#i started thinking earlier about this painting series i want to do about this stuff.

[tip-top-cloud-surfer]

The Danger Zone (Part 4) - Hangman

Pairing: Hangman / Fem!Bradshaw!Reader | OC

Word Count: 3.5k

This work, all my works, and my entire blog are 18+ ONLY

Warnings: Unplanned Pregnancy; Secret Relationship; Angst; Undefined Relationships; Overprotective Family; Background Relationships; Use of "You," No Use of Y/N, No Set Physical Description

Summary: Jake tries to talk to you, if only your family would stop getting in the way.

Series Master List

Master List

One Hour Earlier

Jake closed the door to his truck and walked up to Coyote and Phoenix’s house. They bought it during the preparations for the wedding, which definitely added to their stress level at the time, but it was nice to come home to a house that was all theirs after their honeymoon. And now Jake was reporting for painting duty. He let himself in through the side door and spotted Javy in the kitchen, putting away some random things.

“Where’s Phoenix?” Jake asked, setting his keys and wallet on the countertop.

“She went to her parent’s house for the weekend to grab some stuff and help out a bit.”

“And you promised to get a whole bunch of shit done while she was gone?” Jake guessed, gesturing to the empty boxes and random tools and materials all over the place.

“And you’re going to help me with all of that shit,” Javy replied, patting Jake on the arm. “Come on, let’s start painting.”

They walked into the spare bedroom and started cleaning out all of the shit that was shoved in there. Setting up the sheets on the ground, Javy glanced over at where Jake was pouring the paint into the tray.

“So, what’s new with you?”

“Nothing much,” Jake replied, turning back to the wall. “Just the same old shit.”

Javy nodded and stood up, fixing Jake with a knowing gaze. Javy and Jake had been best friends since the Academy and Javy liked to think that he knew Jake more than well enough to know when something was up with him. Good or bad. And Javy was very much aware that Jake wasn’t himself.

“How’s everything going with your relationship?”

“It’s over,” Jake replied simply. “And it wasn’t even a relationship.”

“What happened?”

Jake shot Javy a look, but Javy shot him one right back. Jake could play the whole nonchalant bullshit with everyone else, but Javy would call him out on it when he felt it was needed. And after seeing the change in Jake’s demeanor after whatever he wanted to call your relationship ended, Javy knew that he needed to call him out.

Jake picked up a roller and started to paint the wall in straight, even lines. Javy did the same, though he was still feeling out Jake at that moment. He usually just had to give Jake a little bit of time to think over it on his own before following up.

“And you’re okay?”

“No, but nothing I can do about it now,” Jake replied, a bit tensely.

“Did she block you?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Jake mumbled, running the roller through the paint again. “She’s been reaching out to me, but I haven’t responded.”

“Because?” Javy stressed, earning a sigh from Jake in return.

“Because what’s the point? It was never going to go public. She’d never stand up to her family about it. And we just didn’t work anymore.”

“Didn’t work with what?”

“We weren’t on the same page.”

“About?”

“For fuck‘s sake, Javy.” Jake set down the paint roller and turned to Javy, who remained calm and eyed Jake with a knowing expression. “She was acting weird before the wedding and at the reception she just blew me off, so what was even the point of all of it? It was just a waste of time for both of us.”

“Or did she hurt your feelings and you wanted to push her away to protect yourself?” Javy asked, setting down his own paint roller.

“You’re not my therapist, Javy,” Jake muttered, looking away from his best friend.

“I know I’m not. But I’m not going to sit here and tell you that you made the right choice when you look as miserable as you do.” Jake sighed and rubbed his face with his hand, causing Javy to soften a bit. “Jake, you were really happy when you were with her. And maybe you two grew apart and maybe you want different things in life and maybe I should just mind my own business. But just talk to her. At least figure out why she was avoiding you in the first place.”

“It was probably something with her brother or Mav,” Jake huffed, picking his head up more. “Or, hey, maybe she found a new fuckbuddy.”

“You don’t know any of that. And she’s not the type to play shit like that and you know it, Jake.” Coyote paused for a moment before adding, “Hell, maybe it was something with work or she’s dealing with some other issue and she wanted to figure it out first before telling you about it.”

“I just don’t know what would cause such a sudden change in her. I mean one minute she was fine and the next she just shut down.”

“You know how you’re going to find out?”

“How?”

“Talk to her,” Javy emphasized.

“I liked you better before you got together with Phoenix,” Jake scoffed, shaking his head. “You’re acting all wise now.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Javy muttered, waving Jake off. “Now, be an adult and go talk to her. And, hey, maybe in a year, I’ll be your best man at your wedding.”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Jake sighed, getting to his feet. “And I’m holding you to it, Javy. If it’s a shitshow, you told me to start shit.”

“Get out already.”

“I’m going, I’m going.”

Jake grabbed his keys and wallet and headed down to his truck. Sliding in, Jake thought about how to proceed before just deciding to drive over to your apartment. If the two of you were actually going to have the conversation, he wanted it to be in person. And well she was also a little worried he would lose his confidence if he gave it too long to linger.

Parking in the lot, Jake spotted your car and made his way up the stairs to your apartment. He, however, didn’t recognize Emma’s car parked in the lot too. Stopping in front of your door, Jake knocked lightly and took a step back. He knew that you had a viewport and could see that it was him. Whether or not you opened the door was your choice.

The door opened a few moments later and Jake was rather quietly surprised at how shocked you looked when you spotted him. Why hadn’t you looked through the viewport before answering the door like you always did?

“Jake,” you breathed out nervously.

“Hey,” he replied softly, unable to prevent himself from frowning a bit at your reaction.

“What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk about . . . everything.” Jake paused, mulling over his words before asking, “Is this a bad time?”

“Um. . . yeah, kind of,” you responded, wincing. “My brother’s here. And Mav is on his way over here right now.”

Jake’s eyes widened a fraction but before the curse could slip from between his lips, Rooster walked around the corner.

“What’s taking so long, old—Hangman?” Bradley corrected himself, very openly frowning when he spotted his teammate in the hall. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh, he’s just here to pick something up,” you lied, turning to face your brother.

“Pick up what?”

“Uh, his . . . sweatshirt,” you decided, gesturing for Jake to come inside. “He let me borrow it at the beach when Coyote and Phoenix had their thing and it got cold.”

“And he just dropped by?” Bradley asked, staring after you as you hurried to your bedroom to grab it before shooting Jake a look. “Without your permission?”

“I told him that I was going to be here,” you snapped back defensively. “It’ll be two seconds. Calm your tits.”

Hurrying into your room, you started to dig around your closet for Jake’s sweatshirt that he gave you several months ago right before he went on deployment. You wore it on multiple occasions and by now Jake’s scent had long ago disappeared from the fabric. Meanwhile, out in your living room, Jake and Bradley were in the middle of a staring contest.

“So, you were just in the neighborhood?” Rooster asked suspiciously.

“I do live in this town too, Rooster,” Jake reminded him, causing Rooster to narrow his eyes a bit.

“So,” Emma cut in, trying to control the tension, “how have you been, Hangman?”

“Peachy.”

“Here you go, Jake,” you called, hurrying over and shoving the sweatshirt into his hands before urging him towards the door. “Well, thanks for giving it to me. For that day.”

When you were only two steps away from the door, there was a sharp knock. Cursing under your breath, you glanced at Jake to see that he looked like he was readily planning to climb out the window, before turning to the door. Letting out a breath, you opened the door to reveal Maverick and Penny standing there.

“Hey, Mav, Penny,” you greeted them, trying to act normally.

“Hangman?” Maverick asked, confused.

“Maverick,” Jake returned, his face impassive though he was sweating nervously.

“He was just grabbing something,” you cut in, talking just a little too fast. Maverick looked over at you, raising his eyebrow just a bit. “And he’s leaving right now. So, uh, bye Hangman.”

“Yeah, uh, see you around.”

Jake moved past you and he was about to walk past Maverick when the older aviator stopped him from his escape.

“Where are you going, Hangman?”

“Just heading home, that’s all,” Jake stated, turning to Maverick. Scrunching up the sweatshirt you gave him, he held it up. “I’ve got some laundry to do.”

“You’re more than welcome to stay for dinner,” Maverick offered, causing you to shake your head slightly. “And cake too, if you want. You saved my life, so it’s the least I can offer you.”

“I think he said he already has plans, Mav,” you tried to butt in.

“I’m sure the laundry can wait,” Maverick insisted kindly, though with an edge of force.

Jake shot you a slightly nervous look, to which you tried to discreetly shake your head. Penny seemed to be eyeing the exchange curiously, though you knew she sensed Maverick’s tone. You sent Jake a look to get out while he could. But then bigmouth Bradley came around the corner and decided to butt in.

“Yeah, I’m sure we can find something to talk about,” Bradley stated, leaning on the wall with his arms folded in front of him.

And Jake, sensing his rapidly approaching defeat, started to surrender.

“I don’t want to intrude—”

“—You're not,” Maverick interjected before gesturing inside your apartment. “Come on, I’m sure the food’s getting cold.”

You stood stone faced by the door as Bradley, Maverick, and Penny walked further into your apartment. Sharing a defeated look with Jake, who pulled up the rear, you shut the door and tried to calm yourself down before you turned on your heel and headed towards the table.

You found yourself sitting with Maverick on your right at the head of the table, Jake to your left looking uncomfortable as hell, and Bradley across from you with a sharp glare directed at Jake. You shared a look with Emma, who returned an apologetic grimace. Staring at the glass of wine in front of you, you simply ducked your head and stared at your plate.

“So, what caused the sudden change in location?” Maverick asked curiously.

“There was a minor problem at your place,” you replied, staring down at your plate.

“We set the oven on fire,” Bradley filled in, causing you to kick him under the table. Bradley shot you a look before turning to Maverick. “And then she threw up again and we just decided to get out of there.”

Again?

Jake glanced over at you from the corner of his eye, concern clear in his gaze. You didn’t look severely ill. Maybe a bit flushed, but not ill. So what caused you to throw up so often? And how did you just seem to bounce back if you were so sick and throwing up?

“How did the fire happen?” Maverick asked calmly, used to the back and forth between you and Bradley.

“I accidentally set the timer for too long,” Emma cut in, trying to take some heat off of you. “I walked off and it boiled over and burned.”

“Not a problem. That oven was ancient anyways,” Maverick dismissed with a wave of his hand. “I barely used it as it was.”

The family conversation continued on with an occasional pointed comment directed at Jake from Bradley, but it wasn’t too much. You seemed to be well-versed in how to deflect your brother’s questions and comments. It almost made Jake wonder why you were so cautious about him being anywhere near Rooster or Maverick with him.

“Anyone want a refill?” Penny offered, getting up from her seat.

There were a few mumbles around the table, but when Jake glanced over at your wine glass, he was a bit more than just surprised that it looked like you hadn’t touched it. Not that you had to drink the wine. But why didn’t you?

“So, Hangman,” Rooster cut in, causing Jake to turn away from you, “did you spend a lot of time together? Planning Coyote and Phoenix’s wedding and all, I mean?”

“Yeah, so what?” you snapped in Jake’s defense. “I spent a lot of time with Emma’s brother for your wedding, Bradley.”

“It was just a question,” Bradley scoffed in return.

“This is a great meal, Emma,” Penny announced louder than she needed to speak. “What restaurant did you get it from?”

“Ferrucci's down the road from here,” Emma answered, talking loud as well. “It’s really good. We should go there more often.”

“How was the wedding in your end, Hangman?” Maverick continued, getting the conversation back on track despite Emma and Penny’s attempt. “I feel like you were quite busy.”

“Yeah, I was,” Jake replied honestly.

“We didn’t see you at the after party,” Bradley added, earning a nudge from his wife.

“I was feeling under the weather. Just tired from everything,” Jake stated, staring down Bradley, not at all afraid of him.

He was slightly terrified of Maverick. But Bradley? Not even a little bit.

“Funny. That’s exactly what someone else said that night,” Bradley replied, turning to look at you. To which, you narrowed your eyes and shot your brother a warning look back. “What a weird coincidence.”

“Bradley,” you hissed, placing your hands on the table, “if you want to ask a question, just ask it. Stop being weird about it.”

“Should we cut the cake?” Emma interjected, trying to prevent a fight.

“I think we should,” Penny agreed, getting up from her seat. She called your name, causing you to look away from Bradley. “You made the cake, so you get to set up the candles and everything. Come on.”

With one last look over at your brother, you got up from your seat and walked into the kitchen with Penny and Emma. And that left Jake at the mercy of both Bradley and Maverick. Once the three of you were out of earshot, Bradley turned to Jake with a dark look.

“Are you messing around with my sister, Bagman? Because I swear to—”

“—I’m not,” Jake muttered, glaring over at Rooster. Anymore, at least. “Is that good enough of an answer for you?”

Rooster glared right back at Jake, practically screaming that no, it wasn’t good enough for him. Even though they had come a long way since the mission, it was near impossible to just get rid of years of resentment and tension in a moment. And anyone who knew Rooster well enough knew that messing around with his little sister was a sure fire way to be at high risk for getting a fist to the face.

“Bradley,” Maverick cut in, causing Jake and Bradley to turn to him, “drop it. Your sister is old enough to take care of herself.”

Maverick and Bradley had their own staring contest for a moment until Jake excused himself from the table, needing to cool down for a second. Walking down the hall and into the bathroom, Jake shut the door and let out a breath. Running a hand down his face, he sat on the toilet cover and stared at his hands.

“What the fuck did you get yourself into, Jake?” he muttered, shaking his head. “You’re a real big fucking idiot, you know that?”

Sighing again, Jake got to his feet and turned to walk out of the bathroom when he accidentally kicked the small trash can over. Cursing under his breath, Jake kneeled down and hurried to clean up the mess. Picking up a plastic wrapper, Jake was about to toss it back into the trash when he caught some of the text on it. Frowning, Jake smoothed out the wrapper to read it.

And he nearly passed out when he read the plastic cover.

Prenatal Vitamins

Well, that sealed the deal. Especially when he thought about Rooster’s comment about how you were throwing up all the time lately. And then he remembered the full wine glass in front of you at dinner. And well, three coincidences didn’t seem that likely. And he couldn’t exactly say that the two of you were extremely careful every time with any sort of conviction.

Jake sat there and just stared at the plastic wrap, his whole world just exploding in front of him.

Meanwhile, out in the kitchen and slightly hidden behind a half wall, you were holding your hands to your face, trying to remain calm while Emma placed the candles on the cake and Penny gave you a supportive squeeze.

“Hey, it’s going to be fine,” Penny whispered to you, urging Emma to hurry up with the candles. “We’re just going to eat cake and Jake will leave and it’ll all be fine.”

“Why the fuck is he here? Of all fucking days,” you cursed, letting out a breath. “And I’m going to fucking kill my brother if he keeps asking stupid questions.”

“Just hold onto those thoughts for now. Focus on getting through this dinner, okay?” Penny coached you, giving you another squeeze. “You’ll be fine. You will get through this. But it is a good reminder about some conversations that you need to have, okay?”

“I know, it’s just,” you sighed, feeling a wave of nausea hit you, “they’re all going to freak out. I know it.”

“You can’t control them. Only you. And you are holding way too much on your shoulders right now. You need to tell them. Or at least one of them,” Penny whispered, causing you to nod in return.

“I know. I’m already starting to show,” you mumbled, resting a hand on your abdomen. Letting out another breath, you turned back to Penny, “Let’s just get this party over with.”

You, Emma, and Penny walked out of the kitchen with the cake and candles all set up. Singing the birthday tune for Maverick, you sat back down in your seat. You were a bit surprised that Jake wasn’t there but he seemed to slowly make his way out of the bathroom and back to the table as the song wrapped up. You laughed and clapped with everyone else as Maverick blew out the candles, though you felt Jake’s gaze burn into your back.

“Thank you, thank you,” Maverick chuckled, waving the smoke away. “We’ll, what are we waiting for? Let’s eat cake.”

“I should go,” Jake suddenly spoke, causing everyone to turn to him. He seemed to stumble over his words for a moment before adding, “Coyote texted me. I guess there’s some problem at the house.”

“Well, we don’t want to keep you if you need to go,” Penny stated, knowing that it was best to reduce the tension in the air.

Jake bid his awkward goodbyes, almost acting like he was a puppet being controlled by some higher power before he left. He didn’t or couldn’t look you in the eye about it. Feeling a bit taken aback by his sudden change, you whipped around to shoot Bradley a death glare.

“What the hell did you say to him?” you demanded, causing Bradley to scoff.

“Nothing. Why do you even care anyways?”

“It’s my apartment. If you want to pick fights with people, do it at your place, not mine,” you deflected, causing Bradley to roll his eyes.

“Don’t mess around with him. I’m serious,” your brother warned you.

“And we’re cutting the cake!” Emma interjected, walking over with small plates.

The conversation was effectively over for now, but you still couldn’t help but let your mind wander. What the hell did Bradley say to Jake to freak him out like that?

Tags (PRETTY PLEASE have your AGE on your blog or message me about it to be tagged--thank you!):

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#top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #top gun: maverick #tgm #tgm fanfiction #top gun #hangman fic #hangman x reader #hangman series #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin x you #hangman x you #jake hangman x reader #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin fic #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin #jake hangman x you #jake hangman fic #the danger zone

[dduane]

Middle Kingdoms "Tale of the Five" Mark V covers, minimalist (type 1) group, TDIF

This is the only one of these where I'm not going to put the work under a cut, because there are going to be twelve of them before I'm done, and I don't want to bore people with the roughs in progress.

So this was the sketch for this group's Door Into Fire cover the other day...

And here's a rough example of what I was seeing in my head.

Possibly a little on the nose, but (a) I had to start somewhere, and (b) it was 1 AM when I finished work on this one and I was beyond caring. :)

The "since we're talking about doors, let's lean into that" concept is one that's appeared in previous covers on this series—both mine and other people's—but none of mine have looked this polished, because I just wasn't as good at this stuff ten years ago as I am now, and I've now got far better tools.

...Though one hilarious exception to this situation has been applied to the lettering. The extremely nice Eye Candy plugin from Exposure Software once in its much earlier versions ran on both Corel Photo Paint (my preferred design software for pushing three decades now) and Adobe's various versions of Photoshop. But for whatever reason(s), that situation came to an end. Now, I have Eye Candy for Photoshop... but I really hate Photoshop, and avoid using it whenever possible.

So in order to add some pop to the Cinzel Decorative font on this page, I had to go elsewhere... which in my case means to the little Samsung notebook computer that lives (mostly snoozing) in the front window of the living room, and is still running Windows XP. (Because of this it's never allowed to go online any more, as it can't be made secure.) I refuse to get rid of it because we've traveled too far together, and I've written too many books on it, and I love it too much. But its other chief virtue is that it will still run Corel 11 (which my newer Windows machines refuse to do). And the install of Corel PP 11 in the Samsung will still happily run the old version of Eye Candy, which has all the familiar presets that I tinkered together over years of use. I really need to sit down, eventually, and figure out how to train the current version of Eye Candy to accept the presets from the older one.

But today is not that day. Today I just plugged in the .cpt Photo Paint file and edited it to add the golden-colored effect on those letters. That was all this rough needed for me to kick it to one side and get on with thinking about the next one.

Anyway, for those interested in materials: the hand and the doorway were created using Daz Studio. The blue fire is stock art. (I do have a very nice app called Flame Painter, from Escape Motions, but I'm not yet expert enough with it to use it much in cover work.) The basic (parent) font is Cinzel, as I mentioned: both Cinzel Bold and Cinzel Decorative Bold variants are used in this cover.

There are still a number of things that can use some tweaking in this one, but as I said, this is a rough. Over the next week or so I'll get around to the other two in this set, and get a better sense whether this whole idea is workable—as if the style doesn't work well across all three covers in the trilogy, it's useless.

And now I'm going to go make some oatcakes, as @petermorwood someone seems to have eaten all the ones I made last week. :)

(cc: @mutantenfisch: Links to the print copies at Amazon are over here, if you don't feel like waiting for the new covers...)

#Middle Kingdoms #Middle Kingdoms meta #The Door Into Fire #cover design #tag to make finding these easier: #MK Mk 5 covers

[i-hate-people-1]

This is part three of my Warren Rojas fanfic I hope you enjoy!!! Also if you have any ideas for a name for this series let me know because I haven't been about to come up with anything good. Anyways thank you so much for reading xx

Masterlist

Warren Rojas X Reader

Karen "Now that I think about it, I don't remember seeing one without the other much after that."

It was true—you and Warren had been inseparable. You did everything other than work together. You needed to go to the store; Warren was going with you. He needed new drumsticks, and you were going with him.

The one exception is parties. Warren thrived at parties; he loved people and was loud, bubbly, and fun. always up for trying something new. You, however, hated parties. They made you anxious; they were too loud, and there were far too many people.

So on a night like tonight, when Karen had invited everyone to a party her friend was throwing, you politely declined, making the excuse that you needed to paint your guest room.

It was true; you had been putting it off for quite some time. Not going to a party just happened to be the perfect motivation.

"Are you sure you don't want to come? It's going to be really fun!” Warren asked, looking through his chest of drawers in the living room. You were laying on the couch, better known as Warren's makeshift bed. Helping him pick out an outfit for the party

"Yes, I'm sure," you told him, hoping it would be the last time he'd ask. You had stood your ground all day every time he had asked so far, but Warren had a way of convincing you to do stuff.

"Okay, fine," he sighed, holding up an outfit: a pair of flowy tan pants, a white collared button-up, and a black vest. "How's this?"

"Are you going for pirate?"

"Not particularly"

"Then lose the shirt," you told him, standing up to look in his drawer. You found a grey tank top and said, "Here, wear this instead." You threw him the shirt, and he caught it, holding it out with a huge smile overtaking his face.

"You're a genius!" he exclaimed, running over to you and picking you up, and twirling you around.

"Put me down," you laughed. "You need to change or you're going to be late," you told him, still laughing.

He sat you down gently, moving the hair that had fallen out of your face. His finger outlined your cheekbone, hand resting there. You swallowed nervously at the closeness, staring into his eyes as he inched closer. And despite your nervousness, you did too.

Just as you both started to close your eyes, you heard the front door open. You quickly jumped away from each other, your gaze falling to the floor.

"I should change," Warren chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

“Yeah, I should go home anyway," you told him, standing still despite your statement.

  "Warren, why aren't you dressed yet?" Karen asked him as she walked in from the kitchen.

"I'm going," he said, walking away quickly.

"What's wrong with him?" Karen asked.

"Nothing," you said quickly, deciding to cut your losses and starting your walk home, leaving a confused Karen behind.

You slid down your door as soon as you closed it, head falling to your knees. "Ughhhhh," you grunted loudly. picking your head up and walking into your guest room, trying to forget about what happened between you and Warren just moments before.

A few hours later, you had finished painting your guest room, and now you were just sitting on your couch watching TV, the events of earlier today still heavy on your mind.

Just as you were getting ready to go to bed, you heard the front door knob jiggle followed by a knock. You looked at the door slowly, standing up and grabbing a lamp off your entryway table, when you heard another knock. You held the lamp up, ready to swing, unlocking the door and opening it quickly, letting out a breath of relief when you were met with Warren's smiling face.

"Warren, what the hell, you scared the shite out of me," you told him, holding his hand over your heart in an attempt to calm its rapid beating.

"Sorry," he whispered, pushing past you, stumbling, and falling onto your couch head first.

"Warren?" you said, closing the door and walking to the couch. sitting in front of the couch, facing him.

"Yes?" he whispered, turning his head to the side.

"Are you okay?" you asked, moving the hair out of his eyes. It was the first time you got a good look at them and how bloodshot they were, and he smelled of cigarettes and booze. It wasn't a bad smell; it was very warren-like, like, actually, he had a way of pulling it off.

"No," he told her, smiling brightly and laughing despite what he just said. This made you furrow your brows in question.

"You really have no idea, do you?" He asked you with a frown overtaking his face.

"What are you talking about?" You asked back, laughing nervously, confused as to what he was talking about.

"Ughhh," he groaned loudly, sitting up abruptly and running a hand down his face, leaving it resting there. His change of position made you get up from the floor, pull your coffee table closer, and sit down on it. Pulling his hands away from his face gently, you lifted his face with one hand while the other held his resting in his lap.

"Warren, what's going on?" you asked, trying not to startle him.

"I can't do this anymore," he told you, his big brown eyes staring deeply into your soul.

Your heart started racing at his statement. You had so many questions do what life? The band? Partying? Or worse of all your friendship? You opened your mouth to say something, but Warren quickly put his hand over your mouth.

"I know you don't feel the same, and that's okay, I just needed to tell you so please don't say anything because in my drunken state I can take the rejection," Warren told you while lying back down on the couch. Your eyebrows furrowed deeper; you were trying so hard to figure out what the hell he was talking about. But your thoughts were interrupted by Warren's soft snores.

You smile down at him, covering him with a blanket and brushing the hair out of his eyes once more before leaning down to kiss his cheek softly.

"I love you," Warren mumbled, making you freeze in your place, eyes widening. You pulled away as your mind caught up to you.

"Warren," you whispered, wondering if he was awake at all. When he didn't respond, you just kept staring at his sleeping face. Despite all the thoughts running around your head, you just smiled and said, "You know, as insane as it may sound, I think I love you too." You told his sleeping form this while standing up and walking to your room, looking at him one last time before turning off the light and heading to bed.

You woke up the next morning with the sun shining brightly in your eyes. It was 9:00 AM on a Saturday, so you took a few minutes to keep lying in bed, taking your time to wake up.

When you finally did get up, you threw on a big t-shirt and headed toward the kitchen, surprised when you heard someone already in there glancing at the couch and relaxing when you didn't see him there.

"Good morning," you said, seeing Warren at the stove making some french toast.

"Good morning," Warren replied softly, not looking at you. The air in the room was awkward, and you felt like you could cut the tension with a knife.

After getting some coffee, you sat down at the table and waited for Warren to finish. After a few minutes, he came to sit beside you, sliding a plate of two pieces of French toast—one with a whipped cream frowny face and the other with a poorly written "I'm sorry."

You laughed at this, looking over at Warren, who was still avoiding your gaze. "Why are you sorry?" you questioned.

"I came to your house in the middle of the night, super drunk, and passed out on your couch," he whispered.

"Warren, look at me," you paused, moving his head gently to meet your eyes, frowning when you were met with his sad ones. "You have nothing to be sorry for," you told him, smiling when you saw a small one on his lips.

You both started eating your French toast, and Warren had a plate of greasy bacon.

"I also threw up on your blanket, so I'm sorry about that too," he said before shoving some bacon in his mouth. (It was all good, though, as he had already put it in the washer for you.)

 

Y/N "I just wanted to shake him and ask him if he really loved me that whole day, but he was asleep when he said it, so I couldn't really hold that against him."

Warren " yeah...” warren paused looking at the camera seriously “I was wide awake,"

#warren rojas x reader #warren rhodes x reader #warren rhodes #warren rojas #daisy jones #billy dunne #eddie roundtree #daisy jones and the six #graham dunne #julia dunne #karen sirko

[midnightbabylon]

Play With Fire

Part One

summary: Your boyfriend surprised you with a romantic weekend in Northern California. Only he didn't expect his car to break down in Charming. As if that wasn't bad enough, he sent you down the road in the dark to the Teller-Morrow automotive repair shop. Just there you ran into a forbidden handsome man who could be the answer to all your problems or your downfall.

pairing: jax teller x fem!reader

word count: 3.3k

warnings: violence, swear words, domestic violence, more language

A/N: First Jax Teller series because lately I started watching SOA and I am obsessed! with this man. When I tell you this man is so fine!! Damn.Enjoy : ) Also I really wanted this to be a bit slowburn so there will be more parts don’t worry ;)

But if you can‘t read stuff like this please skip!!

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

The first chords of Life is a Highway sounded from the radio and you couldn't hide your smile. You loved that song. Your forehead was leaning against the cold windshield of the truck. Silently you began to shape the text with your lips before Kian suddenly barked, “Could you stop that?!”. When he suggested this trip yesterday morning, you thought he might get back on track, but right after that reaction, you knew he'd never get better. A romantic weekend in Northern California, how thoughtful. Why do you think he used that excuse? How could you survive such a long drive if you couldn't even sound your favorite songs with humming? You kept looking out the window and rolling your eyes so he wouldn't see it. “How long are we still on the road?” you asked cautiously. Kian sighed and looked at the small screen, which was the only light source in the car. “We still drive through this strange town called Charming and then turn to the hut.” Less than five minutes later, you passed the giant tree disc with the name of the city. It was only dimly lit, yet you had to smile. “Funny, did you see? Our name says it all.” Smiling, you looked at your boyfriend who was just staring out. You dropped your head against your seat and looked at the houses and the countryside. You could just read the sign of an automotive repair before the car went further towards the outskirts of town. Just when you wanted to be sad about leaving the sweet city there was a loud bang and Kian slowed down before he parked on the side of the road. “Shit!” Confused, you looked over to him. “What was that? Was that the tire?” Angry, he looked at you and you backed away. Then he got out and slammed the door before he ran to the back of the car. Nervously you chewed on your black-painted fingernails. A short time later, Kian was back in the driver's seat breathing loudly. “The tire is fucking junk and I don’t have any spare in the trunk.” You squeezed your fingers nervously. “There was a car repair shop earlier.” you point your finger backwards. “Maybe they’re still open.” Kian hit the steering wheel hard and you had to jerk automatically. “Okay. Go and ask if they change the tire for us no matter what price.” You looked out the window in disbelief. It's pitch black out there. “It’s dark.” “And?” Kian asked, and you watched how his jaw muscles tightened.

The last time you disobeyed his orders, you had to put makeup on your blue eye for the next four days. “Okay okay I’ll go.” When you got out, you pulled your jacket tighter in the cool air and walked back a few miles at the side of the road. You kept blowing warm air into your hands. The nights were very cool although California is actually so warm. After a felt eternity you finally saw the yellow-red sign: Teller - Morrow Automotive Repair. One of the three gates was only half open, so you ran quickly towards it. Before you could look in, a man came out who just put a glowing cigarette in his mouth. You two stumble back a few steps. “Oh God, I’m sorry,” you said quickly and couldn’t help but look. The blonde hair was covered under a cap. He was wearing black jeans with white Airforce. Your gaze flew up and you saw the black hoodie and the eye-catching coat. He seemed to be in some kind of club or gang. “Everything’s alright, but we are closed.” he put the cigarette back between his lips expressionlessly. Your heart sank to the ground. “Really? It’s an emergency.” nervously you looked back to the street. “What happened?” he asked calmly. “The truck ... so our truck. The tire has burst and we have to change it.” He blew a cloud of smoke into the night and surveyed you. “We can change the tyre tomorrow morning. No important appointments have come in yet.” Shaking your head, you looked back to the road. “You don’t understand. The tire has to be changed today. He’ll pay you whatever you want.” He casually pushed himself off the wall and came towards you. “Honey, you’re very nervous. What’s going on?” Before he could touch you, you took a step back. Kian would immediately notice that handsome guy's perfume and punish you for it.

“Please! Can’t you make an exception? I’ll get in trouble if this isn’t done today. ” Actually, you didn't want to be so honest, so you took a breath when you noticed how quickly that confession came over your lips. The blonde man across from you pulled his eyebrows together. “Okay, I’ll take a look at that. Prospect,” he shouted inside. A skinny guy with a similar coat came out. “Come with us. We might still have something to do today.” Relieved, you audibly breathed out air. "Thank you." The two men then followed you to Kian's location. When he noticed you with the escort, he also got out and looked at the two men suspiciously. “There are supposed to be problems here?” Kian crossed his arms and pointed to the tire. “It has to be changed,” he said stiffly and pulled forward. He put an arm around your hip and you tried to keep a straight face. “We can take the car with us and change the tire by tomorrow morning when we have all the parts.” he turned his cap on his head and looked at the tire. “Isn’t that possible tonight? We still have something to do.” Kian grinned disgustingly and the sloppy guy looked embarrassingly touched into the darkness. “Now listen Man,” said the handsome blonde guy, whose name you still didn’t know. “The store is closed, I can only offer you to do it first thing tomorrow. I know a place where you could stay for the night.” You gave Kian a look and he talked for a few minutes before the Prospect pulled up with a tow truck. Kian watched every move of the mysterious mechanics and then his truck was loaded. “Do you want to go with me?” the little weakling asked you and before you could answer Kian did it for you. “We’ll walk to your shop alright.” You pressed your lips together and the long-haired one held on to the side of the tow truck and drove off. When you arrived at the right place , a middle-aged woman stood beside the two gentlemen.

“Hi, I’m Gemma. I’ll show you the place to sleep for the night. If you need more things, you can still get the stuff out of your car. Kian looked at you briefly before he got in with the young man, exhaling loudly. “Honey, if this guy gives you any trouble, call me,” muttered the woman, whose breasts were pushed higher than an 18th century maid. Impressive, even you had to look. You took the file card in your hand and made it disappear into your bra before Kian could see it. Gemma smiled at you and took you and Kian to her car. Behind you came down the big gate with a rumps and then you already sat in the dark Cadillac. The trip was short and you were dropped off at a nice little house. “You can stay here for the night. Nobody will bother you, my guest bed is freshly made.” Uncertain you looked at the beautiful decor. “Oh, we can’t accept that. Isn’t there a motel in town?” Gemma turned to you smiling. “Yeah, honey, but that’s shabby and you don’t want bedbugs.” Kian put an arm very tightly around your shoulder and pressed you against him, a sign that you'd rather keep your mouth shut. “That is very courteous and kind. We will return the favor. Thank you for your hospitality.” You said thank you quietly, and Gemma left and left you alone in the little guest room. “Can’t you even let it go? God every time you drive us further into shit. Be glad we don’t have to go to a filthy motel in this goddamn place.” Kian knocked the bag over in anger and his wild look hit yours. “I’m sorry,” you said softly. “Yeah you should be sorry!” he yelled and hugged your face tightly that it hurt. You squint your eyes and he let you go. “I’m going to take a shower, see if you can find something edible.” You felt uncomfortable at the thought of ransacking Gemma's kitchen, but you still went to look. The fridge was empty, but you saw a small order card from a restaurant called Lumpy's Restaurant. You quickly pulled your smartphone out of your pocket and asked if they still had an open kitchen and if they would deliver.

At the same time Gemma arrived again at the Sons clubhouse and lit herself a cigarette. “I don’t like this guy from the little girl.” Her son Jax raised his head and swallowed his last sip of beer. “The couple from just now? Where did you take them?” Gemma sat down with a whiskey in her hand. “Yeah them… I took them to your house. I won’t let that girl go to the motel with that creep. Something’s wrong with them and I bet it’s because of that little cock sucker. She’s scared in his presence. ” She shoved the whiskey down her throat. “Mom they’re leaving tomorrow morning, why does the well-being of that girl matter to you?” Gemma pulled her cigarette and nodded. “You’re right. ”

“Kian, please,” you whimpered and hot tears ran down your cheeks as you squatted in the corner of the room. “Little bitch, you can’t do anything right.” the beer bottle smashed over you against the wall and glass fell down on you. You're lucky he didn't hit you this time. God, you couldn't show yourself in front of these helpful people tomorrow when Kian destroyed everything in his drunken rage. How many times have you wanted to escape from this relationship and couldn't. You've been with this man for five years now, and the first three years went great. He was kind, courteous, and he would never hurt you. Ever since someone flirted with you at a New Year's Eve party and Kian started the biggest fight in town, he hasn't been the same. He could never let you go anywhere alone without thinking someone else would snatch you away from him. He smelled you to find out men's perfume, even tracked your car and your cell phone and controlled everything else you did. Twice you wanted to break up, move out of town and start a new life without him. And every time, he'd sneak up on these plans and beat you so hard, you couldn't even go to the hospital. He nursed you at home and apologized to you crying and vowed never to do something like that to you again. And now you're crawling back to the ground, wishing it was all just a dream. The restaurant had delivered a false pizza, and then he was just looking for more reasons to destroy this room and you. “That blonde asshole from the workshop just wanted to fuck you! And I bet you wanted to fuck him as well, you little bitch.” He tore your hair and forced you to look at him. “Please! I didn’t want to fuck him. You’re the only man I love and look at. Your are the only man that fucks me.“ Your head flew violently to the side and your cheek burned from its blow. ‘Bullshit.’ Even through his closed teeth, you could see his spit fly. “I’m sorry, please! You have to believe me.” You had your hands folded in a prayer position. “Get up,” he murmured threateningly, and when you didn’t react immediately, it pulled your arm roughly upwards. “We’ll get out of here in the morning and you’ll never waste a thought on this town and this man again.” After he let you go, you rubbed your arm and went to the bathroom. Your eye rings were clearly visible, just like the red spot from the slap. You'd have cover this up tomorrow if it didn't go away on its own. After an extended shower, you put on long clothes and went to bed with Kian. He was watching TV with a new bottle of beer in his hand. “Is there another one?” he asked sharply, holding the beer in front of you. “I’m going to check.” Tomorrow you'll have to replace the six-pack. After Kian had finished his last beer, he fell asleep drooling on the bed. You couldn't sleep, so you cleaned up the room and scrubbed the wall so you couldn't see the beer stain. After you had scrubbed the bathroom and the carpet it was only a few hours until the supermarket opened. Frustrated you drove through your hair and also disposed of the garbage and packed the bag so far back together. Punctually at 7 you bought the exact beer and also got provisions for the ride and some breakfast. Kian was still asleep, so you put on your makeup and had a cup of coffee. At 8 o'clock Gemma was there and honked. Less than two minutes later, she was in the hallway saying hello. Her blonde streaks in her dark hair were kind of a calming sight, because Kian wouldn't dare do anything now. “Thank you for driving us back to the automotive repair shop. I’ve put a little something in the kitchen to thank you, and I’ve already done the laundry.” Gemma smiled. “Oh, honey, you didn’t have to do that, but thank you.” “Okay,” Kian threw in and raised both of his hands and you took a step back, just out of reflex. Gemma gave Kian a murderous look and then walked you to her car. During the ride, she checked your face through the rearview mirror. You felt her look and you were afraid she might see through the make-up.

Kian strolled straight into the garage without saying thank you and watched as his truck was being worked on. Gemma moved into a small adjoining house and gave you a cup of coffee in a shabby mug. “He hurts you, doesn’t he?” Your hand would have started to tremble without the cup. “You don’t have to lie, honey, I’ll see that.” she seemed almost shaken as she lit a cigarette. “How long has it been?” You started shaking your head. “It doesn’t matter. Please, he can’t know that we are talking about such things.” She made a derogatory noise. “He’s busy. And I’ll make sure it stays that way.” Uncertain you were chewing on your lip. “Do you have a toilet?” she nodded and showed you the door. Gemma took the chance and all you could hear was her heels rattling over the asphalt. She leaned against Kian's truck while Jax was changing the tire. Jax gave her a puzzled look. “What kind of romantic hut are you going to? Have you been there before? Can you recommend it or not? Sounds really good.” Kian inspected her strictly. “This is our first time, but it looks promising.” Gemma smiled and Kian's gaze wandered down to her blouse. That motherfucking dick, thought Gemma. “Oh yeah? No more huts around. It’s good that no one hears her screams when you hit her, isn’t it?” she blew the smoke of the cigarette towards him and Kian tightened his shoulders before he bent dangerously toward her. Jax was standing within an blink of an eye. “Stay back, that’s my mother.” Kian now looked at him threateningly. “And she should hold back about what she says,” he growled, and your voice broke through that staring. “What’s going on here?” “Nothing is going on here. It was just a misunderstanding, was it?” Kian cleared himself and stepped back a bit. “Yes, I think so too. You don’t want to mess with us.” At that very moment, a handful of bikers drove onto the site and parked in a row. They also wore the leather cloak with the reaper on it. “Can I talk to you for a second?” your partner asked and his wild eyes made you swallow nervously. “What did you tell that bitch?!”, he asked indignantly as he had dragged you a few feet behind him. “Kian they are watching us,” you said softly and he noticed the many pairs of eyes that were all directed at you. “I’m still waiting for an answer,” he muttered. “I didn’t tell her anything, nothing at all. She gave me a coffee and then showed me the toilet.” Kian braided his teeth like a rabid dog. “I believe you now. But I’m telling you.” he raised his hand and pointed at you. “If I find out you lied to me, then you wish you never met me.” He ran past you back to the car and you muttered quietly in front of you: “That’s what I’ve already wished for.” All of a sudden, Kiran was like a changed man, and he stormed at you from behind. Immediately Gemma was on alert and many heads that had already turned away looked back in your direction. “What was that you little whore?” Kian clapped and pushed you hard to the ground. Your cheek scratched the floor and your lip burned before you felt something liquid run over it. Stunned, you put a finger on your lip and stared at the blood. “EY.” sounded a lot of voices and the click behind Kiran made him freeze. “I thought you didn’t want to mess with us,” muttered the handsome guy with a gun drawn and loaded. Gemma was right there and helped you up. “Is everything okay, honey?” Your lip started to tremble. He had never lost control in public and especially in front of complete strangers. “No, it’s not okay.” Tears were burning in your eyes and you looked at Kian. “You’ve gone too far. I’ve been keeping you company for years and letting you do everything you do to me. But now that fucking stops. Fucking strangers? These people were watching us. You’ve gone mad.” Laughing, he looked at you and spat on the floor in front of you. “You’re crazy. I put up with you for five years!” Your hand slipped and it clapped loudly across the yard, which brought in some “ohs.” from the men. ‘You piece of shit.’ Gemma introduced herself to you. “Beware your tongue.”

Kian grinned dangerously. “What are you going to do about it, bitch?” Gemma pulled out and it cracked loudly while your boyfriend screamed in pain. “Take advice from a mother. You should leave town and never see that girl again. Do we understand?” Kian nodded and held his nose. “Get your things out of the car.” she gently pushed you towards the truck. After you took your things and the keys to your apartment, the men pushed Kian into the truck. “Our relationship is officially over. Have a nice life.” Gemma rubbed soothingly over your arm as you watched Kian drive off the compound and never come back. “Should we take you somewhere?” asked the good-looking blonde. “I’d like to go to the motel in your small town,” you said quietly. He gave you a black helmet and then took you to the Rogue River Motel on his motorcycle . “Thank you.” smiling, you took off the helmet and gave it back to him. “No reason. Oh, I’m Jax just by the way.” Smiling, you turned to him. ‘Y/N.’ Then you went to the entrance of the motel. “Nice to meet you Y/N.” he shouted after you and winked at you. “Don’t make me regret meeting you, Jax Teller.” The last thing you saw was his fat grin before you closed the motel door behind you.

#jax teller imagine #jax teller #sons of anarchy #samcro #jackson teller #jax x reader

[imjustabeanie]

Hey there! It’s Morgan (@whiskersz) here for the matchup trade! First of all, I’m very happy that you came to me for a trade, I didn’t even know these were a thing before seeing your work!

Some basic info – I’m 20, use he/they pronouns, I’m Bisexual and Nonbinary and I have no preference for the gender of who I’m gonna be matched with :) I'm also Italian!!

So, I guess I should start by saying that I’m quite the introvert. I find it very difficult to start a conversation with people I don’t know and even when we’re already acquainted it takes me a while to open up fully. I’ve been called scary before, which happened also because I naturally look a bit annoyed all the time and apparently I don’t laugh at many things.

Once I open up though, I’m very silly! Literally the definition of ‘just a guy’; I like cats, drawing, painting, watching series and playing videogames and shipping myself and my OCs with my favorite characters, and writing about cute scenarios; I also love shopping and ‘dressing to impress’, I never leave the house with a random outfit, I dress in hopes that somebody in the streets will look at me and think that my style is awesome. So, I would say I kind of like attention in a way. Speaking of my style I always dress like I’m straight from the past, I own stuff that used to belong to people who bought it in the 80s, but even earlier! I also really love anything vintage and I’m somewhat of a maximalist, my desk is a mess of trinkets, action figures and jewellery.

As for what I dislike, I really hate gory scenarios, I can’t stand seeing that kind of thing at all and I actually pass out a lot from just hearing the description of such things. I also generally dislike annoying noises such as loud chewing, and people who don’t respect my boundaries. If somebody is like that, I’m not afraid of telling them that they’re getting on my nerves, though if we’re close I’ll be way kinder to them as I tolerate stuff from my loved ones way easier.

It’s maybe unexpected, but in a relationship I’m very loving and caring and I will worry about anything and everything, I’m also very empathetic so if my partner is feeling down I’ll unfortunately feel down as well, but I’m very willing to ignore my feelings since I’m just basically mirroring what they feel as I would rather be supportive and positive in times of need. My love languages are a mess, I basically express my love through words, actions, gifts and expressing that I want to spend time with each other all together; the last one is a bit more special maybe since I rarely feel up to doing things with people in general.

I don’t want to make this too long, so here’s my deal breakers and then we’re done! I’m not a fan of clinginess, I care about my loved ones a lot but I need a lot of space to practice my hobbies and to do my thing in general. I also dislike people who get angry easily, I’m a very chill person so I’d rather be surrounded by equally chill people. For the rest, just be loyal and honest and then we’re chill!

Hope this is all good! Take your time with this and happy writing :3

I nearly answered the wrong ask lmao. So sorry for the wait I hope you like it!

Your hazbin Hotel match is.....Vox!

For husker:

Don’t judge or blame me….your match is…Vox! I was surprised too since I initially hesitated between Husk and Vaggie….and somehow ended up with Vox.

Vox is a passionate man (demon?) to say the least. You did say that it’s difficult for you to start conversations in general so he’ll be the one starting them (and he likes it). What’s annoying with Vox is that it takes a little something special (his own interest) for him to start considering the person if you know what I mean. That’s why my scenario here is that you were a friend of someone in the Hotel (it can be anyone). Vox is interested in the hotel so he socialized with you to get inside infos. When he realized he actually started enjoying your company he acted like a schoolgirl and completely isolated himself because well it’s the first time! After the V’s saw him in that miserable state of mind they finally decided to confront him. It was effective cuz he confessed a week later.

Vox, as the other V’s, sometimes doesn’t respect boundaries (but not as much as the other two) by wrapping his arm around your shoulder or waist without asking first. But once you put him in his place he’ll accept it and then apologize by treating you to a nice date (plus a bouquet of flowers ofc). Something that’s nice is that he does take criticism (unless it’s from Alastor) but he’s too prideful to apologize properly by words. Instead he’ll take a step back and think about his actions so he won’t repeat the same mistakes.

He loves how good you dress up. He also dress to impress and likes someone that’s like him. He commissions new outfits for you almost weekly and always goes all out (velvet helps with the choices and coordination)! You’re the couple that everyone wants to dress up like if it helps. He relishes in the envious looks people give you both, it’s obvious from the big grin on his face (if you let him, he’ll kiss you and basically give the middle finger to everyone watching). Getting matching jewels is a must. I also see him as a watch type of guy so if you get him one he will wear it all the time. When in public, he speaks first and always starts the conversation so you don’t get awkward. If he feels you getting shy he’ll take over.

Vox is basically vintage himself. I can completely see him collecting stuff from all time periods (beside radios) His house is basically an organized hoarder house. Which means he has strings to bring you some very good and rare stuff. Each month he makes it his personal quest to bring you a box of a few rare items. He also brings with him vinyl for you two. After a long day he enjoys listening to music over a nice diner with you. Then he takes your hand and dances around the kitchen/living room. When he comes back home to you, he gets softer/more honest. He tells you about his ups and downs. He takes your opinion very seriously too.

I believe he is too date with all new series/movies (to be expected since he’s in the entertainment industry). That’s why you can always count on him for good recommendations. But if you introduced him to human world series/movies he’d welcome it! This means that you two always write a recommendation list to the other and it makes up for many common topics!

He sucks at video games. He’s too impatient and loves the fast types of games. He does try to have a healthy competition I promise but he gets all sulky when he loses lol. He’d like to get into more time consuming games but he doesn’t have much time (he did get the idea that it’d be good to get into the game industry to bring/brainwash more demons….). He gets jealous easily and it’s not uncommon to find him criticizing every character you matched yourself with. Oh boy I can’t imagine if it’s an actor….poor actor getting glared at will be so confused.

He enjoys your drawings! He gifts you with the supplies since he knows you like drawing as a mean to encourage you. If you actually started a career he’d back you up. If Vox finances animated series he’d give you a shot of actually present your characters to the artist for inspiration. He’s genuinely proud of you for that. He does criticize to help you out of course and if he doesn’t like it he’ll tell you why. Now for cats…I love cats but I don’t see him as an animal person. He won’t stop you from getting a cat but will get jealous if the kitty gets too much attention. Ironically cats love him….He likes that you support him all the time despite his obvious evil ways. We can say that love is keeping you two together.

Now for some bad parts….It happens that Vox gets all worked up (when a certain someone is involved). It’s very rare that he blows up on you due to stress but it happened once or twice (the reason you’re nearby is that he usually hugs you to calm down). He was fully apologetic afterward and even expected you to break up with him for it. Also he has an unhealthy rivalry with Alastor so yeah….

Tada!

#matchups #match ups #hazbin hotel

[dragonofeternal]

So one of the coolest bits of animanga ephemera that I own is probably these two volumes of the Epic Comics printing of AKIRA.

In 1988, American comics publishers were starting to take notice of the growing popularity of Japanese animation, and Marvel wanted a slice of the pie. A few years earlier, they had made the Epic Comics imprint to run more adult stories free of Comics Code censorship, including both standalone titles and non-canonical spinoffs of their more popular characters. The fledgling imprint seemed like the perfect place for a slice of that cool, weird Japanamation pie. They set their sights on Katsuhiro Otomo's AKIRA, which had done well in Japan and was set to get film adaptation that year. The editor of Epic at the time felt that the disaffected youth, psychic powers, and post-apocalyptic sci-fi setting would be familiar enough touch points to make the series resonate with American readers.

However, Epic didn't think that American comics readers would be as drawn to something that read "backwards" and was black and white. So, they did what would become the standard for many years- they flipped the pages to read left-to-right. They then enlisted colorist Steve Oliff to create a full-color version of AKIRA. While it's easy to jump to thinking of this as a butchering of the original work, Otomo was actually fully on board, as he wanted his work to reach as many people as possible. Otomo collaborated with Oliff directly at first, flying out to meet with him and share some of his personal desires for the coloring. He had some initial color guides, stills from the as-of-yet unreleased movie, and a deep passion and desire for his work to do well in the west. For the first five or six issues, Oliff sent all of his colorings off to Otomo for approval, but after that, Otomo was pleased enough that he gave Oliff free reign to go with his instincts for the rest of the comic's run. The colored version was even re-licensed, flipped back to the Japanese order, and released in Japan! I've never seen any copies of that, but I bet it's cool as hell!

I got these as a Christmas present sometime in the mid '00s from my Aunt Ing and Uncle David, who knew I liked anime and manga, but knew absolutely nothing about the stuff. They picked them up at a garage sale in DC for pocket change, and gave them to me along with a second hand copy of the DEVILMAN live action movie from 2004. I clearly remember them saying something along the lines of "Here, I hope you like this! We know you like that manga stuff. Hopefully 'Akira' isn't Japanese for like hardcore donkey porn or something, hahaha!" ...As if you couldn't flip the book open and see what was in it for yourself, Uncle David?

(Also worth noting that I had already seen the Akira movie at this point, so it's not like I didn't know what I was getting into!)

The manga (and the not-long-after release of the anime) made AKIRA a hit in the states. The Epic Comics run split the series into 38 issues that ran from 1988 to 1994. However, the legacy of Epic's colored run has an influence outside of just helping to introduce this iconic series to American readers.

It was also one of the first digitally colored comics.

Oliff and his company, Olyopitcs, were pioneers in using digital coloring methods. While he made initial color guides on paper versions of the pages using traditional methods like pantone films and paint, the finalized versions were all colored digitally, allowing for a wide, rich range of colors. This style of coloring incentivized Marvel to print it on slightly higher quality paper, and the series' success made Marvel more interested in looking to computers as a way to enhance their art and workflow. Perhaps he overstates it a bit, but Oliff credits his Eisner award-winning run as the colorist for AKIRA as the turning point for digital art's acceptance in comics.

It's unlikely that the colored version of AKIRA will ever be re-released, as the rights that Marvel held have LONG since traded hands, first to Dark Horse and then back to Kodansha. Copies of the colored version of AKIRA are hard to come by and pricy now, ranging from $10-100 for a single issue on eBay depending on condition and what particular issue it is (climactic issues are obviously more expensive than more laid back ones). It's not completely out of the question that it'll see the light of day again, however; Oliff still has all the digital files of the colored version of AKIRA, and he has expressed that he would be more than happy to have them reprinted if Kodansha wished to.

If not, though, I still have my two issues, and a very cool piece of anime localization history.

Historical info for this post was fact checked/sourced from this Japan Times article from their 30th anniversary retrospective and this 2016 ANN interview with Oliff. Feel free to check them out if you want to know more!

#long post #Akira #akira (1988) #katsuhiro otomo #fandom #anime history #fandom history #localization #localization history #comics history #doetalks #anime #manga

[dm-clockwork-dragon]

Another Unpopular Opinion

I was asked to delete my earlier reblog by the OP, so they didn’t get sucked into discourse, so I’m reposing this as it’s own thing Well, here I go publicly stating another opinion that will probably get me cancelled. To be entirely fair, I’m sort of beyond caring at this point?

I think people need to calm their fucking tits - homegrown, surgical, or happily removed - over not just this game, but about HP stuff in general.

I’m a recently hatched egg, but I’ve considered myself non-binary for almost 15 years, and been an ally for as long as I knew what an ally was. I also have no particular love for the franchise, despite enjoying it a lot when I was a kid. That’s not virtue signally, or an attempt to defend my position - just letting you all know a little context, and that I do actually have a horse in this race.

I get it, I really do. JK is a fucking terrible person, and should burn in a thousand multicolored hells for the bullshit she spews and the hate she engenders in others. On top of that, she’s a shitty writer, to the point where she accidentally created an entire wizarding world where the difference between the good guys and the bad guys is just what flavor of Nazi you want to choose. But there’s a couple reasons I think that people really need to try and separate her from the franchise that she started.

1. Death of the Author.

This is the one that everyone else gives. It’s possible to enjoy, appreciate, or interpret a creative work in absence of it’s author or their intent. We do it with music, we do it with painting. and Like OP here points out: if we were to burn every book written by a problematic author, we would leave glaring wholes not just in our understanding of our own history and society, but in our understanding of how to avoid the same injustices and suffering caused by those authors. Dead or alive, the author’s right and control over who others interpret their work the moment they share it with the outside world.

2. You guys don’t know how JK makes money, do you?

I see all kinds of arguments out there about how engaging with, or - dare I even mention - paying for HP content is somehow a crime against transfolk because it directly supports a raging TERF and her platform. It doesn’t. Aside from the argument that JK makes all her money through investments and stock market trades - just like any rich person - She also DOESN’T OWN THE FRANCHISE. She retains intellectual property rights: AKA, she can write new books or shit if she likes (we have seen how that goes for her), and she is still treated as the primary source, but the IP and all production rights are owned by Warner Bros. JK doesn’t make a dime off of game, movies, or anything else that WB license or produce based on THEIR franchise. She already made her money by selling the franchise to them years ago. Honestly, she probably got the raw end of the deal at this point. At most, she might get some meager royalties that are eaten up entirely by the cost of paying someone to process them. That’s how publishing contracts and movie deals work - they are a fucking racket.  3. HP isn’t just something some people can throw away.

Like I said above, I sorta grew out of my HP phase, long before any of the issue of JK being a TERF ever came up. And I know that a lot of people who considered themselves fans have also willingly distanced themselves from the franchise in light of her shitty views and actions. But not everyone has that ability. To give you a different example: I grew up reading the Dune books. I finished the core series for the first time when I was 8, and have re-read the entire extended series more than a dozen times since then. It’s more than just my favorite book series, it’s a formative part of who I am as a person. So much of my beliefs and identity as a person have been informed or inspired by those books that I would argue it is impossible to truly understand myself without them. Hell - I’d argue the entire reason I started explore my gender and sexuality in the first place is because of the emphasis those books placed on the “Quisach Haderach” as the perfect fusion of male and female. Even if I were to verbally disavow the series for some reason, those books still define who I am today, and It would be physically impossible for me to separate myself from them Harry Potter is the same way for a lot of people. I think some of us loose sight of just how meaningful those books are to a generation. Not all of us - even within that generation - had the same connection, but for a lot of people who grew up reading them from the time they could turn a page, those books are just as formative and intrinsic to who they are as Dune is to me. they couldn’t separate themselves, even if they wanted to. And pissing all over someone for something they can’t change about themselves is exactly the sort of thing we are supposed to be fighting against! Same can be said of the bible, the Torah, the Quran or any other work that was meaningful and formative to a persons cultural upbringing. Even within the trans community, there are countless Christians, Jews, and Islamic followers. They make the faith their own, because it is an intrinsic and immutable part of who they are. If you are going to condemn Trans or Allies who can’t separate themselves form HP, then you are also condemning any Ally or Transperson who still practices or believes in some form of the religion the grew up with.  4. If we can reclaim slurs, we can reclaim this! I see so many of the same people who rail against HP, also writing or relogging posts about how important it is to reclaim slurs and other labels that have been historically used against us, and I agree. But that shit goes a lot further than just the names we have been called. Reclaiming something from those who would hurt you with it is like picking up the rock that was thrown at you, and saying “neat, this is mine now, you cant have it back”, as opposed to just kicking it back to the abuser so they can hurl it at you again. JK is a terrible person. which is all the more reason that we have a responsibility to take this beloved franchise away from her. She doesn’t deserve it, and as long as it remains in her power, she can continue to use it as a platform to hurt people. And this isn’t without precedent: Look at Butch Hartman, or Joss Wheaton, or Notch, or Gary Gygax. We have a history and a present filled with examples of taking beloved content away from shitty people a deciding “this is ours now, you can’t have it back.” We take those things that were or are important to us, and reframe them, re-write them, or reimagine them into something positive and supportive.  As an author myself, I know quite well how painful it can be to see your work taken away from you, and transformed by people who don’t share your vision. So lets hurt JK where it counts! Not in the wallet, not by railing against her on social media, but by taking away the one meaningful thing she has ever created in her miserable life. Because she doesn’t fucking deserve it.

#HP #harry potter #not dnd #jk rowling #unpopular opinion

[dalt20]

Tooning In 13. Greg Bailey Part 4 of 10

DL: Well. So how was working with Hanna Barbera again with Young Robin Hood?

GB:It was fine. Kind of like going back to my roots as far as working in animation went. On Robin Hood I was running the timing department and lip sync included. I went pretty smoothly from what I remember. It was a good chance to bring the US Saturday morning standards to a Canadian studio.

DL:The Busy World of Richard Scarry for Paramount/Showtime/The Family Channel and France Animation? How did that come to be and how was working on that show?

GB:It was my first animated series to develop and direct on. It became quite a hit and really put Cinar on the map. France Animation was the minority on the project . The only did the Busy World segment. We did the other 2 story blocks as well as the musical interstitials , the opening, the post production so we really did the bulk of it. The Paramount connection was actually quite peculiar and lucky. The people that worked in a portable in the Paramount lot were actually making trailers and publicity and handling some licensing. They were not the film or tv executives. However they had the rights and connection to Huck Scarry (son of Richard Scarry) and they decided they had the power to put together an animated tv series without going through the regular tv and film sections of Paramount. It was pretty gutsy of them to do that and after the show went out and was a success they ended up having to relinquish some control of it to the proper departments over there. Cinar ended up selling the show in over 100 countries worldwide. I really loved the development we did on the show. The characters all had unique walks and lip sync models and we also kept the scenes really busy with lots of details moving around. We also had used a sort of isometric perspective or down shot for the entire show. We avoided all the trendy dramatic cartoon kinds of angles that were and are still popular in animation. Things that are far away are always higher on the screen. This was something from the Scarry books. We also used a lot of white in the background to achieve that kind of vignette sort of look. It wasn't painted solid side to side like typical Nelvana kind of shows. It was really a cool look and I think the stories all had a nice twist ending. It was an interesting show for young preschool kids because we had a lot of information and details they would never have been exposed to. It was very whimsical looking with the things like the pickle car and the banana car and Lowly Worms apple car. But we showed a lot of stuff like how the inside of a fire station operated and the variety of firetrucks they use. I think we had more time to develop different things on that series than most preschool series even dream about nowadays.

DL:Did you have any interference with the Scarry family?

GB:I don't know that I would call it interference, but I did work with Huck quite regularly. His dad was not in the picture. But we would send the models and scripts and storyboards rough cuts to Huck. It all went out by fax machine in those days. He would often be able to send a sketch the next day if he had a better idea for a model or some details on the model in order to keep it in the Scarry world. But he did go through all the material promptly. It is always a matter of getting non-animation people educated about now backtracking on things at a later stage when they finally notice something they want to change. Like, don't start changing the character or background when we send out the storyboard and you have already been shown the designs a few months earlier. I think Huck got used to those things over the course of the season and wasn't a big problem that I can remember.

DL:Also I believe that Richard Scarry sold the rights to France Animation first because he was living in Switzerland. And France Animation was close by in France and they called CiNAR to co-produce and Showtime/Paramount came to broadcast and finance the series.

GB:I didn't know that! We had already been working with France Animation on other shows before that so I figured CiNAR asked them to partner on it. But I understand what you are saying and it's quite possible. I wouldn't know.I am not surprised that Richard Scarry would sell off his rights in Europe. He moved out of the US a long time ago and always had nasty stuff to say about the US. He was super right leaning and rigid from what I know about him. He was avoiding living in a country where he would have to share his taxed money with poor people. I think it would have been pretty crazy doing the show with Richard Scarry.

DL:I never knew he was anti-American.

GB:He was American himself. I would clarify that and say he was anti -America. He was pretty anti-a lot of things.

DL:The Little Lulu show for HBO and Golden Books.

GB:Little Lulu was a series I developed between seasons of Richard Scarry. This time I wanted to do something with a different and strong graphic style to it. So we had these characters and backgrounds with incredibly thin lines. It was still all drawn in pencil or pen in those days so it could be hard to get the proper line sometimes in production. It looked very beautiful but I admit the format of the show with all those small bits and pieces was hard to watch for a whole episode. The stand up comic bits were not funny and were lame. One of the producers loved Seinfeld and was sure that copying Jerry Seinfeld's standup section would work in a cartoon. But how would you get an animation writer to write a stand up routine? It is something that comics try out and constantly refine by reciting it to a live audience. It was the one series that I actually went to do the pitch and sale at HBO. I did the pitch and Ron Weinberg did the sale that is. The HBO producers owed a favour to Tracey Ulman for something she did for free for them, so they insisted we use her to do the voice-over for Lulu as part of the deal. Again it really hurt the series because she sounded old and gruff. She was totally wrong for the part of Lulu. The initial sale was to do 5 specials. So we used her for those 5 shows only. The show went to a full series of 26 episodes before we even delivered the first special. There was a lot of stuff I liked about the show but it wasn't as much of a hit as Richard Scarry was as far as sales went. Also like I say it had some irritating aspects to the episode because of so many little pieces that were not funny or did not help the flow of the episode. I was introduced to some great voice actors on the show like Michael Caloz that did Annie, and Bruce Dinsmore that did Tubby. These were the best characters in the series and I worked with these actors again later on Arthur because of the Lulu Series. I directed the first 5 episodes then I was a supervising director for the remaining episodes. So I was less hands on at that point.

DL:Well I like Tracey Ullman's voice for Lulu as it fitted the character weirdly and also a youtuber pointed it out too about the Seinfeld bits.

GB:In hindsight, I think the way to write the standups would be to give a theme to a standup comic and have them improvise a 30-second routine on the subject. And record it while they do it. Write it down and give the recording and written script to the voice actor to try to copy the timing and natural speaking rhythm of the standup. Something like that. But to get an animation writer to write and script then expect a voice-over actor to attempt to deliver something with the stand-up comic timing was not a good approach. It is not spontaneous sounding. There was a series about a psychiatrist that used stand up comic routines for his patient sessions. I forget the name of the show now.

DL:Dr Gnudo I believe.It was a segment on The Tracey Ullman show.

GB:I was thinking of Dr Katz.

DL:Papa Beaver's Storytime for France 3 and Nickelodeon?Also, did you watch the original Little Lulu cartoons or read the comics?

GB:I did read Little Lulu comics when I was young and I remember the cartoons as well. When we did the new version I watched a lot of them again. The history of Little Lulu was very long as far as the comic but also as a cartoon. It was made by a lot of different studios over the years. So we were just one more part of the line that makes up the history of it. I have a couple of the old comic books from long ago.

DL:That's cool!

GB:I always called Papa Beaver by the French name Pere Castor because we were the minority partner on the project and that was the name of the project until they dubbed it. I was a co-director. I loved those shows at the time because the stories were based on classic folk stories from around the world. So they had good stories and we copied the visual style of each book we used. No 2 shows looked alike. The beaver and the children beavers at the start of each show were done in France by the main director. So we had a lot of fun on our side doing peculiar and unique-looking small cartoons. Some were really weird stories like a raindrop that falls out of the cloud onto the farm field and eventually goes into a river. The story could be any length we wanted as long as it was under 4 minutes. I have never worked on anything that did not have a fixed length before or after that series. It was a fun show to do until people started calling me Pere Castor. I think we did 26 of those stories.

DL:Well, is it because you're Canadian hence the name?

GB:It just sounded like I was so old. If I was American it could have been worse using your logic. I would have been Papa Bald Eagle

DL:LoL! Legend of White Fang for HBO/The Family Channel?

GB:That was my first job at Cinar/Crayon Animation. I was a posing supervisor. That is the posing department would drawn the key animation poses as well as the camera key for camera work and field so it could be sent overseas for animation. Mostly what I remember is that the studio was very disorganized at that point and it was hard to get enough work from the layout department to keep my really small crew supplied with work. they were on piece work so it mattered to them. I did that show for 3 months or so and then the series Bunch of Munsch started falling behind and I got a chance to direct on 2 of the Munch specials.We had a historian as an advisor on White Fang . It was Pierre Berton who every Canadian knew at the time as a regular on CBC. Anyway, the interesting thing he pointed out in one script is that the people could not have sent a telegram to get help from the Mounties in one of the shows, because telegram service was something that was only available along the rail lines. White Fang takes place in the Klondike gold rush which is in the mountains and a few thousand miles away from the nearest railway line. It all seems pretty obvious but you can see how animation writers left on their own had no problem putting in a story point like that which would seem idiotic to anyone that knew how telegram lines work. I remember we had a scene in White Fang where the little girl was being held in a cage by the bad guys in this remote cabin in the wilderness. It was kind of kinky looking. Anyway one day one of the layout guys left a drawing from a scene with white fang hanging by his leg from a tree in a leg-hold trap. It did look pretty grim. The producers were doing a tour of the studio for some daycare teachers, and they saw the picture which freaked them out. Everyone got a lecture about it the next day even though the artist was just following the scene in the storyboard that he was supposed to follow. So for the little girl in the cage in the log shack, we changed that so the bad guy slept outside in the snow beside the cabin. It looked totally insane and confusing. I believe the bad guy's name was Beauty even though he looked like a big thug. So weird stuff happens in animation and it isn't always the animators doing dirty drawings on the side.

DL:Oh well, so you scared some preschool teachers, I find that actually funny.It's weird and absurd.Caillou for Teletoon and PBS?

GB:Caillou didn't run on PBS in the first season. Cinar had joined with Astral and Nelvanna and created the Teletoon Cable station in that period. If I recall it was 50 Astral and 25% each for Cinar and Nelvana.Caillou was developed from a Quebec book property that was already popular in Quebec in French only. So we were working with a local publisher and artist that illustrated the books. I remember there was a lot of push to put hair on Caillou but it just wasn't the same character anymore and I didn't have much problem with him being bald figuring a lot of little kids don't have much hair at that point. Later on people would send letters thanking us for the show because they had cancer and lost their hair too. They believed we did it because Caillou had cancer. I am always happy to hear these little unintended things have good consequences for some people that can use any good news they can get. The show was more popular than I thought it would ever be and it took off and kind of spread, including to PBS. There was always talk of renaming the show because it was hard for English people to read the name. The kids never had any problem with it but it scared the parents. I guess it was good for having made a new word known to Anglophones because we never changed that nor did we give him hair. The name translates as Pebble so that name was already known from the Flintstones so that didn't catch on. I developed the show from a book series to a TV series and directed the first bunch of shows before I moved to Supervising Director on it. I believe we were doing Arthur by then so likely I had worked Caillou during the off-season on Arthur. Caillou got kind of messed up after a few seasons when they added some live-action parts to the show. I heard that the kids that had been following the show in the earlier years were having traumas and crying because someone turned off Caillou. They were actually crying because a producer or sales executive messed up a perfectly fine show for little kids by adding some marketing idea to the show. The kids finally got their way and they took that crap out on the following seasons. Some parents often complained that Caillou was too whiny and their own kids never whined. I think they never sat in a restaurant behind their own kids, however. They were probably whining because of the live-action scenes in the Caillou show.

DL:Did you supervise the lost grandmother scenes of Caillou?

GB:What do you mean? The storyteller?

DL:Yes it was the opening format for the show in season 1-4 as the caillou segments were stories she read to her grandchildren.And were animated in a different style then Caillou segments.

GB:I remember going to the record session for those parts. It was pretty brutal. The actress was a former grammar school teacher and was very stubborn about the way she was willing to act out the line even when it didn't make sense in the overall context of the scene. I don't think it would make the show worse to remove that section except that kids don't have time to go get a snack before the story begins.

DL:Animal Crackers for Alphaim, Teletoon and Fox Kids.

GB:I didn't have a lot to do with the show in the end. At that time I was head of the visual look of new shows in development. The show almost sold itself because it was well known from the comic strip and the look was popular. It still always needs to be developed for TV but it went through my hands pretty fast before it was sold for a series. I was a Supervising Director on it. but not very hands on. It was a cute show but it didn't run very long.

DL:Paddington Bear for Filmfair/TF1/HBO and ITV?

GB:Paddington Bear. Interesting history on that property. It came about because Cinar bought Filmfair. FlimFair made the original series that ran on PBS as probably their first animated series. It was probably on PBS in one of their first year of being. Anyway we all thought we had fond memories of that old series so we all rushed out to watch old episodes of the show. Wow, was it ever crude. Anyway Filmfair still owned the rights for television. Michael Bond was still alive and he was all excited to do a new series. So I read a book or 2 of his books of short stories. I realized quickly why I never read them to my daughter when she was young. The stories were not even stories and they were trite and sentimental. The stories didn't have an ending; they just waffled away into nothingness. Michael was very involved and kept his nose in the business of the scripts on the series. He did his best to make those nothing endings on the stories so that was a barrier to making a decent show. The illustrations in the book are very scribbly and drawings with no structure so they didn't offer anything we could use to base the characters on. I'm not too happy in the end with the look we got for the characters. They are terribly typical looking characters for a preschool show at the time. It looks very generic like Denise the Menace or any number of shows with no style. Michael Bond thought that every time Paddington would say marmalade that it was just hysterical so it is in every show and it never makes me laugh. It's the trite kind of thing I mentioned. I did visit Paddington station in London the one time I was in London for a few hours. The idea was that Paddington Bear got his name because he was found wandering around in Paddington Station. The station is a really amazing example of 19th century iron work. It was designed by Isambard Brunel the great inventor of iron ships and buildings. There is a cartoon short from the UK about him that is excellent.

DL:I didn't like Paddington either, but I like the live action film. Have you seen the film?

GB:No, I didn't. I'm sure it was better than the series. Does the story have an ending? We should have just let Film Fair make a new stop-motion Paddington. It would have been well received. Paddington had a very extensive licensing franchise. We had these licensing people come from the UK and they explained how the image has been used all over the world and how it goes out of popularity just as it becomes popular somewhere else for some totally unrelated product. Some places in Asia gave free towels in laundry boxes and other places like Holland made cookies with the image. It was really interesting to see how licensing makes money like that.

#animation #animation interview #tooning in. #greg bailey #cinar #90s cartoons #the little lulu show #little lulu #papa beaver #paddington #paddington bear #hbo #nick jr #canadian cartoons #richard scarry #the busy world of Richard scarry #nickelodeon

[twigg96]

Tag Game: Ten True Facts About Me

Rules: Share 10 facts about yourself and tag other blogs! I want to get to know my mutuals, and the people I follow a little bit :) The facts can be about anything!

Tagged by: the lovely @ir0n-moon thank you so much my dear 💕💕

1. I used to be big into cosplay. I used to hand make cosplay costumes, props, and once even attempted to make a wig. I have only ever been to a few conventions but I miss the community I used to share with fellow cosplayers pre-Covid.

2. I had an Anime Amino if anyone remembers that app. This was back during an age before discord. Back during the time I took a break from Tumblr (2015-17? Maybe) I started on Amino to look for community and friendship during a time I felt like I had none. Amino was literally just a mix of Tumblr with random blogs and discord with its chat rooms option. People mostly used it for RPs and other community events. It was a great time honestly kinda sad they killed the site.

3. I love weird ass music. I’m not talking like “oh that new album by famous artist with a weird name” no! I’m talking music that will make normal people run screaming into the next room. Give me remixed pirate/Viking songs all day long. You don’t even have to remix them. I’ll take them as is if you’re feeling spicy. Heavy metal versions of songs that have no right being metal (Disney songs, pop songs, country). 🤤. Those artists are doing gods work. Random 80’s songs. The sluttiest dirtiest music you can think of. Jazz. All of it man I love all of it as long as it’s weird.

4. My very first fan fiction was written on fan fiction.net. I used to have two accounts it was because I forgot my password for the first one but then I used the second account more than the first so it all worked out. I kinda want to archive the stuff from those accounts onto AO3 even though I’m not in those fandoms anymore. Just so I have the content.

5. My first ever crushes were on Shego and Kim Possible from said show. I didn’t know how to verbalize this as a kid so I told everyone I loved Justin Timberlake from *NSYNC.

6. I’ve been thinking about publishing a few books. I have some ideas for a few novels, series, and kids books. I just don’t know where to start or even if they’re worth while.

7. I have two dogs and two cats! My puppies names are Maizy and Chihiro. They are both Labs and are just the cutest angel babies! My cats are Eevee and Oreo. Eevee is chunk rescue baby. Oreo is our prissy princess who needs to be held at all times.

8. I have never once reset one of my animal crossing villages. I’ve had three on three different games. Game Cube, DS, and Switch. I always do my best to name the village perfectly , I would do anything in my power to have the perfect neighborhood/ villagers, I would even piss off Mr. resetti back when he was a thing just to get a second chance to try an interaction again.

9. I’m thinking about starting to stream on Twitch. Nothing too serious. Just something fun that I can try to do!

10. I am a huge collector. I collect many things lol old books, (first editions, cool instructional books, books published earlier than 1955, All the Stephen King novels), ART! I love art. All of it. Prints from artists I buy from. Hand made pieces I randomly find at art fairs and craft shows, paintings, those mystery boxes that hold figurines in them I fucking love them so god damned much.

I think I’ll tag @nsfwitchy, @normanblowup, @morbid-pigeon, @el-michoacano, @gointothevvater, @gogomeaty,

#twiggy talks #tag game #fun facts #facts about me #get to know me

[other-peoples-coats]

coats hello!! if you remember im the anon who semi-majorly fucked up at work. that thing went okay, i think i mostly overreacted but your advice was still very useful. it was very helpful to have my worries acknowledged <3

a different, totally and completely unrelated question lol: im thinking about leaving my current job, and while i don't have a different job lined up yet, i do have a date at which i want to leave. would it be best to hand in my resignation letter as required by my contract (e.g. two weeks in advance) or earlier than that (e.g. a month)? are there any hidden pros and cons or does it just boil down to courtesy?

Hi anon! thanks for the update - and I'm so glad it worked out ok! Unfortunately, I can help far less with this question; I've never actually...handed in advanced notice, as it were. My career has been a series of contract work (no notice required) or being made redundant (notice from the company required). That said; in general, giving notice comes down to: 1) (most importantly) the labour laws in your area. Some places, giving extra notice makes you legally protected from being fired until your notice period is up (or at least, fired for bullshit, not like, 'burnt the office down' sort of insta-fire stuff); some places, it paints a target on your back. before you do anything, 100% go find the labour department relevant to you and read up on your rights and protections.

2)how much you trust your boss/company. Not how much you like them, how much you trust them to not fuck you over if you give two extra weeks notice - firing, but also 'here's twenty projects to complete', guilt trips, etc.

3) how much you want to keep any bridges after you leave. If you hate your boss and your job and you don't work in an industry where everyone knows everyone and talks to each other all the time, maybe you can go full mad cunt and cool guy walk away from the bonfire of the bridges when you turn in your two weeks and are like 'see ya suckas'; maybe you want to be like 'wow yeah so sorry to go I just need to [plausible lie/work on myself/great opportunity/whatever] and hand in your two weeks, bridges intact for three years when you need a reference.

I...am not inclined to give your job (any job) any more advanced notice of you leaving than is legally mandated*, but that's because I am a cynical person who feels that, y'know, your job might fuck you but it's never going to love you.

Throwing this one open to the floor though; feel free to weigh in anyone who's actually ....been in industries where giving notice was common.

*exception here for unique circumstances like 'I've got this great new job starting y; here is my notice so we can transition smoothly to the new person in [specific role]/wrap up [specific you project] or whatever'; if you're in this situation you probably know.

#coats chats #coats vs capitalism #anon asks #coats sketchy advice corner #employment anon

[catladywriter]

Inotan Fanfic: Nosebleed - Chapter 4

Gompachirou's Fault

Synopsis: Inosuke's mundane task of cleaning the neighbour's storeroom took an unexpected turn when he stumbled upon a hidden collection of erotic paintings. As his eyes roved over the provocative artwork, a nosebleed erupted, capturing Tanjirou's attention. As Tanjirou fussed over Inosuke's well-being, a flurry of unexpected and confusing emotions overwhelmed Inosuke, leaving him with a newfound awareness of his deeper feelings for Tanjirou.

Amidst the confusion, Zenitsu burst into the room, misinterpreting the situation entirely. Convinced that he had been excluded from a secret pornography viewing session, Zenitsu's outrage reached new heights, and all hell broke loose.

Pairing: Inotan (Inosuke x Tanjirou)

Setting: Canon AU, 1 year after the main story ends. Precursor to the Series: Where the Wisteria Always Bloom.

Wordcount: 9000+ words across 4 chapters

Chapters: 1 2 3 4

Status: Complete

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───────��── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

At breakfast time, Inosuke stormed into the kitchen, ignoring Tanjirou’s worried questioning. He sat down on the dining chair, slammed his boar mask on the table and grabbed a bowl of rice. He lifted a spoonful to his mouth, but almost dropped it when Nezuko let out a squeal.

 “Your nose is bleeding!” she cried, pointing at him with wide eyes.

“Has it not stopped since just now?” Tanjirou exclaimed, his voice laced with alarm.

"Have you tried stopping it with Total Concentration Breathing?" Zenitsu chimed in.

"I’m fine!" Inosuke bellowed, wiping the blood away roughly with the back of his hand. "Let me eat my breakfast in peace!"

He resumed his eating, shoveling food into his mouth as fast as he could. He felt his friends’ eyes on him, watching him with unease. He could sense Tanjirou’s gaze the most, burning into him with concern. Tanjirou hadn’t even touched his own food because he was too busy looking at Inosuke with worry. It made Inosuke eat even faster, as if he could escape from Tanjirou’s attention by finishing his meal. Just as he swallowed his last bite, Tanjirou got up and walked towards him.

Inosuke tensed up, ready to fight or flee. “What do you want now?” he snapped, backing away as Tanjirou’s face came closer.

“I just want to look at your nose,” Tanjirou said softly.

“No! Go away!” Inosuke resisted.

Tanjirou’s expression faltered. “Is it something I did?”

“Of course not! What could you possibly do to me?”

Of course, it had nothing to do with stupid Monjirou. Absolutely nothing. Okay, fine, maybe he had imagined his stupid face a little while touching himself earlier in the bathroom, but that was just a ridiculous side effect of those stupid pictures. It was bad enough that Tanjirou made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. Inosuke had learned to live with that. Now he had to deal with Tanjirou’s power to make him nosebleed from a distance.

“All right, if you won’t let me look at it, will you at least go to the doctor?” Tanjirou pleaded.

“Why should I? I’m fine!” Inosuke retorted.

“Listen, you really should get it checked out,” Zenitsu piped up. “Having a nosebleed from looking at or thinking about porn isn’t normal. If that were the case, I’d be bleeding to death by now.”

Nezuko furrowed her eyebrows, and Zenitsu hastily corrected himself. “Uh… I was exaggerating. Just trying to persuade him to see a doctor.”

“But I’m not sick!” Inosuke protested, sounding panicked.

“Don’t worry, it’s probably nothing,” Tanjirou soothed him, reaching out to put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Inosuke jumped away, and Tanjirou apologised. Turning to Zenitsu, he said, “Um… could it be that he’s reacting like this because it’s his first time seeing that kind of stuff? You know how sensitive he is…”

Inosuke felt his blood surge inside him. “Shut up, Gompachirou!” he screamed, waving his arms and stamping his feet. “This is all your fault! Don’t act like you know anything!”

Tanjirou swallowed, clearly stung by the accusation. He started to apologise, but Nezuko intervened.

"There, there, Inosuke," Nezuko said. "You can't blame Nii-chan for this. How was he supposed to know that our neighbours would have a collection of erotic art lying around?"

"Yeah, and let's not forget, you were the one who opened the box," Zenitsu quipped.

“No, it’s definitely my fault. I’m so sorry, Inosuke,” Tanjirou apologised again. “I should have thoroughly checked all the rooms before we started cleaning. I’m just relieved that it wasn’t Nezuko who stumbled upon the stash. Thank goodness for that. If we ever do house-cleaning for the neighbours again, I swear I’ll search every corner and crevice.”

Inosuke let out a frustrated snort. They were all off the mark, but he supposed it was still better than them knowing the truth.

“You don’t have to tell the doctor why you’re bleeding,” Tanjirou continued. “He’ll just check your nose, diagnose you and give you something to stop the symptoms.”

“Fine! I’ll go!” Inosuke snapped. He doubted that the doctor could help him if Tanjirou was the reason for his nosebleed. But it would at least stop Tanjirou from fussing and give him a chance to escape from him.

“But I don’t want you to come with me!” He told Tanjirou, his eyes avoiding his. “Anyone but you!”

“Not you too!” he protested when Nezuko offered. Nezuko had a knack for getting him to listen to her and subsequently do as she requested. He was afraid he’d blurt out his secret to her if she asked.

Which left...

“Tanjirooou! He almost broke my nose and didn’t even apologise, and now I have to take him to the doctor?” Zenitsu whined. Inosuke knew this was Zenitsu’s revenge for him threatening to expose his secret. Zenitsu was such a spiteful guy.

“I don’t need you to take me! I can go myself!”

“No, you can’t!!! You’ll freak out in the crowds and end up getting lost! And even if you do make it there, you’ll speak nonsense to the doctor and then punch him because he can’t understand you,” Zenitsu sobbed.

“Come on, Inosuke,” Nezuko coaxed. “Just apologise to Zenitsu and let him take you to the doctor, alright? Stop making us worry about you.”

Inosuke wavered for a moment, torn between his stubbornness and the sincere concern he saw in Nezuko’s eyes. A twinge of guilt settled upon him, as he realised that this wasn’t just about him. His best friends were worried about him too. As always, Nezuko had a way of reaching him, her words finding a path to his obstinate heart. Reluctantly, he gave in.

“Fine! Sorry, Monitsu!” Inosuke spat out. He quickly put his boar mask back over his head and ran toward the door.

“That’s not even my name,” Zenitsu sighed, but he got up and followed him.

*

At the doctor’s office, Zenitsu took the lead, describing when and where the nosebleeds began and how often they occurred, carefully leaving out any mention of the scrolls. The doctor asked Inosuke to take off his mask and prodded around his nostrils, making Inosuke wriggle uncomfortably. He almost punched the doctor, but Zenitsu held his arms, reminding him over and over that the King of Mountains should be brave and not mind a little prodding, much to the doctor’s bemusement. He felt an immense wave of relief when he could finally put his mask back on.

“You mentioned that the nosebleeds began while you were cleaning in the storeroom? Was there a lot of dust?” the doctor asked.

“Yeah, those damn books, they make me sneeze every time I flip a page,” Inosuke answered. He felt a nagging itch and unconsciously brought his hand to his nose, rubbing it slightly.

“And I suppose you rub your nose after you sneeze.”

“Obviously? It really itches.”

"Is it unusual for you to come into contact with dust?"

“Of course! I grew up among wild boars, and Tanjirou keeps our house really clean.” Inosuke said with a hint of pride.

The doctor gave him a weird look but returned to writing notes.

“Alright. Based on my examination and the information you gave, I can conclude that your nose was sensitive to the high amount of dust you were suddenly exposed to recently, and constantly rubbing it damaged the skin, making it prone to injury. I’ll prescribe an anti-allergen to stop the itch. If you avoid further exposure to dust and don’t rub your nose, you should be fine in a few days.”

“That’s it?” Inosuke couldn’t believe how simple the problem turned out to be. “So it’s not because I looked at pictures of people banging or because I dream about banging someone?!” He shouted so loudly that all the nurses and patients in the waiting area turned their heads to look at him.

“Technically, sexual arousal, as you described, can cause an increase in blood pressure, which leads to the expansion of blood vessels. It may result in flushing, or red face syndrome, and even erections. It’s normal and not harmful, and rarely does it cause bleeding. However, I would advise against frequent exposure to pornography as it can lead to intrusive thoughts and addiction that can negatively affect your daily life,” the doctor explained calmly.

Inosuke didn’t fully understand most of the jargon. The only thing that stood out to him was that he was normal. Pictures and stupid Gompachirou had no power over him.

“See, Zenitsu? I’m normal,” Inosuke exclaimed happily to his friend. “Pictures ain’t got nothing on me!”

“No, you’re not normal,” Zenitsu turned away, cringing in embarrassment. “Don’t talk to me or call my name. I don’t know you!”

*

On their way back home, Zenitsu couldn’t resist breaking the silence and pestering Inosuke.

“Who do you keep dreaming of banging?” Zenitsu asked.

“Huh?”

“You told the doctor you were dreaming of banging someone.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“You misheard me.”

“I never mishear anything,” Zenitsu reminded him.

Inosuke sighed in defeat. “Fine. But it’s my secret.”

“Okay, if you’re not telling, I’ll just have to guess. Let’s see, it must be someone you really like and are close to, which significantly narrows down the possibilities,” Zenitsu mused, a mischievous glint in his eyes. Inosuke couldn’t help but feel a shiver run down his spine at Zenitsu’s emphasis on the word ‘significantly’.

“How would you know that?” Inosuke snapped.

“It’s natural to be sexually attracted to people you have romantic feelings for or find attractive,” Zenitsu explained.

“How do I get rid of this feeling?” Inosuke demanded.

“It usually fades away when you stop liking them,” Zenitsu said.

Inosuke let out a frustrated snort. “How do I do that?”

“You find something you dislike about them and focus on it until you stop liking them.”

Inosuke racked his brain. He liked everything about Tanjirou - from his wavy maroon locks that seemed to flicker like embers in the sunlight, to the softness of his eyes that held an unspoken understanding. It wasn’t just his looks, though; it was the way his voice carried a calming melody, the touch of his callused hands grounding Inosuke like a reassuring anchor. Even Tanjirou’s cooking skills, which somehow managed to tame his ravenous appetite, added to the list of endearing traits.

Sure, Tanjirou’s fussing could be a bit overwhelming at times, and the unusual sensations he stirred within Inosuke left him feeling both flustered and annoyed. But he had to admit to himself, Tanjirou made him feel special, which was important to him. And the weird feelings did feel nice, if he had to be honest.

“Can’t think of anything I dislike.” Inosuke eventually muttered, frustrated.

Zenitsu grinned wickedly. “Then you find someone else to like.”

“But I don’t like anyone else or want to like someone else!”

“Too bad then,” Zenitsu shrugged. “But you're making me really curious. Who is it? Tell me!”

“I already said. It’s my secret,” Inosuke repeated.

“Let me guess… Is it someone at the Butterfly Estate? Is it Aoi? Is it Kanao?” Zenitsu cunningly darted back and forth, appearing on Inosuke’s right side and then swiftly reappearing on his left, so that it felt impossible to avoid his annoying questioning.

Suddenly, Zenitsu came to an abrupt halt and his face froze in horror. "Oh my god, it’s not Nezuko-chan, is it?! I’ll kill you!!!”

“It’s not any of them, and it’s definitely not Nezuko. That’s gross!” Inosuke shouted.

“Eeyaaargh! How dare you call my Nezuko-chan gross!” Zenitsu erupted, and the chase began. They sprinted all the way home, with Zenitsu's screams echoing through the air.

*

Dealing with Zenitsu was utterly draining, Inosuke thought, feeling the weight of exhaustion settle upon him. The guy would get all riled up whenever someone showed an interest in Nezuko. But then, he'd get equally worked up if others failed to appreciate Nezuko's adorable nature. Inosuke, despite being older, saw Nezuko as a sort of maternal figure. The mere thought of wanting to be intimate with her made him cringe in disgust. After mustering up an explanation that Zenitsu begrudgingly accepted, the relentless pestering finally ceased.

Relief flooded over Inosuke as he entered the comforting embrace of home, welcomed by the mouthwatering scent of lunch and crispy tempura. Tanjirou had cooked Inosuke’s favourite tempura as a special treat for his visit to the doctor.

Inosuke sprinted towards Tanjirou, clutching his haori sleeve. He had been frazzled and anxious by his nosebleeds and Zenitsu’s endless screeching. But now, with Tanjirou’s reassuring presence, he felt comforted that his friend wasn’t the trigger for his nosebleeds. Inosuke dreaded the thought of losing his soothing touch.

“I’m totally fine! Those dumb pictures had nothing to do with it. It was just some dust, but I'm all good now, not even a sneeze!” Inosuke proclaimed loudly, his voice brimming with confidence.

“I’m so glad, Inosuke! So, it wasn’t my fault after all?” Tanjirou smiled brightly, his cheerful personality shining through; like he didn’t have a care in the world. As if he hadn’t given Inosuke countless restless nights. As if he wasn’t the reason for those weird and confusing feelings. As if he didn’t haunt Inosuke’s dreams, sparking urges that made him hot and flustered.

Inosuke had a sudden image of himself pinning Tanjirou beneath him, doing unspeakable acts to him and wiping that blissfully oblivious smile off his face.

No, no, no! Bad Inosuke, bad! That was a horrible thing to imagine. Stop it! Stop it right now!

Tanjirou looked at him with concern as Inosuke headbutted the wall repeatedly. “Uh… Inosuke?!”

“It’s definitely your damn fault, Gompachirou! I swear I’ll find your weakness and bring you down!!!”

The End.

Check out my pinned post for the rest of my works.

「 ✦ Please support your creators by reblogging ✦ 」

Author's Notes: Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed my fic, it’d really make my day if you could drop a like, reblog, and/or comment to let me know! This story is also published on AO3 where you can comment anonymously! Although I mostly write for myself, your encouragement keeps me motivated to post and share my work.

#inotan #inosuke x tanjirou #inosuke hashibira #tanjirou kamado #inotan fanfic #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer fandom #kny fanfic #kny fluff #kimetsu tanjiro #demon slayer fic #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #kimetsu inosuke #catlady writes #kny #kamado tanjiro #hashibira inosuke #zenitsu agatsuma #zenitsu #inotanfic-nosebleed

[erigold13261]

You like monsters. Gnarly teeth. Horror aesthetics. And that’s totally valid!

I fucking love monsters so much! I advocate so badly for monster films and how horror now-a-days is a lot more psychological or supernatural horror instead of slasher or monster.

Like I'm pretty sure that's because of the times (like there's a theory that the horror of the time period reflects the populations fears either in a direct or subtle way), but I want to go back to good fucking monster designs in horror movies!

All to often it's just a person with makeup on! (and I don't mean prosthetic makeup, but like literally just body paint and nothing else) I get that it might be a budget thing, but I really want to see stuff like the Xenomorph or Jeepers Creepers (I know how bad that series was/is because of the creator, but I genuinely loved 1 and 2, one of the only series I would say that I liked the sequel more than the orignal. 3 fucking sucked), like full on monsters who barely look humanoid or might not be human at all!

Anyway, it's also funny how you say I like gnarly teeth because I didn't even think of that! Though I do love me some teeth. I've had plenty of dreams of eating teeth and LOVED pulling out my teeth as a kid and looked forward to dentist appointments where I knew I would get needles in my mouth to numb my gums in order to rip out my teeth. Heck I even ripped out two totally perfect baby teeth that weren't loose while watching Insidious (I think it was that, or the Conjuring, idk) because I was having fun! (also one of my favorite songs is Losing Teeth by The Scarring Party lol).

Definitely love me the horror aesthetics! It brings me comfort! Probably because I started watching horror and death shows when I was way too young. First horror movie I watched was either the Fair Haired Child or Dead Silence. One being a horror movie that ended in love and one that revolved around puppets and dolls, both having grotesque imagery and contorting bodies.

So those two movies probably had a greater impact on me than I realized considering how much I love mannequins, puppets, dolls, and why I associate love with horror!

It could also be that I was neglected as a kid, which is why I was able to watch things like the Human Centipede when I was like 10 years old, and used those horror movies as comfort to my anxiety riddled brain to try and cope with death so I saturated myself with death and horror in the hopes of finding love in the subject but all it did was fill me with more anxiety which then turned horror characters into love interests because that was the only way I could take that subject/genre/thoughts and make it "good" enough for me not to have constant panic attacks of dying.

(Off topic, but also there was this horror movie I watched even earlier than that, like I was definitely around 5 or 6, where these people were at some point in a mine shaft/cave system and were running away from this ghost who was under the control of this guy who would drop his blood on the ground to make the ghost kill people. I watched it around the same time as I watched the first Tremors movie, but I can't find the ghost movie. I think the main characters, a guy and girl, won by feeding the blood guy into a rotating machine through control of the ghost somehow, but that might be an entirely different movie I watched as a kid around that same time. Heck the movie might not have been a horror movie at all, it could have been a different genre or a tv show idk, I just know that those scenes stuck with me and I want to try and find that movie/show again).

Okay, you probably didn't want to read my little psychoanalysis of myself, but I had fun! (it's always fun seeing someone tell something about me that I didn't realize and me trying to find out why I do said thing). Thanks for sending this ask in! :D

#eritalks #noart #asks #love analyzing why i do shit! #i keep forgetting i had a pretty shitty childhood #probably because i lost myself into media to forget about it #which is also probably why i love horror characters so much #they are broken just like me! #or at the very least look fucking amazing #:3

[deerydear]

My ego wants to put on a peacock show, so whatever I'll talk about this: I'm a girl, but this dude is literally like my fucking twin. I used to take steroids and they made me look all manly and shit, and I looked like this! AND MY NAME IS BECKY. I don't look so manly anymore cuz I stopped, but I still look like a cavewoman. .........unga bunga.

ME JANE, YOU TARZAN!

if i could just email myself in 2014 and say "this is what you'd look like if you were a boy" then that would satiate all the curiousity in my bones and I would be able to move on as a funky chick. goddamn! Another interesting thing happened, too... I don't know if this is part of maturity, or if it was the male hormones... because I was like seventeen when I started my two years of taking those..... but, you know how there are some theories that girls prefer more like, soft animal things, and guys tend to like mechanical shit? I mean, I personally found this very true. I kind of used to put on airs that I liked guns, and shit like that... but I wasn't so interested in the pure mechanics of it, or of anything...... I just liked animals, and plants, and living things.

"There are several studies though that suggest that theory of mind may develop earlier in females, and that girls and women are on average better at making inferences about people's mental states and adjusting their behaviour accordingly. These differences may arise, in part, from differences in social interest. Young girls even at 12 months old show a preference for dyadic interactions, spend more time watching a film of a face than a film of a car, and make more eye contact. They are more interested in facial than spatial/mechanical stimuli even at birth."

I'm sure there's exceptions to this, because I do think hormones play a big part in it, and some girls naturally have more testosterone.

It also depends on your genetic code. Some of your genes may be sensitive to particular levels on hormones, while other people's may not.

Such as in stuff like: Androgen-insensitivity syndrome, where someone may have a lot of testosterone in their blood... but their androgen-receptors may not function properly, or at all.... so their cells don't use the testosterone to activate androgen-sensitive genes.

I would also guess that some individual's genes could potentially activate with very little androgen, if the opposite can be true. All our genes come from a series of mutations! Everyone is different! When I started the testosterone, there was a point where I did start getting really.... intensely interested in shit that my old self had thought was incredibly boring and tedious.

I don't care if anyone thinks this is just pigeonholing, because I genuinely felt something happen. Like, it was inside of me. I kind of wish that it didn't happen. I miss just being a frivolous girl. That's such a not-girl thing to say.

I feel like someone might invoke the Placebo effect, but I am pretty sure....... that....

well, okay, so how it happened was more like: "oh shit, i'm not pretty girl anymore. i don't have my beauty to buoy me up anymore to the top echelons of society! i guess... um, i need a better hobby than just sitting and staring at myself in the mirror like the modern day narcissus?" I guess something that could have diverted this feeling was if I had learned some kind of intense mechanical skilled work when I was younger. I mean like, weaving, skinning, knitting, some kind of building. I painted and drew often, but that....... I don't know, it feels good to do something where the point of it is to make a functional product, and it doesn't matter how pretty you are, because functionality is the point. I mean, beauty is very important..... but so is food, warmth, skill....... I think that I coasted by too much on my beauty, instead of 'diversifying my portfolio'. so many people I meet say I'm goddamn beautiful, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I was like...... perfect. As much as I could have ever asked for! I knew this before I made the final decision to take the hormones. I knew I was throwing my lucky hand away. That damn snake in my head just kept saying, "it'll be better this way, i promise, just eat the forbidden fruit, man! take a bite!" now, I'm an exile

I think my other problem was that I just didn't want to make mistakes, so I often didn't want to try new things unless I thought it would go my way right off the bat. Which, there were a lot of things I wanted to do over the years, and now I'm doing them. I really easily could have not done the steroids and still could have learned these lessons. It's not either/or.... I knew this, too... and I just WANTED TO BE 'RIGHT'! I WANTED IT! I AM LUCIFER, MAN! I was the most beautiful, made into the most ugly by my own decision.

sorry to my evil twin, if that sounds like i'm saying that guy is ugly.... he's not really ugly. I wasn't talking about him. At least he's a real dude, and not a woman pretending to be a dude. He's got a ding-dong, he can back up the implication. and I have a poosaaaay, and when I was at that particular crossroads, I knew I could have just chosen to be proud of it. I was investing way too much of my mentality into some kind of ephemereal internet political world that's made-the-fuck-up out of the cut-up-and-stitched-together pieces of other people's lives.

This was written a month ago, or so.

"Those situated in the mode of Lucidity gradually go upward to the higher planets; those in the mode of Passion live on the earthly planets; and those in the mode of Dark Inertia go down to the hellish worlds."

--- Lord Krishna, the Bhagavad Gita.

Oh yes, I feel like a man of Passion, who stays in between. In that mode, one neither goes upwards, nor downwards, but stays static. It is his own choice.

I could quote more.

The Blessed Lord said: Again I shall declare to you this supreme wisdom, the best of all knowledge, knowing which all the sages have attained to supreme perfection.

By becoming fixed in this knowledge, one can attain to the transcendental nature, which is like My own nature. Thus established, one is not born at the time of creation nor disturbed at the time of dissolution.

The total material substance, called Brahman, is the source of birth, and it is that Brahman that I impregnate, making possible the births of all living beings, O son of Bharata.

It should be understood that all species of life, O son of Kunti, are made possible by birth in this material nature, and that I am the seed-giving father.

Material nature consists of the three modes- Goodness, Passion and Ignorance. When the living entity comes in contact with nature, he becomes conditioned by these modes.

O sinless one, the mode of goodness, being purer than the others, is illuminating, and it frees one from all sinful reactions. Those situated in that mode develop knowledge, but they become conditioned by the concept of happiness.

The mode of passion is born of unlimited desires and longings, O son of Kunti, and because of this one is bound to material fruitive activities.

O son of Bharata, the mode of ignorance causes the delusion of all living entities. The result of this mode is madness, indolence and sleep, which bind the conditioned soul.

The mode of goodness conditions one to happiness, passion conditions him to the fruits of action, and ignorance to madness.

Sometimes the mode of passion becomes prominent, defeating the mode of goodness, O son of Bharata. And sometimes the mode of goodness defeats passion, and at other times the mode of ignorance defeats goodness and passion. In this way there is always competition for supremacy.

The manifestations of the mode of goodness can be experienced when all the gates of the body are illuminated by knowledge.

O chief of the Bharatas, when there is an increase in the mode of passion, the symptoms of great attachment, uncontrollable desire, hankering, and intense endeavor develop.

O son of Kuru, when there is an increase in the mode of ignorance madness, illusion, inertia and darkness are manifested.

When one dies in the mode of goodness, he attains to the pure higher planets.

When one dies in the mode of passion, he takes birth among those engaged in fruitive activities; and when he dies in the mode of ignorance, he takes birth in the animal kingdom.

By acting in the mode of goodness, one becomes purified. Works done in the mode of passion result in distress, and actions performed in the mode of ignorance result in foolishness.

From the mode of goodness, real knowledge develops; from the mode of passion, grief develops; and from the mode of ignorance, foolishness, madness and illusion develop.

Those situated in the mode of goodness gradually go upward to the higher planets; those in the mode of passion live on the earthly planets; and those in the mode of ignorance go down to the hellish worlds.

When you see that there is nothing beyond these modes of nature in all activities and that the Supreme Lord is transcendental to all these modes, then you can know My spiritual nature.

When the embodied being is able to transcend these three modes, he can become free from birth, death, old age and their distresses and can enjoy nectar even in this life.

Arjuna inquired: O my dear Lord, by what symptoms is one known who is transcendental to those modes? What is his behavior? And how does he transcend the modes of nature?

The Blessed Lord said: He who does not hate illumination, attachment and delusion when they are present, nor longs for them when they disappear; who is seated like one unconcerned, being situated beyond these material reactions of the modes of nature, who remains firm, knowing that the modes alone are active; who regards alike pleasure and pain, and looks on a clod, a stone and a piece of gold with an equal eye; who is wise and holds praise and blame to be the same; who is unchanged in honor and dishonor, who treats friend and foe alike, who has abandoned all fruitive undertakings-such a man is said to have transcended the modes of nature.

One who engages in full devotional service, who does not fall down in any circumstance, at once transcends the modes of material nature and thus comes to the level of Brahman.

And I am the basis of the impersonal Brahman, which is the constitutional position of ultimate happiness, and which is immortal, imperishable and eternal.

#me chaka #ooooohhhhh chakaa #detransition inc.

[twinhood-2dot0]

u/YAYVIDEOGAMES

Alex isn't here to entertain us with their posts, but I'm really, very, extremely bored and I need something to do. Yes, it's 2 days late, but who's counting anyways? Passage of time is even harder percieve at this point so :P.

You know that I love(/hate) reading about creepy, horrifying, gory, disturbing, <any number of adjectives> stories I can get my hands upon. One of my favourite channels is Nexpo (Nightmare Expo, formerly). They cover lots of, well, just what I described earlier. Oh huh, their latest video is about thalassophobia! That's a hell of a coincidence. (Other readers: Alex is thalassophobic, which is really unfortunate because I'm a thalassophile. I think the posts I made during our first run make that obvious.)

These are the kind of videos they make. Walten Files and Gemini Home Entertainment are Analog Horror series, huh, that's a topic for another day. Okay, let's move on before I delete this post to write about analog horror.

One of their videos is

on what I'm talking about today. You can watch that, he goes into much more detail than I will today. It's nothing too extremely disturbing, but very intriguing, which is why I decided to cover it today. Their video however, was made somehow, exactly a month before the case was closed, so I will be appending that too, so, you can just watch the video and skip to the ending section if you wanna.

u/YAYVIDEOGAMES is a Reddit user that perplexed users that happened to stumble upon his many spammed comments all over Reddit. He seemingly started spamming comments on Reddit after a conversation about Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. Come with me, as we find out, who is u/YAYVIDEOGAMES, and what was his purpose of doing this, and what became of him (Yeah, the cheesy documentary intro was on purpose).

The Beginning

The story begins on September 8, 2010, on a post titled "Just got Oblivion for PC. What are your favorite mods?" in r/gaming(Oblivion is the 4th game in the Elder Scrolls video game series). Seems harmless, right? YAYVIDEOGAMES (Referred to as YVG from here on) comments about the game being terrible to uninstall because it leaves behind junk files. He receives a reply saying "Wat?" which seems to be what jumpstarted all this. He replies back.

"The uninstall button…The game is great, Ubisoft goes Steamworks bye bye, always on DRM. But you oft go work, always on work DR. Check out the junk it leaves behind in you."

Ubisoft - Video game publisher

Steamworks - Software designed by Steam to allow developers to add additional features, one being DRM, or Digital Rights Management, which is what stops you from doing whatever you want with software from online stores.

The comment looks pretty tame, albeit with some incoherent parts. The other person responds saying "that makes even less sense" and that the uninstallation works perfectly fine.

This is where stuff gets uhhh concerning. The comment is met with 60 or so comments, all with some variation of the text I bolded in the previous comment.

Let's turn back the clock to August 13, 2010. This is when a post titled "Ubisoft goes Steamworks bye bye always on DRM.", linking to an article about Ubisoft dropping it's terrible DRM. is posted to r/gaming. It's filled with comments with the same content, but they're very few, comparitively, at least, it's still an ungodly amount, and exactly the same, unlike the others. I would like to paint a clearer picture of the timeline, but internet connectivity is limited at the moment, so let's work considering the September date as the beginning.

This is also another comment thread from August 13. The content will be relevant later. Sorry about the light theme, new reddit UI is awful and I'm on dad's laptop so no forced dark mode.

At first glance, it may seem like a bot, but the thing is, so many of them are differently formatted, and with random links, that it's unlikely it was a bot that was made to do all that. A very dedicated troll then, you might say, but it's 4,000 comments + countless many on other threads. As we will see later on, the truth is much darker.

Comment history if you wanna look through it yourself.

There's also a comment in the sea of all the ubisoft goes steamworks, replying to someone asking if they're the only fan of a retro game called "Illusion of Gaia", saying "Apparently you are" linking to a Bing search of "i am a fan of illusion of gaia", which I have no idea what it was supposed to mean, the meaning might just be lost because it's been 13 years. He is greeted by "hahaha everybody, this guy uses Bing! LOL" which triggers another comment thread of a 100 variatons of "LOL!Bing". There's also this one comment that is repeated quite a few times on a post on r/WTF titled something that I wish I never read saying "We are smarter than them" or a spin on it, but seemingly a bit more coherent. This goes on for a long time, until September 23, where it abruptly stops. There are a few normal comments, albeit none are much to comment on. One thing to note, however, is that a few of the targeted posts contain the word "hipster" and some of his normal comments contain it too.

Here's a reddit comment compiling the images that he linked to.

They're all pretty cryptic and random however, don't think anything could be discovered from that. There is also a handwritten version of that, prepended with "https://www.reddit.com/spoiler".

His last message on reddit with the user u/YAYVIDEOGAMES was a post titled "Magic" content: "I need some for help. I would not use it evilly." on the subreddit r/Cleanliness.

Someone knew I was coming.

r/Cleanliness

At first glance, it is a seemingly normal, albeit empty subreddit about sanitation, and there's a moderator named u/NoSubstanceHere.

u/NoSubstanceHere has a post on the subreddit with the title "Zelda" and content "Zelda the princess." Weird for a sub named Cleanliness, you'd think, until scroll down the comments. There you encounter u/NotSureHowBigYouAre with weird cryptic messages, a "conversation" with u/NoSubstanceHere, and one word repeated a ton. "Upvoted." There's also a seemingly random comment by u/VinylRecord saying "Zelda" with a link to an image of a man with Joker-looking-but-sad lipstick smeared on his lips. That name sound familiar?

u/NoSubstanceHere

NSH here has seemingly normal threads on r/gaming, but they seem to contain the same content: "the interrogation room underwent some changes while you were away". There's also a comment on a post titled "Hipster Frodo" saying "I had the one ring when it was on vinyl." They also have a comment with "Oh my god" repeated a ton in response to a comment by NSHBYA (huh, weird, this one's initials resembles the other's). Another post to note is one asking "Who is the best game girl?". It has a few repeated one word comments by them, and one saying "Look" with the aforementioned weird lipstick picture. Another is this thread.

the link is to the starting of the LOL!Bing thread, which is interesting.

They also mod r/BananaFreaks, which contains just 2 posts. One of a uhh weird..? image of a creepified anthropomorphic banana and a disgusted man, and one with just Cheetos. Both of them have comments by NSHBYA and no one else, so they seem to be related somehow.

u/NotSureHowBigYouAre

This account was pretty active, and there's a ton of normal posts. I would have liked to read all the posts, however they are huge and too many, unlike YVG, so from what I could read from the latest few messages, they all seem to be about big pharma, drugs and chronic fatigue syndrome, which they say they suffer from. They also made a post, looking for roommates, where he mentions his chronic pain, over-medicated irritability, and being an ex-Jehovah's Witness. I had no idea what this was, being an Indian atheist with only a little interest in religion, so if you're like me, here. I may just be dumb, but the language is kinda esoteric, but basically, radical, so-conservative-they-want-Christianity-to-go-back-to-1st-Century. I'm too lazy to read through all that, so forgive my misconceptions, but from what I've read, it sounds hellish and cultish. There are also posts that tell us that they were pretty much bedridden from the chronic pain and suicidal, and suffered from hallucinations and nightmares of demons, which their mother told them was all real. I think the mother is the actual demon here, for god's sake.

Let's divert our attention for now to the subreddits that they moderate, namely r/HumorlessClassical and r/HipsterJokes. The former contains one post by the account with the sub link with the comment "LOL Right?", and a bunch of movie piracy threads, but nothing else out of the ordinary. The latter however, is filled with posts by this one account which make seemingly no sense. A lot of them contain words or phrases like "pretty underground", "you've probably never heard about it", "I liked it before it was mainstream/popular", vinyls, casettes and records and some have images linked with just one word, "Before". The sub is pretty empty, except for... u/VinylRecord. Remember them, the "Zelda" guy? Yeah, they seem to be connected to NSHBYA. They are the only other commenter on posts on r/HipsterJokes. Scrolling through their post history, we see more spam. A ton of posts that just say "I'm on vinyl" or "Those jokes get me every time, upvoted". After that though, they get pretty normal. There's a standout, however. There's a comment saying "I have this chart on Vinyl" in response to a link to a website with title "Hipster Fashion Cycle. You go down into the replies aaaaannnnddddd *drumroll* Ubisoft goes Steamworks bye bye, always on DRM. We have come full circle.

What Happened to u/YAYVIDEOGAMES?

Okay, this part is all new, if you already watched Nexpo's video. NSHBYA's last post was on January of 2015. What happened to him after that date was unknown... until Nexpo's video gave it so much coverage. More alts are found, key being u/Nebslox, which appears to be his main account. The username led investigators to his other accounts, one being his last.fm, using which they were able to find Luke McLeish, who seemed to be friends with YVG. He was a member of the band "Jack The Stripper", who YVG also mentioned in a few posts. They also found a 2016 interview where Luke states that his best friend from high school took his own life early in January of 2015. With YVG calling the band his best friend's and from what we know about his CFS and chronic pain and how he found it hard to live, it was unfortunately pretty clear what happened. Luke holds an AMA in the subreddit, where he reveals that his name was Lyndon Wachtel, and he did indeed take his own life in early 2015.

The story of u/YAYVIDEOGAMES aka Lyndon Wachtel is a fascinating and haunting one. What began as seemingly random and incoherent comments on Reddit soon revealed a much darker and complex narrative. The enigmatic user, whose comments flooded various threads, caught the attention of investigators and internet sleuths, leading to a deep dive into their online presence and real-life identity.

Rest In Peace, Lyndon Wachtel, we're glad you finally found peace, and you will be remembered.

This story has enchanted me for a long time, so I hope you enjoyed it too. I love storytelling videos and such, so I was hoping to emulate it kinda in text form.

#yayvideogames #internet history #nexpo #internet deep dives #reddit #Youtube

[saffronapplemanga]

GANGSTA. - ギャングスタ - PART 2

CRIME, ACTION, DRAMA

(8 volumes, hiatus) Mangaka Kohske-sensei is sick and works on updates when she can. There are chapters beyond volume 8 in JP that haven't been collected into a volume yet here.

Available in English here

Anime - Yes. I'll admit it's crunchy, poorly paced, and disappointing because the studio went under literally a few days after it finished airing and it shows, but it’s still fun? They did cut stuff from the manga and there's so much they didn't adapt, so I'd recommend reading it. I'm begging for a remake and a season 2 or something...

Links to my other manga posts here

~Part one of this post is here~

This is a continuation of my part one post, so go check that out if you haven't and come back here!

Let’s continue talking non-stop about my precious found family trio ❤️

***Trigger warnings for everything you can think of for this series.***

Part one was broken up into: Why You Should Check GANGSTA. Out - What's It About? - Lots And Lots of Character Analysis (And Gushing) - Where It All Began - Nicolas and Nina - "Nice vs. Kind" - Worick and Alex

This part two post will continue the character analysis and is broken up into: Nicolas and Alex - Nicolas and Worick - Nicolas - The Trio and The Scene That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out - Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough

***SPOILERS UNTIL CHAPTER 56 FROM HERE ON OUT***

(Note: the manga pages/panels I included for reference are arranged from right to left reading order btw)

Nicolas and Alex

I touched on Nic and Alex's relationship a bit earlier, but let's dig deeper. We established that Nic is having trouble opening up to Alex, and she's having trouble figuring him out. Gradually though, they start to click.

I've already said that one of the ways Nic shows affection is by teasing. Early on in chapter six when the boys are rushing out the door mid-meal, Nic stops halfway out the door, turns around, and signs something to Alex. And if I'm not mistaken, it's the first time he's initiated talking to her. Alex looks up the sign in the book and realizes he said the food was, "So-so." Even though earlier in the same chapter he felt unapproachable and ate alone down in his space, he's making an effort to communicate and thank her for the food... in his own awkward Nicolas-way lol.

At Constance's shop after Alex's withdrawal meltdown with Worick, we can see Nic keeping an eye on Alex from afar. She starts recalling some memories and is on the edge of having a panic attack. At this moment, Nic comes inside the shop to ask Constance for more paint:

Be still, my beating heart.

I think he asked for the paint as an excuse to casually come closer to Alex. Whether he actually needed more paint or not, he chose this moment to get up from where he was and come inside. After he calms Alex and helps her open the pill bottle, he leaves once she stops trembling, likely to give her some air and not have her feel like he's hovering over her — so that she doesn't feel like she's burdening or worrying them. Since Nic and I have similar love languages/displays of affection, I tend to do the same. I don't like to make a big fuss over something so the other person doesn't feel embarrassed and like they have the spotlight on them. At the same time, I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to.

Next, we have these pages where Alex was helping with a job looking for a lost cat to "earn her keep" when she sees a Twilight child being beaten and about to be SA-ed by Normals. She steps in and whacks one of them to allow the child to escape, but she's up against three big guys and gets caught. Luckily, Nic comes in the nick of time hehe:

I can't believe they cut this out of the anime... Nic is a cat whisperer but Alex is not a Nic whisperer... yet, LOL. She'll get there. And him constantly pickpocketing the people he knocks out is so funny. But also it’s sad because it’s a habit he picked up as a kid to survive.

I know I sound like a broken record, but I love the casual kindness in this series. Nic saves Alex and the child, and gives her the cat and the money he pickpocketed from the men. Then he gave some to the child and walked away. The way he did all this sort of reminded me of this saying that’s found in the Abrahamic religions that goes, "Give without letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing." Except Nic is a leftie lol. This saying is about not seeking a reward for doing something good. To not “announce” your good deeds for attention. Nic does what he does, doesn't make a big deal of it, and just goes about his business (it's "nice vs. kind" again!). Alex stands against injustice even when it put her in great danger. In this case, she put herself in danger for a Twilight she didn't even know, and I'm sure Nic appreciates that.

Even though Alex is struggling to get on Nic's wavelength, it doesn't stop her from trying. She takes the initiative to learn sign language when she's alone. Before heading home from the clinic together, Alex stops Nic to convey her feelings about her situation, but in sign. It's her first attempt at signing a full conversation. Nic waits for her to finish without interrupting her, but then says, "Idiot. Your signing sucks. I can't understand it. Try again. And quit being so rough with that book. It's the only copy we have." To me, it sounds like Nic knew that Alex was studying sign, and he appreciates her effort and is teasing like he always does. They're starting to meet each other halfway more and more.

When Alex regains her memories and passes out from a panic attack, we get this scene:

This is an example of what I meant by, "I try to make sure they know I'm always around and can come to me when they need to/are ready to." He's just there, quietly watching over her when she's in a vulnerable state. He chose to read his book in Worick's room next to her instead of the living room or his room. It's such a simple gesture — a reassuring presence at a time when she's working through her trauma, waiting by her side with a comforting drink in hand.

A scene I adored was this:

Kohske-sensei, once again killing it with conveying things through wordless pages.

After comforting a grieving Nina, Nic takes her to Bastard to watch Alex sing. He leans against the speakers so he can feel the vibrations of her performance in an effort to connect to Alex since he can't hear her singing. If this isn't the cutest thing... idk what is...

Also, this:

A little bit after leaving Bastard, Nic's 'roided out on Theo's drug and is about to do some reckless shit. He's leaping over the rooftops to his destination and we get this page of him drifting in the air... humming the tune of Alex's song... AHHHH!!!

Nicolas and Worick

I talked about the Handymen and their relationships with other characters, but what about with each other? As early as the first page of chapter two, we already get hints that Nic and Worick have a... complicated relationship.

From their banter and how they bounce off each other, we can tell these two are beyond close. But the more we progress, the more we see how close. Worick usually presents a silly, charming, and laid-back attitude, so it's jarring when we see him seriously snap at the girl badmouthing Nic at the brothel. It's kind of scary to see him like that. Time and time again, we see how protective he is of Nic. When one of his clients suggests that Nic should "join them" Worick declines and is angry on the inside. He thinks to himself that Nic isn't a sex worker. While Nic couldn't join Worick in working at the brothel, Pussy, because no Twilights are allowed, I get the feeling Worick wouldn’t have let him anyway. He's traumatized by his sex work and seems to keep Nic out of it. Hell, he owns Nic and he could have made him sell himself, but my impression is that he's against it. Maybe I'm reaching, idk.

With their backstory, we learn a lot about them, how they met, why they are the way they are, and more. I love that Worick took Nic in and gave him the education he never had. They bond as children and become friends, but we can see SO MANY times, Nic bows to Worick. I've lost count of how many times he does it. I think this is because his whole life, Nic has been taught to obey his "master" which was usually his father, and now, Worick. Now, these two hurt little boys are brought together, and they need one another to survive.

Worick asks, "Why don't you run away?" and, "How can you act so calm?" There are various reasons Nic hasn't run away and acts calm, so allow me:

Worick doesn't know yet at this point, but Nic's father, Gaston Brown, has his supply of Cerebret. Nic can't source it himself and would die without it if he ran away.

He's a child. Where would he even go? He has nowhere to go.

He's acting "calm" because, to him, this is his "normal". It's not unusual for victims of abuse to not register things they experienced as abuse. If that's the only perspective they've known and have been conditioned to, it becomes their "normal". Or some believe they "deserve" that treatment. Worick's "normal" also consists of constant abuse, but he at least has a contrasting point of reference in his brother who gets treated much better than he does. Nic doesn't have that.

No matter how terrible, Gaston Brown is his father at the end of the day. It can be ridiculously hard to cut parents out, even when you hate them. This applies to Worick as well, but I'm going to expand on this point more in a bit.

I'm sure Worick was asking these questions out of frustration, perhaps asking himself those questions rather than actually directing them at Nic who he knows isn't listening.

The two are suffering abuse at the hands of their fathers, but the abuse isn't just physical. Although, that's the most obvious form that they are both experiencing at the same time:

It's common for victims of physical abuse to say, "I fell," or say they had an accident when asked about their injuries. Worick is the first to bring up the topic in chapter 13 (right page) as he's been observing Nic and his behaviors more and more. Nic pauses before coming up with a lie, saying that he, "...fell down". I wouldn't be surprised if he was told to either hide that his father was abusing him or maybe he thinks it was his fault and takes the blame for his injuries. Worick understands what he actually means though. It's glaringly obvious that Nic's arm has been stomped on by someone wearing military boots. Then in chapter 15 (left page) after Nic comes back from a battle, he asks what happened to Worick. And Worick mirrors Nic's response of, "I fell." I think Nic knows about Worick being beaten by this point, and his asking was more like, I'm the one that just came back from war. What the heck happened to you? Are you okay? Or something along those lines.

After this, the boys really start to get along, even more than before. They enjoy each other's company and feel comfortable with one another. They understand each other in a way no one else around them does. But then, Worick learns that Nic is a Twilight, and he's been taught that Twilights are monsters. At first, he's in denial when he finds out but ultimately challenges his teachings. He's spent time and shared intimate moments with this so-called "monster" and quickly works towards saving Nic from his father. So, he buys Nic's contract and a supply of Cerebret.

This scene... stomped on my heart. After being injured in a battle he, A 12 YEAR OLD CHILD, was forced to fight in, Nic wakes up, leaving the bed and assuming his spot on the floor — like he's been "trained" to do (more on this in the next section... ugh.) He rips out his IV and runs out in the rain calling after his father, clinging to the bars of the fence... only to be thrown away for money and called a monster. His expression on the last page killed me. That's the face of a child who still hoped for their parent to show them love, even after everything they had done to them. Yes, Worick has saved him from his father's tyranny, but part of him still hoped...

The next day, Worick has been beaten once again. Nic has been "freed" but not actually. As Worick says, "Great, nothing's changed at all." (This is a theme that comes up constantly.) Nic is still a child soldier who's a slave and Worick is still his father's punching bag. Nic's response? He signs, "Should I kill him?" referring to Worick's father, as it is now time to free Worick from his abusive situation. It's also the only thing he knows how to do. Nic snaps the next time Worick's father beats him, killing the whole family. Worick is in a panic, "Father, it wasn't me! Please believe me, Father..." and he seems angry at Nic. When he tells him, "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" he's taking out his frustration on Nic while also begging him to not die and leave him behind. Nic is Worick's only friend after all. The expression on Nic's face when he gets yelled at is interesting. At first his eyes are open wide, then he relaxes his face accepting what Worick says. It reminds me of his face when his father left. It's worth pointing out that Nic's previous master was a white/blonde man with an eyepatch who was bigger than him and was rough with him. And now his new master is too.

I think... Worick is ultimately glad his father is gone, but he's conflicted. The thing with some relationships, especially family/parent-child relationships, is that it's never that simple. No matter how terrible, a child will always crave the love of their parent. Somewhere inside, they hope that a crumb of affection will come their way. Often times in abusive relationships, it isn't always all bad. The abusive parent can still have moments where they are good to the child victim and show care and gentleness. The child is powerless to run away, powerless to fight back, and naturally seeks the love of the parent, so they don't have much choice other than to endure and hope for "good times" to make their appearance.

While I was writing this, I was skimming through the manga again to refresh my memory and I saw this page at the end of vol.3 that I either missed or completely forgot about that supports what I'm saying:

Apparently, Worick's picture is only in the Japanese volumes.

Gaston Brown is... hugging Nic. I think... this is the only time we see Nic smile as a child. And he did put the last name "Brown" on Nic's tag. Did he see him as his son, even a little? I want to mention that the flashback is all from Worick's POV, and we never directly see Gaston physically abuse Nic. Worick's POV could be skewing our perception of Nic's story and he might be projecting his experience with abuse onto Nic, assuming it was Gaston when it could've been the other men. I could argue points in Gatson's defense, believe it or not. Like how he actually told the guys to lay off of Nic, or maybe he sold him to Worick because they could take care of him better than he could, and so on and so forth. Still a piece of shit and not father-of-the-year or anything, and this could totally not be the case. It's something to think about but I'll leave it there for now.

The same is true for Worick. He's had nice moments with his father as well. But now, there is no chance Worick can ever hope to have a relationship with his father. While no longer being terrorized, the boys lost all hope for parental affection as well as any kind of familial support system. It's normal to feel great loss and regret. It reminds me of Ash's relationship with his father from Banana Fish, and that One Piece character who had a dedicated arc semi-recently (I don't wanna spoil anyone, but if you know, you know). Like Ash and in One Piece, Nic and Worick were failed by their parents and pushed to desperate measures to survive. But ultimately, all these characters can't bring themselves to completely hate their parents and feel nothing for them. It's harder than it seems to throw your family away even when you hate them. Whenever people are like, "Just cut your parents off! They're not the boss of you!" it's like... shut up, it's complicated.

Surely now, things will be on the up and up now that they're out of those terrible situations, right?

Wrong.

Worick is selling himself to support them, and Nic is frankly a burden. His medication is expensive, he can't work regular jobs, and all he knows how to do is fight and kill. Worick is excited to take Nic somewhere where they can get something decent to eat, and to eat together at a place that allows Twilights. But he rounds the corner and sees that his friend is beaten and bruised. And Nic says it himself, "All of it is pointless." (Again, this is a constant theme.) They're constantly stuck in a crappy situation. They're NOT free even after running away. They're still two scared little kids with no support system, fending for themselves just like before. And Twilights will always be oppressed. They'll always be slaves. The whole Three Laws is a facade to "free" the Twilights when in reality that's not the case. It's probably why Chad says he doesn't like the Three Laws and not to talk about them around him. Even if Worick didn't own him, Nic and the other Twilights would be slaves to the system.

In the current timeline, the boys are doing pretty well for themselves. Their business/home, their neutral status, and freelancer flexibility are PEAK luxuries. If you look at their current lifestyle and think, "Man, they live in a shitty place and their jobs kinda suck," then I say to you, that you haven't tasted poverty and desperation. I always get pissy when I see those, "I tried living on poverty wages for a month!" things because... fuck you. One of the worst parts about poverty is that there's no end in sight. You can slave away day in and day out and not get anywhere. There's no promise of "moving up" if you just work hard enough. But if you KNOW it's over in a month or even a year or more? You can pace yourself and stick it out. That's nothing. That's EASY. At least there's an end in sight. But even if you get out, you always live in fear of slipping and going back. Anyone who thinks poverty is caused by people being lazy or whatever is just exposing how ignorant they are. Poverty is a failure of society — all of us as a society are failing the poor and oppressed. Poverty is a form of violence, and not a failure of the individual. I don't want to harp on about this for too long, but just know, I'm proud of the boys and I love their crappy little home and wish them luck on their morally dubious jobs.

But, these two are codependent on each other while also having some awkward power dynamics. Nic needs Worick to be his contract holder to afford him as much "freedom" as he has, and to keep others from using him. Early on, he relied on Worick to provide for them. Worick needs Nic to keep him safe, and I'd argue that Worick would've been taken out for his "storage" ability being a liability ages ago if it wasn't for Nic's presence being a threat. Beyond bodily survival, they need one another in terms of emotional well-being and keeping each other in check. They're aware of their "master/Twilight" positions and for the most part, do well to thrive together despite it. It does come up though and continues to be a point of contention in their relationship.

Back to the Arcangelo family massacre, maybe part of Worick was angry at himself for not being able to do anything and Nic having to dirty his hands. Plus the way Nic killed everyone was... gruesome. It proved to Worick what Nic was capable of and that he really is a Twilight, a monster, and all of this shocked him. The boys were friends, but after the massacre, part of Worick likely hated Nic and he was cruel to him in some ways (as we see more of in the Blu-ray manga where Worick even calls Nic his dog. He was playing along with Monroe, but still...) There's definitely resentment. You could say Nic ruined his life as much as he saved him.

However, two years later (I'm assuming after the attack on Monroe), we get a scene of Worick crying to Chad as Nic is hospitalized, and I believe he starts to realize once again that Nic is just a kid and not an invincible monster. He realizes that throwing Nic into that situation with his planned attack on Monroe almost got his only friend killed for real (which might be why Monroe later says that Nic attacked him for his master's sake, that bothers Worick because he now sees them as friends). At this point, their relationship takes another turn.

The reality is that he's still technically Nic's master, but they're friends too. So now they went from friends, to master/slave, and now to master/friends. It's an awkward line to walk, and Worick is trying his best to keep it more on the friendship side. Like, when he tells Nic not to make him give orders because he doesn't like flexing his role as master. No matter what, the legal ownership of Nic is always hovering over them. It's... complicated... good lord.

I do find it interesting to think about how Worick is probably the first person who treated Nic normally at first because he didn't know he was a Twilight. Nic probably never experienced that any other time.

One last thing — I love that they got matching tattoos because it was to cover the serial numbers on Nic's back and Worick got one too. I think it was Worick's idea because Nic doesn't seem like the type that would bother. Cute...

I know I mainly talked about their past together and there's so much subtle stuff from the present like their conversation at Connie's place and Worick hitting Nic with the hammer to test his sense of pain. But maybe another time or else we're gonna be here all day. I could literally analyze this series page by page, panel by panel.

Nicolas

Now, I'd like to further break down aspects of Nic's character I have yet to cover in this section dedicated to him because he's my baby girl.

Worick's family had it coming. If only Nic took out his own dad while he was at it.

I am not deaf, nor will I pretend to truly understand what it's like for those in the deaf/hard-of-hearing community. I can only give my perspective on the portrayal of Nicolas as someone trying to relate and understand from my limited knowledge, my own experience with disability, and through my experience with a deaf relative of mine. So please keep that in mind whenever I address that aspect of Nic. If I got something wrong, please let me know! I’m always open to learning more.

Nic expresses himself differently than Worick, from his mannerisms, how he shows kindness, etc. Why is he the way he is? I've seen some people say that he doesn't show a lot of emotion. While I do think he was emotionally stunted from childhood, he actually displays a lot of emotion. He's just more subtle about it, except for when he wants to fight I guess.

From the start, he gives off a feral kind of energy. Nic has an itch for battle, yes, but it also shows in his body language in his daily life and how he acts outside of battle.

I know I call him an animal here, but I say it affectionately, I swear. I want to throw hands with his dad who treated him like a literal animal (ง’̀-‘́)ง But we'll get to that... They cut this detail out of the anime too!

A panel that stood out to me early on is this:

Nic often curls up on furniture, like when he sat next to Nina on the couch. But here when he's alone, he's hunched over his food, not even properly sitting on the loveseat. He sits downstairs alone to eat instead of joining Worick and Alex. Worick mentions that, "I've known him since we were kids, but we've only been eating together for the past two or three years." Later at the end of one of the volumes, we get a layout of the Handymen's home and it turns out Nic doesn't have a bed. His "room" is the open space by the kitchen and his "bed" is either the loveseat or he just sleeps on the floor. It's like... he doesn't know how to sit "normally" or behave in a "typical" manner sometimes.

Listen, I sleep on the floor with a Japanese-style futon and I'm that kid that has to sit cross-legged on everything — couches, desk chairs, those insufferably uncomfortable science class/art studio stools, you name it. But Nic's body language was telling me that he's been hurt and abused before I even got any info on his backstory.

Sure enough, his backstory proved me right.

We talked about the physical abuse Nic and Worick went through, but there's more to it than just that. Worick is also being emotionally abused by being othered and hated for being the result of his father's infidelity. Nic is being abused on so many levels — he hasn't been given any kind of education (abuse!), his medication is being kept from him and he's only given enough to barely function (medical child abuse), his mother was killed by his father and he was taken to be a child soldier (yikes...), and he's being treated like a literal dog! OH MY GOD!!!

His feet don't even reach the floor... How could you be so cruel to this child...

Multiple times, we see that Nic goes out of his way to come down off of furniture and curl up on the floor as if he was a dog that got scolded, and to take up as little room as possible. Worick realizes that Gatson Brown probably "trained" Nic to do this, so he tells him he doesn't have to do that around him. He can just sit on the chair. Nic nods in response but he keeps getting down and sitting on the floor again and again. It's like it's been hardwired and beat into him — engrained into him, and he's having a hard time breaking the habit.

When Nic wakes up after passing out, he looks startled. Normally, I'd think that he's reacting to Worick finding out that he's a Twilight, but Nic can't hear them and likely can't read their lips from where he is. Maybe he could tell from their body language? But to me, this feels like he woke up and thought, Why am I in a bed? Oh no, I should get out of this bed before anyone sees me. I'll get in trouble. I'm doing a lot of assuming here, but that's my impression because the first thing he does is jump out of bed and curl up on the floor next to the IV stand. He flips through the book and lingers on the signs for "Family/Father". Then he gets up, rips the IV out, and runs outside to chase after his father. That's when we get the heart-wrenching scene where he's abandoned that we discussed in the previous section.

The abuse that takes form in Nic's lack of education and accommodations for his disability is something that got me REAL heated. Like, yeah, the child soldier thing is horrible but I don't think I need to expand on why... I touched on education in my Tenmaku no Jadoogar: A Witch's Life in Mongol post, but in summary, education is a human right! Access to language is a human right! A deaf child not having access to language is child abuse! Whether it's spoken or sign language, they need to be able to convey their wants and needs and communicate with those around them. Humans are social beings! I've seen firsthand a mere glimpse of what a deaf child who hasn't been given proper access to language goes through, and I raised hell over it! I won't get into details out of respect for their privacy. I can only imagine how lonely and isolated Nic must have been his whole life. His deafness and language deprivation can also be symbolic of Twilights not having a voice in society.

And I want to be clear that I'm not saying deaf or hard-of-hearing individuals need hearing aids or cochlear implants or anything like that (Nic probably couldn't get some anyways, but that's not the point). Deafness isn't something that needs to be "fixed" because there's no such thing. Whether one wants to utilize medical devices, wants to learn spoken language/speech therapy, wants to learn sign language, and how they want to use them in whatever combination is a deeply personal choice. These are all tools and some people in the deaf and hard-of-hearing community chose not to use medical devices of any kind. Some, like Nic, prefer sign language over speaking. They should be presented with their options and be able to choose what suits their needs best.

Why is he always itching for a fight? My opinion? It’s all he knew for so long and he's depressed and needs to feel something. The whole thing about the Cerebret making him numb and lose feeling reminds me of the numbness you feel when depressed so that could be symbolism or something? Also... I think Nic might be kinda suicidal... Like in a trying-to-get-himself-killed and having self-destructive tendencies kinda way if that makes sense. He's accepted his fate of dying young, of always being seen as a monster.

Seeing Nic say something so profoundly sad, echoing himself as a child, while simultaneously having people around who love him do everything they can to help is just… heartbreaking. He feels hopeless. This goes back to what I said in the previous section about how Nic knows he and the Twilights will never be free no matter what.

Despite this, he's still SO KIND!!! A scene that turned on the waterworks for me is this:

He's having seizures and is in extreme pain. Theo is about to call the test off but Nic stops him. He knocks the downer out of Theo's hand since using it would ruin the test results. Then, he grits his teeth and smiles, points to Yang indicating to Theo, I'm fine. Go help him. Now that he's accepted his death that's coming sooner rather than later, he's offering his body to help Theo figure out how to help other Twilights...

Nic is a perfect representation of what Twilights face in this world. From being born to be a weapon, being oppressed and abused, having no voice, and even the manga not having much of his perspective. The past was Worick's POV and the present is a lof of Alex's POV. Nic's POV is pretty much just his memories of Veronica. We don't get to hear from him about what he thinks very often, and most of the time we have to infer a lot of things. He fascinates me and I want to learn more about him!!!

The Trio and The Scenes From Ch 43 and 56 That Had Me Bawling My Eyes Out

Note: I read the post-vol. 8 chapters in Japanese. I'll be using my own translations for the post-vol. 8 chapters I'm referencing.

We get various moments throughout the series of the trio interacting. Most of the notable moments have been one on one — either Nic/Worick, Nic/Alex, or Alex/Worick. The scenes I want to talk about here are ones where things start to… converge (?) in a way. Like, things regarding the three of them coming together? I’m not quite sure how to put it. Hopefully, as I talk about the scenes, things will start to make sense.

Chapter 43 was relentless, from beginning to end. We check in with where the trio are mentally/emotionally. While separated from one another in this chapter, they’re all… really going through it at this point, to put it mildly.

First up is Worick, who has just made some WILD moves in the story. Like, holy shit, Worick!!! I trust you sweetie, but what’s going on in that big beautiful head of yours? I was anxious when he found out about Monroe's betrayal and he made a face I'm used to seeing on Nic, but not Worick himself — an unhinged grin that says, Oh, I'm about to fuck shit up. And I was nervously laughing like... haha, what're you gonna do Worick...? Oh no... I have a bad feeling about this. AND THEN HE ROLLED UP WITH MILES' HEAD IN A BAG! And wants to see Uranos Corsica! WORICK!!?! He's doing a convincing job of making everyone think that he's siding with Corsica, the notorious Twilight-hater.

While I have to say, Worick is scaring me a bit, I don't doubt him at all. He's constantly shown what a wonderful person he is. He's gone above and beyond to protect Nic and doesn't let people speak ill of his partner. And it's precisely in the midst of Worick taking frightening, extreme measures that we get this scene:

Sometimes, murder is moral, kids. But his face... the way he hesitated to hug her back...

It opens with a flashback of Worick in his teens having just stabbed a man who was cruel to Twilights and he's taking it upon himself to stand up for them. We've been shown that Worick hates the discrimination against Twilights despite having been taught to hate and fear them before he met Nicolas. And now, I'm genuinely worried for him because he could very much get himself killed. Nic's not with him. No one is. He's doing this alone. Big Mama is on his side, but she still works under Corsica.

Speaking of Nic, I don't think Worick filled him in on whatever the plan is. Nic was passed out after having a seizure when Worick decided to raise hell against Monroe. He's the next in the trio we check in with. But right before we do, we see Chad on the phone with Gina where he's forced to acknowledge that he's helpless to do anything for the suffering Twilights. He remembers what Nicolas said as a child — "All of it is pointless." I'm not crying.

Back at the clinic, Nic is still out of commission from the experimental drug's side effects. He's remembering the night he killed Worick's family and Worick yelling at him. Nina puts her hands on his shaking ones, trying to soothe him:

Just fuck me up... Don't make that face... Theo, I’m gonna need you to come in clutch and figure something out. Can we get this man a juicy research budget or something…?😩💦

Nic, once again, looks so hopeless. So defeated. He's accepted his fate. He still wants to help the other Twilights. *Punches the wall* DAMNIT STOP HURTING MY BOY LIKE THIS!

Theo says Nic's contract has been "voided" and Nic says, "My master is going to a place where he doesn't need a Twilight anymore" while looking distraught in my opinion. That line makes it sound like he may have some idea of what Worick is doing. Or a more depressing interpretation is that he thinks he's useless and has been tossed aside, but I refuse to entertain that idea. And then he says he still has an order to follow. I think this is in reference to what Worick told him that night Nic killed his family — "I won't allow you to die that easy! You're going to hurt real bad before you die! The worst kind of pain you can imagine! That's an order!" Like, You're not allowed to die on me. I also think the order might be to keep Alex safe and get her out of the city (which is why he’s looking at the blood under his nails where he accidentally scratched her). And I want to point out that even though his contract is voided, Nic from this point on keeps constantly calling Worick his master. Maybe it's a sense of loyalty, or because he doesn't want Worick to leave him behind. I honestly can't say for sure, but it hurts me... I'm holding my head in my hands right now... ugh...

Finally, we have Alex closing the chapter. She comes back to Handymen HQ with the intention of it being the last time — "Barry, you were right. I was crazy to think I'd found a place where I belonged. I've never had a home I could come back to. And I'm sure this time, I'll never come back here again." I'm NOT crying. But then, she finds a beheaded body the moment she walks through the door.

I gotta say, I laughed a little here because the first thing Alex does after realizing what she’s looking at is to lock the door and close the window shutters. Her first instinct is to try and make sure nobody finds out that one of the boys BEHEADED A MAN in their living room. I mean, yeah she was freaked out by the body, but more so than that, she didn’t want the boys to get in trouble for murder!!! Whether she thinks they did it or not is unclear, but even if they did, it doesn’t matter to her! She trusts them 100%!!! She did meet them murdering Barry and all, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Alex, you boobalicious babe, you’re such a real one!!!!! She might make a great getaway driver, tbh.

Anyways, back to the scenes ruining my life:

By this point in the chapter, I’m just sitting in front of a tissue box with a pile of used tissues in my lap… I’m reading through tears. I can’t see shit.😭😭😭

Right after she tries to cover the boys’ asses for homicide, her train of thought goes down memory lane. Her eyes wander around the room, recalling her life since Barry, and the men who saved her from the streets of Ergastulum, asking for nothing in return. We see a note from Worick and an envelope of money he left for Alex, bloody hand prints everywhere. Even in the midst of him BEHEADING A MAN IN THE LIVING ROOM, making some extremely risky moves, and heading into the lion’s den, he still thought of Alex — not wanting her to get wrapped up in their mess and the turmoil that's enveloping the city. I am bouncing off the walls, crying, screaming… I love them....... The care and love they all have for each other is... *sobbing*

-----------------------

Before moving onto the scene from chapter 56 that I've literally made my desktop background, I wanted to dig a little further into whatever Worick is planning, so I'm going to jump to chapters 50-51.

I said that I don't think Worick filled Nic in on the plan, so I was wondering how Nic felt about what his partner was up to. We get a scene where he looks shocked when he's told, "Your contract holder, Storage (Worick), has committed taboo." And I'M over here like, Nic, are we freaking out? Are we chill? What’s the vibe buddy? I can’t tell if we’re in trouble or not...

But then:

He smiled. Okay, so Nic seems okay with this. Now I can breathe a little.

The flashback scenes of the boys when they were working for Monroe show that they had a good relationship with Miles. It looks like they genuinely cared for each other. Miles even says that if his son was still alive, it would be nice if he was like Worick. So while I still have faith that Worick knows what he's doing, and after being reassured by Nic's smile, I must say the flashback portion did add salt to the wound. At first, when Worick shows up with the head, I started to think if there was any possibility that he didn't actually kill Miles and that it was a trick or something. Later, however, at the end of chapter 43, we check in with Alex and see the beheaded body at the Handymen's home. Unless there's some kind of twist, I guess he really did kill him and that makes me sad after seeing these flashback pages. Now I'm wondering how Worick feels about everything. He's clearly under a lot of pressure. I'd like to see more from him in future chapters about all this.

-----------------------

And now, the scenes that've been living rent-free in my head...

Captured by the Paulklee Guild, Nic and Alex have some tender af moments. In chapter 53, Alex wakes up and immediately starts asking about Nic's injuries and apologizes for not being able to do anything. He cuts her off by placing the back of his hand over her mouth and responds with this:

Nic: "You missed your chance to hightail it out of here again, slowpoke."

Alex: "...Yeah... I guess I did."

I LOVE THEM!!!🥺❤️

This is the most... what do you even call it? Tender? Loving? Casually comfortable? Whatever it is, they are totally clicking now!!! And it continues in this scene that had me kicking my feet and crying buckets in chapter 56:

Alex: "He's even got scars behind his ears..."

Nic: "...WhAT?"

Alex: "I always thought you were completely different from him."

Nic: "WhAT abOUt NOw?"

Alex: "You suck."

Nic: "Heh."

"No need for you to answer the phone anymore. So what do you wanna do now? You can go back to being a prostitute, or keep chasing after my master. If you wanna keep playing diva, that's fine too. If you wanna break out of here, I'll make it happen."

Alex: "Hm..."

Nic: "ChoOSe wHAteVer yOu WAnt, bECaUse yoU'Re diffERenT fRoM Us."

Alex: "...Yeah."

When she reaches for him, Nic's reflex is to grab Alex's hand when he feels something approaching from behind. Then he notices her hand is injured from when he hurt her during his seizure. There are panels of him before this looking at blood under his nails, probably from digging them into Alex's hand. He lets go and signs, "Sorry." I want to point out, there's NO text box for this sign. I don't know any Japanese sign language other than "thank you" because this manga taught me that one. That's a lie, I also know "kill" which is sure to come in handy. But it's incredible how I know that he signed "sorry" without knowing the sign for it. They didn't put a text box for that sign and they didn't need to! So good. Peak. This is peak fiction I say unironically. They joke and banter while in a grim situation, and it's tooth-rottingly sweet.

Nic, who’s usually on guard, is completely relaxed now. He lets Alex caress him. Worick, who usually has a calm and cool facade on, is tense after his nightmare, unable to keep his usual mask up. He too, lets Alex caress him, and we get mirrored pages of Nic in the current moment and Worick from chapter 16. They trust her and Alex is trusting them after suffering abuse at the hands of others, growing closer to them. All three of them allow themselves to have some vulnerability with one another after living such harsh lives, constantly clawing to survive.

Then, Nic tells Alex to do whatever her heart desires. Whatever she wants, he'll make it happen. She's "different" and doesn't have to be stuck in this crappy cycle like them. But she looks a bit upset when he says this. Like she's mad he thinks they're doomed to live a hopeless existence and to suggest she abandon them for her own sake. I'm hoping that now Alex is mostly recovered from her withdrawals, we'll get to see more of her kindness with the boys and helping them in their time of need like they did for her.

They're so soft.........

I personally don’t perceive any of the intimate scenes we get throughout the manga as romantic. I don’t think there’s going to be a love triangle or that Alex is going to get paired up with one of the Handymen. Especially with the mirrored pages of Nic and Worick from Alex’s point of view in chapter 56 shows she loves them the same. I can understand why people would see these scenes as romantic, because honestly, they’re more “romantic” and emotional than a lot of romances out there. While talking to my friend, I jokingly referred to this as “platonic romance/romanticized friendship” where you love your homies and family so much and feel you’re able to bare your soul to them. I’m aware that Kohske-sensei has drawn old art of Nic and Alex as a couple, but that isn’t canon so I’m not counting it. You can ship your characters and not make them a couple in canon lol. But if she does go that route, I trust her to do it well.

Brief Shoutouts to Characters I Also Want to Talk About, But This Post Is Already Long Enough

Nina

I already talked about Nina in part one so I won’t say much more. But what’s up with her? Does she have some One Piece Haki powers or something??? Is there something you’d like to share with the class, Nina?

Theo

I’d like to think that Theo isn’t being as reckless with the experimental drug as it seems. We’ve seen that Theo is much kinder than he lets on. He obviously loves Nina (whenever he wraps his lab coat around her, it's so damn cute!!!) and he’s made it his mission to help the oppressed Twilights, even going as far as to make his own generic Cerebret which puts a target on his back. So yeah, Theo is great and I’m hoping he figures out a way to let Nic and the other Twilights live long, healthy lives. And there's a lot about Twilight biology that we don't know, and I hope Theo gets some answers. In particular, I'm curious about their psychology, especially after what happened with Delico and Monroe. And since a lot of the story leans towards a Worick-centric perspective, I want to know more about what Nic's thinking.

Marco and Constance

I want to say a lot but I’m still in mourning right now so I’m just gonna say — Marco, Connie, you guys were such badasses and deserved better… I know Marco was a war criminal but that wasn’t his fault and he’s a sweet guy now, so we’re going to overlook it!

Kohske-sensei, how could you… I actually thought they’d survive.

Loretta

You know the cliche line that goes like, “Someone’s gotta make the hard choices,” or whatever? Yeah, that’s basically what Gina is doing in the latest chapters when she’s refusing to open the guild’s doors to the civilian Twilights. The thing is, people who do this are never making the actual hard choice. What they’re doing is easy — just sacrifice people you don’t care about and turn the other way. Especially easy if you don't have a big guilty conscience. Yes, Gina makes some points about why, and she’s not wrong, but I stand by what I said.

But Loretta? Nah, my girl Loretta is making the real hard choices. Characters who make choices like Gina see two options: A) Help people and inconvenience myself/cause myself to fall with them. B) Oh well. It’s unfortunate but what can you do? — not Loretta though. Those options are unacceptable so she chooses “Option C”, also known as the actual hard choice.

“Option C” in any narrative (and in real life as well) is always the one that takes the most effort and the most commitment. You have to forge the path for “Option C” yourself. Loretta is going to have to put a ton of work in and stay on top of things if she’s going to have any chance of success. Thankfully, not only is she amazing, she’s wise enough to know she can’t do it alone and asks Gina to release Nic, Alex, Nina, and Theo so they can lend a hand.

LORETTA SWEETIE YOU’RE DOING AMAZING! When she was calling Gina out to “make the humane choice” with that look in her eyes, I was like, DAMN GIRL, GET HER ASS! I am rooting for you sis!!!

Veronica

Everyone seems to be blaming the Handymen, and Nic in particular for whatever happened to Veronica. We don't have much to work with, but part of me thinks that Nic and Veronica both had/have the bad habit of overdosing and it didn't end well for her. Like, she bit off more than she could chew and they both had self-destructive tendencies? Maybe... idk. When Gina shot Nic full of downers that one time, she did say, "I believe I've already told you to quit overdosing on Cerebret. Especially the uppers. Do you want to end up like Veronica?" I think Gina cares about him even if she would never admit it, dawww. There is more to it though, but we don't have enough info right now. And I need to stew on her for a while, so I don't have much to say at the moment.

Monroe

The way Monroe spoke about Delico was… a red flag. He likely did the same with Nic. In the Blu-ray extra manga, we see a bit of how he talks about Nic in a similar way when he was a child. Monroe isn’t much different than Gaston Brown. He’s a father figure who uses people, particularly Twilights, as tools/weapons. He’s abusive and manipulative. But his way of going about it is different. He’s won the affection of those he abuses because of his charm and giving a place of belonging and a support system to those who have nothing. These are common reasons why people join gangs in real life as well, but I won’t get into that here. It would be interesting to see more of how the Handymen’s relationship was with Monroe when they were younger. I wonder if they were to look back, would they start to realize signs of his manipulation from their childhoods with their current perspective?

Everyone else

Shoutout to everyone I didn’t name. I love a lot of the characters in GANGSTA. and those who I don’t love, I still find interesting. But, my shoulders hurt so let’s end it here.

I'm... Done...

I feel like I could have picked apart the characters more, panel by panel, and there's stuff in GANGSTA: Cursed, but I had to stop somewhere.

I'm super happy that I finished catching up to this series on chapter 56. I loved the chapter as I've made abundantly clear already, and I can't wait to see how things shake out. So many questions I want answered!

Godspeed, my son.

If you’ve made it this far… you’re a real one 🫡

#GANGSTA. #manga #manga recs #manga recommendation #manga discussion #seinen manga #漫画 #おすすめ #青年漫画 #ギャングスタ

[xanonymouscatharsisx]

Cw: abuse

I've been thinking along the lines of grooming lately. Yes because of true crime stuff I've been listening to. But also in how it relates to my own life.

I struggle to call this grooming but I also don't know any other word for it. It feels imperfect but close enough?

My mom had me read A Child Called "It" growing up. Earlier than I think I should have honestly, considering it was a choice in high school for English reports, and I had to ask if I could instead do the third book in the series since I had already read the first two.

I think... I could be very very wrong about this... I think my mom used it as a way to rationalize what she did as not abuse. If you've read the series, or even just this book, this is horrendous what was done to the author as a kid. And so I think my mom had painted it as "this is so clearly abusive and this is the only thing that is abusive, so nothing I do can be abusive." And I think this also maybe coloured her understanding of her past, that this stuff didn't happen to her, so clearly she's fine.

I've tried to talk to her a few times over the years, in private, or even by making blog posts and showing her, to which she says she's sorry and in the case of anything online that I should take it down. Sometimes she later gaslights about a lot of it. But she also never wants to look bad, but then has zero problems badmouthing me to anyone and everyone who will listen.

I remember pretty vividly the first time I remember everything that made me feel shitty. I remembered feeling shitty before but this just sticks so different.

My mom had gotten me chicken soup for the preteen soul. Chicken soup was ALL the rage. I don't think I knew anyone who didn't have a chicken soup book for years. In this particular one, there was a story of a girl, I think in California, who started a charity to buy bulletproof vests for police dogs. I was so inspired.

I got to work, planning, figuring out where I can leave cans to ask for donations, even getting friends to help.

My mom tore my notebook.

Like page from page, everything that had been written on, which was about half the notebook. I still don't remember her reasoning for this.

I was crushed. This was also my favourite notebook, and it was a spiral, and when you take a considerable amount of pages out of those, while still leaving the cover... It doesn't look right. I don't know, I've always hated when you do that to spiral bound notebooks. Looking back, I think this might be an autism thing, but that doesn't really play a part in the story.

I think I told a couple friends about this. They certainly saw the half-notebook that was full the day before. I don't remember specifically telling them anything, but I think I remember telling one friend that I had to hide it from my mom so we couldn't talk about it in the car. It feels like there's some stuff I'm forgetting here, and whether that's because I blocked it out, or from my depression and grief from recent years, I'm not sure.

My heart is breaking for that kid though right now. I remember so vividly feeling almost betrayed and it's the feelings that stick so hard. You had bought me this thing that inspired me so much that I wanted to make change in the world, and then you tore it up. That ends up being a little bit of a theme from here on out.

I had tried to talk to my mom about this at some point. Sort of. I had made a blog post years back on a blog, and then sent it to her. I was having a particularly difficult time with her and just... I don't know what I wanted. I think maybe just to feel seen? And maybe not alone? And understood? She asked me to delete it and we never talked about it again. Ever. Honestly, any time she hurts me, this is brought back, symbolized in my brain by that sad, spiral bound notebook missing half its pages. I can't stress enough how much I loved that notebook.

This is something that I've also been thinking about as it relates to privacy for kids is things like how a lot of girls of abusive moms I know had kept a diary until they found out their mom read it, so they stopped. Before this whole thing, I never had a problem writing in notebooks. After this, I did, and STILL do. The amount of just empty notebooks I have because I'm so scared she's going to rip them apart... For one thing it's a bit of a problem but for another, think of all that wasted potential in those sheets. Change to the world, fiction, maybe journalism... I'm now looking at those blank pages a little differently.

But back to the other theme I also wanted to talk about. My mom has never really supported me. She has in some junctures, like telling me I could be anything when I was little, and questioning why I wanted to bother shaving as I got a bit older. And they suddenly changed to ripping up notebooks, and telling me I couldn't go into x field because it's not for girls. I still don't know where a lot of that came from and weirdly enough it's the same feeling I get from Canada's federal conservative party.

Yeah this feels like an aside, and I'm just gonna say it, in the 90s it felt like they fought for middle class and protecting people, and now they only fight for the rich white straight people, and I don't know when that happened. I just remember a switch.

I don't even know when that switch happened for my mom. Like, with the shaving it seemed like she was hinting at questioning beauty standards and gender norms from one perspective, but oh, you can't do this thing because it's only for boys! And that was always something I got more from my brother that I can't play Nintendo because I'm a girl, I'm going to break it. I can see a bit of a line that might have happened, but I doubt he could convince her of something like that at that age anyway.

I'm now trying to convince myself to open some kind of class online and giving myself permission to use some of my notebooks. It's been a pretty rough day today, and maybe that's what I need. Or maybe just a good cry.