#i still have to like. be an adult

[cowardlycowboys]

girl who needs to ask for reassurance would rather be stabbed than admit they have needs

GIRL GENDER FUNNY‼️ POST MADE BY MOST FEMININE HE/THEY SHUT UP‼️

#omg kiera no one cares #admitting u have needs and stuff is so embarrassing like I'm literally an adult grow up #like I'd rather go crazy then ask if you still like being around me and love me #unfortunately that's unhealthy and i gotta work on that but until thats complete i will think about being gutted like fish instead

[july-19th-club]

seriously have been thinking about this all night long. call me autistic but the fact that 90% of workplaces the point is not to get your work done and then be done doing it but to instead perform an elaborate social dance in which you find something to do even when you're done doing everything you need to do in order to show your fellow workers that you, too, are Working . because you are at Work . disgusting why cant we all agree that if there is no work immediately to be done. we just dont do anything

#i personally like to not be doing things constantly at all times. it stresses me out #i know there are ppl who thrive on cosntant activity #but me i like to chill out. #and the problem then becomes that i only ACTIVELY remember to do work and Find More Work To Do when im stressed #at the thought that others might want to see me working #if im ever relaxed i just dont look for stuff to do #catch 22 of modern work culture which permeates even ostensibly noncapitalist structures like public libraries #for instance: will it really kill anybody if the books get shelved by me now after a very busy day? #or shelved tomorrow morning by. well probably me since i'll be the one at the desk #not in the slightest #but it was work that wasnt being immediately done by me. therefore it was incorrect behavior #that i failed to identify because my instinct is to relax when not immediately presented with a Situation #this got me labeled as 'having no initiative' by my dad from a very early age #and even as an adult i still feel like im a child with no initiative

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[hood-ex]

So anyway, since Bruce abandoned his family, are they gonna let Damian go live with Dick in the Tower orrr is DC going to keep being dumb and not take advantage of such a golden opportunity...

#listen i know bruce and damian have a title rn but idc #bruce is like ''take care of the family dick'' #okay you absentee father #all the other kids are adults now so they can do whatever. but damian is still a minor!! he's 14!! #Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #Damian Wayne

[okayto]

Neopets is so funny right now. It's a 24-year-old website and half its pages haven't been updated in 15 years. Its ostensible audience is children. The core active audience appears to be nostalgic 20-40-year-olds. Old code means no accounts or pets can ever be renamed. The virtual pound is full of virtual pets named after Justin Bieber. It has an economy and inflation is rampant. New ownership is combating this with the stimulus of random super-rare items via daily quests and events, while the equivalent of Neopian Upper-Crust complain that their investments are deflating. You can't say seaweed or grapes.

#I'm having so much fun #Neopets #anyway hey if you used to play it's still around and apparently the first new plot in years will happen spring/summer of next year #I mean it's really weird because it's still got rules like it's 2004 #I have no idea how you would introduce it to an actual child but the adults seem to be mostly having fun #recent events have been making it SUPER easy for ppl to get paint jobs they want & expensive items to sell & things to collect so it's fun

[botanyshitposts]

ok this sounds insane but in 2018 i went to a few carnivorous plant talks at the botany conference in minnesota. i got caught up in conversation with one of the guys there who was a huge nepenthes guy who told me a story about another collector in the pacific northwest who'd been buying poached plants, like a huge amount, and eventually got staked out by the fish and wildlife service and arrested and had all his plants seized and went to prison for it. idk if i ever talked about this on this blog before-- i know i liveblogged a lot from that conference but cant remember what all i posted-- but ive avoided talking about it since then because i was never able to find like, news articles or anything covering it, but behold.... we now have proof it was real, and im like 80% sure this was this guy he was talking about. the raid happened in 2016 and they'd been staking them out since 2013. he had nearly 400 plants and had been sourcing many of them from poachers in indonesia and borneo.

remember folks: poaching happens with plants too! it's a huge problem not only in carnvirous plants (nepenthes especially, which this piece is dedicated to talking about) but also in native plant populations in the US, including native carnivorous plant populations (north and south carolina's venus fly traps, california's darlingtonia, and sarracenia from the east coast), native orchids (historically one of the most poached categories), desert plants/cacti/succulents, and slow-growing woody ornamentals (cycads, for example). never buy bare-root plants off ebay or facebook! your best bet is local nurseries (which usually purchase farm-raised plants that do well in a wide range of conditions, and as a result have a healthy population in the wild) or specialty greenhouses (more expensive, but at least in the case of carnivorous plants offer young plants bred from established adult plants in-house, raised in captivity).

#super sad piece fellas like this shit guts me i cant even stress it enough #stories about nepenthes poaching hit different #there are hundreds of species #some are really common and widespread all over indonesia/china/japan/oceania #and some are like. super hyperadapted to one specific ridge on one specific mountain #theyre still being recorded and stuff because theyve speciated so much #so youll have a plant that has like. a max of 15 adults in the population at any given time. literally a nightmare scenario #AND theyre diaceous (there are male plants and female plants). doesnt seem like a problem until you think about the population dynamics #there not only has to be two plants but the plants have to be a male and a female #and people living there have reason to take them. like the poacher interviewed in this article does it to supplement his income #from working at a horrifying rubber production ordeal to feed his wife and kids #and he says everyone in his village does the same for the same reasons #nightmare!! nightmare!! nightmare horrible nightmare world!!! horrible fucking nightmare!!!! #nepenethes #carnivorous plants #poaching #conservation

[runawaycarouselhorse]

So many works are like "this magical world is ONLY FOR CHILDREN, if you grow up, you lose your sense of whimsy and wonder BY NECESSITY and are FOREVER BARRED THIS WORLD OF WONDER. If you missed your chance as a child, TOUGH LUCK. A bitterly hopeless and dark view of adulthood."

Pokemon is like, you didn't get your chance to go on a Pokemon journey because you were raising your siblings for five years because both of your parents were deadbeats? One finally saw the error of his ways and came back! You can start now!

You're an old man who never went on a journey? You can start now!! Go out there with your flower-loving, skipping Treecko. You and your kid can both start your journeys with your little Starter Pokemon together, sure, why not?

You DID enjoy Pokemon as a child and have now grown-up, still loving them? You're a Gym Leader, or Elite, or even the Champion!

#Pokemon #PokeAni #Treecko #Brock #agere #this blog isn't an agere one I just think regressors would appreciate it #one of many reasons I don't think I'd ever be able to watch Digimon is it perpetuating this (but apparently it wasn't as bad in S1-2?) #still........ everything I learned about Oikawa sounds depressing as heck if I saw that instead as a kid who believed she was an adult at 1 #I likely would have ended up Worse. #caps * #Stephanie #Stephanie's father #Mudkip #Mizugorou #Kimori

[aftgscenes]

Everyday I thank god (Nora) that aftg is set in college and not high school

#as an adult I’m so tired of queer media being set in high school #like no i actually don’t want to see high schoolers have sex and make out #I’m sure I would have still loved aftg as a teen but every year I get older it get harder to like high school centered media #I’m just over it #no saying it shouldn’t exist at all obviously #aftg #andrew minyard #all for the game #neil josten #the foxhole court #tfc

[sergle]

When I talk about something bad I've experienced, Baked In to my experience as A Woman, I am not "making my little cousins feel like shit for being women", because I am talking in a space with, allegedly, adults. I am not bringing my problems to children in the first place. That said, I don't HAVE to make my baby cousin feel bad, because she's already experienced sexual harassment in her life, and she's only 8, and doesn't even understand what any of it means yet. And everyone in her family can try to instill confidence in her, and never talk about our bodies in a negative way. But she can still feel like she's too chubby, because she still goes to school, and talks to other kids and their parents, and still sees ads, and still watches tv. We can be positive, but we can't fix the root of the problem. And I don't HAVE to tell trans women that "pain is a rite of passage", because that's not a Rule being enforced (by me), because I've already sat and listened to my friend complain about constantly shaving as a Baseline necessity and how it hurts her skin and she has to put makeup onto fresh cuts on her face because going out without a full face of properly feminine makeup would make her life worse, and being anything less than thin and lithe makes her "less feminine", and ALL the things that can make her "more feminine" are behind a paywall. And I can try to make her feel better, and I can hear her experiencing the tenfold version of problems I relate to, but I can't fix the root cause of her problems by just telling her not to complain. Forcing happiness as a core personality trait for women is not the Girlboss Feminist move that you think it is, and no amount of gender euphoria in the world will make you immune to systemic oppression.

#sergle.txt #you cunts learned the term 'toxic positivity' years ago and forgot it instantly #putting a bandaid on a fuckin severed leg is what it is #do i wish i wasn't a woman? no #do i feel pretty in a dress? yes #have i suffered? OH MY GOD YES #do i think any woman alive today has lived without suffering in these ways? NO. #unless she is being raised by wolves. in which case. good for her. #again I am still flabbergasted by that post having used trans woman as a last ditch effort scapegoat. #like. shocked. as if ANY trans girl's problems are because other women complain abt the way they're treated. #she's got her own problems bitch!! and they are directly correlated to my problems!! #it's like. it's infantilizing almost. the way the dickheads in that post went from ''kids'' to ''trans women''. #adult women who know how gender works. #condescending.

[toytulini]

listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.

yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?

maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".

get a better joke

#toy txt post #god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones #let it flop..........pls #internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop #i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having #1 million bajillion disclaimers #virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word #disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word #grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used #to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023 #and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like #im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild #i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good' #like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you #but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches' #'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay #god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil #but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful #and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like #hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine #and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr #and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like #and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay #its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat #? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty? #you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right #stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny #whatever #if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll #i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain #I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha #It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling #Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out #Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling #Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment! #Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha #But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha #I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥ #And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe #They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol #I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨ #''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol #Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute! #Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol #Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done #Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude #Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl #To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™ #I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3

[tcfactory]

I've been thinking about QiJiu and how they could be post-reconciliation and I'm like. I love most flavors of these tragic idiots, but I like them as either romantic or full on disaster siblings the most, probably.

Because them becoming close platonic friends feels like sort of... an extension? Of the state they are in canonically, where they are devoted to each other, but in a lot of ways have grown apart. They just fix up the holes in it - and I don't think that works all that well for them on the long run, because it would be all too easy to be reminded of the bad times. I think for them to be happy and stable long term, they need a shift in their dynamic either to something new (romantic relationship, with the courting period acting as a sort of soft reset) or back to the (codependent, but not necessarily in a bad way) sibling-relationship they had before.

Like. Honest to god I want a story where the two of them make up and Liu Qingge is the first one to look at them and go:

"What the fuck?! WHAT THE FUCK?! So this was just a sibling tantrum?? Like the time Mingyan refused to talk to me for three weeks because I got monster guts on her new dress, except you idiots dragged it out for thirty years?! I'm ashamed to be your shidi! Shame on you!"

"It was a bit more serious than-"

"Zhangmen-shixiong, what could you have possibly done that's worse than monster guts?"

Just Liu Qingge shaking Yue Qingyuan until dumbass failbrother explains what happened - perfect grounds for Liu-Jiu reconciliation too, because in LQG's mind 'making your little brother think you willingly abandoned him to slavery' is a perfectly valid reason to become the angriest, bitchiest bitch to ever peak lord. It doesn't matter that it doesn't make sense, his big brother instincts tell him that if he did something like that to Liu Mingyan then blood would flow. He doesn't know what a Joker even is, but in his mind that would be Mingyan's Joker moment for sure.

#svsss #yue qingyuan #shen jiu #liu qingge #listen qijiu with a very clingy sibling dynamic is also good grounds for other ships #because it still gives both of them emotional stability #but whoever they are getting together with doesn't have to be jealous #like. would it be weird that their sense of propriety and personal space just disappears when they are in private? sure at the start #but I think someone like LQG would Get It and wouldn't really be jealous over that #good grounds for LiuJiu or LiuQi I think #or any ship with TLJ who doesn't know human customs and thinks that it's perfectly normal that SQQ sometimes takes a nap on YQY #I feel like heavenly demons would be the kind where the siblings would do sleepy piles even as adults tbh #tactile motherfuckers

[compaculaaa]

Please excuse my attempt at being funny

#transformers animated #tfa #tfa optimus prime #tfa sentinel prime #tfa elita one #alpha trion #sparkling siblings au #after draiwng so much I’m starting to crash #but here have a shitty comic of alpha trion accidentally creating a nuke #and his kids being absolutely terrified of it #like they see him adding random ass shit to the pan and they brace for impact #you’d think after 6 billion stellar cycles alpha learns how to cook #very cheesy but I wanted to get this out of my system #and maybe I’ll draw more adult sibling content #still practicing how to draw better more Tfa looking #as you can see from my op it’s not looking so good #but I just have to keep working #tq tq for the support as much as I feel like trash I’m glad others don’t #I hope at least #maccadam

[uncanny-tranny]

Not to be all hopeful, but there is never an age where you stop "growing up." You can always say, "when I grow up..." because you never have a set point where you're done developing, growing, changing, and learning. You are still growing up, no matter how old you are 💛

#positivity #encouragment #this isn't even about 'oh youre still young! it's okay because you're young!' because that isn't true #you don't have to be deemed 'young' to be valued #like i'm considered 'young' still but i really hate how it's only ~valid~ for me to do this because i'm considered a 'youthful' adult still #FUCK the fetishization of youth. you're so much more than if you're ~young~ or not

[jackdaw-and-hattrick]

Ya know, Danny’s death could well be considered Manslaughter on the part of his parents. Manslaughter in Illinois is defined as either:

-The defendant knew or should have reasonably known that his actions could have lead to the death of the other party;

-The defendant's actions showed an apparent disregard for human life or were intrinsically dangerous; and

-The defendant's actions or failure of duty were the direct cause of the other party's death

The Fentons asked their 14-year-old to clean a lab full of hazardous and dangerous material without the proper equipment or training. The average person would therefore expect that Danny would somehow be harmed or even killed. They failed their duty as his legal guardians AND operated in a way that was intrinsically dangerous. By any definition, this was Manslaughter. Unfortunately, the maximum sentence for the crime of manslaughter is about 3-5 years. That said, because Danny is a minor and this is therefore also child endangerment, the charge could be upgraded to a class two felony with a maximum sentence of 7 years or 14 for an extended term. This would also invove a legal fee, a period of supervision for up to two years, and an investigation by CPS (who would ABSOLUTELY take Jazz and Danny away)

#danny phantom #dp #Illinos law #that sentence still feels way to short #I do not like Jack and Maddie #just a small consideration #I may go into some of the other crimes #the fenton adults have commited and their sentences

[ahappydnp]

having thoughts about dnp saying the reason they wanted to write tabinof in the first place was to commemorate the era and give fans something to look back on and remember when they're older & how they consistently talked about the tatinof/tabinof era like it was an ending (or at least the end of their "peak")

the idea that in 2015!! they were preparing for their audience and community and their popularity to go away eventually so they wanted to create a physical reminder that "once upon a time there were these two guys called dan and phil who met each other on the internet who created this entire world"

it's like they were assuming the world of dan and phil and this community would be another trend and that their audience would lose interest in over time, especially after they'd just hit this massive peak. except it wasn't and we didn't

thinking about how that was almost 10 years ago and we're still here

#their trailer concept of an adult having tabinof in a dusty locked box when many of us still have it proudly displayed on a shelf #obviously they were right and 2015/2016 was their peak in pop culture but their emphasis was always the COMMUNITY not the fame #it was the world of dan and phil not how many views/subscribers #and like...idk dude feeling a lot of things about how the universe not only stayed intact #but has only gotten better #the community never left them and they didn't abandon the community and that is one of the most beautiful stories on the internet to me #i love them man