#i swear that my starting this show will not interfere with death and destiny

[writingaboutdreams]

His Gift Part 6

A/N = Look at that another part, with actual plot. With us finally seeing Death and getting Morpheus actually trying. Thanks to everyone who has been giving all the previous parts so much love, i really appreciate it. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter so yeah thanks.

Warnings = 18+, minors do not interact, swearing, dark!morpheus

Hands pressed against her skin, Morpheus can feel how fast her heart is beating. He can see the fear hiding behind the fury in her eyes. It makes his heart twist and ache. The joy he had felt when he realised she had felt the pull of the bond had been contorted into an hideous anger at her words.

Not just at her open rejection of their bond but her rejection of him. The way she spoke, loathing dripping off of every word. He felt the urge to kiss her, to silence her ugly words. To make her see his love for her. To make her crave his touch and beg for more. To show her their destiny. But he forced himself back. Knowing despite what he wanted it would only make things worse. He disappeared in a swirl of sand retreating into another part of the palace.

He found himself in his throne room. His eyes moved around the room as he slumped on the steps. The palace had been restored to what it was before. As if he had never left. But yet he couldn’t take any pride in it. Not when the one person who he wanted to enjoy it with could barely stand to look at him.

Who was she to deny him, to deny what they were meant to be . The darker part of his mind whispers. To reject his love, to reject the connection between them. He would make her see, force her to understand if he had to. It purred. What was a mortal against him, against an endless.

“Matthew said I would find you here,” Morpheus glanced over to the middle of the room. He saw his sister, standing with her hands in her pockets. “Enjoying your moping session are we?”

“ I am not moping ,” he mutters. Standing from the stairs to approach Death. “ What brings you here my sister .”

“Y/n,” her voice is soft and placating but he hardens his gaze.

“ I warn you sister you have no right to interfere, she is mine ,” the thought of his sister stepping between them, removing Y/n from the dreaming. It frees something dark within him.

“Wow, I wonder why she hasn’t fallen for your charm,” Death tilts her head before continuing, “I am not here to interfere Dream. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

He relaxes slightly at that, “ Then why have you come? ”

“I am here to help you little brother.” “ I have no need for your help ,” he growls.

“Really? Because, to me, it looks like you rushed into things again.”

“ I had no other choice. ”

“Oh cut the crap, just because you can’t handle your jealousy does not mean you had to,” Death says bluntly. “When will you learn to stop messing up the basic foundations of a relationship?” Morpheus remains silent, unable to argue with her observations.

Death sighs, hand reaching out and touching his shoulder. “You have been away a long time, dating customs have changed. People like to know the person before they go confessing their eternal love and devotion.”

“ She is my soulmate, we are bound to each other. Matched in every way- ”

“And that means absolutely nothing to her! She’s mortal, a couple days ago she was living a normal life. Now she’s learning that not only are they anthropomorphic representations of human concepts but one of them is in love with her for some reason.”

“ Not just some reason, she is- ”

“If you say soulmate one more time I will be forced to slap sense into you,” she takes in a deep breath, “I know it goes against every instinct in your endless body but you need to go slow. Start small, get to know her, let her know you, make her like you and then try to court her.”

Morpheus moves away from Death, his voice quiet “ I fear it is too late for that, she loathes the sight of me. ”

“Well threatening a woman isn’t exactly conducive to a good relationship.”

“ I am trying but when she rejects our bond it is like I cannot control myself ,” Morpheus sighs, “ Everytime i try I seem to only make things worse. ”

Death smiles sympathetically “You need to stop seeing it as rejection. She’s confused and scared, she doesn’t understand. You need to be gentle, show her your hidden softer side.”

“ I do not have- ”

“You absolutely do have one, don't try and deny it.” Morpheus huffs at that and Death smiles. They sit in silence for a couple minutes before Morpheus finds the courage to say what has been on his mind, “ What if she always hates me? ”

“You said it yourself, she’s your soulmate. It’s your destiny to be in love with each other.”

Y/n forces herself to stand up. She needs to leave this room, as much as she just wants to climb back into bed and pretend this all isn’t happening. Walking along the corridors she realises she’s completely lost. Fucks sake all she wants to do is sleep in her bed. She stops mid step as she realises she just called it her bed . Fuck she really needs to get out of here. Turning around a corner she sees several doors. Opening one at random she finds…her bedroom.

She steps inside suspiciously. Half expecting Morpheus to be lurking around a corner. Instead she finds it empty, well almost empty.

“Finally I was wondering when you would show up,” Matthew caws moving from the balcony to the dresser.

“Did Morpheus send you to spy on me.”

“What? No, I just thought I'd see how you were doing. Sheesh.”

She sighs, “Sorry it’s just, it’s been a rough morning.”

“It’s okay, I understand. I mean I woke up one day to find I'd died in my sleep and I’m now a raven serving the personification of dreams.”

“I don’t even know how to react to that.”

“A laugh maybe.”

“I don’t even know if I can laugh right now.”

“Things will get better, I know he seems like a jerk but he’s really nice if you give him a chance. Well maybe not really nice …”

Y/n wants to argue back. To say she doesn’t intend to be here long enough to give him a chance. But she doesn’t get to before there is a knock at her door. Clearing her throat she calls out, “Come in.”

The door opens to reveal Morpheus and Y/n shuffles awkwardly. “ Hello, may I speak with you? ” Cautiously Y/n nods and he moves further into the room.

“I’ll just give you two some space,” Matthew breaks the silence awkwardly before flying back out the balcony.

“Come to threaten me some more?”

Morpheus takes a small step towards her, she can’t help but observe how uncomfortable he looks. She uncrosses her arms. “ I came to apologise, ” the words sound foreign in his voice.

“ I am not apologising for comforting you last night. I will never allow you to be in that level of distress, ” she scoffs but he continues, “ The way i reacted this morning was wrong. I never meant to make you feel uncomfortable or taken advantage of. I should have…understood why you reacted the way you did. My behaviour was abhorrent. I can only reassure you that I will try better in the future and ask for your forgiveness. ”

The anger that she had been holding on to slips away. Not completely but it becomes smaller. He stands with his arms by his side, as if he was wishing to be anywhere else. She swallows down the instinct to insult or shout at him. She needs to be smart now. If she ever wants any hope of getting out of here she has to learn more before she can make a plan. Her best chance of doing that is standing in front of her.

Taking a deep breath she speaks, “I also apologise for my reaction this morning, I was knocked off balance and I went on the defence. I’m not excusing what you did-”

“ I do not expect you to. ”

“But I wasn't blameless,” she sighs, taking the smallest step towards him. “I still think you were wrong for taking me but if i’m going to be here then at the very least we should be civil.”

He smiles at that, his eyes seem to lighten up. She feels a smudge of guilt before she pushes it down. She watches as he leans towards her slightly. As if he wants to wrap his arms around her but is fighting the urge. “ A truce? ” His voice is hopeful.

“A truce,” she holds out her hand before she can think better of it.

His hand is warm and his grip is firm. As soon as they make contact she remembers the feeling from last night. His strong hands wrapped around her. She remembers the strength as they held her up against the wall that night at the club. How smooth they felt and how her skin burned for more contact. She drops his hand but fights the urge to stand back.

She sees Morpheus is not unaffected. He’s breathing harder, his eyes are so dilated they remind her of a clear pitch black sky. His hand stays where it is for a few moments before it falls back to his side.

“ I would like to have dinner with you tonight, if you would be amenable? ”

She steels herself, “I think I could do that.”

He smiles again and it makes her heart ache. “ If you need anything from me before then you need only ask Y/n, ” it’s the first time he’s used her name instead of love or my heart. It’s almost worse. Hearing it in his smooth, rich voice. The way he says it is if it was something holy or precious.

He turns to leave and Y/n feels the urge to do more. Before she can think of a better idea she just blurts it out, “Jeans.”

He turns, eyebrow lifted and clearly confused, “ Jeans? ”

“It’s just you didn’t give me any. The dresses and skirts are lovely but I just wonder if I could get a few pairs.” “ Of course, ” he waves a hand and a pile of jeans appear on top of the dresser. There’s a range of different colours and styles.

“Thank you,” her voice is stilted but he nods. Once he leaves she lets out a breath. Somehow she feels more exhausted, which she didn’t know was possible. A part of her feels angry, as if she’s giving in. Letting him win. But she knows she has to be smart about this. She moves over to the dresser. Examining the different jeans and unintentionally allowing a small smile to creep on her face.

Walking out of her room is the hardest thing Morpheus has had to do. He almost couldn’t believe it. She had forgiven him, touched him voluntarily, and agreed to dinner. It was better than he hoped for.

He glimpsed down at his hand. His palm still tingled. The contact had been brief but the bond had been open. He had felt her emotions. There was hesitation in it but also a rush of lust that had been unexpected. And her voice as she asked him for such a simple request. As if she was afraid he would say no. Like he could deny her anything. He had wanted to take her in his arms, to destroy any doubt of his devotion to her. But he had restrained himself. Moving back to his room he made plans for dinner.

Taglist = @sidekickforlife @cynic-spirit @musemaniac42 @secretdreamlandmentality @supermegapauselouca @ultimatreality @one-loud-mind

#morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader

[illest-stan]

U destroyed me from the inside out. Yet all I can do is think about you. Do you ever think about the things you've put me through, or is your ego really that blinding that you truly believe I'm the only one who has done wrong. I picked up my broken pieces by myself just to mend yours back together. I sit here night after night thinking about the rumors you believe and wonder how someone who claimed they loved me could seriously think I would be so evil. My mind, body, and soul weren't who I really was when you first experienced me, so I decided to work on myself because I knew you were someone I wanted to put in effort for. I thought we had moved on because of the words you expressed to me, only to find out nothing you were relaying was true. It's hard to understand how you think I am the liar. My mental illness started to act up so I decided to move out because you kept talking about needing space, but with that space you filled it with drugs and money instead of growth. I clung on to your soul as tightly as I could, praying to a god that I don't believe in to please bring you back to me. Bring me the man I know, the man who is mine and mine only. I prayed to anything that would listen. But you kept slipping further and further from my grasp, and I started to see the harsh reality of someone who was never mine to begin with. The pain of realizing I'd never be loved by you the way you promised was worse than that of even the death of my own grandmother and best friend. They say with my condition we feel emotional turmoil like a 2nd degree burn patient with burns covering 90% of their body, but this pain I could swear had every inch of my flesh scorched to the bone, till there was nothing left to do but disintegrate. I had nothing left to do, to say, to try. The only thing I could, the only thing that my inner child was screaming out for was to numb it all. "Please make it fucking stop", were the only words my body could ever make out from my soul because my heart couldn't stop weeping. So Instead of kissing your lips to finally feel peace, I kissed the tip of any bottle I could get my hands on, until there was nothing left. I finally could get some sleep because the crying and the liquor mixed together like NyQuil and it seemed like my favorite remedy until the sun would rise and the light would pierce my eyes and I would have to go through the same cycle of agonizing pain all over again. I had done this for months, 7 to be exact. You would show up sometimes, mean, disconnected, malnourished, but your presence was the only thing I craved so I took what I could get. Giving me the euphoria I so desperately needed and then you would disappear again only for my days to drowned into eachother again. Tragedy struck finally and the very thing I prayed for not to happen, did. Like it was some inevitable destiny that not even the gods could interfere with. I started to never see you again. Never feel you again. Now I was a junkie, looking for my fix, ready to expierence you anyway you would allow me to, and everyone around didn't recognize me anymore. And I didn't recognize you. Then I was left with the only question I had left, how can you say I did not love you?

///Spz\\\

[botanicallyinclinednerd]

So I didn't manage to resist the temptation of starting a new show. I am currently halfway through s1 of The Musketeers and I'm going a bit feral over the brotherhood they have. This. This is what I thought I was going to get in Merlin with the knights. Literally episode one these motherfuckers are fucking shit up and raining hell down in order to save one of their own. There's no build up to the bond, the bond is there from the start and it is the definition of found family. I love it.

#liv talks #liv watches shit #the musketeers #merlin #i swear that my starting this show will not interfere with death and destiny #i will finish it i stg #also on a note of the musketeers: santiago cabrera is incredibly hot in this show. like hes super adorable/cute in merlin #but in musketeers as aramis? holy shit. the mustache and the pronounced feral bastard energy while being caring and protective? #*swoons* #also d'artagnan is so pretty hes another one thats super attractive but more in an adorable manner #also constance? HOT #this cast is doing a wonderful job of reminding me im bi

[armageddon-generation]

Articulating Why His Dark Materials is Badly Written

A long essay-thing with lots of specific examples and explanations of why I feel this way. Hopefully I’ve kept fanboy bitching to a minimum.

This isn’t an attack on fans of the show, nor a personal attack on Jack Thorne. I’m not looking to ruin anyone’s enjoyment of the show, I just needed to properly articulate, with examples, why I struggle with it. I read and love the books and that colours my view, but I believe that HDM isn’t just a clumsy, at-best-functional, sometimes incompetent adaptation, it’s a bad TV show separate from its source material. The show is the blandest, least interesting and least engaging version of itself it could be.

His Dark Materials has gorgeous production design and phenomenal visual effects. It's well-acted. The score is great. But my god is it badly written. Jack Thorne writing the entire first season damned the show. There was no-one to balance out his flaws and biases. Thorne is checking off a list of plot-points, so concerned with manoeuvring the audience through the story he forgets to invest us in it. The scripts are mechanical, empty, flat.

Watching HDM feels like an impassioned fan earnestly lecturing you on why the books are so good- (Look! It's got other worlds and religious allegory and this character Lyra is really, really important I swear. Isn't Mrs Coulter crazy? The Gyptians are my favourites.) rather than someone telling the story naturally.

My problems fall into 5 main categories:

Exposition- An unwillingness to meaningfully expand the source material for a visual medium means Thorne tells and doesn't show crucial plot-points. He then repeats the same thing multiple times because he doesn't trust his audience

Pacing- By stretching out the books and not trusting his audience Thorne dedicates entire scenes to one piece of information and repeats himself constantly (see: the Witches' repetition of the prophecy in S2).

Narrative priorities- Thorne prioritises human drama over fantasy. This makes sense budgetarily, but leads to barely-present Daemons, the Gyptians taking up too much screentime, rushed/badly written Witches (superpowers, exposition) and Bears (armourless bear fight), and a Lyra more focused on familial angst than the joy of discovery

Tension and Mystery- because HDM is in such a hurry to set up its endgame it gives you the answers to S1's biggest mysteries immediately- other worlds, Lyra's parents, what happens to the kids etc. This makes the show less engaging and feel like it's playing catch-up to the audience, not the other way around.

Tonal Inconsistency- HDM tries to be a slow-paced, grounded, adult drama, but its blunt, simplistic dialogue and storytelling methods treat the audience like children that need to be lectured.

MYSTERY, SUSPENSE AND INTRIGUE

The show undercuts all the books’ biggest mysteries. Mrs Coulter is set up as a villain before we meet her, other worlds are revealed in 1x2, Lyra's parents by 1x3, what the Magesterium do to kids is spelled out long before Lyra finds Billy (1x2). I understand not wanting to lose new viewers, but neutering every mystery kills momentum and makes the show much less engaging.

This extends to worldbuilding. The text before 1x1 explains both Daemons and Lyra's destiny before we meet her. Instead of encouraging us to engage with the world and ask questions, we're given all the answers up front and told to sit back and let ourselves be spoon-fed. The viewer is never an active participant, never encouraged to theorise or wonder

 Intrigue motivated you to engage with Pullman's philosophical themes and concepts. Without it, HDM feels like a lecture, a theme park ride and not a journey.

The only one of S1's mysteries left undiminished is 'what is Dust?', which won't be properly answered until S3, and that answer is super conceptual and therefore hard to make dramatically satisfying

TONAL INCONSISTENCY

HDM billed itself as a HBO-level drama, and was advertised as a GoT inheritor. It takes itself very seriously- the few attempts at humour are stilted and out of place

The production design is deliberately subdued, most notably choosing a mid-twentieth century aesthetic for Lyra’s world over the late-Victorian of the books or steampunk of the movie. The colour grading would be appropriate for a serious adult drama. 

Reviewers have said this stops the show feeling as fantastical as it should. It also makes Lyra’s world less distinct from our own. 

Most importantly, minimising the wondrous fantasy of S1 neuters its contrast with the escalating thematic darkness of the finale (from 1x5 onwards), and the impact of Roger’s death. Pullman's books are an adult story told through the eyes of a child. Lyra’s innocence and naivety in the first book is the most important journey of the trilogy. Instead, the show starts serious and thematically heavy (we’re told Lyra has world-saving importance before we even meet her) and stays that way.

Contrasting the serious tone, grounded design and poe-faced characters, the dialogue is written to cater to children. It’s horrendously blunt and pulls you out of scenes. Subtext is obliterated at every opportunity. Even in the most recent episode, 2x7, Pan asks Lyra ‘do you think you’re changing because of Will?’

I cannot understate how on the nose this line is, and how much it undercuts the themes of the final book. Instead of even a meaningful shot of Lyra looking at Will, the show treats the audience like complete idiots. 

So, HDM looks and advertises itself like an adult drama and is desperate to be taken seriously by wearing its big themes on its sleeve from the start instead of letting them evolve naturally out of subtext like the books, and dedicating lots of scenes to Mrs Coulter's self-abuse 

At the same time its dialogue and character writing is comparable to the Star Wars prequels, more childish than media aimed at a similar audience - Harry Potter, Doctor Who, Avatar the Last Airbender etc

DAEMONS

The show gives itself a safety net by explaining Daemons in an opening text-crawl, and so spends less time showing the mechanics of the Daemon-human bond. On the HDM subreddit, I’ve seen multiple people get to 1x5 or 6, and then come to reddit asking basic questions like ‘why do only some people have Daemons?’ or ‘Why are Daemons so important?’.

It’s not that the show didn’t answer these questions; it was in the opening text-crawl. It’s just the show thinks telling you is enough and never shows evidence to back that up. Watching a TV show you remember what you’re shown much easier than what you’re told 

The emotional core of Northern Lights is the relationship between Lyra and Pan. The emotional core of HDM S1 is the relationship between Lyra and Mrs Coulter. This wouldn't be bad- it's a fascinating dynamic Ruth plays wonderfully- if it didn't override the Daemons

Daemons are only onscreen when they serve a narrative purpose. Thorne justifies this because the books only describe Daemons when they tell us about their human. On the page your brain fills the Daemons in. This doesn't work on-screen; you cannot suspend your disbelief when their absence is staring you in the face

Thorne clarified the number of Daemons as not just budgetary, but a conscious creative choice to avoid onscreen clutter. This improved in S2 after vocal criticism.

Mrs Coulter/the Golden Monkey and Lee/Hester have well-drawn relationships in S1, but Pan and Lyra hug more in the 2-hour Golden Compass movie than they do in the 8-hour S1 of HDM. There's barely any physical contact with Daemons at all.

They even cut Pan and Lyra's hug after escaping the Cut in Bolvangar. In the book they can't let go of each other. The show skips it completely because Thorne wants to focus on Mrs Coulter and Lyra.

They cut Pan and Lyra testing how far apart they can be. They cut Lyra freeing the Cut Daemons in Bolvangar with the help of Kaisa. We spent extra time with both Roger and Billy Costa, but didn't develop their bonds with their Daemons- the perfect way to make the Cut more impactful

I don't need every single book scene in the show, but notice that all these cut scenes reinforced how important Daemons are. For how plodding the show is. you'd think they could spare time for these moments instead of inventing new conversations that tell us the information they show

Daemons are treated as separate beings and thus come across more like talking pets than part of a character

The show sets the rules of Daemons up poorly. In 1x2, Lyra is terrified by the Monkey being so far from Coulter, but the viewer has nothing to compare it to. We’re retroactively told in that this is unnatural when the show has yet to establish what ‘natural’ is.

The guillotine blueprint in 1x2 (‘Is that a human and his Daemon, Pan? It looks like it.’ / ‘A blade. To cut what?’) is idiotic. It deflates S1’s main mystery and makes the characters look stupid for not figuring out what they aren’t allowed to until they did in the source material, it also interferes with how the audience sees Daemons. In the book, Cutting isn’t revealed until two-thirds of the way in (1x5). By then we’ve spent a lot of time with Daemons, they’ve become a background part of the world, their ‘rules’ have been established, and we’re endeared to them.

By showing the Guillotine and putting Daemons under threat in the second episode, the show never lets us grow attached. This, combined with their selective presence in scenes, draws attention to Daemons as a plot gimmick and not a natural extension of characters. Like Lyra, the show tells us why Daemons are important before we understand them.

Billy Costa's fate falls flat. It's missing the dried fish/ fake Daemon Tony Markos clings to in the book. Thorne said this 'didn't work' on the day, but it worked in the film. Everyone yelling about Billy not having a Daemon is laughable when most of the background extras in the same scene don't have Daemons themselves

WITCHES

The Witches are the most common complaint about the show. Thorne changed Serafina Pekkala in clever, logical ways (her short hair, wrist-knives and cloud pine in the skin)

The problem is how Serafina is written. The Witches are purely exposition machines. We get no impression of their culture, their deep connection to nature, their understanding of the world. We are told it. It is never shown, never incorporated into the dramatic action of the show.

Thorne emphasises Serafina's warrior side, most obviously changing Kaisa from a goose into a gyrfalcon (apparently a goose didn't work on-screen)

Serafina single-handedly slaughtering the Tartars is bad in a few ways. It paints her as bloodthirsty and ruthless. Overpowering the Witches weakens the logic of the world (If they can do that, why do they let the Magesterium bomb them unchallenged in 2x2?). It strips the Witches of their subtlety and ambiguity for the sake of cinematic action.

A side-effect of Serafina not being with her clan at Bolvangar is limiting our exposure to the Witches. Serafina is the only one invested in the main plot, we only hear about them from what she tells us. This poor set-up weakens the Witch subplot in S2

Lyra doesn’t speak to Serafina until 2x6. She laid eyes on her once in S1.

The dialogue in the S2’s Witch subplot is comparable to the Courasant section of The Phantom Menace. 

Two named characters, neither with any depth (Serafina and Coram's dead son developed him far more than her). The costumes look ostentatious and hokey- the opposite of what the Witches should be. They do nothing but repeat the same exposition at each other, even in 2x7.

We feel nothing when the Witches are bombed because the show never invests us in what is being destroyed- with the amount of time wasted on long establishing shots, there’s not one when Lee Scoresby is talking to the Council.

BEARS

Like the Witches; Thorne misunderstands and rushes the fantasy elements of the story. The 2007 movie executed both Iofur's character and the Bear Fight much better than the show- bloodless jaw-swipe and all

Iofur's court was not the parody of human court in the books. He didn't have his fake-Daemon (hi, Billy)

An armourless bear fight is like not including Pan in the cutting scene. After equating Iorek's armour to a Daemon (Lee does this- we don’t even learn how important it is from Iorek himself, and the comparison meant less because of how badly the show set up Daemons) the show then cuts the plotpoint that makes the armour plot-relevant. This diminishes all of Bear society. Like Daemons, we're told Iorek's armour is important but it's never shown to be more than a cool accessory

GYPTIANS

Gyptians suffer from Hermoine syndrome. Harry Potter screenwriter Steve Kloves' favourite character was Hermione, and so Film!Hermoine lost most of Book!Hermoine's flaws and gained several of Book!Ron's best moments. The Gyptians are Jack Thorne's favourite group in HDM and so they got the extra screentime and development that the more complicated groups/concepts like Witches, Bears, and Daemons (which, unlike the Gyptians, carry over to other seasons amd are more important to the overall story) needed

At the same time, he changes them from a private people into an Isle of Misfit Toys. TV!Ma Costa promises they'll ‘make a Gyptian woman out of Lyra yet’, but in the book Ma specifically calls Lyra out for pretending to be Gyptian, and reminds her she never can be.

This small moment indicates how, while trying to make the show more grounded and 'adult', Thorne simultaneously made it more saccharine and sentimental. He neuters the tragedy of the Cut kids when Ma Costa says they’ll become Gyptians. Pullman's books feel like an adult story told through the eyes of a child. The TV show feels like a child's story masquerading as a serious drama.

LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA

Let me preface this by saying I genuinely really enjoy the performances in the show. It was shot in the foot by The Golden Compass' perfect casting.

The most contentious/'miscast' actor among readers is LMM. Thorne ditched the books' wise Texan for a budget Han Solo. LMM isn't a great dramatic actor (even in Hamilton he was the weak link performance-wise) but he makes up for it in marketability- lots of people tried the show because of him

Readers dislike that LMM's Lee is a thief and a scoundrel, when book-Lee is so moral he and Hester argue about stealing. Personally, I like the change in concept. Book!Lee's parental love for Lyra just appears. It's sweet, but not tied to a character arc. Done right, Lyra out-hustling Lee at his own game and giving him a noble cause to fight for (thus inspiring the moral compass of the books) is a more compelling arc.

DAFNE KEENE AND LYRA

I thought Dafne would be perfect casting. Her feral energy in Logan seemed a match made in heaven. Then Jack Thorne gave her little to do with it.

Compare how The Golden Compass introduced Lyra, playing Kids and Gobblers with a group of Gyptian kids, including Billy Costa. Lyra and Roger are chased to Jordan by the Gyptians and she makes up a lie about a curse to scare the Gyptians away.

In one scene the movie set up: 1) the Gobblers (the first we hear of them in the show is in retrospect, Roger worrying AFTER Billy is taken) 2) Lyra’s pre-existing relationship with the Gyptians (not in the show), 3) Friendship with Billy Costa (not in the book or show) 4) Lyra’s ability to befriend and lead groups of people, especially kids, and 5) Lyra’s ability to lie impressively

By comparison, it takes until midway through 1x2 for TV!Lyra to tell her first lie, and even then it’s a paper-thin attempt. 

The show made Roger Lyra’s only friend. This artificially heightens the impact of Roger's death, but strips Lyra of her leadership qualities and ability to befriend anyone. 

Harry Potter fans talk about how Book!Harry is funnier and smarter than Film!Harry. They cut his best lines ('There's no need to call me sir, Professor') and made him blander and more passive. The same happened to Lyra.

Most importantly, Lyra is not allowed to lie for fun. She can't do anything 'naughty' without being scolded. This colours the few times Lyra does lie (e.g. to Mrs Coulter in 1x2) negatively and thus makes Lyra out to be more of a brat than a hero.

This is a problem with telling Northern Lights from an outside, 'adult' perspective- to most adults Lyra is a brat. Because we’re introduced to her from inside her head, we think she's great. It's only when we meet her through Will's eyes in The Subtle Knife and she's filthy, rude and half-starved that we realise Lyra bluffs her way through life and is actually pretty non-functional

Thorne prioritises grounded human drama over fantasy, and so his Lyra has her love of bears and witches swapped for familial angst. (and, in S2. angst over Roger). By exposing Mrs Coulter as her mother early, Thorne distracts TV!Lyra from Book!Lyra’s love of the North. The contrast between wonder and reality made NL's ending a definitive threshold between innocence and knowledge. Thorne showed his hand too early.

Similarly, TV!Lyra doesn’t have anywhere near as strong an admiration for Lord Asriel. She calls him out in 1x8 (‘call yourself a Father’), which Book!Lyra never would because she’s proud to be his child. From her perspective, at this point Asriel is the good parent.

TV!Lyra’s critique of Asriel feels like Thorne using her as a mouthpiece to voice his own, adult perspective on the situation. Because Lyra is already disappointed in Asriel, his betrayal in the finale isn’t as effective. Pullman saves the ‘you’re a terrible Father’ call-out for the 3rd book for a reason; Lyra’s naive hero-worship of Asriel in Northern Lights makes the fall from Innocence into Knowledge that Roger’s death represents more effective.  

So, on TV Lyra is tamer, angstier, more introverted, less intelligent, less fun and more serious. We're just constantly told she's important, even before we meet her.

MRS COULTER (AND LORD ASRIEL)

Mrs Coulter is the main character of the show. Not Lyra. Mrs Coulter was cast first, and Lyra was cast based on a chemistry test with Ruth Wilson. Coulter’s character is given lots of extra development, where the show actively strips Lyra of her layers.

To be clear, I have no problem with developing Mrs Coulter. She is a great character Ruth Wilson plays phenomenally. I do have a problem with the show fixating on her at the expense of other characters.

Lyra's feral-ness is given to her parents. Wilson and McAvoy are more passionate than in the books. This is fun to watch, but strips them of subtlety- you never get Book!Coulter's hypnotic allure from Wilson, she's openly nasty, even to random strangers (in 2x3 her dismissal of the woman at the hotel desk felt like a Disney villain). 

Compare how The Golden Compass (2007) introduced Mrs Coulter through Lyra’s eyes, with light, twinkling music and a sparkling dress. By contrast, before the show introduces Coulter it tells us she’s associated with the evil Magisterium plotting Asriel’s death- “Not a word to any of our mutual friends. Including her.” Then she’s introduced striding down a corridor to imposing ‘Bad Guy’ strings.

Making Mrs Coulter’s villainy so obvious so early makes Lyra look dumber for falling for it. It also wastes an interesting phase of her character arc. Coulter is rushed into being a ’conflicted evil mother’ in 2 episodes, and stays in that phase for the rest of the show so far. Character progression is minimised because she circles the same place.

It makes her one-note. It's a good note (so much of the positive online chatter is saphiccs worshiping Ruth Wilson) but the show also worships her to the point of hindrance- e.g. take a shot every time Coulter walks slow-motion down a corridor in 2x2

The problem isn’t the performances, but how prematurely they give the game away. Just like the mysteries around Bolvangar and Lyra’s parentage. Neither Coulter or Asriel have much chance to use their 'public' faces. 

This is part of a bigger pacing problem- instead of rolling plot points out gradually, Thorne will stick the solution in front of you early and then stall for time until it becomes relevant. Instead of building tension this builds frustration and makes the show feel like it's catching up to the audience. This also makes the characters less engaging. You've already shown Mrs Coulter is evil/Boreal is in our world/Asriel wants Roger. Why are you taking so long getting to the point?

PACING AND EDITING

This show takes forever to make its point badly.

Scenes in HDM tend to operate on one level- either 'Character Building,' 'Exposition,' or 'Plot Progression'.

E.g. Mary's introduction in 2x2. Book!Mary only listens to Lyra because she’s sleep and caffeine-deprived and desperate because her funding is being cut. But the show stripped that subtext out and created an extra scene of a colleague talking to Mary about funding. They removed emotional subtext to focus on exposition, and so the scene felt empty and flat.

In later episodes characters Mary’s sister and colleagues do treat her like a sleep-deprived wreck. But, just like Lyra’s lying, the show doesn’t establish these characteristics in her debut episode. It waits until later to retroactively tell us they were there. Mary’s colleague saying ‘What we’re dealing with here is the fact that you haven’t slept in weeks’ is as flimsy as Pan joking not lying to Mary will be hard for Lyra.

Rarely does a scene work on multiple levels, and if it does it's clunky- see the exposition dump about Daemon Separation in the middle of 2x2's Witch Trial.

He also splits plot progression into tiny doses, which destroys pacing. It's more satisfying to focus on one subplot advancing multiple stages than all of them shuffling forward half a step each episode.

Subplots would be more effective if all the scenes played in sequence. As it is, plotlines can’t build momentum and literal minutes are wasted using the same establishing shots every time we switch location.

The best-structured episodes of S1 are 1x4, 1x6, and 1x8. This is because they have the fewest subplots (incidentally these episodes have least Boreal in them) and so the main plot isn’t diluted by constantly cutting away to Mrs Coulter sniffing Lyra’s coat or Will watching a man in a car through his window, before cutting back again. 

The best-written episode so far is 2x5. The Scholar. Tellingly, it’s the only episode Thorne doesn’t have even a co-writing credit on. 2x5 is well-paced, its dialogue is more naturalistic, it’s more focused, it even has time for moments of whimsy (Monkey with a seatbelt, Mrs Coulter with jeans, Lyra and Will whispering) that don’t detract from the story.

Structurally, 2x5  works because A) it benches Lee’s plotline. B) The Witches and Magisterium are relegated to a scene each. And C) the Coulter/Boreal and Lyra/Will subplots move towards the same goal. Not only that, but when we check in on Mary’s subplot it’s through Mrs Coulter’s eyes and directly dovetails into the  main action of the episode.

2x5 has a lovely sense of narrative cohesion because it has the confidence to sit with one set of characters for longer than two scenes at a time.

HDM also does this thing where it will have a scene with plot A where characters do or talk about something, cut away to plot B for a scene, then cut back to plot A where the characters talk about what happened in their last scene and painstakingly explain how they feel about it and why

Example: Pan talking to Will in 2x7 while Lyra pretends to be asleep. This scene is from the 3rd book, and is left to breathe for many chapters before Lyra brings it up. In the show after the Will/Pan scene they cut away to another scene, then cut back and Lyra instantly talks about it.

There’s the same problem in 2x5: After escaping Mrs Coulter, Lyra spells out how she feels about acting like her

The show never leaves room for implication, never lets us draw our own conclusions before explaining what it meant and how the characters feel about it immediately afterwards. The audience are made passive in their engagement with the characters as well as the world    

LORD BOREAL, JOHN PARRY AND DIMINISHING RETURNS

At first, Boreal’s subplot in S1 felt bold and inspired. The twist of his identity in The Subtle Knife would've been hard to pull off onscreen anyway. As a kid I struggled to get past Will's opening chapter of TSK and I have friends who were the same. Introducing Will in S1 and developing him alongside Lyra was a great idea.

I loved developing Elaine Parry and Boreal into present, active characters. But the subplot was introduced too early and moved too slowly, bogging down the season.

In 1x2 Boreal crosses. In 1x3 we learn who he's looking for. In 1x5 we meet Will. In 1x7 the burglary. 1 episode worth of plot is chopped up and fed to us piecemeal across many. Boreal literally stalls for two episodes before the burglary- there are random 30 second shots of him sitting in a car watching John Parry on YouTube (videos we’d already seen) completely isolated from any other scenes in the episode

By the time we get to S2 we've had 2 seasons of extended material building up Boreal, so when he just dies like in the books it's anticlimactic. The show frontloads his subplot with meaning without expanding on its payoff, so the whole thing fizzles out. 

Giving Boreal, the secondary villain in literally every episode, the same death as a background character in about 5 scenes in the novels feels cheap. It doesn’t help that, after 2x5 built the tension between Coulter and Boreal so well, as soon as Thorne is passed the baton in 2x6 he does little to maintain that momentum. Again, because the subplot is crosscut with everything else the characters hang in limbo until Coulter decides to kill him.

I’ve been watching non-book readers react to the show, and several were underwhelmed by Boreal’s quick, unceremonious end. 

Similarly, the show builds up John Parry from 1x3 instead of just the second book. Book!John’s death is an anticlimax but feels narratively justified. In the show, we’ve spent so much extra time talking about him and then being with him (without developing his character beyond what’s in the novels- Pullman even outlined John’s backstory in The Subtle Knife’s appendix. How hard would it be to add a flashback or two?) that when John does nothing in the show and then dies (he doesn’t even heal Will’s fingers like in the book- only tell him to find Asriel, which the angels Baruch and Balthamos do anyway) it doesn’t feel like a clever, tragic subversion of our expectations, it feels like a waste that actively cheapens the audience’s investment.

TL;DR giving supporting characters way more screentime than they need only, to give their deaths the same weight the books did after far less build up makes huge chunks of the show feel less important than they were presented to be. 

FRUSTRATINGLY LIMITED EXPANSION AND NOVELLISTIC STORYTELLING

Thorne is unwilling to meaningfully develop or expand characters and subplots to fit a visual medium. He introduces a plot-point, invents unnecessary padding around it, circles it for an hour, then moves on.

Pullman’s books are driven by internal monologue and big, complex theological concepts like Daemons and Dust. Instead of finding engaging, dynamic ways to dramatise these concepts through the actions of characters or additions to the plot, Thorne turns Pullman’s internal monologue into dialogue and has the characters explain them to the audience

The novels’ perspective on its characters is narrow, first because Northern Lights is told only from Lyra’s POV, and second because Pullman’s writing is plot-driven, not character-driven. Characters are vessels for the plot and themes he wants to explore.

This is a fine way of writing novels. When adapting the books into a longform drama, Thorne decentralised Lyra’s perspective from the start, and HDM S1 uses the same multi-perspective structure that The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass do, following not only Lyra but the Gyptians, Mrs Coulter, Boreal, Will and Elaine etc

However, these other perspectives are limited. We never get any impression of backstory or motivation beyond the present moment. Many times I’ve seen non-book readers confused or frustrated by vague or non-existent character motivations.

For example, S1 spends a lot of time focused on Ma Costa’s grief over Billy’s disappearance, but we never see why she’s sad, because we never saw her interact with Billy.

Compare this to another show about a frantic mother and older brother looking for a missing boy. Stranger Things uses only two flashbacks to show us Will Byers’ relationships with his family: 1) When Joyce Byers looks in his Fort she remembers visiting Will there. 2) The Clash playing on the radio reminds Jonathan Byers of introducing Will to the song.

In His Dark Materials we never see the Costas as a happy family- 1x1’s Gyptian ceremony focuses on Tony and Daemon-exposition. Billy never speaks to his mum or brother in the show 

Instead we have Ma Costa’s empty grief. The audience has to do the work (the bad kind) imagining what she’s lost. Instead of seeing Billy, it’s just repeated again and again that they will get the children back.

If we’re being derivative, HDM had the chance to segway into a Billy flashback when John Faa brings one of his belongings back from a Gobbler safehouse in 1x2. This is a perfect The Clash/Fort Byers-type trigger. It doesn’t have to be long- the Clash flashback lasted 1:27, the Fort Byers one 55 seconds. Just do something.

1x3 beats into us that Mrs Coulter is nuts without explaining why. Lots of build-up for a single plot-point. Then we're told Mrs Coulter's origin, not shown. This is a TV show. Swap Boreal's scenes for flashbacks of Coulter and Asriel's affair. Then, when Ma Costa tells Lyra the truth, show the fight between Edward Coulter and Asriel.

To be clear, Thorne's additions aren’t fundamentally bad. For example, Will boxing sets up his struggle with violence. But it's wasted. The burglary/murder in 1x7 fell flat because of bad editing, but the show never uses its visual medium to show Will's 'violent side'- no change in camera angle, focus, or sound design, nothing. It’s just a thing that’s there, unsupported by the visual language of the show

The Magisterium scenes in 2x2 were interesting. We just didn't need 5 of them; their point could be made far more succinctly.

In 2x6 there is a minute-long scene of Mary reading the I Ching. Later, there is another scene of Angelica watching Mary sitting somewhere different, doing the SAME THING, and she sees an Angel. Why split these up? It’s not like either the I Ching or the Angels are being introduced here. Give the scene multiple layers.

Thorne either takes good character moments from the books (Lyra/Will in 2x1) or uses heavy-handed exposition that reiterates the same point multiple times. This hobbles the Witches (their dialogue in 2x1, 2 and 3 literally rephrases the same sentiment about protecting Lyra without doing anything). Even character development- see Lee monologuing his and Mrs Coulter's childhood trauma in specific detail in 2x3

This is another example of Thorne adding something, but instead of integrating it into the dramatic action and showing us, it’s just talked about. What’s the point of adding big plot points if you don’t dramatise them in your dramatic, visual medium? In 2x8, Lee offhandedly mentions playing Alamo Gulch as a kid.

I’m literally screaming, Jack, why the flying fuck wasn’t there a flashback of young Lee and Hester playing Alamo Gulch and being stopped by his abusive dad? It’s not like you care about pacing with the amount of dead air in these episodes, even when S2’s run 10 minutes shorter than S1’s. Lee was even asleep at the beginning of 2x3, Jack! He could’ve woken from a nightmare about his childhood! It’s a little lazy, but better than nothing.

There’s a similar missed opportunity making Dr Lanselius a Witchling. If this idea had been introduced with the character in 1x4, it would’ve opened up so many storytelling possibilities. Linking to Fader Coram’s own dead witchling son. It could’ve given us that much-needed perspective on Witch culture. Imagine Lanselius’ bittersweet meeting with his ageless mother, who gave him up when he reached manhood. Then, when the Magisterium bombs the Witches in 2x2, Lanselius’ mother dies so it means something.

Instead it’s only used to facilitate an awkward exposition dump in the middle of a trial.

The point of this fanfic-y ramble is to illustrate my frustration with the additions; If Thorne had committed and meaningfully expanded and interwoven them with the source material, they could’ve strengthened its weakest aspect (the characters). But instead he stays committed to novelistic storytelling techniques of monologue and two people standing in a room talking at each other

(Seriously, count the number of scenes that are just two people standing in a room or corridor talking to each other. No interesting staging, the characters aren’t doing anything else while talking. They. Just. Stand.) 

SEASON 2 IMPROVEMENTS

S2 improved some things- Lyra's characterisation was more book-accurate, her dynamic with Will was wonderful. Citigazze looked incredible. LMM won lots of book fans over as Lee. Mary was brilliantly cast. Now there are less Daemons, they're better characterised- Pan gets way more to do now and Hester had some lovely moments. 

I genuinely believe 2x1, 2x3, 2x4 and 2x5 are the best HDM has been. 

But new problems arose. The Subtle Knife lost the central, easy to understand drive of Northern Lights (finding the missing kids) for lots of smaller quests. As a result, everyone spends the first two episodes of S2 waiting for the plot to arrive. The big inciting incident of Lyra’s plotline is the theft of the alethiometer, which doesn’t happen until 2x3. Similarly, Lee doesn’t search for John until 2x3. Mrs Coulter doesn’t go looking for Lyra until 2x3. 

On top of missing a unifying dramatic drive, the characters now being split across 3 worlds, instead of the 1+a bit of ours in S1, means the pacing/crosscutting problems (long establishing shots, repetition of information, undercutting momentum) are even worse. The narrative feels scattered and incohesive.   

These flaws are inherent to the source  material and are not the show’s fault, but neither does it do much to counterbalance or address them, and the flaws of the show combine with the difficulties of TSK as source material and make each other worse.

A lot of this has been entitled fanboy bitching, but you can't deny the show is in a bad place ratings-wise. It’s gone from the most watched new British show in 5 years to the S2 premiere having a smaller audience than the lowest-rated episode of Doctor Who Series 12. For comparison, DW's current cast and showrunner are the most unpopular since the 80s, some are actively boycotting it, it took a year-long break between series 11 and 12, had its second-worst average ratings since 2005, and costs a fifth of what HDM does to make. And it's still being watched by more people.

Critical consensus fluctuates wildly. Most laymen call the show slow and boring. The show is simultaneously too niche and self-absorbed to attract a wide audience and gets just enough wrong to aggravate lots of fans.

I’m honestly unsure if S3 will get the same budget. I want it to, if only because of my investment in the books. Considering S2 started filming immediately after S1 aired, I think they've had a lot more time to process and apply critique for S3. On the plus side, there's so much plot in The Amber Spyglass it would be hard to have the same pacing problems. But also so many new concepts that I dread the exposition dumps.

#His Dark Materials #his dark materials hbo #jack thorne #mrs coulter #ruth wilson #lyra silvertongue #philip pullman #northern lights #the subtle knife #the amber spyglass #the golden compass #hdm #hdm spoilers #bbc #lin-manuel miranda #daemon #writing #book adaptation #hbo #dafne keen #james macavoy #lord asriel #pantalaimon #lee scoresby

[less-than-wholesome-shipper]

Here ya go... another outline I probably will never fully write!

It's a HoboTagger Hanahaki.... but with Spiders!

Miles is devastated by the tragedy of first love

Madame Webb - freeform gives him a choice

Remove the heartache and the love that causes it

Or suffer through it

Miles “Who’s Morales”, a child who doesn’t know any better, chooses to have it removed so Madame Webb grants his wish (a small spider sac pill)

The mystical spiders feed off of unspoken love and will eat away the love he keeps hidden, but as they continue to feed, they will become tangible, nest in his lungs, and breed until he is overrun with them.

Obviously, the cure is to tell the person he’s in love with that he loves them.

Miles wakes up in a different dimension and seeks out the resident Spider-Man

To the surprise of 0 people, it’s PeterB’s dimension

Tells Peter about a weird dream he had of a giant woman with 8 eyes and 6 arms

Peter writes it off as some kind of hallucination while passing through dimensions

Peter takes him in

Peter still lives in the 1 bed apartment but assures Miles that he’s still working things out with MJ, they’ve just decided to take it slow.

Miles starts to “feel better” (as in he doesn’t feel his heart ache every time he looks at Peter)

Things are good for a while

Then Miles starts to get sick

Eventually coughing up webs, spider bits, then whole spiders!

Peter takes Miles to the Avengers Mansion for help.

X-rays show hundreds of spiders in Miles’ lungs

Miles finally tells Peter about his choice

Dr. Strange is called in

Is reluctant to intervene with Madame Webb’s magic

Especially since it involves one of her spiderlings

Encourages Miles to just tell the person

Miles says he can’t.

Peter thinks it’s Gwen

Tries to figure out a way to get Gwen here

Can’t find one

It’s near the end for Miles - he can’t breathe on his own.

Peter stays glued to his bedside

Miles asks Peter to try to get a message to his parents

[gdi now I’m crying] Peter swears he will even if he has to build a collider like Kingpin did

M: “Hey, you can’t just go messing up your dimension or hopping off to another with no sure way to get back, you gotta be here for Miles Jr.”

Jokingly P: “Miles Jr.? There something you’re not telling me, kid?”

M: “You know, in case you have a boy. Or a girl. Names are really only gender specific if you want them to be.”

Peter confesses that he lied about taking things slow with MJ. They tried for a little while, but it still didn’t work out.

“So, If I die, you’ll be alone?”

[by this point in time, both of them are crying] “Hey, c’mon don’t worry about me, kid, I can handle myself. Besides, I thought we decided none of us were actually alone after the whole -”

“Peter?”

“Yeah, buddy?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Miles.”

“No, Peter, I mean - It’s you. I love you.”

Hobo.exe stopped working as Miles starts coughing severely

Staff rushes in, they try to forcibly remove Peter from the room when Miles’s coughing turns to choking.

Peter fights them - refusing to let go of Miles’ hand [kinda getting in the way of things] and cussing Strange because he swore Miles wouldn’t go violently.

Strange uses magic to clear the blockage from Miles’ throat

It’s the spider sac pill

Miles falls limp and Peter is devastated until Strange assures him that Miles will be ok.

S: “A good bit of damage to his lungs, but with spider healing, he should be fine within a week or so…. Peter, I’m sure I don’t need to say this, but the best course of action moving forward is to get the boy home. I will contact his dimension’s Sorcerer Supreme and with their cooperation, we should be able to bridge the world’s long enough for him to cross over.”

P: “Can Madame Webb cross dimensions?”

Mildly confused S: “Naturally. She is the creator and overseer of the Web of Life and Destiny. It bends to her will before all others.”

P: “So you didn’t want to interfere with her plans to save his fucking life, but you’re more than eager to step in now due to your own fucked up moral priorities and opinions that obviously paint me as some kind of predator?! I’m pretty sure if she wanted Miles to go home right after his confession, he’d already be there...”

Strange leaves with the intention of conferring with Madame Webb, if she will entertain him [spoilers: she doesn’t XD]

After the second night in recovery, Miles is well enough to go home

Things are a little awkward

Miles realizes how long he’s been gone and thinks it’s time he figures out a way back if Madame Webb isn’t in a helping mood.

P: “It was good seeing you again, Miles. Maybe next time we meet up, one of us won’t be on the verge of death?”

M: “Yeah…. I love you, Peter.”

P: “And you know I love you, too, bud-”

M: “But not in the same way that I love you, right?”

P: “Miles, I can’t. For me, romantic feelings go hand in hand with sexual feelings, and you’re what? Twelve?”

Rolling his eyes, M: “I’m thirteen!”

Pleasantly surprised P: “Oh, my bad, that changes everything then!”

Perking up, M: “Really?!”

P: “No! The bare minimum that’s accepted by law is 17 and even then it’s still frowned upon socially. I’m pretty sure you haven’t even discovered the joys of masturbation yet - do not answer that, it wasn’t even a question! - The point I’m trying to make is, you can’t know what you want because you haven’t given yourself time to try everything yet. Do you get what I’m saying here?”

M: “I get that that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. You’re telling me that I have to try different things before I can know what I want, but if I want to try something, I can’t, because I have to be given permission on what I can do with my own body by a bunch of old randos that know nothing about my particular situation?”

PeterB.tryingtobethegoodguyhere.prog isn’t responding

M: “What if I’m on top?”

P: “I’m sorry… what?! [see: stunned_blinking.gif]

M: “You’re worried about taking advantage of me, right? Well, if I’m on top, then I’m the one taking advantage of you. Problem solved.”

P: “N-no… that’s… that’s not how that works.” [compounding math meme]

M: “What if you can’t fight back? Like if I webbed you to the bed? Or held you down? I mean, it’s not like I can’t get the drop on you easily, so it’d be totally believable.”

A problem has caused PeterB.tryingtobethegoodguyhere.prog to stop working correctly.

Sex ensues [I guess! \(O`~`O)/ who tf knows anymore?! Not me, apparently...]

Madame Webb is pleased

[The fulfilling, cute, and sexy epilogue I had planned to go here doesn’t fucking matter anymore, thanks to Miles’ thirsty teen hormones so]

FIN

#Spiderverse #HoboTagger #Hanahaki with spiders #Peter B Parker/Miles Morales #peter b/miles morales #PBPMM #betermiles

[literarytrashcollection]

Where Are Any of Us Going? (Part 6/?): You Idiot

(Bucky x Reader)

“Bucky, it’s me!” I yelled, trying to push his hands away.

“Yes, who are you really? HYDRA?” He snarled, pinning my arms above my head while his metal hand stayed pressed against my throat.

“No, Bucky, I swear!” I could feel the tears tracking down my face as he stared at me, as if willing the truth out of me with just the look.

“Buck, let her go.” Steve called, standing in the door of the elevator. When Bucky didn’t immediately release, he walked over, ready to pull him off me. Bucky dropped his hands and crossed his arms, jaw set hard. “Y/N, let’s go inside. Stark has information about what happened. It’ll answer all of your questions.” He offered his hand and I took it, thankful to be trusted in that moment. My heart hurt knowing Bucky didn’t trust me.

We marched down to Mr. Stark’s lab, Bucky trailing behind with his hands balled into fists. Steve held the door for me and brushed off a seat so I could sit down.

“I see you two made it out okay,” Tony looked wired. He’d abandoned the Iron Man suit and his suit and tie for a hoodie and jeans. “What a crazy first date, right?”

Bucky was still fuming at the back of the room, and I was honestly too afraid of him right there to say anything either, so I just flashed him a small, nervous smile.

“Alright, tough crowd,” Mr. Stark huffed. “JARVIS scanned all of the shooters, for identification purposes, but we also did body scans. They all had prosthetics, like Y/N. Not all of them had arms, but they all had bionic limbs. And they all had the chip in the back of their head.”

“I could hear whoever was commanding them in my head. I couldn’t quite focus when they were giving the orders, but once the radio went silent, I was able to get Bucky down before the firing started.”

Tony pointed at me with a pen. “You’re special. You’re the only one of them that had a fully metal skeleton. They all had regular ol’ bones. I think the reason they couldn’t control you was because of the sheer amount of metal in your body. It all messed with the frequency, weakened it to the point where you might have picked it up, but it was too faint to really work.”

“But they did still try to control her.” Bucky grunted.

“I don’t think they counted on me being there.” I turned back to him. “They told everyone to get into position and then fire. If they had known I was going to be there, wouldn’t they have given me a position to be in?”

“Unless you were exactly where they wanted you to be and you were sent to kill me, or any of us.” Bucky snapped.

“You guys saw the explosion in the garage, right?” Mr. Stark asked, eyes shifting between Bucky and I nervously. “The bomb was one of the shooters. I blasted his leg off and he exploded.”

“So, that’s the level of explosion we can expect if we try to remove Y/N’s arms.” Steve sighed, glancing over at me. I didn’t realize I was shaking until he rested his hand on the middle of my back and started rubbing.

“True, but, she’s obviously defective. And she’s in our hands. Wouldn’t they want any evidence of their work as far away from us as possible? They either want us to have her or they’re trying to blow her top and the signal isn’t taking.”

“What about the bodies? Wouldn’t they all be evidence too?” Steve continued.

“They would, if they were still there.” Tony nodded. “I went out to the garage to try and clear it for guests leaving and when I came back, all of the shooters were gone.”

Bucky swore under his breath, some of the anger leaving his face.

“Why could we shoot and kill them and they couldn’t even break skin with a bullet on me?” I asked, holding up the slug that had slammed into me.

“I think that might be because of the metal in your system. I think it’s bonded to your skin too.” Dr. Banner said, stepping out of one of the closets with a box full of parts.

“So a fucking magnet could totally incapacitate her?” Bucky stalked forward and leaned against the work bench. He was in reach and I wanted to touch him, help him relax, but I didn’t think he trusted me yet.

“Realistically, yes.” Mr. Stark nodded, a small smile on his lips. I knew he was imagining someone swinging a huge magnet around and me getting stuck to it. I was imagining it too.

Dr. Banner cleared his throat a little. “I’m going to try and put together something that will interfere with the radio signals she’s receiving so we can remove the explosives. Maybe if the signal can’t get to the receiver, it won’t blow.”

“Maybe?” Steve repeated.

Banner opened his mouth to say something, then quickly closed it and shrugged a little. “I can’t be 100% certain. We’re basically going to have to put her head in a metal box and cut the wires that attach the chip to the arms before we can remove anything.”

“For now, stay in the tower. Distance, plus all the metal in your body, we shouldn’t have to worry about you exploding any time soon.” Mr. Stark told me. “As soon as we know for sure that we can disarm these, that’s when we’ll go in and take you all apart.”

I nodded, getting out of my seat to leave. I suddenly felt extremely vulnerable, something I hadn’t really felt since my parents’ death. Steve tried to call after me, but I was already through the door and halfway down the hall.

No one stopped me on my way to my room. I slammed the door hard once inside and threw Nat’s gun on the bed. I quickly shed all of my clothes and changed into shorts and a t-shirt.

I drug myself right back out of my room and down to the training rooms. I found my heavy bags and started wailing on them, this time with no tears in my eyes to block my vision.

I was furious. I don’t think I had ever been so angry in my life, except maybe when my parents passed. Bucky didn’t trust me. I was made into a puppet to be used for murder. If anyone tried to fix me, there were enough explosives in my head to take out an entire cement garage level. In-fucking-credible.

I pounded the bag, over and over, sweat dripping down my face and my back.

I find out that I’m basically completely made of metal. Great! I can stick refrigerator magnets to my body and fry technology because signals can’t get through me.

“Y/N?” It was Steve. I knew he was trying to be nice to me, but I didn’t have the heart to talk to the Super Camp Counselor. I ignored him, throwing punches as hard as I could until the bag broke under my knuckles. As I was about to start hitting the next one, Steve grabbed my arms and literally lifted me off my feet, depositing me five feet away so I couldn’t hit anything other than him. “Hey, talk to me. What’s going on in your head?”

I stared up at him for a long minute. I honestly was thinking about punching Captain America across the face. “It’s not like life has been hunky dory since I got here.”

“It never is,” his face scrunched up a bit. “Let’s take a walk. You’ve got energy to burn and you need to talk this out. Luckily, I happen to be a decent listener and can probably walk the equator in one go if I really wanted to.”

I almost smiled. He was trying. I could appreciate that.

He led me out of the training room and out into the hall. “Sometimes, whether we like it or not, we’re called on by fate or destiny or the universe to go above and beyond, be more than we are. It’s a call that none of us can really get out of.”

“I didn’t want any of this.” I waved my hand over myself. “I didn’t want to be a freak. I didn’t want to run into Bucky and… develop all of these damn feelings for him.”

“You’re not a freak. You’re a girl that crazy things happened to. But you’re not a freak. You’re pretty normal, compared to most of us.” Steve smiled at me. “And Bucky… he’s scared right now. He’s terrified. You’re one of the first people--other than Nat and I--who he’s really opened up to. He feels weak around you. And he thought that you’d only been sent to kill him. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s that he doesn’t trust the world and he knows how vicious it can be.”

I watched my feet for a few steps as I processed that. “I tried to save him.”

“From what I saw, you also gave him a run for his money in marksmanship. You have to understand that that looks like a lie.”

“I didn’t know how I did it.” I looked over at him. “I’ve held and shot guns before, that’s not the problem. But I’ve never been good at it. My aim has always been atrocious.”

“It could be something to do with all of this,” he touched my arm lightly. “I don’t know what to say, really, Y/N. But Bucky cares about you a lot, and that’s what’s so scary to him. He just needs time to cool off and then he’ll come see you, tail tucked between his legs and he’ll tell you all of this.”

I nodded. “I think I’m falling for him.” I didn’t dare meet his eyes. I didn’t want to see what they held. It’d been what… four days that I had known Bucky? Wasn’t it a little early to start throwing words like that around?

“He is too, you know?” That made me look. Steve was looking forward, a small smile on his lips. “He’s also kind of into girls that scare him. Something about knowing that he’s not the most dangerous person in the room comforts him.” He grinned, meeting my gaze after a minute.

“Bucky’s a teddy bear.”

Steve’s smile grew. “I know he is. He wouldn’t hurt someone he knew didn’t deserve it.”

I wanted nothing more than to go to Bucky, to hug him and stroke his hair and his face and reassure him that I would never hurt him, to show him how much I cared about him. But he needed his space.

“Steve, will you come bake cookies with me?” I asked shyly.

“Probably the best idea you’ve had since you’ve been here,” he winked and took my hand, leading me to the kitchen.

“I smell chocolate chip,” Nat sang as she walked into the room, Bucky on her heels. Steve was scooping cookies off the sheet as I loaded more dough onto the next one. We’d decided on chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin, his favorites.

Nat snitched a couple of the cookies and sat on the counter. I could see her trying to inconspicuously gesture for Bucky to talk to me, but he remained silent, only opening his mouth to thank Steve for the cookies placed in front of him.

“Nat, I have a mission report I need to go over with you, if you wouldn’t mind,” Steve said, all but dragging Natasha out of the kitchen before anyone had a chance to say anything. God, he was the worst.

I kept my back to Bucky, dolloping more cookie dough onto a third sheet for the next round of baking.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” Bucky’s voice was tight and monotonous. I couldn’t tell if he was being genuine, honestly.

“You didn’t.”

We fell silent again and I started washing up the dirty dishes from my baking adventure. Steve, the ratbastard, was supposed to do them, since I made the cookies.

Bucky’s fingers suddenly covered mine, removing the mixing bowl from my hands and wrapping me in a hug that felt more like a straight jacket. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

My breath shook as I took deep breaths. God, I was not going to cry. I didn’t need to have that conversation. I quickly shook him off and wiped at my eyes, turning to face him but not meeting his eyes. Instead, I focused on the hollow of his throat, the soft skin there.

“I’m not mad at you, Buck.” I mumbled, wiping my hands off on the bottom of my shirt. “I’m hurt. But I understand why you did what you did. So, there’s no hard feelings.”

“Can I hug you again?” His voice cracked a little and I knew that if I looked at him, I would definitely start crying, so I just pressed my face against his chest, holding him as tightly as I could. He wound his arms around me too, kissing the top of my head for a moment. “I was so fucking scared, Y/N. I thought you were going to get hurt. And then it crossed my mind that maybe you’d been in on it the whole time and my paranoia went through the roof.”

I nodded a little, digging my fingers into the soft material of his shirt. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to think about it ever again. I wanted to push it down into a box in the corner of my mind and light it on fire.

“If you don’t… if you want… You don’t have to see me, if you don’t want to. I understand how much I must’ve hurt you.”

I pulled back and frowned at him. “Are you trying to break up with me?”

“No!” His eyes were tinged red, but I refused to believe that a man like him would ever cry over me. “No, I just was trying to give you an out if you didn’t want to see me anymore.”

I knew my face didn’t hide my skepticism. “You idiot.” I stretched up on my toes and kissed him lightly. “You have to do a lot worse than that to scare me off.” I murmured as I buried my face in his chest again. Relief seemed to radiate off him, all his muscles seemed to relax and he squeezed me so hard I thought I might pass out.

“So you’ll stay?”

“Of course, Buck. Where else would I go?”

He shrugged.

“Do you trust me?”

He pulled back that time, his warm flesh hand coming up to cup my cheek. “Of course, doll. Sometimes, I get these like… it’s like déjà vu almost. It just felt like it did when I was still in their control. It freaked me out. I needed proof and evidence but I knew that you were telling the truth.”

“Why didn’t you say that to me then?”

“In the moment, I was so worked up that I don’t think I could have said it.”

I pressed my lips together, taking the time to study his face. “Just please talk to me next time, Buck. I can’t know what’s going on in your head if you don’t talk to me.”

He nodded and kissed me again, gentle at first, then progressively more desperate and needy. I pulled him closer and leaned into the kiss, giving as much as I took. I squealed a little when he lifted me onto the counter so I could reach his mouth easier. I eased the pony tail out of his hair, ruffling the long strands out of the bun they’d been in so I could run my fingers through them.

I eventually pulled back for air but he kept at it, moving his lips down my throat then back up, just so he could do it again on the other side.

“Bucky,” I hissed when he tugged the collar of my shirt to the side, leaving a little love bite on my collarbone that made my pulse jump. I pushed him back, my heart shattering at the disappointment plain across his face. “I’m in the middle of baking, nerd,” I pecked his lips lightly and hopped off the counter, switching the last two sheets of cookies around.

“I didn’t get the chance to mention that I was really turned on when you took out those shooters.” Bucky mumbled quietly.

My face flushed and I looked down at my feet. “I was into it watching you do that too.” I thought back to it, biting my lip a little. I don’t think it was so much the shooting and the killing as it was the sheer confidence and power he possessed in that moment.

“What a fucked up pair we are.” He laughed.

I nodded and kissed him again, tracing my tongue over his bottom lip. He granted me access and before long, I was on the counter again, my legs wrapped around his hips and my fingers in his hair. His fingers caressed my legs, the difference between the warmth of his flesh hand and the cold from his metal one sending shivers up my spine.

He tasted like Heaven, honestly. I could still taste the chocolate chip cookies on his lips, and something else that turned my brain to mush as his fingers carefully trailed up my back, up to cradle my face. I let my fingers explore his chest, admiring the strength and tightly coiled muscle under his warm skin. I traced the scars, slipping my hands under his shirt for proximity’s sake.

When we pulled away that time, his teeth lightly biting into my lip before releasing it, we didn’t go far. He rested his forehead against mine, his eyes still shut.

“It’s been a while since…” he stopped. “I haven’t had a girlfriend since before the war.”

“I’ve never had a boyfriend.” I shrugged,

He opened his eyes, frowning. “Why?”

“Never wanted one. Not that guys didn’t try to make passes. I was just never interested.”

He considered that. “Have you had a girlfriend before?”

I nodded. “One. I knew it wasn’t going to last though. It was fun while I had it.”

He nodded, tracing patterns over my bare legs with his fingertips. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Of course, you idiot.” I kissed his lips lightly, then his nose and his cheeks, watching his smile grow with every kiss.

TAGS LIST: (let me know if you’d like to be added!) @veganfangirl5 @libbymouse @hiddles-rose @sonic-lipstick-is-mine

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky #winter solider x reader #winter solider imagine #bionic #captain america #captain rogers #scarlet witch #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #tony stark #iron man #pepper potts #black widow #bruce banner #hulk #the incredible hulk #avengers #avengers au #avengers tower #jarvis