#i think there would be a lot more drills in schools and i wouldnt be surprised if courses like phys ed were coopted for self defense

[heyyallitsbeth]

Trigger warning for self harm, eating disorder and suicide references Okay I've seen some serious stuff an uncomfortable amount in the past few weeks so i need to talk about this. A lot of men have been opening up about loneliness and this recent exposure of it has been called the "male loneliness epidemic". and ive seen a concerning amount of people talking about how its just men making themselves victims, or how theyre just incels. And guys. Guys.

Men can be victims of toxic masculinity.

The facts are, men are far more likely to commit suicide than women, as well as develop drug addictions and alcoholism. Men on average also have smaller friend groups than women. And this all stems from toxic masculinity, bottling up emotions, not being able to open yourself up to others, to make those connections and develop healthy coping mechanisms. People end up turning to drugs and self harm as a result, since they think nobody will care. And why wouldnt they think that? Society has drilled it into their heads since birth. Men are always told to tough it out, to suck it up, that tears are weakness, that boys dont cry.

I'm a trans woman, I remember distinctly all of these phrases repeated by adults, teachers, parents, friends. It's especially worse in western society like the UK and US where physical affection like hugs are far more uncommon, especially for men. I first experienced depression when i was in middle school. And despite trying to talk to parents and counselors, my condition wasn't taken seriously until I eventually had a full breakdown and passed out from not eating in highschool. Personally, I am very lucky. Two friends were able to saved me from a suicide attempt by calling me and talking me down in time. And I only reconnected with that friend due to my transition. We were able to reconcile about arguments in the past and moved forward becoming good friends. The other friend I only met because of my transition. My friend group grew when I was a girl, it was easier to be open and honest. If I was in the same spot only a few years prior, I would have been dead.

And people are making fun of these guys for opening up like this now, saying everyone is lonely, that its not a uniquely male experience. Like you do realize you are QUITE LITERALLY proving to them what they've feared, that nobody cares. And people are always saying "oh this is a trend why is this the first time people are talking about this". Maybe its because we just went through a period of isolation and that time locked in their rooms caused a spiral of depression that made them reflect on their lives? Maybe because as a whole we are experiencing a mental health crisis worldwide? Maybe because through the modern internet we've never been more connected than now?

Yes men have privileges, that doesnt mean that they dont struggle and have issues too. Their opportunities and privileges do not negate their struggles. Toxic systems hurt everyone.

Personally, I'm now doing better, although sometimes I do slip into that deep depression, but I have better ways of fighting it now. And I'm lucky to have some friends who I know truly do care, as well as a loving partner. And while they dont follow me on tumblr, I just wanted to say, Thank You to Evan and Shi.

#male loneliness #male loneliness epidemic #depression

[swampgallows]

10, 11, 14 for the ask thingies :>

10. would you slaughter the rich? on principle yeah. i dunno if i could really kill a man. i would try

11. favorite extracurricular activity? dude this is so fucking hard. i just looked up a list to remember what some of em even are. i never did any in school because i took the bus and i dont think buses ran late for the 'extracurricular' kids. maaaybe the sports teams, but i dunno. both my siblings did sports in high school but i cant remember if they got picked up from a bus stop or the school directly. i helped found the "electronic dance music club" at my college...? (i just retooled my resume so im in that mindset lol)

ummm. i guess i wish id had a better girl scout troop as a kid. i bet i could have learned a lot more life skills and built up better autonomy that way. i dont really like camping though. i also wanted to join the drill team in elementary school (only because they were dancing to 2 unlimited - no limit) but my mom wouldnt let me because their skirts were too short LMFAO

14. do you love the smell of earth after it rains? WHAT kind of curmudgeon answers no to this?! who doesnt!!!!!!!!

#ask #thethotking #ask game

[aristotels]

lowkey pet-peeve: people referring to croatia as an eastern-european country when we are not

rant abt croatian geography due to eurovision making me think abt this, feel free to add your own thoughts or info, its just a rly confusing thing all together

this has nothing to do w me being embarrassed of “being eastern” (or wanting to be seen as western) its just. Incorrect. and ive had the question of our geographical position drilled in my head since first year of geography in school, so whenever i see people doing that i go like “you’d get an F on the exam”

croatia actually belongs to 3 geographical groups - central, mediterranean, and south-eastern europe 

balkans wouldnt be accurate either, as not entirety of croatia is in balkans, but i guess itd be more accurate than eastern europe? (btw nobody agrees on this so idk the right answer. if you tell a croat we are in balkans, you will either get someone sighing and somberly shaking their head like “well of course, just look at nepotism” or someone throwing a bottle of rakija at you and screaming “don’t insult me”.)

not even neutral sources agree, even on geographical basis, even though it does look like (to my layman eyes) that we are on balkans. but then again, its also a question of cultural identity. like, you wouldnt say greece is a balkan country, despite obviously being a part of the peninsula. southern part of croatia which is on balkans doesnt have balkan culture - we belong to the southern/mediterranean europe, and our architecture and music are like italy’s or greece’s. 

historically, again, you could put us in balkans due to relations with serbia and centuries-long ottoman occupation. but that’s just a part of croatia, so not the entire country.

and then there is also the historical question of west vs east bloc, since yugoslavia (yes, we were a socialist federation) wasnt a part of ussr (we reaaally didnt like each other), and we were neither west nor east but a part of the “non-aligned” movement. actually, rest of yugoslavian countries wouldnt be eastern european either (serbia included), but balkans, or south-eastern europe, or in slovenia’s case neither, but central europe.

so what is croatia? a bit of everything but certainly not eastern europe, or central europe, or balkanic. “slavic” would be the only correct descriptor.

however, i did get curious and google, and apparently croatia is considered east europe by some sources, but fuck me if i know how or why since that is not accurate. so now im assuming people are grouping it based on just.............. prejudice or something, and i think it says a lot about western countries who dont bother to learn different geopolitical groupations so it just boils down to Progressive West (them) and Backwards East (everyone else). which now makes me wonder what places croatia as eastern but not greece, despite greece being more geographically to the east? i feel like this division has a lot ot do with finances and poverty, and not other factors, which is actually rly shitty. and then we obviously have to ask ourselves WHY is west so progressive, and east “not” but thats for a whole different rant bc i burned my brain w this and i cant think anymore

btw dont mind me ranting, im constantly puzzled over our status too because its just. rly confusing. and to quote that post “i cant answer this without at least 3 historians and an anthropologist present”, just also throw in a geograph

in the end, with this rant i have answered nothing and have just confused myself more.

im sorry, the spirit of my cunty geo teacher always screaming about croatian geopolitical position posessed me. she was not very happy about croatia being part of the balkans. then on other hand, my history teacher absolutely insisted we are on balkans.

sry i need a drink

[talagirl]

ohhh this is so interesting what the fuck

#DUDE THE SECURITY COMPANIES WOULD BE EITHER GOING OUT OF BUSINESS OR MAKING BANK TOO!! #i feel like the job economy would be super tumultuous #like.. i think in the early years before society really got its bearings there would be a lot more demand for labour and repairs n such #because reconstruction after big villain fights #but then id assume people with powers would start taking over those niches as well since they would be able to do it quicker #which would probably be subsidized by the government #i think there would be a lot more drills in schools and i wouldnt be surprised if courses like phys ed were coopted for self defense #like you know how youve got to pass a health module in order to graduate? like that but with self defense and self preservatory tactics idk #basically a RUN THE FUCK AWAY module #i feel like a lot of common stuff would get super cheap as well #phones would for sure get cheaper and probably more durable #i already mentioned cloud storage replacing hard drives in most capacities #i think some of the big political issues would actually be 1. jobs 2. cost to the cities 3. the death penalty #man this stuff is so hard to conceptualize bc a society thats become accustomed to superpowered heroes in the skies is like... #such a HUGELY FUCKING DRAMATIC SHIFT IN CONTEXT #like u literally cant assume anything but perhaps the barest bones of structure would remain the same in that kind of world #especially as the years continue like by damians era it would be so so much more different #i think by wallys generation it would be established and MARKEDLY different but by damiens it would be almost unrecognizable #okay i migbt be exaggerating but u get my point #Big Univeral Events can change so much in so little time.. like look at the pandemic #weve all adjusted and become accustomed to what wouldve seemed outlandish only a year ago #now imagine that kind of constant evolution with INFINITELY MORE VARIABLES on a FAR WIDER SCALR #LIKE!!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!! #god anyways yeah i think urban areas in general would become a lot less popular amongst those who can afford to move #kind of reversing the trend of urbanization and expanding cities #since most supervillain incidents would be concentrated in populated areas #so that leaves lower/low middle working class citizens trapped in the metaphorical fly jar with all this destruction and shit #which makes.. a lot of sense honestly its very characteristic of the running themes w class in america #i think initially cities with big name heroes would see a lot of immigration from young adults #but the trend overall would be people trying to move away from urban areas

[abysslll]

okok hi im here with public school stories :D

one time in grade 1 (?) I was doing jumprope and fell and I thought I was okay and when I walked into my classroom my teacher was like freaking out and turns out I was dripping blood all over the floor

one time a kid put a frozen pizza in a microwave for 17 minutes and got in barely any trouble

in grade 3 the class next to ours was practicing for a play and a kid tripped and fell and broke his ankle and we all heard the screams

in grade 6 my teacher was on paternity leave and the sub was horrible. a guy spilled water and when he went to clean it up the sub pointed to a group of girls and said "hey, clean the water. girls are made for cleaning"

same sub: we had a lockdown drill and he told us that there were no police in the school and no one had been informed of this drill so it was real and we were all gonna die. like just repeatedly telling us "this is how you die. be ready. theres no one coming to help". everyone was crying.

another sub (miss barbie doll) hit a kid with one of those rlly rlly long rulers multiple times. we got her fired :D

on the first day of grade 6 the pipes were broken and if you tried to flush the bathroom or use the sink, everything would come spilling back out.

in the third grade some kid hit the fire alarm and we were sent to stand outside in like –20 canadian degrees in the snow for like an hour before we were sent to the school next to ours so we wouldnt freeze to death and i was one of the few people not offered warm clothes

we went to a overnight camp one time and it was very weird. the guys who ran the camp had animal names. in the middle of the night the owners were running to the parking lot yelling "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE". we were taught a campfire song about bananas on the moon.

theres this little area at the basketball court thats two walls together and we would go there to play "death soccer". you would kick the ball into the wall as hard as possible and it would fly around nearly decapitating everyone. this was also a rlly good way to get soccer balls onto the roof.

there was an underground kazoo selling ring. i was part of it. people would buy a shit ton of plastic kazoos and sell them to the other students. i was one of the delivery people :D

one time these guys had to present a speech in front of the whole school and as soon as they got on stage one of them yelled "revoke the fifth amendment!" and people started cheering

this one kid stole another guy's phone and computer and smashed them to bits. he also kept a hammer in his locker. he was frequently violent and didnt get in trouble because he was smarter than most of us.

my friend likes telling the story of when he was in grade 2: he gave half the class a haircut and got suspended for it. the story had something to do with another kid scratching his eye so my bsf cut his hair in retaliation

i cant tell you how many times someone's tooth got knocked out or nose was broken. one girl broke her nose SIX TIMES at school

thats all i can think of for now, ill send u more stories if i think of them

"this is how you die. be ready. theres no one coming to help" SIR????? HELLO????????

the overnight camp tho that's some shit straight out of gemini home entertainment. i. would like to visit.

revoke the fifth amendment is the funniest thing to ever be yelled at a school assembly istg

also. what the fuck happened to that girl how did she break her nose six times

#bat <3 #endless asks #i'm so concerned

[strawberrybabydog]

I probably wouldn't show my (hypothetical) child your blog, but mostly because I would be afraid they would be convinced the bio dog in our home secretly had a blog and then I'd have to explain that no. Sometimes dogs are people too and we'd have a falling out similar to the great santa reveal. I don't think you post anything particularly scarring though.

attention all canines: they've caught onto us. abort dogs with blogs mission. this is not a drill. i repeat, abort!! /j

yeah it's not specifically scarring but it is a bit weird and for some kids could have lasting effects. it would change their world view a lot and if they told anyone at school could lead to bullying. it definately wouldnt be abusive to share this kind of thing with a child, but it has a lot more potential mild negatives than positives

the mental illness stuff though? yeah i dont think i'd want to explain to a kid who doesn't hallucinate what hallucinations are LOL

#/lh #asks

[fernandoswarcrimes]

Ego Season: Rules of the Game (part 2)

(If you get the refrence at the end ⭐️ for you)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Josettè had gotten up the next morning to go on her morning run after lastnight she knew she'd get along with some of the boys, but Trevor?...that was going to be a major challenge. She slipped outside and started her morning jog she made sure to have the adress in her maps just Incase she went far enough she wouldn't remeber her surroundings and how to get back still being new to the area. By the time she got back to the house and showered she made her way back downstairs she saw cole in the kitchen leaning over the island eatin a bowl of cereal "morning Jos" he mumbled in between bites she smiled grabbing a glass of orange juice leaning against the counter.

"So you ready to show all the boys up today at practice?" He asked looking over at her with a smile, he didn't see the problem with them having a girl on the team if she was as good as the scouts thought she was enough to invite her (not to mention looking at her highlights with the Silvertips) then she deserved to be there with them.

Josettè looked up confused she didn't know he knew it was supposed to be kept hush hush. "My mom told me lastnight, said I could give you a lift when I go she has to run some errands today or else she would've taken you" he said as he finished his ceral taking the bowl over to the sink and washing it out. “Gotcha I guess I'll go grab my bag then you look already to go don't want you to be late" Josettè said as she rinsed her cup out setting it on the drying rack before heading upstairs to grab her hockey bag from her room slipping her shoes on as she made her way downstairs meeting cole at the door

"So I take it the coach knows but the boys don't" She asked as they both made their way out to the car putting their bags in the trunk getting in the car "yeah they don't know, I think jack has somewhat of an idea but he hasn't said anything to anyone besides you know..me, he was the one who pointed out how good you were to some of us an then my mom told me you were coming to stay for a while. He kinda guessed something was up." Cole nodded as they drove to the arena for practice they didn't say much for a few minutes before he spoke up again "by the way how was it playing for the Silvertips? You played with uh Hart right? The Flyers new goalie?"

"Yeah, i finished school 2 years early being a foreign exchange student from France. Then got offered a spot there. I played with him for maybe a year or two before he got called up. He was really nice showed me a lot of tricks and stuff hes the only friend I really had or let get close to me since I don't have any siblings. He was so down to earth and just all around nice guy I wish some guys were that nice" Josettè rambled moving her hands about as she spoke about her time in Everett and being friends with the young Goalie. Cole glanced over at her briefly as he drove he was starting to see glimpses of the real Josettè behind the mask she put on infront of everyone he'd hoped the more they got to know eachother she'd trust him like she did Carter. "But yeah I enjoyed it in Everett didn't really want to leave but couldn't really pass this opportunity up plus with carter moving up it just felt right." She spoke as he nodded understanding what she meant.

They arrived at the arena about 10 minutes later both grabbing their respective bags from the trunk and heading inside, "so I'm supposed to meet with Coach John about everything" Josettè said as they walked down the many hallways "I'll take you too him, mom already let him know that I was bringing you in" he said with a smile stopping at a dor labeled coaches and knocked a few times.

The door soon opened and a tall man stepped out "Great! Caufield you're here and you brought Moreaux with you, I'm John Wroblewski Head Coach here. It's a pleasure to have you here I'm sure you will fit right in with the boys from some of the highlights I've seen of your playing style they could probably learn somethin from you in the long run."

Josettè nodded with a smile while he turned to Cole "alright go get changed and head on out on the ice for practice I gotta get her paperwork and stuff ready then we'll meet you boys out there." John said as Cole nodded patting Josettès shoulder before heading off to the lockeroom to get ready.

A little while later after they went over the paperwork and schedules and stuff that would go on John showed Josettè where she could change and then met him at the end of the hall when she was done making sure her braid was tight against her head and wouldnt come lose, and followed behind him as they headed out to the ice where the rest of the team was with the assistant coach.

John cleared his throat getting the boy's attention as they stopped running the drills they were doing "Boys, we usually don't do this and this is a first for us and the league, but we're bringing in a new person to the team. Guys I'd like you to meet Josettè Moreaux, I know a few of you have seen her skills and highlights from her time spent in Everett with the Silvertips. I expect all of you to treat her with the same respect you would any other teammate."

He motioned for Josettè to step onto the ice and join the boys to which she did getting a few odd looks from the ones she didn't recognize but all smiles from Cole, Alex, Spencer and Jack. Trevor on the other hand was aggravated to say the least, how could Wroblewski let this happen let alone agree to having a girl on their boys team.

They had a whole woman's team just for that reason. He huffed turning to Jack "Are we seriously letting a girl on the team? That's what womens hockeys for Jack not our development team, why aren't you objecting to this shit? She's going to ruin our whole team dynamic she's toxic and a bitch can't you see that!? Am I the only one who's seeing this?" He whisper shouted.

Jack gave Trevor an exasperated deadpanned look "Trevor we've known her not even twenty four hours. I don't think you have the resources and facts to back up those last two statements. As for the first one yes, we are letting a girl on the team. If coach didn't think this was a good idea he would've had her be on the woman's team ever think she may be too good for them and we could actually learn some things from her? Just let it go you're making an ass out of yourself. Coles parents wouldn't let her stay if she was anything like that." He pointed out as Josettè crossed her arms and looked over at Trevor

"You know, for whispering you're extremly loud, so I'm sorry? Is you're precious pride and ego scared that you'll get outshown by a girl? Because let's be honest honeybun, you don't have a lot going for you. Except that you're meh semi okay at hockey. And trust me, I've delt with guys like you back in Everett didn't end well for them obviously since I'm here and they're not. Tragic, isn't it?" She said with a smirk just as coach John started talking again

"Alright guys, were gonna start with a one v one to test and see what we need to work on, with knight in the net and then we'll go from there. First up, Caufield and Turcotte the rest take the bench." John said as Josettè and the rest made their way to take their seats on the bench to watch the two go head to head Josettè sat down on the end of the bench only to have Trevor plop down next to her without a care glancing from his two friends on the ice over to Jossettè.

"You know Josie Posie if we get paired up you're gonna lose badly. It's gonna be embarrassing and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it." He said with a smirk Josettè chuckled shaking her head keeping her eyes on the two on the ice as they went head to head "You know, I make cold calculations about difficult situations, and I do not take on anything I know I won't win. And i know I will win this. You can bet on that Sweetheart"

Trevor huffed at the mocking sweetheart nickname. "Yeah right that's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. It doesn't do the job and it makes a fucking mess. So cut the shit Posie it's not happening. You won't beat me one on one" he said rolling his eyes as John conviently called her and Trevor up next.

Josettè stood up patting his cheek "don't cry when I wipe the floor with you then, like I said...you'd eat those words Zegras." She said grabbing her stick stepping on the ice she could here him muttering behind her as they both got in position in center ice as John dropped the puck Josettè was quick to win the face off taking the puck darting around Trevor and off towards Spencer.

She could hear Trevor coming up behind her and quickly moved to the right backtracking with the puck as Trevor had turned around and was coming towards her to try and get the puck away from her, she quickly looked between him and Spencer before aiming and winding up for her signature one timer before sending the puck straight through Trevor's legs & right through Spencer's as well leading to a perfect five hole goal.

She smirked at Trevor and smiled sheepishly at Spencer "sorry had to make a point to Zegras here." Spencer waved her off he was a bit shocked himself that she was able to make that goal so easily, Trevor looked at her and over to Spencer with a questioning look as if to ask his friend if he let the goal in purposely.

Spencer who shook his head in denial making Trevor turn back to Josettè a bit shocked but quickly covering it up with an aggravated questioning tone making a bigger deal out of it than needed be "Are you kidding me? You just made that five hole goal on Spencer of all people."

"What? Like it's hard?"

Josettè said with a shrug as she heard the boys whooping and hollering as she winked at Trevor skating backwards towards the bench fist bumping a few of the guys as they all started excitedly talking about what just happened.

Trevor was puzzled to say the least. He knew he'd get her to break or so he tbought he just had to find what made her tick and hit the nail on the head with it.

#ntdp imagine #trevor zegras x oc #trevor zegras imagine #trevor zegras #EgoSeasonSeries #usa ntdp

[dfwemelie]

April 2019🌦

Wow, April 1st and so much has already happened. There were 4 fights today. The first one was 2 guys on the back stairwell I didnt know. The second one was Eugene punching Michael in the jaw over minecraft. And the last two happened on my bus. We sat on the side of the road for an hour until we were cleared to leave. The cops showed up and apparently it's a big deal. After the first fight on the bus, a kid jumped out the window and ran home. Over all pretty entertaining cause I've never actually seen a real fight before (only been in them). My mom and dad also dropped of my moms bestfriend to prison in Dallas today. It was really hard on both of them. We know she'll be back soon, its not that long.

April 4th, I almost punched Kelly in class cause she wouldnt stop talking shit :)

April 5th, hi welcome to missing Calvin a fucking lot :( (update from April 30, fucking die bitch)

April 9th, Yesterday we did Staar rotations. I hung out with Scott and Blake the entire time. Since I got Scott's snap we've been texting alot and I found he likes me.

April 10th, I told Calvin I thought we needed a 1 week break and now hes threatening to break up with me. Scott's helping me through it so I'm ok.

April 12th, Scott and I facetimed yesterday and after that we played Zombies with Seth. It was fun but I kept having to go help my mom and dad with something. Today he walked me to my first class which is Geometry. I think its extremely obvious he likes me. It's cute tho, Kaylie approves.

I have been thinking about this alot recently and I feel like its the right thing to do. I’m gonna break up with Calvin when 8th period starts. I just cant wait to do it later, it’s killing me inside. I am doing it over text because I genuienly feel like my life would be in danger if I told him in person. I’ll let you know how I goes and how he reacts. Wish me luck.

April 14th, I forgot to report how the breakup with Calvin went. Honestly went better than I expected. I'm glad we broke up, that was a really toxic relationship.

Scotty just said the sweetest fucking thing I've ever heard I'm gonna cry.

April 15th, OMG OMG OMG ok. this happened like 10 minutes ago so bare with me I'm still a little bit shook. Sooooo Scott took me to the back of the stairs by the Geometry and Art hall and KISSED ME! KISSED! ME! It was very sudden and at one point my braces got in the way but it's fine, we dont talk about it. After that we were walking down the stairs he said "well since that happened I might as well ask you now instead of after school, would you do the honors of being my girlfriend?" obviously I said yes cause hi, I like him, we just kissed. I immediately texted Kaylie. Scott now knows I tell Kaylie literally everything about anything. I cant help it, she is my bestest friend in the entire world. She knows everything about my life and she has always been there for me. My stomach doesnt feel good so ima take a quick nap until 1st period is over.

bitch even MORE SHIT has happened! first of all, Scott walked me to every one of my classes today which was super sweet. When the last bell rang Scott and I met up and just walked around school since we were both staying after. We just went up and down stairwells and kissed for a little then went outside by the bus ramps. When we got their we started kissing again, then talked and hugged, then walked around. Imagine that but legit 15 times. One time we were kissing and he picked me and continued to kiss me. When it was time for me to go we walked past all of our baseball and football friends. They were all cheering him on and congratulating him. We walked to the front of the school then my mom arrived. We hugged and kissed goodbye and that was it. We've been talking since.

I found out Izzy likes this girl and I'm so proud of him. He seems so happy and he blushed when I was talking to him about her. I'm so happy for him :')

Scotty told me hes my new addiction to stop my original. hes funny thinking I can stop.

April 16th, I had to go to a mandatory drill team meeting today. I'm worried i might not be able to tryout cause my grades are too low for me to bring up. It's fine tho. idc anymore.

April 17th, I get to hang out with Scotty after school today again

skrt skrt its 7:37. Scott and I hung out where we did last time. We basically watched Infinity War and made out the entire time. There were alot of people around cause everyone was getting their physical. Gage saw us but idc about that. I think around 2 hours ago Scott texted me but as soon as I got home I passed out. He said his mom found out about us dating and i was nervous. He said he was getting out of the car and his phone turned on and both his lock screen and home screen is us and his mom saw. She said I was cute and he had good taste. Glad his mom approves lol, now I just gotta tell mine. I was planning on it when she comes back from San Antonio later this week but we will see.

April 20th, wow I haven't done this in awhile sorry lol. Today I went to my friend Jaydens house and went swimming. It was really fun. She keeps wanting me to talk to her cousin Seth who is the same ago as me. Little does she know I have a boyfriend UwU.

April 21st, its 1:08 in the morning lol. Scotty got abssss. I'm not complaining, it's a weakness of mine lol.

April 22nd, yesterday was Easter and it was pretty fun. I went to my cousins house and hung around 2 goats and like 50 chickens. I keep telling my parents I want a goat and they said I'll get one one day, it would just have to stay at my grandma's house.

I'm done trying to fix something this broken. I've cried too many tears over you. I'm done.

April 24th, IM FINNA THROW SOME HANDS IF DEREK AND CALVIN DONT STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME AND SCOTTY OMGGGGG

April 25th, Scotty and I stayed up till midnight watching Netflix on facetime together. We got it to where it was timed perfectly so it was like we were watching it together. I’m hanging out with him after my fashion show rehersal after 4 until 5:15-5:30. I feel way happier and amazing now that I am with him. He makes me happy uwu. A couple days ago Kaylie showed me these socks on Amazon that she really wanted and i’m gonna suprise her with a pair of them tomorrow. I bought 2 pairs so that we could be matching and cause they are super cute. I am kinda nervous about it idk why. I know she is gonna love them. I like giving gifts to my friends, especially Kaylie cause she is my bestfriend and I would do anything for her to be happy.

April 26th, I went to see Avengers End Game with Jesse and Evan and it was the best movie I have ever seen, I get to see it next monday which is amazing. I gave Kaylie her shiba socks this morning and she loved them of course. I’m happy I had the chance to get her something she wanted. Scott and I were sitting and lunch and Carlos sprayed his water bottle everywhere. It scared me alot lol.  

April 28th, first of all...friday....hottest thing ever omg. I went on a trail thing yesterday and it was fun ig. I'm at my grandparents house and everyone wants me to make food??? like why??? I'm lazy and I just wanna sit on my phone looking at memes. uuggghhh. I'm supposed to be getting my nose peircing today but I seriously doubt that will be happening. My mom keeps saying shes gonna take me but it never happens.

April 29th, I was supposed to get my permit today huy I didnt have my ssc so we gotta do it tmrw. I'm on ft with Scott and his cousin Maria is adorable and I love her

April 30th, I got my permit this morning and now I'm about to cry. Mrs.Clary is stressing me the fuck out and I cant handle it anymore.

okay um hi. Scotty....best kisser ever. that was really hot. like holy shit

[mpgiswiki]

the rest of this post will be under a readmore cause its really just for me to have handy an itll probably be a little long

ok so like i said a bunch of times already today, i keep having dreams about one specific tooth of mine falling out??? so now im convinced its actually gonna fall out 

anyways now im gonna try and write down and analyze my dreams (or at least the ones i remember) and try to figure out How My Poor Tooth Will Go

so from what i can remember, the first dream i had about this tooth falling out was earlier this month (may) or late april. the dream started out normally?? like more normal than having a tooth fall out i guess…i was in my ap lang class and the teacher wasnt my normal teacher, it was this math teacher at my school that everyone just fucking hates. she was being a real bitch and when i answered one question wrong, she literally kicked me out of ap lang? the whole class like i wouldnt get credits for the class and i couldnt take the exam or anything i was just gone for good. obviously i was pissed about this, so i screamed and kicked things and did my usually anger breakdown thing and walked out of the class, heading to guidance. i cant remember which of these events happened first but at one point i was walking down the hallway (which now that i think of it, seemed more reminiscent of a hallway at my middle school) and i saw 3 of my friends (maybe 4 i cant remember) and they were doing karaoke in the middle of the hallway since there was a tv hanging from the ceiling. paige was singing and she was really getting into it. at another point in the dream, like i said, not sure if this was before or after the karaoke thing, i had to get on a bus in order to get to guidance. while on this bus, i had to talk to this girl i used to be friends with but told to fuck off freshman year cause she was toxic and i wanted to get ride of her. she just talked to me like normal?? like she didnt hate my guts for calling her an annoying bitch lmao?? and i just talked to her normally too which was fucking weird…anyways after i got off the bus, i was at guidance. the door to the guidance offices looked like the? jungle?? or whatever??? like some environmentalist designed the place…there was even a hug recycle bin there. i just kinda stood by the door for a while…i think my Dumb Ass couldnt figure out how to get in the door. i just kinda gave up i literally just said “fuck it i gotta go im late to drama practice” which is weird bc im not even fucking in drama. but nonetheless, i went to drama practice. drama practice was held in some huge ass library and the only other people there that i was talking to were my friend dana and my?? drivers ed teacher??? we were supposed to be practicing a scene from les mis which i guess was what play we were doing (i think?? i was cosette and dana was eponine and my fucking drivers ed teacher was marius…) but instead of practicing, we were just talking about the bullshit that was the fact i was kicked out of ap lang like a week before the exam. and then?? my tooth (top left, second from the front left tooth) just fuckign fell out and i started gushing blood and then i woke up…

 after that, i had an assortment of little dreams i can hardly remember where my tooth (the same one as always) either falls out or is pulled out. i remember in one its very violently pulled from my mouth and the only other thing i remember from that dream is that this bitch, holly, was there (she didnt pull out the tooth tho i think mikan tsumiki pulled out the tooth). in some other ones, i remember that my tooth was already pulled out before the dream and i would like keep it in the socket in my mouth and pretend like it was still attached?? which leads me to my other very vivid and most recent dream,

so, this one i had last night. its kinda in the opposite order the first one was in, it started with the tooth and ended with ap lang. so in this one, i started off in a dentists office. my dentist was actually my psychiatrist?? but in the dream i just saw her as my dentist but anyways i was talking to her about my teeth and whatever. she asked if there was anything else id like to say before we ended the appointment (kinda like how she would at my irl psychiatrist appointments) and i was like “oh yeah, my tooth fell out” and i just kinda take my tooth out of its little socket. apparently it had fallen out before (like, i long while before) and i had been keeping it in cause i didnt want people to know it fell out i guess?? and when i showed my dentist she was like “oh you pulled out your cracked tooth huh” or whatever and i got really confused because i was under the impression that it had just fallen right out but she pointed out that the tooth itself was cracked. then the bell rung and suddenly i was in the cafeteria at my school and i had no idea what fucking class i had next. so i was just kinda slowly walking out of the cafe when the fire alarm started to go off. i was super confused cause we had just had a fire drill the day before so it didnt make any sense why we would have another. until the principal said on the loud speaker that it was For Real and i started to FLIP. i finally figured out we had D period next, meaning i was supposed to be going to ap lang so i had to find that class so i would be accounted for. i was about to bolt the fuck out when i noticed my ap lang teacher was like right near me. i asked him why he was down by the cafe and not near his room and he said it was cause theres a lot of stuffed lions (tigers?) in his room and he was having electrical problems so it was only a matter of time before one of them caught on fire. so that was weird. anyways we went outside to where we were supposed to wait if there was a fire and i played some kind of hopscotch? game with some kids ive seen around school but have never talked to. none of them were in my ap lang class but whatever. the fire department quickly put out the fire and we all had to fucking continue school because of fucking course we would. so i went to my ap lang class and looked into the door window of the classroom and it didnt really look like it was on fire it looked more like one of the classrooms in corpse party…we held class in the class directly next to it with the other ap lang class and we were basically coloring. someone stole the seat i was sitting in when i got up for like a second. then like sparks started flying off god knows where and something caught fire and then i woke up.

wow this is already super long…ok well here goes my analysis of the dreams and my prediction. 

so the reason im so insistent that i might actually lose my tooth is cause a lot of times, i can correctly predict the future. it happens a lot with dreams especially. like if you know me you probably know im kinda a little psychic ?? in some ways. so im kinda taking this recurring dream as an omen. anyways the fact that in all the ones i can remember, theres something that has to do with school and especially ap lang?? makes me think somethings gonna happen in there. i thought before, in the first dream, the whole ap lang part was because i had my ap exam coming up and i was nervous about it but now that ive finished that and stuff im not too sure. i feel like the karaoke gang will end up being the people i see on my merry way to the nurses office with the tooth in hand, especially dana who has a really big presence in the first and last dreams?? dana was in the karaoke scene, she was there when it fell out in the first dream, and she was in the cafe with me when the fire alarm went off. i think ill probably talk to her about it right after it happens..i dont think she’ll be the reason i get my tooth knocked out tho bc if it does happen in ap lang like i assume then she wouldnt be anywhere near me at the time. i believe the reason my drivers ed teacher was also there was because at the time i had the first dream, i was taking drivers ed. and he was probably marius cause i hate marius and him. also the bitch i hate was there cause i have dreams about her and i being friendly constantly so that means nothing in regards to my tooth. the fact that i was so shocked the tooth was cracked may be my dream just telling me that its gonna crack off and not that it just falls or is just plainly pulled out. my psychiatrist was there because the other day i was wondering when my next appointment was. and the whole stuff with the fire probably came from the fact that we had a fire drill the other day and it also may symbolize the panic and whatever when my tooth fucking breaks off in class. now how exactly do i think itll go down, based on the dream + other stuff??? well like i said, itll be in ap lang most likely. how does one chip off a tooth in fucking ap lang? well right now my teacher is teaching the chinese students that are visiting about american sports so he has a bunch of sports balls sitting on the table in the front of the room. before he comes into the classroom to start class, some kids pick up a ball and play with it for a while. so im guessing my shit luck will cause someone to accidentally hit me in the face with a ball, hard enough to break my tooth. i, or someone else, will then probably have to pull my cracked, loose tooth out of its socket. there will be tons of blood. i will walk to the nurses office and maybe at some point see dana and tell her what happened. and thats what the fuck ive been thinking about all day. 

so ya tldr; some kid is gonna knock my tooth out in ap lang probably so 

#WOO that was fuckign long #anyways ive accepted my fate i just want my tooth gone #dream log #the world according to britt

[ronaldreghan]

1-104

bruh

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

well that would be dani and i would be very confused. “why was i naked?” i would ask. i have no reason to be naked around dani. or anyone, for that matter.

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

well i found out he was a trump supporter (rip) so i deleted him from everything. i still feel gross and its been almost 6 months.

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

honestly depends on the drug. weed? i dont care. shrooms/lsd/acid? id be a little iffy, but i ultimately wouldnt care. heroin/cocaine/opiods? id immediately try to help them get help.

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

ya its 7 lol

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober (unfortunately)

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

no? i dont think so

7. What does your last received text say?

“i like that color”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

idk we made out for like twenty minutes because i was too chicken to say “hey you were fun for ten minutes but id really rather be with my friends”

9. Where was your last kiss at?

some shitty halloween rave

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i dont have a sister lol

11. What do you drink in the morning?

water

12. Where did you sleep last night?

in my bed? where else am i gonna sleep? the dumpster behind my dorm? a clown car?

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

yeah. its constant work, but it shouldnt be annoying work, you know? its work thats hard but you enjoy doing it

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? 

ya i wouldnt spend so much money lol

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

YES GET ME OUT OF THERE AWAY FROM TRUMP BOY

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

rainy!!!

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

nope

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

wish i fuckin knew. probably not.

20. Does anyone like you?

no i dont think so.

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nope

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

fuck no

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

the boy i last kissed

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

i already have one lmao

25. In the past week have you cried?

yeah i cried in the airport because i had to call my mom because i didnt have enough money for the uber home and i was freaking the fuck out

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

i dont know! but he was littleand cute and i love him

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no all the football players i knew in high school were gross, and my current school doesnt have a football team

29. Do you think you’re old?

im not 20 yet so no

30. Do you like text messaging?

yes! i love texting! it makes it so easy to talk to my friends back home and also its so much easier to put things into writing

31. What type of day are you having?

eh, its ok. i met with my schools career service center and we talked about what i have to do to get my dream job, and also an actual job.

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

yeah, but i cant do piercings.

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

WARM

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

my dad! even though he annoys me sometimes hes still my dad and i love him a lot

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

a fling. i dont have the time, money, or desire for an actual Relationship rn

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

id like to think simple, but i also know that my logic doesnt always make sense to other people, which can make me seem complicated so *shrug* idk

37. What song are you listening to?

im listening to the sabres/sharks broadcast sooooo

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

usually39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

dani, anishka, brooke40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

well he plays for the sabres and hes super cute and i love him hes softe. he doesnt know i exist because why would he but i lov him.41. When did you last receive a text message?

well since i wrote the beginning of this post i have received two (2) texts, the most recent of which was 3 minutes ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

I NEED MONEY. I HAVE $6 IN MY BANK ACCOUNT AND I HAVE $100 IN FRATERNITY DUES AT THE END OF THE MONTH.43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

dani is one of my best friends lol44. Does anyone disgust you?

myself, mostly. but like, ACTUAL disgust? anyone who is alt-right.45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

probably not46. Are you in a good mood right now?

relatively, yeah47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my roommates48. What color shirt are you wearing?

its a black parade mcr shirt...................49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

yeah, that im poor lol50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

myself51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

yeah, i honestly hate him so much hahaha but yet were still facebook friends so 

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

the buffalo sabres53. Do you like rain?

yes!!! i love rain so much!!! especially thunderstorms!!!! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

no55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

all the time in high school. i knew they didnt like me back, so pair that with crippling shyness and nothing ever happened.56. Do you like to cuddle?

YES. CUDDLE ME.57. Are you shy?

GOD YES. i Cannot talk to new people. 58. Do you get along with girls?

i gotta. us women gotta stick together.59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

yeah dani and i dated for like almost 3 months lol 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my phone. i always, always have my phone with me. 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

oh fuck yeah. i love ghosts gimme some ghost love. 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

eh. sure, lets say yeah. 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

nope, but i wanted one. and now i am Here, single, bitter. 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

OH MY GODDDDDD FOREHEAD KISSES KILL ME AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ALSO TEMPLE KISSES GOD I AM SO WEAK FOR THOSE65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

yeah, i surprised brooke and dani and they both screamed which was probably cute, but mostly made me warm inside.

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

uh 19/20, 18, and 16 (at the time)

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? 

id do them myself lol i dont fucking care.   68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?

...zebra?

69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

no but i want some70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

lil wayne, i dont fuck my cousins.71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

iphone bith!!!72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

like two-ish weeks ago?73. Do you like diet soda?    

yeah i like diet coke more than regular coke? idk it tastes better74. What color are the walls in your room?    

here theyre an ugly beige, back home theyre sabres blue and gold (i was in seventh grade ok bye)75. Are you 16 or older?    

ya im 19 now76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

nope.77. Do you have a job?    

not yet, but i applied for a ton! please send positive thoughts my way that i get one!!!  78. What are your initials?    

MMR79. Did you ever have braces?    

yeah, for two and a half years :/80. Are you from the south?    

do i fuck my cousins?

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

my most recent activity was me sharing the article about harrison browne retiring, but my most recent original activity says “ED SHEERAN IS COMING TO BUFFALO THIS IS NOT A DRILL”82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

nope. he re-followed me on twitter in november tho lol83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

probably my mom, but it used to be the other way around.84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?    

no but i wanted to so bad when i was younger!!!85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

the lego batman movie lol86. Do you smoke?    

nope. both of my parents smoked cigarettes and i dont fuck with that. as for weed (which i assume this is actually referring to), i smoked it once over the summer,but i dont really want to again? idk i just have no burning desire to get high.87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?    

flip flops.88. Is your phone touch screen?    

ya89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

my hair is limp bitch90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

yeah lol once i snuck out at 1 in the morning to go to noco and buy chocolate milk it was an Adventure91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

pool. im not about to get some fucking parasite in my vagina, which would happen to me with my shitty luck.92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

ye93. …Had sex in a car?    

no, im a version94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

single95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

what WAS i doing last night at midnight, thats actually a good question.96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

uh new years. in person? fourth of july i think.97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yeah. i mostly take my picture through snapchat so98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

I FUCKING WISH99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no but ive thrown up.............100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

a few101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

bitch do i look like im stickin dicks in my hoo ha102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

her cover of true colors? iconic, show stopping, brilliant, amazing, never been done before103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

yes! its amazing bc that never happens104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

FUCK. NO.

#mine #Anonymous

[gaydrienagreste]

D: Why did you have to evacuate your school? (Sorry if this has been already answered)

lmao no i havent answered this yet! i should explain anyways cause this is the second time this week weve had to evacuate-and both times were during the same class period someone must really hate eighth period damn. anyways im gonna explain why we had to evacuate both times cause i never explained the first one

so the first evacuation was on tuesday. we didnt get any call over the announcements, we just saw people running past the room and an administrator stuck her head in and yelled “GRAB EVERYTHING VALUABLE AND GET OUT” and we did, but we thought it was some real drill because shit like this has never happened before. well apparently one guy threatened to bring a gun but i dont think i was at school that day. anyways we were all thinking it was a drill

except when we get downstairs the smell of motor oil hits us-i think it was motor oil at least, ive never smelled it, but a lot of people i know said it was motor oil-and we start going “yo, maybe this…isnt a drill" so we start going faster and when we get outside the teachers are telling us to get into the parking lot and move back to a certain point

like i said before this kind of thing usually never happens, so ofc everyone is panicking and asking whats going on and calling home and its all a mess. i had no idea what was going on so i ran around the parking lot asking my friends and teachers what was happening. i didnt get any real answers until one teacher says “theres a gas leak”

so i call my mom in a panic cause hOLY FUCK WE COULD GET POISONED BY THE GAS. i dont have a transcript of the call but if you were wondering it was basically me screeching “MOM THERES A GAS LEAK AT SCHOOL PLEASE COME GET ME” because yeah im depressed as hell but i dont want to go out by gas poisoning

we ended up having to keep moving away from the school until we were all clustered around the fence of the nearby middle school. i basically just sat there and played pokemon while waiting for my mom to come get me and hoped that we wouldnt be able to go to school tomorrow

except the fire department cleared up whatever it was. turns out it wasnt a gas leak it was some kind of electrical fire?? idk where the gas leak thing came from. they were telling everyone still there to go back inside even though it was dismissal time in six minutes. fortunately my mom got me before that so i didnt have to go back in

as for today’s evacuation, we were just sitting in class going over the assignment when the intercom came to life and told us to grab everything and get out. again, we all thought it was a drill cause on tuesday nobody followed proper drill procedures so maybe they wanted us to try it again and get it right. so were all chatting in the hall and im noisily slurping my sonic slushee cause hey the first time was a fluke, theres no way this can happen twice in the same week right?

man were we wrong

this time when we get downstairs, we smell smoke. like honest to god smoke. fortunately everyone was a bit more organized when we got outside this time so there wasnt as much panic. actually, pretty much everyone was hoping the school would burn down. i texted my mom to say “hey theres a fire so we evacuated again” and i could almost hear her sigh through her texts

once again, the fire department shows up to save the day! this time it wasnt an electrical fire, it was a paper fire. was it arson? was it an accident? were both times arson? is god showing us that school is evil? i dont know man, i got to leave early again. funnily enough, i left around the time they were letting everyone back in (they resolved the issue sooner this time) so i was like “ha bitches have fun in the rest of class im going home”

and thats the story of how my school had to evacuate twice in one week. honestly it was especially crazy for me because for all of my life shit like this only happened in drills. prior to this, ive never experienced an actual tornado or an actual fire, and i only came marginally close to experiencing a school shooter. now i can check this off of my list of life experiences

imo i think the paper fire couldve been set on purpose, cause usually my school has a huge scandal every year that gets the bigwigs of the district involved, like the time a whole bus got accused of cussing at wendys and the time the whole freshman class got the geography teacher fired. but those are entirely separate stories. if the fire really was set on purpose ill let you guys know

#honestly i have some wild ass school stories from this school alone #other than that the only wild school story is when i set off the fire alarm #also the plastic beaker incident #but yeah those are tales for another time #school stories #anon #asking all the questions

[strawberryspeachy]

I dont remember what i was watching the other day that made me think of this....

And i have a particular.... somewhat particular. Not just one opinion more of a.... branch like opinion. Like that theres many stems kind of thing

So

Anyone that cares to read into this will probably get what one of my opinions are. But i wont blatantly say it... yet. Because. Yes

When i was in school we had lock down drills about as many times as we had bomb drills.... not super frequently but we were familiar with it

Thought it was absolutely bonkers when one of my teachers complained that he wasnt allowed to put a blackout paper on his door and then went on for the next ten minutes about how he put his desk near the windows so that if a shooter came in he could jump out the window as thr shooter killed us instead and then hed run around in the trees..... well ignore that he got fired for being a racist peice of shit

Anyhow. Not as frequent obviously when i was in school. But talked about enough that apparently a lot of kids thought about it

And here i go

Cause it wasnt all kids. It was a lot of kids.

I only heard about these thoughts when someone told me they were nice to one of my friends so that if she shot up the school shed be spared. This friend - most people made fun. They liked to try and rile her up because if someone got to her she responded loudly and audibly. Ya know. Youre normal weirdo

Another of my friends often joked that the teachers looked at her like ‘the next columbine kid’ and that they probably had a button for her. Cause she was quiet and didnt talk to many people and mostly just drew and kept to herself except would get visably stressed over exams.

And the only other times the thought of anyone i went to school with showing up with a gun came up - was after a bunch of asshole kids would taunt and push a kid to the point that they would scream - get in trouble for screaming - and then storm out of the room. Then other people would say - yo stop fucking with him before he brings a gun into school

I also. Encas it wasnt obvious. Was an outcast that generally was really quiet - a pretty decent candidate for someone who might snap. A couple times during those hushed conversations - that i took notice of - a couple people would look my way and do that thing preppy girls do - where they talk even quicker amoung themselves and then say hi in that way... that way that your recognize is making fun of you but cant describe to anyone because they do it so they wont get in trouble for it

I told some kids when i did twitch -how i responded - they said id get expelled for it now. Yea probably. Unfortunate. Because my way of handling them always brought a smile to my face.

Those couple times the conversation would turn from whatever kid they just ran out of the room onto me - id always respond with something like

Oh dont worry i wouldnt bring a gun to school (pause and look as psychotically methodical as possible) i have better ways that wont send me to jail

Then id glare at them - keeping eye contact - until all their smiles faded and they looked away

Sometimes thered be that one girl who whined about how mean of my that was to say and would go on a tangent as though she wasnt just making fun of someone 50 seconds ago. Shes gonna tell the teacher. Why do i hate them? Start asking me a bunch of fucking questions. Just in the shrill voice going on and on

Honestly those ones of the worst one. Like they go from bullying to pretending they were the ones being bullied by the kid theyre tormenting in a flash. The ones who want attention. Who know that if they just keep whining loudly the teachers will give them what they want to shut them up. When they did that with the loudly reactive kids - theyd get the kid that just got bullied in trouble for having an argument with them because their resons to their rhetorical questions woulf be stuff like “cause your a bitch and you and your friends wont leave me alone” and then the teacher would hear things like bitch and get the other kids in trouble

Idk about other schools. But in my school it was nice that we had a good amount of apathetic kids who would step in and tell that whiny girl off for first making fun of someone and then pretending she was the victim to to just stfu

Also the way that these shrill obnoxious girls... normally girls. Ever stop. Is by laughing? Yea when someone would finally get them to shut up and stop theyd laugh it off with their friends.

Well anyway.

Thats all for that post..

[anxietyadventureguide-blog]

Advice for people with social anxiety / college freshmen.

I had always heard from other people, from my parents from tv shows,that college would be the best time in my life and the friends i met there would be the best i ever had.  But I came into college unlike the usual freshmen, because I percieved my junior and senior years of high school to fit people’s description of college. I switched into a different high school my junior year because my old high school offered almost nothing academically and it was a social nightmare because almost the entire student body had social difficulties caused by emotional/learning difficulties cause that was the school’s schtick. So when I came to ocsa it felt like people described college I met people from diverse places (okay so diverse within the range of orange county), with a ton of different interests and i got to reinvent myself from the awkward person i had been in freshman and sophmore year. And by some coincidence I started making friends with sophmores because i was put in a sophomore world history class since at my old high school they taught US history sophmore year and world history junior year and in osca it was flipped around. And i just ended up making friends with sophomores because i was in that history class (in addition the sophomores didn't have social groups as impenetrably knit as those of the juniors since there was less time for development, and there were a lot more sophomores who were knew to the school). And i was really good friends with those sophomores, and by the time freshmen year of college rolled around i was sad that I had to let go of my friends before it seemed like it was time because in many ways i felt more like i was from the class of 2016 than from the class of 2015. And so needless to say in college, I was still mourning because I had just been separated from the best friends i had ever had and didn’t know if they were my friends anymore. And i craved structure and was nervous, and so i came in consoling myself hoping that college would offer me opportunities to find people i liked as much as megan and alex and the gang (at the time i felt really guilty about the idea of replacing them because friends shouldn't just be replaceable, especially in cases where the friend group still exists at home. College freshman logic, not me logic). And so i came into college really awkward, panicked, and knowing that if i didn’t find a group at orientation I was fucked because after the first few months all the die would have been cast and it would be infinitely harder to break into a preformed friend group. So my idea was that to be sure i didn’t miss my small window of opportunity I had to pick a friend group and hang out with them as much as possible so i can ensure when they start forming an impenetrable clique i’m there to become part of said impenetrable clique, and no bonding happens outside of my watch. That way, i don’t have to be playing catch up to other members. However, this did not work out well. The first time lasted two months (maybe 1.5 if I’m generous, considering that at some point i started drawing out and hanging out with other people, went back for a day, and was officially rejected), and ended in a trainwreck in which i ended up being ditched out on halloween and directly told to leave their halloween movie night so they could have their “family moment” in the very intimate space of the common room (god i wish i had had the wit and sass at the time to remark that they were in the common room and by definition i should be allowed to come in).  After that i hung out with another friend group for the rest of the year which turned out okay even though i didn’t like the people in there that much. The year after i formed a real friend group out of three people, but then one of those people decided to show her immature bitch side and suddenly hate me and accuse me of “using her as a punching bag” for an entire semester, without having brought up any of it to me before or saying anything directly to me about being unhappy (which if i were neurotypical would be fine but im on the spectrum and need to be hit over the head with a brick when it comes to reading social cues, especially those that i don’t want to see), and then told me to not talk to her for an entire summer. Her spontanious hate for me has never really worn off  (if you want to ask more and say maybe i did abuse her. Yes i did make my mistakes but it was a fucked up relationship in general and we really fucking tormented each other. Our relationship at times often consisted of us making playful jibs at one another that had an undertone of aggression that passed the line of healthy but yet was subtle enough for us to not notice it. I wish she had been more willing to forgive me or to work on our relationship before exploding and deciding to hate me for all eternity. When she sent the message that caused the rift between us I was on my knees begging her to forgive me and let us work on it but she wouldnt accept anything other than me leaving her alone. It was a double edged sword, if i left her alone she would never forgive me because i didnt seem apologetic enough, but if i apologized she would get mad at be for not leaving her alone like she asked. I think it was already done mostly by the end of the year. And she sent me a text message trying to clear things up expecting a certain response from me- getting on my knees and claiming it was all my fault to try to be better. But i bit back at her and then i was fucking stupid and asked her for a number and also got kinda aggressive because i was mad and confused. Anyways she’s the queen of the bitches toally immature , incapable of being civil and i pity any other friend she has. )Anyways, college has not worked out for me so here are some tips to actually do well in college for people with social anxiety. These are things i wish i had learned myself.

I apologize for being crass and not being encouraging and sounding like a drill instructor. I think in advice columns people often try to be gentle and encouraging and uplifting. But to me that has always sounded like bullcrap, like something that’s overly optimistic and pretends that the problem being faced can be solved with a simple solution, and said solution is very easy to do. And in reaction to that I think that it doesn’t apply to my situation because general advice can’t fit all specific situations and the reader knows how to live their life better than a piece of paper that doesn’t even know their name. And ultimately that’s true. All i can do is try to convince you, and unlike most advice columns i shouldn’t expect you to just blindly take my advice because i asked for advice, i need to work to convince you. Because for you, there is always the option to spend the time it takes to follow my advice watching youtube. So i’ll try to include all counterarguments and argue against it. I will say i have had aaaaalll these counterarguments in my mind at some points and have seen the logic in all of them.

PART I: Orientation

1: Get out of your room and do shit NO MATTER FUCKING WHAT.

NO REALLY GET OUT OF YOUR ROOM AND DO SHIT. What if you would rather do it at another time because right now your bed is really comfy? Make yourself fucking do it.. What if you’re not interested in the orientation activities? Doesn’t matter. Go.  What if you’re like me and are insanely socially awkward? You’re afraid you’ll just end up standing there feeling really weird seeing people talk to each other and have fun while you are there frozen, panicked, and feeling like you don’t belong? Go, make yourself do it. What if no, really, I don’t get it? You’ll spend the entire time imitating a human lamppost pretending to look at your phone? You’ll stick out like a sore thumb and everybody will see how socially impaired you are? GO. You have other shit to do and it’s not practical to socialize all the time, if you enjoy reading at home more you should do what you love? You believe that if you don’t want to go, then forcing yourself to try to like something you hate is stupid? Well- actually, yes. I agree with that- but only in certain specific cases. But I’ll get back to that later. Obviously you won’t believe what i have to say. Good, i would be concerned if you did believe claims as big as mine with as little evidence as I’m providing.Why should you? I don’t know your fucking life I’m just text on a paper written by someone with an ego inflated enough to think i know the answer to a problem you can’t figure out on your own. So first things off, yes- there are a million other things you can be doing alone that will seem far more enjoyable. It’s absolutely true that spending time with friends should be enjoyable, you shouldn’t have to make yourself do extremely uncomfortable things to fit in with other people because those people won’t end up being your friends. It’s college , friends should come naturally. People make friends without having to torture themselves, that’s what should happen with real friends. But what’s also true is that people who make friends naturally also likely are more able to put themselves out there and strike up conversations with somebody they’ve never talked to one on one before naturally, and to them that doesn’t seem impossible or as crazy as someone who spontaneously strips naked.It’s hard to imagine that right? It’s a lot easier to imagine that people who strike conversations with strangers are brave as fuck but also as stupid as fuck and end up in very awkward situations that would end up being really painful to watch in a sitcom. It seems like those type of people who just make friends with strangers break social rules so fundamental that they might as well just spontaneously take a dump in front of everyone.Now that thought seems really dumb and that logic seems ridiculous. Well- yeah, I’m trying to point it out to you. But consider this, go outside and talk to the first person you see. Ask them what their favorite candy bar is. Did you do it? If not, then some of this hyperbolic logic about the social abnormality of  randomly talking to strangers applies to you.

You don’t talk to strangers, that’s the rules you’ve been taught since kindergarten. You need to have certain excuses to talk to somebody you aren’t well acquainted with because people have lives and are busy and find it weird and creepy when random strangers try to talk to them like you’re their best friend. That’s weird. People have boundaries. Talking to strangers should only take place out of necessity- needing to borrow a pencil, asking for directions, maybe if you’re super brave and willing to break some rules telling people the time when they ask for it. After that interaction you should let people get back to their lives. I mean, it seems weird and jarring when random weirdos come up to you and start telling you about their lives. So why would they think any different? And if it’s just an unspoken social rule that you don’t talk to strangers without a valid reason unless you want to look creepy and weird, then going to events and clubs that none of your friends are at seems like a stupid idea when social permits you can’t talk to any of the strangers attending. At that point you’re just watching other friends talk. It seems stupid AF. So here’s my response. Yes, your logic for not talking to strangers is right- mostly. Obviously things aren’t that concrete and the social world has nuance and you’ll expect me to tell you that the social world isn’t that black and white and you need to trust in humanity and things will be easier and turn out better than you think. But what authority would i be saying that on? None. I haven’t given you any evidence. It’s at least 3x at hard to find reasons to trust humanity than to find reasons to hate it. So to just blindly trust that humanity will forgive you and strangers will be more open to other strangers talking to them is not a great idea.

Yes you are right. And you are right in saying my next advice about nuance is kinda odvious and patronizing and bullshit. But i’ll try to make it as down to earth and as logical as possible

The circumstances in which you can talk to strangers are less rigid than you might conceptualize them to be. Now I could be totally cliche and say that people are more forgiving than you think. Well- sadly there isn’t that much evidence to think contrary.  And ultimately, because i seem to forget this point while i’m writing much like i forget the arguements of my essays midway through, I can’t convince you in any way that people will be more receptive than you fear they will be if you follow my advice and put yourself out there by being really awkward.  This is more to remind myself than remind you.

Anyways, there are cases where social rules about talking to strangers are a bit more flexible. Now i’m making a large claim here so don’t think I think this applies universally. But in general as a hard fast set of rules,  how much you can talk to strangers depends on the context. It’s creepier in some places than in others. For example, you don’t talk to strangers if you probably won’t ever see them again. Don’t talk to them on the subway because the subway can be full of hella seedy people. Same with the bus. People sitting next to you in class? Definite yes if you need to borrow a pencil, didn’t hear what the teacher said, maybe they have the most amazing shoes if you’ve ever seen and you’re feeling social. Sure.Lines? Maybe i’ll discover that i’m thinking too rigidly and it’s actually not as creepy as it seems. I feel like if the thing you are waiting for is specific enough to qualify as a same interest then probably yes. Not a definitive FUCK YES ITS AN ODVIOUS EXCUSE but, yes, if you’re feeling slightly brave. So lines to comicon? Yes odvious conversation starters, what’s your cosplay, how are you enjoying the con, ect? Lines for free food? Eh, depends on if there’s an odvious reason to talk, like complaining about how long the line is (of course, afterwards you can either let the conversation die out, making the comment feel pointless, or come up with a way to keep it going.). As you can see, I’m still struggling with a verdict on that one.

And that’s the thing. Even though this thing is hella long, I’m not ultimately going to convince you. Learning is a long and tedious process, especially when it involves not just integrating one snippet of information into an already existing conceptual model, but creating an entirely new model by changing the structure of the old one. There are papers about how it takes 7 year old kids weeks to change conceptions of a flat earth to that of a round one, even if you tell it to them and say that science has proved it. Toddlers don’t understand that a solid but opaque tube can redirect a ball so it doesn't fall directly down below the point at which it was dropped.  I took a whole class about this shit called cognition in STEM education. So you’re going to have to learn all this shit i’m telling you right now for yourselves by seeing it in real life and having the information present itself over and over again until you’re able to restructure your concept of what social rules are. ANd this is hella complicated. I mean it’s not just our model of the earth we’re talking about, it’s our model of theory of mind, our conceptual model of how people work, how socializing works, how relationships work. This set of social rules I am asking you to redefine is something we have each been constructing since the day we were born. Even if I wrote an entire book, you’re going to have to convince yourself. All I can do is get the ball rolling by what little credibility and power of conviction some text on a page can lend to you.

So what’s my main point here? (heh, by now you would think I’m just writing to myself. Well, you’re correct and I’d be very shocked if you are still reading this). Social rules aren’t as rigid as you may conceptualize them because they depend highly on context. The thing is that evaluating context can be extremely taxing. That involves working memory and executive functioning and shit. You have to hold in your mind one topic (social rule) while you think about the situation in which it takes place and evaluate whether the context is an exception to the rule or not by looking into the reasons for the rule and other places the rule might apply and - let’s just say it involves a lot of thought, especially when rules that have worked for you pretty reliably have been violated. Because that’s the thing. You have followed these social rules all your life, and they likely have brought you some ups and some downs. They’re reliable. Sooooo, why would you evaluate context? Because you are still reading this my friend. And because if you don’t things will never change.

And this, ultimately is why I’m writing this monstrosity. Because I wish I knew this freshmen year at Reed. I wish somebody had tried this hard to convince me because maybe I wouldn’t today be facing the pain of having to start and find a stable friend group as a junior because I don’t have one yet. Through a lot of pain and trying and hoping that things will turn out well if i give it more time, they haven’t. After three years. And it sucks ass having to sit in your dorm, knowing that people you have trying to get to include you in a friend group are going to events without you. It is depressing as hell seeing everybody have friends around you almost effortlessly, and having nothing. And it sucks ass having some blog on the internet remind you of this. But what i can say is that I can’t tell you that your efforts will pay off. Hell, I don’t know if my efforts will pay off. I can’t say that you won’t embarrass yourself or you are stronger than you think and if you do this enough you will have friends. It certainly hasn’t worked for me yet. But I can say this. WAITING IS MISERABLE. Feeling helpless is miserable. Sitting in your dorm watching john oliver knowing that people out there have friends, are having fun, have lives, while you are doing nothing special with a friday night and haven’t done anything special on a friday night since high school is fucking misery. It destroys you. And I used to think the pain was because I had no friends and was born with a disorder than gives me social difficulties. And granted, it’s largely because of that. But what makes the pain stick is the hopelessness. It’s how pathetic it feels to have so much social anxiety that you are being ignored, that nothing is going right for you socially, and you can’t make yourself respond to it by taking agency. You can’t get out of bed. You can’t control your fate, hell you can’t control your ability to go out in public. You feel utterly helpless and angry at the world, angry at yourself. And it’s the self hatred that gets you.

So yes, I can’t claim that going to clubs will make you feel less socially awkward, that you will socially improve. I’m saying that in the long run, and even right now if you’re just starting freshman year, you will like yourself more if you put yourself out there. Putting yourself into awkward situation reminds you that you are resiliant, that you are in control of your own destiny. That even if you can’t control whether you succeed or not, you can control if you try. And it’s the trying that will ultimately make you feel good about yourself, because it’s what’s in your hands. If success is not fully in your hands, than it is nothing to be proud of. The achievement is in the attempt, in the resilience. By being able to take a risk, by being willing to take a fall and sacrifice time and effort and know that it can all be for nothing, there is achievement. Trying and failing shows resiliance, it shows strength, it shows that you will not shatter like glass. It’s not as good as success, but it makes you feel in control. Which is what will determine when the next bad thing happens whether you are able to take the hit and keep moving on, or whether it will bring you to your knees and you will cry in your room for hours. Resiliance saves so much pain in the end. IF you run every day and train for a marathon, you will be able to run it successfully. If you don’t run and don’t train you will not complete the marathon without collapsing. And life will throw you marathons and you will have to run them. And you can run them either having trained or not having trained. Now this seems cliche, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Maybe i got carried away with this paragraph and this metaphor. But there will be a day where you will need to know that you can try and fail because that knowledge will give you the strength to keep going. Knowing your own resilience will save you so much pain in the future. So even if trying never produces a result, if putting yourself into social situations only leads to awkwardness and embarrassments . it will make you more capable of dealing with the pain of not being able to attain the social success you try so hard to attain.  

So yeah, I’m just words on a screen. But start small. Say hi to a random person in the hall (scandalous I know!), ask somebody in class for a pencil even if you don’t need one. You can’t control whether people will be your friends. But you can defeat the fear if you can show yourself you can handle the fall. You might not get results. And your fear won’t just go away. It will feel just as painful, just as heart wrenching. And you might feel horrible before, during and afterwards and probably feel mortified and constantly rehearse how it could have gone better. But you will have done it. And that’s worth a lot and will pay off the next time you actually get rejected and it matters. It’s not about them, it’s not about results, it’s not about whether the interaction feels awkward or not. It’s about feeling like you are doing something other than waiting for somebody else in effort to control your own destiny. No dramatic changes, no changing who you are, just one reasonable step at a time as you grow more comfortable. You will fall. There will be times your fear wins and you go and hide. It’s inevitable. There’s so much more power backing your fear than your bravery. Just focus on that lack of control, on the resentment for all the efforts that have never worked, and then go and determine whether you are willing to let that continue it’s worth giving up the safety of following the routine that has led you to where you are now. And maybe, there’s a tiny chance that you will find the courage to break the hard fast social rules you have known all your life for just a moment. Do what you can. If you decide to go out one in 100 times you have debated doing something social but ended up in your room it’s a success. If you can-trust yourself. If you can’t , just take a microscopic step ahead. That’s enough. Don’t change yourself and your cautiousness for just words on a paper.  

#anxiety #social anxiety #college #freshman #college freshman #social anxiety advice #social problems #help social anxiety #how do i social #kara schwartz #anxiety adventures

[foreveregyptian]

DO ALL OF THE AESTHETIC ASKS (but not the ones you're uncomfortable answering)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

last monday in the gameroom a little louder than i should have

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

any moment i’ve spent with people whose company i enjoy

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

I would increase my voluntary salah, make some more dua, probably pray my salah with other people instead of alone, and go back to jumuah (i havent been going and i miss it). overall increase my rememberance of Allah

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

things id like to accomplish in this life inshaallah (based on first thing that comes to mind)

-memorize the Quran

-get married 

-travel with my future husband everywhere (inshaallah inshaallah)

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

my mom honestly. sometimes we go on little adventures (thrift stores, short walks, cafes, or even grocery shopping) and she gets excited over the cutest things like teacups and stuff and she works so hard for her business and she balances so much on top of her normal responsibilities mashaallah shes such a great role model may Allah protect her and reward her for everything she does ameen

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

I would say my childhood was average, there were a few times where ive gone through rough patches but theyve made me who i am today and I’m thankful for that. 

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

a couple nights ago in front of my mom, i got overwhelmed with a bunch of things that stressed me out and she knew something was up and she asked about it so i kind of cried a bit. 

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

my future husband (inshaallah). I dont know why, but it just seems that it should be him. stargazing seems like a really peaceful activity that requires comfortable quiet and that was the first thing that came to mind. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

not really.... considering the fact i’m kind of awkward at first meeting people. 

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

with maryam, shes one of my best friends and im thankful for her

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

To anyone in the room, my shahaada (bearing witness that there is no God worthy of worship except Allah and that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him is His servant and Messenger)

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

They’re calming to look into! 

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

Its a verse from the Quran that I feel like has affected my life alot, from surah Hashr ayah 59, the translation being “And be not like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.” along with surah Ra’d ayah 28, “Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest”. Lately ive been feeling alot of anxiety for issues of this dunya, and at the same time i have to be honest but I wasnt 100% with remembering Allah. I was doing it, but it wasnt with the best intentions, and I’m trying to fix it. Alhamdulillah my chest is a bit lighter and I feel calmer, as if my heart is at more ease than it was before, subhanallah. 

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

probably donate it to my community school, they really need the money for repairs. 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I didnt used to be. I used to hold grudges for a long time until i realized it wasnt healthy and also it wasnt good. and then i was forgiving to people who had harmed me, but if anyone did anything to my friends i would stay mad at them even when my friends had forgiven them (at this point i was like okay tasneem chill). now i can say (alhamdulillah) that i have an okay level of forgiveness (better than what i used to have before).

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Dont worry about what other people think about you because none of it matters in the end. You are beautiful. You will go through fake friends and one sided friendships and they will leave but you will find gems that will help you grow as a person and will be there for you and call you out on your mistakes for your sake so grit your teeth a bit more and ride it out, verily with hardship comes ease. drill that in your mind, repeat it, because you will go through so much difficulty and emptiness but none of it is in vain. You did not go to umd like you wanted but youre much happier here alhamdulillah and you’ll see why. 

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

pastel! definetly pastel

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I’ve been exposed to cultures where nose piercings are normal, and i have my ears pierced. for myself i wouldnt want to go past either of those but people are free to pierce whatever they want. Tattoos mehhhhhh i wont judge anyone who has them but theyre not allowed in Islam. personally i prefer henna. 

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

i wear whatever im in the mood/energy for on each given day, but if its a big even i do a full face (what i consider full face is foundation/concealer and my eyes/eyebrows, plus occasional highlight) I dont have time in my routine for eyeshadow or learning how to do it. On class days that i do wear it it’ll range from fresh face to eyebrows and eyeliner+mascara. 

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

Donald Trump, you are the shittiest human being in the world. (not changing this) 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

(has not been to a concert)

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

red bc its cool

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

zaynub, maryam, hibaaq, afraah, and raneem and maybe somewhere in dc or an art museum or a city with cafes OH YEAH A CAT CAFE 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

i saw this fanart of a hijabi airbender and it was so freaking cool i wanted to do a costume party and do a hijabified avatar character bc thats sick as heck

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

lol the most high ive been was at the dentist office off of laughing gas and my limbs were falling off the chair and i was laughing my head off 

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

kill someone

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

i’d rather only listen to one song because i love the people i surround myself with and i cant choose just one. 

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

for me it was kind of heart painful. my heart would miss the person a bit after they passed by and it would go on for months... wishing for another way to see them even if its just a few seconds, the feeling that you’ve met before and wish to meet again, and after a long time when you think you’re over them, they show up and it all starts over. 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

i’ve been told id look good in short hair and ive always wanted to try it?

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

honestly my drinks vary but i usually like eating the turkey egg white sandwich. not even myself bc i never know what i want from there *nervous sweats*

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

making it to Paradise via pleasing Allah (SWT)

#personal #ask #14phbitch