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bloodycassian · 3 years

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anon asked:

ok hear me out, azriel x reader where reader can hear thoughts or something along those lines and she doesn’t know how to control it so she’s constantly hearing or feeling thoughts/emotions and it’s heats super overwhelming and az helps her through it <3

The headaches hadn't stopped for weeks. Rhys had even called over a medwitch from the continent to help, but there was nothing she could see that was wrong. They were all worried, but their worries just somehow made your head hurt even more. The whispers you could hear from them down the stairs of the townhouse were the worst part. 'Do they need a cleansing?' 'What happened to cause it?' 'Their body is doing this for a reason.' they went on and on and on, never answering each other. Each voice different through the muffling of the walls. You were ready to scream. Pillow over your head wouldnt even block them out. You rocked in bed, hands over your ears. Nothing, no more silence ever. Just the ringing in your head of all the voices. Mor had tried asking her father if he knew anything about such subjects. Anything for help. Azriel swooped into the city streets, nodding at a few shopkeeps as he went. After being gone for the last few weeks, the welcome faces of his home were a sight for sore eyes. He held the bag of various salts and salves gently, just as he had his whole trip back. He landed with precision at the front gate of the town home. The familiar wrought iron fence squeaking slightly when he opened it. You felt his presence before he even opened the front door. The coolness of his essence seeping through the walls. The curling shadows that darkened everything ever so slightly. "Your condition seems to have...developed since I left." He set the tote down on the chair by the door, then closed it softly. The whispering became more intense, a pounding in your head that drowned out almost everything else. "Oh-" He breathed as he walked in. A shocked look then he was grinning. "Leave us." He dismissed Rhys, who gave him a look before obeying. He took off his jacket, leaving him in a dark tunic that made his eyes look brighter. He cocked his head when staring at you, then took a breath. The shadows seemed to summon around him, making him look even more intimidating than normal. They slunk around his ankles like a fog. Then they covered the walls of the room, blocking off the light from the window entirely. The relief in your mind was overwhelming. You choked out a sob, looking at him with wide eyes. The silence, the weight taken from your brain was like breathing for the first time. "H-how?" You panted, getting up from the bed. Sickness did not weigh you down any longer. The pounding ceased completely, alleviating your too warm temples. He came close to you, only too close because of the thin nightgown you wore. Really it was one of Cassian's old shirts that just fitted you like a dress. When you had taken his room due to your apparent illness you had found a few 'interesting' items of his that were left. "It seems your condition has...evolved since I saw you last." He reached a hand out to you, the siphons atop thrumming with a warm dark blue. You took it tentatively, your eyes slid shut -then there he was. His scent, his thoughts, his everything was in your mind. You scrambled away from it mentally, your heart slamming in your chest. He stroked a thumb over your hand. His mental voice was warm, yet rough and commanding. "Slow. Think, but slowly. I'm here, you're okay." The voice said. His darkness seemed to follow him to your mind, coating it in a coolness that was much appreciated. "What do I do? What am I?" You took a breath, trying to center yourself. Your entire being was roaring at you to fight back against the intrusion, but he shushed you into not trying it. "You...are new. You're like me, in a way." He whispered softly, his essence drifting over you comfortingly. Like a soft blanket, cold but still comforting. "How do I get it ito stop?" You sighed, wanting to bury your head in your hands again. He touched you then, slowly at first. Dragging a soft, textured hand up to your wrist, then pulling you in for a hug. His warmth was the opposite of everything else about him, those shadows did nothing against the core of him, his heat. "You dont, you learn how to make it work with you." He said aloud, his presence rolling out of your mind like a thundercloud. He pulled out of the embrace, "You need to make the thoughts blend like street noise- like a crowd. Learn to select what you want to hear. " "You make it sound so easy." You rolled your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest. Azriel may or may not have glanced at how it hitched up the oversized t shirt. Hunger opened up in the pit of his stomach at the filthy thoughts. He knew it was Cassian's shirt, recognized and scented it. It made him want to put his own scent on you in several different, creative ways. He cracked a grin and shrugged slightly, "It'll be like reading a new language. But you need to learn to speak it first." He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and lead you to the balcony, the shadows following you in a close bubble the whole way. "All these people have their thoughts, their words and actions. My shadows tell me all about their outfits, their scents, their hair. Unnecessary unless they have a weapon." He gestured to a few fae males outside a townhome a few houses down. One threw their arms up in the air and stormed back inside." I can't keep them from giving me this information, but I do let it go. I dont even listen unless I detect a threat." You let out a long breath, feeling the anxiety of him leaving already. "Please stay." His stomach dropped at the words. You grabbed for his hand. As if the open sky was demanding he take off that second. " I cant-" You kept your voice from trembling. "It's too much. Why me? Why now?" Tears threatened and you looked away. He couldnt bear to see you in such pain. He wanted - he needed to give you relief from it. He squared his shoulders and squeezed your hand back. "Are you afraid to fly?" he asked, flexing his wings. The shadows answered with their own wave. "I'm not the biggest fan-" Before you could give your list of excused you'd rather not fly, he was shooting into the air, the backs of your thighs rubbing over his deliciously warm skin. Your yelp of surprise was left behind you. You held on to his shoulders for dear life. "If you would open your eyes you might not be so scared." He laughed, his siphons glaring a bright shield around you that protected you from the wind. He flew fast, and far. His presence was the only one you felt, like a cool rain on your still reeling mind. He had sent Rhys an advisory thought before he took you, letting him know you needed some 'fun'. "If I open my eyes I'm going to vomit all over you." You said, squeezing your eyes tighter. You felt the laugh through his chest. His thumb circled the back of your knee, giving you goosebumps that had nothing to do with the slight chill running through the shield. The shirt was not nearly enough for an outing, and you doubted he was taking you anywhere with anyone who would mind. The thought sent a thrill through you. Alone. He wanted to be alone with you. As if in approval, his essence drifted happily into your mind, caressing you as his thumb did. He flew lower slowly, enjoying your scent mixed with the cool smell of the lake below. The way the sun at this angle made your hair shine. He landed softly, setting you down only after you'd made him promise you were no longer flying. "We're done...for now." He winked when you opened, marveling at his wind tosseld hair for a second before collecting yourself and brushing your shirt absently. He grinned wider, and the coolness you'd felt since he showed up in the town home receded. You felt...like you. Normal again, weightless in comparison after the weeks of buzzing in your head. And the view beyond his goofy grin was marvelous. A snowcapped mountain towered above, sloping to create the lake. Mixes of different rock lay everywhere. The scattered pines seemed like giants whispering in the breeze. "Listen to the birds, enjoy the silence for a while." He said, then began walking to the bank of the bright blue water. You stood in shock for a while, letting the sound of the wind and nothing else seep into you. You reveled in it, joying in the simplicity of it. Everything seemed so much louder than you remembered. You sat on a boulder and watched him skip rocks, the short splats of them echoing off the mountainside. He skipped one after another, occasionally picking up smaller ones and pocketing them. You let your mind wander, trying to regain the feeling he had shrouded you with in the townhome. The solid wall he had put up around your mind for you. But he had said you needed to learn to let it blend in, to deal with it and not shut it out. It was an asset, not a hinderance. You shuddered at using the gift for much. You didnt care to know peoples ins and outs in normal conversation, let alone without them knowing. You attempted to summon that wall. It was like grasping at water, thick and heavy and impossible. The lingering remnants of control slipped away like sand through your fingers. You buried your face in your hands, letting the tears fall. When he approached, you didn't bother hiding. He had been in your head, he knew what it was like. He said nothing, just wrapped an arm around you and let you cry into his shoulder. Holding you tighter on the bigger sobs that ripped out of you.

#azriel #azriel x reader #acotar #acotar fic #azriel fic

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geminimoonbeamx · 6 years

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In the Land of Gods and Monsters: Part Three

A/N: I really wanted to get across in this chapter that she knew. That she was aware of all of the warning signs, and that she ignored them and went ahead and fell in love with this man that she knew she shouldn’t anyways. There’s something so…cosmic with that, I feel. Like they just cant help themselves and it kills my ass and I want it to kill you guys too. So this is kind of like a filler chapter, but it’s important to the future of this story because it sets up that notion that she really cant feel bad for her self because THAT BITCH KNEW. SHE WAS TOLD. SHE WAS AWARE.

Word Count: 4K

Warnings: As with all of my stories there’s a permanent warning of cursing. I have a mouth like a sailor and express myself through the word fuck. Heavy mentions of Drug Use and Drug Addiction. Starting to stray into the NSFW realm, just heavy petting in this chapter but still. Mentions of Death(murder) of a parent.

Summary: You knew what you were getting yourself into when you met Bucky Barnes. He was a known wise guy. A feared mobster. Everyone in the neighborhood knew his name. Funny, in retrospect, you think that might have been why you couldn’t help but be drawn in like a moth to a flame. This first and foremost, is a love story. Blood stained and littered with bullet holes, but the story of how you fell in love with the man none the less. Mobster!BuckyxPlus Size Reader

All my friends tell me I should move on, I’m lying in the ocean singin’ your song- Dark Paradise, Lana Del Rey

-Past-

Problems with addiction ran in your family; you had an aunt who drank a half pint of vodka a day, a handful of junkie cousins, and a mom who had been in and out of rehab because of her love of prescription pills your entire life. The L/N’s liked their high’s. That was just the way you’d grown up. Even Grandma Viv loved her pot(she had a killer bong collection that would make even the biggest stoner gasp).

And you- you weren’t any different. You liked peaking; smoked weed regularly. Dabbled in coke, more so since you’d met Wanda, and other drugs. Nothing scarily hardcore, nothing in your veins. No needles. Even the words heroine and meth scared you shitless… but you enjoyed being high. Loved the rush of endorphins that came with it. Loved feeling…disconnected from everything bad, even if just for a minute.

Bucky Barnes was your new drug.

He made you feel so much better then anything else you’d ever tried did. He made your heart race and your brain fog over, made your stomach clench in anticipation and all of your inhibitions slip away. And you were starting to crave your fix, more and more. The two of you were together every moment you could be; when he wasn’t “working” and you weren’t helping out in the shop or hanging out with Wanda. It was almost ridiculous; you went at it like teenagers. The moment you were together, you couldn’t keep your hands off him, couldn’t help but revel in the kisses he showered you with. Kisses, and gifts.

You’d come to learn that Bucky was an old school kinda’ guy. He liked spending his money on you; “I’m just givin’ you what you deserve, baby” he’d reassure whenever you’d eye something suspiciously. The most you’d ever been given by a man before him was a headache and a box of chocolate they’d picked up at the local 7-11. And then here Bucky comes; drowning you in bouquets of flowers, taking you to the nicest restaurants. It was honestly all a whirlwind, the last month with him had been something out of a fever dream. More then you could have imagined-and sometimes more then you could make yourself believe, accept.

How was Bucky even real? He was almost perfect…almost.

Wanda continued to warn you, to ground you and remind you exactly what you were fucking with.

“He’s not perfect, Y/N. He’s been to fuckin’ prison before!”

She was…wary, of the relationship you seemed to be building with him. Not in that annoying, whiny way. Where she’d bitch at you constantly about breaking it off, but in a way where she had your back. Made sure you checked in with reality every once and a while.

And the reality of Bucky was that he was a gangster. His flashy car and nice apartment came from blood money. You weren’t ignorant to that, and he knew it. Of course you knew, he’d decided. You were best friends with Wanda- there was no way not to know.

It should have deterred you; knowing about the gambling and killing and crime. He was a dangerous man, you should have taken that in to consideration. And you did, sometimes. When you got a moment where your mind and body weren’t buzzing from his touch…

But mostly,

You just got high.

Like now; he had you pressed up against the side of Wanda’s house, the brick biting your bare shoulders a delicious contrast to the pleasure that came from his hands that were drifting under your top. His lips are pressed to your neck, sucking kisses into the skin there and you let out a breathy whimper when you feel him cup your breast through the thin lace of the bralette you wear, your hardened nipple scraping against his palm.

You and Bucky had messed around, a lot. He told you he couldn’t get enough of you, and he was constantly grabbing you. Turning you into a puddle of goo with his mouth and hands…but you hadn’t gone all the way yet. You were just…scared. That if you let him have that part of you, he might change. Change in the way he seemed you yearn for you.

And you weren’t quite ready for him to stop looking at you like you were Aphrodite reincarnated yet.

“Bucky-” You gasp, your hands that had been bracing themselves on his shoulders begin pushing at them, weakly “Stop, we have to stop”

“No!” you think he says, but it’s muffled by the mouthful of your skin. He nips at your plush flesh and you swear your eyes roll into the back of your head, your nails taloning through the material of his shirt.

Fuck, he just made you feel so good. Your hands travel from his shoulders, planning over the strong muscle, up his neck, making their way to tangle in his hair. You love messing up the pretty, styled locks. Running your fingers through his mane until it stuck up in disarray - you liked knowing you could get him here. Rowel him up this way.

“We’re gonna’ get caught. Wha-” your sentence is cut off by the hiss that leaves your throat as he squeezes your breast, tweaking the bud under your top “What if someone comes out?”

You and Bucky…hadn’t really made anything “official” yet. Another reason you were hesitant to sleep with him. He called you his doll, slung his arm around you and flirted openly with you in front of everyone. The two of you went on a handful of dates; you’d drug him to the museum and he’d taken you to all of his favorite restaurants, up and low scale, you’d even been to his apartment. But there hadn’t been that conversation yet. You know, the big important one. The ‘I want to be with you, and no one else, one.’

“I don’t fuckin’ care, let 'em” He pulls away from his assault on your neck to whisper in your ear, before giving it a wet, languid lick that had your knees shaking and your mouth seeking his needily. He happily obliged and slotted his to yours, the kiss deep from the get go.

See, the dilemma was; Bucky turned off your brain. You couldn’t think, logically, with him. Especially not with him kissing you. So you allow yourself to get lost in the kiss, in his touch. In his smell and the sweet taste of his tongue. Ignoring the fact that Wanda was waiting for you upstairs in her room. You’d told her you were going to take a call, and instead you were getting dry humped against the side of her home.

The Stark and Maximoff families were doing business, their partnership sold as of the moment. Which meant you we’re running into Bucky a whole lot lately. Not that either of you minded, it just made it easier to get sucked into his trap. Under his spell.

You tear your lips away, dragging your head to the side as he tries to recapture them “Wanda’s gonna’ be so pissed at me, I have to go back in”

He huffs out a whine and you smile at your work. For as much as he affected you, you knew(his reactions clear), that you affected him right back. “She’ll get over it. She get’s you all the time”

“Well she’s my best friend, so…” Your eyes trail away as you say it. Not looking at him, not wanting him to read the uncertainty in them.

“And what am I? Chopped liver?” He nuzzles your cheek, pressing a small kiss there. You know he had to be running your face makeup, as usual.

“I don’t know, Buck. You tell me” Your words were knife like and you could feel him hesitate. That just fueled you on though, your hands dropping from his hair.

Did he want to be with you or didn’t he. What the fuck was this?

Bucky wasn’t a stupid man, actually, one of the things you had learnt about him, first and fast, was how insanely smart he was. Like 'Good Will Hunting’ smart.

So of course he picked up on the change of the vibes, on your shifting mood. He just tries to push himself closer though, pressing you tighter to the brick, his body pinning yours even though you were staring to squirm.

“Baby doll…” He breathes, running his nose along your cheekbone and you just close your eyes and retreat from it “Don’t be like that”

“I’m not sure what it is you want from me”

He sighs, the hot air he exhales fanning across the side of your face “Whattya’ mean? I want you, I want you so bad-”

That’s not enough. It’s not enough for him to want you, your body. Not when you want so much more from him.

“I’ve gotta’ go back inside now, Bucky” You push him away, and he can tell your serious so he lets you out of his cage like arms.

“Y/N-”

“It’s fine” You’re re-arranging yourself. Smoothing your shirt back to its previous state and making sure your boobs weren’t popping out due to his ministrations .

“Talk to me then”

“I don’t have time right now”

That earns you another sigh and you look over to see him running his fingers through his hair, slicking it back. It wont exactly stick back into it’s style; into the neat way it had been before you’d messed it up.

Good, some vicious side of you acknowledges. He can’t fix what you’d messed up.

“What about later? We can go get somethin’ to eat”

You hate that you’re so petty sometimes. That because you were feeling insecure, you couldn’t stop yourself from being a bitch.

“I’ve got to work later”

“Baby” This isn’t pleading, this is strong. He’s demanding you, using that tone that you barley ever heard from him. It forces you to meet his eyes. “What’s wrong? I’m not gonna’ beg for you to fuckin’ talk to me when I don’t know what I did wrong, Y/N”

It really shouldn’t turn you on so much, that commanding, strong side of him. Because you knew this was the side that he used in his “work”. This was the Bucky that pepple whispered in fear about.

…And yet there you were, with wet panties.

It made your head spin. Your Bucky high could be too much sometimes…

“You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s fine”

“That’s bullshit”

“Y/N!” Wanda’s voice comes bellowing from somewhere out of sight and you’re happy for it because you didn’t know whether you were about to start an argument with him or let him fuck you against this wall.

His jaw tenses and un-tenses and its your turn to sigh, to reach out for him and run your hand along his arm as you leaned in.

“I’m fine, okay? I’m just- fuck. I’ll text you later okay?”

He doesn’t look convinced, and he’s still doing that jaw thing but he nods and you press a quick smooch to his lips before you step away from him, intent on hurrying back to Wanda because you knew she’d come looking.

You only get a couple steps away though, before you’re being yanked back, into his arms.

You giggle into his mouth as he kisses you, as his hands squeeze at your doughy hips for moment.

“You’d better text me later” He commands, but its playful and light, accentuated by a lick.

“I will” You promise and he glowers down at you so you give him one more peck, dragging his bottom lip out with your teeth as you pull back “I will”

And then you’re walking away, giving him a faint smile before rounding the corner of the house.

When you find Wanda(which is like a game of Where’s Waldo in this big ass fucking house), lounging against the railing of one of the balconies she has a smirk and a raised eyebrow waiting for you.

“Your hair is fucked” She informs you, before she takes a drag of her cigarette and you chuckle and give her a dry “thanks”

You go and lean next to her, not smoking yourself, but staying with her as she does. Raven, Step Mommy number six, had made the house a no smoking zone due to Wanda’s father’s ever worsening lungs. Wanda had of course been livid, but had agreed to light up outside. She hated Raven, but she loved her dad.

“That was a mighty long trip to the bathroom”

“That Mexican we had earlier didn’t agree with me?” You reply lamely, feebly lying and she just busts into laughter.

“Yeah right, you little hooker. I know Bucky had to come by for a drop off”

You shrug and turn so that you face her big back yard. You’re feeling very conflicted.

“Did something happen?” She’s so intuitive it’s like she’s reading your mind sometimes.

“No. Why?”

“Because you usually cant shut up about him” She retorts, turning too so that she’s facing the same direction as you. You snort. It’s pathetic, but it’s true.

“I just don’t know…you know?”

“No, I don’t know. Care to elaborate?” She pries, but she cares. So you don’t totally hate her for making you talk about feelings you couldn’t even comprehend yourself.

“It’s like he wants me, and I know that. But does he want to be with me? I mean you’ve told me about all the girls before and I totally fucking believe it. He’s like- ugh, Wanda. I feel like I’m being an idiot”

“What you need to be thinking about is if you want to be with him” Wanda starts, flicking the ash of her cigarette “It’s not like normal relationships, Y/N. Committing to a man from this life is hardcore. It’s not something you should do on a whim, because shit can hit the fan really fucking fast. If you two are together, like really together, and everyone knows about it- you become a weak spot”

Wanda seems to be fighting to keep herself calm and you feel bad. You hadn’t even really thought about this, about the harsh truth she was about to lay on you.

“And other families, other branches- like to exploit weak spots. You’d be in danger. Constantly. Your name would be connected to his. It happens all the time, someone wants to get back at someone else, they do it through their loved ones-”

It had happened to her. You knew very little about Wanda’s mother and her death. Only the bits that Pietro had reveled to you one drunken night- Wanda, herself, had never brought up the woman. You knew their father loved her, and you knew that she had taken a bullet that had been meant for him. It was sad, in an ironic way. Mr. Metals wife killed by metal.

“I’m not saying Bucky’s the greatest dude, and for all we know he could be talking to other girls, but I think this is the reason he’s being weird about being with you. You’re not an idiot- well I mean you are, for willingly involving yourself with him in the first place” You glare at her and she chuckles.

“But I mean these guys have wives and girlfriends all the time? What if it’s just…me” Your insecure mind forces your mouth to utter the words.

“What do you mean you?”

“I mean I’m obviously not a fucking super model- OW!” When Wanda throws her elbow, very hard you might add, into your boob you cut your sentence short.

“Shut. Up. You are gorgeous and you know it”

“You’re my friend, you have to say that” You continue in vain as you rub your now sore breast. Funny, it’s the one that Bucky had been playing with. Little guy was gettin’ a lot of attention today.

“I really don’t, and you know I wouldn’t if I didn’t think it was true” Honesty rings in her words and you know it to be true. Wanda could be a bitch, you could just picture her telling someone they needed to go powder their nose. She’d told a girl at a party that she should consider brushing her hair every once and a while.

“Y/N” She breaks you out of your silence, out of your thoughts and you turn to her. “You’re my best friend. My only friend, if we’re being real…so I’m going to tell you this, because I love you”

Oh no. You’re not sure you want to hear what she has to say but you stay quiet and brace yourself for it anyway.

“Falling in love with him is a bad idea-”

“I’m not!-”

“But you’re going to. I know it. So I’m telling you now, it’s a bad idea. It’s a truley shitty fucking idea. I love my father, I really do- but he’s a bad man. He does horrible things- daily! And Bucky’s the same”

Her words taste like poison, nothing like the honey sweet ones Bucky filled your mouth with. Her bitter clashed with his sweet and left you torn. You just nod, because you knew damn well she was right and lean into her, your head resting on her taller shoulder.

You don’t say anything, because what is there to say? You cant tell her that you were going to stop seeing him, because you both knew that wasn’t the truth…

“You lesbians want to smoke this blunt with me?” Pietro asks, joyously, obliviously, as he bounces out onto the balcony with the two of you. In his hands is a thick, already rolled weed-gar and on his face is an excited grin. He waggles his eyebrows at you and you cant help but laugh.

Leave it to him to break the tension, to raise the mood.

When it came to the twins; they really were night and day. Where Wanda was unapproachable and slightly antisocial- Pietro was loud and made friends with everyone he met. They balanced each other in a way that was almost unhealthy because you really couldn’t imagine one of them being able to survive without the other.

And so, you opted for a different kind of high. Trying not to think of Bucky as you faced the blunt with both twins. You didn’t know what kind of weed that was, but your completely, stupidly, fucking stoned for hours.

Even when you head into to the Bodega for your shift. Grandma Viv just shoots you one look and tells you to go put some eye drops in so you didn’t scare away her wholesome customers. Time seems to pass both too fast and too slow and you vow to yourself that you’re never smoking with the silver haired twin again because he had to have roofied you.

You’re finally coming down later that night, after a long shower. You’re clad in a matching pair of black pajama shorts and a tank top as you’re sprawled across your bed. It’s starting to get hot, summer time sweltering, and your window is cracked open because the air conditioner is on the fritz yet again and the maitnence man wasn’t going to come until the end of the week.

You grab your phone and scroll through the contacts.

And even though Wanda had warned you- even though you fucking knew what you were playing at, you texted Bucky.

-Hi. What are you up to?

His reply is fast, and unexpected.

-Come outside

That had you sitting up, fast, you’re eyes widening as you hurried to the window. He wasn’t serious- he couldn’t be.

And yet he was. His familiar car is parked in it’s usual spot a few cars past the Bodega…

“Fuck” You hiss as you run to the mirror and look yourself over. Your hair is wet from the shower still, and your face looks chubby and young and bare. You forsure hadn’t gotten to the “No Makeup” part of the relationship yet “Fuck, fuck, fuck”

Your phone buzzes again and you reach over to grab it

-C'mon doll, come outside

-Ur fucking insane you text back, fishing out a bra to throw on quickly under your tank top.

-I know. Hurry.

And so you slip on your furry slides and make your way outside. Your grandma had gone to sleep hours ago, after the store had closed, so you didn’t have to worry about her. You take the stairs down to the ground floor at an embarrassingly fast pace, almost tripping more then once.

God, you were running to him. Litterally. You’re acutely aware of how much of an idiot you are as you step out into the late night air.

He’s standing there, waiting for you outside of his car. A box of roses in his arms. You approach him hesitantly, spearing your lip between your teeth. He grins at you, the closer you get. His eyes drinking you in and you try in vain not to flush under that scrutiny.

“Hi” You say, as you close the gap. Til’ you’re standing right in front of him

“Hi” He breathes back “These are for you” he extends his arms, giving you the flowers that you’d envied on luckier girls social media’s for ages. You look down at them with big eyes. You’d never though anyone would get you something so beautiful…

“Bucky, you didn’t have to…”

“I wanted to”

“But-”

“I want you” He interrupts and your chest clenches and you feel like you need to shut your eyes. Straight to the point. He never seemed to bother with inbetweens. It was all or nothing with him, you’d guessed his severity had been picked up from his “job”.

“Bu-”

“I want us to be together. I do, you know that, right? That’s what earlier was about?”

When you don’t reply his hands grab at you, pulling you by you hips until your bodies are pressed flush against each other- well they would be, if you didn’t hold the box of roses between you like a protective barrier. You cant seem to properly function. So you just grip the flowers, tight.

“My life is messy though, and I don’t want that for you”

“So you want to be with me, but you don’t?” You glare up at him suspiciously.

“No- I just want to be with you. That’s all” He assures, as thought it’s the simplest thing in the world.

“But you just said-”

“I know. And I’ve been thinking that since our first date because, shit, Y/N, I’ve wanted to be with you since then. I don’t want you gettin’ caught up in the cross hairs of all my…shit. But you’re already best friends with Wanda so I figured…screw it. I want to be selfish with you, because I fucking love the way I feel when I’m around you”

You are SCREAMING.

On the inside of course.

Your heart literally feels like it’s going to beat out of your chest, like you’re about to start throwing palpitations.

“Just me. No one else?”

He shakes his head vehemently “No one else. Fuck. Is that what you were worried about?”

You don’t answer that, just purse your lips. He takes the roses gently from your arms so that he can place them on the hood of his car. Pulling you close then, once the protective barrier is gone- his body heat plus the early summer air has you sweltering.

“I haven’t been with anyone since we started datin’, Y/N. I promise. And even before that- well none of the women I’ve been with have mattered in a long time”

“That’s horrible” You sniffle into his chest, ever the feminist. You can feel his chest vibrate with laughter.

“I know. I’m not the greatest guy…do you want to be with me, baby girl? I’d understand if you didn’t. It would hurt like a son'uva bitch, I’m not gonna like to ya’, but I’d understand” He soothes as his leather gloved hand rubs circle on your back, playing with the ends of your wet hair.

“I do” You tell him, strongly, pulling away so he can see your face. So he can see how serious you were.

You shouldn’t.

You know that.

But you do, it’s all you want.

When his lips press to yours, in a kiss that’s sweet and passionate and full of something…different, you know you’re fucked.

That’s the thing, you always knew with Bucky.

You hoped for the best.

But you knew, that most likely, this would end in flames. And you’d walked into them with a smile on your face.

@buchonians @geekyweed @kelly96q @missrobyn81 @iamwarrenspeace @docharleythegeekqueen @beccavesper @buckysforeverprincess @yslbucky @plumfondler @prettybubblesintheair @4theluvofall @huntressxtimelady @curiositywillbeethedeathofmee @welcometothelordsden @jacks-on-krack @peacefulwriter88 @thejenniferincident @nopevilleluas @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @eshia16 @shayla-markele @xotaku-baekx @rcsgcld @ruffdog921 @manlyflower @my-anxious-world

This story is already absolutely painful to write- just because I’ve already written up the outline for it. I know exactly how this is going to end up and it’s like…fuck. Why? Why lord? Next chapter will flash forward to the present and connect back with the Intro.

So yes, Y/N is a confident plus size woman, but she is also a human being. And self doubt is a very prominent human emotion. And I mean come ON, if you were dealing with a guy like Bucky you’d have some questions for yourself too.

Do you guys love Wanda as much as I do? LMFAO I think she’s my favorite character to write.

I’m all but pouring my soul into this story and I really hope you guys can feel that, and enjoy reading it. Let me know! Leave me some love, ya’ll know I’m a slut for comments. I love you guys times a billion. Oh, and ps I'm on winter break so expect a few more updates this week if I get some juicy comments!💛

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sicklylittlesnowflake · 7 years

Note

“You could never be a burden, [Keith], when all I’ve wanted to do is care for you.” Klance with Keith being stubborn idiot not wanting to burden Lance. Thank you!!! :)

(Ooh my first sick keef fic!!! Also anon when u said stubborn idiot I really did give u a stubborn idiot lol..also this is short for now while I try to get back into the swing of things!!)

Keith could not have had a worse day.

He feels like the whole world, an entire galaxy, the entire universe is on his shoulders, and it’s so so heavy and weighing down on him. Keith doesn’t think he’s strong enough. He can feel it tip, tilting and about to fall away. Because he’s not strong enough.

Keith doesn’t want to be a leader, he never asked for this. He finds it hard to connect with other people and downright just speak to them, let alone lead them to protect the entire universe.

He is beyond stressed, losing himself within the depths of his own mind as he desperately tries to calculate and process this all. In the process he just loses himself, detached from his own body as he floats away from everyone else.

In the midst of his haze he hasn’t even realised that somewhere in the middle of all of this, he’s gotten sick.

Keith doesn’t get sick very often, he’s had a strong immune system all his life, but he’s still (half) human, so naturally, he gets sick. Especially when the universe throws this overwhelming duty upon him that he has no interest in bestowing. He feels a little woozy, a bit off and there’s a tiredness looming over his entire body that weighs him down. He feels heavy and warm in the most draining way, and also feeling so bitterly cold it nips at him, leaving his body trembling.

Keith only realises he’s sick as he fails to dodge a shot from one of Lotor’s goons at the Black Lion. He groans in frustration, wondering why he wasn’t in his A game, why he couldn’t just snap out of it, and it finally hits him.

As the beam of light hits black, his head overlords with sensory stimuli and it pierces deep into his head. Keith grunts in pain, teeth clenched as his headache intensifies. He winces as the light blinds him, and Black slows down. A wave of nausea hits him and he is rendered useless for the next few moments, and that is a big enough window of time for Lotor and his goons to disappear into the fog.

“Keith? You alright?”

Keith hisses in frustration, his grip on his controls tightening in anger as he realises his mistake.

“I’m fine, Lance! We’ve lost Lotor, c'mon, we’ve got to go after him!”

“Uh, Keith? I’m detecting some sort of unknown elements in the fog and I really don’t think it’s a good idea!” Hunk warns worriedly.

“We’re fine,” Keith hisses, his headache probing at him repeatedly and blazing with fury. Lotor is not going to get away, no one else is going to get hurt, he’s going to end this once and for all. He is not going to fail. He won’t let anyone down. Not anymore.

He charges Black forward at maximum speed, making a beeline for the dog where Lotor disappeared. He’s shaking, and he doesn’t know if that’s his fever or if that’s the adrenaline pumping through his body. He can feel his heart racing and pumping blood into his veins, his headache reaches a blinding peak, and all he can see is forward.

“Keith! Don’t do this!” He can hear Lance yell.

Keith charges on, he keeps heading towards the fog until it engulfs him completely.

“Keith, stop it! STOP! KEITH!!”

Then everything stops all at once.

Everything goes numb and everything is so light. Black tilts, and everything goes silent as she begins to free fall towards the ground. She’s losing strength, and everything is so hauntingly peaceful and quiet that Keith cant feel anything. He’s falling into a void, a vacuum, the epitome of a nihilistic state.

He’s falling.

Falling into nothingness. It’s hauntingly beautiful, this way. Keith would take feeling nothing over everything. Because prior to this Keith could feel everything and it was too much.

It’s peaceful as he falls.

He can faintly hear distressed yelling and Keith is so feverish he’s not even sure if it’s real. He doesn’t know what’s real anymore, if he is. He can only feel the lightness of his fall, the fear ablaze in his heart mixed eerily with a ominous sense of calm. A strange acceptance.

Then suddenly he feels a violent crash, a flash of red colliding into him and pushing him into a cliff, breaking his fall.

Keith gasps at the sudden change in atmosphere and braces himself for the impact as Black scrapes against the rocky surface. He opens his eyes when he believes the worst of it is over and gasps to see the Red Lion drop and lose function. Black goes offline shortly after.

Red then opens up and Lance comes running out, red faced and eyes wild with fear and worry.

“Keith!” Lance screams worriedly, running towards Black.

Keith hisses in pain, unable to help the strangled whimper that escapes his throat as his headache reaches a blinding peak. He bangs his head against the control panel, gritting his teeth. He’s not sure if it’s out of frustration at the pain he’s feeling or having burdened and let down Lance like this. He can’t burden Lance anymore than he already is.

Keith picks himself up off of the chair and staggers out of the Lion, trying to seem as normal and not in pain as he could. When he meets Lance’s eyes he sees that they are wild and blazing with worry.

A pang of guilt and resentment for himself shoots throughout Keith’s body, realising what he had just done. He had failed again, he let everyone down. Keith wasn’t good enough.

“Keith! What was that?!” Lance exclaims worriedly as he runs towards him. Keith’s fever somehow makes him misinterpret Lance’s genuine concern with belittlement.

“I know I messed up, Lance!” Keith hisses defensively, pushing Lance away when he gets close to him.

Lance’s face falls, and his eyes go dark and his open arms drop to his sides as he freezes. Keith hates the way the light in Lance’s eyes flicker dangerously and how his bottom lip is slightly quivering.

But Lance picks himself before he can fall apart and he’s tensing up defensively. He straightens and tries to look stronger and put together but Lance can’t find the way his hands still shake from Keith.

“I was just worried for you, Keith, forgive me for trying to look out for you,” Lance grunts defensively as he backs away from Keith and tears his gaze off of him. Lance starts to look everywhere but Keith’s eyes and slumps down on the ground, crossing his arms.

Keith feels awfully guilty, but he needs to stay cold so he can’t burden Lance with this illness, “You can’t just sit there.”

Lance huffs, “Well, what do you want me to do, mullet? Our lions are both clearly offline and we can either wait for the others to find us or wait til’ they come back online. Sitting here is all I can do.”

Keith sighs and feels an overwhelming wave of exhaustion hit him. He’s far too tired to deal with any of this, and he sits down next to Lance in defeat. He keeps his distance though, he’s feverish and sick but he has his pride.

His shoulders slump lifelessly as his hair falls over his face, his body trembling with chills. Keith’s eyes feel heavy, drooping and yearning for sleep. He feels unbelievably weak, like there’s a huge weight weighing down on him. Like this responsibility is whats making him sick in the first place.

Keith’s body trembles, and lets out a series of soft, but congested little coughs into his shoulder. His chest feels sore and achy as he coughs. They have a hoarse, barking timbre to it and it leaves a soreness behind in his chest and leaving him more exhausted than he is. Keith brings his knees up and hugs them to try and warm himself up, anchoring to himself in fear that his body would fail on him and collapse if he let go.

“That was really stupid,” Lance says suddenly, Keith doesn’t even know if Lance is speaking to him, his voice low and dull. He doesn’t look at him when he speaks.

“Yeah yeah, I get it Lance, I know I screwed up. Hell, I don’t even know where the others are, and this is all because I made a bad call, I’m sorry okay?!” Keith exclaims, but he’s strained and exhausted. He’s too empty and weak to fight anymore.

“I’m not talking about that. And the others are fine,” Lance says tiredly.

Keith doesn’t respond, mostly because his brain can’t compute anything and he’s far too tired and exhausted. He just wants to sleep. He shudders, an itch blossoming in his sinuses that rip out a throaty sneeze out of him, which he barely covers with his elbow.

Lance is suddenly alarmed, turning his head to view his state and his eyes widen.

“Jesus, Keith, you’re shivering. You need to go back inside–”

Keith can’t handle this, he’s in so much pain and he feels so guilty, he feels so sick and weak and exhausted and he doesn’t want any of this. His brain is overloading and he’s so overwhelmed, his breathing picks up slightly as tears begin to prick at his eyes. He can’t do this anymore.

“Why do you even care, Lance?! Since when do you care?!” Keith hisses bitterly, and his words stab icy daggers into Lance’s heart because Keith can see it happen. He’s such a fuck up. He can’t do anything right.

“Since when, Keith?! Since when?! In case you didn’t know I came after you when you fell into the fog! I came after you when everyone was yelling it was too dangerous because I care, Keith! I care!” Lance yells, clearly very upset. Tears prick his eyes, and the volume is too much for Keith’s sickened mind. It’s all too much.

“I’m so upset that you would even go so far as to imply that I don’t! I came after you because I made a promise to myself to do whatever it takes to keep you safe, because I care, dammit!” Lance cries, a few tears spilling from his eyes. He aggressively wipes them off of his face and turns away from Keith again, seething in anger and betrayal, breathing heavily.

Keith can’t compute this.

His head hurts so so much, he feels so sick and weak, and the whole world is spinning. It’s spinning too fast and Keith can’t keep up. He’s overwhelmed by the prospect of being taken care of, when he’s spent so many years alone he’s forgotten that he’s a person who can be cared for. He was so sure that no one would ever care for him and Lance was turning everything around, making him reevaluate the safe thick walls he’s built for himself.

He can’t take it.

Keith bursts into tears, his entire body racked with sobs. His body convulses as strangled sobs tear their way out of Keith’s threat. He buries his face in his hands as the tears spill from his face and into his hands.

“Keith?!”

Lance inches closer to Keith, and he reaches out to hold him but hesitates.

“Can I..?”

“Please,” Keith cries out, reaching out for Lance desperately. He needs this. He’s been so alone for so long he just needs someone to tell him it’s going to be alright.

Lance is at his side in an instant, taking Keith into his arms and letting Keith bury his head into chest. He embraces him with so much love and care, whatever it takes to make this all stop. Lance can’t take this. He rubs his back soothingly, kissing the top of Keith’s head. Lance hesitates for a moment.

“..Keith..you’re sick,” He realises, as he feels the heat pouring off of the boy.

“I’m sorry Lance, I don’t want to burden you, I’m so sorry I got us into this mess,” Keith cries.

“We can fix it, it’s okay, Keith. And you’re not a burden, if you’re a burden, what am I?” Lance says without a thought, and suddenly they’re both freezing up as they both realise the weight of what was just said.

The silence is agonising.

“…We’re both pretty screwed up, huh?” Keith finally says.

Lance manages a shaky chuckle at that, “..Yup. But Keith..I’m so sorry I blew up at you like that..I didn’t know you were sick..”

Keith lets out a shaky exhale as he tries and regain his composure, “..I’m sorry too..I just..short circuit when people care about me..ask Shiro when he comes back..I just..i’m not used to it, and it’s..just too much for me.”

Lance sighs softly and tightens his embrace, “You’re going to have to get used to it then, because I’m going to make it my life mission to make sure you are filled with so much care every day. I care about you so much Keith, and I hope you know this.”

“I don’t want to be a burden,” Keith whispers, voice cracking.

“You could never be a burden, Keith, when all I’ve wanted to do is care for you.” Lance whispers lovingly, nuzzling his nose into Keith’s soft hair.

Keith relaxed under his warm, loving embrace. He felt safe right here in his arms, and the world which seemed so big just moments ago suddenly seemed very small in Lance’s arms. Maybe it was because Lance was all he could see now, and that was a world Keith certainly did not mind living in.

"You’re going to be okay, Keith, I promise you once we get back I’ll take care of you. I’ll do it right, and I’ll make you sure you’re never alone ever again,” Lance promises softly.

Keith can only nod, he doesn’t know how much time has passed because with Lance all time seems to stop but the lights of a familiar Yellow Lion near them and he couldn’t help but sink further into Lance’s arms knowing that they would be just okay.

With Lance beside him the weight of the universe lifted off of his shoulders and he felt a lot lighter with Lance sharing it with him. Lance was someone Keith didn’t really mind sharing the universe with.

He was much stronger with him by his side. Lance kept him grounded, holding him steady and this time Keith was sure he wasn’t float away.

#keith kogane #lance mcclain #klance #klangst #voltron #whump #vld #voltron legendary defender #vld keith #vld lance #laith #sickfic #fever #hurt/comfort #prompts #hunk garrett #prince lotor

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