#i struggle and i have and that doesn't make me any less worthy of anything - and i'd never ever have think that about anyone else

[justanotherrpmeme]

Self-Esteem starters

"I'm just not good enough. I always mess things up."

"Don't be so hard on yourself. You have so many incredible qualities."

"I'm afraid to take risks. I don't believe in myself."

"You have so much potential. You're capable of achieving great things."

"I feel like everyone is judging me. I can't shake this feeling of inadequacy."

"Remember, you are unique and deserving of love and acceptance. Don't let others' opinions define you."

"I can't seem to do anything right. I'm a failure."

"Nobody is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. Your worth isn't determined by your failures."

"I don't deserve happiness. I'm not worthy of love."

"You are worthy of love and happiness. You have so much to offer the world."

"I believe in myself. I know I can conquer any challenge."

"Your confidence is inspiring. Your belief in yourself is admirable."

"I'm proud of my accomplishments. I've worked hard to get where I am."

"You should be proud. Your determination and hard work have paid off."

"I know my worth. I won't settle for anything less than I deserve."

"I embrace my uniqueness. I love who I am, flaws and all."

"Your self-acceptance is beautiful. You radiate self-love."

"You're capable of so much more than you think. Believe in yourself."

"Don't underestimate yourself."

"Thank you for seeing the best in me. It's something I struggle with."

"I've seen you overcome challenges before. I know you can do it again."

"Thank you for reminding me of my potential."

"You deserve happiness and success. Don't let self-doubt hold you back."

"You'll never amount to anything. You're just a failure."

"Your hurtful words won't bring me down. I know my worth."

"Nobody cares about you. You're not important."

"I'm not good enough. I always feel like I'm letting everyone down."

"I don't deserve happiness. I'm constantly making mistakes."

"You're being too hard on yourself. We all make mistakes, but it doesn't define our worth."

"I'm so insecure. I can't help but compare myself to others."

"Thank you for believing in me when I struggle to believe in myself."

"Don't underestimate your impact."

"Sometimes it's hard to see my own worth, but your words help me see myself in a different light."

"You're so incompetent. I don't know why anyone would rely on you."

"Your words hurt, but I won't let them shake my confidence."

"I deserve to be treated with respect and kindness."

"I've noticed that ____ has been struggling with their self-esteem lately."

"They seem to doubt themselves and their abilities."

"____ seems to lack confidence in their work, even though they're talented."

"____ has been struggling with their self-image."

"They constantly compare themselves to others."

#ask meme #rp starter #rp ask #roleplay meme #sentence meme

[mcytblrconfessions]

*sighs in sadness* Ocean Queen Lizzie you were too good a character to be released onto the masses who couldn't characterize you well in fanfiction to save your life :(

The joy your story brought me (self-proclaimed number one Ocean Queen fan /hj) is immense, but it does not cancel out the multitudes of fanfiction flattening you into a hollow shell of yourself who only exists as an extension of the men in your life, clogging the LDShadowLady fandom tag and making it nigh-impossible to fin the (rare) fic in which Lizzie is in-character

And trust me, I know. My experiences are born out of pain and sorrow. Deep in the clutches of hyperfixation, I checked the LDShadowLady tag several times every day for months, no filters. I looked at every fic in the tag, and the backlog of fics. I read every fic in the tag, with only a few exceptions for the most truly unstomachable fic. Even as my hyperfixation loosened, I still checked the LDShadowLady tag often, and scrolled through the backlog. I still read every Lizzie centric fic I can find, and a lot that isn't. I still am on a constant search for good Lizzie fic (please: anyone want to recommend any fics? I'm sure there's stuff I'm missing/missed/forgot to bookmark! she doesn't have to be the main character, just significant!)

I have gazed into the abyss. I have absorbed the scope of it. I have written fic on my own.

And yet: the problem is less with the lack of Lizzie fics, and more with the bad ones, the ones that don't actually feature her in any real capacity, which becomes easy to see once you've read a lot of them noticed the pattern, just a combination of sidelining, of mischaracterization, and mischaracterization by omission, that trap that is so easy to fall into.

I can forgive fandom for this to an extent. No fic writer is perfect, this is about the collective patterns. But after a certain point, it starts becoming harder to ignore: the way she is written into fics only to warp around c!Jimmy (sometimes other male characters) with zero regard for her interiority, her agency, her struggles, her potential, in fics that give male side characters these things.

The way she is ignored varies. Sometimes it is the most blatant examples: she is put in a situation in which multiple canon traits/opinions/experiences of hers would obviously be relevant, but all are ignored except supportive sister. Sometimes it is more subtle: it iisn't a plot hole that her being a supportive sister/caring/"strong woman girlboss" (in the way that doesn't actually give her any agency or depth or plot importance, she's still a flat character only there for support, but actually we only write her as a personw with no interior depth or anything interesting bc she's just so cool and competent and perfect there aren't any problems that give us reasons to focus on her or give her like, a character arc or something) is the only thing that comes up in the au, but the fact that the author didn't find anything else about her interesting or worthy of show, never considered showing her in more depth, giving her an arc, giving her choices to make, the fact that over and over again authors decide that the only reason to show her is if she's supporting a guy, grates a whole fucking lot. Mostly, it is more subtle but once you see it you will never stop unseeing it. I try to repeat it but I just sound like a broken record.

Am I going insane for noticing this when nobody else seems to? I worry that, even being mad mostly at the trend and not the individual writers, I am still somehow being too unfair to them. I check my line of thought over and over. Then, once again, I am reading a fic and I can't stop thinking about how it's another fic in the pattern, and I try to find something that isn't and it takes me pages and pages, and I am so angry again. Death by a thousand pinpricks. Driven insane by a thousand lackluster Lizzie portrayals.

It's hard not to feel crazy. People like the Ocean Queen! People don't dislike her character! She just slowly gets flattened, over and over. Never any interest in her depths. (yes I am ocean punning at a time like this)

I am awash in a sea of misery. Every day I think of her and I wish for a world where people liked her better. Where she was the character with a million fics exploring her potential. I think about it and I think about her and I think about my fic for her and the good fics I've read for her and I open another fic where Lizzie is tagged and I hope.

(The pain these fics bring me is immense but the joy I feel about the character is greater, at least. Mostly I think about that. Two sides to everything, how unfortunate/lucky)

Ocean Queen I love you.

#confession #mod response #long post #ch: empires s1 lizzie

[my-castles-crumbling]

hi lol. first of all the fact that we are aCtUaL mUtUaLs makes me giggle and scream like a kid. so thank you.

i have some questions about gender? i was born female. i don’t like when people refer to me as male, or basically any terms like dominos, nonbinary, demigirl, genderfluid, agender. none of them feel right. im not a girl, but i let people refer to me that way most of the time since i live in a super conservative area and don’t want to be bullied. i like she and they pronouns, and i don’t mind feminine or masculine terms. i just use “genderqueer” to label myself, but i feel bad since i don’t want to act like i struggle the way some people do. but when people call me cis it makes my stomach hurt because im not a girl even though i don’t mind the terms and experience no physical dysphoria (so far). what do i do?

Hi!

So I'm gonna be so real, okay?

"when people call me cis it makes my stomach hurt because im not a girl"

Babe, that's dysphoria. Dysphoria doesn't just have to be about physical appearance, it can be triggered by anything at all. And that doesn't make it any less valid.

Dysphoria and gender confusion/struggles are not a competition. Nobody is any more or less worthy of labelling their gender or being true to themselves. You are worthy. So you should absolutely identify as genderqueer if that's what feels right to you.

Try your bets to stop comparing yourself to others. Your journey is your own, and your job is to stay safe, and be true to yourself, in the best way you can. Fuck everyone else.

<3 <3 <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #genderqueer #gender identity #gender

[teawinx]

Asking cause I’m curious, but if there was a male character in Naruto you think could have been improved, who would it be and why?

Uuhh all of them lol

Jk jk lol

I don't think I personally could really properly improve any of these characters, there's just so much that goes into it. That being said, there are two that I think were done dirtiest

And that's Naruto and Sasuke. And I don't necessarily mean "improve" them, I'm thinking more just treating them with a little more empathy.

Sasuke is the easier one to explain. We love to meme on Sasuke and I agree it's hilarious, but in canon I don't think Sasuke is really given the chance to be a broken kid and just being allowed to be sad about it. Can't be sadness, it has to become anger. And that's mainly because Sasuke is stuck in a boys boy manga where combat = character development, so taking time to explore his complex feelings isn't the point or focus.

Sasuke has been done the worst by Danzo and the gov of Konoha, and I personally don't think he owes the village anything. Him becoming the Shadow Hokage just doesn't make sense to me. Let this guy rest. Give him a nice martini and a sun hat. Take a week off, Sasuke.

He's not then allowed to have proper closure. He can't go home to his wife and daughter and enjoy stability and support. He has to stay away so he doesn't loose his aloof vengeng!1 motif.

Sasuke's story, the severely broken and traumatized child forced to grow up too quick but is mentally stuck in the past, has since been done a lot better with Arcane's Jinx. But Jinx was written to be a character, not a vessel for millions of new abilities for boys to scream over.

As for Naruto This is gonna be an unpopular opinion but hear me out

I don't think he needed to become Hokage.

This has nothing to do with his abilities or his lineage or anything. Man's qualified. His motivation to become Hokage is so people finally notice him, to finally respect him and so he can have friends. But he didn't need to become Hokage to accomplish all that.

So, do I think he needed to become Hokage to be happy? Not really. To me it's less of a triumph and more an inevitability. I think Konoha's whole ass system is fucked and needs a major overhaul, which is what Naruto could have done just sayin

But this also ties into Naruto only really seeing himself as loveable if he's useful. If he just saves the village enough times, they'll finally like him and treat him well. I think Naruto deserves better than that. Konoha has a very "You're worthless if you can't be of service" mentality which isn't the cutest, besties. I wish someone (preferably Hinata) helped Naruto realize that he's worthy of love just for being alive, that he's worthy of being loved and taken care of too. That if Konoha turns on him for being imperfect, that's on Konoha. He's just one person.

It's a very Pixar way of viewing his story, I'm aware of that. Him realizing he doesn't need to become Hokage. But then what would he be? I think he should have taken after his first father figure, and arguably his most humble. I think he should have become an academy teacher like Iruka. He has first hand experience being the underdog, the one struggling, and could be there to encourage and support young ninja like Iruka supported him. Plus it gives him more time to be with his wife and kids, I want him to be the lamest and cringiest dad known to man. I need it.

But I know these are unpopular opinions for a reason. This isn't the series for this kind of writing lol

Anyway, I hope this was useful to you!

#naruto #naruto rant #anti konoha #naruto deserved better #sasuke deserved better

[lucifersimp333]

●MC with PCOS or Hormonal Imbalance●

Scenario: You are a MC with female anatomy who suffers from PCOS or a hormone imbalance. You have abnormal periods, painful cramps, and grow some facial hair. Here is how the brothers would respond!

TW: Facial hair on femine face, hormone imbalances, weight gain, food restriction

LuciferXmc, AsmoXmc, BeelXmc

As someone with hypothyroidism, I feel us hormonal imbalanced people need to be represented! We are beautiful,strong, and worthy of love! If you ever want to vent about the struggles of PCOS, hypo or hyperthyroidism, or any hormonal imbalance you may be struggling with I am all ears! Xoxo

ASMO

Went to go touch your face out of endearment, trying to give you a quick little kiss. You suddenly pulled your face away from his hands, you get embarrassed from people touching your face in fear they could feel some stubble.

He automatically looks so sad, how could you pull away from him? " Sweetiiiiieeee.... why did you pull away from me? Did I do something wrong baby?"

You admit that you don't like anyone touching your face because you're embarrassed about your facial stubble. You then explain you have PCOS and the struggles that come with it. He holds both of your hands and places them in his lap and rests his forehead on yours.

" My sweet darling.... You are absolutely beautiful in my eyes. I wouldn't want you any other way. I'm here to support you whenever you need."

He places both his hands on each of your ears, brings your head to his lips to gift you a soft kiss on your head. He wipes a little tear off you cheek and smiles gently at you."May I touch your beautiful face, my love?"

With your permission you allow him to touch your face. He doesn't go overboard , just places a soft hand on your cheek and smiles at you so lovingly. He looks deeply in to your eyes and gives you such a sincere, soft smile. " You are so beautiful, thank you for letting me touch yout face."

He takes his hands off your cheeks and looks at you for a minuet. " Don't tell anyone, but I actually have an insecurity as well."

Your eyes widen. What? Someone as beautiful as this demon, has an insecurity?

He pulls his sleeves up to show his arms. "Sometimes I think my arms look like noodles. Just so....thin! I try to lift weights with Beel from time to time, but I'm always so afraid to chip my nail polish!" He says with a slightly chuckle. " I guess I'll always have noodles for arms."

You smile at him. It was unlike him to share an insecurity and you really appreciate him being so honest with you to make you feel better. You both hug each other for a while, just enjoying each other's vulnerability.

If you're okay with it, he'll help you wax your lip and chin, following by using the best creams he has to take care of your beautiful skin. When you have painful cramps, hell hold you in his lap with a warm compress on your pelvis. He'll set reminders o his phone to make sure you take your hormonal medication so you don't ever forget.

Makes it a point to call you beautiful all the time ( like he didn't already). He doesn't do this out of pity, but because he genuinely believes you are so gorgeous. He doesnt want you to EVER think you are anything other than beautiful.

Beel

You were chowing down on some nachos with Beel when he noticed you were eating less than usual. Why are you counting chips? Why are you taking the most dry, naked chips out of the plate of nachos?

"Mc, why aren't you eating much? I know you didn't eat lunch today. Are you not feeling well?" He looks at you concerned. He places the back of his palm to your forehead, checking to see if you have a fever in fear you're not feeling well.

You mention that it's easy for you to gain weight due to your hormone imbalance. You gained a few pounds during the week and you don't want to gain anymore. You confide in him that you have always been insecure about your weight so you really try to watch what you eat sometimes. Just talking about this is making your eyes well up. You never really spoke about this to anyone and it's making you emotional l.

This demon is looking like a sad puppy. How could MC be insecure? They're stunning! Beel abruptly stands up, picks you up like nothing, holds you bridal style and looks you dead in the eyes after wiping away a teat off your face.

" I don't like..... I don't like that you feel like you have to restrict yourself just to feel pretty. You.... you are pretty..... the prettiest thing I've ever seen..."

He is hesitant at first, but while holding you bridal style he kisses you. It's the softest, most passionate kiss you've ever experienced.

He sits back in his chair and places you on his lap. You're both facing forward and he rests his head on your shoulder, rubbing your tummy softly. " I love your tummy, MC. I think it's so yummy! You know.... if I wasn't a demon, I would have a HUGE tummy!"

You giggle at his little joke knowing that what he said was true. He smiles after hearing you giggle, relieved he could make you feel at least a little better.

When he notices you staring at the mirror analyzing your body a little too long, hell go as far as to take the mirror away from you. He NEVER wants you to think low of yourself.

He makes sure you never skip a meal ever again. Even if that means he has to go hungry for a little bit, he'll make sure you eat first.

On really bad days when you imbalance is really fucking with you to the point you feel icky, hell sit you on his lap and rub your tummy. He'll give you every ounce of love that demon has in his body just so you feel loved and beautiful.

Lucifer

He was discussing the next vacation day with you and the brothers at the dinner table, deciding where you will all go. The brothers all agreed to go to the beach! Lucifed noticed you were awfully quiet on the subject, having a hint of nervousness in your face.

Once dinner was done, he walked beside you and rest his hand on your shoulder and bent his head down to your ear. " Come to my study in 10 minuets. I want to discuss something with you."

10 minuets later you are in his study sitting in the chair across the desk. He is doing his usual paperwork while speaking to you. " You didn't seem to be to pleased on the fact we're going to the beach next week. Is there a reason why, MC?"

You fiddle with hem of your shirt " I just..... I have a hormone imbalance which makes me a little more.....plump.... than a lot of woman. I don't feel confident in a swimsuit. I..... I also feel more comfortable wearing makeup to hide....." You get nervous and trail off in to silence. You can feel your eyes welling up.

As soon as you said you didn't feel confident he stopped writing and had all his attention on you. His gaze was soft, yet sadden. He felt his heart shatter in to a million pieces seeing your eyes get glassy.

" To hide what, MC?" His voice is gentle, but he wants you to release what you have pent up.

" I... grow a little facial hair which sometimes causes breakouts... so I hide it with makeup. Y-you can't wear makeup at the beach....." You quickly wipe a tear away from your cheek.

"Mc, look at me." He leans over the table and uses one finger to lift your chin up so you can look at him.

" I understand you may not be happy with how you look at times. But I assure you, there is nothing to be insecure about." He let's his word sink in for a moment before taking your hands and guiding you to his side of the table. He has you sit in his lap.

You lays your head on his chest and wraps his arms around you. " In all of the realms I've lived in, out of all the angels, devils, and humans I've seen.... you are by far the most beautiful being I have laid my eyes upon." He's stroking your hair out of your face and wipes away a stray tear. He lifts your head up to his and kisses you lovingly.

" I don't ever want you to hide who you are naturally. I promise with or without makeup, in or out of a bathingsuit I will find you breathtaking."

He goes with you to shop for a bathsuit you feel comfortable in, being so supportive the whole time. When he finally sees your face without makeup, he has the biggest grin on his face. You are beautiful, just like he knew you would be.

He never comments on noticeable facial stubble. It doesn't bother him one bit, and still finds you as irresistible as ever.

Makes it a point to compliment you on days where you finally decided you didn't need to wear makeup. His hear explodes with joy knowing that you are starting to feel as beautiful as he sees you. He is so proud.

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me nightbringer #obey me fanfic #obey me beelzebub #obey me asmo fluff #obey me fluff #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel fluff #obey me lucifer fluff

[yooniesim]

So, I got this pretty gross anon last night, right. And me being me, on reflex I start answering it, I go through each part, etc. And then all of a sudden I look up and realize, it's late, I'm tired, and I spent almost an hour writing this reply. I said to myself, dude, what in the fuck are you doing? Why are you wasting your time again? Are you really going to post this vitriol, knowing this person likely doesn't give a flying fuck what you have to say anyway, and their bigoted words could hurt your followers that see it? You know better than this. I just reblogged something yesterday about not dignifying bullshit with a response, and there I was doing just that. The anon was already blocked, so I deleted my post I started. And it felt damn good.

Instead, I think I'm gonna say some of the more important things I was thinking about in a more general way. Cos there are a few things I wanna lay down so there's no misunderstanding or any hope that I will do anything different in the future.

First and foremost. From this point on, I won't be accepting or answering any opinions on who or what I am, identity wise. the fact of the matter is, you don't define who or what someone is. you don't tell me what I am, I tell you, and you either accept it as the truth or you leave. your opinion doesn't determine my reality and never will. I'm at the stage of my life where I'm simply not entertaining any bullshit from observers any longer. I will call myself whatever I please and speak on whatever I feel I should as the person I am & the life I've lived, and you will either deal with that or you just won't be around me. period. the block button is my friend now, and I've taken on the mentality that if I block you, you just don't exist to me anymore. you live your life, I live mine, I just never look at your blog or acknowledge you again. any mature person would do the same.

Secondly, I recently mentioned my features (lips, nose, etc) because I wanted to emphasize I am proud of them despite being mocked my whole life for having them. I've even been mocked for them on here in a bigoted manner because like I said before, my pics have been posted plenty. and there was just a debacle recently with a simblr mocking thick lips, because anti-blackness is a constant undercurrent in simblr. that's why I mentioned them. I emphasized that because I want everyone to know that I'm not ashamed of who I am and never will be, despite the fact that some on here fight tooth and nail to try to make me feel I'm somehow less worthy. they will never succeed with me, but I don't want anyone else to feel ashamed of themselves for how they look either. these features are beautiful and worth being proud of and uplifted.

Finally, I'm going to say again: to all my poc followers, mixed or not, you're worthy, and you should be proud of yourselves too. don't let opinions from terminally online people with no actual life experience cause you any shame about who you are. who your parents are, your genetics, your percentages, it don't matter I couldn't give any less of a fuck. you tell me who you are and your struggles and your pain, and I believe and support you. I'm in your corner, and I can only hope I can give back half the love I've been given during this time. You're valid and your voices are important. That's the most important thing I wanted to say, and if this subject comes up again, that's what I will emphasize repeatedly.

#ceci speaks #nonsims #text #negative #long post #racism mention

[theintrovertbean]

Halo! Umm Can you write Nadia and an fem!MC with low self-esteem? Like she's...completely harsh on herself because of her chubby body.

Hi! Before I begin the headcanons, I want to tell you something. It's gonna be long.

Weight is something that I also struggle with, and I always have. There was about 1 year in my life when I wasn't chubby, and that was because of an illness, so I understand how you might feel. Sometimes I can be quite harsh on myself too.

When I got together with my girlfriend over 3 years ago, I would have regular breakdowns about my body. I cried, I wanted to scream, and I hated myself. No matter what my girlfriend told me, it wasn't helping because I convinced myself that my weight made me unlovable.

That is, of course, not true. Our weight does not define us. Slowly, I started having fewer breakdowns thanks to the love my girlfriend has been giving me, but I still find it hard to believe that someone as pretty as her could ever want me. But she does. It makes zero difference to her. She knows how I look, she has seen me, and she is completely aware of my weight, but she still wants and loves me.

Chubby or not, we are still humans like everyone else. We are flawed and yet still so beautiful in our own way. There are people who are mean, but a good person wouldn't think of you as any less worthy and beautiful.

Your body has been here every step of the way. No matter what happens, your body is there. It might not be perfect in your eyes, but it is a part of you, so please, be kinder to it. Be kinder to yourself. You don't deserve the hate.

If you want to feel better about your body, you have to put in the work but don't do it for someone else. Do it for yourself because YOU want to feel better. Anyone who doesn't love you the way you are doesn't deserve your time. And by putting in the work, I don't mean that you have to go on a diet and lose weight. Sure, you can, but you can also learn to love yourself the way you are. You are so huggable. I bet you give amazing hugs. Start with something small, like realizing how huggable you are (that one helps me a lot), and you will gradually learn to love yourself.

Tomorrow, I'm going to the gym for the first time with my friend. I'm scared as hell, and I've been dreading going to the gym my entire life, but I'm also very excited. Take little steps today so that you can feel better tomorrow. Change doesn't happen overnight, so it's completely fine to take things slow. A few small steps go a long way.

It's okay to not fit into the beauty standards. You are still perfect, and it does not make you any less beautiful. Hugs and kisses for you, and never forget that you are worthy of love. You deserve to be loved by others and by yourself too. I love you, and if you ever want to talk, my DMs are open ❤

I hope you'll enjoy the headcanons!

Nadia x F!Chubby MC with low self-esteem

Sweet, darling MC. She doesn't realize how perfect she is, but Nadia would drop anything to be by her side whenever she needs her. The Countess is having an important meeting with foreign nobles, but Portia comes in and tells her that MC is being harsh on herself again? The nobles can get fucked. Her MC is more important. Nadia is her rock, her pillar, and she can lean on her whenever she is needed.

Nadia would do anything to make her feel better. Whatever she needs, Nadia is giving it to her. She loves spoiling her.

If MC allows it, Nadia would love to kiss every part of her that she's insecure about. Doesn't matter if it's her whole body or just her tummy. Nadia is more than happy to prove to MC how lovable she is.

Nadia listens to MC whenever she is having a breakdown. She would hold her close if she allowed it, just listening to her and then telling her that she is loved the way she is. It breaks her heart, but Nadia would tell her things to make her feel better. Like, that she is cute and her weight doesn't change anything.

Nadia looks at MC like she is the whole package, the object of all her desires. Because she is. Nadia makes sure MC knows that she is desired.

If MC is uncomfortable with receiving a lot of compliments (because otherwise, Nadia would shower her with them every second of the day), then Nadia would hold back a little. She would never do anything to make MC feel uncomfortable. They could come to an agreement. For example, Nadia would be allowed to call MC beautiful once a day. Soon, MC might ask her to do it twice a day, and Nadia is going to feel overjoyed and shower MC with kisses. Gradually, the number of compliments might increase alongside MC's self-esteem.

Oh, the clothes. Nadia would commission outfits from her tailor that make MC feel comfortable and beautiful. Seeing the joy on MC's face when she feels pretty in her new clothes makes Nadia's heart overfill with love and happiness.

Have I mentioned that MC is getting kisses?

Overall, Nadia would do anything in her power to help MC feel better about herself and realize her worth. She loves her, and nothing in the world could ever change that.

#nadia satrinava #countess nadia #the arcana nadia #arcana nadia #nadia the arcana #the arcana #nadia arcana #arcana #nadia x mc #you are loved

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: The Nobleman's Guide to Seducing a Scoundrel by KJ Charles

4.25/5. Releases 9/19/2023.

Vibes: boss/employee, an Heir Hunt, a hero whose love language is hypercompetence, soft romanticism with just the right amount of angst.

After inheriting an earldom, Rufus finds himself in a dispute with his uncle--who brings up another snag in Rufus' inheritance, one Luke Doomsday. Rather than fight Luke, Rufus decides to hire him as his secretary and make him his ally. The allyship thing becomes rather complicated, however--not only because Luke is a part of a famous smuggling family, but because Rufus actually super wants to bone him. And Luke might be up to more than Rufus realizes...

KJ Charles is one of those authors with such a strong, distinct voice. That's consistent here, as is the rich setting and sense of subculture inherent in her Doomsday books. I think I might still prefer The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen, but that's pure taste (and me being in love with Joss Doomsday). This was a more than worthy followup, and the boss/employee romance that everyone who's uncertain about boss/employee romances should read.

Quick Takes:

--Yes yes Rufus is Luke's boss, and this is something they actually talk about (and, in a very consensual and flirty and normal way) fetishize together. But rest assured, the power dynamics are fully acknowledged and confronted. Like, Rufus initially does feel a bit bad about lusting after his secretary, and he does make it very clear that Luke does not have to do anything he doesn't want to do. (Luke is... significantly less concerned.) I appreciated that.

I also appreciated that Luke points out that an official legal title does not necessarily... peak power... make? Which is a theme throughout this book. Yes, Rufus is an earl, but so many people look down on him despite his title because he is an ex-soldier and isn't able to read very easily, among other things. Yes, Luke is this lower-class guy who's risen up to become a secretary (in part because his cousin Joss Doomsday is absolutely railing a local baronet, bless) but the Doomsdays are also quite powerful in the era. Their power may not be "official", but it has a lot of reach that Rufus and his family can't quite grasp. So that does give Luke a bit more leverage in the relationship, and I found that so different from a lot of historicals that worship the title.

--Going back to reading being a struggle for Rufus... I loved how this was approached by the book. I never got the sense that Rufus needed to learn how to read more easily in order to be seen as a valuable person by anyone who mattered. Anyone who got on Rufus about this issue was an asshole. The main reason why he really "needed" to do anything was because he needed to know what he was looking at re: certain documents related to his responsibilities as earl. The problem was practical, versus being connected to Rufus's intellect in any sense; and it wasn't presented as him being this poor little lost boy, either. It wasn't condescending.

It did give Charles a great opportunity to weave in one of the most touching parts of the novel, however. So much of Rufus and Luke's romance is about the little things that they say and do for each other.

--There's a lot of cozy domesticity in this book? Much of it takes place on this estate that Luke and Rufus are trying to whip back into shape, and they spend so much time working together. You really get this lived in sense of their relationship, despite the fact that they haven't been together all that long.

--In a similar sense, this is one of those books where you just kind of feel like love creeps up on the leads in this very normal way. Like, there aren't a lot of BIG ROMANTICALLY CODED EVENTS (though there are a couple). Luke and Rufus falling in love is woven in throughout the story and in their everyday lives. Like, there isn't some big "omg I love him" moment; you just know that they have truly slipped into love together. It's really lovely and really quietly romantic, and I loved that.

The Sex Stuff:

KJ Charles writes sex in a way that is explicit, sexy, and like... often kind of funny? The sex in this one starts fairly early, which is something I appreciated about Country Gentleman and something I appreciated here. Like, they're definitely into each other by the time they start hooking up, but... they also just really want to throw down, you know? I loved that Rufus and Luke falling in love was aided by this sexual relationship between adults. This is very much one of those books where they're like "OH DON'T WORRY, IT'S JUST SEX, WE WON'T FALL IN LOVE!!!" Which I am trash for.

I really had a good time with this one. KJ Charles is just one of those undeniably strong writers, and I have to just give a blanket recommendation for her books.

Thanks to Netgalley and Sourcebooks Casablanca for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #book recs #books #book reviews

[mintytea-exe]

notre dame by paris paloma reminds me so much of The Silt Verses so I MUST write about it

‼️spoilers for the entire series so far‼️

This reminds me so much of Paige and Hayward's position in Season 3. They didn't choose to be the leaders of a cause, Paige says so herself in Chapter 32 that their intention was to create a weapon that could be used by victims and martyrs. Instead their faith has become an international movement, one neither of them could have imagined. They created a god that shakes the concept of faith in the world they inhabit. Yet Paige is isolated by it. She's the prophet of a god she created, one that reflects the turmoil over her mother's death and directly results in her father's death. She trusts Hayward but disagrees with him. She's become less of a participant in her own faith and more of an observer, and she's deeply unhappy. Hayward, in comparison, has found both hope and meaning. He's still lying, but he's lying for a cause he believes in. He's charismatic and likeable, a natural leader where Paige is not. He doesn't revel in the choices he has to make, but understands they're necessary.

Any line about exile automatically makes me think of Carpenter. She is an exile multiple times over. She believes herself to be exiled from her own humanity, but due to the guilt and shame clearly expressed in her interaction with the Sorrow-And-Shame (Chapter 24) it's clear that she is incredibly human. Exiled from her family, partially imposed upon her by their deaths and partially self-imposed by her choice to change her name. Exiled from the Parish of Tide and Flesh when she loses her faith and defects at the end of season 1, and by Faulkner pinning Mason's death on her at the end of season 2. She found meaning in acting for the Parish, and going on pilgrimages when she was 18. She found meaning in the Cairn Maiden, but it is not her calling. She helps Paige and Hayward because it gives her life direction. She's spent her whole life running, yes, but she's also spent her whole life searching for meaning.

This section just reminds me of the world building of The Silt Verses as a whole. In a world full of so much inequality, suffering is inevitable. It's what makes Paige and Hayward's creation of the Many Below/Woundtree so powerful, and such a threat. So many people have been wronged by the system that the Linger Straits and the Peninsula have both been built on and that sorrow can only last so long before it turns to anger.

I think this is equal parts both Faulkner and Carpenter. Of course, Faulkner could very well be described as a sinner but he is looked up to as a Katabasian and Prophet of the River (albeit due to his manipulation and charisma). In many ways he does belong, or at least he strives to belong. But he's an outsider to the faith, constantly having to prove himself worthy at every turn. In comparison, Carpenter should feel belonging - her family were extremely influential within the Parish. Except she doesn't belong either. Both of these characters struggle with their own identity and belonging, although in very different ways.

Faith genuinely seems to give people in The Silt Verses comfort (the Children of the Woundtree, the Parish of Tide and Flesh). The final line fits a number of characters: Acantha, Carpenter, Faulkner and Paige. Acantha buries the dead, she exudes so much kindness in her worship of the Cairn Maiden. She provides peace to the desperate, who can no longer find it in anything other than a restful death. Carpenter, but acting for the Cairn Maiden, and with her inclination to help save others, is similar to Acantha. She's far less patient, and much snarkier, but she has a genuine passion to care for a look after others. This is even sometimes to her own detriment (Chapters 19, 29 and 34). Faulkner believes himself to be a prophet, he perhaps has an elevated sense of his own importance and acts according to it. But he's very capable of acknowledging when his actions have doomed others (chapter 28) and when he has failed. He has confidence in his own skills as a leader. Paige is the most unwilling in her position in "looking down". She has had this role thrust upon her, where others look up to her for guidance. Her god's role is to help the desperate and hopeless. Again she is an observer of what she has created, and has very little control over it.

#the silt verses #tsv podcast #paige duplass #hayward tsv #sister carpenter #brother faulkner #stewardess acantha #wow minty is actually doing some media analysis??? #the silt verses spoilers #paris paloma

[sebastard69]

Hello! Sooo could you give us more information for autistic genshin characters? (honestly felt that alhaitham could be neurodivergent since the beginning so hhhhhhh)

Btw, do you have any reliable sources to learn about autism and such? I learnt recently that I may be autistic (self-diagnosed but the results speak for themselves) and I really want to know more about it

I'm also self-diagnosed! A lot of my information has come from other autistic people I've made connections with, as well as some websites like spectrumnews or additudemag - though these sites I simply used as a springboard for more in-depth research I did during my psychology and sociology classes using peer reviewed papers and studies. It's been a while since I did my own research, however, so I no longer have links to the papers I used :( The good news is that Google has a specific search engine for research papers here, if dense research papers are your speed!

And I would LOVE to give more information on autistic genshin characters! This is a bit of a long one, so I'll stick my explanations under a read more!

Albedo and Shenhe are kind of obvious imo, they have the classic "low empathy" thing going on (which I find that to be such a misnomer, autistics don't have low empathy we just express it differently), and struggle to understand and express emotions. Albedo uses art and alchemy to try and understand the world around him while Shenhe tries to find logical explanations for the concept of friendship.

Cyno is one of my favorite examples! He is not very expressive, he has an intense sense of justice, he is fiercely loyal to those he considers friends, and the entire reason he tells such bad jokes is because he recognizes his shortcomings and wants to be a better leader to the other Matra. He knows jokes can help ease tension and build morale, but he doesn't have the same sense of humor as most other people and tends to assume their lack of laughter is from a lack of understanding so he over-explains them a lot.

Tighnari's special interest is botany and medicine! He also has a strong sense of justice and left the akademiya to pursue what he believes to be a just and worthy cause. He has a tendency to get frustrated with people who don't understand him and he's protective of the people he's taken into his care. He's not exactly the Too Expressive kind of autistic, but he is more expressive than Cyno - who, btw, he is an expert at reading and understanding even when Cyno doesn't speak. In the 3.2 archon quest, he says something about Cyno seeming more lonely than usual, despite Cyno's demeanor and expression seemingly never changing.

Alhaithammmmm I love him he's just like me fr fr. Another person with a strong sense of justice, and he has a need for things to make sense at all times. If he doesn't understand it, he'll keep digging until he does, no matter what and the main reason he helps you in the archon quest is because of his own curiosity. His sense of humor strikes me as very autistic, too, but in a distinctly different way than Cyno's is. He is INCREDIBLY blunt, literally says "I do what I want" more or less, and is very adamant about the fact that "you can't save everyone."

Nahida is tricky because I know a lot of people will say that she is the way she is because she was locked up for 500 years, but I don't see that as a valid explanation. She has the ability to enter peoples' dreams and frequently ventured into the world in Katherine's body, and had the means to observe and learn about human behavior - something she spent 500 years doing. And yet it seems she's learned barely anything because she tends to try and turn emotions into logical reasoning and it doesn't work that way. During the archon quest, she gets confused by the traveler's response to things multiple times because she'd predicted a different outcome based on a logical inference she made using data collected from humans over 500 years. This is how she perceives the world and processes new information, almost like a computer. Sounds VERY autistic to me.

Diluc is, again, a character that struggles to express himself emotionally and has a strong sense of justice - that's a recurring theme in Genshin I noticed. He consistently does heroic things but does not see himself as worthy of being called a hero because of past mistakes, and struggles to reconcile his feelings in regards to Kaeya because of this sense of justice i.e he loves Kaeya and misses his brother, but can't forgive him for lying. (Or for when he chose to come clean, which honestly is very fair because that was like the worst possible moment to do so)

"Ok, but Razor was raised by wolves, so of course he struggles socially, etc etc etc!" Boring, lame, dumb take. Razor was, and still is, taught by Lisa very regularly. He struggles to articulate himself and speak not because he doesn't know how, it's just hard for him. When you put him in your teapot one of the first conversations you can have with him involves him expressing a desire to get better at speaking regularly and he asks you to help him practice, it's very sweet tbh. He is socially anxious and struggles to express himself.

The more I think about Klee the more I realize she's probably both autistic and has adhd. Her special interest is bombs, she has a habit of breaking rules even though she knows exactly what will happen if she does, and she's a little hyperactive. It's hard to say exactly whether all of that is both or just one because she's young, but I say both.

Yanfei! My gorl! Special interest is law and crime, has a strong sense of justice, she uses her understanding of law and civil code to express herself, is a little socially inept (but what adeptus isn't) but thrives when she meets people she meshes well with - like Yelan or Shinobu!

I know none of this was Mihoyo's intent, stuff like this rarely is, but I revel in finding bits of myself in the media I enjoy nonetheless!

#genshin impact #genshin #yanfei #klee #razor genshin impact #diluc ragnvindr #nahida #alhaitham #cyno #tighnari #asd #autism #neurodivergent #albedo #shenhe

[maya-matlin]

Since we’ve talked about the supremely adorable Jake/Jeyton: what do you see as Jake’s strengths and flaws? What about his character do you think makes him such a good match for Peyton? Have fun :)

This might be more difficult for me because I feel like I have a stronger understanding of Naley and Brucas than I do Jeyton. But I'll try.

Jake is loyal to a fault. When he cares about someone, he falls deeply and truly commits. Jake is hardworking. He's compassionate. For the most part, he confronts problems head on rather than pushing them aside for the sake of maintaining harmony. He's incredibly selfless. Trying to figure out Jake's faults is difficult. To some degree, Jake is pretty much perfect. Jake is already a single dad at the beginning of the series, meaning he's come to terms with sacrificing whatever dreams or wants he might have had prior to Nikki's pregnancy. We missed out on seeing Jake's struggle because by the time we meet him, he's already undergone that character development. That being said, Jake struggles to let his guard down. He refuses to unload his burdens on anyone else. I assume Jake's relationship with his parents is different because they're stated to be helping out and don't appear to be pressuring Jake to move out on his own. And even still, Jake feels clear guilt for putting his parents in the position where they have to support his daughter. Another way Jake's flaw manifests itself is keeping his daughter a secret for several months after her birth. Jake insists he isn't ashamed of Jenny, but his desire to protect her could have potentially made Jenny feel like a shameful secret. All of this leads to Peyton. By the time Jake and Peyton start spending a significant amount of time together, Jake has allowed the world to know about his child. So he's more open to letting Peyton into Jenny's life via her babysitting. What's sad is that even after Peyton bonds with Jake and Jenny, even helping them discreetly leave Tree Hill - something that proves Peyton is willing to put Jenny first, Jake still won't fully let down his walls. Jake spends half of season 2 refusing to communicate with Peyton due to his fear of Nikki somehow tracking him down, but also because it seems like he doesn't want Peyton to feel tethered to him. Over and over again, Jake takes any opportunity he can to push Peyton away so that she can have a normal life and isn't forced to sacrifice anything. Peyton is able to somewhat break Jake out of his habit during their season 2 relationship, resulting in Jake letting his guard down and willingly bringing Jenny back to Tree Hill to live with Peyton. But the return of Nikki and the custody mess means Jake is once again reminded that his baggage is too much for Peyton. Jake won't even consider allowing Peyton to come with him to find Jenny and Nikki. But by season 3, it seems like Jake is less guarded and completely on board with Peyton settling down with him if that's what she truly wants. The writers are assholes, so that dream dies when Peyton says she loves Lucas in her sleep. Naturally, Jake sends Peyton back to Tree Hill and Lucas, where Peyton unfortunately and conveniently realizes via a flashback montage that she truly loves Lucas.

As for what makes him a match for Peyton? It's somehow all of his strengths and flaws mixed together. Jake's heart is never conflicted. From the end of season 1 through his brief season 3 return, Jake belongs to Peyton. This could be because due to Jake being a father, it's harder for him to meet other girls. Every single person who comes into Jake's life is really coming in to Jenny's. Jake has to make sure they're worthy and won't be someone that will bail when things get too complicated or are untrustworthy. It's so painfully clear that Nikki did a lot of damage to Jake. Apparently, Nikki was only 19 when she gave birth to Jenny. Based on the math, Jake was probably 16. We don't know how long they dated, only that Jake was in love with her. Nikki feels older and more predatory, though. I think the writers legitimately forgot Nikki was intended to be a recent high school graduate rather than an adult woman because she intentionally went for an underage Lucas because she "likes them young". 🤢 It also didn't help that they cast a woman pushing 30 as a 19 year old. Even for a show like One Tree Hill, that was pushing it. Taylor James looked like a baby next to her. I'm sorry. I got WAY off topic. Anyways, Jake loved Peyton and only Peyton! There's no hiding his heart or mind games. Jake wants Peyton to have the very best in life and places her needs ahead of his own. Even if Jake is going to be miserable. Jake is protective, but he doesn't have a savior complex. Jake shows up for Peyton because he wants to. Jake falls in love with Peyton because he adores and respects who she is as a person, not because he thought she was hot when they were in middle school and he romanticized the idea of stealing her away her asshole boyfriend who happens to be his half brother. Jake is aware that Peyton is strong and a survivor. Maybe on paper, Jake is the less interesting love interest. His flaws aren't as on display to the same degree as Nathan's or Lucas's or, in later seasons, Julian's. Jake is safe, but he's strong. He makes Peyton feel lighter and happier. Jake inspires Peyton to be more selfless. It's hard to explain, but I feel like Peyton is a more complete, more empowered version of herself with Jake. This is so dumb, but the only thing coming to mind is that Jake lets Peyton bejeweled LOL. Jake brings Peyton back to earth, but he makes it clear how amazing and capable she is. Lucas, in contrast, often desires Peyton under only specific circumstances. Because he's never truly moved past the way a preteen Lucas looked at Peyton, it frustrates Lucas when Peyton rejects him or doesn't give him what he wants on his terms. This is why adult LP can only reunite when Peyton is appropriately punished and worn down to the point where all she wants in life is to become Mrs. Lucas Scott. Lucas is willing to fight for girls like Brooke and Lindsey. But with Peyton, his ego will not allow him to compromise and figure out a way for both to be happy. In my opinion, Lucas deeply loves and cares for Peyton as a friend. Lucas is a very good support system during season 3, early season 4 and even parts of season 2. But Lucas has trouble distinguishing Peyton the fantasy from Peyton the actual person when they're romantically linked, which is why LP blows and Lucas sucks as a love interest for Peyton. He decidedly does not let her bejeweled.

#Jake Jagielski #Jeyton #otp: Someday #Anti Leyton #still-and-always-the-one #Long post #This is so dumb #I'm sorry

[rollercoasterwords]

As a fic writer, how do you stay positive and not stress yourself out with constantly comparing?

I've been really struggling with that. I start spiraling when a certain chapter doesn't get as many comments as usual, comparing my hit counts and kudo counts to other fics, and it's really not healthy but I'm struggling with knowing how to stop, how to just be happy and proud of the response I've gotten. Any thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated.

honestly? i know this might seem counterintuitive but my best advice in that situation is probably to stop posting for a while

like. for me the thing that helped most/still helps most when i find myself falling into the trap of comparison was taking a step back and reevaluating why i wanted to write and what i got out of writing in the first place. like, for me, the core reason i write is for the joy of creating something, and getting to share it with others is all just a bonus. but i haven't always felt that way, and it definitely took a lot of reflection and having to unlearn a lot of social messaging to get there.

i think we are all very much blasted with the message that the most important metric for how worthy art is = how big the audience looking at it is. and i think, because of the way capitalism conditions us to interact w art, it's really really easy to feel like your art is only meaningful if people are seeing it and telling you it's good. like, the focus turns to outside affirmation rather than an interior sense of worth.

but the act of creating art has merit in and of itself. art is worth something because the act of creation is beautiful and joyful, regardless of who sees or doesn't see the final product.

writing fanfiction has helped me find the joy in writing again by removing it from the sort of profit economy that conditions me to think art is only worth something if it can be sold. before i got into writing fic, i felt this sense that creative writing wasn't worth anything unless it was something that i could one day publish which really just stifled me, and it wasn't til i went "fuck it i'm just gonna write something for the fun of it with no plans to ever try and get other people to read it" that i started to really enjoy writing again. and i think that's why i tend to be really wary of anything that starts to treat fic like books or pull fanfic back into this pseudo-profit economy where worth is measured by online popularity/tiktok virality--bc for me, fanfiction is an escape from that sort of mentality.

now, i try to be really vigilant about when i'm starting to fall back into the habit of feeling like my writing is more or less valuable based on whether it gets more or less hits/kudos/comments etc. i think this winter i finally reached a point where writing fic was starting to feel too much like a job w the pressure i was putting on myself to write a certain amount of words or meet certain deadlines, so now i've just been writing without posting anything for like 2ish months and i've found it really helpful! it's good to remember that writing is fun and rewarding even if nobody is seeing it in the moment and there's not that constant feedback loop of affirmation.

and if getting that outside affirmation is a driving factor in why you're writing, and it's draining because it's driving you to constantly compare, then i think it's worth taking a step back and evaluating why you want to write and whether it's like....emotionally sustainable. there's nothing wrong with wanting affirmation and wanting people to see your work, but at least for me anytime i've prioritized outside affirmation it's weakened my own interior sense of worth and made me much more likely to burn out or abandon writing projects. it's difficult bc like i said we are all very much conditioned to prioritize outside affirmation when it comes to art, but for me reframing the way i think about what makes art worth creating in the first place has literally made my writing experience a million times better. so, the most concrete advice i have for giving yourself space to do that is just--stop posting for a bit. stop seeking an audience in any way shape or form. give yourself some time to write by yourself and for yourself, to figure out what about writing brings you joy when there is no outside affirmation and make that the centerpoint of your creative endeavors.

i think there might also be a skin on ao3 that hides kudos and hits and comment numbers, so it might be a good idea to look into that if you're really struggling to stop comparing! also, i highly recommend cj the x's video essays the kronk effect and 7 deadly art sins, as well as jamie berrout's essays against publishing if ur looking to challenge/reframe/expand/adjust the way you think about art + literature :•)

#sorry this got so long lol #but i do have many thoughts on the subject!! #i think this tendency to compare so heavily is very tied to like. an Internalized Artistic Profit Economy #or a meritocracy i suppose #where someone has to tell u ur art is good to make it worthwhile and fulfilling #but to me that isn't sustainable! bc there won't always be someone around to tell u ur art is Good #and also if u need that validation to feel like it has worth. then one person will never be enough #it's easy to become dependent on a constant feedback loop of affirmation #but if u start with a strong base of self-worth in ur art then u don't NEED that feedback loop yknow? #anyway #ranting and raving #ask

[kaibacorpintern]

I noticed some people like to headcanon Atem as inexperienced or kind of awkward when it comes to romantic relationships - what do you think about this? And how differently do Atem, Yuugi, and Kaiba view dating / what are their approaches to romance?

haha I'm totally in favor of the take that sees Atem as more inexperienced and awkward when it comes to romantic relationships - where and when would he have gotten the experience?!! i do also agree that he'd be awkward. he's confident when it comes to duels and games but not much else. it makes sense to me that he's not sure what to do (when to do it, how to do it) in any romantic situation, but it seems important to atem to come off like he knows what he's doing (even when he doesn't) so he's going to fake it until he makes it. ask anzu for advice. watch a lot of romantic comedies for "research" and come away with a hilariously skewed idea of what romantic relationships are like.

as for differences between atem, yuugi, and kaiba i think yuugi has the easiest time with dating/romantic relationships and kaiba has the hardest time. yuugi is the most open to engaging with people as people, with all the flaws and virtues and complications we contain; he's the most outgoing of the three of them; he's fun, he's welcoming, he's a little bit of a romantic at heart (like when he bought flowers for the "idol" at school.) he'd have fun dating around just as a way to get to know different people. definitely the type of guy who really believes you should be best friends with your partner before anything else. i think he'd struggle a lot with what it means to be yourself vs. what it means to be a partner - in the manga he feels intense shame over having let atem fight his battles for him, and his journey is about learning how to be yuugi, who fights his own battles and values himself; and i can easily imagine he'd be wary of letting someone do too much for him - it makes him feel weak again.

i think atem has such a nebulous and vaguely defined sense of self that he'd struggle most with understanding what he wants from a relationship/romantic partner, what he wants a relationship to be like, how he understands love and what love means to him, what his partner wants from HIM, etc. i def. don't see him as a casual dater (the way yuugi could be), he takes his relationships/bonds too seriously... but it might be good for him at the same time, just because you understand yourself and your desires better the more you engage with different people. like as much as i love some fast-burn post-DSOD romancing with kaiba, i think atem would benefit a lot from not immediately shacking up with anyone and dating around for a while poor kaiba LOL.

kaiba's big issue is BIG SURPRISE!! learning how to trust people; he wants to connect but is scared to do it, because he's been burned too many times, and has too much pride to confess something as vulnerable as wanting someone. like several things are happening at once: 1. he's scared of getting hurt/rejected/abandoned; 2. he circumvents the risk inherent to other people by showing little interest in them, and finds them mostly annoying, boring, or not worthy of his respect, which is earned largely on the basis of "defeating" him somehow; 3. he barely understands his own feelings, much less the feelings of others. having romantic feelings is inconvenient at best and like, a death sentence at worst, and the only feasible solution is to repress it until the feeling goes away. and then it doesn't go away and he's fucked. he probably tells himself he doesn't want romance or need romance, in order to deflect from the pain and terror of intimacy - the vulnerability it requires, the willingness to engage with another human being in their entirety, warts and all; the uncertainty around how or when any sustained intimacy will end. but then, you know, he can't stop thinking about [Your Preferred Love Interest for Kaiba] and that's how fanfictions are born.

#intern memo

[janiedean]

I know it's been a long time, but do you plan on writing Sandor's pov of the Heart Thing series? I'm poor, so I won't commission the fic, but I wanted to at least know how you think he'd deal with it (ex, would he hide and try to ignore it, would he try to be a better person, whisper almost-kind words to it when Sansa is sad?)

hey anon, first of all thank you so much for the kind words and please no need to commission anything like I'm just glad people still remember it T_T

that said with answers for both your questions:

yes I do plan on writing that but when it happens is... up in the air because meh like I'm trying to not sound whiny about it but if it wasn't clear from my less than stellar production lately my mental health has been completely down the drain lately and as it is rn I'm finding it extremely hard to put words together unless I have an extremely hard deadline and as it is I'm trying to finish a bunch of comms that I started but I'm like really struggling with liking anything that I write so tldr: yes but it could be three months from now and it could be next year, sure af I hope it's sooner rather than later because I really don't relish any of this but eh T_T

how he'd deal with having it: first time it happens (which would be after they get together which like.. he can't actually deny it's A Thing yknow she got his so) he thinks he someone went on a bender and forgot even if he tried to cut down on the drinking and then he's like oh god nope it's really here what the fuck and immediately gives it back to her like IM NOT WORTHY HERE, she's like yeah okay sure but I don't think it's gonna end here (she's fine with it), the second time he gets it is when she's sad for some reason and she's not nearby so he has to take care of it and actually worry about it and he's like god what do I do and just keeps it close and tries to not make anyone notice, then it happens again when something bad happens to her and she's not immediately nearby and as you said he tries to tell it something nice which for his standards would be weird but it actually works because she actually feels better and then she's all smug when she tells him and he's like wait what are you fucking kidding me

and she's like sure I'm not :DDDDDDDD

so pattern he always gets it when she's sad or down or has dealt with crappy people and so on and at some point he just embraces it like yknow what I denied it for ages but it makes no sense that I should now oKAY FINE I'M NOT UNWORTHY OF THAT

sansa is just :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD for the entire next month and robb's like did you just propose her or what NOT THAT I'D SAY NO AND NOT LIKE SHE DOESN'T WANT IT sandor is like maaaybe that's uh for another time MAYBE

he probably springs the maaaybe weee should make it official thing not long later tho

robb is just extremely happy of how he matchmade half of this union XD

ngl there were things I wanted to do in that verse including the throbb fic and sansa meeting brienne like you were my role model too but eh as stated at this point I'll be just glad if I manage to finish my commission backlog and/or literally anything that won't feel like crap after five lines so i can't guarantee it's happening at any point soon, sorry anon T_T

#anonymous #ask post #sansan for ts #hearts fic thing #jaime x brienne for ts #i'm not talking abt it much because then i feel like im complaining all the time but #eh i'm at the stage where getting out of bed is a chore™️ and i had to cut back on half of therapy #sssooooooooooooooooooo yeah wish i could tell you when #also for my own sake but T_T #atm i'm not a fan of much of what i put out #which i hate bc i miss the contrary -_- #personal for ts

[softestofangel]

What do u do when you try your hardest but even your hardest is never enough??? Is never right? That’s when you know that you have no purpose anymore and don’t deserve to live anymore 😞

hi sweetheart ♡

thank you for being vulnerable and feeling safe enough to open up. I really wish I knew what to say to comfort you and maybe I'm not the best person to seek advice from as I suffer with severe depression myself but please don't say that you don't deserve to live because that is simply not true.

It's ok to feel negative, sad, anxious, and upset, but also remember not to be so hard on yourself, darling!

I know it can be difficult to tone down the negative thoughts at times, but please try.

you're a person who's struggling, but there are so many aspects about you that you don't even notice that people admire. <3

you're allowed to celebrate even the smallest of your wins. any achievement is an achievement. any progress is progress.

I find that spending at least 20 minutes every morning reflecting on the past 24 hours really helps start my day on a positive note.

I think about 3 things i achieved that day, no matter how big or small it seems, and jot it down. It can be anything, I usually write about morning coffee, fresh sheets & bedding, the delicious food I had for dinner the night prior, a funny thing that happened, if I was able to get out of bed, loving pets, helping others, discovering a new TV show, being able to rest and take it easy, getting outside for some fresh air etc. It doesn't have to be major life altering achievements. Just simple little things that make living every day that little bit more pleasant.

It's clear to me that you have a lot of care for others, but sometimes that empathy is best used on yourself ♡

give yourself as much kindness as you can, and if the most that you can do is be less harsh on yourself, then that's okay.

Remember

🤍 there are people out there who care about you.

🤍 you are worthy even if all you did today was get out of bed.

🤍 you don't have to be productive every day.

🤍 your existence makes a difference.

🤍 it's okay to take your time.

sending you lots of love ♡

#anon ୭̥ #💕 #you are loved #💌 #inbox

[writingonesdreams]

For whichever tears of iron you're feeling from it c;

❝  could you just…talk to me?  it doesn’t have to be anything important.  i just like listening to your voice.  it calms me.  ❞

@bloodlessheirbyjacques ✨

Author's note: Thank you for sending this, Fiery!💕 I felt like writing and wasn't sure what, and then this clicked and became very satisfactory. The aimless urge to write acquired a purpose again. Prompt from this list.

Summary: Skye's struggle to be present in reality. Hal isn't much help, having the same issue.

When you aren't here

Skye doesn't feel up for company tonight. Zephyr isn't here, and that's alright, cause he can't be here all the time and no, she won't call him and demand attention like a small child.

It's stupid and it doesn't deserve attention. These feelings won't get any space in her mind.

It's stupid. The purpose of her day, the comfort level of her free time, the satisfaction of her interests can't depend on one person being there or not. Unacceptable.

And absolutely terrifying. She has to get rid of this nonsense before it roots itself too deep.

It's a weird mood. Nothing cheers her up, nothing from her usual comforts brings her joy. Books are too exhausting to read, the pen feels too heavy to hold, the phone seems too intimidating to dial.

So she roams around the island like a ghost, hating she doesn't understand, that she isn't happy when there isn't a reason to be sad.

It's like she spend all her energy caring too much and now she can't make herself care at all. Worse, she can't even make herself pretend.

Do I need him so much to pull myself together and act like a capable young adult?

Her steps lead her to the sunflower field. It's an out of place corner, between forests and mountains, suddenly a straight smooth plane with sunflowers and a narrow road running through the middle.

It came to be after the days she spend thinking about her family home and how she used to walk a field like this with her dog every day. Then she dreamed about it a few nights in a row and the next week she found the field here, behind the academy. Like a snowflake in autumn orange leaves, it doesn't fit there at all, but she knows who it is for.

She walks and walks and walks, and it's terrible, because she hates movement, without having something to think about. Physical activity has always felt like giant waste of time, no matter what natural biological benefits have been proven in its favour.

Maybe that's what fascinates her so much about Zephyr, that movement is so easy for him. So fun and natural. And yet it doesn't make him any less worthy as an intellectual opponent, his enjoyment of it doesn't make him stupid or limited or simple.

That's her own prejudice to tackle. Her own reason that if she hates something so many love, there must be something wrong with them and not her.

What a stupid human reasoning, trying to blame it on others.

But here she is and walking feels like pulling nails and health benefits don't make it easier at all.

Finding an inviting place on the edge between grass and sunflowers, she kneels in the grass, blue dress tucked neatly beneath her. Don't glance at the clock, girl. Feel the nature. Feel the world around you.

All she feels is the wild magic, overwhelming strings of power running through the place. The inviting zing of it. She could reach out with her mind. She could forget the place around her and follow it around, explore the island, talk with some dragons, check on the students.

But that all would be cheating, taking her from the moment she hates.

She doesn't hate it so much, when Zephyr is there. Grounding her attention, her senses, encouraging her to breathe, feel and hear.

She has to be able to do it without him. That's the goal, the point, the necessity. There won't be a single thing she couldn't do without him. Even if he makes it easier.

She shuts her mind off to the singing magic. Focuses on little details, like the broken blades of the grass. The scary looking bee clawing at the sunflower next to her. The blinding sunrise on the horizon, the play of light over the field.

Maybe that's why she doesn't feel him come, although his magical trace is unmistakable. Magnificent, unique, familiar.

Hal's ever present black cloak rustles besides her. His black bangs falling in his face, white porcelain skin almost tranaculant in the sunlight. Eyes as deep dark wells, unyielding black smooth mirrors, staring back.

His intense unblinking stare intimidates people on the first meeting. She has become used to it by now, knowing it's not a reaction or a behaviour he chooses. It's just how he is.

Another mind reaches out to her, searching, concerned. Answering with gates of her own mind firmly shutting down, she forces herself to look away.

Hal has a similar struggle to stay present in this reality. Doesn't make for good company, when she is tethering on the edge like this.

At the same time, the thought of him leaving leaves her freezing in the summer sunset.

"Could you just…talk to me? It doesn’t have to be anything important. I just like listening to your voice. It calms me."

It's an offer made for the moment. A cover story. A challenge, training, what he needs to do more. Skye has long suspected Hal seeked her out more, because her mind reading experience made it easier for him to communicate. Human interaction wasn't something he indulged in unless absolutely necessary.

By pushing, she was risking him feeling uncomfortable. Maybe enough to leave or to limit his time with her. It clenched her stomach to consider it.

She liked being special. She liked being wanted. She liked being the first and only one he went to see.

They wait in silence, her punishment for those selfish thoughts being keeping herself uninformed of his state on purpose.

The coat rustles closer as he sits down next to her. He starts to describe the scenery, the colours he would use to pain the picture, the angles, the possibilities, the speed, the style.

That's his grounding technique. Making himself draw, to look at the world through art, through sensations, making something tangible and lasting after it.

So she listens. Even allows herself to lean on his shoulder a tiny bit. He stiffens and halts for a tense beat, then continues.

She might have suggested it for him, but it wasn't a lie.

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