#i suck at keeping things to myself

[moonlight-prose]

Hello, just want say I love your Joel fic, Hurt is so good! I really like in this interlude to see Joel vision and i really like to see more of this, like the fact he holds her when they sleep together or about her jokes!

This rudely got lost in my inbox so apologies for the late response!! But THANK YOU!! I have so much more planned for Hurt, plus many new interludes that are coming thanks to the genius brain of @themarcusmoreno who's been brainstorming with me. I can't wait to share them and I am so glad you love it darling!🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

#witch aunt responds #anon darling✨ #you're such a sweetheart #i suck at keeping things to myself #so feel free to ask about this fic any time!🖤🖤 #hurt

[naturecalls111]

#black leg sanji #red leg zeff #one piece #comic #fanart #sanji vinsmoke #< the tag I use more often so just for easy navigation on my blog. #my dog of 17 years passed the other night and god knows I suck at processing things #I wanted a way to distract myself but I couldn’t Really distract myself so. #when I woke up after drawing this comic I hated how I wrote the end part #my brain was muddled so words weren’t coming to me the way I wanted it to #I was going to change it before posting it here but that feels… disingenuous. so I’m keeping it #my puppy’s name was Sunny. it’s silly of me but it makes me feel even closer to one piece now #anyway sorry for rambling #I miss my big baby

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

#positivity #yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself #i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because... #...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting... #...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum #even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise #i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it #and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art #so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!! #(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive) #(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour) #(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously) #(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!) #(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)

[haliaiii]

Le'garde (tw blood)

#kinda sorta a sprite redraw? he's just facing the same angle tho lol #le'garde is an interesting character bc he's fun to hate on #taking Ls in both games lmaooo #big fan of characters that think they're doing a good thing for the world but are actively playing a part in its downfall #(and they're blonde) #as a character he's interesting but as a person he sucks #i don't draw portraits very often bc i find them really easy and I want to keep challenging myself #but every now and then I give myself a break #his armor was fun tho #fear and hunger #funger #fear and hunger le'garde #le'garde #f&h #my art #art #digital art #illustration #fanart #haliai art #i've been on a roll with all this funger art tho #probably a sign for the burnout to come 😔

[autisticlee]

is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?

#autistic #autism #actually autistic #autism things #asking autistics #i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck. #but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times #or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid. #drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people #get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger.... #if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because #i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃 #eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭 #so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason #autism stuff

[msmargaretmurry]

feeling very sad about the kuzy news not just because i'm going to miss him in dc, and because without him we are down to four guys from the cup-winning team, team of my heart, but also because this anticlimactic sad probably-ending to his time as a capital is so illustrative of how shitty this sport can be. he may not have out here speaking articulately in english about his mental health problems, but he was not shy about them. he didn't hide that he was struggling. he has spoken openly about how hockey culture can give you such a dark and destructive mindset and how much he cares about not bringing that home to his children, how he doesn't want his children to play the game because of that. about how he purposefully tries to not take things so seriously to protect himself from that even though he knows it pisses people off. instead of sympathy or taking the opportunity for a wider conversation people mostly made coke jokes. when he first went into the players assistance program i felt so sick because i knew people were going to be awful about it and i was right.

i'm so sad but i'm glad that gmbm seems to at least kind of be working with him to find him the change of scenery he wants instead of just dumping him. i hope he gets whatever kind of second chance he wants or needs, and wherever he lands he is able to find peace and joy. i will miss you beautiful bird man <3

#just needed to get this out i guess!! #had myself a little cry in the bath watching the round 2 ot pens goal over and over lol :( #but truly when he was at his best he was so good and joyful and so fun to watch. i really hope he finds that again #and man i also keep thinking abt how his whole career was colored by nasty russophobia that NA hockey loves to pretend doesn't exist anymor #and no one in mainstream hockey media is ever going to dig into that. it think about how it might have made things harder for him #the russophobia is such a messy and complicated topic now because of the (gestures at current world events of it all) but like. #man it sucks. it all just sucks #evgeny kuznetsov #washington capitals #hockey for ts

[burinazar]

Oh, wait, wait, ok, I can tell tumblr my news now.

I was accepted into the JET Program and will be moving to Japan for one year starting in late summer to teach English. : )

I don't know how many other applicants have ever had either of my specific application 'angles'. I think they were both pretty weird, but also very, very me, and I'm pleasantly surprised that they seemed to have worked, going off both by the acceptance and the very positive and warm reactions I got during the interview I had. These were:

Science/scicomm/museum background + implying mutual interest in and love of like insects and sea life could be an avenue of intercultural connection and exchange

India and Japan have always struck me as weirdly similar in ways nobody seems to discuss, especially in both being simultaneously hurtling into modernity and deeply traditional/conservative in many ways and places

So. Is this a silly idea considering most people in this program are fresh college grads, and people my age are expected to maybe be getting more settled rather than hopping continents? Is this a scary idea, considering I'll have to uproot all my shit and go exist in a foreign country whose language I really don't know beyond miniscule smatterings? I mean, hmm, yes on both counts, but I'm very excited. On count one, I'd only get older in the future and demonstrably *don't* already have a settled life and career here to disrupt (lol), and on count two...guys, I'm so so tired of letting fear and inertia make my life decisions.

Time to pack up and store most of my shit and end my lease and. Yeah. Also I haven't actually been to India in five years and will probably try to visit my relatives there in the coming months since idk if i'd had an opportunity for a prolonged visit in the future during the one year (at least) in jp. I'll also be probably selling, trading, or giving away a lot more of my hobby shit (that was sort of an ongoing project already but since I'll be unable to use most of it for a year plus it's another reason to do so), so uh, if you've ever wished I would sell any of my dolls now might be time to commit BJD Hobby Taboo and ask me lol. And, obviously, I'll be studying more Japanese, because mine is incredibly へたくそ at the moment. So much to do. But I'm really excited. And thank you to all of y'all that have been encouraging to me about anything related to this matter <3

#i don't know where they'll put me but i asked for ibaraki prefecture #during my research i became really endeared by the idea of The Prefecture Everyone Thinks is Ugly and Boring lol #seems like a good combo of 'not too far from urban things + cost of living + genuinely there ARE nice natural and cultural things there' #they could put me anywhere though lol #already one of my fandom friends from there wants to meet up ;; im so flattered #im obviously not going there to do doll and fandom bullshit but that stuff will be a nice bonus in off time #i have very little idea on what to expect specifically re japanese attitudes to south asian people and am interested to find out #and maybe be a bunch of kids' first exposure to both americans and south asians and like immigrants as a concept : 3 #keeping my expectations tempered though. It Could Suck #but it'll suck in a novel way and truly i thrive on novelty even though often i take the easy and familiar path to try to protect myself #just. aaAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa scary but exciting im so excited

[ahundredtimesover]

Hi 👋🏽 I’ll be going on an indefinite break that may (or may not) be for good.

Writing fanfiction was an escape for me these past 2 years. It was a way to express my love for the tannies in how I wrote them as comfort characters, and it was a way for me to make sense of my own experiences and emotions. These fics have always been very personal, with a bit of me in every OC, my pains reflected in their stories, and words I wish someone told me growing up expressed in the dialogues. And I’ll always be so thankful that many of you related with them, found meaning in them, and found comfort in them. That will always be my favorite part 💜💜 stories are so powerful! They’ve allowed me to connect with so many people and make memories in this (mostly) lovely part of the site.

But the process of writing has also been draining, not as cathartic as it used to be, and not as fulfilling. So much as I find myself going back and forth with the numerous stories in my drafts, I can’t bring myself to continue with them. Not anytime soon, at least. Maybe one day the itch to write will be so intense, or JJK1/KTH1 drops and I’ll lose my shit (Untitled and Belong were born out of Indigo and D-day after all), or after rereading my stories, I’ll miss writing so much. The thing is, I’ve never loved BTS as much as I do right now; perhaps I’m content with screaming about that love to myself in the meantime.

I’ll be lurking around here, maybe pop in every once in a while (so plagiarists, keep off my work, pls). My stories will remain here as your comfort 😌 and I’ll do my best to put out the PLM drabbles I promised! Other than that, all the stories are complete for you to enjoy (sorry to those waiting on TLA 😔 I hate that I’m unable to continue). I also have Twitter (jmimi_mi). I’m also just a lurker but say hi if you want! 😊 we can talk bts and fics and whatnot over there (I’ll try, I promise).

Please give love to the authors who are still lovingly putting out work for the community! 🥰

#tl;dr I’ll be on an indefinite break bc the writing just isn’t working for now! #and I love BTS #and thank you so much for appreciating the stories! #PLM drabble will still come some day! #++ I know I’ve had multiple breaks but srsly now my brain is too fried to write like #I have so many ideas that stay in my head and it’s so frustrating that I feel like unless I say I’m taking a break from writing #for a longer period this time then I’ll just keep pressuring myself to write something and it’s winter break and I don’t want pressure #especislly if it’s coming from me! lol also all the stories in my drafts are meant to be LONG and I might not have the energy to finish it #and you guys know I don’t put out anything unfinished so yeah 😔 #it also sucks that I haven’t read in SO LONG so yes tumblr u are losing me I’m sry 😢 #i also just wanted to say all this if this is for good so yes THANK U and UR ALL WONDERFUL #mimi things #mimi rambles

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

13, trying to prevent yaz from spiralling when they get separated: i need you to do a deepdive into eschatology

#fghgjhjhggh #'yea i know this sucks babe but we'll figure it out the fate of the world is on your shoulders i believe in you kisses <3' #like thats where you'll end up right #'find out when the aliens come try and take over' #eschatology and death cults and conspiracy theories probably #forced to sift through like centuries of that stuff for years on end trying to find the Real in all of it #and you cant.......stop. bc the world will end #i dont think you come out of that.................normal #even with the best starting condition you dont come out of that normal but yaz is like #functional only by virtue of her circumstances i think #she looks fine bc shes standing next to 13 #i dont think shes normal under the surface #i dont think 4 years of apocalypticism left her untouched #dan either i mean i dont think anyone comes out of that untouched but these two are like barely keeping it together beforehand #can you imagine how WEIRD theyve become #can you imagine how obliviously and kind of unsettlingly weird they'd be in support groups #the others would get it like sure none of us are really normal anymore but like #i think they'd be weird #4 years of having to depend on each other and not knowing if you'll get back home and having to take The End Times seriously nonstop as a #matter of urgency and duty #and then losing the third member of your party? #dan and yaz will be so weird and fucked up #iknow im repeating myself but im just trying to put myself in the frame of mind of #having to take intepretations of the end times seriously for 4 years #when youre already like a lowkey suicidal person to begin with #i think if yaz hangs out with 14 she'll say such weird and fucked up things entirely obliviously and he'd be like O.O #she probably still has 1900 habits that show up unexpectedly #or like just miscalibrated. has to take a trip to another country and takes a train bc she forgets planes exist #has to look up somethign and just goes SIGH. gets her coat to go to the library. and ryans like ??? ive googled it #and shes like oh fuck google

[halogalopaghost]

#IM SO STRESSED IM SO STRESSED #I feel like I'm not handling ANYTHING well rn #so many people have symptoms that are WAAAAAAY fucking worse and they're like. working full time jobs and being a parent and shit and #I'm like waaah oh no I have body aches and chronic fatigue looks like I'll have to be unemployed and never do anything ever 💀 #how am I gonna live?? like. my parents are taking care of me and I'm so fucking glad but #SOMEDAY THEY WONT BE AROUND and that stresses me out so bad #I'm 25 years old and I NEED my mom every day if not physically then emotionally because I'm a little bitch baby that can't do anything for #herself. im having a hard time feeding myself I'm having a hard time keeping my living space clean #I'm not taking care of anything except the dogs sometimes and my lizard and she's not getting as much attention as she used to #I need a job and I need to be able to suck it up and DO THINGS but I feel like I'm not the person u was anymore #I was strong and I could push thru things and make myself do things and now I can't???? I just lay on the fucking couch!! and feel bad abtit #is it the tism. is it the ADHD. what about the chronic depression. how bout the fibromyalgia? #and the thing is that ALL OF THOSE THINGS ARE MILD #I don't have severe pain (yet). #I just can't handle it I don't WANT to handle it #so. shoutout to my mom I guess because if it wasn't for her I simply wouldn't be alive #I feel like I've never been happy!! why can't I just be content and be happy!!!! #I have no fucking reason to be unhappy!!!!!!

[skunkes]

#i keep having little things in my life that make me go god i want to leave #but like. it wld take too long. #it wouldnt be an immediate change #i would still need to relearn to drive which would take forever bc i hate it #and i would need to look into certs that wld get me employed #or anything that wld get me employed #i know the time will pass anyway but that doesnt work for my brain that has trouble Startin especially when theres no light #at the end of the tunnel. like doing those things wont guarantee me a job so why bother #i get lulled back into well living here isnt so bad i can take it. moving out would be worse. id be alone and i wouldnt #feed myself and id have a job i hated #but then Something Happens and the cycle repeats and im miserable #and i want to leave but how can i. and it would take forever. so ill stay. but it sucks. and i want to leave. but how can i. and it w #talkys #i can take it. but not for much longer. but i can. but i cant. but i have to. but i dont want to. i can. i cant #idk how people Live #my issue is i want to leave Now i want to leave Yesterday.

[yuridovewing]

As a fellow Dovewing lover, it's frustrating how the fandom watered her down into a whiny brat who never cared about Ivypool. I mean, seriously? Not only did Dovewing care about her sister (reacting in horror when Lionblaze, her own mentor and Jayfeather are willing to potentially sacrifice Ivypool's safety by employing her as her spy instead of trying to get her out of the Dark Forest's clutches, hiding a thorn in her nest to cover for her scarring from her training).

Heck, even the scene where she tries to feed Ivypool her catch during a hunting patrol was demonized because 'she was trying to make Ivypool break the code like SHE does, as if it doesn't matter' and because she got upset when Ivypool started arguing with her! But you guys said she didn't care, right? Plus, people act like being forced into a prophecy is something you should be grateful for, as if it didn't irreparably change her close relationship with her sister? As if Lionblaze and Jayfeather didn't still keep her out of the loop (and for all the fussing they made about keeping it a secret, Lionblaze confesses his power to Cinderheart and Jayfeather doesn't even care).

Meanwhile Nightheart is angry he isn't orange and hates his mom for being exiled and the whole world has to stop for him. 🤪 And Bramblestar is simply so tortured by having an evil father, the only choice is to train with him and his evil half-brother and hide this from his wife! (But remember, it's bad when that witch Squirrelflight hides the parentage of the three from him, even when Blackstar and Leopardstar were still around after being complicit in the torture and killing of halfclan cats.) Why are these male characters sympathized with, even when they actively harm people (Nightheart forcing himself into Sunbeam's life by lying to everyone about being her mate without even asking her if she would be fine with that beforehand), Bramblestar (we all know what he does), but when Dovewing or any other female character is upset, people freak out and call them whiny brats or abusive for (checks notes) asking her partner if he loves her anymore after they argued multiple times in a book. Really makes you think! (Sorry this is so long, you just have based opinions!)

dovewing being characterized as this flighty airheaded vain popular girl stereotype in fanon is like. one of those biggest "we didnt actually read the books" things in the fandom. like theres so much fanart where shes grinning and giggling over the prophecy and shes besties with the trio and shes got preferential treatment, and then in the actual books shes basically the autistic kid no one actually likes. people really, REALLY overexaggerate that one scene where she snaps at ivypaw and brags. (and i dont wanna shit on amvs but i am forever side eying how the animation community handled dove back in the day. more than one person animated her getting murdered. normal.)

i do think its gotten better recently at least. but wow does it feel like at least one person on the writing team has a bone to pick

(also awww thank you <3 no need to be sorry i love getting stuff in my inbox)

#it does also feel so insidious to me just how long the bramblesquirrel conflict was painted as ''equally kind of wrong'' #the ppl who put words in squilfs mouth sometimes which. btw ill get to that when i read the book #and tbf part of it is that sometimes abuse isnt as easy to spot if youre primed to the mainstream version of it #like. bramble isnt a born evil wifebeater everyone can see coming from a mile away. hes a complex guy with his own insecurities #and his own goals and people he openly cares about. and even in some fanon stuff i see ppl kinda erase that part of him #(which i wont pretend im above- ive been trying to walk that line myself) #and that doesnt match how abusers are usually percieved by the public. or in this very series. #like. the main excuse for clear sky is literally ''hes sad his sister died and tried to save her! no one changes THAT much'' #anyone can be an abuser. you could be an abuser. i could be an abuser. that doesnt mean that we ARE but we are capable of it #and the thing that catches ppl off guard is that abusers are really good at hiding who they are and theyre often charming #i often hear this account of abuse that goes something like ''my parent abused me but no one believed me bc theyre nice in public'' #you dont know whats going on behind closed doors. and ik this is about funny kitties at the end of the day but its quite telling #so... yeah bramble has his nice moments. hes got his GREAT moments even. i love his relationship with his mom for example #but those moments dont mean that hes not capable of being worse. of being a monster to his loved ones #its why squilf keeps getting sucked back in. hes not a one dimensional asshole. hes capable of being kind to her. #and thats what makes his disgusting moments hit so much harder #wow ok i got off topic in the tags but yknow. idk i got feelings abt this matter as someone who's experienced toxic relationships

[donnyclaws]

I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself #maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it #places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do #cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way #which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does #working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it #it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect #idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or #be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely #i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute #not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always #i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen #but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the #i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or #yadda yadda lmao #sorry for the impromptu ramble #this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art #god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex #i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less #and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow. #it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me. #part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like #that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy

[princessofxianle]

so much you have added to fx backstory au in your head you say… please feel free to take this excuse to share to your heart’s content… 💐

alex from the future here: this started as a note i was gonna let rot in my drafts and turned into A WHOLE ASS SCENE WITH DIALOGUE AND E'RYTHIN so i decided to copy and paste it here... anyway i have THOUGHTS about feng xin's family and especially his SPITFIRE of an older sister, shen liang...

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS and omg thank you for sending an ask im overflowing with thoughts of them... see #fx backstory au for more

~

sometimes i like to think about young Shen Liang before her brother was born...

yknow that excited phase some girls have about babies when theyre like 13?

my girl was READY to be a big sister

ready doesnt even being to describe it...

"Xin-er!" she'd talk to Shen Wangxi's belly relentlessly as if he'd already been born... if he even was a "he"

she'd be happy with a didi or a meimei she did not care

she read every bit of prep material from the royal library at least 3 times over

she talked with her mom about how she'd be the best jiejie ever...

she was SO EXCITED

So much so that Shen Wangxi knew Shen Liang could take care of her brother.

That is, until Feng Xin was born...

The event essentially trades her mothers life for her brothers... Shen Liang has the capability to care for her didi, but she isn't too interested in the parasite that stole her mom from her...

But this "parasite" continues to grow more fond of her regardless of how horribly she treats him.

.

"Jiejie is family. I love my family. And Baba tells me all the time i need to protect the things I love. I'll protect you jiejie!" A tiny Feng Xin puffs out his chest and makes a face that he thinks will make him look tough.

"Like how you protected mama?" Shen Liang mutters to herself, standing up from the dirt she'd been kicked down into by that goodfornothing bully and uselessly patting dust off her robes before knocking past him.

"Enough, A-Liang. He's three, he doesn't understand."

No. You don't understand. "Get lost, old man." Shen Liang quips toward her father.

Feng Yang lets her leave. Teenagers. At least she was safe now. This harassment was getting out of hand. He'd hate to take it directly to the king.

"But..." a tiny voice pokes out from behind the contemplating Xianle general.

Feng Yang bends down to pick up his son and rest him on his hip.

Tiny hands grab the fabric of his robes as Feng Xin rubs his head against his fathers chest to comfort himself and he mumbles, "Jiejie... I'll protect you, jiejie, I promise."

Feng Yang's heart aches from his son's words. It swells in his chest until it almost pops and then...

"Baba?"

"Yes, Xin-er?" Feng Yang answers softly with a smile.

Feng Xin chews on the age-old words of the Feng family code, and then speaks. "Well... what does a man do... when he can't protect what he loves." His voice attempts to mimic the commanding tone of his fathers own.

Well... "He tries to get stronger."

Feng Xin's eyes brighten.

Feng Yang is blessed to have this child as his son.

"Baba?"

"Hm?"

"When will I be strong enough to protect jiejie?"

"I don't know." I wish I did. "Sometimes protecting someone is not about how strong you are." I wish I could protect her too. "Sometimes you can't be strong enough to protect someone who doesn't want to be protected."

"Even if you love them?"

"Even if you love them."

Feng Xin's tiny brows furrow in contemplation until his young mind hits a logical dead end. It doesn't make sense to him.

So...

Feng Xin does what he always does when he doesn't know what else to do. "Baba is silly. Of course jiejie wants me to protect her." He hopes.

He prays. Wishes. Believes. Much like the name his mother gave him implies, Feng Xin has faith.

He was born with it. And like any child with a gift from his mother, he'll never let it be taken from him.

Feng Yang tests him. "And how do you know she wants that?"

"She lets me peel her oranges!" Feng Xin looks down and excitedly acts out the motion with his hands.

Yeah, and then she doesn't feed you. It had been beyond difficult for Feng Yang to feel safe leaving Feng Xin in Shen Liang's care. Just the thought of him thinking this way about his daughter made his stomach churn. But recently, even Shen Liang's 'starvation as a form of discipline' was now the least of his concerns.

Oddly, Feng Xin never complained and the treatment went unnnoticed. It took a visit from the royal physician to tell Feng Yang his son was malnourished. Feng Xin never denied that his jiejie sometimes "forgot" to feed him, but he didn't stand for the accusations the physician made about her either. He adamantly refused to cooperate until Feng Yang had asked the man to conclude his visit with the reassurance he'd address his son's care. Stubborn. Just like his mother... Just like his sister too. Feng Xin made his baba promise to never make him see another doctor who talked bad about his jiejie. Feng Yang couldn't deny him.

The feeding was less of an issue now, given the new one (bruises popping up on his skin) but it was best not to bring up Shen Liang's new actions to the little one right now.

So Feng Yang simply says, "But she doesn't share her slices with you."

"I don't need them. I'm strong." He puffs out his chest again and then has the idea to flex his arms like he was heroically nocking an arrow on his toy bow. "Maybe if jiejie eats them, then she can be strong on her own and I don't have to protect her!"

"Maybe. But why do you keep peeling them for her?"

Feng Xin's voice mellows, as sincere as a 3 year old can, but he responds without missing a beat. "I really like peeling oranges for jiejie."

.

Shen Wangxi I don't deserve our son, Feng Yang thinks.

.

...more to come 🤭

#IM SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I DIDNT MEAN IT TO BE #but its so tragic... #I SAY AS IF I DIDNT WRITE THIS AU MYSELF #im evil and i will never apologize for it #fx once heard from sl that an orange calmed him down when he was a baby #so he decides ON HIS OWN to try to peel oranges for his sis whenever she is 'upset' ie: isnt treating him well #he sucks at it at first but he learns... and for some reason sl never really forces him to stop... so he keeps doing it #its the only thing she has left of her mother when they used to peel oranges for each other when it was just the 2 of them #oh and at the start of the dialogue shen liang gets harassed for having foreign blood bc they arent from xianle #but bbie fx has had enough and wants to 'find the boys (not 'men' he is adamant about this part) that hit his jiejie and go and beat em up' #<-his own words #basically i love bby fx #oc shen liang #oc feng yang #oc shen wangxi #fx backstory au

[demon----dean]

How do you come up with ideas for your fics?

Because I'm curious and inquisitive, feel free to ignore me.

Thank you for the lovely ask! 🖤

Ohh, that is a very good question. Because I have a vivid imagination, my brain is usually “running” something in the background and new stories or scenes pop up. As inspiration, it could be something random making me think “this would make a great fanfic!” or literally reading/watching SW stuff or even other’s people’s fics, prompts and head canons, giving me ideas or making me want to explore something further. 

The trouble is, I try to write my ideas down, but 99,9% of the time I don’t.

So eventually, after having had the story stewing in the back of my head for months, I sit down to write and ask my brain: “So, how about that sweet story? Give me all we’ve got so far!”

And my brain looks worried, digging though piles of files of other random stuff, increasingly flustered.

Me: “C’mon. It was a whole ass AU with huge backstory, you couldn’t have just misplaced it!”

Brain, bodily diving to the bottom of the pile and pulling out a crumpled and smudged piece of paper: “Aha! Found it!”

Me: “...And?”

Brain, smoothing out the paper and squinting: “Well, it looks like Ckin? Angst?”

Me: “You mean Obikin? And of course it is angst, but where are the details!?”

Brain: “Well, it seems that is it.”

Me: “What do you mean?? I am sure there was a whole scene written out in my mind.”

Brain: “Nope. It is either that or that huge ass pile labelled “PWPs where all your kinks are showing”.”

Me: “Agggh. Okay, let’s just wing it and hope you somehow find the rest of the story.”

Brain: “Sure! May I suggest we start with making Obi-Wan emotionally and/or physically distressed, that is always a good idea.”

Me, typing away: “Ah, yes, that is genius! Pure gold. More angst and hurt Obikin, that is exactly what this fandom needs.”

#my brain is such an asshole #I really need to start writing those floating ideas down #Also having a very good imagination sucks because as a writer I keep forgetting I need to actually describe things #I often find myself going back through while editing and adding descriptions because otherwise there would be none #Like the setting is so clear in my head I just overlook actually telling others what it's like #thank you! #asks #fic writing