’t intentional,” you snapped. Sam’s eyebrows raised a little at the sudden burst of attitude.
“You’re like a mini-Dean.” Sam joked.
“Yeah, she wishes,” Dean teased and gave you another shove with his elbow. You grumbled.
“More like he’s an exaggerated me.” You pushed Dean back and then shuffled to sit away from him to avoid further harassment. “If you don’t stop I’m gonna start acting like Dean and then you’ll have two big babies with a bad taste in movies to deal with.” 
You decided to instead focus on eating your food and listen after that while Dean briefed Sam on what was going on. 
Neither you, Dean or Sam, had expected that after that day you’d all be travelling together again. After what happened to Jessica, Sam was back and hunting. It felt almost wrong to see him in the front seat again with Dean. Sam was the one who was meant to get out, yet here he was getting dragged back in again. You wanted to console him, but there was only so much talking he’d do before getting frustrated and wanting to be left alone. You found yourself sitting with Dean outside of whatever motel you were staying at some nights. You’d mainly talk about Sam and how you both worried about him. It seemed that finally the two of you had something in common.
Weeks and weeks of running around the States, hunting monsters and what-not, you were finally blessed with the knowledge that your father was, in fact, alive and had not had the time to get back to Dean. Instead of getting to hear some sort of praise for your efforts, John instead gave Dean instructions and lists of jobs to go finish up. During these jobs, the three of you encountered a demon named Meg. Like a lot of demons oddly enough, Meg liked to talk and revealed she had a connection to what had killed Mary. All the time you found yourself getting angrier with your father’s actions and the way he treated your brothers. It wasn’t until Dean reported what you’d found out about Meg did the Winchester father make the effort to come to meet up with you.
You stood back by the Impala while your brothers paced the street impatiently, waiting for the arrival of their dad. He arrived eventually. Dean was first to hug John, while Sam was a little more reluctant. You picked at your nails, waiting for it all to just be over so you could get back on the road. You were annoyed at your father and weren’t in the mood to be acting like you weren’t. No one seemed to notice you for a while until finally, Dean spoke up.
“And, you know, if it wasn’t for (Y/N) we never would have heard anything off that demon.” At the sound of your name, you perked up and begrudgingly walked over. Neither you nor John made an effort to hug as your brothers had. As you stood awkwardly, Dean looked down at you and saw the tight expression on your face. “Of course… you never notice when she does stuff, huh dad.” 
Nothing came from that comment and you ended up excusing yourself to sit in the car to avoid saying something you’d regret, but as you sat in the Impala with your walkman, you smiled a bit. Dean… stood up for you? Sure, it wasn’t much but it was something. Now that you had the chance to think about it, Dean had been acting differently towards you ever since Sam had come back. It was nice. Maybe things were going to start changing.
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experimentalmadness · 4 years
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More one-shots featuring my OC and Harvey Dent, if you’re curious about more of their story you can find other stories here. Hope you like YEARNING, because we are doing some mutual pining in this household tonight. 
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She had broken into many places in her life, but that had been her first pharmacy. Jacky kept to the rooftops. The old apartments here were so close together it was easy enough to jump from building to building, no fancy equipment required. If only all jobs could be so quick and painless. The poor pharmacist was going to be sleeping with the lights on for the foreseeable future, Jacky guessed. Hopefully she’d be true to her word and not snitch. Good kid though, they didn’t have to help them find the right medicine, but they did it anyway. Maybe they thought she was just someone desperate with no insurance.
Well, she was, wasn’t she?
She flinched as the first drop of rain landed on her nose. Oh great. That meant she only had a few more minutes until—a curtain of water descended from the night, slicking the roof tops and soaking Jacky through in less than a minute. A quiet purr of thunder followed. Never could have just a little mist or drizzle in Gotham. Had to be a storm or nothing. 
Luckily she was almost to homebase. 
One more leap was all it took, she skidded on the landed, sliding right for the roof access door and almost losing her balance. No one was around to see this less than graceful entrance. Trying the door she found it locked. Huffing strands of wet, fading-bleached hair out of her eyes, Jacky considered busting the door in. Nah, too much trouble. And she really didn’t fancy getting more soaked than she already was trying to pick the look in the dark either. 
Shortcut it was. 
Heading back over to the roof’s edge, Jacky peered down until she spotted the fire escape. Lining herself up and saying a quick prayer she jumped down, slamming onto the cold, iron grating. The impact went from her knees to her teeth, but at least she was golden. The resident inside the apartment window she’d landed beside gave a single scream. Jacky turned about, raising a half salute before climbing down to the apartments below. Poor lady, hopefully she didn’t get any thoughts about calling the police. Jacky was not in the mood to deal with the GCPD. 
It was two more flights before she arrived at her destination. The curtains were closed, blocking her view inside, but should tell the lights were still on. She rapped at the window twice before giving it an experimental push. 
She hadn’t counted on it being unlocked.
The window flew inward and Jacky had just enough time to think that this was exactly why she really hadn’t gotten into burglary before she tumbled into the apartment, tangling up in the curtains. The unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked kept her still. “It’s just me, boss,” she said through a mouthful of cloth.
“Jacky?” 
Harvey pulled the curtains off of her as she rose to her feet. “We could have shot you.”
“Eh, I liked my odds. Besides it’s not my fault the roof hatch was locked again.” Jacky slicked her short hair back, sniffling as she wiped the rain water from her eyes. 
It had been three months since she started working for him full time and Jacky still couldn’t equate seeing him in this slum. She’d grown up not too far from this street. She knew he’d come from those same roots, but somehow he was always in an orbit far beyond her. Far beyond the scum she’d been trying to kick the dust off of for years. Harvey set the revolver on the small, circular table at the corner of the room that served as the majority of the apartment. 
“What are you doing here?” he snapped, fixing her with his good eye. Sometimes if she tilted her head right he’d look the same. But even that blue eye had an ice, cold edge to it now. 
“Angling for that overtime pay?” 
He did not look amused. “Okay, okay, I got something for you,” she held out her hands in surrender before fishing for the items in her satchel. “Doc says you should be using these—”
“We don’t need those.”
“—every day or there could be serious complications!”
 “Did we hire you to be a goddamn nurse?” It was still taking some getting used to, the voice that was and wasn’t Harvey Dent’s. The person that moved his body around, that possessed him, that was still him in all the ways he didn’t want to admit. 
“No, you hired me to take care of your enemies, and sometimes, Harvey, that’s you.”
She was never sure how far to push the man who was still her friend, a total stranger, and now her employer. Saying yes to the job was easy. She’d already gone down as far as one could go in this city. If anyone was going to follow him down the rabbit hole it had to be her. 
Harvey ran an exasperated hand through his hair. “Get yourself dried off, Jacky, and get out of here.” He gestured to the bathroom off the corner. 
Stubborn. Well he was in here with the champ. But she was soaking wet, still. She grabbed the medical supplies and hauled off into the cramped bathroom, taking a towel she dried off the ends of her hair, wiping down her face, neck. She turned on the tap to get some hot water on her chilled hands. The hottest she could get it was still lukewarm. “Damnit,” she cursed, shutting off the water and slamming the towel against the rim of the tub next to her. Leaning against the sink counter she got a good hard look at the haggard woman staring back at her in the dirty mirror, along with Harvey, leaning against the doorway. 
Her fingers curled against the yellowing counter top. It hurt to look at him. There was still that blue eyed stare that got to her the way no one else’s ever had or ever would. “I’m not leaving,” she said to the reflection. 
“We can make you.”
Two nights ago she’d watched as he broke a man’s neck on the flip of a coin. When only two years ago those same hands had helped her put up campaign flyers and posters in her shop and gestured emphatically about how Gotham was going to change. And a few months before that had held her secure as he danced her across Bruce Wayne’s manor, both of them laughing about made up scandals and whiskey. 
Jacky turned around, hiked herself up on the counter top and sat back. “Alright, heads you throw me right out on my ass out the window, scarred side you try the damn treatment.”
Oh, he was livid. But he still went for the coin in his pocket. It was only three stories up, if he really did throw her out it wouldn’t hurt much. Jacky watched the coin flip, saw how carefully he studied it. The most decisive man she ever knew, basing his every move now on the whim of a silver dollar. He pocketed the coin in silence and padded over to her. She stiffened, back pressed up against the mirror. Shit, he really was going to pick her up and toss her out. 
“So...you gonna show us what exactly is in this damn stuff you got, or—”
Jacky breathed out a shaky, laughing breath, her shoulders rolling forward, muscles releasing every line of tension. She felt for the satchel still at her belt, not taking her eyes off him. “It’s for the scarring, least that’s what the pharmacist said. I made him find the right things.”
“Useless junk,” he mumbled.
“Not if you don’t want to get infected,” Jacky countered. “Let’s see what you do when you can’t even talk back to me ‘cause the skin’s so tight from the scar tissue you can’t even move your damn mouth ‘cause you refuse to get skin grafts, genius. And can you even see out of that eye anymore?” She waved in what she knew was his blindspot. 
“Shadows and light,” Harvey said quietly. “But that’s all we need.”
“You’re gonna lose that eye,” Jacky was already working on the eye dropper bottle, tearing the seal and setting a packet of gauze out on her lap. “And I’m sorry, Harvey, but I’m not gonna just sit here and watch you do that. I’m not. And I know you didn’t hire me for this, but I’m gonna be honest...I’m kinda cashing in on five plus years of friendship on this one. You have to trust me.”
Sometimes he looked at her like he didn’t quite know her. That part she refused to get used to. The expression faded as he nodded. “Alright, Jacky, we trust you.”
He was still looming over her, close enough to touch, close enough to make her aware of how pathetic she’d been for these five odd years. Oh, Jacky, you miserable idiot, what were you thinking? This all felt close to some vivid hallucination. Harvey sat along the edge of the tub, no more smart remarks or resistance. Jacky leaned over him now, the countertop giving her the needed height as she primed the dropper. That pharmacist had better have given her the right stuff or she was going to pay them another far less friendly visit. 
Harvey looked straight up at her and Jacky’s mouth went dry. The scars gave him a permanent snarl where the left edges of his lips had burned away, but on the undamaged side she swore she could see something akin to...disappointment? The burned eye was red, wild, and from this close it really was like looking into two different faces. Yet they were both patient. And they both were as good as their word. 
The pharmacist had said two drops so that’s what Jacky did. Harvey pulled away as they hit the red eye, flinching, trying to blink without eyelids. Jacky was ready for that. She placed the gauze pad over the eye, tearing off medical tape and sticking it delicately around the edges. “You gotta keep it on for the rest of the night, Harvey,” she said. 
“Like how you kept the damn tape on when you got your nose busted?” Harvey jabbed her right in the bridge of the nose in question, pushing her head back gently as she laughed unexpectedly. 
“Hey, that was different,” she bit back a grin as she fished around in the bag, pulling out the ointment.
His laughter nowadays was a grating, raspy, vicious sound. She still loved hearing it. “You know I had that little situation under control before you walked in. Thought you were gonna kill that poor mugger.”
The gel came out clear, she ran a finger’s worth down the middle of his face, where the scar tissue met undamaged skin. 
“We wanted to,” he snapped. 
“I’m flattered, boss.”
She had to bring herself so close in order to do this right. The burned skin felt different than she had imagined. This was a rough map and she was tipping over the edge of it. Jacky didn’t fish for conversation as she smoothed the medicine over his face. She had to focus, trying hard not to catch Harvey’s gaze meant she concentrated harder on this new map she was following. The burns were harder, more twisted in some places, in others almost smooth, like new skin was trying so hard to break past the ruin. She didn’t go near his lower cheek and jaw, where the tendon was barely holding the structure together. 
Blood hit her tongue, and Jacky unclenched her teeth. She should have been there that day. Didn’t matter how impossible that was. Didn’t matter she would never have known, didn’t matter she had only just been released from Blackgate a few weeks prior, didn’t matter she would have had no business being in that courtroom. Then at least he wouldn’t be sitting in this slum of a hideout with her. He’d be home with Gilda and she’d still be going about the necessary work of untangling herself from his association for his own good. 
Jacky really wished in that moment she hadn’t noticed that Harvey wasn’t wearing his wedding ring anymore.
Things were already dangerous enough. 
Her hand went down across his neck where the acid had splashed. The attacker would have had to get in close, possibly only a difference of inches between how close she was to Harvey now. She knew that because the only difference between her and that hitman was who they had signed a contract with. It was sheer dumb luck Maroni had put the hit out first and not Falcone when it cold have easily been him. And it could have easily been her holding that bottle of acid, and what would she have done then? 
Her panic blinkered out as Harvey tilted his head into her hand, eye closed. He pulled in a deep sigh that uncoiled every hidden line of stress in his body. She could feel the tension in his muscles unravel beneath her fingertips and transfer directly into her as she clutched the edge of the sink counter. 
That sigh might have bought her a few years out of purgatory. 
Jacky had managed to interpret the new map of his face in its entirety, but this expression now was utterly foreign. His undamaged side faced hers, good eye still closed. She wanted to reach out and brush aside his hair, tell him she couldn’t work for him. This wasn’t a job. Maybe start telling him about all the impossible things she’d gotten very good at boxing up and locking away. 
Instead, like the coward she always was, she moved her hand away.
Harvey opened his eyes. 
And Jacky continued her work without comment.
She knew there were more burns down his shoulder and chest that she could not get to, and she had to get out of this apartment soon or she was going to lose what little she still had of her mind. She was about to close up the bottle when Harvey held out his hand, letting it rest, palm up in her lap. The only quiet insistence that she wasn’t done yet and the closest thing she was ever going to get to him admitting she had been right about the medicine. 
He flexed his fingers as she soothed more of the medication into his palm. The scars on his hand were the ones she could handle the least. The disfigurements were an adjustment, but the burns on his hand were the reminder of the real brutality. The sudden instinct to defend, the recoil. Jack knew she lingered for a second too long, fingers tracing directionless along the edge of his wrist. 
Some excuse was about to escape her lips when, with his free hand, Harvey reached up to tuck back a loose strand of her hair. “Hey,” he whispered in a voice that sounded like his own, incredulous, and strangely surprised. Why did it sound like he had only now noticed it was her sitting here the whole time? “Hey, Jacky…” He let the piece of hair fall from between his fingers, the backs of his knuckles trailing down her cheek as Jacky forgot to breathe.
His fingers tilted her chin up as he leaned in closer and oh, good Christ, she was going to let this happen. There were no more reasons to stop herself. Her whole world was already upside down. It wouldn’t fix a damn thing, but the medicine wouldn’t magically heal those scars either, that didn’t mean it hadn’t helped. 
She had just about convinced herself to give in when Harvey pulled away, opting instead to dive for the coin in his pocket, his breath coming in short, almost panicked bursts. He tossed it up once and Jacky had to restrain the sheer mania that nearly made her snatch the coin out of the air. Instead he caught it as he always did, uncovering it to reveal the scarred side of the dollar. He stared at it hard, brow knitting into a frown and Jacky felt her heart sink from the unexpected heights it had managed to reach seconds before. She hoped it didn’t show on her face. She looked down, fumbling with the cap to the medicine, pretending none of that had happened. 
“Still want that overtime pay?” Harvey placed his unburnt hand over hers. What remained of his lips tried to smile.
“Didn’t come here for the money.”
“Yeah...yeah I know,” his fingers curled around her wrist, thumb rubbing a half circle around the back of her hand. Jacky felt every pinpoint of pressure; a reminder of how far out to sea she was. 
“You shouldn’t be here, Harvey,” Jacky blurted out, a modicum of real courage seeping into her veins. He shook his head even as the first words left her mouth, rising to his feet, pulling away from her. “I think you should let me drive you to a hospital, a doctor...anyone...I think you should let Miri and I put you up until you can get back on your feet so you’re not hiding out in this slum,” she was losing him. His back was to her as he tried to wave her off. 
“Not going to happen, Jacky,” he said, and was she hallucinating or did she detect a note of genuine disappointment. “You get out of here. Go home. When we got work for you we’ll call.”
“For what?” Jacky hopped down from the sink, grabbing her jacket from the tub and shoving her arms through furiously. “When you need a bank robbed? A hit put out on more of Falcone, or Penguin’s men? You think you’re really gonna take this city?”
“We know we are,” he glared at her, from over his shoulder, his red eye unmoving, unblinking. “We’re gonna give this city back what it gave us double.” He stepped away, idly tossing that damn coin in his good hand. Whatever quiet spell had overtaken them just moments before was gone now. The would-be-mob boss was firmly back in his place. 
“That’s not what you told me,” Jacky said. Maybe he’d shoot her after all. Her fingers were still slick with the gel, she could still feel the map of the burns under her skin. “You told me you were gonna change this city. It’s not too late.”
“If you’re not with us, Jacky, you’re against us.”
That snapped a raw nerve she didn’t even realize she had left. She shoved him back, hard, watching that already snarling face twist further. “You gotta ask me that, Harvey?”
“The name’s Two-Face.”
“Your name is Harvey Dent and I’m not letting you forget it! I think you should come with me, but I can’t make you. So screw it,” she ran an exasperated hand through her hair as a desperate laugh choked out of her. “You want me to shake down a few civilians? Put a bullet in the right person’s head? Yeah, sure, Harv, I’ll do that easy. Whatever you want. But I think you should flip that coin of yours again.”
“Not how it works,” his voice had gone quiet again, but it was still the same persona. “Fate isn’t always fair, Jacky. Please just...go.”
If she was a braver woman she would have ignored fate and finished what they had started. “You gotta remember to use that medicine,” she said leaning hard against the door. 
“We will.”
“You’re a terrible fucking liar, Harvey.”
“So are you.”
“Well,” Jacky sighed, a tired laugh escaping her as she opened the door. “Guess that makes us two sides of the same coin.”
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hysterialevi · 4 years
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Red Dead Rising | Chapter 4
Fanfic summary: 12 YEARS BEFORE RDR2 - Greed, money, and larceny. These are the only things Arthur has ever known; the only things he’s ever been taught. But when Dutch decides to hit a town called Harlow, what started out as nothing more than a plan to rob the local bank ends up igniting the events that lead to RDR2, and a 24 year-old Arthur is forced to confront his morality while the gang faces a terrifying enemy of their own making.
Point of view: third-person
Author’s note: Omg guys I’m sorry this chapter took so long to get out. I hit a writer’s block for a while (and also ran into a few technical difficulties), but I’m finally happy with it. Hope you enjoy and thanks for being so patient.
This story is also on AO3 and Wattpad
Previous chapter
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER
GILLIS FARM
Trotting underneath the golden sun, Arthur rode through the lush grass and rolling hills as he made his way to Gillis Farm, eager to see his fiancée again.
It had been quite some time since the young man last got a chance to visit Mary. For the past couple of months, Arthur had been so busy running around with the gang and planning robberies with them, that he barely had any time to write to the woman, let alone see her in person.
It made him feel guilty, leaving her hanging for so long. They were going to be married soon, after all... and as a husband, he couldn’t afford to leave his wife alone. If Arthur wanted this marriage to work, he’d have to be there for Mary and support her in their new life together. As a couple.
What truly worried Arthur, though... was his recent conversation with Benjamin.
Up until this point, the young outlaw had been convinced that he was more than ready to go through with the marriage. Arthur loved Mary more than anyone else in his life, and he knew the feeling was mutual. They were practically soulmates by now. How could anything go wrong?
But when Benjamin expressed his doubts pertaining to Mary’s commitment, Arthur couldn’t deny that he shared some of the man’s concerns.
Robert had been such an obstacle in their relationship for these past few years that it was impossible to guarantee he wouldn’t have any influence on Mary in the days to come.
...What if Benjamin and Susan were right? What if Mary didn’t love him as much as he thought? Would she really pick her father’s opinion over a new life with him? It shook the young man to the core to even think about it.
If Arthur lost Mary... he didn’t know what he’d do.
He had put so much time and effort into their relationship that if she simply walked away after all this... he’d feel like she was taking a part of him with her.
There was no way Arthur would be able to just “move on” if Mary decided to drop him, and the mere thought of her leaving him put the man in a state of panic.
But... then again, Mary had yet to actually do anything to solidify his doubts. She had been nothing if not compassionate to him so far, and Arthur knew for a fact that their love was mutual.
These thoughts were probably nothing more than temporary anxiety due to their upcoming wedding. This was most-likely what a lot of people went through before their marriage, and Arthur had to remind himself to calm down.
Everything would be okay. He just had to trust Mary.
Finally arriving at Gillis Farm, Arthur steadily slowed Abitha down to a halt and took in the quaint view, admiring the natural beauty surrounding it.
The farm was located on a flat plot of land that seemed to have nothing but open fields stretching out in front of it, and off to the side, Arthur could see a lively collection of farm animals lazing about inside the fenced area.
There were cows, chickens, pigs, goats, and even some horses, too. A few of the creatures lifted their heads in curiosity at the sight of the young man visiting their farm, but the rest of them seemed to be unbothered and simply carried on with their day.
Hopefully, the same would apply to Mary’s family.
Approaching the hitching posts, the outlaw hopped off his mount and left her near the other horses that were also gathered there, giving her a small treat to thank her for the lengthy ride.
The farm wasn’t a long distance from Indigo Peak necessarily, but Arthur would’ve been lying if he said he had no problems navigating the steep hills and rocky rivers dotting the region. It took a good chunk of effort to not slip in a few places, and he definitely didn’t look forward to backtracking through that mess once this visit was over.
Oh, well. He supposed it was worth it if it meant he got to see Mary.
“Good job, girl...” Arthur said softly, feeding Abitha an oatcake. His companion wiggled her pointy ears in gratitude.
“Arthur!” A woman’s voice suddenly called out to him, getting his attention.
Turning around at the sound of his name, Arthur spotted an elated Mary waving to him from the front porch, trying not to trip over her dress as she walked down the steps to greet him.
At the moment, Mary was wearing a simple yellow blouse paired with a navy blue skirt, and her hair had been tied into a stylish bun. A few annoying strands danced around her face due to the light breeze in the area, but that only gave Arthur the chance to tuck them behind her ear before pulling her into a loving embrace.
“Hello, Mary,” he said softly. “It’s good to see you again.”
Mary smiled, hugging him back. “You too, Arthur. You too. I’m so glad you came. How’ve you been?”
Arthur separated the hug and returned the smile. “Good. Busy, but good.” His expression dimmed a bit. “I’m sorry I didn’t visit you more often. I wanted to, but... things have been hectic lately.”
The woman didn’t appear to be bothered. “Well, you’re here now, Arthur. That’s what matters.”
She fell silent for a moment, changing the subject.
“Are you, um... still with Dutch and Hosea?”
Arthur nodded, although not proudly. He was well aware of what his fiancée thought about the gang.
“Yes. But don’t worry, Mary. I’m gonna leave ‘em soon. We just have one more job to take care of, and then I’ll be gone once the wedding’s here.”
Mary wasn’t entirely convinced. “Are you sure? You may be willin’ to leave, but... do you really think Dutch and Hosea will let you go that easily?”
“...I don’t know,” he conceded. “Maybe not. But I’m an adult now. Even if they don’t like my decision to leave, I’m sure they’ll respect it.”
That seemed to comfort the woman somewhat.
“That’s good to hear. I just... I don’t want there to be any trouble with gangs once we’re married, Arthur. Things’ll be busy enough as is.”
“There won’t be.” He reassured. “Dutch and Hosea may be outlaws, but they’re good men. They wouldn’t put us in harm’s way.”
Mary paused for a second. “...I was talkin’ about the O’Driscolls.”
Arthur raised a brow. “The O’Driscolls? What about them?”
She lowered her voice, pulling the young man closer to her. “It ain’t no secret that they’re not fond of Dutch’s boys, Arthur. Even if you leave the gang, they’ll still see you as one of them. Are you sure we’ll be safe? That... Colm won’t come after us?”
The outlaw shrugged. “What reason would he have? Colm’s main beef is with Dutch. Not me.”
“I know...” Mary said anxiously. “I just... I worry about you. You’re always out there, runnin’ around and getting shot at. It’s impossible to not fear for your safety.”
Arthur gently placed a hand on the side of Mary’s face. “Everything’ll be alright, Mary. I promise.”
The young woman decided to let go of her worries for now and simply let out a sigh, realizing that it was pointless to repeat the same fears over and over again.
Mary may not have liked Arthur’s involvement with crime, but she was also aware that he couldn’t just drop everything and leave. Despite being an outlaw, Arthur also had his own responsibilities to take care of, and for now... she was just going to have to accept that.
But before she could think anymore on the subject, an intrusive voice suddenly joined the scene and called out to the woman, interrupting the affectionate moment she was sharing with her fiancé.
“Mary!” They exclaimed in a gravelly tone.
She let out an uneasy breath, knowing exactly who it was before even seeing them.
“...Daddy.”
Robert Gillis stomped in their direction, pointing an accusatory finger at Arthur.
“What the hell is he doin’ here? Didn’t I tell you to stay away from this boy?”
Mary tried to defuse the situation. “This ‘boy’ is my fiancé, father. I told you already. I’m gonna marry him. Now, please... just calm down.”
The drunken man scoffed. “Calm down? How do you expect me to calm down when my daughter’s marrying some lying, cheating, piece-of-shit outlaw? Bastard probably came here to rob us!”
“Father!” She scolded. “You know he’s not like that. And besides, I invited Arthur here.”
Robert’s eyes narrowed in disapproval. “...Did you, now?”
Mary nodded staunchly. “Yes. He’s our guest. He just wanted to pay me a visit... and he’s also going to join us for dinner.”
Arthur snapped his head towards her.
“Wait, what?”
Mary stood by her decision. “If this marriage is gonna work out, then you two need to get along... and you can start by sharin’ a meal together. Like a family.”
Robert refused. “...That man ain’t no family of mine.”
The young woman remained persistent. “Well, he’s going be. So please... just for one night, don’t start anything. Both of you. Let’s just... have some dinner in peace. Can you do that? For me?”
Arthur sighed in frustration, suddenly regretting having come here in the first place. What the hell was Mary thinking?
Dealing with Robert was bad enough, but sitting down for an entire meal with him? And for the whole evening? He may as well have just shot himself in the foot and saved Robert the trouble.
But... Arthur did care about Mary. And regardless of how much he may have wanted to strangle Robert sometimes, the man was still her father. If Arthur was going to become part of Mary’s family, he’d have to accept his company eventually, whether he liked it or not.
So, against his better judgement, Arthur figured that if this was what she wanted from him, then... he would do his best to make her happy.
“...Alright.” He agreed, albeit reluctantly. “For you.”
Mary smiled warmly at him. “Really? You mean it? Thank you, Arthur.” She turned to Robert. “...And you, Daddy?”
Robert nailed his stern gaze onto Arthur, not even daring to blink as he gave his daughter an answer.
“...Fine. But he ain’t settin’ one foot in this house with that gun on his waist.”
Mary glanced down at Arthur’s holster. “Why not? You’ve got a gun too, father.”
The older man laughed at that. “Yeah, but mine’s for protection. As for him, his type are always unpredictable. They make a living shootin’ people in the wilderness, and takin’ everything they got. There ain’t no way I’m trusting him to enter my house with a goddamn six-shooter hangin’ off his belt. He wants to sit down at my table? With my daughter? Then he’s gotta follow my rules.”
The young woman shook her head in embarrassment. “...Father, please--”
“--It’s alright, Mary.” Arthur reassured, returning Robert’s glare. “...I’ll put my guns away.”
Keeping his eyes glued on Robert, Arthur reached down to undo his gun belt as the other man watched his every move, monitoring him like a hawk. The last thing Arthur wanted was to do anything Robert asked of him, but at the same time, he also didn’t want to start any trouble when Mary was around.
He knew the woman was just doing her best to have them get along. They were both her family, after all, and if Mary was putting in the effort to make this marriage work, then... Arthur supposed he should, too.
It was something much easier said than done, of course, but Mary mattered to him.
Slipping the accessory off, Arthur turned on his heel and trudged back to Abitha, slinging the loose belt over her saddle as Mary and Robert waited for him.
It was humiliating for Arthur to follow Robert’s commands like this, but he knew the fighting would never end if he didn’t comply. He had to be the bigger man in situations like this, and perhaps that was part of what it meant to be a good husband. Didn’t mean he had to like it, though.
“There.” Arthur said, patting his empty waist. “No guns.”
Robert wasn’t finished interrogating him just yet. “...Any knives?”
The outlaw had to hold back his annoyance. “...No, sir. Just guns.”
The other man crossed his arms and fell silent for a moment, clenching his jaw in irritation as he stared Arthur down.
“Alright then.” He finally accepted. “You can come in... but if you try anything funny, just remember that I’ve still got my gun on me. And I won’t hesitate to use it. Got it?”
Arthur bit his tongue. “...I got it.”
“Good. Then let’s head inside.” Robert held up a cautionary finger. “And don’t start nothing.”
~~~~~~~~~~
INDIGO PEAK
THAT EVENING
Meandering around camp, Dutch casually sauntered through the scattered trees and tents as he watched his fellow gang members prepare for the upcoming robbery, all of them eager to get things rolling.
It wasn’t too long ago that he informed them of Benjamin’s long awaited update, and even though the robbery was still a week away, the fact that they were finally going to make their move after two whole months had the entire gang on their toes.
Dutch couldn’t deny that he wasn’t without worry, though. This was the first time they’d ever be hitting a bank, and if he was being honest, Dutch had no idea if his men were ready for this. Hosea and Arthur were some of the best outlaws he’d ever met, sure, but neither of them had experience with a heist of this level.
He supposed he’d just have to trust that his people knew what they were doing. Everyone wanted things to go according to plan, after all, and if he learned anything from his time with them, it was that they wouldn’t do anything to botch this robbery.
At least... not on purpose.
Approaching Hosea’s tent, a soft smile crept onto Dutch’s face as he came across a heartwarming scene, causing him to stop in his tracks so he could watch it unfold.
It wasn’t very often that their gang got the opportunity to be at peace like this. Normally, they were always running away from the law or fighting against their enemies... and as anxious as everyone was to rob Harlow’s bank, Dutch knew it’d be a trigger for chaos once it happened.
And so, with a few moments to spare, Dutch simply leaned against a tree and kept his gaze on Hosea, watching as the man carried on with this serene evening.
“...Your reading’s getting much better, Marston.” Hosea praised as the boy examined the book’s text. At the moment, the two of them were sitting side by side on a log just next to the man’s tent.
“Go on,” Hosea urged. “Keep reading.”
John furrowed his brows in confusion, doing his best to concentrate as he mouthed out the words. “...The Indian chief and his son... p-parleed--”
“--Parleyed.” Hosea corrected.
“...parleyed with the... American... ‘ker-nel?” John turned to him for clarification.
“That’s correct. Keep going.”
The boy paused. “Wait, why does ‘colonel’ have an ‘R’ in it? There’s no ‘R’ in the word.”
Hosea shrugged. “I don’t know, John. That’s just the way it is.”
John was quiet for a moment. “...That’s stupid.”
The other man chuckled in amusement. “Perhaps, but that’s how the English language works.”
The boy sighed wearily. “...I’m bored. Can we read the rest tomorrow? I wanna go play with Arthur.”
Hosea glanced up at the darkening sky and shut the book closed, placing it on his lap.
“Yes, I think now’s a good time to stop. It’s getting late. Though... I’m not sure where Arthur is.” His gaze traveled to the man watching them from a distance. “You have any ideas, old friend?”
Dutch pushed himself off the tree, afterwards strolling in their direction. “I believe he’s still with Mary. I know he went to visit her earlier after our talk with Ben.”
A curious expression spread across John’s face. “Are they still gettin’ married?”
Hosea put the book away and stood up from the log. “Yes, I believe so.”
The boy frowned in response. “...Does that mean he’s gonna leave the gang once they’re together?”
Dutch and Hosea fell silent at that, exchanging looks.
“I...” Hosea trailed off, admittedly somewhat sad to think about it, “...I suppose so. He’s got no choice, though. He’ll have a family to take care of.”
John gestured at the three of them. “But we’re his family.”
“True, but everyone grows up eventually, John. Even you will someday. And who knows? You might find a wife of your own when you reach Arthur’s age. You’ll have to be there for her too when that happens.”
The kid rejected the idea. “Then I don’t wanna do that. Not if it means I gotta leave other people behind. That wouldn’t be fair.”
Hosea put a comforting hand on John’s shoulder, urging the boy to get some rest. “Well, there’s still plenty of time before Arthur and Mary... marry. You’ll get to see him again soon enough. Have no fear. Now, go on. Get some sleep. We can continue reading tomorrow.”
John didn’t appear satisfied with the response, but followed Hosea’s instructions nonetheless. “...Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, then. I guess.”
Hopping off the short log, the boy removed himself from the tent’s vicinity and returned to his own corner of the camp, leaving Dutch and Hosea alone as the two men contemplated everything the kid just brought up.
“...He’s got a point, you know.” Hosea said once the silence settled.
Dutch sat next to the other man, plopping himself down on the log.
“About what?”
“About Arthur. He’s gonna be a husband soon, Dutch. He can’t stay with the gang forever. You know that.”
Dutch shrugged in denial. “I dunno. You and Bessie have been married for a few years now and you’re still with us. You don’t think Arthur could do the same?”
“Oh, I’m sure he could. That boy’s capable of practically anything.” Hosea leaned forward, linking his hands together. “But that doesn’t matter. What truly matters... is whether he wants to. And I don’t believe he does.”
The other man stretched his legs out, getting more comfortable on the log. “What makes you say that?”
“Our situation grows more volatile with every second, Dutch. We have lawmen hunting us from the west, rival gangs coming from the north, and God knows what else lurking in the shadows. Not to mention we’ll be robbing a goddamn bank soon. If Arthur wants a stable life with Mary, he’ll have no choice but to leave this one behind. It’s just not possible to juggle the two at the same time.”
Dutch knew Hosea was right, but still remained reluctant to admit it. He saw Arthur as a son, after all. The last thing he wanted was to see the boy leave.
“...It wouldn’t be the same without that little rascal.” Dutch said despondently. “You, me, and Arthur -- it was the three of us that started this whole thing. That boy ain’t just part of our gang, Hosea. He’s part o’ the foundation. If he leaves...”
Hosea rested a hand on Dutch’s shoulder, trying to help him come to terms with reality.
“I’ll miss him too, old friend. But Arthur’s his own man now. To be honest, I feel like he always has been. If he wants to start a new life with Mary, then perhaps that’s what’s best for him. Better than the life of crime we’ve given him, anyhow.”
Dutch let out a heavy breath, slouching his shoulders. “...I suppose we’ve done all we can for him, haven’t we? Sometimes I forget he’s all grown up now.”
Hosea chuckled. “You and me both. But time moves on, and we have to move with it, Dutch. The most we can do now is wish Arthur luck in his marriage.”
With that said, Hosea stood up from the log with a soft grunt and picked up the storybook he was reading with John earlier, leaving Dutch to his thoughts.
“Well, anyway... I think Bessie’s gonna start cookin’ dinner soon. I should go help. See if she needs anything. In the meantime, try not to think too much about it. Arthur loves us too, y’know, and I’m sure he wouldn’t want us to worry about him.” A quiet laugh escaped him. “...If only that were possible.”
Dutch returned the laugh, returning to his own activities. “Indeed. Stay safe out there, Hosea. I have a feelin’ this week’s gonna go out with a bang.”
“Oh yes, old friend.” The other man agreed. “If there’s one thing I don’t doubt -- it’s that.”
~~~~~~~~~~
GILLIS FARM
A WHILE LATER
Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
Tick. Tock.
That was the only thing Arthur could hear as he picked aimlessly at his food, sitting awkwardly at the dining table and waiting for this torturous evening to come to an end.
For the whole meal so far, the rest of Mary’s insufferable family had been discussing nothing but politics and religion as if they lived and breathed the two subjects -- and every once in a while, one of them would turn to Arthur and ask the outlaw for his input.
It was probably the most pretentious conversation he’d ever been a part of. It was evident to the young man that none of these people truly had any interest in politics, and merely brought up the topic because they knew Arthur despised discussing these sort of things. Not to mention the fact that they also assumed him to be highly uneducated, and therefore saw his presence as an opportunity to make themselves feel more intelligent.
The only person at this table who wasn’t irritating the living hell out of Arthur at the moment was Mary herself, but even she had caused him some level of annoyance due to her forcing the man to go through this in the first place.
Arthur just wanted this night to end. He was already well aware of how Mary’s family felt about him, and he doubted that sharing one meal with them would change anything. Hell, Robert already threatened to shoot him before he even set foot in the goddamned house. It was unlikely that a simple chicken dinner would be enough to bring the two men together.
“...Did you hear?” Mary’s aunt Loretta asked as she buttered some bread. “Apparently Reuben Walsh has been at Margaret Whitaker’s throat ever since his father passed. They just can’t see eye to eye.”
Loretta’s husband Wilfred scoffed. “Those two fools will tear Mercy apart with their political war before anything gets solved. They’ve got gangs coming at them from every direction, and yet they’re more concerned about whose crown shines brighter? Abraham Walsh may’ve been old, but at least he knew how to keep the peace.”
Robert laughed at the statement, deciding to throw his own two cents in. “Keep the peace? The only thing that miserable old coot did was swipe all of Mercy’s problems under the carpet. Some people call Reuben reckless, but he’s the only person who’s got the balls to do something about the crime in that town. After all, nothing’s pretty when you’re dealing with that sorta lot. It’s about time Whitaker learned that.”
Mary’s grandmother Helga offered her thoughts. “Well, there are rumors suggesting that the reason Miss Whitaker has been so much of a pacifist is because she’s working with the gangs. It sounds like they’re the only ones keeping her in power.”
“Well, of course they are,” Robert replied. “You don’t get to that high of a position with that amount of ease unless you got someone in your pocket.”
Loretta set her knife down, glancing in Arthur’s direction. “What do you think, Mr. Morgan? I understand that you’re, um... familiar with that sort of lifestyle. Who do you think is in the right?”
Arthur paused for a moment, admittedly unsure of what to say.
“Um...” he said sheepishly, “...I-I’m afraid I don’t know enough about Mercy’s situation to really give an opinion, ma’am.”
“Well then, let me run it down for you.” Loretta offered. Arthur wished she hadn’t.
“The Whitakers and the Walshes are the two most powerful families in Mercy,” she explained. “They both carry an extravagant amount of wealth and influence, but recently, have butted heads with each other. You see, Mercy has always had quite a persistent problem with local gangs in the area, and both of these families want to deal with them. They just disagree on how.”
Arthur tried to pretend he was interested. “What do they wanna do?”
“Margaret Whitaker believes that their town is too small to stand up to such a large amount of outlaws, and thinks that the safest solution is to negotiate a deal with them in order to keep the peace in Mercy. As for Reuben Walsh, he would prefer to take on a more direct approach. He thinks that Margaret’s plan to negotiate with them will only lead to more trouble, and wants to wipe out the criminals entirely. But by doing so, he would risk an open war with Lord knows how many gangs.”
Wilfred jumped in. “Not to mention that the man himself is also a cripple. Apparently, the boy’s half blind and moves around in a wheelchair. A wheelchair, for heaven’s sake! How can a man like that fight against anyone?”
Robert boomeranged the subject back to Arthur. “Well? Any thoughts?”
The young man let out a sigh, thinking deeply about the argument.
What did they expect him to say? They all knew he was an outlaw himself, and there was no question that they dragged him into this God-awful conversation purely to put him on the spot.
Still, Arthur knew he’d have to give them some kind of answer if he wanted to keep them satisfied. Yeah, they might’ve been doing this just to humiliate him, but if it meant being one step closer to finishing this nightmare of an evening, he’d do anything.
“...Whitaker, I guess.” Arthur replied. “Why risk more peoples’ lives when you’ve already got a solution standin’ in front of you?”
Surprisingly, Loretta seemed to approve of the response. “Well said. It’s never pleasant to deal with these sorts of people, but when there’s that many of them crying out for blood on the horizon, sometimes you’ve got no choice but to comply.”
Robert, on the other hand, only appeared to dislike Arthur even more. “Yeah, of course he would agree with that.”
“What do you mean by that?” Arthur asked, sounding more irritated than he intended. The young man couldn’t deny that his ability to hold back was deteriorating by the minute.
“...You know damn well what I mean.” Robert fired back. Mary shot a disappointed look at him.
“Daddy, please. Not now.”
“If not now, then when? You know what kind of a man he is, Mary! He may say he’s prepared to commit to a marriage with you, but we all know he’s always gonna be an outlaw at heart. That boy’s gonna get you killed someday, and you’re gonna wish you listened to me!”
Arthur decided to bite his tongue and reached for his drink, only to find himself gripping the glass harder and harder the more Robert prattled on about him.
“Nothin’ to say, Mr. Morgan?” The man challenged. “Oh, you’re big and bad when you’ve got a gun in your hand, alright, but face a real man for once, and suddenly you’ve gone mute!”
“Daddy!” Mary reiterated. “Please! That’s enough. I didn’t bring Arthur here just so you two could start an argument! I brought him here because I wanted you two to start gettin’ along! Is that so hard?”
“He’s got no place in this family, Mary!” Robert exclaimed. “In fact, he’s got no business being on this farm at all. I only let him in because you asked me to. But look at the man! He hasn’t got a single, goddamn clue what any of us are talkin’ about. He’s got no education, no real job, and no real family! The closest thing he’s got to family is a group of dirty, filthy, worthless inbreds!”
Arthur suddenly sprang straight up from his chair and glared at Robert, unable to restrain himself anymore.
Mary jumped at the abrupt motion and held an arm in front of Arthur, desperately attempting to diffuse the situation.
“Arthur! Please, sit down!”
“See?!” Robert accused, pointing a finger at him. “What’d I tell you? The man’s an animal!”
Arthur firmly placed his hands on the table, leaning towards the other man.
“You got somethin’ to say, you say it to my face when you ain’t cowering behind your own daughter. The only reason I agreed to share a meal with you is ‘cause I wanted to smooth things over, but that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit here and take this nonsense!”
Robert glowered at Arthur. “...Excuse me?”
The young man tore the napkin from his lap and tossed it down on the table. “No, I’ve excused you enough for one night. I’m done.”
Storming out of the farm at the speed of light, Arthur made a swift exit and left the rest of Mary’s family in a state of shock as the woman herself chased after him, following her fiancé into the cool weather of the night.
“Arthur!” She called out. “Wait!”
But the young man ignored her and simply carried on with his escape, heading towards the hitching posts.
“Arthur!” Mary repeated, desperate to get his attention. “Please! Just... hold on a moment!”
The outlaw stopped in his tracks, letting out a frustrated breath. “What, Mary? What more do you want from me? Look, I tried, okay? I really did. But I can’t go back in there. There’s nothing in this world that could please that sorry excuse of a man.”
The young woman frowned. “That’s my father you’re talkin’ about, Arthur.”
Arthur unhitched Abitha from the post and retrieved his gun belt. “Well, what else d’you want me to say, Mary? That he’s a nice man? That... he’s kind and compassionate?”
Mary sighed. “Whatever you may think of him, he’s still my father. I just want you two to get along. Is that too much to ask?”
The man shook his head. “Listen... I love you, Mary, but your father is never going to accept me. It’s clear that he’s already made up his mind, and there’s nothin’ we can do to change it.”
“Well, your outburst certainly didn’t help things, Arthur.”
The outlaw was perplexed. “What did you expect me to do? Just sit there and take it? You heard the way he was talkin’ about Dutch and Hosea. About these people I consider to be my family. How can you expect me to respect him when he doesn’t respect me?”
Mary crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, Arthur. I know my father did wrong tonight, but all I wanted this evening was for the both of you to put your differences aside. Can you not even do that?”
Arthur mounted his horse, gesturing back to the farm. “Maybe you should ask him that question.”
Falling into silence, the couple took a minute to gather themselves as Mary’s family started cleaning up inside, causing the distant sound of clattering plates to reach their ears.
It had been a long night for the both of them, but Arthur was especially worried about what sort of impact this incident was going to have on their marriage. He couldn’t help but repeat what Benjamin said to him over and over again in his head, and the more he thought about the man’s words, the more he started to think he may’ve had a point.
Perhaps Mary was going to choose Robert over him. It was evident that she still loved the man despite his drunken behavior, and no matter what Arthur did, it always felt like the other man had the upper hand when it came to influencing Mary’s decisions.
Jesus Christ... what kind of hole had Arthur dug himself into this time?
“...Look, Mary,” Arthur said softly, breaking the silence, “I’m sorry for what happened tonight. I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this, but... I just can’t deal with that man anymore. I can’t go back in.”
Mary nodded in an understanding manner and watched sorrowfully as Arthur led Abitha away from the posts, preparing to go home.
“I... I understand, Arthur. Thank you for trying, at least. I know you didn’t want this. I just wish things could’ve gone better.”
Arthur hung his head low. “...Yeah. Me too.”
She walked up to him. “Well... anyways, it’s gettin’ late. You should probably head back to camp now. I reckon Dutch and Hosea might be wondering where you are. Try to stay safe, okay?”
The outlaw gave her a reassuring look. “I will. You take care of yourself too, Mary.”
The woman returned the remark with a caring smile, bidding her fiancé farewell as he disappeared into the night. “I will.”
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heathersgameoftag · 4 years
Note
do you ever have issues with being fairly popular in the fandom? (feeling pressured, being treated like a content machine, anons who are too friendly, etc)
i don’t think so! i may be ‘popular’ in this fandom, but this fandom is fairly small in the grand scheme of things. i have 1500 followers, which is a lot (thank you!!!) but also not a lot to many other tumblr users out there. i just don’t think my audience is big enough to lure in creeps or anything.
any pressure i feel to make content is self inflicted. very few people have sent me asks saying ‘where’s the next chapter???’ and every time i voice my concerns about the speed of my writing people reply with reassuring comments saying that they’re willing to wait, which is very comforting.
BUUUUUT i have come across some.... less than pleasant people. story time !!!! (i don’t think this is all of them, the post just got really long lmao)
i’ve only had a couple of negative experiences, tbh. there was one follower who sent me far too many asks per day despite me asking users to not do that (i’m awful at answering asks and sending me like 8 at once, which this user did, doesn’t motivate me to give anyone good answers, only to clean my inbox out). this user was eventually blocked because after we got into a political argument, he came out with dumb shit like ‘reverse racism/homophobia’, i saw on his blog that h*tdiggitydem*n wasn’t racist, he was only “””joking””” (you gonna defend p*wdi*pi* next, asshole?). then he had the fucking nerve to tell me, a trans, non-binary person, that the attack helicopter joke was hilarious to him. he was a cis man. after that i stopped talking to him and answering his asks, and then finally blocked him when he bitched about me to one of my tumblr mutuals.
i think the only time i got publicly angry on this blog was when an anon sent me ask asking me about Rose and Violet (flower gfs’ babies) comforting Duke going through a relapse. the ask came across as odd to me, but i just assumed it meant Rose and Violet when they were older. even then, i avoided the idea of Duke ever looking for comfort with her children for an eating disorder; not when Rose and Violets aren’t old enough to understand what that even is. but this anon kept persisting with this idea ??? they did in fact mean when Rose and Violet were young, and that’s when i got really pissed. i would never want to discuss heavy mental topics with children - especially not ones that i’m struggling with. education is one thing. venting to a fucking child is another. the anon also had the audacity to say that they find someone who has a serious eating disorder being consoled about it “””cute”””. those who remember this anon will know i lost my shit. eating disorders aren’t cute in any way, sweaty. they’re fucking eating disorders. anyway, no matter how many times i told the anon to shut the fuck up, they kept on trying to defend themselves, and so i had to turn off anons for a bit.
other stories come about from my discord. there was this one user who right of the bat identified as a conservative, and spent a lot of time in the politics chat (which is only there to move political arguments away from other general chats. i’ve stated this before in the server). obviously me being a filthy gay trans commie i already didn’t like the person. tell me all the ‘we need to listen to all opinions’ bullshit, i don’t care. conservative beliefs actively harm minorities and the lower class, as well as enable far right movements. i have no tolerance for it. unfortunately i wasn’t as assertive then. i thought i’d be causing drama in my own server if i just banned them for that. so i let them stay, and instead waited for them to pull some clown shit. that did eventually occur. at the time, my friend, scott, was an admin on the server. he takes less bullshit than me, so when he mentioned to me that the person had voted for trump, i let him call them a nazi and ban them. as scott and i spoke about this irl (we were sitting next to each other) rather than in the server, some of the mods/a certain mod got confused and let them back in without consoling me first. me not wanting to go through more drama than the server already had at that point, i let them stay, and waited until they clowned around some more. and they did!! guess what, i had to deal with more trans/enbyphobia. i came onto the server one day and found they had been spouting some bullshit about listening to the other side when it comes to talking about gender (the other side would be transphobes) and i got rightfully pissed off. i, along with my girlfriend and some other members of the server, got into a long-winded argument with them, trying to get it through their thick skull that we’ve had to listen to transphobes for years, and we’re not willing to do that anymore. at least, i think that’s what the argument was about, it was a while ago and i cannot remember the specifics. anyway, after i came to the realisation that changing this person’s mind was not going to happen, i blocked them. to be extra petty, i went with scott’s original idea that he didn’t go through with last time they were banned, and put the reason for banning them as ‘begone, nazi’. it was satisfying, especially since they were saying to me that they don’t care i’m banning them, despite the main reason they were let back in last time being because they wouldn’t stop crying to one of the users about being banned. lmao ok nazi.
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unfairaddiction · 5 years
Text
Sharky x F!Rook
Follow Dep and Sharky as they go from strangers to enemies to best friends to lovers. Idk how long Eden's Gate was in Hope County, but it sounds like they were there for awhile and I imagine in the beginning people didn't really mind there presence.
And I just like the idea of the Dep being kind of involved with the Project and just being in the dark about their activities.
You know she went to the local high school
Probably one of those kids that didn't belong in a group.
She was one of those kids that floated around from group to group.
Still an overall good kid, not really in the party scene and not really a rule breaker.
Sharky was always getting into trouble and wasn't a great student.
The Deputy was and they ran in completely different circles.
Didn't stop the Dep from having a major crush on him in high school though.
Rook always felt like she was missing out, and Sharky was, in her mind, living his best life and she wasn't.
Sharky probably didn't even know rook existed, if he did he always figured she was one of the goody two shoes, not really his type.
Sharky remembers the first time he actually saw rook tho.
He was running from the cops after he lit a fire somewhere nearby and Rook was probably studying outside.
He had nowhere to go but into the tree she was sitting under, and the wide eyed look she was giving him told him there was no way she hadn't seen him.
He scrambled into the tree, fully prepared to fight from his perch.
The cops came sprinting around the corner as Sharky settled into his tree, getting pinecones ready to hurl at the cops.
"Rook!" Everyone knows everyone in Hope County. "Did Boshaw come this way?"
Sharky never thought that a good nerd like Rook would ever lie to the police.
"He ran that way!" Rook cried and pointed deeper into the woods.
Cue the Deputy's giving chase because Rook would NEVER LIE.
So Sharky takes her out as a 'thanks for not turning me in' and she has her first drink, shitty moonshine, sitting on the hood of Sharky's rusty pickup,that has her laughing too loud and has her stumbling over her words.
Its funny to see Rook, who is usually so put together, drunk off her ass.
Sharky sees her in that moment, that she's just as lonely as he is, and for a minute he doesn't feel so alone.
"I jussssst sssseee you laughing and you-you've got people ya-you know ?" Rook rambles. "I don't have people. I-I've got a f-fu-future, I've got no time for people. That's what my dad say-says anyway."
Sharky's a little drunk too, and he kisses her while she rambles, and there's some fumbled over the shirt action.
Sharky's mouth though, finds a way to cock block himself.
"I always thought you were kind of a nerd, you know, you're actually kinda hot in the right light." And it really wasn't what he meant to say.
And Rook recoils almost instantly, and she's hurt, and the alchohol only makes it worse, so runs away into the Montana wilderness.
Rook really should be smarter than that, but she's drunk and her feelings are hurt so she runs.
Sharky feels bad and he really planned on running after her but a the self doubt tells him to just leave her alone and that he needs to sleep off the moonshine.
Rook makes it to the road, and she doesn't WANT to hitchhike, but she can barely walk straight and she can't go home when she's drunk.
Her parents would not be pleased, and she knows her father might hit her and her mom would give her that disapproving look.
So she walks along the, mostly, deserted road, not expecting anyone to come by.
She's met Joseph Seed a couple of times, but she's only met John in passing.
John offers to drive her home, because he can see she's drunk.
And she's a talkative drunk so she tells him that she can't and she's afraid of what her parents will do.
And John is sympathetic, or at least he appears to be, because he's been there, and he sees the perfect recruitment opportunity here.
So he let's Rook stay the night at the ranch to sleep it off, provided she agree to some volunteer work for the church.
It's not a bad deal all things considered, her parents wouldn't be looking for her in the morning, they wouldn't be surprised if she 'left early' for school, and she knows they aren't worried about her now since her phone isn't going off, so she goes with John.
When Rook is in her right mind she tells herself how stupid it was to trust John, a man she barely knows.
Luckily for her, this is before the cult is torturing people enough to be a known fact.
Her parents are fairly religious, not go to church every week religious more like quote the bible when its convenient and going to services on Christmas and Easter.
So they are thrilled when she gets involved with the church.
Sharky feels bad and he wants to apologize but now Rook is always surrounded by the kids whose parents are in Eden's Gate.
Eden's Gate is really what sets Rook on the path to being a Deputy.
Joseph who always seems to know everything essentially tells her what she should do, and Rook who desperately wants to belong somewhere does what he says.
She's a teenager and Joseph is the first person whose like 'hey, u don't ACTUALLY have to be perfect all the time its ur intentions that matter'
So Eden's Gate becomes a home away from home for her, because she may not really belong among the overzealous believers and she can't really be herself but they come when she calls, and they ask her how she's doing.
She doesn't talk about that night with Sharky though, she told John when she was still drunk and crying but he hasn't brought it up.
She still misses that connection she had with him but she's decided that it was probably the alchohol and not a real thing.
Sharky drops out of school and Rook graduates, top of her class, and she joins the sheriff's department.
She and Sharky work on opposite sides of the law.
Rook is the only one that can bring Sharky in without Sharky putting up too much of a fight.
He's still kind of a jerk to her and the more she arrests him the more aggressive he is.
"You the big bad law now? You think you're so much better than me? Just cause you've got that degree don't mean you're better than me."
Sharky never brings up that time she helped him escape from the lawmen chasing him.
She asks him why once.
"I ain't no snitch. You helped me out, I repaid the favor. We're square." And that was the last time they ever talked about it.
Rook isn't as involved with the church anymore, but she still answers when John/Jacob/Faith/Joseph call.
When things go to shit and Rook recruits Sharky they become begrudging allies against the cult.
"I thought you were like sucking John's dick, I don't blame you he's kind of hot, I get it."
"Shut the fuck up Boshaw."
They slowly become friends, because they actually have a lot in common.
We see their friendship in game, and I can easily see it turning into something more romantic.
Because let's be honest, Sharky likes to joke and flirt with Rook, and Rook maybe starts to think that Sharky was the friend she needed.
Eden's Gate helped her when she was young, but she was pressured to join this group that ended up being this cult.
And Sharky feels bad about pushing her away because she could have been this amazing influence on his life, at the time.
He especially feels bad because she never would have been involved with Eden's Gate if he had her back that night instead of letting her run into the wilderness.
But, you know they forgive each other and they become crime fighting buds and they have this beautiful relationship based on trust and mutual respect for each other and their experiences.
That got long lol, this has been in my drafts forever but I wanted to post it cause I like the idea of it, I'm just a bad writer.
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neko-shinigxmi · 4 years
Text
.: Drama Involving AJ :.
   Stylized ‘til I die, I guess. Anyways.
   This is talking about phasefuck/huckerbee/teafrogs/whatever their URL is this week. AJ/Lee. The compilation of what’s happened involving them.
   So... Starting at the beginning.
   D was the reason I got into Borderlands. I watched her play TFTBL and gush about Rhys and get more involved and understand the ship she had! Also got my first crush on Zer0, but... Y’know.
   So I did some art, started plotting ideas for who’d eventually be Gremlin- aka Rena Marlow, my SI for BLands- and that led...to us meeting AJ. They wanted me or D to join their server. D preferred because of her self-ship with Rhys, but I could join, too. D was nervous about new, strange people and I wanted to learn more about Borderlands and try new things, so... I hopped in, D stayed behind.
   The time with them was pretty fun! Ended up making some friends, plotted fun ideas for AJ’s idea of the time, Borderlands Infinite. A continuation of Tales as AJ saw it. The server was made PRIMARILY for this endeavor and everyone in it was allowed an OC or self-insert to be paired with whoever they wanted to be with....long as they were open, that is. AJ had HJack, and everyone else... Well, most of the spares had been paired off by the time I joined.
   Rhys was potentially still open, cause someone AJ had previously been talking with...either wasn’t responding, or had dropped out entirely. I forget by this point. Zer0 wasn’t an option and I didn’t know much of the others, so.... I accepted Gremlin to be paired with Rhys.
   Thus the origins of my verse with Rhys. (As well as the OT3 with him and Vaughn... They started here.)
   Tension was pretty high in the group and- though I didn’t acknowledge it at the time- it was primarily from AJ. Nobody else could like Handsome Jack “too much”... You could be playful about him, a little joke-flirty...but if you were suspected to like HJack, then you were “stealing” him from them. Because of this- while the group was friendly enough- it was hard to get into the “share faves” vibe that a lot of us seemed to have; gushing about a character that wasn’t your own just......felt weird.
   Not sure if anyone else noticed, but that was my experience.
   Anyways, I helped AJ with their story a lot due to being online a ton, with no work to do. We talked on the daily about what Rena could do, what Helios was like, how the story would go... The long-term slowburn we were putting Rena and Rhys through. I praised their art and ideas, they cheered for Rena/Rhys. It was pretty mutually supportive....
   ...Until AJ kicked fits. I was always online, so what about everyone else?? When I wasn’t online- sometimes if I was- I’d get put on a pedestal for helping out while others said nothing. (Essentially saying something like “Aki helps out all the time, but nobody else does” or, the popular one, “maybe I should just delete this since nobody cares.” I don’t have screenshots of this for reasons that’ll be explained in a moment.)
   We typically talked them out of these, but eventually... It did happen. AJ messaged me that the old group had been deleted and there was now a new group of only the ACTIVE people. This left me and a few others, thought some other people would eventually cycle in. (One of which still being someone I look up to even today!! Even if we don’t talk much, lol.)
   I got more creative freedom during this time, since other people “lost out” in their spots and... Somehow, this led to me taking on Nisha, too. I paired her with my OCs, Pyrotech and Meowzer. (Ex-Creepypasta OCs revamped for BLands. Is this my origins for my Nisha ship? Kinda!!!)
   But by this point... I had grown to *really* like HJack. I’d made a slip before (more on that later), but learned his character very well and even played him for roleplays AJ and I were doing. AJ played themself and Rhys; I controlled Jack and Rena. All that research led to feelings....and ones I knew AJ wouldn’t approve of. So I did two things, right off the bat: kept my head down and immediately worked on justifying why I liked him. See, it’s because...it’s not the “canon” Handsome Jack!! The one I ship with has golden clasps! So they’re not the same!! And uhhhh....more bad things happened to him? He dresses more lavishly...?
   I kept trying to come up with ways AJ might approve of my AU Jack without invoking their wrath. Not that...it would end up doing much, in the long run.
   I invited one of my friends to join during this. One who also liked HJack...and proved my worries right. (Checked my Discord; I still have some of the messages!!! Whoop, here we go...)
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   Don’t have screencaps of the drama that proceeded to unfold- especially due to AJ blocking me on Discord and so losing all of our conversation- but.... That’s just how THAT is, I guess.
   They did get super cold after and I had to explain things to my friend, while also assuring AJ that I would handle things and it’d be alright. It was an uncomfortable hiccup, but one that went by easily enough...
   Though as I said, it was a significant event to show me how careful I needed to be when it came to HJack and AJ.
   Also during this time... Another friend I’ll just refer to as P. We’d also been roleplaying in this time and having a blast. Absolute joy and- we don’t talk much anymore- but I do still consider them a dear friend. I played as CEO Rhys for them and they were Handsome Jack for me; we played our characters (my SI, their OC) and just... Had so much fun with it all.
   So then... Amidst all the fun, it eventually happened.
   What I described in this callout post.
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   AJ and I...we ended up dating at some point. I thought they were cool, we got along well, talked a LOT and all this... So I didn’t see a problem with it. Why not? I’ll get to have an awesome artist S/O with their cool ship and all their ideas... We’re gonna be unstoppable!
   ...But I also had abandonment issues. Too many times did I pour my all into someone, only to be left empty. I’ve always been the most supportive person in a room, trying to uplift EVERYONE to feel good! Cause yeah, everyone deserves that! AJ knew this. We’d talked about our issues and vented.....
   And they still did that.    They left my server as I slept. Blocked me on Discord, though I didn’t notice it at first.
   ...It was the one day I checked Tumblr first. They left their blog for a new one. Okay!! I’ll follow them on there, then! I did, and checked Discord. That was in the vent channel, and this was sent to me by a mutual friend.
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   So that’s how I woke up that day. Suddenly alone and single. And very, very depressed. I would end up posting these as my friends had to help me down:
“ ……now I wish I would’ve gotten lost after all or kept sleeping ….nothing is work being awake right now”
“ I just don’t want to exist I hate myself all over again I can’t get past that”
“ AJ just…..dropped me. Just like that. I didn’t know and tried to follow her new blog….. Either they just soft-blocked me or outright blocked me
“I feel so fuckin’ horrible”
   At the time, I was horribly depressed due to outside causes. I was suicidal at the time and getting into some light, risky behavior in hopes it could be a factor in the end of my life. (I would walk around at night, hoping that the growing heat would either cause heat exhaustion or someone would attack me. Abduct me. Whatever meant that I would be gone and in pain.)
   I later learned that this is actually learned behavior; my dad would react in extremist ways to things (something broke? “I want to kill myself.”) and so I probably learned it from him. This has actually made managing my suicidal thoughts easier, but at the time, I did not know this and put me more at risk.
   Though this then kept continuing.... Because of course these things do.
   It starts all over with me trying to move on. Someone was advertising their self-ship server, I wanted to try again and make friends... So I gave it a shot and joined!
   ....AJ was in there.
   I quickly left as soon as I had entered, telling the owner I couldn’t stay due to troubles with someone else in there. They were understanding and, thankfully, that was that.
   ...But it STILL wasn’t. These are older messages, so I can’t get them together as much as I’d like to (in one screenshot, is what I’m saying) so I’ll also quote these, but if anyone needs screenshot proof, I can get that on request.
   Anyways, our mutual friend (I’ll nickname her MF for “mutual friend” lol) later piped up with this:
05/19/2018 “So, aj invited me to a group chat and I'm a pushover who hasn't been able to cut them off yet so I said yes and boi I'm big uncomfortable now Like I thought I could maybe juggle being friends with both aj and Rachel even after what aj did but I was wrong.
“But idk what do now. I don't know what to say to them because I don't want to just drop them without saying anything. No doubt that'll get them talking about me behind my back”
.:.
“I might try that. I might mute the server so that I don't have to deal with that because i can't stay in it but I don't want to start shit by leaving I mean they are acting like Rachel is in the wrong”
.:.
“That they "stole their f/o" and that they are going to take the dragon idea that Rachel had for blands and "make it better" out of spite And I'm not happy”
.:.
“Well I just typed up a long message and while I'm glad I'll finally cut out a toxic person I'm also super nervous
“I sent it and left the server
“Wow okay all I got was a "Bye then" I sent a long ass message. Explaining my side and why. Hoping they'd understand and they just said bye then??????”
   As you can see.... Everyone who’d been in that server (me, P, and MF) were on-edge about the “talking behind our back” issue that MF confirmed above. I figured it would happen, but it did...and that was a league all it’s own. (Especially when the callout post went around, and it got confirmed AGAIN that slander in my name was still going around.)
   But one more thing happened that triggered this onslaught... Remember my RP w/ P? Well, this happened.... [TW for daddy kink mention? Calling themself Daddy?? That thing.]
   Link to Ask.
   Was never reblogged. Sent to me by a friend. To my knowledge, nobody spread this around AT ALL. But this was brought up in the same vent/time period as the above conversation.....
MF: Aj said that Rachel stole hj from them.
Me: Me, apparently. It's somewhere between that post and the ask (I think?) P sent me..... Which I loved and was hella surprised over, but. Oh boy.
Fren (aka owner of Karma): My god wtf can she like calm tf down
MF: They actually were mad that people were reblogging a post of yours, probably the kitten thing, that was about hj because it's "gross"
Fren: geeze Aj grow up
Me: ??????? Nobody reblogged it, tho
MF: Hmmmmm they vagued about someone shipping with him, someone they had blocked, that liked the daddy kink and stuff
   I mean. I get it’s a gross thing for people, but.... HJack has also called himself “daddy/papa” on more than one occasion. It’s up for debate if he does it because he is Literal Dad or because he’s that nasty, but... Considering everything else he does, the latter seems the most obvious. That’s just how he is.
   Anyways. The point being that we had each other mutually blocked by this point. I had people either block me, soft-block me, OR just outright unfollow + soft-block me because they were more trusting of AJ than of me. So to hear that they somehow knew P was sending me that ask...... Either someone TOLD them or they were stalking my blog to see what I was doing while they were gone.
   Either way, not great. (What was pretty funny is I later made a joke about “stealing the rights to Handsome Jack from 2k so nobody else can do anything with him” and that “I’m a wanted man”... That’s nice.)
   And so... We get to more recently.
   Last I personally heard, I had to do some personal checking that led up to this... Saw leeships in self insert tag. New self-ship blog, so I blocked, as well as checking their blocked main to make sure everything lined up....and was greeted with this.
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   They’ve since changed their URL- again- but the fact they’re STILL being petty towards D is just....something else.
   Speaking of, I’m not actually...sure where that started. There was a whole conversation we had over how AJ treated D out of sight of others (they talked over IMs, I guess because we were budding friends at the time, and what else do I do but hype up all my friends?) There was a lot of attention-seeking behavior from AJ (showing their art and then getting mad when D or Fren tried to compliment them for “lying” about the compliment...?), but far as I knew/remember, there wasn’t any bigger issue.
   ...After we broke up, however, an issue began as D and I became better friends. Friends stick with friends, D knew AJ, so when the blocking-bug was going around, D blocked them, too.
   Which eventually snowballed into the bullshit you can still see today. With AJ trying to claim that D is the one dealing out harassment when- at worst- maybe D did talk too much and AJ didn’t deal with it in a healthy way. (Because that is an issue I’ve heard of; except AJ freaked out over it, instead of talking it out like a healthy adult and figuring out how they could balance out the conversation. Seriously. I’ve had this talk with D. We don’t dominate our conversations at all; nobody over the other. If there ever was a problem, then literally just saying “Hey, I don’t feel heard/listened to when I talk about my ship” was all AJ ever needed to say, but....... Y’KNOW.)
   I’m not D, so I can’t say the full scenario of that, but this is the best way I can show there was a middle ground AJ could’ve used to work things out, but they didn’t.
   Oh, and just so I’m not saying things if you haven’t already seen this... Here’s a screenshot someone (for privacy’s sake) got of AJ trying to pin the blame on D for being the “real harasser” in their BYF:
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   We all just wanted to get over this. However, D and I especially don’t want to get involved with or be AROUND AJ/Lee in any way. So we keep an eye on what they do so we can feel safe. We DON’T want to forgive AJ/Lee (for obvious reasons), so we keep blocking their accounts and/or make sure they’re still on our blocklist.
   I know I’ve resorted to putting their URLs on BLACKLIST to make sure I don’t see them at ALL because of how much stress they put me under just seeing them around.
   What the hell do THEY have to be stressed about? Dealing with people they hurt for BEING hurt and not wanting them around us anymore?? Fuck....
.:.
    Anyways. I guess that about concludes all I wanted to write about. Friendly reminder that their old callout post is here and while I doubt a new one will crop up any time soon (as I sure don’t want to write one that’ll get around, after the last time I had a friend try to help me do a callout post on someone like this), you can at least look up that one more time after reading this.
   So...... That’s the end. Thanks for reading this and I’m sorry if anything was upsetting.
   ...If you want, you can come to the ask box and ask for a gif of your F/O? Or a cute puppy or kitten? Maybe I can find some nice fanart for you as comfort...? IDK, options.
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Hi, so im not sure im doing this askk/prompt thing right but im going to give it a shot because i love your works so so much. So could you please write superhero school AU about their (James/sirius) first kiss? So like lots of mutual pining,tiny angst and fluffy end? That would be super cool to see. Im not sure what kind of superpowers they would have or how it would work but i imagine something like the x-men school, or BNHA. But if thats not your thing thats totaly okay :)
((A/N: I think this is the first time I’ve written promiscuous James without a Sirius to match, which feels kinda weird. This was fun :D Though I do think it might have a little more angst than you asked for…))
“What the fuck is this?”
“What?” James asked, looking up from his football magazine.
Sirius was holding aloft a pair of pink lace knickers from the tip of his wand-- It’s not a wand, James, it’s a stick. Yeah that you use to channel energy, Pads, it’s a wand-- wrinkling his nose at them before glaring at James. “You said you wouldn’t bring birds back here anymore.”
“No,” James corrected, “I said I wouldn’t bring birds back here while you were here anymore.”
“That’s not what we agreed.”
“Yes it is.”
“Not it’s not.”
“Yes it is.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and flicked the knickers at him, landing them on James’s leg when he didn’t move. “Well don’t let them leave their bloody underthings here, it’s disgusting.” He frowned, looking at the area of the room where he’d found them. “Wait a tic, why were they over here?”
They were over there because previously they’d been in James’s bed, but he didn’t know that until he was trying to sleep and rolled onto them. In his tired and annoyed state, he hadn’t thought about what it was or that Sirius would find it, he just grabbed the offending item and chucked it away from himself, and promptly forgotten about it until right now.
Instead of saying any of that, he shrugged. “How should I know? Alice is into a weird sort, everyone ones that.”
“Yeah I don’t think Alice would leave her unwashed knickers by my dresser, she likes me better than that.”
James raised an eyebrow, more committed to the lie now that Sirius didn’t believe him. “Are you sure?”
Sirius rolled his eyes again, but not playfully, more like he was actually upset. “Well when you bugger people in the future do it in their damn room.”
“I-- okay. Sorry.”
Sirius gave a tense thank you, grabbed his bag, and left.
James sighed, his head banging against the wall behind him. He brushed Alice’s knickers off his leg absently. He and Sirius used to be close, closer than anyone, but then… he didn’t even know. They’d gotten to the age of sleeping with birds, James started to do so, asked Sirius why he wasn’t, and Sirius said he wasn’t interested in them. Sirius had looked hopeful when he told James he liked blokes, but James must have said the wrong thing because the next day there was this distance between them that hadn’t been there before, and they never recovered. He’d even tried telling Sirius that he was sorry for whatever he said, that he hadn’t meant to be a homophobic arsehole, that he would be better in the future, and that Sirius could hit him in the head any time he said something off. That just made him angry, and left James more confused than ever.
James missed him, missed him so buggering much, but he didn’t know how to fix anything between them, and he certainly didn’t know how to go about spending time together without fixing whatever he’d buggered up. Gods he missed him. It’d gotten to the point that any time he saw Sirius happy his stomach erupted in butterflies.
~~~
Sirius glared at James as if it was his fault they were stranded in the middle of whatever buggering forest with no way to contact anyone. Which was ridiculous since they both were very aware it was the fault of Peter’s as of yet fully fledged powers that sent them here. Hell, poor Pete had such little control right now they were lucky they didn’t get zapped to the middle of the ocean. All things considered, Peter was doing amazing with his powers, but that didn’t make them any less stranded.
“Do you plan these things?” Sirius asked, throwing up his hands.
James blinked in surprise. Sirius was temperamental at the best of times, but really, what the hell? “How do I have anything to do with this?”
Sirius glared at him again, then chose a direction and random and started walking, leaving James to scuttle after him.
“Sirius!” He jogged a bit to get in front of him, halting his progress-- if ‘progress’ could even be applied to this situation. “What are you so mad at me?”
He looked away and crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Kinda seems like you do,” James countered.
Sirius tried to move past him, but James stopped him. He kept trying but James blocked him at every turn. Eventually, he stopped trying, and grit his teeth. “Don’t you have something better to do than make me feel like shit?”
James flinched back as if Sirius had slapped him. “What?”
Sirius squared up, settling in for a fight that, in his opinion, was long overdue, even if he had been the one avoiding it. “Alright, Mister I’m-so-much-better-than-you, you want to know why I’m upset? Because a year ago I told you I fancied you, and not only did you reject me, you pretended not to know what I was saying! And then you went on about not wanting to offend me, and then you started fucking girls in our room and acting like it was no big deal!”
James wanted to say something back, had so many things he wanted to say, so many that they all jammed between his brain and his mouth and he didn’t say anything.
Sirius sneered at him. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Shouldering past James, he started storming through the forest again.
By the time James’s body woke up again, he had to run to catch up. He stopped in front of Sirius, forcing him to stop again and making him sigh aggravatedly. “You never told me you fancied me,” he claimed, but even as he said it, it felt like a lie- which, what? “You didn’t!” he defended, though Sirius had yet to react to his statement. “You said you liked blokes, and then you were looking at me like I’d done something wrong, so I apologised!”
Sirius sighed, head tilting back like he was looking to the gods for patience. “I told you I fancied you,” he grit out, “and you said ‘sorry’.” He glared at James again, but there was more hurt than anger there. “And now you’re doing shit like leaving Alice’s knickers in front of my dresser. Believe me, James, I got your answer loud and clear the first time.”
“What- that’s not- that was an accident,” he managed to get out. Sirius fancied him? Fancies him?
Sirius snorted. “Sure it was. Do you think I can’t tell when you’re lying to me?”
“It was an accident!” An accident he should have taken care of admittedly, but had mistakenly thought wouldn’t matter-- and also hadn’t remembered, but then if he knew it would matter, he would have remembered.
“Maybe, but you lied about it the first time.” Guiltily, James stayed silent. It had seemed like the best course of action at the time, but he wasn’t going to say that. “That’s what I thought.”
A beat. “You told me you fancied blokes, not me,” he muttered, heart going the speed of light but fuck if he knew why.
“Whatever,” Sirius said, starting to walk. It felt like some convoluted emotional game of leapfrog, all this running and stopping and continuing, and the only thing they’d accomplished was getting angry with each other, which wasn’t exactly something they needed help with these days.
Although, if what Sirius said was true, and he did fancy James… then James was the massive arse here-- had been for a year-- and Sirius hadn’t done anything wrong. Shit. Fucking buggering shit. He needed to fix this, but the last time he tried to apologise to Sirius before thinking everything through, it blew up in face. And this- he didn’t know how he felt about this. He felt light in a way that had nothing to do with his powers, and his heart was still beating an irregularly loud rhythm in his chest.
Slightly ahead of him, Sirius stepped over a large log, his hand going out to touch a tree for balance and James felt a familiar spike of desire that he’d been close enough for Sirius to use him instead of the tree.
He froze, feet fumbling across a large piece of moss covered bark.
Sirius paused, glancing back. “You okay?” he asked tentatively, like he wanted to still be angry but cared more that James was okay. Merlin and Morgana, James was an idiot.
“How do you know when you fancy someone?” he blurted. That wasn’t what he meant to say, not that he knew what he had meant to say.
“You- I dunno,” Sirius said, looking thrown. “You want to be around them all the time and make them happy, and hold them and stuff.”
“Eloquent,” James said automatically, but his mind was spinning. “So- er,” he swallowed, “I think I fancy you.”
Sirius’s face hardened. “That’s not funny.”
“Wasn’t supposed to be. I thought- hell I thought that was just how you felt about your best mate.”
“Wait.” Sirius walked towards him. “You want to kiss me and you thought ‘oh that’s just what people want to do with their friends’?”
“No-”
“Oh right, just your best friend. Did you actually think that?” he asked incredulously.
“Well it- made sense at the time,” he stuttered out as Sirius moved into his personal space.
Sirius put his hands on either side of James’s face and leaned in. “You are such a fucking idiot,” he whispered, pressing their lips together.
“Rude.”
“Oh?” Sirius said, sounding far too prepared for this vein of conversation. James kissed him again, but it didn’t dissuade him. “I’m not the one who can fly, and forgot about that so wholly that we ended up walking through the forest for an hour.”
James’s face flushed with embarrassment, and as much as he wanted to deny it, there was nothing he could say that Sirius would believe. “Well, hey, you remembered that I could fly and didn’t say anything.”
“That’s because any time I try to talk to you about something serious you run away, and I knew you wouldn’t leave me here by myself.”
“...I feel played. Did you and Peter team up?”
Sirius rolled his eyes, his arms still hanging off of James’s shoulders where he’d left his hands after kissing him. “The day me and Petey team up against you will be the day of the apocalypse, right after Remus lets loose and decides to kill us all.”
“What about me?”
“Well you’ll already be dead.” He pat James’s cheek. “Don’t take it too hard Jamsie, but Remus would wolf out and you wouldn’t even notice. First casualty of war, but don’t worry, I’ll try to avenge you.”
“Try?”
“Moony is scary when he tries, and I frighten easily.”
“You do not.”
“I could,” he argued, as if offended.
James snorted, shaking his head. “It’s like the last year didn’t happen.” Now that they were talking, they clicked back together like those crappy magnetic friendship necklaces Benjy liked so much.
“Not true. We spent that year not talking and I learned all the ways you’re a dumbarse. Leaving Alice’s knickers in front of my dresser? Really? That wasn’t on.”
“It was accident,” James whinged. “I forgot to pick them up after, I swear.”
“Yeah, don’t think I’m letting that fade into obscurity. I love you and all, but you were a giant fuckwad for a while there.”
“I know. Lots of forgiveness and penance, I’ll come prepared.”
“Good.” Sirius kissed the tip of James’s nose. “Now you wanna fly us out of here or what?”
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teamdeadpoolus · 4 years
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(Can I ask a question to the mod? It's not meant to be offensive, but you don't have to answer if you don't want to. Why Deadpool? What is about the character that you like so much?)
Hi! Yes, of course you can and don’t worry, it’s not offensive at all! 
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Why have I picked up Wade is a little bit complicated, though. And perhaps embarrassing. So, brace yourself.
What I love about Wade: He looks like an idiot, but deep down he is very complicated character with layers. It his hard to put it in words. I have read comics, but I am obviously heavily influenced by the movies  which makes Wade a big softie in my opinion. 
And also it is a challenge in a way, because Wade is SO different than the characters I used to play in past. 
In case you are not interested in fucking multiple paragraphs explanation why I choose playing him: I was playing with the idea for quite some time and then I saw the movie and was like - yes. That’s him. This is the character I want to portray. And hence I started playing DP. 
More complex explanation with including brief history of the mun essentially explaining everything in excruciating details: 
It all started couple of years ago when I was playing completely different RP outside of tumblr. My character had this pretty much Romeo-Juliet relationship with another character and I was loving it.  I have been going through some shit in my personal life and I got pretty hang up in it, however my partner decided to stop playing at the time. 
I have been reading some Spideypool fics back at the day (I don’t anymore because I don’t want to accidentally steal other people’s ideas) and I was like, hey, that’s not so different. Villian/hero dynamic? Sure, why not. 
So I made Peter Parker blog.
Yep. I... I know, okay? But it was great. I have been playing for about a year, finding mutuals that clicked with me and I was happy. I didn’t have many Deadpools to play with, don’t know why, but it was fine. Until a certain *someone* overstepped their boundaries a big time. It started by following with multiple blogs of the same person which like, fine, whatever. I also have more than one blog (didn’t have back then, but I still understood), so I didn’t think much of it. Then the person started messaging me daily. And not like “hey how are you?” but essentially forcing me into replying to their posts. Like “have you replied yet? have you seen my post? are you ignoring me?” kind of deal. Plus their muses have been really rude to my Peter, like I didn’t have fun, but they wouldn’t stop bombarding me about it so I force myself to write. In the end I would block them, but new blogs would pop up and keep messaging me. IMs, messages, constantly someone. It was really ... not good for my mental health to put it lightly. 
At the time I had issues outside of this but this constant pressure (I know, it is fucking tumblr, but if you are dealing with shit it is enough to throw you off, I mean) was too much. One night I just lost it deleted the blog completely, total whipe off and decided to never join tumblr ever again. Like, I am not gonna be bullied by a computer! 
I reconnect with my old RP partner who decided to come back. In foresight that was a mistake because he once again gave me the boot, but what can you do right. So when he did that second time, I once again thought about joining tumblr, because where else do you find RP partners? In my native language it is not necessary easy to find someone who writes good (that sounded bad, but you know what I mean). There are plenty of amazing writers on tumblr though. 
I wanted to make another Peter Parker blog and I just couldn’t. So I let it go for another couple of months. Then I saw Deadpool movie. I was mainly motivated by the Spideypool dynamic at the beginning, so the movie, which I loved, motivated me to learn more about DP. I read comics. I fell in love with a character that is Wade. 
Then I made this blog.
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ingridgovaninsights · 7 years
Text
The Charlotte Chapters- Part 10
When Elliott and I left the hospital, it was one in the morning. The town was quiet; I didn’t even know which town we’d ended up in. But Elliott knew his way around. We started driving back home. It was a quiet night on the highway.
“If you don’t mind my asking, what was Victoria saying to you on the phone?” I asked after we had driven in silence for a good ten or fifteen minutes.
It wasn’t a comfortable silence, it was an awkward silence. I was perfectly fine with comfortable silence, but our silences recently weren’t so comfy. There was an unspoken tension in the air between us.
“Oh, she was getting all pissed off because I took you to the crisis unit,” he mumbled. “But hey, what else is new, right?”
“Elliott, what is her problem?” I asked. “She seems to really have something against me.”
“Yep, it’s because of our history,” he said. “Victoria is a very… jealous person. But she has her reasons, so I’m not going to go and talk shit about her.”
“She has her reasons? You’re trying to justify it,” I said, getting quite heated about it. “She can be jealous all she wants, but you haven’t given her a reason to be so rude to you. The way she’s been talking to you is just… ridiculous. Do you not see that?”
Elliott shrugged. “I mean, sometimes I think maybe she’s a little out of line, but hey… she’s got quite a few mental issues, okay?”
“Why are you making excuses for her? You’ve told me so many times you’re the one who cuts through the bullshit. So why do you lie when it’s about her?”
Elliott sighed. He started tapping his fingers against the steering wheel; was he anxious?
“I… I don’t know. I’m afraid she’s all I’ve got. If I lose her, I lose my chance at love, at a family, at an actual life…”
“Is it true love if you have to cover things up all the time?” I asked boldly.
It was something I should have asked myself a long time ago. Elliott had no answer.
***
Elliott and I didn’t really talk again between that night and Friday night- my date night with Oliver. I was too nervous, anyways, to be dealing with the Elliott and Victoria drama. I was probably just as nervous as I was excited. Is that a bad thing?
We were supposed to be meeting downtown in a couple of hours. I stood in front of my bedroom mirror, completely naked, and really looked hard at my reflection. I hated what I saw. I looked so plain, so boring. And my figure was far from the ideal- after so much stress and anxiety, I probably gained about ten pounds. I had extra weight to go around, for sure; I could pinch my side and grab a handful of fat. 
Fat- that’s how I felt.
I stood awkwardly, my hair a mess and my eyes looked tired. I didn’t feel very ladylike. Why did I have such muscular legs, and such small breasts? I wanted to feel like a woman, and a powerful one at that. I couldn’t, so long as I felt this way about myself.
So I would have to mask the insecurity. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water cascade over my body. I squeezed a ton of body wash into the palm of my hand, and started scrubbing almost desperately. I wanted to wash away all of the filth that was my life; but sadly, no amount of scrubbing could do that.
When I was finally done showering, I towel dried my hair as best as I could and slipped into my favorite outfit- bright red skinny jeans and a plain grey v-neck. It was simple, but I felt most comfortable in it, and my red pants gave everything a pop. I felt slightly less insecure hiding under my clothes.
I wasn’t one for makeup, but I applied a thin layer to try and give myself a boost of confidence. I told myself I didn’t look half bad. It would be okay.
Before I knew it, it was time to head out. I grabbed my purse and dipped out into the brisk evening. I only had to walk a few blocks to get to downtown- it wasn’t far, yet people still felt uncomfortable about women walking alone at night. What was the big deal? Men could get kidnapped or attacked, too.
The pub looked extremely busy- every table including the tables on the patio were full. Lovely. Unfortunately, I spotted Oliver already at a table in the far corner… looks like I’d have to endure the noise level.
Oliver looked incredibly handsome, even in the poor pub lighting. His Jesus hair was tied back into a ponytail, and he wore a nicely fitted black t-shirt with faded blue ripped jeans. Even something so casual looked so fine on him… but I had to stop ogling. I was too caught up in his appearances; I didn’t even know the man yet. I composed myself and walked over to meet him.
He turned around, noticed me and smiled. “Well, look who it is.”
I couldn’t help but smile back. He had such a great energy about him, it was so hard not to feel like you were being hugged by the positivity, too. When I took a seat across from him, he watched me curiously, as if he were trying to read me. I fidgeted, feeling quite awkward about it. I never knew what to do when people looked at me for extended periods of time.
Luckily, the waitress came over and broke the awkwardness. “Hi! Can I get you something to drink?”
She was smiling over at me. I looked at Oliver’s half-full glass of beer. “I’ll have whatever he’s having. Thanks.”
With another smile and a nod she disappeared to fetch me my drink. So there we were again, in awkwardness. Damn it, why couldn’t she have stayed a little longer to avoid this situation? My heart was pounding. I felt overwhelmingly anxious.
“So, Charlotte. Tell me a bit about yourself.” I was thankful that Oliver started the conversation for us.
“Well, what would you like to know?” Apparently I couldn’t think clearly enough to come up with something to say on my own.
“Well… I know you work at the restaurant. You moved back here not too long ago. What happened there, if you don’t mind me asking?”
I hesitated. It was a bit of a personal question to be asking right away on a first date. But I wasn’t going to lie or pass on the question. My story should be heard.
“I left to move back here because I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. Not sure if I told you that or not. Anyways, it was a bit rough. He was quite… controlling. Jealous. Manipulative. Yeah, those are good words. He turned something that happened into something it wasn’t, and it caused lots of fighting between us. Things eventually had to come to an end, so I decided enough was enough.”
I tried to go for a more vague answer, since I wasn’t interested in scaring Oliver away; I just wanted to give him the gist of the story. Oliver was nodding slowly, as if he could understand. Did he, though?
“Right, right. Charlotte, I’m so sorry. That’s really awful. Do you stay in touch with him?”
“No,” I answered quickly, “not at all. He cut all contact with me, and to be honest I think I’d rather it stay that way. I don’t need to associate with people like that.”
The waitress came by and plopped the beer down on the wooden pub table. It had taken a while, no doubt- they were incredibly busy, and just next to us there was a big party table of maybe fifteen college students. They were all sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, laughing loudly and drinking endless amounts of beer. They split some nachos- which looked really tasty- and a big plate of calamari. How could they possibly have a meaningful conversation with so many people begging for their input to be heard? That’s why I didn’t like big social groups- it was difficult to go deeper than chatting about movies and sports without getting lost and overwhelmed.
The party table made me pretty anxious. Surely they’d had several pitchers of beer, and they were getting quite rowdy. They were laughing about something on the TV- but I didn’t understand what was so funny. For them, it was probably the buzz talking. Blah. I took a long drink of my beer; hopefully it would soon take the edge off. I didn’t drink alcohol as much these days- after the “three month crisis” (as Elliott and I like to call the break in the relationship for Ross and I where all I did was drink and act impulsively), I was a lot more cautious about my drinking habits. So with that knowledge, I didn’t need to drink too much to get a bit of a buzz.
“Okay. So you had a bad breakup with an asshole of a guy, and you’re not in touch with him anymore.” Oliver was thoughtful. “Okay, that gives me a lot of background and helps me know where you’re at. Thanks for sharing.”
“What about you?” I asked. “What was your last relationship like?”
“Ah,” he said, taking the final gulp of his beer, “good question. I was with my ex for two years. It was really, really good for the most part. We knew each other in high school, but weren’t part of the same social circle so we never talked. But we reconnected, randomly, on Facebook years later. Social media is pretty amazing that way. Anyways, yeah, we had a good run, but ultimately we had to go our separate ways because she decided to go backpacking in Europe for a year, which was great for her, but not my plan. We just wanted different things.”
“Wow,” I said. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a break up as… mutual as that. As cleanly cut.”
Oliver shrugged. “Sometimes there’s no choice but for it to be messy. It sounds like you didn’t have much of a say, Charlotte. So don’t think about it too much. Can’t be pals with all of your exes.”
“You could,” I said. “But would you want to, is the question.”
“Aha,” Oliver said.
We just sat for a moment, and surprisingly it wasn’t awkward. We both quietly watched the group of college students as they all started singing some random show tune through bursts of laughter. Wow, I sometimes wish I could be that free spirited. Maybe if I had more friends. Maybe if I wasn’t so anxious all the time…
“So do you wanna get out of here?” Oliver asked me with a sly grin. “We can take a walk or something, go get ice cream.”
“That sounds great.”
***
Oliver and I hung out for maybe four hours, which was considered wild for most first dates. But I wouldn’t consider myself normal- the longer the better, if it meant getting to know the other person more.
We walked along the water, and found a bench to sit at with a nice view. We had ice cream- Moose Tracks for me, plain old vanilla for him. I don’t understand how people can choose such a basic flavor when there are so many exotic flavors to try.
“So tell me what it is you like to do for fun,” Oliver said, paying special attention to his ice cream. He was flattening it out with his plastic spoon- somehow it tasted better if you manually made it soft serve. Maybe it just went down easier.
“Um…” It was a question I had to think about. Everyone seemed to have their “thing”- for instance, Elliott was a car guy; my sister was a painter, Ross had always been the video game guy. What did I do?
“I’ll go first then. I would definitely call myself an outdoorsy kind of guy. I love to hike. Last summer I went up north, no plan in mind, with a sleeping bag and a few cans of beans. I found a really cool spot in the middle of nowhere and I just camped out. On my own. It was quite peaceful- I had a fire and just sat in the quiet with a book. What a great time that was.”
Wow. I honestly couldn’t compete with that- but then again, who said it was a competition? I tried to think about what I’d been up to for the past several months, and I realized I never tried to work on myself. I worked for money- slaving away at the restaurant- and I worked to please other people, but I failed myself big time.
“Um… well, I like to hang out with friends,” I said. “Uh… is work a hobby?” I joked, laughing nervously. He was going to lose interest so fast…
Oliver chuckled. “Oh, I could probably say the same. I work a ton, too. So let’s say it’s a Wednesday night, and you have the entire night off to yourself. What do you choose to do?”
Why was Oliver asking me all of these questions? I felt like I was being interrogated, and though I didn’t do anything wrong, I felt guilty. My palms were sweaty; I shifted in my seat.
“Well… I used to write,” I mumbled. “I don’t do much of that anymore. Maybe I would have a nice bath, listen to some music… but then again, I’m not really a bath person…”
“Used to write, eh?” Oliver raised his eyebrows. “What happened with that?”
“It wasn’t anything fancy. I mean, I’m no bestselling author,” I laughed. “I used to write short stories for fun. I never showed anyone, though. I wrote tons of stuff in those 100-page journals you can get at the dollar store… I have them kept away in a giant tote somewhere.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Oliver said.
I shrugged. “Well… Ross happened. That’s my ex. And then… I think I got so involved in the idea of being a ‘we’, I forgot the whole concept of being a ‘me’.”
Oliver was nodding heavily, like he could really speak to that. “Yeah, yeah. I hear you. But Charlotte, now’s the time to rediscover that concept. You’re still young, you have lots of time to figure out what you want to do and who you are. The love you are looking for will be here when you get back, and you want to know something? If you take the time to do some soul searching, that love will be stronger than ever, and it will be so worth it.”
“You sound so wise,” I said. “It’s as if you’re speaking from experience.”
“I am thirty years old,” he said. “It’s not older by much- you’re what, twenty-three?- but old enough to have a little more knowledge on that topic. You’ll get there. And then you can pass that along to others.”
“You’re thirty,” I repeated. “Aren’t you looking to maybe settle down soon?”
Oliver shrugged. “I gave up on rushing myself, it was just stressing me out too much. Look, if I can wait this long, you can wait a little longer to better yourself and just focus on enjoying life.”
“But what if I’m always going to be alone?”
“That’s a foolish notion,” he said. “Work on yourself first.”
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ladykakata · 5 years
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MORE GOT Leak Talk
The following are my incoherent, shouty thoughts about some GOT supposed leaks, and why I am so Goddamn angry about them if they are true. I accept I’ll look like a peanut if I’m wrong, but I gotta yell. PRO-TIP, I’m pro-Daenerys.
JESUS SALTY FUCK ON A CHRISTMAS CRACKER WHERE TO BEGIN.
The latest I’m hearing is that Daenerys is killed in the 5th episode. Now, I knew the talk of her being killed, and killed by Jon. Jon supposidly would kneel to Dany, then stab her. Drogon would go insane and burn down the Iron Throne. He does NOT, however, burn Jon; he looks at him, then takes Dany’s body and flies off.
Okay. So. I don’t know if you have noticed, but Drogon is DAny’s favourite son. He is the biggest, the most vicious, the most violent, AND THE MOST PROTECTIVE OF HIS MOTHER. If something were to happen to Dany, he would spring for her, and if she has the misfortune to die, he would go BALLISTIC. He is in tune with her emotions; he comforted her when she was crying about Jorah. He came to her rescue in the Fighting Pit. When she tried to climb on his back after that scene, he shrugged her off but did not lash out or hurt her in any way; hell, the last time he did that was as a teenager in a squabble over food. He has ridden on her shoulder since the day he hatched, and he has been her steed since.
This big scaly mummy’s boy would never, EVER just ‘look’ at the thing, person, rock or other item that caused his mother’s death. IF this was supposed to be a callback to the look Drogon gave him in S8Ep1, it’s fucking weak. That look, to me, was more along the lines of ‘fine, but remember, I’m fucking watching you’. I can bet dime a dozen some fuckers will say ‘but Jon’s a Targ, he’s fireproof and Drogon knows it!!!’ YOU THINK DROGON WON’T RIP HIM IN HALF?! YOU THINK HE WON’T STOP HIM WITH HIS BIGASS CLAWS? It’s horseshit, that’s what that is.
Drogon flying her away leads to the other rumour; that Jon will push Dragonglass into Dany, make her the new Night Queen, and have Drogon fly her North. I can’t even with that. Children of the Forest can do that; where the fuck would Jon come off just shoving dragonglass into people. By that logic, anyone that got a stray arrow in their arse would have been a new NK in the Battle of Winterfell.
If Dany ISN’T going to be the new Night Queen, then where is Drogon taking her? A sad part of me would love for him to take her to the spot where Khal Drogo’s funeral pyre was built back in the Dothraki Sea. Not only is that a funeral pyre spot, it’s where Drogon was hatched. Tell me it wouldn’t be fitting for Drogon to take his mother back there and light her up to join her Sun and Stars in the Nightlands.
Latest rumour on the block is that Dany’s army goes apeshit once inside KL and starts raping and pillaging.
OKAY. BACK THE FUCK UP. RAPING AND PILLAGING?!
First thing’s first; the Unsullied are caustrated and are supposed to have no sexual drive at all. True, Grey Worm does and has slept with Missandei, but he seems to be an outlier. Second, RAPING IS A BIG NO POINT FOR DAENERYS. IT’S WHAT GOT HER INTO TROUBLE WITH THE DOTHRAKI. She tried to claim a whole bunch of women as under her protection to save them from rape. She reacts extremely poorly to threats of rape, and let’s not forget she experianced rape herself on her own wedding night. Hell, she MADE ‘no more raping and pillaging’ part of her deal with Yara Greyjoy! And Yara ACCEPTED! I REFUSE to believe that Daenerys would allow this, and I refuse to allow the idea that Grey Worm would be okay with his troops doing that, no matter how angry he is.
Dany going ham on King’s Landing. This season has been drilling it in that Dany is going to go ‘Mad Queen’. To the point where it has become outright gaslighting; D&D (before they lost their fucking minds) have stated that Daenerys is not mad. Daenerys is sane and rational, she is just really fucking angry. And she has every right to be! She follows advice, gets told she’s wrong when she does, her advisors are now plotting against her for no fucking reason, she has lost 2 children, most of the Dothraki, at least half of the Unsullied and her closest friend. She has had her latest love reject her, she is being put down and gaslit at every turn, and now the very thing she was working towards is being snatched away. I’d go fucking ballistic with all that stress too!
This is not the Jon, Sansa, Tyrion or ANYONE I knew. Jaime sleeping with and then leaving Brienne was cruel and tragic, and it looks like he’s going to go right back to Cersei, undoing 7 seasons of character development. It’s fucking disgusting. Jaime has never been my favourite but COME ON, he DESERVES better than that. And the fact they ripped Brienne down after her emotional high at becoming a Knight is just utterly, utterly vile. And Tyrion; where the FUCK do you get off asking the private and noble Brienne if she’s a virgin? What the FUCK?!
Dany supposibly burns Varys alive. Good. Fucker deserves it. I used to like him but his heel turn is just annoying now.
BRAN ON THE IRON THRONE. WHO. THINKS. THIS. IS. A. GOOD. IDEA. He doesn’t want to be fucking Lord of Winterfell, he STATES he isn’t Bran Stark anymore, he is the Three-Eyed Raven, he will not have heirs. Why the fuck does the series think that’s better than the monarchy they have now?! WHERE WAS THE BREAKING OF THE WHEEL?? WHERE IS THE FUCKING BITTERSWEET ENDING!??!?!?!? Also, Jon supposedly takes the black and joins the Night’s Watch for the crime of murdering Dany. WHAT. NIGHT’S. WATCH. THE FUCK ARE THEY WATCHING FOR? NQ DANY?! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
Where’s the heavily foreshadowed Boatbaby? Was that just to give the Dragons extra weight as Dany’s only children? Will Jon murder her whilst pregnant?
Jon not patting Ghost is unforgivable. I’ve heard he plans to rejoin Ghost and be Beyond the Wall where he feels happier. Horseshit; he could at LEAST see his bro is okay. ADDRESS THE MISSING EAR. BE CONCERNED. Dany was concerned for her babies!! Hell, Drogon looked fucking proud at his brother being able to fly! THAT’S ALL IT TOOK!
Rhaegal’s death was senseless and malicious. D&D said Dany ‘forgot’ about the Iron Fleet. HORSESHIT. *YOU* FORGOT ABOUT IT, THEON TOLD DANY WHERE YARA WAS, THE IRON FLEET IS FRESH IN HER MIND.
(I’m abusing the fuck outta this Caps lock)
What does Cersei need to do for Tyrion to fucking write her off forever?!?!?!
I’m not predicting more dragons, I’m fucking predicting Qyburn will ressurect Rhaegal as an undead monster like the Mountain and that’s what Euron is shocked at.
Cleganebowl is WEAK AS FUCK. Mutual destruction with a weakened Mountain being mercy-killed by the Hound? FUCKING WEEEEEEAK.
SANSA. WHY ARE YOU ENDANGERING YOUR BROTHER. I can’t get over this; Sansa did all she could to protect Jon at the cost of maybe a little trust between them in the previous season, but she didn’t do shit like this! She outright tells Tyrion he’s not as smart as he thinks he is or was! SHE. SHOULD. KNOW. BETTER.
The fact I will never see the proper scene between Jon, Arya, Sansa and Bran about the R+L=J thing will forever make me angry. That was something I was really, REALLY looking forward to, and it would have meant so, so much to see that scene and have Jon told by all three of them that he is their brother. As Arya said; “You’re not my half-brother, or bastard brother, you’re my brother”. THAT was what I was looking for. Arya’s single line should have been what the whole scene was. But NOPE, we cut away before even fucking seeing Sansa’s reaction to it. SHE would be the most important person to have say to Jon ‘You are my brother, you are Jon Stark of Winterfell’. I HATE YOU SCREENWRITERS.
Everyone loses this fucking season. I don’t care who you like, everyone is stupid.
KL’s set looks shit and in a desert.
Don’t know who this new Dornish Prince is, don’t care.
I gave my idea of a good ending and I’m pissed this is what we’re getting. ARGH. LK OUT.
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