#i suppose i can handle some obnoxious comedy if it means i can see my husband's smile...

[nuatthebeach]

New Ginny

Link to AO3 for comments/reviews

"You know this was not what we had in mind for a low budget vacation, Winston!"

"You said you wanted to go somewhere you couldn't find at home."

"So, why would you take us to the beach all the way across the country, man?!" Sand shot in the air as an angry kick on the shore was executed effortlessly by the man Schmidt himself. "We live in freakin' LA! There's beaches crawling out of everywhere! And you wonder why no one lets you choose any of our vacation spots anymore, ya freak."

Cece threw up a hand in exasperation, diamond ring winking in the sun. "Yeah, why didn't you just tell us we were going to the beach, Winston? We could have saved a lot by just taking a car nearby instead of you surprising us with these 'low cost' plane tickets."

"See, you guys don't get it. I told y'all we were going on a cheap trip we ain't never done before, right?" Winston's smile brightened, the look of misguided, twisted comedy overtaking his expression with alarming speed. "And then, boom, I took y'all to the beach. On the East Coast. Ha! You just got Bishoped!"

Nick shook his head, right hand rubbing wearily against his face, looking just as tired as the rest of them. "You've gotta stop with your pranks, man."

"Y'all should've seen the look on my face - "

"Y- Seen the look on your face?"

The only word to describe the look on Schmidt's face was 'flabbergasted.'

" - When I swiped y'all's credit credit cards last month as you were all arguing with Nick over that Flat Earth theory video on YouTube - "

"When they asked the guy about his qualifications, he answered 'critical thinker'! Does that sound like someone who would just lie to you?!"

" - And for your only holiday weekends too! And, man, Nick is so broke right now! I was trying so hard to hold it in!" Winston was absolutely beaming with mirth at this point, reducing his friends' sense of camaraderie towards him to a terrifying low. "You know, you guys should really be checking your billing history more often, for real, someone could really be stealing from you, and you'd have no idea."

Before Winston could register Schmidt's increasingly tomato red face, something else in his periphery caught his attention. "Damn it, Ferguson, don't go near that water! It is not your friend, baby!"

"What type of idiot lets a cat roam free on the beach!"

While Cece attempted to alleviate the pressure between Schmidt's tightly clenched teeth, an irritated look overpowering her own, a low voice spoke from behind. "Are your friends always like this?"

Ginny, who had been laughing at her loftmates' antics and was surprisingly not feeling as bothered by Winston's tendencies as the rest of them (this vacation is, after all, well-deserved after the shitty week I've had, and every second counts, even if they are each spent planning Winston's upcoming ultimate demise), turned around to see an incredibly fit man her age speaking to her directly.

Sweeping her eyes over his form once, she leaned closer. "I'm afraid they are, yes, but I've got to warn you I'm not much better."

He seemed equally as amused as her. "How so?"

"Well, as you can tell from my completely American accent," she deadpanned in her British accent, amused when the stranger rolled his eyes in response, "my sense of humor is a bit dry. Superior, of course, but I'm told some people can't handle it."

"Natural selection will handle that, I hope," he chuckled.

"If we're lucky," she smiled. Feeling particularly introductory that late afternoon, she gestured halfheartedly to the obnoxious chatter several meters ahead of her. "My loftmates here, on the other hand, each have an equally questionable sense of humor themselves."

"Who, those few?"

She rolled her eyes, failing to prevent the corner of her lips from quirking upwards. Pointing to the man who was now dragging an increasingly wet and agitated cat from the Atlantic ocean, his jeans completely soaked from the knees down, Ginny drawled, "That idiot over there who cost us a proper, well-earned vacation is Winston. The only thing this man loves more than crazy pranks is his even crazier cat, who I'm pretty sure doesn't even know he exists. Needless to say, I've really never been more envious of a cat's attention span myself."

Moving on to Schmidt and Cece who were lying on the shore as far away from Winston as much as possible as a form of spite, Ginny explained matter-of-factly, "Schmidt and Cece don't have a cat, but that won't stop them from also making ear infection-inducing noises at six in the morning through our paper thin walls."

Pointing to the last couple on the beach, she continued, "Not like Nick and Jess are any better, though. They like to make weird noises too, but it's not always during sex, and that scares me more than it should anyone, really."

She gestured to herself. "And last but not least, you have me, whose most normal experience of today is having a fit guy at the beach wonder out loud about how five idiots managed to drag their even more fit loftmate out of her comfortable bed and into an expensive five hour flight. Just to do the same things that I easily could have done if I just took a simple albeit very long stroll outside. And I would have had a much better view, too, no offense to your rather peculiar looking ocean over here. What shade of contaminated gray would you call that hue, by the way?"

"No, that's a pretty accurate way of describing it, actually. I'd like to think there is some green in there, though. Just to give it the illusion of appearing to be clean." Reluctantly, Ginny had to agree.

The stranger's lips pressed firmly in amusement the entire time she was talking - ranting, more like - clearly trying to not give her the satisfaction of knowing how funny and charming he thought she was.

She found that endearing. They all try at first.

Eventually, he settled with: "So you and, uh, Winston, are the only two people in the loft who are not coupled up?"

She raised an eyebrow, impressed by his nerve. "Pretending to ignore your intentions for asking such a tactfully worded question, no, actually, when Winston's not too busy canoodling with his cat, he's canoodling his girlfriend - Aly - back at home, but she couldn't make it here today, lucky girl. So it's just me."

Finally smiling now, the stranger ignored her challenging look ('why are you so curious about my relationship status, you hot, inquisitive, none-of-your-business stranger?') and asked her teasingly, "Aren't there a lot of people to fit in just one loft?"

"I mean, we're from LA. Rent there is mad, so we need all the help we can get," she shrugged. "But, yeah, most definitely breaking some housing rules here or there. Is that something that bothers you?"

He smiled, something akin to arrogance taking over his face. She found that look more stirring than she'd like to admit out loud. "You'll find I'm not really the rule caring type."

"Oh? When would you imagine I'd be finding that out?"

She was beyond the point of caring how brazen she must have sounded to a complete and utter stranger. And if she was being honest with herself, she never did care, really. Besides, if she was going to fit a hot summer romance in the span of a whole day, she thought she might as well get on with it.

He cleared his throat, his gaze silently indicating how much he'd like to agree with her on that one, too. "Okay, Miss Dry Humor. I guess I know everything there is to know about your loftmates without risk of my mind being fully blown apart, now. What's your story?"

"What's yours?"

He chuckled at her retort though immediately furrowed his eyebrows afterward, as if he was confused by this question himself.

Ginny did not know what to think of that, though she found a strange fog overtaking her when she tried to ponder on her own personal history too.

Strange.

Instead, she prompted, trying to clear her mind, "You're a lifeguard here, right?"

He looked down at his form, a lanyard draped across his increasingly interesting collarbone and a whistle resting just above his bare chest.

"I can't swim."

She blinked.

"What?" she laughed. "Isn't that, like, a hazard for what you do?"

"Probably," he said sheepishly, rubbing his hand against the back of his neck. "I don't mean to, like, put anyone in danger or anything. It's a long story, but basically, I'm covering for my friend while he's, um...making noises with his girlfriend, as you said. Hence, the whistle right here. So I'm not really a lifeguard. But if anything happens, my other friend - an actual reliable lifeguard - can help you out. He's right over there nearby."

He pointed to another dark-haired, attractive man standing farther away from them along the shore. At first, Ginny thought he was winking at her, but when she saw the tension building along the shoulders of the stranger next to her, she knew who that teasing look was meant for.

"Sorry about him. He thinks I'm trying to make a move on you."

"Oh? Is that not what's happening right now?"

His cheeks flushed slightly. Ginny found it amusing how this man could be so confident but also so shit at flirting too. It strangely caused warmth to expand, but this time it was not through her lower belly.

"I don't want him to think that, though. I'd never hear the end of it."

It was not a direct answer to her question, but his eyes were so soft and mischievous that she had no doubt as to what he really meant.

She rolled her eyes anyway. "I thought you Americans were supposed to be more direct than that."

He scoffed, eyes lighting up at her jibe. "Oh, I see. You're one of those. Dry humor doesn't have to equate to being mean, you know."

Ginny laughed. "Well, that's why my loft arrangement works out so well with this lot over here," she jabbed her thumb to her friends, watching as Ferguson was attempting once more to drown himself in the ocean to escape his owner's clingy attentiveness. "My sense of humor is mean and dry, and their sense of humor compensates by being mean and wet."

He coughed. "Wet?"

She raised an eyebrow at him, pretending like she hadn't made any suggestive comment whatsoever. "Well, occasionally we do like to alternate, though."

"Of course."

"If I was always dry, and they were always wet, we'd have a different problem altogether."

He barked out a laugh, his cheeks flushing again. "How are you even real?"

"Well, anything's possible if you've got enough perv."

The man's breath hitched, his green eyes staring at her intensely. Despite her earlier insult, Ginny thought the color reminded her exactly of the ocean they were at now, something much stormier than the one back in California.

She found herself growing fond of this beach in a way she was not before.

"Do I know you? I swear I feel like I met you before."

She leaned closer to him, fighting feeling flustered herself. "I've probably got one of those memorable faces or something."

"Something like that." His eyebrows furrowed, but his lips were still upturned. "I'll certainly remember it much later today anyways."

His ears promptly reddened.

She gasped playfully, smiling as she hit him lightly on his very fit arm. "You are much smoother than you look. And randier."

He laughed. After a short while of them standing in a silence filled with smirks and silky sheet-like possibilities, he finally asked, "Okay, Miss Dry Occasionally Wet Humor - "

"Nice."

He bit back another chuckle. "What's your name?"

"What's yours?"

He rolled his eyes ("stubborn too"), he relented, "I'm Harry."

She chuckled, shaking his hand that was offered to her mockingly. She tried to ignore how well it fit in her own small one.

"Ginny."

He watched her nose crinkle, a deep smile spreading across both of their lips contentedly.

It was something tangible, she thought, as her insides fired up, not out of lustful heat - though certainly that too - but something warm, like receiving hugs after being shoved outside in a freezing tent in the woods for months and months, with nothing but a piece of marked parchment to keep one sane.

Parchment?

Something within her squirmed, and she thought that if she listened closely enough, the sounds of seagulls cawing in the distance could easily be replaced by something akin to an audience crooning in sympathy.

As if watching a pair of hopeless lovers on a silver screen.

Suddenly, Nick's comically high pitched scream filled the air, allowing Ginny to shake her head at her crazy thoughts.

"It's just a ghost crab, Nick!" Jess yelled from far away, annoyed as her boyfriend jumped on her back in fright, almost causing her to topple over herself.

"Why are there crabs and ghosts, Jess! You can't have both! You know I always told you that crustaceans are the cockroaches of the sea! It's a crazy world out here!"

At Jess's blank stare, Nick chuckled incredulously, his last brain cell firing meekly. "Wait. I get it. You're teasing me, Jess. Ghosts aren't real. Psh. Nice try."

Nick's neck cricked as he glanced around in paranoia.

Jess rolled her eyes, attempting to drop him down from her back but failing badly, his legs wrapped around her like a vice. "Ghost. Crabs. Nick. I don't know why you're even scared of them - they even walk sideways like you do!"

"They should not be blending in with the sand like that! They're all spooky ghosts! It's not right!"

"You. Are. So. Infuriating, Miller!"

As Nick hopped off of Jess to moonwalk away from the ghost crabs, a thought came to Ginny.

"They kind of remind me of..." Both Harry and Ginny said at the exact same time, causing them to stare at each other hastily.

When neither of them finished their sentences (what even was I going to say anyways?), Ginny huffed. "Right," she said, "Well, I've got to head back now before Nick finds out that it's getting late, which can only mean that more ghost crabs are bound to be crawling all over the place soon."

He laughed but quickly became alarmed when she made to leave. "Wait."

She turned around, hand cupping her forehead to squint at him through the waning sun. Harry swallowed, eyes drifting to her red hair in a daze.

Before he could say anything, however, Schmidt and Winston's obnoxiously loud voices were shrill above the sounds of the waves crashing ahead of them.

"Of all places for a prank!" Clearly, Schmidt's ability to let things go was about as weak as Ginny's right hook. "Why did you decide to take us here in the end?"

"As in, why the East Coast and not a beach in a whole other expensive ass country? Damn, now that would have been a better prank."

Four legs reached out to kick sand in Winston's face, Ferguson following with a screech.

"But to be honest, I couldn't wait to see what the sunset looks like on the other side of the country."

Pause.

"Winston! We are on the East Coast! The sun falls west at night time! Look at where the sun is now," Schmidt gestured aggressively behind him, where towering beach homes covered the view. "You can't see the freakin' sunset on this beach, man!"

"Aw, damn, my bad."

"How are you actually one of the more intelligent people I know in my life?!"

If there was one thing she and Schmidt shared, Ginny concluded, it was their inability to handle rage.

Her eyes flitted to Jess, who was trying to catch her attention.

Ginny chuckled, holding up a hand to let her loftmate know to wait there when she saw her smiling knowingly towards her and Harry. She watched as Jess's eyebrows waggled dramatically, stuffing her index finger through a hole she made with her other hand in repetition as she chomped down on her lip.

Completely unfazed by her loftmate's quirks at that point, Ginny turned to Harry again.

"If we can't do that sunset, I suppose I'll have to make plans for a sunrise tomorrow before we head back to LA, then. Join me?"

His answering smile could make a grain of sand feel alive.

She had the strangest feeling that the sound she could have sworn she heard a while ago was ringing faintly in her ear once more.

This time, she thought she heard boisterous whoops instead, clapping cheerfully as Ginny smiled one last time to Harry before finally walking toward her friends.

…

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#so i may have wrote a crack crossover for hinnys birthday #im a little late but here you go #hinny #meet cute #harry x ginny #ginny weasley #this was written for the harry and ginny discord birthday challenge #new girl #who's that girl #its gin #i wrote this a while ago so idk if i entirely love it but oh well

[radiorenjun]

♣ Pairing: hybrid! Ten x human! Reader

♣ Warnings: Fluff, slight gore, comedy

♣ Summary: Everything was on the right track until you found a small black kitten shivering inside a cardboard box in the middle of a stormy evening.

---------------------------------------------

It was a day that weren't any different from the others. You go to school, study, tried not to fall asleep in the middle of class, and walk home with exhaustion filling your body.

Life was dull, yet simple. Your life was going on a right track, you were going to get your diploma soon and will be entering university. But everything changed on this faithful day.

----

You were walking home from school, your hand clutching the handle of your umbrella to prevent it from flying away from the strong wind. Your hair flowed against the wind, slightly wet from the rain.

Your boots making small splashes on the small puddles, the road was busy with traffic, cars and motorcycles honking their horns obnoxiously and the water droplets that are rapidly falling from the sky made loud sounds as they hit the surface.

You sighed, looking around at your surroundings. You were standing infront of a warm coffee shop, bright aesthetic colours flashing through the windows and the smell of coffee assaulted your nostrils. You smiled at the sight, but your eyes squinted as you saw a cardboard box on the side of the door.

You slowly walked towards it, hesitantly leaning your body forwards to see the contents of the box. A small black cat was shrivelled up in the corner of the box, it was shaking and purring, longing for warmth. It's fur was damp, indicating that it had been walking in the rain not long ago. The small cat was hiding under a thin sheet of newspaper, trying to get some warmth.

You felt sympathy for the unfortunate creature. You looked around to see if anyone was looking for it, your sympathy turned into concern as you bit your lip in thought. "Fuck it" you muttered before picking up the cardboard box, scooping it in your arms as the other held the umbrella.

"It's alright, lil fella. I'll get you all warmed up" you cooed softly to the small creature, causing it to let out a soft meow. You quickly walked up to the pet store nearby your apartment to buy some supplies.

You had always wanted a pet, but you never had time to actually get one. I guess this was an opportunity you can't miss. "Y/N? Oh, what brings you here?" the shopkeeper, Mrs Kim, greeted with a kind smile.

"Hey Mrs Kim. I'm sorry for stopping by so late, but, I picked up a little fella on the way home" you chuckled as you lay the box on the cashier counter and leaned your umbrella to the hanger. "Oh, a black kitten! How cute. Do you want to offer it a home here or something?" she asked, opening the box and examining the cat.

"Actually, I'm here for supplies. I've been wanting a cat for some time," you laughed, looking around the shop and picking up a bag of cat food. "Wow. I have a pet store where you can get a cat yet you chose a cat you found on the streets? Talk about betrayal," the woman joked. "I'm sorry," you laughed along.

You picked up a collar and some other supplies before placing them on the counter. "Is that all?" she asked, raising her brow. "I guess so, expect me to come here more often. I have never done anything like this" you shrugged, scratching the top of your head in confusion.

"Clearly." she agreed, giving you a nod. "What's that suppose to mean? Aren't you suppose to promote your products and making me buy them by pointing at what I'm doing wrong like you usually do back when you gave me Spanish tuitions?" you chuckled as you handed her your money.

"I want you to learn your mistakes, kid. Plus, it's nice to have you around the shop more. It's like you're avoiding this place like the plague" she exclaimed exasperatedly as she stuffed the items in a tote bag. "Very typical of you, Mrs Kim" you chuckled as you pack up to leave.

"You can leave through the back, y/n. It'll be much closer to the elevator of your apartment so that security won't boss you around" Mrs Kim said, pointing at the door beside the counter. "Really?" you gaped, "thanks, Mrs Kim!" you waved at her before entering the door and hurried to the elevator.

Pressing on the button and closing the door, you peeked through the cracks of the cardboard box to see that the small cat was still shivering. You tapped your foot impatiently as the door opened, you ran til you reached your door, jabbing the key through the keyhole and entering.

Your parents were out of town for a few months for a business trip, leaving you home alone, which was a relief. You'd talk to them about the cat later. You quickly turned on the heater, spreading a towel on the small bed you bought for the cat and laying the small creature on it.

You placed a small warm cloth ontop and a small blanket to help it warm up. You let out a sound of relief once you see that the cat was no longer shivering but snuggling against the soft fabrics. You chuckled, rubbing your thumb gently on the cat's head before rushing to the kitchen and heating up some milk.

You placed the warm bowl of milk infront of the cat that was laying on the bed on your floor. You sat down close to it, leaning your head against your palm which was ontop of the seats of your sofa. You sighed contently as you watched the cat sipped it's milk, giving you glances with its beady eyes as it does so.

You grabbed the red collar in your hands and picked up the cat which gazed at you with dull eyes. You clipped on the blood red collar around it's neck, the gold bead hanging from the middle as you picked the cat up in the car with your palms. "Im gonna name you... Ten!" you exclaimed aloud before giving a small pause of thought.

It all happened so suddenly. One moment you were holding your new pet cat, the next moment a large bright black glow illuminated the dark room and your palms felt heavy. Soon, a large male around your age appeared in your arms.

Due to his heavy weight, you collapsed backwards. You fell onto your back, taking the boy down with you as you let out a sharp yelp of shock. He let out a grunt, his forearms on the sides of your head to support himself, trapping you in between his body. His face was only a few centimeters away from yours, you could feel his breath hitting your face.

His hair was jet black, eyes dull with boredom. He was wearing a black jacket with a white and black striped shirt inside. Your collar remained in his neck, clasping around it perfectly.

He face morphed into a scowl at you as you felt something tight on your neck. You look down to see a translucent chain connecting the two of you. A translucent collar laying over his neck loosely. Your eyes widened as you realised you had a translucent collar wrapped around your neck as well.

Soon, the feeling faded away and the collar and chains disappeared. The boy let out a loud, "tch" before getting up and sitting on the couch and wrapping himself in the comforts of your blankets. "H-Hey!" you exclaimed, still shocked.

"Isn't this just troublesome" he muttered, his tone obviously filled with annoyance. "What are you doing in my house? Who are you?" you exclaimed, standing up and glaring at the stranger.

He had a fit body, his collarbones were showing and he had an undercut. He looked astonishingly handsome, that's something you can't deny. But who was he? And why was he here, in your living room? Where's Ten?

You tried to push him out of your couch but he wouldn't budge, "this girl's violent" he mumbled as he continued to ignore my exclaims. I slipped on the ceramic tile while trying to push the handsome stranger off of my sofa but ended up falling flat on his lap.

"Tch. Clumsy" he spat, looking down at you with annoyance. You blushed as you quickly got up and grabbed him by his jacket and pulled as tightly as you can, he was taken aback at the action as he got up and stumbled on the floor.

"Get out!" you yelled angrily, your face flushed with embarrassment. "God, humans are such cruel creatures. Have she ever even seen a hybrid?" he complained as he sat on the floor with you trying to pull him by his leather jacket. "Shut up, you evil spirit!" you hissed before taking a pause.

"Wait... Hybrid?" you questioned, halting your actions. "Aren't hybrids supposed to show physical appearance of a specific animal? You look like a regular human to me" you exclaimed, raising a brow. "I'll talk more bout that later. Can you fetch me some tea or something?" he sighed, looking at the floor.

"I-I don't even know what to say" you stammered angrily. "Geez, no need to get angry. I'll leave when the sun goes down" he waved it off, huffing slightly. "For now, don't mention my name while I'm in my human form" he grumbled.

"I-I don't e-even know your name! I thought you're a regular cat so I named you 'Ten'" you exclaimed, letting go of his jacket and crossing you arms. As soon as you spoke the name you given him, a bright glow circled your necks as a magical white aura surrounded you.

A chain immediately connecting between your necks, your eyes widened at the majestic sight before it quickly faded away after an echoing sound of chains clashing against each other.

"You're so stupid," the boy huffed before you got up and grabbed him by the collar and shook him as hard as you could in panic while yelling out the words, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"

"You complain too much" he smirked. "STOP MUTTERING NONESENSE AND TELL ME WHATS GOING ON" you screamed. "Explaining is such a pain" he whined as he seems unfazed by your aggressive shaking. "Well, the only thing I can tell you at the moment is..." he sighed, glancing down on the floor before looking up at you.

"I think we're gonna die before we could get along" he smiled wearily. Your eye twitched in annoyance before you clenched your jaw tightly, "I was thinking the same thing!" you spat.

-----------------------

"A Rare Hybrid Species?" you asked as you vacuumed the floor. "How can I explain this?" he mumbled to himself as he munched on your left over cookies.

"My kind of hybrids are called the Abyss Hybrids. We live to protect our mates and our caretakers. As long as they are fed with affection, they will get energy to obey their mate's troubkesome orders" he explained while scratching his neck.

"We each have our own individual named but I ain't telling you mine" he grinned as he munched. "Shut up!" you exclaimed, "I don't get it but... Whatevr just happened, couldn't be the contract, right?" you asked with a shaking tone.

You didn't want to be bound for the rest of your existence with this annoying ungrateful thing. "It was a temporary contract, dont worry" he shrugged, dropping some cookies into his mouth. "As long as I don't receive any affection from you in the next 24 hours, it'll automatically get cancelled" he stated.

You sighed in relief, turning off the vacuum cleaner and putting it in the storage closet of your apartment. "Twenty-Four hours, Huh?" you hummed before picking Ten up, who is in his cat form, and placing him on the door of your apartment.

"Til then, you could hurry and wander wherever you want" you smiled. Closing the door and walking away, suddenly, you felt a strong tug against your neck. A translucent chain going through your door, as you opened it again you saw the cat looking at you with disappointment. "That's what I was gonna tell you next, til then, we can only be a certain distance apart" he squeaked.

"You gotta be shitting me!" you groaned. "Do I have to be with this idiot for 24 hours?" he mumbled with an exhausted sigh. "Same goes for you!" you tugged on the chain that connected you two and pulled his sleeping figure inside.

-----------------------

You walked out to meet your friends after a while later. "A hybrid? Really?" your friend, Cheonsa, asked in disbelief as she raised a brow at the cat you were holding. "Sure, y/n" she chuckled.

"Why isn't Haneul here?! She's always the one talking bout these things!" you whined, looking around at your big group of friends. As you looked at the window of a shop, a dark silhouette reflected on the glass as it did a flip from a lamp post and landed infront of you.

"Come one, come all!" a magician appeared before you in pink and white clothing. "Oh cool! A street performance!" Cheonsa exclaimed, clapping her hands excitedly. "These things are lame, let's just go" Kai sighed, stuffing his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he turned to walk away.

The magician howled with laughter as he pulled Kai back, making Kai look at him uncomfortably. "No one ignores me" the magician laughed before stabbing Kai in the shoulder without hesitation.

The people around us screamed, running for their lives as they reached the gate. The magician flipped to hang under a pole clapping happily to themselves. "You know what's rarer than a magician? A hybrid!" they laughed.

"A hybrid? You're a hybrid?!" you gasped, as the rest of my friends surrounded Kai to check if he's okay. "Indeed I am, and I heard you picked one up yesterday, did you not?" they smiled maliciously, sending shivers down your spine.

"Are you... His friend?" you gulped, looking at him with hesitation. "A FRIEND?? I despise that black cat! Oh where is he?" they growled. "Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul! Come out, come out, wherever you are! Oh Chittaphon!" they yelled.

Chittaphon? Is that his real name? Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul?

"Oh well, I'll just have to kill to attract his attention" they chuckled, pulling out a blade and aiming it towards you. You froze in fear, unable to move to prevent the hit. As they charged at you, you embraced yourself as you shut your eyes tightly.

"You're so troublesome" a familiar voice growled before the sound of a blade piercing skin entered your eardrums. You jerked your eyes wide open to see that Ten was infront of you and had taken the hit, the blade was pierced through his chest as blood dripped from the corners of his mouth and is now oozing out of the wound from his chest.

"Run. There's not much I can do right now with my lack of strength, I can hold them back for a while" he coughed, using his bare hand to grip the sharp blade and pulled it out of his chest before applying pressure to the wound, coughing up blood in the process.

You furrowed your brows in determination, you couldn't just leave him here. Someone needs to save the day, and that isn't your. Nor him. It's the both of you.

You got up to your feet and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, fighting back your embarrassment. The contact made the chains reappear, though it had a more opaque colour, black. The collar was gone, instead the chains were attached to your necks. You could feel the skin at the nape of your neck touching a cold metal.

"You're so troublesome, you're making my life harder" Ten chuckled at you, rubbing the spot you kissed before his eyes glowed a bright black. You watch him lick his lips before engaging in combat, you watched in awe as he fought, winning with ease with his new-found strength.

--------------------------

After knowing Ten for about a few months, and turning into his mate in the process, you both had no choice but to cooperate and try to get along. After the whole incident, fortunately, every eyewitness' memories had been erased and Kai went to the hospital thinking he got into a car crash which was peculiar.

Ten? He's living with you now. Munching to his hearts content, watching TV and even sleeping in the same bed as you do. You two were getting along pretty well and his negative attitude developed into a sweet and kind one.

It was as if he was a whole new person. Though, in all the time you knew bout him, the worst thing about having a hybrid as a mate was his hormones. And unfortunately for you, you had to deal with them.

"Y/N" he mumbled, snaking his arms around you tightly as you both lay on the sofa watching some anime. "What?" you asked, as you popped in some popcorn into your mouth. "Y/n" he whined, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck.

"What's wrong?" you groaned, trying to enjoy the movie. His arms tighten around you and you felt him inhale rapidly, sniffing your scent. Suddenly, you felt his tongue flat on your neck, licking up a stripe. You squeaked, trying to pull away from him but his grip was too tight.

He continued, unfazed by your reaction, licking stripes up your neck with a slight smile. "Ten, stop" you whined, pushing at his chest when you finally realise what's going on. "You smell so good" he purred against your neck, gazing into your eyes.

He bit his lip as his eyes glanced up and down at your frame. "Y/n" he whined as he started grinding his hips against yours, "Ten, no, let me enjoy my movie" you grumbled, your cheeks were starting to get hot.

"Please?" he whined, stretching out the 'e' childishly as he grinded against you harder, his hands grabbing at your wrists. "Chittaphon-" you warned, looking at the TV and avoiding Ten's eyes. He smiled down at you with lust obvious in his pupils. "I told you not to call me that, especially when I'm in heat" he grinned.

"You asked for it"

Sweet lord baby Jesus have mercy on me and forgive me for my sins OH gawd.

#nct chittaphon #chittaphon x reader #chittaphon fluff #chittaphon smut #wayv chittaphon #wayv ten #wayv reactions #wayv smut #wayv scenarios #wayv

[gloriousstudentfury-love]

The Death of Mrs. Resnick ✰

y/n’s POV

I sat squished between Alex and his baseball gear, on the way to one of his games. I wasn't my plan to go, but Penelope and Alex didn't really give me much of a choice.

"Mom, I'm gonna miss the first pitch. Go faster!" Alex groaned

"Alex, you know Mrs. Resnick doesn't go faster. Unless we're going downhill, then she might not stop." Penelope sighed, grilling tighter on the steering wheel

"We are so late. Just try." He complained, slouching further down into his seat

She slammed the petal to go faster and the car started rattling. I held on to my seat with slight fear of stopping in the middle of LA traffic.

"Mom, I smell gas." Elena said

"All right." Penelope nodded, whipping out a bottle of air freshener to get rid of the smell

"Wow, That smells nice. What is that?" I asked, slightly sniffing the air

"It's Hawaii." She smiled

"Maybe the car's mad because papi stuck it with a name like Mrs. Resnick." Elena joked

"You know your papi named her after a hot teacher he had a crush on." Penelope informed her kids

"Our math teacher is pretty hot." I said16

Alex flicked me and I flicked him back. We got into a flicking war until he decided to speak up about the car, again.

"Yeah, but by now I bet Mr. Resnick's traded her in for a younger model." Alex said, making me smack off his hat

"That's not funny papito." Penelope snapped

"It's not funny. Society treats middle aged women shamefully. I read a study online-" Elena started, prepared to go on a full on rant

"Okay, who wants to hear some tunes?" Penelope interrupted

We all groaned, as she began to play a sappy live song. Penelope smiled at the song choice and began to sing along. Elena grew annoyed with the obnoxious music and paused it.

"Aw, right before the good part." Penelope complained

"There is no good part." I commented

"That CD has been stuck in this car my whole life." Elena said

"Uh, excuse me? It's a cassingle." Penelope said, offended by Elena's words

All of a sudden the car began to make sounds started slowing down. I looked out the window to notice the other cars attempting to pass the one we were in.

"Why are we slowing down? Who turned on the AC? You know Mrs. Resnick can't handle that!" Penelope freaked

"I'm sorry, but it's 90 degrees and you won't let us roll the windows down." Elena apologized with a small sigh

"Because then they don't go back up. And it's only a crime to leave children in a hot car if it's parked. I looked it up!" Penelope continued to rant

The car stopped and we all sighed as we sat in the middle of the street.

"Great. Okay, guys. You know the drill." Penelope spoke

We all held hands in prayer, while Penelope tried to fix the car the broken down car. She turned the key in the ignition and the engine started. We all cheered in happiness as the car began to more forward again.

"See? Mrs. Resnick's still got it." Penelope said

The engine sputtered one last time before it finally died out, with no chance of starting it up again.

"It's probably 20 minutes until the tow truck gets here. So, what should we do to pass them time?" Penelope asked after she'd called a company and let them know about where we were

She smirked before she started to play her music again. I sighed but ultimately let a smile take over my face when I realized that me and Alex were still holding hands from our prayer.. Maybe I do like my best friend, as much as I'd rather not admit.

____________

Later, we walked into the Alvarez apartment to find Lydia on the couch with a face mask on. I've used plenty of face masks before, so I wasn't to bothered to find the woman's face covered.

"Oh, hello." Lydia greeted

"What are you doing, Mami?" Penelope asked with a small laugh

"This is supposed to make your skin glow. It's called a shit mask." Lydia said

We all laughed at the way she pronounced it, while I took a seat in the arm chair besides the couch.

"Mami, 'sheet'. It's called a sheet mask." Penelope said, putting emphasis on the proper way to pronounce it

"That's what I said, shit." She repeated, finding no difference in the way we pronounced it vs the way she did

"So, would you say you are sheet-faced right now?" Elena joked

"Stop! Or the sheet will hit the fan." Penelope joined in

"You are back so late, I decided to have a little me time." Lydia commented

"Can you feel it working? Hey, guys." Schneider greeted, coming out from the kitchen wearing a similar mask.

His phone alarm went off, making me jump a bit. He took it out of his pocket, and smiled at the older woman on the couch.

"And we are 29 again." Schneider smiled as they took off their masks, "Where you guys been? And why didn't you text me?"

I knew his last question was pointed at me, so I gave him a small smile, "My phone died."

"Mrs. Resnick broke down again and had to be towed to the mechanic." Elena said, referring to the first question he had asked

"Hector's lookin at it now." Penelope said

"Oh, how is Hector? I feel like I haven't seen him in days." Lydia said

"Oh, papito. What happened to your pants?" Elena asked, smirking at the tear in Alex's pants

"I ripped them getting out of the trunk." Alex said, glaring at me as I laughed

"You keep him in the trunk now?" Lydia asked

"No, the doors got stuck again so we all had to climb out through the back." Penelope said

"It's terrible. Now the whole team calls me "Butt-Trunk Boy." Alex groaned

"They could've call you 'junk in the trunk.' It was right there." I added, still laughing at his accident

The cell phone rang and Penelope picked it up, letting us know it was Hector. Not wanting to bother myself with information about the car, I made my to the kitchen to get some food.

When I came back in, Penelope was in the middle of telling the story of her first date with their father.

"He even wrote our initials in a little heart in the bill. I still have it somewhere." She said, making me smile even though I hadn't heard the rest of the story

"Aw, you never take us to Malibu." Alex said

"That's what you got from that story?" I asked, popping some of the grapes I stole into my mouth

"Yeah, but the good news is you're getting a new car." Schneider said

"Oh, sure, I'll just have the butler pick it up." She sarcastically replied

"Oh, butlers work at the estate." Schneider said laughing, "Chauffeurs pick up the car."

"Lupe, if you need money for a car, I am here to help. I will teach dance again! It is a gift that I have withheld from the world far too long." Lydia declared with a large smile

"She taught me how to salsa. She was amazing." Schneider agreed

"I do it for the joy. You owe me $30." Lydia said, pointing at the tall man

"Okay, well, why don't we take public transportation and reduce our carbon footprint? It's the best way to save money, and besides, I don't want you to have to go into my college fund." Elena said

"College fund? You see that dish of change by the door? That's your college fund. Well, not the quarters, cause I need that for laundry." Penelope laughed

"Elena, mi niña, a family needs a car. In Cuba, my best memories are the long rides with my papi in a Chevy the size of this apartment. It was glorious. His beloved daughter on one side and on the other, his beloved bottle of rum." Lydia said

"That sounds dangerous." Alex commented

"No, no, no, no, we didn't have seatbelts back then. We would just roll out quick." Lydia insisted

"Well, I'm going to start taking public transportation, you know, to help atone for the environmental devastation that my ancestors and their gas guzzlers so cruelly left to this earth." Elena said

"Why does everything have to be a crusade that is also annoying?" Lydia asked

"Abuelita is right. We need a car, but we can't afford a car. Unless we get a crazy good deal, which means we're screwed, because... car salesman are scary." Penelope said

"But not to you. You were in the Army!" Alex said

"Yeah, you're always saying you're a badass." Elena agreed

"I am a badass! But I'm also kind of a scaredy cat, you know, because .... I never bought a car before, you know? That salesman is gonna see me coming a mile away. Then he's gonna do that thing where he talks to the guy. And then they're gonna day something about floor mats, and then blah blah blah, I wake up in an ice tub, because someone took my kidneys." Penelope said

I shut my eyes and zoned out the rest of their conversation.

____________

The next day, Schneider, Alex, and I all came back from Alex's baseball game. Again, I was dragged from ballet practice to the game, because Schneider insisted he needed moral support. Not for Alex, but himself.

"Mom, today was the best!" Alex grinned, slamming open the door

"Ooh!" Penelope cheered, noticing all of our happy expressions

"Everyone saw me in Schneider's Range Rover and thought I was a total pimp!" Alex laughed

I rolled my eyes at the boy's excitement. You'd think he'd be happy that they won the game, but he cared more for his bragging rights.

"Don't say pimp or you'll get grounded!" Penelope snapped

"Seriously, Mom. His car is amazing. The seats warm up. You wouldn't think you'd want a warm butt... but you totally do." Alex said

"It's all the best parts of peeing your pants without any wetness." Schneider said

"You should've seen Schneider. The other parents were obsessed." I said, finally joining in on their conversation

"Connie Merkelson told me she's never seen someone slice apples with such grace." Schneider said as me and Alex headed to his room.

______________

Schneider has fallen asleep after we finished watching a bunch of romantic comedies, so I decided to go see my friend. Knowing everyone else was probably asleep, I took Schneider's main key and quietly opened the door

"Alex!!" I whispered knocking on his door

"What?" He asked gently opening it, so I could come in

"Schneider fell asleep and.. I don't think that needs a further explanation." I said, taking a spot on the end of his bed

"That's not as bad as the signs that my Abuelita put around town." He said, shuddering at the memory

"Also, here's your sweatshirt back. I borrowed it that day you spilt food all over me, so here." I said handing him the grey hoodie

"Nah. Keep it. Looks better on you anyway." He smiled going back to the homework that sat on his desk

I blushed lightly at his comment, but brushed it off before composing myself once again

"Did your mom get a new car?" I asked, changing the subject

"Uh huh, it's no Range Rover but it's nice." He smiled

"Mhm." I said, flopping onto his bed, "Wake me up if I fall asleep."

______________

Yeet! Update! Also, what are some other shows you guys would like to see? I need ideas. 

#odaat #alex alvarez

[fae-fucker]

Zenith: Chapter 33-36

Chapter 33

So we’re back in Andi’s POV, finally. She’s woken up by Dex who is all worried and Andi vomits in his lap and then thinks about how sexy he is. Mind you, they are in a ship filled with corpses and there’s an unconscious and busted Valen near them who’s probably dying slowly, plus the vomit.

But I guess that just turns Andi on more? Discuss.

They find Valen barely alive among the corpses and Dex is surprised he’s not dead.

Hey bud. Didn’t you throw the guy down a flight of stairs a few chapters ago? I don’t think you’re in any position to make glib remarks, my guy.

Andi takes out the pilot with a shoelace, which, alright, and Dex says something about how she’s still afraid to fly a ship because she asks him to do it. Wow, an actual symptom of PTSD? In my Zenith? What a time to be alive. 

The chapter ends with Andi angsting about how she’s had to murder another person. Except she didn’t have to do that. She could’ve just knocked the pilot out and locked them in the storage with the other corpses to get rescued later. The pilot didn’t know there were live people on board so they wouldn’t know who attacked them anyway. I mean yeah they’d probably sustain brain damage but they wouldn’t be dead.

Methinks Andi really likes murder and justifies it to herself by saying it’s a necessity. 

Chapter 34

We’re in Dex’s POV and he’s complaining about how everything smells like trash on the Marauder now that Alfie took the door off the trash shoot. 

Hey. Hey why don’t you just ... blast it out? Like. Just shoot the trash out. Why do you store it on the ship that gets lighter and faster when you spend ammo? You’re in space. Just blast that shit. Or convert it into biofuel. Apparently it smells of “unmentionable” things so that makes me wonder if they store their actual shit in there as well? What the fuck is in their trash department that it smells so bad? If they can’t blast out the trash (which makes no sense), why didn’t they get rid of it when they were getting repairs before the mission? Why didn’t they get rid of it during the numerous times they’ve landed? Why the fuck does this ship have a dedicated trash department anyway? 

The little fire-haired gunner had wanted to know if the blood on Andi belonged to her or some “now-ball-less bastard,” to which the giantess had responded, Of course it’s not hers, Gil. And don’t say bastard. Say prick.

Comedy. 

Dex is being patched up by Alfie (who is described as “fawning” over his wounds, which doesn’t sound right), and thinks about how he’s gonna drink himself into oblivion later. Alcoholism? Love it. I bet Shinsay will know exactly how to handle this, with how many references their super cool and mature characters make to getting absolutely shitfaced.

Dex sulks himself out of the “med bay” (Why don’t these idiots have medical staff? For the same reason they don’t have mechanics I suppose.) to go and update General Cortas on their progress. 

The general is all grumpy and shit and reminds Dex that he’s in charge and can fuck him up good if anything happens to Valen, and tells him to keep Andi away from him. Because he thinks Andi will ... kill Valen too? I guess he thinks Andi is addicted to murdering his kids or smth. 

Anyway, Dex gets all mopey because the big scary man said some mean things but then he hears classical music and enters Andi’s room. It’s time for some bullshit, lads. 

Chapter 35

So finally we get the scene where Andi “dances” with the dead, which turns out to actually just happen in her head while she spaces out and cries. She imagines herself on a stage with an audience of ghosts of all the people she’s killed, and they come up and dance with her one by one and she “memorizes” their features. I’m not sure how she does that because the narration during action scenes keeps emphasizing how quick and cool she is so I have no idea how she can “memorize” the features of someone she’s probably only looked at for a couple of seconds at most. Also, I dunno why she’s memorizing something she clearly already remembers. I know it’s a nitpick but it’s just bad, y’all.

If this is supposed to be atonement ... God I hope it’s not. It’s honestly written like it makes Andi some sort of pure angel who just Does What She Has To, instead of just being a coping mechanism. Behold:

Tears streaked down Andi’s cheeks, pulling her from the vision she’d created so clearly in her mind. The music grew louder, silencing her tears. She closed her eyes and forced herself back into her mind. She owed this to the dead. This pain, this dance, this time where she gave herself fully to their memory.

Anyway, the last ghost is Kalee of course, and I’m not entirely sure how many people Andi’s killed if every single dance is as detailed and long as the ones with latest ghosts (the descriptions are quite lengthy so I assume it’s a couple of minutes or so), but it looks like Kalee’s ghost has to sit there and wait a while lmao. Even in death this brat can’t catch a break.

Sorry, I know I’m laughing at trauma here, but it’s not real trauma, it’s badly written melodramatic trauma. Like, I just don’t see someone who genuinely doesn’t like to murder people keep “crossing that line” (yes, apparently whenever Andi does a murder, she “crosses a line” she’s set for herself, wowza) and all they do for atonement is keeping a mental list and queue of all the fake made-up ghosts she needs to dance with. Like. I get that people cope differently but this is less of a coping mechanism and more Shinsay crossing shit off a list to make Andi more palatable.

I just don’t believe it. Not after I’ve seen how proud she is of being the Bloody Baroness and how Glorious it feels to Do A Murder.

Also, this chapter is rife with weird fucking grammar and writing in general. Some examples: 

[Kalee] was dressed in a shimmering blue gown that swirled around her ankles like fragments of cloud.

“Fragments of cloud”????

The transport creaked. Groaned, as the fire licked closer and closer.

Why did you. Break, the sentence up like that. 

The chapter ends with Dex giving Andi some time to pause her PTXD so they can have the talk she promised him. Which is nice of him, I guess. Despite being obnoxious and a dweeb, Dex manages to be better than every SJM love interest ever? Wow.

Oh but don’t you worry, it lasts uuuh until just now.

Chapter 36

Andi thinks about how sexie Dex is now that he’s washed the blood and vomit off and changed some clothes. Which ... there’s no mention of him doing since he returned from the corpse hauling ship ... The last chapter from his POV had him arriving at the Marauder and having his wounds checked, after which he instantly went to call General Cortas, and then he went directly to Andi. 

I guess he’s got time travel powers? Or are we supposed to believe he showered before being brought into the med bay?

Whatever. 

Dex says that Andi doesn’t know the “full story” behind the reason he turned her over to the Patrolmen, and Andi responds with:

“I loved you, and you threw me away like some common whore!”

But god forbid we actually say the word “sex” or stop being immature little shits every moment we make a dirty reference, amirite guys? Calling women whores and sluts is a-ok but if you even TRY to discuss sexuality in a mature and relaxed way you WILL get eaten by the mommy police.

Dex is like “pwease wissen to me :C” and she’s like “fucking dammit he’s just so hot not to listen to”:

She wanted him to hurt. To feel the soul-deep pain, just as she did. Physical wounds would heal, but the internal scars never would.

SOUL-DEEP PAIN. 

Not sure Andi has a soul but go off.

“You were my whole world. You showed me that I could still be loved. When everyone else—an entire planet full of people—hated me so much they wished me dead, even my own parents...I found you. I started to live again. I started to trust. Then I lost you, too, just like all the others. You turned away, just like they did.”

Thanks for mapping out the exact reasons for your angst, Andi. It’s not like we’re clever enough to know you have trust- and/or abandonment issues.

More like Angstdi amirite?

Dex gets all defensive and instead of giving her the real reason for his betrayal, he starts mouthing off and justifying himself.

“I turned you in because you were running from the law! You lied to me about your past, Andi. I did nothing that wasn’t expected of me! My duty as a Guardian was to the welfare of the galaxy, not to some runaway Spectre who’d failed her entire planet! You made the choice to fly that transport ship. It was your hands that crashed it. Your failure that killed Kalee! You ran, Androma.” 

H-hey bud? This is, as far as you know, your only chance to justify yourself. Maybe calm your tits and tell her what you’ve been keeping secret instead of confirming her beliefs about you? Since you were so desperate to talk to her?

No? Ok. For someone who displays some amount of emotional maturity (good god I can’t believe I just said that about fiking Dex Dogtective), you sure do get fired up easily, huh. Must be all that will-they-won’t-they tension.

They circled each other like predators, blood boiling, bodies shaking with rage as the stars looked on.

I can promise you the stars have better things to do than to give a shit about this petty squabble, Shinsay.

“Did you ever think about my side in all of this, Androma?” Dex’s voice cracked suddenly as he ran his fingers through his dark hair. “You may think you know the whole story, but you are so consumed by hate that you only see yourself.”

SO MAYBE STOP JUSTIFYING YOUR ACTIONS AND ACTUALLY TELL HER WHY YOU DID IT IF IT’S SO FUCKING IMPORTANT FOR HER TO KNOW?!

But no, we can’t have that yet. He follows it up with this:

“Your side of the story doesn’t matter. You sunk a knife into my chest. You stole my ship and left me to die.”

BECAUSE YOU TURNED HER OVER TO THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD MURDER HER. 

CAN YOU MAYBE NOT?! 

HOLY SHIT DEX DOGTECTIVE YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING MORON, AREN’T YOU? 

No wonder she fuckin stabbed you. I would’ve stabbed you multiple times and made sure you were actually dead before leaving your sorry ass.

Anyway, they stare at each other and Dex is all “uwu ur the only woman I ever loved” and we all know that doesn’t mean bi!Dex because Shinsay can’t think of a their manly man getting dicked down by another man, nu-uh.

Then we finally get the reason Dex did it. You see ...

They had his dad. And threatened to kill him if he didn’t turn Andi in.

Yeah. That old chestnut. It does unfortunately open up all of the plot holes. Like for example, if they knew where Dex was, why didn’t they just ... find him and thus find Andi? They knew she was with him. He was a Guardian at that point, surely they know where their men are stationed? Apparently he’d known Andi for a year when he turned her in, and he hadn’t realized who she was until the general’s men approached him. So ... how did the Patrolmen realize he was with Andi if even he didn’t know it? Or did they just threaten a family member of every Guardian on the off-chance that one of them knew Andi and would give her up to save them?

Maybe there’s something I’m missing, but this smacks of contrivance for the sake of conflict. 

Anyway, apparently Dex had tried to give Andi a head start the morning before he turned her in. By giving her a vaguely worded warning that she didn’t get. 

What a peach. 

They bribed Dex on top of threatening his father, which is like, beating him with the carrot stick, and I don’t understand it at all. But Dex feels very terrible about what he did to teh womaine he wuvs :c and apparently tried to plead with them that she was young and made a mistake. 

“Andi,” Dex whispered. “Please. Look at me. Tell me we can move past this. We both made mistakes. We both made our choices, and we’ve had to live with them.”

Seems a little manipulative there, Dexyboy. I’m getting a lot of mixed messages, but the loudest one seems to be “you did a bad and I did a smaller bad that’s justified and I feel kinda bad but also you’re also at fault and can we bone again please” and I’m not into it, Dexyboy. 

You wanted her to get away, to give her a head start. You agree that she’s innocent and she made a mistake when she was a child. Yet you blame her for stabbing you and fleeing from certain death? Ok. 

I mean, I get it, getting stabbed probably ain’t so fun, especially when it’s the womaine you lurv :c, and sure maybe it hurts both physically and emotionally to have her turn on you so fast and without hesitation ... BUT YOU DID PROVOKE IT BY TURNING HER OVER TO PEOPLE WHO WOULD DEFO 100% MURDER HER ASS. If you love her so much, can’t you extend just a bit of sympathy for her actions? Since you are the reason she did those things in the first place? Fucking dumbass.

Also, why the fuck have you been acting like a huge cocky asshole this whole time since you reunited? For kicks?

I get Shinsay wanted a sexie snarky love interest just like SJMommy but they’ve done it at the cost of consistent characterization.

Andi says that there’s no getting back to how it was and tells Dex to leave so she can cry and carve more tallies into her swords.

It’s very deep, y’all.

#eff reads: zenith

[fantasticescapism]

Brothers in Everything but Blood - Chapter 2: Meeting Spider-man

Click here for Chapter 1.

Part 4 of the Never Truly Gone series

Also available at AO3.

Harley’s one time visit turned into an overnight, twice a month thing at Tony’s workshop ever since he met Peter. No complaints there; that only meant more time to play with awesome tech and work on the ASM with him. He liked Peter Parker. It's like having a younger, better behaved brother, unlike his sister and her celebrity obsessions.

Although, Harley had a feeling there’s more to him than a genius fellow intern. At first, he thought it was just the often expected jealousy he should feel when he had to share Tony’s time and attention but, he didn’t feel jealous at all. He’s already an older brother to an excitable little sister so, sharing wasn’t a big deal. In fact lately, he’d been feeling a little protective over his new friend in light of the recent things he observed.

There were times when Peter came in with bruises and Harley’s first reaction was anger. His memories of years being bullied at school - along with the fights he had with her sister’s bullies - were pushed to the forefront of his mind. He confronted Peter about it once but the guy’s adamant the bruises were just him being hopelessly clumsy. Harley doubted it though, the steady way Peter handled the dangerous chemicals at the workshop proved otherwise. No, those bruises were from bullies, or maybe New York’s really as dangerous as most folks back home would say.

Harley asked Tony about it once when it was just the two of them - Peter said he would be late - and all he said was, “He’s just clumsy.” Tony sucks at lying. They’ve known each other for years, he should know he couldn’t lie to Harley.

“Right, and I’m more of a saint than Mother Teresa.” Harley raised an eyebrow at his mentor.

“Kid,” Tony sighed before he faced him, “it’s Peter’s business.”

“You’re not the type that would leave things like this alone, especially if it involves someone you personally know.” He narrowed his eyes.

“I know.” A hesitant pause. “Okay, Peter does have a bully-”

“His school’s in Midtown, right?”

“Whoa, wait.” Tony placed his arm around his shoulders. “Are you really going to his school, potato boy?”

“That reminds me. I can test out my new potato gun.”

“New?!” Tony’s incredulous.

“It’s Mark 10.”

“Harley, you- you have to let Peter handle it.”

“I just,” he huffed, “just really hate bullies.”

“I know.” Tony smiled fondly at him. He seemed to be mulling over something before he spoke again. “Alright, those bruises aren’t from this bully. The dickwad never resort to physical harm so, it’s something else.”

“At home?” He scowled.

“Oh no! Aunt Hottie is scary when mad but he loves Peter with her whole life.”

“Okay then.” He’s still determined to find out what’s going on and it looked like Tony’s aware of that.

“It’s not my story to tell but, maybe in time, you’ll figure it out.” Tony’s eyes sparkled like those times he gave him puzzles, confident that he could solve them. Challenge accepted!

---

Peter came in later with a busted lip and a sheepish smile. Tony saw him first and he definitely didn’t like what he saw.

“Kid, what the hell?!” Tony blurted out.

“Sorry, sorry. I know I’m late. It won’t ha-”

“That’s not what he meant, dude! What happened to you?” Harley pointed at his friend’s face. Who the hell did that to him?!

“Oh, uuh… I-I bumped into a street lamp.” Peter blushed.

“Really now?” If Tony’s raised eyebrows could reach his hairline, it would.

“Y-yeah.” Peter let out an embarrassed chuckle. “I’m okay! Just didn’t pay attention.”

“If you say so, here.” Harley sighed and retrieved an ice pack from their mini-fridge and tossed it towards the guy. Harley swore Peter didn’t look at the tossed ice pack. He was about to apologize but Peter effortlessly caught it. It was impressive… and suspicious. “Whoa! Got a sixth sense or somethin’?”

“Just luck! Lucky.” Peter nervously chuckled then gave him a tight-lipped smile. At the corner of his eye, he saw Tony facepalm.

“You got luck in opposite extremes, dude.” Harley laughed when suddenly, he received a notification on his phone. As he pulled it out of his pocket, he absent-mindedly saw Tony walk towards Peter as they conversed in whispers. It was a Twitter notification. His sister often tagged him in memes.

@harhar spidey’s at it again! lmao! you met him yet?

It was a tweet from The Daily Bugle but the source wasn’t important. The picture attached was glorious! it's like the dark clouds parted, a ray of sun bathed him with light and a choir of angels sang Allelujah!

Huh.

Harley grinned like the devil. This would be fun.

---

Harley loved the comfortable silence in the workshop once all three started working. They worked together like a well-oiled machine; not much words needed, just looks and signals. This time though, Harley decided to disrupt the flow a bit.

“So Tony, when are you going to introduce me to Spider-man?” Harley almost snorted when he saw Peter freeze in the corner of his eye. Harley feigned ignorance, of course.

“That depends if he’s free. Why the sudden interest?” Harley looked up and saw Tony’s genuine question.

“Well, my little sister Faith - you remember, wanna be an actress, obnoxious - she’s a huge fan. Like real huge. She even got this life-size cut-out of Spider-man and lugged it around at a party back home.” He desperately reined in his amusement when he saw Peter’s red-as-a-tomato face.

“Really?” Tony narrowed his eyes at him.

“Yeah, here.” He pulled out the photo he took of Faith hugging her Spider-man cut-out from his phone and showed it to Tony. “See?”

“Huh.” Tony smirked. Harley then turned the phone to let Peter see too and he wasn’t disappointed at his reaction.

“Where-where did she-where did she get that?” Peter crossed his arms.

“She’s part of this fan club; said she won it at a raffle.” With wide eyes, Peter looked at Tony at the mention of a fan club. “That’s the internet for you. They have fandoms for pretty much anythin’. Did you guys know there are Spider-man fanfiction stories? She told me all about it.” He gave Tony a slight smirk and at that moment, he knew Tony knows he knew. He watched as Tony’s eyes sparkled with mischief for a second before he played along.

“Is that so? Is it as huge as mine’s.”

“Nah, Spidey's new so there's not that many, yet.” Harley saw Peter desperately trying to get back to work and feign nonchalance but his fidgety fingers won’t let him. “I scanned some of them. There’s action, angst, comedy and then, there’s a lot - and I mean a lot - of smut.”

“W-w-what?!” Oh, Peter. Harley’s delighted though.

“Yeah. One time, when I was really concerned, had to make sure Faith's internet searches are PG so I checked out some of the stories. Faith’s only eleven, by the way.”

“Yeah.” Tony said..

“Yeah, so I stumbled into one story about a risqué night between Spidey and this mugging victim he rescued. He was invited to the victim’s house as a thank you. Then he was offered coffee before they both went in the bedroom where they-”

“Mr. Stark," Peter jumped, "I-I-I have to make a call! Have to tell May I’ll be late. She’ll be mad if I don’t, ya know?”

“You can just use FRIDAY, kid.”

“No, it’s cool, cool, cool, cool. I’ll just-I’ll just step out of the workshop for a bit. Be right back.” Peter almost ran out of the workshop; his face in danger of being permanently red. As soon as the door closed behind him, Tony signalled for FRIDAY to soundproof the workshop before they both laughed their asses off.

“Oh god!” Tony wiped the tears off his eyes. “You’re a little shit, Harley!”

“Can’t help it!” Harley wheezed. “Just wanna confirm my suspicions but Peter just made it so easy!”

“How did you find out?” Harley pulled out the photo from the tweet and showed it to Tony. “Oh great, that's gonna trend."

"It is trending. Got it from a Daily Bugle tweet."

"His Spidey sense - he named it - is still evolving. So…" He gestured at the Harley's phone.

"Whoa! So he does have a sixth sense!"

"Among other things. Are you gonna tell him you know?"

"Nah, I'm just gonna see how long I can keep this goin’." Harley grinned.

---

Apparently, fate decided to speed things along. It was later that day, a few hours before Harley’s supposed to fly back home to Rose Hill, when he told Tony and Peter his plan to go to the city on his own and just experience it all. Oh and, Faith asked for a Spider-man merchandise and apparently, the compound didn’t have a gift shop.

”Seriously? Not even any official Spidey merch?” He was dubious.

”He didn’t accept the Avengers position so, no.” Was that a hint of sadness from Tony? Hmm...

He was tempted to ask Peter where he could buy them but decided to give the guy a break. Instead, he asked FRIDAY and she gave him a list of all possible places, most of them were in Chinatown. So, Chinatown it was. Happy dropped him off at the corner of Broadway and Canal St. with a stern warning.

“Kid, you have an hour. If you’re not in this exact spot later, you find yourself a way to the airport.”

“Awww Happy, your Grumpy is showin’.” He grinned and he earned a glare for that cheek. In true Happy fashion, the tires of the Audi screeched as he drove to get away. Harley chuckled as he walked along Canal St.

New York never failed to fascinate Harley what with all the diverse cultures and personalities he wouldn’t see in Tennessee. There are a lot of bootleg stuff too, perfect for his non-billionaire budget so he thought he could buy a purse for his mom along with the plush Spidey toy for Faith.

It only took him around thirty minutes to buy gifts then food - he got hungry - and walk around Canal St and thought he could go and venture out to smaller streets. Ever since he told his mom about the internship visits to New York, she’d been so worried for him. Can’t blame her though, most stories that came out of New York were of aliens, kidnappings and other crimes. So, before she agreed to the arrangement, she explicitly warned him to be cautious and to not be stupid. Harley knew he was being stupid as soon as he saw three men with baseball bats and metal pipes. They seemed to surround something on the ground and as Harley walked closer, the situation became clearer.

“Just give us the money or else!”

“P-p-please, I-I-I can’t!” A boy cowered in a corner, a backpack in his arms. “It’s m-money for my mom’s m-m-medicine.”

“You think we care ‘bout that?!” The mugger laughed and mocked the boy. “Give us the fucking money or you won’t go back home to your mom!”

Damnit! Harley looked around for something he could use but all he saw was half a brick and a brown broken leg of a table. Well, better than nothin’. He picked up both. He aimed at the leader’s head and threw the brick. Bullseye!The yelp from the guy made Harley smirk.

“Muggin’ a helpless boy,” he tutted, “ya’ll so pathetic.” Harley’s southern accent always got thicker in stressful situations. The guy he threw a brick at growled and stalked towards him.

“Look guys, a country bumpkin!” The others followed suit menacingly.

“Kid,” Harley looked at the cowering boy, “get outta here!” The boy didn’t need telling twice. He stood and ran away from the scene. The muggers continued to walk closer to Harley as they brandished their weapons.

“You shoulda just walked away, southern boy.” Harley clenched his jaw, both hands on the piece of wood he found and braced himself for a fight. One of the guys raised his bat but before he could do more, a web latched on to it and was pulled out of his hands. When the guy looked up, he was webbed and pulled towards the wall where he got stuck.

“What the fuck?!” The other two looked around in fear.

“Hey, guys!” Spider-man landed beside the head mugger then swept the guys leg off the floor. As soon as the guy landed on his ass, Spidey webbed him to the floor. “I’m Spider-man. Nice to meet you!”

Whoa! Harley was amazed! It was one thing to watch Spider-man from potato quality videos and it’s another to see him fight in person. When Spidey successfully webbed up the last guy, Harley just remembered then regretted not pulling out his camera to take a video of it. Damnit! Good job, me.

“Hey, you okay?” Spider-man asked him. Harley looked at the muggers and saw they’re all knocked out. “Are you hurt?”

“No, no, no. I’m good. I’m good. Thanks, Peter. Hoo boy! That was, that was scary! New York, huh?” Harley grinned at Spidey and lightly punched him on the arm but the guy just froze and stared at him, the eyes on his mask were wide open. “What? Whoa!” Spidey suddenly carried him and swung up a building’s empty rooftop.

“Oh my god!” Harley exclaimed as soon as they landed. “That was awesome! So that’s how it felt like! Faith’s not gonna believe this!”

“How did-When did-How-What the-” Spidey seemed like he was about to hyperventilate.

“Ok, calm down. Breathe.” They both took calming breaths and let the adrenaline rush ebb away.

“Did-did Mr. Stark tell you?” Spidey asked as soon as they’re both calm.

“Nah, I figured it out.” He smirked.

“How?” Harley pulled out his phone and showed him the picture from The Daily Bugle tweet. It’s a collage of burst mode photos of Spider-man as he successfully avoided a flying drone but then he swung face first to a street lamp. “Street lamp, huh?” He grinned.

“Wait, that could’ve been just a coincidence.”

“Yeah but your reaction when I told you guys about my sister’s Spidey obsession was hilarious and a dead giveaway. That and the freaky sixth sense you have.” Spidey groaned.

“Are you telling me that-that smut story was real?!”

“Nah, I made that up.” Harley chuckled as the other huffed in relief. Then again, Harley’s a little shit. “But there are Spidey smut fanfics. Loads of them.” He cackled when Spidey groaned.

“Can’t believe this.”

“Oh please, you’re a nerd. You’re in the Star Wars fandom. You should know these things.”

“Yeah but, I’m just-just Spider-man.” He shrugged.

“Hey, you’re doing great things. You save people so of course a lot of them would love you. Just umm,” Harley side hugged Spidey, “if you don’t want to be scarred, don’t google yourself without SafeSearch on.”

“Harley!” He gasped. Harley couldn’t help but let out an evil laugh.

“Come on, that’s solid advice.”

“Oh my god!”

“Ok, seriously, what else can you do? Those webs aren’t organic, right?”

“No, I made them.”

“That explains the huge bottles of chemicals in the workshop.”

“I have umm, enhanced strength, senses, really fast healing and I stick to everything.”

“Everything? Even a sheer surface like glass?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm, interesting. Even a non-stick pan?”

“I umm… I actually don’t know. I’ll test it out later.”

“Let me know, okay?” Harley grinned.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Oh, before I forget, do you mind if I take a selfie with you?” Someone in Tennessee’s gonna flip.

“No, it’s okay.” After they took a selfie, Harley sent it over to his sister and, as he expected, he received a Facetime request. “Oh umm. Brace your ears.” He warned before he accepted. A piercing squeal - the pigeons perched at the rooftop flew to get away from the noise - came from Harley’s phone as Faith’s image appeared.

“HARLEY!!!!!!!!”

“Hey sis, meet my friend.”

“Hi, Faith!” Spidey waved and Faith let out another squeal. Harley could feel Spidey freeze by his side.

“Jeez Faith, stop screeching! You’re hurting his ears. He’s got enhanced senses.”

“Sorry, sorry…” Faith whispered. “Oh my god, you know my name. Hi Spidey, I love you!” She used her hands to form a heart shape.

“Umm…” Harley could tell he didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Faith...” Harley warned.

“Okay, okay… Sorry. It’s just, I’m a big fan! Hi!”

“Sis, you get one question then Spidey needs to go fight crime and save people, alright?”

“Okay, umm… Do you have a girlfriend?” Harley rolled his eyes. Of all the- He should’ve seen this coming.

“Umm, no. No, I don’t.” Bless his heart. He bravely answered. Faith screamed again.

“Alright, that’s enough. Bye, Faith!”

“No, wait! Wai-” Harley ended the call and sighed.

“Sorry about that.”

“No, no, no, it’s fine.”

“Don’t let that get in your head.”

“No, of course not!”

“Good. Oh, shit!” Harley looked at his watch. “Happy’s gonna kill me.”

“Come on, I’ll get you there faster.” Spidey, with his arm around Harley’s waist, lifted him before he jumped off the building. Harley loved the feeling of swinging. It was like being on a rollercoaster. It gave him an idea though. What if one day he could fly too?

---

Before going to bed that night, Harley grinned as he received a message from Peter. It’s a photo of a pan stuck on his hand with a message, “Yup, I can.”

#harley keener #peter parker #tony stark #spiderman #iron man #spiderson #iron dad #brotp #brotherhood #family

[meanlizard]

How Many Walls Can You Demolish

Summary: Roman and Virgil get into a bit of a situation...

Pairings: platonic prinixety? i suppose?

Words: 1,443

Warnings: light-hearted fluff, comedy, um. lots of fourth wall breaks.

When Virgil walked into the kitchen that morning, it was to find Patton staring blearily upward. He paused, watching the unusually still man, before shrugging and going to the fridge. “Morning, Pat’n,” he muttered, still sluggish as the last dredges of sleep fell away. 

Patton did not reply. Now, Virgil was worried. 

Closing the refrigerator, Virgil squinted at him, eyes gleaming suspiciously. He hadn’t moved whatsoever from his staring contest with the ceiling. “Dad?” he prompted, and when no movement followed, he traced the other’s gaze. 

A dusty spiderweb, bereft of any actual spider. A barely perceptible crack. Bland, off-white paint peeling at the edges. 

So, nothing, then. 

Virgil was now thoroughly concerned. “Patton? Are you okay, man?” as he spoke, he moved to nudge him- only to be rudely interrupted by the unfortunately familiar sound of Roman stretching out an E note with his vocal chords. 

Virgil sighed, and Roman swung into the kitchen, the brightness of his entire existence being almost unholy. His hair was brushed and pushed to the side impeccably; there was nary a wrinkle in his pristine white-and-gold garb. His sash downright shone with cleanliness. As always, the sight of him made Virgil feel suddenly very aware of himself, and he hunched further into the comfort of his hoodie. 

“Good morning, darling citizens!” Roman called flamboyantly, gracing the room with a blinding flash of pearly-white teeth. 

Virgil didn’t bother to return the greeting. 

“Roman, Patton’s acting weird.” 

And say what you would about the obnoxious, annoying, loud-mouthed, insulting, pristine, ridiculous, quick-to-judge, far-too-handsome-despite-having-the-exact-same-face, petty, and entirely empty-headed prince, but he was certainly diligent when it came to any perceived danger that Virgil brought to his attention. Immediately, his attention was on the man in question, red-brown eyes looking him up-and-down for any sign of injury. 

Finding none, he shot Virgil a strange look. The latter indicated Patton’s staring with a nod, and Roman went back to inspect him. 

Then, as if the seriousness had suddenly worn off, he made a small ah sound and relaxed. His lips turned back into that ever-annoying smirksmile (smirkle? smirle?) and he waved a flippant hand that Virgil ducked to avoid. 

“Oh, come off it, Mr. Frowny With a Chance of Meatballs,” he laughed unconcernedly, “he’s just discovered the fourth wall, is all.” 

Virgil stared. He glanced back at Patton, still entranced in whatever it was he was seeing, and then back to Roman. “The... the fourth wall,” he didn’t so much ask as he did state, voice dry and flat. It was as if someone had murdered all the inflection that could be indicative of any emotion what-so-ever, thus leaving it as nothing more than a hollow shell of it’s former sarcastic glory. 

Roman nodded. “Yes. The fourth wall.” 

Virgil took a deep breath. He pinched the bridge of his nose, rubbed it, and then let his hand drop to the side. “No. Just-” he held a hand out to stop Roman’s incoming protest, and shook his head. “Just. Just no. Why are we even doing a fourth-wall breaking fic right now? It’s, like-” he turned his dead glare toward the corner of the writer’s computer screen, and shot them a quick, judgmental look before returning his attention to Roman.

“It’s 1:19 am. This came out of nowhere. And where’s Logan? We need a straight man.” 

Roman laughed. 

“Ha! Don’t you mean a-” 

Yes. Yes, Roman, I meant a gay man. Because you are all gay. 

Roman pouted, joke thoroughly ruined. Virgil smiled a little. Patton stared at the ceiling. Where was Logan? Working, probably. Or, rather, simply not there because the stress of adding yet another character to this catastrophe was simply too difficult for the writer to handle. 

“Would you stop that?” Virgil asked, exasperated. “I was willing to go along with this because you writers have no sense of time-” he stared, accusingly, at the various other writers in the fandom (some of which may be named Marin, Taylor, Vanna and Kat, but who’s to say), “but this is ridiculous. Too much of a good thing can be sh*t, you know!”

“Woah, slow your roll Paint Tool Sigh of Despair! This is a PG show!” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Is that why all of your nicknames suck today?” 

Roman recoiled as if physically stricken. “How dare you,” he gasped. “You know that’s not my fault. If anyone, we should blame the author’s creativity.”

Both sides turned, in unison, toward the dining table set up in the middle of the kitchen. The author’s Creativity was munching on a bagel, muttering in between bites as darkened glasses slipped down their round nose. Their hands, trembling, translucent things so clear you could see the very details of their veins, were thoroughly occupied; one was shakily rewriting a scene for the thousandth time with one, while the other crumpled up yet another drawing to start anew, and a third- a third? no- a fourth??? - shakily fidgeted with the rim of a mug full of a sludgy black liquid that could almost pass for coffee. 

As if sensing their stares, one dead, sleep-lined blue eye peered up at them, and they immediately turned away. 

There was silence. Then, Virgil released a shaky breath. “Roman,” he said, very quietly. 

“Yes, Virgil?” the uncharacteristically solemn Roman prompted. 

“I never thought I’d say this, but... I am so glad that you exist.”

“Dit-to my good sir. Dit-to.” 

Unsure why Roman said ditto in such an odd way, but still reeling from the creature that continued to scribble ominously on their kitchen table, Virgil decided to let it go and turn back to the problem at hand. Which, if you would kindly consult the paragraph far, far above this one, was Patton’s worrying stillness. 

“I thought he already knew about the fourth wall,” Virgil mentioned contemplatively, turning back to his (admittedly) favorite blue-clad side. Roman shrugged, clearly unconcerned, and moved to the fridge to take a carton of milk from it.

“Guess not. It doesn't really matter, though- he just needs some time," he reassured. "I mean, all we can do is just sit around and wait for him to process... well. Everything.”

Virgil was still largely unconvinced. 

Roman, glancing over at him as he poured some milk in some nondescript glass, noticed and let out a breath of slight exasperation. 

“Look,” he started in his best mollifying voice as he screwed the cap back on, “We’ve all been there. It took me five hours, and Mr. Roboto spent an entire three days completely out of it. It’s lucky that we’re just figments of a personality, and that food is just a thing authors use to humanize us further even in non-AU’s, or else he’d be in pretty big trouble.”

Virgil raised a brow, and Roman nodded. “Right, right. Off track, I know. But I'm just saying- don’t you remember going through this?” 

Virgil’s face, which had previously been rathee blank and slightly irritated (as was it’s usual state), suddenly became impossibly blanker. His eyes lost any gleam of life, expression falling into nothing but a wooden ghost of its previous humanity.

“I have always been aware of our entirely superficial existence since the day I was made. The continuous existential horror has made it hard to form any real relationship with any of you until now. Even then, a lot of our deep bond comes from the various universes and situations that fans throw us in. Roman, right now we are making out on a rooftop in New York. I have super powers. Logan is an empath, and he’s a royal tutor. We are having this conversation right now. There is no reality for us. We just do as we’re written to do. It is an ever continual source of anxiety for me, but one that I am used to, have always been used to, and will continue to be used to. So, I suppose the answer to your question is ‘no’. I do not.”

Roman stared. Virgil stared back. Roman looked up to re-read the paragraph, and, having finally processed it, turned back to Virgil. Wordlessly, he handed him the glass of milk. 

No words could be said, and a hug simply felt too awkward for them at this point in time and at this moment in this particular universe, so it was all he could offer. Virgil understood, because he could read just as well as you, and agreed with Roman’s emotions on the matter. 

As he took a sip, he felt indescribably touched. 

Patton, as if roused by the emotional scene, suddenly shifted. Both Roman and Virgil turned to look at him, eyes wide as if they’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t have, but Patton was just grinning, bright and unconcerned and... normal. Not at all the expression of someone who had just discovered that they weren't real and that choice was a neverending illusion.

“It’s as I thought,” he said, and his voice sounded relieved. “There aren’t any spiders there after all.” 

Virgil breathed. He thought, very seriously, about screaming. He carefully did not, instead bringing the cool glass of milk to his lips and taking a long, long drink of it.

He took a deep breath. Smiled.

"That's good, Patton."

general tag list: 

@princelogical

@smokeyrutilequartz

@kickthecel

@fangirlfiles1

@do-rey-me

@peanut0303

@cyndaquil17

@lady-literature

@anastasialestina

@i-will-physically-fight-you

@ironwoman359

#tsfic #thomas sanders #sanders sides #virgil sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #crack? #un-beta'd #i'll fix this tomorrow promise #lizard's journal

[thevividgreenmoss]

I always liked Louis C.K.’s standup, but I loved his show Louie. The surreal wackiness was, for me, the most accurate rendering of what it actually feels like to live in New York (that was, until Broad City came along, and did Louie but better). I loved Louie’s odd moments of seriousness (Parker Posey’s character’s recounting of her childhood cancer has haunted me for years). There’s an extraordinarily funny and touching episode that takes place in Afghanistan (and who else in the last decade talked about Afghanistan instead of pretending the war didn’t exist, and thought to present the country we invaded and ruined as a fundamentally human place inhabited by ordinary people, all of whom are entranced by the sight of a cute yellow duckling?) Yes, at times, Louie himself could be a bit of an asshole. But he was always relatably an asshole, in situations where we all can be jerks, and the women he dated were all real, well-written people (see especially Parker Posey’s character).

I finally stopped watching Louie in season four, after an episode where I finally noticed the misogyny behind the mask. In the episode, titled only “Model,” Louie goes to the Hamptons. After bombing a comedy gig, he meets a wealthy and gorgeous blonde model who found his gig funny for some reason. She takes him home and they have sex. During the act, he accidentally punches her in the face, knocking her unconscious. Was this meant to be funny? I’m still not sure. The scenario was unrealistic, not surreal; eyeroll-y, not edgy. The blonde model didn’t have a personality; she existed to fuck him and be punched. Maybe you were supposed to laugh at her for fucking Louie, or laugh with Louie for punching her; but either way you were definitely not supposed to laugh at the pathetically transparent fantasy of it, because that part was intended to be serious. (In a later episode of season four, “Pamela”, which I did not watch until much later, Louie attempts to rape his friend Pamela, but fails at it. Lol?)

Comedians joke about everything, except comedy. When it comes to their art, they employ a frigid joylessness that puts all caricatures of feminists to shame. Louis C.K.’s new jokes are not to be criticized. They’re angry: viciously so, directed at trans people and people with disabilities and teenagers whose friends were murdered. The pretended “accidental” nature of C.K.’s punching is gone. Now he’s just hitting us in the face.

Maybe he’s being daring. Maybe Louis C.K.’s “surprise sets” are simply pushing the boundaries of comedy just like he pushed the boundaries of consent by masturbating in front of female comedians against their will. There’s nothing bold, however, about being shitty. There’s nothing particularly rebellious or inventive about bigotry. They call it “reactionary” for a reason: It’s an unthinking backlash, the automatic spasmodic reaction of the old when confronted with the new. There’s a reason conservative can never be “the new punk.” It is, by nature, totally square.

Louis C.K.’s new comedy—which is really his old comedy, without the barrier of distance created by his persona—are regressive not just in politics, but in content. The leaked jokes from his new sets are adolescent in character. I remember edgelords at my high school making basically the same gags about the word r*tarded, racial penis size, etc, etc, yawn. But this kind of humor is adolescent for another reason, too: because it’s concerned ultimately with coolness, superiority, which is found in other, more marginalized people’s discomfort and humiliation. There’s another word for this: sociopathy. What it comes down to is a sense of permanent disengagement: There is a difference between myself and the world; I am better than the world; my self-expression matters more than others and shouldn’t face social consequences. I am furious and offended, but I have a right to my feelings; anyone who is offended by meis an over-sensitive, earnest, tryhardy loser. I am unaffected by the pain of others. I am separate from it.

Separateness is always an act, a self-delusion. We are not that different from other people (sorry, conservatives, you are not special snowflakes!) And the space between a real self and a persona is also an act, which exists in various shades of consciousness. Everyone who has ever created a persona (and most people have online) is aware of this. You can pretend all you like that your screen name is not-you: but of course it is you, a part of you, a side of you. You would not say these things if you did not think them, even if just in character. Your relationship between your self and your persona is healthy only if you honestly acknowledge what’s true and what’s not.

Not everyone who uses a persona is unaware of the scope of this distance; not everyone is faking it. That is to say, everyone with a persona is a liar, but not everyone is a bullshitter. Harry Frankfurt’s short and essential work of philosophy, On Bullshit, lays out important distinctions between liars and bullshitters. A liar knows they are lying, which means they know what the truth is, and have a certain respect for it. But a bullshitter either doesn’t know or doesn’t care, and is fundamentally unable to handle being caught. Louis C.K. is a bullshitter. His old comedy rested on a contradiction that didn’t exist: As Matt Zoller Seitz wrote in Vulture: “Anxious laughter erupted from the tension between the person that C.K. had portrayed himself as being (thoughtful, sensitive, self-interrogating) and the worst-case-scenario person he envisioned in his stand-up bits (narcissistic, lazy, vicious).” Louis C.K. was always this worst-case-scenario person, really, and the decency was a mask. And he’s mad as hell now, not just at the lost millions and the currently canceled movie called “I Love You, Daddy” (ick) but that we finally see into the bullshit, and we know for certain that he’s shit all the way down.

This is the distinction to look for, and it’s very subtle: There must be a clear, unambiguous, delineation between the artist and the mask they’re wearing, a measurable degree of daylight between author and character. This is what Junot Diaz never achieved, despite all the critics’ desire to see it. He was always his misogynist protagonist Yunior, and Yunior was always him, and you could tell because most of the women in his novels, like the blonde in the “Model” episode of Louie, lacked their own reality. Diaz’s work is bullshit—beautifully written bullshit, but nevertheless an attempt to perform awareness rather than being aware, to occlude personal sexism by pretending to critique it. Lena Dunham, who gained her fame by playing the role of the obnoxious asshole (but feminist because she’s a woman), has finally been fully understood by most people as an authentically obnoxious asshole (and not feminist, because she doesn’t actually care about women besides herself). Kevin Spacey collapsed the waveform between self and persona entirely in his recent bizarre videowhere he addressed his fans, in character, as Frank Underwood. He said, “Oh, sure, they’ve tried to separate us. But what we have is too strong. It’s too powerful.” By “us” he appears to have meant himself and his fans; but he might as well have meant Kevin Spacey and Frank Underwood. The waveform will always, eventually collapse; bullshit will always win out. It’s impossible to maintain an insincere act forever. You must either walk away from it, or become it completely.

#honestly some people are acting like this turn came out of nowhere #but he's had similar bits in his standup and show forever it's just now the mask is off #and in both i think he was revealing himself with increasing transparency whether he knew it or not #idk lena dunham's an obvious comparison + certain similarities in kanye's trajectory this decade especially post-2015 or even 2013 #also tony soprano's trajectory #where the idea of honest introspection/engagement with one's flaws and showing contrition increasingly fell away leaving #just a manipulative wounded self-justification #which i mean in louis's case it was all a sham cause he'd been actively engaging in grotesque shit all along #the article discusses junot Diaz also but I've never read him so idk how he was reflected in the way his work evolved

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Michael After Midnight: Movie 43

I want you all to know I sat at my computer for many minutes trying desperately and ultimately failing to find some way to talk about anthology or sketch comedy films. I kept trying to come up with some comparisons to how well the horror genre handles these kinds of films (for the most part anyway). And I was totally going to come up with some brilliant, cutting lead in to talking about the black hole of talent known as Movie 43.

Sorry to disappoint you all. It’s a sentiment I share with just about every single actor in this film.

Movie 43 is a sketch comedy film, though honestly the “comedy” part should be in quotations because it takes a mind heavily impaired by illicit substances to find humor in this film. And look, I’m no comedic prude; I get a laugh out of stuff like Freddy Got Fingered, I’m not so snooty I’m above Scary Movie or getting a chuckle out of Step Brothers, I’m not only in to high concept British comedies or anything. But this, this really is bad on a level that even The ABCs of Death wasn’t, because as disgusting, vomit-inducingly bad as that film was, at least it was full of no-name actors with nothing to lose and no dignity to begin with seeing as they were in The ABCs of Death. This movie is not only stuffed to the brim with famous actors and actresses, most of them were roped into appearing in this out of strict contractual obligation rather than any real desire to be in the film. A lot of actors just got sucked in and guilted, only a small handful of them even showed up to the premier, and only Stephen Marchant has anything nice to say about being in the movie. Everyone else has at least enough dignity to be ashamed of their involvement.

I guess there’s no sense in prolonging this: let’s take a look at one of the most abysmal comedies of the modern age:

The Pitch: This is the framing device that is used for the US cut of the film, and thus the framing device I saw, in which a disgraced movie director played by Randy Quaid pitches his numerous shitty ideas to a producer, with said shitty ideas being all the sketches in this film. So basically, what you’re watching is what I can only assume was the actual pitch for this movie, and thus it sucks. There is nothing entertaining about this framing device; it really says something when the international version’s framing device, where kids look for a banned movie on the internet, sounds a lot better as a framing device.

The Catch: So apparently this was the first sketch filed, and it was used to sucker other celebs into joining the film. And I mean, it has Hugh Jackman and Kate Winslet, and who wouldn’t want to be in a movie with those two? Well, when Hugh Jackman has testicles dangling from his neck, I sure wouldn’t. This isn’t really the worst sketch because of its content, but it is awful because it just hurts so much to see something so embarrassing. You feel so bad for Jackman for having those fake testicles on his neck, and you feel bad for Kate Winslet for having to act through this with Jackman. It honestly makes me depressed just thinking about it.

Homeschooled: This is probably one of the few sketches in the film that actually approaches being amusing. In it, parents played by Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber talk to another couple about how they homeschooled their kid, and how they made his homeschooling feel like authentic high school, complete with the parents bullying, hazing, and just making their poor son’s life into a living hell. All these jokes are pretty standard and basic, and of course they gotta throw in some incest jokes too and top everything off with some Oedipal imagery, but it could have been worse. Really, when it comes to this film, “could have been worse” is the best you can ask for.

The Proposition: Have you ever wanted to see Chris Pratt’s ex-wife ask him to take a shit on her? No? Well congratulations, fucker! You’re a normal, functioning human being, and not either of the writers for this shitty segment. This segment ends with Chris Pratt being hit by a car, exploding in a massive shit tsunami, and then his girlfriend finally accepts his proposal. What a load.

Veronica: Out of the entire movie, this might be the most inoffensive clip of the bunch; it’s not funny or anything, but it’s at least not as tacky and offensive as the others. I guess it helps that Emma Stone and Kieran Culkin are just really hamming it up for this one, as if they know they’re in a terrible bastardization of an indie movie scene and just want to make the whole thing look as dumb as possible. It’s not a good sketch, but it’s almost okay.

iBabe: So there’s this new life-sized nude replica of a woman you can use as an MP3 player. The fan was place din a certain spot that’s causing problems. Can you guess the spot, and the problem? If you’re the age of twelve or older, you sure can, and if you can, there’s really no reason to watch this pointless sketch.

Superhero Speed Dating: Batman is a dick to Robin. Tee hee. What a funny fucking joke. Next.

Machine Ki- Ok you know what? Fuck it. I am talking about the fucking speed dating segment, because it is just such an obnoxious, unfunny joke. Batman is just rude, condescending, and worst of all a total cockblock who doesn’t respect his partner, which is the sort of thing you see a lot in parodies of Batman mythos. And it’s just so… totally opposite of what Batman is, it doesn’t really subvert his relationship with Robin in a funny way either, it’s just “Haha what if Batman was a dick to his student?” And it’s just not funny. It’s lame, it’s lazy, and it’s a sign of someone with an extremely shallow knowledge of Batman.

Anyway…

Machine Kids: So it was kind of supposed to just be a joke, interrupting this segment to rant about the last one, but there is honestly just nothing I can say about this one. It’s a sketch that exists, I guess? It’s not particularly funny, it’s just something that’s real.

Middleschool Date: You know what’s really funny? Girls getting their periods. That’s the entire joke of this segment. If you don’t think girls getting their periods and teens freaking out over not understanding basic life facts is funny, this won’t amuse you. It also has a rather nonsensical ending, which certainly doesn’t help it out much.

Happy Birthday: This is it. This is the sketch that most closely approaches the realm of being funny. It’s about a guy catching a leprechaun for his buddy’s birthday, but the leprechaun is an obscene, nasty little bastard. It’s funny seeing Gerard Butler play a leprechaun, the joke is okay, the sketch doesn’t really overstay its welcome, and it has a juvenile but kinda amusing punchline. Maybe it’s just because everything else in the movie is so bad, but this one just isn’t really one I can muster a lot of hate for.

Truth or Dare: Halle Berry and Stephen Marchant go on a date and begin playing, well, truth or dare, and soon enough things go from risque to downright insane. If you’ve ever wanted to see Halle Berry make guacamole with a prosthetic boob, well, here you are. I feel it’s not worth it considering how nasty and disturbing the end is, but Marchant sure is unashamedly proud of being in a sketch with Halle Berry.

Victory’s Glory: This one is just boring and filled with bland stereotyping. It’s one you’ll forget exists as soon as it’s over.

Beezle: In the midst of the credits, we see how far James Gunn has come as a creator when we are subjected to this edgy piece of garbage he created. It’s about a girl who thinks her boyfriend’s animated cat is trying to sabotage her relationship, which he is. It has sodomy, brutal murder, bestiality, all that charming stuff from the man who brought us Guardians of the Galaxy. I guess this really is good as a showcase of how far he has come as a writer and director, because this ain’t Guardians, it ain’t Slither, and most importantly it ain’t good.

So… yeah. As you can see, there’s really nothing of value to be found here. Like yes, there’s an okay sketch in the middle of all this, but there were some passable ones in The ABCs of Death, and that movie was still shit. I’m sure you’re expecting some witty summation of this movie and its flaws, maybe a reiteration of how depressing it is to see so much talent wasted for unfunny jokes, maybe some sort of comedic take on all this garbage.

Well, that’s not happening. Even thinking about this stupid movie for this long has sapped my strength. I’m going to lie down. Fuck this movie.

#Michael After Midnight #Review #Movie review #Movie 43 #comedy #sketch comedy

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

Teen Titans Go! REVIEW: (Part 2)

 Hello everybody, my name is JoyofCrimeArt and welcome to part two of my Teen Titans Go! retrospective! Or should I say my Teen Titans.....................................................................................................................No....retrospective.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzKJ4HX4Fuk

Get it? because the show isn't that good! Okay, remember to click that bell icon and turn on notifications to-  So in case your just joining in, this is part two of my Teen Titans Go! retrospective/review. If you haven't seen part one than I highly recommend that you check it out before going forward. To sum up the point I made in my last part...I didn't like this show that much.  WHAT?! A CARTOON CRITIC ONLINE WHO DOESN'T LIKE TEEN TITANS GO?! WHAT A NEW AN UNIQUE TAKE-  But for THIS part we are mostly going to step away from the show itself, and focus on the more meta aspect of the show. So really this part isn't even a review of Teen Titans Go! and more of "A review of elements that are tangentially related to Teen Titans Go! and the conversation around it." But since that title won't fit in the Deviantart title box and it's not "clickbait-y" enough, we're going with this instead.  So I just want to re-emphasize that, for the most part, none of the things I clique here are actually the fault of the shows crew or creators or anything. But I think it's still important to discuss these points because, as I stated last time, I think the conversation around the show is far more interesting than the show itself. So let's dive in.  We'll start with the elephant in the room. Let's talk about the shows handling of critics. This is one of the most notorious elements of the series. Now, I'm just going to say this...I kinda get where the creators are coming from. For real. While there are MANY legit reasons to dislike the show, (Around 4,000 words worth according to my last review alone.) However, out the gate, Teen Titans Go! got hate from ALL cylinders. Young Justice fans bitter about there show being "replaced." Old school Teen Titans fan upset this wasn't season six. People who just wanted action shows. And I'm not going to be high and mighty, as I said last time, I was one of these people. (However, I never made long curse filled rants on Youtube or called for the creators to be shot or anything crazy like that.)  Some people say that reboots are "lazy and easy" because you get a built in audience with zero effort. But I believe the total opposite. Making a reboot sounds like a nightmare. People are much more unforgiving when it's an i.p they love and often times will hate you for the littlest things and won't give you a chance. Just look up how many Powerpuff Girl 2016 rants there were BEFORE any footage of the show was even released. People who are in these positions have it rough, and deserve more appreciation. I can't imagine the amount of hate the two show runners must get on a daily basis, which is probably why they don't seem to have social media accounts.    HOWEVER this is where we get into what I think is one of the biggest problems in society today, and that's strawmaning. And I feel like I shouldn't have to say this, but here I go. And this can apply for anything. JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE WITH AN OPINION ARE ASSHOLES DOESN'T MEAN THAT EVERYBODY WITH SAID OPINION ARE ASSHOLES!  I'm not going to act like there aren't people out there who take Teen Titans Go! WAY to frickin' seriously. That's just factually wrong. But not EVERYONE who has issues with the show are loud obnoxious neck beards who are mad that there "childhood was ruined." And that's how the show and some of the more hostile defenders of the show try to paint "all the haters." Some people just have legit criticisms that they want to get out into the world. When most people write a review of Teen Titans Go!, I don't think there doing so expecting the creators to see it and change the show for them. (I know some do, but again, don't mix the rude jerks in with the rest of us.) They're doing it because they feel passionately, and want to share there opinions with others. Or because they see wasted potential. There's a difference between criticism and hating.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4Ai4G6ccfA

 And the thing is...and this is something that I think I'm in the minority opinion on, but I don't think you HAVE to listen to every piece of criticism you get. I've noticed this trend as of late, where people expect that if they criticize something, the author or creator is obligated to change it. And if they don't then there just "not taking the criticism." But that's not how it works though.  For example, if someone where to tell me "You're reviews are too long." I would definitely take that into consideration, and I would appreciate the input. However, I like overly long analytical reviews, and that's what I'm going to keep doing because that's the type of reviews I wanna make. I might try to shorten them a LITTLE bit, but I would never just start writing few hundred word reviews, cause that's not the art I wanna create.   In the same vain, if Teen Titans Go! doesn't wanna except any of there criticism, that's fine. If the show wants to just go about doing it's own thing, more power to it. But when it does these criticism tackling episodes it's breaking the first rule of the internet. Never let people know when something bothers you. And yeah, I think if a TV show goes out of it's way to tell the critics "you suck" than the critics have the right to say it back. And I know you could say that the show has the right because they started that. But I don't know, there's just some part of me that believes that as the content creator, you have a responsibility to be the bigger person. If that makes sense?  This show basically is "Dab On The Haters: The Animated Series." Really, all the criticism tackling episodes can be summed up like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rnd6WLi3TWk

 And the thing is, Teen Titans Go! really doesn't need to defend itself so hard. Because the show is a huge hit! It's clearly super popular with a large group of kids and adults alike. Why be so fixated on pleasing the people who you know your not going to please, when you can focus on the people who love you just the way you are? You don't see shows like Powerpuff Girls or Ben 10 reboots attacking the "haters" like this, and those shows don't even have the added advantage of being that popular.  As it stands, Teen Titans Go! is a show that reeks of insecurity. And as much as I shit on the show last time, it shouldn't be. Clearly the show is doing something right if it lasted this long. Teen Titans Go! the show that taught me how NOT to handle criticism. And honestly, I thank the show for this. I'm a sensitive guy, and I can be very harsh on myself. Without Teen Titans Go! acting as an example of what NOT to do, I could see myself becoming that kinda guy, who mask his insecurities with a faux ego.

Hey...did you see the way I just casually used the word "faux." Oh, I'm great and anyone who think otherwise is dumb...  However, I will give Teen Titans Go! this. I do think that when the humor goes "meta" it's when the shows comedy is at it's best. Because the people behind this show clearly know what this show is. They know it's reputation and it's status among other works of superhero fiction. Plus, as I said, the conversation around the show is far more interesting than the show itself. So when the show tacking these more interesting aspects the episodes tend to be more interesting as well. It's rare to find a show as self-aware of it's own status, and they take advantage of every opportunity that this presents.  I just wish it could do so without insulting me is all.  But do I even have the right to be criticizing this show though? I mean it's for kids, and kids clearly like it. Who right do I, a fully grown adult, have to stop kids from enjoying what they like. Why do I have to stand here and push my radical pro-Steven Universe agenda?!  That has been an argument I have been seeing a lot lately. And honestly, there are some aspects I actually do agree with. If you are reviewing a show with the hope of convincing someone to hate something that they previously liked, just because you hate the show, than in my personal opinion you are reviewing the show for the wrong reason. If you like Teen Titans Go! and somehow made it this far in the review, I want to be clear, you have the right to like whatever you want to like. Whenever I do a negative review of something, it's never with the intent of trying to stop someone from enjoying something they like. I just want to express why I don't like it.    As for the kid show argument, in some instances I agree with that argument too. Kids and adults are different. They have different taste and different things that they relate to. And shows are, from a business standpoint, targeted at a specific age demographics. I don't know why it's okay to call a show an "adult cartoon." but if you call a show a "kids show" it's deemed as an insult to the medium. Why is it wrong to say that I enjoy things aimed at kids? But getting back to the point, adults and kids look for different things in a show. Like, a kid obviously wouldn't be able to relate to the theme's presented in Bojack Horseman, and an adult would likely be board to tears by something like Peppa Pig.  However, the difference here is that Teen Titans Go! airs on Cartoon Network. And thus, it should be held to the same standard as other Cartoon Network shows are held to, since all CN shows are pretty much aimed at the same general age range. Not only that, but the show is rated TV-PG! i.e.) The same rating as Adventure Time, Steven Universe, Regular Show, and Over the Garden Wall. Technically speaking, kids aren't even suppose to watch this show without an adult. So I think it's fair to say that this show SHOULD be made with kids and adults in mind.  If this show was truly intended only for kids, and adults shouldn't watch it, than why are there so many 80's references and scenes that feel very...um....

Totally Spies...If you know what I mean.  Basically, my point here is that it is, in my opinion, completely reasonable to cirque this show. And it's weird because the whole "It's for kids" and "Don't like, don't watch." arguments are usually seen as a joke argument. (even though I personally feel like both arguments do apply in certain situations.) But with this show, I see people using these arguments a lot. And to each there own, I'm not going to stand her and say your argument is "invalid." But I think it is odd that this show seems to be the only show where these arguments is deemed "acceptable."  Also, if you watch Cartoon Networks live feed on a regular basis, it's hard to follow the "Don't like, don't watch." rule because the show is on so frickin' much!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NyxX3ix2jp8

What makes this ad worse is how much this kid looks like Logan Paul...  Cartoon Network spams this show. And while I'm sure that this show would still very much be hated regardless of the scheduling, I think the scheduling is a major factor in how this show manged to stay a relevant topic of conversation in the cartoon community for over five years at this point. Humans, in case you haven't realized this by now, are very stubborn and spiteful creature by nature. If you shove something down someone's throat, or in this case tell that that it's there new favorite show, there bound to have an adverse reaction. Regardless of the actually quality of the product. Also, the show wasn't even "new" when that ad campaign started!  However, I do want to point out that it isn't Teen Titans Go's! fault that it's being spammed so much. It's Cartoon Networks scheduling departments. Traditional television is dying, and channels need to air what gives them ratings. Cartoon Network has always been in last place rating wise, when compared to there rivals Nickelodeon and Disney. They need to air what gives them ratings. And Teen Titans Go! is that. I get it.  However, and keep in mind I'm not an expert on any of this and have no idea what I'm really talking about, I feel like eventually this will come back to bite them. EVENTUALLY Teen Titans Go! is going to end. Even if it's after we're all long dead and buried, the show will die. It's already been running for five years, which is an eternity in kid cartoon time. And when this show does end, CN is going to need something else to keep people coming back. Because as of now, this show and Gumball (which is ending soon.) are the channels only main draws with the ratings. CN, as of it stands now, needs this show. And when this show does end, they'll need some kind of back up series if they hope to survive in this modern, cord cutting climate. This cash cow can't be milked forever.  R-right? P-Please God, tell me it can't last forever!

...Again with the Totally Spies.  But while I'm on the topic of Teen Titans Go! success, I have to ask the question of why? Why do kids gravitate more towards this show, in particular? Because as I stated in the last part, the idea taking an establish i.p and making a more comedic slice of life reboot may have been fresh back in 2013, but now of days we are over saturated with shows just like that. Show's like Powerpuff Girls 2016, Ben 10, and to a lesser extent Justice League Action and Be Cool Scooby-Doo are all more comedic versions of there respected brands, but none of those shows are nearly as successful. (And this isn't me saying those shows are bad because they follow TTG's mold. It's all about execution and I'm trying to make a point.) What does Teen Titans Go! have that these other shows don't?  The way I see it, the reason why Teen Titans Go! is popular while those other "Teen Titans Go-esq shows" (Even the really good ones like Justice League Action.) aren't has to do with intent and execution. Those other shows only chose to become more comedic because it was deemed "more marketable." And while I'm sure that was a factor in why Teen Titans Go! was pitched as a comedy, I feel the difference is how the shows chose to treat itself. Those other shows are made to be safe and marketable. They want fans new and old to like the show, so people will be more likely to buy the merch, which in turn will fund more seasons. Teen Titans Go! on the other hand, doesn't care about playing it "safe." It'll do whatever crazy and messed up things it wants to. The show revels in it's inaccuracy to the original.  A marketing team and a bunch of executives think Teen Titans Go! is successful because it's a comedy based on a beloved brand. But the reason I think it's popular is because it doesn't give a fu*k! To people who like this show, that's why they like it. And that's why the show is so interesting to talk about.  Also there a lot of elements in Teen Titans Go! appeals to kids. It's full wish fulfillment. Who doesn't want all the power and none of the responsibility. Who doesn't want to not have to worry about school or work, and just sit on a couch eating food all day. The show is loud, crazy, and colorful. It appeals to kids, and some adults, on a base level. It appeals to our more lazy and selfish aspects of our personalities that we all have, but chose to keep buried inside out of fear of social consequence. And while all that may sound harsh, I really don't mean that as an insult. There's nothing wrong with a show appealing to those aspects of our subconscious, because it can allow us to express those feelings without acting upon them. It's the same reason why people like characters like Bender from Futurama, or Rick from Rick and Morty. Teen Titans Go! is that for kids, and there's nothing wrong with that. Especially in a time where so many other kids shows are so nice and non-cynical. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  So, to wrap everything up, Teen Titans Go! might just be one of the most fascinating and influential shows of the 2010's? But do I recommend it? Well, despite EVERYTHING I ranted about in part one, from the lackluster comedy, horrendous writing, lazy reusing of voice acting and animation, and the lack of basic understanding when it comes to telling a story...I surprisingly actually do highly recommend it. 

 Listen, just hear me out here. While this show in all technical aspects is a frickin' train wreck. But sometimes, you just want to watch a train wreck unfold. It's fascinating to see just what this show is going to do next. What crazy, half backed decision it'll do. And honestly, it's hard not to admire how much the show just goes for it, even if "it" isn't something that you should go for. The show has this element of "watch-ability" even if I know the show itself isn't technically "good." It's a show worth watching, if for no other reason than to have an opinion on it. I think it's pretty obvious who will love this show, who will hate this show, and who will ironically love it. Maybe it's just Stockholm syndrome, but I will be genuinely sad when this show does come to an end.  But I want to end on this note. If you hate this show with a fire-y passion, feel free to do so. You have the right to like or not like whatever you want. Don't be afraid of giving your opinion just because your worried that people will think that your a "hater" or that it's "cringy to still be talking about Teen Titans Go! in 2018." Value your thoughts and share them with the masses. Just don't be a jerk about it. Don't assume that "everyone who likes Teen Titans Go! are mindless sheeple." or complain that this show "ruined your childhood." Because forcing your opinion down other peoples throats will get you nowhere. And remember that no show last forever. In ten years from now this show will most likely be forgotten about. Think about how many people HATED Johnny Test just a few years ago, and complained about how much CN spammed that show. When was the last time anyone talked about that show? Meanwhile the original Teen Titans, a show that originally aired fifteen years ago, is still getting prime time reruns on Cartoon Network as recently as early 2018. And honestly, without Teen Titans Go!, there's a good chance that the interest in the original Teen Titans wouldn't have risen to the point where it is today. So you should thank TTG for that.  And to the people who defend Teen Titans Go!, I get it. It can be rough loving something when EVERYBODY online hates it. I went threw a similar thing when the Powerpuff Girls reboot came out. It sucks feeling like you're in the minority opinion, but remember that just because something is hated online, that doesn't translate to actually results. There's a reason this show is on it's fifth seasons and got a theatrical film. And if you love this show, if it really is your new favorite show, enjoy that fact that a show you love is as popular and influential as it is. But don't be a jerk about your opinion either. Don't belittle people for feeling passionately about a series and remember that not EVERY person who hates the show isn't some kinda "hater." Never assume that the worse people in a group represents the whole group. And never let other people force you to hate something you love. You're taste make you the individual you are, and never forget that.  I want to end this review with a line from Teen Titans Go! A line that I believe the show sadly forgot about, but is a message that I think is very important. Especially given the current climate of the cartoon community.

 This applies to all sides.  Hopefully this review was able to add something new to the table.  What do you think of Teen Titans Go? Leave any thoughts you may have in the comments down bellow. I love love to hear all opinions from both sides of the aisle, and start some conversations. Maybe help people gain some new perspectives. Also what did you think of the format of this review? Would you like more deep dive retrospects in the future? Please fav, follow, and comment if you liked this review and have a great day.

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Teen-Titans-Go-REVIEW-Part-2-755898579 DA Link

#Teen Titans #Teen Titans Go! #Cartoon Community #Cartoon #Review

[classyfoxdestiny]

'Gutfeld!' on masks, Chicago's mayor

'Gutfeld!' on masks, Chicago's mayor

This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” July 27, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. ADAM SCHIFF (D-CA): We’re so driven by bigotry and hate that we attack our fellow citizens as traitors. If they’re born in another country, or they don’t look like us. God help us.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: Yes, God help us. It’s amazing a weasel can produce crocodile tears.

Yes. It’s time. It is time once again for.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everything is racist.

GUTFELD: It’s true. First step, remember the Chicago mayor who looks like she hasn’t slept since 1972? I can’t blame her. In that city the constant gunfire will keep anyone up at night. Lori Lightfoot racist continues to defend your decision to only speak with non-white reporters. You know, because that’s what racists do.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MAYOR LORI LIGHTFOOT (D), CHICAGO: I would absolutely do it again. And I’m unapologetic about it because it spurred a very important conversation. A conversation that needed to happen, that should have happened long time ago.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, she’s right. Her racist behavior spurred a very important conversation about how racist she is. I love that logic. Now watch me start a dialogue on arson with these oil soaked rags and a Bic lighter. Sure people died. But look how much we’ve learned about the importance of smoke alarms. But it makes perfect sense coming from a leftist because to them talk is more important than action.

And Lightfoot much prefers the race conversation over the crime one. She’s the Andrew Cuomo of Chicago, only her bodies aren’t piling up in nursing homes. They’re piling up in the streets, and they’re brown and they’re black. And they’re young. Imagine if she were white. People would start asking questions like is this deliberate, but dare criticize her over her record, you know what she’s going to say?

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Mayor, in recent months, you know, there have been questions raised about your temperament and your reaction to criticism. Tribune editorial, use the term irascible. How much of this do you think might have to do with the fact that you’re a woman’s and specifically a black woman?

LIGHTFOOT: About 99 percent of it. Women and people of color are always held to a different standard. I understand that. I’ve known that my whole life.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Why isn’t it 100 percent? Her answers are as predictable as Kat’s hangovers. But according to Lightfoot pointing out her record is racist. Then again to her pointing out that she has food on her face is racist. Takes a special person presiding over mass murder to think that they’re the victim. She expects you to bleed to death on the pavement. Grateful your mayor is not some old white guy. But you know what else is racist? Comedy.

According to racist author of white fragility, Robin D’Angelo.

ROBIN D’ANGELO, AUTHOR, WHITE FRAGILITY: So comedy is — I think it’s an excuse to get to be racist, right? Like irony and I think T.V. shows like Family Guy and South Park and maybe a little bit The Simpsons, right? Allowed white people to be racist self-consciously, right? Like, I know I’m being racist, and therefore, it doesn’t count and it’s OK.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Who better to tell us what’s funny than someone who has stage four cancer of the funny bone? This grifter wouldn’t know funny if you gave her the F-U-N-N on Wheel of Fortune. So funny white people are racist, cool, and writing a book generalizing about white people isn’t. And what’s more fragile than someone who can’t take a joke. Think about it. The loudest voices shouting about racial inequality are often a weak need virtue signaling Caucasians.

Yet what have they done to correct the injustice and the inequality? Besides putting a BLM sign in their front yard and a rainbow coexist bumper sticker on their Tesla? Isn’t the time they resign their jobs to make room and correct this injustice every lily white leftist in a comfy editorial position at a magazine or a T.V. show or college. It’s time to move on and fix your privilege.

Anna Wintour Say hello to Vanessa Bush. Jimmy Kimmel say hello to Chris Tucker. Paul Krugman say hello to Coleman Hughes and Chris Cuomo say hello to Candace Owens. I wonder what the angry black male has to say.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TYRUS, FOX NATION HOST: On behalf of me today I’m ready today. Hi. All right kids. Let me break this down for you. I got a yellow apple. Hi. I got a green apple. Hi. What? You don’t talk to yellow apples because of yellow? All right (INAUDIBLE) being a racist. You should have known better, right? I want to talk to you unless you’re yellow. You don’t. You should have known better. Racist ass apple. Still good though. That’s up.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Nicely done. So if you’re white and find race, find everything, it’s time to put your money where your motor mouth is. Get out. If you’re, you know, you’re big on a $15.00 minimum wage, so give it a try. How great would it be to have Brian Stelter say to you, you know, you want to supersize that? Just check your fries before you leave. But if you don’t quit, then clearly you’re the racist, thinking you deserve that job over a person of color.

So until all white leftists resign their jobs, we must all hold them accountable. If they’re step up or shut up. Let’s start by demanding that every white person at CNN resigned immediately. But then again with their ratings. Who’s going to notice?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. There’s no copay to see her tonight. Fox News Medical Doctor, Janette Nesheiwat. Nesheiwat. He’s got to face for comedy and the looks of a Starbucks barista. WesternRazor.com spokesman David Angelo. Yes. Once you get to know her, she’s even worse. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. And if he says he’s so hungry, he could eat a horse. Hide your horse. My massive sidekick and host of “NUFF SAID” on Fox Nation, Tyrus.

Since the topic is comedy, David, I want to go to you first. As a racist comedian, do you think comedians are all racist?

DAVID ANGELO, WESTERN RAZOR.COM SPOKESMAN: No. I know. I do think it is funny though, that the de facto expert on racism in America right now is this white woman.

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: It’s like, guys, we need to elevate the voices of, you know, people of color and all this stuff. And then she just comes in like, hey, I got — I’ll handle these questions. Let me take the — lead on this, all right?

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: I would love to know how many black people live within five miles of Robin de Angelo’s house. Can we get a survey on that?

GUTFELD: Yes. I actually — I actually have the facts here, David. I’m glad you asked.

ANGELO: There’s no way.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s true. She’s like the — what you call the white racist whisper. Right? She’s like, I know what they’re thinking. That’s what — that’s how she got famed.

ANGELO: Yes. I mean, a lot of them. They do it today. I think they have latent racist feelings. And they do this is like overcompensation or something. But yes. Here’s the thing. As annoying as she is, I still don’t want — I still do always try to like better myself. So if there’s like things like, you know, I do really — sincerely I’m like, is there things I can do, but she’s so obnoxious and they go so over the top. I think it actually hurts a lot of the reflection normal people would have because it’s so much of it.

GUTFELD: There might be — yes, there might be some — there might be something there that we — everybody could do better. But when you become – – when the person becomes a parody, it’s like you can’t — if she’s funnier than Family Guy. Her book is better than the Simpsons. I mean, it — she is absolutely hysterical. All right. Doctor, good to see you. I butchered your — I butchered —

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Nesheiwat.

GUTFELD: Yes. It was supposed to be Geswhat, Nesheiwat.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: And then I just lost the T.

JANETTE NESHEIWAT, FOX NEWS MEDICAL DOCTOR: That’s OK. It’s a good one. My sister — my mom, she’s like, just tell them it’s Jeanette Guess what Nesheiwat and I’ve had that all my life and it’s always worked. So —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Have you thought about changing your name or something like Smith?

NESHEIWAT: Well, maybe shorten it a little bit if it’s easier for you.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. You know, we had a chat in the greenroom. I have a little bit of heartburn and you said I should get an EKG.

NESHEIWAT: Yes, that’s right.

GUTFELD: That’s a lot for heartburn.

NESHEIWAT: Well, it’s how do we know it’s heartburn? Little chest pain, a little pressure, a little nausea. Just want to be safe. We got to protect you, Greg. We want people healthy.

GUTFELD: What if I —

(CROSSTALK)

NESHEIWAT: Now we could use one of — one of David’s razors to shave all the hair on the chest.

ANGELO: Thank you. Thank you for the plug.

NESHEIWAT: For the EKG.

GUTFELD: What if I thought that somebody close to me at work might be putting ground up glass in my oatmeal?

NESHEIWAT: No, who could that be? Who would do that to you? Tyrus.

GUTFELD: So you — the United States was a patient, right? And you see this constant obsession with race and everything. What would be your prognosis as a doctor? Are you worried?

NESHEIWAT: Well, I think first of all, there is no room for racism, no matter what. We can’t fight racism with racism. But when it comes to comedy, I mean, that’s it. That’s what makes it a little bit edgy. And, you know, American needs to lighten up a little bit. That’s what makes us laugh. And of course, laughter is the best medicine.

GUTFELD: Oh. I’ve never heard that before. I’ve never heard that before. You stay out of this.

TIMPF: Well, OK. Like if you want me to I can go back home. I was gone for a while. And you were — you did miss me. Well I wouldn’t be back.

GUTFELD: Well, yes, that missing wore off. Let’s be honest.

TIMPF: Oh, OK. Yes.

GUTFELD: Oh, it took us two days. You know, Tyrus, I never saw a man crushing Apple with his hands.

TYRUS: You haven’t?

GUTFELD: No.

TYRUS: Well, now you have. You know, what we’re seeing is whenever these racist notice — they notice racism they talk really loud, but they say absolutely nothing. When Lightfoot was asked a question like, why did you do that? And I’m unapologetic, because it started a conversation about a conversation that needed to happen. Please follow up question again. I think on a journalist school, what’s the conversation?

Well, the conversation is a conversation about potential conversations. So we’re talking about — you can’t ask me that. Racist? Being racist is meaningless now. Racist is a new term for somebody you don’t like.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: It has nothing to do with skin color. It’s just — I — what? You disagree with me, racist. And even it’s like, why not white racist crime now? It’s like, everybody’s a racist. So if everyone is a racist, nobody’s really racist.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: So, you know —

GUTFELD: That’s good for David.

ANGELO: Yes. Thank god.

TYRUS: But the only thing was, you can’t — and you can’t be a little bit racist.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Family Guy, racist. Since then they’re a little bit racist, you’re either all in or you all out? You don’t wear half a Klan mask. You know what I’m saying? Like, you know, it’s just ridiculous to the fact that we – – they play on this because the reason why they can’t talk about it is because they have no experience with it. And that’s the beautiful thing is when people have to make (BLEEP) up about what’s racist, because they haven’t experienced it, or seen it.

So of course, you got to make it up. Because if you can talk about — you can talk about racist moments. But racist, just like anything else is the individual sport. It is not the country anymore.

GUTFELD: That’s a very good point. Kat, he raises this fine young man over here, raises images (INAUDIBLE) the point that everybody says they’re unapologetic. That — as if that’s a good thing, but maybe you should apologize.

TIMPF: Yes, sometimes, right. And it’s just — the idea of not being afraid to question things. I mean, thinking about the idea when it comes to comedy that intention doesn’t matter. And she’s saying, OK, like, you know, punching up, don’t punch downs. Like how about a more important question is, is this supposed to be a punch? Are you trying to make people laugh? I think that is a very important distinction.

Because intention matters in everything else in life. It matters when a person kills another person. Are you saying that the one thing that’s so serious that intention can’t matter is jokes? I don’t buy it.

GUTFELD: This is — this is probably one of the most important points you’ve ever made.

TIMPF: Oh, thank you.

GUTFELD: No. Because people now, these antiracist activists say intention doesn’t matter when preference things. It’s like — it’s like, when you — when you — were when you’re teaching, let’s say is it Huck Finn, and it’s got the racial slur in it. And if you — if you’re the teacher and you bring it up, you will lose your job because intention doesn’t matter. Right?

TIMPF: Right. So like if Tyrus, if, you know, instead of the glass in the coffee seems premeditated, but if he drives your car accidentally hits you, then starts manslaughter.

TYRUS: Really? Interesting.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: There you go. Yeah. All right.

TIMPF: Whoever though.

GUTFELD: Up next, violent criminals attack. But liberal laws make it hard to fight back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Only in New York. Start spreading the news. We’re all going to die.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh my god.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Seniors beaten without pity. Welcome to New York City. So here’s video of what might now be called typical morning in Brooklyn. It’s 9:00 a.m. The sun is shining and a mugger brutally beats the (BLEEP) of a 68- year-old man then he robs him. After all, he didn’t want to be rude. We’ll have to wait till he’s identified to know how many times he’s been recently led out of jail. And here’s another robbery in broad daylight.

Also in Brooklyn. Proving criminals are emboldened enough to have a normal sleep schedule. The only reason that dude didn’t get away with anything is because his pants kept falling down. Usually if there’s a pantsless criminal in Brooklyn, it’s Anthony Weiner. Lawlessness like this is happening all over. And a big reason is that court systems are a mess, especially in Democrat-run cities. Listen to this insane stat about murders in Chicago from the city’s top cop.

DAVID BROWN, CHICAGO POLICE SUPERINTENDENT: What we can do different is challenge the courts to render Chicago safe by holding violent offenders in jail longer, not releasing murderers back into our community. That’s what we can do different. Over 90 people charged with murder or have been released, that should be a headline in the city.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Ninety murderers charged and released. Pretty soon they’ll start paying them. Look, you don’t have to be Columbo to realize releasing murderers will lead to an increase in murders. Even if they’re given a stern talking to win dinner without dessert. And what does the court expect them to do when they get out? Paint landscapes. And no one’s safe from the crime wave. Former California Democratic Senator Barbara Boxer who’s 80 years old got mugged in Oakland this week. Here she’s describing the attack.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

BARBARA BOXER, FORMER CALIFORNIA DEMOCRATIC SENATOR: I tried to cross the street and get away. And he slammed me on the back and reached across me, he was behind me and grabbed my cell phone out of my hand. And I just said, how can you do this to a grandmother? I want to call my grandkids? Why are you doing this? He could care less and got in the car and they sped away.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Maybe this case will get solved because the victims of former senator and not some poor Asian grandmother. So bottom line, the crime wave rolls on and until elected leaders step up to address it. Violent videos just like the one you saw will be commonplace. Though it’s only a matter of time before someone packages them and sells it. Imagine that commercial.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Now for the first time ever on one DVD, the Democratic Party in conjunction with CNN and virtue signaling demagogues present crime going wild. It’s a classic collection of all the horrible attacks that John Lemon and Chris Cuomo pretend never happened.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I knew crime was bad, but statistics hurt my head. I just wish there was a better way for me to understand this epidemic.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Well, now you can with broad day like beatdowns. Assaults with pots and pans, hot liquids and brazen attacks on elderly women.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It’s like the end of the world. I’m pretty sure to find the police is a bad idea.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, see what happens when national and local leaders abdicate their moral responsibility to keep citizens safe and secure. To see what happens when police are demonized as repeat criminals are released onto the streets. No cash bail reform. George Soros approved D.A.s. Do you think it can’t get any worse that you just start thinking enough.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Thanks to this DVD. I no longer have to go outside to express violence on a personal level. Thanks, Crime Gone Wild.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: So get crime going wild today.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Doctor, you just have to laugh. They say laughter is the best medicine.

NESHEIWAT: That’s right.

GUTFELD: But, you know, it’s — imagine the nation were a patient, what would be your prognosis?

NESHEIWAT: So, this what we’re seeing, this is either pure mental illness or evilness, or maybe even just a combination of both. I mean, we do know that one in five Americans suffer from mental illness and it goes undiagnosed and unaddressed. But this is out of control.

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: It’s me.

GUTFELD: I know. know it’s kind of mute. She said that I counted there are five people here.

TIMPF: Have I hidden that? I don’t think so.

NESHEIWAT: But I mean, it’s just so out of control. I mean, I think Lori Lightfoot and Mayor de Blasio instead of worrying about who should get that interview, maybe focus on this massive crime spree that we’re seeing. These criminals that have no remorse and no regard for humanity and just putting these poor innocent grandma or grandma and grandpa’s in the hospital.

GUTFELD: Yes. But they can’t focus on that, David, because it’s their fault. So it’s like if you — if you talk — it’s like that’s why they pretend that they’re just hoping to get through the summer. Like, you know, that — so the winner will come and everybody goes back inside and crime goes down and go see there was no crime spree.

ANGELO: Not out here. Look, I think you’re looking at the crime thing wrong.

GUTFELD: OK.

ANGELO: I love the crime.

GUTFELD: Yes, you loved the crime. OK.

TIMPF: There’s the take.

ANGELO: It’s bringing down the property values, you know. Yes. I’d rather get mugged twice a month for 50 bucks a pop and that saves me five grand a year in rent. I did the math, yes.

GUTFELD: You know, there are people that actually probably think that way that aren’t living in New York that have properties or looking to buy properties. Now there’s never been a better time to buy in New York City.

ANGELO: Yes, I’m hoping to get stabbed so I can afford in unit washer dryer.

GUTFELD: That is the funniest thing. I think I’ve heard in a long time. Tyrus, we do this story all the time. I don’t even know what to say.

TYRUS: What story is that, Greg?

GUTFELD: This non-stop crime. And that the fact is, no matter what we say our politicians don’t give a damn.

TYRUS: Well, you know, Greg, I’m speaking on behalf of the politicians that this is affecting they are unapologetic that they did this and it’s opening a great conversation that we can talk about gun control and global warming. The bad — good news is that winter is not coming anytime soon because the — were extreme climate, so it’s going to be summer to at least. I don’t know next through, next February.

So, you know, crime is going to be be going strong, which then leads to the conversation about existential respect and so forth. So thank you so much for this opportunity to have this conversation. Because it was much needed.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: Did I mention I was unapologetic?

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. I’m just so glad you started the conversation.

TYRUS: Yes, and don’t you dare question because that makes you, Kat? He’s a what? If he questions me?

TIMPF: I was thinking how much I love summer. Excuse me.

TYRUS: Damn it, Kat. He’s a racist.

GUTFELD: I’m a racist for God’s sake.

TIMPF: It makes me feel alive when the sun is shining.

GUTFELD: Yes. But by the — I mean you walk to work, how much — how much crime?

TIMPF: I see so much crime.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And it’s just, you know, it just drives me crazy. I don’t know how we got to the point of, yes, let’s release the violent felons.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Because I’ve been a huge advocate for criminal justice reform forever. I am somebody who doesn’t and hasn’t agreed with many conservatives on crime because I, you know, I don’t think that nonviolent drug crimes are crimes for example. And then I see OK, we got it. We will release violent felons. No, no, no, those are the people who need to be in jail. I don’t know how we got there or why because it’s so obvious and it’s — there’s a difference between being progressive on an issue and being so stupid.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s hard to tell.

TIMPF: I mean, they try to zit up on purpose. I really — like it’s crazy. That’s how ridiculous it is.

GUTFELD: I think they’re trying to destroy the country, Kat. That’s why I joined the militia.

TIMPF: OK.

ANGELO: You (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: But David? We joined a militia.

ANGELO: You guys are too hard on the criminals. They’re nice. In my neighborhood, the muggers know everyone by name. Hey Doug, give me your wallet. You know, that’s friendly.

GUTFELD: It’s friendly.

TIMPF: Yes, I could see you as a slumlord. Yeah.

ANGELO: That’s the dream.

GUTFELD: Up next, should the unboxed be trapped at home or free to row?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

ANNOUNCER: “PLEASE GOD MAKE THIS END.”

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Follow the science becomes forced compliance. Don, I hope they recognize me at dinner, Lemon. And Chris, I don’t wear oil when I work out. Cuomo, went all in on getting the COVID vaccine. For Don, if you’re not vaccinated, you might as well lock yourself in the house and never leave.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

DON LEMON, CNN HOST: Don’t get the vaccine? You can’t go to the supermarket. Don’t have the vaccine? You can’t go to the ballgame. Don’t have the vaccine? Can’t go to work. You don’t have the vaccine? Can’t come here. No shirt. No shoes. No service.

All these people are saying I don’t want to put this stuff in my body. They’re out drinking on the weekend and putting other substances in their bodies. It’s way worse for them than a vaccine. So come on, let’s be real.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Wow, what a jab at Kat. At least he could have just said your name. But it sounds like he’s trying to increase his viewership through captive audiences. By the way, if you don’t want to adjust anything toxic, doctors recommend turning off CNN.

Anyway, their hyperbole didn’t end there. Earlier Cuomo bloviating about freedom to a Florida GOP congressmen who saying no to the vaccine.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHRIS CUOMO, CNN HOST: I’m not doing it because I made that decision.

(CROSSTALK)

CUOMO: That doesn’t make you just a free person. All right, freedom isn’t just defined as the bold and ability to be strong and wrong. It’s about doing the right thing. If your answer is just then, well, I don’t care what they say, this is me; I’m an American. That is being dumb as a proxy for being bold.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Speaking of dumb, this is a great time to remind people Chris Cuomo broke his own quarantine before a vaccine existed. But if you’re not dumb, you might as well be drunk. Just ask California Governor Gavin Newsom.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GOV. GAVIN NEWSOM (D-CA): Just like drunk drivers, you don’t have the right to go out and drink and drive and put everybody else at risk, including your own life at risk.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: So, now, they’re comparing the unvaccinated with drunk drivers. That’s a false comparison. You can’t get a vaccine that protects against drunk drivers. See how similes work, Gavin? Here’s another simile: taking vaccine advice from a man who had public unmask meetings while arresting people for surfing is like being a jackass.

All right, Doctor. I — you know, it necessarily the right way to get people to get vaccinated by belittling them, mocking them, calling them names taking pleasure in moral superiority?

DR. JEANETTE NESHEIWAT, FOX NEWS MEDICAL CONTRIBUTOR: It’s like that’s the complete opposite. Who is he, the God of COVID? What do you want people to stay home?

GUTFELD: That’s me, by the way —

NESHEIWAT: And starve to death, socially isolate, become anxious became, become depressed? I mean, that’s discriminatory, in my opinion. What about the people that can’t get vaccinated that are allergic to the ingredients? Or maybe they just had COVID? They don’t need to be vaccinated. So, we need to look at all options, not just categorize everyone, you know, into the same bowl.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: They’re belittling them incorrectly.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: If they really cared about vaccines? They would do vaccine out — whenever they talk with a vaccine, it’s just, oh, well, it’s all you know, these, you know, Republican rednecks. They won’t get vaccinated.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: A third of hospital workers in New York City are not vaccinated.

GUTFELD: True.

TIMPF: Is that is that MAGA country in New York City hospitals? Not exactly. It doesn’t — there’s no political, it’s not a political thing and they just won’t acknowledge that. And also, I did get vaccinated. I am not wearing a mask anymore. I’m not wearing a mask. There is a very, very rare chance you can get COVID with the vaccine.

There’s also like maybe a couple of people could save your life but you know what else could wearing a helmet everywhere you go. You wear a helmet everywhere you go could probably save a few lives too from head stuff that happens in the wild. And you know what, I’m not doing that. You can use the exact same arguments. I’m not doing that. I’m not wearing a mask anymore. No!

NESHEIWAT: And if you’re vaccinated, you shouldn’t have to.

TIMPF: I’m vaccinated.

NESHEIWAT: You shouldn’t have to. Yes.

TIMPF: I hate it. I don’t want the fabric covering my beautiful face.

GUTFELD: That’s what it’s really about. What did you want? I saw you waving over there in the corner, strange man.

DAVID ANGELO, WESTERNRAZER.COM SPOKESPERSON: No, no, I’m just, I agree with you. I think it’s a good point. I got the vaccine and you know I’ve had people say though they’re worried about it, but I’ve had no — there’s another tooth. No side effects.

GUTFELD: That is, that, that was just a prop tooth.

ANGELO: That was a prop tooth.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Why should you ruin the magic show, like know —

GUTFELD: You make a great point a couple of nights ago, Tyrus, where you said that kids and I, anybody with kids, they have to the kids come into school have to provide a little card that shows that they’ve been vaccinated or —

TYRUS: When your kids in school, you have to have your vaccination records up to date, you know.

TIMPF: Yes.

TYRUS: And the same thing, when you bring your dog to the vet, they’re like, are the shots up to date? So, having a little card saying that you have your vaccine, I don’t have to see a big issue with that. But I don’t when it comes to personal choice, or whatever, here’s the deal. And although, I’m not a doctor or scientist, I am Tyrus, so — I can just wing it. COVID is not going anywhere. It’s going to always kind of be here, just like the flu. And you know, things that come seasonal, and it’s, it’s always going to be a little shark in the water when it comes to that.

And we’re going to have casualties, just like people die from the flu, and etc. And you can take care of yourself. And if somebody doesn’t want to get vaccinated, we have to respect that. We might not like it, and hopefully they’re honest, like, hey, guys, I want to get in the elevator. I’m not vaccinated. OK, great. And then they are they were the master, whatever. Politicizing it, because this is the — the left has made some mistakes. They defund the police thing, went horribly wrong.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: Now, they’re defending them. So all they have left now is the scare of the vaccine. Because when that goes in the midterms, they got to have some kind of crisis where you got to stick with a plan because if you don’t, the evil Republicans are going to take away your vaccine. They have that’s all they have left. Because they’ve mismanaged the American people. They miss guess, they misspoke. They’re unapologetically dumb that they didn’t think about telling, talking to the American people the right way.

GUTFELD: Yes. And now, they’ve got to, they’ve got a new class system to pit people against vaxxed versus unvaxxed, which is great for conflict theater on CNN, right? They can — they now have millions of people that can make fun of again.

ANGELO: And you know, the biggest source of vaccine hesitancy is the media says it’s OK.

GUTFELD: Yes. It’s true.

ANGELO: What are the odds that this is the first thing CNN is right about?

GUTFELD: Yes.

ANGELO: You know what I mean?

GUTFELD: That’s a good point. I don’t trust them.

ANGELO: And I just want to say to the viewers at home, the vaccine is safe. Yes.

NESHEIWAT: It is safe. Don’t listen to him. If you are vaccinated, it’ll keep you out of the hospital and off of ventilator.

TIMPF: And when Don Lemon said, you think you probably put worst and stuff in your body than the vaccine, I said that on the show and explaining why I was going to get vaccinated. It’s true.

GUTFELD: Oh my god, I put things in my body I wouldn’t put in anybody else.

TYRUS: That’s an entirely different show. And that’s the 2:00 am hour.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Exactly. Talk to any E.R. Any, any E.R. doctor, he’s got stories. They have some —

TYRUS: They all know your safe word.

GUTFELD: Up next, an Olympic star withdraws. Well, a photo gives China pause.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: A Polaroid has China paranoid and these games are so demanding that you didn’t stick around for the landing. And those are the list of reasons that this could be —

ANNOUNCER: “THE WORST OLYMPICS EVER.”

GUTFELD: The Chinese Foreign Ministry claims Western media photos of Chinese athletes are unflattering when compared to their counterparts. They cited a picture similar to this one of weightlifter, Haozing Hu, thank you, that they thought made her look unattractive. They haven’t been this mad about a photo since Tiananmen Square. Of course, people aren’t at their most attractive when they’re lifting heavy weights. It’s why I ban the media from my morning squat.

Meanwhile, Simone Biles says she wasn’t mentally right for the gymnastics final and withdrew from the competition, leaving America’s team to compete with athletes most people haven’t heard of her. She’s explaining why, why she bailed.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SIMONE BILES, TEAM USA GYMNASTICS: I just felt like it would be a little bit better to take a back seat, work on my mindfulness. And I knew that the girls would do an absolutely great job and I didn’t want to risk the team a medal for kind of my screw ups because they’ve worked way too hard for that.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Hey, even without fans, there’s still a ton of pressure competing at the highest levels. It’s why I chose not to compete this year. The Americans ended up taking silver anyway, which William Devayne points out is its own reward.

What do you have in your safe? I am William Debayne and I’m so (BLEEP) rich.

See the city behind me? I own that whole city. I’m William Debayne. Where is William, by the way? All right, Tyrus, I don’t know where my brain is going. But as an athlete, how do you, you’re sympathetic to Simone, there’s a strategy behind this. I think she tried to help her team is that basically it?

TYRUS: Well, I first of all, I commend her because just the fact that she’s still competing and this is the one sport where you don’t see people two three Olympics.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And still compete at a high level. It’s usually the, the, the wear and tear, and the amount of her joints that go through. She did the vault, she didn’t land right. And it’s time, and there’s one thing that you have to respect with athletes is when they know when it’s time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And some can’t let go. And that says a lot about her that she knew. And if the timing is horrible, but it always is. There’s that night in boxing where your favorite boxer gets old.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: You know, and, and you’re like, please don’t fight anymore. You know, Evander Holyfield is my favorite boxer, and please don’t fight anymore. You know, in the same thing, but her having the courage and not be unselfish and her saying I couldn’t do this vault anymore. I know it’s over and I respect that and we all need to respect the fact that it takes courage to do the thing that you love and dedicated your life to. It’s not going to be anymore. I can remember, I know the, the playing football where I know it’s a wrap. I can’t do it anymore. I want to. The hearts willing but the body says no. And, you know.

TIMPF: However, is that you saying I’m too old to be an Olympic gymnast?

GUTFELD: Kat, you constantly put post-selfies? How important is women’s appearance at work?

TIMPF: Um, here’s the thing. I think that I come to work looking really, really ugly. But then I get my hair and makeup done so I’m not sure if it applies to me. I come in looking bedraggled and wearing some strange clothes.

GUTFELD: But you can, you feel bad about the power lifter not looking her best?

TIMPF: Here’s the thing. I feel like the Communist Party of China, even if that were true, they’ve done worse things to us. Feel like they have done worse things to us.

GUTFELD: Let’s see what the Uighurs —

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: And just get, get an Instagram filter if you got a problem, China.

TIMPF: Yes, I feel like they’ve done some worse things.

GUTFELD: Yes. You know, David, you’re our Olympic experts. You’ve been covering the Olympics for at least 12 minutes.

ANGELO: That’s right. Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, going back at least an hour.

ANGELO: I competed. You know, I was, I was on the backgammon team for the Cayman Islands back in 96.

TYRUS: Damn shame. What happened to you guys?

ANGELO: Yes, no, Simone, she’s, she’s out. And you know, they must be serious, because you can’t — the whole thing is for the Olympics.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes, that’s true. When you get there and then you’re like, I can’t do it. Yes. The whole point is that the things so you’d go in and and, you know, I feel for but you know, in my case, like I woke up this morning, I knew, I felt awful, I knew I wouldn’t be funny, but I said, you know, just go to GUTFELD show. It doesn’t — just go through the motions. It won’t matter. And here I am.

GUTFELD: Yes. And you’re bombing.

ANGELO: I know.

GUTFELD: You know what, it reminds me, it does remind me of the Curb Your Enthusiasm special when Larry David prepares for this big onstage thing and then doesn’t he walk out and then just turn around? Is that like, there’s a thing where he just kind of walks up and he goes —

TYRUS: Nah, I’m good.

GUTFELD: I’m good. I’m good. I’m good and just leaves. That’s what she like, if you may, maybe you just know that it’s the time.

NESHEIWAT: Yes. And that’s what I love about these Olympic champions: Biles, also Naomi Osaka for the tennis champion. They are putting their mental health first not just about the Olympics and winning medals and putting others first taking that into consideration. I think that’s so important. And as far as that picture from China, I mean, come on, this is not a beauty pageant.

They’re supposed to be showcasing their talent and their strength and their skills, not what you look like. I mean, she does, or he does, she does look a little constipated but — at the end of the day, it’s what you bring home.

GUTFELD: Is that diagnosis. Do you diagnose constipation by looking at people?

NESHEIWAT: You can. If they’re bloated and distended.

TYRUS: Greg, I just like to say this thing is a cute face and a clean and jerk. There’s just no way. I’ve never been like —

GUTFELD: Coming up, the “Exorcist” returns. But will fans be stressed if Linda Blair’s not possessed?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Well, Linda Blair be missed in the new “Exorcist”. A $400 million sequel trilogy to the “Exorcist” is in the works. And Linda Blair who portrayed the demon possessed Reagan in the original says she hasn’t been asked to be involved. That’s outrageous. And that decision has head spinning. You writers! This is much to the dismay of the film’s fans who insist the power of Christ should compel them to give Blair a cameo.

Still, Blair says she doesn’t expect anything will change but a maybe the producers are worried Blair will be too expensive, especially when they could just go to Kats place and film her waking up from a tequila Tuesday. Kat, you like me grew up Catholic? This movie terrified me.

TIMPF: Yes. Yes, I was raised not just Catholic but Catholic. Like holy water everywhere. My mom put St. Benedict models of Rolla doors keep the devil away. She put blessed salt in my suitcase once. I was like, Mom, if somebody like — I didn’t know about. I was like people who think I’m trying to fly with cocaine. They’re not going to leave. My mom didn’t want me out in Los Angeles at the blessing salt.

So, yes, it terrifies me. And I’m agnostic. And so, I also feel like the fact that this terrifies me, is that like an acknowledgment that maybe I do think God is real if I think maybe demons are real. I don’t know. Makes you think.

GUTFELD: No, but you know, Tom, I wish, I always say this and people think I’m weird. This is one of my favorites of all time.

TIMPF: (INAUDIBLE).

GUTFELD: I did that again. David — it’s working. I’ve been calling people by the wrong names. You know what, it’s the heartburn.

I wish this movie was real because I would love — imagine if to be demonic possession was like an added variable in our lives. Like, it was like, oh, did you hear what happened to Steve? Yes, possessed by the devil. We would have so many fewer problems. If that was a, if that was like it’s like having a Land Shark could happen at any time.

ANGELO: Yes, I also grew up Catholic but I did it. I was real Catholic, which mean we never went to church. You are, you are some weird strain.

TIMPF: Polish. Polish.

ANGELO: Yes, you knew about the Bible and stuff. That’s not how the real Catholics do.

GUTFELD: I was an altar boy.

TIMPF: I was an altar boy too when they let people who weren’t boys to it.

ANGELO: But you know —

GUTFELD: That’s not real.

ANGELO: In the, in the reboot, the family, they are atheists. So, they just, they just roll they send her off to college.

TIMPF: So, they saw her be possessed and they’re atheists? Maybe there is no hope.

ANGELO: They’re just like bye Megan have fun —

GUTFELD: You know what, that could be Antifa. It’s just a bunch of people who are possessed that the parents didn’t decide to de-possess.

ANGELO: That’s what it is.

GUTFELD: That’s brilliant.

ANGELO: They roll with it.

GUTFELD: Doctor, what do you make of demonic possessions, real or not real?

NESHEIWAT: Horror movies horrify me. They are bad for your health. They should be banned. They should be illegal. Well, you can you can have a stroke or a heart attack in the movie theater. I can’t, I can’t do it. I say no. Pass.

GUTFELD: Wow.

ANGELO: You know that?

NESHEIWAT: No, thank you. I have vivid nightmares since I was a kid from this movie. I cannot watch another horror movie. What is it Freddy Krueger and, and the scissors.

GUTFELD: Edward Scissor Hands.

NESHEIWAT: Yes.

GUTFELD: Kidding.

TIMPF: Being afraid makes you feel alive.

GUTFELD: Thank you. Thank you, woman. You just crawled out of the well? Were you an extra in the room?

TYRUS: I’m just going to get Tyrus, I’m saying keep it real for this trip. This is a waste of $400 million. You’re never going to recreate the greatness that was the original x — it works now it scares now I watched it with my kids. It was phenomenal.

GUTFELD: Still amazing.

TYRUS: My daughter had this awesome moment where she wrote helped me on her stomach. Daddy, help me. And I was like this is awesome. We don’t want demon possessions to be real. Nobody will be in jail. No one will ever be – – why are you doing that, Tyrus? Possess. Let him go, damn it.

GUTFELD: That’s — Sam, did that right?

TYRUS: Yes.

NESHEIWAT: Can we just stick to Spider Man and Superman?

GUTFELD: Oh, those are boring.

TIMPF: Yes, it’s the same movie every time.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. You got to go “Exorcist” all the way. All right, don’t go away. We’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We are out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Dr. Jeanette Nesheiwat, David Angelo and his razors, Kat Timpf, Tyrus, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you America.

Content and Programming Copyright 2021 Fox News Network, LLC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Copyright 2021 VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. All materials herein are protected by United States copyright law and may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, displayed, published or broadcast without the prior written permission of VIQ Media Transcription, Inc. You may not alter or remove any trademark, copyright or other notice from copies of the content.

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[the-desolated-quill]

The God Complex - Doctor Who blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Oh great! Another Toby Whithouse episode! They’re always good for a giggle!

I’ve always felt Whithouse was the obvious candidate to take over from Moffat as opposed to Chris Chibnall. Granted not everything he writes is amazing, but he always maintains a decent level of quality and he seems to have a good handle as to what makes Doctor Who such a unique show. I absolutely adored School Reunion and while The Vampires Of Venice was a tad flawed, it was still hugely entertaining due to its camp silliness. The God Complex is very much in the same vein as Vampires. Although problems do crop up toward the end, it’s still very enjoyable overall.

The Doctor, Amy and Rory arrive at a hotel, only to discover it’s not a hotel at all. It’s a prison made to look like a hotel with other ‘guests’ trapped inside, their worst fears hidden behind every door and a hungry Minotaur roaming the corridors. Bit like a hotel I stayed at in Rome during a school trip.

Now of course the advertisements describe the rooms as containing their worst fears, but I do hope Whithouse didn’t actually intend this to be scary. Because if he did, he may have fallen short by a few... light-years. See the thing about fears that are personal to you is that only you find them scary. Everyone else just finds them either tame or just plain hilarious, especially if it’s something weird like a gym teacher or a man in a gorilla suit clutching some toilet roll, both of which appear in the episode and both of which are hysterically funny. So I’m assuming that Whithouse was going more for surreal rather than scary. And yeah, it works. It works really well. If Whithouse was going for surreal, this is definitely surreal. The hotel is a great setting and it does lend itself to some very weird imagery, like the dining room full of ventriloquist dummies. A lot of it feels very reminiscent of Stephen King. The most obvious is The Shining with perhaps a little bit of It thrown in for good measure. Not very original granted, but it’s executed very well. And I did like the Minotaur. Okay the design is a bit crap, but the use of fisheye lens and inventive camera angles help to make it somewhat threatening.

Let’s talk about the characters, starting with my favourite. Rita, played by Amara Karan. Having had to put up with obnoxious plot device in a mini-skirt Amy for what feels like two ice ages rather than series, you can imagine I was very excited when the Doctor offered to take Rita with him in the TARDIS when all this was over. A woman that’s not defined by her physical attractiveness or her importance to the Doctor and is actually a fully realised character in her own right? Whithouse, please, remind me what that’s like! It’s been such a long time!

Needless to say, I really liked Rita. She’s funny, really smart, she’s got a good head on her shoulders, and is able to keep her cool while everyone else is losing their’s. I particularly liked the exploration of her faith. She believes the hotel is actually Jahannam, the Muslim version of Hell, and I liked how she’s able to take it all in her stride. She’s confused as to why she’s been sent to ‘Jahannam’, believing she has lived a good and moral life, but remains steadfast that everything will be explained and that she will get out of this somehow. Plus it’s just nice to have a Muslim woman on Doctor Who. I certainly would love to see a Muslim woman become the Doctor’s companion. I was utterly heartbroken when she died, although I suppose I should have seen it coming. I thought Amara Karan gave a really good performance and would have  fit in really well with Matt Smith’s Doctor. I feel she would have provided a nice rational counterbalance for him. I especially liked her calm rejection of the Doctor’s all mighty saviour mentality.

I could have done without the stereotyping though. When Rita opens the door to her room, her worst fear is revealed to be her strict dad berating her for getting a B in mathematics.

Really Whithouse? 

In fact this episode contains a lot of stereotyping now that I’m thinking about it. I mean look at Howie. Bespectacled nerd with a stutter who blogs about conspiracy theories, likes Star Trek and is afraid of talking to girls. Joe doesn’t escape this either. He’s a gambler and we know this because he wears a horseshoe pin on his tie and dice cufflinks. It just feels really lazy on Whithouse’s part.

The other character I liked was Gibbis, played by David Walliams. Now this surprised me because David Walliams worked with Matt Lucas in the sketch show Little Britain, which I’ve always thought was about as funny as passing a kidney stone. They also worked together on the short lived mockumentary series Come Fly With Me, which was quite possibly one of the worst comedies I’ve ever sat through in my life. In fact I still vividly remember that Christmas. My family and I staring open-mouthed at the telly watching David Walliams and Matt Lucas in yellowface singing a really offensive, mock Chinese song about Martin Clunes. I actually consider it an insult to my backside that I had to sit through that deeply racist pile of dreck and to this day I still don’t know what possessed the BBC into thinking that was in any way appropriate. To cut a long story short, I don’t like Walliams or Lucas very much. What can I say? I have a thing against talentless hacks thinking casual racism is funny. It’s a quirk of mine. But yeah, I really liked Gibbis. It’s a great idea. A race of aliens that have survived by sucking up to their invaders and oppressors. It lends itself to some really funny moments (their national anthem is ‘Glory To... Insert Name Here.’ LOL), I liked how Gibbis’ cowardice is used to pit the characters against one another, and as much as I’m loath to admit it, I thought David Walliams did a good job in the role. Well I suppose even a broken clock is right twice a day (unless it’s digital of course).

As I said, I do mostly like the episode. It’s very surreal and engaging. Silly but entertainingly so. It’s just a shame the whole thing had to go a bit tits up at the end.

So the Doctor works out that the Minotaur isn’t actually feeding on fear, but on faith, and that the reason the TARDIS was drawn there was because of Amy’s faith in the Doctor. Okay, not a bad idea. It’s certainly a good way to explore their relationship and how Amy has never really grown up, as demonstrated when the Doctor talks to her and he sees her as young Amelia. The problem is the whole faith aspect isn’t done very well. For instance, I can see Amy having faith in the Doctor, Rita having faith in Allah and Joe having faith in luck, but Howie’s faith in conspiracy theories? That’s a bit of a stretch. And what about Rory? He’s repeatedly shown the fire exit because apparently he doesn’t have any faith in anything.

BOLLOCKS

Everyone has faith in something.

And then there’s the resolution. If Amy’s faith in the Doctor is so strong, would a two minute monologue really be enough to break it? It feels very similar to a moment in The Curse Of Fenric where the Seventh Doctor had to break his companion Ace’s faith in him, but the reason that worked was because it was genuinely shocking and uncomfortable to watch. He coldly attacked parts of Ace’s self esteem and made her feel like little more than a piece on a chessboard. Here it just feels a bit pathetic and half-arsed in comparison. Also you never get the sense that the Doctor and Amy’s relationship has actually changed once her faith has been ‘broken’. They’re still laughing and smiling like they normally do. With Seven and Ace, while he does apologise and explain why he did it, you get the sense that their once close relationship is slightly more fragile now going forward.

But one thing that puzzles me especially (and this is in no way Whithouse’s fault) is why is Amy’s faith in the Doctor so strong considering everything that’s happened. Would Amy’s faith really be that unshakeable after the Doctor failed to save her daughter? Or when he coldly left her alternative self to die in The Girl Who Waited? 

Which brings me to this. Remember in my previous review when I said I had a problem with how The Girl Who Waited was resolved, but it wouldn’t become apparent until now? Well this is it. Wouldn’t it make so much more sense if Amy and Rory left after that episode rather than this one? The God Complex is really jarring at the beginning because the three leads are getting along, but surely after what happened in the previous episode there would be some tension between them. Can they actually trust the Doctor after everything that’s happened? So I have a really hard time buying that Amy would still have faith in the Doctor. Or at least that her faith would be as strong as they’re claiming it is. I would much rather have seen Amy and Rory take some initiative and choose to leave the TARDIS of their own accord because of what the Doctor did rather than having them get unceremoniously dumped for the weakest and most patronising of reasons. He’s worried they’re going to get killed if they stay with him. Well big whoop! Get over yourself! Yes it’s dangerous travelling with him, but his companions are well aware of that. They want to travel through time and space because it’s cool, not because they’re too stupid to know better. If Amy and Rory want to take the risk, that’s their choice. By stripping them of that choice, the Doctor is basically treating Amy like the child he just encouraged her to grow up from and leave behind a few minutes ago.

The God Complex was never going to be special. I realise that. But it was still a decent enough story that was both imaginative and enjoyable to watch. It’s just such a shame that ending had to spoil it.

#the god complex #toby whithouse #doctor who #eleventh doctor #matt smith #amy pond #karen gillan #rory williams #arthur darvill #steven moffat #bbc #review #spoilers

[fanfic-inator795]

OK KO Oneshot: Blorpers Gonna Blorp

Plot: When an annoying meme comes back from the dead, it’s nice to have people - specifically a slightly obnoxious robotic boyfriend - by your side.

((Sorry about the stupid title, lol. But yeah, I’m not hugely into the Radmond ship personally, but at the same time I think it’s pretty cute and I’ve had this idea for a while so, why not write it? Anyway, enjoy!))

To the two of them, actually being a couple wasn’t too hard. Sure, both of them admittedly had quite a bit of pride and Rad did struggle with showing his true feelings at times (though he had been slowly improving at it, much to the delight of his boyfriend and co-workers). However, after the initial confession and whatever embarrassment or nerves that came with it, the actual act of being in a relationship was pretty much smooth sailing! Even their contrasting alignments to ‘good’ and ‘evil’ respectfully didn’t provide much conflict! 

...Setting up dates on the other hand was quite the challenge. With one working a full time job and the other being at the beck-and-call of his father and his missions, it was pretty difficult to find time where they were not only both free but were sure that they wouldn’t get annoyingly interrupted.

Still, they took whatever they could get, hence why Raymond would usually make his way to the plaza around the same time every day, about when Rad’s lunch break started. And, luckily for the alien, Enid would usually let him be a few minutes late getting back, just as long as he brought her back a small snack from wherever they decided to eat. 

Today it was this small diner just about a block or so away from the plaza, recommended specifically by Mr. Logic since they were one of the few places that served several dishes that catered specifically to robotic tastes. Definitely a plus!

“Mmm! The mix of olive oil and engine oil with just a dash of soy sauce is practically decadent! Are you sure you don’t to try a bite, Radicles?”

“Nah man, I’m good,” Rad replied, “I mean, not that my totally stomach can’t handle it but, gotta save room for dessert, you know?”

The green bot shrugged. “Alright, fair enough. ...Besides-” He gave a small smirk, “I suppose if you ever just wanted to experience the taste of it without actually eating it, I’m sure I could easily help you out with that~”

Rad stared, taking a moment to realize what Raymond was getting at - and once he did he practically set off one of his blush blasts. Still, Rad smirked back at him. “Heh, if you’re suggesting a quick make-out sess before I have to get back, I’m preeeetty sure that that can be a-

“RAD!” Radicles flinched at the sudden squeal while Raymond just blinked in surprise. Who in the world-?

And just like that, the couple’s casual lunch-date went from private to VERY public, with several people now surrounding their table. They didn’t look familiar, Raymond was certain he hadn’t seen them around the plaza. However, all of them knew (or at least acted like they knew) Rad, who was clearly forcing a smile back at them despite how much he was trying to shrink down in his seat. Some of them were even dressed like Rad, complete with blue shirts, pink pants and homemade antennas! 

“Wow, it’s been forever since your video!” one guy said, “It’s practically a classic now!”

“Yeah, when’s you’re next one?” a fangirl asked, “I bet it’ll be just as hilarious as the last one!”

Still trying to force a smile, Rad rubbed the back of his neck, glancing away from his ‘fans’. “Heh, well, comedy genius takes time, ya know? You can’t rush it if-”

“Umm, don’t you mean blorp-edy genius~?” Another fan retorted, causing the rest of them to fall into a fit of laughter.

Raymond raised an eyebrow. “Blorp-edy...? Rad, what-?” As he turned his attention back towards his boyfriend, his question almost immediately died in his throat once he saw the expression on Rad’s face. 

There wasn’t even a fake smile there anymore. There was however annoyance, anger, frustration... Maybe even a bit of hurt. And that bit was too much, at least for Raymond.

Gritting his metal teeth, the bot turned back to the fans, who had thankfully started to quiet down (though their smug smiles and clueless grins were still enough to anger the bot). “Excuse me, but I don’t believe any of you were invited to our lunch - a lunch, by the way, not some blooper reel screening! So-” His arm began to shift into a laser cannon, “If you don’t mind, I think it’s time to-

“UHH TIME TO get going back to work!” Rad quickly interrupted, sitting up now. He also gave Raymond a small kick in the shin, and while it didn’t hurt, his boyfriend quickly got the message and (reluctantly) deactivated his weapon. “Heh, yeah, I should get going back to the bodega soon so, we should probably finish eating.”

Of course, the fans gave him a disappointed look, but thankfully they didn’t try to argue. “Alright, have a good lunch, Rad!” “Yeah Rad, we’ll BLORP you later!” “Heh, and don’t forget to get your leftover food to blorp!” “Bleeble blorple!” The fans laughed again, being loud enough that the couple could still hear the chuckles even as they walked out and past the diner. 

 “Ugh...” Rad facepalmed, slouching back into his seat. “Just when I thought it was finally done...” Then again, was anything ever truly forgotten on the internet?

“...Radicles?” The alien glanced up, catching the bot’s concerned look. “Hmph... You should have let me take that penalty shot,” he grumbled, “I think they more than earned one for upsetting you.”

“Hey hey, it’s fine!” Rad insisted, forcing another smile (and causing Raymond’s frown to deepen), “Tc’ch, it’s just some dumb meme that I accidentally created! People repeat memes, it’s just somethin’ you gotta deal with! Besides, it takes more than some dumb ‘fans’ to keep me down for too long! Really, babe, it’s fine!”

“Well, if you’re sure...” Raymond still didn’t quite believe it though, especially since his date spent the rest of their lunch hour together being pretty quiet and only picking at the rest of his food. Still, Rad tried to at least look like he was enjoying himself though, even giving the bot a quick kiss on the cheek after they walked back to Gar’s together. But even so, it was easy for Raymond to tell that what those ‘fans’ of his had said was still bothering his boyfriend. 

Determined and still annoyed at the situation, Raymond activated the jets in his feet and flew back over to Boxmore. “Perhaps I should look more into this ‘blorp’...” And, as soon as he touched down on the factory’s roof and his mind connected to the wifi Boxman had set up, that’s exactly what he did.

“Okay,” he said, closing his eyes and sitting down as he mentally opened up a browser window, “What are the search results for ‘blorp’...” He was pretty sure that was how it was spelled. It certainly came up with enough results, with one of the top ones being connected to a Planet X dictionary. But without a doubt, the most popular result was a six-second video that had well over several million views. And, in the screenshot for it, was none other than Radicles. Raymond quickly selected the video. 

“Rad rocket’s on the roof ready to roll!” *crash* “BLORP!” 

“Pfft.” Raymond couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Alright, maybe that was funny. A bit embarrassing perhaps but... Where was all the grief coming from? “There has to be more,” he mumbled as the clip continued repeating. Pushing away the video, he continued to search through the results.

Beyond the initial video and results that it only referred to the word itself, there were mostly forums. ...Many, many MANY forums. And, in Raymond’s opinion, almost none of them even had a scrap of information! All of them were just people simply reposting the video or screenshots from it, writing comments, and posting images with Rad’s face photo-shopped onto them, usually referencing the fact that he was an alien. The images weren’t too bad, but the comments...

“Grop he is just SOOOO funny!!! If all aliens were this funny, maybe we’d see more of them around!” 

“Such a goof! Blorp me up, lol!”

“Why hasn’t this guy made more blorpin’ videos already?!”

“Omfg haha, so stupid! aliens gonna blorp!”

“So great! Heh, wonder how many times he blorps up when the camera’s NOT rolling?”

“BLORP BLORP! Hehe, so weird, but still so funny! Blorpy blorp bloop!”

“...Okay, now I’m starting to get it.” Raymond sighed, shifting his mind off ‘internet mode’ before opening his eyes. “No wonder he was so annoyed... Ugh, those fairweather ‘fans’ aren’t even fans of him! They’re just fans of blorp and whatever other ‘wacky alien’ thing they like about him!” Honestly! It was like those old cartoons that he and his siblings had found from centuries ago where the robots were complete jokes or only spoke in beeps and boops! So insulting!

“If they truly knew what Radicles was like, they wouldn’t even care about blorp because-!” He paused. “...Because there would be too many other things to like about him.” Slowly, the bot smiled.

Maybe that was the real answer he had been searching for.

()()()()()()()()()

“Oh, hey Rad. Do you think you can move some of those power-ups boxes we got today out here so we don’t have to worry about getting them tomorrow?”

Rad gave a small groan, but sat up from his spot anyway. “Fine, whatever.” He headed towards the loading dock, not even noticing that his youngest co-worker was watching him. 

“...Psst, Enid!” KO whispered, “I think something’s wrong with Rad!”

“Yeah, maybe,” Enid said as she sat up, taking her feet off the counter and instead choosing to lean on her arms, “He’s been lazier than usual, and he’s not even enjoying it.”

“Yeah! And he hasn’t made any jokes, or tried to show how tough he is, or anything like that!” KO added, getting more concerned, “He just seems so down!”

“Well, maybe he’s just having a bad day?” Enid shrugged, “Nothing a little sleep can’t fix, probably. Or maybe he just had a bad date with Raymond?” KO hummed, thinking about it. Either of those could have been the reason... But before he could agree or offer up any theories of his own, a familiar voice caught their attention.

“While you’re certainly close to figuring out, you’re still throwing air balls.” The two employees turned around, spotting Raymond casually posing against a rack of fruit-themed attack projectiles. 

“How did you get in here without us noticing?” KO asked while Enid just rolled her eyes at the bot. 

Of course, Raymond ignored them both and walked further into the store, towards the back. “Besides, knowing why he’s upset won’t change much,” he added in a lower voice, “After all, no one can destroy something once it becomes memetic.” But there was something he could do to maybe counteract it...

No sooner had he reached the back of the Bodega, Rad returned with several floating boxes surrounded in pink aura. “Hm?” he blinked, “Uhh, what are you doing here, Ray?”

“Just thought I’d stop by for a bit to talk with my favorite Bodega worker~” Raymond replied simply, “Maybe brighten up the last few minutes of your shift with my presence.”

“Tc’ch.” Despite everything, Rad couldn’t help but give a small smile. “Alright, works for me.” With that, he began stacking the crates against the wall.

Raymond hummed as he watched him. “Though, I must say, my dear Radicles, you’re quite the all-star yourself.”

“Real- er, heh, yeah I am,” Rad nodded.

“You’ve got plenty of power and strength. Why, I’m sure you’ll even level up soon! Your fingerblasts are very useful, and you’re able to apply them to your own style of fighting, making them all the more unique - just like you! Plus you’re light on your feet, very useful!”

“Uh huh,” Rad nodded again as he continued stacking boxes, though his boyfriend’s compliment marathon was far from over. 

“But it’s not just power and fighting that keeps you at the top of the starting line-up, oh no. I’d also say you’ve very stylish, much more stylish than other bots- er, people - that I see each day! You’re also very charming-”

Raymond paused, hearing a small snicker. He shot Enid a quick glare before continuing. “As I was SAYING, you’re very charming - from your interesting conversation topics to your wits, your dancing, your flirting. Why, I’d say you’re one of the most unique and most exceptional organic beings that I’ve ever-”

“Okay.” Rad dropped the last box he was holding and turned to face his boyfriend, giving him a look.

Raymond blinked. “What? Did I say something wrong?”

“Well, no but-” Rad crossed his arms, not looking angry or even annoyed by any means, but still looking a bit confused. “Look, I get that couples are supposed to compliment each other and stuff, and yeah all the things you’re saying are totally true but, don’t you think you’re laying it on just a little too thick? Seriously, Ray, what’s up?”

“...Well...” Raymond sighed, deflating slightly. This wasn’t going quite as well as he assumed it would. “I just thought that, well, after what happened at lunch, you could use some comments that weren’t just jokes at your expense... Comments that were genuine, and that were from someone who actually knew you and admired you - and not just the things you’ve said - and who-” He cleared his throat, his face heating up slightly. “Who... cares about you. I just didn’t want you feeling like everyone just saw you as a joke or a meme or whatever.”

“...” Rad turned his head away, staying silent as Raymond watched him blink a few times, and even giving a small sniffle. However, once Rad looked back over at him, the only thing on his face was a big - and genuine - smile. 

“Heh... Like I said,” Rad told his boyfriend as he stepped forward, “I already knew all the things you said about me, but-” He leaned forward, allowing their noses to touch (surprisingly, Raymond’s nose wasn’t nearly as deadly as it looked). “But it, you know... It still means a lot to hear it from someone who does care. Thanks, Raymond.” 

With that, Rad moved his head over slightly. Knowing now what he was planning on doing, Raymond happily lifted his own head up slightly, allowing their lips to meet.

Once their kiss broke though, Rad did add one last thing. “And just so you know, babe... I think you’re pretty great too. Great AND unique, no matter how many other Raymonds there are.”

Raymond smirked. “Of course. Coach Boxdad made me to be the greatest after all. But, it sounds even greater coming from you~” And with that, the couple shared another kiss.

“Aww!” KO smiled, clapsing his hands together, “That’s so sweet!”

“Heh, yeah yeah,” Enid smirked, “Hey Rad, just remember you’re still on the clock for another half hour! So let’s wrap it up, okay?” Though, even if her co-worker didn’t get much else done that night, she didn’t think she would mind - at least, not tonight.

Sure, Rad and Raymond could sometimes be annoying or frustrating on their own. But together, they really were a sweet sight.

THE END 

((First OK KO fic so, hope everyone was in-character and that you all enjoyed reading! ^v^))

#ok ko let's be heroes #radicles #raymond ok ko #radmond #oneshot #my writing #fanfiction

[ive-always-been-a-pirate]

The Other Prince + A CS Modern Royalty AU [Chapter 9]

Modern Royalty AU: HRH Prince Killian has grown up in the shadow of the crown while enduring tragedy and the burdens of being the spare to the heir. With a desire to escape his past, he agrees to play host to the visiting general’s daughter in exchange for an eventual life outside royal bounds. Moving on is never that easy though and he quickly learns that being the ‘other’ prince is even more difficult when you find yourself falling for the girl everyone wants your brother to marry.

Catch Up On Previous Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight Also on FF.net and AO3.

Word Count: 7.2K

I apologize that this took so long to post - life totally got the best of me these past few weeks.  Big thanks to @optomisticgirl for her beta help and encouragement.  So excited for the fun that’s coming up in the next chapter :] enjoy! XOXO

Emma awoke at an almost embarrassing hour the next day, the clock on her phone lighting up with an obnoxious glow that announced the time to be almost half past eleven. She'd never really been much of an early riser - well, at least not once she was allowed to break the prompt routines of living in the house of a regimented military linked father - but sleeping late as a guest in one of the most prominent buildings in the country and maybe even the world made her feel a bit guilty. Her parents had departed for the seaside Navy base in Plymouth just after dawn, getting an early jump on the flight that would take a little over an hour via royal helicopter. They'd been courteous enough to not wake her before leaving - a gesture she was most grateful for given the fitful sleep she'd battled without victory until about three that morning - and though she wouldn't see them for a couple of days, Emma was somewhat glad to have a break from her mother's particularly watchful eye.

If anything, their absence meant she wouldn't be questioned about her whereabouts the previous night. That was, of course, supposing that they'd noticed she'd been out late - and god, she could only pray that they hadn't.

The events of the recent evening were a bit hazy she realized as her head lay flat against a very fluffy pillow. She wasn't sure if that was by her own need to block some or well, most of it out - but it was likely a combination of that and something else she certainly wasn't ready to analyze. The memory of a pair of clever yet troubled blue eyes slipped into her mind and she immediately shook the thought with a muffled huff. She didn't want to be thinking about that or him right now - at least not until she could find a strong cup of coffee and recall exactly what had been said.

Maybe we should just start over?

Emma was rather certain those had been her nervous words - almost as certain as she was that the smirk of the man she'd made that offer to was probably the most handsome one she'd ever seen. The hope that had filled his very symmetrical features had been unexpected and when he'd reminded her once again of the name he preferred her to address him with, her pulse had thumped hard several times in a row.

Killian will do.

How in the hell she'd ended up post bar battle with a beat up Prince of Wales was still beyond her. It seemed like the stuff from some curious fiction story or a cheesy romantic comedy, but it couldn't be - mostly because there was nothing romantic about her bantering and bandaging scene with a man who was more than just superior. He was royal…and she was Emma Nolan. There was nothing complicated about that.

Choosing to go to her newfound safe place posing as a pub on some corner wasn't a decision meant to reignite some rivalry she still knew little about. They hadn't talked much about it and it wasn't like she'd been given long to prod him into elaborating. The news that Killian's older brother - a guy Emma hadn't gotten to know very well yet and also the actual heir to the freaking throne - was minutes away from the bar had cut into their short conversation. Killian had almost leapt from the chair she'd nudged him toward, steadying himself with a quick clutch of the wooden countertop and a gruff groan. It was that reaction that had tempted her to help him once more in the form of one simple solution she still couldn't believe she'd provided him with.

"You…should go."

"It's okay, lass. You were kind enough to deal with me after…all this. I can deal with my brother."

"This wasn't your fault though…and won't he be mad?"

"Well, I suppose it's likely-"

"Then go - and I'll…I'll cover for you."

Sitting up against the lavish headboard of the giant bed, Emma ran her hands over her tired eyes and back through her tangled hair. Why had she given him an out? It wasn't like she was…totally responsible for how the night had unfolded, but for some reason, the sight of his apparent panic and the way he'd glanced toward the only exit with obvious unease made her believe she was more than partly to blame.

For some reason, it was that thought that started her conversation with the prince who stormed into The Round Table only minutes after the younger prince had bolted out the back door. The encounter with Liam hadn't been as shock worthy as the one she'd torpedoed into with his brother, but Emma quickly found it was still a bit unsettling to explain some very strange circumstances to the man who'd one day rule the a large part of the free world.

"I should apologize, Emma - for whatever happened here. My little brother can be….difficult."

"Actually, this….wasn't his fault."

His eyes had gone wide at the hint of her explanation and it didn't take long for Emma to realize that Liam was rather used to making excuses for his sibling's actions. He did, however, seem very unaccustomed to the idea that Killian wasn't actually to blame. The observation made her heart sink slightly as she wondered just what sort of events in the two men's lives had led them to the default setting of Killian being the impulsive prince while Liam became the righteous one.

"I suppose I should be happy he was here for once - well, not for the fight, but to help you, I mean."

"Yeah, uh, I guess…"

"I hope that didn't come across the wrong way, lass. You don't exactly strike me as someone who needs saving. I just meant it's nice to have an ally at times."

She'd seen a flicker of subtle pride in his eyes then - the look of a man who clearly knew his reckless yet courageous younger brother was a good man. There definitely had to be a history reminding Liam to keep that look concealed much of the time and though Emma was extremely curious about what events made him so cautious, she knew it wasn't her business.

Making him recognize the fact that Killian had actually done the honorable thing probably wasn't either - but somehow, that didn't stop her.

"I'm sorry you had to come down here. It's late…and-"

"It's okay, lass. I was actually pondering stopping by the bar when I saw the blurry picture someone took of my brother pop up online. I haven't seen Arthur for a few days and I'd told him I'd be in for a drink one night this week. Just my luck I'd pick the same evening all of this went down."

"I don't think he planned it this way - Killian, I mean. It didn't seem like he was looking to make trouble."

"Well, that's refreshing to hear actually. Coming here isn't exactly a rarity for him. He's always been close with Arthur, but I think there's more to it than just that."

Emma knew what Liam really meant. The bar was a safe space for Killian, a place where he wasn't just a spare or even a proper prince. No, The Round Table was one of the only locations where he could be an average patron - where he could be normal. She could understand that need on some level and the way their common ground led her to defending the wayward royal in a conversation with his older brother wasn't totally surprising, even if it sure as hell wasn't the interaction she'd ever imagined having with Liam.

"Thank you, Emma - for handling this whole thing so gracefully. I know it's definitely not what you bargained for and surely not the type of atmosphere you'd meant to find while escaping to the pub on the corner."

"Yeah, not really…but it's okay. I'm glad I could help."

"As am I, even though this stuff with Killian isn't your mess. I'm grateful you were here and I'm sure he is too."

The chat she'd wandered into with the kind Navy captain replayed endlessly in her mind as the morning carried on. Emma fought the distraction the two brothers were creating in her head all through breakfast in one of the smaller dining rooms. She'd even turned to an unlikely reading of two of the university pamphlets Liam had given her when the vast palace menu couldn't keep her mind busy enough. Emma had tried desperately to absorb the histories and summarized highlights each document offered - the bold photographs on the Cambridge one a stark contrast to the deep blue text on the Oxford brochure - but she knew she could no more avoid thinking about the two princes than she could stop rereading the same sentence from one of the chancellor's messages.

Truly, it was the image of Killian that kept her pulse thumping in her ears as she skimmed the glossy folded paper. He'd left so suddenly, his plan for an escape and transportation unclear to her as he vanished into the darkness. She had tried not to worry during her own late night ride back to Buckingham, but the younger prince hadn't exactly been in the best condition when he departed. The memory of his deep blue eyes burned in her mind, the sight of the one beginning to bruise making her press her lips together as she tried to finish the light morning meal the palace staff had provided her with.

Maybe he was thankful for her intervening and she allowed herself to envision how that gratitude might be displayed on his likely smirking face. She hated to admit it, but she kind of liked that smirk - smug as it probably could be - and the idea of hearing a thank you from him made her smile briefly against the brim of her porcelain cup. She wondered what route would be best as the memory of his injuries and shaky voice played in her mind again.

Would it be wise to try to find him - to give him the chance to address her act of odd kindness? Would it be better to avoid him and pretend the night didn't happen? Her options bounced back and forth from one side of her brain multiple times as she soaked in the early afternoon sunlight.

What did he want from her - and why did she feel the strange desire to figure that out?

Her contemplation didn't cease as she attempted to read on the cozy armchair in the corner of her room. With a roll of her eyes, she accepted the failed attempt at distraction and deposited the novel back on the antique nightstand while a curious plan formed in her mind. Pulling a soft sweater from her still packed suitcase, Emma realized that battling her need for reassurance regarding a certain royal was futile. It was obvious now that staying cooped up in a lone wing of the palace all day just might drive her crazy and as she glanced out the large window overlooking the freshly cut lawn, she decided that perhaps she could manage to entertain herself for an afternoon.

After all, the building she was currently confined to had well over seven hundred rooms - there had to be something interesting to discover in one or two of them.

"This feels-" Arthur decided, glancing down at his hot metallic thermos. "-wrong."

Killian grinned both in agreement and amusement as he leaned back against the hard stone barrier. The low wall crafted out of cement and cobblestones didn't serve much of a purpose truly, especially since so much of the large garden surrounding the backside of Kensington Palace was already quite secluded. It was, however, a boundary line that he and Arthur knew very well. It was a marker of their childhood - the stopping point that had outlined the spring and summer playdates Katherine had insisted they have as boys. The path the makeshift fence took was where they'd been allowed to venture to, but only with the warning that going beyond it was possibly dangerous and therefore not an option. The hazard of doing so didn't come from any threat of getting lost or kidnapped or even the unlikely chance that one of them might tumble into the slowly moving stream that curved around the property. No, Killian knew his mother's fears regarding safety were centered around what perils the paparazzi and their incessant need to know might create. She'd never been given a chance to have the average maternal worries about her sons and somehow, she had always managed to endure that burden with the utmost grace.

She'd been right to take whatever caution she could though - and Killian had spent a lot of years regretting the fact that he'd never told her how grateful he was for that. Of course, he had been far too young when she was taken so tragically and his ability to predict such a disastrous outcome wasn't exactly up to par yet.

Something lingering deep within his soul made him believe she would forgive him for that - even if he'd never fully forgive himself.

"Well, I believe it was you that insisted on this uncharacteristically early meeting, mate," Killian reminded him with a raised brow. "But, I've got to agree - the coffee kinda sucks."

"It's not that bad," Arthur scoffed. "Though I think we'd both prefer something stronger given the circumstances, I suppose I understand your brother's decision to discourage that for now."

Pursing his lips in frustration, Killian gave a reluctant nod. Honestly, he was still trying to figure out just how he'd received such a mild form of Liam's stern wrath the night before. It had been late when he finally arrived back at the Kensington grounds, the place he hadn't been much lately and therefore his choice for hiding out. His avoidance plan had been squandered shortly after he located an ice pack for his battered eye when his older brother had walked calmly through the Nottingham Cottage's front door with little more than a tired frown. Killian had been in minor pain, yes, but bracing for the speech he had been sure Liam would give him was a necessary task. Staring off toward the water flowing smoothly down the shallow river bed now, Killian silently recalled the short exchange they'd had and the way relief had flowed through his body when the man he often angered had only interrogated him briefly about the repeat performance at the bar.

"You've looked worse, brother, but is it fair to assume you're okay?"

"Aye - fine…but I doubt that's what you're wanting to hear."

It wasn't yelling or judgement that followed, but instead Liam had offered him an understanding. He'd told him about what basic details he learned once he'd arrived at The Round Table and as Killian observed his brother's willingness to listen, he was almost sure his cousin wasn't the true source of Liam's unexpected calmness.

It was perplexing at first, especially since the mental state the fight had left him in didn't leave much room for clarity. The pieces slowly shifted into place as his brother talked and it didn't take long for Killian to face exactly what emotions he likely deserved - total embarrassment and the strangest sense of confusion.

"I know it wasn't your fault."

"You…do?"

"Yeah, I spoke to the admiral's daughter and for what it's worth, I'm glad you were there tonight - even if I still don't approve of your methods. She was…fortunate to run into you. At least, she seemed to think so when we spoke I'm guessing shortly after you left."

Killian's mind still reeled at the knowledge that the girl captivating his every thought had followed through on the assurance she had given him just after bandaging his injury. He hadn't expected that - her probably impulsive promise or the realization that she'd upheld her end of a deal he didn't deserve. Hell, he hadn't expected to ever encounter kindness like that after acting the way he had and the fact that she'd been so quick to gift him with it was something he was still attempting to decipher.

Emma, he thought with his pulse pounding in his ears. Why had she insisted on helping him after his blatant stupidity? Why had she ever deemed him worthy of such selfless treatment? Killian was quite sure that the majority of the time, he wasn't worth it - so why did she appear to think he was?

He'd been trying not to think about it - or the meeting he was supposed to have with his father in a few hours - and failing miserably. Addressing the man who'd requested the mysterious chance to chat wasn't something Killian felt ready to face, but he knew it wasn't avoidable. He'd certainly been struggling with deflection lately and making another attempt at it wasn't something his dad would likely be cool with.

"Suppose you're right," he replied, shaking off his distraction before glancing in Arthur's direction. "Liam's always been one to heed to logic…doesn't mean I have to like it though."

"Fair enough," his cousin grinned as he closed the lid on the mediocre beverage. "Let's discuss other matters then?"

"Mmmm," Killian hummed. "Such as?"

"Well," the bartending man started, folding his arms in waiting. "We could start with you telling me what was really going on last night."

Uncertainty settled in Killian's posture as his shoulders stiffened. The cause of the fight wasn't hard to put together, but how the hell was he supposed to explain the workings of the back room scene Arthur had stumbled in on the night before? Killian didn't understand much of what had went on himself. He didn't understand how they'd managed to collide so spontaneously once again, and he definitely couldn't comprehend what it all meant or why this mysterious girl was starting to mean something to him. Maybe it was the unknown - the fact that she wasn't one of the foreign princesses he'd likely be coaxed into courting one day and she wasn't one of the royalty worshipping women he could sweet talk into a night or even a weekend of far too much elicit fun.

No, Emma was different. She wasn't obligated to tolerate his presence and something told him she didn't really give a damn about the status he held. There was more to her than he'd seen so far and while a desire to know just who she was continued to pull him in like a magnet, now wasn't the time to mention that to his curious cousin.

"I think we both know I don't really see eye to eye with Gideon Gold," Killian deflected. "I apologize that you and the rest of the bar had to witness that again though."

"We both know that's not what I'm talking about," Arthur said with an intention of redirecting the conversation. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but you know her - the blonde lass."

He should have figured this was coming. Arthur had been flustered when he'd walked into the office Killian had been sent to in his beat up condition, but he'd still picked up on the clear fact that the admiral's daughter wasn't a stranger. His cousin had never been one to misinterpret the obvious and that instance had been no different.

Dammit, Killian thought with a bite to his bottom lip. He wasn't going to be able to talk his vague way out of this one.

"Kind of I suppose," he answered cautiously. "Her family is the one staying at Buckingham so we've…crossed paths."

"Hmmm," Arthur mused. "More than once I'm assuming?"

"What's leading you to that conclusion?"

"Well, she was quite quick to assist you after you took that rather solid right hook."

"Left hook actually-" he disputed, ignoring the explanation. "-and it wasn't that square."

"That's not my point, mate," Arthur countered. "What I'm wondering is why - why was she so fast to act as your savior?"

Killian let out a jagged exhale as he tried to summon an answer he didn't have. He didn't know why Emma had done what she'd done and while a part of him hoped that maybe it was because she cared for him….well, it was highly likely she didn't.

After all, they didn't actually know each other - and she sure as hell didn't owe him anything.

"I believe it was at Ruby's behest," Killian said, glad that his answer wasn't a total lie. "She was quite adamant about helping you out front and thought it best to avoid drawing attention I guess. Plus, you and I both know Rubes has never been one to willingly patch me up, at least not without a hell of a lecture."

"While I did appreciate her shuffling you out of the way, I'm not an idiot, Killian," Arthur told him, tapping the lid of his lukewarm coffee holder. "There's more to it than that, but…I've just…gotta remind you-"

"Ah, how I enjoy your ominous warnings," Killian interrupted with a sigh. "Remind me of what, mate?"

"She's not just some tourist," the man replied with a careful tone. "Her father, he's…"

"Liam's new admiral - I know."

Killian let the avoided reminder of where Emma fit in test his thoughts again, his stomach sinking a bit in repeated reminder. He'd wanted to forget - even just for a moment - that she wasn't a part of such a complex world. It wasn't right to pretend that her status in his life would ever be less than complicated, but it was still an idea he'd let himself believe a few times. Soon enough, she might fade into the background as a simple acquaintance he only had due to her father's promotion. It wouldn't be long until she was little more than a distant accessory to his resumed royal life.

So why was he suddenly not okay with that? It was what was meant to happen - the only thing that could happen - but why did he feel this need to prevent losing the small presence she offered?

"But you don't seem to care about that, Killian," Arthur deduced. "Which I must say is sort of worries me."

A mutual concern swelled within Killian's chest, the conflict of possibility and prevention raging in his head as his cousin spoke. It worried him too - the fact that he did care. He cared more than he should and in ways he shouldn't. The whole thing almost scared him on some level, but he couldn't tell Arthur that.

He couldn't tell anyone that.

"I care plenty," he admitted. "So don't worry about that."

"Hmmm, guess I'll do my best not to - but be careful. Her father's acceptance of this position in the Navy means a lot to Liam so just…don't screw this up, okay?"

It wasn't an unfair request, especially since Arthur had witnessed a fair amount of his blunders lately. Killian had always held a monopoly on regal mistakes and this was one occasion he truly couldn't afford to mess up. This whole thing was a great deal to his brother and likely the rest of the royal house, but most of all, he knew it probably meant a lot to Emma - and he wouldn't ruin this for her or her family. From what he'd gathered, they'd been through enough already without him adding to the shakeup their lives were surely withstanding.

"Aye," Killian acquiesced. "So I suppose that means I won't be around the pub much for a while."

"Well," Arthur said, not meeting his stare as a steady smile spread over his face. "In that case, I suppose she might not either."

Killian huffed at the comment, downing what was left of his subpar beverage. It was a taunt perhaps - the conclusion that this perplexing girl might not return to the bar Liam had asked him to avoid for the time being. Killian knew it wasn't like she'd gone there initially to see him and despite how the evening had evolved, it was quite unlikely that she could be anxious to see him again. Still, he couldn't shake the thought that he wanted to see her, even if he didn't totally know why.

To say thank you, he quietly decided. Yes, gratitude was in order - and that was the only reason he could possibly have for needing to find out where she might be.

Walking down the painting lined hallway, Emma smoothed her hair back and pulled her fingers through the wavy tendrils. It was strange to think that her family had spent nearly a week at one of the most legendary buildings in Europe and she had seen little beyond her borrowed bedroom and the handful of dining spaces they had frequented. Her navigation of the outside grounds was less limited. She'd traversed a few of the garden walkways more than once and returned to the bench near the pond a few times. It had only been a few sunrises ago that she'd found a new quiet corner to have her morning coffee - a seat courtesy of a brick ledge that fenced off a plot of white flowers that had just begun to bloom. There was something calm about being in the midst of new nature and Emma had been allowing herself to enjoy the floral view there the past few mornings.

Today was different though. She was alone in the palace - well, aside from the dozens of staff milling about. Her parents had made it to the coast hours ago and were likely in the honorable company of Liam as well as the rest of the high ranking officers. The trip was one that even the Queen had opted to make, a fact that made Emma conclude she was likely the only person who remained behind. Her father's promotion had made quite the splash and it made sense that the royals who had connections to the Navy would want to offer their support at the coastal base.

She was happy he'd found his niche again, but part of her resented the fact that the work had taken him to the waterside while she sat cooped up behind the grand walls of Buckingham. It wasn't fair to feel that way and she scolded herself for it once again as she walked.

Emma bit her lip as she peered toward an elaborate oil painting of a past king cloaked in red and blue. She paused her feet as she took note of how unique the piece seemed to be in this particular corridor. Most of what she'd observed since starting down the hallway were works with a maritime theme - broad brush strokes that pulled together paintings of Navy ships and respected sailors who'd honored the country and the royal family. This man didn't seem to fit the bill she'd grown accustomed to though. She wondered quietly who it was that was captured with such valor in the portrait as her mind flickered to the realization that there was one royal who was as out of place as the ruler trapped in the artwork.

Emma let her gaze linger on the picture for perhaps a little too long as she realized how ironic it was that she'd managed to find this painting in a similar manner to how she'd encountered the dark haired prince - aimlessly but somehow fortunately. Well, maybe anyway. She still had yet to settle on what those multiple meetings meant.

That familiar moniker crossed her mind as she reminded herself to later research the red haired man on the canvas with the prideful crown and royal uniform. Killian, she thought as she started walking again. She had no clue where he was now, but for some reason, she was almost sure his destination was not the one she was currently exploring.

Her exploration led her to a few previously discovered locations in the palace - the most secluded path through the rows of flowers she'd wandered most nights and to the quiet courtyard where she had first unknowingly met the acquaintance of the infamous spare to the heir. She hadn't been aware of his identity during that conversation, but it hadn't kept her from feeling an odd connection with him.

She was still trying to sort out if perhaps he felt it too - and honestly, for some reason, she kind of hoped he did.

The threat of an afternoon storm eventually coaxed her back inside, her unshakeable need to learn more about the palace taking her to an almost concealed door at the opposite end of the building. The appearance of the long hallway she ended up in mirrored that of the one containing her temporary room, but it held a hint of formality that tempted her toward the various rooms at the end of the corridor. It didn't take long to realize that she'd made her to a wing of Buckingham that was more businesslike than the rest, especially once she entered a well-lit space that appeared to act as a office. Deciding who it likely belonged to was a task that might take more effort and as Emma closed the door just a bit, she took a deep breath at the prospect of some casual snooping.

The room was truly beautiful, everything from the red draped windows to the packed bookshelves agreeing with that opinion. A large mahogany desk sat adjacent to the glass panes and its immaculate state was marred only by a pair of elegant pens, an engraved wood box, and a couple of parchment envelopes. To the side of the writing surface, there was a freestanding globe suspended by brushed gold framework. An armchair and a dark leather couch made up the rest of her comfortable surroundings as she wondered just who owned the solitude suggested by the space.

Peeking toward a distant shelf, her eyes narrowed as they fell upon a picture frame. Emma couldn't help the way her fingers skimmed the front of it as she noticed who was preserved in the photograph.

Princess Katherine, she thought with a small smile battling the ache her heart suddenly felt.

The picture didn't seem like it could be a popular image. It wasn't a portrait or a formal photograph of any sort, but rather a simple snapshot that didn't explain much other than she'd clearly been happy at the time it was taken. The carefree grin on her face was contagious and Emma's mind processed the dozens of details with a pure desire to understand. She truly was stunning and the captured view of her proved that on so many levels - the way her dark hair hung in wavy curls and how at ease she looked in a simple floral sundress with tiny white flowers creating an elegant appearance. An elated laugh seemed to linger on the woman's lips as life filled her eyes, their deep cobalt hue instantly reminding Emma of another familiar gaze.

Of course he looked like her, she noted as her mind moved to Killian. The train of thought wasn't intentional, but she couldn't help it as she compared the features of the lost woman to those of the man she'd been unable to shake. It was almost like admiration and her will to fight it was fading fast as she wondered what could be making the princess display such a happy expression.

Her sons were likely the cause of her smiling reaction, a determination Emma settled on as she briefly noticed the two young princes in the photograph. They were young, both of them dressed for summer in tailored shorts and pressed polo shirts. It was easy to see just how much love existed between the three of them as she observed the scene captured by a casual camera and Emma tried to will away the conclusion that pictures like this one were rare - especially since the princess had likely passed only a short time after the snapshot was taken.

They must miss her terribly, Emma thought as a slight frown landed on her lips.

"Can I help you, miss-," a voice suddenly said. "Oh…Emma."

With her hands freezing fast, Emma's head turned sideways to meet the tone sounding from the doorway. The lilt hinging on the curious greeting was a bit sharper than that of the other prince she'd been reminiscing only moments earlier. Her eyes quickly made out the shape of the man who'd located her, but it took a second for her to fully process just who had caught her in full fledged investigation.

"Oh, your, uh….highness…."

He smiled at that, subtle lines framing his smile as her nervousness built quickly. The details soon fell into awkward place as she deduced what room they were in. This was his office - the immaculate and professional headquarters of Prince Brennan.

"There's truly no need for formality," he reminded her, scratching at his stubbled cheek the way his youngest son often did. "After all, it appears I'm the one lacking properness. I apologize you've yet to be offered a tour."

Emma blushed with embarrassment, noting he clearly wasn't upset that she'd wandered into what might be a rather off limits place. Given the photograph gracing the shelf, it was probable that he preferred to keep his office private, but he didn't seem mad that she was there. No, he seemed more curious than anything and she silently thanked some higher power that he was perhaps amused by her line crossing.

"I didn't mean to….well, end up here," she attempted with a guilty and very weak smile. "I didn't know-"

"It's okay," he assured her. "I guess this part of the palace warrants a little attention, especially since it's the one area many guests leave unexplored. I only wish you'd been fortunate enough to find something besides the dusty desk of this abandoned study. The office where my mother pens her letters is far more interesting."

Emma breathed a steady laugh at that, catching the little nickname he'd chosen to tag onto the end of his words. They all called her that - the royals and the help alike. She wondered if it was a cultural thing or just a little quirk the two princes had picked up from their father.

"I'm sorry you've been on your own a bit here," he said sympathetically. "This new assignment of your father's can be…well, let's just say I know that the demands required for a high ranking Navy man aren't exactly simple."

There was something kind about his comment and Emma wondered why he'd chosen to offer it. The oldest heir had definitely once known a militant lifestyle like her father's and it was apparent in his uneasy state that he'd had a hard time letting it go. It made her sad almost as she watched him pause with a half smile.

"You know, I'd wager there are very few people who understand and own the ability to put up with that as well as she did."

Emma was so preoccupied with noticing how he'd passed on parts of his appearance to his sons - the obviousness so easy to see despite his silvered hair and tired eyes - that she almost missed his nod toward the photograph she'd picked up. With her grip holding steady on the intricate frame, she tried to convince herself to put it down.

"She was truly the picture of patience," he told her with a reminiscing smile. "With everyone I suppose - not just me."

"With…them too?"

The question was perhaps too forward, but the prince gave no indication of that as he arrived at her side. His focus was firmly on the memory of his departed wife and Emma wondered just how deep the pain of that loss ran.

"Definitely with them," he nodded. "Especially-"

Killian, she thought instantly as his voice trailed off. Her heart ached at the idea - the thought that Katherine was the one who understood the prince she currently felt so perplexed by. They likely had an amazing mother and son bond once, but Katherine had died almost fifteen years earlier.

Maybe he'd somehow been alone after that. He'd had everything a person could dream of, but no one to understand why he wanted very little of any of it. At least, that's the impression she had gotten thus far - and it pained her in the strangest way.

"She always seemed to get him in ways I've never managed to," he sighed. "A fault of my own, I must admit."

Emma knew that regret all too well - the one that came from a strained relationship with a struggling parent. She'd been down that rocky road with her mother first and even her father once or twice, but something told her that her past in that area was not quite as troubled as that of the youngest prince.

"He's a good lad - well, man now," Brennan chuckled. "He gets much of that from her."

"But some from you too, I think," Emma commented. "If it's not too bold to say."

"Maybe," the man smiled. "But Killian's always been more of a Spencer than anything else."

She watched in silence as he studied the picture, knowing by the glint of sadness in his stare that he likely looked at it often. It was in that moment that Emma realized how much she truly wanted to know as questions flooded her thoughts. She wanted to ask about the dark haired woman who had radiated beauty and compassion constantly until her life was stolen. She wanted to know how she'd met the heir with the loving eyes who clearly still adored her. Dozens of inquiries sat on the end of her tongue - ones about who Katherine had been as before the royal spotlight and ones about what she'd been like as a mother to a pair of young boys. Emma's sudden curiosity was prodding, but she kept her wondering at bay with only one conclusion in mind.

It wouldn't be fair to interrogate him. It would be wrong to drag up memories that still seemed to haunt him.

"Anyway, I'm glad I managed to run into you," Brennan said, watching her return the frame to the shelf. "One of the servers mentioned you left these."

She was nothing short of startled when he held up the handful of prospective education brochures. Emma tried to keep embarrassment from warming her face as she took the documents carefully, glancing again at the cover of the top one - the information about Trinity College almost taunting her.

"Forgive the biased organization if you will, but I've still got a little loyalty for my alma mater. Does this mean you won't be returning to Columbia?"

"Well, I'm…not sure," she managed to answer. "I guess I haven't thought much about it since…"

Her voice was lost to an awkward silence as she chose not to complete her reply. Brennan offered her a knowing smile as he glanced down at the glossy documents again. Emma wasn't really sure how much the man knew about her, but he had obviously deduced that she'd moved back to England in the wake of her father's accident and that the aftermath of that day was what kept her from returning to New York. It had become her obligation to stay - for lack of a better description - and that was something a prince in line for the throne could likely empathize.

"I know your father is quite grateful for your help these past few months, Emma," Brennan mentioned. "But I like to think I know David well enough to assure you that he'd never want you to give up on your dream so he can reclaim his."

He wasn't wrong. Emma had spoken to her father about that in several tones many times since he'd started healing. She was slowly becoming aware that this wasn't the expectation - it was her method of deflection.

"I know," she acknowledged, toying with the corner of the Cambridge pamphlet in the middle of the small stack. "I guess I just assumed that by the time I had the chance…well, that it might-"

"Be too late?"

With a slight nod, she held his gaze and waited for his countering words. Maybe he'd reaffirm that it wasn't impossible to go back - even if she didn't believe it.

"I like to think it's never too late to become exactly who you want to be," he told her. "Or at least so said Fitzgerald once - and if you're up to it, I'd be happy to make arrangements that could help you start to sort things out while you're in town."

Emma lift her eyebrow as she tried to discern what he could have meant by that. She hadn't planned on doing anything for herself or whatever vague future she had during her London stay, but it certainly seemed like quite a few people had an interest in helping her with that.

"Your highness, your appointment is on his way," a suddenly appearing palace employee announced from the doorway. "Shall I direct him down here?"

"That won't be necessary, Sebastian - one of the first floor staterooms should suffice," Brennan answered. "Let him know I'll be there shortly."

The man nodded and vanished back out into the corridor he'd traveled to find them, leaving Emma with little time to find clarification on what the eldest heir was hoping she would like to do while remaining a palace guest. Peering down at the college brochures again, she noticed his eyes already doing the same thing.

Dammit - of course that's what this was about.

"Assuming you may not be busy," the man started, his voice careful and questioning. "Perhaps I could interest you in joining us for a royal engagement tomorrow? There's a dedication scheduled for noon in honor of my mother and while it's not exactly what I believe the Americans call 'Ivy League', I am quite positive that Trinity's Wren Library would be honored to have you as company."

"Oh…ummm, I…well, I guess-" Emma stammered. "-I wouldn't mind getting out for a bit. Is this you casually asking me to come hang out with you and the queen for an afternoon?"

"Ah, well, my mother is actually still away on that same Navy business that left you stranded here," he explained, tapping his fingers on the side of the shelf. "Smaller company tomorrow - just me and Cora…perhaps the boys too, if Liam happens to be back in decent time."

"Oh," Emma replied, trying to keep her wavering voice steady. "Both…of them?"

"Aye," Brennan nodded as he headed toward the door. "That's okay, I assume?"

Emma swallowed hard, attempting to keep her composure at the idea of being in close quarters with the two men she'd recently run into. She had been hoping to avoid them for the remainder of the trip. She'd been trying to tell herself that was for the best, but now, the large butterflies fluttering like mad in her stomach were telling her that maybe it wasn't. She couldn't be sure what the most fortunate outcome here would be, but she knew that being in a position to see them again - especially at the same time - was very far from okay.

"Yeah," she lied, feeling her feet fuse to the floor. "Sounds great."

Tagging some lovely folks: @xpumpkindumplingx, @jennifer-morrison, @spartanguard, @laschatzi, @kat2609, @eala-captian, @allietumbles, @andiirivera, @kmomof4, @galadriel26, @timeless-love-story, @msres, @harryandthecambridges, @thesschesthair, @its-like-a-story-of-love, @lovelycssefan, @hooksheroicheart, @cat-sophia, @gonzothegreat90, @rebelcxptain, @prairiepirate, @yesplskillianjones, @jennjenn615, @heomomka, @fckyesroyals, @lenfazreads, @cherrywolf713, @lucasxdorothy, @lifeinahole27, @hollyethecurious, @fairytalesandtimetravel, @pirateherokillian, @shipsxahoy, @onceuponarelm, @winterbaby89, @captain-k-jones, @weall-l00k-the-same-inthe-dark, @shady-swan-jones, @captainswanparrilla, @ilovemesomekillianjones, @princesseslikepirates, @sherifffjones, @deathbycaptainswan, @teamhook, @onceuponaprincessworld

#cs ff #cs au ff #cs modern au #prince!killian #cs royals #killian jones #emma swan #brennan jones #liam jones #captain swan #cs fic update #the other prince

[find-your-rp-partner]

M// Original Rp. I have kitties.

Just kidding. I have no kitties. Anyone read the Psycop series? Anyone? No? Just me then. So i’m gonna pimp a character and a plot for an RP that i’ve had rolling around in my head for a while now, that’s sort of based on the Psycop series. I’m going to be super picky about who I match him up with because I have a specific dynamic I want to work with and specifics are always a bitch. Don’t get butthurt if I say your character won’t do well with mine, he’s a rare flower. Stinky, like the Amorphophallus titanum blossom. Okay so here we go. Cole is a surrogate. That’s what i’m calling him for now because I don’t have a better name, but let me explain what that is. He’s pretty much a super sensitive medium/empath/host for the dead. When people die, sometimes energy is left behind. It can be an actual spirit, or some kind of emotion or feeling left behind. It depends on how strong the energy is. Surrogates are not only incredibly sensitive to this energy, but become hosts for it. For example, if a surrogate picks up the presence of a spirit, that spirit can, in essence, possess them. They take on the deceased’s emotions, thoughts, habits, tastes, anything left over. Sometimes all that is left over is a feeling, so they will take on just the feeling. Sometimes it's physical, for instance the deceased had chronic pain somewhere. The surrogate will feel that pain. It can even become dangerous because say a surrogate stumbles upon someone with a very bad health problem and that energy is still there, they will also take on that health problem. Those born with this gift are often either driven insane or end up dying, either because of the spirit or because they off themselves. Yay now to the rare stinky flower part. Cole has a trait that no other with this ability have been discovered to have. He can maintain himself while still being a host. What’s that mean? He’s aware whenever he takes on a spirit or emotion or trait. So in simple terms, he passes by a spirit that was terrified of water, or let's say died by drowning, in life. He will in turn be afraid of water, but know that is not his own fear and can to some degree control that fear. Say he passes through some real violent energy, he’ll def take on the violent nature but know it isn’t really him. So he might appear agitated and confrontational, but the part that’s still there that is him, will know what's happening. This makes Cole very hard to control, and very unpredictable. There is always the chance that the spirit or emotion/trait will overpower him and he’ll hurt either himself or someone else without meaning to. Because of this, Cole has been kept in a facility so he can be under 24 hour watch to keep him from hurting himself, or others. He’s lived most of his life going from facility to facility, whether it be phsych wards or hospitals or homes. Usually they are ones that are equipped to handle super violent or difficult patients. His one saving grace from these places- law enforcement. Usually a branch of the FBI or whatnot. They use him in cases, bringing him along to murder scenes or crime scenes to see what kind of energy he can pick up on or information he can find out. And if there is a molecule of anything, he’ll pick it up. In the past few years, he has been teamed up with one person who was his partner and would go out with them on cases. Since he had to be watched 24/7, he also lived with his partner and his partner, essentially, took care of him. Because of the tremendous stress of it, his partner basically quit. Moved to a different precinct or retired or something. Just did something that got them away from Cole, but in a real shitty way. Like, did it all nice but in his face, sort of a yay everyone be happy for me I’ve got a new opportunity but sorry I’m dumping you off good luck Kbai. So that’s where you come in! I’m looking to set him up with a new partner on the force. But before I get into what I want for him as far as a partner goes, let me tell you a little more about Cole. Coleis sort of a dark motherfucker with a real dry sense of humor and a sarcastic attitude. He isn’t a depressed little helpless thing like one might think. Despite his ability and his past, he’s pretty sharp, and tries to live his life as normally as possible. He likes stuff a normal 26 year old likes. Vidya games, old 80’s movies, good music, beer. Only he usually isn’t allowed to drink. He sneaks that shit whenever he isn’t being watched. This is going to sound cliche, but he loves adventure. He loves to tag along to something exciting, or sneak away to do shit on his own for thrills, loves doing most anything weird or exciting or dangerous. He lives his life without worry about what’s going to happen when he goes different places. That said, he isn’t allowed to do a lot of shit because of his ability, but loves doing shit he’s not supposed to do anyway. He’ll smoke cigarettes out of the drain when no one’s looking purely because he was told not to, but would do it on the slide so he won’t get in trouble for it. He’s a real amusing character, doesn’t always get social cues, and often times has no filter. I haven’t decided if he gets paid or not for his work, but I’m thinking he doesn’t, or gets paid some kind of allowance because he’s essentially kept by the government. Physically, Cole’s about 5’8” give or take. Thinner build, a little wiry, not too skinny. He has a little bit of tone to him. He has dark hair and grayish eyes, a real cute face. I haven’t found a faceclaim for him or drawn him yet, but he’s pretty attractive. Duh. Why would I make an ugly character. (*side eyes most of my unattractive f’ed up OC’s*) He’s a little on the gothy side, basically in that he’s most comfortable wearing darker colors and hoodies and t-shirts with obnoxious slogans on them. No tattoos, but he has various scars all over him, the only real significant one being a nasty burn scar on his left forearm that he has to keep covered in the sun. He has a gay little silver nose ring on one nostril. And a gay little medusa piercing. Probably the only shit that might tip you off that he likes dudes. Or like… shitty EDM music. He also has pretty crooked teeth. But you know… Sexy crooked teeth. Okay, now what I’m looking for in a partner for him. When I say partner, I mean both as in work partner (so he’d have to be a cop or something similar…) and in a romantic way. I’m looking for a real strong character to pair him with. Essentially, Cole’s going to come live with him, so this should sort of be one of those character’s that’s really into his job or has a thing for surrogates. If you’ve read Psycop great, because I sort of picture him with someone like Jacob, but totally fine if you haven’t.Cole needs someone who isn’t going to freak out on him when shit hits the fan, because that’s an inevitability. I’m not saying that every moment with Cole is going to be overly dramatic or that he’ll be super needy all the time, but when those times do come, he needs someone who can be there for him. Strong enough to be both a friend to him, but at the same time able to be the strong one when Aaron cannot. He isn’t a nut job, but Cole can be a lot to handle sometimes because of the ability, but for the most part, he’s pretty cooperative, and the fact that he likes his job a lot better than being in a facility makes him so. I’d really like to put him with someone a little older (not more than 10 or so years) someone a little wiser, but someone who’s also gonna try and beat the shit out of him in Mortal Combat on the weekends. Physically bigger is also a plus, because that’s what tickles his proverbial pickle and also would come in handy if he comes across a violent spirit he can’t handle. Or you know… If he gets drunk and you have to cart him home… He tends to like the rugged type. Someone who can match him mentally. Sense of humor is also a plus. Okay, now a little about me. I do third person lit, please no chat speak in the RP. I usually try to make my posts a few paragraphs, I do not like one liners. I’m a quality over quantity writer, so I ask that you be, as well. I’ll take a good meaty paragraph over a page of bullshit. I like plots or a general goal that both characters have to work toward, and I ask that you be at least 25 or or older because I do not fade to black, and I’m in my late twenties, and would like to write with someone at my level of mentality. In that regard, I take plot over porn. I do like my fair share of nasty graphic descriptions, but not every other page. As far as relationships go, I like slow build. Unless your character is really damn forward and goes after what he wants, chances are it’s going to take some time before my character decides he likes yours. A relationship has to develop, no matter what. I’m a pretty friendly person and I do like to chat with my partners. I also add a fair amount of comedy to my RP’s as well, so if that’s an issue, please let me know. So yeah there we go. If you’ve got someone like that, hit me up. Or if you want to pitch me an idea, I’m cool with that, too. We can brainstorm and what what. I am open to different settings and genres. I love world building, sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and a lot of other settings so if you’ve got an idea, don’t be afraid to pitch it to me, even if it doesn't match up with my guidelines. Worst I can say is no. (Or bite. I do bite. Sometimes. I’m a lovely person.) Email: [email protected] Skype: I have it, but ask plz. Other methods of Summoning: Black jelly beans, coffee, and a pentagram.

#rp partner search #rp partner ad #rp ad #rp search #original #18+ #submission

[fyrapartnersearch]

M// Original RP. I have kitties.

Just kidding. I have no kitties. Anyone read the Psycop series? Anyone? No? Just me then. So i’m gonna pimp a character and a plot for an RP that i’ve had rolling around in my head for a while now, that’s sort of based on the Psycop series. I’m going to be super picky about who I match him up with because I have a specific dynamic I want to work with and specifics are always a bitch. Don’t get butthurt if I say your character won’t do well with mine, he’s a rare flower. Stinky, like the Amorphophallus titanum blossom. Okay so here we go. Cole is a surrogate. That’s what i’m calling him for now because I don’t have a better name, but let me explain what that is. He’s pretty much a super sensitive medium/empath/host for the dead. When people die, sometimes energy is left behind. It can be an actual spirit, or some kind of emotion or feeling left behind. It depends on how strong the energy is. Surrogates are not only incredibly sensitive to this energy, but become hosts for it. For example, if a surrogate picks up the presence of a spirit, that spirit can, in essence, possess them. They take on the deceased’s emotions, thoughts, habits, tastes, anything left over. Sometimes all that is left over is a feeling, so they will take on just the feeling. Sometimes it's physical, for instance the deceased had chronic pain somewhere. The surrogate will feel that pain. It can even become dangerous because say a surrogate stumbles upon someone with a very bad health problem and that energy is still there, they will also take on that health problem. Those born with this gift are often either driven insane or end up dying, either because of the spirit or because they off themselves. Yay now to the rare stinky flower part. Cole has a trait that no other with this ability have been discovered to have. He can maintain himself while still being a host. What’s that mean? He’s aware whenever he takes on a spirit or emotion or trait. So in simple terms, he passes by a spirit that was terrified of water, or let's say died by drowning, in life. He will in turn be afraid of water, but know that is not his own fear and can to some degree control that fear. Say he passes through some real violent energy, he’ll def take on the violent nature but know it isn’t really him. So he might appear agitated and confrontational, but the part that’s still there that is him, will know what's happening. This makes Cole very hard to control, and very unpredictable. There is always the chance that the spirit or emotion/trait will overpower him and he’ll hurt either himself or someone else without meaning to. Because of this, Cole has been kept in a facility so he can be under 24 hour watch to keep him from hurting himself, or others. He’s lived most of his life going from facility to facility, whether it be phsych wards or hospitals or homes. Usually they are ones that are equipped to handle super violent or difficult patients. His one saving grace from these places- law enforcement. Usually a branch of the FBI or whatnot. They use him in cases, bringing him along to murder scenes or crime scenes to see what kind of energy he can pick up on or information he can find out. And if there is a molecule of anything, he’ll pick it up. In the past few years, he has been teamed up with one person who was his partner and would go out with them on cases. Since he had to be watched 24/7, he also lived with his partner and his partner, essentially, took care of him. Because of the tremendous stress of it, his partner basically quit. Moved to a different precinct or retired or something. Just did something that got them away from Cole, but in a real shitty way. Like, did it all nice but in his face, sort of a yay everyone be happy for me I’ve got a new opportunity but sorry I’m dumping you off good luck Kbai. So that’s where you come in! I’m looking to set him up with a new partner on the force. But before I get into what I want for him as far as a partner goes, let me tell you a little more about Cole. Coleis sort of a dark motherfucker with a real dry sense of humor and a sarcastic attitude. He isn’t a depressed little helpless thing like one might think. Despite his ability and his past, he’s pretty sharp, and tries to live his life as normally as possible. He likes stuff a normal 26 year old likes. Vidya games, old 80’s movies, good music, beer. Only he usually isn’t allowed to drink. He sneaks that shit whenever he isn’t being watched. This is going to sound cliche, but he loves adventure. He loves to tag along to something exciting, or sneak away to do shit on his own for thrills, loves doing most anything weird or exciting or dangerous. He lives his life without worry about what’s going to happen when he goes different places. That said, he isn’t allowed to do a lot of shit because of his ability, but loves doing shit he’s not supposed to do anyway. He’ll smoke cigarettes out of the drain when no one’s looking purely because he was told not to, but would do it on the slide so he won’t get in trouble for it. He’s a real amusing character, doesn’t always get social cues, and often times has no filter. I haven’t decided if he gets paid or not for his work, but I’m thinking he doesn’t, or gets paid some kind of allowance because he’s essentially kept by the government. Physically, Cole’s about 5’8” give or take. Thinner build, a little wiry, not too skinny. He has a little bit of tone to him. He has dark hair and grayish eyes, a real cute face. I haven’t found a faceclaim for him or drawn him yet, but he’s pretty attractive. Duh. Why would I make an ugly character. (*side eyes most of my unattractive f’ed up OC’s*) He’s a little on the gothy side, basically in that he’s most comfortable wearing darker colors and hoodies and t-shirts with obnoxious slogans on them. No tattoos, but he has various scars all over him, the only real significant one being a nasty burn scar on his left forearm that he has to keep covered in the sun. He has a gay little silver nose ring on one nostril. And a gay little medusa piercing. Probably the only shit that might tip you off that he likes dudes. Or like… shitty EDM music. He also has pretty crooked teeth. But you know… Sexy crooked teeth. Okay, now what I’m looking for in a partner for him. When I say partner, I mean both as in work partner (so he’d have to be a cop or something similar…) and in a romantic way. I’m looking for a real strong character to pair him with. Essentially, Cole’s going to come live with him, so this should sort of be one of those character’s that’s really into his job or has a thing for surrogates. If you’ve read Psycop great, because I sort of picture him with someone like Jacob, but totally fine if you haven’t.Cole needs someone who isn’t going to freak out on him when shit hits the fan, because that’s an inevitability. I’m not saying that every moment with Cole is going to be overly dramatic or that he’ll be super needy all the time, but when those times do come, he needs someone who can be there for him. Strong enough to be both a friend to him, but at the same time able to be the strong one when Aaron cannot. He isn’t a nut job, but Cole can be a lot to handle sometimes because of the ability, but for the most part, he’s pretty cooperative, and the fact that he likes his job a lot better than being in a facility makes him so. I’d really like to put him with someone a little older (not more than 10 or so years) someone a little wiser, but someone who’s also gonna try and beat the shit out of him in Mortal Combat on the weekends. Physically bigger is also a plus, because that’s what tickles his proverbial pickle and also would come in handy if he comes across a violent spirit he can’t handle. Or you know… If he gets drunk and you have to cart him home… He tends to like the rugged type. Someone who can match him mentally. Sense of humor is also a plus. Okay, now a little about me. I do third person lit, please no chat speak in the RP. I usually try to make my posts a few paragraphs, I do not like one liners. I’m a quality over quantity writer, so I ask that you be, as well. I’ll take a good meaty paragraph over a page of bullshit. I like plots or a general goal that both characters have to work toward, and I ask that you be at least 25 or or older because I do not fade to black, and I’m in my late twenties, and would like to write with someone at my level of mentality. In that regard, I take plot over porn. I do like my fair share of nasty graphic descriptions, but not every other page. As far as relationships go, I like slow build. Unless your character is really damn forward and goes after what he wants, chances are it’s going to take some time before my character decides he likes yours. A relationship has to develop, no matter what. I’m a pretty friendly person and I do like to chat with my partners. I also add a fair amount of comedy to my RP’s as well, so if that’s an issue, please let me know. So yeah there we go. If you’ve got someone like that, hit me up. Or if you want to pitch me an idea, I’m cool with that, too. We can brainstorm and what what. I am open to different settings and genres. I love world building, sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and a lot of other settings so if you’ve got an idea, don’t be afraid to pitch it to me, even if it doesn't match up with my guidelines. Worst I can say is no. (Or bite. I do bite. Sometimes. I’m a lovely person.) Email: [email protected] Skype: I have it, but ask plz. Other methods of Summoning: Black jelly beans, coffee, and a pentagram.

#oc rp #multiple paragraph #para #short term #long term #email #submission

[amorremanet]

Lucy for the oc meme if you're still doing it :)

oc profiles meme!

*facepalms @ me* I apparently really suck at remembering to fill in my placeholders before clicking post because I get too excited about clicking “post,” this is the second time that’s happened

Full Name: Lucia Raven Murphy.

Lucy is one of my kids who got stuck having a Significant Name in universe, because unfortunately for her, her parents liked significant names. (Not quite as much as Sebastian’s entire family, but… it’s kinda hard to top them without getting into, “James Sirius, Albus Severus, and Lily Luna” territory.)

Anyway. Lucy’s parents picked, “Lucia” for Saint Lucia of Syracuse, one of the early Christian female martyrs who went, “Mmm, pass” at the non-Christian dude she was betrothed to because of Jesus reasons and wound up getting killed for it, who is traditionally invoked against blindness and eye disease, but also against, “spiritual blindness” because the Catholic Church loves playing on concepts like that — one of the things I remember from Sunday school basically went, “Saint Lucy lost her sight but it gave her better insight into spiritual matters because of Jesus.”

One of Saint Lucia’s other claims to fame is that Dante invoked her throughout the Divine Comedy, and she was one of the saints in Heaven whom Beatrice went to in search of help to go save Dante’s self-insert from himself. This reference was 500% intentional, on the part of Lucy’s Mom.

And the in-universe significance of, “Raven” is that it was one of her Grandmothers’ middle names, but the meta significance is that I meant to use Mystique’s given name as a placeholder until I found a different middle name for Lucy, but then I really liked how, “Lucia Raven Murphy” rolled off the tongue and had to make up an in-character reason for it because Lucy’s parents were big on significantly significant names.

They named her big brother Damian Alexander Murphy, after one of his grandfathers (Grandpa Alex is one of Damian’s least favorite family members) and the Saint Damian of the brother pair, Saints Cosmas and Damian, the Holy Unmercernaries, who are traditionally invoked by physicians, pharmacists, surgeons, apothecaries, and veterinarians, and for protection against pestilence and plague.

Damian has still not lived down the fact that he got the, “we want our kid to go to medical school” name, but Lucy is the one who actually wanted that, herself. (Not that she wound up going down the med school track, but she did consider it very seriously and for a couple years before deciding that she liked the sound of public health advocacy better.)

Gender and Sexuality: Cis girl. // Lesbian.

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers.

Species/Race & Ethnicity: Human (mutant). // White, and if you ask her, she will claim to have no idea what her background is beyond, “I don’t know? White?”

She does this specifically because it annoys her parents and the one uncle who happens to be a priest. Lucy knows damn well that her family is mostly Irish.

Birthplace and Birthdate: November 21st, 1992. // Baltimore, MD.

Guilty Pleasures: Lucy would tell you that she doesn’t have guilty pleasures because, as part of her project of giving the Catholic church a massive, “Fuck you” for a laundry list of reasons, she does not believe in guilty pleasures. Sadly, and unfortunately for her, the Catholic guilt is not actually that easy to shake, and Lucy definitely has guilty pleasures.

Just, for her, they’re usually guilty pleasures because she feels like she’s supposed to be, “above” this or “better than” this, or she’s not supposed to like these things because she’s an adult now, right? And these are kid stuff things, so she shouldn’t be liking them anymore.

For an incomplete list: the High School Musical movies.

Scooby Doo cartoons. All of them. Even the ones that heavily feature Scrappy Doo. Even A Pup Named Scooby Doo.

Carnival games. Lucy knows damn well that they’re rigged, but they get her almost every time, because dkffjfh, she’s REALLY going to get it this time, okay.

Similarly: skill cranes.

You know the episode of Spongebob where Squidward gets obsessed with playing the skill crane and ends up giving Mr. Krabs everything he has, in exchange for more quarters, so he can play the skill crane, and drives himself into the ground with it?

Yeah, that’s why Lucy isn’t allowed to play skill cranes

Because there is precedent that suggests that she could all too easily end up doing essentially that

The old Gameboy Color that she used to steal from Damian, because it was technically his and it was more fun to play with his than to play with her own, because she got to feel like she was super-sneaky and cool (and because it made her big brother actually pay attention to her, even if it was to go, “brat, that is MY Gameboy, you have your own”).

She still has her own old Gameboy, too, but it’s more fun to play with Damian’s.

Either way, some of her favorite games on it are:

the first and second gen Pokémon games

(because she was the right age to be part of the target audience for Gold/Silver/Crystal, but she also wanted to take Damian’s copies of Red/Blue/Yellow, for the same reason why she took his Gameboy).

The Pokémon TCG for Gameboy thing.

Tetris (which usually involves a lot of yelling wordlessly, but vaguely in tune with the theme music).

Frogger.

Link’s Awakening DX, and the Oracle games.

Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man.

Centipede and Millipede, and Space Invaders (the old arcade games that are older than Lucy, put on a Gameboy cartridge because why not).

The Powerpuff Girls trio of games.

and Super Mario Land.

In addition to the whole, “this is kid stuff for children and I’m supposed to be an adult“ thing, Lucy sometimes feels guilty about her Gameboy because when she gets really overwhelmed by ALL THE THINGS, she wants to be doing something, but if she can’t handle doing actual, real-world somethings now, she’ll go zone out with her Gameboy for a while, which will feel better to her than doing nothing…

…right up until she starts berating herself for being okay enough to fight Whitney’s Miltank or get through a few levels of Tetris, but not enough to do something for real

And it’s not a guilty pleasure at all (most of the time), but if the Gameboy coping strategy doesn’t work, then Lucy becomes the person who goes jogging when she’s upset, except for when it kinda stops being, “jogging” and starts being, “running until she feels like she’s going to pass out because she might”

Phobias: Not being good enough (this is one of the big ones for her, and there isn’t really an answer to, “good enough for what or whom, exactly?” because there will be either thousands of answers all at once, or none whatsoever because Lucy is fixated on the general, overall sentiment right now).

Not living life to the fullest or achieving her full potential or doing everything that she wants to do in life

Her Dad — but to be more specific: she’s afraid of letting him down (and kind of hates that she’s afraid of letting him down, because she knows that he’s a homophobic douchebag who may not have been an outright abusive father but certainly has not been exemplary, either, and she knows that she’d probably be better off if she stopped caring what he thought, and she’s kinda tried, but it’s been rough going and she’s gotten a whole lot of nothing for it);

she’s afraid of both what might happen if he finds out that she’s a lesbian, and of the possibility that he might die without knowing, which would mean that she never gets the chance to confront him about it and fight that dragon ever again — and on the off-chance that he didn’t just cut her out of his life (since, sadly, we are talking about a guy for whom, “well, at least he doesn’t believe in reparative therapy anymore”), then she’d end up missing out on the time they could’ve had without that secret hanging over everything;

and she’s afraid of what her Dad means to her and of what it might mean that she can find him reprehensible on several counts, and acknowledge the chance that he could very well turn on his own daughter and erase her from his life, or his conscious daily life anyway, and yet, she does still love him and care what he thinks and want to not let him down

and extraterrestrial life — but not in that she fears an invasion, exactly? Lucy would probably actually welcome an invasion by extraterrestrial aliens, because then she’d be right and they’d be out there for real, and that would be cool…… but in the big picture sense where she doesn’t really deal with it every day but when it does crop up, it derails whatever else she’s doing very easily? She’s afraid of the possibility that aliens are real, but they just don’t want anything to do with humans

Were that the case, Lucy supposes that she could see why and all…… but it would still suck, and think about how much we’d all be missing out on with the aliens, all because we just had to be a bunch of shit-sticks to each other

What They Would Be Famous For: This answer is starting to feel a little bit repetitive, but…… I mean. Lucy’s going to be part of a team of heroes who get together because they just want to do some real good in the world and help people, but then stumble into fighting a shadowy cabal of neo-fascist super-villains (most of whom have their own shiny cool mutant superpowers, though some of them do not and get treated as if they’re, like…… pets, more than people and full team members).

If that hadn’t happened, though, Lucy probably wouldn’t get famous and she’d be okay with that. But if she did get famous without superpowers, it’d probably be due to rabble-rousing in Washington, D.C., or being particularly loud and obnoxious in order to draw people’s attention onto the public health crises and causes that she would’ve thrown herself behind.

She probably would’ve wound up making a lot of enemies, in that way, or at least getting on the bad sides of several people — and to be fair, she’s going to end up on the bad sides of a few choice douchebags anyway — but if she’d stayed on the public health advocacy track instead of the superhero track, she would’ve definitely had a Leslie Knope moment of saying something like, “What I hear, when I’m being yelled at, is people caring loudly at me.”

What They Would Get Arrested For: Breaking and entering, trespassing, unlawful surveillance, assault maybe — basically, a lot of shit that most vigilante superheroes should be getting arrested for (and that Lucy only won’t be getting arrested for because she has a team of people who care about her enough to go, “Sweetie, no. You don’t have your license yet. If you really care about the work and the helping, and not just about running headlong into doing ALL THE THINGS because you’re bored? Then you won’t risk getting arrested just to go out there right now, unlicensed”)

OCs You Ship Them With: Lucy has Sara Grace, her girlfriend, and I don’t know if they’re going to be endgame or not, but if they’re not, then it’s going to be because they’re 22 and 23, and just getting out into the world after going to college, so growing up happens, and it’s not fun, but…… Sometimes, people can love each other and still not work out best for themselves and each other in a romantic relationship (which is pretty much Seb/Todd in a nutshell, too, right down to them having first met each other in college).

But the Lucy/Sara Grace relationship, if it doesn’t go all the way to endgame, is not going to be broken up because one of them died, because that’s rubbish and I’d rather not because it’s more fun for me to write about people who love each other trying to work through difficult times, and maybe coming out of them not loving each other romantically anymore, but without the whole, “bury your lesbians” thing because

I mean

Are we done with that trope, or are we done with that trope

Anyway. If not Sara Grace, then I’ve also been shipping Lucy with Layla, Antoinette (which would be really complicated, in a potentially bad way, because she’s kind of with the villains, for all she’s one of the ones who could be redeemed or at least brought around to work for the non-villainous side, since Annie mostly got dragged into this because of her family… but still), Helena (which would also be complicated, but mostly by virtue of Helena being one of the All-Stars — and no, she’s not one of the big movers and shakers on that team, but she’s still on the team of superheroes who have a reality show and that does tend to complicate things)

aaaaand a little bit with Allison, though that one is more like, “Lucy had a crush on Allison for a while, but pursuing any kind of romantic relationship would’ve been awkward, because first, Allison was one of her big brother’s best friends, and then, Allison was Damian’s girlfriend, and now, Allison and Damian are engaged, soooo…”

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Conrad will probably try, on the grounds that he, “wants to believe in her potential, but then suffers through watching her squander it” (which is his way of saying, “ugh why don’t you just want to give up on doing good things or helping people and come be a super-powered neo-fascist, uggggggggh”), but I already know that he’s not allowed to win that one because I’ve got other plans for both him and Lucy.

And, as with most of the people on the main team, Senator Huntington will want Lucy dead, but he isn’t going to go after her himself. He will send people after her, sure, but he hasn’t done his own dirty work since about 1984, and he has no intentions of starting it up again now.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Science-fiction. All the science-fiction (and probably an ensuing round of, “but do the aliens believe in me” and, “what if aliens ARE real but we haven’t found them because they think we’re a bunch of fuck ups and no one else in the universe wants anything to do with us”).

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliches: Protagonist-centered morality.

Edgy mcedgelord grimdark antiheroes who are all like, “rawr, I am so doing what needs to be done and therefore I am morally justified in acting like a douchebag and doing all of these skeevy-ass things and raaaawr, fuck you that’s why, I think I’m the goddamn Batman, but like all of the stories where Bruce Wayne is at his worst, or maybe like that run in the 90’s where Jean-Paul Valley got to be Batman because Bruce was busy having a broken spine, thanks to Bane.”

Lucy is just kind of averse to people acting like edgy mcedgelords in general

She has been for a long time, like. When Damian was in his early to mid teens, and Lucy was about five to nine, she was right there, getting on her cranky goth trash edgy mcedgelord big brother’s case and being all, “Yeah right, blah blah blah, the darkness in the depth of your soul truly knows no bounds, that’s totally why you turned into a big dumb puddle of mush because Allison’s new cat likes you. Calm down, edgelord.”

There’s a reason why she got, “if i were a drink i’d be a cherry vanilla coke / if you were a drink what would you be / everyone’s like, ‘bleach’ or ‘sewage’ please calm down edgelords” on the textpost meme

And that reason is that Lucy doesn’t have much patience for it when people start acting like edgelords

This can be sort of hypocritical of her, sometimes, but not that often, and if she’s going to have an edgy mcedgelord moment, she’ll usually preface it by going, “At the risk of sounding like I’m trying too hard to be edgy…” or similar

Torture being not only condoned but treated as if it’s actually effective at doing anything but causing pain and traumatizing people into telling you what you want to hear, whether it’s true or not — just…… don’t go there.

Do not try to justify torture to Lucy.

Because she’s done her homework and she knows that it doesn’t actually work, so anyone who engages in torture is just violating human rights and civil liberties for no freaking reason, and excuse you but no. She does not believe that the only way to uphold and protect your ideals and values is to violate them in one of the worst ways that you can possibly violate them.

She may not actually argue her case very well in the heat of the moment, because she is very passionate about this and about how Torture Is Straight-Up Wrong, Period, End of Discussion, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, and it’s really easy for Lucy to lose track of a logical argument when she’s wound up

But she will, however, tap into pathos pretty well and make an argument that makes people feel bad for even thinking of supporting torture, because for having such a problem with her Catholic upbringing over the entire thing of Catholic guilt? Lucy is pretty good at sending someone on a guilt-trip

While she will acquiesce that he is not a trope, Lucy can’t stand Deadpool. She doesn’t think he’s funny, she doesn’t think that he’s saying anything particularly insightful or constructive or fun, and if you’re going to be a satire of your genre that doesn’t contribute to the discussion but rather mocks the discussion and makes fun of literally everyone having it, then the least you could do is be enjoyable in your pointlessness.

Lucy is annoyed by hipsters, poststructuralism, dada, and Deadpool, who is, to her, the worst possible conflagration of the other three things on that list, except dressed in red spandex and annoying the shit out of her.

(This is really only relevant because: 1. I’m watching Deadpool right now, and 2. at least two of her teammates think Deadpool is cool and fun, and she is judging you so hard right now, Petebastian. Why are you like this. Why.)

And Lucy says that she hates forced love triangles in stories that did not need to have love triangles — she would point at The Hunger Games series as an example — but the reality is less that she objects to the love triangles, and more that she’s just not a fan of the two boys involved, but if the love triangle were between three girls (like, Johanna/Katniss/Madge, in this example), then she’d be all over it.

Talents and/or Powers: Well, non-superpower talents first. Lucy is a go-getter and while her rousing speeches have room to get better (because, y’know… she’s 23, and has more time to learn about the art of the rousing speech), she’s getting good at giving rousing speeches. She’s almost always ready, willing, and eager to get out in the world and try absolutely everything.

If you have her on your team for a competition like, “who can sell the most raffle tickets,” then you stand a good chance of winning, because she has dedication, enthusiasm, and persistence, plus a few of the Gifts of Gab (they aren’t really her strongest suit, but she is pretty good at them).

She’s also good at scavenger hunts, for a few reasons, one of which is the way that she’s totally cool with trying to scale the side of a building, or going and digging around in a muddy field on her hands and knees, or going and bothering strangers at the mall to pose for some ridiculous selfie with her, and so on — like, whatever weird scavenger hunt shit you can throw at her (or weird shit in non-scavenger hunt contexts), Lucy is here for it because that sounds fun and heck yes, she’d love to do it

She does have a problem of needing to learn better from the past and from previous mistakes (whether they’re hers or other people’s), but the flip-side of that problem is that Lucy doesn’t usually let setbacks get her down. She should let them get her down just a little bit more, so that she can learn from them a bit better, but…… well.

When people are yelling at her, she hears them caring loudly at her, and when things go wrong, Lucy will do her damnedest to find some way to turn this messy situation into something useful and constructive, and and then drag it into the realm of Good Things, kicking and screaming if necessary. Also, she’s 23 and she’s learning, and despite having some real world and real life experiences, she’s still naive about a lot of things, so… yeah. She’s learning.

And now for the superpowers

Lucy’s most notable power is hemokinesis — which is the term that I’m using because, “blood-bending” doesn’t really work outside the world of ATLA, where it actually makes sense as a term, but that’s the gist of it.

The ATLA conception of blood-bending is also inaccurate for Lucy because their blood-bending works by having the water-benders manipulate the water in someone’s blood, which is a really neat concept, but as Lucy learns more about how to control her powers, she’s going to learn that she has control over more than just the water in someone’s blood

For example: one of the applications of her hemokinesis that she’s going to rely on a lot is manipulating platelets in order to make smaller wounds scab over quicker. (In the case of larger wounds, she’s going to have to learn how to simulate the outer walls of ruptured blood vessels by directing blood-flow in certain directions, and then how to stimulate the body’s regeneration of the different kinds of blood cells.)

(The latter power is going to make her go, “!!!!!!!” when she learns that she can do it because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. SHE NEEDS SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE ALLOWED TO DONATE BLOOD AND WILLING TO LET HER DO THIS, COME ON, WE NEED TO GO TO THE RED CROSS RIGHT NOW AND DONATE ALL THE BLOOD, BLOOD BANKS ARE PERPETUALLY IN NEED AND LUCY CAN USE HER POWERS TO GENERATE BLOOD SO COME ON YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY. SEB, PETE, YOUR TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS ARE OLD ENOUGH TO NOT BE AN ISSUE SO CAN YOU JUST LIE AND PLEASE PRETEND YOU DON’T HAVE SEX WITH GUYS, AND SEB PRETEND THAT YOU’VE BEEN CLEAN FOR AT LEAST A YEAR, FOR THE SAKE OF THIS, IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT.)

(strictly speaking, both of them would do so, since neither of them has hepatitis or HIV, and they agree that this is important… but Lucy’s argument would work better on Seb before he learns that he’s a mutant.

Once he learns that, though, he would need to be sat down and given a thorough powerpoint presentation about how… yes, he has a healing factor, and yes, he would definitely be dead if he didn’t have it, with everything he’s ever done to himself, but it doesn’t actually mean that he’s secretly harboring hepatitis and/or HIV and just not feeling it because of his healing factor. If his tests come up clean, then he’s clean.

And… nb: they’d be having this conversation before the FDA changes the lifetime ban on giving blood for MSM, to, “you must abstain from having sex with other men for a year or you can’t donate blood.”

Seb, however, would still have to lie about the intravenous drug use, since…… yeah, he much preferred getting high without using a needle, because despite having multiple tattoos, he’s really easy to squick with needles — like he’s fainted a few times while watching other people shoot up because needles freak him out — but easily squicked by needles or not, Seb has used IV drugs that were not prescribed by a doctor, much less monitored by one, and he’d need to lie about that.

But Pete would only need to lie about the sex with other guys, and he thinks lying about his sex life in order to donate blood is okay, given that he knows he doesn’t have hepatitis or HIV.)

(This whole thing is just going to get a lot worse when Lucy learns how to regenerate plasma. Just.

She cares so much about this particular application of her powers and YOU GUYS SHE KNOWS THAT IT’S IMPORTANT TO WORK ON TAKING DOWN THE FASCIST MUTANTS BUT CAN WE PLEASE GO DONATE BLOOD COME ON IT’S IMPORTANT.)

Anywho. Some other uses of hemokinesis are going to scare Lucy a lot more, because, for example, she can use this power to heal…… but she could also create a blood clot and give someone a heart attack or stroke, and if she isn’t in control of it, she could do that without necessarily meaning to (e.g., if it happens as a panic response to being attacked by someone else)

And, uh. While it’s kind of cool to be able to generate the blood enough to make a sword, then make it dense, hard, and sharp enough to actually function as one? It’s also… kinda gross? And unless Lucy gets injured and gets her blood from there, her options are ““borrowing”” someone else’s blood — which she’d rather not do because what the fuck, that blood isn’t hers to go turning into a sword just because she can — or self-harming, which?

Even granted that she could get away with just pricking her finger or something, uh.

That’s pretty scary for Lucy, and more so because her girlfriend has dealt with self-harm before and it’s just?? Lucy isn’t sure if her belief in the greater good and getting shit done to benefit everyone would be enough to get her through self-harming in the name of creating a blood weapon when this could end up hurting Sara Grace

If she had no other options that would work, Lucy would probably do it, but…… seriously. Creating a blood weapon is going to be one something she’s only going to pull out if the other options have been exhausted and she’s basically down to, “surrender,” “die,” or, “make the damn blood weapon.”

Tangentially related to her hemokinesis, Lucy is eventually going to be able to tap into different uses of osteokinesis (or bone manipulation).

If she weren’t so excited about science and medicine, she might not make the connection on her own, but… blood is generated in bone marrow (which is why, if you get a bone marrow transplant, your body will generate blood that looks like it belongs to someone else, genetically).

Lucy’s going to have a lot on her mind for a while that’s more immediately pressing and that keeps her from fully making this connection — and getting into manipulating bones and bone marrow in more ways than, “generate ALL THE BLOOD for the Red Cross!!!” and so on, Lucy is going to have a harder time learning to control these powers and making them do what she wants

—but she will get a handle on her osteokinesis eventually, and be able to use it to heal broken bones (and several other things, but healing broken bones will probably be one of her preferred uses because…… no, seriously, a lot of the other uses of bone manipulation are going to freak her out kind of a lot).

(And at the risk of sounding like she’s trying too hard to be edgy, but? Holy shit, why did she have to get a bunch of edgelord powers like she’s just languishing outside a fucking Hot Topic, dressed all in black and complaining about all the goddamn conformists like how dare they listen to Beyoncé and Britney Spears instead of “Wake Me Up Inside” or Korn or whatever the fuck goth kids listen to, UGH.)

(Josie: “……Actually? It’s called, ‘Bring Me To Life.’”

Lucy: “………Huh?”

Josie: “The song that has, ‘wake me up inside’ as part of its chorus. Its actual title is, ‘Bring Me To Life,’ and…… eh? It isn’t not-Goth, but you would find quite a few Goth kids who’d rather not be associated with it because it was too big a hit when it first came out and they feel like this makes it a conformist song.”

Lucy: “…………Okay, question. Did I ask for a lesson about how you used to be a goth kid fairy princess back when you were in high school or whatever?”

Josie: “Okay, that song came out well after I’d finished high school, but who’s counting—”

Lucy: “Or did I ask for someone to please listen to me vent about how my powers are such freaking edgelord trash and it’s annoying?”

Josie: “……Neither, technically. You didn’t ask, you just kind of started venting.”

Lucy: “……*folds arms over her chest and just gives Josie an incredibly unimpressed face*”

Josie: “……I’m sorry. You were venting. Please, go on. I’m listening.”

Lucy: “Nah, I’m gonna go vent to Pete instead, he doesn’t correct me about songs I don’t care about when I’m mid-vent.”

………and then, about two hours later, Margot had to stop Pete and Lucy from going to stake out the nearest Hot Topic because…… no, you two. No. There is nothing untoward happening at Hot Topic.

Margot generally agrees with the grievances that you both have with Hot Topic, but there is not actually anything criminal going on at Hot Topic; you’re both just looking for something to be happening so you can justify wasting time on what is essentially a glorified game of you two hanging around outside Hot Topic, people-watching, and making pointlessly judgmental comments about the people who work or shop there.

Which Margot isn’t actually against, most of the time or in principle — except she is against it when you’re calling it work and wasting time that you’re really supposed to be spending on following up on leads about real supervillain problems.)

Other miscellaneous powers that Lucy has: a healing factor (it’s nigh impossible to find a mutant who doesn’t have one, and hers isn’t as intense as Seb’s, but that’s just because his has been through worse shit and it’s gotten a lot tougher as a result because environment and experiences have an important role in shaping if, how, and/or when the mutations that are coded in someone’s genes fully manifest and what the full extents of these manifestations will end up being)

Heightened senses (which is going to help contribute to Lucy finally finding out that she’s on the autistic spectrum, because the sensory overwhelm Hell is going to finally outstrip her ability to cope with things and make herself seem more or less neurotypical)

Increased stamina (which her healing factor helps with, yeah, but they are technically separate)

Super-strength (……ish. Like, she does end up with enhanced strength, yes, but the things is, she also ends up supplementing it with two things:

1. working out and strength training — and asking Seb to teach her how to fight because he knows how, and he didn’t learn it in any organized martial arts or boxing or whatever blah blah blah, he learned it from an actual need to defend himself and others, which means that he knows how to fight effectively, and come on come on come on, it’s not like Lucy’s asking him to start a Fight Club with her, she just wants to be a good superhero, pleeeeease?;

and 2. temporarily increasing the density and weight of her own blood to make her punches hit harder — which is a very specific way of supplementing her enhanced strength that doesn’t actually translate to most uses of it that don’t involve hitting things, and it may not hurt her as quickly and obviously as, say, trying to punch someone when you don’t know the right way to make a fist, don’t have your knuckles taped and/or can’t prep yourself for the pain that will come if you don’t have your knuckles taped, etc.

…but a couple hours after she does this, Lucy will have to deal side-effects as her blood tries to shift back to its normal density, and as her body tries to catch up with that, and all of it will suck)

And (in Sara Grace’s words), “a super-mutant refusal to give up in the face of things that are terrifying and difficult and might make other people run screaming” and, “the most super-mutant cutest little nose-wrinkle ever in all of the history of the entire planet ever”

Why Someone Might Love Them: …it’s late and I’m tired, so fair warning, we’re getting into, “this is where the crappy answers start up” territory right now but with that being said:

Lucy is enthusiastic, and completely earnest about it. Like, she has some semblance of tact, but it’s really difficult for Lucy to fake being enthused about something when she isn’t, so when she’s all excited and eager and everything? It’s for real, and it can be contagious, because she just believes so much in how cool it is to care about stuff and give them your all and fight for what you believe in and so on, and her energy and enthusiasm rub off on other people

(Which, admittedly, some people don’t like very much, but other people do, so.)

She may not be perfect, but she does always try to be a better person. This is hindered most by how slow she is to learn from past mistakes, and by her eagerness to keep plowing forward and to get up, dust herself up, and get back in the fray as soon as possible — but she’s the member of the main cast who is most likely to give a, “You know, I learned something today!” type of speech about how they can all take the most recent odd miscellaneous misadventures and turn them into practical self-improvement and being better people for real

(One problem that she needs to work on here is that she’s a definite Gryffindor, and she has that Gryffindor tendency to sometimes steamroll over people because she’s made a decision about what the Greater Good is or what’s best for everyone — and to Lucy’s credit, she can be stopped if you’re patient with her and go, “No. Here is what you’re doing, now stop”… but, still. She’s trying to work on the whole steamroller problem, but…… it’s a process for her.)

(Also, she’s not exactly a Pollyanna, but Lucy does believe in trying to find the bright side and the potentially useful aspects of everything, even if it kills her, so she can kinda seem like it, sometimes.)

For all she puts up a front as much as most of the rest of my characters — and Lucy’s front generally tends to be a version of herself that is more competent than she necessarily feels and definitely more self-assured than she feels at any given moment — Lucy is also more comfortable with being genuine and real with people, without it having to be that she’s breaking character or slipping up or something.

Like, her front isn’t one she uses to try and push people away or keep them from seeing her vulnerabilities; she uses it to try and convince people that she’s okay, and she’s got this, and you should take her seriously because she knows what she’s doing and she’s got this and if you don’t believe her, just watch

(Who listens to “Uptown Funk” when she needs a pep talk? Uh, yeah, that would be Lucy.)

So, she’s not one of my characters who’s going to go to ridiculous lengths to try and keep her true self from coming out — aside from: 1. trying to minimize some of her vulnerable spots. specifically the ones that make her; and 2. the balancing act she has with being half-closeted, but that’s not based on trying to push people away; it’s about being genuinely terrified of what her parents would do to her if she came out to them

—and when she wants to get to know someone, then she she’s more comfortable sharing parts of herself with them than most of her teammates

And she’s dedicated. Like, really, really dedicated. She tires not to expect the same level of dedication from other people… but Lucy herself won’t feel good about her efforts on something ‘til she’s given it 5,010% percent of what she has to offer and then tried to give more

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She can be overwhelming to deal with, even when she doesn’t mean to be. Her dedication can be exhausting to deal with, and she sometimes doesn’t really get that seriously, Lucy: it’s okay to chill out a little bit and not try to go charging headlong into absolutely everything. She often doesn’t get that she’s being a steamroller until someone points it out to her, and while she is genuinely sorry for that (most of the time), the whole thing where she doesn’t learn from her mistakes very easily is kind of a problem.

And, on the (usually) less understandable end, some people find her earnestness off-putting, and genuine belief in always doing the best that you can, trying to be the best that you can be, and trying to do the most good in the world that you can possibly do.

Sometimes, this is understandable, because Lucy can do this without being as sensitive as she could be about everything that’s going on in any given situation — most likely because she thinks that she’s right and hasn’t stopped to consider the other perspectives in play right now — and is being a giant, runaway steamroller with no brakes and a lead foot on the gas pedal.

Other times, though, people have gone after her earnestness and her attempts to be a good person, and a hero in her own right, because they’re being cynical dicks and going, “ugh, you are so naive and it’s annoying, stop it”

How They Change: Probably the biggest things that Lucy’s going to deal with as part of her character growth are: 1. learning how to learn from her mistakes, or other people’s mistakes, or the past in general because she really needs a better balance between her, “YEAH LET’S GO FUTURE YAY LET’S WORK FOR THE FUTURE IT’S ALL GOING TO BE SO MUCH COOLER THERE, I DO NOT WANT TO BE CHAINED TO THE PAST BECAUSE IT SUCKED, YAY FOR THE FUTURE” positive view of and approach to life, and the truth at the heart of, “those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it”;

and 2. her naivete is going to get kicked in the teeth. It’s not as clear-cut as, “the naivete is completely wrong and all of the cynical dicks in her life have been right all along” — it’s more the case that everyone involved in this discussion is being too extreme and/or too absolutist about something in how they approach life, they all have some fair and valid points (some of them more than others), and they all have places where they’re really in need of some changes to better themselves and to do better by the other people in their lives

—but Lucy is still really naive about some pretty important shit, and her naivete is going to get kicked in the teeth, and then her commitment to positivity and finding the bright side of things or a way to make them useful and so on? Yeah, that’s all going to be tested. A lot.

A big part of her development is going to be about finding a balance between her ideals and commitment to trying to be a positive force in the universe, and needing to pay better attention to the practical details and actual reality of what’s going on around her and what she’s sticking her superpowered bunny nose into.

Also, she’s going to learn that she’s on the autistic spectrum and have to deal with that, and like.

Mutant superpowers? She didn’t expect those, but she has thought about what she might do in this kind of situation because she’s grown up in a world where mutants with superpowers are real and fairly well-known and so it’s entirely plausible that she or someone she knows could turn out to be a mutant, so there are some aspects of this that Lucy hasn’t really prepared herself for and wouldn’t have seen coming and so on and so forth, and it’s not like the adjustment will be that easy for her, but it won’t take long to find a groove to settle into

But she really didn’t see being on the autistic spectrum coming and she consequentially has no idea what to make of it when it comes to her awareness

Why You Love Them: 3:11 AM crappy answer time, but… because Lucy is, in a lot of ways, kind of a mess — not as much as some of her teammates, but to be fair here, among the main team and with the exception of Sara Grace, they’re all 7 to 12 years older than Lucy is, so they’ve had more time to get themselves into a ton of shit and make themselves into different kinds of human disasters — but she’s trying and so freaking help her, she’s going to do it all with a positive attitude and a mind to help create good changes in the world wherever and whenever she can. And I admire that dedication in her

#saralanceing #lucy murphy: hemokinetic disaster #oc questions #that story with the mutants that i should find a working title for fml #mine: writing #memes for ts #ask box tag #lucy x sara grace #damien & lucy #allison & lucy #lucy & margot #lucy & seb #lucy & pete #josie & lucy #religion ref// homophobia ref// mental health issues ref// #……this is probably the tamest answer to one of these memes so far oops #anyway lucy is trying her best and she's my daughter and i love her