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hywenhywen · 8 months

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0.02 seasons - kim chaewon

warnings / notes - loosely based off of seasons by wave to earth, very sensitive topics / reader discretion advised, non-idol!chaewon, time skips, reader sucks at communicating, reader is very insecure / has low self-esteem

wc - 2.7k

“we can't go out anymore.” you said.

“what?” chaewon asked, stunned by your words.

“i need a break.” you replied, looking down at your feet.

“why?” she asked. “i thought we were doing fine, just yesterd-”

“i don't feel well.” you stated.

“did you get sick? have you taken medicine yet?”

“not like that chaewon.”

“so what,” she sighed. “we're going to go down the drain?”

“i don't find another solution to this.”

“i can help you. we'll get through this together."

“we can't. i cant.” you mumbled. “it's something i've carried with me since i was a child.”

tense silence filled the area. crickets could be heard chirping. your hands balled into tight fists, your knuckles turning white from the pressure. the feeling of guilt grew deeper inside you. maybe this all could've been avoided if you were a better person. this was all your fault in the end.

“don't ball your fists up like that, you'll hurt yourself.” chaewon said, reaching to place her hands over yours. “i know i can't change your mind, so please take care of yourself.”

you turned to look at her, regret already starting to settle in your heart. a tear flowed down your cheek, stoping at your chin. using your sleeve to wipe your cheek dry, you stood up suddenly. chaewon’s eyes followed your actions. she stood up as well.

“thank you for this year.” chaewon said, a sorrowful smile plastered on her face. “take care of yourself.”

chaewon turned the other way and began walking away. tears started to leak from your eyes, your actions having finally been processed by your mind. regret settled rapidly in your conscious and heart. your knees felt weak, your chest tightened, and things appeared to be spinning. your life was falling apart.

you did what you had to do. you always knew you weren't enough for chaewon. she was perfect and you were you. you would never amount to anything. that's what they all said, all the time.

friday, february 24, 12:03 am, 9 days after your break up. that was when you had finally gotten up from your bed. the streets were quiet, the light the street lamps emitted hurt your unaccustomed eyes. your body ached badly. you felt frail, as if a wrong step would make you crumble.

you stepped into your bathroom, opting to leave the light off, and stared at yourself in the mirror. you stood there, shell shocked. who was the person in the mirror? that surely couldn't be you. it had gotten bad, awfully bad.

you opened the faucet and let the water run for a bit. you rested your hands on the sink and let your head hang. you stayed like that for a while, the small amounts of water vapor brought you back to your senses. opening the cold water, you placed your hand under the still mildly hot water. the water stung for a while before it began to cool down.

your hands remained under the running water for a few moments before you splashed some water onto your face. the cool water soothed your burning skin. you continued to rub your face with the water in hopes that it would make you dissolve at some point. you did that for about five minutes, before your body began to ache even worse. you felt like you were bound to crumble from a single movement.

you weakly stumbled out of the bathroom and into the kitchen. your body moving on its own, paying to mind to all the alarms going off inside your mind. your arms reached for every piece of furniture, attempting to hold yourself up as you walked around your home. you only had a few more steps until you could reached the cupboard. then your legs finally gave up.

you fell onto the floor, the lack of nutrients finally taking its toll. with little energy left to spare, you remained on the floor and tried standing up, yet to no avail. you only managed to sit up again the fridge. tears began streaming down your cheeks, falling onto your hands. you remained still for a while, tears continuously pouring from your eyes.

after a while your crying had ceased. you continued to lean again the fridge, sniffles and running ac echoed across the room. you had managed to calm down and gathered all your strength. placing your hand on the counter, you tried to stand up once again. finally being able to stand, you dragged your feet towards the cupboard and reached for a cup.

having the cup in hand, you stumbled towards the water dispenser. you reached out and got some water. bringing the cup up to your lips slowly, you tipped your head back and began to drink the water. the water was cold and sent a shock through your body, it soothed your dry throat. you hastily finished the cup and moved to fill it again. finally feeling some relief you sighed loudly, as if you could breathe again.

you had decided to keep your word to chaewon. you were going to take care of yourself. you were going to get better for her, even if it meant going through hell and back. you wanted to be your best for chaewon. it was certainly going to be tough, but with the amount of love your heart had for her, nothing was impossible.

it had been nine months since that day. they say time heals. not for you, nothing ever went your way. time refused to help you. surprisingly, you had managed to keep yourself in decent shape.

keeping chaewon’s words close to your heart, you pushed your limits and tried your hardest. you did your best to be better, for her. you never managed to fix your mindset though, you only learned to tune it out, to avoid it. everyday was a struggle. all you wanted to do was stay in bed, not moving a single muscle.

even breathing had become a nightmare. mundane tasks became struggles. the first week you were bed bound, you didn't leave your room for a while. your phone laid dormant on your nightstand. it went off every few hours.

friends texted, wondering where you were, if you were ok. your parents called after not hearing from you for a few days. only the furniture in your apartment bore witness to the calamitous events. you had memorized the pattern of your ceiling. the feeling of your sheets, the motion of the wind, the way your chest aches when breathing.

you struggled with yourself all the time. you wanted to fall back into the same habit, just doing enough. you felt miserable every time. the same routine everyday. wake up, wash your face and brush your teeth, eat breakfast, go to work. the afternoon wasn't very different, aside from doing something productive and new every wednesday.

your alarm began to ring, you pulled an all-nighter again. you rolled over to face your alarm, quickly turning it off. you groaned and slowly sat up. you stretched a bit before swinging your legs off the side of the bed. you yawned and stood up from the bed.

you made your way to the bathroom and turned on the water. lukewarm water worked best for mornings like this. you splashed some water onto your face before drying your face off and grabbing your toothbrush. applying the recommended portion on the bristles you began brushing your teeth. you finished after about five minutes and walked to the kitchen opting to drink coffee for today's breakfast.

starting the coffee machine, you had about 15 minutes for the coffee to be done. walking back to your room you grabbed your regular attire and got dressed. you grabbed your bag and placed it near the door, a few seconds later you heard the coffee machine end. moving towards the kitchen your grabbed a thermos and poured the coffee into it. you added sugar to taste and left the lid open so it could cool a bit.

you grabbed your phone and saw you had a message from sakura.

y/n

are we still on for breakfast?

a look of shock adorned your face, sakura rarely asked to go out, typically opting for home cooked meals. your shocked washed away when you realized what day it was. you had made plans with her the night you went to the river.

ofc kkura

i'll see you in a bit

you quickly rushed out the door and haphazardly grabbed your things. you made your way downstairs and towards the bus stop. you tossed things into your bag, tightly holding your steaming coffee to avoid spilling. you reached the bus stop and sat down on one of the benches. you set your coffee down and organized your bag quickly.

the bus arrived a few minutes after you had finished organizing your bag. when the bus doors opened you stood up, grabbed your things and got on. you opted to sit all the way in the back, right next to a window. you brought your thermos up to your lips, the coffee emitted a comfortable amount of heat to contrast the cold november morning. carefully tipping the cup, you took a reasonable sip.

the coffee warmed you up rapidly. you continued to drink very cautiously, not wanting to ruin your clothes this early. turning your head towards the window, you observed the scenery. young and older schoolchildren walked towards the nearby school building. most were dressed in thick and heavy coats, others wore simple jackets.

you continued to look out the window, taking in your surroundings and sipping on your warm coffee. you relaxed momentarily and took a deep breath.

“i could get used to this.”

you picked up your phone and scrolled through your social media, liking photos and videos occasionally. you turned your phone off and continued looking out the window, counting all the trees you saw. the silence on the bus soon got boring so you put on your headphones and played your favorite songs. humming and tapping your foot along to the beat, a smile grew on your face. this was one of the most relaxing mornings so far.

you arrived at your stop soon enough, you collected your things, payed the fare, and walked towards a medium sized café. you opened the door and you saw sakura at a table in the far left corner. you walked towards her, taking your headphones off and putting them away. you walked up to the table and pulled the chair out a bit.

“sorry i'm late.” you said, hanging your bag on the chair. “it completely slipped my mind.”

“it's fine, i just got here a few minutes ago.” she said.

“do you know what you want?” you asked. “it's my treat.”

“oh don't worry about paying, i can pay for it,” sakura said, waving you off. “but yeah, i know what i want.”

“want to go order?” you said, standing up offering her your hand.

she nodded and took your hand. you made small talk while waiting in line. you cracked a few jokes and laughed a bit. after a bit, you finally got to order. you somehow managed to convince sakura to let you pay.

the cashier let you know that it would be out in a bit and that they'd call you when it was done. sakura led you back to the table you had been sitting at. this time you sat down facing the door, rather than facing the wall. you two continued talking for a while before the door of the café opened. you turned your head a little to see who came in.

it was chaewon.

your heart immediately started to race, your vision became blurry, and your breathing was erratic. sakura took notice and turned to look towards the door, once she noticed who it was she turned back to you. she waved her hand in front of your face for a bit. you never noticed her, so she began shaking your shoulders and calling your name. that had managed to catch your attention.

“y/n!” she exclaimed. “are you ok?”

you nodded your head, looking back towards the door. you looked around for a bit before finding chaewon at a booth, presumably waiting for someone. at that moment, the cashier called your name and placed your drinks on the counter. you stood up to grab them. you used that moment as a chance to get a better look.

to your surprise, chaewon seemed fine, almost as if nothing had ever happened. you set the cups down and sat down, clearing your throat in the process.

“sorry about that.” you apologized.

“you don't need to apologize.” sakura started. “i know how it feels, it's not a pleasant feeling.”

you started a conversation, hoping that it would momentarily distract you. it managed to work and you got carried away. the café’s door opened once again. your head snapped to look at who it was. it was a young woman.

from the corner of your eye you saw chaewon stand up and wave the woman over. your eyes followed the woman. once she reached chaewon you saw her place a kiss on her cheek. your jaw dropped and your heart began to ache. you blinked slowly then stood up from your chair.

your hand rested on your chest as you walked out of the café, experiencing many different emotions at once. sakura grabbed your things and quickly followed behind you. once she had reached you, her hand moved towards yours.

“y/n.” she said. “what happened?”

“she,” you said in a breathless voice. “she kissed someone.”

“chaewon did?” she asked, a look of shock adorned her face. “she never mentioned someone.”

you held your head in your hands, attempting to steady your breathing. all the breathing exercises you had learnt were futile, your breathing was inconsistent. at some point you began to wheeze, you felt your throat slowly close. you gasped for air and reached for sakura. she seemed to be panicking, worried for you, yet seemingly not knowing what to do.

you shut your eyes tightly and continued gasping for air. you reached for anything nearby, trying to find something to hold onto. you fumbled with the top button on your shirt, hoping it would help you breathe. sakura in a moment of pure desperation, tapped your back lightly, almost as if she was trying to make you cough. you began to cough, finally being able to breathe.

you took a deep gasp and turned to look at sakura. you smiled weakly at her and continued coughing lightly. sakura attempted to comfort you by rubbing your back.

“you scared me.” she said.

“sorry about that kkura.” you muttered. “i didn't know i'd get like this.”

“you don't need to apologize. it could've happened to anyone after what you saw.” she said.

“how'd she move on that quickly?” you asked, looking straight at sakura.

“no clue.” she replied. “people cope differently, maybe even heal quicker than others.”

you shrugged and sighed.

“i was just thinking that maybe in the future we could've gotten back together.” you chuckled weakly.

“don't give up, the chance might come someday.” sakura said, nudging you with her elbow.

“i'll try not to, i really do love her.” you said. “i think i should head home, don't feel too well.”

“if you need anything don't hesitate to call me.” sakura said. “i'll be here for you.”

“thanks kkura.” you said, pulling her into your arms and hugging her tightly. “we should eat together soon.”

“of course, somewhere farther though.” she laughed.

“i'll look forward to it.” you said, walking off in the direction of your house.

you decided to walk home rather than taking the bus. you opened your bag and got your headphones. the music put your mind at ease and let you relax for a moment. you placed your hand over your heart and faintly felt your heartbeat. your favorite part of the song was coming up.

once the part arrived you muttered the phrase.

“i’ll give you all my life,”

“my seasons.”

you were always going to wait for chaewon, even if it took you many lifetimes.

in the end, she would always be your love.

back to shore | 0.03

#📰 fics #★ — w2e #wave to earth #le sserafim imagines #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim #le sserafim chaewon #kim chaewon #chaewon #chaewon x reader

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magpiemoon6 · 5 months

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Extraction point

Simon Riley x Y/N

Sad fluff !!!

Warnings: PTSD, depression, mental health issues

( I'm sorry if there is any writing mistakes I'll fix them tomorrow)

Reminder people, you are loved and deserve happiness always <3

A thousand tones feel like it’s on my chest, I cannot breathe. Like the world has chosen this exact moment to swallow me up in my pain and stress. My mind betrays me and falls in its own trap of self-doubt. I’m so far behind where I’m meant to be and the guilt of not living up to my own expectations for my inner child is eating me up. And in this moment every single mistake or failure seems to pile up in my head. I’m drowning even though I’m on land.

But he seems to be a light in my darkness, I need Simon, and before the guilt stops me, I reach for my phone under the pile of covers and duvets. Searching through the stuffy warmth till my hand claps the cold object. Pulling it to my chest, my eyes are swollen from crying and my nose is entirely blocked from my crying till my vision goes blurry.

I search for his name in my phone, I just want to hear his phone, the warmth of his voice is like a drug and the euphoria should shield me from my pit.

Si <3

“Hey, are you free a second? If not no worries x”

I feel so wrong for relying on him, but I promised Simon, that if it gets bad, we won’t shut each other out not again. That we can be each other’s extraction point.

Buzzing snaps me out of my brain unravelling in my hands. He’s calling and my heart drops because if he hears I’ve been crying he will come running and I can’t do that to him. Clearing my throat, I click to answer.

“Hello lovie” Simon says, and it feels like the flood gates are getting harder to hold shut, I just want him here and I’m so fucking selfish for that.

“Hey baby, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have texted you” I respond, I don’t want him to panic so I’m praying that my voice sounds calm, and my breathing is even enough he won’t realise.

“What happened? Tell me please y/n? I’m here” I can hear the anxiousness in his voice creep in, shit he knows and when he says that everything in me that was protecting him from my pain breaks from his kindness.

I’m crying again silent tears and my breathing stops trying helplessly to hold it in.

“I’m fine, I’m fine Simon, it’s stupid I’m sorry for disturbing you. I’m a big girl I just needed to hear your voice,” my voice is breaking as I say it, my grip on my phone is too tight. I need to let go. But I cant.

“Y/n?” the softness in his tone is so different from his voice yet hearing him say my name gives me more comfort than the dozens of duvets on top of me.

“Yes Simon?” I need to get control of my sadness, it kills me knowing he has to hear me like this.

“It’s going to be okay love” and that makes me sob harder, holding the phone away from myself so he is saved from my pain.

“Okay, thank you. Bye Si” and that’s all I can say because if I say anything else it will involve me pathetically asking him over and he deserves better than the mess I am in this moment.

So now I’m sat here in my cold dark room alone. Submerged in my pain. I’m so tired of this, I want to be better, to get better and no more need for meds and therapy and other people to hold me together. I feel pathetic as if I’m dragging on everyone’s life. I want to live without all my sadness.

I’m too sucked into my own depression to hear the door of my flat opening and shutting. Too distracted to recognize the footsteps moving towards my room.

Simon opens the door, and I don’t know how to cope with my emotions. My heart practically burst knowing he came over, giving me some hope that maybe I am worthy of his love. But then he has to see my darkness, the hypocrite I am knowing I’ve seen him where I am and gave him all my love I possibly could.

“Hey love,” he’s quiet even for him, moving through the room like he is terrified he may break something or me.

“You didn’t have too” the guilt stays heavy on my shoulders.

Knowing he is staring at me, someone who is normally so full of light now covered in darkness that fills the room and holds it down. He begins to move onto the bed gently, moving himself silently under the covers with me. My heart hurts. Loving him gives me air in my lungs, everything about him gives me hope and love. I could stare at him for a thousand years and still not get enough.

“Y/n, I love you, okay? I will be here if I’m dead or alive, a million miles away or next door.” Pulling me into his chest, the heat of his body makes the blankets feel cold.

I cant stop crying even if I wanted too, pushing my face into his chest and curling into him, I let him hold me and begin to pull away all the darkness that doesn’t seem to drown me as much now. I feel him large hand begin to gently stroke my hair, moving through it as he soothes soul with his love.

“I’m sorry,” I mumble into his chest, this makes his hand stop its rhythmic pattern of brushing through my hair. Tilting my head to his eyes.

He stares back and I fall in love all over again, those honey eyes are only filled with compassion and understanding. Before him my loneliness was my company, and everything was always so violent. But with him now I’m learning to live without violence and less loneliness.

“What’s our promise?” he asks me, still holding me tightly letting my pain wash away his love flooding me and bring me back to the now.

“That we will always be each other’s extraction point,” the quote we made up before we even started dating. The quote that we held onto before we knew our love wasn’t one sided.

“Exactly,” he says and goes back to stroking my hair and listening to my hiccupping breathing, never judging just existing with me.

“Thank you, I love you” and I mean it, the same way I know he does too. Our darkness still haunts us both, but we have learnt to comfort each other and hold out the light when we need it.

“I love you too”.

#simon riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley #cod x reader #ghost cod #fluff #sad fluff #call of duty #writing #mental health

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powderseas · 2 months

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side order is here!!! its real!!! yippee

what do you think of it so far?

ok so im just gonna spit out all my side order thoughts so far

SPOILERS FOR SIDE ORDER AHEAD!!!!!!

EDIT: I ACTUALLY FINISHED THE GAME WOOO (just one run tho lol) im gonna write my thoughts under the previous stuff

OK SO. i think im a little..? dissapointed..? abt sider order?? like im kinda conflicted abt the lore, also i suck BALLS at the game

the thing is i have done 5 runs so far AND COULDNT GET A SINGLE WIN. the most i can do is up to floor 20.... im literally so bad at this game I ONCE DIED 2 TIMES IN AN EASY LEVEL. im newgen guys.

maybe im not fit for rougelike games but like... idk. i feel like me and the fandom as a whole expected so much more from side order. i feel like if the game is gonna make you replay the same stuff over and over again it should atleast have a SOUL CRUSHING LITERARY MASTERPIECE TYPE OF LORE like OE and Alterna

AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW DIRTY THEY DID FOUR???? literally called them an irrelavent loser and then sweeped them aside... THEY DONT EVEN HAVE A PALETTE ICON???? theyre not even a secret boss smh.... agent 4 had so much potential I WILL NEVER FORGIVE NINTENDO FOR THIS. and like sure the parallel canon level kind of includes four but that thing is literally an npc??? like imagine what they couldve done with the story if they had included four in it:

when four is left out from the squidbeak splatoon they try to prove themselves by siding with marina with her project. it makes perfect sense. marina and four are both scared of being seperated by their loved ones. but four gets consumed by their anger and jealousy and goes full order mode LIKE DO YOU GUYS SEE MY VISION!!!! i will be forever mad that we didnt get this.

also why is murch out of all the chracters have a pallete??? why didnt they put in captain 3 or something????? sheldon i kinda understand since hes also kinda a part of the squidbeak splatoon BUT MURCH??? get the fuck out!!!

negative stuff aside tho. i love pearl and marina so much. THIS IS THE PEARLINA GAME GUYS!!!!! pearl literally mentions that marina and her sleep in the SAME BED???? marina is so autistic. my little autism creature. SHE MAKES DINO ARMS IN THE ENDING SCENE AUGHHHHHGHHH MY HEARTTT i love marina so much AND PEARL. SUCH A SILLY GOOBER. acht is so precious too... BUT I CNAT BELIEVE THAT THEY MADE THEM WHITE*??? ACHT IS NOT WHITE NINTENDO. anyways i love eight and her little found family full of lesbians. they are all lesbians your honor. we are raising lesbians in this house.

so yeah. i hope i can finish the run atleast ONCE. but like. idk i havent finished the game but side order jsut makes me feel. sad... and lonely...?? unlike octo expension where you could see more and more people using the metros and the chatrooms between marina and pearl are just AUUGGHHH OE IS A GAME. ABOUT CONNECTIONS OK. it makes me feel warm and happy and even though eight became traumatized i like to think that she healed and in the process met so many important people in her life.

in side order i dont see anything in eight*??? is she traumatized??? is she vibing??? is she happy to help??? I LITERALLY CANT TELL. side order makes me feel so cold and empty like do you guys understand what i mean. and its probably becasue it doesnt even take place in the real world. and the thing is. i understand that side order is supposed to be everything that OE couldnt be. i understand that. both games have their own quirks BUT. i just cant seem to make myself love it unlike any other story mode in splatoon...... im really trying to be not biased here but yeah. these are my opinions for side order

AFTER GAME THOUGHTS

HELLO. so yes i somehow managed to win the game. and honestly. the final boss was pretty fun and everyone was so cute at the end omg... but i still think that side order is a bit underdevloped.... i dont even know if ill try to %100 is cuz playing it makes me SO STRESSFUL im glad i get to finish a run BUT i will definetly not be touching side order atleast for a while.... but despite i had plenty of stuff i didnt like in side order the ending managed to make me forget all that haha

#ask #splatoon #splatoon 3 #splatoon side order #side order #splatoon 3 side order #side order dlc #side order spoilers

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kpopscruggles · 4 months

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its 🏳️‍🌈 anon here im on vacation so im gonna tell this pent up frustration cause i cant jerk off huhu (gonna make it gay and i cant write so sorry)

a. part time gym trainer college student sungchan surprised that his classmate/crush walk into his gym and having to touch his crush because hes in love with a twink that has never hold a weight before. it ends with a drink or dare where his crush dared sungchan to do push ups and every push up he tries to say his crush's name and after he did it 20 times sungchan dares his crush to do crunches while moaning his name for 20 times

"come on yn u could do more than 5" sungchan said holding your legs while you are laying down obviously red and sweating. sungchan tried his best not to fuck you right then and there.

seeing you struggle do your 6th crunch made sungchan go feral "sungc-" sungchan kisses you passionately

"god i love your voice. but i love shutting you up more"

b. school heartbreaker heeseung (idk if u like enha much but hesjdjjf) always winning his football fuck list competition where they pick a name from a fish bowl and get them to fuck then before finals. with a team full of visuals its not hard but it turned into a challenge when the team decided to prank heeseung's last time playing the game as a senior.

"dude wtf why did you wrote y/n. hes a man!" hee protested

"oh come on dude its obvious how much you wanna fuck this man" jake replied

"DUDE EWW? im not gay + hes a really nice person hes cute hes hella smart hes fun to talk to he does this cute smile when hes especially talking to me an-"

"uh huh the guy youre talking about thats "not ur crush" is right over there" jake put emphasis on not ur crush with finger quotes

oh fuck. hes cute. was all he said on his head when he saw yn

"damn heeseung thought you would last longer than that?" yn said but heeseung just blanked out remembering the first time he saw you before doing the game

"heeseung?" "i love you" it was yn's turn to blank out as all he hesrd after that was a slurs of i love you while heeseung messily drove yn to his high

c. its hard being alone in your 20s especially with drowning yourself in your work while having no one to share anything with: your problems, your success, everything. and its really bad when you have no social life because you cant rant to someone about your two hot buff dilf neighbors who live together.

"they're prolly not into me im a twink theyre daddies maybe thats why they live together" you said over and over again while trying to not look at your neighbors infront of you wearing nothing but sweatpants

"eyes up here sweetheart" sunghoon said

"yk if you want this you could just ask" sungchan said while pointing on his yk what

d. drunk yn has been ranting to his best friend sungchan about his single life, he had always done this but its new years and sungchan is sick and tired of yn's shenanigand

"yn really again? yk what suck it" he opened his jeans and showed his dick thats bulging from his underwear

"are u fucking serious?" yn asked

"deadass. im sick and tired of you ranting that youre a single virgin every year. especially when i could be the one to solve that problem"

"what?" good thing yn didn't heard the last part sungchan said

"are you gonna suck it or not?"

thats all i got 😵‍💫😵‍💫 IDK IF ITS RVEN OK

Sungchan is DEF NOT hiding the fact that he’s enjoying every moment of his name coming you your mouth!!! And when your doing crutches he’ll hold your feet but end up just running his hands up your hips “cmon baby keep up…you can’t grow weak just yet” and his hands with just fiddle with the waistband of your shorts!!! Seeing you struggle would also kill him untill he just smiles “take a rest, you’ll need some energy for what I’m gonna do to this cute body of yours”

Heeseung!!!!!! (I love this plot and yes I love enha) this is definitely something he then can’t go without! He’ll become feral to the point that if you two begin dating or not he’s gonna brag ab you, ab how you make him a cum covered mess, he doesn’t care!!! After every game he’s fucking you because that’s how you give him a lil reward!!!! CAR SEX AFTER PRACTICE!!! He’s just annoyed that his coach was being a dick and just rails you in the backseat of his car while ranting to you at the same time 😭😭

“You wanna see it up close?” Sunghoon would go fucking feral too see you drill over his cock, especially while it’s just in sweatpants “I can give you a little peek if your be a good boy for me, can you do that baby? Hmm?”

Sungchan will just slowly pump his cock “go on, I know you want too which pisses me off even more that I still have to hear you complain..”

#🏳️‍🌈 anon #Enhypen hard hours #Enhypen smut #Enhypen hard thoughts #riize hard thoughts #riize smut #riize hard hours #Sungchan smut #Sungchan hard hours #Sungchan hard thoughts #heeseung smut #heeseung hard hours #heeseung hard thoughts #sunghoon hard hours #sunghoon hard thoughts #sunghoon smut

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theprinceandthewitch · 1 year

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FTF is so fucking mindboggling to me because who thought it was a good idea to have Willow, Amity, Boscha and Kikimora eat up Luz's screentime? Especially Kikimora because why would you bring in another antagonist when you already have two of them [Philip and The Collector] running around?

If we operate under the assumption no one up top was responsible for some of these awful writing decisions... there was not a single person in that writing room who had enough common sense to say:

"Yeah look, I know it sucks Willow and Amity can't get any development before the show ends. And I know we have fans who want to see the side characters one last time. But we literally dont have the time to do it. We cant take time away from Luz's character arc. We still need to show Caleb and Evelyn so the parallels between them and Luz/Hunter make sense. We also need to show Caleb and Evelyn to contextualize Philip's actions. Luz, Hunter and Philip take top priority in this season because we dont have the time for anyone else. It's awful, but that's just the way it is. It's not a big deal anyway because we can include these minor characters in the timeskip at the end."

And why is Willow having this development with Hunter and not Amity? Dont get me wrong, giving Amity and Willow alot of screentime is still bad because they shouldn't take time away from Luz. But having this development with Amity is more logical than having it with Hunter because Amity was one of Willows bullies. She contributed to Willow's insecurities of being "half a witch". AND THEN instead of it being focused on Willows insecurities its also about HUNTER and how he couldn't tell Willow and Gus they were important to him? WHAT.

Hunter did not need to have this kind of development either by the way. Like the kid died and came back to life AND lost his companion in the previous episode... but of course he doesn't feel a certain type of way about what happened in TTT - his REAL issue is that he couldn't tell Gus and Willow they were important to him... WHAT. Also, you honestly expect me to believe Luz wouldn't try talking to Hunter after she literally saw him die and come back to life before her eyes? Or that Hunter wouldnt be concerned about Luz not coming out of the portal even though TTT established a deep bond between Luz and Hunter?

What was the purpose of going to The Owl House if nothing of value was there? Going to TOH would make sense if the memory tweezers were hidden away somewhere in the house, but theyre not. Everyone is just fucking around in the house and wasting time for no reason. You could have just had the tweezers be at the house and everyone have their important talks before they teleport inside the skull. All that school meandering bullshit could have been completely cut.

Speaking of cutting out stuff why wasn't Odalia cut from this episode? She does nothing and serves no purpose to the story. They make you think she might do something conniving in WAD but she actually does nothing. Just cut her completely. This episode is full of characters who's only purpose is to leech from Luz's LIMITED screentime.

Seriously FTF and WAD read like bad fix-it fanfics. Like someone read some garbage takes from twitter and tumblr and decided to "fix" TOH with the last two episodes.

#toh critical #literally the only good thing to come out of FTF were the Belos scenes

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yearningandpatheticaboutit · 27 days

Text

CHAPTER 15: A FAMILIAR FACE

warnings: smut, unprotected sex (wrap it), mentions of sa, mentions of violence, mentions of stalking, mentions of pedophilia.

wc: 6353

prev chapter

***

yaera

i wake up feeling the sun on my bare boobs. i didnt have a single dream last night, but i remember everything. my face feels stiff and puffy from crying but god, the rest of me feels like i just woke up from paradise.

san's arm is draped over my stomach. i look down at him and he's playing a game on his barely functional phone. i giggle seeing his fingers slide across the cracks and it makes him look up at me.

"oh you're awake. morning," he immediately sits up, taking his arm with him.

"morning," i mumble out and stretch my arms, and san's eyes immediately drift to my boobs. "you should really get a new phone."

san pulls his gaze away as if its a chore and looks down at his destroyed android. strands of his hair fall down his forehead majestically, and i cant help but stare. god every little thing about him turns me on.

"she's still up and running. i'll get a new one when she completely gives up on me."

i snort and sit up. "aren't you loyal? thats cute."

"not loyal, just broke."

i look at the money sprawled out on the floor, remembering how it fell out of my dress when he ripped it off of me. the flashbacks bring a smile to my face.

"not for long you wont be."

"so..." he awkwardly drawls. "last night–"

"we dont have to talk about it."

his face creases in confusion. "i thought you didnt want to pretend like it didnt happen?"

"we dont have to pretend like it didnt happen, but we dont have to talk about it now."

hes shirtless. frankly i know if we talk about what happened now, it'll open up a blackhole of conversations. like what happens next. and what about santo.

"we're gonna talk about it at some point right?" he presses, all serious suddenly. "because theres a lot of things...a lot happened last night. things im worried about."

i try to hide my discomfort with a smile. there are things i can easily talk about. my sister dying, how fucked up i am. but im not a fan of talking about my weak moments. i hate being weak infront of men. i know the position will stay that way after it all.

once they see you like that, weak and helpless, its all they'll ever see. i dont want san to see me like that.

"we'll talk about it. i promise. but what i want to know is...is it going to happen again?"

"is what going to–oh."

san's cheeks start reddening and he rubs the back of his head, exposing his massive bicep. his skin is so pretty. everything–everything is so pretty.

"it can happen again. as long as we dont get too carried away. i dont want to forget what this is really about."

honestly, i didnt hear much after hearing his first sentence. i move toward him and lightly stroke his chest with my fingers and his eyes darken. he clasps my wrist with his fist and i jump in my skin.

"im sorry–"

"are you trying to get fucked?" he asks, making my mouth drop open. but i catch myself quickly and smile.

"would that be so bad?"

"yes."

i pout. "and why is that?"

"because we both know once it happens, its not going to stop."

fuck, thats all i needed to hear. i sit up on my knees and inch closer to him, looking down at his pretty face. i take my other hand and stroke his face, lightly brushing the skin on his lips. he looks hypnotized.

"who says we have to stop, san?" i ask lowly. "we can do whatever the fuck we want."

"you want it now?"

"yes."

"fuck."

san pulls me onto his lap, making me yelp. in a second my thighs are wrapped around him and he starts rubbing circles on my nipples. he starts kissing them hungrily, occassionally grazing them with his teeth and sending shivers down my spine.

my core is pulsing in seconds. i go for his neck, sucking lightly and planting soft kisses all over. he reaches for the drawer in his nightstand and pulls out a condom. i stop midway and raise an eyebrow at him.

"so you're prepared huh?" i giggle. "i thought you were bitchless."

"and i am. i use them to clean my shoes," san mutters.

"wait, before you put that on," i slide back and plant myself between his legs, putting my finger on the band of his boxers. "may i?"

he nods wordlessly, his mouth parted erotically as i pull his dick from his boxers. its rock hard and fills my whole hand, the prettiest blend of pink and purple ive seen. its warm and pulses in my hands, the veins just bulging out like its starving. fuck.

i lower my mouth onto him, softly sucking the tip first before taking him in fully. his hands immediately go to my hair, his grip gentle as he holds it back. fuck this, im sucking the soul out of this man.

i keep my pace slow and torturous while massaging his rim, fighting a smile when he hisses and grips my hair tighter.

"fuck...why are you so good at this?" he moans, almost in disgust. i harden my lips and quicken my pace, savouring his taste till lines of drool run down my jaw. san lets out unholy whimpers, only making me go harder. i love having him so weak, so helpless from nothing but my mouth. i force him all the way to the back of my throat, occassionally rubbing him up against my palette. his thighs start to shiver and he pulls me off of him, bringing me up to his face.

he kisses me harshly, desperately, like hes trying his best to stop me from going again, his grip only tightening in my hair. i retract from the kiss, wiping the wetness from my jaw.

"why'd you make me stop?" i ask innocently. "was i not doing it well enough?"

"shut up, i know you're smug," he says breathlessly. "you know exactly what you're doing."

my hand is still around his shaft and i start stroking and squeezing. san throws his head back and looks at the ceiling. i give his tip a kitten lick and a shiver goes through him.

"you're so easy," i mock playfully. "all i have to do is use my mouth and you're helpless."

"oh really?" he asks hoarsely, his voice deep and fucking sexy. "lets see how easy you are then."

san grabs me under my arms, making me yelp as he flips me over. he drags my underwear off and tosses it somewhere, not even looking back. san erotically slips his fingers into my mouth, before slowly inching them inside me. a silent gasp falls from my lips and it feels like my body is curving inside out. san starts slowly pumping, my wetness soaking his fingers till they shine in the sun.

he continues laying down hot kisses all over my torso, eventually dragging his warm lips down to my core. without warning he drags his tongue up my slit, making me shiver.

"and im easy?" san mutters smugly. he doesnt even give me a moment to process things before he puts his lips back on me, pumping inside me with his fingers and tongue-fucking me all at once.

"san..." pathetic whimpers are tortured out of me, my hands gripping his hair as i struggle to hold it together.

"mmmm?" he hums against me, practically making out with my hole. "you taste so fucking good."

san's words make me clench my thighs around his head, locking his tongue inside of me. at this point he doesn't care. hes eating like a man that's been starved in a prison camp. my body is hotter than a laptop running minecraft. tight sensations are rippling through my legs and i know im close. but i dont stop him. i hedonistically indulge in everything hes giving me, just because im greedy. i want more.

san abruptly stops, my ever-climbing high hitting a wall. a desperate whine escapes me. "why'd you stop?"

"you're not coming until i've had you," he tells me, coming up to kiss me again. i can taste myself on him and no wonder he was so greedy with it.

san, while his lips are glued to mine, pushes my legs apart and slowly pushes his pulsing dick inside of me.

i feel his warmth through the condom, his girth filling me up and making me shiver. its been so long, its like im a virgin again. he doesnt move, just staring me down as i squeeze onto him. his breathing is heavy, his eyes remote. it looks like hes enjoying himself with just the feeling, but he doesnt know what to do with it.

"you tell me when to stop, okay?" he tells me softly. "you tell me if im hurting you."

if i wasnt so horny i would cry at how sweet he sounds. but unfortunately for him, in this moment in time, i would let choi san do anything to me.

"i want you to tear me apart," i force out.

san doesnt destroy me like i thought he would. instead he goes with slow, deep thrusts that make me feel all of him. his chest is pressed against mine, his breathing rough at my ear as my legs wrap around him. i get drunk on him, the room filling with squelching sounds as his pace grows steadier, still maintaining his depth.

i start to feel his strength on me as he goes harder. im crashing under him, the moans and whimpers forcing out of me embarrassingly loud. i dig my nails into his muscular back, kickstarting a pace that threatens to make me burst. san's hand tightly cups my hip as he goes harder, holding me in place as i take it.

his bed is screeching. i couldnt mutter any words aside from my lewd winces. all i wanted to know was why couldnt this happen sooner. fuck.

"this was what you wanted right?" san whispers to me, finally making eye contact. i know i look so fucked and desperate. "from the beginning?"

"san i-" i gasp as he lifts my knee to my chest, hitting deeper. i toss my head back and san starts kissing my neck, gently nibbling. the sensations are eating at me. i feel it pooling in my stomach. san starts rubbing me and fucking at the same time, and eventually i cream all over his fingers and cock.

but san doesnt stop. i feel like im going to cry out of happiness. he pauses to flip me over on my stomach, arching my ass slightly so he can slip it in from the back. the overstimulation makes me lightheaded but i dont stop him. san pumps himself into me till i feel him laying on my back, breathing hard and going lame. by the time its over, my drool is all over his sheets and my vision is blurry.

"fuck." is all i hear him say. fuck indeed, and fuck we did.

***

i didnt allow for that awkward conversation to happen after. as soon as we were done, i got dressed and made for my way home. san gave me a blank stare when i left, his face trying to convey emotions but failing miserably. when i got home, he texted me and i felt my stomach turn.

sannie: you running away from me?

not from him. but from his questions. and what would come next.

i have issues with intimacy. major issues. i tried working on it, always thinking about it did nothing. all it did was make me realize how undateable i am. because ive never tried to date anyone ive never had a poor soul to inconvenience.

san and i werent a couple, fuck, we werent even exclusive. but i could tell that i was about to become his problem.

i stood in the foyer of my house, barefoot as i debated what i should send back to him.

me: nope, relax. just dealing with family.

he replies almost instantly.

sannie: OK. when can i see you again?

me: relax you horndog. you have one piece and now you're getting greedy

sannie: Don't call me that. i mean so we can take those photos back to my contact. dont you want to know whos been seeing your sister?

my eyes freeze at the message. getting my back blown out completely made me forget about that. even with the money we made off that deal i wasnt even thinking about it.

me: i probably wont be able to do today. monday?

sannie: I'll arrange it.

me: thank you

san leaves me on read after that and i find myself staring at my phone. at his contact. i finally got what i wanted. we slept together, i feel better. but why do i feel...weird.

maybe i wasnt supposed to do it right after santo tried assaulting me. but san was the only thing that made me forget. i didnt even know what i was going to do about him. i wanted to tell someone, anyone. but these people wouldnt care, or do anything about it.

my only choice was to make my money and get the fuck out. i snuck up into my room and put the money i made into my box in the wall and sealed it off again. as i come out of the closet, my mother sits on my bed analysing my entire body.

i jump in my skin. "hey...mama."

she gives me a deep frown. "i thought you said you werent feeling well. but you come back this time?"

"i slept over at a friends house. i took some pills and knocked out for a long time."

"i cant understand whats wrong with you, yaera. are you doing drugs?"

my jaw drops. "what? why would you ask that?"

she shakes her head at me with both pity and disgust. "i cant explain it. but you do not look like yourself. you look ill. please go in the shower and fix yourself."

maybe i look fucked up because i was almost assaulted by your business partner. i want to say it but i hold my tongue. what will she do? what has she ever done to help me?

"its almost her birthday," i tell my mother before she walks out. she pauses at the door and doesnt look at me.

guilt. i hate feeling it. but i'd weaponise it if i had to. its one of my few weapons against my parents that work today. its one of the things that never cease to effect. deep down i know they feel guilty, and it must be about a lot of things because anything silences them off.

"you mean its almost your birthday," my mother mutters. i see her force a smile as she leaves, still never turning back to look me in the eyes.

i go and take out my clothes to wear for the day when my phone suddenly rings. i dont recognize the number. i pick it up reluctantly, pressing the phone to my cheek with my shoulder.

"hello?"

"tesoro?"

i freeze when i hear his voice. my chest starts to stiffen, feeling like the veins and arteries under there are tangling themselves.

"im so sorry for last night. i dont know what came over me...i want you to want it. and im more than willing to wait for you, im sorry tesoro. i will not harm you again..." he says, all in italian.

my phone shivers along with my hand. my voice is clogged in my throat and it feels like the room is spinning.

i pull my voice from the depths, feeling my eyes burning as they threaten to gush. "go fucking kill yourself, santo. die and burn in fucking hell you scum."

i click off the phone and it immediately starts ringing again. i block the number like i blocked all the others and slide down my wall in defeat. im exhausted.

i dont hear from him after that. and when monday comes i've inhaled too much nicotine to care. my hands keep smelling like tobacco and i'll admit, its not the best ive smelled in my life.

i freeze when i see san in the parking lot. i dont know why, it makes sense that he should be there. hes always there. but its so weird now.

apparently im the only one that feels that way. san marches up to me, grabs my arm and pulls me aside a wall like hes trying to hide from someone. i look at him in confusion.

"some weird shit is going on, seriously," he tells me with a low voice. "you wont believe what just happened."

"what happened?" if something weirds san out then it must be weird as fuck.

"jongho," the way san breathes his name is heavy. i immediately tense up.

"is it about the party? did he try to fight you again?"

"no. he offered me money. for the pictures we took from him."

he wants his stalker pictures back. hearing that alone makes me want to taze him in the side of his head, hoping he never wakes up again. but the other part of me thinks smarter.

"what did you say?" i ask him. san looks at me like im crazy.

"i said no obviously. its your sisters pictures," he scowls at me.

i know jongho does anything to get what he wants. "how much money did he offer you?"

san sighs. "a lot. like a load."

"under 10k?"

"yeah, but not far off from it."

i go silent. with the money we made off the drugs and the money wooyoung stole from those other gangsters, san was almost at his target for the drugs he failed to sell.

"yaera, please dont tell me you're thinking of it," san scoffs, shaking his head at me. "those are your sisters pictures. and we still have to ask my contact to develop them to see who the guy in the pictures is."

"we're going today right? give him the pictures when we're done with it." i decide.

san stares at me in disbelief, but i've made up my mind. "i dont want those pictures. they might be of her, but i dont want to see her like that. i dont wanna look at her through his eyes. might as well get money out of it. that way you can pay off your drug debt and we can keep the rest of the rosies to ourselves."

"you know that isnt where it ends, right?" san checks me. "i pay off that debt, Miss A gives me another assignment, and then its the next thing...and another thing after that. this is my life, yaera. i cant just get away from it."

with the way he spoke, it sounded like he was trying to crush my hope. i wasnt aware i had any.

i say nothing and san sighs, leaning back against the wall. "top it all off, i still havent heard from wooyoung. since saturday."

that was ominous. wooyoung took off in such a hurry, the fact that he hasnt let san know anything is unsettling.

"wanna go around to his place then? after we see your contact?" i suggest.

san scrunches his face, i know he doesnt like the idea of me tagging along.

"i think its better if you hang back for that. wooyoung stays with other gangsters. i dont want them seeing you...you already know how that went last time."

ah, yes. our first meeting. what memories.

"we'll find him," i reassure him, but it doesnt look like my words are getting taken to heart. it starts getting awkward just lingering there, and i cant believe that san and i slept together.

we're standing here, just existing. we have no business with each other, none at all. not long ago he wanted nothing to do with me. then we went and did...that.

its going to happen again, i know it. am i wrong for wanting it to happen really soon? sooner than is appropriate?

san clears his throat and gets up from against the wall. "well...see you in bio, marino."

i dont greet back, and instead just offer a quick smile. its like he just read my thoughts.

i end up seeing san at lunch first. i get bored from existing by myself. funny thing is, yeosangs not at school. he must have gotten the shit scared out of him. the jocks that beat up san and wooyoung are also out of the equation, completely avoiding san's existence and steering clear with their bruised faces.

san is at the abandoned stairwell and i plop down next to him on the step. he jumps out of the daze he was in, turning to look at me with surprised eyes.

"hey," he says softly. san being soft?

"why do you sound so delicate?" i tease him. "is it because you saw my boobies?"

san jumps up and hides his face out of embarrassment. "oh my god, did you come here to terrorize me? im not being weird, you're being weird."

"all i did was ask a question," i feign innocence.

san turns around and tries to put on a stern face, but he looks like a tomato. i cant take him seriously. i guess now i can tell my mother that i DID in fact sleep with him.

i get up from my seat and plant myself infront of san, feeling devious. "wanna sneak off into the bathroom?" i test him.

"i dont have condoms here," he tells me. "also really? at school?"

"i dont respect this building," i shrug. "and they have condoms in the girls bathroom. they care about us being safe."

"of course you don't care about this school, you can drop out and you'll be fine," san says. "i, however, could get expelled and my life would be over."

agh. now hes just making me feel guilty. i want to tell him to forget about it, but san picks up his bag and heads down the stairs. he stops at the last step and looks up expectantly. "well, are you coming or what?" he snaps.

fuck this guy. i fight the smile as i get my bag off the ground and follow after him.

***

we sneak into the girls bathroom, with me going in first to check if its clear. when him done, i calls him in and i slip into the last stall. san follows behind me, locking the door.

we throw our bags down on the floor, a brief pause between us where we just stare at each other. san's eyes immediately drift to my lips and he leans in slowly, making the softest contact.

its soft and delicate, and of course i turn it into something animalistic. he gives me fluttery kisses and i take in more and more till im completely devouring his face. his body presses me against the wall, and san's hand reaches up under my skirt and gives one hard tug to my underwear.

it drops to my ankles, and so does he. san sits on his knees, lifts my skirt and drags his tongue up my slit. i shiver at his hot mouth, immediately spreading my legs like a whore. he gives me warm kitten licks that quickly turn into him sucking on my hole. i throw my head back and stare at the ceiling, feeling my soul slowly leaving my body. this is fucking it. this is the closest to heaven im ever gonna get.

the motion is rhythmic and neat and its not too long before my legs start feeling weak. san backs up and sits down on the toilet seat, unbuckling his pants. i hover over him and he pulls me by my tie, making me plop down on his lap just so he can make out with me again.

san grips my hair as he kisses my lips, and i can taste myself all over his tongue. i lift myself slightly so i can pull down his pants, and i slide myself across his throbbing boner. i moan into his mouth at how warm it feels against me, then slowly inch myself onto it.

san abruptly stops, a pained look on his face. "wait...i didnt put the condom on." he whispers.

"lets do it like this, just this once," i say, then plant a kiss on his lips. "come on, you know how it feels with one...why dont you see how it feels without it?"

san tosses his head back in sexual agony and i know i've got him. "you're bad news, marino. really."

san plants his hands into my ass when i start moving, his eyes squeezing shut as i clench on him everytime he thrusts inside me. i grip the sides of the bathroom wall, looking down at him like a god as i sink and rise on him slowly. i can feel every inch of him, our combined heat and throbbing causing the inside of my thighs to be a sloppy mess. when i move too slow for his liking, san bucks his hips into me, making me gasp emptily.

he feels so fucking good. and im not even ovulating. i struggle to hold back my helpless whimpering and san is forced to cover my mouth as his cock rams into me harder with each blow. san widens his leg so i sink down deeper with each thrust, putting his hand out on my clit to rub small, quick circles over it. everything is fast and messy and rushed, making me lose all sense of being. with stimulation coming in at all sides, it feels like im going to burst apart.

he fucks into me at a pace that makes me want to cry and all i can do is place my head against his chest, hopelessly taking it all. someone walking into the bathroom makes san pause mid-stroke, and the person hangs around for an infuriating period of time. they're not even using the bathroom, but its enough to take the energy out of san.

when the person leaves, he gives me a few lazy pumps that feel tame compared to the way he was aggressively slamming into me. i lean in to kiss him one last time, leisurely parting my mouth with his before i finally get off and slip him out of me.

"thanks for reading that i dont wanna take the risk. we can continue this another time," san whispers, pulling himself and his clothes together. i adjust his school tie and shirt, it has massive creases on it from me gripping onto him.

i smile as i fix myself as well. "you wanna continue later on, you say? looks like someone cant get enough of me," i smirk, and san gives me a subtle smile that says more than it needs to.

i know i shouldnt be surprised that san likes fucking me, because after all, hes still a man. its more of a compliment because its him and ive been dying to get in his pants since day one, and i wanted more than just to be in his drug pockets.

i go out and make sure the coast is clear for san to slip out of the bathroom undetected, thereafter i go pee and reapply my make up in the mirror.

***

san

the past few days have not been real at all. apparently im the kind of guy that just fucks in public bathrooms now. i know my mother would probably get a heart attack if she were here.

why am i acting like an animal? i feel disgusting. i AM disgusting. especially because i would definetely do it again.

this time it feels different. maybe because i get to choose the girl and it isnt some random woman Miss A throws at me. i cant rationalize it in my head, knowing that its yaera.

i swear, it wasnt too long ago that i wanted to punt her into the sun for blackmailing me. i think ive gone soft. yet somehow my dick hasnt. she got off me just in time, but my boner still hasnt subsided. its embarrassing and i constantly have to readjust. it barely goes away throughout the day because i keep having flashbacks to her gripping onto me and it drives me insane.

i almost forget about everything else. i remember to call wooyoung again and he doesnt answer. it makes me horrifically worried. hes never gone this long without calling me. i hope he hasnt gotten himself into more bullshit.

when the day ends, yaera and i take the bus to my apartment, where we walk to ningning's tattoo shop after.

yaera is visibly disgusted by the slums but tries to appear nonchalant. she stares too long at the homeless people, she narrows her eyes at the weird grafitti on the walls and absentmindedly holds onto my bicep when we walk. now that i know what she's running from, i dont question why she willingly puts herself in these situations. what she's running from is so much worse. its an internal hell.

the fact that she still hasnt spoken about it bothers me but i dont want to force things. but it would settle me on the inside to know how she feels in general. aside from sex, she's extremely emotionally closed off.

ningning opens the shop after we knock and yaera's eyes go wide when we step inside. ningning shoots me a shocked glance when she sees yaera. "wow, san, a girl? i thought you were gay. or are you just doing me a service by promoting the shop?" she says, making yaera suppress a snort.

i scowl. "you know those pictures you analyzed for me last time? i need one or two developed."

"alright. im ningning, by the way, and you are?" she ignores me and smiles at yaera.

yaera turns to me, checking if she can introduce herself. i nod. "im yaera. cool shop by the way. and sick tattoos."

"thank you!" ningning gushes as we start to walk. "you have any? or do you want any?"

"i'd like a dragon on my back."

"a dragon? wow, that's hot. does it mean anything?"

"it means i get to look hot during sex."

ningning and yaera start giggling and socially exclude me by talking about random things. i check my phone compulsively to see if i got anything from wooyoung but shit is still radiosilent.

"ningning, have you heard from wooyoung lately?" i ask her when we get down in the basement.

"no i havent...but shouldnt you know where he is?" ningning frowns at me, then plops down at her computer. "you know, i thought you'd go into hiding with some of the stuff thats happened recently. its not safe out anymore."

"what do you mean not safe anymore?"

ningning gasps. "you dont know?"

"obviously not, why else would i ask?"

ningning turns slowly in her spinning chair, giving me a dark look. "word on the street is that one of the worst black dragon got out of jail. and he's gonna make shit worse for the 105ths. after he got out of jail, a warehouse at the port got set on fire and a bunch of people died."

i feel the heat leaving my skin all at once. now i know i have to go see Miss A. but i cant go empty handed. i know what this is about and thats the worst thing. if wooyoung's fate is being debated in that garage, i need to at least have all her money to soothe the situation.

"maybe thats why wooyoung isnt calling," ningning offered, but her voice was awkward. "they probably need him to retaliate."

"he'd tell me," i told her, but i wasnt so sure about that. wooyoung could be handling this all by himself because he feels responsible.

i stop talking about it because i feel immensely unsettled. yaera gently rubs my arm and stands close to me, making me feel somewhat comforted. i cant hide how i feel on my face right now and i know it. more black dragon drama, fuck. like i need a gang war in my last year.

"now you just turn up the exposure..." ningning muttered, the picture of yaera's sister and the mystery guy was on the screen and it suddenly brightened. yaera's hand drops from my arm when she sees the man's face.

"im so fucking dumb," she whispers.

i immediately go to hug her. she puts her head in my chest and squeezes me tightly, as if holding me will stop her from bursting into tears.

"you're not stupid." i tell her. "if he could do that to you...who knows what he did to her?"

ningning blinks between the two of us in confusion. "is everything okay?"

"please get those printed, ningning," i tell her. "we're taking it to the police."

yaera shakes her head and pulls away. "no, we can't. it wont do anything."

"what do you mean? we know santo's been grooming your sister now and he probably killed her too!"

yaera squeezes her eyes shut and starts trembling. "it couldnt have been him because he was in Italy at the time. he was having a very public show. i cant believe its him, i feel so stupid. of course he didnt leave her alone. hes probably the reason she could never be with jongho. she was in LOVE with him. this is why i felt like i couldnt tell her he tried touching me...she was too fond of him."

yaera starts taking hard gulps and i think its time to go. i take out my wallet and give ningning her money and she hurriedly goes to print the pictures. yaera paces around the room and starts shaking her hands and i cant tell if she wants to cry or punch the wall.

"shes the reason he projected everything onto me," she mutters, sounding spiteful. "she LOVED that son of a bitch."

"you dont know that, yaera," i tell her. "your sister was a kid too. and you dont know when she started seeing him."

yaera stops and stares at the wall hauntingly. "i do. it had to be after i stopped being a model. after he touched me i dropped everything. then she started doing it and its like she wasnt the same. he went for her after he ruined me."

ningning returns with the printed pictures and i take them instead of yaera. i pull her out of ningning's shop with me and ningning shoots me a worried look. i cant believe we have to go see jongho after this. as if the night isnt bad enough.

when i get into the van, shes silent. shes staring ahead with an emotionless look on her face. i dont start driving immediately, reaching out for her arm instead.

"hey. i know this is heavy but now you have a reason to never go back. you can tell your parents, you have proof."

silence.

"do you still wanna go see jongho? i think you should go home, yae."

"no. lets get your money."

i sigh and start the van, and the drive is cold and quiet. i try to turn on some music but it reminds me of wooyoung and that makes me worry about him even more so i turn the whole radio off. we stop infront of jongho's house and i dont feel like going up his creepy vampire mansion so i make no move to get out. after a few minutes of standing he eventually comes running up to the car window in a navy gown and slippers with a folder to his side.

"if anything is missing in this, i'll send guards to come collect my funds." jongho says. he pauses for a second when he sees yaera in the passenger, she doesnt look at him once.

i give him back his file full of creepy pictures and his camera, having deleted none of whats on it. luckily yaera and i both transfered everything to spare usbs. just in case.

jongho passes me the folder and i hand it to yaera, who immediately starts counting the money. she nods, giving me the heads up that everything is there.

"i have a question for you," i tell jongho. he scowls at me like he doesnt have time for this but makes no budge to move.

"did you and yeosang attack me at the port?"

"what?" jongho scoffs. "why would we be anywhere near there? and why would we attack you?"

"because you've attacked me before."

"that's because you didnt know your place. you took what was mine and you were depriving yeosang from his hobbies."

so it wasnt them. that makes things worse, because i hoped it would be. jongho had no reason to lie now.

i roll up the window and jongho leaves back through his fancy gates. i stay parked for a few minutes, comprehending how fucked up this could get.

i pull out my phone and open the latest news. ive always had to do this to make sure none of the shit i did for Miss A made it into the papers.

but this is big. it doesnt even take me long to find it. with his big time lawyer, black dragon member hongjoong is out of jail due to half the evidence they had against him being inadmissable. now hes roaming the streets, after being suspected of seven murders.

i look at the date. hes been out since wooyoung and i got yunho killed.

***

NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: This reveal HAD TO BE OBVIOUSSS SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE GUYS IVE BEEN FCKING GOIJG THROUGH IT MY LIFE IS HORRIBLE RN BUT HERES THE CHAPTER HOPE U GUYS LIKE IT..ILYYY THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE THATS BEEN SUPPORTING THE STORY. OH AND FREE PALESTINE 🇵🇸

#ateez angst #ateez imagines #choi san angst #ateez fanfic #ateez fic #ateez smut #ateez crime au #ateez gang au #choi san smut #choi jongho #ateez ot8 fic #ateez x reader #san ateez

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madfoxx · 9 months

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listen i loved s2 as much as the next guy but some of the plotholes are just hilarious to me because they employ the fanfiction logic of “i want this scenario to happen so it will just happen” and i feel people aren´t talking about it enough, so here are some of the things that made me go “oh, no beta read huh.”:

1) first question: why the fuck did gabriel delete his memory?? seriously though, i havent seen one single post about this, but i just dont understand!? So, heaven threatens to fire gabriel and delete his memory, which, okay, bad news. and then his solution is to....delete his own memory for them, so now he doesnt remember his own name let alone the love of his life, beelzebub, who he planned to run away with?? WHY??? he left heaven immediately afterwards anyways it literally made no sense and just caused major problems for everyone involved. But i guess the answer is: we needed him to have no memory for the story to happen so that makes sense by ao3 standarts

2) on a related note, why was he naked?? he could have just speedwalked outta heaven in his suit with the matchbox in his pocket, so why strip down?? Again, no reason, but arent you glad we got to see john hamms naked butt, so lets pin that on gabriel being an sweet dumb himbo maybe

3) also, how did he find aziraphales shop while not even remembering his own name? Dont know dont care, googlemaps probably.

4) not really a plothole, but that whole Maggie and Nina getting locked in the bookshop thing was the tropiest trope they pulled this season and it didnt even work because we got nothing from that scene, not even one hearfelt deep conversation

5) this one is a bit pedantic, but how is it that a demon with magical powers has to live in his car? i guess its a character thing and we need to see him at his lowest point but he could literally just miracle himself an enormous pot of gold if he wanted to

6) why would beelzebub order an attack on the bookshop and risk gabriels life? why didnt they simply explain the situation to aziraphale & crowley? well you see we didnt want the story to be over after 1 episode and also we needed a finale of some sort.

7) i mean the whole attack on the bookshop was just....a thing that happened i guess. kinda strange the demons (especially shax who seems to have at least 1 spare braincell) would dare to kidnap an archangel in the first place. isnt he like, insanely powerful? and they didnt even know he lost his memory, so to them he was just an archangel hanging out on earth because he wanted to. how did they think storming the bookshop and taking him prisoner would go down?

8) tbh i dont really understand why heaven wanted gabriel back so much they would threaten to destroy anyone helping him and then....they just let him just go without any problems whatsoever? feels incredibly anticlimactic and illogical to me but i suppose the season needed some kind of threat to make the romantic elements work

9) this might actually get resolved in s3 but i cant believe Upstairs wants aziraphale - an angel who spend years deceiving heaven and overall just sucked at his job because he was too busy trying to fuck a demon - they want him to be the new supreme archangel of heaven. he literally stopped the last apocalypse a couple of days ago and now he´s in charge of armageddon 2.0? that´ll for sure take some explaining!

there´s a lot more stuff, but these are the most obvious things that have been on my mind since s2 aired. i also want to reiterate that i do love many things about this season despite the writing being all over the place. and no, i dont believe that all inconsistencies will be magically explained away by s3. i think it boils down to neil gaiman saying “lets make a big budget 6 chapter fanfic so david tennant and michael sheen can kiss each other on the mouth. also not beta we die like eric the disposable demon” and i can respect that.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #gos2 #gos2 spoilers #ineffable husbands #gabriel

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buniyaad · 9 months

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I’m not a BruceBabs shipper but people who get so scandalized by it or any other non-DickBabs ships are so annoying. And it’s usually Oracle fans who think the only people only like something else is because they are anti Babs. Babs used to be married to Bruce in the Superman universe and has even dated Clark Kent. They were literally only 3-4 years apart compared to Barbara and Dick who are 6-7 years apart and Barbara was literally older than Talia al Ghul at one point. DickBabs always is held to like this moral standard but honestly to me it’s like the writers settled for the the most boring and safest option which sucks because I wish that the one canonically disabled wheelchair user that DC has would have had a grand romance but yet… like it grates on me that when fans talk about reasons to like DickBabs it is because it’s a disabled woman in a relationship but like she would be a disabled woman in a relationship in whatever relationship she was in because she is a disabled woman. I don’t care for DickBabs and I honestly don’t even care for the age gap like let Babs have a younger guy and have fun, but the ship itself is just boring to me. Anybody else but that please.

i think the biggest mistake was to downgrade babs down to a dick’s contemporary when there were a hundred other ways (albeit none of them even slightly appropriate 😂) to get to the dickbabs agenda, but like, none of it was leveraged…. it’s always irked me, personally, bc there was nothing cookie cutter about their romance to begin with, and there were multiple layers of complexity that didn’t directly involve bruce getting between them, but i feel like in the current era, most of what made them dickbabs even remotely complex was straight up eliminated and or sterilized…. For what? for dick and barbara to be each other’s halal soulmate? forgive my language, but their relarionship’s entire conception was haram 😂 erasing and downplaying what made their relationship ‘theirs’ does nothing but diminish their personal histories and the fact that they each literally brought out the worst in each other at times.

and it’s not to say either are or were perfect. they are not. they are so fucked up i have to actually laugh bc they are both my mentally ill babus and i truly wish dc creative slt could SEE that they can be their best weirdo selves WITHOUT falling into the trap of reducing them to the kind of couple conservatives love to tout as “true love” when we know the only true love in dc comics is kon el and bart allen. also, break dickbabs up 5ever!

and ur absolutely right that babs deserves her fun! personally, i think brubabs is the answer to freeing selina kyle from all the straight woman allegations (i would like her to peacefully fuck other men abd women for at least ten years without hearing a single word about broose) and barbara from the dick-is-your-soulmate garbage. reality is that dickbabs has been as bust as dickkory for the last nine million years (as much as i love dickkory muah muah). one of my biggest critiques of dc comics writing is that motherfuckers cant commit to a character development point for their life. we were over both dickkory and dickbabs in 2010. not bc people didn’t enjoy their ships, but bc the writing staffs went out of their way to slander every single character. i recently saw a post that dickkory only looks good in elseworlds stories cuz the main comic runs fucked his ass UP. and i agree! the same should be applied to dickbabs, bc they lost their appeal eons ago as well. they want nightwing’s ass ate so damn bad, they need to get him a new girlfriend. a boyfriend, even! but leave babs and kory out of it 😭😭😭

Inshallah, hopefully dc creative SLT will understand the great fuckup they’re committing these days. if i cant get brubabs, i would like to see barbara go on a lil date with one of the many beautiful men and women in gotham. if she slept with selina, i would support it.

#this is not a dick hatepost i love dick i just want him outta women’s business for a few years #anti dickbabs #barbara gordon #brubabs #dc comics #real talk

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middleschoolfursona · 5 months

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literal tears are running down my face as i scroll thru your blog. on it it it feels like im back home.

i just wanna go back man. i just wanna be a kid running around on feralheart and drawing my ocs again and watching silly movies with my friends. it feels like im living a lie every single day of my life since then.

it hurts and fills me with so much shame to say that i feel like a kid, like i stopped mentally aging in like 2012, 2014 at the latest. the dysphoria is strangling. i dont want to describe it but yeah it sucks so bad.

i cant tell anyone in my life this in detail. cus i can feel the callouts. the sneers. the performative disgust. the gleeful hatred. everyone turning on me and making me into a joke. but this experience is so viscerally terrible and real and i cant just get over it and i cant choose to get better. i hate it.

youre the first person ive ever seen who seemed like theyd actually understand and its just overwhelming bcus it felt like i was completely alone. so i just wanted to say thanks for the catharsis of showing me im not beyond understanding. but im sorry if this is all selfish or upsetting. the last thing i wanna do is hurt or upset anyone, so feel free to ignore and delete.

thank you for ur blog and i hope you have a great day/week/month/year/life/forever <3

anon, im so so sorry i didnt answer this one sooner. i kept thinking, "when i get on desktop" but i never ended up back on desktop until i got this new monitor (win!)

i totally feel you, im glad i can bring you (though maybe bittersweet) comfort.

dysphoria and even feelings of 'transness' in places of identity other than gender and sex absolutely exist and are valid, and its really too bad its so stigmatized. you have my <3 and you have my thoughts. its tough, and theres more of us than youd think, hopefully, its an amount that comforts you... and i hope, you can find people who relate to you and you can share trust with and happy memories.

"performative disgust' is a topic i bring up a lot in this kinda discoursing. if i may, its pretty western too.. the need to be combative causes a strange sort of lash-out-culture, where people arent even neccisarily uninformed, its a lack of desire to be informed at all, and instead perform hatred for the acknowledgement of their peers. id know. it was me once. terrible and toxic situation, but its eaten the internet in many spaces....

its tough feeling trapped, unable to move forwards and feeling like youre "wrong". being disabled and growing up disabled makes those kinds of remarks and implications said by some people extra painful to me. and i know lots of us who feel dysphoria surrounding our facets of the self, both gender or non-gender, are neurodivergant as well, and as someone who was in special education, and then my school dropped me by force because i just "wouldnt" do my math, i know how painful it can feel both inside, but then to come forward and have people act like "just move forward" "just understand" "well you can never go back so just be here instead"... its painful.

i hope that between the time you sent this and now, youvbe found someone to be open to... if not, you can send me your discord off anon (wont pub) and we can chat there if you need it... youre certainly not alone anon, just the haters want you to feel that way. dont give in. do your best!

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red-dyed-sarumane · 13 days

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what are some cool games u have played? dont matter if u mentioned before. tell me again tell me again :D

uhh hmm.

well okami is my all time favorite the art & the music & the message/story are all just incredible theres not a single time ive finished it i havent cried. i absolutely adore ryoshima coast ive spent so many hours just running around there to listen to music. which fun fact for u i only know about this game bc in about 6th grade i picked up okamiden bc i thought the little doggy was cute & was like fine i'll play as this boy if i get a cool dog and u cannot imagine how excited i was to find out u DID play as the little dog. i was SOOOOO obsessed literally my exact thoughts were 'if issun is ammy's celestial envoy then i am going to be chibis' i have a metric fuck ton of fan art i did at the time bc i thought it was quote "the epic-est game for ds ever" also cried every time i finished it. i was 13 so i didnt know what "being down bad" was but do know i was as obsessed with kurow as i was with d-ne later and now tenshi not a single irl friend was unaware i was in love with him. also fun fact for u bc at the same time i was also getting super into vocaloid i was so convinced my vocap name would end up as chibiP to the point i named myself that in pkmn x chibiP after chibiterasu of course. please enjoy my banger old art which is not even a fraction of my output

yume nikki is my next favorite game specifically the og that changed my brain chemistry as a kid. i adore that game so much its hard to put it into words. its just so unlike anything else. there is absolutely nothing in the game that can directly harm u theres no real health meter theres no way to die during the main play the absolute worst that will ever happen is u get stuck or woken up. in a horror game. which is already just amazing. and the whole horror aspect just plays on something i dont think is often done as well in many other things. ur alone. u wander and wander thru worlds that loop and connect and seemingly have nothing to do with each other. theres no dialogue; talking to npcs just gets u a noise or animation at best. ur entirely alone with just urself. its all dreams so u know everything is of madotsuki's own creation, another layer to the all u have is urself feeling. the art is just unusual i cant even say any of it on its own is in anyway scary. the whole thing shouldnt be scary and yet every time i start wandering in a world i cant help but feel unease. amazing 10/10 no other game will ever have what this gave me.

everyone knows i play pkmn the best is still pmd sky that also rewired my brain i still cant play it without crying.

its been a long time since i was really just playing it as the chapters released & got translated but 1bitheart is so so so important to me too. i dont kin for multiple reasons but if i did nanashi would be my first choice. like- without saying that to her i got my one irl friend to play once & when she saw how nanashi was she turned to me and went "this is just you" hes very important to me even now. absolutely loved the whole friendship sim & the story & its twists & the endings & their implications left me in shambles at 1 am on a school night. my fave charas are nanashi enri & saaya btw. i should replay this.

i also love the etrian odyssey series i love the character portraits (esp with the more recent games' color customization) i LOVE the dungeon art & i think all the monster designs are so cool. adore the whole make ur own map aspect keeps me so entertained to take a step & look around & chart all the walls & path ways. unfortunately i fucking suck at every single one i am not very good at strategy games so i end up stuck at or before the 3rd stratum. but thats okay its still fun to me.

the other one i'll talk about at length is spirit of the north another game i loved the art of. u play as a fox & get a partner spirit fox & i just love it SOOOO much. its also a game with 0 dialogue but theres A Lot going on it if u care to follow along & explore & dig into details & the game play is also pretty fun to me. this is the one game i started learning the speedrun btw thats also a very fun way to play it but ABSOLUTELY play it as intended first it has so much to offer

aaaand special mentions to omori, oneshot, witch's house, mermaid swamp, corpse party, & limbus company

#asks #kuki #idk if id say omori was good storywise but it WAS fun & i loved the portrayal of escapism #i love the ethical dilemma of oneshot #everyone loves witchs house. tragic story.#there was something in particular about mermaid swamp that made it memorable but i have to play it again its been years #corpse party also hits on something in the 'ur alone and trapped' feeling that i really like. cant say its actually good tho #& limbus is so fucking hard FUCK the spicebush fight PLEASE just let me overlevel w corp ryoshu so she can sweep & i can progress-#ah but the story is equal levels fucked up & horrifying and also the funniest thing i have ever read in my life. emotional whiplash. love i #i also played the mogeko games in high school those were something. i really liked memoca from wadanohara & moge-ko from mogeko castle #im not actually a gamer sorry i dont play much. i mostly just play pkmn #and proseka. but i dont care about anyone but 25ji & i cant read their stories bc they trigger me so i just tappy tap to songs #this reminds me i still have to catch up on hte maigoen game. wasnt doing well when it released but i might be able to handle that now #the. kanata chapter i think it is. i played the others. bgm is always so good thank u nilfruits im pretty sure thats who does it #and of course as soon as kamitsubaki city ensemble releases i will be playing that. & u will be hearing about it #bc ill get mad they make rime & friends cry #thisbis so long sorry

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smute · 1 year

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so i read boulle's planet of the apes the other day and now im watching the first movie and i cant believe how illogical it is. like, okay. so first of all, i was surprised to see this much naked ass in an american film from the 60s. i was wondering how they'd deal with the "soror humans wrecked our shit" situation and so i was very pleased to see that they simply had charlton heston get naked lmao. okay. so far so good. then we see the soror humans, wearing tarzan-esque loincloths and bikini ensembles. disappointing but, once again, not shocking since this is an american movie from the 60s. no areolas for you here. it doesnt exactly help the animal image but this is hollywood after all. we can ignore this one. but then... oh boy. fast forward a few minutes and the chimp doctor points out how remarkable it is that charlton heston is dressing himself in an old blanket. BITCH THEY'RE ALL DRESSED IN OLD BLANKETS WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT. "oh look now he's moving his fingers" THEY'RE ALL USING THEIR HANDS ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!! WTF!!! ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE ONE OF THE LEADING SCIENTISTS ON THE PLANET. anyway. i still have an hour left but so far its very disappointing. basically it seems like they just put a buncha people in monkey make up and then ignored EVERY single plot point from the book that makes the idea of an ape dominated mirror world so fascinating. like the fact that the soror humans arent simply mute but that they make ANIMAL NOISES like, noises that are so foreign to our ears that they terrify the earth humans in the book. the fact that the soror humans are terrified by clothing and speech and. god. im sorry but the fact that they're naked is also pretty significant imo. the whole idea is that they're animals who eat and sleep and do NOTHING ELSE. anyway. the fact that in the book they tear a dead animal to shreds like actual predators. the fact that they snarl and bare their teeth. the fact that later in the lab they eat out of bowls and troughs. like all of that is missing in the movie and it makes it a lot less convincing. i know it always sucks to compare a movie to the novel its based on, youre almost bound to be disappointed. but its not like all that stuff wouldve been difficult to do on screen. it just strikes me as a bunch of bad creative choices. even the nudity would not have been impossible to do. like, at one point you see charlton heston running through the undergrowth as the camera pans around him and somehow they make sure that his junk is covered by a leaf or some sort of greenery at all times. its impressive.

also, charlton heston looks like he could be 35 or 52 or 80 and theres no way to know for sure

#&#planet of the apes

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kitsugami · 10 days

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GRGRGGFGH ok so bioshock right. Well eleanor lamb is from bioshock 2 but the base knowleghe you need of bioshock is that This Motherfucker made a city underwater bc he sucks ass. and used the final pam morals of No Rules Just Right. WELL they discover The Slug That Gives You Superpowers and go hrmm how could we make a profit from this (the city is capitlism world except its worse than captilism bc the guy thought american captilism was Too good to poor people) anyway so they figure out if they put the slug in little girls they can make super power drugs. WELL now they have a bunch of freakish little girls running around and people keep killing the little girls to get the drugs which is No Bueno. so theyre like “hey!! lets take our prisoners and brainwash them so heavily they genuinely cant think of anything Except protecting the girls!” yay! ok so this chick Sofia Lamb comes to rapture to be an awesome psychiatrist who loves to help poor people and also shes a single mom. Well andrew ryan the guy who made the city is like hrm. helping poor people is bad. and has her arrested. and then custody of her daughter Eleanor goes to this other chick who Loses Her Immediately and now shes being taken care of by this other guy whos like man fuck them kids and sells eleanor to the little sister orphanage which is really a sort of factory to make the freak girls. except this is Before they figure out the “brainwash prisoners to protect the girls” so theyre still figuring that out. WELL they figure it out by expirimenting on this one guy Yay! so they do it some more to other guys and As It Turns Out if the brainwash dudes get seperated from their little sister too long they either Die or Go Insane oh fuck! anyway back to subject delta whos the first guy to have that bond and eleanor the first one to. also have that bond. ok so now eleanor is Really attatched to subject delta and calls him her father also shes like 7 years old. anyway so theyre chilling Yayy! except her mother sofia lamb escapes from prison and is like fuck youuu die thats MY daughter. die. forever. and kills subject delta and does Things so that eleanor isnt a little sister anymore shes just a little girl. ok so while delta is dead sofias like hrmm wouldnt it be awesome if we created the perfect person whos super awesome by injecting them with Every Drug? well this goes bad. also sofia is a cult leader now. so sofias like Well eleanor my young daughter should be immune to the drug bc she was exposed to the drug. so actually im going to raise my daughter completely isolated from everyone so she wont be tainted and the cult is going to revolve around this little girl sacrificing herself to be the perfect most special guy in the world. yay! Well 10 years pass eleanor is a Teenager now and figures out how to revive subject delta bc kind of her mom sucks. this is the start of the plot of bioshock 2 Well subject delta goes on this epic journey to save his adoptive daughter and makes Moral Decisions which is to say the player gets to make moral decisions. and this seemingly effects nothign until closer to the end where when (spoilers) delta saves eleanor by turning her into a badass big sister (girls with big knives) u get little Hints of oh ! oh my choices mattered ! bc eleanor will either be viscously murdering everything in her path Including Children and laughing maniacally abt it OR going lalala..dont hurt my dad ok..and i save the children..anyway skip to the end there are like a bunch of endings but the one my profile pic is inspired by is where (more spoilers) subject delta dies but also so does eleanors mom But Also so do all the little sisters but eleanor escaped the city so eleanor is Completely Alone and also she was born and raised in the city so this is her first time on the surface and basically bioshock 2 is like undertale 5 years before undertale

jaw dropp...this sounds so interesting ill likely never get into bioshock but that sounds cool as hell

#i didnt answer earlier bcs i fell asleep 😭 i pulled an all nighter on sunday so i was so tired #kitsu posts #kitsu asks

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frecklystars · 1 month

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i hate that i see one gifset of stsc and my whole body just. locks up. and starts shaking. i hate that i immediately feel like im going to die. im not in danger oh my god im just. im just looking at a fictional robot and my body makes me react as if i have to run. run from what??? im so tired of feeling so nauseous and dizzy and angry every single day. my god i miss stsc more than anything. loving ken is great but it is not the same. nothing is the same. i have come to truly hate TF with my entire being, even tho TF didnt hurt me, it was someone i associated with TF. but i am so bitter about what happened to me and i wish the franchise never existed bc then i never would have met my abuser. but at the same time i miss TF so badly i just want to be able to look at an insignia without crying, or think of a flower meadow without my heart breaking, or listen to the 400 songs collecting dust on my TF playlist. my god there is so much music i miss, but every time i listen to a song on that playlist, my brain just associates it with my TF ships and then i miss them too badly and i cant enjoy the music for what it is. i have tried associating them with ken. i have tried associating them with barbie. it doesnt work. the furthest ive gotten is associating 7 out of 200 megakeri songs with patrickeri but !!! thats just!!! 7 songs!!! out of!!! two!!! hundred!!!!!

i dont know how to explain it to someone who doesnt get triggered but its literally like... spikes of adrenaline shooting through my body and making me shake every time i see something related to TF or even something that would remind me of a TF selfship i had. and my breathing either becomes very short or i just hold my breath entirely. and i start sweating and my body locks up and there's this urge to run, to hide, to call for help, but i cant do any of that, i just freeze up. and like lol thats so stupid bro. ill see a color and it triggers me, ill see a honeybee and i start crying, i see a flower meadow, or like. just. the word starlight. or hearing a song that reminds me of my TF ships. i miss them all so fucking badly. i see hailee steinfeld and it hurts so bad bc i loved her the most in the bumblebee movie, i loved charlie so dearly, she was one of my favorite main f/os years ago, now its like... i just have such a horrible horrible horrible association with charlie and bee and TF in general and i . dont know. how to reclaim that. and seeing them makes my body react like "you're gonna die holy shit" just automatically. immediately. i cannot control it. it just happens. it sucks.

steve blum hugged me so so so tight just days ago and said stsc would never hurt me. like three times. and that stsc misses me and loves me. growled it, as if stsc was truly enraged for being ripped away from me. and yet my brain is still like... numb. i watch the video with steve and im numb. he hugged me tightly and rubbed my back and, like, okay great i didnt have any "oh my god im gonna die" feelings when he was voicing stsc for me, but i was just... numb. totally shut down. i didnt expect seeing him again to fix me, but i was hoping so terribly that it would do something. anything. but i am tired of feeling this way and i want to try to do something about it even if theres almost nothing i can really do except try my fucking best one day at a time

i think one of my main problems is ive spent three years LOVING TF, feeling good with it, la la la. and then BAM about nine-ish months of being isolated with someone who ruined my fucking life. now spent about 16-ish months looking at TF whether it's a gifset or a photo or even just a flower that reminds me of a character or something, then having a trigger reaction where im crying/vomiting/hyperventilating, and then disengaging with TF entirely and spending days trying to come down from being triggered. for over a year, i have been unintentionaly training myself to believe i cannot look at TF. like. i am unable to ground myself when im triggered, i am supposed to say "ok im scared right now but he would never hurt me" or whatever. but i havent been able to do that, i just get triggered and immediately try to get away from whatever i saw that triggered me, and its wired my brain to believe TF is genuinely something to avoid.

i think i need to get into the habit of drawing myself with a TF character at least... once every two weeks. or once a week if i am able to. but i cannot just sit here, missing TF every day, get triggered if i see it, and then avoid it and then cry about avoiding it, and the cycle continues. i cannot keep fucking doing that. dude there has to be a way for me to fix myself. i need to train my brain to believe its gonna be ok even if it takes a long ass time. and then the next time i meet steve blum maybe ill feel? better? cmon, if the voice actor can hug me and say stsc would never hurt his little starflower and my brain doesnt believe that, then there is something else i gotta do. i cant just sit here and feel bad!!!! i have tried several forms of therapy and then i ran outta money, i have tried watching the shows but got a BAD reaction out of that, i tried commissioning ppl to draw myself with TF characters but it's done nothing but waste my money bc i cannot look at the pics, i have tried talking to friends about TF and associating it with them, but none of this shit has worked. but you know what did genuinely make me feel better back when this was really fresh? me drawing myself with TF characters and people commenting nice things about it. me posting drawings of me with stsc and people writing a nice tag or a nice comment. that helped the most. i need to get back into the habit of doing that even if i just get one (1) nice comment, i know it will make a difference. nice comments have always made a significant difference for me whether it's my inbox or dms or replies, any time someone shows me kindness, it helps a lot. and maybe if i just. keep. doing that. i can slowly but surely condition myself to believe again that im safe when i see TF. because i am. i am safe and i am loved and i am missed even if i dont believe that at ALL i know it's there even if i'm completely numb to it

my goal isnt even to hyperfixate on TF again. its to just... be indifferent to it, god that is the best case scenario for me right now, realistically. i just want to not be immediately triggered. i'll have reactions with ken or driver sometimes where i'm like "what if they hurt me" but that's not a trigger. i dont feel like im going to die when i look at them. but i feel like im going to die when i look at TF and im so sick of that. lol im done with that. fuck that. i shall take matters into my own hands. even if it takes years i am NOT giving up!!! no matter how many times i cry and scream and stress vomit and jolt awake from nightmares and make vent posts saying "its hopeless ill never ever ever reclaim them" i WILL fucking reclaim them i dont care if it takes me until im 90 years old!!!!!!!!! i hate living like this and i KNOW if i keep kicking and thrashing eventually something's gotta give. i cannot just lay here on the ground and cry. i gotta get up and scream the entire time and claw my way out of this deep dark depressing pit so i can eventually get out. what is that saying - fake it til you make it??? well ill keep drawing myself being so so so loved by these characters, and faking it until i finally fucking MAKE IT

#vent #delete later #im not back online btw im just venting. my god. i am hurting so bad

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